Hopefully this isn’t downvoted instantly, because I know people seem to get strangely very defensive about Beast’s characterization in this run. I think there is a lot of miscommunication whenever a Beast fan complains about how he was depicted here. Often times people will discount those complaints because they think Beast fans just don’t want him to go bad, when that doesn’t really seem to be the whole truth from what I’ve seen. Ultimately, the complaints I raise and I have seen others raise are more about thinking the writing of his spiral in X-Force 2019 was not done well rather than that said spiral shouldn’t have happened at all. With the Krakoa era coming to an end, and “From the Ashes” having the now-rebooted Beast who is pulled all the way from his time on The Defenders, I don’t see any of the flaws here being addressed beyond characters casually referring to how bad he became. So I wanted to take this time in the in-between, where our new Beast is apparently just chilling on Wonder Man’s couch while the rest of the X-Men fight against Orchis and Nimrod, to once and for all lay out the flaws of Beast’s villainous era, and establish not that it shouldn’t have happened, but that it could have been way better.
Problem 1: A Lack of Pathos:
Most X-Men fans who have been reading for awhile will agree that it’s honestly surprising more mutants haven’t gone down a dark path. Their history is one of striving for acceptance, putting their lives on the line for people who would rather see them dead, and being rewarded with not one but multiple genocides on their population. Some of the most interesting stories can actually come from a formally “upstanding” mutant finally deciding enough is enough. When Cyclops went down his “villainous” path, it made a lot of sense. We’d seen him becoming more disenfranchised with the dream for years. We’d seen his trust in Xavier erode time and time again, and so when he decided to stop asking for acceptance and start demanding it, it was hard to blame him. Even as we saw most of his friends turn against him, that didn’t stop people from declaring “Cyclops Was Right,” because his perspective could easily be understood, and he did achieve results. More recently in X-Men ‘97, we saw Rogue go down a dark path in the wake of Genosha being wiped out, including Magneto and Gambit. Again, this was understood, and it was an interesting direction for her character.
This sort of turn would also make a ton of sense for Hank McCoy. Did you know that back towards the start of the original Uncanny X-Men run, Hank was actually the first X-Men we ever saw to leave the team and say that Magneto was right, after he and Bobby were attacked by an angry mob because Hank used his powers to save a young child? Over the years, one of Hank’s most recurring struggles and arcs is self-loathing and eventual acceptance of his condition. Hank has always been at his darkest when he’s trapped in his spiral of self-loathing, but when he comes out the other side, he tends to be one of the most optimistic mutants when it comes to coexistence with humans. He was out making connections and fighting alongside non-mutants before anyone else. Joining the Avengers and Defenders, speaking on behalf of mutant rights before congress, dating human women who were able to accept his appearance, blue fur and all. Until they weren’t… looking at you, Trish Tilby.
So with all of this in mind, it would honestly be an extremely interesting arc to see Hank, this optimistic mutant who has spent his life building bridges and making connections with humanity, to be slowly beaten down and start to believe peace is not an option. As one of the original X-Men, he has been there through every tragedy that struck the mutant population. And as one of the smartest X-Men, he has usually been at the center of these crises. He has seen advancements in science meant to eradicate the mutants. He has fought against viruses that threaten to drive them extinct. He was there in the wreckage of Genosha. He has seen countless friends killed again and again. He has suffered his own mutation evolving and making him less and less human-looking. He saw the development of a mutant “cure” and was tempted to take it. He has seen it all.
And so that brings us to Krakoa. This is the moment where the mutants as a whole decided enough was enough. If they could not be accepted by humanity, they would pack up and form their own nation, and they would force humanity to accept that they exist by developing life-saving drugs that other nations would have to rely on. And what is one of the first things that happens after the establishment of Krakoa? Hank witnesses assassins infiltrate the island and assassinate Charles Xavier. This right here is honestly the perfect setup for Hank to go darker than he has before. Even after literally segregating the mutant population from humanity, like humanity seemed to want, they still decided to come and kill the man at the forefront of the movement. And Hank, recently placed in charge of mutant black-ops, would likely see that all options are on the table.
Unfortunately, Hank’s actual pathos surrounding the decisions he would go on to make is not explored by the book itself. The book has no interest in detailing Hank’s fall from grace as we saw with Cyclops before him. The book just wants us to accept that Hank has already fallen. And in fact, according to the writing, maybe he never had anywhere to fall from. Any time a character in X-Force tries to ask important questions to understand Hank’s thought process, they are cut off. Usually by Wolverine saying “He’s always been like this.” And then on one occasion, when Wolverine asked Hank why he was doing all this dark shit, Hank said, “Didn’t you read the script? I’ve always been like this.” There is no attempt to examine Hank as a character. We don’t need to know why Hank makes the decisions he does, because this book wants Hank to be a black and white villain and so that’s what he will be. Why? Because he’s always been like this.
Problem 2: Rapid Escalation:
One of the major defenses people have when it comes to Krakoan Hank is that he has apparently been on the road to his villainous self for over a decade. The X-Force run itself loved to have characters spout a list of Hank’s previous “crimes” without any context involved, as justification for why he was acting the way he did in the current run. The problem is, that context is very important. Because it shows the disparity in the Hank of previous stories who made mistakes with good intentions vs the Hank of X-Force who did heinous shit because he wanted to. This was less a plane making a slow descent and more a plane that was slowly descending, but then its engines shut off and it plummeted into a fiery explosion.
To make this case, we need to briefly analyze the previous perceived transgressions of Hank McCoy to show what they actually meant for his character and how they differ from the Bond villain X-Force would present us with. Let’s start with Threnody. Somehow, Threnody became a bit of a buzzword for the beginning of the end for Hank. When people talk about the history of Hank and Threnody, they will usually present it as one of Hank’s worst sins, saying something like “Hank callously handed Threnody over to Mr. Sinister so he could experiment on and abuse her!!!” It kind of makes for some whiplash when you actually read the Threnody story people are talking about. Here is a brief rundown of what actually happens:
Threnody is a young woman who cannot control her powers. It causes her no end of grief, and when we are introduced to her, she is homeless and constantly in danger of hurting herself or others. Beast, Rogue, and Iceman come across Threnody who has been found first by Mr. Sinister. Sinister actually has a vested interest in curing the Legacy Virus, and believes he can help Threnody master her powers, at which point she will prove vital in his efforts to study said Virus. Notably, Threnody wants to go with Sinister here. While Rogue disapproves, Hank does believe that Sinister is actually Threnody’s best option, openly stating Sinister can actually help her gain control and the X-Men cannot, because, as Hank directly says, Sinister is willing to damn parts of his soul in pursuit of scientific enlightenment, and the X-Men are not. A few issues later, when breaking into Sinister’s base, Hank encounters Threnody again. She’s happy. Sinister did indeed help her control her powers, and she has been able to use her abilities to help mutants the world over, while also undermining Sinister’s more evil operations from the inside. Hank expresses relief, saying he was kept up at night by his decision to let her go with Sinister, but Threnody actually thanks him for letting her. And that’s it. That’s Hank’s big “crime” here.
Hank’s other “sins” are also of varying levels of severity. There’s the time “Hank worked with his evil self to cure the Legacy Virus!” when the actual story in question is Hank asserting that he won’t stoop to the levels of Dark Beast and compromise his values in the name of science. There’s the time “Hank sided with the Inhumans against the X-Men!” when the actual story is Storm sending Hank to Attilan to find a way to end the conflict between mutants and inhumans before war broke out. Hank runs out of time to find a cure for the terrigen mist cloud, suggests mutants get off-world in the meantime rather than go to war with the inhumans, is thrown into a cell by the other X-Men for his “betrayal”, and then freed at the conclusion of the war by a repentant Storm when it comes to light that the whole conflict was manipulated by Emma Frost. There’s the time “Hank risked the timestream by bringing the original X-Men to the present day!” A decision that was made on his perceived deathbed with the hopes of bringing his old friend Cyclops back to his side. Hank wants to take the young mutants back right away, but they refuse. And instead of others enforcing that they need to return, we actually see Kitty Pride decide to lead them in the present in memory of Charles Xavier. Notably, Kitty would be one of the many mutants in future issues who would yell at Hank about this.
The point of this post isn’t to absolve Hank of all fault. He has made countless mistakes and bad decisions. Regardless of the culpability of others, the pulling of the O5 to the present was his decision. During Secret Empire, Hank would turn a blind eye to Hydra’s activity simply to keep the mutants under his care safe. During all of this, however, Hank’s character was not compromised. He expressed despair and regret over his worse choices, and struggled with thinking he was a good person any longer. Again, going back to his recurring struggle with self-loathing. He had pathos behind his decisions and how they affected him, and would often reunite with Wonder Man as an opportunity to recenter and declare he would “be better tomorrow than he was yesterday.”
You would think, if the aim of X-Force was to turn Hank into a full-on villain, it would take advantage of the long-form storytelling of comics to chronicle that escalation. Like I said, the assassination of Charles Xavier is a great starting point for Hank to start going darker than he ever has before. The problem is, we don’t get an escalation. Hank starts the run by doing some of the most heinous shit imaginable. Regardless of your thoughts on the severity of Hank’s previous mistakes, none of them compare to his opening volley in this run. Hank uses telefloronics to override and genocide an entire country, leaving various people either completely dead or braindead. We later find out that during this time he also established a space station where he ran unethical experiments on prisoners like Krakoa’s very own Dr. Mengele. He then accuses his old ally Cyclops of conspiring with Russia against Krakoa, and calls forth the mutant population to witness as he parades a shamed Cyclops through its streets. Then he kills Wolverine and resurrects him as a mindless animal who he uses as an attack dog against his perceived enemies. This isn’t an escalation, this is a different character. And the aforementioned lack of pathos means that we don’t get to see him struggle with these choices. We don’t see his thought process as he becomes darker and darker. Why would we? “He’s always been like this.”
Problem 3: No Personality:
One of the most fun aspects of turning a protagonist into an antagonist is seeing how their personality works with a more villainous mindset. When Cyclops became an “antagonist” to the X-Men, he was still Cyclops. He stuck to his convictions, he was a great leader and tactician, and he was able to turn many mutants to his side because of this. We’ve seen an evil Beast before. The creatively-named Dark Beast is from an alternate future where Beast went down a dark path lacking ethics. The fun of this character, besides comparing his ideologies with our Hank McCoy, is seeing how Hank’s penchant for jokes or quotes now become far more sinister and cutting.
There’s a strange narrative that the jokey Hank is reserved for the Avengers while the Hank with the X-Men is all business and science. This isn’t entirely true. Early on when he was a member of the Defenders, Hank talks about this sort of thing. He essentially says that he wears different hats. While working with the X-Men, he used big words essentially to gain respect from both his teammates and humanity. But with other teams, and in his then-new furry form, he dropped all of that. His speech became more naturalistic and he was much more of a goofball. The thing is, it’s the speech patterns that truly change depending on who Hank is hanging with, not his personality. Hank with the X-Men and Hank with the Avengers are both jovial characters who like to tell jokes and quote philosophy. You can see Hank being a bit of a clown among the X-Men in various runs. So it’s not like it’s a given that Hank is some entirely different dry doctor devoid of any sense of humor when among the X-Men.
But this is how Hank is portrayed in X-Force. Part of why this version of Hank is so hard to reconcile with the rest of his history for fans of the character is that he just doesn’t act like himself, even when he isn’t actively committing war crimes. In one early issue of the run, we get a glimpse at Beast’s journal where he accounts a meeting he had with Forge. Now, Beast has been known to be a very physical character. He is often known to sweep others into a hug, or even plant a big kiss on their face in the case of characters like Wonder Man or Iceman. Meanwhile this one page where we read his thoughts on Forge is clearly pretending this is not the case:

I paid Forge a visit in the Armory – and I must say that he can be, like Logan, rather impossible. There is a certain locker room bravado about him I find perplexing, like a language I only half understand. For instance, he refused to shake my hand but instead dragged me into what he called a “bro hug.” Then he challenged me to a “feat of strength,” asking if I would test out this sappy “muck bomb” he had developed that – or so I gather – glues one in place. He wondered if a “big boy” like me might be able to thrash free of the binding. I refused him and said I very much would prefer to get down to business. He then referred to me as a “bookish peckerwood @#$%” but did so with a friendly laugh and clapped me on the shoulder hard enough to make me stagger. I’m not sure how to process this, honestly. Is he being friendly or cruel? Is it possible to be both?

Needless to say, this doesn’t read like Beast. It reads like an android that has never before felt human emotion. I remember before reading this I was theorizing that Hank had been switched with Dark Beast once more to explain his sudden escalation, but after this I realized that couldn’t be the case. Because this sounds like neither Beast nor Dark Beast. Dark Beast understood how to properly write Hank as a villain. He doesn’t suddenly become your typical made scientist devoid of emotion, humor, or basic human understanding. He still makes jokes that are now cruel. He still quotes literature in a way that paints him as a god among men. Hank going bad can be a fun read, but this run was not.
Problem 4: No One Cares:
Another important angle to consider when writing a story of a good person breaking bad is how it affects those around them. Those who are close friends to the person and find themselves disturbed by their current actions. Again, I return to Cyclops. Regardless of where you stand on if he was right or not, he was very much positioned as an antagonist to the mutants at the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning. Yet we see various friends of Cyclops still caring for him and wanting to pull him back from what they perceive as the dark side. Like I previously said, Beast’s whole reason for messing with the timeline was because he felt he was going to die and wanted to try to appeal to his old friend and bring him back around before he passed on. When someone good goes bad, part of the emotional core is seeing former friends try to appeal to their better nature, and even eventually deciding they’ve gone too far to turn back.
Not so with Hank in X-Force. Like I said, this run posits that this is not any kind of heel turn for Hank. This is how he’s always been. “Hank this isn’t you!” “No, he’s always been like this.” “Hank, turn back before it’s too late!” “Turn back where? He’s always been like this.” None of Hank’s friends give a shit. Hank’s best friend amongst the X-Men is Bobby Drake, Iceman, and we never once see any kind of confrontation there. Cyclops and Angel similarly doesn’t care. Now you could argue this is because X-Force is a secretive organization. Bobby and Scott don’t even know what Hank is doing. There are two issues with this. First, things reach a point where they would know. Hank’s actions become public knowledge, and Wolverine goes off to hunt him down while the rest of the X-Men just kinda look the other way. And second, there is someone with a lot of history with Hank that was a part of X-Force and did see everything that was going on. Jean Grey.
But we never get to see Jean wonder what’s happened to her close friend. Jean who was always incredibly close to Hank. Jean who, it was confirmed during the All-New X-Men era, had mutual feelings for Hank and might have started dating him had things been different. But no, Jean, like every character in this run, accepts that Hank has always been like this. That’s the answer to everything. So instead of some kind of emotional confrontation where she tries to appeal to his better nature, we instead have Jean yell at Hank, use her powers to throw him against a wall, and quit X-Force. And then most recently, we see her tell Firestar without hesitation to throw Hank under the bus for any heat that comes her way from her undercover mission. Because everyone will believe Hank is responsible for all the bad shit. Who the hell cares about Hank? According to this run, no one.
Conclusion:
I hope you can see the larger issue here. When Beast fans complain about his Krakoan era, people assume they just don’t want to see their favorite do bad things. But it’s practically accepted at this point in comics that most heroes will have a villain arc. Hell, Iceman is the only one of the original five X-Men who hasn’t gone down a dark path at this point. The problem is that everything about the writing of Hank during this time was just not done well. There is no exploration of Hank’s descent into villainy, and any questioning down that line is immediately shut down by the assertion that this is just who he’s always been. There isn’t any slow escalation because his first move is genocide. Hank is not even written as himself during this era, but rather as a generic bond villain. And none of Hank’s former close friends even show any emotion about his turn to villainy. An evil Hank story could easily work. We saw it with Dark Beast. A story where the former optimistic member of the X-Men has been beaten down so many times that he takes on a “whatever it takes” mentality could be interesting and emotionally resonant as we both understand what drove him here yet hate the man he’s become. But that isn’t what we got. We got a run that wrote him as a complete stranger and then had all the characters tell the reader that they were wrong for ever thinking he was anyone else.

Hello again! I’m not sure if you’ve seen my other posts about a fandom roleplay but this one is gonna be about any roleplay in general, fandoms included. This’ll be pretty detailed and I’ll let you know the parts if you want to skip ahead (I suggest you don’t). If you don’t wanna read all of this, then don’t. This was made for people willing to read blocks of paragraphs and maybe even respond with their own.
INTRODUCTION
My name is Hina. To know more about me, I hail from Japan and I have been an avid writer ever since I moved to the States when I was 11. My second language is English but I believe it’s been pretty good. I recently turned 22 years old and I'm female. Talking about age, I would be comfortable with you being 17+ and preferably at least 20. Roleplaying with minors isn’t a big thing for me, I apologize. I’m in the west coast, PST timezone. Let’s see.. What other information can I give you? I would say I enjoy skating, basketball, watching tv shows and anime, and reading. My favorite anime is Nana and Death Note.
GENRES + FANDOM
I am not looking for a specific roleplay. I would say i’m skilled in all genres. Sci-fi, fantasy, horror, apocalypse. All of that. Even slice of life, though that depends on what type of plot exactly. To be more specific on each genre, starting off with fantasy, I'm more used to high fantasy and mythology. I’m not that great with medieval, unfortunately. DnD based role plays aren’t really fit for me and I struggle playing with species like ogres. Just putting that out here. For fantasy, I don’t have any specific ideas.
Sci-fi is the genre I have more skill in. Most of my roleplays are based off of them! Specifically, I’m fine with all subgenres of that.
For other genres like horror and apocalypse, I do have some taste. I really like monsters and creepy things from the horror genre like vampires and all of that and I even have my own idea set up in older times dealing with vampire lords and hunters and all of that. I also enjoy eldritch type horror. I also like that one sun genre of it, like video game horror? I’m not sure how to describe it. I also forgot if it even has an official name or if it’s just something used to describe the horror genre. I like Resident Evil, so maybe that’ll tell you the type of horror I usually enjoy. I do have a developed idea of something more eldritch horror.
More on fandoms! To get some other things down, I usually only play OC unless the character you want me to play is one I know more about and I'm more comfortable playing. The fandoms I like in the more anime way are Jojo’s, Nana, Death Note, JJK, AOT, Haikyuu, and probably more. I’m well versed in the Jojo’s, Aot, and JJK fandoms but less knowledgeable on Death Note since i’ve only seen it once. Other fandoms i’m in include ATLA, TLOK, Harry Potter, Resident Evil, Marvel, DC, and many more.
CHARACTERS
I tend to use character sheets to describe my character, these usually consist of names, background, and personality. More so on appearances, I prefer using animated or drawn references than real life people. I enjoy good enough references where I get the idea of how the character would look like.
The types of characters I write are either the lone wolf type that has some sad past which leads them to want to join someone for a redemption arc or the bubbly character who is the one that brings the mood up and is usually seen as trustworthy and of that kind.
I like all types of tropes, especially enemies to lovers or rivalry. I also really enjoy opposites attract as a whole from either opposite personality or something else they would be opposites in. Enemies to lovers takes my heart, though. I love seeing the characters go past the urge to ultimately hate each other and/or go past their usual way of disliking the others lineage or upcoming.
REQUIREMENT
I think this is my last paragraph on the roleplay. It’s the most important, at least. Requirements. All roleplay searches come with them. Or at least that’s what I heard! But don’t fret, there isn’t much.
I’ve seen this as one of the most used requirements, and I agree with it. As someone who’s first language wasn’t English, I understand that you may not be great at it. But please, I do require a partner that at least has proper use of grammar and punctuation. You don’t even have to use big words or anything, just at least know where to put your periods and the placement of your words.
My second requirement is for you to be LITERATE! Please. I’m a big writer, I tend to ramble on and tend to write more than what I thought I would. (like i’m doing right now) I write multiple paragraphs from the starter until the scene relaxes. I also understand that sometimes writing big blocks of words every response is tiring or boring so I don’t expect it all the time, at least after the starter has been made and in more important scenes. Dialogue also cuts my replies shorter.
Please please please be polite in OOC! We may just be role playing together but kindness goes all ways. If we do include OOC, I enjoy talking about many things. My day, movies, games, funny moments and stories, all of that!
I think that’s the end to this wonderful journey of an ad about my search. I hope you are still here, fellow writer! I would LOVE it if you reached out to me! This wasn’t all for nothing, right!
But don’t leave yet! I do have a passcode. I know this was a jumble of words and rambling but I still have to put one in. I heard that there’s a lot of people on here that don’t read things fully and miss out on rules or information! But.. Just because you read through this all, I’ll gladly give you options on the passcode! Also please put in an introduction of yourself! Don’t think “Oh maybe I shouldn’t bother this person with too much to read”! I like seeing big blocks.
PASSCODE:
What’s your dream country to travel to and why?
OR
Who’s your favorite TV show / Cartoon / Game / Anime character?
Feel free to pick both! Now, that’s all from me. Please don’t put your request as just “Wanna rp”!

• H 💕

Hello again! I’m not sure if you've read or seen my other posts about roleplays but this one will purely be about Jujutsu Kaisen!
INTRODUCTION
My name is Hina. To know more about me, I was born and raised in Japan and I have been an avid writer ever since I moved to the States when I was 11. My second language is English but I believe it’s been pretty good these days. I recently turned 22 years old and I'm female. Talking about age, I would be comfortable with you being 17+ and preferably at least 20. Roleplaying with minors isn’t a big thing for me, I apologize. I’m in the west coast, PST timezone. Let’s see.. What other information can I give you? I would say I enjoy skating, basketball, watching tv shows and anime, and reading. My favorite anime is Nana and Death Note.
ROLEPLAY
For what i’m looking for, i’d have to say basically anything in the Jujutsu Kaisen universe. Perhaps something done in the Shibuya Arc, or even the Culling Games Arc where are our characters are participating. Or maybe something entirely different. I think it would be cool if our characters were strong on their own and everything was set up in the Culling Games Arc, them having to maybe ally or something. But we can also have it be basically them fighting together to make themselves stronger and then fight new enemies as well. I’m down for ideas!
I’m also down for a Modern AU roleplay with the original characters. Maybe an OC x CC or CC x CC in that case!
CHARACTERS
I tend to use character sheets to describe my character, these usually consist of names, background, and personality. More so on appearances, I prefer using animated or drawn references than real life people. I enjoy good enough references where I get the idea of how the character would look like.
The types of characters I write are either the lone wolf type that has some sad past which leads them to want to join someone for a redemption arc or the bubbly character who is the one that brings the mood up and is usually seen as trustworthy and of that kind.
I like all types of tropes, especially enemies to lovers or rivalry. I also really enjoy opposites attract as a whole from either opposite personality or something else they would be opposites in. Enemies to lovers takes my heart, though. I love seeing the characters go past the urge to ultimately hate each other and/or go past their usual way of disliking the others lineage or upcoming.
REQUIREMENT
I think this is my last paragraph on the roleplay. It’s the most important, at least. Requirements. All roleplay searches come with them. Or at least that’s what I heard! But don’t fret, there isn’t much.
I’ve seen this as one of the most used requirements, and I agree with it. As someone who’s first language wasn’t English, I understand that you may not be great at it. But please, I do require a partner that at least has proper use of grammar and punctuation. You don’t even have to use big words or anything, just at least know where to put your periods and the placement of your words.
My second requirement is for you to be LITERATE! Please. I’m a big writer, I tend to ramble on and tend to write more than what I thought I would. (like i’m doing right now) I write multiple paragraphs from the starter until the scene relaxes. I also understand that sometimes writing big blocks of words every response is tiring or boring so I don’t expect it all the time, at least after the starter has been made and in more important scenes. Dialogue also cuts my replies shorter.
Please please please be polite in OOC! We may just be role playing together but kindness goes all ways. If we do include OOC, I enjoy talking about many things. My day, movies, games, funny moments and stories, all of that!
I think that’s the end to this wonderful journey of an ad about my search. I hope you are still here, fellow writer! I would LOVE it if you reached out to me! This wasn’t all for nothing, right!
But don’t leave yet! I do have a passcode. I know this was a jumble of words and rambling but I still have to put one in. I heard that there’s a lot of people on here that don’t read things fully and miss out on rules or information! But.. Just because you read through this all, I’ll gladly give you options on the passcode! Also please put in an introduction of yourself! Don’t think “Oh maybe I shouldn’t bother this person with too much to read”! I like seeing big blocks.
PASSCODE:
What’s your dream country to travel to and why?
OR
Who’s your favorite TV show / Cartoon / Game / Anime character?
Feel free to pick both! Now, that’s all from me. Please don’t put your request as just “Wanna rp”!

• H 💕

(PSA) I want to start off by recommending retroarch for iPad users. Delta is a FANTASTIC app. I highly recommend it. That being said, if you want to play on an iPad in landscape mode, there is only the iOS version of Delta on iPad. The developer is working on the app for iPad, but as of writing this, retroarch scales perfectly.
(PSA) When it comes to cores. On the apple version of this app, all the cores apple has approved are already included in the app. Can’t add or remove any cores like you can on all the other platforms when running retroarch. If a core is not in retroarch on an apple platform, it is not an approved core or is limited by apple restrictions and will not play well. Apple is not allowing JIT. This is a problem for ps2, psp, and GameCube for sure.
(PRO TIP. .7z to .zip) Using the files app, you can unzip a .7z file. Just rename it to .zip and select it. The files app will unzip it. Done. No need for an unzipping app.
(REQUIRED.) Some cores will crash or not boot a rom. I have found this to be mostly related to bios files not being in the app. (To add bios files = Use the files app. Go to on my iphone. Then find the retroarch folder, and select it. Then select the subfolder that is also named retroarch. After that scroll down to the folder named system. Dump all of your bios for all systems into this folder. I would add any bios you can find for the systems you are playing. This will stop the crashing and increase compatibility with games from different regions.) , (To find what bios are missing, open the retroarch app. Go to settings, core, Manage cores, Scroll down to the core you want to use, Select the core. Then scroll down to firmware. Just below that, you will see which bios are optional. Which ones are missing and required. The (!) is just a bullet point.) If you try to load a rom and it still crashes use a different core to launch that game if it is available. It could be a compatibility issue between the core and the rom. Or it could be region locked and you still need another bios file.

1.) (REQUIRED.) If you want to save yourself some annoyances with Retroarch on iOS, then after you make a change to your settings, hit home in the navigation menu, select configuration file, then save configuration file. I choose the overwrite option, but you can choose what best fits you. We can do this on other platforms by just tapping the back button until it exits the application, but there isn’t a back button on iOS.

2.) (OPTIONAL.) I like to turn on vibration/ haptic feedback. Go to settings in the navigation menu, input and scroll down to haptic feedback. I turn both options on and leave the vibration strength at 100%.

3.) (OPTIONAL.) I like to change the user interface. You can do this in two ways. A.) Changing the theme. Go to settings, user interface, appearance, select color theme and then choose your favorite. Mine is material ui dark. A.1) If you want you can also choose another app icon. The setting is the first option under user interface. B.) I like the stock setup, but you can change the entire layout to be different. You can go to settings, drivers, and select menu. The stock option is glui. You can choose the option you like the best in this section.

4.) (OPTIONAL.) I like to change the date and time format at the top to be something I am more used to. Go to settings, user interface, menu item visibility and select “style of date and time” towards the end of the list.

5.) (REQUIRED.) GETTING GAMES IN THE APP. Then we get to importing content. In the iOS version, Retroarch wants the roms to be placed into a folder that is inside of the Retroarch app itself. What I do is take the roms I want to play on Retroarch and move them into the Retroarch app. Here is how I do that. I have a folder already on my iPhone with the roms I want to play on Retroarch. (I store my roms on device. Using the Files app, then on my iphone and save the folder on your phone first. We move it to where it needs to go in the next step.). My folder is named “Retroarch Roms”. It can be really helpful to stay organized. Especially if you also use the Delta and ppsspp apps. I use the files app to locate this folder. Then I select it and move it. Or you could copy it but be mindful of files sizes and storage space. (I put “copy it” in here for a major reason. If you store all your roms in retroarch. And one day you want to delete and reinstall the app…. Bye bye roms. My library is too big to back up to iCloud. But that might be a good option if it works. I have not tested it.). Then move or paste this folder inside of the Retroarch app folder under downloads. (Files app, on my iphone, scroll down to retroarch – select it, then select the subfolder that is also named retroarch, then scroll down to downloads, select it. Your entire folder or multiple folders can go here.) Then hit the playlist menu (middle navigation button.) and select import content. Then scan directory. Click documents/retroarch, scroll down to downloads, then select scan this directory. Then let it do its thing. I like to leave the app open and on screen so the iphone/ipad doesn’t limit background activity. After it is done you can come back to the playlist menu to look through and launch your games. After you have launched a few games, You can go to Home, history and launch your recently played games from there. There is a favorites tab in the playlist section, but I don’t use it personally.

6.) (UPDATES.) I like to make sure a few things are up to date. So, I hit the home menu at the bottom. Go to online updater. Make sure on demand thumbnails is toggled on. (This will add box art on demand as you scroll through your playlist/library.) Then just below that update core files and all the others below it. Update all of them. Then scroll back up to playlist thumbnail updater (This is how you download box art manually for each playlist/library.) and select any system libraries/playlists that are missing album art. If it is your first time, I would just select them all to make sure box art is there when you browse your library. If you want some free to use roms go to content downloader and some homebrew and other roms are in there for each system.

(PSA.2) After you are done changing any settings. Do not just close the app. Make sure you save the configuration file like I mentioned at the start of this post. If not, the settings you changed will be “forgotten” but the roms and album art should still be there. Man, I wish someone told me that before I wasted my life 3 times in a row.

7.) (PS1) Firmware for ps1. To run games correctly you will need firmware for the ps1. PSX rearmed can get you started and playing but the “beetle psx hw” core for ps1 has an upscaling capability. This will make games look tremendously better. Firmware location. After a quick search on the interwebs, you have what you need. (To find what bios are missing, open the retroarch app. Go to settings, core, Manage cores, Scroll down to the core you want to use, Select the core. Then scroll down to firmware. Just below that, you will see which bios are optional. Which ones are missing and which are required. The (!) is just a bullet point.) Use your files app. Go to on my iPhone. Find the Retroarch app folder. Click the folder in there named retroarch. Scroll down to system and dump the bios files there. I can’t say where to get them, but “psx bios” should be easy to find in an archive if you search the googles. Make sure the spelling matches specifically. You can look in settings. Scroll down to directory. And you can scroll through where the app is currently looking for bios and you can change that if you need to. You can also go to settings, select core, manage cores, then scroll to the core you are looking for, then select the core. Scroll down to firmware section and select the “looking in” option to see where it wants the bios. It will tell you if any bios are missing as well. This can apply to any core. Not just ps1 cores.

8.) (SEGA SATURN.). Make sure all the Saturn bios are in the system folder inside the Retroarch folder (Look at the other bullet points on this post to see how. Some games will not launch unless the core has the correct bios. ). Roms. After extracting a rom, it should be a folder full of bin files. Put that whole folder (For each game/rom) in a Saturn roms sub folder. (Make a new folder called “Saturn Roms”.) Using the files app, go to on my iphone, go to the retroarch folder, then the retroarch sub folder. Then scroll down and select downloads. This is where you want to store the Saturn Roms folder. When you import content into retroarch. It will scan the folders and subfolders that have all the bin files. Games will appear as one in the playlist/library.

8.) (FAST VIDEO OR AUDiO) Sync issues. I turned on audio sync and it ran sonic super fast. Other people have had the opposite problem and need to turn it on. The same goes for video sync. The fixes are different depending on the device. Go to settings, video, synchronization, and adjust. You can change the refresh rate in the settings, video, output, vertical refresh rate in this section. This should only be adjusted if you are having issues. Audio sync is under settings, audio, synchronization. It says recommended to turn on. Mine goes crazy if I toggle that on. So I leave it off.

9.) (CORE OPTIONS.) Some systems have multiple cores available. I change them out on the fly by hitting playlist in the navigation menu (Middle option.) Scrolling down to the system I want to play. Then selecting the game, I am looking for. (Do not select run yet.) Then scrolling down and selecting set core association. If you want to use the same core for an entire playlist/library. You can go to settings. Playlists, manage playlists, then select the system you want to set a core for, scroll down to default core, and you can pick the one that works best for your needs.

(DIRECT LINK.) Below is a direct link to the app on the app store for those that have trouble finding it.
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/retroarch/id6499539433

Context: I(F17) have been friends with this girl (F17) for like 4-5 years now. She goes to like a really prestigious private school and she's generally kind of close-minded ig? Like she's 17 and she's still got the "I hate pink/I'm not like other girls/Boys and makeouts are digusting" mentality. §So anyway. A month ago me and my school went on a three day trip. It's obviously tradition for everyone to excessively drink, smoke etc during those trips because they are free from their parents. I've always been the quiet, good kid. Last 1-2 years I've been additionally studying a lot too. I've never smoked a cigarette but I occasionally drink. I had already decided that this trip was going to be a little break for me, a way to let myself free from the expectations that are waiting for me when I go back home. The first night of the trip we all went out to a tavern and I got drunk (not blackout, but to the point where I was really happy and social) and I smoked a lot. It was fun cuz people where dancing etc so I sent my friend some videos of yk me and my friends or the people around us. She started telling me I should be ashamed of myself and that I'm a disappointment. Then she started slutshaming me. That's all I remember from that night. The next day I tried talking to her. I noticed she had screenshoted a video. She started telling me to shut up, to fuck off, that she doesn't want to talk to me and that I lost myself. She sent me the screenshot of me smoking and she was like "look at yourself". I made some fake ass apology because i didn't want to be anxious about her. §Ever since the trip I must have smoked like 3-4 times because i have to be sure I'm safe from my mother and also my friend gets the cigarettes. Somehow I mentioned it in a convo with my friend while we were out a few days ago. She started telling me that she'll blackmail me with that screenshot and that she doesn't want me to combine relaxation with smoking. But what drove me crazy is the fact she told me to listen to her because her grandfather didn't and died cuz of it. §Like am I crazy or is this plain emotional manipulation? I think it's one thing to suggest your friend to not smoke because it's unhealthy but the way she overreacted like she's my mother? Like Why'd she'd feel the need to fight with me about smt that I chose to do?

(PSA) I want to start off by recommending retroarch for iPad users. Delta is a FANTASTIC app. I highly recommend it. That being said, if you want to play on an iPad in landscape mode, there is only the iOS version of Delta on iPad. The developer is working on the app for iPad, but as of writing this, retroarch scales perfectly.
(PSA) When it comes to cores. On the apple version of this app, all the cores apple has approved are already included in the app. Can’t add or remove any cores like you can on all the other platforms when running retroarch. If a core is not in retroarch on an apple platform, it is not an approved core or is limited by apple restrictions and will not play well. Apple is not allowing JIT. This is a problem for ps2, psp, and GameCube for sure.
(PRO TIP. .7z to .zip) Using the files app, you can unzip a .7z file. Just rename it to .zip and select it. The files app will unzip it. Done. No need for an unzipping app.
(REQUIRED.) Some cores will crash or not boot a rom. I have found this to be mostly related to bios files not being in the app. (To add bios files = Use the files app. Go to on my iphone. Then find the retroarch folder, and select it. Then select the subfolder that is also named retroarch. After that scroll down to the folder named system. Dump all of your bios for all systems into this folder. I would add any bios you can find for the systems you are playing. This will stop the crashing and increase compatibility with games from different regions.) , (To find what bios are missing, open the retroarch app. Go to settings, core, Manage cores, Scroll down to the core you want to use, Select the core. Then scroll down to firmware. Just below that, you will see which bios are optional. Which ones are missing and required. The (!) is just a bullet point.) If you try to load a rom and it still crashes use a different core to launch that game if it is available. It could be a compatibility issue between the core and the rom. Or it could be region locked and you still need another bios file.

1.) (REQUIRED.) If you want to save yourself some annoyances with Retroarch on iOS, then after you make a change to your settings, hit home in the navigation menu, select configuration file, then save configuration file. I choose the overwrite option, but you can choose what best fits you. We can do this on other platforms by just tapping the back button until it exits the application, but there isn’t a back button on iOS.

2.) (OPTIONAL.) I like to turn on vibration/ haptic feedback. Go to settings in the navigation menu, input and scroll down to haptic feedback. I turn both options on and leave the vibration strength at 100%.

3.) (OPTIONAL.) I like to change the user interface. You can do this in two ways. A.) Changing the theme. Go to settings, user interface, appearance, select color theme and then choose your favorite. Mine is material ui dark. A.1) If you want you can also choose another app icon. The setting is the first option under user interface. B.) I like the stock setup, but you can change the entire layout to be different. You can go to settings, drivers, and select menu. The stock option is glui. You can choose the option you like the best in this section.

4.) (OPTIONAL.) I like to change the date and time format at the top to be something I am more used to. Go to settings, user interface, menu item visibility and select “style of date and time” towards the end of the list.

5.) (REQUIRED.) GETTING GAMES IN THE APP. Then we get to importing content. In the iOS version, Retroarch wants the roms to be placed into a folder that is inside of the Retroarch app itself. What I do is take the roms I want to play on Retroarch and move them into the Retroarch app. Here is how I do that. I have a folder already on my iPhone with the roms I want to play on Retroarch. (I store my roms on device. Using the Files app, then on my iphone and save the folder on your phone first. We move it to where it needs to go in the next step.). My folder is named “Retroarch Roms”. It can be really helpful to stay organized. Especially if you also use the Delta and ppsspp apps. I use the files app to locate this folder. Then I select it and move it. Or you could copy it but be mindful of files sizes and storage space. (I put “copy it” in here for a major reason. If you store all your roms in retroarch. And one day you want to delete and reinstall the app…. Bye bye roms. My library is too big to back up to iCloud. But that might be a good option if it works. I have not tested it.). Then move or paste this folder inside of the Retroarch app folder under downloads. (Files app, on my iphone, scroll down to retroarch – select it, then select the subfolder that is also named retroarch, then scroll down to downloads, select it. Your entire folder or multiple folders can go here.) Then hit the playlist menu (middle navigation button.) and select import content. Then scan directory. Click documents/retroarch, scroll down to downloads, then select scan this directory. Then let it do its thing. I like to leave the app open and on screen so the iphone/ipad doesn’t limit background activity. After it is done you can come back to the playlist menu to look through and launch your games. After you have launched a few games, You can go to Home, history and launch your recently played games from there. There is a favorites tab in the playlist section, but I don’t use it personally.

6.) (UPDATES.) I like to make sure a few things are up to date. So, I hit the home menu at the bottom. Go to online updater. Make sure on demand thumbnails is toggled on. (This will add box art on demand as you scroll through your playlist/library.) Then just below that update core files and all the others below it. Update all of them. Then scroll back up to playlist thumbnail updater (This is how you download box art manually for each playlist/library.) and select any system libraries/playlists that are missing album art. If it is your first time, I would just select them all to make sure box art is there when you browse your library. If you want some free to use roms go to content downloader and some homebrew and other roms are in there for each system.

(PSA.2) After you are done changing any settings. Do not just close the app. Make sure you save the configuration file like I mentioned at the start of this post. If not, the settings you changed will be “forgotten” but the roms and album art should still be there. Man, I wish someone told me that before I wasted my life 3 times in a row.

7.) (PS1) Firmware for ps1. To run games correctly you will need firmware for the ps1. PSX rearmed can get you started and playing but the “beetle psx hw” core for ps1 has an upscaling capability. This will make games look tremendously better. Firmware location. After a quick search on the interwebs, you have what you need. (To find what bios are missing, open the retroarch app. Go to settings, core, Manage cores, Scroll down to the core you want to use, Select the core. Then scroll down to firmware. Just below that, you will see which bios are optional. Which ones are missing and which are required. The (!) is just a bullet point.) Use your files app. Go to on my iPhone. Find the Retroarch app folder. Click the folder in there named retroarch. Scroll down to system and dump the bios files there. I can’t say where to get them, but “psx bios” should be easy to find in an archive if you search the googles. Make sure the spelling matches specifically. You can look in settings. Scroll down to directory. And you can scroll through where the app is currently looking for bios and you can change that if you need to. You can also go to settings, select core, manage cores, then scroll to the core you are looking for, then select the core. Scroll down to firmware section and select the “looking in” option to see where it wants the bios. It will tell you if any bios are missing as well. This can apply to any core. Not just ps1 cores.

8.) (SEGA SATURN.). Make sure all the Saturn bios are in the system folder inside the Retroarch folder (Look at the other bullet points on this post to see how. Some games will not launch unless the core has the correct bios. ). Roms. After extracting a rom, it should be a folder full of bin files. Put that whole folder (For each game/rom) in a Saturn roms sub folder. (Make a new folder called “Saturn Roms”.) Using the files app, go to on my iphone, go to the retroarch folder, then the retroarch sub folder. Then scroll down and select downloads. This is where you want to store the Saturn Roms folder. When you import content into retroarch. It will scan the folders and subfolders that have all the bin files. Games will appear as one in the playlist/library.

8.) (FAST VIDEO OR AUDiO) Sync issues. I turned on audio sync and it ran sonic super fast. Other people have had the opposite problem and need to turn it on. The same goes for video sync. The fixes are different depending on the device. Go to settings, video, synchronization, and adjust. You can change the refresh rate in the settings, video, output, vertical refresh rate in this section. This should only be adjusted if you are having issues. Audio sync is under settings, audio, synchronization. It says recommended to turn on. Mine goes crazy if I toggle that on. So I leave it off.

9.) (CORE OPTIONS.) Some systems have multiple cores available. I change them out on the fly by hitting playlist in the navigation menu (Middle option.) Scrolling down to the system I want to play. Then selecting the game, I am looking for. (Do not select run yet.) Then scrolling down and selecting set core association. If you want to use the same core for an entire playlist/library. You can go to settings. Playlists, manage playlists, then select the system you want to set a core for, scroll down to default core, and you can pick the one that works best for your needs.

(DIRECT LINK.) Below is a direct link to the app on the app store for those that have trouble finding it.
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/retroarch/id6499539433

Over the years, I’ve done a lot of different work in the games industry. I want to start this off by saying that I do NOT consider myself a marketing expert; maybe intermediate. I’m making this post to address the most common misconceptions my clients have had regarding marketing. Quite frankly, this is the biggest point of failure for indie games. Take it all with a grain of salt, share your own experiences, and please: correct me wherever you feel I may be wrong.
Marketing should start at the same time as development. You have a great idea for a game — awesome. Do you know who else is going to want to play it? Do you know how you can reach large numbers of those people? How can you make branding and messaging appealing to those people specifically? This should be day one stuff. It almost always isn’t.
Going viral on social media is an outdated concept. Social media wants you to pay for ads. That includes X, Reddit, and everything in between. Many will throttle you for unpaid self-promotion.
Don’t spend money on short-term engagements with content creators. Even if you catch them on a day when they are energized and having a blast playing, their first priority is their audience, not your sales numbers. A one-time payment will not change that.
Don’t hire unverified marketing help. Unfortunately, the indie games space is full of scams. Lots of people offering marketing help have no experience. Ask to see multiple case studies and successful campaigns.
We’ve gone over a lot of stuff that doesn’t work. Let’s cover a few things that do!
Know your ultimate goal. You should strive to create enough of a presence on multiple platforms to start getting noticed organically. Throwing a few hundred bucks at some ads isn’t going to do it. A somewhat successful post on Reddit isn’t going to do it. Align multiple marketing actions in such a way that they help amplify each other — make a new trailer, use it in your media outreach, promote it in various ways, use it to announce a demo and a contest — now we’re talking!
Optimize your Steam page. Make sure all of your art is high-quality, distinct, and gives a player an idea of what they can expect from your game (capsule art especially.) Figure out what the best tags for your game are. https://games-stats.com/steam/tags/ is a decent place to get some insights. Do this ASAP.
Create a community hub. I like to use Discord for this. All of your socials, Steam page, your game demo if you have one, and just as importantly, the game itself — everything should funnel players into one place. This will become an invaluable resource. The first committed members of your community will help provide insights into how to reach your demographic, help you find bugs and quality of life issues, and keep your team motivated. Don’t wait to do it — a year or more ahead of launch is ideal!
Reach out through content creator platforms. The ones I have personally had good results with are drope and lurkit. Your mileage may vary. If you’re lucky, you’ll find a few content creators that love your game and want to keep engaging with it.
Reach out to content creators for free promotion. This is really a numbers game — you might send out 100 emails and get 2 or 3 people who cover it. Focus on creators that absolutely love your genre, and love showcasing promising new content. Send them a free key along with a personalized message. The odds of success are honestly pretty low… Nevertheless, if a sizable YouTuber covers you and is genuinely intrigued by your game, this will be well worth your time.
Run contests, giveaways, or tournaments. Let’s face it — you have a lot of competition. If you want people to line up to try your game, a little extra incentive might help! Make sure that your prize(s) are hefty enough to overcome any barrier-to-entry. A caption contest would have a low barrier-to-entry, while a leaderboard competition would have a fairly high barrier-to-entry. Keep in mind that the likelihood of winning a prize is a barrier-to-entry factor as well. “Winner receives $100” < “10 random contestants receive $10.”
I hope someone finds this helpful. This is not a fully comprehensive guide, just an opportunity to compare notes. If you have questions about any of the things mentioned in this guide, feel free to DM me! If you have something to add or correct, please let me know in the comments.

I created this account, to vent some of my frustration. I won't be commenting, looking, or editing it after I post. No, I'm not a bot, but sometimes I wish I was.
One of my best friend tried to kill himself, he left a farewell message which wasn't supposed to be interpretted as that, but I understood. I called every hospital in the area looking for his name, until I found one. When I went to visit him, I wasn't sure if I'd be finding him dead or alive. I worked up the courage to walk into the room, and found that he was surprised to see me. With so much frustration and anger in my mind, I just started yelling at him, wondering what the fuck he was thinking and why he didn't just call me. He couldn't answer, but a tear rolled down his cheek and my anger subsided and turned into grief, depression, then sorry. I asked him, why and he said told me I knew why. He struggled with major depression for years, like me. I tried my best to be a friend and help him out of that hole, but nothing I did would help. I thought maybe if I put my depression to the side and helped him with his I'd find a way of curing my own. I was never overt with any of the actions, I lent out a helping hand when neeeded and hung out with him when he was down. We've both had terrible traumas— his from neglect and financial issues, and mine from abuse and bullying, but I thought because we both suffered we would be able suffer together. I visitied him when his family was there as I was the nuclear detterent. I watched his mother and brother hurl insults at eachother while I tried to lighten the mood, the brother cared for him, the mother didn't. It seemed like she was there, just to say she showed up. I've known her for a while, she's callous, she always has a couple boyfriends on her side, but she never tries to keep them around. When the brother and the mother were around the entire room was filled with a negative aura and you can feel it, it was never pleasant and when I left tensions only raised. I visited him when work allowed me to, but after he was transferred to the psych ward, my schedule didn't fit in with any of the visitation hours so I never could. When he left the psych ward, what followed were days of him visiting my workplace during my lunch hours telling me that he would attempt it again, "it could happen any day now." My words seemed so hollow and breathless as I tried to sounding them out. I questioned myself, "What could I say? What could I do? Why is he telling me this?" This happened almost everyday for a couple of months, he would visit me and utter the same words. One day, I asked him, "How do you want me to respond to this" and to his non-challant reply was, "I don't know take it as you well." He was always forgetful, so I hoped he would forget about me too. Some nights we would get boba and he would tell me I was part of the reason he did it. I didn't know how to respond and I still don't. What did I do? I was completely and utterly drained of any emotions, sadness, depression, anger, grief. He was a boa constrictor wrapping it's body around mine smothering me to death. Nothing mattered to me, and so one day, I left without saying a word. He is still alive and hasn't tried anything since then, to which I am thankful. But I never answered his texts or calls. In this rough patch, I started unravelling because everything around me was unfolding.
I was still talking to the above friend, during this time when I got a call from my brother, "She's in the ER because she OD'D. Can you bring some blankets?" He was completely devoid of any urgency or emotion, I understand he doesn't handle them very well, but the calmness of voice only irritated me and made my bite my tongue til I bled. My mind was blank as I sped down the highway at 100mph. I remember the flickering lights as I paced through the hallway, a nurse recognized me from my personal life, but I brushed her off saying that I didn't know her as she was part of our church. Our family is conservative and if this got out, then all eyes would be on us with looks of disappointment and shame. I couldn't tell anyone. I hesitated, a roller coaster of emotions overwhelmed me as I grew closer and closer to the room. The same ones that had enveloped me with my best friend, but this one was brought on by so much shame. "How didn't I see this coming? What sort of brother am I, that I can't protect my only sister? Please... Please... Please.. don't be dead." I stopped in the hallway, where my brother stood and he just said he was getting a sandwhich. I watched him go as he walked away, not an ounce of grief, but after I saw him I noticed there was confusion and sadness in his face, but his words remained neutral as if he were trying to keep it together. I approached the door and hesitated right before going in, rubbing tears that were running down my face and collecting myself the best way I could. I saw her lying there, so helpless, barely alive, and struggling to breathe. My stomach sunk, my heart dropped, and my lungs collapsed. No physical pain, no abuse I had suffered, no moment would have prepared me for this, but as I looked at her she looked at me. I walked over and remarked, "This is because I didn't kill the spider, isn't it?" She laughed in pain the best she could, and my Dad added into and gave me a small slap on the head laughng as well. I saw her arms and saw the cuts and how deep they were. The heart monitor started fading and transforming into ringing within my ears. I sat down and talked to my Mom and Dad to see what we needed. They asked for blankets, which I forgot, and something to eat. I told them to go home as I'd just stay here to watch over her. They both said no at first, but my Dad reluctantly agreed after realizing there was no one to watch his business the next day. I nearly lost my mind. Your daughter is laying here in the ER, and you still need someone to watch the business? I volunteered to do it, but I stayed in the hospital until the I had to leave as I watch the seconds turn into minutes, the minutes to hours. The clock has never moved that slow before, I felt like I was frozen in every moment. It was only after I had learned she was raped three times. My blood boiled, my face turned hot, as I was heading to my car demanding who did it. He'd done this mutliple times. throughout the year, and I had no idea. I reached a point where I stormed out of my house, but my brother asked me where I was going. I told him that I was going to find him, and beat the living shit out of them. He stopped me and told me, that that's why she didn't tell me. I didn't understand it it all, why he wasn't hopping into the car with me to this mother fuckers house after knowing all of this. He didn't want me to know because I'd go over to the hospital demanding her and asking her who did it. He was right. I calmed down, but if he wasn't there I would have found the fucker and I would have beaten the living shit out of them. I told my best friend what happened, and he tried to keep me calm and tried to get my mind off of things. We went to a friends birthday party and I could still hear the heart monitor ringing as I watched everyone have fun, eat, and party over this friends birthday. I felt like an extra, just playing the part of someone who's there to be there. I laughed and made jokes, but this hole in my chest kept getting wider and wouldn't close. I hadn't slept in three days, and the pain was like I was being eaten alive without being able to scream in agony. When we returned to the hospital, she was moved to a different facility, because she wasn't needed in the ER any longer. The nurses asked me to leave as they said that visiting hours were over, but they fell upon empty ears. I wasn't moving. I stayed there all night, and woke up the next morning. I don't remember falling asleep, I just blacked out at one point. I could tell you that when I woke up, all I saw where white walls, white floors, and white sheets. The typical hospital smell that filled the air with ammonia as it burned through my lungs. The heart monitor started to lose it's preptual ring and began to sound normal again. None of these details are important, but I remember them so well as if I'm living that moment right now. This was my second close call. She was home within the next week, but this trauma made our family a lot closer— but, there's a new edition to the family in the shape of an elephant, he doesn't speak to us and we don't speak to him, but he's always there. I haven't been able to look at her the same way, because I'm not sure what will set her off, and the scars on her arms still make me sick to the stomach.
My second best friend was tearing at the seams while all this was happening and I was trying to get his life back together, but something just wasn't clicking with him. I saw him descend into an abyss that I couldn't pull him out of, he started stalking his ex, binge drinking at work, in public, etc. , doing more and more drugs. I went to his rented out room where the landlord would help him do his laundry, cook for him, allow him to have pets even though she was against it. She was kind to him, and I had hoped that might have had some affect on his mental state, but he couldn't get out of his head. He nose dived and I tried to bring him back up, but I couldn't so I gave up. I was emotionally and physically exhausted from everything, in a puddle of a quicksand trying to get out, the more I resisted the further it pulled me down. I was in a boxing match with hit after hit after hit, I just couldn't stand it anymore, but this man gave me a family when mine abused me, he gave me a home when I didn't want to go back to mine, he allowed me to express myself and be free when I was in a position where everyone wanted to chain me, he became a friend when I needed one the most. I pleaded with my group to look after him a little bit more, we could take shifts, but no one cared or wanted to listen. "You can't help someone who can't help themselves." After his nose dive, I told him I couldn't do this anymore and I'd rather kill myself to watch him destroy himself, so I stopped speaking to him— after all, you can't help someone who can't help himself. I removed myself from the group and started working on myself. It had been a year since we last talked, he wrote one story on Instagram that caught my attention, "Maybe everyone was right about me." By this time, I had finally collected myself, I was in a good place, and I had every intention of talking with him again and helping him get back on track if I could, whether it be reaching out or just treating him like a person as if it were a typical Tuesday. As I was typing in the words, I stopped myself and said I needed a little bit more time. I was in the midst of a massive project at work that needed to be completed in two days. The next day, I got a text from one of the mutal friends in the group I had left, "He's dead. They found his body in his room." I stared at the phone for a few seconds. My mind blank. I just put my phone down and kept working.
I haven't talked to a therapist about any of this, but I have mentioned it. None of them seem interested in exploring it so it must not be that important, but I feel the need to get this burden off my chest. These three events happened concurrently, and after the dusk settled, I looked closer into all of the close relationships I had, and how many of my closest friends had ended up hurting themselves in a way to "heal." Nearly all of them. They would vent their struggles to me, and I always became an ear because people just need to be heard. Maybe they had problems before I met them, maybe they didn't. I'm probably stretching my own importance in their lives, but the nagging tick that bothers me is that I feel like I am the common denominator.

Dear my first love/ ex
I know we only dated briefly, but in that time we faced so much that time seemed like it passed faster than it actually did. When we first started out you helped push me to find a new job, because I couldn’t imagine working there alone. You even helped me quit by writing out my resignation letter even though I was gonna do it anyways since I had a new job lined up, but knowing that I wasn’t doing it alone or leaving you behind helped. I wish you could have been there to wish me good luck on my first day, but you got Covid and didn’t want to risk me getting sick before even starting.
I never wanted you to be anyone else, I loved the guy that I got to know before you ever made us official. The guy with several allergies to some of the weirdest most common things, but not allergic to common allergens. The guy with fears of heights, and bugs and scares easily. The guy that loves Disney movies and loves singing to them and cries at sad moments but would never let me see him cry. The guy that loves math, collecting Pokemon cards because they’re pretty, playing video games, D&D, anime, spending time with friends and family. The guy that was very judgemental when it came to certain things like how mint ice cream is wrong and anything with mint and chocolate together just shouldn’t be. The guy that seemed very uncertain about his future saying things like “I’m gonna take a job I hate so when I have money I can take a job I like that doesn’t pay much” “I want to buy a house here, because it would be such a flex to my friends” “ I would have quit school but everyone expected me to finish so I couldn’t quit.” Meanwhile you did know that when he bought a house that he wanted a cat and even knew the type of cat he wanted.
Now comes the tricky part that I hate because I don’t know how much you actually knew about me. Did you know I would have loved if you asked me to dance? That I would have loved a reason to get dressed up and show you a side of me no one has ever seen? You knew that you opened my heart and made me feel safe, but do you know what that has done to me? Do you know how your love has changed me? Did you know that since you were the first person to see me and love me that you helped me gain confidence I never had? Did you know that all I ever needed even when you physically couldn’t be there with me was you to say “I love you”. Just 3 little words to make me feel better, even on my worse days, just knowing that I have someone who chose me and chose to love me was a enough, but you couldn’t do that simple thing.
Instead you chose to create distance, trying to repair the damage after it was done instead of just saying “I love you and because I love you can we cool off and come back to the issue in the morning so we don’t say something we might regret?” No I got the response of “ I had a good day today and don’t need you bringing me down so I’m turning off my phone” the reason I was mad was because you blew me off and broke your promise the least you could have done was apologize instead of making me feel guilty and less than.
Do I hate you for that? Do I hate you for putting yourself first? Do I hate you for making me open my heart and be venerable to you? Do I hate you for shattering my heart into a million pieces? Do I hate that we loved each other and it seemed like you did all the talking but I was the one opening up more emotionally than you? Do I hate you for finding someone new so fast? Do I hate that you probably saw the northern lights with your new gf on my birthday, while I watched them alone after you said I would never be alone on my birthday again, along with the fact our first date we tried to see them only to get downgraded to cloud gazing and never watching them together like we wanted? No, for some reason I can’t hate you maybe that’s what true love is, because there will always be a part of me that loves you. Even with all your faults and flaws but it would be so much easier if I could just hate you. But I would be lying if I say that I’m not hurt and that I wouldn’t take you back in a heartbeat. I would have my reservations about it but as long as you would be willing to put the work in I would take you back because I’m not going to hate and judge you based on a few bad times when there were so many more good times. But we didn’t know how to deal with the bad times so we let that rip us apart.
~ your ex that you gave up on

TLDR; I’m being forced to choose between my career and my relationship, but also need to make more money and have more free time.
So I (M22) have been working in IT for about 9 months now for a small business in my home town making $17.50 an hour working 40 hours a week. When I started out I was just a cell phone repair technician making $15 an hour, a few months down the road so started to learn to solder and took on more responsibility as a cellphone tech and board tech, which got my up to my current $17.50 an hour, then also started representing the business at a networking group weekly, taking on even more responsibility.
As I am fairly new to adulting, my time management is horrible and I find myself having absolutely 0 free time, which has had negative effects on my 2 year relationship. I have neglected spending meaningful time with my partner and got stuck in a loop of just grabbing dinner when I got off work, going to her house, hanging out for a couple of hours and either spending the night or going home. She works different hours than me, typically 5:00am to 1:00pm where I work 9:00am to 6:00pm so we don’t see each other except for those few hours every night and on weekends, but she works Sunday mornings and I get weekends off.
It’s just been really hard for us to find time to do fun dates and stuff like that, and she’s been pushing me to talk to my boss about getting a raise and cutting back on hours, which I of course would love, but it seems impossible to get both of those requests.
I spoke with my boss today about cutting back just 5 hours a week and he was not fond of the idea and played it off like it was a bad idea because I would be missing out on $500 of my pay each month (I went back and did the math myself and I’d actually only be missing out on $350) and I currently already live paycheck to paycheck juggling bills and rent and such. He wants me to work my normal schedule for a few more weeks since I just got back from vacation and he thinks I’m still riding that high, but I really don’t think I’m being fairly compensated for my responsibilities here and don’t know how to make my feelings known and stand my ground.
I don’t want to quit my job but if things continue like this, and it comes down to relationship or career, I want to choose relationship I just worry that I won’t find another job where I can comfortably make enough to pay all my bills AND have plenty of free time.

Credit to u/SpacePaladin15 for the NOP Universe.
Hey, I hope everyone's doing well!
Today we return to the namesake of this fic, an actual lesson about animals. This one focuses on Koalas! One of Australia's most recognisable critters. I hope you enjoy.
It's hardly worth mentioning, seeing as I'm an infrequent poster at the best of times, but I'll not have another chapter out for a few weeks due to limited free time and devoting most of my writing time to an upcoming ficnapping. Be sure to look out for that!
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Memory transcription subject: Rysel, Venlil Environmental Researcher
Date [Standardised human time]: 8th September 2136
“Koalas!”
Bernard’s energised voice boomed through the air as the classroom's monitor flickered into life, images of this paws lecture topic popping up one after the other until the entire screen was filled with a collage of furry quadrupeds.
Squee! I’ll never get tired of this, it’s all so cool!
As usual the sight of something new stirred immediate discussion, hushed murmurs swelling into vibrant discourse in little more than a heartbeat. Most of the class swiftly huddled together into small herds to bounce ideas around while the rest opted to stick to the solace of their own thoughts as they took in the display.
I’d be quite happy in either situation, though seeing as Sandi had already sunk into deep concentration and Kailo had peeled off to talk with Ennerif and Solenk, it seemed the decision had been made for me on this occasion. Wasting no more time on idle inspection of the people around me, I focused my full attention forward, eager to form first impressions before the lesson began in earnest.
Now then, time to make some educated guesses. What traits does this animal have? I wonder if I’ll get any right this paw?
Professional assumptions went paw-in-paw with the lectures, examining and coming up with hypotheses about the specimens was only natural. Recently however, I’d started to make a little game of it to make things even more interesting than usual. A veritable bonfire of ideas had been set ablaze within me, fueled by my newfound knowledge of Earthen wildlife. Every flash and spark of the flame was a fresh theory I could try to apply to the lectures. It was an invigorating exercise that further stoked my unceasing wonderment.
So far I’d only done this once during the previous class and, to my disappointment, I’d not done too well.
I was right when I guessed that chickens were omnivores, but wrong in my assumption that they could fly. And that red thing on their head, the um… what was it called? The comb! Yes, the comb. I thought that was to attract mates, but it regulates body heat instead. It’s fascinating. Oh! Stars damn it I’m rambling!
I bapped my tail against my leg, the soft thud being just enough to snap me back from my runaway thoughts before I went completely wall-eyed. I was becoming more and more accustomed to getting lost in my own head while remaining conscious of the fact; it was happening so frequently now that it was pretty much impossible not to. Now I was able to pull myself back to the world around me without having to rely on someone else shaking me out of it. Most of the time anyway.
Sandi still keeps an eye on me, and Kailo even decided to help out once without being too snide about it. Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, Koalas.
Glancing at the furred animals, two things immediately stood out. Firstly, their eyes were in a more central position on their face. And second, all the images showed them being on or close to trees. There were other noteworthy observations of course, such as the Koala’s prominent nose and rounded features, but they fell to the wayside as I honed in on these points first.
Hmmm… ok. I already know to discount the idea that they’re predators just from eye position, so let’s get that thought out of here. Maybe omnivorous? Herbivore? Agh no, I can’t just guess that for the sake of guessing, that’s the same problem! Hrm, it’s tough making these assumptions now that everything I thought I knew has been turned on its head.
Nevermind, I’ll focus on the other thing. All the trees make me think they’re arboreal, that seems to be a reasonable assumption. I wonder what else they-
Clearing his throat, Bernard broke my concentration, his call for attention silencing the murmuring conversation and redirecting everyone's focus to the lecturer's podium.
His gaze panned across the room as he waited for everyone to settle, a beaming smile lighting up his face, “As ever I’m delighted to see you all get so into the subject matter from the get go. I’m looking forward to hearing what you were discussing should you wish to share. For now though, how about we get started, hm?”
A chorus of merry bleats rang out from across the audience, ears and tails flicking happily in agreement. Bernard's grin grew in tandem with the class's fervour, clasping his hands together enthusiastically as he launched into the lesson, “Excellent! Then let’s get started.”
The pictures on screen dissolved away until only one remained, enlarging to cover the entire monitor with the fluffy grey face of a Koala peacefully reclining in the crook of a tree.
“Ah, there we are,” Bernard’s baritone timbre drifted through the room as he looked up at the image, his own tone reflecting the relaxed attitude of the animal on screen, “He looks so comfortable doesn’t he? Perfectly at peace with the world, not too surprising considering they sleep almost 20 hours a day. A full paw!”
A wave of beeps and gasps rippled through the herd, punctuated by a single yawn-dressed comment from Rova, “A full paw? Hwuuu… jealous.”
Her drowsy remark elicited several whistling giggles from the herd, Bernard's own jovial chortle joining them as he turned to face her, “Late evening Rova?”
I twisted a little in my seat, panning an eye in Rova’s direction just in time to see her bleary eyes bulge open and her ears shoot up, now intensely aware of the fact she hadn’t been as quiet as she thought she had.
Sitting up abruptly, she hastily tapped down errant tufts of wool that’d flared in surprise as she composed herself, though her nervousness at becoming the centre of the class's attention was still plain for all to hear, “Uh- I um… achem, a little bit yes, um- …sorry. Lokki dragged me out to a movie viewing in the rec centre. It went on pretty late.”
A melodramatic bray from the other side of the room drew everyone's ears away from Rova to the now aghast Lokki, paw splayed across his chest in faux indignation, “Dragged you? Well excuse me for trying to broaden your horizons with human movies. That’ll be the list time I- …Ahaaaa…”
Lokki’s theatrics were cut short by a heavy yawn of his own, a swell of whistling laughter rolling through the herd as vibrant bloom lit up his snout, a sight that elicited a particularly amused bleat from Rova.
Turning away from the duo I looked back at Bernard, pleased to see that he was chuckling along with us. Behaviour like Lokki’s would never have been tolerated in my school and university days but, in stark contrast, Bernard revelled in it, the liveliness of his students fueling his own bombastic style of teaching. It was a pleasant change of pace having a teacher who let us all be ourselves in class; provided we weren’t too disruptive to the lesson plan.
Speaking of which.
His laughter still rumbling through the air, Bernard clapped his hands to pull everyone's focus back to him, “Ok, ok, let’s get back to it then shall we? Rova. Lokki. Hopefully the two of you can stay awake long enough until you can grab yourselves a coffee.”
As the class settled down and the last few giggling beeps petered out, Benard pointed a hand to the screen, “So, the Koala. Let’s start simple shall we? They are herbivorous marsupials native to the eastern and southern coasts of Australia. Easily recognised the world over, they are a well known and beloved symbol of their homeland, along with other animals such as the Kangaroo and the Emu. The former of which you might remember from one of our earlier lectures.”
Indeed I did remember, along with how angry Bernard had gotten after some speh-head had derided the Yotul after he explained how he held specific disdain for such attitudes.
Uuuggghh… I never want to see him angry again. So chilling.
I shook my ears in an effort to dismiss the unpleasant memory, panning my eyes back to the monitor to try and distract myself by inspecting the Koala’s physical appearance once more. Thankfully, by some Star's blessed intervention, Bernard had the exact same idea.
“Koala’s are rather squat in stature, ranging around sixty to eighty-five centimetres in length and weighing little more than fifteen to sixteen kilograms at their full size. As you can see, the fur of this fellow before you is a lovely silvery grey, but their fur can also sport a chocolaty brown hue as well. Arguably the most distinctive part of their appearance is their head, being rather large for their body size and having rounded ears, a large nose, and a pair of small eyes. These are often brown but variations do occur.”
It didn’t slip past my notice that Bernard didn’t bother to point out that the Koala’s eyes were forward facing. I didn’t think he’d simply forgotten, so perhaps he just felt it wasn’t necessary given that he’d already stated it was herbivorous. Either way, no one stuck up a paw or tail to question him.
“Now this will hardly be surprising considering how long they sleep, but Koala’s are largely sedentary and it’s rather easy to see why when you have a look into the contents of their diet.”
With the press of a button the Koala on screen was replaced by images of vibrant green vegetation. Soaring trees and flowering shrubbery weaved together across landscape framed pictures pulled admiring trills from the herd, the diversity of the plant life being shown standing as a reminder that it wasn’t only animal life that flourished on Earth.
After giving everyone the chance to take in the picturesque scenes, Bernard casually hammered that point home, “This is eucalyptus or, more accurately, a choice selection of more than 700 plants belonging to the eucalyptus genus, though the Koala itself favours 30 of them in particular.”
700!? Stars…
Realising that my ears had drooped in my momentary awe, I twisted them back to tune into the lesson, only for them to splay out in shock at the next words to come out of Bernard's mouth.
“The leaves of these plants are the primary food source of the Koala and there are a couple things worth mentioning when talking about these plants. For starters they do not have much nutritional or caloric value, leading to the Koala’s low-energy lifestyle. Additionally, they contain toxic compounds.”
A shiver instantly ran through the herd, ears flicking rapidly in confusion and alarm followed by a few quizzical whispers. It didn’t take long for someone to decide to give a proper voice to the murmuring.
“Excuse me Doctor. Did we hear that right? Their diet is made up of toxic flora?” Vlek’s grumbling incredulity cut through the herd's mutterings with ease. Until Kailo’s recent change of heart, the fifty something rotation old blonde Venlil had been a close second in terms of scepticism. Mercifully his rebuttals had always been relevant questions as opposed to ranting diatribes, so he at least remained on topic if nothing else.
Bernard nodded in confirmation, smiling back at Vlek while absentmindedly twirling the end of his moustache, “You heard me right, they do indeed consume plants that are toxic. Just not to them.”
Any worry or uncertainty still clinging to the herd was swept away by the provision of the glaringly obvious answer, leaving me chuckling inwardly at the oversight.
Ah of course! The plant might be poisonous but they’ll have evolved to deal with that. Stars… I’m so used to expecting the unexpected with Earth that I didn’t even consider the simplest solution.
“I see, thank you Doctor,” Vlek replied, a tinge of interest still audible in his tone, “I assume they’ve developed some adaptation to become immune to the harmful effects?”
The question immediately evoked a smirk from our teacher, but he hurriedly suppressed it while bobbing his head, “They have indeed. There are several factors that aid in their digestion of eucalyptus leaves without succumbing to the plant's baleful properties. The first is a part of the intestinal tract called the cecum. It contains a microbiome that allows the Koala to digest the eucalyptus. Coupled with this is an enzyme in the Koala’s liver that helps them break down the toxins. They are also capable of sniffing out the plants with the least amount of toxins, ensuring that they ingest as little as possible.”
Pausing for a breath Bernard looked back at the screen before turning to face us, another grin curling at the edges of his mouth as he continued with his explanation, “This is mostly for adult Koala’s, because while their young also possess these same adaptations, they don’t just go straight to munching through foliage right after being born. No, they need a little help making that jump and getting a stomach full of all that good gut bacteria. It’s nothing bad, but those of a sensitive stomach may wish to prepare themselves for this next part.”
Bernard’s assurances did little to assuage the concern that his warning had foisted upon us. Having been exposed to so much of the weirdness Earth had to offer everyone always ended up on edge whenever Bernard gave advice like this, even if he did say it in jest.
What strange nonsense thing do Koala pups do then? Judging by the way he’s acting it probably isn’t something as simple as drinking milk from the mother. Hmmm…
“So,” Bernard began, snapping us from our pensive stupor, “Young Koala’s, known as joeys, have a gestation period of thirty-five days on average, which is approximately forty-two paws. Once born they travel from the birth canal to a pouch in their mother so that they can continue to develop and grow. In the pouch the joey finds and latches onto one of two teats and these provide the newborn with a steady stream of nourishing milk. It spends the next six to seven months growing in the pouch, its eyes, ears, and fur all developing as time goes on.”
Okay, interesting. But this is exactly how I thought it’d go. What’s different?
The unexpected normalcy of the Koala’s birth and growth cycle had calmed everyone's nerves, only to be replaced with an air of suspicion as we waited with rapt attention for Bernard to drop the other claw and upend our expectations like he always did.
Not wanting to keep us in further suspense he forged ahead, the tempo of his voice picking up as the smile started to crease his face once more, “Now to make the switch from milk to eucalyptus, the mother also feeds the joey a substance called pap. It comes from the cecum I mentioned earlier, and contains all the gut bacteria required to help the young Koala in making the switch to eucalyptus.”
He stopped and looked around, searching us for a reaction to what I felt was a rather bland statement of fact. What was it he was saying without actually saying? Koala pups drink milk to mature and then include this pap substance so that they can start eating plants. I don’t see what-
The cecum is part of the intestine.
I blinked.
I blinked again, the intrusive interruption scouring my brain clean of any other thought bar the one it’d just implanted itself in the forefront of my mind.
Oh stars. They-
“They eat their own poop!?”
The shocked bleat shattered the peace of the room to reveal that most if not all of us had come to the same tail curling conclusion. As the hall filled with unrestrained vocalisations of disgust, an ‘Ugh’ over here and a ‘Blegh’ over there, Bernard’s own bellowing laughter joined the throng of voices.
“Ha! Everytime! Each and every time. Clearly it doesn’t matter if my students are Human or Venlil. Whenever someone learns about the Koala’s dietary development the reaction is the same!”
Pleased with himself beyond reason, Bernard chuckled away while the rest of us grappled with this ghastly reality. While there were plenty of animals that feasted on things that ranged from simply unappealing all the way to the stomach churningly grotesque, I’d never heard of an animal that actively consumed the excrement of its own species. Benefits aside, the prospect of having to do that to survive to adulthood sent a shiver of revulsion down my spine.
Ewww… Stars, I hope I forget this feeling by 2nd meal. They’re serving sturen and magamroot stew later. I was really looking forward to it.
With the herds mood beginning to temper Bernard tapped the podiums controls, removing the verdant collage of eucalyptus to display several similar yet distinct environments, still chortling merrily to himself in the process, “Ok then, with that little foray into their diet complete, why don’t we look at their habitat in more detail? As you might imagine given their diet and arboreal nature, Koala’s live in forested regions, and can be found in tropical and temperate zones. About a century ago they were classed as a vulnerable species, however efforts were made to turn this around and increase their numbers. Sadly the largest factor in their decline was human activity, as the fertile lands that gave rise to their bountiful forests were coveted farm land for our settlements.”
It was strange to hear Bernard so matter of factly admit to humanity's negative impacts on other species. He’d alluded to such things in the past but always with an air of caution, carefully pawing the line between honestly answering a question while not painting humanity as uncaring and destructive. AKA, the ‘predators’ we’d all initially expected them to be.
Perhaps his comfort in making such admissions was a reflection of the class's comfort with him, for no one so much as batted an ear. Even Kailo, who I would’ve expected to jump at the chance to use this as a prime example of predatory danger, only flicked an ear in stern yet silent concern.
A cough from Bernard drew my attention back, a new picture on screen that showed a forest from a bird's-eye view. Drawn across the image were around a dozen ringed areas, some bordering one another while others overlapped to some degree. It took me a moment, but I soon recognised that what I was looking at was a map, the rings representing what I assumed to be territories. And it didn’t take much effort to guess who each one belonged to.
“From habitats we move onto behaviours, so let’s start with territories. Koala’s are solitary animals. Yes, despite being herbivores. Considering they’re only awake for roughly four hours of the day I can hardly blame them. Lots to do and not a lot of time to do it. Jokes aside, once they mature they are quite independent, carving out a little slice of land for themselves, as displayed in this example, called a Home Range. That is not to say they go it alone and leave everything else behind however. Rather, as shown in the map behind me, they live in their own space while still being part of a larger social group.”
With another press of his pad the picture was updated to show one of two symbols in each segment, along with a key to the side of the map displayed in helpful Venlang. A quick glance told me that the symbols were representing whether the territory belonged to a male or female of the species.
“As you can see there is quite a bit of overlap between different Koala’s territories. It is in these areas that most of the socialising takes place between neighbours. The trees in these locations represent the few areas where intrusion across territories is acceptable for the sake of social interaction. Outside of that the Koala’s stick to their own territories for the most part, with the exceptions of Koala’s who are passing through, attempting to become part of the social group themselves, or dominant males who sometimes go off into another Koala’s range. But how do they know where one range begins and another range ends you might ask? Well, this brings us onto the next part of the lecture. How do Koala’s communicate?”
Wiping away the map from the monitor, Bernard loaded up a video of a Koala sitting in a tree and pressed play. Head held high, the Koala’s body shook as it belted out a reverberating call into the wilderness that could only be described as a garbled combination of a car engine failing to turn over mixed with the hiccups of someone with a particularly sore throat.
That’s how they sound? Oof that must be rough on the lungs.
I clearly wasn’t the only one to share such a thought, because I clocked Sandi tracing a paw along her neck as the noise went on, ears fluttering in discomfort at the noise.
Bernard himself cleared his own throat as the video came to an end, minimising it and replacing it with another image of a tree with a Koala rubbing up against the bark, “I think they’ve got me beat on who’s got the deeper voice!”
His joke garnered several amused beeps, a rare reaction that caused a beaming smile to shine across his face at lighting speed, “Oh you’re too kind. I’ll be here all week. Now where were we? Oh yes! Communication. As you’ve just heard, Koala’s are capable of loud low pitched bellows that can carry over vast distances. These express everything from ‘Hello I’m over here’ to ‘This is my turf, stay away’. Bellowing is more common in the males than the females, opting for shouting matches as opposed to outright fights when it comes to asserting dominance. Other vocal expressions include grunts, wails, and snarls if they’re acting particularly angsty. Mother and joey pairs also communicate through gentle clicking, squeaking, and murmuring sounds. And there’s one more thing worth mentioning. Something they have in common with Humans and Venlil when it comes to emoting.”
Really? They do something we do?
Curious, I pressed myself against the desk, straining as close as I could to once more scrutinise the Koala’s features. Not a lot stood out to me at first, the grey marsupial not sharing many similarities with a Venlil that I could identify.
Ok think. We show emotion with our ears, tails, and our wool on occasion. They don’t have tails so it’s obviously not that. Wool standing on end is more a reaction than a conscious expression. So it must be the ears then.
To my quiet satisfaction, my hunch was soon validated by Bernard, “As well as their vocalisations, Koala’s are very emotive through their facial features. Just like humans, they use their mouths and lips to show how they feel, but these tend more towards the aggressive side of the scale than what you might see on a human. Regarding yourselves however, Koala’s utilise their ears in tandem with their mouth movements when showing strong emotion.”
I was delighted to hear that my assumption was correct, a little happy flick twisting out through my tail and bapping against my chair with a muted thump against the plastic.
Hehe yes! Got one right!
“Now then, we are getting close to lunchtime so I’ll finish this segment off with something I think you’ll find particularly interesting. Diplomacy.”
Perplexed mutterings followed in the wake of the bizarre inclusion to the lecture, my own thoughts being dominated by bewilderment as I tried and failed to make sense of how the two could possibly be related.
Why would Koala’s, or any animal for that matter, be linked to diplomacy? Hmmm...
I could understand dispatching exterminators to deal with a predator issue as a show of goodwill, that at least includes animals, but Humans aren’t like that so I think I can safely scratch that off the list.
Maybe the humans who live in that region benefited from Koala’s in some way. Could they have gotten something from them? But what?
Hopefully not what the pups get from their mothers.
Agh no! Begone awful intrusive thoughts. Blegh! I don’t need that in my head.
As I wrestled with the short-lived revulsion inflicted upon me by my Star's damned subconscious, Bernard placed a new image on screen, one that was decidedly different from all that had preceded it.
On screen were more than a couple dozen pictures of humans. Some were pictured alone while others congregated in large groups while cameras surrounded them from all angles. Across all the images, I noted two common themes. First of all, a solid majority of the humans were wearing formal wear similar to what I’d seen worn by UN representatives on TV. If the gaggle of journalists in the background of the photos didn’t already confirm my suspicions, then it was this similarity which made me conclude they were all people of some importance. Likely politicians judging from context clues.
Secondly, each of the individuals was interacting with a Koala in some form. Some cradled one against their chests while others were feeding it eucalyptus leaves or pellets of some kind. One of the assumed politicians had become an impromptu bed for a snoozing bundle of fur, a gleeful smile spread across their face as they lovingly gazed down at the sleeping Koala in their lap.
As I continued to stare at the assorted photos something clicked into place, a sudden spark flickering into life. A burgeoning light of comprehension that flared and swelled with every wide-eyed breath I took. Some things still escaped me, things I hoped would soon be explained, but in staring at all of the humans happy smiling faces, I was struck with an instant of pure understanding.
If someone, say a Nevok for instance, offered to gift me a creature that was common to them but which might exotic and breathtaking to a Venlil, how could my feelings not be swayed? How could I walk away from that encounter and not have grown closer to them as a result?
“Koala diplomacy,” Bernard waved his hand up at the monitor, a slight reverence in his tone, “My favourite kind of soft power diplomacy. Where political leaders take photo ops with Koala’s and, on occasion, the Australian government loans Koala’s to other nations for a time to bolster positive relations. It certainly helps that Koala’s are a beloved animal worldwide, drawing large crowds and revenue for countries fortunate enough to host the adorable critters.”
The truly alien concept predictably sparked instant discussion in the herd, two polar opposite schools of thought swiftly cementing themselves as the most popular opinions. Simultaneously, I heard one voice trill excitedly while another scoffed at what they clearly saw as a ridiculous and offensive notion.
“Squee! That’d be so cool! I’d love to get the chance to see a Liri from Coila. Remember the Rainbow Boa? Think of that shimmering effect and colour but put it on a bird! Ah! I’ve only heard their song on video. It’d be a treat to hear it in person!”
Ooo! I’ve read about them! I’d love to get up close to one.
“Loaning. As if animals are property to be hoarded and traded? Pugh! Another predatory trait the humans don’t want to acknowledge for what it is.”
Ugh, typical. Jump right to the worst possible option.
However, despite my dismissal of their disparaging fumings, an uncomfortable thought pressed upon my mind. While it was plain to see how much humans cared for the Koala, it didn’t change the fact that humans did keep animals as property just as the scornful herd member had said.
This begged a rather important, disquieting question. Aside from keeping some animals as cattle, a stomach tightening minefield I had no desire to step a claw onto right now, how else did humans keep other creatures. And how did they treat them?
Before I was fully conscious of doing it my paw was in the air, the question primed on my tongue.
Noticing my elevated paw Bernard pointed at me, smiling warmly, “Yes Rysel? What’s on your mind?”
Sorry Bernard. I hope this one’s not too awkward for you to answer.
Flicking my ear in appreciation, and waiting for everyone to settle enough so that I could be heard, I voiced my concerns as neutrally as possible, “Thank you Doctor. I uh, just had a thought. We know that humans keep certain animals for… particular reasons, and we know why. From how you’ve spoken about Koala’s I think it's fair to say that the same cannot be said for them. However, this makes me wonder, what other reasons do humans have for keeping animals and how do you treat them?”
A flash of surprise blinked across Bernard's eyes but vanished so quickly that it felt like I’d imagined it. Had he not expected such a question? Maybe he was just shocked that it’d been me who’d ended up asking it?
Stars, am I so predictable that no one expects me to ask difficult questions?
Unfortunately, a quick glance at my deskmates seemed to prove that to be the case, as both Sandi and Kailo were looking at me with differing degrees of astonishment flapping in their ears.
Well speh.
“A very good point Rysel, certainly one that’s worth raising. Yet another example of you all anticipating what I have to say before I can bring it up myself.” Bernard tapped the podium, switching off the monitor before returning his focus to me, “We won’t be needing that. I’ve nothing prepared that I can show you and we’re heading to lunch in a few minutes anyway. Still, that’s plenty of time to give you a bit of an answer.”
A bit? What does he mean just a bit?
Made even more curious by Bernard's preempted admission that he wasn’t going to fully answer my query, I dialled both my ears on him, fixing him with an inquisitive stare as he started to explain with a tone that was noticeably more nonchalant than any of his previous explanations.
“So, animals in captivity for reasons other than what you already know. Honestly I would love to delve into other reasons regarding why we keep animals. However, I have a lesson plan in the works that I hope to share with you all in the not too distant future. Some of it touches upon this very topic and I’d quite like to bundle it all together. That said, I can tell you how animals in captivity are treated. In short, the answer is very well. There are a mountain of laws both on private and public interests that govern the standards and ethical treatment of animals, and breaches of these laws are quite severe even for relatively minor infractions.”
While I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed by the vague answer to what was really the bulk of my question, I was at least satisfied by Bernard’s assurances that animals in captivity, such as the Koala, were well looked after. Considering the barely subdued grumbling coming from some corners of the audience it was clear that several of the herd didn’t believe Bernard outright, but I trusted him to be honest. Additionally, the mention of an upcoming lecture focused on humans keeping animals caused quite the buzz.
I felt a mix of excitement and trepidation at exploring the topic further. He’d pretty much confirmed we wouldn’t be talking about cattle farms, for which I was relieved, but that still left a huge amount of uncertainty in what was to come.
Humans keeping animals as cattle was a forgone conclusion. As horrifying as that reality was, it was one I could understand from a detached and strictly clinical point of view. Being predators they ate meat and therefore they kept cattle. But the concept of keeping animals for any other reason baffled me.
What could be the purpose? The diplomacy thing makes sense now that I have context, but what other reasons could they have.
The class's discussions were interrupted by the recognisable ring of the break bell, the shift in attention eliciting a change in conversation from confused hypotheses to peppy conversation on how everyone was planning to spend their break and what they had in mind for 2nd meal.
“Well I can see everyone’s excited for lunch, and who am I to disappoint,” chuckling Bernard waved us all up from our seats, pocketing his pad from the podium and heading to open the classroom door for us, “Enjoy your break, get a good rest along with a hearty meal, and I’ll see you all back here at the usual time.”
As everyone else filed out I stayed behind, waving at Sandi and Kailo as they left, and pawing over to Bernard once he and I were the only ones left in the room.
Ears folded down and with an apologetic tinge in my voice I greeted him as I sidled up to him, “Hey Bernard, I uh… sorry if that last question was unexpected.”
Chortling in reply, Bernard waved a hand through the air in a sign I’d come to understand meant ‘not a problem’.
“No need to apologise Rysel. It was a good question and most certainly not a problem.”
Heh, called it.
I sighed, allowing tension I didn’t realise I’d been holding to relax itself from my shoulders, “Phew, that’s a relief. I’m glad. I’m curious to hear what this new lesson is you’ve got in store for us by the way.”
Bernard wagged a finger at me, throwing up his eyebrows in mock amazement, “Oh are you now? Well I’m afraid you’ll have to remain curious for the time being. It’s going to be quite the surprise if all goes to plan. But…”
He trailed off, glancing at me before looking to the door like he was making sure no one else was around.
Wait, is he going to tell me? Oh please yes let me know now!
Stopping myself from jumping on the spot in excited anticipation, and trying my damndest to stop my tail from wagging in equal measure, I stared up at Bernard as he stewed in his thoughts before turning back to face me.
“I can’t tell you the specifics, but I’m working with Alejandro and Tolim to get something together. A trip that’s not a trip as it were. And when it happens, I’m going to need a few of the more accepting members of the class to lend me a hand. I’m hoping you and a couple others will be able to help with that?”
A trip that’s not a trip? What does that mean? Agh who cares about that right now! Bernard’s relying on me to help out!
Still trying not to keep myself from bouncing around with pup like glee I swished my tail and nodded my head in joint agreement, happy to help with whatever Bernard had in store for us, “Of course! Anything you need I’ll be there to lend a paw. You can count on me!”
A broad warm smile lit up Bernard's face, a hand patting me on the shoulder in appreciation, “Thank you Rysel. I knew I could rely on you but it still warms my heart to hear it. And, as thanks for this and for the many times you’ve shown your support, the surprise includes a little something special I think you’d appreciate the most.”
If my earlier enthusiasm had been at a nine, then the implication of a supposed gift sent it rocketing all the way to a hundred in a heartbeat.
“Wait… WHAT!? What do you mean? What are you doing?”
As impossible as it seemed, Bernard's grin grew even wider as I almost lost myself in wool shaking exhilaration, “Call it my own form of Koala diplomacy. But I’m afraid that’s all I can say for now. Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise even for you!”
“Oh you ass!” Whistling jovially I bapped my tail against Bernard’s leg in fake indignation, evoking a barking bellowing laugh from the man himself.
Still laughing, the two of us departed the class and made for the canteen, my rumbling stomach leading me on while my mind spun with fantastical thoughts as to what Bernard had prepared for us.
And what specifically he had in store for me.

Sorry y’all I just reposted and hopefully all is good because I could definitely use support here.
Don’t kill me I’m definitely not born anywhere near a cent of money just some stuff I’m noticing.
Anyone in here ever hang around people who don’t really care about money because they have enough of it to get away with murder and notice how they do things differently? I think what’s most telling is how they treat people they know and people they don’t know.
Stealing: I watched my sister in law encourage her kid to skip a whole line of kids at a city festival because she knew she could get away with it since my daughter was taking her turn with her dad next and then fucking smiled at me the entire time like welp fuck these other people’s kids right…the same way I watched her not pay to do any of the rides until she noticed I was making my kids dad pay because it’s the right thing to do. Entitlement is fucking insane.
Wanting to be the Ringleader: They’ll kill you and tell you you enjoyed it mentality. It’s sport to play pranks on each other the more peeringly degrading and uncomfortable the better.
Bugs: We have a house full of spiders because essentially we live in the family home. I’m so fucking tired of killing spiders and I don’t like to actually kill them but they scare me and this baby of mine is pretty quick on their feet.
If Everybody is Doing It We’re All Doing It (Also Known as Following Orders): Your free time is negative because because Grandpa pays our life so you’d definitely fucking better be at whatever activity is that days activity because this is what the family is doing. I’m just tired of fucking limited say in everything at the end of the day….like come one it shouldn’t be a chore to tell your dad we want to go somewhere (I’d love to sneak off to have a smoke…bad I know but anxiety is through the roof!)
Y’all humor me. I’m going out of my fucking mind. I didn’t know they still did shit like this over here.

it happened really really quickly for which i’m so grateful for, but it was also so unexpected that i don’t really know what to say. i was sitting on my bed right next to the cage when i heard kinda digging sounds so i looked over wanting to see who it was, when i saw my sweet girl daisy all sprawled out. she was still moving at that time & im sorry to say i just froze because i immediately knew this was not a position a normal healthy rat would take. i wish i had moved in that moment, had taken her out immediately, just anything, but i froze.
she made three weird tiny sounds, it wasn’t like a cough or a sneeze, i can’t really describe it, and immediately two of her sisters ran over to investigate but i think by that moment she was already gone. i’m honestly so shocked, but doing the maths it’s been 15 months since i brought my girls home & they were already a couple months old at that point, so maybe i shouldn’t be so shocked? but they never really grew that big (rescue situation) and they’ve never once showed signs of aging and slowing that this just hit me.
i just feel so guilty because ive been down with a lung infection since last week & i couldn’t do anything for them. i just barely got out of bed to feed and change the water and i felt so so so awful that i couldn’t clean them properly or let them out, i finally felt better a bit today and thought i might do it on thursday, and now this happened. i was looking for pictures to attach so i could show everyone my beautiful daisy but i rlly am not one to take pictures which i regret so badly now so my words are all i have.
daisy was one of three of my white girls, she wasn’t entirely white, she had one tiny fleck of grey between her head and shoulder blades & those adorable dumbo ears. she always liked to climb the most, honestly sometimes id find her hanging basically upside down and she’s the reason i really entirely changed up the set up so we could include even more climbing. first thing she’d do during free roam was climb up on the cage and survey the situation. she didn’t like to be held much, but when she had something to munch on you could scratch behind her ears. yesterday i gave them cucumber slices, and she sat right at the door and i did just that & i just didn’t think it would be the last time i’d get to do it.
i guess this is tonight’s cautionary tale to hold your babies a little tighter and appreciate every second just a little more and to take those silly videos and pictures even if they don’t look good. make that short time count.

Yo, Reddit. What up?
So I've been following a shitty sub about a self-proclaimed makeup artist who, in all fairness, is an absolute trainwreck of a human being. From my understanding, this person begs their "fans" for money on Livestreams and likes to make videos of herself driving stoned. She isn't the best looking human being in the world, but seems to have a self esteem that's good enough to make herself feel like she just might be.
I don't have social media. I guess you could say Reddit and YouTube are the only "social" interactions I get outside of my every day life. So, I can't say that I know everything there is to know about this woman, but what I can say is that I'm disgusted by the fact that these hate subs are allowed to exist
These people doxx other people who disagree with their shitty comments, and they screenshot and post things, just fueling more hatred. Some of the things these people say with absolutely no shame are just appalling, and I am not a person who is easily offended. How can people be so stupid about a person they don't know personally? I would think that it would be much easier to get on with their lives if they just didn't pay this person any mind, and let the people be who are dumb enough to donate their cash to her. If you're not one of these people who seem to like her, or if you're not one of the people who are mindlessly giving your money away to her, what fuckin difference does it make how gross you deem a person from the internet to be? Do we really need entire hate groups for shit like this?
I know, people are entitled to their opinion, but for some reason I keep getting notifications in my emails from shit like this and it's getting fucking old. People need to get lives of their own and stop worrying about what other people are doing unless it's affecting them directly.
✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽

starting my now post-high school life (yay!) and starting to seriously think about saving plan/buying a car and things like that. My parents are TBM, I am not (they kiiiinda know that I hate the church, I think it’s hard for them to accept that not one but now two of their kids have left). I still have to go to church as I live in their house, but I’ve had jobs for over two years and never once have I paid tithing. Sure, I paid it when I was 7 on my birthday money but that does not count.
anyway. I was talking to my dad about saving plans and he was laying out how I would need to set it up- this much in my savings account, this much for gas, this much for goofing off- when he goes “And you should honestly be paying tithing your entire life, too.”
sir. I need to buy a car AND maybe pay for repairs for my current car. I am not spending $70 that will just go to the richest organization that doesn’t pay taxes in the world. Please. They have enough to build every single temple and they’d still have PLENTY left over. They don’t need my money. Thanks. Rant over.
I just rolled my eyes at him and didn’t say a word. What should I have said to him lol? With every little comment it’s getting harder and harder not to say anything, but I know anything their young daughter says to them won’t change their minds.

With the release of beast-yeast episode 3, we're going to be removing weekend level help threads for episodes 1 and 2

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We had our first season for 14 team Head-to-Head Cats Keeper money league consisting of pretty close friends. The first season was super successful and had a lot of activity and participation. With that kind of created this organic situation where on occasion, a team would challenge the team they were playing for the week in a side wager (example - whoever loses this week has to pay for a pizza for the winner). Additionally, about 3-4 teams in the league were a little less active than the rest, so my goal as Commish for this season is to get them more engaged by making each week more meaningful, therefore increasing waiver wire activity, trades, banter talk, etc.
We're looking to expand on that wager premise this season with a formal "Challenger" award - the team that wins the most challenges throughout the season wins a small money prize (only like 5% of the league pot). The idea behind it is to keep people super engaged each week with side wagers for anything (money bet, a vanity bet, food bet, etc etc). It can be for anything and everything that people want to wager on, and I'd like to give the league some more "standard" options - whether it's for a 1v1 or for multiple teams to "opt-in". It's all completely voluntary and given the relatively insignificant prize, won't piss off anyone. For background, we often hang out in discord watching NHL games while playing video games.
My questions is - does anyone have any unique side wagers that would be fun to add in each week? Some of the best ones so far (outside strictly $):

1. Loser has to buy a meal of some sort to the winner
2. Winner gets to change the name of loser's team (and/or discord name) for X weeks
3. Loser has to write a daily complimentary speech of at least 250 characters to the winner praising his/her greatness
4. Loser buys a subscription loot box of some kind for the winner.

If you folks have any cool ideas for what a wager outcome could be, or for what the wager could be placed specifically on (the whole scoring period, a specific NHL game, or specific NHL players), then I want to hear them!

**********************************************************
If anyone likes this idea, we have implemented it into our league rulebook. More than welcome to use it for your own =) --- (excuse the poor formatting after copy/pasting from Word into here).
Challenger Corner
a. The Challenger Corner is where formal & friendly wagers/bets/challenges of any kind can be made in the discord, specifically under #challenger-corner.
b. Managers are encouraged to keep the league fun and engaging by challenging their peers to fun bets based off the fantasy week! Managers have many options on how they want to do week to week bets, such as (but not limited to):
i. Challenge the specific team you are playing for the scoring period.
ii. Challenge another team that you are not specifically playing (can simply just compare stats at end of period to determine victor)
iii. Create a multi-team challenge for the period (like who’s team can score most points – everyone who’s interested puts $5 into a pot)
iv. Create a challenge where every manager involved picks 1 player to score the most points during a 1 week period
c. Examples of challenges include (but certainly not limited to)
i. Monetary bets
ii. Bets for loser has to buy winner a meal
iii. Name Change/Vanity Bets (winner changes name of loser for X period)
iv. Speech Bet (loser has to write a speech about the winner)
v. Whatever else you can think of that’s fun!
d. As we now include a “Challenger Award”, we will begin tracking a running tally of managers who have won/lost bets. In order to qualify for a formal win, you must do the following:
i. Challenge and its conditions must be formally posted under #challenger-corner before the start of the first game of the scoring week (or a specifically designated timeframe if occurring during the period – I.E. making a challenge based on one specific NHL game being played).
ii. The opponent(s) you are challenging must formally accept under #challenger-corner prior to game/period start.
iii. You must notify the Commissioners of a formal challenge accepted, and notify the Commissioners as to who the winner(s) are.
iv. Commissioners will keep a running tally and whoever won the most challenges in the year wins the “Challenger Award!”
1. In the event of a tie, the award winners can choose to either split the winnings or enter into another bet/challenge for the amount.
v. For any challenges that are agreed to during the week, it is the duties of the managers to hold themselves accountable and honor the bet – Commissioners will not enforce these side-wagers, however if the loser ultimately does not honor the commitment, they may be excluded from the formal Challenger Corner award in the future.

Hi everyone,
I 27(F) have come back to live with my mother after a year abroad and it's been a year now. Now, I have the option to leave again but the guilt I feel about leaving her seems insurmountable. Plus, I get no emotional support at all from my family (mother and brother) on this life decision that they see as erratic. I would be leaving to look for a job over there so I can totally understand that my plan lack a bit of structure and can look worrying to her. However, this is the best option for me since there is career option for my field of studies in my home country and I'm just so intensely miserable here!
My mother and I have had a very complicated relationship basically my whole life. As a child, she and my brother used to sort of put me apart and they have always been very close. My brother tells her everything about him while I barely share anything because she always ends up judging me and not being supportive. Plus I'm queer which she doesn't accept and expects me to erase my identity and it's quite hard being openly gay im my country. If there are queer people in a movie she will make sure to show her disgust which is plain hurtful.
I've suffered from depression at least since I was 13 and never got any support from anyone at home. Since I'm a child, if I cry, they both take it personally and get angry at me. I was only diagnosed at around 19 and it has been a tough road to take without their support. I felt almost instantly better when I left to go abroad and coming back has been a soul-crushing experience.
My mother has also supported me financially, took us on holidays and even payed for an expensive university for me (which my brother, who is 4 years older than me, resents me for). Even since I'm back she doesn't ask money from me for the house. If I pay for groceries most of time she will send the money back to me which I honestly hate. Cause I feel this then gives her a reason to say that she does all those things for me and I am just an ungrateful and mean person. I know she recently told my brother that I sort of make ger life miserable cause I'm always in a bad mood.
This is where my guilt stems from but also from the fact that I'm so moody when around her. She gets on my nerves and my body is always tensed when I'm here. I just get so so sad seeing how she'll give a free pass to my brother but she always gets angry at me. I quit a job last year to be able to do an (online) internship at an international organisation, which is super hard to get and will be great for my CV since my field is so competitive. After I told her about my decision, she silent treated me for three weeks which is a tactic she has used on me since I was a child and it works! I was so excited about this internship but with how she reacted I've just beed demotivated and depressed and ofc if she sees me crying she gets angry. Which is why I'm moody honestly cause I can't never communicate my feelings and expect support or understanding so I just shut down. And it's extra hard since on the other hand she expects me to support her emotionally. When she is sick, she takes this little voice and just expects me to clean, cook and everything. But I can't do all of this. I already clean most of the house on my own while she barely does anything to be honest. And I cook for myself. I cooked for her when she was sick and she kept complaining the food made her feel bad so I mostly let her cook for herself now, plus with my internship and being depressed I just don't have the energy to do all of this. However depressed I am, she will never take care of me. If I get a fever she gets upset at me and thinks I'm pretending.
I'm so exhausted. My Saturdays consists just of that: cleaning. If I go out with friends she will often get upset cause she is staying home. When I ask her is she wants to go to an event or the cinema she says she doesn't want to or she will see then never gets back to me. I can't keep pushing. Even when we go out, we barely have anything to say to each other. I try to make conversation by asking about her work and colleagues and what not but she never asks me anything at all. If I talk about something nice that I did when I was abroad or tell about something sweet a friend did for me or said to me, she doesn't reply just like my brother. So I just shut up most of the time cause it's painful. Sometimes I feel like I might have a mood disorder seeing how my mood is all over the place here. But then I remember my time abroad or time spent with friends and remember I'm actually so calm and stable in these instances.
Now I said clearly this is my plan to leave. They asked a few questions but I feel they are both acting as if it will never happen anyway. And my mother has told me many times to stay here, get a job here, etc. But even if I moved out of her place I feel I would still be miserable in my home country. Firstly, I'll never get the chance to acquire experience in my field plus even if I'm not living with her she will expect me to like come see her, probably clean for her (which I wouldn't mind at all if on the other hand she was not going behind my back talking about how mean I am). And secondly I want to be free to live my life as a queer person. All I really want is to have peace within me. I don't care abiut having big houses and cars and buying new clothes like they do (they both work in finance - we are not rich but middle class and we live well).
When I think of my plan, I just get so overwhelmed just because my family gives no emotional support at all, no advice. Of course, this plan might fail but that's okay, and I would need them to tell me that. I need them to say they understand that leaving is the best option for me and hey it's good to give it a try and if it doesn't work out, well life will. I so badly need them to support me. But all I get is guilt tripping about her health and the fact she has no friends and will be alone. It's so overwhelming that I'm so depressed and come to think that the only solution for me right now would be to be dead honestly. Then I won't have to deal with any sadness or guilt and maybe I'm not meant to do something meaningful of my life anyway. I just need some advice to see if I'm beinh mean or if I deserve to have my life as I want it to be.

Howdy! My name is Hayden, I'm 20, I'm from the US(Georgia), and as the title suggests I'm looking another nerd person!
What I'm looking for: • someone who is at least 19 and someone who is at most 21
• someone who enjoys video games, anime, sitcoms, computers, legos, being happy, and random knowledge that will be of absolutely no use to daily life
• someone who is healthy or at least working towards it. I understand that life sucks and it gets in the way so that's entirely optional
• in terms of location, idrc lol. As long as we aren't in crazy timezones it's fine by me lol.
About me: • I enjoy video games, anime, legos, computers, attempting to be happy, cooking, reading, baking, and talking about random knowledge I have that isn't useful to my daily life.
• I have a cat named Dill Pickle and she is everything to me. Id share some pictures of her but rn she's a bit rough because she's sick but we're getting that taken care of and soon she'll be back to her happy self.
• I also have a fish named Sandlord as his hero name and ○*♤+ as his secret identity(wouldn't be a secret if I told you). He is a betta fish in a 10 gallon tank. Not much to say there tbh lol.
• I'm also planning on learning Saxophone and Spanish
• I currently still live with my family because tbh there's just nowhere to live around here rn. All of the houses are pretty much taken or are extremely too far out of my price range
Well that's about all I have to say! If you're interested just send me a dm and we can get to know each other. If you'd like to move to a different platform I have Instagram and I'm very active there
If you read this all the way send me a photo of your favorite candy, it can be one ripped from the internet lol

Howdy! My name is Hayden, I'm 20, I'm from the US(Georgia), and as the title suggests I'm looking another nerd person!
What I'm looking for: • someone who is at least 19 and someone who is at most 21
• someone who enjoys video games, anime, sitcoms, computers, legos, being happy, and random knowledge that will be of absolutely no use to daily life
• someone who is healthy or at least working towards it. I understand that life sucks and it gets in the way so that's entirely optional
• in terms of location, idrc lol. As long as we aren't in crazy timezones it's fine by me lol.
About me: • I enjoy video games, anime, legos, computers, attempting to be happy, cooking, reading, baking, and talking about random knowledge I have that isn't useful to my daily life.
• I have a cat named Dill Pickle and she is everything to me. Id share some pictures of her but rn she's a bit rough because she's sick but we're getting that taken care of and soon she'll be back to her happy self.
• I also have a fish named Sandlord as his hero name and ○*♤+ as his secret identity(wouldn't be a secret if I told you). He is a betta fish in a 10 gallon tank. Not much to say there tbh lol.
• I'm also planning on learning Saxophone and Spanish
• I currently still live with my family because tbh there's just nowhere to live around here rn. All of the houses are pretty much taken or are extremely too far out of my price range
Well that's about all I have to say! If you're interested just send me a dm and we can get to know each other. If you'd like to move to a different platform I have Instagram and I'm very active there
If you read this all the way send me a photo of your favorite candy, it can be one ripped from the internet lol

MAIN CLAIM: The entire concept of racism is irrelevant, and discussing it from whichever standpoint will lead to nothing.
REASONS:

1. Beliefs ≠ Actions — An individual has the right to make any sort of conclusions towards anything, since we're all equal, no one can claim moral superiority or enlightenment. With that said, actions that can result from racist beliefs are NOT unethical BECAUSE of racism but INDEPENDENTLY from it. EX: Murder (It's not racism that makes murder unethical), insults (it's not racism that makes offensive speech unethical), discrimination (It's not racism that makes treating another as inferior that makes that act itself unethical).
   
2. The notion of racism necessarily implies the existence of race — When anti-racist people speak out against racism, they do so refuting the core notion that "there are no superior races", this will lead to no results since it leads to it being a matter of difference of information and experience (Racists have, in their heads, good and tangible reasons to be racists that can be pointed out). HOWEVER, the rebuttal of this core notion has a VALIDATING effect for racists because it makes their main assumption that race exists LEGITIMATE. Since it's not that assumption that is being tackled the racist will comfortably believe that if the anti-racist had been through similar experiences they'd understand why a certain race is inferior. Meanwhile, if the concept of race was refuted as a whole, there'd be no space for those conclusions. One thing to be considered is that the existence of the race DOES necessarily imply superior and inferior (EX: if there are races, then there are groups that are genetically different, which means that they will necessarily have different IQs, one higher, one lower), at most it can be argued that this superiority and inferiority is context-dependant, but this does not matter for the racist who WILL use the info in those exact contexts.
   
3. Anti-racism oftentimes further propagates racism — A quick example is enough. When new movies, or other forms of media, come out featuring black individuals in prominent roles, many ardent anti-racists start dissecting the traits and plot points attributed to these black characters, to make sure there is no racism. This has a dehumanizing effect since it necessarily implies that are certain actions/behaviors/plot points that can ONLY happen to blacks if a racist screenwriter decides so. With anti-racism, the focus is constantly on race, taking the individual out of the equation and judging him solely through a racial viewpoint. I was watching a video by Metatron where he reacts to a video by an historian analysing a scene from the movie 300, the historian states that it is ableist for a deformed character to be represented as deceitful and a traitor. This is not about race but is a similar enough theme. What happens here is that the experience of the deformed character is completely dismissed (they have reasons to be deceitful) and its free-will completely ignored because the focus is on its appearance and body by the very people who criticise it. It's also implying that deformed people cannot be traitors. Why wouldn't they? If we're all the same?
   
4. It has an ostracising effect — Very often people forget that racists have REASONS to be racist. If they have had a disproportionate amount of bad experiences with people of a certain race, it's NATURAL to adapt to this experience with misguided conclusions. The same way that, on a larger scale, women can develop a generalised fear of men due to sexual harassment. When morality is brought to the topic, it further separates and alienates racists by DISMISSING THEIR EXPERIENCE. This is wrong because it's demanding that people be more rational than they are capable of on their own and invalidating their fears and natural adaptations, and all of this because people either seek the moral highground, want to virtue signal, or are lazy in actually tackling racist issues. No conflict will EVER be solved by further alienating someone by attributing to them immoral qualities. No one is born immoral, everyone is malleable. But treating them as monsters most certainly ensures they'll remain monsters. It is extremely counter-productive to alienate racists, as if one could solve problems of discrimination by preaching to those that are already converted. Needless to say, any actions need to be punished or rewarded accordingly, regardless of the person behind them.
   
5. It doesn't tackle the core issues — It happens INSANELY often that people reject actual facts about reality in order to avoid racism and bigotry. Using as an example the 13/50 statistic. This statistic IS real. People immediately want to hide or quickly "disprove" it away because of its danger, but again, this is counter-productive and lazy. If a racist sees this statistical fact, and sees that anti-racists delusionally reject it, his view WILL BE LEGITIMISED. Applying a moral layer to a matter of INFORMATION is a terrible, terrible idea. No one is immoral for trying to understand a statistic, but if they are treated as such, they will be such.
   

MY PROPOSED ALTERNATIVES:

1. The experience of racists should be openly validated, tackled and EXPLAINED. Carefully demonstrating what the 13/50 means for racists has, potentially, very positive effects. Not only could such an explanation, if done effectively, be enough to stop it from being used for racists conclusions, it could have the complete opposite effect and make racists more aware of the experience of blacks from the perspective of economical and societal issues (of which human GREED is the main source). This should be done WITHOUT any morality involved. It takes work, strength, courage, knowledge and reasoning, so of course it is harder than merely preaching, but it is the only thing that can work. It requires open-minded, detached and precise counter-arguments for the exact things racists say, instead of generalised moralistic statements or attempts and censoring.
2. There should be a wider spread of GENUINE black role models and positive actions, as well as history. This has, in my opinion, never be started and has had a counter-productive effect since what media has done is take away stories from caucasians, for example, and trade those with blacks, as well as constantly trying to force formulaic and generic examples of black strength that have no effect because they aren't true (EX: Wakanda). Whites have little access to true and inspiring stories from other cultures. A movie like "the boy who harnessed the wind", for example, which tells a real and authentic story about an african family, has 10000x more power than the modern "ACCEPT THAT OTHER RACES ARE GOOD AND YOU'RE A DEMONIC WHITE" media.
3. Make an actual effort to finally NOT SEE COLOR, which used to be the main goal. Even if others do see color, if you try to tackle it from their perspective, you won't win. Offer a different perspective, an alternative worldview, and don't challenge theirs. No one is special.

Hi I need your help, anyone who can help me plz do I need another point of view on what I’m living rn. Okay so I’m a trans guy and I met this guy on TikTok, we started talking cuz he liked one of my posts and we talked a lot online and became friends with benefits (I was sending nudes of me and we did video calls and stuff and we still do). He always saw me as a boy and I’m so fucking grateful for that I can’t believe it, he treats me very well and is very sweet. I started liking him more and got to know him better and we agreed to see each other this summer (he lives in another country) and it’s been hell finding a place to sleep at and I’ve spent a lot of money. I really wanna see him like fuck I can’t stop thinking abt him but ngl I think he likes me less than I do and damn it hurts, and I have this bad tendency of getting very easily attached to ppl I like and I just need to see him to know if we could ever be in a real relationship or not. I’ve never seen irl so idk how he really is in person but I’m so excited to see him I can’t wait. I’m scared it’s not gonna go well and he’ll find me annoying and shit, I really like him but sometimes I feel like he finds me so boring and likes me only for my body but he still wants to see me this summer and idk idk I’m scared he’ll say screw it and not go and I already booked the plane so either I got there alone lol or I waste 200 bucks. I think I just need reassurance and someone to tell me it’s gonna be alright. Also dw he’s real like I’ve got pictures of him and we play games nearly everyday so I know he’s not a creep lol Guys idk help me