Hello all! I'm working my way through some samples and wanted to drop some reviews for you! I'm a bit verbose lmao and I don't want the post to be too long, so I will be making additional posts in the coming days. Hope these are helpful or interesting!
Evil Eye - Arcana Wildcraft

Protection against malevolent forces. An opening of bright Sicilian aniseed leads to a creamy, addictive, gourmand heart of Mexican vanilla, dark cocoa, sugar-encrusted blonde woods, warm amber, sandalwood milk, Cetalox, and soft golden tobacco. A woody gourmand with anise and chocolate.

Wet and in the bottle: Very strong, tangy wood, to me it reads like cedar. Reminds me of my parents cedar closet in the attic. I suspect it's the sandalwood. It's very very strong, you get a sense of a sweetness but it's very overpowering in this form.
Wet and just applied to skin: The intense woody tang remains, but a lactonic, no an oaty sweetness starts creeping up more and more the drier it gets. A noticable musk is peeking out here as well.
Dried down on skin: Now the frag has arrived where it should be, it's creamy and woody and sweet. The cedarey sensation remains but it's swirled into steamed, sweetened vanilla oatmilk. Like a wood latte. Feels like something they sell at dryad cafes. The musk grows with wear. I don't get a "cashmere" note that you usually find in scents that mention that. It feels more like a soft, plush musk, something there to keep it from being just gourmand, because strangely the cedar feels kind of herbal like those flower lattes. Comes a long way from the very non gourmand WOOD opening to where it reads like wood, but wood you can eat.
Final thoughts: I'm actually deeply obsessed with this fragrance. I really really love it, even the intense opening of it. This gave me a sort of paradigm shift, where I realized all my recent faves have been perfumey gourmands and not the realistic gourmands I once thought I preferred. Fantastically imaginitive frag, I certainly would've never thought of it. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) I did layer it, and it was fine. They both kind of exist at the same time but don't really create something together. But they don't clash, which is great news because you know me and my VB.
Fleeced Skeleton Onesie - BPAL

freshly-washed fleece skeleton onesie and a little bit of smeared eyeliner

Wet and in the bottle: Sweet laundry smell. Reminds me of hugging a friend in high school and you can smell their "vanilla orchid" scented laundry soap their mom picked out. Idk why that specifically, but that's what it's giving.
Wet and just applied to skin: I saw someone say it smelled like banana to them and I get what they mean. There's a floral sweetness (like a banana) cut by something slightly vegetal, just the tiniest bit green. Finishes with a lipsticky quality, but creamy not powdery. From afar, it smells like it did in the bottle - sweet laundry, but with a proper sniff you get the separate elements making that up. The makeup sensation seems to get stronger as it warms.
Dried down on skin: Very much like Avon lipstick. My grandma was an Avon lady and had so much Avon cosmetics, and it really reminds me of her lipsticks. White floral with a creamy quality, but not lactonic. I've smelled this in other things, someone said it's giving crisco and that's almost exactly right. A smooth but sort of aggressively quality-less creaminess. There's something here that reads as very slightly lemon-ey to me, but it mostly just serves to keep it from being sugary sweet. The laundry smell is strong from afar, similar to bedsheet ghost but more floral and less "hot". This isn't just dried laundry it's a clean shirt you folded and put away the night before. But any closer inspection of the frag, a deep sniff, and it's a heady white floral with creamy elements.
Final thoughts: I usually don't like white florals, but I like this one! I wouldn't wear it all the time, it won't become a regular thing, but I do like it. It has a sense of nostalgia, and it really reminds me of scene kids for whatever reason, which I think is what she was going for. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! I think the tangy fruity sweetness of VB calms some of the louder white florals, and it gives it maximum scene kid.
Asses Plus Long, Qu'un Siecle Platonique - BPAL

opal-gilded white rose petals, vanilla flower, and caramelized benzoin

Wet and in the bottle: Sharp, biting, headaching rose
Wet and just applied to skin: This is a true rose, leans more realistic than the kind of fantasy powder rose. It's a little peppery like fresh roses tend to be, a little astringent. Like floral in the most literal meaning of the word. Platonic ideal of a floral. Green, planty, smooth, peppery rose. Kind of arugula adjacent (this is how I feel about smelling most real roses).
Dried down on skin: I figured this would be pretty linear as a frag because of how almost solinote-ey it was for me for a good long while. It stays its perfect rose self, I can maybe get zome benzoin at the tail end, but it melds into the astringency of the rose to where it feels like it's mostly aiding in the solinote. But, after a good long while, like 3.5 hours, it becomes pure bitter zingy benzoin. Very very bitter. Like surprisingly bitter. I sniffed my wrist after a few hours to check on it and was like staggered a bit. Interesting touch, I feel like. Makes this kind of dark and spooky in a way.
Final thoughts: I like rose as an element often but I feel like this is too much rose. It's almost scary how much rose it is. I like it and I think it's well crafted and it's cool how realistic it is for me, but definitely not something I'll reach for often. I've been trying to give florals a fair shake recently, as for a long time I'd decided they were right out but for jasmine. And while this one didn't sell me on florals or rose as a whole, it made me think there's something more interesting there than I thought. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! Makes it a bit more what I'm used to in terms of a rose. A kind of candied, fruity rose situation. More recognizable to me. I do think it gets weird with its endstage benzoin phase though.
We're Werewolves Not Swearwolves - S92

Ambroxan, trampled moss, soft tonka, boozy vanilla, smashed pumpkin, black coffee, acid-washed denim, wild grey musk

Wet and in the bottle: Dirty coffee, a bit of sweetness. Honestly not all that appealing in the bottle.
Wet and just applied to skin: Warm, delicious toasty coffee sweetened with damara sugar. Musk and something slightly salty make it read caramelled and also ground it. Amazing, almost smokey coffee gourmand here.
Dried down on skin: Becomes a spicy, salty coffee slush of sorts. So roasty toasty, but in a way that's super wearable. Doesn't smell like you just walked out of a coffee shop but rather than you ooze coffee, and it gets stuck in the threads of your lightly perfumed (choco musk perhaps) flannel. Smells like curling up to see the stars with a fancy starbucks coffee, the ones with the crunchy caramel bits on the top. So musky and addictive.
Final thoughts: Actually one of my new favorite frags, which is highly unfortunate because I have about half a slonk and don't feel comfortable ever ordering direct from S92. Will be looking for a fullsize in the swaps. I'm soso on coffee scents, I like them in theory but I think they're either very short lived or not gourmand enough for me, instead becoming a kind of interesting earthy note. But here it's all coffee ice cream type coffee but made round and full by some classical perfumey additions. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) It's fine, not my favorite combination. They don't so much blend as sort of sit next to each other.
Boardwalk - S92

Coconut pulp, coconut milk, Coppertone, sand, sea breeze, driftwood, melted vanilla ice cream cone, sticky cotton candy

Wet and in the bottle: Very verbena-ey to me. That kind of smooth, almost creamy greenness. Touch of sunscreeney coconut, lots of sweetness. Reads like a fancy slushy summer drink.
Wet and just applied to skin: Much sweeter, coconut imparts a nice kind of nuttiness, very much like Coconut Lime Verbena from bath and body works, which I'm a fan of. Definitely has the sunscreen quality about it. I swear at the end of the sniff, it's exactly like fresh saltwater taffy. That kind of slight saltiness, nondairy creaminess. It reminds me of the blue ones in particular, which I think were blueberry but had a slight herbal quality about them. All of this comes together to really complete the "fancy, slurry summer drink" feeling.
Dried down on skin: This scent is pretty linear for its notes, it doesn't change much to me from the wet on skin phase. Maybe that taffy at the end becomes more the forefront. Not as coconuttey a drydown as I was hoping for.
Final thoughts: I like it, but I'm not a huge summer frag person these days. I think they tend to smell kind of samey to me unless they're doing something very specific. But it's very nice, very wearable, definitely sniffed myself a lot. I feel like it's missing something I'm wanting though, maybe just more coconut, or maybe it smelling like coconut lime verbena makes me want a limey note from it. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! I love this combo bc VB reads very cotton candy to me, and I didn't really detect cotton candy in this frag, more just a general sweetness, and the VB helps to amp that.

Hi! Does anyone know if there is a floral wholesaler that allows non-businesses to make an occasional visit? I'm planning an event and I'd like to have some floral arrangements. Grateful for any insight you could provide!

HUGtto Precure is the season that marks the fifteenth anniversary of Precure. It's main theme was the past, present and future. Was it a good season of Precure? ...Yeah I'd say so. Did it have flaws? Sadly a lot. So let's look at both of them:
THE CURES
While they're not the best as a group compared to other teams, like sometimes Macherie and Amour feel like their own thing, I can at least think of some pretty good dynamics between each character this season, obviously Macherie and Amour are one, but then you have Yell + Ange, Yell + Amour, Ange + Etoile, etc, overall they're all pretty solid dynamics.
Cure Yell/Hana Nono - I LOVE HANA NONO, like I may be biased because she's my favorite pink lead in all of Precure, but putting that aside, she had really amiable traits, an endearing personality (she's such a clutz), and had flaws that made her pretty relatable. Now, do I think her backstory was kind of random and she was tad bit too much of a genki girl towards the second half? ...As much as I want to deny that, yes. But she was still done right. Bonus points for having one of the healthiest families in all of Precure (this could go for other cures but I just really love the Nono's).
Cure Ange/Saaya Yakushiji - I really loved Saaya... and then by the end she was kind of decent. Her episodes started out really well and by the end they were kinda a chore to get through, it also doesn't help that her development was in the background at a point in time. Still, I like that she's a bit more of a geek for a blue, and I kind of wish her arc of being an actress to a doctor made a bit more sense because realistically... what is that job transition.
Cure Etoile/Homare Kagayaki - ALL OF HOMARE'S EPISODES WERE ANIMATED SO WELL, like I rewatch Episode 4 and Episode 16 specifically because... well duh. Homare had one of my favourite introduction arcs to a Precure and was really cool... but by the second half... her arc became a tad bit... missing when Harry and Bicine got involved and I think her episodes, from a writing perspective, became a bit of a chore though not as much as Saaya's. Still, I like her and she's pretty solid
Cure Macherie - Macherie was silly, I initially thought she was a tad annoying, but then Amour appeared and she became pretty enjoyable. Like imo she's genuinely pretty entertaining and, while she isn't the most... deep Cure ever, she at least had a pretty good presence throughout the show even if she was overused. I thought she was pretty good.
Cure Amour - I WISH SHE WAS STILL MONOTONE, like she peaked really well at the first half of the season because she was monotone as freak and then by the second half she became... creepily like a human pretty fast. Still, I really love Amour and I do think she's really great, though I do think she was misused a lot.
THE FAIRIES
Hugtan - Hugtan is Elle-chan one right, I love Hugtan and the connection between her and Hana. Hugtan really endeared me as a fairy. Hugtan was cute, fun, never really spoke any lines. I wish more baby fairies were like this.
Harry - Harry is really competent, he's like Tarte 2.0 for me. While the stuff involving Homare was a tad... I actually don't remember if it brought down his character at all or if it brought him up, he was still very fun and I always enjoyed his onscreen presence.
THE SIDE-CHARACTERS
These are some really good side characters in Precure... though sometimes they can get overused, some notable standouts I can remember are... the dude from the first episode who was the first monster of the week, the band dude who had a crush on Hana, Hana's grandma, Hana's whole family, those two characters in Episode 16 who were besties, Macherie's older brother... these people I actually take note of (despite not remembering their names but I do know their personalities so shhh) so props to that HUGtto
Henri - I have positive opinions on him and I do think he is one of the best side characters in Precure. He may have been overused like seriously a side character shouldn't be used THIS much, he was still pretty good.
THE VILLAINS
Charaleet - He was fun and pretty intimidating at times but that's really it for his character. I did like him enough but he never necessarily left that much of an impact on me. I did like the stuff they did with him in the second half but maybe that's because I treat villains as an afterthought compared to side-characters.
Papple - I like Papple a little less then Charaleet, I do think she had a bit more interesting stuff going on involving Gelos or Kurai, and I will say she was fun when redeemed but she was kinda there at the second half for the most part
Diagan - Diagan was so... he was a bit forgettable... sometimes he was unintentionally hilarious but other then that... he was meh
Gelos (+ those butlers) - Gelos was honestly pretty fine until... she got dragged down by HUGtto's second half... and then she was kind of... forgettable by the end but she was at least somewhat decent... her butlers were not good though
Bicine - BICINE HAD SO MUCH GOING FOR THEM. Like the yandere they had, their rivalry with Homare, the backstory with Listol... and then they became an afterthought in the finale which really hurt because I enjoyed them... and then they became a bit... meh me personally.
Dr. Traum - Ok... hot take... while I do like Dr. Traum and how he plays into Amour's arc. I'd honestly remove him from the show if I potentially got to rewrite it. HEAR ME OUT. While I think Dr. Traum was entertaining, he was also kind of misused a LOT in the show, like how his final battle was overshadowed with a crossover. Like, I think Amour finding her own identity (and thus adding to how she'll get over her monotone tendencies later in the show) would make for a good arc on her own
Listol - He was intimidating... and he still kind of is... I don't know. Most of his stuff was kind of related to Bicine... and Listol had some good moments but he's the one I kind of forget the most out of the villains.
George Kurai - Kurai was pretty great, he was mysterious at first and was kinda creepy but as the show went on I did feel empathetic towards him... even if his backstory, to me, was just a tad bit vague. Dude might be one of my picks for a top 10's list of best Precure final villains ever.
MISCELLANEOUS (Fights, Music, Character Design, etc)

• I want to live in the city HUGtto takes place in like it's so casual
• THESE ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE PRECURE DESIGNS EVER
• ok so maybe this is a mild take but the music was a bit forgettable... though that second ending theme and LOVE & LOVE is so good
• The transformations were lowkey forgettable but Macherie + Amour carried
• I loved the fights sometimes, LIKE THERE IS SOME REALLY GOOD ANIMATION IN SOME EPISODES ...but most of the time they were kind of forgettable
• The all stars movie with all the cures was carried by the villain and Hana, everything else was mostly good, I definitely recommend it.

OVERALL
HUGtto Precure could've been good... and it kind of was? It just had many flaws holding it back from being one of the best of all time. Still, for what it's worth, I will take HUGtto any day over some other seasons, and points for HUGtto for always being consistent with it's main theme of time, some of the characters, and somewhat keeping up the spirit of old and new Precure.
I'm giving this season a really high B+ (7/10)

This is my first Reddit post so yay, but kinda sad given the title lol. It’s also long sorry. So I 23f have never really had male friends and I mean a genuine one. The only way I would interact with them when I’m with my girl friends and we were going out somewhere or they would invite their boyfriends and I would talk to them. Other than that I never had a guy friend, and the ones I’ve had contact with have just been acquaintances or friends of my girl friends.
So I was at this party with my friends and long story short we ended up leaving and bar hopping with a huge group of people from the party. A healthy mix of girls and boys. And everyone was fun and we were all having a good time and I was making more friends along the way. I met jay 25m (his real name idgaf) and he was real cool we talked and his guy friends were cool too and funny. So we all got each others social media (me and my friends) and was planning to hang out sometime again.
So basically that never happened, but that’s life lol. But we all stayed mutuals and interacted on social media. So I started going to a new gym and ended up seeing jay there. We talked and made plans to be gym buddies and hang out sometime.
Now I wanna preface I am very direct and told him from the jump that I am only looking for a friendship. I told him flat out “don’t think you can wait a few weeks, months, years and think you can fuck me. Don’t think I was leading you on and that I friend zoned you because you never left the zone and were always there”. I told him I’d like a genuine guy friend and was hoping the feeling was mutual and he agreed.
So the first time we went to the gym it was nice. We worked out, went downstairs to the pool. He didn’t go in but I swam some laps and then we went into the hot tub together and just talked and chilled. After that we separated and went into the locker rooms. I told him I was going to take a shower and that he could leave because I didn’t want him waiting for me bc I take long showers. He said he didn’t mind and would wait for me. So I take my shower and meet him in the lobby and we take the elevator and head to the parking lot.
Okay so what happened was while we were walking to my car I forgot to validate my parking ticket in the gym lobby so I told him I’ll be right back and told him to hold my bag. Now, in reality I could’ve just brought my gym back with me. He didn’t need to hold it at all but to be honest I wanted to test him. Would he be a normal person and wait for me and not look through my bag? Or would he? If he didn’t then I had nothing to worry about. But what if he did? I’m very particular with how I pack my bag so I would know. Call me distrustful idc because I am.
So I get back tell him thanks he gives me my bag and we go our separate ways. I got home and immediately start to wash my clothes because I hate wet clothes and I have to wash them. So then I empty my bag and my panties are gone? Like the dirty ones that I did a full blown work out in. You know what’s crazy is that I suspected him first but then I told myself to chill because what kind of person does that? Especially this being the first time we ever hang out?? Then I started gaslighting myself. Did I not put them in my bag? Omg what if I left it and now there’s a pair of my underwear in the gym lockeroom how embarrassing. The thing is I know I put them in there, I was just in denial and honestly I couldn’t believe it lmao. Like where do we go from here.
We hang out again a week later. We did the same routine like last time and I validated my ticket, but this time I was really going to test him. We were waiting for the elevators and I told him I left my keys on the counter in the locker room. I told him to hold my bag again and I’ll be right back.
This time I specifically put my panties on the side pocket of my gym bag so this time I know I’m not crazy. I kid you not I had to be gone for less than a minute and 20 seconds. He gives me back my bag we go our separate ways and I go home. I look in my side pocket they’re GONE. I literally screamed I kid you not. Do you know how crazy you have to be to go out of your way to not only look through my bag to not find my underwear but THEN look somewhere else for them?? Bros a panty thief, the garment gobler if you will. So at this point I feel like he knows because why else would I put them there? Which makes it so much worse. But honestly I was floored. And they were cute too. The first pair had strawberries on them and a pink little bow and the second ones weren’t that special but they were soo comfortable.
At that point I was mourning our friendship because literally besides that he was cool. Honestly he was still a stranger because we only hung out twice but dang I was hopeful. So I immediately text him and ask why him “why are you stealing my underwear and all he said was “yeah sorry”. Didn’t even deny it which is crazy. Then he asked if I liked it and I basically let out the biggest sigh. So disappointing. I called him out for being a perv and told him how disgusting he was knowing he crossed a line because we were supposed to be platonic friends. I blocked him on all platforms and told all my girl friends about him and told his guy friends too. We all have him blocked idk about his guys friends though.
It just really sucks. I know not “all men” but damn why me. My big brother is a really good man, has good morals and treats woman with respect and I respect him a lot, and he always protectes me. I was just hoping to meet good guys like my brother because I know they’re out there.
Anyways to anyone who read the whole thing thanks for listening!

The Injustice Initiative and Megaverse Council did not grieve with their former leader for too long, due to the combined forces of Venessa and Velocity making swift progress in uniting dozens of Omniverses under their heroic banner. Velocity used her direct and demanding demeanor to influence the defenders of each Omniverse to join the Council and was brutally honest in her meetings with the current situation. She stressed that if they refuse to join then they will face extinction and the Council will not help them when they are attacked due to them only having priorities for attacking the demons head on. Venessa on the other hand focused her attention in strengthening the Injustice Initiative with rigorous training and firing incompetent people in leadership positions and swiftly replacing them with those that were far more competent and understood the severity of the situation. In the span of 16 days, the combined efforts of these two feminine leaders made great leaps in progress that equaled or surpassed Diamond's own work in the past three months.
While these two were on a mission together, The Researcher contacted them regarding a very important matter. When the two heroines arrived at the Council's headquarters The Researcher revealed to them two enormous discoveries. "We finally found them. The place where our foes call home, Omniverse 6,666,666. We do not know much of this Omniverse other than the Diamond from Omniverse 8 being aware of its potential and became paranoid of its existence leading him nearly wiping all traces of it from the Council's database. I happen to uncover the last fragments of his report that failed to be deleted. Furthermore, the Core of that Omniverse is deeply fractured, completely drained of all power. We can deduce with sound reasoning that the landscape of that Omniverse is something out of an apocalypse with everything that could have gone wrong, definitely went wrong. In addition, it is a very wide and vast Omniverse similar to the Main Omniverse. In fact, before its current miserable state, it was a near copy of the Main Omniverse. We are trying to scout and analyze the area as best as we can, but it is blocking all of our scanners. Our supernatural sensors can barely last four seconds before frying when they sense the amount of dark negative energy that shrouds that Omniverse." Velocity, "And the other news?" "We also found a very promising Omniverse that was elusive to our map, but just appeared and is surging with radiant energy from the Light." Venessa abruptly, "Light? Like The Light......... not just colorful lights?" "Correct. Would you care to guess what this Omniverse's number is?" "I would assume it would be the polar opposite of the other, so Omniverse 7,777,777?" "Bingo. Apparently, they have a hierarchy over there and their King requests your presence. His words not mine were King Alexander humbly requests the presence of Empress Venessa of the Main Omniverse and any companions she wishes to bring for a formal meeting in regards to the future protection of the Megaverse."
"Alright, message King Alexander and tell him I will adhere to his request. She accessed her communication com and ordered Tray and Cross to join her on the mission. She then turned to Velocity. I would have you join me on this mission, but I do not want to delay the progress you are making in convincing more Omniverses to join our cause." A short time passed as the three members arrived for their briefing with Venessa. After their meeting, they used their watches and traveled to Omniverse 7,777,777. Their eyes were blinded by the bright rays of the sun, before they could tell where they were at. At last, their eyes adjusted to their environment, which resulted in them being astonished at the shining city that was before them. They observed trains similar to bullet trains zipping back and forth through wind tubes and the residents there in very intricate clothing. The residents either had high collar jackets, dazzling shirts, and most importantly, Venessa could sense all of them having unusual levels of the Light inside of them. A loud voice could be heard behind them. "Are these the people who the King wishes to speak with?" The group turns around and sees two men standing a few feet behind them. One appears six foot and a few inches, he did not wear a shirt but was surrounded with gold and red armor, a long red cape, black pants, and long flowing blonde hair. The other was a little shorter around five feet and possibly 11 inches with black and purple hair, a black and purple cape, purple pants, and purple armor in the exact areas as the first man. The second one responded to his companion in a soft-spoken manner,"Yes, these are the three we were assigned to escort back to the castle." Venessa, "Hey, are you two like siblings or something? You two kind of look alike." The purple one, "That assumption is correct. I am Lucrest and this is my older obnoxious brother Leoped." Leoped, "We are two in a handful of select individuals, who serve the King by carrying out special assignments and investigations." Lucrest, "If you will please follow us, the King is eager to greet you."
The three heroes followed the two guards to the castle, during their walk Venessa teased her sibling, Tray. "It appears those two brothers have larger swords than you. I think they are far superior swordsmen if they can handle large blades like that. It fails to even compare your toothpick of a sword." "Shush! I don't want to hear it. I choose elegance and gracefulness over something flashy." The group finally reached the castle as several guards in colorful shining full body armor saluted the group as they stepped inside the large white crystal doors of the castle. Leoped and Lucrest led the trio right towards the throne room; no sooner than when the doors opened, King Alexander leaped from his throne and welcomed his guests. The King's outfit was composed of expensive black cloth with silver and blue crystals creating his unique armor with gold outlining around the edges and his crown. His hair was white as snow with a cape flowing from his waist with two metallic angelic wings attached to his back. He appeared as someone who was no older than their early 20's, much less muscular than Leoped, while possessing a staggering height of 6,7. "Greetings Empress Venessa, first adopted child of Diamond! A pleasure to finally meet you. Greetings to you Tray, second adopted child of Diamond! And a very warm welcome to Cross, the last member and headmaster of the Royal Guard!" Cross' attitude changed from being standoffish to one of utter shock. No one has addressed him as headmaster since the days of the Clone War. Tray whispered to Venessa, "Headmaster of the Royal Guard? I never knew that about Cross." "Yes, many years in Cross' realm he was headmaster of the Royal Guard, an elite group of warriors who protected his realm from malevolent threats under the orders of a man named the Keeper. This was brought to an end when.........Alastor manipulated him to massacre all of his fellow friends and the Keeper towards the end of the Clone War, mere days before order Kingdom Come was initiated."
King Alexander, "Empress Venessa please accept these gifts as a sign of good will. He signaled for four servants to step forward with bundles of technology and scrolls. The Alphaverse is more than ready to work closely alongside the Megaverse Council to defeat the fallen angels and corrupted souls of the Demonic Council! Please follow me to our war chambers." King Alexander led the heroes down several steps to a room that was protected by several guards. They were granted access and upon entering, the heroes were stunned to see holographic displays of plans and projects that were scattered as two male figures were debating with a female. The figures turned to the doors and quickly turned off the scattered plans and pulled up a file that said, "Propositions and explanation for the Megaverse Council." One unique hologram Venessa saw before it disappeared was a hologram of the Matrix of Eternity with a subject line under it labeled "Restore the Matrix to its former power?" As Venessa was deep in thought, King Alexander spoke to his guests who the other three figures were, "The lanky one with grey hair and a gas mask is our lead chemist, Lorenzo. The other one with him with the crimson operator hat, black and red hair, and basically black and red from his natural wings to his armor adored with many medals is our head of homeland security, Viciate. Last but not least is our lead scientist of technology, and weapons, whose brilliance I cannot put into words, Malissia." Malissia had medium length jet black hair that only left her left eye visible, yet it appeared she had unique facial marks that were long black lines leading up to her eyelids. She wore a long black coat that went just above her ankles with boots in the shape of heels. Nearly everything she wore was black except her shirt which was white with print that resembles computer chips. Malissia, "I prefer to go by M." Tray in a playful manner, "A little gothic in your appearance compared to everyone we've seen today!" "Simply a matter of taste and perception." Tray then noticed Malissia had white irises as the rest of her eyes were black, which created a sense of mystery behind them.
Lorenzo, "The disgraced Royal Guard is here......." King Alexander disappointingly, "Lorenzo......we talked about this." Venessa, "Hey what was that project regarding the Matrix of Eternity about? How would any of you be able to reload it?" King Alexander, "We have the source that originally fueled the Matrix. We were the ones who originally created it." Cross and Tray were shocked to hear such a revelation. Was the king bluffing or legitimately telling the truth? Malissia, "The reason you saw so many other projects scattered was due to these two knuckleheads trying to push these loose ideas my way, knowing full well we had a meeting today." Viciate, "Then Lorenzo and I should be going." Viciate and Lorenzo leave the room as King Alexander and Malissia start speaking with Venessa, Tray, and Cross. Lorenzo and Viciate journeyed far from the castle's boundaries and into the outskirts of the gorgeous city into a dark alleyway where a female was waiting for them. "Have you two finally reached a decision?" Lorenzo, "Yes, we have, Paradox." Paradox in a feminine form smiled while twirling their hair, with a snap of their fingers a contract appeared before Lorenzo and Viciate. "Both of you sign there. Viciate tried to sign with a pen, but Paradox stopped him. Nuh uh uh, in blood!" Viciate pulled a dagger and cut a piece of flesh off him and Lorenzo as they signed the contract that bonded them to Black Hat. See that wasn't so hard. Now I sense you have something to tell me?" Viciate, "The Empress, playboy, and ex-harbinger of darkness are here. They learned of the plans to restore the Matrix of Eternity." A sadistic smile appeared on Paradox's face, "Wonderful! Wonderful! Things could not be better! With your help we can kill those three now and you two will rule this Omniverse as the new kings only in service to Black Hat and the Council. Let them retrieve the remains of the Matrix, and we can either strike before or after they restore the Matrix, then steal it and place it within the treasury with the other dangerous objects that could pose a threat to our reign. Run along now and continue to play your parts like good little errand boys." Paradox gave them a wink. Lorenzo, "Freak! When it comes to your services, we work with you, not for you!" The two then leave as Paradox continues to smile in the shadows.
Back in the war chamber. Venessa, "Impressive. All that you are proposing will greatly benefit us. I can see your offers are sincere, but I must ask, why it took you this long to reveal yourselves?" King Alexander, "That is........simply because of an old law......that had been in effect for thousands of years. I wanted to honor my father and his father, but eventually my consciousness allowed me to overturn that old silly law." Loud footsteps could be running through the halls as a young teenage girl open the doors to the room with pieces of paper in her arms. She began to speak clearly out of breath, "I'm here sister. The documents you wanted." Mallisa, "A few minutes late like usual, Joan." "It's not my fault, military class went on longer than normal! Gosh, how many times do I have to tell you I hate it that mom and dad forced me to become a soldier!" "Everyone, this is my younger sister, Joan. Joan this is Empress Venessa and her two colleagues, Tray and Cross." Everyone exchanged friendly greetings except for Tray who stared at Joan. There was something about Joan that captivated him, it was either the childish way she speaks or the fact she had navy hair like he did. Instead of a handshake, he wrapped both his hands around hers and knelt down, "My fair lady, it is with great honor to meet you. I pray that you will accept my greeting as one of humbleness and may good health and prosperity follow you all the days of your life, my dearest madam." Everyone in the room stared dumbfounded at Tray's speech. Cross, "Where the crap did that come from Shakespeare?" Joan stood there blushing as she stuttered while addressing Tray, "Th....thank y...yo.....you." King Alexander, "Well this meeting is nearing its end, so why don't Tray and Joan spend some time with each other while the rest of us handle the closing logistics?" Mallisa, "WHAT THE?" "Alright it's settled then. Tray and Joan, you two are dismissed."
Joan and Tray stared at each other before she offered Tray some lunch, which he readily agreed to. Alexander turned back to Venessa, "Venessa, if you don't mind, I will like you and your party to stay here the next four days. The first two can be used to handle business regarding our technology and battle tactics as I introduce you to our greatest soldiers, warriors, and fighters. The last two days can be a sort of mini vacation." "Well..........I don't think such an offer will hurt. You have yourself a deal King Alexander!" At lunch Tray and Joan were deep in conversation. Tray, "You look much different than your sister. Your eyes are normal, you are much more cheerful, and just overall livelier." "My sister takes all the stress and responsibilities of the family upon her. That and her role in the kingdom just adds more stress to her. As for her eyes and facial markings, those came when she felt called to the Spring of Restoration." "What now?" "The Spring of Restoration grants those worthy unique properties or powers. Only a select few experience a change from the spring. It is not heavily protected because the spring prevents anyone unworthy from stepping foot in its waters." "Radical." "Mhm!" "So, I heard you fighting with your sister about you hating being trained as a soldier. Why is that?" "It freaking sucks! My parents do not want me to be an astronomer or engineer! They want me to become a Celestial Crusader. On top of that, I don't even get to choose what I want to do or what I want to eat a majority of the time! Eating lunch with you right now is a rare occurrence." "Have you brought your problems to the king?" "Yes, but I don't know if he is hearing my pleas or not. If he's not, I don't blame him, he has a lot on his mind and considering my parents are very influential in terms of politics, if the king makes a brash move, my parents will give him political turmoil." Tray abruptly received a message from Venessa stating their four day stay. He was excited and already made up his mind that he will spend these four days showing Joan the freedom she is missing out on.
The next two days, King Alexander did everything he said he would to Venessa and Cross. Among the strongest warriors and fighters were Ezekiel with his four angelic wings and star saber, Phonix with his ability to control time and fire, Ian with the ability to create things out of metal at will and his large sword in the shape of a key, Vivi with her ability of harnessing animal souls and acquiring their powers and abilities to her disposal, and with several other notable fighters. Yet, the group was slowly stalked by Lorenzo who reported all of their movements to Paradox. The next two days arrived where Venessa and Cross briefly parted ways in order to find some way to relax before returning to base. On the fourth day, Venessa contacted her adoptive mother, Selena, for a special request. She wanted Selena to travel to the Alphaverse with the Matrix of Eternity in order to restore it with wisdom capable of changing the tide of the war. As for Joan and Tray, the two traveled all across the kingdom from going to the beach, kayaking, visiting the aquarium, and art museum. Tray taught Joan how to properly duel and was deeply proud when she complimented him on his elegant sword. Unknown to them Viciate was also reporting their activities to Paradox. On one of their stops, Joan brought Tray to the Spring of Restoration just for them to sight see. Yet, she was startled when Tray stopped responding to her. His eyes were affixed at the spring as he slowly started to step towards it. Joan tried to stop him, but her petite body could not stop him.
Suddenly, he stopped on the edge of the spring and bent down scooping up the water as he started to drink it from his hands. Joan was confused at Tray's behavior, "Are you......alright?" Before Tray could turn around, he collapsed on the ground. "TRAY!" She ran to him, but when she arrived, his eyes opened wildly as his body started to glow with an unearthly light. Tray's body started to transform with his pupils becoming white similar to Mallisa but instead of the other part of his eye becoming black, it became a bright cyan color. His navy hair became white with a few streaks of cyan along with his olive skin changing to being white as quartz. His outfit even started to change around him with his clothes glowing with a clear like cyan substance with a hood gently resting on his hair. Gold embroidered his collar as a unique glowing cyan halo appearing over his head. "Joan.....please tell me I'm not dead." "I uhhhh you mmmmmmm I guess not? Here let me show you what you look like." Joan opened her camera and took a photo of him in order for Tray to see the photo. "Oh my gosh I became even more handsome." "Seriously, that's what you think about after looking like you just died on me!" "Hey, I'm sorry for zoning out on you like that. I just heard a soothing voice calling me from the Spring and I could not help but follow it." "The voice was more than soothing than mine?!" "Well yes...CRAP NO NOT LIKE THAT I SWEAR!" Joan started punching Tray as he let out a hearty laugh. From the shadows Viciate contacted Paradox on what happened and for Paradox to arrive swiftly to exterminate the couple.
The two continued on their walk after having their emotions die down. Yet, there was a sort of tension in the air between the two as one waited for the other to speak first. At last, Tray was the one to break the tension as he stopped Joan and decided to finally reveal to her the thoughts that had been plaguing his mind the past few days. "Joan, I don't know how to say this but, whenever I am around you, I just feel warm inside and what I could only describe as butterflies, erupt in my stomach." Joan blushed deeply before responding, "Oh Tray!" "Joan, if you do not want to enlist in the Celestial Crusaders, you don't have to. I'm offering you a choice. I see how much you care for your older sister and your eagerness for freedom. I encourage you to follow your heart and join me. I promise with every fiber in my being that my family and I will protect you and support you with whatever decision you make." Joan with tears in her eyes. "Oh Tray! Thank you! I want to briefly stay here so I can help my sister with any last assignments and join you on exploring the Megaverse and you taking me back to the Omniverse you call home! Thank you, thank you for being such a wonderful person to me these past four days. Truthfully, I can say I feel the same when I am around you. Your outgoing free-spirited nature is very cute and contagious." Tray extends his hand towards Joan, "Then what are we waiting for? Take my hand and I will show you all the wonderful places in my Omniverse! Obviously after you are done helping your sister of course." He gave her a big comforting smile as he waited for her to wipe the tears of gratitude off her face. However, just before she could place her hand in his, a gunshot went off as a singular bullet went through the right side of Joan's head and exited out of the left. Tray opened his eyes and was horrified at the pool of blood emerging from Joan's body as she lay lifeless on the ground. He was shaken as he heard a sickening laugh. He hastily turned his head to the direction of the laughter.
Tray's eyes widened in confusion as he saw Gadget Bandito emerge from the shadows. "What.....what are you doing here? How did you get here? Why have you done this after being a loyal member of the Initiative for many years?!" "Doesn't matter. Any last words kid?" Tray thought inwardly, "Wait......no......there is no way he is the real Gadget Bandito. The real one does not even know a lot of the Megaverse, much less keep up with any news from the Initiative." He finally spoke out loud. "My powers and senses are telling me you are Gadget Bandito. But my heart, mind, and soul tell me otherwise! WHO ARE YOU?" Paradox finally revealed himself to Tray as he morphed into his mechanical appearance. Tray finally spoke after being at a loss for words, "I know you. I know who you are. No, you are not even a person anymore. You have turned yourself into something unrecognizable. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE! YOU ARE THE CREATURE WHO MURDERED MY FATHER'S PARENTS ON THE NIGHT OF HOLY THURSDAY!" Paradox had a twisted malicious grin on his mechanical face as he spoke, "Aren't you a smart one." Tray began to channel his new powers granted to him from the Spring of Restoration. "I WILL NOT ONLY AVENGE THE DEATH OF DIAMOND'S PARENTS! BUT FOR JOAN WHO YOU SHOT IN COLD BLOOD! DIE YOU BODY MORPHING BASTARD!"
Filled with pure rage, Tray could not control his powers as Paradox merely toyed with him before using Tray's disorientation to his advantage. Paradox was able to overpower the young hero, but briefly underestimated his new power buff when Tray's halo pierced itself into Paradox's chest. This comeback was shortly lived due to the intervention of Viciate who incapacitated Tray and tied him up. Elsewhere, Venessa felt a disturbance in her gut and thus gathered Cross and met with King Alexander to ask where Tray and Joan were at. The King did not know of their location much to the dismay of Venessa, but suddenly in the throne room a thick green mist entered the room which knocked the guards and the heroes unconscious. Lorenzo did his best to pick up the bodies of the heroes and tie them up, "Now we just wait for the Queen of Asteria to arrive and snatch the Matrix from her by ransoming these hostages."
Meanwhile Selena took care of Diamond and would not allow him out of her sight. If he had to leave her house, she would go with him wherever he went, due to the public opinion on him fiercely divided. There were some who believed the attacks were caused by him while others knew that he would never do such a thing and it had to be an imposter. She would fiercely criticize any bystander who booed or tried to assault Diamond. Diamond on the other hand did not like how Selena was being overprotective of him, and her reasoning was that his mental state was not in a good place. Truthfully, it felt like he was on house arrest. One day the two of them took a nap on Selena's couch, when Selena was notified to embark on the mission to Omniverse 7,777,777. She did not have Diamond know what mission it was, but said it was important. "Don't do anything stupid or silly while I'm gone. And do not go on any adventures either! If I find out you left the town, you won't hear the end of it!" "Alright sheesh I got it."
Selena traveled to Sanctuary and entered one of the passwords a few of the elite members possessed in order to gain access to the broken remains of the Matrix of Eternity. She grabbed the pieces and created a portal to the Alphaverse. Once Selena teleported off to her mission, Diamond took advantage of this opportunity and decided to venture into town. He grabbed his Bluetooth earbuds and walked outside to his favorite coffee shop. While walking, he played Have You Ever Seen The Rain, by Creedence Clearwater Revival, one of his father's favorite bands. He could not resist but sing along with the lyrics, "When it's over so they say it'll rain a sunny day, I know, shining down like water. I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain? I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain? Coming down on a sunny day." During his stroll a handful of protestors spotted him and began to yell, "Murderer! Thief! Crook! Liar!" One such protestor threw a pot of hot water at him, which nearly resulted in Diamond retaliated, but he bore these wrongs patiently and continued on his way. He turned a corner into an alleyway and started to dance and jump in the puddles. On the other side were a set of stairs where he slowly danced his way down each step to the closing parts of the song still singing with raw emotion. "Yeaaaaahhhhhhhh I wanna know have you seen the rain? I wanna know have you ever seen the rain? Coming down on a sunny day."
He turned off his music when he entered the doors of the small shop and waited patiently in line. After he finished placing his order and pulled out his wallet to pay, the cashier whispered to him, "It's on the house. You are still a hero to us who work here." "Are you sure ma'am?" "Yes. It'll be out shortly." He took a seat near a window and started reading the local newspaper in silence. Just then a little boy who was with his parents came to his side and started to speak with him. "Excuse me sir, but are you, Diamond?" Diamond chuckled to himself, "Well there is no use in hiding my identity. Yes, I am." "Can you tell me what it was like during the year I was born?" "Uh, odd request but yeah I can tell you, first I have to ask how old are you?" "I just turned four!" "Well happy birthday! Let's see four years ago was 2016.....wait no it was 2020. Gosh was 2020 four years ago? Man, all these adventures all start flowing together kid. So, around this time an old enemy of mine named......" Diamond abruptly stopped speaking as he felt a disturbance. "Named who, sir?" Diamond stood up and slowly walked to the doors as a giant explosion went off in the center of town. Everyone started screaming, running in all directions from the blast, as Diamond signaled his AI using his nanotech vision glasses. "HONEY what are we looking at? HONEY? Crap I never turned you back on." Diamond hastily had his nanotech grow on his left arm as he turned on the setting to activate HONEY. "I'm back! Are you ok boss, did you do anything brash when I was gone?" "We can catch up later HONEY, right now I need you to prevent traffic from entering this street and alert the local authorities." "Yes sir!"
While all of this was happening on Earth, Selena's portal finally brought her to the Alphaverse. She begins to mutter to herself, "Alright Venessa I'm here. Hopefully we can get this done quickly, because I don't trust Diamond being by himself." Selena was cautious of her surroundings, due to being greeted with an eerie vacant throne room. She suddenly heard a quiet "help me," this prompted her to locate the source of the voice which resulted in her finding Lorenzo lying next to a pillar. "Please help me." "Who did this to you, where are they now, and have you seen a young girl with pink and blue hair go by?" Selena used her powers to silently read the injured person's mind, but before her powers could alert her of it being a trap, she heard another voice which caused her pupils to shrink with fear. "Hello my precious doll." Selena turned to face the new voice and to her horror, she saw Paradox standing behind her, appearing the same way he looked the day before he died. The trauma from the mistreatment and terror she received from him overridden her senses and caused her to stand completely motionless. Behind her Lorenzo leaped and took off his mask expelling a strong toxin into her lungs causing her to faint and drop the pieces of the Matrix. Lorenzo, "Why did you change the plan to capture her instead of bargaining with her?" Paradox, "Because I want the last thing, they see is me holding the reloaded Matrix and handing it over to my masters." Paradox then switched back to his mechanical body and wrapped Selena in thick pairs of chains. He then took her body along with the rest of the heroes to the depths of the castle.
Simultaneously on Earth, Diamond slowly made his way to the source of the blast as he yelled at the pedestrians to head southbound. When he reached the center of the blast three figures emerged. A hulking lizard creature, a humanoid squid, and a tall figure wrapped in black cloth with piercing red goggles. "HEY! THIS TOWN IS CLOSED TO THUGS LIKE YOU TODAY!" The man in black cloth responded back, "We were wishing for a fight with Selena, but facing you is even better!" "I suggest you stand down before I rip a tentacle from your friend Squidward!" "Grok shut his mouth." The hulking creature lifted his axe from his back and started charging at Diamond. Diamond tapped his chest as his nanotech started to form around him as he created several large blasters from his back and fired at Grok. The blasts sent Grok flying backwards to his two other companions, but the man in black simply waved his hand to the right which sent Grok crashing into a local store. Diamond flew towards the humanoid squid and started punching him with unrelenting force that caused the squid to vomit quantities of ink. The man in black teleported behind Diamond and used his mystic powers to gain the upper hand by distorting the reality around them. The squid shaped his head into a spear and tried to pierce Diamond with his poison, but Diamond dodged it and sent him hurdling towards the man in black, breaking the reality illusion. He then had his suit create a sticky net which he shot to capture both the man in black and squid. Grok finally managed to get back up, but upon seeing his comrades captured, he clicked a button on his belt that resulted in him exploding creating a blast deadlier than the first. Diamond noticed there were a few people that were in the blast radius of this second explosion and flew towards them using his strength to hold the falling debris from the tall business building. The debris piled the streets with dust and papers, until the sound of sirens broke the silence. Law enforcement arrested the two other villains while Diamond was barely holding large portions of fallen walls, glass, and stone from crushing him and the civilians under him. The leading officer noticed Diamond struggling in the debris, but decided not to help him, he thought to himself, "Let's see if he can truly save others and be the hero the weak minded believe him to be." The crushing weight began to take a toll on Diamond as he slowly began to lose his footing until he was on his knees holding the debris up.
"I promise.....I will get all of you out alive!" Negative thoughts began to enter his mind as various voices began to call out. "You are not good enough. You couldn't save your own parents; how can you save these unfortunate souls? You are playing a fool's game. See how the law enforcement refuses to acknowledge your existence. Face it your story is over. Finished. You are nothing but a weak boy who thought he could have been a great hero." Diamond tried to block out these voices, but they began to take a toll on him, nearly causing him to give up, but then a quiet voice entered his mind. A voice smooth like honey but strong as thunder echoed in his mind. "You are something more. Look inside yourself, you are something far more than when you started all those years ago as a small-town hero. Do not listen to their empty words, listen to me. Do you renounce sin?" "I do." "Do you renounce the Devil, the sin whisperer, and all his empty promises?" "I do!" "Do you believe in the Faith of your fathers, the Resurrection, and life everlasting?" "I do!" "Arise my child." At that very moment Diamond felt the power of the Light course through him at greater quantities than before as his body began to glow with gold and white light. With a newfound access to the Light, Diamond felt it was only natural to change the wording when harnessing its power, "Through the power of Heaven's Light.......All things are possible!" Diamond effortlessly lifted the debris away from him as the civilians under his care ran to the rest of the crowd. The onlookers stared at Diamond's glowing gold and white body. They were baffled in amazement as a few murmured amongst themselves, "Truly this is the act of a selfless hero."
Diamond did not hear the crowd's cheers, whistles, and praises as he stood deep in contemplation. Deep within his soul, he was able to sense his family was in grave danger. With his connection to the Light restored, he made it his new mission to travel to the Omniverse where he sensed the disturbance. He quietly spoke to himself, "Oh yeah I'm ready to whip the person who is so bent on ruining my life! But first, I have to do it in style. He allowed his suit to create two large speakers; HONEY make sure the volume is on max. Time for us to go back into the Megaverse!"
To Be Continued In The Alphaverse Part 2

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Factory New), B/O: $7194.77

★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2025.74

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★ M9 Bayonet Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $557.87

★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $529.41

★ M9 Bayonet Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $465.39

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★ Talon Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $1295.27

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Minimal Wear), B/O: $746.28

★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested), B/O: $688.15

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★ Flip Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $547.93

★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $476.69

★ Flip Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $278.18

★ Flip Knife Black Laminate (Well-Worn), B/O: $258.83

★ Flip Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $181.64

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★ Stiletto Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $686.04

★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $665.41

★ Stiletto Knife, B/O: $601.39

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $418.25

★ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $227.80

★ Stiletto Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.96

★ Stiletto Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $192.79

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★ Nomad Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $518.11

★ Nomad Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $169.78

★ Nomad Knife Forest DDPAT (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $166.88

★ StatTrak™ Nomad Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $335.79

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★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $442.05

★ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Minimal Wear), B/O: $426.24

★ Skeleton Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $314.03

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2361.28

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $376.53

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★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $557.12

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $471.42

★ Ursus Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $212.37

★ Ursus Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $187.66

★ Ursus Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $178.18

★ Ursus Knife Ultraviolet (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $155.13

★ Ursus Knife Boreal Forest (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.26

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★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Minimal Wear), B/O: $204.83

★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested), B/O: $184.50

★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Lore (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $224.11

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★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $2142.02

★ Bowie Knife, B/O: $230.44

★ Bowie Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $209.20

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.51

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03

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★ Falchion Knife Night (Field-Tested), B/O: $132.54

★ Falchion Knife Urban Masked (Well-Worn), B/O: $112.81

★ Falchion Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $108.81

★ Falchion Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.82

★ Falchion Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.46

★ StatTrak™ Falchion Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $143.08

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★ Paracord Knife Crimson Web (Minimal Wear), B/O: $486.48

★ Paracord Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $163.12

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★ Survival Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $138.26

★ Survival Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03

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★ Gut Knife Sapphire (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1127.79

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $286.17

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $246.55

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $240.77

★ Gut Knife, B/O: $210.49

★ Gut Knife Lore (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.22

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $151.51

★ Gut Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.94

★ Gut Knife Rust Coat (Well-Worn), B/O: $118.99

★ Gut Knife Boreal Forest (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.80

★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $237.96

⎯

★ Shadow Daggers Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $264.92

★ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $253.03

★ Shadow Daggers Tiger Tooth (Factory New), B/O: $237.22

★ Shadow Daggers Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.40

★ Shadow Daggers Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $144.42

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $105.20

★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $150.46

⎯

★ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $365.99

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $228.93

★ Navaja Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $227.43

★ Navaja Knife Slaughter (Factory New), B/O: $209.06

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $203.16

★ Navaja Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $132.57

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $121.69

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.95

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $100.41

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $369.01

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $109.95

GLOVES

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2394.67

★ Sport Gloves Omega (Well-Worn), B/O: $572.33

★ Sport Gloves Bronze Morph (Minimal Wear), B/O: $338.88

★ Sport Gloves Big Game (Field-Tested), B/O: $323.66

⎯

★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1652.07

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested), B/O: $599.14

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Well-Worn), B/O: $231.57

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot (Minimal Wear), B/O: $126.21

⎯

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $996.99

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Field-Tested), B/O: $383.31

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Well-Worn), B/O: $276.00

★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Field-Tested), B/O: $180.28

⎯

★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $502.29

★ Hand Wraps Giraffe (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.73

★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $178.32

⎯

★ Driver Gloves Queen Jaguar (Minimal Wear), B/O: $181.01

★ Driver Gloves Rezan the Red (Field-Tested), B/O: $101.66

⎯

★ Broken Fang Gloves Jade (Field-Tested), B/O: $127.88

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.55

⎯

★ Bloodhound Gloves Guerrilla (Minimal Wear), B/O: $127.94

★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened (Field-Tested), B/O: $102.55

WEAPONS

AK-47 X-Ray (Well-Worn), B/O: $478.95

AUG Hot Rod (Factory New), B/O: $425.83

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Hyper Beast (Factory New), B/O: $413.95

M4A4 Daybreak (Factory New), B/O: $309.51

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge (Factory New), B/O: $305.43

AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $196.38

StatTrak™ M4A4 Temukau (Minimal Wear), B/O: $174.64

P90 Run and Hide (Field-Tested), B/O: $167.03

AWP Asiimov (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.33

Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike (Minimal Wear), B/O: $140.00

M4A1-S Printstream (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.70

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Golden Coil (Field-Tested), B/O: $117.48

AWP Asiimov (Well-Worn), B/O: $115.97

StatTrak™ Desert Eagle Printstream (Minimal Wear), B/O: $112.96

StatTrak™ AK-47 Asiimov (Minimal Wear), B/O: $110.85

Souvenir M4A1-S Master Piece (Well-Worn), B/O: $102.42

AK-47 Bloodsport (Minimal Wear), B/O: $100.53

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P90 (ScaraB Rush, Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - 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Hi, not sure if this has been documented before but here I am, giving my 2 cents worth to everyone who needs this. I know it’s been really tough on everyone who has to go through this. It’s a really long post, so if you are short on time, just go straight to the heading in bold to find out what you’re looking for.
I don't know where everyone is from, but I am from Singapore and apparently, I can’t find any related posts by Singaporeans in any subreddits. If any fellow countryman needs this, there you go. For fellow netizens with Hip Dysplasia, there might be differences in the processes, but I suppose the recovery process is just about the same. Hope this helps, nonetheless!
Pre-diagnosis I have been a leisure runner in my late teens, and pretty much run about 5 to 10km regularly til mid-20s. It started with knee pain in a particular race, and the pain continued for a couple of years more. I had wanted to train for a half marathon, but I also wanted to ensure that I started my training right and pain-free. So I went to straight to a Sports Specialist Doctor in a Public Hospital and she diagnosed me with a Runner’s Knee (or formally known as Patellofemoral Pain Syndrome, PFPS) after looking through my x-ray, and my description of pain. She referred me to the Podiatrist and the Physiotherapist for gait correction and muscle strengthening. It was going on fine for a while, but I still couldn’t run pain-free. Then Covid came, and the appointments have to be suspended. But I was still doing my physio exercises and running about 2.5 to 5km when we were allowed to.
Diagnosis As more restrictions eased, I began training for speed, and that was when the pain started coming from the hip, and walking became strangely painful with a pinching sensation at the hip/groin area at this point. I sought help from a private physiotherapist to find out what happened. After a few sessions, he realized something was not right and suggested me to get a hip x-ray done. And so I did, at a Polyclinic, and the x-ray showed shallow acetabulum and I got referred (again) to a Sports Specialist to get a MRI done. And LHP with a labrum tear was the diagnosis. And to no surprise… I got referred to another Specialist again, who was affirmative that I need a LPAO and at the same time broke it to me that I have a RHP which will need a PAO too. If you need to know the timeline - I had the x-ray done at the end of 2022, MRI done on mid-2023, LPAO done at the start of 2024.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Work) Check with your doctor on the estimated rest period (mine’s 3months) and inform your boss about it. The surgery will most likely be about 5 hours max, hospital stay 5 days, and you will be on 2 crutches for 6-8 weeks, and another 1-2 weeks on 1 crutch to stabilize your walking. You might be able to resume work obligations if it’s a sedentary job or another 6 more weeks of home rest if your work requires much walking or manual labour. So it’s really important to work out with your boss and colleagues for a proper handover so that you can concentrate solely on recovery.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Hospital) There will be a blood test / some swab done 3 – 4 weeks prior to the surgery; the nurse will let you know. You will be under General Anesthesia (GA) during the surgery, so fasting is required a day before is required.
Do pack light for your hospital stay. Use a backpack for convenience. Clothes to wear after discharge + source of entertainment and communication is enough. You wouldn’t want to carry a lot of things home after discharge when you’re on 2 crutches.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Insurance + Hospital Wards) Do inform your Insurance Agent / Company about it so that they are aware. It may or may not be covered, so please get in touch with them as soon as you have the details.
[Singapore’s context] There will be a pre-admission appointment with the hospital staff about 3 weeks before the scheduled surgery, which the staff with share with you the cost of the different class wards. Basically, Class C (8-bedded) and Class B2 (6-bedded) wards are fully subsidized by the government. I can’t remember how much a Class B1 (4-bedded) ward costs, but probably about 10-15K SGD. Class A (1-bedded) is about 21-23K SGD. The staff with help you out with the Letter of Guarantee (LOG) from your Insurance Company and will let you know in about 2 weeks if the application for LOG is successful, if not you would have to prepare for the bills depending on your chosen ward (either Class A or Class B1). There is no need for LOG for Class C and Class B2 wards, since it’s fully government-subsidized. Medisave and MediShield/IPs will be used for all Class Wards (Note: IPs is only applicable to 30 years old and above). My insurance allows me to be in the Class A ward and the application for LOG was also successful, thankfully.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Personal) Since you will be on crutches, do arrange your house to accommodate that. A folding bedside table, a caddy trolley, a long-arm grabber, pillows are items that you can prepare beforehand. Do also ensure that your toilet is slip-free as well or restructure it in a way that is beneficial for you. I had to bathe sitting on the toilet bowl for the 1^st week as it is difficult to make it slip-free. It got better 2^nd week onwards when I was allowed a 30% weight-bearing on my operated side, so I could be in the showering area. You will be at home and ‘confine’ to the bed/chair most of the time, so it’d be good to have some form of entertainment at home. Nanoblocks, Colouring books, Wordsearch, Sudoku, Crosswords, Netflix, Disney+, Hbo, Reading, Crocheting, Journalling, Zoom with friends are some of the things that you can do / prepare before surgery. You may or may not have energy for them, but that’s ok, the main idea is to focus on resting and having a sound mind so that you won’t be discouraged / feel bored / unmotivated. For meal wise, it’d be good if your family can cook / buy food, if not do ensure that your budget allows you to get food delivery for 6-8 weeks. I got my meals from Grabfood. Do ensure that you have a good chair – not those that put your knees above your hips.
Day of surgery If you can, do arrive 5-10mins earlier to settle in after registration.
[Singapore’s context] Do note that the staff who registers you in will ask you for the person to contact after the surgery. It’d be a text message to inform the person on the end of your surgery and which ward you will be in. You will need to sign the LOG letter (if any) and proceed to take your height and weight at the self-administered machine. Wait and follow any instructions by the nurse. You will be asked to change into the hospital gown and the nurses will ask you more questions, just answer them accordingly. They will also help to keep your belongings in their storage and will deliver to your ward at their timeslot after your surgery.
Process of surgery The Anesthesiology team will introduce themselves to you and go through the pain management methods. They asked what method (they mentioned 3, but I only remembered what I had) I preferred, and I told them to go ahead with what they think was good for me. Epidural, it was. And so, I got pricked with needles and whatnots and they finally brought me into the operating room. I didn’t realize the room was so big and cold and there were many doctors and nurses around. They did their thing, and I was just trying not to feel awkward with so many people looking at my bareback and being in a very vulnerable state. It’s a little pricky and painful at some point. Do let them know if you’re too cold, they have this hot air thing that can warm you up. They will also insert a urine catheter for you to help with the bladder movements. I was quickly under General Anesthesia (GA) with a breathing mouthpiece (the Anesthesiologists will direct you on what to do). I woke up after the surgery with a very dry throat and asked if I could have some water. They gave me a tiny vial of water, just about enough to soothe my throat. I guess it was also caused I was under GA and couldn’t be given much for my stomach too. I was quite aware of what was going on though I was still a little sleepy. I had to be brought to the High Dependency Ward (HDW) due to low blood pressure.
After surgery (in HDW) I kept wanting to drink water but that also caused me to vomit out water and had no appetite for dinner. Nausea and vomiting are just some side effects of GA. (I remembered being disappointed that I couldn’t have the watermelon, I had wanted to eat that, but I knew I couldn’t stomach it) And little did I realize that was the last time I saw a watermelon during meal times (damn the side effects). I was also quite weak on my operated left side, I was not in that much of a pain, just some discomfort. I was given a self-administered morphine device too, there is this button that I can press to administer morphine into my system at regular interval, the device has some safety feature which helps to stop people from abusing it) Used it once after I had to be flipped over to be wiped clean by the nurse (at this time, I had given up on trying to maintain my dignity, though the nurses were quite humane about it, if you know what I mean) But I was also trying not to use the morphine at all cos it gave me more side effects like drowsiness and an even lower blood pressure). Thankfully I had a good Pain Team (that’s what they call themselves), which helped to lower the dosage after they realized I was not using it that much and I was still very drowsy (I fell asleep halfway unknowingly after talking to people), and eventually I was off it. I was taken for an x-ray after the nurse ascertained that my blood pressure was normal (since I had the catheter, I just sipped water without a care in the world, to help raise my blood pressure). And I administered the morphine once after they flipped me over for the x-ray (it was bloody hell painful and it took a lot of strength). Probably in a day or 2, the doctors decided to remove my epidural needle and I was finally free of it. The next thing to get rid of was the catheter. I had a love-hate relationship with it. I need to be able to pass motion to get rid of it, which I did after an arduous process. Constipation is a side effect of not moving around. Your stool will most definitely be a Type 1 under the Bristol Stool Chart but it will be back to normal in a few days or so. I did a little cheer when I finally pooped.
My physiotherapist came and pushed me to move around. The first step coming down from the bed was the hardest due to gravitational pull. My muscles needed to be woken up after lying down for 48 hours or more. I got transferred to General Ward (GW) soon after.
After surgery (GW) I had some bed exercises to help to wake up the muscles and I was using the walker to move around. It was tough doing the bed exercises, but they have to be done. I was also able to bath independently by sitting down on the bathing chair in the bathing area of the toilet. I still needed assistance to wear my pyjamas pants. So unfortunately, the nurse still had to be around when I bathed for safety purposes since I was a fall-risk patient.
At this time, I was trying to get out of bed and be in the chair and also use the walker more to help with moving around and getting the muscles up and running. I had 2 more physio sessions with the crutches. Using the walker frequently helped with the use of crutches. (You will know what I meant when you have tried both out. You can push yourself but please do not force it if you are not strong enough yet.) My doctors have cleared me for discharge, I just need my physiotherapist to clear me too (they have to be sure that I can use the crutches properly and safely and also complete simple daily adaptive skills). Finally, I got cleared for discharge. I got the medication, and it was a cashless and fuss-free stay/process for me. I stayed in the hospital for 7 days (3.5 days in HDW, 3.5 days in GW). Remember to get your crutches before leaving the hospital.
Home rest 1st Week I must say, it’s really liberating to be at home, though it’s really a chore to move around. I did my physio exercises about 3x a day and just be a sloth. I was still very tired, but it was difficult to sleep. I’m usually a side sleeper, but I had to sleep on my back for 6 weeks, at least. My doctors said that I could sleep on my unoperated side, but it can be achy.
Home rest 2nd Week Things are looking up a little more since I could place a 30% weight on my left. I could enter the showering area now, just be careful not to overload the operated side. 2 crutches are still a must to prevent any overloading of weight to help with the recovery. Protein and calcium-rich food are your best friend. Again, do your physio exercises regularly. I still do mine 3x a day.
Home rest 7th Week Finally, I got to put full weight on my operated side. Happily, I tried to ditch BOTH my crutches, please do not be like me! Ease into walking slowly. Use 1 crutch to help you with the gravity pull as you put 100% weight on both legs. It is also possible to ditch the crutch and try walking on very short distances, do take care of your walking form. If you limp badly, please use 1 crutch and practice walking. I did try stairs and use the railings if necessary. I managed to ditch the crutches by Week 8. Physio continues, if you have access to the gym, please go ahead, slowly. I am sleeping both on my back and on my unoperated side now.
Home rest 13th Week Not sure if things are still looking good, but my knees kinda hurt, and that’d be another story for another day. I am cleared to resume work, though I still got to be careful with the walking and all.
Week 14 – Week 18 (current) I think since I am walking a lot more, I am limping a little, but not enough for a need to bring back the crutch. It got more achy when I’m sleeping on my unoperated side and still a little discomfort if I try to sleep on my operated side. My operated side is still weak and achy when I walk or sit or lie down. I am still doing my physio, though not 3x a day now.
I am not too sure how I will progress but that’s my journey thus far. Happy to share here and to answer any questions you may have.
Edit: Formatting

I hope someone can give me some advice or direction. I am genuinely worried about my future. This is going to be a long post and I debated whether I should even do this or not, but I don't have anyone I can talk to. If you are reading this, then I am grateful for your time. Please note this is an arranged marriage situation so kindly don't troll. I am already in the situation, and I have to deal with it.
I (31F) have been married to my husband (36M) for one year now. We have had numerous fights over this time and they nearly always escalate to bad levels. A few times my husband even threatened to throw me out of the house because of these fights. I know I also have faults in this but he always acts like as if I am the only unreasonable one, that I am the only one being difficult, that I am the only one who is starting all the fights.
First I should explain my situation before marriage. I started pursuing a master's degree during the covid lockdown against my wishes, only because my parents forced me to do so. Previously I held a junior level job which was not very high-paying but it was my passion. I was always weak in academics but I found myself happy and even thriving in a job. I had to leave because of family issues, but I thought I would rejoin or seek a new job soon. But then the covid lockdown happened and my parents used this opportunity to give me an ultimatum to either get married or pursue masters. I decided to pursue masters. But despite this, my parents went back on their word and started pestering me to get married. They were scared I would be 30 and unmarried, hence undesirable to any man after that age. I met many guys and I always managed to turn them down respectfully. However the stress of this process and my explosive family situation got to me, and I failed to complete my masters. No one else knows this. I made it all the way to the last semester and I failed there. If I had to retake the exams I had to pay a hefty fee first. I didn't have the money and I could not confide in my parents. During the last semester I had been matched with my current husband and we got engaged (I was also tired of the endless matchmaking and people I had to talk to and he was the most decent one of them all). Then right after my "graduation" we got married. I have so much shame from failing that I have not still told my husband about it. Another big thing is that my sibling had a mental health scare a few years ago and is still recovering from it. I haven't told my husband because a) my sibling requested me not to since they feel ashamed and doesn't want to be judged, and b) my husband, I quickly realized, is more abrupt and also more dismissive of other's struggles - he would say that "everyone has issues and everyone one is suffering, get over it"
My husband is a nice man. He has a good job, and a loving family. They love me too. My family adores my husband. He is always good to me except I find that some of our values don't align.
Before marriage I spoke to him about the many things I was passionate about, and I always asked him if he was okay with it. He told me he was. It turns out he actually is not okay with many things
I have other issues with him too - for example, he doesn't use a c*nd*m with me even after I asked him to.
He expects that he can order me around (and sometimes I think he is not even aware). He is also always in my face; and I don't mean physically. For example - on the first day after the marriage he ordered me to get him a cup of coffee in front of all of his family and mine. I was also tired. I went through more things than he did during the wedding day. I had a look of irritation on my face but I still made it for him. He saw my face and in front of everyone he loudly asked me "what's wrong? did I do a mistake? did I do something wrong to you?" I got embarrassed and said "no, it's nothing" but he kept asking me a few more times, getting more people's attention. Later my parents pulled me aside and yelled at me for inconveniencing my husband.
Husband's biggest issue with me is that I did not immediately share about my sibling's condition until much later. He asked me a few times about it in the beginning and I asked him to give me some time until I could explain properly. I didn't want to explain badly and have him judge my sibling. And even though I did eventually tell him, he still brings up that he resented me for not telling him immediately when he asked. I don't think he had a right to demand this information or even to hold that grudge against me after so long.
When I have an opinion different from his, he implies that I'm stupid and that I don't know anything how the world works. Of course, I also don't back down and it turns into fights.
He says I have a huge ego and he is determined to bring me down. During a few of our fights he likes to remind me that I am no one special. I am a nobody, and I have agreed with him. But it still hurts.
I am fully financially dependent on him. I haven't been able to get a job yet, but I manage the whole household - cooking, cleaning, grocery run, routinely stocking household supplies, etc, while he manages all the bills. He told me that we are in a tight position financially and I need to get a job. I am currently looking for a job without much success.
I know I'm not the best or easiest person to be with. When I'm upset my voice goes up just as my emotions go up but at that point he stops listening to me. He will just say that I'm yelling and even after I reduce my volume and try to speak to him he won't listen. Even after I explain why I'm upset he will ask me again why am I upset which kills me because he isn't listening to me. Even if I don't yell at all and I tell him why I'm upset he still doesn't accept or understand because my reasoning is stupid for him.
A few times during our fights he reacts aggressively and gets up from where he is sitting and towers over me. I am much smaller than him physically. He grabs my arm and tells me to get out of the house. He tells me to leave. At this point I have to cower and cry because I have nowhere to go. But he is getting less forgiving each time.
The most recent fight started out as a small incident. We have a house guest staying with us and I was making dinner for us. It was getting late and I had just finished up the curries and I asked husband and guest to come sit and start eating while I make the rotis so I can give it to them hot, and so that I don't make them wait. House guest asks for ghee at one point. I give it. My husband says "Take the ghee and put it on the roti and make for the guest" I got irritated because I was so focused on my task and he was instructing me to do things. But I kept quiet and I did as he told. But again he saw my irritation. And he loudly started asking me "what's wrong? is something wrong?" and embarrassing me. I said "no, it's nothing" but he kept asking me. I finally had to whisper to him to "stop it". Dinner proceeded without any more problems. Later when we went to bed he asked me again what was wrong? This time I tried to explain that I was tired and got a little irritated at that moment but the biggest issue for me was him asking me again and again what was wrong. I tried to tell him that I don't want to be instructed on how I make food but moreover, I don't want to be "interrogated" in front of other people. He said he will do as he pleases if I am going to show my irritation in front of other people (I did not, the guests back was facing me so they can't even see me). I told him explicitly that he /will not/ interrogate me. He lost his temper and said he'll do "whatever the f**k" he wants. I also lost it and asked him back "who the f**k" he thinks he is to just do as he pleases.
It escalated more and I brought up point where he did the same interrogation on the first day after marriage and he said that I got scolded by my parents for telling him to shut up (Which I didn't, he is lying or I am a fool who can't remember this) not because he made it look like I was being unreasonable and difficult. It kept escalating and I had to raise my voice because he was talking over me and he lost it even more. He grabbed my arm and pushed me to the door saying "get out of my house. Leave and get lost I don't care where you go". I said no and he pushed me again with his whole body. Finally I kept pushing back and he went back to bed. He told me he wants to hit me so I told him to go ahead. Hit me as much as you want. Then he said "I'm not stupid, I won't hit you. There's worse ways to deal with you" and I had to leave the room. He also said to me that I don't do anything worthwhile, like as if all the work I have done in the house is useless. Basically I am useless.
I am feeling so lost and confused, and also a little scared because I really have nowhere to go. I can't go to my family. I can't humiliate them. I can't let him call them and humiliate them. I have no financial power so I can't even leave the house for a few days. In a few months I have an important wedding to attend and he's supposed to book my tickets but now I'm afraid to ask him in case he denies me out of spite. I am mostly scared because this isn't the first time he has threatened to kick me out and divorce me.
I am thinking about how I should go back to him and apologize. Please help me.
TL;DR I fought with my husband and he's threatened to throw me out of the house (not the first time). I'm financially dependent on him and I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to. I need to apologize but I also have an ego and this is too much for me. Help me to apologize sincerely to him without losing my autonomy.
​

I know, I know -- this has been discussed a million times. But I could use some perspective.
...
I've been seeing my girl for about four months. I never expected exclusivity, nor did I expect expect. She's young, hot, etc., etc.
That said, we had a "don't ask, don't tell" protocol until about a week ago, when she kind of confessed that she has seen other guys. I think I'm the only SD, but assume she has other guys on the side (I didn't pry).
It was totally tolerable when it wasn't spoken, but it kind of stings when it's moved to the front burner.
...
Question to the vets: how do you all deal with that sting of knowing your girl isn't exclusive?
For the record, the allowance is set north of six figures per year. We see each other about one a week, with every date being overnight ... It's not exactly a shallow/transactional arrangement.
Thanks!

Thrifted this 100% cotton knit vest for $6, and wanting to dye it a color I’d actually wear, nd any possibly wear it on its own this hot summer, sans a collared shirt underneath. Will the pink logo stay the color it is if using standard Rit dye for natural fabrics? The real question at hand I guess is, has anyone died Polo shirts and from first hand experience able to say wether the thread used was cotton as well, or polyester thread that stayed unaffected by the dye?

IHave
AFRO :

• Notre Dame - Citizen 99
• Headson - Bensy
• Guapo & Peaty - 6pm In Casablanca
• Enoo Napa feat. Priscilla - Shadows
• Anton Khabbaz & Dylan Lee - DiDi
• Prada (David Mackay & Marcus Santoro Remix)
• Caiiro - Son Of Mar
• Anyma - Pictures Of You (FromParis Remix)
• Location (DARREN & JOSEPH Remix)
• Roy Rosenfeld & Sébastien Léger - Panko Day {Played by Keinemusik}
• Sparrow & Barbossa - Miracle (Voice Mix)
• Perreo - Quentro & Tuna, Kuntay
• Merzzy - Istanbul
• Jamek Ortega - Voices
• Daughter of the Sun (Ankhoï Remix)
• Angéle - Taxi (Ankhoï Remix)
• Ankhoï - Sandiya
• Ankhoï - Clound
• Ankhoï - No sleep
• Ankhoï - Corazon
• Ankhoï - After All Night Shift
• Ankhoï - Another Hallelujah (Mont Rouge Private Edit)
• Uncle Waffles - Tanzânia (Rampa Remix)
• Toto - Africa (Rampa Edit)
• Together - Janet Jackson (Rampa Remix)
• Zouk Machine - Maldon (Rampa Edit)
• France Gall - Ella, elle l'a (Rampa Remix)
• Busta, Rampa, Black Coffeee - Mamakusa
• Rampa - Cezaralina (Best Quality)
• Drake & Rampa - Virgil Forever (Instrumental)
• Fortress - Diplo ( Rampa Remix )
• Go Low L.A.X (Rampa Edit)
• &Me, Rampa - Tong 4 (Original Mix)
• Travis Scott - Butterfly (&Me Remix)
• Feel - ABRA (&ME & Sasha Tigresa Edit)
• Ilanga - Masšh (&Me Edit)
• Lakou Mizik, Joseph Ray - Samba Yo Pan Pale (&Me Remix)
• Brandy - Almost Doesn’t Count (&ME Edit)
• Da Africa Deep - Humans (&ME edit)
• CUT It Off (&Me) (16khz)
• Dirty Chanel’s- Slaves (&Me Remix)
• Joris Voorn - Homeland feat. Matthew Dear (&Me Remix) {Jinadu Vocal Edit}
• Simian Mobile Disco - Caught In A Wave (&ME Remix)
• Adam Port, Massi, Ninae - All I Got
• Adam Port, Chris IDH & Adassiya - By Myself
• Drake - Confusion ( Keinemusik Remix )
• Drake - A Keeper ( Keinemusik Remix ) (16Khz)
• The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition ( Keinemusik Remix ) (16Khz)
• Rampa, Keinemusik - Salalina (Best Quality)
• Rampa, Keinemusik - Salalina ( Darmon Edit)
• Keinemusik - Muye (Enoo Napa Remix)
• Enoo Napa feat. Priscilla - Shadows
• Michael Jackson - Thriller (Black Coffee Remix)
• DJ Merlon - BroCode ft. Enoo Napa (Mont Rouge's interpretation)
• Vitoto & NiteFreak - XXXXXXX
• Arodes & Fahlberg - She Asked me to Dance
• Tato - Merah
• Tato - Juremas Flower
• Alegria - ARYMÉ & OSFUR ( Chris IDH Remix )
• Bruno Mars - Grenade (ChrisIDH rmx)
• Chris IDH - 7 nation
• Michael Jackson - Hollywood tonight (Chris IDH Remix)
• Victor Alc - Essamina
• Victor Alc - I Know You Know
• Victor Alc - Hangin Tree
• Victor Alc - Alma
• Victor Alc - Sudamérica
• Victor Alc - Boreal
• Victor Alc, Murilo Tronco - Forma De Querer
• Kawz, Mehen - I Feel It [Tortuga]
• Sparrow & Barbossa, PJ Sin Suela - Si Te Vas (Original Mix)
• Coolio - Gangsta Paradise (Moojo Edit)
• Carlita, Mojoo - Havana
• Outkast - Ms. Jackson (Moojo Remix)
• Coco, Joezi, Pape Diouf - 7 Seconds (Moojo Remix)
• Michael Jackson - Billy Late Jean ( Moojo Edit )
• Moojo - Lisboa
• Moojo, Demeya - Hot N fun
• Moojo - Atitude
• Moojo ft Gabsy - Ze Roberto
• Moojo - I Whant Your Soul
• Moojo - GTA
• Moojo - Meditation
• Moojo, Carlita ft. Gabsy - Macaron
• Moojo - Giant Ft. Awen
• Cairo - Here We Are (Moojo Remix)
• Moojo - Oui
• Hall & Oats - Maneater (Moojo Edit)
• Rihana - Stay (Moojo Remix)
• Moojo ft Starving yet Full - Limitless Vocal Version
• Moojo,Da Capo - What U Desaire (Vocal Mix)
• Post Malone - I Fall Apart (Moojo Remix)
• Drake - A KEEPER (Moojo Remix)
• &friends, Joseph (CH) - Jackie Brown
• &friends, Lily’s Mandre - Blending Love
• Akon - Smack That (&Friends Edit)
• Jack Ü Ft. Justin Bieber - Where Are Ü Now (&Friends Remix)
• &Friends - Oya Jo (16khz)
• Abdel Kader - Monte Rougue
• Love Me Back (Raffa Guido Remix)
• Davido - FEEL (Raffa Guido Remix)
• Raffa Guido - Preguntas
• Valeron, Payment & Klaudia Touch Me (Sam (GR) Children Touch)
• Marten Lou - Better Days
• Marten Lou, Issy - Hide U
• Camelphat & Eynka & Delilah Montagu - What A Day (Marten Lou Remix)
• Mont Rouge - Belsunce
• VXSION - Love Preparetions (Slow Down Edit)
• Classy 101 (VXSION, Maz Remix)
• Empire Of The Sun- Walking On A Dream VXSION Remix)
• Jovem Dionisio - Pontos de Exclamação (VXSION Remix)
• Milky Chance - Stolen Dance (VXSION Remix)
• Donna Summer - I Feel Love (VXSION Remix)
• Rui Da Silva - Touch Me (Peace Control Remix)
• Drake - Sticky (Peace Control Remix)
• Arya (Peace Control Remix)
• Look Around You - Ain't Nobody (Alex Wann Edit)
• ROUTE 94, Jesse Glynne - My Love (Alex Wann Remix)
• Craig David - 7 Days (Alex Wann X Sparrow & Barbossa Remix)
• FCLT - Fell It’s You (Alex Wann remix)
• Zhu - Faded (Alex Wann Remix)
• HUGEL, Alex Wann - Forever In My Mind
• Alright - Red Carpet (Kashovski & Abel Ray Remix)
• Malive, Luiza Gogoia, Morgado - Quintal
• Sérgio Mendes - Mas Que Nada (Ahmed Spins Edit)
• ANOTR, Abel Balder - Vertigo (Carlita Remix)
• Kura - Sentir Saudade (Guapo, Antdot Remix)
• Drake - Finesse (Antdot Remix)
• Folamour, Amadou & Mariam - Voyage (Antdot Remix)
• Key Notez - Your Love Ain't The Same ( Maz Remix )
• Maz - Ndaciii
• Maz, Antdot - Emorio
• Peaty - 6pm In Casablanca
• Peaty - KILOSA (Afro Melodic Mix)
• PEATY - Ouda
• MoBlack, Benja, Franc Fala - Yamore
• Black Cofee, David Guetta - Drive (Da Capo Remix)
• Empire Of The Sun- Walking On A Dream (Da Capo Remix)
• Da Capo - KRIPT Apparat Main
• Michael Jackson - Billy Jean (Da Capo Remix)
• Coco, Joezi, Pape Diouf - 7 Seconds (Da Capo Remix)
• Dennis Ferrer - Touched The Sky (Da Capo Dub Afro)
• Drake - A Keeper (Guapo remix)
• CamelPhat - Home (Samm (BE) & Ajna (BE) Remix)
• Super Flu - Lovesong
• Super Flu - Believe
• Super Flu feat. Malive - Loira
• David Mackay, Dela Sur - Carnaval Breve
• Dj Yellow, Flowers And Sea Creatures - No One Gets Left Behind (BLOND.ISH Beirut Edit)
• The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition (DSF, Chris IDH & Dino MFU Remix)
• Harry Styles - Sign of the Times (DSF Edit)
• Royksopp - Running To The Sea (DSF Edit)
• Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence (DSF Edit)
• Kid Cudi - Day 'n' Nite (Kiko Franco Remix)
• Tyla - Water (Kiko Franco Remix)
• Moo J - Collateral Damage
• Moon J, Nani - Quema
• RY X - Howling (Legare Remix)
• Marten Lou - Radiohead 40
• Notredame - Frankenstein
• Notredame - Think about
• Kimotion, Quentro & Tuna - Yame (Becane Remix)
• Lazare - I Don’t Control
• Downstream - Makèz, Life On Planets (Lazare Remix)
• Bun Xapa - Paris
• Darren - Flauta (dan Edit)
• Sounds Of RItuals, Darmon - Seva (Rolling In The Deep)
• Moderat, Keinemusik - More Love (Kalidon Mykonos Mashup)
• &ME, Time - Not Alone (Dorian Craft Edit)
• Luchii - Vertebrea (SOMMA Remix)
• Anton Khabbaz & Dylan Lee - DiDi
• Armin Van Buuren ft. Sharon den Adel - In and Out of Love (Rivo Remix)
• Black Coffee - Juju (Chaleee & Sammi Ferrer Escalation Remix)
• Ikerfoxx - I Can’t Get Enough
• Juan Luis Guirra - La Travesia (Samm Touch)
• Lemon Glow - Beach House (Marten Lou Remix)
• MARASI - Sirens
• Non Grata - Pana
• Sade - By Your Side (Samm Edit)
• Hassan - Shik Shak Shok (Kimotion Remix)
• Thondizl - Sidi Sidi (Extended Edit)
• Stromae - Papaoutai (Francis Mercier Remix)
• Vorso - Wannabe (Kimotion Remix)
• Shimza & Caiiro - Nyali
• Estelle - American Boy (Betical remix)
• Tough Love - Sailor & I (Betical Remix)
• Kanye West, Ty Dolla ign - Paid (Imad Remix)
• Salif Keita - Madan (Marco Generani Remix)
• Babyboy AV - Confession (ALX YAV Remix)
• Moeaike Ft. Ed Begley- What Is Control
• Hakim - Ah Ya Albi (Ajna & Samm Edit)
• Ajna - Move
• Fatboy Slim - Right Here, Right Now (Soubeiran Remix)
• Pablo Fierro - Kababo (Unreleased Version)
• Compay Segundo - Chan Chan (Pablo Fierro Version)
• Sérgio Mendes - Mas Que Nada (Riascode Remix)
• Chaleee & Marco Pex - Your Hands (Original Mix)
• Dennis Ferrer - Hey Hey (Mr. Moudz Afroboot Edit)

MEODIC :

• Adam Ten - Kepler
• Adam Ten - Deep Love
• Adam Ten - Carovana
• Adam Tem - 3 Days (16khz)
• Quentin Harris - Warning (Adam Ten & Mita Gami Re-Edit)
• Classix - All By My Self (Mita Gami Edit)
• Moby - In This World (Mita Gami Edit)
• Mita Gami - Danger
• Pink Floyd - Confortably Numb (Mita Gami Sunrise Edit)
• Solique - Heat Of The Moment
• Solique - Mood In The Jungle
• Ego Maria - T Mapper Native
• Ego Maria, Toto Chiavetta - Cells Under Attack
• Colle - Thoughts (Original Mix)
• Colle - Something to Believe (Original Mix)
• Santiago Garcia - You In The Sky (Original M
• Toto Chiavetta - Acqua (Original Mix)
• Jenia Tarsol & Jinga - Takadoom (Argy Edit)
• RÜFÜS DU SOL - New Sky (Colyn Sunrise Remix)
• Skepta - Bullet from a Gun (Colyn Private Edit)
• London Grammar - Hey Now (Fox Omar Remix)
• Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence (Will Clark Remix) (16khz)
• London Grammar - Hey Now (Cristoph Private Mix)
• Opus III- Fine Night (Cristoph's Private Edit)
• Nelly Furtado - Say it Right (Adana Twins Remix)
• RY X & Frank Wiedemann - Howling (Tinlicker Prague Edit)
• The XX - Fiction (Eagles & Butterflies Remix)
• Massive Attack - Teardrop (Antony Toga Remix)
• Cassius - The Sound Of Violence (Antony Toga Background DiscoVox Version)
• Sting - Desert Rose (SOEL Remix)
• Starsailor - Four to the floor (Mångata Projekt Rework)
• Sin Cos Tan - Destroyer (Adriatique Remix)
• Anna Caragnano - Parola (Erly Tepshi Edit)
• Yotam Avni - Island Hopper (Franky & Sandrino Remix)
• Rebuke - Along Came Polly (Konstantin Sibold, Zac, Carmee Remix)
• Armin Van Buuren - Yet Another Day (8Kays Remix)
• The Beatles - Because (Bedouin Edit)
• Bedouin - Pushing Down
• Eagles & Butterflies - ITALO (16khz)
• Jimi Jules - Love
• Tal Fussman - North
• Tal Fussaman - Sam Shure - Inferno
• Tal Fussaman - Childrem Of 95 (V3 Instrumental)
• OPUS III - It's A Fine Day (Aera's Finite Edit)
• Amê - Mifune (Dixon Acustic Edit)
• Jimi Jules - Palpitations
• Jimi Jules - Run (FT Remix)
• Schneider TM, Kptmichigan - The Light 3000 (Aera Private Edit)
• AIKON, Sobek - Burning Hats (Dixon Edit)
• Kavinsky - Nightcall (Dixon's Private Edit)
• Maind Against - Love Seeking
• Maind Against - Hydra
• Chis Bake - Ride (Mind Against Remix)
• Mathame - There Is The Light
• Mathame - Brothers
• Ae:ther, Mind Against - Black Museum
• Ae:ther, Marino Canal - White Atlas V2
• Artbat - Dark Knight (16khz)
• Yet More - Don't Let Go
• Dan Croll - From Nowhere (Âme Remix)
• MGMT - Eletric Feel (Ivory’s Eletric Reshape) (16khz)
• Amber Run - I Found (Ivory's Re-Found Edit)
• Billie Eilish - Everything I Wanted (Ivory Head Underwater Remix)
• Christopher Cross - Ride Like The Wind (Ivory’s On The Run Edit)
• Trikk - Untitled (16khz)
• Amnesia Scanner - CAT (Dixon & Trikk Rework) (16khz)
• Ivory (IT), Tal Fussman - Labyrinth
• Ivory - Identity
• Ivory - Lovers Hymn
• Ivory - Mirrors
• Ivory - Eye Blink
• Ivory - Jewel
• Ivory - Acid Rain
• Ivory - Conquest Of Space
• Ivory - Upon A Time
• Fideles - Lost In Town
• Hard To Tell - No Matter
• Hard To Tell - Stranger
• Aera - Pullunder
• Aera - Puzzle Emotivo
• Echonomist - Overseas
• Echonomist - Ikaros
• Echonomist - Lullaby
• Lil Yachty - I've officially lost vision (Tim Engelhardt Edit)
• Kevin di Serna - Amapola (Toto Chiavetta Remix)
• Noir Haze - Around (Nico De Andrea Remix)

Urgent advice needed - narc/HJNTIY - SEND HELP!
OK I’m high as a kite right now and am going through it a bit in the relationship department so thought I’d take the inner focus to write down what is happening so the good people of reddit can give me an honest and brutal review. This is my first ever post but I need to be told by strangers of the internet that have read the whole story what I should do and what they think is going on, because I’m not listening to those around me that love me.
This is a long arse post (over 3500 words) so please only read it if you’re dedicated to the cause. And please be dedicated for the cause as I need help. I’ve tried to include as much information and context as possible because I see so many replies to posts where they ask for more context. As I’ve deleted my conversations with him so many times, my sources are:-
· From memory
· WhatsApp conversations I had with friends at the time.
· Journal entries
I met X on Tinder in early November last year. He was handsome, Irish and, according to his Tinder profile had two teenagers, his own house and his own car. We chatted for a while on that platform and I said that I loved the Irish accent because I was mad on Westlife growing up (this is cringe knowing what I know now), and he told me he thought I was beautiful and that he wanted to meet me. I went to message him but didn’t like the fact he had no profile picture and he had disappearing messages turned on. I messaged him on Tinder querying the lack of picture etc and he said that his profile picture is set to contact only (this is a legit thing) and it was his company logo anyway, and disappearing messages turned off when he added someone to their contacts. So I waited a few days and sent him a message on WhatsApp. It stayed on single tick for 3 days. Now, having left a 16 year relationship five months earlier, I was at the point of “if I get one hint of a red flag, they’re not for me” so by day 2 of the single tick, I unmatched him from Tinder. Day 3 I get a message from him apologising because he had been on a bender in Liverpool for a friends birthday and his battery had run out. He was really apologetic, and said he’d love to take me out but I said I wanted to chat a bit more first. He was super attentive, sent me voice notes, asked me how my day went so after a week, when he asked me to meet again, we arranged something for the following Saturday. He text me all week in the lead up then on the day, he tells me he can’t come because his ex wouldn’t tell him what time she’d be there to takeover parenting of their son. I can’t even remember if I messaged back as I fixed up plans to go on another date and didn’t give it a thought. Whilst I was out on the date, he sent me pictures of him and his two year old son looking at Christmas lights. He then asked me when I was not free and hoped he hadn’t messed it up. I told him I was free the coming Friday so we arranged to meet then. He text me daily at the build up, told me he couldn’t wait to see me. On the day we were due to meet, he messaged me in the morning asking if we were still on. I met him that evening at the bar of the hotel he was staying in. I was struck instantly by how attractive he was and his accent was everything. He got me a drink and we sat down in the bar. He was chatting to me, sitting to the left of me and within about 10 minutes, asked if he could sit directly next to me in the alcove I was sitting in. I felt this was a bold move but welcomed it. I asked him about what it had been like growing up in Northern Ireland, I told him about my group of friends I’d had for 20 years, and my children etc. After talking for about an hour, he suggested going for dinner and asked what I wanted. I wasn’t very good at making decisions, so I asked that he choose. As we walked down the street to the town, he grabbed my hand to hold it and asked “is this ok?”. I obviously agreed because his confidence was charming and I’ll admit I was quite awestruck. We talked intensely and it was clear that we really fancied each other. After dinner, he moved his seat next to mine (seemingly a common trademark for him) and he talked to me a while longer before asking if he could kiss me. This took me by surprise again because it felt so romantic and I just hadn’t felt that for ages so I let him lean in and it was amazing. We moved onto a bar and just basically kissed for the next hour, in between drinking more. I ended up back in his hotel and we were kissing through the door with me saying “we’re not going to have sex” over and over. Yeah, it lasted two minutes before we were taking each others clothes off etc. We had sex multiple times that night and he showed me things I had never experienced, if you know what I mean. I woke up the next morning with him next to me. I had anxiety with the panic that I had slept with him on the first date. He could sense something was up but I couldn’t explain to him why because I didn’t want to sound weird. He kept kissing me and asking if I was ok but all I had was an overwhelming feeling of dread so I tried to assure him; unconvincingly. He dropped me home and text me a couple of hour later, saying he’d had a great time and wanted to see me again. He said I he was sorry if he hurt me in bed the night before and I assured him that he didn’t. We exchanged a couple more messages and I was feeling super positive.
I text him on the Monday asking how his day was. He replied it was chaotic. I asked when he wanted to see me next and he suggested lunch on the Sunday. I can’t remember when I messaged him next but it was either later that day or the next. My message went unread until Thursday and I freaked out about it. Was he messing me around? Did he not like me as much as he said he did. I actually cried to my friends because I felt like such an idiot for sleeping with him on the first date. He text me Thursday night apologising that he’d been distant and that his son was in hospital and he’d call me the following day. He didn’t and I’m pretty sure he didn’t call me for the next week or so. Then I sent a drunk text and asked if I should give up. He asked me not to give up yet and that we’d talk property the next day. Again, this conversation didn’t happen for two days. We met up every 1.5 weeks after that, always had amazing chat, sex and stayed up all night. During this time, I recall never feeling secure in his communication outside of when we met. It usually took him a long time to even open my messages/send a response. His phone does something weird as well where you don’t get two grey ticks until he opens the app, so I would spend quite a lot of time assuming I was blocked (even when I hadn’t done anything). I wanted to go away for my birthday and he said he would book it on New Years Eve. He’s a bit flaky at securing plans so I made him promise he would. I was at a NYE party so was buzzing to get confirmation of the booking but I had nothing. I tried to call him at midnight because you wish people a happy new year right, but there was no answer. I then asked him every day if he was going to book as we were going away on the 5th January. On about the 2nd January, he rang to say that he’d only be able to do one night because he had just received a massive £5,000 bill for his ex wifes car tax. I said I would pay half because I just wanted to spend the time with him and we agreed I would book it and he would send me half.
We went away and agreed to get there at 4pm. He turned up at 6.30 blaming work** X is notoriously late. I don’t think he’s ever been on time for any of our dates and on average turns up 2hrs late** Everything got pretty intimate straight away and we had a great first night. We even sat outside and he told me all about the stars. Told me that night he was crazy about me and I felt happy. The following night we both had a lot to drink and got into an argument after an actually lovely night. I can’t remember what happened but the next morning which happened to be my actual birthday and he wasn’t talking to me. I eventually ended up being shouted at shortly after lunchtime because apparently I thought I was always right and when I say sorry I don’t mean it. I was kind of taken aback because, even if I had done something wrong, wouldn’t you swallow that a little bit considering it was the persons birthday? Anyway, I managed to win him round by 3pm by feeding his ego and we left having, sort of, made up - you know big hugs and being nice to each other. But I still felt this horrible feeling. I cried all the way on the drive home. When I rang him like he asked to say I’d got home, I told him I felt weird. He said that it was weird and it shouldn’t be this difficult so early on in a relationship. I was gutted by that comment as I’d wasted my birthday with someone that wasn’t even talking to me. I mourned the end of it then and was sad over the next days but then he rang me completely normal apologising that he hadn’t spoken to me the day before and just needed a day to himself. I said it was fine and that I was happy he had rung. He told me he’d text me later but never did.
I then didn’t see him for two weeks and communication between that time was consistent in its inconsistency. He often said he’d ring, but didn’t. Then it would have been a few days and he called and said we need to have a grown up conversation and he’d come down. We arranged for a Thursday a week a half away. Again, he turned up late to the hotel. He got in, showered me with compliments above how great I looked and then lifted me onto the bed. I told him nothing would happen until after dinner but obviously, we got hot and heavy. We had an amazing evening and, in the morning, I asked him what the grown up chat was all about. He said he only said that to lure me there. I asked what was going on and he said he couldn’t commit to seeing me every week. This made me a bit shocked as if that’s your message, why wouldn’t you say that before having a great night with someone and building up more hope. Anyway, I suggested every other week which he said he could do. I obviously didn’t think that was enough but just concluded that in time, it would get more frequent.
Next time I saw him was beginning of February. We went away. He was 3.5hrs late because of some issue he needed to sort with his ex. He turns up asking me not to make the whole weekend about him being late. I said I can say I’m annoyed but I’d just get over it. We had a great evening again. We also had a great weekend the following night until we got back to the place and he fell asleep on the sofa. I kept playfully poking him saying “wake up, I want to have some fun with you”. He got annoyed and started shouting at me that it was the first night in ages he’s had any peace and I’ve spoilt it”. He went upstairs to bed and I followed shortly after, trying to make things good between us. He rejected my advances no less than 5 times throughout, saying I was too pushy. We were due to check out at 10am and, being conscious of this, I managed to get him to hug me. We were finally packing up our things when he said “do you think we got everything from upstairs”, so despite him repeatedly rejecting me throughout the evening, he decided he wanted to it quickly before we left. I obliged and we then went out and had a nice lunch together and had a good laugh.
He went back home to Ireland for a bit after that and I barely heard from him. I continued to text him but didn’t get a response. I spoke to him once where we arranged to meet the coming Saturday. He got home a few days before we were due to meet and said he wanted to make it all up to me and that he couldn’t wait to.
The night before we were due to meet he warned me he had been in urgent care for a suspected kidney infection. He said he was still going to come down anyway. Didn’t hear from him until 3pm the following day (he was supposed to pick me up at 2pm). He said he had been sleeping and was still coming down and would be with me at 6. He picked me up, we went to the hotel and I explained that I needed more from him and I felt so unseen when he didn’t message me. He told me things would be better in a month when he had his own flat and more structure with his son. He hugged me tight and seemed sincerely sorry for making me feel that way. I felt positive things were going to change. We again had a great night but at about 6am in the morning, we had to leave because he said he felt unwell and needed to go to the hospital. Now, that would be completely plausible if you hadn’t got a blow job 10 minutes before. Like, I get it if you’re ill, but if you’re hospital ill, you wouldn’t even want one. So anyway, we left early and I felt confused and deflated.
Basically the long and short of it (because I can’t be bothered to write much more) is that we are in this cycle and I’m really confused if I am being emotionally abused. My friends think I am and they are really concerned about it. But I’m normalising the behaviour.
He leaves early when he stays, without any notice and even when he’s said we’ll spend the following day together.
He’s met my friends and event that night when I was trying to tell him how he makes me feel invisible when we’re not together and considering he could only see me every two weeks, that was a lot of time to feel invisible. I raised that he hadn’t contacted me first since the 26 February and he denied it, scrolling through his phone trying to find evidence which, of course, he couldn’t. He started shouting at me when I voiced my feelings. I asked him not to shout at me but he continued to. He went to leave and I told him he shouldn’t because he had been drinking. He eventually apologised to me for shouting. He left the next day at 9am and text me a few hours later saying he was sorry he had to leave early.
Last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago. It had been a month since I had seen him and his contact had been the usual level of poor. He came to the house and barely got through the front door before we were all over eachother. And as usual he was great and it was one of the best nights I’ve had with him. I asked him if, because he couldn’t see me that much, did he want to just keep us casual and I could get my romance from others. He was horrified by this and said that he considered us to be together. I went to sleep happy. He woke me up at 10am saying he had to go because his ex was threatening to take his son out for the day if he wasn’t back for a certain time. I had no prior warning of this and we had planned to spend the morning together and he was going to leave after lunch. I started to question it and he said “don’t start all this shit” and still left. I cried after he left. Again confused.
I was supposed to see him last Saturday and he was going to come later so he could spend the day with his son. I tried to ring him every few hours to finalise plans and there was no answer. So I had some wine and got progressively more frustrated saying that this was definitely over and it was disrespectful etc. I called him a narcissist. The following day I still had nothing so I demanded an explanation and (rather poorly) alluded to the fact that he was probably still with his wife and I was one of many. He didn’t read my texts until Monday and said he was waiting to be discharged by the doctor and he would call me shortly. He didn’t. So I rang him a few times the following day and text him to say I was concerned. He eventually answered at 10pm and had a go at me for the messages I sent about his wife. Apparently on Saturday he’d fallen off a step ladder and had a seizure and he wasn’t allowed his phone because he wasn’t allowed to incur extra stress. He said he was angry that I automatically believed something so poor of him, rather than thinking something could have happened. He said he needed time and I asked if that meant I shouldn’t contact him. He said that wasn’t what he was saying. But basically, I left that conversation confused and vulnerable.
Since then, all week I’ve been trying to contact him and he’s not responded to my calls or messages. At the current time, my WhatsApp has been on unread since Tuesday night. I tried to ring him earlier and he sent me a message saying he’d gone away with his son for the weekend to spend some time and get some headspace. He went onto say that “I just can’t do this with all that’s going on right now in my life. I just can’t give you what you deserve and it’s not fair on either of us to have to battle this hard trying to make it work especially so early in the relationship”.
It’s worth noting that X and I have had this exchange multiple times. The first one was in January. He always says he hasn’t got the time to give me what I deserve because of what he’s got going on in his life but then we make contact again. He always says he’ll try to change but we just end up in the same spot. And I probably do come across as needy because I’m the type that can’t just do the no contact thing and I get frustrated when someone doesn’t call me back or respond. After we tell eachother why it’s not working, he’ll either keep me stewing for a few days or message like absolutely nothing has happened. The only difference this time is that he's not read any of my messages since Tuesday.
Why does he keep coming back? What the hell is going on?
I definitely think he's attracted to me. He always asks for photos, calls me gorgeous and the last time he was here he barely made it through the front door so it must be something else. And can that go after 2 weeks? If basically nothing has happened other than he got annoyed I concluded I’d been stood up and he was still with his wife.
He’s always put up with my frequent contact and outbursts before, so I can’t see it being that, unless it’s something that has finally turned into a drain.
I’d really appreciate your utterly ruthless feedback on all this. No feelings spared. You can insult me, tell me I’m terrible and it’s all my fault. I want to hear it all.
I feel like I have no idea on if I’ve got been completely done over, or if I’m overreacting and this treatment is perfectly fine.
Are there any guys who can give me an insight into this behaviour. Is he even into me at all? Is it likely I’ll hear from him again and should I run, or is that my friends being dramatic? Honestly, another guy asked me if I was OK the other day and I was totally overwhelmed by that as it’s so normal to just be treated how I am by X.
Oh I should also add that this relationship left me feeling so mentally battered that I lost two stone, got diagnosed with clinical depression and had to be put on meds. At one point I was so isolated in my bed that I called a mental health nurse asking for help and they ended up calling an ambulance as they thought I wanted to kill myself. So there must be something about this that is so wrong.
Thanks for getting to end, I appreciate it. And hopefully feedback will help someone else because I can't find a situation quite like mine.