My friend Sandra and I have known each other for over 20 years (we are 30-32). Sandra is getting married to Andres, and I am married to Ian.
Some relevant information:

• Andres and I originally come from the same country and even the same region. We share many characteristics.
• We both have very round faces, deep brown eyes, long straight black hair, etc. If you didn't know better, you might assume we are siblings.
• I met Andres six years ago and introduced him to Sandra. He proposed two years ago.
• I own a beautiful property in my home country that I was ready to lend to Sandra and Andres for their wedding.
• My property is like a finca and has 10 rooms. Usually, I would rent it out for weddings at a somewhat high price, but I was happy to give it to them at no cost, with the condition that they hire their own catering and have their guests strip their beds when they leave.

The issue:
Three months ago, Sandra became more reclusive. She wouldn't answer my texts, and we didn't meet up. Two weeks ago, she appeared at my door with Andres. They sat us down (my husband included) and said she suspected that my daughter is actually Andres' biological daughter and requested a paternity test for peace of mind.
I was so shocked that I couldn't say anything. My husband lost his temper and raised his voice, telling Sandra that she was being absolutely stupid.
Sandra pointed out that my daughter looks like Andres. I explained that Andres and I look alike. She kept shaking her head, saying my daughter would look more like my husband and not like my exact copy.
The evening ended poorly. I agreed to the test if they paid for it. The results came back last Friday, showing that Andres was not the father. We also did a test confirming that my husband is the father.
Sandra cried and tried to hug me. I told her I didn't want to and that I didn't want to be friends with her for the time being. She kept saying her worries were justified and made a comment about "women from your country being more likely to do that."
In that moment, I was filled with anger. I told her she could forget about using the venue and that I didn't want her in my life anymore. She started crying, but I made her leave.
Her mom and she have been texting me, saying they can't find a new venue. I still said no.
Twenty minutes ago, Sandra called me sobbing, saying that the wedding is off because of me.
Am I the asshole? Should I have let her use the venue at the usual price, or was what I did okay?

The smell of money... Tea, incense, and sweet foods... All of this to be found in FuMuCha. A tea shop in San Francisco Chinatown, FuMuCha was a safe place where immigrants and their descendants could coexist in peace. The Lees, a Korean immigrant family, moved in many years ago with their toddler son. Their son, Vincent Lee, was easily impressionable and very outgoing. He easily made friends because he was taught to help and be helped to survive. "Money isn't everything, but take the opportunity to live", his parents told him. His parents were smart, they befriended and learned Chinese culture to make life easier to start. Time passes, preschool, ESOL, elementary, then... Middle school.
A loud thud. Blood on the ground. The silence of fear... And trembling...
"Go back to your country!" "You're not welcome here!" "Look at this loser trying to be normal."
Vincent is on the ground, bloodied nose, bruised face, cracked ribs... "I'm... Sorry...". He regretted living. He had no purpose. Living day to day just like the other kids... Until they were taught world history. No matter what he did, the kids bullied him for being the same ethnicity of those who did terrible things or were under the foot of another. Nanking, The railroad, comfort women, the boxer's rebellion, the cultural revolution... He was blamed for all of that just for being born. Isolation, growing his hair out because he refused to go out. This torment lasted until 8th grade.
Vincent walked home from school... The last day of 7th grade, he heard something... "Hiya! Ha!". He turned to look. A man on the television, a weird hairstyle, funny clothes, but... Amazing fighting skills. Vincent immediately wanted to fight like him. He found someone... Someone who could save him from his hell. He used the last of his savings to buy all of the kung fu dvds he could. He spent all summer on his own watching, learning, training... To be like the men... No, the heroes, that saved his life. He found purpose. Being someone else was so... Different. But he needed to be. When he confronted those bullied him, they couldn't win... Vincent was like a bat out of hell. Sloppy techniques, but fast, dedicated... Eventually, with each opponent he defeated, he got a bit better each time... Less bruises, less bloody noses, but... More heart. Too much. His parents decided that America may not be safest... After all, Vincent attracted the attention of the underworld Chinese Mafia. They were going to induct him once he got into highschool because of his knack for violence... So they moved.
"Korea? Why? Why're we moving? I'm getting better, Ma! I'm strong now!" Vincent didn't understand... Not until his mom held him close and said, "that's right, you're very strong. You're my strong baby boy... But ma and pa are not like you... Make sure you protect us too, okay? Protect your family in Korea."
Vincent understood that his new hope wasn't meant for just him... Fighting? Is that all there is to power? No... There's gotta something out there that will teach him what it is to be strong... Something like four schools...

Platform: PS1
Genre: RPG / hack and slash
Estimated Year: 90s / early 2000s
Graphics/art style: 3D
Notable characters: Main character had white hair, a big sword, a claw for one of his hands, wings, and was half-angel or something like that.
Notable gameplay mechanics: double jump (that's all I remember, sorry)
Other details: it's not Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain, any of the Devil May Cry games, Legend of Dragoon or Black/Matrix

Hey everyone! I've never made a post on reddit before so bear with me friends. This is also gonna be long because I physically cannot restrain myself from overexplaining.
Ok, SO me (24F) and my guy best friend (25M) have known each other since about sophomore year of college. Let's call him Tony alright. I met him through my college roommate and best friend, we'll call her Tina (Tony is Tina's cousin's husband's best friend). He went to a different college in a city about 2 1/2 hours away, but he came and hung out with his friend a lot and he lived with them during COVID. I'm a pretty socially awkward and shy person so it takes me a while to get comfortable around someone and be myself so I didn't really engage with him at first. It should also be mentioned, I've never been in a relationship or in love befoe; I've been on dates and done a thing or two here and there with some people, but I've always been shy so I'm kind of a late bloomer in the relationship aspect. He is not and he's been in relationships before and has experience doing the horizontal tango; an activity I do not have experience in!
Fast forward, tail end of junior year or beginning of senior year of college we start actually interacting and I open up a bit more. I then develop a small "schoolgirl" kinda type crush because he was a new friend and funny and nice, and I never really had any guy friends growing up so it was new to me and you know the daddy issues of it all. Ok so BOOM spring break senior year right (March 2022), we go on a vacation to NOLA with our friend group. My crush is in full swing at this point and during said trip, my bff Tina and I share a hotel room with Tony and his best friend Ted (sharing bc we are poor). So we get a lot of quality time and get a lot closer as friends. Skip to May 2022, we graduate college and my BFF Tina moves to the bigger city in the state we live in (where he lives) in June (we went to college in a small town). So, naturally I go to the city a lot to visit her and so in turn we start hanging with him more frequently since he's closer now. At this point, I'm over my crush and he's just my really good friend (I promise). Fast forward to December 2022, I move to the city as well and my bff Tina and I move in together so we see him even more, and he's spending nights at our place (on the couch). We get a lot closer and the main thing we do in our friendship is talk. He's a level 100 yapper, and I didn't used to be at all until we became friends honestly, but he just brings out the yap in me. We talk about anything and everything; we even argue about a variety of topics, but it's not with malice or rudeness at all; we're just talking. He's just genuinely the easiest person to talk to I've ever met; strangers just talk to him all the time.
So now we're gonna jump to December of 2023 (sorry for the jumping around, I'm an ADHD warrior). I've had mental health issues off and on since high school, but they got worse around this time. Around this same time, he started getting depressed as well as a few months prior he had been fired from a job and his car got towed amongst other things. My BFF is also going through it.We are all just going through some trials and tribulations lemme tell ya. So, we've all been leaning on each other emotionally pretty heavily lately. Recently, he spends multiple days in a row at our house. So, I've been working through the prior mentioned mental health issues these past months and I'm think I'm finally coming out the other side. I've actually been the happiest I've been in a very long time, but I'm also still struggling a bit because I feel as though my personality has changed drastically since this ordeal or maybe I'm finally feeling secure enough in myself to show my true personality idk, but in a nutshell I'm feeling open and brave which are qualities I don't have experience in whatsoever. As I'm finding myself, I think I'm also becoming more in touch with my feelings which is how I realized I had feelings for him, but anyways back to the nitty gritty. So I'm feeling all these new feelings and all, and my crush on Tony comes back with a terrible new twist: 100% real uncut feelings 😔. But, I am terrible at reading social cues and understanding other people's feelings so I genuinely can't tell if he feels the same or not. But, ever since I've realized my feelings, I've been noticing things more. Me, Tina, and Tony have always been very open with each other in the sense that we talk about anything and everything. We talk about sex, relationships, our bodies, etc. But, lately, I feel like him and I talk even more about sex and relationships and he makes more jokes or funny remarks about sexual or romantic things between us. To be fair, I have too (😝), so it may just be in response, but come on, it's to the point like, we jokin anymore?? So, the other day, I was joking about how I was gonna be a virgin at 40, and he said, "Nah, we'll figure something out before then." like what you mean by that?? And another time, we were riding in the backseat together, and the whole car was talking about eating a girl's kitty cat and I had made a joke about not knowing the feeling and he said, "What?? That's so sad bro" and then under his breath said, "we'll have to do something about it" like huh???? And I also have this crop top with butterflies on it that may be a lil revealing (🙈) that he complimented when he first saw me wear it. And now, whenever I wear it, he'll say something about it like, "Ohhh, return of the shirt" or something along those lines. Also a while back, I had told him about how my late grandpa would always sneak me Ho-Hos as a kid and how I missed him a lot, and in the next few days, he brought some over when he came to hang out like brooo 😩. He didn't say that was the reason or anything, but that would be a crazy coincidence I feel. He's also always showing me something on his phone like a video he thought was funny, a movie he liked, pop culture we talk about, music he likes, etc. He'll just appear in front of me with his phone 2.3 cm from my face saying, "look 👁👄👁". Also, we've both been talking a lot lately about how lonely we are and how we miss sleeping and cuddling with another person in the bed. I feel like I've been dropping hints, but I'm also scared to tip him off so the hints I think I'm dropping could be more like office friendly chit-chat in reality!
It should also be noted that after I got over my initial crush, I didn't find him attractive. I really didn't find him attractive when I had a crush tbh. He's definitely not my usual type at all; I'm a fat bi girl who usually goes for masc women or feminine men and he's a short skinny lil fella with a permed mullet 😭. I'm definitely not his usual type either which is another reason I have doubts about his interest in me. He usually dates skinnier girls. I'm finally okay with my body, but if you're a fat person, you know how absolutely anxiety-inducing it is thinking about shooting your shot and someone rejecting you because of your body. I don't think he would do that, but there's still that fear there. He's also mentioned recently how he doesn't care about looks and body and I'm like 🤨 you hinting at something?? Cause I've talked to him before about struggling with loving my body so he knows im self-conscious about it at times. I'm also hesitant because besides Tina, he's my best friend in the world. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize that friendship. I've been trying to get over it and/or ignore it. But, God, idk what to do anymore. It's driving me insane, and I hate that I'm looking for things and reading into things. And I feel like I'm acting weird or changing my behavior which sucks cause it's hard to control cause I'm nervous. But, I really don't think it's all in my head. I don't even know if I want to pursue anything and change our relationship forever, but I feel like I'm going crazy. If anyone has any insight or advice, it would be much appreciated. Thanks a bunch!
TL;DR: I (24F) think I'm in love with my guy best friend (25). We met when I was 20, and I think he may be flirting and secretly feel the same, but I truly can't tell. We hang out almost everyday, but I don't want to be seeing things that aren't really happening. I also don't want to ruin our friendship. I would really just like some insight on the situation or advice on how to tell if he's also interested. TIA! 🫶

Frizty Rechargeable Electric Trimmer for Women 2-in-1 Face & Body Hair Trimmer for Women 2 Heads- Bikini Trimmer & Shaver, Face & Body Trimmer

I've been trying to find a book that I loved as a child. It was an illustrated children book about a family (your stereotypical family with the mother, father, daughter and son) in different areas of the house. The daughter was probably blonde, straight hair.
The book was thin, but the illustrations were big, double page, and elaborated. They weren't cartoony at all, the style was kinda realistic. Each illustration showed a different area of the house, and some text annotations made remarks of some specific details. For example, an illustration maybe showed the children preparing in the bathroom, washing their teeth or something. Another the family in the kitchen, with notes about the appliances, food, etc.
The illustration I remember more vividly (kind of) is about the garden at night. One of the kids was watching or trapping an insect, maybe a firefly, while the other was using a flashlight. I think I remember the garden was lit by moonlight, and there were some notes about flowers and maybe some nocturnal animals in the garden.
For reference, I read this in Spain in the 90s, but I'm pretty sure it was a translation. The book probably was either German, British or American, but not sure at all.
I vaguely remember another book showing the same children in different areas and activities of the school, but not sure about this at all
I think this drawing by illustrator Kathryn Hewitt (kathrynhewitt.com) looks pretty close to how the family members were drawn in this book, as I recall.
https://imgur.com/eNWxfC6
(Kathryn Hewitt is not the illustrator of this book I'm trying to find, just a visual reference!)

As a grown man, I hate blaming my parents for issues I have. Compared to so many horror stories, my childhood, parents and family were wonderful. In general, I try to believe that people do the best they can with the resources they have and rarely have true malicious intent. Unfortunately, there is one “childhood trauma” that I am stuck with and I don’t see any way to get over it.
For as long as I can remember, my boomer parents and gen x siblings would absolutely torture me about girls. Like every girl I ever came into contact with from preschool on I would get the “oh that’s your giiiirrrrlllfrieend” crap. I was a sensitive, people-pleasing kid and this really bothered me. To make matters worse, My family had the awful habit of “making fun” of, quite literally, anyone on the planet. Too rich, too poor, imperfect physical features, race, ethnicity, religion, different style clothes, different interests or hobbies, nobody was safe.
I went through adolecence and young adulthood mostly terrified to interact with women. Just now am I getting to the point where I have actual platonic female friends. School dances and prom were major sources of stress. I had whole relationships in high school and college that I kept secret from my family, including a 3 year relationship with who I now consider to be the “love of my life.” How awful must these young women have felt that I was hiding them from my family? I’ll never forgive myself.
After college, I moved back home (see people pleaser comment above). A month later my longterm girlfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I was still hiding her from my family. I certainly can’t blame her and I hope she is living the life she deserves.
A hazy, drunken, depressed and miserable 7 or 8 years then ensued that frankly I’m lucky I survived. I was a total wreck on the inside but put together enough on the outside so as to not worry anyone. Good job, remained in shape, outwardly I was just a fun, drunk, party guy in his 20’s. No relationships. Any dates were to a bar. Very rare sexual encounters were risky, drunken, one or few night stand situations.
At 29 I started dating my now wife. After a few months of secret dating I fought through and introduced her to my family. I’m grateful that my wife pulled me out of the abyss. After a few months of dating I finally got my own apartment and started to live as an actual adult. We got engaged at a year and a half and married at two years. We’ve been married for 10 years. We have a house and two wonderful children. My thirties were far better than my 20s and 40’s are looking great so far. Except…..
Lately, I have not been able to shake feelings of regret or what might have been. While we get along, our marriage is like a business agreement. It works. We’re busy, the kids are busy, we don’t or can’t take time for ourselves, we are both constantly engaged in jobs, cooking, dishes, laundry, cleaning, kids activities, etc. We both tackle everything and neither of us is ever sitting or relaxing. It never seems like we can get ahead of things. My wife is totally codependent and cannot handle anything on her own. She also may be a hoarder in the making. She was diagnosed with OCD as a child and is probably somewhere else on spectrum, terrible anxiety, too. I’ve made all adjustments to accommodate her needs. New, self-employed job so I can control the schedule, no hobbies or friends, I am always available for her needs. She refuses to get any outside help with her mental health. It’s all on me. She’s miserable, always mad at something or somebody(her family tells me this is her historic personality and she’s just like other family members), always sick, she has gained well over 100lbs and the health issues that go with that are starting to creep in. More for me to deal with! Sex life is dead. Totally vanilla when it does happen-missionary with shirts and socks on. Multiple times over the past 5 years we have gone 8-12 months without intimacy. Any attempts to discuss these issues as adults are met with rage and blaming everyone else. Her position is basically that I married her and just have to live with whatever. She also knows I’ll never leave the kids(I’m not saying that’s the right call for everyone but it’s the right call for me).
Here’s the thing- I can handle a lot with a smile on my face. I am longing for those relationships I had in early adulthood where my SO actually wanted me to be happy sometimes instead of only living to serve her needs. I can’t get these ghosts of girlfriends past out of my head. Every single night I am having vivid dreams about them sexual and otherwise. Marriage with kids is a lot different than college relationships so who knows what could have been. For me, the unknown is what haunts me.

Real and practical advice for single men - this works
I originally shared this as a reply to someone's post, then felt like a separate post would help more single guys interested in couples. I've been the male 3rd enough times to be able to share what actually works and is a step beyond the more generic advice of "be charming" or "be respectful". For all the single guys out there, good luck and here goes.
Mindset - you are part of their fantasy and there for her pleasure as a priority. You win when both he and she walk out thinking "Wow" without any yellow or red flags from you.
Here's my advice

1. THE MOST IMPORTANT BIT OF ADVICE - Talk to and engage the M half of the couple. Let him know you know your place in the 3some (i.e. you're there to help them have fun together). It's also a great opportunity to ask him what their fantasy is, what she likes, what he would like to see, and more. Hopefully, they've both talked about this a bunch and he can tell you about that, including any limits. He might even share something special you can do that will blow her mind. By engaging him, with respect, you can find all the help you need in making this work out well for everyone. You don't have to become his best friend, but the more he is comfortable with you, the more they both can relax and enjoy the experience together.
   
2. Realize you are part of THEIR fantasy and you will can be invited back if this works out well. So focus on making it work out well for them, being aware and responsive to their needs, what they are looking for. Single, attractive, respectful men are not as common as you might think. Finding one couple that you get on well with and getting invited back will open many doors for you, especially if they have friends or want to invite you to a party. So, focus on giving her pleasure and fun, even if you don't finish yourself. This is really important to remember - focus on her enjoyment.
   
3. Sometimes a couple will have a specific fantasy and want you to play a role like being the Dom to her. If you find that out, read up on it, get an idea on what you can do in your own style to play that role. Some couples really enjoy when the woman gets to live out her fantasy with another man, whether she wants to be a sub, or a Dom herself, or even really simple almost vanilla things like, doing a strip tease or being playfully teased. You don't have to be perfect or an expert, but realize your role in this interaction is to help them have fun living out their fantasy.
   
4. It should go without saying, but impeccable hygiene is a must. Be trimmed, clean, smelling good, fresh breath, and whatever else you need to do so that she doesn't get distracted. A nice light amount of cologne will work. My advice on cologne is to ask a female friend to pick one for you and then be very subtle with how much you use. Women's noses seem to pickup cologne more than you realize. If you don't have a friend or don't trust cologne being fresh and clean smelling from a shower is great too.
   
5. If necessary, drink an energy drink or coffee so you are bursting with energy when you guys get to the bedroom. That new person energy and stamina goes a long way to having her feel good, appreciated, sexy, wanted etc. You might be tempted to drink alcohol before hand, even just to loosen up. My advice would be NOT to drink.
   
6. Realize they might be nervous or not sure where to start. That's okay if you gently take the lead and help her relax. Gentle kissing, caressing and laying her down on the bed for you to go down on her is a good start. Don't worry too much though, once you get the ball rolling, just let nature take over. You're all there for the same reason, so just let things flow.
   
7. If you are meeting at your place, have a pile of clean towels for them to use. Also of course clean up your place, clean sheets on the bed, etc. Make sure your bathroom and shower are sparkly clean and spray some air freshener around. If necessary, open the windows and air your whole place out just to make things fresher.
   
8. Have bottled water and some sugary snacks. The water will keep everyone hydrated and people feel more comfortable when they drink from a water bottle they open themselves. Gatorade is great too. Sugar snacks will give you a short recharge on your energy (saw this on a porn set). Notwithstanding what I said above about skipping alcohol, having a bottle of wine or other alcohol works well as an icebreaker when the couple shows up. Still, one drink max for everyone is my recommendation for your best evening.
   
9. Before meeting, send sexy chat notes to her (with him in the same chat) to help build excitement in her mind and between them. Keep things subtle, share how excited you are, be playful and easy about it. Too many texts, getting too heavy or too graphic can ruin the mood. And as a general rule, don't send a dick pic. Just don't. You might be tempted to show off, but she can enjoy it when you two are together in person.
   
10. Check in with him, getting his permission in a friendly way, for anything you want to do that you haven't already talked about. You might find things unfolding naturally in new directions and he(and then her) will feel better when they see you check in with them. Remember, he's sharing his girl with you, the more he and then she trust you the better things will turn out.
    
11. Always respect what she says. If she doesn't like something stop. If she wants more of something or asks for something you haven't already talked about, then check in with him to make sure it's okay. Interestingly enough, he may ask you to do something she doesn't want or like. You know how it is with guys, sometimes they can get carried away. If this happens, the best answer is to respect what she says, and suggest something else instead. She will be happier, trust you more for respecting her voice and overall, they will have a better time.
    
12. When things are winding down, look for their cues that it's time for you to leave (if you are at their place) or for them to leave (if they are at your place). This is a good time to make sure they know where the towels are, that they can shower, offer them water, etc. You know, all the "how to be a good host stuff".
    
13. As they are about to go, you can share with them how much you enjoyed the evening and checkin with them, to see if they enjoyed themselves. If they did, you usually don't have to ask. A nice sensual kiss and a hug for her works. Next, it's REALLY IMPORTANT that you thank him for sharing. If you stop and think for a moment, he just shared the most important person in his life with you in a very intimate and private way. You got a gift from him. Be respectful and say thank you with honesty and heartfelt integrity. This can help him and her see that you have character and understand your role.
    
14. Make sure you know, respect and follow THEIR rules about communicating. In general, you can avoid problems by making sure you always communicate with BOTH of them. Sometimes, either she or he will text or call you separately. Just make sure that you ask, know and follow their rules about this. Also, if they do say it's okay for you to talk to each of them separately, it's best to keep the other person involved and aware when you do. This shows simple respect for each of them as individuals and their relationship. The same goes for meeting up with them as individuals. Know, respect and follow THEIR rules.
    
15. Performance issues: if you need to, take a small dose of viagra or cialis to help get over anxiety issues. But don't over do it if you haven't taken it before. You don't want to get too much of a headache or other side effects. One side effect of these meds is that they can also make it harder for you to finish. But don't worry about that because you focusing on her this time is the big win for you.
    

EDIT: Cardio FTW - being in great cardio shape pays dividends all around. Beyond aesthetics for your potential partner, increased stamina means you get less tired during your play time and can choose when to stop vs having to stop because you are badly out of breath. It can also help with exhaustion based performance issues. Last point is that when you click with someone, it's nice to be able to keep going just for their pleasure.

1. Last note - If things work out for you to meet and then you all have a good time, you can be the fuel for new passion and excitement for them and their relationship. In the least you can give them good memories. Maybe it can even develop into something long term.
   
2. Additional note about follow-up: After you leave or they leave, a short polite text thanking them both for a great time is a nice thing to do. Keep it short, simple and don't worry about setting up your next play time, instead just thank them. This gives them feedback that you enjoyed them and opens the door for them to share back to you, as well as ask you later for another play date. Realize that they might not get back to your right away and that's okay. They may have moved family, work or other obligations to make space for this date, and then have to catch back up with all those things the next day. If they had a good time with you and want more, they'll reach out.
   

If anyone else has advice, pls feel free to add it. Everyone wins when you do.
EDIT/UPDATE: For all those that found this helpful. Great! For those who gave feedback on how this advice doesn't work for you, cool. I just shared to be helpful. For those who think I'm implying that the woman is a possession, that's not the point. I actually paused when writing the section about the guy sharing his girl, I thought someone will take this wrong. Maybe it's a guy respect thing, but it's certainly not to imply any sort of ownership. For the people who think this is icky, I'm just trying to help single guys. If it doesn't work for you, you can ignore it. :) Last thought: this isn't the only way for people to do things. I shared to be helpful. Nothing more. No agenda, no service, no sales pitch. Just giving back to the community.
Edit #2: Added the point about follow-up text. Edit #3: Added the point about cardio.

Hi all :) I’m looking to present 3-4 small sizes for my partner to try. He’s smart and blue collar. Loves engines, sailboats, building houses, horses, music (especially 40s style, 80’s Aerosmith, saxophones- kind of random), food, mild arguing, snuggly naps, and sex. Taurus. Tall, well built, 60yo. thick hair, freckled. Kind of quiet, but also loves silliness. He smells great, even if it’s motor oil or sweat, but I want to give him something to use when he’s cleaned up and feeling handsome. Any recommendations? (Is this a hopeless request 😂?) Thanks!

How to Curl Hair with a Wand Nowadays, looks come first. Boys tend to look for a girl like Gal Cadot, while girls fantasize for a man like Henry Cavill. Women, tend to use different kinds of beauty products to make ourselves appealing to the eyes of others. Well, I understand your case.
https://hairdryerfair.com/how-to-curl-hair-with-a-wand-how-to-wand-curl-hai

I don't know what I can do anymore, as i get the bug whit raid not spawning really often without any error or clue, I is hard to test whit different mod list because i take a long time to tested. Maybe there are some more obvious problem on my mod list that someone better informed cloud spot? if something i deleted my user folder and content folder on steam and download everything again.
Here my log
Mono path[0] = 'D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Managed'
Mono config path = 'D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/MonoBleedingEdge/etc'
Initialize engine version: 2019.4.30f1 (e8c891080a1f)
[Subsystems] Discovering subsystems at path D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/UnitySubsystems
GfxDevice: creating device client; threaded=1
Direct3D:
Version: Direct3D 11.0 [level 11.1]
Renderer: NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1070 (ID=0x1be1)
Vendor:
VRAM: 8060 MB
Driver: 31.0.15.5244
Begin MonoManager ReloadAssembly

• Completed reload, in 0.174 seconds

Initializing input.
Input initialized.
Initialized touch support.
UnloadTime: 0.933400 ms
RimWorld 1.5.4085 rev545
Mod ReGrowth: Wastelands Fishing Patch dependency (regrowth.botr.wastelands) needs to have and/or specified.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Mod ReGrowth: Wastelands Fishing Patch dependency (vanillaexpanded.vcef) needs to have and/or specified.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-0000020375D78110.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-00000203779C1250.dll
[Biomes! Islands v2.2.0.0] Initialized
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037D17E940.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037CF01010.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037CB8D010.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037C946010.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037C808020.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037C85E010.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037C978820.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-0000020375C89530.dll
1.0.8864 ::
1.0.8865 ::
1.0.8864 ::
[Interaction Bubbles v3.0] Initialized
ReSplice: Charmweavers 1.1-Lurelings-rev5
ReGrowth: Core 3.6-Mundi-rev6
ReGrowth: ReTextures 1.2-Clapham-rev4
ReSplice: Core 1.0.1-Shelley-rev4
Parsed 0.125 as int.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Parsed 0.15 as int.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Parsed 2.5 as int.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Parsed 7.5 as int.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Could not resolve cross-reference: No Verse.SoundDef named Pawn_Melee_Punch_HitBuilding found to give to Verse.RaceProperties Verse.RaceProperties (using undefined sound instead)
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Could not resolve cross-reference: No Verse.SoundDef named Pawn_Melee_Punch_HitBuilding found to give to Verse.RaceProperties Verse.RaceProperties (using undefined sound instead)
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Knowledge data was missing key BMT_HungeringAnimalsConcept. Adding it...
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Knowledge data was missing key BuildersTryMine. Adding it...
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
[Pathfinding Framework v0.5.5.0] Mod initialized.
MovementDef count: 9
[Biomes! Core v2.6.2.0] Initialized
[Biomes! Caverns v1.6.3.0] Initialized
Texture LitterBox has dimensions of 256 x 256, but its mask has 64 x 64. This is not supported, texture will be excluded from atlas
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Texture LitterBox has dimensions of 256 x 256, but its mask has 64 x 64. This is not supported, texture will be excluded from atlas
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Translation data for language English has 27 errors. Generate translation report for more info.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
[Cherry Picker] The database was processed in 00.64949 seconds and the following defs were removed:

• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Mace,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Shiv,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Gladius,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Ikwa,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Knife,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Spear,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Club,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Axe,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Revolver,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Autopistol,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_BoltActionRifle,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_PumpShotgun,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_MachinePistol,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_SniperRifle,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_AssaultRifle,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_HeavySMG,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_LMG,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Minigun,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_ChainShotgun,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_ChargeRifle,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_ChargeLance,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Mace,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Gladius,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Knife,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Spear,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Sword
  

[KCSG] Vanilla Base Generation Expanded contains 8 missing symbols.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
[KCSG] Vanilla Factions Expanded - Ancients contains 4 missing symbols.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
MeditationFocusDef Void does not have a MeditationFocusExtension, which means it will not have an icon in the Psycasts UI.
Please ask Ludeon Studios to add one.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
[TrueTerrainColors v1.12.14] Extracted true colors from 1464 terrain defs in 493.71 seconds using a RenderTexture of size 4112x4112.
[XML Extensions] Initialized 1 SettingsMenuDef(s) and found 0 unused key(s) from 0 mod(s)
[XML Extensions] 5033 total patches run in 37945ms, 0 failed
Using DDS for Animals: False
33
Using DDS for Arsenal: False
22
Using DDS for Artistic: False
55
Using DDS for Basic: False
27
Using DDS for Biotech: False
33
Using DDS for Child-Care: False
22
Using DDS for Cuisine: False
47
Using DDS for Factions: False
68
Using DDS for Misc: False
40
Using DDS for Recreation: False
18
Using DDS for Scientific: False
29
Using DDS for Styles: False
133
Using DDS for Vanilla: False
12
Using DDS for Projector-Throne: False
Using DDS for Projector-Throne_grand: False
Setting ERN_Amaro trainability to Advanced
Setting ERN_BigCarbuncle trainability to Advanced
Setting ERN_Carbuncle trainability to Advanced
Setting ERN_Chocobo trainability to Intermediate
PickUpAndHaul v1.1.2¼ welcomes you to RimWorld with pointless logspam.
[Geological Landforms v1.6.10] Found 5 biome variants in mod Biomes! Islands.
[Geological Landforms v1.6.10] Found 6 biome variants in mod Biomes! Caverns.
[Geological Landforms v1.6.10] Found landform data in the following mods: Geological Landforms, Biomes! Caverns
[Geological Landforms v1.6.10] Loaded 40 landforms of which 0 are edited and 0 are custom.
MVCF successfully applied 56 patches
[ShowMeYourHands]: Defined hand definitions of 320 weapons
adding BorealForestto primary biomes
adding Tundrato primary biomes
adding ColdBogto primary biomes
adding IceSheetto primary biomes
adding TemperateForestto primary biomes
adding TemperateSwampto primary biomes
adding TropicalRainforestto primary biomes
adding TropicalSwampto primary biomes
adding AridShrublandto primary biomes
adding Desertto primary biomes
adding ExtremeDesertto primary biomes
adding RG_TemperateGrasslandto primary biomes
adding RG_AspenForestto primary biomes
adding RG_BoilingForestto primary biomes
adding TemperateGuldenForestto primary biomes
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
finished biome cycle
Unloading 5 Unused Serialized files (Serialized files now loaded: 7)
Unloading 1421 unused Assets to reduce memory usage. Loaded Objects now: 97345.
Total: 1887.802500 ms (FindLiveObjects: 13.610400 ms CreateObjectMapping: 17.643200 ms MarkObjects: 1845.528100 ms DeleteObjects: 11.020100 ms)
Unloading 3 Unused Serialized files (Serialized files now loaded: 7)
UnloadTime: 0.385100 ms
Unloading 1 unused Assets to reduce memory usage. Loaded Objects now: 97735.
Total: 1540.643400 ms (FindLiveObjects: 5.084100 ms CreateObjectMapping: 16.061600 ms MarkObjects: 1519.352600 ms DeleteObjects: 0.144800 ms)
Initializing new game with mods:

• brrainz.harmony
  
• Ludeon.RimWorld
  
• Ludeon.RimWorld.Royalty
  
• Ludeon.RimWorld.Ideology
  
• Ludeon.RimWorld.Biotech
  
• Ludeon.RimWorld.Anomaly
  
• tidal.morevanilla.textures
  
• vanillaexpanded.backgrounds
  
• Owlchemist.CherryPicker.tmpfix
  
• OskarPotocki.VanillaFactionsExpanded.Core
  
• ReSplice.XOTR.Charmweavers
  
• VanillaExpanded.VWENL
  
• loregret.veextra.nonlethal
  
• rimsenal.EVP
  
• VanillaExpanded.VanillaAnimalsExpanded
  
• VanillaExpanded.VAEEndAndExt
  
• VanillaExpanded.VAERoy
  
• VanillaExpanded.VAERoy.OmegaChickenPatch
  
• VanillaExpanded.VAEWaste
  
• VanillaExpanded.VAPPE
  
• VanillaExpanded.VAEAccessories
  
• VanillaExpanded.VARME
  
• VanillaExpanded.VanillaBackstoriesExpanded
  
• VanillaExpanded.BaseGenerationExpanded
  
• Neronix17.Retexture.VanillaBeards
  
• VanillaExpanded.VBrewE
  
• VanillaExpanded.VBrewECandT
  
• VanillaExpanded.VBrewESP
  
• VanillaExpanded.VFEPower
  
• VanillaExpanded.VChemfuelE
  
• VanillaExpanded.VCookE
  
• VanillaExpanded.VCookEStews
  
• VanillaExpanded.VFEA
  
• OskarPotocki.VFE.Empire
  
• OskarPotocki.VFE.Deserters
  
• VanillaExpanded.VWEL
  
• OskarPotocki.VFE.Pirates
  
• OskarPotocki.VanillaFactionsExpanded.SettlersModule
  
• OskarPotocki.VFE.Tribals
  
• VanillaExpanded.VCEF
  
• VanillaExpanded.VCEFAddon
  
• VanillaExpanded.VFECore
  
• VanillaExpanded.VFEArchitect
  
• VanillaExpanded.VFEArt
  
• VanillaExpanded.VFEFarming
  
• VanillaExpanded.VFEMedical
  
• VanillaExpanded.VFEProduction
  
• VanillaExpanded.VFEPropsandDecor
  
• VanillaExpanded.VFESecurity
  
• VanillaExpanded.VFESpacer
  
• VanillaExpanded.VWE
  
• VanillaExpanded.VTEXVariations
  
• VanillaExpanded.VPsycastsE
  
• pathfinding.framework
  
• BiomesTeam.BiomesCore
  
• BiomesTeam.BiomesIslands
  
• sarg.alphaanimals
  
• OskarPotocki.VFE.Mechanoid
  
• Dubwise.DubsBadHygiene
  
• Farxmai2.VanillaFurnitureExpandedPack
  
• VanillaExpanded.VGeneticsE
  
• VanillaExpanded.VGeneticsEMoreLabStuff
  
• VanillaExpanded.VHE
  
• Neronix17.Retexture.VanillaHair
  
• VanillaExpanded.HelixienGas
  
• VanillaExpanded.Ideo.Dryads
  
• VanillaExpanded.VIEHAR
  
• VanillaExpanded.Ideo.IconsandSymbols
  
• VanillaExpanded.VMemesE
  
• VanillaExpanded.Ideo.RelicsAndArtifacts
  
• VanillaExpanded.Ideo.SophianStyle
  
• VanillaExpanded.VIESAS
  
• VanillaExpanded.VNutrientE
  
• VanillaExpanded.VPersonaWeaponsE
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.android
  
• ReGrowth.BOTR.Core
  
• ReGrowth.BOTR.AspenForest
  
• ReGrowth.BOTR.BoilingForest
  
• VanillaExpanded.VPlantsE
  
• VanillaExpanded.VPlantsEMore
  
• VanillaExpanded.VPlantsESucculents
  
• VanillaExpanded.VPE.Hemosage
  
• VanillaExpanded.VPE.Puppeteer
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.archon
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.customicons
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.fungoid
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.genie
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.highmate
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.hussar
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.lycanthrope
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.phytokin
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.pigskin
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.sanguophage
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.saurid
  
• vanillaracesexpanded.waster
  
• VanillaExpanded.Recycling
  
• VanillaExpanded.VanillaSocialInteractionsExpanded
  
• VanillaExpanded.Temperature
  
• VanillaExpanded.VTEXE
  
• VanillaExpanded.VanillaTradingExpanded
  
• VanillaExpanded.VWEC
  
• VanillaExpanded.VWEG
  
• VanillaExpanded.VWEHW
  
• VanillaExpanded.VWETB
  
• brrainz.cameraplus
  
• sarg.alphabiomes
  
• sarg.alphagenes
  
• sarg.alphamechs
  
• Sarg.AlphaMemes
  
• sarg.magicalmenagerie
  
• ReGrowth.BOTR.DesertExpansion
  
• ReGrowth.BOTR.BorealForestExpansion
  
• ReGrowth.BOTR.ReTextures
  
• ReGrowth.BOTR.SwampExpansion
  
• ReGrowth.BOTR.TemperateForestExpansion
  
• ReGrowth.BOTR.TropicalExpansion
  
• ReGrowth.BOTR.TundraExpansion
  
• Mlie.ChooseWildAnimalSpawns
  
• Telkir.TMods.MoreFloors
  
• anthitei.athsstylegothic.style
  
• pphhyy.GuldenNew
  
• BiomesTeam.Oasis
  
• m00nl1ght.GeologicalLandforms
  
• BiomesTeam.BiomesCaverns
  
• pphhyy.LightlessEmpyrean
  
• imranfish.xmlextensions
  
• vat.epoeforked
  
• JGH.EPOE
  
• tarojun.epoeforked.AllowDirectCrafting
  
• vat.epoeforkedroyalty
  
• LimeTreeSnake.Systems
  
• Erin.Hairredux
  
• Erin.Hair2
  
• rimsenal.hair
  
• Neronix17.Retexture.RimsenalRimhair
  
• CM.Ideology.Upscaled (incompatible version)
  
• CM.Ideology.Upscaled2 (incompatible version)
  
• Rooboid.RoyalhairHD
  
• Rooboid.GlasseshairHD
  
• Rooboid.Hdhair
  
• TheVanityProject.GenderUnlockedHair
  
• won.hair
  
• won2.hair
  
• JintuziLamian.Hairstyle.AFUWomenshairstyles
  
• JintuziLamian.Hairstyle.AFUMenshairstyles
  
• BotchJob.HTHair
  
• Absolute.Legends.Hair
  
• Erin.AzaphraeBiotech
  
• cf.anomalyupscaled
  
• mosi.MoreMiniHorns
  
• Rimsenal.Spacer
  
• rimsenal.Sophian
  
• rimsenal.Techist
  
• rimsenal.Urb
  
• Rimsenal.Askbarn
  
• Rimsenal.Harana
  
• DBH.Upscaled
  
• Better.Plants
  
• cat2002.showhair
  
• VRES.BetterParts
  
• StyleRevised.Animalist (incompatible version)
  
• Cookie.RealRum
  
• yamazaki.animalhoods
  
• smartkar.athenaframework
  
• Anthitei.ATHsIdeoColorPalette.Colors
  
• Anthitei.ATHsStyleDraconic.Style
  
• Anthitei.ATHsStyleableFramework.Style
  
• telardo.BetterGeneGraphicsFramework
  
• kikohi.BetterGroundPenetratingScanner
  
• EL.BiotechMechRT
  
• marceline.cribretexture
  
• Farxmai2.DBH.Expanded
  
• Hartarok.Dresses
  
• Vesper.EGIHologramsandProjectors
  
• SirVan.EltexWeaponry
  
• det.epochsincense
  
• det.epochspottery
  
• detvisor.glitterweaponry
  
• detvisor.impactweaponry
  
• EL.IonWeaponry
  
• det.phaseweaponry
  
• detvisor.pulseweaponry
  
• com.yayo.yayoAni.continued
  
• Mlie.JinRohKerberosPanzerCopArmor
  
• Gerrymon.KinkyBodyStraps
  
• m00nl1ght.MapPreview
  
• Oken.UseEyesLayerMechanitor
  
• Kierannkkt.MechlordWarcasket
  
• Mo.MHScanner
  
• Taranchuk.ModErrorChecker
  
• Sov.WarcasketWeapons
  
• Mlie.RimworldSpartanFoundry
  
• Mlie.SpartanFoundryWarcraft
  
• Aoba.WarCasket
  
• Mlie.ShowMeYourHands
  
• Mlie.SpookyScarySkeletons
  
• Dra.StyleChangeAnytime
  
• Gerrymon.StylizedSlaveCollar
  
• Qux.Tattoos
  
• Shenanigans.TechTattoos
  
• Rooboid.RooTattoo
  
• oracle.erin.tattoos
  
• Shenanigans.TribalTattoos
  
• JintuziLamian.Gene.XenoCosmetic
  
• zylle.ChildrensDrawings
  
• Happycam.ChristmasTreesExpanded
  
• det.avaloi
  
• det.boglegs
  
• det.stoneborn
  
• det.venators
  
• neronix17.hd.pawns
  
• Erin.Body.Texture
  
• Erin.Cats
  
• Erin.Corvyia
  
• Erin.AuronyaBiotech
  
• Erin.Fenrisulfr
  
• Erin.FFAnimals
  
• Erin.Ferret
  
• Erin.JapaneseCuisine
  
• Erin.JapaneseFurniture
  
• Erin.LizzardDoggo
  
• Erin.Mountain
  
• Erin.Palamutes
  
• Erin.Shisune
  
• MasterLorian.EyeImplantsRetextured
  
• kathanon.FixStyledBlueprints
  
• Tials.Floordrawings
  
• BotchJob.GallatrossandFriendsRetextured
  
• GM.Nautian.Style
  
• Lusty.HelltakerGenes
  
• Hex.Retexture
  
• Rince.Ideo.WarframeSymbols
  
• kikohi.jewelry
  
• Jaxe.Bubbles
  
• Animal.BedsNew
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.Xenos.Mothoids
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.Xenos.Tortle
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.Xenos.Arachnas
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.Xenos.Ceratons
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.Ideology.Icons
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.Ideology.StylePack
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.HQ
  
• densevoid.onebedtosleepwithall
  
• Mehni.PickUpAndHaul
  
• pphhyy.SanguinaryAnimals
  
• pphhyy.ToxWeapons
  
• Mlie.PrisonersShouldFearTurrets
  
• Mlie.ProstheticNoMissingBodyParts
  
• Uuugggg.ReplaceStuff
  
• Garethp.ReplaceStuffCompatibility
  
• ReSplice.XOTR.Core
  
• telardo.RomanceOnTheRim
  
• Rooboid.BirthmarksandBlemishes
  
• Robotrowful.Apparel
  
• Mlie.RoyalThrumbos
  
• det.dwarvenstyle
  
• FluffyTowels.warcaskethaulpatch
  
• Mersid.WCE2Updated.Core
  
• alt4s.VisitSettlements
  
• TribalCrib.Mod
  
• Gunmar.TribalWarriorSet
  
• Trickity.WC.Rags
  
• zal.vfetmodpatches
  
• Shavius.Oreno.VFE.DubsBadHygiene
  
• SirVan.SteelRetexture
  
• LimeTreeSnake.Xenotech
  
• Koni.Misc.Toxlamps
  
• Trickity.Samurai.Faction.Styles
  
• Ushanka.BiologicalWarfare
  
• Ushanka.LuciferiumExpansion
  
• Ushanka.GlitterworldUprising
  
• det.spacerarsenal
  
• Bonible.vanillalaserretexture (incompatible version)
  
• GHOST.TribalIcons (incompatible version)
  

[Geological Landforms v1.6.10] Map added on tile - TileId: 27399, Landforms: , BiomeVariants: , Topology: Inland, TopologyValue: 0, TopologyDirection: South (F)
Unloading 0 Unused Serialized files (Serialized files now loaded: 7)
Unloading 1 unused Assets to reduce memory usage. Loaded Objects now: 103818.
Total: 1610.991700 ms (FindLiveObjects: 4.992200 ms CreateObjectMapping: 10.976600 ms MarkObjects: 1594.827700 ms DeleteObjects: 0.194800 ms)

I don't know what I can do anymore, as i get the bug whit raid not spawning really often without any error or clue, I is hard to test whit different mod list because i take a long time to tested. Maybe there are some more obvious problem on my mod list that someone better informed cloud spot? if something i deleted my user folder and content folder on steam and download everything again.
Here my log
Mono path[0] = 'D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Managed'
Mono config path = 'D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/MonoBleedingEdge/etc'
Initialize engine version: 2019.4.30f1 (e8c891080a1f)
[Subsystems] Discovering subsystems at path D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/UnitySubsystems
GfxDevice: creating device client; threaded=1
Direct3D:
Version: Direct3D 11.0 [level 11.1]
Renderer: NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1070 (ID=0x1be1)
Vendor:
VRAM: 8060 MB
Driver: 31.0.15.5244
Begin MonoManager ReloadAssembly

• Completed reload, in 0.174 seconds

Initializing input.
Input initialized.
Initialized touch support.
UnloadTime: 0.933400 ms
RimWorld 1.5.4085 rev545
Mod ReGrowth: Wastelands Fishing Patch dependency (regrowth.botr.wastelands) needs to have and/or specified.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Mod ReGrowth: Wastelands Fishing Patch dependency (vanillaexpanded.vcef) needs to have and/or specified.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-0000020375D78110.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-00000203779C1250.dll
[Biomes! Islands v2.2.0.0] Initialized
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037D17E940.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037CF01010.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037CB8D010.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037C946010.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037C808020.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037C85E010.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-000002037C978820.dll
Fallback handler could not load library D:/Steam/steamapps/common/RimWorld/RimWorldWin64_Data/Mono/data-0000020375C89530.dll
1.0.8864 ::
1.0.8865 ::
1.0.8864 ::
[Interaction Bubbles v3.0] Initialized
ReSplice: Charmweavers 1.1-Lurelings-rev5
ReGrowth: Core 3.6-Mundi-rev6
ReGrowth: ReTextures 1.2-Clapham-rev4
ReSplice: Core 1.0.1-Shelley-rev4
Parsed 0.125 as int.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Parsed 0.15 as int.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Parsed 2.5 as int.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Parsed 7.5 as int.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Could not resolve cross-reference: No Verse.SoundDef named Pawn_Melee_Punch_HitBuilding found to give to Verse.RaceProperties Verse.RaceProperties (using undefined sound instead)
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Could not resolve cross-reference: No Verse.SoundDef named Pawn_Melee_Punch_HitBuilding found to give to Verse.RaceProperties Verse.RaceProperties (using undefined sound instead)
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Knowledge data was missing key BMT_HungeringAnimalsConcept. Adding it...
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Knowledge data was missing key BuildersTryMine. Adding it...
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
[Pathfinding Framework v0.5.5.0] Mod initialized.
MovementDef count: 9
[Biomes! Core v2.6.2.0] Initialized
[Biomes! Caverns v1.6.3.0] Initialized
Texture LitterBox has dimensions of 256 x 256, but its mask has 64 x 64. This is not supported, texture will be excluded from atlas
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Texture LitterBox has dimensions of 256 x 256, but its mask has 64 x 64. This is not supported, texture will be excluded from atlas
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
Translation data for language English has 27 errors. Generate translation report for more info.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
[Cherry Picker] The database was processed in 00.64949 seconds and the following defs were removed:

• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Mace,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Shiv,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Gladius,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Ikwa,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Knife,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Spear,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Club,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Animalist_Axe,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Revolver,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Autopistol,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_BoltActionRifle,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_PumpShotgun,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_MachinePistol,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_SniperRifle,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_AssaultRifle,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_HeavySMG,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_LMG,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Minigun,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_ChainShotgun,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_ChargeRifle,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_ChargeLance,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Mace,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Gladius,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Knife,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Spear,
  
• ThingStyleDef/AM_Techist_Sword
  

[KCSG] Vanilla Base Generation Expanded contains 8 missing symbols.
(Filename: C:\buildslave\unity\build\Runtime/Export/Debug/Debug.bindings.h Line: 39)
[KCSG] Vanilla Factions Expanded - Ancients contains 4 missing symbols.
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MeditationFocusDef Void does not have a MeditationFocusExtension, which means it will not have an icon in the Psycasts UI.
Please ask Ludeon Studios to add one.
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[TrueTerrainColors v1.12.14] Extracted true colors from 1464 terrain defs in 493.71 seconds using a RenderTexture of size 4112x4112.
[XML Extensions] Initialized 1 SettingsMenuDef(s) and found 0 unused key(s) from 0 mod(s)
[XML Extensions] 5033 total patches run in 37945ms, 0 failed
Using DDS for Animals: False
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Using DDS for Arsenal: False
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Using DDS for Basic: False
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Using DDS for Biotech: False
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Using DDS for Child-Care: False
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Using DDS for Cuisine: False
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Using DDS for Recreation: False
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Using DDS for Scientific: False
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Using DDS for Vanilla: False
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Using DDS for Projector-Throne: False
Using DDS for Projector-Throne_grand: False
Setting ERN_Amaro trainability to Advanced
Setting ERN_BigCarbuncle trainability to Advanced
Setting ERN_Carbuncle trainability to Advanced
Setting ERN_Chocobo trainability to Intermediate
PickUpAndHaul v1.1.2¼ welcomes you to RimWorld with pointless logspam.
[Geological Landforms v1.6.10] Found 5 biome variants in mod Biomes! Islands.
[Geological Landforms v1.6.10] Found 6 biome variants in mod Biomes! Caverns.
[Geological Landforms v1.6.10] Found landform data in the following mods: Geological Landforms, Biomes! Caverns
[Geological Landforms v1.6.10] Loaded 40 landforms of which 0 are edited and 0 are custom.
MVCF successfully applied 56 patches
[ShowMeYourHands]: Defined hand definitions of 320 weapons
adding BorealForestto primary biomes
adding Tundrato primary biomes
adding ColdBogto primary biomes
adding IceSheetto primary biomes
adding TemperateForestto primary biomes
adding TemperateSwampto primary biomes
adding TropicalRainforestto primary biomes
adding TropicalSwampto primary biomes
adding AridShrublandto primary biomes
adding Desertto primary biomes
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adding RG_TemperateGrasslandto primary biomes
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Unloading 5 Unused Serialized files (Serialized files now loaded: 7)
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Total: 1540.643400 ms (FindLiveObjects: 5.084100 ms CreateObjectMapping: 16.061600 ms MarkObjects: 1519.352600 ms DeleteObjects: 0.144800 ms)
Initializing new game with mods:

• brrainz.harmony
  
• Ludeon.RimWorld
  
• Ludeon.RimWorld.Royalty
  
• Ludeon.RimWorld.Ideology
  
• Ludeon.RimWorld.Biotech
  
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• loregret.veextra.nonlethal
  
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• Jaxe.Bubbles
  
• Animal.BedsNew
  
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• ObsidiaExpansion.Xenos.Tortle
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.Xenos.Arachnas
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.Xenos.Ceratons
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.Ideology.Icons
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.Ideology.StylePack
  
• ObsidiaExpansion.HQ
  
• densevoid.onebedtosleepwithall
  
• Mehni.PickUpAndHaul
  
• pphhyy.SanguinaryAnimals
  
• pphhyy.ToxWeapons
  
• Mlie.PrisonersShouldFearTurrets
  
• Mlie.ProstheticNoMissingBodyParts
  
• Uuugggg.ReplaceStuff
  
• Garethp.ReplaceStuffCompatibility
  
• ReSplice.XOTR.Core
  
• telardo.RomanceOnTheRim
  
• Rooboid.BirthmarksandBlemishes
  
• Robotrowful.Apparel
  
• Mlie.RoyalThrumbos
  
• det.dwarvenstyle
  
• FluffyTowels.warcaskethaulpatch
  
• Mersid.WCE2Updated.Core
  
• alt4s.VisitSettlements
  
• TribalCrib.Mod
  
• Gunmar.TribalWarriorSet
  
• Trickity.WC.Rags
  
• zal.vfetmodpatches
  
• Shavius.Oreno.VFE.DubsBadHygiene
  
• SirVan.SteelRetexture
  
• LimeTreeSnake.Xenotech
  
• Koni.Misc.Toxlamps
  
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• Ushanka.LuciferiumExpansion
  
• Ushanka.GlitterworldUprising
  
• det.spacerarsenal
  
• Bonible.vanillalaserretexture (incompatible version)
  
• GHOST.TribalIcons (incompatible version)
  

[Geological Landforms v1.6.10] Map added on tile - TileId: 27399, Landforms: , BiomeVariants: , Topology: Inland, TopologyValue: 0, TopologyDirection: South (F)
Unloading 0 Unused Serialized files (Serialized files now loaded: 7)
Unloading 1 unused Assets to reduce memory usage. Loaded Objects now: 103818.
Total: 1610.991700 ms (FindLiveObjects: 4.992200 ms CreateObjectMapping: 10.976600 ms MarkObjects: 1594.827700 ms DeleteObjects: 0.194800 ms)

Long story short , was diagnosed with extremely high E2 levels at 16Y wich caused me not to develop enough male features during puberty I am 26y now .
My E2 back then was 58pg while T never was above 280ng . I was officially diagnosed with estrogen dominance, had a gyno surgery 2years ago too and doc put me on Aromasin mono-therapy wich did not work for me at ALL , it made my E2 spike even more higher with slightly improved Testosterone levels .... I was still estrogen dominant .
Finally, I was put on TRT 200mg a week though that I found the solution finally but it was really just the beginning of big troubles for me . 11 weeks into TRT my E2 was that of a women on HER PERIODE . I could not move past bed and the smallest tasks feels like climbing everest mountain I would get up to cook my dinner while crying because of how overwhelmed I felt , physically I was severely bloated, increased body fat despite eating clean and managing to workout at least twice a week ( I have no energy whatsoever .... ) , I also developed some female features gyno is one wich I had to do a surgery to remove , fat distribution ( hips , tights ) , puffy rounded face and my voice is that of a 14y kid ...
All this while Testosterone barely raised slightly last blood-work shows E2 levels of 146pg while T was up to 485ng on 200mg TRT a week .
Why in the hell my body converts all of my testosterone into estrogen ?? I guess it has something to do with my genes ...
Doc suggested treating my E2 aggressively with Arimidex

I grew up in a family where black is a color not a certain lture not anything more than a color. That's how I was raised. I specifically was raised to think black and white Americans have the same culture. There is no difference between the two of us. We literally come from the same families with the same surnames. The same traditions. The problem with this is black is a color. And that was the problem. Because even when I was 2 years old I was taught my colors. And I knew that I was not black like my color wasn't black my color wasn't the same as my mom's family. Even then my family would get angry and aggressive when they realized I didn't view myself as black because we had clearly very different skin tones as a child like a toddler I was between a Fenty 260-295 I was a clear medium hue not at all the same as my family who were a Fenty 420-470/480. I viewed dark skin as different and it didn't help. To tell me that that was what I was supposed to be or what I was supposed to want to be or supposed to love more than myself. If anything that made me actually look at it more with resentment. Because I wasn't allowed to be myself I wasn't allowed to love myself as I was. Because I had dark skinned black people telling me they were the standard of phenotype and that to be black was to love their skin tone not mine. Who wants to be a part of anything where they are not supposed to love themselves? If you feel any positivity towards yourself that in itself will be repellent. So since I was young I always felt out of place.
As I got older it got worse. Because then black people got desperate. And they would try and say now I don't have the features I don't have the skin tone and I don't have the hair texture like black people. So the things I have left were short hair. And they would claim I was ugly. So basically they wanted me to identify as black because I had short hair and was ugly. Who would accept that they're ugly one? And secondarily who is going to identify with people who are literally saying that about themselves?
That's the whole issue with me I could never come together on anything. It was always if anything let's tear you down. And make you feel lesson. And hope so that makes you feel more black. And that never made much sense to me. One because I didn't grow up in a poor black neighborhood. I grew up actually in a poor White neighborhood. So being low to me didn't mean to raise. Because I've seen it in all colors. It's just always been all these methods of not being better. But can we come together on actually something tangent.
That's been my issue since I was 2 years old. What can we come together on racially that is actually tangent. I have nothing. And that is the issue. In regular life I'm not perceived as black unless I wear a wig in Latino neighborhoods they speak to me in Spanish with my natural hair. With a wig especially obvious ones I'm actually viewed as more black because my hair is assumed to be tighter than it actually is. My real hair is 4a so it has visible curls in it.
Add to all of this. We have to layer and racism. And it's always been an issue. Because why would someone try to align with people experience the racism but not the community. And also not be seen as a real one. Because it through the day-to-day life you're not the standard. Dark skinned black people are standard black people. So any experience you have with racism isn't even valid. Any dark skin black person can come forward. And say that that's not even real. They can completely invalidate your experience. Because they can claim that they didn't experience that. Or that it's not actually racist. Because they're the real black person.
My mom who is a dark skinned black woman has always hated me for these reasons. It is a deep-seated hate for some people who are so called Oreos because of the stereotypes that come with it. I was always taught by her to feel inferior to her. She'd try even go to extreme lengths by trying to call me a man. And I've noticed dark skinned black women would wish I was a man even so much of the time and they'd literally hate my existence.y mother was no exception but I saw how racist people viewed me and told me the more I was like my mother the less human the less female the less valuable I was. When you're not even naturally that way. What does that encourage you to do? I only look more like my mother when I tan. But I don't when I'm naturally what I am. Since my father was light and so was his mother since they are creole origins.
So when I turned 30 I realized I wasn't going to hinder myself hurt myself and hate myself by calling myself black anymore so now I identify as white and am investing in transitioning completely with make up eye contacts and still figuring out what to do with my hair. I've removed most of my tan and am back down to Fenty 260 I was originally Fenty 370-390 range.
I will never admit again that I'm black and will always say I'm white right now I'm Turkish until I get down to Fenty 210 when I want to identify as Italian American or Greek American etc....
It's been ok so far I just need to change my job and housing and it will be perfect because everyone around me will just know me to be white.

Find the Best Homeopathy Doctor in Kolkata for You at Indianhomeo

Looking for a homeopathy doctor in Kolkata? You've come to the right place! Kolkata boasts a vibrant community of homeopathic practitioners, and Indianhomeo is here to help you find the perfect fit for your healthcare needs.
In this post, we'll delve into the world of best homeopathy treatment in Kolkata, explore what to consider when choosing a homeopathic doctor in Kolkata, and introduce you to Indianhomeo's team of highly skilled homeopathy doctors in Kolkata.
Why Choose Homeopathy?
Homeopathy is a holistic system of medicine that focuses on stimulating the body's natural healing processes. Homeopathic doctors in Kolkata use natural remedies, often derived from plants and minerals, to address a wide range of health concerns.
Here are some reasons why you might consider homeopathy:

• Safe and Gentle: Homeopathic remedies are generally safe and well-tolerated, making them a good option for people of all ages, including pregnant women and children.
• Treats the Root Cause: Homeopathy aims to address the underlying cause of illness, not just the symptoms.
• Complementary Approach: Homeopathy can be used alongside conventional medicine to provide a more comprehensive approach to healthcare.

Finding the Best Homeopathy Doctor in Kolkata
With so many homeopathy clinics in Kolkata, choosing the right doctor can feel overwhelming. Here are some key factors to consider:

• Experience and Qualifications: Look for a homeopathic doctor in Kolkata with extensive experience and qualifications in homeopathy.
• Area of Focus: Some homeopaths specialize in particular areas like allergies, skin conditions, or women's health. Consider if there's a specific area you'd like expertise in.
• Consultation Style: Find a doctor who listens attentively to your concerns and takes a detailed medical history.
• Treatment Philosophy: Discuss the doctor's approach to treatment and ensure it aligns with your expectations.

Indianhomeo: Your Trusted Partner in Homeopathy
At Indianhomeo, we take pride in offering the best homeopathy treatment in Kolkata. Our team of experienced and qualified homeopathy doctors in Kolkata is dedicated to providing personalized, compassionate care.
Here are some of the benefits of choosing Indianhomeo:

• Skilled Practitioners: Our doctors are registered with the Central Council of Homeopathy and have a wealth of experience treating various conditions.
• Personalized Care: We take the time to understand your unique health concerns and develop a treatment plan tailored to your needs.
• Modern Facilities: Our clinics are equipped with modern amenities to ensure a comfortable and convenient experience.
• Transparent Communication: We believe in open communication and will keep you informed throughout your treatment journey.

Ready to Find Your Best Homeopathy Doctor in Kolkata?
We invite you to explore Indianhomeo and schedule an appointment with one of our experienced homeopathic doctors in Kolkata. Visit our website or call us today to learn more about how homeopathy can help you achieve optimal health and well-being.
Additionally, Indianhomeo offers a range of services to meet your needs:

• Online Consultations: Schedule a convenient online consultation with a homeopathic doctor in Kolkata from the comfort of your home.
• Chronic Disease Management: We help manage chronic conditions like allergies, arthritis, and digestive disorders.
• Acute Illness Treatment: We also offer treatment for acute illnesses like colds, flu, and injuries.

Don't wait any longer! Take charge of your health and explore the possibilities of homeopathy with Indianhomeo. We're confident you'll find the best homeopathy doctor in Kolkata to guide you on your path to wellness.
Visit: https://www.indianhomeo.com/blog-details/homeopathic-doctor-kolkata
Call: +91-9836564515
E-mail: [cdrsudha@gmail.com](mailto:cdrsudha@gmail.com)
Add: Indian Homeo 53/1/3, Hazra Road, Kolkata-19, India
Find the Best Homeopathy Doctor in Kolkata for You at Indianhomeo
Looking for a homeopathy doctor in Kolkata? You've come to the right place! Kolkata boasts a vibrant community of homeopathic practitioners, and Indianhomeo is here to help you find the perfect fit for your healthcare needs.
In this post, we'll delve into the world of best homeopathy treatment in Kolkata, explore what to consider when choosing a homeopathic doctor in Kolkata, and introduce you to Indianhomeo's team of highly skilled homeopathy doctors in Kolkata.
Why Choose Homeopathy?
Homeopathy is a holistic system of medicine that focuses on stimulating the body's natural healing processes. Homeopathic doctors in Kolkata use natural remedies, often derived from plants and minerals, to address a wide range of health concerns.
Here are some reasons why you might consider homeopathy:

• Safe and Gentle: Homeopathic remedies are generally safe and well-tolerated, making them a good option for people of all ages, including pregnant women and children.
• Treats the Root Cause: Homeopathy aims to address the underlying cause of illness, not just the symptoms.
• Complementary Approach: Homeopathy can be used alongside conventional medicine to provide a more comprehensive approach to healthcare.

Finding the Best Homeopathy Doctor in Kolkata
With so many homeopathy clinics in Kolkata, choosing the right doctor can feel overwhelming. Here are some key factors to consider:

• Experience and Qualifications: Look for a homeopathic doctor in Kolkata with extensive experience and qualifications in homeopathy.
• Area of Focus: Some homeopaths specialize in particular areas like allergies, skin conditions, or women's health. Consider if there's a specific area you'd like expertise in.
• Consultation Style: Find a doctor who listens attentively to your concerns and takes a detailed medical history.
• Treatment Philosophy: Discuss the doctor's approach to treatment and ensure it aligns with your expectations.

Indianhomeo: Your Trusted Partner in Homeopathy
At Indianhomeo, we take pride in offering the best homeopathy treatment in Kolkata. Our team of experienced and qualified homeopathy doctors in Kolkata is dedicated to providing personalized, compassionate care.
Here are some of the benefits of choosing Indianhomeo:

• Skilled Practitioners: Our doctors are registered with the Central Council of Homeopathy and have a wealth of experience treating various conditions.
• Personalized Care: We take the time to understand your unique health concerns and develop a treatment plan tailored to your needs.
• Modern Facilities: Our clinics are equipped with modern amenities to ensure a comfortable and convenient experience.
• Transparent Communication: We believe in open communication and will keep you informed throughout your treatment journey.

Ready to Find Your Best Homeopathy Doctor in Kolkata?
We invite you to explore Indianhomeo and schedule an appointment with one of our experienced homeopathic doctors in Kolkata. Visit our website or call us today to learn more about how homeopathy can help you achieve optimal health and well-being.
Additionally, Indianhomeo offers a range of services to meet your needs:

• Online Consultations: Schedule a convenient online consultation with a homeopathic doctor in Kolkata from the comfort of your home.
• Chronic Disease Management: We help manage chronic conditions like allergies, arthritis, and digestive disorders.
• Acute Illness Treatment: We also offer treatment for acute illnesses like colds, flu, and injuries.

Don't wait any longer! Take charge of your health and explore the possibilities of homeopathy with Indianhomeo. We're confident you'll find the best homeopathy doctor in Kolkata to guide you on your path to wellness.

I want to find an easy way to achieve the texture similar to one of the first two for my hair that can be accessible for every day styling. My hair is pictured on the last two slides( I definitely need to get it fixed up at the hairdresser soon lol) I currently just use a volume mousse and sea salt spray. Any tips would be helpful I even considered a perm lol.

For months leading up to our wedding my mom made comments like “we’ll send the men to the bar during wedding prep so they’ll be out of the women’s hair” and “I hope the venue bar opens early so the guys can drink during the setup hour”. I told her each time that my husband (and other male family and friends) would not be excused to go drink while women were made to do all the work.
Cut to this weekend - my mom immediately asks where my useless male in-laws are going during the wedding prep… while being introduced to them. A few jaws were on the floor and I said “every man with two hands is required to help. There’s a lot to get done and the venue only allows an hour to set up decorations.” This almost became a meme with a couple of the guys scrubbing glass frames as loudly as possible, offering to clean our apartment, and when there was (truly) nothing left to do they were taking coffee orders and running to get them. I seriously don’t know what I would’ve done without my husband’s help either, I can’t imagine sending him away.
On the other hand, my boomer parents either showed up an hour late or extremely early to everything and then complained about how nothing was starting on time. Including my dad taking the only vehicle to go have long-winded boomer-style conversations with the employees at an audio store which held up the next event by an hour.
I had a document with all the timing, decor tutorials, and checklists that went completely ignored. They continued to brag about how useless the men in my family were - but my brother was single-handedly solving last minute issues. My parents have always been a self-fulfilling prophecy of thinking the lowest of all of our abilities. Then my mom gets frustrated when my brother and dad meet her expectations.
As a bonus boomerism - my mom kept sneaking decor, “family traditions”, and other things into the wedding without asking throughout the weekend. I told her point-blank when she started confronting me with these “surprises” I would’ve preferred she bring this up months ago instead of springing it on me. During the wedding I noticed she put a cake topper next to the cake (mercifully not on it) my sisters-in-law pulled me aside and said my mom had called my mother-in-law weeks ago and asked her to locate her own cake topper. My sisters-in-law noticed these toppers were not mentioned in any of the decor checklists and asked their mom to lie about not being able to find the cake topper. My in-laws truly prove boomerism is a mentality because they are the same age as my parents but drastically different.
Luckily the wedding was beautiful and I’m so happy with the outcome. I’m trying not to let these small details get me down (but that’s a job for my therapist).

I met this guy at my local church, we always have a good talk when we see each other.
I’m an introvert I’m okay with being alone, I have a bit of social anxiety but this guy every time I approach him, he’s always welcoming and he literally gave me permission to interrupt him whenever I want to.
Few days ago, we were talking about grooming ourselves, how men take less time to get ready and do their hair compared to women. And during the conversation, he shared about his hair care routine, teasing me about its simplicity, and went further to ask me to feel his hair if I wanted to. Which I did (a very quick brush to not make it creepy 😅).
Now, I’m wondering is it a normal thing for a man to ask someone they’re comfortable with to feel their hair or is there something more behind?
I might like the guy and try to make a move but at the same time I don’t want to ruin my chance of building a great friendship because my head is going “delusional” with this simple (maybe normal) act.

I (20M) feel like i got pretty lucky with alot of things that men say women want. Im 6"5, im semi muscular (ill get into this one l8r), i got good hair, and half desent facial hair, i have a LOT of money for ppl my age (around 100k at 20 due to a legal suit involving a death of a close relitive), and above average sized thing (not to be crass but i think its important for what im talking about).
Now thats all great, like every alpha male guy would say thats all that matters to get women but my insecurity comes from my face. I HATE the way my face looks. Like i cant put into words how disgusting my face is. My nose is down turned and pruyrdes too far from my face, my eyes are too deep set into my skull and have these disgusting genetic under eye bags that are always shadowed, my cheeks are fat and puffy and i have a aweful jaw that shoots way too high up to early on my face, as well as one side of my face is round and 1 side is sharp. I hate seeing myself. But so much of life is just seeing yourself, i dont want photos of me, i dont want to be seen in public, i dont want to go on dates, etc all because i hate the way i look. Ive gone through soo much in my life but ive really gotten through it all, abusive parents as a kid, dead parent as a teen, all my grandparents are dead, no real connections, a disease that hospitialized me for most of highschool, and so many other struggles in my life and yet the only thing that consitantly weighs on my mind and makes me suididal is my face.
I hate it so much i cant put it into words. Ive done ALOT of reflecting on why i hate how i look because im probaly objectivly speeking barely below average or maybe even average levels of attractivness. I think it comes from bad experinces with women in the past and a sense of inadequicy caused by having abusive parents. I know i mentioned alpha male shit at thr begining of this post but im actually not into any of that bullshit at all. Im a pretty big feminist and ive always kind of prided myself on not being that cringe women hating andrew tate fan, but what im realizing is i just internilized all that hatred instead of putting it onto women.
I constantly look at myself, i check myself in every reflection to confirm im still ugly, if there isnt a mirror i take a photo or look at myself in my phones reflection. I do this because i want to know what i look like in the moment. Even when im alone i constantly check. I have over 6k selfies on my phone if just that. Sometimes i feel confident and i feel like a 8 or a 9 out of 10 and then i see myself in normal/natural lighting and i feel like a 3/10. Its so paralalyzing. I would do anything to just feel comfterable in my own skin. I miss out on so many great things because im paranoid about how i look. When i walk to the store i spend the entire time obbsesivly freaking out about my aprarejce, when i hang out with friends i try and consuously position myself in ways they see my good side or me in good lighting because i dont want them to THINK im ugly. Its so miserable i want it to be over. Im genuinly suisidal over my facial apearnece which feels so pathetic when you consider what other people are going through or even what I have experinced in the past, its wierd THIS small thing is so deteimental to my life.
I feel my body is fine but i do have a eating disorder specifically in a attempt to reduce facial fat. I do sooo much to try and inprove my aperace but at this point its just genetics. Like i have a massive skin care routine, i work out frequently, and so much more but it just doesnt help.
One of my friends told me he though i was ugly when he first met me but now he things im average and it destroyed me. Idk why he said it honeslty i think he was drunk and ment it as a compliment and for a normal person they would just move on but for me its lingered in my mind 24/7 for the last 3 months. It doesnt even matter what he thinks because im straight and its not like im trying to date him but I think becuase of the way i obssess over what others think of my apearjwce it like confirmed my already negitive thoufhrs about my apernece. I dont voice these kind of things to ppl so its not like any1 knows not to say things like that but if i did ask him not to it would honeslty make ut worse because then it would feel like he was silently judging me.
I desprutially want to be loved, i think it has to do with being phyically and emotionally abused by both my parents as a kid because i feel this deep sinkinh feeling in my chest all the time and it feeld like the only way i could fix it would be love. Sometimes i get a glimse of it, like i fall in love and we go on a few dates and then it doesnt work out but for that short few weeks it felt like everything was fine fir the first rime ever. I want to just experince basic love like hugging and spending time together with someone in a romantic sense SOO deeply and it feels like it i was more attractive maybe those dates where i was in love but it wasnt mutual would work out.
I social media stalk one girl in particular and evey new boyfriend she gets is like 500x more attractive than me and it just makes me feel hopeless but i litterally cant get over her. 2 years and the feelings never went away. Every time i think im over her i dream about her or something big happens involving her or a friend mentions her in passing and its like all these dormant feeling reawaken and i just feel so inadiqet. Like i dont even want any1 else. Its wierd and it fucking sucks.
I feel like the only real options left are get cosmetic surgery and hope that fixes everything, or die and never have to worry about it again but i genuinly think all the time about all the bad photos thsg would be used at my funeral. If i got cosmetic survery i would move to the other side of the country and start a new life and just pretend it never happened and not talk to any1 who new me from before until they A forgot what i looked like, or B enough time passed its reasonable i looked diffrent.
What should i do? Is this fixable?