Hello everyone,
I have been trying to find a solution for my depression for more than 10 years now. I have tried all kinds of medications, rTMS, and ECT. What I haven't tried yet are Ketamine/Esketamine and Psilocybin, which are not available here for this purpose and, of course, cannot be imported for personal use.
I am currently taking TCP at 70 mg plus Lithium, experiencing hypotension as a side effect, mostly when I am not eating enough. Unfortunately, I have not seen any benefits (MAYBE weight loss). It seems to me that every time I increase the dose by 10 mg, something gets better, but until now, it has always worn off. It is so subtle that I started thinking it is just me conditioning myself because I am desperately hoping that this time it is going to work...
I tried to ask my doctor to go over the 60 mg limit and possibly up to 100 mg, but the only dose I could get was 70 mg. I can't blame him as he just started his career, and I am the only patient he has who is using MAOIs. Moreover, when I was taking Phenelzine 90 mg (plus Lamotrigine), I experienced a psychosis with hallucinations (both auditory and visual) for three consecutive days, to the point where I had to be hospitalized. That is one of the reasons he may be so cautious, even though he believes it is not going to happen again. To be on the safe side, he gave me quetiapine to always carry with me in case I notice something is getting off. (I also have my doubts, as I have been using Phenelzine for around a year and never had any issue. One day, all of a sudden everything started... I still have some doubts on the people I was going out at that time, but I won't digress...)
Last time, when we discussed about the possible "dopamine releaser" at dosage over 100mg, he argued that could be a potential for me to have a psychosis again...
Of all the medication I tried only 3 gave me the impression of working:

1. Phenelzine:
   
   • Anxiety: completely (or almost) annihilated. And that was good, I never felt SO FREE.
   • Mood: Absolutely no change, no interest, no motivation as if I was taking no medication at all. I could have stayed the whole day in bed telling to myself "get up, do something, you cannot continue like this". And I did...
   • Sexual desire: Yes, the only time in my life I have ever had probably...
2. Duloxetine
   
   • Energy: better than other medications. I could have a routine, cleaning/tiding my room, personal hygiene...
   • Mood: same as the others: 0. I probably was more suicidal with Duloxetine and irritable...
   • Sexual desire: what's that?
3. Tranylcypromine
   
   • Anxiety: no issue
   • Energy: I don't know, but I sleep a lot (which has a really bad impact on my depression)
   • Mood: MAYBE (starting with 70mg) I am more sociable with the few friends I still have, and I smile more when I have social situations with them
   • Sexual desire: What's that?

Probably the worst medication I have tried was Selegiline (<10mg) tablets. It made me more lethargic and upset with all the people around me. Tried for a 3 months and didn't want to go further....
Overall, I think Phenelzine was the best I could get and we decided to back to it. However, I have too many doubts... What if trying TCP over 100mg would work for me? 10-15yrs looking for the right med is a lot, I wish I could try now rather than 1 or 2 other years. Also, before I was using Lamotrigine in conjunction with Phenelzine, now I would use Lithium. What if this will completely dampen the effects of Phenelzine? It is scary...
If anyone has an idea, possibly unbiased and based on scientific basis, what would you do in this case? What would be the best route to take?
Thank you.
P.S. Please, as much as possible, avoid ideas based on personal experiences. Thank you for your understanding.

1. Include whether your drink or smoke, and if you have any medical conditions.
2. Hardly drink, dont smoke. Sleep apnea.
3. Include a photograph if the question relates to something you can see in your mouth, include x-rays if you have them.
4. Very bad images but the best I could do for now: https://imgur.com/a/rfB1HhU

Hi all,
TLDR: have visited 3 dentist (in Latin America) & received inconsistent advice. How can I get closer to the real answer? Provided some bad images + xrays above. I am pretty sure I have a lot of cavities but not sure I need my crowns replaced. I’m pretty set on doing the work while in Colombia.
Sorry for the horrible images, it was the best I could get.
3 Dentists, conflicting advice:
I am currently in Colombia Bogota but was last in Mexico City. I got two opinions from dentist in Mexico and one in Bogota so far.
I got panoramic xrays for all dentists.

1. I was told by 1 mexican dentist I needed a lot of work, replace my crowns (most of which were from root canals done in the USA, one in Tijuana Mexico) + A lot of cavities filled. Probably about $2k USD worth of work. Said they needed about 2 weeks to do it all.
2. Another Mexican dentist told me I needed only 3 cavities filled that were quite minor
3. The dentist in Colombia (I was referred by a local friend here) told me I didn’t have cavities I had “holes” and I needed like 7 fixed + all or most my crowns redone (I believe 3 of 4) + a mouth guard since I seem to grind my teeth + some work on my front teeth. The total estimate was about $1.5k USD and 1 month worth's of work but they still need to review my xrays in the next few days to know for sure. He seemed to believe it was urgent and I should return to Bogota ASAP.

Context + Life Situation:
For context I had Invisalign for about the last year and a half, just got that off in February. Before invislign my teeth seemed mostly fine, I had to get a few things done before we could begin (like get my wisdom teeth removed and check I didn’t have any root canals pending).
All Dentist have told me I have horrible teeth & some acid destroying my front teeth, perhaps from limes, or candy, etc. or acid reflux. This has been a common theme in the USA too so that’s consistent. I didn’t complete the full invislign treatment (my dentist transferred over her practice midway through the work + I moved out of the USA so it was not ideal). I have considered veneers but I don’t care about the looks just health.
Originally I was planning to move around and go to EcuadoGalapagos. I have ~3 months in the region. I’m going to Cartagena this week for 4 days but after that I haven’t booked anything. I was planning to visit a few nearby towns/cities (namely Santa Marta,)
I have already spent a lot of time in Mexico City and Bogota so was hoping to visit new places but I am going to prioritize my dental work since I’m traveling for the next year or two (heading to Europe/Asia).
Any ideas on how I can get closer to the “real answer”? I am thinking I am going to visit a 4th doctor here in Colombia since the price is like $30 USD for just a consult But perhaps I should try to find a specialist?. I am okay with paying $1.5k-2k USD now but I don’t want to pay for something I don’t actually need (replacing my crowns seems riskier, but if truly needed I will do it). I’m also okay with not moving since I like slow travel. I was going to see if there is a city I like here in Colombia and stay there for the month. Bogota is fine but perhaps a smaller city would be nice to get to know.. though I am assuming a bigger city would have better dentists.
I don't plan to be in the USA anytime soon (except for a few days in NYC in Sept before heading over to Europe).
Symptoms:
I do get random discomfort from the back of my teeth (near wisdom, top sides, perhaps from grinding my teeth) and also discomfort from random teeth after eating sometimes (I assume from cavities?). I have request the digital version of my xray but not sure I can get it.

This is my first time posting on reddit and I'm using a phone at that so sorry if it's hard to understand and this probably isn't the best place to post this but I'm getting really desperate and don't know where else to ask. I made this account some weeks ago but I didn't really have the courage to post anything so I procrastinated opening reddit until today . I self diagnosed for a bit but I've given up on it and I don't know exactly what issue I have but I want to avoid self diagnosis because I realized it probably does more harm.
A little background info :
My mom thinks that the worst problem I could possibly have is having to study a little extra. When I asked her if I could see a psychologist she said "most of the psychologists are people who couldn't pass the medical exam so they settled into this job instead .There are very few good ones out there. I don't think you really need to see someone but If you really think you need it find someone who isn't a quack and if I can afford to pay for it, we'll do it. " My relationship with my dad isn't good enough for us to talk about this kind of thing. (It isn't Great with my mom either but at least we can talk about these things)
I know most parents wouldn't even be this supportive so I'm thankful for her response.
The problem is that I don't know where I can get help. I tried to talk to the school counsellor but when I asked my class teacher to sign it she asked me to talk to her and when I kept saying it's nothing she told me she can't help me if I didn't want to share it with her and after a few sessions I realized school counsellor isn't the most helpful. My family can't help me (If anything the cause of why I need to get help) . I don't want to end up like my parents and I know I won't be able to live with myself if I do. I am very close to my sister but I don't trust her like I used to. I used to share everything with her but now we barely talk.
I live in delhi which is one of the cities with the best healthcare in this country and I still don't know where to look for help. I don't want to go just anywhere to any unqualified quack but my parents can't afford anything too expensive. Im also hesitant about online therapy because I want some privacy from my family and I want to create some physical distance with my house.
If anyone could help me figure out any good treatments in delhi please do because I'm getting really desperate
I hope this was coherent and I'm sorry if it wasn't, I'm new to reddit

Hey there! 24m here in Pennsylvania, just south of Philly. I’ve been feeling kinda lonely as of late and haven’t had much luck on dating apps so I thought I’d give this a try. I’m looking for a girl that I can fall in love with, preferably close by, though I’m fine with something long distance as long as we plan to close the distance some day! I’m definitely a hopeless romantic, I want someone I can laugh with, hangout as best friends, and support each other throughout our lives. I really want to find that forever girl to settle down with yk. Another thing is I really want kids someday, it’s a dream of mine to be a dad 😅 Though definitely not anytime soon! I will say, I can be a lil shy / anxious with meeting new people, so apologies if I’m a little slow to open up!
A few things about me: I’m 6’2” chubby with a dad bod, so if that’s not your thing no worries. I get some sort of physical l attraction is important. I am working on losing weight and have lost 50 lbs so far! I’m also a big nerd, my cat is named after LOTR and I play a lot of DnD. I love gaming! I’d love it if I could find someone who does as well! Some of my favorite games are Stardew Valley, Baldur’s Gate 3, and It Takes Too. Though I honestly will play mostly anything 😂 Lately I’ve been playing a bunch of FFXIV Online, LoL, and a few other games. I’m also big into live music, punk rock is my go to though I listen to mostly any genre. I don’t smoke, though I do drink socially, I like touring breweries / distilleries! I’m also a big eagles fan!
I’d love to chat and get to know each other, can swap a pic or two as well, and call on discord or something. I really hope to hear from you!

Hello, I am doing a research on the topic of "establishing new authentic connections via shared experiences in real life" and currently gathering direct opinions/experiences. It is crucial - I'm interested specifically in offline/irl. The reason why I call out "via shared experiences" is because I believe that while doing something together (hiking / playing tennis / insert your favourite activity) is the best way to get to know each other. Could share your experiences/opinions to below questions in comments or fill in the survey 1. When you are looking for new IRL (In real life) connections/friends, how do you go about it? Do you do it via your hobbies? Or via attending events you like and meeting people there? Or by starting with online connection and then consider meeting in real life? Something else? 2. What are the biggest challenges you face when connecting with others? 3. What tools or platforms do you currently use to meet new people or maintain connections? 4. Can you think of a situation where you felt a social platform/tool failed to help you connect with others? 5. Are there any tools which you really like which help you to connect with new people in real life? 6. What frustrates you the most about the current ways you meet new people or maintain friendships? 7. If you could wave a magic wand and instantly have the perfect tool for making and maintaining connections, what would it look like? 8. How do you usually find out about new tools or methods for making connections?

Well i've already been typed as infp 6w7 but I've recently been pondering whether it's really something that fits me so I wanted to get other people's opinions on my typing.
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
— I'm 19 years old and identify as non-binary (he/they pronouns). I am extremely extra, I am eccentric, I love alternative styles, I love arts in all its forms, I am extremely sentimental, I can be considered strange to many, I talk too much, I seem extroverted around introverts and I seem introverted around other extroverts, I get tired easily in social situations, so I always prefer to talk more via cell phone or computer. I'm very extreme and I can end up feeling very angry, very happy or very sad out of nowhere, I usually try to be kind but I can be rude or insensitive if I'm very angry, I'm a person who really likes to fight for causes aimed at minorities since I'm from several minority groups, I hate injustice, I'm very stubborn and I don't like being contradicted while I always try to be someone who takes various arguments into account.
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
— I'm autistic, adhd, i have gad (generalized anxiety disorder) and i might also have depression.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
— I grew up in a Christian family, which hurt me a lot when I got older since my family's religion is against my existence as a queer person, and it took them a long time to admit that I needed psychological help and things like that. It's difficult to leave my roots but in the end I ended up stopping believing in my parents' religion after everything I went through.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
— I'm studying animation design at college, it's one of my passions and I really enjoy learning about the topics, I just hate the structure of taking exams and tests.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
— I would feel crazy, insane. I need the company of some people close to me to regulate myself and talk about things I like, being alone makes me feel empty and strange. So yeah i would feel lonely.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
— I'm terrible at sports and I hate them, my motor coordination is horrible. I prefer indoor activities because there is less chance of me overloading myself with something (example: feeling unwell because of the sun, heat, etc.)
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
— I'm very curious, I love discovering new things, I have a lot of ideas at terrible times (in the middle of the night) and I really end up getting disorganized with the amount of things I think about. My ideas and curiosity are generally focused on creative processes like creating characters, universes, stories, but it can also simply be focused on a topic of interest to me (hyperfocuses / special interests). These are things that end up being more of a concept because I'm terrible at executing my ideas.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
— I don't like being the leader of projects and things like that for the simple fact that I'm not good at handling responsibilities, so I prefer to just execute some order, my problem is that I also really like doing things MY way so it's a bit contradictory. However, in the moments when I have had to be a leader (I was forced to since my colleagues didn't want to do anything) I haven't been a bad leader, I research the project topics and let people choose their topics to present.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
— I'm not good at being organized or at things that involve motor coordination. For example, it took me decades to be able to tie my shoe laces, know which direction is right or left and I keep forgetting important dates. I don't like using my hands to do activities because they shake a lot and so I'm always horrible at things that involve using my hands. The only things I think I'm good at are playing games and drawing, and even then, drawing is an extreme challenge since I always put a lot of pressure on the pencil when I'm drawing or writing.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
— Yes, art is something that I have loved since I was young because of the fact that I can express my creativity, ideas and feelings. I've always been passionate about cartoons so my drawing style is very cartoony. I really like seeing fanart from media that I love, but I also love seeing old paintings, especially from Roman and Greek times. I not only like drawing and painting, but I also love art in general. I love cinema, theater, books, sculptures, etc. One day I want to know how to write very well and be able to make books or even draw well enough to be able to make a cartoon. I want to be able to share the comfort I experience by seeing art that makes me feel happy and represented by doing something that also makes people happy through my art.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
— I have some regrets from the past, but in general I was more "normal" and happy back then, I wouldn't change anything because I follow the idea that my mistakes and successes made me who I am today. As for my present, I try to make the most of it but I'm not going to lie that I'm not a big fan of my current state, I feel a bit useless and very behind compared to most people I know my age so I end up preferring to think more about the future and how things will get better later. At the same time that I really appreciate some current moments of my present, like being able to play with my girlfriend most days, this makes me very happy.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
— I like helping people, sometimes I even try to help people who didn't ask for my help if they are people I really like (I may end up being seen as inconvenient because of this). I always want to be able to help everyone, but currently because of my mood I may end up not being very helpful as my mental health is not the best, even so, I always try to be very patient and friendly with people who are going through difficult times, even when sometimes I just want to be left alone and I'm not in the mood to help anyone, especially because I know what it's like to be in a bad place and i don't want people to feel rejected.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
— I'm very sentimental and I often don't think very logically BUT in arguments and other serious situations I need people to use logic and proven arguments just like i do in those situations so that the debate or serious situation isn't just a bunch of nonsense. I am a sentimental person, but to develop some thought, I need logical arguments
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
— In general, I think it's very important, but I personally can't be productive and efficient since I have a lot of executive dysfunction. I KNOW it's important but I can't be like that.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
— I like things to be my way but I don't really think I control people? I always impose my opinions a lot but I don't really control people.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
— I like games, reading books, role-playing, drawing and even trying to write books. I really like fantasy things. It seems more fun than my reality and I like to distract myself from real life things.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
— I like learning things when they involve what I like or at least are more interactive and I hate math, chemistry and physics btw. I have a lot of difficulty with classes in subjects that require a lot of memorization, I prefer things that are relative and interpretative like arts and literature and I really like classes that involve creativity. I also hate classes where the teacher just talks and talks and talks and doesn't do anything interactive and fun. I generally prefer to study at home for very short periods of time because I learn easier alone and study very briefly because I have difficulty studying for long periods of time.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
— I'm terrible at planning things, I usually do things at the last minute and I improvise a lot.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
— I think I get a lot of inspiration from artists I like, such as Rebecca Sugar, Tyler Joseph and others. They are very creative people who do things that I really like (I love Steven Universe, which Rebecca Sugar created, and I love Twenty One Pilots, which is the band where Tyler Joseph is the lead singer).
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
— My biggest fears are being alone, because it's scary not having anyone who understands you and who supports you and loves you, and being a burden to the people I love, because I don't want to be an extremely dependent and useless person and disappoint the people I love.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
— These are the days when I feel excited to do things and I can be productive doing everything I need in my routine as well as doing my hobbies and being able to relax.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
— These are the days when I feel sad, empty and discouraged, I can't do my routine tasks and I force myself to do them anyway in an extremely bad mood, my hobbies may even distract me on those days but it will be a strange feeling as if I'm not really excited to do what I like and I'm just distracting myself from my problems.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
— Ah, I don't have much attachment to reality and I prefer fantasy things, I constantly get caught up in my own thoughts and I prefer to create happy fantasy situations so I don't deal with my real problems. I'm also pretty distracted in general so regardless of whether I'm fantasizing or not I end up missing a lot of details and dissociating
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
— I would probably try to distract myself by thinking about things I like or talking to myself, depending on if the day was bad I would eventually end up thinking a lot about my personal problems and becoming depressed.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
— I'm very slow and indecisive when it comes to choosing things, I always want to gather as much information about each option in my mind or by researching on the internet about it and then I always end up between multiple options and changing my mind several times until I arrive at a concrete result.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
— Some of my emotions may be processed much later than they should have been processed or simply be different from what people usually have. For example, I'm not very good at dealing with grief and I end up not showing the sadness that my other relatives do, but generally I feel my emotions in a very extreme and volatile way. I feel happy for very silly things and when I'm happy I'm VERY HAPPY and I get sad very easily and when I get sad I get VERY SAD.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
— Yes. I really like demonstrating my opinions and being authentic, it's a very important thing for me, but even so, I sometimes end up just remaining silent or agreeing with something that I don't really agree with because I'm too afraid of being hated and I generally want everyone to like me, even people I'm not very close to. However, I can also be a person with very strong opinions and be very stubborn about what I believe in if it is something linked to social issues or linked to things that I REALLY like.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
— I break rules that I believe don't make sense, if it's something that I think makes sense I'll follow that rule, but if it's stupid and I don't understand why I have to follow it I'll probably break the rule. I've also never been a person who understands authorities, for me anyone has the right to question something if it's not a useful or logical rule. I agree that rules are important but that they can be adapted, eliminated and added if necessary for people.

Including the movies, I also watched Atlantis before SG-1 because the practical effects for the symbiotes freaked me out too much in ep1 so my bf had to gradually get me into it lol. Also apologies for the points being all over the place series-wise I'm going from freshest memories to weakest and I apologise if a lot of my complaints are dumb I do genuinely love the series.
The biggest point I wanted to make is searching through this sub I found a post from liek 4 years ago that resonated so hard with me, shoutout to the person wh osaid they wanted to climb Daniel like a tree, based.
Speaking of: the whole glasses on-glasses off Daniel was jarring, does his eyesight just get magically better and then not or are the glasses just to make scenes hotter? Also how many times does this man need to ascend? Jesus.
I gotta admit, it REALLY weirded me out, the whole symbiote thing at first, especially calling Teal'c symbiote at first "Junior" like.. maybe I'm a bit terminally online but the amount of horrific MPreg art I've had to see of other fandoms it really weirded me out. I'm glad Tretonin became a thing.
Also another thing that seemed to occur a lot was peoples wives getting stolen by other men, like probably the hardest thing for someone to go through, very rude, none of those good boys deserved to be cuckolded like that.
Mitchell grew on me, at first I think his writing was really weak but he became one of my favorites, I liked his demeanor and I wish he got to show more of him flying jets around. Vala was fun but I really don't know how they could just accept the apology of a woman who tried to steal a US space battleship and grope all over Daniel when he clearly wasn't into it. Little weird to write him into being into her later on but I guess I'm just happy he got to heal and have closure about his (ex?)-wife.
Tok'ra sucked. Hated them. All they ever did was screw over SG-1 and use them and they kept claiming they were homies. Nah they basically said 'fuck you you're untrustworthy even though you let us slurp up Carters dad and saved our asses including one of our queens' and the big fuck you of being completely absent during the Ori season.
I actually liked the Ori as a villain, I hated Adrea though she was just.. weird, why hot mommy leading a bunch of old magic dudes? Why didn't we use the anti-prior devices more? Why did SG-1 just actively get fucked at every turn? WHY DIDNT WE SHOOT ADREA WHEN THE BIG OLD DRAGON WAS COMING SHE WAS POWERLESS HELLO?
Also during the movies I got really excited about the Achilles being the boat even if it's... a boat. He's just my favorite mythology guy. I also cried every time Daniel got hurt or sad in the movies and wanted to give up, Michael Shanks is a awesome actor. Also I'm in the camp of liking Ark of Truth (dumb weapon but still) more than Continuum, maybe because Continuum ending meant no more fun space friends :(
Also shoutout to the naked space flower planet episode it was so good I loved how weird it was.
Extra Bonus thoughts: Rodney McKay is incredible and funny as hell in Atlantis and I hated how the kept being racist / fucking over the one Wraith literally giving their "we're gonna make you un-suckables now" treatment a try, and how the ending was just driving off in a convertible to some rad music? Okay that was kinda based
Extra Extra bonus, I just watched Universe first episode last night. A few takeaways other than how sad this shit is trying to be.
1) I don't even remember his name but are you seriously going to put the supposed (I think) self-insert protag in a fucking "YOU ARE HERE" shirt to really drive the point home? CAN I REALLY JUST PLAY VIDEOGAMES TO BECOME PART OF THE STARGATE TEAM? WHAT
2) That sex scene jumpscared me I literally covered my face until it was over
3) no eye candy so far character wise 0/10 except for our old homies showing up
4) i'm not gonna cry over a politician dying no matter how sad you try to paint it lol
ANYWAY thanks for listening to my incoherent ramblings of my thoughts of the Stargate shows as a new fan I love my space friends and I hope they are having an incredible space life THANKS

A little over a year ago, I decided I wanted to read Guy Gavriel Kay for the first time. I don’t know why I knew it was the right time, I just did. I had been aware of Kay’s work basically since I began reading Fantasy, probably at least a dozen years ago now, and I had always planned to read him eventually.
For some reason, however, it just felt like it was time. I’m so glad I did.
So, after reading fifteen novels in about 13 months, here are my spoiler-free (some small spoilers will be covered) thoughts on each one. If you are a GGK fan, I would love to hear your thoughts and favorites as well.
And if you’ve never read him before, I hope you will take the leap!

• The Fionavar Tapestry (1984-1986): The first thing to know about these three novels (The Summer Tree, The Wandering Fire, and The Darkest Road) is that they are not very representative of the rest of Kay’s work, which is mostly Historical Fantasy. Fionavar, however, is 100% High Portal Fantasy. It tells the story of five Canadian graduate students who are transported into a fantasy world and tasked with saving it. Many readers like to compare the series to Tolkien (largely because a young GGK famously interned with Christopher Tolkien) but I disagree. It is much more 'Narnia meets A Song of Ice and Fire'. Beautifully written, but also containing quite a lot of adult content, politics, and a heavy dose of mythology. I enjoyed it quite a bit, but if you don’t like it that does not mean you won’t like other Kay books.
• Tigana (1990): Perhaps Kay’s most famous and well-regarded novel, and also the first time he began tinkering with his now well-known style of writing a history-adjacent story. Tigana is set in a place very reminiscent of medieval Italy, where two sorcerers are battling over both the land and the hearts of the people who live there. While the writing is a step up from Fionavar, I did find it a touch over-dramatic at times, with characters that are not all as fleshed out as I would like. Where the book excels, however, is in its themes - Memory, Loss, Colonialism vs Patriotism, and more. It's fascinating and well worth your time.
• A Song for Arbonne (1992): Shifting from Kay’s most well-known novel, we now have probably his most underrated and under-discussed. A Song for Arbonne is set in a fictional version of Provence, France during the high Middle Ages and follows a feud between two dukes and two very different ways of life. This is a beautifully feminist novel (especially for 1992) and also made me love troubadours, which is not something I ever thought I would say. Highly recommended, especially in audiobook.
• The Lions of Al-Rassan (1995): My favorite Kay novel, and one I will unabashedly gush about for the rest of my life. Set in a fictional version of Spain during the Crusades, we follow three characters – a Kindath (Jewish) woman doctor, a Jaddite (Christian) military leader, and an Asharite (Muslim) Poet/Diplomat. These three very different people from very different backgrounds are thrust together amid absolute turmoil and form a bond that defies and transcends cultures. It absolutely broke my heart when I read it, but somehow also made me as hopeful as any book I had ever read before. This book is perfect. Read it.
• The Sarantine Mosaic (1998-2000): This two-part story is set in the same world as The Lions of Al-Rassan, but many centuries earlier and hundreds of miles to the east. We follow a young mosaicist named Crispin who is unexpectedly pulled from his obscure country life and tasked with traveling to Sarantium, the greatest city on Earth, to build a new cathedral for the Emperor. Along the way, he meets many incredible side characters and witnesses the empire experience huge amounts of change. This is another favorite, and is far and away Kay’s most epic story. If you like Gladiator or Spartacus, you’ll love this. Plus it has chariot races!
• The Last Light of the Sun (2004): A Viking novel set in the same world as the last two. Shares many of the same themes and ideas of the previous novels as well – people from different cultures coming face to face with modernity and changing times. It’s a very good novel, especially if you enjoy Vikings, but a step down for me.
• Ysabel (2007): Probably far and away Kay's most unique book. It’s a modern, YA novel set in Provence. We follow a young teenage Canadian boy who goes on a work trip with his photographer father and gets swept up into a mystery involving some of the artifacts and other historical sites there. This book is also loosely connected to Fionavar. I enjoyed this one more than I thought I would, but it was still a bizarre experience compared to literally everything else Kay has written.
• Under Heaven (2010): Kay now turned his sights to ancient Chinese history, specifically 8th Century Tang Dynasty. Like his other stuff, though, this is not actually historical fiction - it's set in another world with different names, etc. The son of a renowned general is given 250 prized horses as a gift for his work burying the dead from both sides of a large battle. This outlandish gift forces the young man to become embroiled in the politics of the empire and allows him to witness a startling change to his people's way of life. Lots of people LOVE this book - many even list it as their favorite of Kay's. It did not resonate with me the same way. It's very good! But not my favorite.
• River of Stars (2012): A pseudo-sequel to Under Heaven, set about 500 years later in an era largely defined by the events of that previous novel. Whereas in Under Heaven Kitai (Kay's version of China) was an up-and-coming military power, in River of Stars it has become a wealthy, arrogant cultural hub that is seemingly unaware of its instability. We follow quite a few different characters from multiple backgrounds in this one and, like so many Kay stories, get to see large events take place through the eyes of these 'small' characters. I imagine that whatever your feelings were/are for Under Heaven, you will feel mostly the same about River of Stars.
• Children of Earth and Sky (2016): Kay returned to his 'Jaddite' world for the first time since 2004 for this novel, and (for this reader at least), it was a joy! It takes place about 1,000 years after the Sarantine Mosaic, in a world where the great city of Sarantium has fallen to the Asharites and the surrounding world is trying to pick up the pieces. It's a time of a lot of upheaval and turmoil. This novel follows quite a few very diverse POV characters, which (while sometimes confusing) gives it an 'epic' feel. We have artists, traders, military leaders, sea captains, pirates, and more. While I would not necessarily suggest this as your first GGK novel, if you are a fan of the Sarantine Mosaic (and to a lesser extent, The Lions of Al-Rassan), you will find MUCH to love here.
• A Brightness Long Ago (2019): Taking place about 25 years before the events of Children of Earth and Sky, A Brightness Long Ago perfects Kay's most notable theme: The effect that small, 'unimportant' people can have on huge, global events. We follow a young man named Guidanio, the son of a common tailor, who is swept up into a local feud between two legendary mercenary captains. In the process, he falls in love, faces unspeakable tragedy, and eventually witnesses the fall of the greatest city on earth. What sets this book apart from other Kay novels is that it is mostly told in 1st Person POV by a much older Guidanio in the form of his life story. It is one of Kay's most intimate and best-paced books, and although I still don't think it matches his peak, A Brightness Long Ago is certainly his best novel of the 20th Century and proof that he is still a master of his craft. Highly recommended!
• All the Seas of the World (2022): Kay's most recent novel is both a sequel to A Brightness Long Ago, and a prequel to Children of Earth and Sky. As such, I will not go into a ton of detail but suffice it to say that if you enjoyed those two novels you will love this one. It's a separate story, but there is enough overlap and easter eggs to keep your attention. While I would not rate it higher than A Brightness Long Ago, it was once again a great read and certainly worth your time.

So there we have it! Fifteen novels in just over a year. I'm not sure binging his work is the best way to enjoy Kay, but I still had a great time and plan to reread many (if not all) of these books again someday.
Guy Gavriel Kay is a master, and his work should be cherished. I'm a fan for life!

As someone who was born and raised in the uk I can understand how people as a base instinct would root for Israel, as a teenager I saw posts on social media about Palestinian oppression and started sharing them. I was told off by my mum, my posts all got removed and when I asked a teacher about it in school they told me being anti Zionist was anti semitic, everything I saw in the news was pro Israel and labelling Palestine as a terrorist state. I have some Jewish roots so have always been raised with an awareness of antisemitism, my mum taught me about the holocaust as well as other things like South Africa’s apartheid. However the one thing I can’t understand is how people are not only still siding with Israel but not actively doing their best to show support and join Palestinian demonstrations. I can see how people would start with Israel but not how people can still be actively supporting a genocide. I just have questions because I still can’t understand how you can see what’s going on and think that it’s alright.
1.) what entitles Israel to forcefully remove civilians from their homes? 2.) what entitles Israel to commit ecocide which almost exclusively harms civilians? (which they have done en mass. According to many sources.) 3.) If you support Israel do you also support the US and UK invasions in the Middle East? 4.) Do you see Palestinian infants as terrorists and how can you justify the deaths of so many children? 5.) What is your opinion on the constant use of drones simply to make noise with the purpose of depriving everyone in Gaza of sleep (which is a common torture method and goes against the Geneva convention) 6.) have you seen the videos from Palestinian content creators like Motaz Azaiza and if so what is your opinion to seeing content like babies being pulled out of rubble? 7.) How is a state that excludes people from living in areas, walking down certain streets and restricting basic human rights and access to water, electricity and food not an apartheidal regime? (All against the Geneva convention.) 8.) why is the reaction to October 7th so disproportionate? 9.) Do you realise that Hamas only exists as a result of Palestinian oppression? 10.) Do you know that the amount of people detained by Israel without trial or charges even just currently; dwarfs the amount of hostages taken by hamas? 11.) What’s the justification behind videos (which are for the most part proven to be untampered) of Israeli snipers, tanks and soldiers firing at and killing children, unarmed civilians literally holding white flags as well as clearly marked vehicles carrying aid workers. 12.) How can you see pictures and videos of entire cities reduced to rubble and think that’s ok as a military act? 13.) Do you respect the amount of articles of the Geneva convention Israel has broken as a legitimate response to October 7th and if so at what point did these actions become justified for you? 14.) what makes terrorists worse than an army systematically committing the same atrocities on a much larger scale? 15.) Do you realise that the nations that support you are mostly doing so against the wishes of their citizens to support the war economy. (Check novaramedia for their polls they’ve reported them on most of the biggest financing countries including the Uk and US according to entirely trusted sources.) 16.) Why are Hamas so much more willing to enter negotiations and why are Israel so resistant to them. 17.) Do you think Israel should be going further? 18.) And lastly at what point is it too far for you?
P.S I am not writing this to bait anyone and my position has been formed from a standpoint that has started out pro Israeli and was neutral until late 2021. I stand with the Palestinians from a country that not only has heavily supported Israel for years but was a key part of its formation, I have formed my opinion based on the facts of what I’ve seen despite being raised entirely to the contrary. (Also my mum is currently watching a documentary on the nakba, she also now firmly supports Palestine having raised me in a household that believed in Zionism.)

For context: my family is "religious". They don't believe in sex outside of marriage. You can imagine what it felt like for them when I ended up pregnant at 17. I apologized and told them that I was open to abortion because I was scared. My mother didn't let me as for her getting an abortion was far worse. She promised to help with the baby and do pretty much everything so I could go to college. (My ex made it clear that he wasn't ready to be a father which was understandable because I myself wasn't ready)
She did help me. not in the way she promised before I gave birth but still. I finished college and currently have a stable job. My daughter is now 8 and I love her beyond words.
2 days ago my mother visited (she rarely visits because this isn't the life she wanted for me) We were talking about kids and the conversation shifted to single parents. She then started listing all the things she did for me when I got pregnant. Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate everything she did for me but to this day she still reminds me of every single thing and I thank her all over again. The problem is she still talks about my daughter and refers to her as a "mistake".
She said something along the lines of "I never imagined my daughter would end up a single mother. And to top that you're just 26. Never tell people her real age" I picked up on what she meant. that people will know I had her when I was 17-18. I tried to avoid another argument with her I said "But I'm happy with how my life turned out. I love my daughter" She said "I wish I could say the same" I thought she was just messing with me. I told her that I know she loves me and tried to brush off what she said but her response shocked me. She casually expressed that even if she loves me that doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to feel like she deserved a better child. (I don't have any siblings) I calmly asked her to leave.
She texted me yesterday how disappointed she is with me. That I should feel ashamed for asking her to leave after all she did for me. I still haven't replied to any of her texts. I spent all these years trying to make it up to her. I did everything right just like she expected me to. And she's still mad at me. I didn't say anything bad to her but I feel like I shouldn't have asked her to leave. I don't know. I just need some outside insight/advice. Should I apologize to her? does both of us need to apologize or should I just suck it up and call her?

Issey Miyake:
Right off the bat, it's citrusy but in a faint way. The citrus is there and will be there throughout but it's not overpowering any smell. It's fresh. Very fresh. Non-confrontational.
Uses: Gym, office, EDC.
Longivity: 6-7 hrs. 1-2 hrs projection and then it lingers. You catch a whip once in a while and it pleases you.
Might become my new favourite tbh. My previous was Zara 8.0. Still waiting on a decant of Lacoste White. Armaf Hunter was out of stock too. 9/10. Definitely a blind buy worthy.
Davidoff Coolwater:
Right of the bat, it smeels like Flipkart Grocery's handwash or detergent. I hated it. My sister hated it. But once it settled in, the smell became fresh and sweet. I'll describe it as that Ocean Water sugared drink. And it's unique imo. The scent.
Uses: I can see this as an EDC.
Longivity: 3 hrs at most. Projection is maybe half an hour to 1 hr.
Virdict: I can also see this scent growing on me if I use it constantly. Longivity is where it takes a hit. 6.5/10
Dior Sauvage:
The famed Dior. Right off the bat, it's strong. Almost overpowering. My friend(female) said it gave her a slight headache, lol. But once it settles in, the scent becomes subtle and pleasing and not loud. It'll attract a second look from people who brushes past you. I'll describe it like that school friend who's not flashy but the second best in everything, who's also mysterious and girls swoon over her, but he's too comfortable with himself that he doesn't care. But in a perfume way.
Uses: Evening semi-formal party with jazz in the background.
Longevity: Easy 6-7 hrs. Projection of 3 hrs where the first half hr is really strong.
Virdict: Unless I become super rich, like 50 LPA guy, Would keep a decant for occasional use. Can't see it as an EDC. 8/10
Lataffa Nebras:
Oriflame perfume. Bought a decant for my sister, she gave it back and took my YSL Y decant. 🤡🤡
Seller reviews:
u/Fragrance-Addict23: Top tier packaging, Decant bottles are just so good. Everything about him is great from communications to delivery. He was my first seller and has set an extremely high standards. His collection being limited is why I don't order from him more. I always go back to his list to see is it available from him first. Will definitely buy from him again. His recommendations are actually spot on. Can't sing enough praises. And I'm from Manipur where average delivery is 7-8 days. Dude made it happen in 3 days. He also got that firm big brother vibe who'll give you money for outings but also put you in your place if you do something stupid. 10/10
Imran: Talking to him is like talking to the girl you're interested in but she isn't. Replies takes a while. Packaging is decent, not great. His decants are the cheapest though. Communicating with him makes me feel desperate. Decant bottles can be better, especiallythe 2 ml ones. His decants are the cheapest though. So that's a big plus. And I think he's a seller, so that's another big plus.6.5/10. If you priorities communication and is an anxious person, not the guy. If you're a "chalta hai" guy, go for him.

I've been feeling burned out lately in my job as a software engineer. I started working right after graduation and haven't taken a real break. After three years of work, I've been feeling particularly down over the last couple of months.
Recently, my father had a severe accident, so I had to travel back to my country to check on him. Since I didn't have any PTO days left, I lied about my grandfather's death to take bereavement leave and some extra days to be with my family.
I just returned to Canada and I'm not feeling well. I'm considering seeing a therapist to explore if I'm eligible for short-term disability leave. What do you think my best option is in this situation? Should I leave my job, take a break, and then start applying for new positions (I'm not sure about this option since I'm moving to Toronto and my rent is quite high and I don't have a lot of savings and as you know the IT market is not as good as it was, so I don't know how much time Im expecting to land a new job )
Or should I go on short-term disability leave and figure things out once I'm well-rested? in this case, is my grandfather death could be an issue if they find out its not true, and do I even have to mention it to the therapist or the insurance compagny?

Hello everyone,
I want to express my appreciation for your engagement in discussing the current state of our subreddit. Your input is vital in shaping the direction of our community.
Regarding the mod team, we were brought in to bring stability to the subreddit, especially given the turnover experienced by previous teams. As pullonrocks, I've been a full-time caregiver for someone with GBM and have supported another family member through his GBM journey for a total time span of about 42 months actively dealing with this cancer and it's treatment.
Our intervention comes from what we saw as a significant gap in platforms where patients and caregivers can exchange information about treatments, trials, and discuss the realities of living with GBM openly and without wishful thinking. We can see however that we are not providing the space here that is needed.
We would like to announce the launch of a new subreddit, https://www.reddit.com/GBMPatients/, which will serve as a dedicated space for patients to share their experiences and offer support to one another. This community will prioritize patient-centric discussions while excluding caregiver venting or intense end-of-life discussions.
Additionally, we're inviting patients interested in contributing to our moderation team to apply. While our community may be smaller, maintaining functionality and cohesion is paramount. If you're interested, please reach out to the mod team to submit your application. Please include a little bit about yourself and why you want to be a moderator.
Thank you for your engagement and support. Let's continue to build a community that provides strength, understanding, and solidarity to all those affected by GBM.
Best regards, Pullonrocks

TW for people with eating disorders. And TW in general too, ig.
I (31F) have been suffering from pcos on and off since I was 15 or 16. I live in a small town and didn't get a proper diagnosis for the most part of my life. I suffered from a range of side effects from all the treatments I received(or the lack of). I've been overweight almost all my life and bled out for too long until one day in my early twenties I decided enough was enough and started working out out of sheer stubbornness. My weight dropped to a healthy range and I was eating well, was completely off sugars and processed food for almost 8 years and didn't have any cravings or withdrawals. Everything was fine until 2021. I had a fall and fractured my tailbone, had to quit my job, went through a breakup, was in a crash, endured a couple of more back injuries and was caught up in a toxic situation with my family as well. All of this took a toll on my mental health and I spiralled. Food has always been something I abused when things weren't alright and I went back to binging on unhealthy stuff and my pcos resurfaced in a much more intense way. My weight shot up from 68kg to 90kg in a very short span of time. I bled heavily almost everyday from July 2021 to June 2022 just because I was kind of bedridden because of my injury and had no support from anyone to get the required medical attention. I had to be a full time caregiver for my grandpa since May, 2022 and did not have a chance to prioritise myself in any way. He passed away recently and that loss hit harder than anything ever.
One of the gynecs I went to before my weightloss was extremely insensitive and was like you're depressed and you're prediabetic. There's no saving you. After a lot of trial and error, I found a course of homeopathic treatment to be helpful for a while but that stopped being effective too. Luckily, the weightloss and the habits I built helped maintain my health for a long time.
The gynec I'm currently seeing has a good understanding of my case and gives good advice too but the past couple of sessions with her have been a little frustrating. She hasn't addressed some of my concerns like chronic fatigue and extreme hairloss saying the weather has been harsh and a lot of people are complaining about the same things. She said we should wait before considering any tests or supplements. She put me on biotin a few months ago but that did not help at all. I started rosemary+rice water for hair because someone told me to give it a try. I tried redensyl + anagain. None of them helped. My gynec keeps telling me to reduce my stress levels and lose weight and I've been trying everything in my power to. I started going on walks, started some low intensity workouts and I've been mindful of what I eat as well. I've been trying to turn things around but nothing seems to be working. I'm currently on birth control pills. I missed a preiod for the first time in a decade and when I got one this month, it was really painful. I quickly regain the weight I lose. My muscles feel sore all the time. My anemia hasn't improved. Everyone just thinks I'm being lazy and I'm just finding excuses to not workout like I used to or go about my day like I used to. I wake up extremely late now, struggle to fall asleep, feel anxious all the time, feel extremely weak but also nauseated and bloated if I eat something, ibs pain is torturous, my skin looks lackluster, the hormonal acne are a nightmare if they show up, there's a constant discomfort in my lower abdomen, I get migraines frequently, I'm constantly scared of my bone health and becoming a diabetic, my hair is thinning beyond control and I'm just losing hope.
I finally saw a dermatologist for my hairloss and she advised me to start using minoxidil. She suggested 6 sessions of prp/ gfc treatment along with it and when I asked if the results are permanent, she said I'd have to rely on minoxidil for the rest of my life if I wish to have any hairs on my head. That felt like a huge blow to my confidence because I used to have thick and lustrous curly hair and what I have now is unrecognizable.
Is there anything else I can do to regrow my hair and reverse the effects of PCOS in general too, because this course of treatment might be a bit too heavy on my pocket right now?

Need to tell this story 2013
Hi there
This happened in 2013 but I still remember it like it was yesterday. Since my experience, I read a lot of stories from others about sleep paralysis/obes/ astral projection but none of them ever seemed like what happened to me.
I’m sharing because I don’t know what this was and I’m curious if anyone has had this experience as well.
I was living in a little studio apartment by myself. I remember I didn’t have bed yet I had just moved in. I was going to sleep for the night I remember it was a weeknight because I had work in the morning.
I had had sleep paralysis happen I would say maybe 4 times before this from age 14-22. Never SAW any shadows or demons but I did hear them in my ear.
You know that feeling you get right before you are about to go into sleep paralysis where you’re kind of vibrating and feel like you’re about to lose control? Well I had that happen, but usually it only happened when I was on my back and this time I was laying on my side. I felt like my spirit was about to detach and I was freaking out. I thought ok I all I have to do is focus on being in my body and I’ll stay but it didn’t work. I felt my ears kind of pop and heard a sound kind of like what an old refrigerator sounds like when it’s on at night.
This is hard to explain but, as I felt my spirit leaving it felt like somehow there was a way for me to choose to NOT see anything. I wanted to keep my eyes closed even though I knew it was my spirit traveling. And it worked. I didn’t see a THING. And I was very aware of the face that I was trying to keep my “spiritual” eyes closed. I had this feeling that if I let my eyes see them I would have seen my body . I knew there was a cord keeping me to my body somehow.
So, once I detached from my body it felt like I was traveling SO FAST. I didn’t get that pit in my stomach like how you get when you’re falling or on a roller coaster, but I knew I was going fast because and only because wind was going past me SO FAST. And get this it was kind of cold. Not unbearably but. Felt like 60 degrees wind. So fast. Then all the sudden no wind and I was aware that wherever I was (choosing not to see) and I heard a ding. Yes a ding like a loud ding you would hear if your order is ready from a diner in the movies. Then no wind. And somehow I “knew” that I had landed in some other little realm.
I couldn’t see. But I FELT like there were beings there that NEW I was there and not supposed to be there. Didn’t feel “evil” necessarily but it still felt terrifying. It felt like all these beings were talking to each other and living life then I show up and everyone stops and just stares at me and is thinking why and how are you here??
So I guess I “Willed” myself to keep traveling because I had to get out of there. So the wind continued and I kept going to different places (again I couldn’t see so what I could see was darkness just how it is when you’re closing your eyes on purpose)
This is where it gets weird
The only place I “landed” where I could hear people actually talking was the last places I landed
I heard the song TLC Don’t go chasin waterfalls. And it was the band and they were going that dance.
I was never even a fan of them I was sooo little when they came out and I wish I had some deeper more exciting experience but this is literally what it was and I don’t know why.
Now I still couldn’t see because I wouldn’t let myself but somehow I knew they were dancing. But again they seemed to stop and be freaked out that I was there
At this point I told myself just focus on ur body as hard as u can maybe that’ll work. At that point I felt myself falling. Same huge rush of wind and minor just minor stomach drop feeling. Finally I was in my body and I heard like a thump and then a final DING. After the ding I instantly opened my eyes and my heart was racing
I was so scared I would forget what happened so I opened up my iPhone and wrote in my notes “tlc don’t go chasing waterfalls” and literally nothing else LOL
I haven’t had any sleep paralysis happen since thankfully but I’ll never ever ever forget this

I am a 29-year-old man. Last summer, I met the most wonderful girl (34F). I immediately fell for her, and we became a couple shortly after. Now, nearly a year has passed, and a sense of emptiness has begun to arise within me. A feeling of doubt. Is she my so-called soulmate etc? But the most annoying feeling I have is the question, "Is the grass greener on the other side?" In other words, is there a better match for me out there?
This feeling has crept up on me over the last few months, and I can sense that it has started to occupy more of my thoughts now that our relationship is gradually shifting from infatuation to love. Yes, in the beginning, I was completely smitten with her, but that feeling is not the same anymore.
My family loves her. My friends love her. I love her and her family as well. We both have a good job and are very economical and emotional stable. She has the whole package, yet I still feel that something is missing.
How have you been able to determine if you've met your soulmate? And how have others who have had this feeling dealt with it?
I love her and do not want to leave her, but these feelings are still bothersome and something I would like to address.
I should mention that I have previously dated many girls, and I think I may unconsciously have been (or still am) addicted to the feeling/kick of meeting a new woman.
Why can't I just be satisfied when I have everything I want right in front of me?

*tw: dating at early age (for those of you who always get annoyed lmao),, i know we’re young, we make mistakes yadayadayada i know y’all are probably thinking “eh why so young date already ah” but to be fair we’re all curious kids so- can’t stop it from happening if it happens 😃
backstory: alright so in 2022, i (15F) was talking to a guy (15M, aka person A) for at least 2-3 months, seemed nice, and then we had a relationship that lasted around 3-4 months (we broke up on christmas day 😅)..
anyway, so yeah we kind of broke up on “good terms”? (broke up because i told him we’re better off as friends since we couldn’t meet each others’ expectations as a couple? he was emotionally unavailable and was very insecure throughout the relationship, and would often break boundaries that i had already set in place, and i had already let him cross too many — i know that’s on me because i didn’t enforce my boundaries as firm as i should have — but anyway he wasn’t a bad friend to me so i thought, why not go back to being friends?) or so i thought 💀
a few days after we broke up, i found out through HIS friends that he was talking shit about me? (e.g. calling me a slxt, told his friends that i cheated on him with FIVE?? not one, not two, but FIVE guys 😭 my thoughts: wow i didn’t know i had so much time in my life to cheat on you?) but at that point i was already done with him because i honestly couldn’t be bothered? and he wasn’t even my problem anymore! so obviously i proceeded on with my life and focused on my studies.
story: now, it’s 2024 he’s 17, i’m 17. introducing my best friend (17F, person B). person B has been with me since the beginning of 2020, we of course had our fights and drama, but we stayed despite them and learned to love one another with our flaws (platonically obviously).
so person B was around when i was dating person A, and they became friends. however, when i broke up with person A, he still kept contact with person B. (they talk in school sometimes)
as of now, person A and person B are close friends, and when i say close friends, i mean they call each other (one on one) sometimes, he updates her about almost everything in his life, he invites her for outings (just the two of them), and always asks for her thoughts on stuff.. and you may be thinking, “omg how would you know?” ☺️☺️ well person B tells me!
in my opinion, i don’t really care much if you were friends with my ex, because honestly speaking, he’s human too and he needs a community to talk to as well, BUT you do not have to share with my everything about my ex’s current life 😭 (doesn’t matter love life, healthy life, whatever life).. i’ve chosen to move on from him, leaving him as a part of my life in my high school days and i do not need or wish to involve him in my life again? i’m sorry but that’s what i have decided on for my life.
i don’t know, does it make me sound like i have not gotten over my ex? because i swear im over him, i just don’t need to hear about his life that often, and i get really annoyed at it too 😭 and whenever i react to something he does to me after the break up, (e.g. liking my story) she just tells me that im overreacting and that he’s just being friendly..
and also, the thing is person B knows what my other friends (they do not interact with person A at all) think about their friendship (person A + B) and she’ll keep on telling me “yo i feel guilty because people will think I’m such a bad friend for being close with your ex” and i’ve told her countless times “i really do not care if you’re friends with him, it’s your life”
so am i in the wrong to be reacting this way when person B tells me about person A’s life? am i really just overreacting when it’s just a small issue? and what do i do because i obviously don’t want to hear about person A.. but i do want my friendship with person B to continue..

Hi, all! 👋

Intro/Question:

Let me just start out by saying that I’ve been on here for a little while and have admired not only the persistence, dedication, and grit of the women on here, but also the kindness and support in comparison to other groups. I wish I could give/get hugs from you all because a lot of you seem like such wonderful people, and I could really use some of that kindness in my life at the moment.
Now, I guess I’ll get right into my reason for posting this: I’d love some advice/insight/thoughts from y’all on recommendations for my next steps in this career transition towards software development because I’ve been struggling for awhile with finding a FT or even PT role.
Throughout this time, my mental health has also declined greatly (while on this journey, I’ve actually started antidepressant medication for the first time ever because my mental health has exponentially decreased, and have also seen a few different therapists in the same span of time).

VERY brief overview of my journey thus far:

Early Education: Growing up in a predominantly white community outside the main city, I was put into ESL classes despite being born in the U.S. I'm Latina, and my parents--who knew little English at the time--agreed with everything the educators suggested. This meant I was often taken out of critical science and math classes to make time for ESL work. Despite being a straight-A student, I had to work harder than others, and I believe this was one reason why.About a year and a half ago, I was diagnosed with combined ADD/ADHD. As a kid, it often took me longer to complete my work. My parents noticed but assumed it was just the way I functioned. My mom often recounted how I needed a "million" breaks while doing homework, which often led to late nights. Despite these struggles, I managed to stay on top of my studies.
Undergrad Education (2015 - 2019): I am a first-gen college grad and earned a bachelors in biochem & environmental science summer 2019. I discovered computer science during my junior year of college (by then, it was too late to take more courses in CS let alone attempt to make a switch without staying an extra year, which my scholarships would not cover). After graduating college, I was still interested in learning more about CS, so I took an Introduction to Programming in C course at my local community college, and not only earned an A, but also thoroughly enjoyed the content.
Grad School (Spring 2022): Enrolled in an online Masters in CS at Case Western Reserve University for those without CS degrees with a $30,000 grant from the dept. Took Discrete Mathematics and Algorithms & Data Structures in Java (those of us w/o a CS degree had to pass these before being able to move into the rest of the program where we’d be merged with those who DID have CS degrees), but paused due to my younger brother's unexpected passing.
Bootcamp (Fall 2022): Received a full-ride scholarship to a bootcamp (1/15 out of 1200 applicants accepted) where I learned full-stack development with Python, JavaScript, SQL, Flask, AJAX, and React, among other technologies. Graduated December 2022.
Further Learning (Spring/Summer 2023): Accepted into Code the Dream’s React course, dedicating over 20 hours per week to mastering React all while volunteering to work on open-source projects.
Internship (Fall 2023 - Present): I was interning at an early-stage Ed Tech startup up until the end of April, contributing to building an app from the ground up. I Gained experience in code writing/reviewing, CI/CD methodology, technical communication, and working on a software development team along with other teams like the content team and design team.

Struggles/Thoughts:

I have been consistently applying for FT/PT roles, internships, etc. with nothing but maybe 4 interviews since graduating from my bootcamp. In addition, I’ve been tweaking my resume for jobs that I feel I could be a particularly good candidate for using Jobscan with no luck.
With regards to the startup, they’ve informed me that they do not have sufficient funding to bring me on. Furthermore, about a month after the internship contract officially ended, the other female intern (graduated from the same bootcamp, although different cohorts) at the startup also let me know that she was being brought on again for an extended contract, and asked if I was offered the same—to which I replied that no, I wasn’t. I guess she also has an associates in CS, which also helps and I am not mad at her for anything and support her and uplift her, but as you can imagine, I am a little disappointed (more in myself than anything, I guess). It just makes me feel a bit crushed. I made myself always available (even after hours), replied quickly, got along super well with everyone, got my tasks all done for the most part. ==> Towards the end, I was tasked with a particularly difficult task, and was able to get through a good chunk of a new game, but was not able to fully finish. During this period, I was also struggling to get ahold of my ADHD meds, but they seemed to be out of stock everywhere, so that also didn't help.

Next steps:

I’m debating whether I should just keep applying, find some other program (AS/BS/MS), or just stop this trajectory altogether (although, I REALLY hope that I won’t have to because it would probably break me 😔).
I know that my math skills probably aren’t on par with those of others in the field, and I know that I need to work on those as well, so if you have any suggestions for free resources for that/what I should focus on with regards to teaching myself these concepts I’d also really appreciate it. I'm currently taking the Harvard CS50 course for credit as well as a Mathematics for Machine Learning course on Coursera (they state that this is for people of all math levels).
I’ve learned a lot and am passionate about continuing to grow as a software engineedeveloper. Any advice on next steps, opportunities, etc. that you feel may be relevant would be greatly appreciated. Thank you SO much if you read this far! 🫶

Hello everyone!
For the past year and a half, in-laws have been watching little one. As of recently they have been so unreliable and we are just fed up. We haven’t had to do daycare because they filled in on the days we couldn’t change our schedule around. Considering daycare now makes me so sad, but it’s basically our only option. There are a few daycares around accepting kids around Mid-June. I wish I could go part time at my job but it’s not an option. I’m currently pregnant. I considered applying for a more flexible scheduling job or at least hybrid, but I’d be worried about not getting maternity leave as I’d be so new and most places want you working for a full year before getting leave. Idk, what would you do?

Hello HPI community!
I've successfully applied for the HPI visa and am planning to move over around August onwards, hopefully this post is helpful for those applying in 2024 and feel free to DM me or leave comments about my experience, hopefully I can be of help!
Some background about me:

• Studied in Singapore, Bachelor of Business (Marketing Specialization)
• Worked in the banking industry for 2 years post-graduation (graduated in 2022)
• Don't have a job offer at the time of application, will be heading there to find work (fingers crossed)

Timeline:
Sep 4 2023 - Submitted ECCTIS Application (Academic + English Verfiication), paid £217.50
Sep 12 2023 - ECCTIS application completed and was successful
May 3 2024 - Submitted HPI application, paid HPI application fee (SGD1458) and 2-year healthcare surcharge to UKVI (SGD 3671.92)
May 9 2024 - Biometrics appointment at VFS centre in Singapore (remember to bring the document checklist and appointment letter along with you, as well as upload all the required documents on their portal 1 day before your appointment)
May 9 2024 - Visa application forwarded to UKVI (lady at VFS told me it would take 15-20 working days)
May 15 2024 - Visa application was processed and successful! :) Super fast, was expecting to receive it around June
May 21 2024 - Collected passport with 90-day vignette sticker inside
Visa duration: 20 July 2024 - 20 July 2026
90-day vignette: 20 July 2024 - 18 Oct 2024
I haven't bought nor decided when I will fly to the UK, but shall do that soon!
---
Note about my timeline: I decided to submit the ECCTIS application first as I heard there was a 30 working day turnaround time and I thought this would've been the longest part of the whole process. Besides, you needed this document to submit in the HPI application. I was still on the fence about applying for the visa, I was also still employed at the time and I wasn't sure if I would be staying or resigning, hence why I didn't apply for the HPI visa right away.
Documents I uploaded:

• Degree certificate
• ECCTIS Academic & English Verification
• 3 month Bank Statements
• Photocopied Passport

My experience:
Honestly, I think my application process was quite smooth and hassle-free, I was just worried that the documents I uploaded were not enough but in the end the process was faster than expected. The only thing I was stressed out about was uploading the documents because it stated to upload them before the day of your appointment and I procrastinated doing so (lol). And the annoying bit was ensuring that my documents were not password protected (which my bank statements were) and I had to re-scan them in order to submit the documents on the portal, but a minor issue overall.
I've also read about the 90-day vignette confusion, I was also confused about this but it seems like it's 90 days from the day my visa starts, at least in my case.
Hopefully this helps give people a rough timeline on what to expect, feel free to ask any questions and I'll try my best to help :)
Would also love to hear from those who are in the UK right now and have any advice to share on housing, opening bank accounts, finding jobs, UK phone numbers etc. as these are the hurdles I'm currently trying to get through :')
Thanks everyone and good luck!
​

When I was young I wanted to sacrifice my life for God, the Prophet , the Ummah (community), for Pakistan & the Muslims & this is how everyone in my family felt as well, but particularly my Dad & uncles (ours was a Pakistan Air Force family).
I would cry over the massacre of Muslims of Amritsar at the hands of the idolaters & I wept over the persecution of Muslims in India & Palestine & Bosnia & Kashmir etc. It was good to be in love & to feel so strongly for others. The Imam at the Masjid would always say we Muslims were one body, if anyone felt any pain everyone felt their pain.
Then I came to the US & I observed a people far more beautiful, loving, enlightened, blessed. With time & distance my love for Pakistan & Islam diminished & I felt like I was no longer alive.
The white Christians & the people of the US are far more beautiful, kind, enlightened, loving & easy to love. I tell myself that just for encountering such a peoples & for being around them I must love them forever. I tell them that but I do not feel that same intensity of love, that strong emotion & that desire to sacrifice everything for them, except maybe briefly a while back for the white Anglo-Saxon Christians (now a days I am not even feeling the same emotions for Pakistan, unfortunately). I say I love with the hope that one day that feeling will return but I don't really feel it.
I wrote to say that being a patriot & a good, devoted Muslim or Christian (or Jew or being part of the Aale-Ibrahimi or family of Hazrath Ibrahim SW) is a reward & a blessing. Those of you who feel like you could sacrifice your life for your country, your God & what is right are truly blessed, alive & fortunate.
I wish we fall in love with what is right & good & defend & exalt & promote what is right & good.
Fall in Love With Those Worthy of Love
I wish we fall in love with a nation worth of falling in love with. You don't want to be like the Japanese trying to expand the Japanese empire because they are under the illusion that they are similar to , equal to or better than white European peoples. But the truth is even love gets corrupted in some unfortunate parts of the world. For it is not love to die for the Emperor of Japan & for Japan & for the Buddha. Why is it not love?
Love Means Choosing What is Best for Your Beloved
Love means choosing what is best for your beloved, even if the person who is best is not you. There is an Indian movie that my mom showed us when we were very young. It is called Saajan. In the movie Salman Khan's character is in love with Madhuri Dixit's character, Madhuri Dixit's character is in love with Sanjay Dutt's character. Salman Khan pretends to be a poet laying claim to poetry written by Sanjay Dutt. Madhuri Dixit is actually in love with Sanjay Dutt the poet. Salman Khan's character loves Madhuri Dixit's character so much that he is willing to pretend to be Sanjay Dutt, the poet. In the end Salman Khan realizes that if he truly loves Madhuri Dixit's character he must let her choose by letting her be with the person she fell in love with (i.e. Sanjay Dutt's character, the poet). Of course its an Indian movie so Sanjay Dutt's character has a limp & the movie ends with Madhuri Dixit's character being left with Sanjay Dutt, while Salman Khan leaves with a sad chuckle.
What should have happened is this, IF the movie was made by Pakistanis or white peoples: Salman Khan's character leaves Madhuri Dixit with Sanjay Dutt's character but Madhuri Dixit realizes she wants both inner & outer beauty & chooses Salman Khan's character because Salman Khan's character is both healthy (does not have a limp) & by setting Madhuri Dixit free & by suppressing jealousy Salman Khan has shown that he is beautiful from the inside too. Or better yet they could heal Sanjay Dutt's character's limp (like Hazrath Eisa SW & Hazrath Ilyas SW & Hazrath Muhammad SAW healed the lame & disabled to wholeness & health & beauty) & show that Salman Khan has a talent for poetry too & everyone can be beautiful both inside & outside & then Ms. Dixit can have two people to choose from (both equally gorgeous) & we could then introduce another female lead so whoever is not chosen also gets a gorgeous lover.
Love means setting our beloved free to let them be with the best candidate. So I ask you the gentle reader: who do you love & who is the best person to love them?
Who is Best Suited for the Lands
In my humble opinion the best people to love anyone are the white anglo saxon Christians: they are the healthiest & smartest & nicest & most confident & selfless of peoples. If I love Pakistan or the Holy Land or any person I would rather they be with the best peoples possible.
Ask yourself this: India was once ruled by our British white Christian cousins who are good or better at nearly everything. Why did we fight the British only to have the lands end up under the rule of misguided, unattractive idolaters (who are once too often worse than even us )? Because we resisted British rule today Muslims are getting oppressed in India by idolaters. Would it not have been better if we had strengthened the hand of the British Empire so India does not fall to the misguidance of idolaters?
The Muslims of Kashmir deserve better than the rule of idolaters. Would it not be better for them if they were under British rule ? because it seems we cannot or will not liberate them. Would it not be better if Kashmir was under Jewish & Israeli rule since it seems the Jews are smarter, prettier & are better for a land than our own peoples?
So is it love to die for the Emperor & for Japan to spread the Japanese empire? No of course not. The Japanese are not good for their own lands & each other even today when they are economically & financially well off. Japan would be better off under Christian European or British or German rule. But do the Japanese know that it is not love? I believe they are smart enough to figure this out.
TLDR:
those who feel like they can sacrifice their lives & feel intense love for Pakistan, Allah SWT are truly fortunate.
if you love someone you let them be with the best folk who can really help them (this applies to the lands & to peoples)
who are the best peoples in the world as of today: the white anglo saxon Christians & the Northern Europeans.
Who would be best for Kashmir & India & China & Japan & other unhappy & oppressed parts?

There's one guy who shows up to every single show I see in town. He's always dressed in the same outfit: navy t-shirt, exercise shorts, stripey white tube socks to his knees, sandals. Even though his shirt is dark and it's dark on the dance floor, you can see massive sweat stains under his pits. You smell him before you see him. To me, BO usually has a flat scent but this guy's smell actually stings your eyes. Like ammonia.
He has zero friends but is always dancing up to groups of us, especially if there are fewer men than women. He's ALWAYS hitting on women twenty years younger than him. He tries doing this impromptu ecstatic dance stuff and roping you into it but he stinks so badly that you can watch people turn and walk away from him all night. After this happens a half dozen times he jumps up on the stage and bothers the DJ.
If I lived anywhere else, I'd assume he was mentally ill, but I think he's just from the dark side of woo and festival culture. I really wish my scene did a better job tracking and bouncing folks like that. My town's not big and problem actors are known, and yet this dingus shows up everywhere I go.
Bonus: Ginger trust fund festival wook who dresses in hypebeast clothes. He has an ugly scraggy beard and is always fucked up on ket. The last time I saw him he showed me a chain of ball bearings he had wrapped around his fist for some reason. I looked down and saw that he pissed himself. Again, this guy is at every party I go to and I have no idea why people keep letting him in.