Cute things say your boyfriend

Awwducational

2012.11.08 02:27 Eat_Bacon_nomnomnom Awwducational

Don't just waste your time-learn something! awwducational is your source for all cute things in the natural world. Each post is sourced so you'll come away with a bit of knowledge and a lot of cute.
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2011.06.13 01:14 Britannica it's the most important meal of the day

A place for breakfast aficionados to share their love for all things breakfast.
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2013.06.27 15:48 r/nonononoyes

A sub for things that seem to go so brilliantly wrong, but oh so right.
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2024.05.21 11:21 Mammoth_Exam1354 50 F dating my highschool friend 51M parenting and dating questions

I posted this under relationship before and was toasted there which is not my intent. I am really looking to get constructive advice here.
I have three children and am divorced. Their father and I both paid for our college educations we are both employed and my kids have jobs and college scholarships and we help them but it was important to us that we put the responsibility on our children. So far this has worked well for us. My children are mostly independent and are not around much. But we spend important days/ dates together. Generally a good relationship.
My partner and I have been together for a year avd her 21 year old daughter lives with him. He has been providing everything for her. He says when he got divorced he felt badly and sees that guilt is carrying on. He drives the daughter to the Dr the dentist…. Pays for everything and she has not had any adult responsibilities. In addition whenever she is not in a relationship ( she brings boyfriends home and they sleep together) she will just show up at our dates and invite herself to our outings. Sometimes she will tell me this is what he likes or this is how we do X or so on.
Fundamentally I think we have very differing parenting and I have voice Ed my concerns to him. How he parents is his business but I don’t like being in a 3some with his daughter I feel like she tells me what to do. Lately I started correcting her and I don’t like this!
I guess my question is: given how difficult it is to find a partner at this stage in my life is this relationship salvageable? I mean I really don’t like his kids ( through no fault of their own) they are raised differently and I don’t see how they can ever move on to be responsible adults. I don’t suggest that I will take on parenting them bc I won’t but how will I have a future with him if I don’t like his children who are clearly far from being independent adults?
Thank you for your responsible and constructive advice.
submitted by Mammoth_Exam1354 to datingoverforty [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:19 kelpkelpers Most people are consistently desired even up into their 40s / 50s

Something that's been a hard pill for me to swallow and keep down is realizing that most people are consistently desired and have people liking them up into older age, while I'm 25 and I don't think anyone has genuinely ever had as little as a crush on me...
Any guy I was bold enough to tell I liked them always looked uncomfortable and promptly rejected me. And no they weren't all straight. It really hurts when I see people younger and older than me being desired by hundreds of people. I can't even get 1 single person to like me or find me to be worthy enough of their time
Any one I've messaged for a little bit ghosted me. And that's blatantly them saying they don't find me good enough. It's not even about not being good enough as a partner or not good enough in terms of personality because when you're attractive enough people are willing to coax "personality" out of you
Being good looking to the person you're talking to is the only real way to secure their interest in you
People pursue people they find attractive period. Someone you find attractive naturally just becomes the most interesting person in the world to you even if they're boring. Your brain will see that was "omg they're soo different from the norm that's soooo attractive they're not afraid to be different"
When you're attractive to people 90% of the work is already done. When you're ugly to someone they couldn't give a shit about how interesting or fun you are that's what I had to realize
There was no assortment of words, or amount of making someone laugh that would make them fall for you if you aren't already attractive enough to them
I'm aware of the good qualities I have like being caring, playful, supportive, empathetic, etc, but it doesn't make up for being ugly
My stomach always drops when I think about the amount of times I've genuinely liked someone and been either ghosted or blocked... it hurts so much because it's the other person saying that you're basically worthless and not good enough to them
I know for a fact that if I was attractive enough even with the trauma and exact same qualities I have now good and bad, people would be crawling over themselves to get to me
When you're attractive enough the good things about you are appreciated even more and the "bad" things about you serve to humanize you and make you seen as "perfectly imperfect"
but for us ugly people we are told to go on 20 year long self discovery and improvement journeys before we can ever have our first date, but that was never the real issue
The issue is How attractive your face and body is
submitted by kelpkelpers to ugly [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:19 TeGoRE Issues analysis of the Automaton faction; Solutions, discussion, general awareness post

Introduction

Hello fellow Helldivers. My name is Elliot, alias TeGoRE, a player with 155 hours on the game and plenty of experience gathered from 3rd party sources, especially Reddit and YouTube. I primarily play on difficulty 7, so this post will be biased specifically towards that difficulty.
As you all may know by this point, a lot of people are upset with the Automaton faction, its issues, balancing, bugs, etc. In this post I will be attempting to bring awareness to specific issues rather than asking for vague and general "fixes" the faction would need. I will also be referencing the other faction currently present in the game, the Terminids, as a point of comparison throughout the post.

"Fun factor" analysis; Loadout restrictions

I'll begin with what I believe will be the major point of discussion here. The automatons are just not fun. I understand this is a critical take, but please read before jumping straight to comments.
Let's compare the "fun" factor of Terminids to Automatons here. The Terminids allow you to run pretty much any loadout, while still letting you have impact on the game. You can run pure fodder clear loadouts with light penetration primaries and support tools and contribute to the mission that way, allowing your teammates to clear the heavies with ease. You can also run pure heavy clear with big bulky primaries and anti-tank tools, still contributing to the mission by destroying any charger and bile titan that comes into sight hence allowing your teammates to shoot the other fodder present without being spat on by a 400 ton oversized shrimp or being charged at by a walking rock. With both loadout cases you can also bring stratagems or change out your primaries and other tools (secondary and grenade specifically) that will allow you to have at least some impact on the heavies or lights, respectfully.
The Automatons don't allow for such loadout variety, and considering all the nerf barrages we've been receiving it's obvious that loadout choices are quite restrictive when it comes to fighting automatons. When was the last time you ran flamethrower against the Automatons? Any of the guard dogs? Any other sentry besides autocannon, EMS mortar or maybe the rocket sentry? Gas or airburst strikes? Light penetration or non-precision primaries? You get my point.
The faction requires a playstyle too specific for the casual player. You need to equip high precision weaponry (AMR, Counter sniper, Dominator, etc.) or medium penetration weaponry (Liberator penetrator, Counter sniper, Autocannon, etc) alongside way too many anti-tank tools. Sure, you can bring fodder clear, but the only realistic fodder is the regular troopers or the strider unit. Maybe berserkers. Only reliable (not saying it's the only viable one might I add) fodder clearer would be the grenade launcher, maybe the arc thrower. Furthermore, once on the actual battlefield, you can't necessarily play aggressive. Jump into a pile of bots and you'll be jumping back out limb-by-limb. You have to stay in cover, picking enemies one by one, slowly advancing forward. Then get all your progress denied by a bot drop :^)
We can then conclude that one of the contributing factors to why the Automatons aren't fun is the fact that it's too restricting and too sluggish. Let's look deeper, and analyse why your loadout and playstyle get so restricted;

Enemy analysis, its' contribution to the fun factor

The enemy types of the faction just do not let you vary your loadout enough.
Devastators specifically are the biggest issue. The regular devastator is well-thought out, a heavier bulkier unit with obvious weakspots and not too much firepower which could be compared to the hive guard in terms of mechanics. However, for the heavy devastator and rocket devastator, these are built to just bullshit you into dying. And good luck killing them if you have a light-pen weapon or generally don't have a longer-ranged or high-precision tool, as their primary body (excluding the abdomen) has enough HP to take three full counter sniper magazines (I do not know how a rocket devastator managed to do that, but it did) and just shrug it off. I don't think I need to talk about heavy devastators, they've been brought up enough... I will just briefly skim over it. They're too accurate. "Suppressive fire" does nothing to them. Their 70%-body-covering shield can eat anti-tank projectiles no problem. Sometimes a pack of devastators can be more devastating (badumtss) than a pack of hulks, depending on what devastators they are. If the "heavy" unit of a faction gets outperformed by common enemies, it's an obvious issue.
Another obnoxious enemy type is the berserker. As the name implies, they're a rage-crazed bot with only one directive: charge at you and kill you, no regard for its personal being. Which would be fine if they didn't have the health pool of a damn tank. One unit alone can eat an anti-tank projectile. And they typically spawns in packs of 4. Their weakspots don't even count as weakspots from what I can personally tell, shooting them in the head or the abdomen does about the same damage as just plain out shooting them. They're hard to kill at their core, and if they're backed up by support fire from the other enemy types behind them, you're pretty much helpless.
The rest of the enemy units are fine, in my opinion. They're well thought-out, with obvious counter-measure mechanics.
Hulks can be compared to Chargers. Heavy, tanky units at first, but mechanic rich enough to be an easy take-down once you figure out what you're doing. They have a giant heatsink which is where you have to shoot at regularly to take them out reliably. Not a weakspot might I add, just a point which you can shoot. Think Charger's butt. If you're a space cowboy shooting their tiny faceplate with anti-tank, or even medium penetration tools, can kill them as well. Lastly, just pumping them full of anti-tank projectiles (typically 2 rockets from any of the support weapons) will take them out just fine. There's other cool tricks you could pull off, such as throwing impact grenades between their feet, making them land behind the hulk, which would then take it out in 2 impact grenades if done right. Thermite grenades also deal a lot of damage to their legs, which can take them out too. Lastly, their arms can just be plain out shot off with the right tools. In conclusion, they are threatening at first, but once you use your brain to figure out its weakness, you're going to shrug them off.
Factory Striders are the Bile Titans of the Automatons. They are a bit less obvious but can still be handled decently well by a complete newbie. 2 miniguns on the front, shoot them off with medium penetration for easier kiting. Rocket the top cannon off for further success. Their big exposed abdomen is the obvious weakspot anyone can figure out. Shoot it enough and it'll die. For the more experienced, the front panel eye alongside the opening vents can also be points of advantage. Oh also can we talk about how they're a giant walking factory? Just bomb that bitch! 500kg, orbital precision strike, a regular airstrike, etc. It's a giant target just BEGGING you to throw stratagems at it.
Striders are simple as well. Big impenetrable front plate, completely exposed sides and back. A baby could do it!
Troopers are just fodder. Shoot 'em, they fall over.

Issue with dropships

If you played at least a few hours on the automaton front, you may know that the dropships can be shot down. However, when was the last time you saw that actually do anything?
The explosion deals too little damage, only sometimes killing the trooper units it's carrying. The body of the dropship itself seems to do no impact damage on the automatons, but loves to damage the shit out of you. The automatons also don't seem to care when they fall down 50 feet. Especially dropships with tanks. Shoot them down at the highest point of their drop, tank flies down at crazy velocity, lands with literally 0 damage to itself, then the dropships smacks on top of the tank doing fuck-all to it.
Oh and you can't forget the fact that the debris is solid cover FOR THE BOTS. You can't shoot through it. They can. They can also walk through it, you can't. ??????????

Issues with Automaton-specific side objectives

I will only bring up the ones that have actual issues behind them. If it isn't brought up here, then I personally believe it is fine.
Barely does it's job. Shoots down one dropship per reinforcement, and as we learned earlier shooting the dropships down doesn't even do anything to begin with. Often times the rockets hit terrain as well. Completely pointless side-objective.
Add some sort of indication to the spectating players when the person they're spectating is inside a jammer field, and therefore cannot reinforce them. Too many posts about too many people getting kicked for not reinforcing when they literally cannot.
WARNING YOU ARE IN RANGE OF ENEMY ARTILLERY WARNING YOU ARE IN RANGE OF ENEMY ARTILLERY WARNING YOU ARE IN RANGE OF ENEMY ARTILLERY WARNING YOU ARE IN RANGE OF ENEMY ARTILLERY oh my god SHUT UP!!!!

Bugs (not the Terminid kind)

The faction is riddled with way too many bugs, which just suck the fun out of it. Bots shooting through obviously solid cover, bots seeing you from across the map / through cover and then calling reinforcements, their seemingly 50/50 resistance to explosive damage, then other misc bugs not worth addressing.
This obviously drives people away. A terminid can't shoot me through a rock, I'd prefer fighting that terminid.

Conclusion of analysis; Solutions, final thoughts

The Automaton faction enemies & its mechanics at its core are fine, most enemies making complete sense. Most mechanics, while rich in function, are not very obvious. To play the faction well you need to invest some time into learning how it works. This deters the casual player back to the terminid front, which is a bit more brainless, requiring you just "hurr durr shoot bugs". Here's some solutions to consider:
Rework the devastator enemy type, specifically its specialists types:
The spawn rates of the specialist types could be reworked instead, allowing space for the default devastator instead rather than constantly spewing the specialist types. When was the last time you saw a dropship bring just normal devastators?
Please please please do something about berserkers. Lower their health pool. Maybe make the weakspots actually do something. Perhaps make them spawn less frequently if they're in the major enemy pool. Or, instead of that, make the packs smaller. They're a major ammo sink currently and by the time you're done killing them all the other enemies are already in your face.
Dropship crashes should actually do something. If I use up my support weapon's ammo to shoot down a dropship, I would want it to actually contribute to me destroying the bots, not just create a flashy explosion and extra 1-way cover for the bots.
SEAF SAM Site needs a rework of sorts. Make it always spawn on higher terrain, maybe buff its firerate (see actual SAM sites for reference), or keep the firerate as is if dropship crashes actually start doing something, instead improving its turn speed and lock-on speed. Primary issue is terrain though.
"oh yeah this spot is PERFECT for a SAM site!" said the seaf engineer after ordering it be built in a trench enclosed by cliffs from all 4 sides "what the hell is this" said the helldiver when stumbling upon it
Realistically speaking, the only people who perform well when fighting against Automatons are those who have tens of hours of experience on their belt alongside a team with similar skill level, using proper "meta" (god forbid) loadouts to properly counter the bot menace. The casual solo-queue player just crumbles.

Conclusion & Goodbyes

I may have missed some things, but I tried to grab everything problematic about the faction to the best of my ability. I will most likely not edit the post due to it already being gigantic. However any comments adding onto the post are obviously appreciated. :)
If you're here to find a tl;dr, don't bother. No way in hell I'm summarizing 11.5k+ worth of characters. Just read the analysis conclusion.
If you're here after reading everything above, thank you. I hope this was a fun read and brought attention to why you might not be having as much fun on automatons, maybe made you realize what needs to be done in order to counter the currently sluggish faction. I just hope I helped in some way.
If you're a developer, thank you for creating an amazing game. I've been in love with Helldivers 2 since the very start (upon finding it reaching sky-high popularity), enjoying every hour of gameplay. But just like with any game, it has its flaws, and I hope these are properly addressed. The community has been asking for changes, and I hope my post brought awareness to it.
Buh-bye!!!
submitted by TeGoRE to Helldivers [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:18 Juggerfist Credit score going down despite doing the right things...

Heya,
I've been on a quest to sort out my finances a lot, as I'm looking to purchase a house next year. Over the last couple of years, I've worked to clear all my debt, sort out my finances, and I'm now in a pretty good position, with over £55k in savings (squirreled away in various places) and a good income.
My situtation is that a few years ago I got into some pretty bad habits and defaulted on a credit card. I paid it back almost immediately, but the mark remains on my score and will be cleared by March next year, as it will have been 6 years since the default. Since then, I have infrequently touched my credit cards, except occasional usage.
My credit score, however, is currently sitting in "Needs Works" according to TransUnion. It's dropped down from "Fair" pretty recently. The thing that's changed, is simply this: I've started using my credit card on the advice of many different people and resources. I'm using this card regularly, and have a direct debit to pay it off in full every month. I have no issues paying it.
My question is: Why is my score dropping? CreditKarma says "You should aim to keep reducing your balances so that they’re at least 10% lower than they were 3 months ago, as a sign that you’re starting to reduce your debt." At the same time, many resources say I should be using my card.
I'll add that this is a credit card I've had for quite some time. It's not new.
Can anyone tell me what I'm doing wrong, or can I expect it to normalise once they see my credit card usage has become regular and consistent?
Thank you!
submitted by Juggerfist to UKPersonalFinance [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:18 Technical-Pin3624 Not sure if I have DID - some questions

I’m not really sure what to say. I know the advice is to go to a professional but I feel embarrassed as if I’m faking it or want attention or something even though ive never told anyone about any of this and I don’t think I’d be able to voice it anyway. I think I have a girl with me mentally right now and she’s so sweet but it’s confusing because I’m a trans man. My head feels fuzzy I originally wanted to talk about my experiences and get your input but instead I want to ask anyone willing to answer some questions if it’s okay because I know the internet is full of misinformation or really basic answers that don’t answer my questions:
Thank you for any answers, I could totally not have DID as I’m pretty sure I have autism ADHD CPTSD PMDD maybe BPD so maybe some things are just overlapping symptoms, regardless I’m happy to learn more about DID either way, thanks :)
submitted by Technical-Pin3624 to DID [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:17 Affectionate-Fudge50 not being trained at work

hi, im going thru quite a strange onboarding at my new job, id appreciate some advice. the person who is supposed to help me onboard is leaving at the end of the month, had quite a lot of vacantion days, only showed me very few things probably due to lack of interest and time. i spend most days not doing much because while they gave me a lots of powerpoints, its a lot of information that is mostly not needed, it doesnt show me how to actually do the job. so i just spend my days waiting on my trainer to remember i exist which is rare. what would you do? would you talk to your boss? what could i say in this situation so that its clear i want to learn, because i fear ill get laid off
submitted by Affectionate-Fudge50 to jobs [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:17 alfredochickenpasta Thoughts on the show

This is about writing as I must say, I’d like to hear your comments and opinions on this as well.
I am nearly done with the entire series. I think it is a very good show, the Asian representation, sharing the immigrant journey settling in Canada through generations.
The writing is great, largely, but I have come to hate Janet. Sure, everyone struggles in college and university and the difference between first and second generation immigrants is huge but she is portrayed as a super confused, chaotic, insensitive and spoilt child.
Everyone her age struggles with balancing family expectations and society’s expectations but the way she behaves is unreasonable.
It isn’t that she’s faking things to fit it, it is that she’s manipulative and extremely guarded. I’m not annoyed by how she dates Nathan and Raj. I’m annoyed by how she is dishonest with them and manipulates them.
Sure, you’d like to fit in and have fun but she goes out of her way to be chaotic while wanting calm and stability.
I also appreciate the writing because she’s a second born too and their journey is rather different especially as a girl child in an Asian family.
submitted by alfredochickenpasta to KimsConvenience [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:16 These-Gain-1615 Grimes is a controversial but inspiring person at the same time

I went through a journey during the past six months that helped me explore a part of myself that I did not know. I feel that I have changed radically since I started following it (I am 17, but I feel that I have become more mature than other adults).
At first I didn't know about Grimes, but I was an obsessive, worshipful Elon Musk fan, interested in his daily habits like working 12 hours and sleeping 7 hours a day (which he lied about), and I stuck my nose into his personal life (like an obsessive K-Pop fan ), I found that most of his previous women were attractive (blonde and very traditional attractiveness) except for Grimes, who I found ugly and witch-like in their first appearance on the Met Gala, so I decided to search for her more (and it was the best work I did in my life), I was I was worried about this woman. I felt that she was a Freemason and belonged to the Illuminati (because of her strange clothes and her album covers) or that she was a witch and cast black magic spells in her songs to enchant her audience and kill them, and I was very afraid.
I had a strange feeling for her and went to her YouTube channel and listened to Oblivion and it seemed like a bad and ugly song the first time (I mean, my taste is bad) and I said to myself that I would never listen to any of her songs again since Oblivion was the most viewed song and I didn't like it (my view was superficial and ridiculous), I went to reddit and found that her fans were praising her playing. I was amazed to know that she produces her own music and melodies unlike other pop stars like Selena or Taylor. I listened to Oblivion again and this time focused on the vocal tracks and Then I listened to Genesis and it sounded like a fortune teller or something like that. I then listened to all of her songs and went to translate them. I was amazed that they did not contain the words of a prostitute girl and cursing, and she rarely sings about love. I was interested in her from that moment on and it went. To watch all of her interviews she seemed so spontaneous and unconventional. I loved that she expressed her political opinions even on unrelated topics (like her talk about challenging societal norms of diet and weight and her controversial talk about being a vegetarian and eating hot dogs). Teens and Kids benefit from interviewing her (even about preferences) unlike other celebrities whose interviews are mostly a waste of time.
I stopped by to watch her other interview with Lex Friedman, found it helpful except for a few points (I wrote down every word she said in the interview in a notebook) and bought those books she recommended like the "Culture Series" and even watched the anime "Totoro" which she recommended for kids. I used to watch podcasts about famous singers and almost the same thing is repeated by most of them and there is no value learned, but for me every interview with Grimes is a big change for my personality.
I finished all of her interviews and went to follow all of her accounts, and I was surprised that she responded to comments (such as her response to a comment about makeup) because I was accustomed to the culture of celebrities who leave thousands of comments without responding. I also compared the comments, as the comments of celebrities are frequent (such as: I love you (You're beautiful, you're sexy, heart and rose emojis...) and the comments on the grimes account are full of mature and creative people and I loved her interactions with fans and the awkward things like her talking to the grimes AI (which they designed to be immortal grimes...), and her tweets Regarding preferences about anime and manga, and her crazy looks that show her asymmetrical artistic body, her embarrassing interviews, and her big nose, all the way to her foolish and controversial opinions, although I do not like many of the stupid things that she says, but I love her frank personality without apology, she says Things she knows lead to her being hated, unlike other stars who flatter and pretend to be nice and kind to get as many obsessed fans as possible.
I've changed a lot during the 6 months I spent looking at anything related to grimes. I've become more confident in myself. Well, I hate something called self-confidence. I'll replace it with: "I've become more embarrassed." I used to be shy about revealing that I'm an otaku, and now I am... I became more frank and more open to declaring the world I had created inside my imagination - Vikings, cards, and science fiction. I became less anxious and considered my very thin, asymmetrical yellow body to be an unconventional standard of beauty. I became open to different cultures, ancient civilizations, and ancient poetry. And history, and I invented unique hair colors instead of blonde, and made my body and face a guinea pig for crazy tricks with liquid eyeliner. They also became more accepting of my damned embarrassing personality instead of searching for silly videos about increasing self-confidence and a strong personality that attracts men. I was obsessed with Elon Musk, but after I learned about his crazy relationship with Grimes, I learned that he is just a fat, narcissistic, sadistic child, and billionaires should not be taken as an example.
I'm not a huge fan of grimes but she is an interesting person and anyone who is trapped in the shell of being obsessed with Taylor Swift (but not limited to) should know about grimes
submitted by These-Gain-1615 to Grimes [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:16 kiwasabi The Metallica Conspiracy: The reason Metallica hasn't made a good album since The Black Album (1991) is because they were all replaced sometime in the early to mid 90's.

The Metallica Conspiracy: The reason Metallica hasn't made a good album since The Black Album (1991) is because they were all replaced sometime in the early to mid 90's.
INTRODUCTION:
While listening to the radio the other day, I had a thought. What if the reason Metallica has sucked since 1996 is because they aren't actually Metallica, but an entirely different band? To me this logically is the only explanation for how Metallica's music changed so drastically and permanently between the release of their self titled album "Metallica" (The Black Album) on August 12, 1991, and their next album "Load" which released June 4, 1996. All of a sudden they changed from being a thrash metal band at their peak to being a mediocre grunge rock Bush wannabe band who cut off their long hair and started wearing eye shadow and earrings.
THE BLACK ALBUM:
https://preview.redd.it/sjhfpgrnlq1d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a11df9d81fab0b2c071112c843752d33e87206ee
The whole theme of Metallica's self titled album (generally referred to as "The Black Album") appears to be "Don't Tread On Me". This is confirmed by the cover image of the album itself. On the bottom right corner is the "Don't Tread On Me" snake from the Gadsden Flag which is a rebel flag first created in 1789. The history of the rattlesnake representing American rebelliousness goes back to 1751 when The Pennsylvania Gazette suggested that since the British kept using the United States as a prison colony by sending us their convicts, that we should pay them back by sending them a "cargo of rattlesnakes". (LINK) Three years later a political cartoon was created which depicted a snake cut into 8 segments with the caption "Join Or Die". Each section of the snake represented a colony and warned of the dangers of disunity. The rattlesnake symbol caught on and became a part of several other Revolutionary War flags. Before the departure of the United States Navy’s first mission in 1775, Continental Colonel Christopher Gadsden from South Carolina presented the newly appointed commander with a yellow rattlesnake flag to serve as a standard for his flagship.
According to this video titled "Don't Tread On Me" Gadsden Flag Symbolism & Meaning (LINK), since the flag was designed for the Navy, the meaning of a yellow Navy flag in 1789 meant "capital punishment on board". Thus the yellow color was meant to be a warning to any other ships who might impose on the independence of the United States colonies. Also mentioned in the video is the fact that the snake consists of 33 sections if you include the head and tail, which could be a reference to the 33 degrees of Freemasonry, or the 33 vertebrae of the Kundalini. Also, I noticed that the snake itself is basically a reversed 666. Finally, the shape of the snake symbol is triangular like an Illuminati All Seeing Eye Pyramid. So there's definitely a lot of hidden meaning behind the "Don't Tread On Me" flag it seems.
Anyway, the lyrical content of The Black Album is full of references to a slave who is oppressed by a cruel master such as "With this whipping boy done wrong" (The Unforgiven) and "Do my dirty work, scapegoat" (Sad But True). The overall theme is about rebelling against this cruel overlord, and there's literally a song called "Don't Tread On Me" with the lyrics repeatedly warning what will happen if the message is not properly heeded. "Enter Sandman" appears to be about Project Monarch Trauma Based Mind Control as well as Satanic Ritual Abuse. When it talks about, "Exit light, enter night. We're off to never never land", it's encouraging the traumatized victim to disassociate from reality by splitting off into a new personality and "going off to never never land" (referring to the fairy tale world of Peter Pan, which is a mind control theme). But the song that seems to put it all right out there what happened to Metallica is "The Unforgiven". The lyrics discuss being born into Project Monarch mind control and "learning their rules" and being "deprived of all his thoughts". Then it talks about how the child swears that they will never take away his (free) will. It then speaks about how he has turned into a bitter man who has tried to please them all. Then finally he decides it's a fight he cannot win and he no longer cares, and the old man prepares to die regretfully, "That old man here is me". This all seems to tell me exactly what happened to the original members of Metallica.
Metallica "The Unforgiven" lyrics (LINK)
New blood joins this earth,
And quickly he's subdued.
Through constant pained disgrace
The young boy learns their rules.
With time the child draws in.
This whipping boy done wrong.
Deprived of all his thoughts
The young man struggles on and on he's known
A vow unto his own,
That never from this day
His will they'll take away.
What I've felt,
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown.
Never be.
Never see.
Won't see what might have been.
What I've felt,
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown.
Never free.
Never me.
So I dub thee unforgiven.
They dedicate their lives
To running all of his.
He tries to please them all –
This bitter man he is.
Throughout his life the same –
He's battled constantly.
This fight he cannot win –
A tired man they see no longer cares.
The old man then prepares
To die regretfully –
That old man here is me.
JAMES HETFIELD BURNED BY PYROTECHNICS:
"On August 8, 1992, during the performance at Montreal's Olympic Stadium; several songs into Metallica's set, during the song Fade to Black, frontman and rhythm guitarist James Hetfield was accidentally burned by improper pyrotechnics forcing the band to cut their set short as Hetfield was rushed to the hospital." (VIDEO LINK)
I've long had a theory that Michael Jackson was replaced by a new body double in 1984 after his Pepsi commercial pyrotechnics disaster which badly burned him. So I made the connection that when James Hetfield was engulfed in flames in 1992 in Montreal by a pyrotechnics failure, it could have been a very good opportunity to switch him with a replacement. This is only a theory of course and I'm not sure if this was when James Hetfield was actually switched out, but as you'll see in the photo comparisons below, he clearly was replaced at some point (it seems likely it was in 1995 sometime before the recording of the album "Load" which took place May 1, 1995 – February 1, 1996). I also find it a little more than coincidental that Metallica was playing "Fade To Black" when this supposed accident took place.
Metallica "Fade to Black" lyrics (LINK)
Life it seems will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
Things aren't what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Can't stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone
No one but me, can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems, as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye (goodbye)
"LOAD" RELEASED JUNE 1996:
Load was released June 4th 1996 and was a major departure from The Black Album. The first track on he album is "Ain't My Bitch" which could be about the new Metallica members disposing of the original lineup. Load in general is a very mediocre grunge rock album that sounds literally nothing like any previous Metallica album. My theory is now that the reason the band all cut their hair and changed their facial hair around this time in their careers was to disguise the fact that they were imposters. As the evidence will show, all 4 original members of Metallica were replaced sometime around 1995 which is why Metallica has never made another good album since 1991: it's because IT'S NOT ACTUALLY METALLICA. Honestly this album is so terrible that I can't listen to it enough to go in depth on my analysis. So I'm just going to say that I find it significant that the first song of the album with Metallica 2.0 is "Ain't My Bitch" which speaks about getting rid of someone who is dragging them down who is so useless, and now it's time to say goodbye. I also find the opening lines extremely significant, "Outta my way. Outta my day. Out of your mind and into mine". This seems to be talking about how a transfer of consciousness is taking place between the old band and into the new members. Of course what this is really referring to is demonic possession.
"Ain't My Bitch" Metallica lyrics (LINK)
Outta my way
Outta my day
Out of your mind and into mine
Into no one
Into not one
Into your step but out of time
Headstrong
What’s wrong?
I’ve already heard this song before
You arrived, but now it’s time to kiss your ass goodbye
Dragging me down
Why you around?
So useless
It ain’t my fall
It ain’t my call
It ain’t my bitch
It ain’t my bitch
Down on the sun
Down and no fun
Down and out, where the hell you been?
Damn it all down
Damn it unbound
Damn it all down to hell again
THE PHOTO EVIDENCE:
The following photo comparisons on the left have photographs from 1994 and earlier, whereas the photos on the right are from 1996 and later. As you can see, all four original members of Metallica were very clearly replaced sometime in the early to mid 90's. There are major changes in the shape of the jaw of all 4 members. The smoking gun evidence is the comparisons which show Kirk Hammett and Lars Ulrich smiling. There's no explanation for why their teeth would have changed completely with five or so years. These are very clearly completely different human beings.
JAMES HETFIELD:
https://preview.redd.it/wg2ad2i3fq1d1.jpg?width=1277&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3389ce53ffa99807f87a5059956cd73c1978bd82
https://preview.redd.it/sgbcctl39q1d1.jpg?width=366&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e125f9e3a9a66ce07b03672b8fa7f489237f0cc3
https://preview.redd.it/rb1g19ngfq1d1.jpg?width=1426&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dab9b3e7d5a693b0fd4b9f763134e17866c7dccb
LARS ULRICH:
https://preview.redd.it/j8qjq5sd9q1d1.jpg?width=905&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd911c749bcbb4fc63976f5f249516595b286957
https://preview.redd.it/5924v5sd9q1d1.jpg?width=339&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d86902821831b49a4a0fdd4c1b24bebe72e22ff5
https://preview.redd.it/jnnhd5sd9q1d1.jpg?width=394&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6c22b8b9af5b73f3698b31081b03c606054eec9f
https://preview.redd.it/5wv59psd9q1d1.jpg?width=587&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a42b249338739a897327a1441a59e74cc9020a09
KIRK HAMMETT:
https://preview.redd.it/vyimilim9q1d1.jpg?width=878&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dcf51aa4e09f13a2991eb6a7ea8430ed8d25f6d6
https://preview.redd.it/wopizlim9q1d1.jpg?width=1299&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f2369dbdead7640ccae678d7d654d2a230428c2c
https://preview.redd.it/ssero3jm9q1d1.jpg?width=511&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9b8d0ab1af6bcdec05440ae8dc1baee0454aff6b
https://preview.redd.it/hds71oim9q1d1.jpg?width=585&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e2461767585c6d75e4cd9bc859802775330b0165
https://preview.redd.it/9v4ynmim9q1d1.jpg?width=706&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=df83f4918764fbedb21e2355f1296ba6918c19e1
https://preview.redd.it/vn5v0mim9q1d1.jpg?width=411&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f49fb00141b2f285b98d8dbefa1a639536a55244
JASON NEWSTED:
https://preview.redd.it/phbam2u9aq1d1.jpg?width=759&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0f3948c7c1eb1c98c502f126033ce1b102c7783b
https://preview.redd.it/d1ozm2u9aq1d1.jpg?width=558&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2093ea2eb00de9a3e67b5ebfdfa48aff12c16455
https://preview.redd.it/48sww2u9aq1d1.jpg?width=1450&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a6b2f808a063b55d77ac00bfa3f7df070f456ff4
https://preview.redd.it/5c4u24u9aq1d1.jpg?width=614&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cc220daf5d25ebaa05292addaf00a0ff4739d8c6
https://preview.redd.it/9qlld3u9aq1d1.jpg?width=442&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bbc35c849d359e1c553edf0a67bd3cd531cb929d
CONCLUSION:
Ever wondered why Metallica seems like a mediocre cover band which is trying (and failing) desperately to sound like it used to? Ever wondered why all four members of Metallica suddenly decided to cut off their iconic heavy metal long hair and started wearing eye shade and earrings? It's because THIS IS NOT METALLICA. The last album that was recorded by the original members of Metallica was The Black Album in 1991. James Hetfield and the other members of Metallica were tired of being "Whipping boys done wrong" who were "deprived of all his thoughts". They decided to tell the Illuminati, "Don't Tread On Me" with their magnum opus "The Black Album", and they unfortunately paid the ultimate price. Notice this line which is a direct reference to The Illuminati and it's All Seeing Eye, "Shining with brightness, always on surveillance. The eyes, they never close, emblem of vigilance". Metallica is literally telling The Illuminati, "Don't Tread On Me".
Don't tread on me
I said, don't tread on me
Liberty or death, what we so proudly hail
Once you provoke her, rattling of her tail
Never begins it, never, but once engaged
Never surrenders, showing the fangs of rage
I said don't tread on me
So be it
Threaten no more
To secure peace is to prepare for war
So be it
Settle the score
Touch me again for the words that you'll hear evermore
Hey
Don't tread on me
Love it or leave it, she with the deadly bite
Quick is the blue tongue, forked as lighting strike
Shining with brightness, always on surveillance
The eyes, they never close, emblem of vigilance
Ooh no, no, no don't tread on me
submitted by kiwasabi to conspiracyNOPOL [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:15 EdgarEriakha Top 3 Fastest Ways to Fame as an Entertainer in Nigeria

(Sips tea, a complete satire) Getting famous in Nigeria is really not easy! 60% of people in Nigeria are multi-talented, the other 40% are super rich and do not even need fame. The entertainment industry is getting oversaturated. The sky isn't big enough anymore 😂
Gone are the days were fame was given to those that geniuly deserve it. These days, there are patterns and cheat codes to fame as an entertainer. Funny enough you don't not need money at all to be famous 🎯
  1. Fake your death: There is a 70% change you will become famous when you act like you have died. People get to love you some more, spread your news around and inform the rest of the world the amazing things they did for you while you were alife.
  2. Go to Jail: Nigerians will hate you until you enter jail, that it when the love will come. We begin to love the criminal and blame the government for the terrible system. You hear things like, “yes he stole but do you know how much politicians steal everyday”. The moment you're out, you become a national hero and a motivation to many.
  3. Leak your sex tape: This one would shoot you straight to the top. The more skin you show, the crazier it gets. Nigerians love to talk. Just show them your body and you will become famous. They will hate you for a week or two but after that you become an influencer and a favorite of many.
Please if you know other ways, kindly drop them in the comments, lets laugh at the beautiful country together. (Proudly Nigerian by the way, say nonsense and you go collect woto-woto 😂😂).
submitted by EdgarEriakha to Nigeria [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:15 HannoPicardVI Developer and publisher Eridani Entertainment plans to release "Blue Marble", a "fun game" and an "answer to 2014's The Crew" - with a catch, it's a life sim...where you can jump out of your vehicles...and interact with the environment. Set on a 5,500 square km map, it features a campaign

Developer and publisher Eridani Entertainment - in partnership with Lightspeed Studios and Billions Stud Entertainment Network - plans to release a "fun game" and a huge answer to Ubisoft's 2014 game "The Crew", after the live service game was almost erased from the face of The Earth, to be survived by its worse descendant, The Crew 2.
"Blue Marble" is an open world action adventure game set in a stable era sometime in the 2040s. Set on a condensed map of North America (southern Canada and the lower 48), it is a little bit more than The Crew; players can actually step out of their vehicle in third person and interact with their environment.
Blue Marble is basically a lifesim, but comes with a stunning cinematic campaign story.
Lead design director Jack Paris stated, "this is the entertainment industry and consumers want fun and entertainment and for those who are bored with postapocalyptic and medieval genres and don't like being treated as if they're in prison or a third-worlder from a wartorn $$$$hole - excuse my French - or like to feel as if they're playing something made by a British alphabet agency, then Blue Marble is the game for you. If you're sick of the medieval crap or games constantly set in a postapocalyptic America, then Blue Marble is definitely for you."
Players can create their own character or just play as the stock characters - 20something year old dude Thales or dudette Trissy - as they complete the main story campaign.
Thales or Trissy or your custom character has just relocated from a postapocalyptic Great Britain, which has been destroyed and occupied by Russian forces and prepares to start a new, fun and exciting life in North America.
But things don't go according to plan as the protagonist gets caught up with biker gangs, drifters, shady organizations, dangerous racing outfits and dirty cops. So, Blue Marble is certainly more than a racing game, but a sort of "one-stop shop".
Whilst there is no concrete plan for a PC release (which could be in ten years' time or not at all), the game will be released first on PS5 and Xbox and analysts anticipate a sale of more than 300,000 units on console (digital and physical) within the first three months.
CEO of Eridani Entertainment Brogan English added, "this huge game will be released on console first. After ten years, you may see a release on PC, but that's not a concrete plan."
Blue Marble will have both an offline and online mode, with servers of up to 40 players each.
"If you don't want to play something that seems like it was created by an alphabet agency or a group of British spies, then Blue Marble is for you and if you liked The Crew 2014, then you're gonna absolutely love this. If you don't want to be treated as if you're incarcerated or you're a member of a government or an elderly person, then this game is for you. And if you are an entertainment lover and not a Russian robot, then this is a game for you."
Brogan English also added that Blue Marble will show that an open world action adventure game can have a huge map which you can interact with and doesn't have to be small or just a racing game.
"This game will separate the big studios from the small ones and will show that you don't have to be in perennial development to relese something concrete and complete."
English also added that "the map will not be a boring big world and will not have a boring feel like Star Citizen. Blue Marble has a lively and authentic feel and NPCs are active and interactive. It's set in the 2040s and isn't postapocalyptic and devs have worked hard to create a fun and exciting open world, which is why it'll be released on console first because PC players have tended to conclude that games played on PC 'lack a fun and relaxed feel' and that the more intelligent people are perceived to be, the more boring their entertainment becomes. So," English says, "just because players are perceived to possess above-average intelligence doesn't mean their entertainment should become more boring than when they were on console. So Blue Marble is all about having fun, both inside and outside of your vehicles. The map size is roughly a similar size to The Crew 2014, but this is a pure coincidence and Blue Marble's condensed map of North America is more authentic, vibrant, realistic, lively and has more NPCs in it, so it is definitely not an amateur game or game for a smaller community. And don't worry, we steered clear of UE5 because UE5 is an anti-fun, anti-gaming and anti-entertainment engine."
Eridani Entertainment predicts a regular online player base of between 50,000 and 120,000 and a lifetime revenue of between US$170m and US$260m.
submitted by HannoPicardVI to stories [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:15 coffee_consumer97 Hey gregs <3

R.E Dannys' last video
I want to preface this by saying that I have been part of Greg for many, many years. I have also been an occasional lurker on this sub for a couple years too. All this to say that I cannot overstate how much that this is coming from a place of love, and a genuine desire to see change. Danny has been such a pivotal part of my life- during the pandemic I would watch him literally 24/7, to the point where I literally have most of his videos commited to memory. I've literally grown up watching Danny, Drew, and Kurtis, which feels crazy to say. The pandemic made me miss out on so many key highschool memories and though it sounds corny to say, it would have sucked so much more had I not had Greg, and the BaddieSMP, and the virtual boy collabs that just made the general dolour of that time way happier. As I've gotten older, I really have appreciated the person that Danny is. I'm sure many people can relate, but so many of my childhood youtube idols have just turned out to be horrible, and its always felt good to know that you weren't one of them. Looking back, I know its bad to put your idols on a pedestal, but when they had such a significant, fundemental part of my growing-up, its hard not to.
I think, by now, most people know what I am going to say. And before I do, I want to say that I don't think Danny is some reprehensible, unfeeling, evil-doer. I remember how he felt so genuinely, personally affected when he realised he hurt people when he said the B slur in one of his older videos. I remember how he used his platform during the Black Lives Matter movement to uplift the voices of those hurt by police brutality and societal inequity, and to remember the name and bring posthumous justice to Breonna Taylor. And its not simply the fact that he had a Starbucks cup, or showed it in a video during an international boycott; (regardless of whether or not he knew about it) it's moreso his silence, what it represents. We are in such an interesting time of social upheaval where we are blocking celebrities and influencers for not speaking out about the situations in Palestine, Sudan, and the Congo. Its not because we think "grr youre doing the wrong thing!" or "we are yelling at you because you go against MY personal agenda!" its just, how can we enjoy funny, silly, lighthearted content, when there are people starving to death? I clicked off the video when I saw the cup, because I don't want my watchtime, and the time I spend watching ads, given to someone who will spend it to support a genocide, whether they mean to or not. I know how difficult it is to stay up to date when you have a literal child who takes up so much of your energy that you want to raise right, and spend time with before they grow up. But there are children in Gaza who are being run over with tanks, and being shot at, or who don't get to spend any time with their parents ever again, because they have been matyred.
I don't agree with the sentiments that you shouldn't HAVE to speak out about societal issues. That would be true, if you weren't someone who has constantly used their platform to promote causes for social equity and change. You have cultivated an audience who clearly cares about societal inequality and hearing your general silence on the issue feels a little bit intentional, even if you don't mean it to be. From a human standpoint, we, as a society, have a responsibility to help the people of Palestine. And if you don't, you don't get to claim that you care about people or humanity, because humanity doesn't stop just because the people being oppressed are part of a different race and or religion.
As for some of my fellow Gregs, You don't get to "choose" whether or not to support Palestine based off, admittedly, the sometimes counter-intuitive demands of those pleading for change. There needs to be more understanding from both sides. Men, women, and children, are dying in the most brutal of ways. It makes sense that people are frustrated and on edge right now- people are literally watching their family die. I can also acknowledge that if one is ill-informed about the role of creators in bringing awareness to these conflicts, that they don't see why people get so pressed about "Danny having a Starbucks cup" when we should be focusing on world leaders. But I can't just go up to Netanyahu and Biden and politely tell them to stop. We, as people, need to collocate our voices- and a way we do that, is by urging creators to bring light to this situation. When we do that, we can come together to effectively bring about change through boycotts and petitions and being united against these seemingly insurmountable world powers. Not saying anything, or relying on other people to spread things, contributes heavily to a this culture of silence. Being an ally to Palestinian people is speaking up, no matter how hard and uncomfortable and sad it is. And even if you get things wrong, you can re-educate yourself. But you can't retroactively change your silence on this issue.
I speak for many when I say that we are not mad that you weren't initially educated. But I don't know Danny, making a community announcement (that laptop users likely won't see), not making a public donation, and still keeping the video up doesn't really feel like accountability. As I stated before, Danny Gonzalez has been such a pivotal, foundational part of me growing up. I don't want to distance myself from a community I have spent years in- but if thats a part of a minor responsibility I have to do to help achieve greater social equity, then so be it. I can always watch other youtube videos; I have the freedom of choice. But the people in Palestine do not.
I, in no way, shape or form, want to cancel Danny. I'm only writing this, (instead of just blocking you on every platform, like I have done with many other influencers and celebs) because I do believe you can change. I do believe that you don't want to cause harm. But most importantly Danny, I want you to know that you really can make a difference. I know, because you have done it before.
Thank you for reading <3
submitted by coffee_consumer97 to DannyGonzalez [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:13 Flappyjacky21 Qurstionnaire answers. Help?

Hi all. Just wanted to try getting a narrowed down idea of my type. Feel free to comment your thoughts! Thanks!
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I'm a 25 year-old male. I'm a diligent student and am living away from my home country for now 9 years. Ive spent those 9 years trying to understand the way the society works here and have adapted rather well, to the point where people can't tell I'm a foreigner. I'm pretty active, although it's more so activity for the sake of activity. As such, I'm kinda fit.
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
Yes. GAD and PTSD.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
I would have fomo if I were to see everyone else that I deem as friend doing something cool on socials. Then I would become resentful. However, I myself am perfectly okay being in my own company. I prefer it. That is not to say I don't like being with my frens. I would feel refreshed but there would come a point where I would feel as if I can't bear being so alone. Especially after long periods of time. However, I am accustomed to being alone and finding the joy in it. Like I said, I would resent the very sociable folks because I felt left out
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I like activities that i can enjoy anywhere. Though i think this is because of how used to using a phone i am. Mobile gaming etc... is pretty neat. I like activities in which i can see a story unfold. Reading is one of them, iwas a huge reader as a kid. But i gravitate more so towards watching cool shows. However i much prefer shows and things that arent as popular because then people wont annoyingly yap about the surface level of the shows that we mutually have watched. Though I do like creative activities, like painting, I also like shopping and walking around. I like doing things that I feel are leading towards something grand. So, for instance, journaling and practicing a skill daily brings me some pleasure. I used to be a huge football fan until I realized how corrupt the sport was. I do like some sports though. I've always liked tossing and catching balls, playing with bouncy balls as a kid etc... I like skateboarding, though I haven't owned one in years.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
Quite curious. I'm sometimes out of touch with reality just entertaining my mental musings. I will be sat and thinking about some random topic or thing iused to hear about and then research it. I'll try to make sense of the world and the "why" behind things. For example; why do I have nightmares when it's cold? Why are xyz so unreasonable? Why am I so attached to this toy? Why don't people do instead of y? I feel like social media has influenced this process tho. Giving us random things to consume, it leads us to clicking on videos and articles that spark new interests so easily and quickly, so I'm unsure. Though I tend to want to know why certain things are happening or WHAT is happening. Especially if theres like a crown gasping at something, for instance.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
i have taken leadership positions in the past, and I did well. I much prefer to appeal to the good nature of my "teammates" and encourage them to do a good job.however, I prefer to select my team. I do not want laziness or incompetence in my crew. So I will scan my options and choose who I will team up with. If I have options that are limited to not-so-skilled individuals, I will play a leadership role and do most of the thinking. Tho I don't enjoy it.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
i'm coordinated, yeah. I actually prefer situations where I can grasp the essence of a problem and use my hands. I prefer writing over reading, so I guess I like using my hands fo effect the mediums I work with. I used to want to be like a spy who is interacting with a bunch of gadgets and mobilizing himself towards a goal. My activity is usually at my own pace. I frequently try to finish tasks ahead of schedule because I want to spend more time lazing around and doing whatever I want. I tend to seek clarity in instructions I am given and sequentially take care of each piece of the task I am given. I recently started using to do lists because the workload became HUGE. I will, however, not compromise my comfort.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
i am. I am skilled with pencil shading and line art and do pretty well with colours and aesthetics. I know what I like and try to make something that appeals to me and is objectively nice. I tend to also make pieces that resonate with myself, so things that I like. I even sought to learn to draw faces to draw myself and my friends ad fantasy characters. I'm good with visual arts but I'm also a pretty good actor. I've always excelled at making accents and role playing. I like thinking of people in terms of the archetypes they fill and even portray my friends in memes
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
The past, I have a love hate relationship with it. I made mistakes that I regret and have been through horrible things. But I do appreciate things from the past that bring me meaning. Certain flavors, sceneries, good memories. As for the present, I tend to be locked out of the present moment. I struggle to live in the moment and can seem rather weird. I think more about things than actually doing them. It feels like I play a character at any given moment for any given interaction tho. As for the future, I tend to find it weird. I want a better future and sometimes think, in a tight situation, "don't worry. Tomorrow this will be over." I love thinking that the future is open and that better days are ahead. I often wonder what it will feel like doing things ive never done. Absent of anxiety, that is. With anxiety, whole different story. "Tomorrow is bound to be worse than today" when anxious
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
i help those i'm cool with or at least neutral towards. If the individual is full of nonsense and lazy or offers no value in return, no way.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
I've been lazy all mylifr and I never stopped hearing about it. So just to prove people wrong, I will move bricks and mountains. Whichever is important to a degree of thinking "less is more". Productivity is alright too, but at my own pace ofc
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
i listen to music, journal, watch cartoons and movies, work out, walk, try to find ways to "fix" my life (my friends tell me this is what I do most), play games, try some good food, meditate (I tend to neglect this one), research interesting things, draw, accomplish a goal
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I hate classes with lots of aural input from a lecturer, If it triggers my misophonia.i prefer learning things practically. explanations will just have me needing to read more and try to focus on boring notes. Using my hands and brains is preferred. I score high in Kinesthetic for VARK tests. Oh, and visual. I prefer classes that involve logic, creativity and physical senses. I can memorize things but this is the most tedious learning style for me.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I can strategise when needed. I weigh the task up first. If the task at hand is hard, I will break it down and dedicate more energy to it. Else, I'll just do what feels right. I even ignore instructions sometimes.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
The flavour of the world feels warm, with a tinge of coldness. I would feel as if my suffering paid off and I am nowhere except where I am supposed to be. That there is no rush and no need to care of what others think about me. Where I can just do what I deem best amd find a balance between stability and adventure
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
Nightmares, hypichondriasis, overthinking, rumination, anxiety, panic, jealousy, having no autonomy
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I daydream quite a lot. But I will still feel what's around me enough to get somewhere where I can be in my head in peace. XD
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I like empty rooms, especially if they used to be lively and full of people in past events. Goes to show that no matter what happens, some things remain. I would think of what life would be like if I were to live here forever. I would also be reminded of that meme where there's just a futon, a screen, a fridge and a katana: "all men need to be happy". If the room has no windows or doors, I'd be scared. Assuming it has windows and a door, I would look outside, eventually. How big is the room? If it's a HUUUUGE empty hall, that's so cool. I'd walk around and imagine myself in some great elvish building and maybe even lie down to see the roof. I even dreamt of such a building before, hexagon shaped cross section.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I take a bloody long time to decide on anything important. For instance, i took 4 hours to decide what race my DnD character would be. Once I've made my decision, I will not regret it unless it goes wrong
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
I have always tended to act on emotion but i have been more balanced in the past 4 years. I regulate them to not make a mess and use them to deem what I will and will not tolerate in the future. I enjoy expressing them
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
No. Cause that's fake. If I don't agree, I'll just say "cool" and move on. Why talk if I'm going to say what YOU want to hear? I must say what I want to say.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
Yeah, but I often get told that what I'm doing isn't right and then I just get mad at the person that told me that. "No sir you can't wear shoes in this room" I'll think cwell, screw you too!" Besides that, I often follow the rules of any given institution well enough.
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2024.05.21 11:13 The_Way358 Essential Teachings: The Good News That God Reigns

The Scriptures seem to imply that the kingdom of God isn't exactly synonymous with what is called "the Church." The Church was a temporary eschatological community of believers that existed on earth in preparation of a kingdom where God Himself would reign, and said community had Christ reign over them in the meantime. The head of the Church was Christ, with the Father serving as his head (1 Cor. 11:3). The Scriptures teach that, when all Christ's enemies were to be made his footstool, he was to give back all authority to the Father (Psa. 110:1, 1 Cor. 15:22-28), and it is this page's belief that this happened in 70 AD.
The following quotation is from the above hyperlink:
As for the "1000 years" mentioned in Revelation, they are apocalyptic metaphor for the 40 years Christ "reigned" (triumphed) over his enemies both human and spirit, with the final triumph being the judgement of apostate Jerusalem. The "1000 years" began with his ascension, and ended with this judgement.
Thus, the community to replace the Church on earth was to be the kingdom of God. But, what even is the kingdom of God, and why did God have to reclaim authority of His own creation in the first place?
To be as succinct as possible: man sinned, and so the great level of authority God initially granted us ourselves over the creation was stripped. As a result, the human condition has suffered and it must be redeemed for God to allow us to reign with Him in the way that He originally intended for us. God has always been sovereign, of course, but He seeks the good of man to make us stewards over His world with Him, as that was His original plan and this was His original view of what a kingdom of His truly looks like: a kingdom characterized by man's love for Him and love for others.
A Biblical understanding of Adam's sin, contrary to popular thought, isn't that we are guilty of what he did personally. We simply inherit his fallen nature and a fallen world as a result of his sin, the same way a baby could leave the womb already addicted to certain substances because the mother abused said substances while pregnant. It's not the baby's fault for its condition, it was the parent's. But the baby is born with this condition and enters the world like this nonetheless.
The implication of this is that we are all only guilty of our own sins, and whether or not we ever seek to treat (or possibly cure) our condition in the first place is on us. We were dealt a bad hand due to Adam, sure, but God doesn't hold us responsible for what our forefather did. God only holds us responsible for what we do, and whether or not we seek to be liberated from the dark forces which keep us in bondage to our sinful condition (Gen. 4:6-7, Deut. 24:16, Jer. 31:30, Ezek. 18, Matt. 9:9-13).
The whole Old Testament is essentially a record of God's people constantly breaking their covenant(s) with Him. There are individuals mentioned throughout that were, of course, commended by God and the Biblical authors for their righteousness in honestly pursuing to remain faithful to their covenant with Him. But even the best of these people often faltered and, in fact, did rather heinous things in their lives at one point or another. One of the greatest examples of this is king David, who was literally called by the Scriptures "a man after God's own heart" (1 Sam. 13:14, Acts 13:22). Yet, this same man at one point committed adultery and then murdered the man he stole the wife of to try and cover it up. This was a heinous thing, and David repented of what he did with genuine sorrow and guilt toward God. God ultimately forgave him, but not without a heavy hand of chastisement and earthly consequences for his actions.
All throughout the Old Testament, you see various men of God who were deemed righteous, but these same men were usually shown to have some major flaw that prevented them from living a life that could be characterized as consistent obedience to the commandments to love God and love others as themselves. There is something deeply wrong with man's heart, according to the Bible. Something so wrong, in fact, that a whole prophecy had to be given that promised to address the issue of man's seeming incapability to accomplish fulfilling the commandment to love consistently on their own without some sort of divine help from above:
"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh."-Ezekiel 36:26
Naturalistic philosophies see the physical world as all that exists. Humans beings are the result of mindless, chance causes and processes. Humans are essentially animals – highly evolved, but no different in significance than any other living thing. Thus naturalistic views demote humans. But this view leaves a lot unexplained. Why do humans practice altruism, benevolence, or acts of heroism? And what explains acts of incredible evil? Sure, naturalistic arguments have been made that true altruism doesn't exist, and that "unconditional love" is really just an illusion that's been disguised very well by our survival instincts that we've developed over a long period of time at certain stages of our evolutionary process. However, many people have found such arguments to be unpersuasive and naive when compared to their actual experience of the world as they mature in their lives and have what they know to be truly meaningful experiences that can't simply be reduced in the way that the naturalist wishes them to be. This realization was ultimately why I transitioned from hard atheism to agnostic spiritualism at one point or another.
On the other extreme of these things, transcendental worldviews and philosophies say that the physical world is illusory. Only the spiritual world is ultimately real. Humans are an expression of the divine spirit that is the essence of all things. If naturalistic views demote humans to the level of animals, transcendental views promote human beings. God is not “out there” somewhere; we are God. God is all, thus God is us. But this view doesn’t explain real evil. Why are people selfish? Why do they hurt others? What accounts for personal acts of evil like rape or terrorism? If we are all truly "God," then why would we ever do such things to what is ultimately "ourself"? And why can't a person who practices the belief that we are all actually "God" be only loving? There are so many people who adopt this view of reality who are constantly, day by day, finding that they struggle to be as truly loving as they wish to be because they will still sometimes find themselves thinking and doing rather evil and selfish things. I can speak from experience here, remembering throwing myself into the New Age movement when I was desperately seeking what I did not know at the time was forgiveness for and redemption from my sins because of who I was as a person up until that point. I was seeking the mythic "ego death" that promised me that I could truly be loving and find the forgiveness and redemption I was searching for, because I thought that if only I truly realized I was "God" all along, I could then accomplish these things all at once and simultaneously. I eventually found even this philosophy unsatisfactory when I came to the aforementioned conclusions concerning our great capacity for evil, and also realized that forgiveness can only exist if there are two parties: forgiver and forgivee. Such a thing is impossible if there is only really one being at play at the bottom of reality, and I knew deep down that forgiving oneself (at least, on its own) will never satisfy one's pursuit for redemption that we all inherently take part in whenever pursuing to mend even our own relationships with each other as humans. Further, love would be an illusion in this philosophy too, being that there is only really one party behind and in all of existence if "everything is God." Such an idea would make true altruism a farce, as well. There would be no such thing as real sacrifice for another, because there is no "another."
The French mathematician and Christian philosopher Blaise Pascal said, “Man’s greatness and wretchedness are so evident that the true religion must necessarily teach both.” Any philosophy that cannot fully account for human greatness and human depravity at the same time should be abandoned because it misses something obvious about the human condition. The religion of the Bible has a valid explanation for human greatness: people are made in God’s image. Thus we have dignity, value, and capacity for good. The Bible also explains human evil: the image of God has been defaced by sin. Our great capacity gets used for the wrong purposes. Our creativity is placed in the service of evil and our best intentions twisted for selfish gain. Something has gone terribly wrong. While other worldviews unduly demote or promote humanity, the Bible gets the tension just right.
Thus, human nature is puzzling and conflicting. Other worldviews—both secular and religious—struggle to account for this enigma, and don't offer satisfying solutions to the problem itself. The Bible, however, explains what happened when it tells us that man rebelled against God in the paradise that was prepared for him called "the Garden of Eden." We fell into temptation and estranged ourselves from God by tarnishing the image we were created in, and now are born with a natural proclivity to do evil, despite our best efforts to do good (that is, to do good consistently).
And so, the Bible promised a solution in the prophet Ezekiel that God will literally change our natural human condition, if we simply choose to humble ourselves before Him in faith to allow for such a change. While as unbelievers our inner disposition towards God is often rebellious, we at least still have the capacity to choose to do the righteous thing in seeking God that He may change us and forgive us if we so let Him. This is one reason why Jesus, (the one who made the fulfillment of Ezekiel's prophecy even possible by his coming, sacrifice, ressurection, and outpouring of the Spirit upon his ascension), said that only faith the size of a mustard seed was required for something so miraculous as moving a mountian to happen, because so little is required from us to allow God to change us into the kind of person He's always wanted us to be, and yet changing the condition of our own heart can be compared to literally moving a mountain if we were to try and do so on our own strength alone. The mustard seed was the smallest of seeds, and yet if one simply planted it and nurtured it, it could become a bush so large that it was comparable to a tree with branches that stretched to the heavens for the very birds of the air to rest on.
It was when I came to these realizations that I prayed to God for the first time again, having been years since I did so, going so far back as to when I was a little child even. I prayed in the dead of night in my room, and asked God to show me the truth and to reveal Himself to me if indeed these things were true, and in an instant I felt His very presence in my room, and my heart was changed. To describe such an experience would be like trying to describe the taste of something to the man born without tastebuds, the color of something to the man born blind, or the sound of something to the man born deaf; there are no words, and it is only something you can know by experiencing it for yourself. Suddenly and all at once, I knew right then and there that Jesus really was who he said he was, that the one true God is the God of the Bible, and that I have been forgiven. As the time of this post, it's been 5 years since then, I'm 23 now, and I'm still walking with God.
My prayer for anyone reading this that may not know God for themselves yet is that one day, you will too.
Back to the topic at hand.
When Adam sinned, we fell under the tyranny of death, corruption, evil heavenly powers, and sin itself. When Jesus came, Jesus was the new and exalted human, the new Adam, through whom humanity could now realize their original destiny that was laid out for them in the Garden of Eden. Because Jesus, being a man, obeyed unto death, he has defeated the powers which held us so long under bondage; we are now promised liberation so long as we simply place our faith in his sacrifice to wash us of our sins and receive the Spirit of God that is also promised to all who exercise this faith.
We often think of ‘the gospel’ as the part that brings the forgiveness of sins (and of course, that is part of the idea), but ‘gospel’ is the announcement that everything has changed in the coming of Jesus and it leads us to a new kind of living.
The gospel Jesus preached and the gospel the apostle Paul preached were different, in that Jesus preached of a kingdom where God reigns directly and with all His faithful subjects as participants in that reign. The gospel Paul preached was about the exaltation and reign of Christ, and because Christ reigned, the consummation of the kingdom of God with earth could now finally take place (Col. 1:12-13). This consummation was put on hold during Christ's "millennial" reign, which transpired between his ascension and his return. However, the consummation has come to full fruition since that return.
We will be arguing for some of these claims by pointing out how central the kingdom of God actually was to Jesus' earthly ministry and message, and demonstrate what Jesus taught about how it actually looks like.
The term 'kingdom' appears 53 times in 42 places in Matthew, 17 times in 13 places in Mark, and 41 times in 29 places in Luke. When the 'kingdom' is qualified, Luke always refers to the 'kingdom of God' (32 times) and Mark follows this pattern (14 times). Matthew, on the other hand, prefers the term "kingdom of heaven" (31 times), using the phrase to refer to the same idea "kingdom of God" only four times: 12:28, 19:24, 21:31, 43.
The Gospel of Luke records an event where Jesus responds to the population that lived near Simon Peter's house who believed in him after he had done his miraculous work there, but saw that he was leaving them:
"And when it was day, he departed and went into a desert place: and the people sought him, and came unto him, and stayed him, that he should not depart from them. And he said unto them, I must preach the kingdom of God to other cities also: for therefore [i.e., for this pupose] am I sent." (vss. 42-43)
The Greek word euangelion is often translated as the word “gospel.” In the Bible, this word is always used whenever it concerns the announcement of the reign of a new king. And in the New Testament, the Gospels themselves use this word or the phrase "good news" to summarize all of Jesus’ teachings. They say he went about “preaching the gospel [good news] of the kingdom [of God]” (Matt. 4:23).
There’s this beautiful poem in the Old Testament, and it’s in chapter 52 of the Book of Isaiah. The city of Jerusalem had just been destroyed by Babylon, a great kingdom in the North. Many of the inhabitants of the city have been sent away into exile, but a few remained in the city, and they’re left wondering, "What happened? Has our God abandoned us?" This was because Jerusalem was supposed to be the city where God would reign over the world to bring peace and blessing to everyone.
Now, Isaiah had been saying that Jerusalem’s destruction was a mess of Israel’s own making. They had turned away from their God, become corrupt, and so their city and their temple were destroyed. Everything seemed lost. But the poem goes on. There is a watchman on the city walls, and far out on the hills we see a messenger. He’s running towards the city. He’s running and he’s shouting, “Good news!” And Isaiah says, “How beautiful are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings [news]” (vs. 7a). The feet are beautiful because they’re carrying a beautiful message. And what’s the message? That despite Jerusalem’s destruction, Israel’s God still reigns as king, and that God's presence is going to one day return with His city, take up His throne, and bring peace. And the watchmen sing for joy because of the good news that their God still reigns (vs. 10).
Jesus saw himself as the messenger bringing the news that God reigns. Jesus also claimed to be the Son of man. This was Jesus' favorite self-designation, being used some 80 times in the Gospels. Notice, not just a son of man, but the Son of Man. Jesus was directing our attention to a vision described by the prophet Daniel:
"I saw in the night visions, and, behold, one like the Son of man came with the clouds of heaven, and came to the Ancient of days, and they brought him near before him. And there was given him dominion, and glory, and a kingdom, that all people, nations, and languages, should serve him:"-Daniel 7:13-14a
At Jesus' trial, the Jewish high priest accused Jesus: "Art thou the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed [God]?" His answer left no room for doubt. "I am: and ye shall see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven." (Mark 14:61-62). Because Jesus' was rejected and killed for threatening the power the religious authorities had over the people, the consummation of God's kingdom with earth had been put on hold until all of Christ's enemies would be put under his feet after his ressurection and ascension.
But again, what is the kingdom of God? What does it look like exactly?
Well, the way that Jesus described God’s reign surprised everybody. I mean, think about it. A powerful, successful kingdom needs to be strong, able to impose its will, and able to defeat its enemies in physical combat. But Jesus said the greatest person in God’s kingdom was the weakest, the one who loves and who serves the poor (Matt. 23:11-12). He said you live under God’s reign when you respond to evil by loving your enemies, and forgiving them, and seeking peace (Matt. 5). To us, this is an upside-down kingdom. But to God, it's right-side up. This was what God had originally planned for us: a kingdom where God reigns in our hearts.
"Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."-John 3:3
Jesus was being quite literal here. You can’t see the kingdom until you’re born again and have the life of that kingdom. When you’re born again, you start 'seeing' differently. You see what others don’t see, you hear what others don’t hear, you know what others don’t know. And yet you may be physically in the same earthly location as they.
The kingdom of God is the totality of God’s influence that covers the world and heaven. It’s everywhere, but its manifestation isn’t everywhere. It manifests on earth wherever there are those who are born again and live as if God reigns in their hearts.
Before Jesus, John the Baptist announced to all people, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand!” (Matt. 3:1-2), as he saw a soon coming kingdom of God that would be ushered in by the Messiah. Notice that John the Baptist didn’t say that something “like” the kingdom would come and he didn’t say that the real kingdom might be thousands of years away. He said over and over that THE kingdom was at hand! Do you believe him? Did God inspire him to give a clear and accurate message or a mistaken one? If we dare to believe him, things might become surprisingly clear, simple and exceedingly optimistic.
"Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven."-Matthew 6:10
Jesus taught his followers of his generation to pray that God's kingdom come and that His will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Why pray for something that will just inevitably come by force, unless it was actually through our willing participation? That is, unless God's will is carried out through us "in earth, as it is in heaven"?
"Now after that John was put in prison, Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God, And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel."-Mark 1:14-15
It's very telling that these are the very first words the Gospel of Mark chooses to record Jesus as saying.
The kingdom is NOT something to wait for. Jesus says the kingdom is NOT something visible, and it is NOT something in the sky. The Kingdom Jesus taught is a spiritual reality that comes into the world through us. Considering that Jesus even said the kingdom was in and among the Pharisees in Luke 17, which seems almost offensive to consider, perhaps it is like a spiritual seed that has been planted inside each of us, and that activating faith in God makes it grow.
"Then said he, Unto what is the kingdom of God like? and whereunto shall I resemble it? It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and waxed a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it."-Luke 13:18-19
Jesus talked about the kingdom as if it would be a present reality, yet one that was growing in the world like a seed grows into a tree.
"And again he said, Whereunto shall I liken the kingdom of God? It is like leaven, which a woman took and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened."-Luke 13:20-21
To Jesus, the kingdom was something growing in us like yeast through dough, increasing in effectiveness.
"For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost."-Romans 14:17
"For the kingdom of God is not in word, but in power."-1 Corinthians 4:20
Paul says the kingdom isn’t something you taste or touch like physical food. It’s not even saying the right words. But rather the kingdom comes in the realities of righteousness, peace, joy and power that flavor our lives when we live empowered by the Spirit of God and God's Spirit in us.
Since Jesus the Messiah returned only 40 years after his earthly ministry, putting all enemies under his feet, the complete consummation of earth with the kingdom of heaven has finally taken place.
The kingdom of God has come, and it continues to come through us as believers. It makes progress like light shining into the world and dispelling the darkness.
"Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."-Matthew 5:14-16
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2024.05.21 11:12 Rutherhood I’ve backed out of unpaid work, is that okay?

M21 living in UK
Hello fellow actors and creatives. So as a brief background. I’m a professionally trained, equity and spotlight registered actor and I’ve done numerous indie films, some paid and some unpaid. I’ve certainly ‘paid my dues’ by doing unpaid student films and indie films and extra roles in the past, all to gain experience etc.
I’m now at a level where I am talking with some of the best agents in my region for acting work. I have a few interested in signing me so I’m awaiting further talks with them. I’m definitely ready for the next step in my career and would easily hold my own on tv or in a feature film.
So, onto the actual story.
I was recently cast as the lead in an unpaid, completely improv project that I initially said yes to (as in the past I have actually done a completely improv film, but I was paid £200 a day for that)
However, where as with the last film I had the chance to work closely with the directors to rehearse and talk about character and background with a really fleshed out action script (the script was just actions and themes and we had to improvise the dialogue) whereas this project has a very bare bones action script and the director wants to do NO PREPARATION OR TALKS WITH THE ACTORS. I had to twist their arm so they would even set up a singular conversation about it.
I have confidence in my own ability as an actor but I don’t have confidence in the director here. I feel they’re asking me to basically do their job for them. And for absolutely no pay and multiple days of filming I decided to back out. I have to think about my image and if the director decides to submit it to a film festival, I could be on screen looking a lot worse than I’m capable of because of the way the whole piece has been handled.
I’m trying to have more faith in my decisions like this as I’ve been told, “it’s okay to say no and back out of things if you don’t want to do them” by an industry professional that has mentored me. I’m also quite proud of myself for being true to what I think.
Any thoughts or advice on backing out of work especially unpaid work that sets off your bad intuition?
Thanks x
TL;DR I backed out of an unpaid completely improv indie film because the director seems clueless. Is that okay?
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2024.05.21 11:12 childfallhazard I still have your striped shirt.

I often forget that I even still have it. Some days I even consider getting rid of it since its been years since we've really spoken. I know we talked a few months ago and it was mainly so I could get closure and cut ties for good, but I honestly regret it. I don't want to regret it because I know you're doing better. I'm doing better. Why change that?
I won't lie and say I don't miss you, because I do. I miss you because you were my best friend. I miss you because you could always crack a smile and make a joke out of anything. I miss you because you remind me of all the old bands that I can't listen to anymore without that longing desire to be in your car blasting tunes again. I miss you because it didn't matter what we talked about, or if we talked at all.
When I finally flew out to see you, I felt like I was finally home. I didn't have such an unbearable weight on my shoulders, I didn't worry about what others thought of me, or what my family issues were because you were there. I was able to actually be in your arms and be in the moment for the first time in my life. I just cant forgive myself for ruining our whole thing. Ten whole years of us. On or off we still relied on each other so heavily. At the end of the day there was still some form of us.
I'm sorry, I wish we could just go back to that waffle house the morning I had to go back to Seattle. I know there's nothing I can do to change the past, but I still want to say I'm sorry, Josh. I just wish there was something I could do.
submitted by childfallhazard to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:10 Stylish_aesthetic My love letter to younger me / breakup letter to the Bahais :)

I'd like to share a lengthy and self-indulgent note about my history with the Baha'i community and the impact it had on my family and me. It's worth noting that I'm sharing this using a throwaway Reddit account that I generally reserve for browsing porn. I find funny to imagine a Baha'i apologist reading this, becoming angry and judgmental, and then, investigating my profile and ending up jerking off. With that said, let's dive into my story.
I want to share my experience in case it resonates with someone else, a lot of the stories on this Reddit helped me, and perhaps my story will give some comfort to someone else. It has taken me a while to write this down, and I'm glad I finally got around to doing it.
My parents emigrated from their homeland for reasons of principle and value. Upon their arrival, they were greeted by Baha'is who met them. And so, lovebombed and lavished with love, praise, and celebration for moving countries due to values that they portrayed as being closely aligned with the Baha'i faith, my parents fell for this validation and worked very hard once they became Baha'is in the mid-1980s.
My dad got rid of all of his whiskies, and swiftly, my parents began hosting potlucks and fireside chats, diligently working to integrate into the Baha'i ecosystem. Back then, the atmosphere was fairly light-hearted, with devotional gatherings, prayers, and a somewhat 1960s-esque hippie vibe. There was live guitar music, and joss sticks.
However, I remember Baha'i classes having an interesting edge. We were taught that Buddhists were not following a religion but merely a way of life, and that Hindus had become pantheistic because they had lost the core of their faith and religion, which had become corrupted over time. Thanks to Google, I can discover that yes indeed, this is from Lights of Guidance.
There was a significant emphasis on the importance of gender equality and the oneness of humanity – because, hey, the eighties. I feel sad there isn't anything anymore about the Virtues project - even if the Virtues project was sort of framed like it was created by Bahais.
Even in the 1980s, there was an overwhelming atmosphere that the key to being a good Baha'i was how you presented yourself rather than your actual behaviour. I recall learning an apocryphal tale of a young Baha'i who, while fasting, participated in an aerobics class and nearly fainted (yeah, aerobics, this is a real 80s fable), but was told by another Baha'i to prioritize representing the faith well over completing the fast because *it looked bad*. From a very early age, I learned the importance of putting the right face forward.
My parents then took their relationship with the Baha'i faith to the next level and volunteered at the World Centre in Haifa. As a child, this was a pretty interesting experience. I was suddenly immersed in the Iranian, or rather, Persian community, with its strong culture of martyrdom. Even as a child, every event seemed to feature graphic videos depicting young kids being taken from their homes. It was quite frightening, and I remember being afraid.
I also recall a strong sense of hierarchy within the community. My family lived in a small apartment with a very old, busted-up car from the 1970s, while others resided in nice homes with pleasant views and drove nice cars. I attended a local Israeli school, which was a cultural experience in itself, while my peers my age went to the much fancier American school. It's important to note that, at this point, the conversation about the "great catastrophe" – two-thirds of the world's population dying, leading to a period of peace and the entry by troops – was a prevalent topic openly discussed at the World Centre.
We completed our stint there, even living through the Gulf War. Upon returning to my birth country, my parents chose to live in places with smaller Baha'i communities, as they wanted to support and help establish Local Spiritual Assemblies. Things had changed by this point, not only because I was a teenager but also because the community itself had transformed. There was a significant Iranian presence everywhere, and the focus had shifted heavily towards rules, especially those related to sex, drinking, and drug use. There was also a huge emphasis on financial contributions to the faith, and it was the first time I began to see a somewhat materialistic outlook within the community.
As a preteen and teenager, I engaged in activities like dropping off flyers in mailboxes and soliciting strangers to talk about this great new religion, all in the name of “teaching”. I joined the local choir and sang, inspired by a crush I had on a girl there. This was probably the golden time of the community, with the choir doing outreach and a balance between Western and Iranian believers.
However, things began to accelerate. The Ruhi Institute and teaching became significant focal points. I was encouraged to bring a good friend of mine to a Baha'i camp, and once there, I was pressured to ask him to convert. It was very uncomfortable.
This Reddit loves cringe stories, so here is a winner: I had a birthday party with my non-Baha'i friends, and two older Baha'i girls attended. One of the girls ended up stalking my friend, showing up at his workplace and calling him at home with sexually suggestive comments. The matter was escalated to the Local Spiritual Assembly, but instead of talking to me about it, they basically ended my friendship with this kid. To me, this somehow captures so much of what it was like to be a Baha'i child and how Baha'i adults treat children to this day.
When I turned 15, I signed up for Baha'i membership because it was the expected thing to do. However, by the time I was in my early 20s and studying at university, I had started to interact more with the local, real-world community. This might seem like a small thing, but it was actually quite significant. You see, my parents had always felt a little bit on the outside compared to the average person on the street around them. This sense of elitism was really exacerbated by being a Baha'i because Baha'is would walk around in a cloud of self-assurance, looking at us and thinking, "We don't do drugs. We've got all the answers and solutions, not like you." That was pretty much the attitude. It felt very socio-economic, with a lot of judgment towards working-class people. When the Iranians arrived, the cultural judgments grew even stronger.
But I was working in restaurants and learning about booze from bartenders. I had gotten to know real people. I had lost my virginity, and all that Bahai jazz seemed so much less relevant. I hardly even noticed when the year 2000 arrived without the predicted apocalypse, entry by troops, or any of the other anticipated events. Life went on. I lived in another country and met a girl, and we lived together.
Here is cringe story #2: my girlfriend /fiancé and I hosted a Bahai couple from my hometown. Despite being in my late 20s and engaged, and even though I hosted this gentleman in my house and helped him with his preparations for his business and presentations in the country where I lived, he reported to the Local Spiritual Assembly that I was living with a woman and we weren't married. It was absolutely amazing. The level of judgment still grosses me out.
I started to reflect on what the religion had meant to me and saw how it had changed. The obsession with fundraising was becoming ever more strident and panicked. The gaps in the actual scriptural logic of the religion were becoming more exacerbated as real-world problems still ran rife, and real-time discussions on social media brought these issues to light. It took me a while to start really digging into it, and it was only much later, when I started therapy, that I realized I needed to formally resign from the religion.
Looking back, it's astonishing how this religion, which professes to have such blind equality between the genders, as if other religions have some kind of hardwired sexism, actually had hardwired sexism in how the Universal House of Justice operates. A religion that taught the oneness of humanity, as if all humanity is equal and other religions don't recruit from anyone they can find, places divisors. Although of course, Bahai’s can’t recruit from Israeli Jews, so much for oneness of humanity. But this religion has taught that all humanity is equal, unless, of course, you're gay. Then you can't get married, let alone have sex.
There are other principles I haven't touched on, such as non-involvement in politics, unless it involves things happening to Baha'is or politics in Iran. The principle of independent investigation of the truth doesn't seem to work if you might investigate something that's not in line with the Baha'i perspective. The idea of a universal language? I don't really see any evidence that they're even really thinking about that one. The unity between science and religion? A religion that only allows men to sit on its senior board of a global theocracy probably isn't going to jive with a contemporary scientific perspective…. I mean, apparently you don't need a penis to be a man anymore, right?
In between these moments are my colorful memories of random things, like endless discussions about the boundaries of physical intimacy, people getting married at the age of 16 because they had exemptions for being Persian, and meeting Ms. Khanoom in Israel, feeling some sadness that the lone woman who at least brought some feminine energy to the World Centre is now gone, replaced by 12 boring men.
I've had conversations with my wife where I tried to explain what Baha'is actually do. She just wonders why they aren't doing stuff like normal religions do, like reading to the elderly or supporting schools for the disabled. I explain that's not the target demographic. I remember a wealthy man brought to firesides who obviously nobody else wanted to listen to, but we all sat around and applauded him like he was a great ukulele player and a clever man. He pointed out a hilariously Iranian man who was an alternative healer, and they got into a debate about modern medicine. The wealthy man said, "Well, you should see my daughter and what she studied. She studies Law." And then quickly changed the subject when asked about her name since I studied at the same Law school. Here's this man who's self-aware enough to join the adoration of his crowd but doesn't want his daughter mixed up in it in any way. Absolutely hilarious. Make that cringe story #3.
This reflection was sort of sparked when my wife and I discovered that the writings attributed to Rumi, which Baha'is often quote, is the same guy who started the Whirling Dervishes. We read about Rumi and I realized just how different he is from Baha'u'llah. Rumi wrote poetry, but he didn't pretend to be a prophet of God. He was just offering a different dynamic for how to interpret spirituality. He didn't say he was part of some sort of cycle. There's something beautiful about that simplicity. And needless to say, Rumi lived long before the Baha'is ever started.
It makes me wonder, will anyone ever watch the equivalent of a whirling dervish dance for the Baha'is?
The obsession with appearances sounds like a joke, but it isn't. It wasn't for me. Some bad stuff happened to me on my trip to Israel. When we got there, my parents didn't understand why I was so upset about everything. It was a culture shock, attending a government school, not speaking Hebrew, and being together with Russian kids who got beaten up in the toilet. It wasn't a very good time for me.
So, I was sent to counsel with a local Israeli counselor. After several sessions, she instructed that I had to sit down with my parents and tell them what I needed to tell them, particularly about the shadow that had come over me since coming to Israel. My parents were enraged when I said, “I wish we never became Bahai”.
And so, we returned from the Holy Land and moved to a tiny community that was struggling to get members. To this day, my parents are still members. I've resigned so I'm never dubbed a "covenant breaker." I'm pretty sure my parents know that I resigned because they literally never raise the topic of the Baha'i faith with me. I wish the religion had some interesting cosmology, something mystical, some interesting new take on the universe, or provided my family with tools to handle being migrants or raising teenagers. At the very least, it could have given us a common language we could have used to bond together. It did none of that.
But to be fair, if it wasn't the Baha'is, some other rinky-dink cult would have love-bombed my parents back in the 1980s. Of course, it would have been so much more fun if it had featured more sex and drugs 😊
submitted by Stylish_aesthetic to exbahai [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:10 ANewPrometheus Starset has some of the greatest lyrics ever written.

Starset has got to have some of the most intellectual and poetic lyrics I've ever heard from any band. Honestly, if you listen to a good amount of their songs, it begins to become apparent, but I want to highlight the BEST example.
Other Worlds Than These, Verse 2:
"Closed up minds are hearty seeds, So plant yourself a gallows tree."
This one is long, so bare with me. A 'hearty seed' is the same thing as a 'potent seed', meaning that this seed is very effective, and "closed up minds are hearty seeds", so a Closed Mind is a Potent Seed.
A gallows tree is what a tree that was used to hang people in execution is referred to as. If a Closed Mind is a Hearty Seed, and you're planting a Gallows tree, then you are causing your own demise by being closed minded.
"Bury your head so you won't see, The truth you hide is the truth you seek."
When you bury your head (your closed mind, aka, the hearty seed), you are sealing yourself off from the perception of what is truly around you. And in your attempt to find a solution, while being closed minded, you are blinding yourself to the answer, while simultaneously "planting the seed".
"Feed it fiction and lies, Oh how it grows, The roots are all shallow."
If you feed this metaphorical seed "fiction and lies", then as this "closed mind" develops, the "roots will be shallow", implying that your thoughts can only be surface-level, because they are based on a false reality.
"Hide yourself up inside. And on it goes, Reaping from the cell you sow."
To "reap what you sow" means to face the consequences of your own actions. So by hiding yourself inside the "cell you sow", you are forced to face the consequences of closing your mind off to the truth, and becoming a prisoner in your own mind.
PHEW, that was a lot. But god damn, that is one of the deepest lines I have ever heard in a song EVER, and it truly reads like poetry. This quality of writing is on a complete other level from the type of songs that I hear on the radio and what is most popular, and I WISH lyrics out there were as beautiful and creative as these.
I think what really sets lyrics like these apart, is there are MILLIONS of ways to say these things in much less interesting ways. But they went out of their way to create a creative way to write a common narrative, and it proves how far they're willing to go to write good songs.
Thank you all for reading, and please share your thoughts in the comments. I'd love to hear what you think of this.
submitted by ANewPrometheus to Starset [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:10 AyyGM Gathering Tool Changes and Evolutions

After the recent update, I'm finding the resource-gathering mechanic a lot better overall. But I still think a few changes could make the system even better.
  1. How would you guys feel if the game gave you the option to change your gathering tools in the fountain room between game areas?
It would let you change up what kinds of resources you could find on your run, letting you find a wider variety and focus more on what you are looking for. Say you have one specific upgrade or incantation on your Forget-me-not (a system I love btw) and you have enough of one mining resource but you need a planted one. Well, no problem just swap them over after beating a boss.
  1. In-run and pre-run upgrades on the tools.
There are certain boons that give you extra health or well of Charon upgrades that give you more materials, and there is an upgrade system for them. But they feel hard to play into and don't offer all that much to your run. Maybe they could be another slot that could get its own boons and upgrades like the pickaxe could give you bonus melee damage and the fishing rod could give you mana upgrades.
  1. An extension of what you can do with the resources - what will come in
I've been playing the game like mad and have completely run out of things to spend most of my resources on, while I know the game is still early into the early-access development process I'm really keen to spend more of my mountain of unusable resources. But what kinds of things do you think we will be able to spend our resources on going forward? Will it be mainly cosmetic-based similar to the original Hades? Or do you think there will be more gameplay-focused options?
I love the addition to the game and as someone with hundreds of plastic saved up, I am curious about what direction we think Supergiant will take with this mechanic. What do y'all think?
submitted by AyyGM to HadesTheGame [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:08 eveofthefruit My parked car was hit

I was working on one of my cars in a parking lot at a shop store. I had my other parked car with in lines and that's the one that was hit. I did get hysterical because who wouldn't? It's a 88 classic mint condition low milage car. I have owned it for two months. Some guy came around the corner not caring to check and backed right into my car with no one in it. His friend threatened to hit me a multitude of times. I have on recording him threatening to send his sister over and beat me up on top of footage of him laying his hands on his gf. His gfs mom lied and said that's her son. Looked then up on Facebook so I can know names and figure out who this kid is and that's how I found out he's just the boyfriend. I attempted to ask for the money with the mom saying the judge will decide. He has no insurance no plates and also was cited for hitting a parked car. Thankfully I have someone who has footage over everything. As I will not say who or where I got it from in case those people see this post. It's 500 for my deductible and probably a good two grand to fix. Was going to get it ready for a car show this summer but that's out of the equation now. What is your opinion? What should I do?
submitted by eveofthefruit to Insurance [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:08 SwaeGatti Question to followers of this beef who are African-American

Does the culture vulture/colonizer thing actually bother you about Drake? Did Kendrick's disses elaborating this stuff leave a bad taste in your mouth about Drake? And also the N-word stuff, do you feel the same way Kendrick does? I know Kendrick feels a lot more strongly about the word than, let's say, Tyler the Creator does, who has said he doesn't care when anyone from any race says it. So I'm sure there are plenty of different opinions from the Black community regarding this.
Genuinely curious, I'm a brown guy who has never stepped foot outside of Asia lol so I have no cultural or racial context.
submitted by SwaeGatti to KendrickLamar [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 11:07 CringeyVal0451 Maple Walnut Pie

Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and he would have probably broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did with to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
Dennis was shifting uncomfortably. I extended my hand. “Nice to meet you. I know your date from Into the Woods. I bet she could tell you some entertaining stories about that show...” Flo laughed out loud, well aware of the many misadventures to which I'd referred. Of course, she might have been laughing because Dennis never, ever listened to anyone else's stories. He was too busy telling, re-telling, slightly altering, and exaggerating his own.
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Me: Oh, you’ve heard of me? Small world! You guys picked a great night to come here. They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely!
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! Nice to meet you, Denny. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled uncontrollably.). You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show.
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently, he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!
submitted by CringeyVal0451 to ReddXReads [link] [comments]


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