Am about to turn 30 this November. In-hand salary is 84k working in central govt., no under the table money. Started investing in sip around 27k monthly and some times buying stocks like ireda, tata motors, etfs, sgbs (currently portfolio of 3lakhs) From last 4 months plus what ever I save at the end of month I put it in stocks and indexes. Plse guide me more effective ways to invest. And I strongly believe in "don't let relatives or friends or even family members know the portfolio valuation and where and how much we have invested". My relatives assume that I get lots of under the table money and keep on guessing my salary🤣.

I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.

My wife is an Underwriter (field/production) for a monoline commercial carrier, and her company is expanding into Illinois. She potentially has an opportunity to open the state as the only underwriter for the time being. The position involves a pretty significant amount of travel. We're trying to do some research into the market in the area to determine what kind of salary she should be asking for and thought we might see if anyone here has any insights. We're currently in a much smaller area with a much lower cost of living, so it's a bit murky.
She has ten years of experience and an MBA. Based on her company's salary table, the range for Chicago could be anywhere from $100k-$200k, so not a lot of help there. The 50th percentile is a little less than $150k (which of course makes sense). Underwriters in her company don't have any financial incentive for new business written, so aside from annual bonuses, the stated salary is it.
If anyone here has any insight into what kind of salary range is typical for her role and experience, we would really appreciate it.
Edit: apparently her title isn't super commonly use. Her company has 4 tiers of underwriter. She's the highest (2 above senior underwriter).

I am an entry-level tech candidate, who had been struggling to find a role for a year now. The last company I interviewed at saw potential in me as a junior (UX) product owner and offered me a role. It's not something that I had considered previously, but many people think I'll be good at it as I have coding skills, am detail orientated but can see the bigger picture, good at risk assessment and am interested in UX/UI/Design (on top of frontend dev - which I originally applied for). I also have experience in client-facing digital marketing, and am interested in business strategy.
But here is why I hesitate: I often fumble my words, previously had social anxiety (3 years ago), I am an introvert who choses to sit alone in the corner, I get overly stressed out trying to figure out which restaurant to choose to meet up with friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm not terrible at talking to people, nor am I antisocial. I'm not good at initiating conversations in social settings but can ask a colleague for important work. My social battery wears out VERY quickly and I like to make the right decisions for everyone. Confidence is the main issue, and I am worried that a role that completely relies on these skills while drain me quicker than usual.
As for the role and the company itself: fintech, potential to move into different roles in the future. Location and salary is acceptable. For someone who has not had income for a year, I'm not in the position to say no really, but also want to prioritise mental health. Reasons why they thought I'd be good is my coding skills, user-first mindset, experience in digital marketing.
Do you think decision making and communication is something a junior can build up if they can bring other things to the table, or it's genuinely something they kind need to be good early on?

I’ve been at my current pest control job for 3 months now. During the training process, my manageboss randomly asked me if I’m religious, to which I said “Yes I’m Christian”. Then proceeded to ask if I “Believe in Jesus” to which I said “Yes” and he responded “That’s good”.
With him being the only manageboss at the company, I expected him to keep inviting me to his church, but he’s only invited me twice. The other 3 employees in the company are also Mormon.
Yesterday I stopped by his house to pick up my paycheck, and he let me know he had “New Elders over for dinner to celebrate with my family”, and asked if I would stay for dinner, but I felt like I had no other choice but to say yes. Now we’re sitting at the table talking and my boss tells the Elders “Would you guys mind giving us a lesson”, so they pulled out the Mormon bible and some pamphlets then asked me to choose one.
I picked a card and then scanned the QR code on it which pulled out up verse, and they asked me to read the entire page. I did so and then the whole thing turned into a bible study.
Fast forward 30 minutes and the Elders asked for my number so they can text me later to talk about the verse I read. So I give it to them. Today they texted me again asking if I had time to reflect on the verse but I didn’t respond back.
My biggest fear is since they’re close to my boss they might tell him I’m ignoring them or whatever else, and I’ll end up losing my job. I really need a job right now because it’s hard to go anywhere else.
Does anyone else have experience with this sort of situation and have any advice to give? I’m actively applying to other jobs and hoping I don’t lose my current job before that happens.
(Also I forgot to add the job bulletin my mangeboss had online lied about the salary when I spoke with him. It said $1900 and at the interview he told me $1650. Then when I signed the employee agreement it said I agree to a salary of $1650 per paycheck… but my actual paycheck is only $1350 so he lied three times.)

It’s been a week so I feel like it’s alright to post, knowing I’ve calmed down a bit.
I’ll try to keep this short and concise. We’ve worked on some boundaries with our in laws, primarily my MIL. She is narcissistic and feeling quite out of control knowing her kids are all out on their own aka she is an empty nester and widow. I suspect she has an enmeshment issue with by husband, by alas that’s for a different post.
A very lovely Mother’s Day brunch was planned at a restaurant downtown. Now to give you an idea, MIL has lived here her entire life just like us. She is no stranger to downtown. In fact, she visits regularly for restaurants, shows and concerts along with theatre.
We’re not in a huge city…275,000 population.
Husband, myself, BIL and his girlfriend all arrive on time. We chat and set up the table a bit, as there were flowers and gifts for MIL.
About 20 minutes pass by and the brothers are trying to text MIL to ensure she’s okay. MIL walks in and gets to the table.
Immediately bursts out crying. And I mean not the “oh, wow this is so sweet” cry - I mean yowling. Folks are looking at us, waitress walks away sheepishly.
We all exchange looks as that threw us all right off. We ask what’s the matter and if everything is alright.
MIL responds without missing a beat, citing she dislikes downtown and couldn’t find parking. And that the only parking she found was $20. And she’s still wailing. Like loud enough that we officially look like we’re having a problem.
Note: This is weird as my husband actually has her salaried (she plays a small role in the company) so $20 is affordable to her. We know this for a fact.
Mentally, I’m rolling my eyes. She knows this restaurant is husband and I’s favourite and that we’ve been trying to bring her down to enjoy it with us for some time. We even thought the menu was perfect for her love of seafood etc.
A lot of thought went into this and I feel so disturbed that she had a meltdown. Some blame was pushed around and ultimately, it was set on me for arranging the get together downtown at that specific restaurant.
What a wild ride, give it to me straight. What could I have done better?

In the ever-evolving landscape of modern business, companies face a critical choice when it comes to rewarding and motivating their key talent.

The debate between adopting traditional token distribution models and embracing Synthetic Equity with deferred cash payments based on performance continues to shape the compensation strategies of organizations worldwide. This expository essay aims to shed light on this important decision-making process, offering insights into the advantages and pitfalls of each approach.

Token Distribution:

Pros:

1. Immediate Ownership: Token distribution provides immediate ownership, aligning team members with the project’s success from the outset.
2. Strong Incentive: Tokens are potent incentives, as their value can soar if the project prospers.
3. Transparency: Blockchain-based tokens often offer transparency and traceability in ownership and transactions.
4. Avoiding Ownership Dilution: Tokens allow companies to avoid diluting their cap tables.
5. Payment Efficiency: Salaries and performance-based bonuses in token form can conserve cash reserves, with employees seeking liquidity in the market.

Cons:

1. Market Volatility: Token values can be highly volatile, creating uncertainty for team members.
2. Limited Liquidity: Token liquidity constraints make converting tokens into cash challenging.
3. Tax Implications: Transferring token value can trigger income tax obligations.
4. Legal and Regulatory Compliance: Issuing tokens, especially in countries like the US, often involves legal, financial, and administrative hurdles.
5. Access to Top Talent: High-caliber talent may be hesitant to accept tokens due to market volatility.

Synthetic Equity:

Pros:

1. Performance-Driven: Synthetic Equity and deferred cash payments link rewards directly to individual or team performance, fostering a strong work ethic.
2. Predictable Rewards: Cash payments offer stability and predictability compared to volatile tokens.
3. Flexibility: Synthetic Equity and cash incentives can be customized to align with specific performance metrics and goals.
4. Avoiding Ownership Dilution: Tokens allow companies to avoid diluting their cap tables.
5. Value for Investors: High-performing organizations often deliver greater value to shareholders.
6. Utility Token: Synthetic Equity tokens, being a derivative of work, carry no inherent value, making them utility tokens with fewer legal implications.
7. Bottom-Line Impact: Additional payments are derived from bottom-line growth, directly rewarding employees for business expansion.
8. Tax Implications: Specify payouts such as “time certain” and separation of service, all of which are 100% compensation expense for tax purposes. Have the lowest predictable cost to the company based on after- tax cash flow.

Cons:

1. Performance management system set up: Synthetic Equity requires strong expertise in establishing performance management and incentive structures.
2. Delayed Ownership: Synthetic Equity lacks the immediate ownership associated with tokens.
3. Administrative Complexity: Implementing and managing a comprehensive incentives program can be administratively intricate.

SyntheticEquity.io combines innovative compensation strategies designed to simulate the value of actual equity shares.
Synthetic Equity offers an alternative to the traditional token issuance model, integrating performance management seamlessly. It aligns stakeholder and shareholder interests, encourages innovation, and rewards high performance. Furthermore, it addresses a common challenge faced by startups—creating and measuring key performance indicators (KPIs). Our unique performance plan methodology enhances teamwork, promotes a healthier work environment, and ensures individual productivity by emphasizing collective success.
Synthetic equity is ideal for companies committed to thriving and nurturing top talent. Individuals who meet their KPIs are rewarded, while those failing to contribute positively to the business unit’s performance forfeit part of their compensation.
The decision between token distribution and Synthetic Equity hinges on an organization’s objectives, risk tolerance, and the preferences of founders and team members. Some organizations may choose a combination of both to balance immediate ownership and performance-based incentives. Legal, regulatory, and tax considerations, as well as project dynamics, must be carefully weighed. Consulting with legal and financial experts can prove invaluable in crafting an effective and compliant compensation strategy.
Synthetic equity is a powerful tool for attracting, retaining, and rewarding top talent, especially in owner succession planning. However, many business owners and advisors possess only a rudimentary understanding of synthetic equity and its design. This essay defines synthetic equity, explores its appropriateness for specific capital and tax structures, illustrates its flexibility and benefits in owner succession, and showcases its potential through a compelling case study.
Synthetic equity, unlike traditional equity plans, is a compensation approach that grants executives and contract-based employees the right to a defined portion of enterprise value without requiring them to invest their own capital. It offers exceptional versatility and can be tailored to meet specific criteria related to who receives what, when, and under what conditions in terms of value sharing.
Outlined below are six fundamental examples of synthetic equity programs:

1. Phantom Stock:
   • An executive is entitled to a percentage share of the company’s value. (For example, Joe holds 5% of the company’s value expressed as phantom stock.)
2. Phantom Stock Over an Owner’s Threshold:
   • An executive has the right to a percentage share of the company’s value beyond an initial fixed threshold value or formula. (For instance, Joe has 5% of the company’s value above $10 million.)
3. Stock Appreciation Rights (SARs):
   • Executives are granted the right to share in a set percentage of the company’s value exceeding its value at the time of the grant—similar to employee stock options. (For instance, Joe has 5% of the company’s value above the current valuation of $20 million.)
4. Value Band Plans:
   • Executives are entitled to a graduated percentage share of the company’s value based on predetermined thresholds. (For example, Joe has a baseline right to 3% of the company’s value and can earn an additional 1% for every $10 million in growth, with a maximum share of 7%.)
5. Sales Bonus in Event of Change of Control:
   • Executives are entitled to a percentage share of the company’s value payable exclusively in the event of a change of control. (For example, Joe has 5% of the company’s value expressed as phantom stock, payable only if a change of control occurs.)
6. Simulated Equity Plan:
   • Executives are entitled to a percentage share of the value of a specific division or segment of the company, determined by a predefined formulaic breakup value of the company. (For instance, Joe holds 5% of the European division’s value based on a preset formulaic breakup value of the company.)

These diverse synthetic equity programs offer flexibility and the ability to tailor incentive structures to meet specific business objectives and circumstances.
The possibilities are virtually endless. Synthetic equity is akin to a sculptor’s clay for incentive structures—it can be molded into a wide array of forms to suit a business owner’s preferences. It can transform from a tracking stock to a pure performance-based incentive.
Of significant significance to business owners, synthetic equity operates independently of the company’s shareholders’ agreement and related buy-sell terms. This independence grants a high degree of flexibility, particularly concerning payout. Synthetic equity agreements must adhere to IRS code section 409A, which outlines rules governing plan payouts. According to 409A, synthetic equity plans can be triggered by six permissible events or plan termination. The three events that cannot be predicted are death, disability, and unforeseeable emergencies, while the three strategic triggers are change of control, time certain, and separation of service. Consequently, business owners have the authority to determine when executives can realize the value of the plan. This contrasts with a typical employee stock option plan, where executives decide when to “exercise” their stock options independently. In summary, synthetic equity plans provide business owners with enhanced control and flexibility in terms of plan design and payout.
In conclusion, synthetic equity stands as a compelling option for organizations seeking to optimize cash resources, empower succession, and reward high performance. It offers a robust and flexible framework, ensuring that top talent remains motivated and aligned with organizational goals. Embracing Synthetic Equity can truly set a company on the path to sustained high performance and success.
Authors

Paul Lalovich

Hi Reddit community, I'm putting in an offer for my first home. Likely will go over listing price and I have it capped out at 315k. I have 92k in cash, 220k in 401k (15% contribution). I'm not touching my 401k for this. I'm a 41 y/o single female, no debt. Salary is 115k (potentially more with bonus). No kids.
My question is, should I put 20% down (including closing costs) - this would be approx 71k total bringing to the table at closing with a purchase price of 315k. Or, save the cash and put less $$ down - the pmi is very small ($25-50/month).
Thanks for any input! Thanks all :)

Currently a DP-0801-05 in DC locality, with salary in between a 14 step 5 and step 6. Received a TJO for a GG-0801-15 step 2 (same locality), but the salary listed was about $1k lower than what is shown on DCIPS compensation table.
Never mind the fact that the pay listed in the TJO email isn’t to be found anywhere on pay tables, nor aligns with a GG-15 step 2; I was under the impression that I would qualify at a 15 step 3, based upon the two step rule.
Am I wrong? I’ve already reached out the agency for clarification on both parts but wanted to get the Reddit hive mind thoughts.

I am a musician that has been in the grind for 20+ years but as I got older, I ended up with a job in marketing. I help local businesses get more traffic to their website and also build websites. I love what I do because I help businesses and it's a self fulfilling.
Anyway, I met someone that is building out a platform for independent artists and entertainers. I'm glad to be a part of it and I am pretty much the point of contact since my knowledge in music is pretty extensive. We're talking 1940's jazz to death metal, to hip-hop, to indie, to shoegaze, to classic rock, to funk to blues, you name it. I am a music fanatic truly.
But the idea of the platform is amazing. It's for independent artists that push their music currently, have 1,000's of followers and listeners but also work other jobs to make ends meet. The goal is to allow those artists the opportunity to focus on their music and art full-time without having to work the other jobs while earning a full-time salary on our platform.
It's a subscription model for their fans and the majority of the earnings go to the artist, not to us. We want artists that own their own music so there aren't labels, and others hands in the jar. Majority goes to the artist while some goes to the platform. I am not looking to promote the name since I don't want my post to be removed. But if you look closely you'll be able to find the name. The waitlist is live and we're looking for featured artists.
If we think you're a good fit, we'll work on a video with you to promote. I've been looking at these posts on here for some time and there are a lot of talented artists. I know plenty personally and it's a shame they have to play shows in nashville on the weekends while waiting tables during the day. Our goal is to change that. Keep making amazing music everyone.

Hi - new to this sub and looking for some directional advice to help guide my own research!
I’m in my 30’s with a salary in mid-100k, and I’ve been coasting on a Capital One Quicksilver card since 2018 because when I started making real money, I wanted the flat cash back and was intimidated by spending categories, complicated rewards and annual fees. I currently have a $15k limit and put all possible expenses on the card and pay in full every month (~10% utilization rate, 100% on time payment). Before that I had a Chase Freedom card with a $5k limit opened in 2016, but closed it in 2022 since I was exclusively using my Quicksilver card.
I see my friends and coworkers getting status, upgrades, etc. and when I ask them how they do it, they say CC rewards and I’m realizing that I’m probably leaving a LOT of potential credit card value on the table. The thought of an annual fee, even $600+, doesn’t scare me anymore and I’m comfortable financially between my career and credit score (Vantage = 822, I just bought a house last year with my unmarried partner AND paid off a car loan).
I travel for work occasionally but have a work credit card so the biggest limitation is probably being able to put only personal travel on the card itself. We likely have a wedding and honeymoon coming up in the next few years so expect some big expenses that I’d love to use rewards to maximize.
Where is a good place to start? Should I be looking to open multiple cards and start gating my spending between everyday and travel? Any specific cards, like Amex Gold and/or Platinum, that could be good to start?
EDIT: Template below

• All/current cards:
  • Capital One Quicksilver - $15k, 2018
  • Chase Freedom - $5k, 2016-2022 (closed)
• FICO Score: 822
• Oldest account age: 24 years (authorized user on parents CC)
• Chase 5/24 status: 0/24
• Income: $160,000
• Average monthly spend and categories:
  • dining $600
  • groceries: $85 (this might be low, my CC lumped grocery into 'merchandise' when I exported my transactions for 2023)
  • gas: $50
  • travel: $500
  • other: $4200 (this is ALL CC spending for 2023, minus the above, divided by 12 and does include some bigger ticket items like furniture and an engagement ring)
• Open to Business Cards: Not sure, probably not? But I know very little
• What's the purpose of your next card? Travel + Cashback (maybe 2 cards??)
• Do you have any cards you've been looking at? Chase Sapphire Preferred/Reserve, Amex Gold/Platinum, Capital One Venture X
• Are you OK with category spending or do you want a general spending card? I would love one card that I know I can always default to without a headache, and at least one that I can set aside for specific points earning against my biggest spending categories

Currently a DP-0801-05, with salary in between a GS-14 step 5 and step 6. Received a TJO for a GG-0801-15 step 2, but the salary listed was about $1k lower than what is shown on DCIPS compensation table.
Never mind the fact that the pay listed in the TJO email isn’t to be found anywhere on pay tables, nor aligns with a GG-15 step 2; I was under the impression that I would qualify at a 15 step 3, based upon the two step rule.
Am I wrong? I’ve already reached out the agency for clarification on both parts but wanted to get the Reddit hive mind thoughts.

Hi everyone
I started a new role at a company last year and I’ve been wanting to quit since day 1, as it’s a toxic work environment. The job market for my work is really bad right now so I’ve been waiting until it gets better to get out of this shithole company.
I think my manager noticed that I was not interested in working here anymore and bam, I came to my office and saw a job offer on the table. ( a promotion essentially). The offer was more money yes, but I wanted to negotiate because 1. My manager privately told me to, and 2. The pay doesn’t meet market standards, AT ALL. So they wanted me to do this high level position for essentially barely any money. I negotiated obviously, and asked for more PTO as well. My manager calls me and tells me I’m not allowed to negotiate that much money, and I can’t ask for both PTO& salary. She then went on to say she doesn’t feel comfortable with her and I making even significantly close to same salary and it isn’t going to be happy if they do grant me that PTO amount because now she needs to reevaluate her position and salary and PTO. Like??? wtf? Made the entire convo about how she’s insecure her and I would be “ close in salary” and we wouldn’t be close at ALL but okay. She told me to negotiate, I did, and she didn’t like that I did. So weird. Now I’m not even sure if this is still on the table.

Hello, we're currently dealing with a huge debt (literally crying while making this post cuz the debt collector is asking me for money but I have none right now) and I need some help because I'm so confused and I don't know what to do anymore.
Ps. Long post ahead
I just turned legal age this month and the adulthood welcomed me with many responsibilities especially paying my mother's huge debt. The debt really came from my mom but my sibling is the one who's paying it since my mother became unemployed and have no source of income as of now. However, the debt is larger than my sibling's salary so it's not enough to clear the debts. If I estimated it, it's roughly about 5000 usd (300k php) and the debt collector is pressuring them plus me to pay the whole amount immediately.
I told my sibling after I graduate (which is next next month) I will find job immediately and help them. But the thing is, the collector really keeps asking us for money but we currently have none since my sibling already gave the whole salary for the month to the debt collector and my mother has no job.
My mother, my sibling and I know the debt collector personally. We both trusted each other so we were able to borrow money from them before. However, ever since my mom became unemployed, she kept borrowing from this person until the amount & interest increased and we couldn't pay it all anymore. I am aware that it's our fault, that it's my mother's fault because she kept borrowing even tho she had no money to pay back. But I love my mom. I want to blame her for all of this suffering that we are currently experiencing but I can't even do that because I love her and she borrowed all those money so that we could have meals on our table and provide our needs and wants.
Right now, I don't know what to do anymore. We already sold everything we had in our home, we even tried online loans and credit cards and now we also can't pay those. We tried asking for my relatives' help but they don't want to which I understand because it's not their obligation. We tried everything and it feels like this is our punishment and we were destined to suffer like this forever.
Even though I want to get a job, I don't even have the legal documents to apply for a corporate job that has a high paying salary and I feel like it's useless to have a job that pays minimum wage because it's not enough to pay the debt anyway. Besides, to be honest I'm really afraid because I was not prepared for this kind of situation. I've only focused on academics throughout my whole life so now that I am in legal age I have no clue. The only thing that's on my mind right now is to do bad things or s3ll my b0dy just to pay those debts. I'm really this 🤏 close to doing it now lmao.
Please help me, I know that my mother and my sibling didn't even want to be in this situation. Neither am I. I don't know what to do except 3nding my l!fe or giv!ng my s0ul to the d3mon. Is there anyone that has been on the same situation like us? Please give some advice. I want to be financially free, I don't want to be in this place anymore.

My boyfriend (39) and I (29) decided to live together last year.
Everything seemed fine. Before he met me, he knew I had a 5-year-old child and that I wasn't married. He also had a cat. We moved in together, but he left his cat with his family.
In our new place, a stray cat started visiting us regularly, and we fed it often. I noticed he became attached to the stray, so we decided to adopt it to help him miss his cat less. I suggested we keep the cat indoors because my child often gets sick and got admitted a few times, but he got upset because the stray wasn’t used to living inside. So, I let it be even though the cat sometimes caught mice and climbed on the table. I'm not a cat person, but I tried to adjust.
When we started living together, I even adjusted my life and my son's needs. My son used to have S26 milk, but we had to switch to Bear Brand. Meanwhile, I saw my boyfriend ordering boxes of food and never buying new toys for my son ever. These red flags made me feel neglected and unimportant. We decided to merge all our salaries and split the bills. He managed the money and everything.
The stray cat gave birth to four kittens, and he was very excited and put in a lot of effort to take care of them. I wanted to rehome them because we were both busy as I have two jobs and a child to care for. We barely go out since there's a cats in our home, and he feels uneasy every time we go out for long periods.
As the kittens grew, they made a mess and smelled bad, especially during meals. The litter box besides our table. I couldn’t stand it. His behavior changed, and he told me he'd rehome them once they were older and no longer nursing. But when the time came, he showed no intention of doing so. When his sibling asked if we needed to adopt out the cats, he said he planned to keep them without consulting me.
I was shocked and we argued, making me feel like the bad guy.
Our relationship deteriorated, and every time I went downstairs, the smell made me angry. I felt like I had no say in our home. I told him that if he didn’t rehome the new cats, we would leave. I asked for at least two weeks to find a place and prepare the house I had bought. He responded, "The cats stay no matter what." That’s when I realized he chose the cats over us.
Three days after our conversation, we had a heated argument because the cats made a mess and smelled bad. He yelled at me, "When are you leaving?" He was furious. So, my child and I left immediately.
We moved far away. A few weeks later, he visited me in our new home and tried to reconcile, expressing regret for what happened. Despite everything, I loved him, so I gave him another chance. I decided to give it another try, hoping he might change his principles since we weren't living together anymore. He visited me once a week, but every time he was here, he constantly checked his phone to see how his cats were doing in CCTV. One time, while we were out grocery shopping, he seemed so rushed and preoccupied with his cats at home that it irritated me. At that time, I didn't know I was pregnant.
When I found out I was pregnant, I shared the news with him but kept my condition the same: he must rehome the cats and keep only one. He still refused. His plan was to live in my house while his cats stayed in his house. Instead of resolving things, he accused me of being an attention seeker and insecure. The stress has been overwhelming, and I've even experienced bleeding.
Also, my ex-boyfriend is quite tight on budget and has a lot of credit card debt that he is still paying off. I only found this out after we started living together. One reason I decided to live together was to help him financially. I also bought a house that I'm waiting to be turned over. I thought the additional expenses for the cats would be manageable if it was just one not 5, but with a baby on the way, it’s a different story. He is very firm in his decision. This has made me question everything even more.

Hey all! First post here, and I'm on mobile, sorry if formatting is off. Anyway, I wanted to share a story that just recently popped into my mind. It was two-ish years ago, so my memory is a bit fuzzy. Also, not 100% sure if this belongs here. If it doesn't, I'm sorry!
Anyway, I F18 at the time, was working at a fast food place. I've only ever seen one of these specific places in my life, but I won't give the name just in case. To give you the basic idea, it's food is Italian, which means it's mostly pasta. Sure, we had pizza slices, bread sticks, and salads, but mostly different pasta dishes. It's not terribly important for the story, but it's some nice context nonetheless.
I always worked the closing shift, 5-10, which really went from 5-11 with all the things that had to be done for closing. I want to say it was around the middle of my shift, or maybe in the first half. I always worked up front, taking orders and running out food for tables. It was business as usual, and then a woman walked in. Yes, dear readers, the "Karen" of the wild. I welcomed her with the typical " hi, welcome to (restaurant name)! What can I get for you?"
Things went well, she ordered her meal. I think the total was $10, or around that range. And I rattled off the phrase that has been burned into my brain.
Me: "would you like to leave a tip?"
Surprisingly, she said yes. No red flags yet, so I continued.
Me: "Alrighty! Please press one, two, or three on the keypad. Then, press the green button."
I watched as she pushed the buttons in that order. Now, the buttons corresponded to different tip amounts. One was $1, two was $3, and three was $5. Since she had pressed three as the final button, it meant she gave a $5 tip. Here's where things get messy, after I gave her the receipt.
She inspected it intently, and then started complaining about how much she had tipped. A few of the lines I remember very clearly..
"I'm not giving you a $5 tip for a $10 purchase!" And the good ol' "I pay your salary."
I was trying to explain that she hadn't listened to what I had said, that I had said one, two OR three. Not one, two AND three. This back and forth continued, and some of my coworkers even came to defend me, saying that I have very clear instructions.
Some more back and forth happened, and the manager was called to settle this. He was busy, so it would take a minute or two. But during that time, this woman stared me directly in the eyes and said "I don't like your bitchy attitude."
I, obviously shocked, exclaimed "Excuse me?!" And, being as shocked and angry as I was, felt tears in my eyes. I cry when I'm really angry, for some reason. Anyway, manager got there and settled it. I can't remember exactly what the outcome was, since I was already helping a group of younger boys.
I got one more story from my time there, which only lasted about 6 months. If anyone is interested, I'd be happy to share!

Got an offer on the table from one place that gets me out of a shit workplace. It’s a good salary, moves me to a nice area and the befits sound great.
However, I was a finalist at another organization(local government). I reached out to the other government and let them know I had an offer on the table. They just got back and let me know they should have an update sometime next week.
I am extremely exhausted after looking since October for a new job. And I guess I am just looking for some confirmation and affirmation that it’s OK for me to say fuck it and take the job on the table.

How do mental boxes work?
Mental boxes work by changing the subject's behavior in a way that is consistent within the framework of the mental box. In the frog example it's easy to understand. However in humans, there are complex interplays between thoughts and behavior, which creates concepts such as self-fulfilling prophecy, self-sabotage, and confirmation bias. These will be explored in later pages.
To start us off, here is a simple example expanded from the previous page:
A student in middle school takes a math class, gets a failing grade, and creates the interpretation ‘I’m bad at math’, which now becomes a mental box.
They go through high school choosing all the easy math classes. Then at university, they choose a major that has very little to do with math (such as arts), which then dictates the rest of their career.
In this example, the student makes both behavioral choices - which classes to take, and which major to pursue - within the confines of their mental box. Perhaps if they didn’t form that mental box, they might have tried to take the same math class over summer, learned from their mistakes, breezed through it, and pursued an advanced math curriculum in high school/college. This could have lead to a STEM career and (probably) a higher salary.
But this possibility no longer exists because of the mental box.
On the flip side, here is an example of someone who was not limited by a mental box, and what that made possible.
But first, a question: "Can humans fly?"
Ask 100 modern-day humans that question, and at least 90 of them would say ‘no, humans can’t fly’. Those 90 are in mental box were human flying is not possible, Even though all of them have probably been on an airplane at least once in their lifetimes, their mental box prevents them from seeing at as such.
This reason this happens is because people have a tendency to make things about themselves. When asked if humans can fly, they think if they themselves can fly. Since the answer is no, they respond as if that is true for all humanity, and that it is a fact (which itself is another human fallacy).
[On a side note, people’s tendency to make things about themselves, and thinking what they say is fact, are two of the biggest reasons there is so much discourse in personal relationships. Recognizing these tendencies and being aware of when you are doing it will make you much easier to get along with, as well make it easier to deal with people. This will be discussed in-depth in relationships (non-romantic).]
But I digress.
In the past (before aviation existed) you could ask up to 100,000 people the question ‘Can humans fly?’, and 99% of them would have said no. However, a pair of siblings basically said "fuck that, we want to fly". They were known as the Wright brothers.
Just a quick introduction - the Wright brother were pioneers in the aviation space who created the first machine capable of flight. Over time, their ideas became the foundation of today's aviation technology.
Specifically, in 1878 when the brothers were still teenagers, their father gave them a toy flying helicopter model powered by rubber bands. They became intrigued at the idea of flying after experimenting with this helicopter and building out various models. Over time, their interest grew, and their imagination allowed them to expand the concept of flying to humans. They sought to make their dream a reality. Through a lot of trial and error (and harsh criticism from the people around them), they were eventually able to succeed.
So now this begs the question, why, when some people get confronted by an obstacle, do they form a mental box (such as the student who failed a math class) while others don't (even if they when are confronted with a similar obstacle)? And in some cases, even take it on as a challenge?
This is what we will explore in the next page.
Click here for table of contents/page links

Our office is doing some market research on associate pay structure. Curious, if someone were looking, which would be the most enticing?

1. 2k total cost to the business. You keep 100% of collections on your own patients. Business gives you a room, office, table/equipment, x ray, ehr, phone, website, all utilities, etc. Employee buys their own malpractice and CEU. You collect 50% from seeing other doctor in the office's patients when they're absent, or for walk-in availability. You are responsible for brining in your own patients.
2. 50k salary. You keep 100% of collections after 12k collected per month. In this model, employer sets your hours.
3. You keep 75% collections, 25% to employer.
4. 80k salary, but required to see a minimum of 10 patients per day by 6 mo. In this model, employer sets your hours.
5. 40k per year, you keep 100% commission after 10k collected each month, and with 50% 401k match. The legal limit for this is up to 23k contributions from employee, amount to 11.5k from the business.

Choose from the above, with a 3 year 10k retention bonus. If someone wants to learn how to open their own practice, would option one with a 1k additional monthly fee to have the clinic owner teach them how to run a business/back end work be enticing?
If you had those available to you, would you ever leave to start your own?

New grad here with a few options on the table as far as jobs. My first option is OP peds, it’s a salaried position, 32 hours per week of treatment time, 1 eval a week, 85% productivity expectation. Decent benefits!
My second option is a peds HH job with a high hourly, but only 20-25 hours of treatment time per week, this is considered full time. They allow you to pick cases you feel more comfortable with and offer great benefits. They also reimburse mileage. They have a very strong mentorship program where one therapist takes a reduced caseload so they can guide you through the process of HH as a new grad, attend sessions and evals with you etc, for 90 days.
Which of these sounds more manageable or better to you? Since this is my first job I’m not sure what to look for. I’ve always been drawn to home health so I’m more inclined to take that job, but I’m worried because the treatment hours are low.