I’ve had 2 previous boyfriends, one online, who I never did anything serious with. Then this other guy (2nd boyfriend 19M) came into my (17 F) life about a year and a half ago. I’ll start by saying, I have a problem. My problem is that when I love someone (anyone, friends family partner) I will do what I think will make them happy even if it doesn’t make me happy. So one of the nights we were first together we did some things that I initiated because in my mind why would a man be with me unless it’s for that? And I don’t want him to leave me, so I’ll do a bit but never far enough to do penetration. We didn’t take off clothes or anything that night but I just didn’t want to do any of it, but the way he acted I knew that’s what he wanted. Afterwards I cried my eyes out on the back of his car and told him my people pleasing habits. I told him that in reality I hate doing sexual things and get no gratification from it and for him to assume that if I start something it’s only because I think that’s what he wants from me. He agreed that the next time I started something that he’d stop me and that he was so sorry. Next time he was the one to start it. He touched down there when he thought I was asleep and I was too scared to open my eyes and confront him so I kept them closed. In my mind at the time I died. I hated sexual things. The only time I remember liking anything sexual was when I really trusted the previous guy and even that wasn’t anything without clothes on. So flash forward, I still start things and so does he because I’m people pleasing. After every single time, I always break down crying and beg him to not do anything anymore even if I ask for it because I’m only doing it because I want him to be happy and every time he always agrees. At one point he put his tongue down there, I ended up pushing his face away gently with my foot and running to the bathroom because I felt so sick and uncomfortable and just sat in the shower crying while he “apologized” from beyond the door. Then came the second time he did something while I was asleep. I have insomnia so he’d always fall asleep before me but that day I was extremely tired. This time I actually was asleep and I woke up with my underwear down and his “male down there part” (you know what I mean) up against me from the back about to go in. I woke up. I screamed and jumped up,, immediately started crying my eyes out and yelling what did you do what did you do?? I pulled up my clothes and ran to my car and left. I still have no idea what happened. He told me it was just his finger and he hadn’t don’t anything when I woke up and that he thought I was awake. I don’t know how he thought that. It was the middle of the night, around 3 am and he definitely didn’t ask me if I was and get a yes. I can’t confirm nor deny it was just his fingers. He had touched his part to my part with no clothing in between,, but never went in, so I know what his thing felt like. But either way it messed me up in my head. Being a virgin is important to me. I want to save it for marriage.Which I’d told him that and he said he was fine with waiting (cause I also told him I date to marry) I doubt even when I am married I’ll want that from someone. But I’ve learned my lesson with the people pleasing. Next relationship (which hopefully won’t be for years) I’ll just be myself and straight up say I don’t like sexual activity much. But it was a hard lesson to learn. To rub salt in the wound the guy had been cheating on me with his ex and hooking up with her. (I asked if he was a virgin at the beginning and he said yes which I found out was a major lie) Overall my first irl boyfriend was a horrible person. I know I share in some of the blame, but after telling him a few times that I’m a people pleaser I think a good partner would’ve stopped doing those things. But as far as I know he never put “it” in. (Unless I was asleep, but I feel like I would’ve woken up) I was so numb during the entire relationship. My brain went on auto pilot and I really wish it hadn’t. I’m going to therapy now but I all I wanted was someone nice and respectful. Next time I’ll value myself a bit more. And yes, I broke up with him about a month ago.

Not necessarily how to be happy but how to just not be depressed 24/7. I’m 22 and I’ve worked since I was 15. My family was always working class so I had to get a job young basically if I ever wanted to get myself new clothes or save up for a car or help my parents out with the occasional bill but holy shit I know everyone is going through it and it’s nothing new but everything is so expensive right now. I’m working two jobs and I feel exhausted and burnt out and I read sometimes for a couple hours when I get off work and night. I’m trying not to drink every night but that’s really hard. I don’t smoke weed anymore cause i haven’t enjoyed it since I moved states a couple years ago. I have a few friends that I see sometimes but I can tell they’re also depressed and idk it just gets me down. If anyone has advice on how they keep their shit together or wants to vent about it one on one, I’d really appreciate having someone to talk to about this stuff sometimes.

This probably won't get any viz, since this is my throwaway account but I'm not really looking for support so that's alright. I feel kinda pathetic going on reddit to complain about my life, but I'm pretty destroyed as a man right now so how much worse could it get?
I guess I'll jump right in, the short story is the girl that I've been seeing for about a year decided in a drunken stupor to use my best friend to hurt me, while I was 500 miles away and couldn't do anything to stop it. The long story is so much worse, and thinking about it now, everyone is in the wrong, even me.
I've been seeing this girl, lets call her Bella, for about a year now. She was originally a rebound, I had just gotten out of a two year relationship with my first love, it was messy and I just needed someone to take my mind off things. Well it worked and she did, we had crazy physical chemistry, so I kept her around. I mean I hardly thought about my ex when I was with Bella, and she was so much better for me emotionally than the last girl.
Everything went great for about 4 months, but then she confessed that she loved me, and that what we were doing wasn't just physical for her. I had feelings for her but I was still hurt from my ex, I couldn't fall properly for someone else. People say that you never forget your first love, I think that's true - it's takes a long time to get over love like that. I did the only thing only thing I could do to stay true to myself at the time, and I told her that while I had feelings for her, I wasn't falling for her, and we wouldn't be anything more than what we were.
I felt horrible about it but what else could I say? The next month was rough she was a mess and tried to get with my friend, which I understood. So staying honest to myself, I told her how I felt about it. I told her that I could deal with her sleeping with other people, but jumping from me to my friends to hurt me for being honest with her wasn't ok. She got the message, we talked it out, and then we slept together. Here's were things started getting messy.
I'm monogamous by nature, when I'm with someone, even if it's not serious, I am only with them. Sleeping with multiple people is just gross to me, I feel guilty about it and so it's not really worth it. The issue is, when you're sleeping with someone exclusively, over months, knowing that they love you, it makes it hard to not fall for someone. I stopped being honest with her and myself, I kept her where she was, in limbo, swinging between friends with benefits and something more. I told myself things were so good the way they were, why would I change them. It was cruel and immature of me, I know, but it wasn't as cruel as what she would do to me.
A few months go by like this, me lying about how I didn't want to take things further, her lying about being ok with that... Then things got kinda strange, our relationship changed on some level. We started making jokes in the elevator with strangers, stuff like "Ugh and this is why we're getting a divorce," and "It's a good thing I got a prenup then." We talked about how we would still be friends with each other when we found who we wanted to be with, how we were required to go to each others weddings and how until then, what we were would just have to be.
She told me that even though we weren't dating, I treated her better than anyone has. You see I'm a pretty damn good boyfriend, even when I'm just pretending. I told her she was lucky I didn't take us to the next level, she would never recover from me. There was an uncomfortable pause, looking back I think that was the seed of evil shit she did to me.
I was finally done lying to myself though, I knew I cared for her, and I knew she cared for me. I went to my best friend and asked him if I should give her a chance, she was so good and all the red flags that were there in the beginning were gone, I was over my ex, and I was falling for her. He said I was just drunk and lonely. I wasn't drunk, but I was lonely, so I believed him. I should also mention I asked my brother as well, he said she was too dull for me, so that added to me not following what I felt.
A few weeks later my best friend was staying nearby, and I was very very far away. My other friends and my brother were in town as well. He invited her over, I trust him but it was only a one bed hotel room, and they were going out to drink, she wouldn't be able to drive home. I was uncomfortable and felt sick, I told her I was worried, and she said don't worry silly, I made a pillow wall look, and you bestie is like a brother to you, I don't want him and he would never do that to you. Well, we know differently now don't we.
She got closer and closer to him over the night, all the while sending me snapchats of kissy faces, cuddling closer and closer to him, in-front of my brother and my friends, and then they left for the hotel. You see I trust my friend, he was a brother to me. He had problems with his father and my family took him in, my father kind of unofficially adopted him since he thought that he would always have his boy's backs, he was more than a friend, he was blood with my absolute trust and faith. Not only that, but he knew exactly how I felt about her, I told him after all.
I got five or six snaps of them together going back to the hotel, selfies with him. She was taking the pictures, she was showing me what she was going to do. I got one snap from in the elevator, another in the bedroom, one of her forehead and her clothes on the floor behind her, an "I miss you", and then a final soul crushing photo of her with half of her lashes gone from the sweat she worked up and a proud smile on her face, "Sleepy peepty".
It's been a day and I've cut them both off, I called her and told her we were done. She said she didn't remember anything and really couldn't get much other than that out through the tears, I wish I could say I didn't say anything cruel but she had to know what she did to me, I had to fill in the blanks for her. If she couldn't remember, then I'd just have to remind her. The crazy thing is, my friend wasn't sending the photos but somehow I hate him more. Unlike her he didn't show regret for what he did, I asked him if they slept together and he cracked a fucking joke. There was no emotional distress from him, no guilt.
The hate I feel for him is what I imagine a child feels for a father who beats his mother, it's the hate reserved for blood who betrays you, who takes the highest level your trust and love and stabs you with it. I want him to cease to exist, I want him gone.
Strangely enough, the hate I feel for Bella is less. She asked if she could call me again later that day, I don't know why I said yes, I don't know what I was looking for and it was all still so raw, I had nothing but malicious words for her. I guess after what she did to me I felt like I needed to inflict some pain of my own. Her brother ended up taking the phone from her after she broke down and yelled at me about how she didn't remember anything and she was raped, but he didn't get those snapchats now did he? As for yelling at me? I'm the guy that got royally fucked here buddy.
I get it though, if the roles were reversed and some guy was tearing into my sister over the phone like that, it wouldn't matter what she did. I would defend her too. All this to say, I know she truly regrets what she did, it was pretty clear from the phone call that she had been crying for hours on end, I mean, I could literally hear her screaming in anguish in the background while her brother was on the phone. I'm ashamed to say that it seems like that was what I was looking for when I picked up the phone, the hatred I had for her melted away, now it's just sadness and regret. I don't want her dead or gone, I just want her to be far away from me.
This felt good to type out, I'm not a big believer in sharing your feelings I can see why people do this.
TLDR Everyone fucked up and I got emotionally damaged

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I’m not sure where to start, so I’ll lay it all out. Me and my ex split after 10 years. He was a pathological liar, cheater, verbally and emotionally abusive, including making fun of how I looked, and I caught him on the hookup apps multiple times throughout the years. Of the most hurtful things he did was making fun of my teeth when I was going through cavity issues by calling me “cavity girl”. They are all fixed now tho.
He constantly told me he was only looking for friends on these apps. I.E. Grindr. We all know Grindr is a hookup app. When on his profiles it said he was looking for a hookup, relationship, fwbs, etc. This caused lots of trust issues and animosity, which caused me to do things I’m not proud of to get back at him. I was 24 and he was 35 when we met. Mind you I did absolutely nothing to him for him to start cheating from the beginning. We had a great sex life and I was completely faithful and basically co-dependent on him. That was until I got tired of being done wrong.
Now to the interesting part. I’m 36 now and have since found someone who makes me more happy than I could ever imagine. But my ex.. is in shambles. At the end of our relationship, he consumed a lot of alcohol daily to cope with things. He was very guilty and angry at me that I no longer wanted to try.
I watched him drink 1.75 liter bottles of Tequila and 750 ml bottles of Gran Gala in two days for 2 months. I begged him constantly to stop or slow down due to his dad passing away from liver disease from too much alcohol consumption. He did not stop, and I’m pretty sure he’s still doing it.
He has a 19 year old daughter and I don’t want her losing him, regardless of what happened with us. I feel really guilty for leaving him.. and for finding happiness after the fact when I watched him go through all of that. It’s severely messed up. But there was nothing more I could do and I was no longer happy. My fear of going through the same things my parents went through in their marriage happened to me. No matter how much I tried to prevent it, and it kills me that I was not able to break the cycle. I also had low self-esteem and didn’t think I could do better. I have nobody to talk to about this and I especially cannot tell my fiancé this. I.. in no shape or form.. want to get back with my ex. So let’s be clear. I’m very happy with who I’m with now. I just cannot help but to worry about him since we were together for so long.
I also have abandonment and attachment issues that stem from childhood. So it was very hard to walk away from him. I know I need therapy, but is there any other way to help cope with this?
The last straw was him lying to me about giving his daughter a credit card to use when she went to college. She ran up a 2k balance in less than a month. Buying her bf groceries, clothes, taking her bfs parents out to eat, paid his phone bill and overall took care of them off our dime. I asked him how was she doing with money bcuz we hadn’t sent her anything in a couple weeks. Only for him to confess this all to me weeks later when he got the statement in the mail bcuz he didn’t know what to do. So we had to dig ourselves out of that hole. My ex never fully opened up to me after 10 years, but constantly pushed me to while remaining closed off for so long. He tried to open up at the end after begging me not to give up. It was too late. I did my part at being a great step-parent and was constantly disrespected by his daughter and him, undermined, humiliated, and taken advantage of. Again I was not innocent after finding out what he did in the 1st year of our relationship. And I own that..
I know I should feel free and relieved, and I do to an extent. My fiancés family loves me and the feeling is very mutual and I feel so comfortable around them. But I feel like I gave up on my ex.. bcuz I was taught that subpar love and abuse at a young age was ok and that’s the best I could do.
Is this apart of the healing process? Stockholm Syndrome? Because I feel absolutely horrible. Thank you for listening 🙏🏽

I’m not sure where to start, so I’ll lay it all out. Me and my ex split after 10 years. He was a pathological liar, cheater, verbally and emotionally abusive, including making fun of how I looked, and I caught him on the hookup apps multiple times throughout the years. Of the most hurtful things he did was making fun of my teeth when I was going through cavity issues by calling me “cavity girl”. They are all fixed now tho.
He constantly told me he was only looking for friends on these apps. I.E. Grindr. We all know Grindr is a hookup app. When on his profiles it said he was looking for a hookup, relationship, fwbs, etc. This caused lots of trust issues and animosity, which caused me to do things I’m not proud of to get back at him. I was 24 and he was 35 when we met. Mind you I did absolutely nothing to him for him to start cheating from the beginning. We had a great sex life and I was completely faithful and basically co-dependent on him. That was until I got tired of being done wrong.
Now to the interesting part. I’m 36 now and have since found someone who makes me more happy than I could ever imagine. But my ex.. is in shambles. At the end of our relationship, he consumed a lot of alcohol daily to cope with things. He was very guilty and angry at me that I no longer wanted to try.
I watched him drink 1.75 liter bottles of Tequila and 750 ml bottles of Gran Gala in two days for 2 months. I begged him constantly to stop or slow down due to his dad passing away from liver disease from too much alcohol consumption. He did not stop, and I’m pretty sure he’s still doing it.
He has a 19 year old daughter and I don’t want her losing him, regardless of what happened with us. I feel really guilty for leaving him.. and for finding happiness after the fact when I watched him go through all of that. It’s severely messed up. But there was nothing more I could do and I was no longer happy. My fear of going through the same things my parents went through in their marriage happened to me. No matter how much I tried to prevent it, and it kills me that I was not able to break the cycle. I also had low self-esteem and didn’t think I could do better. I have nobody to talk to about this and I especially cannot tell my fiancé this. I.. in no shape or form.. want to get back with my ex. So let’s be clear. I’m very happy with who I’m with now. I just cannot help but to worry about him since we were together for so long.
I also have abandonment and attachment issues that stem from childhood. So it was very hard to walk away from him. I know I need therapy, but is there any other way to help cope with this?
The last straw was him lying to me about giving his daughter a credit card to use when she went to college. She ran up a 2k balance in less than a month. Buying her bf groceries, clothes, taking her bfs parents out to eat, paid his phone bill and overall took care of them off our dime. I asked him how was she doing with money bcuz we hadn’t sent her anything in a couple weeks. Only for him to confess this all to me weeks later when he got the statement in the mail bcuz he didn’t know what to do. So we had to dig ourselves out of that hole. My ex never fully opened up to me after 10 years, but constantly pushed me to while remaining closed off for so long. He tried to open up at the end after begging me not to give up. It was too late. I did my part at being a great step-parent and was constantly disrespected by his daughter and him, undermined, humiliated, and taken advantage of. Again I was not innocent after finding out what he did in the 1st year of our relationship. And I own that..
I know I should feel free and relieved, and I do to an extent. My fiancés family loves me and the feeling is very mutual and I feel so comfortable around them. But I feel like I gave up on my ex.. bcuz I was taught that subpar love and abuse at a young age was ok and that’s the best I could do.
Is this apart of the healing process? Stockholm Syndrome? Because I feel absolutely horrible. Thank you for listening.

Not having any friend in high school makes people hate school. I never ate breakfast or lunch and I would just sit alone during every class period and lunch period. Free time was my worst enemy because I had no one to talk to. Sure you could scroll on your phone and watch youtube videos but when you always show up first to every class and no not a single persons name from your senior class, it puts thing into perspective.
Going to college right after and not having anyone to share your fun experiences with or just everyday life with is so damaging to the heart and mind. You hangout with your mom more and you pick up odd jobs so you can at least get some sunlight and short burst of human connections. But then your family realizes that you have no friends and you tell them every little thing. They stop telling you about upcoming weddings or baby showers because they know you'll either be working or say you won't go. Plus they need a baby sitter anyways and you really have no choice. You spend your extra money on random gifts and expensive presents that you could spend on new clothes and outings with the friends you should have. And while you do all that they forget to say happy birthday to you and drop you off on the college campus like its a regular day.
You spend time reading and doing little hobbies that require no human interaction but deep down all you really want is for the person you occasionally strike up a conversation at with to be your bestie. All you want is a friend to go do dumb teenager stuff with but its not working out for you. All you want is a person you can facetime in the morning and send dumb tiktoks to throughout the day. Someone you can take a spontaneous weekend trip to the beach with and end up in some random Mexican restaurant with laughing about the beer bellied dad with tight shorts. Someone to get your first real apartment with so you can spend the first month falling sleeping on the couch because yall enjoy each others company and are way to scared to sleep alone.
I just want a friend. Just one.

Aunts
I (20F) had a dispute with my aunts due to their bad behaviour and treatment to my mother. Living in the Philippines, we can't avoid the toxicity of some of our relatives. My mom was in abroad for so many years and I mostly didn't spent time growing up together with her. Now at third year college, I just recently learnt their toxic behaviors. One of my aunt was like a wolf in a sheep clothing pretending to be the victin while the other is good at gaslighting. The reason why I had a dispute with them was because of money. One was using my number to loan at the online lending apps and the other one borrowed money to me and wasn't able to payback on time. They have a lot of debts to other people and most likely staining our family image in our place for they don't know how to pay back their time on an agreed date. Whenever someone asks for their debt, they would borrow some money to others and use that money to pay it. That became a habit of them.
There was this time where I became agitated by their behaviours and I accumulated the guts to tell them the things that brewing from within. Turned out to this day, I realized that I was wrong for telling them things that I said due to my lack of information and intelligence. I realized that I was wrong for my appraoch by just telling them straight on. The only mistake I did is not understanding them.
My aunts grew up with an abusive mother. However, my mother was the only favorite. Mother didn't experienced being beaten up compared to my two aunts. Maybe jealousy and/or envy grew unto them causing them to use my mother at whatever they pleases especially my wolf like sheep aunt who can't acknowledge that the reason my mom didn't earn despite years of working abroad is because my mom gives my aunt some allowance for us to use because my wolf aunt was the one who took care (?) of me and my sibling back in my elementary days.
(truth to be told: 10 pesos was my baon back then: underwears and clothings was rarely bought. Basic needs are provided though and we're happy back)
I was happy growing up with my wolf aunt and was grateful for it. However, her manipulatives endeavors made me to feel not to trust her. My mother suffered a huge blow because of her manipulations. Acting the victim when in fact she was the one who manipulated my grandpa to let her build a house on my mother's lot.
Moving to the other aunt, I just recently saw her shared post captioning things about me stating like, I only have a sharp tongue, good at asking for money and acting like I'm rich yet I'm not the one working hard for the money I'm spending. Also stating that I wasn't taking good care of my studies. Is this really a part of adulting?
I'm letting this out of my chest. Fully aware of my mistakes. If you're diligent enough to read this. Leave me some advices for I was having a hard time dealing with them. Harsh but Real advices is needed, not some useless junk. Leave some advices too on how to deal with this kind of relatives.

Jai Jinendra 🙏
This is a long post, but I hope you will bear with me.
When I first started my period, I was wallowing in self-pity and the unfairness of this burden. To add to that - the restrictions of not being able to sleep in a bed, enter the kitchen or visit the temple made me completely furious. I was resentful and to rebel against this 'discrimination', I constantly argued with my grandmother (who instructed me on these practices).
But as I am growing up, I have accepted my periods as a part of my nature and who I am. Still - all the restrictions left me conflicted and I struggled to understand if they were a cultural or a religious practice.
I tried reading about it online and found (mostly) all websites and articles debunking these as 'myths' and 'result of patriarchal influence'. I have always had a strong faith in our Dharma and was yet again hesitant to believe that everything our sadhus/sadhvis preach us about following during periods is false.
I discussed it with my mother (at length) and was able to come up with somewhat logical explanations for these prohibitions-
1. Sleeping on a bed/using sofas -
In earlier times women did not have access to proper menstruation products such as sanitary pads, tampons or menstrual cups and were using cloth. In my view, the restriction may have to do with the fact that using cloths on your periods makes you prone to leakage and staining. Even today, sometimes after the third day, I am worried while sleeping on the bed because it may spoil the bedding.
In a modern context, I am still dubious of this practice.
2. Entering the kitchen -
I think we can all agree that periods are uncomfortable. They may be a natural phenomenon and not every woman has painful cramps but - as a whole it is an unpleasant event. Expecting a woman going through such a thing to cook for an entire family consisting of 4-5 members (traditionally) is really just cruel.
Always, both in our culture and dharma - the cleanliness and purity with which food is made has been a fundament. We often say, “जैसा अन्न वैसा मन” (As is the food, so is the thought). Similarly, I believe that the emotional state of mind while preparing food is equally important. Energy and vibrations are transferred through food we eat and affect our state of mind.
TMI - Urination, defecation and menstruation are all natural processes. Would you ask a person who is defecating/urinating without control of their bowel moments, to prepare food for you? What makes a woman on her period any different? Period blood IS human waste, I don't understand why it should be treated differently.
3. Visiting a temple/taking part in religious ceremonies
Frankly, I have never thought this to be as unfair and for a few valid reasons-

• I have always observed my entire family taking extreme care to keep their clothes and themselves pristine before participating in any religious practices. Even at home, we always ensure to take a bath and put on a fresh, washed set of clothes before the evening aarti. My grandfather (who often practices Swadhyay several times a day) makes sure to keep a dhoti separately and cleans himself if he has used the washroom during breaks.
  
• Blood, faeces, urine and pus are all considered impure fluids - yes, they are all a part of our natural physiology, but it doesn't mean that they are not a biohazard or toxic waste. Anyone with these impurities is not allowed to enter temples/make offerings. My father on one occasion, was asked not to participate in prakshal because he had a small cut on his arm. It makes sense that a woman who is bleeding heavily (without a way to stop it) is asked not to enter the temple.
  

Mainly, these are the three things that I have to follow during my periods, I'm sure there are many other people with different set of rules. I'm interested to hear about the experiences of other women in the subreddit, and also what men have observed in their households.
I apologise if this post seems off-topic for this subreddit but, I just want to share this with everyone and show that this is not some outdated religious thinking or a way of oppressing women. I do recognise that people have taken some things too far by isolating and secluding women and shaming them for something that is not their fault/ in their control. However, most of these practices were started with good intentions, which have eroded into mindless extremism.
Throughout the years these practices have been stigmatized and women are made to believe that they are impure instead of explaining that blood is the impurity.
P.S. I hope I will not be ridiculed or mocked for holding these views, I hope to hear about others' explanations or reasonings as well.
Jai Jinendra & Micchami Dukkudam 🙏

throw away account
I(f18) have been having struggles with my mental health more than normally as of late, i'm constantly dragging myself thinking i'm not working enough or doing house duties, i'm not giving myself the care i used to, i feel like i'm lacking some where in my relationship, or anything else along those lines. The thing that i would say bugs me the most is how insecure i've been, not only of my body, but of my partner(m21) as well. I know that i sometimes get anxiety and i struggle with depression but this feels different. I've already decided that the reason i'm always placing these exceptionally high standards on myself is because of the pressure that my family put on me when i was younger, but as i grew up i stopped letting them push me into a bad headspace and only cared what i thought about me.
Recently, however, i noticed that's not the case anymore. I fall in love with my partner more and more every single day, i'm only happy if they're happy. We moved into an apartment together this past january and it's been wonderful but also kind of strange. I do anything that they ask of me and try my hardest to do it before they even ask. I cook and clean and wash their work clothes. I'm really the only person that they socialize with mostly and they're one of the sweetest most caring most gentle people I've ever met. But I often feel like they're unhappy with our relationship (even though they always reassure me that they aren't ).
I also often worry that i'm not fulfilling their needs the way I should be and that they're uninterested in me. At first i thought that i was just way overthinking and spiraling into an episode but now i feel like some of my thoughts are valid?
For context: we have been together for 9 months. The first 3 months of our relationship they were cheating on me with their ex. I decided that i would give them a second chance and try again(i really love them). After i thought that i'd gotten over that i found out that they're CONSTANTLY looking at porn or onlyfans. They told me that they watch it while they're at work, above my head when i fall asleep after we have sex, and even when he's showering.
I don't mind that they watch porn, i do do too, but they don't try to hide it then they lie about it and act like i will be upset at them and starts to be all defensive when they feel they're being judged. If anything i just get sad because the women they look at don't look anything like me. their sex drive has went down, they claimed that i'm horny all time and am wearing them out and that they needed a break. I respected that and i gave them their space.
The only problem with that though is that they would still try to touch me and do things to me even though they'd just said that they needed a break. we did it so hard and so often that i tore a ligament in my spine and i still get bad pains to this day. it made me feel like they just wanted to use me whenever and then put me on a shelf until they were ready again. Another thing I failed to mention is that they're addicted to their phone. Even when i try to spend quality time with them they can't seem to just put the damn phone away. when they're driving, showering, cleaning, cooking, when we're out on a date, the phone is always in hand.
I'm constantly trying to make sure that i do things to keep them happy so that they'll have a reason to be with me but no matter what I do i always feel like i'm doing it wrong. sometimes they try to include me in the things that they like but that's it. they're always talking about wrestling and whatever subject they're obsessing over at that moment but when it comes to everything else they act like it's the most boring thing in the world(even though i show interest in their hobbies and genuinely try to learn about them).
we try to paint together they give up and get on the phone, we try to talk about literally anything they get on the phone, eating dinner- phone, on a date- phone, at either of our family's house- phone. it doesn't stop. so i wondered if maybe they're just uninterested in me. we've had countless talks and heart to hearts and they always say the same things: "i love you", "i never take this ring off"(matching rings i borrowed from hot topic), "i only want you", "you're beautiful". yet i still find myself wearing tight dresses, doing my makeup, obsessing over my weight and performance and attitude just so that i can feel like they're pleased.
Here's the kicker. They basically use me as an emotional support partner. horny? free use. happy? celebrate together. sad? cry on my shoulder. angry at me? talk to me like i'm the homie. But recently they got distant. they won't tell me what's going on in their head, they'll squeeze me tight and use me for comfort but won't let me help fix whatever is wrong and i'm beginning to feel like maybe they're trying to get used to not needing me or something.
I keep telling myself to ignore them, that they'll pass and i probably just need some rest. Up until this point i kept pushing off my feelings thinking that maybe i'm just stressed and i'm taking it out on myself(i do that sometimes) but this was my last straw. my partner's great grandparent just passed away they popped up at my job crying and told me they needed the car. i asked what was wrong and they explained that the family member had just passed and they needed to go to them. they said i didn't have to leave work and they would "figure something out" i immediately disagreed and told my manager that i had to leave. in the almost 2 hour car ride we hardly said anything to each other and they seemed very to themself.
I understand that maybe it's just grief, i've lost many people, i know how it feels to be numb, but when we got to the hospital they told me park the car and wait. as they began to get out the car i could see they were teary eyed and scared to go in, i offered to come but they told me no. as soon as i was completely alone i broke down. i feel sad and empathetic towards them because i know losing a loved one is like taking a bullet to the chest every day for the rest of your life, but a small part of me is whispering that they don't need me there because they don't really want me to be there.
having thoughts like these, especially in times like these cannot possibly be normal. Why does every decision i make and action i take have to consider them and what they'd think of me after. why do i constantly tell myself the complete opposite of that they tell me? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME

This time it is a stalker form the muslim community And this tome they uave stalked me.to real life, hacked camera footage and tried to discredit any evidence and recorded me and tried to discredit me by making me say things like "I took my spiritual clothes off" and tried to slander me chastity after stealing medical pictures.
I do not want to go the police police i have beem followed and nearly kicked Ive been accused of having r*pe fantasies and asking for it to happen apparently. I have no concrete proof. This is what I have been led tp understand from phonecalls and multiple people using the same words and patterns to harass and question me. Usually over phone or on person. They have bribed people to call me delusional
They have accused me of talking to men shamelessly yet asked me to talk to them. They have baited me for personal info then accused me of beong top open when I respond. They have stolen my medical records and denied my injiru and instead accused me sexually (I have read high rated stuff and shared them on private with girls and had medical pics. Like even a swollen stomach not womb area... I feel sick. They have also insinuated spyong on me and my health stuff. And have tried to medically gaslight me despite stealing medical records woth propf pf onjiry and sending to my phone via discord download somehow. ) Whatever horror stories I read wotj girls... none should invade that.
All this fpr speak9mg aboit thwm them to famoly To therapu therapy they have syalked my family.
Any time I had concrete proof they have tried tp sabotage me I dont care of i sound paranoid.
I havee read stories about abuse as therapy. Its supposed to be private therapy with girls girls this creep found out by hacking.
I dont know where to go Muslims on non muslim they qant tp take away my privacy and pirity by "exposing".
I do not wish to go to the police.
At this point i just want to know what they did with my pics. And of other men saw me.. Tho now they gaslight me on that too... I will not marry. I will not live shamelessly or marry creeps like these after theu degrade me and "offer" if I beg saying ha didn't I think I had more dignity.
What did o do to deserve this.
They even fabricated messages from.me.amd stoleessages the korean stalker fabricated as me sending to them when I didn't.
At least ... I'd like to know what is said about me. This has been horrific. I'd like to know so I can know how to live my life. I just wanna know. I am tired. Even the korean stalker had more integrity and did not invade therapy or had people irl follow me and did not target me for police reports.
Se brothers from the last post were very kind to me with advice. But i believe because of this manipulator they blocked.me This.man even hacks messages. I dont uave concrete proof and I guess now people will npt beloeve me. I wish I could talk to sisters but idk who will believe me.
For what its worth
. I've never done anything. I've never sold myself or my pics the pics are medical pics. I read x rated horror stuff in private with other girls as therapy. I never wanted this creep to hack tjat off me. Or use that to eve tease me. I had a swollen stomach due to blood clot and a straddle injury. On one of the medical pics. I had mercy on the family member who injured me
They have had others bait me by manipulating anyome I trust or have problems with me. Out of residual love. So yeah i recanted to the police And now they are accusing that to say i am a bad girl and see I recanted. I do npt know this man I just wanted him to leave alpne me amd my family. Idk why he is so determined to be known by me.and my family to hold onto info they guilted out of me and npt delete saying I "entrusted them.and tied myself to you" Now it seems he has made muslims and creeps follow me. Then troed to say I'll imagining or when I iave proof sayong its multiple isolated incidents recently. I would rather be honour killed. Not suicidal Or delusional
I have lost faith in muslins. I jist pray to Allah tp help me I have lost faith in Muslims they alsp told others they know.my family and not tp help me.or listen to me. While causing problems for me. For years.
I have a feeling no one here will listen to me I have already been blocked by some people I trusted.
But Allah gave this voice to me.
For typoes. Forgive me

Hey Reddit fam,
I'm reaching out today with a heavy heart about a dear friend of mine who's been facing an uphill battle since 2020. She is a single mother of three who took the courageous step to leave a toxic and violent marriage to protect herself and her kids.
Despite the immense challenges she's faced, Sarah has been determined to rebuild her life and provide for her family. She's a talented graphic designer and has poured her heart and soul into creating beautiful artwork and designs, which she sells on Redbubble to make ends meet.
However, despite her incredible talent and hard work, her is struggling to generate sales on Redbubble. It breaks my heart to see someone with so much potential facing this kind of setback, especially when she's already been through so much.
I'm incredibly proud of her for her strength and resilience, but I can't help but wish there was more I could do to support her. That's where you come in, Reddit. If you're in the market for some unique and creative cat clothing and accessories, please consider checking out her Redbubble shop CutieCatz.redbubble.com, where you'll find a variety of original designs ranging from quirky to heartfelt.
She would hate it if she found out I was posting about this since she is very humble and would consider this "charity". But I can't sit here and not do anything in my power to try and help her find some customers.
Let's rally together as a community and show Sarah that she's not alone in this journey. Together, we can make a difference in the lives of this amazing woman and her beautiful family. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your kindness and support.

WomenHelpingWomen #CommunitySupport #SingleMom #CatGraphicDesign

Got time off work all of a sudden that had to be taken during GW and my partner REALLY wanted to do Japan. I was game - I’ve been to Japan twice before, so it didn’t bother me that we’d have to be flexible and potentially miss/skip stuff.
How I booked/planned ⤵️
Exactly 3 weeks out, I booked flights to Haneda (used points, but they were about $900 from the East Coast). I booked all our lodging within the airline ticket 24 hour cancellation window. I wanted to be able to call off the trip and go somewhere else if I couldn’t lock down good lodging.
I booked 4 nights in Osaka at the Moxy in Shin Umeda using Marriott points. While the location wasn’t the most convenient of all time, it was a nice hotel and still in an okay area. I did request a room upgrade using my Platinum Elite benefits and they were not able to fulfill the request. May not have been a GW thing but I blame GW.
I wanted to do an overnight to Yakushima or Miyajima but both were too booked up. I switched gears and scored the very last room at the very last temple stay available in Koyasan. I paid $331 for what ended up being a gigantic room in a highly rated temple 5 minutes walk from Kongobuji (main attraction of Koyasan). Having looked up their non-Golden Week rates, I believe I paid a premium of ~$100 over the normal price. Really glad it worked out this way as Koyasan was very tranquil and uncrowded.
Surprisingly, the Art Islands were not totally booked out. I was able to book the exact hotel I wanted in Uno port for the exact dates I wanted. The price was about $40/night higher than normal. The only option left was a dorm room, which I expected to be a capsule, but it turned out their “dorm” rooms are all private rooms! The downside was a communal shower, but I never even used it because the stay came with free entry every day to the incredible seaside hot spring spa next door!
For the last night in Tokyo before flying out, I got a capsule at the exact hostel I wanted. I would have booked a private room if one was available, but for a stay totaling only 10 hours, the capsule was fine.
My partner reserved all our shinkansen tickets 1 week in advance using Smart Ex, and also reserved our seats on the train to Koyasan (not shinkansen, but reservation only). We actually ended up changing several of our reservations during the trip without any issues. For example, for the shinkansen ride from Okayama to Tokyo, we moved up our departure time twice the day of and booked an oversized luggage compartment at the last minute. I don’t believe any shinkansens we took allowed unreserved seats during GW so there was never any risk of having to stand.
I got scared off by posts about taking the shinkansen out of Tokyo on April 27, so I chose to fly to Osaka instead. Our transit ended up being nice and relaxed that way, plus I could take advantage of JAL domestic one-way flights being only 7.5k AA miles. I booked the flights 2 weeks in advance without any issues.
My partner booked ebike rentals and museum tickets for Naoshima and Teshima 3 weeks in advance. The only ticket we couldn’t get was Art House Project Kinza which is extremely difficult to get under ordinary circumstances anyway. It turned out our booking didn’t actually go through for Chichu Art Museum on Naoshima, and we didn’t realize it until the day of! It was obviously fully sold out during GW so I panicked but my partner kept refreshing the booking page throughout the day and several last-minute tickets popped up from cancellations.
In terms of meals, I didn’t bother with more than 1-2 restaurant reservations. We did fancy kaiseki meals, two different fancy wagyu experiences, and a high end sushi omakase in Japan less than a year ago. That doesn’t mean I winged it though. I planned every single meal in advance, and built our itinerary around restaurant opening times so we could always beat the queue. I also mapped out backup restaurants in case places were unexpectedly closed for GW, which did happen twice. Honestly not a bad idea to do so no matter when you travel, since Japanese businesses randomly close all the time.
Fully detailed itinerary below ⤵️
Day 1 (Saturday): Arrived HND. Left almost 3 hours between international arrival and domestic departure to Osaka. This ended up being way overkill but I didn’t know what kind of crowds to expect during GW.
Arrived at Itami late evening. Went out to see Massimiliano Pagliara’s DJ set at Compufunk Records until almost 3.
Day 2 (Sunday): Mostly a shopping day other than a quick stop at Namba Yasaka shrine. Hit the Tojiro knife store, Graf and Meetdish for fancy homewares, Indigena for all things vintage Snoopy, and Lara Vintage for vintage European womenswear where I scored some incredible pieces.
Got lunch at Oretachino-curry since the seafood izakaya I wanted to visit turned out to be closed for GW.
Got coffee at Glitch (the GOAT) and okonomiyaki & yakisoba for dinner at Ajinoya Honten.
I got a heavenly dry head spa treatment at I Refre Shinsaibashi while my partner window shopped in Denden town. Wanted Rikuro cheesecake afterward but it was mobbed and sold out so got consolation Mister Donut.
Day 3 (Monday): Successfully obtained Rikuro cheesecake in the shinkansen station on the way to Himeji!
Siphon coffee at the most charming shop in Himeji called Hamamoto Coffee (3.61 on Tabelog). No queue.
Visited Himeji Castle (busy but not uncomfortably so) & Kokoen Gardens (not busy) in the morning and Mt. Shosha/Engyoji (practically empty) in the afternoon. Got lunch at Ramen Koba in between. No queue.
Did more shopping after getting back to Osaka at Moyi Store (pottery), And Wander (gorpcore), Snowpeak (camping), and Mr. Kanso (tinned fish).
Horumonyaki for dinner at Yakiniku Susumu. No queue.
Day 4 (Tuesday): Woke up unnecessarily early to go to Kizu Market for breakfast at Maruyoshi Sushi. No queue.
Had really good tea and wagashi in even better pottery at Wad Omotenashi. No queue.
Hours of vintage clothing shopping at ACORN, Post Acorn, Kindal, NATS, and Village. If I came to Osaka again I’d definitely stay in Kitahorie or Minamisemba!
Got lunch at Udon Kyutaro (3.83 on Tabelog, no queue) and coffee at Aoma Coffee.
Walked through Kuromon Market then went tax-free shopping at Shinsaibashi Parco for random stuff like Miffy merch at Kiddyland, Hario coffee gear at Hands, and SK-II (IYKYK). Also did a ton of skincare shopping at Matsu Kiyo.
Dinner at Dotonbori Kani Doraku. Admittedly a tourist trap, but super tasty - glad I had a reservation as the wait was bananas. Got dessert at Cheese Tart Pablo. Short queue despite being in an incredibly crowded shopping street.
Day 5 (Wednesday): Traveled to Koyasan. Walked around and saw all the main shrines, had lunch at Hanabishi since the tofu shop I wanted to visit was closed for GW. Onsen at our temple stay before the shojin ryori dinner.
Did the obligatory and stunning night walk through Okunoin cemetery. We passed by the guided tour from Ekoin and were so glad we decided against it. It was way more magical being on our own in the misty dark night.
Day 6 (Thursday): Morning prayers and breakfast set meal at the temple, then looong travel to Uno for the Art Islands leg of the trip. Lunch at 551 Horai when changing trains in Osaka 🤤
Got kakigori at Omachido on reaching Uno, then took the ferry to Naoshima. Walked to the Lee Ufan and Benesse Art Museums and ate fresh locally farmed flounder at Yuunagi. No queues.
Closed out the night in the seaside rotenburo under the stars at Setouchi Onsen Tamanoyu.
Day 7 (Friday): Grabbed breakfast at the Marunaka grocery store, took the ferry to Teshima, and picked up our e-bike rentals from Setouchi Karen.
Hit Teshima Art Museum, Les Archives du Coeur, La Foret des Murmures, Needle Factory, and the Teshima Yokoo House. Got lunch at Shima along the way. No queue.
More kakigori at Omachido after getting the ferry back to Uno. Long queue! For dinner we had a very nice 14-course yakitori omakase at Sumi Habaki (Michelin Bib Gourmand). This was a reservation we had our hotel make for us a couple weeks in advance.
Hit the onsen again. It was a touch busy. More families with little kids than I’m used to seeing. GW problems.
Day 8 (Saturday): Grabbed breakfast at Marunaka again, took the ferry to Naoshima where there was an open-air marché going on right at the ferry terminal. Got a bunch of cute pottery and then took photos of the iconic red Kusama pumpkin.
Picked up e-bike rentals at Ougiya, booked it to Honmura lounge to get the best chance of a convenient entry time for Minamidera.
Saw Go’o Shrine, Kadoya, Gokaisho, Ishibashu, Chichu Art Museum, where we also had lunch at the cafe, Minamidera, Haisha, Tadao Ando Museum, Hiroshi Sugimoto Time Corridors, the yellow pumpkin, and Valley Gallery.
Ferried back to Uno, then headed to Tokyo, with a stop in Okayama where we got ramen at Fujiya. No queue.
Was so tired on reaching my hostel UNPLAN Kagurazaka that I just ate a Manneken waffle and passed out.
Day 9 (Sunday): Walked around Kagurazaka-dori and visited Tokyo Daijingu shrine.
Half the reason I stayed in Kagurazaka was so I could get breakfast at Pain des Philosophes (3.86 on Tabelog). Bread made with koshihikari koji and tangzhong 🔥 I only arrived 10 minutes before open and there was a substantial queue already.
Then immediately queued again at Tsujihan for their iiiiincredible kaisen don. Again, arrived 20 minutes before open but the queue was substantial.
My last stop before leaving for Haneda was tax-free shopping for souvenirs at the incredible Akomeya La Kagu. The other half of why I stayed in Kagurazaka. Got soo many fancy homewares and gourmet food items like hinoki room spray, kyoho grape jelly, Yuzusco hot sauce, a Tembea leather wallet, etc.
Haneda was not that busy. Had a nightmare scenario last summer where it took almost 2 hours just to get through the bag check queue. This time I had plenty of time to shop for Royce chocolates and eat Rokurinsha before my flight.

This shit fucking sucks, for clarification I'm just over 3 months on T and more fem androgynous (ignoring my dropped voice).
He's a pansexual cis guy, who is very active in the lgbtq community here. (friends with drag kings/queens, his best friend ended up being a trans girl I dated earlier this year.)
With women, I love dating them bc it comes so fluidly for me? I feel in my element, and I don't mind being seen as 'queer' for being with a woman by others bc I do see it like that and it's beautiful.
With men, and particularly cis men I am just, it's confusing. He's bigger than me, not just in height but in the way his hand can literally close over mine or his thumb and pinky can easily encircle my whole wrist.
I can't interlock our hands, we have to hold them different bc my hand is too small. His clothes dwarf me, and when we hug I feel how broad his shoulders are and I want to cry.
He's very cute, his personality is nice and I like him a lot I think and he's wanting to move into something more serious via meeting his family. Who he has told I use 'they/he' pronouns, mine are he/they but really he/him except I never really do that on my socials.
I'm so dysphoric about how straight we look, how tiny I am and how I'm probably going to meet his family and be the 'quirky girlfriend'. I don't know how to get over it but I'm in this overthinking state where I'm trying to dress hyper masculinely to feel more 'okay'.
My queerness means a lot to me also, and I know it doesn't change ever but it's just being with a guy I'm at the point in my transition where I feel like I'm just this awkward costume of a man or the 'middle ground.'
How do I get over this or communicate this? We've only been dating for a short while and the only thing he knows about my identity is just it being queer in general, that I'm on T and my pronouns.

When I lived with my in laws I went on a trip out of town with them .
The only people who stayed back in the home were my brother in law and her wife.
When I got back home from the trip and went into my husband and my room I had a weird feeling to go check inside my closet.
It felt like something was pulling me into there then I put my hand into a random bag in my closet ... And I pulled out one of my husband's younger sister's t shirt that had been cut all up ???
I didn't do this.... I had no idea how that got into my room and how that shirt was all torn up like that it was previously a nice shirt I had just seen my husband's sister wear before we had left home out of town. ...
I took the shirt and went into the kitchen and asked everyone including my husband's brother's wife if they knew how that got in my closet and what it was??
My husband's brother's wife wouldn't make eye contact with me and looked directly up at the ceiling, my husband's little sister who's shirt it was said to me what is my shirt doing in your closet all cut up?? And she asked me to just throw it away.
Did my husband's brother's wife do some black magic stuff on me?
Can anyone who is familiar with shamanism tell me if this is anything related to the practice at all or just something weird ?
It felt almost like voo doo or something or someone trying to put a hex on me ....
I am white and Latin and grew up Christian and my husband's family converted to Christianity when he was very young so he does not remember much about shamanism.
And then after that one of my favorite bras went missing from the dryer right next to her room when I went to get my clothes it was no where to be found it was a 60 dollar bra too, not cheap by any means. The day after it was missing I could almost swear I saw her wearing it.... She was wearing like a see through shirt and I could make out the lace from my old missing bra through her shirt. ... It's either that or she owned the same one as me....
I never retaliated or never seeked any spiritual counsel on this matter and then a couple weeks later her bedroom was infested with flies like a crazy amount of them and only in her room.... She was really scared and asked my husband's parents to pray for her. ..

So, it's been six years since we've been together, and I've noticed this one thing keeps popping up in our relationship.
Last night, I could tell my husband wasn't exactly his usual chipper self with our 4-year-old. So, I asked him straight up if something was bothering him or if he was mad. He just looked at me with this blank expression and replied, "Nah, babe, I'm all good." But deep down, I could sense there was more to it. His poker face and tone didn't match, you know? So, I asked again, calmly this time, if he was annoyed because our little one wasn't ready to hit the sack. He responded with the same blank tone, not even bothering to glance my way, and said, "Nope, not mad. I’m a normal person." before diving under the blanket. Left me feeling completely puzzled.
Take note, English isn't our native language, so I switched to our dialect when I asked him if he was upset, to which he replied in the same language but made an affort to say "I'm a normal person" in English.
Now, my partner knows about my BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which I just got doagnosed last year, which I now regret bringing up to him because of all the stigma. Yeah, I have my moments and lapses and I admit and I take accountability if it was my fault or if I just overreacted but I never resort to giving the silent treatment. Yes, I ask reassurance if feeling abandoned. I always try to calmly talk things out. Understanding the other person just in case I missed something and would always make sure to communicate as much as I can in a calm manner so the other person know how I am feeling or what’s really up. But every time I ask if something's up, he just gives me this cold, emotionless response, like there's nothing to talk about.
If someone asked me if I seek reassurance because of my BPD... Yup, I totally do. I'd be like, "Hey, you seem kinda off today. What's up?" And he'd just give me this look like it's a pain to even hear that question and go, "Nah, nothing." But in my head, it just doesn't add up. If nothing's wrong, why the weird vibe? So, I try to ask him why he's got that tone if everything's cool, thinking maybe he needs some cheering up after a tough day at work. But all I get is a big sigh and him rolling his eyes most of the time.
This has been a thing for ages. I've tried talking calmly about why I don't deserve that tone. I just want to get it, you know? I'm all happy to see him, and then bam! I get hit with this annoyed tone. That's why sometimes I need reassurance, 'cause my brain's telling me he's gonna bail. And even when he's clearly in the wrong, he can't even apologize properly. It's always just a quick "okay, sorry!" like it's a chore for him. He's also the same guy who calls me "crazy" ever since we found out I got BPD whenever I try to explain why it hurts when he's not sincere about apologizing for his own mistakes. Yeah, I end up crying.
But he's also the same guy who tells me he loves me and cuddles me like there's no tomorrow. And our sex life? It's great. He provides for the family. But when it comes to being open about our feelings, he just shuts down. Last night, I asked him what he even thinks about us always being in this situation where it feels like I'm the only one trying to fix things, and I felt like I hit a brick wall. He just shuts off. I feel lonely, like I can't talk to him. But on other stuff, he's fine. He's funny. But when it comes to emotions, he's like a vault.
I've put up with this behavior for six years, always forgiving him first even without getting a proper "I'm really sorry, honey. I messed up, and you have every right to be upset." It's like he gets mad if I don't just accept his half-hearted apology and then gets even madder if I ask for an explanation.
I remember this one night we went to a friend's party back in 2022. It was their kid's birthday, and there was this super attractive guest there, catching everyone's eye, including mine. I saw my husband sneaking glances whenever he could, and if he caught me looking, he'd pretend like nothing was up. I get it, she was stunning. But when I tried to distract him by complimenting the decorations, he acted like he didn't even hear me. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe I was just being paranoid and projecting my insecurities. Maybe it was just my low self-esteem. But then, he got up, got our kid a cupcake, handed it to me, and rearranged his chair so he was facing her table. That was the last straw for me.
I kept it together until we left, and in the car, I asked him if he enjoyed the party. He said yeah, it was fun. So, I joked, "Did you find the lady behind you attractive? Caught you glancing a lot." But deep down, it stung. His immediate reaction? "What?! No way. You're just overreacting. Her partner was there. How could I be attracted to her?" Then he just laughed it off, like I'm some nutcase making wild accusations. I tried to brush it off and even apologized for maybe overthinking things, but he just looked pissed. It gave me this gut feeling like he was just making an excuse.
Fast forward to 2023, when our friend who threw that party mentioned that the same lady my husband was eyeing was caught cheating with some drug dealer. Her partner was a hardworking guy, too. Everyone was shocked. When we got home, I brought it up again, saying I couldn't believe she'd cheat on her good guy of a husband. And my husband just shrugged, saying, "That's life." So, I asked him, jokingly but also testing the waters, "Be honest, did you really find her attractive and were sneaking looks?" He replied, "Well, she was pretty. Looked like Elisse Joson." (Elisse Joson is an actress in our country.) That was it for me. I gave him one more chance, asking why he lied and made me feel crazy for feeling disrespected of how he was doing that right in front of me. He just said, "Sorry," and I was shattered because deep down, I knew the truth. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, thinking it was all in my head, but now he was confessing. I looked at myself in the mirror, feeling worn out, and asked him if I looked ugly. He hugged me tight, saying he thinks I'm beautiful and acting all lovey dovey. But after that party incident by the way, I spiraled. I ordered all sorts of diet pills, ate less and less, and wore nice clothes even though I'm just a stay-at-home mom. That gut feeling made me feel so ugly. And now, with his confession, I broke down because I knew I was being lied to, but I still trusted him. He always said he comes home to me, never late, and that I'm the only one he finds attractive because if I wasn't, he'd go find someone else.
It's just weird how he can say everything's fine but then act all distant and annoyed, especially right before I ask if he's sure about how he's feeling.
Dealing with the awareness of my BPD and constantly questioning whether it's my brain being sensitive or my gut telling me the truth is exhausting. I just need some opinions on this. On one hand, he helps out with cleaning, supports me being a stay-at-home mom to take care of our kid, sometimes does the grocery runs, and takes me out on dates, does laundry. I appreciate all of that, but it also makes me feel like I can't fully relax in the relationship. I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it.
Any advice would be really helpful. And I'm totally open to answering any follow-up questions as best as I can. Thanks, everyone.

To make things easier, I wrote a things I liked about him and things I didn’t like about him list TW: mentions of SH
Liked: -Has been picking up and taking me to the gym 2-3x per week (paying for my membership) for the past 2 years -Most of the time opened doors for me and also reracked my weights for me at the gym - Took me out of town almost every saturday - Made me feel pretty about my insecurities, (my skin color, nose, etc) - Payed for my spotify every month - 6ft, attractive -Could cook - Didn’t smoke or drink - understanding about me and my period cramps and PMS - Never made me pay for a meal (asked me to sometimes though) - Had a goal for the future and knew what he was doing as far as work, didn’t want me to work and wanted to provide for me later on in life -Nice car -No female friends -No porn addiction - waited almost two years for me to graduate
Didn’t like: -Broke up with me because I had one sexual experience before I met him -Couldn’t hang out with friends outside of school, had to ask to go to school events -Told me he would be sad if I ever got fat - Bashed other girls in front of me, called them whores for what they wore, got mad if I didn’t agree with him - Fetishized muslim girls, told me about his sexual fantasy of me being in an abaya and hijab (i am NOT muslim) - Not understanding that I am family oriented and always wanting me to pick him over my family to hang out with - would say I didn’t love him if i didn’t want to have sex with him - I couldn’t talk to other guys, no handshakes when greeting except for church - constantly asked me to make him food weekly and would get mad if I wouldn’t - Weird humor ?? his parents are really old so he had like outdated humor - compared me to a used beat up car - got aggresive with me in public, made me cry in the middle of a restaurant once - Got mad if I didn’t reply to him quickly, even though he would take just as long or longer sometimes - Didn’t like how I dressed, allowed me to only wear maxi skirts and pants - called me mama in a baby voice - would be nicer to me only after we had sex - would guilt trip me into going raw - got mad at me whenever I stressed over a pregnancy scare - Bashed me for wearing makeup and eyelashes, (I wear eyeliner, foundation, and 13 mm lashes for reference) - wanted me to block my friends after highschool - Told me he didn’t like my gym clothes and that they were too tight, (I wore a longsleeve and leggings) - One of those people that played tiktoks on full blast - Got mad at me for not buying a $50 preworkout with a amazon gift card I got for christmas (i’m unemployed and he is employed) - made me take out my piercings - didn’t want me to shave my back ?? and when I did he told me that was a sign he couldn’t trust me - Would get mad over how I walked ?? I walk with my hips if that makes sense - Didn’t offer to pay for my stuff at the stores ever, would make us pay separately even if it was a $5 item I had - would get mad if I dyed my hair black (i’m a brunette) - compared me to his friends gfs - had to walk on eggshells with him, had to agree with everything he said - Him constantly bashing me and never making me feel like enough regardless of changing so much for him lead me to starving myself and beginning a self harm addiction (which he called me immature for doing)
I’m a goth so I only attract a few guys and I feel like I won’t ever find another guy with the positive traits he has that’s attracted to me too.

hello. My name is Mila, I'm originally from Manhattan, New York, but now I live in Newark, which is a long way from Manhattan, and every time I look at my house, which is pushed out of the center of the city every year and I have to move, I think about Korea a lot.
To give you a little bit of my family history, my parents were born in the northern part of Manhattan, and they were college classmates who married as adults and had me at the age of 21.
The income gap between the highly educated and the less educated has become ridiculous, so I'm trying to get into college at any cost, because it's not the same as when my parents' generation didn't go to college and had a lot of opportunities, so a lot of people my age are trying to go to community college.
I also accepted the opinion of my parents, who felt sorry for my family's growing poverty, and enrolled in a four-year university if I could afford it.Contrary to popular belief, there are detailed educational requirements for every industry in Korea.
As far as I know, when you apply to work in a restaurant in Korea, there are no specific qualifications, but rather, depending on your experience, you may be paid differently, and in the case of large restaurants, the requirements for managers and store managers are the same as the requirements for hiring: how many years you have worked in a restaurant or how many square meters of restaurant you have managed.
The same is true in the U.S. Large restaurants need managers or store managers, and like in Korea, there is an additional requirement of a four-year college degree in addition to some work experience.
My mother has been a manager in a large restaurant for a long time, overseeing the store, hiring employees, and actively resolving conflicts between employees, and I question whether it is reasonable that a manager who has done such things as actively resolving conflicts between employees needs a four-year college diploma to become a manager, which is a higher level than that.My mother has been a manager in a large restaurant in the United States for a long time, and everyone recognizes that she is good at dealing with employees, and has overwhelming skills and knowledge in all aspects of the store, but because she does not have a college diploma, she is not promoted to a manager. She said that there have been many times when she and my mother have had conflicts because someone 20 years younger than her came in and sat in the manager's chair and gave her orders that were not appropriate for the restaurant's situation. And whenever there is such a conflict, my mother, who has worked as a manager for many years, is often right and the manager's dignity is destroyed.
At one point, my mother, who was actually running and managing the store, finally got fed up and said she was going to quit her job and take a better offer elsewhere. The store manager caught her, and her offer was, "I'll be the manager. It was a very simple offer, a reasonable offer, but because she didn't have a four-year diploma, the owner refused, and my mother ended up quitting the restaurant because she didn't have a four-year diploma.
Shortly after she quit her job, another large restaurant offered her a job as a manager and a higher salary, but she had to leave the restaurant she had been working at for 20 years, and she struggled with depression for a while because she had to leave the restaurant she had been working at for 20 years, and she was not able to work with her close coworkers.
When I was in Korea, many of my Korean friends would say that Korea is the most meritocratic country in the world, that it's full of meritocracy, but I don't think that's true at all, and even when the news or media says that Korea is not meritocratic, my younger Korean friends would say that Korea is the most meritocratic country in the world.
At the same time, I know that in my small company, people in high positions, such as team managers and deputy managers, are not graduate school graduates, or even have only high school diplomas, and Koreans my age have always complained about it, and I know that I can't talk to them because I wish they could come to the United States and experience the cruel reality.
I realized that because of that situation and the negative perception of Korea, there is an atmosphere of pushing education where it's not necessary and not asking the question, "Why don't you have a diploma?" and I think that's a good thing for Koreans.
Before I went to Korea, I worked at a small company in Manhattan after graduating from college.It was really easy to get a job in the U.S., where meritocracy is more prevalent.I felt that the haves and have-nots have more leeway.I applied for a small job in a small company, and because I had a four-year diploma, I was able to get a job pretty easily, and I worked there. But I had to learn by asking the high school graduates below me to do the work, and they would look at me pathetically and laugh at me, saying, "Why can't a four-year graduate do this?" and sarcastically, "Why would a smart person ask me this? In my first professional life, I found this behavior and appearance strange, so I had a meeting with the team leader and told him about my concerns that no one taught me how to do the job, and that the employees below me didn't want to work with me and didn't transfer their skills to me.
Unlike Korea, in the U.S., you can be fired overnight, and it's legal, so you have to pack up and leave the day after you are fired.
My happy week of buying expensive suits and thinking about buying my parents a used car because I was expecting to get a pretty high salary came to an end, and I tried to find a job again.There was a training center for people like me who knew nothing about business, so I went there for three months and succeeded in finding a job again.
The way to survive was simple: never give away my know-how, my tips and tricks, keep it to myself, and never look incompetent, because the moment you look incompetent, the moment your know-how is sucked out of you, you become an insect shell eaten by a spider, and the next day you're fired, and it's no wonder, society is like a jungle.
I worked for an American company for three years, and even though I was working for a long time, my life was not easy. The poverty that my parents had was not going to end in my generation. I don't know if I went to graduate school, but with only four years of education, I didn't earn a livable salary.
Unless you're able to improve your skills and get a job at one of the top companies in the US, life is generally tough.My classmates were facing the same problem.Unlike my parents' generation, most of my generation lives with their parents.Housing is ridiculously expensive, and as soon as you move out on your own, you have to pay half your salary in rent.It's better for me and for them to share the cost of living with my parents.
No matter how frugal and thrifty I was, I always had no money to save, so I opened a microcredit account, which is a miraculous negative creative economy that increases the amount of money I borrow every month for living expenses.Everything ends the day I get fired for not working hard enough at my company, but the atmosphere makes it really easy to get fired, so I struggle every day.
As the years went by, I was unable to renew my monthly contract and had to move out of Manhattan, because it seemed like I could save money and at least end my negative lifestyle by spending an extra 20 minutes a day commuting to work. I looked up the salary levels of other countries and realized that Americans make the most money, but I was even more surprised to find that they also pay a lot more for housing and all kinds of consumption patterns.
It was even more surprising to find that people in countries like Canada, Germany, France, and the UK, which have high incomes like the US, do not have much more savings than people who work and spend in other countries, but people in countries like Italy and South Korea seem to have a better structure, and yet the average person in those countries still has a dream of buying their own home, which has value as a real estate asset, and is working to realize it.
I made up my mind to go to South Korea, where I was told that being an English teacher would provide me with a stable job and that the cost of living was not that expensive.
I would have to take a much lower salary than in the U.S., but I knew that I would have a negative life in the U.S., so I wanted to leave, whether it was Korea or anywhere else.So in 2018, I left for Korea.
I was able to get a job right away, and I rented a small room near where I got the job for $400,000 a month, and it was much bigger than my room in the U.S. It was much cleaner, and it was much safer than my parents' neighborhood, which had been pushed to the outskirts of the city.
I've been speaking English all my life, but teaching it to Korean students is quite a different matter, so I had a crisis moment: I thought, "Am I going to get fired for this?" And as if that fear was real, the director pulled me aside, and I was sitting in the director's office, and I was afraid that the director was going to give me a notice of termination.
But the director told me that I was new to teaching English and that he could see that I was struggling, that he would assign a teacher around me who would give me advice, and that I should work on my skills even after work. I thought I was being fired, but he said that he would try to improve my skills, and I couldn't help but be touched by that.I was a student in that English school, teaching students and learning teaching skills at the same time.
Koreans don't fire people easily, and I benefited from that, because unless you quit voluntarily, Koreans take it for granted that you're going to teach your juniors, and they don't think of it as taking all their know-how away from them.I learned a lot from the other American teachers at the school.
The American teachers also told me that this is Korea, so this is possible, and that they would have been very uncomfortable in the U.S. The Americans were also very adaptable to the Korean way of life, and they sympathized with the idea that there are many good things about Korea.
And I was paid a salary of 2 million won in Korea, which was the lowest salary I've ever been paid in my career as a tutor. It was almost half of what I was paid in the U.S., but I was happy with it. In the U.S., I shared my rent with my parents, but I still had to give them half of my salary. But in Korea, I only had to pay five percent of my salary, and that was it, even with utilities.
In addition, I rented a house near my workplace, so I didn't have to pay for transportation, and the only money I spent was for necessities and food.
I bought what I needed without thinking about it, and I bought one or two seasonal clothes every month without spending a fortune.My philosophy of consumption in Korea was to buy and spend as much as I needed, but not to splurge.
I decided to save 300,000 won, which I kept for all three years I was in Korea, and it was amazing, because it was the first time in my life that I had ever saved money, and Korea made it possible.
I actually kept the savings for a year, and when it expired, I took the money and put it all into a microcredit account that I had in the U.S., and then I started paying off the microcredit account at $400,000 or $500,000 a month.
As the years went by, my salary increased, so I was able to afford it, and life in Korea was very comfortable, and I quit my job at the end of three years, of my own volition, and moved back to the U.S. This decision turned out to be the worst possible outcome, because during the height of the pandemic, the U.S. and Japan were throwing money around like crazy, like they were competing for number one in the world. Japan pumped astronomical amounts of money into companies and the asset value market, so it didn't feel like it was pumped to the Japanese people, but the US pumped almost the same amount of money into its people.
Of course, I had to consider the cost of living in the U.S. to some extent, but when I considered the choice between the U.S., where I was paid 3.8 million won without working, and Korea, where I was paid 2.8 million won while working, I chose to stay in the U.S. and receive 3.8 million won every month.
Honestly, I was happy for about a year when I came back to the U.S. I thought I was overflowing with money because my mother, father, and I received that 3.8 million won. The economy was difficult at the time, so the rent went down, so it was more comfortable, and the price of goods went down because they were not sold.
And now, after a year of bliss, I'm tasting hell.The side effect of the huge unemployment benefits has blown up.After the unemployment period is over, many people have found jobs again.
But all that free money and insane inflation is a pain in the ass.Surprisingly, the average American's paycheck has risen tremendously since Covid, but the cost of living has risen even more.
I got a job in a small office in Manhattan and make $500,000 a year, but in 2018, life is harder than it was when I left the U.S. In the past, I could eat a sandwich for $10, but now I have to pay $30.It's ridiculous.
The cost of living in Manhattan has gone crazy, and the salary hasn't increased much.Even investment managers from professional investment firms who have graduated from graduate school and have great skills have a hard time living in Manhattan.I work in Manhattan with a salary of just over $500,000, but I spend 20% of my salary on lunch, and 50% on housing.And after buying necessities, I have to dip into my savings account again.
I regret coming to the U.S. My American friends who are still working at English language schools in Korea are also reporting that although there are salary increases and inflation in Korea, they are not saving less or in a position to save more.
In addition, since so many Americans have returned to their home countries during the pandemic, the price of native English tutors in Korea has increased, and I've heard that a good English tutor can get paid as much as $400,000.
This was shocking, and it was enough to make me wish that I could go back to Korea and live there again, but unfortunately, I was not able to.
I can't go back to Korea because I don't have enough money and it's hard, but it's a small price to pay to be able to spend time with my parents.If you look at money, it's right to go to Korea, but life isn't all about money.So I can't go back to Korea.I would love to go to Korea with my parents, but they are afraid to go to Korea, and I don't think it's something I can force them to do.
I have hospital expenses this month, and I'm going to have to spend more money than my salary by taking it out of my savings account, so I have a lot of different thoughts.If you're in the same situation as me, and you're in a situation where it's not difficult to go abroad, you should consider going to Korea, because it's okay.And in Europe, I think Italy is okay like Korea, but there's almost no demand for native speakers there, so move according to your ability.First of all, it's not the United States.

Hi there,
Posting mostly on behalf of my mother, but as she's an only child a lot of these questions will eventually affect myself and brothers.
My mom is the only child of her mother and stepfather. Both in their late 80s, still living independently, but their quality of life and function is deteriorating rapidly, and has been over the last few years. At this juncture they are no longer bathing regularly, cleaning their house, washing their clothes, going to doctors appointments, paying their bills (not all unpaid...but several forgotten) or functioning/participating in any healthy behaviors. They drink nearly all day, and we haven't seen it ourselves, but we understand they do go out driving.
They refuse help, they refuse to acknowledge the problem. They dismiss any and all concerns from their daughter, me, or anyone in their vicinity. Their memories are slipping, and they respond to the confusion with anger and more stubbornness and denial. Neighbors have called social services and the police on them several times. My mom is desperate to find a solution before one of them ends up arrested, which at this point, is a matter of when, not if. She has exhausted her resources with local social service agencies, who essentially express until they comply with letting investigators into their home, or they are caught in a crime, no action will be taken on behalf of the state.
I believe, wholeheartedly, in the autonomy of adults, and their rights, but from what my research has resulted in it seems like a conservatorship is the only way to help, right?
I tried looking up elder abuse laws but it seems that self-neglect or abuse isn't covered in California. In home support services would likely do wonders to improve their quality of life but they staunchly refuse to let anyone in who isn't family.
Can anyone advise on the steps for conservatorship, or other guardianship?

• My mom is looking for a lawyer, but wants to be able to present facts and a timeline, or anything else that she might need, and have that prepared. Is there any specific evidence or things she should prepare for a lawyer ahead of time?
• Is there other avenues, or other laws, or even systems in place that might be a better fit for this scenario? Is there a third party investigator, or social worker, who would need to provide insight on the quality of life? We do not have medical records or diagnosis, despite both of them definitely having signs of dementia.

Looking for any and all insight, with the most sincere gratitude. I know a lawyer would be the best person to talk to, but we want to be as prepared and knowledgeable before spending the money to meet with one. Thank you so much.