The first time I played with my cousin’s make up (a fake make up for kids), tumakbo ako kay mama to proudly show what I did and instead of having a positive note, I was called a borikat. Kindergarten pa lang ako, my mom always slut shame me. I have known a lot of vulgar pointed to a woman than any curse sa language naten. My mom and dad are separated but my dad was the one raising me and my mom tend to have visits kapag may work si papa.
For many years sa childhood and teenager days, napaka pick me girl ko or I am not like other girls. I always bring down girly girls. As much as possible, I have to hate pink, ribbons, and hearts. I feel like all the dolls that my dad gave me were thrown sa kanal or kinakalbo ko. I had a friend group consist of mostly boys but as I grew up, my mom started to criticize me about me being a slut again for having male group. Time passed when I went to college, I started to have the freedom of being away from my parents especially my mom. Due to college crush pressure, I started picking up any girly stuff to the point napaka people pleaser ko na malala at ang baduy na ng ginagawa ako. I started picking up very bad make up and fit style pero doon naman tayo nag iistart lagi 😅.
Anyway, ngayong financially independent na ako and I am able to buy things on my own. Napatulala lang ako kanina when I was browsing foundation samples sa SM north, na grabeh, noon, parang ikakamatay ko if makikita mo ko sa watsons humahawak ng swatches 😭. Pero minsan may mga regrets ako na what if lang talaga nag istart ako mag iskincare or be a girly girl noon pa, edi di ako parang ganito katanga sa mga bagay like fashion style minsan.
Anyway narealize ko rin na nakapagago yung sinaslut shame ng mga magulang ang mga bata. Fuck you mom.

Why do boys hate female players? I mean more than most of the time I play really strategically & people tend to push, then die five seconds later. Buuuut I’m always called names because I have to backpack.🫨🫨🫨

Hello,
Strange question here but can anyone recommend a good card to downgrade from my 4090?
To cut a long story short: I rarely game anymore. I bought the card originally for a competitive online FPS and have barely played it or any games since January this year.
I can't see myself picking up any more games any time soon or in the future, especially not GPU intensive ones as I already have a PS5 also and I honestly just hate gaming on my PC Chair.
I have a 40" ultrawide (3840x1600) and a 27" monitor next to it that I need for work so I would need a semi decent card than can power these bad boys, and I would like to play the very odd game here and there. Maybe the extremely odd casual game of Warzone, or Hades etc.
Any help would be appreciated as owning the 4090 seems like a big waste for my use case right now and I could probably get quite a lot of money for it still!
Doing a quick search shows that the 4070 super might be a good buy but it's still probably overkill for my use case. I would like something good and very power efficient (preferably an Nvidia card)

Hello,
Strange question here but can anyone recommend a good card to downgrade from my 4090?
To cut a long story short: I rarely game anymore. I bought the card originally for a competitive online FPS and have barely played it or any games since January this year.
I can't see myself picking up any more games any time soon or in the future, especially not GPU intensive ones as I already have a PS5 also and I honestly just hate gaming on my PC Chair.
I have a 40" ultrawide (3840x1600) and a 27" monitor next to it that I need for work so I would need a semi decent card than can power these bad boys, and I would like to play the very odd game here and there. Maybe the extremely odd casual game of Warzone, or Hades etc.
Any help would be appreciated as owning the 4090 seems like a big waste for my use case right now and I could probably get quite a lot of money for it still!
Doing a quick search shows that the 4070 super might be a good buy but it's still probably overkill for my use case. I would like something good and very power efficient

Why exactly is it such a terrible mess now? I mean when you look at all the problems in society and all of the negative things going on, etc. etc. Theres all of these things like the "friend zone" and "nice guy" and "bad boy" Blah blah blah and all that nonsense. Yet there are bars set in place that are holding us all back with all these so called things going on. For example. Say you really had the hots for a woman, and you'd love to tell her that if you had consent you would love to pound her hard in the nearest love hotel. Yet of course there are also many factors such as preferences, personality, what you have in common, hobbies, etc. What confuses me the most is how sometimes kindness is mistaken for weakness. Or being a good and decent person and instantly becoming positively obsessed with a love interest in a good way is misunderstood or shot down by rejection? There are very many factors in play here. What perplexes me is why things are in such a chaotic state in the first place. Shouldn't a man and a woman just love eachother because they truly like eachothers personality, looks, etc.? Why all the games? What the hell are we doing as a species or even a culture?
Everyone has their preferences, hobbies, career, ambitions, etc. Why is everything so divided these days?
Why can't we all just find love easily by being ourselves instead of being put into this stupid game of "what ifs" "friend zone" or any of the other balderdash and nonsense?
If you love someone for who they truly are, then the answer should be you would be willing to love them forever, even beyond death. Yet, society has deliberately divided the family unit and has also parasitically infected and divided people. We must all wake up and realize that True, Pure, Genuine love is indeed the way.
Why then, is dating in the modern era so difficult when in the ancient era people would just be with one another because they genuinely liked one another? I feel things these days are very out of touch and I'm just trying to provide a positive point of view on this subject. Everyone has their preferences, likes, dislikes, hobbies, skills, interests, etc. Why then does society insist on this stupid "game of love" or "love is a battlefield" When everything should be plain as day to be your genuine self? I feel there is a major disconnect in society and humanity in this era because many people have forgotten their history and as consequence repeated it. I do believe it is our responsibility to create a new era in which love is found more easily with those who would truly appreciate you.
For example. say there was a man who had endured psychological, emotional, and all kinds of other misfortune all his life. Yet, there was a woman out there who would sympathize with him and have compassion because either she too had been through the same thing or in many other potential ways was just looking for someone who she could relate to or understand? (as well as on intimate levels)"
I think that many of the things going on today in this modern era have inhibited progress and made things increasingly more difficult. We don't need lies, corruption, greed, or any of that nonsense.
What we need is peace, love, progress, genuinely taking care of the environment in the correct and ethical way. Not some electric vehicle that creates more waste and emissions to produce than just a vehicle that modestly runs on gasoline. I'm sure I may get hate for what I stated there but I don't care, this is an in depth discussion.
What indeed happened previously in history? Where did people lose touch? Where was the disconnect? What ever happened to two people genuinely loving one another for who they are rather than what "society" told them to do? Brianwashing needs to be made illegal to prevent further damage. I say this from the perspective that there is far too much heartbreak and sadness in the world. Love and happiness is the answer to that.
What do you all think? Please do share how you truly feel, as this is meant to shed light on what we must change in order to have a bright future.

Hi, I’ve been ‘27 F’ with my boyfriend ‘37M’ for about 15 months. He’s a doctor, and I’m a nursing student.
He has two biological children and one stepson from his previous relationship
As I said earlier, I just finished my 3rd semester of nursing school while staying with him because he’s close to my school, work, and the hospital where I do my clinical rotations.
I used to think he was the love of my life. God put us together for a reason just because of the way we met and the timing and everything (I thought)
We have the same values and similar views on almost everything. However, we’re also very different, which keeps us on our toes.
THE ISSUE AT HAND: It was a good day. I worked out and did my nails, and I felt pretty good. He picked up the kids on his way home from work. We all decided to watch DUNE. I want to point out that he’s been drinking. We were all excited!! I went to the kitchen to get something to eat because I was starving.
We started watching the movie, and he was talking the whole time. His daughter and I told him not to speak because we couldn’t listen. He was “explaining the movie to us,” according to him. He kept talking, and his daughter said, “Shut up.” He was annoying, but at the same time, she was pretty rude to him.
So, I Left and went to the bedroom because it was too much. A couple of hours later, he came into the room after his daughter got picked up and asked me why I left. As I was talking, he walked away (HOW FUCKING RUDE).
His 4-year-old was still up at 11 pm with his iPad in his room, and his stepson was playing video games on the computer.
I followed him into the living room to explain why I was upset and how disrespectful he was. He (drunk AF) got up and said, “I don’t want a random girl to be screaming at me in front of MY KIDS.” We started going at it.
I heard: get the fuck out of my house. He said that to me once and PROMISED he’d never do it again!! BUT HE DID!!
I couldn’t believe what I heard. A man who calls his girlfriend a “random girl” and tells her to get tf out of his house in front of his kids isn’t a man; he’s a boy
If he’s disrespecting me in front of his kids, he’s creating a way for them to do the same.
To make it worse, we were both yelling in the bedroom when his 4-year-old son told me to shut up, and his dad praised him. I was speechless
I got my suitcase and was sobbing on the porch for 30-45 minutes, and he walked inside and locked the door, knowing damn well I had things in the house. I called him, but he hung up on me multiple times. I banged on the door for another 20 minutes, but he never opened it once. I left without My things.
He tried to undermine my perspective/feelings like he was God or psychic.
I felt like he used his kids against me and disrespected me in front of them. Is this how you treat the person you “love”? He made me feel unwanted, unworthy, and unappreciated. I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT!
The question is, did he cross the line?

I’ve installed Mad Gods and it looks good, I love the texture overhauls to a lot of items.
However, I have a few issues, I play seated, and using FRIK I raised the camera height, but this lost my grip on the gun and the gun floats outside of my hand, is there anyway to fix this?
Secondly, I get an error on the Map in the PipBoy, something along the lines of ‘FallUI 3.0 missing’?
Thirdly, the labels for picking things up are in the middle of the guns, I remember there may have been a .ini change to rectify this?
Nearly finally, using a Q3 and VD would open composite be the best performance setting?
Finally, what other mods would people add to this, it seems a lot lighter than Ginga’s Essentials, who is great, but that did seem to run quite well and not have some of the issues described above.

Empty? Like ok i didn't play it but i read the subclass and like he gets one cool thing at level 3. But is kinda lame..ok lvl 10 ability is a 2 for 1 use cool
But level 7? Adv on wisdom saving throws?
And lvl 15? Adv on attack or a save for on pc for the next roll?
And lvl 18 the big boy: giving your action surge to somebody else..which like ok nice on casters ngl but kindaaa..basic?
Is it just me or everyone likes it here?

In the heart of Chicago, where the skyline pierced the heavens and the streets pulsed with life, there lived a man named Victor Kane. At 26 years old and a startling 6'3" in stature, Victor commanded attention effortlessly. His piercing gaze seemed to see through the very fabric of one's soul, and his knowing, flirtatious smirk hinted at secrets that few could ever fathom. Victor was a man of many faces, each one carefully crafted and expertly worn to blend into any situation, like a chameleon adapting to its surroundings. Each interaction with another human was as if it were another painting to be hung in the Art Institute of Chicago, a masterpiece of social maneuvering and charm.
To most, he appeared unremarkable, perhaps even a bit dim, an illusion he maintained with meticulous precision. Yet beneath this facade lay a mind as sharp as a dagger, honed by years of strategic thinking, manipulation, and the art of emotional deceit. Victor had learned from the best. His father, a man deeply entrenched in the shadowy world of organized crime, had mastered the art of bending reality to his will. A master chess player, he treated people like pieces on a grand chessboard, moving them at his whim, always six steps ahead. Victor had absorbed these lessons like a sponge, his young mind eagerly soaking up every tactic, every subtle nuance of control.
Battles with his father have left their scars, trailing off Victor like a snake's entrails as they slither through crowded streets, scanning for their next meal. They probe the aura of each passerby, tasting their energy, yet to their disappointment, they find no juicy, dirt-filled sponge of pain and suffering. They taste desires, yet nothing hits just right. Empty husks, devoid of the essence they crave. Living memories enshroud him in a cloud of black smoke, a spectral fog visible only to a witch. A demon, masquerading as a homeless man and muttering incoherent whispers, feels the snake's embrace tighten around him. He halts abruptly, turning to Victor with a knowing gaze. 'I see you,' he murmurs, 'Such discipline and composure may deceive the others, yet it's only a matter of time before they find you.' The homeless man continues his walk, pulling a black suitcase along, his tattered white shirt contrasting sharply with his black suit, and no tie to complete the ensemble.
Victor makes no comment, his mind a labyrinth of dark intentions and calculated moves. He viewed the world as a malleable entity, something he could shape and twist to suit his needs. The streets, the people, the very air he breathed; they were all part of a grand, intricate game where he alone held the key. He had no qualms about using others to achieve his goals, seeing them as mere tools in his grand design. It was a dangerous philosophy, one which required constant vigilance and adaptability. As he moved through the throngs of oblivious souls, he could almost hear the whispers of their deepest fears and hidden sins. The scars trailed behind him, living entities of their own, reaching out hungrily, desperate for a morsel of genuine suffering. Yet the city, with all its noise and chaos, offered little more than hollow echoes and fleeting shadows. Traces of happiness. Lost children in the never ending void of their own desperation. Victor's eyes flickered with a cold, calculating light. He was a master of this urban jungle, a predator in search of worthy prey. The demon’s warning lingered in his mind, yet it only fueled a burning hunger. He thrived in the shadows, where power and control were his for the taking. Each step he took was a step closer to his ultimate end goal, a twisted vision of dominance, only he could see.
In the distance, the city’s lights shimmered like false promises, yet Victor knew better. Beneath the surface, in hidden corners and forgotten alleys, darkness mirrored his own. In this abyss, he felt certain he would find what he sought: the true essence of his own hunger, the raw, unfiltered energy he could devour. Victor thrived on the underestimation of others, reveling when people perceived him as lesser. Such perceptions made his manipulations appear as innocent mistakes, acts of ignorance and oblivion. His favorite targets: those with inflated egos, individuals convinced of their invincibility.
"A person with a big ego is like an orgasm," he often mused, speaking as if to his shadow. "It's just so easy. Their first mistake: telling me we're not equals. Afterward, they reveal all the buttons and levers in their psyche. They hand me their own weapon on a silver platter, asking, 'Victor, please send me to meet Anpu. Please show me the gates of my own demise.' Their insanity begs to be freed from this curse of societal norms. Always the first mistake, then the rest follow." Laughter echoed from the snakes twining around Victor. As he whispered these musings, the words ensnared a group of Venezuelans nearby, inciting them into a frenzy of violence without understanding the spark. Victor watched, casually tossing a silver dollar their way as if to say, "Welcome to the sanctuary," his smirk a shadow under the flickering streetlights. He calls to the boys, 'there now before you boys get into trouble remember this, you're only seeing the lions teeth, yet you haven't seen what triggered it.' They stared at Victor, startled, as he bid them farewell with a two-finger salute from his left temple and continued wandering down the street.
A drone sliced through the air, its camera lens capturing the serpentine twists of the Chicago River below. Victor, watching its flight, was transported to his youth, to days spent cobbling together a demonic owl from discarded household trinkets and an owl decoy. He would pilot this macabre creation through his neighborhood, a spectral puppeteer orchestrating nocturnal ballets which both delighted and unnerved his unsuspecting audience. A sinister grin unfurled across his lips, a shadow's whisper, as memories of those simple machines mingled with the sophisticated arsenal he commanded today. In the digital age, Victor had become a maestro of manipulation, his tools refined yet no less mischievous. Social media platforms were his stage, targeted advertisements and spoofed numbers his actors, each one playing their part in his grand, deceptive symphony. With the deftest touch, he planted seeds of doubt, spun webs of misinformation, transforming allies into adversaries, stitching chaos into the fabric of daily lives with mere whispers masquerading as shouts. His schemes were crafted with such subtlety, woven so seamlessly into the warp and weft of reality, that his victims believed themselves architects of their own undoing.
The crowning jewel of his current machinations was a prototype drone, a whimsical homage to the contraptions of his youth yet imbued with the precision of modern technology. This drone, engineered to navigate from the chilly confines of his refrigerator to the steamy oasis of his rooftop hot tub, was a testament to his technical acumen. Crafted to be mended with mere baubles from any corner hardware store, it stood as a symbol of practical genius, a playful yet potent emblem of his enduring craft.
Victor glimpsed a universe of possibilities within this project, each drone a seed from which new opportunities might bloom. "Perhaps I could craft a model for a dive shop in Australia," he mused. "A sentinel to monitor the slow dance of decay among the coral reefs." Such a gift could forge pathways, perhaps even secure an internship, an opportunity to wield his 417 subclass visa before its flame flickered out. The prospect of traversing Australia's vast landscapes, of weaving his influence through uncharted territories and minds, sparked a thrill within him. Beyond the realm of circuitry and code, Victor possessed a profound mastery over the human psyche. He had the uncanny ability to read individuals, to delve into the murky depths of their insecurities and desires. With the finesse of a sculptor, he could mold a woman’s perception, convincing her of a soul-deep connection, crafting mirages of perfect compatibility. Yet, for all his prowess in the art of deception, Victor adhered to his own strict code. He eschewed physical violence, never staining his hands with assault; his dominion was the mind, his influence woven through the delicate fabric of psychology.
In Chicago's suffocating underbelly, Victor's father regarded him not with paternal concern, rather with venomous animosity. Their relationship was a battleground, devoid of affection or empathy, cloaked threats masquerading as concern. "Victor, if you don't see a psychiatrist, I'm cutting you off," he declared, his voice a cold hiss, a deeper wish for Victor's demise lurking beneath. Victor's laugh, hollow, echoing through the night, a sound devoid of warmth, knew well the true nature of the psychiatrist and the deeper machinations of his father's cruel intentions. His father viewed him not as a son, yet as a nemesis, a presence he wished to erase from existence. Surrounded by the oppressive cityscape, Victor stood alone atop his building, the L line screeching past, the lights below mere distant, watchful eyes. "Tomorrow, I bend reality once more," he whispered into the void, his voice merging with the cold wind sweeping the rooftops.
The relentless pursuit of his father's malice shadowed him into the darkest city corners where shadows moved with intent, whispering of ancient, sinister forces. Here, in the corner of his eyes an oozing of black liquid drenched an alley, a tar monster, a grotesque manifestation of the city’s darkest secrets, its gnarled face and gleaming teeth mirroring the twisted relationship endured. Against a backdrop of a city thrumming with malevolent energy, Victor pondered the fragile line between delusion and reality. "It's only delusional till it works, so is it really delusional?" he mused aloud, his words dissipating into the night where the distinction between madness and genius blurred by darkness.
Retreating from the alley, his figure melded into the shadows, each step deliberate, burdened with the weight of a cursed legacy. He was acutely aware of his dual role, both manipulator and pawn in a grander, more malevolent game, a game orchestrated by forces predating the city itself. Every movement influenced by the sinister energy pervading Chicago, a legacy of corruption and darkness intertwined with his own existence. Victor understood his every action overseen by the ancient entity had taken interest in him, an entity finding delight in his struggle, offering protection at a dreadful cost.
Emerging from the shadows back into the flickering city lights, Victor found no solace in the illumination yet his smile stretched reaching his eyes showing his gleaming razor sharp teeth. These lights did not offer hope only humor; they were beacons of a foreboding reality. He resolved to continue bending reality, wielding the cursed power both protecting, ensnaring him, and pointing out the irony of his situation. Day after day, he would play this dark game, a master of deceit entwined with an ancient force more profound and sinister than any could fathom.
With one final, lingering look at the alley where darkness reigned supreme, Victor Kane laughed, a hollow echo fading as he stepped into the nearby pub. Inside, the warm glow contrasted starkly with the night's chilling embrace, yet the shadows seemed merely to lurk at the edges, waiting. At their usual spot by the worn bar, he found Billy Smith, his old high school Basketball teammate, with two pints of beer ready. They clinked glasses, the sound slicing through the hum of conversations around them. "To the unexpected," Victor intoned, his voice laced with a hint of irony. As they settled into the rhythm of their catch-up, the conversation inevitably turned toward the unfolding news, the war in Ukraine, an event that had caught the world off guard.
"No one ever saw it coming," Billy remarked, his tone a mix of wonder and concern.
Victor's eyes flickered with a dark amusement, and raising his glass again, he offered a toast, this time in Latin, a language that carried the weight of history and secrets. "Ad profundis malorum," he declared, which translated to 'To the depths of evils.'
Billy paused, the words hanging between them like a veil being slowly drawn back to reveal a hidden scene. The toast was enigmatic, resonant with Victor’s acknowledgment of the chaos brewing both near and far, a chaos that, perhaps, only he could navigate.
As the night deepened within the grimy confines of the pub, where every corner whispered of misdeeds and the air hung heavy with the scent of stale beer and lost hopes, the laughter and chatter provided a deceptive cover for the profound game silently playing in Victor’s mind. His cryptic toast, "Ad profundis malorum," echoed a darker undertone amidst the jovial noise.
Across the bar, a woman with long jet black hair and piercing grey eyes watched Victor. Clad in a striking red full-grain leather trench coat, her presence was undeniably conspicuous, yet paradoxically, she remained unnoticed. Despite her short stature, she was fit, her features sharply defined, an attractiveness seemingly almost otherworldly amidst the grime of the pub. Curiously, not even the barkeep spared her a glance, as if she existed in a separate realm, visible only to those she chose to confront. As Billy excitedly shared his plans to open a dive shop with a taco bar on the roof, the woman’s lips moved in a whisper, her voice a soft, clear bell in the din, carrying a dire warning. "I know what you are. We found you." At that moment, a flashback surged through Victor’s mind, a haunting image of a colonial girl he once saw in the Fraser Experimental Forest. His girlfriend at the time had turned to him, her voice tinged with unease. "Victor, do you see what I see? The girl? Yeah, the girl. I can feel something following us. As if it knows what we are yet won't approach, yet I can feel it." This vivid recollection now seemed a prelude to the current moment, a chilling reminder the forces he had glimpsed back then were the same now declaring their presence.
The evening wound down with plans made and stories shared, yet the woman’s prophetic words and the ghostly memory of the girl hung unseen in the air, portending looming confrontations between the light she embodied and the shadow following Victor Kane. As the patrons began to drift away, the shadows reclaiming their territory within the pub, the mysterious woman’s figure faded into the background, her message delivered, her purpose yet unclear but undoubtedly intertwined with Victor’s fate.
The end.

Long story short and as much as it sucks to say, I haven't really experienced much of anything. I'm going to intentionally beat around the bush as to what category that "experience" falls under but I think most people should be able to figure it out lol. In other words (and if you play games), I'm a complete noob when it comes to all things girls. As for why those things haven't happened and why I want that to change.. There's a few reasons, but the main reason why I'm putting such an emphasis on this is because I'm a huge homebody and I don't go out much at all which makes it difficult to meet people. That's where Reddit comes in! The message I'm essentially trying to send is becoming physically and emotionally close with a girl is what I want the most. I want to experience it all; the laughs, excitement, curiosity, intimacy, hanging out, fun. Blame all the Disney movies I watched as a kid for that lol.
Finding someone would be a dream come true, but I'd love to find friends too if that's all you're looking for! Local or international, just let me know if that's what you want instead :) We could end up being really close friends and you'll introduce me to a friend who I end up being with? That may or may not be the plot from a romcom 🤔 So that means I definitely wouldn't be opposed to a relationship! I've obviously never been in one so I'm not exactly sure how to transition to that, haha. I totally wouldn't mind finding out, though :) Also someone to say good morning and night to, too. That would be the best even if it's incredibly cheesy.
Anyway, it could be someone with a lot of experience or someone with no experience like me, or introverted or not introverted, etc. I don't have a preference either way :) But if I were to be reaaally picky: they'd be sweet and down to earth because just cuddling on its own would be all kinds of cool. A bit about me: I'm shy, caring, kind, sweet and am normal in the weight and height categories. I want to say I'm cute in the looks department? 🙈 I'll let you decide that though lol. I think it's super fun learning about people through conversation so I'll leave the following hobbies section blank. Then again, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give a small hint to something I love.. My username should provide clues to that! I Siriusly need to re-watch the movies again. Maybe with someone I meet through r4r?
Alright, I can't hold it in anymore. I pretty much like a little bit of everything. For example, when it comes to music, I go through Backstreet Boys phases to Disney song phases (Moana is awesome and I haven't even seen the movie 🙊) to something like Linkin Park, Paramore or 50 Cent. What I'm trying to say is I like a little bit of everything! So there's a good chance I'll like whatever you like when it comes to hobbies and interests and that means connecting with each other should be relatively natural/seamless. Or maybe that's wishful thinking on my part, haha.
I'm not the best with openers and if you're also in the same boat, then how about this: If you could have any superpower what would it be and how would you use it? Being out of this world smart like Tony Stark is an acceptable super poweanswer, by the way.
Hopefully my first impression is a good one! If anyone is even remotely interested, then just let me know and I'll get back to you asap!

The dungeon master described the party stepping through the wizard's portal into the plane of Elemental Chaos. "Before you lies a tempestuous sea of ever-changing terrain and clashing elements. The portal has opened onto a planetoid floating in the sea of shifting energies. Standing a ways away is a giant humanoid figure that seems to be made out of some of the same energies."
"Giant?" Sara asked?
"Yeah, it's like fifty feet tall. Looking upon its face makes your gut wrench as its face is a pool of ever-churning distorted energies. Make a save versus fear."
The players snatched up dice bags. Twenty-sided dice were rolled all around the table, but Mary, sitting to the right of Sara, noticed that Sara hesitated.
"What did you call these things again?" Sara asked. "Primordials? I didn't really imagine that they'd be so ugly or terrifying... or big."
"Oh, fine," the dungeon master responded. "Ambriel the rogue can have advantage on this check. What is your roll?"
Sara picked up an extra dice, tossed them into the bowl on the table and squinted at them in the dim light of the basement. "I got an eight." she said, frowning.
"Sorry, Ambriel and anyone else that got below a ten is afraid of the figure and will be at a disadvantage for initiative. The figure lets out a scream that sounds like an avalanche in a hurricane. Roll initiative!"
"Nineteen!" the boy across the table said. "Fifteen!" said another after rolling some dice. "I have a plus two, and I only got a twelve." said Mary.
"What about you Sara?" the dungeon master asked.
"Um, I don't want to fight it. Can I try talking to it?"
"I guess so," said the dungeon master, frowning. "What will you try saying to it?
"Well first," Sara started, "Is it at its house?"
The dungeon master and the boys across the table erupted into laughter. The dungeon master managed to stop laughing and reply. "These things don't have houses. They just live outside in the chaos."
"Oh." Sara looked disappointed. "I thought they would have houses." and then quieter. "Maybe a family."
The dungeon master laughed again. "What are you going to say to it?"
"I guess I'll say: 'Greetings friend! Do you know which way it is to the Dark Wizard Malik's tower?'"
The dungeon master laughed yet again. "It doesn't seem to understand what you're saying. It screams again and then attacks. Do you have your initiative number yet?"
Mary had been glaring at the dungeon master. He finally noticed her expression and slouched down, a sheepish look crossing his face as if he knew he was going to be in trouble.
Sara frowned, rolled her dice, and then stated "Six."
The party proceeded to fight with the primordial and Sara participated but wasn't really enjoying the situation. After the beast fell the party raced to loot its corpse.
"What did we find?" the boy across the table asked eagerly.
"Nothing, of course!" the dungeon master announced with some glee in his voice. "The primordial's body has evaporated and merged with the endless chaos around you."
"Well that's at least one thing you got right." Sara said.
"What do you mean?" Mary asked.
"Oh, forget it." Sara responded.
The end of the combat signaled the end of the evening since it was already past eight. The friends scooped dice and character sheets back into their bags, cleaned up the snacks, and said their goodbyes for the evening. Sara walked up the stairs and into the front yard with the other two boys. Chris's mom was there to pick up him and Tyler. She waved at them as they drove away and then started toward her own house just down the street.
The walk was only five minutes, if she took her time, and she had walked this street a hundred times before. She was enjoying the breeze and the crisp night air and didn't notice when the footsteps behind her started. When she noticed them she'd picked up her pace but they grew uncomfortably close. Sara spun around and was faced with a figure in the shadows behind her. It was only a few feet away but she couldn't make out a face.
"What do you want?" She asked the shadow. It did not respond. It did, however, step forward into the glow of the nearby street light. Still, its form appeared like a pitch black hole in the world; a torn place in space the shape and size of a man. The shadow reached toward Sara and she knew that this was an undead being. It had been hoping it could claim the life force of a human this evening; to pull her into the shadow realm and keep her there till she had faded away and become another shadow. Unfortunately for the shadow, she was not a victim that could be claimed so easily.
Sara dropped her book back and grabbed the shadow's arm, glancing down the street to make sure it was clear. Then she released her human disguise and pulled the shadow closer. She stared into the colorless void where its eyes should have been and the shadow stared back into the ever-changing distortion that her face had become. Lightning arced across Sara's skin that now appeared to be made of a roiling mass of stone and waves of pure water.
Sara's outline blurred and her humanoid form faded almost completely, leaving a cloud of elements ever fighting for position, yet she didn't let go of the shadow. The shadow was in a panic now, struggling and desperately trying to free itself from her grasp, to no avail. Sara pulled the shadow inside her cloud and it was ripped and torn by every element until it was gone in just a moment.
Sara concentrated for a moment and reached a human hand out of her cloud of chaos, and picked up her book bag. She formed an arm and shoulder to put the bag on, then a head and some feet and finally squeezed the last bit of her cloud into the shape of a green jacket. "Was she wearing a blue jacket before or a green one?" she asked herself. "I guess it doesn't really matter." she answered, and changed the jacket to blue.
***************************
Sara, Chris and Tyler walked up the stairs out of the basement, leaving Mary and the dungeon master still sitting at the table. The dungeon master was shuffling some papers, his mind racing with ideas for the next session. Mary stared at him, arms crossed and after a moment she finally spoke. "That was mean, Brian."
Brian looked up from his papers. "What?" he asked defensively with a worried look on his face.
"The primordial we met tonight in the game. That wasn't cool." She mocked an imitation of Brian: "It just lives outside in the chaos. Its sooooo ugly and scary." She crossed her arms again and stared daggers at him. Brian was silent and just looked down at his lap.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I thought we were supposed to act like we didn't know..."
"You know she's not going to keep playing with us if you keep being an asshole, right?"
Brian frowned and was quiet.
"Don't you like her playing with us?" Mary continued. "She's a way better rogue than Johnathan was. If she leaves and Johnathan finds out we have room at the table then we might have to let him join the party again. Is that what you want?"
Brian shuddered. "No. I do like her playing with us. She is a pretty awesome rogue." They sat in silence for a minute. "I'll make it better next week. I have some ideas."
"Good." Mary stood up and walked to the stairs. "We'd better not be fighting a changeling or a dragon next week." she said with a laugh.
The outside air was cool and crisp; the twilight had faded already and the streetlights were on. Chris and Tyler had left already; their mom always picked them up. Sara lived at the end of the street. Mary looked down the street toward Sara's house and near the other end of the street she saw Sara, almost home. Mary shivered as she watched as a shadow approached Sara. Mary then watched as Sara discorporated into a chaotic mass of lightning arcs and flame over a roiling mass of rocks and water. In another moment she had absorbed the shadow and it was gone. Those shadows gave her the creeps and she was glad another one was gone. Mary's parents had told her many times how they were lucky to have the Smiths living on their street. "Good girl." Mary whispered as she watched Sara pick up her book bag and put on her human disguise for the rest of her walk home. Mary walked back into the house.
***************************
Sara reached the end of the street, hopped up the porch stair to her front door and walked inside, locking the door behind her. Inside, her mother and father were lounging on the sofa watching a reality TV show together. Her dad waved a friendly tendril of water at her and turned his attention back to the show. Sara's mom floated up and across the room, her pattern of fire and stone indicated concern.
"Is everything okay honey?"
"Well" Sara started slowly. "In tonight's game we finally met a primordial, but the party just killed it. The dungeon master thought it looked scary." Sara dismissed her human disguise, released a small puff of smoke and slouched a bit. "Are they ever going to accept us for who we are?"
Sara's mom wrapped her in a hug. "Your friends do like you dear. It doesn't matter that you don't look like they do."
"Yeah, I guess you're right mom. Thanks." She brightened up a bit, her waves of water crashing in a happy whirlpool. She started up the stairs to her room but halfway up she turned around and said "Oh yeah, I got another shadow on the way home." Her mom, who had already returned to the sofa, crashed a tiny avalanche of stone in approval and then returned to watching the show.

Well well well, isn’t this a tale. It is long, but it is really funny imo. Me (ftm14) and my friends (m14), (nb13) and (nb14) were hanging out in town. We’re gonna call them Paul, Printer, and Leaf. We got chips, we chatted, and we were enjoying a nice weather Sunday after a week of it being cold and raining (southern hemisphere).
Anyway, it’s around 3:30pm and we are playing in the playground because we are still techinically children and it’s a climbing frame, who wouldn’t want to climb it. When a "friend" of ours we hadn’t seen for two/three years (f13) we’ll call her Ginger, shows up at the park with two boys who look her age or younger, we’ll call them Green Shirt and Black Shirt. Ginger comes and says hi to us, acting all nice and friendly. We chat for a few minutes, then she goes on the swings with Green and Black shirt.
After about 15 minutes, my friends and I decide to go do something else because Paul had to go very soon, this is where the annoyance begins. As I’m getting off, Green Shirt comes up to me and asks if I’m a furry (in the derogatory way kids are asking that these days) of which I am not, I politely respond no. He then asks if I have a Fursuit — of which I don’t — and I politely respond no again. He keeps pestering me about it so I tell him to piss off and my friends and I walk to another part of the park to hang out.
Paul leaves to go home, and Leaf and Printer — who are both furries and therians or something, I’m not up on the lingo — decide to practice doing quads(running and jumping on all fours). I let them do their thing and scroll on my phone, until Green Shirt comes back. (Paraphrasing because we swear a lot) “Hey I have an interview!” He asks, “What do you want?” We respond. “What’s it like in the furry world?” He asks, in a derogatory way. Us: “What do you mean? We’re in the normal world” Him: *snickering* “oh my god I didn’t know animals could talk!”
We very impolitely tell him to go f*ck himself, and he goes back to spread gossip to Ginger and Black shirt. We notice as we walk off that Green Shirt has a scooter, he also looks like he’s nine. Oh, and he’s wearing a helmet. Of course safety is nice, but he looked so funny becuase he was wearing a motorbike helmet. On a scooter. The scooter wasn’t even electric, it was a normal scooter.
As we left the part to walk through the towns main street, he came up to us on his manual scooter with his motorbike helmet, calling us furries, calling our genders not real (we hadn’t even told him our gender) and other things like that before repeatedly going back to talk with Ginger and Black shirt. I commented to my friend that while he is mocking our gender, he looks like a child and I probably have more testosterone in my body than him (I’m still biologically female, he really did look like a child).
This was when my friends had an idea, they discussed it and I listened, but I didn’t think that green shirt was gonna come back. ..then, Green Shirt came back.
Green shirt: “you guys are furries!” My friends: (high pitched, annoying and patronizing) “OH MY GOSH YOURE SO SKIBIDI SIGMA! I LOVE YOUR HELMET POOKIE BEAR SAFETY FIRST LETS GO! SLAYYYY WE LOVE YOU OH MY GOSH YOU HAVE SO MUCH GYATT, YOURE SO SKIBIDI!!!”
His confidence shattered, but he didn’t just stop there, oh no no, he tried ignoring them first. I still wasn’t saying that to him, I was just laughing. He asked me, “what’s your gender?” I ignored his question, “what’s your gender?” I asked him back. He said in a less and less confident voice, “I’m a man!”. “How so?” I responded. He said smugly, “I have a pole”.
..I genuinely misheard him and thought he said he was the hulk, so I said “you’re the HULK?! I really don’t think so you’re arms are twigs,” Him, getting increasingly exasperated as my friends are still screaming that he is sigma; “NO! I said I have a pole!”. …I proceeded to gesture dramatically at a metal pole that was conveniently near where we were sitting, I was yelling “OH MY GOSH ITS YOUR POLE! NO WAY I GUESS THE POLE IS A MAN TOO! I GUESS ANYONE NEAR THE POLE IS A MAN! YOU HAVE A METAL POLE SO YOURE A MAN WELL DONE!!”
My friends joined in. It was chaos. He couldn’t think of anything to say, all of his insults were unoriginal from the beginning, but all he said to us as he went back was that we had mental issues, we were mentally r*tarded, and he called as f*cking furry c*nts in frustration. He went back down the hill, but then Ginger and Black Shirt came walking up with Green Shirt.
My friends proceeded to continue calling them skibidi sigmas, while I was there for the witty one liners I all of a sudden happened to have. Green shirt literally scooted on his scooter to the other side of the road to get away from us (we were just sitting on a bench), his motorbike helmet and metal pole and all.
Black shirt called us mentally r*tarded, while I yelled at Ginger; some context: Ginger and I had been friends since preschool, we drifted apart after like year 5, but we still texted sometimes until I went to high school. As Ginger and Black shirt crossed the road, I yelled; “Ginger, GINGER! I thought we were friends! Why are you being mean?!”
Ginger replied defensively, “I’m not doing anything!”. ..by this time you could tell all three of them were thinking /we/ were harassing /them/, green and black shirt looked legit terrified even from the other side of the road. They were also feeling embarrassed now, because we were yelling things to across the road in a busy street. My friends and I didn't care about public humiliation, they were in for it.
I yelled to ginger, “ginger! Ginger! GINGER!” I had her attention, “We’ve been friends since preschool! We’ve been friends since we were four!” I could see green and black shirt look at her almost disgusted, I continued, “WHY ARE YOU LETTING YOUR FRIENDS BE MEAN?! WEVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE WE WERE KIDS!” (Please note this all happened in about three minutes, so my friends are still yelling about them all having rizz and being pookie bears)
…they don’t respond. They just continue walking up the hill and I tell my friends we should walk back down near the park because I needed to start walking home.
As we walked down the hill — still quite shocked we had used our collective braincell to get back at a bully — we could hear Ginger, Green shirt and Black shirt arguing with each other, but they were too far away we could only guess what about.
It’s been an hour and I can’t stop smiling, I found this sub through The Click and I hope my story fits here.

You're gonna lurk this page let's be real so let's get acquainted. the back of you're mind wonders what those galaxies and roses really go towards but you send them anyway cause you see a needy boy. The thing is you don't see a needy boy, you see a thirty something year old man that one point had a family. You see a thirty something year old man with his second account because he gave tossing44 to a hacker. You see a thirty something year old man that abandoned his job for no real reason and masking it under the thin veil of "the adventure". You see a MAN who is an expert at making you feel sorry for him.
You see trolls such as myself in the chat yes, you've probably blocked me once or twice even but you notice how the trolls talk about the same thing and ask the same questions.. basic questions at that. Why did you leave the job in Edmonton? What happened to the camp job you talked about the entire way to Toronto? What happened to the music grants that supposedly sent him to Edmonton in the first place? Why are you walking okay sometimes but you're ribs hurt when you need money? Why did the original Supports that got him to Toronto leave him?
He just talked about how this subreddit is here to talk about his days in Vancouver, and I personally can not give a shit about it. Boohoo I did coke, Im more pissed about how you lie about saying you physically cant take drugs but lie about it like tonight. But take a step back and think why would he think that is the issue when the issue is multiple things? This subreddit doesn't ONLY post from the Vancouver days. The first Tik Tok I posted was from him in Saskatchewan.
Josh, ik you're gonna read this. hope the hangover isn't that bad and you make the train but the live tonight pretty much confirmed you lurk. I can't speak for others here but I personally don't wish harm upon you. I liked you and was a fan, was able to see us getting a beer or something but now I hate you lmao, It pisses me off seeing people send their money to you when YOU know YOU LIE. It pisses me off seeing you play gullible people into thinking you are so hurt when in reality you're just waiting for the cheque to drop. YOU know YOU won't do anything to help anyone with that 50k mr mental health guy, prove me wrong. Treaty 6 is getting that cow and plow soon (you've talked about you're rez before also on tik tok) don't drink it all up like you did with youre PCDs. I just want you to tell the truth and stop masking mental illness as an excuse anytime the going gets tough or someone hurts you're feelings. If you're man enough to have a kid you're man enough to take the heat from you're lies... But I guess I kinda answered my own question there didn't I?
You aren’t an advocate for mental health if anything you're the DO NOT DO book. And if it is actually mental health, get the fucking help you need. "baddie battles" isn't a good substitute for prozac. 70 dollars for a blanket is a slap in the face for mental health. You say "indigenous people gotta stick together" but you wouldn't listen to an elder if he came to battle you on tik tok.
Tiny seen it tonight, D seen it earlier, you have beef with Jordan L now but not before you got the cash And now people are seeing it everyday and you wonder why more and more trolls are coming. Soon I hope you see it. You raised enough to get back to Winnipeg in an alley. Congratulations on that you lil bitch, good thing you got ur mod to fall back on over there. Hopefully they don't kick you out when they see the slip up but I not gonna be surprised if its "Rasing money for a ticket to Edmonton" soon enough. The trolls are coming in hotter, you're slipping up more trying to avoid the spiral and it's becoming harder to sell yourself. Sooner or later another bridge or 2 will burn. You've started a cycle Joshy and it's worked but people are catching on.
P.S I was ready for that call lil bro ;)

Did we find out why we let Shooby go? He was playing like a top 10 anchor- this team did really well in LAN- and in my eyes Shooby is better mechanically than Knoqd. Now My boy Zach lost Zap, Shooby, and coach. He is back to where he was (naughty, mac) days.
I just don’t get why ruin something good, that had potential to be great

Spoilers ahead.
Bollywood’s roster of adult films is a barren wasteland, dotted by the occasional Tusshar KapooMilap Zaveri release. Yet, there may be hope for the genre as long as trailblazing production house YRF keeps churning out experimental masterpieces. For well before there were Kyaa Kool Hain Hum, Masti, and Ragini MMS, there was Mohabbatein. As on several other occasions, YRF embraced the role of innovator and at the turn of the millennium brought to Bollywood what is till date the industry’s only sex-ed film. Unlike Bollywood’s other attempts at adult cinema, Mohabbatein seeks to educate—not titillate—as moustachioed maestro Aditya Chopra examines attitudes towards male masturbation, specially amongst adolescents. To avoid offending conservative sensibilities, this sociological examination is cleverly hidden within a family-friendly romantic drama tale and presented in allegorical terms.
Mohabbatein features an ensemble cast, led by Amitabh Bachchan and DDLJ background actor Shah Rukh Khan, with Aishwarya Rai as a guest star. Although the cast also includes celebrated thespians Uday Chopra, Jugal Hansraj, and Shamita Shetty, a complete listing is omitted here for the sake of brevity. Bachchan plays Narayan Shankar, headmaster of the prestigious Gurukul boys’ college. Shankar is a stickler for rules, and imposes upon his students the need for tradition, prestige, and discipline. His rules extend to a blanket ban on romantic relationships, which forms the crux of the film’s conflict. SRK plays Raj Aryan, a music teacher and disgraced Gurukul alumnus who has returned to the institute under anonymity, with the single goal of melting Shankar’s icy heart and impressing upon him the power of love. Finally, Aishwarya Rai plays the deceased Megha, Shankar’s late daughter and the love interest of Raj Aryan.
In a figurative sense, Gurukul—with its forced confinement, all-male student body, and rigid rules—is a portrayal of restrictive societies that enforce adolescent sexual repression through gender segregation and harsh oversight. Narayan Shankar, as headmaster, is the enforcer of said oversight and abides by his oppressive regulations to set an example. Gurukul’s official motto—‘Parampara Prathishta Anushasan’—may be shortened to ‘PP Anushasan’, the word ‘PP’ being slang for a man’s meat pole of love and ‘Anushasan’ meaning discipline or regulation. Thus through its motto, the institution reveals its intention to exercise total control over its students’ genitalia.
Metaphorically, Narayan Shankar’s rejection of all things romantic/sexual, and his stubborn opposition to any form of change—stated by him multiple times throughout the film—is an allusion to his opposition to puberty and the sexual changes it brings along with it. His choice of garments throughout the film—dull black trousers coupled with matching black sherwanis—prevents viewers from getting a view of his lush curves and adds to his thoroughly sexless demeanour. Additionally, Shankar takes pride in his habit of staring right at the sun for several minutes every morning, which is a clever allusion to the popular myth about masturbation causing damage to eyesight—a lifetime of total abstinence from masturbation has prevented Shankar’s eyes from taking any damage, and therefore he can stare full-bore into the sun for as long as he pleases. Given all this, it is unknown how he fathered a daughter in his state of permanent prepubescence, so it may be deduced that he somehow reproduced asexually. In sum, Shankar is a man struggling to indefinitely delay his own sexual maturity, and thereby desperately clinging on to a simple, childlike innocence of all sexual matters.
Raj Aryan exists as the foil to Narayan Shankar, having arrived at Gurukul with the singular purpose of altering Shankar’s stunted outlook towards sexual maturity. In an allegorical sense, he portrays the biological agents and changes that act as messengers of puberty and sexual maturity, such as gonadotropin-releasing hormones and testosterone. Visually, his urbane, well-dressed appearance, along with his suave and cultured manner, stands in contrast to the dull cluelessness of Narayan Shankar and his wards, and is indicative of his sexual confidence and maturity.
Furthermore, his choice of musical instrument—the violin—is hardly coincidental. A violin requires precise, well-timed stroke-like movements to be made using a long, cylindrical piece of wood. The sight of Raj Aryan lounging comfortably in a chair and playing the violin with long, languid strokes, whilst wearing an expression of both contentment and pleasurable exertion, is certainly suggestive without appearing crass. The fact that his lover Megha is deceased does not decrease Raj Aryan’s passion in the slightest, as she makes an appearance in his imagination every time he leans back, closes his eyes, and handles his violin. Through such a combination of clever visual double entendres, the film conveys Raj Aryan’s use of masturbation and masturbatory fantasies as a healthy outlet for sexual expression and release.
To Gurukul’s ignorant masses, Raj Aryan is nothing short of a revelation. Like a masturbatory Pied Piper, he draws the ignorant, curious, and hypnotized students to his lessons, where he impresses upon them the need to break free of Gurukul’s restrictive confinements and open their hearts and prostate glands to the power of love. In a metaphorical sense, he encourages the students to accept the changes coursing through their bodies, and let puberty begin to run its course.
To best educate Gurukul’s students, Raj Aryan organises a secret dance ball, inviting over students from a neighbouring women’s college. Considering the allegorical nature of storytelling in Mohabbatein, the college and its students are likely imaginary, and the secret dance ball is actually an educational musical lesson on some of the more practical and logistical aspects of masturbation. YRF films have always been renowned for making their song-and-dance routines an integral part of the story, and Mohabbatein is no exception to this tradition of artistic excellence. As Gurukul’s students shuffle into the dance ball, Raj Aryan takes the centre stage and croons, ‘Aankhein khuli ho ya ho band/Deedar unka hota hai/Kaise kahoon main o yaara ye/Pyaar kaise hota hai’, with the lyrics making it clear that while there are many paths to self-pleasure, the path one takes does not matter so long as the destination is the same. With sufficient practice, a master of the art may hone his skills to the point where imagination is all that is required. Meanwhile, the less-skilled are free to keep their eyes open and rely on whatever visual aids they may prefer. Bearing in mind the wide variety of means and techniques employed, it is not for one man to tell another how best to beat his meat.
This educational demonstration, however, is cut short upon the surprise appearance of Narayan Shankar, who discovers Raj Aryan's attempt to arouse Gurukul’s pupils to rebellion against his rules. Shankar uses his authority to turn Raj Aryan’s movement temporarily flaccid, but a defiant Raj Aryan takes up Shankar’s opposition as a challenge, and vows to bring about love in every heart, a cramp in every right hand, and a scraggly hair sprouting from every smooth chin. Raj Aryan begins his campaign by asking Gurukul’s pupils to each write a love letter upon orange maple leaves. The orange maple leaf is a common visual theme throughout the movie, and for good reason—a maple leaf with its five lobes bears an uncanny resemblance to an outstretched palm with its five fingers, coloured an inflamed red perhaps due to excessive use. Thus, the act of writing a love letter upon an orange maple leaf is a clever visual metaphor for the students actually expressing gratitude and affection towards their own hands for the newly-discovered joys their hands have provided them with.
However, the ever-vigilant Narayan Shankar eventually catches onto Raj Aryan’s actions, and realizes that his fearsome gaze is no longer capable of wilting students’ defiant boners. Faced with this prospect, a desperate Shankar begins expelling students, hoping to discourage their peers and Raj Aryan, and therefore stave off the advent of puberty and sexual maturity amongst his wards. This leads to the film’s climax, wherein a gratuitously dripping-wet Raj Aryan meets Shankar, and defiantly tells him that whilst he may have won the battle, he has lost the war, for despite all his authority, Shankar will be forever left alone, because he lacks the powers of imagination and fantasizing that Raj Aryan possesses. Raj Aryan then reveals to Shankar that despite the death of Megha (Shankar’s daughter, it may be remembered), he still fantasizes about her with perfect clarity. However, as previously mentioned, Shankar had likely reproduced asexually to sire Megha, and asexual reproduction leads to genetically-identical offspring. A horrified Shankar realizes that therefore, by masturbating to Megha—his clone—Raj Aryan has been indirectly masturbating to Shankar himself for the past several years. Left shaken by this discovery of the transitive properties of masturbation, a broken Shankar is unable to recover from his shock and resigns as headmaster of Gurukul, leaving Raj Aryan to take the helm and finally bring about his purpose to a glorious conclusion.
Over two decades after release, Mohabbatein stands alone in Indian cinema. Few films have ever attempted such deftly-layered storytelling in treatment of such delicate subject matter. Indeed, if the bar were ever raised, it was only by YRF’s own other creations in subsequent years. No other films, however, have ever had the courage and wit to portray sex-ed as Mohabbatein so well did, and if the subject shall ever make an appearance in the educational curriculum, there can be no doubt that Mohabbatein shall be required viewing for all students, educators, and educational policymakers.

I'm having a rough time with my mental health lately due to multiple factors, including trying to help my oldest son with newly emerging anxiety and depression problems of his own, but yesterday I took a huge step backwards and I just feel completely lost.
As a teen, I struggled immensely, not helped by a narcissistic mother who regularly berated me out of nowhere, calling me horrible, mentally scarring things, which I never dared talk back to her about, at one time punching me in the face which required dental surgery to repair, and kicking me out of home and then emotionally blackmailing me to come back for a number of years, resulting in a lot of self hatred, self harm, and internalising which took me years to rise above.
In recent years, whilst I've never forgotten, I have had a better relationship with her, and her behaviour has been reasonably in check, with me noticing her triggers and removing myself and my children from her presence if she's on edge, and over all, we've been quite close.
Until yesterday that is, when my teenage son (who is also fighting a battle with depression and anxiety right now, which age knows about) said something small that triggered her to go on the worst tirade I've seen in years, with her belittling him and saying the most horrible things, calling him a scared little boy and worthless person etc. Unlike me, however, he didn't stay silent and responded with a barrage of insults and swearing, which, whilst nasty and horrible, did not equate to the smiling horrors my mother bestowed upon him. I ended up crying for them both to stop and yelling at my mother that she CANNOT say that sort of thing to anyone, let alone a struggling teenage child - he's anything but worthless, he's worth more than the world. Immediately after, I had a panic attack, which caused them to hurl more insults at each other, because they both blamed my panic on each other.
I managed to get myself together enough to take my son and myself home and get away from the scenario, and my son, even though he's hurt by the words she said, seems to be coping much better than I am, and hasn't taken it to heart. On the other hand, I feel like I've regressed to that scared little girl again, playing it over and over again inside my head, to the point that for the first time in over 15 years, I ended up cutting myself, and that felt like bringing an old friend home. I know it was wrong, but it was a release, and I don't know if I can stop myself again. I'm not suicidal, it just feels like the only pain I can control, and that makes me feel better, if only for a little while. All the memories, all the horrid words that a mother should never have said, have all flooded back, and that's my only release.
I've worked so hard to have a good relationship with my mother in recent years, but I refuse to have my son exposed to that kind of mental torture, and I don't think I can get passed that. I love my mother, and feel like I've lost her again, and I cannot forgive her for saying what she did to my child, especially knowing his mental state leading up to it.
But on top of that, in one afternoon, I feel like I've lost myself again. I need to pull it together for my children, and I'm terrified that they might see the cuts on my leg, or realise what a wreck I am. I'm terrified for my son, and that he'll carry her words with him like I always have, and I'm scared for myself because those words have dug up every other memory of the awful things she said and did to me, surfacing the shame, fear and self loathing that I thought I'd dealt with and was a thing of the past.
I don't know what I'm expecting from this post, I just wanted to get it out, I suppose. Advice perhaps? I don't know. I feel lost and sad, and like I'm an absolute failure as a mother for exposing my son to her, a failure as a daughter for not noticing her being on edge before, and a failure as a person for regressing so fast and immediately falling into bad habits.

Do you remember the theory that Marco and Toffee are connected? It is a theory with a lot of negative opinions, but I tried my best to think about it.
Marco and Toffee have a planned and meticulous personality. I think... their gestures are sometimes similar. https://www.tumblr.com/frmacnac/723950017044512769/marco-and-toffee-are-like-mirrors-each-other-or
Marco with purple items is something ominous. The monster arm emits purple liquid, and when Marco is involved in magic, he often wears purple things. The skin color of Marco's corpse in the Blood Moon nightmare is purple, The purple cloth he wears at before beach day has nothing to do with magic but look at the shape.
Besides, The following are the ones that appear in Toffee's first appearance episode.
Star's penstand with holes. This is similar to the symptoms of victims of Solaria's magic. Dead End signs, Star and monsters. A fortune cookie message that Toffee sent to Star says "Love is always the answer". Toffee say that "You're not the only one who is the victim of magic".
What if these are things that imply something? Toffee said he knows the future. What if Star, her friends, and monsters are killed by Solaria's magic? What if Toffee is related to Marco's monster arm? So, Marco may have been shapeshifted to Septarian by dark magic of unicorn and time-traveled to the ancient Mewni. (It might sound stupid) Glossaryck may be involved in it, He may have created a weird time loop. Toffee may be Adult Marco who comes from such a bad future timeline.
Toffee knew that he would be killed as Star's first enemy, so he probably decided to give Star the idea of destroy the magic for change bad future, but in the process, probably he entered Realm of Magic and went crazy. And he may died like "Toffee" on his timeline. and, Glossaryck may have seen Marco as Toffee's childhood. When they first met, Glossaryck said he wouldn't let Marco read magic spells book, and Glossaryck disliked Marco until the day Star rode a bicycle.
Toffee may be a character that assumes as Marco in his thirties. Marco at Neverzone is a child with an adult body. too childish. Star and Toffee's mental age is too far apart, for Toffee, Star will be like a sibling? "Surprise" is a word when the Diaz family celebrates Star every day, so it may be a symbol of friendship and family love. Even if Marco was influenced by the monster arm, he is not necessarily evil. In this case, Toffee wouldn't kill Comet, but his subordinates would do it at their discretion.
Toffee has existed since he was a teenager. The reason why he was shocked when Marco said, "You're boring" would because he had too short time to live as his true self, and he forgot what he was like when he was living as himself. On the other hand, he may have despised his past self who had no power or knowledge to protect the important things. Toffee's last words were probably a warning to his past self, and were probably the answer to what he was told to be "boring". He manipulated Ludo, but it made Buff Frog a Star's friend. It triggered that Star wants Mewni to stop the monster abuse. Marco is the type who is into the role he plays, and he is good at hiding his emotions. If he had felt responsible for the death of Star's grandma, he couldn't have been able to tell the truth. He may have been acting like a crazy, cruel man to Star on purpose.
But how can Marco be so dark and conspiratory?
I think Marco knew very little about monster abuse in Mewni. Marco will be angry if he knows that, and Marco will try to protect the monster from Mewman as one of the earthlings because he knows Mewnians were earthlings, and will be thoroughly research magic and Mewni's history. And Marco's charisma will be gather the support of Septarian. In order to protect the existence of Star, he may had to keep Butterfly family alive while dealing with the monster's hatred for Butterfly family, and he would have been afraid of losing the support of the monsters. Marco was once unable to oppose it for fear of losing the support of the princesses in St. Olga. He may have been bound by his past as Septarian and had limited things to do. I think he has reason for hating Glossaryck. Glossaryck made Star's ancestors, the colonists of Earth, into Butterfly family and Mewman.
"The code name is Sailor V", a spinoff of Sailor Moon came to my mind. The villain in this story was just a soldier who wanted to become a knight to get closer to the princess of Venus, Minako's previous life. However, after everyone died in the war and the queen of the moon reborn everyone with magical powers. He was helping Minako's growth as her enemy but he died while doing fortune-telling that Minako was destined to kill the person she loved. Minako will ended up killing her boyfriend who became an enemy. Daron loves Sailor Moon, and Mina's name is taken from Minako, but Minako looks like Star.
Well, Marco is just a boy from the earth, but he tried to become a knight because he wanted to get close to Star, the princess of Mewni. And what if Marco's Blood Moon's nightmare warn his fate that he will be killed by Star when he falls in love with her? Toffee lives in Star's past, and Marco lives in Star's future. Star and Marco, who are tied by the Curse of Blood Moon, will be bound in a weird time loop forever.
I think the Dark magic that Toffee was melting in Realm of Magic will strengthen the desire for revenge. Toffee may have wanted to neutralize MHC and Moon because them empower Mina's rebellion. What if the magic and Star's family destroyed his life? What if magic doesn't exist? What if the colonists from Earth, the ancestors of Star, didn't go to Mewni? What if Star was born as an earthling? What if Marco chose Jackie instead of Star? His purpose in S1 would to protect Star, but his purpose in S2 may have changed to save Marco's life from Star. The reason he was so obsessed with his lost finger was probably because it was the only point of contact between his past self and his present self. The motivation in that case will be self-love. Realm of Magic will not kill Star, but it will make her suffer. He may have locked Star there to teach her his suffering, instead of telling her who he is.
If Marco's fate is related to magic, it would be right for Star to destroy the magic for Marco. Toffee was watching Star's decision to destroy the magic, and he screamed "surprise". The only person who spoke to Star from the tapestries was Toffee. If the bad future changed, if the timelines merged, would be a happy ending. Will Toffee/Marco trace the fate of Heinous/Meteora?

I mean, does cooking come naturally to girls for some evolutionary reason? People say girl babies play with cooking toys, kitchen utensils, and cooking games more than boys. Or is it because parents raise them in such a way?

Hello everyone, I'm gonna start this off by saying thanks to anybody who will read this as it will be a long one, and anybody willing to offer me any advice.
PS. This post started as a post where I was asking for college advice, but as I wrote more I realized any advice would be really helpful so I changed the title a bit, Thanks in advance again!
[[ Beware: My whole lifestory coming up combined with tired midnight grammar 😅 ]]
To get to the point, I currently live in Croatia and just turned 19 a couple of months ago and a time has come when I am again thinking about college. Some background on me, from when I was very little I was always interested in engineering and art, it all started when a teacher of mine in the 5th grade of primary school introduced me to programming and robotics. From then on I was in love with everything to do with electronics, robotics, mechanics programming, and fundamental sciences, maybe even math itself, but that's beside the point. During those years the passion for all of that really grew. I went to countless robotics competitions during my time at school there and even won lots of prizes. One time I almost came to world-level competitions but sadly missed the first place by a point. When I was home I sadly didn't have much equipment for any of these interests except a computer. It seemed limitless what I could do with it, whatever I wanted to do I could make it. It's not like electronics where as a kid getting parts was difficult except from old salvaged electronic devices. I could learn and make whatever I wanted, as long as the old family computer could run it. So I started learning a lot about computers during these times like basic algorithms and some basic games random Python scripts etc. In terms of computers, I was no genius, but for the age, I'm grateful I took the time to learn even the basics of it. Other than that I was a somewhat weird kid because I couldn't really take picking off some classmates as a joke and got annoyed at it quickly when they started interrupting me while I was drawing ( My dad was an artist in his youth so I picked that up from him, been scribbling every day in primary school when class was either boring or some kind of recess ) but even though they were picking on me, I to this day still really don't mind them, we were a pretty close class at the end of the day. And that's how most of my primary school went by, me being social with only a few friends and my informatics teacher as well. Other than that I was pretty sad during those years, I couldn't understand people and was contemplating the meaning of life as well, and that combined with me inheriting some stubbornness from mom, she and I were always fighting for homework, screentime, etc. Right now we are in a very good relationship so I'm greatful for that aswell. Seeing how I didnt really talk outside of school to many people expect a few friends ( I do live in a small village so if they were the same age as me they were in my class ) i basicly spent most of my time while not staying after school in a computer club we had for few hours every couple of days a week, i was cooped upped inside my house, playing with legos, being with grandparents or my cousins or being on computer and doing some programing, scripting, photoshoping and other things you can reasonably excect a child to do. And so passed most of my primary school.
When time came to plan for highschool, I originaly wanted to go to art school, but was quickly turned down by my mother because she thought it wasnt a smart idea. Personaly didn't like it at first, but she is a smart woman so in time i understood. Basicly other then liking to draw and paint, I wanted to go there bacause my best friend from class was going there and he also wanted me to come along. ( Funny how me the least popular guy and the youngest guy in class and he the most popular guy in class while also being the oldest were best friends, but thats a story for another day ) As my mom turned down my suggestion for art school she suggested I go to a school for a Mechatronics Technician. I didnt not like the idea as well I loved everything related to it. Other than that another option was Computer Technician ( basicly a programming oriented path ) but I decided mechatronics because i said to myself i can learn programing at home because the only tools i need are a computer, and mechanics, electronics and robotics is something I dont have at home so it will be really cool to learn all of that here and so, highschool started.
Oh how fast has the reality come crashing down as I understood what the whole mess of the education system actualy was. Most of the classes didnt have any equipment to actualy do anything practical, the other small portion that did the rest lf the 95% of class didnt understand anything so we couldnt do much or what was the more often scenario is that the proffesors just didnt really care at all so we would come to class and do absolutly nothing, like literaly nothing except waiting for the bell to ring. After i realised that I just started not coming to school most quite a bit. Mostly was not comming on fridays, some wednesdays etc most of the times I was actualy abit sick, but every time i was sick i exadurated it so my mom would let me stay home. Even though i was missing quite a bit of classes, if a class had something to do with math or logical thinking ( which most were ) i would usualy either be best at it in the class or almost the best for the pure reason I was actualy really interested and loved all the cool engineering stuff. On the other side if a subject was about 0 logic, full random name memorisation like the croatian literature class, I was almost if not the worst in class managing just barely to scrape by. Other than that there was one proffesor who I admired so much for his style of teaching, as he tought me so much during the only 2 years he lectured me ( my fourth year of highschool he was out because pention ). In simply half a year we went from 0 knowledge to designing, printing, creating and soldering a whole circuit on a pcb, I was always there for his classes. On the other time we were doing something else, he always had some cool stuff prepared when i was finished with work early, he was a great guy and still respect him alot. Other than that i was really disapointed how there existed zero after school activities that i could do that had to do anything with electronic, mechanics, robotics or programing.
On the side of my social life, the summer just before starting highschool I realised this was a great opportunity to redeem myself as i really didnt want to get picked on like in primary school. So what other kind of persona would somebody come up in this situation than one being supported by my pride itself, other than that i was basicly a "chameleon" aka adapting to every person around me which was probably the reason i made some friends but it usualy tired me out completly. And so it started really great actualy, nobody was picking on me, i was socialising ( only inside of my class usualy, other than the people who went to this town from my village that i already knew, but it was a big step up for me ) and learned how to shrug of others banter by pretending it didnt effect me. It was definitly in a better possition then primary school alright, but i did realise alot of people just moving away sometimes because of how i just increased pridefulness as i got more vulnerable. I think i was able to keep my pride to just below some overflowing point as i still managed to make a few friends.
And so some time passed, at home watching more videos about everything to do with engineering, getting a 3d printer and messing with it, programing some more and even trying to learn some business, economy and more about money. I even developed a game for the school as some special thing I got by talking to a teacher of mine. Other than that at the third year, thanks to a profesor i was able to get in touch with a software development company and was able to secure an internship for basicly the whole summer, which was a blast. I learned so much new things that opened doors to alot more things. After that i focused my random "Jack of all trades" learning to be mostly focused on modern used technologies, and the needs of possible job recruiters, and well it in general. That is the point i feel i truly started learning proper programing.
More on my development of pride, in highschool and in primary school i was actualy praised quite alot and being actualy abit good at something maybe was the thing that allowed me to get even some friends by being prideful. We can call that being lucky as the stars alligned, but anyways. During those years i also had two experiences with me falling in love for the first time. The first one didnt last more than a 4ish months maybe, it was basicly a crush thing that ended in a broken heart, but o boy it was a good waking called. I wonder what would happen to me without this realisation. Then the next one lasted basicly 7-8ish months in the 4th year of highschool, and this one was much more complicated and longer, but after it i learned quite a new few things. These two things really awoken me to who i am today, as i try to live each day with as much virtue as I can. I threw out the pride out of the window, and dont really care too much of somebodies bad opinions on me, if there are currently any. I came to terms with alot of things and am just able to accept things for what they are, without judgment.
As im writing this its quite late and am tired so sorry for bad grammar i want to shorten this abit. Basicly my whole life i loved scientists, engineers and the idea of colledge. Was always dreaming of becomingba "great scientist" like albert einstein or nikola tesla but the older i got, the more things i learned, the more that dream of going to colledge got shattered by reality. As i realised the giant flaws in the education system, after learning about money and realising colledges are just big businesses trying to earn alot of money, and that that is their main motivation, combines with seeing that scientists basicly to get any money and recognition these days need to literaly hop from trend to trend, research what is "in" currently or well no bread on the table just made the academia route of my life shatter before my eyes. Seeing how i knew quite abit computers i thought i could atleast land something, but after seeing people who were much longer in the industry praise me for a impressive knowledge on alot of fields and my ability to almost instantly grasp any concept thrown at me, i actualy got a job. Well this was how I decided to start working immediatly instead of going to colledge. After weighing the options combined with the additional knowledge i got about the job market, this was an obvious choice. I believe that my key to being objective is me being realistic, so sadly i know am not some do it all genious and know i need to rely on whatever i have to use as leverage to enhance my life, so learning from Warren Buffet that out of everything I got, my time was my biggest asset. Simply being young with the above average skills i have, I believe i have a reasonably good chance to have a virtous and fulfiling life.
But i still have that burning flame in my chest, i still love the idea i had of colledge, of becoming a scientist, an engineer. I tried looking for ways to convince myself otherwise and see that i was actualy wrong about it all, but each time i look, more and more i realise my initial assumptions were right. The world is slowly moving away from official education like colledges as everything can be learnt online, because of ai the next few years are going to be revolutionary in all of these fields so either the colledge courses are going to be very outdated or just some concept of a job will not simply be needed as a diffrent one apears. The posibilities and their volatility is just so high that i dont feel even 1% safe actualy going to colledge, seeing how devoting like 5 years to it will mean loosing the onlx advantage i can use, and that is me starting out young. And as a bonus because i have a job i actualy have more time than colledge to persume my other interest like mechanics and electronics as well as actualy funds.
Thanks for reading all of this, I can trust it was quite a journey reading everything i written basicly half asleep but i hope you were able to understand everything. Im really confused what to do, as I love both options but knowing that one has a much better chance of being useful to me than the other. Any advice you can give me will be greatly appriciated, be it about college like is there an actualy good colledge in europe thats is worth it in my place, or general life stuff, about work etc. Once again I cannot thank you enough for reading this and helping me. Thanks!
Edit: I havent said much about my job because this is more of a general reddit but for people who are in the field I am a backend developer, with some freelancing and opensource contributions on the side