Jacques felon

Hello everyone and welcome to the latest discussion of Les Misérables by Victor Hugo, which brings us into Part Two of the book! Today we are discussing 1.7.5 [Spokes in the Wheels in my edition] to 2.1.6 [Four o’Clock in the Afternoon]. Please do not spoil anything beyond that point. While many of us already know the story, there are also many of us who do not. If you are unsure what constitutes a spoiler, please see our spoiler policy.
Section summary
Part One, Book Seven: The Champmathieu Affair 5-11
Monsieur Madeleine/Jean Valjean starts his journey to Arras to attend Champmathieu’s trial, and on the way out of Montreuil-sur-Mer collides with a mail coach, damaging a wheel of the tilbury. Stopping in Hesdin to rest his horse, a stable-hand tells him the wheel will not last another half-mile, and that he’ll have to wait a day for it to be mended. Madeleine tries to find an alternative, but it seems fruitless, and he wonders if providence is giving him a way out of continuing his journey and taking Champmathieu’s place. However, a boy who overheard his conversation with the stable-hand brings him an old woman who will let him hire her cart. Valjean resumes his journey without tipping the boy, but is beset by more delays.
Fantine’s condition is worsening. She waits for Valjean’s daily visit, and is dejected when he does not arrive at the usual time. Soeur Simplice, who never lies (as was established in the previous section), tells her that the mayor is gone. Fantine assumes he has gone to fetch Cosette himself, which invigorates her.
Valjean asks for directions to the Arras courthouse, which is in the former bishops’ palace. The trial is still going on, but the courtroom is full. The only seats left are with the president, but he only allows elected officials to sit there. It seems to be another way out for Valjean, but he writes on a piece of paper that he is the mayor of Montreuil-sur-Mer and requests access to the courtroom. He is granted access, as his reputation precedes him, and the usher who was previously dismissive is suddenly deferential. The usher leaves him at a courtroom door reserved for honoured guests, and Valjean hesitates, runs away, dithers and finally retraces his steps to enter the room.
Valjean sees Champmathieu, who does resemble him somewhat but mostly in attitude. Monsieur Bamatabois, the man who put snow down Fantine’s dress, is one of the jurors. Valjean cannot see Javert. Champmathieu is charged with breaking into an orchard and stealing a branch of apples, as well as Valjean’s crimes of breaking the terms of his parole and committing highway robbery on Petit-Gervais (whenever Petit-Gervais is mentioned I just picture Ricky Gervais). He faces penal servitude, or possibly the death sentence.
The defence lawyer’s main argument is that there is no proof that Champmathieu climbed the orchard wall or stole the apples, and he could have just picked the branch off the ground. The public prosecutor has a stronger argument with credible witnesses, and seems to be winning the case.
Champmathieu is given a chance to say a few words, so he talks about his life and repeats his insistence that he is not Jean Valjean. He says the court can confirm this with Monsieur Baloup, his former boss in Paris, but the man could not be found. The public prosecutor tells the jury that Champmathieu comes across as a dumbass but it is all an act, and he’s actually very crafty and calculating. Javert is not present, but the prosecutor reads out his previous statement that Champmathieu is clearly Valjean and listing his crimes (which includes his suspicion that he robbed the Bishop of Digne, which seems harsh since Bienvenu himself said Valjean didn’t steal anything).
Three witnesses, convicts who served with Valjean in Toulon, also testify that Champmathieu is Valjean (One mentions that his nickname was Jean-le-Cric because of his strength, which I think means Jean the Jack, making it very apt for his rescue of Fauchelevent in the last section). It seems clear that Champmathieu will be convicted.
Suddenly, a harrowing voice near the judge calls out to the convict witnesses, and a man steps onto the floor of the court. Everyone is shocked to see it is Monsieur Madeleine. Pale and trembling, Valjean asks the convicts if they do not recognise him (they don’t). He tells the court that he is Valjean, and that Champmathieu should be freed. The judge asks for someone to fetch a doctor, and the public prosecutor is like LOL, classic Madeleine. Valjean insists that he is Valjean, admits to his crimes, and explains how the prison ships made him even more wicked but that he was saved by kindness. He tells them where to find the 40 sou coin he stole from Ricky Petit-Gervais, and addresses the convict witnesses, mentioning details he could not know unless he was also a former convict (I want to know more about Brevet’s chequered knitted braces).
Everyone in the courtroom watches agog, and nobody asks questions, but it’s clear to everyone that Monsieur Madeleine really is Jean Valjean. Valjean leaves, saying the public prosecutor knows where to find him and can arrest him when it suits him. Nobody stops him leaving, and at that moment there seemed to be something divine about him. The jury clears Champmathieu, who is astounded as he doesn’t understand what happened.
Part One, Book Eight: After-Effect 1-5
Back at the factory infirmary in Montreuil-sur-Mer, Valjean gets an update on the sleeping Fantine from Soeur Simplice. She is shocked to see that his hair has turned white, but he doesn’t seem to care. Soeur Simplice tells him that Fantine is eager to see Cosette and that she will be disappointed if she sees Valjean without her. However, he states that he will see her anyway as he may not have much time.
Fantine’s breathing sounds awful but her face is serene. She wakes, and asks for Cosette. The doctor tells her Cosette is here, but she must get better before she can see her. Valjean assures her that Cosette is beautiful and healthy. Fantine hears another child playing in the yard and thinks it is Cosette. Fantine talks about the happy future they will have together, and about planning her first communion. Suddenly, she sits up in shock and terror, as Javert has entered the room.
We find out that the judge had agreed to take the real Valjean into custody and issued an arrest warrant, which was delivered to Javert. Javert seems calm, but his collar is buckled awry, which “betrayed unprecedented agitation”. He is delighted with himself for being right about Monsieur Madeleine being Valjean, and has soldiers waiting outside.
Fantine hasn’t seen Javert since the night Valjean rescued her, and is terrified, but Valjean reassures her that Javert is not there for her. Javert is like “Valjean, at last, we see each other plain” [we’ll link this song in a future discussion though because it contains spoilers] and grabs his collar. Valjean asks if can have three days to fetch Cosette, and Javert laughs at him. Fantine realises Cosette is not there, and dies of shock. Valjean accuses Javert of killing Fantine, pulls a bar of iron off a bed and tells the trembling Javert not to disturb him. Valjean whispers something to Fantine, and Soeur Simplice thinks she sees a smile on the dead woman’s face. Valjean tidies Fantine’s clothes, closes her eyes and kisses her hand.
Javert puts Valjean in the town gaol. The people of Montreuil-sur-Mer are shocked that their mayor is a convicted felon, and immediately forget all the good things he has done for the town. Only a few people remain loyal to Valjean, including his doorkeeper. Valjean turns up at the house, surprising her; he has escaped from the gaol. She asks her to get Soeur Simplice, then enters his room, leaving the ferrules of his staff and the 40 sou piece on a table with a note. He wraps up the silver candlesticks in cloth from an old shirt, and eats some bread he took with him from prison eight years ago (… That doesn’t seem like a great idea, is that even safe?) Valjean gives Soeur Simplice a note for the town’s priest instructing him to use Valjean’s fortune to pay for the trial and Fantine’s burial, and give the rest to the poor.
They hear a commotion on the stairs; it is Javert and his men. The doorkeeper says nobody has been in the house all day, but Javert can see a light in the room. Valjean hides behind a door before Javert enters, and Soeur Simplice falls to her knees to pray. Javert venerates authority and knows Soeur Simplice’s reputation for never lying, so when she says she is alone in the room and has not seen Valjean, he believes her without question, not even noticing that the candle is still smoking. Valjean is later seen by several carters walking towards Paris. Fantine is buried in a paupers’ grave.
Part Two, Book One: Waterloo 1-6
Victor Hugo recounts how in 1861 he walked from Nivelles towards La Hulpe, and saw a big stone gateway with holes from cannonballs and bullets. He is at Hougoumont, part of the battlefield of Waterloo, which was fought in 1815 between Napoleon’s French army and a coalition of armies from the UK, the Netherlands, Hanover, Brunswick, Nassau and Prussia. Hugo calls Hougoumont “the first resistance encountered at Waterloo by that great tree-feller of Europe whose name was Napoleon”. Hougoumont was once a manor house, but now it is just a farm. Hugo notes that if Napoleon had been able to capture it, this patch of ground might perhaps have given him the world.
Signs of battle are still visible in the courtyard, although several buildings have been pulled down. Fierce fighting took place in the chapel, and wells in the courtyard are no longer used as they’re full of skeletons (The Hougoumont Wikipedia page says the bodies in wells is a myth, and I hope Wikipedia is right because the idea that some of those people were still alive a day after being flung into a well full of corpses is horrifying). Hugo calls the orchard dreadful, with signs of rifle fire and other destruction, and trees filled with bullets. According to him, 1,500 people died in this orchard during the battle, but when he visits it is full of spring flowers.
We jump back to June 1815, a few months before Valjean got his parole. If it had not rained the night before the battle, the future of Europe would have been different. Napoleon’s battle plans were designed around artillery fire, and the French side has vastly more artillery than the other side; however, the ground was too wet for the artillery, so the battle didn’t start until 11:30am when the ground had dried out. However, this delay gave the Prussian army time to join the battle and turn the tide. If the ground had been dry in the morning, and the battle had started at 6am, it would have been over before the Prussians arrived. (Fun fact! Scientists now think that a volcanic eruption from Mount Tambora in Indonesia instigated this heavy rain. This is the same volcanic eruption that caused the following year to be called ‘The Year Without a Summer’ in Europe, and led to Mary Shelley writing Frankenstein. This proves again that we can always find a connection to Frankenstein)
Hugo also muses as to whether Napoleon had got too old and decrepit to lead battles effectively, and then casually mentions that at the time of the battle, Napoleon was the crusty old age of *checks notes* … 46?!! (Victor Hugo was about 60 when this book was published)
Hugo says he has no intention of writing the history of Waterloo, and then goes on to write about it for the rest of this chapter. He asks us to visualise the battlefield, saying the English army led by Wellington had a better position on higher ground. He asks us to imagine Napoleon on his horse (this dramatic picture is actually of Napoleon crossing the Alps in 1800 but it is a better picture of his horse).
“Everyone is familiar with the first phase of this battle,” says Hugo, which I don’t think is correct (Then again, my knowledge of this battle is mostly from ABBA. I was going to say Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure too but I’ve just checked and that actually shows the Battle of Austerlitz in 1805, although of course Napoleon does visit the Waterloo water park). Between noon and 4pm, the fog of war sets in.
By 4pm, the English army is in trouble and lots of people and horses are dead. The English line falls back, and Napoleon cries out that they are retreating.
Bookclub Bingo 2023 categories: Gutenberg, Translated (blue), Big Read (blue), Historical Fiction (green)
Other potentially useful links:

• Discussion schedule
• Marginalia
• Discussion 1
• Discussion 2
• Discussion 3
• Napoleon on Wikipedia
• The morning of the Battle of Waterloo, from the 1970 movie ‘Waterloo’
• ABBA’s winning performance of Waterloo at Eurovision 1974

The discussion questions are in the comments below.
Join us for the next discussion on Sunday 2nd July, when u/Blackberry_Weary will lead a discussion on the chapters 2.1.7 - 2.3.7.

JOE ROGAN AND BOB LAZAR -- A TALE OF PARALLEL UNIVERSES?
By Douglas D. Johnson
Implacable_Gaze on reddit
ddeanjohnson on Twitter
Having long since internalized the admonition of pop-culture-UFO promoter Jeremy Kenyon Lockyer Corbell to "weaponize your curiosity," I must ask: Does Joe Rogan inhabit parallel universes simultaneously -- one universe in which Bob Lazar's story is absolutely true, and another universe in which Joe Rogan never heard of Bob Lazar?
This question troubles me because, on December 4, 2020, Joe Rogan broadcast a 3.25 hour interview with Jacques Vallee. Vallee, a computer scientist, is (among many other things) one of the world's most knowledgeable persons on claims of physical samples purportedly associated with UFO events, including "UFO crashes." Indeed, Vallee himself has acquired a number of such samples over the decades, one or more of which are now said to be undergoing analysis at Stanford University under the auspices of Dr. Garry Nolan.
Of course, Joe Rogan previously has also enthusiastically promoted, to his audiences of millions, selected tales of Bob Lazar. A Lazar appearance on Rogan's show in June, 2019, was viewed over 13 million times on YouTube.
Beginning in 1989, Bob Lazar claimed to have worked briefly in a secret federal government program that possessed nine (9) intact alien spacecraft (intact, except that one craft had a hole in it, in one version)-- at least one of which was being used in test flights in 1988. According to Lazar's original tales as told in 1989 and for some years thereafter, this program had existed for many years before they hired Lazar. The program had previously involved a contingent of resident aliens, until a breach of protocol in 1979 caused the aliens to slaughter 44 humans. The aliens then departed, but the nine spacecraft remained.
So, to summarize, Rogan has enthusiastically, uncritically promoted to millions of viewers, a universe in which the federal government has possessed at least nine intact alien spacecraft, at least one operational, since at least 1979 -- i.e., for more than 40 years.
Yet on December 4, 2020, with a world expert on reported UFO crashes and UFO-related physical samples sitting in front of Joe Rogan for 3.25 hours -- much of their conversation devoted to stories of purported UFO crashes and metallic samples said to be associated with such events -- Rogan never even asked Vallee about that secret federal program or the nine alien craft in federal custody. Indeed, Rogan referred to Bob Lazar only once, in a passing 10-second observation, noting that Lazar had said researchers in the secret program were compartmentalized from each other -- but no questions.
Also, as they sat there for over 3 hours, discussing at length various bits of perhaps-UFO-associated debris that may or may not prove to have unusual physical characteristics (stay tuned), Rogan also never asked about Lazar's 31-year-old claim that he (Lazar) pilfered from the secret program and retained a sample of an "stable isotope" of Element 115, used to power the alien craft. No such isotope exists naturally on earth, and no such substance can be manufactured by humans, so confirmation of this Lazar claim would be physical proof of alien visitation. Moreover, Lazar has claimed that this undeniably alien isotope has multiple extraordinary properties -- it defeats gravity, creates force fields, and also churns out power "equivalent to what our sun possesses."
These core Lazar claims about "Element 115" have been embraced and promoted by Corbell and by George Knapp, a prolific broadcaster and writer on anomalous topics, and the man who originally broad Lazar's story to public attention. Both Corbell and Knapp have given credence not only to the core story of the alien isotope, but to various imaginative elaborations. For example, Knapp has repeatedly described how Lazar once had the capacity to blow up much of Las Vegas with a small sample of Element 115 in a "particle accelerator" that Lazar possessed. Knapp has also stated that he knows where the alien isotope is hidden. Element 115 played a major part in a highly profitable 2018 pseudo-documentary about Lazar that was directed by Corbell and produced by Knapp.
Certainly, for anyone who takes seriously what Lazar, Knapp, and Corbell have said, this Element 115 isotope sample certainly sounds a lot more important and exciting than, say, scraps of magnesium from something that exploded in Brazil in 1957 -- yet, Rogan never asked Vallee about Lazar's Element 115 sample, or about the multiple astonishing properties attributed by Lazar to this alien isotope.
Why do you suppose Joe Rogan passed up such an opportunity?
Why also, do you suppose, have Lazar and his promoters never in 31 years done anything like called a televised press conference, at which samples of the alien isotope would be turned over to multiple independent analysts (at least one foreign, none connected to the U.S. government)? The federal government would be powerless to prevent it, or to prevent the analyses from proceeding and the results being widely disseminated -- bringing world acclaim to Lazar and his promoters. The "explanations" by the Lazar promoters of why nothing like has occurred are so illogical and evasive as to provoke mirth and incredulity in anyone not already prone to suspend all critical faculties when Lazar, Knapp, or Corbell speak.
Curiously, both Knapp and Corbell often advocate loudly for "disclosure" of purported UFO secrets by the government -- yet, they do not cry out for disclosure by their golden boy, Bob Lazar, of purported physical proof of alien visitation. Why do you think that is?
But getting back to Joe Rogan: In the Lazar universe, which Joe Rogan has promoted as reality, Lazar controls a physical sample of an isotope that would provide undeniable proof of alien technology. So I ask again: Why did Joe Rogan not ask Jacques Vallee, the UFO-materials expert, about Lazar's claims about the superpowered alien isotope, or about the nine intact alien spacecraft?
I think that Rogan's ringing silence suggests that Rogan really has no interest in bringing any manner of critical scrutiny to bear on Lazar's 31 years of stories. After all, if Rogan had pressed Vallee about Lazar's claims about captive spacecraft and a superpowered alien isotope sample, Rogan very well might have received answers that undermined, contradicted, or otherwise cast shade on Lazar's claims. Any failure to receive affirmations regarding Lazar might have induced cognitive dissonance among some portion of Rogan's audience -- even, perhaps, doubts here and there about Rogan's powers of discernment.
Certainly, Rogan's 2019 interview with Lazar betrayed no evidence of any serious vetting of Lazar's claims -- even though information publicly available since the 1990s (thanks in large part to the early work of researchers such as Tom Mahood and Stanton Friedman) has demonstrated that Lazar is a credential-fabricating serial prevaricator.
Lazar is not a scientist – his claims to possess two advanced degrees were brazen fabrications (he has only a B.S. from a mail order mill, later shut down by the State of California). He is a somewhat bright tech nerd, but also a lazy liar who doesn't make much effort to keep his stories straight. There is hardly any significant event or claim among the Lazar tales on which he has not offered contradictory versions and/or made assertions that conflict widely with public records. Lazar's UFO-related stories contained little that was truly original to Lazar, and key elements (such as the exact appearance of the "scout craft" Lazar claimed he'd seen fly) were swiped from UFO literature (mostly hoax stuff) popular at the time. Recent claims that Lazar successfully described one or another unlikely thing, back in 1989, that later proved to be true, each collapse under critical scrutiny.
Lazar has intermittently cashed in on his ramshackle collection of UFO tales, including running a bidding war for movie rights to his story. (New Line Cinema won the prize in 1993 and projected an $8 to $10 million production, but the movie was never made.) Lazar's UFO stories are merely one sideline among many enterprises – some that have been legitimate, some that have been bullshit, and some that have brought him into conflict with the law. Lazar is a convicted felon (Nevada). His firm was federally convicted criminally on a different matter.
But hey – it doesn't pay to ask too many questions. The show must go on – right, Joe Rogan?

Honestly, the whole Atlas subplot about there being a huge hole in the wall is just Plot Induced Stupidity. Like, the plot had to bend itself BACKWARDS in order to make it an issue. For one thing, even if Ironwood couldn't spare Dust to fix the wall, he could've easily had a few Paladins or even a Colossus guarding that hole in the walls, to provide some security. I really really doubt that Ironwood would be pressed into needing those robots for his Amity Satellite project. If Argus, a Mistral trade city that's under the protection of Atlas, can have Hard-Light Dust installations and a Colossus mecha to protect it from the Grimm, then Atlas should be able to do MUCH more than that with defending and protecting Mantle, which is literally in their backyard.
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And I mean for fuck's sake, it wouldn't even take that much to fix the wall by themselves without having to ask the Atlas Military! Why do they need Atlas to fix the wall for them?! It's not a high tech wall with Hard-Light Dust installations and dust generators, it's a concrete wall with some steel reinforcement. I mean literally, is there not a single Atlas Hunter who was skilled in wielding Dust who couldn't have just used some Ice Dust or Earth Dust to create a huge wall to cover up the hole in the walls? They live in Atlas, the most Dust rich Kingdom in Remnant. Finding enough Dust wouldn't have been an issue. Hell, Weiss could've done exactly that by herself, with maybe Jaune helping with his Semblance to Amplify her Dust through her Glyphs to create a huge wall to cover the hole. Boom, instant simple solution! Why did no one ever think about that!?
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What's even more frustrating about the portrayal of Mantle and Robyn's whole motivation concerning the outer wall is that... the hole she's talking about can literally be fixed in a few days by Mantle itself. Why do they need Atlas to fix the wall for them?! It's not a high tech wall with Hard-Light Dust installations and Dust generators, it's a concrete wall with some steel reinforcement. It makes Robyn look impossibly irrational and stupid, devalues her entire motivation and also makes the rest of Mantle look incredibly dependent on Atlas for even BASIC maintenance jobs like fixing a wall.
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The funniest shit about all this is that Robyn doesn't steal the materials to fix the wall herself, she instead "redistributes the supplies", aka gives everything to people who have no use for it (unless she was feeding cement to hobos). In other words, she did this just to spite Ironwood.
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This leads to Ironwood's suppliers REFUSING to sell him more until he fixes the wall... Except he cant even fix if they don't sell him the supplies in the first place???
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In fact, why do they need Ironwood specifically to fix the wall?! He's the military general, not the mayor. The roads in my city are garbage but I'm not going to say the army should fix it lol. The other Council Members didn't give a fuck about Mantle or the wall and were only worried about what Ironwood was hiding. I feel like they wanted a reason to make Ironwood look like the "bad guy" for caring more about Amity than Mantle but they couldn't make him too bad or else Ruby would look bad too for supporting him. And then they make up a super bizarre, stupid and forced that shouldn't exist.
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And so, Ironwood makes Mantle suffer... by not fixing one wall.
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You know what also is super funny? Every time Mantle riots (talking about the show here), they're actively destroying their own city, with many of them being Robyn's followers. Forest even say throwing bricks at ships is "worth it" if it gets attention. Either way Mantle doesn't care about their own city like they pretend or they expect Ironwood to fix their destruction, making all of the rioters massive hypocrites.
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Ironwood's position and power is so bizarrely vague. Like, apparently the other Council members have the ability to vote him off if they want to, but also apparently Ironwood is allowed to keep the project he's sinking their resources into as classified? And none of the other Council member can answer the problems Ironwood is supposedly causing? What do the other Council members do? Do they have no say in Ironwood's martial law plan at the end of the season? Ironwood is powerful enough to be blamed for everything, weak enough to potentially lose his power to a guy who was elected yesterday, despite working as HeadmasteGeneral meaning his seats shouldn't be controlled by the Council in the first place. Ironwood truly has the worst of both worlds!
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On a serious note, the idea of "The Council" it's handled horribly, so much that we still have no idea what the other members are supposed to represent. Were they elected or not? If they weren't they how did they get their seats? Why is there no one representing Mantle in the first place? We know practically nothing, they only exist in V7 to threaten Ironwood's power and make the insufferable cunt that is Robyn Hill look better by having them side with her over Ironwood.
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Robyn is one of the worst, insufferable characters to have ever been introduced in RWBY. The writers try desperately to make us like her and root for her but almost every action she takes just shows her to be an unlikable cunt who the plot has to bend over backwards to make her look important and necessary when in reality, she's just an eyesore that won't go away. For one thing, why the fuck was Robyn Hill allowed into the SDC Formal Dinner and eating with the Atlesian Council when they know that the first second she realized that she lost the election, she and her Happy Huntresses started rioting throughout Mantle and committing crimes like assaulting military soldiers and causing riots and property damage?! And even though WE THE AUDIENCE know that the election is rigged, the characters DON'T. So let's imagine in this hypothetical scenario that Jacques Schnee won the election fair and square and the majority of the people decided they wanted Jacques over Robin as their Councilman. We all know what Robyn's actions and reaction would've been. She would NOT have accepted the results of the election and would've started riots, because she's a violent irrational domestic terrorist. Why didn't ANY of those Atlas Council members toss that terrorist Robyn Hill into jail instead of inviting her to that Formal Dinner as if she wasn't an irrational, vigilante felon? Because Plot Induced Stupidity!
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A Deconstruction of Robyn Hill's Semblance
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Now, let me go off on a little tangent about Robyn's Semblance. Because I really don't understand why people regard Robyn's Semblance as being as reliable as they seem to think it is. To the point where the 2 other Council members thought that going under Robyn's Semblance would be the same as being under oath or that it would hold up in a court of law. Which I consider to being pretty retarded for a number of reasons.
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I think any lawyer worth their salt could make pretty compelling arguments against trusting the validity of Robyn's Semblance when it comes to telling the truth. Simply refusing to subject yourself to Robyn's Semblance isn't an admission of guilt by itself. Besides, given that Semblances are reflections of people's souls, what exactly does it say about Robyn as a person that her Semblance manifests as Lie Detection? If she actually trusted people, she would never need to use her Semblance to detect lies. The phrase, "Who watches the watchers?" comes to mind.
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From what we've seen of Robyn's Semblance so far is that it's pretty binary in how it tells the truth, which is not helpful at all. It glows green if someone is telling the truth and presumably glows red if someone is lying. The thing is though that the truth is much more complicated than that. We don't see how her Semblance can detect truth or lies on a spectrum.
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And the biggest weakness on the reliability of Robyn's Semblance is Robyn herself. Robyn is not a machine, which is unemotional and objective to all. She's a person, with strong emotions, beliefs, and biases. Given that we've seen emotions affect Semblances, ( like how the emotional distress that Pyrrha was going through affected how she used her Semblance, like when she twisted and untwisted her weapons and when she accidentally lashed out at Jaune, hurtling him hard into a wall.), one can easily argue that Robyn's Semblance is unreliable because it can be affected by her emotions and biases. After all, her Semblance may say that someone is lying when they're telling the truth, because Robyn in the inside WANTS what they're saying to be a lie or doesn't believe it to be a truth. How can one verify if what Robyn's Semblance is the actual objective truth or what Robyn BELIEVES is the truth, even if the facts disagree? And I'm sure anyone can make the argument that Robyn using her Semblance on Ironwood or Jacques wouldn't be reliable or trustworthy and would be highly suspect, because her publicly known biases against them could influence how her Semblance works. Plus, I'm sure one could make the easy argument that Robyn's Semblance is unreliable because of bias or an inability to be objective. With a machine, it's objective and can't really discriminate against certain people based on it's personal feelings about them because it doesn't have personal feelings. But with a person like Robyn who has a Semblance, there's no real way that she herself can be objective. Anyone could reasonably make the claim that her Semblance isn't conclusive or that it could be manipulated depending on how Robyn feels about the person being lie detected on. It's unverifiable and not falsifiable. The "truth" could be whatever Robyn THINKS is the truth, rather than the actual objective truth.
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Plus, her Semblance itself seems pretty binary. It doesn't take into consideration things like nuance or context or degrees in a spectrum. For example,
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• what about a statement that has a half-truth in it?
  
• Or a statement that the person THINKS is true? (Ex. If Robyn's Semblance was used on Cardin and he said something about how he thinks "Faunus are just dirty animals and degenerates.", is that really a lie if it's simply an opinion of his that he THINKS is true?)
  
• Or a statement that's only untrue based on a lack of knowledge. (Ex. What is the square root of 225? A person answers "17". The real answer is 15 but is it really considered a lie if the person answering doesn't know it like that?)
  
• Or what about lies of omission or someone twisting their own words in a certain context to mean something?
  

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The fact of the matter is that I'm sure anyone can reasonably argue that there's no way to objectively verify the validity and objectivity and reliability of Robyn's Semblance or to take it's results at face value. It doesn't make sense why the other Council members would think that Robyn's Semblance would be a legitimate and reliable way to verify the truth, or let's say argue that the results of Robyn's Semblance would be admissible in a court of law.
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Now, contrast this with Jinn, the Relic of Knowledge. We have very good reason to believe that what Jinn says and shows is the complete objective truth. She's a spirit of knowledge created by the Gods themselves. Not only that but she can see and show the present and the past and even be able to accurately describe the thoughts and emotions that people were feeling at the time. And we never really get the impression that Jinn lies or tricks people. When Ruby asked her what was Ozma hiding from them, she went up and beyond in providing a detailed answer. So we have every reason to believe that what Jinn says and reveals is the complete, objective, unbiased, unfiltered truth of the matter. Jinn is literally in-universe Word of God. And when you compare and contrast that to the far less reliable Robyn Hill and her Semblance, I'm sure you can see what I mean when I say that Robyn's Semblance is too unreliable and unverifiable to be taken at face value.
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Do you get what I mean by all this? Robyn's Semblance is simply far too binary to be able to detect something as complex and complicated as determine truth (philosophers and great thinkers have been struggling with that questions for millennia) along with the fact that emotions can influence Semblances and that we can't verify if what Robyn's Semblance is actually a truth or not because it very well could be that it's her emotions and biases towards the person she's detecting that could be influencing what her Semblance detects is a truth or a lie and/or her Semblance can't really detect lies or truth on a spectrum.
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Do you get what I'm saying?
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Sorry for going off a little bit, I just had to get that off my chest.

The fact that people are willing to defend Caroline Cordovin is the strangest thing to arise from the Argus arc. The show has done nothing but portray Cordovin as antagonistic, impetuous, and utterly unsympathetic. It is baffling that anyone could come to the conclusion that she is somehow a misunderstood, righteous heroine and that “Team RWBY is the bad guy here”. And whilst most RWBY comments on this issue are perfectly sound, there are still an alarming number of Cordovin apologists, including prominent FNDM members. This is a comprehensive and definitive analysis of the issue. No stone is left unturned.
*Edits for formatting
I. LAWFULNESS
A lot of Cordo’s support is predicated around one notion: Cordovin is enforcing Atlesian law. Let’s establish some things:

• Cordovin has a duty to enforce Atlesian law
• By assaulting two Atlesian agents, commandeering an Atlesian military vessel, and attempting to bypass Ironwood’s embargo, Team RWBY have in fact broken Atlesian law and are therefore criminals
• Cordovin is thus legally justified, if not obligated, to try and stop them

Taking this and only this into consideration, Cordo is lawfully in the right to take action against Team RWBY. If we were to stop here and ignore all else, if Atlesian law was the single and ultimate authority on what is considered right and wrong in the RWBY diegesis, if the law was the single and ultimate authority on what is considered right and wrong in the real world, then praise to Cordovin.
But there’s more to being right or wrong than being lawful. And even when only considering the lawfulness of everyone’s actions, there’s more to it. Instead of scrambling some fighters to round up RWBYJNRQOM, Cordo chooses to deploy her mech. A mech that as Jaune points out, is:

not designed for small enemies

But is rather

meant for giant Grimm that come in from deeper waters

So, Cordo has decided to deal with a single hijacked aircraft and some felons who are on foot by personally piloting the mech intended to protect Argus from giant seaborne Grimm away from the city. Strategically speaking, this is incredibly foolish. Moreover, in the process she:

• Busts the mech out of the military base’s mountain structure in spectacular fashion, an act sure to raise alarm amongst the Argus populace
• Screams threats and wails like a banshee over the mech’s loudspeakers, further inciting panic in the city (thereby attracting Grimm)
• Ignores the base’s attempts to contact her
• Places Argus’ best defence against giant Grimm at risk (resulting in its disabling)

Thus, not only is Cordo hopelessly inept, she has also committed multiple high crimes and misdemeanors, including but not limited to:

• Malfeasance in office (by exceeding and abusing her powers through ignorance, inattention, and malice)
• Misuse of assets (by recklessly deploying the mech in inappropriate circumstances and needlessly exposing it to damage)
• Dereliction of duties (by personally abandoning the base and city she is meant to protect, drawing Grimm towards said city, and by unnecessarily jeopardizing the city’s best defence)

Whilst Team RWBY are indisputably felons according to Atlesian law, by responding to them in the manner that she did, Cordovin has forfeited the lawful high-ground. Not only should she be reprimanded for her incompetence, she should be court-martialed for abusing her authority and neglecting her duties. If Team RWBY should be criticized for unlawful behavior, so should Cordovin for her offences. But all of these legal shenanigans should be dismissed as largely irrelevant when compared to the following.
II. REASON
Distinct from who has Atlesian law on their side, let’s consider who has reason on their side.
Is the Atlas embargo reasonable?
No. Ironwood has consistently been portrayed as a well-meaning individual who makes ill-advised decisions. He has consistently been shown to be on downward spiral towards counterproductive, autocratic, military-security state worship. Despite the Ozluminati’s admonitions, his insistence on keeping Atlas’ exorbitant military presence in Vale during V3 led to Atlas' present unpopularity amongst the other kingdoms. His dust embargo would have only intensified hostile feelings. And if curtailing the other kingdoms’ access to the single most important resource for their survival isn’t bad enough, closing Atlas’ borders signals that he is preparing for war, even if he isn’t. Let’s remember that one of the show's major themes is that there is strength in unity and weakness in division. Nothing says division like cutting your kingdom off from the rest of the world in a time where dialogue and solidarity is more important than ever. The Atlas embargo is irrational and misguided, a product of Ironwood’s growing paranoia and perturbation despite his good intentions. In other words, this particular piece of Atlesian law is wrong to begin with; it shouldn't exist in the first place.
Is RWBYJNRQOM being reasonable?
Yes. The importance of Team RWBY’s mission (more on this later) dictates that they need to get to Atlas. They pleaded with Cordo to properly hear them out, which she refused to do. Granted, Nora likely made a poor first impression on her, and Maria’s constant provocations certainly didn’t help. Regardless, Cordo has been portrayed as obstinate to the point that she would in all likelihood have dismissed and have continued to dismiss them no matter what.
They can’t just sit around indefinitely with the Relic in tow, as the longer it is out in the open the more vulnerable it becomes, and the longer they (and people around them) are endangered by Grimm. They tried to get to Atlas through legitimate means. They were denied. Their options have been exhausted.
Weiss can’t go to Atlas alone with the Relic. She will likely be seized and for all intents imprisoned by her father with no guarantee that she would be able to contact Ironwood. Furthermore, it’s probably best that Qrow/Ozcar are there to ensure that Ironwood doesn’t do anything reckless on top of all the other poor decisions he’s made. And who knows what Jacques would do if he seizes the Relic first.
So out of lawful options, they steal the ship. As solid a plan as any. No other practical options are clear. I mean, they could haul a vulnerable Relic across the world with no reliable means of transport in a vain attempt to get to Vacuo, the security of which is uncertain, ignoring Oz’s directive, letting Ironwood fester in his dangerously mounting paranoia, and in all likelihood getting murdered by the villains along the way. Moreover, they execute their plan as quietly as they can, taking care to leave the two nubuck guards unharmed too. No one would have batted an eye if Adam hadn’t rocked up.
With the plan having gone south, Team RWBY are perfectly entitled to defend themselves from Cordo’s psychotic rampage. If they surrender or are arrested, they will probably be held at the base indefinitely with no way to contact Ironwood, and they might lose the Relic. If they get vaporized, Salem's victory is virtually guaranteed. So they fight, and Ruby even makes one last plea with Cordo to hear them out, but it’s all for naught. Given their circumstances, Team RWBY acted as appropriately and as reasonably as they could. Nora and Maria could have been more tactful, but the result would have been the same regardless.
Is Cordovin being reasonable?
No. Beginning from her very first scene, Cordovin’s character has two defining traits:

• Her egotism
• Her feud with Maria

Her egotism bares itself in her jingoism as much as it does explicitly. Not only does she unconditionally believe in Atlas’ superiority over all others, Cordo believes that Caroline Cordovin is the greatest embodiment of this superiority:

… And it is my duty to uphold them, as only I have the wit and tenacity for such a task.

Incidentally, the rest of the Atlas personnel buy into her narcissism for whatever reason:

Such wit! Such tenacity!

The massive extent to which Cordo’s feud with Maria consumes her should be obvious. Her very first line in the show, which is directed towards Maria, is:

Witch.

These two factors motivate literally every decision she makes in the show to some degree; even those which are lawfully justified. But Cordo isn’t thinking in terms of what’s right and wrong, and she isn't thinking in terms of what's reasonable; she barely thinks at all. She lets her egomania and hatred towards Maria dominate her.
For example, as Commanding Officer she has no obligation to hear Team RWBY out. And as she says, she is by no means “responsible” for the party. But as opposed to whether she is merely honoring her obligations, it is questionable whether her refusal to properly listen to them is reasonable. She is being petitioned by Qrow Branwen - one of the most renowned and “elite Huntsm[e]n” in Remnant - and Weiss Schnee, daughter of the Atlas military’s largest partner and sister to presumably one of Atlas’ best Special Operatives. It would be sensible to hear such figures out. Even if the base has no immediate way to contact Atlas by virtue of the CCTS being down, it is well within Cordo’s means to send a message to Ironwood seeking confirmation with the next supply transport or whatever. But she refuses to even consider this. She believes so stringently in her own infallibility - how could “insolent children” request something of her? - and is blinder than the literally eyeless Maria because of her feud with the woman that she dismisses them without a second thought. She only considers letting Weiss return to Atlas, largely because she believes it might boost her own standing in Ironwood’s eyes:

I’m sending two of my best guards to personally escort you. Make sure General Ironwood hears that part. (winks)

Of course, Cordo’s decision to pilot the mech is unreasonable for the same reasons that it is incompetent and transgressive. It is worth noting that this decision was not the result of a simple error in judgment, but of a hate-fuelled temper tantrum. She deploys the mech because she believes it to be the greatest, most grandiose statement of her superiority over Maria and the team, and of her superiority in general:

You thought you you could undermine my authority? If you don’t return my ship this INSTANT, I will make an example out of you.
All Atlas personnel standby, and watch how your leader maintains order!
It’s time you asked yourselves, children… Do you truly wish to defy me?

Cordo is myopic to the point that all rational thought is upended by her desire to prove how awesome she is, and to settle her vendetta with Maria while she’s at it. Her actions are unreasonable. The closing of Atlas’ borders is unreasonable to begin with. And while RWBYJNRQOM’s actions are indeed unlawful, they are as reasonable as possible given their circumstances.
III. RIGHTEOUSNESS
But this is the crux of the issue. While there might be shades of grey in between, RWBY’s central overarching plot is largely black and white. There are clear heroes and villains. There is a clear path of righteousness and a path of evil. Team RWBY is literally trying to save the world. RWBY is not some grimdark nihilistic spiel questioning the girls' moral integrity or if the world deserves to be saved. In terms of what is right and wrong, their mission is as righteous as it can possibly get.
Team RWBY needs to succeed. If they don’t, then Cordo and Atlas are as screwed as everyone else in Remnant. And their mission dictates that they need to get to Atlas. Sure, Cordo - due to her own obstinacy - does not comprehend the gravity of their situation. But that does not somehow diminish its importance, nor its righteousness. Nor does it diminish the sheer irrationality of Cordo's decisions. Yes, RWBYJNRQOM commit a felony. The only ‘wrong’ they committed, a felony:

• which they only resort to when lawful channels are exhausted as a consequence of Cordo’s impetuousness
• that reasonably should not exist in the first place; a product of Ironwood’s increasing short-sightedness
• that they try to go about as harmlessly as possible

But ultimately, committing this most abhorrent and heinous of crimes is perfectly justified and indeed, right, when the alternative is very possibly Salem’s victory.
On the other hand, Cordo can be faulted for:

• committing a number of misdemeanors
• being impetuous to the point of stupidity
• recklessly escalating the situation to the point where she is mostly if not wholly responsible for Argus’ current predicament

If Team RWBY fail their mission, then that is by far and away the greater wrong when compared to the felony they committed. In fact, morally, ethically, and reasonably - basically every metric for determining right from wrong bar the law, which as we’ve established is itself wrong in this scenario - Team RWBY were very much in the right to make the decisions that they did.

I don’t care how many people see Cordovin as the bad guy here. She’s not. She’s in the right. If she didn’t want to call up Ironwood to confirm what they were saying, well it’s tough luck for them. Because she holds the power.

This is what one prominent FNDM member commented. And it is “tough luck” for Team RWBY. They might as well pack things up, better luck next time and all that. But that’s right, if they fail and Salem wins, there won’t be a next time.

These constant "the heroes are the bad guys!!" responses are like watching a Robin Hood movie and seeing the audience cheer for the Sheriff of Nottingham: "He's the legal authority!"

This is what DezoPenguin had to say. And whilst the analogy might not be 100% perfect, it gets the idea across.
Laws can be unreasonable, they are not faultless, they can be wrong, both in Remnant and in the real world. Individuals in positions of power can be unreasonable, they are not infallible, they can be wrong, both in Remnant and in the real world. If most, if not everything that I have said seems obvious to you, then good, because it is obvious.
Cordovin is portrayed to be as unlikable as possible. She is a caricature that represents the pettiness and failure of politics, of laws, and of the people that are tasked to enforce them in the RWBY storyline. If Team RWBY are ultimately arrested in the finale, then that might be an interesting way to further emphasize these ideas. But to conclude that “Team RWBY is the bad guy here” is utterly bewildering.
Defending Cordovin is the weirdest hill to die on. It requires some serious mental gymnastics. It reads like contrarianism for the sake of contrarianism. As a delusion to justify attacks on the show's protagonists. The issue is as clear-cut as it can get.

Rosicrucian and Masonic Origins by Manly P. Hall 1901-1990
From Lectures on Ancient Philosophy—”An Introduction to the Study and Application of Rational Procedure": The Hall Publishing Company, Los Angeles, First Edition 1929, Chapter 19
FREEMASONRY is a fraternity within a fraternity—”an outer organization concealing an inner brotherhood of the elect. Before it is possible to intelligently discuss the origin of the Craft, it is necessary, therefore, to establish the existence of these two separate yet interdependent orders, the one visible and the other invisible. The visible society is a splendid camaraderie of “free and accepted” men enjoined to devote themselves to ethical, educational, fraternal, patriotic, and humanitarian concerns. The invisible society is a secret and most august fraternity whose members are dedicated to the service of a mysterious arcanum arcanorum. Those Brethren who have essayed to write the history of their Craft have not included in their disquisitions the story of that truly secret inner society which is to the body Freemasonic what the heart is to the body human.In each generation only a few are accepted into the inner sanctuary of the Work, but these are veritable Princes of the Truth and their sainted names shall be remembered in future ages together with the seers and prophets of the elder world. Though the great initiate-philosophers of Freemasonry can be counted upon one’s fingers, yet their power is not to be measured by the achievements of ordinary men. They are dwellers upon the Threshold of the Innermost, Masters of that secret doctrine which forms the invisible foundation of every great theological and rational institution.
The outer history of the Masonic order is one of noble endeavor, altruism, and splendid enterprise; the inner history, one of silent conquest, persecution, and heroic martyrdom. The body of Masonry rose from the guilds of workmen who wandered the face of medieval Europe, but the spirit of Masonry walked with God before the universe was spread out or the scroll of the heavens unrolled. The enthusiasm of the young Mason is the effervescence of a pardonable pride. Let him extol the merits of his Craft, reciting its steady growth, its fraternal spirit, and its worthy undertakings. Let him boast of splendid buildings and an ever-increasing sphere of influence. These are the tangible evidence of power and should rightly set a-flutter the heart of the Apprentice who does not fully comprehend as yet that great strength which abides in silence or that unutterable dignity to be sensed only by those who. have been ”raised” into the contemplation of the Inner Mystery.
An obstacle well-nigh insurmountable is to convince the Mason himself that the secrets of his Craft are worthy of his profound consideration. As St. Paul, so we are told, kicked against the “pricks” of conversion, so the rank and file of present-day Masons strenuously oppose any effort put forth to interpret Masonic symbols in the light of philosophy. They are seemingly obsessed by the fear that from their ritualism may be extracted a meaning more profound than is actually contained therein. For years it has been a mooted question whether Freemasonry is actually a religious organization. “Masonry,” writes Pike, however, in the Legenda for the Nineteenth Degree, “has and always had a religious creed. It teaches what it deems to be the truth in respect to the nature and attributes of God.” The more studiously-minded Mason regards the Craft as an aggregation of thinkers concerned with the deeper mysteries of life. The all-too-prominent younger members of the Fraternity, however, if not openly skeptical, are at least indifferent to these weightier issues. The champions of philosophic Masonry, alas, are a weak, small voice which grows weaker and smaller as time goes by. In fact, there are actual blocs among the Brethren who would divorce Masonry from both philosophy and religion at any and all cost. If, however, we search the writings of eminent Masons ,we find a unanimity of viewpoint: namely, that Masonry is a religious and philosophic body. Every effort initiated to elevate Masonic thought to its true position has thus invariably emphasized the metaphysical and ethical aspects of the Craft.
But a superficial perusal of available documents will demonstrate that the modern Masonic order is not united respecting the true purpose for its own existence. Nor will this factor of doubt be dispelled until the origin of the Craft is established beyond all quibbling. The elements of Masonic history are strangely elusive; there are gaps which apparently cannot be bridged. “Who the early Freemasons really were,” states Gould in A Concise History of Freemasonry, “and whence they came, may afford a tempting theme for inquiry to the speculative antiquary. But it is enveloped in obscurity, and lies far outside the domain of authentic history.” Between modern Freemasonry with its vast body of ancient symbolism and those original Mysteries which first employed these symbols there is a dark interval of centuries. To the conservative Masonic historian, the deductions of such writers as Higgins, Churchward, Vail, and Waite—”though ingenious and fascinating-actually prove nothing. That Masonry is a body of ancient lore is self-evident, but the tangible “link” necessary to convince the recalcitrant Brethren that their order is the direct successor of the pagan Mysteries has unfortunately not been adduced to date. Of such problems as these is composed the “angel” with which the Masonic Jacob must wrestle throughout the night.
It is possible to trace Masonry back a few centuries with comparative ease, but then the thread suddenly vanishes from sight in a maze of secret societies and political enterprises. Dimly silhouetted in the mists that becloud these tangled issues are such figures as Cagliostro, Comte de St.-Germain, and St. Martin, but even the connection between these individuals and the Craft has never been clearly defined. The writings of early Masonic history is involved in such obvious hazard as to provoke the widespread conclusion that further search is futile. The average Masonic student is content, therefore, to trace his Craft back to the workmen’s guilds who chipped and chiselled the cathedrals and public buildings of medieval Europe. While such men as Albert Pike have realized this attitude to be ridiculous, it is one thing to declare it insufficient and quite another to prove the fallacy to an adamantine mind. So much has been lot and forgotten, so much ruled in and out by those unfitted for such legislative revision that the modern rituals do not in every case represent the original rites of the Craft. In his Symbolism, Pike (who spent a lifetime in the quest for Masonic secrets) declares that few of the original meanings of the symbols are known to the modern order, nearly all the so-called interpretations now given being superficial. Pike confessed that the original meanings of the very symbols he himself was attempting to interpret were irretrievably—”lost; that even such familiar emblems as the apron and the pillars were locked mysteries, whose “keys” had been thrown away by the uninformed. “The initiated,” also writes John Fellows, “as well as those without the pale of the order, are equally ignorant of their derivation and import. (See The Mysteries of Freemasonry.)
Preston, Gould, Mackey, Oliver, and Pike—”in fact, nearly every great historian of Freemasonry-have all admitted the possibility of the modern society being connected, indirectly at least, with the ancient Mysteries, and their descriptions of the modern society are prefaced by excerpts from ancient writings descriptive of primitive ceremonials. These eminent Masonic scholars have all recognized in the legend of Hiram Abiff an adaptation of the Osiris myth; nor do they deny that the major part of the symbolism of the craft is derived from the pagan institutions of antiquity when the gods were venerated in secret places with strange figures and appropriate rituals. Though cognizant of the exalted origin of their order, these historians-either through fear or uncertainty-have failed, however, to drive home the one point necessary to establish the true purpose of Freemasonry: They did not realize that the Mysteries whose rituals Freemasonry perpetuates were the custodians of a secret philosophy of life of such transcendent nature that it can only be entrusted to an individual tested and proved beyond all peradventure of human frailty. The secret schools of Greece and Egypt were neither fraternal nor political fundamentally, nor were their ideals similar to those of the modern Craft. They were essentially philosophic and religious institutions, and all admitted into them were consecrated to the service of the sovereign good. Modern Freemasons, however, regard their Craft primarily as neither philosophic nor religious, but rather as ethical. Strange as it may seem, the majority openly ridicule the very supernatural powers and agencies for which their symbols stand.
The secret doctrine that flows through Freemasonic symbols (and to whose perpetuation the invisible Masonic body is consecrated) has its source in three ancient and exalted orders. The first is the Dionysiac artificers, the second the Roman collegia, and the third the Arabian Rosicrucians. The Dionysians were the master builders of the ancient world. Originally founded to design and erect the theaters of Dionysos wherein were enacted the tragic dramas of the rituals, this order was repeatedly elevated by popular acclaim to greater dignity until at last it was entrusted with the planning and construction of all public edifices concerned with the commonwealth or the worship of the gods and heroes. Hiram, King of Tyre, was the patron of the Dionysians, who flourished in Tyre and Sidon, and Hiram Abiff (if we may believe the sacred account) was himself a Grand Master of this most noble order of pagan builders. King Solomon in his wisdom accepted the services of this famous craftsman, and thus at the instigation of Hiram, King of Tyre, Hiram Abiff, though himself a member of a different faith, journeyed from his own country to design and supervise the erection of the Everlasting House to the true God on Mount Moriah. The tools of the builders’ craft were first employed by the Dionysians as symbols under which to conceal the mysteries of the soul and the secrets of human regeneration. The Dionysians also first likened man to a rough ashlar which, trued into a finished block through the instrument of reason, could be fitted into the structure of that living and eternal Temple built without the sound of hammer, the voice of workmen or any tool of contention.
The Roman collegia was a branch of the Dionysiacs and to it belonged those initiated artisans who fashioned the impressive monuments whose ruins still lend their immortal glory to the Eternal City. In his Ten Books on Architecture, Vitruvius, the initiate of the collegia, has revealed that which was permissible concerning the secrets of his holy order. Of the inner mysteries, however, he could not write, for these were reserved for such as had donned the leather apron of the craft. In his consideration of the books now available concerning the Mysteries, the thoughtful reader should note the following words appearing in a twelfth-century volume entitled Artephil Liber Secretus: “Is not this an art full of secrets? And believest thou, O fool! that we plainly teach this Secret of Secrets, taking our words according to their literal interpretation?” (See Sephar H’ Debarim.) Into the stones they trued, the adepts of the collegia deeply carved their Gnostic symbols. From earliest times, the initiated stonecutters marked their perfected works with the secret emblems of their crafts and degrees that unborn generations might realize that the master builders of the first ages also labored for the same ends sought by men today.
The Mysteries of Egypt and Persia that had found a haven in the Arabian desert reached Europe by way of the Knights Templars and the Rosicrucians. The Temple of the Rose Cross at Damascus had preserved the secret philosophy of Sharon’s Rose; the Druses of the Lebanon still retain the mysticism of ancient Syria; and the dervishes, as they lean on their carved and crotched sticks, still meditate upon the secret instruction perpetuated from the days of the four Caliphs. From the far places of Irak and the hidden retreats of the Sufi mystics, the Ancient Wisdom thus found its way into Europe. Was Jacques de Molay burned by the Holy Inquisition merely because he wore the red cross of the Templar? What were those secrets to which he was true even in death? Did his companion Knights perish with him merely because they had amassed a fortune and exercised an unusual degree of temporal power? To the thoughtless, these may constitute ample grounds, but to those who can pierce the film of the specious and the superficial, they are assuredly insufficient. It was not the physical power of the Templars but the knowledge which they had brought with them from the East that the church feared. The Templars had discovered part of the Great Arcanum; they had become wise in those mysteries which had been celebrated in Mecca thousands of years before theadvent of Mohammed; they had read a few pages from the dread book of the Anthropos, and for this knowledge they were doomed to die. What was the black magic of which the Templars were accused? What was Baphomet, the Goat of Mendes, whose mysteries they were declared to have celebrated? All these are questions worthy of the thoughtful consideration of every studious Mason.
Truth is eternal. The so-called revelations of Truth that come in different religions are actually but a re-emphasis of an ever-existing doctrine. Thus Moses did not originate a new religion for Israel; he simply adapted the Mysteries of Egypt to the needs of Israel. The ark triumphantly borne by the twelve tribes through the wilderness was copied after the Isiac ark which may still be traced in faint has-relief upon the ruins of the Temple of Philae. Even the two brooding cherubim over the mercy seat are visible in the Egyptian·carving, furnishing indubitable evidence that the secret doctrine of Egypt was the prototype of Israel’s mystery religion. In his reformation of Indian philosophy, Buddha likewise did not reject the esotericism of the Brahmins, but rather adapted this esotericism to the needs of the masses in India. The mystic secrets locked within the holy Vedas were thus disclosed in order that all men, irrespective of castely distinction, might partake of wisdom and share in a common heritage of good. Jesus was a Rabbin of the Jews, a teacher of the Holy Law, who discoursed in the synagogue, interpreting the Torah according to the teachings of His sect. He brought no new message nor were His reformations radical. He merely tore away the veil from the temple in order that not only Pharisee and Sadducee but also publican and sinner might together behold the glory of an ageless faith.
In his cavern on Mount Hira, Mohammed prayed not for new truths but for old truths to be restated in their original purity and simplicity in order that men might understand again that primitive religion: God’s clear revelation to the first patriarchs. The Mysteries of Islam had been celebrated in the great black cube of the Caaba centuries before the holy pilgrimage. The Prophet was but the reformer of a decadent pagandom, the smasher of idols, the purifier of defiled Mysteries. The dervishes, who patterned their garments·after those of the Prophet, still preserve that inner teaching of the elect, and for them the Axis of the Earth —”the supreme hierophant-still sits, visible only to the faithful, in meditation upon the flat roof of the Caaba. Neither carpenter nor camel-driver, as Abdul Baha might have said, can fashion a world religion from the substances of his own mind. Neither prophet nor savior preached a doctrine which was his own, but in language suitable to his time and race retold that Ancient Wisdom preserved within the Mysteries since the dawning of human consciousness. So with the Masonic Mysteries of today. Each Mason has at hand those lofty principles of universal order upon whose certainties the faiths of mankind. have ever been established. Each Mason has at hand those lofty principles of universal order upon pregnant with life and hope to those millions who wander in the darkness of unenlightenment.
Father C. R. C., the Master of the Rose Cross, was initiated into the Great Work at Damcar. Later at Fez, further information was given him relating to the sorcery of the Arabians. From these wizards of the desert C. R. C. also secured the sacred book M, which is declared to have contained the accumulated knowledge of the world. This volume was translated into Latin by C. R. C. for the edification of his order, but only the initiates know the present hidden repository of the Rosicrucian manuscripts, charters, and manifestos. From the Arabians C. R. C. also learned of the elemental peoples and how, with their aid, it was possible to gain admission to the ethereal world where dwelt the genii and Nature spirits. C.R.C. thus discovered that the magical creatures of the Arabian Nights Entertainment actually existed, though invisible to the ordinary mortal. From astrologers living in the desert far from the concourse of the market-place he was further instructed concerning the mysteries of the stars, the virtues resident in the astral light, the rituals of magic and invocation, the preparation of therapeutic talismans, and the binding of the genii. C. R. C. became an adept n the gathering of medicinal herbs, the transmutation of metals, and the manufacture of precious gems by artificial means. Even the secret of the Elixir of Life and the Universal Panacea were communicated to him. Enriched thus beyond the dreams of Croesus, the Holy Master returned to Europe and there established a House of Wisdom which he called Domus Sancti Spiritus. This house he enveloped in clouds, it is said, so that men could not discover it. What are these “clouds,” however, but the rituals and symbols under which is concealed the Great Arcanum-that unspeakable mystery which every true Mason must seek if he would become in reality a “Prince of the Royal Secret”?
Paracelsus, the Swiss Hermes, was initiated into the secrets of alchemy in Constantinople and there beheld the consummation of the magnum opus. He is consequently entitled to be mentioned among those initiated by the Arabians into the Rosicrucian work. Cagliostro was also initiated by the Arabians and, because of the knowledge he had thus secured, incurred the displeasure of the Holy See. From the unprobed depths of Arabian Rosicrucianism also issued the illustrious Comte de St.-Germain, over whose Masonic activities to this day hangs the veil of impenetrable mystery. The exalted body of initiates whom he represented, as well as the mission he came to accomplish, have both been concealed from the members of the Craft at large and are apparent only to those few discerning Masons who sense the supernal philosophic destiny of their Fraternity.
The modern Masonic order can be traced back to a period in European history famous for its intrigue both political and sociological. Between the years 1600 and 1800, mysterious agents moved across the face of the Continent. The forerunner of modern thought was beginning to make its appearance and all Europe was passing through the throes of internal dissension and reconstruction. Democracy was in its infancy, yet its potential power was already being felt. Thrones were beginning to totter. The aristocracy of Europe was like the old man on Sinbad’s back: it was becoming more unbearable with every passing day. Although upon the surface national governments were seemingly able to cope with the situation, there was a definite undercurrent of impending change; and out of the masses, long patient under the yoke of oppression, were rising up the champions of religious, philosophic, and political liberty. These led the factions of the dissatisfied: people with legitimate grievances against the intolerance of the church and the oppression of the crown. Out of this struggle for expression materialized certain definite ideals, the same which have now come to be considered peculiarly Masonic.
The divine prerogatives of humanity were being crushed out by the three great powers of ignorance, superstition, and fear—”ignorance, the power of the mob; fear, the power of the despot; and superstition, the power of the church. Between the thinker and personal liberty loomed the three “ruffians” or personifications of impediment-the torch, the crown, and the tiara. Brute force, kingly power, and ecclesiastical persuasion became the agents of a great oppression, the motive of a deep unrest, the deterrent to all progress. It was unlawful to think, well-nigh fatal to philosophize, rank heresy to doubt. To question the infallibility of the existing order was to invite the persecution of the church and the state. These together incited the populace, which thereupon played the r6le of executioner for these arch-enemies of human liberty. Thus the ideal of democracy assumed a definite form during these stormy periods of European history. This democracy was not only a vision but a retrospection, not only a looking forward but a gazing backward upon better days and the effort to project those better days into the unborn tomorrow. The ethical, political, and philosophical institutions of antiquity with their constructive effect upon the whole structure of the state were noble examples of possible conditions. It became the dream of the oppressed, consequently, to re-establish a golden age upon the earth, an age where the thinker could think in safety and the dreamer dream in peace; when the wise should lead and the simple follow, yet all dwell together in fraternity and industry.
During this period several books were in circulation which, to a certain degree, registered the pulse of the time. One of these documents—”More’s Utopia—”was the picture of a new age when heavenly conditions should prevail upon the earth. This ideal of establishing good in the world savored of blasphemy, however, for in that day heaven alone it was assumed could be good. Men did not seek to establish heavenly conditions upon earth, but rather earthly conditions in heaven. According to popular concept, the more the individual suffered the torments of the damned upon earth, the more he would enjoy the blessedness of heaven. Life was a period of chastisement and earthly happiness an unattainable mirage. More’s Utopia thus came as a definite blow to autocratic pretensions and attitudes, giving impulse to the material emphasis which was to follow in succeeding centuries.
Another prominent figure of this period was Sir Walter Raleigh, who paid with his life for high treason against the crown. Raleigh was tried and, though the charge was never proved, was executed. Before Raleigh went to trial, it was known that he must die and that no defense could save him. His treason against the crown was of a character very different, however, from that which history records. Raleigh was a member of a secret society or body of men who were already moving irresistibly forward under the banner of democracy, and for that affiliation he died a felon’s death. The actual reason for Raleigh’s death sentence was his refusal to reveal the identity either of that great political organization of which he was a member or his confreres who were fighting the dogma of faith and the divine right of kings. On the title page of the first edition of Raleigh’s History of the World, we accordingly find a mass of intricate emblems framed between two great columns. When the executioner sealed his lips forever, Raleigh’s silence, while it added to the discomfiture of his persecutors, assured the safety of his colleagues.
One of the truly great minds of that secret fraternity—”in fact, the moving spirit of the whole enterprise-was Sir Francis Bacon, whose prophecy of the coming age forms the theme of his New Atlantis and whose vision of the reformation of knowledge finds expression in the Novum Organum Scientiarum, the new organ of science or thought. In the engraving at the beginning of the latter volume may be seen the little ship of progressivism sailing out between the Pillars of Galen and Avicenna, venturing forth beyond the imaginary pillars of church and state upon the unknown sea of human liberty. It is significant that Bacon was appointed by the British Crown to protect its interests in the new American Colonies beyond the sea. We find him writing of this new land, dreaming of the day when a new world and a new government of the philosophic elect should be established there, and scheming to consummate that end when the time should be ripe. Upon the title page of the 1640 edition of Bacon’s Advancement of Learning is a Latin motto to the effect that he was the third great mind since Plato. Bacon was a member of the same group to which Sir Walter Raleigh belonged, but Bacon’s position as Lord High Chancellor protected him from Raleigh’s fate. Every effort was made, however, to humiliate and discredit him. At last, in the sixty-sixth year of his life, having completed the work which held him in England, Bacon feigned death and passed over into Germany, there to guide the destinies of his philosophic and political fraternity for nearly twenty-five years before his actual demise.
Other notable characters of the period are Montaigne, Ben Jonson, Marlowe, and the great Franz Joseph of Transylvania—”the latter one of the most important as well as active figures in all this drama, a man who ceased fighting Austria to retire into a monastery in Transylvania from which to direct the activities of his secret society. One political upheaval followed another, the grand climax of this political unrest culminating in the French Revolution, which was directly precipitated by the attacks upon the person of Alessandro Cagliostro. The “divine” Cagliostro, by far the most picturesque character of the time, has the distinction of being more maligned than any other person of history. Tried by the Inquisition for founding a Masonic lodge in the city of Rome, Cagliostro was sentenced to die, a sentence later commuted by the Pope to life imprisonment in the old castle of San Leo. Shortly after his incarceration, Cagliostro disappeared and the story was circulated that he had been strangled in an attempt to escape from prison. In reality, however, he was liberated and returned to his Masters in the East. But Cagliostro—”the idol of France, surnamed “the Father of the Poor,” who never received anything from anyone and gave everything to everyone—”was most adequately revenged. Though the people little understood this inexhaustible pitcher of bounty which poured forth benefits and never required replenishment, they remembered him in the day of their power.
Cagliostro founded the Egyptian Rite of Freemasonry, which received into its mysteries many of the French nobility and was regarded favorably by the most learned minds of Europe. Having established the Egyptian Rite, Cagliostro declared himself to be an agent of the order of the Knights Templars and to have received initiation from them on the Isle of Malta. (See Morals and Dogma, in which Albert Pike quotes Eliphas Levi on Cagliostro’s affiliation with the Templars.) Called upon the carpet by the Supreme Council of France, it was demanded of Cagliostro that he prove by what authority he had founded a Masonic lodge in Paris independent of the Grand Orient. Of such surpassing mentality was Cagliostro that the Supreme Council found it difficult to secure an advocate qualified to discuss with Cagliostro philosophic Masonry and the ancient Mysteries he claimed to represent. The Court de Gebelin—”the greatest Egyptologist of his day and an authority on ancient philosophies-was chosen as the outstanding scholar. A time was set and the Brethren convened. Attired in an Oriental coat and a pair of violet-colored breeches, Cagliostro was haled before this council of his peers. The Court de Gebelin asked three questions and then sat down, admitting himself disqualified to interrogate a man so much his superior in every branch of learning. Cagliostro then took the floor, revealing to the assembled Masons not only his personal qualifications, but prophesying the future of France. He foretold the fall of the French throne, the Reign of Terror, and the fall of the Bastille. At a later time he revealed the dates of the death of Marie Antoinette and the King, and also the advent of Napoleon. Having finished his address, Cagliostro made a spectacular exit, leaving the French Masonic lodge in consternation and utterly incapable of coping with the profundity of his reasoning. Though no longer regarded as a ritual in Freemasonry, the Egyptian Rite is available and all who read it will recognize its author to have been no more a charlatan than was Plato.
Then appears that charming “first American gentleman,” Dr. Benjamin Franklin, who together with the Marquis de Lafayette, played an important role in this drama of empires. While in France, Dr. Franklin was privileged to receive definite esoteric instruction. It is noteworthy that Franklin was the first in America to reprint Anderson’s Constitutions of the Free-Masons, which is a most prized work on the subject, though its accuracy is disputed. Through all this stormy period, these impressive figures come and go, part of a definite organization of political and religious thought—”a functioning body of philosophers represented in Spain by no less an individual than Cervantes, in France by Cagliostro and St.-Germain, in Germany by Gichtel and Andreae, in England by Bacon, More, and Raleigh, and in America by Washington and Franklin. Coincident with the Baconian agitation in England, the Fama Fraternitatis and Confessio Fraternitatis appeared in Germany, both of these works being contributions to the establishment of a philosophic government upon the earth. One of the outstanding links between the Rosicrucian Mysteries of the Middle Ages and modern Masonry is Elias Ashmole, the historian of the Order of the Garter and the first Englishman to compile the alchemical writings of the English chemists.
The foregoing may seem to be a useless recital of inanities, but its purpose is to impress upon the reader’s mind the philosophical and political situation in Europe at the time of the inception of the Masonic order. A philosophic clan, as it were, which had moved across the face of Europe under such names as the “Illuminati” and the “Rosicrucians,” had undermined in a subtle manner the entire structure of regal and sacerdotal supremacy. The founders of Freemasonry were all men who were more or less identified with the progressive tendencies of their day. Mystics, philosophers, and alchemists were all bound together with a secret tie and dedicated to the emancipation of humanity from ignorance and oppression. In my researches among ancient books and manuscripts, I have pieced together a little story of probabilities which has a direct bearing upon the subject. Long before the establishment of Freemasonry as a fraternity, a group of mystics founded in Europe what was called the “Society of Unknown Philosophers.” Prominent among the profound thinkers who formed the membership of this society were the alchemists, who were engaged in transmuting the political and religious “base metal” of Europe into ethical and spiritual “gold”; the Qabbalists who, as investigators of the superior orders of Nature, sought to discover a stable foundation for human government; and lastly the astrologers who, from a study of the procession of the heavenly bodies, hoped to find therein the rational archetype for all mundane procedure. Here and there is to be found a character who contacted this society. By some it is believed that both Martin Luther and also that great mystic, Philip Melanchthon, were connected with it. The first edition of the King James Bible, Bible, which was edited by Francis Bacon and prepared under Masonic supervision, bears more Mason’s marks than the Cathedral of Strasburg. The same is true respecting the Masonic symbolism found in the first English edition of Josephus’ History of the Jews.
For some time, the Society of Unknown Philosophers moved extraneous to the church. Among the fathers of the church, however, were a great number of scholarly and intelligent men who were keenly interested in philosophy and ethics, prominent among them being the Jesuit Father, Athanasius Kircher, who is recognized as one of the great scholars of his day. Both a Rosicrucian and also a member of the Society of Unknown Philosophers, as revealed by the cryptograms in his writings, Kircher was in harmony with this program of philosophic reconstruction. Since learning was largely limited to churchmen, this body of philosophers soon developed an overwhelming preponderance of ecclesiastics in its membership. The original anti-ecclesiastical ideals of the society were thus speedily reduced to an innocuous state and the organization gradually converted into an actual auxiliary of the church. A small portion of the membership, however, ever maintained an aloofness from the literati of the faith, for it represented an unorthodox class—”the alchemists, Rosicrucians, Qabbalists, and magicians. This latter group accordingly retired from the outer body of the society that had thus come to be known as the “Order of the Golden and Rose Cross” and whose adepts were elevated to the dignity of Knights of the Golden Stone. Upon the withdrawal of these initiated adepts, a powerful clerical body remained which possessed considerable of the ancient lore but in many instances lacked the “keys” by which this symbolism could be interpreted. As this body continued to increase in temporal power, its philosophical power grew correspondingly less.
The smaller group of adepts that had withdrawn from the order remained inactive apparently, having retired to what they termed the “House of the Holy Spirit,” where they were enveloped by certain “mists” impenetrable to the eyes of the profane. Among these reclusive adepts must be included such well-known Rosicrucians as Robert Fludd, Eugenius Philalethes, John Heydon, Michael Maier, and Henri Khunrath. These adepts in their retirement constituted a loosely organized society which, though lacking the solidarity of a definite fraternity, occasionally initiated a candidate and met annually at a specified place. It was the Comte de Chazal, an initiate of this order, who “raised” Dr. Sigismund Bacstrom while the latter was on the Isle of Mauritius. In due time, the original members of the order passed on, after first entrusting their secrets to carefully chosen successors. In the meantime, a group of men in England, under the leadership of such mystics as Ashmole and Fludd, had resolved upon repopularizing the ancient learning and reclassifying philosophy in accordance with Bacon’s plan for a world encyclopedia. These men had undertaken to reconstruct ancient Platonic and Gnostic mysticism, but were unable to attain their objective for lack of information. Elias Ashmole may have been a member of the European order of Rosicrucians and as such evidently knew that in various parts of Europe there were isolated individuals who were in possession of the secret doctrine handed down in unbroken line from the ancient Greeks and Egyptians through Boetius, the early Christian Church, and the Arabians.
The efforts of the English group to contact such individuals were evidently successful. Several initiated Rosicrucians were brought from the mainland to England, where they remained for a considerable time designing the symbolism of Freemasonry and incorporating into the rituals of the order the same divine principles and philosophy that had formed the inner doctrine of all great secret societies from the time of the Eleusinia in Greece. In fact, the Eleusinian Mysteries themselves continued in Christendom until the sixth century after Christ, after which they passed into the custody of the Arabians, as attested by the presence of Masonic symbols and figures upon early Mohammedan monuments. The adepts brought over from the Continent to sit in council with the English philosophers were initiates of the Arabian rites and thus through them the Mysteries were ultimately returned to Christendom. Upon completion of the by-laws of the new fraternity, the initiates retired again into Central Europe, leaving a group of disciples to develop the outer organization, which was to function as a sort of screen to conceal the activities of the esoteric order.
Such, in brief, is the story to be pieced together from the fragmentary bits of evidence available. The whole structure of Freemasonry is founded upon the activities of this secret society of Central European adepts; whom the studious Mason will find to be the definite “link” between the modern Craft and the Ancient Wisdom. The outer body of Masonic philosophy was merely the veil of this qabbalistic order whose members were the custodians of the true Arcanum. Does this inner and secret brotherhood of initiates still exist independent of the Freemasonic order? Evidence points to the fact that it does, for these august adepts are the actual preservers of those secret operative processes of the Greeks whereby the illumination and completion of the individual is effected. They are the veritable guardians of the “Lost Word”—”the Keepers of the inner Mystery-and the Mason who searches for and discovers them is rewarded beyond all mortal estimation.

G

1. Bananas In Pyjamas: The Movie (director: undisclosed)
2. College Road Trip (Director: Roger Kumble)
3. Fly Me To The Moon (3D) (Director: Ben Strassen)
4. Forever Plaid (Director: Stuart Ross)
5. High School Musical 3: Senior Year (Director: Kenny Ortega)
6. Horton Hears A Who! (Directors: Jimmy Hayward + Steve Martino)
7. Kit Kittredge: An American Girl (Director: Patricia Rozema)
8. Labou (Director: Greg Aronowitz)
9. Ponyo (Director: Hayao Miyazaki)
10. Space Chimps (Director: Kirk De Micco)
11. The Flight Before Christmas (Directors: Michael Hegner + Kari Juusonen)
12. The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie (Director: Mike Nawrocki)
13. The Tale Of Despereaux (Directors: Sam Fell + Robert Stevenhagen)
14. Touch (Director: Spurgeon James)
15. WALL*E (Director: Andrew Stanton)

PG

1. A Single Woman (Director: Kamala Lopez)
2. ASRM: The Show (Directors: Ryan Konig + Sean Konig)
3. Ace Of Hearts (Director: David Mackay)
4. Agent Crush (Director: Sean Robinson)
5. Akasha Gopuram (Director: K.P. Kumaran)
6. All Roads Lead Home (Director: Dennis Fallon)
7. Babine (Director: Luc Picard)
8. Baggage (Director: Stephen Polk)
9. Beau Jest (Director: James Sherman)
10. Bedtime Stories (Director: Adam Shankman)
11. Beverly Hills Chihuahua (Director: Raja Gosnell)
12. Bhool (Director: Mansoor Ahmed)
13. Billy: The Early Years (Director: Robby Benson)
14. Bolt (Directors: Byron Howard + Chris Williams)
15. CJ7 (Director: Stephen Chow)
16. Catch Your Mind (Director: Swamy M. Kandan)
17. Champions (Director: Siu Ming Tsui)
18. City Of Ember (Director: Gil Kenan
19. Color Of The Cross II: The Resurrection (Director: Jean-Claude La Marre)
20. Cop Dog (Director: John Murlowski)
21. Cuando volveras (Director: Emilio Vega)
22. Dean Spanley (My Talks With Dean Spanley) (Director: Toa Fraser)
23. Delgo (Director: Marc F. Adler + Jason Maurer)
24. Disco ormene (Director: Thomas Borch Nielsen)
25. Dog Gone (Director: Mark Stouffer)
26. Dragon Hunters (Directors: Guillaume Ivernel + Arthur Qwak)
27. Emma Smith: My Story (Directors: Gary Cook + T.C. Christensen)
28. Faded Memories (Director: Anne-Sophie Dutoit)
29. Fast Girl (Director: Daniel Zirilli)
30. Finn On The Fly (Director: Mark Jean)
31. Fireproof (Director: Alex Kendrick)
32. Free Style (Director: William Dear)
33. Henry Poole Is Here (Director: Mark Pellington)
34. Hope + Redemption: The Lena Baker Story (Director: Ralph Wilcox)
35. Igor (Director: Tony Leondis)
36. Inkheart (Director: Iain Softley)
37. Jake’s Corner (Director: Jeff Santo)
38. Journey To The Center Of The Earth (Director: Eric Brevig)
39. Kings Of The Evening (Director: Andrew P. Jones)
40. Kung Fu Panda (Directors: Mark Osborne + John Stevenson)
41. Lovely, Still (Director: Nicholas Fackler)
42. Madagascar: Escape II Africa (Directors: Eric Darnell + Tom McGrath)
43. Marley + Me (Director: David Frankel)
44. Me + You, Us, Forever (Director: Dave Christiano)
45. Meet Dave (Director: Brian Robbins)
46. Mia + The Migoo (Director: Jacques-Rémy Girerd)
47. Nim’s Island (Directors: Jennifer Flackett + Mark Levin)
48. Prayer Life (Director: Frank E Jackson, Jr.)
49. Proud American (Director: Fred Ashman)
50. Roadside Romeo (Director: Jugal Hansraj)
51. Short Track (Director: Marie Hopkins)
52. Soccer Mom (Director: Gregory McClatchy)
53. Speed Racer (Directors: Lana Wachowski + Lilly Wachowski)
54. Spirit Of The Forest (Director: David Rubin)
55. Spy School (Director: Mark Blutman)
56. Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Director: Dave Filoni)
57. Stone Of Destiny (Director: Charles Martin Smith)
58. The Adventures Of Food Boy (Director: Dane Cannon)
59. The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian (Director: Andrew Adamson)
60. The Errand Of Angels (Director: Christian Vuissa)
61. The Express (Director: Gary Fleder)
62. The Golden Boys (Director: Daniel Adams)
63. The Great Buck Howard (Director: Sean McGinly)
64. The Green Room (Director: David Baker)
65. The Longshots (Director: Fred Durst)
66. The Missing Lynx (Directors: Raul Garcia + Manuel Sicilia)
67. The Necessities Of Life (Director: Benoit Pilon)
68. The Pop Corn Movie (Director: Panagiotis Kountouras)
69. The Price (Director: Ric La Monte)
70. The Ramen Girl (Director: Robert Allan Ackerman)
71. The Secret Of Moonacre (Director: Gabor Csupo)
72. The Secrets Of Jonathan Sperry (Director: Rich Christiano)
73. The Song Of Sparrows (Director: Majid Majidi)
74. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Director: Mark Waters)
75. Thomas Kinkade's Christmas Cottage (Director: Michael Campus)
76. Unstable Fables: 3 Pigs + A Baby (Directors: Howard E. Baker + Arish Fyzee)
77. Yesterday Was A Lie (Director: James Kerwin)

PG-13

1. $5 A Day (Director: Nigel Cole)
2. $9.99 (Director: Tatia Rosenthal)
3. 10,000 B.C. (Director: Roland Emmerich)
4. 21 (Director: Robert Luketic)
5. 27 Dresses (Director: Anne Fletcher)
6. 305 (Directors: Daniel Holechek + David Holechek)
7. A Simple Promise (Director: Earnest Harris)
8. Adventures Of Power (Director: Ari Gold)
9. After School (Directors: Walter Powell + Cliff Reed)
10. American Style (Director: George Anton)
11. American Violet (Director: Tim Disney)
12. An American Carol (Director: David Zucker)
13. An American I China (Director: Ron Berrett)
14. Angus, Thongs + Perfect Snogging (Director: Gurinder Chadha)
15. Australia (Director: Baz Luhrmann)
16. Baby Mama (Director: Michael McCullers)
17. Babylon A.D. (Director: Mathieu Kassovitz)
18. Bar Starz (Director: Michael Pietrzak)
19. Be Kind Rewind (Director: Michel Gondry)
20. Beer For My Horses (Director: Michael Salomon)
21. Behind The Wall (Director: Paul Schneider)
22. Beyond The Ring (Director: Gerson Sanginitto)
23. Bottle Shock (Director: Randall Miller)
24. Brideshead Revisited (Director: Julian Jarrold)
25. Bury The Gold, Eli (Director: Mickey Reece)
26. Camille (Director: Gregory Mackenzie)
27. Capers (Director: Julian M. Kheel)
28. Casi Divas (Director: Issa López)
29. Center Stage: Turn It Up (Director: Steven Jacobson)
30. Chaos Theory (Director: Marcos Siega)
31. Chrysalis (Director: Tony Baez Milan)
32. Cloverfield (Director: Matt Reeves)
33. Come Hell Or Highwater (Director: Todd E. Freeman)
34. Conjurer (Director: Clint Hutchison)
35. Crossroads (Director: Joven Tan)
36. Cuttin Da Mustard (Director: Reed R. McCants)
37. Deal (Director: Gil Cates, Jr.)
38. Deep Winter (Director: Mikey Hilb)
39. Definitely, Maybe (Director: Adam Brooks)
40. Departures (Director: Yôjirô Takita)
41. Disaster Movie (Director: Jason Friedberg + Aaron Seltzer)
42. Divine Unrest (Director: David Dietrich)
43. Doubt (Director: John Patrick Shanley)
44. Dough Boys (Director: Louis Lombardi)
45. Dracula’s Guest (Director: Michael Feifer)
46. Dreaming In Color (Director: James Bland)
47. Drillbit Taylor (Director: Steven Brill)
48. Eagle Eye (Director: D.J. Caruso)
49. Easy Virtue (Director: Stephan Elliott)
50. Familiar Strangers (Director: Zackary Adler)
51. First Sunday (Director: David E. Talbert)
52. Flash Of Genius (Director: Marc Abraham)
53. Fool’s Gold (Director: Andy Tenant)
54. Forever Strong (Director: Ryan Little)
55. Four Christmases (Director: Seth Gordon)
56. Get Smart (Director: Peter Segal)
57. Ghost Town (Director: David Koepp)
58. Goat Story (Director: Jan Tománek)
59. Going Great White (Directors: Frank G. Caruso + Frank X. Sommers)
60. Hancock (Director: Peter Berg)
61. Harold (Director: T. Sean Shannon)
62. Hellboy II: The Golden Army (Director: Guillermo del Toro)
63. Hey Hey It’s Esther Blueburger (Director: Cathy Randall)
64. Home (Director: Mary Haverstick)
65. HottieBoombaLottie (Director: Seth Packard)
66. I Can’t Think Straight (Director: Shamim Sarif)
67. I’ve Loved You So Long (Director: Philippe Claudel)
68. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Director: Steven Spielberg)
69. Iron Man (Director: Jon Favreau)
70. Is Anybody There? (Director: John Crowley)
71. Jack + Jill vs. The World (Director: Vanessa Parise)
72. Jackie Chan presents “Wushu” (Director: Antony Szeto)
73. Jada (Director: Robert A. Johnson)
74. Jumper (Director: Doug Liman)
75. Keith (Director: Todd Kessler)
76. Lakeview Terrace (Director: Neil LaBute)
77. Last Chance Harvey (Director: Joel Hopkins
78. Leatherheads (Director: George Clooney)
79. Mad Money (Director: Callie Khouri)
80. Made Of Honor (Director: Paul Weiland)
81. Make It Happen (Director: Darren Grant)
82. Mamma Mia! (Director: Phyllida Lloyd)
83. Max Payne (Director: John Moore)
84. Me + Orson Welles (Director: Richard Linklater)
85. Meet The Browns (Director: Tyler Perry)
86. Meet The Spartans (Directors: Jason Friedberg + Aaron Seltzer)
87. Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day (Director: Bharat Nalluri)
88. Monkeyshine (Director: Jamie Rae)
89. My Mom’s New Boyfriend (Director: George Gallo)
90. My Sassy Girl (Director: Yann Samuell)
91. Never Back Down (Director: Jeff Wadlow)
92. Nick + Norah’s Infinite Playlist (Director: Peter Sollett)
93. Nights In Rodanthe (Director: George C. Wolfe)
94. No Bad Days (Director: David Murphy)
95. No Brainer (Director: Cookie ‘Chainsaw’ Randolph)
96. Nora’s Hair Salon II (Director: Jill Maxcy)
97. Nothing Like The Holidays (Director: Alfredo Rodriguez de Villa)
98. Ocean Of Pearls (Director: Sarab Neelam)
99. Of Boys + Men (Director: Carl Seaton)
100. One Missed Call (Director: Eric Valette)
101. Over Her Dead Body (Director: Jeff Lowell)
102. Panaah Baroye Zinda Mondan (Director: Sundeep Mohnot)
103. Paris 36 (Director: Christophe Barratier)
104. Passengers (Director: Rodrigo Garcia)
105. Phoebe In Wonderland (Director: Daniel Barnz)
106. Portrait In Sepia Tone (Director: Nancy J. Membrez)
107. Possession (Directors: Joel Bergvall + Simon Sandquist)
108. Pretty In Red (Director: Stella Oliveros)
109. Private Valentine: Blonde + Dangerous (Director: Steve Miner)
110. Prom Night (Director: Nelson McCormick)
111. Quantum Of Solace (Director: Marc Forster)
112. Restos de una Culpa (Director: Antonio de Santos)
113. Saving God (Director: Duane Crichton)
114. Seven Pounds (Director: Gabriele Muccino)
115. Shutter (Director: Masayuki Ochiai)
116. Six Gun (Director: Scott Perry)
117. Skin (Director: Anthony Fabian)
118. Sleep Dealer (Director: Alex Rivera)
119. Smother (Director: Vince Di Meglio)
120. Solar Flare (Director: Fred Olen Ray)
121. Solstice (Director: Daniel Myrick)
122. Speed + Angels (Director: Peyton Wilson)
123. Step Up II: The Streets (Director: Jon M. Chu)
124. Suitable For Murder (Director: Fred P. Watkins)
125. Superhero Movie (Director: Craig Mazin)
126. Sweet Tessie + Bags (Director: Deryn Warren)
127. Swing Vote (Director: Joshua Michael Stern)
128. Taken (Director: Pierre Morel)
129. Tall As Trees (Director: Gil Ponce)
130. The Accidental Husband (Director: Griffin Dunne)
131. The Black Balloon (Director: Elissa Down)
132. The Boy In The Striped Pajamas (Director: Mark Herman)
133. The Brothers Bloom (Director: Rian Johnson)
134. The Caller (Director: Richard Ledes)
135. The Class (Director: Laurent Cantet)
136. The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (Director: David Fincher)
137. The Dark Knight (Director: Christopher Nolan)
138. The Day The Earth Stood Still (Director: Scott Derrickson)
139. The Duchess (Director: Saul Dibb)
140. The Eye (Directors: David Moreau + Xavier Palud)
141. The Family That Preys (Director: Tyler Perry)
142. The Flyboys (Director: Rocco DeVilliers)
143. The Forbidden Kingdom (Director: Rob Minkoff)
144. The God Project (Director: Javier Calderon)
145. The Haunting Of Molly Hartley (Director: Mickey Liddell)
146. The Hottie + The Nottie (Director: Tom Putnam)
147. The House Bunny (Director: Fred Wolf)
148. The Incredible Hulk (Director: Louis Leterrier)
149. The Lazarus Project (Director: John Glenn)
150. The Loss Of A Teardrop Diamond (Director: Jodie Markell)
151. The Love Guru (Director: Marco Schnabel)
152. The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor (Director: Rob Cohen)
153. The Other Boleyn Girl (Director: Justin Chadwick)
154. The Other End Of The Line (Director: James Dodson)
155. The Other Side Of The Tracks (Director: A.D. Calvo)
156. The Red Baron (Director: Nikolai Müllerschön)
157. The Resolution (Directors: Petr Hastík + Petr Smelík)
158. The Rocker (Director: Peter Cattaneo)
159. The Secret Life Of Bees (Director: Gina Prince-Bythewood)
160. The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants II (Director: Sanaa Hamri)
161. The Sky Crawlers (Director: Mamoru Oshii)
162. The Sno Cone Stand, Inc. (Director: Travis Knapp)
163. The Spirit (Director: Frank Miller)
164. The Women (Director: Diane English)
165. The X-Files: I Want To Believe (Director: Chris Carter)
166. The Yellow Handkerchief (Director: Udayan Prasad)
167. Tokyo Sonata (Director: Kiyoshi Kurosawa)
168. Touching Home (Directors: Logan Miller + Noah Miller)
169. Toy Room (Director: Jason Wesley Turner)
170. Traitor (Director: Jeffrey Nachmanoff)
171. Transporter III (Director: Olivier Megaton)
172. Twilight (Director: Catherine Hardwicke)
173. Uncross The Stars (Director: Kenny Golde)
174. Undoing Time (Directors: Sheila Brothers + R.R. Gee)
175. Valkyrie (Director: Bryan Singer)
176. Vantage Point (Director: Pete Travis)
177. Vicky Cristina Barcelona (Director: Woody Allen)
178. W. (Director: Oliver Stone)
179. Waiting In Beijing (Director: Alan Zhang)
180. Wake-Up Callz (Director: Scott Kunkle)
181. Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins (Director: Malcolm D. Lee)
182. What Happens In Vegas (Director: Tom Vaughan)
183. Wild Child (Director: Nick Moore)
184. Witless Protection (Director: Charles Robert Carner)
185. Yes Man (Director: Peyton Reed)
186. You Don’t Mess With The Zohan (Director: Dennis Dugan)

R

1. 100 Feet (Director: Eric Red)
2. 13 Hours In A Warehouse (Director: Dav Kaufman)
3. 1968 Tunnel Rats (Director: Uwe Boll)
4. 20 Years After (Director: Jim Torres)
5. 24 cuadros de terror (Director: Christian González)
6. 2:22 (Director: Phillip Guzman)
7. A Bird In The Bush (Director: Michael Fredianelli)
8. A Deal Is A Deal (Director: Jonathan Gershfield)
9. A Good Day To Be Black + Sexy (Director: Dennis Dortch)
10. A Summer In Genoa (Director: Michael Winterbottom)
11. A Trip To Swadades (Director: Daniel Kremer)
12. Able Danger (Director: Dave Herman)
13. Adam Resurrected (Director: Paul Schrader)
14. Adoration (Director: Atom Egoyan)
15. Alien Raiders (Director: Ben Rock)
16. Alive Or Dead (Director: Stephen Goetsch)
17. Allegheny Sunset (Director: Ryan Hathaway)
18. American Crude (Director: Craig Sheffer)
19. American Son (Director: Neil Abramson)
20. AmericanEast (Director: Hesham Issawi)
21. Among Dead Men (Director: James Richards)
22. Amusement (Director: John Simpson)
23. An American Affair (Director: William Olsson)
24. An Empress + The Warriors (Director: Siu-Tung Ching)
25. Animals (Director: Douglas Aarniokoski)
26. Antarctica (Director: Yair Hochner)
27. Anxiety (Director: Greg Stechman)
28. Appaloosa (Director: Ed Harris)
29. Assassination Of A High School President (Director: Brett Simon)
30. Asylum (Director: David R. Ellis)
31. August (Director: Austin Chick)
32. Autopsy (Director: Adam Gierasch)
33. Baby Blues (Director: Dylan Pearce)
34. Babysitter Wanted (Directors: Jonas Barnes + Michael Manasseri)
35. Baghead (Directors: Jay Duplass + Mark Duplass)
36. Bald (Director: Blake Leibel)
37. Ball Don’t Lie (Director: Brin Hill)
38. Banda Girls in Who’s Your Sugar Daddy (Director: Adrian Vallarino)
39. Bangkok Dangerous (Directors Danny Pang + Oxide Chun Pang)
40. Bart Got A Room (Director: Brian Hecker)
41. Basra (Director: Ahmed Rashwan)
42. Bathory: Countess Of Blood (Director: Juraj Jakubisko)
43. Better Luck Yesterday (Director: Dubinski Max)
44. Between Heaven + Hell (Director: Jason Ward)
45. Beyond The Dunwich Horror (Director: Richard Griffin)
46. Birds Of America (Director: Craig Lucas)
47. Black Crescent Moon (Director: Adam Pertofsky)
48. Black Market Love (Director: Peter Jacksen Choi)
49. Blackout (Director: Rigoberto Castañeda)
50. Blindness (Director: Fernando Meirelles)
51. Blood On The Highway (Directors: Barak Epstein + Blair Rowan)
52. Body Of Lies (Director: Ridley Scott)
53. Bodyguard: A New Beginning (Director: Chee Keong Cheung)
54. Border Lost (Directors: David Murphy + Scott Peck)
55. Born Of Earth (Director: Tommy Brunswick)
56. Bride Flight (Director: Ben Sombogaart)
57. Broken Lines (Director: Sallie Aprahamian)
58. Bronson (Director: Nicolas Winding Refn)
59. Burn After Reading (Director: Joel Coen)
60. Cadillac Records (Director: Darnell Martin)
61. Captive (Director: Benjamin A. Mullane)
62. Carnera: The Walking Mountain (Director: Renzo Martinelli)
63. Cat City (Director: Brent Huff)
64. Changeling (Director: Clint Eastwood)
65. Childless (Director: Charlie Levi)
66. Chiles xalapeños (Director: Fabrizio Prada)
67. Chocolate (Director Prachya Pinkaew)
68. Chock (Director: Clark Gregg)
69. Ciao (Director: Yen Tan)
70. Cold Earth (Director: Frank Falco)
71. College (Director: Deb Hagan)
72. Columbus Day (Director: Charles Burmeister)
73. Conspiracy (Director: Adam Marcus)
74. Contract Killers (Director: Justin Rhodes)
75. Control Alt Delete (Director: Cameron Labine)
76. Corporate Affairs (Director: Dan Cohen)
77. Crazy (Director: Rick Bieber)
78. Crazy Girls Undercover (Director: Chris Langman)
79. Credo (Director: Toni Harman)
80. Crime Scene: The Bobby Ray Summers Story (Director: Marc Berlin)
81. Dakota Skye (Director: John Humber)
82. Dance Of The Dead (Director: Gregg Bishop)
83. Dante 01 (Director: Marc Caro)
84. Dark Floors (Director: Pete Riski + Alan Smithee)
85. Dark Reel (Director: Josh Eisenstadt)
86. Dark Reprieve (Director: Richard Boddington)
87. Dark Streets (Director: Rachel Samuels)
88. Dark World (Director: Zia Mojabi)
89. David + Fatima (Director: Alain Zaloum)
90. Dead + Gone (Director: Yossi Sasson)
91. Dead On Site (Director: Scott Kenyon Barker)
92. Deadgirl (Directors: Marcel Sarmiento + Gadi Harel)
93. Death Race (Director: Paul W.S. Anderson)
94. Death Toll (Director: Phenomenon)
95. Death In Love (Director: Boaz Yakin)
96. Death On Demand (Director: Adam Matalon)
97. Deception (Director: Marcel Langenegger)
98. Defiance (Director: Edward Zwick)
99. Desbocados (Director: René Cardona III)
100. Diary Of A Tired Black Man (Director: Tim Alexander)
101. Die Cheerleader Die (Director: Jerry Peterson)
102. Dim Sum Funeral (Director: Anna Chi)
103. Disgrace (Director: Steve Jacobs)
104. Don’t Look Down (Director: Eliseo Subiela)
105. Donkey Punch (Director: Oliver Blackburn)
106. Doomsday (Director: Neil Marshall)
107. Dorothy Mills (Director: Agnès Merlet)
108. Dream Boy (Director: James Bolton)
109. Drifter (Director: Roel Reiné)
110. Dying Breed (Director: Jody Dwyer)
111. Dying God (Director: Fabrice Lambot)
112. Eden Lake (Director: James Watkins)
113. Elegy (Director: Isabel Coixet)
114. Everything Is Fine (Director: Yves Christian Fournier)
115. Evilution (Director: Chris Conlee)
116. Exit Speed (Director: Scott Ziehl)
117. Explicit Ills (Director: Mark Webber)
118. Extra Ordinary Barry (Director: Vivi Stafford)
119. Extreme Movie (Director: Adam Jay Epstein + Andrew Jacobson)
120. Eye For An Eye (Directors: Kwon-tae Ahn + Kyung-taek Kwak)
121. Face Eater (Director: Jarrod Perrott)
122. Fading Of The Cries (Director: Steven Maguire)
123. Falling (Director: Richard Dutcher)
124. Far Cry (Director: Uwe Boll)
125. Farm House (Director: George Bessudo)
126. Fashion Victim (Director: Ben Waller)
127. Fast Track: No Limits (Director Axel Sand)
128. Felon (Director: Ric Roman Waugh)
129. Fifty Dead Men Walking (Director: Kari Skogland)
130. Finding Amanda (Director: Peter Tolan)
131. Fireflies In The Garden (Director: Dennis Lee)
132. Fix (Director: Tao Ruspoli)
133. Flashbacks Of A Fool (Director: Baillie Walsh)
134. Fling (Director: John Stewart Muller)
135. Fog Warning (Director: Christopher Ward)
136. Foreign Exchange (Director: Danny Roth)
137. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Director: Nicholas Stoller)
138. Four Dragons (Director: C.L. Hor)
139. Fragments (Director: Rowan Woods)
140. Franklyn (Director: Gerald McMorrow)
141. Freezer Burn: The Invasion Of Laxdale (Director: Grant Harvey)
142. From Within (Director: Phedon Papamichael)
143. Frost/Nixon (Director: Ron Howard)
144. Frozen River (Director: Courtney Hunt)
145. Gangster’s Paradise: Jerusalema (Director: Ralph Ziman)
146. Gardens Of The Night (Director: Damian Harris)
147. Garrison (Director: Kerry Valderrama)
148. Gigantic (Director: Matt Aselton)
149. Good (Director: Vicente Amorim)
150. Good Dick (Director: Marianna Palka)
151. Goodbye Solo (Director: Ramin Bahrani)
152. Gran Torino (Director: Clint Eastwood)
153. Grizzly Park (Director: Tom Skull)
154. Hamlet 2 (Director: Andrew Fleming)
155. Hank + Mike (Director: Matthiew Klinck)
156. Happy-Go-Lucky (Director: Mike Leigh)
157. Harold + Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay (Directors: Jon Hurwitz + Hayden Schlossberg)
158. Hell Ride (Director: Larry Bishop)
159. Hell-ephone (Director: George Bonilla)
160. Hero Wanted (Director: Brian Smrz)
161. Heroes (Director: Samir Karnik)
162. Hide (Director: K.C. Bascombe)
163. Hold-Up (Director: Michael Mandell)
164. Home Movie (Director: Christopher Denham)
165. House (Director: Robby Henson)
166. House Of Fallen (Director: Robert Stephens)
167. House Of Usher (Director: David DeCoteau)
168. How Firm A Foundation (Director: Mickey Reece)
169. How To Be A Serial Killer (Director: Luke Ricci)
170. How To Lose Friends + Alienate People (Director: Robert B. Weide)
171. Humbolt County (Directors: Darren Gorsky + Danny Jacobs)
172. Ice Blues (Director: Ron Oliver)
173. Ichi (Director: Fumihiko Sori)
174. Impact Point (Director: Hayley Cloake)
175. In Bruges (Director: Martin McDonagh)
176. In Tranzit (Director: Tom Roberts)
177. In + Out Of Planet Earth (Director: Nick Peterson)
178. Incendiary (Director: Sharon Maguire)
179. Insignificant Things (Director: Andrea Martínez Crowther)
180. IP Man (Director: Wilson Yip)
181. It’s Alive (Director: Josef Rusnak)
182. JCVD (Director: Mabrouk El Mechri)
183. Jazz In The Diamond District (Director: Lindsey Christian)
184. Jolene (Director: Dan Ireland)
185. Julia (Director: Eric Zonca)
186. Jump Out Boys (Director: Amir Valinia)
187. Just Add Water (Director: Hart Bochner)
188. Killer Movie (Director: Jeff Fisher)
189. Killer Pad (Director: Robert Englund)
190. Killing Ariel (Directors: Fred Calvert + David J. Negron, Jr.)
191. Killshot (Director: John Madden)
192. Lake City (Directors: Hunter Hill + Perry Moore)
193. Lake Mungo (Director: Joel Anderson)
194. Language Of The Enemy (Director: Mitch Davis)
195. Last Breath (Director: Chase Dudley)
196. Last Exit (Director: Dara Oum)
197. Le Corndog Du Desespoir (Director: Mickey Reece)
198. Legendary Assassin (Directors: Chung Chi Li + Jing Wu)
199. Let The Right One In (Director: Tomas Alfredson)
200. Linewatch (Director: Kevin Bray)
201. Little Ashes (Director: Paul Morrison)
202. Loaded (Director: Alan Pao)
203. Lonely Street (Director: Peter Ettinger)
204. Long Weekend (Director: Jamie Blanks)
205. Looking For Palladin (Director: Andrzej Krakowski)
206. The Silence Of Lorna (Director: Jean-Pierre Dardenne + Luc Dardenne)
207. Love For Sale (Director: Russ Parr)
208. Lower Learning (Director: Mark Lafferty)
209. Lullaby (Director: Darrell Roodt)
210. Lymelife (Director: Derick Martini)
211. Magus (Director: John Lechago)
212. Man Maid (Director: Chris Lusvardi)
213. Management (Director: Stephen Belber)
214. Martyrs (Director: Pascal Laugier)
215. Mesrine Part I: Killer Instinct (Director: Jean-François Richet)
216. Mesrine Part II: Public Enemy #1 (Director: Jean-François Richet)
217. Mexican Gangster (Director: Damian Chapa)
218. Middle Of Nowhere (Director: John Stockwell)
219. Midnight Movie (Director: Jack Messitt)
220. Milk (Director: Gus Van Sant)
221. Mind Morgue (Directors: Mark Daniel Foley + Marc Dube)
222. Miracle At St. Anna (Director: Spike Lee)
223. Mirrors (Director: Alexandre Aja)
224. Miss Conception (Director: Eric Styles)
225. Miss Shellagh’s Miniskirt (Director: Terisa Greenan)
226. Morenita, el escándalo (Director: Alan Jonsson)
227. Muay Thai Giant (Director: Nonthakorn Thaweesuk)
228. Murder Dot Com (Murder.com) (Director: Rex Piano)
229. Mutant Chronicles (Director: Simon Hunter)
230. Mutants (Director: Amir Valinia)
231. My Best Friend’s Girl (Director: Howard Deutch)
232. Máncora (Director: Riccardo de Montreuil)
233. Necessary Evil (Director: Peter J. Eaton)
234. Never Forget (Director: Leo Scherman)
235. New York, I Love You (Directors: Fatih Akin, Yvan Attal, Randall Balsmeyer, Allen Hughes, et. al)
236. Ninja Cheerleaders (Director: David Presley)
237. No Man’s Land: The Rise Of Reeker (Director: Dave Payne)
238. Noah’s Arc: Jumping The Broom (Director: Patrik-Ian Polk)
239. Noble Things (Directors: Dan McMellen + Brett Moses)
240. Nothing But The Truth (Director: Rod Lurie)
241. On The Other Hand, Death (Director: Ron Oliver)
242. On-Bak II (Directors: Tony Jaa + Panna Rittikrai)
243. One, Two, Many (National Lampoon’s) (Director: Michael DeLorenzo)
244. One-Eyed Monster (Director: Adam Fields)
245. Osso Bucco (Directors: Fred Blurton + Gary Taylor)
246. Outlander (Director: Howard McCain)
247. Outpost (Director: Steve Barker)
248. POV: A Sub-Par Production (Director: Debbie Overbey)
249. Pale Blue Balloons (Director: Michael Fredianelli)
250. Paraiso Travel (Director: Simon Brand)
251. Parasomnia (Director: William Malone)
252. Paris (Director: Cédric Klapisch)
253. Passchendaele (Director: Paul Gross)
254. Pathology (Director: Marc Schölermann)
255. Phantom Punch (Director: Robert Townsend)
256. Pig Hunt (Director: James Isaac)
257. Pineapple (Director: Damian Skinner)
258. Pineapple Express (Director: David Gordon Green)
259. Plaguers (Director: Brad Sykes)
260. Player 5150 (Director: David Michael O’Neill)
261. Playing With Fire (Director: David DeCoteau)
262. Portrait Of An American Family (Director: Ray Nicholas Hosack)
263. Pretty Bird (Director: Paul Schneider)
264. Pretty Ugly People (Director: Tate Taylor)
265. Pride + Glory (Director: Gavin O’Connor)
266. PrimalRap (Director: Bron Theron)
267. Prom Wars: Love Is A Battlefield (Director: Phil Price)
268. Punisher: War Zone (Director: Lexi Alexander)
269. Purgatorio (Director: Roberto Rochin)
270. Quarantine (Director: John Erick Dowdle)
271. Quid Pro Quo (Director: Carlos Brooks)
272. Rachel Getting Married (Director: Jonathan Demme)
273. Rain (Director: Maria Govan)
274. Rambo (Director: Sylvester Stallone)
275. Real Time (Director: Randall Cole)
276. Red (Directors: Trygve Allister Diesen + Lucky McKee)
277. Red Canyon (Director: Giovanni Rodriguez)
278. Red Cliff (Director: John Woo)
279. Redbelt (Director: David Mamet)
280. Remarkable Power (Director: Brandon Beckner)
281. Repo! The Genetic Opera (Director: Darren Lynn Bousman)
282. Resident Evil: Degeneration (Director: Makoto Kamiya)
283. Restraint (Director: David Denneen)
284. Revolutionary Road (Director: Sam Mendes)
285. Rigged (Director: Jonathan M. Dillon)
286. Righteous Kill (Director: Jon Avnet)
287. RockNRolla (Director: Guy Ritchie)
288. Role Models (Director: David Wain)
289. Rudo y Cursi (Director: Carlos Cuarón)
290. S.E.A.L. Team VI (Director: Mark C. Andrews)
291. Safehouse (Director: John Poague)
292. Saw V (Director: David Hackl)
293. Say Goodnight (Director: David VonAllmen)
294. Scourge (Director: Jonas Quastel)
295. See Naples...Then Die (Director: Nick Stielstra)
296. Selfless (Director: Jacob Pander)
297. Semi-Pro (Director: Kent Alterman)
298. Senseless (Director: Simon Hynd)
299. Service (Director: Brillante Mendoza)
300. Seventh Moon (Director: Eduardo Sánchez)
301. Sex Drive (Director: Sean Anders)
302. Sex + The City (Director: Michael Patrick King)
303. Sexykiller, morirás por ella (Director: Miguel Martí)
304. Shadowland (Director: Wyatt Weed)
305. Shaniko (Director: Phillip Roebuck)
306. Shark In Venice (Director: Danny Lerner)
307. Shoot First and Pray You Live (Because Luck Has Nothing to Do with It) (Director: Lance Doty)
308. Shuttle (Director: Edward Anderson)
309. Six Reasons Why (Directors: Jeff Campagna + Matthew Campagna)
310. Sleeping With The Fishes (Directors: Peter Defeo + Todd Wolfe)
311. Sleepwalking (Director: Bill Maher)
312. Slumdog Millionaire (Directors: Danny Boyle + Loveleen Tandan)
313. Smart People (Director: Noam Murro)
314. Soul Men (Director: Malcolm D. Lee)
315. Spike (Director: Robert Beaucage)
316. Splinter (Director: Toby Wilkins)
317. Squeal (Director: Tony Swansey)
318. Stag Night (Director: Peter A. Dowling)
319. Starship Troopers III: Marauder (Director: Edward Neumeier)
320. Step Brothers (Director: Adam McKay)
321. Stiletto (Director: Nick Vallelonga)
322. Stop-Loss (Director: Kimberly Peirce)
323. Strange Wilderness (Director: Fred Wolf)
324. Street Kings (Director: David Ayer)
325. Street Racer (Director: Oleg Fesenko)
326. Strictly Sexual (Director: Joel Viertel)
327. Subtle Seduction (Director: Christopher Nolen)
328. Suburban (Director: Marty Lindsey)
329. Sucker Punch (Director: Malcolm Martin)
330. Sugar (Directors: Anna Boden + Ryan Fleck)
331. Sunshine Cleaning (Director: Christine Jeffs)
332. Surfer, Dude (Director: S.R. Bindler)
333. Surveillance (Director: Jennifer Lynch)
334. Surviving Crooked Lake (Directors: Sascha Drews, Ezra Krybus + Matthew Miller)
335. Synecdoche, New York (Director: Charlie Kaufman)
336. Talento de barrio (Director: José Iván Santiago)
337. Tear This Heart Out (Director: Roberto Sneider)
338. Telling Lies (Director: Antara Bhardwaj)
339. Telstar: The Joe Meek Story (Director: Nick Moran)
340. Ten Dead Men (Director: Ross Boyask)
341. Tennessee (Director: Aaron Woodley)
342. Tenure (Director: Mike Million)
343. The 13th Alley (Director: Bobb Hopkins)
344. The Alphabet Killer (Director: Rob Schmidt)
345. The Amazing Truth About Queen Raquela (Director: Olaf de Fleur Johannesson)
346. The Art Of Travel (Director: Thomas Whelan)
347. The Baader Meinhof Complex (Director: Uli Edel)
348. The Bank Job (Director: Roger Donaldson)
349. The Blue Tooth Virgin (Director: Russell Brown)
350. The Broken (Director: Sean Ellis)
351. The Burning Plain (Director: Guillermo Arriaga)
352. The Burrowers (Director: J.T. Petty)
353. The Caretaker (Director: Bryce Olson)
354. The Children (Director: Tom Shankland)
355. The Children Of Huang Shi (Director: Roger Spottiswoode)
356. The City Is Mine (Director: Patrick Pierre)
357. The Coverup (Director: Brian Jun)
358. The Crew (Director: Adrian Vitoria)
359. The Daisy Chain (Director: Aisling Walsh)
360. The Deal (Director: Steven Schachter)
361. The Devil Lives In Hot Springs (Directors: Tony G. + Jimmy Westmorland)
362. The Devil’s Mercy (Director: Melanie Orr)
363. The Echo (Director: Yam Laranas)
364. The Edge Of Love (Director: John Maybury)
365. The Fall (Director: John Krueger)
366. The Fifth Commandment (Director: Jesse V. Johnson)
367. The Garden Of Eden (Director: John Irvin)
368. The Girl From Monaco (Director: Anne Fontaine)
369. The Good, The Bad, The Weird (Director: Jee-woon Kim)
370. The Guitar (Director: Amy Redford)
371. The Happening (Director: M. Night Shyamalan)
372. The Horseman (Director: Steven Kastrissios)
373. The Human Contract (Director: Jada Pinkett Smith)
374. The Hurt Locker (Director: Kathryn Bigelow)
375. The Hustle (Director: Deon Taylor)
376. The Informers (Director: Gregor Jordan)
377. The Kreutzer Sonata (Director: Bernard Rose)
378. The Last International Playboy (Director: Steve Clark)
379. The Last Lullaby (Director: Jeffrey Goodman)
380. The Last Word (Director: Geoffrey Haley)
381. The Legend Of Bloody Mary (Director: John Stecenko)
382. The Lodge (Directors: Brad Helmink + John Rauschelbach)
383. The Lucky Ones (Director: Neil Burger)
384. The Man Who Came Back (Director: Glen Pitre)
385. The Marconi Brothers (Directors: Michael Canzoniero + Marco Ricci)
386. The Merry Gentleman (Director: Michael Keaton)
387. The Midnight Meat Train (Director: Ryûhei Kitamura)
388. The Morgue (Directors: Halder Gomes + Gerson Sanginitto)
389. The Mysteries Of Pittsburgh (Director: Rawson Marshall Thurber)
390. The Narrows (Director: François Velle)
391. The Next Hit (Director: Antwan Smith)
392. The Other Man (Director: Richard Eyre)
393. The Oxford Murders (Director: Álex de la Iglesia)
394. The Poker Club (Director: Tim McCann)
395. The Poker House (Director: Lori Petty)
396. The Promotion (Director: Steve Conrad)
397. The Reader (Director: Stephen Daldry)
398. The Ruins (Director: Carter Smith)
399. The Square (Director: Nash Edgerton)
400. The Stoning Of Soraya M. (Director: Cyrus Nowrasteh)
401. The Strangers (Director: Bryan Bertino)
402. The Sweep (Director: Dale Stelly)
403. The Tender Hook (Director: Jonathan Ogilvie)
404. The Thirst: Blood War (Director: Tom Shell)
405. The Tsunami Warrior (Director: Nonzee Nimibutr)
406. The Village Barbershop (Director: Chris J. Ford)
407. The Wackness (Director: Jonathan Levine)
408. The Window (Director: Carlos Sorin)
409. The Wrestler (Director: Darren Aronofsky)
410. The Year Of Getting To Know Us (Director: Patrick Sisam)
411. This Is Not A Test (Director: Chris Angel)
412. Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon (Director: Daniel Lee)
413. Through The Glass (Director: Stephanie Linus)
414. Time Bomb (Director: Erin Berry)
415. Toxic (Director: Alan Pao)
416. Trailer Park Of Terror (Director: Steven Goldmann)
417. Train (Director: Gideon Raff)
418. Transsiberian (Director: Brad Anderson)
419. Triad Wars (Director: Dennis Law)
420. Tricks Of Love (Director: Todd Norwood)
421. Triloquist (Director: Mark Jones)
422. Tropic Thunder (Director: Ben Stiller)
423. Tru Loved (Director: Stewart Wade)
424. Trucker (Director: James Mottern)
425. Truth Hall (Director: Jade Jenise Dixon)
426. Two Lovers (Director: James Gray)
427. Unemployed (Director: Dale Stelly)
428. Untraceable (Director: Gregory Hoblit)
429. Vice (Director: Raul Inglis)
430. Vinyan (Director: Fabrice Du Welz)
431. Virus Undead (Directors: Wolf Wolff + Ohmuthi)
432. Visioneers (Director: Jared Drake)
433. Voices (Director: Ellen Ongkeko-Marfil)
434. Wanted (Director: Timur Bekmambetov)
435. War, Inc. (Director: Joshua Seftel)
436. Wendy + Lucy (Director: Kelly Reichardt)
437. What Doesn’t Kill You (Director: Brian Goodman)
438. What Just Happened (Director: Barry Levinson)
439. While She Was Out (Director: Susan Montford)
440. Whore (Director: Thomas Dekker)
441. Wicked Lake (Director: Zach Passero)
442. Wieners (Director: Mark Steilen)
443. Winter In Wartime (Director: Martin Koolhoven)
444. Work Of Art (Director: Joel Sotolongo)
445. XII (Director: Michael A. Nickles)
446. Yonkers Joe (Director: Robert Celestino)
447. Zack + Miri Make A Porno (Director: Kevin Smith)
448. Zombie Strippers (Director: Jay Lee)

NC-17
(none)

It's been a while since I had anything new I know! And again I'm sorry! Life has been life and things have been things. But I wanted to get something out before family arrived to eat away at more of my time! It's a slow chapter I know but things will pick up again soon I promise!
In the mean time I found a very talented artist who was willing to sketch out some of the Unity tech for me to start giving you all a bit of a look into the world of TWWC. So find the art here. And look for more soon!
My Stories
Previous Chapter
Forest #34 Formerly Mark Twain National Forest Missouri 10:21 A.M. Local Time January 16, 2035.
It wasn’t often that I got called back to central command such as it was but the raid on Divinity City last month had stirred things up. Not to mention the Unity response, though that seemed to have been part of something larger. It took a good two weeks for them to move on and pull away from where we had been hiding out but they never seemed to make as big of an effort as I’d expected to root us out. Instead they’d followed the trail of whatever the hell the Chimera were and headed north. Once the coast was clear I had time to get out of the area and report in.
I’d always hoped that the Missouri ridges were full of cold war era bunkers and the like but we hadn’t been so lucky. There were old complexes here and there scattered about but what passed for central command of the U.S. Military resistance was a makeshift fort hidden in the old Mark Twain forest not too far from Taum Sauk Mountain. It might be the highest point in Missouri but since I’d spent so much time in Colorado I wasn’t impressed.
We had pulled off the MSR about twenty miles ago, and now turned off the SSR to start slowly heading up an old fire road. Most of the area had been overgrown since the invasion. Sometimes it felt like a month ago that everything went to hell, but the trees had 15 years to start growing back in without many people around to tend to them and as they got bigger every year I got older. Just felt strange. We moved slow, and flashed our headlights twice before coming to a stop. When we saw a green flash we began to move once more, this time turning off the old road and into the woods.
The path was carefully hidden but if you paid attention you’d notice the line in the trees big enough for a truck to pass through. The camo netting up in the tree tops became more apparent as we drove deeper and then we could see Fort Clemens, though some of the guys called it Fort Huckleberry instead. I slowly shook my head as I saw it. This was supposed to be the future and the center for the U.S. military resistance was in a wood fort straight out of the 1800s. Of course the M8220 flak cannons were basically WW2 era, and the various antennas and satellite dishes sticking up over the edge of the wooden wall around the fort didn’t belong in either era. The solar panels carefully placed around were also stolen from Unity outposts.
I suppose that’s how we’d kept ahead of the Unity this whole time. Just use whatever worked. A hidden wood fort in the forest didn’t show up on aerial recon. They had some sort of thermal sheeting in the netting as well to make sure we didn’t all show up on thermals. The cannons might be old tech but they worked and we could keep them maintained, and the communications gear kept us in touch with everyone else out there. Though most messages were encoded into civilian transmissions since that was easier to hide. Not to mention all the Unity tech we repurposed. There might not be any cold war bunkers set up around here but for the last ten years we’d been digging our own with stolen Unity construction equipment.
Most of the forces spread out around the area had a decent tunnel system to call home, but Fort Clemens was for meetings and worked as a central staging point. That way each individual unit would only know two locations, so if one cell got hit the others could go to ground. Fort Clemens was fortified enough that if they came for it in force we’d be able to put up a hell of a fight for it. Or better yet seeing as they’d need to amass quite the force to take it we’d instead have enough time to just abandon it and slink away into more tunnels.
As I was thinking about that I noticed the number of trucks leaving the fort even as we approached. They must be confident no Unity assets were in the area to move around so much stuff all at once during the day. There was a mix of Unity trucks and even pre-invasion military trucks that still ran on diesel. I wonder where they got the fuel… Either way we were soon pulling up to the outer wall of the wood fort and the MPs were waving us to the parking lot next to the gate. Besides the transport trucks there were a number of pickups parked here like the one Felon and I were in, which likely meant they’d called in a number of commanders from other posts. Something big was going on.
“Did they say to expect so many other guys around?” Felon asked then as I shook my head.
“Far as I was told this was just going to be me debriefing General Mathews about what happened in the city and what we know about the attack on Fort Sierra.” I replied as we got out of the truck. The cold immediately gripped at me now that I was out of the heated truck. Thankfully the snow had melted over the last few days but we were expecting more by next week, and it was still hovering around the low 30s. But it was clear out. One of those bright cold days that had seemed to become the norm these last few winters.
The weather had become a little strange since the invasion. Besides there being less snow despite being just as cold as it used to be I had noticed that there hadn’t been any major tornados that I’d heard about in… years. Could be because I was focused on my mission spying on Divinity City, but I feel like if there had been anything big I still would have heard about it. Some of the guys talked about Unity controlling the weather but my money was on the Russians using most of their nuclear arsenal on themselves as the true culprit.
I couldn’t imagine what the weather was like in Eastern Europe or Siberia after the invasion. Considering how cold it had been here that first year with all the ash in the air caused by the war it had to have been even worse over there. I thought about that decision sometimes. The willingness they showed to wipe themselves out to try and take as many of the aliens with them as they could. The Russians were firm believers in scorched earth right up to the very end weren’t they? I realized my old mind was wandering as I walked towards the gate and gave the MPs a salute which they returned as we walked into the fort proper.
Around the outside of the fort walls were cabins and longhouses that served as the living quarters for most of the men, only the officers lived inside. Though maybe that was all about to change. There were soldiers all across the fort I could see loading things into the backs of even more trucks. It looked like they were getting ready to pull out of the fort. Considering the amount of MPs and uniformed soldiers scattered around working it was almost like being fifteen years in the past before the invasion and seeing a real military again. Mhhh… not enough PT belts though. While many things were missed from those old days I couldn’t remember a single regular bemoan that we didn’t use those anymore.
I made my way towards the intel building off to the side of the compound next to the communications hub. So far they didn’t seem to be unloading anything from either of these buildings. That or they were already done. When I got close the MPs didn’t even wait for a salute as they opened the door for me. Time was you couldn’t breathe on the intel building without getting your ID checked but these days the fact that I was human was good enough. As I stepped into the building… why did I keep calling it that? It was a cabin. A log fucking cabin. A two story cabin maybe but that didn’t change things much. I just shook my head a little and walked past the analysts who were around the large table in the center of the floor with a map of the midwest on it. While I’d seen the map plenty of times I noticed how many more pins and markers were on it than usual as I headed upstairs.
“Shall I come up Sir?” I paused at the base of the stairs and looked back at Felon almost having forgotten he was with me.
“Ah no, the General prefers our meetings to be private. See about getting yourself some coffee.” I waved towards the corner where they kept a pot of sludge like liquid that they called coffee around here.
“You want a cup Sir?” He asked and I shook my head before continuing up the stairs to the level above. Here were two more MPs guarding the door to the General’s office but much like downstairs they just opened it for me as I approached and snapped a quick salute which I returned out of habit. Inside I could see my superior Brigadier General Bartholomew Plainview. His office was fairly simple, big desk across from the door, two chairs, and then maps. Maps everywhere. He currently had a few of those maps laid out on small tables around his office and he was currently leaning over one of Missouri and Kansas.
“Ah, well if it isn’t the old man come at last.” He mentioned as I shut the door behind me.
“You’re older than me Bart.” I mentioned as he just grinned my way.
“Ah but you’ve been an Oldman all your life! Most people are born young but not you.” I shook my head a little as he made the joke about my name yet again. “You have your convict downstairs I take it?”
“You know the military has a proud history of Felons serving in its ranks.” I pointed out having also expected that joke.
“Yes, but normally it’s the marines.” He muttered as he straightened up from the map he had been leaning over.
“So what’s going on around the fort? We’re moving out? Do you know something I don’t about a Unity attack?” I asked then and he shook his head as he moved over to one of the chairs before his desk and waved me to the other. He normally liked to sit with his fellow officers like that rather than with him behind his big desk. I figured he wanted us to feel more at ease. Or he just wanted us to think that and he was playing some other long term game. Hard to tell with him.
“Most of the tunnels are finished now. They’re going to start splitting things up and distribute them around the area. As we both know the aliens are terrible about checking all the caves around here.” He mentioned as he rubbed his chin.
“Well there are a lot of them.” I mentioned as I sat in the chair beside him so we could sit and talk face to face.
“Even more now that we’ve dug some of our own. You’ll likely be reporting to my own little cave once I get settled in though I’m moving last to try and minimize any disruption to my work. You’ll also be given the coordinates to central command since I’m sure the JCS will call you in regularly.” I blinked a little as he dropped that last bit on me.
“The joint chiefs?” I asked and thought about all the other trucks I’d seen from commanders. “Which ones are here?”
“All of them.” I knew he had saved that bit of information just to see my surprise but it worked and I blinked a few times at that.
“You’re kidding. All of them are here? Why? Is this something to do with the map downstairs?” Considering the pins and markers perhaps there was a build up for the first time in a decade.
“They’ve decided the time is ripe for us to start larger more focused operations against the Unity. Mostly they’re concentrating on the greater midwest but that leaves Divinity City to you.” As he pointed at my I rubbed my chin in thought. I wasn’t set up for hard strikes and he knew that.
“What about the New Year’s broadcast?” I asked. The Governor had made a big display on New Years to march out all those new Tin Cans they had in shiny new armor and even a few new battle suits.
“That’s precisely why they want to hit them harder. We need to prove we’re still alive and well and that we’ll kill Tin Can collaborators just as surely as we do aliens.” He trailed off then and I knew he had a follow up. “Speaking of, any word on the Chimera?”
“Not a damn thing.” I admitted. “They stumbled across Fort Sierra while looking for them and despite the fact that we destroyed a Cuttlefish and killed a few hundred of them they stopped chasing us almost immediately. We were out of the caves after less than a week. Whoever or whatever these Chimera are the Unity want them. Bad.”
He nodded at that and rubbed his chin as he thought it over. “I should let the Joint Chiefs hear what you have to say so I might as well wait on my other questions. What do you know about them anyway?”
“Who? The Joint Chiefs?” I asked. “Are you trying to quiz me about our superiors? Wondering if I have a file on them?” He grinned when I asked that and so I just nodded. “You are wondering that aren’t you.”
“I like you Oldman, you’re the only ranking officer I have working for me who wasn’t intel or special forces before the invasion. Without waiting for orders you survived the invasion and set up operations around what you realized was their new capital before any of us did and you’re still alive. Not to mention the network of agents you set up in the city is remarkable. You were wasted on humanitarian aid.” I didn’t agree with him on that point but I just kept quiet and took the rest of the complement. “So, do you know the Joint Chiefs or should I tell you?”
“You act like someone in my position doesn’t pay attention to who is commanding officers are.” I replied and he just smirked once more.
“You’re stalling aren’t you? Your memory is failing and you’re used to having your little folders with you.” I rolled my eyes and took a breath before recalling what I could.
“Chairman of the Joint Chiefs is Walter Goldstein, formerly US Marines, killed a Bregnan in hand to hand on the day of the invasion and now looks like a Bond Villain thanks to the scars across his face. He was in charge of the resistance from Georgia to North Carolina in the early days and made a name for himself as the Gator by hiding in the swamps out there. Current Unity bounty of two point five million luxury chits last I heard.” I started off.
“Don’t call him Gator though. He thinks it’s a stupid name. From what I hear his guys like it though so.” Plainview shrugged and I went on.
“Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gloria Andrews, the only ranking Air Force officer I know of from before the invasion. Took down a Unity Carrier on the day of the invasion by crashing a Globemaster into it, though I’ve still got no idea how she survived the crash herself. Since then she pioneered the Valkyrie program and is responsible for what little we have left of an Air Force. Current bounty two million chits even.” I listed off next.
“You know used to be a time when saying the Air Force was full of fifteen year old girls was just a joke.” I shook my head a little as he said that. The Valkyrie were mostly teen girls on Ultra-Light craft armed with M-79s and other grenade launchers who would zip over the tree line and hit Unity patrols who had no idea how to deal with aircraft that were little more than a wing with an engine and a seat. Again I thought about how we used anything that worked to fight these alien invaders.
“Ah next would be Admiral Ashton Kelly who like most of the others who earned their dolphins survived the first attack, unlike most of the others he then spent the next few years in his Virginia class raiding the Eastern Seaboard. Last I heard his bounty was one point eight million. Then there’s our ally and northern guest Jacques Danjou from the Armée Canadienne. I am including him right?” I asked and Plainview nodded.
“Sure. He’s considered part of the Joint Chiefs for now so tell me what you know about him.” I took a breath as I thought it over.
“I’m not as familiar with whatever was going on in Canada but I do know he’s organized what’s left of the professional Canadian military with the Mounties into a decent fighting force. They’re known for raiding the mag trains, and he personally killed a Unity Battlewalker with a satchel charge if I’m correct?” I glanced at Plainview who nodded and I continued. “One point five million chit bounty on him. Am I including civilian members?” I asked next.
“All of them you can name.” He confirmed.
“Well last would be Cassius Harrison our Chief Militia Liaison, also known as the Nighthawk. Responsible for the Baltimore Uprising of ‘23, the Pittsburg uprising of ‘25, and the Chicago uprising of ‘27. General pain in the Unity’s ass, and while I can’t say much for the professionalism of his partisans they’re obviously effective or else the Unity wouldn’t have a two million chit bounty out for his head.” I leaned back in the chair then as Plainview kept staring at me as if expecting more. “Ah… the Unity claims he was in fact a crime boss before the invasion but he claims he was law enforcement from Baltimore. I’ve never met him so I couldn’t say either way.”
“My thinking is law enforcement though all of those records were destroyed so I don’t know for sure.” Plainview replied. “But I was more waiting to hear what you know about our last civilian and the Sec Def.” That caught me by surprise as I blinked a few times and he could see I was caught off guard. “Oh. You didn’t know about our Sec Def?”
“No. I wasn’t aware we had a Secretary of Defense any more. Is there still a civilian government we’re supposed to be reporting to?” It was the first I’d heard of it.
“I don’t think so. Just her. I’d never heard of her before a few months ago but the other Joint Chiefs report to her so I guess it’s as legitimate as anything else we do these days. It’s a woman by the name of Alexandra Grainger-” He was about to go on but I couldn’t hold back.
“Fuck me. She’s still alive? I never would have thought I’d see her again.” Now it was his turn to look surprised.
“You’ve met her?” He asked and I nodded.
“Over in Kaohsiung City. We didn’t tangle with the PLA much but there was some strange shit going on near an industrial park. She shows up and we were all told she was in charge, a civilian ordering us around. It was strange. But she was from DARPA and had a whole team of tier one with her, and before that I wasn’t even aware DARPA had any armed units at their disposal. The whole thing kind of creeped me out. You know how most spec ops guys are total meat heads and jocks right?” I asked and he laughed but nodded. “Well these guys were all very quiet. Never socialized, spoke very little, just… creeped us out.”
“Well it sounds like you know more than me.” He said then. “Until now I had no idea she had been with DARPA. There’s no files I can find with her on them and I couldn’t figure out how she became Secretary of Defense. All I know is she was in charge of everything west of the rockies since the invasion. Showed up a few months ago to take command here, and get this those apparently DARPA guys you mentioned? She’s still got them. Or new ones. They were even in exosuits and had gear I’d never seen before.”
I couldn’t help but arch my brows a little as he said that. “What like… salvaged Unity gear?”
“No. Or… didn’t look like it. Looked like our own stuff. Maybe prototypes from before the invasion? Hell if I know. But even the Unity doesn’t know who she is because there isn’t a bounty on her by name. However they’ve apparently got a standing offer on the west coast for ten million chits, full first class collaborator citizenship, and a total pardon for information leading to the arrest of the Western Rebel Leader is all they named her as.” I couldn’t help but whistle when he told me that.
“So whatever she’s done out west they aren’t happy with her.” I rubbed my chin as I thought of her all those years ago. Kaohsiung City had been a shit show from the start but she’d been the worst of it. She had been professional and polite but something about her behavior had been so cold and detached… Always referring to any civilian deaths as acceptable collateral damage. I wasn’t sure how I felt finding out she was apparently in charge of us all. Then again if she’d done so much on the west coast to get the Unity to put an offer like that for her then she had to be damn good at her job.
“So, now that I’ve got you up to speed you won’t be caught off guard when she wants you to present your briefing before the Joint Chiefs.” I arched a brow as he told me that and held up my little folder of papers.
“I’m talking to them? I’m not just telling you and then you tell them? Isn’t that how the chain of command is supposed to work?” He smirked at that and ran a hand through his white hair for a moment.
“Sometimes. But I think they want to get to know you since they already know me.” I leaned back when he told me that and frowned a little.
“Why?” I was never comfortable being the center of attention.
“Because old man you’re in charge of our agents in an around Divinity City. They want to know what you’re like.” I let out a sigh then as I thought about being sat in front of a panel of superior officers. I’d never done it. Ever since the invasion things had been more casual. I usually just spoke to Plainview who would pass on my intel to whoever needed it. Sometimes I worked with General Carter since he officially ran the regulars out here but that was pretty rare.
“Okay, but I have some questions before we get out there.” I mentioned and started to reach into my folder but he was standing up and patting my shoulder.
“Later. The Sec Def expects us to be punctual so let's go.” I frowned as he waved for me to follow but did get up to walk after him. I should have expected this from him. He liked to keep me guessing and give me as little info as possible in regards to this sort of thing. I think he felt it made me into a better intelligence officer because I had to keep thinking on the fly but honestly it just bothered me. But he was my superior so all I could do was gripe into my whiskey tonight.
Once we were downstairs I saw Felon in the corner next to the sludge pot start to get up but Plainview waved him back down. “Not this time Master Sergeant. Officers only. Enjoy the sludge.” I just nodded at Leo as we walked past and he sat back down. From the cabin we headed to the central hall. It was mostly just used for assemblies of the local commanders when they wanted to set up long term goals and various objectives all at once. I rarely went since my mission around Divinity City almost never lined up with what the others did.
Much like the rest of what we had going on here it was a mix of eras. 1800s wood fort like construction, a solar panel on the roof, some antennae off the sides, and then there were the guards I noticed as we approached. They had to be the DARPA team that Plainview had mentioned. When I’d seen Grainger last they hadn’t had exosuits that’s for sure. Unlike the shiny armor of the Tin Can collaborators this was more of a rough robotic frame with a face mask and beneath it each of the men still wore fatigues. But I didn’t see any rank tabs or unit patches. Not even name tags. Just US flags on the shoulders.
“Identification please sir.” One asked as we approached the main door and Plainview handed his over quickly but I needed a moment to remember what pocket I had mine in. I rarely used it. Once the soldier had both IDs in hand he actually ran it under a scanner as I had more time to look him over. His weapon wasn’t standard. Not that anything was these days. But I wasn’t even sure what it was. It reminded me of a FN-SCAR but seemed to be sized differently. The grip and the handle looked right but the rest of it seemed larger. However there wasn’t any top rail or sights that I could see. Perhaps it was integrated into the suit’s mask? Not to mention I had no idea what he had on the bottom rail. It wasn’t any M203 variant I was familiar with.
“Here you go sirs. You are expected.” The soldier handed back our IDs and I looked into the blue eyes of the face mask. Couldn’t tell if it was backlit or just colored glass. Gave the impression of looking back into a skull though which was unnerving. I noticed they didn’t salute Plainview and he didn’t salute them so I just followed him in, taking one look back as we entered the main hall. I realized the fatigues were misleading. They were too… puffy to be regular. They had to hide some sort of armor within rather than hardened outer plates like the Unity forces preferred. I turned my focus back on the structure around us as we stepped into the main hall from the entryway. There were about 4 dozen seats arranged before a slightly raised platform with a long table on it, behind which sat the Joint Chiefs.
Goldstein, Andrews, Kelly, and Donjou were all in dress uniform as if we were in the Pentagon and not in the middle of the Mark Twain National Forest in an old fashioned wood fort. Harrison at the end of the table was wearing an old Baltimore Raven’s sweatshirt and slacks. Then in the center was Grainger. She was wearing a dark grey business suit with a white shirt and a bright pink tie that almost made me want to laugh. Who the hell wore ties anymore let alone a bright pink one like that? Her hair was just as short as it had been when we first met 16 years ago. God… 16 years? I shook my head slowly as I looked around the rest of the room.
Of the four dozen seats a good three quarters were full of the other commanders from around the midwest. Looked like they really had brought everyone in that they could. Though all I caught from their briefing was the very tail end with Grainger speaking. “Details of specific missions will be left up to each of you individually but the message we need to send is clear. Hit them hard. Hit them often. Tin Can collaborators with their new toys or regular Unity forces we are still here and we are still fighting.” She scanned the room for a moment and paused as she looked at me before finishing up. “Dismissed.”
With that the others got up to start to head out and I nodded as they walked by. I knew a few, but mostly just from meetings here. I rarely worked with any of them. Once they had filed out I walked towards the front of the room to a small table set just before the stage with the Joint Chiefs on it. Plainview sat behind me in the first row of regular seats and I set my folder on the table, preparing the few papers I had brought for the briefing. If I had known I would be presenting before the last high ranking officers of the military and our new Secretary of Defense I’d have prepared better. I felt like I was in school again having not done nearly enough studying before a big exam. At least in this nightmare I had my clothes on still.
I looked up at them and then froze up. How did I address them? Ladies and Gentlemen didn’t seem right but I couldn’t think. Thankfully Grainger spoke up. “Please state your name for the record." That made me look around for a moment and I saw a woman off to the side I had missed who seemed to be typing out what was said. Really? I wanted to laugh at how absurd that seemed to me but instead I just coughed and spoke up.
“Colonel Ryan Oldman formerly of the 43rd Sustainment Brigade.” I stated and then waited.
“Colonel Oldman, I know this is likely the first time you’re presenting before the Joint Chiefs but don’t worry about formalities right now. We just want you to tell us what you know. For starters let's talk about the Chimera. What do we know?” I took a slow breath as I looked up at Grainger and the others on the stage. Now I really understood why it was those panels before Congress were set up like this. Having them tower above you really tried to give you a sense of being small and insignificant before them. But I didn’t think that was the goal here so I just forged ahead.
“Virtually nothing.” I figured I’d just start strong and go from there. “We do know the Cuttlefish that was eliminated at Fort Sierra came across the site by accident during a recon mission for the Chimera. Then rather than pursue our forces hard as we pulled out of the area Unity patrols seemed to follow after signals from the Chimera still, and completely ignored my own forces in the area. They showed no signs of concern for their losses and gave the area around the Ozarks only a cursory search before moving on. Camp Golf, my command center, wasn’t even inspected despite its proximity to Camp Sierra and our facility at the Bagnell dam also went undiscovered.”
I paused then and pulled out the one piece of paper I had with all I knew about the Chimera. “Based on information gained from a Unity prisoner they do emit some form of signal that can be traced. However the signal appears to be weak and Unity forces can only get a very rough estimate of their position. Either this signal, or the signals used by the Unity to track them do seem to have an… adverse effect on wildlife in the area. Particularly dogs. In several reported cases our trained dogs in Hunter units have gone… ah… mad in the middle of the night. Exhibiting signs of increased aggression or fear and often clustering together, trying to pull their handlers towards the center of our camps.”
“Colonel are you aware that similar events are being reported from as far away as Memphis, Springfield, and Des Moines?” I looked up as Grainger asked me that and shook my head.
“No, Ma’am I was not aware.”
“Colonel have you had any sightings of these Chimera? Anything?” She followed up.
“No, Ma’am.” I waited and she nodded.
“Do you think they are hostile?” She asked next.
“At the moment I would say… not currently. Not to us. However a casualty report from Unity forces that I was able to recently acquire…” I pulled the page from my folder. “Suggests that they are hostile to the Unity. I have been able to account for about two hundred and fifty Bregnan casualties over the last month from my forces in the area. There are however four hundred and…” I glanced at the paper. “Thirty six reported Bregnan deaths in the same time frame in the area.”
As I mentioned that the Joint Chiefs began to shift a little and quietly muttered to one another. “Colonel.” I looked over at Goldstein then as he spoke up. “We were informed that you had Hunters exfil a captive agent from Kansas City last month? Is he in stable position?”
“Yes Sir. All operatives were able to extract successfully. Cover identities for all but one agent were burned in the process but we’re working on getting them new ones. However the captive had been tortured quite severely in the short time he was held and has since been put into a medically induced coma. Even when he was awake it was hard to get anything out of him.”
“What was it you could get from him?” Grainged pressed then before I could continue on my own.
“That something strange is going on. The only reason we were able to extract him at all was because he was being held at a nightclub and not an official Unity facility. Furthermore we had assumed the nightclub to be part of a crime organization within the city and until his capture we had no idea it was connected to Unity forces at all. Our agent did mention dead scientists but we were unable to verify who he meant. However one of the few things he kept repeating was something about a woman in red. We’re unsure of the significance but he said it often enough that I made a note of it.” The Joint Chiefs glanced at one another and Grainger leaned forward before adjusting her glasses.
“Colonel, the Unity often claims that their invasion and occupation of our planet is in our own best interest. Despite their considerable invasion force Unity regulars have clearly been sent elsewhere in the past fifteen years, and they have factories around the planet working non stop to produce arms and armaments that are intended for use elsewhere. All of this suggests that they have threats elsewhere in the galaxy. Could these Chimera be a part of that fight?” I blinked as she asked that and thought it over for a moment.
“Mmhhh… I don’t know Ma’am.” I answered honestly. “The Chimera being… Rival aliens could be possible? But if so why are they here? Why not communicate with us directly? Why have a signal that the Unity can trace?” I shrugged then. “There are too many variables.”
She nodded then but rubbed her chin thoughtfully before continuing. “What of the quarantined farms in your area?”
I pulled out another paper then. “On the day of December 12th on my way back from a standard asset meeting in Jeff… ah that is Jefferson City my vehicle was stopped next to the Anderson farm which was in the process of being burned down even then. All we were told is that there was a disease on the farm and to report any aggressive animals in the area to Unity personnel. While scouts had reported four people on the farm prior I personally counted seven bodybags. After that it wasn’t until January 3rd that the next farm was quarantined some eighteen miles away.” I tugged a small marked map from my folder then, looking up at the panel before me. But they just waited for me to continue so I did.
“Since then a total of five more farms have all been promptly quarantined and then burned down. Fields, structures, everything. None of the farmers reported being sick to any of my forces in the area before the Unity teams would descend upon a farm to quarantine the area. On top of that, none of the farms have been in proximity to one another, and in all cases where my scouts could observe more body bags have been removed then there were people at the farms.” Then I stopped since I wasn’t sure what else to say.
“Do you suspect a connection between the farms and the Chimera?” Grainger asked then and I couldn’t help but shrug yet again as I tugged out my map of the possible path of the Chimera heading north west away from the Ozarks.
“The farms have been directly east of Divin… ah Kansas City while the possible path of the Chimera has them going north west. Ma’am… frankly I have no idea. I’ve got far more questions than answers myself. The fact that they mentioned aggressive animals at the farm and then the reports of dogs going mad in relation to the Chimera makes me think there is a connection but what it is? I have no idea.” I glanced at the woman in the corner typing out what I’d just said and shook my head a little. I sure was going to be eloquent on paper wasn’t I?
“Very well Colonel. Thank you for your report. Notify us when your agent recovers or if you learn anything else. From here on out the Joint Chiefs and I will be staying in the area, so expect to hear from us again soon. Commanders in the neighboring sectors are also going to be stepping up their attacks, but I want you to keep quiet for now and avoid confrontation whenever possible. If we can get them to believe the area directly around Kansas city is safe then they might move forces elsewhere. Dismissed.” As Grainger nodded I nodded back and got up, handing my folder to Plainview who was stepping forward to get into the chair I’d just left. I guess they had questions for him as well.
(Continued in Comments)

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Date: 2012-05-31
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Questions	Answers
What I mean is locals are not shy about being assholes to white people, unless you have been on island for over 15-20 years, so do you guys get respect?	But I wouldn't say that they are a joke. For every bad naysayer there are 2 people that like him. Dog has a good reputation on the island, he has been there for so long and helped a lot of people. Of course there are oldies who don't like mainlanders, but who cares. 95% like him, 5% don't.
Is Dog actually any good at what he does, or do junkies just suck at running from the law? Regardless, I think I'm safe in saying that I could evade Dog for longer than anybody on that show has. But then again I don't smoke crack.	Dog is very good. Before I joined the office, I saw the show. The funny thing is....the show got canceled because Dog didn't want any producer involvement, it was a TRUE reality show.
	But off camera on many many other busts, yes, he still does his job very well.
What did the producers want to do that Dog disagreed with? Do you think there's a chance that further negotiations might lead to the show being put back on the air again?	Like I said, I have nothing to do with the show, I'm only in the business-side.
	From what it seems (my educated guesses, NOT 100% fact yet!), the producers wanted to change up DTBH and add/change certain aspects of the show and the way it was shot. Dog said no, it is fine the way it is. That's all I really know. Could be money as well, and the threats could have something to do with it.
The show makes it seem that they're taking people into custody nonstop. is that how it really is? how many are apprehended in a typical week?	They do a lot more busts than shown on tv. It isn't a tv show, it is a real business. They need to make money.
How often does the company post bond for people?	Per week....I'd say 3, up to 5 for low level stuff not on tv.
Does dog know the names of all of his 81723489124 kids?	Dog does indeed know their names.
Are beth's breast really that big or is that just where the camera adds 10 pounds on her?	Ha! No comment brotha!
Did you work in the office when one of his sons sold a recording of dog dropping the n word talking about his daughters boyfriend or some mess?	Nope, I wasn't with them at that time.
Which one of the cast members did you get along with the most?	All of his family are real people, they dont act like celebrities. For the most part, I'm around Baby Lyssa for the most of the day, we work together on paperwork, etc.... Only sometimes will I go over to Lelands office.
What are your thoughts on the show being cancelled?	I can't really comment on the other half of the issues going on. But I am upset for them. It doesn't really affect me, but I'm sure it might affect business. But I'm sure the show will get picked up by another company.
Awesome! huge fan of the dog and the show, hopefully it'll stay alive. Thanks for taking the time to answer.	No problem! Aloha!
	I'm sure something will br worked out.
Shouldn't dog and the crew carry uhh a real gun? Druggies do quite often have guns..or could eat your face off.	Dog hates usings guns to bounty hunt, and he can't own a firearm since he is a felon.
What crime did he commit.	Allegedly murder, a long time ago when he was young and a criminal.
Did he do it.	Read the book. I'm here to talk about my experiences, not his life story.
	And don't mean that in a bad way, just not my intent of this IAmA.
Are you thinking about becoming an agent?	I already am an agent, that was my badge. I just choose to stay at the office, I'm not really all for bounties. I only meet up with them when I do paperwork at the jail.
Care to elaborate on what exactly Tim Chapman was doing with "spilled orange juice" on his pants when he got arrested????	And who knows, I've never even met Tim, so Idk.
How did you get into that line of business?	I knew Duane Lee Jr. a long time ago, we were in construction and contracting together. I gave it a shot, he remembered me, and Beth and Dog liked me, so I was offered a job. They even put me up in a hotel for a month while I was looking for an apartment here.
That's awesome of them. They always struck me as very nice people.	I wouldn't say they were if they weren't.
Except that you work for them.	I don't really beat around the bush. They've done so much for me, yet I'm not afraid to say something to them when I see something out of place or wrong.
	If someone did act all pampered and treat a random person with disrespect because the fame got to them, I wouldn't care who it was or how much I was getting paid. If you don't respect someone who gives you respect, you aren't getting any from me.
Does Dog act different in the show to how he is in real life? Do you know of any times having to have a camera crew around has hindered a search for someone? i.e slowed the team down.	I honestly think that Dog and Beth and the crew are a couple of the only people who actually are real. Of course, they won't start a yelling match at a book signing or anything. But they take their time to say hello to fans, etc....
What was Dog's reaction to the South Park spoof? Or if you were not working there at the time, does he ever reference it or talk about it?	Before my time. But they love spoofs of them, they don't mind being roasted as long as it is respectful or in good taste.
Yea he obviously didn't see it. lol.	Didn't see the South Park episode? Yes he did, he has a picture of the crew on the office wall. He enjoys it.
Damn that was fast! thanks for responding. what happened after the whole "n****r" incident a few years back...totally got me to stop watching the show.	Hey, just edit your post to remove the word, kinda offensive. But he made reparations, came out with a second book about the incident, and the show was back on.
I can't imagine any reason to be offended by seeing the word nigger on the internet in a discussion about the term. Calling someone a nigger, now, that's a different matter.	I know, but I think it is an awful term that isn't needed in society.
How sweet of you. :)	Well I am very Christian like Dog and his family. I do my best to try to treat everyone with respect, and especially nothing like that is coming from me.
Can you explain the bail system to me? i don't understand a single thing of it.	You get arrested.
	You call a bail company to bail you out.
	Your bail is set at...$1,000. Non violent crime, nothing big.
	You and a co-signer (someone who also takes liability for you) sign and agree to pay the bondsman usually 10% of what the bond is....$100.
	You go to court, done!
	OR.
	You skip bail. Then this is how bounty hunters make the money. That 10% you didn't pay is now being offered by the court system, PLUS whatever money they have as a reward for capture.
	Basically, a bail company assumes the $900 your bail was that you didn't pay. If you show up to court, that $900 disappears into thin air. You don't go, then the bail company must pay the rest of your bail.
What's a bail revocation?	The bail company revokes the bail.
	The co-signer revokes the bail.
	Or the court revokes the bail.
	This basically means that the bail money keeping you out of jail is now useless, and for whatever reason, you are now wanted and need to go back to jail.
	Reasons to believe defendant is doing something illegal, like drugs or stealing.
	Defendant is hanging around with convicted criminals (most likely up to no good)
	Co-signer wants out of the responsibility and has a valid reason to pull the bond (like reasons #1 or 2.)
	Defendant has been deemed a flight risk and could possibly try to escape to somewhere else.
	Defendant has been arrested.
	The bail company doesn't want the liability and/or the defendant has broken the policies, like not checking in every day or so.
Wouldn't it be a good policy to have the 10% up front?	Forgot to mention the co-signer. Yes, you need to put down collateral as a cosigner. Could be a car, a house, etc... Needs to equal the value of the bond written.
Also, if the company assumes the responsibility of the 90% do they have a right to go after the co-signer for the cash?	Well having the 10% up front, a lot of people couldn't afford it all at once.
I used to watch his tv show a few years ago. How much of that show is scripted or exaggerated for dramatic effect?	0%. That is 1 reason why the show is being canceled, Dog said no to the script.
So you mean to tell me Storage Wars has scripts?	Well it does. They choose which lockers to go to, which ones to show on TV. Scripting doesn't mean it has to be words people say, it can also be settings or actions.
So when he was having a pep talks with the fugitives he apprehended, that was all him and not exaggerated for the show?	He has been doing that since day 1. EVERY SINGLE PERSON arrested gets that. That's why I work for him. I wouldn't work for a phony. He is genuine.
Do they plant items in the lockers?	Once again, apparently you don't understand the term scripted.
	On that show, the people aren't told what to say. But they might be told buy this or fight to buy the locker. Or the production team might know when certain lockers are going on sale, and film those days. Obviously someone knows what's inside, the businesses know.
So what lines does that entail to have to memorization?	What are you talking about. Read my post carefully, obviously you don't understand a word I'm saying dude.
You don't know how to express yourself in an articulate manner.	My bad, and hey, I'm not attacking you or anything, don't take it that way.
	Anyway, basically that storage show is considered scripted because the producers control what happens that day, like where they will film, who, and which lockers.
	On this show, the producers had to just go with it, there was no planning by then or anything, making it a TRUE reality show.
I AM THE DAWG! THE BIG BAD DAWG! I AM THE DAWG! Try and get away without using a hallpass? Think again.	It almost worked! Ha!
no, its not "just having a bad day" there is NO EXCUSE for beth to have acted that way to a sales clerk, ever, in my opinion. Having fame, living a certain lifestyle, and profiting from it the way celebrities do (on any scale) is a trade off for "being hounded by random people" -- No excuses.	So you are saying you have never acted in an irate way before? And no, I don't feel like buying any bridges from you at this time.
No, I have never "acted in an irate way" and gone on a racist rant like that. Have you? You seem quick to sweep this sort of thing under the rug... Its NOT ok.	Never said it was. But long time ago man, and I wasn't involved, so I'm not commenting on it. It was meant to be a private conversation, not a public ordeal. That's all I'll say.
What is it like working for Dog? Is he always acting odd?	Some days he can be upset during a bounty or whatnot, but I understand that.
	But 99% of the time, he is truly the man he makes himself to be shown on TV. He really is a nice guy, loves talking to fans, etc....
vacuuming apparently.	He LOVES vacuuming, he won't let anyone touch his vacuum collection.....yes he has a collection. I read his book, in it he talked about how he sold Kirby vacuums.
Favourite moment in the job?	Favorite moment: seeing Dog talk to this one guy who was a heavy drug addict. 5 months later that guy came to the office completely turned around and sober.
Worst moment in the job?	Worst moment: nothing really major, haven't been there that long.
Favourite story about the job?	Favorite story: Having Christmas dinner with the Chapmans since it was snowed in at all airports at my home on the mainland and couldn't get home.
Thanks for answering! Loving no. 1.	No problem brother! Aloha from Hawaii! God Bless.
Are u fluent in pdigin? are u a local? what are your thoughts on poi?	Local from Hawai'i? Nope, I'm French Canadian. I lived in Quebec and Toronto for most of my life, then Colorado, where I met Duane Lee Jr. After working with him for a bit, he went to help his dad.
	About a year ago, I friended him on Facebook and he remembered me. I told him how the contracting business wasn't so hot, and he and the crew offered to let me help them out (this was when they were short Duane Lee). So I did a lot of the desk work DL didn't do to help them out, and they invited me to stay. And I did.
	I'm not accustomed to traditions over here yet. I've only been to the beach like 3 times so far! I've been looking for a house, since my apartment won't be big enough to start a family. Sorry for all of the extra info.
What brought you to Colorado? I'm Canadian as well, with a university degree, and cyber-stalking people just to satisfy my curiosity about them is my pastime. Think the Chapmans need an online investigator at their office to suss out the details, recent activity, relations, and whereabouts of suspects? :)	I first moved to CO when the building and contractor business was good there, a lot of folks moved out there at once. So I just randomly managed to run into DL and we weren't really friends...just co-workers. Then eventually we did become friends. After about 2 years, he broke off to another contracting company, but we kept in touch.
	Then he went off to Da Kine and I lost touch with him until about 3 years ago.
	I don't think they do, plus there isn't much that is online about these people. They don't come from the wealthiest backgrounds and very few actually have Facebook and such. It's all a paper or word of mouth trail.
That's interesting, I mentioned because I've seen them use suspects' online profiles to try and track them down.	Pretty much, he is about 1 or 2 years older than I am I do believe.
Are you about the same age as DL?	But that is very rare that they use online sources. But I really wouldn't know that much, I'm the paperwork guy, I don't really do anything regarding the bounties except help deal with the employees at the prison.
So, are they trying to sell the show to other networks, waiting it out, or are they kind of ok with just letting the show go?	Honestly, I don't know. I have nothing to do with the show. I'm just with the business, and keeping it that way. Right now, I don't think there is anything DEFINITE going on, but I'm not going to give a false reading on the situation.
	I'm sure Dog and the family will post more on Twitter when they know.
Ah, gotcha. The family seems like really decent people, and they're definitely entertaining to watch. Thanks for the reply and good luck building your life in hawaii :-)	Yeah, they are all very nice. You give them respect, they give you respect and treat you like family. And thank you!
Ho cuz, like scrap bu? Lol. Nah what's your favorite food?	My favorite food? Odd.....hmmm maybe grilled chicken?
How big of a business is Da Kine Bail Bonds? Are you guys expanding more after the show aired?	Dog started it a long time ago. First 1 office in Oahu and that is the main office. There are a total of 4 offices in the islands of Hawai'i. Leland manages another on the Big Island.
	There was one in Colorado, but they shut it down. Now they don't really write bail in CO, they just pick up hunts from other bail companies.
	Da Kine had already expanded to where it was before the show aired.
What's with the no guns? Has there ever actually been shots fired at him and he just has a can of bear mace?	Doesn't need to shoot and kill someone to bring them to justice. Non lethal is his style.
	He can't legally own a gun, as he is a registered felon. I don't believe his family can either.
	Can't say more about security and stuff, but I can say I do pack heat to protect everyone at the office.
No offense dude but telling the general public he doesnt/cant own guns isnt a good thing considering you said he may be being stalked.	That is major public knowledge, he mentions it all of the time on the show. And he is well protected.
Yeah I suppose, anyway should probably say my mum is a big fan of Dog's show and I was just wondering, whats the most dangerous thing that's happened during one of Dog's hunts? And have you ever gone on like a drive along with them?	I did at the beginning of working with them. Of course, you have to right?
	I'd say that a while back, before I was with them, they had that one guy shoot at them while Dog was chasing the guy. Not sure what came of that, didn't really follow up on it.
	But when I did a couple, pretty low level stuff, it wasn't filmed. Honestly, they really don't talk about their busts around the dinner table and such, since all of them were there, they knew what happened. If I or someone else asks, I learn a little, but not too much.
Has Dog ever considered a new pair of sunglasses? The ones he wears are look like these -- Oakley Thumps -- with earbuds. This has always bothered me.	I'm not a huge fan of the glasses either, not sure what the earbuds are for anyway. But he loves them.
Also, what's the deal with the paintball guns? Is anyone threatened by them? Looks like a lot of show to me...	The mace guns are a show of force and they actually do use them, much better than spray mace. Looks intimidating as well, and helps at night since they have flashlights on them. Better than tazers even.
I don't know much about these individuals, but is it really that hard to believe that anybody would get shot down by girls at a bar? Even if he's a respectable guy that you like, I'm sure everyone old enough to go to a bar has been shot down at some point, especially guys.	It's not that I don't believe it, I'm sure it is very true. But I doubt EVERYONE did. Plus he already has a girl and has for a very long time, he has been dating people before the show started, so I doubt he went to bars to look for girls.
Are you all Christian? I know every member of Dog's family seems to be. Or maybe they just quietly go along with the prayers to avoid drama...	Only Tucker isn't. Everyone else is. Dog has another son, Wesley, who is Mormon.
What would they think of, say, an atheist or Muslim?	As long as you treat others with respect and dignity, you can do whatever you want.
What was the script? Can you tell us more about the stalker?	Well scripted, but not a script.
	Calling a show "scripted" means basically the producers control most of the aspects of the show, whether it be the setting, the events, the people involved, etc....
	And no, I don't know anything and I DEFINITELY wouldn't say anything.
Are Beth's boobs as big in real life as they seem on TV?	Ha! Yes.
Tell us more. I don't know exactly what I want to know about them...but please, do go on.	About who? The crew or her boobs? You just said "them" in the same thread as her "assets"
Has everyone (Dog, Beth, Duane Lee, and Leland) made up?	From what I can tell, yes. See, the thing is, I don't want to go too deep into their personal lives, as I feel I shouldn't.
	But it was DL, the Leland took his side. This happened once before I heard. But now everyone is mending and it seems A OK. Remember that ChapBros thing? Kinda like that.
Thanks for answering. No matter what, I'm hope they manage to work it out.	Yeah, it should be fine. Hopefully they can get the show back up, who knows, could be a different network.
Have you ever combed his ape-drape?	Nope! ha!
Justin Jacques? Sounds like a male porn star.	So you've seen my work?! Ha just kidding. Yup, I'm French Canadian.
	I know a guy named Marc DeMarco.
Do you go out on the hunt or do you do more desk jockey work?	I try to stay at the office more, I'm better at brains, even though Im 6'3". I don't really care for the hunt and physical work.
Also: why is this legal? As a Norwegian I find it hard to believe that this sort of business still exists.	Why is what legal? Bail companies or bounty hunting?
Yoo, really enjoy the show. Is it true they filmed one of the shows in San Francisco?	I'm not sure, I really deal with actual business work, don't really do much show-wise.
Bounty hunting. Didn't think it still existed. Is it then only for an elite few that petition to be one, or can anyone just "become" one?	You need a license, can't just wake up one day and want to become one.
	Yup, it still exists. It is illegal in some states, and in most other countries. But it is helpful to the police forces, since they don't have the manpower to go after every single person that doesn't show up for court.
YOU are absolutely incorrect. Have you ever watched the show? LOL. He constantly "prays for" and prays with people. He's quite the push when it comes to religion.	That doesn't mean he is pushing his religion on other people. He is just doing what he can for others, not telling people to pray and go to church. Have YOU watched the show?
Dog was in prison for murder in texas, how do you go to texas, murder someone, and only get 5-7 years? There has to be more to that story.	Exactly. There is more, read his book. He didn't serve his full sentence.
Can I get a run down? I really dont have time in my life to run out and grab a book on him.	Basically, he was with a bunch of guys. The guys decided to rob a house, and ended up shooting a guy inside. Dog was outside in the car waiting to drive away. When the cops pulled up, the cops (who knew Dog) asked the old guy if Dog was involved in any way. The guy said no. He died later that day.
	However, Dog went down with the whole crew for Murder 1. Served time, but I believe was let out before the 5 years for parole. I think he only served a little over 2 years.
Do you think that bail bonds are a form of loan sharking, why or why not?	Definitely not, since there is no form of loaning money involved.
So for a bail bonds company, is it financially better or worse when someone skips bail?	Good and bad. Bail bonds businesses have to then hire bounty hunters to take the defendant back to jail. Most have in-house bounty hunters. Dog started the other way around, bounty hunting, then writing bail.
	In our case, at first it is worse, because then we owe the courts the money. But if the crew does catch the defendant, then it is a big + for the business. Basically legally gambling in a way, except with mace.
So your saying that bail bonds dont loan money?	You give that money to the bail bonds company, saying "Hey I'll be in court, here is my money proving I will and give you my word."
Do you the suspects just give the bail bonds company money to give to the court in there name? or do the suspects not have the required funds to get out of jail, and therefore require the assistance of a bail bonds company to get them out?
	If you skip bail, meaning you don't show up, then the bail bonds company assumes that $15,000. If you get caught and sent back to jail, that $15,000 disappears into thin air, where it came from. That $15,000 is like a bounty. Bail bonds companies hire or have their own bounty hunters, which get 10% of the bounty. So we would make $1,500 on arresting you, and also saving us $15,000.
What makes it like a loan is when the bonds company transfers that 15k to the court, or however that process works. The bonds company has to put up collateral to the courts right? Or else anyone could act like a bonds company and tell the court well if I don't show up ill pay you. What happens if I don't skip bail and just act as a normal citizen, does the bond company keep the 10%?	If you do everything right, then we still get paid from the fees and the other percentage you have to pay.
	When you post bail, you give us a certain % of the bail amount. That is how we get the money. If you skip bail, we get 10% of the bail money, plus any warrant reward if the court is the one revoking the bond, plus we get to keep any money we would have lost if we had to pay your bond if we couldn't find you.
	It is very confusing, even for me to explain. Much easier to have like an infogram.
A big thing is made on the show about how no-one escapes the dog. But in reality how successful is he? How often do people get away?	I'm not entirely sure. I know people do get away, simply because they are not that well known, and there are no leads. But the bigger the crime, usually it is easier to find the defendant.
	When filming busts, it seems like they always do get the guy/gal.
It was about 9 months ago at Keemoo's up by Schofield and then again at The Shack in Waikiki. Some of my girlfriends have said that they've seen him in Kelley's, but I haven't ran into him there.	Ehh kinda believe you, except Leland doesn't live on Oahu.
to your point of him having a girl...guys still go bar hopping and they still try to see if they have "it." Is it right? No, but it happens.	I don't believe it, Leland doesn't act like that. But you never know, just my own opinion.
How many months of the year do they work in Hawaii and Colorado?	Changes depending on how many cases and jumps they need. They set a quota for themselves to make sure they make a profit. Leland runs a second team on another island, sometimes I'll help out if he needs it.
Thanks for answering these questions. You have an awesome job btw. One day i hope to meet them but i don't think they visit Canada for appearances.	They could be, they are also thinking about the UK. Once their lives are safe again, they will start planning.
	And no problem! Yeah, I'm happy with desk work.
Once their lives are safe again. Sorry I have not been keeping up with the show, Why are their lives not safe?	Starting early in (May?), they have started receiving threats on their own lives and the lives of their children. Ever since then, it hasn't been the same. Law enforcement and even the FBI are looking into it, but the person sent these messages through the website, so it might be hard to track.
Telling someone they have to be respectful to you, when they clearly dont, is just about the best way to insure people are going to be dicks to you.	You sound just like the typical douche then.
You sound like a typical law enforcement douche.	Why not be respectful? Is there any reason not to be? If I met you randomly on the street, would I either curse you out or ask you how your day was? Respect is a 2 way street. You give to receive, and vice versa. You don't get it, you don't give it back.
Im am infantrymen getting out the Army shortly, hook a vet up for a job!	You never know! God Bless and thank you for your service brother! Aloha!
	PS: PM me your APO/FPO, maybe I'll try to get some signed stuff from Dog out to you.
You forgot: THE BOUNTY HUNTARRRR!	Ha!
Ask him when is he getting rid of the mullet.	Ha! Someone he arrested had the same mullet, and bet him $5 to shave it off together. True story! He refused, saying it is a part of his image.
$1000 is a pretty low bail, but when you have crimes that are $5,000+, that's $500 at the least you have to pay at once for the bond, and a lot of people can't afford that.	Well it works out in payments, like you do when you lease a car. The reason why Dog is so successful is because he allows so many different types of people post bail.
	And very few times have we helped out with someone whom they really believed was changed and trying to do good, and they were.
Yeah, I was letting mempachi know because he asked why you don't require people to pay up front.	Sure, no problem brother!

Last updated: 2012-06-05 07:28 UTC
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