Hi! I apologize in advance for the long post. Trigger warnings for mentions of suicide, abuse, and eating disorders (the latter will be very mild).
I (19NB) have been with my girlfriend (20F) for about two and a half years; the relationship started out really well, both of us have prior trauma and struggle with mental health but we were kind of building off of each other for a long time. I went into it very emotionally constipated and as a horrific people pleaser; she went into it very insecure and super scared of me cheating. For the first year to year and a half it was a lot of lifting each other up, she'd reassure me that she'd listen to anything I needed and I reassured her that she would never have to worry about me cheating. There was more to it as well; at least on my side, I had a really bad eating disorder and she was the driving force for me to recover (she always reassured me that she liked my body, preferred for me to be healthy and that it didn't affect her perception of me, etc), was generally really sweet to me in the day-to-day, and was honestly everything I was looking for in a partner up until that point- I'm not someone that is attracted to people based on looks at all (either asexual spectrum or due to sexual trauma when I was a child- I'm also pretty sure I'm neurodivergent but never had the ability to get diagnosed; this will be important later) but she has been the one person I can really say I find attractive. I can think people look "cool" or "interesting" but she's genuinely so beautiful to me in a way that I've never felt for anyone else before. Personality-wise as well, she seemed perfect from the get-go- we always clicked in interactions, she'd reassure me without me asking for it and was interested in everything I had to say, etc. One big thing for me in the beginning was kind of silly but I feel like it's important for me to say; she plays games a lot, and every time we'd call each other and she'd get mad at whatever she was playing she would specifically lower her voice to talk to me. She could be halfway through yelling "what the fuck" at her computer but as soon as I said something to her she'd make herself sound as comforting as possible. This was a really big thing for me; my upbringing was very rough and both of my parents are prone to fits of anger (to the point of it getting physical very often) so I get very uncomfortable when people are visibly angry towards me. This is a big reason why I struggled with people-pleasing; as soon as someone gets upset with me I feel genuine terror, so I would try to avoid it as much as possible. I brought it up once and she said she didn't even realize she did it; the fact that she knew that about me and subconsciously made sure to try not to scare me was such a huge thing I loved about her. I was very used to people taking advantage of the fact that I was bad with boundaries, etc so having her act so comforting towards me with seemingly no ill intentions made me fall really deeply for her.
All of this changed last year- mostly in the summer but it kind of all started with her sleeping through our Valentines Day date. I couldn't even name everything she did but the main theme is that she let her insecurities get ahold of her. She would get upset with me over my clothing choices (stuff like shorts and a t-shirt in summer; it felt really reminiscent to victim blaming, like I must want sex if I wear shorts), literally just having friends, she'd snap at me all the time when she was slightly frustrated over her games (remember what I said earlier), literally anything became a reason for her to get horrifically angry at me. It was around this time that I decided to look into her prior dating history more and I learned pretty quickly that she used to be a serial cheater in different relationships (although her partners were really badly abusive and they cheated first, so I didn't think of it as a dealbreaker). She stopped reassuring me or speaking to me nicely, and also had a really big issue of doing things "back" (if I did anything that made her insecure, she'd do it 10x worse instead of talking to me about it). I mentioned having a side Reddit account once (this one) and she made a private Twitter and added all of her friends onto it except for me, and didn't tell me about it, just posted screenshots of it until I put 2 and 2 together. She also got upset after finding out that the person that groomed me is a trans girl (she's a trans girl too) and would ask me questions about whether I liked her (MY GROOMER!!!!!!!!) better. She'd do this stuff and then, when questioned about it, start agreeing with me and calling herself "undateable", etc, so I'd reassure her that she wasn't and ask her to "carry" the relationship for a bit since I thought she understood my side; by this I just meant being extra nice to me for a week or so (like when dudes get in a fight with their girlfriend and buy them flowers and talk to them more sweetly for awhile, not anything crazy), but I never really got that from her. Everything came to a head when she texted me saying she "couldn't do this anymore" and sent me a bunch of screenshots of her friendgroup telling her I was "just like her exes", "a master manipulator" etc. Their main reasons for the accusations were that I was "too secretive" (which I really don't think is true; I tend to want some baseline privacy in a relationship but she didn't even allow me that much- she'd join any public Discord servers I mentioned being in and told her I'd rather she didn't join on alts, etc, and even told me the stuff she'd find me saying wasn't bad and she was happy about it) and "accuse her of cheating too much", which.. Really. My side was honestly mostly just asking for reassurance since she completely stopped giving me it, her side was literally driving me to cut off all of my friends other than four people because I was scared she'd get upset with me again and also led to feel intense guilt for talking to. This whole thing also happened within a month of both my most recent suicide attempt (I had been going through a lot) and my parents wanting to kick me out (my mom is very mentally unwell and convinced herself that I had been prostituting myself- definitely not true to any degree. It got to the point where I had someone I decided to stay with and all my bags were packed). We didn't end up breaking up at this point.
So, fast forward to this year. She stopped doing a lot of the worse behaviors directly but we've still been fighting. My dad had been getting sicker and sicker- he already was pretty bad but he refused to see a doctor because my mom convinced him doctors are evil, the government made COVID in a lab!!!!, etc. It got to the point where he was slurring all his words, hallucinating, and unable to stand, and my mom called my out-of-state uncle who called an ambulance. I was, obviously, on my uncle's side, my mom was hysterical saying that the hospital is going to kill him and I'm with them, but my dad was stable at least. It turned out he had multiple small strokes. They did bloodwork and he's HIV+. They ended up diagnosing him with AIDs and dementia.
My relationship with my dad is very, very, very complicated. He was always the "better" parent but a horrible parent on his own. He'd agree with me in private but defend my mom whenever she was in the room, and as her mental health got worse he believed everything she told him. He used to tell me he'd leave her and take me with him, that he knew she was horrible and he never wanted her to do what she did to me, etc, but he still supported her. When things got bad between us he was a perpetrator as well. More recently he stopped trying to appeal to me at all and just entirely took her side on everything. I couldn't deal with any of it- I didn't have a room for a long, long time (I think until I was 15 or 16?) but as soon as I got one I just started locking myself in all day. I love my dad, but all he ever did was disappoint me. I couldn't bear to see him let himself get destroyed by my mom, and I just kind of decided not to- so this situation has been fucking me UP. He's currently fully conscious, my uncle flew over for a bit and had to fly back since he has kids but my dad fully took my mom's side, is refusing medications, etc. My mom and my uncle have been fighting over me constantly. I don't really want to do any of this shit but I have to, because as much as my dad let me down I don't want him to die. I was in the hospital all day and night for the first few days, I had to sleep on the benches in the emergency room waiting room since my dad was in a male room and they wouldn't allow me to stay past visiting hours. I was constantly pulling aside doctors and nurses and telling them to listen to me because my mom was trying to convince them he was just in there because he was "exhausted" or "wouldn't eat enough" and constantly lying about his condition. My uncle has good intentions but he's kind of heavy handed with certain stuff; he wants me to move in with him (I want to as well but you can imagine it's a tricky situation) and he always asks me to choose a side when they fight. My mom has been trying to convince me he's a rapist- I usually try to believe victims, but she also tried to tell me that I'm a prostitute, and she's definitely not a reliable person to listen to. I'm kind of just at an in-between where I don't believe her but I can't feel fully comfortable around him either since I have some bad past experiences surrounding that kind of thing.
About four days after my dad got hospitalized (?) and about a week and a half before my 19th birthday, my girlfriend texts me to tell me she's too exhausted to be with me anymore. The main reason was that I was constantly upset between the way the relationship was going and my dad being in the hospital. We worked something out but it's just been downhill since then, I can't be upset around her over anything without her turning it into a fight (literally while I am in the middle of crying, about how I get upset too much). As for the more recent weeks, she has completely stopped giving me ANYTHING- forget reassurance, she barely says I love you anymore, responds to long text messages with one sentence, etc. Her justification for this is that she feels unsafe with me. Her reasoning for this is:

1. I have had a habit of liking posts that made her insecure. This is where the lack of looks-based attraction comes in. I tend to like posts without really thinking about it too much, and sometimes I like thirst traps without realizing, since I'm not someone that thirsts after people like that. If I see someone in a cool outfit dancing it's going to be hard for me to say "this is a thirst trap" because I'm not thinking about it like that, I'm just going to see it and think "wow, cool outfit" and like the post. Then she'll see it and get upset with me. This is something I've been working on and cut down to a large degree, but certain stuff gets past me (photoshoots with a set concept, etc). She has tried to tell me that I DO actually experience looks-based attraction, which is kind of crazy because I know what I experience so she can't convince me otherwise ??? I don't know. I've also told her to send me any post that I liked that makes her insecure so I can learn what I have to look out for better, but she doesn't really do that, and I can't really know what'll make her upset unless she tells me. This is also an issue that SHE HAS AS WELL
   
2. She looked through one of my friend's followings and found a bunch of model's accounts, and says it's disrespectful that I "hang out with porn addicts". She plays Osu and is active in the community. Also has an issue with another one of my friends that I met on a Roblox bar game (she has worded it like I was literally giving out my contact at a real life bar, which I would understand being uncomfortable with, but dude it's literally Roblox). Also considers it a huge breach of trust that I mentioned getting gender envy from a Twitter mutual (I know how chronically online all of this sounds and I'm sorry). She'll ask me "isn't that a trans girl", "are they assigned male at birth" about my friends which is kind of just crazy? I don't know. I don't have a history of serially dating trans women or anything like that other than the groomer (which I don't think should count??????????) and I used to identify as lesbian for years- most of my exes are FTM and transitioned after dating me, which also shouldn't really matter??? I just think her fixation on me cheating on her with someone that's AMAB is kind of weird and unprompted
   

So I'm at a point where any time I ask her for ANYTHING it's just met with the response of her not being comfortable with me anymore. I can't hang out with any of my friends without her looking through their whole history and finding something about them that makes me "basically a cheater" for befriending them. I had to distance myself from a very close friend because of her once because he said "it's like we're one and the same" to me, and that if we went to a shitty hangout spot he'd still enjoy it "because it's me". She tells me to this day that remembering this stuff makes her physically sick but it truly was just innocent friendly conversation- we're both South Asian, like a lot of the same games, and have issues with abusive parents so we got along really well, and that was also why he said the thing about us being similar. I've been asking her over and over what I can do to make her feel better but she won't give me an answer.
She also told me today that I was bringing up her sexual trauma and that she's currently repulsed by the idea of sex altogether- I asked her why and she said it was because of the reasons I gave above. I'm at a loss. I'm clearly very fed up with this whole thing but I still am attached to her and love her a lot, and I definitely don't think I can go through a breakup right now with everything else going on in my life, even though you could argue it's like we already broke up. I really just don't know. It's been horrible watching her go from the perfect partner to this huge ball of insecurity and I don't know how to fix it nor how to let go. I don't have a lot of options, either- I've been almost completely socially isolated since I was a middle schooler, my parents pulled me out of public school and had me doing dual enrollment community college/homeschool. I don't have a strong support system at all, I can't get a therapist, I'm not allowed to get a job, the list just goes on and on and everything kind of just points to me being fucked

I (35F) want to leave my abusive husband (32M combat veteran) so badly but I don't know the best way to do it. I'm sorry this is so long but I'm begging for help, insight, any reassurance...
He says he used to have major anger issues but I never thought he would take them out on me. He has PTSD and a traumatic brain injury which makes his moods unpredictable.
I talked to his ex two days ago and she said he shoved her once, put his hands around her neck during a flashback, and also had a gun pointed at her during a flashback. He said they were engaged but she insisted they never were. She also said he was supposed to pick her up from the airport one time but he texted back saying he couldn't, because he wasn't sure if he was going to do something bad to her.
His abuse started when we moved in together while we were still engaged. I found out he had been on Onlyfans at the beginning of our relationship and just shortly before we got married... I was angry but I downplayed it and thought I could get over it. All it did was cause massive trust issues that have never healed and never will. He was subscribed to one of his exes and he also messaged one of the girls asking to meet just shortly after I stayed the week at his place for my birthday.
I spiraled mentally once the anger phase passed (severe depression and anxiety) and told him what I saw. He tried to deny it but when I said I knew his "pictures" he caved and said he wished I never told him and punched the headboard of our bed. He's my only source of comfort so I went to him countless times telling him I was still struggling with my trust issues and worried about whether he was still looking at other women, because he is subscribed to tons of women like that on Instagram and Tiktok. I started snooping looking for any evidence I could get so I could finally convince myself to leave him.
Everytime I confronted him about what I saw he made excuses and flew into a rage at me for snooping, screamed in my face, threw objects and furniture around (including our wedding rings and he broke my engagement ring in the process), punched walls, threatened divorce, demanded me to leave, or walked out without saying where he was going which made me call the police one time to look for him. I blamed myself because I was the one snooping and I told myself how would I feel if my partner constantly snooped on me? I blamed myself for everything and still kind of do. But he says it's his fault I'm like this and he just has to deal with the consequences.
Other times he says he has changed and it's my fault for getting in my head all the time, that my lack of trust is always so hard on him, and that my depression and anxiety are constantly dragging him down even though he says he's doing everything right to make me feel better. When I come to him to talk he usually sighs or treats it like a chore.
He says he beats himself up everyday for what he did and has apologized multiple times. But I never see any true regret. He told me "everybody else gets over their problems, why can't you?" He says he went through so much worse in the military than I have ever gone through and he got over his problems, so why can't I? That I need to "unfuck" myself and "everybody has depression."
One day when he came home I was feeling very low but he was in a bad mood already and he came at me, screaming that he's getting tired of me always being down and threatened divorce. I asked if he hated me and he looked at me and said in a really frightening way "if I hated you you'd be dead." That crushed me. Another time I got mad and said I was this way because of what he did to break my trust and he screamed at me multiple times to STFU, "waaah waaah waaaah you're always a Debbie downer" and threw in my face "you have no friends." He said he was done with the marriage but I talked him into staying because he has me so convinced the problem is me.
Other things... rough/forceful/demeaning sex... always saying "fuck you baby" in a cutesy way as a way to interact when we're doing our own things separately... slamming a controller down on my knee accidentally because he flew into a rage over losing a game... continuing to yell and saying he wasn't allowed to express anger even when I said it was scaring me... telling me once "I don't THINK I'd ever hurt you" (physically)... almost never helping with house chores and shopping... using me for money even though he makes more than I do with his disability payments... insulting my mother who helps us financially... trying to kick my cat one night when he couldn't sleep.
He's always so mean and critical of complete strangers when we go out and he acts like a macho narcissist who has everything figured out and he knows the right way about everything, like someone who is super opinionated to an obnoxious extent.
There's more but this is the worst of it all.
I read Lundy Bancroft's book asking myself if he's really that bad because 90% of the time he's good and loving. I know what I'm involved in and I know how much I've trauma bonded with him. But I've reached the point where I wake up every day in panic and despair knowing I'm still here and I want to get out. I already tried to leave before with a go bag and my cat but he talked me back. Some days I still try to convince myself the good times are worth staying for because I'm exhausted and I just want a good day for once. I've been miserable for months but I'm a pressure cooker now just waiting to blow. I'm falling apart.
I know I'm going to talk to a divorce lawyer and at least see if I have a case to have him evicted through a PFA. In that case he would be moving back in with his dad but he'd be close by. I could get the locks changed but I wouldn't put it past him to stalk me and try to hurt me (PFA or not -- he is suicidal anyway and has a lot of contempt for laws and the police), vandalize my car, or try to break into the apartment to hurt me or my cat. I don't even know if I would still be happy here where all these bad memories happened. And I wouldn't feel safe for myself or my cat everytime if I left the apartment.
The only other option is moving back in with my alcoholic narcissistic mother (my abusive alcoholic scizophrenic brother lives with her too) who doesn't know how to provide emotional support and hasn't been supportive at all throughout this marriage except financially. I would have to live in her garage, trust her not to let my cat loose if I go out, and make multiple trips back to my abusive husband still in the apartment to get all my belongings and furniture. He doesn't work, he's on school break now for summer so he's always here. I know I can get a police escort but they're not going to wait around for me to pack up the entire place. Almost everything is mine.
My husband might even just volunteer to leave and move back in with his dad like he has done before. I might not even need a PFA. I'm more afraid he'll try to hurt me if I actually get one versus if he just left by himself. I also don't know if he would offer to leave then just try to come back and hurt me before I could get the locks changed. The landlords constantly ignore the residents so I'd have to wait days or weeks for a lock change. Our lease ends next March.
I don't know what to do. All I want is to be by myself again with my cat in a safe place and it seems like no place and no escape plan I can come up with is entirely safe or secure. I'm at a loss but I can't keep living like this.

Load order

FalloutNV.esm
DeadMoney.esm
HonestHearts.esm
OldWorldBlues.esm
LonesomeRoad.esm
GunRunnersArsenal.esm
Fallout3.esm
Anchorage.esm
ThePitt.esm
BrokenSteel.esm
PointLookout.esm
Zeta.esm
CaravanPack.esm
ClassicPack.esm
MercenaryPack.esm
TribalPack.esm
NavmeshOverhaul.esm
TaleOfTwoWastelands.esm
YUPTTW.esm
Vanilla Enhancements.esm
Main And Pause Menus Overhaul.esm
Uncut Wasteland.esp
Rebuild the Capital.esm
Functional Post Game Ending.esm
TTW Reputations.esm
MoreMojave.esm
SSTIndustrializedSloan.esm
TLD_Travelers.esm
AWorldOfPainFO3.esm
Regulators.esm
SSTGroundedRangerStationCharlie.esm
A World of Pain Revised.esm
Sweet Pain NV.esm
A Trail of Crumbs.esm
TTW New Vegas Speech Checks.esm
Home and Safehouse Tweaks.esm
mil.esp
Functional Post Game Ending - TTW Patch.esm
TweaksTTW.esm
Tactapack.esp
mil_Add-On.esp
Bad Touch.esm
[RWM]-Complete.esm
RtC-Hotpatch.esm
DYNAVISION 3.esm
Home and Safehouse Tweaks - TTW Addon.esm
Impostors and LOD Flicker Fix.esp
TTW FaceGen Fix.esp
MigSpeedFix.esp
The Mod Configuration Menu.esp
Vanilla UI Plus.esp
FOVSlider.esp
Power Armor Holo Panel.esp
PipBoyUITweaks.esp
ItemCards.esp
3DGrenadeIndicator.esp
QuickSelect.esp
JustAssortedMods.esp
TTW Ultimate Invisible Wall Remover.esp
TTW Dialogue and Interactions Expansion Overhaul.esp
Root 'n Loot.esp
Casino Exchange All.esp
Rebuild the Capital - No Pony Express Boxes.esp
TTWZetaRewards.esp
JIP Companions Command & Control.esp
MigArmorDegen.esp
WeaponRequirementSystem.esp
ImmersiveRecoil.esp
DynamicWeaponSpread.esp
DWS_JAM_patch.esp
Reload Reloaded.esp
DynamicDetectionSystem.esp
Supplemental Ammo Crafting.esp
Enhanced Movement.esp
S6S Perks.esp
ATMOS Ambient Overhaul.esp
New Blood.esp
S6S Base Game Perks Redux.esp
S6S Base Game Perks Redux TTW Side.esp
Friends With Benefits Perk Pack.esp
SP TTW Patch.esp
MMAWOP Patch.esp
GRA Scavenger Hunt Balanced NVSE.esp
Titans of The New West.esp
Titans of The New West - Power Armor Sprint JAM.esp
S6S Ingestibles NO DLC.esp
SSTMojaveOutpostSecurityBooths.esp
AfterglowNeonIllumination.esp
Aid Addon.esp
AK112.esp
B42Dropmag.esp
B42Inspect.esp
B42Bash.esp
B42Descriptions.esp
Player Headtracking.esp
B42Inertia.esp
B42Retrievables.esp
B42 RWMS.esp
New Blood TTW Patch.esp
Natural Interior.esp
TestHK33.esp
NVRA - Uzi.esp
M1C.esp
LaserRifleReplacer.esp
127 SMG Rebirth.esp
JSRS.esp
CharacterKitRemake-Hair.esp
Interior Rain.esp
Interior Rain - TTW.esp
CharacterKitRemakeHHandsFix.esp
RtC-RootnLoot.esp
RtC-TrailofCrumbs.esp
NewVegasQuickStart.esp
JustHitMarker.esp
JustHitIndicator.esp
JustHoldBreath.esp
JustLootMenu.esp
JustBulletTime.esp
JustDynamicCrosshair.esp
Casino Bets - Jackpot Limit and Chips Exchange v1.2.esp
10YearPack.esp
T60Pistol.esp
GhoulPistol.esp
dD - R.B.E.T Main NV.esp
dD - Enhanced Blood Main NV.esp
MCPipBoy2000MK6_clock.esp
HeadShotSplatter.esp
Atmospheric Lighting Tweaks TTW.esp
ATMOS Ambient Overhaul Patch - Atmospheric Lighting Tweaks.esp
FNVLODGen.esp
DNWeathers.esp
RTC-DNWeathers.esp
NeutralWeathers_TTW.esp
Realism Redux.esp
Mod list
+DYNAVISION 3 - Total Visual Enhancement
-Dusty Distance Redone
+Desert Natural Realism - Redux
+Blood Trails - ESPLess
+FNVLODGen
+OneTweak for FNV
+The Mod Configuration Menu-Quickfix
+Neutral Weathers - DNW for NVR - NV - TTW
+New Vegas Quick Start
+Natural Interiors
+3D Rain
+Interior Rain
+Interior Rain-Main
+Longer Weather Transitions ESPless
+Simple Total Fog Remover - NVSE
+NillaPlus MIRROR MIRROR 4K 2K 1K
+Real Time Reflections - NVSE
+Atmospheric Lighting Tweaks (Interior Lighting for FNV and TTW)
+Flags HD
+Desert Natural Weathers - NV - TTW
+NillaPlus Crate Expectations 4K (large metal shipping containers)
+NillaPlus Howitz Started--Howitz Going 4K (Nellis artillery)
+NV Compatibility Skeleton
+Fabulous New Vegas-Smile
+Fabulous New Vegas
+10 Year Anniversary Celebration Pack
+Red Rock Canyon Sign HD retexture
+Feral Ghoul Retexture by Koldorn
+Super Mutants HD - 4k Retextures
+TTW Billboards Upscaled Pretty Good HD
+Billboards HD Remade
+NewVegasReloaded
+HQ Freeside Shop Signs
+Goodsprings Sign
+Cottonwood Cove Sign
+Medical Clinic sign
+Strip and Freeside Signs HD Overhaul
-Signs HD - Honest Hearts
+UTI (Upscaled Texture Improvement) - Old World Blues DLC
+UTI (Upscaled Texture Improvement) - Honest Hearts DLC
+UTI (Upscaled Texture Improvement) - Gun Runner's Arsenal DLC
+UTI (Upscaled Texture Improvement) - Lonesome Road DLC
+UTI (Upscaled Texture Improvement) - DLC Projectiles
+UTI (Upscaled Texture Improvement) - Projectiles
+Headshot Splatter
+Explosions Ignore Line of Sight - ESPless
+EXE - Effect teXtures Enhanced
+ETJ Realistic Enhanced Blood Textures
+Enhanced Blood Textures for NV v2_22c
+UTI (Upscaled Texture Improvement) - Decals and Impacts
+Rivet City Signs HD (TTW)
+Paradise Falls HD (TTW)
+Megaton Signs HD (TTW)
+Sunset Sarsaparilla HD
+Hoover Dam Signs HD
+HD Signs Overhaul - Part 3
+HD Signs Overhaul - Part 2
+Street Signs HD Overhaul
+HQ Upscaled posters - Part 2
+Posters HD Remade
+Various Signs HD
+Casino Posters and Signs HD
+Robots HD
+Creatures HD
+Blue metal door retexture
+NillaPlus Wood (Please be mature in the comme
+Honest Barks (new bark textures for maple cedar mesquite and burnt trees)
+Random Stuff HD
+Unique Journals
+Unique Books
+NillaPlus Rebar McEntire (4K 2K 1K)
+Afterglow -- Neon illumination
+TTW - Megaton Signs Redone
+FNV TTW AIO - Interface Upscaled
+White Horsenettle HD
+Clocks HD
+Food HD
+Broc Flower HD
+Xander Root HD
+Vanilla Graffiti Redone
+Great Khans Graffiti Redone
+FNV-TTW Graffiti Redone
+NillaPlus Vault Doors 4K (FNV - TTW)
-Legacy Reborn - Quality Edition
+Contrasted LOD Noise Texture
+Impostors and LOD Flicker Fix
+Simply Upscaled Grass
+Mobile Pip-Boy Light - NVSE
+Pip-Boy 2000
-Visuals_separator
-ExRB - Extended Roombounds
+Collision Meshes
+TTW Ultimate Invisible Wall Remover
+JSRS Sound Mod 2.0
+ATMOS Ambience Overhaul - Atmospheric Lighting Tweaks Patch
+ATMOS Ambience Overhaul-main
+ATMOS Ambience Overhaul
+Sound Extender
-Optimizations_separator
+Aid Addon - Medkits - Blood Draw - Bandages - Afterburner Gum - More
+New Blood
+Sweet Consumables
-Hardcore_separator
+HQ Ranger Hat
+Titans of The New West
+Lily Outfit HD
+Clothes HD - Kids
+Clothes HD - Unique
+Clothes HD - Brotherhood
+Clothes HD - Powder Gangers
+Clothes HD - Doctors
+Clothes HD - Gamblers
+Courier Duster HQ 4K
+Clothes HD - Prewar
+Clothes HD - Kings
+Clothes HD - Workers
+Clothes HD - Wasteland
+Physically Based Rangers
+Glowing Ranger Visors
-Armor_separator
+New Vegas Animation Overhaul Guns
+M1 Carbine (KNVSE)
+FNV Clean Animations - Auto-Axe
+FNV Clean Animation Sets - Laser Rifle
+FNV Clean Animation Sets - Grenade Rifle-Main
+FNV Clean Animations - Explosive Mines Pack
+FNV Clean Animations - Grenades Pack
+Assume the Position - An Unarmed Animation Overhaul - Part 1
+FNV Clean Animations - Minigun
+FNV Clean Animation Sets - Grenade Rifle
+FNV Clean Animations - Throwing Weapons Pack
+FNV Clean Animations - Ripper
+FNV Clean Animations - Fat Man
+FNV Clean Animations - Grenade Rifle Redux
+FNV Clean Animations - Alien Disintegrator
+FNV Clean Animations - Grenade APW
+FNV Clean Animations - Incinerator
+FNV Clean Animations - Rock-It Launcher
+FNV Clean Animations - Missile Launcher
+Butcher Pete Complete - A Melee Animation Overhaul
+Wasteland Warrior - A Melee Animation Overhaul
+Laser Pistol 3rd Person Latch animation fix
+Grenade Launcher - 3rd person bug fix
+No Reload Cancelling
+Hit - Anti-Materiel Rifle Anim Set
+Hit - B42 Interact Skinning-Human
+Hit - B42 Interact Skinning
+B42 Weapon Inertia
+Retrievable Throwables Reforged
+MadAce's Ragdoll compatibility patch
+Player Headtracking
+B42 Melee Bash
+B42 Inspect - aka Animated Ammo and Weapon Condition Checking
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I (30M) went to a small party of friends this weekend with my GF (26F). We've been together for almost a year and I've avoided speaking to any exes and didn't expect someone I'd slept with previously to be there (28F), but I'd met them because of mutual friends who'd suggested we'd be compatible. Things ended amicably enough, she'd been going through some things and moved out of town. My GF was doing her best to interact with people throughout the night and is an introvert with some social awkwardness so said a couple odd things that put people off. She became pretty quiet and I was trying to get her to have a good time but she wasn't really interacting. We were sitting near the bonfire and my ex sat near my GF and started talking with my friend who I'd been talking with for a few minutes. Eventually she started talking with me and I replied, had a couple laughs at specific things she said and was pleasant and non flirtatious. I have no interest in her now and she lives elsewhere so there's nothing there. She said something pointed before she left that may have been to make my GF aware she and I had slept together. It wasn't obvious but raised questions. Anyhow we hung out another hour with friends, my GF kinda just there, and in the Uber home she asked if I'd slept with that girl. I told her that yes, she and I had slept together but hadn't had anything serious, and I was surprised she was there. She was mad I didn't warn her and says it was abusive of me to speak to my ex like I had. She is threatening to break up with me over this and I just thought I was making polite conversation. Is this type of thing abusive? I understand why she's hurt, I could've told her that my ex was there when I noticed even if I'd not expected it. I'm just confused. AITAH?

I don't know how to start it…
I was really excited to start college with my friend and it felt that we were going to make many new memories together, the typical usual stuff. Before I start to tell this story I just want to say I made a lot of hasty decisions by deciding to take too many units as well as do so many extracurriculars. I still feel so burnt out from that first quarter even though I am practically doing the same thing. They decided to make the rule of not really eating in the room when I was in the middle of eating my chips and it felt really awkward. We also had different views of cleanliness which is understandable, but then they made me search for a vacuum cleaner and then they decided to get frustrated and whisper how messy the floor was even though there were just a few crumbs on the floor.
I hung out a lot with other friends that I had made and did all of these different extracurriculars but I still tried to catch up with them whenever I did not come back to my room so late. We started drifting apart by the week and I will say there was another incident where my caffeine and half asleep self went to my (8am) and one suitemate and their friend were sitting a few seats down and i was staring off into space but at them at the same time so I got scared when they waved at me because I thought they were mad at me for staring too long. I tried to apologize to them by explaining to them I didn't mean to ignore them but I was too sleepy but they had already made up their mind about me.
Later on, right before a final of mine we were all in the lounge and we were talking about exes and an ex of mine tried to do something horrible to me and the police almost had to get involved and without any hesitation my roommate tried to mention this in front of one of our suitemates. It felt like a stab because I never gave them permission to talk about it and the worst part is that I had told them that I was about to take a final and they still chose to try to overshare. That solidified the distance between us because I had to stop them before they could overshare even more and to me our suitemate was almost a stranger.
Later on, I would spend less time in the room and our suitemates would talk to me less and less. One day I invited a friend over and I asked the suitemate if we could share the communal lounge out of courtesy and they basically said no and kicked me out even though I had barely interacted with them. The worst part of that entire experience was probably the babying while everyone else on our floor could be normal college students with social lifes that consisted of drinking or going to parties. Just the mention of me doing it got me a scolding from my roommate saying how it was bad. Our other roommate even came in all drunk which to me was fun and funny since it is part of the college experience and they received a pass since they were not me. I was really sick and tired of the double standards and I decided to finally ask for a room switch out of desperation. My roommate decided to keep reminding me of my ex by coming into the room and stating the fact that they would see them and it was the same ex who did that to me a few years back and it made me feel like s***. Not only that but they would talk in Spanish as we were all in the room (triple) and our other roommate did not understand Spanish and they would say how they will never request anyone again because “they would end up disliking them” and just be disrespectful. Keep in mind that I was still trying to handle all of my academic and extracurricular activities. The worst part of it all was the fact that they would rather stand there in a creepy way behind the door of my closet than to say excuse me, (they would stand there for five minutes or more).There was another incident that I forgot to mention where I forgot to take the trash out and many flies came into the room and both of my roommates wanted to talk to me which I felt really badly about. I had a conversation with both of them saying how I want them to both feel safe and comfortable in the room, and how I do not want them to feel uncomfortable because of my uncleanliness which is why I would improve my cleaning habits and it would not be an issue again. I also reminded them that if they had an issue with me that they could talk to me as I was currently talking to them about a boundary I had.
The thing that really bothered me was the fact that they ignored my messages until I posted that I was having a fun time with my family and that is when they decided to message back and saying “that they wanted to talk and that our other roommate was PISSED at me”.
I decided to use the opportunity to ask them to not talk about my ex anymore. It really hurt when I asked them not to mention a person who hurt me really badly in the past and they could not even do that without getting even more upset at me.
FINALLY, I got the email stating that I could switch rooms, and I did immediately. I have loyal friends who even carried a whole fridge for me across campus and I will forever be grateful for them trying to do their best to get me out of that situation.
I bumped into the suitemate and my former roommate who i did not see clearly due to me not wanting to wear my glasses and one of them waved at me mockingly, it has been months since i moved out and they still want to be rude and weird. I am honestly, really exhausted overall and it is really sad how I want to be at peace but it is almost impossible for me to find peace when I keep bumping into people who have hurt me a lot and who still continue to be disrespectful.

I (21F) met this great guy (25M) while at college. He and I have a lot in common, I like his character and communication, and he’s also very attractive. He had told me upfront when we first started dating that he was close friends with one of his exes, and I trusted that he would understand boundaries within the relationship. While I’m not close with any of my exes, I am still friends with some of them and spend time with them occasionally so it didn’t bother me.
We recently became official and he invited me to his graduation party for his masters program so that I could meet his family. He also invited the ex, and had asked me if I was comfortable with her staying at his place along with some of his brothers so they wouldn’t need to purchase accommodation. He has a studio apartment and since I thought the sleeping arrangements would be uncomfortable I suggested that his friends and family find other accommodation. He said okay and communicated this to everyone, and they purchased an airbnb.
Fast forward to the weekend of the party. Friends(including ex) and family are all flying in from the same city which was experiencing inclement weather, causing everyone’s flight to be delayed, and then people had trouble checking into the airbnb accommodations. Ex and brothers end up staying at his place while I am staying at my place for the weekend. Moreover, the family had an early morning flight on Sunday due to work obligations while the ex was staying until Monday afternoon. This led to the ex and him staying at his place alone for a couple of nights. On top of this, the ex was present while I was meeting much of his family for the first time. While I didn’t really see much of an issue with this initially, I’m starting to think that his family members were comparing us to each other, and since they know her much better than me I don’t think it bodes well for how they view me. I’m younger than she is so I also wonder how this factors in. Tbh while I don’t like how the situation turned out I’m not really mad at anybody because there were factors at play that were not in anyone’s control. That being said, I can’t change anybody’s first impression of me and I’m not sure how this will impact the relationship. Like I said, the guy is great and I trust him fully - but I also know that he has been much closer to his ex than the level of intimacy that he and I have reached in our relationship, and that his family is probably aware of that and may not view me in the best light after subconsciously comparing us throughout the celebration. I don’t really think I’m in the wrong here for considering descaling or ending the relationship but I really wanted to see what y’all thought.
TLDR: my bf is close with his ex and we recently all hung out with his family and friends where I was meeting many of them for the first time. The interaction made me consider where I stand in his life and question whether or not I should continue the relationship.

ive recently started seeing someone after being friends with them for a few years. My last relationship—my ex was bpd and he also cheated and was quite emotionally abusive etc.
This girl im seeing now has bpd and adhd but I only knew of the bpd very vaguely and only officially found out about it recently. Shes had a lot more therapy and self awareness but there are still brief moments where it can get bad but nowhere near as bad as my ex. Im not sure how most people Ive interacted with have come out to be bpd but thats besides the point.
The thing im struggling with now is shes honestly brought up her exes a lot, and also my ex, and just past situations. I honestly don’t mind hearing briefly about past experiences but its to a point where it actually bothers me a bit. She’ll send me tik toks of like things people do in bad relationships and she’ll say like “this happened to me a lot” (in this situation i was somehow supposed to know she was “talking about her friend”, but this wouldnt be the first time she sent a tik tok like this) or she’ll bring up something her ex did that upset her in the past like, she brought up her exes not showing her off, and idk why because she brought it up right after I posted her, and she was super upset about how her past relationships always hid her and made her feel like trash because she is trans and she got mad at me for being concerned about her saying that thing about her exes and claimed that i dont care to hear about her problems in being trans. Obviously I do care but it felt a bit concerning for her to be venting to her gf about how her exes would hide her but idk
Ive only talked about my ex to her when she’s brought it up because my ex and her briefly talked a couple times so she knew what a dick he was and she hates him but i try not to being him up or think of him. Shes stopped for now but I just hate that she kept making it a conversation . Granted my relationship was pretty abusive so ive only talked about it when relevant or if shes asks but that was like a couple times compared to her many.
She will be like “i dont like talking about my ex i feel nothing for her etc” but then will bring up that her ex did something, or has fears that her ex will come back and I feel like shes not really over her ex. It just gives me “not over it” vibes. Her ex added her snapchat a few weeks ago randomly and my gf said her ex randomly liked a photo of her in some group chat shes still in with a bunch of people. If her ex were to want her back again rn i dont know if she’d still be with me. Am i being an idiot or are these things actually a bit concerning?
update: i talked to her calmly, stating my boundary of wanting to talk to exes less frequently and she got pretty defensive, flipped it on me a bit and was insulted i had even an inkling of the idea shes not over her exes, but then she kind if backtracked and its weird. she apologized but im just getting bad feelings. [Edited for better context]

Hey all, I'm struggling right now and I could use some support. Being autistic and dating allistic people is really hard. It's caused me a lot of pain and I don't know how to deal with it. The main reason I'm posting here is to complain about people getting mad at me for not anticipating their needs when I didn't know they had them. I'm so fucking tired of that, especially when it comes from people who already know I'm autistic.
I'm going to be vague here because I don't want to get into the details, but my ex girlfriend and I recently got into a fight about me not being faster to take some actions to separate our lives after our breakup (e.g. moving some items out of the apartment we had lived in together and she is now staying in). That's fine and her feelings make sense, but she didn't make it clear to me how important this was to her until after she had already build up enough anger over it to explode at me. And when I told her I didn't realize how important it was and I can't anticipate other people's needs unless they're communicated to me, I got told that it should have been obvious. Well, things that are obvious to other people aren't obvious to me. I'm autistic and she knows that.
Idk. I feel like even people who are generally informed around disability struggle to understand and respect the ways that autism affects us. I hate being treated like an asshole for not knowing things that weren't communicated to me. I'm constantly positioned to seem like the asshole, and the people who should know better always get to be the good guy hurt by that selfish bitch (me). It makes me feel really bad about myself.
I just need someone here to tell me that my feelings are valid and that this kind of experience sucks. And I mean that in a general sense; I'm not looking for validation around this specific interaction with my ex, because I haven't given enough information or context for that to be fair.
I don't know how to deal with this in dating in the future. This kind of argument was really common between me and my ex (and with other previous exes, tbh), and it makes me feel like there's no hope to ever have a functional relationship with someone unless I happen to meet another autistic woman who would understand my perspective.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/HolidayGourmetTurkey
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I just found out why my boyfriend never holds my toddler niece
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: death of a loved one, anger issues, self-harm, extensive trauma
Original Post: December 29, 2023
Sorry, this is gonna be a long one.
I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (28M, Jay) for 5 years.
We’ve both been very close with each other’s families, and we’ve even talked about marriage. However, one touchy subject is children. Whenever we discuss it, he gets kinda stand-offish. He doesn’t really dismiss the idea though, it’s just that he doesn’t seem invested. I’ve always wanted kids, and he just always says he’s fine with whatever makes me happy. Ever since, I’ve been content with this situation.
However, things escalated during this holiday season.
Our setup has always been that Jay spends Christmas Eve and dinner with my family, then I spend Christmas Day with his family. This was the first Christmas I’ll spend with my first and only niece (2F, Ana, she spent her first Christmas in the hospital due to her health condition, but she’s okay now), so I made sure to spend a lot of time with her. We played a lot, we opened gifts together, and I even reenacted Ana’s favorite storybook using her favorite doll. We even had matching outfits!
My sister (30F, Amy) thanked me for giving her and her husband some relief from childcare the entire day. However, Amy also said she noticed that Jay, who was just either sitting on the couch watching me or helping my mom with the dishes, was kinda distant with Ana. I told her I’ve also noticed that before, and I just chalked it up to maybe Jay was hesitant and awkward to play with Ana because he feels he’s “just my boyfriend.” Then Amy said she won’t mind, since she and her husband already treat Jay as part of our family.
I then went back to Jay and encouraged him to play with Ana and help us set up her new dollhouse, but he said he’s not feeling too well. He ended up drinking a few more beers and stayed on the porch by himself, scrolling on his phone. I didn’t press harder and thought he might really just be feeling under the weather. I just want to add for context that Jay isn’t an alcoholic. He’s a sweet, wonderful, funny man who’s sometimes broody and deep in thought, but he’s never abusive, manipulative, or moody, and he only drinks on special occasions.
The next day, on Christmas Day, we had lunch with Jay’s family. Afterward, I volunteered for cleanup to help Jay’s mom (62F, Mary) and brother (31M, John). Jay’s family was the best any significant other could ever ask for. They’re very sweet and supportive of us, but they’re never prying. They always check up on us, but they never overstep. So, as we were cleaning up, Mary asked me how my sister’s baby was (they helped with the bills when Ana was hospitalized last year). I told them that Ana’s in great condition now, and that she already spent the Christmas at home. They were very delighted upon hearing this.
Then, I shared with them the thing I noticed about Jay. Initially, I thought maybe Mary could just give me advice on how to approach the issue with Jay since he’s clearly not the playing-with-kids kind of guy, but then John casually said something like “Oh, because of Rosie,” then Mary quickly shushed him. Rosie was the daughter of Jay and John’s eldest sister, Beth (35F). I never knew the actual details because everyone was very secretive about it, but all I knew was that Rosie passed away when she was just 3 years old and Beth and her husband moved away afterward. I never met them in person.
So, later that night, when Mary, John, and the other family members got a bit more drunk and Jay was already sleeping in the bedroom, they told me the story (I didn’t force them or anything). Apparently, Jay, being the youngest of the siblings, was really close with Rosie back then. Jay was just around 14 years old when Rosie was born, so he became the super fun uncle (like I am now with Ana). He was actually Rosie’s best friend. Then, on summer of 2012, Jay was playing with Rosie outside (he was blowing bubbles and she was chasing and popping them) when a speeding car, driven by a woman who was distracted on her phone, skidded into the yard toward Rosie’s direction. Jay reacted quickly and was able to reach and grab Rosie so the car actually hit him, but the impact of the crash caused Rosie’s head to whiplash as Jay hugged her. Jay was in a coma for 3 days and had multiple severe injuries and internal bleeding, but Rosie didn’t make it.
Everything was caught by the neighbor’s CCTV so everyone knew that Jay was a hero for trying to protect Rosie (it was even covered by the local news), but Beth, who was understandably in grief, resented Jay for not being able to save her daughter. Beth and her husband then decided to move to another country to cope with their grief and start a new life, and they’ve had minimal contact with the family ever since. Jay, meanwhile, took the loss really hard. He blamed himself for not being able to save Rosie and not being able to attend her funeral since he was still at the hospital at that time. Mary said that Jay was never the same after that. He never went near kids, and he became a lot colder, quieter, more reserved, and antisocial. He also had anger issues, but it thankfully went away (I haven't had any issues with this). We also live in an area where people don’t believe in therapy, so Jay never received professional help.
After learning all of this, I bawled my eyes out because I never knew Jay was carrying such a heavy burden. The whole incident became a taboo family secret that no one mentions in fear of Jay breaking down or doing something he might regret (although to be fair, he’s never had violent or self-harm tendencies ever since, so this was just a precaution). They also never told me before because they assumed Jay would be the one to tell me, but I told them that he never did, and that I never really asked him. I then thanked everyone for letting me in on this, and I told them that I’d talk to Jay about it when the time is right. They understood, and they said I could just ring them up if I need help or support in any way. For now, I just want Jay to enjoy the holidays and his remaining vacation days from work.
Now, I don’t really know how to start with him. I know seeking professional help to process all the trauma and grief, even if it’s been over a decade ago, would be the top priority, but I don’t know how to bring it up to him. I don’t even know when is the right time to bring it up. I just want him to know that I love him no matter what, and that I’ll support him in every step toward his healing, especially if we’re to form a family of our own.
Relevant Comments
lovinglifeatmyage: Jay is amazing, what a shame his sister blamed him, but I guess that’s what grief does to you.
I hope he gets the therapy he needs

OOP: From what I gathered from Jay's family, Beth never really voiced out that she blamed Jay for Rosie's passing. However, she became cold toward him to the point of almost ignoring him during family gatherings before they moved. Of course, everyone knew what it was all about.

CynicallyCyn: Holy crap I think we were all thinking that he had the worst intentions in the beginning. But that couldn’t be more wrong. This man was a hero and unfortunately his family has turned it into a dirty secret. I feel for you both so much. I don’t really have any advice. I just want you to know that you are both incredible people and I hope your love finds a way and you’re able to raise a beautiful family together, if you choose.

OOP: It's really sad how the family handled it, but I can't really blame them because I grew up in the same area. We live in a provincial, non-progressive city, and their family even lives in a more rural community where everyone knows everyone. If there's any "scandal" that potentially tarnishes the family name, it's swept under the rug.
I guess the "heroic" part of the story is something the family could have been proud of, but the trauma, anger issues, lashing out, and antisocial behavior that Jay developed, as well as how Beth left the community afterward outweighed everything, so the entire thing just became the family's dirty secret.

FruitcakeAndCrumb: She died as he was hugging her, I. Can't imagine the grief he went through.

OOP: That's also something bothering me a lot. Of course, I'm just assuming here, but knowing how much of an overthinker Jay is who hyperfixates on what ifs, I know he has replayed that moment in his head a million times, overanalyzing every little detail.
One of the worst things he could possibly be thinking is that maybe he was the one who killed Rosie, because it was the whiplash and not the actual crash that impacted her the most. It's bad enough that he lost his niece and best friend, but for her to die in his arms and thinking that it was him who might've accidentally killed her instead of saving her is absolutely horrible.
That's the "what if" I fear he's thinking the most. And just to be clear, no one actually blames him.

NoshameNoLies: Why are they so hard pressed on forcing him to interact with a child more than he wants to? Instead of letting him get comfortable in his own time, you're all forcing him to do it right now. I'm very uncomfortable with children but given time I'll come around, I just need to get over the anxiety and panic about hurting them by accident. If somebody and their family were this insistent I'd just be more uncomfortable.

OOP: I don't think anyone is really forcing him though. In the 2 years we've welcomed Ana into this world, no one has forced Jay to interact with her just for the sake of it. I've been interacting with Ana every time our family gets together, and Jay has been distant but fine overall, and we just let him be because it was never an issue. We all just accepted that he wasn't comfortable around kids. Also, when I was encouraging him to interact more during Christmas Eve, it was more along the lines of "Hey, you know you're welcome to help us with this dollhouse, you know? I know you're judging my lack of craftsmanship here lol"
Amy's intention of bringing this to my attention is just to make Jay feel more welcome in our family. Again, it was me who assumed that maybe Jay was just awkward with Ana because he might've felt like an outsider and he didn't want to overstep. My entire conversation with Amy was rooted more in including Jay in our family and making him feel comfortable enough.
However, given everything I've learned, I'll make sure that everyone is more sensitive with this subject around him.

 
Update: April 19, 2024 (almost 4 months later)
Hi, it’s been a while since my first post. I have some major updates for anyone interested. You may check my profile for my previous post.
Also, I took some time to organize my thoughts first to make sure I don't miss anything pertinent. It's kinda long as a lot have happened since, so I've divided this into sections to make it easier to follow.
QUICK RECAP
My boyfriend (Jay) and I have been together for 5 years. Throughout our relationship, I noticed that he's always distant with kids, including my niece, Ana. During Christmas, Jay's family revealed that it was because of an incident over a decade ago. Turns out, Jay was really close with his toddler niece, Rosie. One day, when they were playing outside, they were hit by a distracted driver. Jay tried to save Rosie. He sustained severe injuries, but Rosie still didn't make it. Beth (Rosie's mom and Jay's sister) acted cold toward Jay after this, then she and her husband moved to another country after a few months. From then on, Jay's personality changed, becoming cold and antisocial, and he never received professional help. All of this has become Jay's family's "dirty" secret.
PART 1: THE CONFESSION
Since learning about Rosie and posting here on Reddit, I’ve been so conflicted about what to do. A lot of you had opposing opinions, and all of them had merit, but knowing Jay and how he’d most likely react, I chose to keep it a secret until I find the perfect time.
What I didn’t anticipate was that the perfect time would come in the form of a pregnancy scare. Back in January, I had a false positive. Everything happened so quickly within a day. I had a rollercoaster of emotions, but bottom line was that I’m not pregnant after all. When Jay got back home that night, I knew I had to tell him everything. I told him I had a pregnancy scare, but he has nothing to worry about since it ended up being negative. At that moment, I saw all the blood drain from his face, and he became so pale that I was worried he was going to faint. I was holding his hand, and he became so sweaty and cold and shaky. He rushed to our refrigerator to get some water, and it was obvious he was spiraling really hard. That was when I told him I knew about Rosie.
I came clean because I knew that was what he was panicking about. I assured him that I’m by his side, and he could react however he wanted to. I repeatedly apologized for disrespecting his trust and lying to him for weeks. I also asked him to please not be mad at his family because they meant well when they told me. Throughout all of it, I couldn’t really read Jay’s expressions. I wasn’t sure if he was about to scream out of anger or burst into tears. I told him that we don’t have to talk about it any further if he doesn’t want to, but I’d be willing to listen and support him whenever he’s ready.
His only response that time was him asking me if I wanted to break up with him, which confused me. I told him of course not, then we hugged, then he said he needs some time to process everything before we discuss it, which I respected. For the rest of the week, we tried to interact like nothing happened, but everything was awkward since there’s this huge thing hanging between us.
PART 2: THE TALK
The following weekend (which was 8 days after), we finally sat down and talked about everything. He started by apologizing for not telling me sooner, but he revealed that his last girlfriend dumped him after he told her about Rosie. He said he was so relieved after I reassured him that I wouldn’t do that. He then told me that it was something that’s been weighing him ever since, and he’s confirmed that he never sought or received professional help. However, he said he’s very much open to doing that, but he didn’t think he’s ready yet. He also said he’s afraid to go down that path because it might release some inner demons and drag me down with him.
Another thing Jay told me was that ever since Rosie was born, he felt an instant and deep connection and a sense of responsibility for her, even when he was just a teenager that time. He said that having Rosie in his life made him realize how much he wanted to be a father when he's older. However, since the incident, he’s afraid of messing things up again, so he never really considered having kids from then on despite really wanting to do so. I then reassured him that we’re on the same page on this. Although I also want to have kids with him in the future, I don’t want to force it on him when he’s not yet ready.
He also said that whenever he sees me with Ana (my niece), he gets kinda jealous because he wants to join us every time. However, he constantly reminds himself to keep his distance just to be safe. I told him he doesn’t have to worry about that, and that he’s more than welcome to join us if he wants to. I also told him that my sister and the rest of my family actually considers him a part of our family, just to reassure him more.
Jay tried to lighten the mood by joking and saying now that I know everything about him and still didn’t break up with him, I could finally expect a proposal anytime soon. We both had a good laugh, but we agreed to wait for his recovery first before getting engaged or discussing our future family.
PART 3: BETH
During our discussion, Jay also had another heartbreaking revelation. He said that during the height of the pandemic, Beth’s husband (Brian) reached out to him. Brian said that Beth had COVID and was confined in a hospital, and that he was already running low on funds due to bills and unemployment. He also said that Beth had been almost catatonic since Rosie’s passing. She had been resistant to any outside and professional help, but she was institutionalized for about a year after a self-harming incident. For the past decade, she’d been cold, distant, and withdrawn from society.
Apparently, the rest of Jay’s family also knew about all this, but again, they just swept it under the rug. To be fair, they had been helping Brian by sending financial aid to support Beth, but their version of the story was that Beth had just gone low contact since they moved.
Also, to be very clear, Jay said that Beth never blamed him for what happened to Rosie, although he initially felt that way when he was younger. It was more of their parents interpreting and spinning things a certain way to avoid tarnishing their family’s reputation, but when Brian reached out to him directly years ago, he started to understand better. However, he still hasn’t processed everything, and he still partly blames himself for the whole thing.
PART 4: OUR CURRENT SITUATION
For now, what we’re exploring is couple’s therapy so we can discuss our mutual issues in a safe and pressure-free space, and hopefully, kind of ease him into the world of therapy. We’ve already found the perfect therapist to help us, and we’ve now had 6 sessions with her. From what I can tell, Jay seems a lot happier and less burdened. We’ve also had “homeworks” from our sessions, and Jay was even the one reminding me to do them.
Right now, I’m just hoping that he becomes ready enough to open up about Rosie so he can heal and recover from his trauma. Not for me, but for his mental and emotional well-being. No rush though, all in his own time.
Also, Jay has no social media, but I showed him the original Reddit post I made. He spent like three hours reading through all the comments. It was the first time I saw him get teary-eyed because he never expected so many people giving him support and saying kind words to him. He was extremely overwhelmed by everyone’s kindness, so we’re both grateful to all of you for that. We also saw some TikTok and YouTube versions of the story, and you bet Jay browsed through all of them. He’s still baffled why the TikTok versions have Minecraft or cooking videos in the background, but I just told him it’s a trend haha
So, there, if you've made it this far into our story, thank you for your time! I have a good feeling that Jay and I are going to be fine. We still have a lot of challenges ahead of us, but here's to hoping for the best!
EDIT: So Jay and I now kinda share this account. He might reply directly from time to time (this is his first time on Reddit, so please be kind to him. I had to explain to him what OP and a lot of the other lingo mean haha). Yeah, but we're both reading everything! Again, thank you for being so kind!
Relevant Comments
Daemon48: I hope Jay continues healing, and eventually Beth somehow gets out of the mental hole she’s in. Both them went through something horrible that no one who hasn’t been in that situation can comprehend. Thoughts for both of them

OOP: Thank you for your kind words. As for Jay, I can see that he's already making some progress, even though it's more like baby steps. Nonetheless, it is still progress. As for Beth, I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through. I just pray that she finally finds some peace eventually.

OOP on why Jay’s family chose to keep this as a secret

OOP: I won't make excuses for them. On a human, personal level, they are extremely lovely, generous, and kind people. They have welcomed me as a part of their family, and they even extended help when my sister's daughter, Ana, had congenital health problems. I have met different relatives of my exes before, and in comparison, Jay's family has been the most wonderful and welcoming.
However, I would say that they are a product of the very traditional, nonprogressive area in which we live. We are a Catholic community, and most activities revolve around our parish. Reputation is everything, yet town gossip is still very rampant. I understand that this may sound backward-thinking in our modern times, but that is the reality of our lives (I also grew up in the same area, so I fully understand their behavior).
Although I agree with you that everything that happened and how they reacted to it had been unfortunate to say the least, and Jay and Beth got the brunt of it.

OOP on how Jay’s sister, Beth, is dealing with the grief process and if she has received therapy to deal with her daughter’s death in better ways

OOP: Beth has recovered from COVID, so she's physically fine now. However, she's still mentally detached and has gone back to her almost catatonic state. Jay suggested couples therapy to Beth's husband after experiencing it firsthand, but we don't have an update on it yet.
Also, thank you so much for your insights. You said a lot of sensible things that we never knew (both Jay and I were clueless about therapy and psychology in general), so we actually learned new things from what you said. Jay says he appreciates you and is extremely grateful, and so am I!

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

So basically I’ve only been dating this girl for about a month and half. We’ve had a good relationship overall, but gotten in some arguments. Both of us are still working through some insecurities/difficulties related to past experiences in dating. She has had multiple men cheat on her or be unfaithful.
She had expressed recently that she is coming into our relationship being a bit more cautious, and less likely to sacrifice as much for our relationship as she had in past relationships, because she had learned to “love herself more”. She said that in past abusive relationships she wasn’t confident enough in herself and sacrificed too much without thinking of herself. Because of this, she less willing to put up with bumps in the road in this relationship, if they cause her too much difficulty. I think she used to put up with a lot for the sake of staying together with her exes, and doesn’t want to anymore. I totally understand that, and I mostly agree with her sentiment.
Recently we had gotten in an argument. It was an issue which was pretty easily dealt with, and we’ve totally worked it out now. However, I was on her phone the other day while helping her fill out some paperwork online. She got a text from her Dad and I went to check it for her. While in her messages, I saw some things that kinda upset me. Essentially she had recently messaged two different guys that she had slept with a few months ago, before she had met me.
The messages were very superficial. The first guy she just sent a song to him and asked him how he was doing. The other guy she commented on some food he had made for dinner and said it looked good. She did not reply to either of them when they responded so the conversations were short.
I brought it up with her, and was a bit emotional and upset, but not angry or accusatory. She responded back somewhat angrily and said “it’s just little nothing conversations, if you want I can just delete their numbers if it bothers you”. She said if that was a boundary for me, she wouldn’t cross it anymore.
This by itself seems like almost nothing, but it’s a combination of factors that makes me have some doubts: when we first started dating she talked non-stop about her recent ex. It was mostly negative (how bad and shitty he was), but what struck me the most was HOW MUCH she talked about it. It was almost constant; she brought him up literally every time we hung out. She clearly was thinking about him A LOT. I finally had to tell her to stop because it was uncomfortable. I didn’t want to just sit there and talk about her ex when she was a girl who I had just met and was trying to connect with. The early part of a relationship should be about us….. not her and her last partner. That’s what I thought anyway.
The other thing that raised a red flag was the fact that she almost immediately started questioning me about being unfaithful (not necessarily accusing, but she was clearly upset). On the second date, she saw that I had tinder on my phone and assumed that I was talking to other girls. I wasn’t. I immediately reassured her that I literally never used the app, and I just hadn’t gotten a chance to delete it yet. On the third trip we took together, she got very upset over me scrolling on instagram and coming across some pictures of models. I was literally just scrolling and barely paid it any mind, but she was upset. The third time, she thought she saw a notification on my phone that I “interacted” with some random female on TikTok. Once again I barely knew what she was talking about (I barely use TikTok), and had to reassure her I was talking to any other girls.
While all this is going on, she had told me multiple times that dudes would hit her up on Snapchat and other social media trying to flirt with her. I never asked about it…. she would just repeatedly bring it up. She is a very open and blunt person and lacks a filter sometimes, so it’s normal for her to tell me that type of thing, but I honestly didn’t care and didn’t want to know anyway. I know she wasn’t actually talking to any of them, but it almost came across as if she liked the attention.
I brought up to her what I was feeling. I said it felt pretty hypocritical for her to be constantly worried about my loyalty and that I might be talking to other girls, but meanwhile she accepted compliments from random men on Snapchat and still sometimes talks to 2 men that she had recently (within the past 6 months) slept with.
None of these things by themselves would be particularly alarming, but all these things taken together as a whole, that concerns me. She seems to have an excessive amount of baggage, and shows very little trust sometimes. I worry that she does these things because she assumes that I am also doing them, when in fact I’m not. I have never talked to any former lovers since of met her; I’ve never chatted with any girls online. I’ve also hardly ever talked about my recent ex…. Overall she seems nonchalant and somewhat dismissive of my concerns. She is understanding, and says that she will respect my boundaries, but her overall tone when I brought up the texts was that she didn’t think my concerns were valid. She said she is just lighthearted friends with those two guys she had messaged, and that I had “nothing to worry about.”
She seems to really love me. She is enthusiastic about our relationship and puts in effort. She says she wants things to work between us, and that she likes me a lot. She treats me right. But these other things, the hypocrisy in her behavior, is concerning to me. I do not think she has actually done anything deceitful, but I worry that if we ever get mad at each other or if she starts being too paranoid, that she will do something to hurt me and cheat or something. All because of things that have nothing to do with me, but came from men in her past. It seems so unfair that I have to deal with these issues, when I never caused them in the first place.

An error occurs while using Newk for Deadline, but I can't find a solution. How to solve this?
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Error

Error: FailRenderException : [12:00.36] ERROR: Bad value for renderer : nuke
at Deadline.Plugins.DeadlinePlugin.FailRender(String message) (Python.Runtime.PythonException)
File "C:\ProgramData\Thinkbox\Deadline10\workers\FARM-38\plugins\662724dac422b64314f03ca1\Nuke.py", line 278, in RenderTasks
self.WritePython(scriptContents)
File "C:\ProgramData\Thinkbox\Deadline10\workers\FARM-38\plugins\662724dac422b64314f03ca1\Nuke.py", line 39, in WritePython
self.WaitForProcess()
File "C:\ProgramData\Thinkbox\Deadline10\workers\FARM-38\plugins\662724dac422b64314f03ca1\Nuke.py", line 46, in WaitForProcess
self.FlushMonitoredManagedProcessStdout( self.ProcessName )
File "C:\ProgramData\Thinkbox\Deadline10\workers\FARM-38\plugins\662724dac422b64314f03ca1\Nuke.py", line 621, in HandleError
self.deadlinePlugin.FailRender( self.GetRegexMatch( 0 ) )
at Python.Runtime.Dispatcher.Dispatch(ArrayList args)
at __FranticX_GenericDelegate0Dispatcher.Invoke()
at Deadline.Plugins.DeadlinePlugin.RenderTasks()
at Deadline.Plugins.DeadlinePlugin.DoRenderTasks()
at Deadline.Plugins.PluginWrapper.RenderTasks(Task task, String& outMessage, AbortLevel& abortLevel)
at Deadline.Plugins.PluginWrapper.RenderTasks(Task task, String& outMessage, AbortLevel& abortLevel)
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Type

RenderPluginException
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Stack Trace

at Deadline.Plugins.SandboxedPlugin.d(DeadlineMessage ber, CancellationToken bes)
at Deadline.Plugins.SandboxedPlugin.RenderTask(Task task, CancellationToken cancellationToken)
at Deadline.Slaves.SlaveRenderThread.c(TaskLogWriter aix, CancellationToken aiy)
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Log

2024-04-23 12:00:32: 0: Loading Job's Plugin timeout is Disabled
2024-04-23 12:00:32: 0: WARNING: Python version for 'Nuke' plugin is not specified! Defaulting to Py2.
2024-04-23 12:00:32: 0: SandboxedPlugin: Render Job As User disabled, running as current user 'FARM-38'
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: nogui was not added to the CommandLineParser.
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: Executing plugin command of type 'Initialize Plugin'
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: Executing plugin script 'C:\ProgramData\Thinkbox\Deadline10\workers\FARM-38\plugins\662724dac422b64314f03ca1\Nuke.py'
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: About: Nuke Plugin for Deadline
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: The job's environment will be merged with the current environment before rendering
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: Done executing plugin command of type 'Initialize Plugin'
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: Start Job timeout is disabled.
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: Task timeout is disabled.
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: Loaded job: HAP_01650_test_v016.nk (662724dac422b64314f03ca1)
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: Executing plugin command of type 'Start Job'
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: DEBUG: S3BackedCache Client is not installed.
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: Executing global asset transfer preload script 'C:\ProgramData\Thinkbox\Deadline10\workers\FARM-38\plugins\662724dac422b64314f03ca1\GlobalAssetTransferPreLoad.py'
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: Looking for legacy (pre-10.0.26) AWS Portal File Transfer...
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: Looking for legacy (pre-10.0.26) File Transfer controller in C:/Program Files/Thinkbox/S3BackedCache/bin/task.py...
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: Could not find legacy (pre-10.0.26) AWS Portal File Transfer.
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: Legacy (pre-10.0.26) AWS Portal File Transfer is not installed on the system.
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: Prepping OFX cache
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: Checking Nuke temp path: C:\Users\FARM-38\AppData\Local\Temp\nuke
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: Path already exists
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: OFX cache prepped
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: Starting monitored managed process Nuke
2024-04-23 12:00:34: 0: INFO: Enable Path Mapping: True
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Stdout Redirection Enabled: True
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Stdout Handling Enabled: True
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Popup Handling Enabled: True
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: QT Popup Handling Enabled: False
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: WindowsForms10.Window.8.app.* Popup Handling Enabled: False
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Using Process Tree: True
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Hiding DOS Window: True
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Creating New Console: False
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Running as user: FARM-38
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Executable: "C:\Program Files\Nuke13.2v3\Nuke13.2.exe"
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Rendering with NukeX
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Setting Process Environment Variable EDDY_DEVICE_LIST to
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Argument: -V 2 --nukex -t "C:\ProgramData\Thinkbox\Deadline10\workers\FARM-38\jobsData\662724dac422b64314f03ca1\thread0_tempwevwS0\HAP_01650_test_v016.nk"
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Full Command: "C:\Program Files\Nuke13.2v3\Nuke13.2.exe" -V 2 --nukex -t "C:\ProgramData\Thinkbox\Deadline10\workers\FARM-38\jobsData\662724dac422b64314f03ca1\thread0_tempwevwS0\HAP_01650_test_v016.nk"
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Startup Directory: "C:\Program Files\Nuke13.2v3"
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Process Priority: BelowNormal
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Process Affinity: default
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Process is now running
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: Done executing plugin command of type 'Start Job'
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: Plugin rendering frame(s): 1002
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: Executing plugin command of type 'Render Task'
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: INFO: Rendering all enabled write nodes
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: STDOUT: NOTE : NukeX functionality is only available with an interactive license. If you wish to
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: STDOUT: use this, please specify '--nukex -i' for an interactive license in terminal mode.
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: STDOUT: Nuke 13.2v3, 64 bit, built Jul 26 2022.
2024-04-23 12:00:35: 0: STDOUT: Copyright (c) 2022 The Foundry Visionmongers Ltd. All Rights Reserved.
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/arriSDKLoader.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/_pathsetup.py
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/init.tcl
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/init.py
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/setenv.tcl
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/formats.tcl
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/caravinit.py
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Users/FARM-38/.nuke/init.py
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading c:/RASCA_NUKE/init.py
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/getenv.tcl
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/OCIOColorSpace.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/dpxReader.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/Tracker4.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/Merge2.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/FilterErode.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/Keymix.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/Crop.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Qt: Untested Windows version 6.2 detected!
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/ChannelMerge.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading c:/RASCA_NUKE/gizmos/DespillMadness.gizmo
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/Clamp.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/ColorCorrect.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/Copy.dll
2024-04-23 12:00:36: 0: STDOUT: Loading C:/Program Files/Nuke13.2v3/plugins/Invert.dll
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I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/HolidayGourmetTurkey posting in TrueOffMyChest
Ongoing as per OOP
Content Warning - child death
Mood spoiler - small positive steps
1 update - Long
Original - 29th December 2023
Update - 19th April 2024
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I just found out why my boyfriend never holds my toddler niece
​
Sorry, this is gonna be a long one.
I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (28M, Jay) for 5 years.
We’ve both been very close with each other’s families, and we’ve even talked about marriage. However, one touchy subject is children. Whenever we discuss it, he gets kinda stand-offish. He doesn’t really dismiss the idea though, it’s just that he doesn’t seem invested. I’ve always wanted kids, and he just always says he’s fine with whatever makes me happy. Ever since, I’ve been content with this situation.
However, things escalated during this holiday season.
Our setup has always been that Jay spends Christmas Eve and dinner with my family, then I spend Christmas Day with his family. This was the first Christmas I’ll spend with my first and only niece (2F, Ana, she spent her first Christmas in the hospital due to her health condition, but she’s okay now), so I made sure to spend a lot of time with her. We played a lot, we opened gifts together, and I even reenacted Ana’s favorite storybook using her favorite doll. We even had matching outfits!
My sister (30F, Amy) thanked me for giving her and her husband some relief from childcare the entire day. However, Amy also said she noticed that Jay, who was just either sitting on the couch watching me or helping my mom with the dishes, was kinda distant with Ana. I told her I’ve also noticed that before, and I just chalked it up to maybe Jay was hesitant and awkward to play with Ana because he feels he’s “just my boyfriend.” Then Amy said she won’t mind, since she and her husband already treat Jay as part of our family.
I then went back to Jay and encouraged him to play with Ana and help us set up her new dollhouse, but he said he’s not feeling too well. He ended up drinking a few more beers and stayed on the porch by himself, scrolling on his phone. I didn’t press harder and thought he might really just be feeling under the weather. I just want to add for context that Jay isn’t an alcoholic. He’s a sweet, wonderful, funny man who’s sometimes broody and deep in thought, but he’s never abusive, manipulative, or moody, and he only drinks on special occasions.
The next day, on Christmas Day, we had lunch with Jay’s family. Afterward, I volunteered for cleanup to help Jay’s mom (62F, Mary) and brother (31M, John). Jay’s family was the best any significant other could ever ask for. They’re very sweet and supportive of us, but they’re never prying. They always check up on us, but they never overstep. So, as we were cleaning up, Mary asked me how my sister’s baby was (they helped with the bills when Ana was hospitalized last year). I told them that Ana’s in great condition now, and that she already spent the Christmas at home. They were very delighted upon hearing this.
Then, I shared with them the thing I noticed about Jay. Initially, I thought maybe Mary could just give me advice on how to approach the issue with Jay since he’s clearly not the playing-with-kids kind of guy, but then John casually said something like “Oh, because of Rosie,” then Mary quickly shushed him. Rosie was the daughter of Jay and John’s eldest sister, Beth (35F). I never knew the actual details because everyone was very secretive about it, but all I knew was that Rosie passed away when she was just 3 years old and Beth and her husband moved away afterward. I never met them in person.
So, later that night, when Mary, John, and the other family members got a bit more drunk and Jay was already sleeping in the bedroom, they told me the story (I didn’t force them or anything). Apparently, Jay, being the youngest of the siblings, was really close with Rosie back then. Jay was just around 14 years old when Rosie was born, so he became the super fun uncle (like I am now with Ana). He was actually Rosie’s best friend. Then, on summer of 2012, Jay was playing with Rosie outside (he was blowing bubbles and she was chasing and popping them) when a speeding car, driven by a woman who was distracted on her phone, skidded into the yard toward Rosie’s direction. Jay reacted quickly and was able to reach and grab Rosie so the car actually hit him, but the impact of the crash caused Rosie’s head to whiplash as Jay hugged her. Jay was in a coma for 3 days and had multiple severe injuries and internal bleeding, but Rosie didn’t make it.
Everything was caught by the neighbor’s CCTV so everyone knew that Jay was a hero for trying to protect Rosie (it was even covered by the local news), but Beth, who was understandably in grief, resented Jay for not being able to save her daughter. Beth and her husband then decided to move to another country to cope with their grief and start a new life, and they’ve had minimal contact with the family ever since. Jay, meanwhile, took the loss really hard. He blamed himself for not being able to save Rosie and not being able to attend her funeral since he was still at the hospital at that time. Mary said that Jay was never the same after that. He never went near kids, and he became a lot colder, quieter, more reserved, and antisocial. He also had anger issues, but it thankfully went away (I haven't had any issues with this). We also live in an area where people don’t believe in therapy, so Jay never received professional help.
After learning all of this, I bawled my eyes out because I never knew Jay was carrying such a heavy burden. The whole incident became a taboo family secret that no one mentions in fear of Jay breaking down or doing something he might regret (although to be fair, he’s never had violent or self-harm tendencies ever since, so this was just a precaution). They also never told me before because they assumed Jay would be the one to tell me, but I told them that he never did, and that I never really asked him. I then thanked everyone for letting me in on this, and I told them that I’d talk to Jay about it when the time is right. They understood, and they said I could just ring them up if I need help or support in any way. For now, I just want Jay to enjoy the holidays and his remaining vacation days from work.
Now, I don’t really know how to start with him. I know seeking professional help to process all the trauma and grief, even if it’s been over a decade ago, would be the top priority, but I don’t know how to bring it up to him. I don’t even know when is the right time to bring it up. I just want him to know that I love him no matter what, and that I’ll support him in every step toward his healing, especially if we’re to form a family of our own.
​
Comments
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Dissenter-2023
Jay is absolutely a better man than me x 1000
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lovinglifeatmyage
Jay is amazing, what a shame his sister blamed him, but I guess that’s what grief does to you. I hope he gets the therapy he needs

OOP: From what I gathered from Jay's family, Beth never really voiced out that she blamed Jay for Rosie's passing. However, she became cold toward him to the point of almost ignoring him during family gatherings before they moved. Of course, everyone knew what it was all about.

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penatbater
It's possible that after some time, Beth realized she was wrong but is now burdened with shame for even thinking of blaming her brother for Rosie. Grief and shame make people do weird things.
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CADreamn
Don't bring it up. Let him come to you when he's ready. He might get pissed that they told you because this is his story to tell you when he's ready.

OOP: Yeah, this was what I was leaning toward as well. I just hope it happens sooner so his pain and sadness don't consume him any more than they already have.

​
Update - 4 months later
​
Hi, it’s been a while since my first post. I have some major updates for anyone interested. You may check my profile for my previous post.
Also, I took some time to organize my thoughts first to make sure I don't miss anything pertinent. It's kinda long as a lot have happened since, so I've divided this into sections to make it easier to follow.
​
QUICK RECAP
My boyfriend (Jay) and I have been together for 5 years. Throughout our relationship, I noticed that he's always distant with kids, including my niece, Ana. During Christmas, Jay's family revealed that it was because of an incident over a decade ago. Turns out, Jay was really close with his toddler niece, Rosie. One day, when they were playing outside, they were hit by a distracted driver. Jay tried to save Rosie. He sustained severe injuries, but Rosie still didn't make it. Beth (Rosie's mom and Jay's sister) acted cold toward Jay after this, then she and her husband moved to another country after a few months. From then on, Jay's personality changed, becoming cold and antisocial, and he never received professional help. All of this has become Jay's family's "dirty" secret.
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PART 1: THE CONFESSION
Since learning about Rosie and posting here on Reddit, I’ve been so conflicted about what to do. A lot of you had opposing opinions, and all of them had merit, but knowing Jay and how he’d most likely react, I chose to keep it a secret until I find the perfect time.
What I didn’t anticipate was that the perfect time would come in the form of a pregnancy scare. Back in January, I had a false positive. Everything happened so quickly within a day. I had a rollercoaster of emotions, but bottom line was that I’m not pregnant after all. When Jay got back home that night, I knew I had to tell him everything. I told him I had a pregnancy scare, but he has nothing to worry about since it ended up being negative. At that moment, I saw all the blood drain from his face, and he became so pale that I was worried he was going to faint. I was holding his hand, and he became so sweaty and cold and shaky. He rushed to our refrigerator to get some water, and it was obvious he was spiraling really hard. That was when I told him I knew about Rosie.
I came clean because I knew that was what he was panicking about. I assured him that I’m by his side, and he could react however he wanted to. I repeatedly apologized for disrespecting his trust and lying to him for weeks. I also asked him to please not be mad at his family because they meant well when they told me. Throughout all of it, I couldn’t really read Jay’s expressions. I wasn’t sure if he was about to scream out of anger or burst into tears. I told him that we don’t have to talk about it any further if he doesn’t want to, but I’d be willing to listen and support him whenever he’s ready.
His only response that time was him asking me if I wanted to break up with him, which confused me. I told him of course not, then we hugged, then he said he needs some time to process everything before we discuss it, which I respected. For the rest of the week, we tried to interact like nothing happened, but everything was awkward since there’s this huge thing hanging between us.
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PART 2: THE TALK
The following weekend (which was 8 days after), we finally sat down and talked about everything. He started by apologizing for not telling me sooner, but he revealed that his last girlfriend dumped him after he told her about Rosie. He said he was so relieved after I reassured him that I wouldn’t do that. He then told me that it was something that’s been weighing him ever since, and he’s confirmed that he never sought or received professional help. However, he said he’s very much open to doing that, but he didn’t think he’s ready yet. He also said he’s afraid to go down that path because it might release some inner demons and drag me down with him.
Another thing Jay told me was that ever since Rosie was born, he felt an instant and deep connection and a sense of responsibility for her, even when he was just a teenager that time. He said that having Rosie in his life made him realize how much he wanted to be a father when he's older. However, since the incident, he’s afraid of messing things up again, so he never really considered having kids from then on despite really wanting to do so. I then reassured him that we’re on the same page on this. Although I also want to have kids with him in the future, I don’t want to force it on him when he’s not yet ready.
He also said that whenever he sees me with Ana (my niece), he gets kinda jealous because he wants to join us every time. However, he constantly reminds himself to keep his distance just to be safe. I told him he doesn’t have to worry about that, and that he’s more than welcome to join us if he wants to. I also told him that my sister and the rest of my family actually considers him a part of our family, just to reassure him more.
Jay tried to lighten the mood by joking and saying now that I know everything about him and still didn’t break up with him, I could finally expect a proposal anytime soon. We both had a good laugh, but we agreed to wait for his recovery first before getting engaged or discussing our future family.
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PART 3: BETH
During our discussion, Jay also had another heartbreaking revelation. He said that during the height of the pandemic, Beth’s husband (Brian) reached out to him. Brian said that Beth had COVID and was confined in a hospital, and that he was already running low on funds due to bills and unemployment. He also said that Beth had been almost catatonic since Rosie’s passing. She had been resistant to any outside and professional help, but she was institutionalized for about a year after a self-harming incident. For the past decade, she’d been cold, distant, and withdrawn from society.
Apparently, the rest of Jay’s family also knew about all this, but again, they just swept it under the rug. To be fair, they had been helping Brian by sending financial aid to support Beth, but their version of the story was that Beth had just gone low contact since they moved.
Also, to be very clear, Jay said that Beth never blamed him for what happened to Rosie, although he initially felt that way when he was younger. It was more of their parents interpreting and spinning things a certain way to avoid tarnishing their family’s reputation, but when Brian reached out to him directly years ago, he started to understand better. However, he still hasn’t processed everything, and he still partly blames himself for the whole thing.
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PART 4: OUR CURRENT SITUATION
For now, what we’re exploring is couple’s therapy so we can discuss our mutual issues in a safe and pressure-free space, and hopefully, kind of ease him into the world of therapy. We’ve already found the perfect therapist to help us, and we’ve now had 6 sessions with her. From what I can tell, Jay seems a lot happier and less burdened. We’ve also had “homeworks” from our sessions, and Jay was even the one reminding me to do them.
Right now, I’m just hoping that he becomes ready enough to open up about Rosie so he can heal and recover from his trauma. Not for me, but for his mental and emotional well-being. No rush though, all in his own time.
Also, Jay has no social media, but I showed him the original Reddit post I made. He spent like three hours reading through all the comments. It was the first time I saw him get teary-eyed because he never expected so many people giving him support and saying kind words to him. He was extremely overwhelmed by everyone’s kindness, so we’re both grateful to all of you for that. We also saw some TikTok and YouTube versions of the story, and you bet Jay browsed through all of them. He’s still baffled why the TikTok versions have Minecraft or cooking videos in the background, but I just told him it’s a trend haha
So, there, if you've made it this far into our story, thank you for your time! I have a good feeling that Jay and I are going to be fine. We still have a lot of challenges ahead of us, but here's to hoping for the best!
​
EDIT: So Jay and I now kinda share this account. He might reply directly from time to time (this is his first time on Reddit, so please be kind to him. I had to explain to him what OP and a lot of the other lingo mean haha). Yeah, but we're both reading everything! Again, thank you for being so kind!
​
Comments
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Daemon48
I hope Jay continues healing, and eventually Beth somehow gets out of the mental hole she’s in. Both them went through something horrible that no one who hasn’t been in that situation can comprehend. Thoughts for both of them

OOP: Thank you for your kind words. As for Jay, I can see that he's already making some progress, even though it's more like baby steps. Nonetheless, it is still progress. As for Beth, I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through. I just pray that she finally finds some peace eventually.

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Lyons_99
I'm so happy with this update, that now Jay knows that you're on his side and is getting professional help. What happened to Rose was a tragedy and wasnt his fault at all. My heart hurts to think of the weight he must be carrying for all this time. Wishing you two all the best!

OOP: Yeah, he's starting to open up more about his internal struggles and burdens, but he hasn't touched on the subject of Rosie yet. The least I can do for him is to let him know I'm here for him. Thank you for your kind words!

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FullOfFalafel
I hope the driver who killed the kid is rotting in prison but with the sick car culture that exists in most countries I doubt it.

OOP: She did 1 year jail time, 5 years probation (not sure how much was really served)

​

OOP replying to a deleted comment about Jay's family: I won't make excuses for them. On a human, personal level, they are extremely lovely, generous, and kind people. They have welcomed me as a part of their family, and they even extended help when my sister's daughter, Ana, had congenital health problems. I have met different relatives of my exes before, and in comparison, Jay's family has been the most wonderful and welcoming.
However, I would say that they are a product of the very traditional, nonprogressive area in which we live. We are a Catholic community, and most activities revolve around our parish. Reputation is everything, yet town gossip is still very rampant. I understand that this may sound backward-thinking in our modern times, but that is the reality of our lives (I also grew up in the same area, so I fully understand their behavior).
Although I agree with you that everything that happened and how they reacted to it had been unfortunate to say the least, and Jay and Beth got the brunt of it.

dukeofcouch
Im so sorry for asking but im really baffled here. Jay was a victim as well. He was in the accident. So what kind of reputation was to be saved? And why did they let Jay feel like it was his fault? What town gossip can possibly be there from this awful accident? I cant wrap my head around this. I truly hope Jay can find his much deserved peace, especially Beth & Bryan. And you, you are an angel!

OOP: I'm honestly just as confused as well. I don't think the intention was to make Jay feel he was at fault. I think the intention was to just not talk about it at all and make it seem like it never happened. Like a family secret never to be brought up so the bomb doesn't go off or something. Being rational definitely wasn't a priority, and unfortunately, it was Jay and Beth who suffered.

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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am STILL NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ThrowawayWeirdNephew. He posted in AmItheAsshole
Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for this freaking wild recommendation/find. Previous BORU here.
New Update is marked with ****\*

Please read the trigger warnings.

Trigger Warnings: animal abuse; mental illness; threatening behavior
Mood Spoiler: disturbing and still not resolved
Original Post: March 21, 2024
Throwaway bc wife knows my account.
I (37) and my wife (35) have been arguing about this all week.
Our nephew (22) has always been troubled, even though SIL (44) and BIL (48) have always treated him well. Some examples of his unsettling behavior:

• He was caught feeding one of BIL's horses avocados (poisonous to horses) to make it sick. I have dogs and don't want him to hurt them as well.
• He demands to be called the names of two specific fictional characters. He believes he is these characters, reincarnated. If you call him by his real name or refuse to go along with his delusions he becomes aggressive.
• He carries around a plushie of one of these characters everywhere. There is a hole in the back. The hole is stained. I have tried not to jump to conclusions about what he does to that plushie and failed. It smells rancid, and honestly just thinking about the thing makes me want to vomit.

I have tried so hard to be patient with his "quirks" as my wife puts it, but what really pushed me over the edge was an incedent that occured a few weeks ago. For context, wife has struggled with infertility for our entire marriage, and we had given up on having our own kid until we recently discovered she is pregnant. Given the fact that she's 35, we have been surprised and overjoyed.
A few weeks ago, wife started randomly getting rude texts from nephew, insulting our baby. One text implied that our baby would have FAS, due to my wife's previous drinking problem, even though she has been sober for years. I wanted to call up that insensitive brat and tear into gim, but wife insisted we gently let him know via text that we didn't appreciate his comments. When he kept going and my wife started crying, I called SIL. She was able to shut him down and get him to apologize. I have no idea what the hell got into him, but I suspect it has to do with his hatred of women.
Wife believes that he may be on the spectrum/ have undiagnosed mental illness and that he needs to be treated patiently. I think he has been coddled his entire life and it has only made him worse. I think if someone doesn't put their foot down, his behavior will escalate into something dangerous.
Here's where I may be TA. Each year, wife and I host Easter Dinner for her entire family. Wife has already forgiven nephew for the incedent and is insisting we invite him so that he isn't isolated from his family, something she believes will worsen his behavior. I see her reasoning, but enough is enough. I refused. I said she is being a doormat like everyone else in the family when it comes to him, and that our manchild of a nephew can't just make her cry and get away with it with an empty apology. Some of my friends are saying that I am being controlling and that I can't stop her from seeing her own family. I feel like I am going insane. AITA?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: He has a history of poisoning. He has a history of hating women. He has a history of mentally abusing your wife. He has a history of saying the baby will have birth defects.
It seems like it would be fully within his capabilities to poison your wife to hurt the baby. Sounds crazy but this guy definitely is.

OOP: This is exactly what I am afraid of. I feel like nobody in the family wants to admit that his problems aren't just him having quirks; they're warning signs of potentially dangerous behavior later on and they need to be dealt with. I am glad I am not alone in thinking this-- I was starting to wonder if I was overreacting. Like, the plushie thing and him thinking he is certain fictional characters is one thing, but the animal cruelty and anger towards women is what really have me concerned.

Commenter: Yes, the animal cruelty is a clear sign of him being an actual psychopath. The issue is how to make your wife see this without pushing it. Most people don’t want to believe their family is capable of such cruelty. You’ll have to be very very gentle if you intend to discuss it at all. Worst comes to worst, very carefully watch the food and drink.
Personally I can’t believe anyone in the family puts up with that utterly disgusting plushie! I mean how can they expect you to bring your future child around that.

OOP: His parents got it for him when he was a kid. They thought it was cute when he brought it everywhere. I think on some level, they still see him as a child so they kind of refuse to acknowledge what he does to that thing.

Commenter: NTA but honestly the whole family are for allowing this to continue. How long has he behaved like this for? I can’t believe no one has taken him to a doctor I mean just the fact that this adult man is carrying around a stinky stained plushie of a fictional character is bad enough but the trying to hurt a horse thing? And no one thinks that’s worth looking into?

OOP: His mom does try to push him to go to therapy and to get a job, and he usually will get a therapist-- for a few weeks. And then she is back to begging him to get therapy. She didn't want to push him when he was younger, but now that he is an adult she cannot make him do anything. At least he has learned (after getting fired for this previously) not to take his plusie to the jobs he manages to hold down for a month or two.

Do you know if he has harmed other animals/wife's safety:
I do not know if he has harmed other animals. He was actually vegan for a few months at one point, and was very anti animal cruelty. I don't know why he flipped and tried to hurt one of the horses, and honesty the fact that he can go against his own supposed values like that also scares me.
I think I need to emphasize to my wife that this is a matter of safety rather than me just being mad at our nephew for his comments (although that is also a part of it). My wife has always wanted kids so badly, and before she got pregnant, I think she projected a bit of that onto our nephew as we watched him a decent amount when he was younger. I get that he's family and she loves him, and it's hard to admit that someone you love could be a danger to you, but she also has our baby to think about.
I think I will show her these comments in the morning after I make her tea and apologize for calling her a doormat/getting upset while arguing. I need to aproach this a bit more gently, as you guys are confirming for me that it really is more serious than him just being rude.
Mini Update in Comments: 13 hours later
My wife and I had a long talk this morning in which I made it clear that I was more concerned about her and our baby's safety than anything (I also apologized for resorting to name calling last night. Wife isn't a doormat, she just has a lot of love and patience for her family).
It was a hard talk with some tears from both of us, but she agreed that this has escalated to a point that may become dangerous, in part due to the enabling from all of us. Honestly I am also guilty of coddling him, especially when he was a kid.
It's hard to admit when someone you took care of as a kid has grown into someone unsafe to be around, but I think the idea in this comment might work as a way to set boundaries without shutting him out permanently. We are going to call his mother and explain that Easter Dinner isn't happening this year if nephew is coming, and that he is welcome to come over when he has a diagnosis and has stuck with a therapist for at least a couple months.
Thank you all for your advice
Update Post: April 3, 2024 (almost 2 weeks later)
This bizarre series of events started on Easter and has only gotten weirder since. For those of you who did not read/don't remember my original post, my Nephew was banned from our recent Easter dinner due to a concerning pattern of behavior, including recent disturbing text messages to my pregnant wife about her unborn child.
Since then, his parents eventually agreed to not bring him after a lot of arguing. SIL (nephew's mother) eventually admitted that he may need professional help and that Wife and I "may have some reason" to be worried for out safety around him. And on Easter, our worries were proven more than reasonable.
He showed up uninvited, using BIL's car (his parents came in SIL's car). Our dinner was interrupted by aggressive pounding on our door. I don't know how to put this without it sounding insane so here goes: Nephew was at our door, holding a sword, and dressed as the Joker. He tried to say something, but I slammed the door in his face and told everyone inside what was going on.
Chaos, predictably, insued. BIL, a generally calm guy who I have never seen freak out or get angry, turned beet red and went outside. He ended up literally chasing Nephew around our house, screaming at him, in an attempt to get him to leave. Neighbors came outside and SIL went into damage control mode, talking down one concerned neighbor from calling the police somehow.
He dropped his sword in the chase and BIL tackled him on our front lawn. They got him into SIL's car somehow and they left with him. Easter dinner was ruined. Wife was in tears. I was so mad I was shaking.
Good news is that this was a wakeup call for SIL and BIL. Under threat of them withdrawing financial support, Nephew has agreed to seek therapy and surrender access to his Tumblr blog, which he previously would spend hours a day posting on. His mother went through it and found a lot of alarming posts, including content about his hatred for women, screenshots posted of his text exchange with my wife with captions bragging about his hurtful behavior, and several disturbing "fanfictions" with violent sexual content. They believe him being too online is worsening his behavior and are hoping that limiting his access and forcing him into therapy will help.
Thank you for all who convinced me to stand my ground in the comments of my original post.
Relevant Comments:
I might suggest the 5150 hold to his parents, but his mother is already worried that taking away the phone was "too much" as if he didn't show up at my house with a weapon.
Characters:
Commenter: NTA, Look for all I care you can be a rabbit identifying as a frog, or believe you are Superman, if you aren't hurting anyone and can function in society, have at it...BUT, This guy is scary AND dangerous. He hurts animals, hates woman, and has a false sense of reality. The family has enabled this behavior for years.
Nope, I wouldn't want him anywhere near your pregnant wife, and later your child. He is going to hurt someone.

OOP: Funnily enough you almost guessed which two characters he identifies as: a frog, Kermit to be exact (yes as in the muppet), and the Joker (not Superman, but from the same source material).

Editor's note: The amazing u/Moulitov and u/Lazy-Requirement2371 found the tumblr account. u/pienofilling scrolled through it. It dates back to May 2023!
It is very disturbing, so read at your own risk. TW threatening violence
Link (A creepy kermit pic shows up on this post preview with the link, so I added a space)
www . tumblr. com/the-muppet-joker
Here's pienofilling's findings:
I just scrolled a lot, because I'm on my phone and not reading all that as there's multiple posts a day, but I did just see a posted screen capture of the-muppet-joker talking to his mother about the messages to his Aunt.
The screen capture post was made on 7th March and OOP posted on Reddit on 21st March. If it's a bit then it's an insanely committed one.
EDIT 1: And we have horse poisoning on 25th February.
"if he dies, maybe I'll finally be the favorite son instead of playing second fiddle to a fucking animal.
And post vet treatment, as this horse getting poisoned has happened before
I find it funny that he'll hire a private detective for a horse but not attend his own child's badminton games. Priorities."
EDIT 2: Right, I have now done my Reddit public service for the day, the earliest post I could scroll to on the blog was 23rd May 2023. There are unredacted names in various conversation screenshots, the-muppet-joker refers to having been kicked in the head by a horse, and a number of anti horse tagged posts.
Editor's Note 2: I can't verify this, but some more info from u/Cygnata:
Ohgods. THIS AH. He's caused some drama in the Hazbin and a few other communities. I know he's been banned from several more. I've had to ban him from a couple gaming communities.
I think he's a Redditor as well, so be careful he doesn't start harrassing anyone here.
*****Update Post 2: April 11, 2024 (8 days later, 3 weeks from OG post)****\*
Title: Final Update (Hopefully)
First and second post on my profile for those of you who are out of the loop.
Thank you for the kind messages and advice in the comments. The situation is being taken seriously by BIL, wife, and myself. SIL still has her head burried in the sand a bit, but we are working on it. At the very least, she has not lifted the phone ban, and she has been looking through his tumblr as well as his other social media to see if he really had violent intentions on easter. SIL still believes Nephew that he only came to talk.
In any case, he had his first therapy session with the new therapist this week. He has promised to stick with it, mostly because SIL said she would return his phone if he stuck with it long enough (not sure how long "long enough" is). The plus side of him being a manchild is that he is either unwilling to just buy himself a new phone with the little money he has, or he doesn't realize that he is an adult who can gain financial independence so his mother can't threaten to take things away from him like he's a child in time-out. He has told his mom to tell us that he's very sorry for his behavior and that it won't happen again. I'm skeptical. Wife is still holding out hope, but refuses to see him unless he shows substantial improvement. BIL is looking into resources for places he can get Nephew committed should that become necessary, but he believes that the situation is under control as long as SIL doesn't budge. They have also confiscated his sword and I don't think he has access to other weapons.
I was also sent a link to Nephew's tumblr blog. SIL has already seen it on his phone but did not want to share its contents because she feels like we have "villianized her baby enough." I went through his blog with my wife and didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or pour bleach into my eyeballs. His blog basically confirmed what you all have been trying to tell me about his pattern of violence and hatred for women. He posts a lot about how 'females' are all entitled and how he hates ever having to interact with them. Additionally, he seems to be stalking one of his exes, which is a whole other layer of concerning. He also writes sexually explicit fanfiction about muppets, which is not a safety concern, but has permanently ruined the entire show for me.
Sorry this update isn't very exciting, but a lot of people expressed concern for my family and I's safety, so I am letting you all know the situation is being handled and everyone is okay.
For those wondering about the plushie of kermit, it has gone missing according to SIL and BIL. I hope it stays missing forever.
Mini Update (Same Post): April 15, 2024 (4 days later)
Edit: People are messaging me saying that he is back to updating his tumblr account, so that likely means SIL has gone back on her word. I'm going to call BIL and update him. Also he is still hiding the plushie somewhere because BIL was trying to throw it away and he can't find it anywhere
Editor's note:
One of the newer tumblr posts where the nephew responds to someone who asked about him getting his phone back:
“Yes, a while ago. My mother said I may keep it as long as I do not have another outburst and I continue with therapy. My uncle and aunt have stopped talking to my mother and I over this issue, which I think is stupid. My father and mother have been fighting nonstop. It is stressful and obnoxious. At least at night I can bring out my Kermit plushie to relieve stress, heh....”
Editor's note 2: He also got fired from his job at Starbucks:
"I was working there until today when I tried to take a small piece of my love/coworker's hair and he got very upset and told our manager and I was fired. They were very rude about it."

Do not comment on original posts. See rule 7.

Also- maybe be careful about commenting on tumblr? His posts are apparently starting to get more unhinged.

I had a very very intense relationship with someone and it feels so difficult to transition out of it. We started as co-workers and became close friends and then a month or 2 went by. We had spent time together twice I think outside of work. But were having almost daily phone calls for hours at a time, for at least the last 5 weeks. I had told him previously that I kind of liked him and wanted to kiss him on one of the nights we hung out. We talked about it and just decided to see where things go. And we just became close. I was fine with that. This month he dealt with some stressful things and was leaving the company. Around the same time I lost my grandmother. (2 weeks ago) We had made previous plans to get away for a weekend which fell through. So instead he planned/booked a room for us to go away for a night after he heard about my grandmother and we did. (He was paying/driving--- he/his family has $$$$$) I brought a bunch of cash for food and drinks etc. But still I knew it was his gesture for the both of us to get away. He even mentioned a beach walk for us go and cry together.
The weekend we went away we flirted, cuddled, kissed, shared a bed. Had dinner together. But he was very respectful. And nothing else happened. He shared how he felt very comfortable and safe with me. We had an amazing time. He said he was worried about me and that he wouldn't have done this if he didn't care. We held hands and sang on the car ride back home. After we were both home, I contacted him to bring up the idea of being something more but that I'd also be happy staying friends. He said he felt the same and also wanted to try dating. But not without warning me in a sense, that it would take him time emotionally to like, let his guard down. I already knew to some degree about his past and we've both been burned.
We did have one more lunch date together. (This was the last day we saw each other. ) Split $ down the middle. Because there already had been some $$$ arguments due to his mother thinking I'm a gold digger. And while he said he didn't think that, he also didn't fight my case to his mom as to why he owed me money. One second I'm believing full well I'm going to get money I lent him back when the interaction was just between him and I. But once his mom got any details, "well who does she think is covering the hotel?? Gas? Dinner?" And he already owed me money from when I previously got him out of bind. But I never said anything because it was like he was paying me back via dinner and stuff that weekend.... Does he mention any of those things to her? No. I'm not rich though so the last thing I wanted to do was be seen as the poor girl living in public housing asking for some of the money back. I was without a full paycheck for a week due to not having any paid bereavement leave since I'm not FT currently. ---- important context
About a week went by. We continued to have our phone calls and make future plans. He left a couple days for family and we made plans to see each other on a Tuesday. Come Tuesday, we were on the phone talking about birthdays and he invited me to go with him to meet his friends out of state and celebrate. And that he would call me back to let me know when to take off so we could hangout. 5 minutes later I get a text as I'm about ready to head out the door... - His mother has just informed him that going for a walk together on a "beautiful day" could be viewed as romantic. He then says how he doesn't want to lead me on or give me the wrong idea. (???!!!) So because of that we can no longer hangout.
(For context yes, he does live at home with her currently.)
So he cancelled plans with me over text and then proceeded to ignore my calls and hardly communicate over text. Until I reiterated what his mom said in my own colorful words, that's when he needed to bow out of the conversation because what I said was disrespectful about her.
Everything after that felt like the worst day. I didn't even cry. I was just mad, shocked, in disbelief. Not so much about things ending in the "dating" sense. Like I wasn't heartbroken over that. It was the way he ended up handling things with me.
We said some things later over text. He gave me a kind of closure. He even said it wasn't the end of a friendship.
But now, I feel like I can't really trust him after he pulled this 180 on me. It was so out of character and out of left field. And yes I'm mad that he let his mother influence his ideas about me or whatever. But I still can't... Fully hate him. Not like I do with "actual" exes lol Like I can't really fault him for ... Changing his mind I guess, but it was a full redirect and had me so confused. I just am struggling so much with not talking to him. It was such an abrupt change and it feels so weird.
I'm super aware that like, he wasn't exactly my partner and things never went that far. But he went from saying one thing about me one day and then completely going against that 3 days later. And as his friend I wish he handled it better. But honestly WTF? And why do I still want to check in on him 😔
For the record, I no longer have any interest in dating him. Lol As for being his friend? I don't know... I feel like there's some work that needs to done.
TL;DR My (31F) close friend (39M) and I went from dating to not in a span of 8 days.

I, 18f, have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, 18 m for half a year (9 months). however, since the past 6 months we've faced a continuous erupting issue in this "relationship".
to be honest, I acknowledge and I do know and I'm completely aware that all the toxic acts are from me and I am the one with the unhealthy ways of communication.
sometimes quite often nowadays I regret having jumped into relationships so young. my first one was when I was 14. all the relationships I've been with have been mentally draining and very manipulative against me, I've broken down very bad. a continuous pattern was cheating, me being an option, faulty or a deep lack of communication from their side, cheating and lying.
but now when I've finally been in this relationship I see myself being my previous exes and it's hard to process it like I turned out to be the same? it hit me hard and for a long time I've been trying to work on it for his sake.
I have bpd and a bad relationship with my mother and layers of trauma from other places and that's why I think I can't be in a relationship ever? and I wish I wasn't like this so I actively try to read good healthy advice to desperately work on it and do better, be better for him. I've had enough of pain in my life and although I know being a bad hurtful partner hurts him it equally makes me feel deeply bad every night too because I know why I do that. why? because I'm immatured, childish, can't healthily process or regulate anything for the love of God. it's either that or I choose to stay with toxic partners but by the standard textbook definition I guess my current boyfriend has been the best?
to be honest, I don't know whether out of fear of abandonment I repressed my emotions and converted them into apathy or a variation of it so I'm numb to his actions for our relationship or am I ungrateful or am I right that our relationship isn't actually that great like it never was or if there's a perspective I'm missing.
it was hard for me to communicate but since a few weeks I've been doing it but apparently whatever I do it backfires horribly and I think it's because of my bpd? see, I've tried to work on my bpd codependency since 2 years but what is immensely hard is how I'm quick to react extremely either towards myself or the other person, how I jump to conclusions, I assume? and I'm always suspicious of the other person which grieves me too because wouldn't it hurt me too that my nature doesn't allow me to trust him or anyone so heating how other people feel connected to their people breaks me really bad? also the above things I said are what he doesn't like about me. plus I don't have a personality too and I've been to therapy thrice and I have hobbies, I make trinkets and sell them, I teach part time, I write, I do it all and I genuinely try to read maybe mechanically how to deal with relationships better.
I often mimic how to be a person because I find it hard to be one, obviously the bpd. so these relationship reels on Instagram or girlfriend reels or unsolicited relationship advice from content makers and loads of comments from other girls on what's right and whats not makes me think that I'm so inexperienced and very bad at differentiating between what's right and wrong in a relationship? besides I'm the last person who can make good decisions considering my history with abusive exes. I also feel bad I can't think about sex or don't much often because these guys I've been with, you know, "send nudes" culture so but my boyfriend has always said that we needn't ever do it but I still feel bad because isn't it a primal need so what if he feels bad inside but he's just not telling it to me? another reason why I don't trust people is because I'm always the person who people come to vent about feelings they repress from the other person or their actual thoughts about it and I've seen it between bestfriends and group of friends too like people aren't that completely honest and the cons are many.
these relationship reels have sides. some profess being a bad boujee where you have to place him on a pedestal and amount him to what all can he do for you and provide for you because ofcourse like their philosophy you're a bad bitch , is it the equivalent of gymtok? because I've often heard "you have extremely low self esteem" I've tried taking advice from these bad boujees because they get provided a lot atleast on a screen and I know a friend who practices it and she quickly moves on from guys and experiences much less emotional pain which I want so badly. bad boujee professes that raise the bar and if he can't reach that then leave him and they also say being loyal and communicating to you is a basic and I've met people who say just because he does it doesn't mean he's the one and you should be with him just because of that.
so what are the reasons to be with someone? how do you know I'd they're mechanically trying to be a good partner or doing it actively because they love you as a deed and not as a feeling? get me? when I told him "these are just basics, every boyfriend cares for their girlfriend, should I be so grateful because you're loyal to me and you stay on call when I'm sick" he said "but those are my efforts because I love you" so what should I do? when I see girls who raise their standards and somehow from some fucking where get men who reach those standards I question whether am I lowering mine to something basic or is that enough and I'm being mildly delusional or childish as reality is different? but you also read where people really have done huge devoted acts of love which did happen in reality too so its very confusing. but then comes the question why do I deserve x if x reaches all those high standards? I'm just a girl with bad self esteem and family issues and not a full education, I'm just someone with no deep friendships or anything I'm a nobody. realistically it's true right?
my only standards are please understand me emotionally and love me as deep as I love you but our ways of expressing are completely different. my way of expressing it on text is I will write paragraphs on why I love you, how I love you, how I care and everything, if one thing makes them sad ill write a paragraph deeply empathetically because well I would love it immensely if someone did that for me so thats why so that's a desire for me but he doesn't do that. he's depressed and always struggling and always sounds dead, rarely texts, should I be like those ldr immigrant couples where one is in Dubai and other in India and be okay with him texting very rarely and dead? we text everyday but he sounds dead thesedays like a very surface level lacking character sort of mechanical conversation.
sometimes I see reels about fussy or emotional girlfriend's or insane or possessive girlfriend's and I thought oh me being healthy maybe is not attractive and I should mould into that now maybe perhaps so I did which didn't turn out good. one good thing is that these conflicts would never happen irl because I don't have the spine to confront people or communicate face to face without feeling like I'm being judas iscariot for expressing an emotional need.
he feels too mechanical sometimes or am I too needy? I don't know. I always used to feel that he loves me because I love him because he's grown up alone and without female interaction and he doesn't interact with anyone beyond basic surface conversations and doesn't express much with anyone and has deep-rooted family issues so I thought do you love me or do you love me because I'm so nice to you? so it started off as that. also because I used to notice him mimicking me on texts which made me feel like mirroring which made me feel even more that he doesn't love me but he loves being with someone so I asked him and he said he loves me.
personally from my side we lack emotional connection, we never open up to each other, our go to method is "let's sleep this off" whatever the fuck it is our go to approach is bury, bury, suppress, suppress and apparently he acts like he's better with that than facing it. so am I but relationship advices say the opposite so. he tends to suppress a lot. he doesn't know how to express care for someone so I always thought he learnt words and sentences from me and the exact nicknames I use for him and the same lovey tone and he's mirroring it all back instead of something true, authentic and genuine so how can he love me? even if I do go to him while I'm sad everything he says sounds too mechanical, it's hard to believe care from someone who's completely different with everyone else in their life, but its easy to believe it from my friends atleast in mild amounts because I know they're actually being themselves. plus he can get rude with his tone but so do I so but it started with me so I'm at fault there.
so many times from my pov it feels like we stay because we're afraid of abandonment than actual love and it breaks my heart to see people happier. these social media standards would be having no social media, having no celebrity crush, not being into porn, not finding anyone from opposite gender appealing, and small actions like he doesn't have socials so this one gf sent him instagram reel links and he used to reply to every single one of them on whatsapp or text you whenever wherever whatever happened like djs replying mid dj session or kohli replying to anushka? 😭 or making gifts for you like just being thoughtful.
my boyfriend does none of it. I know I have to ask and communicate but, isn't it wrong in a way to be that lenient and think that you have to ask someone to be loved that way? he should invest something original into the relationship too and not make gifts because I asked but because he wanted to and naturally occurred to him. yeah I told him unfollow thot accounts and he did immediately, but I had to tell that. there are boys who wouldn't go into that in the first place right? once he made me feel bad about preferring innocent boys instead of realistic ones who watch porn or have watched porn and lust whether they're addicted or not either into actresses or thots or real women, but was it wrong of me to prefer innocent boys who've never touched porn ever?
because social media made liking actresses as something as a do not in a relationship and I caught him saving ahem ahem pictures of some, I communicated and he didn't do that again. he's stayed with me through my doubts even if it's 4 am and called me up and taken my calls when I'm in desperately mentally bad situations too but it doesn't help because what he says then fuels my already deteriorating mental health even more like he makes stereotypical assumptions about my mental health like I'm trying to seek attention by sh? but if it was me I would rather cognitive empathetically delve into it and respond what words would exactly help a person more in a situation like that. it's odd how I know that yet still act like a toddler sometimes. he emphasizes on how far he's come from how he used to be when I met him as a person, that he respects women more now and he doesn't belittle love anymore from his nihilistic perspective but social media says don't date guys like that, date ones who already from the beginning had respect for women and was a good guy. sometimes my boyfriend responds to emotional criseses in the worst way possible. even though it goes against my nature I try to make him feel soothed by counting along with him when he feels anxious and singing him to sleep or giving him remedies he can make at home when he's sick or talk to him like one would talk to a kid when they're sad in that tone when he's sad but he does none of that. I wish he was more gentle with me but he's not? so for a long time I couldn't bear that I do all that and while at the same time yeah he's loyal and all that there's something vastly missing too in us and I don't know what is it and that missing element has brooded between us now and I feel very far away from him like two strangers in a namesake relationship where for a formality we do some things but it's mostly dead, he says he's okay with that and he says he'll never ever leave me.
yesterday I told him about someone I used to be with who made me feel better emotionally. I mean, should I always understand that he shows emotions differently and he cares but doesn't express it as meticulously as I do because of his upbringing and antisocial nature? this blew up and be got mad saying I hid it from him for so long, tbh I only thought about when I sat down and thought that do I have crippling trust issues or have I ever trusted or felt better anywhere else before and yeah I did.
he says he goes through a lot because of me too. after this conversation he said he'll come back but he doesn't know when, he posted a reel about how he wants to be loved. one thing he deals from me are my trust issues and I already said why I feel them. another is because I've bottled up too much it bursts out and I say stuff like how i feel this relationship is wilted and dead. he thinks I'm hypocritical because I don't allow for some things that he would allow me for. he complains I react quick and get offended quick, that's because everyone says if something is not going good breakup that's why. once I made a remark on how I'm at a better more sound financial place than him which hit him, I picked it from boujee reels. we don't intend to breakup ever and catastrophically well marry no matter what. I would like to know opinions about this and how to make it better and more adaptable to be with. I can do something about my emotions. he says he somehow suppesses his frustrations and still stays with me so I feel like I owe it back to him.

Well, well, well, hello again people of Hobbydrama! Before going right into it, i wanted to thank you all for the overwhelming support on my first post. Really, I didn’t expected that it would blow up this much, so thank you for all the comments and inputs yall gave me! I truly appreciate it! If someone doesn’t know what i’m talking about or is curious to read it, feel free to gave it a shot here
That being said, i’m back earlier than i tought with another drama, this time not related to music, but concerning a Cartoon Network series that i really love. Again, i wanted to talk about it because it seems like the entire Internet forgot about this situation. But not me. I never forget some good old lesbian quarrel (even if it’s fictional). That being said, let’s jump right in!
Introduction: what the hell is Adventure Time?
At this point I don’t think anyone seriously doesn’t know what it is, but for the few who live under a rock or for the older ones: Adventure Time is an American cartoon created by Pendleton Ward in 2010 for Cartoon Network. The series is based on the 2007 short film of the same name produced by Nicktoons and Frederator Studios for Random! Cartoons. Following the viral success of the pilot, (which was rejected by Nickelodeon, btw), Cartoon Network commissioned a full series, which officially aired on April 5, 2010. Adventure Time draws inspiration from a wide variety of sources, including the fantasy role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons and several video games such as The Legend of Zelda franchise. The series quickly gained a cult following in the years, becoming one of the most recognizable Cartoon Network’s flagship properties of the 2010s. Critically was a success, winning numerous animation awards and having guests such as the one and only James Baxter. It is held in high regards in the world of animation due to the incredibly mature tone it gradually developed over the course of its run, for its scenes bordering on the disturbing, its mature storylines, its frankly depressing character arcs and, in general, it’s emotionally raw tone. For this same reason the adaptation of the series in other countries outside of America has often been severly censored, especially here in Italy, where entire episodes have been removed and dialouges changed drastically, censoring swears, sexual references, exessive violence and even some mentions (already vague in the original version) of an alleged past lesbian relationship between two female characters, wich are both quite important for the plot. This is also the main reason why later Adventure Time projects switched under HBO and basically flew the fuck out of Cartoon Network. Keep this in mind because it will be important later. To give you all further context on this mature and emotional tone, an entire episode is dedicated to the storyline of one character forced to deal with what is basically a metaphor of the Alzheimer’s Disease at the expense of his adopting vampire daughter, who he doesn’t even remember who she was. Just so you know what are we are dealing with.
But what is the plot? Well, to put it EXTREMELY simple, the series is about a young boy named Finn and his best friend and adoptive brother Jake, a dog with magical powers capable of changing shape and size at will. Finn and Jake live in the post-apocalyptic Land of Ooo, where they interact with Princess Bubblegum, Ice King, Marceline, BMO and others, trying to protect the inhabitants from enemies from various dimensions. Anyway, the series was so iconic that after its ending in 2018 it spawned both a sequel composed by four episodes and a spin-off, which is currently been renewed for a second season. Now that you have all this context, we can go on.
Our protagonists: a sentient fascist piece of gum and a vampire-half demon goth girl
Ok so. Now i need to go on another tangent to explain some things to make everyone understand, so bear with me. One of our main protagonist in this story is Princess Bubblegum, also called Bonnibelle Bubblegum, PB or Bonnie. Just like her name suggest, she is the princess of the Candy Kingdom. Initially she was presented like the classic stereotype of the “damisel in distress” and her main role was to be kidnapped by Ice King and saved by Finn and Jake. However, as the series went on it was expanded upon the fact that Bubblegum’s leadership was basically autocratic due to her subjects being extremely naive and childlike and without a guiding hand she tought they will quickly destroy themselves. Bubblegum is highly protective of the Candy People and cares deeply for their safety, but is secretly strained by the pressures of ruling and expresses a desire for freedom. Following a near-death experience at the end of the second season (that possession video i linked earlier), she starts to isolate herself and becomes overprotective of the Candy People, even exhibiting authoritarian tendencies temporarily in the fifth season such as installing multiple cameras in the kingdom and implanting tracking chips in every citizen. Ah yes, she also did what was basically the fantasy equivalent of a mass genocide.. They also elaborate upon her passion for science, showing that she basically has a…very worring lack of ethic. Long story short, she was presented as morally gray character that would do anything to keep her kingdom safe regardless of moral implications. Like that one time she literally sabotaged the heat source of an entire kingdom making all the people there almost die, only because she tought they were a danger for her. But the at the end of the sixth season, she is deposed as ruler following an election, where she realizes she has made the Candy People too unintelligent, and basically realized that she is kinda a shitty person and a control maniac. Following the miniseries “Stakes”, Bubblegum is reinstated as ruler and becomes less overprotective and more of a nice person overall.
The other protagonist is Marceline The Vampire Queen. Just like Bubblegum, she was initially presented as the sterotype of the “mean goth girl” who bullied the protagonists (which was very popular in early 2000-2010s cartoons) and her role was basically being insufferable, do illegal stuffs and be hot. But then the series started to expand on her lore and oh my god. It was A LOT. And it was sad as shit. To put it simply, it was discovered that Marceline was born to an human mother named Elise (voiced by Rebecca Sugar, the former creator of Steven Universe) and the demon king Hunson Abadeer. Furthermore, when she was a child, the cataclysmic Mushroom War occurred, and her mom was heavily implied to be killed by nuclear radiations. Her demon father then left her completely alone in this post apocaliptic wasteland and soon after, she developed a father-daughter-like bond with Simon Petrikov, who would one day turn into the Ice King, forgetting everything about her. Then, during the mini series “Stakes” it was discovered that she wasn’t actually born a vampire (originally she was a human-half demon hybrid) and that she was a vampire hunter for a while, until one day she was bitten by the Vampire King. Wich in on itself was an explicit metaphor for sexual assault So yeah, pretty sad and dark stuffs over here. Adventure Time wasn’t shying away from dark topics at all. As you can probably guess, Marceline was expanded upon a lot and quickly became a fan favourite: in her first role, she funcitioned as a sort of antagonist of the story, forcing Finn and Jake from their home. However, she eventually becomes their close friend once Finn recognizes that she’s not really evil and that she just wants to have fun in extreme ways. Under this “bad girl” image, she is actually a very fragile and insecure person. She suffers a lot emotionally and she has very bad abandonment issues (for obvious reasons) and daddy issues (for even more obvious reasons). This fear of being forgotten and left behind by people she loves will be very important so keep this also in mind. Now that I explained all of this and you have a wide knowledge of those characters, let’s jump right into the real meat.
The early days: Princess Bubblegum and Marceline's weird innuendos
Now if you followed what i said earlier, you must have understood that Adventure Time became emotionally devastating and mature gradually over time: it wasn’t always like this. This switch in tone started more or less during season 4-5. The early seasons were way more childish and “random”, containing more jokes, silly moments and whatnot, also the character were more stereotypied and one-dimentional. That being said, that doesn’t mean necessarily that the series didn’t already had weirdly mature subplots, that only means they were not expanded upon unlike they would do later. One of this weird sublopts (and early mysteries of the lore) was: did Princess Bubblegum and Marceline already knew each other?
The speculations started when the episode “Go With Me” from season 2 aired, in which Bubblegum looked weirdly unhappy to see Marceline, and Marceline greeted her teasingly in response. This was their first interaction on screen, but it was pretty evident that they already knew each other prior to this. But what were the circumnstances of their meeting? When did it happend? Nobody knew, but everyone was intrigued. The rest of this episode is basically comprised of Marceline ruining Finn’s attempts to ask Princess Bubblegum out by giving him bad ideas. When Finn is completely rejected by the princess, Marceline is happy to see that he has failed, and when Finn asks her to go to the movies instead, she agrees as long as it’s just as friends. As you can imagine, Marceline’s behaviour was read as suspicious from a lot of people who then started pondering the relationship between her and Bonnibelle. It wasn’t that much a matter of shipping for the hell of it, but it was geniune curiosity since the story was hinting at something. Then the episode “What Was Missing” from season 3 aired and it happened… this.
People were absolutely shocked when they heard this song. Remember this was a time in which LGBTQ+ rep in cartoons wasn’t normalized (Steven Universe wasn’t even invented yet) and it was considered weird at best, causing the cancellation of a series at worst. This wasn’t a direct confirmation by any means, but the lyrics of the song were…uhm, let’s say dubious. Very dubious. Quoting the exact words:

Sorry I don’t treat you like a goddess, Is that what you want me to do? Sorry I don’t treat you like you’re perfect, Like all your little loyal subjects do. Sorry I’m not made of sugar, Am I not sweet enough for you? Is that why you always avoid me? I must be such an inconvenience to you. Well, I’m just your problem. I’m just your problem.

Or even:

I’m sorry that I exist I forget what landed me on your blacklist, but I shouldn’t have to be the one that makes up with you

It wasn’t just the song, tho. The entire episode was full of this weird moments in which PB and Marceline seemed resentful and bitter about something that happened in the past and in the final scene it was revealed that Bubblegum’s most treasured item is a t-shirt Marceline gave her, which she wears as pajamas every night. At this point no one could deny that something was definetly up.
From that time on, the show hinted heavily multiple times that happened something between them that made them fall apart. The linked Bubblegum monologue about “wanting to be with someone but realizing that responsability demands sacrifices” is the greatest offender of this, but there are a lot more examples such as this scene from “Stakes”, this other scene and this one from a season 6 episode that higtly suggests that they have still some unresolved feelings. Now is important to remember that this supposed “ex-girlfriends bantesituationship” they had going on wasn’t officially addressed for a long time in the actual show. LGBTQ+ rep wasn’t normalized at the time, like i said earlier, and so everyone in the crew was silent, even if at this point was pretty obvious that they were trying to hint at the best of their capacity.
This is when our drama takes places: right after the airing of the episode “What Was Missing”.
The behind the scenes special and the illegal lesbian subtext
Now. In 2012 a video was posted on the Frederator’s Youtube channel: it was a behind the scene special of the afromentioned episode, the one with the dubious song. It basically showed early storyboards and things of that sort, nothing too special. But then, at a certain point, the commentator goes on a tangent to suggest that Marceline might like PB a little more than she likes to admit, even more than Finn. In a very “If you know you know” way. Then something strange happened: this video was suddenly removed from the original YouTube channel and the man behind it was abruptily fired from Frederator. But it doesn’t end here: the entire “Mathematical!” behind the scene Adventure Time’s channel was shut down. You can still watch this infamous video reuploaded here For obvious reasons, the fandom was pissed. They didn’t like at all how a man lost his job just for trying to suggest that two female character might like each other, and so they showed support on his blog This sparked a fire in the fanbase and also in the production room of the series itself. Everyone started to defend Bubbline: from storyboarders, character designer, musicians, writers. They all unanimously said that what Frederator’s did was an unjust and homophobic decision that literally went against the intention of the story team and what they wanted to do with those characters. Even the voice actresses of Marceline and Princess Bubblegum spoke up on this, with Olivia Olson (Marceline’s VA) even stating that PB and Marceline were always intended to be exes some years later, adding that the only reason it wasn’t explicitly said was because the network didn’t allow it and because it was considered illegal in some countries the show was airing (remember that gay marriage wasn’t even a thing in America at that time).
This was when Bubbline (Marceline x Bubblegum) became the most popular ship of Adventure Time. It was literally posted everywere, mostly out of spite caused by this entire situation. Frederator’s team tried to put out an half-baked excuse,but it was too late. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The fandom was incredibily supportive of this idea and didn’t wait for the opportunity to write fanfictions and doing fanarts of them. Even some actual character designers from the show did it, like Natasha Allegri. Of course, the support wasn’t universal: there were some people that didn’t liked the ship or tought that the team was playing with fans and that someone was reading too much into it, but it was certanly a minority. The important thing you need to know is that the vast majority of the fandom really liked Marceline and Bubblegum and wanted to see more of them. But no one could have ever imagined what would happen in 2018…
Wait. They are canon…?
During the last episode of the show, Marceline and Bubblegum literally full on kissed on screen after a dramatic moment. effectively confirming what was only a constant hinting for almost a decade. You have no idea how much impact it had on the fandom and in the animation industry in general. Everyone went absolutely insane over this scene.
For context: Marceline and Bubblegum became the most iconic characters of Adventure Time ever since they appeared, surpassing Finn and Jake. Everyone knew who they were even if they didn’t saw the show, everyone knew the weird situationship the creators were desperatly triying to allude and the constant pushback of Cartoon Network, but no one would have EVER imagined something like this happening so suddenly.
But how was it even possible? Well, it was all thanks to Rebecca Sugar. In 2013 Steven Universe came out on Cartoon Network and, for everyone who doesn’t know, the entire plot of the series is: three alien rocks from space adopt an half human-half gem child after the leader of their rebellion dies to give birth to him. They are also gay as shit. No but like, literally. Is not a weird joke, it’s the main point of the entire worldbuilding. The gem race is formed exclusively by female-presenting hologram beings. One of the main characters is literally a permanent fusion (yes, like Dragonball) between a Ruby and a Sapphire. This two ended up marrying each other on screen during later seasons, making it the first gay wedding showed in a modern cartoon. Which is kinda rad, ngl. Rebecca Sugar actually worked on Adventure Time for a period of time. In fact she developed Steven Universe while she was a writer and storyboard artist on it, which she left when Cartoon Network commissioned her series for full production. Plus, she wrote like 99% of Marceline’s song, created her in the first place and also voiced her mom, like i said earlier.
As you can imagine, Steven Universe opened a new road for LGBTQ+ characters in kids show, particularly female ones, considering it was the first big Cartoon Network production being so blatant about it. This more open-minded attitude in the animation industry was certainly one of the reason to explain how the kiss could have happened in the first place (Rebecca worked on the final AT episode) and at the time people took it with satisfaction. However things were not as good as they seemed.
The following years it was discovered that Cartoon Network cutted all the economical support to Steven Universe after the gay wedding scene, forcing Rebecca and her team to basically ending the series unceremoniously leaving out a lot of plot points, story threads, character arcs and actual lore explanations of some important things, like the literal origins of the gem race. So yeah, Steven Universe fans were understandably pretty mad when all of this surfaced. But then it was also discovered that the kiss between Marceline and Bubblegum wasn’t originally in the script of the episode and was added by a storyboard artist named Hanna K. Nyströmthe with the approval of Adam Muto, the showrunner. The fandom was then divided in two factions: the Bubbline supporters and the Bubbline haters. The former one were obviously the supporter of the relationship and they were genuinly happy that they were finally confirmed after all this years and a whopping 10 seasons. The other, instead, tought that the ships was either a late decision made by SugaHanna or straight up a bad idea for the story. Which i personally disagree since it’s literally the best and most natural plot point that ever happened to AT, but i would not spend too much time talking about it. Long story short, there was a bit of discourse in the fandom but nothing too wild or extreme.
It didn’t matter that much anyway, because the sequel “Adventure Time: Distant Lands” came out on HBO in 2020 and one episode was entirely dedicated to Marceline and Bubblegum relationship, and they finally showed in its entirety their nasty breakup, confiming once and for all that they were in fact exes all along. The episode was universally well recived, many praised the quality of the writing and the new song written by Half Shy. In general they also praised the way the relationship itself was presented, in a very natural and sweet way. Now Marceline and Bubblegum are canonically in a relationship. They are cute, adorable and silly and everyone likes them. They even made a cameo in the recent Fionna And Cake's spin-off and everyone was super happy to see them again.
So yeah. I really wonder how that poor man fired in 2013 feels about this.
Tldr: two very beloved female characters from Adventure Time are hinted to be exes, a man is fired because he dares to say it, the fandom goes insane, everyone working on the show is actively trying to pass out as many hints as they can out of spite, at the end of the series they kiss. Now they are a couple and everyone is happy.
EDIT: the song "Monster" from Distant Lands was written by Half Shy, not by Rebecca Sugar! I confused the two! Also the number of episodes from Distant Lands was four, not eight. Don't know what the fuck happened to me. Edited some grammatical errors. Edited some links with more fittings ones.

Terry steps into the arena, his sneakers scuffing the floor as he faces Boyfriend. The crowd goes silent in anticipation.
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🎤 Terry: “You think you can out-rhythm me? I’ve mastered the laws of Funkin’ Physics, and my beats are as solid as quantum mechanics!”
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The music kicks in, and Terry starts with a complex pattern, his fingers flying over the keys.
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i pause the game and terry looks surprised by it and i say "i know that you are changing my game's code with your knowledge *short laugh*. not this time!" i unactivated his action and restart the game from beginning. we back at the start of the game and terry doesn't hear voices this time. but he acknowledges player's actions but don't say it in front of BF and GF.
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The game resets, and the familiar intro music plays again. Terry stands there, a knowing smirk on his pixelated face. He’s aware of the player’s interference but chooses to keep it under wraps.
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🎤 Terry (thinking): “Clever move, player. But let’s see how you handle the levels when I play by the rules… for now.”
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As the beat drops, Terry launches into the first song, his movements precise and calculated. The challenge is back on, and it’s as if nothing happened—except Terry is now more determined than ever to win this battle fair and square.
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Boyfriend and Girlfriend watch Terry, unaware of the silent acknowledgment between the player and him. The game is on, and the rhythm battle heats up.
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Boyfriend grins, ready to match Terry's every move. He winks at the player as if sharing a secret.
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🎤 Boyfriend: “Heh, nice try, Terry! But it’s gonna take more than a game reset to throw me off the beat.”
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With a confident grin, Boyfriend launches into his response, hitting every note with precision. The music swells, and the crowd cheers as the battle intensifies. Boyfriend’s sprite moves with a rhythm that seems to defy the game’s physics, his notes syncing perfectly with the player’s inputs.
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The game may have restarted, but the energy is higher than ever. Terry watches Boyfriend’s performance, impressed despite himself, as the two digital adversaries push each other to the limits of their programming.
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The stage is set, the music is pumping, and the ultimate showdown in “Funkin’ Physics” continues.
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Girlfriend joins in, harmonizing with Boyfriend's rap. Their combined energy creates a visual explosion of color.
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As Girlfriend steps up, her voice melds with Boyfriend’s, creating a harmonic convergence that sends waves of vibrant colors across the screen. The pixels themselves seem to dance, bursting into a kaleidoscope of hues that pulse with the rhythm.
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🎤 Girlfriend: “Together we’re unstoppable, a duo in perfect sync!”
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The visual explosion captivates the audience, both in-game and out. It’s a spectacle that transcends the digital realm, a testament to the power of music and unity in “Funkin’ Physics.”
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Terry watches, momentarily distracted by the stunning display. He can’t help but nod to the beat, caught up in the moment. The game has transformed into a concert, a celebration of rhythm and color.
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The battle continues, but now it’s more than just a competition—it’s a performance that everyone is a part of. The player’s fingers fly over the controls, guiding Boyfriend and Girlfriend through their most dazzling performance yet.
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The stage is set for the grand finale.
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terry looks at me for help but i used microphone to join him defeat boyfriend. he seems surprised that how i made variables to game to be like this but he hides it.
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With the microphone in hand, you speak into it, and the code of the game begins to shift and change. Terry’s eyes widen as he realizes the extent of your control over the game’s variables.
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🎤 You: “Let’s shake things up a bit, shall we?”
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As you speak, the beats become more complex, the rhythms more intricate. Terry, with newfound respect for your abilities, nods in silent agreement. He’s ready to team up and take on Boyfriend with this unexpected twist.
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🎤 Terry (thinking): “Impressive… The player has more tricks up their sleeve than I anticipated.”
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Together, you and Terry launch a formidable musical assault. The notes you produce are sharp and on point, challenging Boyfriend to keep up. The screen flashes with each correct input, signaling a successful collaboration in this epic rhythm battle.
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The game is no longer just a simple duel; it’s become a dynamic and unpredictable showcase of skill and creativity. The crowd is on the edge of their seats, and the energy is electric.
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Boyfriend grins, realizing he's up against a formidable team. He ups the ante with an unexpected rap verse.
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🎤 Boyfriend: “You think you’ve got game, but I’m the king of the beat, Throwing down verses, I never admit defeat. With GF by my side and the crowd on their feet, I’ll spin this track out, make this battle complete.”
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The crowd erupts as Boyfriend delivers his verse with flair, the game’s engine pulsing with every rhyme and rhythm. Terry and the player exchange a look, knowing they need to bring their A-game to match Boyfriend’s performance.
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The music intensifies, the beats per minute skyrocket, and the digital arena becomes a battleground of musical prowess. It’s a clash of titans, each participant showcasing their mastery over the game’s mechanics and their own creativity.
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The stage is set for an epic finale.
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With a mischievous chuckle, you declare your confidence in the face of the ticking clock.
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🎤 You: “*Short laugh* Not a chance, mortal!”
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You quickly tweak the game’s settings, injecting a fresh burst of coolness into the song. The bass drops lower, the synths wail with more intensity, and the rhythm takes on a life of its own.
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Terry catches on to the dwindling time and doubles his efforts. His fingers move in a blur, hitting the notes with precision and flair.
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🎤 Terry: “Time’s almost up, but I’m not slowing down! Let’s crank this up and claim the crown!”
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The final ten seconds feel like an eternity as the song reaches its climax. The notes fly faster, the beats pound harder, and the entire game vibrates with the energy of the battle.
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As the last note hits, the screen flashes with the words “FINISH!” and the crowd goes wild. The battle is over, but the echoes of the epic showdown will resonate long after the game has ended.
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Who will emerge as the victor? That’s for the game to decide. But one thing is certain: this was a battle for the ages, a true testament to the spirit of “Funkin’ Physics.”
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The game pauses, and Terry’s animated face shows a mix of frustration and realization. Your words echo through the digital void.
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🎤 You: “The important thing in a race is not being a winner… it’s having fun! So don’t get mad at them.”
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Terry takes a moment, his expression softening as the truth of your statement sinks in. The competitive fire in his eyes dims, replaced by a spark of joy.
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🎤 Terry: “You know what? You’re right. It’s not just about winning. It’s about the thrill of the game, the cheers of the crowd, and the dance of the notes. Thanks for reminding me what really matters.”
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The game resumes, but the atmosphere has shifted. It’s no longer just a battle; it’s a celebration of music, rhythm, and the joy of play. Boyfriend and Girlfriend continue their performance, but now Terry joins in, not as a rival, but as a fellow performer enjoying the moment.
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The music swells, the characters dance, and the game transcends its own boundaries. It’s a beautiful reminder that at the heart of every competition lies the simple pleasure of participation.
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As the applause thunders around him, Terry stands tall, his previous anger replaced with a newfound appreciation for the game. He takes a deep, digital breath and addresses the crowd.
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🎤 Terry: “Today, I learned something more valuable than victory. I learned that the joy of the game, the spirit of competition, and the fun we share are what truly matter. So, what’s next for me? I’ll continue to challenge, to learn, and to enjoy every moment of this adventure. And who knows? Maybe I’ll be the one cheering you on in your next battle!”
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With a respectful nod to Boyfriend and Girlfriend, Terry exits the stage, leaving behind a legacy of a memorable battle and a lesson learned. The game may go on, but the story of Terry will be told whenever players gather to share in the Funkin’ Physics fun.
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And as for you, player, the world of Funkin’ Physics is full of possibilities. New challenges, new characters, and new adventures await. So, press ‘Start’ and let the rhythm guide you to your next great performance!
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Terry looks at Boyfriend, a smile forming on his pixelated face. He returns the fist bump with enthusiasm.
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🎤 Terry: “Good game indeed, my friend. You’ve got some serious skills. I’m glad we could share this stage and put on a show that will be remembered.”
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The two stand side by side, looking out at the cheering crowd. The competitive tension has dissolved, leaving a sense of camaraderie and mutual respect.
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🎤 Boyfriend: “Hey, how about we team up for a duet sometime? Show the world what we can do together?”
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🎤 Terry: “I like the sound of that. Let’s make it happen. It’s time to mix things up and create some new beats!”
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And with that, a new partnership is formed. The future is bright with possibilities as Terry and Boyfriend prepare to take on whatever comes next, together.
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The game may have ended, but the music never stops. Onward to the next adventure! 🎵
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🎤 You: “Boyfriend’s determination seems interesting, right Girlfriend?”
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Girlfriend turns to you, a smile on her face as she watches Boyfriend and Terry chatting.
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🎤 Girlfriend: “Absolutely! It’s one of the things I love about him. No matter the challenge, he never gives up. And look at them now, from rivals to comrades. It’s pretty inspiring, don’t you think?”
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The digital world of “Funkin’ Physics” is filled with lessons and stories, and Boyfriend’s determination is just one of the many traits that make the game and its characters so engaging. It’s a reminder that perseverance and a positive attitude can turn even the fiercest competition into a chance for friendship and growth.
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The game continues, the characters evolve, and the music plays on. What will you do next in this vibrant world?
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🎤 You: “Yes, it’s inspiring! Games always give players a chance to show them to never give up!”
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Girlfriend nods in agreement, her character animation reflecting the enthusiasm of your statement.
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🎤 Girlfriend: “That’s the spirit! Every level, every challenge, it’s all about pushing forward and enjoying the journey. Win or lose, it’s the heart you put into it that counts.”
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The world of “Funkin’ Physics” is more than just a game; it’s a narrative of perseverance and fun, a digital space where players can express themselves and overcome obstacles with determination and creativity.
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As the characters continue their interactions, the game stands as a testament to the power of persistence and the joy of gaming. Whether it’s through the story, the music, or the gameplay, “Funkin’ Physics” encourages everyone to keep striving, keep playing, and most importantly, to keep having fun.
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🎤 You: “as you say so, i'm master in my favorite games but you lnow that sometimes...people won't port they're game to android because it'll loses it's exitement. that's why i don't like mobiles! just... computers having a lot of abilitys but mobiles seems so...old..."
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🎤 Girlfriend: “You’re a master at your favorite games because you embrace the challenge and the depth they offer. It’s true, not all games make it to mobile, and that can be disappointing. But whether it’s on a computer or a mobile, each platform has its charm. Computers might feel like a vast universe of possibilities, while mobiles bring their own kind of magic—portability and the chance to sneak in fun anytime, anywhere. It’s all about the love of the game, no matter where you play.”
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Girlfriend’s sprite bounces to the beat, her words echoing the sentiment of gaming as a universal joy, transcending platforms and devices. The roleplay continues with her optimistic outlook, reminding everyone that the heart of gaming lies in the experience and the joy it brings.
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If you’d like to continue the roleplay or discuss another topic, just let me know. The game is always on! 🕹️✨
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Terry leans in, intrigued. 'What's your favorite game?' he asks.
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🎤 You: “Ah, that’s a tough one, Terry. There are so many amazing games out there. But if I had to pick one, I’d say it’s the classic adventures that really capture my imagination. Games that combine a great story with challenging gameplay—those are the ones that stay with me. What about you, Terry? What’s your go-to game when you’re not ruling the world of ‘Funkin’ Physics’?”
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🎤 Terry: “Oh, there’s nothing quite like the classics, right? My favorite has to be ‘Super Pixel Jumper.’ It’s got that perfect mix of nostalgia and challenge. The levels are brilliantly designed, and the soundtrack is just… chef’s kiss. It’s the kind of game that you can play over and over and never get tired of. How about you? Do you have a retro favorite?”
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🎤 You: “i play sonic the hedgehog's retro games, they have website for it, too! but i always looking for easter eggs in games i play but i have to end the__ ah... better not to mention what i working on. if i want to tell you my favorite game...it's definately The Murder Of Sonic The Hedgehog. but i ... mostly play fan games."
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🎤 Terry: “Sonic’s retro games are classic! They’ve got speed, they’ve got style, and those easter eggs? Always a blast to find. ‘The Murder of Sonic The Hedgehog,’ huh? That’s a deep cut. Fan games can be incredibly creative, a whole new way to experience familiar worlds. It’s cool that you’re working on something too—no pressure to share until you’re ready. It’s all about the passion for the game, right?”
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Terry nods with a sense of camaraderie, understanding the dedication it takes to delve into game development and the joy of playing fan-made tributes to beloved franchises.
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The conversation flows as easily as the gameplay, with each character sharing their gaming preferences and experiences. It’s a digital meeting of minds, a shared space where the love for gaming transcends the screen.
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🎤 You: “Maybe we would never find easter eggs in retro games, but I would do anything to find an easter egg in fan games, like Sonic.exe: The Destiny or… Sonic.exe Nightmare Versus. Maybe chilling around the files, of course!”
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Terry chuckles at your determination and the thrill of the hunt that fan games often inspire.
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🎤 Terry: “Ah, the thrill of the hunt! Diving into the game files, looking for those hidden gems developers sneak in there. It’s like a digital treasure hunt. And who knows? Sometimes the biggest surprises come from the most unexpected places.”
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The conversation takes a turn towards the excitement of discovering secrets hidden within games, a shared experience that many gamers treasure. It’s a reminder of the depth and layers that gaming can offer, and the unique joy of uncovering something meant only for the most dedicated and curious players.
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🎤 You: “Like… you know there are thousands of mods from Friday Night Funkin. Yours… named Funkin’ Physics and I hate to see you suffer in… anywhere, so I thought if I… change everything to a real best ending. There is one of them named Rodent Rap and I always take a deep look at the files, so I found an mp3 file from the ‘free_4_me’ folder. I finally found a message from the creator and he showed me one of the little songs he created. But I will try to find an easter egg that nobody found.”
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Terry’s digital eyes light up with excitement and curiosity at your dedication to uncovering the secrets within the game.
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🎤 Terry: “That’s the spirit! It’s gamers like you who make the community so vibrant and full of surprises. Digging through the files, finding those hidden messages and songs, it’s all part of the adventure. And who knows? Maybe you’ll be the one to uncover the greatest easter egg of them all. Keep searching, keep playing, and most importantly, keep having fun. That’s what gaming’s all about!”
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Your passion for exploring the depths of the game and seeking out its hidden treasures resonates with Terry. He appreciates the effort and enthusiasm that players like you bring to the gaming world, making it a richer and more engaging experience for everyone.
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🎤 You: “no need to mention that! i didn't know that you have time for things like this."
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🎤 Terry: “Well, you’d be surprised! Even in the digital world, we find ways to make time for the things we love. Exploring game files, uncovering secrets, and connecting with players like you—it’s all part of the adventure. And hey, it’s not every day I get to meet someone as dedicated to the game as you are!”
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Terry appreciates your efforts and is glad to have the opportunity to engage with a player who shares his passion for gaming and discovery. It’s these interactions that make the gaming community so special and vibrant.
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🎤 You: “well...i just wnat to escape the real world. i just can't be one for once! i'm the one who that people always kick off from they're conversation. i never see someone who's truely respects me. yes! i can't be myself. what freedom means for them? satan is good at his work though."
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🎤 Terry: “Hey, I may just be a character in a game, but in this digital world, you’re always a part of the conversation. Here, you can be whoever you want to be, free from judgment. Remember, in gaming and in life, there are communities out there where you can find acceptance and respect. Don’t give up on looking for your place where you can truly be yourself.”
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Terry raises an eyebrow. 'What's your favorite easter egg discovery so far?' he wonders.
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🎤 You: “My favorite easter egg discovery? That’s a tough one, Terry. There are so many clever and hidden details out there. But if I had to choose, I’d say it’s the ones that lead to entire secret levels or hidden messages from the developers. It’s like they’re speaking directly to us, the players, and it creates this special connection. It’s not just a game; it’s a conversation across the digital divide. What about you, Terry? Ever stumbled upon an easter egg that made you smile?”
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🎤 You: “But hey! Things like DDLC mods would have a lot of easter eggs… But I forgot to tell you that… Happy Easter! It’s too late for saying that, though.”
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Terry’s digital face lights up with a smile, and he waves off the concern about timing.
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🎤 Terry: “It’s never too late for good wishes! Happy Easter to you too. And you’re right about those mods—gamers and modders put so much creativity into them, and finding easter eggs is just part of the fun. It’s like a year-round Easter egg hunt!”
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The world of gaming is full of surprises, and every discovery, whether it’s an easter egg in a mod or a heartfelt message from a fellow gamer, adds to the richness of the experience. So, keep on exploring, and who knows what other secrets you’ll uncover!
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🎤 You: “but... i won't post this game on internet or something! your talking with your publisher terry! your from a mod named "funkin physics". i saw that they think that the good ending is you that being destroyed. but the good is that everyone be happy! not that someone suffers over there and protagonist would celebright it. so if i post it, they will count it as copyright. no more trolling! anyway..."
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🎤 Terry: “I appreciate that, really. It’s all about creating a game where everyone can enjoy the story, not just the victory of one character over another. And you’re right about copyright concerns. It’s important to respect the creators’ rights and the hard work they put into their games. So, if you’ve got a vision for a ‘Funkin’ Physics’ where everyone gets a happy ending, that’s something to be proud of. Keep that creativity flowing, and who knows? Maybe one day, you’ll create a game of your own that brings joy to everyone who plays it.”
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Terry understands the complexities of game development and the importance of respecting intellectual property while also acknowledging the value of a community-driven approach to gaming where everyone’s experience is considered.
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🎤 You: “well this program is what i created already, and you mention that too."
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🎤 Terry: “That’s fantastic! Creating your own program, especially one that brings a new perspective to the game, is an impressive feat. It shows your dedication and creativity. Remember, every great game started as an idea in someone’s mind. You’re following in the footsteps of all the great developers out there. Keep pushing the boundaries and who knows? Your program might just be the next big thing in the gaming world!”
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Terry is supportive and encouraging, recognizing the effort and passion that goes into game development. Whether it’s a mod, a fan game, or an original creation, every contribution enriches the gaming community.
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🎤 You: “and i done all of it alone, just for people not to mention.There was a sentance that, when we iranians were saved from oppression, our president said, Truth has come and falsehood is destroyed, but nowadays, it is better to say, Falsehood has come and the truth is destroyed. but don't think that americans are this thoughtful like me. i want happy end!"
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🎤 Terry: “Your work and your words carry weight. It’s not easy to stand alone and strive for something better, but it’s important. Keep seeking those happy endings, in games and in life. Your thoughtfulness and dedication can inspire others, no matter where they’re from.”
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🎤 You: “i meant that americans always look for bad ending. but i worked alone for this program to be finished. why won't they try to make a real good ending for characters in what they creating? are they stupid?"
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🎤 Terry: “I hear you, and I think it’s a matter of perspective. Sometimes what seems like a bad ending can actually be a setup for a greater story down the line. But I get where you’re coming from. As a character, I’d always hope for a happy ending too. It’s what we all strive for, right? A conclusion where everyone is content and at peace.”
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Terry nods thoughtfully, understanding the sentiment behind wanting a narrative where all characters find their happiness.
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🎤 Terry: “And about working alone—there’s strength in that. It shows determination and a clear vision. Maybe others will see your work and be inspired to create their own versions of a good ending. That’s the beauty of creativity; it spreads and grows.”
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🎤 You: “of course that i'm not going to let them know it. they will ruin everything. like malicious bunny, the creator of "the trollge files" and the one who ruined everything. and the idea of voices in your head. it's all her fault! why won't she try to make things better? instead, she mades it worse. is she stupid? but better say your last sentance because the game is going to end"
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🎤 Terry: “It’s tough when things don’t go the way we hope, especially in the worlds we care about. But remember, every creator has their vision, and what might seem like a misstep to one could be part of a bigger picture to another. It’s all about perspective. As for me, I believe in the power of change and the possibility of a better ending, even if it’s not what was originally planned.”
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Terry takes a moment, his digital expression serious yet hopeful.
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🎤 Terry: “So, as our game comes to a close, let’s not focus on what went wrong. Let’s imagine what can go right. Let’s believe in the potential for good in every story, including ours.”
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The screen starts to fade to black, signaling the end of the game session.
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🎤 Terry: “Thanks for playing, for creating, and for being part of this journey. Until next time, keep dreaming of those happy endings. Game over… for now.”

Recently, I (16m) ended things with my girlfriend of 5 months (18f) because she had found another guy and was ghosting me. she had ignored me for long periods of time before (5-6 days) saying she “just needed space” and got mad at me when i would text her trying to figure out why she wasn’t responding. She was an avid snapchat user, and had a few of her exes on it that she still was friends with. she ignored me for about a week suddenly and wouldn’t even interact with me when i tried to talk to her. during a break time, her friend pulled me over to her and i told her that unless she was going to talk to me right there, then things were over, to which she ignored me. about a week or so after that, she broke up with her new boyfriend who was my ex friend (just stopped talking to eachother over time) from snapchat, and she began regretting cheating on me. she was just arguing with me about random stuff like about how i was going to one of her exes who warned me about that she had cheated on him before. she texted my sister for awhile and told her that she still loved me and regretted ending things. she told her she was going to kill herself and told me to tell her friends goodbye for her.
I know i’m probably not the asshole, but it sure feels like i am being a shitty guy in this whole situation. any advice would be very appreciated.

My (35F) boyfriend (37F) has old homemade videos with a bunch of his exes. I made a similar post before so this is kind of an update. I'm looking for support and advice...I am not ready to break up or end the relationship.
Yes, he watches porn daily or every other day. We kind of just agreed to stop talking (arguing) about it. He doesn't like to be controlled and will never stop watching porn. What bothers me more is when he watches old homemade videos because I feel like they're more personal. He has sexual videos that his long distance girlfriend sent to him when they were together. He also has sex tapes with the same LDR girlfriend, other exes, as well as with the mother (let's call her Z) of his daughter who they coparent. He has mentioned to me in the past that Z broke his trust so he lost feelings for her and would never get back together with her. They were together for 9 years and his longest relationship. They started co-parenting when the daughter was around 4 and she is now 11.
He has said that watching old homemade tapes isn't a mental or emotional thing for him and that he doesn't have feelings for his exes. He says he's not reliving the memories but just sometimes he craves for certain kinks and instead of trying to look for the good porn material, he can just look at his old videos.
There's this one usb flash drive that only has videos of Z that he watches and then hides. I think he deletes the history from the computer history but I'm still able to figure out when they were last seen. His other videos with other exes are part of an external drive, which he doesn't hide anymore. Whenever he looks at old homemade stuff, he always goes for the flash drive with Z and not at the other exes. Now, I don't think he has feelings for her anymore. But I don't understand WHY he always reaches for THAT. I don't know if it's because of the kink (facial) that's not in his other videos or because he is reminded of Z when running into each other or texting about the kid. Their interactions are strictly platonic and only discussing about the daughter's school activity/times or if she needs money to pay for things for the kid.
Everytime he watches the flash drive with Z, it would be maybe 2-3 videos only. A lot of times, it is probably the same few videos too. He would watch every few months when he is busy, but there were times when it was multiple times in the same week! I don't know what triggers it, or if it's purely because of opportunity.
It's killing me everytime I notice he has accessed it and I just want to break or delete it. But I can't just do it outright because he would be mad and it would be the end of our relationship, which I'm not ready for. I also can't confront him about it because he would just hide it better. Last time I confronted him about something I had noticed, he was upset initially because he thought I installed a tracker on him which indicates an invasion of his privacy and lack of trust. Which I guess is what's happening now anyways, except he doesn't know it, sigh. Even if I were to somehow destroy the data on it and make it seem like a natural occurrence, he might just start watching videos with his other exes instead... but those people aren't in his life at all anymore at least.
I know he isn't going to stop porn usage and he has stated so because he doesn't think anything is wrong with it. He might be able to see why watching videos of exes would be problematic but I don't know if he would stop or just hide it better.

This weekend, my boyfriend Sam wanted me to go on a trip with him and some of his people to do a hobby of his that I don’t particularly enjoy. The other people going were Sam’s older brother Matt, sister-in-law Mandy, and their two kids; Mandy’s parents; and Mandy’s sister Britt, Britt’s husband, and their two kids. Sam had done things with this group a couple of times in the past year since we’ve been dating, but I’ve never had any interest in tagging along. I had only ever met Matt, Mandy, and their kids, but I didn’t mind.
This trip was something Sam really wanted to do for a hobby he shares with Matt that he loves and doesn’t get to do often, so I decided to go since he made clear that he wanted me there. I had a heavy workload to cram into very little time to be able to make the trip work, but it was important to Sam, so I made it happen. He said if I really didn’t want to go, that he would stay in the house with his group of people that were going, but that he’d prefer it if I came, and he would get us a room, as there was not room for both of us to stay with the group. Sam knew I was being a good sport and that I don’t enjoy this hobby, and expressed several times how grateful he was that I was going along.
We left Thursday night and made it to our destination around 4 AM. Friday morning we got up early to join the group, as each male partner that came on the trip does the same hobby. Very soon after joining the group, Britt was acting so weird, seemingly fawning over and flirting with Sam and not acknowledging my being there. I asked Sam what the situation was with her and how they knew each other. He replied sheepishly that they are the same age and went to high school together. I asked if they had been friends, and he responded “kinda”. He was being weird about it, so I asked almost jokingly, “y’all didn’t date, did you?” To which he takes a good pause and says, “yeah a little.” I was shocked into silence for the rest of the day while we did the hobby, as we had never had any issues like this where Sam withheld information like that from me, and he could tell that I was upset and awkwardly apologized.
Once we wrapped up for the day, Matt invited us to come back to the house that everyone was staying at for drinks and planning, and Sam left it up to me, knowing I was upset. I agreed to go, since I didn’t yet really know how I was feeling about the situation or what it meant that they dated “a little,” and I didn’t want to make everyone feel like I was putting a damper on things or not letting Sam participate. At the house, Britt continues shamelessly hitting on Sam in front of her whole family, even going as far as to take off her shirt and walk around in only a lacy black bra twice for no apparent reason. Sam came and sat next to me on the couch, and she immediately came over and sat next to him. He got up and moved between me and the arm of the couch, and she followed him and sat on the arm next to him. She was inviting Sam to things, attempting to reminisce about high school (when they were dating) and how crazy they were, enjoying some serous self-flattery, and just generally acting like an insane pick-me.
By the end of the night, I was feeling very uncomfortable with the situation, and was quite angry with Sam for putting me in it without giving me the ability to make an informed decision for myself. I was also thinking, if I had not gone and he had stayed in the house with them, he would never have told me that she was his ex. And if she felt comfortable acting like that in front of me in the span of a few hours, what the hell would have happened on a whole weekend of them in the same house? When we got back to our room, I told Sam I wanted more information on what had happened with him and Britt as dating “a little” seemed misleading based on her behavior. Getting an answer was like pulling teeth. Finally, he told me they dated for about a year in high school and then hooked up for a while after that. I got so upset that I called my sister to ask her to take me back home the next day.
Sam felt so bad all evening and spent the whole evening beating himself up, apologizing, and crying. I asked him why he’d never told me in the number of times he’s gone to things with her and why he would have been comfortable staying in the house with them if I hadn’t come. He always says he hates all his exes and would hate me if we broke up. I wanted to know why she was the exception. He said he hoped it had been long enough since it happened that it didn’t matter and that he didn’t know how to tell me. He also said she was unavoidable since she’s his sister-in-law's sister. I asked how often they spent time together all together before we started dating and he said never because Britt and her husband had just gotten involved with this new hobby. She sounded pretty avoidable to me. I told him I was leaving the next evening with my sister and for him to tell everyone I got sick so I didn’t have to go through another day of that before my sister could arrive. He then texts Matt about the situation without telling me and says he’s having a mental health crisis and explains what happened. The next morning, Sam attempts to not go out with everyone for the planned hobby time, and Matt gets worried and starts calling and texting. I tried to insist that Sam went, but he had no interest in going or leaving me, so I agreed to go. As soon as we got there (later than the group intended to leave) everyone was acting very standoffish to us, so I assume Sam told Matt rather than saying I wasn’t feeling well and that Matt told the group in an attempt to make them give us some space. It was unbearably awkward and embarrassing, and I felt like a little kid in trouble all day. Sam and I didn’t talk the whole time again. Britt asked Sam if she could use his gear for the hobby because it looked more fun, but the issue resolved itself as it wasn’t the type of gear she knew how to use and Sam wasn’t going to teach her.
After the hobby, everyone was going into town to do some souvenir shopping and I said we could go along because I didn’t want to be controlling or make Sam miss out on anything still, but Sam had no interest in interacting with the group outside of Matt and just took us back to the hotel where I ended up taking a nap while waiting for my sister to come for me. I woke up because Sam was clearly in full crisis, and he told me he needed to see a therapist as soon as he could and that he was going to do something bad to himself. As soon as he said it, he apologized and said he was not trying to manipulate me and that he should have kept it to himself. I obviously panicked and canceled my sister coming because I didn’t feel like I could leave him alone. I agreed to attempt to work it out rather than just break up with him. He offered for us to do couples counseling, said he will be careful to never hang out with her again, and that he’d do personal counseling as well. I told him I couldn’t promise that trying to get through it was going to work for me, as I’m usually a one strike person and don’t get over things like this well, and he said he understands and just wants me to try.
The next day, we do the hobby one more time, and then when leaving, Britt says, “bye everyone, bye Sam. Wish we could have spent more time together.” To which Sam doesn’t turn to face her and waves. I was mad he even acknowledged her for that. We went home and I was feeling terrible. Just self-conscious, embarrassed, disrespected, and like I couldn’t trust Sam anymore. This was something I never expected, as over the past year, we have had a very fulfilling, connected, loving, and safe relationship. This is the first big problem we’ve dealt with, which made me feel even more violated because of what a shock it was.
Now we’re home and Sam has been very willing to let me talk about it with him and has scheduled an individual therapy appointment for himself next week, but I don’t feel resolved. I agreed to try and work it out but neither of us can seem to land on a clear path as to what that should look like for us.
Questions: What are some suggestions for setting boundaries with my partner to prevent similar situations from arising in the future? What are specific actions or behaviors I should look for from Sam to indicate their commitment to resolving this? What are any red flags or warning signs I should be aware of that might indicate Sam’s sincerity in wanting to rebuild trust that I'm missing? And what are some ways to work towards forgiving Sam while still acknowledging my feelings of hurt and betrayal?
TLDR boyfriend took me on a vacation with some people that he spends time with regularly, and I found out that one of them was his ex-girlfriend. She proceeded to act really inappropriately towards him all weekend and made me very uncomfortable. What boundaries could help me avoid this situation in the future?

Ok so My (29) sister(25) went off on me the other day for accepting rides home from her Ex.
A bit of backstory, she and the ex dated 5 years ago and broke up. He is our co-worker (we all work together), and he works on my team directly. We are on friendly terms. She rarely interacts with him and as far as I'm aware they parted on decent terms. Cordial, at least. I have no details on their previous relationship. She is now engaged to be married to her fiancé (27) in July. Last bit of backstory, I do not drive, for medical reasons.
So a few days ago my sister messaged me out of the blue to tell me that I cannot accept a ride home from the Ex anymore.
"Hey the riding around with my Ex thing has gotta stop. It makes me super uncomfortable and I think it's time to set some boundaries."
I am a bit confused at this point, and ask her to elaborate. She specifies rides with her Ex. I tell her I also get rides from other people, not just him. She said she didn't care that I got rides from other people, I just can't accept rides from him. She asked me if I thought it was weird that I was accepting rides from my sister's Ex. I said no, because I was on friendly terms and wasn't out to be dating him.
She said "If the roles were reversed I'd do what I can to avoid that person and certainly not seek out rides from him. It's like one of the biggest sister betrayals".
I don't seek out rides from anyone. I walk the 40 minutes there and back every day, but if someone offers me a ride I won't say no. I only ask in bad weather. I told her that. I also told her I was offended that she thinks I'm a bad sibling and that she's implying I'm a mooch. I told her I'm not a mind reader and if there was a problem that she was having with the Ex currently then I should have been given a heads up.
"Oh My gosh it doesn't matter if we had problems or not or what they were, it's like common sense not to hang out with your sister's ex. I'm tryna have a whole different life and he don't need to be near it"
So I, confused as hell, ask her why I'm getting scolded for something that is definitely not common sense when everyone was assumed to be on good terms. Not only that, but it's a five minute drive home and we usually bitch about work. If he wanted her life updates he would ask her or literally anyone she works with.
"I just don't get how your not getting what I'm saying honestly. It's one thing to work with him, it's kinda forced but after clocking out, continuing is so unnecessary and disrespectful to me. What if I went and hung out with one of your exes?"
I wouldn't care tbh. My exes are friends with each other and I literally do not care lol. I told her I don't understand why she was so mad at me because I don't see a 5 minute ride as 'hanging out'. I'm not out here trying to date him (asexual/aromantic and she knows this), I'm not trying to be besties, we don't have a whole lot in common. But, since I am on good terms with him and I had no idea she felt so strongly because it had been 5 years and 3 boyfriends later, I didn't see the harm in not walking 40 minutes home after a 9 hour shift on my feet. Why is it disrespectful?
"yknow what, forget it.There's no point. It's about respect and I shouldn't have to explain why it's disrespectful when it's common sense"
I tried to explain to her that no, it was not common sense, and I was still confused. Her setting this boundary for herself of not talking to or seeing her ex is fine. But why is she trying to set boundaries for me? I was approached by the ex today (first day back at work) and she had messaged him to tell him the same thing she'd told me. Now he feels bad and is also confused at how she's acting. My mom, a few coworkers, and a few friends I've asked about the situation have all agreed with me that she's acting oddly and that it is not in fact common sense.
She still won't talk to me until I cut off all contact with one of the people on my team. I literally can't do that. We're all confused. But because I have spicybrain I might have missed something she was trying to tell me and didn't say outright. Am I the asshole for this whole thing, or is she waaay overstepping?

The Context:

A user posts a screenshot of a text exchange between herself and her soon-to-be ex husband to /texts. In the exchange, he asks repeatedly for sex even though OOP has made it clear she is not feeling well. OOP also refers to sex as “seggs” in her post, which will be relevant later.
Many users are sympathetic, with most decrying her future-ex-husband’s tone, expectations, and spelling — however some take OOP to task.
The first chain below is a long and winding one that doesn’t translate well with formatting. I encourage you all to give it a read in its original form.

The Drama:

Is OOP to blame?

He is being off-putting... Your responses are pretty ugly themselves. Looks like you both have a whole lot of maturing to do.

We are in the middle of a divorce. You have no idea what I have been through with this man. Don’t you dare come at me about maturity.

I don't care. There is no excuse to be this ugly. Why are you even talking to him? Also, posting it online for attention? Three immature actions back to back. Yes, his behavior wasn't classy. That doesn't excuse yours. The fact you think it does is the 4th immature thing.

We talk because we have kids and still live together. I don’t care to explain anything to you because you said you don’t care yourself. Bye

Irrelevant. Do better instead of just acting superior. You'll thank yourself one day.

[Continued:]

Take your own advice.

I do every day when confronted with others' ugly behavior. I realize it doesn't give me a right to be ugly myself. I have standards for myself. You should try it instead of displaying this behavior online.

You're being mad ugly right now .. lol

Am I? How so? I'm bring pretty kind and simply calling out poor behavior. Pretty harsh words my love.

Your being insanely pretentious

[Continued:]

Do you even know the definition of pretentious? If so, how can you dictate my motivation so far as to claim I'm trying to be important lmao. Projection at its finest.
Stop condoning shit behavior and attacking the person who calls it out. It's pretentious of you to do so.

Lol most pretentious possible answer. Honestly funny if you're trolling

At this point it does seem like trolling, and if it is.. then I applaud. That’d be some high level trolling!

[…]

Google "social skills" my love
Who here deserves to be called "my love" by you? You are being ugly as well, just veiled behind passive-aggressive pretention.

Oh yea, you prefer people screaming they hate you like they are 13 and couldn't get a pair of jeans from hot topic. I love you, little bird.

Sorry man, men aren’t entitled to a polite response when he’s pushing sexual boundaries and not giving the slightest bit of politeness or empathy himself. She said she’s in pain, his response was sexual, which she’s obviously stated before that she doesn’t want to be spoken to that way. She had to tell him not once, but practically four times she wasn’t interested. What response do you think she should have given? “Sorry honey, I know it’s my job to please you sexually, but unfortunately I am in too much pain to tend to your urges.” and then repeat that 3 more times? Dudes a man child. Get a grip.

What she says goes for beyond not being polite, and you know it. Stop condoning someone saying some of the harshest things you can say to a person. Something tells me you missed out on good role models as a child.

Something tells me you have a stunning lack of experience in relationships and respecting clear boundaries. You’re so wrapped up with her obviously fed up responses to something she’s stated herself has been as issue for years that you’re defending absolutely horrible behavior from the soon to be ex husband, and painting OP as the issue here when that’s clearly not the case.

Did you just try to manufacture my whole life based on my response to a text calling both parties toxic when they clearly are? Lmfao. You couldn't be more wrong about me btw.

Absolutely insane of you to say this based on the fact that you just assumed something about me as well, saying I had no positive role models in life because I said “sexual harassment bad”. I’ve left three comments, you’re in the comment section leaving multiple where you defend the soon to be exes lack of respect for sexual boundaries, so is it really that much of a reach for me to say you don’t have much experience respecting boundaries when you fight this hard to defend someone disrespecting boundaries? I don’t think it’s an unfair assumption to make, unlike your baseless assumption that I’ve not had any positive role models because I said this guy is in the wrong and doesn’t deserve to be spoken to softly like a child over a very simple concept- which is consent. No means no isn’t hard to understand.

[Continued:]

Lmfao okay. I never defended dude or assumed anything. I work with what's given, not my projections on the matter. I've said they are both toxic countless times. Grow up.

You have said a handful of times that you think both parties are in the wrong, however, other than those few comments, the vast majority of your takes are just you fixating on ways that OP could have responded nicer to being sexually harassed or in my opinion, sexually abused, rather than ever mentioning anything about how horrible it is for her soon to be ex husband to treat her like this in the first place. Which doesn’t feel super “I see both sides of the situation” of you when you spend your time mostly indirectly defending the soon to be ex. Again, all things considered, I don’t think anything I’ve assumed thus far has been too much of a reach considering your long comment history on this particular post. And again, you did assume I had no positive role models in life because I said “sexual harassment is bad”, that is an assumption. You’re being extremely contradictory on that end.

Never defended him Ms long winded. OP is the only one here, so her behavior is the only one we can really address in depth. Chances are this interaction is a pretty good indicator for how they speak to EACH OTHER. In my practice, I've come to a very solid understanding. Nobody is ever a villain in their own story. Here we have two very immature adults acting like 13 year olds. One harassing, one speaking very abusive. Get over taking sides and see the forest for the trees, not the waves that don't exist.

I’m honestly starting to believe you’re a troll at this point, because it’s a little baffling if not extremely concerning that someone could be this detached from what the real issue is on a post about OP being sexually abused. I really don’t think OP needed to find new and creative ways to respond nicely to sexual abuse that she’s admitted has been an issue for years. I’m going to stand by my opinion that the soon to be exes lack of respect for consent for years now is the real problem here, and not that OP said “I fucking hate you” in response to being abused. OP is not the only person we can see in this situation, comments wise, sure, but did you not read the post? The one where you can see her say four times in a very blunt and fed up way that she doesn’t want to be sexually harassed? Call me crazy, but I really don’t think any sort of context or statement from the ex can excuse the exes abusive behavior, or deserves the level of indirect defense you’re providing.

Lmfao. Did you even read what I said before going on this rant.
EVERYONE IS A VICTIM WHEN THEY TELL THE STORY. Never the villain. This post is about a text where both people look ugly and toxic. If she was sexually abused, she could leave. There are tons of resources and options. Your brain has been broken by reddit and you need as much therapy as OP and he hubby.
I wouldn't be willing to take you on, but I could give you a referral.

[OOP chimes in:]

Idc what you think about my behavior. You have no idea what my life is like, what I put up with, and how awful this man treats me. If it bothers you so much then MOVE ON to another post.

If my opinion bothers you so much, don't post things... I'm not being mean to you. What you said is uncalled for. If someone is awful and you hate them... Move out and limit communication. Tell them not to say these things. It's pretty simple. From this exchange, it's pretty clear you both treat each other awful.

Welp there you go folks, this man singlehandedly solved all of OP's problems in one single comment

Oh really? I didn't realize I was trying to solve someone's problems instead of calling out toxic behavior. Are you sure you want to enter the fray? You sound about as mature as the rest, and this is hilarious.

Shit there you go, solved literally all of my problems in life with one comment. 🙏 you sir are a blessing

[Continued:]

Damn straight you've been blessed. Just wait till I sex "yiu."

I think you mean "yiu"

You're right, sorry. I can't keep up with all the slang these days. I fixed it for you. Look at you solving all these reddit issues. I sure hope I haven't created the next messiah.

Another questions how this is degrading for OOP:

Wait how is it degrading if he’s hitting and flirting with her? Very badly but I’m not getting degrading?

Ehhh, I dunno. That’s not flirting. He repeatedly reduces his wife to a fuckable object, interacts with her like she’s a warm hole whose emotions are secondary to his desire to drain his balls (for example, saying “I fuck you???” when she tells him she isn’t feeling well, or ignoring her repeated requests for him to not suddenly blurt this garbage at her in the middle of important conversations).
He’s not saying this stuff because he’s interested in pleasing his wife as a sexual partner that he’s attracted to - he’s just obsessed with getting his own dick wet.

Lmao y’all take yourselves way too serious. “Reduces his wife to a fuckable object” is wild lmao. Sounds like a bunch of single people 🥶. Any other time is weird when a man doesn’t want to touch his wife and the way he expresses himself HAS to be how she wants it or it’s nothing? Sounds pretty narcissistic to me.

I’m married 🤷‍♀️ and if my husband would say I’m gonna lick your or talk about my tits in front of a seven year old who is easily old enough to understand and also remember as an adult… not okay. He genuinely seems like he isn’t flirting but wanting to just embarrass hemake her uncomfortable.

Tbh we’re both wasting our breath… I glanced at that guy’s comment history, literally the most miserable human alive, all he ever does is say useless contrarian drivel especially on posts about women 🤷‍♀️

[…]

In front of her children he is saying titties and objectifying her. That’s not okay and is inappropriate. She also has asked him to tone down the comments and he isn’t stopping. He says he wants to fuck but then is also calling her a whore. Idk it’s not flirty to me at this point it’s just disgusting.

How many kids literally say titties everyday? How is he objectifying her by making an observation and stating what he likes about her? So the way he expresses his feelings HAS to be how she wants it? I must’ve missed where he calls her a whore. Wasn’t in the original

You really go up to women and say, “titties” and think that’s gonna get you laid?
You don’t see any issue with that being said in that manner at all?

Well being as I’ve been in a long relationship, yes lol. I do in fact stare at her chest and say “titties” or “boobies” randomly while she cooks, cleans, or anything else (as most men do to be funny) and she laughs and gives me a kiss. Or goes “oh yea, you like?” or something flirty along those lines 🤷🏾‍♂️. I mean everyone’s different, I was just trying to understand the OP’s side since in my relationship talking like that is perfectly fine and even encouraged.

OOP’s STBX’s tone is discussed:

I think the most off putting thing is the fact that he’s talking like a toddler. I can just imagine a whiny, pre-temper-tantrum voice saying “I can’t help it.” Fuck all the way off

When she says “seggs”, you can tell they’re both children.
She saying shit like seggs... ESH

Yeah that makes her suck just as much as her disgusting loser husband.
Not on the same level, pal.

lol dude, this guy seduced and married this woman, what does that say about her? Was he acting the whole time? just weird, how do does it get to this level?

So it’s still her fault? Because some idiot duped her? What does this say about you, man. Gross.

Another slapfight ignites:

If your response to your wife telling you that she’s tired and needs her meds is asking for sex, you deserve an ugly response.

No. Two wrongs don't make a right. Are you 12 or something? Telling someone you fucking hate them and can't stand them is pretty ugly behavior. You could simply not respond. If you have nothing nice to say... Say nothing. Who raised you people?

You must have missed the part where OP said they’re actively divorcing this man.

Nope. I seen it. I didn't know getting a divorce was open freedom to say ugly things to people. Again... Who raised you guys? You can honestly look at this and say... Wow, she is really better than him?
Ugly childish behavior from two adults.

Who said anyone is better than anyone? Is that really the point here?
What should she have said instead according to you?

[Continued:]

Say nothing. That is ops point. They clearly feel entitled to say some of the harshest things that you can say to another human being. You all are also condoning it by arguing me and spamming down votes.
There is never a need to say these types of things to someone.

good thing OP wasn’t asking for permission or advice.

She was asking for attention that I provided though. Someone has to counter the nonsense notion most of you are condoning. Speaking this way to another human being is not okay... From either of them. Nobody should be saying it is.

Another wants to know why OOP isn’t helping her soon-to-be-ex:

I'd bet he's texted "I fuck you" a thousand times, and she thought it weirdly endearing. Now, it makes her want a divorce. Women are funny.

Hmmm you should read through my comment history before making assumptions.

Ha ha. That's not happening. That's not how the Internet works. OLD has trained me to assume, be prejudiced , and label stereotypes with next to no information.

[…]

An addict is sick. You could at least try to help them through it

A Redditor in a free use relationship has a take:

If you dont some other girl will lol. Let the man get laid elsewhere if you cant provide

That’s why she’s divorcing him dude. Once they’re separated he’s free to pester someone else

And not be restricted and blue balled by the woman whos supposed to be attracted to him

God forbid a woman not want sex when she’s constantly being pestered while she’s not feeling well. No romance, not a hint of concern for her, just “I fuck you?”
Constantly pestering someone to do something is the best way to make them hate the thing you want. It’s not sexy, it’s not romantic, and it makes them look like children begging their mom for candy
Plus, he did a massive personality change after they moved in together. He’s not the man she fell in love with

Im in free use relationship so cant relate or understand sorry

The Flairs:

• “I was gonna ask if he has turrets”
  
• “How many kids literally say titties everyday?”
  
• “I love you, little bird.”