So when I was 5 my parents got me a toy piano and I started playing Christmas songs by ear (with no previous experience). My parents then promptly suggested I take piano lessons & I took them for 10+ years. My question is, is this trait hereditary? My grandparents would always tell me the story of my great grandma who had the same exact trait, and would describe it in her poems and writings (she loved to write poetry and my grandparents kept a lot of her writing). She was an accompanist for silent films in the early 1900s and would play music that matched the “mood” of the film, but struggled to read music. I feel the same—my parents always told me to be a “good” pianist I needed to master technique, and it’s definitely true, but I just got really anxious as a child about having perfect technique and started to hate doing piano at all. Has anyone experienced this and have any tips or suggestions?

So I just woke up a bit over an hour ago, and I've been trying to ask my friends or look up dream meanings, but my friends ignored it and continued talking about something else unrelated, and the dream meanings didn't help. This whole thing really shook me, so I'm just asking for some guidance, and interpretations if anyone wants to.
It basically started when my mom and I were driving somewhere, and it was dark and rainy. For some reason the wheel was on the other side (usually have the wheel on the left, in this, the wheel and my mom were on the right) and I wasn't entirely in the passenger seat, but not entirely in the back seat, and not entirely on one side, I was just kinda in the middle, but I was facing out the window. My old 6th grade world cultures teacher (I'm currently in 8th, about to go to high school next year) suddenly appeared outside through the window, holding a gun. She tried to shoot through the window, towards my mom, but the gun wasn't working, and we were able to get away.
I don't remember the exact order of events next, but here's a lot of what I remember: We were in a bakery type place (this appears a lot, so we'll just call it the bakery) and the teacher came in, with a purse, and she pulled a gun out of it and started trying to shoot us again. We were driving again, same positions that I described, and the teacher was outside the window again. This time I wasn't able to see her shooting, but I saw bullet holes appear one by one on the front window, just by my mom's head. She was scared, probably cause she almost got shot, and I was scared for my mom. Bakery again, this time with my grandma with us. I saw the teacher come in, with her purse, starting to reach in for the gun, but then she saw my grandma. They go to the same church, that's how I originally knew the teacher, so I guess the teacher was scared to be seen by my grandma doing some unholy act or something. My mom saw as well, and we hurriedly left, and ran to our car while the teacher tried to get back out the door she came in.
Then, it was always an instinct. And my friends were involved too. Whenever we saw her with a purse, we knew there was a gun in it, so we ran. This happened a lot, over and over again. By now there's been a lot of death. But now the focus shifts. It's not as important or terrifying to me, but I'll still include it.
I was running through a slightly wooded area on a sunny day, like the grass and trees (if you could even call them trees) and sky were all wheat colored. It was kind of nice but also not at the same time? Anyway, I was running down a path, trying to go get something, and got one of those alerts on your phone thats like "a child went missing, etc etc etc, find them" (it wasn't that, but you know what I'm talking about) but it talked about dogs with human eyes and something about human teeth too. Like, I think there was an old meme/creepypasta of something similar? I never really knew what that was, it just came to me as I was writing. Anyway, I started running back, and I got two more alerts, and they seemed so random and unimportant that I laughed out loud in the dream. I think one of them was something about a worldwide announcement that some guy wouldn't be running for office next year. That wasn't the announcement, it was about the announcement. And I don't remember the other one.
Anyway, at some point a friend was running with me. Eventually we saw a dog, similar to a German shepherd. We stopped. There was an elderly lady nearby as well. Everything was still wheat colored. We looked at the dog. I didn't notice much about its eyes until I looked at my friends, and they were almost exactly the same. The elderly lady started talking about its teeth, and to make sure to look and check. You know how people subconsciously hide something when people are talking about it? Like if I said there was something in your teeth, you'd close your mouth or reach up and cover it. The dog did the opposite, it showed its teeth when she talked about them. And yeah, human teeth. They started approaching, and the elderly lady started telling us how to protect ourselves, which at this point was just to pretend like a dog so you blend in. That's when it ended.
There wasn't much to be scared of in the second half, but the first part was still scarring me, and I woke up scared to death.
I saw something about someone chasing you representing something you're trying to get away from, and the only thing I can think of is that teacher was always very Christian, even as a teacher, when I'm pretty sure our school doesn't allow religion being forced on students. I grew up in a religious family (it was mainly my grandparents, my mom is a bit more relaxed on religion and is fine with letting me stay home while she goes to a better, more accepting church than my grandparents' church), but I don't believe in it, so I separate myself from it as much as possible.
Honestly, I swear, if I see that teacher at a store today, with a purse, I probably will leave, immediately.
But yeah, spent a couple hours fearing for my mom's life. That was fun.
So if anyone has any guidance or interpretations, that would be appreciated.

Hi! 👋
I need help and I also wanted to share a story or two, if that’s ok. So this is LOOONG. Please forgive any mistakes or wrong words
I’ve put the questions up top so feel free to ignore the rest. I just wanted to tell people about her.
Thank you so much in advance!
TL;DR
Part one: My beloved 98-yo Catholic grandmother in Sweden is dying, no other family member is Catholic. We don’t know what we need to do now before and after her passing.
Part two: Gran’s story and the Cardinal who Didn’t Forget.
——-
Part one
My Grandma is 98 and nearing the very end. She is a devout Catholic who converted in her 60s. No one else in the family is Catholic and there are very few Catholics in Sweden overall.
Her faith is incredibly important to her and I want to make sure she leaves the world properly from a religious standpoint.
Only I don’t know anything about it and I don’t know who to ask.
I would be so grateful for any guidance.
Questions:
1. Are there things we need to do for her from a religious perspective when the end comes? Last rituals?
Any special handling of the body?
Should we call a priest but who?

2. Swedish funerals usually don’t take place in three or four weeks after death. Is that okay?

3. Her service will be held in a Protestant church with a Protestant priest and buried in the family plot that’s there.
She has okayed this. She originally wanted to Catholic service in this particular church but it’s not allowed.
Are there any things (prayers, rituals etc) we can include to honor her faith?

4. Do I need to notify her local church? She is a member of the Secular Carmelites as well.

5a. Obituaries work a little differently in Sweden but I figured I’d ask. It’s common to include a little picture or symbol in them, everything from roses to sports team logos (yes, truly! 😂)
Most of the Catholic obituaries I see simply have a cross and . Is that the proper way to do it?

5b. Most obituaries include a quote.
Would this be appropriate?
”I am going towards you whom I have always sought, loved and always desired.”

It may sound odd I watched Sister Claire Crockett’s final vows and heard it and just knew instantly it should be in Gran’s obituary.
I haven’t been able to trace the source though.
THANK YOU! If you made it this far! —————————
Gran and the Cardinal
Now it’s story time!
Gran converted in her 60s “after a lifetime of searching” and was an eager theological correspondent.
She is a passionate fan of St John of the Cross and mysticism in general and is a member of the Secular Carmelites.
My Gran is Dutch, spent her first decade in Indonesia before coming back to Holland just in time for the German occupation.
She grew up Protestant but the war planted a seed in her mind and she set out to discover the spiritual world and learning as much as possible about every religion she could find, Taoism, Shinto, Hindu gurus, the works.
—
I asked her once what made her choose Catholicism in the end. She said that she had seen a small bookstore that interested her and unbeknownst was in a small, nondescript church.
Gran said she went in through the door and felt a “flash” or a rush or something she couldn’t quite describe and just knew. She spoke to a priest that very same day.
—-
Gran never quite lost hope that one of her children or grandchildren would convert (I was her best candidate but that has not happened. 😅)
—-
My grandmother had to stop going to Church maybe 10–15 years ago since hearing is so bad and it still grieves her.
She misses the community of the church, theological discourse, the connections she has made over the years. She felt lonely.
—
I don’t know how much the “regular Catholic” knows about different cardinals but we actually got a Swedish one, Anders Arborelius, a few years ago.
Gran knows him through the Carmelites and she has corresponded quite extensively with ”Bishop Anders”.
On one bleak day when Gran felt so along in the world, I tried to think of ways to cheer her up.
I did some googling and found an email address to the Cardinal himself and also to his secretary.
—
I wrote a long email asking of “Bishop Anders” would be willing to send her a card to remind her the church hasn’t forgotten her.
I didn’t expect an answer but later that same night, his secretary responded and it turned out she used to know my gran quite well.
The Cardinal was in Rome, she said, but he would probably look at the email when he got back.
That night (say 2AM), I got a response from the Cardinal about how well he remembers my Gran, and how much he likes and appreciates her.
A few day later, a lovely little letter with encouraging words and a blessing arrived in the mail.
One funny thing though! He had absolutely dreadful handwriting, so bad we actually send around a picture of it to family members asking them if they could decode it. 😂😂😂

Do you remember the theory that Marco and Toffee are connected? It is a theory with a lot of negative opinions, but I tried my best to think about it.
Marco and Toffee have a planned and meticulous personality. I think... their gestures are sometimes similar. https://www.tumblr.com/frmacnac/723950017044512769/marco-and-toffee-are-like-mirrors-each-other-or
Marco with purple items is something ominous. The monster arm emits purple liquid, and when Marco is involved in magic, he often wears purple things. The skin color of Marco's corpse in the Blood Moon nightmare is purple, The purple cloth he wears at before beach day has nothing to do with magic but look at the shape.
Besides, The following are the ones that appear in Toffee's first appearance episode.
Star's penstand with holes. This is similar to the symptoms of victims of Solaria's magic. Dead End signs, Star and monsters. A fortune cookie message that Toffee sent to Star says "Love is always the answer". Toffee say that "You're not the only one who is the victim of magic".
What if these are things that imply something? Toffee said he knows the future. What if Star, her friends, and monsters are killed by Solaria's magic? What if Toffee is related to Marco's monster arm? So, Marco may have been shapeshifted to Septarian by dark magic of unicorn and time-traveled to the ancient Mewni. (It might sound stupid) Glossaryck may be involved in it, He may have created a weird time loop. Toffee may be Adult Marco who comes from such a bad future timeline.
Toffee knew that he would be killed as Star's first enemy, so he probably decided to give Star the idea of destroy the magic for change bad future, but in the process, probably he entered Realm of Magic and went crazy. And he may died like "Toffee" on his timeline. and, Glossaryck may have seen Marco as Toffee's childhood. When they first met, Glossaryck said he wouldn't let Marco read magic spells book, and Glossaryck disliked Marco until the day Star rode a bicycle.
Toffee may be a character that assumes as Marco in his thirties. Marco at Neverzone is a child with an adult body. too childish. Star and Toffee's mental age is too far apart, for Toffee, Star will be like a sibling? "Surprise" is a word when the Diaz family celebrates Star every day, so it may be a symbol of friendship and family love. Even if Marco was influenced by the monster arm, he is not necessarily evil. In this case, Toffee wouldn't kill Comet, but his subordinates would do it at their discretion.
Toffee has existed since he was a teenager. The reason why he was shocked when Marco said, "You're boring" would because he had too short time to live as his true self, and he forgot what he was like when he was living as himself. On the other hand, he may have despised his past self who had no power or knowledge to protect the important things. Toffee's last words were probably a warning to his past self, and were probably the answer to what he was told to be "boring". He manipulated Ludo, but it made Buff Frog a Star's friend. It triggered that Star wants Mewni to stop the monster abuse. Marco is the type who is into the role he plays, and he is good at hiding his emotions. If he had felt responsible for the death of Star's grandma, he couldn't have been able to tell the truth. He may have been acting like a crazy, cruel man to Star on purpose.
But how can Marco be so dark and conspiratory?
I think Marco knew very little about monster abuse in Mewni. Marco will be angry if he knows that, and Marco will try to protect the monster from Mewman as one of the earthlings because he knows Mewnians were earthlings, and will be thoroughly research magic and Mewni's history. And Marco's charisma will be gather the support of Septarian. In order to protect the existence of Star, he may had to keep Butterfly family alive while dealing with the monster's hatred for Butterfly family, and he would have been afraid of losing the support of the monsters. Marco was once unable to oppose it for fear of losing the support of the princesses in St. Olga. He may have been bound by his past as Septarian and had limited things to do. I think he has reason for hating Glossaryck. Glossaryck made Star's ancestors, the colonists of Earth, into Butterfly family and Mewman.
"The code name is Sailor V", a spinoff of Sailor Moon came to my mind. The villain in this story was just a soldier who wanted to become a knight to get closer to the princess of Venus, Minako's previous life. However, after everyone died in the war and the queen of the moon reborn everyone with magical powers. He was helping Minako's growth as her enemy but he died while doing fortune-telling that Minako was destined to kill the person she loved. Minako will ended up killing her boyfriend who became an enemy. Daron loves Sailor Moon, and Mina's name is taken from Minako, but Minako looks like Star.
Well, Marco is just a boy from the earth, but he tried to become a knight because he wanted to get close to Star, the princess of Mewni. And what if Marco's Blood Moon's nightmare warn his fate that he will be killed by Star when he falls in love with her? Toffee lives in Star's past, and Marco lives in Star's future. Star and Marco, who are tied by the Curse of Blood Moon, will be bound in a weird time loop forever.
I think the Dark magic that Toffee was melting in Realm of Magic will strengthen the desire for revenge. Toffee may have wanted to neutralize MHC and Moon because them empower Mina's rebellion. What if the magic and Star's family destroyed his life? What if magic doesn't exist? What if the colonists from Earth, the ancestors of Star, didn't go to Mewni? What if Star was born as an earthling? What if Marco chose Jackie instead of Star? His purpose in S1 would to protect Star, but his purpose in S2 may have changed to save Marco's life from Star. The reason he was so obsessed with his lost finger was probably because it was the only point of contact between his past self and his present self. The motivation in that case will be self-love. Realm of Magic will not kill Star, but it will make her suffer. He may have locked Star there to teach her his suffering, instead of telling her who he is.
If Marco's fate is related to magic, it would be right for Star to destroy the magic for Marco. Toffee was watching Star's decision to destroy the magic, and he screamed "surprise". The only person who spoke to Star from the tapestries was Toffee. If the bad future changed, if the timelines merged, would be a happy ending. Will Toffee/Marco trace the fate of Heinous/Meteora?

I am so insanely ungrateful...
... for you planting in me those thoughts of not being worthy of presenting myself to others, of taking myself seriously, of recognizing my needs as important. So important that the impulse would arise in me to act for myself, to take care of myself. To see myself as a valuable person, at least as valuable as everyone else.
My ingratitude also for you not making it obvious to me to take care of myself. That I don't take myself seriously. Because what others feel was always more important.
... and for smiling for others instead of myself. Why did I have to make sure everyone was okay?
Why was I not allowed to disappoint anyone? Why did you make me believe I was responsible for others' disappointments?
Why was I not allowed to have "negative" feelings? Why were those feelings equated with ingratitude (since one should always be happy for what one has, always keep in mind that others have it much worse!) "Eat your greens, especially broccoli. Always remember to say thank you (especially for the things you haven't had)!"
... That I don't take myself seriously or endlessly question myself when I feel bad. Am I even allowed to be sad about the things that were done to me? For the things that were dismissed, or withheld from me? Am I allowed to get help when I'm not feeling well?
That you didn't recognize or didn't want to see (so you wouldn't be blamed) how much my environment stressed me, despite signs like biting my nails, withdrawal, gaining weight etc. Why didn't you move away with me from that place, as you had considered...
... for never discussing feelings, my feelings, my condition, or our relationship. And conflict/argument was always avoided like the plague. The difficulties of talking about feelings and interpersonal relationships with others run like a thread through my life. What was so difficult about talking to me about emotions?
Then I often have to ask myself: Were my feelings even justified? Or just manifestations of my (of course undesirable!) (hyper)sensitivity? Was I only sad because I took everything too seriously? Because I wasn't grateful enough for this normalcy? Grateful for not having it much worse?
That it turned into me not being able to confide in anyone, because I'm actually ashamed of feeling like a victim of your treatment, or feeling anything at all. Of needing something. Useless things, like closeness and security. Help, sometimes.
That I only felt understood in music, felt held, not alone with my feelings. That sometimes I can even express myself better in English about myself and my feelings because of it.
Why did you leave me alone so often? At the inn? In my room? With my toys? While you got drunk? You praised me for my independence, for making myself so small and inconspicuous and keeping myself busy. Yes, I confirm that boredom also breeds creativity. Guess I should be thankful for that, too.
That I now feel constantly lonely, inwardly longing. Always searching for love from people who cannot give it to me. I searched for deep emotional connections, even as a child, and if I hadn't had Grandma, I would be completely lost today. Not just emotionally. So as not to be run over, one must keep up... be overlooked, step back. Why didn't we cuddle? Why was there so little physical closeness? Why did you never say you love me? It felt so weird and wrong to say it to someone else later in life even though I felt it...
My heartfelt ingratitude also for constantly telling me that self-praise is vain. That one should not be too proud of oneself, not think too highly of oneself, not be too convinced of oneself, but rather be modest. “Too much praise is bad for children, then they think they are something special, something better.”
Now I don't really know anymore when I'm allowed to be happy about myself. When I'm allowed to be proud of myself. After all, I am special, and in some ways even better than others; as everyone can do something special or better than others.
My many talents, which I could be proud of... why do I always feel unworthy and inferior? Why are my paintings, my songs, ... never finished? I always feel I have to apologize for alleged mistakes in my art.
//
But the poet says defiantly: My whole art is one single mistake, born out of wounds. That you inflicted on me. It lives to defy you! To disturb you! To show itself to you! Why should I hide all the wounds I have survived, despite your treatment? They are not my weaknesses! They are not my fault! They are nothing I should be ashamed of. Instead: they are your hindrance to my perfect being. Your fault. Your shame. Your responsibility.
My songs will ring in your ears and echo and tell you what you don't want to hear! Because it reminds you of your own vulnerability, which you deny, which you hide from. My paintings as your mirrors. My words as your death sentence!
I am angry for you, little inner children, for being treated like that and for being asked to put your feelings and needs aside like that. For not even being allowed to be sad about it. I see you and now I'm sad for you. You deserve to be heard, to be comforted, to be freed from the garbage that was served to you. For this garbage, we can all be truly ungrateful from the bottom of our hearts!
I shouldn't be ashamed anymore for all the things that developed in me, because you are superficial, neglectful, insensitive, intrusive, spiteful people. I now know that you should be ashamed, not me.

I’m posting this in hopes it helps me some… My Mom passed away July 16, 2020. She passed away from complications due to Covid/Diabetes. She had just turned 48. I was 24 and my younger sister 17. None of us could be with her in the hospital due to the Covid restrictions. Just an occasional FaceTime call when she was feeling okay, or some texts. Towards the end she needed extra help breathing and ended up being put into this coma like state to try to help her body heal. She fought hard for 2 weeks, but ultimately she never came back home.
I miss her so much. My dad and I never had the best relationship growing up, and it hurts to say it hasn’t really changed since she passed, either. I think of her still every single day. If she would be proud of me, the life me and my fiancé have, or my little sister who is engaged and has a 5 month old now. She won’t be there for when we get married, have kids (her dream was to be a Grandma), just so many life events without her. I miss the simple things the most- just calling her on a hard day. I still have her number saved in my phone because I just can’t bring myself to delete it.
Sorry for the long rant, I’ve just been struggling since her birthday back in April, and now the closer it gets to her death date. Thank you for the vent session, and I wish I could give a hug to everyone struggling.🤍

Hey,
So I just want some unbiased feedback from people regarding if my cousins were abused growing up. They both would insist they weren't, but the older one (27F same age as me) is currently in rehab for alcohol abuse after her 3rd DUI after moving across the country to California by herself. She's made a LOT of bad decisions over the years but she used to be my best friend when we were younger... I know she's suffered from ana/bul for a long time and had a miscarriage when we were 13. She has openly had issues with her dad (my uncle) since we were teens, but has verbalized for the last few years on and off that "nobody cares about her" and "her family treats her like shit"...
My younger cousin (24M) I currently live with and love to absolute pieces but he's also been through a lot. His parents kicked him out during covid at the age of 20 with no job because they were moving almost 2 hours away and wanted to live child free. I've expressed many a time how shocking this was to my cousin when he told me about it and it severely changed my overall outlook on my aunt and uncle. He couch surfed for years off and on until I was able to get him a job working with me and he was able to move in with me and my best friend. We've lived together for over a year now and things were overall happy but recently he's been dealing with a lot again. My best friend and my cousin are both queer and a messed up situation occurred on the Grindr app between the two of them, but long story short my best friend ended up coordinating a voyeur event involving my cousin.
This has caused shock waves throughout the house obviously and my cousin has every right to be extremely upset. After a lot of confusion, some things were cleared up from the extra person that was involved with this and it was proven that my best friend did not touch my cousin. This does NOT change the fact that the entire situation was effed up and orchestrated, but I do believe with intense therapy for both of them that something can be worked out...
However, I also do not believe that with all of the stuff going on with my cousin that he had any right to lash out at me in the car for explaining how I feel like our coworkers are harassing me at work. For context, my cousin is into edgelord dumb alt right style comedy and likes to make transphobic, homophobic, racist, etc jokes at work sometimes. The trade field I am in is almost all men, and I am one of two women in our whole shop. There were more before, but after the last one quit for a different job, all these jokes have just gotten SO much worse. I constantly feel like I am getting egged on for my reaction, one example was last week i was told I should "get stung by a bee for the experience" after talking about how my grandma was deathly allergic. This kind of things been happening almost weekly since January and I vented to my cousin in the car ride home (I give him car rides almost every work day) and he just absolutely blew up on me.
He screamed about how I need to "Get the eff over it", how he has to tell me like it is because when I get upset it ruins the whole vibe for him and he just wants to have fun at work. I told him that edgy jokes are fun when theyre NOT pointed directly at someone and he just wouldnt put himself into my shoes and continually told me to get thicker skin. There was a lot more that was said but long story short, he basically cannot accept that he could be wrong in this situation and even if it was all jokes, if it hurts someone its not worth making them.
I know that's how he was raised, his dad specifically gives no effs about equality, "woke culture", etc and they've always been VERY well off their whole lives so my cousins feel that anybody who has trauma or gets upset about "little things" need to suck it up because that's what their parents told them. My uncle still calls depression "the dark place" I do know that he's currently in therapy but I fear that the damage to his kids is too far gone. My dad (my uncle's brother) died in 2010, and my mom is a single mom whos been working at a grocery store for 41 years but can still find time to love and empathize with her child. She was also very upset to hear that my cousin was kicked out during covid and she bought him a queen size mattress to sleep on while he stayed at her house with my sister for a few months before moving in with me.
I just want to know the best way to move forward with my cousins. The older one in California I fear is a lost cause, she's been told to move back home so many times and she just wont... The cousin that I live with didn't come home last night after our blow up because I texted him setting my boundaries going forward (not allowed to use my coffee and no more rides to work) and texted back shooting off things to hit below the belt (like my weight, how I am "rotting" because I dont go out and see friends every night like he does, etc.) I want to be there for him because of all the things he is going through but I also need to protect my peace.
Thoughts?

Back in 2020-2 I was on a lot of drugs - mainly shooting/smoking meth, a lot smoking weed, benzos, alcohol - and some other shit like LSD, ketamine, MDMA, I was 17-19 and was almost doing nothing other than drugs. I was living with my grandma and my mother, it was a very toxic and traumatizing 19 years to live with them, started self-harming at 11.
At 12-15 I already was having serious mental health issues, clinical depression from burning out family and anxiety from bullying at school. At 16 I started to smoking weed and doing meth and was having withdrawals. All I could was be on my computer for long to the night in withdrawal, so I began writing.
Poetry here on Reddit and lyrics in notebooks. Then I was still living with my family. My mother, that has BPD and is schizoid said the lyrics were beautiful. They were often about death, suffering, sorrow, drugs and love... and some random rhyme flashes.
I then went to a mental hospital for 3 months and was actually abstaining the first 2 months, then it began again - weed, alcohol. I was on ton of pregabalin, benzos and weed for like 2-3 months, I overdosed big time on MDMA and like a day after I was back at the mental hospital again for like 2 months. I then met me now ex girflriend!
She was awesome, lovely and the best and longest girflreind I had. She was an artist! She took me to her home, where we did drugs and I FUCKED UP big time. Anyways, she was always yelling at me that I am wasting my time, KNOWING I am just fucking wasting it!
I know I am wasting it and I feel it crumbling away uncomfortably.
I was in the same mental hospital for a year. I am outside now for two weeks again and all the year I had 3 writing episodes... but it were mostly because I didn't have my phone. All the time I hadn't got my phone, I was writing lyrics. That was like a month, where I was doing lyrics. I met a girl who does art as a school and said they were beautiful and Kafkazque. lol. And she also said I am wasting my talent not doing it.
But I wanna do it. I just can't. I have a mental block and I'd rather play Tekken 3 because this computer won't do better.
What do I do? I don't know what's keeping me from doing it. Please help!

I'll try and keep this as brief as possible while still giving necessary details.
Years ago, me and my sister's paternal grandparents created a family trust, as co-grantors. If I'm reading the trust correctly, the trust became irrevocable upon the death of the first grantor (my grandfather, in this case).
Some of what I believe are key factors of my concern are:

• The trust had an addition to corpus provision.
• It was established with a separate marital and residual trust. The marital was for the care of my grandparents in their old age, and the residual was for the beneficiaries.
• When the second grantor (my grandmother) passed, the marital and residual trusts were to be merged, and four individual accounts of equal value were to be created for the named beneficiaries (my two uncles [one of whom is deceased], my aunt [who became trustee after my grandparents died], and my father [now deceased, which is the lynchpin of my question]).
• The trust gives the trustee full discretionary control of the principal.
• The trust has a provision that states that should a named beneficiary die before the full principal was paid out, said beneficiary's share would pass to their legal lineal descendants (i.e. me and my sister).
• In 2007, my father took out an owner's mortgage from my grandma on the last piece of property my grandparents owned, and took the title and deed of the property in his name. The mortgage was not paid off before either of them died.
• My grandmother's will decreed that any of her personal money and assets not used to pay off her debts and other fees were to be transferred to the family trust.
• My father died without a will, and by his state's laws, my sister and I became the de facto beneficiaries of his estate in probate.
• My aunt had the remaining balance of the mortgage my dad took out transferred from my grandmother's estate to the family trust. My sister and I sold the property, paid off the remaining balance, and are keeping the equity.

Last week, I heard from my cousin (son of my deceased uncle) that my aunt dissolved the trust and dispersed the final funds. When I reached out to her asking about my father's 25% share, she claimed there was no more money for my father, and therefore no more money for me or my sister, and the only reason my cousin was receiving money from the trust is because he was a named legal heir on my grandmother's will (as was my father, if that makes a difference. My sister and I, however, we're not named descendants on my grandmother's will. We were estranged from my father, and we're not close with most of his side of the family).
Also, if this makes a difference, the trust was created through a bank in Florida, my grandmother died and her estate was established in Georgia, and my father died and his probate is being handled in Vermont (mentioning because I don't know if differences in each of these state's laws could complicate the matter further).
Anyway, my question is, is my aunt correct that my sister and I aren't entitled to money in the trust through the provisions mentioned because we weren't named heirs on my grandmother's will? If she IS wrong, and we WERE entitled to money from the trust, how was she able to dissolve it without paying us? And finally, if we are owed money from the trust, what are our options in regards to claiming that money as the trust is already dissolved and it's final principal paid out?
I mean, if she is right and we aren't owed money from the trust based on it's provisions, then that sucks for me and my sister, but it is what it is.
However if she's wrong, and we are owed money and take legal action, what are our chances of getting that money since the trust is already dissolved and paid out? And would pursuit of recoupment of that money hurt my cousin in any way, as technically he would have been paid a portion of money that wasn't meant for him? Or would my aunt be solely responsible as she failed in her obligations as trustee?
Sorry, I know I said I would try and keep it brief, but I wanted to be sure to mention all the details I think play a part in this complicated issue. If you need any more details, I will do my best to clarify based on my understanding of the matter.

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after he asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

So for context, I (28f) was adopted at birth. My mother thought my biological father was one guy because they didn't use protection, this man's name is everywhere in the court documents leading up to my adoption where he ultimately never showed up. After meeting my biological mother when I was 19, she had a thought that maybe she pinned the wrong guy. She asked me questions on if I had foot problems, which I don't remember but I don't really have a reliable source of information on my early childhood (my Adoptive father passed when I was 18 and my mom has a serious mental disability/illness so she creates fake memories that never happened). The only thing I could really tell her is that I get comments every now and then that I walk funny, but I don't have any sort of medical diagnosis to reflect this. Relevant for later.
So my mom had the idea of contacting this new guy that she thought was my biological father. She asked if I was OK meeting him and I figured, why not. When meeting him he gave me a hug and a stuffed animal because he claimed he wanted to give me a gift but didn't know what was best. The night went OK, but it was mostly them talking and remembering their high school days as they went to high school together and when I was born my mom was a junior, he was a senior. He made a weird comment about looking through my social media and having a noticeable dislike for the person I was dating at the time, my mom made her own negative comments on this, and then they decided to call it a night. My mom dropped me off at home and I didn't hear anything until the next day. Because my mom was separated at the time, I guess they decided to hook up that night, and she told me she was going to give him a chance and see where things go. Meanwhile, I maybe had two conversations with him. But something that put me off was when he talked about his kids. For starters, all of his other biological kids are males and were born with a club foot. I'm not a male, and if I had the same deformity I would have certainly known about it. Then he goes on to say that he has a daughter who is the youngest of them all, but she isn't biologically his, however he raised her as his and she doesn't know the truth. He then mentions that he doesn't want his daughter and other kids by extenstion to know about me, because he doesn't want her to feel like she has to share her dad. That was the last conversation that I had with him. Maybe a week later, my mom told me that she cut things off because she finally remembered why they didn't work out in the first place. So now I'm in a weird spot.
Admittedly I have had my doubts that he is my biological father because my mom was convinced on only a few points, our height is similar (I'm very much on the short side, maybe an inch shorter than him and she is very much tall), my hair is dark like his (she's a natural redhead), and that I act like he does in a few ways. I did want to eventually get a DNA test done to be sure, I was just waiting for the right time.
What confuses me is that even though we only had 2 conversations, 6 years later when I had my own child, he starts heart reacting to all of the baby photos that I have posted on social media. I thought maybe he would try to get involved, but he never did. Several months ago, I noticed that he hadn't reacted to any photos or posts that I had made, so out of curiosity I searched for his profile, and saw it was gone. I thought that maybe he had blocked me. About a month ago, I get this weird curiosity again, and decide to log out of everything on my laptop, and see if he actually did block me.
The first thing that popped up when I googled his name was his obituary. He had passed away 4 months ago at the age of 47. Since I made this discovery late at night, I had trouble getting any sleep. The next morning I had texted my mom and grandmother to let them know what I had found. What's odd is that my grandma never had anything nice to say about him, but this time she gave me sympathy saying "it's such a shame you didn't get to know him." My mom pretty much said the same thing. The way I saw it, he had the chance to get to know me but he pushed me away, so getting sympathy really angered me. I had told my mom my intention of wanting to get a DNA test, and she told me not to seek out his kids because she had met their mom before, and she's not a person to mess with, and there's no way of knowing how much his kids take after their mom.
I have taken a 23&me, but the only relatives that have popped up are on my mom's side, or 3rd cousins that are very ambiguous which side they belong to.
I haven't found a cause of death so I have no idea what he died from. His family lives in a town maybe an hour away, so I feel like an accident would have made local news. This makes me have an increased concern for mine and my child's health. On my 23&me health report, I only have the basic and not the + or premium features, the only 2 things to pop up were alzheimers and AMD. I don't think he would've had either of those.
As far as how I'm feeling now, it's been a mix of emotions but not sadness or grief. If anything maybe disappointment? It's a complete polar opposite from when my adoptive dad passed away. He was pretty much my whole world so I was all (and still am on occasion) tears and sadness. I still dream about him and even though he never got to meet my son, I have dreams of him spending time with him. So for me to get angry at people for showing me sympathy doesn't feel right, but I feel like I don't deserve it because I didn't really know him. I mainly made this post to get my thoughts out, but if anyone has a similar experience, please tell me how you've dealt with it.

[NSFW for TW: Suicide]
Mom is a narcissist. Overly critical, conveniently forgetful of her faults, you know. Never physically abusive, but would yell at us in front of guests, then tell us she's not yelling. My brother has been NC with my mom for close to a decade, and I've had periods of NC/VLC when she's been insulting during difficult events I've gone through. Dad didn't realize the extent of how she treated us when we were kids, he started realizing it over the last few years, and had worked really hard to maintain some sort of relationship with us (now adult) kids... and then he killed himself this past January. It's been a shit time.
Since the funeral, both my brother and I have been to their house to help her sort through things a few times, and my brother was warming back up to her. Then he went over there by himself one night to help with some tech stuff, and she ended up trying to physically bar him from the home, and hit and BIT him. So that ended any attempt at reconciliation. Neither of us siblings have spoken to her since.
I am close with my brother, and have tried to be as supportive as possible with him being NC. I grey rock the crap out of Mom, and haven't given her updates on my brother. I even saved his name differently in my phone, as did my dad. Grandma was the weak link there though, and the first time my mom used his number was to inform him of Dad's death.
Mom thinks she is empathetic, but has a history of saying wildly incorrect things during periods of grief. Even the day my dad died, when I was at her house and everything had calmed down a bit, she insulted my choice of clothing. You know, the clothes I threw on to go support my mom at the house where my dad just killed himself.
Idk. I only have one parent left, she's dealing with stuff with the estate and everything, and historically as the eldest child I've been the one to help with that kind of thing. But she BIT my BROTHER. She kinda sucks on a lot of levels. I don't know what to do about any of this.
To further complicate things, my dad's relatives don't talk to her either (yes, there's a theme lol), and my living relatives that I do know are on my mom's side. I don't want to lose that connection, especially to my elderly grandma. She also has one of her very close friends no longer speaking to her for a few years, I'm not sure what happened there.
Ok, typing it out, I guess my mom sucks. But she's still my mom. For a while I was willing to put up with her because at some point the estate will need to be passed on to us kids, but wow she sucks and I'm not sure that's worth putting up with even for million dollar properties.
Grandma keeps calling and seeing if she can convince me to talk to my mom, because they both know I don't wanna disappoint my grandma. I have set every boundary I can, but of course I let Grandma cross them because she's old and I love her, and she's never going to think her daughter is a bad mom.
So what do I do?

I (18f) am a firstborn of 3. We have been raised by my grandma since I was born. My mum has never moved out of her maternal home where we also reside. My mum had me while she was 18 and had not joined campus. My grandma turned 70 this year and her health issues are starting to increase. We are neither rich nor poor,,I mean we have never lacked any basic needs nor anything we've asked from my grandma. My mum has been admitted to rehab thrice with no fruits. She runs away from home and upon return she is famished,dirty(sorry to say) ,sometimes wounded and quite drunk. Nobody understands why she even rang away yet my grandma has never asked her to work or anything of the sort. She simply accepted to raise us and take care of us unconditionally. Life has been tough due to my mother's alcoholism but we've managed to manoeuvre. We've had a help for more than a decade who helps take care of the house while my brother and I are at school. On this day, my mum came back home completely drunk and started fussing. I was so angry that I blurted out that she should leave, walk out the door and leave. I felt bad for being disrespectful and letting my emotions get the better part of me. My mum loves us to death I know but the alcoholism has created a huge rift in our family. How can she be helped?I mean it's worsening over the years and it's starting to affect my siblings.

I have become friends with an older lady. She is 85 and from Russia and her health is just not that well. She does not have many friends and I met her while working and now she cooks me food once a week. We were talking about birthdays today and she is almost 86 and then she just randomly brought up death. She just straight asked me what I think happens when we die. I responded that I honestly did not know. She said she thinks nothing happens. She seemed very sad.
Back when I was Mormon I had an answer to this type of question. It definitely made conversations like this easier. I now consider myself agnostic and honestly have no clue what happens when we die. It has given me some amount of existential dread if I'm going to be honest. The conversation that I had with my adoptive Russian grandma was not negative but I honestly do not know how to respond. She does not have many people in her life and I want to be a source of positivity for her.
She seems pretty certain in her atheism but she was still asking me what I thought about it all and my religious upbringing and stuff. She specifically said she does not want to die at one point and that she likes being alive. That was what got me a little. I don't know that she is all THAT close to death but she is closer than not and is kind of a recluse right now and so I'm sure it's on her mind a lot.
Any advice on this topic of conversation would be helpful.

The phrase Royal Priesthood will be familiar to scholars who have studied the concept of priest kingship. The word royal derives from the Latin Regalis meaning to rule. Originally this meant ’to apply a rule’, meaning to be able to measure, observe and thus divine and understand the hidden span or workings of matter. In this sense a ruler was one who was born with the ability to measure and hence understand the hidden workings of the Cosmos. Here we have a direct reference to derkesthai. Hence the regalis was the derkesthai and the derkesthai was the Dragon King. The condition of being royal in the accepted sense is derived from being born into a royal family, clan, race (species) or tribe. Contextually and originally this phrase could only have been used in connextion with the Davidic concept of royalty passed through the blood as the ’holy spirit’ (genetic inheritance) of the gods: Mana, Maia or Maja (Maga or Magi, Magha, Maxa: greatness). 

This is based off a post I saw somewhere else, and I thought it could make an interesting mental exercise where you'd have to think about what's the most important to you and how your goals would change based on the amount of time you had.
For the sake of this game, you'll know with 100% certainty that you'll be dead after your time allowance is up. There's no "but what if I only think I'll be dead in six months but then I'm not and I fucked up my entire life?" When your time is up, it's up. You'll be dead and won't have to live with the consequences of your actions.
So just for fun (and growth, maybe?) here's mine:
If I had 24 hours to live: Realistically, I'd know I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything of substance, so I'd just focus on pure pleasure. I'd go out and do something fun, maybe go to the nearby theme park in the city I haven't been to in a while or an expensive night club and wear my favorite outfit. I'd eat and drink whatever I wanted, and however much of it I wanted. When I got back home I'd take something to keep me as calm as possible and call/text the people I care about who live far away to let them know I care about them. I'd spend my last hours in bed watching a comfort movie.
If I had a week: I'd go on a road trip with my entire family to somewhere I always wanted to go to, maybe LA or somewhere similar, and spend the rest of my days there. Probably my actions would be pretty similar to the above, I'd just have slightly more time to do bigger things and say goodbye to people in person.
If I had a month: I'd quit my job for sure (for the top two, idk if I'd even bother to formally quit, I'd just stop showing up) and again, probably act fairly similar to above. I might try going to another country like Italy or Japan to see what it was like and try their food, but I don't think I'd want to die there. I'd also try and maybe finish something creative before my death, even if it was just a short story or a few poems.
If I had six months: 100% quitting my job and putting all my energy into finishing my long term writing project and having fun. I'd use my savings and hire a cleaner to come in once a month to take care of boring everyday tasks so I have as few distractions as possible.
If I had a year: Same as above really, but I might also try and experience a brief romance before the end. Probably wouldn't be able to truly fall in love but hopefully I'd at least meet someone cool.
If I had five years: I wouldn't quit my job, but I also try and find something better and something that would be fairly undemanding. I wouldn't be making any big career or life plans, but I would try to write something and get it professionally published before I died. I'd want to leave having made my mark on the world in some significant way.
If I had ten years: I'd probably quit my job ASAP to go back to school, while trying to find a relationship and work on my creative projects when I had free time or after I was done. IMO ten years would be super hard for me because it's long enough to where I'd definitely want to build a life but short enough to where I'd really have to haul ass if I wanted to make that life come to fruition.
If I had twenty years: Honestly, I'd probably be doing exactly what I'm doing now just with even more anxiety lol.
So yeah, feel free to add yours!

No one yet knew how long we lived, but still did they prepare me for a life-long journey. Cheeses and fruits fresh-picked did Our Mother gather to sustain me, and Our Father stowed in woven sacks grain to keep my strength, heaving and strapping barley on our beast's broad back. I looked outwards at the sun setting in its westerly nape, weak in th'numbness of heavy sentence new-laid, when a force struck at my thighs and grasped around my waist. My stomach was in th'dirt, my mouth fined with dust. Above me I saw looming our first father, rock in ready hand, pinning me to th'ground as he raised up his arm to Heaven in twisted invocation, something sick and wicked crinkling in his eyes. Waiting for tight- held stone to shatter my brow, the seconds stretched as centuries, but death stood still. Looking up, the stone and arm that held it sat limp on Adam’s knee as he rose with heavy breath. He reached down his hand, as though to help me rise up to my feet. I held doubts.
"I won't kill you, boy,"
he softly said. after a moment, I took his hand and he then hoisted me upwards. As he spoke he started dusting blotches of earth from my robe.
"No, I won't kill you. It's not a father's place to inherit from the son. I'll let you wander. Let the world do its bloody office. Pity your brother, that he bleeds the fields. Pity your mother, that she mourns two sons,"
his gaze finally meeting mine,
"the better one and you. Don't pity me. As man you bear my shape and name, but you're no son of mine."
His piece then said, he went toward where worm-food Abel lay interred. Ever watchful was Eve. A look half-mad lingered about her eyes as she stood in grief-mute stupor. Maybe by Abel's blood was she made deaf. No matter. I grabbed the halter, starting on my lonesome, weary way. Cresting the hill that would forever stand as sentry between me and home, I couldn't help but look back. There were th'fields from youth I'd tilled. I saw the altar where we made offerings to th'Potter, th'olive tree I had watered with brother's blood. In the midst of it all I saw Our Mother, still where I left her, looking at me. I waved meekly, my arm meeting my side almost as soon as I raised it. She was unmoved. With wavering breath, I turned toward my portion. East had He bid me. East would I then go.

I had an idea a few weeks ago for a poem about Cain after he kills Abel, so that's what this is. I'm a four books into what I think is going to be a five book piece. Just wanted to gauge folk's interest, and would definitely appreciate any constructive criticism. Thanks in advance for reading this monstrosity.
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/1cv3ihc/comment/l4n8uh8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/1cupdbh/comment/l4neah7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button