What to write on birthday card for boyfriend s mother
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2024.05.19 12:23 Strong-Trip-7453 Complaining about my bday
This is soo petty and insignificant. But I just have to get it off my chest cuz like wtf. They didn't buy me anything when i turned 18 it's literally been 7months and I can't stop crying about it, It's one of those things that I find so hard to let go off cuz it's kinda supposed to be significant. First of all we are a pretty stable middle class family so its not about the money. They just didn't buy me anything, I remember cutting cake and waiting for them to hand me a gift. I sat there next to my friend while they were in the kitchen i opened up the gift. My friend and i were so excited to see what it was. I'm not type of person who needs a masive gift i rly dont ask for much. I open the wrapping and guess what it was... a light up sign saying 18. My smile dropped so did my friends cuz we both knew that this was the gift it was a small light up sign saying 18. Nothing else, if this sign was something rly unique or just better quality i would not complain. But it came with the 18 birthday kit... guys it was part of a 20euro birthday kit it wasn't even supposed to be a gift its supposed to be a prop in the back of my bday photos with the balloons ect. I just sat there dumbfounded. Idc what my friend thinks shes like a sister she definitely doesn't even remember my bday and isn't the type to judge. It's rather that it was my last yr for any birthday party. My parents aren't the type to celebrate anything after 18 because I'm officially an adult.
I cried that night so hard it wasn't just the bday gift which was the issue. On my bday i had to ask one of my friends to go out with me. I bought her lunch and she was great company i love this girl to the moon and back but obviously. She thought i would go out with a different friend or something, she cancelled her plans for the day and hung outwith me. My other rly close friends at that time were busy. My friends aren't bitches dw they just arent that close to me if that makes sense. They came to cut cake and give me gifts a few days later. But by then i was sick of my bday i just wanted it to be over wished i was never born so i didn't have to be in this awkward situation.
It hit me that it kinda sucked that my parents couldn't love me enough that day. You would think if i don't friends i would at least have my parents. But damn they didnt even buy me a birthday card. The one birthday that ive been looking forward to since a child thinking its supposed to be the best and most important birthday turned out to be the worst bday possible. The realisation kicked in that i have never actually had a single good bday in my life. And this was the last shot at it and it's fucked.
Just when I was beginning to realise how stupid i sounded. I am religious, i know that i should always be greatful for what i have and shouldn't ask for more. Materialistic desires never lead to a true feeling of fulfilment.
My friends suggested that we suprise a different friend for her bday. We walk into her house and her parents did the same thing for her they wanted to suprise her for her birthday. We walked in and the living room was fully decorated they put in so much effot for their daughter. They picked out 18 gift for her 18yrs. This family isnt rich either same as mine middle class all the gifts were simple and reasonable. Clothes, some small mini make up, nail polish and face mask and some of her favourite snacks. And they bought her one expensive main gift.
If they wanted to they would. Went home and felt so fucking useless. My parents couldn't even get themselves to write a card for me. I don't need a shit tone of bday gifts i just wanted a bday card with words of encouragement from my mom and dad. I just wanted a lil small tiny ring, didn't even have to be a fancy expensive one.. they could've gave me a gummy ring and i would just laughed it off and not cared and would've been happy with the card.
Idk it just sucks I'll probably laugh at it 30yrs in the future but it still sucks. Its so dumb to cry over somthing like this. There definitely are bigger issues in my life but i just wanted one important bday to go well. I wish bdays didn't exist. I don't even want my next birthday to come cuz it's just embarrassing sitting and writing in my journal about how shit my day was.
Sorry im on my period and wanted to rant. Also Im dyslexic asf ignore the typos. This is soooo embarrassing. Idk if this is the right place to be posting this either tbh.
submitted by Strong-Trip-7453 to DysfunctionalFamily [link] [comments]
I cried that night so hard it wasn't just the bday gift which was the issue. On my bday i had to ask one of my friends to go out with me. I bought her lunch and she was great company i love this girl to the moon and back but obviously. She thought i would go out with a different friend or something, she cancelled her plans for the day and hung outwith me. My other rly close friends at that time were busy. My friends aren't bitches dw they just arent that close to me if that makes sense. They came to cut cake and give me gifts a few days later. But by then i was sick of my bday i just wanted it to be over wished i was never born so i didn't have to be in this awkward situation.
It hit me that it kinda sucked that my parents couldn't love me enough that day. You would think if i don't friends i would at least have my parents. But damn they didnt even buy me a birthday card. The one birthday that ive been looking forward to since a child thinking its supposed to be the best and most important birthday turned out to be the worst bday possible. The realisation kicked in that i have never actually had a single good bday in my life. And this was the last shot at it and it's fucked.
Just when I was beginning to realise how stupid i sounded. I am religious, i know that i should always be greatful for what i have and shouldn't ask for more. Materialistic desires never lead to a true feeling of fulfilment.
My friends suggested that we suprise a different friend for her bday. We walk into her house and her parents did the same thing for her they wanted to suprise her for her birthday. We walked in and the living room was fully decorated they put in so much effot for their daughter. They picked out 18 gift for her 18yrs. This family isnt rich either same as mine middle class all the gifts were simple and reasonable. Clothes, some small mini make up, nail polish and face mask and some of her favourite snacks. And they bought her one expensive main gift.
If they wanted to they would. Went home and felt so fucking useless. My parents couldn't even get themselves to write a card for me. I don't need a shit tone of bday gifts i just wanted a bday card with words of encouragement from my mom and dad. I just wanted a lil small tiny ring, didn't even have to be a fancy expensive one.. they could've gave me a gummy ring and i would just laughed it off and not cared and would've been happy with the card.
Idk it just sucks I'll probably laugh at it 30yrs in the future but it still sucks. Its so dumb to cry over somthing like this. There definitely are bigger issues in my life but i just wanted one important bday to go well. I wish bdays didn't exist. I don't even want my next birthday to come cuz it's just embarrassing sitting and writing in my journal about how shit my day was.
Sorry im on my period and wanted to rant. Also Im dyslexic asf ignore the typos. This is soooo embarrassing. Idk if this is the right place to be posting this either tbh.
2024.05.19 12:11 unmaskingMe Am I reading too much into this
We've been low contact with MIL since I was pregnant with D for a number of reasons. She always plays the victim, and if you challenge her on anything, she acts like she doesn't understand, cries, or lashes out. There’s a history of this type of behavior with MIL where it feels like she is being covertly aggressive but always acts innocent and confused. We are in our hometown visiting for the weekend and are staying with my family which is always an issues with MIL, and she says we favor them, but we don't enjoy being in their house and feel uncomfortable. MIL invited us for dinner at 5 o'clock, the kids had loads of energy so we decided to go to the park first to let the kids run around and get their energy out. I texted MIL around 3:50 to let her know our plan. She immediately replied, asking when we would be there because BIL was anxious to see the kids.
When we arrived, things were okay. MIL was acting weird, wanting to show me various things and all the prizes she won from the casino and offering them as gifts.(she goes the casino every week and people who bet money get prizes for being a gold memory base on how much they spend) She barely tries to talk to her son my HB and instead after I have said, I need to sit down my allergies are really bothering me and I need to close my eyes. She insists on me following her around the house to show me all the things they have. We had supper, and then they MIL asks if she can give our D her gift since they won't be coming for her birthday. Even though we have invited them she says they won't be coming since my mother is going up. So they gave our D her birthday present: a hat, sunglasses, and a t-shirt size 7/8-year-old. We don't expect much from them anymore, they have stopped asking for gift ideas and now just get junky gifts like plastic toys that break shortly after or have nothing to do with the kids interest. I thought it was not a scant for a birthday present for your only granddaughter on her 5th birthday. But what really upset my HB and I is after they started taking all of BIL's toys out of his room and showing them to her. All of a sudden, you could see D look at her gift bag, and sadness washed over her. She said, not in a demanding way but confused, "I want another gift." MIL, clearly not understanding, offered her a cup you put boiled eggs in and then proceeded to walk D around the house, offering her random things. D started crying, and MIL came downstairs while FIL went to check on her. D said, "NO, I WANT MY MOM!" So I went up, and D could barely get the words out before bursting into tears, saying she wanted to go home and she was trembling. I picked her up and motioned to HB, who already felt off and not into the situation, and started taking D to get her shoes on. She just kept crying heavily, saying she wanted to go home. MIL came up to us, asking, "What's wrong, D? I am so sorry I don't have anything else for you." She kept going on, and I put my hand up and said, "MIL, it's not about a gift. It's about realizing someone hasn't thought of you beforehand. Your gift was okay, but then parading a bunch of toys around after you gave her a shirt and hat is insensitive." Then MIL disappeared and came out with a full art set. ( and our D loves painting and doing art) D was still in tears, pleading to leave. She took it in shock, and then MIL gave her a hug. I was standing there, completely confused. So now I am left feeling like a psychopath for wondering if they got her the art set and took it away out of spite because we didn't come to dinner early enough. When I mentioned this to HB, his immediate response was, "Well, at his birthday they said they didn't have money, didn’t give him a gift, and then got one for his brother and went on a trip right after." To add to the confusion, MIL had taken me upstairs earlier and showed me all the extra stuff she has—pillows, water bottles, mug sets. The art set was not there. So now I am wondering if I am overreacting to the situation.
submitted by unmaskingMe to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]
When we arrived, things were okay. MIL was acting weird, wanting to show me various things and all the prizes she won from the casino and offering them as gifts.(she goes the casino every week and people who bet money get prizes for being a gold memory base on how much they spend) She barely tries to talk to her son my HB and instead after I have said, I need to sit down my allergies are really bothering me and I need to close my eyes. She insists on me following her around the house to show me all the things they have. We had supper, and then they MIL asks if she can give our D her gift since they won't be coming for her birthday. Even though we have invited them she says they won't be coming since my mother is going up. So they gave our D her birthday present: a hat, sunglasses, and a t-shirt size 7/8-year-old. We don't expect much from them anymore, they have stopped asking for gift ideas and now just get junky gifts like plastic toys that break shortly after or have nothing to do with the kids interest. I thought it was not a scant for a birthday present for your only granddaughter on her 5th birthday. But what really upset my HB and I is after they started taking all of BIL's toys out of his room and showing them to her. All of a sudden, you could see D look at her gift bag, and sadness washed over her. She said, not in a demanding way but confused, "I want another gift." MIL, clearly not understanding, offered her a cup you put boiled eggs in and then proceeded to walk D around the house, offering her random things. D started crying, and MIL came downstairs while FIL went to check on her. D said, "NO, I WANT MY MOM!" So I went up, and D could barely get the words out before bursting into tears, saying she wanted to go home and she was trembling. I picked her up and motioned to HB, who already felt off and not into the situation, and started taking D to get her shoes on. She just kept crying heavily, saying she wanted to go home. MIL came up to us, asking, "What's wrong, D? I am so sorry I don't have anything else for you." She kept going on, and I put my hand up and said, "MIL, it's not about a gift. It's about realizing someone hasn't thought of you beforehand. Your gift was okay, but then parading a bunch of toys around after you gave her a shirt and hat is insensitive." Then MIL disappeared and came out with a full art set. ( and our D loves painting and doing art) D was still in tears, pleading to leave. She took it in shock, and then MIL gave her a hug. I was standing there, completely confused. So now I am left feeling like a psychopath for wondering if they got her the art set and took it away out of spite because we didn't come to dinner early enough. When I mentioned this to HB, his immediate response was, "Well, at his birthday they said they didn't have money, didn’t give him a gift, and then got one for his brother and went on a trip right after." To add to the confusion, MIL had taken me upstairs earlier and showed me all the extra stuff she has—pillows, water bottles, mug sets. The art set was not there. So now I am wondering if I am overreacting to the situation.
2024.05.19 12:10 MathematicianFit8682 AITAH for telling cops about a man who sa me and dropping a friend who let it happen
I S Hi I’m new to this reddit thing so sorry if I make any mistakes.Basically this all happened a few months ago me(f 16) and my friend(f 14) I’ll call her meep we’re having a sleepover,she was on her phone most of the time which I didn’t think to much of when she then said to me hey can a few of our other friends(both f 14) come which I said sure because we where all friends now when they first came we did basic things girls do at sleepovers like doing eachother a hair and stuff until one of my friends takes something out of her bag I didn’t really cat eat first thinking it was something like clothes or make up until I get a good look at it and realised she had bull a bottle of beer out.Meep seeing this was like omg you actually managed to get it in your bag with my other friend I’ll cal her Lew said ya and bragged about how easy it was at first I wasn’t to keen on it since it being in my house but out of pressure drank it.A while later me and my friends start planning the day ahead of us now jump to the next day me and my friends start walking which all of them weren’t to keen on since it was a 1 and a half hour walk but sucked it up to our town (btw we live in a small town in a small country) anyway we where walking to a park originally but we all got hungry so we walked to supermarket but my friend (I’ll call this one royal)went to her house to pick up stuff and a bit later lew had to get something so it was just me and meep just sitting around eating on a platform when royal came back us three we’re walking around when we saw royals boyfriend(m 14) and his older brother(m 19) royal then started running after them yelling out to them and so then a bit later royal was flirting with her bf and me meep and the brother were just sitting around then we finally meet up with lew we then decided to go to the park together which ended badly in a fight where police where called but that’s not important anyway a bit later my friend called her bf and made sure he was ok and he said why don’t we try hanging out again tomorrow w which she without asking said yes so now me and my other friends had to go out again without being asked if it was ok with us but we also didn’t really care since most of us did wanna get out of the house so another jump to the next day me and my friends meet up with them we did give to walk to their houses bc they needed to get ready but after that we had a bit of fun the bf claimed a roof followed by royal lew and meep who tried but chickened out they told me to clime up but I said hell no I ain’t stupid they also tried getting the brother to but he told them to piss of he then sat of a rubbish bin which o tried to as-well but couldn’t jump high enough until he showed me how.Once we where done we went to the park well except for meep royal and her bf who went to her house to pick up something so me lew and the brother where on our way to the park when we got there we sat in this tunnel looking thing and just started talking to each other me and lew where sitting next to each other when he decided to sit in the middle of us which I thought was weird at the time but said nothing bc I didn’t wanna try make it weird bc again he was 19 but anyway my friends came back and we sat in this tree house looking thing I was mostly sitting with lew when hake moved away for a bit and then the brother sat down next to me I though it was weird bc there was room other places then he put his hand around my shoulder I looked up and royal was just winking at him and me I tried to signal to her that I was uncomfortable but she was still acting like it was nothing I then signalled to meep and unlike royal got the hint right away and thankfully said Alr guys let’s go it’s getting late and said we had to go I then got up and walked with meep royal complaining about leaving said fine and asked them to walk us home which they agreed until after a bit lew told them to go bc she didn’t want them knowing where I lived which I was really thankful for after that royal and her bf kissed goodbye and left which I was gonna do until I felt someone behind me grab my waist and kissed my cheek and gave me paper with his Snapchat I was gonna throw it in a puddle when lew asked what was in my hand so I explained what it was and she said oh how cute and asked if I was gonna add him dis it’s wanting to say no and wanting to tell her what happened I honestly can’t explain it but I just couldn’t but I have her the paper which she added him and made a gc with me him her and royal which was then when they made plans to sneak out with them and go on a night walk they asked me and meep to come which meep said no bc she thought the brother was a creep and I tried to say no but once again with pure pressure said yes royal and lew where to busy getting ready to even thing about meep in which I said hey why don’t I just stay here with meep and keep her company which they laughed and said cmon let’s go,it was 10:30 at night when we snuck out them excited to see them and me paranoid on my mum getting mad about me disappearing when we meet up with them me lew and the brother walking ahead I was holding hands with lew originally but the brother grabbed my hand and so we where all just walking I was ok with it but the thing that threw me off was what royal was saying she was just making very sexual jokes about me and this 19 yr old man which I was uncomfortable with but was to shy to say anything about once we got to the place which was under a bridge we just sat down and talked about stuff lew then went some place else which was then followed by royal and the bf I tried running off but royal told me to stay back so I did now it was just me and the bf brother idk why I didn’t think this would happen but he sat really close to me and that’s when he did it at first he just grabbed my face made out with me which I tried to say no or stop but I was to scared to say thing and then he just started touching me places and I tried with all my might to get him to stop but couldn’t then I heard yells from royal saying she couldn’t find lew me using this as a reason to get away yelled I’ll look for her and tan off I wasn’t actually looking for her though I was on a bathroom trying with all my might to not let out any tears which was really hard then I heard yells so I looked out and realised it was meep who had secretly been following us so I used her as a opportunity to get away and then said hey you guys look for her I’ll leave with meep signalling to her I wanna leave which again she understood and acted tired and said ya I wanna go now so we did which I then turned around and saw the brother just following us I let him follow us idk why but once we where around the block I said to him my house was close and he could go which I waited until he had actually left to start walking home and obviously I wasn’t near my house there was still a twenty minute walk which I just started braking down my friend was just hugging me and said it’s ok and saying what did he do to you which say I don’t know why but I just couldn’t say anything once got home I threw up I could still feel him everywhere in my mouth on my thighs and on my waist and other places I wanted scream all I could think about was how I was such a slut and couldn’t even say anything or stop it I wanted to die I wanted just anything to get the memory and taste out of me I then started telling my self about how worthless I was and how I my mother really did raise a stupid and pathetic person after a bit I fell asleep with my dog next to me (he’s a American bully)so I thought that I could at least have some sort of protection after a bit my friends came back and fell asleep I knew this bc they really don’t come back some quiet and woke me up now this was the last day they where at my house so they all went back to their houses and i really do wish I I could say this was the end I really really do but sadly this was not after going back to school and acting as if everything was fine and nothing was wrong I realised that royal and lew haven’t been to school for a while and the next day lew came to school and I found out that sadly the brother 🍇ed her when I found this out I feel apart I was sick shocked and just didn’t know what to do my friends told her to tell our health teacher she’s the teacher who deals with situations like this so she did the teacher said she could miss a few classes and stay in there with me and meep that was when I told them what happened to me they where both mortified that was then when lew reveille the brother wanted to grape me aswell and even told her he was gonna and how he would ask to hang out and to it at the same place he did to her I was honestly shocked and paralysed with fear remembering how he actually asked to hang out a the other day anyway I then asked her what she wanted to do bc our teacher suggested telling the cops tbh I really didn’t want to bc I was trying to keep this whole thing away from my mum but knew I had to so I walked to the police station with a few other friends and told them everything after that I knew I had to drop royal she literally let everything happen even with lew I’ll explain later with lew but we dropped her now obviously that east’s she was just making up excuses and even said that the brother was forcing her to say and do things and then started yapping about how he forced her to do those things but I saw right threw her lies so did keep but idk why but lew actually believed her until she also finally saw right threw her lies oh also brother actually has a gf who is his age ik real shocked expected her to be 8 anyway recently the cops did find him and I’ve got a meeting with one of them oh another big thing turns out we ARNT the first people he’s sa wanna know the first person he did? Get ready 🥁🥁his fucking brother ya that’s right he literally graped his brother and it gets worse he did it when the boyfriend was fucking 8 anyway I might not update for I bit but I promise there will be one
submitted by MathematicianFit8682 to AITAH [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 12:06 itsallalittleblurry2 In Memory
Bud be gone 16 years later this month. Don’t hardly seem possible. Still remember him as if I just saw and spoke to him yesterday. The way of it. Miss him a lot, and so does Momma. Also the way of it. Get to thinking about him a lot this time each year.
Not as raw and brutal as it used to be. Had some dark days for both of us for quite a while. Again, the way of it. But acceptance comes eventually, when there’s no other choice.
I try to console myself that he lived life large in the 21 years he had - didn’t waste ‘em. Got to see and do places and things that comparatively few do. Was involved in things he felt were important.
I loved him dearly, and was admiring and proud of the man he’d become. And I told him so quite often. Advice from someone who’d not always as bright as he might be, but who nevertheless understands some basic things: say what Should be said when you have the chance. The words are important, even if they already know. Don’t, and the day might come when it’s now too late to.
He was the wild one of our brood - seems like every family has one. Not troublesome in any way for Momma and me. He asked me a serious question once, when he was 16: “Dad, you and Mom hardly ever whipped us when we were kids. How come?”
And my answer a simple one: “We didn’t need to. You were good kids.” He’d thought that over, and nodded his acceptance.
A disciplinary problem aboard his ship sometimes, though, and this didn’t surprise either of us. A different world with different rules. And he never accepted insult from anyone from the time he was small - just not in his nature. Push, and he’d push back.
But by every account we heard, very serious and disciplined when it came to his job. This didn’t surprise us, either. His primary rating Firefighter aboard ship, he’d often complain that the training wasn’t Realistic enough. To the extent that a superior had remarked once in exasperation: “Well, we can’t set the damn ship on fire for you, Bud!”
Well-known and liked throughout the crew, he was something of a minor legend among them. Famous (or infamous - take your pick) for the situations he got himself into to the point that after a while, anyone in trouble beyond the usual was referred to as having “Pulled a Bud.”
Fighting several members of Shore Patrol on one memorable occasion: “It took six of ‘em to get him under control and back to the ship, Mr. OP.” A friend.
With several members of the local PD on an even more memorable one, when he took offense at the treatment of a shipmate.
He’d paid for that one on the way to and at the station. Being thrown headlong down a set of cement stairs with his hands still cuffed behind his back he figured he’d had coming. Ditto with then being picked up and rammed headfirst into a cinder block wall.
Being stripped naked, tossed in a cell, and having a fire hose turned on him every hour on the hour all night he’d objected to: “That shit was Cold, Pop! And it was fucking unnecessary! I catch any of ‘em out alone, I got somethin’ for their ass!”
“You gotta stop this shit, Bud.”
“……Sigh…I know. Do me a favor - don’t tell Mom?”
“I don’t intend to.”
“……Pop?”
“Yeah?”
“Captain says the same thing. Says this is my last chance…….Why’s he giving me another chance, after all the trouble I’ve caused?”
“Because he sees something in you he wants to keep - something of value to the ship. You can be counted on to do your job, no matter what. That carries a lot of weight in the civilian world - more so in the military.”
“…..You think so?”
“I know so.”
One of the last conversations, and over the phone, we’d ever have.
An old Chief remarked to us: “Bud was a throwback. He reminded me of the fighting Sailors of my own youth. I hadn’t met another quite like him in a good many years. He’ll be missed.”
His Captain remarked to me: “He turned it around, Mr. OP. It was as if he made a decision. There wasn’t another single incident of insubordination or anything else. In all my years of service, I’ve never seen anyone do so complete a 180. He’d made his mind up, and that was that. But I guess I don’t have to tell you that. He was actually due for promotion. Did you know that?”
I had. Bud had told me he’d studied for and passed the test. Perfect score, or near enough. He’d broken his hand at the time. A timed test, and his writing hand, he’d been afraid the cast would slow him down too much, so he’d cut it off and gone to get it redone afterward.
Last time I spoke to him, he had some shipmates were in Galveston during Mardi Gras. Out on the promenade. Sounds of revelry in the background. Shakedown cruise in preparation for another deployment.
Presently, to his impatient shipmates: “Just give me a damn minute, all right?! Listen, I guess I better go. Love you, Pop. And tell Mom that for me when she gets home, ok?”
“I will. Love you, too, Bud.”
Good last words to remember, I guess.
All through the days and nights we’d spent in the hospital, waiting, and hoping against hope, Momma and I hadn’t been alone. My brothers were there with us, having driven in from out of state. My sister. Mother.
And his crew. Day and night, young men and women waiting with us in great numbers. Lying sleeping on the floor against the walls lining the corridors, when all other spaces had been taken. None of the hospital staff asking them to leave.
Ship’s Officers and senior Enlisted spending as much time there as presentations for deployment would permit. Checking in in person with us and hospital staff about his condition at least once a day.
And nearly all of them with a story or two to tell about Bud. Many of them funny. For that was who he was, too. He could always make people laugh. Someone being down in his presence he couldn’t abide, and he always knew how to fix that.
It was as if they Needed to. And that Momma and I understood, as well. We’d known him all his life, and we could see that they knew him, too. So we were patient, and we listened.
The day finally came when we were told there was no longer any hope at all. He’d never regained consciousness, and now there was no more brain activity at all. He was gone.
His XO was there with us when we were told, and that large, strong man wept bitterly and unashamedly. I think that probably doesn’t happen often.
Momma and I were alone the next day, in a seated waiting area next to the elevators. Waiting, just the two of us, not speaking much. Everyone had given us that space to ourselves. Sensed that we needed it, I suppose.
The first man arriving with a refrigerated transport case arrived, and took the elevator down. He seemed in a hurry. A man who desperately needed Bud’s strong heart was waiting, and time was of the essence.
Momma and I watched the doors close behind him. Then we both got up, and hand in hand, walked away. It was finished now. The book of his life was closed, though in a sense it never would be.
A few months previous, he’d registered as an organ donor. His choice.
His heart went to a 31-yr-old man in need of a new one.
A young woman in North Dakota sees through his eyes.
Many others were helped, as well. His parting gifts.
Talking to the coordinator of the donor program at the hospital at a later date, I was informed that the man’s new heart was functioning perfectly. He had, in fact, been going to the gym and hitting the weights. Something he’d had no interest in before.
“Lifting and bodybuilding were some of Bud’s passions” I replied.
“I’ve been doing this for a long time” the man had replied in kind. “And you’d be astonished at how many times something like that happens; the recipient unknowingly taking on attributes of the donor. No one can explain it.”
submitted by itsallalittleblurry2 to FuckeryUniveristy [link] [comments]
Not as raw and brutal as it used to be. Had some dark days for both of us for quite a while. Again, the way of it. But acceptance comes eventually, when there’s no other choice.
I try to console myself that he lived life large in the 21 years he had - didn’t waste ‘em. Got to see and do places and things that comparatively few do. Was involved in things he felt were important.
I loved him dearly, and was admiring and proud of the man he’d become. And I told him so quite often. Advice from someone who’d not always as bright as he might be, but who nevertheless understands some basic things: say what Should be said when you have the chance. The words are important, even if they already know. Don’t, and the day might come when it’s now too late to.
He was the wild one of our brood - seems like every family has one. Not troublesome in any way for Momma and me. He asked me a serious question once, when he was 16: “Dad, you and Mom hardly ever whipped us when we were kids. How come?”
And my answer a simple one: “We didn’t need to. You were good kids.” He’d thought that over, and nodded his acceptance.
A disciplinary problem aboard his ship sometimes, though, and this didn’t surprise either of us. A different world with different rules. And he never accepted insult from anyone from the time he was small - just not in his nature. Push, and he’d push back.
But by every account we heard, very serious and disciplined when it came to his job. This didn’t surprise us, either. His primary rating Firefighter aboard ship, he’d often complain that the training wasn’t Realistic enough. To the extent that a superior had remarked once in exasperation: “Well, we can’t set the damn ship on fire for you, Bud!”
Well-known and liked throughout the crew, he was something of a minor legend among them. Famous (or infamous - take your pick) for the situations he got himself into to the point that after a while, anyone in trouble beyond the usual was referred to as having “Pulled a Bud.”
Fighting several members of Shore Patrol on one memorable occasion: “It took six of ‘em to get him under control and back to the ship, Mr. OP.” A friend.
With several members of the local PD on an even more memorable one, when he took offense at the treatment of a shipmate.
He’d paid for that one on the way to and at the station. Being thrown headlong down a set of cement stairs with his hands still cuffed behind his back he figured he’d had coming. Ditto with then being picked up and rammed headfirst into a cinder block wall.
Being stripped naked, tossed in a cell, and having a fire hose turned on him every hour on the hour all night he’d objected to: “That shit was Cold, Pop! And it was fucking unnecessary! I catch any of ‘em out alone, I got somethin’ for their ass!”
“You gotta stop this shit, Bud.”
“……Sigh…I know. Do me a favor - don’t tell Mom?”
“I don’t intend to.”
“……Pop?”
“Yeah?”
“Captain says the same thing. Says this is my last chance…….Why’s he giving me another chance, after all the trouble I’ve caused?”
“Because he sees something in you he wants to keep - something of value to the ship. You can be counted on to do your job, no matter what. That carries a lot of weight in the civilian world - more so in the military.”
“…..You think so?”
“I know so.”
One of the last conversations, and over the phone, we’d ever have.
An old Chief remarked to us: “Bud was a throwback. He reminded me of the fighting Sailors of my own youth. I hadn’t met another quite like him in a good many years. He’ll be missed.”
His Captain remarked to me: “He turned it around, Mr. OP. It was as if he made a decision. There wasn’t another single incident of insubordination or anything else. In all my years of service, I’ve never seen anyone do so complete a 180. He’d made his mind up, and that was that. But I guess I don’t have to tell you that. He was actually due for promotion. Did you know that?”
I had. Bud had told me he’d studied for and passed the test. Perfect score, or near enough. He’d broken his hand at the time. A timed test, and his writing hand, he’d been afraid the cast would slow him down too much, so he’d cut it off and gone to get it redone afterward.
Last time I spoke to him, he had some shipmates were in Galveston during Mardi Gras. Out on the promenade. Sounds of revelry in the background. Shakedown cruise in preparation for another deployment.
Presently, to his impatient shipmates: “Just give me a damn minute, all right?! Listen, I guess I better go. Love you, Pop. And tell Mom that for me when she gets home, ok?”
“I will. Love you, too, Bud.”
Good last words to remember, I guess.
All through the days and nights we’d spent in the hospital, waiting, and hoping against hope, Momma and I hadn’t been alone. My brothers were there with us, having driven in from out of state. My sister. Mother.
And his crew. Day and night, young men and women waiting with us in great numbers. Lying sleeping on the floor against the walls lining the corridors, when all other spaces had been taken. None of the hospital staff asking them to leave.
Ship’s Officers and senior Enlisted spending as much time there as presentations for deployment would permit. Checking in in person with us and hospital staff about his condition at least once a day.
And nearly all of them with a story or two to tell about Bud. Many of them funny. For that was who he was, too. He could always make people laugh. Someone being down in his presence he couldn’t abide, and he always knew how to fix that.
It was as if they Needed to. And that Momma and I understood, as well. We’d known him all his life, and we could see that they knew him, too. So we were patient, and we listened.
The day finally came when we were told there was no longer any hope at all. He’d never regained consciousness, and now there was no more brain activity at all. He was gone.
His XO was there with us when we were told, and that large, strong man wept bitterly and unashamedly. I think that probably doesn’t happen often.
Momma and I were alone the next day, in a seated waiting area next to the elevators. Waiting, just the two of us, not speaking much. Everyone had given us that space to ourselves. Sensed that we needed it, I suppose.
The first man arriving with a refrigerated transport case arrived, and took the elevator down. He seemed in a hurry. A man who desperately needed Bud’s strong heart was waiting, and time was of the essence.
Momma and I watched the doors close behind him. Then we both got up, and hand in hand, walked away. It was finished now. The book of his life was closed, though in a sense it never would be.
A few months previous, he’d registered as an organ donor. His choice.
His heart went to a 31-yr-old man in need of a new one.
A young woman in North Dakota sees through his eyes.
Many others were helped, as well. His parting gifts.
Talking to the coordinator of the donor program at the hospital at a later date, I was informed that the man’s new heart was functioning perfectly. He had, in fact, been going to the gym and hitting the weights. Something he’d had no interest in before.
“Lifting and bodybuilding were some of Bud’s passions” I replied.
“I’ve been doing this for a long time” the man had replied in kind. “And you’d be astonished at how many times something like that happens; the recipient unknowingly taking on attributes of the donor. No one can explain it.”
2024.05.19 11:54 CreamyTentacles Need Advice: Should I Split Expenses Equally with My Higher-Earning Boyfriend?
Hey everyone,
I could use some advice on a financial situation with my boyfriend. I'm 23M from Mexico, and he's 24M from Australia. We've been together for a year, though we met during a vacation and have only spent that time together in person. Since then, we've maintained our relationship through FaceTime.
During our relationship, my boyfriend has covered more of the expenses, including gifts, helping with my credit card, buying me food, help with medical bills, ordering me Ubers, etc. I never take advantage of his help; he always offers, he said that’s his way of showing affection due the distance and I accept every so often as a last resort. He earns 3-4 times more than I do, I have an average job, so I can't afford to get him as many gifts or contribute as much.
We planned a trip to Mexico for my birthday in August. He used his travel points to cover his AUS-MEX flights. We booked two hotels. National flights, carr rental and other costs in advance.
Here's where I need advice: he asked me to split the total expenses for the trip equally, including the plane tickets (excluding his AUS-MEX flight) hotels, car rental, etc. This surprised me because, given our income difference and his usual willingness to cover more costs, I assumed we'd split expenses based on our salaries. He understands that our quality of living is very different.
I have the money to pay my half from my savings, but it would mean working overtime to replenish what I need for university. I don't want to be unfair, but I'm not sure if it's reasonable to split everything 50/50 in this situation.
Should I talk to him about it or just pay my half and move on? I don't want to seem ungrateful or create tension, especially considering all the expenses he's covered so far and the help he's given me with bills, and I can definitely work OT, is not about the money for me but about the equity of the situation. Any advice would be appreciated!
Thanks!
submitted by CreamyTentacles to LDR [link] [comments]
I could use some advice on a financial situation with my boyfriend. I'm 23M from Mexico, and he's 24M from Australia. We've been together for a year, though we met during a vacation and have only spent that time together in person. Since then, we've maintained our relationship through FaceTime.
During our relationship, my boyfriend has covered more of the expenses, including gifts, helping with my credit card, buying me food, help with medical bills, ordering me Ubers, etc. I never take advantage of his help; he always offers, he said that’s his way of showing affection due the distance and I accept every so often as a last resort. He earns 3-4 times more than I do, I have an average job, so I can't afford to get him as many gifts or contribute as much.
We planned a trip to Mexico for my birthday in August. He used his travel points to cover his AUS-MEX flights. We booked two hotels. National flights, carr rental and other costs in advance.
Here's where I need advice: he asked me to split the total expenses for the trip equally, including the plane tickets (excluding his AUS-MEX flight) hotels, car rental, etc. This surprised me because, given our income difference and his usual willingness to cover more costs, I assumed we'd split expenses based on our salaries. He understands that our quality of living is very different.
I have the money to pay my half from my savings, but it would mean working overtime to replenish what I need for university. I don't want to be unfair, but I'm not sure if it's reasonable to split everything 50/50 in this situation.
Should I talk to him about it or just pay my half and move on? I don't want to seem ungrateful or create tension, especially considering all the expenses he's covered so far and the help he's given me with bills, and I can definitely work OT, is not about the money for me but about the equity of the situation. Any advice would be appreciated!
Thanks!
2024.05.19 11:52 Academic-Painter1999 How I'm beating Colosseum without a single A+ or above character: A very long and comprehensive guide
Hey everyone! I've been seeing a few posts here and there about Colosseum and just an overall interest in S/S+ characters. I myself am among the unlucky few who has not yet pulled a single S character, but I've managed to 3-star every stage in the first story mode as well as complete every single mode aside from the Superstar Challenge and the Beach one (I'm putting these off until I get an S Wing Spiker since Superstar seems impossible to 3-star without a Spiker that can more frequently boom/no-touch ace, and Beach is just boring to me imo).
In addition, I've been able to beat Colosseum with only a team consisting of an A-rank WS, B+ MB, and B+ Setter. Of course, this took me a few tries but the main thing that I've learned is that the final boss is much easier to get through than the boss stages. I'm playing with Beginner and Auto mode turned off, while Run-Up is turned ON. I'm not sure if different settings will help.
I'll expand on this now and give more detail, but I'd just like to say first that this is NOT a guide for a guaranteed win. Some RNG will still matter and therefore you may not be able to win the Colosseum run on your first try. This will be a VERY long guide, but I'll try my best to give a summary at the end for those who don't have the patience or want an easy flowchart to look at while playing.
So let's start off with your roster and playing style.
Stats of your team:
Firstly, you definitely want every member to be at least B+ so you can possibly max out 2 stats and get some additional points in to others. Do NOT attempt Colosseum if you can't max out your players' stats; you'd just be frustrating youself.
For the Setter, I maxed out Jump and Defense and spent the extra points on Speed. My Setter came with 85 Attack so I simply didn't bother increasing it since it's costly and she seems to be able to get serve aces anyway even with a low attack stat.
For my MB, I maxed out Defense and Speed while spending the rest of the points on Attack. IMO you can probably tweak with this as you like, the MB really isn't that important anyway.
My reasoning for this is that you'll be doing pretty much all of the work on getting points anyway, so might as well increase your teammates' chances of blocking out spikes or receiving without getting their defenses broken through if you make mistakes.
Stats of your WS and how your playing style will vary:
As for the stats, obviously you want a maxed out Attack and Jump, while I keep Speed at least at 100 and spend the rest of my points in Defense. The low Speed is due to the fact that you'll be spending pretty much all your time in your team's zone anyway, and having a high speed MB can make up for any threats of a Touch Out.
Your playing style will be one of two things which are purely dependent on your Wing Spiker's height. Note that these playstyles only really matter with the non-boss teams and are all about defense. We'll be employing team-specific strategies when it comes to attack/defense against bosses and attacks against the non-bosses.
Currently my two best WSs are 179cm (A-rank) and 212cm (A-minus rank). The 179cm WS is my main WS that I use right now purely because of additional stats, and he's the shortest player on my team.
The tall playstyle (probably good for at least 190cm WS) will involve blocking a lot because some of the players on the regular teams generally have weak attacks but can spike higher than shorter characters, so having a tall WS with good defense stats is often enough to block out the strongest spikes from these teams. This also matters more at the start because most of the ability cards at the first round will decrease your jump points, so if your player's tall enough to still be able to block shots from the enemy team with decreased jump, then you can definitely go with this style.
The short playstyle (good for below 190cm) involves going for dives on every shot that the enemy takes. It conserves team stamina and gives you more chances to get attacks in and whittle the enemy's defenses down.
Obviously, if you've been playing for a while, you already know the advantages of blocking and diving. But, the key difference between the two when it comes to Colosseum is that the tall playstyle is generally easier and more aggressive and can let you win games faster through good blocks, but is more prone to RNG with your block sometimes leading to an unsalvageable touch out and therefore making you lose points.
Meanwhile, the short playstyle is harder but a safer style. It's harder because you need to be good at reacting to quicks and positioning yourself in general. But if you can consistently dive enemy spikes, then you'll never get a touch out and you save your team stamina for the few times that you make a mistake and your team has to cover, which they'll often do by simple receives and not dives.
Once you've determined your playstyle, let's take a look at your general tournament strategy and then your attack strategy for each opponent.
General Strategy:
When starting a run, the rule of thumb is to take a look at the path and see which one you can take with at least ONE rest while having the least amount of boss fights. If you get lucky, you can have a path with 1-2 rests without a single boss fight to take. If you're low on health/score (3 or below), I suggest avoiding boss fights completely even if taking the boss fight can lead you to a rest. Ideally you'll have at least 7-8 score/health remaining by the time you reach the final boss.
When it comes to resting, I haven't tried the full heal yet since I don't really need the full 10 HP to win. I only take the 5 HP restoration if I'm below 6 HP and take the -5 Attack -2 Jump debuffs which won't really have noticeable effects unless you weren't able to balance out your buffs and debuffs.
As for ability cards, I suggest choosing the -10%/20% jump reductions at the start if you can find them. You can choose to reroll if you really want to/can afford it, but in any case, the guideline for stats ability cards is this:
Non-boss team strategies:
Let's start with Blue Lancia, which imo is the most predictable non-boss team in the mode (I've gotten multipel 12-0s against them). Their blocking is somehow near-perfect yet their receives are ass. So, to keep this short, the flowchart is just around 2 conditions, based on the enemy blocker:
For Yellow Spear, most of the strategy involves around defense. They're the only non-boss team that likes doing quicks/surprise attacks from what I observed, and their attacks CAN get through high defense at times. For attacking against them, you can play normally but you might want to go for feints if their tall blocker jumps (I forgot his name) since he can sometimes block you out, but not as much as Blue Lancia.
Boss teams:
There are certain teams that you want to avoid completely. Although you can try your luck with some of them if you think you're skilled enough to do so. I suggest avoiding boss fights completely if you're only on 3 health or lower unless you're willing to use the quitting/retry cheese strat.
My ranking of the boss teams from easiest to hardest to beat is as follows (note once again that this is from the perspective of playing with NO S characters, I'm sure that this will be completely different for those with S characters especially a WS):
Another disclaimer coming here... I haven't fought Robert's team yet at the time of this writing so I can't really give my insights on how to beat them. But considering how surprisingly forgiving BYE (NN's team) and BELL (Isabel's team) are, I doubt that Robert would be any different.
I find BELL to be the easiest team to play against. You can play pretty much normally since they don't have strong blocks and receives, while defending would just be doing the usual dive strat which I've already mentioned is the safest.
BYE is harder but only in a general sense. I don't find NN's set to be that much of a threat (tbh it makes their attack much easier to time), and Jaehyun's spike is consistently blockable although not worth testing the RNG for possible Touch Outs if your score is low already.
Summary:
Take jump debuffs (I almost never take the Easy ability cards since I want to greed for Blue Flames) at the start and just slide/dive or block against weak attack teams. I recommend diving for pretty much every team and don't bother blocking if you wanna conserve health as much as possible, but this can make your runs longer.
Play normally against Red Scudo. Play more defensively against Yellow Spear. Feint as much as possible against Blue Lancia and only spike when the enemy blocker doesn't jump with you.
Go for boss fights if you have enough health and they aren't Valentia/Solar. Make sure to get a good ability card such as Nishikawa's Topspin Feint, Overpower or Heesung's Absolute Block (if you can mitigate your original jump debuffs) if you can afford rerolling for them; otherwise just take whatever good ability card you can get and prioritize Attack/the stats most affected by previous debuffs.
I highly suggest avoiding Valentia Spike and Solar unless you're determined to figuring them out. IMO it's a waste of time to attempt them without an S-rank but of course, it's your choice.
Against BYE, keep an eye out for NN's set and change your receive timing when he's setting. That's the only difficult part.
Against BELL, just receive well and be persistent with your spikes. By the time that you've reached them, you'd ideally have a high enough attack stat that you can easily break through their defenses.
And that's pretty much it! I'll update this post or just post a comment about Robert once I've played against his team. Apologies for the length of this post, but hopefully this helps some of you :)
submitted by Academic-Painter1999 to thespikegame [link] [comments]
In addition, I've been able to beat Colosseum with only a team consisting of an A-rank WS, B+ MB, and B+ Setter. Of course, this took me a few tries but the main thing that I've learned is that the final boss is much easier to get through than the boss stages. I'm playing with Beginner and Auto mode turned off, while Run-Up is turned ON. I'm not sure if different settings will help.
I'll expand on this now and give more detail, but I'd just like to say first that this is NOT a guide for a guaranteed win. Some RNG will still matter and therefore you may not be able to win the Colosseum run on your first try. This will be a VERY long guide, but I'll try my best to give a summary at the end for those who don't have the patience or want an easy flowchart to look at while playing.
So let's start off with your roster and playing style.
Stats of your team:
Firstly, you definitely want every member to be at least B+ so you can possibly max out 2 stats and get some additional points in to others. Do NOT attempt Colosseum if you can't max out your players' stats; you'd just be frustrating youself.
For the Setter, I maxed out Jump and Defense and spent the extra points on Speed. My Setter came with 85 Attack so I simply didn't bother increasing it since it's costly and she seems to be able to get serve aces anyway even with a low attack stat.
For my MB, I maxed out Defense and Speed while spending the rest of the points on Attack. IMO you can probably tweak with this as you like, the MB really isn't that important anyway.
My reasoning for this is that you'll be doing pretty much all of the work on getting points anyway, so might as well increase your teammates' chances of blocking out spikes or receiving without getting their defenses broken through if you make mistakes.
Stats of your WS and how your playing style will vary:
As for the stats, obviously you want a maxed out Attack and Jump, while I keep Speed at least at 100 and spend the rest of my points in Defense. The low Speed is due to the fact that you'll be spending pretty much all your time in your team's zone anyway, and having a high speed MB can make up for any threats of a Touch Out.
Your playing style will be one of two things which are purely dependent on your Wing Spiker's height. Note that these playstyles only really matter with the non-boss teams and are all about defense. We'll be employing team-specific strategies when it comes to attack/defense against bosses and attacks against the non-bosses.
Currently my two best WSs are 179cm (A-rank) and 212cm (A-minus rank). The 179cm WS is my main WS that I use right now purely because of additional stats, and he's the shortest player on my team.
The tall playstyle (probably good for at least 190cm WS) will involve blocking a lot because some of the players on the regular teams generally have weak attacks but can spike higher than shorter characters, so having a tall WS with good defense stats is often enough to block out the strongest spikes from these teams. This also matters more at the start because most of the ability cards at the first round will decrease your jump points, so if your player's tall enough to still be able to block shots from the enemy team with decreased jump, then you can definitely go with this style.
The short playstyle (good for below 190cm) involves going for dives on every shot that the enemy takes. It conserves team stamina and gives you more chances to get attacks in and whittle the enemy's defenses down.
Obviously, if you've been playing for a while, you already know the advantages of blocking and diving. But, the key difference between the two when it comes to Colosseum is that the tall playstyle is generally easier and more aggressive and can let you win games faster through good blocks, but is more prone to RNG with your block sometimes leading to an unsalvageable touch out and therefore making you lose points.
Meanwhile, the short playstyle is harder but a safer style. It's harder because you need to be good at reacting to quicks and positioning yourself in general. But if you can consistently dive enemy spikes, then you'll never get a touch out and you save your team stamina for the few times that you make a mistake and your team has to cover, which they'll often do by simple receives and not dives.
Once you've determined your playstyle, let's take a look at your general tournament strategy and then your attack strategy for each opponent.
General Strategy:
When starting a run, the rule of thumb is to take a look at the path and see which one you can take with at least ONE rest while having the least amount of boss fights. If you get lucky, you can have a path with 1-2 rests without a single boss fight to take. If you're low on health/score (3 or below), I suggest avoiding boss fights completely even if taking the boss fight can lead you to a rest. Ideally you'll have at least 7-8 score/health remaining by the time you reach the final boss.
When it comes to resting, I haven't tried the full heal yet since I don't really need the full 10 HP to win. I only take the 5 HP restoration if I'm below 6 HP and take the -5 Attack -2 Jump debuffs which won't really have noticeable effects unless you weren't able to balance out your buffs and debuffs.
As for ability cards, I suggest choosing the -10%/20% jump reductions at the start if you can find them. You can choose to reroll if you really want to/can afford it, but in any case, the guideline for stats ability cards is this:
- Avoid going below 150 for Attack; preferably you keep it at least at the max 155. This means that the more attack buffs you get from some ability cards, the more you can afford having it reduced by others.
- Avoid reducing your speed (assuming your WS is like mine with only 100 Speed). Since you're the one mainly going for dives/blocks, you want to be able to move around at normal speed and most of the cards that increase speed aren't really worth it.
- Unless you've been able to mitigate the initial 10/20% reduction, do NOT take any cards that reduce jump. Obviously since you're already taking huge hits to your jump stat, reducing it further without mitigating thru buffs will make it so much harder to spike/block.
- Let your Defense stats take the most hits; if your defense goes low enough (around 120 and below), switch to diving style if you're not using it already.
Non-boss team strategies:
Let's start with Blue Lancia, which imo is the most predictable non-boss team in the mode (I've gotten multipel 12-0s against them). Their blocking is somehow near-perfect yet their receives are ass. So, to keep this short, the flowchart is just around 2 conditions, based on the enemy blocker:
- Whoever's blocking you at the net jumps at the same time as you do - Just feint. Even at max attack, my WS rarely ever gets through the blocker and causes me to lose points when spiking, so just feint over him, and if you do it for long enough, Blue Lancia's receiving is so bad that their receive will break even from just a simple feint.
- They don't jump at the same time - Spike. The max attack stats will break stamina faster. You'll rarely win points from spiking because even when their defenses are broken, they can keep the ball in the air when receiving spikes but can't when it's a feint So ultimately you'll still be going back to condition #1 to actually win the point.
For Yellow Spear, most of the strategy involves around defense. They're the only non-boss team that likes doing quicks/surprise attacks from what I observed, and their attacks CAN get through high defense at times. For attacking against them, you can play normally but you might want to go for feints if their tall blocker jumps (I forgot his name) since he can sometimes block you out, but not as much as Blue Lancia.
Boss teams:
There are certain teams that you want to avoid completely. Although you can try your luck with some of them if you think you're skilled enough to do so. I suggest avoiding boss fights completely if you're only on 3 health or lower unless you're willing to use the quitting/retry cheese strat.
My ranking of the boss teams from easiest to hardest to beat is as follows (note once again that this is from the perspective of playing with NO S characters, I'm sure that this will be completely different for those with S characters especially a WS):
- ZeroN - Strong stats and fast spikes by Youngsub which can make it tough to dive, but once you're on the attack, there's nothing special you need to really do to get points.
- Art High - Mid stats and extremely annoying to play against because of how consistently they can receive, but their attack's pretty predictable and even consistently blockable except if it's Sanghyeon spiking. You only really need to look out for Sanghyeon and that's about it.
- SolaOasis's team (forgot the full name) - Very difficult to beat, I suggest avoiding them. Surprisingly, AI Oasis isn't all that hard to play against, but the real challenge when it comes to this team is their serves. Both Oasis and ESPECIALLY Lisia have difficult serves. Lisia's underhand seems to always target you, though, so as long as you get the timing right, it's possible to receive it with a dive. But I suggest eating the serve with a normal receive if you can't get the timing or if you're confident that your defense/stamina can handle it.
- Valentia Spikes - Just avoid them. The Nishikawa in the Colosseum mode is the one that does the delayed spike the most which your team can't really defend against. Other Nishikawa spikes are blockable and actually quite predictable based on his positioning, but the delayed spike and his serves will eat up your points. I think with enough practice and the right ability cards, you can definitely learn to beat this team but it doesn't really seem worth it without an S-rank WS.
Another disclaimer coming here... I haven't fought Robert's team yet at the time of this writing so I can't really give my insights on how to beat them. But considering how surprisingly forgiving BYE (NN's team) and BELL (Isabel's team) are, I doubt that Robert would be any different.
I find BELL to be the easiest team to play against. You can play pretty much normally since they don't have strong blocks and receives, while defending would just be doing the usual dive strat which I've already mentioned is the safest.
BYE is harder but only in a general sense. I don't find NN's set to be that much of a threat (tbh it makes their attack much easier to time), and Jaehyun's spike is consistently blockable although not worth testing the RNG for possible Touch Outs if your score is low already.
Summary:
Take jump debuffs (I almost never take the Easy ability cards since I want to greed for Blue Flames) at the start and just slide/dive or block against weak attack teams. I recommend diving for pretty much every team and don't bother blocking if you wanna conserve health as much as possible, but this can make your runs longer.
Play normally against Red Scudo. Play more defensively against Yellow Spear. Feint as much as possible against Blue Lancia and only spike when the enemy blocker doesn't jump with you.
Go for boss fights if you have enough health and they aren't Valentia/Solar. Make sure to get a good ability card such as Nishikawa's Topspin Feint, Overpower or Heesung's Absolute Block (if you can mitigate your original jump debuffs) if you can afford rerolling for them; otherwise just take whatever good ability card you can get and prioritize Attack/the stats most affected by previous debuffs.
I highly suggest avoiding Valentia Spike and Solar unless you're determined to figuring them out. IMO it's a waste of time to attempt them without an S-rank but of course, it's your choice.
Against BYE, keep an eye out for NN's set and change your receive timing when he's setting. That's the only difficult part.
Against BELL, just receive well and be persistent with your spikes. By the time that you've reached them, you'd ideally have a high enough attack stat that you can easily break through their defenses.
And that's pretty much it! I'll update this post or just post a comment about Robert once I've played against his team. Apologies for the length of this post, but hopefully this helps some of you :)
2024.05.19 11:35 MotleyCrew1989 ADVICE NEEDED: I (35M) confront, play dumb or cut contact with a (F33) friend over something she confided me??
Prepare for a wall of text, this is a long one, also, english is not my mother´s tongue. Im posting this after a question in AskMen touched a sensitive fiber and I need some advice on how to proceed. I posted this on relationshipadvice too, but the female perspective you could offer me here might help me understand this from her point of view too.
She is a married friend of mine, but our friendship is quite peculiar.
We know eachother since our last year at university (eight years ago), we did a team asignament and got along well so we continued seeing eachother after the course ended. We clicked well and talked about everything including our romantic lifes, her almost sexless relationship and my shitty and sexless dating life. We developed trust, companionship and a curiosity for trying new things together. We have the same values, political leaning and dark sense of humour. It is a great friendship and we can confide eachother anything.
She was in an almost sexless relationship for years, she married that same guy and is still married to him (14 years together and counting). Her relationship with her now husband is great except for the sexual aspect. This was a recurring conflict in her relationship up to the point than her then BF told her than "if she wanted sex so much she could find someone else", it didnt bothered him that she had sex outside of the relationship. She almost told him to go fuck himself right there. Ironically, near the marriage date she found chats his fiance had with another woman, he was planing on cheating on her. They talked thing out, she forgave him and got married. I asked her WTF she was thinkig, but she said she loved him...
Over the years of closeness, trust and mutual support, we developed atraction we both adknowledged to eachother but we both knew nothing would happen because she was married. Just to give you an example, she once told me that if she wasnt married we would have been having sex from long ago (wierd to translate from spanish), and I told her that the only thing stopping me is that she respected her marriage. This kind pull and push went on every once in a while for years. We both knew nothing would happen but we liked having someone that made us feel sexually desired, as her relationship was as sexless as before the marriage, and my dating life sucked big time.
Arround year and a half ago, she gave her husband an ultimatum and he finally went to an endocrinologist and a therapist, and after some time their sexual life improved. This went fine for arround a year until her father in law passed away, and their sex life plummeted again.
In our last meetups she told me her husband screwed up again, she found he had a collection of pictures he took from a coworkers IG profile and pictures from other women, which he looked before having sex with her to arouse and prepare himself for the act. When she confronted him, he said he was going to try to improve, but a month passed and he was caught again looking at other womens pic. He said to her that his psychologist told him he wasnt hurting anyone by doing this, as it wasnt cheating.
He said he wanted to do a clean slate, try from the begining again and she also said she had something to confess. A year after the wedding, she took some singing lessons (she sings preety well) and there was a classmate that didnt gave a fuck she was married, she hadnt had sex in months, found someone who was agresive in his aproach, lusted for her and caved in. She told me about the guy when this happened, but she lied to me and said that "it took a lot of willpower and self restraint not to cheat".
Now, here is the problem:
I never expected her to dump her BF/husband for me because that is a recipe for failure and being replaced on the same way the previous guy was. And while I stated I was interested I never pushed too far because of her morals (christian practicing woman who believed in marriage and loyalty AFAIK then). I have to admit than I if she dumped him I would have taken my chance because she is everything I want in a woman (except for the cheating part), she actually raised the standard of what I would like in a long term partner.
But it really pissed me off than the moment she decides to take the risk to set her life on fire, she does it with a random guy, and that the excuse she gave me is that she valued our friendship and would have caused her a lot of pain if her husband found out and she couldnt see me again, she didnt sleep with me because she values me. What kind of twisted, emotionally manipulative way ot thinking is that???. I didnt confront her that exact moment and emotionally dissociated because at the time we were having a coffee previous to a theater function she gifted the ticket to me for my birthday (we give eachother nice gifts), it was not the time nor the place.
I honestly feel used for the validation her husband didnt gave her for years, and a part of me wants to tell her to fuck off and never talk to her again. Another part of me sees a great friend in her, and it would hurt me dearly not having her in my life. This confession changed the way I see her, there is no going back from that. I can accept being second to her husband, for good or bad, its the man she choosed to share her life with, but not to a random stranger (one who didnt gave a fuck about her values).
I have to be honest too, and in these eight years my dating life was a dissaster, I never dated much, I tried for a month or two, then dropped the towel for months on a never ending cycle with longer hiatus each time. Dating allmost always lead nowhere for me, I only had sex with two women in all that time, I would have loved a LTR but it never happened for me. So, having someone that found me atractive as a person and as a man made me feel a bit valued.
TLDR: I have feelings for a married friend, she said she is atracted to me too. It never lead anywhere because we both knew our place. She cheated on her husband with a random guy and told me she didnt cheat on him with me because she values me.
submitted by MotleyCrew1989 to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]
She is a married friend of mine, but our friendship is quite peculiar.
We know eachother since our last year at university (eight years ago), we did a team asignament and got along well so we continued seeing eachother after the course ended. We clicked well and talked about everything including our romantic lifes, her almost sexless relationship and my shitty and sexless dating life. We developed trust, companionship and a curiosity for trying new things together. We have the same values, political leaning and dark sense of humour. It is a great friendship and we can confide eachother anything.
She was in an almost sexless relationship for years, she married that same guy and is still married to him (14 years together and counting). Her relationship with her now husband is great except for the sexual aspect. This was a recurring conflict in her relationship up to the point than her then BF told her than "if she wanted sex so much she could find someone else", it didnt bothered him that she had sex outside of the relationship. She almost told him to go fuck himself right there. Ironically, near the marriage date she found chats his fiance had with another woman, he was planing on cheating on her. They talked thing out, she forgave him and got married. I asked her WTF she was thinkig, but she said she loved him...
Over the years of closeness, trust and mutual support, we developed atraction we both adknowledged to eachother but we both knew nothing would happen because she was married. Just to give you an example, she once told me that if she wasnt married we would have been having sex from long ago (wierd to translate from spanish), and I told her that the only thing stopping me is that she respected her marriage. This kind pull and push went on every once in a while for years. We both knew nothing would happen but we liked having someone that made us feel sexually desired, as her relationship was as sexless as before the marriage, and my dating life sucked big time.
Arround year and a half ago, she gave her husband an ultimatum and he finally went to an endocrinologist and a therapist, and after some time their sexual life improved. This went fine for arround a year until her father in law passed away, and their sex life plummeted again.
In our last meetups she told me her husband screwed up again, she found he had a collection of pictures he took from a coworkers IG profile and pictures from other women, which he looked before having sex with her to arouse and prepare himself for the act. When she confronted him, he said he was going to try to improve, but a month passed and he was caught again looking at other womens pic. He said to her that his psychologist told him he wasnt hurting anyone by doing this, as it wasnt cheating.
He said he wanted to do a clean slate, try from the begining again and she also said she had something to confess. A year after the wedding, she took some singing lessons (she sings preety well) and there was a classmate that didnt gave a fuck she was married, she hadnt had sex in months, found someone who was agresive in his aproach, lusted for her and caved in. She told me about the guy when this happened, but she lied to me and said that "it took a lot of willpower and self restraint not to cheat".
Now, here is the problem:
I never expected her to dump her BF/husband for me because that is a recipe for failure and being replaced on the same way the previous guy was. And while I stated I was interested I never pushed too far because of her morals (christian practicing woman who believed in marriage and loyalty AFAIK then). I have to admit than I if she dumped him I would have taken my chance because she is everything I want in a woman (except for the cheating part), she actually raised the standard of what I would like in a long term partner.
But it really pissed me off than the moment she decides to take the risk to set her life on fire, she does it with a random guy, and that the excuse she gave me is that she valued our friendship and would have caused her a lot of pain if her husband found out and she couldnt see me again, she didnt sleep with me because she values me. What kind of twisted, emotionally manipulative way ot thinking is that???. I didnt confront her that exact moment and emotionally dissociated because at the time we were having a coffee previous to a theater function she gifted the ticket to me for my birthday (we give eachother nice gifts), it was not the time nor the place.
I honestly feel used for the validation her husband didnt gave her for years, and a part of me wants to tell her to fuck off and never talk to her again. Another part of me sees a great friend in her, and it would hurt me dearly not having her in my life. This confession changed the way I see her, there is no going back from that. I can accept being second to her husband, for good or bad, its the man she choosed to share her life with, but not to a random stranger (one who didnt gave a fuck about her values).
I have to be honest too, and in these eight years my dating life was a dissaster, I never dated much, I tried for a month or two, then dropped the towel for months on a never ending cycle with longer hiatus each time. Dating allmost always lead nowhere for me, I only had sex with two women in all that time, I would have loved a LTR but it never happened for me. So, having someone that found me atractive as a person and as a man made me feel a bit valued.
TLDR: I have feelings for a married friend, she said she is atracted to me too. It never lead anywhere because we both knew our place. She cheated on her husband with a random guy and told me she didnt cheat on him with me because she values me.
2024.05.19 11:32 Any-Background1659 Was this from too much alcohol or did they put something in my drink? help
Hi guys. I am making this publication because I feel worried and I would like you to please read my case and respond to me based on your experience. I really need it... and I don't know if it's this the right forum...
I am a 25 year old man who attends parties and drinks alcohol occasionally and with self-control, my head may spin, but I am always aware and remember everything. On Saturday, May 11, I attended a party where I went alone and was drinking and socializing with different groups. I have no idea how much I drank all night, but it was several sips of a 6% vodka carbonated drink. I believe that from 11 p.m. until 4 a.m it will have been 1 liter in total, I think. I usually drink little by little, but when the party got exciting around 3:30 a.m It was when I started drinking the drink as if it were water (By then I had already joined another group). At 4:20 a.m They were already throwing us out of the place because they were already closing and I left with this group walking towards the whereabouts (which was 20 minutes from where we were). By then my condition was normal, I was not sleepy and much less drunk, I was super aware of what was happening around me. A few minutes later while I was walking... in the blink of an eye I wake up in a hospital with an serum IV, but only for a brief moment because then in another blink of an eye I remember that I am getting to my room with the help of my relatives and the first thing I do is turn on my PC, I could barely write and I tried to look for answers and what had happened, but my head hurt a lot like I had a hangover. (My jacket, my glasses, my cell phone, my card were stolen, and the password had been changed on one of my emails) After that I don't remember much, I think I went to sleep and got up the next day in the early morning more aware. That day I had not eaten anything all day.
In my emails he said he had done a transfer at 4:52 a.m. and another at 08:06 a.m. and I wonder: How? Because to enter mobile banking you need a pin number (I don't have my fingerprints registered in the app, only to unlock my cell phone) and then according to my Google route at 4:48 a.m. I was already at the whereabouts, where they found me lying on the ground 3 hours and later notified my relatives. Why can't I remember anything? Is it possible that I was drugged or did I just drink too much? This is the first time this has happened to me and I am worried about how I was able to be so accessible to give important information, because I have no signs of having been physically attacked and to this day I have a slight taste bitter in my mouth.
My mom shows me the photos of that day in the hospital where I look terrible, my eyes drooping, staring at nothing, and super serious. She said that sometimes she would shake (maybe from the cold) and she could barely get up. The only words I said to my mother were: How did you get there? How did you find me? She also says that I was the one who had given the number when the police had found me lying there. (He tells me all this days later)
It's been 1 week since then, I've cried a lot and I can't sleep because I can't understand how this happened to me, but I'm grateful to God for being alive and without any injuries.
Has something like this happened to you? Some answer? How does the body of a person with excess alcohol function? Do they really faint? In the sense that they faint fall to the ground? Or is there another type of internal fainting? I'm new to this and I would appreciate if you could answer me, please. Sorry for my English, I'm using a translator.
Thank you.
submitted by Any-Background1659 to Advice [link] [comments]
I am a 25 year old man who attends parties and drinks alcohol occasionally and with self-control, my head may spin, but I am always aware and remember everything. On Saturday, May 11, I attended a party where I went alone and was drinking and socializing with different groups. I have no idea how much I drank all night, but it was several sips of a 6% vodka carbonated drink. I believe that from 11 p.m. until 4 a.m it will have been 1 liter in total, I think. I usually drink little by little, but when the party got exciting around 3:30 a.m It was when I started drinking the drink as if it were water (By then I had already joined another group). At 4:20 a.m They were already throwing us out of the place because they were already closing and I left with this group walking towards the whereabouts (which was 20 minutes from where we were). By then my condition was normal, I was not sleepy and much less drunk, I was super aware of what was happening around me. A few minutes later while I was walking... in the blink of an eye I wake up in a hospital with an serum IV, but only for a brief moment because then in another blink of an eye I remember that I am getting to my room with the help of my relatives and the first thing I do is turn on my PC, I could barely write and I tried to look for answers and what had happened, but my head hurt a lot like I had a hangover. (My jacket, my glasses, my cell phone, my card were stolen, and the password had been changed on one of my emails) After that I don't remember much, I think I went to sleep and got up the next day in the early morning more aware. That day I had not eaten anything all day.
In my emails he said he had done a transfer at 4:52 a.m. and another at 08:06 a.m. and I wonder: How? Because to enter mobile banking you need a pin number (I don't have my fingerprints registered in the app, only to unlock my cell phone) and then according to my Google route at 4:48 a.m. I was already at the whereabouts, where they found me lying on the ground 3 hours and later notified my relatives. Why can't I remember anything? Is it possible that I was drugged or did I just drink too much? This is the first time this has happened to me and I am worried about how I was able to be so accessible to give important information, because I have no signs of having been physically attacked and to this day I have a slight taste bitter in my mouth.
My mom shows me the photos of that day in the hospital where I look terrible, my eyes drooping, staring at nothing, and super serious. She said that sometimes she would shake (maybe from the cold) and she could barely get up. The only words I said to my mother were: How did you get there? How did you find me? She also says that I was the one who had given the number when the police had found me lying there. (He tells me all this days later)
It's been 1 week since then, I've cried a lot and I can't sleep because I can't understand how this happened to me, but I'm grateful to God for being alive and without any injuries.
Has something like this happened to you? Some answer? How does the body of a person with excess alcohol function? Do they really faint? In the sense that they faint fall to the ground? Or is there another type of internal fainting? I'm new to this and I would appreciate if you could answer me, please. Sorry for my English, I'm using a translator.
Thank you.
2024.05.19 11:26 ThrowRAcvkv A situation between me (24F) and my boyfriend (26M), can anyone please help me out through this?
Me (24F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been dating since 9 months. I am an old school, hopeless romantic kinda woman who writes poetry and stuff, doesn’t give up on love at all, till the last ounce of my breath. He was a F boy for 2 years straight because he lost his mother during COVID and he was trying to cope with it. But i gave him a chance to change and think maturely about relationships. We both are on the same page of having a sensible and serious relationship. But we have been going through a very rough patch lately. In the beginning 4-5 months he behaved very nicely and stuff, gave me time, was patient with me, validated my feelings (since i am over-thinker, so i need a lot of reassurance) but now the tables have turned. He asked me to support him since he was struggling financially and I agreed with him but as soon as i agreed with him, he started unpacking his stress baggage, talking to me rudely, behaving very differently, doesn’t even caring about me (even i am crying or i am ill or even at the hospital), blaming everything on me (for example if he fails to work because of his laziness or lack of attention he will blame it on me that i wasn’t able to work because you said me this and my all the attention goes there and my mind switches off itself and couldn’t work), stopped talking about the relationship and started saying me to handle everything, if i say something like i have been feeling the distance between us or just some general feelings of mine, he will start shouting and creates a fight, even though i apologise like 100 times, started treating me very badly (for example, yesterday I was waiting and roaming around the city for 7 hours in almost peak summers just to spend 1 hour with him so that we can sit and talk about us, i ate nothing and i told him that, he didn’t asked or cared to ask where i was or did i ate something instead just said sorry he was busy in work and couldn’t made it on time, i still understood his situation and greeted him by hugging him. And then as i started talking about our relationship and all the problems we are facing nowadays (honestly was on the verge of breaking up and it was a serious conversation) and he was still busy on the phone checking about the damn cricket match) And at the end still blamed me that he asked me to support him during this stressful time but he couldn’t see any support from my side. If i text him less thinking he might be busy, then also he will blame me that i don’t care about him, if i check up on him and send texts and still will get blamed that he couldn’t work because of me, while he says harsh and ruthless things to me but i endure all most of the times, thinking he might be stressed but it hurts me as well as i am a human being as well, so i bring those things up to him and still he blames me that i fight with him.
I mean i don’t know what he wants and when i ask him how do you want me to support you, he says i don’t know you should figure out yourself as you love me.
Can anyone help me what should i do? :(
submitted by ThrowRAcvkv to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I mean i don’t know what he wants and when i ask him how do you want me to support you, he says i don’t know you should figure out yourself as you love me.
Can anyone help me what should i do? :(
2024.05.19 11:11 KitchenTasty8929 Mil overstepped/ emeshmemt
My husband and I started dating during Covid. We are both gamers, and had met through my brother who is a long time friend of his. They met once before.
My attraction was his voice, his personality and eventually finding out he was very handsome didn’t hurt either. We connected right away and fell in love. A year and a bit of disappointment, the border finally opened and we met in person.
The chemistry has been undeniably strong. He fell hard and so did I. I began to get excited at the idea of marrying him. Starting a life together. The works!
I visited him afterwards and met his family. He lives at home as he’s saving money and helps his mom a lot around the house and overall. She’s older (65+) and needs help a lot. She’s energetic and light hearted but also has a wicked streak.
I never anticipated this. When I met she was super sweet. It was his sister that gave me a hard time at first, which was difficult but I persevered regardless. His mother started as supportive, but as soon as I started discussing future plans, everything began to change.
Suddenly I was rushing things, my husband, life , etc. I was 25 when we dated and he was 23. We were younger but not THAT young. We both eagerly discussed marriage since week 2 of dating. We dated a year and a bit when I first met his family.
Every conversation with his sister or mom during the first year or two of dating revolved around my lack of education. They’re a degree family (teachers at a elementary school and pre-K) and looked down on me because I didn’t have one, so I decided to open up about my trauma and childhood to help them understand why I’m where I’m at in life, and that it’s actually way better than I could ever imagine.
I have my own place. I make good money at a corporate job I’ve been at for several years, and I travel frequently. I have a full life of friends and family of my own. I don’t talk to my mom because she was physically abusive until I was 17 and worse. His mom knows this.
I explained that we need a marriage based visa approval before I can legally move to his country (USA) from mine (Canada). Student visa is pricey and not ideal for future plans. I went through the process and it all over 20 times in length. Trying to get everyone to understand it was the best option to get married. They fought it HARD. I cried so much, so many times.
I had no idea why they were soiling on our goals and on me. My husband was so excited to get married, he knew what we needed to do. They actively tried to convince him not to do it but then helped him plan my engagement decorations and cake. His sister was annoyed by this, since it was hard to watch her younger brother grow up and as her own marriage was rocky at the time.
After we got married his mom started making comments only to me about how we have to “wait and see how it all goes after a year” implying we wouldn’t last that long. She constantly says stuff like this. Especially when we’re alone in the kitchen having what I thought was an open conversation.
She’s accused me of marrying him for a green card, of trying to rush our marriage to have babies, and trap him.
I have explained countless times my plan and our plan to wait for kids. Yes I’m older than him but we have goals before kids come that we want to achieve. Pair her general comments with her mean remarks whenever we mention future kids, and I just see someone trying to tear me down.
The worst thing she said is that she thinks if I got pregnant and my relationship with him fails, that I’ll “take the baby to Canada”. And that if things don’t work out before kids, I’ll be alone out here. Yeah.
Despite all this, I have always helped her and been nice. Even too nice.
Today was the straw that broke my camels proverbial back. I had helped her while she was really sick with what we found out to be COVID, for 2 weeks while I am visiting my husband before we fly away for our 1 year Anniversary trip. I made her home made soup, I cleaned her house, I checked on her. I made a custom recipe book for my Mother’s Day gift to her. I got her whole family to sign it after.
We haven’t celebrated due to her being sick. We were supposed today. My husband and I came back from a day out and she starts ranting about our sex life to him, and I am overhearing this from his room. She was talking about it in the open dining room randomly.
I had a private talk with her when she was at the end of her sickness, as my husband and I had some tense talks and I wanted to get insight. I had mentioned in passing that my iud strings were cut during a precancer cell removal surgery. That I was being careful but still worry for us sometimes, but that I’m taking precautions.
She didn’t say much besides “ oh that’s good! I’m glad to hear that”. Then she brings it up today, 4 days later. In front of my husband who in already discussed this with. She’s lying and saying I sounded unsure and scared, that we’re being careless and that she’s praying we don’t get pregnant. She tells him he should take mint pills, get a temporary vasectomy, and that I should get checked / scanned. That she doesn’t know if we’re compatible if we have tense talks lately and we may find out after living together FT. She said she wishes she could twist his balls, that she had a nightmare I got pregnant and “someone got hurt” but didn’t elaborate so as not to “call it into existence “ We’re just standing there stunned. She plays it off like she cares, but she’s just being so negative.
I levelled with her, assuring her I would take precautions once again. That her concern is real. Well shortly after we went to his room feeling good about hearing her out while talking. But then I hear his mom gossiping to his older sister. She barely looked at me after when I walked in. She was noticeably cold to me.
His mom was syrupy sweet to me. Saying we (her son and i) should go on a walk to enjoy the sunnny day! I cried the whole time asking him why she’s so mean, why she can’t trust us to be adults.
I cried so hard I skipped lunch and dinner, I had an anxiety attack. I couldn’t breathe, I’m disbelief at what I saw and heard today. It’s like nothing I did in the past 4 years and 1 year of marriage almost, mattered to her or made any impact.
My husband went up and talked to her, for a long time. He came down and spoke on her behalf, detailing how concerned she was for me and my health “stuff” and that it holds heavy on her heart. She doesn’t want us to go through worse (baby is worse?) and wanted to get her point across. That she loves me and accepts me as her own.
Well after I stopped sobbing, I texted her saying I was sorry for today and why stress I caused her with my words.
She texts back giving me shit for not “coming to her directly” as she felt it was important i hear what she said to her son too. That if she didn’t care she wouldn’t bring it up to us. That we will figure it out as we’re adults. Night night with heart emoji.
I texted back a big paragraph (like this post) reminding her that she wasn’t direct with me as she was talking to my husband about making sure I was on birth control, insinuating I’m lying about my IUD being effective. If I didn’t walk in the chat never would have happened. That she can’t expect me to come upstairs and hash it out if I’m so upset I can’t stop crying. That it’s unfair to put that on me after i was the bigger person and apologized to her tonight. She never said sorry to me directly.
My poor husband is in the middle, especially as he’s the youngest (27). I told him it’s time to move out and detach from the emotionally toxic relationship with his mom. He agrees.
He’s tried to leave a few times but she guilts him into staying. Today was the first day he saw her true colours towards me, he hated it!
Any support is appreciated and advice is valued!
TLDR; MIL chastised us about our private issues like sex
submitted by KitchenTasty8929 to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]
My attraction was his voice, his personality and eventually finding out he was very handsome didn’t hurt either. We connected right away and fell in love. A year and a bit of disappointment, the border finally opened and we met in person.
The chemistry has been undeniably strong. He fell hard and so did I. I began to get excited at the idea of marrying him. Starting a life together. The works!
I visited him afterwards and met his family. He lives at home as he’s saving money and helps his mom a lot around the house and overall. She’s older (65+) and needs help a lot. She’s energetic and light hearted but also has a wicked streak.
I never anticipated this. When I met she was super sweet. It was his sister that gave me a hard time at first, which was difficult but I persevered regardless. His mother started as supportive, but as soon as I started discussing future plans, everything began to change.
Suddenly I was rushing things, my husband, life , etc. I was 25 when we dated and he was 23. We were younger but not THAT young. We both eagerly discussed marriage since week 2 of dating. We dated a year and a bit when I first met his family.
Every conversation with his sister or mom during the first year or two of dating revolved around my lack of education. They’re a degree family (teachers at a elementary school and pre-K) and looked down on me because I didn’t have one, so I decided to open up about my trauma and childhood to help them understand why I’m where I’m at in life, and that it’s actually way better than I could ever imagine.
I have my own place. I make good money at a corporate job I’ve been at for several years, and I travel frequently. I have a full life of friends and family of my own. I don’t talk to my mom because she was physically abusive until I was 17 and worse. His mom knows this.
I explained that we need a marriage based visa approval before I can legally move to his country (USA) from mine (Canada). Student visa is pricey and not ideal for future plans. I went through the process and it all over 20 times in length. Trying to get everyone to understand it was the best option to get married. They fought it HARD. I cried so much, so many times.
I had no idea why they were soiling on our goals and on me. My husband was so excited to get married, he knew what we needed to do. They actively tried to convince him not to do it but then helped him plan my engagement decorations and cake. His sister was annoyed by this, since it was hard to watch her younger brother grow up and as her own marriage was rocky at the time.
After we got married his mom started making comments only to me about how we have to “wait and see how it all goes after a year” implying we wouldn’t last that long. She constantly says stuff like this. Especially when we’re alone in the kitchen having what I thought was an open conversation.
She’s accused me of marrying him for a green card, of trying to rush our marriage to have babies, and trap him.
I have explained countless times my plan and our plan to wait for kids. Yes I’m older than him but we have goals before kids come that we want to achieve. Pair her general comments with her mean remarks whenever we mention future kids, and I just see someone trying to tear me down.
The worst thing she said is that she thinks if I got pregnant and my relationship with him fails, that I’ll “take the baby to Canada”. And that if things don’t work out before kids, I’ll be alone out here. Yeah.
Despite all this, I have always helped her and been nice. Even too nice.
Today was the straw that broke my camels proverbial back. I had helped her while she was really sick with what we found out to be COVID, for 2 weeks while I am visiting my husband before we fly away for our 1 year Anniversary trip. I made her home made soup, I cleaned her house, I checked on her. I made a custom recipe book for my Mother’s Day gift to her. I got her whole family to sign it after.
We haven’t celebrated due to her being sick. We were supposed today. My husband and I came back from a day out and she starts ranting about our sex life to him, and I am overhearing this from his room. She was talking about it in the open dining room randomly.
I had a private talk with her when she was at the end of her sickness, as my husband and I had some tense talks and I wanted to get insight. I had mentioned in passing that my iud strings were cut during a precancer cell removal surgery. That I was being careful but still worry for us sometimes, but that I’m taking precautions.
She didn’t say much besides “ oh that’s good! I’m glad to hear that”. Then she brings it up today, 4 days later. In front of my husband who in already discussed this with. She’s lying and saying I sounded unsure and scared, that we’re being careless and that she’s praying we don’t get pregnant. She tells him he should take mint pills, get a temporary vasectomy, and that I should get checked / scanned. That she doesn’t know if we’re compatible if we have tense talks lately and we may find out after living together FT. She said she wishes she could twist his balls, that she had a nightmare I got pregnant and “someone got hurt” but didn’t elaborate so as not to “call it into existence “ We’re just standing there stunned. She plays it off like she cares, but she’s just being so negative.
I levelled with her, assuring her I would take precautions once again. That her concern is real. Well shortly after we went to his room feeling good about hearing her out while talking. But then I hear his mom gossiping to his older sister. She barely looked at me after when I walked in. She was noticeably cold to me.
His mom was syrupy sweet to me. Saying we (her son and i) should go on a walk to enjoy the sunnny day! I cried the whole time asking him why she’s so mean, why she can’t trust us to be adults.
I cried so hard I skipped lunch and dinner, I had an anxiety attack. I couldn’t breathe, I’m disbelief at what I saw and heard today. It’s like nothing I did in the past 4 years and 1 year of marriage almost, mattered to her or made any impact.
My husband went up and talked to her, for a long time. He came down and spoke on her behalf, detailing how concerned she was for me and my health “stuff” and that it holds heavy on her heart. She doesn’t want us to go through worse (baby is worse?) and wanted to get her point across. That she loves me and accepts me as her own.
Well after I stopped sobbing, I texted her saying I was sorry for today and why stress I caused her with my words.
She texts back giving me shit for not “coming to her directly” as she felt it was important i hear what she said to her son too. That if she didn’t care she wouldn’t bring it up to us. That we will figure it out as we’re adults. Night night with heart emoji.
I texted back a big paragraph (like this post) reminding her that she wasn’t direct with me as she was talking to my husband about making sure I was on birth control, insinuating I’m lying about my IUD being effective. If I didn’t walk in the chat never would have happened. That she can’t expect me to come upstairs and hash it out if I’m so upset I can’t stop crying. That it’s unfair to put that on me after i was the bigger person and apologized to her tonight. She never said sorry to me directly.
My poor husband is in the middle, especially as he’s the youngest (27). I told him it’s time to move out and detach from the emotionally toxic relationship with his mom. He agrees.
He’s tried to leave a few times but she guilts him into staying. Today was the first day he saw her true colours towards me, he hated it!
Any support is appreciated and advice is valued!
TLDR; MIL chastised us about our private issues like sex
2024.05.19 11:10 Legitimate-Donkey-56 Is there anyone else out there with one lesion… (progressive solitary sclerosis)
This has taken me so long to write in this group because I don’t know where I belong
I have been given a temporary diagnosis of progressive solitary sclerosis, I have one lesion on my brain stem, but the location is so rare and so devastatingly positioned, it is progressively deteriorating my left side of my body, my memory the right side of my face. My left arm curls up like a claw and feels most comfortable when it’s curled into my armpit which looks so unnatural. It’s painful when i use it for periods of time, my left leg… I don’t even know how to explain it feels absent. There is some feedback missing. I walk with like a limp I can’t explain, it just doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do??? and my back, hip and leg hurts so much because of how I walk. Over a year since my first batch of optic neuritis, it has gotton so much worse over the last year, I’m scared to think what I’ll be like in another years time. They said my case is very rare, I have tried baclofen and paxam and neither work. I have had a one treatment of rituximab which stopped my constant flare of symptoms but they won’t give me anymore until another lesion occurs. I’m constantly being put in the too hard basket from fleets of neurologists I don’t know what I am or where I belong, all I know is that I’m deteriorating and my neurolgy team don’t care because they don’t know what to do. It’s hard to get support because I don’t have a formal diagnosis. I’m a mother, a wife and a 2nd year teaching degree student. I’m not willing to give up everything I worked so hard for but I’m so depressed lately I feel like my memory and my body is worsening slowly everyday and nobody cares. I’m sick of crying in front of my kids, I’m sick of taking 10 minutes just to urinate, I’m sick of not being heard, I’m just sick of everything. Is there anyone else like me out there?
submitted by Legitimate-Donkey-56 to MultipleSclerosisWins [link] [comments]
I have been given a temporary diagnosis of progressive solitary sclerosis, I have one lesion on my brain stem, but the location is so rare and so devastatingly positioned, it is progressively deteriorating my left side of my body, my memory the right side of my face. My left arm curls up like a claw and feels most comfortable when it’s curled into my armpit which looks so unnatural. It’s painful when i use it for periods of time, my left leg… I don’t even know how to explain it feels absent. There is some feedback missing. I walk with like a limp I can’t explain, it just doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do??? and my back, hip and leg hurts so much because of how I walk. Over a year since my first batch of optic neuritis, it has gotton so much worse over the last year, I’m scared to think what I’ll be like in another years time. They said my case is very rare, I have tried baclofen and paxam and neither work. I have had a one treatment of rituximab which stopped my constant flare of symptoms but they won’t give me anymore until another lesion occurs. I’m constantly being put in the too hard basket from fleets of neurologists I don’t know what I am or where I belong, all I know is that I’m deteriorating and my neurolgy team don’t care because they don’t know what to do. It’s hard to get support because I don’t have a formal diagnosis. I’m a mother, a wife and a 2nd year teaching degree student. I’m not willing to give up everything I worked so hard for but I’m so depressed lately I feel like my memory and my body is worsening slowly everyday and nobody cares. I’m sick of crying in front of my kids, I’m sick of taking 10 minutes just to urinate, I’m sick of not being heard, I’m just sick of everything. Is there anyone else like me out there?
2024.05.19 10:58 ZealousidealLog6714 I need some advice
Hey, I 21F have been dating this guy will call him Dan 22M for about two months now. We first met on a dating app and originally only got together for one night stands but eventually fell in love with each other.
He is such a sweet person, he is so attractive, plays soccer so he is very fit, gorgeous blonde curly hair with blue eyes and he is super smart. He is the definition of Ken from barbie. I have met his family and they are caring and sweet. They are filthy rich as both of his parents have really great jobs. He is an only child, has two caring parents who are so in love with each other and who are happily married together.
One night after a sweet date, I got curious and asked Dan about his past intimate relationships and was horrified by his answer.
It took awhile to get him to tell me what he had done in the past but I eventually got it out of him.
I am being 100% serious and am not sugar coating or cutting any information out, I am cutting straight to the point.
Basically, Dan told me that him and his father would not only have intimate relationships with women at the same time, but they would also casually be intimate with each other. I am not talking about sweet kissing or hugging, I am talking about them being inside of each other type intimacy.
This came as a horrific shock to me but I continued to act like it wasn’t a big deal just so he could continue telling me more about his past relationships with people.
He would tell me that his dad would constantly cheat on his mother with Dan and other women. His mother was completely unaware of this as she is a specialised doctor and often travels the country to work, so he told me that they would usually bring women around to their house while she was gone and both Dan and his father and the long list of different women, would sleep together in Dan’s mothers bed while she was away.
He also mentioned that Dan and his father would casually sleep together with an average of 3-4 women a month for a year straight, all while going unnoticed by his mother.
I continued to act interested and pretended like it turned me on just so he would continue. One thing that made me SICK was when he told me that him, his father and a 57 year old woman hooked up in Dan’s mother’s room while his mother was in hospital.
He also told me that when he first introduced me to his family, his dad pulled him aside and asked if i would be keen to sleep with Dan and his father or if i would consider opening the relationship so that Dan and his father could continue their intimate relationships with other women. However, Dan quickly shut that idea down and told his father that he wouldn’t be continuing the intimate relationships with his father and women as long as me and him were together.
I feel extremely bad for his mother and am unsure of what to do. I am afraid that if i tell his mother she won’t believe me as it is a very serious and unbelievable situation. She is such a kind and sweet woman, she is all about her family and works to keep them safe, stable and up to date with the newest things.
Part of me believes that Dan’s father has groomed him and that this behaviour is extremely rare, disturbing and completely unacceptable. However, Dan swore that him and his father had never been intimate with each other until he reached the age of 20.
I am currently writing this while Dan sleeps peacefully next to me, I am unsure what to do and am asking for your guys advice. I do love Dan, he treats me like a princess and am dead set on this man. He is so kind and caring to me and has reassured me that this behaviour between him and his father has stopped the moment me and him started talking to each other. I honestly pictured us getting married but this is just something that I cannot get past.
submitted by ZealousidealLog6714 to stories [link] [comments]
He is such a sweet person, he is so attractive, plays soccer so he is very fit, gorgeous blonde curly hair with blue eyes and he is super smart. He is the definition of Ken from barbie. I have met his family and they are caring and sweet. They are filthy rich as both of his parents have really great jobs. He is an only child, has two caring parents who are so in love with each other and who are happily married together.
One night after a sweet date, I got curious and asked Dan about his past intimate relationships and was horrified by his answer.
It took awhile to get him to tell me what he had done in the past but I eventually got it out of him.
I am being 100% serious and am not sugar coating or cutting any information out, I am cutting straight to the point.
Basically, Dan told me that him and his father would not only have intimate relationships with women at the same time, but they would also casually be intimate with each other. I am not talking about sweet kissing or hugging, I am talking about them being inside of each other type intimacy.
This came as a horrific shock to me but I continued to act like it wasn’t a big deal just so he could continue telling me more about his past relationships with people.
He would tell me that his dad would constantly cheat on his mother with Dan and other women. His mother was completely unaware of this as she is a specialised doctor and often travels the country to work, so he told me that they would usually bring women around to their house while she was gone and both Dan and his father and the long list of different women, would sleep together in Dan’s mothers bed while she was away.
He also mentioned that Dan and his father would casually sleep together with an average of 3-4 women a month for a year straight, all while going unnoticed by his mother.
I continued to act interested and pretended like it turned me on just so he would continue. One thing that made me SICK was when he told me that him, his father and a 57 year old woman hooked up in Dan’s mother’s room while his mother was in hospital.
He also told me that when he first introduced me to his family, his dad pulled him aside and asked if i would be keen to sleep with Dan and his father or if i would consider opening the relationship so that Dan and his father could continue their intimate relationships with other women. However, Dan quickly shut that idea down and told his father that he wouldn’t be continuing the intimate relationships with his father and women as long as me and him were together.
I feel extremely bad for his mother and am unsure of what to do. I am afraid that if i tell his mother she won’t believe me as it is a very serious and unbelievable situation. She is such a kind and sweet woman, she is all about her family and works to keep them safe, stable and up to date with the newest things.
Part of me believes that Dan’s father has groomed him and that this behaviour is extremely rare, disturbing and completely unacceptable. However, Dan swore that him and his father had never been intimate with each other until he reached the age of 20.
I am currently writing this while Dan sleeps peacefully next to me, I am unsure what to do and am asking for your guys advice. I do love Dan, he treats me like a princess and am dead set on this man. He is so kind and caring to me and has reassured me that this behaviour between him and his father has stopped the moment me and him started talking to each other. I honestly pictured us getting married but this is just something that I cannot get past.
2024.05.19 10:52 jennithomas321 On-Page vs. Off-Page SEO: Different but Equally Important
What’s the Difference Between On-Page SEO and Off-Page SEO?
On-page SEO focuses on optimizing parts of your website that are within your control, while off-page SEO focuses on increasing the authority of your domain through content creation and earning backlinks from other websites. To further understand the difference between the two, you have to understand, at a basic level, how search engine algorithms work. Let’s break it down.There are two main buckets that search engines (SEO) look at when evaluating your site compared to other sites on the web.
- On-page SEO looks at what your site (or your page) is about
- Off-page SEO looks at how authoritative and popular your site is
On-Page vs. Off-Page SEO: What’s the Difference?
Put simply, what you rank for is largely determined by on-page factors, while how high you rank in the search results is largely determined by off-page factors.How Does Each Type of SEO Affect Your Rankings?
What is On-Page SEO?
On-page SEO (also known as “on-site” SEO) is the act of optimizing different parts of your website that affect your search engine rankings. Where your website appears in search engine results pages is determined by a number of ranking factors including site accessibility, page speed, optimized content, keywords, title tags, etc. On-page SEO is about optimizing the stuff that you have control over and can change on your own website.On-page SEO checklist:
How do you make sure your on-page SEO tactics are up to snuff? Here is a helpful checklist for on-site optimizations that can help curate your strategy.Title Tags
Put your targeted keywords in the title tag of each page on your site. There are many best practices that go into writing an effective title tag.- Limit your title tags to 55-60 characters (including spaces)
- Push the keyword closer to the beginning of the title (ONLY if it sounds natural)
- Don’t stuff your keywords
- Include brand at the end of the title tag, separated by a pipe bar () Example: “Chicago SEO Digital Third Coast”
Headings (H1)
Headings are usually the largest words on the page, and for that reason, search engines give them a little more weight than your other page copy. It is a good idea to work your target keywords into the headings of each web page but make sure you accurately reflect your page’s great content.Make sure your H1s limited to one per page, all other headers are H2 or H3
URL structure
Put keywords into your URLs if possible. However, do not go changing all of your current URLs just so they have keywords in them. You shouldn’t change old URLs unless you plan on redirecting your old ones to your new ones. Consult a professional before doing this.- Label your directories and folders in a way that makes sense for users
- Don’t repeat keywords in your URL more than once. Keywords are helpful, but overdoing it effects user experience. Example: /best-socks-comparison-best-socks-best-socks?
- Keep URLs as short as possible
Alt text for images
Any content management system should allow you to add something called “alt text” to all images on your website. This text isn’t visible to the average visitor – alt text is in fact used by screen reader software to help blind internet users understand the content of your images. Search engines crawl images in a similar way, so inserting some relevant keywords while accurately describing the image will help search engines understand your page’s content.Writing an alt attribute for each image keeps your website in compliance with WCAG (Web Content Accessibility Guidelines). Keep the following things in mind when writing alt text:
- Thoroughly describe the image in 8-10 words
- Include your targeted keyword where it sounds most natural
- Include, if relevant, a geo-locator (e.g., Chicago)
Fast-loading pages, or page load speed
Google wants to help its users find what they’re looking for as quickly as possible to provide the best user experience. Therefore, optimizing your pages to load faster helps your site rank higher in the search results.Google has a tool called PageSpeed Insights that will analyze your site on both mobile and desktop. and then suggest tips to optimize page speed. There are also several quick fixes to eliminate whatever is bogging your site down and slowing your page load time. Key site speed factors to consider:
- Minimizing HTTP requests
- Making sure server response time is <200ms
- Setting browser caching to at least a week or longer
- Enabling Gzip compression
- Having image sizes under 100kb (.jpg, .png, .gif)
- Placing all CSS in an external style sheet
- Minifying all JS, CSS and HTML
- Prioritizing above the fold content loading
Mobile Friendliness
In recent years, Google has prioritized mobile page loading speed as a key ranking metric.How do you know if your website is mobile-friendly? Unfortunately, Google recently dropped support for some free public tools that helped. However, you can now use Google Search Console to analyze this type of information. Specifically, the Core Web Vitals report can help you identify if your mobile pages are loading slower than they should be.
Page Content
The content on your pages needs to be useful to people. If they search for something too specific to find your page, they need to be able to find what they’re looking for. It needs to be easy to read and provide value to the end user. Google has various ways to measure if your content is useful.- Aim for at least 500 words of copy. Although there is no exact formula for how many words a page should have, Google seems to prefer when a page has a lot of relevant and helpful content surrounding your topic.
- Copy must be unique to each page, not duplicated from other pages on your site, and should directly address your visitors’ search queries
- Push the keyword closer to the beginning of the title, but ONLY if it sounds natural
Internal Linking
Linking internally to other pages on your website is useful to visitors and it is also useful to search engines. Here’s an internal link to another blog post on our site that talks more about internal linking. Very meta.When adding internal links, make sure to have relevant anchor text. Anchor text is the clickable text in a hyperlink (usually indicated by blue font color and underline). To optimize your anchor text, make sure the selected word or phrase is relevant to the page you’re linking to.
On-page SEO ensures that your site can be read by both potential customers and search engine robots. With good on-page SEO, search engines can easily index your web pages, understand what your site is about, and easily navigate the structure and content of your website, thus ranking your site accordingly. As a best practice, make sure your page content includes 1-3 relevant internal links.
Schema Markup
Adding structured data helps Google better understand the content of a page. Google also uses certain types of structured data to display “rich results” in SERPs such as a recipe with start ratings or step-by-step instructions with an image carousel. These rich results often appear at or near the top of SERPs and generally have higher click-through-rates than normal organic listings.Google prefers structured data to use schema.org vocabulary, and recommends using JSON-LD format. They also provide a handy Rich Results Test tool to check your code. While there are a variety of ways to add structured data to your website (plugins, Google Tag Manager, etc.), it’s always best to get a professional involved if you’re not comfortable writing code.
Check out Google’s guide to structured data and rich results here.
Social Tags
Having your content shared on social tells Google that people find your content relevant, helpful and reputable. Not every page on your site is share-worthy, but you can optimize the pages that are with these tips:- Make sure you have Open Graph tags and Twitter Cards installed
- Make it easy with “tweet this quote” links, or social share buttons for each post
Core Web Vitals
User experience is key to a website’s long-term success. In spring 2020, Google unveiled Core Web Vitals, a common set of signals that they deem “critical” to all users’ web experiences.The purpose of these signals is to quantify the user experience with a website, from page visual stability and load time, to interactive experiences.
- Largest Contentful Paint (LCP) – measures perceived page loading speed and marks the point at which the majority of the page content has downloaded.
- First Input Delay – quantifies user experience of a user’s initial engagement with a page.
- Cumulative Layout Shift – quantifies the amount of layout shift on visible page content and measures visual stability of a page. It’s usually causes by images without dimensions, dynamically injected content, web fonts causing FOIT/FOUT, and other embeds added without dimensions.
One of the simplest ways to optimize cumulative layout shift is to add height and width dimensions to each new site element. Also, avoid adding new content above existing content on a page (unless responding to user interaction).
Page Experience
Google is working on a new ranking signal (likely to come out in 2024) that prioritizes websites with positive user experiences.The ‘page experience signal’ will consist of Core Web Vitals, plus mobile-friendliness, safe-browsing, HTTPS security, and intrusive interstitial guidelines.
According to Google, “optimizing for these factors makes the web more delightful for users across all web browsers and surfaces, and helps sites evolve towards user expectations on mobile. We believe this will contribute to business success on the web as users grow more engaged and can transact with less friction.”
What is Off-Page SEO?
Off-page SEO focuses on increasing the authority of your domain through the act of getting links from other websites.A good analogy for how authority works is this. If you have a bathtub with rubber duckies in it (the ducks are your pages), and you start filling the tub with water (links), your duckies are all going to rise to the top.
This is how a site like Wikipedia ranks for pretty much everything under the sun. It has so much water in its bathtub that if you throw another rubber duck in it, it’s going to float to the top without any other effort.
There’s a score called “Domain Authority” that calculates how authoritative your website is compared to other sites. You can type your domain name into here to see your score.
How to optimize for off-page SEO
There are several factors that influence your off-page SEO rankings. While each one is tackled with different strategies, they share an overarching goal of building the trust and reputation of your website from the outside.- Inbound links
- Social media marketing
- Guest blogging and guest posting
- Unlinked brand mentions
- Influencer marketing
- Creating awesome content that people want to link to because it is valuable. For example, this super helpful blog post about how to improve about us pages. The post provides a ton of actionable recommendations. People tend to link to content that is useful. Creating an online tool for your industry is another powerful content type. Things like online calculators tend to get the most backlinks out of all content types because they help people accomplish a goal.
- Social media shares of your content that ultimately generate links.
- Outreach e-mails to influencers in your industry that ultimately link to you.
- Guest blogging on sites related to yours. These guest posts will have links back to your site.
How many links do you need for good off-page SEO? That is a tough question and it’s going to be based on the domain authority of your competitors, as you want to make sure you’re playing in the same sandbox.
SEOs also used to believe that buying links was a valid way of link building; however, Google will now penalize you for buying links in an attempt to manipulate page rank. You can also be penalized for submitting your links to link directories whose sole purpose is to increase your domain authority. Again, quality wins out over quantity when it comes to link building.
Is On-Page or Off-Page SEO More Important?
It’s not about choosing between on and off-page SEO, that would be like having to choose between a foundation or a roof for your house. On-page and off-page SEO work together to improve your search engine rankings in a complementary fashion.However, SEOs generally advise getting your on-page SEO ducks in a row before focusing too much on off-page SEO.
Just like building a house, you want to set the foundation first before building the rest of the house. Like a foundation, you may need to come back and do some maintenance to your on-page SEO from time to time. Balancing the two will help make your website “bilingual” so that your users can understand it as well as the search engine robots- and that’s how your rankings start to improve.
SEO #onpageseo #Offpageseo #Corewebvitals
2024.05.19 10:48 Individual_Cook5855 AITA for telling my estranged parents to never contact me again after they reached out to apologize?
Throwaway,
I (29m), my parents divorced when I was 7. After the divorce, I initially lived with my mom and spent weekends with my dad. When I was 9, my mom moved in with her boyfriend, and I was sent to live with my dad. At first, it was fine because my mom would regularly meet with me, but over time, those visits became less.
When I was 12, my dad introduced me to his girlfriend, who I could tell didn't like me. I didn't understand why. By then, I was only seeing my mom once every three months or so. My dad told me to get used to his girlfriend, but we never really got along. A year later, my dad told me I would be living with my grandmother (his mom) from now on because his girlfriend was pregnant and wanted a calm house. I was angry and caused a scene. His girlfriend told my dad that I was always like this around her, which was a lie, but my dad believed her and shipped me off to my grandmother.
I told my mom I wanted to live with her, but she said she and her partner traveled the world all the time and that I needed to stay put for school. So, I lived with my grandmother. My parents occasionally checked in on me, meeting me on my birthday or sending essentials until I was 16. After that, the contact became even less frequent—no birthday calls or money for essentials. My grandmother had to go back to work to support me.
I had no idea that my dad had married his girlfriend and had two other kids or that my mom had gotten married and had twins until my grandmother told me. I started to resent both of them, but my sweet grandmother kept me grounded. She provided for me, ensured I graduated, and helped me get into a good college.
When I turned 18, as a gift to her, I changed my last name to her maiden name. She wasn't happy initially but accepted it later. My parents hadn't contacted me or grandmother for over a year and a half at that point. I went to college, graduated, got a good job, got engaged, and have generally had a good life. I haven't spoken to my parents in all this time. My grandmother passed away four years ago, I tried to text and call the only phone number I had of dad but it didn't go through and I was the only family member at her funeral.
Recently, I got an email from my dad and mom asking to meet and reconnect. I don't know how they got my personal email. My dad says he wants to apologize and attend my wedding, and his kids want to meet their big brother. He also mentioned that my mom wants to meet me and apologize as well. He even had the audacity to write that he was disappointed in me changing my last name but "understood it." He didn't even ask about his own mother. I've already moved on without them, hit multiple milestones in my life and career without their support, so I sent a reply stating I don't know him or my mom, added a few other harsh words, and told them never to contact me again.
I told my fiancée, who comes from a big family and is very family-oriented, and she was upset, saying I was too harsh. She believes I should give them a chance since it's been so long. We had huge argument about this. She kept saying how family is important and I should forgive and forget. Now, I have a feeling she might be involved with them and she might be the one who gave them my email. I talked to my close friends and all of them say I am justified on my stance but my fiancée's outburst is making me think about it.
submitted by Individual_Cook5855 to AITAH [link] [comments]
I (29m), my parents divorced when I was 7. After the divorce, I initially lived with my mom and spent weekends with my dad. When I was 9, my mom moved in with her boyfriend, and I was sent to live with my dad. At first, it was fine because my mom would regularly meet with me, but over time, those visits became less.
When I was 12, my dad introduced me to his girlfriend, who I could tell didn't like me. I didn't understand why. By then, I was only seeing my mom once every three months or so. My dad told me to get used to his girlfriend, but we never really got along. A year later, my dad told me I would be living with my grandmother (his mom) from now on because his girlfriend was pregnant and wanted a calm house. I was angry and caused a scene. His girlfriend told my dad that I was always like this around her, which was a lie, but my dad believed her and shipped me off to my grandmother.
I told my mom I wanted to live with her, but she said she and her partner traveled the world all the time and that I needed to stay put for school. So, I lived with my grandmother. My parents occasionally checked in on me, meeting me on my birthday or sending essentials until I was 16. After that, the contact became even less frequent—no birthday calls or money for essentials. My grandmother had to go back to work to support me.
I had no idea that my dad had married his girlfriend and had two other kids or that my mom had gotten married and had twins until my grandmother told me. I started to resent both of them, but my sweet grandmother kept me grounded. She provided for me, ensured I graduated, and helped me get into a good college.
When I turned 18, as a gift to her, I changed my last name to her maiden name. She wasn't happy initially but accepted it later. My parents hadn't contacted me or grandmother for over a year and a half at that point. I went to college, graduated, got a good job, got engaged, and have generally had a good life. I haven't spoken to my parents in all this time. My grandmother passed away four years ago, I tried to text and call the only phone number I had of dad but it didn't go through and I was the only family member at her funeral.
Recently, I got an email from my dad and mom asking to meet and reconnect. I don't know how they got my personal email. My dad says he wants to apologize and attend my wedding, and his kids want to meet their big brother. He also mentioned that my mom wants to meet me and apologize as well. He even had the audacity to write that he was disappointed in me changing my last name but "understood it." He didn't even ask about his own mother. I've already moved on without them, hit multiple milestones in my life and career without their support, so I sent a reply stating I don't know him or my mom, added a few other harsh words, and told them never to contact me again.
I told my fiancée, who comes from a big family and is very family-oriented, and she was upset, saying I was too harsh. She believes I should give them a chance since it's been so long. We had huge argument about this. She kept saying how family is important and I should forgive and forget. Now, I have a feeling she might be involved with them and she might be the one who gave them my email. I talked to my close friends and all of them say I am justified on my stance but my fiancée's outburst is making me think about it.
2024.05.19 10:40 Spiritual-Tree-77 31 [M4F] South Wales/UK (or online) - Making the most of summer, and beyond!
Hello and bore da (Welsh for good morning)! After a long grey winter and spring, summer seems to have found my corner of the world and it’s got me in a great mood. I’ve been enjoying a long weekend this weekend with a mix of spending some in the local countryside and heading into Cardiff to go to the theatre last night. I hope you’re having a fun weekend too!
And while the alone time is fantastic and I’m more than happy in my own company, it would also be nice to have someone with whom I can share those sorts of experiences. Getting out and into the world and making memories that can be talked about and enjoyed together. If that sounds good then there’s more about me below.
I’m an open-minded guy willing to try new things and love exploring new places. I’m excited to travel to South America later in the year and am aiming to go to every continent at least one, I’ve covered the Northern hemisphere but this is my first time going below the equator! At home, I like all the usual things, films, reading, tv and music, have eclectic tastes in all of them and I’m up for giving recommendations and excited to hear your favourites too. I’m also learning Welsh, doing a bit of writing from time to time (should do more), enjoy cooking and getting out in the countryside for some casual photography.
Personality wise, I’m non-judgemental, passionate, with a dry sense of humour and enough of an ego to hopefully be endearing. I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve and am open about how I feel. While there’s not much I expect in a partner, openness definitely is, so if you’re one to play your card close to your chest or keep people at arm’s length, we’re probably not compatible.
On the subject of being open, I’m more than happy to see where things take us. I don’t have any specific relationship goals in mind, so up for discussing and figuring out what works.
Diolch for reading and I look forward to hearing from you.
submitted by Spiritual-Tree-77 to r4r [link] [comments]
And while the alone time is fantastic and I’m more than happy in my own company, it would also be nice to have someone with whom I can share those sorts of experiences. Getting out and into the world and making memories that can be talked about and enjoyed together. If that sounds good then there’s more about me below.
I’m an open-minded guy willing to try new things and love exploring new places. I’m excited to travel to South America later in the year and am aiming to go to every continent at least one, I’ve covered the Northern hemisphere but this is my first time going below the equator! At home, I like all the usual things, films, reading, tv and music, have eclectic tastes in all of them and I’m up for giving recommendations and excited to hear your favourites too. I’m also learning Welsh, doing a bit of writing from time to time (should do more), enjoy cooking and getting out in the countryside for some casual photography.
Personality wise, I’m non-judgemental, passionate, with a dry sense of humour and enough of an ego to hopefully be endearing. I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve and am open about how I feel. While there’s not much I expect in a partner, openness definitely is, so if you’re one to play your card close to your chest or keep people at arm’s length, we’re probably not compatible.
On the subject of being open, I’m more than happy to see where things take us. I don’t have any specific relationship goals in mind, so up for discussing and figuring out what works.
Diolch for reading and I look forward to hearing from you.
2024.05.19 10:34 mikosgf I dont know how much longer i can take my mom’s abuse
Im not sure how much longer of this i can take.
I dont know what if im looking for.. maybe jus a place to vent but just about anyone reading this and giving me their thoughts i would much appreciate.
TW/ abuse, nudity, kind of gross stuff or weird situations (?) idk how to call it, not eating
I need to get it all out there so here’s whatever
I (17f) am from a high-middle class family. I’m not rich, but I’m well off and comfortable.
The system in my house is gonna be complicated to understand so please bear with me. I’ll maybe edit this again to add or clarify more idk
My mom is abusive. Despite us being well off she insists with us (me and my brothers 11yr old and 4yr old) peeing in tupperwears at certain times of the day because the bathroom has already been cleaned. You must be thinking, what about the other bathrooms? We have about 6 in the house and not a single one can we use except for the one my mom says we can. That is whenever we’re upstairs at least.. i’ll explain more later. Its humiliating. I turn 18 in a few weeks and she makes me, despite being on my period, pee in the tupperwear.
She monitors what we do in the bathroom too in the morning, and rarely are we allowed to poop. If we do she gets really angry and makes us clean a whole lot of the bathroom in parts we didnt even touch. She bathes my two brothers, but since we are only allowed to use one bathroom, she usually watches me take a bath as well. Even insulting me as I shower, if I “miss a spot” or if there’s too much hair on my legs now, etc. If we just came from outside the house, we’d have to shower twice. First downstairs (more explained later) then go up naked. Yes we go up naked, stark fucking naked, just dried from the towel, we’re not allowed to wear anything, then we wait until our mother allows us into the bathroom upstairs to take a bath again. You can already imagine how humiliating it feels as a girl, who at certain times as their period and has to do this nonetheless.
Another is we cant eat until she says so. Fuck im not even allowed to enter the kitchen at all. We (including my little brothers) only are allowed to eat when she’s not “tired” anymore. So we mostly dont eat until 3pm in the afternoon. But there are a good lot of times where it was until 7pm. Yes. 7pm. If we complained about being hungry we would be told to shut up andjust sleep or drink our waters which we have. As I write this, it’s 4pm and still no food. It’s not even that we dont have any food. We absolutely do. The pantry is packed enough to feed families. My mom doesnt care. We only eat when we’re allowed to. And yes we have maids. Why she doesnt make use of them as much.. I dont know.
I said upstairs because like i said theres a weird sort of system in my house. Upstairs is clean. Upstairs is where my mom sleeps and my youngest brother usually. But sometimes me and my brother sleep downstairs with my dad, whos our main provider while my mom jjst stays at home. The downstairs isnt horrible. Its cleaned regularly by our maids. Its essentially my dad’s room/study and theres a bed he sleeps in there etc. Whenever i sleep there i get a mattress and just sleep on the ground. Its good enough for me. Since my mom doesnt care about downstairs, we usually get to do anything. Pee whenever, take baths without it being weird, eat in the mornings or whenever we’re hungry, do whatever we want.. maybe not whatever but just the freedom allowed that isnt with my mother. Sometimes we’re allowed to sleep downstairs for weeks, but just two days ago my mom made me and my brother go back up. It’s much harder for all of us when we’re up so i never understand why we even go up still. But yeah.
Sorry this all must be so messy but thats the gist of the system in my house. And yes i know any of those things we are made to do has NOTHING to do with a financial struggle. We go to europe yearly, and my mom has rows of designer bags lined up. Again i dontmean to say this with any boastful intents, i just wanna explain. My mom and dad have had numerous fights too about why she does this to us when we have a big house and maids. I guess my mom just likes the control of it. Idk. English isnt my first language too so sorry if its kinda confusing.
My mom also regularly beats me up. I’m a good student and a good sister. I got into one of the most prestigous universities in our country, straight-As student, and even make my own money sometimes. She just hates me. She had me when she was 19 so i get it i guess. I ruined her life. She once beat me so badly i couldnt go to school for two days.
Anyway i made this post so i could for once tell someone or something or whatever. No one, not even my girlfriend or my best friends totally know of my situation at home besides the regular physical abuse.
My dad promised me he’ll get me an apartment to move out to for college which is in 2-3 months. But i dont know how much longer i can take. Im so tired.
If you read all this, thank you so much. It means a lot. Really.
submitted by mikosgf to Vent [link] [comments]
I dont know what if im looking for.. maybe jus a place to vent but just about anyone reading this and giving me their thoughts i would much appreciate.
TW/ abuse, nudity, kind of gross stuff or weird situations (?) idk how to call it, not eating
I need to get it all out there so here’s whatever
I (17f) am from a high-middle class family. I’m not rich, but I’m well off and comfortable.
The system in my house is gonna be complicated to understand so please bear with me. I’ll maybe edit this again to add or clarify more idk
My mom is abusive. Despite us being well off she insists with us (me and my brothers 11yr old and 4yr old) peeing in tupperwears at certain times of the day because the bathroom has already been cleaned. You must be thinking, what about the other bathrooms? We have about 6 in the house and not a single one can we use except for the one my mom says we can. That is whenever we’re upstairs at least.. i’ll explain more later. Its humiliating. I turn 18 in a few weeks and she makes me, despite being on my period, pee in the tupperwear.
She monitors what we do in the bathroom too in the morning, and rarely are we allowed to poop. If we do she gets really angry and makes us clean a whole lot of the bathroom in parts we didnt even touch. She bathes my two brothers, but since we are only allowed to use one bathroom, she usually watches me take a bath as well. Even insulting me as I shower, if I “miss a spot” or if there’s too much hair on my legs now, etc. If we just came from outside the house, we’d have to shower twice. First downstairs (more explained later) then go up naked. Yes we go up naked, stark fucking naked, just dried from the towel, we’re not allowed to wear anything, then we wait until our mother allows us into the bathroom upstairs to take a bath again. You can already imagine how humiliating it feels as a girl, who at certain times as their period and has to do this nonetheless.
Another is we cant eat until she says so. Fuck im not even allowed to enter the kitchen at all. We (including my little brothers) only are allowed to eat when she’s not “tired” anymore. So we mostly dont eat until 3pm in the afternoon. But there are a good lot of times where it was until 7pm. Yes. 7pm. If we complained about being hungry we would be told to shut up andjust sleep or drink our waters which we have. As I write this, it’s 4pm and still no food. It’s not even that we dont have any food. We absolutely do. The pantry is packed enough to feed families. My mom doesnt care. We only eat when we’re allowed to. And yes we have maids. Why she doesnt make use of them as much.. I dont know.
I said upstairs because like i said theres a weird sort of system in my house. Upstairs is clean. Upstairs is where my mom sleeps and my youngest brother usually. But sometimes me and my brother sleep downstairs with my dad, whos our main provider while my mom jjst stays at home. The downstairs isnt horrible. Its cleaned regularly by our maids. Its essentially my dad’s room/study and theres a bed he sleeps in there etc. Whenever i sleep there i get a mattress and just sleep on the ground. Its good enough for me. Since my mom doesnt care about downstairs, we usually get to do anything. Pee whenever, take baths without it being weird, eat in the mornings or whenever we’re hungry, do whatever we want.. maybe not whatever but just the freedom allowed that isnt with my mother. Sometimes we’re allowed to sleep downstairs for weeks, but just two days ago my mom made me and my brother go back up. It’s much harder for all of us when we’re up so i never understand why we even go up still. But yeah.
Sorry this all must be so messy but thats the gist of the system in my house. And yes i know any of those things we are made to do has NOTHING to do with a financial struggle. We go to europe yearly, and my mom has rows of designer bags lined up. Again i dontmean to say this with any boastful intents, i just wanna explain. My mom and dad have had numerous fights too about why she does this to us when we have a big house and maids. I guess my mom just likes the control of it. Idk. English isnt my first language too so sorry if its kinda confusing.
My mom also regularly beats me up. I’m a good student and a good sister. I got into one of the most prestigous universities in our country, straight-As student, and even make my own money sometimes. She just hates me. She had me when she was 19 so i get it i guess. I ruined her life. She once beat me so badly i couldnt go to school for two days.
Anyway i made this post so i could for once tell someone or something or whatever. No one, not even my girlfriend or my best friends totally know of my situation at home besides the regular physical abuse.
My dad promised me he’ll get me an apartment to move out to for college which is in 2-3 months. But i dont know how much longer i can take. Im so tired.
If you read all this, thank you so much. It means a lot. Really.
2024.05.19 10:21 Coffee_stained_poems AITA for telling my parents I need my own privacy and independence?
My mom (51F) has recently been snooping around in my stuff and I told her that she needs to respect my privacy. I (18F) live with her alongside my brother (20M). We both have been living with our parents up till now, aside from our father (64M) who has been absent for the most of it. The reason I’m writing out this rant is due to the fact that my mom and dad have been preaching about how me and my brother have to be more responsible of our actions around the house (such as cleaning, taking out the trash, etc.) but they literally stop us from cleaning our own mess. To give a clear example of this, my brother had once accidentally lost his grip on a glass of water and it flew onto the floor and shattered; as my brother was trying to pick up the shards and clean his mess, my mom immediately stopped him from doing so and told him that he won’t be able to do it properly, lo and behold my brother brought up that our mother can’t keep preaching responsibility if she doesn’t let us do even the simplest task around the house. This angered my mother and led to her victimizing herself, ranting about how much she has done for us and this is how we repay her kindness.
On the other hand, I have recently turned 18 and have been searching for part time jobs to fill up my summer schedule and start learning how to control and spend my money, with this being said, I have asked my dad to ask his friends to let me into the job market because where I live it’s not easy finding a job as a teen, and if it was easy I would’ve been hired and working right now. My dad has been doing everything in his power to make sure that I DON’T find a job instead. He is not asking his friends about it and keeps covering it with the excuse of “oh my friends wouldn’t know” when I know that’s a lie because he has so many connections that it’s quite impossible for one of his friends to not know about the job market in where I live.
These are just 2 examples but to give even further context, after I finished my exams a few days ago I was welcomed to a surprise in my room; my mother had went through all my stuff and had emptied it out onto my desk. I felt as if my privacy had been completely invaded and later on she kept on asking me about the stuff that she had found in my bag and why they were there. Side note: I had nothing to hide because I don’t vape, smoke, or engage with any of those activities for her to act like she’s caught me red handed. This made me even more mad but I couldn’t communicate my feelings with her, she always finds a way to make herself the victim and manipulate me into feeling bad for her.
With this being said, I haven’t really held a conversation with her in these past two days and today when I went to make myself lunch because I was hungry, she told me that she won’t tell me where she’s storing the ingredients I needed because she doesn’t want me to have lunch at that time. I genuinely feel so pressured and restricted in this household and don’t know what to do next. I have considered talking to a counselor, but to do that it would mean that I need to ask my parents for the money (which they likely wouldn’t give to me for counseling). I really don’t know who else to tell this to so I’m putting my perspective on here in order to see if I’m being right at least.
EDIT: just to clarify, in order to find a job where I live (I don’t live in a western country), you really do need to get into the job marketplace through the connection of someone else
EDIT 2: to give more perspective into how controlling my dad is, he’s also been trying to convince me to not go to university (this isn’t related to anything else, he just has a very sexist perspective)
submitted by Coffee_stained_poems to AITAH [link] [comments]
On the other hand, I have recently turned 18 and have been searching for part time jobs to fill up my summer schedule and start learning how to control and spend my money, with this being said, I have asked my dad to ask his friends to let me into the job market because where I live it’s not easy finding a job as a teen, and if it was easy I would’ve been hired and working right now. My dad has been doing everything in his power to make sure that I DON’T find a job instead. He is not asking his friends about it and keeps covering it with the excuse of “oh my friends wouldn’t know” when I know that’s a lie because he has so many connections that it’s quite impossible for one of his friends to not know about the job market in where I live.
These are just 2 examples but to give even further context, after I finished my exams a few days ago I was welcomed to a surprise in my room; my mother had went through all my stuff and had emptied it out onto my desk. I felt as if my privacy had been completely invaded and later on she kept on asking me about the stuff that she had found in my bag and why they were there. Side note: I had nothing to hide because I don’t vape, smoke, or engage with any of those activities for her to act like she’s caught me red handed. This made me even more mad but I couldn’t communicate my feelings with her, she always finds a way to make herself the victim and manipulate me into feeling bad for her.
With this being said, I haven’t really held a conversation with her in these past two days and today when I went to make myself lunch because I was hungry, she told me that she won’t tell me where she’s storing the ingredients I needed because she doesn’t want me to have lunch at that time. I genuinely feel so pressured and restricted in this household and don’t know what to do next. I have considered talking to a counselor, but to do that it would mean that I need to ask my parents for the money (which they likely wouldn’t give to me for counseling). I really don’t know who else to tell this to so I’m putting my perspective on here in order to see if I’m being right at least.
EDIT: just to clarify, in order to find a job where I live (I don’t live in a western country), you really do need to get into the job marketplace through the connection of someone else
EDIT 2: to give more perspective into how controlling my dad is, he’s also been trying to convince me to not go to university (this isn’t related to anything else, he just has a very sexist perspective)
2024.05.19 10:21 RealAd1811 I think I offended my boyfriend’s family, how do I recover?
I am 31F and dating a 34M. I live in a city and he lives with family in a small rural town one hour away. He has 3 siblings, 2 sisters. The eldest sister lives a 17 hour drive away.
We have been dating 2 years. I was invited to his older sisters baby shower in January, which was 17 hours away. I was offered a ride with his younger sister and aunt but declined and sent a gift, as I was so wiped from the holidays and would have to take off work. I was also not confident about my ability to socialize for so long and I didn’t know them very well, I know my social battery is low and I would be probably mute because I just am not very social and it would be a long time together. My boyfriend wasn’t going. I’m not sure if his older sister holds that against me or not.
Yesterday I was invited to his nieces birthday, I went early Saturday, it was an hours drive away. It was nice except his mom who has mental illness and recently divorced their dad came and no one expected that, and my boyfriend and her don’t get along. I had only met his mom one other time almost 2 years ago. My mom also has mental illness so I understand. I have nothing against her!!! I would love to get along with a future in law. But when my boyfriend and I walked in I said hi, and she looked at us and said to my boyfriend, “I am not a stalker” and walked away, and it was pretty awkward.
His older sister and her husband and their new baby flew in to come to the party!
So anyways the party was fun and lovely. I found out there was a wedding reception of his cousins that night. I had no idea about it, I thought my boyfriend and I would go back to my place Saturday night and spend Sunday together like always. But I said I’d go and I went and bought an outfit in his town and went to the reception! It was nice, it was for someone on his mom’s side of the family which I’d never met!
His sister told us at the reception that their mom said I gave her a dirty look, which I didn’t or didn’t mean to! She didn’t say it like she believed I did, but like their mom was starting drama. But their mom is ill and has a lot of negative thoughts about everyone. But it made me feel bad :(
I was feeling shy at the reception, and didn’t dance until the very end to one song awkwardly. His older sister was trying to get my boyfriend to dance, but he wouldn’t, and she said he always does, and it seemed like she was thinking that he wouldn’t dance because I was there, because I didn’t want to. I felt bad.
I was quiet a lot, I think I came off as not wanting to be there? I don’t know! I hope not. But I find socializing hard and I feel I put my foot in my mouth several times.
SO his older sister who flew in found out about a graduation party the next day, Sunday, and invited us all. And also they decided they are going out for their dad’s birthday Sunday evening. His sister invited us and it was sooo loud in the reception I wasn’t hearing everything of what people were saying. My boyfriend said we might be able to make it to the grad party, and I was like yeah I think so I think, but it might have seemed I didn’t want to, but I hope not. They were like, how far is it to your house? How long of a drive tonight and tomorrow? And were like that’s not that far.
So when we left the reception, his older sister was like, you guys should come, I hope to see you there. I thought I saw her roll her eyes at me for being noncommittal. I talked about it with my boyfriend after and said I’d like to go. I really have no idea who the grad party is for and don’t know if my boyfriend wants to go to that, but I definitely want to go to his dad’s bday dinner.
I just felt like his sister was not liking that she felt I didn’t want to do these things tomorrow. I kind of don’t want to but totally will. I hate that I seemed like I didn’t want to. I just had a really rough week at work working overtime and my work is abusive and I’ve been looking for another job, and Saturday day is my chore day but I was at the birthday party, I haven’t gone grocery shopping or done laundry. Which whatever.
His sister also encouraged me to do the single ladies bouquet toss, it was me and like 7 10 and under girls. It got tossed really far away from me and I didn’t run for it as o had all these little girls in front.
TLDR: Why am I like this? I believe I have offended his family and made them not like me. I don’t feel like a very likable person. I typically like to know plans ahead of time but don’t want to turn down these invites, I will go and want to make a good impression. Please help me get my head straight. I fear my boyfriend’s family doesn’t really like me, and thinks I don’t like them or that my boyfriend needs someone more social who fits in.
submitted by RealAd1811 to Advice [link] [comments]
We have been dating 2 years. I was invited to his older sisters baby shower in January, which was 17 hours away. I was offered a ride with his younger sister and aunt but declined and sent a gift, as I was so wiped from the holidays and would have to take off work. I was also not confident about my ability to socialize for so long and I didn’t know them very well, I know my social battery is low and I would be probably mute because I just am not very social and it would be a long time together. My boyfriend wasn’t going. I’m not sure if his older sister holds that against me or not.
Yesterday I was invited to his nieces birthday, I went early Saturday, it was an hours drive away. It was nice except his mom who has mental illness and recently divorced their dad came and no one expected that, and my boyfriend and her don’t get along. I had only met his mom one other time almost 2 years ago. My mom also has mental illness so I understand. I have nothing against her!!! I would love to get along with a future in law. But when my boyfriend and I walked in I said hi, and she looked at us and said to my boyfriend, “I am not a stalker” and walked away, and it was pretty awkward.
His older sister and her husband and their new baby flew in to come to the party!
So anyways the party was fun and lovely. I found out there was a wedding reception of his cousins that night. I had no idea about it, I thought my boyfriend and I would go back to my place Saturday night and spend Sunday together like always. But I said I’d go and I went and bought an outfit in his town and went to the reception! It was nice, it was for someone on his mom’s side of the family which I’d never met!
His sister told us at the reception that their mom said I gave her a dirty look, which I didn’t or didn’t mean to! She didn’t say it like she believed I did, but like their mom was starting drama. But their mom is ill and has a lot of negative thoughts about everyone. But it made me feel bad :(
I was feeling shy at the reception, and didn’t dance until the very end to one song awkwardly. His older sister was trying to get my boyfriend to dance, but he wouldn’t, and she said he always does, and it seemed like she was thinking that he wouldn’t dance because I was there, because I didn’t want to. I felt bad.
I was quiet a lot, I think I came off as not wanting to be there? I don’t know! I hope not. But I find socializing hard and I feel I put my foot in my mouth several times.
SO his older sister who flew in found out about a graduation party the next day, Sunday, and invited us all. And also they decided they are going out for their dad’s birthday Sunday evening. His sister invited us and it was sooo loud in the reception I wasn’t hearing everything of what people were saying. My boyfriend said we might be able to make it to the grad party, and I was like yeah I think so I think, but it might have seemed I didn’t want to, but I hope not. They were like, how far is it to your house? How long of a drive tonight and tomorrow? And were like that’s not that far.
So when we left the reception, his older sister was like, you guys should come, I hope to see you there. I thought I saw her roll her eyes at me for being noncommittal. I talked about it with my boyfriend after and said I’d like to go. I really have no idea who the grad party is for and don’t know if my boyfriend wants to go to that, but I definitely want to go to his dad’s bday dinner.
I just felt like his sister was not liking that she felt I didn’t want to do these things tomorrow. I kind of don’t want to but totally will. I hate that I seemed like I didn’t want to. I just had a really rough week at work working overtime and my work is abusive and I’ve been looking for another job, and Saturday day is my chore day but I was at the birthday party, I haven’t gone grocery shopping or done laundry. Which whatever.
His sister also encouraged me to do the single ladies bouquet toss, it was me and like 7 10 and under girls. It got tossed really far away from me and I didn’t run for it as o had all these little girls in front.
TLDR: Why am I like this? I believe I have offended his family and made them not like me. I don’t feel like a very likable person. I typically like to know plans ahead of time but don’t want to turn down these invites, I will go and want to make a good impression. Please help me get my head straight. I fear my boyfriend’s family doesn’t really like me, and thinks I don’t like them or that my boyfriend needs someone more social who fits in.
2024.05.19 10:06 brechindave Help Shape “Etymology: The Card Game”!
Hi everyone,
I'm excited to share with you a project I've been passionately working on: Etymology: The Card Game. This game is designed for mid- to late teens and adults who love words and language. It features 300 cards divided into Latin, Greek, and Loanword categories and aims to make learning about the origins and meanings of words fun and interactive.
I recently created a prototype and would love your feedback and ideas on what to include. Your insights can help shape the final version of the game!
Here's how you can help:
Thank you so much for your support and feedback. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and hopefully seeing you on the Facebook page!
Best regards, David Thomson
submitted by brechindave to etymology [link] [comments]
I'm excited to share with you a project I've been passionately working on: Etymology: The Card Game. This game is designed for mid- to late teens and adults who love words and language. It features 300 cards divided into Latin, Greek, and Loanword categories and aims to make learning about the origins and meanings of words fun and interactive.
I recently created a prototype and would love your feedback and ideas on what to include. Your insights can help shape the final version of the game!
Here's how you can help:
- Visit Our Facebook Page: Check out the prototype and see what we’ve got so far. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61560088701645
- Share Your Ideas: What do you think would make the game better? Any roots, prefixes, suffixes, or loanwords you think should definitely be included?
- Follow Our Page: If you’re interested in the game, please follow the Facebook page. Knowing the level of interest will help me determine how many sets to print.
- Spread the Word: Share the page with friends or anyone you think might be interested in etymology or educational games.
Thank you so much for your support and feedback. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and hopefully seeing you on the Facebook page!
Best regards, David Thomson
2024.05.19 10:05 KindTurnover2872 Please help/seeking advice/support
everyone I just want to vent about something
I am 16 years old and after a very toxic relationship I soon became very depressed it was a very serious depressive episode I would say I was in my bed just rotting for all of October 2022 is when it started and really that depression took a while to curb and is now back from my arthritis symptoms. I had completely lost my appetite and really, I would eat nothing all day. I don’t know how I did it, I had nearly 7 seizures last year.. but I was so extremely depressed from such toxic people who were still trying to crawl back into my life. I’ve almost lost or I have lost 20 pounds in a year from the depression. I was always perfectly fine for my whole life.. I don’t know how to feel this is really hard for me mentally. I feel disabled I feel like my opportunities are reduced. I feel like as if I’m still struggling with the denial. So my parents definitely noticed my weight loss last year but didn’t really do anything to help me like take me to a doctor and I also didn’t advocate for myself as I was in so deep into my depressive episode so I can also blame myself I guess. But that’s what my problem is.. my mother blames me for my arthritis and everyone in my life is denying at the moment I think everyone is in shock as well. I got into an argument with my father a couple days about something petty and I had told him my arthritis has given me a short temper and made me an angrier person, he said you don’t have sh*t and it made me feel very invalidated and angry and I told him the first stage is denial maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words but I know he might just be in denial and hurt as well as my dad so I am not thinking about what he said too much. My symptoms really started Nov 2023 once in the morning I was brushing my hair before school and I felt a very tight pain in my wrist when I had moved my hand a certain direction because my hair is curly and needs a lot of maintenance, I knew this was a big red flag as I had never felt that before. Then the real pain started the joint pain, aching, dullness, burning, tense pain I feel deep in my bones that i know is arthritis 💔 I am so scared and worried for my future . My symptoms were the worst in winter, where my body would hurt all the time in the cold!! I dropped from 115 lb to almost 96-97 now i know I am unhealthy and doing my best to gain it back I am also 5’1. Also, whenever I move in class my body pops so extremely loud.. to have arthritis at this age in the school setting is so incredibly humiliating and confusing and difficult… I always have to crack my knuckles to ease the pressure built in them after I’m done writing, sometimes I feel the worst of all is I’ve lost my beautiful body that people used to compliment me on, I have genetic cystic acne and wear glasses so it really was the only thing that did make me feel good enough which hurts me to say. I wonder when I go to school what people think of me, I’ve even lost my best friend and friend group because I’m not beautiful like them anymore. It sounds stupid but it’s true my hair being very short due to the shrinkage in curly hair does make me look a bit ugly I have short hair now but it’s growing as i try to gain weight.. how i feel is what is the point of life if I am always suffering 💔 and why me💔 my parents can’t afford even clothes and food for me now they have to buy me medicine i don’t even think they are taking me seriously unfortunately… as the oldest daughter in an immigrant household they always expected me to know how to raise myself and now when i need them they aren’t here😔 it’s hard to write in class and even stay awake, i was always a sleepy person but arthritis is a different.. exhaustion. I feel as if there’s nothing to live for, I am emotionally drained and numbed I almost feel like I’m losing it sometimes. I wish we had a support group for very young people dealing with arthritis because I feel like my life is robbed from me but i only have myself to blame I guess 💔😔
submitted by KindTurnover2872 to rheumatoid [link] [comments]
I am 16 years old and after a very toxic relationship I soon became very depressed it was a very serious depressive episode I would say I was in my bed just rotting for all of October 2022 is when it started and really that depression took a while to curb and is now back from my arthritis symptoms. I had completely lost my appetite and really, I would eat nothing all day. I don’t know how I did it, I had nearly 7 seizures last year.. but I was so extremely depressed from such toxic people who were still trying to crawl back into my life. I’ve almost lost or I have lost 20 pounds in a year from the depression. I was always perfectly fine for my whole life.. I don’t know how to feel this is really hard for me mentally. I feel disabled I feel like my opportunities are reduced. I feel like as if I’m still struggling with the denial. So my parents definitely noticed my weight loss last year but didn’t really do anything to help me like take me to a doctor and I also didn’t advocate for myself as I was in so deep into my depressive episode so I can also blame myself I guess. But that’s what my problem is.. my mother blames me for my arthritis and everyone in my life is denying at the moment I think everyone is in shock as well. I got into an argument with my father a couple days about something petty and I had told him my arthritis has given me a short temper and made me an angrier person, he said you don’t have sh*t and it made me feel very invalidated and angry and I told him the first stage is denial maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words but I know he might just be in denial and hurt as well as my dad so I am not thinking about what he said too much. My symptoms really started Nov 2023 once in the morning I was brushing my hair before school and I felt a very tight pain in my wrist when I had moved my hand a certain direction because my hair is curly and needs a lot of maintenance, I knew this was a big red flag as I had never felt that before. Then the real pain started the joint pain, aching, dullness, burning, tense pain I feel deep in my bones that i know is arthritis 💔 I am so scared and worried for my future . My symptoms were the worst in winter, where my body would hurt all the time in the cold!! I dropped from 115 lb to almost 96-97 now i know I am unhealthy and doing my best to gain it back I am also 5’1. Also, whenever I move in class my body pops so extremely loud.. to have arthritis at this age in the school setting is so incredibly humiliating and confusing and difficult… I always have to crack my knuckles to ease the pressure built in them after I’m done writing, sometimes I feel the worst of all is I’ve lost my beautiful body that people used to compliment me on, I have genetic cystic acne and wear glasses so it really was the only thing that did make me feel good enough which hurts me to say. I wonder when I go to school what people think of me, I’ve even lost my best friend and friend group because I’m not beautiful like them anymore. It sounds stupid but it’s true my hair being very short due to the shrinkage in curly hair does make me look a bit ugly I have short hair now but it’s growing as i try to gain weight.. how i feel is what is the point of life if I am always suffering 💔 and why me💔 my parents can’t afford even clothes and food for me now they have to buy me medicine i don’t even think they are taking me seriously unfortunately… as the oldest daughter in an immigrant household they always expected me to know how to raise myself and now when i need them they aren’t here😔 it’s hard to write in class and even stay awake, i was always a sleepy person but arthritis is a different.. exhaustion. I feel as if there’s nothing to live for, I am emotionally drained and numbed I almost feel like I’m losing it sometimes. I wish we had a support group for very young people dealing with arthritis because I feel like my life is robbed from me but i only have myself to blame I guess 💔😔
2024.05.19 10:05 ggwplucky [Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview
![[Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/Wh_F6hlvj3-qiM2-gJFE7A7mKUd6-BFPlteTdOzhJWY.jpg "[Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview") | A while back I was messing around with the Wayback Machine & came across this diamond in the rough on AP's MySpace page. Also found some photos, but most importantly, a track-by-track [Armed To The Teeth] interview from Sony Connect that they did back in '05 (presumably around the same time they did the Sony Connect set with the acoustic songs). submitted by ggwplucky to AbandonedPools [link] [comments] In the interview, Tommy tells the story behind each track on Armed To The Teeth (except Lucky). You'll also find tidbits about the process, lyrically & sonically of these songs, and much more! If you want to read it/see it from the "raw" source and discover more, here's a link with the Wayback's capture I found on the interview blog: https://web.archive.org/web/20071005015435/http://www.myspace.com/abandonedpools Now without further ado, the Sonic Connect Interview: A track by track discussion of Armed to the Teeth from the Sony Connect Store interview: LETHAL KILLERS TW: As far as how that [demo of the] song was constructed ... I did this trick where I would take a half-time drum loop and sort of nudge it one way and then put in another track and nudge it the other, and we got this sort of double time, rolling drum feel. So that - plus the sort of round-robin type of guitar parts that we have going - was sort of a very easy construction for a song. And then you start moving the bass part around, and, boom, you've got a song. But I think that lyrically - I want to make it clear that that song isn't necessarily [about] "church is bad, government's bad." I think it's a little bit more complicated than that, though sometimes if you mix the two of religious power and government power, that can be bad for both of them. And I kinda like the idea of not living a life saying, "Well, you better live life in a certain way because then, you know, everything's gonna be great later in heaven." You know, the idea of, like, if this is all we have now, if that idea was just a little bit more embraced, our world could be a little bit better. I just find that a little bit more satisfying, too, if you think like, this is all you have and then you're gonna die. [Laughs] It seems a little bit more like, "Oh, okay, well!" instead of, like, thinking that there's some other life at some other time and you can put things off. RABBLE TW: Well, a lot of the songs on this record - about two-thirds of it - have to do with a relationship I had that went south, and you know when you go through relationships you always have such a good 20/20 hindsight about things. And I think "Rabble" is just trying to basically say to somebody, "I just wanted to know you better" . . . It's just one of those things where, with this relationship in particular, I wish it would have turned out better. And there's a lot of things that happened that shouldn't have happened, and it's just sort of one of those "oh, what could have been?" scenarios. THE CATALYST TW: "The Catalyst" is definitely along the same lines. I think the main line in that one is "I wish I could say something beautiful to make you fall in love again." There's a Coachella reference in there, too: "Love has slowly faded away like spotlights shining into space." Have you ever been to Coachella? Of course you have. You know, there's all those spotlights that shoot up in the air. I just thought that was kinda cool, like, how far do those lights really go? "The Catalyst" was also the last song written for the record. It was demoed while we were in the studio. And it's one of those songs that I said two-thirds of the record was written for somebody. That's one of them. TIGHTER NOOSE TW: "Tighter Noose" is the oldest song on the record by far. It was probably written back in '99, 2000, or somewhere in there. I was thinking about it for the first record [2001's Humanistic], but it didn't really fit in with those kind of songs, so I kept it around and we'd even play it live occasionally. I think it fits in with these songs way better. [As for what "Tighter Noose" is about,] that song is one of those breaking-off-on-your-own- what-have-you-got-to-lose kind of things, because that was written sort of in the wake of when I was in The Eels. It wasn't a terribly happy situation, so I was like, well screw it, I'm just gonna go off and do my own thing. And then it's sort of like, well, you know: "I'm gonna go start my own thing. Uh, I have to learn to sing and write songs now." [Laughs] It's kinda funny: "Screw you guys! I'm gonna go get a deal!" And then like, "Uh oh." But really, I'm a firm believer in that [idea that] you just gotta go for it. And so it was like, well, this is gonna be difficult, but it's gonna be better than what I had before. And actually, with some distance on that situation, I realized I made the right decision and made a lot more money and was a lot more happy as a result. So that was sort of a leap of faith, you know. I didn't want to be someone's stupid bass player. Now I'm my own stupid bass player. WAITING TO PANIC TW: There was a lull between record companies. The first record [Humanistic] was on Extasy - I don't know if you know about that company, but we were basically the poster-child for the implosion of an indie label. I came off the road in 2002, the label's folding, and I'm like, well, I'm just gonna go back and give this my best shot and we'll get another deal. It seemed highly unlikely, but we ended up doing it. And there was just a lull in there where nobody was interested. I had attorneys not returning my phone calls - that kinda stuff. It felt like, I'm just waiting around and I'm really anxious. So that was a song of frustration that was written and demoed all in one day - it was a song that just came out of me in like eight hours. We also put an EP out [The Reverb EP] and on the EP is the version of that demo that I did in one day. It doesn't happen [like that] very often. Usually I build bed tracks and come back to it a few weeks later and add something, and then come back a couple of days later. This one was all in one shot. HUNTING TW: My friend Ross Golan, who has his own band Ross Golan and Molehead, had been following the wake of the relationship. He's like, "You just gotta write her a song and use her name." And I'm like, nah, nah, it's not covered enough. And he's like, "No, just do it. Go for it." So I did. I wrote this song and I wrote it for her for her birthday and I used her name, which is in the first lyric of the song, which is "Ginny." So I just went for it and wrote it. It was basically a birthday gift, and it was basically saying, like, you know, "Oops!" [Laughs] It didn't get me very far, but I like the song. We're friends, she's a good girl, absolutely, but back at that time, it was kinda like, "Erraaghhh! Here's a song!" But I like the song and I just think it was one of those times where I was really putting myself out there, and I know she liked it, too. But then, I think that's a myth where you just write a song and all of a sudden the girl just says, "Oh! Okay!" But, you know, hey. There it is. It's on the record. That's the romantic notion of how they'll react to the song, at least. TW: Exactly. And I'm really glad we're past that whole ironic phase, which I was part of with The Eels, where everything was super ironic and we'd play "The Macarena" on stage - [sarcastically] and that was funny! I'm glad we're through all that stuff, even though I was still a Beck fan when he was doing all that stuff, too. But I like being sincere and sappy and romantic. I kinda think that's a great thing. ARMED TO THE TEETH TW: This is one of the first songs written when we came off the road and I had a lot of momentum. If you look at the state of the industry you can see a lot of corporations that seem to have to buy everything in sight. They just have to own everything, and to what purpose? Does it really make the industry much better? No. There's fewer outlets, there's a lot more gatekeepers. They want to buy stuff and it just kinda makes things bad for everybody. All the radio stations play the same shit - except for Indie 103.1 and KCRW in L.A. In spite of it all, I'm just gonna try to do my best and have a career anyway. When we came off the road I felt like I had a lot of momentum. Performing live is inspiring to writing, so it was just the whole idea of, "Alright, now that I have one record under my belt, I'm gonna really go for it in spite of all the forces that be." Even though they're pretty much indifferent to us, [laughs] their actions do affect us. It's sort of a song of bravado. Why did you also choose "Armed To The Teeth" as the name of the album, too, which, in turn, implies it as the overall theme? TW: Yeah, which is funny, since I kinda decided on that theme early on, thinking I was gonna go in a certain way, but then, like I said, two-thirds of the record is love songs. So "Armed To The Teeth" doesn't really fit in a certain way, but I also liked it just because [of] that idea of, like, now I'm really ready to make a record, and also I think it reflects the state of the country a little bit. Everything's a little bit aggressive, we're at war, and I thought it was sort of timely in that way SOONER OR LATER TW: "Sooner Or Later" is another one of those tracks that was written after we got signed, so it's a newer song. I mentioned that sort of double time drum loop thing with "Lethal Killers" - this is the same thing. It's a half time drum loop that I nudged in one direction and then put in another track and nudge it in the other, then "boom," it's double time. And I like that, it's a good effect. It really sets up this kind of overlapping, rolling sound that a real drummer can't do. And things flam a little bit, and I really like that feel, so this song was constructed in the same manner where you have a rolling drum loop and then you put over a couple of guitar parts here and there and all of a sudden you got a song - I think this song is over six minutes. This is, um, I guess it's a couple things. Lyrically, it's sort of saying, like, whatever you do or whatever you say, there's no point in hiding anything because it all comes out in the end - which is the tagline in the chorus. There's no hiding. And in the verse it says, "Sooner or later / It's all coming down." In some way or another, whether you acknowledge it or if it just eats at your self, you can't really get away with anything. It's sort of fatalistic that way, but also in terms of, like, seeing how I also look at as a bigger picture of, like, politically, and since we're at war right now, it seems like things are getting a little scary. And that's kind of like one of those doomsday scenarios. If you look around a little you can really freak yourself out if you're reading about, like, bio-warfare and things like that. So a lot of this talk about "smoking gun in the shape of a mushroom cloud" and all that, it sort of brought up for me a lot of doomsday scenarios. So it's two-fold: it's that doomsday scenario, in terms of as far as the world is concerned, and then, personally, if you do stupid shit then you're eventually gonna pay for it somehow. SAILING SEAS TW: Like "Hunting," this is probably the most direct, out-there storytelling song. Instead of using her [real] name, it's switched to "Holly," which is in the chorus. So it's another one of those songs talking straight to somebody. And there's a lot of details in there that I wouldn't talk about in normal conversation. That's the funny thing about songwriting where I wouldn't talk about this, but then I can put it in this song and you can still hear it and you still understand, but it's sort of masked a little bit. It's presented in a certain way where it's somehow okay to say that when you're in a major key or something. Because like, the second verse is about pretending you're outside a room listening to somebody [you love] have sex [with someone else], and that's a situation to put yourself into to really torture yourself. I created this scenario in my head and I put it in a song, and it's kinda brutal, but the [beat of the] song is upbeat and happy. RENEGADE TW: This is a sample-based type song [with] drum loops. The cello was originally a Bjork sample and we replaced it. This one is sort of hard to explain. To me it’s just sort of like just a creation, because some of the record is social commentary, and I think there's a lot of that in this song, and it's like little snippets and ideas, and not necessarily one unifying idea. I think it's just kind of a song based on looking around and taking stock of things. This song in particular isn't really even about anything. It's just, like, observations, pretty much. And, oh, by the way, Billy Howerdel, the guitarist from A Perfect Circle, is playing guitar on that song. He jumped on that track and he's the one that makes it sound scary. MAYBE THEN SOMEDAY TW: That was one of the first songs written in the wake of the breakup. It was one of those kind of "well-it-just-didn't-work-out-but-maybe-one-day-we'll-see-what-happens" kind of things. Because the circumstances are such that it wasn't gonna happen immediately so I was kinda like, well, we'll see. I don't have much to say about that; it's just grouped in with "songs about her." GOODBYE SONG TW: That was also written when there was not a lot going on for me and we hadn't really nailed down the record deal. She [Tommy's ex-girlfriend] always thought she was bad luck - she'd show up and bad things would start happening - so she thought it was her fault that I hadn't got a deal. She actually moved away and soon as she did, we got a deal. [Laughs] I think it's funny to sort of say, like the first line of the song is "I'm not washed up / And you're not bad luck for anyone," so, you know, get off the ledge, really. And it's just one of those things; it's one of those yearning songs. I think with a lot of those songs there's a certain amount of effort spent on presenting evidence, like, "Look, I know this is how you feel, but look at all the other stuff." It's almost like making a case for your self [in a song]. And like I said, it didn't get me far, but it's still a good venting process. And I sort of realize when I say things like, "I wrote this for her" or whatever, it's not really for her. It's more self-indulgent to get this stuff out. And in a way you're saying, "Yeah, I wrote this song for you," but no, you wrote it for yourself so you could say things that you felt like saying. So I realize that and I think I realized that while I was writing them, but my job is to write songs so you take from what's around you to make it happen. |
2024.05.19 10:01 JustaCatChick My roommate is my aunt and she’s becoming difficult and starting to slowly charge me more.
My aunt F(40) and I F(25) agreed to both get an apartment with both of our names on the lease. She was in a rush to get an apartment as she had just had a divorce, and I wanted my own place after moving out of my boyfriend’s parent’s house.
She was in a rush to sign the papers and move in because she had nowhere else to go. Her sister (my other aunt) allowed her to live in her house rent free for a couple months before she needed to look for a place. So once she found out, I was breaking up she took it as an opportunity to get a roommate.
I feel like me being naïve and new to the lease signing process was seen as an opportunity to take advantage. The day of signing the lease they told us that we couldn’t view the unit because it wasn’t ready and I told her that I didn’t sign it because I don’t know what the condition is but she insisted that we do and that we can fix it later, so I did trusting her.
Once we move in, it’s a very old department and we are paying roughly 1,500 in rent. It’s a two bed two bath. It comes with the garage for a single car, which she has claimed since she pays more. She has the master bedroom with a standup shower and a bathtub as well as “his and her sink”. I have the guest restroom, which is just a simple small bathroom with a tub shower, toilet and sink.
Initially, the agreement was the I pay a portion of the rent, electricity and Internet. Her mother, which is my grandmother was trying to help us get us into our own place so sent her $5000 which was supposed to be divided by two which would give $2500 to her and $2500 to me. I didn’t know about this until recently as she hid it and was acting like it was given to her for months, and even made it seem like she was being nice by helping me out since I couldn’t afford some stuff during she furniture shopping. So when we went shopping for the apartment, I tried to help pay for half of groceries and little furnishings that I could afford out of my pocket. When it came to picking out couches, she made it seem like a very carefree experience (not paying attending to price) and was looking for a very big couch that was lavish and when I told her I couldn’t afford it, she said don’t worry Grandmother is helping us out. (but we’re just spending my portion of the money on the couch she wanted) If I had known that MY money was going towards that couch, I would’ve definitely chose a cheaper one and put more thought into selecting it.
I had a gut feeling about the spending and asked my grandmother about the “help she gave us”, she told me the truth: that $2500 should have gone to me, and she’s sorry that she didn’t clarify it soon as she sent it. She thought my aunt would’ve done the right thing and give it to me to help me purchase my furniture for my room. Later she went shopping for a brand new mattress and began shopping for more furniture and decor. Meanwhile, my room is full of free furniture that is used and that I’ve gotten from family members storage and IKEA furniture that I bought out of my own pocket.
I am a full-time student, receiving assistance from the gov receiving 1400/month as a Veterans dependent. And I also do commissions on the side to make extra money. So I live very frugally naturally and am a minimalist tbh and yes I CAN afford bills and own groceries. I’ll also watch all her animals while she’s out of town for free (2 cats and 1 dog). I only have one cat and often clean the whole apartment, including helping her with her laundry that sits in the washedryer. Since i see it as a contribution and helping her out.
The agreement has changed in the past four months that I’ve lived with her. We are 4 months into a 14 month lease. She pays $1200 a month for rent, I am responsible for everything else. That being: whatever is left of rent, water, electricity, Internet, and I have to pay for my own parking every month at the apartment we stay (she gets garage so she doesn’t have to pay parking)
Lately she’s been asking me if I’m going to get a job and to start contributing more towards the rent, which caught me off guard as I thought we had already come to an agreement on the rent/bills situation before signing the lease and revisiting about a month ago. Right now I’m roughly paying $600-$700 in utilities and rent combined. If it gets more expensive and bills go up I am responsible for the overages and she seems to like to leave the AC low and lights on. She’ll leave her clothes in the washer and forget to throw them in the dryer and end up washing them again. The same thing with the dryer. Even if it’s dry she’ll, have to redry it to “freshen it up”.
I’m also probably undiagnosed OCD, my only complaint to her is to be clean and at least keep common areas tidy. She likes to leave things in the sink overnight, dump her weeks worth of coffee cups that she brings from work in the sink and leave them for hours. Her dog will pee around the apartment and I find it after it dries up and becomes sticky after I step in it. I’ve mentioned these issues before, but she seems to shrug them off and give me excuses.
I’ll leave for days at a time and give her a notice on when I leave and come back because I know I am leaving my cat with her, but I make sure he always has food and I come by and check on him, clean litter box and tidy up around the place if I’m staying at my boyfriends, which is only 20 minutes away. She complain the fact that I’m gone too long. And when I’m at the apartment, it seems to bother her that I do school from home and can work from home doing commissions. I’m an introvert.
She is a shopping addict and is in debt and also runs a business that is in the red, she has no children and she seems to be living above what she can afford. Her ex husband is needing help financially and I think it’s affecting her financially. In the end she’s asking for me to help her as she is struggling with her lifestyle, relationship, and business.
Some people might say that my situation isn’t that bad or that I’m overthinking, but since this is a family member, it’s hard to set boundaries as well as stand up for myself when I respect her as an aunt.
She’s came to me offering to help me in the beginning when I was looking for a place and now it seems like a trap. My parents asked me to move back in so that I could save money and avoid rent but she said if I move out I’m fully responsible for breaking the lease or paying for her to downsize into a single bed room unit, which would be $1300 in fees or more. I want to stand my ground since my name is on that lease and we made an agreement. I’m frustrated and really need advice. Am I wrong, should I help more or is she just taking advantage.
submitted by JustaCatChick to badroommates [link] [comments]
She was in a rush to sign the papers and move in because she had nowhere else to go. Her sister (my other aunt) allowed her to live in her house rent free for a couple months before she needed to look for a place. So once she found out, I was breaking up she took it as an opportunity to get a roommate.
I feel like me being naïve and new to the lease signing process was seen as an opportunity to take advantage. The day of signing the lease they told us that we couldn’t view the unit because it wasn’t ready and I told her that I didn’t sign it because I don’t know what the condition is but she insisted that we do and that we can fix it later, so I did trusting her.
Once we move in, it’s a very old department and we are paying roughly 1,500 in rent. It’s a two bed two bath. It comes with the garage for a single car, which she has claimed since she pays more. She has the master bedroom with a standup shower and a bathtub as well as “his and her sink”. I have the guest restroom, which is just a simple small bathroom with a tub shower, toilet and sink.
Initially, the agreement was the I pay a portion of the rent, electricity and Internet. Her mother, which is my grandmother was trying to help us get us into our own place so sent her $5000 which was supposed to be divided by two which would give $2500 to her and $2500 to me. I didn’t know about this until recently as she hid it and was acting like it was given to her for months, and even made it seem like she was being nice by helping me out since I couldn’t afford some stuff during she furniture shopping. So when we went shopping for the apartment, I tried to help pay for half of groceries and little furnishings that I could afford out of my pocket. When it came to picking out couches, she made it seem like a very carefree experience (not paying attending to price) and was looking for a very big couch that was lavish and when I told her I couldn’t afford it, she said don’t worry Grandmother is helping us out. (but we’re just spending my portion of the money on the couch she wanted) If I had known that MY money was going towards that couch, I would’ve definitely chose a cheaper one and put more thought into selecting it.
I had a gut feeling about the spending and asked my grandmother about the “help she gave us”, she told me the truth: that $2500 should have gone to me, and she’s sorry that she didn’t clarify it soon as she sent it. She thought my aunt would’ve done the right thing and give it to me to help me purchase my furniture for my room. Later she went shopping for a brand new mattress and began shopping for more furniture and decor. Meanwhile, my room is full of free furniture that is used and that I’ve gotten from family members storage and IKEA furniture that I bought out of my own pocket.
I am a full-time student, receiving assistance from the gov receiving 1400/month as a Veterans dependent. And I also do commissions on the side to make extra money. So I live very frugally naturally and am a minimalist tbh and yes I CAN afford bills and own groceries. I’ll also watch all her animals while she’s out of town for free (2 cats and 1 dog). I only have one cat and often clean the whole apartment, including helping her with her laundry that sits in the washedryer. Since i see it as a contribution and helping her out.
The agreement has changed in the past four months that I’ve lived with her. We are 4 months into a 14 month lease. She pays $1200 a month for rent, I am responsible for everything else. That being: whatever is left of rent, water, electricity, Internet, and I have to pay for my own parking every month at the apartment we stay (she gets garage so she doesn’t have to pay parking)
Lately she’s been asking me if I’m going to get a job and to start contributing more towards the rent, which caught me off guard as I thought we had already come to an agreement on the rent/bills situation before signing the lease and revisiting about a month ago. Right now I’m roughly paying $600-$700 in utilities and rent combined. If it gets more expensive and bills go up I am responsible for the overages and she seems to like to leave the AC low and lights on. She’ll leave her clothes in the washer and forget to throw them in the dryer and end up washing them again. The same thing with the dryer. Even if it’s dry she’ll, have to redry it to “freshen it up”.
I’m also probably undiagnosed OCD, my only complaint to her is to be clean and at least keep common areas tidy. She likes to leave things in the sink overnight, dump her weeks worth of coffee cups that she brings from work in the sink and leave them for hours. Her dog will pee around the apartment and I find it after it dries up and becomes sticky after I step in it. I’ve mentioned these issues before, but she seems to shrug them off and give me excuses.
I’ll leave for days at a time and give her a notice on when I leave and come back because I know I am leaving my cat with her, but I make sure he always has food and I come by and check on him, clean litter box and tidy up around the place if I’m staying at my boyfriends, which is only 20 minutes away. She complain the fact that I’m gone too long. And when I’m at the apartment, it seems to bother her that I do school from home and can work from home doing commissions. I’m an introvert.
She is a shopping addict and is in debt and also runs a business that is in the red, she has no children and she seems to be living above what she can afford. Her ex husband is needing help financially and I think it’s affecting her financially. In the end she’s asking for me to help her as she is struggling with her lifestyle, relationship, and business.
Some people might say that my situation isn’t that bad or that I’m overthinking, but since this is a family member, it’s hard to set boundaries as well as stand up for myself when I respect her as an aunt.
She’s came to me offering to help me in the beginning when I was looking for a place and now it seems like a trap. My parents asked me to move back in so that I could save money and avoid rent but she said if I move out I’m fully responsible for breaking the lease or paying for her to downsize into a single bed room unit, which would be $1300 in fees or more. I want to stand my ground since my name is on that lease and we made an agreement. I’m frustrated and really need advice. Am I wrong, should I help more or is she just taking advantage.