Thank goodness for this community. Reading such common experiences helps me immensely, so I wanted to share mine and see if it resonates with you all.
Dad was diagnosed about 20 years ago by a marriage counselor. She then “fired” him from her practice, saying his marriage was beyond help because of it. Apparently, this rejection is common among BPD patients…implying it's unfixable, Since then, the ICD-11 has added a category called “difficult personalities disorder” probably to umbrella in the people who don’t fit neatly into the “5 of 9 traits” required for complete BPD diagnosis. Interestingly, he’s not unfaithful or suicidal, he kept the same job for decades, he can be fun and loving. But he rants, he overeats, he splits and denies, he isolates, he ruminates and fears, he blames and attacks and projects his self-esteem issues onto others...mostly me.
First, he was a very loving father when we were kids, attentive and supportive. And then a fantastic grandfather to my sons-loving, etc.. keeping his worst traits in check most of the time with all of us when we were young. (Not with Mom, however.) It’s as if because his childhood was tough, he sees all children as underdogs who need special care. I will always be thankful for my childhood, for it laid the ground work for my self-esteem. However, he was rougher on my brother as a kid than on me, pushing, verbally abusing, etc.. This swapped as we both reached puberty. I realize this has something to do with his view of women, his wife and his own mother.
As I became a woman, I became threatening, which appears common among BPD fathers. He then let my brother off the hook, where I got the laser focused judgment and anger. This is not to say he never loses his temper with my brother, he just tends to wait until the situation is severe (like brother getting arrested for DUI.) whereas I got attacked because I had 4 framed pictures of one son and 5 of our other son displayed in my den. Dad went on a level ten verbal attack. “What kind of a mother…rantrantrant” jamming the extra picture in my face. Walking around counting them sounds irrational doesn’t it? I met a visiting high school friend at Chili’s for dinner, and asked Mom to babysit, and I hear, “What kind of a mother goes to a bar and leaves her kids, rantrantrant.” Chili’s? Meanwhile, my brother can brag about sexual conquests, even when married. I have three college degrees—Dad never says a word. My brother flunked out of college, but Dad lies to everyone bro won a free ride to a prestigious university in our state. He paints my brother with all the best traits of my mother, but projects all his worst traits onto me. The irony is, I am very like my mother; my brother is not. But I am the scapegoat now, and brother is the golden child.
This behavior and thinking is called splitting, or black and white thinking. It is so bad, that my father bought my brother a house when bro struggled financially. He has not had rent or a mortgage or land tax for over ten years. Me? Different story; everything I have, I earned and paid for. Mom kept a list of money they gave my brother over the years for cars or lawyers, etc. Not counting the free house, his column equals $64k. My column? Zero. (And I’m the “good” kid, responsible, there for my parents.) It’s taken a very long time for me to grasp that no matter how illogical or unfair it is, it won’t change—it is part of the disorder. I tell myself to be proud that I can make my own way without help.
Dad’s impulsive, hair trigger temper over things that wouldn’t bother anyone else is profound. I’m exhausted from walking on eggshells, though avoiding conflict is so much better than entering it. He never hit us, but throws things, breaks our valuables (like Mom’s great-great grandmother’s rocker), curses, yells, screams. As a kid, I watched him fracture his wrist punching the wall when angry at Mom. He has had security remove him 3 times from my hospital room (two surgeries, one illness.) once because I told my mother about Christmas present ideas for my brother (and apparently should have been discussing my niece instead.) Who cares I had just had an 8 level spinal surgery the day before; Dad jumped out of his chair, livid, “You are forgetting someone aren’t you! Aren’t you.” He lost his cool the time I’d had surgery after a bike wreck, screaming he’d never let me see my mother again, and he’d write me out of the will. All I had done was interrupt him while he was talking. Security escorted him out. It was so ugly, one son refused to talk to him for months, shocked after witnessing it. My father told him that it was no big deal—that was just how he and I related, it was just our dynamic. My son said, "My mother never behaves that way and did nothing wrong," and hung up on him.
Dad begged me to call my son and take some of the blame. IOW Dad cannot see his part in things. He sees reactions as proof that his anger is justified. Who cares how he causes these reactions. (Who cares that I was lying disabled in a hospital bed.) He is angered by the oddest things, the most innocuous things.
He once followed a woman around at a party and purposefully interrupted her everytime she opened her mouth, then bragged later that he did this. He felt she was always cutting him off at past functions. Being interrupted is his hottest button. He wants everyone to listen to every last detail of whatever he has to say. And if you listen, but look like you aren’t, that’s as bad as interrupting him. But does he interrupt you? Of course he does, all the time, bored with what you want to say.
He loves to get people’s goats, saying or doing very calculated things that he knows will annoy Mom or me or whomever. He has never physically hurt anyone, but mock something embarrassing from your past? He’s all over that. You can watch his face when he says provocative things on purpose—he’s just hoping you will ignite. When I wrecked my bike, instead of helping me up, he literally took pictures of me on the ground. Then showed the pictures to my brother, saying “What kind of an idiot rides a bike when she’s had spinal surgery” (8 years before). BPDs triangulate, and often lack compassion.
When it comes to me and Mom, his favorite hostile line is “What kind of a___________does__________”
When I went to take my mother to see my aunt and uncle, Dad tried to tag along, and my relatives said, "Please, if he wants to come, we'll have to disinvite you. We can't take anymore." he had been so hostile the last time they say him and made my aunt cry. He has no idea his behavior has this effect on people.
He talks all about himself, and if he asks you a rare question about you, it is so he can then talk about himself. It’s like he thinks the type of lunch the kid ate (whom he sat next to in the third grade) is talk-show-worthy chitchat. But will cut you off in a second if you have something more pressing or recent to discuss. He’s very emotional and affectionate verbally and physically, but if you try to share your deeper thoughts or concerns, he gets very awkward and uncomfortable, and dismissive. BPDs struggle with intimacy and bonds.
His narcissism is so bad, that when Mom died last year, he wrote her obituary, but 60% of it was about himself. When the newspaper edited out all the stuff about Dad, Dad called me fuming, accusing me of calling the paper to edit it. He still believes that. He also refused to let anyone have a memorial service/funeral-her ashes are still in the box from the crematory-- but later that summer, he started telling me what he wants me to do for his funeral. (We did a small family dinner in honor of Mom without him.)
He is mistrustful and suspicious. He tends to take the other person’s side in regards to me, never trusting my perspective. If someone is offensive to me (like a boss who was angry when I refused to work from home while I was taking FMLA/disability pay after childbirth, or my ex who wasn’t paying child support) Dad took their side. I had to be the problem. When my husband was sent to a job site out of town, Dad thinks he asked to be assigned there to get away from me. (But says, “I just worry, and want you to be happy.”) When I get a text sent by a male friend to both me and my hubby’s phone inviting us both to dinner, he thinks there’s something fishy going on there with me and the man (and funny enough, I am certain Dad never cheated on Mom.)
He throws cash around as presents, especially to the grandchildren, but even to people the rest of us wouldn’t include (ie. my husband’s brother-in-law’s niece-whom we barely know, my mother’s distant relatives whom no one has met, or my ex who hasn’t talked to him in decades, etc) It seems like a way to get their admiration or attention. He is always writing me in and out of the will, as if he’s the czar of millions. People with personality disorders are very manipulative or odd with gifts.
He has zero friends, but talks all the time about people he knew as a kid. Where are they now? I’ve never met anyone from his childhood other than family- no cards, no messages, nothing. And no one from his life as an adult is close to him. My parents’ friendships came through Mom. I can sadly say, in a crisis, if Dad really needed to call someone and talk, only family is there (and that is only because we are compassionate, forgiving people). But funny enough, when he is in a social setting, he is not shy but wants to talk and entertain and be the center of the party.
He loves to take people to task, often loudly and cruelly. Waitresses, nurses, cashiers all get dressed down and confronted for any perceived mistake. More than one doctor or service provider has hung up on him or yelled back at him. I witnessed this again in just the past two weeks, for Dad had a minor heart procedure. He wanted to tell each doctor and nurse the most irrelevant stuff, starting from the beginning of time…and would get mad if they didn’t let him. His cardiologist snapped at one point, “I need you to just give me quick answers!” so Dad yelled, and the guy walked out.
Interestingly, I found an article, advice for doctors and nurses on how to handle illnesses when the patient also suffers from BPD. The descriptions were my father, to a T. One of piece of advice said something like beware of compliments and ignore criticism. Dad has been tossing the compliments around like confetti, “OH, Nurse, so and so, YOU are my number one.” But when his demands are not met immediately, he acts like a baby. And he keeps insulting me infront of doctors or nurses, applying his faults to me; “She’s stubborn, she has nasty temper.” I can be just standing there silently, and he says this.
He said, to one doctor, “Don’t mind her, she’s very overbearing and headstrong…but in a good way.” I’d had enough, so I said, “There’s no reason to insult me, Dad.” He argued, “Oh, you didn’t hear my compliment. That was a compliment!” The doctor said, “If that was a compliment, it was a backhanded compliment." I could have hugged her.
The worst part of being raised by a BPD? If I report any of this back to him, he will swear none of it is true. Gaslighting is their favorite manipulation, suggesting my perceptions are wrong. Either that, or he is in some sort of fugue when he acts so badly.
How do I deal with all this? Often I don’t. Mom used to be a good buffer, til she developed ALZ and then Dad forced me to go through him, never allowing me to be alone with her. This hurt. Mom and I were very close, and before she lost her mind, we had many discussions about whether she should live with me instead. But BPD men get fixated on their mates, and he saw her as only his, not important to me or my brother or her grandchildren. (He even resented their dogs, because Mom "loved them more.")
Even much younger, if I called to talk to Mom, Dad would rush the phone so I would have to talk to him first. So often I’d wait til she called me first. And now that he is all alone and his son mostly ignores him, My husband and our sons are the only ones really watching out for him. I use as much compassionate thinking as I can and remember that he got this way because he had a rough childhood (and I think the disorder runs in families—I really do.) His father died when Dad was 7. His immigrant mother could not read or write and she was raising 4 young kids by herself. Neglect, food insecurity and possible social rejection made a deep scar. I know that at the bottom of all this, Dad cannot, because of BPS, really ever trust that anyone loves him. So I do what I can, take long breaks, bite my tongue as much as possible, set boundaries, and leave when need to. To help, I come here and read very similar experiences in order to remember, IT’s NOT ME.
But still, with this hospitalizing where he's milking the attention for all it's worth, I want to explode. I'm going to have a stroke if I have to spend this much time with him for much longer. During his surgery I was totally torn, hoping he would die, but very sad that he might. That’s some sucky head space. It was easier when Mom was alive and sane...
Right now, I’m finding him assisted living, but he keeps threatening to rip out his IVs and go home. He can’t. He used to say, whoever took him in when he was old, would get all the money, and I’d say, “Have fun living with my brother.” But of course, none of that is true. I’m so resentful that I’m the one solving his health crisis. But also, in honor of Mom and my childhood, I love him and won’t dump him. I won't let him live with me, but I won't dump him.
Thank you all, for totally understanding this dichotomy. Can you relate? What would you do?
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Text cut off, clutter everywhere and only one visible search result There isn’t even a setting to disable rotation that I can find

Muskoka Ontario

Experience the Best of Muskoka; Activities, for May 24, 2024

Are you excited to embrace all that Muskoka offers on May 24, 2024? Known for its scenery and lively atmosphere Muskoka presents a variety of activities catering to interests. Whether you're a nature lover, a food enthusiast, or an art aficionado there's something awaiting you in Muskoka.

Outdoor Escapades & Nature

Begin your day by immersing yourself in the awe inspiring landscapes of Arrowhead Provincial Park. With its meandering trails serene lakes and verdant forests Arrowhead is a paradise for lovers. Enjoy a hike paddle across the waters or simply revel in the tranquility of nature.
For those craving a boost venture to the Ranney Gorge Suspension Bridge at Ferris Provincial Park. Feel the excitement as you cross the swinging bridge and explore the paths weaving through the gorge.

Culinary Delights & Refreshments

After building up an appetite treat your palate to a journey at the Muskoka 2/4 Craft Beer Festival, in downtown Huntsville. Sample an array of craft beers while taking in the views of the Muskoka River. It's a way to immerse yourself in Muskoka’s culinary and beverage offerings.
Don't miss out on the Poutine Feast events happening in locations, across Ontario including a lineup in Peterborough for a one-of-a-kind culinary adventure. Whether you prefer sticking to favorites or trying out innovative twists these events are bound to satisfy your cravings for this iconic Canadian delicacy.

Cultural Excursions

Immerse yourself in the scene of Muskoka by enjoying an evening filled with live music, theater performances, and artistic showcases at some of the regions well known theaters and performance venues. Let the enchanting melodies and captivating performances transport you to a world.
As day turns into night, join in the Victoria Day weekend celebrations with dazzling fireworks lighting up the sky. It's a display of community unity and happiness.
Satisfy your tooth at the Muskoka Maple Festival, where an abundance of maple syrup treats awaits you offering a glimpse into Muskokas maple syrup heritage.

Sweet Treats & Scenic Cruises

Conclude your day with a boat cruise, along the waters of the Trent Severn Waterway. Sit back and unwind. Take in the views while indulging in a special Mother’s Day brunch experience.
With a range of activities and adventures waiting for you, Muskoka guarantees a May 24th, 2024.
Get yourself ready, for a journey. Prepare to have unforgettable experiences in this captivating area.

Links;

• https://www.discovermuskoka.ca/events-in-muskoka/
• https://huntsvilleadventures.com/
• https://www.todocanada.ca/fun-things-ontario-spring/
• https://www.tripadvisor.ca/Attractions-g499279-Activities-zft11306-Muskoka_District_Ontario.html

jeffreybraun #clarkemuskokarealty #muskokarealestate #muskoka #may24weekend

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Hi to the Assetto Corsa Community,
this is my first post on Reddit and I want to share my work for free.
Weeks ago I found some gameplay videos on YouTube, where a realistic dashcam mod for Assetto Corsa was promoted. To be honest I thought the videos were all fake at first. To prove the fake videos, I investigated further into the modding process and got some unexpected results. I never thought a nearly 10 year old game can look that realistic in the year 2024!
This tutorial will show you step by step what is needed to create a dashcam modification for the sim racing game Assetto Corsa developed by Kunos Simulazioni. Because I researched many hours to get the pieces together, I will try to give away the collected info for free, in the hope that this guide maybe helpful to others.
For the full free tutorial visit https://assetto-corsa-dashcam-mod.sourceforge.io
Video samples:
Bullrun on Highway 201: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1YrkvcVCds
Bullrun on Highway 201
Horizonrun at 05:41: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apoXvpSJz-8
Horizonrun at 05:41
Nightride on Bayside: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjeTWN1_C20
Nightride on Bayside
Greets Kai Schtrom