Finding the perfect bed for your furry friend is no easy task, especially when you're dealing with large breeds that require additional support and space. The Furhaven Orthopedic Dog Bed for Extra Large Dogs aims to solve this problem with its thoughtful design and robust features. This bed is designed specifically for dogs weighing up to 300 lbs, making it an ideal choice for pet owners who want to provide their large dogs with unparalleled comfort and support.
In this post, we will take an in-depth look at the Furhaven Orthopedic Dog Bed, examining its unique features, user experiences, and the importance of orthopedic support for large dogs. By the end, you’ll have a comprehensive understanding of whether this bed is the right fit for your pet.

Detailed Product Review

Orthopedic Features

The Furhaven Orthopedic Dog Bed boasts high-quality foam designed to offer maximum support for your dog's joints and spine. These orthopedic features are particularly crucial for large breeds, which are often prone to joint issues such as hip dysplasia and arthritis. The foam evenly distributes your dog's weight, reducing pressure points and ensuring a restful sleep.
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Material Quality

Crafted from premium materials, this bed features a soft, plush sleeping surface that your dog will love. The mattress itself is made from medical-grade orthopedic foam that retains its shape over time, offering long-lasting support. Additionally, the cover is made from durable, water-resistant fabric, designed to withstand the wear and tear that comes with owning a large dog.

Size Suitability

One of the standout features of this bed is its impressive size. Designed to accommodate dogs up to 300 lbs, it offers ample space for your pet to stretch out comfortably. Whether you have a Great Dane, a Mastiff, or any other large breed, the Furhaven Orthopedic Dog Bed ensures that your dog won't feel cramped.

Practicality

The Furhaven Orthopedic Dog Bed comes with a bonus water-resistant liner and a removable, washable cover, adding to its practicality. Accidents happen, and the water-resistant liner protects the foam from spills and stains, making cleanup a breeze. The removable cover is machine-washable, so you can keep your dog's bed fresh and clean with minimal effort.

Real-Life User Experiences

To provide a well-rounded review, we’ve compiled testimonials from large dog owners who have used the Furhaven Orthopedic Dog Bed:

• Jane D. from Colorado: "My Great Dane, Max, absolutely loves this bed. The orthopedic foam has made a noticeable difference in his mobility, and the size is perfect for him. The washable cover is a lifesaver."
• Tom S. from Texas: "We've tried multiple beds for our Mastiff, and this one is by far the best. The waterproof liner is fantastic for minor accidents, and the bed holds up well against his weight."
• Anna P. from New York: "I was skeptical at first, but the Furhaven Orthopedic Dog Bed exceeded my expectations. Our Saint Bernard sleeps through the night now without any discomfort."

While most reviews are overwhelmingly positive, some users have noted that the bed may be too firm for older dogs with severe arthritis. It’s essential to consider your dog's specific needs when choosing an orthopedic bed.
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How to Choose the Right Bed for Your Dog

Selecting the right bed for your dog goes beyond size; it requires an understanding of your pet’s specific needs and preferences. Here are some tips for choosing the perfect bed:

1. Measure Your Dog: Ensure the bed size matches your dog's length and weight.
2. Consider Your Dog’s Health: For dogs with joint issues, an orthopedic bed is crucial.
3. Evaluate the Material: Look for durable, high-quality materials that are easy to clean.
4. Check for Additional Features: Water-resistant liners and washable covers can add to the bed’s longevity and ease of maintenance.

The Importance of Orthopedic Beds for Large Dogs

Orthopedic beds are not just a luxury; they are a necessity for large dogs. Here’s why:

• Joint Support: Larger breeds are susceptible to joint issues. An orthopedic bed provides the necessary support to reduce pain and discomfort.
• Weight Distribution: Proper weight distribution helps prevent pressure sores and aids in better sleep.
• Overall Well-being: A good night’s sleep is vital for your dog’s overall health, mood, and energy levels.

Conclusion and Recommendation

The Furhaven Orthopedic Dog Bed for Extra Large Dogs stands out as a top choice for pet owners seeking comfort, support, and durability for their large breeds. With its high-quality orthopedic foam, spacious design, and practical features like a water-resistant liner and washable cover, it addresses the unique needs of large dogs effectively.

Final Verdict

• Best Suited For: Large dog breeds up to 300 lbs that need joint support and ample space.
• Where to Purchase: You can find the Furhaven Orthopedic Dog Bed on major online retailers like Amazon, Chewy, and the official Furhaven website.

Have you tried the Furhaven Orthopedic Dog Bed for your large dog? We'd love to hear about your experiences! Share your thoughts in the comments below and join our community of pet enthusiasts. For more pet care tips and product reviews, don't forget to subscribe to our blog and stay updated.
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By focusing on providing value through detailed product insights and practical advice, this blog post aims to help dog owners make informed decisions for their beloved pets while also enhancing SEO and driving traffic to the site.

More misery bird? More misery bird. Really miserymaxxing with these fics I have going, but hey, this one is not that miserable actually! Krekos is back and ready to be dense and downcast, but maybe not quite miserable? Read and see!
Big thank you to NoP community for being great and supportive of my endeavors!
Also, obviously, big thanks to SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe and allowing fanfiction well to flow free!
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Memory transcription subject: Krekos, Krakotl Refugee
Date [standardized human time]: May 6th, 2137
I stare at the foul creature before me. Normally staring at something directly head on like that would be too predatory for me to do, but after nearly dying of bread yesterday, I didn’t feel patient enough to be gentle. The creature stared right back, though in a much more natural, prey-like way, tilting its head slightly as it looked back at me with one eye and let out a long bwok.
“Are you doing this now? Really?”, I ask, knowing full well it cannot respond.
Well, it can, if another bwok it made is any indication. Of course, translators aren’t yet advanced enough to translate non-sapient speech, but the intention behind sound is intuitively clear. It’s telling me to back off. Well, I tried the diplomatic approach at least.
Raising my wing I begin sliding the bird out of its nest, careful to keep any delicate joints out of its reach. It started clucking in upset indignation, struggling back and even trying to peck at me, but after realizing that I will not relent, it hopped out of the box and rushed out of the cattle house, revealing a single dead egg in the nesting box.
With relief, I finally pick up the last egg and head back to leave them at the house. Turns out that while Reginald didn’t forget to both lock them up yesterday and let them out today, he did neglect feeding them both times, as well as collecting the harvest. So when I was driven back here in early morning, the first thing I did was making sure they were taken care of. I can’t say the horrid birds looked in any way hungry, but the moment I poured the feeding grain for them, they attacked it with more viciousness than I’d expect of an actual predator. And yet only thirteen were present at the feeding, as the one that’s usually the target of flock’s ire remained in the cattle house yet again, Reginald leaving it to it, being unaware of its undesirable habit of trying to hatch dead eggs.
With eggs delivered, I flew my way to my usual spot atop the cattle house and could finally relax. The loner beast first made its way to feast on the scraps of the grain that other birds already all have had their fill of, so I wasn’t too concerned. Instead I tried to reflect on the morning I had so far.
Waking up at the hospital did make me momentarily panic before I remembered the precluding events. Not that I could properly panic, feeling the most starved I’ve been my whole life, and too weak to try flying out of the window. Thankfully, the breakfast they provided was actually well made with krakotl needs in mind, algae soup alongside a few slices of bread, this time without any horrid human ideas like putting eggs in there. Eggs! Turns out they put eggs in some kinds of bread! That’s how I got sick! Eggs! The thought of what I consumed even now made me queasy, and it definitely made breakfast a much less appetizing affair than it would have been without that knowledge, but back then the hunger won over the disgust.
Lena did keep her promise and came to pick me up extra early. Her being a staff member at the hospital gave her some extra privilege, I assume, hence why I was released without any forms needing to be filled out personally. She did have important business today too, which probably explained the earlyness and urgency of her driving me back to her house.
That did not mean I escaped her ire, however. While I couldn’t pinpoint anything to identify the man, as Bob was apparently a common name, that offered me bread, we did come to understanding that he was likely either unaware of the nutritional contents of it, or of extent to which the Cure-induced allergy would be affecting a krakotl. Yet, Lena seemed much angrier at me for failing to take any precautions. Turns out that was the purpose of medicinal injectors, epipens as humans call them, that were provided to me. I was supposed to have them on me in case I accidentally ingested contaminated food. Nobody told me that, I was just handed them back when I first received the necessities at the refugee camp and I had no clue what they were for. Then she also berated me for eating random food from strangers and ignoring bad flavors. Turns out that brioche bread isn’t actually bitter at all, and that was my body reacting to an allergen in it. Reaction that I unwisely elected to ignore, to further ire of my host. By the end, several new rules of my stay here were made, including not eating things I don’t know and always having at least one epipen on me. Thankfully, these rules would be ones I’d start following even without them being established, so I won’t have to concern myself with being kicked out over accidentally breaking them.
As if following the rules will be enough to make them like you.
Trying to distract myself from thoughts of yesterday’s incident, I focused my attention on the flock. All birds accounted for, so at least I knew that my absence did not result in the predator coming to snatch one of them. I do not wish to insult my hosts, but Reginald is far from most attentive people in matters unrelated to his job, and I am not sure the birds were watched at all while I was out. Speaking of, my scannings of surrounding treelines revealed no sign of the predator today. Perhaps it departed to hunt elsewhere, or maybe it ventured too close to a more populated area and exterminators dealt with it.
Actually, did human exterminators work similar to Federation ones? I knew for a fact they had them, although they seemed like a market of private organizations if advertisements are anything to judge by. Still, what methods do they use? I know humans oppose fire, and do not believe in predatory taint, but surely they have measures to protect themselves? They are, by self-admission, far from the best natural predator, and I doubt Earth’s non-sapient predators would just leave humans be. Maybe I should call one of those human exterminator agencies and call them in to deal with that predator? I haven’t told Lena or Reginald about it, as I didn’t want to bother them, but it could pose a serious threat to the cattle, but maybe that’s the way I could resolve it without involving them?
I have not done nearly as much research into human culture and lifestyle as I should have, considering that I’ve lived on Earth for over half a year now, but the sheer width of the topic always overwhelmed me the moment I opened internet search app to the point where I just closed it right away.
And you expect to start studying again with that attitude? You’ll flunk out even from this primitive predator education course.
Extra loud call from the flock made me refocus my attention on them, but it was nothing. Just the loner getting pecked extra hard and lashing out against assailants, causing a small aimless stampede as all the birds ran around in circles, puffing up at one another. The assailants now looked a lot more like victims. I could understand those birds more than I could humans at least. The loner bird is clearly an odd one out. It’s the only one repeatedly trying to hatch unfertilized eggs it lays, and it seems to always avoid the rest of the flock. Humans may deny the existence of Predator Disease, but they can’t deny that prey and predator both can and will sometimes behave in unnatural ways that may threaten the herd's safety. Or pack’s, in case of humans. Birds must know on instinctual level that the loner’s behavior is unnatural and are attempting to combat the Predator Disease on instinctual level. And since that is natural, I still will not interfere in this, unless the loner bird actually becomes a threat to others or will start getting too injured. The first time I attempted to pick one of the birds up was the only time for a good reason, as I have learned their viciousness all too well.
DING-DING
The sudden loud ring startled me enough that I nearly tumbled off the roof. Who would be coming over now? Lena and Reginald have left together and shouldn’t be back until afternoon, and they’d never use the bell. That means someone must be here for them. But wouldn’t they warn anyone to not come over? Especially with their plans for today.
With nobody to answer these questions, I had no choice but to go and discover the answer myself, flying up and over the house, towards the entrance gate. The moment I passed the house roof, I already saw a familiar silhouette. It was the human child from a few days ago.
Thankfully, Lena’s insistence on me carrying an epipen at all times meant I also carried my satchel at all times too, so I didn’t have to go grabbing my holopad, and took it out. But before I could even launch the translator TTS app to type out a greeting, the child was already hopping in place with excitement.
“Mr. Krekos! Hi! I came over to visit!”, she exclaimed, showing off her teeth in an unnerving expression of human joy. I simply tried to avoid that and focused on the pad, typing out my response.
“Hello, Rosie. Why are you here?”
The question was genuine, as the child was not carrying any more of that honey substance from last time.
“I just came over to visit you! Is that okay? Are Mr. and Ms. Vince okay with it?”
Visit... me? Why? While I was confused, I did instinctively type out a reply.
“They did tell me visitors are allowed as long as there’s no trouble when I first moved in.”
And before I could type a followup message asking her why she’s here, she already let out a joyous roar and ran past me.
“Can I see the chickens?”, she asked, and not waiting for an answer, rushed past the house and towards the cattle yard.
“Wait! You’ll scare them!”, I yell after her, but of course without a translator she can’t understand me as she runs like she already knows where to go.
And indeed she has, quickly rushing up to the open field where the birds were grazing. Thankfully she didn’t start chasing them, instead just approaching the flock from a distance and swaying in place, watching them with what I assume was some sort of predatory excitement at the sight of prey. Maybe that’s where the contained hunting instinct of human children showed themselves? In chasing small birds? I was still more subdued, considering she stopped shy of causing a small stampede, but still.
“Grandpa used to take me with him! He helped watch this farm until Mr. and Ms. Vince moved in. I like chickens! I think they’re cute.”, the child told me innocently as she kept swaying and watching as the beasts grazed upon insects of the pasture.
That revelation was... interesting. I suppose it makes sense that between the original owner of this land dying in the bombings and Lena and Reginald moving in, it would be unattended. With nobody to feed and watch over those things, they would be long dead for sure. And it was Rosie’s grandfather... Speaking of. I typed out my words.
“Does your grandfather know you’re here?”
She seemed to get a weird look as she stopped her excited swaying, fiddling with her hands instead. Looks like I asked the correct question.
“...he knows I am out visiting neighbors.”
That did not answer my question. I squinted at the human child, and she dipped her head as she continued.
“...he doesn’t know I’m here specifically. Or that an alien even lives here...”, she explained, her tone suddenly more sullen.
I couldn’t help but squint at that, and it appears that my expression was readable enough that even a human could see the suspicion, as she continued.
“I’m sorry... But if I told grandpa, he’d tell me I’m forbidden from talking to you, like he forbade me from talking to hedgehog people in town... But I want to talk to you! You’re nice and you’re a space bird!”
The child was actually working around the rules established by her guardian to come see me. I don’t know if I should be glad or concerned. Clearly, the man is anti-alien in his opinions, and I’d rather that kind of man not know about how close he lives to one. At the same time, I’d rather not encourage a child for lying to their guardian in order to meet a stranger they know they aren’t allowed to interact with... So I just took the middle path with my next message.
“I see. What did you want to talk to me about then?”, TTS speaks for me.
Her stiffened body language disappears, replaced again with earlier excitement.
“I wanna know more about space! And aliens! It’s all so cool but grandpa says it’s all dangerous because mom and dad died. But it’s not! The hedgehog people were nice, and you’re nice too!”
I wasn’t sure about that logic, but my self-preservation told me I shouldn’t try convincing her to go confessing. Instead I focused more on her chosen topic.
“I am not sure I am the best person to ask about space. I am not a scientist or traveler.”
“But you’re from there! You know way more than me. I don’t even know what you are called. And there’s gotta be cool things out in space!”
I let out a sigh. I suppose it’s childlike curiosity at its finest. So unfamiliar with mundane that it is a wonder. I remember being like that about becoming a doctor.
And then you let your teacher die.
I quickly tapped on the pad.
“Okay, I can answer questions, but I may not know everything.”
The noise that came out of the girl was like a squeal of a panicked dossur as she started hopping and spinning in place.
“Yes! Yes! Thank you, Mr. Krekos!” Sudden movement did cause me to recoil a bit, which in turn caused her to cease her happy flailing and adjust her little dress. “I dunno where to start though... Hm... What are you?”
...for all my trepidation about not knowing answers, I should have anticipated that the questions she asks will be rather age-appropriate and on the same level as we learn in our first school classes. At least I won’t disappoint her then.
“I am from a species called ‘krakotl’. We’re avians, as is obvious. Our home is...” dead, gone, reduced to glass and ash by our own hubris “...was Nishtal. A beautiful planet...”
Thankfully she did not question my hesitant pause. Instead she just nodded along.
“What about the hedgehog people? I already know venlil, but they’re the only ones I know name of.”
Hedgehog people in town she mentioned earlier. The only species I could think of that could be seen there would be the gojid. I have no clue what hedgehogs are, but probably some creature with visible similarity to them.
“They are called ‘gojid’, and they’re from gojid Cradle. Both of our species are... well, used to be known for our might and protecting other species of Federation.”
I am not sure if that’s something to brag about, considering... everything. But I didn’t want this child to get brought down with depressing regrets of our species. Let her know something nicer instead. She clearly lost a lot, but there’s still joy left in her. I wouldn’t want to be the one to ruin that.
“Cool! What about other people? I wanna know more!”
And so I went on, telling her about various species, although I mostly focused on ones in this new human-led union, only mentioning kolshians and farsul beyond that. It’s weird explaining to a child what a tilfish or a harchen looks like, but thankfully my holopad isn’t just a method of communicating with implant-less children. With access to interstellar web, I could easily pull up pictures of various alien species to show to her, even if she struggled to believe that some of them were even sapient purely based off of looks. With how varied species in Federation are, and how some of us admittedly aren’t too far physiologically from our more primal ancestors.
Among other topics, she asked me to tell her interesting things, which I didn’t know much of. I told her about Venlil Prime’s tidally locked status, a rarity among habitable planets, much less homeworlds for species. I told her about the unique architecture of Mileau, designed to accommodate both species of regular size and dossur themselves. I told her about Colia medical academies, some of the most beautiful medical facilities in the galaxy.
I wish I was more well-travelled, but I just wasn’t. My whole life, I never left Nishtal until the extermination fleet took me despite my protests. That may have been what saved my life...
Not that I, of all people, deserved it...
“Hey! Stop that!”
I flinched as I heard the child yell, but quickly realized that it wasn’t directed at me. Instead, Rosie was rushing down towards the chicken flock, breaking up the fight in which the loner was being pecked by a few larger chickens. As the human child approached, the birds stopped their infighting and scattered in different directions, crowing in loud panic and discontent. On instinct, I found myself rushing towards the child, forgetting about translation entirely.
“What are you doing?! Don’t touch them!”
I didn’t want her to hurt the cattle accidentally, and I didn’t want her to get hurt by the angry birds in return. But, it seems like the moment the birds scattered, she was satisfied with her actions and turned back to me, wearing another one of her happy smiles.
“Sorry, Mr. Krekos, I just saw chickens being mean. Bad chickens.” She explained.
I was baffled. Why would she interfere like that? When I tried that back when I was just starting, that got me pecked! But with her, the birds just scattered. What if they pecked her?
I took the pad out again and started typing quickly.
“That was dangerous. Why did you do that? What if they attacked you? Why are you even interfering in their natural dynamics?”, questions flowed out of my pad with an artificial human voice.
The girl simply giggled.
“They’re chickens! They aren’t dangerous. They don’t peck that painful and I’ve been scratched worse before. And I have to stop it because bullying is wrong.”
Then she actually noticed that the one that was being attacked wandered close. She casually approached it from behind, the blind spot and just reached down and grabbed it, picking the bird up. I was ready to rush to help the bird when...
“Mwah! There, all better.”
She did a human ‘kiss’ on the back of the cattle bird’s neck before releasing it, the surprise of it causing it to rush off. I knew what kisses were, I’ve seen enough of them between Lena and Reginald, but I believed they were gestures of intimate affection, not... what was even that?
It seems Rosie noticed my confusion as she explained.
“You gotta kiss it so it heals better! That’s what mom taught me.” The child displayed that smile of hers shamelessly. With how much I was being exposed to it, it almost wasn’t unnerving anymore. Still, it was interesting to learn that kisses are seen as something that helps wounds. I guess some species do have saliva with mild antiseptic properties, wouldn’t be too out there to assume humans are the same. And if that’s the case, maybe that’s how the kissing tradition started? Exchange of protective fluid between lovers?
“I see. I did not know that.” I responded before letting my puffed feathers relax. Okay, this whole ‘watching a human child’ thing is turning out to somehow be even more stressful than I expected at first.
“Wait, Mr. Krekos, what time is it?” She suddenly asked, looking up at the sky.
“It’s nearly twelve.” I respond, holopad having a convenient clock for local time.
“Oh no! I need to be home soon! Was nice seeing you Mr. Krekos gotta go bye!”
Before I had even a chance at typing out an answer or my own goodbye, the child sprinted away and back towards the entrance. I had to take flight just to keep up, and even then she just turned around, waved her arm at me and then kept sprinting down the road after leaving the gate. I simply offered a small wave of a wing back before locking the gate again. I suppose it is hard to keep track of time without a device or clock nearby...
Well, at least I had the usual peace and quiet now. And learned a bit more about the creatures I was in charge of. I should really try to deal with my aversion to looking things up on the human internet...
Just as I was about to head back out towards the yard, I heard a loud car horn, a familiar one, getting my attention. Lena’s car. There they were, signaling me, probably having spotted me at the gate from afar. Deciding to make use of my presence here, and hoping to avoid needing to explain that I had a surprise visitor earlier, I went ahead and opened the large gate, allowing the car to enter.
Once it was parked in the usual space, the doors opened and three people came out. Lena and Reginald were both looking a bit disheveled, but their faces carried these smiles that seemed wider than ever before. And third person... Was a stranger. A human I knew of, but never actually met. As he exited the car, a large bag in one hand, he just stared at me, standing in the front yard...
“...okay, I expected many things when I was told you guys housed a refugee, but not this.”
Oh no. Oh no, he was not one of the ones that was willing to overlook an invader that partook in bombing of his planet being allowed to walk free, of course, Lena and Reginald were the weird ones like that, doesn’t mean their son won’t be... I felt the panic rising as I realized I’d need to return to the camp. Why was I upset about that? This was supposed to just have been a way to make money, but now I have a free education program. Do I need to stay? No, but... Why?! Why do I not want to leave?
“Ken, you said it’s going to be alright no matter what it is, right? Wanted us to keep it a surprise to meet a new friend?” Lena’s voice. She should have told him, that’d give me time to prepare why didn’t they give me time why.
“No, no problems, just, really surprised, that’s all... uh... hey, buddy, you okay? You’re really... trembly.”
He was approaching me, and instinct took over as I recoiled, before stuttering out my answer.
“I-I’m fine...”
...thankfully translators don’t translate voice cracks. I hope, at least...
“Hey, relax... I have no problem with you being a krakotl, I just didn’t think...” He looks over at Lena and Reginald. “Calm down... I can wear my visor if you want?”
Right. Those things humans use to hide their scary faces from us.
“I... I’m good...”
Why would it last? It almost felt good after all.
There was some emotion I struggled to read on the young human’s face, as he sighed and shook his head.
“I screwed this up, I’m sorry. Let... Let me try again.” He straightened out, and adjusted his clothing, before slowly approaching me and giving me a small smile, no teeth showing. “Hello. My name is Kenneth Vince and I'm son of Lena and Reginald Vince. I was told you’re a refugee they took in to help out. It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?”
That... snapped me out of it. Right... He was... not upset at my existence. He was just very surprised that Lena and Reginald weren’t. That’s a reasonable thing to be surprised about, considering I was surprised about it to this day. I tried to compose myself as I responded.
“My name is Krekos. I live here as... hired help with the cattle. It’s... nice to meet you?”
The smile on Kenneth’s face widens, though he still refrains from showing his teeth. Instead, he extends a hand towards me. A handshake is a human gesture that I found far from comfortable, but I didn’t want to give him a reason to change his mind on acceptability of my existence, so I took it with a wingclaw. He gently took it and held for a few seconds before letting go and sighing again, turning to his parents.
“You know, I always thought you guys would be empty nesters, but I never thought it’d be that literal.”
That got all three of them laughing, as I just tilted my head in confusion. I was fairly sure there were no empty nests in the house until after I adjusted the attic room for my own accommodations. Still, I took the laughter as a sign that the tense moment had fully passed and let my ruffled feathers slowly rest.
“Let’s head inside. Krekos, we’re having dinner, you’re welcome to join us.” Reginald said, picking up Kenneth’s bag. I tilted my head a little and he followed up with elaboration. “We will be having meat... But there’s still going to be stuff you can eat too. It’s a celebration, so I prepared a bit of everything.”
“Dad, you shouldn’t have!” Kenneth responded with embarrassment.
“None of that! Our son returned from the war, alive and a hero, and we can have a celebration. Krekos, I know you’re still... uncertain about meat so you don’t—”
“I’ll join.”
Wait, who said that? And why did they say that in my voice?
Wait, that was me. Why did I say that?
“That’s great to hear! I’ve got some nice steamed broccoli and some vegetarian fried rice as sides that you’ll enjoy!” Reginald smiled at me and I felt myself shrinking into my feathers. That the humans didn’t notice at least, proceeding into the house instead.
Well, looks like I signed my warrant. At least my bag and my epipen were on me in case something at the table triggers the allergy again. Would be rather unfortunate to have it happen two days in a row.
And that’s how, in just ten or so minutes, I found myself sitting at the dining perch, while humans took seats in chairs, all consuming chunks of roasted flesh and somehow managing to also stuff pieces of equally roasted plants in, and converse with one another. You wouldn’t be able to tell on first look, but despite their mouths being relatively small, especially for a predator, it seems they compensate for it by having those be near bottomless in both hunger and small talk.
I am not sure how I managed to shift my focus away from them consuming animal matter in front of me, however vat grown it might have been, and onto their conversation instead, but I succeeded. I suppose that was just part of me going native around predators. Soon, I’ll be the one feasting along with them before I know it, and snacking on those epipens to not die of it.
Like you could ever be on the same level as humans.
“So, Fahl? That’s where you were sent after the Battle of Earth?” Lena asked.
“Yeah. From what I heard, we got a light posting compared to guys at Sillis or Mileau. The most I had to deal with was some exterminator insurgents.”
That’s right. Since harchen participated in the Extermination Fleet, they were one of those who were occupied by humans during the war. It makes sense that there was at least some ground resistance.
“Honestly, the worst thing out there was the heat. Not the flamethrower kind, the climate. The place was so damn dry and hot. At least exterminators you could subdue or evade. Not so much with the scorching sun!”
I couldn’t resist a small chuckle at the idea of a predator being more afraid of hot weather than flamethrowers as I slowly pecked at the vegetables on my plate. Thankfully it was set far enough aside from any meat dishes that no contamination should occur, but I was still examining pieces before putting them in my mouth just in case.
Seems like reacting was a mistake though, as that brought Kenneth’s attention onto me. He finished chewing latest piece of flesh and pointed a fork at me.
“So, Krekos... Where are you from? Cradle was my guess, but I do know there were refugees from other places like Sillis too.”
That’s a weird question. Isn’t it kind of to be expected for a krakotl to be from our actual homeworld?”
“I’m from Nishtal.”
“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Kenneth chuckled, tossing a piece of broccoli into his mouth and swallowing before continuing, “I meant, where did you live? I kind of assumed you were born there, but it’s not like Nishtal had a chance to send refugees out, and if they did, this is the last place they’d be.”
Oh... I caught concerned looks of Lena and Reginald, looking between me and Kenneth from both sides. Not only did they not make him aware that I was a krakotl, they also neglected to mention just how I came by my refugee status... Which was just a legal workaround to grant me asylum without unnecessary complications or establishing undesirable precedent. Legally, I may be a refugee, but practically... I am a defector. Lena and Reginald know that, I told them my story before. And while they were weirdly accepting, Kenneth... Fought extermination fleet here on Earth. Personally.
Still, I wasn’t about to lie. It took a few moments and gathering mental strength to steel myself, and averting my eyes, focusing on the plate of warm vegetables in front of me rather than the human’s anticipating stare before I answered.
“I did live on Nishtal. I... I came with the extermination fleet.” I responded, doing my best to avoid looking at him. I did not want to witness his reaction, for some reason the thought of seeing it weighed heavy on my mind.
“Oh.”
The response was simple, and had no followup. There was no more clinking of cutlery against plates, or chewing. The only thing hanging in the air of the kitchen was silence, weighing down on me. It dragged on and on... until it just got so unbearable I couldn’t take it.
“I-I’m full... Thank you for the meal.” I quickly said, hopping off the perch and stepping out of the kitchen, quickly making my way to the yard and taking flight.
Fresh air of the outside and rush of it as I flew up and gained speed... I missed that. I knew it’s not safe to just fly over other people’s territory, so I corrected my course into doing large sweeping circles over the cattle yard and simply let my wings carry me.
Flying away from any danger is the only thing I’m good for anyway. The only thing I ever do.
I closed my eyes. With them closed and not focusing on my angle it feels like I’m actually flying away from all the troubles. Away from humans who barely tolerate my existence, away from gojid who see me as worse than a predator, away from Earth and all its incorrigible customs, away from horrid cattle, away from constant memories...
Flying feels nice. It may be a bit harder than it was home, but it’s still possible. I heard that on Venlil Prime or Mileau it’s much harder. But here? Just an extra flap of wings for every few paces and you’re just fine, free to soar the skies...
Alone. With no one to ever share it with me again.
Slowly I let my eyes open back to the bleak reality. Greenery of surrounding pastures and woods, bright blue skies and farmhouses dotted about here and there greeted me. I lowered my gaze down, focusing on what’s below. There they were, fourteen brown and black dots spread around the enclosed portion of the farm territory. I am not sure how much time I’ve spent flying in circles and trying to forget things but my wings were feeling a tad sore. Then as I just began slow descent, in same circular motion, I noticed that one of the birds, a familiar one, was being chased by several others. Recounting the morning, I tried putting the knowledge to action, and shifted direction of descent, swooping down. To my surprise, that actually worked, as the moment I got close to the ground, the cattle birds all got much louder and scattered in all directions, including the loner. Who, at least this time, got off unharmed. I suppose such pathetic flightless creatures would fear a flying one much more than they would when I just run up to them...
Swooping at them from the sky like a predator to intimidate them into behaving... Like an arxur warden.
With the fight preemptively broken up, I flutter up to the roof of the cattle house, to my usual position and rested my wings. I didn’t see any movement from the direction of the house, so I suppose the family is still busy unpacking. Since Kenneth joined the military just before the Battle of Earth, and Lena and Reginald only moved here after their actual house in city of New York got destroyed, it’d be the first time the human is seeing what is basically his new home. There was a room set aside for him since before I even moved in, and while there is also a guest room... That one did not have a large enough window to fit through, which did not feel comfortable. So when I asked for a space with a bigger window they only had an attic to offer. They seemed uncomfortable letting me live in a tiny room with slanted roof, but I found such space more comforting than I would have a large room with a window not large enough to fit even one fully spread wing through.
I wonder if Kenneth will need as much renovation as I did? The house is built for humans, but he never lived there before. Will he need to buy a more comfortable bed? Getting a proper nesting setup in place of a bed took a bit of effort, but I figured something out. Human sheets were comfortable enough for such, and sitting perches were thankfully not that hard to get thanks to help from the refugee administration. Maybe that’s the things that Lena went to buy yesterday? Kenneth’s preferred room decor?
I looked up to the sky to see the sun beginning to dim. I am not sure if it was me flying that long, or me losing track of time in my thoughts again, but the sun was beginning to set. I began my usual chores, putting out an evening meal and water for the beasts, and while they feasted, ate some myself. I was a bit hungry, having not properly finished lunch and about to skip dinner, but after the earlier conversation, I’d really rather avoid giving them the opportunity to talk to me.
After the birds had their fill, and by that I mean they emptied the tray as they always do, I let out the call, and they started funneling into the cattle house. The lonely straggler being first to go and hop into its nesting box. I bet tomorrow I will have trouble with getting her out of there again...
I took the moment to gather some eggs the birds left over course of the day, and once that was over and all of them were accounted for, I closed it up. When I flew down over to the house, there wasn’t anyone by the back door thankfully, so I just left eggs there, returned the basket, and returned to my room through the window.
Well, at least I didn’t get nearly killed today... That’s nice I guess?
I was about to check my holopad when there was a knock on the door. I approached and opened it to see... Kenneth. Standing in the doorway.
“Uh, hi, Krekos. I just, uh... Wanted to apologize again. I really wish mom and dad told me everything ahead of time... I just want you to know, I have no problems with you whatsoever, yeah? It’s just. Surprising, I guess, to hear all that. I didn’t think there were any defectors from the fleet at all... Just. Uh, please don’t worry about me?” He offered me a small smile, showing his canines before quickly correcting himself and doing a closed-lip one. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories or make you feel unwelcome.”
I had to take a moment to contemplate his words. Was Lena and Reginald’s weirdness hereditary? He almost reminded me of how Reginald talked to me early on, with constant stumbling over the words, as well as constant reassurances that he is fine with me being here. Couple that with failing to avoid predatory mannerisms like eye contact and smiles like Lena tends to and you get this human. But most importantly and least understandably, there was the general fact of him and them just... welcoming me. I couldn’t understand why. I should be one sorry to them.
“N-No, it’s fine... I’m sorry for... intruding on you and your family.”
“No, no, dude, you’re fine! I mean, hell, I was considering entering one of those exchange programs before the bombings happened, and even after, well, I did my best at Fahl to be the perfect friendly soldier just there to make sure no more bombs drop on my home and not kill or conquer anyone. And then mom told me your story, and I can’t believe it... Just... If you have any issues, feel free to tell me. I’m not one of those racist pricks that are too pussy to even call themselves HF anymore because they know they’ll get their teeth knocked. I get that there aren't good or bad species, just people. And you seem like a decent guy if mom and dad’s judgment is to be trusted.” His smile widened, though it was clear from tension on his face that he had to take conscious effort to keep teeth hidden. “So, what I said earlier stands. Friends, right?”
He extends hand forward, for a second time today. I wasn’t sure if I knew this human long enough to call him a friend... Any human really. But it also seems like human definition of ‘friends’ is anyone they’re cordial and peaceful with. Which is weird. You’d think translators would properly use ‘acquaintance’ for that.
Still... We will be living in the same house now. I can’t just say no, and... I can’t come up with a reason to say no. Even him being a predator and a human is not something I could really say I object to, considering how... mundane that became to me over my time here.
So, with naught on my mind but acceptance of the situation, I extended my wing and grasped his hand with my claw. This time he actually gripped it tightly and moved it up and down, as I saw other humans do occasionally.
“Yeah... I guess that’d be for the best.” I responded, shrugging off the hesitation. Fresh start for a third time, I guess?
The human grinned, forgetting to hide his teeth entirely, but I was ready for it somehow and avoided outwardly reacting.
“Cool! Anyway, I’ll try to get some shuteye early, I couldn’t sleep on the overnight flight home. See ya!”
And with that he left. Well... That meeting went well I suppose?
I returned to my nest and picked up my holopad, returning to what I was doing. And there it was, something I awaited every day. A notification that I was messaged on mailing app. Opening the letter revealed the schedule for the study program. Which... only had one day marked on it. And a note that the rest of it will be figured out ‘as we go from there’. So it’s not a schedule, it’s just a mark for the day of the first meeting.
While a bit underwhelming, it was still exciting. It would be an all-alien class so I wouldn’t have to deal with humans’ incomprehensibility nearly as much, and it would allow me to finally return to pursuing what I actually dreamt of. Even if I wasn’t entirely sure that was precisely what I wanted after everything that happened, it was at least something for me to move towards.
...just two days until start. I wonder if there’s some required reading to prepare?
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Suzanne thought it was absolutely brilliant of me to put books on a flash drive for Sun. She explained that Sun wasn’t as sophant (her word, not mine) as she might seem, more of a repository of information, but she was fairly intelligent. It was how she was able to connect Andrew being in pain to the fact that I was friends with Andrew, and that I would want to know that he was in trouble. Apparently some of Sun’s species had given some ‘wisdom’ to others in the past and it had made its way into mythology.
The key fact was that she was not smart enough to protect herself and her kind from the clever, organized poachers. With that information in mind, it was fascinating for me to think of how Sun took in and organized what she learned. It was almost as if she was a walking, talking library.
On the topic of tours, my first one went wonderfully, and I’m almost hoping Suzanne lets me do more of them. I know not all the tourists are going to be as awesome as these people were, but Suzanne gave me a lot of slack when it comes to dealing with them. She actually said that being a smartass is not grounds for dismissal, and that if I’m sarcastic or facetious to guests who are being ‘daft’ and they complain, she really doesn’t care. Is this the perfect job for me or what?
There were four guests in this party, two adults who were sisters and two children of one of the women, brothers aged thirteen and seventeen. The tour was a birthday gift for the older of the boys from his aunt, since apparently he was passionate about animal protection and conservation.
When they arrived at the front gate, I was sitting at Andrew’s desk, going over the booklet of information one last time. When the visitors pressed the button that sounded the alert buzzer, I tucked away in a drawer and let them in. I did have a cheat sheet with information about the animals on my phone just in case, a brief notation of each of them and which enclosure they were in, but I really didn’t need to use it.
Exiting through the front door, I saw them walk up the path toward me. “Hi, I’m Ripley,” I said, holding out a hand toward the woman closest to me.
She shook it firmly. “I’m Denise. This is my sister Carla and my nephews, Wesley and Jason,” she said, motioning to each of them in turn.
“I heard it’s your birthday,” I said to Wesley, giving him a smile. “You’re interested in animal conversation?”
“Back where we live, yeah,” he said, nodding. “The animals that you’ve got here are incredible. I can’t wait to see them.”
“Well, I can’t wait to show them to you,” I said. “Right this way.”
I led them on the path around the building, toward enclosure one. Despite the horrific memories of the animal killing Stanley’s friends, I knew it was just an animal, and I had to push past my feelings on what had happened. Keeping a small smile on my face, I motioned to the enclosure. “Fiercely territorial and amazing hunters, despite their large size, they’re arboreal and known to dart from tree to tree with barely a sound. This is one of only about two thousand left in existence.”
“Two thousand, three hundred and fifty six at last count,” spoke Wesley, his eyes on the trees.
I blinked, surprised and impressed. “Well that was fantastic. Do you plan on stealing my job when you graduate?”
Wesley looked at me with a grin. “Nah, everyone knows Suzanne only offers humans this gig. And I want to help animals like this one get off the endangered species list. The zoos are great for awareness and fundraising, but then the money has to go somewhere. I want to be doing the real work.”
“That’s really great,” I told him. “I wish you all the best in that career path.” At that, we saw the animal climb down from the tree, wandering a few yards from the tree line. This was because 90% of the time, when humans were at their enclosure and making noise, whether it was speaking to each other or calling out to the animal, it was someone bringing them prey to eat. Or, in my case, enrichment toys to play with.
“Whoa,” Wesley whispered.
“How close can we get?” spoke up Jason.
“The warding starts at the fence,” I told him with a small gesture. “So, just there.”
Both boys wandered closer and I glanced at their parents. It seemed that Suzanne’s zoo had a serious reputation for high quality invisible walls, because they didn’t look worried in the slightest about the boys being hurt or killed.
“They prefer dense forest as their home and have been known to make their nests in trees up to twenty meter in the air,” I continued. “And when hunting, they’ve been seen dropping eight meters straight down. They have incredibly dense yet flexible musculature, which allows them to tackle their prey without injuring themselves.”
There was more information about the animal that I continued to rattle off, though Wesley chimed in at certain points with the info I was about to convey. That was highly entertaining and very cool. When I’d been in school, I’d never met anyone who had my level of passion about endangered animals. I wondered if things were better where these folks came from, but realized that considering there were so few of these animals left, I guessed not.
The animal paced a little bit, seemingly waiting to see if we were the kind of humans that came bearing food, before deciding we weren’t and climbing back up into the trees as easily as I would climb some stairs.
As we moved onto enclosure two, Jason spoke up. “Are there any animals here we can touch or feed or something?”
I sighed inwardly before slowing to a stop. “Well, can you show me your hands?” Jason looked bemused, holding out his hands. “I mean…they both look like they’re in great shape. You can stand to lose one.”
The two women chuckled and Wesley smirked as Jason shoved his hands into his pockets. “Very funny.”
Grinning, I started walking again. “The animals here are all carnivores and all predators. You get to see them, but that’s it.”
“Alright.”
When we reached enclosure two, I started on my next spiel. “We’ve got three reanimated dead in this enclosure,” I spoke. They were just coming out from the trees as we arrived, presumably having heard our approach. “Marissa, Connor, and Bradley. They were donated by families who knew where they would be exhibited. Their next of kin, whoever they are, can’t stand the idea of putting them down. But we need to make sure they don’t have access to corpses, because one of them plus one corpse equals two of them.”
“They eat flesh though, don’t they?” Wesley asked.
I nodded. “Oh, yeah, but it’s from bodies that have already been dismembered. There’s no chance of them being affected by the transformation because it’s all parts.”
“Oh, got it.”
The creatures with blueish-white skin had superhuman strength, which is why they qualified for the security of Suzanne’s zoo. They also were likely the source of any Earth tales of people being brought back to life as zombies, specifically draugr, according to my research. They smelled like rotting flesh, so even as I kept talking about them and giving a background to the people they used to be, we were quick to move on once Wesley had gotten a good, long look at them.
“Enclosure four’s animal is a vampiric spirit. He’s a small, hairy humanoid creature with pointed ears. He wears a hat, and if he somehow loses it, he freaks out,” I said.
“They eat horses,” Wesley noted. “Also anything that gives them the chance to sit on it, usually catching them by surprise while they’re sleeping.”
The creature came out from the brush, giving us a suspicious look. He wasn’t in his humanoid form though; for some reason, he’d chosen to shapeshift to a dog.
I nodded. “Yep, indeed. Once the prey is dead, then he’ll eat it, and he has a voracious appetite. We have two wolves and two bears in the forest, which is one of the reasons I’ve got some self-defense items,” I said, patting my belt where my pepper spray (rated for bear) and my taser. “But the wards keep them out of this area of the zoo, so it’s really not much of a worry. It’s also a known shapeshifter, preferring the form of a dog, as you can see, as well as a cat, a snake, or even white butterflies, though the last one is rare.”
“The white butterflies are supposed to be a sign of good luck,” Wesley said, glancing to me. “Too bad we got the dog.”
“Yeah, otherwise you might be able to talk your mom into getting scratch-offs on your way home, huh?”
Wesley smirked at me.
The next enclosure was Spike, and he was waiting for us, dripping wet from having just emerged from the lake. I gave the introductory information about him, which included his propensity for eating animal eyes, nails, and teeth. “Recently, I’ve given him some enrichment activities, and I learned he likes artichokes, pecans, and hazelnuts,” I said, taking a bag out from my cargo shorts. “Wesley, do you want to toss this bag into the enclosure?”
The boy’s eyes widened and he nodded excitedly. He took a look into the paper bag before wrapping down the top to make sure nothing would fly out. Then he chucked it underhand past the fence. It landed a few yards from Spike, who waddled over to it quickly and tearing the bag open, spilling out the prizes inside. As the animal ate the pecans and hazelnuts, Wesley asked, “How’d you figure out he likes those?”
“It’s not all about taste,” I told him. “It’s mainly the difficulty of getting them out of the shells. He’s used to having to work for the parts of his prey he likes the most, so this mimics that activity, and he enjoys the process. I tried a bunch of different foods to find a few he liked.”
“Cool,” Wesley murmured, staring at him.
We watched Spike eat until he’d finished and then he went back into the woods, leaving us to move onto enclosure five. Japanese camellia were plentiful here, a type of pink flower, and that was because they grew anywhere near one of his species made their den. “This girl spends most of her time in the lake also,” I said, as the creature made its way toward the fence separating us from it. “But as you can see, she’s just as curious as the rest about what we’re doing here and whether we have food for her. She eats fish mostly, but she also regularly gets live prey.”
This creature was a spider-like monster, having six legs with long claws on each, and the head of an ox with two sharp horns. She was capable of shapeshifting to look like a human, but I guessed that she wasn’t fond of it, since I hadn’t yet seen her in that form.
“She prefers the easy way of catching prey, so to speak, by hiding in the lake and pouncing when something comes for a drink of water,” I explained. “Apparently humans are some of her favorite prey. She has an advantage of being able to spit poison, which often hits her prey in the eyes. But it’s usually used in defense rather than offense, since it secretes a limited amount.”
“What kind of animal would even go after something like this?” Jason asked, staring at her.
“Never discount one of its own species when you’re thinking about what might attack an animal,” I replied. “There are places that are breeding all of the animals here, but competition for mates is common. That means an advantage in a fight, like poison or venom, can make or break who the winner is.”
“Ah, gotcha.”
“It can’t spit past the warding, right?” Carla suddenly asked.
“Oh, no,” I assured her. “We’re fine. The wards wouldn’t let anything cross over.” She nodded, appeased.
The animal in enclosure six was the ginormous seal-hippo, Fiona, and she was looking at us as if she was imagining sprinkling us with herbs and spices and stuffing us in an oven. “This girl is one animal I’m going to work on enrichment activities for next,” I told them. “She prefers to feed on crayfish, though she’s happy to eat any humans that wander into her territory. She’ll even make a sound like a baby crying to reel us in. I’ve heard it a bunch of times.”
“Can you get her to make the sound?” Jason asked, perking up.
I grinned. “Not on command, sorry.”
“What enrichment are you thinking of trying?” Wesley asked.
“Possibly food placed in puzzle feeders,” I told him, “since she has claws that are pretty dexterous. Maybe a piñata made out of newspaper with flour inside, or a scarecrow that mimics a human.”
“Awesome,” he muttered.
After a little more educational tidbits, we moved onto Yui’s enclosure. “What is that?” Wesley asked, smiling.
“I got Yui the closest thing I could to a ping-pong ball,” I replied. “She quite likes it.”
“That’s so funny,” he said as she came out of the trees in her spider form. “I mean, the idea of her being a bloodthirsty hunter who seduces men to their deaths and eats them alive, but then on the other hand, she likes playing with something like this.”
“It is a little funny,” I agreed. “But when it comes down to it, all the animals here enjoy activities besides hunting.”
“She can shapeshift to look human, right?” asked Jason, trying to be casual about knowing something factual like his nerdy brother.
I nodded. “She looks like a woman from a region of Earth called Japan. And she’ll use strategies like holding out a hand to shake to get you closer. She tried that on me when I first got here but, as you can see,” I said, holding up my hands and waving them, “I didn’t fall for it.”
The boys both laughed as they got closer to the fence, watching her slowly pace near the trees.
Next was Sun, but she didn’t make an appearance as I spoke about her species. “Well…unfortunately we can’t guarantee that every animal comes out to say hi,” I sighed. “But…oh wait, here she is.”
The green lion with several horns and many eyes along her flank came out from the forest. “Hello,” she spoke.
“Hi, Sun,” I replied. “We have visitors.”
“What’s that?” Wesley asked suddenly, pointing at the small plastic bag that was still where I’d left it.
“Oh! That is Sun’s enrichment,” I said with a smile. “I put dozens of books on a flash drive and found that she can read them just like she’d read a shelf of books.”
Wesley’s eyes widened. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve read about anyone trying that before. That’s really cool.”
“The books are new and interesting,” Sun spoke, drawing our attention. “I’m grateful for them.”
I nodded to her. “You’re quite welcome.”
The next animal, unfortunately, wasn’t there, and we waited around for ten minutes as we discussed him. He was large and reptile-like with red eyes, with its hind legs and tail making him look vaguely like a kangaroo. Then, enclosure ten was a terrifyingly disturbing creature, the not-a-centaur with no skin, that I’d only seen a few times while walking my route. It gave a good demonstration of its ferocity, showing its sharp teeth and snapping at us a few times.
“I’m thinking of trying salt licks and other horse enrichment like a big bouncy ball,” I told Wesley, whose eyebrows went up at that. “Maybe give him more things to forage like scattered grains or a box filled with pinecones and seeds. Foraging is a huge part of a horse’s life in the wild, and humans have to do a lot of activities like that to keep pet horses busy. Of course, he also loves the little salt-water lake that was built for him.”
We spent some time looking at the animal before moving past our last stop, the empty enclosure of the animal was stolen. Carla glanced at me with a sad smile, knowing what had happened, it seemed. I gave her a nod as we continued on our way, walking into the office. “So, I hope everyone enjoyed themselves!” I said with a smile.
“That was the coolest birthday present I’ve ever gotten,” Wesley said, looking to Denise. “Thanks so much, seriously.”
“It was my pleasure,” she said with a nod. “I’d never been here before, and knew I’d find it fascinating. Thank you for the educational aspect,” Denise said, glancing at me. “I learned quite a lot.”
“Happy to hear it,” I said, returning the nod.
As I escorted the guests out of the zoo and locked the door behind them, I reflected on how much I’d changed. The first time I’d seen Yui’s tarantula form, I’d nearly passed out from fear. Now here I was, walking tourists around like it was no big deal. Humans really can adapt to anything, it seems.
That afternoon, Suzanne had texted me that she was coming by after my shift, and I met her in Andrew’s office, shutting the door to the security room behind me. “How’s Andrew?” I asked first thing.
“He’s doing well,” she said with a wide smile. “Back on non-hospital food. He’s allowed to order food on his phone, and to hear it from him, that’s the best news he’d received in a long time.”
I chuckled. “I guess some clichés are true for a reason.”
“Indeed.” She took a breath. “All right. Ripley…I would like to discuss something with you.”
My face went slack at the serious tone in her voice. “I’m not… Am I being fired?”
“What? No!” she exclaimed. Then she chuckled softly. “No, it’s nothing like that. Just, here, let’s have a seat.” Suzanne walked over to the couch and sat at one end, and I took the other. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something I’ve kept from you, that I wanted to keep from you until you found your sea legs here.”
“Well…I have,” I said with a nod. “So, what is it?”
Suzanne took a breath. “I knew your mother.”
The words hung in the air for a moment before making their way to my ears. It was a perfectly logical sentence, and yet it didn’t make any sense. “What?” I finally managed.
“When you graduated college, I decided to move the zoo from Italy to within driving distance of your home,” she said softly. “Near enough to your town that you’d see the advert. We ignored any other applicants and I hoped you’d apply. Actually, I expected you’d apply. Not just for the money, but considering the field you wanted to go into. As soon as I’d found out your major, I knew.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” I said, holding up a hand. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “How do you know Patricia?”
“She owned the zoo before I did,” Susan explained. “Fourteen years ago…she was working to track an injured animal that we could bring into the zoo and she was killed by poachers.”
My heart calcified in my chest and a lump lodged in my throat. As my breaths became shaky, I stared at her in shock. “She…she’s really dead?”
“You suspected?” she asked softly.
“It…” I swallowed hard. “We had her declared legally dead after…I don’t know, seven years I think. My dad wanted to go after her for child support, but the police said…they said they couldn’t find…” Tears came to my eyes and I blinked them back before I met Suzanne’s gaze. “She owned the zoo?”
Suzanne nodded. “It was her baby, you’d say. When Patricia passed, I inherited it, which we’d discussed beforehand, a legal just-in-case that I never expected her to need. I’m under the impression that you were told she went to Africa for her photography career, but she was in fact going to remote areas back in my home world almost every time.”
“But I-I saw the photos,” I said, my eyes narrowing. “You’re telling me she put on a show of getting pictures that someone else took for us to see every time she visited? Did my dad even know?”
“I suppose that’s an accurate way to put it, putting on a show. And no, your father was never told. It’s not the way of things to tell humans unless it’s necessary. I won’t bore you with the details, but us and humans, we’re distant relatives, so we can still have children. But it wasn’t planned. Your mother fell in love with your father despite herself; she hadn’t meant to find love. Then she became pregnant with you and…well, the rest is history.”
“I think she had a different definition of love than the one I have,” I said tightly. “You’d think she’d have put her survival as more of a priority. Put being with the man she ‘loved’ as a priority. Her kids needed her. I needed her. She signed up when she became a mom. She could’ve screwed up all the time but she couldn’t even manage that one job: be there. When I was in the hospital, I kept thinking, ‘Where is she?’ and now you’re telling me that she put these animals above being there for her kids, and this whole time she’s been dead.”
“The hospital?” she asked, furrowing her brows.
“Never mind,” I said tersely, averting my gaze.
Suzanne hesitated before she nodded slowly. “I’m sorry for your loss, and not just for her death, Ripley,” she told me. “Patricia was…well, a ‘free spirit’ would be putting it gently. She always assumed the world would be there for her whenever she needed it.”
Staring at her for a long moment, I shook my head. “Why? Why come here and hire me?”
“I thought that would be obvious,” she said, smiling. “Your mother was so passionate about this place and once I found out your college major, I figured you would be as well.”
“Did you know that I hate her?” At that, Suzanne’s expression froze on the edge of shock. “She…she left us,” I whispered. “Didn’t tell us who she was or what she really did for a living and gave us no closure. And even when she was here, it was just visiting. Her real home was her work. She could give me all the presents she wanted, but even when she was here, half the time she was still on her computer doing work. It’s not like that stereotype of never making it to my tennis practice or something; it’s that it always felt like she was only partially here, even when I was sitting next to her. I don’t even know if I appreciate her turning me into a wildlife fanatic because it…it…makes me feel like I’m close to her in a way that’s just infuriating. She loved the animals more than she loved us.”
“Oh, Ripley-”
“Don’t,” I said, shoving myself to my feet. “Don’t try to convince me otherwise.”
“I wasn’t going to,” she said quietly. I pursed my lips. “I was going to say that I’m sorry that was the case. Your mother was…flawed, just like any other person. She had two loves in this world: her family and her work. And often, her work overcame her, her zeal for environmentalism getting in the way of being a good mum. She left your father trying to fill the role of two parents, holding your family together. You and your brother and your father, you all deserved better than that.”
My lower lip quivered but I bit down on it hard. It would’ve been a lot easier for me if she’d been speaking from a place of clueless reassurance about all this. But everything she said was making sense and that meant I didn’t have someone in front of me to be angry with.
“Why didn’t you tell me when Andrew hired me?” I sighed, sitting back down on the couch.
“Well, like I said, I wanted you to find your sea legs,” she said with a small smile. “I didn’t want the truth affecting whether or not you wanted to work here, whether you wanted to stay here after finding out about what the animals are. It would’ve complicated things, the emotions you’ll have to work through now that you know the truth. Whether or not you decide to give another tour, you also know what they’re like. That’s the benchmark I wanted you to reach before you found out about who you are.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Who I-” My face went slack. “Wait.”
Suzanne nodded slowly. “You’re only half human. Your brother too.”
The room seemed to tilt on an axis for a moment. “That means I’m also half…what?”
“We call ourselves Eldritch, these days,” she replied.
My eyes bugged out. “What?” I exclaimed. “So you’re all, like, gods or something?”
Suzanne burst out laughing. “Oh no, goodness, no,” she chuckled. “It’s just a word. We live in a very different world from this one, and a few generations ago we discovered the word and it made its way into our lexicon. But it does mean you can see all the animals. Indeed you did, on the tour you gave.”
“Wait, no, I had the glasses that…” I stopped. “Did those glasses do anything?”
She gave a sly smile and shook her head. “Not a thing. You made incredibly quick progress, and then when it came time for the tour, all you needed was to expect to see the animals, and you did.”
Genetics. That’s what Andrew had said during our interview, that part of how many animals you could see was determined by genetics. I guess having a mother who was originally from the other dimension gave me all the genes I needed to see everything here. “Could I…visit your world?” I asked tentatively. “You said that my mom took photos of the animals there. Could I…” My voice trailed off, not even sure if or how I wanted to finish that sentence.
“Those who are half human, especially those who are raised on Earth, don’t come visit,” she said gently. “I could show you some photos of other animals, and I could loan you as many books as you’d like, but it’s simply not a place where you’d be safe.”
“Oh,” I said, leaning into the couch cushion as I pictured the animals in the zoo. “Yeah, actually that…makes sense.” I paused. “So, what now?”
“It’s up to you,” she said. “I wanted to wait until I was sure you were comfortable with your position here, and then put the ball in your court. And so it is. What do you want to do now?”
What did I want to do? It wasn’t that difficult a question, just a deep, serious one.
I wanted to thrive, as the animals did. This is my enrichment now, working at an incredible, wonderful, terrifying zoo. The experience so far hasn’t been perfect, and I know there are risks, but life isn’t about staying safe. It’s about learning new things and making a difference in the world. And, if you’re lucky, having a job that’s something really special.
​
THE END
​
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I have been struggling as my posts show with some serious health anxiety over the last 6-8 weeks. Since about the beginning of March. I think I may have run out of hope that this is simply anxiety and not something more serious.
I recently went to a rheumatologist to discuss my high ANA panel and she scheduled a bunch of tests. Telling me that lupus could be causing these symptoms I’ve been complaining of, but also that 50-60% of ANA panels that come back positive are often nothing.
For context Im a 27 yo male who had a bout that was virtually identical to this three years ago, and these unbearable symptoms consist of

• patches of skin that feel like they're burning
  
• randoms stinging pains
  
• twitching
  
• it feels like im leaking urine but i cant tell
  
• buzzing sensation
  
• joint pain
  

and all of this fires up at random with no warning. my psychiatrist says it could be due to the fact that my anxiety is virtually all somatic, like i dont feel mentally anxious but my body does.
Ive been through the wringer with this, im terrified its ms or lupus or something like a brain tumor. What dignity is there in life if i have to pee in a diaper, or cant exercise because i cant move or because i have to be carful not to aggravate my condition. who could love a man who was basically helpless, wreaking of urine with sexual deficiencies.
I’m supposed to be building a life I put myself through college after I dropped out of high school, I dealt with drug addiction and family trauma, the loss of a sibling, being abandoned by my father, and then I dealt with this whole event once with the sole solace that no matter what my partner would love me. Last year she left me. Now I am alone trying to piece together what is happening to me. I’ve gone up on my dose of lexapro, I’ve spoken with my pcp and got referral to a neurologist who ordered more test but the process is so slow.
I am in limbo and what if the news I get is the news I expect, why should I continue to live I’d simply be taking up space.

My wife and I split our finances 50/50, we make about the same, so it's easier to track. We have a joint account for budgeted expenses, i.e. mortgage, groceries, daycare, utilities, dining out, etc. In addition, we have our own separate accounts where we get the other portion of our paychecks, and that in theory is "personal" money that we can spend however we want. Nonetheless, what gets measured gets managed, that's why we track our expenses in a separate spreadsheet.
However, we still have non-budgeted expenses that are shared, e.g. kids clothing, household goods, unexpected expenses, etc. So we filled out a custom made spreadsheet that I have perfected over the years, and even though it has a lot of macros and automation built in, it's still painful to import the transactions and label dozens of non-budgeted expenses.
Monarch claims to have couples function, but basically it just allows multiple log ins with no differentiation between users, it's equivalent of me given my wife my log in credentials. It would be awesome if each log in account could have their own private accounts and you could select which transactions to make visible to the other household member. I don't want to see 1000 Amazon transactions in my Monarch account and I don't want my wife to see my transactions either (believe, I'm not trying to conceal OF expenses :D). This feature would eliminate 100% the need of my spreadsheet and it's the only reason why I'm still shopping for other alternatives.
Is there a way to link private bank accounts such that your partner only can see transactions that you labeled as public? Anyone else in the same situation? If so, what do you do?

Hi, all. Started to get pain then noticed a curve about 3 months ago. My wife went to Dr. google and said it was PD. Took me 2 months to get in to see a urologist. My appointment was 2 weeks ago, there was just talking and he said he could feel a quarter sized plaque had formed. What do you know, Dr. google was right for once. He didn’t do any injections to force erection, or an ultrasound. He told me xiaflex would be the route he’d go, but I’d have to wait 6 months or insurance wouldn’t cover it. I asked if there was anything I could do in the interim, he said not really… but you can try taking vitamin e and acetyl L-Carnitine. Curve doesn’t seem to be too terrible except for when trying to flex it. I’d say about 15° erect, but >45° when flexing. Also have an offset hour glass is how I’d explain it (indent on left closer to base and on right about 1/2” further up). As long as it’s not flexed when trying to penetrate, sex is still able to happen (wife said she actually likes the upward curve when flexed inside). However, I’ve noticed that it’s impossible for me to finish if we try two days in a row due to the pain from the day before, along with having to pay attention to care for the hinge effect I’ve been experiencing. Anyway, me being me, I decided to look at different research journals. And decided to try and see if I could help along as much healing as possible. Found this group (if that’s what it’s called… new to Reddit), and seems like there are quite a few well versed people on the subject. Sorry if this has all been gone over before, I did my best to search for answers before bothering anyone. Currently I’m taking (not all for PD, some are just general supplements) Vitamin E, Omega 3, Acetyl L-Carnitine, ashwagahnda, Maca, and Genius Mushroom something. My wife found an article about TENS Unit being a treatment option, so she’s been having me torture myself with that. Also started VED treatment and manual stretching. The urologist didn’t mention anything about tadalafil, but saw multiple papers on the possible efficacy in the acute stage (hoping I’m still early enough). Would that be something a GP would prescribe off of a request with PD being diagnosed? I have an appointment on Tuesday with my regular doc, and after reading the reviews for xiaflex, and the urologist going straight to that, I’m willing to try anything to help without that, and don’t know how much I trust him. Forgot to say, I’m 38 and not in the greatest shape, but trying to get healthy again now…
Sorry for the long post, but it was my first, and wanted to cover as much backstory as possible. Any info would be greatly appreciated.
P.S. don’t think trips to Utah are an option.

TL:DR: 3 days past due date, been very stressed for the past month. Birth doula suggested my stress hormones may be the reason, blocking labour from starting. Looking for stories where by re having a day of relaxing potentially brought on your on labour?
—
I am 40+2 with my second baby. I also have a toddler and needless to say, life is busy. My first w as a week late and I had to be induced as my body did nothing on its own to go into labour. This time around, I’ve been 1 cm dilated with a soft but high cervix since 39 weeks. It seems like history is bound to repeat itself and I desperately want to avoid being induced (I developed high BP at 40+3 with my first and my induction took three days but I did ultimately deliver naturally and everyone was healthy.)
This pregnancy has been more stressful than my first. Just taking the last month as an example, baby was breech and I tried ALL the things to flip her. I spent almost a thousand dollars (and a lot of time and energy) on various massage, physiotherapy, chiro and acupuncture treatments (thank god for my husbands amazing work benefits I got it all back), and between 34-37 weeks I basically was entirely focused on flipping her. I am especially motivated for a vaginal birth because due to health issues, I am not allowed to get a spinal or epidural so if I need a c-section it will need to be done under general anesthesia and that would mean both me and my husband would miss my daughter being born which breaks my heart. So, for over a month I was stressing constantly about her position. Somewhere in there I started my maternity leave a bit early too because with my husband and I both working full time, I had done barely anything to prepare for having this baby around the house, so between everything, I was working my butt off at home to prep for baby. Basically the plan was for an ECV at 37 weeks exactly if nothing else worked (spoiler: nothing worked). Just before the ECV, my toddler brought home a nasty daycare virus which I caught and the ECV was postponed until 37+5 when I was feeling (temporarily) better. Fortunately baby flipped easily however in the process she must have landed in a bad spot for my pelvis, because as I was walking out of the hospital with my newly flipped baby, my left SI joint went “out” and I could hardly walk. Cue me needing to use a cane and limping around the next 3+ weeks (I can still just barely weight-bear on that side and I’m just generally in constant pain, sleeping in a bed is torture). Then I woke up the day after my ECV to find that my cold had turned into a bad sinus infection and bronchitis, but because I only swabbed positive for rhinovirus in L&D, no one would give me an antibiotic despite me having a history of sinus infections. I could barely breathe, wheezed constantly, could not lay flat without massive coughing fits (so was sleeping maybe 2-3 hours a night sitting up) and strained all my abdominal muscles. This went on for 5 days until finally my GP agreed to give me an antibiotic and puffer. It took a full week on that for my symptoms to completely resolve. Over those 5 days before I got the antibiotic I also made 4 more trips to L&D, one for high BP which came down on its own, one for thinking my water broke (turns out I just peed from coughing) and two for reduced fetal movement related to dehydration (they gave me fluids and baby’s HR came back down to normal). Overlying that has been the constant worry that baby will somehow flip back to being breech or transverse (fortunately she has stayed head down). The past two weeks I’ve primarily spent cleaning/nesting and going to various appointments to try and fix my pelvic pain to no avail. Then on my due date this past Thursday, my toddler comes home yet again with green runny nose and I am just terrified now of getting sick yet again.
SO. Needless to say, I have been under a lot of stress. I completely online birthing classes and decided to reach out to the instructor to ask for suggestions on how to get my labour going to hopefully avoid an induction. After hearing just a fraction of what I’ve been through, she suggested that. I will not be able to walk myself into labour (despite my hip pain I have remained active for the sake of keeping baby head down and getting labour going). She said that potentially it is a mental block preventing my labour from progressing, noting that stress hormones work against labour hormones. Honestly, it makes sense to me since I still feel stressed and exhausted, I keep thinking “ok baby don’t come tonight, just let me get one good nights sleep first”…only for me to sleep like shit yet again.
So I’m going to focus on trying to relax tomorrow (Sunday). I would love to read some stories from people who think that relaxing was the key to getting their labour going. I feel like I see all the stories about how walking or nesting induced labour but nothing about how just chilling might have been what was needed.

Hi guys. I am seeking some advice. TLDR at the end.
Last month, I had a heavy night of drinking and woke up the next day with some discomfort in my toe joints. Nothing unbearable, but definitely not normal. I took some ibuprofens, which helped, and went on with my day. The pain persisted for a few days, then went away.
Having a history of high UA, I suspected I might have gout. But I wasn’t sure because I didn’t have the traditional symptoms of a gout attack and the pain wasn’t all that severe.
Anyways, I visited my home country recently and went to see a specialist. He checked my UA level (8.1 mg/dL) and took some X-rays. The x-rays do not show any visible signs of gout crystals.
The doctor, who also has gout, said said I “most likely” have gout based on my UA and my “warning signs” symptoms. But since I have never had a full blown attack and does not have visible signs from the x-rays, he will not diagnose me with gout just yet. He did say that my experience is extremely similar to his own, and gave me lots of advice of food moderation.
Now, I asked him about Allo as a preventative measure. He said I can take it, but there can be some side effect on the liver, which he himself has experience. His advice was that since I am not yet “100%” diagnosed, I should focus on food moderation for now. He did prescribed me with Colchicine and Celebrex to manage possible attacks. He would have prescribed me with Allo if I asked, but I wasn’t sure.
Now, I paranoid about eating anything and triggering an attack. It’s starting to affect my mental health. But I also do not want to put unnecessary burden on my liver.
TLDR So here is my question. Since I have not yet been diagnosed with gout and never had an attack, should I be taking Allo to maintain my UA? Is it worth the side effects?
Appreciate any advice or personal experience you want to share.

You guys know what an alpine coaster is? They are like a small roller coaster you find in the mountains. They are also called summer toboggans or mountain coasters and I think there’s some long German compound word they are called in parts of Europe. They are like a roller coaster, but with much smaller one or two person sleds you just sit on instead of multi-person cars you ride in, and instead of being built with like a scaffolding or a framework the tracks are just on the ground, using the elevation of the mountain. Basically it’s a coaster track on the side of a mountain where you ride a sled down.
They are pretty fun. Or at least I used to think so. They are more “personal” than roller coasters and although you get nowhere near the speed on them that you do on a good traditional roller coaster and they can’t do corkscrews or loops or anything like that the openness and simplicity of the ride gives an impression of a much greater speed. You’re just sitting there with nothing but a little plastic sled and the track between you and the ground as it goes zooming by. It’s like the difference between how fast a go-cart feels compared to how fast a sports car feels. You know the sports car goes faster but the open, simpleness of a go-cart feels a different kind of fast. There’s plenty of POV Youtube videos if you want to get the basic idea of what they are.
I used to love alpine coasters. Used to.
My family used to go to Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge and up and down the Smokey Mountains for vacations when I was a kid and they are common in that area and I’d always rode them every chance I got.
But as with so many things after I grew up and went to college they just became part of my childhood that slipped away. They aren’t exactly common once you get away from the mountains.
Until one cool spring afternoon in 2004. I was in my final year at college and I was driving back to campus in Tennessee after a short visit to my folks in North Carolina. It was only like a 4 or 5 hour drive via the most efficient route and I had no need to be back at campus early so instead of taking the freeway all the way I got off and took part of my trip through the mountains. The scenery was nicer and I admit I liked pushing my Camaro just a little faster than I should through the twisty mountain roads.
Just after lunchtime happened upon one of those little by-the-highway tourist towns deep somewhere in the Smoky Mountains near the Carolina/Tennessee border. Nothing fancy, a gas station/truck stop, a diner, a couple of places selling tourist merch nestled deep in the mountains. I pulled into the gas station. My tank was getting low and I needed to stretch my legs, maybe grab something to eat. It was still early and I only had another couple of hours. I could kill an hour or so and still make it back to campus at a decent hour.
I pulled into the gas station and was filling my tank when I happened to glance across the road and… well I’ll be damned. There it was. “The Blue Ridge Alpine Coaster.” Nestled on the side of the mountain was a building, a mockup of a red barn, where a single railed track that led up into the mountains, where it soon got lost in the greenery. Wooden hand painted standees of cartoon character bears dressed in stereotypical “Hillbilly” getup stood around, some of them holding signs showing the ride hours and ticket costs and other info. I had to admit, as silly as it was, it made me smile.I finished pumping my gas and, well, nostalgia is a helluva thing. I decided then and there I could waste a little time riding an Alpine Coaster again after all these years before getting back on the road.
I parked my car in a corner of the truck stop's parking lot, put my phone in the center console, this being the days before smart phones when people didn’t keep their phones with them 24/7 and I didn’t want my old Nokia brick phone to fall out during the ride, locked my car and walked across the mountain highway to the Alpine Coaster building.
Getting closer, the place was less inviting. The half hearted attempt at a whimsical faux-Americana kitsch was far less effective when it brushed up against the actual decaying, run down wooden building. Hell calling it a building was generous. It was a wood frame holding up a long roof that covered the area where you got on the sleds. The wood boards creaked under my footsteps.
The only real enclosed structure was a shack that held, what I assumed, was a ticket booth. A door on the side had both a single occupancy bathroom with an out of order sign on it. An old Pepsi machine buzzed and glowed next to it.
Still the place looked alive. Ahead of me a bored looking attendant was helping a mother and her young son into one of the sleds while in a bored monotone repeating the safety brief. A few people were waiting in line at the ticket booth. Up in the mountains the playful shouts of people on the ride echoed down. Fond memories of my own childhood rides flooded my mind.10 minutes and 15 dollars later I was settling into the hard plastic seat of a bright red sled sat atop a simple aluminum rail.
I couldn’t help but grin as the sled slowly climbed the track up the mountains, making click-clack ratcheting sounds that hit my nostalgia centers hard. I felt good. The air was cool and crisp and smelled of pine.Higher and higher in the mountains we went. I don’t know if this is my mind trying to make sense of it after the fact but when I remember these moments, the last good moments, I sometimes think I remember a very slight, very subtle pit of fear in my stomach. I honestly don’t know if I felt it at the time or not or it’s just how my mind tries to make sense of it looking back at.
But either way mostly I was enjoying myself. I smiled. I was a kid again. I could hear riders in front of me let out that initial yell of terrified glee you get at the first drop of any good ride.
It peaked. I glanced around. I could see for miles, rolling hills and mountains. I the sled tipped over and zoomed down the mountain and I let out the same happy yell I heard from the other passengers.The ride zoomed down the mountain, catching speed. The mountain forest floor zoomed past, only a few feet under me. Trees zoomed past. I gave out a happy whoop as the ride banked hard around a curve and then looped back under itself.Another dip, another curve. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of the G-forces pulling me every which way.
There was no one exact single moment where things started to go “wrong.” The ride kept going. And going. At this point the first creeping thought entered my head.
The ride… was still going.
It just started to hit me… this ride was going on for a really long time. I had taken a dozen rides on various coasters of this type before that day and they topped out at about 5 minutes or so, and that was the long ones. Longer than a traditional roller coaster but not that long. This one had been going on for what felt like 10, maybe even 15 minutes.
I looked back over my shoulder and could only see trees, moving too fast to really get a bearing on where I was at in relation to anything.
I wasn't exactly really worried yet. Okay so I had found a particularly long alpine coaster. At the time I wasn’t 100% wasn't sure they didn’t exist or anything like that. I was a little… unnerved but nothing was happening that was impossible. Yet.
I was trying to talk myself back into just enjoying the ride and stop overthinking it, and halfway succeeded, when out of nowhere I suddenly banked hard, the track jutting out almost over a sheer cliffside. I gripped the sled more tightly as I was whipped around. The ride then dipped hard and picked up speed, barreling down the side of the mountain.
I was pushed back against the seat by the force of the drop. Jesus I didn’t remember them being this rough. I was feeling slightly nauseous. And where had this elevation drop come from I wondered? I was still in the foothills and I didn’t remember seeing anything but gentle rolling hills and light drops from looking at the ride’s route earlier. How the ride had managed such a long, steep drop in this area I didn’t know. . For the first time I hoped that the ride would be over soon. I had no idea then how much I would want that same hope to be true so much more as time went on.
With a whiplash motion I was whipped forward and then back as the ride leveled out on flat ground again, but by this point I was going fast, too fast. My neck hurt from the mild whiplash and I felt sour in my throat and for a moment the contents of my stomach threatened to come back up. For the first, but hardly the last time the ride felt unsafe. Alpine Coasters are tame affairs, much slower and gentler than full on roller coasters but this thing was throwing me around like no thrill ride I had ever been on.
I looked around. I mean I wasn’t that deep into the woods. I should have been able to see a glimpse of something; the highway, the gas station, the tourist shops, the Alpine Coaster office, something, anything. But nothing. Just trees.
I forced back some panic for the first time. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. The ride zoomed along. I counted to 60. I counted to 60 again. And again. Okay this was getting uncomfortably harder and harder to explain.
Suddenly I noticed that up ahead the track seemed to just end, for one brief, terrible moment I thought the track just ended but I was wrong. Almost without warning the track dipped in an almost vertical drop. I almost screamed as I plummeted for 20, maybe 30 seconds before flattening out again.
By this point the voice in my head that was telling me something was wrong was louder and I could no longer tell myself it was wrong. This ride could not have been this long. I tried to make sense of it, wondering if somehow I had gotten diverted onto some kind of maintenance track or, hell for one brief irrational moment even entertaining the idea that I had wound up on an actual train track somehow. But that was absurd. The rail below me was not a train track, it was still just the simple, aluminum rail of an alpine coaster and there had been no diversions or junctions in the track. I was still on the ride, as insane as that was starting to feel. Had the ride somehow looped? Again after having the thought I immediately dismissed it as crazy. There’s no way I could have missed the ride building where I got on. And what kind of ride loops over and over?
The sled zoomed through the forest, oddly never seeming to lose speed despite the relatively flat grade of the track. I cursed myself for leaving my phone in the car and not wearing a watch. I don’t know exactly how long I had been on the ride at that point but it felt like I had been on the ride for a half hour, maybe more. But time is a funny thing when you’re in a situation you’ve never been in. Could have been more, could have been less, at that point.
My pride finally failed me. I started to scream for help. I screamed out that the ride was broken, to stop it, that I needed help. I did that for about ten minutes or so I think. The ride kept going. Mostly flat, level track with occasional mild dips and turns. But the simple length of the ride grew more and more unnerving and unexplainable.
I thought about just bailing out. But the ride, impossibly, was still not slowing down and chunks of mountain rock and thick tree trunks were all around me. Bailing out without risking smashing into a rock or a tree seemed impossible.
The ride kept going.
Up ahead the forest was clearing out some, I could see the forest brightening, more sunlight making it through the canopy.
I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.
The trees stopped and I had just enough time to take in a flat, open area of rock maybe 40, 50 yards at most before another sheer cliff. The tracks twisted and turned and then shot straight down. But that wasn’t the worst of it. For a moment, a very short moment, I had a clear view for miles and the landscape was, to be blunt, totally impossible. Any possibility that I had just stumbled on some incredibly long ride was blasted out of my head. Barren, volcanic looking rock stretched for miles. Jagged, black rocky outcroppings as far as the eye could see. I was in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. They don’t look like that.
I had a few moments for the terror of that view to settle in before the cart plunged into another horrifying drop. I gripped the handles of the cheap plastic sled until my knuckles turned white. The drop felt completely vertical, like I was falling at terminal velocity. I screamed. My stomach dropped and turned. I imagined the sled coming away from the track and me just plummeting screaming to my death on the rocks below. But somehow the ride still functioned. I closed my eyes tightly and just waited for whatever was going to happen. Eventually after several what felt like a full minute of steep plunging the track again leveled out, and I opened my eyes to see myself moving at breakneck speed over that black, rocky landscape.
Now that I was moving on a more or less flat horizontal track again I took a few deep breaths. I looked over the edge of the track. Nothing but that black, jagged rock, almost looking like obsidian, zooming past. I had no idea how fast the sled was moving now. Fast. Faster than a gravity powered sled should be moving. And the track was higher off the ground now. Alpine slides usually stick pretty close to the ground, but I was 20 feet or so in the air, the track suspended in the air, a simple metal tube tower like a power pylon every few yards.
Without any immediate threat and the sled moving fast but steadily and level I was able to think about my situation again, for all the good that did me. Ahead of me the track just continued to the horizon, nothing but the same rocky landscape as far as I could see. I craned my neck to look back over my shoulder and looked back behind me and it looked the same. Even the mountains were but distant specs on the horizon behind me.
This was insane. There’s not a giant seemingly endless field of black jagged rock in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. There’s no cliff faces tall and steep enough for a multi-minute vertical drop. And alpine coasters were small affairs, not major engineering projects that span miles with pylons and vertical tracks. It made no sense.
Sadly it wasn’t going to start making any more sense anytime soon.
The ride kept going.
I was on this rocky landscape for several hours. I feel comfortable saying this because I could actually notice the sun getting lower in the sky. And the sled wasn’t slowing down despite the grade of the track being flat. I was getting cramped from sitting and stretched my legs and twisted my back as best I could. Didn’t do much help. My eyes were starting to get irritated from the constant wind in them. Worst of all it was starting to get chilly. I only had on a light jacket, a windbreaker, just something to keep the breeze off me, no real insulation. I was cold, my joints were stiff, I was hungry and thirsty. My eyes watered and my throat was so dry it was sore.
But none of that was as bad as just how little sense this all made. There’s nothing like this place anywhere near the Smoky Mountains. This was like some volcanic rock landscape. The more I thought about it the less sense it made.
The ride kept going.
My mind didn’t even try to process this. Whatever I was experiencing simply couldn’t be possible. I was crazy. I was dreaming. The CIA had kidnapped me and dosed me with some new version of LSD and I was in a straightjacket in a padded room at Area 51.
The sled kept zooming along as the sky turned to dusk. Soon the bridge disappeared from my view and I continued on along the endless, rocky, featureless landscape.
I sat back against the sled, mentally and physically numb. I was exhausted. I was thirsty. I was cramping up. I was hungry. I had to pee. I held it for as long as I could, then had no choice but just wet myself. I cried until I had no more tears left. Then I just sat there.
The ride kept going.
By the time the sun dipped below the horizon my throat felt like sandpaper. I dug around in my jacket pockets hoping to find a stick of gum or piece of candy. Nothing. I checked again, having nothing else to do. Under a crumpled store receipt in the inner pocket of my jacket was a single old, forgotten cough drop. I unwrapped it from the paper and popped it in my mouth. Saliva flooded back into my mouth and I was overwhelmed by the methanol and medicine taste. It was something at least, although I knew it would be a brief and temporary fix at best.
I felt my eyes get heavy. It was getting colder. That mountain cold. That deep cold the mountains have even into the early spring when the sun goes down. That kind that just pulls the heat right out of you. I shivered. A terrible, horrible certainty came to me. I would ride until I passed out from exhaustion or the hypothermia set in. My body would tumble off the sled to fall and skip across the rocky ground like a stone skipping across a lake, my bones breaking as I tumbled until my body finally came to a stop. If I was lucky I would be killed and not have to lie for days, broken and bruised, on the ground until death took me.
The ride kept going. The ride kept going. The fucking ride kept going.
“Fuck you” I said to the ride, my voice a horse whisper. I pulled my jacket closer around me, for all the good it did. The cold wind was slowly but surely pulling my body heat away. My shivering got worse, crossing the line from a simple normal shiver into those deep, almost violent full body ones.. I wasn’t anything you could call an experienced outdoorsman, but I knew enough to know that wasn’t a good sign.
It was getting dark. There was a full moon at least so I wasn’t totally in the dark.
About then I noticed something. The landscape, what little I could see in the fading light, was changing. It was smoothing out, becoming less rocky and craggy. Up ahead an odd, shimmering light was starting to appear on the ground.
I was over it before I even realized what it was. The tracks were going over a smooth surface.
Water. It was a lake. The odd lights I had seen were the moon, reflected in ripples on the lake.
Within minutes I was out of the view of the land. After the nearly endless rocky landscape and everything else I had seen, it scared me how little I was shocked. I didn’t like how mentally numb I was getting. I leaned over. There was enough moonlight to see the water, 15 or 20 feet below the track. The pylons holding up the track went into the water, the light wasn’t good enough to even make a guess at how far they went down or how deep the water was.I leaned back in the sled. My eyes were red and bloodshot from the constant wind. I closed them. This was a mistake.I jerked awake. I don’t know if I dozed off for a split second or an hour. My weight had shifted and I caught myself as my center of gravity was in danger of sending me off the sled and into the water.
I screamed in anger. A deep primal scream. I hurt so bad. My joints felt like they were full of glass. My limbs were full of pins and needles. I glanced over at the water. For the first time on the very edges of my brain a tiny voice started to speak up, telling me that I could be all over if I just jumped. I shut the voice up, but it scared me still.
I sat there as the ride went on. It felt like hours. Eventually the lake ended in a rocky shore line. The damned ride. There was no safe place to bail out. If the ride slowed down, it was high in the air, if it moved toward the ground it sped up. Sharp rocks, big trees, nothing you could safely bail out into.
I kept having to force myself awake. I kept dozing off. Once I felt myself falling asleep and drove a vicious uppercut into my own nose to stave it off.
I seriously started to think about how much longer I could hang on. The voice came back again. This time I didn’t shut it up. I wasn’t admitting it to myself yet, but I was starting to think about the best way to land that would end it quickly if I needed to.
Something was ahead. The track seemed to dip into the ground. I was too tired, too beaten to even get scared. I was just resigned to whatever happened at this point.
With little warning the track took my sled into a tunnel in the ground. Everything went completely pitch black. After several moments even the dim moonlight was gone.
This was the worst part. The creepy forest, the immense rocky landscape, the eerie lake… those were bad. But this was just nothing. Nothing to look at, nothing to hear, nothing for reference or sense of where I was going. The walls of the tunnel felt like they were inches from me in every direction. The air felt thick, like there wasn’t enough oxygen.
With every moment I was in that tunnel I lost a little more hope. After a long, long time I made a decision. When I got out of this tunnel, I would jump. I didn’t care anymore. Hopefully there would be a spot where I could be certain the fall would instantly kill me. I was done. The ride had beaten me. I sat there, waiting for a chance to end this on my terms. That was all I had left.
Eventually up ahead, a tiny speck of light appeared. I gathered my strength, ready to end it. I sat up, getting my legs under me so I could jump as soon as we were clear. The sled burst out of the tunnel. The dim light of the full moon was enough to be momentarily blinding after the pitch black of the tunnel.. I gave my eyes a moment to adjust.
I was back in a normal looking Appalachian forest. Rolling hills, green trees. The air smelled of pine again. I heard an owl hoot off somewhere.
Slowly I lowered myself back into a setting position, in shock. At first I refused to believe it but the ride was slowing down. I held still, making sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, but no, the cheap plastic sled that had been my world for what felt like an eternity was slowing down.
Up ahead, a structure was visible, peeking out from among the trees in the dim lighting as the sled moved down the track.
It was the Alpine Slide building. The crappy fake red barn where I had boarded this cursed ride so long ago. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, sure it was either my mind or the cursed ride playing tricks with me. But the building stayed there.
It grew closer and closer. The track leveled completely out. The sled slowed down more. Before I had the time to really come to terms with it I arrived back at the building.
The sled slowed to a stop, gently pumping against another sled parked on the track. I sat there for a few moments, gasping in great big gulping fear breaths, trying to assure myself the ride didn’t have one last trick of its sleeve.
I looked around. The place was empty, deserted. The overhead lights were still on and the old Pepsi machine still glowed and buzzed, but the ticket booth was dark and empty, a metal gate pulled down over the ticket window.
Suddenly it hit me that I was free and I practically leapt out of the sled and onto the platform. I immediately collapsed. My legs were jelly and my head was spinning. I tried to stand up again and doubled over, dry heaving. Have you ever been out on a boat for a day and have that weird reverse motion sickness when you’re back on solid land? It was like that times a hundred. My inner ear was literally pounding, all the motion had really done a number on it.
I laid there for a few moments and eventually forced myself to stand up on my two wobbling legs. I looked around, a horrible certainty creeping into my mind that there would be no exit, no way off the platform but to my relief an exit turnstyle, one of those full height ones, was set into the fence that surrounded the ride property.
I went through it and found myself back on the main road. The truckstop was still there, still open but far less busy. My car sat in the same corner of the parking lot I had left it.
I allowed myself one look back, just one quick one. The metal skeleton of the Alpine Slide track sat there, dark and quiet but otherwise normal.
I stumbled-ran back to my car, dug the keys out of my pocket, and collapsed inside. When the door shut I let out a primal scream, the tons of fear and confusion and anger all fusing into a single, raw emotion. I screamed again and again.
After a few moments I felt like I was emotionally at least back to a place where I could act, although I wasn’t sure yet what to do next. Not really knowing what to do I cranked the car. The A/C had been on low when I shut off the car and it came roaring back to life and cold air blowing on me almost sent me back into a full on panic attack. I fumbled with the climate controls until the air stopped blowing directly on me, then calmed down enough to turn the heat on, helping to get the chill out of my bones. There was a half full bottle of water in the center console cup holder and I grabbed it and chugged it. Nothing ever tasted as good before or sense as that few ounces of water.
That was when I noticed the clock on the radio head unit. It was 4:17 in the morning. It had been about one, one thirty or so in the afternoon when I got on the accursed ride.
Over 15 hours. I had been on the goddamn ride for over 15 hours. Over half a day.
I just sat there. Warming up. Calming down. I was exhausted. I was dehydrated. I can’t even describe how my head felt. I probably had at least a minor case of hypothermia. I thought about going into the gas station and asking for help but what would I even say, and more than anything I just wanted to get away from this place. And I just wanted to get away. I wanted to be nowhere near that damn ride.
I put the Camaro in gear and pulled into the street and in panic I immediately slammed on the brakes. I was lucky there was no traffic on the road at that moment. The feeling of accelerating to just normal surface street speeds made me sick to my stomach. I gathered myself and very slowly accelerated the car I usually treated with a very heavy foot up to 30 miles an hour. Every time I tried to accelerate at a pace faster than “Old Lady Going to Church, Uphill” I would have a panic attack. I was okay once I was up to speed, but accelerating freaked me out after being on that ride.
I drove about 30 minutes, putting some arbitrary amount of distance between myself and the coaster. Eventually I made it back to where the twisty mountain road met back up with a major road that would eventually meet back up with the highway. After a few more minutes of driving I saw the onramp for the highway. There was one of those big truckstop travel plazas and pulled in, parking right up at the door. I smelled like pee and I can only imagine how I looked, but I didn’t care.
I kept a couple of emergency 20s in the back of my wallet and spent it on the biggest bottle of water the store had, an overpriced bottle of eye drops, and a huge travel mug of coffee. The clerk looked at me as if he was expecting me to either drop dead or rob him the entire time.
Back in my car I downed the coffee. I put a few eye drops in each of my eyes and sat there as the caffeine took effect until I felt like I could make it back to my apartment. The sun was just coming up when I finally pulled out of the truck stop and got on the freeway. I slowly, very slowly, accelerated up to highway speed, put the Camaro in cruise control, and let the miles start to drift away. I turned on the radio, I needed to hear human voices. Every time my mind went back to what had just happened I turned the radio up louder, eventually drowning it out with painful levels of rock music. I wasn’t ready to think about it yet. Yes looking back I know I was just in denial. I finally made it back to the crappy little apartment I had off campus, a little two story walk up studio. I let myself in and collapsed on the cheap couch. I was asleep before I even had the time to decide whether or not to do anything else. I woke up later that afternoon. I took a shower and ate a meal and didn’t think about the ride. I washed the pee stained filthy clothes I had been wearing and didn’t think about the ride. I went back to class and didn’t think about the ride. Every time I thought about the ride I forced it out of my head. I’m sure this wasn’t the most mentally healthy thing to do but what can you say?
I didn’t forget about it, don’t be silly. This isn’t the kind of thing you forget. One day while looking up something else in the university’s library my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up the Alpine Slide. No website but a few Google Map and Yelp mentions. None of them mentioned anything weird, certainly nothing even remotely like what I experienced. Near as I can tell it closed sometimes in the winter of 2012.
Life went on. I mean, that’s what it does. The next day was a little better. And the day after that a little better. And the day after that a little better still. I met a nice girl. Graduated. Got married. Got a nice house in the suburbs. Got a dog. Had a daughter. Spent a lot of time happy and not thinking about being trapped on an endless alpine coaster.And that was my life for many, many years after that.
Until a few weeks back when as a very different person I found myself driving a boring and safe mid sized family SUV through those same mountains. My wife Carol, 5 months pregnant, sat in the passenger seat, our 6 year old daughter Emily in a booster seat in the back, and Max our mixed breed mutt next to her. It had been a nice pleasant trip, driving back from visiting her folks.
I hadn’t thought about that fucking ride in so long I barely registered that I was in the same general area until it was too late. Suddenly I realized that little mountain tourist trap town was only a few minutes down the road. I swallowed hard and gripped the steering wheel hard. Carol was looking out the window at the scenery and Emily was deep into some kid’s Youtube video on an iPad. I forced myself to keep my breath steady as we rounded the corner.The town was still there, sorta. Time had not been kind to it. The gas station was still there, at some point it had been bought out by Shell. The tourist trap shops were still there. One of them was now a vape shop. The diner was closed, the building looking like it sat unused for a long time.
But of course that’s not what I cared about. A looked over at the site where the Alpine Coaster once stood. It was gone. The kitschy fake barn was gone. The site was just a bare concrete slab with a chainlink fence around it. Faded “no trespassing” and “for sale” signs hung off the fence. A pile of old, decaying lumber that might have once long ago been part of the structure covered part of the old lot. No sign of the track remained outside of some old concrete support posts dotting the side of the mountain.
I exhaled out a breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding in. Soon the little town disappeared in my rear view mirror.
About a half hour later we stopped for gas. I pulled up to a gas pump across from a massive motorhome. Max stuck his head out the window and started barking at a little white dog, a toy breed of some kind, in the window of the motorhome. Carol and Emily immediately headed into the store to restock on snacks while I fueled up.
I stood there, a half smile on my lips as Max barked and wagged his tail in an attempt to attract the attention of the other dog while I filled up the tank, said dog doing an admirable job of ignoring him.
Right about the time I finished fueling up and cleaning the bugs off the windshield Carol returned from inside the store, Emily in tow, arms filled with two full sized bags of Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips and what looked to be a half dozen individually wrapped pickles.
I raised an eyebrow at the collection of food but knew better than to question a pregnant woman's snack choices.
“Should we take Max for a quick walk?” Carol asked. The travel plaza had a nice little gated dog walking area off to the side.
“Yeah probably not a bad idea, he’s been cooped up in the car for a few hours.” I said. Max, upon hearing his name and the word “walk” , forgot about the other dog and upgraded from wagging his tail to wagging his entire body while making whining sounds and staring right at me.
About this time I became half aware that the big motor home next to us was pulling away. I didn’t think much of it, outside of doing a quick automatic mental check to make sure Emily was well clear of the moving vehicle, but she was safely between me and our SUV, well out of the way.
But that was when Emily looked behind me and cheerfully yelled “Daddy look a roller coaster! Can I ride the coaster?”
It’s cliche as fuck I know but my blood went cold.
I turned around slowly, certain in my knowledge that terrible old decrepit Alpine Coaster would be there, having just popped into existence to trap me again.
That.. is not what I saw. Sure enough there was a coaster there, one I hadn’t noticed earlier because it had mostly been blocked by the motor home, but there it was. It was even an Alpine Coaster.
But it was not the same coaster I had encountered those years ago. That was immediately obvious. It was a small but modern and newish looking setup with neon lights and a bunch of people. There was an actual building where you bought tickets and a little snack stand.
“Daddy! Can we go on the coaster!” Emily asked again.
My mouth made motions but no words came out. I glanced over at Carol, hoping she’d say we didn’t have time but to my horror she smiled and said “You know what? That does sound like fun. Daddy will take you while I take Max for a walk.”
My mind raced, trying to think of a way to get out of it. But Emily was already dragging me across the parking lot to the entrance.
I patted my pocket, making sure my phone was in it. Every fiber of my being was screaming to run away. I slept walked through the line and the ticket booth while Emily bounced happily.
We got into a two seat plastic sled. This one was actually a lot nicer than the one my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about. It had two nice cushioned seats, big grab handles, even a nice rollbar.
The sled started up the track. I fought back the panic. I swerved my head around, keeping the building in my view. I was terrified of losing sight of it. We made it to the top and Emily did a happy squeal as we started down the side of the mountain.
My heart raced. Any second, any second my mind told me we’d lose sight of the building and then the ride would never end. The ride sped down the mountain. My mind tortured me with thoughts of not only going through it again, but seeing Emily go through it. The ride went around a big, banking turn. Emily kept shouting happily. How long before Carol reported us missing I wondered? Could I keep Emily calm? What if it lasted even longer this time? What if this time it never ended?
And then we were back at the start of the ride. The same attendant who had helped us into the sled was helping Emily out. I stepped out. The attendant gave me a brief look but said nothing. I guess I looked a little wild eyed.
I was fine. Emily was fine. It had been a perfectly normal, fun ride.
“That was fun Daddy! Thank you!” Emily said. I forced a smile back. “It was fun.” I responded, hoping like I sounded like I meant it.
I took Emily’s hand and we walked back to the car. Max saw us coming and barked happily. Carol looked up from the pint of Ben and Jerry’s she had somehow acquired and added to her snack collection while we were gone and smiled at us.
“Did you have fun?” she asked.
“It was so fun Mommy!” Emily said.
Carol smiled down at her, but then looked at me and frowned. “Are you okay?” Carol could read my face a lot better than the attendant could. “You’re pale.”
I smiled and this time the smile felt real. “Ya know what. Yeah, I think I am okay.”
Carol looked a little puzzled, but didn’t press it. We loaded Emily back in her booster seat, stopped Max from trying desperately to eat half a discarded gas station hot dog off the ground and got him back in the car. Carol and her small collection of snack food took her place in the passenger seat and I got in the driver's seat.I smiled. I cranked the car. I put it in gear. I pulled out of the gas station and back on the road, this time accelerating just a little faster than I had in years.

Hi I’m a 29 year old female. When I was 13, I fell pregnant. This wasn’t a consensual relationship, I was a virgin who didn’t really even know how babies were made, i still played with barbies, I was raped by my friends 23 year old brother during a sleepover.
I didn’t tell anybody. I didn’t know I was pregnant, Id only started my periods a few months prior so there absence didn’t concern me and like I said, I didn’t really know how babies were made beyond the basics. I found out I was pregnant at 29 weeks when I went to ER with my parents for stomach pain.
My parents were very angry at me despite the circumstances. He was convicted and imprisoned. They tried to find a doctor who’d give me an abortion but none would due to gestation. They said I had to give the baby up and I went along with it, I had no support from them and I grew up having a very cold relationship with them. When my daughter was born I was inconsolable and didn’t want to give her up. I refused to and my daughter was forcefully taken from me at the hospital. I was told that I was too young and because of that they didn’t need my consent for adoption just the consent of my parents. After which I was hysterical and had to be sedated. I made attempts on my life in the months after that. I was then put in to boarding school, where I stayed until I was 18.
It wasn’t an open adoption, I was allowed to leave a letter with her and I also left her my necklace which was my prized possession at the time. The adoptive mother stated she wanted no contact which I was devastated about but the social worker told me I could have contact when she turned 18. After I turned 18 and left boarding school, I moved in with my Nan whilst attending university. My Nan gave me so much love and care and was very disappointed in my parents (my Nan had no knowledge of me even being pregnant)
When I was 21 I graduated and I also got pregnant, that relationship didn’t work out but I’ve since married and had 3 more children. But I’ve never stopped thinking about my first born. I gave birth to her on my 14th birthday so we share a birthday and every birthday I feel like I’m grieving. I go through periods of just crying and staying in bed feeling guilty at what I’d done. I still feel so guilty and I can’t cope with guilt it eats me up.
Anyway, my daughter who is now 15 found me on Facebook 2 weeks ago (I have a distinct name and I still use my maiden name on there) she messaged me an angry message and then blocked me so I couldn’t even respond.
She messaged me saying that she hates me and I’m dead to her, she told me how much she loves her adoptive mother and as far as she’s concerned I don’t exist. She says I’ve turned her in to a “messed up person” She told me how she thought I was a disgusting person for giving her up for adoption because I wanted to “enjoy life without the burden of a child” her words. She called me a slut (among other words) and questioned why I was having sex at 13. She said that she hoped my other children die and called them racist terms (they are mixed) because she is angry that I kept them and not her and that she felt that meant I wasn’t good enough. She then went on to say her adoptive mother told her that
1: My parents (her bio grandparents) wanted her but I refused to look after her and wanted her to be adopted (lies)
2: I wanted an abortion and told adoptive mother that I wished I could have had an abortion (lies)
3: That adoptive mother had reached out to me when I was 21 and pregnant with her first sibling to ask if I wanted contact, and I (according to her birth mum) said I didn’t care about her and wanted to forget the whole thing and asked her not to contact me again. (God knows if that had actually happened I would have jumped at the chance)
4: That I was sleeping around with a lot of men my age and didn’t know her bio dad as I’d been with so many male school friends which is why I got sent to boarding school because I was “out of control” (lies)
All the above are just outright lies. I am glad she doesn’t know the circumstances of her conception, I’d be happy if bio mum had told her for example that her father was a childhood boyfriend of mine because the truth is something she shouldn’t know until she’s older, but to suggest I was sleeping around with multiple men at the age of 13 and didn’t know who he was is disgusting when it’s not true.
Im not able to contact her back because she’s blocked me. I’ve looked at her profile from my husbands account, I’ve seen her adoptive mum and dads Facebook profile but I don’t intend to contact any of them as much as I want to because I guess I will just tell her everything when she’s 18 if she wants to hear it because perhaps now is not the appropriate age.
Her mums Facebook shows that she is her only child, that she’s now divorced (her and her husband adopted my daughter so she’s since divorced him) they have lots of photos together. She has one post saying they were being evicted and asking if anyone knew any landlords so not in stable housing.
I found her adoptive fathers Facebook. No photos of my daughter but plenty of photos of his new wife and their 3 children. It seems he’s moved overseas.
My daughters Facebook is concerning and it’s public so I could see everything. She posts quotes about depression and anxiety, has scars on her wrists which I believe are SH scars) writes status’ such as “no body cares about me I may as well just die” and posts indicating how she hates her adoptive father (not sure what’s gone on there, likely adoptive mother has poisoned her against him too or won’t allow access but he possibly he just doesn’t want involvement) constantly posts pictures laying in a hospital bed and attached to a drip with wounds on her arms.
I know I shouldn’t have been snooping on adoptive parents and daughters Facebook as much as I did but I needed to ensure I had all info to give to social services and so I knew the situation. When I met them, they seemed kind. Social services are allowed to tell birth parents a bit about the adoptive parents life at the time of adoption, they told me they had been together for 10 years prior, she was unable to carry a pregnancy past 20 weeks and had lost a lot of babies before pursing adoption, that they had a lovely big home and that she didn’t work so had a lot of time for baby and her husband was in the army and how they had lots of extended family to love the child.
I have since informed social services about what I’ve seen on Facebook and they’ve just told me that they can not discuss this with me due to confidentiality as she’s legally not my child but have said they can assure me that they are looking in to it (I screenshot and sent the posts) and are doing everything necessary to ensure she is ok and now have involvement with her and bio mum. They can’t update me on their circumstances now (like they did when she was adopted) because the adoption is done.
I don’t really know what to do. She has a false impression of me told by her adoptive mother. None of which is true, she was so wanted and I’ve never got over it. I now fear that her thinking I rejected her and didn’t want her and she wasn’t good enough has led to some serious mental health issues and potentially these will only get worse or she could harm herself very badly based on lots of lies.
I want her to know I love her, I want her to know I wanted her but I was forced to give her up, I want her to know that I still love her and always will and that I’d do anything for her. I want to tell her I was never contacted by adoptive mother and had I have been I would have jumped at the opportunity to even just talk to my daughter. I want to tell her that I do know her bio father and I wasn’t sleeping with multiple men (although the truth regarding the rape shouldn’t be disclosed right now) I just want her to know all of this, but I’m powerless until she is 18. I have been told if I message her from a different account since I’m blocked I could face legal charges.
I am so scared of her hurting herself based on lies. Her adoptive mum whilst I believe does love her, has poisoned my daughter against me in an attempt to get my daughter to hate me because she doesn’t want daughter potentially coming back to me or forming a relationship with me and her getting pushed out, so she’s said all of this to make that impossible so she will be her only mother.
But that’s to the detriment of my daughter, my daughter clearly has mental health issues and whilst they could be from other things I know that feeling unloved, unwanted and having being told this information that is outright lies must be weighing heavily on her and making her feel inadequate. I can’t imagine if I was adopted and I heard things like that about my bio mum, it would devastate me and I would hate myself.
I don’t know what I’m hoping to gain from this post just looking for advice. I can contact her in 3 years. But I’m scared in those 3 years something bad could happen with the way her mental health is, and that something bad may happen without her knowing the truth about how much I love her.
I’ve been off sick from work since, I have been an emotional wreck. I just hope she’s okay even if she does hate me. Of course I’d love to tell her the truth but more than anything I want her to know the truth for the sake of her own mental well-being even if that means she still doesn’t want to speak to me. Social services just keep telling me that they can’t discuss anything with her about me beyond the basics of the fact that she’s adopted. The rest is down to adoptive mother to disclose if she wishes. When she is 18 she will get access to her file and know the true circumstances but until then, everything she knows is based on lies.
I fully understand her angry reaction because I can understand being told that about your bio mother would upset and anger anyone. I’m more concerned about the fact her adoptive mum thinks this is ok just to keep daughter close to her and away from me but to the detriment of her mental health and feelings. She could have just for example said “your mum was young so couldn’t care for you but I’m sure she loves you” that’s what I’d say if I was an adoptive mother - even if that wasn’t the truth!

I'm looking for other people who have osteoporosis or osteopenia to share their experience with accutane. How did it impact your joint pain (did you have pain already), do you feel that your pain increased after accutane? Do you feel you can tell if it was worsening with time, or as a result of the medication? I welcome anything else you'd like to share. For example. exercises, additions to your diets, icing your joints etc.
About me: I (27) was diagnosed with osteopenia, cusping on osteoporosis, several months before starting accutane. My dermatologist is aware of my diagnosis, we decided on a low dose as to not worsen my periodic knee pain. Now that I'm on month two I've noticed an increase in pain frequency but it is not more intense and it does not prevent me from doing anything. I notified my derm of the increased frequency.
Treatment: I take a vitamin d and calcium supplement, (in addition to a calcium rich diet). I also take fish oil pills daily. I walk and bike, and am working on incorporating weight bearing exercises.
Thank you in advance.
DisclaimeNote: I'm seeking other people's experiences but I am not trying to replace consult with medical professionals with advice from reddit. I have an endocrinologist and a primary care provider who are running appropriate tests and providing me with sound medical advice. We suspect we know the root cause but are exploring all possibilities.
My endocrinologist stated there isn't conclusive evidence that accutane is harmful for people with low bone density, but there isn't concrete evidence saying it isn't damaging. Essentially it's a possible side effect, like the other +20 side effects.

A lot of people use this as an elimination diet. This is the place to post questions about that.
Please read the Getting Started here before posting -- https://www.reddit.com/carnivore/wiki/faq/#wiki_getting_started
[there's a more extensive FAQ at zerocarb, https://www.reddit.com/zerocarb/wiki/faq/ but for a brief, 3 week - 3 month trial, that's probably more than you want to know :D ]
it may be helpful to include other foods -- eggs, dairy -- during the first week or two of transition.
when you are ready, do a trial with fatty meat only, since eggs and dairy are common allergens/intolerances.
How long to do the trial -- depends how long to get a baseline. Some notice an improvement in a matter of days, most within a few weeks. There are some who need longer, particularly difficult problems like UC or Crohn's.
It takes effort to learn how to do this diet for a stretch longer than a few weeks, but it can be useful to learn because it's like riding a bicycle, you can get right back to it if you ever need it to help deal with a flare up.
Quick explainer for why this diet is hard to transition into -- when you remove all carbohydrate, you'll develop specific preferences for the types of meat and fat and the fat ratio and you'll need to learn what they are by trying things. With experience, you'll learn how to read your body's cues, initially it's a question of trial and error. Try different meats, cuts, sources of fat.
Will it be a problem for your microbiome?
Nope. The microbiome adjusts quickly to what is being eaten, starting with the first meal.
People go back and forth on zerocarb all the time -- it was a protocol for bodybuilding without steroids, developed by Vince Gironda and is still in use by some folks for the same purpose. (Google around his use of diets, it was impressive what he achieved and taught others. Steak and eggs were used for the cutting phase, for getting lean)
For people with health conditions, who are intolerant to some foods, they find removing them completely gives them more leeway for exceptions later on.
Although, when you first find your reactions, the initial reintroduction will probably be pretty bad... "Oh, that's what was causing that joint pain, arrggggh!"
For allergies, they don't change. It's the intolerances which you can develop more resilience for.
If the food you have an intolerance to is something you'd like to include, try again every 3 - 12 months, to see if your reaction has lessened.
(Allergies and intolerances can have similar reactions -- skin conditions, joint pain, GI problems, or headaches, etc -- the difference is that an allergy only requires a trace.
Intolerances require a larger exposure, a larger amount of the food, or repeated exposure.)
Good luck with your trial --
This diet can save years of excluding and reintroducing one food at a time to try to find the culprit!

Hello! Back in early April I had a pretty severe stomach bug, about 10 days to stop having what I would consider diarrhea.
Then I was pretty good for like a week, then started having some pain in my ankle on 19 April. By 21 April my ankle was so swollen I had to use crutches. I had no idea what was happening. I already had crutches from a previous injury so I just got around on those for like a day and a half hoping it would just go away, unfortunately it did not. I went to an ER, they did an x ray, nothing broken, after 5 hours they sent me home. Went to my PCM, they just reflexively referred me for an MRI and PT. When I finally got to the PT she was uncomfortable trying to do anything with my foot because it was so swollen and had a rash on it.
That night I went to a different ER, They were a lot more thorough. They did a lot of blood draws and even drew fluid from my ankle itself. Most importantly, they gave me a referral to rheumatology.
When I finally got to the rheumatologist, they were quick to say it was almost certainly reactive arthritis. They had asked the ER to do a test for HLAB27, but the results weren’t back yet. He wanted to do another draw of fluid from my ankle, which I was not crazy about, but he also said he’d inject a steroid which would help bring the swelling down and make it so I could walk again. This I wanted very much. He did give me the steroid shot and 2 days from that I’ve been able to hobble around without my crutches, but it’s very painful first thing in the morning and gradually gets easier to walk around by evening.
The rheumatologist asked about my eyes, and though I said one of them had been producing some gunk, and maybe had a mild case of conjunctivitis, they were fine. He presciently advised me of ophthalmology walk in hours. A few days later I would need that information as my left eye has basically gone blind, extremely cloudy at least, I could “see” but it was as if through thick smoke. If my other eye were nearly as deprecated, I would not be able to function as a sighted person. This was quickly diagnosed as Uveitis. I’ve now been on 3 different eye drops for 2+ weeks to try to control the inflammation in my eye. The vision has only slightly improved in it, but it seems to be on a positive trajectory. The ophthalmologists were also the ones to tell me in a follow up that my HLA-B27 results back positive, and they were pretty bleak about the prognosis.
Now, I’m not sure if it’s the latest front in my reactive arthritis, or a consequence of my hobbling gait, but my left knee (the side opposite my compromised ankle) has become stiff and swollen. It’s a little painful to bend it fully. I’m paranoid that it’s going to continue swelling and become another impediment to me walking normally. My lower back has also begun to stiffen and I am paranoid that that is ankolysing spondilitis. The toes of the foot with my compromised ankle are also swollen, I fear those joints may become fused. I told my husband about these concerns and he’s now afraid I’m becoming a hypochondriac. He’s been fantastic throughout this taking care of me and bringing me things when I couldn’t walk, even driving me to work some days when it really hurt to drive. But his reaction to that made me sad and made me worry about whether all of this pains and debilitations are the new normal for my life.
Thanks to anyone for reading. It’s been helpful reading through the posts here and seeing what everyone else has been going through and especially hearing about recovery timelines. I’m open to any advice. The rheumatologist in our first encounter mentioned getting more aggressive with oral steroids or biologics, when we last talked I felt like everything was on the mend and my knee had only just started acting up and I was sure it was because of my hobble. Now I kind of want to reach back out and ask to start on all the oral steroids and whatever else will get me back to normal and keep this from ever happening again.

I’m a first year physics student and i’ve hated my course since the beginning. It’s not a thing of finding it difficult at all, but Majority of the chapters just don’t really interest me and It’s med physics so it’s very bio, chem and anatomy heavy – which is the part i dislike most. I filled in the CAO when I was 16 and sat the LC a week or two after I turned 17. No clue what I wanted to do, thought i’d like something to do with med/medtech. Hated it. I’ve already reapplied to go into joint honours maths and stats at UCD as the maths is what i liked most in physics and i’ve always enjoyed maths in school so I did pretty well in it. Aside from this though, I had a seriously difficult time concentrating in school and didn’t do so great in other subjects, so my points are kind of limited with the inflation, but decent enough. It’s 3 year degree through arts. I’ve been kinda wary about this but from everyone i’ve spoken to, it should all be fine especially since i plan to get a HDip in stats after the 3 years and hopefully at some later point do a masters. Wouldn’t mind teaching either. I’ve considered more straightforward pathways but points are an issue.
My dad is fine with it, his usual cool, and just said to make sure to research it all and have a plan. My mom however is pushing me to the edge. She wants me to stay in my current course, (I have ADHD i genuinely won’t be able to stick through it if i’m not interested) and thinks i’m stepping into something that isn’t secure. She’s been nagging me about it several times a day for the past week or so, keeps going on about how she wants to be ‘kept in the loop’, thinks she knows it all, me and my dad both know she’s a bit loopy, but she’s genuinely pushing me to the edge here. I’m already stressed as fuck, i’ve been jumping from contact to contact speaking to someone new everyday to make sure im getting all the info i can about this course and she’s just amplifying it all. I just had a huge anxiety attack in front of her earlier because I genuinely could not take the stress — i don’t even know what i’m asking anymore I just need someone to tell me it’ll all work out fine.

Please don't judge me or be harsh or trolling. I can't handle it at this point in time right now.... I am just moments close to ending everything because I just can't handle it anymore. please if you judge me just keep it to yourself please..
I am on ssi and ssd getting 158 on the first and 805 on the 3rd. the ssd is after both my parents passed they put me on my dads disability drawing off what he earned working but I was originally on ssi to begin with.
I get about 963 a month total to live on. Right now I am in major debt with credit cards since covid broke out. I had to use them to live on.
I moved in with my aunt who is living in apartments based on income but they are not section 8 but they accept section 8. When i moved in, i was told by the manager i didn't need to put my income since i was a cotenant. that was 10 yrs ago. come to find out. i had to put my income now i am being sued by the housing authority for 10k, i owe two more years. my aunt and i pay 220 a month to them. they don't care what happened they just want their money.
i owe one credit card company 4.5k, another 1.8k another 600 and another 700. when i applied for them, it was 3 plus years ago. i put that i made around 700k a year when i applied to them but i was on ssdi at the time making around 11k a year. i went on the websites 3 months ago fixed the right info.
I live in a small town where nothing is available for the next 20 plus miles and have no transport. my aunt won't take me anywhere. her son who si in his late 30's lives with us and works. my aunt is on disability. I get food stamps right now worth a 130 a month which goes to my aunt even though its for me. i pay her 450 a month rent incl internet lights and 130 in food. if i don't give her the food stamps then i have to pay her another 130 a month i can't afford since all my stuff is going to her and credit cards. i legit have nothing left each month right now with having to buy myself instant mashed potatoes, oatmeal top ramen soup, noodles and spaghetti sauce. i live on that through the month.
when she buys food with the food stamps it feeds her son, me and her. but it is only enough to last a week, then for the next 3 weeks i am starving barely eating because i can't afford much when i do buy stuff that i can put in my bedroom to eat on.
past week now, there has been no food, her son has been taking his mom and him out to eat all week not bringing anything home for me. im so hungry. the nearest food bank is 4 miles away one way, but i have no way to get there my aunt won't take me they don't deliver and when i tried getting medicaid transport to take me they said they don't schedule rides except to and from the dr's.
I have no other family, I have no friends. I have no vehicle. been trying to get a minivan so I could live in it. I am sometimes bed ridden due to my bad joints/back/knees/feet/right leg nerve damage. I also struggle from morbid obesity I am around 500 lbs and funny thing is, with how little i eat. i should be losing weight but its the complete opposite.
I will be 47 yrs old when I am out of debt with the credit card companies, I tried filing bankruptcy no one will touch me being under 10k in debt with the credit card companies. i contacted legal aid, the attorney who called me back said he can't help me because its under 10k. but told me how to file but chances of me filing and getting it are slim to none esp without legal help he said.
im thinking of ending my life next month when my aunt and her son leave for a week. I just can't keep living like this. if i had a minivan I could stay in it, do door dash for extra money, I could get around trying to find an aparment based on income. I bene accepted a few times to low income places but had no way to get there and now with all the debt I wouldn't be able to afford having my own place with the credit card debt.
if i stop paying the cards, and the debt collectors come after me, they could take me to court and if they do, they could show the judge i said i made 700k a year and i didn't make that much and was on disability at the time and making only 11k a year. i found out while looking into bankruptcy that it is fraud and i could face prison time.
i just don't know what to do anymore. i really don't know what to do anymore other than ending things next month to get out of this situation i put myself in with my aunt, debt, etc. I just can't do it anymore esp without a vehicle. esp since I am bed ridden half of the day here and there due to my bad joints and weight that i have carried around for 30 yrs destroying my joints and causing nerve damage to my right leg. I can't just get up and go on the streets and live on the streets not with how badly im in pain every day esp just walking to the corner store. just a simple walk to the corner store and back and i am bed rested for an entire day barely able to move.
i can't do it anymore...

Please don't judge me or be harsh or trolling. I can't handle it at this point in time right now.... I am just moments close to ending everything because I just can't handle it anymore. please if you judge me just keep it to yourself please..
I am on ssi and ssd getting 158 on the first and 805 on the 3rd. the ssd is after both my parents passed they put me on my dads disability drawing off what he earned working but I was originally on ssi to begin with.
I get about 963 a month total to live on. Right now I am in major debt with credit cards since covid broke out. I had to use them to live on.
I moved in with my aunt who is living in apartments based on income but they are not section 8 but they accept section 8. When i moved in, i was told by the manager i didn't need to put my income since i was a cotenant. that was 10 yrs ago. come to find out. i had to put my income now i am being sued by the housing authority for 10k, i owe two more years. my aunt and i pay 220 a month to them. they don't care what happened they just want their money.
i owe one credit card company 4.5k, another 1.8k another 600 and another 700. when i applied for them, it was 3 plus years ago. i put that i made around 700k a year when i applied to them but i was on ssdi at the time making around 11k a year. i went on the websites 3 months ago fixed the right info.
I live in a small town where nothing is available for the next 20 plus miles and have no transport. my aunt won't take me anywhere. her son who si in his late 30's lives with us and works. my aunt is on disability. I get food stamps right now worth a 130 a month which goes to my aunt even though its for me. i pay her 450 a month rent incl internet lights and 130 in food. if i don't give her the food stamps then i have to pay her another 130 a month i can't afford since all my stuff is going to her and credit cards. i legit have nothing left each month right now with having to buy myself instant mashed potatoes, oatmeal top ramen soup, noodles and spaghetti sauce. i live on that through the month.
when she buys food with the food stamps it feeds her son, me and her. but it is only enough to last a week, then for the next 3 weeks i am starving barely eating because i can't afford much when i do buy stuff that i can put in my bedroom to eat on.
past week now, there has been no food, her son has been taking his mom and him out to eat all week not bringing anything home for me. im so hungry. the nearest food bank is 4 miles away one way, but i have no way to get there my aunt won't take me they don't deliver and when i tried getting medicaid transport to take me they said they don't schedule rides except to and from the dr's.
I have no other family, I have no friends. I have no vehicle. been trying to get a minivan so I could live in it. I am sometimes bed ridden due to my bad joints/back/knees/feet/right leg nerve damage. I also struggle from morbid obesity I am around 500 lbs and funny thing is, with how little i eat. i should be losing weight but its the complete opposite.
I will be 47 yrs old when I am out of debt with the credit card companies, I tried filing bankruptcy no one will touch me being under 10k in debt with the credit card companies. i contacted legal aid, the attorney who called me back said he can't help me because its under 10k. but told me how to file but chances of me filing and getting it are slim to none esp without legal help he said.
im thinking of ending my life next month when my aunt and her son leave for a week. I just can't keep living like this. if i had a minivan I could stay in it, do door dash for extra money, I could get around trying to find an aparment based on income. I bene accepted a few times to low income places but had no way to get there and now with all the debt I wouldn't be able to afford having my own place with the credit card debt.
if i stop paying the cards, and the debt collectors come after me, they could take me to court and if they do, they could show the judge i said i made 700k a year and i didn't make that much and was on disability at the time and making only 11k a year. i found out while looking into bankruptcy that it is fraud and i could face prison time.
i just don't know what to do anymore. i really don't know what to do anymore other than ending things next month to get out of this situation i put myself in with my aunt, debt, etc. I just can't do it anymore esp without a vehicle. esp since I am bed ridden half of the day here and there due to my bad joints and weight that i have carried around for 30 yrs destroying my joints and causing nerve damage to my right leg. I can't just get up and go on the streets and live on the streets not with how badly im in pain every day esp just walking to the corner store. just a simple walk to the corner store and back and i am bed rested for an entire day barely able to move.
i can't do it anymore...

Thank you in advance if you happen to read all of this; I know it’s super long but no one around me seems to understand what I’m going through.
For years I’ve had issues with my sinuses, asthma, food allergies, and flushing. About 2 years ago all of these things seemed to increase.
My pulmonologist has been treating my asthma aggressively. I was on 60mg of prednisone for about 6 months and was eventually able to taper down over 2 years to 15mg (going up and down during flares) after adding new inhalers and Dupixent for awhile (am on Tezspire now, Dupixent caused too many side effects.)
It seems like the lower my prednisone goes, the more asthma/allergy exacerbations I have. Over the last month everything has gotten progressively worse as I’ve been trying to stay around 9-10mg of prednisone. A week ago I had multiple anaphylaxis-like symptoms when eating cheese bread so I assumed maybe I developed a wheat allergy. The symptoms went away after awhile (besides the lymph node area swelling) after taking more Zyrtec and Benadryl and using my inhalers. After talking to my allergist he said that a random wheat allergy was extremely unlikely, and when I was talking about tachycardia and flushing (especially after eating) he brought up MCAS.
I had heard of it before but that was about it, so I did some research and I’m just…. I don’t know I guess, sad? I have almost every symptom you can think of, and it would explain why I can’t seem to lower the prednisone dose without reactions. Over the last 6 months I’ve also developed new allergies to azithromycin, Augmentin, and fluconazole which I have taken for years with zero problems and that was also a red flag to my allergist.
Right now the only foods/drinks that don’t seem to cause flushing and the facial/neck puffiness are Boost drinks, Carnation Breakfast Essentials, milk, cheese, peach juice, Sprite, and potato chips.
He has ordered a bunch of labs that I need to get done and had me increase my Zyrtec to twice daily, along with adding Pepcid twice daily which seems to be helping. I’m already on Singulair and he said to keep taking that as well. I take Benadryl when needed during the day but it makes me so tired that I just feel useless. I do have an epipen thankfully because of several anaphylaxis episodes (some to foods I know I’m allergic to and 2 random ones that seemed to happen out of nowhere.)
I’ve been reading the subreddit and info online and feel kind of hopeless. Is it possible to live normally with something like this? I don’t care much about not having a wide range of foods to choose from but the thought of anything causing an allergic reaction freaks me out.
I decided to make this post after my husband’s cooking (I think smell maybe) caused allergy symptoms for the millionth time. Could these things just be something else maybe? My doctor seems to think that this must be the issue for all of my symptoms, especially since a lot of them don’t go together (joint pain, narcolepsy that developed around age 18, allergic reactions, temperature change intolerance, random rashes, GI issues, asthma/allergy exacerbations when super stressed, etc).
Sorry for the length! I just wanted someone to vent to that understands these things. 😔

I found out I MC on Monday, the day after Mother’s Day. I was 10 weeks 5 days and chose to take Misoprostol instead of a D&C, as I have a hard time with being put to sleep. 24 hours after taking the misoprostol, I had severe cramping and then a huge gush, almost like my water breaking, and then a lot of stuff came out. And almost immediately, the pain and cramping went away completely. I was too distraught to take a close look at what all came out, but since then I’ve bled about the same as a normal period, every now and then passing small clots and something that I assume was the placenta. It’s been almost week (6 days) and now my bleeding has lightened up quite a bit, it mostly just looks like old blood now and is super on and off.
This is my problem, sorry in advance if this is too TMI. When I was pregnant, I had a SCH and was advised against sex/orgasming. Well, it’s been over a month now since I’ve been able to do either and I’ve literally been having orgasms in my sleep the past three nights because of it. Today, my partner and I had extremelyyyyy gentle sex, meaning he barely entered me (just the tip) and it lasted maybe 2 minutes (we both have been extremely backed up to say the least). My doctor never advised against sex or said anything about when it was safe to, all of the info I was given about Misoprostol didn’t have anything on it about waiting until a certain time or anything. When I look it up, some places say that you just have to wait a week, some places say you have to wait until your check up appointment, some say you can once you feel ready. Does anyone have any insight into this or experience with sex after Misoprostol?

Hi all,
Seems like I’m in my second ever cycle after my headaches appeared 2 years ago, stayed around for about 6 weeks and disappeared until last week. Same time of year as well. My neurologist at the time gave me Indomethacin but I was at the end of my cycle by the time I was able to see her for an appointment so I only took it a few times and stopped (I didn’t like the way it made me feel either). I was still in the broad TAC headache diagnosis of CH vs PH vs whatever that last one is at the time.
Now, when the headaches started again I resumed the Indo x3 a day while waiting for an appointment with my neuro. I felt like it kind of worked but also didn’t do much to help with the frequency or pain. I was almost 24 hours headache free the day I saw her of course (only a few days into the cycle) and she gave me an occipital nerve block as well as prescriptions for Sumatriptain 6mg injections and Emgality (still waiting on it from pharmacy). Immediately after the block I felt familiar shadows but nothing that escalated. Until the next day, headaches resumed enough to make me feel like the block didn’t work. I almost feel like the block made the headaches worse (or maybe I just got lucky being 24 hours free of CH before it, idk). Either way, neuro is more confident that my diagnosis is indeed CH due to the fact they’re too long (3 hours or under) for the other TAC types, among other things.
Tried the sumatriptan last night for the first time at 12am when I felt an attack coming on. The side effects weren’t pleasant but bearable enough, I think it did stop the attack in its tracks. But the second I opened my eyes this morning at 7am I had another attack immediately. I contemplated doing another pen but it was barely 7 hours since the last and I didn’t want to fly through my supply so I tried to suffer through it. It wasn’t a 10/10 but maybe like a 8/10 pain atleast. I passed back out until 12pm at some point, woke back up to another (this time mild) attack and still have a weird pain just lingering. My whole head just feels heavy too and odd. My right eye (the site of the attacks) feels…sore?
Anyway, could this be the sumatriptan? It gave me relief last night but my headaches just feel more persistent now. I’m just so defeated guys. What meds have you guys found that helps? Any experience with nerve blocks too? I’m desperate for info here D:

I’d love to get some insight and advice from anyone that has any experience dealing with Lyme as I’m in a really tricky spot and and I’m so worried about taking anything for my Lyme since I’m currently breastfeeding my 5 month old. My symptoms have been on and off for years now that I think of it, but I never thought to get tested for Lyme, nor did any of my doctors. I always thought I had some sort of underlying autoimmune issue that would cause joint pain and swelling here and there as well as fatigue. I just sort of learned to deal with it. The real pain began after I had my baby 5 months ago. My joint pain and swelling became unbearable. I can barely walk first thing in the morning, my joints swell so badly that I can’t get my rings off of my fingers, my hips and neck ache constantly and my wrists feel like they're going to snap every time I pick up my son. I went to see a doctor about my pain, never expecting a positive Lyme result, but in fact it turns out I am positive for Borreliolis immunoblot Igm, Lyme screen Igm, duncani immuniblot Igm, bartonella immnoblot Igm, as well as babesia immunoblot Igm. My doctor believes I’ve had this in my system for a long time and he wrote me a prescription for one antiviral called Nystatin and one antibiotic called Cefuroxime Acetil 500mg. I’m supposed to take both 2x per day. He says this should cure my Lyme completely within a month. If I wasn’t breast feeding I probably would have just jumped on board and done what he said but I’m extremely hesitant because I don’t want my baby to get exposed to a bunch if antibiotics that could disrupt his system. My doctor said it was “safe” while breastfeeding but he also said that my baby could end up with abdominal discomfort and diarrhea from it which leads me to believe it’s obviously going to affect him in some capacity. Because of this I started reading more about natural ways of healing Lyme and I’m seeing a lot about herbal treatments and hyperbolic chambers etc but I’m a little lost and would love to know what worked for everyone. Would you recommend taking the antibiotics in conjunction with herbs (in that case I may sadly decide to stop breastfeeding) meaning I’d wait to start treatment for at least another month or two. Or would you suggest I stick with herbal treatment only? Any advice or personal experience would be so appreciated!

I dread making appointments. Calling doctor’s offices are my personal nightmare. It’s part of what took me so long to get back on T (that and the whole moving out of a red state and temporarily losing my health insurance when the transfer fell through).
Now I’m in an insurance plan with no deductible so I made an appointment last month to see a new primary care provider. My sister recommended the doctor because she sees her and they have a spot to preferred name and pronouns. The doctor was great, honestly. Better than the last pcp I saw. I let her know I wanted a physical, a prescription for a new inhaler (was using an expired one rip), and referrals to a rheumatologist and to a doctor that could prescribe me T.
She didn’t have a specific type of doctor to refer me to, but instead referred me to a Pride clinic over an hour and a half away from me. She also commented that my joint issues might not have a cause, but that doesn’t mean I should live in pain because I haven’t worked with a doctor to get a diagnosis (last rheumy I saw said could be lupus or arthritis and gave meds for both, ignored that I hated the meds, and never tried to diagnose me. She also commented every visit on how she wanted me to join a gym. I was in severe pain and was still losing weight and didn’t have money for a gym)
Anyway- I tried calling the clinic. No answer. Tried again the next day at a different time. No answer. Submitted an online form for an appt. It’s been over a week and I’ve heard nothing.
So someone here linked me to a map of doctor’s offices that do informed consent. One is a pride clinic associated with a different hospital and only 40 min away. I submitted the form requesting an appointment. Missed the first call (2 days later), but called back later that day and spoke to someone at the hospital’s call center. She asked my name, gave her my legal name (for insurance) and immediately said “I go by Jake”
She took more info and then said she’d transfer me directly to the pride clinic so they could help schedule me. The person that greeted me immediately addressed me as “Jake.” It’s such a small thing, n I know the clinic only has lgbtqia+ staff and it might be silly to get so excited over immediately being called Jake, but it made me feel so good about choosing them.
6/11 can’t come fast enough :)