I want to enjoy this summer as like, my last free summer, but idk if it'd like get me side eyes if I still used my parents money this summer even if they didn't mind. I'm 18 and I graduate high school in a few days
New accounts may have to use a pass phrase to post here.

Can we drop the toxic positivity for a second and address the actual problems DB employees face? We make SO little, my stand in particular makes only $2.75 above minimum wage and we DO get good tips but… so does starbucks and the starbucks employees in my state make $9.25 above minimum wage. We put up with extremely frigid temperatures, whatever degree it is outside it is inside the shop, whether that’s 15 degrees or 80 degrees, whenever it’s cold it’s FREEZING and we work 5+ hour shifts in those conditions and still have to grab ICE out of the ice bins and practically freeze our fingers off, and whenever it’s hot the bar heats up and we have to use hot water to clean things and we sweat our lil butts off!! we move around heavy boxes and heavy sharp metal machine pieces frequently, there are WAY too many OSHA complaints and workers comp at DB. my shop has had falls, burns, cuts, concussions, etc. Also line-busting is very difficult when it’s busy and there’s only one of you, you don’t ever get a break to go inside because the line NEVER STOPS… even if it’s 85 degrees out and you’re sunburnt and sweating. I know it’s different at slower locations but coming from a very busy stand, we almost always feel understaffed ESPECIALLY on closes and i am constantly running like a chicken with their head cut off around the shop. also only .50 raise for becoming a shift lead? that’s crazy. especially for the things shift leads have to do and put up with- counting till, splitting tips, stock, the freeze machines, training, being responsible for everyone’s breaks and making sure they clock in and out at the right time, dealing with the technology, the vibes of the shop being totally reliant on you, the pressure is way more on for you to never miss a shift or to always be on time, being able to emotionally support the staff and understand where everyone’s strengths and weaknesses lie and knowing when to utilize their strengths and when to work on their weak areas, and so much more. starbucks has a union and their shift leads legit get paid double what we do and they get bonuses when they train employees. I have burnt myself, cut myself, got so cold my limbs were numb, got so hot i’ve almost passed out, i’ve gotten bursitis twice from stocking or cleaning, and i do it all with a smile on my face with customers and encouraging my baristas. How can we change this? I need DB to invest in their employees and that means more than a free shirt every 3 months. I am very greatful for the free shirts and they are one of the great things about being a DB employee, but it’s hard to constantly be happy, energetic, customer loving, and productive when it’s 80 degrees in the shop, were understaffed, we’re expected to have drains, stock, the freeze machine, deep clean parts of the bar, and (specifically for shift leads) lead an entire shop! there’s no reason why we are breaking our backs for barely above minimum wage and can’t afford to live. investing in your employees is the greatest investment you can make as a company. we often say customers are the bread and butter of our company, which is true for a smaller business, but an over-worked and underpaid employee whom you’re paying a not even livable wage to will not care about an extra $5 golden eagle leaving the mega million dollar company’s pocket when a custie decides the line is moving too slow and no longer wants to order. the employees are now too, the bread and butter of this chain. LOVE your employees, incentivize them to WANT to care for the chain and the customers by being fast and efficient and smiling through their most stressful moments. healthy happy employees = a healthy and happy shop = happy custies! and i’m sorry but we need more than un-livable wage and a few free shirts. DB can do better.

I'm not sure exactly what I did, because the game forces you to complete a tutorial, and while I was tooling around in the menus I saw that I had unlocked the first reward on some pass or quest or whatever.
It was Jason, who I did intend to buy anyway. But now I just have him. Just a heads-up if you decided against spending money on the heavily monetized live service smash clone, lol. Got what I wanted for free.

To preface: I love Chaos in 40k/30k. Its my favorite faction in the setting, and that will not change
Think, for a second if you will, about Chaos in 40k. It is, without a shadow of a doubt, my favorite overarching force and conglomerate of factions within the entire setting. Why? Well, as others have gone to great lengths to point out – both in and outside of the lore perspective and POV – Chaos is us; our thoughts, emotions, hopes, dreams and sins, dialed up to 11. You may start down the road to hell with noble intent, and you may even die on that same road nobly. Live long enough, however, and accrue too much infamy and corruption, you will court the favor of the Dark Gods, their neverborn, and a myriad of other warp entities, and it will damn you eternally.
With that being said, I think 40K Chaos, as it currently stands, gets absolutely shafted in one realm that AoS and, hell, even The Horus Heresy does better: the mysticism and esoterism surrounding corruption and ritual, as well as the variety in which the various “faces” of Chaos are presented.
Lets examine our “modern” 40k for a moment, shall we? It is often said that unsanctioned knowledge of the Chaos Gods most popular names - Khorne, Slaanesh, Tzeentch and Nurgle – is grounds for immediate execution and the purging of all known (and suspected) family and associates. Fair enough, you are invoking the names and the attention of four deities who’s desire is to add this universe to the infinite number of realms they’ve already subsumed with the warp in their Great Game. Even if that attention comes in the form of some undivided lesser daemon, maybe appearing as a shadowy figure in the rough shape of a human, that one daemon could spell utter doom for a Hive World of trillions.
Ok, yet, the “true” names of the Gods are subjective, aren’t they? Khar’neth, Nurgleth, Slaaneth, Tzaarneth. The more archaic, brutal sounding titles? She Who Thirsts, The Bloody Hunter, Lord of Ravens, and Grandfather Crow? Oftentimes, when Ecclesiarchal missions descend upon a world, especially feral planets, they encounter preexisting religions among the human populace. More often than not, via religious syncretism, the co-opt the tribal deities and spirits of these planets, supplanting them with Imperial Saints and directing total and unwavering devotion to a singular deity, the one true God Emperor of Mankind, in any face that may take. Yet, these planets are not populated by overt Chaos worshippers more often than not, are they? Some tribes, of course, may be deemed too barbaric and flirting with the Pantheon, and thus put to the sword. Yet, more often than not, they merely become new branches of the Imperial Creed.
Now, we all understand worship goes somewhere in the warp. More and more within the lore, the human emanations of faith is psychically reflected, applying the calculus of “structure” in the random, roiling seas of the empyrean. The Emperor of Mankind has, it would seem, indeed become The God Emperor of Mankind. Trillions-Quadrillions of humans, across millions of worlds, over ten thousand+ years, had supplemented The Emperor’s own singular psychic might into something that, if not truly divine under known definitions, warrants their re-examination.
So, where am I going with this? Well, the Chaos Gods operate under as many names and guises as there are planets and cultures within the galaxy. In the Screaming Vortex, whole tribes of warriors drench their blades in the vitae of their enemies in order to earn the favor of Baphtar (Khorne). Thagus Daravek, Abaddon’s main rival for the title of Warmaster during the formative years of the Black Legion, refers to Tzeentch as The Shifting Many. So on, and so on. In The Solar War, reference is made to the billions of mortal auxiliary soldiers on the side of The Warmaster’s Horde, cultists and Imperial Army alike, who “worship the same old gods, with different names” (paraphrasing off memory there, forgive me any inaccuracy).
Those forgotten and repressed faiths, surviving in the dark temples and cult lodges on the fringes of Imperial society, in ramshackle underhive temples or feral world sepulchers of painted rocks and skulls, formed much of the basis for esoterism and occult ritual much of 30k’s more nuanced and detailed approach to Chaos comes from. Maloghurst, burning incense and using Cthonian death coins as the catalyst for sorcerous ritual. The importance of ingredients like horsehair, or more mundane offerings like the tears of a virgin or the blood of a king, or how swords and other melee weaponry, through their symbolism, are far more effective at combatting daemons than conventional weaponry such as autoguns, lasrifles and bolters.
30k just did it better. The cosmology of Chaos – especially with the recent references of Aetheric Dominions – is so much more fleshed out, or to put it more aptly, diverse than in current 40k. Undivided Daemons running amok, ritual that isn’t just virgin’s blood being dumped on the bodies of psychic children daubed in the tears of those lashed 8-by-8 times to summon Borgathula, Eater of a Thousand Stars. The True Names of the Dark Gods are considered a privilege to know, and even then, what are they?
If I were to take it a step further, I’d even argue Age of Sigmar, for its flaws, does so as well, with its Warcry Warbands (boo GW for discontinuing the bulk of those models, shame on you) and their lore providing some of the most interesting lore on just how certain groups can come to worship of their own aspects of Chaos. The Everflame? Coiled Ones? Great Gatherer? Supreme Predator? Tarantulos? Those are F****** awesome. Even in the Lord of the Endtimes novel, we get a superbly interesting depiction of a monk-like daemon prince, who’s followers offer their worship in caste-like tithes. The lowest of the mortal dregs in this prince’s fortress tithe their worship to more powerful warriors, who in turn pass their worship to mortal lieutenants and bound and subjugated daemons, who then offer their worship to the daemon prince, who is the only one allowed to offer the sum of their worship to the Dark Gods. Any others who do so are punished with death.
We get so much of that in 30k/Fantasy/AOS that just translates to so little in 40k, and I think that it’s a damn shame that more writers aren’t going that route
Or, are they?
Now, I understand that after 10,000 years and trillions/quadrillions of loyal Imperial souls imparting the significance of their own symbology into the warp, things may change. A bolter blessed by the local Ecclesiarch in incense and sprinkled with bone dust of holy men may be just as effective in combatting daemons as a sword these days, though I’d find that to be -slightly - lazy writing in context of time. Yet, I’d argue right now, certain writers are looking to The Horus Heresy for inspiration
We’ve had sprinklings of it throughout the decades. Balphomael, greater daemon of Chaos Undivided and a spirit of Faustian bargains, was the first reference we received in a while via FFG Dark Heresy supplements that Undivided Daemons were not simply retconned out of the setting. Then came Samus, first described as an undivided daemon, then assigned a “KHORNE” keyword, then a proto-daemon of The Dark King, and now once again undivided. Madail, Great Daemon and Herald of Undivided. Hell, from what I’ve recently read, even Malice was recently referenced as an entity of Chaos, still worshipped by the titularly named Sons of Malice as recently as BFGA 2. With that seems to be coming a re-examination from a small bit of writers, especially those who write Chaos well. I’ll cite examples such as the Fabius Bile trilogy, where it is acknowledged that the worship from the innumerable lines of mutants and new men spawned by Bile’s gene-tampering clings to him like a cloak, and “Pater Mutatis” is coalescing, or perhaps even already exists, as a chaotic entity within the warp. Vashtorr, Greater Daemon Undivided and Lord of the Soul Forge, has at least one warband who view him as a patron and focal point of worship, and he, as other daemon’s of sufficient power, offers them blessings and mutations in line with his sphere of influence. Yesugei, sealed away in the Blood Gorgon’s Cauldron of Blood, is their patron daemon, while the warband itself still venerates the Pantheon yet declare themselves free of the slavery to them other warbands and legions are bound to. Hell, somewhere in the warp, Madail still exists, Greater Daemon and Herald of Chaos Undivided
I think, as time goes on, many more writers are going to begin taking the nuanced, diverse approach to Chaos. I’d challenge the idea that Aetheric Dominions are a means of introducing future Chaos Gods to the setting, but rather that the five “open seats” or points on the octed star operate as contested spheres, planes of Chaos in which the big 4 all have stakes in, and thus those under which more powerful and, distinctly undivided entities can spawn and operate. With any luck, I believe even more diverse and interesting Chaos Cults may be featured, one’s whose beliefs don’t just boil down to “HARHARHAR I sip the blood of virgins from the skulls of my enemies in the name of my Dark Masters! Now bring me more heads to bash with my axe!” No, instead we’ll start seeing things like “The burning man comes, the head of a black wolf atop his ash-flecked molten form, and he commands me to spill the blood of the dishonorable… and there is none among this whole planet with honor aside from myself and my kin.”

I loaded into my game on pc I played the beta on Xbox and got my rewards and last time but this time i didn’t get my stuff back same account and I didn’t get the battle pass for free either does anyone know if this is a glitch or is everyone not eligible for the rewards ?.

This is a crosspost from the other sub, but I feel like this needs to be talked about
Seems to be the talking point of the day, but this is something I feel like has to have some noise made about it. I have genuinely no idea what they were thinking. Not a single bit of this makes sense outside of "big company like money"
This absolutely decimates any chance of tournament play because no organizers outside of the biggest of the big are going to want to spend or perhaps even have the resources to buy every single Fighter on multiple machines just to have Multiversus make an appearance
This destroys Local Play because now whoever's machine is being played on is not going to have a full roster. So if anybody wants to play anything other than what the owner has unlocked, then they're just SOL
And it's completely anti-consumer because now you can't even try a Fighter in training to see if you like them or not before you buy. If you buy and don't like? Sorry, bud, thanks for the Gleamium/Fighter's Currency. Go back to grinding or drop some money. On top of that, they are now charging money for a benefit/luxury/content that was previously given to us for free, which is just... wonderful
So what does pricing look like for this since you have to buy everything now? I'll even be generous and exclude Jason and Banana Guard since they are basically free right now. Assuming you want to unlock everything, you can drop *$50 for six character's worth of Gleamium*. Which means you will be paying *$200* to unlock the entire current roster of 19 locked characters plus the next 5. Or you can buy the Battle Pass to grind out the resources while spending less money, which will net you... one character's worth of Gleamium and one character's worth of Fighter's Currency. I'm not even going to mention what's free in the Battle Pass because it isn't worth it. You won't get enough. This is on top of the Training Missions, which I am going to assume is a set of missions for each new player (though I am admittedly unsure of, feel free to correct me), which will get you... one character's worth of Fighter's Currency and some change. Joy.
I understand that this is F2P and that online play has locked characters to make money. I've honestly always had a problem with it because I think it goes too far into "better buy the new character or you will just be at a disadvantage" (like Mauga was in Overwatch at launch if you play that game), but I understand the pricing model. But I can't fathom why anyone would choose Multiversus as a fun platform fighter to play with friends with this change in effect. Why would someone drop $200 to get a roster to play with friends when they could drop $50 for NASB for a similar concept with a full roster and more stages? Or, of course, go back to SSBU, which had us pay $115 for a complete game with 2 rounds of DLC and overall more content than Multiversus could even dream of having at the moment. And these are just the first two that everyone thinks of, this isn't even including every competitor Multiversus has, like Rivals of Aether and it's upcoming sequel, Rivals 2. With more and more platform fighters coming out, Multiversus can't afford to alienate it's entire casual and LAN tournament audiences like this
I've been wary of the F2P model since Multiversus came out, and it looks like this is the point where they want to see how much ground they can take like Overwatch did with its heroes in their Battle Pass. OW reverted that change after enough outcry, so let's see if "Player First" Games decides to listen

OKAY OKAY, I might sound crazy but I have watched almost every single youtube video known to man lmao, and almost every good action movie that 2000 and up, I bet I missed some thought, Sooo far I have watched (and this is in order of my favs RECENTLY)
Blade Runner 2049
Baby Driver
All Fast and Furious movies (bc im a car guy)
Road House (2024)
Dredd
FALL GUY
Bullet Train
Alita Battle Angel
The new batman
Boy Kills World
John WIck 1 and 4
NoBody
Ride along 1 & 2
Kingsman
Dune 2
Furiosa (idk spelling)
Mad Max Furry Road
John Wick 2 and 3
V for Vendetta
LUCY
Pacific RIm
Focus
Kingsman Golden Circle
Godzilla (2014)
Ready Player One
Most Xmen movies
Joker
Most Blade movies
Most Rocky movies
DeadPool
Inception
All batman mvoes (even the 60s)
All Matrix Movies
All MAD MAX movies
Predator
All Terminator movies
some mission impossible movies
Creed 1 and 2
KillBill 1
Free Guy
All Hobit And Lord of the Rings
Suicide Squad 1 & 2
All Marvel Movies (yes all after 2000)
Most new DC movies after 2010
and about 100+ other action only movies (the last 2-3 years)
1000+ all generes (last 2-3 years)
Anyways moral of the story lol Im bored and literally cant forcefeed myself anymore B.S off of youtube bc i cant find nothing good on TV. LOL I kinda hate rewatching stuff idk why, but if I really like a movie ill rewatch it maybe 10 times in a lifetime unless its my top 5, then imma watch it once with each one of the important people in my life... Anyways based off my list of the very FEW action movies i have listed (lol I swear I passed english) what would yall reccomend thats after 2000s (ACTION) (idk why but i cant stand old movies i watched so many growing up w my dad bc he has seen like idk 600000 movies or so idk) (p.s i swear i do other shit than watch tv lmao it sounds like I havent done anything in 2-3 years but i have lol I HAVE HOBBIES)

Just describing and interaction. This is in Dallas Texas in a pretty multicultural area. Was at Chik Fil A eating with a friend. At a table with about 8 seats, we had taken 2 of them. Soon after a group of white men who looked to be in some type of construction or civic service came over and asked "is anyone sitting here?" I say politely " No, you're good", saying that it's fine to sit there. I resume conversation with my friend.
Within 2 min of resuming my conversation, I hear some talk out of the corner of my ear and I can just make out one of them saying " Well now we're sitting with the Asians". Whether this was meant derogatorily, or in what manner or reference this man was speaking to I cannot really say, as I tried to ignore their conversation. I knew if I listened in any more it would be very obvious and it would make it worse. It really bugged me however the fact that I heard this in passing. It's sometimes so unbelievable to me that I think I'm having auditory hallucinations.
Are you just allowed to say something so divisive in plain english out in the open? What is this guys thought process? Is this just a dig to see if I get riled? Does he get sick satisfaction knowing that he can talk shit to his buddies right in front of me and I can't do anything about it? What is the endgame here? Are you just a sourpuss that blames every slight in your life on everyone but you? What is the purpose of that comment?
More than that, I started to imagine the vitriol I would receive if after they had sat down I had said " Well now we're sitting with the whiteys" or something to that effect. These big, burly, bearded, construction fucks would have ripped me a new one if I had said the same thing as them and they wouldn't hesitate one bit to call me out on it.
I understand this is Texas, though it being Dallas, one of the most multicultural cities. I understand there are lower level redneck white people who never picked up anything more to read than a bud light can. I understand that there are negative sentiments out there in the zeitgeist. What really pisses me off is the fact that I am barred from behaving the same way and having the same right to "free speech" or heehawing my mind like a well tuned donkey. People do not have equal rights socially in this country. We as Indians have to meekly take the hit, and keep kissing ass, thinking the black people or white people or asian people will see our good will and wisen up. We have to do this because there is very little solidarity among Indians to begin with.
Yet I just have to be quiet and go about my conversation as if I heard nothing while my blood boils on the inside and I have to post it anonymously on reddit.
I am also aware that many of you will see this as an overreaction. Then go out and do the same in front of a group of white people, let them hear you, and when they react, call it overt, see what happens and please get back to me.

Jump is here.
Apologies if a new post for the same Jump before a week passes is too soon. I didn't see any rules about it, and figured the original post was far enough down the list. For those who are interested in the Jump, thanks for giving it a try. Hopefully anyone who enjoyed the 1.0 will also like the changes and additions.
I've sufficiently excised my brain worms on this, I think, so I wouldn't expect another update after this unless someone points out a glaring mistake or embarrassing typos.
Changelog:

Update to v1.3

• -Buffed the Fighter’s It Just Needs Some Spit perk
• -Buffed the Fighter’s A Fort To Call Your Own item
• -Buffed the Tomes, Tomes, Tomes item
• -Buffed Sir Roth's Sword to make it more attractive to a Jumper
• -Added a smithy to the Fighter’s A Fort To Call Your Own item
• -Added a benefit to purchasing caste, in the Class & Caste choice for Sha’ahoul
• -Adjusted the Chalice of Life item to better match its in-game counterpart
• -Adjusted the Fiery Shroud of the Inferno item to better match its in-game counterpart
• -Adjusted the Wizard’s Staff item’s description to better illustrate it isn’t its in-game counterpart
• -Adjusted the Fistful of Crowns item, from 50 to 75 crowns
• -Adjusted the Enchanted Armour item to play nice with the new items
• -Lowered the cost for the Enchanted Rings item
• -Added the Fedora of the Deceiver item
• -Added the Just As Worthy Protection item
• -Added the Forty Bars of Fine Steel item
• -Added the A Proficient Alchemist general perk
• -Added the A Proficient Blacksmith general perk
• -Added the Elven Ranger companion
• -Added the Naga Pathfinder companion
• -Made one addition to the Optional Scenario's rewards and expanded its description

Update to v1.2

• -Buffed the Fighter perk Elven Warrior Training
• -Buffed the Very Good Dog
• -Gave all Companions a moderate buff
• -Added the Not Just Any Dwarf Companion
• -Added the Nameless Apprentice Companion
• -Added the Younger Dreamwalker Companion

Update to v1.1

• -Corrected typos and spelling
• -Added the training yard to the Fighter’s A Fort To Call Your Own
• -Buffed the Scout’s Magical Mask post Jump
• -Added bathrooms and amenities to the Mage’s Wizard’s Tower
• -Made canon companions free, with an option to spend CP to give them their own
• -Added the drawback I Don’t Need Ten Years
• -Finished descriptions for Spells in the Notes section
• -Formatting

I'm a "non-op" trans woman with a slender body and pretty "perky" chest that grew thanks to HRT. I'm told I mostly if not yet fully pass. 5'7". 130lbs.
I recently come to terms with that I would prefer an open relationship, but it feels impossible to find any guys who are open to ethical non-monogomy that actually want a relationship because they already all have partners or just looking for something casual. I'm bashful and don't really like to rush into talking about sex. I want to get to know a person first to see if we vibe and if I feel comfortable being intimate with them. I'm at a point in my life where I want a primary partner but still want us both to be able to explore other people.
It feels like a lot to put that on my dating app profiles since it's already a lot for most guys that I'm trans. I just want a nice good looking guy who wants to do right by me.
Maybe I'm asking for too much, but if there any guys in the Burbank/LA area who read this who would be interested in such a thing feel free to reach out.

I could really use advice please:
Context- I had a friend who was like a brother to me. In the spring of 2023 after the death of my mom and relationship issues that I went through in late 2022. I met this friend who was very supportive, and honestly, he became more of a brother to then my actual biological brother. He was, at that time, a great person to talk to and be around. I knew at that time he had anger and bi polar disorder (he told me he was diagnosed with it). Fast forward to him graduating, and then in the summer and fall of 2023, he's now struggling financially and dealing with unemployment and immigration problems. I felt like since he lived close to my apartment and that since he was a great friend, when i needed it, I should help him in any way i could. i went out of my way for him constantly and brought him food, medicine, etc when he was unemployed and the times he ran outta food after finding a job ralated to his degree (the job paid shit but made it possible for him to stay in country). I made an effort to include him in the groups of ppl I hung out, and most of the time, I'd drive him whenever he needed to go for free 95 percent of the time. He at that time period would always try to return the favor as the best he could like the times he tried to introduce me to these group of girls that friends with the girl he was interested in dating and with studying for Spanish exams. Around the Xmas of 2023, he saved up whatever money he had and surprised me with two video games that he found at the used section of gamestop. I struggle with paranoia and anxiety but he was someone I felt like I could trust at that time and him trying to help me out in return and the video games made see him as kinda the brother I wish I always had
Now fast forward to like 4 or 5 weeks ago. Me, him, and our mutual friend are in my car. I am driving. Me and him started bickering, and it turned into him screaming at the top of his lungs at my face to point, my ears were ringing suddenly, causing me to nearly crash into a pole. Looking back I stupidly escalated the situation by punching him in the face once after the second time he screamed in my face and enrotched unto the drivers side. He kept trying to grab at my arm nearing causing a second crash. I'm not the "good guy" in this situation and had a role in escalating it after he'd react. Eventually I pulled over to the side of the road and our mutual friend got out of the car and convinced him to leave. The situation continued later when he called me amd threatened to sue me and he'd get the cops involved and I told him he's more likely to be in more trouble for the near accidents and dangerous conditions he iniated etc. The heated phone call continued until our mutual friend got him off his phone. After the call, I was super depressed and wanted things to go back they used to be before. Two hours later, he calls again apologizes for his actions, and so do I. We end the call by agreeing to speak another time within that coming week when tensions are gone. The next day, he apologized to me over the direct message app and he invites me over to his place. At his place he and the mutual friend are amicable, and it seems as if things might be alright. The next day, he messages me on direct message and says he wants nothing to do with me and he doesn't want to speak to me again. I get extremely pissed and tell him inreturn tell him how he's a liar and to never speak to me or anyone I associate with again. He then blocks me from that direct messenger. I go onto a different social media platform and block him, and remove him from every single group we are in. I was so angry i blocked and removed him from every social media app. I wanted to fight him so badly at that point and I guess me blocking and removing him from things was a self mechanism to avoid driving back to his place and fighting him but so I could feel like I "won".
I'm still angry, sad, and depressed bout happened. Sometimes I get so angry I feel intense hatred towards him other times I get depressed at what happened. I've getting headaches and migranes from getting that angry. I don't have anyone to go for advice on how to let go since my mom who I could go to for advice passed away in late 2022 and My dad helped me purchase that car so I feel like he'd give me grief for what happened and i prefer my friends not know much about happened. So I came here on this reddit. I don't wanna ever see my former friend again after the way we both acted there's no fixing it and we are both lucky we didn't get arrested or die in the incident. I'd like some advice on how to get this depression anger and sadness out of my head please.

I didn't register in time for the free Kesha event on Friday. I imagine they would check passes for the paid events but how strict are they for the free one on Friday? My first pride in WeHo and not sure how they operate.

I feel like I have to start from the beginning....again
Trigger Warning mention about suicide. Self harm and ideation. Domestic and emotional abuse.
Long post alert
I'm sorry if this isn't isn't right sub for this. But I've been watching vids on YouTube about surviving the abuse. And it's been triggering? Even though I thought I was over this. But I keep getting flashbacks AGAIN lately.
For some back story,
I'm 29F got together with this man not long after highschool. Turning 19. He was 7 years older than me. Looking back I feel he may have preyed on me since I was friends with his brother in highschool. I have complex ptsd and major depressive disorder. Generalized anxiety disorder.
Its been a little less than 2 years since i left. He technically broke up first with me but i was like well if you feel that way than imma go. I was miserable and over his shit by that point. Felt trapped. So i took that as my sign as im free. Cause he can't be upset with me if he ends it, right? I saw the opportunity and ran with it.
Didnt say a damn thing while I packed. Sulked on the bed instead. I even talked with his daughter who was 15 at the time, had the talk with her how me and her dad weren't gonna work out. Reassured her that it was not her fault and i would love to still remain in her life. She was the only daughter i ever had. Was involved in her life for 4 years. He didnt wanna join the discussion so i did what needed to be done for his daughters sake. I sadly passed her each time going out the door to put my things in the car. She was in the living room. So upward I go to my mom's, I called her and she had no hesitation when I asked to come home.
Once I get to my parents, he starts blowing me up. Spam messaging and calling and I told him I needed time to think. "We'd been together almost 9 years and your gone all day and send me a long breakup text after you finally get home and I'm in the shower. This is literally what you asked for, and youre broken up about it? How do you think i feel" Were my thoughts
I came back the next day cause he threatened suicide and i was genuinely scared. Called police. Told him i think well be ok if you get some help and stayed for a month or so when he just got worse. I didnt know at the time he relapsed. His emotional abuse and trying to control me grew errily intense from what i was used to. Was saying I was starting an argument anytime I was trying ti communicate because he would just not.
Throughout our time together, at least living together, He'd go from saying and doing things like
"These are the conversations that are gonna make me put a bullet in my head" Getting angry at something so miniscule and breaking things like he always did, it had just extremely escalated to him trashing the apartment. Timing how long I'd be out at the store or at a work meeting. Didn't work and took full advantage of the stimulus checks and 600 unemployment every week during covid, which he spent on everything but rent. Which later down the road is why our landlords sued us.
I almost got 2 jobs. I nickled and dimed every mf thing to make ends meet. Living paycheck to paycheck. While he's gloating about what he just ordered. Than stressing about how he has no money for rent the next week. He ran my PayPal into debt and almost fucked my credit up. With his spending and the fact that we were being sued. I had to pay for everything. I saved his ass so many times. For almost a fkn decade. I kept saying if I help him he'll be caught up right? But than he'd run his debt in again. He sucked every pen y put of ALMOST all my inheritance money. Talking thousands.
He'd constantly complain about the car I bought him in full. We couldn't drive my car around because it was embarrassing for a women to drive her man around. I always had to be with him when he was doing whatever. Couldn't have any me time. He'd get upset at me gaming and streaming for 2 hours while he'd be at the gym for 4 hours.
Always put me down. Disencouraged any self care routines I'd try cause they'd take too long. Genuinely got pissed at me if I was falling asleep before he did. Give me a hard time if I didn't get the right brand items at the store or even groceries.
Nothing I did was right or enough. Over 100k wasn't enough money. No amount of hours I worked were enough to escape his rath. Nothing I did was fast enough. I used to tell him my life wasn't the drivethru timing at my old job. At some point I just gave up fighting him on it.
He sucked the life outta me. My optimism I'd always have and encouraged him with was gone. This was the life I was meant to live I'd think. I was planning a suicide and self harming shortly after my return back to him. Which was about a month later. I was convinced everyoned wanted me dead. I was just a tool. Only good for money, errands, chores, and BJs. I was just an object to him. Nothing more and much less.
I left again end of october 2022 when i thought he was cheating. He hid my stuff in the closet when a girl came over. Always said he was lusting over other women. Always showed me pics of men and women and would ask me if id fuck them. Said it was ok to find people attractive.
Got to the last straw, left, and didnt look back. Not until i got to my parents did i realize he was emotionally abusive. I stayed ferm on my boundaries. He commited suicide less than 2 months after i left. Blamed me in his note, which was a rewritten version of another he left at the house after the first time i left.
Blaming me and giving me one last fuck you was more important to him to stay in his daughters life. He abandoned his siblings. I felt such a fucked up irony at the time cause it was alnost me. Now i dont feel guilty cause I know it's not my fault. saddly if he was still alive id be in such fear of my life. I was debating filing a restraining order the morning we found him.
The beginning of our relationship was extremely hard to handle. Probably the most difficult before we moved in together. I may have even dissociatrd through most of it? Im not sure how i survived while trying to take care of him. He was also homeless . He was occastionally physical like pushing. He threatened to kill me after hitting me once. But at thr time it happened i blamed myself cause he held everything over my head and i thought i deserved it. I blamed it on his drug use and drinking. I also hit him forst for saying harsh diragitory things to me. He was arrested the next day for breaking into a cops house. That night didnt exist to him and was denied anytime I brought it up(except the day after he broke down and apologized) he was always the victim.
Those early years before we moved in together are still hard to resinate with.
Why are his words in my voice in my head still? After all this time and therapy since his death. Its almost like im controlling myself thr way hed control me? I thougt ive come to terms with the emotional abuse and his death. Multiple times already. I even spread his ashes for fucks sake. And yet his energy still lingers. Not as bad as before granted. But my god man go tf away!
Maybe i repressed the physical occasions? And thr financial abuse? Again I was with him for 9 years. Lived with him for about 5-6 give or take.
Idk Why all this still haunts me? Idk How long it'll take until I find myself again, I thought I already have! Hes just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my trauma and i keep feeling like im back at square one.
I don't feel anxious or depressed even typing this. I just feel so lost. In the wrong world. Like im not cut out for life cause i have too much trauma. Too much baggage. Its too much too vent often to the people in my life now as i go through IOP. I don't wanna be in survival mode forever. Thanks for reading. Any advice is appreciated