Rash started on feet and hands and now is spreading to arms legs and buttocks

Which circular saw to buy for shed to office conversion

2024.05.19 15:11 k3vlar104 Which circular saw to buy for shed to office conversion

As in title I'm going to be attempting to convert a small wooden shed with a bare interior into a liveable office space i.e. full electrics, windows, insulation foam, wood panelling/plasterboard. I'm a complete novice and only own a DeWalt battery drill as far as tools go.
From what I understand I'd need a circular saw to cut any panelling I use as well as for cutting other wood pieces I might need (might venture into building fixed shelving/storage along one wall of the interior).
So far I've assessed I probably need one of
DCS565 Smaller and lighter 6" saw that takes 20v battery
DCS573 7" saw that takes 20v batteries but will run with more power on a 60v
DCS578 7" saw that takes only 60v batteries for the most powerful out of the three
I gravitated towards these only to find the video by ToolRev that puts these head to head so that was really helpful. He even shows that the DCS565 will output more power on a 60v battery too which doesn't seemed to be mentioned anywhere on the DeWalt product pages. He also comments that the DCS573 has a tendancy to stall as it is driving the same larger blade as the DCS578 but has less power in comparison.
But I still have no idea which one I should get based on the job at hand. I've read that the smaller DCS565 is fine for DIY but then elsewhere read that it's better to start off with a 7" because sooner or later you'll need that larger blade for certain cuts, and it can result in a cleaner cut depending on the job.
Here in Europe I can get my hands on either of the 7" for an extra €70 so may as well go for one of them, and at that point I'm looking at the DCS578 considering the stalling issue.
Is that overkill for what I'm doing though?? Now I feel like I'm one of those complete beginners buying the most expensive tools. Then again if I wasn't someone who had a tendency to throw money at expensive things I don't really need I wouldn't be looking at DeWalt now would I.
I briefly looked at cordless but with what the battery tools can do these days I don't see the point. I'd rather pay a bit more for the convenience of cordless and I will have a couple of 60v batteries from garden tools.
Any advice? What should I go with for the shed conversion and further work after? Should I be looking at any other circular saws? Other saw types?
submitted by k3vlar104 to Dewalt [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 15:10 theninadaniel Confused whether my ex was a narcissist or i was doubting all along?

Confused, whether my ex was narcissist or I was doubting all along?
Hey, just wanted to come here and share my story. I am 20-year-old (F). Last year in July, I came across a guy (30M) on an app. We shared same ethnicity but he was living abroad for past decade. We matched, we clicked and I thought this was the man I had been looking for all my life. He seemed so sweet, fun to talk and charming. One thing that pulled me toward him was his respectful and polite attitude towards me (this was big for me since I am coming from a rough childhood), he used to call me 'Miss', respected my opinions, shared his own without making me feel uncomfortable and we were kind of cloning each other. Our beliefs and moral values seemed very similar.
We talked for about two weeks and it was a detailed discussion on life and how we view it. Later on, he told me he was looking for something serious and I, who is coming from traditional muslim culture, wanted nothing more than a serious relationship (marriage). So he sent a proposal my home, his family came and met my family (that is how it happens in our culture). My family was little hesitant because we did have some cultural differences but I wasn't too noisy about it. Long story short, we got engaged in the following September. He couldn't come so his mother fulfilled his duty that was to slip the ring on my finger. After the ceremony I video-called him, excited, and told him about the day and expressed how happy I am. I was expecting something, maybe a little spark in his eyes or something sweet to say but he wasn't reciprocating the enthusiasm. He only smiled and talked a few and that's it. Oftentimes I felt like he wasn't expressing enough but I never let my head go south. I always gave myself an explanation for his actions. Everything was going fine until he had to come to his home country for his father's surgery. During those times, I did my best to remain supportive, empathetic. I gave him space, stood beside him, cheered him up.
A few days before the surgery, he decided to meet me out of a blue and yes, this was first physical interaction. I was in uni when he told me and like every other girl, I wanted our first meeting to be special. For those who are unfamiliar of muslim traditions, it is not preferable to meet alone before nikkah (the marriage ceremony). So my family wanted someone with us and I wasn't much in favour of it. I knew my boundaries and just wanted to have some good time with him. Therefore, I asked him to reschedule so I can convince my family to allow us to meet in a public place. I was only 19 and considering my age, I didn't have much authority to take such decisions. He, on the other hand, got furious because I asked him to reschedule. I felt bad for breaking him as he said he was excited to meet me and he needed me the most in hard times like these. I felt guilty but the next day, we met. He came to my home to pick me up, had a chat with my family. My family (uncle and aunt since I'm living with them after my parents' divorce) allowed us to have dinner.
During the dinner date, I was nervous. My body felt shivers and I couldn't understand whether it was from excitement or anxiousness. He was driving quite rashly, I am also a driver so the reckless driving didn't scare me, i trusted him on this but I knew something about him was the reason behind my sweaty palms. I just couldn't spot it. We remained silent throughout the drive, I wanted to speak and I tried to initiate but he kept it short. Only music was filling the silence. We reached to a mall and I was observing whether he will open the door for me but to my surprise, he didn't. Instead he walked ahead of me. Watching him speeding off didn't leave a good feeling in my chest. He wanted a coffee so we went to get one. I didn't get anything for myself because all of a sudden I wasn't hungry anymore and also I forgot my wallet at home and my self respect didn't allow me to get anything. He ordered a burger for himself and shared some bites with me. I noticed he didn't pull out a chair for me nor did he let me step in and out of elevator first. Throughout the eating process, he remained silent and looked around. I felt awkward as I am lively person and this was the man I wanted to talk to the most. It was just an awkward silence that I wasn't expecting to be a part of our first date at all. He didn't feel like the man I was talking to on phone. That man was responsive, loving. This was just something else.
We went back to the car, again him leading and I following him in heels. Just when I was putting seatbelt on, he kissed me. It was my first kiss and he totally caught me off guard. Right after that he gave me a smug smile. He kissed me again and I was long lost to react on anything. It was a lot. I wanted to stop him but my feelings for him got a hold on me. I regretted that but I couldn't stop it. After dropping me home, he left a text "I had a great time with you". Whereas, I was convincing myself that I had a good time as well.
After that we didn't talk much about this dinner but a question remained in my mind, "how did he find me?" because to me, he was handsome and I was strongly attracted to him but I never got the clarity on how did I look to him, especially after spending time with him I got more curious. I offered him my support during the tough time and chose not to ask him the question. After his father's surgery, he kept forcing me to have lunches with him and i had without my family's knowing. After our every meet-up the question began eating my head a little more. Finally, after some days I decided to ask the question. To which he got mad. He blamed me for stressing him and accusing him of not liking me even though I just meant to ask him if he liked me. I needed reassurance but he got defensive and "warned" me that my fears and overthinking will ruin our relationship. That was the first stroke that hit my heart and I couldn't believe what happened with me. I felt horrible and cried myself to sleep The next day he acted completely normal and love-bombed me as if nothing happened. I remained silent to avoid conflict.
A few days later, he asked me to accompany him to his home that was in another city (his father's surgery took place in my city and they were in hospital). Now keeping the society where we both belong from, this was a big problem. I had to refuse him and over this he got furious again, blaming me for not wanting to spend time with him. I understood he lived his life in a western country but he knew his culture better than me, his family was far stricter in their customs than mine was and only if they had known that i visited their house before marriage alone with their son, it would have been a hell for me. It was wrong and I stayed with my decision. Later on, he asked me to meet him for the last time before he left. A day before the meeting, he started joking about having a fetish of having sex with a teenager. I kept brushing it as a joke until he directed it on me and when I asked him to wait for a year as we were to get married, he reasoned that I wouldn't be a teenager anymore and he could not wait that long. I confronted him about feeling manipulated and he got defensive. Long story short, he went back and after some times, he started noticing my silence. He asked me about it and I mustered courage and told him my worries. He listened to me quietly, didn't react like he normally did to my concerns but complained that I hurt him. For which I did feel bad as I never wanted to hurt him.
now the reason why I wrote this whole story was because he was a totally different man during the first third months of our conversation. He portrayed to be a knight in shining armour. His voice held so much meaning when he promised he would be the most understanding and patient person in my life. He felt like my saviour, my best friend and reason to live everyday. I suffered from parental neglect and absence and his promises healed me but when he acted contrary to his words, I used to get confused. I loved him, madly that even after five months of no contact I wake up to his thoughts. He has moved on and found someone else but I am back to my alone self, holding my broken pieces and working on my career. I felt like i was in a trauma bond but still again, sometimes I feel like due to my past traumas, I lost a good man. He made me believe so with his love bombing. I got addicted to him as he was the only source pf happiness. but I knew it has to end because he disrespected my grandfather and mother because they saw the same signs in my father even though I didn't tell them enough. Can you guys tell me what have you gotten from my story because I need to hear it from external sources.
submitted by theninadaniel to LifeAfterNarcissism [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 15:09 DrYangHF7 Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door cured my paralysis (瘫痪)

I am grateful to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for offering me this precious opportunity to share my experience of practising Buddhism with you.
I am 62 years old. Today, I can eat, sleep and walk like a normal person. However, did you know that I once was a paralyzed woman who could not even get up from bed, had difficulty turning over, and could not take care of myself? Through practising Buddhism and reciting Buddhist scriptures, I have completely freed myself from the misery of hell. I want to tell you with hard facts that practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures has not only given me a second life, but has also benefited me immensely. I want to share with you how I transformed myself from paralysis to health within four years without undergoing any surgery! May my presentation plant the seeds of bodhi in your hearts, so that more people will have faith in Guan Yin Bodhisattva who has boundless supernatural power, and recite Buddhist scriptures as soon as possible to be free from suffering and gain happiness!
1. When I was young, I opened two bars so I created bad karma, and karmic retribution is right on my heels!
I am the eldest daughter of my family and the eldest daughter-in-law of my in-laws family. Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist practitioners and urged me to practise Buddhism as well. However, because of my youthful ambition and good fortune, at the age of about 36, I ran two bars and enjoyed the pleasure of earning money, not bothering to practise Buddhism at all. By then, I was young and foolish, in the bars I gained filthy money by means of woman’s charms, which invariably created a lot of bad karma. How many people lost their morals and conscience for my sake of monetary gain? How many families have been broken up behind the scenes? How many people have done many things against ethics and morality under the paralysis of alcohol? I hereby express my deepest repentance to Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Karmic retribution is inescapable. I planted the evil cause so I reap the evil effect. The bad karma I created within two years of running the bars has brought me a tragic retribution 13 years later! (So, dear fellow practitioners, please take this as a warning!)
In 2010, I was 49, my predestined 369 calamity arrived. One day in July, my karma exploded. I suddenly collapsed at home kitchen while stirring frying vegetables. In an instant, I felt that the sky was falling, and I had nowhere to turn for help. An otherwise healthy me entered a life of hell on earth from then on. Every day, I ate, drank, pooped and peed in bed, had difficulty turning over, couldn't wash my hands and face, had trouble swallowing, so it was worse than death. I was paralyzed in bed from then on. The doctor said I had a herniated disc in my lower back. All the bones in my back were misaligned. Both knee bones were necrotic and so swollen. I have visited all the local city and provincial hospitals, big and small, to seek medical care. I almost spent all the several hundreds of thousands of RMB I had gained from my bar business. However, the condition got worse and worse.
2. Since encountering the excellent Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door, I have been practicing Buddhism hard to overcome any obstacles on the way and finally achieved a new life.
Perhaps it was the blessing from my family members who had been making offerings to the Buddha and practising Buddhism for years. Thanks to the mercy of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, I finally encountered the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door in 2012 when I was in the most desperate situation in my life. The person next door to my bar heard that I was sick and came to see me. She brought me Buddhist scripture, recitation device, Buddhism in Plain Terms, counters and many other Dharma gems. She told me the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door was very efficacious, and asked me to try it. Although I could not move on bed, I listened all Master Lu's recordings like a thirst. I was pleasantly surprised to hear cases of patients who had been cured of cancer and serious illnesses by practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures. The recordings of Master Lu's programs were like a bright beacon in the darkness, bringing me hope for life and giving me great encouragement. I felt I was awakened by a powerful energy, stirring up my strong desire to live. I told myself: I must survive; I must save myself! I started to practice Buddhism and recite scriptures as if I had grabbed a lifeline.
I am illiterate, so I had to lie in bed every day and learn to recite word by word with the recitation device. Due to the heavy karma, there was no virtuous and the high-minded practitioner around to teach me how to burn the Little Houses in a rational and lawful way. I foolishly took an ashtray instead of a plate to burn the Little Houses, which resulted in the ashtray blowing up. In order to eliminate karma quickly, I was foolishly reciting the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night, which resulted in the light bulbs breaking several times (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: Master Lu enlightened us not to recite the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night. Please make sure to read the Introduction to Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door carefully in order to avoid practising Buddhism irrationally). Therefore, we must follow the instructions of Master Lu, and never do what the Master does not allow us to do. The whole process of reciting Buddhist scriptures to eliminate karma is very bumpy. It is really easy to create karma, but very hard to eliminate it! However, I firmly believed that the Bodhisattva is infinitely powerful. As long as I diligently practised Buddhism, my fate would definitely get changed. Hence, I relied on the blissful cases in Master Lu's recordings as my spiritual support. I kept persevering, not afraid of any difficulties, and recklessly recited Buddhist scriptures.
Since I ate, drank and pooped in bed, my aura was very bad. As I could not get up by myself, so I had to lie in bed to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. I felt guilty and torn, wondering if this was the appropriate way to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. Will it affect the effect of the recitation? Gratitude to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassion, and I dreamed of Master Lu that night. Master Lu who was dressed in a black suit smiled at me and kindly comforted me: “don't worry.” After I woke up, I was very grateful for Master Lu's compassion. Master Lu knew about my special situation, so this is a sympathy and a condolence to me. After I recited Buddhist scriptures 4 to 5 months late, my neck and head were able to turn significantly. Such a Dharma blissful change thrilled me. All the trials and perseverance I had gone through in the past had not been in vain. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has boundless supernatural power, which had given me a glimmer of hope for recovery! (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: In the absence of illness, recitation of Buddhist scriptures must be respectful. A point of respect harvests a point of benefit.)
3. The unique characteristics of attending the Dharma conference and formally acknowledging Jun Hong Lu as my master allow my physical health to improve with Dharma joy
In February 2017, I befriended a fellow practitioner. She invited me to attend the Macau Dharma Convention together. I thought to myself: “can I take the bus by myself?” “Can I attend the conference?” With a strong faith from my inner heart, I attended the conference via keeping reciting the Great Compassion Mantra on the trip. Unbelievably, I arrived at the conference as I wished with the blessing and protection of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, although my bulky legs could only barely support my body in the seat. I was in tears when I listened Master Lu's wise words and saw the holy icon of Guan Yin Bodhisattva. On the night of the conference, I dreamed of Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for saving me from suffering and giving me a new life. At the end of the Macau Dharma Convention, I instantly made two vows: to be a vegetarian for 15 days per month and liberate 10,000 fish.
Before I attended the Macau Dharma Convention, I had to take a break whenever I walked two steps, and my body was not able to move much. After returning, my legs started to become strong enough to support my body and I could walk on flat ground. Despite they were not very flexible, they were no longer the same as when I was paralyzed like a limp in bed. My whole body is getting better and better in essence, vital energy, and spirit. I was very surprised! Master Lu has enlightened that there are many Buddhas and Bodhisattvas coming to bless attendees at each Dharma conference!
In August 2017, before the Dharma Convention in Malaysia, my fellow practitioners urged me to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as my master. Since I am an illiterate, compassionate fellow practitioners helped me to fill out the application form of seeking discipleship. My fellow practitioners told me that there were so many people wanted to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as their master that I might not be able to reach my wish this time. Then, I had to wait for the opportunity next Dharma Convention. I told myself that whether I could reach my wish or not this time, I would actively participate in Master Lu’s Dharma Convention. Considering my age, it is a blessing for me to attend one more Dharma Convention. To my surprise, one week later, my application for seeking discipleship was approved. Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
On the day of seeking discipleship, I was very excited. During the process of seeking discipleship, I heard a voice in stereo that was very loud. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see Tathagata Buddha, and many other Bodhisattvas coming down from heaven. At that moment, I saw that the upper half of Master Lu's Dharmakaya appeared transparent with a huge lotus flower. I was suddenly moved to tears. I was oblivious to the fact that Master Lu had come to my side until the time of issuing the discipleship certificate. Master Lu was very compassionate and empowered me with blessing. Master Lu enlightened, "Because five people opened their eyes during the worship ceremony, they have no lotuses planted in the pure land. But it's okay, when the ceremony is over, you can go to the front and kowtow to ask the Bodhisattva (to plant a lotus)." I then rushed to the front to worship. Before I finished worshiping Bodhisattva, a young fellow practitioner came over. He asked, "How do you feel? Did you see anything?" I said, "I saw Tathagata Buddha." He asked, "How are you sure that was Tathagata Buddha?" I said, "Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist disciples, and Tathagata Buddha has curly hair."
I was grateful for the compassionate blessing from Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu. When I returned home after seeking discipleship, I made two vows: to be a vegetarian for the rest of my life and never kill (animals). The power of a vow outweighs the force of karma. After I made the vows, Master Lu’s Dharmakaya came to help me heal my legs in my dreams. Once, I saw Master Lu’s Dharmakaya passing by my room while I was half-squinted. Master Lu asked me, "Which foot is uncomfortable? Where is aching?" Instantly I woke up and then I found that my feet didn't feel as heavy as they used to be and I walked more lightly. I excitedly shared the news with my old father, "Master Lu has come to bless me again!" I am grateful to Master Lu for his compassionate care for every sentient being. Every time I dreamed of Master Lu, he would always compassionately endow me with abundance of blessing, and I was always surprised by the improvement in my health.
In a short time, I could not only separate my feet and take turns to walk up and down the stairs independently. Moreover, I could bend back and forth freely with my arms crossed. The bones in my back, which were all misaligned and uneven, were now completely normal again. Previously, I couldn't raise my hands to wash my face, brush my teeth or comb my hair because the bones in my back would pull the nerves and cause severe pain when I raised my hands. In those days, whenever I sneezed or defecated, I felt like to cheat death on pain. In those hellish day I went through unimaginable pain and suffering. Now, however, I can take care of myself completely and move around freely. Sometimes I get a little tired after walking for too long, but I can recover after 10 minutes of rest in bed. Although it is still slightly bumpy while I was walking, if you don't look closely, you can't see it. My family was overwhelmed to see the dramatic change from being paralyzed and bedridden to walking independently since I practised Buddhism. My old father, who was taking care of me at the bedside, complimented me straight away: you have completely changed, becoming healthier and healthier now! I was so excited that I had tears in my eyes. Without the rescue of Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I really wouldn't have the blissful transformation I have today!
In 2019, at the Dharma conferences of Indonesia and Singapore, I pleaded with my fellow practitioners to be merciful to give me the opportunity to volunteer. According to the rules of the Dharma conference, I was already overage. However, I was adamant that I must do volunteer work. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has given me a second life, so I have to serve all sentient beings physically. I am grateful for Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva who helped me out. When I came back from the conferences, I found that I could bend and squat easily and freely, and I had no problem even sitting on the floor. I am grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for compassionately helping me to eliminate my karma at every conference, so that I can obtain incredible blessings and improvement occur every time.
4. The incredible blessing of setting up the Buddhist altar accelerated my health recovery and created a medical miracle.
From the time I set up the Buddhist altar in 2017, I insisted on offering Bodhisattvas incenses morning and evening every day. At first, the body was still straight and could not bend and bow. For two years, in front of the Buddhist altar, I prayed for Bodhisattvas to bless me so that I could recover my health a little better so I can use my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Dharma. Gradually, I was able to stand to offer incense to Bodhisattvas, to bend and bow, and finally to kneel in front of the Buddhist altar to recite the scriptures. I was full of Dharma joy! Initially, my back still hurt from kneeling. With the karmic obstacles being removed, my back didn't hurt anymore. Sometimes when I went out with fellow practitioners to set up the Buddhist altar, particularly on the Buddha's Birthday, I could kneel to recite the Eighty-eight Buddhas Great Repentance for an hour and a half. My fellow practitioners couldn't keep it up, so I was the only one who kept it up until the end. I am so grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassionate blessing!
At one time, the doctor at the provincial hospital told me that I had to have surgery to put two steel plates into the bone, but I refused. Because I firmly believe that with the of blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I am afraid of nothing. Buddha is an extraordinary doctor. The only way to recover completely is to repent sincerely and practise Buddhism. I can now move as freely as a normal person. This medical miracle achieved was completely relied on practising Buddhism, reciting scriptures, being a vegetarian, helping new practitioners to set up Buddhist altars, volunteering at Dharma conferences, and actively propagating the Dharma. To improve my family economic financial, I went out to work on construction sites as a helper, do cleaning and housekeeping!
Those patients who were once slightly paralyzed did not recover as quickly and well as I did, even with surgery.
Dear readers, when you see such a dramatic change in me, what are you hesitating for? Hurry up and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite! I am the living example, the ironclad evidence. Guan Yin Bodhisattva does exist, and She is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, answers any prayers.
Thinking of the bad karma I created in the two bars when I was young, I feel grievously sinful. I have earned ill-gotten wealth, but the karma was produced, and karmic retribution is inescapable. If one hasn't been retributed, the time hasn't come yet. After I got old, all the retribution came to me. Not only did I use up all my money, but I also had to suffer from physical illness and paralysis. I advise everyone to remember Master Lu's enlightenment: Do not do anything that is evil; Do not fail to do good no matter how petty the deed; Do not engage in evil no matter how trivial the deed. Dear readers, please consider it carefully before earning any money, and don’t commit such deep sins as I did for the sake of monetary gain, or else the consequences will follow you!
Without the merciful salvation and blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I would not have been reborn today! I made a few great wows: honour the teacher and respect his teachings, live an ascetic life for lifetime, be a vegetarian lifetime, not kill, not eat eggs, not smoke, not drink; transcend the cycle of rebirth for good and attain enlightenment in one lifetime. In this life, I will follow Guan Yin Bodhisattva to cultivate my mind and change my behaviour and never quit. I will follow my benefactor, the Compassionate father, Master Lu, to propagate Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door and never stop! Although I am over 60 years, I will continue using my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Buddhism. Together with my fellow practitioners, I will get up early and go home late to help set up Buddha altars for new practitioners. No matter how far and how difficult the trip is, I will always be strict with myself. I will go wherever I am needed. Even if I am eating, as soon as I receive a mission for propagating Dharma, I will put down my chopsticks and set off without delay.
Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door is peerlessly efficacious, and Guan Yin Bodhisattva is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, saves beings from suffering, has supernatural power, and answer all prayers. As long as we have a devout heart and we persist in reciting Buddhist scriptures and practicing Buddhism, no difficulty can defeat us! My physical changes are the most powerful evidence! May my true presentation give some inspiration to those people who are still suffering from illnesses, so that they can acquire faith to practising Buddhism, and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite. May more sentient beings having affinity with Buddha break free from delusion and attain enlightenment, balance egoism and altruism, and free from suffering and gain happiness.
My deepest gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
My deepest gratitude to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas from ten directions and three periods of time!
My deepest gratitude to the Dharma protectors!
My deepest gratitude to the selfless and altruistic Master Jun Hong Lu!
If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the truth in the presentation, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors, and Master Jun Hong Lu.
I’d also like to seek forgiveness from my fellow Buddhist practitioners.
I, not my fellow practitioners, will be responsible for my own karma!
Shared by: Dharma Practitioner Ganen, Gratitude and Namaste!
Translated by: Frank
Statement by Translator
  1. Story was translated from Chinese into English by meaning, not word by word. If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the true meaning of the Chinese version, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
  2. Author Ganen was interviewed by Frank during the translation for the detailed information.
Propagation
It would be greatly appreciated if you would forward this presentation to all sentient beings you know, sick or healthy. You will accumulate immeasurable merits and virtues. Saving a life is more meritorious than building a seven-floor pagoda!
Would you like to change your destiny?
We will show you how to do the Five Golden Buddhist Practices of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door: (1) making vows, (2) reciting Buddhist scriptures (sutras and mantras), (3) performing life liberation, (4) reading Buddhism in Plain Terms, and (5) repenting. You will personally witness how you and your family can achieve physical and mental stability, relief from illness and grievances, wisdom growth, academic progress, career advancement, and family happiness through Dharma. It’s free of charge.
Contact
Buddhist practitioner: Lily
Email: [sunnypurplelily@gmail.com](mailto:sunnypurplelily@gmail.com)
WeChat: HanJing20210820
原文如下:
从瘫痪卧床到行走自如做家政,心灵法门创造了医学奇迹
感恩南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨!
感恩十方三世一切诸佛菩萨!
感恩龙天护法金刚菩萨!
感恩恩师慈父卢军宏台长!
感恩师兄们!
感恩大慈大悲观世音菩萨慈悲,让我能有这个宝贵的机会与大家分享我的学佛经历。我今年62岁,现在是一个能吃、能睡、能走路的正常人了。但是,你们可曾知道,曾经,我是一个连床都起不了、翻身都困难,生活完全无法自理的瘫痪老人!如今,通过学佛念经,我把自己从地狱的苦海里完全挣脱了出来。我要用铁一般的事实告诉大家:学佛念经不仅给了我第二次生命,更让我受益无穷。我要跟大家分享,在这患病的四年里,在没有经历任何手术的情况下,如何让自己从瘫痪到健康的蜕变!愿我今天的分享给有缘人种下菩提种子,让更多的人相信观世音菩萨法力无边,早日学佛念经,离苦得乐!
1. 年轻时开酒吧造恶业,得现世报!
我是家中的长女、婆家的长媳。母亲和婆婆都是学佛人,都劝我也学佛。但是,由于年轻时好胜心强,加之财运不错,36岁左右,我经营两家酒吧,享受挣钱的快乐,根本无心学佛。年轻愚痴的我经营酒吧时靠女色来赚取黑钱,赚的都是不正之财,无形中造了很多恶业。在这种灯红酒绿中生活,我为了金钱利益,让多少人丧失了自己的道德与良知?背后又造成多少个家庭的破裂?又有多少人在酒精的麻痹下做出多少违背伦理道德的事情?弟子在此向观世音菩萨深深忏悔!因果报应丝毫不爽,种恶因得恶果。开酒吧这两年中我所造下的恶业,在十几年后让我得到悲惨的现世报!所以,请大家引以为戒!
2010年我49岁,正逢“三六九”关劫。7月的一天,我的业障大爆发,在家炒菜时突然间倒下。瞬间,我感觉天塌下来,叫天天不应,叫地地不灵。一个原本健康的我从此进入人间地狱般的生活。每天,我吃喝拉撒都在床上,翻身都很困难,没法自己洗手洗脸,吞咽困难,简直生不如死。我从此瘫痪在床。医生说我是腰椎间盘突出。后背的所有骨头都错位。两个膝盖骨头坏死,肿得很大。当地市里、省里大大小小的医院我都看过了。我几乎把我做酒吧生意所赚到的几十万块钱都花光了。然而,病情越来越严重。
2. 得遇殊胜法门,坎坷学佛路中坚持不懈地修行换来重生
也许是家人一直供佛学佛的福德。承蒙观世音菩萨慈悲,在我人生绝境之时,我终于在2012年得遇心灵法门。以前我开店隔壁的人听说我病倒了,就来看我。她给我送来了经书、念佛机、《白话佛法》、计数器等很多法宝。她告诉我心灵法门很灵验,让我试试。我躺在床上虽然无法动弹,却如饥似渴地把师父的录音听了个遍。听到人们通过学佛念经把癌症、重症都治愈的案例,我惊喜万分。师父的节目录音就像黑暗中的一盏明灯,让我看到了生活的希望,给了我很大的鼓舞。在这个过程中我像被一股强大的能量加持唤醒,激起了求生的强烈欲望。我告诉自己:我一定要活过来;我一定要自己救自己!我像抓住了救命稻草似地开始拼命学佛念经。
我不识字,只能每天躺在床上跟着念佛机一字一句地学着念。由于业力牵引,身边没有遇到善知识教我如理如法地烧送小房子。愚痴的我曾拿个烟灰缸代替盘子烧送经文组合小房子,结果烟灰缸炸掉了。为了抓紧时间消业,我晚上十点后还在念《心经》和《往生咒》,结果家里的灯坏了好几次(趁此机会我诚心提醒师兄们:师父开示,晚上十点后不要念诵《心经》和《往生咒》,请师兄们一定要好好看《心灵法门入门手册》,避免操作不如理不如法)。所以,我们一定要听师父的话,师父不让做的就不做。念经消业的整个过程非常坎坷。真是造业容易,消业难啊!但是,我坚信菩萨法力无边,只要精进努力,一定会得到改变的。于是,我依靠师父录音中的法喜案例作为精神支撑。我一直坚持不懈,不怕万难,拼命念经。
由于吃喝拉撒都在床上,气场非常不好,自己又无法起身,只能躺在床上念经。我内心愧疚又纠结,不知道这样念经是否如理如法?会不会影响念经效果?感恩菩萨慈悲,当晚我就梦见师父了。师父身穿着黑西装,一边慈祥地笑着一边安慰我:不要担心。醒来后,我非常感恩师父的慈悲。师父知道我的特殊情况,这是对我的宽容和安慰啊。后来,大概念经差不多4~5个月后,我的脖子和头也能明显地转动了。这样法喜的变化,让我激动万分。我过去所经历的磨难与坚持都没有白费。观世音菩萨法力无边,让我看到了康复的一丝希望!(作者提醒:师兄们,在没有病痛的情况下,念经一定要体态恭敬,一分恭敬一分受益。)
3. 参加法会与拜师的殊胜,让我的身体不断法喜蜕变
2017年2月份,我结识了一位师兄。她邀请我一起去参加澳门法会。我心想:我能自己坐车吗?能去法会吗?凭着内心坚定的信念,路途中我一直念《大悲咒》。虽然我笨重的双腿只能勉强支撑着身体坐在座位上,但在观世音菩萨一路加持护佑下,我竟然能够如愿到了法会现场。现场听到师父开示、看到观世音菩萨的圣像,我泪如雨下。大法会当天晚上,我就梦到了观世音菩萨!感恩大慈大悲救苦救难观世音菩萨救我于苦海,给了我新的生命和生活。澳门法会结束,我当即发愿:一个月吃素15天,放生一万条鱼。参加澳门法会前,只要走两步路我就要歇一歇,而且我的身体没办法大幅度活动。
澳门法会回来后,我的双腿开始变得有力,可以支撑起身子在平地上走路了。虽然还不是很灵活,但是比起原来像软泥一样瘫痪在床的状态,已经不可同年而语了。我整个人精、气、神也越来越好。我非常惊喜!师父开示过,每场法会有很多佛菩萨来加持大家!
2017年8月,马来西亚法会前,师兄们让我拜师,但我不识字。慈悲的师兄们帮助我代笔填写拜师申请表。师兄们告诉我,这次拜师的人太多,有可能排不上队,得等到下一场法会才有机会。我告诉自己,无论这次能不能拜师,我都一定积极参加师父的法会。我这么大年纪了,能参加多一场法会都是我的福报啊。让我惊喜的是,一个星期后,我的拜师申请通过了。感恩观世音菩萨慈悲!
拜师当天,我激动万分。在拜师过程中,我听到一个非常立体、非常响亮的声音。我睁开眼睛时,我竟然看到了如来佛祖,还有好多菩萨都从天上下来了。这时,我看到师父上半身的法身呈现透明状,有一朵大大的莲花。我顿时感动得泪如雨下。直到颁发弟子证的时候,我浑然不觉师父已经走到我的身边。师父非常慈悲,给我灌顶加持。师父说:“因为拜师过程中有5个人睁开了眼睛,所以莲花没有种上去。不过没关系,等拜师仪式结束后,可以到前面去磕头求菩萨。”我就赶紧跑到前面去拜。我还没拜完,就过来了一个年轻师兄。他问我:“您感觉怎么样?有没有看到什么?” 我告诉他:“我看到如来佛祖了。” 他说:“您怎么确定那是如来佛祖呢?”我说:”我家母和家婆是学佛人,如来佛祖头发卷卷的。”
感恩观世音菩萨与师父的慈悲加持。拜师结束回家我就发愿: 终生吃全素,不杀生。真是愿力大于业力,发愿后,师父又来梦里帮我治疗双腿。有一次,我半眯着眼睛看到师父从我的房间经过。师父问我:“还有哪只脚不舒服?还有哪个地方疼痛的?” 瞬间我就醒了,醒来我发现我的双脚没有了原来的沉重感,走起路来更加轻盈了。我激动地跟老父亲分享:“师父又来加持我啦!”感恩师父慈悲关怀着每一位众生。每次梦见师父,师父都慈悲给予加持,我的身体总会有惊喜的好转。
没过多久,我不仅可以分开双脚,轮流迈开步伐独立上下楼梯。而且,我双手叉腰,可以前后自如地弯腰。后背的骨头原本因为全部错位并高低不平,如今完全恢复正常了。原本我没办法把手举起来洗脸、刷牙和梳头,因为手一抬,后背的骨头扯神经会导致剧烈的疼痛。每次打喷嚏或排泄的时候,都有种痛不欲生的感觉,就像死里逃生一样。这种地狱般的日子让我历经常人难以想象的苦痛折磨。然而现在,我的生活可以完全自理并且行动自如。有时候走太久会有一点点累,但是卧床休息十几分钟就可以恢复过来。虽然走路还有一点点高低现象,但如果不仔细看,是看不出来的。看到我学佛念经以来,从瘫痪卧床到独立行走的巨大变化,我的家人无比震惊。当年在床头边照顾我的老父亲直夸我:现在整个人完全变了,变得越来越健康了!我激动得泪眼婆娑。没有观世音菩萨与师父的大慈大悲救苦救难,真的不会有我今天的法喜蜕变!
2019年印尼法会和新加坡法会上,我恳请师兄们慈悲给我做义工的机会。按照法会规定,我已经超龄了。但是,我坚决一定要做义工。观世音菩萨给了我第二次生命,我就要身体力行地为众生服务。感恩观世音菩萨的慈悲,让我能如愿以偿。从法会做完义工回来,我发现我可以轻松自如地弯腰和下蹲,就连坐在地板上也没有问题了。感恩菩萨每次法会上都慈悲帮我消业,让我每次都能有不可思议的加持,变化。
4. 设佛台的不可思议加持,加速我身体恢复健康,创造医学奇迹
从2017年设佛台起,我每天坚持上早晚香。起初,身体还是直直的,不能弯腰鞠躬。两年里,我每天在佛台前上香求菩萨加持,让我身体能恢复得更好一些,能为众生表法。慢慢地,我从站着上香到弯腰鞠躬,到最后可以跪在佛台前念经。真是法喜充满啊!刚开始跪着后背还是很痛。随着业障的消除,我的后背也不疼痛了。有时候和师兄们出去设佛台,遇到佛诞日,我跪着念诵《礼佛大忏悔文》足足有一个半小时的时间。许多师兄都坚持不下来,唯独我坚持到结束。真是感恩菩萨慈悲加持!
曾经,省医院的医生告诉我,必须做手术把两块钢板放进骨头里,但我回绝了。因为我坚信有观世音菩萨和师父两座靠山,我什么都不怕。在因果面前,佛是大药王。唯有诚心忏悔,学佛修行才能彻底康复。我完全靠学佛念经吃素、设佛台、参加法会做义工,积极弘法度人,才创造了医学奇迹:现在和正常人一样行动自如。我甚至去工地做小工,搞卫生、做家政弥补家用!那些曾经轻微瘫痪的患者就算做手术,也没有我恢复得快,恢复到如此好的状态。
读者朋友们,你们看到我如此天翻地覆的变化,还犹豫什么呢?赶快捧起经书念经吧!我就是活生生的例子,铁一般的证据。观世音菩萨真实存在,并且大慈大悲有求必应啊!
现在回想起年轻时开酒吧所造下的恶业,真是罪孽深重。不正之财赚到了,可是,因果报应丝毫不爽,不是不报,时候未到。在我人到老年时,所有的报应一涌而来。不但钱财全部用尽,还要遭受肉体病痛的瘫痪之苦,因果不空啊!奉劝大家一定要谨记师父的教诲:诸恶莫作,众善奉行!不以善小而不为;不以恶小而为之!挣任何钱财之前都要三思,切记不可为了金钱利益而像我一样造下如此深重的罪孽,否则果报如影随形!
没有观世音菩萨和师父的慈悲救度与加持,就没有我今天的重生!弟子许愿尊师重道、一生清修、终生吃全素、不杀生、不吃鸡蛋、不抽烟、不喝酒;一世修成,永断轮回。今生跟着观世音菩萨修心修行,永不退转。跟着恩师慈父卢军宏台长弘扬心灵法门永不停息!我虽然60多岁了,但是我要身体力行地为大家表法,起早贪黑地和共修组师兄们一起去助缘设佛台。无论路程多么遥远,多么艰辛,我都严格要求自己。哪里需要我,我就走到哪里。哪怕我在吃饭,只要接到弘法任务,我一定当即放下筷子,一刻也不能耽误地出发。
心灵法门灵验无比,观世音菩萨大慈大悲,救苦救难,法力无边,有求必应。只要我们有一颗虔诚的心,只要我们坚持念经修行,没有什么困难可以打倒我们!我的身体变化就是最有力的证据!愿我的真实分享给那些还在受着病痛折磨的人们一些启发,让大家生起学佛念经的信念,捧起经书念经,愿更多的有缘众生能够早日破迷开悟,自利利他,离苦得乐!
我的分享结束了,分享中如有不如理不如法的地方,请观世音菩萨慈悲原谅!请十方三世一切诸佛菩萨和龙天护法菩萨慈悲原谅!请师父慈悲原谅!请师兄们批评指正!我自己的业障自己背,不让师兄们背!感恩合十!
分享人:感恩~全素
2022-02-28
请将本文慈悲转发给瘫痪病人及其家属
请转发这篇文章给瘫痪病人及其家属,您会积累无量功德。救人一命,胜造七级浮屠!!!
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2024.05.19 15:08 DoGsPaWsLoVe Saturday 05/18/24: 11 Posts

Here is the recap of the 11 monetized posts from Kylea G Weight loss Journey on 05/18/24.
"Greed is a never-ending hunger, that drives people to sacrifice morals and values for personal gain." -Unknown
⚠️ Compulsive Buying Disorder (CBD), aka shopping addiction, Disordered Eating, Gaslighting, Grief, Illness, Infertility, TTC (trying to conceive) Community, and Religion will be discussed.
Disclaimers: I am not a physician, influencer, or paid content creator. I am not affiliated with WW. I am semi-retired from the healthcare field with multiple college degrees. These opinions are my own based on social media content. I wish no harm to Kylea or Joseph "Joe" Gomez.
☎️ If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, please call or text 988 for assistance.
Behind the Scenes Family Update: Kylea Gomez has been exploiting a life-changing medical diagnosis of a close relative (without their permission and against their wishes) to internet strangers in social media messages. She has claimed that she is supporting this relative (which is a lie) to justify her work ethic, productivity, and even basic hygiene issues. Let that sink in for a moment...
To this relative: You, your family, and medical team are in my prayers. ✝️
To Kylea's Biological Parents: Your daughter disparages your name and relationship for personal and financial gain frequently. No concert, trip, or gift provided to you with money obtained under (allegedly) false and deceptive pretenses justifies Kylea's disturbing behaviors. Stop enabling her.
California Clarification: Kylea was rejected by a Cavapoo breeder from adopting the Original Birdie (OB) during her California trip. I am thankful to the breeders of OB for making a tough decision in the best interest of the puppy. For me, this seals the deal that Kylea falsified details of this California trip, and rushed home to find Backup Birdie (BB) who is the focus of today's content.
The tagline of Kylea G Weight loss Journey is, "I changed my entire life with prayer and a playlist of songs. No surgery, no meds. Just Jesus."
DAILY STATS: 05/18/24
0/11 posts discussed prayer
0/11 posts discussed music
0/11 posts discussed exercise
3/11 posts discussed a recipe
1/11 posts was about takeout "coffee" at 5am
7/11 posts were about Birdie Mae 🐶
📢 For our friends at Meta, that means 63% of Kylea's monetized content had nothing to do with weight loss, which is the tagline and purpose of her page. Her weight loss journey ended July 2023 per her content. Why do you continue to pay her for non-weight loss content?
⚠️ Disordered Eating- Daily WW Points Used (Data compiled from monetized content):
1 WW Point: Crazy Llama "coffee" with almond milk, sugar-free vanilla, sugar-free peppermint, and sugar-free white chocolate
3 WW Points: Taco Soup with 12 Trader Joe's Rolled Corn Chili & Lime flavored Tortilla Chips
📢 For our friends at Meta, Kylea consumed 4 WW points out of (up to) 30 daily WW points= SEVERE disordered eating. This messaging is deadly for those on a weight loss journey. Follow your policies and take action.
Recipes Shared: 1. Taco Soup: 🚨 This recipe has dangerous sodium levels. Please know your daily sodium recommendations before making this recipe. 🚨
  1. Taco Rice Bowls: The soup is drained and added to 1 minute jalapeño rice with cheese. 🚨 The sodium alert is the same as above. 🚨
☎️ Please speak with a medical professional about any questions or concerns you have about your health.
Comments: To the animal lovers, I am sending you good vibes to get through this nonsense. Here we go...
  1. Coffee at 5am: Kylea and Joe are pictured in their vehicle outside Crazy Llama Coffee with the sun shining bright. Kylea claims she was home at 5 am and Joe took her right away to get her "favorite coffee."
⏸️ The sun rises in Joplin after 6am. Why lie? ⏸️ Her facial sunburn that disappeared yesterday is back today. How did that happen? ⏸️ Kylea claims she does not have cravings or temptations. However, she is addicted to sweet. Her "coffee" is beige colored at best and she needed it right away...
  1. Backup Birdie Part 1: Her airline approved pet travel accessory backpack is shown in the vehicle. "All my dog mom dreams are coming true today 💖 🐶"
  2. Backup Birdie Part 2: "My heart is so full!!! 💖 🐶 I got the cuddliest, cutest, sweetest girl. 😭 I cried when I met my puppy for the first time because I love her so much already!!"
⏸️ Kylea's followers immediately started asking to see pictures and were told they needed to wait until after Kylea's family met her first. HoWeVeR, some influencers (bestie Drue Basham, Drue's SIL Sierra, Brittany Bryant, etc.) got to see her first and comment from their influencer accounts about Birdie. I'm sorry loyal top fans and followers, possible cross-engagement from "trusted" influencers is more important than respecting your loyalty. Welcome inside the mind of a 🐈 🐟 er. Always trying to boost engagement, the algorithm, and gain new followers...
  1. Taco Soup Recipe: 🚨 This sodium monstrosity has canned beans, jarred salsa, enchilada sauce, rotel, roasted corn, a ranch seasoning packet, a taco seasoning packet, fresh chicken, and water. 😲
  2. Backup Birdie Part 3: "Welcome home 🏠 to our forever girl 🎀 Birdie Mae 🐶 She's already following Joseph and I around and has brought us so much joy. 🌈 🎀"
⏸️ The puppy shown does not appear to be a Cavapoo and Kylea refuses to answer follower questions about her breed. Remember, Birdie was not supposed to come home until May 20th, then May 19th.
To all individuals in the TTC Community, I know the 🌈 is a powerful symbol for you. I have experienced pregnancy loss and fertility care. My heart hurts for anyone triggered by the language Kylea uses and humanizing pets in reference to pregnancy loss. 🙏
  1. Backup Birdie Part 4: "The moment I held her, I just knew she was meant for me.🎀 🐶 She loves all of the cuddles which is good because I do too. 💖"
⏸️ Not one reference of her "sweet boy" Oliver or Alice. Where are the cats? BB is asleep on Kylea.
  1. Taco Soup Part 2: 🚨 Since it wasn't salty enough, why not put some chili & lime tortilla chips on top? Chef's 💋. Kylea held the bowl, showing her barefoot on the floor. I did NOT miss her feet content. 🤢
  2. Backup Birdie Part 5: "We already love her so much 🎀 💖" BB is asleep in a fuzzy blanket on her puppy bed.
  3. Backup Birdie Part 6: Within 30 minutes of this writer posting info in Reddit chat of how to file an animal complaint in Joplin, MO as a PSA (not a threat) encouraging Kylea & Joe to be crystal clear about Alice's whereabouts, a picture of Joe cuddling BB with Alice behind him on the couch is posted. "Joseph loves Birdie Mae too 💖 🐶 So far she loves to sleep 😴"
⏸️ 3 animals are now housed in a small apartment. Two cats with behavioral issues and a young puppy. Kylea can claim she will have no issues because "it will be fine" but she is ignorant, immature, and selfish. Wise followers will remove their rose-colored glasses and see the truth. There is a theory Alice was edited into the photo again...
  1. Taco Soup Part 3: 🚨 No more takeout for Joe! He gets to eat Taco Soup Rice Bowls for work lunches this week.
⏸️ On the recent McDonalds post, a smart follower asked what Joe eating McDonalds had to do with WW. Kylea replied it was a "balanced lifestyle." Remember, Kylea & Joe want you to believe Joe has not gained weight no matter what he eats, with photo evidence (even modified) proving differently. Kylea's chains were broken 07/05/21. No cravings, temptations, plateaus, weight gain...a perfect journey to this day (and forever). 😇 Please disregard her obvious eating disorder and mental illnesses. Seek medical care, Kylea Gomez. ☮️
  1. Backup Birdie Part 7: A 12 second video is shared of BB playing with a squeaky toy on the carpet.
⏸️ No Oliver, Grams, or Gibson content today. Kylea told her followers (in a comment) that Oliver has not met the puppy. Good to see your "sweet boy" and subject of a ridiculous amount of monetized content is already booted engagement wise.
Final thoughts: Money reveals people's true colors. 👀 Buckle in for a nauseating amount of BB nontent.
Takeout: Crazy Llama takeout for 2: $16 est + tip;
All info from Reddit. ✌️
submitted by DoGsPaWsLoVe to KyleaGomezsnark [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 15:07 ValoraTCas We're you neglected or abused by your family ?

Were you neglected or abused by your family?
I was born in a large city. My parents 21f and 24m were both university students when I was conceived, my mother was in 3rd year. I'm not sure what year my dad was in. I always get vague answers when I ask. My parents originally planned to become teachers after completing teachers college.
Instead they married largely due to family pressure early in the pregnancy. Immediately after that they backpacked around southern Europe and Morroco. They drank considerably and smoked Marijuana as often as they could. Their original intention was to teach English in Spain, but apparently changed their mind because of the hospital, cost seemed to be the main factor. They returned to our city with my father going back to school and eventually getting his teaching degree and his first teaching job when I was 3 or 4.
My mother seemed to resent having to care for an infant. During my childhood she would complain about the awful diapers and mixing formula, etc.
When I was approximately 2 -3 years-old I was diagnosed with cerebal palsy. Immediately after I was diagnosed my parents started trying to conceive another child. By the time my sister was 1 year old, my parents decided she wasn't as perfect as they thought she should be so they conceived my youngest sister.
My kindergarten teacher wanted me to repeat kindergarten because of my very poor motor skills mostly cutting and pasting but also my printing was very messy, which was mostly due to the tremors. I was intellectually able to do all of the work and I could already read. If had gone to senior kindergarten I would have been able to enter French immersion, which started the year after I entered school. Also I was the youngest child in my class because I was born late in the year. The French immersion schools were much better funded and had much better teachers and resources. I stayed in the original school which was one of the 2 worst schools in our region. My first grade teacher made me stand in front of the class to evaluate my reading, I was very shy and soft spoken, so I stammered slightly. From this alone she put me in the bottom reading group even though repeatedly showed her that I could read any book in the room. Standardized testing in 2nd grade showed that my reading and math skills were at 6th grade level. I know this because the guidance teacher showed my scores and explained what they meant when I was frustrated with the pace of the classroom and lack of mentally challenging work. My teachers would make me write things over and over because of the 'messiness'. This never worked and my printing would get worse because of fatigue and pain. I was bullied by most of the kids in my class because I was small, clumsy, physically weak, and somewhat odd looking, the fact that I was very smart also didn't help. My teacher wouldn't allow me to use the washroom when I needed it, since I had a bladder disorder related to my cerebal palsy, that meant I would sometimes wet myself. This only happened when I wasn't allowed to use the washroom when I needed to. This led to the other kids calling me diaper queen. Eventually I was exempted from most of my in class subjects and allowed to work independently in the library on whatever I desired. When I was in 2nd or 3rd grade my arm was badly sprained by a bully and I was prescribed a tensor bandage to support my hand and wrist. I noticed that my printing was better with it and I tried to keep using it. My mother found out and angrily took it away from even though I explained that it helped me. She would not listen and there was no explanation at all. She would send me to school no matter how sick I was, and would only let be at home when the school said I was too sick to be there. Our house never had a thermometer or bandaids or any other health related items, not even a hot water bottle or heating pad. When I was in 5th grade I developed a ganglion on the inside of my middle finger, it was very painful and made it even more difficult and painful to write. I saw a hand surgeon who said he could remove it easily and quickly. My parents, mostly my mother refused to allow me to have this surgery even though it would be completely paid for through our canadian health program.
Every few months we would visit family friends in the city each time before we went home my dad would go to a bank machine, except we always parked at the far edge of the parking lot and my dad would walk away and then be gone for 30 to 40 minutes. I realized later that he was buying amounts of Marijuana about a pound or two each. He and my mother would smoke it regularly, they I wasn't aware but I especially the air currents would waft the smell to my window.
Even though I asked repeatedly to be moved to a different school my parents made no efforts to do so. I could have been moved based on my disability and also my intellectual giftedness. I was not taken to a dentist until I was 8 years old. By this time I already decay in several of my teeth, partly because our water wasn't fluoridated. My dad could have added flouride to our well water for a very low cost, but was too cheap to do so. Another factor was I did not have a child size toothbrush so it made much more difficult to clean my teeth effectively.
My parents were home most of the time but spent very little time with their children. There was very little affection shown. I had very few clothes, with one or two items bought for back to school. And sometimes none since I was failure to thrive and grew very slowly. At Christmas my mother would buy the same toys for all 3 of us even though I was 4 1/2 and 7 older than my sisters. One year she bought all of us cabbage patch dolls, this was even though I had never had any interest in dolls or girly stuff. She did this again when the cabbage patch dolls came out.
My grandfather died when I was 9 years old, my grandmother remarried suddenly when I was 13. She lived with him in England for several months but then they moved back to town close to us. There were frequent family gatherings that included him. From almost the beginning he would find ways to trap me and sexually assault me by pushing me against a wall or into a corner he would then force his tongue into my mouth and rub his penis against me. He would also shove his hands into my pants... During my adolescence I was misdiagnosed with depression, when I actually post traumatic stress reaction because of the many things I'd dealt already, I was sent to a psychiatrist who didn't listen to me and wasn't competent, she kept prescribing different drugs when I didn't respond to them the way I 'should ' have. She put on lithium with no sign of bipolar disorder. I very developed severe lithium toxicity. She took me off it eventually. At some point she decided that since antidepressants weren't working it must because I was psychotic. She put on antipsychotics even though I repeatedly told I was not psychotic and I never was. She wound up convincing my parents to send to this inpatient program for adolescents with psychosis. I talked to the psychiatrist there once and he knew I had never been psychotic, he stopped my medication immediately and I was the only one there not on any medications and was not mentally ill at all. But I wound up spending 8 months there.
There were other things that went on with my family but this about as much as I can write right now. Am I wrong to distance myself from my family ? I feel little connection to them and they usually want to draw me into some drama that I don't want to deal with. tl;dr; childhood experiences, neglect
submitted by ValoraTCas to relationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 15:06 TheCactusMonkey The Full Story of tominecon.7z and its Conclusion

The Full Story of tominecon.7z and its Conclusion
Let’s start with some background. On November 15th 2011 a compressed file called tominecon.7z was uploaded to assets.minecraft.com, three days before the first Minecon. People found the file back in 2012 and asked Notch on Twitter what it contained, to which he simply answered that it was the build of Minecraft 1.0. However, the compressed file was larger than the build of Minecraft 1.0 so people were not taking the explanation.
The original file was replaced on August 8th 2012 with a decoy file, which was made by Tobias Möllstam to divert attention away from the original. More people asked Notch about the file, who yet again replied with Minecraft 1.0 and that he did not remember the password. Some even emailed Jeb about the file and got the same answer that the original file was the 1.0 version of Minecraft, but that it has since been replaced with a bogus one to entertain the world. Furthermore, Dinnerbone also mentioned multiple times that the file was not anything useful together with the following comments in the Minecraft@Home Discord server in 2020:
“You'll be very disappointed in the results. Not every box is a mystery that needs solving.”
“At the point where you've found something with a password and are considering throwing significant power in cracking said password, you start entering territory that I think is an actual crime in many places. Regardless of the contents, the act of breaking into something where you have no indication you are allowed in, and are trying to overcome a method of keeping you out.”
“I can't stop you, and if the file were so confidential it would have been taken down years ago. But it isn't for you, the contents are not exciting, and there's a better way to spend electricity.”
Even though, many years later, on March 13th 2022, the password for the decoy file got cracked by DannyDorito, revealing its content - a video of the episode “Be Yourself” from Petey Greene’s Washington and some random data for spoofing the file size. However, the password did not get disclosed until a year later. The password was revealed to be “thespicemustflow”.
A few years passed and on May 8th 2024 a YouTuber named RetroGamingNow released their mostly comprehensive story about the file. A video that led to many people wanting to crack the password to the file, yet again. What many people did not understand though is that in order to crack the password, insane loads of computing power would be needed to make it possible. The reason the decoy was easy to crack was due to it having a simple password, which most likely wouldn’t be the case for the real original file.
Just a few days ago, on May 17th 2024, Dinnerbone joined the recently-made tominecon Discord server, revealing a lot more information about the file and its contents in hopes of dispelling any further mystery. He mentioned that the file was put up on the assets.minecraft.com file server before the Mojang employees flew from Sweden to the US so that they could access a Minecraft 1.0 build from there before the official release. Dinnerbone himself used this file to update Bukkit during Minecon.
“The biggest problem I have with this though, is that people assume they have a right to know or crack a password to something that they weren't meant to have. I don't know exactly why it was put on s3 but that was the "easy" way of sharing things back then, and they probably just didn't think twice about it assuming it was hidden. Remember, this was a couple of developers running a super small operation, it was not the Minecraft or mojang of today. Nobody was looking into things like this.
At some point during the tominecon hunt, people started to search for other password protected sites and files that they could get their hands on, using methods that absolutely aren't okay. Those could have had more sensitive things. This is not something anybody should encourage.”
Many still wanted the password to the file, so he clarified that the password used for the tominecon.7z file was the same password they used for the WiFi in the old Mojang office, which has long since been changed. Therefore it is not the contents they care about, it’s the password. Dinnerbone further commented that “If you get hold of a time machine and come visit the old old office, it'll be a bit embarrassing for someone.”
Finally, he sent a screenshot of the decompressed tominecon.7z file revealing its contents. In the comments of the second RetroGamingNow video, he later revealed that he had to look for the password in an old email.
The original tominecon.7z file opened in 7zip by Dinnebone. Showing Minecraft 1.0 with a Minecraft server and bundled Java.
(Dinnerbone also mentioned that the USB files of Minecraft that were used on Minecon without password protection included the same files.)
He once again clarified that the contents were never a mystery and that whenever they got asked, they were very upfront about it. The reason why the compressed file had been larger than the release of Minecraft 1.0 was due to Java installers being bundled inside of it, as well as a Minecraft server executable. There are apparently 314 files in total in this archive. He even shared a fun fact about the file:
“Here's a fun fact for you all though: When it was discovered that the file was public, and the decoy was made to swap it out - we assumed the password would be public knowledge basically that week. I guess we way overestimated the encryption. Hurray for 7z?”
Ending the conversation, he once again wanted to clarify:
“I'll reiterate what I wrote elsewhere here just for transparency: whilst this specific file (tominecon.7z) doesn't have anything confidential in it, the password was reused for something else at the time and I cannot risk free just give that password out. There was a time that the public having that password would be a Bad Thing, but that time was over a decade ago. I will not stop people from trying to find the password for this archive, and I do not believe anyone else will either.
However - this does not mean anyone is free to try and crack other archives or things that we haven't given permission for. This file was unintentionally made public, it was not intended to be given out - and the password was a safety measure to make sure that even if it did end up in someone elses hands, it's not a big deal. Please do not try and break into every lock you see, that's just not okay. Sometimes the locks are there for a reason, not just as a fun challenge.”
He mentioned that he does not want people to nag him about it and that “It's brought up every single year, I'm hoping this is the last 😉”. Finally putting an end to a 13 year old mystery.
Go watch the YouTube videos below to get a full video on the topic:
  1. MCBYT’s video about the decoy file: https://youtu.be/ZmlphRQl4Pk
  2. RetroGamingNow’s first video: https://youtu.be/nz2LeXwJOyI
  3. RetroGamingNow’s second video: https://youtu.be/jrOMooH-kjs
  4. RetroGamingNow’s third video: https://youtu.be/veIy1pJJ4Ow
submitted by TheCactusMonkey to MinecraftUnlimited [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 15:04 x0xiarx0010 I need a dad.

I'm not a good writer and I dont normally make posts like this, but I'm at a crossroads and busy losing the battle. I'm a proud person, I dont talk about my feelings or put my shit on other people, even if I had family I would figure it out myself, not burden them with my issues, but you reach a point where you give more than you can give and it's not enough and nothing you do seems to work. And right now I need to talk to a mom or a dad to figure out something or get some advice or just vent becuase I feel broken.
3 months ago I finally got off the streets, it was insufferable hell to live there. I was repeatedly mugged, I was constantly treated like a cheap whore, everyone I met that I thought could help only treated me like a whore, I was raped, everything I tried to get (like the cheapest cellphone) was repeatedly stolen / mugged from me. Many nights I was freezing and 3 nights I almost froze to de.a@,th, waking up with an ambu.@,lance in my face because I had pas@sed out from the cold and people found me in the morning. 10 to 15 days at a time I don't e,@.at and when I do the only issues I had was not being able to find a bathroom or nobody that would allow me to use theirs. It got to a point where eating fuck@@ed up my body worse than not eating because my body wasn't used to it. Every day I spent the whole day just trying to sur.,@vive, I wake up and search for a place to charge my phone (2km walk), I spend 6 hours trying to find a place I can get some food (10kms), I spend 4 hours trying to find a safe place to sleep where it's public and where nobody can do anything to me while I'm asleep. I spent 3 hours a day at the library (4kms) to try find a job or create a resume. I spent day after day finding a place that I can try have a shower and sometimes i couldnt shower for a week or two because nobody would allow me to shower there. I tried going for jobs but I looked so bad that the security stormed me and asked me to leave the store before I could even ask that I need a job. Everywhere I went people treatred me like I was inferior human garbage, waiting for me to just d.@i,.e so they can wi@pe me off the streets.
When I got some money and got off the street. I finally managed to pay for a place to stay. It has a broken roof and rats and the mattress has fleas that bite me at night and it's not the best but I had wifi and a shower and clean water and a roof and a door I can lock. I then tried to find any job I can, anything, I tried to create a linked in account and I got banned from it because I didn't have a government ID, it takes 8 months to get one. I got banned from upwork because I didnt have a legal ID. The wifi at my place keeps failing so I lost some jobs because for some hours I couldnt be online. I tried to go to the local banks or libraries to get wifi but when i didnt immediately respond to people they throught I wasnt serious about the job. I didnt have enough money for shampoo so I just kept showering with clean water but my hair falls out. I look so bad already. People take one look at me and refuse me the job beacuse they judge me on how I look, especially when I intervierw men they judge me like complete garbage because I'm not good looking any more. But I dont have the money to look better right now. I spent a little money I had on one pair of jeans and 3 shirts so I had at least something nice to wear, but it's not good clothes. The pair of shoes I bought is so fuck@ecd up already it's starting to create worms running up my legs, but I dont have money to buy new ones.
I have tried everything to get a job or get anything I can do. The last week I tried reddit for jobs and I contacted many people and tried posting in many places. Today I posted in some subreddits for freelance work, then I struggled with a post topic, they had strict rules for it like "make a point at the end of a title" and "show country in brackets" and other things, I kept getting it wrong 4 times then reddit ba,.@nned me entire account for spam, they deleted all my posts and chats and I wasnt able to post anythign any more. It was like the nail in the c,@.offin that the universe told me to fuck myself. But the universe never just hits one nail in the co,@.ffin, it hits them in slowly one after another till you know that final nail leaves you with nothing but de.@,th.
The past two weeks I lost hope because in 1 month I will again be put on the street. And I can't do it again. I tried everything I can think of to just pay one more month rent or anything I can do but nothing I try seems to work out. The past two weeks I keep thinking what will be the best way to d,@.ie, if I should w@alk into the ocean and just dive deep and start inhaling to di,@.e, or if I should just stop drink@ing water and d,.@e over the next 8 days (but then I'm scared my landlord finds me before I can do it and puts me on the street before I can di,@.e). There is a gu.,@n sh.@,oting range close to me, I can find out if they would let me pay to sh@,.oot and just s,@.hoot myself, with the money I have left. I keep thinkning what is the best way to g.@,o because I can not go back to the streets. And still I'm busy doing everything I can to try find anythign possible to just pay the rent of $200 so I can l.,ive another month trying something.
Please dont report my acount for suic,@.idal bullshit. I'm not intereted in some "profess@ional" psychotic and delusional advice from a privileged person with everythign perfect in their life telling me about "life", what the fuc@@k do they know. The post already got flagged for su.c,@ide and I had to struggle to get it posted, deleting it will just accelerate my de.a@,th evne more. They will not be the one to get raped and beaten, they will not be the one that slowly starves to de.a,@th and freezes to d.e,@ath over night after night. They will not live the extreme suffering they can never comprehend, I dont need their stupid "advice" when they know nothign of life. You're not helping me by doing that, you're just causing me more problems and isolating me further and contributing to my de.@@ath even more. This post is one of the last ways I'm reahching out for help or advice. If you want to help me give me real advice that would actually work.
What I need is a mom or a dad's advice, My own mom d,@.ied 6 years ago. My father 14 years ago. I would never have contacted them if I needed help or advice. I was too proud. But now I am desperate to try anything and. Right now. I keep thinking of spending the rest I had to just get really drunk and go wa,@.lk to the ocean. Or something. I feel like I have no op,.@tions left and I dont know what to do any more and I have no emotional energy left to t@ry, i have given more than I thought I could give to just keep going. I dont know what to do any more.
submitted by x0xiarx0010 to DadForAMinute [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 15:04 Mammoth-Asparagus498 Could this be cervical vertigo?

Hi. I understand that this is not medical advice, I just need some reassurance.
About 1 week ago I went to my hairdresser and he put an apron on me with slight tightness, after some time, I noticed I started to loose conciseness SLOWLY and I panicked and I abruptly made a right head move and since the hair was done, he took the apron off.
During the day I started to have breathing problems and increased anxiety. During the night I couldn’t sleep properly due to anxiety and neck tension.
I went to hospital, regular blood tests were fine and the dr said I look like I have severe anxiety.
2 days later my anxiety has calmed but now I have very tense neck and my floating feeling when moving my head followed by bad leg coordination.
I went to the hospital again, done my CT scan of my head and neck and apparently it’s fine. He prescribed me some vertigo medication but I don’t have vertigo, only I feel like I am drunk all the time, because the world does not move when I open my eyes. I feel floaty with bad coordination.
What should I do next? Symptoms didn’t improve and I read that a ct scan will not show the full picture of the neck.
Thoughts?
submitted by Mammoth-Asparagus498 to cervical_vertigo [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 15:02 Eyecowboy Paying for Subliminals is Pointless

Now I know that what I am saying may seem offensive to a lot of you in this community but it’s true. Paying for subliminals is a waste of money and I fear how normalised it has become.
(I also want to clarify I don’t see anything wrong with subliminals. I use them myself, my problem lies with “paid” ones.)
The reason I say this is because of how gullible people can be. A lot of you guys do know that our mind holds a lot of capabilities and have probably seen someone tell you “it’s your mind, not the subliminal” but genuinely have not thought about it as much. I remember I came across someone complaining for the price that some subliminal makers put their subliminals to and I felt annoyed as somebodies 80.000 (whatever currency) subliminal does not determine or guarantee results at all. The harsh truth is that you can have a shit mindset and consume all these subliminals and nothing will change. I have said this before in a comment section before but if your mental stability/state sucks, forget about anything that you desire. I would go into detail but this is not what this post is about.
What I am saying is, I would hope to see a decrease and people devaluing the importance of buying subliminals as they are just like any other subliminal. No, just because they include “scientific” affirmations doesn’t mean they work. No, just because this subliminal maker writes better affirmations doesn’t mean they work. Any other excuse is just simply not true. These paid subliminals people exchange money for are and will never be guaranteed because it is not up to the subliminal maker but up to you. Truth is, these subliminal makers are profiting off your carelessness and naivety, whether they’re aware of it or not. It is almost like those manifestation coaches, do not get me started on some of them. So, don’t waste your money on something that was never guaranteed by anyone else but you.
I do understand that I sound dismissive as some people do get results from the subliminals they have paid for but my point is, you do not need to pay to see results. There are a multitude of free resources of information that you have access to and could learn to implicate into your lives to get what you want (techniques, affirmations, meditations, etc…), rather than handing it to someone who has no control but you have convinced yourself does have over your life. Because at the end of the day, your mind is truly the operant power.
I do not mind the flaming I may receive, but if anyone has an explanation as to why paying for subliminals is valid, I am wholeheartedly intrigued.
submitted by Eyecowboy to Subliminal [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 15:01 ibid-11962 Writing and Publishing Eragon [Post Murtagh Christopher Paolini Q&A Wrap Up #6]

As discussed in the first post, this is my ongoing compilation of the remaining questions Christopher has answered online between August 1st 2023 and April 30th 2024 which I've not already covered in other compilations.
As always, questions are sorted by topic, and each Q&A is annotated with a bracketed source number. Links to every source used and to the other parts of this compilation will be provided in a comment below.
The previous post focused on details about the writing of Murtagh. This installment will focus on The Writing and Publication of Eragon, including the early abandoned starts and drafts the preceded the self-published version and Christopher's journey towards getting traditionally published. In this post the topics are arranged in almost a chronological order. The next post will focus on the writing of the Fractalverse, and so will be posted on /Fractalverse.

Writing and Publishing Eragon

The Original Idea
[When I start to write a new book] I have an image. There’s always a strong emotional component to the image, and it’s that emotion that I want to convey to readers. Everything I do after that, all of the worldbuilding, plotting, characterization, writing, and editing—all of it—is done with the goal of evoking the desired reaction from readers. In the case of the Inheritance Cycle, the image was that of a young man finding a dragon egg (and later having the dragon as a friend). [10]
Who's your favorite character to write? Well, for me, it's the dragon Saphira. She's the reason I got into writing a dragon. She came first? She came before Eragon? Like she was the catalyst? The relationship came first, her and Eragon. [33]
I was specifically inspired by a YA book called Jeremy Thatcher Dragon Hatcher by Bruce Coville, which is a delightful book. I just loved that idea so much of finding a dragon egg, I was like, "Well, what sort of a world would a dragon come from?" And I knew I wanted the sort of bond between rider and dragon that Anne McCaffrey had, but I wanted the intelligence of the dragons that you find elsewhere, and the language and the magic. And I wanted sparkly scales because it just seemed like dragons are fabulous creatures and they ought to have sparkly scales. That's the fun thing about writing your own books. You can make them exactly the way you want to make them, and hopefully then that appeals to the audience as well. [30]
All of that kind of was swirling around in my head, and I wanted to write about dragons in a way that kind of combined a lot of elements in a way that, "I like this", and "I like this piece", and "I like this piece", but I kind of wanted to have all these different pieces in one type of dragon, and no one had quite done it exactly the way I wanted. [30]
I live in Montana, and our library is an old Carnegie or Rockefeller library, and especially back in the 90s, it didn't have that many books. So once I read all the fantasy in the library, I thought I had read all the fantasy there was to read. Because I was not the smartest kid in the world sometimes. And I kind of thought, "Well, it's the library. They have all the books that exist, right? All the books that matter are in the library." And I really had no idea what to read after that. So I decided to start writing myself and to try and write the sort of story that I would enjoy reading. And of course, what I enjoyed reading was books about flying on dragons and fighting monsters and having adventures. [35]
Reading and literature was always important in our family. My father's mother was a professor of comparative literature and wrote books on Dante and all sorts of stuff like that. Was the myths and folklore part of your life at this time? Yes, but I should clarify that it wasn't formally introduced to me. It was in the house. People weren't wandering around talking about. It was just like the Aeneid is sitting on the shelf. I would go read things. I have a great uncle. He's 90 now, my mother's uncle. Guy is still sharp as a tack. It's amazing. But he gave me a set of cassette tapes of Joseph Campbell, who did Hero of a Thousand Faces. So that was my exposure to his theories of the monomyth and the eternal hero and all sorts of things like that. That got me very much interested in and thinking about the origins of the fantasy that I was reading because I was reading Tolkien and David Eddings and Anne McCaffrey and Raymond Feist and Jane Yolan and Andre Norton and Brian Jaques, and all of these you know authors who were popular at the time. I was very curious where does this come from. Tolkien, of course, felt like sort of the origin in a lot of cases but then I was discovering that, there are earlier stories that even Tolkien was drawing from. That was really a revelation to me. I really sort of got enamored with it. A lot of fantasy is nostalgic and that appealed to me because I was homeschooled and my family didn't really have a lot of relatives in the area, so I felt very unmoored from the rest of society. I think I was looking for a sense of tradition or continuity with the past and fantasy helped provide that. That's an incredibly articulate thought for a 15-year-old author. Or has that come with age? No, it was something I was feeling at the time. You were conscious of it at the time? Well, listening to the Joseph Campbell stuff, I was looking: Where are our coming of age traditions? Where is the great quest to go on to prove yourself as a young adult, as a man? Where's the great adventure? What do I do in life? Those are all things that are part of the adolescent experience and always have been which is why so many mythic stories about coming of age deal with those questions. I think it's a universal thing. That's why Harry Potter, Eragon, Twilight, all of these have appealed so much because they deal with adolescence. They deal with finding your place in the world as an adult when you're starting as a young adult or a child. [28]
What games have taught you to be a better writer either in creating characters or worldbuilding or plotting even? All of my gaming experience was computer games, video games. One that had a huge influence on me was the old Myst series. Personally I love solving puzzles, so that's the first thing. And also the concept of the series, especially with the second game, Riven, it's all based around people writing books that create new worlds. And you get to go in them and solve puzzles and understand how that world works. And that just tickled every single part of my brain back in the day. Now, I'm going to be slightly unkind here, and I apologize if the author [David Wingrove] is listening to this, but there were a couple of novels based off of Myst. And I was such a fan of the series that I got the books, and I started reading them. And my first thought was, "I could do better than this." And so I decided to rewrite the first Myst novel. And I created a document in MS Word, and I got exactly three sentences into my rewrite. And I thought to myself, "okay, I think I can do this, but I could never sell it. So I better go write something of my own." And the next thing I did was Eragon. So video games kind of had a direct influence on me writing. But actually reading something that I felt was not particularly successful was such an inspiration. Because it was like, "this got published, I know I can at least get to this level." And it was published. And then maybe I can shoot for a little bit higher. [pause] I think some people have had that experience with Eragon. [26]

Early Abandoned Starts

I had the original idea, the concept of boy finding dragon egg, and I tried writing a couple of very short versions of Eragon when I was fourteen, and none of them panned out so I stopped writing for a while. [28]
Real World Version
What do you remember about the early days of writing “Eragon?” Originally, Eragon was named Kevin and the story was set in the real world. But I only finished around 10 pages. [16]
I wrote three versions of Eragon before I wrote the version that had the unicorn, which was the first major draft. The first version was set in the real world, and that's why he's named Kevin. And the reason it was set in the real world is I was inspired by Jeremy Thatcher Dragon Hatcher, which is set in the real world. [32]
I was specifically inspired by a book called Jeremy Thatcher Dragon Hatcher by Bruce Coville. By the way, Bruce knows this. If you haven't read it, it's a great book about this young man in the real world who, spoiler, goes into an antique shop and buys a stone that ends up turning out to be a dragon egg. And I really loved that idea of a stone that was actually a dragon egg and the young man becoming joined with the dragon. And so I tried writing the story. And I got exactly five pages or six pages into it and I ran into a brick wall, because a boy finding a dragon egg is a good event, but it is not a good story. And I needed to figure out what was going to happen after that. I didn't know that at first. [36]
Arya Opening Fantasy Version
But then I was going down the rabbit hole of, "Well, if there's a dragon, where did the dragon come from? What if it were an actual fantasy world where the dragons were native?" And then that led me to then write a second beginning--I didn't get very far with this--that was more of a traditional fantasy story, and it opened with Arya and a couple other elves escaping a dungeon with a big battle, and at the very end of the battle, they send the dragon egg away, and Kevin finds it. But I didn't have the rest of the story, so I stopped writing it in that format. [32]
So I tried writing a second version of the story. So the first version of that story I wrote was set in the real world. Second version was more of like a fantasy world. [36]
I had the original idea when I was fourteen. I even wrote an early version of the story where it was set in the real world. But I soon realized that it was a lot more interesting to have a dragon in a fantastical setting. [8]
Research Break
I tried writing before and I always failed because I would only get like four to six pages into a story and then I didn't know what to do next. And that was because I didn't actually have my story. All I really had were the inciting incidents, like a boy finds a dragon egg in the middle of a forest. Great. But that's not a story, that's just one event. What happens as a result? So before starting Eragon, I was very methodical about this. I read a whole bunch of books on how to write, how to plot stories. [35]
I realized I wasn't getting anywhere. And I didn't know how to do what I was trying to do. Now, fortunately for me, my parents had noticed that I was getting interested in writing. And all of a sudden, books appeared in the house. There was no comment, no one forced it, these just magically appeared, and I read them. Some of the books that were incredibly helpful to me were these books that were called The Writer's Handbook, which was a collection of essays published each year by The Writer's Digest magazine. I had one from 1998, and I had one from, I think, 1993, or something like that. And there were essays from Stephen King and John Grisham and I think Ursula Le Guin and all sorts of other authors about what it was like to be an author both professionally and creatively. And that was incredibly helpful to me because again, the internet was not a resource. But the book that really made the difference for me was a book called Story by Robert McKee. It's a book for screenwriters and it's all about the structure of story. And up until that moment, I had never really consciously thought about the fact that stories have structure and that you can control that structure for the effect on the readers. So I devoured that book and I said, okay, I'm going to try this again. [36]
Did you very much sit down and study structure and character development and etc? I did. It wasn't a formal course or anything, it's just that my parents started buying these books and they started showing up. In fact, I still have them here on my shelf. This bookcase to my right is full of research books, technical books, language books. I read a book called Story by Robert McKee, which is a screenwriting book, that was and often has been very popular in Hollywood. It's a fairly technical look at story structure. I would never say do everything he says because of course you shouldn't necessarily follow any one formula, but that book really got me thinking about the fact that stories do have structure, which I hadn't really thought about before that. And that one can control that structure, and that this gives you something to work with. Before Eragon, I tried writing a number of stories and I never got past the first four to six pages, ten pages, because I never had the plot. All I would ever have was the inciting incident which, in the case of Eragon, is a young man finds a dragon egg. Ok, fine, but that's not a story. So when I read that book, then I was like wow, so I can control the structure of this. [28]
The problem with all of my early writing was that I’d get an idea and just start — I didn’t actually have a plot. But I was a pretty methodical kid, so I started reading about how to write. Fortunately, my parents are observant, and these kinds of books magically began appearing in the house. And I read all of them. [16]
Unused Arya Outline
So at this point, I was 15, that's when I graduated from high school and I was very methodical about it because I hate failing. So I said, okay, I'm going to create a fantasy world. And I did that. And then I said, I'm gonna plot out an entire book in this fantasy world. And I did that too. And then I said, but I'm not gonna write this. This is just a thought exercise. I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna stick it in a drawer. And I still have that to this day, that world and that story, I still have it sitting in a drawer somewhere. [36]
Then I spent some time and I created an entire fantasy world and I plotted out an entire fantasy novel in that world and I did not write it. I just stuck it in a drawer and that's where it's been sitting for 25 years now. And then I just did that to prove to myself that I could plot out an entire book. [35]
Before writing Eragon, again I was very methodical even as a teenager, I created an entire fantasy world. Wrote pages and pages about the worldbuilding, and then I plotted out an entire story in that world just to prove to myself that I could plot a story, create a world, and then I didn't write it. I put it aside. I still have it all saved. Put it in a drawer. [28]

Kevin

Writing The First Full Draft
And then I decided okay now I'm going to plot out a trilogy, because all great fantasy stories are trilogies. I'm going to do it as the heroic monomyth, because that is, at least my understanding back then, is this is one of the oldest forms of stories. I know it works on a general sense. It's going to give me a safety net, and then I'm going to write the first book as a practice book just to see if I'm capable of producing something that's three, four, five hundred pages long. And that's what I did. That was about two and a half months of worldbuilding, plotting, creating this. Then I wrote the first book and that was Eragon. That was my practice book. I never actually planned on publishing Eragon. It was only after I'd put so much work into it and my parents read it that then we proceeded with it. I was aware of story structure. I continue to read lots of books on it. [28]
And then version three is the version that everyone generally knows. And that's where I spent the time to plot out the whole series before writing, because having a idea of where you're going seems to help with the writing, at least for me. Usually. [32]
I originally saw Eragon as a practice novel, which is part of why it’s a very typical hero’s story. I knew that structure worked and it gave me the safety net I needed. [16]
The first draft went super fast. It went really fast because I had no idea what I was doing. And I just wrote that sucker. I wrote the first 60 pages by hand with ballpoint pen, cause I didn't know how to type on a computer. And then by the time I typed all that into the computer, I knew how to type. I did the rest in the computer. But this was back in the day when computers were fairly new. We had a Mac classic, which only had two megabytes of RAM. And the problem is that the operating system chewed up some of that memory. And my book file was around two megabytes large. So I actually had to split the book into two because I couldn't open the whole file on the computer or the computer would crash. So I had to open half the book and then close that and then open the other half. [35]
The First Draft
Once I finished the first draft, I was super excited and I thought, "well all of these things on how to write say that you should read your own book and see if there's any tweaks you wanna make." But I was really excited because I was getting to read my own book for the first time, and I thought this is gonna be awesome. And it didn't take very long while reading it to realize that it was awful. It was horrible. And just to give you an idea of just how bad that first draft was, in the very first draft of Eragon, Eragon wasn't named Eragon, Eragon was named Kevin. And there was also a unicorn in that first draft at one point, so you know it wasn't very good. [35]
If I heard correctly as I was reading, Eragon wasn't originally called Eragon? No, in the first draft of the book he was called Kevin. There's a reason! Look I have an explanation for it, okay. The explanation is that my original inspiration was Jeremy Thatcher Dragon Hatcher which is set in the real world. The original version of Eragon that I was developing was set in the real world and when I decided that it would make more sense to have a world where the dragons were native to and switched it over to this fantasy world and began to develop that, I just kept the name that I'd been working with, which was Kevin. Naming a main character is hard, especially when you get used to a certain name. I don't want to say I was lazy. I want to focus on the world building and writing the first draft and I'll worry about the name later. [28]
There is an early version of Eragon that no one's seen, that even my editor at Random House never saw. And that was my first draft. And in that first draft, Eragon encountered a unicorn in the Beor Mountains on the way to the Varden. And the unicorn touches him and essentially affects the transformation that he goes under during the blood oath ceremony with the elves in the second book, in Eldest. And his whole storyline with the Varden once he gets to Farthen Dûr is completely different because now he has these abilities and he and a team of people ends up getting sent on a scouting mission in the dwarven tunnels to go find the Urgal army and then they have to flee back through the tunnels to warn everyone of this huge army and I had a underground cave full of lava, and multiple shades, and a huge Urgal army. There was there was a lot of dramatic stuff. Finding the Ra'zac in Dras-Leona was completely different. This is the draft where Eragon was named Kevin. [32]
I haven't thought about that version in ages. I think Arya was awake all the way from Gil'ead to Farthen Dûr in that version. That's right, I had to completely rewrite that. It's an unpleasant ride for her. No, no, no, she was awake and healed. She was awake. That's right, God, I had to rewrite most of the last chunk of the book now that I think back, it's been a long time. [32]
The worst thing is, I think Kevin would actually take a larger budget [to adapt to film]. No, stop. Why would Kevin take a larger budget? Because the battles were bigger, there was more stuff going on. Seriously, there were more creatures, more travel. Yeah, I think Kevin would actually take more money than Eragon. [32]
You said that Eragon's name was originally Kevin. Was Eragon's name originally Kevin? It was. And I really regret I didn't stick with it because I think that as many books as I've sold, the series would have been at least twice as successful if it had been about the adventures of the great dragon writer Kevin. Especially just seeing Kevin on the front cover. Imagine the appeal to the modern youth. Kevin the dragon writer. I mean Eragon, it's confusing with Aragorn. Oregano. Oregon. But Kevin, Kevin stands out, Kevin's original. That's why I had to move away from it. [31]
Releasing the Kevin Cut
So do you wanna share some of those drafts with us, Christopher? Just kidding. Well, I actually had a fan reach out to me. He's one of the big members of the online fan community on Reddit and elsewhere. And he's kind of interested in some of these early versions from almost an archivist point of view, a scholarly point of view. Which is certainly an interesting idea. I mean, there is an early version of Eragon that no one's seen, that even my editor at Random House never saw. ... I cannot describe how much the Internet absolutely needs for you to put out an edition of Eragon that just says Kevin. Should this be like Mistborn or Way of Kings Prime? This is the Kevin edition of Eragon. The Kevin cut. Oh my god. It's "Eragon: Kevin's Version". ... We absolutely need Kevin's Version of Eragon. That's something we need. It's bad. It's bad. Look, there are certainly people who can look at Eragon, the version we have now, and say, "we can tell this was a younger writer." I look at it and I can tell. I could do so much more now with the material than I could then. But if you think that about the published version of Eragon, man, if you saw the unpublished version, the early version, it really is the raw writing of a homeschooled 15-year-old, who wrote a 500 page book about Kevin. I don't know, the internet is very unhinged these days. They would love this. It needs to exist somewhere on the internet. [32]

Publishing

Editing
So I wrote Eragon, and then I read the first draft and it wasn't particularly good, so I spent a good chunk of a year rewriting it as best as I could. I didn't know what I was doing but I was trying. I've heard it said that being displeased with your own work is actually a good thing because it means you know what is good work, and if you're not happy with your work because it's not good, it means you could at least have a goal to shoot for. If you read your work and you're like this is the best thing that's ever been written, you're never going to get any better. [28]
But I could see that the book needed work, so I decided to try to fix it as best I could, and I spent the better part of that year revising, rewriting, changing Kevin to Eragon. And then I gave the book to my parents and fortunately for me, they actually enjoyed what I had done. And they said, we think you have something, let's try to take it out into the world and see if anyone else wants to read it. [35]
Self-publishing
[We] decided to self-publish the book as a joint venture since we didn't know anyone in the publishing world. That was again a good chunk of a year where we were editing the book as best the three of us could. Preparing it for publication, formatting, I drew the cover. [28]
Now you have to understand, my parents were always self-employed, have always been self-employed and we were always looking for things we could work on together as a family business. And Eragon was like the perfect opportunity for that. They'd had some experience self-publishing a couple of small educational books my mom had worked on. Because she was a trained Montessori teacher, and so she was trying to use that expertise to write some material herself. But I don't even think we sold 100 copies of those. So we spent another good chunk of a year preparing the book for publication with doing more editing, doing the layout, designing the cover. [35]
The first set of 50 books showed up while we were watching Roman Polanski's Macbeth, which seemed fitting because those first 50 books were all miscut from the printer. And as a result, we had to rip the covers off, send them back for credit from the printer, and then burn the insides of the books. So we had a proper book burning in our yard, and I actually saved some of those burnt pages just as a memory of that event. [35]
Self publishing wasn’t as viable then as a pathway to a career as an author as it is today. Why did it work for you? Everything completely changed because of e-readers. If you wanted to read an e-book, you had to have a PDF on your computer. There were no distribution systems like Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Back then, the lowest amount you could print and not have the book be too expensive was probably about 10,000 copies. But we were fortunate because print-on-demand had just become a thing, so books were just printed as needed. Self publishing is a lot easier these days. Of course, today’s marketplace is a lot more crowded as a result. [16]
Promotion
My family and I were going around the western half of the United States with the self-published edition of Eragon. I was cold calling schools, libraries, and bookstores to set up events. I was doing two to three one-hour long presentations every single day for months on end at various times. You have to understand that because my parents were self-employed, the time they took to help prepare Eragon for publication was time they weren't working on other freelance projects that would have been bringing in money. So by the time we actually had Eragon printed and in hand, if it had taken another two to three months to start turning a profit, we were going to have to sell our house, move to a city, and get any jobs we could. Because of that financial pressure I was willing to do things I probably would have been too uncomfortable to do otherwise. Like doing all those presentations. [28]
We were doing a lot of self-promotion. I was cold calling schools and libraries and talking them into letting me do presentations. And that worked pretty well because the librarians could take pre-orders for us. If we went into a bookstore, by hand selling, I could maybe sell anywhere between 13 to 40 books in a day. 42 was like the best I ever did, but usually it was around 15 or so books, which just didn't cover printing costs and travel and food and all of that. But going into the schools, we were doing about 300 books a day, which was excellent. [34]
Can you tell me a little bit about how you and your family self-published the first Eragon book and what marketing strategies you did? Oh, it was all nepotism, you know. I wouldn't have gotten published without my parents. There's nothing as powerful as a publishing company that's four people sitting around a kitchen table in the middle of rural Montana. So yeah, without Nepotism, I wouldn't have gotten published. You have to embrace something like Nepotism if you really wanna succeed in today's world. In fact, people don't realize that you actually get a Nepotism card. There's a secret club. You go to New York and there's huge network opportunities. There's branches of the club everywhere, especially strong in Hollywood, of course, in music. Taylor Swift is an example. So if you can get into the nepotism club, I won't say you're guaranteed success, but you got about 80% chance of actually making it that you wouldn't have otherwise. Do you think your mom and dad would be willing to be my mom and dad? No, absolutely not. No, no. You don't have brown hair, so it doesn't work. You have to have brown hair to be a Paolini. Okay, I'll try to find a different way in, I guess. [31]
Getting traditionally published
So you were very much looking for that partnership? Well we were wary. But the thing is is we were selling enough copies of Eragon that to scale it up we were going to have to start duplicating all the things that a regular publisher does. We were actually looking at partnering with a book packager or a book distributor just to get more copies out. To do everything a traditional publisher could do for me was a huge amount of work so it made sense to pair with Random House or someone else at that point. But it was still nerve-wracking because the book was being a success and then handing it off to another company, we didn't know if it was just going to end up in the remainder bin two weeks after it came out. [28]
People in the book world were starting to take notice because of course, if you've been to public school, you may remember the Scholastic Book Fairs and all of the Scholastic reps in the different schools were seeing me come to the schools and selling these books and hearing the kids talk about it. And it was getting attention. So we would have gotten a publisher, I would have gotten a publisher eventually. [34]
The book sold enough copies and bounced around enough that we'd heard that Scholastic—because Scholastic does all the Book Fairs in schools in the US—was interested and that we might get an offer from them. Before that happened though... [34]
Eventually another author by the name of Carl Hiaasen ended up buying a copy of the self-published edition of Eragon in a local bookstore. Which now that I'm older, I'm rather shocked at because it takes a lot to get me to buy a self-published book. It's got to look really good. [35]
Carl Hiaasen wrote the young adult book Hoot as well as many adult books. He comes up to Montana, I think he's got a vacation home here in the valley, but he was up here fly fishing and he bought a copy of Eragon for his then 12 year old son, Ryan. And fortunately for me, Ryan liked the book and Carl recommended it to Random House and it sort of bounced around among the editors for a couple of months before my editor-to-be grabbed it and said, "Yes, we will. I want to take a chance on this teenage author and we're going to offer him money for a trilogy that only exists in his head and see what happens." [34]
How did you find an agent? We had the offer from Random House, and like two days later, we had the offer from Scholastic. And so we knew we didn't know what we didn't know. My dad participated in some online self-publishing forum sort of thing. So he posted up a question and said, look, this is the situation we're in. Does anyone have any advice? And another one of the members said, "well, I was just at this publishing writing conference and there was this young agent there and I was really impressed with his presentation, or him talking about the industry." So my dad got his information online and did what you're never supposed to do, which is he called the agent directly and left this long rambling voicemail message because it was lunchtime in New York and you take your lunch breaks in New York. And only at the end of the message did he say, "oh, yes, and by the way, we have two competing offers from two publishing houses." And when I asked him, I said, "why did you do that?" He said, "well, because if he's any good as an agent, he's going to listen to the whole message before he deletes it." And we found out later that he nearly deleted the message. Because my dad started off like, "I got this teenage son, and he's written this book", and yeah, that, OK. So it was like two hours later we got a call from Simon. And Simon said overnight me a copy of Eragon and if I like it I'll represent you. And Simon has been my agent for 21 years now. [34]
It was a big risk for Random House. And it was a big risk for me because the book was successful, self-published, and we knew that giving it to a publisher, you lose the rights to a degree, and most books don't turn a profit, and it could have just ended up in the remainder bin. So what really worked in my favor is that Random House, and specifically Random House Children's Books, and specifically the imprint of Knopf, which is where I'm at were looking for their own Harry Potter, essentially. Scholastic was publishing Harry Potter. And Scholastic also gave me an offer for Eragon, but I could tell that Random House was the one that really loved the book and Scholastic was doing it because they thought it was a good business opportunity. Scholastic actually offered more money than Random House. But I went with Random House and it was the right choice. And I found out after the fact that Chip Gibson who was the head of the children's department at the time basically chose to use Eragon as sort of something to rally the troops and put the entire children's division behind it, and I was the very fortunate recipient of that love and attention. Which of course would only get you so far if people didn't enjoy reading the book. But fortunately for me, they did a great job marketing it and then people actually enjoyed the book. Which is why when people ask me how to get published, it's like, what am I supposed to say? The answer ultimately is you write a book that people want to read, and that's a facile answer, but it is true. If people want to read it, it makes everything else easier. The agent wants you, the publishers want you, and ultimately the public wants you. [34]
And I didn't realize how much was behind that email, because large publishers do not just casually say, "hey, we want to publish your book". There was a whole plan there, and they had a plan. And so they did. Eragon came out and then I had to figure out how to write a book with everyone expecting the sequel. [36]
So you kind of went and peddled your books at schools, as I understand, right? It seems to have paid off though, because it eventually landed in the hands of bestselling author Carl Hiaasen, but not right away. First, your book got in the hands of his stepson, and the kid liked it so much that he told Hiaasen about it, who then got Eragon fast-tracked with Penguin Random House. I really admire the way that you went for the weakest links, manipulating the minds of our youth and using them to shill your book for you. It's a tried and true marketing strategy from Girl Scout Cookies to coupon books, and I applaud you for your ingenuity. My biggest question here is, do you pay Carl Hiaasen's stepson the agent royalties he so rightfully deserves? He tried to collect one time, but I had to hire a couple of guys to drive him off. But, no, you always go for the weakest link. Back when I was self-published and all that I even tried to get Eragon reviewed by Entertainment Weekly, so I called up the subscription number on the back of the magazine and told them I'd made a mistake and asked them to transfer me over to corporate, and managed to get right to their book reviewer and tried to talk him into reviewing Eragon. So you always go for, as you said, the weakest link. Which is corporate. Ryan, Carl's son, though, yeah, I probably owe him a ridiculous amount of royalties. I'd say so. He made you. Oh, he did, absolutely. Without him, I'd be nothing. I guess the lesson here for aspiring authors is that it's not really about finding your target audience, necessarily. You just have to find your target prolific author's stepson and let the kid take it from there. Yeah, absolutely. As I said, that's part of the nepotism package. The sort of networking inside the industry. This is the stuff that you can never access otherwise, and you'll never get published otherwise. So it's not like you can just grow up in the middle of nowhere in Montana, self-publish a book, and then just become a success, by promoting it. You have to have connections. That's genius. I think you could have had an incredible career in designing loot boxes for mobile games based on how good you are at manipulating the world. Absolutely, microtransactions are God's work. [31]
Gaining Confidence
Was anxiety something you felt moving to this deal with Random House? Was that quite pressuring? Yes, it was a big change to go from writing for yourself as a teenager, homeschooled, living in the middle of nowhere, to knowing that there was a large audience for your next book and that they had expectations. I got criticized quite a bit, critiqued quite a bit when Eragon came out for, shall we say, my lack of experience on the technical side of things with the writing. I'd say some of those were certainly fair critiques. The great advantage of youth is that you don't know how difficult things are and you have a lot of energy. The great disadvantage of youth is you don't have experience, and there's no fixing that aside from time and effort. All of that was definitely in my head when I really started work on Eldest and it was pretty nerve-wracking quite honestly. [28]
When you finished the book, I mean your parents believed in it obviously. Did you too? Or were you like, "You know what, maybe the second book, maybe go all in on the second one?" I didn't feel like I was actually an author until my third book was published. Because the first one, well, that could be a fluke. Well, the second one, yeah, but you know. But once the third book came out, then I was like, okay, maybe I'm actually a writer. But even then, even after I finished the series, I still felt like, okay, now I have to write something that's not Eragon, just to prove that I can. So every book has been its own challenge and has been a way for me to keep feeling like I'm growing as an artist and learning to become a better and better writer. [2]
It took me, I wanna say almost 10 years to feel like I wasn't an imposter and that it wasn't just gonna get yanked away. You know what my dream was when Eragon was was going to get published by Random House? Like this was my pie in the sky because I didn't think it was going to happen. But this was my dream. I did all the math and I was like, man, if I could somehow someday sell 100,000 books, which is impossible. But man, if I could sell 100,000 books, that's a darn good living. Man, I could really make a living off that. I could support a family and 100,000 books. Man, that'd be amazing. And then it kind of took off from there. [33]
submitted by ibid-11962 to Eragon [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 15:00 ChopNorris Getting started. Anything I should change?

Getting started. Anything I should change?
https://preview.redd.it/5jo04ejond1d1.jpg?width=1536&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c185ad692c0d373057dedafbcb49703163f8eee6
Good evening everyone,
I've wanted to play drums for years, and after finding a secondhand TD07 kit in pristine condition, I finally decided to give it a shot. This is my current setup—did I get anything wrong? Is there something I should change?
Any general advice on how to get started is welcome. For now, I'm following Drumeo lessons.
One thing I've noticed is that when I try to release the pedal each time, my feet get tired quickly. Is there a reason not to leave it pressed while resting? I haven't been able to adjust anything on the pedal to prevent this.
Thanks in advance!
submitted by ChopNorris to drums [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 14:59 ObjectiveCorgi9898 Week 4 updates

Hi all, I gave you about update right after I started about my GI issues so I figured I would give you a further update.
I didn’t have diarrhea issues again since the first shot. I do get a little nauseous for the first day or two after the shot. i have taken zofran, though only one time after the last shot, and none this time.
It’s so easy to eat less now! It’s amazing. My ankle and leg swelling is almost gone. I feel a lot less bloated. My brain fog (from an autoimmune disease) seems gone so far, though I still have the physical fatigue. Im not thinking about food all the time. I still get hungry but it’s at more reasonable intervals.
I have lost 18 lbs so far. I took my fourth shot on Thursday night. I’ll be staying on 2.5 for another box atleast.
And a NSV— I had to tighten the buckle on my shoes one notch because they were too loose !
submitted by ObjectiveCorgi9898 to Zepbound [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 14:56 clare_1_2_3 Hello from the UK / a bit about me / please add your NSV's here!

Great sub thanks for starting it!
I (F early 40s) was diagnosed with PCOS in 2019 following rapid weight gain, cystic acne and irregular periods which all showed up out of the blue when a focal migraine meant I had to stop taking the combined pill in 2018, which I'd been on since being a teenager. I put on 2 stone / 28 lbs in 9 months despite no change in diet or exercise. I've been up and down in weight a bit since then but never managed to make any real dent in it and it's now 5 years onwards from then. The acne is still stubbornly hanging around and although my HBA1C is in range and stable, my fasting blood glucose is a little high (regularly in pre diabetic range). I know my late Mum had OK HBA1C for a long time but then had diabetic complications with her feet that make me think she must have been suffering it longer than we thought.
I've bought my first 2.5 Mounjaro pen (it's still branded Mounjaro in the UK for weight loss, same drug as Zepboubd in the US) and feeling nervous about starting but hopefully I have a lot to gain (and lose haha!).
I'd particularly love to here any Non Scale Victories you've had particularly around skin/acne/fasting glucose levels.
Thanks for reading and good to be here ☺️
Any
submitted by clare_1_2_3 to TirzepatidePCOS [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 14:53 Narrow-Payment-5300 Scared of fucking

So I'm 22 male and I guess a late bloomer and was also a dickhead psychologically for a long time so I didnt really get to gain any "experience" with women (I've dated a few briefly and know how to get first dates etc. but always stopped before it got to kissing/sex).
So right now I'm dating someone who's probably as good as it gets for me, attractive, 2 years younger, has had a crush on me for a while, doesnt have mutual friends so there wont be gossip if I do something embarrassing, etc. plus she actually has a very respectable personality but idk if I like her in that way yet
I think I should prob start making physical moves sometime this week. Thing is I've never done that before so I guess I'm kinda scared of fucking it up? Like when I'm actually sitting with her talking it doesnt feel like it would be "natural" to wrap my arm around her or whatever so I'm hesitant. And even if I do thats like still a long way from actually fucking her.
Does anyone have like some nice words to cheer me up or encourage me or some advice?
submitted by Narrow-Payment-5300 to rspod [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 14:52 spook-3 BuSpar Restlessness and Jitters

Hi y’all! I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, GAD, and PTSD over a year ago. I was on Lexapro (10mg) for about a year which made me feel a lot better. I had basically no more anxiety attacks and my depression was finally manageable, but I gained a ton of weight which wasn’t good, so I switched to Prozac instead (40mg). I struggle with insomnia and sleep issues so I was prescribed Trazodone (50mg) as needed so I can actually sleep through the night. I also take Latuda (60mg) to help manage my mood episodes bc bipolar lol. I love how I’ve been feeling since switching, but my anxiety has been horrible since switching off Lexapro. I wake up around 3am like clockwork with a racing heart and panicking about various things and then I can’t fall back asleep with racing thoughts for hours. My psychiatrist prescribed me BuSpar (15mg 2x daily) to help and it’s day 4 of being on it and the first night I had the best sleep of my life. I finally slept an entire 9 hours without waking up. But day 2 and day 3 I woke up around 3am this time not anxious but with this feeling of jitters and like i needed to move my arms or legs rapidly. Has anyone else experienced this? Is this a temporary thing or should I be more concerned? I know meds take a while to “even out” in our system so I’m trying not to panic but I overthink a lot so I’m just trying to see if anyone else has had this experience (:
TLDR: Diagnosed GAD, PTSD, Bipolar 2 on Latuda (60mg) and Prozac (40mg). Just started BuSpar (15mg 2x daily) and feeling jittery and spastic like I have to move my arms and legs around 3am the past 2 nights. Anyone else have this issue?
submitted by spook-3 to Anxiety [link] [comments]


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submitted by Leagueboosting to Lolboosting [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 14:50 theswillmerchant The Great Serpent, The Formless Mother, and The Blood Star

The Great Serpent, The Formless Mother, and The Blood Star
I believe that the Great Serpent of Mt. Gelmir and The Formless Mother are related through Red Glintstone and The Blood Star. The nature of their relationship is unclear at this time, and although I have a theory I will not make any claim of certainty. Still, I think there is strong evidence that they share some significant ties to one another, and these connections lead to some interesting questions/observations about the nature of the Outer Gods.
Before I start I should acknowledge that:
  1. This game’s lore is often purposefully obtuse and it’s extremely difficult to say anything concrete.
  2. While mechanics and lore interact really well in Fromsoft games, sometimes a mechanic exists because it’s fun and cool, and not because it reveals some deeper truth about the story.
  3. I am not an Elden Ring Lore expert. I am also not a real life anthropologist, historian, writer, or anything else that would give me any real insight into these games and their lore or themes. I just think this stuff is neat.
Red Glintstone and The Blood Star
With that out of the way, let’s begin by talking about Red Glintstone. Most of the information about it comes from a few items, The Staff of the Guilty and Alberich’s Set. The Staff of the Guilty is a staff wielded by Thorn Sorcerers, found in certain areas of Liurnia and the Mountaintops of the Giants. The Thorn Sorcerers are criminals who have been punitively blinded with briars, and placed into servitude as soldiers under the Fire Monks. An excellent video by SmoughTown (which I will reference heavily from this point on) goes into much greater detail on the nature of these aberrant mages.
Alberich’s Set is the clothing of Mad Tongue Alberich, a former servant of the Roundtable Hold and heretical sorcerer. Most players will encounter him when he invades on the ground floor of the Roundtable, however his set is acquired from the Roundtable’s physical counterpart, the Fortified Manor in Leyndell.
The Staff of the Guilty reads:
“A heretical staff fashioned from a smoldering, withered sapling that turns the blood of sacrifices pierced by it into glintstone. Similar to hex magic.
Sorceries are scaled with faith rather than intelligence when wielding this staff which enhances Thorn sorceries in particular.”
Alberich’s Set (specifically the robe) reads:
“Mad Tongue Alberich's robe.
Set with red glintstones said to be formed by the blood of sacrifices. Strengthens thorn sorcery.
Alberich was an aloof yet disturbed heretical sorcerer said to have been driven mad by jeering tongues during his service to the Roundtable Hold long ago.”
What we learn from these items is that Red Glintstone is a form of Glintstone created from the blood of sacrifices. This is an odd property for any type of Glintstone to possess, since all other sources of information surrounding Glintstone imply that it is heavily related to the Stars and the Primeval Current, not something as terrestrial as blood.
The beginnings of an explanation for this come from the descriptions of two spells, namely those used by the Thorn Sorcerers and Alberich himself. These spells are called Briars of Sin and Briars of Punishment which read:
“An aberrant sorcery discovered by exiled criminals. Theirs are the sorceries most reviled by the academy.
Wounds the caster with thorns of punishment, sending a trail of bloodthorns running over the ground to impale enemies from below…
The guilty, their eyes gouged by thorns, lived in eternal darkness. There, they discovered the blood star.”
So the Blood Star seems to be a celestial body that appears to the guilty after they are blinded. Again, SmoughTown’s video goes into great detail on this topic, but the brief summary is that it is an entity in and of itself, as many stars appear to be within Elden Ring’s cosmology. It is also the source of the astral properties necessary for a stone formed of blood to function as Glintstone. Through a combination of faith in this entity, bodily sacrifice, and this specific variant of Glintstone, aberrant magic can be wielded.
Another possible mention of the Blood Star, though less direct, comes from the description of the Great Stars weapon:
“Huge bludgeon with three stars at the striking end. Though primarily a striking weapon, the stars' spikes cause blood loss.
A blood-stained star is an ill omen, a fact not lost upon those against whom this weapon is brought to bear. Landing attacks slightly restores HP.”
The phrasing of this “ill omen”, along with its ability to restore HP, will become relevant later.
The Formless Mother
A logical leap that many people have taken when researching these topics is to assume that the Blood Star is in some way related to The Formless Mother, the Outer God that bestows blood-related power to Mohg and his followers. At the risk of sounding repetitive, SmoughTown again explores this relationship, noting their similarities mechanically (the fact that magic from these sources causes the Hemorrhage/Blood Loss status effect) and thematically (the fact that both of these entities seem to seek bloodshed, demanding sacrifices explicitly or wounds generally). He does however say that there are enough differences in the information known about these figures to cast some doubt on them being one and the same. I agree with this, however I do still believe they are related in a way that I will discuss after mentioning the other source of Red Glintstone present in the game.
The Great Serpent of Mt. Gelmir
In the war ravaged landscape of Mt. Gelmir stands Volcano Manor, home of Praetor Rykard. Within this fortified castle’s prison town are the Man-Serpents, the results of a blasphemous breeding process who patrol and defend against intruders. And one particular man-serpent wields a staff, the Gelmir Glintstone Staff.
“Staff with a forked tip, embedded with red glintstones. Enhances lava sorceries.
The Man-Serpents of Mt. Gelmir draw from faith in addition to intelligence to enhance the potency of their sorcery.”
Once again we see Red Glintstone used in a spell catalyst, and again it imbues this tool with properties reliant on faith. For further detail, we need to look at some of the aforementioned Lava Sorceries that are enhanced by this staff.
Magma Shot reads:
“One of the sorceries developed from the magma of Mt. Gelmir. …
After discovering the ancient hexes of Gelmir, Rykard, son of Queen Rennala, brought them back into practical use as new forms of sorcery.”
These sorceries are ancient, originally practiced by the adherents of a pagan religion that worshiped the Great Serpent of Mt. Gelmir. The timeline of events is not explicit, but it is a reasonable assumption that Rykard's incorporation of these hexes into modern sorcery was a component of his adoption of the ancient Gelmir religion, and his worship and great sacrifice to the Seprent.
In addition, the practices of the Gelmir Pagans provide another tie between Red Glintstone and ritual sacrifice. The Serpent-God’s Curved Sword says:
“Curved sword fashioned in the image of an ancient serpent deity and tool of a forgotten religion practiced on Mt. Gelmir.
Formerly used to offer up sacrifices, this sword restores HP upon slaying an enemy.”
These sacrifices are likely the source of the Red Glintstone used to channel the magic of Mt. Gelmir.
The Connections
Red Glintstone therefore ties together the Thorn Sorceries, and by extension the Blood Star, with the Gelmir magics. If you agree with the idea that the Blood Star and the Formless Mother are also related, then this also bridges together the followers of Rykard and Mohg. But Red Glintstone is not the only commonality between these factions and practices.
In no particular order:
Both Gelmir Sorceries and the Staff of the Guilty mention “Hex Magic”. Along with this being a nod to Dark Souls 2’s magic system, this language seems to distinguish these schools of magic from other Sorceries or Incantations. In particular, it groups both of these into a class of magic deemed heretical by current magic practitioners.
As mentioned above, both the Gelmir Religion and the Blood Star explicitly mention sacrifices as a source of their power.
Both Thorn Sorceries and many of the skills of the Formless Mother require a tithe of the user’s blood to be paid. Thorn Sorceries and the skills Seppuku, Bloody Slash, and Blood Blade deal damage to the caster in addition to their enemies, incorporating the thematic idea of sacrifice into gameplay mechanics.
Again speaking mechanically, both the Formless Mother and the Great Serpent offer their adherents methods of healing via combat. The Blasphemous Blade, Serpent-God’s Curved Sword, Devourer’s Scepter, Taker’s Cameo, and Rykard’s Great Rune are all holy artifacts of the Gelmir Religion, either from the ancient era or from Rykard’s. Critically, they all confer the power of healing by defeating enemies, or simply by attacking them in the case of the Blasphemous Blade and Devourer’s Scepter weapon skills. While there are a few other methods of achieving this effect scattered amongst the factions of the Lands Between, one of the most notable practitioners is Mohg, who uses his Sacred Spear to heal himself with his Bloodboon Ritual. It is worth noting that one of the only other ways to achieve the effect of healing via combat is with the Great Stars, providing another possible tie between these groups. Here I will acknowledge that this line of reasoning does not include the Greathorn Hammer, Butchering Knife, Assassin’s Crimson Dagger, or Malenia’s Great Rune, the other notable examples of this type of mechanic. For those curious, I believe that Malenia’s healing is at least partially explained by VaatiVidya in his video on the topic. Vaati is a small up-and-coming lore channel and I’m sure the little guy could really use a like and a sub!
Perhaps most significantly though are the Recusant Finger and Bloody Finger items. These items, bestowed to the player after joining the ranks of Rykard and Mohg’s cults respectively, are functionally identical tools that allow invasions of other players’ worlds. Both are used for the express purpose of spilling Tarnished blood, and I do not believe it is a coincidence that they are related to the two demigods in question.
Bringing It Together
Given these threads connecting The Formless Mother, the Blood Star, and the Gelmir religion, what is the nature of their relationship? There seems to be a developing theme of "Similar but Different". There is, in my opinion, a sense that these cultures and practices share some kind of common ancestry. Again, while I don’t feel confident enough to state it with certainty, I will provide a possible explanation informed, ironically, by the Greater Will.
Most mentions of stars in the game’s text come from sources that are associated with the Glintstone, the Astrologers, Raya Lucaria, Astel, etc. However there is at least one mention of a star that sheds some light on their relationship to Outer Gods, the description of Elden Stars:
“This legendary incantation is the most ancient of those that derive from the Erdtree.

It is said that long ago, the Greater Will sent a golden star bearing a beast into the Lands Between, which would later become the Elden Ring.”
It’s worth noting here that a topic often discussed by lore enthusiasts is the voice of the narrator in item descriptions, and the fact that it seems to change between items and vary in its reliability. For instance, rather than saying anything with concrete certainty here, it reads “It is said…” implying there is something apocryphal about the information. It is also worth mentioning that this description in particular is infamous in the community for muddying the waters on the nature of the Elden Ring, inscriptions found in Farum Azula, the timeline of the Lands Between, and many other topics.
Still, if we take this description at face value then it seems to imply that stars, along with being entities themselves, are within the dominion of Outer Gods and can be sent to the Lands Between “bearing beasts”. Another item that relates ephemeral Outer Gods to corporeal creatures is the Twinbird Kite Shield:
“Shield featuring a vividly painted twinbird.
The twinbird is said to be the envoy of an outer god, and mother of the Deathbirds...”
Once again a presumably physical beast, the Twinbird, is said to be the envoy of an unnamed Outer God. If these two items represent a trend, then we can assume that Outer Gods have the ability to install “Beasts” in the Lands Between. The reason for this is unclear. They may be sent as sentient weapons to fight in proxy wars. It’s also possible that they are intended to be physical manifestations of the Outer Gods to spur worship. Thanks to the existence of the Two and Three Fingers, the Fire Giant, and Malenia, there is no shortage of evidence that the Outer Gods either require avatars in the Lands Between to communicate for them and exert their will, or at the very least prefer an indirect relationship for unknowable reasons. Regardless, it leads me to propose a theory:
The Theory
The Formless Mother, an Outer God, controled the Blood Star. This star was sent long before the current age to deliver a beast to the Lands Between, and this beast was the Great Serpent. Whether simply due to great expanses of time, the dominance of the Greater Will and the subsequent shunning of other Outer Gods, or some other reason that is left undiscovered, the link connecting these entities became faded, if not severed entirely. As a result, their once cohesive goals and principles diverged. The wounds craved by the Formless Mother became the sacrifices of sinners offered to the Blood Star, and the sacrificial practices of the Gelmir worshippers no longer satisfied the Serpent, now driven by world consuming avarice. These once cohesive forces were now fragmented, fated to fade into relative obscurity. Each sought new adherents in the sewers below the Erdtree, in the mountains overlooking it, and in the sinners exiled from it. The faithful of each deity created their own manner of worship, similar but different. This process can be observed in countless real world cultures who, despite sharing a common source, grew into discrete groups whose customs mimicked each other with differing levels of alteration. I believe that this explains the overlap between these seemingly disparate factions, while also accounting for their clear separation. Fromsoft has proven time and time again to be a team obsessed with the layering of culture, and the echos of half-forgotten history, and I feel that this is yet another example of this theme.
I will say again that I am far from certain of this, but I believe strongly that some relationship of this type exists between these groups. I hope that with the DLC looming we may be given more information about the ancient era of the Lands Between that can shed some light on this topic, but knowing Fromsoft I think it’s likely we’ll get more questions than answers.
Epilogue
If you’ve read this entire thing then the toilet seat is likely cutting off the circulation to your legs and you should stand up, but I greatly appreciate your time. Please let me know what you think of this theory, or if there’s anything you think I’ve misinterpreted or left out entirely.
submitted by theswillmerchant to Eldenring [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 14:50 Comfortable_Guest734 Sharp shooting pains - 5 weeks pregnant

Hi All,
I had an embryo transfer and I am now 5 weeks pregnant.
I have sharp pains that started on the lower left hand side of my uterus (as low down as my pelvis) and have now change over to my right hand side.
The only way I can describe the pain is like a sharp zap like pain that lasts maybe 1-2 seconds - sometimes the pain shoots straight up through the middle of my uterus.
I also have the usually cramping pain which I have had since embryo transfer, tender breasts etc - I’m just really concerned by this shooting pain. I’ve never felt a pain like it.
submitted by Comfortable_Guest734 to pregnant [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 14:45 MassiveSquirrel8132 AIO or is my boyfriend right to criticize me?

As the title says. I have no more tears to cry and looking for apartments to move out. I (33F) have been living with my boyfriend (47M) since March, almost 3 years together in total. He has had a lot of criticism towards me before moving in together, but now it's much worse - he's getting stricter with me by the day.
The last fight was today, on the grounds that I have been doing a ragu Bolognese all day since the morning (a good Bolognese takes 2-3 hours to make from scratch) but I accidentally gave myself too much pasta and he didn't get enough. It really was an accident, I did not eyeball the amount correctly. I offered to give him some of mine but he declined, saying that he won't eat mine (I like mine al dente while he likes his overcooked) and then offered to make some more for him, but he declined that too. He was visibly angry so I lost it and started crying saying that nothing I ever do is good enough for him.
Because it isn't. Our fights are always about the same, he loves to tell me to concentrate everytime I make a little mistake. A spatula slips and falls from my hand, he scolds me and tells me to concentrate. I bump the vacuum into a chair, he scolds me telling me to concentrate. Every day I get told that I need to concentrate and it's driving me crazy.
He hates 90% of my wardrobe. A dress is either too tight, (he says he hates "Kardashian style" dresses on me), or too short, or the wrong color (he hates me in white, pink or black), or the wrong pattern (he hates florals), he hates wide pants, he hates heels. He recently bought me a dress to his liking, but then I wasn't allowed to wear it to work the next day, because he decided it will only be for Sundays. A few weeks ago I tried putting on an outfit I love on a date night (a lace top with a knee-long tight leather skirt) despite his objections. He was upset with me for 2 hours after leaving the house.
Once I put on a beautiful pair of white leather boots, that 70's throwback style that is all the rage now. He told me I look like a slut. I never wore them again.
We split housework equally, and I do 100% of the cooking because I like it, and he isn't much of a cook. He likes to either say that I don't do anything around the house, which sometimes escalates my frustration to the point that I want to rip my hair out, because I KNOW that I just cleaned the whole house because he had migraine. He says my cooking doesn't count because I like doing it anyway. If he sees me cleaning, he will point out mistakes that I'm making. Using the wrong cloth, using the wrong product, stuff like that.
He likes to argue that my parents did a shitty job at raising me so I can't do anything right. He says that even an idiot would manage better than me. Last week I told him that I'm looking for shared housing to move out, and his response was that they will kick me out after 2 months. If I threaten to break up with me, he says that no other man will want me. He might be right because before him, I kept getting rejected and ghosted for 10 years.
Today morning he was telling me about his last night's night out with his buddies. One of his friends complained about having to go to his gf's friend's baby shower, which was on the same day. My boyfriend took his side complaining because the women were "losers", working "shitty jobs at ZARA" and one even "cleans hotel rooms". I got angry about this attitude saying that there's nothing wrong with those jobs. I said that his friend is a hypocrite for staying at hotels and then shitting on staff doing their best to make the stay pleasant for him. My boyfriend's response was about 30 mins of gaslighting me about being too sensitive and taking things too seriously and "not taking a joke" and then he was angry for 2 more hours.
I have lived alone all my life since I was 21, and I always managed quite alright, or so I thought. This takes me to why I'm posting this here - nothing helps, my crying, my screaming, my threats that I'll move out, breaking up with him, nothing. He insists that he's right in his criticism. When I ask him how are we going to proceed from here to make the relationship work, he insists that I need to change.
I get that you guys don't live with us so you have no idea, but I'm going crazy here. Am I too sensitive? Can't I really do anything right? Am I overreacting?
submitted by MassiveSquirrel8132 to AmIOverreacting [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 14:44 1000andonenites The Figure in the TV Screen

I noticed him the first time I went back to Jonah’s. We were sat on the couch, kind of cuddling, you know the first time you’re getting cosy with a new man? So we weren’t paying much attention to his giant tv screen. 500 inches or something he had said when we walked in, and at first I thought he was joking about his dick and I felt a bit disappointed that he cracked a crude joke so early on, then I realised he was gesturing at the ginourmous screen which covered half the living room wall.
I didn’t have long- school pick-up’s at 3:30, so I had to take the initiative a bit, you know how men get distracted talking about their hobbies and games on screens, so I pulled him close and he seemed to appreciate it.
Then he got up and went to the kitchen and I glanced at the screen because other than the couch and the PS, that was the only thing in the living room.
In the black depths of the screen, I saw two figures reflected back at me, not one.
“Here you go! I brought a glass for you, in case you were getting thirsty too!” Jonah held out a glass of water. Unasked-for water is a joy, my grandma used to say, and I took it gratefully. Jonah sat down close to me and slid his arms around me. I looked into his face.
He was so lovely. His hands were so beautiful, with the little soft hairs on the wrist. I felt desire lighting up in me, and I put the glass down.
Then I looked at the black screen over his shoulder, and the light was hitting weird at that angle, and the figures were moving so it was hard to tell how many there were in the glossy deep blackness. Jonah’s mouth found mine again, and delight and confusion clashed.
I pushed him away. He frowned- “whats up babe?”
It was the first time he was calling me babe, and I wanted to giggle with happiness.
But I couldn’t. I glanced sideways, and now that we had stopped moving, the third dark silhouette was clear in the screen.
Sat on the reflected couch.
I looked back at Jonah. He smiled nervously at me. I wanted him so much. I looked at the screen again. He followed my eyes and said “Quite impressive, right? Should we watch something?”
I had shaved, I had primped, I had carved out time, I was turned on, I knew Jonah was a good man. I was damned if I was going to let a weird figure trapped behind glass hold me back. I stood up, smiled deeply at him, held out my hand and said “Let’s go into the bedroom”.
The figure threw up in its hands with frustration. I let Jonah lead me to the bedroom, and I gave it the middle finger on my way out of the living room.

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2024.05.19 14:42 Financial-Accident19 Deathly afraid of ALS

Good morning, I hate that I'm typing this shaking and afraid in a dark room. I'm currently down the ALS rabbit hole, researching anything and everything about it, showering the sub-reddits of symptoms that match mine etc. This has made me an absolute mess and really put a damper on things.
I'm 25m and have had health anxiety for a long long time. This all started 2 weeks ago with a muscle twitch in my right thumb. It was twitching on and off for a week, at first I was worried of Parkinson's, calling my dad for reassurance when he said "don't google anything, there's much worse." Welp that set off the alarm in my brain to start googling.
Once my twitch went away it turned into a tremor where it'd shake it certain positions. When I googled ALS symptoms I saw weakness, twitching, cramping all of this stuff. I thought to myself "oh good I have none of these" atleast I thought so until my anxiety ramped to full speed. I now am feeling weakness in my right index finger, wrist, forearm, bicep and legs.
I genuinely am afraid that what if this isn't my anxiety creating these issues and I am starting ALS. I can still pick things up and do things with my right hand but I noticed that it shakes when I do so, my index finger primarily. I have small twitches all over my body now that only last a second and brain fog.
My biggest concern is how shaky my index finger is and if I'm just losing my strength in my hand/fingers or something. Could someone please try to reassure me that I'm not dying of a horrible disease? I have a neurologist appointment next month to just ease my mind but, until then, I'm an absolute mess.
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2024.05.19 14:42 cgstories The Sleepover (part 2)

First Part
“Your house is really nice,” I remarked, placing my sleeping bag and pillow on the floor. I kept my backpack close, making sure the crucifix I borrowed from my parents was safely tucked inside one of its pockets. I really hope my mom doesn't realize it's missing.
I was the only one who had arrived at the Bardell’s house so far. Mrs. Bardell opened the door and greeted me with a big, never-ending smile that looked like it was permanently glued to her face. Her teeth showed through the wide grin, and her lips were covered in a thick layer of red lipstick.
“That's really nice of you," she responded with a smile. “I can see why you get along with my girls.”
Mary and Jane, seated across from me, both nodded and chimed in together, “Yes, she's great, Mom. We're happy we invited her.”
“So, when are the others getting here?” I asked.
“What others?” Mrs. Bardell appeared puzzled.
“Tammy and Harriette. They said you invited them too, and they promised they'd come.”
“Oh, they're not coming anymore. They called just before you arrived to let us know,” Mrs. Bardell explained. Her big, dark eyes moved between me and the twins. “Okay girls, just sit tight for a bit. Dinner will be ready soon.” Then she went into the kitchen.
Fantastic! Just fantastic! Some friends they are. Traitors!
“They didn't tell me…” I mumbled quietly, feeling betrayed. I quickly checked my phone and texted Tammy: So you're just not gonna show up?
The message was stuck on “sending…”
“Don't worry about it,” the twins reassured me. “We'll still have a great time tonight!”
Their idea of a good time was putting on a skit they had practiced the last few days. The twins disappeared upstairs, only to return dressed in their costumes. Mary had on a gray hoodie that I thought I'd seen before, and I noticed a dark crusty-looking red spot on the sleeve. Jane sported a baseball uniform. Mr. Bardell, wearing a smile like his wife, joined in the fun. He was down on all fours, wearing a dog mask that looked surprisingly lifelike.
I sat still on the sofa, feeling completely weirded out.
As Mary ambled around the living room, her hood shielding her face and her hands tucked in her pockets, Jane and Mr. Bardell engaged in a game of frisbee. Mr. Bardell crawled around like a playful pup, zooming across the room and even leaping over the couch. Quickly, I crouched down to avoid getting hit. He then sprang to his feet, his arms bent like a dog's, proudly holding the frisbee in his mouth.
Mary stopped and glanced back. “Cool dog,” she said.
“Thanks,” Jane said, mimicking a man’s low pitch. “What’s your name, son?”
“Eddie.”
My stomach sank. That was the name of our missing classmate.
“Would you like to play with him?” Jane continued.
“I should really get home, my mom–” said Mary.
“One throw won't hurt, would it?”
“I guess not.”
Jane grabbed the frisbee out of her dad's mouth and passed it to Mary. The frisbee soared into the dining room and plopped right onto a plate sitting on the table.
“Oh! It flew into my house,” said Jane.
“I'm sorry!” Mary said.
“That's okay, my daughters are getting a kick out of watching us.” Jane pointed up. “Do you see them over there? Second floor, window to the right.”
Mary waved.
“They told me you're a friend of theirs.”
“Not exactly friends… I mean, we went to the same school. I haven't seen them around in a while though.”
“Why don't you come inside and say hi?”
Before Mary could answer, Mrs. Bardell popped out of the kitchen, saying dinner was served. All eyes turned to me, waiting for me to make the first move.
xxx
You get to vote on the character's next move.
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