Arrest made in chatroulette

Raonaid Murray was a 17 year old Irish teenager who was violently murdered on the morning of September 4th 1999. Despite extensive investigation and appeals, her murder has never been solved and the murder weapon has never been found.
Raonaid Murray was born on January 6 1982 to parents Jim and Deirdre Murray. She also had two older siblings, a sister, Sarah and a brother, Daniel. She had attended St Joseph of Cluny secondary school in Killiney where she was a high achiever. She completed her leaving certification exams in 1999. After she had completed school, she went on to work part time in a fashion boutique in the town of Dún Laoghaire in Dublin. However, she intended to re-sit her leaving certification at the Institute of Education and hoped she would be able to attend the arts faculty in University College Dublin after completion. Her family stated that she liked reading and poetry and had expressed hopes that she might one day be a successful writer. Her friends fondly remembered her for always wearing bright colours, her optimistic attitude and her commitment to an active social life.
On the evening of September 3rd, Raonaid spent time socialising in Scott's pub in the town of Dún Laoghaire. She had finished her shift at the boutique at around 9:40pm and was excited to socialise. CCTV footage shows her leaving the shopping centre carrying a bag and walking with a friend. However, this would be the last time that she would be seen alive. At around 11:20pm, Raonaid left the pub so she could go home and change as she had purchased a new outfit that day and wanted to wear it out. She had planned to meet her friends again at the paparazzi nightclub in town. The walk home should only have taken her 15-20 minutes but she never made it. Approximately 20 minutes after she left the pub, an eyewitness claimed they saw her arguing with a young man on the Glenageary upper road. She then crossed over to Silchester Road and entered the laneway that would take her to her home in Silchester Park. Almost immediately after this, a female voice was heard from the alley saying something like "Leave me alone" or "Get away" followed by "Fuck off". A loud woman's scream was then heard, followed by silence. One of Raonaid's friends, concerned as to how long she was taking, called her house phone but when her father Jim answered, the friend quicky hung up.
Early on the morning of September 4th, at around 12:30am, Raonaid's sister and her friends found her body lying in the alleyway, 500 yards from her front door. She was still clutching her shopping bag that contained her new outfit. A Garda investigation would later reveal that she had been stabbed 30 times although many of the stab wounds hadn't managed to pierce her clothing. She had also managed to stagger 200 yards from where she was attacked to where she was found, this was determined by the blood trail. Gardaí strongly suspected that the perpetrator was someone she knew based on the extremely frenzied nature of the attack which could suggest a personal grudge. Raonaid had a deep wound to her chest, abdomen, right arm and a fatal wound to her left armpit. In addition, she had not been sexually assaulted and nothing had been stolen.
A large scale investigation was launched and over 100 Gardaí were assigned to the case but despite extensive interviews and searches, no motive was uncovered and the murder weapon was never found. Garda believe the blade used was probably a kitchen knife which further supported the theory that this was a crime of passion. By 2008, 8000 people had been interviewed, 3000 statements had been taken and 12 arrests were made. Despite this, no primary suspect has ever been identified and the investigation has effectively gone cold. A few months after her death, her gravestone was desecrated by an unknown individual/individuals which Garda believe could be people involved in her murder. A more recent review of the original investigation showed that Gardaí had botched the case from the start as they seemed to be waiting for a killer to simply present themselves. When this didn't happen, they ignored important clues, misinterpreted evidence, failed to carry out proper searches, and ignored their own procedures. According to one of the officers who reviewed the case, "It was nothing short of a shambles. They were convinced someone would present themselves or some family would contact them to say someone came home covered in blood. When this didn’t happen, the investigation just went nowhere".
In 2010, with the advancement of forensic technology, DNA was successfully removed from under Raonaid's nails. Curiously, when tested, it showed that the material belonged to a woman and it was confirmed that it did not belong to anyone known to her. This knowledge changed the line of thinking considerably as prior to this, the Garda had been adamantly searching for a male. It was theorised that if the attacker was a woman, it would explain why many of the stab wounds were weak and didn't pierce her clothing. In addition, a young woman was allegedly seen walking quickly away from the area shortly after the murder. Despite this renewed line of thinking, the investigation has remained cold with no new leads.
It's been 24 years since Raonaid was murdered in cold blood and nobody has been charged for this heinous crime and her family have still received no justice. Despite the offer of a €190,000 reward, the family and Garda have been met with silence. The investigation continues and renewed appeals for information have been made but to date, the case remains unsolved.
Sources: https://www.rte.ie/news/2016/0903/813922-raonaid-murray/
https://m.independent.ie/regionals/herald/female-dna-found-under-raonaids-nails/27938356.html
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/travel/destinations/europe-travel/ireland/the-mystery-of-south-dublin-schoolgirl-raonaid-murrays-unsolved-murder-9fpdwznbq
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Raonaid_Murray#:~:text=Raonaid%20Murray%20(6%20January%201982,this%20murder%20case%20remains%20unsolved.
https://www.chillingcrimes.com/blogs/news/raonaid-murray

Hi everyone,
I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and I'm finding myself increasingly stressed about ensuring his safety and privacy. A couple of years ago, my husband and I assisted the police in making an arrest of a man involved in harmful activities towards children. Unfortunately, this person was recently released on bail while awaiting trial and has threatened us and our family. (This backstory is important because it explains why our boundaries are so strict.)
Our boundaries, which we've only recently started communicating to extended family, include the usual ones like visiting rules, no kissing, and washing hands. Additionally:

• No sharing ANY information about our child with anyone. If someone wants to know, they need to ask us directly.
• No one is allowed to take photos of our baby on their phones.
• We won't ever be sharing photos of his face with anyone, especially on social media.

We know these boundaries are extreme, but given our history, my husband and I feel they are justified.
Now, here's the issue: Most people in our lives have immediately accepted these rules and boundaries because they understand our reasons. However, my grandmother, who lives next door to us along with my parents, is difficult. She always has to be right and needs everyone else to be wrong. She frequently starts arguments over everything, from child safety to cooking methods.
For instance, if I check the potatoes in the oven to see if they are ready, she will argue that they can’t be done yet (even though she wasn't there when I put them in, and they were very obviously ready), and she needs to prove me wrong. She constantly argues about child safety, safe sleep practices, and insists that my baby is measuring too big, claiming the doctors have my dates wrong, based on nothing but a comment I made about baby sizes from my pregnancy app.
I’m extremely worried about her living so close to us and potentially sneaking photos of our baby or sharing information we want to keep private. My mother (my grandmothers daughter) is very understanding and has promised to help monitor and keep her in check, but my grandmother loves to push boundaries. We haven’t even told her about the no kissing rule yet, and I know she will not agree to it.
At my baby shower, she asked in front of everyone if she could send photos of the baby to various family members, trying to make me look bad for setting boundaries. I don't care about how others feel about not seeing my baby; my priority is his safety and our privacy.
I'm seeking advice because I'm already so stressed by her constant opinions, arguing, and attempts to prove everyone wrong. Does anyone else have someone in their life who behaves like this? How do you manage them? We rent from my parents and live right next door, so cutting her out of our lives isn’t an option. She can’t be reasoned with, and I’m at a loss for what to do. My mom already said "don't ever let her hold the baby, because she won't abide by the no kissing rule". But I can just see how that will go down.. can you even imagine?
Obviously, I will implement and enforce any rules that need to be enforced to protect my baby, but I'm just so worried about how this will all play out once I start doing this, and especially with how I'm going to cope with the stress of all this while newly PP? I'm lucky my husband and mother are so strongly supportive and on my side though, and I'm very grateful for that. I'm just stressing a lot about how all this will play out, and it's consuming my thoughts leading up to birth, which is obviously bad for baby. I hate conflict and confrontation!
Thank you for any advice or experiences you can share.

Hi everyone,
I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and I'm finding myself increasingly stressed about ensuring his safety and privacy. A couple of years ago, my husband and I assisted the police in making an arrest of a man involved in harmful activities towards children. Unfortunately, this person was recently released on bail while awaiting trial and has threatened us and our family. (This backstory is important because it explains why our boundaries are so strict.)
Our boundaries, which we've only recently started communicating to extended family, include the usual ones like visiting rules, no kissing, and washing hands. Additionally:

• No sharing ANY information about our child with anyone. If someone wants to know, they need to ask us directly.
• No one is allowed to take photos of our baby on their phones.
• We won't ever be sharing photos of his face with anyone, especially on social media.

We know these boundaries are extreme, but given our history, my husband and I feel they are justified.
Now, here's the issue: Most people in our lives have immediately accepted these rules and boundaries because they understand our reasons. However, my grandmother, who lives next door to us along with my parents, is difficult. She always has to be right and needs everyone else to be wrong. She frequently starts arguments over everything, from child safety to cooking methods.
For instance, if I check the potatoes in the oven to see if they are ready, she will argue that they can’t be done yet (even though she wasn't there when I put them in, and they were very obviously ready), and she needs to prove me wrong. She constantly argues about child safety, safe sleep practices, and insists that my baby is measuring too big, claiming the doctors have my dates wrong, based on nothing but a comment I made about baby sizes from my pregnancy app.
I’m extremely worried about her living so close to us and potentially sneaking photos of our baby or sharing information we want to keep private. My mother (my grandmothers daughter) is very understanding and has promised to help monitor and keep her in check, but my grandmother loves to push boundaries. We haven’t even told her about the no kissing rule yet, and I know she will not agree to it.
At my baby shower, she asked in front of everyone if she could send photos of the baby to various family members, trying to make me look bad for setting boundaries. I don't care about how others feel about not seeing my baby; my priority is his safety and our privacy.
I'm seeking advice because I'm already so stressed by her constant opinions, arguing, and attempts to prove everyone wrong. Does anyone else have someone in their life who behaves like this? How do you manage them? We rent from my parents and live right next door, so cutting her out of our lives isn’t an option. She can’t be reasoned with, and I’m at a loss for what to do.
Thank you for any advice or experiences you can share.

When Jesus Christ came more than 2,000 years ago, he preached repentance, fed the multitude of 5,000, healed the sick, made the blind see, and the lame walk. Yet, religious and political leaders went after Him, and those who thought He was a criminal clamored for His death, and shouted, “Crucify Him!” He did not commit any sin, but He was called a criminal, was maligned and despised by the so-called wise and powerful in the world.
Pastor Apollo Quiboloy, in this modern time, only preached repentance, fed the poor and the helpless, helped build the nation, and healed people from within, yet religious and political leaders went after him, and those who thought He was a criminal clamored for his demise, and shouted: “Run after him and arrest him.” He did not commit any sin, but he was called a criminal was aligned and despised by the those thought highly of themselves as men in power and authority.
What difference do you see?
What if Pastor Quiboloy is true?
What if what he is saying for people to change is true as it happened in so many lives that have been transformed from being sinners to being children of God?
What if Pastor Quiboloy is true? Will this not make you think?

Well, that may be so. The military tends to side with the military member. and this person had a top secret clearance. He was Army in college, then Air force. He was an absent father except when it suited him. So that was why I divorced. I did everything alone anyway and in the military there is a timeframe, duty stations, no family support such as drop-off child care. You have to come up with it on your own. That is a good idea to look into Amnesty International though because this stalker who followed me AFTER my divorce and his family have placed me in grave danger and there is no justice possible. I am white and get treated like I am spoiled when in reality my life was threatened, I get beaten in my own home, the obsessive jealous psychotic idiot comes from an abusive family and hides it behind his house and some money he got from a stock. So that gives him license to threaten me, spit on me, call my family names, body-charge (he's a musclehead) and then pretend he's nice to everyone. I also come from a large family and the two oldest had to leave the nest at a young age. Plus our father and mother literally mistreated the two oldest children in front of the younger. So they think we need to be hid. I have 3 college degrees and worked but I can't get anywhere being forced to file a divorce from a stalker when my life's been threatened and the only way is to just leave with nothing, so your country stole 18 years from me and I get nothing at all! And they are worried about Veterans in this state. This guy also has been arrested for strangulation and misconduct and reported on by others. He even admits the assaults he's made on others throughout his life. Most recently he cornered me, pushed me down so I got up and used my key on his arm. He randomly assaults and has ulcerated colon plus hes sick and disgusting smelling, haha ! It is not right to expect a woman alone in a 6000 square foot multilevel house to defend herself when the owner is such a miser he doesn't use his utilities sometimes. So I'm expected to wait until he snaps and I end up fallen down his stairs and dead. I can't stand this fuck. If I had a gun I'd definitely kill him, then say it was stand your ground. His family is so abusive they wouldn't even talk to me about him.

A few years ago very well known terrible and violent person with a history of assaulting women and being arrested for it fled my town after the public found out he was arrested yet again for assaulting a woman (a friend of mine too). He moved towns, laid low for a few years, and is now trying to run a most likely unlicensed and illegal small venue. This appears to be the second time he has done this in his life.
I caught wind of this venue and found he was booking an all female band passing through the town, so naturally I sent them an email with a burner account with screenshots and links to his public record proving he is particularly violent towards women to warn them of him, I also included a link to an old public twitter profile a victim of his made to show his patterns of abuse. They responded thanking me for the information, then from a separate email address sent me another request for proof, I resent the info to that email address as well, and that was that. I believe they went on to play the show regardless, and I don't blame them being a touring musician is hard.
Fast forward a few months and I accidentally opened up that burner email and noticed he directly sent an email (assuming the band gave it to him) to the account threatening that he has contacted the police for me harassing him, his business, faking public records, that he has a lawyer, he has a paper trail, that he has received credible threats of violence by third parties (he was threatened at a concert by unrelated people who knew who he was), he named two people who he thinks run the account (both wrong), and claims to have a case with the police department that is currently being investigated.
I panicked for a second and deleted the burner account before doing a bit of research and found that he would need a court order to get any further identifying info from that email address. And considering his past criminal record, the fact he is probably a drug dealer (as he has always been), and that he is an obsessive liar, this case he claims to have is either fake or not really going anywhere.
Did I do anything actually illegal? Will the police even do anything if he's telling the truth? I'd like to think he's just blowing smoke, as he has been publicly melting down online and threatening anyone who talks bad about him.
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tl;dr court proven beater of several women and all around terrible person is threatening me for emailing a band playing at his business his assault and domestic violence records

I (M42) and my spouse (F40)
I just had the shock of my life, and possibly the most dramatic upheaval imaginable. I'm scared, concerned and i wonder if anyone else has a similar experience. This is concerning my soon to be ex-wife. Not an easy read or even to type, but strap yourselves in. We were married for 13 years, had known each other for 23. She was a child that grew up in a war in her home country, and was effected by it more than she let on. During the last 4 years of our relationship, she started developing incredible anxiety and depression. She would become like an exposed nerve, and every perceived slight became something she would ruminate on for days at a time. We had some events in our marriage that were incredibly stressful. Our son was born prematurely, our daughter when she was born was also traumatic. She was always highly strung when i knew her. i was very much the calming influence to her and it was a role that developed in our dynamic. i would be her rock and safe place. Things started to change, and dramatically so. I travel with work and she would look after the kids. i would be home large parts of the year, but i would have to go away sometimes for 4 weeks at a time. When covid hit, we were both home for a better part of 18 months, and i started to notice things that concerned me. She began to become incredibly paranoid about neighbours. She was certain they were spyi ng on us somehow (even though they were 80, and not at all interested in us). This spiraled from the neighbours commenting on the length of our grass. It effected her, and she became fixated. Any new neighbours she instantly distrusted, and she believed they all spoke badly of her.none of it was true, but in her state of hypervigilance, she was misinterpreting signs. A strange look, or half glance was enough to make her feel unsafe and scared. This slowly devolved into her being fearful of being spied on in the shower, people who walked dogs the same time each morning past our house were doing it to spy on us, etc. I could see it was draining her, and making her very ill with stress so we discussed maybe going to therapy, which she did. During the years we were together, she had been on various anti-depressants to cope with depression. I always chalked it down to post natal depression and the stress being a mother brought to her, especially when i went away. She attended therapy, but would stop when it became uncomfortable. She then opened up to me one day regarding it. It turns out that she was molested as a child by a family friend, and had buried it. that coupled with seeing her childhood friend die from an explosion (which i knew about) had effected her more than we knew. The therapy seemed to make it worse, and since that point things took a massive nose dive. She was an incredibly bubbly, happy and cheerful person to everyone. or so i thought. She would sometimes drop the mask at home, and i could see the turmoil developing. I hate to admit it, but i was blind to it for many years. she had masked it from the very beginning. Her paranoia got worse and worse. she came off of her antidepressants and started using weed vape pens to be able to cope with the incredible anxiety. I watched her drift apart from me over the last two years, her kindness towards me vanishing and almost a resentment towards me. She would complain about the new house we had bought and that she hated it because of the neighbours. We discussed moving, but she realised in her more lucid times that the issue would follow her whereever she went. The last year together she would speak about moving to another country. I said i would, but after my parents, who are old, passed. i didn't want them to not see our children in their final years. We had grown apart, she had this strange push-pull dynamic with me. One day she'd love me and be this caring person, the next cold and distant. I tried incredibly hard to pull us back together whilst dealing with her delusions of paranoia that were still ongoing, but the more i tried (and at some points i was quite combative and forceful) to get her to communicate, the more she pulled away. There was hardly any intimacy, which i yearned for and would comment on. She would initiate it sometimes, but for me, i'm ashamed to say, i complained about it a lot. She would have sex with me on occasion, and then if we argued later say "i didn't really want sex, it was like rape". This hurt me to my core, and made me bitter about how we were. The arguments became worse and worse. She started resenting me for trapping her. That was her reality. i had trapped her in the relationship. It wasn't true, but she was upset i travelled with work and could escape when she couldn't. It was never escape for me, i travelled because i had to. Her and the kids were all i wanted to be with. Travel to me was a chore.
Slowly she withdrew more. The more i tried to help and talk, the more she withdrew. All the time she was still paranoid, and now believed the neighbours were spying on her with cameras in the garden. the "cameras" were garden lights.
After three years of constant paranoia and her anxiety, it was starting to effect me. We couldn't go out in the area as she hated the neighbours. Yet to their faces she was bubbly and happy, smiley and almost overly kind. Yet when we were alone, the mask would slip and all her thoughts about them would spill out. Our social life started to be affected,
Anything i said was misunderstood or taken in such a way that i was insulting her. If i said she was silly for thinking in a certain way, i was calling her stupid. Anytime i tried to logic something out with her regarding the neighbours (for example she believed they were watching her shower) it was dismissed. I actually showered and told her to ask if she could see me from the garden. She was confused when she saw she couldn't.
The delusions became worse, and she became more and more paranoid. The textured glass in the bathroom was the wrong way around in her eyes, so people could see in. The motion activated light at the bottom of the garden was a camera, for sure. things like this.She withdrew more and more. I had to go away on a work trip, and the day before i left she asked for a divorce. I was hurt, but said "we can talk about it when i get home" when i arrived at the destination i was working across the world, i messaged her. No response. I tried multiple times until eventually i got a text "The kids will be taken away from me, and i will be sent back to my home country" I rang my father who lived very close to us to find out what was happening.
She had asked him to take her to the police station. She said to report the neighbours for spying, which she did try to do. they obviously didn't listen. She was taken to hospital by my father as she was having a mental breakdown and behaving strangely. I told my boss i had to fly home as something was happening. he booked me the earliest flight and i flew back. I was arrested from the plane. She had accused me of Rape, Control and coercion and ABH. Things i would never do. I was arrested, questioned and told not to go back to my home or to contact her. In one day i lost everything. I was in shock and was an emotional wreck. Worst of all i was concerned and scared for my wife and kids. She blamed me for her emotional state. said i had caused everything and had abused her constantly for years. After a week of staying at my friends house, social services got involved as the kids were missing school. It turns out she was taking the kids to hotels because she was terrified of staying at home. The kids told me later that "mummy thinks men are after her" instead of telling any authorities this, she said it was because she was scared of me. Social services believed everything she said. I was under investigation for the allegations, although not charged. The investigations were ongoing for three months, and in that time i wasn't allowed to contact her at all. Unfortunately in my fear i contacted her repeatedly. She had me arrested for harassment, and i was charged and convicted. I wasn't ever abusive in the texts, but i did contact her a lot.
I secured access to my children through a rushed family court order. I also placed a block on her leaving the country without seeking my permission with the children, as she had taken my passport details to apply for the kids passports without my knowledge. I did this due to her erratic behaviour and i knew she wasn't stable. My father thought i'd over-reacted, but my ex was so good at masking she hid how she really felt even to him. Oscar level masking.
Looking back i realise how bad it was. She ran from her home country at 18 and always ran. she always wanted to move jobs if something went wrong. She would cut off long term friends in an instant if she felt any pressure form them. Her first instinct would always be to flee anything. Any littlle insignificant thing or slight would become something she'd chew over for weeks, often applying the worst case scenario that would then become her reality. The truth was she was constantly afraid. I think at the end i became something she was afraid of too. My determination to keep us together and keep her from falling apart became too much for her. I wasn't always kind and was exasperated a lot. I was too demanding on someone that was exhausted, anxious and clearly unwell. Unfortunately i didn't realise this until too late. I still see the children, but have zero contact with her. She filed a restraining order due to the harassment conviction which i will adhere to. I'm currently going through family court again to secure further rights. She applied for full custody and has said some very terrible untruthful things at court to almost destroy me and remove me from her life. I'm a broken man because of it all, but staying strong for the kids.
I hope there will be some sort of resolution in the future, but i realise that she's scared of me now as she is scared of everything. She told me near the end that she trusts nobody. This broke my heart. The court on the last visit realised that something wasn't right. they have ordered a investigation into our family, and it will hopefully be reported in June when we go back to court. Her medical documents have been re-visited and statements taken. My father witnessed some very strange behaviour and has reported it. We just have to see what happens. She has requested to sell the property we lived in, and i'm slowly watching the life we built implode. She also has asked for the order that stipulates the need for permission to leave the country lifted. June will be the crunch time.

Ministers apologise and return £7,000 in benefits to woman, 93, with dementia
Government ministers have formally apologised and repaid £7,000 to a 93-year-old woman whom they held responsible for running up benefits overpayment debts even though they were told she had dementia and was unable to manage her affairs.
The case, which the minister for disability, Mims Davies, admitted was “disturbing”, was brought to light by the Guardian as part of its investigation into carer's allowance overpayments.
The agreement to write off the debt of the 93-year-old, whom the Guardian has chosen not to name, comes as ministers have promised to try new ways of sharing information with carers to try to prevent them building up months and years of overpayments.
Read the full article on theguardian.com
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DWP confirmed that it is developing an ‘enhanced notification strategy’ to alert carer’s allowance claimants to possible overpayments
Notifications designed to encourage claimants to report changes in income and so reduce the risk of being overpaid.
As part of its policy paper, Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further, that was published earlier this week, the Department says (at paragraph 78) -

'In carer’s allowance we are progressing an enhanced notification strategy as part of our existing commitment to improve customer engagement, building on our existing communications with customers. As part of this notification strategy we are considering all forms of targeted contact to find the most effective and efficient solution, such as exploring the use of targeted text messages or emails to alert claimants and encourage them to contact the Department when the DWP is made aware of a potential overpayment.'

The Department added -

'The new strategy will help claimants understand when they may have received an earnings-related overpayment or are at risk of doing so, and will encourage claimants to contact the DWP to meet their obligation to inform the Department of changes in their income and other relevant circumstances. This will reduce the risk of those customers being overpaid.'

Note: having expressed concern that the DWP had 'done nothing' to stop carers building up huge overpayments of benefit despite knowing what people are earning, Work and Pensions Committee Chair Stephen Timms called on the National Audit Office to investigate problems with the carer's allowance system and, in particular, its failure to prevent or rectify overpayments.
Stephen Timms has also written to Secretary for State for Work and Pensions Mel Stride highlighting concerns about the DWP's lack of progress with overpayments since the previous committee's report in 2019. Mr Timms' letter repeats the committee's recommendation that the DWP increase the rate of carer's allowance and goes on to call for the DWP to review both the amount and the cliff-edge nature of the earnings limit and for the removal of the 21-hour study rule.
For more information, see Policy paper: Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further from gov.uk
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Carers UK has welcomed the DWP's plans, noting this is the 'minimum' they've been calling for to tackle carers' overpayments. However, Director of Policy and Public Affairs Emily Holzhausen also highlights that implementing the strategy is 'urgent', asks that the whole issue be moved out of being branded benefits fraud, and that carer's allowance be reviewed as it should be 'modernised to reflect the realities of caring'.
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DWP-commissioned research highlights how the carer’s allowance earnings threshold influences decisions about how many hours carers work
Report also makes clear that the Department was made aware three years ago that there was room to improve claimant understanding and possibly reduce mistakes leading to overpayments by improving its communications.
The research, Experiences of claiming and receiving carer’s allowance, explores how and why people claim carer's allowance; their caring roles; experiences of combining paid work and care; and how well claimants understand the rules associated with the benefit. While carried out in 2020/2021, the research has been published today against a backdrop of calls for the wholescale reform of carer's allowance as a result of evidence that claimants who have earned above the carer's allowance earnings limit have been left with large overpayments and, in some cases, prosecuted for fraud.
While the research found that many claimants in employment felt there was a practical limit to the hours they could work, with many saying it was only feasible to be working part-time due to their caring responsibilities, it also found that -

• the earnings threshold appeared to influence decisions about how many hours some people worked. Even though claimants often denied that the threshold influenced their choices, they acknowledged being mindful to stay below the threshold. One claimant felt he had to refuse shifts at work that would take him over the threshold;
• in another example, the earnings limit led a claimant to reduce her hours as her wages increased, and eventually she was working so few hours that her employer felt it was not worth employing her due to her limited availability; and
• some claimants in paid work felt they might work more hours if not for the earnings threshold, and even suggested tapering the carer’s allowance earnings rule to encourage claimants to work more.

Published on the same day that the Work and Pensions Select Committee said that there has been insufficient progress in addressing the problems with carer's allowance that it highlighted five years ago, the research makes clear that the Department has been aware of the issues for some time. For example, it highlights confusion relating to the complexity of the earnings calculation, including how deductions such as childcare expenses and pension contributions are taken account of, and whether wages can be averaged if you earn more in a particular week.
In addition, with the Chair of the Select Committee Stephen Timms having said recently that the DWP has done nothing to stop carers building up huge overpayments despite knowing what people are earning, and the Committee having called on the National Audit Office to investigate the problems with the system, the research found that -

• poor communication on the part of the DWP meant that not all of those that had been overpaid benefit were clear on the reason for the overpayment;
• some said that while they were initially notified or questioned about an overpayment there was then no follow-up from the Department; and
• when the overpayment was initially raised, several claimants felt that they were spoken to or treated by DWP as though they had intentionally committed fraud when the overpayment had been a misunderstanding.

As a result, the research says -

'... there is room to improve claimant understanding and possibly reduce mistakes leading to overpayments by improving communications around eligibility criteria. Since claimants did not engage with the detail of their benefit regularly, possibly only considering it once a year when they received their annual letter, more frequent communications may improve clarity of knowledge around carer’s allowance.'

Other key findings include that -

• most claimants cared for close relatives, with two in five caring for a child (39 per cent), a quarter caring for a spouse or partner (25 per cent), and one in five (22 per cent) caring for a parent;
• caring was a long-term and high-intensity commitment, with half of claimants (52 per cent) spending 65 or more hours caring per week and more than half (54 per cent) caring for between 5 and 20 years;
• only 16 per cent of carer's allowance claimants were currently in paid work, tending to work part- time in lower paid jobs that they were able to fit around their caring responsibilities, with most (81 per cent) working 20 hours or less a week;
• of those not currently in paid work, seven in ten (69 per cent) said this was due to their responsibilities as a carer, with other barriers including a lack of flexible working options, claimants’ own health and confidence issues; and
• there was a lag between starting caring and claiming carer's allowance, with seven in ten claimants (70 per cent) caring for 5+ years, but only 3 in 10 (34 per cent) having claimed carer's allowance for that length of time.

For more information, see Experiences of claiming and receiving carer’s allowance from gov.uk
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Almost 135,000 people currently have an outstanding carer's allowance debt, with more than £250 million owed in total, according to figures supplied by DWP Minister Paul Maynard
DWP Minister also confirms that women represent 68 per cent of those with an outstanding debt.
Responding to a written question in Parliament from Work and Pensions Committee Chair Stephen Timms, Mr Maynard said -

'As of 14 May 2024, the volume of people who have an outstanding carers allowance debt is 134,800 with a total value of £251 million. This figure represents the total stock and as such the total monetary amount may have been accrued over multiple years. Those who have an outstanding carers allowance debt may no longer be in receipt of the benefit.'

Mr Maynard added that -

'Women make up the majority of carer’s allowance claims, and this is reflected in the proportion of those with an outstanding carer’s allowance debt. As of 14 May 2024, there were 42,800 (32 per cent) males, 91,900 (68 per cent) females and 100 (less than 1 per cent) not identified, with an outstanding carer's allowance debt.'

The Minister also confirmed that, as of November 2023, there were more than 991,000 people in receipt of carer's allowance, consisting of around 271,000 (27 per cent) males and 720,000 (73 per cent) females.
Mr Maynard's written answer is available from parliament.uk
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Total value of benefit overpayments in 2023/2024 increased to almost £10 billion, representing 3.7 per cent of benefit expenditure for the year
New DWP figures also show that official error underpayments remained at around £1 billion, and that people could have claimed more than £3 billion more 'if they had provided accurate information about their circumstances'.
In Fraud and error in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates, the DWP calculates how much money it overpaid or underpaid as a percentage of total benefit expenditure for the year (£266.2bn) - for benefits including universal credit, housing benefit, personal independence payment, employment and support allowance and pension credit - and how many claims were paid an incorrect amount.
Note: the statistics no longer include estimates of claimant error underpayments as these are now published separately, as confirmed in recent DWP guidance.
In relation to incorrect payment rates across all benefits for the financial year ending (FYE) 2024, the figures show that the total rate of benefit expenditure overpaid was 3.7 per cent (£9.7bn), compared with 3.6 per cent (£8.3bn) in 2022/2023. In addition, the total rate of benefit expenditure underpaid was 0.4 per cent (£1.1bn), compared with 0.5 per cent (£1.2bn) in FYE 2023.
Looking in more detail at the figures for individual benefits, the statistics include data showing that -

• for universal credit, expenditure increased to £51.9bn in 2024 with an overpayment rate of 12.4 per cent (£6.5bn) and underpayment rate of 0.3 per cent (£180m), compared to expenditure of £43.4 bn, overpayments at 12.7 per cent (£5.5bn) and underpayments at 0.6 per cent (£240m) in FYE 2023;
• for personal independence payment (PIP), the overpayment rate was at the lowest recorded level of 0.4 per cent (£90m), compared with 1.1 per cent (£200m) in FYE 2023. However, the underpayment rate went up to 0.4 per cent (£80m), from 0.3 per cent (£60m) the previous year;
• for pension credit, the overpayment rate was 9.7 per cent (£520m) in FYE 2024, compared with 6.8 per cent (£330m) in the previous year, with underpayments remaining unchanged at 0.3 per cent (£50m) for both years; and
• for housing benefit, almost £1bn (£980m) was overpaid in FYE 2024 (6.3 per cent of expenditure), compared with £860m (5.7 per cent) in 2023. Underpayments remained stable at 0.4 per cent of spending (£50m in FYE 2024 and £60m in FYE 2023).

In addition to the fraud and error statistics, the DWP has also issued Unfulfilled eligibility in the benefit system: Financial Year Ending (FYE) 2024, in line with its decision to remove claimant underpayments from its main fraud and error estimates. The new statistics set out the percentage of benefit expenditure that could have been paid to people with unfulfilled eligibility 'if they had provided the correct information', and show key findings that include -

• the unfulfilled eligibility rate for 2024 is 1.2 per cent of expenditure (£3.1bn), compared with 1.0 per cent (£2.3bn) in the previous year; and
• universal credit, PIP and disability living allowance (DLA) account for around three-quarters of the total value of unfulfilled eligibility (at £730m, £870m and £750m respectively in FYE 2024).

The DWP highlighted that -

'PIP has the second highest unfulfilled eligibility rate [4 per cent] of all benefits and fairly high expenditure [£21.6bn], so due to this combination, PIP accounts for around one-quarter of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024. DLA has the highest unfulfilled eligibility rate [11.1 per cent] but relatively low expenditure [£6.8m], so even though its rate is higher than PIP, it accounts for a similar amount of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024. Universal credit has a lower unfulfilled eligibility rate than DLA and PIP [1.4 per cent] but its high expenditure means that it also accounts for a similar amount of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024.'

For more information, see Fraud and error in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates and Unfulfilled eligibility in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates from gov.uk
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Work and Pensions Secretary Mel Stride has set out the DWP's plans to scale up its 'fight against fraudsters'
New measures include using machine learning to detect and prevent fraudulent claims, as well as introducing a new Bill to enable benefit fraud to be treated like tax fraud.
Issuing a written statement in the House of Commons on 13th May, Mr Stride said -

'In the continued fight against fraud, today the Government will publish a new paper setting out the progress we have made in tackling fraud and error in the welfare system - Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further. The paper sets out the progress we have made in delivering the commitments in the Government's 2022 command paper Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System and it demonstrates where we are going further to protect taxpayers’ money from fraudsters.'

Highlighting that the Data Protection and Digital Information Bill, currently before Parliament, will enable the Department to work with third parties such as banks to identify claims that signal potential fraud and error, Mr Stride says that the new measures being introduced include -

• bringing forward a new Fraud Bill in the next parliament to treat benefit fraud like tax fraud, by providing for the ability to make arrests and conduct searches and seizures by warrant;
• exploring a new civil penalty to punish fraudsters, potentially broadening the scope of cases that can receive a penalty when the courts are not prosecuting, and increasing the value of the civil penalty;
• tripling the size of the Targeted Case Review programme to reach almost 6,000 staff with the aim of saving £6.6 billion by 2027/2028; and
• making changes to universal credit including new partly automated checks on self-employed income, new online prompts for claimants to re-declare their circumstances (such as if they have moved in with a partner), and increasing checks on capital when people claim the benefit to ensure they are eligible.

Note: the Department confirms that final decisions on accepting or stopping a claim will, however, continue to be made by a member of DWP staff.
For more information, see DWP updates Fraud Plan from gov.uk
In response to the above article the Disability News Service reported that the government's fraud policy paper ignores coroner’s concerns over review of disabled woman’s universal credit claim. Read the DNS article on disabilitynewsservice.com
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Less than half of legacy benefit claimants who were sent a migration notice between July 2022 and March 2024 have made a claim for universal credit, according to new figures from the DWP
However, new DWP statistics also show that 60 per cent of households that claimed universal credit have been awarded transitional protection.
In Completing the move to Universal Credit: statistics related to the move of households claiming Tax Credits and DWP benefits to Universal Credit: data to end of March 2024, the DWP sets out figures for the period since July 2022, noting that -

'In the period covered by this bulletin, the vast majority of migration notices have been sent to tax credit households whose likelihood of claiming universal credit and receiving transitional protection may be different from DWP legacy benefit claimants, the majority of whom had not yet been sent a migration notice in the period covered in this bulletin.'

The statistics include that -

• a total of 824,050 individuals (in 540,070 households) were sent migration notices up to March 2024 - up by around 300,000 and 200,000 respectively compared to the totals for December 2023;
• a total of 400,940 individuals (49 per cent of those sent migration notices), living in 275,980 households, have made a claim for universal credit;
• of households that have claimed universal credit, 166,860 (60 per cent) have been awarded transitional protection;
• a total of 238,990 individuals who were sent migration notices are still going through the managed migration process; and
• a total of 184,120 individuals who were sent migration notices have had their legacy benefit claims closed.

Move to Universal Credit statistics, July 2022 to March 2024 is available from gov.uk
Note: the DWP has also published Universal Credit statistics, 29 April 2013 to 11 April 2024­ which show that there were 6.7 million people on universal credit in April 2024 (300,000 more than the 6.4 million in January 2024) and that half of households on universal credit that received a payment in February 2024 included children.
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Department for Communities also confirms that claimants in receipt of other legacy benefits will be issued with migration notices 'in the coming months'
The Department for Communities (DfC) has confirmed that the 'Move to UC' rollout in Northern Ireland has expanded this week to include people receiving tax credits along with housing benefit.
Announcing the expansion of the process, Deputy Secretary of Work and Health at the DfC Paddy Rooney said -

'We continue to take a measured and carefully managed approach to migrating legacy benefit recipients to universal credit. We have already successfully completed issuing migration notices to tax credit only recipients and we will continue to take every step possible to ensure that everyone receives the help and support they need during this next phase of Move to UC.'

The Department also confirmed that once it has issued migration notices to all those receiving tax credits with housing benefit, the following groups will be contacted in this order -

• people claiming income support;
• people claiming housing benefit only, and those claiming child tax credit with income-related employment and support allowance (ESA); and
• people claiming income-based jobseeker's allowance.

In relation to the bringing forward of managed migration for ESA and ESA/housing benefit claimants in Great Britain, announced by the Prime Minister on 19 April 2024, the DfC says that it is working to assess the impact of this on the region. It also confirms that it will align with the DWP's aim to complete the migration of legacy benefit claimants to universal credit by March 2025.
For more information, see Tax credit with housing benefit recipients next to 'Move to UC' and Rollout of Universal Credit for Tax Credit and Legacy Benefit customers - screening from ni.gov.uk
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57,000 adverse universal credit sanction decisions were made in January 2024, according to new DWP statistics
DWP statistics also highlight that around 95 per cent of decisions are as a result of failure to attend or participate in a mandatory interview.
In Benefit sanctions statistics to February 2024, the DWP reports on both the rate and duration of sanctions for universal credit claimants who are in conditionality regimes where they be applied.
Key findings include that -

• in February 2024, 30.1 per cent of claimants were in conditionality regimes that were subject to sanctions and, of these, 6.52 per cent were sanctioned - down 0.64 percentage points from the previous quarter;
• over the last year, 94.9 per cent of adverse sanction decisions were for failure to attend or participate in a mandatory interview; and
• in February 2024, there were 20,000 completed sanctions in the 4 weeks to 13 weeks sanction duration band, 4,800 in the over 13 weeks to 26 weeks duration band, and 4,000 of over 26 weeks duration.

In addition, while the total number of claimants in conditionality regimes where sanctions can be applied has remained largely stable since May 2022 (currently at 1.95 million), the total number of adverse sanction decisions stood at 57,000 in January 2024, the highest since March 2022.
The DWP notes that -

'Comparisons with universal credit prior to February 2024 ... should not be made. This is because the data sources, methodology and rules of the benefits differ from those used for universal credit currently.'

However, it adds that, following the reinstated duration measures and rate methodology improvements, the data is now determined stable and fit for purpose and, as of May 2024, it is published under the 'Official Statistics' label as opposed to 'in development'.
For more information, see Benefit sanctions statistics to February 2024 from gov.uk
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DWP has admitted missing multiple opportunities to record the 'vulnerability' of a disabled woman whose death was later linked by a coroner to failings at the heart of its UC system
The Disability News Service reported on the case of Nazerine (known as Naz) Anderson, from Melton Mowbray, who died of an overdose in June last year, after receiving a UC review notice.
According to a prevention of future deaths (PFD) report sent to the department by coroner Fiona Butler, the DWP missed six opportunities to record Anderson’s “vulnerability” on its IT system while it was reviewing her universal credit claim, and had failed to act on the mental distress she showed in phone calls about her claim. It also repeatedly failed to act on requests to direct its telephone calls and letters to her daughter.
The DWP admits multiple universal credit failures before disabled woman’s death article is available on disabilitynewsservice.com
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Number of emergency food parcels distributed across the UK by the Trussell Trust has increased by 90 per cent over the past five years
Food charity reports that it distributed more than three million parcels last year, with more than a million of them going to children.
In Emergency food parcel distribution in the UK: April 2023 - March 2024, the Trust says that it distributed 3,121,404 food parcels, the most parcels that it has ever distributed in a financial year, representing a four per cent increase on last year's record-breaking numbers for 2022/2023 and a 94 per cent increase since 2018/2019.
The charity also highlights that the number of parcels provided to children has continued to rise, exceeding 1.1 million in 2023/2024, and that food bank support is provided disproportionately to children, compared to the proportion of children in the UK population. In addition, it notes that pension age households are increasingly likely to need to use a food bank, with food bank support for these households having more than quadrupled between 2018/2019 and 2023/2024 (an increase of 345 per cent), compared to an 81 per cent rise amongst households without someone of pension age.
Also sharing statistics on the reason for referral for an emergency food parcel - which include health, benefit issues, work hour changes, insecure housing, changes in personal circumstances, immigration status and domestic abuse, as well as income and debt levels - the Trussell Trust says -

'Across all households the most common reason for referral was due to issues with income and debt levels. The vital role of the social security system in driving these trends is clear from the fact that the majority (78 per cent) of people referred to food banks were reported to solely have income from the social security system, with a further 8 per cent having earned income as well as income from social security.'

Trussell Trust Chief Executive Emma Revie said -

'It’s 2024 and we’re facing historically high levels of food bank need. As a society, we cannot allow this to continue. We must not let food banks become the new norm ... A supportive social security system is the bedrock on which we end hunger for good. Building on this, we need much more effective employment and financial support for parents, carers and disabled people, and action to ensure everyone can have the security we all need to access opportunities and have hope for the future, through more secure and flexible jobs and investment in social housing. Food banks are not the answer. They will be there to support people as long as they are needed, but our political leaders must take bold action to build a future where everyone has enough money to afford the life’s essentials. The time to act is now.'

For more information, see End of Year Stats from trusselltrust.org
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Employment Minister Jo Churchill has provided a House of Lords Select Committee with an undertaking that the administrative earnings threshold (AET) in universal credit will not be increased again without a 'sound evidence base'
However, Minister's evidence to Lords Committee fails to address its dissatisfaction with DWP's explanation for not publishing robust evidence to support previous increases in the threshold.
Further to the Lords Secondary Legislation Scrutiny Committee's report on new regulations that implemented a further increase in the AET from 13 May 2024 - that criticised the ‘inexplicable’ lack of data evaluating previous increases in the threshold in September 2022 and January 2023 - the Committee held a one-off evidence session yesterday to question the Minister and DWP officials.
Introducing the session, Committee Chair Lord Hunt acknowledged that the DWP had agreed to share its informal findings supporting its AET policy. However Lord Hunt added that -

'... similar, no doubt to the material that the Social Security Advisory Committee saw but correctly declined, if information is not available to the House and the public, then we feel unable to consider it either.'

The Committee then questioned the Minister about the Department's failure to publish evidence providing an assessment of the impact of increasing the AET either before or after implementing the change.
In response, Ms Churchill highlighted that the Department did publish a randomised controlled trial evaluation in 2018 providing the highest level of evidence on the impacts of increased in-work conditionality that Ministers have had sight of. When challenged that this evidence is somewhat outdated and 'a bit threadbare' - as it has been relied on for three increases in the AET - Ms Churchill indicated that Ministers also had early sight of unpublished research (a Regression Discontinuity Design (RDD) study) that compares the experiences of claimants who are just below and just above the AET.
When pressed on the expected publication dates for this and further evidence, Mr Churchill said -

'I have asked for [the RDD study] to be available as soon as it can be, and the date I was given was spring 2024 ... I would like it out the door as soon as possible, so you have more data ... RDD is the next piece, the next building block and then, the longitudinal study will come through in 2025.'

Concluding the session with a final question, Lord Hunt, speaking on behalf of the whole Committee, said -

'... we're looking for an undertaking from you, not to further expand the cohort until the Department can publish robust evidence of its effects. Are you able to give us that undertaking?

Ms Churchill responded -

'So are you alluding to us holding 15 hours or with this latest laying at 18? Because I could certainly say to you, I think with all confidence that at 18, we want to understand the iterations and make sure that we've got a sound evidence base from there.'

NB - the increase in the AET in January 2023 was based, for individuals, on the equivalent of them working 15 hours per week at the National Living Wage, and this week's increase to the equivalent of them working 18 hours per week.
Despite welcoming the Minister's reply, Lord Hunt went on to say -

'... we accept your undertaking, except we are still as dissatisfied as we were because you haven't provided, in the view of the Committee, sufficient explanation yet. We are awaiting this robust evidence, which I think that we now expect in June 2024.'

The evidence session Regulations to increase the Administrative Earnings Threshold (Legislative scrutiny) is available from parliament.tv
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Work and Pensions Select Committee has called on the government to bring forward proposals to compensate women born in the 1950s who suffered as a result of the DWP's communication failures when their pension age was increased, and asks that it does so in the current parliamentary session
Committee chair highlights lengthy delay and urgency for affected women and calls on government to act on Parliamentary Ombudsman recommendations before summer recess.
Writing to Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Mel Stride, Committee Chair Stephen Timms requests government support for 'urgent action' following the Parliamentary Ombudsman's final report in March 2024 which recommended a remedy based on level 4 of its severity of injustice scale, putting awards at between £1,000 and £2,950.
Mr Timms says that the Committee does not seek to question the Ombudsman's proposal for compensation at level 4, but instead has focused on what a remedy may look like -

'The evidence we received indicated support for a rules-based system. This would be a system where payments would be adjusted within a range (based on the PHSO’s severity of injustice scale) to reflect the extent of change in the individual’s State Pension age and the notice of the change which the individual received. This would mean that the less notice you had of the change and the bigger the change in your SPA, the higher the payment you would receive. While not perfect, the advantages of such a system are that it would be: quick to administer; applying known data to a formula to determine the amount due; and relatively inexpensive (compared to a more bespoke system).'

The Committee's recommendation also includes some flexibility for individuals to make the case for further compensation in the event that they have experienced direct financial loss, for example where a woman whose divorce settlement was less than it would have been because it was based on the expectation that she would receive her state pension at 60.
Mr Timms also asks the government to consider -

'... the need for urgent action, given that the Ombudsman started to look at this issue in 2018 and that every 13 minutes a woman born in the 1950s dies ... Implementing a remedy will need parliamentary time, financial resources, and the data and technical systems only available to your department. It cannot happen without government support. We would ask you to bring forward proposals for a remedy by the summer recess.'

Mr Timms' letter to the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions is available from parliament.uk
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Back in 2012, I started the process of leaving my abusive ex husband. While his abuse was mostly verbal and emotional, during the divorce, he got physical.
I had filed for default in the divorce and this set him off. He called the bank and had my bank account frozen and then came to my house to take things. I went in the garage to try and stop him and he hit me in the face. I called the cops and he was arrested. I went down to the court house the next day and got a restraining order.
During this time, child support opened a case. This enraged him even more and he made contact via a third party, claiming I was psychotic. I documented the restraining order violation with a police report and went about my life.
A few weeks later, I was out with the kids on the 4th of July, when I got a call from the Sheriff’s Dept. My ex had called them and claimed I was suicidal. They looked and saw I had a restraining order against him so they were calling to check on me. I told them I was fine and I was out watching fireworks with my kids. They said to have a good night. I thought that was the end of it.
About a month later, I had taken an Ambien, but instead of laying down, I did the dishes. Then I couldn’t remember if I had taken my pill or not, so I took it again, not realizing I had already taken it. I was looking over old messages in my email and found an email from my ex. I felt bad about how things were between us. I texted him, “I’m not gonna bother you anymore. Let’s just try to be amicable from now on.” . I put my phone down and fell asleep.
A short while later, I saw flashlights in my bedroom window. I got up to find the Sheriff’s Dept at my door. I opened the door and they told me that my ex had called them and said I was suicidal. I told them I had a restraining order against him. They asked to come inside and I let them in. A fatal mistake.
I explained that things were very stressful between us and that I had texted him I wasn’t going to bother him anymore and requested that we try to be amicable. I showed them my phone. I told them that I had taken an Ambien and went to bed. They asked to see my pill bottle. I gave it to them. They counted the pills and that’s when it was discovered that I took 2 pills instead of 1. The Sheriff wanted to take me to the hospital to get checked out. I cooperated with them.
They called my ex to come and get the kids, but his phone was off. I had to give them his room mates number. I told the Sheriff, “If he really thought I was suicidal, why would he turn his phone off after calling you out here? He is just harassing me.” They got ahold of him, he came and got the kids and they drove me to the hospital.
The hospital counselor comes and talks to me. I explain that I have a restraining order against the person claiming that I’m suicidal. I took the extra Ambien by mistake. It was an accident. I’m not suicidal. I’m under the care of a therapist as my divorce is very stressful. She refuses to call my therapist and instead places me on a 5150 psych hold. Now I am terrified. I’m being locked away at the request of someone I have a restraining order against.
They put me in an ambulance and ship me two hours away to the looney bin. Because it is Saturday, I didn’t see the psychiatrist until Monday. I spent that two days in utter shock. My abuser made me disappear and he used the Sheriffs to help him do it.
Monday comes. I see the psychiatrist. I explain that I have a restraining order against the person claiming I’m suicidal. The Ambien thing was an accident. My therapist can verify everything. He tells me if my therapist backs my story, he will end the hold and send me home. He calls my therapist. My therapist demands that they release me immediately. Psych tells me he will work on getting me out of here.
I used the phone at the nurses station to check my voicemail. I have a vm from my ex’s attorney saying that my ex filed for sole custody of the kids and the hearing was tomorrow. That’s when it hit me. He had me locked away on a 5150 to get the kids in his possession to file for custody to get out of paying child support. I played the message for the nurse. They got my discharge done and got me out of there within an hour.
I showed up to court the next day. His attorney approached me and asked if I would be willing to sign custody over to my ex. I stared at him until he backed away from me. When they called our case, it turned out the filing fees weren’t paid so the court refused to hear the case. We were rescheduled to the next day.
I left the court house, got a letter from my therapist and copies of all police reports. I came back the next morning and provided everything to the judge. The judge refused to give my ex custody and referred us to mediation. He instructed my ex to return the kids to me immediately. My babies were home that night.
After this incident, I was afraid to pursue the restraining order. If he was able to weaponize the Sheriff’s Dept against me in my own home with a restraining order in place, I would never be safe in this town. I had to find a new plan. I had to find a way to leave town.
6 months later, after giving away everything I owned and moving out of my place, I showed up to the court house on a crisp spring morning where I was granted permission to leave the state of California with my babies. We walked out of the court house, got in the car and drove away. We reached Las Vegas by midnight. That wasn’t our final destination, just the first part of our journey. And that is the story of how I escaped my abuser.

Basically, I’m a sucker for books where MC2 has been suffering in silence for a long time and has abandoned all expectations of a better life, but then suddenly MC1 realises what’s happening and devotes themselves fiercely to protecting MC2. I’d like the book to depict all three stages of the situation – starting with MC2 suffering and MC1 being oblivious, then showing the moment where MC1 realises what's happening, then showing the protection/comfort that comes after – but it doesn’t really matter to me what percentage of the book is devoted to which stage. I also don’t mind whether the reader knows about the suffering before MC1 or if they realise it at the same time, and I don’t mind what exactly the suffering consists of (most of the books l’ve read that fit the trope depict some kind of abuse, but it definitely doesn’t have to be that).
Some examples of books l've enjoyed that fit the trope: - Winter’s Orbit, Everina Maxwell – Kiem is a prince arranged to marry Jainan, who’s the widower of Kiem’s cousin Taam and who comes across as very cold and uptight. Eventually, Kiem realises that Taam was abusive, and that Jainan has assumed all marriages are like that and is now just waiting for Kiem to start hurting him. - A Strange and Stubborn Endurance, Foz Meadows – another arranged marriage one, but this time Vel was sexually assaulted by his ex before the marriage and expects it to happen again with his husband, Cae. Cae actually figures it out what’s happening ~30% of the way throunh the book, leaving a lot of time for the comfort side of things. - Orientation, Gregory Ashe – North & Shaw are best friends (and endgame lovers), North is in a physically abusive marriage but explains away the injuries as coming from boxing, eventually Shaw accidentally eavesdrops on him being beaten and is horrified. Interestingly, it takes a long time for Shaw to tell North that he’s figured out what’s happening. Shaw starts off by laying into North’s husband instead. - Prince of Agony, Tavia Lark – Kaz is a prince who releases magic when in pain, and this magic can then be harnessed by the person who inflicted the pain. His parents have whipped him in secret all his life and have taught him that everyone else will hurt him too if they know the truth, so he puts up a very cold front. Lucien is a prisoner at the palace whom Kaz has claimed as a personal slave, ostensibly to humiliate him but actually to protect him from a worse punishment, because he’s a total softie at heart. Lucien finally works out what’s going on and ends up basically defending Kaz from the other side of the power dynamic. - Empty Net, Avon Gale – Laurent is a minor-league hockey player who’s universally hated for acting like a jerk. He gets traded to a rival team as a back-up for their starter goalie, Isaac. Turns out that’s Laurent’s only like that because his father and ex-coach was horrifically abusive, and he’s gotten used to hurting people before they can hurt him. Isaac figures this out when he finds Laurent crying in the team shower with scars all over his back, and by the end of the book, the whole team has rallied together around him. - Two Man Station, Lisa Henry – Gio is a city policeman who used to date another officer on his team, but got him fired before the book starts – he blew the whistle about his ex’s drug use and how it was making him dangerously aggressive during arrests. The version of the story that spread through the police service was that Gio had made up a rumour about his ex to ruin his career, so he’s universally hated. His higher-ups transfer him to a small outback station as a kind of unofficial punishment, and his new partner, Jason, also gives him a very frosty reception. Eventually, Jason becomes the first person to learn not just the true circumstances of the firing, but also that Gio’s ex also used to beat him and that his old colleagues have been harassing him ever since the incident, including refusing to provide him with backup in the field, making anonymous phone calls threatening his niece, and sending unmarked packages containing dog food to his new station. Jason flips into being fiercely defensive of Gio, and it’s a delight to witness. - Watch Me, Sloane Kennedy – Jude is a high-flying businessman who comes across as very uptight and abrasive, but he’s actually just trying to hold down a high-stress job while dealing with severe ADHD and intense fear of failure from his time in foster care. Nikolai is his bodyguard who slowly sees through him and starts looking after him.
My ‘no’s in a book are: poly, incest including stepfamily stuff, BDSM (I can handle someone being tied up during sex or a tiny bit of a dom/sub vibe during sex, but nothing more intense than that), daddy kink, age play, and omegaverse.
Thanks so much everyone, really appreciate you even taking the time to read this far ❤️

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Throwaway1209aloq posting in TrueOffMyChest
Concluded as per OOP
Content warning - implied stealthing
1 update - Medium
Original - 31st March 2024
Update - 17th May 2024
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Dumped my girlfriend over a joke and I can't tell anyone or I'll look like a psycho.
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My (23M) Ex (25F) and I were together for just under eight months, and like, we clicked. Got along like a house on fire from the moment we met. We had a lot in common from our morals, to our goals, to our taste in music. My family? Loves her. probably more than they do me. (Mom wanted a daughter so bad she couldn't stand it growing up- 4 sons before she gave up.)
It was probably three months ago now that we had been on the couch while I watched a movie and she scrolled TikTok, (Not a TikTok hate post, scrolling can be fun, I'm just more of a Youtube guy.)
Speaking of showing me videos, she showed me one of a man holding his son, and dancing to a song. She laughed and said something about how good I would look as a dad, which was pretty weird considering as far as I knew, both of us were child-free by choice. (God knows I am.) I tried to take it as a joke, and mentioned that it was "too bad, so sad," she would never know. (I thought she would respond something about how there's nothing sad about avoiding it or something. She has never given me indication before this that she wanted children.)
And she started giggling this like, evil giggle, and said something like "I don't know, it only take's one broken condom." In this like sing-song voice that I'm not even joking gave me fucking goosebumps. The implication was clear in her tone. Like, was she making a joke about poking holes in condoms? To me? For real? I tried to laugh it off, but it made me SO fucking uncomfortable. Like skin-crawling levels of skeeved the fuck out. And after that my sexual interest for her was entirely gone, it's like I processed her as a threat or something. To be entirely honest? My libido in general is entirely fucking gone. Still hasn't come back. It feels like it's hibernating or something, until the scary lady is gone.
I know what you're thinking, "Why didn't you communicate?", and I tried, like a couple times, but when she said "Oh my god, I was kidding you big baby!" but never denied that the joke was about that. I dropped it, and stopped bringing it up. I didn't think it was worth the fight at that point, because while I still do care about her, like, a lot, I do not feel comfortable even going to sleep around her, and there is no way that is gonna mesh with a healthy relationship. If there's no trust, there's no relationship, that's how I feel, right? So I broke up with her, and when I told her, I said it was because I really needed to "focus on myself". Didn't see a point in telling her then - it would have just pissed her off. As is, she seemed to take it in stride, not angry, or concerningly upset, so that's good.
My family is more heartbroken than I am, and I haven't been great. They're begging me to reconsider, not that I would, especially considering there's no way in hell I'm telling them anything, my mother would be beside herself, think 'grandchildren please son, give me grandchildren', but more than that, I know even my dad, who doesn't care about grandchildren, and recognizes that he's more likely to get them from my younger siblings, would call me out for overreacting. So they got the same story she did. It's frustrating, because I know it's no big deal, and a joke, but it had also been upsetting, or sad. .
I know I'm overreacting, but in the moment it felt like my only option, and I really don't want to take it back even if I am. I know you may think I'm paranoid, and I probably am, but I just could not stop thinking about it. After she told that joke, I think it was gonna end one way or another, so I'm glad it ended on decent terms instead of trying to stay and fix everything until I hated her.
Sorry, I'm talking a lot, but Like I said, no one to talk to about this because being unreasonable IRL is like a criminal arrest and I'm trying to avoid another of that particular black mark on my reputation. Anyway. Off to research Vasectomies because I will not be entering another relationship, or becoming any kind of active with anyone until then haha.
TL;DR: My ex made a broken-condom joke and I spiraled so hard I ended the relationship, but that's really embarrassing so I half-heartedly claimed it was for self improvement instead.
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Comments
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Birchbeerisawesome
First of all, you are young, and relationships aren’t always going to work out long term. Also, since you had such a strong reaction to the “joke”, it seems like the vascectomy route is going to be your best path going forward! I’m of the firm belief that if you don’t want kids, definitely don’t risk having them! You will be ok in the long run, stick by what’s right for you!
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maximusultra
If you're 100% child free as a dude fr vasectomy is the legit end game , but you have to do the 3 months of condoms or abstinence but also need to beat the shmeat 20x to clear the mag
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absolutemadwoman
One of the secrets in life is: you can break up with someone for ANY reason.
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Update - 1.5 months later
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Well. I never ever thought I would update, but I have one, lol. Like I thought I had lost the password to this account and everything, but it was saved in the notes on my laptop. This isn't much of an update, but I can say that I did end up telling my friends more about the breakup- after I found out my ex is trying for a baby with her new bf, also her ex.
Also I wasn't stalking her to get this information, I live in a small town, and two of my friends came to me and told me. They said they didn't want me to find out from someone else, but I didn't really care outside of the relief that now I was sure that she wasn't pregnant during the breakup, something that had been giving me nightmares- they calmed down. Apparently both of them thought I would react badly to the information and spiral or something. Whatever.
I know a lot of people said I had taken a joke and overreacted, was a cruel-hearted and evil misogynist trying to control her body and everything else, but this just confirmed to me that she was never joking. I mean, its been a little over two months since the break-up, and she's trying to have a baby.
I'm not angry at her anymore, not at all, in fact I'm happy for her, because if this is what she want's good for her. I just wish she could have told me sooner, so as to not waste either of our times.
I've been working on getting a Vasectomy, but as of now it hasn't happened yet. But as I mentioned in the last post I won't be sexually/romantically active to any degree with anyone but my hand until that's completed. I think I'm lightly traumatized- this is a joke, you can laugh! What else? Uhhh.... I'm thinking about getting a new dog? I have nothing else to add here, but thanks anyway.
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Comments
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granny_weatherwax_
You know what? I don't think you broke up over a joke. I think you broke up over a threat. If my partner joked about getting me pregnant by fucking with my birth control, and I KNEW they wanted to be a parent, I would have a really hard time trusting them again, especially without an earnest apology and a straightforward conversation where they acknowledged why the "joke" would be scary.
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Alien_lifeform_666
Absolutely, 100%, that was a threat. She was effectively telling him that she could arrange to get pregnant if she wanted to, and there’s nothing he could do about it. That’s breakup territory.
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Ok_Budget1724
Interesting perspective - I’ve been begging for an IUD but have made similar jokes in the past - fully anticipating he would be wearing a condom or having plan b effective / an abortion as worst case scenario. I think getting a vasectomy if YOU don’t want children is important. I stopped traditional birth control for health reasons / disorganisation but always let that partner know.

OOP: Yeah, I explained it in the last post to a degree, but I didn't really get into my medical anxiety. I have it a lot, and even when I made my last post I knew I was going to have to get one, because I realized trusting someone else with my future- no matter how trustworthy they may seem- isn't enough. I have never, and never intend to have sex without a condom. Even after the vasectomy, and every woman I've been with sexually has expressed that they are also childfree, and are on birth control of some kind. I am not into taking chances. I wouldn't mentally be able to handle having a child, and I would be a terrible father. I knew it was my time to take it into my own hands after last time, but was still extremely nervous, to the point I was considering becoming celibate, just to avoid the possibility all together.
It was actually the men, and wives of men on reddit who reached out after my last post, and explained that they understood the nerves, and they were natural, but that it really wasn't as scary, or as painful as it sounds. I am very thankful for that, because it helped me to get up the balls (pun not intended), to bring it up with my doctor and start the process. Some even gave me advice on how to deal with the healing process, which I have fully taken under advisement.
I'm hoping that afterword I feel the same way they do: Confused and frustrated with myself as to why I didn't do it sooner.

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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

My birthday, hooray, May 19th. Wow another half year, gone within an instant, fucking appalling. How time can move faster than I can exist is unbelievable, whatever, fuck it, i'm useless. I live vicariously throughout the trenches of Reddit's brain rot and isolate myself within the walls of my rusted cell, only escaping restraint when I feel like existing. My life is a fucking joke, I'm barely pubescent and my life feels like it's already done, I don't know how much longer I can take. Barely beginning my life and already have a criminal record, pathetic, a disappointment is how you could describe my life. I'm a fucking loser, I just get the short end of the stick every time, every single time in my life, i genuinely can't describe a moment in my life where i didn't. If you're wondering, the charges were for threats against my school, yeah, I'm not the victim, I'm a fucking piece of shit, but I'll still play it. These manipulative, self-centered, downright malicious and utterly foul robots known as the "Feds" really fucked my life over, they arrested me, threw me in a cell for a day, made me sign some bullshit forum "don't be around guns", "don't go to school" yeah yeah, fuck you bums. Yeah I made the threats sure, but then they say shit like "express your feelings!" "talk about your thoughts!" except what they don't say is that when you do we'll handcuff you, throw you in a police cruiser and refrain you from going to school, so any chance of you ever having a meaningful education or occupation will be utterly erased, so that's great, I'll just be the part-time janitor of a condom factory. That's ridiculous. The teachers at my school always target me, once I got sent to the office and had to work in that miserable cesspool for that day for eating the rest of my chocolate bar I had at lunch on the way outside, unfucking believable, or when I got sent to the office for "getting in a fight" some fucking alien headed kid twice my size tried to fight me because I "was kicking rocks at him" (I wasn't, the worms in his brain were probably just eating faster that usual). And so I attempted to defuse the situation by asking him what the fuck he wanted to fight for and then eventually walked away. I went to the office because the kid's brother said he would jump me and the office looked me dead in the face and said "yeah, but you were on the wrong side of the yard" (this was during covid and there were sides of the yard we had to stay on and yes, i was on the wrong side but that had nothing to do with him antagonizing me and wanting to fight me). Put yourself in my shoes here, some kid you don't know wants to fight you and then his brother says he'll jump you, so you go to the teachers for help and they pretty much just say, sorry lil bro, not today. So, the teachers hate me, the students hate me and everyone expects you to go to school everyday, be on your best accord and not lash out... Do you not think that affects me mentally? So yeah, just arrest me and not solve the violence and fighting problem nor drug problem at my school and just fuck me over. fuck you, fuck the feds, fuck life, fuck everything, you'l all be sorry and regret this shit.

**Throwaway account due to personal nature.**
I've been with my partner for over 20 years, and we have a 5-year-old child. I am the sole breadwinner and primary caregiver. My partner has worked less than a year in all the time we’ve been together.
We met in college and moved across the country for my first job. He also got a job but was unhappy and quit after seven months, citing depression. Initially, I urged him to find another job, but eventually, I stopped asking. My career was thriving, and we had a comfortable lifestyle without the added stress of pushing him to work.
He started drinking heavily to cope with his depression and refused to seek medical help, insisting that doctors and medications were ineffective. I stayed with him until his behavior became frightening. On two occasions, I left our apartment in the middle of the night, fearing for my safety. One night, he brandished a knife and threatened suicide. I locked myself in a room and called 911. He was arrested and received a misdemeanor charge. His parents intervened, sending him to rehab, followed by two months in a sober living environment (SLE). Despite being close to leaving him, he convinced me to stay, promising to change. I stayed, motivated by love, cultural conditioning against divorce, and my desire to have a child.
Since rehab, he hasn’t drunk alcohol. However, a year after the incident, he developed paranoid delusions, believing our neighbors and strangers were stalking him. These episodes of psychosis would come and go. I initially tried to reason with him, but I later realized that logic doesn’t work with psychosis. Unfortunately, his psychiatrist was also ineffective, using rational arguments rather than understanding his condition. We managed through these episodes, but it was exhausting.
Now, I am emotionally drained. He accuses me of lacking understanding and empathy, which may be true. I've spent most of my adult life with him, and the situation has conditioned me to rely solely on myself financially and mentally. After our child was born, I took on the majority of childcare, as he claimed his mental state prevented him from helping with night feedings. Outwardly, I appear competent and witty, but inside, I feel broken and alone.
I am scared. I fear for my child’s future with a psychotic father and feel sad about my own lack of happiness. I have no one to confide in; my close connections are either gone or unable to handle this drama. I could leave and take my son, likely gaining primary custody, but I struggle with guilt over leaving my partner without financial support. If I leave, he would have to move back in with his parents, as we live in a high-cost-of-living area. He insists that moving back would be the end of his life. I also worry about alimony, as I am the primary breadwinner and we’ve been together for a long time.
I don’t understand how I, an educated and smart professional, can be emotionally manipulated. I had chances to leave but was afraid of being alone. Now, with a child, I am still afraid. Why do I feel responsible for his well-being when he refuses to take care of himself? He makes excuses to avoid help and manipulates me into feeling responsible for him. I know I have made a lot of mistakes in this relationship, letting things slip. I am finally tired. How can I break free from this cycle even if it's painful to do so?

But even typing this, it doesn’t feel real. I still have hope tonight that he can change. I feel so stupid.
I am 38F and he is 39M.
I am devastated. I would do anything and everything to be married forever, but it’s no longer an option and hasn’t been since the fourth month of our marriage. I was 8 weeks pregnant with his child and he assaulted me with a metal cup in the car while he was driving on the freeway because I wouldn’t stop saying why he was upsetting me. The fight continued when we got home and he had called the police, lied to them and had me arrested. Eight weeks pregnant. With bruises up and down my body. I got arrested. I spent the night in jail and had to listen to my baby’s heartbeat for the first time from a county jail exam table.
Somehow, through that, we stayed married. Abuse makes you do wild things. It changes your brain. Abusers purposely make you confused. Through counseling, I am coming out of the confusion now, though.
I could go on and on about the abuse I have suffered. I am here today because typing this makes it real that I am leaving. And I am here today because I need support in understanding that he is not going to change.
This morning things escalated by 8am. This is typical weekend behavior. I discovered that he has been smoking cigarettes in one of the vehicles that is in my name and that I pay for, and that I have asked him not to smoke in repeatedly. I do not smoke. I think it’s gross. And it has ruined the interior of this vehicle that is expensive. Not only that, but our child has asthma. Most likely because he IS a smoker. Anyway, I grabbed something out of the vehicle for his 6yo and I came back in and simply said “please don’t smoke in the truck anymore. Please don’t tell me that you haven’t been either.” This sent him into a spiral. He called me names and said that I am controlling. He started following me around the house screaming behind my head. He is nearly a foot taller than me and this is physically intimidating to me. So much so that my hands start to shake, my heart races and my thoughts become blurry when he does this. I knew at this point it was best for me to get our child and leave. So I was doing that. But this morning he would not let me leave the bedroom and was blocking me from leaving with our child with his body in the doorway. I told him I was going to call non-emergency if he didn’t move. And he would not. So I was trying to figure out how to call but my hands were shaking so bad and my brain was so jumbled I gave up and called my sister on speaker. I asked her to call the police. As soon as he saw her name on my phone he moved and let me leave. He yelled at me and our child out the door and to the neighborhood “see - I’m so scary - I’m letting you leave”. I got our child in the backseat and drove down the street to park and get them dressed. They were only in a pull up. I saw the officer coming down the road and flagged him down. I told him what happened and he went and talked with him. I left with our child and went to my sisters. Eventually we came home and he has been upstairs ever since. This is also typical. He will have an outburst. And then go upstairs and not speak to me for a week. And then one morning he’ll just wake up and decide that it’s time to be normal again. And generally comes to me and says “have you calmed down”. Which, as you can imagine, perpetuates the situation further. And drags it on. He does not understand accountability.
We have been married 3.5 years, together for 5 total. We have one child together (2yo) and he has two other children (6yo and 14yo).
We moved in together after 9 months of dating. That is when the abuse started. The first time he was physically abusive, he broke through our bedroom door. Broke. The entire door - down. Somehow, I decided to continue.
From the start, I’ve known it was never going to last. He is unstable. He has a long and dark history of mental illness (both himself and his immediate maternal and paternal family). In addition to struggling with substance abuse his entire life. His childhood is tragic and full of heartache. It shaped the man he is today, and not for the better.
He is in the trades industry and has a GED. I am a director level professional and have a college degree. His father was in prison for the last half of his childhood and eventually took his life when he was released. My father is a retired architect, Vietnam vet. We grew up completely different. Both of our parents divorced. He then suffered verbal and emotional abuse from his step father. I suffered verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from my mother.
I believe my mother is a narcissist and undiagnosed. And I believe my husband has narcissistic tendencies and/or is one. But I am not a medical professional. I am going on what I’ve experienced with both of them.
When we first met, he was 34 and I was 33. He was unemployed and really not doing well. Drinking in access. A lot. Everyday. But I did not know. I was doing very well. I had spent my 20s creating a fulfilling and financially successful career. He spent his 20s job hopping and, quite honestly, messing around. But we had fun together. But having fun together is not real life.
Here is where the manipulation began. He was upfront about his upbringing and past. And was genuinely making steps towards a better life. He is a born again Christian. And as an educated person, I believe he has grabbed on to what is actually important in the Bible. However, he is unable to abide by what a husband biblically should be. He does not love, protect or provide for me or our child. We joined a church, I became involved and made friends, and we went there as a family for multiple years. Until one night he showed up drunk, and I never went back.
I am the breadwinner. I pay for ev. ry. thing. He keeps his entire paycheck and will not give me money to pay bills. He will also not physically pay the bills. I manage and pay all bills. But not because I don’t want him to. I have begged, cried, and tried a million different systems (both digital and analog) to make him involved. And he flat out refuses. He abused our shared checking by taking money out to “pay bills” from his personal checking account and then did not pay those bills and spent the money. So I would then have to pay multiple months and late fees to catch up. Many. Many. Times.
In addition to not contributing financially, he does not contribute to the household upkeep or yard maintenance. Literally nothing. If I want the yard kept, I do it, or I pay someone to do it. If something on a vehicle goes out, I make the appointment and consult with the technician. But again, not because I want to, but because he will not participate. Or if he does, it’s half assed and more work for me. He does not grocery shop or cook. He has never cooked one meal for me. I think he’s maybe gotten a bowl of ice cream for me a couple times? He does not clean. He has cleaned the bathroom in our home two times. We have lived here 4 years. We live in separate bedrooms because he won’t pickup after himself. His room is squalor. Clothes on every square inch. Fast food wrappers. No sheet on mattress. I have cleaned it for him many times in hopes that we could make a drastic change and start sleepin next to each other again. But he refuses. I know this sounds insane that I have stayed married. It sounds insane to me.
He verbally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually and financially abuses me. Maybe not all at once, everyday. But one of them most likely daily now. Or a couple. It’s been a very long time since there has been a long stretch of stability or peace.
However, I am changing all of that this year. I have hired an attorney and am climbing through the paperwork right now.
On Christmas morning last year, before we hosted family that day, he threw a (heavy) laundry basket full of dirty clothes at me as I was going down the stairs because I asked him for help with something. And after the first one hit me, I sat down and covered my head so I wouldn’t fall, and he threw another one at me. I don’t know how I masked my raw emotions through the rest of the day with family over. I ate not one bite. I pushed my food around my plate and tried to make my face contort into normal emotions for the day.
But I stayed. Again.
Mother’s Day morning this year. Just one week ago - I spent it locked in my bedroom with our child paying the divorce attorney retainer fee on the laptop as he screamed at me what a piece of shit mother and wife I am. I honestly don’t even know what I did or remember why it escalated. Most likely because it was a holiday - and not about him.
I am exhausted. I have lost close to 30lbs since January. People are beginning to notice.
I wanted a family more than anything. I adore my child. I spend my days and nights dreaming up ways to enrich their life. I wanted family vacations and world travel. I wanted to host, big, extended family holiday gatherings. I wanted my little baby to know what it felt like to have a mom and dad at home together every night. But not at this cost. The very worst part of my parenting is staying married. I am a bad parent every day that I stay here.
I wish I could file the petition and fast forward a year. I know I’ll be okay. It’s ripping off the bandaid that hurts.