I take toprol and neurontin at the same time

Two Redditors colliding. It's a small world.

2014.12.02 00:19 Poemi Two Redditors colliding. It's a small world.

2redditors1cup! a place where folks across the internet cross ways in an unexpected way! sometimes the world can be incredibly small.
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2014.11.20 17:32 heckicopter Not Like Other Girls

A sub to poke fun at girls who are not like other girls
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2018.01.01 16:57 IJustWantComment Taking down the ship to kill the captain.

Taking down the ship to kill the captain. Pretty much when you insult yourself in order to insult someone else.
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2024.05.19 13:42 moveintheshadows AITA for getting mad at her for not apologising and comparing her to my ex?

Hi, I (20F) have been in a polyamorous relationship with a guy (21M) for 1 year. Polyamory is pretty nuanced but our agreement is that while we are in a committed relationship, we can still explore our sexualities since we are both bisexual. I can see girls, he can see guys.
This is quite unusual, I know and a lot of people judge the quality of my relationship immediately when I say I’m polyamorous but it works for us and we’ve been really happy and hope to get married after we graduate.
In the beginning of our relationship, I was seeing a girl, we’ll call her Kelly who identifies as a lesbian. I absolutely adored her and she got on really well with my boyfriend. The three of us would watch movies together and fall asleep in the same bed without feeling uncomfortable. There was one problem, she would occasionally ghost me for 2-4 weeks due to health reasons. She is chronically ill and struggles with mental health. I have also struggled with mental illness and had to leave university for one year because of how bad it got. Nevertheless, I am on treatment now and mostly better. Because I can relate to having mental health issues, I tried to be as supportive as possible but her ghosting me for weeks at a time hurt very much especially because she would not communicate that she intended on having alone time. I would understand if it had been a few days. When she returned each time, she would not apologise until one day I started sobbing because she made me feel really confused and unwanted. She only ever apologised after I revealed that her actions hurt me but if I didn’t, she thought this behaviour was completely normal. It wasn’t the ghosting that hurt the most, it was the lack of communication about when she needed space and, the inability to recognise that her actions hurt me on her own, without any kind of prompt from me.
I eventually ended things with her which was extremely painful and hard to do because I truly loved her and my boyfriend and I enjoyed her company even if it was just sitting and chatting for hours.
Fast forward: I start seeing a new girl, we’ll call her Mary. Mary is a wonderful girl, but I was still hurting a lot from my experience with Kelly and I made her aware from the start that I am still processing a lot of the pain from my experience with my ex and that I’m working on it but that unhealed part of me might cause distrust.
Months go by, Mary and I become a lot closer. Exams start approaching and we’re seeing each other a lot less. It’s difficult to see each other because she doesn’t feel comfortable around my boyfriend and wouldn’t want to come over while he was there so he would have to leave every time we made plans and I hated doing that to him.
I need to give some context before we dive deeper. Over these few months, I spent time with her friends almost everyday at least for an hour and made an effort to get to know each and every single one of them and be on good terms with them. One of her friends called me pretentious to my face solely because I used the word, “idiosyncratic” in a conversation. This caught me off guard and when it happened, all her friends laughed at me including Mary which really hurt me because I would never let that slide if one of my friends said something like that to her let alone laugh. Some of her friends made me uncomfortable and were kind of mean to me? But I sat with them frequently anyway because I cared about her and wanting to make that sacrifice to spend time with her. In contrast, I have few close friends but the person closest to me is my boyfriend, naturally. Mary made no effort to get to know him or even be nice to him and this hurt me because my boyfriend is genuinely a soft and sweet person and I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t attempt to get to know him seeing as I made so much of an effort with her friends.
I would initiate all our dates, pay for her and essentially give her princess treatment, listen to her and give her advice when she was depressed late at night even if I had a test the next day. I went to my 10am lecture venue 20 minutes early everyday just so I could pass her and chat to her for a bit. I wasn’t perfect but I did give her a lot of my effort and time.
A few times, I vented to her about Kelly and I apologised, saying I hate being that person to talk about their ex. She reassured me that it was okay and she was there for me which brought me so much comfort.
Things go steadily until we got closer to exams and we could barely see each other because her friends are kind of rowdy and rambunctious and it was too hard to study around them so close to exams. In addition, she never wanted to come over unless the boyfriend wasn’t there. We made plans multiple times but something came up each time. I started to miss her a lot and asked my boyfriend if I could have the apartment some time during the week to see her and he was more than happy to stay at res that night. I got her roses, unwrapped and cut them, got rid of all the thorns, spray painted one black because she likes black, rewrapped them, got her chocolates and spent 4 hours cleaning my house.
She texts me asking to move the time we were supposed to meet up from 6pm to 9pm and this initially upsets me because I get anxiety when plans are changed last minute but I said it was fine.
9pm comes, no text. 9:20, nothing. I begin to freak out. She eventually texts me saying she lost her phone in an Uber and is texting from her pc and can’t make it. The exact message was, “I lost my phone in an Uber, i can’t make it.”
I immediately started searching online for ways to track her phone. Tried helping her login to Uber on her laptop and place an enquiry for a lost item, then helped her track the phone using her google account and she found where it was. I googled a bunch of things about the safety of the area to make sure where she was going was safe and told her to take a friend. She gets her phone back and all is well. Then goes to sleep.
Now I don’t know if I’m being dramatic but what stood out to me was the lack of, “I’m sorry that I couldn’t make it, I know you really wanted to see me and probably made your boyfriend leave and put a lot of effort into this. It was a mistake but I am sorry for how it affected your day and feelings.”
This is what I would have said asap if it was me. Yes, she lost her phone by accident but that doesn’t mean that it had no consequences for anyone else. I’ve lost things by accident before and still recognised that I should have been more aware/ responsible and apologise. I am always the first to apologise in situations and sometimes profusely even if it’s not a big deal because I feel really bad when I inconvenience/ upset people.
I messaged her saying it really bothered me that she did not apologise and disregarded how that affected my day, plans and feelings. She messaged back saying she meant to apologise but she was tired and forgot and a bunch of excuses. This didn’t make it better for me. A simple, “You’re right, I did mean to say sorry but it slipped my mind and I should have said that immediately. I appreciate all the effort you made and I’m gonna make it up to you.”
I started to get more upset the more she made excuses and told her that it was resurfacing trauma from my ex because Kelly would only apologise after I said I was hurt and have a million reasons to justify it. I told her I was feeling triggered and I felt like I was reliving bad memories. She sent me a long paragraph saying it’s not okay for me to compare her all the time (I’ve never compared her to Kelly other than this time) and said me talking about how Kelly hurt me put pressure on her to not do the same things. I said I was so sorry for comparing her and I didn’t mean to make her feel bad, I was just expressing that I was feeling triggered and wanted her to stop explaining herself because it was making bad memories resurface. Regardless, I was wrong and I promised that it would never ever happen again and while I was not aware that talking about Kelly pressured her, I am now and want to discuss it more in person BUT I felt like this was the wrong time for her to bring up everything I had done wrong and could do better when she had literally just done something that hurt me and we were discussing that and the conversation just shifted. I said I felt that she was deflecting and that while her points are valid, I wish she had asked to speak in person, apologised and then said she wants to address another issue with me and bring all of those concerns up. I feel like if something has been bothering someone for months in a friendship OR relationship, they shouldn’t choose to finally bring it up in the middle of being called out.
She got defensive then I got defensive, I said I was sorry and never wanted to make her feel that way again and will give her space and she should message me when she is ready to talk. I asked if she still wanted the flowers, she said yes and I brought them to her on Friday.
No text from her after that, nothing. I text on Sunday asking her what’s wrong and she says and I quote, “I've thought about it and I don't think we should keep hanging out or whatever. The way you reacted to me and made me feel really horrible about myself on Wednesday just made me think that that's not how I want to go about situations like those in the future and that I don't think we're suited for each other.”
This gutted me not only because she referred to our relation as “hanging out or whatever” but because I thought we had resolved our problems and were going to work through them together. It also hurt me because she broke up with me via text knowing she would see me the next day on campus after her lecture. It also hurt because she had only said she doesn’t want to see me anymore when I messaged to ask what was going on knowing I had told her I am giving her space and she should message me when she is ready to talk. But this wasn’t talking, it was a definitive decision and instead of telling me, she left me hanging for days, freaking out while waiting for an update. Lack of communication, once again.
I also felt like while I had made a mistake, I gave her a genuine apology, promised not to do it again and wanted to discuss it more. How did I become the villain of the story all of a sudden?
I felt like I had been so good to her and this issue, while valid, wasn’t big enough to break up over and speak to me like I meant nothing. An in-person conversation with something approximating, “You were good to me and I appreciate the effort you made and enjoyed our time together but the way you handled our last argument made me realise that we are not suited for each other. I wish the best for you.” would have been so much kinder and I reread her text over and over again asking myself what I did to deserve a breakup like that.
AITA for comparing her to my ex and saying that she should have brought up the issues she had with me and what I had been doing wrong separately after a genuine in-person apology.
submitted by moveintheshadows to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:42 HopeandCopetillwedie I think I'm in love with my classmate and I'm worried I could ruin my relationship with her

I recently entered college and I have know her for 4 months now I believe...I don't know exactly when it started but when I think of a love figure she just pops in my head, and whenever I think about her I just want to be able to let her know I appreciate her, in many ways as a person, as a competent college...
There's also the fact that we share a big hobbie on Gacha games and she the first person I can have a genuine talk about them with, definitely was a huge help in making our friendship happen.
We also have a weirdly touchy dinamic/relationship, I think she already noticed I don't act like that with other people, which is partially because most people don't like and partially because, you know.
But I've also had a lot of worries about if I am enough you know like... I believe she just deserves better than me, someone more considerate or competent.
I also have this thing that whenever I go through some sad episode of my life I just lose all my confidence in myself, and to clarify I don't feel like that at the moment, in fact I feel that I could do just about anything, but my worry is "will I be able to properly support her in those times, will I behave like the person I want to become or just be a emotionally impulsive child" and at the same time that I can't imagine myself doing anything like that on purpose I still worry.
This may also be related to my self confidence problems but in a previous relationship I kept having intrusive thoughts about cheating, I didn't actually do anything or even had a specific person/concrete idea in mind and it made me feel disgusting,this also may tie with the fact that at the time I was very much sad and worrying if could be a proper boyfriend for that person, specially considering X's mental health problems, also worthwhile to say I gave up on that relationship and I also don't think I have the right to take conclusions on why it ended, maybe it was because of her toxic way of dealing with her own problems, maybe how sad seeing her made me or even that I was just a coward, I'm still making my conclusions on that whole event...and as much as I am embarrassed to make this whole confession I believe it important
And what if those things ruin our current relationship, I don't know what I would do, probably cry my eyes out but then I'd basically be alone.
Anyway my love life experience is close to 0 so I wanted to ask for advice here, but that doesn't mean I don't have my own conclusions, since I worry about what might happen so much the first thing though was to wait and see if I still feel like this after some time, but other than that no real plans just trying to treat her better, I make too many mean jokes about her height, she doesn't like it but I find it enjoyable to watch her
Pleeeeese help me
submitted by HopeandCopetillwedie to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:41 BBHMM_Precum Does this sound weird to you guys?

Now I will admit, I may have had a part to play in this. But the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s not just me being weird.
So, I made a Reddit post about seeing someone I knew/dated once doing OF. And the post wasn’t really about him (nor did I say his name or identify him in any way). I left it as vague as possible. It could’ve applied to anyone. It was really about me not being in a relationship and why me and him didn’t work out but he’s now doing OF while in a relationship. And I talked about how I wanted to be in a relationship, etc. I will admit: before that, I left a comment on his Reddit account that popped up in one of the porn subs of him doing OF. And it was literally saying “Oh I know that guy”. I didn’t reach out to him directly. I didn’t contact him. I just left that comment, and then I made the post. And my Reddit account doesn’t have my name either. Or any face pic. Nothing to really identify me by. This is crucial.
I made the post, and then I went on about my damn day. And kinda forgot about him too. Like, I vented, and then went about my life.
Well, the guy actually DM’d me last night while I was asleep. Like my actual instagram. And he was talking trash. Turns out he read the comment on Reddit, went onto my Reddit profile to read the post I made (did not think he’d see it). Then went and DM’d me on instagram talking about it. And he was like “I was just skipping your stories bro did not know you’d take it this deep. My bad bro”. And we haven’t spoke in months either. I left him on read the last time we spoke. So it’s not like I had been trying to get back with him or anything.
Like, first off dude, we haven’t spoken in months. You don’t even look at my stories anymore, to which he admitted. Nor did I actually reach out to him. Nor have I looked at your stories. He hasn’t posted anything in months, meanwhile I’ve been pretty active on the gram living my own life. I just made the damn post and went on about my day. I didn’t know dude would get mad about something that really could’ve pertained to anybody. Especially if I didn’t say his name or anything.
So I act clueless about what he’s messaging me about. Because I’m not out and it just seems weird. Plus I didn’t say anything defamatory in the Reddit post. So for him to just message someone who really didn’t identify anyone or trash talk anyone involved seemed odd. Especially since we haven’t spoken in months. And he’s talking about “You can’t even take accountability it must be in your genes”. So we just blocked each other. Lol.
Should I have left that comment? No. But for him to go out his way to message me seemed odd. And then to be mad about it too. Like, didn’t think he’d feel some typa way about it. Maybe it’s because I’ve moved on (we don’t even live on the same coast anymore) and I’m vibing in my life. Got things going for myself. Plus I’ve got more followers on IG. And if he’s trying to get his OF started, a following would help.
IDK. It just sounds odd to me. I feel like I dodged a bullet in a sense.
submitted by BBHMM_Precum to askgaybros [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:39 ThrowRA_hqpoy How to handle living in partners (35M) home town that I (30F)dislike and far away from mine?

Me and my partner have been together for a little over a year now. We met in his home town where he has lived a majority of his life and where I had been living for 7 years before meeting him (for studies and work). He has all of his family here and we both have jobs nearby. During the time we have been together we have been staying here, and it’s been convenient for both of us because it’s close to our jobs. We have been talking a lot about where we would like to live in the future and he always said he never wants to move to my home town because he doesn’t like it there (although he’s only been there one time).
I am struggling a lot with being away from family and friends, it’s really hard for me to meet new friends and all my close friends still live in my home town. When I am there I always meet my people regularly meanwhile when I am home I barely meet anyone else other than him because I don’t know anyone else other than him. It makes me feel very lonely and disconnected and honestly depressed and not like me at all.
We have argued about this so many times and I don’t really know how to handle this. He says it’s unfair of me to ask him to move since we met in his home town and it’s not like he was pushing me to move here. He makes it fully clear that he doesn’t want to move. I don’t think I can live with the thought of never getting to live in my home town again. Last time I was there it really struck me how that place is my safe haven and got me so sad and it felt like I was losing some part of me. At the same time I don’t want to take something away from him and I do really love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Just not where we live today. When I think about it I understand that we are incompatible because of it but I don’t want to break up.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you handle this? Or any advice at all. I don’t want to lose him but it’s constantly nagging in my head everyday and it has a negative impact on my life. I am worried and the thought of being away consumes me everyday.
TL;DR: my partner and I have been together for over a year. He is the love of my life. We live in his home town but I miss mine and family and friends. It drives me crazy being far apart and he doesn’t ever want to move there.
submitted by ThrowRA_hqpoy to relationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:36 Spiritual-Durian6344 My fiancée ring got lost, but that’s not all

To begin with I admit, I lost the ring and here is how we got here.
Our problems began in 2021 the day I searched “My girl never apologizes or admits that she is wrong”. I read articles upon articles that led me to information that described exactly what I was going through and that my experiences might be considered as abuse. I thought abuse was limited to physical abuse and that as a man I cannot be a victim of such.
My confrontations to her behaviors started to put a strain on our relationship, I could see right through that it was not always my fault, it was always not always for me to apologize regardless who is at fault.
Nevertheless, fast-forward to March 2022 we had an argument because of something she did to which I responded “If you do this then you are not my Fiancee because this is not how you treat your Fiance” and she immediately took off the ring and said “I am not your fiance”. I took the ring downstairs and put it away because we were leaving together at the time. I went back to my house for the night, we talked through things and continued with the relationship.
Early april 2022, I had enough of the drama and I left her house and went back to my house living with my sisters. During that time, the matter was taken to our church leader and there we spoke of our issues, each their own. At the end of it all, she mentioned she did have the ring anymore and I said I will give it back to her and she said will not put on the ring unless I put it on her. I replied that I will not do that, if you removed it by yourself it's only right that you put it back and she did ask for it after considering her needs were not met.
June/July I found out she was cheating on me with a guy from her gym for 2 months even though we liked each other’s posts dated back to March 2022. When confronted she denied having physical contact and only sexting and meeting for 10 minutes outside. In addition, she blamed me for it saying I was not giving attention and she had to find that with someone. She even asked about marriage a week after the whole thing. Nevertheless, This went back and forth for months all the way to December 2022, we were trying to work things out but it was ugly and we could see each for like once a week.
Throughout 2023 it was the same arguments, we managed to start going dates here there and I had to document all this because there was always a time she will tell me I do dont do enough to make the relationship better. I am not discussing marriage, even though I made it clear that it's not on my mind considering everything that has happened. At this time, I moved in with a friend (male) because my sister had a baby and needed the space.
These arguments dialed down after I stopped sharing how I felt, because this is what would cause arguments sometimes not always. I just bottle it up and continue so everyone is happy.
February 2024, she brings up the marriage subject again and at this time I said I will consider it and we can have discussions. After this she asked for the ring and I said I would go back to my sisters house to look for it, to be honest I did not go for sometime. I went looking for the ring and during this period my sisters were moved into an airbnb by the landlord for 3 months due to damp issues and repairs were going and things were moved around. I did not find the ring.
Meantime, She suggested that She will get any cheaper to wear it, but that ring started wearing out We should get a replacement and I said okay that’s fine. We can do that, but at this point I didn’t think I Would be funding that ring.
She sent a links to buy rings online and I said I won’t buy the ring because this whole about the ring really hurts me considering everything, why don’t we just move with our without the ring
And she said “ The point is I was there. You knew one day I will put back the ring when we work things out. Why did you not take care of it? ”
And “ How can you lose something that is of high value anyways? ”
And “ But you knew there will come a better day, we BOTH HAD HOPE, that’s why we both STUCKED AROUND. You lost the ring and failed to keep it safe. Find it or buy a new one. End of conversation.”
I tried to explain that at some point I no longer thought of the ring anymore it had been 2+ years since she gave back the ring and cannot be found but she thinks I’m blaming of which I said and I’m just saying the sequence of events.
I’ve been honest and transparent that this thing about the ring brings bad memories for me and it hurts, let’s go ahead with the marriage but let’s leave this to the side.
This is what she says “ Sorry for insulting you or saying things that have hurt you. I believe you will seek advice and maybe a decision based on that and I will hear from you then but like a said, I will wait by Wednesday because you like to take your time and I dont want to anymore. If you can have an answer tonight or tomorrow thats great.
I understand you have some pain involved with the ring so I will have to leave you to it and let you make a decision
I just cant imagine being without any sort of ring on my finger until August (we dont even know when that will be we have zero knowledge about things)
Alternatively, go and search for it properly again. Or ask ”…” where it could be. There is so many options.”
TL;DR! - I’ve been given a deadline to replace the ring or it’s over in 48 hours.
submitted by Spiritual-Durian6344 to relationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:34 austinthemaster03 You should put your spouse before your children unless you want to end up divorced

As the title says I think you should put your spouse first before your children. In this specific case I'm talking about a traditional couple who get married and have kids together. It gets a bit more complicated if one person already has kids and then gets into a relationship.
I believe (and also based off of what I've seen from friends and people I know) that most people either end up getting divorced/seperating or their marriage or relationship takes a severe blow once kids are introduced. I understand that you won't have as much time as youre used to having. But you can still try. It should be your number one priority to make sure that your significant other is satisfied in every way you could possibly satisfy them in whether it be romantically, sexually, or whatever.
You NEED to put your spouse first if you want to stay together and maintain a healthy marriage.
I have seen so many people who have a perfect healthy relationship, have kids, focus more on the kids than their relationship, start drifting, romance stops, intimacy and sex stops and then they become like roomates. If you want to raise a kid with your roommate then by all means go for it. But what's the point in even getting married or being in a relationship in the first place if you're just going to drop everything once you have kids. If you put your children first you would be better off having a one night stand, getting pregnant and raising your child that way. Because eventually your partner is going to leave anyway if you keep rejecting them and putting them second. So it ends up being the same way.
The divorce rates are over 50%, why? Because of people not putting their spouse first. You can have kids any time you want to as long as you're fertile. You can't always find the right man/woman for you though. So you need to cherish your partner and hold on to them.
In this whole post I'm mainly directing it towards women because based off of what I've seen, women are more likely to neglect their partner when kids are involved. It goes both ways but I see it more from the woman's side. For example my work colleague (let's call him John) has been in a relationship with his partner for 6 years. They have a 2.5 year old together, their relationship was completely fine up until their son was born. She completely stopped sleeping with him, or wanting to do anything intimate with him whatsoever, even if she doesn't feel like it she can at least suck his dick to make him feel satisfied but she won't even do that. She won't do anything for him and they argue daily from what he's told me. He told me he's lucky to get sex from her once every 3 months and she's now pestering him about wanting another kid, which will be the only time she will sleep with him will be to conceive now it seems.
You can say this is all based on assumptions but figures don't lie. Look at all the single parents out there and the divorce rates.
You need to put 100 percent into a relationship. If you don't, and put it on the backburner it will fail, or you will start to resent each other without even knowing it
submitted by austinthemaster03 to Parenting [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:33 CodeTailor I 30M met a 30F on dating app. Red flags and pregnancy scare... or am I being paranoid?

I met a girl on dating app in the city.
When I ask her out on first date on dating app, she said "no lets wait until we are ready" because she somehow sense I'm not excited enough to ask her out. I explain that I am and we make plans. She asks for my full name and for me to send her more photos.
I thought first date went well and was fun, aside from a couple of odd points like she says she is a risk taker and insists on asking me about past relationship. She also seemed interested in my job and about finances, maybe she has impression that I am rich.
She is only in the country for work, she is from asia. I think she wants to stay. Her profile says she wants kids.
When we are texting after first date, I say and enjoy it and she says she didn't think I was interested because I didn't split bill, I didn't smile a lot. I explained that's just how I am actually really enjoyed seeing her. She seemed to be ok after I explain it. We plan the second date.
The night before second date, in text I said see you tomorrow, she said can we do 2pm, I said "as you wish". She accused me of not having genuine desire for the date. She says she has limited free time and only want to see people who really care about her. Then she text let's not meet up. I actually was really excited to see her at this point and I was shocked, so I call her and try to explain myself, she said she appreciates my effort with communication and we go on the second date. I feel it's little manipulative to say let's not meet up and then want to meet up with me after talking
I think it's odd she expects me to desire her so much.
On the second date. We get food and I thought it was going well again. Conversation was more light and fun. However, she tells me at some point that she expects a lot from guy in relationship because she is arrogant and was spoiled by her previous boyfriends. OK, little red flag.
We go back to my place. Were sitting and talking, she begins asking vague qualifying questions to me like:
Can you change for me? I want someone who will put me above their career, move locations for me, etc
I want to share everything, some people want partnership, I don't want that. Some people sign papers before marriage, I don't want that. (she was talking about prenup)
She seemed to be asking like how much I would be willing to do for her in a very vague way. She asked other questions along these same lines for like 20 minutes. It was weirdly demanding for a second date situation, and when she was done she asked if she should leave. I guess almost expecting me to say yes? but I said no.
Then we had sex. After sex, I go to the bathroom. I fill the condom with water from the sink to check for leak. Then I drop it in the toilet. I forget to flush it, then I exit and she goes into the bathroom. She takes a while in there. I was worried because I forgot to flush it.
After that, we cuddle for 15 minutes. I drop some jokes and she after each one she hits or slaps me. Like with some actual force, but she doesn't realize it hurts me and is not gentle. Hit me in the neck while we were cuddling. I tell her it bothers me and she shouldn't do that. She does it again like 5 minutes later, says it will take time for her to change that. I thought that's another bit of a red flag. Then she says she should be going because she has to do some work.
She wants to take a photo together before she leaves, i agree.
I am really confused by the whole thing. I don't feel like I can trust her. Seems like she is asking permission to ruin my life with her questioning. I worried she used condom in toilet to try to get pregnant. Super worried.
submitted by CodeTailor to AskMenRelationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:32 austinthemaster03 You should put your spouse before your kids unless you want to end up divorced

As the title says I think you should put your spouse first before your children. In this specific case I'm talking about a traditional couple who get married and have kids together. It gets a bit more complicated if one person already has kids and then gets into a relationship.
I believe (and also based off of what I've seen from friends and people I know) that most people either end up getting divorced/seperating or their marriage or relationship takes a severe blow once kids are introduced. I understand that you won't have as much time as youre used to having. But you can still try. It should be your number one priority to make sure that your significant other is satisfied in every way you could possibly satisfy them in whether it be romantically, sexually, or whatever.
You NEED to put your spouse first if you want to stay together and maintain a healthy marriage.
I have seen so many people who have a perfect healthy relationship, have kids, focus more on the kids than their relationship, start drifting, romance stops, intimacy and sex stops and then they become like roomates. If you want to raise a kid with your roommate then by all means go for it. But what's the point in even getting married or being in a relationship in the first place if you're just going to drop everything once you have kids. If you put your children first you would be better off having a one night stand, getting pregnant and raising your child that way. Because eventually your partner is going to leave anyway if you keep rejecting them and putting them second. So it ends up being the same way.
The divorce rates are over 50%, why? Because of people not putting their spouse first. You can have kids any time you want to as long as you're fertile. You can't always find the right man/woman for you though. So you need to cherish your partner and hold on to them.
In this whole post I'm mainly directing it towards women because based off of what I've seen, women are more likely to neglect their partner when kids are involved. It goes both ways but I see it more from the woman's side. For example my work colleague (let's call him John) has been in a relationship with his partner for 6 years. They have a 2.5 year old together, their relationship was completely fine up until their son was born. She completely stopped sleeping with him, or wanting to do anything intimate with him whatsoever, even if she doesn't feel like it she can at least suck his dick to make him feel satisfied but she won't even do that. She won't do anything for him and they argue daily from what he's told me. He told me he's lucky to get sex from her once every 3 months and she's now pestering him about wanting another kid, which will be the only time she will sleep with him will be to conceive now it seems.
You can say this is all based on assumptions but figures don't lie. Look at all the single parents out there and the divorce rates.
You need to put 100 percent into a relationship. If you don't, and put it on the backburner it will fail, or you will start to resent each other without even knowing it
submitted by austinthemaster03 to Marriage [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:31 Blackbirds22 Reddit, Facebook and other mum groups made me hate my inlaws

English is not my first language
I've always loved reading stories about inlaws on reddit and other platforms, especially things like justnomil etc. I was with my ex for 9 years and his mum definitely showed some traits as she was very manipulative. Then we broke up and I met my now husband.
I liked my MIL a lot initially, then I got pregnant. I was reading and reading in subreddits and groups about MIL's misbehaving to their DIL, especially when they fell pregnant, being possessive over their grandchildren, not listening and stomping boundaries etc, you've probably all seen it before.
My MIL casually said things I can't wait to meet my baby, and I GRASPED at that to start hating on her in my mind. It was the first 'questionable' thing she's said (now I've snapped out if it it was just dumb of me, it's just something she said) and I ran with it. It's almost as if I was looking for her do to something wrong. The worst part about it, we live almost on opposite sides of the damn planet, I'd never have to worry about her being here or whatever anyways. I told her I didn't like her saying and that and the poor woman actually really tried to make an effort in not saying it but it was clearly just a preferred way of talking for her. She'd start sentences saying "How is my...... eh GRANDbaby" and she'd look so uncomfortable, afraid of my reaction. More things after this happened that I jumped on. I failed to recognise she's a human too and people are allowed to make mistakes. Never did she fight me on something if I asked her to do things different, she always listens to me when it comes to my son, but still. She couldn't say or do things right. If my own mum did the same it wouldn't even cross my mind to bother me let alone be annoyed by it. Of course my husband started getting sad about this and tried to talk to me a few times about this.
Now I'm 17 months PP, I'm still breastfeeding but I think I can say I'm getting out of the weird brain fog that is pregnancy and postpartum hormones and I can think clearly again. I've spoken to my MIL about this and I've apologised for being hostile towards her, especially when she flew all the way over here to be here for the birth of her grandson, both her and my mum were here to take care of us and I was just nasty to her towards the end of those days. It was uncalled for.
Now that I am a mum of a boy I also realise I will be the MIL one day, and I hope my future DIL (or SIL) will give me more grace than I gave my MIL.
Looking back she's been amazing and helpful in anyway she could, even tho we live so far apart. I'm very happy that we will be closing that gap soon since we're moving close to them soon. Thank god that woman is forgiving in the way she is, she understood because she had been there herself but damn I feel awful about all this.
I'm not saying there are no bad MIL cause damn sure there are, but please be aware that your hormones during these times can leave you a bit unreasonable.
Tl/dr I was a bitch to my MIL who did NOT deserve that.
submitted by Blackbirds22 to beyondthebump [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:31 gnvffbbd AITAH For Having Casino Confirm Previous Baccarat Game?

Context, I play Baccarat a few times a week, It’s mindless, like picking heads or tails on a coin flip, and it helps me unwind as my work as an engineer requires long hours of thinking. I don’t play too big, but recently I paid off tens of thousands of dollars in lawyer fees and debts and the last few weeks of baccarat I have not had a single winning session. I usually buy in $400-$600 and play $25 or $50 tables.
I sat down at a table and a player had about 15 black chips and did not look happy. I started off the same as all my recent sessions and was on a losing streak or win 1 and lose 2. This other player was losing too.
I was down about half of my buy in after losing at least 5 in a row, when this other player does puts $125 on a dragon bonus bet which is a bonus side bet on some baccarat tables that pays 40 to 1. The winning condition is Banker wins with 3 cards that together equal 7. I had a $25 bet on Player.
The cards come out, and the Banker side gets the three card 7. Jumps up in excitement as they pay them $5,000 and take my $25. I was happy for them and feeling defeated at the same time. They mentioned to me they are down $20,000 this day and this is a good start to come back.
However… the digital display board lights up and says Player Wins, 200 to 1 bonus!!! I made a joke to the dealer that they owe them another $20,000…but then I realized a 200 to 1 bonus would mean Player had three cards that equal 9 as Banker has three cards equaling 7.
a took a look at the small screen display and sure enough it showed an 8, 2, 9. Everyone was saying they could have sworn it was 10, 2, 9 which would be a total of 1 in Baccarat. I made a point that they should confirm it. And sure enough they checked cameras and I actually won my $25 bet and made then return the $5,000.
To make things worse for this other player, the previous bet they had $25 on that 200 to 1 bonus and didn’t win. After giving back the $5,000 they were obviously frustrated and put $125 on the same bonus again saying “**** it, I don’t even care” it doesn’t win. And then the very next bet they just put their remaining 5 black chips on banker, no bonus, and the three card 7 bonus hits…meaning they push on their banker bet.
I felt bad for them but at the same time I was losing and rightfully won my bet. It was actually a turning point and i got back what I was down and won $100 and had my first small win in weeks. AITAH?
The dealer said “i don’t blame you, fair is fair, and they didn’t even tip me. All they had to do was throw us both a black chip and we would have kept our mouths shut and moved on”
submitted by gnvffbbd to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:30 Popular_Prompt AITA for refusing to talk to my family after my mother made the fact that I just had a baby all about her

I had a baby recently, and against my better judgement and her insisting I’ve agreed to have my mom visit so “she can help take care of me” after I’ve given birth. I figured why not having her first grandchild might change her, I come back from the hospital and I find that she’s been going through my things and asks questions about them and feels entitled to an answer, me having a newborn I have to feed every 2 hours and recovering from a painful delivery don’t have the time or the energy to deal with it so I spend most of the off time I have taking a shower eating or sleeping, it gets worse because one week postpartum I develop two infections and I’m bedridden with fever and pain. Two weeks postpartum she leaves to go back home in a fit of rage that crept up without me noticing and my dad calls to yell at me to tell me I’ve abused her, let her eat alone in the kitchen and left her outside alone (she wanted to go out for a walk). I decide to give myself some time to cool off because my little one was sick and my cousin calls to tell me if you don’t apologize your parents won’t speak to you anymore. I tell her I will reluctantly but two days later I find that both of them and my brother blocked me, so I settle for that. My cousin is frustrated and tells me to be the bigger person because my mom is sick, this has made my postpartum recovery hell and I’m just trying to focus on my baby’s wellbeing so I’m not planning on reconciling with them anytime soon especially since this is not the first time they challenge my boundaries.
Context: my mom has a history of making big milestones for me about her, the time I got married my brother went into psychosis due to drug misuse and she told the rest of my family it was “my fault” and I should’ve picked another time to get married. I live in another continent and haven’t lived with my parents for over a decade, I’ve also been financially supporting them the past 8 years (none of my siblings work so it’s just me )so me having a baby is a potential catalyst because I told my mom that I’m not gonna be able to get them out of financial trouble the same way I used to and she got pissed because she always felt entitled to my hard earned income
submitted by Popular_Prompt to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:29 jayjay2597 Moving to germany

Hello, I am 16 living in Dubai and i plan on moving to germany by the time im 19. I want to study medicine there and if it is very suitable, i'll work a job at the hospital. I do have a lot of questions though that might not be answerable with research.
Living in Dubai, I'm very used to luxury, i'm not particularly rich, very middleclass but living in Dubai makes you feel very privileged and it's a blessing. I've never struggled here or had a tough time with anything, the most inconvenience would be traffic in the morning or filing a police report to get a windshield fixed. Genuinely this country is so convenient but obviously there are some downsides like the weather, and other things that you usually wouldn't find on a website doing research when moving here. Stuff you'd only figure out after living somewhere for a really long time, you know?
I also need gender care, and i know thats somewhat available in germany, but I'm not 100% sure about it. If someone could let me know or send links to informed websites that speak in detail about it, i would be very grateful.
I know education is free, but i feel like there's a catch...? i mean How..? could someone explain how that works and if the free universities are worse/better?
I also get stomach bugs whenever I travel abroad, even to my home country and I'm very careful about what i eat and drinking tap water and everything but I've never completed a stay at another country without becoming ill. even if it was a week long. I dont know about germany, i know the cold upsets my stomach, but are stomach bugs and food illnesses also common there? Could someone with the same experience clarify this? How must I handle it then?
Speaking of the cold, how manageable is it? I'm used to temperatures as high as 55 degrees and not much lower than 20 (unless it's december-february, then it might go as low as 12 degrees, but never ever further than that.) The average temprature throughout the day though is 35-45 from may to october. Even going to egypt, where temperatures are not much different is too much to handle. I know here every possible indoor place is air conditioned, and i guess heaters exist in cold places but i've never experienced cold weather or knew how people handle it, so can someone give me some insight? I know it's a weird ask but i genuinely wouldn't know.
I also would like to know about making friends, obviously i'll be older so how are people in their 20's? are they very sociable or very serious? what do you guys do for fun? How interested are people in making friends and being kind? I know people in Dubai are kind but making friends is very hard especially when you're an adult. I assume it would be harder to NOT make friends while i'm at Uni but from what I'm used to here... i'm not even going to my school prom because of how rude some people are, people here are honestly not very united in a way. Friend groups keep to themselves and rarely speak to anyone other than their close circles. So really how interested are young people in germany in making new friends and meeting new people?
Is gossiping big amongst young people? Here, people love to talk sh!t and joke about each other and i admit i do it often too but it gets exhausting being around people who dont know any better than to snicker about everyone else, I'm hoping people are a little more kind in germany..?
What about appliances and furniture and basic things needed for living, are those cheap? like fridges, microwaves, beds, etc. I obviously won't need the top appliances or best brands.
One last thing, how convenient is living there? like getting legal processes done, moving into an apartment, changing documents or visa renewals etc, are they quick or do they take several days?
I am honestly really excited to go, and i hope i'm able to. I've been thinking about medschool and germany since I was 13-14 and I just love the idea, my parents also love Germany since my dad lived there for a few years for work. They are not against the idea and i'm just very excited to go, I do yearn for some change after living in the UAE for 16 and a half years but it is soooo terrifying and I've never ever lived abroad before. My parents are scared that I can't do it and won't handle living alone so i guess i just wanna know what to prepare for. And aside from the questions i asked, what else do i need to know before going? I know i need to learn the language and basic terms like please and thank you, in order to not disrespect anyone, but what else is like a basic experience that every citizen goes through, that is unique to germany only? or european countries in general?
Any help or information would be soo appreciated thank you all.
submitted by jayjay2597 to germany [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:27 RilesAndRiles AITA for asking out a mutual friend of my ex's and mine

I (20F) dated Cole (21M), and while dating we started being part of a friend group and met Vivian (24F). There were other people in that group, but the three of us especially got along together.
After 2-3 months, Cole and I started having issues. He would disappear for days at times, cutting contact not just from me but from all his friends. At some point Cole broke up with me, saying that he isn't mentally stable enough to be in a relationship, but that he wants to stay friends. I knew he was going through a hard time and tried being understanding and supportive. I wanted to stay his friend since he had been at the time my best friend, even before he was my boyfriend.
So for a while we tried to make it work, both of us being part of the same friend group and often hanging out with Vivian. A couple of weeks after the breakup Vivian and I started getting closer, and hit it off in DMs as well. I wasn't planning on anything happening between us at first, but I started liking her a lot. I decided to work up the courage to ask her out, and she said yes which made me very happy.
Vivian knew of my history with Cole, and she wanted to be honest with him and tell him before going on a date with me, because he's been an important friend to her. Cole didn't take it very well, he told her he was feeling confused and started being non-communicative with us. We tried giving him space knowing that he sometimes needs time alone, and that he often has a hard time processing his feelings.
A few days later we found out that he left the friend group, telling our friends that he's upset with us for being insensitive and making him feel unincluded. He's not willing to talk with either of us.
My friends are telling me that it's not my fault, but I feel bad that Vivian lost her friend because of me. And that Cole, who was my best friend despite being my ex, isn't talking to me anymore. So I guess that's why I'm asking, AITA?
submitted by RilesAndRiles to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:26 Same_Border8074 Stop asking if you should learn multiple languages at once.

Every time I check this subreddit, there's always someone in the past 10 minutes who is asking whether or not it's a good idea to learn more than 1 language at a time. Obviously, for the most part, it is not and you probably shouldn't. If you learn 2 languages at the same time, it will take you twice as long. That's it.
submitted by Same_Border8074 to languagelearning [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:26 WeebGamerKitten I'm going to be in hell for a week

My fiance is going to visit our daughter for a week. Across the country. I'm not used to being alone. I sleep too much, end up not eating, don't take my medication which makes me somewhat able to function normally. I'm also stressed about either moving house or across the country. How we are going to able to afford either move. If we move across the country I lose my disability benefits for a at least a year. My brain is moving a mile a minute when I am awake. I can barely stop myself from crying. I don't feel hungry and therefore starve myself. You think your life is hard? You wouldn't last 24 hours in my body. Sure we can talk on the phone but that isn't the same as his warm body next to me... Someday I don't eat unless he makes me food. I'm able to get up and use the toilet and get a drink if I absolutely have to because I'm extremely dehydrated from sleeping 12+ hours at a time and sweating from getting overheated while I sleep. Just think...you could be me. A broken human being.
submitted by WeebGamerKitten to Vent [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:26 prawnsandthelike PSA: Halos don't "give" anything special to a student. [Vol 1-4, Vol F Spoilers]

PSA: Halos don't
I've seen this theory circulate across Discord, Youtube, and here on Reddit that halos in Blue Archive "give" students the insane amounts of strength and durability we know them to have, but I really do NOT believe that statement to be true. If that were the case, then everything we know about students being special would be tied to their halos; everything in the game has proven otherwise.
Obviously, there are extensive spoiler warnings that go across all Volumes, so don't come to this conversation unless you've caught up with all current story content (it takes about two weeks to grind up the equipment and levels to beat V3C3E24) or don't care about being spoiled. You have been warned.
Let's review what behaviors we have seen about Halos:
  1. Halos are activated as a student awakens. This is seen in the anime as Shiroko and Hoshino wake up from sleeping and/or naps.
  2. Halos de-activate when a student is not awake. This is seen when Seia is rendered comatose and continues to remain as such to explore the future through her visions.
  3. Halos break when a student dies (Kayoko describes death as one's halo being broken if they were to free fall too high up in the atmosphere to get adequate oxygen in Vol F, Vol 3 involves the use of a halo-breaking bomb i.e. it is strong enough to break a halo and kill a student outright).
From this, we can understand that halos are a primary indicator of consciousness, like an LED indicator on your PC to indicate when the power is on. An LED activates when a computer is turned on. That same LED de-activates when the computer is turned off. The same LED doesn't work if its power cannot be turned on due to catastrophic damage the overall PC suffers.
Okay, we understand that much. So where in the world does the idea that the halo "granting" / "giving" special protections come from?
From Vol 1 and the anime, it is stated multiple times that Sensei is more vulnerable and should not participate in battles because "they do not have a halo" themselves. In Volume 3, Saori shoots Sensei in the side and Sensei is hospitalized due to the physical trauma of the bullet wound, thereby proving the physical difference between those who possess halos and those who do not possess halos.

"There! This shows that halos give powers to their owners!"

WRONG. Halos are an indicator of consciousness for certain groups of beings (students, Sanctum Tower, Decagrammaton), but there exist Kaiser robots, civilian robots, civilian animals, animals, and Sensei that all are awake, alert, and aware without the need for a halo. All of these demographics interact with and have physical and/or verbal conflicts with the students; the robots more or less fight on equal footing with students when it comes to physical altercations (as seen in Vol 1 between Abydos and Kaiser, and Vol 4 between the hobo-robots and SRT).

"That doesn't disprove my point that halos give powers to their owners!"

Not yet, but realize that I'm talking about demographics and the substance of a being.
Let's look at PV 4.5 to be more precise on what I'm talking about:
THIS IS YOUR MAN WHO BROUGHT YOU UP OUT OF HEAVEN
We see here a chest bearing half the shape of an almond blossom -- the very same type of wood that was Aaron's rod. We know that Arona is based off of Biblical Aaron, who was a helper to Moses to lead the people out of Egypt in the great Exodus.
In Exodus, we can see the passage of the first Command say as follows:
"2 I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage." (KJV)
In PV 4.5, we can see the box inscribed with:
[HERE IS YOUR MAN, WHO BROUGHT YOU UP OUT OF HEAVEN.]
If we know that God is speaking to his people (humans) in Exodus, and the inverse is seen in PV 4.5, we can deduce that the box is addressing divine figures. And since Blue Archive has always taken place in one Kivotos or another (Vol F we get snippets of other versions of Kivotos where we fail), we can say with fair confidence that this box is in Kivotos. Kivotos is thus implied to be filled with gods.
And we know from Vol F (which precedes PV 4.5) that Shiroko is Anubis, only one of the many Forgotten Gods. The Forgotten Priests use Chroma to transform Shiroko into Anubis, drawing out her divine name. And since Shiroko is a student who is found to be a god, we can infer that students are gods.
The student body of Kivotos are gods. Gods are inherently divine, and therefore are of divine substance.

"Why does the substance of an existence in Kivotos matter?"

Because Decagrammaton also bear halos, but as explained by Decagrammaton itself and by Himari its members were originally mundane machinery that had been granted consciousness by Decagrammaton. Decagrammaton was a product of an experiment that wanted to establish a pipeline to create new gods. Decagrammaton itself used that same pipeline to make new gods out of the machinery it was surrounded by. Decagrammaton's members were originally mundane things that became divine. That is why they have halos while more mundane robots don't.

"We sound like we're getting off track. What are you getting at?"

If we know Decagrammaton's members to be the end-product of a god-making process and that process results in creating new entities with halos (gods), and that Shiroko's cracked halo didn't affect the combat abilities of her Terror Form (she claims to have destroyed her Kivotos before coming to our Kivotos), then we know that halos don't give anything more special to what is already special...what is already divine substance and godly.
Back to the PC analogy: Does an LED power indicator make the computer's case less vulnerable? No, of course not. So why would a Halo, which is to a student's consciousness as an LED power indicator is to a PC, be any different?
Shiroko's divinity is not lost when she sleeps, nor is it gained when she wakes. It does not diminish when her halo is cracked and she is transformed into her terror form. Shiroko, at her very core, is already a divine being of divine substance -- a god. The same goes for every other student in Blue Archive. The halo is proof of divine existence, but it does not grant any special characteristic to that existence. The divinity itself is what makes that existence special.
It just so happens that Shiroko -- like every other student -- has been anthropomorphized enough to interact with Sensei on a human level: as their student.
TL;DR Halos don't give students any special qualities; they are extensions of the student's self and indicators of their consciousness. It is the students' inherent divinity that gives them their superhuman strength, that gives halos to students. Sensei does not have a halo because they are not inherently divine; Sensei is -- at their core -- uniquely human.
submitted by prawnsandthelike to BlueArchive [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:26 Orange_Menace1 Randyll Tarly - Blackfyre Supporter (my first theory)

Randyll Tarly - Blackfyre Supporter (my first theory)
Note: I started writing this and it got away from me. Rather than fill in the unfinished points, I've just left them there for everyone to consider

Preface

Randyll Tarly on a first read through is a jerk. He tortures Sam, insults Brienne, implements draconian justice and downplays the golden company threat. Prima-Facie, he is a violent commander with little political cunning.
Except for his results. By the end of ADWD
· He receives accolades for every battle fought (I hold fire on the term won)
· He holds the queen in his custody.
· He has a voice at council
· He secured his chosen heir in defiance of westrosi customs
If we assume these things didn’t happen by chance, we can re-examine some of his older achievements, actions, and then try to sort out his motives.

Randyll Tarly as a Commander

Roberts Rebellion

Battle of Ashford

Context: The battle of Ashford was Roberts one defeat in his rebellion. Tarly’s van sailed forward and defeated Roberts host, but the battle was inconclusive. Robert retreated to the stony sept, recovered, regrouped, and when his allies arrived and consolidated forces, used this new army to win the war.

Relevant Sections – directly on point paragraphs:

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion III

Tyrion had to bite his tongue at that. Robb Stark had won more battles in a year than the Lord of Highgarden had in twenty. ~Tyrell's reputation rested on one indecisive victory over Robert Baratheon at Ashford, in a battle largely won by Lord Tarly's van before the main host had even arrived.~

A Storm of Swords - Davos V

"Edric, you ought not boast," Maester Pylos said. "King Robert suffered defeats like any other man. Lord Tyrell bested him at Ashford, and he lost many a tourney tilt as well."

A Storm of Swords - Samwell V

"Your father is an able soldier," King Stannis said. "He defeated my brother once, at Ashford. Mace Tyrell has been pleased to claim the honors for that victory, but Lord Randyll had decided matters before Tyrell ever found the battlefield. He slew Lord Cafferen with that great Valyrian sword of his and sent his head to Aerys." The king rubbed his jaw with a finger. "You are not the sort of son I would expect such a man to have."

A Dance with Dragons - The Griffin Reborn

~He had lost it all at Stoney Sept, in his arrogance.~
~Robert Baratheon had been hiding somewhere in the town, wounded and alone. Jon Connington had known that, and he had also known that Robert's head upon a spear would have put an end to the rebellion, then and there~. He was young and full of pride. How not? King Aerys had named him Hand and given him an army, and he meant to prove himself worthy of that trust, of Rhaegar's love. He would slay the rebel lord himself and carve a place out for himself in all the histories of the Seven Kingdoms.

Other information gleaned from context

· Tarly did not inflict substantial casualties
· Robert won the battle of the trident within a year – Ashford is 282AC and the trident is 283
· Robert fled to and was sheltered in the stony sept, where Jon Connington failed to flush him out. The battle of the bells occurred in 283AC, as did the battle of the trident shortly after

Analysis

Randyll leads the van some distance ahead of the main force, gets into a battle with the rebels, and inflicts minor to moderate casualties before they escape. Tyrell takes the credit.
From a military point of view, if the battle had not been decided before the main force arrived, the war would have likely ended. A much larger force (with assumedly many more horsemen) would have won the battle both more conclusively, and been able to pursue. By all rights, the strategy enforced by Mace Tyrell should have won the war (this theme will come in later in this theory), but for the fact only a fraction of his army engaged far ahead of the main host.
As an aside and jumping ahead a little – Tarly avoids doing this after the blackwater, closing off escape routes and slaughtering everyone. This hints at the fact that Ashford was a tactical mistake.
The first three viewpoints we receive on the battle are of note.
· Tyrion points out the battle was indecisive, and ~decided before the main host arrived~. He focuses on the victory in ‘battle’ as opposed to war.
· Stannis points out how able Randyll is by defeating his brother once at Ashford. Although unable to ascribe any special military strategy to Randyll, he calls him ‘able’ and decided matters before Tyrell arrived. He also flags that Mace Tyrell claimed the honours for the victory and he thinks this undeserved. It’s interesting as it’s Maces host at Ashford, a host that by all rights should have crushed Roberts army in a single battle – given the van alone defeated him. He also ascribes the only kill of note as lord Cafferen
· Maester Pylos points out that Robert lost battles at Ashford and flags it was Tyrell who bested him.
The battle by all appearances, was a farce. Ashford could have ended the war. Arguably, even with the van alone deciding the fight, it very nearly did. Instead, the battle is determined indecisive, there is no ‘impressive kill and capture list’ indicating the host was not captured or killed (as opposed to routed), and Mace has this massive potentially war-ending host not doing much because Robert is in retreat before it arrives.
Furthermore despite all this, Tarly very nearly won the day at Ashford. Robert suffered a serious – but nonfatal wound that seemingly took months (and at least weeks) to recover. The fact that a seriously wounded Robert was able to escape despite distinctive armour and weaponry raises questions of its own.
Finally, when Robert was wounded and hidden in the aftermath whilst he recovered, narratively it allowed JonCon to lay siege to the stony sept. As a parallel, one of the themes I will later touch on is how Tarly changes after this battle, and we know JonCon swears to kill more and become Tywin 2.0. as a direct result of the events at the sept. We see a similar change in Tarly.
It’s also of note that Tarly and Tyrell at this point were on the Targaryen side. This crops up later when we look into other motivations and goals.
Aftermath
So we know that Robert suffers wounds and is somewhat detached from his host (be it they left him in the stoney sept or he scattered off from the main host). We know this as he ends up wounded in the Stoney Sept. After this, the battle of the bells and all the great victories that ended the war occur.
Notably, Tarly has no major military achievements after this battle. Since Mace Tyrell was invested in the siege of Storms end, it can be presumed Tarly was positioned with the main force. The next time we see him is in the battle of 5 kings –

Discussion with Renly – The Siege of Stannis

  • Renly outright ignores Tarly when he says they'll be charging into the sun. In renlys conversation with stannis he points out how overwhelmingly strong his force is and how it will be heavy horse charging into boiled leather. He's not wrong, if the armies clash, stannis will be crushed and waiting is potentially disastrous, as stannis may not engage or slow the whole process down.

Battle of the Blackwater

A Clash of Kings - Sansa VII

They came up the roseroad and along the riverbank, through all the fields Stannis had burned, the ashes puffing up around their boots and turning all their armor grey, but oh! the banners must have been bright, the golden rose and golden lion and all the others, the Marbrand tree and the Rowan~, Tarly's huntsman~ and Redwyne's grapes and Lady Oakheart's leaf. All the westermen, all the power of Highgarden and Casterly Rock! ~Lord Tywin himself had their right wing~ on the north side of the river, with Randyll Tarly commanding the center and ~Mace Tyrell the left,~ but the vanguard won the fight. They plunged through Stannis like a lance through a pumpkin, every man of them howling like some demon in steel. And do you know who led the vanguard? Do you? Do you? Do you?"

A Storm of Swords - Catelyn II

"I told you to hold Riverrun," said Robb. "What part of that command did you fail to comprehend?"
"When you stopped Lord Tywin on the Red Fork," said the Blackfish, "you delayed him just long enough for riders out of Bitterbridge to reach him with word of what was happening to the east. ~Lord Tywin turned his host at once, joined up with Matthis Rowan and Randyll Tarly~ near the headwaters of the Blackwater, and made a forced march to Tumbler's Falls, ~where he found Mace Tyrell and two of his sons waiting with a huge host and a fleet of barges~. They floated down the river, disembarked half a day's ride from the city, and took Stannis in the rear."

We know tywin likes to put his strength on his flanks and in the reserve

Interestingly, Mace is there too, and it’s a tyrell van this time, not tarly
Lord Tywin himself had their right wing on the north side of the river, with Randyll Tarly commanding the center and Mace Tyrell the left, but the vanguard won the fight. They plunged through Stannis like a lance through a pumpkin, every man of them howling like some demon in steel.
ACOK 62: SANSA VII

Analysis

First the parallels. Mace Tyrell is paralleled to Tywin on the two flanks. It is a tyrell in the van who decides the day. Randyll commands the center.
Logistically, the battle is won by Mace Tyrell (whom I love as a character) with a fleet of barges and a huge host already in position (allowing the army to cross quickly enough to intercept the battle of the blackwater). Also the messenger that draws in Tywin’s host comes from Bitterbridge – Tyrell Lands. Given the van wins the battle, there’s a fair argument that Mace could have won the battle alone, albeit with all the support he wins a crushing victory instead.
So Randyll is relegated to an important, but ultimately ancillary position. Whether the battle is won by Tywin or Mace (and by all logistical accounts, it’s Mace), is another question, but the ‘finest soldier in the seven kingdoms’ is once again, somewhat ineffectual. He still commands the center in such a battle, but he displays no logistical or battle prowess in this fight either, just being a renowned commander in the right place at the right time.

Battle of Duskendale

· Lord Randyll defeats a northern army. The army is mostly foot and misplaced
· This time, few excape – XXXX cuts off the retreat.
· Some theories say he was tipped off by Roose Bolton.
· This time he gets the commander
· Figth occurs in FIELDS AND FARMS. Bad terrain for a retreat. Glover TRAPPED against blackwater bay
· Note that Glover had to be captured lest bolton treachery be revealed. Cannot be allowed to send raven.
· Strong implication of a trap and tipoff

A Storm of Swords - Catelyn IV

When they brought him word of the battle at Duskendale, where Lord Randyll Tarly had shattered Robett Glover and Ser Helman Tallhart, he might have been expected to rage.

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion VIII

But who would be mad enough to contest Joffrey's rule now, after what had befallen Stannis Baratheon and Robb Stark? There was still fighting in the riverlands, but everywhere the coils were tightening. Ser Gregor Clegane had crossed the Trident and seized the ruby ford, then captured Harrenhal almost effortlessly. Seagard had yielded to Black Walder Frey, ~Lord Randyll Tarly held Maidenpool, Duskendale, and the kingsroad.~

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion III

"No," their father said. "With the war. Varys."
The eunuch smiled a silken smile. "I have such delicious tidings for you all, my lords. Yesterday at dawn our ~brave Lord Randyll caught Robett Glover outside Duskendale and trapped him against the sea. Losses were heavy on both sides, but in the end our loyal men prevailed. Ser Helman Tallhart is reported dead, with a thousand others. Robett Glover leads the survivors back toward Harrenhal in bloody disarray, little dreaming he will find valiant Ser Gregor and his stalwarts athwart his path."~

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion I

"Until Lord Redwyne brings his fleet up, we lack the ships to assail Dragonstone. It makes no matter. Stannis Baratheon's sun set on the Blackwater. ~As for Stark, the boy is still in the west, but a large force of northmen under Helman Tallhart and Robett Glover are descending toward Duskendale. I've sent Lord Tarly to meet them, while Ser Gregor drives up the kingsroad to cut off their retreat.~ Tallhart and Glover will be caught between them, with a third of Stark's strength."

A Storm of Swords - Catelyn IV

When they brought him word of the battle at Duskendale, where ~Lord Randyll Tarly had shattered Robett Glover and Ser Helman Tallhart,~ he might have been expected to rage. Instead he'd stared in dumb disbelief and said, "Duskendale, on the narrow sea? Why would they go to Duskendale?" He'd shook his head, bewildered. "A third of my foot, lost for Duskendale?"
"The ironmen have my castle and now the Lannisters hold my brother," Galbart Glover said, in a voice thick with despair. Robett Glover had survived the battle, but had been captured near the kingsroad not long after.

A Feast for Crows - Brienne II

Lord Randyll Tarly had commanded Joffrey's army, made up of westermen and stormlanders and knights from the Reach. Those men of his who had died here had been carried back inside the walls, to rest in heroes' tombs beneath the septs of Duskendale. The northern dead, far more numerous, were buried in a common grave beside the sea. Above the cairn that marked their resting place, the victors had raised a rough-hewn wooden marker. HERE LIE THE WOLVES was all it said. Brienne stopped beside it and said a silent prayer for them, and for Catelyn Stark and her son Robb and all the men who'd died with them as well.



Analysis

Firstly we start with the obvious comparison. Tarly lets Robert escape when Mace otherwise very nearly won the war. Given another chance, Randyll pins his enemy against the sea and plans to not let a man escape. Having somewhat surrounded the opponent on known land, with reinforcements (Clegane) behind him, he still manages to suffer heavy casualties, and the target (XXXX) escapes.
What a colossal mistake. The only good news is he intercepted enough of the force that it seems no ravens got sent off showing exactly what happened, as if one message got back, the whole red wedding could have been undone.
Now prior posts have analyzed duskendale about allowing paths of retreat, and number of losses, but I think there are three key takeaways
1) The stark contrast between this and his tactics at Ashford
2) The fact that he failed to capture the host and Gregor Clegane had to clean up the mess
3) The fact he suffered heavy losses when by all rights he had every advantage (and still failed to capture the army)
Interestingly, the message that gets to Robb is that Tarly shattered glover. The actual message from Varys is only 1000 were killed, with Tallhart. Now its difficult to say how many foot there were, but it’s not unreasonable to assume that 1000 is less than to around half the force. Clegane captures Glover in the aftermath (thankfully), and Robb gets the report that Tarly shattered the force, when in actuality a good chunk of it was Clegane.
As a sidenote- this is indicative that Clegane actually isn’t a bad commander, and in turn this makes the fact that Edmure Tully threw him back more impressive.
We also don’t hear of any captives other than the ones taken by Clegane. It appears Tarly is putting men to the sword (SEE EARLIER).
Now before we get into conspiracy theories, we see Glover in ADWD conspiring with Madderly to help the starks and Stannis, so it seems this was not some cunning scheme where he secretly got himself captured.
Interestingly, the graves Brienne sees seem to indicate a crushing victory for Tarly, like the one described by Robb. This however is at odds with the report of Varys, and the fact Clegane had to mop up the leftover army. Now there are a few possibilities for this. Varys could be wrong/lying, heavy losses is being thrown around as a relative term (but that seems suspect), or the total of Tarly dead and Clegane’s role is being hidden. The last seems the most likely, Robb hears of a crushing defeat led by Tarly not Clegane (which we know is at least partially false), the dead he kills don’t add up, and there’s no mention of Clegane whom definitely did some of the work.
Also even assuming the whole situation is true and Tarly killed men at a 2/1 ratio, this assumes there are 500 heroes tombs under the septs at Duskendale. Simply put, there may not be that many. The whole aftermath stinks of a coverup. Tarly is getting Cleganes credit (and interestingly, it’s around now that Tywin decides not to give Clegane to oberyn).
Finally we get to the tinfoily bit. Helman garrisoned with Walder Frey to make sure he kept peace. Of the two lords, Helman is arguably more problematic, he knows more of Frey habits (when Tywin is scheming a betrayal) and his nephew is a possible hornwood claimant (cough Roose cough). If there was a conspiracy to kill one and ransom the other – I can see a world where Talhart is the one to be killed. In all reality though, this is a bit too ambitious, and in reality one just died and one escaped – without some super scheme that Tarly was involved in.
So in summary – once again Tarly fails his mission. At best, he bloodies an out of position army whilst taking heavy casualties, with his reinforcements on the way, and half the army breaks free (admittedly into Clegane). This is not a great display of prowess. We also know its possible to capture these men as hostages, as Clegane successfully does so – and Tarly fails to once again. Now it’s not catastrophic as the Northerners are bleeding men and trading troops tit for tat is beneficial, but the battle itself (the thing Randyll is in charge of) is highly unimpressive. The strategic victory goes to Tywin, whom in truth entrusts it as much to Gregor Clegane as to Tarly. As it so happens, Clegane delivers and Tarly doesn’t.


A summary as a commander

Talk about failing upwards
· Charging ahead, he is able to turn a crushing win into an indecisive one which ultimately leads to Roberts Rebellion succeeding
· He gives counsel to Renly about the sun when renly knows that the sheer strength of his cavalry makes the issue moot. Renly all but ignores him.
· He doesn’t appear to do much during the battle of the blackwater
· He manages to mess up essentially an ambush at Duskendale despite reinforcements being on the way
· As a result of the 4 above points, he is given, lands, titles, honors and a position on the small council.
Upon actually reviewing his achievements and each individual battle, I’ve 180’d on Tarly. George RR Martin does a great job building him up, and having everyone describe him as a great commander, but actually unpacking his battles, he looks pretty underwhelming. The most important battle he won was Ashford, but that was a strategic catastrophe which otherwise could have potentially let Mace Tyrell win the war. Afterwards he’s carefully managed, with Renly outright dismissing him, Mace keeping the key positions of command in other people’s hands and Tywin going so far as to dispatch a trusted force behind him in the event he fails again – WHICH HE DOES.


Politicks, Loyalties and Conspiracies

There’s a lot to get through so I’m not going to source everything here. Rather, I’ll list dot points, and we will be collecting everything under theories. In time it may be worth sourcing this all, but for now, I want to get something out – so it’ll be shortform
· Historically house is blackfyre
· Renly Sworn NOT STANNIS
· Joined at bitterbridge to Renly
· Shadowbaby and killing others
· VIEWS ON MAESTERS
· Killing Stannis supporters at bitterbridge
· Saving Brienne
· Helping Brienne / Bewilderment
· Views on Women and Strongmen
· Sam, Maesters, the Marches and Strength
· Maidenpool Rulership
· Renown amonst common men
· Downplaying the Golden Company
· Bravosi Debts
· Taking the QUEEN ahead of Mace Tyrell

Theoreis Stemming off Data

The Blackfyre Theory

Let’s assume that Randyll supported the Blackfyres because his house traditionally were Blackfyre Loyalists. This is a little thin on evidence, but quite a few of his actions also support this, lending some credence to the theory
1) He swore to Renly not Stannis.
a. Stannis was 17 or 18 when he held storms end. He is approximately 13 years older than Renly, making Renly 5 at the time. This means that during Roberts Rebellion, for all relevant purposes, Renly was a non-participant, whilst Stannis actively fought against the dragons. If Randyll is a dragon supporter, his repulsion at joining Stannis is apparent.
b. In fact, he goes as far as to kill stannis supporters at bitterbridge to consolidate the reach forces. This is interesting as it contrasts stannis whom takes pains to not kill the karstarks to a man once he realizes their treason.
2) He downplays the golden company
a. At the end of AFWC, Randyll is downplaying the golden company as much as he can. If we assume he is pro-dragon, this gives time for the blackfyre cause to swell, as he delays Kevan Lannister to the best of his ability
3) He hates the Maesters
a. Between the Grand Maester Conspiracy [LINK], lady Dustin’s general hatred of Maesters and Marwyn’s comments about Maesters and Dragons, it seems credible that dragon supporters may have cause to mistrust Maesters. Indeed, we get hints of this from Doran, and a general mistrust of Maesters by some of the lesser lords.
i. "I would need a bucket, with this pain. Thank you, but no. I want my wits about me. I'll have no more need of you tonight."
b. This explains also why he is so determined Sam will not become a Maester and why he drives him to the nights watch. If he is a loyalist, he’s never going to let a member of his family into an enemy order. If Sam is given any sort of free reign in a role other than lord, he’s going to end up a Maester (indeed even at the nights watch he ends up there, despite his protests and fears of his fathers wroth).
4) Do we actually see any trouble in the marches. I don’t think we do and it’s only STANNIS who fears dorne through the marches, not Tarly or Tyrell. In fact, this area is left undefended when they march on the blackwater.
a. I have a sub-theory that despite complaining a lot, we don’t see any real antagonism between Dorne and the reach throughout the series, just some loud complaining that makes us think of antagonism. Oberyn hints at this to Tyrion.
5) Killing Florents
a. Florents have ties to Stannis
b. Florents are Tyrell rivals
c. Florents instantly defect to stannis. Note they were set aside by dragons over highgarden
d. Their protests were denied by King Aegon I, perhaps because the Florents had fought House Targaryen when the Tyrells did not.
e. https://www.reddit.com/asoiaf/comments/3tr6gx/spoilers_all_house_of_the_week_house_florent/
i. Theories florents Green
6) This is of course also consistent with him racing Ahead of Mace Tyrell’s army and having the Tyrell queen taken into his personal custody. Unfortunately, this bodes badly for our lovely doe-eyed Margery. Oh well.
7) ~If it were up to me, I would send them all to the Night's Watch, and Connington with them. The Wall is where such scum belong."~ He’s setting it up so the only legitimate claimant of JonCon’s lands is in fact, JonCon. Obviously a new lord can be appointed, but this suggested move adds legitimacy to the blackfyre cause, removing the heir apparent and putting JonCon back in his ancestral lands without a real challenger.

1) The ‘show of strength / toxic masculinity theory’
a. This theory has to do with Tarly appearing competent millirarily rather than being competent. He doles harsh justice and havy discipline, which in some ways hides his lackluster results as a commander. I should note this is the weakest of the three theories, but it sort of feeds into the other two.
b. This would be indicative of his hatred for Sam. The moment the ‘veil’ of masculinity and strength is lifted, his actual achievements are lackluster
c. After ashford he appears much more brutal than before. We have no indication he was brutal pre Ashford, and post ashford he’s executing enemies, cornering and murdering northmen to a man (as best he can at least) and doling out harsher justice than his peers
d. Every character who speaks of Tarly speaks of his millirary accolades. I think his ‘larger than life’ persona has played at least a part in this, and Tarly looks the part as the veteran commander.
e. I ought to note this theory doesn’t stop Tarly from playing the game of thrones, it just suggests he isn’t an exceptional tactical commander. Logistically, he has always been with the winning side as a vassal, he’s been able to spin every battle to gain honors and accolades, and he has a knack for being in the right place at the right time (declaring for renly early, being in the van at ashford etc.)
f. All that aside, this theory also doesn’t stop Tarly from being a jerk. Given how he acts to Sam and both towards and around Brienne, we are naturally inclined to mislike him as a harsh leader.
2) Not as dumb as he looks theory
a. He’s taken the queen into his personal Custody. We literally heard from Renly back in book 1 – he who holds the XXXX holds the crown. With all the chaos in the recent books, it’s easy to miss, but this is a huge move in the game of thrones. The Tyrells do not have the queen. Tarly does.
b. As far as I can tell, he’s never been at real risk in a battle since Ashford. He had backup and numbers at duskendale, a massive host at the blackwater, The Siege of Storms End was just a great big preservation of army by Mace whilst Roberts rebellion raged, and the Siege on Stannis was totally lopsided but for magic shadow-baby.
c. Dorne does not seem to have acted against him once nor demanded concessions. [CHECK]. For a lord in the Dornish Marches which have been tumultuous for years, this is somewhat of a big deal. He also seems to be unafraid of moving his forced forward – we have no indication he left levies to protect himself from Dorne, hinting that he wasn’t afraid of Dorne misbehaving (even if only to harry border towns, a bit like Bolton grabbing up the hornwood lands).
d. He sucks up to the bravosi Banker when all the debts are being called in. We have this picture of this strong, just, military man, but the banker scene shows he’s not just a sword arm, and he knows when to suck up. This is important as it shows he is at least considering the wider world and the future outside of the battles, as opposed to a certain dwarf whom never actually meets the bankers.
e. He has turned a bunch of mediocre achievements into being renowned as the greatest soldier in the realm. By all rights, Stannis and Robb are much better commanders (with the caveat that Robb was only good tactically). If we want to get nasty, Mace Tyrell has only won crushing victories – with the exception of ashford (messed up by Tarly) and storms end (where he lost no troops in a rebellion that depleted most of the realm).
i. The most competent appearing thing he said was to not charge into the sun, which was largely irrelevant when plated heavy cavalry is charging into boiled leather. As Renly said to Stannis, his force wouldn’t survive first impact, so this whole sun business is a bit silly.
ii. Arguably the most competent thing was executing all the soldiers considering going over to Stannis, but I’m not sure if this is truly competent or just brutality – Stannis did not do the same with the Karstarks in a similar position.
f. He’s bypassed succession laws. By getting rid of Sam he has set himself up with his chosen heir. Look at the thorny knot Tywin tied himself with Tyrion, whom still arguably is the rightful heir to Castelry Rock (which he made full use of with the Second Suns). We know Maesters can be kicked out of the order (see our favourite necromancer), and can be used to play with succession (Aemon is a good example, albeit he said no) and I don’t really see Sam as a priest.
i. There’s actually a good question as to whether he would have killed Sam. The gods hate kinslayers, and the threat sufficed. If we assume tarly isn’t an idiot, he would have realized the threat likely sufficient.
g. Given how he sets himself up at Maidenpool, its hinted that the Maidenpool land is part of his reward for the blackwater. We never hear of exactly ‘what’ Tarly’s reward is, except in the aftermath he’s patrolling Duskendale (still seemingly with house Rykker),, Maidenpool and the kings road, and seems to be setting himself up in Maidenpool for the long haul. In AFFC, Tarly’s heir is married off to Eleanor Mooton (the seeming heiress to maidenpool) and Tommen pardons Moonton. Maidenpool is a major port in the world of Ice and Fire, which would make it a fine reward[[1]](#_ftn1).
1.

Other key takeaways

BRIENNE THING

A Feast for Crows - Brienne III

Randyll Tarly solved the mystery the day he sent two of his men-at-arms to summon her to his pavilion. His young son Dickon had overheard four knights laughing as they saddled up their horses, and had told his lord father what they said.

… "The gods made men to fight, and women to bear children," said Randyll Tarly. "A woman's war is in the birthing bed."
Someone was coming down the cellar steps. Brienne pushed her wine aside as a ragged, scrawny, sharp-faced man with dirty brown hair stepped into the Goose. He gave the Tyroshi sailors a quick look and Brienne a longer one, then went up to the plank. "Wine," he said, "and none o' your horse piss in it, thank'e."

JUSTICE THING


Battle of the Blackwater – a step Sideways



In short
Randyll Tarly is a shrewd Blackfyre loyalist who now has custody of the queen, a position on the small council and whom is not considered a political threat. He’s not half the commander he’s made out to be, probably has anti-maester sentiment and is possibly friendly with Doran Martell. And he has an army.
This has been quite a ride and I’m sure I got many details wrong so let’s end on a high note. Given all this, I expect Randyll to sacrifice Margery and prove ser pounce’s lineage to the age of conquest. Tommen will blindly stamp a document marrying himself to the cat, the white walkers will be appeased (their problem is only humans), and everyone lives happily ever after except for Danerys who dies.
Maidenpool
https://preview.redd.it/4gfx1jxsbd1d1.png?width=217&format=png&auto=webp&s=a6c648fe2853a80f249aeae5546a21b38b4123e9

submitted by Orange_Menace1 to asoiaf [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:23 Ok_Twist5185 Am I the problem or are there valid red flags I didn’t see until now

My (33F) fiancé (32M) just moved in together after being together for two years. We got into a massive fight today and I’m not sure if I should even continue the relationship or not. So it’s the last few days we have the condo and there’s still stuff there. My Mom (who lives with me due to age and health issues) and I rented a truck and got some stuff but I still had to work so I didn’t get as much done. Plus she hurt her leg so by Tuesday night she was out of commission. So I ask my fiancée to help me Wednesday and said I would get another U-Haul so we can bring our cats back (new landlord doesn’t know about our cats. Had a friend keep an eye on them while they were at the condo for a night while landlord came to fix some stuff at the new place. They were never alone for long and had plenty of food/water. Etc) and everything at once versus him and I killing our gas. He agreed.
Wednesday morning rolls around I wake up, shower, book the truck. I go to wake him up and ask if he can get ready. He said okay but what about my interview. I ask is it in person or virtual. He said virtual by 4:20. I said okay will by then we should be wrapping up and loading the truck so if you need to step out and take the call no worries. He said but I don’t wanna do the zoom there I wanna do it here (place we moved to). That’s when my eye starts twitching cause that would mean I would have to drive the truck back and forth and it was already $100 the day before driving it from old place to new place and back one time. So at that point to me there was no point in fighting it and I said okay and left with my car. Never got the truck again. Did what I could for a few hours before having to take my mother to the er and head to work. I get mom back to the house and ask him to keep an eye on her and get her whatever she needs/help with the dogs cause I don’t want her putting pressure on her leg. He said he would. I get back home, my dogs are still locked up and he’s on the bed not feeling good supposedly (was fine enough later to game on his computer) and I find dog piss/shit in the room that was cold meaning it been there a while. Not trying to lose it, I said okay and cleaned it up and took care of everything.
Well now it’s Thursday, mom’s okay at home and I’m at work. He asks what time I get off. I said 6 and he said he would meet me at the condo to help with the cats and heavy boxes. Barely 6:25 and I get a call “babe are you fing kidding me how long does it take” (he says he meant that in like a light matter and not maliciously but I didn’t take it that way). I ask what’s wrong he says he’s been waiting 20 mins and asks how much longer I said idk depends on traffic, could be another 20. He gets more frustrated I ask what does it matter I’m on my way and I’ll get there when I get there. He says it’s hot, waiting is killing his gas etc. and again I say what does it matter how long it takes it’s not like you had to do anything later or have to go to work (on week 6 of him having no job so I’m already stressed trying to figure out how imma pay rent if I have to cover him again). And he says he was helping his friend with a script (he’s an actor) and he has an audition to prepare for next week. I said well that’s why I wanted your help Wednesday so we could get this done faster. I understood he had a zoom interview but I still needed help and it wouldn’t have killed his gas. He said well why is this being put on me. It’s not my shit and I don’t want to be there 4 hours putting knick knacks/pots and pans in boxes all day. Which sets me off cause it confirmed that I was gonna be there doing this by myself. He said i should’ve had it done prior to the move. Which I’m well aware of and didn’t need that thrown in my face. I said well when did I have the time or energy. I work two jobs 5am-10pm every day and all day on weekends. By the time I get home I barely have energy to eat or take the dogs out cause I’m exhausted. He said well there were two people in that condo. I said I’m well aware but my mom is damn near 75 and in stage 3 kidney failure. She does not have the same energy level she did when we moved 7 years ago. She has helped a lot financially with this move and did what her body allowed her to do while packing. At this point of the conversation I was pretty much at a level 10 of upset and just wanted to be alone at this point. I said this wasn’t working and when I get there to just get the cats and go. So I get there 15 mins later, help load the cats and go. I’m already level 10 mad/upset. Even more frustrated I have to kill more of my gas which means I have to pull more $ from my upcoming check to pay for said gas. At that point it is what it is.
We get to the new place and unload the cats. While he’s getting their stuff in I start packing a bag to pretty much spend the night at the condo cause stuff still needed to get done and I wanted to be alone to cool off. He said are you spending the night I said yes. Well I’m coming with you i said no I wanna be alone. And he kept pushing and said no I don’t want you side eyeing me about this later and I keep telling him no I don’t want you there I wanna be alone and I locked my car on him. He said if you do this I’m done with you. I said okay. He said okay I’ll call and figure something out with Gus (his actor friend moving to LA to launch his own career), I won’t have you holding me back because you wanna be a brat about some bullshit. I’m the last good thing you’ll have and if I leave you’ll regret it. I said okay bye and left.
I drive to the condo. I get food cause I hadn’t eaten since 1:30. And I was a bit more calm after driving and blasting music (it’s how I call myself down besides taking a nap) and I called and told him as calm as a could cause I’m still tearing up and shaking because anxiety. I told him me leaving the house was not me wanting him to leave me and that I still love him but I needed to cool off and I cannot do that with him in the car with me. I was at a level 10 and needed to be by myself for a moment. He says I respect that you called to tell me that and i understand. He says he was an inch away from losing his cool while we were going at it in the driveway and I was about to see a different side of him. He said I turned this into something bigger than it needs to be and how’s he’s here because he loves me not because he needs me. If he wasn’t here he’d be in LA doing what he has to do to be a actor. I said I know that because he’s always telling me that and I explained to him, when he called me complaining about me not getting there in time and him having to wait set me off because again he’s not working what does it matter what time I get there. He says he doesn’t dictate my time and I shouldn’t dictate his. Fair. But again why are we complaining. I know it’s not his stuff and that I should’ve had this done but he should want to help me because he loves me. Not complain about it and then say he will still help me. Cause at that point I already know he doesn’t wanna be there and I’m not gonna force someone to do something they don’t want to do. I’d rather do it by myself and have it take all night if it has to. He said he understood where I was coming from but that we can’t fight this bad over something small every time and have me “throw in the towel”. I’ve told him before when I’m at that level of mad I start saying things I know I will regret because I’m at a fight or flight stance and it’s a trauma response from everything my step-mother and father put me through. I am very go with the flow and will do whatever to keep the peace because I clearly do not know how to control my emotions and will rather say okay and do things myself than to argue about it. Not the best way of handling things I know but that change isn’t gonna happen over night.
He said he’s not a monster and treats me well. That any other guy wouldn’t be out looking for a job or treating me as well as he does that if he leaves I will regret it because no one will treat me as well as he does. He was saying he was just bragging to his sister and friends about how perfect I was but then says how my behavior is not consistent like he is. And that im about two more attitudes away from him leaving entirely and I need to watch how I talk to him. In that moment it’s like im back to being a small child getting scolded by my father for something stupid. I said okay well I have some things to think about and will talk to him later. I get to the apartment to calm down so I can call my uncle who is the voice of reason before I call mom because I don’t want her mad cause he will feel that.
And I’m thinking idk what to do cause my/our room doesn’t feel I like mine or our room. It feels like his and I just have some clothes in there and sleep in there. Can’t have my dogs in there cause godforbid my Doberman growls at him cause he still hasn’t made an effort with her. Or god forbid my lab pants and annoys him. Or gets curious about the cat and hypes them up cause then they will be up all night.
I’ve noticed he has to be in control even when it comes down to how a dog breathes. So it’s like in walking on eggshells and I have my lab/doberman sleep in the guest room cause I’m not trying to upset him. I haven’t had a decent night of sleep since I been here cause he games at night or has the tv on all night long/freezes me with AC. And my dog who I got for my anxiety can’t even sleep in the same room as me. And to me my Doberman being scared of him (she barks and growls at him and immediately runs to her kennel when he enters a room) just sounds off alarm bells in my head for some reason. She’s a guard dog yes but never truly mean. She doesn’t hate men cause she’s loves her pet sitters husband and the guys at Petco. She’s the sweetest child once she accepts you. Then I keep thinking well if a dog panting annoys him what’s gonna happen when there’s a screaming baby at 2 am for 2 hours. Am I gonna be stuck dealing with it by myself.
I commend him for knowing what he wants to do and having the drive to do it. I really do. But he has made it very clear that his career will probably always comes first. He always says he’s trying to build a life for us and if I let him do what he has to do we can retire at 40. But for I could care less about what happens 10 years from now. I’m worried and focused about right now. I’m supposed to taking a load off not getting handed more. Instead of working less I’m having to pick up shifts to make sure bills are paid somehow.
hes not really helping out at home. sure he will make the bed, clean after the cats, and wash dishes every now and then but other than that he never really leaves the room. i respect that hes studying for his career and all that but i still need help with the dogs and keeping the house afloat. especially now that mom cant be on her ankle rn. he couldnt even be bothered to let his own dog out the other day. I don’t know if it’s me being dramatic or what. But I feel very unsupported and exhausted. I genuinely don’t know what to do and don’t have anyone to turn to.
submitted by Ok_Twist5185 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:22 Zasle1337 Game Freezing and Flickering Screen since new Hardware

Hey there,
since i upgraded my Hardware CS2 crashes constantly every 5-10 minutes.
It end in a flickering Screen and only way out is TaskmngKill
I use to play CS2 in 4:3 but also tried it in 16:9. Look at the Video how the Crash looks like
https://imgur.com/E8qCW2G
______________________________________________
Here are my specs:
GPU: RTX 2070 - Driver Version 552.44 ( I kept the GPU from my old PC)
CPU: AMD Ryzen 9 5900X
MB: MAG B550 Tomahawk (MS-7C91)
RAM: 4x GSKILL F4-3600X18-8GVK (8GB each)
Storage: 2x M2-SSD
Crucial MX500 1 TB(This is where CS and OS runs on)
old Sabrent m2 ssd from 1st m2-gen(I used this in my old setup and just formatted and kept it, theres currently nothing on it)
______________________________________________
Here is what i've tried so far after the standard procedure of trying different CS2/Nvidia Settings:
-First off i reinstalled CS2
-Second i reinstalled the whole OS. As i was thinking, that old Data from my 2nd m2 could compromise CS2. no success
-Then Benchmarked and stress-tested the hell out of my machine(20 minutes with full workload on CPU,GPU,Ram,M2 ssd) everything worked fine
-I double-Checked all the components in my PC to see if a connection or cable is loose
______________________________________________
Here is what seemed to help a bit:
When running CS2 in Vulkan instead of DX11 the game lasted a lot longer. But it still crashes after some time. The crash in Vulkan is just a frozen Screen instead of the flickering.
Some maps(like dust2) tend to take longer for the crash as others(mirage) take only a few minutes to seconds til the crash applies.
______________________________________________
The Crashlogs:
Ive read the Dumpfiles and searched for the point where it crashes:
Direct-X Message: Assert( LockDynamicConstantBuffer failed in CreatePerViewConstantBuffer!!! ) renderingpipeline_csgo.cpp(1250) Function: CreatePerViewConstantBufferCsgo File: C:\buildworker\csgo_rel_win64\build\src\game\client\cstrike15\renderingpipeline\renderingpipeline_csgo.cpp Message: Assertion Failed in function CreatePerViewConstantBufferCsgo(): false LockDynamicConstantBuffer failed in CreatePerViewConstantBuffer!!!
Vulkan Message:
SourceTS Exception during OnThink Uncaught Method invoked with bad 'this' value.
This is what i've got so far. If anyone had the same or anything similar like my message i'd be really really glad to hear about it as im losing my mind on this error.
Thank you guys in advance,
Alex
submitted by Zasle1337 to cs2 [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:21 cscq201931 Itchy arm

My character had an itchy arm for a while that burst into bugs and then remained an itchy arm until I healed the thing by taking anti-fungal drugs, anti-parasitic drugs, antibiotics, and putting antiseptic on the arm all at the same time. Before that I had taken some anti-fungal drugs and used some antibiotics but nothing happened, because I know the fungal infection begins with itchy skin and thought this was similar. I've never seen something like this in the game. Were the bugs that burst out supposed to be a new mechanic about maggots or something, because the arm was injured before the itchy arm status started and I didn't immediately dress the wound and they didn't show up in the game at all when they busted out of the arm? I didn't bump into anything that could have caused something like this except maybe a giant scorpion I dissected which had worm parasites in it, but a text prompt said they all looked at my character for a bit and then scurried off so I don't think they infected my character with something.
submitted by cscq201931 to cataclysmdda [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:21 Federal_Machine692 I work as a security guard in a secret government facility, and this is what happened (Part 1)

Buster growled softly, baring his teeth at me as he stood in defiance. His stance rigid and unyielding, his tail stiff, and ears pinned back - he watched my every move with alert eyes.
My 3-year-old German shepherd had intuitively figured out the prospect of an upcoming bath when he saw me reach for the towel, and decided to give me a hard time over it.
“I know buddy. I am not happy about it either. But I will make it quick. I promise,” I tried to reason, holding up both hands to reassure him.
‘But it’s not even been a week…’ I could almost imagine him saying those exact words to me when he growled back in protest.
“You’re right...But listen, man. You’re dirty. I can feel your presence from here,” I said, standing ten feet away and pretending to cover my nostrils with my finger.
Buster, of course, didn’t care and continued to defy without hesitation.
I put my hands on my hip and sighed. My glance immediately shifted to a hose attached to a tap outside my quarters.
“Tell you what. I’ll make it worth your while. You don’t mind the jet spray, right? In fact, you even tolerate it sometimes,” I said, pointing to the hose located only a few feet away.
“How about a little cooperation now, and I’ll make you your favorite meal a little later?” I asked him, while reaching out to pick a can of chicken liver from the kitchen.
As I dangled the can in my hand, I could see it slowly chipping away at his resolve, his mind grappling with the pros and cons of my new proposal.
A moment later, Buster barked at me twice and slowly made his way out of the house. He sat by the garden tap, ready to receive his bath.
I took a handful of lotion and began to rub it against his torso to remove all the muck and grime that was sticking to his body. We had been quite busy lately, guarding the base and conducting multiple patrols along the perimeter every day. The rain a few hours ago certainly didn't help matters, with Buster leaping over puddles of water and actively rolling in the mud to escape the desert heat. I had to use a brush to remove the layers of dirt that had caked all over his body.
It’s been a strange week, to say the least. The days were busy but peaceful, while the nights brought scattered, random sounds. Their origins were a mystery, as they appeared not to originate from the base. But I wasn’t too worried about it, not yet anyway.
There is an air base located a couple of hours away from the facility, and it wasn’t unusual for them to conduct sorties at odd hours in the night. I assumed they were probably testing out some new technology.
My colleague Joe thought the same thing as well. But we couldn’t take any chances, and we both had a job to do. So we conducted regular patrols around the base just as a precautionary measure.
But deep down, I felt something nagging at me, like I was being watched by someone or something. I couldn’t exactly put it into words.
For a second, I wondered if Buster too felt the same way when I saw him suddenly lift his head up, listening intently with his ears up in attention.
I quickly turned back to check if there was anybody standing behind me, but I found no one. When I turned around to face him again, I saw him looking up at the night sky, his gaze focused and unwavering.
“What’s it buddy? You see something?” I asked him as I cleared away the foam from his face. Moments went by slowly. And then, just like that, as if nothing had happened, he put his head down and began pawing my leg, urging me to finish his bath. I sighed again and turned on the hose, to wash off all the soap.
He finally looked presentable and I have to admit, his coat glistened beautifully under the moonlight.
Before I could reach for his towel, Buster swiftly moved in to close the gap between us and looked me in the eye dead serious. He then shook his body vigorously, much like a wet dog trying to rid itself of wetness, and trotted off without bothering to look back.
I laughed out loud as I sat there, drenched in water. I knew I should have seen that coming. However, my smile quickly faded, as it also reminded me of Jessica, my ailing wife.
Before another thought could take shape in my mind, I heard a familiar voice blare across the radio.
“Mike, I need you down here. Get to the post quick.”
It was my colleague Joe and I replied back in the affirmative. I quickly grabbed my gear and signaled Buster to follow after me.
When I reached the post, I saw Joe standing there armed with his rifle. As a seasoned war veteran with two tours under his belt, Joe was a dangerous man and not to be trifled with. But he was also compassionate and wise beyond his years.
“What’s up Joe?” I inquired, as I approached him near the entrance of the base.
“I am not sure yet. I thought I heard something at a distance. It could well be nothing.” he replied, after a brief pause.
‘Well, we’ve had a lot of that going around all week’, I thought to myself.
He then turned around to look at me. “I want you to run a perimeter sweep first. Then go on patrol again. Take Buster with you” he said, before heading back to his post.
I started the jeep and drove out towards the perimeter. The engine hummed softly as I navigated the rough terrain, with Buster sitting alertly beside me. After finding nothing suspicious during my initial sweep, I decided to broaden my search radius.
A mile into the drive, Buster suddenly started barking, prompting me to stop the jeep immediately. He leaped onto the ground and dashed towards a boulder located a short distance away. I picked up my rifle and cautiously followed after him.
When I reached the spot, I keyed the mic attached to my shirt and said, "Boss, you need to come see this."
I knew he wasn’t going to be happy about leaving the guard post unmanned, but I thought he would prefer to come and inspect this himself.
Joe arrived ten minutes later, parking his vehicle next to mine. He walked towards the boulder overlooking a small pond, and switched on his torch to get a better look at the skeletal remains of an animal dumped nearby. Three other animal remains lay next to it, all appearing to be in a similar condition.
“These look like coyotes, probably stopping by to drink water from the pond before they were killed,” he observed, his voice expressing concern. “Did you find them like this?”
“Yes”, I replied. “And they weren’t here when I drove through the same place this morning. I thought it was quite odd to be honest, to find four of them out here all at once in the middle of the desert, that too at this hour.”
Joe simply nodded in agreement.
“What sort of creature do you think did this Joe?”
“I mean it must have a ravenous appetite to chew every sinew of flesh from the bone, and lick it this clean.” I said, leaning in take another look.
“Do you think it could be the Chupacabra or something similar?” I continued, knowing fully well my question was a bit far-fetched, but I had to still get it off my chest.
Joe finally stood up, switched off his torch, and looked around the vast open desert in quiet contemplation.
“This is in fact the fifth sighting in less than a week, Mike, and all have occurred in close proximity to secure government installations. The one before this was even stranger, and happened near a military base, where an old buddy of mine continues to serve.”
“He told me in that instance, the remains belonged to a dog. There were no signs of flesh or connecting tissue from the nasal region to the abdominal section, while the region spanning from the abdominal cavity to the tail bone was left fully intact. The whole thing was carried out with surgical precision, and drew morbid praise from even the medic back at the base.”
"But how is that even possible? What are you suggesting, Joe?" I asked, surprised by the tone of my own voice and my inability to hide my disappointment upon hearing about it for the first time.
“This is not a hunt for prey, Mike. This is a hunt for attention. Somebody is trying to make a point. And I’d say they are accomplishing their objective.” Joe said.
submitted by Federal_Machine692 to nosleep [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:20 TollerThrowaway 2 weeks later, I still feel no bond, and I feel like I'm suddenly losing progress

I have a now 11 week old Toller that I picked up 2 weeks ago, and since I picked him up I still haven't felt any real bond or any spark of joy I always expected when I finally got my first puppy. I knew a puppy would be a ton of work, did all my research for years, got books and the minute I had the puppy I still felt completely unprepared. However by puppy standards he has been a gem and a very fast learner, at least up until 2 days ago.
After the first grueling nights, he went from I hating the crate with a passion to getting in on his own, not even crying at night and going straight to bed at bed time. He went from having tons of accidents inside, to learning how to go to the door for poops (pees I still take him out frequently to avoid too many inside accidents). We went from going out every 2 hours at night to just once a night, no accidents in the crate. Teething has been a problem but I got him to chew almost exclusively on his toys, though he still goes for furniture fabric and my toes and fingers. During the day I started being able to leave him in his crate for 45 minutes to an hour and leave the room, and he'd sleep.
In about a week and a half he made so much progress, but suddenly a couple nights ago it's like he hit reset and then some, almost like a new different puppy. He's crying in his crate, he's crying when we leave the house to go potty or even for a very short walk on the leash. He now cries even when I turn the corner and close the door to go to the bathroom.
With food and toys he's started getting suddenly possessive, even though I've been with him every day, doing hand feeding in the beginning and he wanted to play with toys with me or have me hold his chew ring.
He's gone on a teething storm, his teething bites on me have been strong enough to make me blees a few times even though I try to curb that behavior with large "ows!" or putting toys in his mouth when trying to chew on me.
Honestly I still haven't gotten a good night sleep in weeks which I know effects my feelings towards my pup, and honestly I feel even worse considering that up until this weekend he was a relatively chill puppy (as puppies go at least) and I still felt overwhelmed and no bond. However, this weekend just became a sudden rerun of the first couple nights as well as some new issues on top and I'm not sure why this happened and how to cope. I've already had him on a schedule the past week too, making sure he gets his sleep at the same time, I do my work at the same times and he's in his crate at the same times, but the enforced naps don't seem to help once he wakes back up. I am hoping next Saturday when his first puppy class starts that will help.
submitted by TollerThrowaway to puppy101 [link] [comments]


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