Hi everyone
I, (M-17) have always been addicted to my phone and social media, especially when high school began. Due to my phone and social media addictions' highest peak and effects on me were during my high school years (I recently graduated and am heading to college), It affected my grades and GPA terribley and I barley passed my classes from 9th grade all the way to 11th grade, thankfully my senior year grades are much better.
My improvement in my senior year mainly came from deciding to delete the social media apps I had on my phone (Facebook, Instagram, ect) and recently, in the past few months, I've grown a deep hatred for social media and that it's not about actually socializing anymore but fame and clout and that people will do anything for it. People would rather watch and film someone in trouble for views rather than help them out (not that a scenario like this ever happened but I think you get what I mean lol) Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids (mainly gen alpha) have only ever known these devices and are exposed to so much brain rot and inappropriate stuff online that they have half a brain cell (not literally obviously) and made up a new language (rizz, glazing, gyatt, skibidi, ect)
People these days relay on devices and modern technology so much that they've gotten so lazy and don't have motivation to do anything and even though I don't know what the 90s and 80s were like, I bet they were a lot better than this, not in terms of technology and modernization but how life and people were.(if anyone here is a millennial, please tell me how your childhood was like compared to today) phones and devices in general have negative effects on the brain with an impairment on its development and a huge drop in attention span. (Looking at you TikTok)
People are more isolated and depressed than ever before with little to no emotional or social intelligence. They're always glued to screens with an average screen time of 7-8 hours a day (not sure about the stats to be honest) I'm willing to bet my life that a few decades ago, people always socialized with one another and kids went out and played together, not stayed inside on their phones and tablets.
(This is unrelated but politicians today are so corrupt and only want power and nothing else, not the betterment of the people, country or economy, correct me if i'm wrong but I think this is all throughout history and not just today. I haven't done much research regarding modern politics but I can touch on that deeper in another post)
Back to what I was saying, life today is just you going to work, returning home, eating lunch, then just chilling on your phone untill you go to bed then wake up and do the same thing all over again, you don't even spend time or socialize with anyone. I'm guessing that during the mid to late 20th century, it was the same thing, just with more social interaction and no technology which means that you could do more useful activities like exercising or reading a book.
(My hate spans from social media to technology to society, and even politics)
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not any better than today's kids, but I'm trying my best to do better things than procrastinating and being lazy. I want to hear your opinion on everything I wrote in this mini essay.
Thank You for your time

So this is a long and weird story... I'll try to keep it short, but buckle up.
I was with my ex from 2018 to June/July 2023, so quite a while. I broke up with him last summer because it felt like I was begging for the bare minimum, he wouldn't move out with me, and I felt like we were just headed nowhere and that I wasn't valued. However to be clear, I never wanted to lose him. I felt more or less cornered into breaking up with him because I spent years waiting for more and it was breaking me down. After our breakup we still talked frequently and it still felt as though he was my best friend, and I'll admit we still slept together often- the only change was I felt freed from being disappointed by him on a romantic relationship front. Fast forward to January 2024, and he randomly told me one day that he needed to shut down all social media and ghost me for a few days because "something bad happened", but that he loved me very much and would explain when he could. At this time I came to find out through a facebook group and through other women that he cheated on me with at LEAST 4-5 women (that I know of) throughout our relationship. And not only that, but I found out a girl he was seeing for 10 months (prior to me dumping him) broke it off with him because she found out he had a girlfriend... but that girlfriend she was referring to wasn't me. It was another girl. He was dating AND MOVED IN WITH another girl BEFORE I BROKE UP WITH HIM. And keep in mind, one of the main reasons I broke up with him was because he wouldn't move in with me.
Anyway... he created a secret snapchat, complete with a username that is the nickname he calls me, to continue talking to me behind her back. He finally fessed up to dating and living with this other person while still in a relationship with me, among others. I didn't keep quiet and let all these other women know that he was with me the whole time he saw each and every one of them. So to my knowledge, she knows I was in the picture long before her and basically the entirety of their relationship, but she didn't break up with him. However I know for a fact she's not aware that he was sleeping with me all those months between our breakup and when I found this stuff out. And I know she's not aware he's still talking to me right now. He's gradually been trying to get close to me again and is basically still trying to cheat on her- because not all cheating is physical of course.
So... do I tell my ex's new girlfriend that he both has in the past and currently is trying to cheat on her with me?
Note: To be clear, I have not kept talking to him to crap on the new girl. I was with this man for years and had a loooot of questions I needed answers to and a lot of closure to get. Plus, as I said, he was my best friend. I took a long time to wrap my head around letting him go because loving someone doesn't stop in an instant. I would have never continued seeing him if I knew someone else was in the picture. Now I just feel bad that he's doing to this girl the exact same thing he did to me, and I wish someone had told me much sooner... that's why I wonder if I should tell her, even if that requires admitting that I've been talking with him all this time behind her back. I'm at the point where I'm done and don't want to be in the middle, but I don't feel like I owe him anything and should not be doing him any more favours by keeping his secret after everything he did to me.
TL;DR- was with my ex 2018-2023, continued seeing him after I dumped him, found out after the fact that he was dating someone else and moved in with her BEFORE I dumped him which means I also found out that basically the table flipped and he was now cheating on her with me, even after this was all found out he continued to talk to me on a secret snapchat. I'm wondering if I should tell the new girlfriend that he's been talking to me and also cheated on her with me because I'm certain she doesn't know. I'm at the point where I'm done and don't want to be in the middle, but I don't feel like I owe him anything and should not be doing him any more favours by keeping his secret after everything he did to me.

TW: SA Heads up it’s a long post
AITA for telling my whole family by a family Facebook post about how my sisters fiancé sexually assaulted me? Here’s some back story.
My sister (mid 20s) and her or was her fiancé (early 30s?) have been together for years and have have known each other since she was around 15. I’ve been around him since I was 4 as he used to be my neighbour and my sister’s friend (he was dating another woman back then and was also having kids at the time). I always felt off about him even being only 4 and turns out I was right. Growing up I had full grown adults joking about me having a “crush” on him (a full grown adult man btw” and that always made me feel uneasy.
Just before I turned 18 last year I had a massive breakup with my almost 2 year boyfriend while also grieving a loss of a love one (my exs dad). While we were going through the breakup process (was still 17) my sisters fiancé started to get weird and my ex had to reply to him while we were breaking up as well. I then turned 18 and things got worse (I won’t be going into detail). I briefly told my mum that he was being weird and flirty but I told her not to tell my sister at least not yet as I was already going through so much. He then started sending me inappropriate pictures and saying inappropriate things and much worse things that is a bit much for anyone to hear. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to A hurt my sister and B thought people wouldn’t believe me anyways. This went on for months.
Then it started happening in person. So I finally broke to my sister one night after it had gotten worse. I had small proof but not enough proof. I had screenshots of him telling me about his sex life and also screenshotted me telling him I would tell her about everything that happened with him also threatening me if I did. None of that was enough. She even said I was the one flirting and messaging him which was actually the other way around. I did text him a few times to make sure he was ok after bad medical episodes though. She pushed my mum away for not telling her as well as myself. A couple weeks after she did break up with him but really not much was different they are and we’re still hanging out. They have a kid together so he goes there for his kid apparently but he’s there a lot more than that. I also seen pictures of them hanging out and being really close.
Yesterday I was thinking about the situation a lot. I was thinking about how my whole family was still hanging around him without many issues. I was thinking about how immediate family wasn’t telling other family and family friends what was really happening. I was thinking about how everyone was painting my sister as the victim and nobody cared to reach out to me. I was thinking about how other girls and maybe even kids could get affected. I was thinking about how I’m only 19 going through all of this. I got really angry with how I was being treated and made a rash decision to make a post on my Facebook saying “For my family deciding to hide the truth.. The fact you let your own daughter,sister and etc be sexually harassed by “family”and just move on and pretend nothing happened disgusting. The fact you can all hang out and pretend you're family with him is disgusting. To hardly believe me in the first place with proof is digusting. I'm done hiding the truth about everything that affects me in my life so people can look "good". This is not ok. Get mad at me for telling people? Maybe you should've cared about what I went through. Barely 18 getting harassed by an almost 30 yr old. I’m done being quiet about peoples behaviour (in general). It’s mentally and physically draining”.
After posting this I didn’t know whether to regret it or not. My aunty messaged me to say that he has to be around for the kids and that’s they need to for good parenting. I explained they weren’t hanging around just for his and even so is he good for the kids?. She ignored me. I then had my mum call me dozens of times but I ignored it. She messaged me to say that her, dad and my other sister don’t agree with what’s happening but I feel actions speak louder than words and that it’s almost hard to believe. My mum had also told me something I didn’t know which was that my sister messaged my ex when I first told her and probably to ask about the messages between him and my sisters fiancé I was angry about that because we had been broken up and no contact (still are) for at least a year and she knew everything I went through with him. My dad messaged me to see if I was ok maybe he is feeling the same as me I don’t know. A couple weeks ago he went to talk to my sister about being civil with me and to get along even with the situation going on so maybe my dad is on my side but again I don’t know and wish the actions were bigger than the words. After small texts back to them I decided to go to sleep.
Today I woke up to my sister telling me she’s cutting all ties with me altogether and we are basically no longer sisters etc she also said the same for my nephew (only 3 years old). she then went on to say how I was slandering my nephews father publicly on Facebook and that it wasn’t ok. She then went onto say that I didn’t have any real “proof” yes she used those marks. She said I will no longer be able to see my nephew again who’s only 3 btw. She then said “ if you think I’m going to allow him (nephew) around someone who is publicly bashing and slandering his father on Facebook, you have another thing coming. Felt like a threat tbh. I didn’t fully know what to think and I still don’t. I pretty much ignored and didn’t reply to the message all I said is she’s not getting an argument out of me. I told my friends what was happening they didn’t listen and nobody really is. I do have therapy but there’s so much other stuff I need to talk to my therapist about and a therapist can’t fix my whole family. So was I wrong for the post I made? What do I do?

Am I wrong for telling my family publicly what happened?
TW: SA Heads up it’s a long post
AITA for telling my whole family by a family Facebook post about how my sisters fiancé sexually assaulted me? Here’s some back story.
My sister (mid 20s) and her or was her fiancé (early 30s?) have been together for years and have have known each other since she was around 15. I’ve been around him since I was 4 as he used to be my neighbour and my sister’s friend (he was dating another woman back then and was also having kids at the time). I always felt off about him even being only 4 and turns out I was right. Growing up I had full grown adults joking about me having a “crush” on him (a full grown adult man btw” and that always made me feel uneasy.
Just before I turned 18 last year I had a massive breakup with my almost 2 year boyfriend while also grieving a loss of a love one (my exs dad). While we were going through the breakup process (was still 17) my sisters fiancé started to get weird and my ex had to reply to him while we were breaking up as well. I then turned 18 and things got worse (I won’t be going into detail). I briefly told my mum that he was being weird and flirty but I told her not to tell my sister at least not yet as I was already going through so much. He then started sending me inappropriate pictures and saying inappropriate things and much worse things that is a bit much for anyone to hear. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to A hurt my sister and B thought people wouldn’t believe me anyways. This went on for months.
Then it started happening in person. So I finally broke to my sister one night after it had gotten worse. I had small proof but not enough proof. I had screenshots of him telling me about his sex life and also screenshotted me telling him I would tell her about everything that happened with him also threatening me if I did. None of that was enough. She even said I was the one flirting and messaging him which was actually the other way around. I did text him a few times to make sure he was ok after bad medical episodes though. She pushed my mum away for not telling her as well as myself. A couple weeks after she did break up with him but really not much was different they are and we’re still hanging out. They have a kid together so he goes there for his kid apparently but he’s there a lot more than that. I also seen pictures of them hanging out and being really close.
Yesterday I was thinking about the situation a lot. I was thinking about how my whole family was still hanging around him without many issues. I was thinking about how immediate family wasn’t telling other family and family friends what was really happening. I was thinking about how everyone was painting my sister as the victim and nobody cared to reach out to me. I was thinking about how other girls and maybe even kids could get affected. I was thinking about how I’m only 19 going through all of this. I got really angry with how I was being treated and made a rash decision to make a post on my Facebook saying “For my family deciding to hide the truth.. The fact you let your own daughter,sister and etc be sexually harassed by “family”and just move on and pretend nothing happened disgusting. The fact you can all hang out and pretend you're family with him is disgusting. To hardly believe me in the first place with proof is digusting. I'm done hiding the truth about everything that affects me in my life so people can look "good". This is not ok. Get mad at me for telling people? Maybe you should've cared about what I went through. Barely 18 getting harassed by an almost 30 yr old. I’m done being quiet about peoples behaviour (in general). It’s mentally and physically draining”.
After posting this I didn’t know whether to regret it or not. My aunty messaged me to say that he has to be around for the kids and that’s they need to for good parenting. I explained they weren’t hanging around just for his and even so is he good for the kids?. She ignored me. I then had my mum call me dozens of times but I ignored it. She messaged me to say that her, dad and my other sister don’t agree with what’s happening but I feel actions speak louder than words and that it’s almost hard to believe. My mum had also told me something I didn’t know which was that my sister messaged my ex when I first told her and probably to ask about the messages between him and my sisters fiancé I was angry about that because we had been broken up and no contact (still are) for at least a year and she knew everything I went through with him. My dad messaged me to see if I was ok maybe he is feeling the same as me I don’t know. A couple weeks ago he went to talk to my sister about being civil with me and to get along even with the situation going on so maybe my dad is on my side but again I don’t know and wish the actions were bigger than the words. After small texts back to them I decided to go to sleep.
Today I woke up to my sister telling me she’s cutting all ties with me altogether and we are basically no longer sisters etc she also said the same for my nephew (only 3 years old). she then went on to say how I was slandering my nephews father publicly on Facebook and that it wasn’t ok. She then went onto say that I didn’t have any real “proof” yes she used those marks. She said I will no longer be able to see my nephew again who’s only 3 btw. She then said “ if you think I’m going to allow him (nephew) around someone who is publicly bashing and slandering his father on Facebook, you have another thing coming. Felt like a threat tbh. I didn’t fully know what to think and I still don’t. I pretty much ignored and didn’t reply to the message all I said is she’s not getting an argument out of me. I told my friends what was happening they didn’t listen and nobody really is. I do have therapy but there’s so much other stuff I need to talk to my therapist about and a therapist can’t fix my whole family. So was I wrong for the post I made? What do I do?

Hello everyone! I’m looking to apply for 801/820 partner visa. I am an Australian citizen and my partner is a Chinese national. She was most recently on a graduate visa, but is now on a tourist visa (not sure which one exactly) but it’s expiring next month June 14th. I want to get her on a partner visa. We applied for the de facto status earlier this month on the 7th of may I believe. However, upon looking around the web, it seems like there isn’t a solid or definite answer for partner visa applications. My partner and I met last year in April. We started really talking to each other in may. She then went overseas for about two months returning at the end of July. We started dating on the 3rd of August. That period of time overseas, I spent a ridiculous amount of time constantly on call with her or just messaging her, even though we weren’t ’dating’ at that time. When she got back, she was renting by herself at a new place, and once we started dating I was constantly over during the day, and if not staying the night as well. (A lot of evidence). We went for our first trip overseas together for two weeks last September and prior to that I picked up a second job to manage/gather enough finances to support our relationship. We also had a few trips within NSW, to Canberra and Kiama and some few other places. Anyway, we had our first big holiday beginning of this year where we went overseas for 2 months where we spent all of it together. I also had the chance to meet her familiy and live with them for most of the trip. As soon as we got back, she stayed at my parents house for 2 months as we settled down and started getting back into routine. Fast forward to April, we finally moved in together. We also registered for a defacto relationship in may, have the receipt but awaiting processing time. I have a few questions: - How is each application assessed and is there anything big or specific I should consider? Do I have to consider biases or not? - our relationship has been short, and we are both very young. However we have both experience tremendous growth in individuality and mathrity and we can prove it - does time matter here then? - our defacto registration was only earlier this month and we are still awaiting the processing time to finish before we receive our certificate - this is something I am confused about - it says that we have to have been in a defacto relationship for 12 months on the official immigration website however other sites such as Facebook reddit and travel agencies say that this doesn’t matter - I would like to hear the different experiences people have had with this step
I know this is an extremely long list of questions and I feel like the majority has already been answered however i think if I keep snooping around the internet and just seeing different answers and opinions it kind of stuffs up the approach I should take towards this, so I just decided to ask myself. Really sorry for taking up your time and any reply/advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks everyone !!

🪞
Welcome back to the Asylum write-up, where we explore the decade-long slow-motion car crash that is the Emilie Autumn fandom.
Sorry this installment took so long to upload! Just a heads-up, I may take some time to deliver the last one too – these posts take forever to format on Reddit's finicky-ass editor, and my dumb real life is currently keeping me from precious Internet time. Thank you for your patience! You have my word that everyone who pre-ordered the final installment will receive a PERSONAL, HANDWRITTEN letter autographed and illustrated by me, a list of the snacks I consumed while composing this write-up, some exclusive behind-the-scenes secrets, and a pony.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 – Part 4.2 Part 5

Places, everyone This is a test Throw your stones Do your damage Your worst, and your best (...) And if I had a dollar For every time I repented the sin And commit the same crime I'd be sitting on top of the world today (“God Help Me”, 2006🎵)

Quick recap of where we left off. First, there were five to ten halcyon years of pleasant and meaningful interactions between EA and her blossoming fanbase, prominently by way of her official forum. Then, circa 2009-2010, EA's online presence shifted towards sudden anger outbursts, ban-hammering, and an increasingly top-down communication style.
This created a sort of primordial rift within the fanbase, between those who supported EA's right to speak her mind and regulate her own fan spaces however she pleased – and those who thought that her reactions were rude and inappropriate (at best), and that even fan spaces should allow for reasonable, non-abusive criticism of the artist.
Between a poorly-handled book release (see Part 3), the controversial (Part 2) or dubiously true (Part 4) contents of said book, and serious shade from various former collaborators (Part 5), more and more fans had pressing thoughts about EA's work ethic and choices. EA attempted damage control through drastic forum rules that made it virtually impossible to voice any “serious” critical opinion. It didn't work, of course: instead of squashing the mutiny, she created a schism.
Critical fans and active haters started congregating on unofficial platforms.

“WITH MUFFINS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?”: TROLL LIKE A GIRL

So here we were, the early 2010s. The official forum (which had about 700 members in 2006, if you recall) was now thousands-strong, reaching just over 12,000 registered users in 2012 – not all of them active, but still. In terms of sheer numbers and content creation, the party was POPPIN'... but increasingly in parts of the Asylum that escaped EA's jurisdiction, such as Tumblr, where they could speak their mind freely.

You play the victim very well You've built your self-indulgent hell You wanted someone to understand you Well, be careful what you wish for, because I do (“I Know Where You Sleep”, 2006🎵)

In one wing of Asylum Tumblr, a smattering of call-out blogs emerged, which laid out EA's various lies, faux pas, shitty takes, and general deep-seated terribleness in detailed timelines and screenshots (or, short of that, long-winded bullet points). While many such blogs framed it as “serious” whistleblowing and did their best to remain as fact-based and neutral as they could, there was some genuine disgust, animosity and creepiness towards EA on that side of Tumblr; for some ex-fans, “exposing the truth” was mostly justify obsessive hatred, prying and verbal abuse. Some, for instance, felt the bizarre need to side with EA's mother in their estrangement. (One user, with the URL “emilyautumnfischkopf”, argued in a serious and down-to-earth tone - but with zero sources - that EA's upbringing had been nothing but peaceful and supportive until she ungratefully kicked her loving family to the curb for no reason at all. They were later revealed 🔍 to have an alternate handle as “eaisalyingcunt”.)
Either way, through these blogs, a number of potential drama bombs that had mostly flown under the radar were dredged up from over the years – some of which were hard to ignore, even for supportive fans. Where to begin?
There was that nonsense in-joke song, captured twice on camera during the 2009 tour (to very little outrage, at the time), crassly called “Manatee Retard”📺. Or EA's scathing response, in print, to a wheelchair user who found it insensitive that she used a bedazzled wheelchair as a prop to do sexy acrobatics on stage. (“Your offence taken at my hard-won self-acceptance proves that I indeed have something to fight against”, she wrote). Spoken word tracks where she made trivializing knock-knock jokes about serious mental illnesses she didn't have, like schizophrenia and OCD. Multiple instances of calling Britney Spears a “bimbo” and a “Hollywood fucked-up”, resentfully claiming that she only shaved her head because she was “hopped up on drugs” and certainly not because she was “bipolar”, a word the press liked to wield as an insult anyway. (“That's almost like calling someone a retard!” Yeah, heaven forbid.) The meanest, most distasteful paragraphs in the book. Basically everything problematic EA had ever said or written.📝 In retrospect, it had been a long time coming, but it was a lot to take in – and certainly more off-putting, even to less emotionally invested fans, than silly lies about her age and last name.
In another wing of Asylum Tumblr, some fans had had it up to here and just wanted to have fun. 🎵 If Plague Rats had learned one valuable lesson from EA, it was how to crack a joke in the face of absurd tragedy – and the general state of the EA fandom certainly warranted a few.
In 2012, Fight Like a Girl was released. After six long years, three of which had been peaceful, the Opheliac era was officially over. The new album and ensuing tour confirmed that the Asylum had entered a process of glamorous Broadway-style militarization. 🎵📺
The mood board was “Roman general meets Vegas showgirl meets Victorian street urchin”.🪞 The color palette was, to naysayers, “musty pink and rotten, stale piss yellow”. 🐀 The keyword was “REVENGE” (through the power of... self-expression! sorority! brutal assault with rusty medical implements!). The chorus of the title song had an intriguing run-on line about getting “revenge on the world, or at least 49% of the people in it” 🎵 – which seemed like an awful lot, and was widely interpreted (to cheers, boos, or uncomfortable sighs) as a misandrist jab at literally all men on Earth.
The show was essentially a demo version of the musical, in that the setlist vaguely reflected the order of events in the story – but prior reading was essential in order to get what the hell was going on on stage. This one Broadway reviewer had not perused the literature before seeing the show 🔍, and hated: the set, the choreography, the skits, the plot, the lyrics, the music, the concept. (Seriously, you should read the review. It's not even my show and I feel like quitting show business.)
Pre-show VIP encounters, now violin-free, were lorded over by EA's new manager🐀, whose official title was “Asylum Headmistress”. (Interesting choice – she sounds fun!) The swag bags were less substantial than before, and the “greet” part of the meet-and-greet was rarely more than a quick hug and photo op.
On Twitter, EA continued to embrace her “I am very badass” fronting attitude...

Often wonder if cyberbullies r aware they’re fucking w/ a girl who’s BFs w/ maker of the SAW films & is marrying a knife-throwing scorpion. (🐀📝)

...and her taste for needlessly inflammatory statements. About an aisle sign in a supermarket:

If this does not infuriate you, then you're a fucking potato.

(Again with the confounding crypto-ableism, EA! 🔍) She also went through a phase of raging against Lady Gaga 📝, who had stolen her idea of using a wheelchair on stage as an able-bodied woman. 🔍 That failed to convince anyone that she wasn't the histrionic diva that haters made her out to be.
Spurred on by EA's rallying cries and “us vs them” mentality, loyalists turned the white-knighting up to 11. On Twitter, some Plague Rats got into cat fights with Lady Gaga's Little Monsters (what a time to be alive). Others tried to balance out the Tumblr negativity with initiatives like “Spreading a Plague of Love” – a “positive-only” confession blog, whose extreme fangirling, comically drastic rules and hyper-defensive tone📝 did not debunk the increasingly popular notion that “true Plague Rats” were a bunch of authoritarian and hopelessly brainwashed fanatics.
EA truthers and other anti-fans started lashing out at anyone who dared express any positive opinion of EA, solidifying claims that the backlash against EA was just a conspiracy of bitter, hysterical bullies.
All this to say: every passing day brought new reasons for fans to get mad at EA and each other, and everyone in the Asylum was in need of a laugh. It's not easy having a good time.🦠
Leading up to Fight Like a Girl and in the years that followed, user-submission-based meme blogs took off, most notably “Spreading a Plague of Lulz / Troll Like a Girl”. A lot of the early submissions were absurdist humor and toothless, cheezburger-Impact memes (a style that was, oddly, already dated at the time). Those often originated in good fun, and from loyal fans, on the official forum. But there was also true snark, satirizing EA's questionable ethics, outrageous claims, and easily spoofed artistic gimmicks. A new slang of Asylumspeak emerged: Glittertits (slight NSFW), GAGA!!, EA Gusta and all its memeface variants, Get outta mah house!, Are You Suffering?, Fight Like A Goat, [Random celebrity] copied EA (a subgenre in its own right), ...
Most of the “trolling” was directed at unrepentant bootlickers and, to a lesser extent, red-in-the-face haters and creeps. Meme blogs would post joke comments under “serious” or gushing submissions on Wayward Victorian Confessions, and taunt loyalist accounts by tagging them in their posts. When a few people complained on WVC that almost all of the Bloody Crumpets to date had been thin white able-bodied women, and a few fans responded by sharing their dream-casts for a more diverse line-up, the blog was flooded for days with confessions that “X should be a Crumpet” (candidates included RuPaul, Mitt Romney, Nicki Minaj, EA's therapist, and the WVC admins). Farcical shenanigans like that.
Ah, but some people will always cross the line, won't they. EA threads popped up on merciless, bully-friendly snark platforms like Lolcow, Pretty Ugly Little Liar, and Encyclopedia Dramatica. Snarkers with a mean streak and obsessive haters mingled in some of the more aggressive, 4-chan-spirited retaliation against EA – which would be called “brigading” in modern parlance. This included flooding EA's Goodreads page with one-star reviews (see part 4), repeatedly editing her Wikipedia page to include her legal name and birth year, and ensuring that Googling said name would bring up current pictures of her.
All of this compounded agitation fragmented the once-united fandom beyond recognition.🦠 Through substantial disagreements among fans, personal bickerings, layers upon layers of inscrutable in-jokes, and cross-platform telephone games, the Asylum morphed into a booby-trapped Escher room.
Satire blogs were taken in earnest. Earnest fan blogs scanned as satire. Memes would get called out as abuse. Appreciation without attached criticism would get mocked as bootlicking. Obvious jokes made by EA would be taken at face value. One divisive confession could trigger days and days of debate, to the point that WVC eventually banned confessions in response to other confessions. New waves of infighting created a confusing web of rival sub-factions🐀, each accusing the others of being toxic, cliquish, and delusional.
The shared fantasy was broken, the collective vision had crumbled, no onez was speaking the same language anymore. Fans would jump down the throat of other fans who held almost identical views about EA, except for that one thing she said or did that one time. Everyone had differing thoughts on what should or shouldn't acceptable to discuss, question, excuse, make fun of.
War is hell.

SCORCHED EARTH SHENANIGANS: HONEY, I SHRUNK THE ASYLUM

Would you tear my castle down Stone by stone And let the wind run through my windows Till there was nothing left But a battered rose? (“Castle Down”, 2003🎵)

Haters vs sycophants is not really the kind of conflict where one side can come out on top (if you're participating, you've already lost). But in the long tug-of-war between “grassroots” and “EA-sponsored” fan spaces, the ultimate winner is obvious – in that the former is gasping in agony, a shriveled husk of its former glory, while the latter... is non-existent. This is due in no small part to EA's tendency, like the Czars of old, to settle conflicts by setting Moscow on fire.🔍)
That's not entirely fair: unlike EA, the czar only did it that once.
By early 2013, as EA was gearing up for her third Fight Like a Girl tour at the end of the year, the official forum was... not as lively as it once had been. Not just because of the stifling rules and disgruntlement towards EA, or because EA herself hadn't really posted anything on there in years; the Internet was also changing, and forums in general were fast becoming passé.
This made it difficult for EA to create a safe space where she could talk to fans, and fans could talk to and about her, in a way she deemed suitable (ie, a space she could gate-keep and regulate enough to keep it completely free from negative criticism). Social media was a minefield; she still posted regularly, but didn't interact very much. So EA and the Headmistress came up with a way to filter out the unbelievers: an official fan club📝, aptly called the “Asylum Army”, with a $100 entry price.
Joining the AA came with a dog tag, a sew-on patch, and a lifetime membership certificate signed by EA and – for some reason – the Headmistress. (Unlike EA's best friend and sound engineer back in the forum's heyday, I don't think fans ever really embraced the FLAG-era manager as part of the Asylum in-group. She came across more as a coordinator / businessperson / adult chaperone, at best.🐀) So, slightly better goodies than you'd get by joining the other AA 🔍 ... but not by much. The main appeal was that members would have access to exclusive content, special merch, giveaways, early bird tickets for future shows, and regular video chats with EA.
The concept itself drew a fair amount of criticism, as you can imagine. Between the name🐀, the price, and the inherent gatekeeping of a pay-to-join fanclub, many balked at the monetizing of a concept that had once (like, three years back) been significantly more DIY, grassroots, and inclusive. 📝🐀
Then again, many also longed for a positive, drama-free space where fans could just be fans. And while the creation of the AA was generally recognized as a quick cashgrab, a lot of people were surprisingly cool with it. EA was trying to finance her dream musical, after all – although a number of fans wished she had gone about raising funds in a less sketchy way.
So around 400 fans shelled out (which, according to the Headmistress📝, “basically cover[ed] the cost of running the fanclub itself – keeping the database up, website, etc.”). Enough for a close-knit, but sizable community. But already, there was a conflict of interest: a high fanclub entry fee essentially demands that you pledge loyalty to the artist over loyalty to your fellow fans, who wish to join but can't afford to. Sharing, caring, and ensuring no one felt left out were some of the more positive values cultivated in the fandom... but leaking exclusive content would surely piss off other paying members🐀, and make EA feel betrayed all over again. (And she had barely just started to mellow out on social media!)
...But then again, this is the internet. After the first month of secret AA drops (lyric sheets, some photoshoot outtakes – nothing too juicy, really), there were, yes, some leaks. EA was predictably miffed, and retaliated by... ghosting the fanclub for weeks at a time in its first few months of existence (great look!). She eventually found the “solution” to her problem, by providing something you couldn't right-click-save (and which had been part of the promised perks to begin with): live interaction.
Over webcam, she was her usual in-person bubbly, charming, funny self. Everyone seemingly had a good time during the fanclub video chat, and this gave people faith and hope.
There were a few more events, giveaways, etc. As promised, ahead of the fall 2013 tour (the last one to date, it would turn out), AA members got priority access to show tickets and VIP bundles. The latter were much pricier than before, and only included soundcheck, a photo-op, and three goodies: a tin of loose-leaf tea, a signed printer-paper setlist, and a small flag that said “F.L.A.G.”.🔍 Some stuff continued to leak – but, as some of the outlaws pointed out (scroll down to the Disqus comments), they were mostly relaying information that was relevant to the entire fanbase, such as updates about ongoing projects (the dragged-out recording of the audiobook, for one).
In early 2014, lifetime memberships were closed, and replaced with monthly, quarterly and yearly subscription tiers. Bizarrely, you ended up paying $3 more per month if you bought a $99 yearly subscription📝 – but it did include the patch, dog tag, and piece of paper!

Sometimes I kind of want to be part of the cool kids and register to the Asylum Army. Then I remember how it came about, what you could get for the same price a couple years ago, how the whole thing was and is handled, and that I won’t support any of this bullshit. (And then I roll around naked in all the money I’m saving.) (🐀)

Still, a number of fans rejoiced at the affordable monthly option, and joined – if not for the exclusive content and merch (which were... okay, but not much to write home about), then for the friendly, drama-free exchanges with an artist they actually did love, in spite of all the frustration.
For the still-too-poor or still-undecided, there was always the forum! It wasn't as active as it used to be, but a few die-hards still managed to keep the lights on... until, inevitably, Someone Did Something and Ruined Everything. (Once again: EA's wrath is spectacular, but rarely completely unprovoked.) The incident features one notable figure in the Asylum community. Let's call him the Collector.
OK, so maybe you remember the meme I linked to in Part 4, with Christian Grey and the ginormous EA hoard. Well, that's the Collector's collection. The “Violin” promo that I called the "Holy Grail of the fandom" in the same paragraph? Also his. The handwritten lyrics that went for $940? Guess who won that auction. Over the years, the Collector had probably spent five figures on EA merch and shows, and although that fact was a little unsettling, he was a very active, easy-going, and generally well-liked fixture of the fandom.
One day in 2012, shortly after the Headmistress had replaced EA's old Chicago BFF as main forum admin, the Collector's account got banned or restricted over something dumb. When the ban wasn't lifted as quickly as he hoped, he took it... the way one takes things when one is unhealthily invested: he started spamming Headmistress and the mod team with increasingly rambling and abusive emails (lost to time, probably for the best). When that didn't work quickly enough, he tried a different route.
One of the many auctions that the Collector had won, some years prior, was EA's old iPod Touch📝 – which contained all of her favorite tunes and, buried somewhere in the data cache... a phone number. Which the Collector tried calling. And wouldn't you know it: EA picked up. She congratulated him on his sleuthing skills, listened patiently as he made his case, apologized for any distress caused by the unfair account restriction, and then they got married.
Kidding! She freaked the fuck out, hung up, and banned him for life from the forum and all EA shows and events.
After his ban, the Collector allegedly still tried to attend at least one VIP pre-show (one source in the comments says he was allowed to buy some merch, refunded for his ticket, and escorted out). He joined the Reform forum to bitch about EA and try to rally people to his cause, possibly made revenge posts about her on darker snark forums, and continued to hound the Asylum mod team. So in June 2014, EA came up with a radical and unexpected fix to the Collector problem.

The official Asylum Fan Forum has been shut down permanently. I have personally paid thousands of dollars each year to keep the forum safe and secure for you ... Unfortunately, the forum has not been kept safe and secure for me, a truth which disappoints me greatly, instead becoming a place where people who have physically threatened myself and my staff prey upon forum members, pressuring them to contact me and my staff on their behalf. If the gullible wish to humor my stalkers (who live in their parent’s basement at age 30 something) and thus put me in danger, they may do it on their own dime. They may also fuck off, because stupidity can kill, and I won’t be your victim. To those who enjoyed the forum, you know who to thank for its closure. (“On the closing of the Asylum Forum”)

Voilà! This is how a decade-long archive of shared history ends: not with a bang, but with a dirty delete and a sod-off communiqué.
The obliteration of the forum took everyone by surprise...

I was actually on the forum when it was taken down. I was navigating between posts and when I went to click on a different board, an error message came up. I honestly cried a little, I'm not ashamed to say. (WVC admin on Reddit, 2024)

...and I do mean everyone:

Chicago BFF / ex-admin, the next morning: Whoa, EA forum shut down? Ex-mod: It turns out that if someone spends enough years actively “waging war” to destroy what they can’t have, eventually they’ll be successful. * eye roll * Not even mods got prior warning. Just all the sudden, poof, gone. BFF: Really? She did not let the moderators know?! This is sounding worse and worse. Uggh. I’m so sorry. Such a loss. (...) Ok, threats are serious, but why not just put it in archive mode so no one can post? (...) Sad. I shall light a candle in the forum's honor. (Facebook posts; scroll down for screenshots)

It was a gut punch, especially for people who had poured countless hours into the community, or could have used some prior warning to save years of their own writing from the role-playing threads. One last chance to take a look around the place that had meant so much to so many.

From the wording of the announcement of closing the forum and a number of other things, it sometimes seems like EA doesn't like her fans much. :/ (🐀)

Three months after the forum was nuked, Battered Rose (a venerable EA fansite, which had been around since the Enchant era and had one of the most complete EA galleries online) announced that it was shutting down too.📝 The admin, who had also been a long-time forum mod, cited a lack of “time, energy, passion, or money” to keep the website going... and being upset at the sudden disappearance of the forum. It was, truly, the end of an era for the Asylum.
...Well, no point in living in the past. For those who could afford it, and still wanted to talk to/about EA after that (not everyone did 🐀), there was always the Asylum Army fanclub!
Over the summer of 2014, EA held regular live chats and Q&A's, and... many attendees really enjoyed them, and thought the AA was well worth the money after all. She also quietly parted ways with the much poo-pooed Headmistress around that time.

Just spent over 4 hours giggling, drinking tea and playing guessing games in chat with EA and other Asylum Army members ... No griping, no downers, just lots of fun. I think I like the way the ‘new fandom’ is going and now I’m really glad I finally decided to join the Army. (September 4, 2014🐀; Battered Rose had closed the day before)

The forum was lost forever, but perhaps that was a chance for a fresh start. Could this fanclub thing really be the Asylum Renaissance that fans had been longing for?

...I have come today to a very difficult but necessary decision, and that is to discontinue the Emilie Autumn Official Fanclub. The site itself, and the community chatroom, will remain open to you indefinitely, but I will no longer be making updates to the site. (Newsletter, September 8, 2014📝)

...Never mind, then.
Turns out the fanclub had been the Headmistress' idea all along. EA had been reluctant from the start, and although she really enjoyed the live chats with a safe community of people “who are there for the right reasons”, she couldn't overcome her fundamental discomfort with the concept. Lifetime and regular members would receive a bunch of digital downloads and a -35% coupon on the Asylum Emporium for their troubles. EA said she would definitely pop back once in a while for live chats, for free, just for fun, but to my knowledge, she never did.
And so the most devoted fans were left standing in the rain...

She is happy, she made it. She is fulfilling her dreams, found love and happiness after all the pain. I understand that she now doesn’t need “us” anymore ... That doesn’t change the fact she broke my heart with taking the Asylum Army and the forum from me. Yet, I am happy for her. (🐀)

...while naysayers pointed and laughed, Nelson-style.🦠

I don’t feel sorry at all for the people that paid for the Asylum Army fan club. Most of them knew that EA is an atrocious business woman and has broken many promises before. In fact, I laugh at them. They seriously thought that EA would actually stay consistent with this? (🐀)

EVERYTHING MUST GO: THE ASYLUM WHOLESALE

EA fans were left without an “official” home for about three years. This gave them plenty of time to be annoyed at EA for: not releasing the audiobook on time, not materializing any new project for a while... and the new sin of peddling random, ridiculously marked-up AliBaba jewelry as “merch” on her official store. Think faux-antique cameo pendants and $30 Big Ben rings (...because the Asylum story is set in London, get it?).

The whole accessories section looks like a tacky overpriced English souvenir shop. (🐀)

The fanbase lost a lost of steam in those in-between years, because there wasn't much to stick around for. As evidenced by the positive reception of the AA live chats, even in the midst of unresolved drama, out-loud interactions in a friendly environment have always been EA's saving grace. Considering the amount of online hate, there are shockingly few accounts of bad IRL encounters with EA: most people say that in live conversation, she comes across as a fun, warm, and genuinely sweet person. Some report that their negative opinion shifted after meeting her.
But there were no chats or live shows anymore. There was only social media, where she ignored questions and vague-posted about overdue projects – and the newsletter📝, which was all saccharine love-bombing to promote bland dropshipped trinkets. For fans who remembered the handcrafted merch (and two-way communication) of the early years, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

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hello all,
i will give more context later in the post, but for people who don't want to read all of that mess: what do you do about a pwBPD trying to break up your relationships/friendships because you "don't pay attention enough to them anymore"? my partner already recognizes the abuse so there's not really a risk of me getting broken up with, but i'm worried about the pwBPD reaching out to our mutual friends. i'm mostly afraid that our mutual friends are going to think i'm trying to control the narrative or cover something up or anything weird like that? which is kind of ironic because it's what she's doing already, i just don't want to be forced to get on her level lol. at this point im so done with this pwBPD i don't care what they think of me, just would really like to keep my other friends.
i'm thinking about just asking my friends something like: "hey if this friend (pwBPD) messages you trying to talk badly about me or my partner, can you let me know so i can talk to her some more? it's something we're trying to handle privately between us 3 but unfortunately we found out she's already talking about us behind our backs to other people so we would really appreciate it if you ignored it for now if it comes up. i'm so sorry about any stress this might cause you, please let me know if you want to talk more about it" or something along those lines. i don't want to give them too much information or anything out of respect of everyone's time and privacy but i wonder if giving more details would help? is this a good start or would you guys recommend saying something else?
more details, you don't really have to read past this point but it helps for background information & gets into detail of the abusive behaviors:
it's just such a huge mess i just wish i never met this person. she's trying to get my partner kicked out of their housing situation already, and turning their other school friends against them to the point where my partner might have to move back in with their parents. she was originally introduced to me by my partner and they had been best friends for a really long while so they cry to my partner every day like "how can you be dating someone that hates your best friend", demanding my partner come home from doing stuff with me to 'help' her with the stupidest stuff like going to a routine doctor visit (??) or fixing her laptop, etc. and she will throw fits and say stuff like "friends sometimes just have to do things they don't want to help their friends or even just make them happy for a little while" when all this person does is scream at my partner at this point. and then when i try to talk to her too so she leaves my partner alone (we were never really too close to start with) she just brings up our relationship and says stupid things like "so how's *that* working out for you" or asking really weird invasive sexual questions? it's part of the reason i'm scared to talk about it with friends - i'm worried if they ask me for proof of what this person is doing i'll have to show them all the awkward texts of her being weirdly sexual and i don't want my friends thinking about what me and my partner do in private haha 😅 it's almost like she o*nly *spews sexual-related abuse over text and then keeps the rest in-person or over the phone so we don't have any proof against her that wouldn't be extremely awkward. it's really sickening to me how quickly she turned on us when she has been stable / on medication / in therapy for so long. i almost wonder if she was interested in one or both of us romantically/sexually or something and us deciding to date put her over the edge... she seems really fixated on me specifically despite never making any real effort to talk to me 🤷‍♂️ besides occasionally sending me tiktoks, but she sends them to me on the tiktok app... which she knows i have had uninstalled for almost a year now? really confusing and frustrating person, she will also try to bait people into talking to her through vague facebook statuses and typical passive aggressive stuff like that, but never outright ask anyone besides my partner (her 'best friend') to hang out with her because she thinks everyone else hates her 🙄 i didn't hate her at first, but now it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy for her
my partner originally tried to reassure me that she wouldn't do anything like this but she's clearly already started, so we're trying to figure out what to do and i figured it would be best to ask here. thank you guys (sorry for formatting / english too, and how this got a little rant-y)

In 2016 I was near Barcelona with some friends on a summer camp. We met 2 lovely local girls, called Paula and Dona/Donna. We exchanged info and I had been in contact with Paula for a couple years, until 2019 or so. But now I lost all her socials…
Paula lived in Figueres, a town near Barcelona and the French border. She was like best friends with Dona.
Any ideas on how I could find Paula? I saw some Facebook groups for Figueres, but it was more for trading stuff than connecting with people.
Pretty sure she has instagram. But whatever hashtags I try, I cannot find her account. I’m 22, she should be 23 now I think. Last time we spoke she had a boyfriend.
I know how she looks like more or less and she’ll recognize me too. That’s all the info I have. Any ideas on trying to find her? It just seems like fun to reconnect. Thanks!

So I am recently pregnant and both my husband and I are anti social media. We do not have any social at all and don't plan on having any in the future. Now for WIBTA is that my mom is addicted to Facebook. She posts anything and everything on there. Most of it is super personal stuff and I've asked her in the past to not post about me but I heard from other family members about it. I hate it with a passion and she doesn't understand. I want to tell her I'm pregnant but to also never post anything about my kid and future kids. I don't want their faces out there or anything personal. I know she'll take it wrong because she's very emotional and goes straight to playing victim. I just don't know how to go about it.

I (17F) have been trying to distance myself from my extremely narcissistic and abusive parents (60sM/F) for years, but they just won't leave me alone. They have made my life a living hell.
From the day I was born, my parents have always made everything about them. They constantly put me down, criticized my every move, and made me feel like I could never do anything right. My mother would often call me a "disappointment" and say I was "born to fail." My father would mockingly tell me I was "so sensitive" and "needed to grow a thicker skin."
Any time I tried stand up to them, they would throw massive tantrums, threaten me, and guilt trip me until I gave in. My mother would scream that I was an "ungrateful brat" who was "ruining the family." My father would angrily declare that I was "dead to them" if I didn't obey.
They would call me names like "useless," "pathetic," and "a burden." They accused me of being selfish, ungrateful, and a terrible daughter. If I ever disagreed with them or tried to have my own opinions, they would yell and scream that I was being "disrespectful" and "betraying the family."
They have also been financially abusive, refusing to let me be independent. They control my finances, monitor my bank account, and threaten to cut me off if I don't comply with their demands. When I tried to get a job, they made my life a living hell until I gave up, saying I would "never survive on my own" and was "too stupid and helpless" to take care of myself.
Most recently, they t have been getting worse by using my saved up money I inherited/worked for, and even trying to get my friends and coworkers to convince me to stay with them forever and threatens me if I don't. The stress and anxiety has become unbearable.
I've had enough. Last week, I finally blocked their numbers, and walked out of the house as they threw all sorts of stuff at me, yelling hurtful things etc. I am currently at my best friend's house and I am trying to focus on graduating school and saving money.
Now my parents are blowing up my email, Facebook, and coming into my job calling me a "horrible, ungrateful daughter" who "owes them everything." They're claiming I'm overreacting and that I'm the one being abusive by cutting them out. They say I'm being cruel and selfish, and that I'll "never amount to anything" without them.
Am I the asshole for finally going no-contact with my abusive, narcissistic parents? I feel like I have no other choice for my own mental health and safety, but they're making me feel so guilty.
Can anyone give me advice?

Tier List: https://imgur.com/a/SPm0Fjl
This one hits different. Right from the start, with those ominous vocals giving the whole thing a feeling of foreboding and momentousness. Donald Trump lurking around the stage for his titlecard, even staying onscreen as his titlecard goes away is hilarious and a great visual touch. Then we get Hillary sitting in her debate chair; this battle committing so hard to a location both rappers are present in is pretty unique.
"I've been in this game too long; I'm a public servant! Have been since I met MLK in person!" Serviceable opening on paper, but the guest actor, Kimmy Gatewood, makes it stick out with her performance. Love the intensity of her voice and facial expressions. "I'm a woman of the people; that's for certain. You're a man of the people who don't like turbans!" This is a great line, very accurate, and I love the look on Hillary's face. "I was living in the West Wing while you were professional wrestling. Got skin like Russian dressing from too much Russian investing!" Good lines, in particular I really dig the Russian dressing/Russian investing parallel. Also, while I don't think Kimmy bears a super strong resemblance to Hillary Clinton(the guest actress from Clinton v. Henry VIII was much more on-point) she does look a lot like her as she does the Russian dance in the background. Something about her wide-open smile. "You been going bankrupt since the 90s; if I was in Iran you couldn't find me." Very true on both counts, very solid line. I don't know what more there is to say. Is it gonna be controversial to acknowledge the reality that Trump's gone bankrupt lots of times and probably couldn't point to Iran on a map, even now that he's been president? "You don't care about the job, Trump, you just think the desk is shiny." I think it's accurate that Trump really only cares about the prestige, but this still seems like a pretty weak attack. Hell, you could argue the vast majority of presidential candidates care more about the prestige than actually doing anything. "I said that I respect your children but that wasn't quite right, yo! Looking like some extras on American Psycho!" This line is pretty fucking great. I didn't get it when this battle first released, but I've seen American Psycho more recently, and comparing the Trump kids to the useless trust fund posers surrounding Patrick Bateman is hilarious. The hyper-aggressive hip thrusting Hillary's doing is also a great visual. For the most part this portrayal doesn't resemble Hillary much, but I think there's some truth in how she's portrayed as being very try-hard here. "First name is Hillary, middle name Rodham, last name is Clinton, and lyrics I got 'em! You fire celebrities on The Apprentice, motha fucka I fire Bin Laden! (Crack!) cough" Being tryhard again. The lines are pretty good, the flow is pretty good. The reference to her coughing is a fun touch. "How do I say this? You're racist! Ooh, you must get so pissed that your hands are too small to stop and frisk!" The asking/answering of that question at the beginning is really funny, and I like the way they worked Trump's small hands into this attack on him for being racist. "So you use your fingers to touch chicks. (She's only 12 years old.) That's enough, shit! (But she's married, sir.) Just gotta get pushy. (That's your daughter.) Well, grab her by the pussy!" One of the highlights of the battle, love the way they worked in the secret service agent here. Pointing out Trump being a creep at child beauty pageants and towards Ivanka are great lines of attack. "That's assault, brotha! Don't tell me the victim's at fault, sucka! You don't know shit about steaks! Yucka! But the ones on the 8th are great! Motha fucka!" Really fun delivery, good attacks, I like that they threw the Trump Steaks jab in between the more serious sentiments. I don't know what the fuck is going on with the background in this section, though they're really going hard on the tryhardness of Hillary. "Better save the date; I'm gonna rock the vote! Bad bitch on the scene like Murder, She Wrote!" Hillary trying to compare herself to that character is pretty cringe, as is highlighted by her attempting to dab with the biggest "look, aren't I cool, kids?!" look on her face. Real "Pokemon Go to the polls" moment. "So go ahead, Donald, let me see you flow. I brought Michelle's speech; borrow some quotes!" It's a pretty great line, though this line is moreso an attack at Melania than Trump himself; she should have ended with a more Trump-focused attack.
"Let me just say I respect all females. But your rhymes are trash; put 'em next to your emails." The first line is funny in how flagrantly untrue it is, the second line is just plain funny. Good opener. "Our country's in crisis. Who wants to vote for the mother of ISIS? That might not be exactly true, but I don't do politeness." Trump talks out of his ass and lies a lot, yes. "(Believe me!) You wanna talk about misogyny? Your Bill's worse than Cosby! He left a mess on that dress like you left in Benghazi!" The comparison of the rapist Bills is a great line, and I'm not sure whether the whole Benghazi thing was actually something that was Hillary's fault or just a Fox News talking head talking point, but it's a good line regardless. Also by this point it's clear that Lloid's Trump impression is on-point, much better than Peter's. "(Terrible!) You wanna break the glass ceiling, Hillary, I sense it. But the only crack you'll find is my ass pressed against it." The gesturing Lloid is doing during the "I sense it" line is fucking hilarious. The second line is also pretty funny, and did turn out to be true. "The numbers are in and I'm right on your tail. You don't have the stamina, baby, you're frail! This will be just like '08 when you fail! But Trump will appoint you to jail!" Fun parallel to Hillary's "First name is Hillary" segment from before going on here. The lines themselves are fine, nothing amazing. The second-to-last one turned out to be true, the last one did not. "How do I say this? You're a 2. And you almost lost the primary to a socialist Jew!" It's pretty funny how Trump mimics Hillary's "How do I say this?" bit, and "you're a 2" is such a simple but funny jab. He's got a point that Hillary was so weak a candidate that Bernie Sanders came outta nowhere and was able to put up a serious competition in a race that was supposed to have no real competition for her. "What do the American people gotta yankee doodle doo, to get it through your fat face, that they're just not that into you?!" The use of 'yankee doodle doo' is funny and he's got a real point that Hillary needs to accept she's very unpopular, though that 'fat face' line is such a pot calling the kettle black moment. No doubt intended as such. "They want a strong male leader who can stand up to China! Not a crooked, little, wishy-washy bleeding heart vagina!" These lines, of course, exist purely to point out that Trump is a giant sexist. The "China, China, China... bloody vagina!" in the background is a very funny touch. Little bits like that just add so much to this battle. "I'm gonna run these streets like I run my casinos; more police and less Latinos!" These lines, of course, exist purely to point out that Trump is a giant racist. "While you bury us in debt buying poor people socks, I'll create jobs, tearing down mosques!" Trump is against programs that help the impoverished and hates Muslims. "Then I'll use all the best rocks from the site to build a wall, dip it in gold and make Mexico pay for it all!" The thing Lloid does with his eyes as he smiles when he says "build a wall" is just... SO Trumpian. This really is one of the greatest Trump impressions I've ever seen, Lloid did an amazing job. As for the line... Trump says he's gonna build a wall. He built a partial wall. A partial, really unimpressive wall. "I'll make this country great again! We'll all be living large! And I'll tell Congress you're fired, and put Charles in charge!" Trump's slogan is MAGA and Charles in Charge was a TV show whose main actor is a Trump supporter. Also apparently there was a Supreme Court judge named Charles Trump once wanted nominated. Alright. "'Cause this whole system's rigged! And we all know the riggers! For the last eight years this country's been run by- (CAW!)" The point of this line is that Trump is a giant racist. I like the touch that the crowd is cheering wildly for Trump while Hillary looks disturbed in the background.
Then Lincoln comes soaring in on an eagle, as he did in Obama v. Romney. "Are you fucking kidding me with this blah blah blah? I've half a mind to feed you both to my oversized - (CAW!)" The use of 'CAW!' as a censor is amusing. "I've heard more thoughtful discussion up in TMZ! You two got brother blocking brother on their Facebook feed!" This isn't fun anymore, it's just real. "I'm so sick and tired of this ridiculous shit! If this is the best my party gets, then my party should quit!" The Republican Party is a nightmare and Lincoln would be ashamed of it today, is what is being said. "I'm sorry, did I say something that you found funny? Wipe that creepy-ass smile off your face and beat this dummy!" Clinton is a shitty politician who didn't take Trump seriously enough, and she comes across as cold and inhuman. And in case you somehow failed to pick up on it before, ERB makes clear here their endorsement for which candidate to vote for. "And if she does win the White House, be a man and hold the door. Don't get your fans stirred up in some sorta Twitter civil war!" Too real, especially after January 6th. "Here's an equal opportunity smack down in the sequel! That's of the people, by the people, for the people, eagle!" Some people have debated whether Lincoln slapped Trump twice in place of slapping Clinton at all because he's a gentleman and wouldn't hit a woman, or because ERB favors Clinton over Trump. The latter is definitely true, but the former is also probably true. So... both! Then Lincoln yells "Eagle!" and fucks off.
Let's talk about bias. There's two camps of people I've seen in discussions about certain ERB battles, especially this one, and they both irk me. So let's address both of them.
First off: YES, ERB is biased against Trump. And are biased against Republicans generally, and much more sympathetic to the Democrats. They've made that completely obvious from the beginning. And you know what? That's totally fine! They're right to be biased against them! But for some reason, some people in the fanbase can't just admit that. For some reason, there's a lot of people in the fanbase who will bend over backwards trying to explain how it's actually totally unbiased(false) and they attack both sides equally(false) and people complaining are being salty(true). But if you think ERB is unbiased, then society has failed you, because you are a woeful media illiterate. They're screaming Vote for Hillary, Don't Let Trump Win! at you and somehow you haven't managed to decipher what they're saying. I hope for your sake you're, like, twelve years old if you actually think they're unbiased. Here's an important lesson for you to learn as you grow up: 'biased' does not equate to 'bad'! For example, you SHOULD be 'biased' against Hitler! If you look at someone like Hitler and compare him to someone like MLK and treat them as equally valid figures whose ideas are both worthy of consideration, then you're at best a useful idiot and at worst a Nazi apologist! Stop feeling like you have to defend ERB's honor by feverishly denying any claims of bias!
But even worse than those jokers are the fuckers who love to bitch about how ERB has gotten "too political" or "too woke" nowadays. NEWSFLASH, DUMBASS: the very FIRST battle was John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly, and Bill O'Reilly literally says "Because I'm evil! Heart blacker than Don Cheadle!" Their very foundation as a series is shitting on Republicans! They didn't suddenly 'go woke' just because they stopped doing gay jokes and shat on Trump even more explicitly than they already did to Romney.
Anyway, I've got mixed feelings about this battle. The 'mixed' part of those feelings come from how heavy it is; I have to be in a certain mood to want to listen to this, and most times I see this pop up in my playlist I just skip on to the next one. It's uncomfortable. It's real. Maybe a little too real. But then again, maybe they were right to take it so seriously. It's still a great battle, even if it can be a little hard to come back to. The only big issue I have with it is that Lincoln coming in at the end is kind of a drag. It was funny the first time; this doesn't recapture the magic. He doesn't really have any great lines either. I tend to stop listening by the time he comes in. But besides that, this battle has an amazing instrumental track, great visuals, peak performances from both Lloid and Kimmy, and good, sometimes great, writing.
I used to think Trump won this battle despite always having been anti-Trump. Revisiting it now, I'm not sure why I thought that. Maybe it was because his part was just so entertaining, even moreso than Hillary's. Maybe it's because I, like many others, harbor a strong resentment and bitterness towards Hillary Clinton(muh Bernie) that would lead me to not be entirely honest about her performance here. Maybe it's just because that hardly anybody said Clinton won back in the day; Trump had either a majority or a clear plural majority of votes in polls, then Lincoln with a fair amount, then Clinton with a small fraction. Now I see that that is utter bullshit. The only reason anybody votes for Lincoln is either because of the Last Word Effect or because they want to be centrists about it and not side with either candidate; even if you could argue he was the best part of Obama v. Romney, here his verse falls well short of both Clinton and Trump's. On the question of Clinton v. Trump... I can kind of see how someone might think Trump won on account of how hilarious he was, but a ton of his stuff just makes himself look bad, and if we're being honest I think Clinton had better burns and more substantive lines of attack. I say Clinton>Trump>Lincoln.
inb4 someone says I got "too political" in my presidential election battle analysis

Hey besties of reddit! Haven't been on here before, but wanted to invite you to join the Corvallis Creative Cooperative, my community building organization. We've mostly been organizing on Facebook, where we have about 800 members, but I’ve been running into more and more people around town who aren’t on there but have been hearing about us and are interested in taking part. So - maybe you're one of them! You're welcome to check out our website (www.corvalliscreativecooperative.com), but here's a quick rundown.
I don't have a real short version of what we do, other than the phrases "community building" and "Friendship is Magic", because we do a lot. I run about 20 events a week, from support groups to walking groups to communal cooking to a potluck to movie night to tabletop games and plenty more. We’re starting up a community farm on one of our member’s properties. I’m working on a cooperative housing project, to make sure that everyone in our group has a safe home that they can afford to live in (that’s an ambitious one, but we’ll get there). We have a burgeoning home business cooperative, and I’ve set up a community workshop in my home that people can come use to make whatever they want.
There’s more, of course, but that’s a few of the things we do.
The most important part of this isn’t really the things we do, though: it’s the people we bring together. What ties all of our events and projects together is my conviction that we fundamentally need each other, not just to be happy and healthy, but to be human. The general reckoning is that this is the most isolated time in human history. We have a tremendous amount of loneliness, social anxiety, and related mental and physical health struggles. Even for people who are doing relatively well, the kinds of tight-knit, interdependent communities that humans have formed for most of history are very much a thing of the past.
I’m trying to bring that kind of community back - and it has been delightful and shocking to see how many people have been excited to join in. I hope you’ll be one of them.
Before I get on to other things, wanted to share my personal favorite event we do: Upward Spiral. This is basically our anti-death spiral group, where we sit down, figure out goals and problems that people in the group want to work towards, and then help each other make our lives healthier and happier in real, material ways. That’s what friends are for, right? We had our first meeting for that group yesterday, and all seven people who took part came out of it with some pretty high impact solutions - new places to live, support with mental health struggles, helpers to organize their home; that kind of stuff. We all have different strengths and resources, and nothing warms my heart like seeing something one person struggles with get done by someone it's easy breezy for.
If you have any questions, or just want to talk, my number is 541-740-1452. My name’s Robbie, and we’re not just friends - we’re besties, bestie!

During covid, we were all locked down, as I'm sure we all remember. My spouse turned to social medias for entertainment when we were stuck at home and couldn't work. That's perfectly fine tbh. After a while I just remember she started using TikTok so so so heavily that it was almost constant.
I let it slide for a long time because we were limited in what we could do anyways. Fast forward to the beginning of 2022. I finally confronted my wife about using TikTok and social media literally every free second she had. I told her that it felt like we weren't getting any interaction and I wasn't getting what I needed from her. I even discovered that the frame of the TikTok app was BURNED into the screen of her phone (the frame like where the home button, add video button and all that is at the bottom of the screen). That screen burn was a sign and she took it seriously at first. She even deleted TikTok and never used it again because she saw how bad it was. She continued to use Facebook and Instagram though. That didn't really bother me though. She has said countless times that she needs social media to decompress after a long day and to just scroll mindlessly.
In 2023 we noticed screen times were inhibiting bonding with one another. I'm guilty too, but it was more reddit and phone games for me. So to compromise, we bought stuff to do together that wasn't screens. We bought lego sets, diamond paintings, coloring books, and other basic craft stuff. I even bought her a Kindle as a birthday present to read instead of scroll on her phone. For about a year it was great. We spent a lot of quality time together face to face.
We are caught up to now. I noticed that every single second she's not actively engaged in something she's using Instagram reels as a new type of TikTok. She's doing the same thing she was doing during covid, only I think she's doing it more now. I hate it because our work schedules sometimes conflict and we only get to see each other a few hours a day sometimes. It sucks when she just sits on the phone during those time. Especially when she's been able to be off for hours and hours before I get home and she scrolls then too.
I'm at a loss and it's pretty crushing. I'm not sure what to do because she's going to tell me again, it's what she does to decompress.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ImDyingRn123
Originally posted to AITAH
AITA for not having my boyfriend be a plus one at my best friends wedding
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: manipulation
Original Post: May 9, 2024
I (25f) have been seeing my now boyfriend (27m), who will call Joe, for about six months now. We made it official three months into dating so I like to say he’s only officially been my boyfriend for three months.
My best friend, who we’ll call Anne, is getting married next month. I’m one of her bridesmaids. It’s a small destination wedding, only about forty close friends and family. The bridal party is set to arrive about four days before the actual wedding to do bachelobachelorette stuff.
The issue came up yesterday morning when my boyfriend started asking what time my flight was for the wedding week. I didn’t think much of it and told him. He came back about ten minutes later and said he’d have to go on a different flight because he couldn’t find one on the same airline or at the same time.
I didn’t understand why he was looking at flights. I asked him if he was planning on going on a solo or guys trip while I was gone since I wouldn’t be around.
He looked confused and then said he was looking for flights for the wedding.
I then proceeded to tell him, trying to be as gentle as possible, that I wasn’t planning on a plus one and the guest list was already finalized. He has only ever met Anne over face time since she lives in a different state from us.
After telling him, he exploded at me. Honestly it was a total 180 from his usual behavior. He said it was insensitive of me to not ask for a plus one because we’d been together for so long now. That I was purposefully excluding him and trying to keep him a secret. He ranted and talked in a circle and I just sat there in shock. What snapped me out of the daze was when he insinuated that I would likely cheat with one of the groomsmen.
Thats when I got up, got my shit, and started walking out of his place. He freaked out even more and said we needed to talk about this and I couldn’t walk out on him. He tried to grab me twice but I shoved him off.
Since I last night, I haven’t spoken to him. he’s been blowing up my phone with calls and texts that I don’t reply to. Even put him on do not disturb because it was so annoying. I was pretty solid in believing I wasn’t TA but one of his best friends got my number and texted me I was being petty and a female dog about everything. That I lead Joe on for six months.
I haven’t talked to anyone about this since I wanted to cool down before I got a second opinion. But now that his friend is texting men, I feel like I handled it all poorly. I know I need space right now but I don’t want to ghost Joe, which his friend implied I’m now doing.
So I’ve come here to get some unbiased opinions. Fellow redditors, I asked you now if i am TA for not having my boyfriend be a plus one to my best friends wedding.
posting this is the other aita sub too
edit: to clarify. we don’t live together. i just spend the night at his place sometimes
edit 2: in our last conversation last night i texted him that i needed some space to breathe to which he then just kept calling and texting
edit 3 because people keep acting like joe is a secret: he has met my other friends. he hasn’t met anne in person because she lives in a different state. across the country to be exact. they’ve only met through face time. i’ve met his parents and friends. he hasn’t met mine because they moved back to mexico two years ago. he has met them over face time.
edit 4: his friend saying lead him on was “leading him to believe he was invited”
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
OOP to multiple comments on why she is not having her boyfriend as her plus one to the wedding

OOP: i accepted the wedding invite long before we met. this wedding invite didn’t just recently happen. + main reason for why i never asked for a plus one is because joe and i had only just started seeing each other when the wedding was being planned. a lot went into it because it’s a destination wedding in europe + i’m not meaning to dismiss it. i’m pointing out that’s why i’m not having a plus one unlike the other groomsmen and bridesmaids. they have been with their partners for years and personally know anne. joe has only ever met her over face time + also there’s a lot more then just buying a ticket. i said earlier that this wedding was planned months before we met. anne planned a lot of things for this wedding that are catered to the fact there’s a limited guest list. again. i would have been fine to explain all this but again. i never got a chance to + this wedding wasn’t a secret. he was even aware of it when we first started seeing each other because i’d just done dress shopping. again. this wedding was very planned out because it is indeed, very small and private in france. he’s also met anne and her fiance over face time, not in person because she’s in a different state. he’s met my other friends as well. he hasn’t met my parents because they live in a different country.

 
Update: May 11, 2024
The general consensus was that I wasn’t TA. Unfortunately the original post got taken down on the main aita sub but is still up on the other. Still posting the update on both though.
Some of y’all had some stuff to say about me saying I need help communicating because I shouldn’t have walked out. Have your opinions, but never let someone scream at you and just sit there and take it. Im realizing thats emotional abuse.
About why I never pushed to have a plus one. When the wedding planning was starting, Joe and I had not met. By the time we met and made things official, the wedding planning was finalized. I never hid the wedding from Joe or the fact it was very small. Someone said “most normal people” plan on bringing their s/o to a wedding. Maybe thats true. But never automatically assume that since your s/o is invited to something, you’ll be going too.
The wedding was heavily pre-planned because again, it’s a destination wedding. Anne is originally from France and primary reason why it’s a destination wedding.
I talked to Anne about this shortly after posting and she agreed that I’m not TA. She said if the roles were reversed, she’d never expect her so of less than a year be invited to an important event.
So, on Friday, I texted Joe asking to meet up Saturday morning to have a discussion about everything.
This morning he tried to get us to meet at my place, but instead, I got him to agree to meet at a local cafe. A lot of you brought up how he tried to grab me and that’s a big sign that he could get more physical in the future. I didn’t want anything to be left to chance.
He got there early and tried to hug me, which I didn’t allow. I got the ick at the thought of him hugging me.
We did a bit of small talk but got pretty much to the point once we sat down.
He did apologize for blowing up but in the same breath said I shouldn’t have left. I countered that he shouldn’t have tried to physically stop me from leaving, twice. He said what else was he supposed to do. That set the tone for the whole conversation.
He went on to say that me just walking away was a “clear indication that I didn’t respect him”. I then pointed out that he was not letting me explain why he wasn’t invited.
This is when we started talking in circles. I told him how the wedding was being planned long before we met. How by the time we mutually agreed to be exclusive, they had everything finalized, especially the guest list. He said I should’ve asked for Anne to change it anyway. I asked him if I ever gave him the impression he’d be attending. He was silent for a while and then admitted he just assumed that since he was now my boyfriend, I would have told Anne to invite me. I told him then wouldn’t I have said something if he was invited in the past three months?
I realized that we weren’t getting anywhere. I told him I wanted to break up. To paraphrase, I said something along the lines of.
“I understand you were hurt that I didn’t invite you. I am sorry that we didn’t have a clearer conversation. I do wish that we could have had a calmer conversation. However, I don’t feel safe in this relationship because of how you reacted. I don’t think this relationship is good for either of us if you feel betrayed and I feel unsafe.”
He didn’t take that well.
Joe’s response was if we broke up, I wasn’t getting my stuff back. I told him I didn’t care. Because honestly? If he wants to keep some of my underwear and used toothbrush, okay.
I then asked him to not have his friends text me too. He then went from pleading to have another chance to accusing me of never wanting him. I just stood up, told him I wished him the best, and left.
Ended up going for a two hour run when I got home because I still felt stressed. Blocked his number, his friends, blocked his instagram, deleted the pictures of us on my feed. Changed my Facebook status to single. Had a cry and have been watching Netflix since.
Something I learned from this your first fight with your partner tells you everything about them. Our first fight told me Joe was explosive. Maybe if he hadn’t blown up, we would still be together. Not gonna dwell on it though. I know it’s good I got out while you can because as a lot of you pointed out, the fact he kept trying to overpower me twice says a lot.
I’m honestly glad I broke it off. As some of you said, it took him six months to show his true colors. Can’t imagine if he did come and then a year later, I find out he’s like this and have to look at wedding photos with a guy who is fine blowing up.
I’m going to stay single for awhile now. I have a wedding to look forward to. My focus is on supporting Anne and making sure she has the best wedding ever. I may update when the wedding happens to let you guys know how it goes and if Joe tried anything else.
Thank you again to everyone for their opinions.
Relevant Comments
OOP on staying away from her ex-boyfriend

OOP: thank you ❤️ i do have a dog and a roommate so that’s some extra security already. the roommate and i talked before about getting a ring camera but this experience and other comments have solidified us getting one

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/SparkMandrill90. He posted in AITAH
Mood Spoiler: Good ending.
Original Post: May 9, 2024
My (33M) ex-wife (30F) and I got divorced 3 years ago. In college, we worked at the same restaurant, that's where we met. We were together for 7 years, and married for a little over 3 and half. We divorced because she cheated twice.
2 years into our marriage I discover she is having an affair with a former classmate. I collect enough evidence and confront her. She confesses everything. The affair was about 2 months long. This was a really terrible time, and was really hard to work through with her. You can call me an idiot, but I am a forgiving person. I do believe in 2nd chances and that people can change. We agreed to reconcile. We did the work. We had marriage counseling. We read some of the books, she went no contact with classmate right away, open phone policy, we told our parents. She was doing the right things and our relationship was recovering.
1 year into our reconciliation, her Aunt dies. I am very busy with work and cannot attend the services as they are on Thursday and Friday, back in her hometown 5 hours away. Her parents and brother no longer live there, so she stayed with a good friend from HS. I had met this friend a few times and was comfortable with that.
On Saturday morning my wife text me that the car was loaded, and she was about to start making the drive home. About an hour after that I got a Facebook message from the friend. Who stated she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she just let this go, but informed me that my wife had gone out Friday night with some old friends from HS. The friend thought nothing of this until she discovered my wife had left her phone behind, and that she didnt come back until the following morning. I had gotten a text that Friday night from my wife that she was going to bed early since the past few days had been emotionally draining.
I confronted my wife soon as she got home. She was really hesitant to tell me anything so I lied to her and told her if we were going to work through this, I needed to know everything like the last time. That got her to confess that she had gone out, and had gone home with an old friend from high school. She said they didn't have sex but did do "stuff" that I won't go into detail about here. It didn't matter, once I got enough of the truth I left for my parents house. That week, my Dad called my landlord and paid all the termination fees and got me out of the lease. We went and got my stuff while she was at work. My parents set me up with a friend of theirs that was a divorce attorney and he cut me a deal. Took about 7 months for divorce to go final.
That was 3 years ago. I have an awesome girlfriend, and am doing well. This past weekend I got a Facebook message from a guy who is now engaged to my ex-wife. He introduced himself and said he was probably just being crazy, but he wanted to know why we had gotten divorced. He said he had broached the subject a few times, and she always "gets weird." She had told him we had divorced because we grew apart, but mostly she just deflects or is really really vague.
I told him the truth, and offered evidence if he would like. He declined, and thanked me for my time and story.
A day later I get a phone call from a local, but unknown number. I answer and it's my ex-wife. She is really upset and asking me why I am trying to ruin her future. I get her to calm down and talk. She says her fiancee has asked for some space and is staying with his parents this week. That he is saying he needs to reevaluate their relationship. She wants to know why I told him all about their past and why I'm still punishing her. She tells me she's not that person anymore, and has done all this work, and been in therapy. That she deserves another chance and I'm being petty and hateful. There were a few generic insults thrown. I got a little pissed and told her if she really changed for the better she would have been upfront with him about heour past and owned up to cheating in her prior marriage, and then gone about showing her fiancee that she was ready to be a worthy partner to him unlike she was with me. Instead she tried to lie and hide the truth, and now it's blowing up in her face again. She said a few choice words and hung up.
I haven't heard anything since. I told my girlfriend and she reassured how I handled it. But I find myself feeling guilty. I still believe in 2nd chances and that people can change. While I would have felt wrong lying to the guy, I wonder if I should have handled the whole thing differently or just not responded. If she is truly different and this is just a blip, I don't want to be the thing that prevents her from finding happiness, but also believe I'm not what's hurting her engagement. AITA?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: The fiancé called you and asked you what happened, you are under no obligation to lie to him for her sake, as a matter of fact, anything that you told him besides the truth would be suspect as you have no idea what she told him. Don’t feel bad, she is only feeling the consequences of her actions. NTA. Kiss your wife, tell her you love her, and live a good life together

OOP: Yeah, I don't know what she's told him exactly. He made it sound like she will do anything NOT to talk about it. He did say the most he's ever gotten out of her when bringing it up was "We grew apart". Which is a lie in itself.

Commenter: NTAH, imagine if you had lied to the guy and said you had just grown apart. Would you want thar on your conscience? I’d have told him rather than been part of a lie that will lead to someone else getting hurt. She hasn’t changed at all.

OOP: No, you're right, I would not have lied to him. I think I was largely wondering if I should have just told him "it wasn't my place and he needs to get it from his fiancee", but after the amount of feedback, I'm feeling really good with my decision.

Commenter: NTA. I’m like you. I would feel guilty because at a glance it seems like being honest about your experience caused your ex to potentially lose her relationship. However you are holding yourself accountable for someone else’s actions. Your ex cheated. Your ex withheld information from her current partner. Your ex is still avoiding accountability. You are not responsible for her actions. Anything that happens in her relationship is her problem, not yours.

OOP: Thank you for this, I got to remind myself of that. I hate causing others pain, so I'm glad to hear from someone who can relate

There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but a majority of votes are NTA
Update Post: May 12, 2024 (3 days later)
I really didn't expect to give an update because I assumed I'd never hear anything from my ex wife or her fiancee again. First Post
Last night I received a very very long text from my ex-wife. I'll summarize it below, because it was long and did have personal details.
She started off by apologizing for the way she talked to me the other day and said I didn't deserve to be insulted like that. She then went onto explain herself, and her situation.
She started by acknowledging that this whole situation wasn't my concern or business, and apologized for me being drawn into it, and said she was embarrassed that their issues were being "aired out." She said it was her fault this happened. Since she began dating her fiancee she has hidden the details of our marriage out of shame and guilt. For the most part it was never brought up until he proposed a couple months ago. That's when he first really asked and seemed to want to know. She said she wasn't ready to deal with that and kept trying to rug sweep it, but he persisted. This is when she started therapy (so apparently she's only had a few therapy sessions and all are recent). She never thought he would reach out to me.
She then stated that none of this was my fault, and apologized for blaming me. She said she should have faced this a long time ago, gotten therapy for ruining our marriage, and come to terms with her own feelings of guilt.
Then she apologized for her affairs, and way I was treated during our marriage.
The last part was just her stating that she was not expecting a response back, wishing me the best, and saying that hopefully her and her fiancee will never "bother me" again.
This morning when I got up and read this, I sent back a brief message:
"I appreciate the apologies and am glad you are working on yourself. I have moved on from what happened, and hope you can move on from this. The only bit of advice I have is I think this text needs to go to your fiancee."
She responded back just by saying "Thank you" and that he's received far more and far longer texts.
I doubt there'll ever be another update. I actually hope there isn't. I don't believe in closure, but I will say it was refreshing, to hear her apologize without an asterisk. That's what I always got before, the "I'm so sorry, I just drank too much and..." "I'm so sorry, I was just really depressed and stressed and...". Doesn't mean a whole lot really, maybe just unexpected for me, but it was nice to hear an apology that has no excuse trailing behind it. I'm going to enjoy the rest of my day now and leave all this behind me.
Wanted to address a small sets of commenters from the first post though. I had several people hung up on that my Dad paid my termination fees and got me out of my lease. He did that of his own accord, to take a lot of the stress of the separation off me. I included that to show how I had a support system that was behind me, and willing to help in any way no questions asked. It really helped me through the healing process, and I got back on my feet pretty quickly after. I'm sorry if you don't have anyone there for you when you're at your lowest, but it doesn't make you better or manlier or whatever you were going for when you made those comments. Having to face any and every challenge on your own, is really just kind of a sad existence in my opinion. I hope that changes for you and you'll find someone to be in your corner someday.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: She seems to be taking some accountability for her actions which is a surprise if she is sincere. They almost never take any responsibility for anything.
Go on and have a wonderful life.

OOP: Yep that's what I'm going to do.
I don't have much thought on the texts she sent me, I mean this whole thing is really nothing more than a weird few days in my otherwise routine life. But I will admit, it was nice to hear her take some accountability without making an excuse right after. That had never happened before.

Commenter: I honestly don't see why people were jumping on you for having someone in your corner to help you out, seems like a weird thing to get hung up on.

OOP: That's how I felt too, but there were a handful of people who were trying to imply that I was some sort of crybaby man child because my Dad took care of that for me.

Commenter: What accountability exactly do you think that she is taking here? She’s basically just playing defense to try to save her current relationship. It’s easy to be honest when there’s no other choice.

OOP: Her motivations are her own.
But to address your questions on accountability. When she first got caught having an affair, and we decided to work it out. She did everything "right." She came to every counseling appointment and fully participated, she read the books we got, she gave me every password, and so on. She would apologize profusely, but every time she would also give an excuse along with it. "I am so sorry I did this to us, I don't know what I was thinking, I was just so caught up in the validation" or the attention, or I was just so depressed and he was just there, and so on. She would put her self down, beg for forgiveness, and each time there was always just a little "asterisk" added on. A little reason/excuse/deflection as to why she did it. An outside factor that pushed her into it to some degree
When she did the second time, there wasn't much discussion because I ended things and left as soon as I got enough confession out of her. But when she was bombarding me with texts, emails, snaps, you name it trying to explain and beg, and ask for one more chance and all that, she apologized a 1000 times, all 1000 times had its little "asterisk.". I was just so drunk I wasn't thinking, I really thought he just wanted to keep hanging out, we didn't have sex (whether this was true or not I really don't care) and so on.
I'm going to assume you've never dealt with a betrayal like this, and I hope you never do, but when you are a person like me, who has been betrayed, even years later, to finally get an apology that has no excuses, no asterisks attached to it, it is incredibly refreshing. I truly thought it would never happen, thought she would never be capable.
Now, it doesn't mean much, our lives haven't crossed paths in 2.5 years, and may never again. I'm not going to be reaching out and I assume neither is she, but for that to actually happen, I'll take the win today.

This will be a bit long so there will be a tl,dr at the end if you don't want to read all of it. I'm new at this so bear with me.
Bit of background about myself I [18F] have diagnosed combination type ADHD though for my entire life my doctor has recommended I be tested for Autism and my school has always been saying that I have Autism for as long as I can remember. I have never been emotionally attached to my parents while I am grateful for all they have done for me I have just never been attached to them like I would care if they were gone. When I was in elementary school I was a very hyper child and I was not well behaved at all due to this in kindergarten my teachers would often tell me to go off to another part of the room away from everyone else and give me things to play with so that I would be distracted and they could teach the rest of the class without me disrupting them so I would pretty much be isolated from everyone else. I have been in special needs classes since kindergarten and I have only been put on medication for my ADHD once which was when I was 8 but I was taken off it by my parents as it turned me into a "zombie" I believe the medication was Adderall but other than that I have been unmedicated for ten (10) years. My parents have been married 18 years, I believe they got married because my mother became pregnant with me
I discovered that my mother was cheating on my father about two (2) or three (3) months ago though I had been suspecting it for over six (6) months I just never had any solid proof until two (2) to three (3) months ago. Recently I had my friend send my father the proof of my mother's affair that I have collected but to my surprise after they talked for around 15 about it their relationship has improved significantly compared to how it's been for over a year. This all started in 2023 my mother began constantly face timing this guy we'll call P I had never seen before whenever my father wasn't around when I asked about it she said P was just a friend and so I believed her and I had even spoken to the guy though he didn't sit well with me as he seemed like a prick. After about a month of my mother constantly on the phone with P whenever my father wasn't around I began to wonder if there was more to this, so I began listening in on their conversations whenever I could to see if I could hear anything that indicated that was an affair but I never got anything out of it besides lewd jokes and comments from P about black women. During this time she was giving my father zero affection and had even stopped telling me that she loved me even I said it to her.
Eventually I got fed up with them constantly talking to each other and I was very angry with my mother for taking me and my three (3) year old brother to the park for as she called it "family time" only for her to be off on her own away from us and on her phone the entire time texting and face timing P and even flat out ignoring me numerous times whenever I tried to talk to her or asked her to watch me do something, this upset me because I like getting attention from others and she had denied me that. So after I was fed up with them I went off on my mother for the first time ever while she on the phone with P and said some not nice things to her and said not nice things about P, I also brought up my suspicion of her having an affair which she denied and when I pressed her about why said lied to me about things regarding P such as where he lived, how she knew him, why she only ever called him whenever my father wasn't around, and why she started talking to him she told me it was because she "wasn't allowed to have friends" which is not true she has many friends many of which I know. After that all happened I stopped talking to her for a while and she stopped calling him whenever I was around and I began to wait for opportunities for when I could take her phone and go though it as I knew her password. I couldn't just wait for her to go to bed as she is a light sleeper and my father goes to bed a different times from her so he would see me and question me as to why I was taking her phone or she would end up waking up and question me so I had to wait for when she left her phone unattended which wasn't very often.
Two (2) months ago I was able to swipe her phone and go though it and it was all right there. I love you's, naked pictures, sexual conversations, talk of divorcing my father for P and taking my brother with, and I made sure to get plenty of pictures of it and I even found out that on a trip she took to "Ohio" in which is paid 300$ for plan tickets to and from she had actually not went there and instead went to the state P lives, I also found P's Facebook where he had pictures of himself with my mother together and the dates the pictures were posted and the date my mother left for her trip matched up, during that trip she had actually never even called back home to talk to me, my father, or my brother. For a while after I confirmed my mother was cheating on my father I blamed myself because P asked me if I was okay with him talking to my mother (This was when I still though he was just her friend) and I said I was and it made me feel like I was the one that allowed this to happen but I realized it wasn't my fault and the only one to blame was my mother. After my mother returned from her trip she had actually wanted to have sex with my father for the first time in a while though I suspect she only did it because she had sex with P and wanted to do it with my father in case she became pregnant though I have no evidence to prove this but I do know that birth control does not work for my mother as when she conceived me, my sister, and my brother she was on birth control same as her mother though take that with a grain of salt as my mother is terrible at taking medication at the same time everyday. After that I began to plan out what to do, I didn't care about what would happen to me if they got divorced I was thinking of how I could try and get this to work out best for my brother. My at the time boyfriend had gone though a similar situation as to what I was going though, his mother cheated on his father and divorced him and ran away with her affair, leaving behind her children and leaving her ex-husband in lots of debt from legal fees. I didn't want that to happen to my father so I talked with my at the time boyfriend and my friends as for what I should do and I also looked into what the divorce laws in my state which my state does not count adultery as grounds for divorce.
Eventually I got another chance to go though my mother's phone and it was more of the same old stuff but in one part she told P that she was in the process of filing some kind of legal paperwork and P seemed excited about that there was also a "protected files" thing on her phone that needed a password to get into but since it wasn't the same password as the one to her phone I couldn't get it. Once I saw that I knew I couldn't wait any longer and I had my friend send my father the proof though a burner phone number so none of it was connected me and they wouldn't know I had all of the evidence then I waited for him to confront my mother. It didn't take long for that to happen as soon as she came home from work he was on her about it but he never raised his voice or showed any kind of aggression towards my mother they just calmly talked for about 15 minutes. During so my mother never showed any kind of regret or remorse, she never even said sorry mostly just saying "believe what you want to believe" she told my father that he was just a friend from high school (Though I think there is more to it than that) and that he was obsessed with her and wanted her to divorce my father for him and even her parents where egging her on to do it but she said she didn't want to give up her family and home just to start all over and that if she wanted to leave she would have already left, but that doesn't really make sense to me as if you cared so much about your family and the life you built then wouldn't you show some kind of emotional response when all of that was threatened? she also implied that the lewd pictures she had sent P he had paid her to send them. After they finished talking they hugged and carried on with their day like nothing had happened and they have been doing things they hadn't done in years, cuddling in bed together, kissing, and hugging. Today I checked my mother's phone again and it seems she has stopped talking to P all together and doesn't even have him as a friend of Facebook anymore and I can't find their messages on Facebook messenger anymore though I doubt she really stopped.
TL,DR: My mother cheated on my father but after exposing her cheating to my father their relationship began to improve, I want to try and fix my relationship with my mother for the sake of my brother but I don't know how to go about it
While their relationship is improving my relationship with my mother is in the trash I have told her to stop talking to me or doing anything with me period as I despise cheating but I would like to attempt to fix my relationship with my mother because I want to be in my brother's life and I feel if things between me and my mother sour she will prevent me from being around him and I plan on moving out as soon as I am able to. I have two (2) older half sister's 21 and 25 respectively (Same father different mother) but I don't get to see them much since they have their own lives and one of them even has her own family, my mother also doesn't like them and I feel she played a role in keeping me from seeing them when I was growing up and I have one (1) younger sister that was put up for adoption though it is an open adoption so I still see her every now and then, I have never been able to form any kind of relationship with my siblings as I never grew up with them and I scarcely saw them during my childhood but my brother is the only one I have been able to be with long-term and I want to be able to build a relationship with my brother as he grows up and I believe fixing my relationship with my mother will help me be able to do this. I want to be able to fix things between me and my mother for my brother but at the same time I don't want to reveal that I was the one that caused her little affair to get exposed as I feel that will damage our relationship even more. How should I approach mending things with her without damaging things further? I don't believe cheaters should be given a second chance with the person they cheated on but I want to fix things between me and mother at least temporarily for my brother.

During covid, we were all locked down, as I'm sure we all remember. My spouse turned to social medias for entertainment when we were stuck at home and couldn't work. That's perfectly fine tbh. After a while I just remember she started using TikTok so so so heavily that it was almost constant.
I let it slide for a long time because we were limited in what we could do anyways. Fast forward to the beginning of 2022. I finally confronted my wife about using TikTok and social media literally every free second she had. I told her that it felt like we weren't getting any interaction and I wasn't getting what I needed from her. I even discovered that the frame of the TikTok app was BURNED into the screen of her phone (the frame like where the home button, add video button and all that is at the bottom of the screen). That screen burn was a sign and she took it seriously at first. She even deleted TikTok and never used it again because she saw how bad it was. She continued to use Facebook and Instagram though. That didn't really bother me though. She has said countless times that she needs social media to decompress after a long day and to just scroll mindlessly.
In 2023 we noticed screen times were inhibiting bonding with one another. I'm guilty too, but it was more reddit and phone games for me. So to compromise, we bought stuff to do together that wasn't screens. We bought lego sets, diamond paintings, coloring books, and other basic craft stuff. I even bought her a Kindle as a birthday present to read instead of scroll on her phone. For about a year it was great. We spent a lot of quality time together face to face.
We are caught up to now. I noticed that every single second she's not actively engaged in something she's using Instagram reels as a new type of TikTok. She's doing the same thing she was doing during covid, only I think she's doing it more now. I hate it because our work schedules sometimes conflict and we only get to see each other a few hours a day sometimes. It sucks when she just sits on the phone during those time. Especially when she's been able to be off for hours and hours before I get home and she scrolls then too.
I'm at a loss and it's pretty crushing. I'm not sure what to do because she's going to tell me again, it's what she does to decompress.

I’m moving overseas in a couple of weeks. I’ve been running an eBay resale business here in Melbourne, Australia for the last two years and it’s been reasonably successful. It definitely had potential but my plans changed. My stock is varied, with some great stuff and some good stuff. The common stuff I’ve since discarded or sold off over the last 6 months.
Besides Facebook marketplace, can anyone recommend a good platform t get the word out so that I can move this stock before I leave? The retail value of the stock is anywhere between $3000-$7000, I’d say, depending on how much or how little you price items at. I’m asking for $500, which is low relative the quality of the stock, but I’ve noticed people on marketplace are… generally only looking to spend $50-100 for resale stock. I could be wrong about that, I hope I am!
My friend mentioned something about a Discord group, which I’ll be looking into as well. Any recommendations? Please and thanks and sorry if this is the wrong sub to ask in. Happy to be guided to correct sub.

We recently moved into a new house with a very talkative, nosy and gossipy neighbor who lives directly across the street from us. This neighbor is part of a real estate Facebook group and posted about our house on that page while it was for sale. She constantly posted about how much more it was listed at than her house and how overpriced it was. When we bought the house she again listed the selling price on that Facebook page and furthermore mentioned the repairs that we were having done to plumbing and for termites, again much to the same effect of can’t believe these people are buying this house for this much with these problems that my house doesn’t have.
She also gossips incessantly to the neighbors about other neighbors and tries to talk to us every time we step out of our door. She does not have a back yard so is always in her front yard. She has made many further shitty remarks about our house like “the contractors put a bunch of cheap stuff in your house right? The backyard is cheaply done isn’t it? And “I still can’t believe how much they got out of that house” to our face.
My tact has been to be cold and ignore her as much as possible only responding tacitly to questions asked. My wife has a harder time avoiding social nicieties and gets sucked into conversation with her. This has led to the neighbor talking more and more with my wife and coming onto our front lawn to talk with her etc.
I’m in the process redoing a lot of the backyard and I know the neighbor is curious she has asked me about it and I just don’t want her to know about my life or what I’m doing. Her nosiness feels like an invasion of privacy and all the information she has had on our house she has previously spread on the internet and to neighbors and even to us in mean spirited and unthoughtful ways. I’ve told my wife I really don’t want to have this neighbor close to us, to come into our yard or backyard or become comfortable coming over whenever she please. I was very clear that I didn’t want the neighbor to come into our backyard either.
This evening my wife and son were playing out front and the neighbor came in over and was talking to my wife. I was inside and stayed inside . She asked to see the projects I was working on in the back and my wife led her to the backyard and showed her the deck and our back house. My wife said that she didn’t know how to say no to the neighbors request.
I was enraged because I specifically requested she didn’t let the neighbor over as I feel the neighbor invades privacy. My wife said she doesn’t want to be cold to people. I feel like my wife is valuing my neighbors feelings - as well as her own desire to not feel awkward around neighbors - over my feelings. I understand that my wife can’t be as cold towards the neighbor as I can (I’m introverted) but I felt I was clear with my boundaries towards the neighbor with my wife and she didn’t respect my feelings.
I got into an argument about it with my wife…I’m not sure if I’m the asshole or if my wife is the asshole or if this is just a shitty situation that we have to deal with somehow…

I’m finally calm enough to post this but this happened yesterday.
So I had recently made a post about Mother’s Day and what to do if we’re NC with MIL. I was asked by a few people why would me or DH even consider reaching out if we’re NC. So first of all, I would and will never reach out. That bridge is burned. The question was really for DH as I can tell he was struggling a little bit. Second of all, DH is happy being NC, he enjoys not having the drama, however MIL was a heavy alcoholic and drug user most of her adolescence and all of his childhood. She didn’t even get “sober” until he was 18. Poor DH grew up being raised by his sibling while also raising his own mother. His sibling was 5, changing his diapers and helping him eat because MIL was too drunk and partying. Sibling left when they were a teen because they couldn’t handle it anymore so DH was left picking up the pieces. He has grown used to taking care of his mom and taking all of her crap. And because of that, he has a sense of responsibility towards her.
He recognizes now the toxic behavior he dealt with as a kid. The emotional incest. And the mental toll it took on him as a kid. He realizes that he didn’t deserve what happened and still doesn’t. But it’s still hard for him and I can understand that. He had years of her gaslighting him, playing victim, and giving in to her ridiculous demands. When he was 16 she expected him to work 30-40 hours a week while in school, so he can pay rent and buy groceries. She had state funded housing so all that money went to her pocket.
ANYWAY this is not the point of this post. The point was… he ended up not messaging his mom on Mother’s Day. We expected to be bombarded with messages making us out to be the bad guys (as usual) but surprisingly it was quiet. Didn’t get a message, a Facebook comment. Nothing. It was BLISS. We had a quiet Mother’s Day. Hubby and I took a nap when the kids went down and had a nice quiet dinner. All I could ask for.
I should’ve known better. Should’ve known something was going to pop off because it was too quiet. I knew she was going to try to pull something.
It happened yesterday. I was sitting on the couch reading a book, and I hear the door knock. I look out the window and there she is… standing on our front steps. I call to DH because there’s no way I’d be able to contain myself. He goes to the door and opens it and she pushes him aside and strolls right in. I told her she’s not welcome in my home so she needed to step right back out onto the porch. She said she wouldn’t be long and she was just there to pick up her babies. I told her, her babies are full grown and don’t want to see her. She said she meant the children. I told her my children were napping and we’ve already told her, she is not welcome in their lives for the foreseeable future. She started wailing that it wasn’t fair. They’ve probably already forgotten her and she has been unjustly punished enough. She said she was taking her babies and that was final. I told her no and she needed to leave. She tried to make a b-line for the stairs but I was closer so I ran upstairs into the kids room and locked the door. I texted hubby to take care of it or I’ll be calling the police.
I could hear her screaming from downstairs saying she had rights (not in this state) and she demands to see the kids. And how we’re villainizing her. And keeping her kids from her. I then start to hear things being thrown around and the door slam and what I think were fists slamming against it. I wait until it’s finally quiet and DH texts me the all clear.
I guess after DH put his foot down, she flew off the handle and he had to physically remove her from our home. He said it felt like a slow motion tirade and he could hear that dramatic opera music in his head because she was literally kicking and screaming and knocking stuff over as she tried to grab anything to hold on to. We called the police but unfortunately we don’t have cameras and nothing was broken, so there was no proof or evidence for them to charge her with anything.
I can’t believe how unhinged she became out of seemingly nowhere and I’m so frazzled. We’ve invested in some security cameras so hopefully those will come in soon because now I’m on edge all the time thinking she’s going to come back.