Sharp stabbing pain on left side of temple

Hello!! Thanks for any advice, and sorry for the long post in advance.
9 months ago, I hurt myself at work doing some heavy lifting. During the time of the accident, I felt a sharp painful "pinch" in my neck/shoulder area (for lack of a better term) and then a spreading, hot sensation around my shoulder blade area.
I had the next 3 days off of work, and had a lot of pain in the area, but assumed I had pulled a muscle or something similar.
Upon going back to work, I quickly found that my weight bearing capacity of my left arm was next to nothing. I couldn't, and still can't, lift more than 8-10 pounds with my left arm. I'm in pretty good shape (46m), and could previously curl over 50 pounds with that arm.
I initiated a claim and it was approved, work put me on light duty (which has been mostly just lip service), and with no real diagnosis, was put through a gamut of Physical Therapy, Chiropractic, Theraputic Massage, and Acupuncture. I was never once offered any time off of work, and worked my full schedule even though it was pretty painful at a number of different points. The Acupuncture is the only treatment that has had any results, and that just helps with pain relief, not any relief on my weight bearing capacity on my arm. I had a QME appointment which stated that without limited duty, I'd be medically disabled.
After going through those with no real diagnosis, 7.5 months in they decide to do an MRI on my cervical spine, as well as a nerve damage test on my left shouldearm, as the treatments yielded no beneficial results. The MRI showed significant vertebrae damage to the cervical spine, which then smashed the nerves to my shoulder area, which is why the left arm will not properly work. A nerve damage test coroborated this as well.
The next steps were a consultation with a neurosurgeon, and a cortizone shot which I'll be getting in the next 2 weeks. The neurosurgeon stated that he wanted to do a 3-level cervical spine fusion, which would largely take care of any pain, but likely would not help at all with the weight bearing issue and let me resume normal usage of my arm. Also of note is that I'm at high risk (~5%) of nerve damage/paralysis during the fusion surgery due to scoliosis in my cervical spine, my age, gender, and because I'm a smoker. (1/20 chance) The neurosurgeon said that the Cortizone shot will alleviate pain anywhere from 1 week to 3 months, at which point it will return, and then I should call him to schedule the triple fusion surgery.
Due to the inherent risks involved with surgery, paired with the fact that surgery is unlikely to actually fix the usage of my left arm and only help with pain relief, I'm pretty hesitant to go that route. I can manage the pain long term for the most part, as it's not as exacerbated when I'm not constantly using it.
At this point, I think my next step would be to get the Cortizone shot, and then ask for a follow up QME appointment to determine my MMI rating, as this doesn't sound like it's going to improve any further, and it doesn't seem like I'll be able to work in my field of 26 years any longer.
My worker's comp attorney stated that they were going to check to see if the insurance company had put out any information on a predetermined settlement, which apparently they sometimes do.
Now I'm just waiting to hear back from my lawyer.
In this instance, I assume any type of settlement offered by the insurance company will be a very low-ball offer. Is it better to wait until the MMI rating, and then try to proceed with a settlement?
Moving forward, it seems like I'll have to either go back to school, or go to get some type of certification to find a totally new type of employment. (I've been looking at IT certifications for a potential state IT job or something similar.)
Does anyone have any experience in this type of situation and advice? I'm assuming at this point I'd just get the Cortizone shot, follow up with the QME Doctor and get the MMI rating, and then work out a settlement from there? Non-surgical methods have gotten no results, and it sounds like the invasive and risky surgery would not bring back my arm functionality either.
Any advice is greatly appreciated, and thanks for your time.
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Let’s get it out of the way: Crystal is boring and yes she was opportunistic. But she has a point about how Holly has openly disliked her for years, and that their experiences are very similar.
Holly’s always been a ‘sniper from the side’. She throws rocks and then hides her hands. She did it with Kendra, and gets away with it because Kendra overreacted with the explicit tweets. But her shade is subtle and steady with just enough plausible deniability to feign innocence.
An example of that is here, where Holly calls Crystal and the twins ‘the skanks next door’ and then says ‘I didn’t say that, people who commented on my Myspace said that’
When she returned to the mansion to see Hef she said to Crystal “You take care of him or I’ll be on you!” here
In her conversation with Kendra and Mary for the ‘Hef’s Runaway Bride’ special here she’s shady, again making the Hef ‘dodged a bullet’ comment and sarcastically saying she left ‘at the right time for her single’.
This one struck me because she continues to dismiss Crystal even after Mary tells her that Crystal called her at the Jazz Festival in tears saying she ‘couldn’t do this and needed a shrink’ —which Holly wrote about a nearly identical situation going on antidepressants and wanting to talk to a therapist and Hef just saying to talk to Mary.
——————————
In 2011 she questioned Crystal’s intentions
“I’d like to see Hef settle down,” Holly told the tabloid. “I just want it to be with the right person, and I feel like he’s making a hasty decision. I’m not sure Crystal is the best thing for him.”
Referring to her fellow giant-breasted blonde as “mysterious,” Holly adds that she’s wary of Crystal’s intentions: “I’ve seen a lot of girls try to date Hef, and some have ulterior motives. I don’t think it would be a bad idea for him to get to know her a little better. I think it’s possible Crystal could break Hef’s heart. They could end up divorcing, and she could take half his money.”
Is she jealous that the man she once wanted to marry has asked for the hand of someone else? No. It’s simply: “I just don’t want it to be a girl who’s using him to start her career.”
Here’s an article about her Tweets following the ‘Runaway Bride’ saga.
Hollywood Lifehttps://hollywoodlife.com › holly-m...Holly Madison Attacks Crystal Harris On Twitter!
“That’s disgusting and whoever booked her is tacky!” tweeted Holly in response to a reporter talking about Crystal’s arrival at The Wet Republic. The Peepshow star also wrote, “That’s a new low!!!” in response to pictures of a bikini-clad Crystal living it up at the Vegas pool.
“Trust me, NO ONE is interested in filming Crystal! She left Lifetime high and dry while filming a 2 hour special!” was Holly’s response to the reporter wondering if camera’s would be documenting Crystal’s day in the sun.
That wasn’t all the Queen of Vegas had to say about Hef’s cold-footed fiance! In addition to dissing Crystal for promoting herself on the day she was supposed to say “I do” to the man who made her famous, Holly also tweeted Crystal’s decision may have been a blessing in disguise.
“Where does one find the “Dodged a Bullet” mylar balloons?” tweeted Holly a few days after the wedding was called off.
But to prove her off-handed remarks were really attacks on Crystal, Holly took her tweets one step further and declared a “war of words” with her fellow platinum playmate! When Crystal tweeted, “Hard times show your real friends…” Holly boldly shot back with, “No, they show HEF’s real friends…”
She jumped in to comment on Crystal taking her dog with her that was attached to Hef (even though she re-homed her own dogs she got with Hef to her parents and immediately got 3 new ones)
"Why did you voluntarily give the dog to Hef (who loves him too) after you left, only to ask for him back a few months later?" Madison, who stars in Holly's World and also appeared on the eighth season of Dancing with the Stars, wrote on her Twitter account Monday.
"Dogs shouldn't be yanked from happy homes on a whim. She needs to quit attention-seeking!"
Took a shot at Crystal with her usual passive-aggressive style when asked about naming her daughter Rainbow:
“It's definitely a unique name. I like unique names and I wouldn't have picked it if were common. But, growing up, there was a girl in my class named Rainbow. I grew up in Oregon, where a lot of hippies went to start families. There was a girl at school named Rainbow, and I was so jealous and I wanted it to be my name."
"So it's definitely unusual, but it's a name. It's not like I called her Coffee Table. People love to say, 'That's a stripper name.' But I've spent a lot of time in Vegas and strippers aren't named Rainbow. They're named Amber, Crystal and Jessica."
https://radaronline.com/photos/holly-madison-hugh-hefner-feud-wife-crystal-stripper-name-playboy-takedown/
It’s probably also not a coincidence that the other 2 ‘stripper names’ she chose were the names of Kendra’s 2 close friends at the time when they had their own falling-out.
And finally, a couple of Crystal comments in her book:
I have to say, I was a little curious about this Crystal character. Though I kept far away from Hef and Crystal (in part to avoid replicating how Tina had made me feel after her departure), it still seemed like Crystal had major jealousy issues. A few weeks earlier, I had run into a Los Angeles magazine editor I knew socially who told me a story about Hef begging him to retract a statement he had made about my being welcome back in his life anytime.
The editor threw up his hands and said he told Hef he couldn't retract it, that he had him on tape saying it and that he heard his new girlfriend threw a fit about it when it came out. When it came to being dramatic, it appeared Hef had met his match.
Crystal acquired the seemingly requisite boob and nose job shortly after moving into the mansion, and after her plastic makeover, Hef handed her a December 2010 centerfold.
Crystal just didn't come off as comfortable or clever enough to think up even a lame zinger like that. In fact, most of her dialogue on the show was painfully awkward at best.
"Ugh," I groaned. I had heard through the grapevine that Crystal was still moping around the mansion because she had "her show taken away" and was upset that I was the one still on television. Any suggestion of my presence anywhere near Playboy sent Crystal into a frenzy.
What happened to the laid-back Crystal I had seen the last time I visited the mansion? "Are you serious? We didn't get into a fight," I snapped, exasperated by her immaturity. "Someone on Twitter pointed out that she copied my underwater photo shoot, and later I made a generic post about hating copycats. That's it. I didn't even mention her name or reply to the person who pointed it out! "I'm sorry that she has a guilty conscience," I huffed, rolling my eyes. Over the past few years, I definitely began to feel that for whatever reason Crystal was trying to Single White Female me. "And I'm sorry that she can't deal with people's comments on the Internet."

Summary: Your last encounter with Captain Kismet was unsettling, but has not put you off your goals or your plans. But the would-be space pirate king/queen is not one to give up, and unfortunately they’ve tracked you down at the worst possible time...
Part 1 Here
Word count: approx 1900
Must give credit, Ok to monetize. If you use this script, leave a link to your fill in the comments!
Feel free to change around suggested SFX, omit, or to create your own soundscape. Always okay to gender swap, change pronouns, change names, etc. Small line adjustments for easier flow are fine, but please no major changes to the story unless you ask first!
__Script begins__
SFX: a dungeon, complete with dripping walls and the occasional rattle of chains. In the distance, an eerie electronic humming/chanting.
SFX: the door swings open. The electronic sound gets louder.
Captain! Fear not - I’ve come to rescue you!
SFX: (alt voice) Get in there, pirate scum!
After one or two small details to work out. Oof!
SFX: a thump of the speaker shoved into a cell
SFX: the CLANG of metal bars slamming shut
My goodness, you hyperdrive cultists really go all out on the atmosphere. Did you import the moisture just to make your cells unpleasantly damp? (calling out after the guard as the guard retreats) My compliments to the Great Ascended Pooh-bah Muckety Muck Whatever!
SFX: the dungeon door swings shut
Whew, I thought that acolyte would never leave. Built like a bunkercraft under the robes, wasn’t he? You’ve got to hand it to the Holy and Agile Order of Interplanetary Paths and Engineering, they must have their followers on a killer work-out routine.
...
Captain? My darling. Speak to me. Are you all right?
...
Are you sure? You’re hitting your head rather rhythmically against that wall.
...
Hm. Think the translator glitched there, I heard that as “what fresh hell is this”? Doubtless some quaint and clever human turn of phrase, meaning ‘what undiluted rivers of joy I feel, now that Captain Kismet has arrived to save me in my hour of need.’
...
Yes, I did notice that I’m in a cell too. Sadly, not in the same cell as you. These cultists really have no sense of the thing. I should be kneeling over you, tenderly wiping your bruises and cuts...
...
They didn’t actually hurt you, did they? Don’t get me wrong, a little roughed up is a nice look on you, but, hm. Which one was it that laid hands on you?
...
Never you mind why I care. Idle curiosity. Which one was it?
...
The one in the robe and the overstylized mask. Hahaha. No matter. Plenty of folk matching that description running around.
...
What am I doing here? I told you, human. I came to rescue you. You hear that outside?
SFX: slight raise on the drone swells
It’s the beginning of the Puissant Calibration, where all four of Kayo’s moons and that one big asteroid will all come into alignment. Every priest, sensei, hieromonk, and intern in this temple are going to have their eyes on the skies. That’s our opportunity to escape - with this.
SFX: rustle of fabric
...
That’s right, Captain. A universal key and galactic lockbreaker combination micro mini multitool. They say only seventeen were ever made. Just four still survive. And this one is mine. You just sit right there, my dear. I’ll have you out in two shakes of a gambada swan’s tail feathers.
SFX: beep beep beep - then a sad ‘game-over’ boooooop.
Huh. That’s... oh, it’s not... Hmm. No wifi down here. Okay. No problem. Let’s try...
SFX: a mechanical whirrr - and a harsh Ka-CHUNK.
Oh, shoot.
...
No! Nothing’s wrong! That’s, ahem. That’s the beauty of the universal key and galactic lockbreaker combo multitool. There’s always another tool to multi. Let’s see, we’ve got the uh...
SFX: clink of the tool
...
The lock is what? ... Just.. an old rusty lock? No electronic component? No clockwork mechanism? No high powered laser booby traps, no crystal rods rigged to explosives?
...
(heavy sigh) No problem. No problem at all! An old fashioned solution for an old fashioned problem. Diamond edged nail file. Coming up.
SFX: Metal sawing as the speaker gets down to it.
...
Yep. Just a little elbow grease here, and we’ll be on our way, Captain.
...
Oh Captain, of course I found you. Our destinies are meant to intertwine, the fates themselves are pulling us into orbit. Also, it was fairly obvious if you were going to break out the prisoners in the slave mines, you’d need a route out of the system. So I asked myself, Kismet, what is the most insane way possible that one could get their hands on the Agile Order’s top secret interstellar telemetry data? And then wouldn’t you know it: here you were. Waiting for me.
...
The lock is coming just fine, thank you.
...
That’s where you’re wrong, my dear. I assure you, I am absolutely used to working with my hands. Once we get out of here, I’d be happy to show just how dextrous I can be.
...
(taken aback) I - I’m sure I don’t know what you mean by that. Me? Grow up on the Imperial planet? Please, Captain. I think you have me confused with someone else. The Imperials would shoot me out of the sky if a pirate like me dared to even approach their star system -
...
(suddenly harsh) Don’t speak that name here.
...
Oh, very good. Very clever, Captain. I see you’ve done your research too.
I am not an Imperial. Not... anymore. I never really was, not in any real sense of having any power. Six hundred and seventeenth from the throne doesn’t get you more than a one bedroom apartment, a military commission, and the occasional appearance in the duller celestial tabloid rags.
...
Yes. I suppose that is more than many people get in this galaxy. How did you know?
...
Don’t be coy. No one else has even suspected the circumstances of my origin. You figured it out in weeks. What did I give away?
...
I recognized you as human? How did that...
Oh.
Oh, of course. How else could I so confidently recognize a human unless I was familiar with them. And where else in the galaxy are humans so concentrated except in the Imperial palaces.
...
Don’t be dramatic. “Imperial slaves” is a rather prejudicial descriptor. Humans are highly valued contributors as administrators and teachers and, and...
...
“Pets” is hardly accurate either - Ugh. Why am I defending the Empire to you? You know what? Yes. You are absolutely right. Humans have been treated dreadfully by the Imperial family. Snatched off your home world, forced into service. One of the many sins the Empire has to answer for.
...
I am not trying to force you into the same situation - ! (clears throat, gets ahold of themself). Captain. I left the Imperials because I could no longer sit back casually and watch it happen any longer. The casual cruelty towards anyone who wasn’t us, building a pyramid of our peoples so we could hold the top for ourselves. I came to believe that there could be a different kind of system, one built on freedom and merit. You know how I came to believe in that?
...
Humans.
...
Every human I’ve ever gotten to know, I’ve admired. Even with the might of the Empire on your necks, there’s this unsquashable idealism inside you. This unshakable belief that things could be better. That things should be better. A rather inspiring perspective. One that I’ve taken with me.
...
That’s absolutely right, I take what I want. I’m making my own mark in this galaxy, with a name all my own, a family I choose myself.
Imagine my surprise and delight when I made it out here and found a human with the same ideas, same ideals, just waiting for me.
...
Yes, yes, not literally waiting for me. But - can’t see you see how this is meant to be? For both of us! I’m building the kind of kingdom that a human can be at home in. I’ve longed to see what any one of you would be capable of, if only given the freedom to exercise that intelligence, that passion. Now here’s the best human in the galaxy, right in front of me.
...
Don’t be modest, my dear. You are absolutely the best human I’ve ever met.
...
What’s that supposed to mean, “I think like an Imperial”? My dear Captain, why are you so resistant to this? Can’t you see I’m offering you a place at my side? Help me take this quadrant and we could rule. You would be second only to me! What could possibly be a worthier goal?
...
Ugh. Look, if breaking into the necronium mines means that much to you, I’ll help you.
...
Oh ho. Now I have your attention, don’t I? How very foolish of me not to realize sooner. Of course - my help in liberating the necronium mines: that’s your price.
...
Everyone has a price, human. That’s not thinking like an Imperial. That’s thinking like a pirate.
....
You’re a very strange pirate indeed, Captain. Because you’re not after the necronium or even the equipment and mining stations and spacecraft, are you? You’re out to free the slaves. How deliciously naive.
...
Oh, I believe you can. With the crystal encoded keys and the secret maps of the Holy and Agile Order, you’re most of the way there. The question is - after you liberate the captives, where do you intend to go with them?
...
Don’t turn away from me. I want to know. How will you fit them all into that little minnow ship of yours? Where will you bring all those thousands of half-starved, penniless, desperate fugitives? It seems to me that what you might need, more than anything, is a safe little corner of the galaxy where penniless, desperate fugitives might hide from the long tendrils of Imperial law. Hmmmm. Now I wonder who might be able to offer that to you...
...
...
You know exactly what I want in return.
...
You’re really considering it, aren’t you? You wouldn’t consider coming to my side for yourself, not for power, not for comfort. But for thousands of people you’ve never even met... Oh human. I’m going to such incredible things with you beside me.
...
To have you? Darling, I’d take in millions of refugees in exchange for you. A {king/queen} needs subjects after all. And I wouldn’t mind my own direct source of necronium while I’m at it...
...
No, I’m not going to put different slaves in the mines. We’ll... hire laborers. Hm, maybe some of the slaves would prefer to stay and run it themselves once we take over... Yes, yes, this is going to be quite an operation. But worth it. For you. Lay out your terms. And you’d better hurry, it sounds like the Holy Molys upstairs are hitting the exciting part.
...
Agreed. Safe passage for all to my harbor planet.
...
Oh, you don’t miss a trick, human. Safe and free passage. No debts owed, absolute freedom to stay or leave.
...
Food and housing for one galactic year!? Oh my dear. Don’t play your cards too aggressively.
...
We’ll see what we can do. We have some weeks to plan all this -
...
It can’t wait?
...
In ten days!? Oh my darling. I’m flattered by your confidence in me, but there is no way in the thirteen halls of hell we’re going to take over the largest Imperial prison mine in ten days-
...
Hey, calm down-. ... Lower your voice. Lower your voice! They’ll hear us!
...
I am not - Now, that is just uncalled for. I am making an extremely generous offer. What is your rush? You have a burning need to rescue the slaves that are there right now?
...
You... do. Don’t you? How foolish of me. This is some moral crusade. You’re saving... who? A friend? (building jealousy) A lover?
...
Never you mind why I care. Who is it?
...
A mistake? Oh no, Captain. My dear, dear human. You can’t go back on our deal. Not when we’re starting to get somewhere. You know so much about me. We’re just starting to learn about you - What’s that you’ve got there?
SFX: A rusty key squealing in the lock. The clunk of the lock cracking open.
...
You... had the key all along?! Captain, you -! .... Oh, of course. You knew about the Puissant Calibration. You’ve been waiting, here in the dungeon, to time your escape. You clever little...
...
Darling, surely you’re not going to leave me here?
...
Shades of deja vu. You’re right, I can get myself out of this. But more to the point, can you get yourself away from me?
SFX: a distant explosion. The chanting abruptly cuts off, replaced with distant shouts and screams.
Or to be more specific, you think you can get yourself away from the full might of my pirate armada?
...
That’s right, darling. Never say I don’t learn from my mistakes. The full might of my fleet is here to take this temple, this planet - and the spaceport, where I assume you’ve got that little minnow stashed?
...
(voice starts to fade as the listener runs) Run all you like, human! Even if you get away, I know where you’re going next. And I know where your heart lies. Run! Run faster! You can’t outrun Captain Kismet and your fate! (fading laughter)
__End Script__

After defeating Samoa Joe at AEW: Dynasty, Swerve Strickland is finally the AEW World Champion, and looks to establish himself as the top man in All Elite Wrestling with a dominant and hopefully lengthy title reign. However, now that Swerve finally has the top title, with it comes a target on his back, and now every man in the locker room will have their eyes set on him. Let’s see if he can rise to the occasion and prove himself worthy of being champion, or find out if his time on top ends up being short lived.
Road to Dynamite
On the first edition of AEW Dynamite following Swerve’s win as champion, Strickland kicks off the show by cutting a promo, promising to bring the company into a new era which he will lead by example. He criticizes several other world champions, name dropping Samoa Joe and MJF, and mentioning the “Head of the Table” as paper champions who rarely wrestled and were more than happy sitting in catering while the rest of the roster broke their necks performing on TV. Swerve says he plans on being a fighting champion and promises to wrestle on TV each week before his opponent, Kyle Fletcher, comes out to face him in an AEW Championship Eliminator match, which Swerve wins inside of 10 minutes.
The following Saturday, Swerve holds an open challenge for the AEW Championship on AEW: Collision, which is answered by Claudio Castagnoli. The two go on to wrestle in the main event of the show for over 20 minutes, which once again, ends with Swerve picking up the victory and retaining his title. Following the match, the two shake hands, but after Swerve is left in the ring alone by Claudio to celebrate his win. Swerve is attacked from behind by the former AEW Champion Samoa Joe. Joe brutally attack’s an exhausted Swerve, who is left unable to defend himself. Joe lays the champion out with a muscle buster before locking him in the Conquina Clutch, choking him out in the center of the ring. As Swerve reaches out gasping for air, Prince Nana runs out of the ring with Brian Cage and the Gate of Agony to chase off Joe, who escapes through the crowd as Collision comes to a close.
Following the attack, Samoa Joe is interview backstage in an AEW exclusive by Lexy Nair, who asks Joe why he attacked Swerve the way he did. Joe takes the microphone and says:
“Well Lexy, it's very simple, I was at home on Wednesday recovering from my match at Dynasty, watching Dynamite when I heard Swerve come out on national television and call me a paper champion. Let’s get one thing straight, I am a lot of things, but a fraud isn’t one of them. And I am not a man that takes disrespect like that lightly. So Swerve, take tonight’s beating as a lesson that your actions have consequences. Now as for your other declaration that you’re a fighting champion, how about we put that to the test too? This Wednesday, you versus me in a steel cage match for the AEW Championship. No Prince Nana. No Mogul Embassy. Just you and me man to man. Let’s see who the real fighting champion is. Accept the challenge if you think you got the balls for it, Swerve. I’ll be waiting.”
AEW: Dynamite - 5/1/2024
Despite pleas from Prince Nana and the rest of the Mogul Embassy not to accept the challenge, Swerve Strickland agrees to defend his AEW Championship against the former Champion Samoa Joe in a Steel Cage match, just 4 days removed after a brutal title defense against Claudio Castagnoli, after which, Joe attacked Swerve and choked him out in the center of the ring. Not wanting to wait for the main event, the two men decide to kick off the show with the title bout, and make their entrances to the rings alone before squaring off in the center of the ring as the cage door is locked and the referee calls for the bell.
Swerve Strickland © vs Samoa Joe: AEW Championship Steel Cage Match
The two men lock up to begin the match, with Swerve trying to nail Joe with punches to start off the bout, but Joe quickly overpowers him, backing Swerve up against the turnbuckle pads. Joe nails the champion with repeated chops across the chest before irish whipping him across the ring into the adjacent turnbuckle pads. Joe rushes at Swerve, hoping to squash him against the ring pads, but the champion bounces off the pads and nails Joe with a running knee to the chest, dropping the challenger down to a knee. Seeing an opening, Swerve runs the ropes and tries to hit Joe with a running cross body, but Joe catches him in mid air and hits Swerve with a snap scoop powerslam. The champion tries to get up to his feet quickly, but Joe grabs him by the hair and hurls him face first into the sides of the steel cage. Swerve tries to pull himself up quickly with the ropes, but Joe charges towards him and slams the champion against the cage walls.
Staying on offense, Joe drags Swerve back to the center of the ring before lifting him up onto his shoulders and nailing him with a knee crossed gutbuster. As Swerve lays down on the mat squirming as he tries to regain his composure, Joe hits him with a running senton, and as his massive weight crashes down on the champion, Joe goes for the first cover of the match, but Swerve kicks out at 2. Frustrated, Joe pulls Swerve up by the hair and irish whips him into the turnbuckle pads again. He charges towards him and slams him against the pads before climbing the ropes to gain leverage and starts nailing him in the head with jabs. Joe gets to the count of 9 with punches before Swerve gets a second wind, grabs Joe by his trunks and runs forwards to nail him with a running powerbomb. Swerve goes for the cover, but Joe kicks out and the match continues.
Now on offense, Swerve gets up to his feet and nails Joe with a chop across the chest before drilling him with a roundhouse kick right to his jaw, dropping Joe down to a knee. Seeing an opening, Swerve leaps onto the ropes before diving back towards Joe and nailing him with a cutter. Swerve goes for the cover again, but Joe kicks out at 2 once more. Looking to put him away for good, Strickland climbs up to the top ropes and leaps off of them to hit Joe with a House Call but at the last second, Joe rolls out of the way. Swerve rolls through the move ,regains his footing and charges at Joe, but Joe pulls himself against the ropes, catches Swerve and nails him with an ST Joe, dropping the champion to the ground. After taking a second to regain his composure, an exhausted Joe lifts up Swerve onto his shoulders and nails him with a muscle buster, hoping to finally but the champ away, but Swerve once again kicks out.
Furious, Joe quickly transitions into the Coquina Clutch and tries to incapacitate Swerve to win the match. The champion looks like he’s beginning to fade, but manages to power out of Joe’s submission and nails him with a spinning back kick as the two pop up to their feet, dropping Joe down to a knee. Swerve summons all the strength he has left and bounces off the ropes before nailing Joe with a running knee to the back of the head before going for the cover 1-2-NOOO!! Somehow Samoa Joe kicks out again and Swerve is in disbelief. Desperate to win, Swerve looks towards the sky and decides to climb to the top of the cage as Joe slowly makes his way back up to his feet. As Swerve reaches the top of the cage and turns back around, Joe finally stands back up and faces him with a daze. The champion takes a leap of faith and dive off the top of the cage, nailing Samoa Joe with a cross body before going for the cover and pinning him 1-2-3 to finally win the match.
Swerve Strickland def. Samoa Joe to retain the AEW Championship
Following the match, the cage is raised and Joe rolls outside the ring to be treated by the AEW medical team while Prince Nana and the rest of the Mogul Embassy come out to the ring to celebrate with Swerve. Brian Cage and the Gates of Agony lift the AEW Champion high onto their shoulders in victory as Strickland’s music plays through the arena, as for the time being, Swerve’s reign will continue.
Road to Double or Nothing
The following week on Dynamite, a 4-Way match pits Christian Cage, Samoa Joe, Wardlow and Dustin Rhodes against each other with the winner being named no. 1 contender for the AEW World Championship, set to face Swerve Strickland at Double or Nothing. Swerve joins the commentary team for the match and Christian Cage manages to pick up the win after pinning Dustin Rhodes. Following the match, Swerve gets up from the commentary desk, and he and Christian have a stare down in the center of the ring. In the lead up to Double or Nothing, Swerve teams up with the Gates of Agony to face off against Cage, Nick Wayne and Killswitch in a 6 man tag team match, which the Mogul Embassy lose after Bishop Kaun gets taken out by Killswitch and then pinned by Christian Cage. On the final edition of Dynamite before Double or Nothing, Swerve defeats Nick Wayne in a singles match and picks up momentum heading into his title defense against Christian.
AEW: Double or Nothing - 5/26/2024
In the semi-main event, the AEW World Champion Swerve Strickland defends his title against Christian Cage. Earlier in the evening, Brian Cage and the Gates of Agony are attacked backstage by the Patriarchy, meaning they will be unavailable for the evening’s main event. Cage makes his entrance first, escorted out to the ring by the entirety of the Patriarchy, while Swerve comes out only with Prince Nana in his corner. After a brief stare down prior to the start, the referee calls for the bell and the match begins.
Swerve Strickland © vs Christian Cage: AEW World Championship Match
The pair lock up and Swerve quickly gets the upper hand on Cage, backing him up against the turnbuckle pads and nailing him with chops across the chest. Swerve then takes a step back and bounces off the adjacent pads before rushing at Cage to hit him with a big boot against the post, but Christian rolls out of the ring to evade the attack and recover with his stable. Cage calls for a water bottle to rehydrate himself before rolling back into the ring at the count of 8, but quickly rolls back out again to regroup. Frustrated by the challenger's antics, Swerve jumps up onto the top turnbuckle and leaps towards the outside, taking out the entirety of the Patriarchy with a diving crossbody, however, Christian escapes at the last moment. As Swerve tries to get up to his feet quickly, Christian charges towards him and nails him with a spear on the outside of the ring. With the champion down, Cage clears off one of the announcers tables and loads Swerve onto it before nailing him with a killswitch on top of the table. The champion rolls onto the ground in pain, and Cage grabs him by the hair, rolls him back into the ring to go for a quick cover, but Swerve kicks out at 2 and the match continues.
Christian tries to stay on offense, nailing Swerve with punches to the forehead before setting him up for another killswitch. Swerve fights out of Cage’s finisher, grabs him by the waist and nails him with a german suplex as a reversal. Cage tries to pull himself up with the ropes, but Swerve stays on the attack and nails him with a running knee against the turnbuckle pads before dragging him back towards the center of the ring and going for a pin, but Cage kicks out at 2. Seeing a chance to put Cage away for good, Swerve climbs up to the top ropes and sets up to nail Cage with a House Call, however, Nick Wayne jumps up on the ring apron and tries to stop him. Swerve kicks Wayne off the apron, but the distraction allows Cage enough time to recover, and he runs up the turnbuckle pads, grabs hold of Swerve and nails him with a german suplex off the top ropes. Both men are down and slowly start to get up to their feet as the referee starts to count them out.
They both manage to beat the count and start trading punches in the center of the ring. Swerve gets the upper hand and manages to take down Christian. He climbs back up to the top ropes, finally nails Cage with the House Call and the referee goes to count the pin 1-2- Killswitch pulls the referee out of the ring and throws him into the ringside barricade to break the count. As Swerve stares down Killswitch in disbelief, Nick Wayne slides into the ring behind Swerve and nails him in the back of the head with the AEW Championship belt. The champion goes down and Wayne and Killswitch take turns beating him down. Killswitch nails him with a chokeslam before he and Wayne pull Swerve up to his feet and Cage picks up the AEW Championship belt. He sets up to nail Swerve in the face with it, but before he can, Brian Cage and the Gates of Agony rush out to the ring to make the save. The two stables end up in a massive brawl into the crowd, leaving Cage and Swerve alone in the ring. Cage goes to hit Swerve with the belt but the champion evades it, bounces off the ropes and nails him with a running knee. With Cage down, Swerve climbs up to the top ropes one last time and leaps off of them to nail the House Call on Christian as the referee rolls back into the ring to count the pin 1-2-3.
Swerve Strickland def. Christian Cage to retain the AEW World Championship
Following the match, an exhausted Swerve is joined back in the ring with the rest of his stable, and together the 5 of them walk towards the top of the entrance ramp and pose with the AEW World Championship. On the 5th anniversary show, it appears that Swerve Strickland has solidified himself as the top champion in AEW...or has he?
Road to Forbidden Door
Following Double or Nothing, Swerve Strickland continues his streak of dominance, picking up singles victories against the likes of Daniel Garcia and Rey Fenix in Championship Eliminator matches on Dynamite and Collision. Following these victories, Swerve is interviewed in the ring by Renee Paquette regarding who he plans on defending his title against at the upcoming AEW X NJPW: Forbidden Door PPV. Swerve says that he is the most dominant champion not just in AEW, but in professional wrestling today, and it doesn’t matter who he is matched up against, because he 100% plans on bringing home a “the dub.” Just as he finishes speaking, microphone static begins to sound through the arena as Wild Thing by X begins to play and the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion Jon Moxley, fresh off of his victory against EVIL at NJPW Dominion, makes his way to the ring. After a brief stare down, Moxley takes the microphone out of his wife Renee’s hand before asking her to leave the ring while he and Swerve talk “man to man.”
“Swerve, listen man. You’re on a nice little run right now. I’m not gonna say you’re not. I mean you’ve got the belt. The crowd likes you. You have that short guy with the funny hat doing that dance when you make your entrance. It’s all good stuff. There’s only one problem. You don’t get to call yourself the best until you beat me. I don’t care that you’re the world champion. Right now, so am I. In fact, that belt on your shoulder, I’ve held more times than anyone. As of today, I am the only man to hold the AEW, IWGP and WWE World Championships. You think just because you had a few good months that you get to call yourself the best? I’ve been in the main event for 10 straight years. I am the ace of this company. Every conversation about who’s number 1 begins and ends with me. But don’t worry, I’m going to give you the chance to prove yourself. You see, you need an opponent at Forbidden Door and so do I. So I say, let’s settle the who’s the real world champion debate to bed and put both belts on the line. AEW Championship vs IWGP Championship. Are you man enough for it?”
After a moment of contemplation, Swerve takes the microphone from Moxley’s hand before simply responding, “You’re on!”
In the lead up to Forbidden Door, Swerve Strickland and the Mogul Embassy enter into a feud with Moxley’s Blackpool Combat Club. Swerve picks up a singles win against Wheeler Yuta on Dynamite while Moxley defeats Brian Cage on Collision. On the final edition of Dynamite before Forbidden Door, in the main event, Moxley teams with Claudio Castagnoli and Shota Umino to face off against Swerve and the Gates of Agony, in which Moxley picks up the win for his team after forcing Toa Liona to submit to a rear naked choke, putting the AEW Champion at a disadvantage heading into their title vs title clash at Forbidden Door.
AEW X NJPW: Forbidden Door - 6/30/2024
After weeks of build up, for the first time ever, the AEW and IWGP Championships will be defended in a title vs title match, with the winner walking out with two of the top prizes in all of professional wrestling. Strickland comes out to the ring flanked by the entirety of the Mogul Embassy, while Moxley is walked out by his BCC stablemates. However, before the match begins, by order of AEW CEO Tony Khan and NJPW President Hiroshi Tanahashi, all of them will be barred from ringside to keep the match fair. Once all are clear, the referee calls for the bell and the main event is underway.
Swerve Strickland vs Jon Moxley: AEW Championship & IWGP World Championship Match
The two circle each other around the ring before locking up, and Moxley quickly gets the upper hand, overpowering Swerve and putting him into a headlock. AEW Champion manages to fight off Moxley and pushes him into the ring ropes. Moxley bounces off of them and goes to hit Swerve with a clothesline, but he ducks under it and as Moxley stops himself on the ropes, Strickland rushes at him and clotheslines him over the top and to the outside. Moxley quickly tries to get back up to his feet, but Swerve takes advantage and bounces off the ropes before nailing Jon with a suicide dive to the outside of the ring. Swerve stays on offense and grabs the IWGP Champion’s arm before irish whipping him into the ring post, dropping him down to the ground.
With his opponent down on the outside of the ring, Swerve walks over to the time keeper’s area and picks up both championship belts and holds them up over his head, cockily taunting Jon Moxley. Swerve then pulls up Moxley by the head and rolls him back into the ring before climbing up to the top ropes. The AEW Champion leaps off of them and goes to hit Jon with a diving elbow, but Moxley spins his body around at the last second and catches Swerve, locking him in a headlock. As Moxley tries to choke Swerve out, Strickland flails his arms around trying to escape Jon’s hold before flipping his body over, turning Moxley’s submission into a pinfall and forcing him to break the hold. The two both pop up to their feet and Moxley rushes at Swerve, taking him down with a clothesline. Strickland tries to rush up to his feet, but Moxley grabs him from behind and nails him with a suplex, dropping Swerve on his head. Swerve tries to crawl over to the ropes to pull himself up, but Moxley rushes at him, nailing the AEW Champion with a running knee to the back of the head. Swerve falls backwards onto the mat and Moxley goes for the cover, however, Swerve kicks out and the match continues.
Moxley sits Swerve up and begins nailing him with elbow strikes to the head repeatedly before he falls backwards onto the mat. Moxley stands him up and goes to nail Swerve with the Deathrider DDT, but Strickland plants his feet and fights out of Moxley’s hold, grabbing him from under his legs and lifts him up over his shoulders, nailing Jon with a vertical suplex and taking the IWGP Champion down. With Moxley down, Swerve pops up to his feet and bounces off the ropes before nailing Moxley with a running knee. Moxley drops down to a knee but doesn’t go down, so Swerve sets up for a second running knee. As he charges forwards, Moxley evades his attack and grabs onto Swerve’s right arm, dragging him down to the mat and locking him in an arm bar submission. Strickland tries to fight out of it but Moxley has it locked in tight, and as Jon looks to force his opponent to tap out, Swerve manages to swing his body around and get one of his feet on the ropes, forcing Moxley to break the hold.
Frustrated, Moxley pulls Swerve up to his feet and irish whips him across the ring into the ring post. Moxley rushes at him and nails Swerve with a clothesline against the pads before climbing up the ropes to gain leverage on Swerve, and he begins nailing him with punches. Moxley hits Strickland with punch after punch, until he snaps out of his daze, grabs Jon by the pants, lifts him up onto his shoulders and rushes forwards, nailing him with a powerbomb. The AEW Champion goes for the cover, but Moxley quickly kicks out of it. Swerve stays on offense and locks Jon into a crossface submission, trying to force him to submit, but Moxley refuses to, and instead fights out of Swerve’s hold. The two men make it back up to their feet in the center of the ring and go back and forth exchanging punches.
Swerve nails the IWGP Champion with a punch, but Jon follows it back with one more in return. Shot after shot. Each blow gets harder and harder before finally, Swerve gets off a few consecutive strikes, sending Moxley falling backwards into the ropes, but Moxley explodes off of the ropes and nails Swerve with a clothesline. Both men slowly get up to their feet, but Moxley manages to stand up first. He sets up to hit Swerve with another thunderous clothesline but as Moxley charges forwards, Swerve pulls the referee in front of him and Moxley takes him out by mistake. As Moxley looks on in horror as the referee rolls out of the ring in pain, Swerve takes advantage and nails Moxley with a low blow. As Moxley drops down to the mat, Swerve climbs up to the top ropes, jumps off of them and nails the IWGP Champion with the House Call and goes for the cover but there is no referee to make the count.
As Swerve lays across Moxley exhausted, Brian Cage rushes out from backstage and grabs the AEW Championship belt from ringside. He slides into the ring and tells Swerve to hold Moxley up so he can hit him with it, but as Cage charges forwards, he double crosses Swerve and nails him in the head instead. As Swerve collapses on the mat unconscious, Cage looks on in disgust as he throws the title to the side and heads backstage as the crowd is in disbelief. Moxley slowly drags himself up to his feet, pulls up Strickland and nails him with the Deathrider DDT before the referee rolls back into the ring and counts the pinfall 1-2-3!!!
Jon Moxley def. Swerve Strickland to retain the IWGP World Championship and win the AEW Championship for a record setting 4th time.
Following the match, the rest of the BCC came out to celebrate the victory with an exhausted Jon Moxley, who has now made history, becoming the first man to hold the IWGP and AEW World Championships Simultaneously. However, on the losing side, Swerve Strickland is in disbelief his own stablemate Brian Cage cost him the match and the top title in the company, and will surely want an explanation from him come Wednesday. Forbidden Door ended up being one of the most unpredictable of PPV’s AEW had ever seen and the landscape of the championship picture in All Elite Wrestling has now shifted. But one thing is for certain, as crazy as 2024 has been for AEW, plenty more twists are likely still to come.

Day 1: post op surgery . I have pain but similar to tonsillitis or strep. Able to swallow with moderate pain. Drinking alot of water and eating ice chips. I was hungry so I had soft scrambled eggs with mashed avocado. That was fine it took me 45 minutes to eat 1 egg and 1/2 a small Hass avocado. I took Tylenol and have an ice pack for my throat. I can talk (more of a whisper) but avoiding it to help decrease swelling. Tonight I will end my night with )l motrin , and 1 dose of Oxycotin mostly to help me sleep through the night. I will continue to drink water all night , use throat ice pack, and sleep with humidifer to help keep my throat moisture. Oh yeah and I will also take 1 table spoon of Honey onion garlic and ginger mixture to help soothing ( i did this daily althought its not added in other entries). At 2 AM I woke up I'm alot of pain I had to take more medication the meds I had took were wearing off. I did not sleep well through the night. Also felt like I could taste blood but when I spit nothing was coming up.. so im guessing it was just residual blood for the procedure... overall pain level 4/10 at night when meds wore off and I woke up 8/10.
Day 2 : Woke up 717 AM feeling super dry despite running a humdifier 24.7. Ice chips and a popsicle to help calm things down . I don't feel well but it could be lack of sleep. Anyways I am preparing to take mortin again. I am taking ibuprofen/motrin alternating every 4-6 hrs with Oxycotin every 4-6 hrs. WARNING set an alarm for more meds so there isn't a lapse when they wear off. OK so I tired drinking a chocolate protien shake before my meds it was too hard to swallow. I took meds and now I'm chewing gum and drinking ice cold water. Pain after meds kicked in is tolerable. Similar to a strep throat although my throat and lips appear to have swelling. I was able to get down 1/2 avocado and steamed chicken dumplings mashed up once meds kicked in. Continued ice water and Ice pack wrap around my neck to reduce swelling. Also took nausea meds . Attempted to nap but I could not. Now I'm eating some protient oatmeal. I went outside today walked my dog hung out in the sun . Did light house choirs vacuum and dishes. I did eat a few bites of the sushi roll but for some reason my stomach turned Maybe because I was eating raw fish and my stomach was messed up from the meds.. after 3 rolls I was feeling nausea so I stopped eating.
Day 3: I am in agony now. Woke up super inflamed unable to swallow or breathe properly. Very painful trying to get the liquid meds down. I took mortin with Oxycotin . I took oral prednisone to help with swelling. Popicle for instant relief. Once things calmed I ate oatmeal and ice chips. Ice chips r my savior. I have ice pack around my mouth. Able to eat the remaining three sushi rolls. Pain level is now manageable. ... DO NOT LAPSE PAIN meds before bed you will wake up in excruciating pain unable to swallow or breathe. Keep drinking water and ice chips best relief.
Day 4: Was not in as much pain as normal because I made sure I stayed on top of the meds. My throat did hurt a little bit more but I think i could fell the scab pealing off.. I woke up stomach upset I am starving & nauseas. My husband made me protien oatmeal very hard and painful to swallow. I had pedaltye today for the electrolytes. Eating a mashed banana it really uncomfortable to swallow. Later on I successfully eat rice noodle soup with chicken, a couple bites of chow mein, and 2 pieces of general toas chicken. Yes it was hard to eat like it hurts but I managed. I was so hungry I ate a small lemon ricotta crepe that was super soft and a small amount of mango sorbet. That was delicious... ice water for the rest of the night. Ice pack around my throat for the rest of the night. Pain was manageable but Def hurt when swallowing.
Day 5: woke up at 430 AM pain meds wearing off because I didn't take oxy as schedule . I woke up took Tylenol and motrin every 4-6, had a popsicle to calm down my throat because again the feeling of glass and burning were present. I took Miralax to help me with constipation. In the mean time I was eating mashed eggs and avocado it goes down okay it definitely hurts 8/10 when I eat but the key is to chew your food a millions times before swallowing and follow it up with ice chips. In the middle of eating I had to rush to the bathroom. The pain to release gas from my stomach was awful so bad I sat there for 40 minutes tryna not to strain my throat. Finally after 40 minutes I was able to release some stomach matter. It's beautiful outside so I'll probably be spending time out there .I can talk very quietly and slowly in intervals but I'm choosing not to talk much just want my throat to heal faster. So I drank 1 16 oz bottle of coconut water for electrolytes. Never finished my eggs I feel hott and sick probably from trying to do stuff around the house. I am going to take my Tylenol and 1/2 of a gummy edibles and lay down . Still not oxy- I'm waiting for night time as I only have 3 left and dr. Never called back for refill. Trying to eat oatmeal with banana and strawberry puree. The right side hurts alot the left not so much.. The pain is manageable but when trying to eat it hurts alot 8/10. Which sucks because I'm actually starving. I could not sleep at all last night I was in so much pain. I honestly think it was from laying down flat. So after another round of meds I proppped up 2 pillow and tryed to lay up on an angle. Woke up with pain at 730 but not as much pain I was in during that day.
Day 6: Today I didn't wake up in agony. There was pain 7/10 , but after taking motrin and wearing my ice Pack it's down to a 4/10. Im sitting up in bed eating ice chips. I would honestly like to clean a tad bit more if I can today. I only have 1 oxy left so I have to save for emergency pain. I taste blood but there is no blood in my spit must be the scabs falling off. Also I'm still slightly constipated but I am able to pass small bowel movements now. Was able to endure a deep spring cleaning today . Drinking 16 oz coconut water now still rotating mortin and ibuprofen every 3-4 hours. I can see a reduction in the pain except for when I eat. I eat soft foods and it hurts to swallow so mostly likely today will be broth with rice again. I don't feel sick and drained even though I haven't slept in almost a week. Today I will try to get bed at like midnight. The pain is only agonizing like when i try to lay down . I ate a few bites of Greek yogurt still uncomfortable but i took more meds and ill wait so i can eat the mac and cheese my husband bought me. Ok so by 800PM the pain came back and I wasn't home so didn't take my meds til 9pm again I feel miserable I'm in so much pain. Just took meds and last oxy now laying in bed ice pack and ice chips popsicle. Pain level swallowing 9/10. Woke up at 4 am in pain barley slept. I was up in pain most of the night.
Day 7: checked the back of my Throat it just appears white and red.... not sure what I am looking for .I definitely felt the scabs though and I've also tasted slight bleeding so I assume they are healing.. Anyways woke up with ice pack and popsicle can't. At this point mentally I'm starting to get drained. I'm hungry and tired. Bed for a while. Also my ears do hurt today but not too bad they ar bearable..husband called in a refill for Motrin and oxy. Once med kicked I'm I got down 1 scrambled egg and about 1/4 cup of mac and cheesIe. I mean yeah it hurt to swallow but was manageable 6/10 . Also drinking warm tea with honey is soothing. Ice water non stop and ice wrap. I am gonna take a oxy to help me sleep for a few . Couldn't s Nap :'(. Took another round of tylenol making myself a soup with chicken dumplings. Gonna eat and then relax in the bath tub for about an hour. I hope tomorrow things gets better for me. . The soup was over salted which resulted me in agonizing chronic burning pain . Got so bad i had to take an oxy prednisone and tylenol ... ice chips layed down.
Day 8- last night I actually slept a few hours without much discomfort. This morning throat was a little dry but not nearly as bad as it's been . Took some motrin and ice chips and honestly I could probably try to go back to sleep. Today i am going to attempt Chipotle and drink plenty of ice water + fluids. I feel much better today . Like the pain is very manageable. 2/10 this morning once motrin kicked in prior 5/10, b4 meds. Today focused on doing light choirs and resting. Pain kicked back In . Back to ice pack, ice chips, and tylenol. I was hopeful I could eat something good without agony but every bite that I forced down my throat was agonizing. I knew I had to do it because food helps the body heal faster but also helps with removing residual scabbing. Hot shower and bath- next dose of tylenol is scheduled for 8pm . Between now and than ill drink a warm cup of soothing tea and honey.
Day 9- I slept thru the night again . I did wake up every 4 hrs for meds. Today I managed to get alot of cleaning done + made a run to target because why not it's beautiful outside. This morning I managed to eat a scrambled egg although painful I got through it. Currently I am trying to eat my left over Chipotle that was so very painful to eat last night. I am finally eating it without excruciating pain but it does still hurt to swallow so im not really enjoying the food mostly just tryna get it down my pipes for fuel. I used my ice Pack this morning , ice chips all morning. Also just made myself a warm tea with honey to sooth my throat after eating this food. Seems like things are getting better. Eating is definitely not 100% as I have to eat very slowly, chew 1 million times and follow most bites up with water. I will stay definitely an improvement. I ate a whole side of mash potatoes. It took me like 1 hour and I hurt a little but I did it.
Day 10- woke up at 245AM in pain again, lapsed on my meds cuz sleeping just feels too dam good after not being able to sleep for a week. Also I know even though I have a dehumidifier my room is drying out my throat and that's why it hurting more. Set an alarm for 7 am woke up again in pain. I was one hour over due for meds. Up now sucking on ice chips with ice wrap on. I can Def feel the scabs hanging on by a thread esp the right side. At this point I'm getting annoyed because I just want to be over this pain threshold. I want to be able to get back to my normal routine cooking, cleaning , working out, being in less pain. There's Def improvement and the meds work almost instantly now once I take them. Feeling ok I went for a 3 5 mile walk today and layed out in the sun. Other than that I been in bed all day. Just tryna give my body proper rest. By 230pm I was able to eat eggs and pico de galo. It was mildly uncomfortable but nothing to crazy took me like 1 hour to eat but I did it. Throat is feeling better. Just finished a bowl of pho (beef noodle soup). It was delicious I got full fast and my throat does hurt a tad bit because I was swallowing pretty decent sizes of thinly sliced beef. Went down a little rough . Finishing off with ice cold water . I
Day 1: post op surgery . I have pain but similar to tonsillitis or strep. Able to swallow with moderate pain. Drinking alot of water and eating ice chips. I was hungry so I had soft scrambled eggs with mashed avocado. That was fine it took me 45 minutes to eat 1 egg and 1/2 a small Hass avocado. I took Tylenol and have an ice pack for my throat. I can talk (more of a whisper) but avoiding it to help decrease swelling. Tonight I will end my night with )l motrin , and 1 dose of Oxycotin mostly to help me sleep through the night. I will continue to drink water all night , use throat ice pack, and sleep with humidifer to help keep my throat moisture. Oh yeah and I will also take 1 table spoon of Honey onion garlic and ginger mixture to help soothing ( i did this daily althought its not added in other entries). At 2 AM I woke up I'm alot of pain I had to take more medication the meds I had took were wearing off. I did not sleep well through the night. Also felt like I could taste blood but when I spit nothing was coming up.. so im guessing it was just residual blood for the procedure... overall pain level 4/10 at night when meds wore off and I woke up 8/10.
Day 2 : Woke up 717 AM feeling super dry despite running a humdifier 24.7. Ice chips and a popsicle to help calm things down . I don't feel well but it could be lack of sleep. Anyways I am preparing to take mortin again. I am taking ibuprofen/motrin alternating every 4-6 hrs with Oxycotin every 4-6 hrs. WARNING set an alarm for more meds so there isn't a lapse when they wear off. OK so I tired drinking a chocolate protien shake before my meds it was too hard to swallow. I took meds and now I'm chewing gum and drinking ice cold water. Pain after meds kicked in is tolerable. Similar to a strep throat although my throat and lips appear to have swelling. I was able to get down 1/2 avocado and steamed chicken dumplings mashed up once meds kicked in. Continued ice water and Ice pack wrap around my neck to reduce swelling. Also took nausea meds . Attempted to nap but I could not. Now I'm eating some protient oatmeal. I went outside today walked my dog hung out in the sun . Did light house choirs vacuum and dishes. I did eat a few bites of the sushi roll but for some reason my stomach turned Maybe because I was eating raw fish and my stomach was messed up from the meds.. after 3 rolls I was feeling nausea so I stopped eating.
Day 3: I am in agony now. Woke up super inflamed unable to swallow or breathe properly. Very painful trying to get the liquid meds down. I took mortin with Oxycotin . I took oral prednisone to help with swelling. Popicle for instant relief. Once things calmed I ate oatmeal and ice chips. Ice chips r my savior. I have ice pack around my mouth. Able to eat the remaining three sushi rolls. Pain level is now manageable. ... DO NOT LAPSE PAIN meds before bed you will wake up in excruciating pain unable to swallow or breathe. Keep drinking water and ice chips best relief.
Day 4: Was not in as much pain as normal because I made sure I stayed on top of the meds. My throat did hurt a little bit more but I think i could fell the scab pealing off.. I woke up stomach upset I am starving & nauseas. My husband made me protien oatmeal very hard and painful to swallow. I had pedaltye today for the electrolytes. Eating a mashed banana it really uncomfortable to swallow. Later on I successfully eat rice noodle soup with chicken, a couple bites of chow mein, and 2 pieces of general toas chicken. Yes it was hard to eat like it hurts but I managed. I was so hungry I ate a small lemon ricotta crepe that was super soft and a small amount of mango sorbet. That was delicious... ice water for the rest of the night. Ice pack around my throat for the rest of the night. Pain was manageable but Def hurt when swallowing.
Day 5: woke up at 430 AM pain meds wearing off because I didn't take oxy as schedule . I woke up took Tylenol and motrin every 4-6, had a popsicle to calm down my throat because again the feeling of glass and burning were present. I took Miralax to help me with constipation. In the mean time I was eating mashed eggs and avocado it goes down okay it definitely hurts 8/10 when I eat but the key is to chew your food a millions times before swallowing and follow it up with ice chips. In the middle of eating I had to rush to the bathroom. The pain to release gas from my stomach was awful so bad I sat there for 40 minutes tryna not to strain my throat. Finally after 40 minutes I was able to release some stomach matter. It's beautiful outside so I'll probably be spending time out there .I can talk very quietly and slowly in intervals but I'm choosing not to talk much just want my throat to heal faster. So I drank 1 16 oz bottle of coconut water for electrolytes. Never finished my eggs I feel hott and sick probably from trying to do stuff around the house. I am going to take my Tylenol and 1/2 of a gummy edibles and lay down . Still not oxy- I'm waiting for night time as I only have 3 left and dr. Never called back for refill. Trying to eat oatmeal with banana and strawberry puree. The right side hurts alot the left not so much.. The pain is manageable but when trying to eat it hurts alot 8/10. Which sucks because I'm actually starving. I could not sleep at all last night I was in so much pain. I honestly think it was from laying down flat. So after another round of meds I proppped up 2 pillow and tryed to lay up on an angle. Woke up with pain at 730 but not as much pain I was in during that day.
Day 6: Today I didn't wake up in agony. There was pain 7/10 , but after taking motrin and wearing my ice Pack it's down to a 4/10. Im sitting up in bed eating ice chips. I would honestly like to clean a tad bit more if I can today. I only have 1 oxy left so I have to save for emergency pain. I taste blood but there is no blood in my spit must be the scabs falling off. Also I'm still slightly constipated but I am able to pass small bowel movements now. Was able to endure a deep spring cleaning today . Drinking 16 oz coconut water now still rotating mortin and ibuprofen every 3-4 hours. I can see a reduction in the pain except for when I eat. I eat soft foods and it hurts to swallow so mostly likely today will be broth with rice again. I don't feel sick and drained even though I haven't slept in almost a week. Today I will try to get bed at like midnight. The pain is only agonizing like when i try to lay down . I ate a few bites of Greek yogurt still uncomfortable but i took more meds and ill wait so i can eat the mac and cheese my husband bought me. Ok so by 800PM the pain came back and I wasn't home so didn't take my meds til 9pm again I feel miserable I'm in so much pain. Just took meds and last oxy now laying in bed ice pack and ice chips popsicle. Pain level swallowing 9/10. Woke up at 4 am in pain barley slept. I was up in pain most of the night.
Day 7: checked the back of my Throat it just appears white and red.... not sure what I am looking for .I definitely felt the scabs though and I've also tasted slight bleeding so I assume they are healing.. Anyways woke up with ice pack and popsicle can't. At this point mentally I'm starting to get drained. I'm hungry and tired. Bed for a while. Also my ears do hurt today but not too bad they ar bearable..husband called in a refill for Motrin and oxy. Once med kicked I'm I got down 1 scrambled egg and about 1/4 cup of mac and cheesIe. I mean yeah it hurt to swallow but was manageable 6/10 . Also drinking warm tea with honey is soothing. Ice water non stop and ice wrap. I am gonna take a oxy to help me sleep for a few . Couldn't s Nap :'(. Took another round of tylenol making myself a soup with chicken dumplings. Gonna eat and then relax in the bath tub for about an hour. I hope tomorrow things gets better for me. . The soup was over salted which resulted me in agonizing chronic burning pain . Got so bad i had to take an oxy prednisone and tylenol ... ice chips layed down.
Day 8- last night I actually slept a few hours without much discomfort. This morning throat was a little dry but not nearly as bad as it's been . Took some motrin and ice chips and honestly I could probably try to go back to sleep. Today i am going to attempt Chipotle and drink plenty of ice water + fluids. I feel much better today . Like the pain is very manageable. 2/10 this morning once motrin kicked in prior 5/10, b4 meds. Today focused on doing light choirs and resting. Pain kicked back In . Back to ice pack, ice chips, and tylenol. I was hopeful I could eat something good without agony but every bite that I forced down my throat was agonizing. I knew I had to do it because food helps the body heal faster but also helps with removing residual scabbing. Hot shower and bath- next dose of tylenol is scheduled for 8pm . Between now and than ill drink a warm cup of soothing tea and honey.
Day 9- I slept thru the night again . I did wake up every 4 hrs for meds. Today I managed to get alot of cleaning done + made a run to target because why not it's beautiful outside. This morning I managed to eat a scrambled egg although painful I got through it. Currently I am trying to eat my left over Chipotle that was so very painful to eat last night. I am finally eating it without excruciating pain but it does still hurt to swallow so im not really enjoying the food mostly just tryna get it down my pipes for fuel. I used my ice Pack this morning , ice chips all morning. Also just made myself a warm tea with honey to sooth my throat after eating this food. Seems like things are getting better. Eating is definitely not 100% as I have to eat very slowly, chew 1 million times and follow most bites up with water. I will stay definitely an improvement. I ate a whole side of mash potatoes. It took me like 1 hour and I hurt a little but I did it.
Day 10- woke up at 245AM in pain again, lapsed on my meds cuz sleeping just feels too dam good after not being able to sleep for a week. Also I know even though I have a dehumidifier my room is drying out my throat and that's why it hurting more. Set an alarm for 7 am woke up again in pain. I was one hour over due for meds. Up now sucking on ice chips with ice wrap on. I can Def feel the scabs hanging on by a thread esp the right side. At this point I'm getting annoyed because I just want to be over this pain threshold. I want to be able to get back to my normal routine cooking, cleaning , working out, being in less pain. There's Def improvement and the meds work almost instantly now once I take them. Feeling ok I went for a 3 5 mile walk today and layed out in the sun. Other than that I been in bed all day. Just tryna give my body proper rest. By 230pm I was able to eat eggs and pico de galo. It was mildly uncomfortable but nothing to crazy took me like 1 hour to eat but I did it. Throat is feeling better. Just finished a bowl of pho (beef noodle soup). It was delicious I got full fast and my throat does hurt a tad bit because I was swallowing pretty decent sizes of thinly sliced beef. Went down a little rough . Finishing off with ice cold water .
Day 11-14: slight-moderate pain during swallowing. Only taking motrin 2-3x day and 1 oxy at night . Sleeping fully through the night. Sleeping with a dehumidifier to reduce dry mouth. Still painful to yawn.... eating more but still sticking with easier things to eat. (No spicy or sharp edges). Scabs pretty much healed. Overall I am at the finish line now.
Tips: 1. Do not lapse on pain meds. Set alarm for every 4-6 hrs. Alternating motrin/ibuprofen. 2. Ice pack is a huge necessity . It helps woth swelling and gives relief. 3. Sleep with dehumidifier- waking up to a dry throat is very unpleasant 4. Popsicles, sorbet and ice chips constantly 5. Warm tea with honey daily

Lonely Castle in the Mirror, by Mizuki Tsujimura
"Lonely Castle in the Mirror" is a genre-savvy portal fantasy about junior high students who get drawn into a mysterious castle when they're supposed to be in school. Kokoro had a terrible experience early in the school year that's made her terrified of facing her classmates, and develops some kind of (psychosomatic?) illness that prevents her from attending either the normal school or a special alternative school for students who need more support. Shortly after this, her bedroom mirror turns into a portal to the castle with six other students who are also not in school during the normal hours. The "Wolf Queen" in charge--an elementary school girl who enjoys allusions to "Little Red Riding Hood"--tells them all that there's a secret key in the castle that can grant one wish, and they have a year to find it and, potentially, use it. Also, if anyone is caught in the castle outside of the 9-5 school day timeframe, they'll all be eaten by a wolf.
So, these painfully shy students have the opportunity to make friends and have a non-terrifying experience with kids their own age, and they all enjoy bonding and playing video games and drinking tea together, and for the most part nobody cares about finding the key, because that would make the castle close and prematurely end their new friendship. For most of the book, the contrived quest stuff doesn't play into it. And then when it does, it kind of lampshades "oh yeah I have to do this on speedrun mode."
There are a lot of takes pointing out that books where "the magic goes away"/"everyone loses their memories"/"we just have to move on with our lives and pretend like the portal fantasy never happened" can be pretty messed up. In this book, however, I couldn't find myself relating to the characters because it felt like a perverse incentives situation. Yes, middle school is an emotionally volatile, turbulent, unpleasant environment full of many immature people. This is a pretty common experience, actually. Kokoro just can't handle it, and as a response, the infinitely patient teacher at the alternative school reassures her mother that she's battling really hard and it's not her fault, she just can't go to school, and then she gets to go through a portal into fantasy world with people who play video games and eat snacks all day...? I understand there's more to it than that, but something has to change about this situation because otherwise this really isn't the message you want to send. (Once we learn about the backgrounds and life situations of some of the other students, I can imagine how it was easier for people like Subaru and Aki to fall through the cracks, but it feels like, eg, Masamune and Ureshino's junior high situation should have had some kind of guidance counselor or adult in the room. The readers' guide in the back of the book describes Kokoro as a "futoko," and I understand this is more pervasive in Japan than elsewhere, but I have a hard time accepting that seventh graders staying home for months on end with no apparent homeschooling or tutoring gets such a shrug.)
The prose didn't really grab me, sometimes it felt awkward ("That day, Fuka apparently enjoyed the chocolates back home, for she faithfully reported to Kokoro that 'they were delicious.'") and there were a several parts with very. short. one. line. paragraphs.

Kokoro tried to convince herself that she hadn't been at home that day. Miori and the others had simply pounded on the door of an empty house, trampled over the patio, gone round and round over outside of the house. But nothing actually happened. Nothing at all. She never was about to be killed. And yet the next day, she said, "I have a stomachache." And she really did. It was no lie. And her mother chimed in: "You do look pale. Are you OK?" And that's when Kokoro stopped going to school.

A few paragraphs later:

Would she be able to protect herself?
The only place she could now go to freely from her bedroom was the castle.
If I'm in the castle, she started to think, then I'll be safe.
Only the castle beyond the mirror could offer her complete protection.

Girl, I know your mental health isn't the greatest, but we're talking about the place where people threatened you with being eaten alive by a wolf. ??? Sorry, my suspension of belief does not extend this far.
There's also a random red herring with a neighbor student whose father has an interest in researching fairy tales, and like, maybe that "real world" location/characters are related in some way to the portal world? No, it's just a fortuitous coincidence that helps Kokoro have access to more Western fairy tale info.
The good news is, about halfway through the characters start developing some genre-savviness and realizing what they have in common, and towards the end, things pick up significantly in terms of how and why some of the arbitrary fairy-tale logic came about. So it definitely sticks the landing in that way.
Bingo: Prologue/Epilogue, Author of Color, Book Club
Promise of the Flame, by Sylvia Louise Engdahl
At the end of "Stewards of the Flame," to which this book is a sequel, our heroes Jesse, Carla, and Peter had hijacked a spaceship and jumped to an uninhabited planet to set up a colony where humans could develop psionic powers free from the medical bureaucracy of Undine. Jesse's hyperspace jump was rushed and not perfectly calculated, so in order to ensure their oxygen supply makes it all the way to planet Maclairn (named after their late founder), the Group had to confront their deepest fear and brave the stasis boxes that had been Chekhov-gunned several times in the last section. As the existence of the sequel implies, the protagonists and most of their comrades survive stasis. But while, in "Stewards," the hyperspace navigation "error"/imperfection sets up the Group's ultimate test, here it casts a long shadow as Jesse keeps wondering, "could we have picked a better landing site if I hadn't screwed it up?"
The early days on Maclairn are a struggle. The first part of the book is a recurring cycle of "should we do things this way or that way? Well, we came here to set up a society fully founded on mind powers, we pretty much have to commit to the bit or else what's the point." Repeat ad infinitum. Later, this broadens somewhat to "we have to have psi powers coexist with modern technology to fulfill Ian [Maclairn]'s dream, otherwise what's the point." There are clear parallels to (Engdahl's older trilogy) "Children of the Star"; that society represents the endpoint if they go down a path of giving up on modern technology--and the burdens of agrarian, high-population-growth societies fall disproportionately on women. If "Stewards" had motifs of baptism, this is more of an Exodus story, with the characters sulking about "why did you bring us out of Undine just to starve in the wilderness, at least there we had enough to eat." "My God, came Carla’s thought, we’re homesick! Homesick for Undine! I never admitted that to myself, it was so foolish, I’d wanted so much to leave . . . I guess I just pushed it down inside, into a place I didn’t dare go. . . ."
The consequences of the hyperspace jump being off are a minor tonal retcon/change in perspective on the events of the first book. A more significant one, to me, involves love triangle dynamics. In "Stewards," we learn that Carla and Peter both previously had spouses who died under the authoritarian Undine government. Fortunately, Jesse shows up just when Carla is ready to love again, and their relationship brings him into the Group and thus enables their escape from Undine. "Promise" adds that Peter has been silently pining for Carla all along, but needed Jesse's starship skills too much to say anything. We're told the Group's adult recruits skew slightly female, but that isn't represented among the main characters, and you're telling me that none of them are Peter's type? All three of them sigh and angst about "oh, we're such great friends, we can't let this love triangle come between us," and at times it feels like it's setting up for a polygamy plotline (they're all highly powerful telepaths, they can't keep secrets from each other!) And then it just...goes nowhere. As in the first book, I can accept that sex is probably great among telepaths; I can't buy that every single person has to have sex in order to fully level up their telepathic sensitivity!
The best parts of "Promise" involve the culture clashes between Jesse, who grew up on Earth; the rest of the adult Group members, from Undine; and the Maclairn-born generation. Undine's environment is so tightly regulated, they don't even have insects or lizards, so the planet's "collective unconsciousness" doesn't have a fear of creepy-crawlies; Jesse's initial revulsion risks "contaminating" the psyche until everyone faces their fear.

“Horror vids involving animal life aren’t permitted on colony worlds,” Peter told him. “Haven’t you ever wondered why starship libraries don’t contain any? Earth has always banned their export as a measure to protect extraterrestrial lifeforms. It’s one of the few government trade regulations I think is wise.” Of course, Jesse realized. The average Earth citizen’s reaction would have been to kill the crawlies—if possible, to exterminate them. That hadn’t occurred to anyone yesterday. And horror vids often portrayed even intelligent aliens as repulsive; what kind of precedent would that set if similar ones were ever encountered?
Traditionally, said the knowledgebase, small farmers had chopped chickens’ heads off with a hatchet. Wringing their necks was said to be more humane, but nobody wanted to experiment on live, squawking chickens despite the specific instructions provided. These warned that the hardest part, in the physical sense, would be catching a grown chicken in the first place—a fact soon borne out by experience, as chickens are not devoid of telepathic sensitivity and the pursuers were unconsciously broadcasting their intent to kill.
Kel, like many of the Group’s other children, had been slow in learning to talk. It had taken awhile before it dawned on the adults that this was because the kids’ telepathic bonds with their parents had been so strongly encouraged that they felt no need to communicate vocally. Speech could not be allowed to die out in a psi-based culture; it was essential not only to reading but to the framing and communication of complex ideas. Now, everyone realized that like the skills for volitional control of the body, telepathic conveyance of concepts, as distinguished from emotions, must wait until the kids were older.

On the other hand, the scope of "this is dangerous, but we must, to commit to the psionic bit" and "well, we've come through a lot of tough situations before, but this time really is the end...jk never mind we got out of it" got repetitive. There was one scene towards the end where it's like "okay, we're almost done, I can see how telepathy might be used to enable a permanent self-sacrifice...nope, we're still going, huh," and even though some of the resolutions were nice callbacks/tying up foreshadowing, it was still a lot.
Like in James P. Hogan's "Voyage to Yesteryear," the kids who were raised outside of Earth and Undine's prejudices are, overall, a great step forward for humankind, but there can be some values dissonance. In both cases, the desire for lots of population growth leads to a much lower age of consent than Earthlings are used to. Justified somewhat more in Maclairn's case; telepathy means almost everyone wouldn't fathom hurting each other and of course sex is consensual, as well as amazing. On the other hand, in both cases, there's no prison infrastructure; if someone is determined to be evil and is posing a grave threat to others, you just have to kill them. "Promise" gets a little more philosophical about the problem of evil--if it's not nature and it's not nurture, what causes it? Free will? Sure, but it seems as if some people are also evil from day one even if their DNA is just fine.
There are a couple shoutouts to Lord of the Rings and Star Trek that fit in nicely. I found "it's just like using the Force, you know, like in that old vid, Star Wars" to be more of a distraction. Similarly, Engdahl's commitment to showing her work ("in the twentieth century on Earth, you know, people experimented with remote viewing!") got to be a distraction. But the exploration of "okay, let's try a rain dance, even if it fails we're learning something and pushing knowledge forward" was a great use of the "sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" trope, which is what I come to Engdahl for anyway.
Some people, like Peter, tend to believe in an afterlife; others, like Jesse, are more skeptical. Earth religions don't transfer well to other planets because the interstellar gap is too big for the collective unconsciousness to bridge. Despite this, characters use the word "God" (like in a telepathic context of "Carla . . . oh, God, Carla, answer me!") approximately 144 times. Do you have no one else's name to take in vain???
Criticisms aside, I do think that this is less heavy-handed than "Stewards" and at least as good a starting point!
Bingo: Dreams, Prologues/Epilogues, Self-Published, Survival. One prominent character acquires a physical disability midway through the story. Jesse and Peter's Criminal record on Undine is not very important (since the entire book is set on or around Maclairn), but it becomes more prominent in the last section.
The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi, by Shannon Chakraborty
Once upon a time (1100s Indian Ocean) there was a notorious nakhudha (pirate captain) named Amina al-Sirafi. Ten years ago, she retired, and now she's a single mom with a bad knee and a leaky roof. However, a wealthy noblewoman who believes her granddaughter has been kidnapped by a Western European would-be sorcerer insists on having Amina rescue her, never mind Amina's own family responsibilities. So Amina has to put the band back together, staying one step ahead of the authorities while getting to the bottom of the mystery.
Amina and her crew are likable rogues. I found this easier to get into than Chakraborty's "City of Brass". That book focused more on a long-term conflict between two factions, neither of whom consistently seem like the "good guys"; maybe that's supposed to be sending a message about RL actually works, but I found it confusing at times. In contrast, the early sections of "Amina" are about tracking down individual allies, from a gay smuggler stuck in a prison in Aden, to a navigator and family man in Mogadishu, while researching the notorious Falco Palamenestra and speculating what he might be up to.
At first, Amina's Muslim identity comes through more in the ways characters talk, and some level of monster-fighting exorcism (like Catholicism in some horror movies), than actual practice. But gradually, we see more of how she's struggled to be a parent in her post-pirate life:

If the criminal past didn’t alert you, I have not always been a very good Muslim. Drinking and missing prayer were among my lesser sins, and if I tried to straighten myself up every year when Ramadan rolled around—a new life of piety easy to imagine while dazed with thirst and caught up in the communal joy of taraweeh—I typically lapsed into my usual behavior by the time the month of Shawwal had ended.
But then Marjana was born. And Asif was . . . lost. And if one of these events made me feel as though I had no right to ever call upon God again, the other filled with me a driving need I could not deny. So I keep my daily prayers, even if I feel unworthy the entire time.

To me, this rang true as a depiction of a complicated, realistic, person of faith.
This is a time and place that I knew very little about. For instance, one plotline involves the island of Socotra, an island off the coast of Somalia which is today part of Yemen. There are caves there with graffiti from sailors going back thousands of years, in Indian and Greek and Ethiopic scripts. This is a real place! I would not have been able to tell you anything about it before reading this book! So Chakraborty's vivid descriptions of places this, and of the diverse cultures and religious backgrounds of pirates who live and work alongside each other, is compelling. There's a danger in this as a reader, though, in that getting too caught up in the "worldbuilding" of the actual world can make it feel like its "foreignness" is what makes it speculative and fantastical, which is obviously inaccurate and beside the point. That's one reason why jumping in at the deep end with an honest-to-goodness sea monster in chapter one might have been a good choice, to remind us that there really are otherworldly things happening.
The themes of "rich people love to jerk poor people around" and "the male gaze sucks" are clear, but there's lots of quippy banter mixed in.

“That was you, was it not? The woman who poisoned the soldiers at the wali’s office, freed a crew of homicidal pirates, set a score of ships on fire, and fled the harbor in the middle of the night?” “I would never confirm such a thing and put you at risk of consorting with criminals. But it was two ships, not a score. I wouldn’t wish to encourage exaggeration.”
Sailing past its ancient breakwater—the stones said to have been set there by giants—you might feel as though you have entered a mythical port of magic from a sailor’s yarn. You would be sorely mistaken. Aden is where magic goes to be crushed by the muhtasib’s weights, and if wonder could be calculated, this city would require an ordinance taxing it.
“She knows you are a pirate?” “I am not a pirate,” Majed huffed. “I am a cartographer with a checkered past.” “Yes. A checkered past of piracy.”

The book contains a few chapters that are "in-universe documentation" or chronicles of the places and people in the main narrative. This is a trope I really enjoy at times. However, in this case, I didn't feel it added much, beyond underscoring the themes that "men feel threatened by powerful women, oh no."
The biggest issue for me was how all the diverse, sympathetic characters just kind of went along with developments that felt more reminiscent of 2020s Tumblr idiolect than 1100s Indian Ocean. How fortuitously convenient! (At least it got a Hugo nom.)
Smaller quibbles: the timeframe with Amina in her forties is appeSaling to the extent that it's a story about a working mother trying to follow her own dreams while also desperately missing her kid. But in order to make that work, the narrative sometimes withholds a lot of important information about the tragedies in Amina's past/her relationship with her child's father until it can be brought forward for dramatic effect, and it made me wonder what a story from the younger Amina's POV would look like without the artificial suspense problem.
More broadly, I felt like the second half's pace wasn't as crisp as the first--there's a dramatic near-death experience, then a bunch of fantastical creatures are introduced in quick succession as if to make up for the "worldbuilding via the actual world" stuff earlier, then we get a very contrived in-universe sequel hook, then we double back to a setting that had already been introduced. Whereas the first part was "we need to go to A to do B and then that gives us a clue that leads us to C."
Who wore it better?

“It is invalid!” I burst out. “Our nikah. It is not permissible for me to marry a non-Muslim.” Raksh frowned. “Is that why the man had me say all those words about God and prophets?” He returned to studying the contract. “Trust me, dear wife, I can be a vast number of things.” “But—but you are not a believer.” “Of course I am. Best to know the competition, yes?”

Compare "Alif the Unseen" (which is one of my favorites and I suspect I probably was harsh on "City of Brass" by comparison):

"But I told him I couldn't marry him even if I wanted to, because I can't marry an unbeliever. And he laughed and said he'd been a believer, 'for a the better part of a thousand years,' I believe were the exact words." "What?" said Alif. "Vikram? Vikram the madman who bites people?" "He might be those things," said the convert hastily, "but did you ever know him to do or say anything really blasphemous?" "I guess not."

Bingo: Alliterative Title, Criminals, Dreams, Reference Materials, Readalong! It's planned to be First in a Series but the sequels aren't out yet. (Statistics from last year just came out and this was the most popular book across all 2023 bingo cards, with ~200 reads!)
Spinning Silver, by Naomi Novik
When I read "Uprooted" and griped about the implausible romance and/or reactive plot, people's reactions were "try Spinning Silver, it's an improvement in some of those ways." And yeah, it is! I was aware that Spinning Silver was set in the same world as Uprooted, ~1700s Eastern Europe but with some fantasy elements, and that it was based on Rumplestiltskin.
But it's a lot more than a simple retelling. "Spinning Silver" teases out the individual trope elements of Rumplestiltskin--a mercenary father trying to get his daughter to marry up, the dead mother looming over the plot, a woman given the impossible task of making gold out of other elements, terrible bargains, aloof and unknowable beings from the fae world, the power of knowing someone's true name, the horror of a mother trading her child to inhuman creatures--and blows them all up, turning them inside-out, and creating something original.
It also does a lot with POV. For the first chunk, we have two young women from a small town who go back and forth telling the stories of their business dealings. But as the book goes on, we start jumping into more and more people's heads, and everyone's voice is very different. Sometimes this can be used for dramatic irony; we hear what character A thinks of their interaction with B, then we jump back and tell the same scene from B's POV and what was going through their head is very different than what A assumes. Once in a while, this makes the plot drag--there's a couple of scenes towards the end where we can't have any suspense about "oh no, will they find what they're looking for" because we've just seen the corresponding scene from another POV, and it would have been more effective to rearrange them--but overall, things are propelled forward much more intriguingly than "Uprooted."
Our POV characters are:

• Miryem, the daughter of the village moneylender. Miryem's family is Jewish, which means her father is one of the few people socially permitted to work as a moneylender--but he's more interested in currying favor with the neighbors than getting his debts repaid, so his family goes hungry. Miryem steps up, grows "cold" and "wintry," and takes on his job, to her parents' horror. But an offhand remark about "look, I can turn silver into gold" (metaphorically, because of, you know, capitalism) inadvertently catches the ear of the "Staryk," monstrous elven raiders who live in a parallel realm.
• Wanda, the daughter of an abusive alcoholic. Miryem is like "he can't pay off his debt because he's drunk everything away, I'll have them repay me by hiring Wanda to assist me with our work, I know this is cold and ruthless but I have to." Then when we see it from Wanda's POV she's like "you're giving me money to be out of the house and away from my father? And you'll even feed me? What an undeserved kindness!" Her reaction to "learning to manipulate numbers and do arithmetic is an amazing kind of magic!" felt cheesy and over-the-top, but the contrast between the literal phrasing of a royal decree and the way she "translates" it was more convincing.
• Irina, the daughter of the duke of Vysnia (Vilnius, Lithuania). Like Wanda, her mother is dead and her father is trying to arrange the most profitable marriage for her, never mind what she wants. When Miryem is compelled to turn magical Staryk silver into gold, she does so by having an acquaintance forge silver jewelry which the duke purchases--so when the gold takes on magical powers in the Staryk world, so does the silver with Irina, and brings her to the attention of a tsar. Despite her cold relationship with her father, she learns a lot from him and is a true politician, adept as anyone at cutting deals to keep her realm safe.
• Stepon, Wanda's younger brother. His narration is very simple and childlike (amazing cold open with "I like goats because I know what they will do.") It's possible he has some kind of sensory/mental health issues, or it's possible he's just eleven and overstimulated by unfamiliar crowds.
• Magreta, Irina's nurse/caretaker. She can be kind and supportive, but her casual antisemitism provides a contrast to how Miryem is treated by the villagers.
• Mirnatius, the tsar. For a while we mostly see him through Irina's POV ("this guy is so full of himself he requires a new outfit every day, that's no way to manage the economy"), but again, his narration provides a very different perspective on what's going on.

So I said the romance was better than "Uprooted," in that we didn't have the implausible "elderly magician berates young woman all the time but also they can't keep their hands off each other." In "Spinning Silver," both {Miryem and the Staryk king} and {Irina and Mirnatius} are paired off without much say-so on anybody's part, it's being manipulated by magic/higher-ups. So the timeframe of the book is mostly them all learning how to tolerate each other, and the romance is kind of left to your imagination in the future era.
The Staryk magic is kind of like...you can see their roads briefly if they make incursions in the human world, but as soon as they've disappeared, you start forgetting them and it really takes effort to remember. This means that if someone, like Miryem, disappears into the Staryk world, she's forgotten almost immediately except for little irregularities that don't seem right. These depictions were well-done. (Except that I was trying to remember if the Staryk were the same as the [jerk, mundane human] aristocrats in "Uprooted." They're not. I think I was half-remembering "Marek," the creepy prince, instead of "Staryk," the winter elves.)
There's a cool liminal space that sets up back-and-forth "communication" between the human and Staryk realms, and again, the multiple POVs are a good framework for this. On the other hand, there are some things, like, why do the Staryk want human gold, that are kind of chalked up to "magic idk" and not completely spelled out; for some of the confrontations at the end, again, it's better not to worry too much about hard magic systems and just go with the vibes. There's also an earlier plot that definitely plays the trope of "the less the audience knows about the plan, the more likely it is to succeed" trope straight.
Especially early on, it can be a very bleak "everyone sucks here" setting. Wanda and Stepon's father is horrific. Irina's father is mercenary and sets her up with Mirnatius, a dandy who abuses animals for fun. Nobody in the village respects Miryem's family, and when she tries to reclaim what she's due, her parents are horrified. The Staryk raid the village and carry off women and demand impossible tasks. There's a lot of "I have my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it" coming from all sides. Even though the plot is moving forward, it's hard to feel like there's anything to root for.
But cracks of light shine through. Miryem's mother, and her mother, defy the "dead moms" trope, and are able to be loving parental figures to Wanda, Stepon, and their brother Sergey. Miryem's grandfather is wise and conscientious, warning her of the risks that some of her choices pose not only to their family but to the Vysnia Jewish community as a whole, but still recognizing she's mature enough to make her own choices. They even make use of a real-world Jewish blessing for the first blossoming of trees in the spring. Even when people are trying to be cold, sometimes they're just too human!
Bingo: Alliterative Title, Under the Surface (not for most of the plot, but there is a secret tunnel that gets use), Multi-POV (and how!)
The Infinite Arena (edited by Terry Carr)
Anthology of SF short stories about sports, stumbled upon while browsing a used bookstore. I like sports and the first one was based on "Casey at the Bat," so okay, sold.
It's from 1977, and the stories were originally published in the 40s-70s timeframe. The sex ratio among writers appears to be nine men, zero women, which is pretty "impressive" considering there are only seven stories. Three of them are installments from series that feature the same recurring character(s), so maybe that explains some of the...paucity? I don't want to say they're "flat" or "shallow" or anything, most of the contemporary "deep" stuff isn't to my taste either, but it feels like there's "no 'there' there" for several of these. In some cases, it's like, "we have to raise the stakes by involving gambling/someone's fate being on the line"; in others, it's looking for parallels between sports and other aspects of life (warfare? weird alien insects?) that provide the impetus for two plots to intertwine.
-Joy in Mudville (Poul Anderson and Gordon R. Dickson)--very impressionable and earnest teddy-bear-like alien species imprints on humans, and immediately become obsessed with baseball. One of the aliens names himself Mighty Casey, but unfortunately, opponents can rattle him by reminding him of how "Casey at the Bat" turned out. Fortunately, what poetry can break, poetry can also fix...

"You untentacled mammal! raged Ush Karuza. "You sslimeless conformation of bored flesh!" Alex had long ago discovered that mankind rarely reacts to insults couched in nonhuman terms. It did not offend him at all to be told that he was slimeless.

-Bullard Reflects (Malcolm Jameson)--Dazzle Dart is a sport played by bouncing light rays around with reflective gear and aiming for a goal at the opponents' end. Like American football, one team is designated on offense at a time, and the other is on defense, but you can "intercept" and score from on defense. In Dazzle Dart, this is worth bonus points. Except instead of normal goals and "turnover" goals being worth one and two points respectively, it's twenty-five and fifty. And you thought Quidditch was silly. (This is from 1941.)
-The Body Builders (Keith Laumer)--the best of the stories, in my opinion, in that it predicts both technological advancement and the social changes that will ensue in a clever way.

So it's a little artificial maybe--but what about the Orggies, riding around in custom-built cars that are nothing but substitute personalities, wearing padded shoulders, contact lenses, hearing aids, false teeth, cosmetics, elevator shoes, rugs to cover their bald domes? If you're going to wear false eyelashes, why not false eyes? Instead of a nose bob, why not bob the whole face? At least a fellow wearing a Servo is honest about it, which is more than you can say for an Orggie doll in a foam-rubber bra--not that Julie needed any help in that department.

-The Great Kladnar Race (Robert Silverberg and Randall Garrett)--bored humans on an alien planet try introducing something like horse races that they can bet on. However, the aliens' concepts of sports and competition and betting don't necessarily align with the humans'.
-Mr. Meek Plays Polo (Clifford D. Simak)--guy who has only seen one space polo game in his life somehow accidentally stumbles into being the "expert" space polo coach, oops. Also there are weird alien bugs that are great at computation (a little like "The Circle").
-Sunjammer (Arthur C. Clarke, whose name is spelled wrong on the front cover)--a solar flare interrupts a solar sailboat race. Felt timely given the storm of a few days ago! (I did not get to see the aurora, alas.)
-Run to Starlight (George R. R. Martin)--short and slow but extremely muscular aliens enter an American football league and crush everyone, metaphorically and literally. However, the aliens' concepts of sports and competition don't necessarily align with the humans'. Too bad he never wrote anything else ;)
Bingo: 5+ short stories.

My name is João, and I hesitated a lot before deciding to share this story with you. People tend to be incredulous about these matters and often judge quickly. However, on recommendation, I have resolved to reveal this experience here.
At sixteen, my life unfolded in the serenity of the interior of Pernambuco, Brazil. Our home was located on a vast expanse of land, surrounded by endless sugar cane fields that stretched as far as the eye could see. The nearest town barely deserved the title of a town; it was just a cluster of modest houses, a simple church, and a few shops scattered along a single dirt road. Life there was slow and peaceful, as if we were immune to the pressures and worries of the outside world.
We lived on a sugar cane farm, a property that had belonged to my family for generations. It was arid land, marked by the relentless sun that shone mercilessly over the golden fields. My father spent his days working in the cane fields, sweating under the scorching heat, while my mother took care of the house and us, her children, with unwavering love and dedication. My little sister, Ana, was the light of our lives, with her innocent laughter and insatiable curiosity about the world around her.
Our farm was a haven of tranquility, an oasis of calm amidst the bustle of the modern world. At night, we could contemplate the starry sky without the interference of city lights and listen to the sounds of nature echoing through the landscape. It was a simple life, but full of meaning, where family bonds were forged by close companionship, and traditional values ​​were preserved with pride.
My routine was a delicate dance between obligations and leisure moments. The sun would rise, painting the sky with orange hues, and I would already be up, ready to help my father in the plantation. The hours passed between hard work under the scorching sun, the sweet smell of sugar cane filling my senses. Each movement was a repeated ritual, a choreography I knew as well as my own breath.
In the afternoon, when the heat began to wane, I returned home. My mother, with agile hands and keen eyes, coordinated the household chores with the precision of a conductor. I helped where I could, washing dishes, sweeping the dirt floor, bringing firewood to the kitchen. It was a simple but comforting routine, an echo of ancient times when life flowed smoothly, without haste or worry.
At night, after a simple and comforting dinner, I had a brief moment of freedom. Sometimes, I retreated to a quiet corner of the house to devour the pages of a book, letting myself be carried away by stories that transported me to distant worlds and thrilling adventures. Other times, I went out to meet my friends, walking along dark roads under the starlight, sharing laughter and secrets until late into the night.
However, this tranquility was abruptly interrupted by something strange and inexplicable. It was on a morning like any other, when the sun rose on the horizon and the birdsong heralded a new day, that my father noticed the marks on the door. They were not simple scratches; they were deep grooves in the wood, as if something with sharp claws had torn the surface with supernatural force.
At first, we attributed these marks to wild animals, perhaps a jaguar in search of food or a hungry wolf. But we soon realized that there was something more sinister at play. The marks always appeared during the full moon, as if some hidden power were in tune with the cycles of nature, waiting for the right moment to manifest itself.
My family, rooted in the ancient legends and superstitions of the region, began to act cautiously. We placed food outside the house, hoping to appease any disturbed entity behind the mysterious marks. But, to our dismay, the manifestations did not cease; they only diminished in intensity, as if the creature haunting us was only testing our limits, waiting for the right moment to make its next move.
As the nights passed and the marks continued to appear, fear began to creep into our hearts. Every unexpected sound, every shadow in the darkness, left us tense and alert, fearing what might be lurking beyond the walls of our home. However, the worst part was when my younger sister, only six years old at the time, became the target of the creature. She reported hearing whispers in the wind at night, as if someone were outside her window, whispering dark secrets to her.
Restlessness began to grow within me. The nights were filled with a strange silence, interrupted only by the rustling of leaves and the sounds of the forest. Every noise, every unexpected sound made my heart beat faster. We knew something was out there, but we didn't know what. However, we became accustomed to the situation, in part thanks to the offerings our parents left every full moon night outside our house. Even in the face of strange events, we felt some relief in believing that we were a little safer.
As the nights unfolded, something even more sinister began to manifest. In addition to the marks on the door, mud marks began to appear on the windows, as if the one tormenting us not only wanted to scare us, but also to watch us closely. The fear that was already present in our hearts began to grow, fueled by each new clue of the invisible presence surrounding us.
Then things took an even darker turn. My sister, Ana, who was only six years old at the time, began to report disturbing things. She said she heard whispers in the wind at night, as if someone were outside her window, whispering dark secrets to her. Her frightened expression and the dark circles under her eyes betrayed the sleepless nights and torment that haunted her.
Worry and terror took hold of us. Every night became a frightening challenge, where every shadow seemed to hide an imminent threat. Even with the offerings left outside, we couldn't shake the feeling that something malevolent was lurking around us, patiently watching, waiting for the right moment to act.
Until it happened.
On that fateful night, darkness fell upon the house like a shadowy mantle, enveloping every corner in a cold and relentless embrace. The wind blew with a supernatural intensity, its howling gusts echoing through the corridors like the wails of lost souls begging for redemption. The moonlight, pale and sinister, cast its trembling rays through the windows, turning the furniture into twisted shapes and casting grotesque shadows on the walls.
Ana's sharp cry pierced the silence of the night, a sound so ominous that it seemed to come from the very bowels of the earth. It was as if a veil had been torn, revealing the hidden terror lurking in the shadows. We ran desperately to her room, our footsteps echoing through the empty corridors like the drumbeat of an imminent funeral.
Upon entering the room, we were greeted by a scene that resembled a painting of hell. The window was shattered into a thousand pieces, the sparkling glass scattered on the floor like shards of a broken mirror. The moon, in its macabre fullness, cast a trembling light on the scene, illuminating the nightmare unfolding before us.
Ana was crouched in a corner of the room, her small body trembling with terror, her wide eyes reflecting the horror consuming her from within. A sinister shadow loomed over her, a distorted and grotesque figure that seemed to have stepped straight out of the darkest nightmares. It was the Labatut, its presence exuding an aura of malice and despair.
It was an imposing and terrifying figure, a manifestation of terror in its most primal form. Its body was colossal, dominating the space with its intimidating presence. Hoofed feet pounded the ground with a force that made the earth tremble under its weight. Every step it took echoed like distant thunder, announcing its imminent arrival.
Its body was covered in rough and tangled fur, a dark coat that seemed to absorb the light around it, casting sinister shadows in all directions. Its single eye, in the middle of its forehead, gleamed with a terrifying intensity, radiating an aura of malice and power. It was as if it could see directly into the soul of those who crossed its path, probing the deepest secrets and fears.
The Labatut's mouth was filled with grotesque teeth, each as sharp as a blade, resembling elephant tusks ready to tear its prey apart. A low, menacing growl escaped its throat, filling the air with a sense of imminent terror. It was impossible to face that monster without feeling a shiver run down the spine, fear paralyzing the muscles and clouding the mind.
Its movements were agile and silent, despite its enormous stature. It moved like a shadow in the darkness, gliding between dark corners and narrow alleys with alarming ease. It was as if it were always lurking, waiting for the perfect moment to launch its deadly attack and disappear again into the shadows.
The Labatut was more than a simple creature; it was terror itself personified, a force of nature that defied any rational explanation. Its presence was a grim reminder that evil can take many forms, some beyond human comprehension, and that even the bravest can succumb to the darkness it represents.
My father, driven by a mixture of anger and despair, grabbed his shotgun and fired at the creature, but the shots seemed to dissipate in the air like smoke. The Labatut let out a deafening howl, a sound that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and my bones tremble with fear. And then, in the blink of an eye, it lunged at Ana, its claws outstretched to grab her and drag her into the darkness.
My mother, in a final act of desperation, threw herself over her, trying to protect her with her own fragile body. But it was too late. With a quick and brutal movement, the Labatut grabbed Ana and disappeared before our eyes, leaving behind only the echo of her anguished screams.
We stood there, paralyzed by shock and pain, as the emptiness of loss enveloped us like a cold mist. What remained of our family was torn apart, our hearts heavy with grief and despair. In the days that followed, the farm seemed darker and lonelier than ever, every shadow twisting like the very manifestation of the fear that consumed us from within.
I, especially, was haunted by the trauma of that fateful night. Every dark whisper of the wind transported me back to that moment, and every shadow turned into the grotesque figure of the Labatut, its sinister presence haunting my thoughts and deepest dreams.
I knew I could no longer live on that farm, surrounded by such painful memories and the constant fear of the unknown. So, when the time came, I left behind the life I knew, setting out in search of a new beginning in the big city. But even from a distance, the terror of that night never left me. The Labatut became a permanent shadow in my life, a ghost that haunted my thoughts and pursued me wherever I went. Every dark corner, every elongated shadow, was a cruel reminder of that terrible moment that changed the course of my existence forever.
In the big city, I tried to bury my memories under the weight of everyday life. I immersed myself in work, keeping my mind busy during the day to avoid the horrors that came at night. But even there, among the skyscrapers and bustling streets, I couldn't completely escape the past that haunted me.
The nights were the worst. Wrapped in the darkness of my apartment, I found myself at the mercy of my own dark thoughts. Every creak of the building's structure, every whisper of the wind, made me tremble with fear, transporting me back to that fateful night when the Labatut entered our lives and tore away our innocence and happiness.
I tried to find comfort where I could, seeking the help of therapists and counselors who promised relief for my tormented soul. But nothing seemed to completely dissipate the terror that clung to me like a persistent shadow, always present in the darkest corner of my mind.
Years passed, but the Labatut still remained as an indomitable presence in my life. Its twisted face appeared in my most vivid nightmares, its claws outstretched to pull me back into the depths of despair. I became a prisoner of my own fear, unable to escape the clutches of the monster that haunted me since that fateful night.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to free myself from the terror that consumes me, if I will ever find peace away from the clutches of the Labatut. But until then, I continue to fight, a lost soul in a sea of darkness, desperately awaiting the light that will one day free me from the nightmare that has become my life.

Hey, I’m 27 and I’ve been having varicocele on the left side since late teen years. After I first noticed I always had it in the back of my head, but I didn’t think too much about it. I never got it medically checked, but it’s very obvious it’s a grade 3. I don’t usually have pain, but from time to time I do get the dull pain everybody is describing, especially after ejaculating.
I recently did a fertility test just to know, because I’ve had a very liquid sperm for almost all the time since I discovered the varicocele. The test was a bit alarming to me as I discovered I am very below average levels in terms of sperm mobility and sperm count is just on the lower end of average.
I have a girlfriend and we’ll want to have kids in the future, let’s say in a few years, so I have a constant worry in the back of my mind.
This subreddit made me realize I need to schedule an appointment with a urologist asap, but in the meantime I’m a bit unsure about how should I go about it. Is a surgical treatment worth it? Am I doing this too late? (10+ years of this condition scare the shit out of me regarding infertility)

Like the title says, I have a theory that Ging...doesn't have a hatsu.
Not only that, but going even further, he might be a true enigma. I think...Ging doesn't have any one nen affinity at all.
This is going to be a very, very long post. If you don't have all day, move along for your own mental health.
I'm going to break this down into theory, details, character and story connections, and then a smaller theory that branches off from this one. Things like evidence and side-effects of this theory will be scattered throughout.

*Theory:*

I think Ging keeps nen contracts that force him to be noncommittal to such a degree that it goes beyond what the Hisoka Personality Test claims of Transmuters and Specialists. In fact, Ging has literally no personal Hatsu or Affinity because of this.

*Rewards:*

I think it will be revealed that Ging has a universal 70-80% efficiency with all nen types due to a lack of specific affinity, and that the reward is an immense boost in nen. So this contract more than makes up the difference, giving him effectively permanent Emperor Time. He would just use the contract to give himself 100% efficiency, but a raw power boost from a contract with conditions like I'm about to go into would go far beyond that difference, so he likely went that route instead. So this contract simply makes Ging immensely powerful at *everything.*

*Conditions:*

-First condition, Ging is to refrain from committing heavily to any person, task, ability, affinity, or anything of that nature. Nen affinity is typically something every user has, but perhaps shifts with time. If Ging gives too much favor to any one thing, such as even having one affinity or hatsu in particular, he will break this contract. So despite Ging's immense power, he isn't able to have any one unique thing he uses it for.
-Second, this contract goes so deep into being non-committal that when an idea is presented to Ging that would/could change his current life path, he has to flip a coin whenever he is able to do so without violating any condition of this contract. This flip will decide if he does the presented idea, or continues with the path he's already on.
-Third, nobody can know about the contract except Ging. He can't tell them about it, he can't explain why he does the things he does in any way that would elude to it being part of a nen contract. This typically means he does his coin flip in private as well, because otherwise they might notice the pattern and become suspicious.
-Fourth, he can't flip a coin for the same idea twice. This would explain why when he leaves something or someone, he never turns back.
-Fifth, an idea *needs* to be presented to Ging in the form of a statement, not a question. Someone needs to *tell* Ging to make a big life decision.
-Sixth, he only needs to flip for the last idea presented. If he's given 4 orders, but can't coin flip for them without breaking another condition, he only has to flip to determine the outcome of the 4th order.
-Lastly, he does *not* need to achieve his goal before potentially diverting from it. If another path-altering idea comes up, he has to coin flip. If he can do his new goal while continuing his older one, he must do both. If not, his path is decided by the coin toss. If one path ends, he has the option to pursue a previous goal. Maybe any, maybe only the most recent unfinished one. Unsure at this point.

*Character Connections. If this theory is true, what it means about Ging is:*

-More than likely, he trains all nen types roughly equally both as part of this contract, and to make best use of his neutral efficiency.
-He's trained his skill at understanding the abilities of others so finely specifically so he can still use Hatsu without being allowed to have his own.
-He uses the claim "I go after what I desire!" as a cover to avoid eluding to any details of either his abilities, or any part of this contract. This is huge, since it's one of the main reasons everyone sees him as a fickle enigma.
-Why he's such a goddamn mess. No, not just because he's neurodivergent(although he clearly is), but Ging purposely presents himself as someone who deserves to be yelled at to get his act together when faced with an idea he truly wants to pursue. This way, the odds of being told to do something he's not allowed to personally commit to increase, which means he can manipulate people into telling him to do what he wants to do anyway, giving him better odds of having to coin flip for it.
-It explains why he seems to have different friends help with basically every big project he undertakes. If he's with a group whose whole goal and experience with him is, say, exploring a set of ruins, or creating Greed Island, or governing the Hunter Association, then the odds are much lower that they'll suggest any big life path changes that will divert him from that goal. They probably wouldn't even know what to suggest!
-Ging being an outright genius, it doesn't at all seem out of the realm of possibility that he's spent a long time honing his ability to outthink his own nen contract to allow himself to abide by it while still living mostly mostly for himself when there's something he genuinely wants.
-We now know why Ging sometimes actually seems very committed towards one thing at a time, such as Greed Island or the Dark Continent, and abandoning all others when a new goal comes up.
-Since Ging isn't allowed to have a deep, committed relationship with any one person...not a partner, not a child, not a good friend...this is another part of why he always formed groups for his projects. That way he isn't giving too much attention to any one of them.
-It even explains why he avoids those closest to him to the point that he makes his disciples "chase him" as part of their training. Because it's a loophole that lets him "train" someone, without having to commit to them strongly enough that it violates his nen contract. You're probably catching on to a point that you'll find in the Story Connections now, right?

*Story Connections. With this theory, what it means for the story is:*

-A minor plot point dating all the way back to the Zoldyck Arc was actually foreshadowing. What, you ask? Why, coin flipping, of course! Firstly, we have Gotoh(RIP). His whole thing was coin flipping. He only came up a few times, but when he was around it typically had something to do with coins. Okay, cool. But the main one is...
-The Phantom Troupe using coin flips to settle arguments. It means that the previous point and this one were actually a minor foreshadowing of Ging's nen contract all along. All writers know stories are built on threes. Ging would be the third, and by far biggest, part of the coin flipping triangle in the HxH story.
-This one ties into the "Ging is both Gon's parents" theory I've heard about. As is known, there are cards on Greed Island that can change your gender or impregnate you. That's odd...but maybe he got Razor to make Card 7: Pregnancy Stones, to implant the idea in Razor's head to bring up that this card meant even Ging could have a kid. *flip* Heads. Ging's having a kid. Well, months later, let's have him also make Card 33: Hormone Cookies, that allows anyone to change their physical sex for 24 hours. This will make giving birth a much easier and less risky. (Plus, maybe your "sex-specific parts" become healed when you change back? If so, Ging could give birth and then be perfectly fine when changing back into a man.) Using the Hormone Cookies here is still just him fulfilling his goal of being a mom, so Ging's gonna change sex for 24 hours when the time comes to have Gon now.
*Alternatively, and actually more likely*, maybe he flipped tails on Card 7. So he thought of Card 33 later on to get Razor to ask "First Card 7, now Card 33...Ging, I get the feeling you *do* want to be a parent." *Flip* Heads. Ging takes a Hormone Cookie. Ging...uhh..."does the nasty", *does not* get gregnant, but then, following his new "Be a mom" goal, proceeds to use the Pregnancy Stores, and just takes Hormone Cookies to change back into a woman again when it's time to have Gon. Not the exact same question, just mostly the same outcome. Loophole.
-When Gon asks Ging to talk later when they first meet, he pauses. Then his answer is very non-committal, but very much implies a no. "I'm a busy guy, ya know?" He didn't want to say yes because of his contract. He can't make a big decision like suddenly having a role in his son's life without flipping a coin. So why didn't he say he'd get back to Gon on it, or anything other version of a flat "Maybe"? Because...
-Ging wanted the crowd to present the idea of having a chat with Gon *to* him so that he could consider it. When Gon brought up the idea, he phrased it as a question. "Can we talk more later?" So Ging had to think of a response to get the crowd riled up and tell him to do it in a way that worked with his contract. I mean, from how Ging spoke to Gon, he seemed open to talking more. It feels odd he would suddenly back away without a real reason. But! The crowd telling him to do this only counts as 1 order until he flips a coin on it. So Ging had a backup plan. Why? Well, let's rewind, shall we?
-This one is more of trying to explain a roadblock. Leorio told Ging to go visit Gon. Ging avoided explicitly answering the question, again giving wording that is non-committal on paper, but when mixed with the way it was phrased would imply a no. "He has friends and that's enough." He then allowed Leorio to knock him out because of political stuff, and so when he woke up he could do his coin flip since by then everyone will have left without telling him to do anything else, and without him having to go anywhere else first. *Flip* Tails. Sorry, Gon.
-This is why Ging, who was largely a pain in the ass to find, even throughout this arc, was just sat in the auditorium in plain view during the final vote.had a backup plan the next time around. He was there in case Gon ended up being healed and coming to see him.
-But! It's also why Ging had a backup plan. He needed someone to stay after the final election was over. Someone he knew would be upset if he broke his promise to Gon. Someone that would be likely to re-present him with the idea of meeting with his son, in a way that would still make it be an original enough idea that he would have to flip a coin again. That way the odds would be more in favor of the coin telling him to do it. Someone good at seeing all sides and forming potential compromises. But also someone he could flip a coin in front of without them knowing, and wouldn't try to physically force him him not to leave.
-Somehow, the crowd was able to be convinced this person would make sure Ging stayed in the auditorium and wait for Gon, and they all left. Then Ging did his coin flip, and...Tails...But this is why we make backup plans. So...who was there when Gon went back to meet Ging and saw the card saying Ging was at the World Tree? Beans. One of the most trustworthy, loyal, duty-bound, and therefore predictable, members of the Hunter Association, and also a skilled mediator, but seemingly not overly capable at, or disposed to, fighting. He would be perfect for the job. Beans outright states that he tried to keep Ging from leaving. This means that Ging turning Gon meeting him into another one of his little chases was likely Beans' idea, and he just didn't think to mention that detail to Gon.
-But now, the moment you've all been waiting for, this theory even explains why Ging left Gon with Mito. Mito told Ging that he wasn't fit to be a father and to leave Gon with her. *Flip* Heads. Ging lets Mito go about taking custody of Gon. Ging is now off on his own again.
-Now. I know what you might be thinking. "Ging had Gon until he was 2!" Yes, however...while he was with Gon, he was also working on finishing up Greed Island. So while he would Dad around now and then, he likely still spent most of his time running around helping with all sorts of different parts of creating the game. And then, when it was finally all finished, he took Gon and left. This also served the purpose of avoiding being told to "Go take care of your son." by any of the group. Because he was taking care of him! He couldn't leave Greed Island before it was done without being told to leave.
-Plus, if he did leave, left Gon with someone, went back to Greed Island, and was told "Go take care of Gon!" he would've had to leave to be with Gon again. I said this theory explains why Ging left, but that still doesn't mean Ging wanted to/could have been around. If someone told Ging "Go explore the Dark Continent!" when Ging was bringing Gon around with him as part of his "Being a parent" goal, Ging would've had to bring Gon, since both goals were possible simultaneously. As a result, Gon would've died during the expedition.
-It would also explain why he set up so many steps for Gon to follow that would help him become stronger. Heck, he even does most of these things *before* Gon is born. Maybe that's a loophole too, that even though he put so much work into giving Gon a roadmap to success, he did it *before* there was a Gon, and as part of his other goals. So it didn't technically violate his contract.
-Lastly, Ging opted to leave the "I don't want to see you" message for Gon, that he could only open under certain circumstances, would tell him what information is coming next to make committing to its knowledge up to Gon, and afterwards would destroy itself. Ging purposely made this tape as non-committal as possible, specifically so that he could leave his son a message without it being a life-altering decision he would need someone to tell him to do in order to even possibly be able to. The leaving of the message didn't affect Ging at all unless Gon put a great amount of effort in to *make* it affect him. So his contract didn't forbid it.
Connected Theory:
-Continuing with the Phantom Troupe point from earlier, this theory could also present the idea that Ging might've been a part of the original Phantom Troupe. Amd what's more, he might've served as a sort of advisor to Chrollo.
-The Troupe follows a doctrine that the whole Spider is more important than even the leader. That all of them are replaceable, to the point that if you kill a member of the Spiders, they are actually supposed to try and recruit you to replace that member! This could be more of Ging pulling strings to get the Troupe to live by a code that kept Ging sticking to his conditions without seeming out of place.
-The Troupe met Gon and very quickly had the idea of introducing him to Chrollo, thinking he would be a good fit for the group. Gon says himself that he and Ging share a lot of personality traits, so this adds to the idea that they would likely have the same thoughts on Ging.
-Plus, if Ging were the one who suggested the Coin Flip rule, then it would mean he could simply say "Flip a coin to decide?" in the rare case he was with another Troupe member, and some big idea was brought up, without needing to
A. Risk breaking his contract by arguing the point out loud,
B. needing to do this coin flip in private when the highly perceptive Troupe might be around and get suspicious of it, or
C. Needing to wait and only being able to decide the outcome of the last given idea after the Troupe splits up again. He wasn't the leader, so having to ignore or avoid committing to every order the leader gives you in a group like the Troupe is a good way to make powerful enemies.
-Also...notice how Gon is 12 years old at the start of the series, and the Phantom Troupe was formed as much as 12 years before that? Gon was with Ging until he was 2, but maybe the Troupe formed shortly after Ging left.
-Following this, Kurapika joining the Dark Continent Expedition may eventually lead to a reveal that Ging was part of the Troupe when they took down the Kurta Clan, and Kurapika would then have to decide whether to try to fight Ging, her friend's father(without Chain Jail, as Ging is no longer a member of the Phantom Troupe); or finally start to psychologically move past his life-long drive for revenge.
You made it to the end! I'd put a tl;dr somewhere in here, but honestly that would probably just end up being multiple paragraphs long too. Whoever is still here, feel free to give your thoughts below. Anything ranging from total agreement, to a list of receipts that prove that I'm actually an idiot.

‎‎‎[📖First ⏮️Previous Next⏭️]
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In the next moment, as if not yet finished and unwilling to merely counter her martial art move, Ji Wuye began to imitate her posture with uncanny precision under Song Jia's shocked gaze, her mouth agape in disbelief. His movements mirrored hers flawlessly, resembling her reflection in a still pond.
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Taking a slow, deep breath, Song Jia watched transfixed as Ji Wuye relaxed his stance to mirror her position perfectly— his knees bent, balanced on the balls of his feet, with his wooden sword arm held loose yet ready, every muscle poised to strike.
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The way he held himself, the subtle shifts in his breathing, all echoed her own with eerie accuracy.
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‘It’s too perfect!’ she shouted inwardly as her fingers trembled slightly as she pointed them at him, still unable to believe what her own eyes were witnessing. "Y...you..." She stuttered, taking an involuntary step back, her mind reeling.
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Shaking off that useless thought, Song Jia solemnly met Ji Wuye's gaze once again before executing her sword art with fluid grace.
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Pulse of Blade - First Move, Gentle Breeze! 

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...
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From Ji Wuye's perspective, he noticed Song Jia's form once again disappearing, her body turning blurry as she harnessed her Qi. But he could sense the subtle shifts in her breathing and posture, closing his eyes slightly to immerse himself in heightened focus.
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Opening his eyes, he was greeted by Song Jia initiating a circular overhead slash towards him, her blade whistling through the air.
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The wooden sword, now mimicking a real sword, gave the impression of a razor-sharp edge aimed at his forehead. Yet, even as it descended, he observed the slightest change in trajectory, with her wrist subtly adjusting the angle of attack.
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In response, he moved in perfect tandem, channeling spirals of Qi from his Lower Dantian throughout his body, guiding his movements with preternatural precision.
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CLANK-!
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Their wooden blades met, the impact sending a gust of wind that blew dust into their faces.
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Song Jia's finely arched eyebrows raised slightly in surprise at Ji Wuye's accurate imitation of her opening Gentle Breeze technique.
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The disbelief etched on her delicate features deepened as her body once again seemed to blur, the swords spun through the air in mirrored rotations, neither gaining an advantage. ‘Not yet!’ she shouted inwardly.
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Meanwhile, Ji Wuye's brow furrowed in intense concentration, carefully observing every minuscule move Song Jia made, his eyes tracking the intricate dance of her sword like a hawk stalking its prey.
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Beads of sweat formed on his brow from the intensity of their exchange, glistening in the dappled sunlight filtering through the trees.
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Across from him, frustration tightened the corners of Song Jia's mouth as her finely honed techniques were matched at every turn by this mysterious stranger. Her brows knitted deeper with each clash…
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CLANK-!
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CLANK-!
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CLANK-!
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Their wooden blades colliding, the force of their blows even sending tremors up her arms.
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The battle raged on, the clashing of wooden blades echoing through the courtyard as the sun slowly sank below the horizon.
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Song Jia launched technique after technique at Ji Wuye, varying her speed and angles of attack with dizzying complexity, but he continued to anticipate and mirror her movements perfectly, as if he could predict her every intent.
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“Ha…ha…ha…” Exhaustion gradually took hold of Song Jia's body, her breaths coming in ragged gasps as sweat poured down her flushed face. Her swings became sloppier, her footwork less sure as fatigue set in.
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Meanwhile, Ji Wuye showed no outward signs of tiring, his movements remaining fluid and precise, an unshakable calm settling over his features.
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Until at last, after what seemed like hours locked in their deadly dance, the sky turned an inky black, glittering stars adorning the night sky like tiny jewels strewn across a velvet canvas.
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Ji Wuye stood beneath the night sky, calmly looking down at Song Jia, who lay sprawled on the ground, stretching her hands out and breathing heavily, her chest heaving.
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"I…i-I'm l…lose!" she admitted at last, her gaze filled with a mixture of pain and unwillingness as she bit her lower lip, tasting the tang of exertion. The words felt like ash on her tongue, bitter with the sting of defeat.
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In stark contrast to Song Jia's disheveled state, with her white martial robe covered in dust and disarray, Ji Wuye's clothes remained neat and pristine, and his breath steady, as if he had merely been taking a leisurely stroll.
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He withdrew the wooden sword from where it had been pointed at Song Jia's neck, the implicit threat now lifted.
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"Thank you for your guidance, Sister Song," he said, cupping his hands together and pointing the tip of the wooden sword downward in a gesture of respect.
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With surprising gentleness, he reached down and helped the exhausted Song Jia to her feet, and they exchanged bows.
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...
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Meanwhile, from Song Jia’s perspective…
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She remained on the ground for a few moments longer, catching her breath as disbelief swirled in her mind like a tempest.
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How was any of this possible? In all her years of rigorous training, honing her skills to a razor's edge, she had never encountered anyone who could so flawlessly match and counter her Master’s sword art.
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The implications of Ji Wuye's uncanny abilities made her stomach turn.
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As she finally stood on shaking legs to return his bow, her thoughts raced, a maelstrom of questions buffeting her from all sides.
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Who or what was this man? She stared intently at Ji Wuye, searching his composed face for any clues, but it revealed nothing out of the ordinary, a mask of polite calm.
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A million questions bubbled up within her, desperate for answers, but bone-deep exhaustion overwhelmed her in that moment.
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After exchanging bows, she turned and left without another word, unable to even broach the subject of how high is Ji Wuye's martial realm or how he could so perfectly imitate and defend against her Master’s sword art.
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...
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Back to the present…
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Ji Wuye watched as Song Jia's figure slowly blurred into the distance, a small smile curling upon his lips. "That's a nice sword art," he murmured appreciatively.
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[!] You have successfully analyzed and replicated Pulse of Blade - First Move, Gentle Breeze sword art!
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[>>[QUICK ADAPTATION(F)]<<] The proficiency of your passive skill has been increased by 0.01%! 

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[>>[QUICK ADAPTATION(F)]<<] The proficiency of your passive skill has been increased by 0.01%! 

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[>>[QUICK ADAPTATION(F)]<<] The proficiency of your passive skill has been increased by 0.01%! 

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[>>[QUICK ADAPTATION(F)]<<] The proficiency of your passive skill has been increased by 0.01%! 

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[>>[QUICK ADAPTATION(F)]<<] The proficiency of your passive skill has been inc... 

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...
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As the transparent notification screens flickered rapidly before his eyes, Ji Wuye felt a strange influx of information pouring into his brain, as if knowledge were being directly imprinted onto his consciousness.
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His gaze trembled slightly before he took a deep, steadying breath and sat down cross-legged on the ground.
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"Ha!" He exhaled heavily, his breathing suddenly becoming erratic, his heart pounding in his chest as his body temperature spiked. The sensations washed over him in an overwhelming wave before subsiding just as quickly, leaving him slightly disoriented.
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[>>[INFORMATION]<<] Congratulations! The skill Quick Adaptation(F) has evolved into -> Quick Adaptation(E)! 

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"Heh... That's quite a leap," he thought to himself, a smile forming inwardly as a sense of satisfaction blossomed within him. The next transparent screen began overlapping the current one, displaying the upgraded details of his newly evolved skill.
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[>>[QUICK ADAPTATION (E) ]<<] Type: Passive skill 1st: You can copy and analyze all the attack patterns of your opponent! 2nd: Your vision will not be affected or obscured by any environmental or elemental changes! 

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Upon seeing the greatly enhanced effects of the Quick Adaptation skill, Ji Wuye paused for a moment before bursting into delighted laughter that rang through the courtyard. "Hahaha! So this is what they call a fraudulent skill!"
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A wide, excited smile stretched across his face as he felt a surge of exhilaration from how far his abilities had advanced.
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His hand trembled slightly, the thrill of excitement coursing through his veins as the true extent of his newly upgraded abilities sank in. His chest felt tight, constricted by the sheer weight of happiness and anticipation for the new heights his powers could reach.
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Unbeknownst to Ji Wuye in that moment, caught up in visions of his boundless potential, he found himself lying on his back on the cold, unforgiving ground, gazing up at the vast tapestry of glittering stars that blanketed the night sky.
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His eyes shone with fierce determination, alight with the flames of ambition stoked by the profound evolution he had just experienced.
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"This is only the beginning..." he murmured, the words carrying a weighty finality as they escaped his lips in a hushed exhalation.
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‎‎‎[📖First ⏮️Previous Next⏭️]

Little background first. I’m a 38 year old male, smoker, previously had poor dental hygiene from being a homeless disabled veteran. Also heavy drug user. Lost a majority of my back molars. I have had a lot of work done the past year or two though, which is where our story starts. Back in July of last year I had a root canal. Afterwards the tooth hurt but not so much I was greatly concerned I just thought it was post op stuff, eventually the pain dissipated on my left bottom molar. A week or so later I started having issues with the right side of my face. My eye tears and I get tired often, maxillary sinus area burns, and the area feels like it’s infected. It causes great discomfort. This is November of last year, I get diagnosed with a sinus infection and take amoxiclav for two weeks and it semi improves and then goes back to being painful again. This goes on for months with doctor visits, all ending with no answers. My dentist isn’t the greatest. But I can afford her and she takes my insurance. I went back to her last week and told her my issues and she checked my teeth and asked about pain which I still have none in the tooth that this is all started around, but she found what she called “a small infection”. This is the only one infection anyone has found in this entire process so I’m wondering if it’s possible this is it because if it is I’m ready to just extract the tooth and get my health back with that and some paired antibiotics. I figured asking professionals would be a good first step though. I know it’s Memorial Day and people are enjoying family time so thank you if I get any responses.

I’m a 26 year old female who even though I appear ‘fit’ I can assure you I’m not. Whenever I run around 10 minutes in I can’t breathe… I have bad pain in the centre of my chest and it lasts a good hour or so until my body totally calms down after the exercise. I’ve totally avoided exercise because of how much the chest pain scares me. However I went swimming with my partner and little boy yesterday morning and swam 2 laps which is a lot for me. Within 24 of doing so I had horrific chest pain almost like a stabbing pain all on the upper left chest, my back muscles are killing me and so is my left arm. Whenever I cough the centre of my chest really hurts! As well as when I take a deep breathe in my whole left side (chest and rib cage) is aching. When I take slow calm breathes there’s no pain! And I had no other symptoms. I was convinced I was having a heart attack but it wasn’t that bad and as I said when sitting and being calm it disappeared but as soon as I got back up to sort myself out ready for bed it’s started again. I’ve had the pain for 9 hours now. I’ve taken otc pain relief and it did help. I have no actually issue with breathing just pain in the ribcage when I take deep breaths. I’m just concerned on what it is as every time I google it Costochondritis comes up. I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice?

Before I begin, I know this subreddit is full of people who will leak your address and burn down your house for having a different interpretation of the story than the commonly accepted one.
This is an alternate take/universe on the story we know. This is how I'd personally take Elizabeth/Baby's character for MY version of the story.
With that said, let me begin:
Elizabeth's Tragedy
Elizabeth is a 5-year-old girl who is unfortunately living in a neglectful household. She looks up to her father– as he is the only parental figure in the house– and idolizes him, as any kid would. She just desires to make him proud, to be deserving of love. She notices his obsession with a specific doll. It's not a normal one, though. This one is the size of an adult woman, standing tall and great in height, and it was hidden in William's workshop. She uncovered the robot, and then... She was snatched. William wasn't ready for something like this to happen.
She was crushed inside that suit, her bones broken and her lungs torn apart. She held a grudge against Afton, the man she called her father who left her to rot inside of that suit. He saw her as another opportunity, another experiment, and didn't care for her loss. She grew a hatred towards Afton, and when she saw Michael coming back to the storage facility which she had been locked away in, she had a plan. She was going to make her father, or at least, who she thought was her father, pay for what she had done to her. She was gonna make him suffer the same fate, living in a body not his own, being puppeted by someone else. Instead of being puppeted by an AI, it would be by several angry spirits hungry for vengeance.
But then, the plan fails. Michael escapes alive and Ennard is left without a host. But Michael left with something important. That.. that chip. Henry had installed that chip in the Ella doll- which William had refurbished into Circus Baby- with a developmental AI with the ability to think on its own. It could come up with a series of automated responses, and it could mimic whatever it saw. That AI was ingrained in the chip, and for years Elizabeth struggled to take full control of Baby when there was essentially another person with a mind of its own that already took control.
But when Michael removed that chip from Baby, Elizabeth regained full control. She could manage the doll like a puppet, and she set her plan in motion to become Ennard. This failed of course, as I previously mentioned, and now, Elizabeth is stuck with a hoard of angry and violent spirits.
The events of the Fourth Closet happen by this point, before FNAF 3. Now, the story is rewritten slightly. Elizabeth roams the streets as Eleanor, and she encounters Afton, now in Springtrap, who was living in the shadows and stalking the town of Utah. Elizabeth sees that her father has already been punished– locked and trapped in a suit and suffering the same pain that his victims had to go through.
Now.. she has who she wants by her side but.. what's the point anymore? He's not deserving of death, that's too good for him, but.. he's already been punished. Elizabeth, both as Baby and Elizabeth, has been neglected and left without a purpose for over a decade. Now is her chance, her opportunity to finally please her father like she had always wanted to.
She serves him for his evil deeds, but she doesn't embrace them. She just wants to make her father proud. Her self-worth is in the pits, so what else could she do? She fights for the lesser of two evils. But then, something happens.
Afton goes back to Henry's run-down, ruined house to find out how possession truly works- he wants to keep feeding off more and more human pain, fueled by the agony of the innocent. Henry was where it all began, after all. His suits were the ones which were possessed and moved around on their own- with their own thoughts. Afton's monstrosities were a blend of fueling rage and insane anger. Afton goes off to confront the Puppet, only to find that the Box in which the Puppet resided was empty. Afton decides to begin killing random victims on the street and try his best to replicate the MCI by making them possess inanimate objects.
While this happens, Baby is left with the kidnapped Jessica. Jessica, to this point, was depicted as almost the Daphne of the group. The stereotypical damsel in distress which always needed help from the strong ones. But in the twisted ones, Jessica proved herself to be perfectly capable of protecting herself and helping her friends as much as her friends helped her. Jessica knows what it's like to be seen as less, to be misunderstood as someone who will never be enough, this is why she is the perfect one to prove to Elizabeth that she doesn't have to prove herself to ANYONE to be worthy of love.
Jessica helps Elizabeth release the pain, the agony, (this would lead into how "Eleanor" exists during Frights) and when the confrontation against Afton arises, Elizabeth helps the others take down her father, being burnt slightly in the process, but surviving.
By FNAF 3/6, Circus Baby's arc has been fulfilled. She's been able to feel worthy of love, she's proven herself to someone– not to her father, but to herself. Her goal is fulfilled and now that she's stuck in this attraction, she lets herself burn, and her soul is freed into the Happiest Day.

Hi all,
I (29M) started a new position about 2.5 months back.
When I started, there was a period of time where it was only myself and my rather attractive woman (55 or so F) - who is my boss and my other boss's wife. She tells me that I remind her of her son who is out of the country. Since I had started recently she started to get to know me; she asked me personal questions like if I have a special lady in my life.
I gave her a brief breakdown of how a girl at my church was displaying points of interest, but I took too long to make a first move (self esteem issues and I have worked on them since then) and that she is married and now pregnant.
In that conversation she pointed out how she doesn't "think I will have any trouble finding" a significant other.
Other times I sprayed myself with some cologne in my office because I had spent some time in the little boys room and being in a construction warehouse - I didnt want to smell. She smelled it when she was walking by and asked if I sprayed something - when I told her what and why she tells me something like how she likes it or thinks it smells good. Another time I also sprayed it for similar reasons one of the guys thought it smelled good and later made fun of me for it upstairs (typical guy banter). I dont even know how her and I got onto that topic later, but she reiterated how it smells good.
The woman who I replaced came over for some drinks and to stay in touch with the team. I made a stupid joke about how she is the better looking one and my boss immediately jumped in and told me not to sell myself short.
I asked her recently if she thinks I should get a haircut as I dont have a great sense of style and took alot of learning to get my style to where it is now. She at some point mentioned how she thinks I would still look great with shorter hair (I try to keep it longer as I seem to get much more of a positive response with it longer).
She is on her second marriage now and this guy is a wreck physically. In his 60s and has arthritis to the point where he is in constant pain. Without medication he can lose his shit and freak the fuck out over things. Yelling and screaming really to the point of it being awkward.
She ALWAYS comes to my office and talks it through.... she says its because she wants to make sure I dont feel uncomfortable..... but it isnt just one or two times - nor is it even when he yells and screams with a tantrum. She comes over from across the hall often and seems rather down when he yells, and always seems to want to talk it out; whenever I respond she has difficulty with eye contact and sometimes seems like she just wants to talk and me listen which I am fine with.
She could be talking with him and he would cut her off by just shushing her, even when I am in the room to which she just responds with "Okay" and stays silent.
I relate to her and connect with her on alot of different things; similar values, similar figures of speech, similar personalities, etc. My mother was also abusive like the husband is and thats one reason I think I relate to her because I know exactly how it feels.
She honestly is really a catch.... shes charming, a joy to be around, warm and loving, smart (even if she puts herself down by saying she may take longer to get it but will eventually get it or something like how she is asking a blond question), and absolutely stunning for her age. This guy won the fucken lottery with her and it bothers me with how he treats her.
When my predecessor came in, I had drank a little too much at the gathering upstairs to the point where the room was spinning but wasnt actually drunk. I apparently seemed normal and had a full blown conversation. At the time she had mentioned that if this marriage doesnt work out then she is going to stay single. That night I ended up staying at the office untill 11-11:30 PM to let the drinks wear off before driving home. She texted me late that night to make sure I got home safely. A day or two later when it was just her and I again, we were talking about how I was that night because I dont have much memory of it - her statement about staying single came up and she said that she meant if he was hit by a car or something weird like that..... I am confident relationship issues with him being belligerent and emotionally abusive are more prevalent in her mind than him being hit by a car. I said how I figured she meant more how about him yelling, to which she said "that too" it was left with her asking me to keep it between us.
I apologized if it was too personal or inappropriate or something to that effect - which she didn't seem to think it was.
I am not the kind of guy to break up a marriage, but then again he is doing a pretty good job of that himself. Even today he starts yelling and hassling her - and the guy turns to me and smiles when she isnt looking as if it is funny. I have to admit that I am attracted to her, but all of this screams attraction but feels weird with how I remind her of her son. I cant say she would or wouldnt behave like this with another guy, but even things like when I was sitting in her office with one of the laborers and the church girl came up; he didnt know really who she was so I gave a brief outline and eventually made mention of how my self esteem issues work - mentioning that I get ALOT of attention from women but never follow through with it (mostly because my self esteem issues made me feel I am not attractive enough or good enough; a self made image that doesnt match the reality of the stares, side eye glances and other forms of desire for me to go and talk to them). In that moment she speaks up and asks for clarification of who is showing the interest and goes quiet after I clarify that it is them. I brought this up there partly to show that other people are showing interest and the result was interesting to say the least.
I know this is dangerous ground, but its something about her that just makes me a little crazy

First / Previous
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Suzanne thought it was absolutely brilliant of me to put books on a flash drive for Sun. She explained that Sun wasn’t as sophant (her word, not mine) as she might seem, more of a repository of information, but she was fairly intelligent. It was how she was able to connect Andrew being in pain to the fact that I was friends with Andrew, and that I would want to know that he was in trouble. Apparently some of Sun’s species had given some ‘wisdom’ to others in the past and it had made its way into mythology.
The key fact was that she was not smart enough to protect herself and her kind from the clever, organized poachers. With that information in mind, it was fascinating for me to think of how Sun took in and organized what she learned. It was almost as if she was a walking, talking library.
On the topic of tours, my first one went wonderfully, and I’m almost hoping Suzanne lets me do more of them. I know not all the tourists are going to be as awesome as these people were, but Suzanne gave me a lot of slack when it comes to dealing with them. She actually said that being a smartass is not grounds for dismissal, and that if I’m sarcastic or facetious to guests who are being ‘daft’ and they complain, she really doesn’t care. Is this the perfect job for me or what?
There were four guests in this party, two adults who were sisters and two children of one of the women, brothers aged thirteen and seventeen. The tour was a birthday gift for the older of the boys from his aunt, since apparently he was passionate about animal protection and conservation.
When they arrived at the front gate, I was sitting at Andrew’s desk, going over the booklet of information one last time. When the visitors pressed the button that sounded the alert buzzer, I tucked away in a drawer and let them in. I did have a cheat sheet with information about the animals on my phone just in case, a brief notation of each of them and which enclosure they were in, but I really didn’t need to use it.
Exiting through the front door, I saw them walk up the path toward me. “Hi, I’m Ripley,” I said, holding out a hand toward the woman closest to me.
She shook it firmly. “I’m Denise. This is my sister Carla and my nephews, Wesley and Jason,” she said, motioning to each of them in turn.
“I heard it’s your birthday,” I said to Wesley, giving him a smile. “You’re interested in animal conversation?”
“Back where we live, yeah,” he said, nodding. “The animals that you’ve got here are incredible. I can’t wait to see them.”
“Well, I can’t wait to show them to you,” I said. “Right this way.”
I led them on the path around the building, toward enclosure one. Despite the horrific memories of the animal killing Stanley’s friends, I knew it was just an animal, and I had to push past my feelings on what had happened. Keeping a small smile on my face, I motioned to the enclosure. “Fiercely territorial and amazing hunters, despite their large size, they’re arboreal and known to dart from tree to tree with barely a sound. This is one of only about two thousand left in existence.”
“Two thousand, three hundred and fifty six at last count,” spoke Wesley, his eyes on the trees.
I blinked, surprised and impressed. “Well that was fantastic. Do you plan on stealing my job when you graduate?”
Wesley looked at me with a grin. “Nah, everyone knows Suzanne only offers humans this gig. And I want to help animals like this one get off the endangered species list. The zoos are great for awareness and fundraising, but then the money has to go somewhere. I want to be doing the real work.”
“That’s really great,” I told him. “I wish you all the best in that career path.” At that, we saw the animal climb down from the tree, wandering a few yards from the tree line. This was because 90% of the time, when humans were at their enclosure and making noise, whether it was speaking to each other or calling out to the animal, it was someone bringing them prey to eat. Or, in my case, enrichment toys to play with.
“Whoa,” Wesley whispered.
“How close can we get?” spoke up Jason.
“The warding starts at the fence,” I told him with a small gesture. “So, just there.”
Both boys wandered closer and I glanced at their parents. It seemed that Suzanne’s zoo had a serious reputation for high quality invisible walls, because they didn’t look worried in the slightest about the boys being hurt or killed.
“They prefer dense forest as their home and have been known to make their nests in trees up to twenty meter in the air,” I continued. “And when hunting, they’ve been seen dropping eight meters straight down. They have incredibly dense yet flexible musculature, which allows them to tackle their prey without injuring themselves.”
There was more information about the animal that I continued to rattle off, though Wesley chimed in at certain points with the info I was about to convey. That was highly entertaining and very cool. When I’d been in school, I’d never met anyone who had my level of passion about endangered animals. I wondered if things were better where these folks came from, but realized that considering there were so few of these animals left, I guessed not.
The animal paced a little bit, seemingly waiting to see if we were the kind of humans that came bearing food, before deciding we weren’t and climbing back up into the trees as easily as I would climb some stairs.
As we moved onto enclosure two, Jason spoke up. “Are there any animals here we can touch or feed or something?”
I sighed inwardly before slowing to a stop. “Well, can you show me your hands?” Jason looked bemused, holding out his hands. “I mean…they both look like they’re in great shape. You can stand to lose one.”
The two women chuckled and Wesley smirked as Jason shoved his hands into his pockets. “Very funny.”
Grinning, I started walking again. “The animals here are all carnivores and all predators. You get to see them, but that’s it.”
“Alright.”
When we reached enclosure two, I started on my next spiel. “We’ve got three reanimated dead in this enclosure,” I spoke. They were just coming out from the trees as we arrived, presumably having heard our approach. “Marissa, Connor, and Bradley. They were donated by families who knew where they would be exhibited. Their next of kin, whoever they are, can’t stand the idea of putting them down. But we need to make sure they don’t have access to corpses, because one of them plus one corpse equals two of them.”
“They eat flesh though, don’t they?” Wesley asked.
I nodded. “Oh, yeah, but it’s from bodies that have already been dismembered. There’s no chance of them being affected by the transformation because it’s all parts.”
“Oh, got it.”
The creatures with blueish-white skin had superhuman strength, which is why they qualified for the security of Suzanne’s zoo. They also were likely the source of any Earth tales of people being brought back to life as zombies, specifically draugr, according to my research. They smelled like rotting flesh, so even as I kept talking about them and giving a background to the people they used to be, we were quick to move on once Wesley had gotten a good, long look at them.
“Enclosure four’s animal is a vampiric spirit. He’s a small, hairy humanoid creature with pointed ears. He wears a hat, and if he somehow loses it, he freaks out,” I said.
“They eat horses,” Wesley noted. “Also anything that gives them the chance to sit on it, usually catching them by surprise while they’re sleeping.”
The creature came out from the brush, giving us a suspicious look. He wasn’t in his humanoid form though; for some reason, he’d chosen to shapeshift to a dog.
I nodded. “Yep, indeed. Once the prey is dead, then he’ll eat it, and he has a voracious appetite. We have two wolves and two bears in the forest, which is one of the reasons I’ve got some self-defense items,” I said, patting my belt where my pepper spray (rated for bear) and my taser. “But the wards keep them out of this area of the zoo, so it’s really not much of a worry. It’s also a known shapeshifter, preferring the form of a dog, as you can see, as well as a cat, a snake, or even white butterflies, though the last one is rare.”
“The white butterflies are supposed to be a sign of good luck,” Wesley said, glancing to me. “Too bad we got the dog.”
“Yeah, otherwise you might be able to talk your mom into getting scratch-offs on your way home, huh?”
Wesley smirked at me.
The next enclosure was Spike, and he was waiting for us, dripping wet from having just emerged from the lake. I gave the introductory information about him, which included his propensity for eating animal eyes, nails, and teeth. “Recently, I’ve given him some enrichment activities, and I learned he likes artichokes, pecans, and hazelnuts,” I said, taking a bag out from my cargo shorts. “Wesley, do you want to toss this bag into the enclosure?”
The boy’s eyes widened and he nodded excitedly. He took a look into the paper bag before wrapping down the top to make sure nothing would fly out. Then he chucked it underhand past the fence. It landed a few yards from Spike, who waddled over to it quickly and tearing the bag open, spilling out the prizes inside. As the animal ate the pecans and hazelnuts, Wesley asked, “How’d you figure out he likes those?”
“It’s not all about taste,” I told him. “It’s mainly the difficulty of getting them out of the shells. He’s used to having to work for the parts of his prey he likes the most, so this mimics that activity, and he enjoys the process. I tried a bunch of different foods to find a few he liked.”
“Cool,” Wesley murmured, staring at him.
We watched Spike eat until he’d finished and then he went back into the woods, leaving us to move onto enclosure five. Japanese camellia were plentiful here, a type of pink flower, and that was because they grew anywhere near one of his species made their den. “This girl spends most of her time in the lake also,” I said, as the creature made its way toward the fence separating us from it. “But as you can see, she’s just as curious as the rest about what we’re doing here and whether we have food for her. She eats fish mostly, but she also regularly gets live prey.”
This creature was a spider-like monster, having six legs with long claws on each, and the head of an ox with two sharp horns. She was capable of shapeshifting to look like a human, but I guessed that she wasn’t fond of it, since I hadn’t yet seen her in that form.
“She prefers the easy way of catching prey, so to speak, by hiding in the lake and pouncing when something comes for a drink of water,” I explained. “Apparently humans are some of her favorite prey. She has an advantage of being able to spit poison, which often hits her prey in the eyes. But it’s usually used in defense rather than offense, since it secretes a limited amount.”
“What kind of animal would even go after something like this?” Jason asked, staring at her.
“Never discount one of its own species when you’re thinking about what might attack an animal,” I replied. “There are places that are breeding all of the animals here, but competition for mates is common. That means an advantage in a fight, like poison or venom, can make or break who the winner is.”
“Ah, gotcha.”
“It can’t spit past the warding, right?” Carla suddenly asked.
“Oh, no,” I assured her. “We’re fine. The wards wouldn’t let anything cross over.” She nodded, appeased.
The animal in enclosure six was the ginormous seal-hippo, Fiona, and she was looking at us as if she was imagining sprinkling us with herbs and spices and stuffing us in an oven. “This girl is one animal I’m going to work on enrichment activities for next,” I told them. “She prefers to feed on crayfish, though she’s happy to eat any humans that wander into her territory. She’ll even make a sound like a baby crying to reel us in. I’ve heard it a bunch of times.”
“Can you get her to make the sound?” Jason asked, perking up.
I grinned. “Not on command, sorry.”
“What enrichment are you thinking of trying?” Wesley asked.
“Possibly food placed in puzzle feeders,” I told him, “since she has claws that are pretty dexterous. Maybe a piñata made out of newspaper with flour inside, or a scarecrow that mimics a human.”
“Awesome,” he muttered.
After a little more educational tidbits, we moved onto Yui’s enclosure. “What is that?” Wesley asked, smiling.
“I got Yui the closest thing I could to a ping-pong ball,” I replied. “She quite likes it.”
“That’s so funny,” he said as she came out of the trees in her spider form. “I mean, the idea of her being a bloodthirsty hunter who seduces men to their deaths and eats them alive, but then on the other hand, she likes playing with something like this.”
“It is a little funny,” I agreed. “But when it comes down to it, all the animals here enjoy activities besides hunting.”
“She can shapeshift to look human, right?” asked Jason, trying to be casual about knowing something factual like his nerdy brother.
I nodded. “She looks like a woman from a region of Earth called Japan. And she’ll use strategies like holding out a hand to shake to get you closer. She tried that on me when I first got here but, as you can see,” I said, holding up my hands and waving them, “I didn’t fall for it.”
The boys both laughed as they got closer to the fence, watching her slowly pace near the trees.
Next was Sun, but she didn’t make an appearance as I spoke about her species. “Well…unfortunately we can’t guarantee that every animal comes out to say hi,” I sighed. “But…oh wait, here she is.”
The green lion with several horns and many eyes along her flank came out from the forest. “Hello,” she spoke.
“Hi, Sun,” I replied. “We have visitors.”
“What’s that?” Wesley asked suddenly, pointing at the small plastic bag that was still where I’d left it.
“Oh! That is Sun’s enrichment,” I said with a smile. “I put dozens of books on a flash drive and found that she can read them just like she’d read a shelf of books.”
Wesley’s eyes widened. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve read about anyone trying that before. That’s really cool.”
“The books are new and interesting,” Sun spoke, drawing our attention. “I’m grateful for them.”
I nodded to her. “You’re quite welcome.”
The next animal, unfortunately, wasn’t there, and we waited around for ten minutes as we discussed him. He was large and reptile-like with red eyes, with its hind legs and tail making him look vaguely like a kangaroo. Then, enclosure ten was a terrifyingly disturbing creature, the not-a-centaur with no skin, that I’d only seen a few times while walking my route. It gave a good demonstration of its ferocity, showing its sharp teeth and snapping at us a few times.
“I’m thinking of trying salt licks and other horse enrichment like a big bouncy ball,” I told Wesley, whose eyebrows went up at that. “Maybe give him more things to forage like scattered grains or a box filled with pinecones and seeds. Foraging is a huge part of a horse’s life in the wild, and humans have to do a lot of activities like that to keep pet horses busy. Of course, he also loves the little salt-water lake that was built for him.”
We spent some time looking at the animal before moving past our last stop, the empty enclosure of the animal was stolen. Carla glanced at me with a sad smile, knowing what had happened, it seemed. I gave her a nod as we continued on our way, walking into the office. “So, I hope everyone enjoyed themselves!” I said with a smile.
“That was the coolest birthday present I’ve ever gotten,” Wesley said, looking to Denise. “Thanks so much, seriously.”
“It was my pleasure,” she said with a nod. “I’d never been here before, and knew I’d find it fascinating. Thank you for the educational aspect,” Denise said, glancing at me. “I learned quite a lot.”
“Happy to hear it,” I said, returning the nod.
As I escorted the guests out of the zoo and locked the door behind them, I reflected on how much I’d changed. The first time I’d seen Yui’s tarantula form, I’d nearly passed out from fear. Now here I was, walking tourists around like it was no big deal. Humans really can adapt to anything, it seems.
That afternoon, Suzanne had texted me that she was coming by after my shift, and I met her in Andrew’s office, shutting the door to the security room behind me. “How’s Andrew?” I asked first thing.
“He’s doing well,” she said with a wide smile. “Back on non-hospital food. He’s allowed to order food on his phone, and to hear it from him, that’s the best news he’d received in a long time.”
I chuckled. “I guess some clichés are true for a reason.”
“Indeed.” She took a breath. “All right. Ripley…I would like to discuss something with you.”
My face went slack at the serious tone in her voice. “I’m not… Am I being fired?”
“What? No!” she exclaimed. Then she chuckled softly. “No, it’s nothing like that. Just, here, let’s have a seat.” Suzanne walked over to the couch and sat at one end, and I took the other. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something I’ve kept from you, that I wanted to keep from you until you found your sea legs here.”
“Well…I have,” I said with a nod. “So, what is it?”
Suzanne took a breath. “I knew your mother.”
The words hung in the air for a moment before making their way to my ears. It was a perfectly logical sentence, and yet it didn’t make any sense. “What?” I finally managed.
“When you graduated college, I decided to move the zoo from Italy to within driving distance of your home,” she said softly. “Near enough to your town that you’d see the advert. We ignored any other applicants and I hoped you’d apply. Actually, I expected you’d apply. Not just for the money, but considering the field you wanted to go into. As soon as I’d found out your major, I knew.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” I said, holding up a hand. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “How do you know Patricia?”
“She owned the zoo before I did,” Susan explained. “Fourteen years ago…she was working to track an injured animal that we could bring into the zoo and she was killed by poachers.”
My heart calcified in my chest and a lump lodged in my throat. As my breaths became shaky, I stared at her in shock. “She…she’s really dead?”
“You suspected?” she asked softly.
“It…” I swallowed hard. “We had her declared legally dead after…I don’t know, seven years I think. My dad wanted to go after her for child support, but the police said…they said they couldn’t find…” Tears came to my eyes and I blinked them back before I met Suzanne’s gaze. “She owned the zoo?”
Suzanne nodded. “It was her baby, you’d say. When Patricia passed, I inherited it, which we’d discussed beforehand, a legal just-in-case that I never expected her to need. I’m under the impression that you were told she went to Africa for her photography career, but she was in fact going to remote areas back in my home world almost every time.”
“But I-I saw the photos,” I said, my eyes narrowing. “You’re telling me she put on a show of getting pictures that someone else took for us to see every time she visited? Did my dad even know?”
“I suppose that’s an accurate way to put it, putting on a show. And no, your father was never told. It’s not the way of things to tell humans unless it’s necessary. I won’t bore you with the details, but us and humans, we’re distant relatives, so we can still have children. But it wasn’t planned. Your mother fell in love with your father despite herself; she hadn’t meant to find love. Then she became pregnant with you and…well, the rest is history.”
“I think she had a different definition of love than the one I have,” I said tightly. “You’d think she’d have put her survival as more of a priority. Put being with the man she ‘loved’ as a priority. Her kids needed her. I needed her. She signed up when she became a mom. She could’ve screwed up all the time but she couldn’t even manage that one job: be there. When I was in the hospital, I kept thinking, ‘Where is she?’ and now you’re telling me that she put these animals above being there for her kids, and this whole time she’s been dead.”
“The hospital?” she asked, furrowing her brows.
“Never mind,” I said tersely, averting my gaze.
Suzanne hesitated before she nodded slowly. “I’m sorry for your loss, and not just for her death, Ripley,” she told me. “Patricia was…well, a ‘free spirit’ would be putting it gently. She always assumed the world would be there for her whenever she needed it.”
Staring at her for a long moment, I shook my head. “Why? Why come here and hire me?”
“I thought that would be obvious,” she said, smiling. “Your mother was so passionate about this place and once I found out your college major, I figured you would be as well.”
“Did you know that I hate her?” At that, Suzanne’s expression froze on the edge of shock. “She…she left us,” I whispered. “Didn’t tell us who she was or what she really did for a living and gave us no closure. And even when she was here, it was just visiting. Her real home was her work. She could give me all the presents she wanted, but even when she was here, half the time she was still on her computer doing work. It’s not like that stereotype of never making it to my tennis practice or something; it’s that it always felt like she was only partially here, even when I was sitting next to her. I don’t even know if I appreciate her turning me into a wildlife fanatic because it…it…makes me feel like I’m close to her in a way that’s just infuriating. She loved the animals more than she loved us.”
“Oh, Ripley-”
“Don’t,” I said, shoving myself to my feet. “Don’t try to convince me otherwise.”
“I wasn’t going to,” she said quietly. I pursed my lips. “I was going to say that I’m sorry that was the case. Your mother was…flawed, just like any other person. She had two loves in this world: her family and her work. And often, her work overcame her, her zeal for environmentalism getting in the way of being a good mum. She left your father trying to fill the role of two parents, holding your family together. You and your brother and your father, you all deserved better than that.”
My lower lip quivered but I bit down on it hard. It would’ve been a lot easier for me if she’d been speaking from a place of clueless reassurance about all this. But everything she said was making sense and that meant I didn’t have someone in front of me to be angry with.
“Why didn’t you tell me when Andrew hired me?” I sighed, sitting back down on the couch.
“Well, like I said, I wanted you to find your sea legs,” she said with a small smile. “I didn’t want the truth affecting whether or not you wanted to work here, whether you wanted to stay here after finding out about what the animals are. It would’ve complicated things, the emotions you’ll have to work through now that you know the truth. Whether or not you decide to give another tour, you also know what they’re like. That’s the benchmark I wanted you to reach before you found out about who you are.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Who I-” My face went slack. “Wait.”
Suzanne nodded slowly. “You’re only half human. Your brother too.”
The room seemed to tilt on an axis for a moment. “That means I’m also half…what?”
“We call ourselves Eldritch, these days,” she replied.
My eyes bugged out. “What?” I exclaimed. “So you’re all, like, gods or something?”
Suzanne burst out laughing. “Oh no, goodness, no,” she chuckled. “It’s just a word. We live in a very different world from this one, and a few generations ago we discovered the word and it made its way into our lexicon. But it does mean you can see all the animals. Indeed you did, on the tour you gave.”
“Wait, no, I had the glasses that…” I stopped. “Did those glasses do anything?”
She gave a sly smile and shook her head. “Not a thing. You made incredibly quick progress, and then when it came time for the tour, all you needed was to expect to see the animals, and you did.”
Genetics. That’s what Andrew had said during our interview, that part of how many animals you could see was determined by genetics. I guess having a mother who was originally from the other dimension gave me all the genes I needed to see everything here. “Could I…visit your world?” I asked tentatively. “You said that my mom took photos of the animals there. Could I…” My voice trailed off, not even sure if or how I wanted to finish that sentence.
“Those who are half human, especially those who are raised on Earth, don’t come visit,” she said gently. “I could show you some photos of other animals, and I could loan you as many books as you’d like, but it’s simply not a place where you’d be safe.”
“Oh,” I said, leaning into the couch cushion as I pictured the animals in the zoo. “Yeah, actually that…makes sense.” I paused. “So, what now?”
“It’s up to you,” she said. “I wanted to wait until I was sure you were comfortable with your position here, and then put the ball in your court. And so it is. What do you want to do now?”
What did I want to do? It wasn’t that difficult a question, just a deep, serious one.
I wanted to thrive, as the animals did. This is my enrichment now, working at an incredible, wonderful, terrifying zoo. The experience so far hasn’t been perfect, and I know there are risks, but life isn’t about staying safe. It’s about learning new things and making a difference in the world. And, if you’re lucky, having a job that’s something really special.
​
First / Previous

TLDR: Lower back and hip pain for 2 years, mixed diagnoses, desperate for suggestions for a way forward.
I’ve had lower back pain for the last two years and I feel at rock bottom. I feel like I’ve wasted so much money on physical therapy etc and still have no answers or improvements.
My symptoms are a sharp pain at the lowest part of my back on the right side plus a sharp pain and pulsating in both hips and down the front of my legs. Sitting relieves it all and I feel fine but as soon as I stand up or move around the pain starts. I’ve had an X-ray of my right hip which was all clear. Bloods all fine and no numbness or groin related issues. It’s ruining my life and really impacting my mental health now.
I saw a physio for 6 months. He thought sacroiliac joint inflammation at first, then suggested it could be a disc bulge. He gave me exercises to do to work on my core but there were no improvements. I then saw an Oesteopath who said it was the Quadratus Lumborum muscle inflamed. He used a massage gun, minimal hands on work, and gave me similar exercises, again no improvement after 4 months. I’ve tried a few sessions at a chiropractor who said my pelvis was a bit misaligned but no improvement after the sessions and even she suggested I go back to a physio. My latest Oesteopath is saying it’s probably lots of general inflammation and weak muscles so again I’m not feeling hopeful. If it’s of any relevance, I find the yoga position of Cow to be fine but the Cat really hits the exact painful spot and I can’t do it at all. Also I’m female, 40s, overweight by about 100lbs and have a desk job. I do gentle yoga most days. U.K. based.
My doctor was so reluctant to send me for any scans as previously I had to have multiple chest exams due to a serious infection. Eventually she allowed one X-ray on my right hip but that came back perfectly fine. All blood tests were also fine. She won’t send me for any other tests or scans and says just to continue with physio.
I’m at my wits end and am desperate for some answers. Would anyone suggest a specific exam that I could pay for privately to see what’s causing this? Or is there a specialist who would do a more thorough diagnosis than a PT or Oesteopath? I just want to know what it is and start to see even the smallest of improvements. Any thoughts, ideas or suggestions on where to go next would be very welcome! Thank you and apologies for the long post.

I’m hoping to hear from people who have experienced similar symptoms and hopefully get some advice on what to do next. For the past 2.5 months I’ve been having strange abdominal pains in different places. The pain feels like a stinging pain around my belly button area it’s mostly on my right side slightly above my belly button but I also feel the same pain on my left side, it’s a hard pain to describe it doesn’t feel like a deep ache it’s more of a stinging/burning pain underneath the skin only lasting a few minutes at a time. The painful areas are tender to touch. I also feel pain higher up in my abdomen underneath my ribs again the pain comes and goes. my stools have become more looser and I have been having occasional diarrhoea but some days my stool is normal.
I have had blood tests all come back normal stool qfit test - negative and an ultrasound which was clear. My Dr has said he believes it is Gastritis I’m currently tapering off of omeprazole to undertake a H pylori test.
My question is has anyone else had these symptoms and if so do you have any advice as to how I can deal with them.

• I have been on 20mg omeprazole daily for 10+ years due to being diagnosed with hiatal hernia via endoscopy

25, f, normal weight. Upfront - I've already been to an orthopedist, had an x-ray done, and got told he can't see anything on the x-ray except that I have a hollow back. His recommendation: Train your back muscles. (Fair ofc but also not very insightful)
Every time after doing sports (I do badminton, dancing and ice skating in winter, all at low amateuhobby level), I get immense one sided pain in my hip/ lower back area. This has been the case ever since I started working out regularly, about 18 months. It's a dull sting when I walk and it makes me limp, because I can't step down with my left foot without collapsing my leg because of the pain. It actually never occurs during sport activites, but when I get home after sports, it starts setting in. I can trigger this pain any time by elevating my hip area while laying on my back and then relaxing into the position - (which I can't cus it hurts). Since the pain feels like the sort of tension that builds before cracking your joints, I thought it I might be able to receive immediate relief after just cracking the right spot - which is why I tried leaning into it on my foam roller. Doesn't work though, just hurts. This is the only position I know of where I can replicate the pain at all. Other than that, it's usually gone the next morning and doesn't affect me outside of that or appear at all. Except after sports...
Since my doctor didn't really say much and I also couldn't get a prescription for physio therapy or chiropractor (which I thought could've possibly helped), I dont know what to do or think now. Especially since I still don't know what this actually is. So if anyone has a possible, biological explanation, that would be great. Dr said it's probably muscular, although it doesn't quite feel like it... more like a pinched nerve because it's so "occasional". But I don't know.
Any advice or ideas? I mean there's gotta be something wrong and have some reason.

Throwaway and TW abuse, self harm, SA. I'm gonna just get into everything.
I'm a 27yo M and I feel like my life isn't going to get any better. I know that's a common sentiment but truly I have tried to look at how things could improve from every angle and it looks bleak.
Believe me, there is this spirit in me that wants to keep fighting and wants to figure it out and try to stay positive. The more I look at it, the more it feels like the best option is to just end it in a way my family doesn't have to know about. I want to go back to school and get my degree since I'm only one semester away, but due to a disagreement between my mother (my parents are split) and I, she reversed my student loans leaving me with an active balance of about ~$7k with the university. I barely even make enough for rent so coming up with that was already daunting. Because it's an active balance, I can't try and negotiate a payment plan or look into forgiveness. I need $7k in hard cash before I can even get my transcript again. It's been 5 years now. It's not like I don't have valuable skills - I work in IT and have several certifications and experience. A lot of times I will figure things out more quickly than other coworkers (I don't think this makes me better than them but after working so many jobs that I struggled with like food service I am seeing that I have strengths in this field comparatively). I just always self sabotage.
This past month I've been in a horrible depressive episode mostly just laying in bed. I stopped going to my job because I didn't feel welcome anymore. I worked at a very female-centric university for about 2 years which I really did enjoy. I felt welcomed at first and it did help me address my fear of women a little bit I'm really nervous about making people uncomfortable with unwanted advances. It took me a long time to work up the courage to get my first kiss and even then it was forced and I guess that fucked me up a bit. Now I can't tell what's appropriate when so I just don't engage usually, which really sucks because I see people that I want to tell them how I feel but I'm like what's the point I'm just going to bother them. It's crazy because I have been with a good amount of people but it was mostly online dating. Maybe that speaks to my character further having been with so many people that didn't stick around.
Growing up, my dad didn't have a lot of friends or really go out since he was an addict. We never really had dances or social things like that at home and my dad was devout Catholic so I went to private school for a while. I can see now how that affects my social skills and of course I want to overcome it. I try not to be angry at the hand I've been dealt so I try to go out and learn and grow. It's so fucking hard. I know getting out of your comfort zone is never going to be easy. But I seriously feel like I need help navigating these spaces and I don't know how to ask without everybody writing me off even more than they already do. I don't want to bother anyone either. I hate asking for help but I really do want to get better. I danced with one girl I didn't know a while ago at some 80s themed thing and I actually really enjoyed it even though I was terrified. Since then though, I haven't been able to work up the courage to ask anyone else.
I've found the raving community to be very helpful and welcoming but idk. I DJ but it feels like maybe I just don't know the vibes or something. Maybe I'm just not good. It's never been successful. It still feels like there's a barrier between me and other people and where I want to be. I try to be as kind and friendly as possible but again I don't want to bother people. I don't know what it is about me but I feel like I just linger and I hate it. I would hate talking to me so I get why people don't. I feel like I'm too far gone to reprogram that. It's an issue with my core personality. It gets even worse when I'm attracted to someone because I tell myself you don't even like yourself, why would they like you? I can't help how I feel though. Of course I want to act on my feelings and be involved. I love being affectionate. It feels like there's just no way people would ever know unless they gave me a chance. I don't like being on that end. I just want to be looked at how they look at other dudes. I don't think I'm ugly. I've been told I'm not. I guess I just don't have anything to offer. So I just end up acting awkward. I've had a thought that maybe girls do want me to talk to them and I don't and they think I'm rude for that. I try to make my compliments genuine and not like stupid (I hate pickup lines). I like to go up to a girl and tell her she looks gorgeous and see her light up. I just feel wrong for it.
The only girl I've ever truly felt at home with (we'll call her M) was my middle school crush. I remember seeing her walk through the halls at the school I just transferred to and I noticed her instantly. I never thought a girl like that would go for me. Turns out, her sister had a crush on me. When she told me, I told her. She ended up being my best friend for almost 13 years. We lost our virginities together in high school and throughout the years would float into each other's lives. It never did work out, though. Either one of us would move or I would do something stupid. When we did hook up that first time, I bragged to my football team that it happened. I told her about it thinking she would love that I was so elated. Stupid shit like that. Well, fast forward to my dad passing away in 2019. I was living with my gf at the time since my mom messing with my loans left me homeless. I hadn't talked to M in maybe 3-4 years when she messaged me out of the blue. I didn't know what to do but I fucked up. We ended up seeing each other and she wanted to be with me. Ultimately, I chose to stay with my gf since I felt that she was less likely to walk out on me. It was a hard decision. I don't think it was fair to anyone. I tried not to look back but I would look up her socials every once in a while and saw that she was engaged. Ship sailed. Tried to be appy she was happy. Didn't really like the guy but maybe he was better than me.
Until she called me one night. 3 years later, out of the blue. She was bawling her eyes out saying she needed her oldest friend. He had assaulted and violated her multiple times, even put her in the hospital. It wasn't the first time. I'd confronted some of her previous abusive ex's. This was the first time she was engaged though, with the whole family pressuring her. That same family that was so emotionally abusive towards her, that I had helped keep her safe from. She felt trapped. For the first time in my life maybe, I felt like I was exactly where I was meant to be. I had finally stabilized over the last year after my gf and I split and I was left with our house. I was actually about to leave to be with my mom in CA when I landed the university job and stayed. I had been getting out more and getting into raving. Her calling felt like fate. Even more so, I didn't want my best friend to suffer like that. I'd seen my mom go through it enough. I told her that even if nothing works out with us, she shouldn't marry this asshole. During that call, he pulled up as she had left the house because she didn't feel safe. I knew it was serious. Throughout the next few months, I helped her come up with a plan to get out (shout out to abuse victim resources, seriously). She was able to tell her friends and they even helped her find a new place to stay. I offered but she was understandably hesitant.
I can't lie, I was really happy. I felt awful that she'd gone through what she did but I was glad that she called and I could at least do something. And I was glad that maybe I had a chance to make things work. It felt like fate. I would think about her all the time. She was the one I wished was with me at every festival or concert. When we finally did meet again, she was honestly even more beautiful than when I'd last seen her. She would tell me about all the things that she wished she could do but her fiancé wouldn't let her anymore and they were all things I loved. We started dating again soon like we'd never left off. We'd do everything together and always have a great time. I remember one night we went to a concert and it was lame so we left early and got stuck in traffic but the whole time we were talking and that was enough to make it so fun. We were one of those rave couple that watched out for others and introduced new people to their first time. We made so many friends and they called us lightning in a bottle. I wanted it to be for real this time.
I can't really say when it started to fall apart. I think right from the beginning I was so worried about her that it made me obsessive. Sometimes she would go out with her friends (which I wanted for her) but I wouldn't hear from her and I would get worried...and a little jealous. I still wasn't feeling confident in the normal bar scene so I didn't go out with them much. I did want to but I was afraid of embarrassing myself. Still hadn't even really danced with anyone at this point. I also blamed myself for her fiancé. If I had just treated her right she wouldn't have met him and gone through that. So what if I fuck it up again? I think this started a cycle of me panicking, making rash decisions, then trying to fix those with more poor decisions. A common theme was me drunk texting other girls when I didn't hear from her. I was scared of what would happen if she left. Where would I be? Of course I know how this comes off. I loved her. Fear is just that powerful of a motivator for me. I thought the hurt would be devastating.
Around the 4 month mark is where it really started to turn. Her father passed in a very horrible way. M had told me a lot over the years. Their relationship was estranged but she always wanted the best for him. He didn't even leave a note. It hit her hard, especially being the oldest on that side of the family. Again, it was like I was put there for a reason. I felt I could really understand how she felt. Probably the only couple in the world that could pull off fire dead dad jokes...at the funeral. That's how we tried to approach everything bad - holding each other and laughing at how bizarre this world can be. I still miss her sense of humor. The trip to see her father, a man I knew so much about and yet only met at his funeral, was probably the last happy moment for us.
I'd never really liked M's family for how they treated her. They reminded me a lot of how my dad and stepmom treated me and I didn't like that. But I wasn't going to get in the way of their relationship, I always considered myself on M's side no matter what. It was difficult to be around them - her grandfather was abrasive and racist, her grandmother was manipulative, and I had been through too much shit not to call it out when I saw it. They didn't like that I wasn't a pushover like her fiancé. So going to a weekend cookout at their house for M's birthday was daunting. M wasn't crazy about it but wanted to humor them and I was up for it. I ended up getting really overwhelmed and drunk. I tried to sleep it off but I couldn't get away from all the negative thoughts so I just started walking toward the highway. M tried to chase me in her car and I didn't want her to so I chucked a bottle in her direction. Her family saw it. Doesn't really make it better but I hadn't been trying to hit her. I just wanted to get away. That made things worse so I ended up running into some woods nearby. Got really lost and wouldn't cooperate. Eventually as the sun set I started to sober and realized it was serious and somehow made it out.
We broke up after that but kept talking. I got back on my meds and started going to therapy a lot more intensively. Things started to look better around a month or so later. She wanted to do something for our 6-month mark, try to fix it. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea but I wanted to invite one of our other friend couples for like a double date/party at my house. Mostly because I was out of drugs and thought it'd be nice to have some. Well, I ended up getting too zoinked on x and trying to start a 3-way. Still don't really know what I was thinking. M found out and was devastated. The comedown was so harsh I went crazy and ended up taking her car saying I was just gonna leave forever and trying to slit my wrists in the bathroom tub. Easily the worst night of my life. She had even made me a little painting saying she loved me forever. It was the thing from her I hung onto the longest.
We somehow kept talking and met up a few weeks later. I didn't want her to leave. I was grasping at straws at this point. She stayed a few days but finally had to. After that, she started to get overwhelmed and said she didn't know if she wanted to do it anymore. I kinda went crazy and texted her a lot trying to get her to respond so we could talk. She didn't for a couple days. In one of those texts, I asked if I needed to come up to her job. I wasn't serious (I didn't have a car and was trying to prove a point) but I guess that was the one that really made her panic. She reported it to her work's security and it turned into a whole thing. Nothing happened to me and I don't know how true this is but she told me a few months later that it got her fired. I really didn't mean for that to happen.
Over the next few months, I tried everything I could to fix it. I transferred to a campus closer to her and gave up everything in the small little hope that it might show her I was serious. Ended up living with my grandma and tried to work on myself. I tried talking to her family and friends. When M did talk to me it was nothing but disdain. She would tell me about how she was happier and meeting better people. That she figured I only saved her so I could trap her myself. I remember she called me a convenience that wasn't very convenient and straight up evil. It's never fun to be on the sharp end of wit like that I guess. It fucked me up pretty good. No one has ever been able to get through to me like she does. I feel like I deserved it.
After a while, missing her turned into something else. I got transportation and started rebuilding my life. The more I thought about it though, the more angry I would get. Not just at what had happened recently, but all of it. I felt as though she had just lied about loving me and used me as a backup all those years. I remember her friend saying "Not all of us have a [my name] to call". On top of that, we ended up in some of the same scenes and her friends got me banned. So I started to bite back with some fucked up things. She blocked me on everything after I kept drunk calling her so I contacted her through temporary numbers. Even faked my own death. It wasn't about getting her back anymore. It was mutual destruction.
Eventually, she found a boyfriend and I moved on. Got my own place again. Still reeling from all this, I ended up developing a crush on a coworker. I have a principle not to get involved with people from my job but I really felt like I had found potential. It took a lot of work to win her over. I basically did everything I had been too scared to do in relationships before. I actually got out of my comfort zone. I tried to do things right. We got involved but I don't think she ever really had feelings for me. She was just really mean. Maybe I deserved that too.
The coworker wouldn't leave me alone after we broke up for good. I told her that once I was moving on I couldn't go back. Not after M. She kept asking about me and somehow kept seeing me on campus. I knew she what she was doing and I was fed up and I didn't want to go to work. I couldn't transfer again due to some internal politics. I figured hey might as well shoot for unemployment.
So that's where I'm at. As of right now, it doesn't look like my plan is going to work. I didn't think it would. I can't find employment due to a court case I'm stuck in right now. I know M will never come back after everything that's happened. I don't think I'll be able to find anyone I feel the same way about, or that feels that way about me. I guess my only options right now are to pour everything I have into my music or just fade away. I don't see the music thing working out though. I've been doing it for almost a decade and it never does.
I'm not proud of anything I wrote here. I would like to make that clear. I expect a lot of judgement and honestly feel that I deserve it. Maybe that's why I'm writing this. I don't know. Thanks for reading.

I’m hoping to hear from people who have experienced similar symptoms and hopefully get some advice on what to do next. For the past 2.5 months I’ve been having strange abdominal pains in different places. The pain feels like a stinging pain around my belly button area it’s mostly on my right side slightly above my belly button but I also feel the same pain on my left side, it’s a hard pain to describe it doesn’t feel like a deep ache it’s more of a stinging/burning pain underneath the skin only lasting a few minutes at a time. The painful areas are tender to touch. I also feel pain higher up in my abdomen underneath my ribs again the pain comes and goes. I’m not sure if this is connected but my stools have become more looser and sometimes floating this happens a few times a week. I have had blood tests which have all been normal, qfit test - negative and an ultrasound which was clear. My Dr has said he believes it is Gastritis I’m currently tapering off of omeprazole to undertake a H pylori test.
My question is has anyone else had these symptoms and if so do you have any advice as to how I can deal with them.

• I have been on 20mg omeprazole daily for 10+ years due to being diagnosed with hiatal hernia