Example completed self appraisal forms

for my whole life i’ve had an irregular cycle and heavy periods. my old gynecologist said that it was just part of puberty and i would eventually grow out of it.
i am now 22, from November 2023 through february 2024, i bled every single day. this was coupled with intense cramps, headaches, and mood swings. i saw a new doctor, (doctor 1) and she tried to put me on a progesterone cycle. this did not help at all and the bleeding never stopped. doctor 1 told me it would eventually stop on its own.
then, i went to doctor 2. this doctor believed me that something was wrong. she prescribed me a birth control with a high dose of estrogen. This stopped the bleeding for about a month.
in april, the bleeding began again and i was prescribed a new form of birth control with an even higher dose of estrogen. Doctor 2 recommended that i get an ultrasound but her practice did not have the resources so she referred me to doctor 3.
I went to doctor 3 and got an ultrasound. she says everything on the ultrasound looks completely normal and nothing is wrong with me. i explain to her that i have been bleeding for nearly three weeks straight. she says that either i “just have a heavy period” or the birth control is making me bleed. But i’ve been bleeding since before the BC!!!
I tried going off the pill but surprise surprise, IM STILL BLEEDING.
i’m so tired of being told nothing is wrong because i KNOW something is wrong. i am financially struggling from the amount of period products i am buying each week, i feel like shit constantly, my sex life is suffering, and i just NEED IT TO STOP!!
this is not sustainable. i can’t live like this forever. but every doctor i see just says that im fine. i don’t know what to do anymore.
i’ve brought up pcos, endo, hormone deficiencies, but i am always dismissed. can anyone give me any sort of idea of what is happening to me or how to get people to listen? i just need it to stop.

(Hi! This is the first time I've posted a long text about the society of keys. I hope you like it. It about Edward and Erin. I know long texts don't usually work here. But I made this from the heart and I wanted to share it with you. Without further ado, let's get started!)
Out of Continuity: Lair of the Society of Keys
The basement/clinic was completely silent, only disturbed by the occasional beeping of one of the Medical Teams. Suddenly the 5 members of the society entered, all carrying Erin, who was in a very weak state of health, black marks came out of her mouth, and spread across her skin.
Elizabeth: Leave her on the bed, carefully…
They gently placed her on her bed, while they hooked her up to monitors to view her vital signs. Which were at worryingly low levels. The 5 members left all their keys on top of Edward's desk. Next to a small black device similar to a wristwatch.
Eechiro: Damn, what did they inject herwith?
Eric: No idea, that guy came out of nowhere, although he left this syringe behind.
Elizabeth: We have more important issues right now. Her signs are stable but they are declining at a worrying speed, we have to find a way to cure her...
Edward moves away a little to lean against one of the laboratory counters. His mind was still racing, Erin's voice began to hit his psyche. Repeating her name over and over again. Until his mind decided to take him to THAT night. He could feel like Erin was hugging him...
"Please…"
His pupils shrank, turning into small black dots. His arms had the reflex of trying to hug the air in front of him. The only thing that could bring him back to reality was Eechiro's clicking noises. Which was in front of him, trying to get his attention, while he repeated his name.
“Edward! Edward! Richter!” Eechiro gave up and returned to the rest of the society, who were surrounding Erin “Nothing! "He's like in Shock, I can't get him out of there!"
Edelgard: “Leave it, we have to do something soon! If we don't find a way to cure her, she's going to die."
Those last words gave Edward the boost he needed, without saying a single word. He approached his desk and took 5 keys next to the strange clock. After this, he began to leave the basement. While he put the watch on his wrist.
“We have to make a plan to get into his base, Edward, do you have any ideas…?” Eric noticed that Edward was leaving the basement, and after a quick glance he also saw that he had taken the keys. “Get him, it’s trying to leave the house!”
The four members of the society followed Edward who walked determinedly towards the door to leave the society base. Just a few meters away, Elizabeth and Eechiro began to pull his arms. While Edelgard held him by the back of the neck.
Eechiro: “You're not leaving!”
Edward quickly crouched and performed a roundhouse kick to knock down the three who were trying to pin him down. Eric placed himself between Edward and the door to prevent him from leaving.
Eric: “Edward, No! We need a plan!" He said as he held on to the door frame to prevent Edward from pushing him.
“ERIC, I KNOW YOU HAVE GOOD INTENTION. BUT I ASK YOU TO GET OUT OF THE WAY” Edward said as he looked at the floor. Eric remained immovable in place.
“I can't do that Edward, I know you're angry. But going like this is…” Eric didn't finish his sentence, because Edward put his hand on his shoulder, after which he made eye contact with him. Eric looked closely into the eyes of forensic. It wasn't the look of someone angry, but of someone scared and determined. For the first time, he could see a look on Edward that wasn't one of indifference. But of absolute concern. After which, the young diver take his decision, getting out of the way. Edward just nodded his head and walked out the door. When Elizabeth, Edelgard and Eechiro stood up they went directly to face Eric.
Eechiro: “What did you do Eric? You went crazy. He ran away and take the keys!”
Elizabeth: “He didn't take everything… he lefts Erin's key. Although Eechiro is right, what were you thinking? Did you let him go alone to face an army? What were you thinking?”
Eric: “You didn't see it… that look was relentless. I'm afraid of what will happen..."
Edelgard: “If you were afraid, why did you let him go?”
Eric: “I'm not afraid for Edward... I'm afraid for whoever decides to stand in his way. Although that is secondary now, We have to make sure we keep her alive.... Come on, let's get moving!”
Universe 18-24-53: Lair of the Steelwater.
Edward arrived at the outskirts of a bar, from outside he could see multiple men sitting at the tables. Most of them had baseball bats or brass knuckles. At the centre table there were four men playing poker. After a few seconds of thinking, he decided to go inside.
“Look and cry gentlemen, I have Full House,” said a man as he slammed the table hard. Another responded to him, as he revealed his cards, “Very interesting, but…”
"What!? An R-Royal straight!? “That's impossible, you bastard,” said the first, while he looked at his partner's letters in astonishment. The lucky gangster was about to say something, until suddenly, Edward grabbed his sleeve, causing multiple hidden cards to fall out.
The gangster was surprised by the presence of Edward standing next to them. "Where the hell did it come from?" Wait… you cheated!?” The gangster replied, now addressing his partner.
“O-Of course not… and also who the hell is this blue-haired?” Said the other man who was still sitting. A dead silence was maintained until multiple windows were heard breaking. When Edward turned around he saw a man at another table, with the bat in his hand. He had dropped his beer on the floor in shock. “Idiots! That blue-haired is one of those multiverse travellers! The Forensic Killer! You let the enemy in!
"What!?" The Full House man lunged at Edward, who simply dodged him. Placing his leg to cause the gangster to fall to the ground, the man's forehead collided with one of the wooden chairs. The other men launched themselves at Edward, who limited himself to Dodge, and responded to them with the furniture of the place. He attacked them with chairs, plates. Even with the same poker cards. “Why don't you die!?” It was probably the phrase that was repeated the most in that fight.
When there were only two men left, they both decided to distance themselves from Edward, and tried to go to the back of the bar. Quickly, Edward took out a pair of sharp metal scissors from his pocket and threw them hard, aiming for the head of one of the men. Which remained nailed to the wall next to the door, while his companion managed to escape. Edward followed at a fast pace, but without running, maintaining unwavering composure. Which only generated more fear in the man who ran.
Edward followed the man to some underground warehouses. The contrast with the bar was clear, while the first looked like a stereotypical 80s movie, this was more like an apocalypse bunker. The man continued running down the long hallway, until he reached a huge room at the end. Due to the distance he had managed to get from the coroner. He had time to activate the Security system. Edward saw three huge metal doors close between him and the man. At this, Edward said nothing. He just approached and tapped the metal plate in front of him, after which he took out of his pocket one of the keys that he had taken from the base. It had a drawing of a dragon. And small burn marks. Edward took the key and inserted it into a small slot in the device on his wrist, suddenly a flash of orange light invaded the tunnel…
On the other side of the door the Gangster is celebrating — “Let's see how you get through that, Four Eyes!” Until he felt 2 presence behind him “What the hell are you doing?” The man turned around to see his boss, a man in a beige suit, with his hair combed back with gel. Next to him was a woman with red hair and green eyes. She dressed in a trench coat, shirt and black pants.
"Boss! Miss Octavia! “He is the coroner, he is here, and he has eliminated everyone in the bar!” The man said as his legs trembled. The boss hardly flinched. While the woman only managed to murmur a phrase, “I was already wondering when we would see each other again, Edward.”
The man guided his boss and the redhead to a screen, which showed the security camera in the hallway. “You don't need to worry anyway, there are three metal doors between him and us. Look… there is no way he can pass- WHAT?”
The three of them were stunned. The metal on the doors was melting. Edward, dressed in a black and orange kimono, shooting a burst of fire. Making a circle to melt the door. The boss rushed towards his minion, holding him by the shoulders. “You told me he was the coroner, not the arsonist!”
“He's the coroner, I don't have the slightest idea how he's throwing fire.” The boss released his minion and approached the redhead. “Listen to me, Octavia. You told me that if he eliminated one of those crazy people, The Guardians would fulfil a wish of mine. But you didn't tell me that they would come to try to destroy me.” The woman broke her silence and said, “Calm down, Tragliatore. Our pact still stands. The guardians will fulfil your greatest wish. You have my word as a Detective” The redhead said as she put her hand on his shoulder.
"Boss! He already went through 2 of the doors! Look” The henchman shouted at his boss, while he pointed at the door that was turning increasingly reddish. The boss removed Octavia's hand from his shoulder. “Quickly, you lazy bunch, everyone pointing at the door.” all the soldiers pointed directly towards the door. “I want anyone who walks through that door with more holes than a damn sieve.”
Multiple men stood at a safe distance from the melting door. Everyone was waiting for what was about to happen. The sound of the flame on the other side of the door invaded the environment, until suddenly... Brain. Causing chills to almost all the people present there. A yellow glow could be seen from under the door that was melting…
The silence was interrupted by the sudden ejection of the door, which was thrown directly towards the soldiers in front. A large amount of smoke came out of the hole that was left. And a couple of yellow dots lit up. Edward ran out of the smoke, wearing a black trench coat, the inside of which shone bright yellow. In his face there was a pair of Goggles, also yellow, which emitted an intense light.
"There is! “Shoot him!” He shouted loudly, as Octavia dragged him towards a door to get him away from the shooting. The henchmen fired volleys of bullets at Edward, who was blocking the shots with Edelgard's trench coat.
Edward tackled one of the men and took cover behind some wooden boxes. He took the gun from the anklet, knocked out the guard next to him and took his gun from him. To start responding to shots. Taking advantage of the lens aiming system. After several minutes, Edward realized that he needed to increase speed... He removed the key that was inserted into the device. Which had the symbol of a Sniper sight, I inserted another one that had the symbol of skates.
After this, he threw his pistol into the air, while a green light enveloped him. The gangsters were perplexed, watching as the gun transformed into a UZI with neon green markings. They were even more perplexed, when Edward jumped out from behind the box... Dressed in a black one-piece suit, with silver lines. In large white letters it was written "Ritcher" and a number 3 in large.
Edward caught the UZI out of the air, and it clicked on his heels. The white soles began to glow, and he levitated a few centimetres from the floor. The next thing the gangsters saw was this blue-haired boy attacking them while he fired with the UZI.
“Quickly, Tragliatore. Over here!” She told Octavia to the mafia leader, As she dragged him through one of the doors, and she kept crouched down so as not to be seen.
Edward continued to dodge bullets while he in turn returned fire. He quickly positioned himself in the centre of the room, and began to spin on its axis at high speed, while he continued shooting with the UZI and one of the gangsters' weapons. Generating a storm of bullets, which filled the room. When he stopped, Edward realized that he had made holes in all the walls, covers and enemies in the place. He began to walk towards the hallway that Tragliatore left down. With all the calm in the world, he removed the key from the device, and placed a different one with the symbol of an Oxygen mask and a Sickle.
“Come in! Come in! Quick!" Octavia shouted at Tragliatore, while holding the door of a small laboratory, which had a small window with a curtain, inside was another of the henchmen, dressed in a white coat. After entering, Octavia's attention was quickly caught by a shelf with some books. Tragliatore watched as his protector began to search the bookshelf. “What's happening, boss? I heard a lot of gunshots and-” Quickly, the scientist's words were interrupted by the screams of their leader. “That doesn't matter now! We are under attack, scan the bunker. I want to see how many of my men are still alive!” The henchman typed something on a nearby computer. While Tragliatore was still confused by what Octavia was doing. He was about to ask her, when his employee's surprised moan distracted him. “Bo-boss, there are only four living beings left in the Building…” Tragliatore raised his hands to his face, passing them all over his face, while he let out a long sigh through his mouth.
“Okay, okay, it's manageable, it's manageable… Octavia, we need a plan, can you think of it… Octavia!?” The gangster was surprised when he saw the red-haired girl, with a book from which a white glow came out. And a white circle surrounded her. “I'm sorry, boy, but our deal is going to have to end here…” When Tragliatore tried to stop her, he realized that he couldn't get through the circle. “This was not what was agreed upon, you said that The Guardians were going to fulfil my wish…” Octavia tore the pages from the book, and held them up. “I told you that they were going to grant your wish…” He released her leaves, which began to orbit around her. “If you survived…” Tragliatore was about to reply, until his minion shouted at him, with a tone of perennial terror in his voice. "MISTER! “She's coming down the hallway, she's coming this way.” Tragliatore's shock was evident in his eyes. And when he turned around to look to Octavia for a solution, he saw that she had disappeared, and the circle on the floor was on fire.
The scientist quickly approached Tragliatore, holding him by the shoulders, his body aligned with the door. On the other side of which footsteps could be heard in the distance. “What do we do now, boss? There are only the two of us left, I don't want to die! My notes are still on the table, if he finds out that I designed that poison, I don't know what he'll do to me!” Tragliatore quickly slapped the soldier away from him. “We're not going to give up, listen this is what we're going to-”
Before Tragliatore could finish the sentence, a metal sickle came flying through the door window. The sickle hit the scientist directly and stuck into the wall. Blood began to drip from the inert body. Tragliatore recoiled in shock, blood had splattered on his face.
The bottom of the Sickle opened and a small stream of water came out, which floated forming a hand. Which I grab the sickle and take it out of the wall. Causing the man to fall to the floor, Tragliatore watched in shock as his hand stopped in front of the door and slammed hard against the handle. Causing the door to open.
Edward entered through the door, dressed in a black jacket with grey sleeves, accompanied by black neoprene pants. The footsteps of his boots broke the silence of the room like thunder in the night. His face was covered by a hood, accompanied by a black oxygen mask. Tragliatore tried to pull the gun from him, but was quickly restrained by Edward. Which he held against the wall.
“What the fuck do you want? If you're going to kill me, do it now! Tragliatore tried to say with the most threatening tone he could. Edward remained silent, taking one of his scissors out of his pocket, beginning to run it across the neck of his mafia leader. "Wait! Wait! You want money? “I can give you money.” At the offer, Edward stuck the scissors into Tragliatore's leg. Causing blood to flow out, along with a gasp of pain “Uh… Okay, Okay, no money. What do you want?"
Edward took out the syringe with a black liquid from his pocket. And he shook it in front of him. "The poison? Do you want to know how the poison is made? Why do you think I would tell you?” Tragliatore said, finishing his sentence by spitting at Edward. Which was Stoic, took another scissors from his pocket, and stuck it in Tragliatore's hand. Leaving it nailed to the wall. The scream of pain was even louder. “Ugh! In the table! In the notebook on the table!” Edward alone tragliatore, letting the scissors support him. While he went towards what he had come for. He took the leather-bound notebook, and opened it to the page that was marked with a red ribbon. On the same page, the process with which the poison had been made was detailed.
After seeing this, Edward began to walk towards the exit door. A white glow enveloped him and his clothes returned to his usual trench coat. Tragliatore couldn't contain his frustration and shouted at Edward, “Really? You entered my base, you killed all my staff, that's why? All this for that Bea-” Before he could finish the sentence, Edward turned on his heel. Throwing a pair of scissors directly at Tragliatore's forehead. The scissors remained stuck in the wall. Leaving a hole in Tragliatore's face. “DON'T INSULT HER AGAIN, NEVER!" After this, Edward adjusts his bangs, and begins to walk out of the underground base. Willing to achieve it.
Out of Continuity: Lair of the Key Society / One week later…
Erin woke up on the morgue gurney, her eyes slowly opening as her senses began to return. She looked around her, recognizing the medical equipment and monitors that were still beeping softly. She sat up on the bed with some effort, and her gaze fell on Edward, who was sitting next to her.
Edward was completely disheveled, with deep circles under his eyes that marked his tired face. He tapped his foot on the floor at high speed, clearly nervous. Next to him, the table was littered with empty coffee cups and a stopwatch
"Edward?" Erin asked in a weak voice. Edward looked up quickly, his eyes filled with a mix of surprise and relief. Realizing that he hadn't imagined the sound of Erin's voice, he jumped up and hugged her with all of her strength.
"Are you OK!" he exclaimed, her words filled with her emotion. Edward moved away from her a little, holding Erin's face with her hands under her cheeks.
"Yeah...I'm fine," Erin responded, still a little disoriented. She noticed the black marks under Edward's eyes and frowned in concern. "My God...Edward, are your eyes okay?"
Edward couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "You wake up from a coma, and the first thing you ask me is if I'm okay?" After that, Edward hugged her again, resting her jaw on top of her head. Erin just enjoyed the hug, feeling the warmth and security that she gave her.
Suddenly, she felt drops falling on her head. Erin looked up and saw the tears falling from Edward's eyes. "Edward? What's wrong?" she asked in a soft voice.
Edward grabbed her chin again and brought her face closer to his, causing Erin to blush. "What's going on?" Edward moved forward, planting a kiss on Erin's lips. The shock to Erin's mind was brutal, but she soon began to enjoy it. After several minutes, Edward broke the kiss and looked at Erin with a look he'd never had before. "That's what happens," Edward said softly, hugging her again.

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18 (at the time) Male moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and 2 girls, let's call them Ellie and Hannah.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
Please if you have any advice share it. I just want to feel happy again. Even for a second.
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

Panic attacks are like being on a rollercoaster ride at the point when the rollercoaster is dropping from its highest point and rushing into its fastest speed. The fall is (seemingly) endless. Unlike at amusement parks where there’s laughter and screams of excitement, panic attacks are filled with dread, terror and (sometimes) screams of desperation. Panic mania is not fun. I hope that one day I can get off the ride of terror once and for all.
Close to an hour ago, I experienced another one of these horrid attacks. Sometimes, I think I experience them for hours and days at a time. Like little earth tremors that are constant over a period of time before the massive earthquake begins, the panic attacks that I so frequently suffer from torment me until they force me to the brink of utter insanity! I feel like I’m dying. I feel like my mind is collapsing in on my soul and suffocating the breath out of my body. I feel like alarms are going off inside of me and I need to run away but I’m physically trapped. (I’m physically trapped inside my chaotic mental state.) I feel like screaming but the scream is on mute. My shrieks are confined to a controlled room in my mind, made up of walls padded with a thick and dense silence.
The havoc that these panic attacks wreak on me is completely overwhelming! I sob, weep and whimper as they sap my energy, absorbing any power I have to resist them.
I’ve been suffering from and wrestling with severe panic attacks for about eight (8) years now. A part of me would say that it hasn’t gotten any easier over the years but another part of me must confess that, that’s not entirely true. The breathing exercises don’t work. The positive affirmations spoken out loud don’t work. Listening to calming music doesn’t work. Walking doesn’t work. Intentionally utilizing the five (5) senses barely work. Nothing seemed to work.
Tonight, as I burst into tears provoked by the onset of another panic attack, I searched within myself for a way of escape. Telling myself — again — that everything is okay didn’t help. Telling myself that I’m safe and that I’m not going to die didn’t help either. But, to my relief, something new came to mind — give a personal report on what’s going on in my life right now. So, I spoke aloud many of the current truths about my (present) life. (I’m sober now. I’m not homeless anymore. I have an entire house that is mine. My vehicle is paid off and I have the title to it. I’m in college. I have a 4.0 GPA. I’m working on building my business. I have a reliable source of income to pay all of my bills and finance my business.) Suddenly, I began to experience a sense of…PEACE!
Before I really knew it, I had a joy so deep inside of me that I began to sing. And, the more I sung, I started to clap my hands and smile with happiness. What I now realize is that none of the other methods worked because they were the wrong suggestions for the type of panic attacks I’m currently battling against. I was afraid and anxious and worried and desperate because I’m still in fight and survival mode from a past life that doesn’t even exist anymore! In my mind, I’m still living in defense mode as though I’m still battling drugs and alcohol. Or as though I’m still sleeping on the streets of San Bernardino and L.A. county, California. I’m still living in defense mode as though I’m still in an abusive, toxic marriage. Or as though all the things that happened to me as a child are still happening to me now. Telling myself that I’m okay, that everything is okay, that I’m safe and that I’m going to make it wasn’t enough to help me come out of the panic attack. Because I needed to know WHY these things were true. I am okay, everything is okay, I am safe and I’m going to make it BECAUSE I’m sober, I’m not homeless anymore, I have an entire house that’s mine, my vehicle is paid off and the title is in my name, I’m in college, I have a 4.0 GPA, I’m working on building my business and I have a reliable source of income to pay all of my bills and finance my business. I have a new life; a second chance at life. All along, what I needed was this validation of self. I needed to hear that I’m not wasting my life away and that I am a productive member of society. I needed to hear, in a descriptive way, that I am doing good now and that I do have value. Although knowing all of this isn’t a promise to me that I won’t ever have to experience another panic mania episode, it’s a starting point to a better quality of mental health and self-acceptance.
Can anyone relate?

Started with kettlebels a month and a half back (first swing form check here). I got bored with S&S so i now do something like warmup + 30 min EMOM: 10 swings, 10 ABC, 10 something else. I do this 1 or 2x a week to go along the 3 to 4 running training I do. Meaning, main sport is running recreational\ regional races and trails I do without any competitive objective.
None the less, kettlebells are now my favourite stregth(ish) training to go along the many km/week I was already doing. Week core and lack of explosiveness brought me here and I intend to keep at it. I am training for my first marathon which I will be running early November.
Anyway, please help me improve form on these exercises: swings on the left video, cleans on the ABC and lastly snatches on the right video.
Self assessment:
swing: need to bring hip more to the back so I can thrust better
clean: not sure, but kind of feels right
snatch: No idea what I am doing with the snatches but I know bells are hitting forearm more than they should
swing clean snatch
Thank you all for any feedback given!

25f. Gabapentin, Oxy, Celexa.
How do I know I’m not being annoying by going back to the ER? I know it’s for life threatening things only and my primary can’t get me in until June.. I’ve been once to the ER when the vision thing first happened (they did a CT without contrast, said I wasn’t having a stroke and sent me home).
About 10 days ago I had a scare with my peripheral vision. It went completely dark for about 15 minutes then came back blurry. It was followed by a weak headache. Since then the headache has only grown stronger. It’s constant all day long, worse when I’m standing up and moving, little better when laying down. My other symptoms include; nausea, vomiting, dizziness and extreme fatigue. I’ll go to sleep at 8:30-9 and can’t get out of bed until 9/10 the next day and I really have to drag myself. Then I’ll nap when my kiddos nap which is usually 12-2:30. Then I struggle getting up then. Yesterday I started getting gaps in my memory, like I couldn’t remember that we watched a movie the night before with the kids. Then weird confusion. For example (my daughter came into my room after nap and I was so confused how she was wearing regular clothes instead of the pajamas, it took me a good 10 minutes to realize we had already went through morning and it was now afternoon.
Could this all be a really bad migraine?

So my youngest sister graduated from college this weekend and let me preface this post by saying that I am extremely proud of her and that I love her very much.
That being said it wasn't the greatest of times and I expected it to be that way to some extent and my mom did to. So much so on my mom's end that she told me before and during the trip that it isn't about me when I wasn't making it about me in any way, shape, or form.
When we went to dinner Saturday night the place we went to didn't really have any options on the menu for me. Which was fine as it was my youngest sister's choice and her celebration so it was whatever and she let me have some snacks afterwards back at her place. But it just felt so awkward being the only one who didn't like the appetizers and who was just sitting there awkwardly and also the only one who didn't order something to drink (it was a winery). I tried my best to participate in conversation but group conversations aren't something I'm very good at and no one really tried to include me much.
The night got better in that I got a tour of my sister's sorority house and then we watched gymnastics at her apartment and she helped paint my toes with her gel nail polish kit. So I didn't feel completely ignored.
Then on Sunday we all went down to the venue for the graduation and my middle sister and I went to grab coffee for the four of us. Then we sat and waited until it was my sister's turn to get her diploma. After that we all got our pictures taken quickly (it started raining a bit later) and then headed over to my sister's apartment to hang out until it was time for lunch and we met her boyfriend for the first time.
He was nice and all. I kind of liked him and he wasn't bad looking either. I just have heard some things about him from both my sister and my mom that make me wary of him (in terms of thinking he might not be the best choice for my sister long term but it's her choice of course).
Then we went to lunch at this cute little eatery place for what was more of a brunch. Everyone quickly fell into conversation with Emma's boyfriend. Mind you my mother did most of the talking and loud laughter.
I've already come to the conclusion that she is emotionally immature at best but that there is probably something bigger at play with my mom's behavior in terms of a mental health condition. She refuses to pursue therapy though so I have no clue what it is.
Anyways she did a lot of talking about herself and trying to make herself seem amazing and everything when in reality she was just making a fool of herself. She at one point said a man gave her a dirty look and I don't doubt it because she was literally acting like a drunk at that point with no regard for others in talking exaggeratedly (leaning forward excessively, almost knocking drinks and food over, and constantly trying to touch the person closest to her which this time around was me) and laughing very loudly and excessively. She also made a lot of jokes about us that were in bad taste and unnecessary. Even making blatantly innapropriate jokes.
Then after dinner we went to my sister's apartment for one last bathroom break and to say goodbye (despite my sisters coming back with us tonight but we are coming back in separate cars) and as we were leaving because everyone was praising my sister for her being in college and shit I just made a little joke that I'm the least expensive daughter. It was just a silly joke and probably a bad one but my dad played along whereas my mother went on to say that I'm the most emotionally taxing daughter. I just responded that I didn't ask to be born and especially not with multiple disabilities. They chose to have me so...
We also were talking before we left as I said I needed to take my Gabapentin for the two hour road trip back home. My mom immediately wanted for me to justify why I am taking the medication and was not pleased with my answer. I told her honestly that it's due to nerve pain in my left gluteus maximus. She then went on to say that I didn't take it during the trip to which I said yes and I was dealing with the pain as a result of not taking the medication.
We also saw some college students in a convertible with the roof down, when we were leaving, my dad said that it wasn't very smart. My mother responded that they were college students in that phase of life. To which I made a joke about how I was never like that cause I didn't go to college. It didn't go well at all. I got scolded and then I said to my mother that she shouldn't make jokes if she can't take a joke.
Now we haven't been talking and I'm dreading going back home. I feel as this summer is going to be all about my little sister as she is moving back home for the summer. I'm regularly treated as just a housemate/roommate at home (I pay rent to my parents and run errands for them regularly and they aren't super old or anything) and emotionally neglected. But it will be harder to take with my sister back in the picture as they will coddle her but ignore me like always.
Trust me if I could move out I would but as I've said before I'm disabled and make a very limited amount of money and then I get SSDI but half of that goes towards rent for living with my parents. I also don't qualify for any other government benefits state or federal since my parents started a mutual fund in my name when I was young and it's grown to a point where it disqualifies me from basically everything that would be of help. Mind you I have zero access to this mutual fund and it has never been used to my knowledge. my parents and their financial advisor control it.

I've got a problem that is complete mystery to me and i don't even know where to look to find out what it is. My mouse can click only on one window (detailed explanation below in example section), all other things become non-intractable. To clear what i mean i will write example of some situation.
Example of using HP300 wireless mouse:
Let's say I have Firefox and File explorer open. If pointer points at firefox at the moment i turn on mouse, then i can use firefox normally but anything else like File explorer, any toolbar, some context menus, start toolbar can't be clicked. In fact i can click though them to interact with firefox.
In order to interact with File explorer i need to point pointer at File explorer, turn off and turn on mouse so everything else become inactive but i can use file explorer.
Important things to mention:

• I have restarted PC;
  
• Problem isn't mouse because touchpad on my laptop experiences the same;
  

-Problem isn't in the OS because i have dual boot Ubuntu/Windows 10 and both experience same issue.

• I tried 3 different mouses and all of them have same problem (though all of them were wireless);

-I tried using different USB port for Bluetooth receiver and it doesn't seem to have any effect.

• I can navigate with keyboard across any program just fine.

Some observations:
-Touchpad works much better. While using touchpad problem only appears sometimes instead of always.
-Using mouse connected via Bluetooth directly works almost as good as touchpad compared to connected via bluetooth receiver that comes with mouse.
Might be useful to know:
I have old Dell 3543 laptop with Nvidia g820m graphic card. Problem appeared next day after i had issues with driver on linux and some forum recommended to downgrade kernel to kernel 5.15 (it did help). So this day i installed 5.15 and removed 6.5 and its headers. rebooted PC, installed nvidia driver and everything was fine. Next day (technically next reboot) this problem appeared. I did remove driver just in case and i did install kernel 6.5 back (it didn't help so i deleted again).

How is there a sub called cope and yet no one is coping here. Less than 300 subscriber? Almost everything in life is cope yet this sub central to all of human existence goes unseen. How is that possible.
We see the leaves and branches of the coping tree and we don't realize that it's cope. The cope is at the roots, in the seed, but people eat the fruits of their cope and think " this is good, it's sweet and not bitter, this is not cope". Yet all that is sweet we seek as do we just as often seek what is bitter. For what is sweet and bitter - one necessitates the existence of the other, is Infact cope. Unable to cope we choose one, and alternate. Building upon them, striving for some sort of change until it all comes crashing down and we realize it was all cope all along. In this devastating anemia of spirit we all come to realize the same underlying truth.
Yet only 300 subscribers. 300 of the enlightened, enlightenment of course being the ultimate cope. Coping, the last cope, like a stirring stick used to stir a pot and at last thrown in to it, the cope complete. The self realized through the last cope. Here. Now.

Hey everyone! So, I don't know you guys, but since I was diagnosed with BD-type 2, I became more self-aware about my emotions, and how it was like a rollercoaster. Since then, I've realized I had a sorta pattern with my emotions. I usually take my pills at noon and the other one almost at 10 pm. So, in the morning, I've become a little bit too emotional (it doesn't matter if I'm in my maniac or depressive episodes) and I'm kinda apathetic or even disrespectful towards my peers, family members or even with myself. Or even I'm more hypersexual in my maniac episodes and more aggressive or rude in my depressive episodes. So, once I take my pills, I feel a huge relief. My Family are still struggling accepting my condition and they think that my BD it's just another phase of depression (cuz, a year ago, doctors diagnosed me with that, and after months, my parents discovered I was diagnosed with that disorder. I didn't tell them about it, because I knew they wouldn't accept it. Tho, they accepted it once they knew about it, but struggled to understand me why I tried to commit suicide 3 times and just giving a huge speech about religion and how's life perfect and beautiful). So, whenever I'm in a bad mood or I'm kinda hyperactive, they just laughed at me and in sorta form like insulting me, they always say: "I know it's not noon yet, but please, go take your happy or whatever pills, you're driving us crazy with your bad attitude". I'm really trying my best to have the best attitude towards all things, but it's kinda impossible for me. Now, until I take that pills, as I said before, I feel a huge relief but still, these kinda of things makes me feel puzzled about this disorder. I don't know if it happens to you or any relative, guys? Anyways, I'm sorry for the long text but I appreciate so much your time reading my struggles and I wish you an amazing day!

My little one has been sleeping throughout the night for a few months now (no intentional sleep training needed!), but putting her down for naps and for her bedtime is awful.
Some background: We've always needed to feed her to sleep, even for naps. We were told (and I've read) that feeding to sleep isn't great because babies can't learn to self soothe that way. But since we can see our LO flipping and turning during the night on the monitor and eventually rubbing her face and falling back asleep, we think she's fully capable of self soothing at night.
She's also always had really bad reflux. It's vastly improved, but she still vomits (and we're not talking dribbly spitup) once or twice a day (and typically when my wife is too aggressive with her burps lol). Sometimes she's pukes/gags when i just bring the bottle close to her lips. Sometimes she's looking around all curious and mindlessly sucking on her bottle and a stream of puke will come flowing out. The doctor feels bad for us, but she's still gaining weight so the doctor tells us not to stress too much about her puking.
So that brings us to the question/problem
Feeding always is preceded by some tears and crying. Always. Even during the first feed of the morning right when she wakes up, she pulls back and whines for a few seconds before eventually sucking happily on the bottle. But for every subsequent feed, and especially the one before bed, she crying and screaming when she knows she's about to eat, and we almost need to force the bottle into her mouth sometimes before she calms and sucks away voraciously. And then 75% of the way through the bottle, she'll be upset that she's not sleep yet and will cry and need to be rocked and shushed and bottle fed to sleep. Sometimes she completely loses her mind when she sees the bottle and we need to shush and calm for 5-10 minutes before she'll even be in a calm enough state to take a bottle. And occasionally she's crying while feeding. And occasionally she pukes when feeding, and that's when she really loses her shit. It's a huge process and typically takes 45 min to get her to sleep for every nap and for her bedtime.
Her day time naps are always short, and she'll wake after 30 min during the day, even with contact naps! Once she falls sleep at bedtime though, we typically won't hear her for the rest of the night.
Anyone else struggling to feed/put baby down for sleep/naps like this? Any advice for things we can try? I wonder if she's associated feeding with puking and overtired/not sleeping.

So I am 15 (f), Jennie I have epilepsy. I take seizures once or twice every week or so. My classmate 15(f) often uses this to go home early. Let's call her Emma (Fake name). So I take seizures in school as i am on there most often. Emma likes to use this to go home. She was ranting to other people in my form class last week about how scary it is to witness a seziure and that she gets so much anxiety so she has to go home. The thing is i would understand that she was scared but everyone is so focused on her i get little help.
For example i had hurt my head while having a seizure. I had minor bleeding but i was still bleeding and Emma was crying and nobody was there to help me.
I got frustrated when she came up to me the next day and said "It was so scary seeing you have a seizure. This happens so often. You need to take better care of yourself and realise your harming others too." I lost it and said "alteast i dont go home after seeing/,hearing about my seizures."
For context - Emma has only seen one of my seizures as she is nearly in late/or just skips class. She has heard about them more and still goes home.
So reddit AITA??

I saw a video on Youtube posted by an ex jw on the Governing Body's view on masturbation. I can understand how it can be frowned upon and viewed as unclean but calling it 'self abuse' is straight up insane. I can understand not wanting any part of it but this is just one heavy ass exaggeration. I can see why the Csa cases keep piling up cuz they keep these ngas sexually repressed😒. Maybe if they didn't spend so much time caring about what people do with their shlongs and hoo hah's there wouldn't be so many cases. And the example of the brother who rejected the advances of a woman in the watchtower today sounds like some over the top shit. He probably approached her and got rejected then told everyone he rejected advances from a woman or sumn and an elder decides to use it as an example in one of his talks😂😂.

Hey INFP, I live with flatmates who (in their own view) are very emotional people. Both of them have a history with therapy. They seem to have experienced a sort of awakening to a certain way of thinking about feelings, and about 'sharing' their feelings. Their emotional vocabulary is very broad and precise, and they seem to have completely embraced talking and discussing feelings, often just straight up asking me or other flatmates if they can 'share' something that's been on their mind.
I sometimes have the impression they find me (and others) less sensitive, and less aware of themselves. This has been an interesting experience for me, not only because it has made me think about myself, but also because I was used to being 'the sensitive person' in the dorm where I lived as a student. I always thought of myself as someone who enjoys their feelings and I'm not someone who flees from them. When I feel sad, I know it's temporary, and I sort of try to make the best of it, and just feel it. I might look at streetlights with a vague sense of melancholy or listen to some gloomy music. But, I also don't tend to 'share' feelings too much or talk about them in length. For me, conversation is not always the best outlet for feelings, and I've always found ways of expression in writing and music.
Nonetheless, my current flatmates sometimes compel me to think about how I can express my own in their way. But there's something that holds me back. When I think about it, these guys really analyse their feelings to a great extent. They theorize, rationalize, catch their feelings in clear concepts (often concepts they've learned about in some way or another from an external source) and in clear words. But I was just thinking tonight, that for me it just doesn't really work that way... I feel things, and I can be 'in' my feelings. In their analyses of feeling, I kind of sense a fear of just letting feelings be.
They seem to pick them apart and hold them up for themselves, and say: this is how I feel! For me, a feeling is something that's hard to grasp, but I can use words to try and understand it or a part of it. But in formulating like this, I also create the feeling. And this makes me wonder if these guys really experience their feelings as they say, or if they kind of create a sensation for themselves. Sometimes, their way of sensing the world appears to me like a self fulfilling prophecy.
Does anyone recognize this - this contrast between two ways of feeling? Do I misjudge my flatmates, are they just more self-aware than me? :-)

Hello, my name is Violent Destruction, and I'm looking for a world prog, hardcore or week 1 group for 7.0 Savage and beyond. I am an omni tank player who is flexible and comfortable on all four tanks and who has a strong understanding of all roles within the game. I'm also open to playing regen healer or samurai/viper. I was in a long-standing raid group of 5 years forming at the end of Stormblood through TOP, with our best placements according to fflogs progress being Asphodelos World 9th and Abyssos World 13th.
Group Expectations:
World prog, hardcore or week 1 experience.
Split Clears
What you can expect of me:
Consistency with movement, positioning, rotation, optimization, party list monitoring, and execution.
Ability to raid long hours: I have multiple experiences running 16+ hours per day
Motivated to improve, receptive to criticism, and self-critical.
I can do backup callouts if needed.
(Optional) Speeds: I do have an interest in Speeds, but it is not required. Some notable group speed All Star rankings Alphascape World 10th, Edens Gate World 11th, and Edens Promise World 10th. Rank 3 speed UCOB Stormblood, rank 1 speed UWU Stormblood, and rank 1 speed TEA Shadowbringers. I haven't done speeds during Endwalker as my previous long-standing raid group was no longer interested in doing them. The majority of my logs for this expansion are weekly clears.
FFLOGS Main: https://www.fflogs.com/charactena/sargatanas/violent%20destruction
Raid Progress: https://tomestone.gg/characte15630676/violent-destruction/progress
Contact: Send a friend request or message request on discord at violentdestruction

I am an MD who, during my PhD studies, decided to pivot and pursue a bachelor's degree in computer science and mathematics after being introduced to linear algebra. Long story short, while completing my clinical clerkship, I am now in the last semester of my bachelor's degree. I have excelled in my studies and developed a deep love for math (especially algebra/group theory) and complexity theory. I am now at a point where I need to make a decision about my career. Here are my main concerns:

1. Self-Doubt: I am not a genius. There is much debate about this topic, but nothing can fully alleviate my anxiety about pursuing a degree in math or computer science while acknowledging that I am not exceptionally gifted.
2. Dislike for Medicine: I hate medicine. I started studying medicine due to difficult family circumstances (long story). If World War III were to start, I might consider becoming a doctor, but currently, the thought of returning to a hospital is horrifying for me. (To any doctors reading this, your job is most probably much more important than mine, and I wish I could enjoy the subject. Unfortunately, it makes my brain melt).
3. Passion for Math: I really enjoy math, and my bachelor's degree wasn't enough for me. I want to continue in academia but am unsure about the specific field. I am very interested in theoretical subjects and feel I have more talent in them, but I also know they require exceptional ability. Additionally, I feel it might be a waste not to apply my knowledge to impact medicine, perhaps by starting a company or working on relevant projects. However, I believe that many significant areas (like imaging and NLP) are already being explored by talented groups, and these areas might not intrigue me.

In summary, I would love to hear your thoughts and advice based on your experience and knowledge. I plan to discuss this with some professors as well, but I really wanted to hear you guys to. Please let me know the basis for your suggestions, as I am in a very uncertain position, and every piece of advice could significantly influence my decision.

The "glorious son" Ninurta – the offspring of Enlil (the father of the gods); was said in Sumerian mythology to have defeated the so-called "Asag" demon ("Asakku" in Akkadian) who was himself a manifestation of Enmesharra (the sinister god of the underworld; a Sumerian equivalent of "Satan") and to have uttered these words upon its defeat:
"From today forward, do not say Asag: its name shall be Stone. Its name shall be zalag stone, its name shall be Stone. This, its entrails (meaning its 'foundations'), shall be the underworld (the lower parts). Its valour shall belong to the lord (Ninurta)." – lines 310-330.
The text then continues: "The lord applied his great wisdom to it. (Ninurta), the son of Enlil, set about it in a grand way. He made a pile of stones in the mountains. Like a floating cloud he stretched out his arms over it. With a great wall he barred the front of the Land. He installed a sluice on the horizon. The hero acted cleverly, he dammed in the cities together. He blocked the powerful waters by means of stones. Now the waters will never again go down from the mountains into the earth. That which was dispersed he gathered together. Where in the mountains scattered lakes had formed, he joined them all together and led them down to the Tigris. He poured carp-floods of water over the fields." – lines 347-359.
On top of it he erected his Hursag (a Sumerian term meaning "mound, mountain" and it was intended as a "holy place – place of worship" of the gods).
Ninurta then compared all of the soldiers from the entourage of the Asag-demon who had followed the Asag-demon into battle – to precious stones (which is why he addressed the stones one by one in the text and the soldiers are literally called "stones" and given a purpose that’s comparable to those of precious stones utilized in handiwork – to which Ninurta will give a purpose because he’s the god of craftsmanship among other things). He called them each with the name of a stone because he considered them each a valuable piece on top of whom to construct his puzzle by amassing them all together – piling them up basically like bricks, one after the other; giving each of them a new purpose and redeeming them in the eyes of Ninurta (because the soldiers or "stones" had accompanied the "evil" Asag-demon but now Ninurta took them in as part of his own entourage instead – and he thus redeemed them in his eyes giving them a new purpose).
They all became precious allies of the god Ninurta – and all of them had their roles assigned like stones in a construction or like the materials in the building of artifacts; essentially each of them playing a role in his creation, the new creation that the god Ninurta had established in the mountains according to the text (when he reclaimed the basin of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers and rearranged "the mountains" i.e. "the underworld" in order to block the destructive waters that come from the underworld which is called "the mountains" – "Kur" in Sumerian).
And the lord Jesus looked at Peter and said: "And I tell you that you are a Stone, and on top of this Stone I will build my church (my holy place, my place of worship)" – Matthew 16:18.
"And the hero Ninurta acted cleverly, he dammed in the cities together. He blocked the powerful waters by means of stones. Now the waters will never again go down from the mountains into the earth. That which was dispersed he gathered together." The Hursag which Ninurta had built would not be overcome by the waters of Kur (the underworld) now that he’s fixed everything together.
"And all the powers of hell will not conquer it" (Matthew 16:18) – the Church which Jesus had built on top of the Stone; the one which he had built will not be overcome by the gates of Hades (the "gates of Hades" or "powers of Hell" being intended as the "destructive waters of the underworld" by Sumerian mythology).
Furthermore in the Greek equivalent of this myth we have that: the Oracle which the lord Apollo erected on top of the demon Python will not be overcome by the powers of the underworld. Python lies safely beneath it, playing his assigned role in giving oracles, but completely dormant and thus the powers of the "underworld" have been stopped from causing harm.
"He's using us all – irrespective of how we got here – in what he is building. He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation. Now he's using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day – a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home." – Ephesians 2:20-22.
"You yourselves are like living stones." – 1 Peter 2:5.
And the god Ninurta was claimed to have called each of them with the name of a stone. He reordered the stones in his creation; because each and every one of them was equal in the eyes of Ninurta, and he respected them all – forgiving the enemy (the stones who had served in the entourage of the Asag-demon) and making them all one of his own – building on top of them by giving them each a role. (He addressed them each and used each and every one of them like a stone telling them what to do: "U stone (emery) […] since cornelian is polished by you, you shall be called by its name. And now, according to the destiny fixed by Ninurta, henceforth when U stone touches it, there will be pierced cornelian." – "Cu stones […] Since you cannot escape from his great strength, the goldsmith shall puff and blow on you with his breath. You shall be shaped by him to form a matrix for his creations. People shall place the first fruits of the gods on you at the time of the new moon." – "Sajkal stone […] they shall say to you "Be off with you, hurry!", it shall be your name. And now, by the destiny fixed by Ninurta, henceforth you shall be called a bad lot in the Land. So be it. – "Esi (diorite) […] when a king who is establishing his renown for perpetuity has had its statues sculpted for all time, you shall be placed in the place of libations and it shall suit you well in my temple E-ninnu, the house full of grace." – lines 419-478). The enumeration of the stones continues and Ninurta gives them each a role.
The "place of worship" erected by this pagan god was not so much a "church" – but rather a point from which everyone would get access to water, food and healthcare (being a god of medicine and healing) whenever they needed it.
The same way Ninurta enumerates all the precious stones that are used in craftsmanship and he lists every single role that they have (being the god of handiwork himself) – he will then rearrange the soldiers of the army of the Asag-demon giving them each a new purpose and a new role; so this is what the metaphor of the text is trying to convey. He used the people like the stones he utilized in building artifacts and in constructing his Hursag.

Hey pixel community, what's up.
Are you tired of breaking the rules utilizing the unlimited backup feature from pixel 1-5? Try this instead.
So I was playing around this week and after a few posts, comments, threads, and just about every article online/Reddit - I started my own experiments and found some cool things.
The pixel 1 unlimited storage extends to pictures, videos, screenshots (and anything downloaded directly through your PX1 smartphone), these same rules apply to the PX2/3/4/5 although compressed to 12MP.
So I found out if you'd upload/post/message a folder (.zip for example) you could then download the albums from chrome, discord, etc, and anywhere else you accept the files on your actual PX1-5 device.
Meaning there's several tens of ways to get the unlimited backup quality from other devices without needing to break rules and use synchthings/Magisk spoof BS..
You say "okay, so remind me why wouldn't we break rules?" Because with this information you can actually achieve most things you're aiming to do... Sure you will have to carry your PX1-5 or wait until you get back home (unless you have someone at Homebase who can download from PX1-5 for you while traveling)
and you'll say, but what about my DSLR camera? 99% is good but it's not 100% there... Haha, nah, I got you covered brohams. Absolutely shocked too.
Was playing on my Sony a5100 camera from 2014 (that was gifted to me last year) and while testing out the remote shooting, NFC, QR, Wifi photo transfer functions on the Imagine edge play memories app, I found something really really neat.
You can actually show the device with accurate lens/mp quality info, etc, including date, time + location (which I didn't enable while testing and taking screenshots earlier, but it does work, and does not count towards you storage) .... this is huge! I guess where you're not uploading it directly to the cloud (which my camera does support, but rather you are Pseudo-uploading via download function through your smartphone it counts as a typical download link that you'd otherwise click)
This means I can now use my old Sony camera with HDMI/portable monitor (and I'm assuming any other brand with these transfer features mentioned above) weather it's for landscape videography , livestreaming, or whatever... and not only can I have unlimited run time/pics (at full quality which in my case is 24MP since it's old camera) but this now means my actual camera rig backup is extremely convenient......
You could fill up a massive SD card with RAW/4K/8K files and then just seemlessly transfer them. shocking. Right? I mean 4k-8k uploads always troublesome, but no longer. Incredible.
You can even hook up a drive if it's bigger than 32/64/128gb model. it worked just fine and then it'll just backup as normal when the transfer is complete. amazing. Seriously.
Absolutely huge because now you don't need to buy cloud storage, and super cool because device info, date, time location stuff is all saved. Which is the real point of a direct upload to cloud, no missing info, no missing quality. Just pure convenience....
Although my a5100 is wonderful (even in today's day and age) I'll be updating to the newest 2025 Sony model next year (which is like... more than double maybe close to triple the resolution and specs, meaning I'll then be saving even more storage) ... Absolutely fantastic stuff.
If you're following along this means my yearly cloud membership (which would usually be otherwise necessary) those annual savings alone will now allow me to write off a brand new Pixel phone and brand new camera after enough time has passed (seriously. amazing.)
Please if anyone has a Wi-Fi camera from the past 10 years or so that has a compatible smartphone app with any other brand (that's not Somy) ... Please please please test out if this works the same with other with other brands and applications then post your result below (and/or other upload methods that don't require PX1-5 device modification) so we can REALLY help other people in the community.
Keep in mind I'm specifically talking the cameras unique wiifi ssid/QR code/NFC functions - I AM NOT talking about Bluetooth, direct wifi transfer, direct cloud, or USB cable.
Hope everyone is having a wonderful day and that this can bring you joy like it does for me - actually life changing in my situation and guess what, I'm not actively breaking any rules and trying to weasel my way around the system with synchthings and magisk BS. To the detractors who said I was silly and that I should give up or just break rules.... you can eat my dust haters!!! Proof

Ever since I remember myself, I have always been living with anxiety. I had my first panic attack when I was 8 years old. The panic attacks come and go, depending on my life's situation or other triggering events, and even though I experienced a long period of panic attacks in my early 20s, I have now gained a better understanding of what they are and how to manage them (I am 30 yo now). They do happen from time to time but things are better than they used to.
However, I still can't get rid of the constant state of anxiety in my life. It tends to manifest in physical discomfort (the most common being dizziness, but also muscle pain, stomachaches, and trembling), and, in some cases, I get a rapid feeling of dissociation where I think that I can't control my body, or that I won't be able to move (even though I obviously can). This feeling appears most often in public transport (especially the underground). I live in a metropolis and even though my work doesn't oblige me to move daily, I still have to use public transport for my social or other activities. The past few months have been a living hell. I never use the underground by myself, I choose walking if the distance's somewhat short, and I only use buses that I am familiar with (for example, a bus route from my house to my partner's apartment). I have limited my public transport use only to when it's necessary for my job, and I avoid social activities that require taking the bus, or even worse, the underground. If I am feeling extremely anxious but need to go out, I will take a taxi, but that's quite expensive, plus I feel guilty afterwards or even a failure for not trying to take the bus. The only times when I can use public transport and not get extremely anxious is when someone is with me (my partner, or a friend).
As someone who grew up in a small city, I understand that the metropolis chaos, public transport, and so many people around, is something I am unfamiliar and uncomfortable with. However, this is not just it. I moved here almost five years ago, and I understand that my agoraphobia and fear of using public transport happen when I am facing extreme anxiety in my life in general. Yet, I am stuck in this circle for a few months now and I don't know what to do. The thought of being squashed in a bus or the underground with so many people makes me extremely stressed. I also fear that something will happen to me (I usually feel that I am gonna faint) or that I won't be able to move. I have experienced situations where I felt I couldn't move my feet, yet I was almost running to get out from the underground. It was one of the scariest feelings I ever had.
I feel like shit every day because of this. I can't seem to find a way out and the more time passes the more I feel that things are not gonna change. It's come to a point where it impacts my feelings of self-worth. Has any of you had a similar experience/fear? And if so, what helped you cope with it? Any advice is more than welcome. Thank you and I am sorry for the long post.