Birthday wish for one that passed away

Telling my story here to get it off my chest. And maybe there are other couples out there facing the same issue who can relate.
I'm Chinese Non-Muslim and my Partner is Malay Muslim. We met in uni and we've known each other as friends for 2 years. After some trust building and heartfelt confessions, we decided to start dating casually, to see if we'd actually last together, knowing the challenges we'll face as a multiracial couple in Malaysia. I was upfront and clear about never wanting to convert my religion, so a long term relationship may not possible. He is open minded and he accepted my boundaries. We didn't change who we are for each other. We accepted each other.
1 week became 1 month, then became 6 months, then 1 year, and now it's been over 2 years. Ever since we started dating, he became less pessimistic about life, and I became more self confident. We both became better people, but we are still who we are. I've never been so sure of a man and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And he has told me the same, which still makes me blush like crazy.
Throughout our relationship, I have thought about marriage several times. The first few times I thought about it, I ended up crying. Because I know we could never be legally married in Malaysia without me converting my religion. And no marriage means we would also never be able to have children in Malaysia. I have expressed to him my sadness and he reaffirmed what he said to me during the early days of our relationship, that he doesn't want to force me to change myself and he loves me because I'm me.
We talked about eloping overseas and building a life there, but that means we'll have to leave behind our life, our friends, and our families in Malaysia. We'll also need a lot of money to do this. Another option we have is to just continue dating forever, but in our hearts and souls, we'll be committed and intertwined with each other forever. Going down this road, I'll never have the big day of my dreams, and we'll never have children, but at least we'll save a lot of money and we can spoil each other haha. We can still have a big "Company" dinner just for the hell of it. And we'll have pets together.
We both know that's going to be a decision to make very far into the future. We've decided we'll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, we are going to relax and just enjoy ourselves as best we can. It's not always easy because I get worried about the authorities tearing us apart. We have to lay low and be careful who we trust. Fortunately, we are currently surrounded by close friends and loved ones, and are surviving just fine. I hope that the future of Malaysia is more progressive, but that's probably just wishful thinking.
PS: I'm not looking for solutions, just want a listening ear to share this with.

We’ve been in a long distance relationship for 1 1/2 years and I’m visiting her right now. I only got involved with her because I saw her to be very spiritually conscious, kind, independent, and someone who I thought I could heal as well as could heal me. Things have shifted. After spending time with her (this is now my 2nd trip) she has explicitly revealed to me that she strives to be an “ass faced” serious and negative person as her default. I’ve also made another AIO post in the past about how she does tik tok lives for money (lives in a less fortunate country) and how she has placed money as the most important factor in why she does it - in addition to her originally claiming she was off social media for good when we met and her having guys in her DMs that she claims to be either gay guys or strictly friends when I express my stress and concern, because I had caught her in the past using an app called meete with convos with guys for “money”. (She also threatened the relationship over me accidentally liking 2 photos of girls I knew who I had no sexual history with.) However what I need counsel on is if I should put up with her reactions to small things despite her saying I’m her “one and only” and other love bombing things. Most recent example is us playing chess together on my phone (she said she wants to learn despite her not being experienced) and got mad when I do things like take out her queen. She called me a piece of shit and gets mad, not holding grudges, but more often than not I need to say things like I don’t want to fight and then things get mended. I also, all the time, need to ask her to not get mad when we play games like this. This wasn’t the first example of that. She will also be very easily influenced by an angering situation and will start slamming doors, be more susceptible to yelling at her dog, and doom scroll on tik tok for hours. I’ve frequently had to focus on making her feel better when my healing journey isn’t even done myself and I feel like I’m neglecting myself. When I got into this relationship I felt like I wouldn’t have to. She has recently tried for the first time to console me after I started feeling too stressed, but the energy made it feel like it was a chore to her. One time she made 130$ off a tik tok live but I discovered an underwear picture of her on her profile that i had no idea about. When I asked her about it she dismissed it as a trend and only deleted it when confronted. She then had an anxiety attack because I didn’t acknowledge the money she made and I had to comfort her the rest of the night while being on the verge of one myself, because I knew her past history of having sought attention from other guys. However she love bombs me and makes it feel stressful to leave. Last time I visited she made the last week extra special for me before I left to keep up the image of her I fell in love with, and she will do the same again as I leave soon.
I just don’t want to be tied down with someone who doesn’t strive for happiness all the time, which is how I want to live my life. And I want a relationship where we do our best all the time and never be negative unless we really have to. I have started feeling so much stress because for a long time, it was her having negative reactions to small things and me bending over backwards to be as accommodating and loving as possible, with little changing over a long period of time. When she consoled me when I was stressed, it started with a sigh and then her holding me. That didn’t feel genuine. So despite her love bombing me and calling me her love of her life despite the negativity I absorb from her, should I feel empowered to walk away? I really want to and explore other amazing qualities I can consistently find in other women, especially not romanticizing negativity and chasing euphoria together, especially not the social media version of it, but something that will make both of us fall in love with life itself.

I don’t want to see my aunt. My dad is receiving end of life care at my parents house and can’t barely move at this point. My aunt got a ticket to come visit him three weeks ago. She just called my mom and said to get ready for her arrival. She didn’t ask for permission.
My mom’s just letting it slide because she’s my dad’s sister. Auntie traveled on a plane by herself against everyone’s wishes. She can barely walk anywhere unassisted. Mom did not tell my dad about her coming to visit because she didn’t want him to get upset at her. This made me angry because he just doesn’t want to make peace with her either.
So I told my mom not to expect me to come around throughout the week to help out, in advance, and that she can rely on my sister and cousin who don’t pay to live with her.
The reason I don’t want to see her is because of what she did after grandma passed. An uncle of mine would take care of grandma on his dime. He sold his house so that he can move in with his mom and take care of her. Somehow, when my grandmother passed away, we found out that the house was willed to my aunt as well as all of her money. My uncle got kicked out. My aunt was my grandmother‘s favorite daughter, and grandma would always give her money whenever, but she never took care of her. My uncle though, even if he would always go head to head with grandma, no matter what he made sure that she was always taken care of (such as feeding and bathing her) and paid all the bills.
My mom has called me multiple times pressuring me to come by the house to at least say hi to my aunt because she keeps asking about me. Eventually, I did go in the morning to get it over with, but no one came to the living room. I just left. My mom knew I was in the house, including my aunt who was upstairs in a guest room and now my mom wants me to come back again. I told her I tried to see her this morning to “keep the peace” but they were busy, now I want to see her even less.
Mom said something along the lines of trying to be polite, but honestly, I just can’t be nice to her. And from what I have heard my dad is incredibly upset right now.

HELL YEAH I PRDEICTED THEM TO FINSIH 9TH (in my previous reddit post), hence this provides me with some much needed credibility.
PLAYER RANKINGS
22 - Tanay Thyagarajann, Vishwanath Pratap Singh, Chris Woakes, Prince Choudhary -
(Sadly didn't play)
21 - Harpreet Bhatia - ARJUN TENDULKAR merchant
20 - Sikander Raza - Had two decent chances during collapses to showcase his class. Fucked it big time
19 - Shivam Singh - You get 3 bowls. 3 bowls to decide your future fortune. You score 2 runs🗣🔥💯
18 - Rishi Dhawan - Expensive like my girlfriend. Also had a hair transplant like my girlfriend.
17 - Atharva Taide - Hahaha and we thought he'd make the 11
16 - Jitesh Sharma - Realised he was playing in the IPL after PBKS was mathematically outta the competition. Extremely disappointing season by him.
15 - Shikhar Dhawan - Bro ghosted
14 - Vidwarth Kaverappa - Nice Debut
13 - Arshdeep Singh - Expensive. Lost some close matches because of his poor economy. He was supposed to be our death specialist but got tonked all around in the death and powerplay.
12 - Nathan Ellis - Nice one match
11 - Liam Livingstone - The Batter ♿ The Bowler 😈. But has a heart of gold and bleeds red. Only player who cares for us
10 - Rahul Chahar - Blew hot and cold.
9 - Rilee Rossouw - Played a few decent innings.
8 - Johnny Bairstow - Played that one good innings.
7 - Prabhsimran Singh - Couldn't convert his powerful starts into big scores.
6 - Sam Curran - Sarpanch saab. Had a good start to the season but ends up being our most expensive fulltime bowler. Good captaincy and played those 2 good anchor type knocks.
5 - Harshal Patel - PURPLE PATEL 😈😈😈😈 MAYBE WE'LL WIN SOMETHING AFTERALL
4 - Kagiso Rabada - Was soo good in the middle losing streak phase. Became expensive like everyone else at the end.
3 - Harpreet Brar - PANCHOD JATT BURRAH TERI BHEN DA SHIKANJA BURRAH. Also had one good inning with the bat. He should gain some muscle for the next season in my opnion would look hella nice
2 - Ashutosh Sharma - Breda plays for railways and ran a train on MI 🔥🔥🔥‼‼‼💯💯💯
1 - Shashank Singh - And our best batsman is Shashank??? Welp! I wish I could have accidents like these in my life.
Overall loads of good domestic talent that took games deep, ans although we ended up at the wrong side everytime, I really enjoyed this season. Thank you Punjab Kings

We are all probably familiar with the YouTube video “I feel Fantastic”. When I was a freshman in Highschool I was super into all of the spooky unexplainable internet videos. I wasn’t one to get very scared from them, but I loved scaring my friends. While in class I showed my friend the video “I feel fantastic” and since we were in a loud class room he was not as disturbed by it as everyone else who has seen it. I convinced him to watch it again when he got home and he was alone. In order to convince him, I told him I would do the same and he could call me afterwards. Both of my parents worked and so when I got home I was alone. But I kept my promise and watched the video “i feel fantastic” by myself. Half way through the video I decided I had enough, so I decided to watch a suggested video that was shown on the side, to quickly get me out of the video. The video I clicked on was a black eyed peas music video. While I was watching this music video about 30 seconds in my screen started to glitch out. Eventually the video was separated into 6 or so different squares (in a similar way to splitscreen in video games). Some parts of the video were glitched, some were showing the video “I feel fantastic “. The others showed this Asian man who was staring into the webcam and moving really close to the camera. I freaked out and turned off the video. After thinking for a second, I thought that maybe it was a prank rickroll type video that was suggested on purpose, so I rewatched the music video. This time there was nothing out of the ordinary, just the normal music video. After realizing that I left my house immediately and called my friend. He didn’t have any kind of experience like that.
I’m not spooked easily, and I am not superstitious, but I really can’t explain what happened that day. I don’t think I felt threatened, just uncomfortable and confused. I was hoping someone would have an explanation or help me find one.
The weirdest part of this was the man looking into the webcam, it really looked like he was looking right at me. I wish I could remember which music video it was, all I can remember is that it was black eyed peas.

Background:

• M25
• Been having symptoms for about 6 years, diagnosed about 5 ago
• With doctors advice I used to take 4 Zyrtec a day and now I take 2 at night and that’s it
• I drink some but like maybe once a week I have 5-8 drinks and 2 more times 1-3, often less.
• I smoke weed decently frequently but that actually usually helps I think due to being antiinflamatory. It happens a decent bit regularly but seems more frequent when I havnt smoked in a while
• I vape, but I’m working on quitting been weaning myself off and I’m in my second to last 1% device
• I’m allergic to a pesticide or something where some fruits and veggies like honey dew, cantaloupe, raspberries, carrots, and a good couple other fruits and veggies make my tongue feel itchy and tingly for like 5 minutes. This ONLY happens when they are raw but no other allergies that I have found and I’ve kept a detailed food journal and went a week and a half without eating any fruits or veggies to test it and I still had flair ups of hives and swelling
• Overall I’m pretty healthy. Work out regularly and monitor my diet because my physique is important to me. I have a dog and walk 10k steps most days. Never really had any significant health issues aside from this

History with this:
I was originally diagnosed with chronic idiopathic urticaria and angiodema, but idiopathic means they don’t know what causes it and now they replaced that word with spontaneous because they think it’s related to an auto immune disorder. Basically what this means is that I randomly get swelling in my face, specifically my eyes and lips and randomly get hives. I often get them where things rub on me like my waistband or my wrist when I’m wearing bracelets or the end of my sleeves. There are triggers like if my sheets are dirty. I sweat a lot in my sleep but literally wash my sheets twice a week more than anyone I know. Stress can make it worse. One weird thing that I have a theory makes it worse is when my vape is burnt the swelling happens more often (one of the MANY reasons I’m quitting). They say it’s not hereditary but my aunt is one of two people I have met in my entire life that has this. Obviously there could be more that just didn’t tell me but most people I’m close with know about it
I get hives pretty often. It used to be damn near constant but now with medicine it’s a couple days a week I’ll get minor ones that go away quickly and maybe every two weeks a bad one. The swelling happens probably 1-2 times a month
What I want to know:

1. What type of doctor would be an absolute expert in this? It took me like 5 doctors to originally get diagnosed. An allergist was the one that figured it out but I also tried a dermatologist, 2 other allergists, and my physician. Is allergist the best or is there someone more specialized?
   
2. Can anyone explain better what causes it? Now that it’s not idiopathic I assume they understand it better but I can only really find either very simple 1 sentence answers or very complex medical answers that I’m struggling to understand
   
3. Does anyone have any experience with this and important insights you’ve found?
   
4. Are there any new treatments availible? Anything I can do? Zyrtec is the best otc antihistamine for me but it still only kinda works
   

Thank you so much for anyone that can help. This is such a major disruption in my life that is constantly happening. I really struggle to leave my house or be productive when the swelling happens but a lot of that is mental. Shits so embarrassing and noticeable

Kia ora tātou. I have this friend who’s grandfather recently passed, my friend’s grandfather was Māori and sadly his parents didn’t teach him the language. I myself have been trying to learn Māori for a while, and so my friend asked me if I could help him write a song for his grandfather in Māori, but I’m not positive if I’m using the right grammar or have properly translated what my friend wanted for his grandfather.
The song name is “Haere rā”
Haere rā, e te hoa Ka haere au, ka noho koe I roto i te ngākau, te aroha Ka aroha tāua i ngā wā katoa
Ehara i te mea, ka aroha au ki a koe Ka tatū au ki te marae o te reo Kia haere pai, kia pai te noho Ka haere rā, e te hoa, haere rā
Whakarongo mai, e te hoa Kia rongo au i ōu kupu E rere ana te wairua, te manawa Ka tangi au ki te ao, ki te rangi
Ehara i te mea, ka aroha au ki a koe Ka tatū au ki te marae o te reo Kia haere pai, kia pai te noho Ka haere rā, e te hoa, haere rā
Ka kite anō, ki tō taha I roto i te ao, te whakapono Ka manuwhiri mai, ka kitea anō Ka aroha au ki a koe, e te hoa
Ehara i te mea, ka aroha au ki a koe Ka tatū au ki te marae o te reo Kia haere pai, kia pai te noho Ka haere rā, e te hoa, haere rā
My friend wanted the song to also act as a prayer, telling his grandfather that they will meet again one day. So I want to know, is did I do alright, and if not some advice would be helpful.

“These types of people always blame their mother, you know.”
Whenever I hear that incantation, the eerily exact combination of words, I always notice the inevitable short pause just after the final syllable.
When it is spoken by someone who isn’t an actual mother, a forty-year-old man perhaps, there’s a truculent tone to it because the person knows they’re not prima facie on trial. If you have ever read Notes from the Underground, you know what I mean; the narrator attempting to trick an omniscient and omnipresent audience. What they really mean is: “of course MY mother hasn’t given me any mental issues because what would that say about ME, hm?” Their subconscious is involuntarily pushing their response in a direction they might not decide to go in if they had a chance to think logically. Or, more, if we were capable of thinking logically.
You know when you have found where the infection is because the patient yelps when you press it. How often have you accidentally stumbled upon the rot in someone’s soul? How often have you said something innocuous to someone over thirty-five that was met with a strange sort of aggression? As though suddenly possessed to say something by an evil genie, the minotaur of Nietzsche’s Beyond Good & Evil. Something that, even if you are not trained to notice minor attitudinal changes, you still pick up on as out-of-place?
It is different when a mother says it, of course. There is a tenderness present because they know they are, prima facie, on trial. It is even more different when it is your own mother saying it, and it is exceptionally more different when it’s your own mother saying it during a discussion about her mother who is dying in the room opposite.
My Grandmother had suffered a mainline shift, which is when part of someone’s brain is pushed up against the side of their skull. Some thing made to move unnaturally and unaccordingly with their natural pattern. Matter incorrectly constituted.
Myself, my mother, and my cousin were, at the time, sat around in the Long Hours. We had a spate of deaths over the course of four years, so “in the Long Hours” became a family saying, along with “resting the eyeballs” (sleeping). The Long Hours were when you would sit in a hospital for hours on end waiting for someone to die. My family, still having some sway in local healthcare, were allowed to stay past visiting hours, and given preferential treatment when beds were being allocated.
My cousin, called P., and I were in a deep discussion on Eminem’s relationship with Eminem’s mother, which was the topic of conversation on the radio; nothing but the freshest of topics for this regional DJ. We were talking about whether Eminem should forgive his mother after all this time, since forgiving your mother is the done thing where we were from. So, me, my cousin, and my mother were in the Long Hours not thinking about the antiseptic smell, not thinking about our grandmother, my mother’s mother, who was still dying in the other room, and instead thinking about how much money you need before forgiving your mother is what’s expected of you. Because when you’ve “made it” you have nothing else to prove, which means you should be able to put aside old offences. This was the mental arithmetic we were trying to solve as we talked. If we take X to be childhood trauma and Y to be a million in cold hard cash, how many Y until X becomes 0? Or maybe that’s no longer complex mental arithmetic and is becoming basic trauma algebra.
Apropos of nothing, mum blurted out “well ~I~ think after a certain age you shouldn’t blame your parents for things anymore, why do these people always blame their mothers?”
Which stopped the conversation pretty quickly.
At the time I felt attacked, because at the time I thought most things were about me. I was narcissistic in the wonderful new modern way, where instead of thinking everybody believes me to be amazing, I pathologized everyone watching and commenting on every minor mistake I had. Was my theory that the reason I had a secret social anxiety, that my mother had somehow downloaded her own anxieties onto me, revealed to the omnipresent audience? Did I wear it on my face? Was it obvious to the world?
At the time I hadn’t realised everything that was wrong with my mother, something that would later metastasize into a full-blown depression, or that what she was actually talking about was her own issues with her own parents. (See? What you were thinking before was right; everyone just needs to realise nobody is ever actually thinking of anyone but themselves.)
My grandparents always favoured her sister, P.’s mother, and my mother always resented them for that. This was the involuntary movement from my mother.
Whenever these types of shibboleths pop up – “they/these people always blame their mother” – it always feels like a borrowed phrase. Like the subject is struggling through a sub-language in a primordial plane, grasping at passing notions, anything that seems familiar. What my mother said was “why do these people always blame their mothers”, but what she meant was “please be aware that I have no hangups about my own upbringing because I’m well adjusted”, which really means “I’m terrified I’m not well adjusted because my parents didn’t love me” whose real genesis is “I’m terrified I did something to not deserve my parents love”, which has the half-caveat “and I half-believe it’s true”.
I still find it hard to forgive my mother.
But I heard the spell incanted this last week by a distant relative I have been staying with in New England. Her son had been, involuntarily, admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She was holding court about how awful the other people-who-were-there (‘patients’ being forbidden a noun) were, after a rather-too-loud argument about how she encourages co-dependency with her son. She said, “they always seem to blame their mother, these types.” Same pause at the end. Did you spot the shift? These types in this context are her son and their mother was her this time. The plea is that her son is not one of these types, thus absolving her from blame for her son’s condition.
It is a lot easier to be kinder, to see the whole beauty of the love of a mother afraid she has failed, when it’s not your mother. When it isn’t You she has maybe failed. I’m certainly not immune from these little language tricks we play on ourselves. Notice how I cushioned that last sentence with a “maybe”? I also originally typed, then corrected, that my grandmother was ON the hospital room, which was my own subconscious trying to will hospitals into being a liminal space. You ride a hospital bed the same way you ride a bus, because they’re both somewhere you go on the way to something. Because good God, imagine if this was it and you spent your entire time worrying what your mother thought of you?

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.
I’m currently doing advertising strategy remotely at an agency. The hours are killing me. I recently spent a week in the hospital for a stress related illness. My team has repeatedly asked for help, and I’ve tried to make this job work, but things aren’t getting better. I need work/life balance and would love to do meaningful/helpful work with my time on earth.
Specifically interested in a few things:

• What STEM “future proof” fields or programs are a good investment, in your opinion, with realistic job prospects?
  
• Ad strategy is a well-paid job, and grad school might bring a slightly higher salary or an equivalent one. Is it worth going back? Am I being ungrateful?
  
• Any recommended programs? I’m interested in STEM bridge programs, specifically those that accept BA grads. Even better if it’s accelerated.
  

—-
Background: 34F with 12 years of experience in tech web/marketing/advertising and a BA in English from a state university. Willing (and happy to) relocate - no family to bring with.
My GPA in undergrad was something like 3.5. (Wish I’d cared more, but live and learn.) As far as my application goes, I’ve worked for high-profile, household name tech companies, and have a former VP and director willing to write recommendations.
I’m interested in MSc programs that accept a variety of backgrounds (for example, Design + Innovation at UW), but I have mixed thoughts on the longevity of these sorts of degrees and what I’d be able to do post-graduation. Also considered stuff like ML, biotech engineering, and NLP. I am 100% willing to take remedial STEM courses. My highest math class was calculus, and I know some Java and Python.
TYIA. In response, I’m happy to answer any advertising career questions you have.

Although I wish it didn’t come to this, I’m here to ask for advice or thoughts about the situation since people in my personal life can’t provide anything that’s actually useful.
I started uni in September 2023 and began being friends with 3 girls. We used to hang out every single day after class + on weekends if we wanted to. We texted each other a lot and we always seemed to have something to talk about. This friendship made me really happy because we uplifted each other a lot.
But suddenly something happened. In April, I and one of the girls noticed that the other two seemed more distant. It all culminated when we had a misunderstanding (nothing too noteworthy so I won’t explain what it was in detail)and decided to talk to the 2 girls about what had happened. They did confirm that the situation that had occurred was just a misunderstanding, but they were in fact a little upset at me and the other girl, because we didn’t have good communication during a group project we submitted a couple days prior. When I asked if there was anything else that I did that offended them they both said that I had done nothing wrong. We (seemingly) talked it out, hugged it out and began speaking more often.
That lasted a week. Now we are back to the 2 girls talking to each other and not wanting to interact with me or the other girl (won’t reply to texts, will not engage in conversation etc). Except for 2 instances (both were pretty awkward), we have not went anywhere after lectures, saying they are not in the mood. However, they insist on taking me to the bus stop after uni every day (even after i offer them that I can go on my own) and always choose to stand/sit close to me and the other girl (they still don’t really talk to us though).
This has been very confusing and I can’t tell if it’s just exam season stress or something else. The other girl (our relationship is fine) thinks we just need to wait things out in case we have made wrongful assumptions. Would love to hear some suggestions on how to navigate the situation. Thank you for reading :)

Descriptions of the zodiacs taken from Vogue
<LEE SUHYEOK> Scorpio: Intense but secretive The fiery, intense personality of a Scorpio can make any time spent together a wild, dizzying ride. But while they will go the extra mile to take care of your emotional needs, they remain notoriously secretive about their own—good luck cracking open the spine of this closed book.
<LEE CHEONGSAN> Capricorn: Goal-oriented but unforgiving Not everyone can conquer the world but if a Cap were to set out to do it, nothing would deter them until they had accomplished their goal. With a personality that is hardwired in practicality, they can often fail to appreciate nuance and are known to be unforgiving of others’ mistakes.
<CHOI NAMRA> Cancer: Passionate but uncommunicative Behind the brooding fortress that a Cancer has erected to protect themselves are abundant reserves of deep, undying love and loyalty. Pity that few will get to experience it because they aren’t the best at communicating what is in their hearts.
<NAM ONJO> Libra: Empathetic but indecisive If you are looking for someone to lend a comforting shoulder during times of distress and truly put themselves in your shoes, ring up the first Libra in your contacts. This empathetic side of theirs can sometimes get derailed by their inability to make up their mind, compounded by a fear of confrontations, which means that you never truly know which side they stand on.
<YOON GWINAM> Aries: Competitive but insecure There is nothing an Aries cannot achieve once they set their mind to it—no mountain is too high. However, you will also find them nursing a hidden imposter syndrome that can chip away at their confidence if allowed free rein.
<JANG HARI> Gemini: Versatile but impatient Throw a Gemini to the wolves, and they will come back leading the pack—the air element in this sign means that they can adapt easily to any situation. But their fuse runs short and once they run out of patience with someone, there is no wiggle room for second chances.
<YANG DAESU> Sagittarius: Spontaneous but flighty There is no storyteller quite like a Sagittarius—they can have the entire room hanging on their every word. But while they can show you grand dreams, it can sometimes be hard to pin them down and make them deliver on their promises.
<LEE NAYEON> Leo: Confident but dominating Born to be under the spotlight, there is nothing that this lion enjoys as much as being the cynosure of all eyes. However, this innate conviction that they are always in the right means that they can often run roughshod over others’ feelings and sentiments.
<OH JOONYEONG> Virgo: Perfectionist but self-critical Meticulous, organised and diligent, if the world were to end tomorrow, you would want a Virgo to lead the march into the new dawn. However, that pesky niggle of self-doubt in their head means that they are often harsher on themselves than anybody else can be.
<PARK MIJIN> Taurus: Loyal but stubborn Loyal to a fault, a Taurean is the most reliable person you can have in your corner when the chips are down. However, they have a stubborn streak a mile wide and can hold onto a grudge like no one else, so make sure you don’t cross them.
<PARK EUNHEE> Aquarius: Philosophical but detached A deep-thinker with a humanitarian streak, an Aquarian has grand plans to change the world. Shame that they left the party early though because their reclusive nature makes it hard for them to establish bonds with those around them.
<MIN EUNJI> Pisces: Whimsical but over-sensitive If you are looking to escape the mundane everyday grind, a Pisces’s imaginative mind can whisk you away into a realm of fantasy. Their kind, nurturing personality can prove to be a double-edged sword though, because their overtly sensitive heart is easily wounded, further compounded by a tendency to play the victim.

Hey everyone. So, I've been trying ti get on hrt for years now, or well. "Trying". More like I wanted to but didn't get to much of trying due to overprotective parents.
I used to go to a psychiatrist, and when I was around 15 or 16 she signed the papers for me to get evaluated for hrt. My parents knew before that I felt like a guy because they forced me to come out by going through my phone and making me tell them, even thiugh they read everything I have ever done on my phone. Either way, when I told them about the papers, since I was a minor and couldn't do it without my parents' presence/consent, they flipped on me, told me to rip up the papers and throw them away, that it's all just a phase etc. And I think for a while, I believed them. I waited for it to pass, but now I'm 19 and it still feels absolutely horrible going outside, knowing I don't pass as a man. I live with my parents and due to schooling will be for a while.
Now, my question is, how do I bring it up again? They know how I feel about my gender, they know I despise "being a girl", but they still think it'll pass. Idk how to make them realize that it WON'T. I've felt like this for the past 8-9 years and it's only gotten worse.
How could I convince them into letting me do hrt, maybe even supporting me in this? Because they do still love me'n all, they just don't want me to be a son instead of a daughter.

Guy I'm seeing pulled me up on my bushy eyebrows and body hair in a very indirect way. I have a small treasure trail which I think is cute. The hairs are blondish so I don't go to the hassle of waxing or whatever. He didn't directly say it to me, he just brought up that isn't it weird how the beauty ideal has molded us to view women a certain way and that if they're not like that then it's kinda ick e.g. if there's a woman with hairy legs etc even though innately we should feel attracted to them because they're a woman you don't. I'm totally paraphrasing and can't remember the exact phrase he used but I asked him directly do you think my legs are hairy and he said no. I do shave my lower legs but not my upper ones which aren't hairy imo. Now I'm like fuck, guess I better get the tweezers out and laser my entire body. I guess it's good in a way. He wants me to look my best? I'm not shaving my bush though just bottom part. I told him I have a lot of testosterone soooo... and he laughed.
I'm also completely neurotic and I went for a nap after getting home from his place today and then tried calling him and he didn't answer straight away. Immediately my mind jumped to the worst and I thought he was with another girl when he was actually just out on his bike. I blocked him on whatsapp and sent him a bunch of 🐷🐷🐷 emojis. He called me and was like wtf and I'm pretty sure he now thinks I'm crazy which I am. I told him I'm sorry for being so neurotic.
His dog died recently which was honestly heartbreaking as I considered them a package deal and my favourite activity was going for walks with him and his dog. I interpreted this as a punishment from God for having premarital sex and that maybe I shouldn't be with him.
I also don't feel comfortable pooping in his house yet even though I have multiple times.
I called him twice by accident on Whatsapp when I was reading over his messages like a sap. This was in the really early days and one of the times was at 7.30 in the morning when I was half asleep. Embarrassing. We were able to laugh about it but still.. literally the complete opposite from aloof and cool. "Someone misses me" is what he said.
He smokes so I started vaping again. This is definitely bad.
I guess I'm an rs gf. I feel like I like him so much I'm going crazy. I don't even have any reasons to have trust issues. It's always been me that's sabotaged my past relationships. I'm going away for work in June so at least my mind will be on other things then. Is there any way I can let go and stop being so uptight and neurotic yet still tick all the boxes as the ideal wife? I believe it is his fault for love bombing me telling me I'm going to father his kids, move in with him and that we're going on a motorbike road trip for our honeymoon.
I genuinely should have been born a man. I tried therapy before but ghosted my therapist to join crossfit. I'm also 30 so this is all just so embarrassing. I guess the post could be titled being a modern woman is hard. I don't really have any girlfriends in my corner to slap some sense into me. Someone tell me to chill tf out or what I should do.

thought I would make post and see if anyone wanna talk and see if we vibe. I'm looking mostly long term conversations and friendships
About me; so I'm very much into games like survival games or Rogue like games, very into shooter games like the finals so I would say I'm pretty good at the game, my biggest passion is magic the gathering card game. I invested a lot of time and money during 6 years of investment and time into it so I can say for sure it is my fav card game, I mostly do Commander now, I used to do standard 4 years ago ago but I got burned out and went with commander format.
I enjoy watching movies too, one being my most fav donnie darko and spirited away.
I also read books, recently brought book called the master and margarita so I'm quite looking forward reading it some point in the week.
My personality wise is I am very talkative in voice, always tries to make others laugh and try to be ethical, I can sometimes be attached but I am learning to stop doing that but it's definitely harder than it is haha. I can be stubborn but I'm learning. Only recently turned 26 haha
My music is all kind but I'm happy to share if like to, one of the songs I been mainly vibing to is goth, by sidewalks and skeletons.
Feel free to dm me to ask questions. Talk soon

First, my phone - we’re getting a VPN to cover our laptops anyhow (don’t really want to have to always use my phone as a hotspot), so I’m going to get a physical SIM card instead of an eSIM for my phone. I’ve looked at some SIM cards I could buy ahead of time on Amazon instead of waiting till I’m at the airport there, but the ones I’ve looked at all include incoming texts but not outgoing? I’m not even sure how they’d charge me for outgoing texts since it’s prepaid, would they just not allow it? Anyhow, recommendations for SIM cards that include texting (even if it’s a limited number)?
Then there’s my husband’s phone. He still has the phone he got when we got married. In 2005. He does not want a smartphone. Every year or two t-mobile warns us that they’re going to shut down their 2G network on X date so he needs to upgrade, every time we win the game of chicken and the date passes and his phone still works. I honestly think 2G getting for real shut down is the only thing that will force him to get a new phone.
Is there any chance his phone will work in China? Given that he is the last person on earth using a 2G phone we haven’t been able to find a definitive answer on this. If he can just put a new sim in it (if they even sell sims that would work with his phone??? I honestly have no idea what the limitations are there) then there’s no way he’ll bother getting a new phone, even a burner, for the trip. When he’s gone to both China and Japan in the past it hasn’t worked, but he didn’t bother with a new SIM card those times - now since we’re traveling together with our kid I want him to be reachable. If it matters, it’s a Samsung x475.

[First] [Previous] [Next]
Spying on a college student wasn’t exactly riveting, mostly because it was so easy! Connecting to Tav’s computer had been a breeze, and taking over the microphone on her phone wasn’t exactly hard either. Blanco had a good look at the girl’s files, checking her old writings with little to no interest, and then reading through the notes she was taking on a ‘Translation effort’ with legitimate curiosity.

The creature was sitting in the air, slowly sliding from one side of his room to the other, lit only by the lights of the many screens on its walls… all while the grin on his face was only growing wider and wider with each new discovery. So a language, hmm? Wasn’t that the thing that G and Eighty Two had been rambling about for years now? Ohhh, he couldn’t wait to tell them… or, at least, tell G about it.

He had been paid quite the hefty sum to not tell 82 a thing of what they discovered, at least for now… the fight between those two had always struck Blanco as arbitrary and stupid, but alas! It wasn’t his business, really! In fact, that fight had brought much more business to him than anything!

The phone suddenly rings. Speak of the devil! A quick check on the caller ID showed Eighty Two’s private line.

With a broken glass grin covering his otherwise smooth face, Blanco took the phone.

“Bianccio Pizzería! Thickest pizza around! How can I help you?~” Oh how he relished pissing people off.

“Shut up.” A cold, feminine voice came from the other side. Eighty Two always sounded so annoyed… “I need a service. Payment will be in advance, as per our usual accord.”

“Ohhh straight to the point huh? I like it!”

“There’s a new user in Dejima 08. Perform the usual Safety Scan. They claim to have been invited by user ‘Canned Tea’, but we know he has lied about it before.”

“Ok, let me check!” Just to cover, Blanco tapped gibberish on his keyboard while softly going ‘beep boop’ as he worked. “... Alright! Got it!”

“That was fast.”

“Tav. Real name Santino Belnades. A Bastard Mage living in Saüle, Wohl.”

“Is he dangerous?”

“Actually she goes by she now!”

“Is she dangerous?” Mustafá grumbled, more annoyed than usual.

“Nah. Just a college student like many others. She’ll give up or die in a month tops.”

“...” Mustafá remained silent for a moment, ruminating. “So Canned Tea is just covering another random bastard…”

“Ahem. My pay?”

“Why is this kid like this? Can’t he realize that he’s getting them into far more trouble than it’s worth?”

“I thought you said nothing ever happens in that forum of yours. Isn’t that your main complaint?”

“That doesn’t mean nothing ‘can’ happen at any moment. If the Brotherhood finds out about this forum, they could seize all of us for questioning.” The alchemist let out a deep sigh.

“Yeah, real tragic. Pay me.”

“I wonder how this one got turned. Probably some mage’s irresponsible usage of spells…? No, Wohl has such a low magical population, and such a high conscription by the Brotherhood…”

Blanco let out the deepest of sighs, rubbing his smooth face with a hand while spinning slowly on his non-existent chair. This was exactly why he prefered working with G, that and the lack of emotions that witch had…

And people called him inhuman! Hah!

“Keep an eye on her. I will pay you right now.”

There was a loud ‘KA-CHING!’ sound coming from one of the computers in the room. Blanco sighed in relief.

“Thank you for your patronage! I will keep you updated.”

“Good.”

With that, the alchemist hung up. Blanco growled again. No one said ‘Good Bye’ these days now, did they!? Rude pricks. And bad news kept coming up! This ‘Canny’ guy was now telling her that he’ll teach her the glyph for digital security?

“Guess baby time is over.”

He’d have to work a little harder to stay hidden if Tav decided to install that on all of her devices. At least it would keep him entertained! Blanco decided to focus on preparing for when things would get more intense.

After all, he had some time. The kid was going to the library, right? There was only one book she wanted from there, and Blanco had read it several times over already.

Gato’s old scratchbook held no new knowledge for the vampire to be interested.


There is no such thing as an entire section dedicated to recipe books in Saüle University’s Library, but I manage to find that stuff in the ‘miscellany’ section. That’s where all the hobby and self-help material ends up, and even if it took me a moment to come to the conclusion, that’s where I went too.

It takes me even longer to look through every single tome I could in that section, but finally, after all my hard work… I think I have found it.

Canny was right, this is a cheap notebook. Soft covers, spiral-bound, both sides stamped with wizard hats, frogs, potion phials and many other pieces of typically ‘witchy’ imagery. Looking through the pages, it is just a bunch of cake and kuchen recipes, nothing to write home about. It is old, the pages are all yellowish and fragile, and there are stains everywhere.

Then, when I am sure no one is watching… I whispered the words.

“Jantar mantar…?”

It is instantaneous, as soon as I say the password the pages begin to change, words disappearas the ink that wrote them starts gathering in a single, dark blotch, and then begins rearranging again…

Something compels me to close the book, feeling a little embarrassed. For some reason I equated it to catching someone changing up clothes, how outrageous!

Finally, after waiting for a moment, I open it again.

The Bastard’s Guide to Magic
By Gato

Okay, that was certainly a title.

Now that I have it in my hands, I quickly close it again and add it to a pile of books I have picked up. Stuff on ancient symbology and old civilizations. With my loot in my arms, I quickly go over to the main desk and get it all sorted.

The second floor librarian smiles at me for a moment before scanning all the barcodes, giving me a week to return all the books, and then offering me a bag to carry them. I shake my head, setting it all in my backpack.

… Wow, it’s been a while since I've taken this old backpack out to Uni, huh?

“Feeling nostalgic?”

“For the times you were an actually useful member of society?”

Maybe a little bit, to be honest. I still remember when I used to come here with Patricio looking for academic books and I escaped the duties to look for something interesting to read…

“Back when you actually read as a hobby.”

Shut up, I’ve been reading more these days, I am returning to it.

Walking out of the Library, I once again avoid the gaze of any acquaintances and run straight for the streets to take another taxi back home. There aren’t that many people around today anyways, probably because of Winter Vacation.

Maybe I should send Patricio a message…

“Oh yeah? And what will you tell him? That you’re ditching formal studies for a fantasy? That magic is real and shit?”

I… thought of saying hi. That’s what friends do, right?

“When was the last time you spoke to a friend? Pepe? Vito? What about Venus?”

I flinch for a moment.

“We can fix that right now! Let’s go chat with Patricio when we get home!”

I… don’t think I will, no. The mere idea of getting in contact with him makes me a little sick from the nerves, especially considering I don’t really have an answer for what he told me before. I remain as undecided on the whole ‘career’ deal as I was that day.

With a hand I call for a passing taxi, and I have the luck of being acknowledged. You never know with the Taxists these days, it is very well known that they dislike the college students in this city.

Maybe he is hurting for money.

I sit down, tell the man where I need to go, and stop thinking about things for a moment as the car moves… only to feel my phone vibrating.

It vibrates more than once.

That means someone’s calling me.

I start sweating almost immediately, as I carefully pull the thing out. Two possibilities, it js either spam, or it is my parents.

It is my parents.

“Calm down.”

“How do you think they would feel if they knew how fucking distressed their presence make you? Do you think they would ask ‘whatever did we do wrong?’ or something like that?”

“Don’t listen. Just… remember that they’ve never meant anything bad, ok? They will accept you, regardless of your results in college.”

I gulp… and with a deep breath, I put on the mask. All trembling stops, just like that night at the planetarium… although it really pains me to compare mom and dad to the cloaks. With another deep breath, I pick up.

“Mom?”

“Ohhhhh hi there Santi! How are you today? I hope I didn’t catch you too busy!” Mom was as vital and energetic as ever. Despite her old age, she really always acts like a far younger woman. That’s admirable, at least to me.

“She will die eventually, too.”

Saints above, shut up.

“I’m fine mom! I was just returning from the library. We started vacation this week, so I was picking some stuff to read on my own.” Not technically a lie. “How are things over there in Sumpf?”

“Ohhh you know, there’s never much to tell around here. Your dad and Vito always at each other’s throats… I really hope they'll get along a bit better with time.”

“They wont. If anything, it will get worse.”

Vito will grow wiser and dad will grow older, I am sure things will get better.

“Hah, I guess some things never change… what about you? Feeling fine?”

“Oh you know me, I am fine! For now.” She laughed loudly. “And you, Santi? How do you feel?”

“Uh…”

Damn it. I hesitated. I need to give that a reason NOW.

“... Well I had a bit of a toothache before, but beyond that, all’s…” I sigh. “Okay, maybe not so good. Mom, I think I flunked my exams this time…”

“Oh my dear…” She sighed, before going back to her positive self. “Don’t torture yourself over it now. Wait for the actual grade to be announced, then torture yourself!”

“Moom!”

“I am just kidding sweetie.” She chuckled a bit. “It is fine, we all fail sometimes… really, it’s not the end of the world, I swear.”

“She’s trying to soften the blow from the fact that you’re a fucking failure.”

I shudder.

“You are doing your best, that’s all that matters.”

“Are you?”

“We are proud of you, Santi. Never forget that.” She said, probably smiling.

“They were proud. Now? They are just enduring you.”

My lips tremble, a sharp breath escapes me. No, please. I can’t cry in a damn taxi…

“...Mom.”

“Yes, dear?”

“... What if this career isn’t what I am meant to do?”

“We are not ‘meant’ to do things. The Saints put us here to try and improve ourselves, but there’s no one dictated path, dear.”

Sometimes I forget that mom is quite religious, it makes me smile a little bit.

“I know, I know. But that’s not what I meant…” I hesitate again, breathing in and out, trying to keep the panic attack at bay. “... Mom… what if this is not the career I am built for?”

“Well… you can always change, dear! It is no problem, don’t worry about the money. We can afford it, especially with your scholarship!”

I certainly lost that one with my disastrous performance here, but I don’t have the guts to tell Mom that.

“As if she didn’t know already. She’s not stupid.”

“... Thank you mom.”

“Any time, dear. If there’s ANYTHING at all that you feel like telling me, remember that I am always on your side, okay?”

“Yes mom.”

“Yeah yeah, ‘yes mom’, that means ‘shut up already, old lady’, right?” She giggled.

“Mooom!”

“Alright, alright… I hope you can come back soon, okay? We miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“She doesn’t believe you. None of them do. They think you’re cold, distant and a failure on top of all that.”

“I love you mom.”

“Love you too, Santi.”

Click.

The taxi is not moving, it hasn’t been for a while now. The old man behind the steering wheel looks at me with concern.

“We’re here… kid. If something is wrong, you gotta tell your mom. Trust me… there are many things I wish I told mine before she passed.”

“You don’t know us. You have no idea about us. Stop talking so familiarly to us and go away.”

I flinch, pushing down that response and just sighing.

“I know… thank you.”

After paying the man, I walk out of the taxi and let it go, standing in front of my apartment complex for a moment.

I really don’t want to cry today.

But I already feel some tears going down my face.

Why am I like this?

My father appointed a friend his executor of the will. She began cutting people she didn't like out of his life, starting with his significant other (who was willed the half of his estate that the friend was not getting) but ending before his death with other friends. (This does not include me, his child). It looks very much like she did this out of jealousy as she even had the s/o cut out of the will somehow by the time he died. This was at the expense of my dad's happiness/peace and has me even more heartbroken than just losing him does.
Is there anything that can be done now that he has passed and things are coming to light (no one realized she was doing this until days before he passed). It is in writing (from the executor) that he was upset because he had no key to his own home (she changed the locks) and he was not able to see his s/o. Hospice also pleaded with this woman to let him see whoever he wanted so he could pass peacefully, as he held on for days after first becoming unconscious. He had voiced his emotional distress over these things to hospice just days before he became unconscious so they were aware of how upset he was. I have proof of his emotional distress via this woman's own words/texts to me and other family members if that helps.

Hey everyone, I’m sorry I’ve been a little ghost. Still got the isopods going strong and shipping a limited amount but due to life stuff and redoing the fish room my capacity has been low.
I’ve reached an amount of pods that I’ve started testing them with different fish and setups which is exciting so I can start giving better advice on tank mates. So far seems similar to shrimp where the babies may get eaten by small fish but the adults seem to do fine.
I have a tank that’s had a bunch of different fish in it and a population has sustained but there’s a lot of rock work in there.
Thanks again to everyone that’s ordered isopods and I am finally editing the care video together. My grandpa who just passed away got me into this hobby last year, and I heard one of the last things he said about me was how he really thought I was on to something with the whole isopod business.
So I am motivated to keep things moving.
Here’s to the summer of the isopod agenda!
Sincerely,

• Nicolas