What to send your boyfriend at college

ApplyingToCollege

2013.08.02 14:05 steve_nyc ApplyingToCollege

ApplyingToCollege is the premier forum for college admissions questions, advice, and discussions, from college essays and scholarships to college list help and application advice, career guidance, and more.
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2008.01.25 07:54 College

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2012.02.10 07:01 EffanWoks College Memes

Welcome to MEME101. We'll be starting tutorial sessions next week, weekly laboratory meetings are mandatory and carries 20% of final grade. Exams are worth 50% and are 100 questions each with a 1 minute time limit. Arrange an appointment if you need help, my office hours are 1:00PM to 1:01PM.
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2024.05.19 11:32 MinuteEconomy Women would be more insecure than men if they had to deal with female orbiters.

Men usually have to deal with other guys hitting on their girlfriends/wives and if they’re insecure about it they’re told to suck it up get over it because she chose you over them which most of the time is useless and not helpful. It is even expected as a man to deal with such men on almost a daily basis so we learn to deal with it and get over it. This advice mostly comes from women and sometimes guys themselves. But I can guarantee you that if the roles were reversed women would be just as insecure and jealous as men or even more.
Most guys don’t have random women hitting on them or following them on Instagram, texting them on WhatsApp or even talking to them so it’s a foreign concept to most women since they don’t have to deal with female orbiters and can’t relate to it. And there’s an easy way to prove it, women on Reddit and in real life get angry when their boyfriends just follow attractive women on Instagram, guys aren’t even talking to them just looking and that is enough to make women insecure. Now imagine if those women who he’s following initiated a conversation with him and started complimenting him, liking his pictures, and even sending him her number, or they are hitting on him right in front of you. Women would go crazy with insecurity and jealousy.
Just as an experiment, put your phones together on a table and look at WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook or even Tinder, open the messages and compare who’s getting more attention and conversations from the opposite gender, who’s liking who’s pictures more. You’ll notice that women’s social media is more busier than men’s. Now I ask you ladies, how would you feel if your boyfriend/husband was getting all that attention from other women?
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2024.05.19 10:58 jenajiejing The Secret of Human Bodies – Examples Proving the Existence of the Greatest Creator

Xue Feng Though the modern medicine has limited knowledge of human bodies, what we have known is enough for us to admire the excellent human body structure and functions. Each system and organ in the human body is designed by the Greatest Creator. Even those trivial body parts have great functions. For example, there are several types of hairs on human bodies with distinct forms and functions. The head hair is designed to protect and beautify the head. It can grow long. According to the Bible, “But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.” The eyebrows can divert sweat and rain, preventing them into the eyes. That’s why they are lined above the two eyes. Eyelashes can prevent the dust and other things from entering the eyes. That’s why they are lined on the sides of the eyelids. Also they stand forward in a special curve because it wouldn’t hinder the eyesight or pierce into the eyes when closing the eyes. If the eyebrows and eyelashes are too long, they will hinder the eyesight. That’s why they wouldn’t grow as long as the hair or beards. The nasal hairs can filter the inhaled air. That’s why they grow inside the nostril and stand sideways and outwards. If they stand inwards, the other things will find it easy to come into the nostrils and difficult to go out. The armpit hairs can prevent the partial friction and help the sweat evaporate. Without the armpit hairs, we have to raise our arms. Otherwise the skin under the arm will become inflamed because of the friction and moist. Required by the function, the armpit hairs cannot grow as long as the head hairs, or as short as the eyebrows. Besides, they are soft and curving. If they are rigid and coarse, they will hurt the skin. And cilia grow on the intestinal epithelium. The cilia grow downward and vibrate together. The vibrating waves move downward from upward to help move down the intestinal contents. Cilia also grow on the airway and bronchus epithelium. However, they grow and vibrate in the opposite direction as those on the intestinal epithelium. Only in this way can they move the sputum upward to the throat and spit them. If they grow downward, the airway and bronchus would get stuck by the sputum and the humans would die from it. Now I wish to take two simple reflections of human bodies as an example. When foreign matters enter the nostrils or airways, they will arouse two protective reflections, sneeze or cough, which is designed to repel the foreign matters. But due to different situation, these two reflections differ in their approaches. The foreign matters in the nostrils are not urgent so the sneeze reflection can be prepared in a composed way. First, inhale slowly; open the mouth, and the soft place move upward to block the nostril. Then breathe in enough air through the mouth, and the pleural body contracts sharply to emit the air in the lungs quickly. When the emitting reaches its peak, the tongue rises abruptly to block the mouth to repel the air to go out swiftly through the nostrils. In this way the foreign matters in the nostrils are driven out. However, if the foreign matters enter the airway, it is an emergent situation. If the foreign matters are not driven out timely, the life will be put at risk. The inhaling is strictly forbidden because it will make the foreign matters go deeper and cause suffocation. So the cough doesn’t include the inhaling. Instead, the glottis closes immediately. At the same time, the pleural body contracts suddenly and adds the lung air pressure extremely. When the pressure is at its strongest point, the glottis opens suddenly and the lung air sends out explosively, compelling the foreign matters in the airway to the throat via the glottis. At this time, the soft place rises to block the nostrils. The foreign matters are spit out through the mouth. If the tongue and the soft place perform the same way as in the sneeze, the foreign matters emitted out of the airway will enter the nostrils, causing another trouble. In these two reflections, the body parts must cooperate closely. Any failure in the coordination will lead to the failure of the reflection, causing serious consequences. So these activities are not done freely. Instead, they are done as required by their functions and set procedures. These procedures are not learnt or practices. The program has been rooted in our brain nerve structure (nerve nucleus) when we are born. Otherwise, the babies will not survive. The advanced computer science has made it possible to simulate these activities. However, the simulation requires 3 conditions: 1. Device simulating the inhale and exhaling of human mouth, nose, throat, pleural and the sensing device; 2. The central control equipment simulating nerves and body system (compute, input and output devices). The above two devices are hardware. And software is also needed, namely (3). A program composed in strict compliance with the requirements to control the performance and procedure of each link, and arrange them in perfect coordination. All the three conditions are imperative. Otherwise the reflections can’t be realized. The program itself is not a substance structure. Instead, it is a smart use and spiritual result. There will be no such a thing as the program without the smart use. So we have to ask, the program is composed by the humans and stored in the computer, how about the control program in the human brain. Is it also composed by someone and stored in the human brain? Sneeze and cough are the simplest examples. There are numerous automatically controlled physical, bio-chemical and pathological human body activities, which are even more sophisticated than reflections of cough. Even today, some of them remain mysteries to us. So how are these sophisticated control programs composed? And where do they come from? Now let’s have a look at the sensory organs on human bodies. Why do we have two ears? The reason is that one ear is not able to identify the direction. With the ears lying on two sides of the head, the sound reaches the ears in sequence of time. Based on the slight receiving time difference, the brain can judge where the sound comes from. The auricle is the most outward component of the ear. It can introduce the sound into the external auditory canal. Within the auricle there is a thin layer of cartilage helping to retain the form of auricle, giving it wonderful elasticity and protecting it from the clashes. Without the cartilage, the auricle is just two useless pieces of skin hanging on the head side. If the thin bone is inside the auricle, it will break easily even if when you are sleeping on your side, damaging the auricle. There is fuzz on the outer segment of the external auditory canal preventing the sand and dust. The inner segment secretes cerumen to prevent insects. When foreign matters enter the external auditory canal, it will trigger head shaking, instead of sneeze or cough, to get the matters out. Because the external auditory canal is a blind passage, it is impossible to repel the foreign matters with air. Why don’t the foreign matters in the nostrils arouse the head-shaking reflection to repel them? That’s because the nostrils of humans almost lie in the middle of the head. The shaking is not able to produce enough centrifugal force. Besides, the human nostrils face downward and it is improper to repel the foreign matters by shaking the head. The sound is produced by the mechanical vibration of objects and is transmitted by the air fluctuation, or the sound waves. The human ears are actually working like a precise mechanical vibration monitor. In the inner ear there are a number of keyboards with different sizes, producing nerve impulses produced by echoing with corresponding frequencies. The brain, in accordance with the features of these impulses, identifies the strength, tunes and timbre of the sounds. We must note though there are many sensory organs in human bodies, only the inner ear is protected by the most solid and firm bones. In fact, it lies in the cave part of the temporal bone. Of all the sensory organs, only the ears monitor the mechanical vibration, which needs a relatively fixed position. Otherwise, it is not able to monitor the sound. If the inner ear lies in the soft tissues, when the sound wave arrives, the inner ear will vibrate with it. Thus it can hear nothing. Now the inner ear lies in the firm bone and it can’t sense the air vibration. So it is imperative to reduce the density waves to the mechanical vibrations before sending them to the inner ear. And there is such a reduction device at the middle bottom of the external auditory canal, which is called the eardrum. The eardrum has enough space to receive the air pressure. It is thin enough to vibrate when the sound wave arrives. Meanwhile, the eardrum is strong enough to push the transmission device. The long handle of the middle ear cartilage is attached to its inner side, the tensile force of which makes the eardrum sink inside slightly to maintain certain tension. This allows the eardrum to accurately reduce the arriving sound waves into the mechanical vibrations. No matter what the temperature is, the vibration function is not impacted. After the sound waves are reduced into the mechanical vibration, some rigid objects are needed to transmit the vibration to the inner ear. Of all body tissues, the most rigid objects are the bones. However, the bones are heavy in general and covered by the soft tissues, which are not suitable for the audio vibration. However, in the tympanic cavity between the eardrum and the inner ear, there are three unique tiny bones with delicate forms measured in millimeters. They are almost completely exposed to the air in the tympanic cavity. These three tiny bones are connected by ligament and form a transmission chain in curve with excellent audio vibration function, able to transmit accurately the vibration of the eardrum to the inner ear. The transmission device can properly multiply the weak vibration and reduce the strong sound wave. All of these structures are the super designs required by the acoustics. There are even smarter designs in the hearing organ. For example, to make the eardrum vibrate freely following the arriving sound waves, the two sides of the eardrums must be exposed to the air. As a result, there is a tympanic cavity full of air in the middle ear. If the cavity is filled by liquids, just as other cavities are, the eardrum is not able to vibrate because the liquids can’t contract. Besides, the cavity does not only need to be filled with air, but also needs to be connected to the outside world with a proper passage, to balance the static air pressure in the cavity with the outside air pressure. Otherwise, the air in the cavity will gradually be absorbed, causing the eardrum to sink excessively or damaging it. When the outside air pressure changes, (such as in mountain climbing, diving, the airplane takeoff or climate change), it will arouse uncomfortable feelings or lead to hearing malfunction. But the middle ear can’t be opened to the outside world directly, just like the external auditory canal or nostrils can. The reason is that the direct exposure will make the arriving waving sound reach the two sides of the eardrums at the same time via the external auditory canal and middle ear passage, counteracting the sound pressure. Thus the eardrums will not vibrate at all, unable to produce the hearing. So it is a difficult problem to connect the middle ear and the outside world. However, the human body, with a smart design, solves this problem. The middle ear is opened at the two sides in the upper rear of the pharynx via a half-opened passage (the so-called auditory tube). The auditory tube is locked in common times and only opened temporarily when taking the swallowing actions, balancing the air pressure in the middle ear shortly. After the swallowing action is over, the auditory tube is locked again. Apart from eating, human body would regularly take swallowing action unconsciously, even when he or she is sleeping. Thus the air pressure in the middle ear can be adjusted from time to time and avoid the hearing from being hindered. Besides, when swallowing, the swallowing segment and the soft palate will definitely rise, blocking the mouth and nostrils against the outside world. So on the moment when the ear and throat are opened shortly, though the air in the throat can enter the middle ear, the sound waves from the outside world are blocked against the middle ear. As a result, the hearing will not be interfered and can receive the outside sound and voice. Only the throat in the body can meet the special demand of the hearing organs. The throat is originally designed as part of the digestion and breathing system, it does not belong to sensory system. However, it can cooperate so smartly with the hearing organs. We have to admire the extremely delicate body-wise design. The vestibule in the inner ear controls the balance of the body. In the vestibule there are 3 semicircular canals. When the body loses balance, the mutually-vertical semicircular canals produce the balance impulse, which triggers the corresponding reflection via the balance center in the medulla brain. Why are there 3 semicircular canals instead of 2 or 4? And why are they mutually vertical? The reason is apparent. Humans live in the 3-dimensional space. There are 3 mutually-vertical movement directions, namely, front and rear, left and right, upward and downward. So the 3 mutually-vertical semicircular canals can monitor the movements. The number less than 3 or more than 3 would be insufficient or redundant. We can see the delicate and smart structure and function, and the supreme wisdom in them. They can’t be the accidental results. As the most important perception of human bodies, vision provides more information than that provided by all other perceptions. The vision is the perception of image and space and the visual organs must have the most precise and accurate structure completely different from other sensory organs. As a result, in the perspective of the embryo-genesis or neuro-anatomy, the main structure of the eyes is not just the common receptor. Instead, it is part of the cerebral cortex. The so-called optic nerves are completely different from other cerebrospinal nerves. In essence, the optic nerves are inner structure in the brain, transmitting the most sophisticated visual information. The eyes function like a precise camera. The retina composed of the photoreceptor cells is just like the films. The crystal, iris and the cornea works like the lens, diaphragm and the filter. However, the precision and automatic adjustment of the eyes is no match of any high-quality cameras. For example, the lens in modern cameras is made of special glass or hard plastics with fixed focal distance. When taking pictures for the landscapes with different distances, the lens position must be adjusted. Otherwise, the image will not be produced on the films. But this is an awkward approach. Imagine when the eyes are watching landscapes with different distances, the eyeballs have to protrude or recess alternatively, which looks ugly or damages the health and function of the eyes. However, the crystal in the eyes are transparent and elastic colloid, which can adjust automatically the focal distance in accordance with the distance of the objects to make sure all the objects can be imaged on the retina, without changing the position of the crystal. Such automatic adjustment function can’t be fulfilled by any camera. If we observe the eyes in the perspective of modern TV technologies, the eyes are more like the television camera, but thousands of times more precise than the television cameras. The TV image is composed of dense pixels (the mixed dark or brilliant light spots). Till now, the best TV image only contains less than 1 million pixels. However, the human eyes can produce image containing 20 billion pixels. Only the eyes can see the details of objects. No matter how clear or accurate the image is, it is still a plan view image. Then how the eyes can provide the dimensional image is a key issue of providing the complete vision. But it is not an easy task at all to convert the flat view image into the dimensional one. For a long time, people have been puzzled by how the conversion is done. Of course, we later knew the smartness and delicacy of the human body shown here. The two eyes send the flat view images they receive into the same nerve center, which contrasts and analyzes the images and judges the distance of the objects based on the slight visual angle difference caused by the position difference of the two eyes. Thus the dimensional image is produced. That’s why people have to have 2 eyes to establish the complete vision. Based on such understanding, humans have invented the dimensional movies. But the above is only the external process of how vision is formed. People have little knowledge about how the visual center works inside. We have to admit that the mysteries of human body structure and functions are beyond the intelligence of mankind. As a matter of fact, the distance judgment with two eyes is the triangulation technique which is precise and automatic. The accurate measurement needs two premises. First, the two eyes must focus on one object at the same time. Otherwise, there will be double vision, which means the one objects will be seen as two objects. As a result, the complete neuromuscular system is equipped on the outside of the eyeballs, making the eyeballs the most flexible and accurate organs. The ciliary muscle inside the eyeballs can adjust the conversion rate of the crystal at any time to focus on the object and form the clearest image. Second, the retina of the two eyes must be strictly symmetrical. Otherwise, the image contrast of the two eyes will become impossible. Furthermore, the images received by the two eyes must be transmitted at the same time to the same visual center for contrast and analysis. There are two visual nerves on the left and right side of the brain, supervising respectively the two sides of the vision field. The objects in the left of the vision field are reflected, via the eye pupil, on the retina of the right sides of the two eyeballs. The corresponding images in the two eyes, via the visual nerve, are sent to the visual center on the right side of the brain. The objects in the right of the vision field are reflected, via the eye pupil, on the retina of the left sides of the two eyeballs. The corresponding images in the two eyes, via the visual nerve, are sent to the visual center on the left side of the brain. The two visual nerves contrast the corresponding images coming from the eyes and produce the full-field dimensional images. The pairs of human parts are often symmetrical on the outside. Only the retinas are symmetrical in the same position. Namely, the left side is symmetrical to the left side and the right side symmetrical to the right side of the two retinas. That’s because the light rays come in directly. Otherwise, the visual centers can’t receive the corresponding images or get the coordinated vision. The structural symmetry of the retinas in the two eyes must be accurate to the utmost. Otherwise the images in the two eyes will not comply with each other and the ambiguity will occur. Besides, the corresponding images from the two eyes must be sent to the same visual center. Thus the optic nerves must have the corresponding special structure to realize the cross-transmission of the images. This is the unique “chiasma opticum” unique to the optic nerves. This function is not possessed by any other nervus cerebrospinalis because they don’t handle the information of images and space. If we use the computers and monitoring cameras to simulate the process of human vision, the input network of the computers has to have a similar chiasm. No other design can do it. Judging from the above, we can find all the human organs, structures and functions have shown the supreme wisdom. And these are the ways they should be. Some people think that human body has some useless organs, such as the thymus gland, appendix, tonsil and coccyx, in order to prove the human structure is imperfect. Some people used to believe that these organs were not that useful. Instead, they tend to arouse diseases such as appendicitis and tonsillitis. If these organs are cut off, it will not have much impact on the human body. In the past, people used to classify spleens and other organs into the useless organs. There was a list of useless organs in the past which included over 100 organs. But the list was long not because these organs are useless but because people at the time were ignorant. As more we know about the organs, most of them have been deleted from the list and there are only a few still remain in the list. Some people think that these organs are the leftovers of human evolution, which are called the “waste back organs” and use them as one of the evidences of evolution theory. This is a complete misunderstanding. Till not we have understood there are no such things as the “obsolescent organs”. It is simply the lack of knowledge of these organs. Take the thymus gland as an example. In the past, people didn’t know its function. Now we have understood it is the warning device of the human body against the inner and outer infection sources. As a result, the thymus gland contributes a lot to the human health. Another example, if the coccyx fractures, it will cause serious functional disturbance. So the coccyx is also an imperative part of human body. Some people might say these organs can trigger diseases. Then all human organs can lead to diseases, even brain and heart are of no exceptions. Why don’t we say the brain and heart are useless? Some organs, though they are not as important as the heart and brain and wouldn’t endanger life immediately when eliminated, are also useful. Just like if the hands or feet are lost, though not fatal, the human body is handicapped. After knowing the supreme and smart design of human structures and functions, you might want to know how they come into being. Who has designed and made such sophisticated and precise organs? We cannot avoid the question. Any truth-seeking person would admit that the extremely delicate organs and structures are not produced naturally or accidently. For instance, if someone gives you a top-class camera and tells you it is a natural one without designer or manufacturer; do you think his words are scientific and acceptable? The human body, which is even more delicate, accurate, flexible and practical, must have a supremely wise and capable creator behind it. On a spring Sunday morning in 1954, I saw a young stranger sitting in the chamber of a Church. When we started to talk, I knew that he was a student at Peking Union Medical College. He said to me, “Since I studied anatomy and physiology, I have felt the human body is really a wonder. It is not possible to understand it unless we interpret the wonder with a God.” He came to the church to seek an answer. The wonder of this young man is not the only example. I remember that when I was studying anatomy and physiology in school, some students surrounded our physiology teacher and kept asking him questions. Finally, the teacher, annoyed by so many questions, told us, “Please stop the questions because they will lead to religion in the end.” Because of the special political background at the time, the teacher’s warning silenced all the students. But his warning impressed me deeply and remained in my memory till today. My thought at that time was that the teacher was right because all the things were created by the God. Though he was not a Christian, he had to admit the truth and the further probe into the human body mysteries (part of the Universe mysteries) would definitely lead to the existence of the God (religion) in the end. Otherwise, it would be impossible to explain the wonders of the human body. The Bible says, “For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse.”(1:20 Romans 1) Was the teacher demonstrating his scientific spirit? No. The scientific spirit means the truth and boldly pursuit of the truth without avoiding any controversy. The teacher knew very clearly that one more step forward would lead to the God but he dared not move onto the path towards the truth. Instead, he asked his students to stop there. It has shown that many people refuse to admit the existence of God not because they don’t have the scientific spirit but because of the social pressure, individual consideration for their interest and prospect, just as what the teacher was doing at that time. Nevertheless, the existence of the God would not change. And we cannot live in such considerations for the reality forever. One day in the future, when we have to face the ultimate choice, we will have to face the supreme master who has created the Universe and the human beings. The Bible says, “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment.” If we don’t accept the immoral God now, we have no excuse when it comes to the day. When we talk about the origin of all things in the Universe, some young people often ask, “You have said the humans are created by the God, then who has created the God?” The analogizing logics seem to be reasonable. But it is not true. Because the God is the creator instead of the created, you can’t link these together. The table is made by the carpenter. But you cannot say the carpenter and the table have the same origin. Human benings’ understand of the God is only limited to the enlightenment from the God to the humans. Otherwise, humans cannot understand the mystery of God’s nature. The God says, “I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.” (Exodus 3:14 and Revelation 1:8). For the God, there is only the eternality, and there is no time, beginning or ending. Even in the scientific field, too many analogizing questions won’t be tolerated. One scholar was talking about the belief in the God with his students. One student asked suddenly and proudly, “Where does the Universe come from?” The scholar answers, “The Universe is created by the God.” The student continued to ask, “Who has created the God?” The scholar answered, “The God is Alpha and Omega and I am not created.” The student said, “This is not scientific at all.” The scholar then asked the student, “Where does the Earth come from?” The student answered, “The Earth comes from the Sun.” The scholar continued to ask, “Where does the Sun come from?” The student answered, “The Sun comes from the Galaxy.” The scholar asked again, “Where does the Galaxy come from?” The student hesitated and answered, “The Galaxy comes from the nature.” The scholar continued to ask, “Where does the nature come from?” The student couldn’t answer this question and said in anger, “The nature is the nature and comes naturally.” The scholar then laughed, “This is not scientific at all.” So we can conclude that the “scientific” answers are not scientific. Another example is that the sciences tell people that substances are composed of the molecules. Then what are the molecules composed of? The molecules are composed of the atoms. But what are the atoms composed of? They are composed of the electrons, protons and neutrons. Then what are the electrons, protons and neutrons composed of? Till now, we cannot find an answer to this question. The atomic physicists are now working hard to find the “elementary particle”. They are called “basic particles” because the scientists don’t expect the substances to be divided limitlessly. So they believe that one day they will find the ultimate component, the “elementary particle”. Of course, the scientists will not ask such question of “what is something composed of?” This is the extremity and everything ends here. The materialists claim that the Universe is limitless and that the materials are eternal and can be divided limitlessly, etc. They are simply the groundless conclusion of the philosophers. And there is an extremity in their logics, the materials. They say that the materials are Alpha and Omega but can’t tell where the materials come from. Now let’s have a look at the math. All numbers come from 1, followed by 2, 3…. You can’t ask what the 1 is because 1 is 1, and not other numbers. It means that 1 is the origin of all numbers. The Greatest Creator has created all things and the Greatest Creator is the origin of them. It will be meaningless to ask where the Greatest Creator comes from.
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2024.05.19 10:57 jenajiejing The Secret of Human Bodies – Examples Proving the Existence of the Greatest Creator

The Secret of Human Bodies – Examples Proving the Existence of the Greatest Creator

Xue Feng

https://preview.redd.it/inye2mb6lc1d1.jpg?width=606&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=91a7161a35c1824c81442d04ca1efb17d2cbda20
Though the modern medicine has limited knowledge of human bodies, what we have known is enough for us to admire the excellent human body structure and functions. Each system and organ in the human body is designed by the Greatest Creator. Even those trivial body parts have great functions. For example, there are several types of hairs on human bodies with distinct forms and functions. The head hair is designed to protect and beautify the head. It can grow long. According to the Bible, “But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.” The eyebrows can divert sweat and rain, preventing them into the eyes. That’s why they are lined above the two eyes. Eyelashes can prevent the dust and other things from entering the eyes. That’s why they are lined on the sides of the eyelids. Also they stand forward in a special curve because it wouldn’t hinder the eyesight or pierce into the eyes when closing the eyes. If the eyebrows and eyelashes are too long, they will hinder the eyesight. That’s why they wouldn’t grow as long as the hair or beards. The nasal hairs can filter the inhaled air. That’s why they grow inside the nostril and stand sideways and outwards. If they stand inwards, the other things will find it easy to come into the nostrils and difficult to go out. The armpit hairs can prevent the partial friction and help the sweat evaporate. Without the armpit hairs, we have to raise our arms. Otherwise the skin under the arm will become inflamed because of the friction and moist. Required by the function, the armpit hairs cannot grow as long as the head hairs, or as short as the eyebrows. Besides, they are soft and curving. If they are rigid and coarse, they will hurt the skin. And cilia grow on the intestinal epithelium. The cilia grow downward and vibrate together. The vibrating waves move downward from upward to help move down the intestinal contents. Cilia also grow on the airway and bronchus epithelium. However, they grow and vibrate in the opposite direction as those on the intestinal epithelium. Only in this way can they move the sputum upward to the throat and spit them. If they grow downward, the airway and bronchus would get stuck by the sputum and the humans would die from it.
Now I wish to take two simple reflections of human bodies as an example. When foreign matters enter the nostrils or airways, they will arouse two protective reflections, sneeze or cough, which is designed to repel the foreign matters. But due to different situation, these two reflections differ in their approaches. The foreign matters in the nostrils are not urgent so the sneeze reflection can be prepared in a composed way. First, inhale slowly; open the mouth, and the soft place move upward to block the nostril. Then breathe in enough air through the mouth, and the pleural body contracts sharply to emit the air in the lungs quickly. When the emitting reaches its peak, the tongue rises abruptly to block the mouth to repel the air to go out swiftly through the nostrils. In this way the foreign matters in the nostrils are driven out. However, if the foreign matters enter the airway, it is an emergent situation. If the foreign matters are not driven out timely, the life will be put at risk. The inhaling is strictly forbidden because it will make the foreign matters go deeper and cause suffocation. So the cough doesn’t include the inhaling. Instead, the glottis closes immediately. At the same time, the pleural body contracts suddenly and adds the lung air pressure extremely. When the pressure is at its strongest point, the glottis opens suddenly and the lung air sends out explosively, compelling the foreign matters in the airway to the throat via the glottis. At this time, the soft place rises to block the nostrils. The foreign matters are spit out through the mouth. If the tongue and the soft place perform the same way as in the sneeze, the foreign matters emitted out of the airway will enter the nostrils, causing another trouble. In these two reflections, the body parts must cooperate closely. Any failure in the coordination will lead to the failure of the reflection, causing serious consequences. So these activities are not done freely. Instead, they are done as required by their functions and set procedures. These procedures are not learnt or practices. The program has been rooted in our brain nerve structure (nerve nucleus) when we are born. Otherwise, the babies will not survive.
The advanced computer science has made it possible to simulate these activities. However, the simulation requires 3 conditions: 1. Device simulating the inhale and exhaling of human mouth, nose, throat, pleural and the sensing device; 2. The central control equipment simulating nerves and body system (compute, input and output devices). The above two devices are hardware. And software is also needed, namely (3). A program composed in strict compliance with the requirements to control the performance and procedure of each link, and arrange them in perfect coordination. All the three conditions are imperative. Otherwise the reflections can’t be realized. The program itself is not a substance structure. Instead, it is a smart use and spiritual result. There will be no such a thing as the program without the smart use. So we have to ask, the program is composed by the humans and stored in the computer, how about the control program in the human brain. Is it also composed by someone and stored in the human brain? Sneeze and cough are the simplest examples. There are numerous automatically controlled physical, bio-chemical and pathological human body activities, which are even more sophisticated than reflections of cough. Even today, some of them remain mysteries to us. So how are these sophisticated control programs composed? And where do they come from?
Now let’s have a look at the sensory organs on human bodies. Why do we have two ears? The reason is that one ear is not able to identify the direction. With the ears lying on two sides of the head, the sound reaches the ears in sequence of time. Based on the slight receiving time difference, the brain can judge where the sound comes from. The auricle is the most outward component of the ear. It can introduce the sound into the external auditory canal. Within the auricle there is a thin layer of cartilage helping to retain the form of auricle, giving it wonderful elasticity and protecting it from the clashes. Without the cartilage, the auricle is just two useless pieces of skin hanging on the head side. If the thin bone is inside the auricle, it will break easily even if when you are sleeping on your side, damaging the auricle. There is fuzz on the outer segment of the external auditory canal preventing the sand and dust. The inner segment secretes cerumen to prevent insects. When foreign matters enter the external auditory canal, it will trigger head shaking, instead of sneeze or cough, to get the matters out. Because the external auditory canal is a blind passage, it is impossible to repel the foreign matters with air.
Why don’t the foreign matters in the nostrils arouse the head-shaking reflection to repel them? That’s because the nostrils of humans almost lie in the middle of the head. The shaking is not able to produce enough centrifugal force. Besides, the human nostrils face downward and it is improper to repel the foreign matters by shaking the head. The sound is produced by the mechanical vibration of objects and is transmitted by the air fluctuation, or the sound waves. The human ears are actually working like a precise mechanical vibration monitor. In the inner ear there are a number of keyboards with different sizes, producing nerve impulses produced by echoing with corresponding frequencies. The brain, in accordance with the features of these impulses, identifies the strength, tunes and timbre of the sounds.
We must note though there are many sensory organs in human bodies, only the inner ear is protected by the most solid and firm bones. In fact, it lies in the cave part of the temporal bone. Of all the sensory organs, only the ears monitor the mechanical vibration, which needs a relatively fixed position. Otherwise, it is not able to monitor the sound. If the inner ear lies in the soft tissues, when the sound wave arrives, the inner ear will vibrate with it. Thus it can hear nothing. Now the inner ear lies in the firm bone and it can’t sense the air vibration. So it is imperative to reduce the density waves to the mechanical vibrations before sending them to the inner ear. And there is such a reduction device at the middle bottom of the external auditory canal, which is called the eardrum. The eardrum has enough space to receive the air pressure. It is thin enough to vibrate when the sound wave arrives. Meanwhile, the eardrum is strong enough to push the transmission device. The long handle of the middle ear cartilage is attached to its inner side, the tensile force of which makes the eardrum sink inside slightly to maintain certain tension. This allows the eardrum to accurately reduce the arriving sound waves into the mechanical vibrations. No matter what the temperature is, the vibration function is not impacted. After the sound waves are reduced into the mechanical vibration, some rigid objects are needed to transmit the vibration to the inner ear. Of all body tissues, the most rigid objects are the bones. However, the bones are heavy in general and covered by the soft tissues, which are not suitable for the audio vibration. However, in the tympanic cavity between the eardrum and the inner ear, there are three unique tiny bones with delicate forms measured in millimeters. They are almost completely exposed to the air in the tympanic cavity. These three tiny bones are connected by ligament and form a transmission chain in curve with excellent audio vibration function, able to transmit accurately the vibration of the eardrum to the inner ear. The transmission device can properly multiply the weak vibration and reduce the strong sound wave. All of these structures are the super designs required by the acoustics.
There are even smarter designs in the hearing organ. For example, to make the eardrum vibrate freely following the arriving sound waves, the two sides of the eardrums must be exposed to the air. As a result, there is a tympanic cavity full of air in the middle ear. If the cavity is filled by liquids, just as other cavities are, the eardrum is not able to vibrate because the liquids can’t contract. Besides, the cavity does not only need to be filled with air, but also needs to be connected to the outside world with a proper passage, to balance the static air pressure in the cavity with the outside air pressure. Otherwise, the air in the cavity will gradually be absorbed, causing the eardrum to sink excessively or damaging it. When the outside air pressure changes, (such as in mountain climbing, diving, the airplane takeoff or climate change), it will arouse uncomfortable feelings or lead to hearing malfunction. But the middle ear can’t be opened to the outside world directly, just like the external auditory canal or nostrils can. The reason is that the direct exposure will make the arriving waving sound reach the two sides of the eardrums at the same time via the external auditory canal and middle ear passage, counteracting the sound pressure. Thus the eardrums will not vibrate at all, unable to produce the hearing. So it is a difficult problem to connect the middle ear and the outside world. However, the human body, with a smart design, solves this problem. The middle ear is opened at the two sides in the upper rear of the pharynx via a half-opened passage (the so-called auditory tube). The auditory tube is locked in common times and only opened temporarily when taking the swallowing actions, balancing the air pressure in the middle ear shortly. After the swallowing action is over, the auditory tube is locked again. Apart from eating, human body would regularly take swallowing action unconsciously, even when he or she is sleeping. Thus the air pressure in the middle ear can be adjusted from time to time and avoid the hearing from being hindered. Besides, when swallowing, the swallowing segment and the soft palate will definitely rise, blocking the mouth and nostrils against the outside world. So on the moment when the ear and throat are opened shortly, though the air in the throat can enter the middle ear, the sound waves from the outside world are blocked against the middle ear. As a result, the hearing will not be interfered and can receive the outside sound and voice. Only the throat in the body can meet the special demand of the hearing organs. The throat is originally designed as part of the digestion and breathing system, it does not belong to sensory system. However, it can cooperate so smartly with the hearing organs. We have to admire the extremely delicate body-wise design.
The vestibule in the inner ear controls the balance of the body. In the vestibule there are 3 semicircular canals. When the body loses balance, the mutually-vertical semicircular canals produce the balance impulse, which triggers the corresponding reflection via the balance center in the medulla brain. Why are there 3 semicircular canals instead of 2 or 4? And why are they mutually vertical? The reason is apparent. Humans live in the 3-dimensional space. There are 3 mutually-vertical movement directions, namely, front and rear, left and right, upward and downward. So the 3 mutually-vertical semicircular canals can monitor the movements. The number less than 3 or more than 3 would be insufficient or redundant. We can see the delicate and smart structure and function, and the supreme wisdom in them. They can’t be the accidental results.
As the most important perception of human bodies, vision provides more information than that provided by all other perceptions. The vision is the perception of image and space and the visual organs must have the most precise and accurate structure completely different from other sensory organs. As a result, in the perspective of the embryo-genesis or neuro-anatomy, the main structure of the eyes is not just the common receptor. Instead, it is part of the cerebral cortex. The so-called optic nerves are completely different from other cerebrospinal nerves. In essence, the optic nerves are inner structure in the brain, transmitting the most sophisticated visual information. The eyes function like a precise camera. The retina composed of the photoreceptor cells is just like the films. The crystal, iris and the cornea works like the lens, diaphragm and the filter. However, the precision and automatic adjustment of the eyes is no match of any high-quality cameras. For example, the lens in modern cameras is made of special glass or hard plastics with fixed focal distance. When taking pictures for the landscapes with different distances, the lens position must be adjusted. Otherwise, the image will not be produced on the films. But this is an awkward approach. Imagine when the eyes are watching landscapes with different distances, the eyeballs have to protrude or recess alternatively, which looks ugly or damages the health and function of the eyes. However, the crystal in the eyes are transparent and elastic colloid, which can adjust automatically the focal distance in accordance with the distance of the objects to make sure all the objects can be imaged on the retina, without changing the position of the crystal. Such automatic adjustment function can’t be fulfilled by any camera.
If we observe the eyes in the perspective of modern TV technologies, the eyes are more like the television camera, but thousands of times more precise than the television cameras. The TV image is composed of dense pixels (the mixed dark or brilliant light spots). Till now, the best TV image only contains less than 1 million pixels. However, the human eyes can produce image containing 20 billion pixels. Only the eyes can see the details of objects. No matter how clear or accurate the image is, it is still a plan view image. Then how the eyes can provide the dimensional image is a key issue of providing the complete vision. But it is not an easy task at all to convert the flat view image into the dimensional one. For a long time, people have been puzzled by how the conversion is done. Of course, we later knew the smartness and delicacy of the human body shown here. The two eyes send the flat view images they receive into the same nerve center, which contrasts and analyzes the images and judges the distance of the objects based on the slight visual angle difference caused by the position difference of the two eyes. Thus the dimensional image is produced. That’s why people have to have 2 eyes to establish the complete vision. Based on such understanding, humans have invented the dimensional movies. But the above is only the external process of how vision is formed. People have little knowledge about how the visual center works inside. We have to admit that the mysteries of human body structure and functions are beyond the intelligence of mankind.
As a matter of fact, the distance judgment with two eyes is the triangulation technique which is precise and automatic. The accurate measurement needs two premises. First, the two eyes must focus on one object at the same time. Otherwise, there will be double vision, which means the one objects will be seen as two objects. As a result, the complete neuromuscular system is equipped on the outside of the eyeballs, making the eyeballs the most flexible and accurate organs. The ciliary muscle inside the eyeballs can adjust the conversion rate of the crystal at any time to focus on the object and form the clearest image. Second, the retina of the two eyes must be strictly symmetrical. Otherwise, the image contrast of the two eyes will become impossible. Furthermore, the images received by the two eyes must be transmitted at the same time to the same visual center for contrast and analysis. There are two visual nerves on the left and right side of the brain, supervising respectively the two sides of the vision field. The objects in the left of the vision field are reflected, via the eye pupil, on the retina of the right sides of the two eyeballs. The corresponding images in the two eyes, via the visual nerve, are sent to the visual center on the right side of the brain. The objects in the right of the vision field are reflected, via the eye pupil, on the retina of the left sides of the two eyeballs. The corresponding images in the two eyes, via the visual nerve, are sent to the visual center on the left side of the brain. The two visual nerves contrast the corresponding images coming from the eyes and produce the full-field dimensional images. The pairs of human parts are often symmetrical on the outside. Only the retinas are symmetrical in the same position. Namely, the left side is symmetrical to the left side and the right side symmetrical to the right side of the two retinas. That’s because the light rays come in directly. Otherwise, the visual centers can’t receive the corresponding images or get the coordinated vision. The structural symmetry of the retinas in the two eyes must be accurate to the utmost. Otherwise the images in the two eyes will not comply with each other and the ambiguity will occur. Besides, the corresponding images from the two eyes must be sent to the same visual center. Thus the optic nerves must have the corresponding special structure to realize the cross-transmission of the images. This is the unique “chiasma opticum” unique to the optic nerves. This function is not possessed by any other nervus cerebrospinalis because they don’t handle the information of images and space. If we use the computers and monitoring cameras to simulate the process of human vision, the input network of the computers has to have a similar chiasm. No other design can do it. Judging from the above, we can find all the human organs, structures and functions have shown the supreme wisdom. And these are the ways they should be.
Some people think that human body has some useless organs, such as the thymus gland, appendix, tonsil and coccyx, in order to prove the human structure is imperfect. Some people used to believe that these organs were not that useful. Instead, they tend to arouse diseases such as appendicitis and tonsillitis. If these organs are cut off, it will not have much impact on the human body. In the past, people used to classify spleens and other organs into the useless organs. There was a list of useless organs in the past which included over 100 organs. But the list was long not because these organs are useless but because people at the time were ignorant. As more we know about the organs, most of them have been deleted from the list and there are only a few still remain in the list. Some people think that these organs are the leftovers of human evolution, which are called the “waste back organs” and use them as one of the evidences of evolution theory. This is a complete misunderstanding. Till not we have understood there are no such things as the “obsolescent organs”. It is simply the lack of knowledge of these organs. Take the thymus gland as an example. In the past, people didn’t know its function. Now we have understood it is the warning device of the human body against the inner and outer infection sources. As a result, the thymus gland contributes a lot to the human health. Another example, if the coccyx fractures, it will cause serious functional disturbance. So the coccyx is also an imperative part of human body. Some people might say these organs can trigger diseases. Then all human organs can lead to diseases, even brain and heart are of no exceptions. Why don’t we say the brain and heart are useless? Some organs, though they are not as important as the heart and brain and wouldn’t endanger life immediately when eliminated, are also useful. Just like if the hands or feet are lost, though not fatal, the human body is handicapped.
After knowing the supreme and smart design of human structures and functions, you might want to know how they come into being. Who has designed and made such sophisticated and precise organs? We cannot avoid the question. Any truth-seeking person would admit that the extremely delicate organs and structures are not produced naturally or accidently. For instance, if someone gives you a top-class camera and tells you it is a natural one without designer or manufacturer; do you think his words are scientific and acceptable? The human body, which is even more delicate, accurate, flexible and practical, must have a supremely wise and capable creator behind it.
On a spring Sunday morning in 1954, I saw a young stranger sitting in the chamber of a Church. When we started to talk, I knew that he was a student at Peking Union Medical College. He said to me, “Since I studied anatomy and physiology, I have felt the human body is really a wonder. It is not possible to understand it unless we interpret the wonder with a God.” He came to the church to seek an answer. The wonder of this young man is not the only example. I remember that when I was studying anatomy and physiology in school, some students surrounded our physiology teacher and kept asking him questions. Finally, the teacher, annoyed by so many questions, told us, “Please stop the questions because they will lead to religion in the end.” Because of the special political background at the time, the teacher’s warning silenced all the students. But his warning impressed me deeply and remained in my memory till today. My thought at that time was that the teacher was right because all the things were created by the God. Though he was not a Christian, he had to admit the truth and the further probe into the human body mysteries (part of the Universe mysteries) would definitely lead to the existence of the God (religion) in the end. Otherwise, it would be impossible to explain the wonders of the human body. The Bible says, “For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse.”(1:20 Romans 1) Was the teacher demonstrating his scientific spirit? No. The scientific spirit means the truth and boldly pursuit of the truth without avoiding any controversy. The teacher knew very clearly that one more step forward would lead to the God but he dared not move onto the path towards the truth. Instead, he asked his students to stop there. It has shown that many people refuse to admit the existence of God not because they don’t have the scientific spirit but because of the social pressure, individual consideration for their interest and prospect, just as what the teacher was doing at that time. Nevertheless, the existence of the God would not change. And we cannot live in such considerations for the reality forever. One day in the future, when we have to face the ultimate choice, we will have to face the supreme master who has created the Universe and the human beings. The Bible says, “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment.” If we don’t accept the immoral God now, we have no excuse when it comes to the day.
When we talk about the origin of all things in the Universe, some young people often ask, “You have said the humans are created by the God, then who has created the God?” The analogizing logics seem to be reasonable. But it is not true. Because the God is the creator instead of the created, you can’t link these together. The table is made by the carpenter. But you cannot say the carpenter and the table have the same origin. Human benings’ understand of the God is only limited to the enlightenment from the God to the humans. Otherwise, humans cannot understand the mystery of God’s nature. The God says, “I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.” (Exodus 3:14 and Revelation 1:8). For the God, there is only the eternality, and there is no time, beginning or ending.
Even in the scientific field, too many analogizing questions won’t be tolerated. One scholar was talking about the belief in the God with his students. One student asked suddenly and proudly, “Where does the Universe come from?” The scholar answers, “The Universe is created by the God.” The student continued to ask, “Who has created the God?” The scholar answered, “The God is Alpha and Omega and I am not created.” The student said, “This is not scientific at all.” The scholar then asked the student, “Where does the Earth come from?” The student answered, “The Earth comes from the Sun.” The scholar continued to ask, “Where does the Sun come from?” The student answered, “The Sun comes from the Galaxy.” The scholar asked again, “Where does the Galaxy come from?” The student hesitated and answered, “The Galaxy comes from the nature.” The scholar continued to ask, “Where does the nature come from?” The student couldn’t answer this question and said in anger, “The nature is the nature and comes naturally.” The scholar then laughed, “This is not scientific at all.” So we can conclude that the “scientific” answers are not scientific. Another example is that the sciences tell people that substances are composed of the molecules. Then what are the molecules composed of? The molecules are composed of the atoms. But what are the atoms composed of? They are composed of the electrons, protons and neutrons. Then what are the electrons, protons and neutrons composed of? Till now, we cannot find an answer to this question. The atomic physicists are now working hard to find the “elementary particle”. They are called “basic particles” because the scientists don’t expect the substances to be divided limitlessly. So they believe that one day they will find the ultimate component, the “elementary particle”. Of course, the scientists will not ask such question of “what is something composed of?” This is the extremity and everything ends here. The materialists claim that the Universe is limitless and that the materials are eternal and can be divided limitlessly, etc. They are simply the groundless conclusion of the philosophers. And there is an extremity in their logics, the materials. They say that the materials are Alpha and Omega but can’t tell where the materials come from. Now let’s have a look at the math. All numbers come from 1, followed by 2, 3…. You can’t ask what the 1 is because 1 is 1, and not other numbers. It means that 1 is the origin of all numbers. The Greatest Creator has created all things and the Greatest Creator is the origin of them. It will be meaningless to ask where the Greatest Creator comes from.
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2024.05.19 09:15 Jays_1100 I (19F) am struggling to figure out my relationship with my boyfriend(19M). What do you think I should do?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 7 months. We met in college and after a little while he ended up asking me out. We are both freshman but in different majors. He’s a genuinely nice guy, it’s just recently, I struggle to see him as a boyfriend, rather more of just a friend and have kinda been questioning our relationship. We live multiple states away and I don’t know if I can do long distance while still being excited to see each other. My friends at home have told me to just wait it out, but in all honestly, it’s been two weeks into summer break and calling him, rather than making me happy to see/talk to him, has started to just wear me out. We try to call almost night and I’ve tried to think of different things to talk about or games we can play during the day or on call, but none of them have seemed to work when we tried them over other school breaks.
Also, as of now, we have very different plans for our futures. We have a few years till we graduate, but if we struggle with long distance and want to live hours away from each other after school anyway, what’s best to do now? Plan can always change, but for now we both seem pretty dead set on what we want to do.
I know I should talk to him about how I’ve been feeling and the doubts I’ve been having, but I just can’t see him taking it well. If I still have these thoughts and feelings for another few weeks, I will probably bring it up so we can talk about it together.
Here’s where another main issue is. We have the same main group of friends, which was all very close this last semester. There’s 5 of us in all and it’s a rather small school. It’s been brought up multiple times how cute we are as a couple and how sad it would be for the friend group if we broke up. I am scared about what would happen if we did break up, and I just can’t not think about how awkward that would make everyone else feel as well.
I genuinely can’t tell if I ever really liked him romantically in the first place or if it was just first semester of college chaos and he was just there and comforting me during that. I don’t want to hurt him but I am having so many doubts right now. Either way I’m planning to wait a few weeks to see if anything changes, but please let me know your opinions. I just don’t feel like I can really talk to any one of my friends who actually saw us together, since they’re all his friends too. What do you think I should do?
Edit: I would also like to mention that he really helped me out first semester for a bit more background. I ended up with a pretty bad first roommate who just wasn’t very good. She was either always there with a boyfriend, or not there at all. And when she was there, she would always have her back to me or just wouldn’t talk or say anything directly to me. During the first few weeks I was struggling to make friends and socialize with people. I just was not really doing well mentally. I started to just sleep for large amounts of the day because it made me feel a bit better. I met two people from my sports team first(F19 and F18) who then led me to meet my boyfriend. After a few weeks he and his roommate allowed me to go to his room whenever I wanted since mine had pretty much become uncomfortable to me anytime she was in there.
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2024.05.19 08:54 RefrigeratorTop8495 My best friend, my sister, is spending less and less time with me and I wish it didn't hurt so much.

It sometimes makes me feel immature that I'm almost out of college and don't have any good friends other than my sister. Most people find some best friend outside of their family, but I just haven't been able to. I've had some close friends in the past but they've all either grown distant or grew to be very different in a bad way, going down extremist or disturbing paths (severe sex addict, extreme conservative, etc)
Even still, I feel lucky that I have been able to have a sister that has always been kind and close to me. However for the past few years, she's been increasingly spending less time with me. She has a boyfriend that she almost always prefers being with, and even when in my company, she's often texting him or playing games with him, sometimes when I'm even directly talking to her. Sometimes she does spend time with me and it's very fun and exciting, but those times are becoming increasingly rarer. It makes me sad that she doesn't feel as close as I feel towards her. I don't have anyone that I can tell this to other than my parents, who basically say 'just get over it, you can't control her'. I know that's probably the right answer, but it doesn't stop it from feeling any worse.
My thought is to find other friends, but it's difficult. I have both a part time job as well as college. For my job, I'm currently in a profession where talking with other people is very minimal and it's all online. People say that college is where you can discover lots of friends, but no friendships have been able to stick despite me reaching out to them to try to chat. Those conversations feel forced and don't last long. I can easily fill my time up with other things like working, hobbies, and games, but I feel empty and sad after a few months of talking to nobody but my parents and my online friends who I'm not very close to other than just sending memes occasionally or me listening to them rant about their awful lives (Ironic right now, yeah..)
I know that realistically my sister will live her own life with her boyfriend and stop talking to me as much as she does, and thinking of that feels awful. She's already deep into the process of doing that, but the inconsistency makes it hard. Sometimes she's very close and things are awesome, and other times she's avoiding me and spending all day talking to her boyfriend. I don't know what to do and it's hard to get over it. I can't talk to her about it either because I've done so already, and she either gets annoyed at me, or her only response is "okay" with an uncaring expression and doesn't want to change anything. Even still, I'm glad that at least my parents are kind enough to spend time with me doing things like watching movies, but in the end they're parents and I can't stop thinking about how one day they will die and I'll be alone, desperately trying to make friends while my sister is off married and living with some guy and avoiding me.
Thanks for reading, I can't stop thinking of this dumb stuff. Maybe some of you can relate with the 'best friend becoming distant' part. If you have any advice as for what has helped you, I'm eager to hear it.
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2024.05.19 08:47 mangoluvaa Has anyone been the scape-goat of your family? If so, were you able to heal from it?

26F. Scapegoat and black sheep of my family. The only one that has been clinically diagnosed with depression and cptsd. The only person in therapy. I'm going to try to summarize my experience and hopefully use this post as a means of cathartic release. **Trigger warning: physical abuse & suicidal ideation.**
I come from an immigrant family - from a bloodline with immense war and intergenerational trauma. I have an older brother and younger sister (yup, I'm the middle child too lol). My sister is the baby of the family and the absolute cherished one. We lacked stability growing up, and moved around a lot. My parents divorced when I was in my teens.
My dad was extremely physically, emotionally, & verbally abusive growing up. My dad beat my brother as a kid into his teens. Then in turn, my brother physically and verbally abused me. Once my brother moved out, I was the one abused by my dad. My mom mainly stayed in a state of neutrality and sometimes partook in the verbal abuse. There was no such thing as conflict-resolution or logical thinking & communication. It was a vicious cycle of anger > screaming profanities, insults, & threats > throwing things > physical violence > ignoring each other for a few days > normalcy. Then the cycle repeats itself.
I was the child that never pretended everything was okay. I voiced the abuse happening in the family, and consistently tried to get all of us to sensibly communicate with each other so we could actually come to some sort of resolution. The outcome was always hostility and no accountability.
This in turn made me the scapegoat. I didn't learn that this was even a legitimate term until only a few years ago. One day out of desperation, I just typed my experience into the google search bar and numerous articles about family scapegoats came up. I was constantly blamed for the wrong-doings of my dad, brother, and sister. Anytime I was involved in conflict with them, I would be always told "everyone in this family hates you" "you're the reason this family is broken", even though I was the one that would NEVER partake in any type of verbal or physical abuse onto anyone. I never initiated conflict first, if anything I ran away from it. I never understood why everything was my fault and thought I was going absolutely crazy growing up.
My brother loved to torment me. He's 5 years older than me and twice my size. He once sat on top of me and tried to suffocate me with his legs, and as defense I scratched him with my nails because how else was a tiny 16 year old girl supposed to defend herself in that situation. Somehow, I was mainly blamed for it. Years later, he would go around showing our family members the scratch scars he got from me and made me out to be "crazy" one, without ever mentioning why I scratched him in the first place. I ran away to my room one time and locked the door. He broke down the door and pushed my dresser over, knowing that it would fall on top of me but luckily I dodged it just in time. I tried to seek refuge with a male cousin of mine and my god-family, and he would try to sever those connections I had. Saying I was gossiping about our family to other family members, that I was lying to them about him, etc.
My little sister thrived as her role of being the baby of the family and harbored all the affection & support from my parents. She would steal my things growing up and literally sell them online. She let her friends take my things. I let go of very racist friends in high school, and she befriended them after. She pursued my ex-boyfriends. She posted a humiliating video of me to her twitter, and it went viral online. She tried to sabotage a connection I had with a boy by sending him extremely embarrassing photos of me. She would steal my things, I would bring it up to one of my parents, and somehow I was blamed for it for causing "drama". One time my dad was getting hostile and violent with me, and I saw her standing there just smiling as it was unfolding.
All of this made me suicidal at 15. And I've struggled with on and off suicidal ideation up until now. I finally sought professional and medical help at 25 for my mental health and started medication & therapy. My parents failed my brother and I and never gave us any proper guidance - therefore we never finished college and now struggling in adulthood. They did better with my little sister. She's never had to endure any abuse, and now she's very much the golden child/favorite. She's finishing college and gets full financial and emotional support from my parents. It's as if they failed and gave up on me and my brother and left us to fend for ourselves, and put all their love & support in molding my little sister. I've severed ties with my brother, and I minimize contact with my sister and parents as much as possible. Now, I am demonized by them for setting these boundaries.
Although I've created my own identity and independent life from my family, these wounds continue to impact me. These wounds came up out of nowhere recently and I've been feeling so hindered by it. Especially now in adulthood, and feeling so behind in life. I struggle with immense self-hatred and have trouble with human connection. I am struggling with life direction and finances now. Just existing is so difficult. I try to perceive the hardships I've endured as fuel for empowerment and personal success, but in reality I don't have the mental fortitude and it just tears me down. Some part of me just doesn't want to exist anymore and another part of me just wants to move out of the country and start a new life, away from all my family and ties to my childhood.
Scapegoats -- were you able to heal from it? Does it get better and how are you able to deal with it? How are you doing now? Anyway, thank you for reading all that. Anything would help at this point.
submitted by mangoluvaa to CPTSD [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 08:46 Level_Report1261 My (22F) bf (21M) pretends to be misogynistic as a joke but I’m starting to think he’s using it as a way to diminish my concern on societal issues. Am I thinking too much into this?

Apologies for this convoluted mess of a post, I’m in a pretty high emotional state and just wanted some second opinions.
First thing you should know, I have always been incredibly passionate about societal issues involving all aspects of life. Whether that be racism, classism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, etc.. I am a white woman from a developed country and I recognise the privilege that I have and I ensure I do not take away the voice of minorities but simply find ways to advocate and amplify those voices and to continuously educate myself to be culturally aware and sensitive. I’m trying my best in doing what I can.
That being said, I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and he has known this about me since the beginning (also my bf is white).
Now, when I say “pretend to be a misogynist”, I honestly was the first one to really use this as a joke. For example, when I would come across a TikTok of a guy on a podcast saying that men have the capacity and right to cheat but women cannot because they get too emotionally involved, I would show my bf the clip and say “No because he’s spitting straight facts and why stop there? Women are emotional creatures and men are rational thinkers, which is why men don’t cry. If you’re in touch with your emotions, you’re a pussy.” Basically just some exaggerated bullshit that I would say in a sarcastic tone to really highlight how laughable these ideologies are.
He loved this and thought it was hilarious so he started to use the joke as well. He began to use it so frequently that at one point I jokingly said “I’m starting to think that you’re beginning to believe the shit you’re saying.” To which he doubled down and said “Oh no, you’ve caught me” and laughed it off. A little red flag was risen in my mind but I shrugged it off and reminded myself that I was in fact the one to introduce him to the joke.
Recently, I’ve been really struggling with my anxiety and depression due to everything that’s going on in the world and how it feels like we are progressing backwards as a society at times. I have had to take frequent breaks off of social media because of the bigotry I kept frequenting in TikTok comments and it would send me down a spiral of losing hope in humanity essentially (I know this is a showcase of my privilege to be ignorant, but I had to make the difficult choice of putting my mental health first).
I became quite sensitive to any sort of bigotry and asked my bf if we could at least pause with “pretend to be a misogynist” jokes as in my vulnerable state these ideologies were no longer laughable but frightening. He seemed confused as to how that would help but agreed.
Now to the event that caused me to question my bf’s intentions when making these jokes. Harrison Butker infamously made his commencement speech recently spouting traditional ideologies of a woman’s role as a homemaker under the guise of religion. This of course irked me and made me so incredibly upset for the women in the graduating class that had just worked their butts off for 4 years that had to sit and listen to this man that their greatest accomplishment in life will be when they become a wife and mother.
I of course shared this to my bf, saying how utterly disappointed I am that an influential figure can openly make these statements and think nothing wrong of it. In this moment, I truly just wanted him to share in my disappointment and disgust. Instead, he replies with “King shit 🤴”. I gave him another chance by asking “Don’t you think it’s foul that people still think this way? That a woman should amount to no more than a homemaker?” He replies with “He’s speaking his truth.”
I know I should have communicated my frustration but I just didn’t have the energy to start an argument over text. And frankly, I started to go into another one of my dissociative spirals where I was picking apart previous times my bf has made these sorts of jokes and I have given him the chance to express his actual concern on these sorts of issues but he always just sorts of doubles down on the joke and moves on in the convo giving me the clear signal that he doesn’t want to discuss this sort of thing anymore. Even though he knows how passionate I am with societal issues and particularly in this present moment with how it is actually affecting my mental health.
And to add fuel to the fire, whilst I HIGHLY don’t recommend comparing your relationship to those that you see online I had come across a TikTok of a woman showing her husband the speech and him immediately expressing his concern and disdain.
Is it all my doing since I started the joke so he thinks it’s okay? Am I thinking too deeply in thinking that he continuously brushes off any sort of discussion about societal issues? How do I approach him about my concern without him instantly denying and shutting it down?
TLDR: My (22F) bf (21M) agreed with Harrison Butker’s speech as a “joke” even though I asked him to stop making these kinds of jokes.
submitted by Level_Report1261 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 08:41 Silent_Radio5410 I cut ties with my ex best friend.

A few years ago during that time when I was in high school, me and my ex friend went to different schools, I wanted to go to the same school as her but I couldn't since it was too far.
I told her that I couldn't go to the same school but she told me she was glad I didn't go to the same place as her because if I did, me and her wouldn't be friends at all.
You know the reason why she said that? She said if I went there, other people would take me away from her and that she would hate me which I found that stupid. Fast forward a few years later I had a boyfriend during college (he's now an ex) When I went out to town with my family, she called to me crying (while I was in a resturant) because apparently I've been ghosting her and ignoring her saying I've been too busy to even talk.
During this time I was struggling with my mental health, my relationship and college, She would start arguments with me saying I don't have time for her, not texting back saying I'm drifting away from her. Not to mention she wrote a poem about me(I have the poem on my phone) , I didn't know what to say and she asked you're not mad I wrote a poem about you? You won't sue me right?
And I was like it's fine but in my head it wasn't fine. She would make it about herself, I listened to her constantly complaining and she would trauma dump the past. She brought up the fact I didn't turn up to choir practice while I was getting bullied.
She blamed me for that not the girl who bullied me, not to mention she and the bully were friends on Facebook, the girl who bullied me would talk trash about me to her and she would tell me the horrible things the bully said about me, I was so hurt and betrayed yet I still kept her as a friend.
2 years go by and this was before Covid hit, the day she arrived I took her to my dance practice so she could watch before my day. She complained saying that she's tired, didn't take her meds, telling me she wasted her money to come visit me. I was embarrassed when she was having a tantrum infront of everyone that I had to take her somewhere else.
It felt like a burning iron everytime she complained I was flustered and I felt tired just by listening to her. On the evening the day before my birthday party, there was no food at the house since my mother was busy preparing for my debut. She hasnt eaten food or taken her meds but blamed me again, so we both had to walk to mcdonalds in the evening around 8pm just for her to eat.
The day of my birthday party, everything was going well, I introduced her to my college friends and others but after the party we went back to our rooms getting ready for bed, she asked me why didn't you introduce me to those boys? Why didn't you spend time with me? I didn't know what to say anymore because I was tired genuinely that we didn't talk until morning.
Then after a few days I haven't heard from her, She was talking to one of my guy friends but the thing is she would only talk to me if she had problems with him and would come crying in call and texting me about it. I have been reassuring her every time she had problems with my guy friend and it was tiring, he even mentioned to me she was controlling and bossy and he was right .
I never complained about anything between me and her but she wanted to make problems that I didn't talk to her or wasn't talking to her enough, I gave her space and I gave myself space but she still complained why I didn't message her but I did several times but in other days I wouldn't talk to her because I was scared.
I never talked about my mental problems and my trauma with my SA past to her because she'll make me feel worse and trauma dump and mention the past about me leaving her repeatedly when I was bullied by the same girl she was friends with.
I wanted to cut ties with her but I was afraid that she will get mad at me because she had issues with her behaviour for always getting angry and shouting at me when we get into an argument in call and would blame me.
But I was genuinely afraid at the same time losing my only friend because I had no one else to talk to. After a month or two I was messaging her and she brought up the vaccine topic, during that time she was a student nurse and I didn't really want to talk about it but she insisted telling me I should take the vaccine. If I didn't take it apparently I would affect her "family, friends and patients" but what about me? What am I to her? Me and her live in different cities 1 hr away from each other, so how can I affect them if I live so far away? That doesn't make sense.
She told me If I didn't take it she told me people would think I'm a dirty pest and a scumbag.
I was so done, honestly so done after she posted our private conversation on her private story but apparently she deleted it afterwards just for me to see? Not sure if I believe that. I blocked her on every social media and after that I felt better, the heavy burden I held for so long was gone. I was happier without her.
I never even got birthday gifts from her even when I gave hers every year so I stopped gifting her. I wasted 9 years of friendship and stopped trusting people after that.
submitted by Silent_Radio5410 to ExBestFriends [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 07:47 Practical-Check-6996 Do you guys believe in your gut feelings?

I just got invited to a party tomorrow night by an old colleague of my who's a good friend of mine. They've booked an apartment in London to have the party and there's like 9 people coming excluding me. She first told me to really come because she wanted to link me up with another guy of mine who'd take good care of me and shower me with money when she knows I'm taken, then I reminded her I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend, she then asks me to send a video of myself because the guys want to see what I look like before I get there so I send it to her since I trust her but I still thought it was weird since they're going to see me anyways.
The party starts at 10pm tomorrow and it's overnight, she insisted that I come and said stuff like don't let your boyfriend tell you what to do and idk I just felt really weird, I asked her if my boyfriend can drop me off and she goes yh as long as he doesn't come it's fine cuz it'll be weird otherwise.
All of a sudden maybe I'm just overthinking but I had a sudden gut feeling that I shouldn't go and it wouldn't be safe for me to go. I don't know anyone there apart from her. I've never had such a gut feeling of danger before but it's gone now but I don't know if I should still go.
My mind kept telling me something terrible might happen or I might get killed lol.
Should I go or not?
P.s After a few hours my boyfriend calls me telling me he had a dream that I got beaten up by a group and killed in a separate dream?? He wasn't sure if it was me so..
submitted by Practical-Check-6996 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 07:23 Eastern-Ability-2894 John Kreese is the most tragic character in the whole Karate Kid/Cobra Kai Universe.

John Kreese is the most tragic character in the whole Karate Kid/Cobra Kai Universe.
In the Karate kid and Cobra Kai Universe, John Kreese has the most tragic life story ever. In my opinion he is also one of the most tragic characters in film/tv history.
Kreese grew up without a father and had a mentally ill mother who sadly killed herself when he was a young man of only 19 years old, leaving young Kreese to fend for himself. To add more tragedy to an already tragic loss, he was constantly bullied by others because of his mother's actions. Eventually things in life started to look more promising for Kreese as one day in 1965 he met a beautiful young lady named Betsy while working as a bus boy at a diner. After witnessing Betsy's then boyfriend David abusing her, Kreese stepped in to save her, beating up David and his friend, Kreese then offered Betsy a ride home which she happily accepted with a big smile to Kreese.
For the next couple of years Kreese and Betsy dated, they adored each other so much and were madly in love, eventually he left her and headed to basic training for the US Army. Kreese said his goodbyes to the love of his life, Betsy, along with a few kisses, promising to not only return home to her but also that he'll come back a hero. By 1968 Kreese was already in Vietnam serving, he quickly gained a reputation for basically having a death wish, a reputation which caught the attention of Captain George Turner who was putting together a Special Task Force Unit, after meeting Turner, Kreese joined his unit, choosing his good friends Ponytail and Twig, aka Terry Silver to also join the group. Captain Tuner was a Korean War veteran who learned Tang Soo-Do from Master Kim Sun-Yung of South Korea. Turner taught Kreese, Silver and Ponytail many aspects of warfare including hand to hand combat. During that time though Turner would often berate Kreese for his inability to shed his humanity during physical confrontations, as Kreese was still fighting with mercy. During a sparring match with Turner, Kreese landed a good punch on him, but he briefly lowered his guard which Turner immediately took advantage of, sending Kreese to the ground. Turner went on to explain that it's either kill or be killed and that you never have second thoughts or hestiate and you show your enemy no mercy.
Soon after Kreese pulled out a picture of Betsy, a photograph which she had sent him earlier on and while looking at her photo, Kreese said that he'll be home soon, but tragically that would never happen as Betsy was already gone by that point, passing away in a fatal car accident. Though Captain Turner did receive a letter that said she had tragically passed away but he never told Kreese or even gave him that letter. Later on during a mission to eliminate a Viet Cong encampment, Silvers radio erupted, giving away their position to the enemy, Turner ordered Kreese to detonate the explosive charge which Ponytail had just set but Kreese hesitated as Ponytail was still in the blast radius. Ponytail tried to run away but was caught by some Vietnamese soldiers who knocked him to the ground. The rest of the unit was then captured as well with Ponytail being executed right in front of them soon after. For the next year or so Kreese, Silver and Turner plus the rest of the unit were subjected to numerous methods of torture including being locked inside a bamboo cage and being forced to fight one another to the death on a platform suspended above a pit full of snakes, all for the amusement of the Vietnamese soldiers.
Sometime in 1969, Captain Turner and Terry Silver were chosen to fight each other but Kreese decided to take Silver's spot and fight their Captain instead. Turner who still hadn't forgiven Kreese for his actions in getting all of them captured cruelly revealed and even mocked that Betsy had died in a car accident. The news of her death profoundly impacted Kreese as he was clearly so devastated, initially dropping to one knee in pain, trying to process what he had just heard. Captain Turner early on in the fight had the upper hand on Kreese who was still very distraught by the news of Betsy's tragic death, but Kreese then became very enraged and defeated Captain Turner. Kreese showed his Captain no mercy by stomping Turner's hand as he was hanging by the platform suspended above the snake pit, Captain Turner fell to his death in a pit full of snakes. After the Captain's demise and still standing on the platform, Kreese immediately closed his eyes and let out a breath, in that moment Kreese was reborn, the kind hearted man with compassion and mercy had died with his love Betsy and now Kreese was starting to embrace a much darker side of himself, This is where Kreese first adopted his Strike First, Strike Hard and No Mercy moto. Kreese then freed the rest of the unit including the young Terry Silver who hugged Kreese and promised him a life long debt for saving his life. Kreese would also go on to save Silver more times between 1969 and 1975.
After his victory over the snake pit, Kreese and the other surviving members of the unit earned berets as well as battlefield commissions as officers in the US Army. Kreese would continue to Serve in the US Army Green Berets, earning the rank of Captain himself before leaving the military in 1975. Kreese also became the US Army's Karate Champion, a title he held from 1970 to 1972. He returned home to the valley very hardened and embittered by the numerous bereavements he suffered during the war, especially with the loss of his beloved Betsy. Soon after returning home in 1975 Kreese would co-found Cobra Kai Dojo alongside Terry Silver, teaching new generations the way of the fist and the same creed that Turner had once taught him, and the rest is history as we know it.
So Kreese is definitely the most tragic character in all of Karate Kid and Cobra Kai. He was a very good and kind hearted man that was twisted by unfathomable amounts of pain, loss, suffering and extreme violence from war. All Kreese wanted was to live a normal life, to serve his country and be a hero, to marry and have a family of his own one day with the only woman he ever truly cared about and really loved, Besty, but all Kreese got in the end was losing everything and everybody, leaving him with absolutely nothing. So Kreese shredded his humanity and buried all emotions deep, he stopped feeling when his Besty died, overtime building himself into the completely merciless, heartless and vicious karate sensei he is today.
His very sad and tragic backstory also helps us understand why in Kreese's mind, there is no middle ground, that survival has to mean the absolute defeat or death of your enemy, whether it's on the streets or in competition, even in the dojo, survival in life depends on that kill or be killed mentality which was psychologically engraved into Kreese through the brutality of war, his Captains cruel teachings and the very tragic/ profounding losses Kreese suffered in his life, the most impactful and damaging of all being the death of his sweetheart Betsy.
Though today John Kreese is a very cruel, vicious, merciless and cold hearted person, i still feel a great pity for him.
submitted by Eastern-Ability-2894 to cobrakai [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 07:04 Ok_Start1379 Do you think therapy can help me (27F) and my (ex)fiancé (28M) repair our relationship?

My (ex)fiancé and I had been together for almost 6.5 years, engaged for almost 2.5. Over the last several months, my (ex)fiancé has sat me down to talk about our relationship about once a month. Before these conversations, he would shut down and barely speak to me for several days even when I would ask what was wrong. Then he would finally tell me he was ready to have a conversation and would express his frustrations with the relationship. By the time of our conversations, I would already be on the defensive from his recent behavior. I also generally do not receive feedback well. When he would try to tell me that he was unhappy in our relationship because I didn't compliment him enough, flirt with him enough, or tell him I loved him enough, I would shut down. I was not able to hear what he was really trying to tell me. Instead, I put up a wall and told him to love me for who I am. I basically asked him "If I'm happy in our relationship despite my frustrations, why can't you be?" I now realize that is not an appropriate or healthy response when your partner is trying to communicate with you.
I did try to hear him. I gifted him some lingerie for the first time and let him take a boudoir photo shoot of me wearing it. I started sending a few more cute messages. I tried to make more time to cuddle with him when he would ask. I tried to give him more hugs. I tried to thank him more for picking up around the house. I wrote him a cute letter and surprised him with a few gifts for Easter. However, about a month ago, we had another one of those conversations. Except this time the first things he brought up were 'wondering what else is out there' and talking about how other girls are always complimenting him. Again came the walls and extra defensiveness. I ended up writing him a letter talking about how I didn't know if I could ever be what he wanted me to be and that maybe he should think about calling things off. This was obviously a defense mechanism to try to beat him to the punch line and talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Three weeks later he would sit me down and tell me he wanted to know what else was out there again and that he didn't know if he could go through with marrying me. My efforts did not feel like enough for him and I understand why. I was having a hard time connecting my emotions with my actions which made my actions seem reactionary and not genuine or provoked by love.
I have been through a lot more trauma in my life than I realized. My dad was in the Navy while I was growing up. We had to move every three years. A very pivotal point in my life was when we moved when I was in the 6th grade. I lived right next door to my best friend. I was finding my love for math and theater. I also played soccer and was a Girl Scout. When we moved, I became very depressed, though I didn't understand that's what it was at the time. I stopped all of my extracurricular activities. I stopped getting too close to people because I knew I would have to move or they would have to move eventually. I mostly stayed in my room and kept to myself, even from my family. I also have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Then, in my senior year of high school, I got my first-ever boyfriend. We were in a relationship for over 4 years. In that relationship, I would always be the one to try to talk about our problems. I would be the one who would always want longer hugs and more cuddles. But it was not a healthy relationship. We broke up and got back together many times. I found several illicit texts to other girls on multiple occasions and he would always gaslight me by saying his younger brother stole his phone or I misinterpreted the messages. I think this caused me not to want to show my emotions because it wasn't reciprocated and resulted in heartache. Then, three years ago my younger brother died in a tragic car accident at the age of 17.
When I realized I could lose the love of my life, I realized that he was right about me not being affectionate enough. I had built up walls to protect myself. I thought I had made progress on my anxiety and depression, but I realized I was wrong. I also realized that I have issues with communication, trust, and vulnerability. I was a great partner in other ways and I did express my love in other ways. I moved across the country, coast to coast, with him to a state where I didn't know anyone so that he could attend his dream school. I take care of the household. I get the majority of the groceries. I do all of the cooking. I do all of the maintenance cleaning. I take care of our 2 cats and 1 dog. I say all of those in the present tense because we currently still live together but are sleeping in separate rooms. I also financially supported him by lending him money and letting him pay less of the rent because I made more money. I accept all of him including that he has terrible time management skills, he can have a hard time controlling his emotions at times, and he is disorganized and messy. I also accepted that I would have to wait for marriage and children because of his school and accepted that he did not have a lot of free time between school, work, and his hobbies. I supported his love for his hobbies by accepting his purchasing of expensive equipment even when he owed me money, traveling to watch several events that were important to him, and traveling to see him win an award from his job. I would write heartfelt cards for every holiday. I also bought him dozens of children's books about love that I wanted us to read to our children one day.
When I realized I could lose him, I felt something change inside me. It was like I could feel a hole being blown in the wall I had built up. I felt all my love for him overwhelm me. I couldn't hug him, kiss him, or tell him I love him enough. I tried to talk to him to apologize for my behavior and how badly I'd hurt him. I tried to explain how I felt like a different person and how I really wanted to work hard on improving myself as a partner to make our relationship work. I tried to prove my words with actions. I wrote a list of things I needed to work on including communication and being more affectionate. I also wrote out a list of ways to work on those things and actually started doing the things on the list. Some of the items I had already begun to do like hug and kiss him more and tell him I love him more. I also tried to ask more questions about his interests/hobbies/day. I was more vulnerable and talked with him about my feelings more. I even initiated intimacy, something I had really only done once in a blue moon when I was intoxicated. I also set up my individual therapy sessions.
Despite all of my efforts, over the next two weeks, he continued to say he did not know if he could be with me and wanted to know what else was out there. He was very wavering and said multiple times "I don't know what the right decision is." He said he could not trust that my changes would last and that it was probably too late. I begged him to try couples therapy, but he refused and said "Therapy takes too long" and basically said it wasn't worth the time. He finally broke up with me after 2 weeks of going back and forth and I was devastated. He later talked to a mutual friend of ours and changed his mind about therapy. I was so happy to hear that he had changed his mind. However, now I feel like I can't even trust him anymore. He's turning into a person I don't recognize and I don't know what he's capable of anymore. I don't know if the man I love still exists. When he told me he was now agreeable to try therapy he said "We're still broken up, but I won't talk to any other girls." and then promptly said "And it will give me more time to find a place to live if things don't work out." He deleted several Instagram posts that had photos of me after he agreed to try therapy which makes me think he's not actually that open to healing our relationship. He complained to me about how he might have to take out student loans after I told him he needed to pay me for half of the rent while we're broken up and not decreased rate he had been paying me. He also "checked on me" on the night of the 3rd year anniversary of my brother's death when he heard me crying. Then he just sat on the end of the bed scrolling his phone while I cried as if he was checking on me because he felt like he had to and not because he wanted to. When I asked him if he had some sort of deadline in mind for the therapy, because he had previously mentioned that it takes too long, he said July or August and I have a suspicion that is because a girl he likes is leaving for summer break but will be back at the end of August for the next semester.
I just feel like the way he has been acting is not how you act towards someone you were in a relationship with for almost 6.5 years. Especially after saying you still love them and have no negative feelings towards them. That means even though you don't think you are a good relationship match, you should still want to treat them with respect. You should care that they are hurting during this time. You should want to comfort them in their grief of a separate event. You should mean it if you say you want to try therapy.
TL; DR : Do you think therapy will help?
submitted by Ok_Start1379 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 07:03 Individual-Chicken79 Help My Cousin

Hello
I (21F) have been fairly close with my aunt, uncle, and cousins most of my life. my siblings and I grew up with them and we’ve spent many hours with them.
My cousin (17 almost 18M) just graduated from high school. my aunt and uncle are very controlling and want to control him for the rest of his life. He was dating this girl that’s not a christian and his parents looooved her and she got along well with them as well as some of his siblings. He really liked her and put a lot of work into their relationship. My aunt and uncle wanted him to go to fight school in her town and stay with her and her family after he graduated. This isnt a great idea as it would be good for him to go to college and experience the world. Also living with your girlfriend is not a good thing i think.… so they dated for almost a year when he found out she was cheating on him and was sending nudes to different guys. It devastated him and at one point called her and was crying and she laughed at him. They broke up and he began to think more about what he was going to do after high school. He visited a school near me with a good flight program and a good football team that he could get into. It seemed like he really liked it and was thinking about going there. I talked to his older sister, my other cousin, and she thinks being in a team would be really good for him since he thrives with teams. He was in football in high school and was really good. the school is also in a good location and not too expensive. Today, about a month after he visited the college, I saw him and he was with his ex girlfriend and theyre back together. He’s now planning on doing what my aunt and uncle wanted him to do and living with her. I really love him and I dont want him to throw his life away for a girl who isnt good just because his parents like her. I want to talk to him but dont know how to… hes a very basic christian and im not sure if he really cares anymore but I hope he does. My sister (19F) is really close to him and has talked to him but she’s also very blunt and can be rude. Today she went up to his girlfriend and said ”i thought you were a cheater.” To which his girlfriend replied ”that was a mistake” and walked away.
Is there anything I can do? He has so much potential and I dont want him to waste his life.
submitted by Individual-Chicken79 to ChristianRelationship [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 06:56 pseudosoup_ ridealongs before applying for a job?

Hey! So, long story short, is it a good idea to do a ridealong with a company before applying for a job with them, or is it okay to just send in an application?
I just received my certification (yay) and am looking to start working with an ambulance service in my area. During my EMT class, my instructor made a comment about getting a job that was along the lines of "if you've done a couple of ridealongs with a place and they like you, you'll be able to get a job with them once you're certified."
I wasn't required to do any ridealongs/clinical stuff for patient contacts or anything, so ridealongs were just for personal enjoyment/education, and afaik, maybe five people out of my 25-person class did any. Since I was busy just trying to keep my head above water with EMT school on top of a college schedule and job, I never got around to scheduling ridealongs until the couple of weeks between when I was done with school/my emt class and before I took my NREMT tests. I did one with a company that I wouldn't ever work at even if it was a million-dollar salary, and two with a place that I liked and thought would be a good starter job, but people I know told me it was essentially a soul-sucking location that I should avoid at all costs. That being said, it seems like every company I've suggested, there's somebody who will say "that's an awful place the boss sucks," and there's an employee who tells me to run from the whole industry. It's difficult to tell what's an actually good warning and what's just classic ems negative nancy behavior.
Anyway, obviously I'm going to be sending applications to more than one company, but I'm not sure if I should be doing ridealongs to get in the door and have my face seen before sending in an application (sort of what my instructor implied was the way to get a job) or just apply. Is it beneficial to do a ridealong in order to scout out a place? Or to make myself look like a more legit candidate? It seems like my area has a pretty severe shortage of EMS folks, and I've been told by some that for part time work, all you need is a warm body, but other new-ish EMTs I know say it's basically impossible to get hired as a new EMT.
submitted by pseudosoup_ to NewToEMS [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 06:55 wonder_luck Advice From a 2024 Grad!

My Advice As a 2024 High school Graduate
My last day of Senior year is tomorrow and I have a few things I wanna say to those of you still in middle school/ high school.
Things I believe I did well - and things I believe you should do well too :)
• Push yourself out of your comfort zone - whether that be by taking a hard class or doing that activity you’re iffy about. You can always drop something if it’s too hard but it’s better to start and fail than never try. I took AP Chem my junior year and it kicked my ass, but in the end it was my favorite class in high school and I passed the exam :) Science rocks.
• This is SOOOOO cliche, but please, do something you actually like in high school. I participated in activities I actually cared deeply about and was able to talk about to other people as well as write about in college/ scholarship applications. I got into a top university and a bunch of scholarships. Just make it a priority to do things you like - no matter what it is - and be a leader in it.
• Be friendly to everyone, yes, even the people you despise. Honestly, you never know who will be able to help you down the line. The treasurer at my school is notoriously mean and I actually made the effort to get to know her and speak to her kindly. She then waived all of my school fees so I didn’t have to pay anything. And not just because they can do something for you but because being kind is just what’s right.
Things I wish I did/ did better - don’t be like me!
• Tell my best friend about my feelings for him. I’ve loved him for 4 years and have always been too shy/insecure to say anything about it. And now he’s going away for university, we’ll never be together like we were in high school again. Just bite the bullet and move on, not worth the tears lol. But oddly I don’t necessarily regret this decision. (Wish I would’ve had just ONE boyfriend at least lmao)
• I wish I was less insecure. People do not care about you like you think they do. This sounds harsh but there’s freedom in this truth. Wear what you want, don’t cover your smile when you laugh, take that picture (because when you graduate - or in 20 years - you’ll wish you had that stupid photo of you from Freshman year)
• Fixed this cursed sleep schedule and formed better habits. I have an abomination of a sleep Schedule. I get 4 hours on average and have no idea what it’s like to feel well rested. Since I’m always tired I don’t go to the gym and yeah - downward spiral. Health is the most valuable thing you can possess, treat yourself kindly.
Good luck everyone!
submitted by wonder_luck to highschool [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 06:53 pixiesyrup I'm tired of being a bitch

I'm tired of men calling me a bitch. Recently, this random guy I was just talking to expressed his anti-choice, not all men but all women are bad drivers views which evidently irritated me to argue with him a bit. In the end, he called me a bitch and a pseudofeminist lol.
My ex boyfriend ended the relationship with calling me a bitch. Kudos to him to have kept it to himself all throughout the relationship for it to only come out at the end of it. He enjoyed slutshaming me, being the moral arbiter in the relationship, and lashing out on me whenever my existence triggered his ego. He left me saying noone would love me only tolerate me.
Some of my classmates generally have a foul mouth, with weird misogynist jokes always up on their sleeves. I once picked up an argument with a guy who called my friend a slut out of the blue, and well, he called me a bitch and my then friend ended up only defending him. This led to this guy randomly coming to me multiple times to tell me that everyone thinks I'm a bitch. I'm not very social, I don't talk a lot at college, I just ended up thinking that this is why everyone thinks I'm like this. That everyone's default opinion of me is that I'm a bitch. But it gets very tiring wanting and trying to prove them wrong.
With everyone else, all my life, I have really been very amicable. I care for people, I don't think I've been mean to anyone or bullied them or made them feel bad about themselves. I deeply care for the people I care for, I also am conscious about how I'm perceived and always try to be on the good end of things.
I am sensitive about certain things. Yes, I am a feminist. Yes, men have done really bad things to me in my life. Someone close to me is very verbally abusive so I don't like a foul mouth. I don't find humour in fat jokes or being slutshamed. When I was a kid I was extensively bullied for being a fat kid. Though I don't look like it anymore, but I still carry the dysmorphia from that whole ordeal. So it doesn't come to me to laugh at these things easily.
These days I've been thinking a lot about the Gone Girl cool girl monologue. As long as you chug beer, stroke their ego, take their dicks in your mouth, and laugh at everything they say, you're cool. If you don't, you're the bitch.
Everything scares me. Having hope of finding like-minded people is hard to have. I see how men talk about women on the internet. That Indian tinder group is filled with weirdos like that. I'm pretty sure I won't fare well with them too.
But I'm not 14 anymore, I can't pretend and lie about being cool for boys. I can't pretend to be cool and laugh at these things which hurt me personally. My ex boyfriend used to always complain I'm not fun, that I'll die a scorn, and that I already act like a 70 year old. I don't know how to move on confidently with myself after all this. Somewhere I also do believe, I'm truly a bitch, I can't take a joke, and that no-one would even find me tolerable.
How to stop? What is normal? How do you guys not be the bitch? What mistakes am I making. Pls help, I'm tired of being this way.
submitted by pixiesyrup to TwoXIndia [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 06:50 Accomplished-Sail583 23 [M4F] #US/FL/online: what if we did something funny like skip the small talk and started “dating”?🤪

Hey! I’m a 23y/o soon-to-be college graduate! I’m here looking for someone to form a good genuine connection with. I attend school in FL, so it’d be nice to meet ppl in FL but idc where you are as long as the connection we make is good :)
Some of my interests consists of playing video games (just got a pc so I’ll take any recommendations), listening to music, watching/playing basketball, and photography/videography. I hope one day to share these interests with you! (I know my interests are very vague but we can get to know each other more in DM’s)
I would describe myself as an introverted extrovert. I speak Spanish. I’m pretty Athletic. I’m funny conversationally. And I know how to solve a Rubik’s cube in about a minute or less
My looks: I have wavy black hair, brown eyes, some piercings, some tattoos, and I have a pretty average build
I want to find someone who’s as interested in me as much as I am in them. I’m a very flirtatious guy, so I’m kinda hoping you are too. I’m looking for that flirtationship to lovers type vibe. I would eventually like to know what you look like because I believe physical attraction is as important as much as emotional attraction. also PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help carry a conversation. Im a pretty busy person but if you show me that you ACTUALLY like talking to me and I see the effort, I will always ALWAYS make time for you. Communication is super big for me so I’ll always say how I feel and what I think. At the end of the day I just want someone I can talk to about my day and have a really good conversation (can be a call too!) Also THIS doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship, I’m also down to have platonic relationships too. Make sure your intentions are clear from the beginning! Emotional maturity is always attractive!❤️‍🔥
(Don’t just say “hey” or “hi” tell me a juicy secret or something. If this interests you send me a brief intro and a selfie. Prob won’t respond if you’re response is low effort…🫣)
Alright love you bye (say it back pls 🔫)
submitted by Accomplished-Sail583 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 06:44 Necessary-Wall-6446 AITA for walking out of the bridal salon when I found out my friends were making fun of me behind my back?

I have two friends: Gaby and Shelly. All of us are 23, if that matters. We were roommates in college and stayed in the same city after graduation. While the three of us are close, I’ve always known that Gaby and Shelly are the closest. They have a really sweet friendship.
Shelly is getting married. Gaby is the maid of honor and I’m one of the bridesmaids. Over the weekend, I went with Shelly so she could look at wedding dresses. Gaby was supposed to come with us but got called into work last minute. I helped Shelly pick out some dresses then she went with the consultant to try them on. Shelly asked that I take pictures and videos on her phone to send to her mom and Gaby. I was getting the camera ready when a text from Gaby came through. I didn’t mean to click on it and was instantly going to click back out when I saw one of my Instagram pictures in their private chat from earlier that morning. Both were making fun of me for the face I was making and my outfit choice. It didn’t appear to be very good nature.
I admit, curiosity got the best of me so I searched my name in the chat. I found multiple pictures that I, my boyfriend or my mom have posted of myself, absolutely ripping them to shreds. Ranging from selfies to posed shots to even a few baby pictures. They’d also make fun of me in general in terms of the way I talked, wore my hair and the way I ate. This went back as far as I could tell, at least a year.
My heart broke. It all felt so juvenile and high school. While we all joke around, I would never do this to them nor have they ever even tried to instigate these types of conversations with me about the other one on one. I was in tears. As someone who was bullied all through middle and high school, it just brought me back to a horrible place. I put the phone in Shelly’s purse and brought it to another employee, telling her to tell Shelly that I had to go. I drove home and had a long cry.
Shelly texted me by the time I made it home asking where I went. I said I was going home and we could talk later. When she did call a few hours later, she was understandably confused and hurt that I left. I told her what I found, explaining that I only looked further because of the initial text I accidentally saw. She went off on me for looking through her private texts and said those were none of my business. She also told me I shouldn’t have left the store without saying anything. I said I didn’t want to make a scene but also knew I couldn’t fake being happy for her.
Shelly told me the texts were “all in good fun” and clearly she loves me because I’m going to be her bridesmaid. She added that I’m only hurt because I chose to read all those texts. Later on, Gaby called to tell me that I invaded Shelly’s privacy and hurt her by walking out.
My boyfriend and mom think I did the right thing by walking out. But obviously, they’re a little biased. I just want some unbiased looks: was I an asshole to look through the texts and then leave?
submitted by Necessary-Wall-6446 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 06:43 Dear-Investment-3514 Do I [18F] Break up with my [18M] Boyfriend?

I guess I'll start off by giving backstory. I am a (18F) college student in a relationship with my boyfriend (18M) who is about to graduate highschool next week. We originally met back in February on a dating app, and we are long distance (of an hour away from each other), and our relationship is a secret from my dad (strict parent). My mom is aware of the relationship however because she is concerned for me getting found out, she limits my hangouts with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I try to see each other every week, sometimes every other week.
I just want to make it clear: from the beginning of our relationship I have been the one to mess things up. Or that is how (him and me) mostly see it. I think I've come to realize it's because I have a lot of mental immaturity. From what I recall, one of the first arguments we had was my inability to communicate properly with my boyfriend. Such as: texting him small updates or, checking things he would send me on social media and not reply to his iMessage back. Very minor communication. The others were a bit more extreme. One of the more extreme ones stemmed from the whole strict parent thing. See, originally my boyfriend asked me out the first month in which we met. However, I turned him down because although I wanted to say yes, I didn't want to lie about the status of my relationship to my parents. Eventually, I wanted the two of us to become official after a few months of us talking, so I can then introduce him as my boyfriend to my parents. This created a big issue between us, in which he started developing a sense of not having security in the relationship. This would be the cause of many arguments. I think my fault in this was instead of reassuring him and making him feel heard; I would apologize over and over again trying to offer solutions. On his birthday I wrote him a long love letter and I told him I wanted to make things official, the truth is I felt pressured because a week before his birthday we had the same reoccurring argument. We've had a lot of arguments piling since then, many of them having to with me such as: making conversations about his feelings about myself, in which then he feels pressured to comfort me. Our most recent argument was completely my mistake and I recognize this.
About three weeks ago, one of my friends was preforming at my former highschool. It was going to be a concert like event in which students and their rock bands would preform. So I invited my Best Friend (18M) and my Boyfriend. (To clarify, my best friend has been my friend for 7 years and he is gay, this doesn't have to do with my best friend being a man; my boyfriend himself is comfortable with our relationship.) I had not seen my boyfriend for a week or so prior to this event and so I would constantly tell him about how I miss him and how I was looking forward to see him, hence why I invited him. Before the event started, the three of us (me, Boyfriend, and Best friend) decided to go to a cafe to get a drink since it was a 5min walk from my former highschool (where the event was being held). I thought I was giving him attention by being affectionate in holding his hand, trying to include him in conversation, and clinging to his arm would be enough: showing my boyfriend that I missed him. However, when we walked back from the cafe to line up outside the event, I noticed he was going quiet and even got out of line to sit down at a nearby bench. When we entered the event, us three sat down and my Boyfriend put his head down immediately. I knew from that, that this wasn't his vibe. After the first two songs, he got up and left (with letting me know) and went back to his car. I asked him if he was okay, and he just told me he wanted to lay down. The event was three hours, I stayed for the first hour almost two, before receiving a text from my boyfriend. In which he said "should I just leave", so I left the event and went to his car to talk to him. He told me that he felt unappreciated especially because I said I had missed him so much, that I didn't even say "thank you baby for driving an hour to be here". We ended up talking this out and we went to dinner after. The reason why I am bringing this up is because my best friend was actually quite annoyed at this. This week, me and my best friend went out to Koreatown which we were talking about my boyfriend. My best friend brought up his behavior from the event, and demonstrated the way my boyfriend had his head down expressing how annoyed it made him feel that I left early, and even missed some of my friend performance which was the reason why I went. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my boyfriend. He got extremely upset, and took my best friend as mocking him and disrespecting him, he got mad at me for not defending him. This was a very big argument. My boyfriend has expressed and even shown throughout the arguements we've had, that he is losing his patience and feels as though I am abusing him ;"Let me continue to beat you mentally and ask for forgiveness with no promise of a promising future for myself in change (he told me this)". Lately, although I should have been doing this from the beginning have been trying to put my best foot forward in changing attitude, I've been trying to be more supportive and not making conversations about myself, in making sure that he knows that I understand him, however I keep messing up and its very frustrating to me.
I've talked to my therapist and my own mom about my problems, because I really want to stay with my boyfriend and I really want to change. My last relationship I was sexually and verbally abused, and although me and my boyfriend have a lot of problems he really is the best and the first person I have seen a future with. I sometimes struggle with the trauma from my last relationship, which is why sometimes I get scared of expressing myself (my ex would call me stupid or a manipulator when I expressed myself so I get scared of retaliation). My boyfriend gets sometimes frustrated when I explain this because he tells me "well I'm not him and you know that".
Although I love this person, I don't know whether to break up with him or not. We have both stayed with each other because we want to work things out, however as he has expressed to me and I have noticed: this creating an unhealthy environment and he feels like he is in an unhealthy environment. I never want to keep my boyfriend in an environment in which he feels unsafe and not happy. To clarify, I am willing to work things out with him through and through. But, lot of the time I worry because of the several arguements we have had, that he is not happy but yet he stays. I cry a lot and I feel terrible. I never open to my mom about things ever but, I did the last argument because of how terrible I feel about it all. I feel like I'm not enough. I find myself trying but even I know my efforts aren't enough for this relationship. Any advice will help which is why I've taken it to here. I can't fully explain my whole relationship and timeline of events but hopefully this was enough information (if not I will try to update this) thank you if you read this.
submitted by Dear-Investment-3514 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 06:26 Fluffy_fluffy_ Alternate ending update (new part has a • near it)

/ Hayes’ pov /
When Solene’s large sable orbs locked on mine, time stopped, the past five years of pain fell away. Her supple rosy lips upturned and slightly parted- the same way they had before. The same lips I fell in love with. She was beautiful, the same stand out features and subtle curves.
It felt as if gravity was pulling me closer, each step unconscious. With our toes nearly touching, every nerve ending in my body urged me to touch her, to tuck a stray strand of hair away.
“Hi.” Her voice velvety and deep, slightly hoarse.
Unsure of what to say I began to speak, “H- wh- how are you?” The future of whatever could be depended on the next few moments, and I didn’t even know where to begin.
Solene felt the same way, it was evident in her tone, “I’m well, not much has changed, I’m slightly older…” she let out a weak laugh “and Izzy is a sophomore in college. He-“.
“That’s gre-“ I began. “Sorry you go ahead.” I could feel my cheeks pinken.
“I was just going to ask if you’d like to sit and chat, I have time before my client arrives and it would be nice to talk.” Her tone was unreadable, I’d hoped she’d wanted me to say yes.
With a nod of my head, she turned on her heels; her now chin length hair fanning out slightly.
————————————————————————————— Once we reach the offices, Tracy peeks her head out of her office and smirks “Ah hello Adonis.” The comment although to me is more geared toward Solene.
“Tracy, don’t you have some art to purchase or someone else’s awkward moment to make worse.” Solene rolls her eyes, the same mischievous sparkle apparent.
With a small smile, I duck into Solene’s office. Taking in the familiar-small- space, I smile, not much has changed. Photographs of Izzy through out the years, multiple paintings from artists all over the world, and even a few of us during the time we spent together on August Moon’s tour adorn her walls.
Leaving the door open slightly Solene sits on the small love seat she added to the room, its vintage, it suits her.
Taking a seat next to her I smile. She seems to be taking me in, inspecting closely how age and life have affected me. “How are you? I saw you on Jimmy Kimmel last week, are you enjoying the solo route?”.
“It’s been a journey of loss and gain. I didn’t know that with love comes pain, until that day five years ago. The music I’ve been writing is not just about infatuation but yearning for what was.” I realize I may be rambling and pause.
“It’s nice to see you passionate about music again, the same way it was when it was just you and your guitar.” Solene’s hand touches mine tenderly, “tell me more about it?”.
“Well, when we went our separate ways I began to see the road ahead was going to be the same as before if I let it. I could keep on as the British boy who messes about and lets everyone around him make decisions for him; or I could be who I am today. I’m finally involved in the process of my music from start to fi-“ a knock on the door brings me to a stop.
“Solene, Ms. Raphel is here. I know she’s a half an hour early, would you like me to tell her you’re in meeting?” Tracy looks pained as if she’s interrupted a super secret meeting- which she has, but it’s not the end of the world.
Solene’s eyes bounce between mine and Tracy’s “Fucking artists. They’re never on time, it’s always absurdly early or laughably late.”
Deciding for the both of us I stand up, “This is important Sol, I’ll be here as long as it takes. As long as your number is still the same, I would be more than happy to schedule something.” Tracy shuts the door slowly and leaves us alone again.
“Hayes, are you sure? I can tell her I’m in a meeting, I can’t expect you to move your busy schedule around because of my client’s inability to tell time.” Solene stands and begins shuffling papers on her desk, no matter what she says I know I’ll go to the ends of the earth for her.
Standing behind her I place my hand on her shoulder “I’ll be available whenever you are. Good luck with the new client.” I walk to the door before turning back “Oh and Solene, you’re still hot or whatever.” With those parting words I open the door leaving her blinking in shock. ————————————————————————————— As I sit on the sofa of my new flat, I’m like a teen boy again. Do I dare flirt with the girl? Keep it simple? I begin typing something only to delete it until I hit send on impulse.
-Hayes- I was wondering if you’d like to get some really fucking good sandwiches sometime? ————————————————————————————— • It’s been two hours since I left the gallery, fifteen since I sent the text, and five minutes since Solene has read it. Patience and tranquility are two things I am fresh out of when it comes to waiting.
-Hayes- I know you’ve read it Sol, it’ll be just lunch.
This time she replies immediately
-Solene- I don’t know Hayes… it was always just lunch.
-Hayes- I’ll behave, or try to. Pls?
Knowing she won’t be able to say no, I prematurely do a little dance.
-Solene- I’ll think about it, maybe.
-Hayes- Go easy on my poor heart Sol. One sandwich. Not even drinks. Just bread. Yes?
At this point I may as well be on my knees, she still knows how to make me work for it. Leaving well enough alone I decide to go for a run. The waterside park in Santa Barbara has become my refuge-aside from my music- the waves and fresh, cool air keep me grounded.
————————————————————————————— After running for an hour I look at my messages to see a simple victory but a victory nonetheless.
-Solene- Fine you win. Lunch. I could go for a good sandwich.
(To be continued)
submitted by Fluffy_fluffy_ to primetheideaofyou [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 06:23 epicredditdude1 Insane Theory: Everyone that night was blackout drunk

This isn't necessarily a theory I believe, I just find myself thinking about this case often, and the perplexing body of facts surrounding whatever happened that night. Given we will never know the true story - we can only base our speculations around things that have been documented in one way or another, I have a theory on why this case is so confusing: Everyone involved was blackout drunk.
Let's try to imagine this from all perspectives:
-Let's say you're Brian Albert
You're at the waterfall bar. Everyone seems to be having a good time. You're hanging out with your extended family, who are all close. It's your son's 23rd birthday and he's hanging out with his friends, several of which are family as well. Basically life is good. Then you don't remember much. Jen McCabe wakes you up the next morning telling you John is dead on your lawn. You have no idea why. You see that you apparently called Brian Higgens that night at 2:30am, AND he called you back and you picked up. You don't remember this happening. Holy shit, what the fuck happened?
-Let's say you're Jen McCabe
You're at the waterfall bar. Everyone seems to be having a good time. You're hanging out with your extended family and your neighbor and his girlfriend. Everyone is having a good time. Then you don't remember much. You wake up to a call from John's Niece, who says Karen is freaking out about John. Karen grabs the phone and is completely frantic. She keeps screaming and saying John didn't come home and they got in a fight and they had to find John. Since you blacked out, you check your phone's history to try to piece together the night. You realize you made a bunch of calls and texts, and searched how long it would take for someone to die in the cold. That's weird. You decide to delete all this information because you have no idea what happened, and perhaps just from a psychological standpoint you find it a bit concerning.
-Let's say your Karen Read
You're at the waterfall bar. Everyone seems to be having a good time. You're hanging out with your boyfriend and his friend group. Then you don't remember much. You wake up at around 4am and John isn't home. You send him some texts and calls and he doesn't respond. You vaguely remember getting into an argument with John. What if something bad happened to him? Panic starts swelling inside and you realize you need to get in touch with someone from that night. Your niece has Jen McCabe's number, so you ask your niece to call her. When Jen picks up you quickly grab the phone and say you need to find John. You're panicking. As you leave John's house in a panic, you accidentally crack your tail light. When you get to Jen's house you notice the broken tail light and start freaking out. Now it really looks like you hit John. At this point you're in a state of complete panic. You insist the group head to the Albert home, where you find John's body. You have no idea what happened, but you're worried you hit him with your car because you saw that your tail light was broken. You're devastated.
I know this sounds like a silly idea, but I think it explains why the testimony is all over the place, and why it feels like we don't really know what could have happened. I can only type so much so feel free to post your own juxtapositions of witness testimony with this theory in mind to see if we can piece it together.
submitted by epicredditdude1 to KarenReadTrial [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 06:00 The_Maiden_Jaiden I [18F] discovered that my mother [39F] was cheating on my father [47M] but after telling my father about it their relationship started improving, how do I go about trying to fix my relationship with my mother?

This will be a bit long so there will be a tl,dr at the end if you don't want to read all of it. I'm new at this so bear with me.
Bit of background about myself I [18F] have diagnosed combination type ADHD though for my entire life my doctor has recommended I be tested for Autism and my school has always been saying that I have Autism for as long as I can remember. I have never been emotionally attached to my parents while I am grateful for all they have done for me I have just never been attached to them like I would care if they were gone. When I was in elementary school I was a very hyper child and I was not well behaved at all due to this in kindergarten my teachers would often tell me to go off to another part of the room away from everyone else and give me things to play with so that I would be distracted and they could teach the rest of the class without me disrupting them so I would pretty much be isolated from everyone else. I have been in special needs classes since kindergarten and I have only been put on medication for my ADHD once which was when I was 8 but I was taken off it by my parents as it turned me into a "zombie" I believe the medication was Adderall but other than that I have been unmedicated for ten (10) years. My parents have been married 18 years, I believe they got married because my mother became pregnant with me
I discovered that my mother was cheating on my father about two (2) or three (3) months ago though I had been suspecting it for over six (6) months I just never had any solid proof until two (2) to three (3) months ago. Recently I had my friend send my father the proof of my mother's affair that I have collected but to my surprise after they talked for around 15 about it their relationship has improved significantly compared to how it's been for over a year. This all started in 2023 my mother began constantly face timing this guy we'll call P I had never seen before whenever my father wasn't around when I asked about it she said P was just a friend and so I believed her and I had even spoken to the guy though he didn't sit well with me as he seemed like a prick. After about a month of my mother constantly on the phone with P whenever my father wasn't around I began to wonder if there was more to this, so I began listening in on their conversations whenever I could to see if I could hear anything that indicated that was an affair but I never got anything out of it besides lewd jokes and comments from P about black women. During this time she was giving my father zero affection and had even stopped telling me that she loved me even I said it to her.
Eventually I got fed up with them constantly talking to each other and I was very angry with my mother for taking me and my three (3) year old brother to the park for as she called it "family time" only for her to be off on her own away from us and on her phone the entire time texting and face timing P and even flat out ignoring me numerous times whenever I tried to talk to her or asked her to watch me do something, this upset me because I like getting attention from others and she had denied me that. So after I was fed up with them I went off on my mother for the first time ever while she on the phone with P and said some not nice things to her and said not nice things about P, I also brought up my suspicion of her having an affair which she denied and when I pressed her about why said lied to me about things regarding P such as where he lived, how she knew him, why she only ever called him whenever my father wasn't around, and why she started talking to him she told me it was because she "wasn't allowed to have friends" which is not true she has many friends many of which I know. After that all happened I stopped talking to her for a while and she stopped calling him whenever I was around and I began to wait for opportunities for when I could take her phone and go though it as I knew her password. I couldn't just wait for her to go to bed as she is a light sleeper and my father goes to bed a different times from her so he would see me and question me as to why I was taking her phone or she would end up waking up and question me so I had to wait for when she left her phone unattended which wasn't very often.
Two (2) months ago I was able to swipe her phone and go though it and it was all right there. I love you's, naked pictures, sexual conversations, talk of divorcing my father for P and taking my brother with, and I made sure to get plenty of pictures of it and I even found out that on a trip she took to "Ohio" in which is paid 300$ for plan tickets to and from she had actually not went there and instead went to the state P lives, I also found P's Facebook where he had pictures of himself with my mother together and the dates the pictures were posted and the date my mother left for her trip matched up, during that trip she had actually never even called back home to talk to me, my father, or my brother. For a while after I confirmed my mother was cheating on my father I blamed myself because P asked me if I was okay with him talking to my mother (This was when I still though he was just her friend) and I said I was and it made me feel like I was the one that allowed this to happen but I realized it wasn't my fault and the only one to blame was my mother. After my mother returned from her trip she had actually wanted to have sex with my father for the first time in a while though I suspect she only did it because she had sex with P and wanted to do it with my father in case she became pregnant though I have no evidence to prove this but I do know that birth control does not work for my mother as when she conceived me, my sister, and my brother she was on birth control same as her mother though take that with a grain of salt as my mother is terrible at taking medication at the same time everyday. After that I began to plan out what to do, I didn't care about what would happen to me if they got divorced I was thinking of how I could try and get this to work out best for my brother. My at the time boyfriend had gone though a similar situation as to what I was going though, his mother cheated on his father and divorced him and ran away with her affair, leaving behind her children and leaving her ex-husband in lots of debt from legal fees. I didn't want that to happen to my father so I talked with my at the time boyfriend and my friends as for what I should do and I also looked into what the divorce laws in my state which my state does not count adultery as grounds for divorce.
Eventually I got another chance to go though my mother's phone and it was more of the same old stuff but in one part she told P that she was in the process of filing some kind of legal paperwork and P seemed excited about that there was also a "protected files" thing on her phone that needed a password to get into but since it wasn't the same password as the one to her phone I couldn't get it. Once I saw that I knew I couldn't wait any longer and I had my friend send my father the proof though a burner phone number so none of it was connected me and they wouldn't know I had all of the evidence then I waited for him to confront my mother. It didn't take long for that to happen as soon as she came home from work he was on her about it but he never raised his voice or showed any kind of aggression towards my mother they just calmly talked for about 15 minutes. During so my mother never showed any kind of regret or remorse, she never even said sorry mostly just saying "believe what you want to believe" she told my father that he was just a friend from high school (Though I think there is more to it than that) and that he was obsessed with her and wanted her to divorce my father for him and even her parents where egging her on to do it but she said she didn't want to give up her family and home just to start all over and that if she wanted to leave she would have already left, but that doesn't really make sense to me as if you cared so much about your family and the life you built then wouldn't you show some kind of emotional response when all of that was threatened? she also implied that the lewd pictures she had sent P he had paid her to send them. After they finished talking they hugged and carried on with their day like nothing had happened and they have been doing things they hadn't done in years, cuddling in bed together, kissing, and hugging. Today I checked my mother's phone again and it seems she has stopped talking to P all together and doesn't even have him as a friend of Facebook anymore and I can't find their messages on Facebook messenger anymore though I doubt she really stopped.
TL,DR: My mother cheated on my father but after exposing her cheating to my father their relationship began to improve, I want to try and fix my relationship with my mother for the sake of my brother but I don't know how to go about it
While their relationship is improving my relationship with my mother is in the trash I have told her to stop talking to me or doing anything with me period as I despise cheating but I would like to attempt to fix my relationship with my mother because I want to be in my brother's life and I feel if things between me and my mother sour she will prevent me from being around him and I plan on moving out as soon as I am able to. I have two (2) older half sister's 21 and 25 respectively (Same father different mother) but I don't get to see them much since they have their own lives and one of them even has her own family, my mother also doesn't like them and I feel she played a role in keeping me from seeing them when I was growing up and I have one (1) younger sister that was put up for adoption though it is an open adoption so I still see her every now and then, I have never been able to form any kind of relationship with my siblings as I never grew up with them and I scarcely saw them during my childhood but my brother is the only one I have been able to be with long-term and I want to be able to build a relationship with my brother as he grows up and I believe fixing my relationship with my mother will help me be able to do this. I want to be able to fix things between me and my mother for my brother but at the same time I don't want to reveal that I was the one that caused her little affair to get exposed as I feel that will damage our relationship even more. How should I approach mending things with her without damaging things further? I don't believe cheaters should be given a second chance with the person they cheated on but I want to fix things between me and mother at least temporarily for my brother.
submitted by The_Maiden_Jaiden to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 05:52 mypersonalmind Fake police physically and legally threatened me over a report on animal abuse

I tried to shorten this as best as I could.
I (18f)(Maryland, U.S.A) use to nanny for a family who owns a rabbit. The rabbit was kept outside in dangerous temperatures, unsafe environment, a ~2 by ~2 box, alone, had no hay or toys, on wire, and being tormented by their kids during the very little time it had outside of it's cage. They were abusing and neglecting it. They have an autistic son who treated and handle the rabbit like a stuffed animal. It was dangerous for the rabbit even if he didn't mean it any harm. There’s a lot more detail I could go into. I ended up quitting due to them not being willing to change their treatment towards the rabbit. I called animal control and they sent a police officer out to investigate. The officer said no one was home but the rabbit had shelter so it was fine. Later on I compiled a bunch of research and articles on how they were neglecting the rabbit and offered to take it since I have 2 of my own. I was super nice but they basically told me to go away. So I told them I understood and wouldn't be contacting them again. A bit later I decided to review the county's animal rights law where they live (County B). I wrote down each law that they violated and how in an email that I sent animal control. They said they would send an animal control officer out, not a police officer. I responded saying I would be willing to take the rabbit if it was surrendered. I don't believe animal control even read my email or reviewed the laws I cited. They went to the family and said the rabbit had a roof and food so it was fine.
Later I received a call from a private number. I picked up and the man on the other end of the phone identified himself as a police officer for county B. I asked for him name and he muttered something. I asked him to repeat himself and he said "the same thing I said the first time". I wrote down the name I believed I heard. He proceeded to tell me that he was good friends with the family and also a police officer. He said that making a report to animal control was harassment and that he would make a case. Then he told me that as a police officer he would make sure to turn a misdemeanor into a felony and he'd make sure that it would follow me for the rest of my life. I asked him if he had read my email outlining every law that was violated, he said no. He asked for an example and I said how the cage had a wire bottom. He then admitted he didn't know the animal rights laws. He proceeded to tell me that even though he hasn't physically seen the family in 2 years that he could guarantee the rabbit was perfectly fine. This didn't make sense since the rabbit is only around a year old. He then proceeded to try and convince me there was nothing wrong with their treatment of the rabbit. He brought up that he had 5 tours in the military and was a police officer for a long time. He then talked about how he had seen and done horrible things while on the job and that I could never comprehend or understand. He compared the rabbit to what he has seen and said that the rabbit was fine in comparison. He started telling me that animal control would euthanize the rabbit and that they euthanize almost any animals they get. He kept trying to get me to say I would drop the report. It felt as if he was trying to scare me into not talking to animal control by threatening the rabbits life. He also told me to not talk about the family's autistic son in a very threatening tone and that he "would do a lot for that boy". At one point in the call he said "as a police officer I can punch you once but you'll remember it for the rest of your life." As a disabled woman that comment in particular was very scary to me. He also went on a tangent about God and about how he "isn't racist". There was a lot more he ranted about. I have PTSD and he triggered it. He had scared and intimated me.
I was worried and intimated into almost giving up. Luckily someone pointed out to me that a cop shouldn't say those things. I looked up the name I heard and found a retired police officer by that name on the County B's police website. I also found that a man with that name was friends with the mom on facebook. I decided to call the state police and they transferred me to the town I live in's police department. I told the officer what had happened. He told me that the man's actions weren't legal or professional. He also looked up the man name in some type of record system and said there was currently no active officer with the name I heard. He told me to call the station if I received another call from this number. I can't remember if he said if he would tell county B's police, as I was still very freaked out at this point.
I decided to email county B's police anyway since I was still very anxious, scared, and concerned. I believe he impersonated a police officer and threatened me, both physically and legally. They said it was not their department. I called animal control and they confirmed that they didn't assign a police officer to this case. I was worried that this man might hurt me physically, get the rabbit euthanized, make a false report, or interfere with animal controls investigation. He had freaked me out severely. I had to have extensions on my college work because I was too scared to go to campus. I still haven't gotten another job due to fear of something like this happening again. It was hard for me to handle emotionally and mentally. Around this time I got very ill and was in incredible pain. I did not try to get further help on this situation since I was scared and in a lot of pain. I have had surgery that has helped the pain and given me a lot of time to think. I am finally ready to try and do something over what he did. Is there any case or some type of justice I can get from this? I've had really bad nightmares over the rabbit's safety and the threats ever since. I'm hoping some type of justice might help get rid of them. I need help and guidance and I hope I can get that here.
Can I get this man in trouble and if so, how? I'm 99.9% sure on who the guy is. His voice matched too. At the end of the day my biggest worry is the bunnies safety. Can he take the rabbit to animal control to be killed? Should I go to the police or a lawyer? I am assuming I shouldn't contact the family. If I go to the police, do I go to my county or theres?
submitted by mypersonalmind to legal [link] [comments]


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