Exploring Laravel's Email Attachment Capabilities

When it comes to web development, especially in the PHP ecosystem, Laravel stands out for its elegant syntax, robust features, and a thriving community. Among its wide array of features, email handling is particularly noteworthy. Laravel simplifies the process of sending emails, supporting various drivers and providing a clean, fluent API for mail construction. This includes attaching files to emails, a common requirement for applications that need to send reports, receipts, or any documents generated on-the-fly. However, developers often face challenges when they need to attach files that aren't stored on disk but are generated in memory.
This is where Laravel's ability to attach raw data as files to emails shines. By leveraging this functionality, developers can dynamically create files in memory—be it PDFs, images, or plain text files—without the need to save them to a temporary location before sending. This approach not only streamlines the workflow but also enhances the application's performance and security. Understanding how to implement this feature effectively can significantly impact the functionality of your web application, making it more efficient and user-friendly.

Command	Description
Mail::send()	Sends an email using Laravel's mailing system.
attachData()	Attaches a raw data file to the email.
mime()	Specifies the MIME type of the attached file.

Diving Deeper into Laravel's Email Attachments

Laravel's mail system, built on top of the popular SwiftMailer library, provides a rich set of functionalities for email sending, including support for attachments, queues, and event listeners. When dealing with attachments, especially files generated in memory, Laravel offers a streamlined approach that bypasses the need for temporary files, which can be a significant advantage in terms of performance and security. This is particularly useful for applications that generate reports, invoices, or other documents on-the-fly based on user data or real-time information. The ability to attach these directly from memory to an email streamlines the process, reducing disk I/O and the potential exposure of sensitive information by not having to store the files on the filesystem.
Moreover, Laravel's flexible mail system allows for the customization of the email's appearance and content through the use of Mailable classes. These classes can encapsulate the logic for sending an email, including attachments, within a clean, reusable API. Developers can define their mail composition logic, including view files for the email body, inline attachments, and attachment data from memory, in a structured and maintainable manner. This approach not only makes the codebase cleaner but also enhances the overall developer experience by providing a clear and concise way to manage email functionalities within a Laravel application. Embracing these capabilities can significantly elevate the quality and functionality of web applications, making them more efficient and user-friendly.

How to Attach In-Memory Files to Emails in Laravel

PHP with Laravel Framework

to($data['email'], $data['name'])->subject('Your Report'); $message->attachData($pdf->output(), 'report.pdf', [ 'mime' => 'application/pdf', ]); }); 

Advanced Techniques in Laravel Email Attachments

Integrating advanced email functionalities within Laravel applications, specifically attaching in-memory files, not only enhances the app's capability but also presents a seamless user experience. Laravel, with its straightforward and robust mail features, allows developers to create and send complex emails, including those with attachments created on-the-fly. This feature is incredibly beneficial for applications that generate personalized content for each user, such as customized reports or invoices. By utilizing Laravel's ability to attach raw data directly from memory, developers can significantly reduce the application's disk usage and improve its performance. The process eliminates the need for temporary storage of files, thereby enhancing the application's efficiency and security by minimizing potential vulnerabilities associated with file storage.
The versatility of Laravel's mailing system extends beyond just attaching files. It encompasses a comprehensive suite of features that support a wide range of email-related functionalities, including queueing mail for background sending, event-driven mail notifications, and the ability to customize emails through Mailable classes. This holistic approach ensures that Laravel developers can maintain a high level of control over email sending and management within their applications, making it a highly desirable framework for modern web development. As such, mastering the intricacies of Laravel's mail system, particularly the attachment of in-memory files, is an invaluable skill set for developers aiming to build robust, feature-rich web applications.

FAQs on Laravel Email Attachments

1. Question: Can Laravel attach files to emails without saving them to disk first?
2. Answer: Yes, Laravel can attach files directly from memory using the attachData() method, eliminating the need to save files to disk.
3. Question: How do I specify the MIME type of an attached file in Laravel?
4. Answer: You can specify the MIME type by passing it as an option to the attachData() method within the mail sending function.
5. Question: Is it possible to queue emails with attachments in Laravel?
6. Answer: Yes, Laravel allows you to queue emails with attachments to improve performance and user experience by offloading the email sending process.
7. Question: Can I use Laravel to send emails with attachments in a background job?
8. Answer: Absolutely, by leveraging Laravel's queue system, you can send emails with attachments in background jobs, thus non-blocking the main application flow.
9. Question: How can I attach a dynamically generated PDF to an email in Laravel?
10. Answer: You can generate the PDF in memory using a package like DomPDF or Snappy, and attach it using the attachData() method by passing the PDF's raw data and specifying its MIME type.
11. Question: Are there any limitations on the size of attachments when sending emails with Laravel?
12. Answer: While Laravel itself does not impose specific limits, the underlying email server or service provider may have restrictions on attachment sizes.
13. Question: How do I ensure that email attachments sent with Laravel are secure?
14. Answer: Ensure that any sensitive data generated in-memory for attachments is properly encrypted and that you use secure connections (SSL/TLS) for email transmission.
15. Question: Can I attach multiple files to an email in Laravel?
16. Answer: Yes, you can attach multiple files by calling the attachData() method multiple times within the same email sending function.
17. Question: How does Laravel handle MIME type detection for email attachments?
18. Answer: Laravel relies on the provided MIME type when using attachData(). It's up to the developer to correctly specify the MIME type based on the content of the attachment.

Wrapping Up Laravel's Email Attachment Features

As we've explored, Laravel's sophisticated email handling capabilities, particularly its support for attaching in-memory files, present a significant advantage for developers looking to build efficient and secure web applications. This functionality not only reduces the need for temporary file storage but also streamlines the process of sending personalized content, offering a seamless experience for both developers and end-users. By leveraging these features, along with Laravel's comprehensive suite of email-related functionalities, developers can create more dynamic, responsive, and user-friendly applications. Understanding and implementing these techniques effectively can greatly enhance the quality of web applications, making Laravel an even more powerful tool in the arsenal of modern web development.
https://www.tempmail.us.com/en/laravel/attaching-in-memory-files-with-laravel-s-email-functionality

I've been applying for a while now, several hundred applications at this point. I've applied to jobs I'm over qualified for, underqualified, lied on my resume, (feel about that how you will) anything to just get a response back. Nothing. I've applied to jobs with more experience than my wife and she'll get a response but I wont. I'm racking my brain over it. Please share your experience with the current job market, I'm at my wits end

so as I said I failed in maths and all the other subjects results are also very bad like boundary pass and I have to take a compartment exam so can anyone give me advice on what should I do now should I continue in some random college cause not even some standard college will accept me I think so and I am 19 currently so in future will my age will be a problem?
if I want to repeat my class 12 I heard about going as a private candidate or NIOS and I don't know much about either of those as for my career I am interested in AI and I am following everyone or something like that I am genuinely interested in AI as a career I want to do something like research on AI like how can we go from this AI to AGI (Artificial General Intelligence)
so if someone is from this field or related to it like from computer science, mechanical engineering, etc. If you're willing to help plz contact me because I don't know much about these and I read some forum discussions, where they said it's better to ask someone who is from that field for career advice rather than going to some career consultation
You can ignore this
In most families, there's usually someone who holds the most power and influence. It's often the mom or dad, but in my family, it's my older sister. She's pushing me to find a career counsellor in Mumbai, and I don't have a say in it. She never listens to me and just shuts me down by saying, "What do you know?" She keeps pointing out that I can't even go outside in the community and talk to people.
I agree with her because of COVID and my introverted nature. I struggle to communicate and interact with people outside my comfort zone, and I need to get better at it fast.
But when I looked into career counsellors, I found out that many people said not to rely on them. They had bad experiences, with some counsellors not being helpful unless they were paid first. Others had issues with the career choices recommended and even with applications and visas.
They suggested getting advice directly from someone in the field, as they would have a better idea of which college is best and what specific degree and job I'll need.

so as I said I failed in maths and all the other subjects results are also very bad like boundary pass and I have to take a compartment exam so can anyone give me advice on what should I do now should I continue in some random college cause not even some standard college will accept me I think so and I am 19 currently so in future will my age will be a problem?
if I want to repeat my class 12 I heard about going as a private candidate or NIOS and I don't know much about either of those as for my career I am interested in AI and I am following everyone or something like that I am genuinely interested in AI as a career I want to do something like research on AI like how can we go from this AI to AGI (Artificial General Intelligence)
so if someone is from this field or related to it like from computer science, mechanical engineering, etc. If you're willing to help plz contact me because I don't know much about these and I read some forum discussions, where they said it's better to ask someone who is from that field for career advice rather than going to some career consultation
You can ignore this
In most families, there's usually someone who holds the most power and influence. It's often the mom or dad, but in my family, it's my older sister. She's pushing me to find a career counsellor in Mumbai, and I don't have a say in it. She never listens to me and just shuts me down by saying, "What do you know?" She keeps pointing out that I can't even go outside in the community and talk to people.
I agree with her because of COVID and my introverted nature. I struggle to communicate and interact with people outside my comfort zone, and I need to get better at it fast.
But when I looked into career counsellors, I found out that many people said not to rely on them. They had bad experiences, with some counsellors not being helpful unless they were paid first. Others had issues with the career choices recommended and even with applications and visas.
They suggested getting advice directly from someone in the field, as they would have a better idea of which college is best and what specific degree and job I'll need.

I thought the last year of school was going to be easy and I ruined everything, now I've lost my chance to get a good job.
I've already sent my application to McDonalds, now I have to see if they'll accept me.
My friends are going to be rich and have happy lives: BMW in the garage of the mansion, holidays in the Caribbean and Möet & Chandon and Bacardi for dinner and clothes from Prada and Burberry.
I, who was dumb, will be working in a dirty kitchen making food that causes diabetes and earning in a year what my friends will earn in a week and I will be living the most boring life you can imagine.
If I could, I'd go to all the schools in my country, gather all the students in the auditorium and give them a serious lecture to listen to from start to finish, without distractions or cell phones in the auditorium.
If you know someone who is at the age of choosing whether to go to university, please let them know about this, I don't want anyone else ruining their life.
And if you're the one at that point in your life: please don't be stupid, don't ruin your life, it's an insult to me and to all those who missed their chance.

Hello, I'm 19m and I applied to ibex back in January. I was unfortunately rejected after an on call interview, mostly cause at the time I was cooking and not at all prepared for a call since I thought I was already rejected (call came 2 weeks after submitting an application and getting no response) and as I was not mentally prepared my answers weren't very good.
On Friday I got a missed call from a number. Since It was PTCL I looked the number up and it was from IBEX.
I was actually thinking of going for a walk in interview a few days ago as I'm in need of a job but after this call I'm wondering if I should call them back (or wait till Tuesday to see if they call me back on Monday) or just go and give a walk in interview as to set a new first impression.

So, back when I was playing Zero Dawn, I remember two datapoints right at the beginning of the FAS building tickling my brain a bit. They were a good bit of worldbuilding, but were quickly overshadowed by the Chariot-line reveal and then the discussion between Ted and Lis at the top of the building.
I recently looked back at them, and (maybe) this was obvious to many other people, but I think a few puzzle pieces clicked into place when I re-read them. Here are the two:
https://horizon.fandom.com/wiki/Reception_Log

Reception Log: July 7, 2064 9:54 AM Field Commandant Daing of the Indo-Malay Agricultural Combine arrived with his delegation. Refreshments to be served before their 10:15 AM sales presentation on the Chariot line. Per instructions, food will be vegetarian only.
10:07 AM Sander Agnew, Vice President of Territorial Integrity from FreshGrounds Coffee Global arrived with his entourage. Refreshments to be served before their 10:30 AM sales presentation on the Chariot line. Per instructions, will use FreshGrounds "Tacoma" blend, no artificial creamers.
10:12 AM Uh...so that happened. Called security. And janitorial, to clean up the coffee that was spilled - actually, more like thrown. I wasn't aware that the Indo-Malay Combine grows coffee beans. And that FreshGrounds' "acquisition team" has tried to take their fields, by force, repeatedly. I think Commandant Daing had Agnew by the hair for a second there. Who schedules these things? I'm going to drop a line to Sales. This can't happen again.

//horizon.fandom.com/wiki/Re:_Complaint

FROM: Jay Friedkin TO: Reception SUBJECT: Re: Complaint
Hey Reception, if that is your real name. Wanna know who scheduled Indo-Malay right next to FreshGrounds? That would be me, Senior VP of Sales. Wanna know why? After that little hair-pulling incident, both sides increased their bids by 40%.
I'll explain, because your receptionist-level brain probably requires it. Those two sides are FIGHTING. And what do we sell? That's right, COMBAT MACHINES. We WANT them to hate each other. So they will try to fight each other with... what? That's right again, COMBAT MACHINES. Which they will pay us a lot of money for.
So I suggest you go back to serving coffee with a blank smile, and let me do my much-more-complicated job.
Thx a bunch, Mr. Friedkin to you

It's a bit of benign worldbuilding that sets the tone for FAS -- they intentionally put the 'FreshGrounds Coffee Global' people right next to the 'Indo-Malay Agricultural Combine' in order to get them into a fight so they'll buy into the Chariot line. Like I said above, while playing this tickled my brain as good worldbuilding, tone setting, etc. but just got filed away as 'FAS is unscrupulous. Got it.' -- indeed, this is the preamble to the Chariot line reveal; we don't know at the moment we read these datapoints that the Chariot line is the product line that became the Faro Plague.
But on a recent re-read my brain said, "Hey wait... Indo-Malay Combine. So, South Pacific? Isn't Timor in the South Pacific region too?"
It sure is. What else was from Timor and the South Pacific? Oh, right -- the Hartz-Timor Swarm.
I think that if you read between the lines a bit here, I these two datapoints might actually show the origin of the Hartz-Timor swarm. It was an engineered regional conflict by FAS -- or at least, if not engineered, shamelessly leveraged. They clearly wanted to stoke this conflict to sell Chariot-line robots. Now, it's unlikely that the same Indo-Malay Agriculture Combine is the same as the Hartz-Timor Energy Combine (presumably, one is in agriculture, the other in energy; I imagine post-Clawback South Pacific did a lot of tidal and solar energy), but it implies that FAS was very willing to pull strings to create and enflame conflict in the region.
I wouldn't be surprised if this tugged on a string that led to the 'the truth gets out,' and 'real reason for the glitch,' that's often cited as a vagueness by Lis that's yet unexplored/unresolved. I would be 0% surprised to find out that Ted gave the go-ahead on some 'questionable tactics' plan to further exploit the situation in the region. That said, I don't think the narrative needs to turn Ted into more of a monster than it already has, so maybe we'll never see exploration into that mention since at this point it's kind of exhaustive. Perhaps it somehow implicates other people/groups to pull them in full-circle.
Regardless, should we really be blaming one Jay Friedkin, Senior VP of Sales (err, sorry. Mr. Friedkin, Senior VP of Sales) for the end of the world?

I thought the last year of school was going to be easy and I ruined everything, now I've lost my chance to get a good job.
I've already sent my application to McDonalds, now I have to see if they'll accept me.
My friends are going to be rich and have happy lives: BMW in the garage of the mansion, holidays in the Caribbean and Möet & Chandon and Bacardi for dinner and clothes from Prada and Burberry.
I, who was dumb, will be working in a dirty kitchen making food that causes diabetes and earning in a year what my friends will earn in a week and I will be living the most boring life you can imagine.
If I could, I'd go to all the schools in my country, gather all the students in the auditorium and give them a serious lecture to listen to from start to finish, without distractions or cell phones in the auditorium.
If you know someone who is at the age of choosing whether to go to university, please let them know about this, I don't want anyone else ruining their life.
And if you're the one at that point in your life: please don't be stupid, don't ruin your life, it's an insult to me and to all those who missed their chance.

I thought the last year of school was going to be easy and I ruined everything, now I've lost my chance to get a good job.
I've already sent my application to McDonalds, now I have to see if they'll accept me.
My friends are going to be rich and have happy lives: BMW in the garage of the mansion, holidays in the Caribbean and Möet & Chandon and Bacardi for dinner and clothes from Prada and Burberry.
I, who was dumb, will be working in a dirty kitchen making food that causes diabetes and earning in a year what my friends will earn in a week and I will be living the most boring life you can imagine.
If I could, I'd go to all the schools in my country, gather all the students in the auditorium and give them a serious lecture to listen to from start to finish, without distractions or cell phones in the auditorium.
If you know someone who is at the age of choosing whether to go to university, please let them know about this, I don't want anyone else ruining their life.
And if you're the one at that point in your life: please don't be stupid, don't ruin your life, it's an insult to me and to all those who missed their chance.

Please help me; I am really really terrified that I was flagged to do a work history report just after I got my backpay.
And I did a terrible job on it. It was the best I could do under the circumstances but it sucked.
I’ve never been so scared.
I know that people knowingly commit fraud deliberately but I simply would not; why would I put everything on the line?
I can’t keep looking over my shoulder day and night.
This is all I can think about every second.
I’m not in any condition to fill out a ton of forms and to lose all that money.
I scared off my potential lawyer; I don’t feel I can contact him.
And I don’t know how to find another one.
Nobody would take such an impossible case, anyway. I do not blame them.
Plus there’s no contingency involved; there is no chance for larger payment like there is with an initial application.
I would not take a case under those circumstances, either.
I’m supposed to be enjoying my son graduating HS this week. No joy.
Everyone please have a blessed Sunday.

Like the title says I'm a QA engineer at one of the WITCH orgs, I've been trying to make a switch to another organisation since the beginning of this year and have had no luck. I have begun to dread my work here because after making multiple attempts to move into automation and having made actual contributions to the automation project I am still put in a manual testing role. I've never even been called for a proper interview by y any of the places I've applied to even after so many applications. I know that the current job market is bad but given how long I've been applying atleast 1 organisation could have given me a chance. I've tried using all the contacts I have to get refferals but none of them have "openings" at their place.
On top of financial pressures of having to earn more than the current salary there is the underlying fear of not ever amounting to anything professionally or financially given how much people like to hate on QA in this sub and other similar sub reddits. Seeing the current market it seems highly improbable to make it into the dev space now given most of my technical knowledge is related to testing and that too given that my prior experience is in the testing domain.
To all those who have been through a similar situation in the QA space please tell me what are the ways forward? Are there any roles where I can expect a decent pay within the QA domain? To all the people who are doing well in this space what should a career ambition be for someone like me in the next 10-15 years? Life is too frustrating right now with everything so I'd really appreciate genuine advice rather than trolls.

I'm a 25 asian male who lives with his parents. I currently have plans to pursue dental school. I've worked in dentistry while preparing my application in dental school. For the past few years, I've only been making 80k/yr (I live in a HCOL so this isn't as much as it seems) living with my parents to save money. After 6 years of investing in the market, I saved a fair amount which was enough to not need to contribute to retirement accounts (coastFIRE for anyone part of the FIRE community haha) and still retire comfortably early at 50. This was a huge goal of mine and I thought I'd be happy once I reached this- this freed up my saving to allow me to buy whatever I wanted but it turns out there's not really many things I want in life. I've spent most of my past years saving every penny to invest in the future, and that future is finally here. And yet, I'm not happy in life.
My goals when I was younger were just to buy whatever video game I wanted and order UberEats whenever I wanted. The problem is I'm on a diet trying to get lean so I meal prep everything which I already outsource. I tried ubering everywhere but I felt very uncomfortable with other people driving me around so I drive or my boyfriend drives me. I thought I'd be happy buying a Tesla but it turns out EV charging is very annoying + Teslas are very annoying to work with so I ended up not getting one after borrowing my friend's. I also thought about getting a luxury apartment nearby that's 4k/month but its honestly less convenient than living at home as I'm a few minutes away from work...The "solutions" to spending more money just end up creating more problems. I've bought a bunch of lululemon to augment my wardrobe, finally got a new phone after 8 years, upgraded to Tmobile from Mint, got a new laptop, basically bought a bunch of material stuff I've been staying away from. I went on a few flights and decided to just buy business class tickets for the fun of it and yes, it was nice, but my day to day happiness is still pretty low.
I also received a massive inheritance that basically means I don't have to work if I don't want to. The obvious question is well why don't you just quit your job? Well...I still really want to achieve my goal of trying to become a dentist and to do that, I need support of dentists to back my application which is why I still go to my job. I also really do love my work/patient interactions and work in a good environment, and something about having the freedom to say "Fuck you I quit" whenever I want makes my job a lot more enjoable. In the future, my goal is to become a part time dentist and treat my friends/family for free/charity cases, and spend the rest of my time with my kids/family/hobbies. There's also a great deal of pressure from my parents to become a dentist- they know financially I'm set (and by extension them as I've managed their portfolio for many years with great success), but this doesn't matter as I'm still not a dentist.
While I'm sure this sounds like a great problem to have, I just don't understand why I'm not happy in life. I think it's because I'm still not yet in dental school/a dentist whereas all my friends are successful in their careers but maybe there's more? I do want to get a therapist but I don't even know what I'd talk about. I know exactly how I sound: I have so much money and I don't know how to spend it wow and I"m not happy. Like jesus what a douche- this is also why I can't share this with my friends, because they'll just think I'm being a dick. Any advice?

So I have been desperately searching for a job since August last year, (I was searching for a couple months before that, but didn't have the urgency). I went through 700-800 applications with no calls for any interview. Then I started cold mailing, got a couple of calls but nothing clicked. Finally, in my last desperate attempt, I asked the only college senior that I had worked with during my PhD to help me find a job if he knows places in my city (he is in consultancy too). Well, he happened to know someone, and it happened to be a place I cold mailed twice in 6 months. This time I directly went and spoke to the CEO/ manager and he acted like he is hiring me even though there is no need for him as he recently hired 3 others. The pay is even less than my PhD stipend, but I have no options. So yeah, if you are still desperately looking for a job, it might be a good idea to ask around anybody you studied with or worked with. I know our egos and fears don't let us do such things, but it maybe one of the viable options of 2024.

So back in April I had an NCAT case which was dismissed after I appeared 2 minutes late due to torrential rain which delayed everything (not making an excuse, it’s still my fault). The lady at reception told me that I could just create another application or reinstate, but that it’s just better to do a new application because reinstating is a headache.
Now, over a month later it’s far too late to reinstate, and I didn’t have a valid reason for not appearing anyways so it wouldn’t have worked.
The hearing order says: On (date) 2024 the following orders (and/or directions) were made: 1 the application is dismissed because the applicant failed to appear. Reasons for decision: The applicant ion is dismissed because the applicant failed to appear, and no reasonable explanation has been provided to the Tribunal to explain why the Applicant was unable to appear today.
My question is, despite this, am I able to just pay again and create a new application for the same incident?
I understand that lots of people are going to say “if the receptionist said you can then you can” but with NCAT it’s never that simple. Their workers have mislead me multiple times and even contradict each other in previous conversations I’ve had.
Thank you, any help would be greatly appreciated.

so as I said I failed in maths and all the other subjects results are also very bad like boundary pass and I have to take a compartment exam so can anyone give me advice on what should I do now should I continue in some random college cause not even some standard college will accept me I think so and I am 19 currently so in future will my age will be a problem?
if I want to repeat my class 12 I heard about going as a private candidate or NIOS and I don't know much about either of those as for my career I am interested in AI and I am following everyone or something like that I am genuinely interested in AI as a career I want to do something like research on AI like how can we go from this AI to AGI (Artificial General Intelligence)
so if someone is from this field or related to it like from computer science, mechanical engineering, etc. If you're willing to help plz contact me because I don't know much about these and I read some forum discussions, where they said it's better to ask someone who is from that field for career advice rather than going to some career consultation
You can ignore this
In most families, there's usually someone who holds the most power and influence. It's often the mom or dad, but in my family, it's my older sister. She's pushing me to find a career counsellor in Mumbai, and I don't have a say in it. She never listens to me and just shuts me down by saying, "What do you know?" She keeps pointing out that I can't even go outside in the community and talk to people.
I agree with her because of COVID and my introverted nature. I struggle to communicate and interact with people outside my comfort zone, and I need to get better at it fast.
But when I looked into career counsellors, I found out that many people said not to rely on them. They had bad experiences, with some counsellors not being helpful unless they were paid first. Others had issues with the career choices recommended and even with applications and visas.
They suggested getting advice directly from someone in the field, as they would have a better idea of which college is best and what specific degree and job I'll need.

I'm a 25 asian male who lives with his parents. I currently have plans to pursue dental school. I've worked in dentistry while preparing my application in dental school. For the past few years, I've only been making 80k/yr (I live in a HCOL so this isn't as much as it seems) living with my parents to save money. After 6 years of investing in the market, I saved a fair amount which was enough to not need to contribute to retirement accounts (coastFIRE for anyone part of the FIRE community haha) and still retire comfortably early at 50. This was a huge goal of mine and I thought I'd be happy once I reached this- this freed up my saving to allow me to buy whatever I wanted but it turns out there's not really many things I want in life. I've spent most of my past years saving every penny to invest in the future, and that future is finally here. And yet, I'm not happy in life.
My goals when I was younger were just to buy whatever video game I wanted and order UberEats whenever I wanted. The problem is I'm on a diet trying to get lean so I meal prep everything which I already outsource. I tried ubering everywhere but I felt very uncomfortable with other people driving me around so I drive or my boyfriend drives me. I thought I'd be happy buying a Tesla but it turns out EV charging is very annoying + Teslas are very annoying to work with so I ended up not getting one after borrowing my friend's. I also thought about getting a luxury apartment nearby that's 4k/month but its honestly less convenient than living at home as I'm a few minutes away from work...The "solutions" to spending more money just end up creating more problems. I've bought a bunch of lululemon to augment my wardrobe, finally got a new phone after 8 years, upgraded to Tmobile from Mint, got a new laptop, basically bought a bunch of material stuff I've been staying away from. I went on a few flights and decided to just buy business class tickets for the fun of it and yes, it was nice, but my day to day happiness is still pretty low.
I also received a massive inheritance that basically means I don't have to work if I don't want to. The obvious question is well why don't you just quit your job? Well...I still really want to achieve my goal of trying to become a dentist and to do that, I need support of dentists to back my application which is why I still go to my job. I also really do love my work/patient interactions and work in a good environment, and something about having the freedom to say "Fuck you I quit" whenever I want makes my job a lot more enjoable. In the future, my goal is to become a part time dentist and treat my friends/family for free/charity cases, and spend the rest of my time with my kids/family/hobbies. There's also a great deal of pressure from my parents to become a dentist- they know financially I'm set (and by extension them as I've managed their portfolio for many years with great success), but this doesn't matter as I'm still not a dentist.
While I'm sure this sounds like a great problem to have, I just don't understand why I'm not happy in life. I think it's because I'm still not yet in dental school/a dentist whereas all my friends are successful in their careers but maybe there's more? I do want to get a therapist but I don't even know what I'd talk about. I know exactly how I sound: I have so much money and I don't know how to spend it wow and I"m not happy. Like jesus what a douche- this is also why I can't share this with my friends, because they'll just think I'm being a dick. Any advice?

Wall of BAWWWW incoming. I feel like I should preface this by saying that, as much as I hate myself, I’m probably not going to kill myself, so you don’t need to worry about that. I have pets that depend on me and a family that would be devastated if I died (which I don’t even have the decency to be grateful for) so I’m living, just out of obligation far more than a desire to actually be here. It makes me feel trapped and hopeless, but what can you do?
I’m a failure, and probably one of the most pathetic sorts of failure you can imagine, a failed artist. I loved drawing and storytelling and worldbuilding growing up and it really gave me a sense of challenge and fulfillment, and when I got to college age I decided I wanted to become a videogame artist to try and make a career out of that. Well, that hasn’t panned out like I hoped it would, I’m vastly outclassed by most other people competing in the field, and the rapid onset of AI has made things even worse. Why hire junior artists when you can just grind out a hundred AI generated pieces of concept art for free? Why should I try to get better when there’s hundreds of people who already have connections and will always surpass me anyway? I can’t even enjoy art as a hobby anymore because I’ve become so critical of anything I make, and now I’m scared to even try going back to just drawing for fun because there will always be that little voice in my head going “You weren’t good enough, disciplined enough, or persistent enough to make this work as a job. Maybe you could have done it if you weren’t such a lazy, insecure piece of shit, but now you’ve fucked up everything forever and fallen behind and missed your window. Fuck you.” Even outside my art woes, the world is just shit. Society is broken, modern media is nothing but slop designed to generate attention through hate-views and internet arguments, the governments of the world are actively screwing over the populace, and politics are becoming so violently polarized that nothing constructive is actually being done because people would rather just make things worse for the other team. I genuinely do not want to see what happens next in this shitshow, and I don’t really expect anything good to happen ever again.
I would say I want to stop trying to make a career out of game art, but the shitty thing is I’ve barely even tried. I should have been okay with sending out hundreds of applications to be rejected hundreds of times and working on improving myself and learning new skills every minute I can, because that’s what this field requires to even get a foothold. I thought I would be okay and that I could handle the challenge, but clearly that isn’t the case and I’m such a fucking lazy ass that I’ve given up before even really trying, because even the little bit I have tried was too much for me to handle. I’m 27 now, still living at home, barely driving, only working part-time. I’m a worthless piece of shit leeching off my parents because I’m too scared of leaving the nest and actually having to work hard.
I had a game project that I knew was a big scope and would require learning a lot of new things, but it seemed like something that would be fun and challenging. And for a while I felt really, really good working on it. I had a life coach who was helping me stay on track. I was slowly learning how to motivate myself with things other than shame and self-hatred. I had an idea of how to start small and make it a reality. Then I learned someone else was doing a similar project and they were leagues more talented than I was, and in that one day all the progress I made was just gone. It felt like the wobbly little tower I was building up underneath me had the base yanked out and I fell hard and never truly got back up.
I can’t go through that again, I can’t handle that kind of disappointment in myself and failure again. It hurt too much. So I think what I really want is to stop trying to try. You can’t fail if you stop trying, and if you make yourself stop caring about anything, it won’t hurt so much that you’re a failure in the first place. Ultimately that’s what I want, to stop caring about anything. I want to open up my skull and rip out every emotion, every aspiration, every goal, every bit of creativity, every little idea that will never be fulfilled, and get rid of it all forever. On my worst days I even want to get rid of my hobbies, my interests, and everything that might make me feel any scrap of positive emotion or interest just so I can be completely and utterly flat. They’re already not doing me much good. I can distract myself with games or other stuff, but distraction is all it is. Trying anything new might make me feel emotions, or even worse, be disappointing, so that’s off the table too. I want to find a medication that will blunt me so hard I never feel anything ever again. Just be an NPC with no inner monologue or opinions or aspirations and just go through the motions of life for the next sixty or so years until I finally die. Get a boring pointless job and just exist. That way I’m not really dead and my family doesn’t have to be sad, but I don’t have to really be living either. I don’t want to be happy because I don’t think I deserve it. I just want to not be sad.
I know there’s shit like mindfulness, detachment, self-compassion, and emotional acceptance. And those are all good and healthy things, but I don’t want that. I don’t want to be nice to myself because I don’t deserve it. I want to hurt myself (mentally). I want to break myself emotionally so thoroughly that I never feel or care about a single thing ever again. I want to rip my amygdala out. I want to kill my personality and just leave the body behind on autopilot. I’m tired of having no control over my emotions or thought patterns. Every other day I get into a depressive spiral like this, thinking about how much I hate myself and how badly I wish I could stop feeling things. If I could press a button and get rid of all of my negative emotions at the cost of my positive ones, you best believe I would do it.