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2024.06.09 17:33 Ace201613 Review: The Blade Itself (First Law Trilogy), by Joe Abercrombie
All things come to an end. But some only lie still, forgotten
This book is fantastic. I've been wanting to say that since I finished it a few days ago. There are books that you see mentioned all the time and to some extent you think "i'm sure its good, but there's probably some exaggeration in there as well". You expect to be let down and try not to get your hopes up too high. Because there's nothing worse than having high expectations and being let down. Well, The Blade Itself is a case where high expectations are well earned. The start was a bit slow for me. Random guy gets attacked in the woods by some monsters, then falls off a cliff. I was wondering "Ok. Where are we going with this? Is he the protagonist or just a walking dead guy meant to show the tone of the story?" But from that introduction this grows into a truly epic tale set in kind of a harsh world in which you'll see a growing war, magical powers returning, and different political players seeking to take advantage wherever they can. If I had to throw three important words out to describe this book it would be Action, Characters, Intrigue.
This isn't some power fantasy where the protagonist is getting into fights every chapter and steamrolling all of his opponents. But when he, or anyone else, gets into a fight it's a real, no holds barred, tip of the nose, bloody fight. Political/social intrigue is just as important, if not more so, because this is a case where the plot focuses heavily on the actual politics involved in running different organizations and gradually building toward, what seems like it'll be, a new world war. And at the heart of everything it's the point of view characters that bring it all together and make you want to keep reading. Kudos to the author for actually making them all distinct. There are a few similarities between some of them, but this isn't a story in which you'll be confused when switching from one to the other.
In my opinion, this story is kind of a giant subversion on classic fantasy tropes. I'd say the "main" protagonist is Logen Ninefingers, a viscious northman with a bloody past who seems to be trying to change for the better. But that past keeps coming back to bite him as he associates with old enemies and, more importantly, comes into contact with the mage Bayaz who wants to use Logen for unknown reasons. And that's one major subversion right there. Bayaz and Logen come into contact because Bayaz sent his apprentice to find Logen. Bayaz didn't do it himself. Bayaz and Logen aren't old friends. Bayaz didn't know Logen's father (Or if he did it isn't mentioned here). Bayaz knows of Logen, needs him for something, and sends someone to fetch him. He does the same with another protagonist from a different region of the world named Ferro Maljinn. In fact, the group of companions that has formed by the story's end were all gathered by Bayaz, mostly through him sending his proxies to find them. And he clearly has some mystical quest planned for them all, but this isn't a story about destiny or fate leading a group together. It's not about friends reuniting or one man gradually gathering a group of trusted friends who he saves on his way. It's all the manipulations of Bayaz setting these characters up to follow him, as if he's moving chess pieces on a board. And its brilliant.
Bayaz himself is not the stereotypical wise wizard. Instead you have this solidly built, bald, arrogant man who will set a group of men on fire, be physically taxed by it, and keep going on his merry way. He's not providing words of wisdom, he's speaking in riddles and keeping his cards close to the chest. He looks down his nose at his apprentice constantly and clearly believes he knows what's best for everyone. In turn you have Logen who is trying to be better, but constantly struggling to do so and by the story's end he completely loses it to what could be called a more bloodthirsty alter ego (The Bloody Nine) who proceeds to kill the enemies before him like a maniac. Ferro, who in another story might be a noble freedom fighter after having escaped slavery, is in some ways just as harsh as Logen, seeking to cause as much harm as possible to the people she despises (And notably being pretty damn racist as well lol). None of these characters, and there are more I haven't mentioned, are who you'd expect them to be in a classical fantasy novel, but it's handled so damn well and I love it.
Apart from Logen and Ferro there are 4 other point of view characters.
Collem West, an aging soldier from a poor background
Dogman, a northman who was in a group with Logen right as things went to shit at the story's start
Sand dan Glokta, former soldier, current cripple and member of the King's Inquisition
Jezal dan Luthar, nobleman and aspiring swordsman who is too lazy for his own good
I'll say that Ferro absolutely gets the least amount of focus, probably followed by the Dogman right after. Collem and Jezal are actual friends at the story's start, so even when you're following one of them the other will often appear as well. Glokta will pop up in their segments too, and vice versa, since all 3 of them are located in the same city. Overall, i'd say this is an excellent example of handling different points of view properly. It isn't just because the characters have major differences between them, it's about how the writing divides page time between all of them. Furthermore, there's an overarching story that all of their narratives play into even though individually they aren't aware of this. It's fun to see something like Jezal reacting to Bayaz, wondering why the Mage seems so interested in him, and right afterward you have Glokta looking into Bayaz to see if he is who he says he is. Things like that not only kept me interested, it built my interest in the story as it went on because I wanted to see which characters would end up interacting by the story's end.
All of the characters are great and could have carried a story on their own, but i'd like to take a moment and say Logen was my favorite. There's something so tragic about this guy who has clearly lived a bloody life, references it often in almost everything he says or does, who does seem like he wants to change, but clearly can't change. A really interesting segment was when he first arrived in Adua, the nation's capitol. Having always lived in a completely different land that has a suitably different climate and landscape he reacts as you'd expect him to. He panics. He is lost in a crowd, finds it to be stifling hot, doesn't understand the way people react to him or how they treat one another. I'd say he was on the verge of passing out from a panic attack to be honest. He is a foreigner in a strange land and he reacts as such. It's a generally small moment in the entire book, but it's one of my favorites because it shows a level of thought that you don't see from every author. That's how a character like Logen should be reacting, but more often than not things like this aren't even touched upon. And when he's trapped by enemies at the end with no hope of escape, wounded and covered in blood, he finally loses it. The beast inside himself that he hid away the entire time finally comes out and you can see why his enemies who know him tried to get rid of him. You can see why he does want to move beyond that and why he is adamant that the world probably would have been better off without him. I'm repeating myself, but it's all done so well and I love it.
I'm willing to say that if the next 2 books in this trilogy are written as well as this one i'd place the series on my list of favorites. There's so much i'm not mentioned, but I was very impressed and it was a pleasure to read. Sometimes when reading a book can feel like a chore, because you're not really enjoying it but you want to finish it. This is a case where I became a kid again, staying up later and later to read one more chapter, my mind constantly turning over the events of the book to wonder what would happen next. I was lost in this story and it was actually fun to read. Very violent, bloody, and sure to have a bittersweet ending when all is said and done (I have the feeling that both Logen and Collem will probably die), but absolutely fun. I suggest it to anyone who enjoys stories like Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire or books with multiple POV characters for you to follow.
submitted by Ace201613 to Fantasy [link] [comments]
This book is fantastic. I've been wanting to say that since I finished it a few days ago. There are books that you see mentioned all the time and to some extent you think "i'm sure its good, but there's probably some exaggeration in there as well". You expect to be let down and try not to get your hopes up too high. Because there's nothing worse than having high expectations and being let down. Well, The Blade Itself is a case where high expectations are well earned. The start was a bit slow for me. Random guy gets attacked in the woods by some monsters, then falls off a cliff. I was wondering "Ok. Where are we going with this? Is he the protagonist or just a walking dead guy meant to show the tone of the story?" But from that introduction this grows into a truly epic tale set in kind of a harsh world in which you'll see a growing war, magical powers returning, and different political players seeking to take advantage wherever they can. If I had to throw three important words out to describe this book it would be Action, Characters, Intrigue.
This isn't some power fantasy where the protagonist is getting into fights every chapter and steamrolling all of his opponents. But when he, or anyone else, gets into a fight it's a real, no holds barred, tip of the nose, bloody fight. Political/social intrigue is just as important, if not more so, because this is a case where the plot focuses heavily on the actual politics involved in running different organizations and gradually building toward, what seems like it'll be, a new world war. And at the heart of everything it's the point of view characters that bring it all together and make you want to keep reading. Kudos to the author for actually making them all distinct. There are a few similarities between some of them, but this isn't a story in which you'll be confused when switching from one to the other.
Thoughts
It's a sorry fact that the man who strikes first usually strikes lastIn my opinion, this story is kind of a giant subversion on classic fantasy tropes. I'd say the "main" protagonist is Logen Ninefingers, a viscious northman with a bloody past who seems to be trying to change for the better. But that past keeps coming back to bite him as he associates with old enemies and, more importantly, comes into contact with the mage Bayaz who wants to use Logen for unknown reasons. And that's one major subversion right there. Bayaz and Logen come into contact because Bayaz sent his apprentice to find Logen. Bayaz didn't do it himself. Bayaz and Logen aren't old friends. Bayaz didn't know Logen's father (Or if he did it isn't mentioned here). Bayaz knows of Logen, needs him for something, and sends someone to fetch him. He does the same with another protagonist from a different region of the world named Ferro Maljinn. In fact, the group of companions that has formed by the story's end were all gathered by Bayaz, mostly through him sending his proxies to find them. And he clearly has some mystical quest planned for them all, but this isn't a story about destiny or fate leading a group together. It's not about friends reuniting or one man gradually gathering a group of trusted friends who he saves on his way. It's all the manipulations of Bayaz setting these characters up to follow him, as if he's moving chess pieces on a board. And its brilliant.
Bayaz himself is not the stereotypical wise wizard. Instead you have this solidly built, bald, arrogant man who will set a group of men on fire, be physically taxed by it, and keep going on his merry way. He's not providing words of wisdom, he's speaking in riddles and keeping his cards close to the chest. He looks down his nose at his apprentice constantly and clearly believes he knows what's best for everyone. In turn you have Logen who is trying to be better, but constantly struggling to do so and by the story's end he completely loses it to what could be called a more bloodthirsty alter ego (The Bloody Nine) who proceeds to kill the enemies before him like a maniac. Ferro, who in another story might be a noble freedom fighter after having escaped slavery, is in some ways just as harsh as Logen, seeking to cause as much harm as possible to the people she despises (And notably being pretty damn racist as well lol). None of these characters, and there are more I haven't mentioned, are who you'd expect them to be in a classical fantasy novel, but it's handled so damn well and I love it.
Points of View
Why do I do this? Why?Apart from Logen and Ferro there are 4 other point of view characters.
Collem West, an aging soldier from a poor background
Dogman, a northman who was in a group with Logen right as things went to shit at the story's start
Sand dan Glokta, former soldier, current cripple and member of the King's Inquisition
Jezal dan Luthar, nobleman and aspiring swordsman who is too lazy for his own good
I'll say that Ferro absolutely gets the least amount of focus, probably followed by the Dogman right after. Collem and Jezal are actual friends at the story's start, so even when you're following one of them the other will often appear as well. Glokta will pop up in their segments too, and vice versa, since all 3 of them are located in the same city. Overall, i'd say this is an excellent example of handling different points of view properly. It isn't just because the characters have major differences between them, it's about how the writing divides page time between all of them. Furthermore, there's an overarching story that all of their narratives play into even though individually they aren't aware of this. It's fun to see something like Jezal reacting to Bayaz, wondering why the Mage seems so interested in him, and right afterward you have Glokta looking into Bayaz to see if he is who he says he is. Things like that not only kept me interested, it built my interest in the story as it went on because I wanted to see which characters would end up interacting by the story's end.
Logen
Mercy, the man was like a child. A six and a half food child with a face like a butchers blockAll of the characters are great and could have carried a story on their own, but i'd like to take a moment and say Logen was my favorite. There's something so tragic about this guy who has clearly lived a bloody life, references it often in almost everything he says or does, who does seem like he wants to change, but clearly can't change. A really interesting segment was when he first arrived in Adua, the nation's capitol. Having always lived in a completely different land that has a suitably different climate and landscape he reacts as you'd expect him to. He panics. He is lost in a crowd, finds it to be stifling hot, doesn't understand the way people react to him or how they treat one another. I'd say he was on the verge of passing out from a panic attack to be honest. He is a foreigner in a strange land and he reacts as such. It's a generally small moment in the entire book, but it's one of my favorites because it shows a level of thought that you don't see from every author. That's how a character like Logen should be reacting, but more often than not things like this aren't even touched upon. And when he's trapped by enemies at the end with no hope of escape, wounded and covered in blood, he finally loses it. The beast inside himself that he hid away the entire time finally comes out and you can see why his enemies who know him tried to get rid of him. You can see why he does want to move beyond that and why he is adamant that the world probably would have been better off without him. I'm repeating myself, but it's all done so well and I love it.
Conclusion
The blade itself incites to deeds of violenceI'm willing to say that if the next 2 books in this trilogy are written as well as this one i'd place the series on my list of favorites. There's so much i'm not mentioned, but I was very impressed and it was a pleasure to read. Sometimes when reading a book can feel like a chore, because you're not really enjoying it but you want to finish it. This is a case where I became a kid again, staying up later and later to read one more chapter, my mind constantly turning over the events of the book to wonder what would happen next. I was lost in this story and it was actually fun to read. Very violent, bloody, and sure to have a bittersweet ending when all is said and done (I have the feeling that both Logen and Collem will probably die), but absolutely fun. I suggest it to anyone who enjoys stories like Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire or books with multiple POV characters for you to follow.
2024.06.09 17:31 Ancillary_Adam My back pain journey since 2007, failures and successes
Hi all, After reading a lot of post here recently, I kinda wanted to tell my story to give others perspective about treatment options. Obviously, this is MY story and everyone here is different. My experience will not be the same as yours, and I am not a doctor telling you to try these options. But I have had a lot done, and I think it might be helpful if people understand what they can try.
I appreciate everyone who reads even one section of this saga. I am happy to answer any questions that people might have. Again, this was my journey and these things might not be the best options for you. But I want to highlight that pain, itself, is not the disease. It is a symptom. Find doctors who will help you find the cause of it. Sometimes it's difficult to pinpoint the source of pain, but there are options to try different things.
Part 1: How it Started
In 2007 I was 17 years old. During the summer, I got a job working as a bus boy at a reception hall. One night, I was sweeping the floor, nothing different than normal, but I suddenly had intense shooting pain down my hip and leg just from the way I bent down to sweep. That was all it took to set me off on what would be a long life of pain.
I remember the sciatica being really bad during this period. My parents and I were taking care trips to look at colleges and sitting in a car was torture. At some point they told me to see a chiropractor so I started doing that on a pretty regular basis. I went to college in 2012 and continued to have pain. There was always constant pain but I would always have times when it was much worse and it was painful to even walk normally. I recall having my parents visit and I was limping all day because I couldn't extend my left leg out fully.
I continued to see a chiropractor in the area for maybe two or three of the years I was away at school. Chiropractor never really helped though. During one of the summer breaks, I went to a chiropractor who had this decompression machine that would literally strap you down and pull you apart in an attempt to relieve pressure. It never helped. I am pretty sure by this time I already had an MRI done that probably showed some level of lumbar herniation so I guess that is why I wanted to try that type of treatment.
Chiropractics is not a legitimate science. I hadn't realized this until later in college (I was a biomed major). Their theories on spinal health do not align with known medical science. Some chiropractor align more with real medical science, but a lot of them only believe what the area of chiropractics says. I strongly recommend NEVER seeing a chiropractor, especially if you have back pain. It could be dangerous.
Part 2: The First Surgery and More Treatments
So when I graduated from college in 2012, I sought out an orthopedic surgeon. We did more MRIs. I can't recall if we tried anything more conservative first, but I did end up having surgery with him in 2013. We did a microdiscectomy and hemilaminectomy on both L3-4 and L4-5. Recovery from this was about what you would expect. Lots of bed rest for maybe 6 weeks or so, but I recovered well and went to PT for a couple of months. I think the surgery was successful in treating a lot of the serious sciatica I was having. But I was still having some level of back pain months and months after. I was then seeing the pain management doctor at the same office as the surgeon, and we tried a LOT of different additional things. Facet joint injections specifically, trigger point injections, medications. Nothing ever helped. I still have this pain in my low back and it was difficult to bend over without bracing myself, and there were times when I would get sciatic pain but not nearly as bad as it was before the surgery.
At one point I went to a rheumatologist because the pain doctor did some blood work and found I was positive for a gene that is related to ankylosing spondylitis. I was never actually diagnosed with this, but we tried to medications (I think maybe methotrexate but I could be wrong). The rheumatologist ended up putting me on humira, which looking back was a odd decision without actually officially diagnosing me with anything. Humira is a monthly injection, and I think after two months, my pain actually got a lot worse, and I stopped taking it and never went back to him.
For the most part after this, I was just taking Tramadol an naproxen to deal with my pain. I was going to the gym and doing what I could, but often the gym would exacerbate my symptoms. It was just difficult to do anything without feeling weak and obviously, it definitely contributed to some depression.
Part 3: New Pain Doctors and Spinal Cord Stimulator
In 2016, I got a new job that brought me into NYC and I now had access to great insurance and a wide array of great doctors. I found a new pain management doctor and tried a lot of things with him. He put me on Nucynta at some point, which is a narcotic, though I would only take it when I had break through pain. Pretty quickly, only a couple months after in 2017, we decided to try a spinal cord stimulator since I had already tried all these other things with other doctors.
I had to see a neurologist who would be doing the actual implanting of the device. I also had to see a phsychiatrist to get I guess "mental" clearance that I was in sound mind to be making this decision about a medical device implant. Not sure if that was just for the insurance or something the doctors also require. Before doing a full implant, they actually do a test run. I guess I had gone under general anesthesia for this, but they implant the wires (explained more below) and the wires come out of my skin to an external device and all of that is taped down to my low back. They do this so that they can make sure you actually get relief from the device before all the time, energy, and money is spent doing the full implant. I had it for a couple weeks, and decided to move forward. They had to remove the wires from me and scheduled me for just a regular office visit, and I was thinking well how the heck are they removing these wires from me. Well, it was very easy. They literally just pulled the wires right out of my back. Didn't feel anything. It was wild.
I have a Nevro brand stimulator impanted inside me shortly after. Surgery and recovery were as you would expect. I don't thinm recovery was as long as my back surgery was. There is a little 1x1 inch square box that sits above my right glute, around where my waistband would sit. There are two sets of wires that run over my spine to the left side (so I can actually feel the wires right under my skin at this part) and then they go between my vertebral space and then all the way up my spinal canal to my thoracic area. At the end of the wires (aka "leads") there are several evenly spaced electrodes and these are the functional part of the device. From what I understand, they send small electrically pulses very rapidly against my spinal cord and the idea is that these electric signals will over power pain signals coming from below, effectively making my brain blind to sciatic pain. It came with a remote to change the settings and a charger that uses a wireless pad that you hold over the box to charge. I had to charge it ever two or three days. The technician from the company does the initial set up (they device doesn't operate until you are recovered from the procedure and see the technician at your next office visit, I believe). The technician will turn the device on wirelessly and play with the settings and ask you to tell them when you feel something as the increase the magnitude of the stimulation. When you feel it, it does feel like a little electric buzzing in your back. But you aren't supposed to feel it at all, so they the turn it down just below where you felt the sensation. The remote has a couple different programs that I could change through that the technician programs, I guess changes in the frequency of the pulsing or things like that. I could also increase and decrease the magnitude within a set range, but for the most part I never messed with any of the settings. Nevro has a care team that I can contact at any time with questions or concerns and they will follow up with me occasionally to see how I am doing.
Part 4: Life After the Stimulator
I always had the stimulator on, and always said that it did help alleviate the residual sciatic symptoms I had, but I still had this low back pain that wouldn't go away. I continued to see the pain management doctor and we tried so other things. More trigger point injections, medications, etc. He had me on what is called "Low dose naltrexone" which is essentially a very low dose of an existing drug, used off label for chronic pain. It had to be specially made at a compounding pharmacy because the dose you need isn't commercially available. I tried that for a couple months and can't say it helped. In fact, I think it made me very nauseous a lot of the time. I remember I had to stop drinking coffee at one point because the taste of it would make me feel queezy, and one or two times I ran to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to throw up. I decided to stop taking it.
After that, I mostly just lived with my stimulator and dealt with any pain I had (hadn't seen the doctor since 2020). I was going to the gym someone regularly at this point, but like before it would often increase my pain symptoms so I would need to take extended breaks from exercise.
Part 5: Recurrent Herniation
At the beginning of November 2023, I started to feel something new. I was starting to slowly get sciatic symptoms again and was having flashbacks of my symptoms when I was in college. I was starting to get sciatica in both legs, and my right foot would sometimes start going numb if I stood for too long. It was getting more and more severe. Within a few weeks, I had to stop commuting into work because the pain was getting so bad. I contacted my pain management doctor who I hadn't seen in years. Their office was telling me how since I hadn't been there in so long I had to be treated as a new patient and the first opening for a new patient was like 2 or 3 weeks out. I was pretty angry at them about this. I mean, this doctor did the implant of the medical device that I have...should that not exempt me from this rule? Its not like this was an appointment for an unrelated issue. Anyway, the first available appointment was with a different doctor, but I was desperate so I saw him. He was not helpful. I was basically begging for pain meds and he was like welllll the other doctor should really prescribe you something because he knows your case better. It was such a a waste of time.
About a week or two later I did in fact see my original doctor, and he had the Nevro technician come because he thought it could potentially be an issue with the device. The technician found that there was "impedence" on one of the leads, a couple of the electrodes weren't working as they should. So she did some adjustments to compensate for that. I have it a week or so, but that did not fix the problem at all. I stopped charging the stimulator altogether because it wasn't doing anything for me. I had to start using a cane to get around because if I was standing, I needed something to lean on so I didn't have to keep my back straight. It was getting very difficult.
The doctor had me get a regular CT done, because I cannot get an MRI due to the stimulator (the stimulator itself is actually MRI safe and I think most of them are not, but because of the issue with the electrodes, my Nevro care team told me I could not get an MRI). So I and the CT and I could see it myself. It was absolutely clear that there was a herniation at L4-L5. Clear as day. So I had a video call with the doctors assistance soon after and to my dismay, they suggested treatment was to get an epidural to reduce the pain. Here I am, knowing full well that my symptoms and the results of the MRI are definitely worthy of surgery, and they want to give me just an epidural. I asked her about surgery and she said something about not opting for surgery until exhausting other options. I said okay. After the call, I immediately reached out to my friend who worked at the Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC. She actually works with the director of Spinal Surgery. Immediately, I was in contact with him and his entire team and they moved quickly to get things moving. I regret not having reached out sooner.
Part 6: Prep for Second Surgery
So the first thing to do was get better imagining. Since the MRI was out of the question, I had to do something called a CT Myelogram. Oh boy this was not a fun diagnostic procedure.
You need to be accompanied to the appointment because they will be giving you some very light sedative. You are hooked up to an IV, and they bring you into a room with a special x-ray table that rotates so you can be either laying flat or raised up so you are nearly standing, and the X-rays can be taken from many different angles. The doctor there take a couple of initial scans to find the location where they go in. I am queezy just talking about it right now. What they need to do is inject contrast dye right into my spinal canal. An epidural goes AROUND your spinal canal, but for this they need to pierce the dura and go in.
So they do local anesthesia and then take quite a large needle and go in. It is painful because it is going so deep. But God, you can feel the piecing of the dura layer when the needle goes through. I immediately feel my body hating it. Then they inject the dye, and you can feel that sort of cold sensation spreading across your back. And then he takes the needle out. I start to get VERY hot and am about to pass out, so they put some ice on the bacm of my neck and give me a minute to come back down. They also gave me some IV zofran to help with nausea and some IV sedative for the pain Thankfully it passed. But that wasnt even the difficult part.
Next, they have to make sure the dye gets into all the crevices. So the doctor rotates the table to different angles and has you try and bend in specific ways. It was incredibly painful to do. When he had me in an almost standing position, and the pressure of the dye was increasing my leg pain beyond anything I had experienced so far. It was really difficult. But once they are satisfied with the X-ray that shows the dye has spread well, they send you to the CT scan. Once I was laying down again the pain subsided and I was feeling better. They did the CT scan and then rolled me back to the recovery room, and by the time I was back in there I was feels 100% back to normal and had no issues getting up and walking. So that was that.
The image results were very telling (gunna try and include them here or in a comment if I can). The point of this type of imaging is that the contract dye with spread anywhere that the CSF can go. You should be able to clearly see the space all around the spinal cord, and if there are spots where you don't see the dye, you will be able to see what is causing some problems. It was plain to see how severe this herniation was. It was compressing my spinal cord and pushing it all the way to the back of the spinal column.
So the doctor said we have two options. A microdiscectomy or a fusion. We decided to do a MD though I would be okay with a fusion. Well guess what, two days before the surgery the doctor changed his mind and said that after reviewing the imaging again the best course of action would be to do a fusion. I was very excited for that.
Part 7: The Fusion
So at the end of Feb 2024 I had my fusion done. It was your standard surgery, nothing too crazy. Recovery was tough though. Basically with a fusion, they take out the herniation and most of the disc and they put this rubbery block in there that contains bone graft. That is what is going to grow to fuse the two vertebrae, but that process can take a year to fully fuse the bones. So they put in four screws, two in each vertebrae, and join them together with rods. This holds the bones together completely so that they do not move independently. They are essentially fused at this point, but only with the rods.
For recovery, the first couple days were difficult, mostly trying to stand up from laying down because I had like no low back strength. The pain was also pretty constant so I was taking a lot of muscle relaxers and narcotics to help me stay asleep as much as possible.
The surgery area was quiet large. There were two large bandages and two small bandages and the entire area was covered in a large adhesive patch to keep everything clean and dry (it was also very orange from the iodine). So I could shower without worrying about it. Within two weeks I was moving around a lot better. I might have stopped using my cane at this point, though anything that required me to reach forward, like washing my hands at the sink, was difficult because it would require back strength. By 2 weeks, the bandage had because really really frustrating. The huge adhesive patch was causing my skin to become itchy and irritated, and I could see they I was starting to develop some red bumps like pimples underneath. Thankfully 2 weeks was the point I could remove it (after my first follow up call with the doctors team). So I took it off which was not easy. The whole area was soooo sticky, I tried to remove a lot of the stickiness with either rubbing alcohol, soap, or Vaseline. I was able to get a lot of it off but some stickiness still lasted for several days. There will tiny bandages over the incision sites that covered the stitches and those would eventually all fall off themselves. I had two larger scars at the top where they did most of the work of cutting out the disc and putting in the graft, and then two tiny scars lower down where I assume they put in the screws for the lower vertabrae. My back does not look pretty.
I started PT at four weeks was doing better but still had a weak back and was very cautious with my movements. Did PT for 12 weeks and made a lot of improvement. I was back to how I was. The fusion 100% fix the issues that this new herniation had caused, and it was such a relief to finally have a procedure that was totally effective. However, the back pain that I had already had for many many years was and is still there and I am still not certain what is causing it.
Part 8: Now
I am about 20 weeks out of surgery and am still doing great. I still do not use my stimulator and don't plan to, but having to get it removed would be a really huge pain. I have started to actually go to a gym again and life weights to stay active. I am mostly convinced that this low back pain I still have is really muscle related, caused by the years of instability, and that I can address it by strengthly my core muscles and following my PT exercises. I think a lot of these muscles issues, like trigger points, can mimic sciatic symptoms. Knowing what REAL sciatic symptoms feel like again, this pain doesn't feel like I have a herniation pushing on my nerves. So I am going forward with that in mind and trying to deal with this pain muscularly.
As for the fusion, I don't notice any new limitations in my movement. I avoid rubbing the area because I could feel the rods if I rub it hard enough. But I feel normal. I had a follow up with the doctor with another X-ray and everything looks great. I am hoping that this can be a turning point for me to really live as close to a pain free life as possible.
submitted by Ancillary_Adam to Sciatica [link] [comments]
I appreciate everyone who reads even one section of this saga. I am happy to answer any questions that people might have. Again, this was my journey and these things might not be the best options for you. But I want to highlight that pain, itself, is not the disease. It is a symptom. Find doctors who will help you find the cause of it. Sometimes it's difficult to pinpoint the source of pain, but there are options to try different things.
Part 1: How it Started
In 2007 I was 17 years old. During the summer, I got a job working as a bus boy at a reception hall. One night, I was sweeping the floor, nothing different than normal, but I suddenly had intense shooting pain down my hip and leg just from the way I bent down to sweep. That was all it took to set me off on what would be a long life of pain.
I remember the sciatica being really bad during this period. My parents and I were taking care trips to look at colleges and sitting in a car was torture. At some point they told me to see a chiropractor so I started doing that on a pretty regular basis. I went to college in 2012 and continued to have pain. There was always constant pain but I would always have times when it was much worse and it was painful to even walk normally. I recall having my parents visit and I was limping all day because I couldn't extend my left leg out fully.
I continued to see a chiropractor in the area for maybe two or three of the years I was away at school. Chiropractor never really helped though. During one of the summer breaks, I went to a chiropractor who had this decompression machine that would literally strap you down and pull you apart in an attempt to relieve pressure. It never helped. I am pretty sure by this time I already had an MRI done that probably showed some level of lumbar herniation so I guess that is why I wanted to try that type of treatment.
Chiropractics is not a legitimate science. I hadn't realized this until later in college (I was a biomed major). Their theories on spinal health do not align with known medical science. Some chiropractor align more with real medical science, but a lot of them only believe what the area of chiropractics says. I strongly recommend NEVER seeing a chiropractor, especially if you have back pain. It could be dangerous.
Part 2: The First Surgery and More Treatments
So when I graduated from college in 2012, I sought out an orthopedic surgeon. We did more MRIs. I can't recall if we tried anything more conservative first, but I did end up having surgery with him in 2013. We did a microdiscectomy and hemilaminectomy on both L3-4 and L4-5. Recovery from this was about what you would expect. Lots of bed rest for maybe 6 weeks or so, but I recovered well and went to PT for a couple of months. I think the surgery was successful in treating a lot of the serious sciatica I was having. But I was still having some level of back pain months and months after. I was then seeing the pain management doctor at the same office as the surgeon, and we tried a LOT of different additional things. Facet joint injections specifically, trigger point injections, medications. Nothing ever helped. I still have this pain in my low back and it was difficult to bend over without bracing myself, and there were times when I would get sciatic pain but not nearly as bad as it was before the surgery.
At one point I went to a rheumatologist because the pain doctor did some blood work and found I was positive for a gene that is related to ankylosing spondylitis. I was never actually diagnosed with this, but we tried to medications (I think maybe methotrexate but I could be wrong). The rheumatologist ended up putting me on humira, which looking back was a odd decision without actually officially diagnosing me with anything. Humira is a monthly injection, and I think after two months, my pain actually got a lot worse, and I stopped taking it and never went back to him.
For the most part after this, I was just taking Tramadol an naproxen to deal with my pain. I was going to the gym and doing what I could, but often the gym would exacerbate my symptoms. It was just difficult to do anything without feeling weak and obviously, it definitely contributed to some depression.
Part 3: New Pain Doctors and Spinal Cord Stimulator
In 2016, I got a new job that brought me into NYC and I now had access to great insurance and a wide array of great doctors. I found a new pain management doctor and tried a lot of things with him. He put me on Nucynta at some point, which is a narcotic, though I would only take it when I had break through pain. Pretty quickly, only a couple months after in 2017, we decided to try a spinal cord stimulator since I had already tried all these other things with other doctors.
I had to see a neurologist who would be doing the actual implanting of the device. I also had to see a phsychiatrist to get I guess "mental" clearance that I was in sound mind to be making this decision about a medical device implant. Not sure if that was just for the insurance or something the doctors also require. Before doing a full implant, they actually do a test run. I guess I had gone under general anesthesia for this, but they implant the wires (explained more below) and the wires come out of my skin to an external device and all of that is taped down to my low back. They do this so that they can make sure you actually get relief from the device before all the time, energy, and money is spent doing the full implant. I had it for a couple weeks, and decided to move forward. They had to remove the wires from me and scheduled me for just a regular office visit, and I was thinking well how the heck are they removing these wires from me. Well, it was very easy. They literally just pulled the wires right out of my back. Didn't feel anything. It was wild.
I have a Nevro brand stimulator impanted inside me shortly after. Surgery and recovery were as you would expect. I don't thinm recovery was as long as my back surgery was. There is a little 1x1 inch square box that sits above my right glute, around where my waistband would sit. There are two sets of wires that run over my spine to the left side (so I can actually feel the wires right under my skin at this part) and then they go between my vertebral space and then all the way up my spinal canal to my thoracic area. At the end of the wires (aka "leads") there are several evenly spaced electrodes and these are the functional part of the device. From what I understand, they send small electrically pulses very rapidly against my spinal cord and the idea is that these electric signals will over power pain signals coming from below, effectively making my brain blind to sciatic pain. It came with a remote to change the settings and a charger that uses a wireless pad that you hold over the box to charge. I had to charge it ever two or three days. The technician from the company does the initial set up (they device doesn't operate until you are recovered from the procedure and see the technician at your next office visit, I believe). The technician will turn the device on wirelessly and play with the settings and ask you to tell them when you feel something as the increase the magnitude of the stimulation. When you feel it, it does feel like a little electric buzzing in your back. But you aren't supposed to feel it at all, so they the turn it down just below where you felt the sensation. The remote has a couple different programs that I could change through that the technician programs, I guess changes in the frequency of the pulsing or things like that. I could also increase and decrease the magnitude within a set range, but for the most part I never messed with any of the settings. Nevro has a care team that I can contact at any time with questions or concerns and they will follow up with me occasionally to see how I am doing.
Part 4: Life After the Stimulator
I always had the stimulator on, and always said that it did help alleviate the residual sciatic symptoms I had, but I still had this low back pain that wouldn't go away. I continued to see the pain management doctor and we tried so other things. More trigger point injections, medications, etc. He had me on what is called "Low dose naltrexone" which is essentially a very low dose of an existing drug, used off label for chronic pain. It had to be specially made at a compounding pharmacy because the dose you need isn't commercially available. I tried that for a couple months and can't say it helped. In fact, I think it made me very nauseous a lot of the time. I remember I had to stop drinking coffee at one point because the taste of it would make me feel queezy, and one or two times I ran to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to throw up. I decided to stop taking it.
After that, I mostly just lived with my stimulator and dealt with any pain I had (hadn't seen the doctor since 2020). I was going to the gym someone regularly at this point, but like before it would often increase my pain symptoms so I would need to take extended breaks from exercise.
Part 5: Recurrent Herniation
At the beginning of November 2023, I started to feel something new. I was starting to slowly get sciatic symptoms again and was having flashbacks of my symptoms when I was in college. I was starting to get sciatica in both legs, and my right foot would sometimes start going numb if I stood for too long. It was getting more and more severe. Within a few weeks, I had to stop commuting into work because the pain was getting so bad. I contacted my pain management doctor who I hadn't seen in years. Their office was telling me how since I hadn't been there in so long I had to be treated as a new patient and the first opening for a new patient was like 2 or 3 weeks out. I was pretty angry at them about this. I mean, this doctor did the implant of the medical device that I have...should that not exempt me from this rule? Its not like this was an appointment for an unrelated issue. Anyway, the first available appointment was with a different doctor, but I was desperate so I saw him. He was not helpful. I was basically begging for pain meds and he was like welllll the other doctor should really prescribe you something because he knows your case better. It was such a a waste of time.
About a week or two later I did in fact see my original doctor, and he had the Nevro technician come because he thought it could potentially be an issue with the device. The technician found that there was "impedence" on one of the leads, a couple of the electrodes weren't working as they should. So she did some adjustments to compensate for that. I have it a week or so, but that did not fix the problem at all. I stopped charging the stimulator altogether because it wasn't doing anything for me. I had to start using a cane to get around because if I was standing, I needed something to lean on so I didn't have to keep my back straight. It was getting very difficult.
The doctor had me get a regular CT done, because I cannot get an MRI due to the stimulator (the stimulator itself is actually MRI safe and I think most of them are not, but because of the issue with the electrodes, my Nevro care team told me I could not get an MRI). So I and the CT and I could see it myself. It was absolutely clear that there was a herniation at L4-L5. Clear as day. So I had a video call with the doctors assistance soon after and to my dismay, they suggested treatment was to get an epidural to reduce the pain. Here I am, knowing full well that my symptoms and the results of the MRI are definitely worthy of surgery, and they want to give me just an epidural. I asked her about surgery and she said something about not opting for surgery until exhausting other options. I said okay. After the call, I immediately reached out to my friend who worked at the Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC. She actually works with the director of Spinal Surgery. Immediately, I was in contact with him and his entire team and they moved quickly to get things moving. I regret not having reached out sooner.
Part 6: Prep for Second Surgery
So the first thing to do was get better imagining. Since the MRI was out of the question, I had to do something called a CT Myelogram. Oh boy this was not a fun diagnostic procedure.
You need to be accompanied to the appointment because they will be giving you some very light sedative. You are hooked up to an IV, and they bring you into a room with a special x-ray table that rotates so you can be either laying flat or raised up so you are nearly standing, and the X-rays can be taken from many different angles. The doctor there take a couple of initial scans to find the location where they go in. I am queezy just talking about it right now. What they need to do is inject contrast dye right into my spinal canal. An epidural goes AROUND your spinal canal, but for this they need to pierce the dura and go in.
So they do local anesthesia and then take quite a large needle and go in. It is painful because it is going so deep. But God, you can feel the piecing of the dura layer when the needle goes through. I immediately feel my body hating it. Then they inject the dye, and you can feel that sort of cold sensation spreading across your back. And then he takes the needle out. I start to get VERY hot and am about to pass out, so they put some ice on the bacm of my neck and give me a minute to come back down. They also gave me some IV zofran to help with nausea and some IV sedative for the pain Thankfully it passed. But that wasnt even the difficult part.
Next, they have to make sure the dye gets into all the crevices. So the doctor rotates the table to different angles and has you try and bend in specific ways. It was incredibly painful to do. When he had me in an almost standing position, and the pressure of the dye was increasing my leg pain beyond anything I had experienced so far. It was really difficult. But once they are satisfied with the X-ray that shows the dye has spread well, they send you to the CT scan. Once I was laying down again the pain subsided and I was feeling better. They did the CT scan and then rolled me back to the recovery room, and by the time I was back in there I was feels 100% back to normal and had no issues getting up and walking. So that was that.
The image results were very telling (gunna try and include them here or in a comment if I can). The point of this type of imaging is that the contract dye with spread anywhere that the CSF can go. You should be able to clearly see the space all around the spinal cord, and if there are spots where you don't see the dye, you will be able to see what is causing some problems. It was plain to see how severe this herniation was. It was compressing my spinal cord and pushing it all the way to the back of the spinal column.
So the doctor said we have two options. A microdiscectomy or a fusion. We decided to do a MD though I would be okay with a fusion. Well guess what, two days before the surgery the doctor changed his mind and said that after reviewing the imaging again the best course of action would be to do a fusion. I was very excited for that.
Part 7: The Fusion
So at the end of Feb 2024 I had my fusion done. It was your standard surgery, nothing too crazy. Recovery was tough though. Basically with a fusion, they take out the herniation and most of the disc and they put this rubbery block in there that contains bone graft. That is what is going to grow to fuse the two vertebrae, but that process can take a year to fully fuse the bones. So they put in four screws, two in each vertebrae, and join them together with rods. This holds the bones together completely so that they do not move independently. They are essentially fused at this point, but only with the rods.
For recovery, the first couple days were difficult, mostly trying to stand up from laying down because I had like no low back strength. The pain was also pretty constant so I was taking a lot of muscle relaxers and narcotics to help me stay asleep as much as possible.
The surgery area was quiet large. There were two large bandages and two small bandages and the entire area was covered in a large adhesive patch to keep everything clean and dry (it was also very orange from the iodine). So I could shower without worrying about it. Within two weeks I was moving around a lot better. I might have stopped using my cane at this point, though anything that required me to reach forward, like washing my hands at the sink, was difficult because it would require back strength. By 2 weeks, the bandage had because really really frustrating. The huge adhesive patch was causing my skin to become itchy and irritated, and I could see they I was starting to develop some red bumps like pimples underneath. Thankfully 2 weeks was the point I could remove it (after my first follow up call with the doctors team). So I took it off which was not easy. The whole area was soooo sticky, I tried to remove a lot of the stickiness with either rubbing alcohol, soap, or Vaseline. I was able to get a lot of it off but some stickiness still lasted for several days. There will tiny bandages over the incision sites that covered the stitches and those would eventually all fall off themselves. I had two larger scars at the top where they did most of the work of cutting out the disc and putting in the graft, and then two tiny scars lower down where I assume they put in the screws for the lower vertabrae. My back does not look pretty.
I started PT at four weeks was doing better but still had a weak back and was very cautious with my movements. Did PT for 12 weeks and made a lot of improvement. I was back to how I was. The fusion 100% fix the issues that this new herniation had caused, and it was such a relief to finally have a procedure that was totally effective. However, the back pain that I had already had for many many years was and is still there and I am still not certain what is causing it.
Part 8: Now
I am about 20 weeks out of surgery and am still doing great. I still do not use my stimulator and don't plan to, but having to get it removed would be a really huge pain. I have started to actually go to a gym again and life weights to stay active. I am mostly convinced that this low back pain I still have is really muscle related, caused by the years of instability, and that I can address it by strengthly my core muscles and following my PT exercises. I think a lot of these muscles issues, like trigger points, can mimic sciatic symptoms. Knowing what REAL sciatic symptoms feel like again, this pain doesn't feel like I have a herniation pushing on my nerves. So I am going forward with that in mind and trying to deal with this pain muscularly.
As for the fusion, I don't notice any new limitations in my movement. I avoid rubbing the area because I could feel the rods if I rub it hard enough. But I feel normal. I had a follow up with the doctor with another X-ray and everything looks great. I am hoping that this can be a turning point for me to really live as close to a pain free life as possible.
2024.06.09 17:13 MossRock42 Why can't VS have a smooth top layer?
There are other voxel games that generate a voxel-based map. The top layer seems smooth. That is, there aren't right angles for each block that sits on top. When you dig down or build something, then you see the block shapes. This means when traversing the top layer, either on foot or in a vehicle, there's no jumping necessary since it's smooth.
submitted by MossRock42 to VintageStory [link] [comments]
2024.06.09 17:04 Annalouiz Best IPTV Service Provider for Reliable TV Streaming
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It tends to be cheaper than cable or satellite TV. This is because IPTV services offer various affordable plans.IPTV lets you do more than watch TV. You can pause, rewind, and fast-forward live shows. There's on-demand content and shows picked just for you. The future for IPTV looks bright. More and more people will switch to it from traditional TV. This is because it's flexible, offers lots of shows, and saves money. Technology will make IPTV even better. We'll get smoother streaming, quicker starts, and more cool features. Plus, we'll have more shows to pick from, including ones from around the world and special ones just for you. For years, cable and satellite TV have been the main way we watch TV. But now, IPTV is making a mark. It's a cheaper and more adjustable option. IPTV is known for clear, reliable shows with less waiting and in high definition. Over-the-Top (OTT) services let you watch on different gadgets and save money. IPTV even has cool features like DVR, pausing live shows, and guides. OTT is great for its unique, top-notch shows. The TV world is changing fast. Soon, IPTV and OTT will blend in with smart homes. It will be easy to pick what to watch with your voice. Also, things like 5G and better internet will make TV even more amazing.
ConclusionThe digital age has changed how we watch TV. IPTV, or Internet Protocol Television, is now popular. It's a good choice instead of cable or satellite.IPTV offers a lot of channels, from about 15 to over 54,000. It's also affordable, with prices between $15 to $30 a month. You can watch TV on smart TVs, phones, tablets, and more. This makes watching TV better for everyone. In the USA, using legal IPTV services means you're watching content from licensed sources. This makes sure you're watching without any copyright issues. When choosing an IPTV service, think about the shows they offer, channels, price, and how they help you if you have a problem. The way we watch TV is changing thanks to IPTV. Soon, more people will watch TV this way. It offers new features and an improved way to watch. Plus, it's all done the right way, making sure artists and creators are supported. FAQWhat is IPTV?IPTV stands for Internet Protocol Television. It brings TV shows and movies through the Internet to your devices. This is different from using cable or satellite dishes.How does IPTV work?To watch TV using IPTV, you need an internet connection. This connection sends TV shows to your device. You can watch IPTV on smart TVs, set-top boxes, or your phone.What are the benefits of IPTV over traditional cable TV?Unlike traditional TV, IPTV is more flexible and lets you choose what to watch when. You can see shows and movies from all over the world. Plus, it's often cheaper.What should I consider when choosing an IPTV service provider?When picking an IPTV service, think about what channels you can watch and how clear the picture is. Also, check if it works on your devices and how easy it is to use. Make sure they are a legal provider for your safety.What are the risks of using unverified IPTV services?Using IPTV services that are not verified can lead to legal troubles. They might not have the rights to show the content they stream. Although these services are cheap, they may not be safe or reliable.What internet speed do I need for IPTV?For watching live HD TV through IPTV, you should have around 25Mbps speed. High-speed internet is best to avoid pauses while watching.What devices can I use to access IPTV services?You can watch IPTV on many devices like smart TVs, set-top boxes, and mobile phones. This includes systems like Android or Amazon Fire Stick.How important is customer support for an IPTV provider?Good tech support and customer service are very important with IPTV. They can help you fix any problems you have while watching TV.https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/ultimate-iptv-subscription-guide-unmatched-usa-2024-mehdaoui-xf6me https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/best-iptv-sites-usa-2024-ultimate-guide-cherkaoui-abderrahim-vzyqe https://www.firesticktricks.com/best-iptv-service.html https://www.firesticktricks.com/is-iptv-legal.html https://www.techimply.com/blog/how-to-choose-the-best-iptv-service |
2024.06.09 17:00 _call-me-al_ [Sun, Jun 09 2024] TL;DR — Crypto news you missed in the last 24 hours on Reddit
Bitcoin
** US ETFs seized two months’ worth of Bitcoin mining supply this week.**Comments Link
For many people, Bitcoin is a source of endless shame and regret. Even if you embrace it now, it’s really difficult to come to terms with what could have been.
Comments Link
With great pleasure
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ethereum
Understanding transaction statusComments Link
What's the safest way to hold Ethereum for a complete idiot - exchange staking, staking pool or just hold on a hardware wallet?
Comments Link
*Why is dex fee so high *
Comments Link
CryptoCurrency
‘A Very Big Opportunity’—Crypto Suddenly Braced For A ‘Tremendous’ China Earthquake After Bitcoin, Ethereum And XRP Price BoomComments Link
BlackRock Deepens BTC Bet As Spot Bitcoin ETF AUM Barrels Past $21 Billion
Comments Link
End Of Cash In Europe? Rather Digital Euro Than Crypto
Comments Link
btc
Nigeria is the number 1 hotspot for Bitcoin CashComments Link
ain´t looking like a bad investment
Comments Link
DeFi on Bitcoin Cash (BCH) - The biggest DEX and OG meme coin on BCH explained
Comments Link
SatoshiStreetBets
Monkey Haircut - Scientific Proof of How and Why $Monk Will Rocket To the Next Level 🐒✂️🚀 [$7 M market cap][7 months old]Comments Link
$KABOSU dip being eaten up by memecoin market as $70k liquidity relative to $134k market cap signals major upside
Comments Link
The First Cat Coin on Solana ($COK) Created by WIF Deployer in Nov 2023
Comments Link
CryptoMarkets
A $Kendu bedtime storyComments Link
Bitcoin Price: Hedge Funds Shorting BTC Heavily; Potential for Epic Squeeze Like GameStop
Comments Link
Building a Kinder Digital World: Philcoin’s Give-to-Earn Platform
Comments Link
CryptoCurrencies
I sold this lab diamond necklace and completed entire transaction online via ETH. Total fee was 250$ across several tranches of payment of 15,000$. Very cheap and fast compared to PayPal/ Wise/ Payonee Stripe/ CCAvenue. Crypto is the future.Comments Link
Bitcoin's Response to Hedge Fund Shorting: Time to Level the Playing Field
Comments Link
CoinBase
HAD 0 ISSUES WITH TRANSFERRINGComments Link
network fees?
Comments Link
Did not want to confirm it but…
Comments Link
binance
Binance Support ThreadComments Link
FantomFoundation
Not switching to Sonic.Comments Link
solana
*What is the Solana product or dapp that you think had or has the most sucess ? *Comments Link
I believe I just got scammed losing $5k
Comments Link
Do I need Solana as gas fees to transfer USDC for withdrawal?
Comments Link
cosmosnetwork
COSMOS CRYPTO NEWS: ATOM, DYDX, SEI, AKT, SCRT & MORE!!Comments Link
*Do you think Stride has potential? *
Comments Link
EVMOS
Comments Link
algorand
Spooled my Algorand participation node - AMAComments Link
Algorand voting session 11 adress and note?
Comments Link
cardano
A word of encouragement…Comments Link
The Real Deal: Why Cardano Deserves More Attention and Respect
Comments Link
Breaking: Cardano Confirms New Partnership - USDM Stablecoin Hits 3 Million & MORE!
Comments Link
Monero
Leading the pack boys & girls incoming top 5 coinsComments Link
One Monero
Comments Link
Haveno/Bisq Update
Comments Link
NFT
The Bitmap Punks, ordinals collection brings the purest and most nostalgic form of digital art to the modern world. This collection consists of unique works of art, each crafted by the transactions within Bitcoin blocks, containing their own story and emotion.Comments Link
*Pixel girls *
Comments Link
Check it out!
Comments Link
2024.06.09 16:34 Ok_Machine_7229 Many mistakes were made. Need help.
I will give a lot of context of my situation, but I will try to make it as anonymous as possible (although, based on this, it is really easy to find me...). I won't try to justify, but rather explain the reasoning so you can understand it better. All of this is really embarrassing for me, but I'm so desperate that I feel like I need to tell you everything.
I, M23 non-citizen living in Europe in the process of acquiring citizenship, began my career around the Fall of 2021 as a Software Engineering Intern at a top 3 Password Manager company. I was 20yo at the time. I do not have a CS degree, but I had original personal projects that helped me during interviews. The fact that I failed a subject at school and couldn't join university was the trigger for a depression&anxiety (that had deeper reasons than just school failure) that I was in for over a year, and this new job sparked a joy inside me that I didn't experience during this time.
I was doing really great. After 4-5 months, I was offered a full-time Junior SWE position. I was even discharged from therapy. However, I was also interviewing for other companies as I didn't know if I'd make it into a full-time position. The offer came in as I passed Facebook interviews for a 3-month internship in London (I live in another country). I talked to my manager at the time, and he convinced me that it would be better to stay, as I had concerns about immigration & the fact that it didn't seem like Facebook had a long-term plan for me.
My salary as an intern was 24k€/year, remote. If I were to be full-time, I would be going into 32k€/year, remote.
Two weeks later, I also received feedback from another company, Company 2, B2B Fintech. I passed all the interviews for a remote Junior FE position. The salary was 72,8k€/year, but as a contractor, and I would be joining as an employee if I were to relocate to Paris. I discussed the matter with my parents, friends, and girlfriend, and I decided to take the offer. The company I was working at counter-offered for 45k€, but I didn't take it.
Then shit hit the fan.
Everything at work was fine, but I was going through a lot of stress at home. After roughly 2 months in this new company, I had two traumatic events outside work that put me into my first panic attack. Due to the high expectations I had for myself at this new job, I felt compelled to resign. I made up an excuse at midnight, wrote the resignation letter and sent it to my manager. He understood my situation and I left. I started to attend therapy sessions once more and took different medications as well.
I talked to colleagues at Company 1, and they accepted me back. One month later, I was back at my position, at 45k€. But things were different. I was giving my all, but I wasn't performing as well as I was before. My relationship with my girlfriend was getting worse, things at home were so tense, and responsibilities were piling up. My therapist thought (and she was right) that I was in the process of burnout. Closer to 6 months after my return, I was talking to my peers about taking a break, but I wasn't sure yet... Then the HR said I'd better take a sick leave because my performance was worse than before and this could trigger a PIP. I took the sick leave. 2 weeks weren't enough. The day I returned, I talked to HR again and I was surely going to PIP, so I told them I was not capable of doing more than I was already doing. I was exhausted. I resigned once more.
Two months later, I got another job at Company 3. I couldn't screw this up. 46k€, remote, I just had to go to Paris once a month. On the first day at this new job, I was so focused that I forgot to eat, and just noticed I was starving when my mom knocked on the door at 17h30 asking if I would eat something. I was dedicating 100% of my time to code.
On my first visit to the office, I had a great time, except for an interaction with a colleague that I really liked. He was asking about my story and I told him about my previous experiences. He said: "so you aren't going to leave us after 3 months, are you?". The voice tone was friendly, but I knew the concern was legit.
During my second visit to the office, I ran out of medication, so I was rationing the dose so I could make it until I was back home. I had a side project for a role-playing game, so I changed the whole BE & FE language & frameworks to match the Company 3 stack. I made a linkedin post to tell people I was practicing the stack after work hours on this project. On the next day, HR scheduled a meeting with my manager and asked me if I was founding a company, because that would clash against the non-competing clause in my contract, and that "Company 3 is the only entrepreneurship journey an employee should take".
Looking back, I understand the concern. In my mind, I was only sharing my RPG side project and showing commitment to improving, but they could not read my mind. I tried explaining that to my manager, and he suggested that instead of doing my side project, I could use those hours after work to solve more tasks from work, as my project would not give me any financial return. This whole thing made me feel horrible. I was so unstable due to medication and [sensitive information, trigger] that I thought of killing myself. I just didn't do it because I thought of my family, girlfriend and friends.
When I returned back home, I was worse. After two weeks I resigned, again. I made purchases with a credit card just so I could force myself to find a job to pay it later. My girlfriend also broke up with me, and lost contact with friends, so... I really asked my parents to stay in the hospital for rehab. I couldn't take it anymore. We searched for other therapists and they denied my hospitalization and we began working on my mental health again. They discovered that I have ADHD, alongside other childhood traumas...
After four months, I had an offer for an internship at Company 4. 21,6k€/year, but fully on-site in Paris. I had nothing to lose, so I went there. At the same time, it was my best and worst decision at the same time. It was good because I could prove to myself that I was a little bit stronger than I thought, but...
I began sharing a home with another 10 people (it was complete chaos, with a lot of fights between the people living there), taking 55% of my net salary (1380€/month) just for the rent, adding up to the interest payments I had, food, transportation, etc... I was basically paying to be able to do this internship. I couldn't pay the deposit for cheaper places. I decided I was going back home. I stood there for 6 months and, resigned and returned home.
Since then, I have taken some time to heal. Eventually, I had to stop therapy for some months as my parents had some financial issues (especially as they had to help me financially as well), but this month I will go back to it once more, thankfully. I tried job hunting, but either I couldn't pass the CV screening stage, or I failed during the process.
Right now, I'm doing some freelance for a LATAM client. I think will earn (as I don't have a contract or anything), 320€ a month.
I honestly feel like a kid. I made many mistakes and I feel like I've burnt bridges everywhere. If I weren't in the hustle from day one, I could've paid more attention to my health, to my ex, to my friends, and I wouldn't have made most of the decisions I did. I feel ashamed. I know part of the blame can be justified on the mental health issues I have, but I can't blame everything on it, I have my (the biggest) part of the blame as well.
I would like to have some advice on what to do. How to deal with this job hopping situation I have? My parents have a better financial condition now, so I'm going back to therapy and I'll be able to visit my home country. I have attached my CV, so you can have a look too and give me some advice on it. I also want to join the university next year and restart my social, professional, and academic life.
Thank you for your attention, this was really hard to share and I appreciate your time reading this.
CV: https://imgur.com/JfF4Ddy
submitted by Ok_Machine_7229 to cscareerquestionsEU [link] [comments]
I, M23 non-citizen living in Europe in the process of acquiring citizenship, began my career around the Fall of 2021 as a Software Engineering Intern at a top 3 Password Manager company. I was 20yo at the time. I do not have a CS degree, but I had original personal projects that helped me during interviews. The fact that I failed a subject at school and couldn't join university was the trigger for a depression&anxiety (that had deeper reasons than just school failure) that I was in for over a year, and this new job sparked a joy inside me that I didn't experience during this time.
I was doing really great. After 4-5 months, I was offered a full-time Junior SWE position. I was even discharged from therapy. However, I was also interviewing for other companies as I didn't know if I'd make it into a full-time position. The offer came in as I passed Facebook interviews for a 3-month internship in London (I live in another country). I talked to my manager at the time, and he convinced me that it would be better to stay, as I had concerns about immigration & the fact that it didn't seem like Facebook had a long-term plan for me.
My salary as an intern was 24k€/year, remote. If I were to be full-time, I would be going into 32k€/year, remote.
Two weeks later, I also received feedback from another company, Company 2, B2B Fintech. I passed all the interviews for a remote Junior FE position. The salary was 72,8k€/year, but as a contractor, and I would be joining as an employee if I were to relocate to Paris. I discussed the matter with my parents, friends, and girlfriend, and I decided to take the offer. The company I was working at counter-offered for 45k€, but I didn't take it.
Then shit hit the fan.
Everything at work was fine, but I was going through a lot of stress at home. After roughly 2 months in this new company, I had two traumatic events outside work that put me into my first panic attack. Due to the high expectations I had for myself at this new job, I felt compelled to resign. I made up an excuse at midnight, wrote the resignation letter and sent it to my manager. He understood my situation and I left. I started to attend therapy sessions once more and took different medications as well.
I talked to colleagues at Company 1, and they accepted me back. One month later, I was back at my position, at 45k€. But things were different. I was giving my all, but I wasn't performing as well as I was before. My relationship with my girlfriend was getting worse, things at home were so tense, and responsibilities were piling up. My therapist thought (and she was right) that I was in the process of burnout. Closer to 6 months after my return, I was talking to my peers about taking a break, but I wasn't sure yet... Then the HR said I'd better take a sick leave because my performance was worse than before and this could trigger a PIP. I took the sick leave. 2 weeks weren't enough. The day I returned, I talked to HR again and I was surely going to PIP, so I told them I was not capable of doing more than I was already doing. I was exhausted. I resigned once more.
Two months later, I got another job at Company 3. I couldn't screw this up. 46k€, remote, I just had to go to Paris once a month. On the first day at this new job, I was so focused that I forgot to eat, and just noticed I was starving when my mom knocked on the door at 17h30 asking if I would eat something. I was dedicating 100% of my time to code.
On my first visit to the office, I had a great time, except for an interaction with a colleague that I really liked. He was asking about my story and I told him about my previous experiences. He said: "so you aren't going to leave us after 3 months, are you?". The voice tone was friendly, but I knew the concern was legit.
During my second visit to the office, I ran out of medication, so I was rationing the dose so I could make it until I was back home. I had a side project for a role-playing game, so I changed the whole BE & FE language & frameworks to match the Company 3 stack. I made a linkedin post to tell people I was practicing the stack after work hours on this project. On the next day, HR scheduled a meeting with my manager and asked me if I was founding a company, because that would clash against the non-competing clause in my contract, and that "Company 3 is the only entrepreneurship journey an employee should take".
Looking back, I understand the concern. In my mind, I was only sharing my RPG side project and showing commitment to improving, but they could not read my mind. I tried explaining that to my manager, and he suggested that instead of doing my side project, I could use those hours after work to solve more tasks from work, as my project would not give me any financial return. This whole thing made me feel horrible. I was so unstable due to medication and [sensitive information, trigger] that I thought of killing myself. I just didn't do it because I thought of my family, girlfriend and friends.
When I returned back home, I was worse. After two weeks I resigned, again. I made purchases with a credit card just so I could force myself to find a job to pay it later. My girlfriend also broke up with me, and lost contact with friends, so... I really asked my parents to stay in the hospital for rehab. I couldn't take it anymore. We searched for other therapists and they denied my hospitalization and we began working on my mental health again. They discovered that I have ADHD, alongside other childhood traumas...
After four months, I had an offer for an internship at Company 4. 21,6k€/year, but fully on-site in Paris. I had nothing to lose, so I went there. At the same time, it was my best and worst decision at the same time. It was good because I could prove to myself that I was a little bit stronger than I thought, but...
I began sharing a home with another 10 people (it was complete chaos, with a lot of fights between the people living there), taking 55% of my net salary (1380€/month) just for the rent, adding up to the interest payments I had, food, transportation, etc... I was basically paying to be able to do this internship. I couldn't pay the deposit for cheaper places. I decided I was going back home. I stood there for 6 months and, resigned and returned home.
Since then, I have taken some time to heal. Eventually, I had to stop therapy for some months as my parents had some financial issues (especially as they had to help me financially as well), but this month I will go back to it once more, thankfully. I tried job hunting, but either I couldn't pass the CV screening stage, or I failed during the process.
Right now, I'm doing some freelance for a LATAM client. I think will earn (as I don't have a contract or anything), 320€ a month.
I honestly feel like a kid. I made many mistakes and I feel like I've burnt bridges everywhere. If I weren't in the hustle from day one, I could've paid more attention to my health, to my ex, to my friends, and I wouldn't have made most of the decisions I did. I feel ashamed. I know part of the blame can be justified on the mental health issues I have, but I can't blame everything on it, I have my (the biggest) part of the blame as well.
I would like to have some advice on what to do. How to deal with this job hopping situation I have? My parents have a better financial condition now, so I'm going back to therapy and I'll be able to visit my home country. I have attached my CV, so you can have a look too and give me some advice on it. I also want to join the university next year and restart my social, professional, and academic life.
Thank you for your attention, this was really hard to share and I appreciate your time reading this.
CV: https://imgur.com/JfF4Ddy
2024.06.09 16:28 masterofdrunkenorgys Looking for a more flexible stat block editor
So, just as the title says. I'm working on a subclass and I want to add a compainion stat block similar to the drakewarden where some stats like it's AC or it's hit point aren't a fixed number but like "X times your PB". I'm used to using dnd beyond for homebrew subclasses/stat blocks, but both this site and other stat block editors I've found can't handle this. Anyone know of a site that could handle non-integer stats like this?
submitted by masterofdrunkenorgys to UnearthedArcana [link] [comments]
2024.06.09 16:24 moomunequita Venting/Advice
TRIGGER WARNING- SA, etc.
It's a very very long story and there's more that I could go on about but- My parents had me young, mom (19), bio dad (21). They separated when I was around 3 or 4 y/o and that's when my dad (19) (that later adopted me) came into my life. When he went to adopt me at about 7 y/o, before sibling 1 was born, they needed bio dad to release his rights; he agreed on one condition from my mom, 'Don't talk to my family anymore, I will handle it'. So he signed, with the additional agreement that he would not have to pay child support, dad adopted me. I ended up with 1 little sibling and I wanted nothing to do with bio dad at this point, he was already out of my life since the adoption. At around 12 years old, my parents started their divorce, moms second divorce. This divorce was completely different. At first, I hated my (adopted) dad but then again, he used to work 3 jobs to support us, only had 1 day off and used it as a "cleaning day" (which I later appreciated as an adult because I had SEVERE allergies, but in the moment I was just like wtf man fr?) From 13 y/o to about 15 y/o my moms at the time bf was sexually abusing me, forcing me to "cuddle" on the couch, he would pretend to fall asleep (in 5 seconds) and touch my non existent boobs and coochie while grinding his boner against my butt until he had enough. I would lay there silently crying until he actually fell asleep, slowly crawl away, and be up the whole rest of the school night, in shock, crying, cutting myself, and writing very depressing poems. He would break open the bathroom door while I was bathing and would try to peep at me in the tub. I'd cover myself under the bubble bath for HOURS until I had no bubbles and the water was cold. I then tried hurting myself even worse but sibling walked in on me. I broke down and thought if I do this, this dude is going to go for my sibling so I'll just take whatever it is to protect them. So I did. I dealt with all the things plus him walking in on me SERVERAL times in my bedroom each time after I'd have a bath/shower (no lock on the door). This guy also apparently would hit, strangle, and rape my mom. I came to find out that he had a record too, he and his brother abducted a 17 y/o or 18 y/o girl, took her to a trap house, raped her in a bathroom with a pole-blood in the tub, sink, toilet, floor, etc. He also was busted because he put a garbage bag over another man's head and lit it on fire-because the man was black. (Dude ended up being dishonorably discharged later on btw) Eventually, she got rid of him, dated a bit, and settled with a new bf, my now step dad of over 10 years. At this point, I was 16 y/o, had a GREAT relationship with (adopted) dad (not so much my mom), and became curious about my bio dad-where I came from, family customs/traditions, similarities/differences, interests, the other half of who I am. I found him on social media, reached out but didn't get a response for 2-3 weeks. Shortly after us chatting, I went to see him (adopted dad and sibling 1 came with). I had 2 more siblings from bio dad, they were a decade or so younger than me, and sibling 3 didn't resemble me much but did with sibling 2 BUT sibling 2 looked so much like me at that age, weird. A short time later, there was a family event by bio dad, I was invited but had no way to get there (about a 6 hour drive from where I was at the time) so his sistemy aunt said she'd take me. She picked me up and I was to spend the night at her house (with my 2 cousins) then we would travel in the morning. I was so excited because I vaguely remember cousin 1 from childhood, apparently we were super close growing up together, I was eager to reconnect and bond with my cousins. When spending the night, cousin 2 went to sleep early (a bit younger than cousin 1 and I), so cousin 1 and I were talking for hours, it was great being able to reconnect/re-establish our relationship...until he kissed me, threw himself on me, tried getting me to touch him as he started to touch me. I said stop wtf what are you doing we are FIRST cousins!! He chuckled and said "We are but we're not" ... "wtf are you talking about?" ... "I'm not supposed to say but your dad had a DNA test done during tour parents divorce and told all of us your mom cheated on him, you're not ACTUALLY his acoording to the test" ... so at this point, I'm disgusted, have so many questions, confused, am in a house of 'family' that I don't know/don't believe that I am family-I went to sleep. Next day we traveled to see bio dad and after the event I asked him and step mom about it and also mentioned that because of this cousin 1 tried "xyz". Bio dad's response to the DNA-"Your mother had the DNA test done and it said I was not your bio father, she probably lied/gave me a fake test so I would stay out of your life." I went to my mom and questioned her, she said "Absolutely not, you know your (adopted) father and I don't talk so you can even ask him to verify that I'm not lying. I have no idea about anything that has to do with a DNA test, we never had one as he (bio das) was my first and we got married then I was prengant with you about 3-4 months after getting married." I asked (adopted) dad and his story lined up perfectly with my mom's. So bio dad lied to me and his entire side of the family to save face. He lied to all of them because his agreement of giving up his rights to me and not having to pay child support would not have been supported by his side of the family so he told them I wasn't his and supposedly provided a (fake) test so they'd get off his back about it. My grandfather from him said he saw the test-but there was no test! Beyond fucked up man...but whatever. I still wanted a connection. I wanted to leave the bullshit in the past and move forward right? So, fast forward a bit, I was in a 3 year (3 out of 3.5 year) relationship with a TRUE P.O.S. bf that was physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. We lived together for 3 years out of our 3.5 year relationship. He was addicted to porn, would call me a bitch every single day amoung other things, ended up raping me and thought it was funny, would hit, kick, choke me (not in the good way), and push me off the bed but then say "You think I want to be like this?! You think I want to do this to you?! Hurt you?! You're making me do it, it's your fault because you have issues." I wasn't "allowed" to talk to my guy friends because they're guys (and I didn't have many girl friends at all), especially my best guy friend that I grew up with and had known since 3 y/o. Bf would isolate me from my families even. At work, I only would talk to my guy friends/male co-workers if bf wasn't there otherwise he would ignore me the whole shift and be brutal when we got home (yeah, we also worked together for a bit over 3 years). I then found out that bf went on the dark web and watched a man kidnap someone, rape her, murder her, and proceed to rape her corpse...my bf was getting off on it! He even said he went back on the next night to do it again but site was blocked. FUCKING PSYCHOTIC. I could go on and on about his craziness. I was his 3rd virgin btw and at work we had a "work daughter" (was so close to that girl, she was 3 years younger than me, 5 years younger than bf and I used to go to her (when bf didnt have same shift as me) crying and telling her everything that would happen with him, so she knew all the shit he did). I was scared he was going to kill me one day, I was scared to stay, scared to leave, all the stupid things and all I wanted was consistent love. We did end up breaking up a few months after I turned 21, he ended up dating our work daughter and took her virginity too! He also did all the shit to her as he did to me! I felt bad for her at first but then thought no you dumb fuck, you knew EVERYTHING you were getting into smh. Anyway, I went to a family event for bio dad, bf was working, they wanted to meet him; we set up lunch for the following day. Bio dad said he was going to give bf the "talk" yk...with the shot gun type of talk. I said I don't feel comfortable with that because firstly, it's not his place, I have my dad (adopted), secondly, bio dad even agreed that we more so have a friend relationship at this point, and third, I've already been with bf for 3 years so it's not appropriate. He got REALLY salty the morning of the meet. We were coordinating plans and everything when he said along the lines, "We haven't seen you in person for almost 2 years now yet you always have time to go out...etc.etc." I responded, "The two times that you have seen me post that I was out, I was across the street from work. I went there for about 2 hours both times with bf and co-workers. I cannot drive 6-8 hours to you and 6-8 hours back in the same day. I work two full time jobs and am going to college online full-time. I'm sorry that I'm making you feel this way or that I've been distant but I try talking and seeing you all (on Skype and such) as much as I can. I don't know what else you want me to do or say at this point. That's why I'm excited for this meet up today. You also could have put in the effort to come out this way these last two years to visit me as well, but again, I'm sorry. I hope you all aren't mad at me, I'm really trying here." He then tells me "I'm going to have to cancel lunch today. I don't think meeting today is a good idea. Now I'm going to have to tell your (LITTLE) siblings that you don't want to see them today since you never have time for us and have basically disappeared from our lives these last 2 years." Aaaaand that's when I ✨️lost✨️ my shit and popped off 🙃 "ME?! I'm the one that disappeared?!?! How fucking dare you say that. How fucking dare you try to do that to them and me. YOU disappeared from MY life at 4 years old, LIED to the entire family (they still questioned if I'm "there's" or not, even had received the comment "Even though you're not ours, your ours because we've known you since a baby" and only 1 of bio dad's parents is still somewhat in touch with me to this day btw) I didn't see YOU for 12 YEARS of my life! I reached out to YOU, I have been the only one making an effort to keep the line of communication open and going and even after all of that plus my explaining that I work TWO full-time jobs plus full-time school, you still have the nerve and audacity to make me the bad guy and say I'm the one not trying here?! YOU are going to continue to LIE and tell MY siblings that I don't want to see them when that couldn't be further from the truth?! I'm going to tell you this ONCE, YOU blew your first chance of staying in my life when I was a child, now you're blowing it a SECOND time with me as an adult; there WILL NOT be a third time. I WILL NOT subject myself to this nor do I need your added stress. I WILL NOT allow you to do this to me EVER again. If my siblings or even step mom (or that side of the family) want to be in contact with me-I will gladly accept that but YOU are DEAD to me. Don't talk to me, don't contact me, I want NOTHING to do with YOU anymore, sperm donor." ... no response ...every couple of years after that I got a "happy birthday" or "merry christmas" here and there but I never responded. It's been a few years with no interaction from him. I just miss my siblings. I got so attached to them and I miss them, I tried staying in contact through video chats but they were still fairly young at that point so it was difficult plus having him or step mom in the background sometimes was awkward. They're now getting a bit older, sibling 2 is turning 18, sibling 3 will be 16. We have each other on social media but don't talk and very very VERY rarely interact with likes on posts. I'm afraid to make the first move, I don't want to push anything, I don't know what bio dad has been feeding into their brains about me, etc. My relationship with them will NEVER be as close as with my almost 21 y/o sibling 1 from (adopted) dad, which I can accept, I absolutely love my sibling 1 that I grew up with like nothing and no one else; I practically raised him tbh. But I do think about the other 2 siblings, I miss them, I just don't know if I should respect unspoken boundaries or make the first move? What do you think? And lmk if you want more of these batshit crazy stories that I've went through (tbh I'm probably going to post another seeking advice on another subject). ✌🏻
submitted by moomunequita to Advice [link] [comments]
It's a very very long story and there's more that I could go on about but- My parents had me young, mom (19), bio dad (21). They separated when I was around 3 or 4 y/o and that's when my dad (19) (that later adopted me) came into my life. When he went to adopt me at about 7 y/o, before sibling 1 was born, they needed bio dad to release his rights; he agreed on one condition from my mom, 'Don't talk to my family anymore, I will handle it'. So he signed, with the additional agreement that he would not have to pay child support, dad adopted me. I ended up with 1 little sibling and I wanted nothing to do with bio dad at this point, he was already out of my life since the adoption. At around 12 years old, my parents started their divorce, moms second divorce. This divorce was completely different. At first, I hated my (adopted) dad but then again, he used to work 3 jobs to support us, only had 1 day off and used it as a "cleaning day" (which I later appreciated as an adult because I had SEVERE allergies, but in the moment I was just like wtf man fr?) From 13 y/o to about 15 y/o my moms at the time bf was sexually abusing me, forcing me to "cuddle" on the couch, he would pretend to fall asleep (in 5 seconds) and touch my non existent boobs and coochie while grinding his boner against my butt until he had enough. I would lay there silently crying until he actually fell asleep, slowly crawl away, and be up the whole rest of the school night, in shock, crying, cutting myself, and writing very depressing poems. He would break open the bathroom door while I was bathing and would try to peep at me in the tub. I'd cover myself under the bubble bath for HOURS until I had no bubbles and the water was cold. I then tried hurting myself even worse but sibling walked in on me. I broke down and thought if I do this, this dude is going to go for my sibling so I'll just take whatever it is to protect them. So I did. I dealt with all the things plus him walking in on me SERVERAL times in my bedroom each time after I'd have a bath/shower (no lock on the door). This guy also apparently would hit, strangle, and rape my mom. I came to find out that he had a record too, he and his brother abducted a 17 y/o or 18 y/o girl, took her to a trap house, raped her in a bathroom with a pole-blood in the tub, sink, toilet, floor, etc. He also was busted because he put a garbage bag over another man's head and lit it on fire-because the man was black. (Dude ended up being dishonorably discharged later on btw) Eventually, she got rid of him, dated a bit, and settled with a new bf, my now step dad of over 10 years. At this point, I was 16 y/o, had a GREAT relationship with (adopted) dad (not so much my mom), and became curious about my bio dad-where I came from, family customs/traditions, similarities/differences, interests, the other half of who I am. I found him on social media, reached out but didn't get a response for 2-3 weeks. Shortly after us chatting, I went to see him (adopted dad and sibling 1 came with). I had 2 more siblings from bio dad, they were a decade or so younger than me, and sibling 3 didn't resemble me much but did with sibling 2 BUT sibling 2 looked so much like me at that age, weird. A short time later, there was a family event by bio dad, I was invited but had no way to get there (about a 6 hour drive from where I was at the time) so his sistemy aunt said she'd take me. She picked me up and I was to spend the night at her house (with my 2 cousins) then we would travel in the morning. I was so excited because I vaguely remember cousin 1 from childhood, apparently we were super close growing up together, I was eager to reconnect and bond with my cousins. When spending the night, cousin 2 went to sleep early (a bit younger than cousin 1 and I), so cousin 1 and I were talking for hours, it was great being able to reconnect/re-establish our relationship...until he kissed me, threw himself on me, tried getting me to touch him as he started to touch me. I said stop wtf what are you doing we are FIRST cousins!! He chuckled and said "We are but we're not" ... "wtf are you talking about?" ... "I'm not supposed to say but your dad had a DNA test done during tour parents divorce and told all of us your mom cheated on him, you're not ACTUALLY his acoording to the test" ... so at this point, I'm disgusted, have so many questions, confused, am in a house of 'family' that I don't know/don't believe that I am family-I went to sleep. Next day we traveled to see bio dad and after the event I asked him and step mom about it and also mentioned that because of this cousin 1 tried "xyz". Bio dad's response to the DNA-"Your mother had the DNA test done and it said I was not your bio father, she probably lied/gave me a fake test so I would stay out of your life." I went to my mom and questioned her, she said "Absolutely not, you know your (adopted) father and I don't talk so you can even ask him to verify that I'm not lying. I have no idea about anything that has to do with a DNA test, we never had one as he (bio das) was my first and we got married then I was prengant with you about 3-4 months after getting married." I asked (adopted) dad and his story lined up perfectly with my mom's. So bio dad lied to me and his entire side of the family to save face. He lied to all of them because his agreement of giving up his rights to me and not having to pay child support would not have been supported by his side of the family so he told them I wasn't his and supposedly provided a (fake) test so they'd get off his back about it. My grandfather from him said he saw the test-but there was no test! Beyond fucked up man...but whatever. I still wanted a connection. I wanted to leave the bullshit in the past and move forward right? So, fast forward a bit, I was in a 3 year (3 out of 3.5 year) relationship with a TRUE P.O.S. bf that was physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. We lived together for 3 years out of our 3.5 year relationship. He was addicted to porn, would call me a bitch every single day amoung other things, ended up raping me and thought it was funny, would hit, kick, choke me (not in the good way), and push me off the bed but then say "You think I want to be like this?! You think I want to do this to you?! Hurt you?! You're making me do it, it's your fault because you have issues." I wasn't "allowed" to talk to my guy friends because they're guys (and I didn't have many girl friends at all), especially my best guy friend that I grew up with and had known since 3 y/o. Bf would isolate me from my families even. At work, I only would talk to my guy friends/male co-workers if bf wasn't there otherwise he would ignore me the whole shift and be brutal when we got home (yeah, we also worked together for a bit over 3 years). I then found out that bf went on the dark web and watched a man kidnap someone, rape her, murder her, and proceed to rape her corpse...my bf was getting off on it! He even said he went back on the next night to do it again but site was blocked. FUCKING PSYCHOTIC. I could go on and on about his craziness. I was his 3rd virgin btw and at work we had a "work daughter" (was so close to that girl, she was 3 years younger than me, 5 years younger than bf and I used to go to her (when bf didnt have same shift as me) crying and telling her everything that would happen with him, so she knew all the shit he did). I was scared he was going to kill me one day, I was scared to stay, scared to leave, all the stupid things and all I wanted was consistent love. We did end up breaking up a few months after I turned 21, he ended up dating our work daughter and took her virginity too! He also did all the shit to her as he did to me! I felt bad for her at first but then thought no you dumb fuck, you knew EVERYTHING you were getting into smh. Anyway, I went to a family event for bio dad, bf was working, they wanted to meet him; we set up lunch for the following day. Bio dad said he was going to give bf the "talk" yk...with the shot gun type of talk. I said I don't feel comfortable with that because firstly, it's not his place, I have my dad (adopted), secondly, bio dad even agreed that we more so have a friend relationship at this point, and third, I've already been with bf for 3 years so it's not appropriate. He got REALLY salty the morning of the meet. We were coordinating plans and everything when he said along the lines, "We haven't seen you in person for almost 2 years now yet you always have time to go out...etc.etc." I responded, "The two times that you have seen me post that I was out, I was across the street from work. I went there for about 2 hours both times with bf and co-workers. I cannot drive 6-8 hours to you and 6-8 hours back in the same day. I work two full time jobs and am going to college online full-time. I'm sorry that I'm making you feel this way or that I've been distant but I try talking and seeing you all (on Skype and such) as much as I can. I don't know what else you want me to do or say at this point. That's why I'm excited for this meet up today. You also could have put in the effort to come out this way these last two years to visit me as well, but again, I'm sorry. I hope you all aren't mad at me, I'm really trying here." He then tells me "I'm going to have to cancel lunch today. I don't think meeting today is a good idea. Now I'm going to have to tell your (LITTLE) siblings that you don't want to see them today since you never have time for us and have basically disappeared from our lives these last 2 years." Aaaaand that's when I ✨️lost✨️ my shit and popped off 🙃 "ME?! I'm the one that disappeared?!?! How fucking dare you say that. How fucking dare you try to do that to them and me. YOU disappeared from MY life at 4 years old, LIED to the entire family (they still questioned if I'm "there's" or not, even had received the comment "Even though you're not ours, your ours because we've known you since a baby" and only 1 of bio dad's parents is still somewhat in touch with me to this day btw) I didn't see YOU for 12 YEARS of my life! I reached out to YOU, I have been the only one making an effort to keep the line of communication open and going and even after all of that plus my explaining that I work TWO full-time jobs plus full-time school, you still have the nerve and audacity to make me the bad guy and say I'm the one not trying here?! YOU are going to continue to LIE and tell MY siblings that I don't want to see them when that couldn't be further from the truth?! I'm going to tell you this ONCE, YOU blew your first chance of staying in my life when I was a child, now you're blowing it a SECOND time with me as an adult; there WILL NOT be a third time. I WILL NOT subject myself to this nor do I need your added stress. I WILL NOT allow you to do this to me EVER again. If my siblings or even step mom (or that side of the family) want to be in contact with me-I will gladly accept that but YOU are DEAD to me. Don't talk to me, don't contact me, I want NOTHING to do with YOU anymore, sperm donor." ... no response ...every couple of years after that I got a "happy birthday" or "merry christmas" here and there but I never responded. It's been a few years with no interaction from him. I just miss my siblings. I got so attached to them and I miss them, I tried staying in contact through video chats but they were still fairly young at that point so it was difficult plus having him or step mom in the background sometimes was awkward. They're now getting a bit older, sibling 2 is turning 18, sibling 3 will be 16. We have each other on social media but don't talk and very very VERY rarely interact with likes on posts. I'm afraid to make the first move, I don't want to push anything, I don't know what bio dad has been feeding into their brains about me, etc. My relationship with them will NEVER be as close as with my almost 21 y/o sibling 1 from (adopted) dad, which I can accept, I absolutely love my sibling 1 that I grew up with like nothing and no one else; I practically raised him tbh. But I do think about the other 2 siblings, I miss them, I just don't know if I should respect unspoken boundaries or make the first move? What do you think? And lmk if you want more of these batshit crazy stories that I've went through (tbh I'm probably going to post another seeking advice on another subject). ✌🏻
2024.06.09 16:22 moomunequita AITA/Venting/Advice?
TRIGGER WARNING- SA, etc.
It's a very very long story and there's more that I could go on about but- My parents had me young, mom (19), bio dad (21). They separated when I was around 3 or 4 y/o and that's when my dad (19) (that later adopted me) came into my life. When he went to adopt me at about 7 y/o, before sibling 1 was born, they needed bio dad to release his rights; he agreed on one condition from my mom, 'Don't talk to my family anymore, I will handle it'. So he signed, with the additional agreement that he would not have to pay child support, dad adopted me. I ended up with 1 little sibling and I wanted nothing to do with bio dad at this point, he was already out of my life since the adoption. At around 12 years old, my parents started their divorce, moms second divorce. This divorce was completely different. At first, I hated my (adopted) dad but then again, he used to work 3 jobs to support us, only had 1 day off and used it as a "cleaning day" (which I later appreciated as an adult because I had SEVERE allergies, but in the moment I was just like wtf man fr?) From 13 y/o to about 15 y/o my moms at the time bf was sexually abusing me, forcing me to "cuddle" on the couch, he would pretend to fall asleep (in 5 seconds) and touch my non existent boobs and coochie while grinding his boner against my butt until he had enough. I would lay there silently crying until he actually fell asleep, slowly crawl away, and be up the whole rest of the school night, in shock, crying, cutting myself, and writing very depressing poems. He would break open the bathroom door while I was bathing and would try to peep at me in the tub. I'd cover myself under the bubble bath for HOURS until I had no bubbles and the water was cold. I then tried hurting myself even worse but sibling walked in on me. I broke down and thought if I do this, this dude is going to go for my sibling so I'll just take whatever it is to protect them. So I did. I dealt with all the things plus him walking in on me SERVERAL times in my bedroom each time after I'd have a bath/shower (no lock on the door). This guy also apparently would hit, strangle, and rape my mom. I came to find out that he had a record too, he and his brother abducted a 17 y/o or 18 y/o girl, took her to a trap house, raped her in a bathroom with a pole-blood in the tub, sink, toilet, floor, etc. He also was busted because he put a garbage bag over another man's head and lit it on fire-because the man was black. (Dude ended up being dishonorably discharged later on btw) Eventually, she got rid of him, dated a bit, and settled with a new bf, my now step dad of over 10 years. At this point, I was 16 y/o, had a GREAT relationship with (adopted) dad (not so much my mom), and became curious about my bio dad-where I came from, family customs/traditions, similarities/differences, interests, the other half of who I am. I found him on social media, reached out but didn't get a response for 2-3 weeks. Shortly after us chatting, I went to see him (adopted dad and sibling 1 came with). I had 2 more siblings from bio dad, they were a decade or so younger than me, and sibling 3 didn't resemble me much but did with sibling 2 BUT sibling 2 looked so much like me at that age, weird. A short time later, there was a family event by bio dad, I was invited but had no way to get there (about a 6 hour drive from where I was at the time) so his sistemy aunt said she'd take me. She picked me up and I was to spend the night at her house (with my 2 cousins) then we would travel in the morning. I was so excited because I vaguely remember cousin 1 from childhood, apparently we were super close growing up together, I was eager to reconnect and bond with my cousins. When spending the night, cousin 2 went to sleep early (a bit younger than cousin 1 and I), so cousin 1 and I were talking for hours, it was great being able to reconnect/re-establish our relationship...until he kissed me, threw himself on me, tried getting me to touch him as he started to touch me. I said stop wtf what are you doing we are FIRST cousins!! He chuckled and said "We are but we're not" ... "wtf are you talking about?" ... "I'm not supposed to say but your dad had a DNA test done during tour parents divorce and told all of us your mom cheated on him, you're not ACTUALLY his acoording to the test" ... so at this point, I'm disgusted, have so many questions, confused, am in a house of 'family' that I don't know/don't believe that I am family-I went to sleep. Next day we traveled to see bio dad and after the event I asked him and step mom about it and also mentioned that because of this cousin 1 tried "xyz". Bio dad's response to the DNA-"Your mother had the DNA test done and it said I was not your bio father, she probably lied/gave me a fake test so I would stay out of your life." I went to my mom and questioned her, she said "Absolutely not, you know your (adopted) father and I don't talk so you can even ask him to verify that I'm not lying. I have no idea about anything that has to do with a DNA test, we never had one as he (bio das) was my first and we got married then I was prengant with you about 3-4 months after getting married." I asked (adopted) dad and his story lined up perfectly with my mom's. So bio dad lied to me and his entire side of the family to save face. He lied to all of them because his agreement of giving up his rights to me and not having to pay child support would not have been supported by his side of the family so he told them I wasn't his and supposedly provided a (fake) test so they'd get off his back about it. My grandfather from him said he saw the test-but there was no test! Beyond fucked up man...but whatever. I still wanted a connection. I wanted to leave the bullshit in the past and move forward right? So, fast forward a bit, I was in a 3 year (3 out of 3.5 year) relationship with a TRUE P.O.S. bf that was physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. We lived together for 3 years out of our 3.5 year relationship. He was addicted to porn, would call me a bitch every single day amoung other things, ended up raping me and thought it was funny, would hit, kick, choke me (not in the good way), and push me off the bed but then say "You think I want to be like this?! You think I want to do this to you?! Hurt you?! You're making me do it, it's your fault because you have issues." I wasn't "allowed" to talk to my guy friends because they're guys (and I didn't have many girl friends at all), especially my best guy friend that I grew up with and had known since 3 y/o. Bf would isolate me from my families even. At work, I only would talk to my guy friends/male co-workers if bf wasn't there otherwise he would ignore me the whole shift and be brutal when we got home (yeah, we also worked together for a bit over 3 years). I then found out that bf went on the dark web and watched a man kidnap someone, rape her, murder her, and proceed to rape her corpse...my bf was getting off on it! He even said he went back on the next night to do it again but site was blocked. FUCKING PSYCHOTIC. I could go on and on about his craziness. I was his 3rd virgin btw and at work we had a "work daughter" (was so close to that girl, she was 3 years younger than me, 5 years younger than bf and I used to go to her (when bf didnt have same shift as me) crying and telling her everything that would happen with him, so she knew all the shit he did). I was scared he was going to kill me one day, I was scared to stay, scared to leave, all the stupid things and all I wanted was consistent love. We did end up breaking up a few months after I turned 21, he ended up dating our work daughter and took her virginity too! He also did all the shit to her as he did to me! I felt bad for her at first but then thought no you dumb fuck, you knew EVERYTHING you were getting into smh. Anyway, I went to a family event for bio dad, bf was working, they wanted to meet him; we set up lunch for the following day. Bio dad said he was going to give bf the "talk" yk...with the shot gun type of talk. I said I don't feel comfortable with that because firstly, it's not his place, I have my dad (adopted), secondly, bio dad even agreed that we more so have a friend relationship at this point, and third, I've already been with bf for 3 years so it's not appropriate. He got REALLY salty the morning of the meet. We were coordinating plans and everything when he said along the lines, "We haven't seen you in person for almost 2 years now yet you always have time to go out...etc.etc." I responded, "The two times that you have seen me post that I was out, I was across the street from work. I went there for about 2 hours both times with bf and co-workers. I cannot drive 6-8 hours to you and 6-8 hours back in the same day. I work two full time jobs and am going to college online full-time. I'm sorry that I'm making you feel this way or that I've been distant but I try talking and seeing you all (on Skype and such) as much as I can. I don't know what else you want me to do or say at this point. That's why I'm excited for this meet up today. You also could have put in the effort to come out this way these last two years to visit me as well, but again, I'm sorry. I hope you all aren't mad at me, I'm really trying here." He then tells me "I'm going to have to cancel lunch today. I don't think meeting today is a good idea. Now I'm going to have to tell your (LITTLE) siblings that you don't want to see them today since you never have time for us and have basically disappeared from our lives these last 2 years." Aaaaand that's when I ✨️lost✨️ my shit and popped off 🙃 "ME?! I'm the one that disappeared?!?! How fucking dare you say that. How fucking dare you try to do that to them and me. YOU disappeared from MY life at 4 years old, LIED to the entire family (they still questioned if I'm "there's" or not, even had received the comment "Even though you're not ours, your ours because we've known you since a baby" and only 1 of bio dad's parents is still somewhat in touch with me to this day btw) I didn't see YOU for 12 YEARS of my life! I reached out to YOU, I have been the only one making an effort to keep the line of communication open and going and even after all of that plus my explaining that I work TWO full-time jobs plus full-time school, you still have the nerve and audacity to make me the bad guy and say I'm the one not trying here?! YOU are going to continue to LIE and tell MY siblings that I don't want to see them when that couldn't be further from the truth?! I'm going to tell you this ONCE, YOU blew your first chance of staying in my life when I was a child, now you're blowing it a SECOND time with me as an adult; there WILL NOT be a third time. I WILL NOT subject myself to this nor do I need your added stress. I WILL NOT allow you to do this to me EVER again. If my siblings or even step mom (or that side of the family) want to be in contact with me-I will gladly accept that but YOU are DEAD to me. Don't talk to me, don't contact me, I want NOTHING to do with YOU anymore, sperm donor." ... no response ...every couple of years after that I got a "happy birthday" or "merry christmas" here and there but I never responded. It's been a few years with no interaction from him. I just miss my siblings. I got so attached to them and I miss them, I tried staying in contact through video chats but they were still fairly young at that point so it was difficult plus having him or step mom in the background sometimes was awkward. They're now getting a bit older, sibling 2 is turning 18, sibling 3 will be 16. We have each other on social media but don't talk and very very VERY rarely interact with likes on posts. I'm afraid to make the first move, I don't want to push anything, I don't know what bio dad has been feeding into their brains about me, etc. My relationship with them will NEVER be as close as with my almost 21 y/o sibling 1 from (adopted) dad, which I can accept, I absolutely love my sibling 1 that I grew up with like nothing and no one else; I practically raised him tbh. But I do think about the other 2 siblings, I miss them, I just don't know if I should respect unspoken boundaries or make the first move? What do you think? And lmk if you want more of these batshit crazy stories that I've went through (tbh I'm probably going to post another seeking advice on another subject). ✌🏻
submitted by moomunequita to AITAH [link] [comments]
It's a very very long story and there's more that I could go on about but- My parents had me young, mom (19), bio dad (21). They separated when I was around 3 or 4 y/o and that's when my dad (19) (that later adopted me) came into my life. When he went to adopt me at about 7 y/o, before sibling 1 was born, they needed bio dad to release his rights; he agreed on one condition from my mom, 'Don't talk to my family anymore, I will handle it'. So he signed, with the additional agreement that he would not have to pay child support, dad adopted me. I ended up with 1 little sibling and I wanted nothing to do with bio dad at this point, he was already out of my life since the adoption. At around 12 years old, my parents started their divorce, moms second divorce. This divorce was completely different. At first, I hated my (adopted) dad but then again, he used to work 3 jobs to support us, only had 1 day off and used it as a "cleaning day" (which I later appreciated as an adult because I had SEVERE allergies, but in the moment I was just like wtf man fr?) From 13 y/o to about 15 y/o my moms at the time bf was sexually abusing me, forcing me to "cuddle" on the couch, he would pretend to fall asleep (in 5 seconds) and touch my non existent boobs and coochie while grinding his boner against my butt until he had enough. I would lay there silently crying until he actually fell asleep, slowly crawl away, and be up the whole rest of the school night, in shock, crying, cutting myself, and writing very depressing poems. He would break open the bathroom door while I was bathing and would try to peep at me in the tub. I'd cover myself under the bubble bath for HOURS until I had no bubbles and the water was cold. I then tried hurting myself even worse but sibling walked in on me. I broke down and thought if I do this, this dude is going to go for my sibling so I'll just take whatever it is to protect them. So I did. I dealt with all the things plus him walking in on me SERVERAL times in my bedroom each time after I'd have a bath/shower (no lock on the door). This guy also apparently would hit, strangle, and rape my mom. I came to find out that he had a record too, he and his brother abducted a 17 y/o or 18 y/o girl, took her to a trap house, raped her in a bathroom with a pole-blood in the tub, sink, toilet, floor, etc. He also was busted because he put a garbage bag over another man's head and lit it on fire-because the man was black. (Dude ended up being dishonorably discharged later on btw) Eventually, she got rid of him, dated a bit, and settled with a new bf, my now step dad of over 10 years. At this point, I was 16 y/o, had a GREAT relationship with (adopted) dad (not so much my mom), and became curious about my bio dad-where I came from, family customs/traditions, similarities/differences, interests, the other half of who I am. I found him on social media, reached out but didn't get a response for 2-3 weeks. Shortly after us chatting, I went to see him (adopted dad and sibling 1 came with). I had 2 more siblings from bio dad, they were a decade or so younger than me, and sibling 3 didn't resemble me much but did with sibling 2 BUT sibling 2 looked so much like me at that age, weird. A short time later, there was a family event by bio dad, I was invited but had no way to get there (about a 6 hour drive from where I was at the time) so his sistemy aunt said she'd take me. She picked me up and I was to spend the night at her house (with my 2 cousins) then we would travel in the morning. I was so excited because I vaguely remember cousin 1 from childhood, apparently we were super close growing up together, I was eager to reconnect and bond with my cousins. When spending the night, cousin 2 went to sleep early (a bit younger than cousin 1 and I), so cousin 1 and I were talking for hours, it was great being able to reconnect/re-establish our relationship...until he kissed me, threw himself on me, tried getting me to touch him as he started to touch me. I said stop wtf what are you doing we are FIRST cousins!! He chuckled and said "We are but we're not" ... "wtf are you talking about?" ... "I'm not supposed to say but your dad had a DNA test done during tour parents divorce and told all of us your mom cheated on him, you're not ACTUALLY his acoording to the test" ... so at this point, I'm disgusted, have so many questions, confused, am in a house of 'family' that I don't know/don't believe that I am family-I went to sleep. Next day we traveled to see bio dad and after the event I asked him and step mom about it and also mentioned that because of this cousin 1 tried "xyz". Bio dad's response to the DNA-"Your mother had the DNA test done and it said I was not your bio father, she probably lied/gave me a fake test so I would stay out of your life." I went to my mom and questioned her, she said "Absolutely not, you know your (adopted) father and I don't talk so you can even ask him to verify that I'm not lying. I have no idea about anything that has to do with a DNA test, we never had one as he (bio das) was my first and we got married then I was prengant with you about 3-4 months after getting married." I asked (adopted) dad and his story lined up perfectly with my mom's. So bio dad lied to me and his entire side of the family to save face. He lied to all of them because his agreement of giving up his rights to me and not having to pay child support would not have been supported by his side of the family so he told them I wasn't his and supposedly provided a (fake) test so they'd get off his back about it. My grandfather from him said he saw the test-but there was no test! Beyond fucked up man...but whatever. I still wanted a connection. I wanted to leave the bullshit in the past and move forward right? So, fast forward a bit, I was in a 3 year (3 out of 3.5 year) relationship with a TRUE P.O.S. bf that was physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. We lived together for 3 years out of our 3.5 year relationship. He was addicted to porn, would call me a bitch every single day amoung other things, ended up raping me and thought it was funny, would hit, kick, choke me (not in the good way), and push me off the bed but then say "You think I want to be like this?! You think I want to do this to you?! Hurt you?! You're making me do it, it's your fault because you have issues." I wasn't "allowed" to talk to my guy friends because they're guys (and I didn't have many girl friends at all), especially my best guy friend that I grew up with and had known since 3 y/o. Bf would isolate me from my families even. At work, I only would talk to my guy friends/male co-workers if bf wasn't there otherwise he would ignore me the whole shift and be brutal when we got home (yeah, we also worked together for a bit over 3 years). I then found out that bf went on the dark web and watched a man kidnap someone, rape her, murder her, and proceed to rape her corpse...my bf was getting off on it! He even said he went back on the next night to do it again but site was blocked. FUCKING PSYCHOTIC. I could go on and on about his craziness. I was his 3rd virgin btw and at work we had a "work daughter" (was so close to that girl, she was 3 years younger than me, 5 years younger than bf and I used to go to her (when bf didnt have same shift as me) crying and telling her everything that would happen with him, so she knew all the shit he did). I was scared he was going to kill me one day, I was scared to stay, scared to leave, all the stupid things and all I wanted was consistent love. We did end up breaking up a few months after I turned 21, he ended up dating our work daughter and took her virginity too! He also did all the shit to her as he did to me! I felt bad for her at first but then thought no you dumb fuck, you knew EVERYTHING you were getting into smh. Anyway, I went to a family event for bio dad, bf was working, they wanted to meet him; we set up lunch for the following day. Bio dad said he was going to give bf the "talk" yk...with the shot gun type of talk. I said I don't feel comfortable with that because firstly, it's not his place, I have my dad (adopted), secondly, bio dad even agreed that we more so have a friend relationship at this point, and third, I've already been with bf for 3 years so it's not appropriate. He got REALLY salty the morning of the meet. We were coordinating plans and everything when he said along the lines, "We haven't seen you in person for almost 2 years now yet you always have time to go out...etc.etc." I responded, "The two times that you have seen me post that I was out, I was across the street from work. I went there for about 2 hours both times with bf and co-workers. I cannot drive 6-8 hours to you and 6-8 hours back in the same day. I work two full time jobs and am going to college online full-time. I'm sorry that I'm making you feel this way or that I've been distant but I try talking and seeing you all (on Skype and such) as much as I can. I don't know what else you want me to do or say at this point. That's why I'm excited for this meet up today. You also could have put in the effort to come out this way these last two years to visit me as well, but again, I'm sorry. I hope you all aren't mad at me, I'm really trying here." He then tells me "I'm going to have to cancel lunch today. I don't think meeting today is a good idea. Now I'm going to have to tell your (LITTLE) siblings that you don't want to see them today since you never have time for us and have basically disappeared from our lives these last 2 years." Aaaaand that's when I ✨️lost✨️ my shit and popped off 🙃 "ME?! I'm the one that disappeared?!?! How fucking dare you say that. How fucking dare you try to do that to them and me. YOU disappeared from MY life at 4 years old, LIED to the entire family (they still questioned if I'm "there's" or not, even had received the comment "Even though you're not ours, your ours because we've known you since a baby" and only 1 of bio dad's parents is still somewhat in touch with me to this day btw) I didn't see YOU for 12 YEARS of my life! I reached out to YOU, I have been the only one making an effort to keep the line of communication open and going and even after all of that plus my explaining that I work TWO full-time jobs plus full-time school, you still have the nerve and audacity to make me the bad guy and say I'm the one not trying here?! YOU are going to continue to LIE and tell MY siblings that I don't want to see them when that couldn't be further from the truth?! I'm going to tell you this ONCE, YOU blew your first chance of staying in my life when I was a child, now you're blowing it a SECOND time with me as an adult; there WILL NOT be a third time. I WILL NOT subject myself to this nor do I need your added stress. I WILL NOT allow you to do this to me EVER again. If my siblings or even step mom (or that side of the family) want to be in contact with me-I will gladly accept that but YOU are DEAD to me. Don't talk to me, don't contact me, I want NOTHING to do with YOU anymore, sperm donor." ... no response ...every couple of years after that I got a "happy birthday" or "merry christmas" here and there but I never responded. It's been a few years with no interaction from him. I just miss my siblings. I got so attached to them and I miss them, I tried staying in contact through video chats but they were still fairly young at that point so it was difficult plus having him or step mom in the background sometimes was awkward. They're now getting a bit older, sibling 2 is turning 18, sibling 3 will be 16. We have each other on social media but don't talk and very very VERY rarely interact with likes on posts. I'm afraid to make the first move, I don't want to push anything, I don't know what bio dad has been feeding into their brains about me, etc. My relationship with them will NEVER be as close as with my almost 21 y/o sibling 1 from (adopted) dad, which I can accept, I absolutely love my sibling 1 that I grew up with like nothing and no one else; I practically raised him tbh. But I do think about the other 2 siblings, I miss them, I just don't know if I should respect unspoken boundaries or make the first move? What do you think? And lmk if you want more of these batshit crazy stories that I've went through (tbh I'm probably going to post another seeking advice on another subject). ✌🏻
2024.06.09 16:16 Makoleido Trying Life Without Videos: Key Questions to Start
Hi all - long-time lurker here finally taking the plunge. I want to stop watching online videos for a period of time. I've had a lot of success with stopgaming (4+ years without video games) and stopdrinking (coming up to half a year without a drink), so wanted to stack on those successes with this. I'm aiming to stop watching videos for a set amount of milestones leading up to 66 days.
To help habits stick, I find it helpful to answer some important 'what and why' questions first. With that in mind:
Why do I watch videos currently?
submitted by Makoleido to nosurf [link] [comments]
To help habits stick, I find it helpful to answer some important 'what and why' questions first. With that in mind:
Why do I watch videos currently?
- I watch YouTube out of boredom, because I find the content funny, interesting or entertaining. This can occasionally lead to going there by default and watching 'mind-numbing' content - not entertaining or interesting, but just something to do.
- If it's a TV series, then I'm a sucker for a cliffhanger. Rather than watch one episode and leave the next as a treat for the day after, I occasionally chain-watch episodes of any series I'm watching. This can lead to losing entire days at its worst.
- I recently considered how much time I spend watching videos per day. It averages out at three hours per day, and can occasionally be as high as five. Videos don't give me anything valuable in return beyond just the hit of feeling satisfying in the moment; beyond rare educational content (i.e. MIT OpenCourseware/lectures) there's very limited educational value. As I watch most videos during either the morning or afternoon/evening, I also associate it with bed rot.
- I want to reprioritise the time into matters that help me grow; either through learning or by spending time with others while we have time to spend.
- I'm currently writing my thesis, and want to achieve the best grade I can. I can't afford to waste time on videos. I know that repurposing some video time into thesis time would not only greatly benefit my thesis, but would set me up with a good habit for life thereafter.
- For better sleep. Although I'm usually very good with videos, I've been awful lately, and on some nights haven't gone to sleep until later than 1am. At my most productive I've been asleep by 10pm and up by 5:30am - I'd like that back, at least for the time being.
- A core part of me hates that I spend my working day looking at a screen and then - when the work day's over - I then relax and unwind by coming home and looking at another screen. That isn't right. That isn't what life should be.
- I enjoy running/light calisthenics, and don't do it anywhere near as much as I should. Morning exercise can make me feel good for an entire day. I'd like some of the time saved to go towards that.
- I'd put some of the time towards doing social things with my friends. I hate the idea of replacing in-person socialising with just staring at a screen, and hope this can help with that.
- At least for the next month, I'd replace the lion's share of time saved with writing my thesis. Certainly not all of it, but around half to 75%.
- I want to learn Python and to eventually (finally) pass CS50. I'd be open to downloading educational-only content that I need in order to learn as the one exception to this.
- What I won't do is allow my usage of the internet to run rampant with other distraction (here's looking at you, Reddit). To help with that, I'm going to make my usage of 'distraction sites' (any form of social media) deliberate - I'm going to write down exactly what website I'm using and what I want to do on that website whenever I use it. I do count Reddit in that list.
- Talking to my friends on WhatsApp and joining the nosurf discord seem like a great start.
- I will set ColdTurkey up to block YouTube and similar problem websites for all but five minutes per day. The five minutes is as I might occasionally need to use YouTube for the sake of my thesis - this would allow me to grab a video link for citation without binging the day away watching it.
- By going for walks. I've found that cravings for things I want to do, while intense, don't last for as long as it feels like they might. By going for a walk when I want to watch a video, I give myself the chance to recalibrate and think.
- I currently plan out my days and track what I do every day in a square-paper book. To add to what I already do with this, I'm going to start assigning specific tasks/things that need doing for each day. That way, if I want to spend time watching videos, I can at least quickly direct myself at another task that needs doing instead.
- I have a solid night-time routine, which involves preparing everything for the next morning. That already helps a lot.
- If I'm feeling completely restless, I'll go to another room and read for a bit. I picked this up from Why We Sleep - I don't want to associate my bed with sleeplessness.
- If I'm feeling tired, I'll read in bed with a soft lamp.
- By funnelling emotions into both exercise (tracked with Strava) and by writing my thoughts (either in my pen-and-paper notepad or on Obsidian).
- With this subreddit! I can see that u/badgebot is a mod here, so I've sent off a DM asking for a badge. I assume they're applicable to this subreddit?
- By setting milestones along the way. These milestones will be 1 day, 2 days, 4 days, 1 week, 2 weeks, 1 month, 2 months and - finally - 66 days respectively. This last one has been chosen as it's believed to be the amount of time it takes to form a new habit. I'll denote each of the milestones in my calendar, and will make a post on this subreddit for how things are going on those days.
2024.06.09 15:44 Many-Barber6989 (LONG) Are Males really Inferior & Unhelpful Reproduction-Wise?
Yeah yeah, an old saying, reproduction isn't the purpose of life and doesn't determine value, but let me explain...
So, I am a 16 Year Old, who was introduced to ""feminism"" somewhere in 2022 (I think), thanks to a friend of mine. It turns out, this was actually Mysandry, in the sense that he shared how some of these "feminists" were trying to get rid of men in reproduction, one example being the "fact" that their vaginas will evolve into penises and clone themselves, except that would probably make them hermaphrodites and should happen with men too...
Nonetheless, I was "invested", since this gave me an idea about the two sexes (which would be used for a fictional piece in the end, just with a bit of spiece from our Universe, lol), since I am quite the brain stormer, not bragging or narcissism, I just come up with a lot ideas in general. But as time went on, I started to suffer from overthoughts and the amount of information I've found, including myths like "We were all Female", "Females came before Males", "Women have stronger legs", "You're Genetically Superior and Flawless due to XX", "Men are the weaker sex", "You were inside your Mother who was inside your Grandmother", "Inteligence is Mother Only", among other things, although that last one wasn't as common though). There are still fools, especially on Quora, who believe that all embryos start out as females, and just look at some individuals on that site like Anonymous04, horrors! I also tried to ask ChatGPT, but it's pretty much declining and INFURIATING! SO MANY WRONG ANSWERS! SOMETIMES IT'S OUTRIGHT LAZY!
These moments got soooo BAD, that I: -concerned my parents -made my dad think I was... drugged (since I acted blank when I was working with him once) -wasted my school-off week by overthinking -replied to many answers that ANNOYED me (arguably still do, and embarrassed myself, perhaps) -kept talking to my online friends-couldn't change the topic and basically made it my entire personality or routine for like the past few weeks (maybe even months!) -had an existencial crisis, outbursts, screaming, $u!c!d@l thoughts, etc. -and evenbecame skeptical and "mad" at God (yes, and screw off with the atheism)
Needless to say... It's quite complicated with me and I could go in-depth a lot more, but I managed to recover from most issues. However, before I settle things up, I need to settle one more thing, and that is reproduction. As far as we know, both Males & Females exist to reproduce genetically diverse offsprings, the only difference is their investments, Females for Offspring Support & Males for Competition or Attraction.
While I've noted and saved many things to read later on (like Seminal Fluids doing much more than just transfering Sperm Cells), I am still a bit concerned, stressed and annoyed, cause it just feels like females are the more favored sex in like existence (oversimplication to say it like that, really), and so, I'd like to ask some few things... Although I am definitely gonna give a lot due to overthinking and concerns:
1.Nucleous: So, as far as we know, both Ovum & Sperm Nuclei fuse to form a Zygote, a new life. Both parents guide the development of the child's characteristics and functions, however, APPERANTLY Ovum Cells have been illustrated to have a 'Nucleous' in their 'Nucleus', and turns out this is some sh!t that Zygotes "apperantly need". It's from this jackshit article from 2008: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2265587/#:\~:text=Sperm%20have%20no%20nucleoli%2C%20so,oocyte%20for%20its%20nucleolar%20beginnings. But allas, does this really make sense? No other information has been found or mentioned anywhere else. There's the "Germinal Vesicle" (Nucleus) and the "Germinal Spot" (Nuclelous), but apperantly when the Ovum goes through M II or however it was, the Germinal Vesicle breaks down and dissolves/mixes with the Cytoplasm or so. So is the Germinal Spot the actual Nucleus, and the "Germinal Vesicle" is just one of the ""expensive ingredients"" of the Ovum? Sperm Cells apperantly have Nuclear Vascoles, are those influencal?
2.Cytoplasm: Upon researching more and talking to some Chat Bots (for thes sake of sanity... or INsanity), does the Cytoplasm actually create and give rise to our cells and tissues or is that an outdaded misunderstanding, and it's main & actual function is to SUPPORT the development of the cells created by both parents? ChatGPT has also said that it also gives Building Blocks, Energy, Cell Growth & Differentiation or some confusing crap, but are those words actually referring to the processes of the Zygote's more stable and rapid growth? Is it true that this Cytoplasm is the Cytoplasm in our cells, or since it decreases, is it easily replaced by the production of our cells (combination of mom and dad, as we know)?
3.Organelles: Cytoplasmic components that are apart of the Cytoplasm' support, but again, are those organelles still the same as those in our cells? Shouldn't they decrease like the Cytoplasm and be created by our cells again since (and I am using Google Searches, cuz yes): ---Ribosomes apperantly originate from our Nucleo-lus? ---Lysosomes are formed by the fusion of transport vesciles budded from the trans Golgi network with endosomes ---Endosomes form by the inagination of the plasma membrance and are trigger by the activation of cell surface receptors ---Golgi Bodies originate from the endoplasmic reticulum ---The endoplasmic reticulum originates from the outer membrance of the nuclear envelop during cell division and among other things, but is Mitochondria the only organelle that manages to stay in by it's high number and self reproduction? Is Mitochondria like 90% of the Ovum's organelles hopefully thinking and the other organelles are a small amount compared to the Mitochondria?
4.Cytoskeleton: Apperantly, that is also a thing and it's not an organelle, but apperantly it also has evolved from prokaryotic cytomotive filaments. Even then, Sperm Cells apperantly have a highly specialized cytoskeletal organization or cytoskeletal proteins (like actin, tubulin and spectrin), so?...
5.RNA: Do we inherit more RNA from mom due to the freaking egg, or is it irrelevant because it is transient as the embryo starts to produce it's own RNA and proteins? But ChatGPT has also said this crap: "This maternal RNA helps to jump-start the developmental processes until the Zygote's own genome can take over". It has been said that Sperm has "vanishingly small" amount of RNA compared to the Ovum, but then there have been studies that Non-Coding RNA or so can influence Embryo Development or that Sperm delivers a complex population of RNAs to the Oocyte. Based on a Google Research, I've found this: "6871 proteins have been identified and reported in Sperm, 1376 in the Oocyte and 1300 in the Blastocyst. With a deeper analysis of the sperm proteome, 103 proteins with known roles in the processes of fertilization and 93 with roles in early embryo development have been identified." Can the RNA in seminal fluids/plasma be influential or inherited too? Isn't RNA small?
9.Paternal Contributions: It has been depicted and said that only the head of the Sperm gets delivered, but apperantly there are articles that say that this is also a misconception that the entire sperm enters the egg, with the assumptions being that the Paternal MtDNA not being transmitted, but apperantly, the Sperm Mitochondria actually enters the egg but needs to be destroyed to prevent issues like the Mitochondrial diseases. With this in mind though, what else does the Sperm contribute to the embryo? Centrioles, Centrosomes & the Microtubule System & Microspindle-... Apperatus needed for mitosis? are done by the Sperm too, and it also brings the Chemical Signal for the Egg to activate it's metabolism and complete meiosis? Does this chemical also do anything like give calcuim to the Egg or anything else too? If the entire sperm enters the egg, what else could it bring to the embryonic development? Can there be any paternal contributions to milk like the Y chromosome presence in women bodyparts due to boy pregnancy and the high estrogen, prolactin & a bit of progestertone in seminal fluids? Are there more Sperm components and organelles that we can't easily observe? Is it possible that the absorbtion of all Sperm Cells can benefit the cells of females if the tail has more than 1000 proteins? Does the Journey, Agility, Adapatations, Variability, Motility & Penentration of the Sperm influence the Nucleus (therefore Embryo) in any way? What about the penentrations of multiple sperms (even if they won't enter or mege with the egg)? Or am I just fantasing, and reality is cruel? What about the chromatin condensation sperm? Are sperm cells, and therefore males, just doomed to be not helpful and more limted?...
10.Male Investment: We know that Males invest time into various behaviors, but how exactly does this help the species? Do they optimize & improve their genes? Do they evolve new traits? Do they mutate more? Are males a great investment for evolution or adaptability? Anything else unique? If more females than males have reproduced, does that mean that males are inferior or not helpful and that nature prefers females more? If males and sperm cells are simpler, does that mean they are inferior, disadvantaged or not special? Do non-reproducing males still help with something (assuming they haven't died)? Do you need to almost always (excluding species like Orange Cats and Calico Cats) have a 50/50 amount of both sexes so you don't cause genetic problems even if fewer males will pass on their genes?
That's all I really have to say, I probably sound like I am being dramatic, impulsive and immature, but I really have been overthinking and so, I'd like if some help could be given. This sure was long, but I think I might have given something interesting and such. I thought this could be used as a last resort to settle this before I grow up more. I hope I didn't seem bad or anything like that. I am just in a "scared and confused" situation from the amount of stuff I've seen. ChatGPT really isn't good when it comes to mental health, lol
submitted by Many-Barber6989 to malementalhealth [link] [comments]
So, I am a 16 Year Old, who was introduced to ""feminism"" somewhere in 2022 (I think), thanks to a friend of mine. It turns out, this was actually Mysandry, in the sense that he shared how some of these "feminists" were trying to get rid of men in reproduction, one example being the "fact" that their vaginas will evolve into penises and clone themselves, except that would probably make them hermaphrodites and should happen with men too...
Nonetheless, I was "invested", since this gave me an idea about the two sexes (which would be used for a fictional piece in the end, just with a bit of spiece from our Universe, lol), since I am quite the brain stormer, not bragging or narcissism, I just come up with a lot ideas in general. But as time went on, I started to suffer from overthoughts and the amount of information I've found, including myths like "We were all Female", "Females came before Males", "Women have stronger legs", "You're Genetically Superior and Flawless due to XX", "Men are the weaker sex", "You were inside your Mother who was inside your Grandmother", "Inteligence is Mother Only", among other things, although that last one wasn't as common though). There are still fools, especially on Quora, who believe that all embryos start out as females, and just look at some individuals on that site like Anonymous04, horrors! I also tried to ask ChatGPT, but it's pretty much declining and INFURIATING! SO MANY WRONG ANSWERS! SOMETIMES IT'S OUTRIGHT LAZY!
These moments got soooo BAD, that I: -concerned my parents -made my dad think I was... drugged (since I acted blank when I was working with him once) -wasted my school-off week by overthinking -replied to many answers that ANNOYED me (arguably still do, and embarrassed myself, perhaps) -kept talking to my online friends-couldn't change the topic and basically made it my entire personality or routine for like the past few weeks (maybe even months!) -had an existencial crisis, outbursts, screaming, $u!c!d@l thoughts, etc. -and evenbecame skeptical and "mad" at God (yes, and screw off with the atheism)
Needless to say... It's quite complicated with me and I could go in-depth a lot more, but I managed to recover from most issues. However, before I settle things up, I need to settle one more thing, and that is reproduction. As far as we know, both Males & Females exist to reproduce genetically diverse offsprings, the only difference is their investments, Females for Offspring Support & Males for Competition or Attraction.
While I've noted and saved many things to read later on (like Seminal Fluids doing much more than just transfering Sperm Cells), I am still a bit concerned, stressed and annoyed, cause it just feels like females are the more favored sex in like existence (oversimplication to say it like that, really), and so, I'd like to ask some few things... Although I am definitely gonna give a lot due to overthinking and concerns:
1.Nucleous: So, as far as we know, both Ovum & Sperm Nuclei fuse to form a Zygote, a new life. Both parents guide the development of the child's characteristics and functions, however, APPERANTLY Ovum Cells have been illustrated to have a 'Nucleous' in their 'Nucleus', and turns out this is some sh!t that Zygotes "apperantly need". It's from this jackshit article from 2008: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2265587/#:\~:text=Sperm%20have%20no%20nucleoli%2C%20so,oocyte%20for%20its%20nucleolar%20beginnings. But allas, does this really make sense? No other information has been found or mentioned anywhere else. There's the "Germinal Vesicle" (Nucleus) and the "Germinal Spot" (Nuclelous), but apperantly when the Ovum goes through M II or however it was, the Germinal Vesicle breaks down and dissolves/mixes with the Cytoplasm or so. So is the Germinal Spot the actual Nucleus, and the "Germinal Vesicle" is just one of the ""expensive ingredients"" of the Ovum? Sperm Cells apperantly have Nuclear Vascoles, are those influencal?
2.Cytoplasm: Upon researching more and talking to some Chat Bots (for thes sake of sanity... or INsanity), does the Cytoplasm actually create and give rise to our cells and tissues or is that an outdaded misunderstanding, and it's main & actual function is to SUPPORT the development of the cells created by both parents? ChatGPT has also said that it also gives Building Blocks, Energy, Cell Growth & Differentiation or some confusing crap, but are those words actually referring to the processes of the Zygote's more stable and rapid growth? Is it true that this Cytoplasm is the Cytoplasm in our cells, or since it decreases, is it easily replaced by the production of our cells (combination of mom and dad, as we know)?
3.Organelles: Cytoplasmic components that are apart of the Cytoplasm' support, but again, are those organelles still the same as those in our cells? Shouldn't they decrease like the Cytoplasm and be created by our cells again since (and I am using Google Searches, cuz yes): ---Ribosomes apperantly originate from our Nucleo-lus? ---Lysosomes are formed by the fusion of transport vesciles budded from the trans Golgi network with endosomes ---Endosomes form by the inagination of the plasma membrance and are trigger by the activation of cell surface receptors ---Golgi Bodies originate from the endoplasmic reticulum ---The endoplasmic reticulum originates from the outer membrance of the nuclear envelop during cell division and among other things, but is Mitochondria the only organelle that manages to stay in by it's high number and self reproduction? Is Mitochondria like 90% of the Ovum's organelles hopefully thinking and the other organelles are a small amount compared to the Mitochondria?
4.Cytoskeleton: Apperantly, that is also a thing and it's not an organelle, but apperantly it also has evolved from prokaryotic cytomotive filaments. Even then, Sperm Cells apperantly have a highly specialized cytoskeletal organization or cytoskeletal proteins (like actin, tubulin and spectrin), so?...
5.RNA: Do we inherit more RNA from mom due to the freaking egg, or is it irrelevant because it is transient as the embryo starts to produce it's own RNA and proteins? But ChatGPT has also said this crap: "This maternal RNA helps to jump-start the developmental processes until the Zygote's own genome can take over". It has been said that Sperm has "vanishingly small" amount of RNA compared to the Ovum, but then there have been studies that Non-Coding RNA or so can influence Embryo Development or that Sperm delivers a complex population of RNAs to the Oocyte. Based on a Google Research, I've found this: "6871 proteins have been identified and reported in Sperm, 1376 in the Oocyte and 1300 in the Blastocyst. With a deeper analysis of the sperm proteome, 103 proteins with known roles in the processes of fertilization and 93 with roles in early embryo development have been identified." Can the RNA in seminal fluids/plasma be influential or inherited too? Isn't RNA small?
- Is most of our makeup matrilineal and are we therefore more related, connected or like our mothers???!!
- Epi-Genetics: Is it true that epi-genetics tend to favor mothers more? ChatFuckingGPT has said that RNA can influence certain aspects of cellular function and gene expression, and that pregnancy and even nursing can cause genes to be expressed or some sh!t, but aren't there studies that say that Mammals are more like their fathers (even if outdaded) and that the sex determination & even seminal fluids can cause gene expression too? Do mothers give us more gene expressions? Are we more like our mothers because of the gene expressions? Or are these outdaded myths?!
9.Paternal Contributions: It has been depicted and said that only the head of the Sperm gets delivered, but apperantly there are articles that say that this is also a misconception that the entire sperm enters the egg, with the assumptions being that the Paternal MtDNA not being transmitted, but apperantly, the Sperm Mitochondria actually enters the egg but needs to be destroyed to prevent issues like the Mitochondrial diseases. With this in mind though, what else does the Sperm contribute to the embryo? Centrioles, Centrosomes & the Microtubule System & Microspindle-... Apperatus needed for mitosis? are done by the Sperm too, and it also brings the Chemical Signal for the Egg to activate it's metabolism and complete meiosis? Does this chemical also do anything like give calcuim to the Egg or anything else too? If the entire sperm enters the egg, what else could it bring to the embryonic development? Can there be any paternal contributions to milk like the Y chromosome presence in women bodyparts due to boy pregnancy and the high estrogen, prolactin & a bit of progestertone in seminal fluids? Are there more Sperm components and organelles that we can't easily observe? Is it possible that the absorbtion of all Sperm Cells can benefit the cells of females if the tail has more than 1000 proteins? Does the Journey, Agility, Adapatations, Variability, Motility & Penentration of the Sperm influence the Nucleus (therefore Embryo) in any way? What about the penentrations of multiple sperms (even if they won't enter or mege with the egg)? Or am I just fantasing, and reality is cruel? What about the chromatin condensation sperm? Are sperm cells, and therefore males, just doomed to be not helpful and more limted?...
10.Male Investment: We know that Males invest time into various behaviors, but how exactly does this help the species? Do they optimize & improve their genes? Do they evolve new traits? Do they mutate more? Are males a great investment for evolution or adaptability? Anything else unique? If more females than males have reproduced, does that mean that males are inferior or not helpful and that nature prefers females more? If males and sperm cells are simpler, does that mean they are inferior, disadvantaged or not special? Do non-reproducing males still help with something (assuming they haven't died)? Do you need to almost always (excluding species like Orange Cats and Calico Cats) have a 50/50 amount of both sexes so you don't cause genetic problems even if fewer males will pass on their genes?
That's all I really have to say, I probably sound like I am being dramatic, impulsive and immature, but I really have been overthinking and so, I'd like if some help could be given. This sure was long, but I think I might have given something interesting and such. I thought this could be used as a last resort to settle this before I grow up more. I hope I didn't seem bad or anything like that. I am just in a "scared and confused" situation from the amount of stuff I've seen. ChatGPT really isn't good when it comes to mental health, lol
2024.06.09 15:22 No_Funny3533 Scam Artist mingmei1344 (Yomi) and her accounts at: Aiu_Agency, asiahug.com, datesteady.com, cudate.com, Jpndate.com, sayhiup.com, Rose, Miyuki Miyamoto, SW Entertainment and more
 | My name is Mark Faraday. I was just looking for love back around January 20th, 2024 but I don’t want to see anyone else get scammed. I had a human profile picture when I was using these website, and was honest. I ran into a whole lying network run by a Woman, her friends, and a man. I will update this story if I have more to say in the future. Her nickname is Yomi, she told me her name was Miyuki Miyamoto and she was from Japan. Her real name is Jeong Nahyeon and she is from South Korea. She also has fake Chinese accounts like: submitted by No_Funny3533 to Romance_Scamer [link] [comments] Mingmei1344: https://www.instagram.com/mingmei1344/ Mingmeichan: https://www.instagram.com/mingmeichan/ mingmei1344 Mingmei Liu My Story is long but it is worth reading. From January to June as the writing of this post. I labeled each part so it easy to jump around to the parts you want to read.
Account 1: (Kawaii, Silly girl fake account) https://www.instagram.com/yuyu_only5/ yuyu_only5 Account 2: https://www.instagram.com/_yuyu_only5?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== _yuyu_only5 Yomi Newest Account: Chloee_asuna https://www.instagram.com/chloeee_asuna/p/C7kNkmzSIEi/?img_index=1 chloeee_asuna Jeong Nahyeon Lover or Friend 🙁(Scam Artist Man) 🙁 https://www.instagram.com/_xijii_/ _xijii_ Jpndate.com the site where I met Yomi (Jeong Nahyeon) original, closed on May 1st 2024. Never came back as the writing of this post. However, their sister site DateSteady.com is still very active. https://www.datesteady.com/ datesteady.com Another Scam website they own: https://www.asiahug.com/ asiahug.com
There is this dangerous woman who I am mad in love with (same person) running many fake Chinese/Japanese/Korean Romance scam websites, fake Instagram pages, tik tok, We chats, and many Chinese porn sites. It is the same person, she uses her looks with pictures and videos to steal money from men. She has many names she goes by, probably even more than I found. She also uses bots to get fake likes and weird Anime filters to try to look like an idol. She has scam artist female friends also I found. She the leader. I know a lot of scammers steal from other people's identities but that is not the case here. This is the same person as the scammer. My story will explain it. As well as this person has pictures of the same person you can’t find anywhere else on the Internet. Even if you do a Reverse Face image search. They said information that match to an unbelievable level. The person who Scammed me: Has Many names (Such As) And a talent for speaking many languages
yomi__na
la.nnnn930
hanhanhuwe
gracegracemei Email: [miyukilovee@outlook.com](mailto:miyukilovee@outlook.com) (Something about BlessCeline Lovee) Skype ID: live:.cid.737fb9ac2ad5655c
(Make Sense) u/mingmei1344 https://www.instagram.com/mingmei1344/ https://www.facebook.com/liuliu.meimingmei (Owner of aiu_agency since 2015) u/aiu_agency https://www.instagram.com/aiu_agency/
Google Drive (AI_U Agency) Hotel Connected: SHILLA STAY Gwanghwamun Her Scam Artist friends who work for both Ai_U Agency and JPNDATE CUDATE (That I found) (Some of these might also be her, not sure) Vynnie_nat : https://www.instagram.com/vynnie_nat/# (I think this Yomi friend and the next 2 images may also be that person 1 of 3)vynnie_natjiejierui_ngc: https://www.instagram.com/jiejierui_ngc/ (2 of 3)jiejierui_ngcVeravera_zhangg: https://www.instagram.com/veravera_zhangg/ (3 of 3)veravera_zhanggElle_owo_elle : https://www.instagram.com/elle_owo_elle/ (50% this also Yomi otherwise it Yomi friend)elle_owo_elleQiqi_shenglim : https://www.instagram.com/qiqi_shenglim/ (50% this also Yomi otherwise it Yomi friend)qiqi_shenglimMyemye_owo_ : https://www.instagram.com/myemye_owo_/ (50% this also Yomi otherwise it Yomi friend)myemye_owo_Her Friends are connected somehow but not sure how yet. They appear everywhere with the fake accounts or it just her also. Riyandiwilliam : https://www.instagram.com/riyandiwilliam/ (Either her lover, friend, or work with her) 🙁Summary: January to March 2024Jpndate.com / Datesteady.com / Cudate.com / Sayhiup.com are dangerous Romance scams. All the women are paid actors for the website from Korea/China. They will try to get into a relationship with you very fast, don’t fall for it. They are milking you for money like if you're a cow. They will threaten to kill you or your family if you call out their scam. They might also say they will sue you. If you stop paying them, they will text you very little. They will never video call you face-to-face. Jpndate.com has a sister scam website from the same people called sayhiup.com. When you buy something on Jpndate the payment goes to Cudate Limited, so that site must be part of the scam also.There also Datesteady with the same layout. There is a company in China doing all type of illegal and immoral practices. Their name is Zhengzhou Zhongzhiqi Technology Co., Ltd. / 郑州市中之祺科技有限公司 . They have their main technology business but they also run a list of many scam websites stealing money from American men, Asian, and European men. Such as Cudate, JPNDate, DateSteady.com, SayhiUp. These are romance scam sites where all the women work for the company. If you make a female account it will pend forever. Only men get approved. They claimed before to be an American-owned company then I exposed them now they claim to be Dutch. Their servers are all in China. They never filed paperwork with any foreign country. They are none of these the Chinese pretending to run many dating sites when in fact it’s all fake. They claim to be in nations their not. They have fake terms of service. I used PayPal before I didn't know it was a scam. I paid in dollars, but they refused to refund me till I told PayPal. PayPal made them pay me back. Then they refused to pay me the total amount they wanted to pay me on yuan when I paid dollars. I reported them to FTC. They also try to hack my laptop for me telling the government the truth about them. They probably get funds from the Communist Party government or SW Entertainment in South Korea. They are very very bad people. Please look into it or forward this message somewhere where it can be looked into. Pretends to be a legit dating site but feels more like a pay-to-use website for fake love. All women here are paid actors for the site. The same few women have multiple profiles pretending to be different people. The funny part is anytime you call out JPNDate bs they change their terms of service. Screenshot everything people. They have a fake page saying they're trying to stop scammers, it all bs they are the scammers. Host of JPNDate Servers: As the writing of this post: IP: 47.242.112.134 - Server: nginx IPv4 GeoIP: HK - AS45102 (ALIBABA-CN-NET Alibaba US Technology Co., Ltd., CN) Host of DateSteady Servers: As the writing of this post: IP: 47.242.47.54 - Server: nginx IPv4 GeoIP: HK - AS45102 (ALIBABA-CN-NET Alibaba US Technology Co., Ltd., CN) Host of Cudate Servers: As the writing of this post: IP: 47.52.110.73 - Server: nginx IPv4 GeoIP: HK - AS45102 (ALIBABA-CN-NET Alibaba US Technology Co., Ltd., CN) Host of AsiaHug Servers: IP: 47.242.112.134 - Server: nginx IPv4 GeoIP: HK - AS45102 (ALIBABA-CN-NET Alibaba US Technology Co., Ltd., CN) My Story: January to March 2024 My Story: January to March 2024 (Update): I know it is the same person, They told me in a text message by accident. They also replied with different accounts knowing info about me I only told the other account. Do you like Asian women? Real Asian women? These ones are real! I know who they are. Hi! This is Mark Faraday talking to you. This is my story of how a website named JPNDate Dancing Idol scammed me out of 4080 American dollars. From the time period of January to March 2024. First, I was on Japan Cupid, a dating site. On Japan Cupid, no one can chat unless one of you has a membership. I bought a 1-week membership. Within 5 minutes to 10 minutes, a woman nicknamed Yomi from Japan messaged me; this should have been a red flag for me. We talked for a while. She said she was interested in me. She asked me if I could move over to the dating site JPNDate because she paid for membership there and not Japan Cupid. She also promised to delete her account on Japan Cupid after we changed sites. She does delete her account off Japan Cupid. Japan Cupid is sus also. I don’t think it is the same company but it is still very sus. However, these women used that site to find men like me. That is a story for a different day. Unlike a normal scam artist, who may only have 1 or 2 photos, she has several photos on her profile. My trust in her grows a bit seeing that. She then privately messaged me several more photos of her. She asked me for some photos, which I sent. She then sends back happy and heartfelt emojis. She told me she doesn’t date Asian men anymore because they were violent to her in the past and her last boyfriend cheated on her. She talked about how she didn’t want to fight with me. She also said we could talk about any topic. She would compliment me often, as I did for her. Of course, on my profile page, I try to post my best pictures. Throughout my life, I have had many different hairstyles. She even mentioned this and got very happy and asked if I was a hairstylist. The spam of talking on JPNDate.com between us was from January 20th, 2024, to March 24th, 2024. On JPNDate, there is an upgrade system. You need Blue Diamond to chat with others. Crown to send videos. Blue Diamond is 20 dollars per month, and Crown is 80 dollars per month. I got the Blue Diamond membership at first. It showed her with it too. After a day or two, she asked me to upgrade like she did to the Crown membership so she could send me a video. I upgraded it, and she did actually send me a video. All pictures and the video match the same person and the same face. Some pictures were in different locations, and some were like three different pictures in the same place. We then later buy a 6-month Crown membership for each other because it is cheaper than 1 month at a time. I bought it for her, and she bought it for me. At this point, I start to believe. This person was giving me all their time. They reply very often, and their texting time was the same as Japan timezones every single day. They spoke not only English but also Japanese almost fluently. However, they did let me know that they're still learning English and sometimes use a translator. She let me know that this website has something called a mall. This should have been red flag number 2. You pay 1 American dollar for each gold point. Paypal is the only thing that works. When we started dating, she said it was normal for couples in Japan to send each other gifts. It was a symbol of forever love in Japan, she claimed. As an American, I didn’t know if this was true. I googled it and couldn’t get a clear answer. She said whatever I bought her, she would buy me as well. She asked if I liked necklaces or charms. I said anything was fine. She wanted me to pick up a necklace. At first, she picked up a $1,000 necklace from the site mall and asked me. I said no; that's way too much money for that. She said how about a 300-dollar Jade Romance charm. She told me to get her white one; she would get me the green one. I questioned if she was legit. She started crying. She somehow convinced me at the time that she was legit again. I did buy it. A few weeks later, I did receive the overpriced Green Jade Romance love charm to my address from her. I never told her which day exactly my tracking information said it would come to my house, but I asked her, and her tracking date was the same week as mine. By the way something almost the same as this necklace is 12 dollars on Amazon. It also broke when I got it in the mail. Probably cost them 2 cent to make. For the next few days, we had a wonderful, happy conversation. It is late January, and I know Valentine's Day is coming. I offered to get her flowers. I got her flowers and chocolate at a very high price of multiple hundred dollars. She then gets so happy. She told me many times how she wanted to go to America and find me. We talked about many topics for several more days. She told me she worked in an office in Tokyo. Yomi told me her real name was Miyuki Miyamoto. Which is very funny because I told her before I was a Nintendo fan, and this is the same last name as Mario and Zelda Creator. She also said she had her apartment to herself, which is true; she does own an apartment. She talked about how life is stressful right now in Japan. She claimed to have grown up in the Japanese town of Nagano, Japan. She also said she had gone to a university in Tokyo with a major in computer science. She wanted to visit America in July for 15 days when she had her time off. July is a normal time for people to get off in Japan for vacation, so I thought nothing of it. I told her that I was from a smaller town in California, but I lived not far from San Francisco. I told her how my town is quiet and how I could see mountains outside my house. She said she wanted a peaceful life and that life in Tokyo is too fast. And she always had great things to say about every picture I sent. We also talk about going on dates. I asked most of the questions, but she did ask me questions as well. I started to ask her a lot of questions about Japan. Like if she visited Himeji Castle, she said no. However, she did say yes to visiting Mount Fuji. I should have asked for a photo of this, but I didn’t. She was very happy; she told me very many topics about Japan. We even briefly talked about anime. She told me she liked Digimon, Dragon Ball Z, One Piece, and Detective Conan. This information is important later. We also talked about how both of us were big Disney fans growing up. She told me she wanted to go to Disney Land when she came to California to visit me. One day she told me, how work was busy today. I told her it was okay and we didn’t need to talk today. She did, however, still text me a little bit that day. This was the only day during our whole time talking when she was super busy. There is nothing wrong with this; all humans get busy. I decided to spend my evening drawing a picture of me and Yomi on a date to surprise her. When I sent it to her, she did not react. This was a red flag for me. I tried to convince myself that she just didn’t like drawings that much. I know I sound really dumb right here, but whoever I was talking to is very smart and knows a lot of things. I was in deep love. We started talking a few days later about the idea of meeting and going on dates together. I know that the yen is weak against the American dollar right now. I told them I would pay for anything they wanted when they were in America because I was in love. This was a big, big, big mistake. They then asked if I could give them 1500 dollars to buy a plane ticket. Never give money to people you never meet in real life, folks. Don’t be dumb like me. Turns out the ticket was actually 2100, so they asked for another 500 dollars the next day, claiming their friend let them borrow the money, and they paid the difference. They did show me a picture of a plane ticket. With the name Yomi and the correct airports in Tokyo and San Francisco. This gave me more trust in them; I got a lot of photos, videos, and even a picture of a plane ticket. At some point, I talked to them about social media. They claim to only have Skype and Line. I found it very hard to believe a woman in her 20s wasn’t on Instagram or Tik Tok. I went on Instagram and typed Yomi, and I found a Yomi who looked just like her. This made me think: why did she lie? What confused me is that all the pictures on her Instagram were different from the ones she sent me, other than one image that was the same. Meaning that the images were not clearly stolen from there. I looked up JPNDate online; there isn’t much info on this website (Right Now), other than one reddit forum from 1 year ago. Someone said something about being scammed by an IDOL on this site. They also said the website wasn’t in Japan but in China. I was wondering why I never saw new females joining the website; it was the same 23 pages worth of them. I wanted to test the website to see if it was legit. I made another account, a fake male account with AI artwork. It was approved in one second. I then made a fake female account; it said pending approval. It has now been 2 weeks since I made that account, and it still says pending approval. This means all the women on this website have to be fake actors. There is also a setting on JPNDate to see who has been online last or which accounts are the oldest. When I asked weeks before, Yomi claimed she had been on this website only for a short time. Her oldest picture was dated October 20, 2023. Yet she has the sixth-oldest account on JPNDate, according to the website. The Reddit forum I talked about before was over a year old. When I was on this website for a month, at least 10 other women tried to text me. There was this one profile of a woman from Taiwan, age 20. She texted me three times in one month. When I joined, her age was listed as 20, and at some point, she changed her age to 25 on her profile. I ignored all these women. This proves again that all these women are fake. I do know these are women based on how they type, but they are not truthful like they act like they are. As I write this, I just realized this is Yomi's friend or sister; it matches the other Yomi account's sister tag. They are part of the same dance agency Aiu_Agency on Instagram from SW Entertainment in South Korea. I knew this website wasn’t telling the truth. I found the JPNDate IP address and tracked it to a server in Hong Kong, China, hosted by Alibaba cloud servers. Reddit was right; the website is Chinese. However, Yomi is Korean which I learned later. I took pictures of the website code just in case. I asked Yomi if she knew Alibaba. Then she asked if I’m going to China—a very strange follow-up question. At this point, I was confused. Who is Yomi? I couldn’t find anything about Miyuki Miyamoto, only Yomi. On Yomi’s Instagram, she speaks Korean, not Japanese. I started to think there are no Japanese women on this website like they claim to be. She does speak Japanese, though. I started using more than 10 different software programs to track who Yomi was since she kept asking me for money. I found like 1000 pictures of an idol, WeChat model, singer, dancer, person on endless Chinese dating sites, and a valiant professional gamer part of the AI’U agency for over 8 years. I found two other Instagram accounts with Yomi's face. Another account in Chinese with an idol name other than Yomi also had a Facebook page. The Chinese account has a post about her going to Australia in early 2024, where she is typing in English words. It was a fake trip. I also found an account where she speaks only Korean on Instagram. I also found a tik-tok where someone dances and looks 100% the same as Yomi, to whom I’m talking. The part that is crazy is that none of the images are 100% the same, but the person is the same in all of them. This shocked me; I follow all the accounts. I saw the stories daily to see who this person was. Her Yomi account is just her normal pictures and atm company or something. Her Korean account is about traveling to Singapore, Spain, and South Korea. She also posts a lot about Disney toys here. When I talked to the scammer about Disney, I had no idea about this. At this point, I knew that many men had been scammed out of money for fake love, not just me. These women are real women. However, there are actors pretending to be in love. They will crush your heart and call you names after a few weeks if you don’t buy their stuff. It has to be from JPNdate Mall only, nowhere else. JPNdate Mall prices are crazy high. I am not sure if the point of the website is just for money or if it is actually for women to study English or what. Chinese women, pretending to be Japanese (most of them), that have connections to Korean music, dancing, and gaming on professional teams. Man, what a hell of a story this is. This sounds like a Hollywood movie, but it's real, or at least partly. At this point, everything I say seems to be true based on what I know. They are connected deeply with SW Entertainment. Yomi told me early on that she had one older sister and one younger brother. It seems like she is actually a twin, and she is the younger sister. Or it’s her friend she calls a sister from the dance Aiu Agency. Yomi claims to be 25, but I think she is closer to 27 or 28 based on finding a listing of her work in 2015 at Twitch Gaming. You have to be 18 or older to work at Twitch gaming, unless your parents sign things. Unless this job is fake, I don’t know. When I showed the pictures I found to Yomi on JPNdate, she played the victim card on me. Saying she thinks I’m a liar and she wants to break up. Then she gave me her Skype account to try to prove it was legit, and all the other images and accounts were stolen and fake. Her Skype name is Rose, with a One Piece picture. She sent me many voice clips, crying, trying to convince me that she was real. I put them in software, and the voice was 30% human, 70% AI. Clearly, a woman is changing her Chinese or Korean voice to sound Japanese. A PC gamer would know how to do this; they do it all the time to troll. Yomi told me she didn’t play video games anymore, but I found a picture that wasn’t that old of a woman who looked the same as her; she had a Nintendo Switch with a white OLED in it. Btw it’s a known fact that Yomi uses software to cheat in the Pc FPS games. We talk for a few more weeks on Skype. I can’t let Yomi, her sister, whoever the man is (I think her lover), and her idol dance friends scam men for their time and money. Yomi Chiense's name is Vera Yuanxin (维拉). Her twin sister goes by veravera_zhangg. Yomi “deleted her profile” when I exposed her. But One Yomi is still there with no pictures. Two they clearly have other accounts with people who look like she just changed hairstyle, talking and trying to scam other men. Remember when I said the anime part was important? On Yomi's Korean account, she has a friend with whom she talks about Digimon. She gave him a Disney toy. She told me she wanted to cosplay a fox; his profile is a fox. There is just so much proof that these are the same people. Later someone hit me up on Reddit from the Phillippines and told me how the same person Yomi scammed them. How for months Yomi promise them so many things. Then when they said it came to going on the plane to visit him they said they were sick or dying or something. Yomi also made a fake Instagram pretending to be Joe Biden and sent me a friend invite. I messaged and it was so funny how bad it was on their part. I said “Yomi are you trolling me?” then they deleted their account. This was on April 6th, 2024. Yomi tries so hard but use a lot of cheap things that are clearly fake like ai artwork, bots for like at ai_u agency, and fake profiles where she comments herself and attacks anyone who calls her out fairly. After exposing Jpndate they Ip ban my address lol. Then on social media joke about attacking me. If you call out their BS they threaten your family and yourself. Just stay away from all these sites if you're going to date online use well-known legit sites. I contacted Paypal and me and JPNDate.com had many emails back and forth. They pretended to do an investigation on Yomi real identity and said she was really Miyuki Miyamoto. It was so bullshit. I told them I would sue them if they were lying, The site no longer exists. The scam does, however. What happened After JPNDATE? April-June 2024 In April many fake Instagram accounts started following me each day. They are romance scams I never got them like this before. I didn’t fall for any of them. All or most were likely Yomi and her friends. Paypal did get me 4000 of 4080 dollars back but it took 6 weeks and multiple emails. JPNDate tells me they will be closing soon after PayPal went after them hard. Like I said I just wanted to find love. I made some stupid decisions along the way. However, I want to find out the truth and make sure other men don’t get scammed by them. I keep messaging Yomi's skype during this period, they never block me. They unfriended me but I could still send messages I wasn’t blocked. They even responded 2 times out of the 50 times I did this in the multiple-week span. I contacted the Aiu_Agency on Instagram (It is the same people as JPNDate) they pretended to be different people. I told them about Jpndate. They called me a hero, they said they loved me, and they thanked me for sending them all the pictures that Yomi sent me on Jpndate and Skype. They follow me on Instagram for 2 days. Then they unfollowed me randomly for no reason. They said their agency would do a police report and kill the scammer. I knew this was so bullshit. I told them how the scammers were making new profiles of them on Japan Cupid. Which is true. The leader Mingmei1344 (Which is Yomi Chinese account) claimed I was the scammer setting them up. She plays the victim card on me. I showed her all the messages and how I got the pictures, I didn’t steal anything. She told me her and her friends are okay if I hacked them, because I’m from the CIA. I am not from the CIA. It was a joke I made a few days before when she pretended to be a mob boss in Korea. I told her I am not a hacker. Right after that she and her friends all ban me other then Mingmei1344 account. Mingmei1344 Message me 1 more day, then block me. However, Mingmei1344 and the Aiu_Agency keep posting things on topics I told them days or weeks before. I checked their old post they never talked about any of this before that. I told these to Yomi on JPNDate and skype not Mingmei1344 again proving it is the same person. They look the same as well. Like the blue feather concept in love mythology, Gundams, Nintendo, Persona, and many many other topics. Yomi claimed to not know anything about videogames before I talked about it with her. I think this is partly a lie. This confuses me so I make fake Instagram accounts to message Mingmei1344 and Aiu_agency. She replies to my messages and Mingmei1344 even does a ask me a question thing on Instagram and replies to all of them. She clearly knows these accounts are from me Mark however she replies anyway. The replies were nice and positive things. Then later she bans them all again. Often Aiu-Agency Women (Yomi and her friends, Mostly Yomi) pretend to go to countries they are not actually in the picture, it’s all greenscreen effects. They also use Ai for Music covers Artwork. For music covers they pretend to sell millions of copies of but there is nowhere to buy such a music cover CD they claim to sell. Their music covers are claimed to be from popular songs kpop songs. I looked, at least not right now such CDs aren’t real. Of course, the songs are real but not their covers. Yomi is most of the women in the pictures but not all. They will post Ai cover artwork, multiple pictures of them using the greenscreen effect, then put a high-quality image of a famous Korean male singer. They never took these pictures of these Korean male singers. They download them and edit them. They pretend to perform with them but it is all fake. Mingmei1344 started always putting her with all the famous Mark’s in Korea. Only her not her staff with Mark’s. I think it’s a reference to me. She didn’t do this before meeting me I looked at her old post. Again Mingmei1344 is Yomi who is Jeong Nahyeon, who pretends to be Miyuki Miyamoto. She still references me sometimes in other ways and I send them messages to see what will happen next. One time I wrote about loving her to see what she would say. I do love Yomi, however I don’t want anyone to get scammed. I told her we could travel across the world together. She wrote in her next post on Aiu_agency on Instagram she liked this future with her future husband. It was a direct reply to what I asked the day before. I joined DateSteady after being contacted by a woman on Japan cupid. She is very interested in me and Yomi so I tell her everything. |
2024.06.09 15:01 ibid-11962 Worldbuilding and Touring [Post Murtagh Christopher Paolini Q&A Wrap Up #10]
As discussed in the first post, this is my ongoing compilation of the remaining questions Christopher has answered online between August 1st 2023 and April 30th 2024 which I've not already covered in other compilations.
As always, questions are sorted by topic, and each Q&A is annotated with a bracketed source number. Links to every source used and to the other parts of this compilation will be provided in a comment below.
The previous post focused specifically on inspirations and other media. This installment will focus on Worldbuilding and Touring, how Christopher constructs his worlds, and how he goes about promoting them on tours. The topics aren't actually linked, but they both fill up around half a post and so are being joined here. The next and final post will focus on miscellaneous questions about the real world.
submitted by ibid-11962 to Eragon [link] [comments]
As always, questions are sorted by topic, and each Q&A is annotated with a bracketed source number. Links to every source used and to the other parts of this compilation will be provided in a comment below.
The previous post focused specifically on inspirations and other media. This installment will focus on Worldbuilding and Touring, how Christopher constructs his worlds, and how he goes about promoting them on tours. The topics aren't actually linked, but they both fill up around half a post and so are being joined here. The next and final post will focus on miscellaneous questions about the real world.
Worldbuilding
Creating Magic SystemsDid you have a research process when you were writing the Inheritance Cycle? I put a fair bit of thought into the story itself of the Inheritance Cycle, and then some general stuff as to the society and just kind of where things were in the world before writing it. I put a medium amount of thought into the magic system before I started writing, and then as I wrote the implications of it became much more apparent to me, and I really sort of dove deep into it. In retrospect, were I to create a fantasy world from scratch now, I would really put a lot of attention into that magic system and the society beforehand, just to have a good feel for that before I even start chapter one. I would put more restrictions on the magic too. I think the more restrictions, the more interesting, even the more realistic in some ways. [3]Creating Religions
If I were designing a magic system from scratch nowadays I would put way more restrictions on it because I find that the limitations are useful, I don't want the characters getting overpowered, but also just from a storytelling standpoint, incantations, rituals, spells, prayers, potions, all of those mechanical things are just kind of interesting and of course they give lots of opportunities for things to go wrong if you don't follow the correct steps. So I think if I were designing magic from scratch right now I'd put a lot of restrictions and rituals associated with it. So costs, more costs. [25]
What kind of hacks do you have to developing a magic system? Once I have a general idea of the setting, whether science fiction or fantasy, the first question I ask myself is how does it diverge from physics as we know it? Because that is a fundamental question that's going to determine what is possible in this world. It might determine what's possible with warfare, with politics, with industry, manufacturing, travel times, it could affect everything depending on what type of divergence you have. In the World of Eragon, the divergence is that living creatures have the ability to directly manipulate energy using their minds. The reason for that is kind of handwavy, although I have an explanation for it, but that is the divergence and then I tried to be as consistent and physically possible with it at every step of the way past that. When people play games you always get people who are looking how to exploit it. "What's the most I can get out of this game? What's the most I can do?" That's basic human nature. Science is a speedrunning nature I think. So the same sort of thing. You assume that if magic existed there's going to be someone sitting in their basement who's absolutely obsessive about it and is going to figure out every single advantage that that divergence gives them. And you have to be realistic and work that into your world and say "Well people aren't stupid. They are going to figure this out and use it in this way, and what are the implications, socially, physically, and everything else?" Once I have that then you can think about society and culture and everything else, but that basic physical difference from our reality is just to me fundamentally important to understand before I even begin to write. [25]
With standalones you're not dealing with continuity or what rule did you break or things like that. That's interesting, because I would say that writing a sequel for me is faster than writing a standalone. At least for me, the more I know the characters and the world, the faster, like I don't have to do the groundwork of creating a magic system, creating a society, creating the gods and the history. All that's done for me, so I can just slip into it like slipping on an old glove. [33]
A socio-political religion in your world helps drive characters or stories or die-hard fanatic characters forward. How do you go about developing those? Have the courage to let your characters actually believe the things that they are supposed to believe. If you look back historically people really did truly believe these different religions and different systems. Too often I think with modern stories we have people only giving lip service to the supposed belief and instead having very modern attitudes toward it which perhaps doesn't always work. That's understandable if you want a character to be relatable to a modern reader, but there are so many examples of interesting belief systems throughout the world. To me that's something fascinating to write about. But the main thing is just accept that when people truly believe something they're genuine about it and then you can follow that from a logical and storytelling standpoint. What I'd also say is, if you're writing about something that is very different from your own belief system, assuming it's not like completely evil, to try to approach it with a sense of charity. With the understanding that everyone is searching for meaning and understanding. I've always had a soft spot for the old television show Babylon 5, because although I don't believe that the creator J. Michael Straczynski is religious, he writes all of his characters with great sympathy and understanding, he's never cynical about it, and he's not putting up straw man arguments or criticizing any of the characters. He's like "They're searching for meaning. They're struggling with the great questions as we all do, and each one is trying to solve those questions in their own way." And I always really appreciated that he wasn't being cynical about it or really shallow. [25]Creating Languages
Did you think of the ancient language, not just as a mechanic, but also as a parable of our own language? I was thinking about how language itself feels like magic to me. You can write a story, you can convey information. Language in many ways is our greatest tool and makes us human along with, I would argue, our hands, our ability to manipulate objects and use actual tools. But one without the other wouldn't really work and wouldn't allow us to be a technological species. We could have language with no ability to handle tools, and then we wouldn't be what we are now. But I find language fascinating and I find the function of language incredibly interesting. And there is this idea in the real world going back to the beginning of time, that to name something is to understand it, and gives you a certain amount of power over it, whether that's a person or a physical object. And the ancient language is just taking that idea seriously. And I'm not the first author or tradition to do that, but is it a parallel? Is it a metaphor? I don't know if I'd go that far, but it definitely ties into the use of language and my ideas about it. What's crazy to me is there is a theoretical arrangement of words right now that would give us a massive breakthrough in science and physics. There's a theoretical arrangement of words that were I to write it or anyone else would influence how people think about the next presidential election to such a degree that it might actually changed the election. These are all theoretically possible and you can think of many many other things that you could do with language. We just lack the knowledge of what those arrangement of words are, and so we're constantly clawing our way toward new knowledge and new uses of language. [19]Creating Maps
The languages that you were playing around with in The Inheritance cycle, they were Germanic, Anglo Saxon based? The ancient language, the magical language, is based very strongly on Old Norse, which of course is Germanic or related to Old High German. The Dwarven language was invented pretty much from scratch although it is an agglutinative language like German is. And then the other languages have not appeared very much in the series. They're just little scraps here and there. To be clear, I am not a linguist, and I have not devoted the time and energy to developing these in a formal or rigorous way, the way that Tolkien did. Tolken was a linguist and that was his forte. I got far enough down that path while working on the Inheritance Cycle that I really began to appreciate how every word has a history and that history is inexorably tied to the history of the land. It's often said that Tolkien created Middle-earth just to explain his languages, as a setting for the languages. Which isn't entirely true, but there is truth to that. That's what I was encountering and I was realizing that I could spend 20 years, 10 years, just working on the languages and building this out. It might have been a worthwhile venture, but the tradeoff would have been no more books published during that time. I want to tell a story. [28]
What I would do these days, or what I did with other languages, is come up with a couple of words that sort of had a general feel that I liked and then extrapolating from those invented words, figuring out what consonants and vowels and clusters thereof that I wanted. Come up with some more sample words based off that and then start working out some grammar. Grammar is probably my weakest spot since at the time I wasn't really aware of non-English grammar systems and I've put some more attention in that since then. [34]
The language and culture that you describe in the books seem very real. How do you start inventing a language? You shamelessly steal from Germanic mythology and Scandinavian mythology, just like Tolkien did. But I'm no linguist, I did my best, I have a copy of the Nibelungen up on my shelf along with the Eddas, and I based one of my languages on Old Norse, which gave it a nice sound and feel. So the main thing is picking things that make sense for your world and then trying to be internally consistent. [2]
At what point in your writing process do you start creating the map? I've created the maps at different times in different books. At first I thought I didn't need a map because I thought that a good book should be perfectly understandable without a map. You shouldn't need to rely on anything outside of the text in order to enjoy it. And I still think that's generally true, but a map can add a lot. So for Eragon, I did it partway through the book. If I were to do a stand-alone fantasy novel, I would definitely want to work out the maps and stuff before writing it. [12]Creating Dragons
The map for Eragon, the original black and white map, I did about halfway or a third of the way into Eragon. My idea was, and I still kind of believe this, that a well-written book shouldn't need a map in order to understand the story. You should be able to keep your bearings just based off the text. What I ran into though was that I was getting lost in the world myself with the amount of places and things after a certain point. And so I drew a map. [34]
For me I think if you're creating something in the real world obviously that gives you certain constraints and certain advantages but if you're starting with something from scratch, I find creating a map right up front is really helpful because your story is not going to visit every square inch on your map so by filling in those other details on the map you're going to get more story ideas and also ideas for potential conflicts, travel distances. It all feeds into the realism of the story as well as potentially future stories. It's fun stuff. The downside is you could spend your whole life worldbuilding. There's a there's a book from World War Two called Islandia, and the guy just spent his whole life creating this island and its culture to the point of working out the actual layers of geography of stone in the island. I've never actually read the book, I don't know if it's any good, but I know it was fairly popular when it came out. [25]
What hacks do you have for for creating geography and points of interest within your world? When I was creating the map for Alagaësia I actually used a old National Geographic Atlas and traced over various coastlines and then distorted them and pasted on top of each other in order to get sort of a natural feeling coastline. Please don't compare the island of Vroengard to the outline of Greece. Please don't do that. And then you have Robin Hobb who just turned Alaska upside down for her map which I always love because I've lived in Alaska twice. I think she told me that she never actually expected the book to get published, but then she got stuck with that because everything was tied to the geography that she started with. [25]
I think that a good map ought to have lots of points of interest, and the tricky bit is, without getting so detailed that it becomes cluttered. You see that sometimes with real world maps, like atlases and stuff, where there's a ton of place names, city names, river names, road names. All of which are useful and necessary, but it can actually visually get in the way of the art, perhaps the artistic effect that you would want a fantasy map to have in a book or a movie or even a game. [12]
There are world generators that you can just click through. It's really easy nowadays with technology to build worlds just by snapping your fingers. Even with those tools, if you have the time and inclination, I think there is some benefit to redrawing or painting the maps in your own style. I don't know about you, I love seeing when the maps are from the author themselves. I remember Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn by Tad Williams. Tad did all the maps himself, and I love that. Even if it's imperfect or a little amateurish it just gives it a really nice feel. I love Tolkien's original art for the same reason. [25]
You are the creator of your own world. Do you feel that you have follow certain canons of fantasy worlds, for example, dragons have four legs and wyverns have two? Or do you feel that you can practically do whatever you want because it's fantasy and you create everything? Yes and no. No because I have already established rules and traditions and precedence in The World of Eragon, so I have to be consistent with that. But if I were writing a new fantasy, I would not feel beholden to any tradition. If I wanted to write a world where the dragons have three legs or feathers or something like that then I would feel free to do that. That's the great thing about speculative fiction is it gives you the freedom to write and create whatever you want to. The thing is when you have a genre where anything is possible it actually reveals the limitations of your imagination. And there are very few authors, myself included, who really make full use of that. But at the same time, limitations can make your fiction more interesting. I think it's important to pick some limitations and that will help actually improve the quality of your work. [7]
Why did you decide to have your dragons have a saddle? I was around horses growing up. And the thought of actually physically being on a creature with very hard scales was rather terrifying if thought about in a practical sense. And so it just seemed to me that there had to be some protection. [33]
When you're writing fantasy and you include dragons, especially a dragon rider fantasy, depending on how many there are there, it's actually quite a difficult thing to not solve all your problems with dragons. I think the solution to that is you focus on the problems that dragons present, which balances out the advantages. And of course people are smart, whether we're talking about humans or elves or dwarves or any other invented species. If dragons were real, you'd come up with counters to them, whether it's a bunch of giant ballistae on your walls, or building domed fortresses, or building underground. You would come up with solutions and it would negate those advantages. And that's always my issue with writing fiction with dragons in the real world. If it's a slightly more modern, then you have to ask, well, why isn't everything different in history? Like if dragons were a constant part of our world, architecture would be different, warfare would be different, politics would be different. Well, no, politics would be the same. What am I saying? [30]
I'm sure all of us have seen the fantasy paintings of like a knight in armor with a lance on a horse facing off against a dragon. Now, to be fair, a lance moving at a decent speed at a horse galloping will have enough kinetic energy behind it to punch through just about anything. It could do a lot of damage. But any decent sized dragon would move so fast and be so strong, you wouldn't have a chance with a lance. You'd need a giant crossbow. That'd be your only choice. The size of a dragon, intelligence of a dragon. Until you get to projectile weapons, you have no chance. [30]
We all know what any creature gets when they bond with a dragon. They get a dragon. But why would a dragon create that bond? Why would they do it? Is it the bond, is it their nature? I think for me, having other species bond with the dragons was essentially a way to keep the dragons from getting wiped out. Because dragons are such a huge threat. If you imagine in the real world, we don't suffer giant predators to be constantly predating and disrupting our world. We remove that threat. Especially if there's magic involved, the ability to remove that threat gets even bigger. So in a way I viewed the bond between rider and dragon as essentially self preservation for the dragons, if not the other species as well. Without some sort of symbiotic relationship, coexistence becomes very, very difficult. That, or the dragons have to be smart enough to just essentially remove themselves from the world and live off in the far off places. But that gets really difficult when you start considering how much they need to eat. I remember reading the Live Ship Trader series and I remember the end of that spoiler alert where it's become clear that true dragons have returned now. And it really was kind of an oh crap moment because you start thinking about what that actually means for there to be dragons in the world again. It's kind of like Reign of Fire. [30]
Promoting The Books
Touring HazardsHow did you do on your book tour? It was a lot. It was a lot. I did 50 days of touring last year between Fractal Noise and Murtagh. Obviously the majority of that was for Murtagh. And of course I had a couple other trips in there as well. I went to New York Comic Con. I had one or two personal trips. So there was a lot of travel last year. My goal is to not have as much travel this year. In general, the book tours were awesome, great crowds for the Fractalverse, enormous crowds for World of Eragon/Murtagh. I don't normally talk about this stuff, but since we're past it, it doesn't matter. I started touring for Murtagh November 6th and then got home for good on December 16th. But there's always a risk of getting sick while you're traveling. And I did pretty well in the US leg of things. And then over in Europe between the jet lag and not sleeping- I had a really amazing dinner, one of my publishers took me out to a three star Michelin restaurant. The problem was the dinner started at 8pm and didn't finish till midnight. And there were two or three desserts, and the last dessert was full of coffee, and I didn't realize it. Absolutely full of coffee. And I did not get to sleep until like four in the morning. And I only had three hours of sleep that night. So I think I got sick the day after as a result. I got so sick on the European tour that at one of my stops I had to call paramedics to my hotel room at 2 a.m. because I couldn't breathe. Ended up with bronchitis for the first time in my life. But I'll have you know, I did every event. I didn't miss a single event. I managed to do all my presentations and made it through in one piece. I've never, never backed down from doing an event, even while bleeding. Can you tell us a little bit about the time that you were bleeding in an event? Well, I was in Europe. I was touring for Inheritance, I'd already toured North America, and then I started in Europe, went to UK, and then I went to Australia and New Zealand. But first country was Germany, and I think I did Munich and Cologne, and then I ended in Berlin. And in Berlin, they had me in this wonderful theater that's like over 100 years old, which is very rare in the city, considering all the bombing during the war. And I'm backstage, which meant down in the basement of this theater. And there's like 500 people out waiting for me to make an appearance and there's someone introducing me and they say my name and everyone starts clapping. And of course you want to get on stage before the applause dies down. And the way you got onto stage in this theater was through a set of stairs. And it really wasn't even steps. It was almost like a ladder and it was wood. And the steps were so old that they were basically hollowed out from all the people that have gone up and down it over the years. So I'm scrambling up this and about halfway up, my right foot slipped off the edge of one of the steps because it was hollowed out and full speed, full strength, full weight, I slammed my shin into the edge of one of the steps, stumbled forward two more steps and did it a second time. But momentum, adrenaline, I keep going, I get up on stage, I waved to everyone. And fortunately for me, because I was speaking to a foreign audience, they had me sitting at a table with a translator and a presenter. So I got to sit down and the table kind of hit everything from view. And I start the presentation, start the event. And after about, I don't know, five minutes, I'm thinking to myself, okay, I've banged my shin before. We've all banged our shins before, but this really bleepin' hurt. So I looked under the table and the whole front of my jean leg on my shin is soaked with blood. There is blood dripping onto the floor and my sock is soaked with blood. So I poked my translator, the presenter next to me that I was doing a couple of events with, and I said, "Hey, look at this". And he glances under and his face just goes white. And I'm colorblind and I saw his face go white. And he said, "Do we need to call an ambulance?" And I'm like, "No, no, we're going to do this." So I did an hour-long presentation. And then I got up and managed to quickly limp over to a signing table. And no one really noticed that I wasn't feeling so hot. And I got behind the signing table, and I signed books for 400 or 500 people. And the funny thing is, I was traveling with this foreign rights agent publicist for Random House named Jocelyn, who was just an absolute beast of a woman. I love her to death. You have to understand, she did a European book tour with me while eight months pregnant. The woman was and is just very impressive. But she grew up on a farm. German family in the US, grew up on a farm. So I showed her my leg when I was sitting down to sign and she just looked at me and she said, "You need to go to the hospital?" I said, "Nope". She said, "I knew you were country. Good man." Slapped me on the back. So I finished signing and then I went back to the hotel and I had to get into a tub of water to soak my jeans off because the blood had dried and glued them to my shin. And the problem was I had a dent all the way down to the bone. And I really should have gone to a hospital because, sorry for the gory details, but what happens is when you get a dent like that, you lose the fat under the skin between the skin and the bone and it doesn't come back unless you get an injection to help it puff out and heal. And I didn't do that because I was on tour, there was no time. So the next day I had to fly to pretty sure it was Barcelona for the St. George Book Festival, which is a walking festival. So you have to walk from bookstore to bookstore in the city and do signings. But that was a bit rough. That actually took over a year to heal properly. I still have that dent. Stuff happens. I've heard some crazy stories with other authors. I'd rather it's my blood, not the fan's blood. [32]Touring Difficulties
We've got blood and sweat, any tears from tour? On occasion. The biggest one is just being away from home. And if anything is a bit off for whatever reason, you can't just pop home and hold someone or do this or do that. It's just difficult to be that far away from home for so long. [32]Meeting Fans around the World
If you're not familiar with book tours, the way it often works is that you fly to a city, you get to your hotel room, you have a little bit of time to freshen up, maybe get some food and then you go to the bookstore and you do your event. And it has to be after people get off from work, so it tends to be a later evening event. If you have a large number of people show up, that means that that time spent talking and signing pushes fairly late in the evening. You go back, you get dinner, and if you're a semi-introvert like so many authors tend to be, you need some time to decompress, which means you probably stay up a little too late reading or writing. And then in the morning, you got to go get another airplane flight and go to the new city. All of which is fine, but going to the airport, doing those flights, with the time it takes to go through an airport these days, it means that the schedule has very little time in it. When I toured for Fractal Noise, the publisher one of the days had me fly from Tampa to Portland and I still had to do an event that day. Which I agreed to. It was my own fault because they had everything on the East Coast and I said, "Well, what about the West Coast? You know, I have readers on the West Coast. They need to get a chance to get a signed book." It was my own fault. But that can get rough when you're doing it for weeks on end at a certain point. You just can't recover. A day off? What's that? But it's a good problem to have. That people want to see you and want to read your books. It's an awesome career to have. [1]
I'm also a big fan of coffee naps. So I will drink a cup of coffee, usually my second cup of coffee, and then I'll go take a nap, and I will nap for about 30 minutes, because after 30 minutes the coffee wakes me up. And I find that 15 to 30 minutes is the perfect length of a nap for me, and if I go past that, I need to sleep for about three hours, because otherwise I get into the middle of a REM cycle, and if I wake up in the middle of a REM cycle, I'm just like groggy and drugged, and I feel worse than if I hadn't napped at all. And then of course, if you're on book tour, the way I have been for a while, you gain the ability to just close your eyes at any point and take a 10 minute nap 15 minute nap anywhere, and it at least helps you stay upright. [19]
You just got back from the U.S. leg of your book tour — who’s making up the crowd? The readership is broad and probably older than it was back in the day. There are still a lot of 8-year-olds, but now there are grandparents, too. I’ve even met some kids who’ve been named after the characters, which is pretty amazing. Because people have been reading the series for so long, I tend to get a mix of incredibly detailed, hyper-focused, deep-dive questions about some of the lore, but also some more general ones about Eragon’s name. [16]Appearance
I'm sure you hear personal stories all the time especially at your readings and your your appearances. It must be lovely, and I guess overwhelming to connect with your fans. That's a good way of putting it: lovely and overwhelming. Everyone has their own personal history with these books. I have people showing up who named their children after the characters, or who've gotten tattoos. Oh my goodness, what's the one you get? Multiple Saphiras, Aryas, Rorans, a couple of Eragons. As a writer, you want people to read your stories, enjoy them, be affected by them. If they're affected so strongly they name their children after your characters, you feel pretty good about it. [28]
Are your European fans different from your American fans? I actually haven't met any children here who are named after characters from my books. That seems to be an American phenomenon. The language barrier sometimes makes it a little more difficult to talk to European fans. But the love for Eragon is just as strong in Europe as it is in the US. This is not your first time on tour in Europe. Is there something you're missing here? I actually noticed that hotels in Europe usually don't have ironing boards or irons. This is standard equipment in America. [24]
My great-grandmother was from Sicily and then my grandfather was from Bologna. I just found out recently that my grandfather as a child was tutored by Fellini's wife. [7]
My grandfather was the stereotype of an elderly Italian gentleman. He had a mustache, he cooked spaghetti and he made the most amazing red sauce for the spaghetti. He used too much profanity. He was quite the character. [35]
Amsterdam is a beautiful city, but if I had grown up here I would probably still have written fantasy, but it would probably have influenced the type of fantasy I write. [23]
I was just in Stockholm on book tour for my latest book. And I've sold a really large number of books, proportionally in Sweden, and I'd never been there before. And I was kind of curious what their thoughts and feelings were on it, given the fact that I have shamelessly pillaged, Anglo-Saxon Scandinavian mythology for my own work. And they said native Swedish authors don't write using their own mythology, they go into the more literary veins and they import and translate other authors who are writing about Scandinavian mythology and they enjoy it immensely, but it doesn't seem to be a homegrown thing for them, which is rather odd, I think. [30]
Old Norse is not so far from German, do you speak a little bit of German? I understand a fair bit. When I've done presentations in Germany, I've had children ask me questions in German, and I can sometimes understand the entire question without translation, but I only speak a few words. [Host 2]: Let's try it. Can you ask the next question in German? Of course. Oh dear. [speaking quickly] Herr Paolini, wie viel von ihrer Vision für die ganze Serie hat sich mit der Zeit verändert? Hat es sich überhaupt verändert? Denn wenn man sich die frühen Werke anguckt, erkennt man, dass sehr viele Sachen aus den frühen Werken in den späteren wieder auftauchen. So dass es eigentlich unmöglich sein kann, dass sie das nicht von Anfang an komplett geplant haben? Translation please. That was not fair. But funny. Yeah, I was just asking, when you started writing the book, and it became not just one book, it became a whole world, it became a series, and I don't want to spoil anything, but if you read the first books and you read the later books, stuff comes up again, and it seems like you actually knew where it was going when you started writing, which is again insane because you were 15. Is that something you just got lucky, or did you really plan for a whole series when you started writing the first one? I planned because I tried writing some stories before Eragon, and I never got past the first five or ten pages because I didn't have a story. I would only have an inciting incident, like a young man finds a dragon egg in the forest. Well, fun, awesome, but that's not a story. So Eragon and the series as it was, was a writing exercise for myself to see if I could outline, plot, and then write at least the first book of a series. So yes, if you read the first book, Eragon, there's actually a scene, a dream sequence in the first book. And it is the very last scene of the last book. And I did that specifically so that I could point to it and say to my readers, "See, I knew what I was doing." But of course, it isn't the last book now. [2]
Before he finished signing them all he asked if I read Fractal Noise, I said yes. He then asked how I liked it. I said I liked To Sleep far more. And to be fair I did. But I could've been a little more less brunt about it. All in all I'm sorry Paolini. I hope you see this. Dude -- No need to apologize! I was the one who put you on the spot. I was just curious about Fractal Noise as it's pretty different from what I normally write. That said, I'm a big boy, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest if someone prefers one book over another. [R]
Have you been on TikTok? How do you find it? I have an account that my assistants post content on for me because I don't have the time and I don't want it on my phone, but it has been a really useful way to connect with readers, and I had a lot of people who came up during my book tour end of last year, who said that they found out about the events I was doing from the posts on TikTok. [33]
Outside of the tour, did you do anything to personally celebrate the release of Murtagh? No. Not to sound blase, but this isn't my first book I've released. Going on the tour is the celebration. Getting to meet the fans. It's an enormous expenditure of energy, time, effort, and it's very joyous and touching and meaningful for me. And I think for a lot of the readers. So that's the celebration. My team and I, we all kind of take a moment to pat ourselves on the back every time a book comes out and then it's back to the grind a bit. Also, I got to celebrate my 40th birthday while on book tour, and I got to celebrate it with my editor, my publicist, my former publicist who's been with me since the beginning. So that was really nice. [32]
Being an author is like the best kind of semi-celebrity, because nine times out of ten, no one knows who you are, you can live a nice quiet life, and then you get to go out and meet people who like your work. And that's a real treat. I grew the beard partly to keep people from recognizing me. But then I've had it for so long that it doesn't work anymore. And I got tired of shaving. But the problem is the beard takes so much time and effort to take care of it, it doesn't save me any time. [1]Signing Books
Did your hat end up getting fixed post-tour? Yup. Fixed it myself with a rivet. [T]
Any advice on how to wear a pirate's hat without it being weird? It's very simple. There's one ingredient. You wear it with confidence. That's all. [36]
People people don't maybe don't realize what an endurance race it is, especially when when books are this big and successful. Like the amount. I once did 9,280 books in an afternoon and a half at a warehouse. I had nine people helping. I stood. I find that if I stand, I don't use my wrist. I can isolate the arm. And I just had someone shove it under me, someone pull it out for me, and everyone else was boxing, unboxing and flapping. But it hurt. It really hurt. I dropped my first name this past year. For the first time in a 20 year career, I finally dropped my first name. Did you feel defeated? Yes. But I have kids now and I just could not afford the time and the strain on my body. I actually got two typewriters. I got really bad inflammation in my right thumb from all the signing and I find that typewriters alleviated that. Also heavier like mechanical keyboards seem to help. So I know like Robin Hobb has suffered some severe problems with her hands with the amount of typing she's done over the years. So yeah, it is an occupational hazard. [33]
I have to say, signing 30,000 sheets is SIGNIFICANTLY harder than mining or placing 30k blocks in #Minecraft. Lol. [T]
Do you have a PO Box or something? I’d pay shipping both ways to have you sign my books. P.O. box is listed on paolini.net. Just include return shipping, please. :D Alternatively, you can arrange signed copies through Conley's Books & Music in Livingston, MT. [R]
If I send a book to a P.O. Box and pay for shipping there and back, would you sign it? Yup. Address is on paolini.net [T]
2024.06.09 14:41 tantalor Tough spots for inexperienced gamers
I was watching my friend play this game, and noticed a few places where she got stuck and it seemed like the game is hostile to people who don't play a lot of video games. I know its about exploration and trying different solutions, but these things are so easy to miss, and block your progress. I feel like if the player weren't given hints from somebody else, they would never figure it out.
Sorry if these are spoilers. Maybe skip this post if you haven't beat the game.
.
.
.
.
What the flames are for
Finding the flames is easy, they are marked on your map. She found all of them and then had no idea what to do with them. Yes I know the statues are RIGHT THERE and there are several on-screen prompts begging you to put the flames in the statues. If you played other games you immediately recognize this pattern, and easily connect the statue to the area where each flame is found.
But consider what a non-experienced player would see. The first time you see these statues, they are not interactive. There is no prompt, unlike the circular recesses which are obvious receptacles. The game teaches the player that the statues are decorations to be ignored, not game elements. This is reinforced by the placement of the statues in the hub area, so you pass by them repeatedly. This sends the message that they are not important.
In this game, every room has some secret or purpose, some very obscure. This one might be the most obscure. As is, it feels more like just a room you just walk through for atmosphere.
I think this could be improved by moving the statues to a separate room slightly off the main path. This sends the message that there's something here (why else would that room be there) and you have to come back later to solve it. Also you should have a prompt like "insert flame" from the very beginning, before you have any flames. This tells the player "hey go find those flames!"
What the flute is for
In the main part of the game (excluding after credits stuff) the flute does a few things,
The problem is that you almost never need use songs for anything. It's only the bobcat puzzle. Compared to other tools which are used in dozens of places to solve many puzzles, it's almost as if the flute was an afterthought to insert an optional puzzle for post-credits gameplay. But in the normal gameplay the player sees the bobcats, and sees a few places to use the wheel without knowing about it. This is not post-credits content. But it's locked behind solving the bobcat puzzle.
I think this could be improved very easily by adding a simple puzzle that locks something OBVIOUS by playing a SIMPLE song. There needs to be a puzzle that teaches this mechanic. It's okay to hold the hand of the player sometimes.
Consider what happens when you get the bubble wand. You are in a pit with no way to jump out. You have to use the bubble to get out. This is a teaching puzzle and it works.
Whereas flute is like "here you have this flute have fun it does nothing" and the player is left to find these obscure puzzles that teach you songs:
Thanks for reading my rant.
submitted by tantalor to animalWell [link] [comments]
Sorry if these are spoilers. Maybe skip this post if you haven't beat the game.
.
.
.
.
What the flames are for
Finding the flames is easy, they are marked on your map. She found all of them and then had no idea what to do with them. Yes I know the statues are RIGHT THERE and there are several on-screen prompts begging you to put the flames in the statues. If you played other games you immediately recognize this pattern, and easily connect the statue to the area where each flame is found.
But consider what a non-experienced player would see. The first time you see these statues, they are not interactive. There is no prompt, unlike the circular recesses which are obvious receptacles. The game teaches the player that the statues are decorations to be ignored, not game elements. This is reinforced by the placement of the statues in the hub area, so you pass by them repeatedly. This sends the message that they are not important.
In this game, every room has some secret or purpose, some very obscure. This one might be the most obscure. As is, it feels more like just a room you just walk through for atmosphere.
I think this could be improved by moving the statues to a separate room slightly off the main path. This sends the message that there's something here (why else would that room be there) and you have to come back later to solve it. Also you should have a prompt like "insert flame" from the very beginning, before you have any flames. This tells the player "hey go find those flames!"
What the flute is for
In the main part of the game (excluding after credits stuff) the flute does a few things,
- Activate the warp heads
- Interact with some animals
- Play songs: return to the fast travel room & free the bobcats
The problem is that you almost never need use songs for anything. It's only the bobcat puzzle. Compared to other tools which are used in dozens of places to solve many puzzles, it's almost as if the flute was an afterthought to insert an optional puzzle for post-credits gameplay. But in the normal gameplay the player sees the bobcats, and sees a few places to use the wheel without knowing about it. This is not post-credits content. But it's locked behind solving the bobcat puzzle.
I think this could be improved very easily by adding a simple puzzle that locks something OBVIOUS by playing a SIMPLE song. There needs to be a puzzle that teaches this mechanic. It's okay to hold the hand of the player sometimes.
Consider what happens when you get the bubble wand. You are in a pit with no way to jump out. You have to use the bubble to get out. This is a teaching puzzle and it works.
Whereas flute is like "here you have this flute have fun it does nothing" and the player is left to find these obscure puzzles that teach you songs:
- The frog - Easy puzzle and easy to find, but its not clear this has anything to do with the flute, and totally optional so it's easy to skip. Also the song is kind of long for your "first song" to learn.
- The bobcats - The notes for the song are hard to find (some of them are completely dark) and when you play them in the same room as the notes, they do nothing. So it's unclear what this has to do with the flute.
Thanks for reading my rant.
2024.06.09 14:08 Feeling_Original_746 Help with headphones - need good noise cancellation (ENC vs ANC?), prefer wired, over ear
Hi - I'm looking for new headphones. They need to include very good noise cancellation, good sound with no skipping as I've seen in wireless ones I've tried, so prefer wired. I like over ear instead of ear buds which aren't comfortable for me if I wear very long. I will use primarily with my PC/Windows to play games and do voice chat. I may use them occasionally for calls with my phone if it supports both types of connections. If not, I can get one set for my phone and one for PC.
I have to have the noise cancellation for the headphones, not just the mic - I have high sensitivity to environmental noise. I just don't want to have to suffer with the skipping I get when I use wireless headphones.
Have already tried several, including the latest this past week the Bose QualityComfort Ultras. These have good noise cancellation and sound is good when it's not skipping, which it does a lot, and is unusable if I try to play a game and use voice chat at the same time. The noise cancellation technology is ANC though, and I really feel the ear pressure from it in the two modes that block the noise effectively. I have read about a different technology available in wired noise cancelling headsets called ENC. Is that better for use with games, voice chats, etc. on PC?
I'd appreciate any recommendations. Thanks!
Edit to add the required information from a template I found:
submitted by Feeling_Original_746 to HeadphoneAdvice [link] [comments]
I have to have the noise cancellation for the headphones, not just the mic - I have high sensitivity to environmental noise. I just don't want to have to suffer with the skipping I get when I use wireless headphones.
Have already tried several, including the latest this past week the Bose QualityComfort Ultras. These have good noise cancellation and sound is good when it's not skipping, which it does a lot, and is unusable if I try to play a game and use voice chat at the same time. The noise cancellation technology is ANC though, and I really feel the ear pressure from it in the two modes that block the noise effectively. I have read about a different technology available in wired noise cancelling headsets called ENC. Is that better for use with games, voice chats, etc. on PC?
I'd appreciate any recommendations. Thanks!
Edit to add the required information from a template I found:
- Budget - $400 +/- willing to spend more for better quality sound and noise cancellation
- Source - PC/Windows
- Requirements for Isolation - I need a lot of isolation - dogs barking, wife yelling at dogs and kids etc. Have to block this out to help with my extreme noise sensitivity issues. I will be using these at home exclusively
- Will you be using these Headphones in Public? No
- Preferred Type of Headphone - full sized over ear for maximum noise reduction and comfort. In ear models are uncomfortable for me.
- Preferred tonal balance - balanced is ok - willing to compromise on tonal balance if I have to.
- Past headphones - Bose QC Ultra most recently (this past week). Good noise cancellation, good sounds when not skipping. Have lots of issues with sound skipping, especially if try to play a game and do voice chat at the same time when they are unusable. Also the noise cancellation is ANC, and I really feel the pressure on my ears and it's sometimes painful when I take them off.
- Preferred Music - popular / alternative
- What would you like to improve on from your set-up - better environmental sound isolation, better sound quality, no skipping, prefer wired to avoid the skipping from wireless ones.
2024.06.09 13:27 iamkingsleyf 19 Most Eco-friendly Cities in the World
Pollution and carbon emissions aren't pleasant for anyone, so here's a list of eco-friendly cities prioritizing nature and sustainable living.
Pollution and carbon emissions aren't friendly for anyone. So here's a list of cities that prioritize nature and sustainable living. No city is perfect, and many still have a long way to go before they can be considered truly sustainable.
However, these cities benefit both the people's quality of life and the conservation and protection of our planet and environment.
The sustainability of our planet is in jeopardy now more than ever before. This is due to the rising population and technological advancements that change how we live our lives.
Furthermore, It's becoming unpleasant, from the production of dangerous pollutants to the extradentary levels of waste.
Also, Governments and municipal governments worldwide feel the heat from their population—particularly Generation Z, who are well-known for campaigning for environmental reform.
And pressing countries to seek new methods to become more sustainable and address this global issue.
We've compiled a list of cities leading the way toward moving toward sustainable living and making the world a greener place. The world's greenest cities are listed below.
Furthermore, more of their roadways are being designed expressly for bicycling, and also, electric bikes are being supplied at a reasonable cost.
Again, another fascinating thing about Copenhagen is that two-thirds of its hotels are eco-certified, signifying that they adhere to the highest levels of sustainability in terms of energy, food, and design.
They also have vending machines that use recycled stuff and receive a deposit at many of their restaurants, and they sell cuisine made with organic ingredients in many of them.
By 2025, This beautiful Copenhagen city aspires to be carbon neutral. With all of these extraordinary achievements, it's difficult not to believe that this is one of the most eco-friendly cities globally.
Finally, almost 70% of their hotels are certified as sustainable. They have bikes all across the city, just like Copenhagen, giving them away. Zurich is undoubtedly a green city from which all other cities can learn.
Bicycling ensures a healthy population and dramatically cuts carbon emissions and pollution.
Furthermore, It is also known as the most environmentally friendly city in the United Kingdom. Bristol has good air quality, and the number of bikers on the road has increased.
The large city aims to phase out the use of fossil fuels by 2040 and is doing it by enacting new rules that promote a greener society – with European Union assistance to help it grow smarter.
Furthermore, bio-fuel, made from sewage waste and used to power automobiles throughout the city, is gaining popularity.
Stockholm is one of the eco-friendly cities. They are capable of repurposing any waste heat from its 30,000-seat stadium. Recovering heat might help warm over 1,000 flats more efficiently using sustainable ways.
Also, Berlin has more parks than any other European city, and it integrates green spaces nicely into the urban landscape.
Following World War I, inhabitants became far more self-sufficient and appreciated their green spaces than they had previously, learning to cultivate their food, a trend that has been handed down down the years.
Furthermore, with the advent of electric vehicles, Berlin has erected over 400 charging stations throughout the city, encouraging residents to consider switching vehicle types.
Moreover, locals do not perceive the necessity to own automobiles and instead choose to share to save the environment.
London is among the eco-friendly cities in the world. The IESE Cities in Motion Index 2020 classified the city as the most environmentally friendly globally. By 2050, London aspires to have zero greenhouse gas emissions.
They're putting money into hybrid diesel-electric buses. They expect that by 2037, all 9,200 of their buses will be emission-free.
Furthermore, the city has an estimated 250 miles of bike trails, demonstrating how easy and safe it is to move around. Cycling is the primary mode of transportation for 8% of the city's population.
Furthermore, Portland generates 2,434,840 tonnes of garbage and recovers 1,235,924 tonnes, which is incredible for a major metropolis. In addition to the preceding, the city employs 33% renewable energy.
In addition, the city was the first in the United States to outlaw the use of plastic. Furthermore, another impressive green statistic in San Francisco is that 13.8 out of every 10,000 residences uses solar energy, more than double the national average.
Also, San Francisco is one of the best locations to visit without a car. You may walk all around this environmentally friendly metropolis.
In addition, more residents in New York City are driving low-emission vehicles, and businesses in the city are taking more environmentally friendly steps. In New York, urban gardening has grown very popular.
Furthermore, small gardens are planted on balconies, terraces, and rooftops.
More measures to promote sustainable transportation and assist create a more sustainable city are being implemented by the city.
The capital, located on a peninsula in the Gulf of Finland, combines metropolitan areas and tranquil reservoirs.
Furthermore, tourism is one of the most important contributions to Helsinki's economy, which has increased environmentally friendly lodging.
Indeed, approximately 75% of hotel rooms in the city have been certified as eco-friendly, and those that haven't fully committed to the cause have some environmental plan in place that covers all aspects of the business, from food and water to waste management and energy consumption.
Tokyo likewise intends to use renewable energy sources to power 30% of the town. They also continue to lead the globe in having one of the lowest-emission public transportation systems.
Reykjavik intends to eliminate greenhouse gas emissions by 2040 by boosting walking and cycling, and public transportation usage.
Furthermore, the promotion of public transportation is motivated by the city's desire to continue introducing hydrogen buses, which are now used by barely 4% of the population. The city has set a target of trebling this by 2030 to ensure that this happens.
The city aspires to be one of the world's most environmentally friendly cities in the future. Singapore being one
However, they are currently regarded as Asia's greenest city. It is one of the best-known towns in the world for its abundance of trees.
Used water that has been cleansed and treated accounts for over 40% of Singapore's water supply. With so much innovation, this city will undoubtedly become a sustainability leader for many years to come.
submitted by iamkingsleyf to u/iamkingsleyf [link] [comments]
Pollution and carbon emissions aren't friendly for anyone. So here's a list of cities that prioritize nature and sustainable living. No city is perfect, and many still have a long way to go before they can be considered truly sustainable.
However, these cities benefit both the people's quality of life and the conservation and protection of our planet and environment.
The sustainability of our planet is in jeopardy now more than ever before. This is due to the rising population and technological advancements that change how we live our lives.
Furthermore, It's becoming unpleasant, from the production of dangerous pollutants to the extradentary levels of waste.
Also, Governments and municipal governments worldwide feel the heat from their population—particularly Generation Z, who are well-known for campaigning for environmental reform.
And pressing countries to seek new methods to become more sustainable and address this global issue.
We've compiled a list of cities leading the way toward moving toward sustainable living and making the world a greener place. The world's greenest cities are listed below.
1. Copenhagen, Denmark
Copenhagen has been labeled the world's greenest city for various reasons. To start with, all of their buses are transitioning from diesel to electric power.Furthermore, more of their roadways are being designed expressly for bicycling, and also, electric bikes are being supplied at a reasonable cost.
Again, another fascinating thing about Copenhagen is that two-thirds of its hotels are eco-certified, signifying that they adhere to the highest levels of sustainability in terms of energy, food, and design.
They also have vending machines that use recycled stuff and receive a deposit at many of their restaurants, and they sell cuisine made with organic ingredients in many of them.
By 2025, This beautiful Copenhagen city aspires to be carbon neutral. With all of these extraordinary achievements, it's difficult not to believe that this is one of the most eco-friendly cities globally.
2. Zurich, Switzerland
Here are some statistics demonstrating why Zurich is near the top of our world's most eco-friendly cities. It is interesting that renewable energy sources now account for more than 80% of their electricity. Also, over 40% of the garbage in the city is recycled.Finally, almost 70% of their hotels are certified as sustainable. They have bikes all across the city, just like Copenhagen, giving them away. Zurich is undoubtedly a green city from which all other cities can learn.
3. Amsterdam, Nertherland
Amsterdam is innovative and environmentally conscious in areas other than its well-known "coffee cafes." It's known for having more bikes than people (bikes are piled on top of each other in the streets!), and it's also known as the world's most bicycle-friendly capital city.Bicycling ensures a healthy population and dramatically cuts carbon emissions and pollution.
4. Bristol, UK
Bristol was the first British city designated as the European Green Capital. It's an honor bestowed upon a community for its efforts in addressing urban environmental concerns.Furthermore, It is also known as the most environmentally friendly city in the United Kingdom. Bristol has good air quality, and the number of bikers on the road has increased.
5. Stockholm, Sweden
This site has done its fair share of modifications to assist its residents to live a more sustainable lifestyle, with 14 islands and more than 50 bridges.The large city aims to phase out the use of fossil fuels by 2040 and is doing it by enacting new rules that promote a greener society – with European Union assistance to help it grow smarter.
Furthermore, bio-fuel, made from sewage waste and used to power automobiles throughout the city, is gaining popularity.
Stockholm is one of the eco-friendly cities. They are capable of repurposing any waste heat from its 30,000-seat stadium. Recovering heat might help warm over 1,000 flats more efficiently using sustainable ways.
6. Berlin, Germany
Berlin is a mad, wild city, but it's also known for its unconventional approach to environmental preservation.Also, Berlin has more parks than any other European city, and it integrates green spaces nicely into the urban landscape.
Following World War I, inhabitants became far more self-sufficient and appreciated their green spaces than they had previously, learning to cultivate their food, a trend that has been handed down down the years.
Furthermore, with the advent of electric vehicles, Berlin has erected over 400 charging stations throughout the city, encouraging residents to consider switching vehicle types.
Moreover, locals do not perceive the necessity to own automobiles and instead choose to share to save the environment.
7. London, Uk
One of the significant factors contributing to London's eco-friendliness is the city's approximately 3,000 green spaces and parks, which account for 40% of the city's total area.London is among the eco-friendly cities in the world. The IESE Cities in Motion Index 2020 classified the city as the most environmentally friendly globally. By 2050, London aspires to have zero greenhouse gas emissions.
They're putting money into hybrid diesel-electric buses. They expect that by 2037, all 9,200 of their buses will be emission-free.
8. Portland, Oregon
Believe it or not, 25% of city workers commute by bike, carpool, or public transportation, which has significant environmental benefits. As a result, the number of dangerous automobiles has decreased.Furthermore, the city has an estimated 250 miles of bike trails, demonstrating how easy and safe it is to move around. Cycling is the primary mode of transportation for 8% of the city's population.
Furthermore, Portland generates 2,434,840 tonnes of garbage and recovers 1,235,924 tonnes, which is incredible for a major metropolis. In addition to the preceding, the city employs 33% renewable energy.
9. San Francisco, California
San Francisco's green movement has been reshaping the city in recent years. Also, San Francisco is one of the eco-friendly cities, recycles about 77 percent of its garbage.In addition, the city was the first in the United States to outlaw the use of plastic. Furthermore, another impressive green statistic in San Francisco is that 13.8 out of every 10,000 residences uses solar energy, more than double the national average.
Also, San Francisco is one of the best locations to visit without a car. You may walk all around this environmentally friendly metropolis.
10. New York City, New York
As shocking as it may seem, New York City has also been named one of the world's most environmentally friendly cities. Heating and water conservation are becoming more critical in their housing buildings.In addition, more residents in New York City are driving low-emission vehicles, and businesses in the city are taking more environmentally friendly steps. In New York, urban gardening has grown very popular.
Furthermore, small gardens are planted on balconies, terraces, and rooftops.
11. Capetown, South Africa
By making substantial environmental strides, such as using energy from South Africa's first commercial wind farm, altering the city to provide bike lanes, and supporting farmer's markets, Cape Town is leading the way for the entire continent of Africa.12. Paris, France
Paris is known for being one of the eco-friendly cities, named after an international treaty on climate change. In the ten years between 2004 and 2014, the city's greenhouse gas emissions decreased by 9.2 percent.More measures to promote sustainable transportation and assist create a more sustainable city are being implemented by the city.
13. Helsinki, Finland
If you want to visit a place or city that values the environment's friendliness and the planet's long-term environmental viability, then Helsinki is a place to go.The capital, located on a peninsula in the Gulf of Finland, combines metropolitan areas and tranquil reservoirs.
Furthermore, tourism is one of the most important contributions to Helsinki's economy, which has increased environmentally friendly lodging.
Indeed, approximately 75% of hotel rooms in the city have been certified as eco-friendly, and those that haven't fully committed to the cause have some environmental plan in place that covers all aspects of the business, from food and water to waste management and energy consumption.
14. Tokyo, Japan
With the Olympics set to take place in Tokyo this summer, the city has announced that all of the energy required to power the Games would come from sustainable sources. By 2030, the city hopes that half of all new automobiles sold will be zero-emission vehicles.Tokyo likewise intends to use renewable energy sources to power 30% of the town. They also continue to lead the globe in having one of the lowest-emission public transportation systems.
15. Vancouver, Canada
People flock to Vancouver because of its proximity to the mountains and wildlife, so it's no surprise that it's one of the world's most environmentally conscious cities. Vancouver is a top performer in CO2 emissions and air quality, and it is home to Greenpeace.16. Reykjavik, Iceland
The city, believe it or not, has a population of only 126,100 people, which is one of the primary characteristics that enables easy and adaptable improvements to make it a greener area.Reykjavik intends to eliminate greenhouse gas emissions by 2040 by boosting walking and cycling, and public transportation usage.
Furthermore, the promotion of public transportation is motivated by the city's desire to continue introducing hydrogen buses, which are now used by barely 4% of the population. The city has set a target of trebling this by 2030 to ensure that this happens.
17. Singapore, Singapore
Singapore has been named Asia's most environmentally friendly city due to its sustainability efforts. By 2030, Singapore plans to have at least 80 percent of its buildings be green.The city aspires to be one of the world's most environmentally friendly cities in the future. Singapore being one
However, they are currently regarded as Asia's greenest city. It is one of the best-known towns in the world for its abundance of trees.
Used water that has been cleansed and treated accounts for over 40% of Singapore's water supply. With so much innovation, this city will undoubtedly become a sustainability leader for many years to come.
18. Montevideo, Uruguay
Montevideo's long-term aim is to save its natural ecosystems and rural areas. Over 85% of Uruguay's electricity is generated from renewable energy sources.19. Grenoble, France
Grenoble has been named the European Green Capital for the year 2022. Between 2005 and 2016, the city's greenhouse gas emissions were reduced by 25%. By 2030, they aspire to have reduced carbon emissions by half.2024.06.09 13:20 guiltyofnothing “You are what is wrong with society. Again, it is advisable that you the seek the psychiatric help that you require.” /r/bingingwithbabish boils over a new paywall and a creator’s apology
The Context:
Andrew Rea is a cook, YouTuber, and author better known as Babish, famous for his cooking series Binging with Babish.Recently, it was announced that Babish will be introducing a paywall for some new content. In addition, old websites with previously-free content were shuttered.
Babish has also come under fire for his sponsorships, with particular criticism over his promotion of the video game Hogwarts Legacy, considering the recent controversial statements from the series’ author JK Rowling.
Our drama starts as Babish himself takes to the sub to issue an apology for the rollout of the changes, attempting to justify and lay out the reasoning behind them.
While many are receptive to his explanation and find it sincere, others are not so ready to accept…
The Drama:
One user defends the criticism:TL;DR: you're getting a lot of criticsm for your shitty business decisions, so you're playing the mental health card to turn down the heat.[Continued:]
Look, I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch, and I'm sorry you've gone through the things you have. But forgive me if I find it hard to shed a tear for you.
You can't expect a huge outpouring of sympathy for your mental health, and then turn around and push Betterhelp and a crypto gambling game. Those are both products that prey on your audience's mental well-being. So we're supposed to care about your mental health but you don't give a fuck about ours? Explain that one to me. As for the paywall, I don't care that much, but it's shitty that you didn't tell people it was going up beforehand.
I’m not emotionally equipped to be a public figure.Should have thought of that before making your face the logo of your company.
Do you enjoy being an awful person?
His struggles are fairly well documented, personally, well before any of this happened
Just take 12 seconds and consider maybe this was an oversight?
It’s not like he’s fucking Brad Pitt with a team of 87 managers and PR folks. I’m sure he’s got a manager, but do you really think he’s got the same pull as an a-list actor to catch every small failure?
He’s a fucking YouTuber - a great one, in my opinion, but a YouTuber nonetheless. Humans make mistakes when they don’t have 36 people checking every ounce of their work.
Give him a little grace and maybe give everyone in your life a little. It’s not all a conspiracy, sometimes people just fuck up.
Do you enjoy not reading my comment? Yes, his mental health struggles are well documented. That's why I acknowledged them.Oh fuck off you miserable nerd, if you don’t like how he makes money, you don’t have to participate or consume the content.
I'm not talking about the paywall. I'm talking about how he wants everyone to care about his mental health, but has said absolutely nothing in regards to the shitty predatory sponsors. And I'm not talking about his shitty "sorry you feel that way" post on YouTube and taking the video down. He can't just say "sorry, mental health" while ignoring the harm he's helped cause by not being selective about who he takes money from.
If you’re going to keep being salty about this despite an apology and a way to access the old websites then I suggest you look inward.
Read my comment again, I'm not angry about the paywall.
Sure.
Read my fucking comment again, asswipe.
Did you change it?[…]
If not, I'll pass on reading your angry rantings again. Theu weren't worth the first read through.
No, I didn't. Because I already said it's not about the paywall, dipshit.
Theu weren't worth the first read through.Still worth it enough for you to respond and be an asshole though, I guess.
Edit: get blocked, douche.
Paywall paywall paywall.
You are obsessed.
I feel so sorry for you content creator dick riders lol
You’re acting like he owes you something. He doesn’t. We live in a different world now where companies are just faceless businesses anymore, and a lot of the things we consume are the product of single people or small teams. As a result, individual proclivities and issues are part of the new normal. If you have an issue with it; unsubscribe.Others stand to defend Babish:
Yeah, he owes ot to us not hawk predatory sponsors and then expect everyone to give him a hug when he has mental health issues. But fuck me, I guess. Maybe I should make a post about how I've been struggling with depression my entire life so this sub can forgive me for daring to not give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek for it.
live in a different world now where companies are just faceless businesses anymoreIt's a real shame he built his company off of his character and used his own face as its logo.
If you have an issue with it; unsubscribe.Believe me, I will. I guess I thought when he finally apologized for his shitty business practices that he'd actually apologize, instead of ignoring the sponsorship stuff all together. I thought he was better than this.
Great job folks. You bullied this nice dude who has given you hundreds of hours of free labor.[Continued:]
If were being real he saw the post on mildly infuriating and made a whole ass response, which is insecure as fuck .
Also this is a post where hes admitting hes at fault and yall are telling him “no” which is funny as shit.
It’s “insecure as fuck” to address widespread criticism openly and honestly?Criticism over shitty business practices (shilling products designed to prey on the mental wellbeing of your audience and introducing paywalls with no notice) isn't the same as bullying.
one guy saying bad things about you shouldn’t make you wanna write out a giant reddit post defending yourself yeah.
Who needs to be liked THAT much?
Not one guy, it was widespread backlash on multiple subreddits and from like all his fans. It would have been ridiculous not to respond
I mean grow up. You have no right to his labor. None at all. Notice? What is this, you're upset about his terms of service? Lol.
Babish isn't gonna fuck you, bro.
"I have no point but I have a funny"
What point could I make that wasn't already addressed in my response to this parasocial weiner?[…]
Babish made some shitty business decisions, people criticized them. That's not bullying. When people complain about McDonald's discontinuing a menue item, you never see people say "stop bullying the CEO :(". So why is it suddenly bullying when criticism is directed at a YouTuber for their shitty business practices? Yes, Andrew is a person. But that doesn't mean he's immune to complaints just because some parasocial crybaby thinks telling a person to do better constitutes "bullying".
Except if you read the comments on some of the posts people absolutely went well beyond criticism of the business decision to personal insults and vitriol that could indeed accurately be described as “bullying”.
Fair enough, but they made a general comment about how this sub bullied him, not just a few shitheels who took it too far.
cool but that wasn't what the person you told to "grow up" was doing, so why don't you stop huffing your own farts for a minute
I didn’t tell anyone anything? What are you talking about?
whoops, thought you were the OP in this thread, not just a random interjection like me. I'm cutting down on caffeine and it is not making me smarter
The knives are out:he isn't doing it for "free" mate, he's running a for-profit business. yes bullying is wrong, but people complain about businesses all the time.
Free labour, minus his YouTube revenue, sponsorship revenue, merch revenue...
There's wanting to encourage civility, but let's not jerk each other off here.
Or let's. I mean. It's a Saturday night and I'm alone. I'm open to talk.
Grow some balls lol
Dude you've been up your own ass for years. When you first started blowing up and dragging your videos out - I nicely suggested you stop adding 5 minutes to the beginning of every video showing us how to make bread. I told you having a separate "Bread with Babish" and telling viewers to reference that would be better. You basically said I was stupider than frog excrement and shouldn't think. Like what? Then a few months later Basics with Babish comes out. Go fuck yourself.Another brings up Babish’s Hogwarts Legacy sponsorship:
Bro has main character syndrome, thinking Babish personally spites him and only him.
In the nicest possible way, touch grass. Maybe even read your comment out loud and you might realise how ridiculous you sound.
You’ve been carrying this grudge for what, eight years? Touch some grass.
"touch grass" is so overused and trite it makes me want to tear off my dick
Can we get an update on promoting the transphobic wizard game, and apparently deleting comments mentioning trans people on the video?[Continued:]
Imagine what a sad life you live if you’re that triggered by a video game. Literally don’t play it. Why do you care if others play it?
Because buying the game is basically saying "This mid wizards game is more important to me than human rights, fuck gay people, fuck trans people, kill em all, i dont give a shit lmao".
Seek help.
You should seek help if you dontate your money to making the lives of others worse intentionally and give 0 fucks about it.
You are what is wrong with society. Again, it is advisable that you the seek the psychiatric help that you require. (By the way, it’s a great game).[…]
Glad to know im whats wrong with society and not the scumbags who gave money to anti trans charities. Just know while you're playing it that trans people are living worse lives because of you.
The lil smart phone that ur using right now that relies on cobalt, which was mined by little kids like those in the DRC without protective gear so your phone could have a battery. Just know while you’re sitting here being a keyboard warrior that thousands, if not millions, of little kids’ lives are getting worse because of you.
a.) Im not on a phone and do not own a phone.
b.) Theres a difference because you NEED a computer of some sort to function well these days. You do not need the wizard game.
c.) Theres a difference between supporting a company like that where they try to hide it and keep it from the public and openly supporting someone who basically just comes out and says "Yo btw if you buy my game ill use the money to kill trans people, thanks"
Imagine being privileged enough for someone enjoying/promoting a Harry Potter game to be what gets ur panties in a twist. I get Rowling is a shit show, but be fucking for real 🤦🏻♀️ I’m sure your phone is a product of child slave labor and I’m sure you buy a lot of shit that promotes even more terrible things. Get off your high horse and stop crying over first world problems.[Continued:]
Im sorry its considered being on a high horse for wishing people didnt support a disgusting fucking transphobic monster thats hurting fuckloads of people. Its not even like other companies where its semi hidden and you have to look for it, she's blatantly and publicly a transphobic scumbag piece of human garbage. If you don't know any better, sure, but when people are buying the game with the specific intent to support transphobia or don't care that they're giving their money to someone who who's publicly transphobic and openly supports bigots and the hurting of people, you're transphobic and probably terrible.
People like you don’t actually help anything. All you do is piss off ordinary people and make them less likely to care about the trans community. You’re just bitter and you feel better about accomplishing nothing when you sling garbage comments at people. Grow up and do something that actually helps the community. Spewing vitriol and calling people transphobic is not helping.
Someone is transphobic Gets called transphobic Surprised Pikachu face
So you want me to stop calling transphobic people transphobic?
Id rather not help at all than actively hurt the community, ruin people's lives, and fund charities that fight to give people less rights. At least I fight for human decency and people's rights and don't donate to this shit.
I’ll rephrase. YOU ARE ACTIVELY HURTING THE COMMUNITY BY MAKING PEOPLE LESS LIKELY TO SUPPORT. Seriously, stop it. You’re not helping, you’re hurting. You’re not the face of the community, you’re just shouting in the comments at people who just want to watch a guys YouTube channel about food.
”He supports JK Rowling.” No he doesn’t. The game is a game. Cry all you want about what she said, the rest of the community has been ignoring her for years.
“She donates against trans acceptance”. Yes, and she would anyway even if the game didn’t get made. She was already rich after the books, it’s a pointless argument based solely on your principles and not on doing any good.
You keep calling people transphobic, but they are not. Buying a video game is not transphobic. You’re delusional and childish. This conversation is over, leave these people alone and spend time figuring your own shit out.
I dont know in what universe giving more money to be donated to anti LGBT stuff is not transphobic. "Yeah i give money to charities that murder children but i dont support child murder". Sounds insane right? Thats what you're saying. That just because you're giving money to support making trans people's lives worse that you're not transphobic. You're being insane. "She'd support it anyways so who cares!" is the most insane argument i have ever read in my life holy shit. xDOne user taps out:
Hopeless and stupid. You may as well go vote for Trump, you’ll fit right in. Honestly at this point I think you’re paid to make the trans community look bad, it makes more sense than whatever other insanity you want to keep blathering. I’m just gonna block you, like every other rational person.
You gave money to the company that made your smart phone and therefor you support child labor since the whole phone, or at least pieces of it, were made from child labor. You’re a disgusting human being….you see how fucking delusional you sound, bro?
I’m glad you addressed it, but I had to leave. Best of luck to your future endeavors and I hope lessons were learned.[Continued:]
And yet, here you are
This isn’t the airport. You don’t have to announce your departure.
what an original comment, you are so smart and funny and original for having made such a thought provoking post. I hope you print this comment out and frame it so that your children will learn to appreciate what an original thinker their parent is. are you the person who invented "touch grass" as well? big fan of your work
lol I can only imagine how sad your life is that this is how you spend your time
if you think it is sad that I am here on reddit, doing reading and commenting, I have some terrible , alarming news for you.
lol yea that’s definitely what I meant 😂One user still has issues, despite the apology:
Any amount of warning that you were planning to paywall the site would have made it a lot more palatable of a change. Doing it without telling people felt shady at best and deceptive at worst.[Continued:]
Yeah, and this is an acknowledgment and an apology. Seems a little cruel to keep dragging him at this point.
I guess it starts with a halfhearted apology. There’s no explanation for why it was sprung without notice.
It’s “yeah whatever guess I should’ve told y’all but here’s some more stuff coming up that you can pay me for”
here's some more stuff coming up that you can pay me forAh, so you're one of those people who feels entitled to infinite free content from creators.
It’s weird to me how many people think YouTube content is free. YOU are the product. Free means no monetary exchanges. Do you think Andrew makes no money from YouTube? Do you think YouTube makes no money from you? His videos are not free.
Wow you are REALLY fucking dumb huh?[…]
No but apparently you are. How does Babish not get paid from YouTube? Is every video he posts “free labor”?
No I just don’t think this should be portrayed as an apology when it’s really just an advertisementA slapfight breaks out:
Maybe he can post again so you can still be mad for some fucking reason
I’m sure you have good connections but if you want some fresh eyes on your script, id be down to give some coverage. Why am I being downvoted so heavily? As an aspiring writer myself, I know how hard it is to get feedback on a project. I’m a fan and offering my time and energy. I don’t get what the problem is. lol wtf is this sub? Comments insulting people getting upvotes in a thread about how negative comments have affected someone is wild work. Fuck me for being interested in Andrew as a writer.[Continued:]
Same vibes as the dude who asked Elon to run Tesla who was a nobody
get outta here man lol
Because you’re a nobody lmao
Holy shit, just read through your comments and god damn are you miserable hahah.
meanwhile you're scouring the profiles of people who upset you, looking for mud to sling
Someone calls me a nobody, I gotta go see what mighty status they got in the world to be shitting on others lol.
He literally thinks babish is gonna choose him or something but instead he attacks me 💀
Looooool you’re gonna play victim??? Aint no fucking way lol. You insult and disrespectfully gatekeep and now you’re the one talking about being attacked hahahahahaha fuck all the way off with that nonsense.
The Flairs:
2024.06.09 13:14 Dizzy-Screen-6618 IS IT COMPLETELY DEAD??? (Ochokochi Deep-Dive)
 | After almost a year since the fateful day that the Ochokochi was released into the Live Server, generating an all time high in anger and rage quitters, one question remains; Is the Ochokochi still any good? The affirmative answer is common knowledge to many, but today we will delve deep into the reason of this answer. submitted by Dizzy-Screen-6618 to walkingwarrobots [link] [comments] Even the greatest hater can't deny the Ochokochi's breathtaking design and unique mechanics Strengths: In order to utilize a Robot to its greatest potential, one must properly understand its strengths.
Understanding your Robot's limitations is arguably more important than understanding its power.
Judge not a Robot on its own, but on what it carries upon itself. Weapons:
Modules: Easily one of the most overlooked parts of robot builds, these should be one of your top priorities. (Keys: NA = Nuclear Amplifier, RA = Repair Amplifier, IA = Immune Amplifier)
These pesky little buggers carry more weight than many give them credit for. Shai: The best drone for long term survival. Play your Robot carefully and gain all 5 stacks to transform into an unkillable monster. This robot gives the Ochokochi the survivability it so dearly misses from its prime days. The built-in Last Stand doesn't hurt either last time I checked. One of the most popular all-around Drones in the game Pascal: This drone is your best option to allow your Ochokochi to do what it loves most; Charging the enemy head-on. The built in heal and temporary Defense Points allow it to stay alive and charge Amplifiers with ease. The downside is its long term bonuses, in which it lacks severely. Don't let this Drone's appearance fool you, it's deadly. Really deadly Hiruko: Yes, the Hiruko. Even after its recent nerf (read this post if you aren't up to date), the Hiruko still works wonders on the Ochokochi. The bonus 240,000 HP after 8 Active Module activations is no joke. This is besides the fact that now only the Ochokochi can be reliably take DoT stacks for bonus damage even after the Hiruko's 3rd ability reaches max stacks (8) due to the Robot's built-in DoT generation from the first phase of its ability. This abomination will strike fear into the hearts of your enemies Armadillo: A decent option, sadly not on the level of the previous listed Drones but works fine. A great drone, sadly outclassed by the more recent releases F2P Options: Unfortunately, Microchips aren't exactly a Free to Play resource, therefore if you do not have any of the previous leveled your options are severely curbed. Reviver is the only drone I'd use at level 1 as a F2P but the Whiteout is the only other one that is better than nothing. Pilots and Pilot Skills: A Robot without a Pilot and Skills is worthless, don't let your Robots decide anything for you. Pilots: Vepkho Lovidze: Vepkho's specialty is converting DoT stacks into Defense Points. Be on the lookout for Robots and weapons that deal damage with many small projectiles to soak up for maximum effect (read "Ability" above). The DoT stacks (and therefore the Defense Points as well) that the primary phase of the Ochokochi ability generates last for 5 seconds. This fearless Tiger-masked warrior fights with honor Seven: She specializes in converting damage into heal for her Robot. She heals 15% of the Ochokochi's HP after the ability ends as well as 10% of the damage it dealt during its ability. This poor girl underwent a horrible botched experiment that left her dangerously unstable Verdict: Although Seven's Durability heal seems enticing, Vepkho Lovidze's Defense Points comes ahead in most cases, although if you have a lower level Ochokochi and no maxed RAs you may want to choose Seven to keep that HP up. Overall Vepkho Lovidze is the better choice for the high flyers and Seven is the better option for lower level players. Pilot Skills: Unfortunately Memorium isn't made to be very Free to Play friendly either, but if you can get your hands on some, these are the skills you should be on the lookout for in descending order of importance:
Sorry for the long read, hope this was informative. Have a great day! (Please upvote and share if you found this helpful, comment below for any corrections or extra advice) |
2024.06.09 12:14 Nat-Chem Rainwave.cc - one of the VGM radio sites listed in the sidebar - is back to regularly adding new music!
It's been a long time since we had a post here, so I figured it'd be okay to put something up. A lot of folks might already be familiar with Rainwave.cc - if you're not, it's an ad-free, no-cost 24/7 VGM radio site with channels that play game soundtracks, chiptune music, arrangements, covers, and the music library from OCRemix. Listeners get to vote on what tracks get played and request songs from the music library to be put into upcoming elections, as well as being able to rate and favourite songs and albums.
Rainwave has been around for a long time, more than 15 years, and I know some folks have tuned out in the past because of a lack of new music. Because each album is manually reviewed for quality and vibe, it can take a while to round up songs for the radio. But I'm quite glad to say that everyone's been hard at work in the mines and we've been making quite a lot of additions to the playlist lately. Some of the stuff that's gone up recently includes:
Come check it out! Tomorrow I'll be adding some new chiptunes including an early Jake Kaufman soundtrack, some Sega arcade tunes, two Mega Man games you've likely never heard, and some other treats. An event will run Monday morning at 11 a.m. Pacific time playing all the new songs in one block, and you can come into the chat and complain about it.
https://rainwave.cc/
submitted by Nat-Chem to gamemusic [link] [comments]
Rainwave has been around for a long time, more than 15 years, and I know some folks have tuned out in the past because of a lack of new music. Because each album is manually reviewed for quality and vibe, it can take a while to round up songs for the radio. But I'm quite glad to say that everyone's been hard at work in the mines and we've been making quite a lot of additions to the playlist lately. Some of the stuff that's gone up recently includes:
- Pokemon Scarlet/Violet
- Vampire Survivors
- Kirby and the Forgotten Land
- The Consouls
- Rhythm Thief & the Emperor's Treasure
- Dragon Quest IX
- Skeleton Boomerang
- Terraria
- The 8-Bit Big Band
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge
- Eijukugo Target 1000 DS
- And more!
Come check it out! Tomorrow I'll be adding some new chiptunes including an early Jake Kaufman soundtrack, some Sega arcade tunes, two Mega Man games you've likely never heard, and some other treats. An event will run Monday morning at 11 a.m. Pacific time playing all the new songs in one block, and you can come into the chat and complain about it.
https://rainwave.cc/
2024.06.09 12:00 AutoModerator Weekly Reminder: Rules and FAQ - June 09, 2024 (Now with updates!)
Below you will find a weekly reminder of our Rules and partial FAQ. It's definitely a long read, but it's worth your time, especially if you are new to the community, or dropping by as a result of a link you found elsewhere. We periodically revise our rules, this weekly notice will help keep you informed of any changes made.
NOTE: These rules are guidelines. Some moderation discretion is to be expected.
submitted by AutoModerator to stepparents [link] [comments]
NOTE: These rules are guidelines. Some moderation discretion is to be expected.
Community Rules
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Advise, don't criticize.- Post with empathy, thoughtfulness, and constructive commentary rather than judgment. Don't be an asshole.
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- We recognize the reddit site-wide rules of using alt names to get around bans and will ban those as well as report them to reddit admins.
FAQ - About the Rules
What does Kindness Matters mean?
- Shortest version? Don't be an asshole. People come here for support and advice, they do not come here to be yelled at or told they are the reason everything is going sideways. There are ways to point out that someone may want to do some reflection on their own actions and reactions without being an asshole about it.
- The purpose of this subreddit is to provide support and a sense of belonging for struggling stepparents. We aren't here to pass judgement, but rather to offer support, empathy, and constructive commentary. That does not include "hard truths" or "tough love." Stepparents get enough of that in every other subreddit, we're not passing it out here. Be respectful.
- Remember, most people aren't going to come to a sub like this when everything is going great and everyone is getting along. People are coming here when they are down, when they are feeling defeated and stretched to the limit. Kicking someone when they are down is shitty behavior and we don't tolerate it.
What about being kind to the kids?
- "Won't somebody think of the children?" Pearl clutching isn't needed here. If you read the Kindness Matters rule closely, you will see that there is a clause in there about name calling children. We don't allow it. We also don't allow people rolling in telling OP that they feel sorry for their stepkids because OP is feeling overwhelmed and overloaded.
- If anyone is advocating slapping, spanking, or any other form of violence, report the comment immediately. We do not advocate violence towards children of any sort. The mod team does not advocate any sort of physical punishment at any time.
- Venting about behaviors is not the same as insulting the kids. However, if you see a post or comment where kids are being name called or dragged to the point of no return, use the report button. We try to catch the posts and remove them before they hit the sub, but we cannot see every comment without your help. Use the report button to bring problematic comments to our attention. Don't engage in a war of words on our subreddit.
Why is this sub such an echo chamber?
- Not allowing contributors to pile on and tell OP that they are a terrible human being who should never be around children does not equate to being an echo chamber. Many contributors here will offer OP suggestions to help them work through their resentments and frustrations, and the most egregious situations are called out. We simply ask that it be called out with respect.
- If you feel that a post is simply too much for you to handle without following the rules, move on to another post.
- If you believe that a post itself is crossing the rules report it. If the mod team has approved the post, it is because the mod team believes that the OP needs help from the community or needs a moment to vent and move on from their vent. That does not give you license to pile on disrespectfully. Unless it is proven that OP is a bot, assume that OP is a human being with real thoughts and feelings and has posted from a place of vulnerability.
Why can't I tell OP that they are an asshole?
- Because this isn't a judgement sub. We aren't AITA, we don't want to be AITA.
- Comments with terms like YTA, NTA, ESH, NAH will be removed.
- Don't start your posts with INFO either. We generally recognize that as a fishing attempt for more information to pass judgement on OP, and again, we are not a judgment sub.
But OP asked if they were an asshole?!
- Their post somehow got past our automoderator. Just use the report button. We will address it with OP.
- If you've asked if you are an asshole, a-hole, a*hole, a**hole, whatever, don't be surprised if your post is removed without warning. This isn't a judgment sub. If you want judgment, you know where to go.
What is a gendered slur?
- While it seems that everyone understands what racist slurs are, people struggle understanding the concept of gendered slurs. Generally speaking, we are talking about derogatory nouns or verbs that are used to negatively describe people or situations based on gendered terms.
- We've gone back and forth on this a few times, and the truth is, we get it, it's your safe space and you want to be able to vent about BM/BD how you want to vent about them, without us telling you how to vent about them. Fair enough. Vent away. What we are going to stick to here how people are referring to other users and to stepchildren.
- Examples that are not allowed:
- "My SD is such a little bitch."
- "She dresses/acts like a slut."
- "My SS acts like a pussy."
- "My SS is such a beta male."
- "You are all fucking whores."
- "Any dude who is raising some sluts kids is a cuck!"
- "Little Lord Fauntleroy over here thinking he runs the house!"
- "You're just the bangnanny, get used to it."
- Don't call users here names, don't call stepchildren names.
- Masking the term with asterisks or other neat little tricks might get you around the bot, but if we see it, we're removing it and quite possibly giving you a time out. The intended word is still there and you deliberately tried to skate the rule.
- As there is not enough space to list every term that is offensive and does not belong, nor every situation in which term or phrase may be allowable in context, this rule is enforced based on moderator discretion.
Seriously? You are the language police now?
- We're here to talk about stepparenting. And we would like for that to happen in a respectful way. Attacking each other doesn't help. Belittling stepchildren draws in trolls who don't understand your frustration, all they see is an evil stepmonster talking shit on the internet about a poor, innocent baby. Yes, even if that "poor, innocent baby" just robbed you blind and set fire to the house on their way out the door. That's just how it goes.
- We are aware that this is a relatively new rule and a lot of older posts and comments contain a lot of problematic language, including some from mods themselves. We are growing and evolving, and rules change as the sub grows and evolves.
What does No Drama really mean?
- Pretty much what it says, do not bring drama from other subs into this sub. Do not engage in vote brigades. Do not try to incite other subscribers to riot in a different sub. Don't follow posters into this sub from other subs to continue to harass them. Do not badger someone or derail threads. Do not harass community members because you don't agree with them. There's enough drama in the daily lives of subscribers, more isn't needed.
What is thread derailment?
- When a comment chain has devolved to the point where all you are doing is arguing back and forth with someone about the same thing over and over again, you have derailed the thread. Also known as bickering. It's what children do. We assume if people are in a stepparent role they are adults. We expect you to act like it.
- If you aren't a stepparent, or in a stepparenting role, consider that perhaps this subreddit isn't for you. If you want to participate, do so with respect. Thread derailment, arguing, bickering, and nitpicking are not allowed.
But what if they didn't answer my question?
- No one has to answer your questions. This is a support sub, not an inquisition. Jumping on a bandwagon with "OP is evading the question" in a 20 comment long chain is the epitome of thread derailment. You'll find more information about trolling below and how this might be considered such.
Why am I being silenced? I'm just asking for a back and forth!
- Thread derailment, badgering, and nitpicking are considered harassment. Continued harassment of either community members or mods will get you banned.
Why can't I look at someone's post history and comment about it?
- No mod in the history of this sub has ever once said post histories are forbidden. What we do frown upon is using someone's post history to attack, belittle, or otherwise harass someone.
- Example Post: "My stepkid's mom really hates me. How can I make this better?"
- Okay: "Based on the timeline and your post history, it looks like this may have started as an affair. Unfortunately there's going to be outstanding issues for a long time due to that. Try focusing on yourself and how you can move forward without worrying about how someone else feels about you."
- Not Okay: "Holy shit! You were the OW! What the hell do you expect, homewrecker?!"
- Example Post: "I am completely overloaded and feeling very down about myself."
- Okay: "In your post history you mentioned that your spouse wasn't really helping around the house. Has that changed at all?"
- Not Okay: "LOL, you already got the answers you need in your post on relationships. You are stupid for sticking with your lazy spouse."
Why can't we crosspost stuff to other subs?
- We can't stop you from doing so. The problem isn't that something has been crossposted, it's when the community that it's been crossposted to feels the need to come over here and harass OP. When we see that happening, we lock the post and start passing out bans. If you did the crossposting, you'll be banned. If you participated in the brigading, you'll be banned.
What if it's my own post?
- Again, we can't stop you from doing so. We prefer that you don't technically crosspost, but rather just copy and paste your post. Why? Because inevitably the above will happen. Redditors from other subs will follow you back to /stepparents and start attacking users here. It just happens.
What is "brigading"?
- Reddit defines vote manipulation and brigading as follows:
- Using multiple accounts, voting services, or any other software to increase or decrease vote scores.
- Asking people to vote up or down certain posts, either on Reddit itself or through social networks, messaging, etc. for personal gain.
- Forming or joining a group that votes together, either on a specific post, a user's posts, posts from a domain, etc.
- We, along with pretty much every other subreddit that has ever had to deal with this nonsense, further define brigading as this: You saw a post on another sub that linked to our sub either via a link in a comment or a crosspost. It was basically saying something along the lines of "OMG, check out these assholes over on /stepparents! They literally hate all their stepkids!" And then you and your friends come over and start hammering on OP and telling OP how much they suck. Congrats, you have just participated in a brigade.
What is this whole Report, Don't Rant thing about?
- If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules, instead of engaging, report it. When you report it, it sends notification to the mod team. We will act on it where appropriate. Engaging with bad faith users may result in your comments being removed. If you repeatedly do so, you may end up being banned.
What if I see an obvious troll?
- Report it.
What if they are being really mean in comments?
- Report it.
What if they are harassing me in private messages?
- Step 1: Report them to admins. You can report harassment to reddit by using this link or send a DM to reddit admins. Include the link to the DM, admins can see your inbox and providing a direct link is helpful for them to weed out bad actors.
- Step 2: Block the person so they cannot directly contact you again.
- Step 3: Send us a mod mail and let the mod team know. Tell us who they are and what they said, send us a screenshot if you can - admins can see your DMs, mods can't. We'll take action where necessary by banning from the sub if they aren't already banned.
What do you mean by No Naming & Shaming?
- Just as we prefer to not be linked to or crossposted from, we do not allow linking to or calling out other subs by name. If you see something you want to share, say it's a hot post that has hit the front page and a stepparent is being absolutely flayed, just refer to it as "that hot post that hit the front page." If you want to complain about other places in general, "other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice. Absolutely under no circumstances should you link to anywhere else.
I can't link to other subs?
- Do not directly link to another sub. (e.g.: "/insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
- Do not name other subs. (e.g.: "I won't link to it directly, but insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
- Do not abbreviate other subs. (e.g.: "I know that ISNH is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
I can't ping other users?
- Do not summon another user with a username ping/tag. (e.g.: "insertusernamehere was being an asshole.")
- If you are agreeing with someone, it is okay to link to them. (e.g.: "I agree with insertusernamehere, you need to take a couple of steps back and reflect on this.")
What does No Platitudes mean?
- Sanctimonious, overused clichés that grossly oversimplify the stepparenting experience are neither wanted nor allowed here. We have all heard it a thousand times before, we don't need to hear it again. It's not nearly as insightful and wise as some would like to think.
Why don't you people understand it's a package deal?
- Any comment that suggests that OP should have known what they were getting involved with, or that they needed to understand that the kids were part of some package they needed to accept before signing up for marriage is subject to immediate removal.
- This is one of the most insensitive things you can say to a stepparent. Most stepparents were aware of the children, but they were probably not aware of all of the family dynamics.
Why can't you just love them like they are your own?
- Demanding that a stranger you do not know love children that are not biologically theirs as if they were theirs can be incredibly damaging to someone who is already in a vulnerable situation. Any comment that falls along these lines will be removed.
What do you mean by No Trolling? I was just...
- No means no. No trolling. No pretending to be a stepparent and then whipping out the Greatest Hits Bingo Card of The Worst Stepparent in the History of Stepparents. We see you. We've seen you a thousand times.
What does "concern trolling", "gish-galloping", and "sealioning" have to do with stepparenting? This isn't a debate sub, why are you using debate terms?
- That's absolutely right, this isn't a debate sub. And yet, here we are, day after day, having to defend ourselves against this sort of thing. So, enough. No more. Usage of any of these things will get you banned.
What is "Concern Trolling?"
- A concern troll is someone who disingenuously visits sites of an opposing ideology to disrupt conversation by offering unwanted advice on how to solve problems which do not really exist.
- Example Post: OP expresses concern that she will feel, and possibly act, differently towards her stepchildren after her husband decides that no, he doesn't want anymore children after all.
- Example Concern Troll pulled from actual mod mail after their comment was removed: "Possible child abuse claims need to be sorted out well before whatever empathy you believe the OP was looking for."
What is a "Devil's Advocate"?
- "I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but have you considered that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break, too?" BM has dozens of different mom based subs alone on reddit she can complain on, this sub is for stepparents. The stepparent doesn't need to consider that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break.
"Gish-galloping?" What does that even mean?
- The Gish Gallop is the fallacious debate tactic of drowning your opponent in a flood of individually-weak arguments in order to prevent rebuttal of the whole argument collection without great effort. The Gish Gallop is a conveyor belt-fed version of the on the spot fallacy, as it's unreasonable for anyone to have a well-composed answer immediately available to every argument present in the Gallop.
And "sealioning?" What's that?
- Sealioning involves jumping into a conversation with endless polite, reasonable questions and demands for answers, usually of entry-level topics far below the actual conversation (e.g. "please prove sexism exists"). This tactic differs little from harassment; instead of discussion, the point is to derail discussion, receive criticism (for their ignorance) so as to look like a victim, or to make someone feel overwhelmed and quit talking.
Who gets to define what is considered asshattery?
- The mod team, of course! If we feel that comments are out of line, are trolling, are leading up to a fight or "just asking questions", we are going to remove them and most likely ban the offender.
FAQ - Sub Questions
Posting Guidelines for Stepparents
- Body text is required, we suggest you use line breaks between paragraphs as a wall of text is difficult to read. Posts that have only a title are likely to be removed. Instead of using names (even fictitious ones), try to use the sub acronyms. It helps our users to follow along if you use the acronyms and not names.
- Assign a post flair that accurately describes what your post is about and what you are seeking. If you are posting an update from a previous post, include a link to that post.
- Flairs are applied to posts to determine what a person is looking for. When submitting a new post, you should choose a flair that specifies if you are looking for advice, support, etc. The following link flair is available and is color coded with side bar links so that you can search by flair:
- Advice - For when you are specifically asking for advice or help.
- Announcement - Mod Use Only, for subreddit announcements.
- Daily (Formerly TTP) - Mod Use Only, for our daily discussion threads.
- Discussion - A little advice, a little "How does your family handle this?"
- JustBMThings - Pretty sure this is self explanatory!
- Legal - Asking for legal advice? Tag it with this!
- Miscellany - Just a sort of off topic thing? Use this tag.
- Resource - Sharing a good resource or asking for one? This is the tag you need!
- Support - For those days when you want nothing but a good old fashioned cry and some community love.
- Update - Updating us on something that you posted about previously? Use this one!
- Vent - We all need to vent sometimes. Respect the tag as a vent. This isn't how OP talks all day every day.
- Win! - Celebrate those wins with us with this tag!
- Megathread - Mod Use Only, for large mega threads (typically around major calendar events.)
Posting Guidelines for Bioparents
- Stepparents is a support community for stepparents, by stepparents. As bioparents, you may want to have more insight into how the stepparent in your life feels or thinks. You may have questions on how to ease the transition for your partner. However, please keep in mind that this community was not created for you. It was created for your partner or your ex's partner. If you are seeking support on how to deal with a stepparent, there are other subs more suited for your situation and your post is subject to removal.
- There are some posts from bioparents we will accept:
- Seeking advice on how to support your partner as they navigate stepparenting
- Seeking resources to help you better support your partner
- Seeking resources for your partner
- There are some posts from bioparents we will not accept:
- Complaints about how the stepparent is too involved in your kids lives
- Vents about how the stepparent is not involved enough in your kids lives
- "Cautionary tales" advising stepparents to back off
- Seeking advice on how to tell the stepparent to back off
- The Do's and Dont's of Stepparenting
- How your kid's stepmom is literally The Worst
- Comments from bioparents that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from bioparents that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. There are several other subs that may meet the needs of bioparents better than we can. We recommend /coparenting, /parenting, /parents, /blendedfamilies, and /singleparents as starting points.
Guidelines for Stepkids
- At this time, we do not generally accept posts from stepkids. Comments from stepkids that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from stepkids that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. If you are a stepkid seeking support, we highly recommend /stepkids. It is a very supportive community specifically for stepkids. We also recommend /blendedfamilies as another potential group for support.
What the heck are all these acronyms? I'm confused!
- Check out the Common Acronyms wiki page. We try to keep this updated as new terms are introduced to the sub.
Why aren't my posts or comments showing up?
- New posters and accounts go through a waiting period before their posts will show in the sub and the comments on posts automatically. During the new account approval period the mod team will check posts to be sure you aren't attempting to circumvent a ban with a shiny new account. Please be patient while the timer runs down on your "new" status and the mod team approves your posts and responses.
Why was my comment removed?
- Comments are removed when they do not follow the rules of the sub. These rules are published in several places for your reading pleasure.
- Comments are removed at moderator discretion. In some cases your comment may be removed while another remains up. If you find this to be the case, and you believe the comment to be violating the rules, instead of arguing with mods or demanding they remove the additional comments, just report it.
This comment/post is really offensive! Why is it still up?
- All moderators are volunteers and have busy real lives. Sometimes things get past us. The best thing you can do is report anything you find offensive or inflammatory. It's the quickest and most reliable way of alerting us to an issue.
I've received a hurtful/unwanted PM from someone about my recent post. What should I do?
- If you receive an unwanted/hurtful PM from a name you don't recognize, please report it to Reddit Admins using our handy pre-populated form. Be sure to include the permalink to the message. We've been dealing with a few unhappy folks who like to attack stepparents, and reporting it to the admins is the only way to make it stop.
What are the general moderator guidelines?
- Users are expected to know the rules before posting. If you are warned or banned for violating the rules, ignorance is not an excuse.
- Moderators will remove posts and comments and/or lock threads in accordance with the rules above. Typically this happens when threads have gone off-topic in a way that is not productive for the OP, or comments overall have become contentious or disrespectful.
- If a poster continues to argue or to willfully violate these rules, temporary and permanent ban procedures will be followed. Any attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban. User bans will not be discussed in the sub. Questions posted about user bans are subject to removal and the poster subject to warning/ban procedures. The mod team will not discuss a specific user ban with anyone other than the user involved.
- New accounts are subject to manual approval until they are no longer deemed "new" by the mod team. This helps to weed out trolls and ban evaders.
- We rely on Automoderator to scan for specific words and phrases that are not welcome here and notify the mod team to review the comment or post. This includes slurs of any type and platitudes such as "Love them as your own!"
- The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
- We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
- The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.
I've been wrongly banned/Why can't I comment here?
- Due to an influx of harassment from users with specific user histories, we have employed a user history ban bot as described above. If you think this has affected you and wish to appeal, please message the mods.
Why was I banned without warning?
- There are numerous reasons that the mod team might opt to move perm banning without warning. Message the moderators if you have specific questions.
2024.06.09 11:24 Inevitable-Call-7915 AITAH for cutting off my mother and her dog that my partner and i are attached to?
im making this post on a throwaway account to avoid any family input or what have you. i want to start off by saying the dog i mention in this post has been close to me and my partner since my mother brought him home about 2 years ago and the reason for this is simply because we have been taking care of and raising him like he was ours since she got him because all she wanted him for was so that she could look cute with him on social media (where she basically lives digitally). about a year after she got him problems had arised in the household mainly because of me, i had just got back to her house after spending 2021 back in my hometown three hours from where we lived after she kicked me out of her house for questioning her on account of a current gf i had at the time (who did start the issue and waited until my mom kicked me out to come clean). it was fine with me i took that on the chin because at the end of the day i was wrong for coming at my mom for assuming she didnt like my partner bc she was white. fast forward a year later about early 2022. and we talk about our bond and she says i can come back and get myself together because she knew i was in a fucked up situation financially where i was staying. i come back to her house in 2022 and she had told me before i even came back that she just wanted me to focus on myself and not worry about her bills. i wasnt eager to go with this decision but it was smart considering i was basically starting from scratch with life in general. got a job not too long after i got back and met my current partner (we'll call her beck). beck is white while me and my family are black and trust me this information is important. beck comes into the picture and we hang out more and she starts coming over some days hanging out in my room and i went to her house twice because her mother kept the place in shitty conditions and basically tried to downplay her own daughter right in front of me both times. i could tell beck had issues with being home and she too was in the process of getting her life together without even saying any of this. so i knew being with me in my room at my moms house was her only escape. mom for random reasons started having issues with beck cleaning the house for her while she was at work or taking care of the dog in a way my mother didnt approve. then it graduated to beck "stealing" money from her but her never having the proof or the funds to back it up to begin with. my mothers partner at the time of like 8 or 9 years who we'll call randy was cool as hell but somehow never managed to avoid fighting with her verbally. this went on the whole time i was there and randy ended up leaving and they broke up. problem was randy left right around the time i started fumbling with my jobs and needing to look around. now i wanna say im no saint, i spent my time searching for jobs AND gaming bc im a gamer. problem was i was taking too long this time around and theres no excuse. she started turning the heat on me and my partner once randy left and i started getting fed up because she was now asking for rent money while belittling me and my partner for being "laid up in her house". again, fair point. so my next step was realizing whether i had a job or not this woman was a firestarter no matter what you had going on. getting up early morning to say little slick comments in the morning because she wanted to get a reaction. by this point me and my partner are looking for a new place to live while we figure things out. my mother catches wind of this and starts asking when we'll take the dog after we get the place. now me knowing that she wont take proper care of him, i agree to take him with us and her response is "well hes not going anywhere until i see the house that yall move to. i wanna see everything to make sure its good for my baby"(the dog). i immediately got pissed and told her its not going down like that and that she needs to start considering how she speaks to people mainly me because im not gonna keep dealng with it. she got offended and kicked me and my partner AND THE DOG out of the room mid convo bc she didnt like what i said. me and my partner go back to my room and close the door to which she comes out saying "disrespectful little motherfucker talking to your mother like that" super loud. i let that one get to me and i mistakenly opened my door and started arguing. out of nowhere she hits me with "n***a fuck you" "you wont have to worry about me or the dog because NOW you AINT seeing him how about that" i said "thats fine hes not a bargaining chip". she went back to her room and slammed the door. didnt speak to me for like a week. my birthday comes around after this long week and she working the day of. i didnt expect her to say shit bc i know my mother and shes that petty. what i didnt expect was for her to hop on social media and wish early happy birthdays to two family members that werent me. ok fine thats cool. she gets home that same day and asks my partner if sai(the dog) has been out. my partner says "no we couldnt take him because his leash and collar are in the room and you locked the door. she had been locking the door ever since she started blaming beck for stealing from her. so once she realized the dog hadnt been out because she locked the door, she tells beck to "ask him if he'll take him out" by this point ive been told im not shit and im not needed and the first thing u say to me on my birthday is "can you take him out" i said no. rage ensued as she slammed the bathroom door on her way out of it. this time she kept walking passed my door talking more shit. more of the usual "i gave you life and you treat me like this" i told her to get away from the door with the nonsense and she started a full argument and said we had to go tomorrow. tomorrow rolls around and we wait for her to go to work so we can leave in peace. she normally got home around 9pm but on this day here she comes strolling in at 2pm right in the middle of packing. paces in front of our door talking shit and this time beck responds saying "we're leaving you need to let us be". this woman then told my partner she was going to beat her ass. i immediately shut that down too because i never seen my mother get tough with anybody. and here she is getting tough with the one person who hates confrontation. after i told her she wasnt even that type of person she replies with i'll stab both of yall in yall sleep. said weird stuff like "thats right i forgot i cant throw pussy on you and call you sexy like her im just the mother you dont have to respect". beck calls me sexy every day. its our little corny but cute word between us. anyway after 30 more minutes of bullshit arguing we leave for becks moms house which fucking sucked until my brother offered me a job in California working with him and my dad. throughout the 5 or 6 months of me being there i was making good money and even tho my mom was fucked up to me, i sent her funds when i could. my father found out i was sending funds to my mom AND my sisters (his daughters with other women) and the fuckhead accused me of using him then when i told him save it for after work(we worked the same construction site) the motherfucker sat there next to me and argued with himself bc i started ignoring the "i feel like your playing with me" comments because i told him "im a grown ass man and we are at work. you are not to question me about shit because you wont get an answer you like. i help my family out because its my money. simple" he then grabbed my shirt yelling "who are you talking to" snatched his hand off and he gets in my face saying "DONT FUCKIN TOUCH ME" so i replied calm "dont touch me at all. thats the last free one your gonna get" dude looks around the lot at a crowd and says "you wanna fight or something? yall wouldnt be working here without me" i couldnt help but laugh in his face for trying to cause scene for an audience and went home. packed me and my partner up, came back to new york where im from. stayed with my mom for a month before me and my partner rushed and got into the place we have now. problem was now that we had our own space, my mom pushed sai off on us and dude practically lived with us. barely went home.fast forward to like 2 weeks ago. by this point we have our two cat boys cosmo and dexter. they are babies. 4months and some change to be exact. we tried introducing sai to the boys multiple times a day and he kept jumping at them or scaring them. the only option was to let sai sleep in the living room. we kept my mother in the loop with him because by law, hes "her dog". she started her little comments over text to beck immediately "if yall plan on mistreating my baby he dont have to be there" then told beck "im venting if you mention this to my son im gonna cuss you tf out" we let that one slide because now i was building my evidence so when i bugged tf out, i wasnt wrong. next day some old dude on our block got aggressive with beck for walking sai "on his block" she called me to come handle it and i get there and back him off. by this point im pissed. beck calls my mother to tell her sai gotta go home this week hes been with us since we got our place. mother catches a attitude and i again let it go. two days later beck has a goofy moment and brings sai in the room seconds after her, the boys and i just got up. dexter pops sai on the nose for getting too close. beck moves asai then scrunches dex to put him in time out. i got annoyed when she scrunched my furry boy. told her dont do that shit again even tho it supposedly doesn't hurt them, i dont like seeing it especially when it all happened because she was doing too much too early. she had a moment and told my mom he has to go "because your son is getting annoyed". mother responds "he can come today he'll be fine at home by himself. hes favoring those cats over his brother (sai). i immediately got pissed at both of them. called my mother and told her hes going home and hes not coming back because im tired of the comments of neglect when i actively tried to introduce him to the boys with no progress. i mean FUCK i kept the boys stuck in the room in their own home so your dog can fuck our living room and kitchen up. i then got on beck for being a firestarter to which she argued me on. then i told her the relationship was on the verge of being done because your not gonna be sitting around me starting shit. i didnt let up until she realized how petty she was being and how at risk we were because of it. my mother then argued me down telling me im dumb. and then she basically skipped over the fact she didnt reach out to her son to see what happened before coming at me in a side convo with beck. beck brought the convo to my attention which was wat initially set me off but i made sure to get on her ass instigating an issue where there was none. mom then called beck a white trash stealing dirty bitch. we told her to come get her dog. i cut contact soon as she left. a day later i find out she called the women on her side of the family and fabricated the whole story i didnt bother clearing it up or giving her that satisfaction of a response. then 2 days ago she called my phone and i let it ring. haven't spoken since. AITAH here? genuine question
submitted by Inevitable-Call-7915 to AITAH [link] [comments]
2024.06.09 10:24 PippiVillekulla Just got a 2025 Camry SE
I'm a bit horrified with myself. I was leasing a 2022 corolla and was planning on stopping in and asking questions. My lease expires next year. I didn't want a lease, but I'm glad I got one. And ... I bought a 2025 camry. Spur of the moment.
I didn't want to lease my previous car (2022 Corolla SE), but 2022 had high interest rates and no cars for test driving. I'm glad I leased bc the corolla SE feels bulky. I don't know any other way to describe it.
So instead of buying my lease out, I stopped by to see what my options will be next year when the lease ends. They offered me lower interest and a good trade in. They had a camry on site to test drivd. The 2025 Camry SE is a very smooth ride. The s
It is all black. Wheels, interior, leather seats, etc. I live in AZ, USA. Blaxk leather seats are dangerous. I had planned to buy fabric seat covers. However car seat cover companies with show compatible with my car then include a note saying to check my car features bc the cover could block airbags and stuff.
Any idea on how to know if a cover will stop my safety features?
Also, any idea where to get decent fabric seat covers that aren't going to fall apart and leave weird pilling blobs all over thr car? All the ones I'm finding with good reviews are leather seat covers or those covers that make thr seats look like they are swimming in crappy fabric but are listed as good for one size fits all.
submitted by PippiVillekulla to Camry [link] [comments]
I didn't want to lease my previous car (2022 Corolla SE), but 2022 had high interest rates and no cars for test driving. I'm glad I leased bc the corolla SE feels bulky. I don't know any other way to describe it.
So instead of buying my lease out, I stopped by to see what my options will be next year when the lease ends. They offered me lower interest and a good trade in. They had a camry on site to test drivd. The 2025 Camry SE is a very smooth ride. The s
It is all black. Wheels, interior, leather seats, etc. I live in AZ, USA. Blaxk leather seats are dangerous. I had planned to buy fabric seat covers. However car seat cover companies with show compatible with my car then include a note saying to check my car features bc the cover could block airbags and stuff.
Any idea on how to know if a cover will stop my safety features?
Also, any idea where to get decent fabric seat covers that aren't going to fall apart and leave weird pilling blobs all over thr car? All the ones I'm finding with good reviews are leather seat covers or those covers that make thr seats look like they are swimming in crappy fabric but are listed as good for one size fits all.