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My mother abandoned us as children, and now she's gone again after I gave her a second chance.

2024.05.19 21:42 Yoseianeki My mother abandoned us as children, and now she's gone again after I gave her a second chance.

Just a warning, this is going to be very long! I (21F) and my brother (15M) were abandoned by our mother when I was 11 or 12.
For context, she was a teen mother, with a lot of mental health issues (bipolar, BPD, depression, i can only assume some form of sociopathic behavior), and she addicted to hard drugs. My father was a little rough around the edges, but overall a hardworking guy who went into the relationship with a "I can fix her" mentality. For the first few years of my life, I was oblivious to all of the issues going on in my family, I just enjoyed the first 5 years of my life as a happy child. My mother hid her drug addiction well enough for a 5 year old not to ask any questions, and I thought weekly screaming matches were normal and "mommies and daddies fight sometimes". Unbeknownst to me, my mother was cheating with dozens of people, and emotionally/financially/physically abusing my father, he put on a happy face to try and give me a good childhood. He worked 5am- 5pm at a bagel store (no car, only a bike) and never came home empty handed; always a toy, or a piece of candy for me as "sorry" for always being gone and working all day. I thought my mother would always bring her "friends" (men and women) in the house while dad was at work, and they would spend hours "playing" in her room with the door locked. I pretty much had to raise and take care of myself from the time I woke up to around 6pm, so I ended up becoming pretty smart by entertaining myself with my mom's fantasy novels (Harry potter, princess of mars, lord of the rings, etc.) On days she had college classes, our landlords (amazing people) would babysit me. My mother did give me affection, and I loved her very much, but she was very hands-off.
Granted, I wasn't the easiest child to deal with, I had ADHD, undiagnosed autism, among some other things.
When she got pregnant with my brother, (also adhd+autism) I noticed things started to change. My parents would fight more often, the house smelled like smoke, and the electricity to the apartment would be out for weeks because we couldn't pay the bills. Shortly after my brother was born, my parents had the hugest fight I've ever seen, I don't even remember what it was about (probably cheating), but it was the first time it hit me that everything in my life wasn't as happy as I thoughts. I sat clutching my baby brother as she beat my dad with a chair and started screaming. He grabbed a knife and ran outside and tried to end his life by stabbing his wrist. I was screaming and crying my landlords name, hoping my baby sitter would come and save me, he bolted downstairs, pried the door open, and grabbed the two of us and took us into his top floor of the apartment. He gave me some chocolate milk while him and his wife called the police. That was the day my parents split up, and my mom was able to spin the whole thing on my dad, taking custody and he was granted only visitation rights. My mother was kicked out of the apartment, and my aunt (dads sister, but my mother had taken a liking to her and allowed us to see her often) had a feeling something fishy was going on when no one would tell her anything about the details of that night. She went to my old house and asked my landlords what happened, they told her, so she let us sleep over with her whenever we wanted as a safe haven from our mom. She didn't go to court with any of the information she got, out of fear that my mother wouldn't let her see us again, because she was now our only place of complete safety.
My life became a living hell from that point onward. A week a later, my mom told us that her "new boyfriend"(probably a guy she cheated on dad with but I was like 7 and didn't know better) was letting us move in with him. He was the most horrible piece of shit. He got my mother addicted to even more drugs, and they both constantly talked badly about my dad, and when I cried, covered my ears, and said I didn't want to hear it, he would hit me and tell me that I needed to know. He was basically unemployed, and would sometimes sell drugs, or take antiques out of abandoned houses to sell. I hated him. My mother made an entire personality shift, and would defend him even if he said horrible things to me or hit me. She saw no fault in him. She stopped reading me bedtime stories, and stopped telling me she loved me. The only time she was nice to me was when we were in front of other people like school functions... she would kiss up to all my teachers.
I was left to take care of my baby brother on my own, and my father was in and out of mental hospitals from the trauma, so everything he said about how horrible my mother was fell of deaf ears because he was labeled "crazy".
We had no money, it was all spent on drugs, I went out by myself several times to dig through dumpsters just to get food, and I stole baby formula from supermarkets. This one nice homeless lady knew my situation, and would walk me into the stores "as my grandma" so I wouldnt get stopped to ask why a child was all alone. She would poke around the store and buy a $1 candy bar, while I stole formula, and some cold cuts for her. She showed me all the best dumpsters, where delis would throw put perfectly good food at the end of the day. We had an alliance of sorts. I was less than 9 years old.
Her boyfriend became sexually abusive to me around that time. I'll spare the details.
My mother was starting to go off the rails completely. Doing anything for drug money. I clearly remember the time that she told me to get naked and she took pictures of me, up close in all my private areas "to send to the doctor" or else "I would have to go in person and they might give me a shot" (she knew I hated needles.). She never mentioned that event again, but I just know she sent them to some pedophile for money. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it. Her bf would try and hurt my brother, I would always step in and get beat instead. We saw our father and aunt maybe once a month, and I was threatened not to say anything to the school or my dad/aunt or else he would kill my mom. I said nothing. I told my aunt all the bruises were from bullies at school, my teachers were taking care of it... or that I was climbing trees, some excuse. I think she knew the truth, but was too scared of losing us to say anything. Everytime they went to drop us back off at our mom's, my brother would have a tantrum. He cried so much the blood vessels in his face would pop. He now at 15 has permanant, freckle like, spots of red on his face from crying so much so often.
She got pregnant again with his twin girls. She gave birth prematurely, and they came out very very sick. She gave birth at home... I was giving most of their care. After the "ohhhh new baby" feeling wore off for her, of course I was basically a mother of 3 at 10 years old. They didn't last long, less than a year. I was in complete despair and that was the first time i tried to end my life. I filled the bathtub and tried to drown myself by repeatedly hitting my head underwater in attempts to pass out under the water. It didn't work, and I was left with neck pain and a migraine that lasted 4 days. I attempted about 5 times, different methods, by this point I haven't been to school in a week. When I came back to school, the teachers noticed something was wrong. I kept looking off into space, detached. I would lash out and act aggressively when anyone would try and talk to me. I would have 2 hour "bathroom breaks" where I just stared at the wall inside the stall and acted rudely when anyone came to get me. What did they do? Not call CPS, of course, they sent me to a special school because of my "sudden behavior issues". I was in a class now with students I could not connect with in any way. I had no friends. All the other kids in my new class had severe learning disabilities and talking to my brother who was 6 years younger than me was more of a conversation. They couldn't read, most of them were almost non-verbal.
My mom broke up with her bf because he cheated, and we were going to lose the house. He still lived with us for a few days but stayed silent. My mother blamed me, saying that I ruined everything by being a bad child and now we were going to be homless. He tried to touch me one last time and I snapped and stabbed him deeply with a BBQ screwer, he just walked away. later that night he killed himself, I saw it. I'll never get that image out of my head.
I lost it, I had an outburst at school, crying and screaming that I wanted to kill myself and for God to just let me die. They sent me to a hospital, and the school called my mom to say I was having an outburst of psychosis. I spilled everything to the hospital about what her bf was doing to me (I couldnt bring myself to talk about my mothers abuses for some reason), and after a while, it was my dad who came to get me... apparently my mother had taken off, leaving my brother alone in the house after the school had called her. I had so many questions. But I was so happy to finally be able to live with my dad and his side of the family.
I was so traumatized, as well as neurodivergent, I acted strangely and dealt with some bullies at school but that was it, it was like heaven on earth. My father didn't even know the full scope of what went on, but the more I told him the more guilty he felt. He started spoiling us a bit out of guilt, so we were happy to be with a parent who loved us.
We never knew where she went. Until I was 18, and she reached out to me on social media. Initially I didn't want to answer. I left my DM sitting there for a few days but... I felt this unexplainable pull. I hated her all these years, but for some reason when the option to take her back into my life came up... something in me missed her. I kept thinking back to the few happy times, and the curiosity was killing me. I finally messaged back, my father told me not to, but he said he couldn't stop me, I at least deserved some answers, and to get all my pent up hatred out at her for some closure. We awkwardly chatted for a few minutes, she told me that her father in West Virginia picked her up, she started a new life, joined narcotics anonymous, but stayed low and didn't let herself be known. She met a genuinely good man at NA, who had convinced her to right her wrongs, quit drugs, and fix her family. They had 2 kids together (one with down syndrome), and she was a present, active mother. I felt a vicious jealousy. Why would she go and have 2 more kids when she had 2 that she abandoned? Why were they treated with love and a loving home when we went through hell...? Why didn't she make it up to us before she went and had more kids..?
My mind did weird things then. It made me need her approval. I kissed up to her, saying I forgave her. That I always knew everything was always her ex bfs fault and not hers.That we were sad when she left. I planned a trip to see her a month later and her new family, my friends all begged me it was a bad idea, to please please not go, and at least to not tell my brother about it. I listened to them, and didnt tell my brother any of this, I told him I was visiting a long distance friend.
I went, we had a pretty good time. Her kids were cute, and I absolutely adored her new lover. He was a good southern man, my gut told me that. He took me fishing, and let me talk through all my feelings. I finally had the relationship with her that I always craved. It felt sickening good, I was estatic. I didn't care about all of the weird signs, like the weird friends she had (looked like crack addicts), and how she managed to get a kind rich southern guy to take her in. I didn't even care. I was just happy to finally feel like I had her approval. I have a habit of bedwetting time to time from anxiety, I ended up having an accident and I was mortified. I cleaned it all up, but told her and, she said it was no big deal. She used to scream at me or hit me as a child for wetting the bed, and now she was reacting normally. It was like a new woman.
My trip was cut short by a week, she had to be rushed into hospital because her appedix was about to explode, she needed to recover and wouldnt be able to do anything fun with me for the remainder of the trip. I watchd her get taken by the ambulance, and was freaking out crying, I was so relieved when the surgery was a success. Her new man apologized profusely for all he stress and bought me a plane ticket back home to NY. He hugged me saying he would be so happy to see me again over the summer, and he had so much fun fishing with me. That he wanted to be a good step dad. He was a nice dude, just like my dad (a good guy she manipulated) I felt it in my gut. They both were at the airport, my mother in a wheelchair, and hugged me off. She said she loved me and to text her when I landed
I did, and got no response. Another day passed, nothing. I started to freak out and called her, only for it to go to voicemail. I messaged one of her friends sons who she Introduced me to. Asking if she was okay. He said he would get back to me once she responded to him, but them he too ghosted me. It was like she was never there. I called her partners work, and they said they would tell him to give me a call. Nothing. I was in despair. I assumed the worst, that she had died or something because of a surgery complication. I was so confused. I pushed it all out of my mind, wrote it off as a mystery even though it ate up at me. I always just justified it as a death, even though it made no sense. She was still following me on Facebook, but there wasn't activity for months when she was once super active. I deleted facebook a few months later because it just hurt.
It's been about 3 years since then. I needed to re-download facebook because my aunt wanted me to check something on matketplace... and I looked up her name just out of curiosity... shes been posting for over a year now. She's okay. She posts her kids, her fiance... she never once responded ro any of my messages yet. Not on text, not on Facebook messenger, no where.... I scrolled and scrolled, crying. I saw she got a new tattoo... a rose for each of her kids.... one for each of her two new kids, one for a miscarriage she had...two for our sisters who passed away... NONE for me or my brother. Like we don't even exist to her.
I don't know what to do. I want to know WHY. We finally had a good relationship, I finally forgave her. We finally could have been okay, saw each other a few times a year... she said she was happy to have me back in her life.... WHY? I'm so heartbroken and confused. I miss her. Was it because I wet the bed? I don't know. I know shes horrible, but I can't help but miss her so much it hurts. Should I continue trying to reach out, or just let her go..? How do I process thos? Any advice, or maybe a theory/explanation/comfort. Anything would help. I just need help. I don't know what to do...
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2024.05.19 20:59 Opposite-Value2031 Wife and her sisters

Salaam all..... Recently I had an argument with my wife... We had a forced kinda arrange married shit. I received text messages earlier from her sisters in which they didn't greet me and just said her name , I didn't mind them but it has recently increased quite..... (I didn't gave my wife a mobile as she has habbit of being messenger). from one family to another and I have caught her many times doing that...... So coming back to my .... She told this to my mother that I don't inform her about her sisters message .... That I don't want to let them talk to her.....
For that reason we had disturbance recently......
My question is that ..... Are sisters really matter more than husband..... I respect her a lot.... I have good thoughts about her..... But these kind of things makes me hurt like.... I don't know if you get my point ... But one thing is that ..... Never go for arrange marriage..... You can stay single....
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2024.05.19 20:38 w00tSpeaks android FB messenger won't let me click on links to open them

I am curious. Does anyone know of any setting that would cause clicking links in my FB messenger chats on my Android phone to not open. I can copy the text and open the links manually in my browser, but I can't just click on them. I am wondering if there is some permission that is needed to open links that I just have not found.
-- Thanks!
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2024.05.19 20:33 RGBiscotti-698 Wife's speech is now slurred, but she isn't ready to use communication devices and apps and she is starting to avoid social gatherings outside the home

My wife and I (both 40) married in April 2021. She was diagonsed with ALS in November 2021. After periods of discernment, she has made the decision to go on a ventilator when the time comes because she wants to have more time with me in part because we weren't all that young when we got married.
My wife did voice banking about a year ago. Since February, her speech has slurring. She is still working from home as her job is in data research and she mostly communicates with colleagues through chat. I also work from home and help her throughout day during breaks and such. I have gotten good at understanding what she is saying. I sometimes help her when she needs to video meetings for her job. She feels comfortable still speaking with me, but not with others not even her own mom, siblings, and friends. Friends, siblings, and relatives are fine communicating with her through texting or chat through Messenger. But, my mother in law doesn't like texting or chatting and my wife will have brief conversations with her on the phone which often cause issues as my MIL has hearing issues.
Prior to my wife having speech issues, we made it a point to do things outside the home just for the sake of spending time with others and just getting out of the house since we both work from home. We sometimes rotate between having meetups at our home and the homes of friends to watch sports, play games, and just hang out.
For the past couple of months, she has become self-conscious of how she sounds. But, she's still not ready to use other methods of communication. Friends and relatives are quite supportive, but again she feel uneasy still speaking with them and in social settings she asks that I stay nearby that way I can explain what she is saying if others don't understand her. We have had a couple of college graduation parties and an anniversary party for relatives in the past few weeks. She has refused to attend those. I totally understand that is feeling down and frustrated and I don't want to make her upset.
But, I know there will be a point where she is going to be dependent on communication devices and apps and I feel she needs to prepare for that, but we need to maintain our social relationships outside the home with friends and family to keep ourselves sane and have a sense of normality. I'm curious if anyone with a PALS loved one has advice for me or something I can do to help her.
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2024.05.19 18:48 Microfiche62 Getting flowers delivered to an Airbnb?

We have friends from Canada who will be in Rome quite near the Colosseum in a few days. One of them is celebrating her 60th birthday on May 23 and we would love to get flowers to her as a surprise. I tried contacting the Airbnb host, but doesn't sound like I will get far that way. They won't have an Italian phone number and probably would only be available through SMS/text to their Canadian number, Facebook messenger, or email. They check in to the Airbnb that day, so no idea when they will actually be in the unit. I am trying to arrange this from Canada - anyone have any helpful ideas? Would florists nearby speak enough English to arrange something like this, or would there be some type of shopping/delivery service that could help? Thanks!
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2024.05.19 14:08 Yurii_S_Kh Monotheism, Part 3: Islam

Monotheism, Part 3: Islam
Islam: Origins
Jibril (Gabriel) appears before Mohammed, drawing
The religion of the Law, which for 15 centuries prepared the chosen people for the coming into the world of the its Savior, the Incarnate Lord Jesus Christ, preceded New Testament religion. According to the Holy Apostle Paul, "the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ" (Gal. 3:24). It was all in all only "a shadow of good things to come" (Heb. 10:1). When the Savior came into the world, Old Testament religion had fulfilled its purpose. Our Lord Jesus Christ revealed to us the mystery of the Heavenly Kingdom and established the New Covenant, which was foretold by the prophet Jeremiah. "Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel, and with the house of Judah: Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the Lord: But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the Lord, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people" (Jer. 31:31-33).
Man was redeemed from original sin and its consequences by the voluntary death on the Cross of Jesus Christ as Savior of the World. He entered into an entirely new period in terms of his relationship with God in comparison with the Old Testament: instead of the law, there was a free condition of sonship and grace. Man received new means for achieving the ideal set for him of moral perfection as a necessary condition for salvation.
Islam, having arisen in Arabia in the seventh century, appeared as the religion of the law six centuries after the God of the chosen people of the religion of the Law fulfilled its purpose.
The difference between the Old Testament religion of the Law and Islam is not only that the latter emerged more than two thousand years after God gave on Mount Sinai the Ten Commandments and other precepts that governed life for the chosen people. The most important difference is that the Law of Moses has a Divine source. The book of Exodus gives a narrative of the majestic Epiphany. "And Moses brought forth the people out of the camp to meet with God; and they stood at the nether part of the mount. And mount Sinai was altogether on a smoke, because the Lord descended upon it in fire: and the smoke thereof ascended as the smoke of a furnace, and the whole mount quaked greatly. And when the voice of the trumpet sounded long, and waxed louder and louder, Moses spake, and God answered him by a voice. And the Lord came down upon mount Sinai, on the top of the mount: and the Lord called Moses up to the top of the mount; and Moses went up" (Exod. 19:17-20).
The founder of Islam, however, did not have a Divine revelation.
How did Islam arise? We read about this in the Hadith “Al-Jamii al-Sahih”. A mysterious being began to visit Mohammed. He slept in a cave on the slope of Mount Hira. On the night of the 24th of the month of Ramadan in year 610 someone appeared to him in human form. This event is considered the beginning of Islam. This story about it is from the Sunnah: “[A]n angel appeared to him and bade him 'READ!' 'I am no reader!' Mohammed replied in great trepidation, whereon the angel shook him violently and again bade him read. This was repeated three times, when the angel uttered the five verses that commence the 96th chapter: 'READ! in the name of thy Lord, who did create—who did create man from congealed blood. READ! for thy Lord is the most generous.’” Mohammed puzzled over whether a demon or angel visited him. He confided his experiences in his wife Khadijah. I will introduce more of the story of Mohammed's biography, generally accepted by Muslims: “She said to the messenger of God, ‘O son of my uncle, are you able to tell me about your visitant, when he comes to you?’ He replied that he could, and she asked him to tell her when he came. So when Gabriel came to him, as he was wont the apostle said to Khadija, ‘This is Gabriel who has just come to me.’ ‘Get up, O son of my uncle,’ she said, ‘and sit by my left thigh.’ The apostle did so, and she said, ‘Can you see him?’ ‘Yes,’ he said. She said, ‘Then turn round and sit on my right thigh.’ He did so, and she said, ‘Can you see him?’ When he said that he could she asked him to move and sit in her lap. When he had done this she again asked if he could see him, and when he said yes, she disclosed her form and cast aside her veil while the apostle was sitting in her lap. Then she said, ‘Can you see him?’ And he replied, ‘No.’ She said, ‘O son of my uncle, rejoice and be of good heart, by God he is an angel and not a satan’” (Ibn Hisham, Biography of the Prophet Muhammad).
It is surprising how easily and, gently speaking, naively this question, which in the spiritual realm is a question of life or death, had been answered with the help of a woman. Before all else, an Angel is a bodiless being, and for his sight there are no actual barriers: one can see through even clothes. Clothes hide nudity only from the eyes of man. Even so, the body of man in and of itself is not something perverse or shameful. It is a creation of God. The lust of man is sinful as well as is carnal desire, but not the body. In paradise the progenitors were naked and were not ashamed (see Gen. 2:25). The nature of an Angel is inviolate. They are alien to passions of man. But if this was a demon, then he could easily resort to trickery. Knowing how they tested him, he especially would be able to take leave of himself, so that they would take him for an Angel.
The attitude of Islam towards the Bible
Islam emerged as something syncretic out of several sources: ancient Arabic cults, Judaism, Christianity, Hanifism (a pre-Islamic monotheistic movement in Arabia) and Mazdaism (an ancient Iranian religion). There is no doubt that the Old Testament holy books and the Gospel had an influence on the formation of Islam. In the Quran many people and events from biblical history are mentioned. However, these stories are presented completely arbitrarily and inaccurately.
According to the Quran, man was created from water. "It is He Who has created man from water: Then has He established relationships of lineage and marriage: for thy Lord has power (over all things)" (25:54). In another surah, it says: "Proclaim! (or read!) in the name of thy Lord and Cherisher, Who created man, out of a (mere) clot of congealed blood" (96:1-2). In another part it speaks about clay, "He created man from sounding clay like unto pottery" (55:14).
In contrast to the Bible, the Quran does not say that man was created in the image and likeness of God. This discrepancy is most profound. With God's image and likeness, man is summoned to commune directly with his Creator. He can become one with the Lord. This is not so in Islam.
The book of Genesis tells the story of how the entire family of the patriarch Noah (in Arabic, Nuh) was saved in the Ark. The Quran speaks about the death of Noah's son: "So the Ark floated with them on the waves (towering) like mountains, and Noah called out to his son, who had separated himself (from the rest): ‘O my son! Embark with us, and be not with the unbelievers!’ The son replied: ‘I will betake myself to some mountain: it will save me from the water.’ Noah said: ‘This day nothing can save, from the command of Allah, any but those on whom He hath mercy!’ And the waves came between them, and the son was among those overwhelmed in the Flood" (11:42-43). Another surah tells it somewhat differently: "(Remember) Noah, when he cried (to Us) aforetime: We listened to his (prayer) and delivered him and his family from great distress" (21:76).
There is no need to provide more examples. In the Quran, things are especially distorted when discussing New Testament events. Here the differences are purely fundamental. The Incarnation, the Crucifixion on Golgotha, and the Resurrection are all denied. Even the event of the Nativity of Christ, known to the whole world, is described very strangely. It is alleged that Maryam retreated to a faraway place and gave birth to a Son under palms (19:23). In this surah, called Maryam, She is called the "sister of Harun," i.e. Aaron. He indeed had a sister named Miriam, but she lived 15 centuries before the Nativity of Christ.
Probably due to so great a number of errors and distortions, many representatives of Islam, in order to escape from this quandary, allege that the modern Holy Scripture of Christians has been distorted (a circumstance known as tahrif). Immediately, the question arises: what evidence do they provide? There is no evidence. Characteristically, the view of Muslims toward the Bible has undergone significant change over the course of several centuries. Early Islamic writers such as al-Tabari and ar-Razi believed that the distortion comes down to tahrif bi'al ma'ni, i.e. the corruption of the meaning without changing the text. However, later authors such as Ibn Hazm and Al-Biruni introduced the idea of tahrif bi’al-lafz, i.e. the corruption of the text itself. At that, both of these positions have been preserved to the present day. Thus, the level of acceptance among Muslims of the Bible depends on one's understanding of tahrif. The very existence of these fundamentally different positions indicates that there is no concrete evidence.
It is impossible to ignore one interesting feature of the attitude that representatives of Islam have toward the Biblical text. In that they do not have their own "undistorted" biblical text, they cite our canonical text as undistorted. However, when they need to support a point, for example, negative examples from the life of Banu Isra'il (the children of Israel) with a reference to parts that do not conform to Islam, they proclaim the text to be distorted.
Muslims allege that the New Testament (Injil), which the Quran refers to positively, is not in fact the current four Gospels. We have already said that they do not provide any evidence. The falsehood of the accusation that Christians distorted the Scriptures stems from the internal inconsistencies of the very Islamic authors who wrote on this theme. According to the Quran, the New Testament was originally a true, sacred text. "And in their footsteps We sent Jesus the son of Mary, confirming the Law that had come before him: We sent him the Gospel: therein was guidance and light, and confirmation of the Law that had come before him: a guidance and an admonition to those who fear Allah" (5:46). In another section: "Say: ‘O People of the Book! ye have no ground to stand upon unless ye stand fast by the Law, the Gospel, and all the revelation that has come to you from your Lord.’ It is the revelation that cometh to thee from thy Lord, that increaseth in most of them their obstinate rebellion and blasphemy" (5:68). This excerpt clearly demonstrates that the Quran itself does not speak of the distorted Scripture, but about "rebellion and blasphemy" related to misunderstanding.
There is one part of the Quran (10:94) which is very problematic for Islamic commentators: "If thou wert in doubt as to what We have revealed unto thee, then ask those who have been reading the Book from before thee: the Truth hath indeed come to thee from thy Lord: so be in no wise of those in doubt." This ayat refers the Muslim "in doubt" to the authority of the biblical Holy Scripture. Abdul-Haqq writes: “The learned doctors of Islam are sadly embarrassed by this verse, referring the prophet as it does to the people of the Book who would solve his doubts” (Abdul-Haqq, A. A. (1980). Sharing Your Faith With A Muslim. Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House Publishers. As cited in Geisler, N.L. (1999). Baker Encyclopedia of Christian Apologetics. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Publishing Group). According to the logic of this verse, the biblical Scripture was undistorted in the 7th century at the time of the Quran's creation. Then one must recognize that the current text is also correct, since we use manuscripts written over several centuries prior to the Quran.
Textual criticism of the New Testament has achieved outstanding breakthroughs in the 20th century. Currently, there are over 2,328 manuscripts and manuscript fragments in Greek, coming to us from the first three centuries of Christianity. The most ancient New Testament manuscript, a part of the Gospel of John 18:31-33, 37-38, is the Rylands Library Papyrus P52, dated 117-138 in the era of the reign of emperor Hadrian. Adolf Deissmann acknowledges the possibility of the emergence of this papyrus even under the reign of Emperor Trajan (98-117). It is preserved in Manchester. Another ancient New Testament manuscript is the Papyrus Bodmer, P75. The 102 surviving pages contain the texts of the Gospels of Luke and John. "The editors, Victor Martin and Rodolphe Kasser, date this copy to between 175 and 225 A.D. It is thus the earliest surviving known copy of the Gospel according to Luke available today and one of the earliest of the Gospel according to John" (Bruce M. Metzger. The Text of the New Testament. p. 58). This precious manuscript is located in Geneva.
Uncial script on parchment: leather codices with uncial script, (in Latin uncia means inch) letters without sharp corners and broken lines. This script is distinguished by its great refinement and precision. Each letter is disconnected. There are 362 uncial manuscripts of the New Testament. The most ancient of these codices (Codex Sinaiticus, Vaticanus, and Alexandrinus) have already been mentioned.
Scholars complemented this impressive collection of ancient New Testament manuscripts with the New Testament text, which consisted of 36,286 excerpts of the Holy Scripture of the New Testament found in the works of the holy fathers and teachers of the Church from the first through fourth centuries. This text is lacking only 11 verses.
Scholars of textual criticism in the 20th century did a tremendous job on the collation of all—several thousands of—New Testament manuscripts and identified all textual discrepancies caused by scribal error. An evaluation and typologization was performed. Precise criteria for determining a correct variant were established. For those familiar with this rigorous scientific work, it is obvious that allegations of the distortion of the current holy text of the New Testament are unfounded. In terms of the number of ancient manuscripts and the brevity of time separating the earliest surviving text from the original, no one work of antiquity can be compared with the New Testament.
Accusations that the Bible's text is distorted are puzzling. How could it actually have been done? How could Christians and Hebrews have come together to do this? Everyone knows the degree of their mutual [doctrinal—Ed.] alienation. And yet both Christians and Jews use one and the same canonical text of the Old Testament. Furthermore, the entire New Testament was preserved in the Chester Beatty Papyri, composed in approximately 250 A.D.
It is inconceivable to accept that under the conditions that existed in Christian society, hundreds of exemplars of the New Testament text were miscopied for the purpose of distortion.
On the Monotheism of Islam
Historians and religious scholars regard the three "Abrahamic" religions, Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, as monotheistic religions. For the researcher, the doctrinal principles that representatives of each of these three religions formulate are sufficient. However, on a theological level, the insufficiency of such a formal approach becomes clear. Monotheism is a necessary but not sufficient condition for true religion. Only a religion that has Divine revelation as a source has the true and spiritually accurate doctrine concerning God. Christianity not only maintains that God is the living, absolute source, "the only true God" (John 17:3; 1 Thes. 1:9; cf. John 5:20), but also teaches thoroughly and in depth of the nature of God as without beginning, without end, and of a perfect Spirit. The chief characteristic of the Divine nature is love. "God is love" (1 John 4:16). These words of the apostle contain the principal idea of the New Testament as the good news of salvation. The ineffable goodness of God created the world. The Lord housed man in paradise. Even after the Fall, God continued to love mankind. The greatness of God's love was revealed when the incarnate God died a most agonizing death for us. Christians know from not only the Holy Scripture, but also through the power of spiritual experience, that God is all-knowing and all-wise. The apostle says: "Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do" (Heb. 4:13).
God knows not only all that has happened, and all that is, but he has also perfect knowledge of the future. The mirror of the supreme Wisdom of God is the universe which He created, astounding man with its extraordinary complexity, beauty, and harmony. God demonstrates his ineffable Wisdom also in the dispensation of our salvation. "O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out" (Rom. 11:33).
True religion is not limited by the demand of worship for the Creator. Its ultimate goal is the spiritual unity of man with God. The Savior speaks about this in a prayer to his Father before his suffering on the cross: "That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us" (John 17:21).
From the aforementioned characteristics of the Divine follows the concept of true, Christian monotheism. There can be only one all-powerful and all-just God.
The concept of God in Islam does not have a source of divine revelation. It developed on the basis of ancient Arabic religion. The word “Allah” was used in the polytheistic pantheon of Arabs to denote “God”: Allah (al - the definite article; ilah - god). Among the pagan Arabs, prior to their adoption of Islam, Allah was the supreme lunar deity, worshipped in north and central Arabia. The father of Muhammed, who was a pagan, was named Abdullah ("Servant of Allah").
In pre-Islamic times, the crescent moon was the symbol of the worship of the moon-god among the Arabs. This is confirmed by archeological evidence. The crescent moon was carried over as the main symbol of Islam.
Arabs of the Syrian desert called the wife of Allah as Al-lāt, and in the south of central Arabia, Al-‘Uzzá. In other areas of Arabia, they, along with Manat, were worshipped as the daughters of Allah. This genetic trail was preserved in the Quran. There is mention of this in the 53rd surah: "Have ye seen Lāt, and ‘Uzzā, and another, the third (goddess), Manāt? What! For you the male sex, and for Him, the female? Behold, such would be indeed a division most unfair!" (53:19-22).
In Islam, Allah is a created religious image by the human consciousness. He does not express the real almighty divine personhood. Consequently, monotheism in Islam is imagined. In a number of places in the Quran, he is endowed with intrinsically human characteristics and traits. Allah says:
  • "Those who reject Our signs, We shall soon cast into the fire: as often as their skins are roasted through, We shall change them for fresh skins, that they may taste the penalty" (4:56);
  • "...There is no help Except from God, the Exalted, the Wise: that He might cut off a fringe of the Unbelievers or expose them to infamy, and they should then be turned back, frustrated of their purpose: (3: 126–127);
  • "The Hypocrites—they think they are over-reaching God, but He will over-reach them" (4:142);
  • "And (the unbelievers) plotted and planned, and God too planned, and the best of planners is God" (3:54);
  • “Many are the Jinns and men we have made for Hell: they have hearts wherewith they understand not, eyes wherewith they see not, and ears wherewith they hear not. They are like cattle,—nay more misguided: for they are heedless (of warning)” (7:179).
What a great difference! Christianity teaches that God "will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth" (1 Tim. 2:4), while Islam maintains that Allah created many people for Gehenna.
The idea of monotheism, (tawhid, from the verb wahhada—to reckon something as one) was formulated in the Quran in several surahs. For example, in the 16th surah, "The Bee": "For We assuredly sent amongst every people an apostle, (with the Command), "serve God, and eschew evil" (16:36). In the terminology of the sharia, anything people worship except for Allah is "taghut". Since Islam does not know of direct revelation, nor the holy Manifestation of God to the world, nor the unification of man with God on the foundation of love, its monotheism is imagined, formalistic and abstract, requiring not that man change himself or his way of life, but only worship and daily prayer.
Hieromonk Job (Gumerov)
submitted by Yurii_S_Kh to SophiaWisdomOfGod [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:17 Worried_Truth_9870 I need to be online so that facebook messages don't disappear, otherwise, I don't receive them when sent while I'm offline.

I sent pictures and texts to my friend while she was offline, but she couldn’t find them in the chat even when she came back online. she only receives Facebook messages if she was already online and using the app. Is this common?
It's strange because my messages show as 'sent,'
I’m not sure why this happens. You’d expect messages to come through once she connects to Wi-Fi or data, but that’s not the case with her Facebook Messenger.
Could it be due to his outdated phone or some settings? Is this even a common issue?
submitted by Worried_Truth_9870 to techsupport [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:15 d4vidbjork OneUI bugs

There is probably more things, I cannot think of right now.
Featurerequests:
Custom camera widget; I would like to choose not any image or make it more customizable. Now it uses either latest pic from camera or choose a pic. Would like to have a blank or colored tile or with bigger text.
submitted by d4vidbjork to oneui [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:15 Worried_Truth_9870 I need to be online so that facebook messages don't disappear, otherwise, I don't receive them when sent while I'm offline. What’s wrong?

I sent pictures and texts to my friend while she was offline, but she couldn’t find them in the chat even when she came back online. she only receives Facebook messages if she was already online and using the app. Is this common?
It's strange because my messages show as 'sent,'
I’m not sure why this happens. You’d expect messages to come through once she connects to Wi-Fi or data, but that’s not the case with her Facebook Messenger.
Could it be due to his outdated phone or some settings? Is this even a common issue?
submitted by Worried_Truth_9870 to u/Worried_Truth_9870 [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 10:45 RetroGun Started a case to talk about all the bugs I have encountered... got multiple more while talking to them!

This is outrageous, I have encountered almost a dozen seperate little bugs while setting up ads, some causing me to completely restart some ads. These are just some of them:
While I was talking to the agent and creating an ad:
My issue is - what the fuck is happening in the background if this is happening in front of us?
Edit: They closed my case in regards to the meta pro chat bug, but didnt fix it. I am still unable to contact the rep. Now I have to start a new case
submitted by RetroGun to FacebookAds [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 10:24 Worried_Truth_9870 Strange : disappearing Messages on Facebook Messenger if sent offline

Disappearing Messenger Messages: Issue with Old Phone or Settings?
I sent pictures and texts to my boyfriend while he was offline, but he can't find them in the chat even when he comes back online. He only receives Facebook messages if he was already online and using the app.
It's strange because my messages show as 'sent,' yet he only gets them if he's online and using Facebook Messenger. I’m not sure why this happens. You’d expect messages to come through once he connects to Wi-Fi or data, but that’s not the case with his Facebook Messenger.
Could it be due to his outdated phone or some settings? Is this even a common issue?
submitted by Worried_Truth_9870 to facebook [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:05 DoxieLibrarian Disappointed by a breeder again

I know this has happened to so many of us so many times and it is expected to an extent, but I'm hurt and know all of you are wonderful for support. Thank you.
So, I have a new coworker and we hit it off right away when he first started months ago. He would flirt a little now and then, but I ignored it because he is a very happy, positive person and he seemed the type to be a little flirty with all women. I took myself off the market almost four years ago and for the most part now just want friends, but am not against seeing where something goes if it seems right. Now, my coworker stops by my office, always has a kind word, and asks me questions like he actually wants to know me. Naturally, I came to really like him. I also had the conversation with him where I explained I'm childfree. That I think kids are pretty cool, but just not for me. (And this is generally my response in the workplace to avoid drama)
He has mentioned little about himself even when asked questions and as he is a few years younger than me, I thought he might not have kids. Well, today he asked for my number and I gave it to him. I hoped he was just asking as a friend but he quickly got flirty. I saw no harm in it as I thought he didn't have kids. Well, after texting him back at some point in the workday, my messenger app must have connected to the Internet or something since his phone number suddenly updates to "🙌 Super Dad🙌" as the contact name and his contact entry in my phone has a profile picture of two small children about two and four. I mention to him that his number musy have connected to something and automatically updated in my phone and tell him his kids are cute to see what he says. He admits the kids are his and agrees they're cute but mentions nothing further. I mean so many conversations spread across months and he never chooses to mention them? I admit I was a little crushed. I was hoping for a new friend and maybe even a date but it turns out he has kids. Worse, he lied about them.
Now I don't want to talk to him and I have to find a way to politely get him to back off so our work environment doesn't become weird. He also mentioned he doesn't have any social media which I find weird for a guy so young. It makes me wonder if he's married and hiding it.
The worst part is that I let it slip to a coworker that he asked for my number and now she is already imagining a relationship for us in her head. If I tell her I'm not interested because he has two kids she'll say I'm being two narrow minded and have to be realistic. And sadly I think a lot of other people in my life would say she's right. So I'm dropping this rant since I know a lot of you are in similar boats and its so nice to know we are not alone . Thank you.
submitted by DoxieLibrarian to childfree [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:04 Charmed264 My first time getting scammed

I posted my resume on Craigslist trying to get some sort of work from home job.
A woman emailed me: “I am currently looking for a business personal assistant just for you to know the position is an home based job, I live in Toronto Ontario but currently out of the Country for roadshows, that's why I need someone reliable to help me with my tight schedule. Do you have a Laptop/PC you can be working on?”
I said yes, and asked about the schedule and pay. She replied and said: “Ok good. So we operate a custom home building company, android developer and into buying and selling of antiques and artifacts. I'm an extremely busy person just online here looking for a personal assistant who will be willing to reduce me from a multi-task I go through all day online. Your duties just entails sending and receiving emails from my clients, taking orders and making enquires, I’d instruct you on how to go through with them as time goes on.You'd be working for 3-4hrs daily; 10am-1pm or 4pm-7pm and the hours can be flexible. So about the pay, the payment is dependent it could be a direct deposit or a Cheque and the pay is $580 weekly. Which bank do you operate with?”
I then told her what bank I use and that my schedule is wide open. She then said: “Ok good, so you'd be having an online interview via text just Q&A processing. It would be performed on a telegram platform. I believe you have a telegram messenger app?”
Looking back that was a red flag but I was desperate.
She then said let’s chat on WhatsApp (which I didn’t have but I downloaded it to chat with her). Also a red flag🤦‍♀️
I emailed about five “clients” about various things that were consistent with the work she said she does. They discussed certain items, dates, payments, prices etc.
Well the job was a scam. She asked I get 2 $100 gift cards as a thank you for her clients. I emailed a bunch of her clients, she had a website and all this info to corroborate her story. So I stupidly believed her. She sent me two cheques each for $100 for the gift cards. I deposited them, went out and got the gift cards and sent pictures of them to each of her clients. Anyways everything seemed normal, then she asked I get another gift card for a different client I emailed with, again with a cheque. I finally said no and asked she send the money by e-transfer or direct deposit. She said she couldn’t for whatever reason. She said the cheques were good and they’ll go through. After I expressed fear that they wouldn’t.
Because they were Apple gift cards and they have codes you just scan. I checked and both of the cards are drained. I called my bank and they said because I deposited the cheques there’s nothing they can do. And when the cheques inevitably bounce/come up as fraud a hold will be put on my account and I’ll need to pay the $200. Money I don’t have. It seemed genuine at the time, I feel so stupid and disappointed in humanity honestly. 
I was already scraping change together just to buy food and I’m many months behind on rent; now it’s been made so much worse. Ultimately I’m just tired of all of this. I’m only 20 years old, yet I fell for it because of my desperation for money. My desperation made me blind to the obvious red flags.
My friends and family comforted me and said I’m not stupid, it was just an elaborate scam. I don’t really believe them, I mean looking back it was so obvious!! But they made me feel like a dumb kid and that’s something I already deal with in my day to day (why is a long story). I figured at least at this job I’d have people take me seriously. But instead I was made a fool.
Sorry for the novel!
submitted by Charmed264 to Scams [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 08:15 DesignerAd3235 My experience 7 days after becoming a victim

Hey there just wanted to share my experience a week later to show people what to expect and how I’ve handled my situation
7 days ago I was messaged from an account with 400 followers and roughly 200 following, account was on Instagram and was supposedly a 19 year old girl from Nevada with bible verses in her bio
She texted me, I was suspicious and somehow she managed to convince me it was really her and even sent photos holding up 4 fingers which I thought for sure would let me know I was being scammed - but after asking a few ways of photo verification I was convinced as my requests were fulfilled
Yada yada yada we exchange pics and I get hit with the ultimatum of send $800 or have my pictures sent to my family and friends (they had screenshots of my following from tiktok, Facebook and instagram).
I’ve never been in this situation before so of course I was frightened but I felt the best thing to do was convince them I genuinely had no money, I managed to convince the scammer I only had $150 in my account (I have 2 bank accounts and this one had $200 in it so I transferred $150 into an empty savings account to show) and I stupidly sent the money. If I knew then what I know now I would not have sent the money. After sending the money my phone died and when I turned it on I came back to multiple threats and more screenshots of the scammer making group chats with many family members and friends. After reading up on what to do and looking through this subreddit I decided to block on both instagram and my phone number (I gave them my phone number as they wanted to talk over messenger instead)
After blocking, I changed my profile picture to black, changed my account name and deleted my bio, I also deleted my tiktok as I don’t really have a need for it anyways
It took 4 days for them to reach out again over a different phone number except it was a different person and they had no clue about my situation as they thought I was still in school and they were threatening things to do with the principal of the school (I’m 22 lol)
I immediately blocked and haven’t responded - I went to instagram to check if I’d been messaged again there and turns out the original account that scammed me had been deleted so that was a plus
I asked some friends who were supposedly in the group chats and they said they never saw a request so I believe somehow they fake the group chats even if it’s on instagram
But yeah it’s now been 7 days since the initial text, it took about 4 days for me to realise they have nothing over me and if I don’t comply there’s a very high chance they’ll do fuck all so even though I can’t be 100%, I feel 99% certain they won’t do anything
TL-DR ;
I sent $150, blocked and reported and nothing came from it Was messaged days later from a different scammer with my pictures and immediately blocked The people they made group chats with to threaten me have assured me they haven’t even seen a message request As stressful as the situation is, these people think of us as dollar signs and if we block them and give them no feedback - we turn into question marks and question marks are worth fuck all to these people so they move on
My best piece of advice I can give after doing research and experiencing it myself ; Block, report and don’t even respond to the messages I sent them money, I also blocked them and will continue to do so with confidence they won’t do anything
Stay safe everyone and trust me when I say no girl just wants to exchange nudes for nothing, it’s either a scammer or it’s a cruel prank xoxo
submitted by DesignerAd3235 to Sextortion [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 06:57 BruntNixSix These Still around?

are blackberrys and Other Slider Phones Still being made? and which ones and still talk and text?
submitted by BruntNixSix to dumbphones [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 06:00 The_Maiden_Jaiden I [18F] discovered that my mother [39F] was cheating on my father [47M] but after telling my father about it their relationship started improving, how do I go about trying to fix my relationship with my mother?

This will be a bit long so there will be a tl,dr at the end if you don't want to read all of it. I'm new at this so bear with me.
Bit of background about myself I [18F] have diagnosed combination type ADHD though for my entire life my doctor has recommended I be tested for Autism and my school has always been saying that I have Autism for as long as I can remember. I have never been emotionally attached to my parents while I am grateful for all they have done for me I have just never been attached to them like I would care if they were gone. When I was in elementary school I was a very hyper child and I was not well behaved at all due to this in kindergarten my teachers would often tell me to go off to another part of the room away from everyone else and give me things to play with so that I would be distracted and they could teach the rest of the class without me disrupting them so I would pretty much be isolated from everyone else. I have been in special needs classes since kindergarten and I have only been put on medication for my ADHD once which was when I was 8 but I was taken off it by my parents as it turned me into a "zombie" I believe the medication was Adderall but other than that I have been unmedicated for ten (10) years. My parents have been married 18 years, I believe they got married because my mother became pregnant with me
I discovered that my mother was cheating on my father about two (2) or three (3) months ago though I had been suspecting it for over six (6) months I just never had any solid proof until two (2) to three (3) months ago. Recently I had my friend send my father the proof of my mother's affair that I have collected but to my surprise after they talked for around 15 about it their relationship has improved significantly compared to how it's been for over a year. This all started in 2023 my mother began constantly face timing this guy we'll call P I had never seen before whenever my father wasn't around when I asked about it she said P was just a friend and so I believed her and I had even spoken to the guy though he didn't sit well with me as he seemed like a prick. After about a month of my mother constantly on the phone with P whenever my father wasn't around I began to wonder if there was more to this, so I began listening in on their conversations whenever I could to see if I could hear anything that indicated that was an affair but I never got anything out of it besides lewd jokes and comments from P about black women. During this time she was giving my father zero affection and had even stopped telling me that she loved me even I said it to her.
Eventually I got fed up with them constantly talking to each other and I was very angry with my mother for taking me and my three (3) year old brother to the park for as she called it "family time" only for her to be off on her own away from us and on her phone the entire time texting and face timing P and even flat out ignoring me numerous times whenever I tried to talk to her or asked her to watch me do something, this upset me because I like getting attention from others and she had denied me that. So after I was fed up with them I went off on my mother for the first time ever while she on the phone with P and said some not nice things to her and said not nice things about P, I also brought up my suspicion of her having an affair which she denied and when I pressed her about why said lied to me about things regarding P such as where he lived, how she knew him, why she only ever called him whenever my father wasn't around, and why she started talking to him she told me it was because she "wasn't allowed to have friends" which is not true she has many friends many of which I know. After that all happened I stopped talking to her for a while and she stopped calling him whenever I was around and I began to wait for opportunities for when I could take her phone and go though it as I knew her password. I couldn't just wait for her to go to bed as she is a light sleeper and my father goes to bed a different times from her so he would see me and question me as to why I was taking her phone or she would end up waking up and question me so I had to wait for when she left her phone unattended which wasn't very often.
Two (2) months ago I was able to swipe her phone and go though it and it was all right there. I love you's, naked pictures, sexual conversations, talk of divorcing my father for P and taking my brother with, and I made sure to get plenty of pictures of it and I even found out that on a trip she took to "Ohio" in which is paid 300$ for plan tickets to and from she had actually not went there and instead went to the state P lives, I also found P's Facebook where he had pictures of himself with my mother together and the dates the pictures were posted and the date my mother left for her trip matched up, during that trip she had actually never even called back home to talk to me, my father, or my brother. For a while after I confirmed my mother was cheating on my father I blamed myself because P asked me if I was okay with him talking to my mother (This was when I still though he was just her friend) and I said I was and it made me feel like I was the one that allowed this to happen but I realized it wasn't my fault and the only one to blame was my mother. After my mother returned from her trip she had actually wanted to have sex with my father for the first time in a while though I suspect she only did it because she had sex with P and wanted to do it with my father in case she became pregnant though I have no evidence to prove this but I do know that birth control does not work for my mother as when she conceived me, my sister, and my brother she was on birth control same as her mother though take that with a grain of salt as my mother is terrible at taking medication at the same time everyday. After that I began to plan out what to do, I didn't care about what would happen to me if they got divorced I was thinking of how I could try and get this to work out best for my brother. My at the time boyfriend had gone though a similar situation as to what I was going though, his mother cheated on his father and divorced him and ran away with her affair, leaving behind her children and leaving her ex-husband in lots of debt from legal fees. I didn't want that to happen to my father so I talked with my at the time boyfriend and my friends as for what I should do and I also looked into what the divorce laws in my state which my state does not count adultery as grounds for divorce.
Eventually I got another chance to go though my mother's phone and it was more of the same old stuff but in one part she told P that she was in the process of filing some kind of legal paperwork and P seemed excited about that there was also a "protected files" thing on her phone that needed a password to get into but since it wasn't the same password as the one to her phone I couldn't get it. Once I saw that I knew I couldn't wait any longer and I had my friend send my father the proof though a burner phone number so none of it was connected me and they wouldn't know I had all of the evidence then I waited for him to confront my mother. It didn't take long for that to happen as soon as she came home from work he was on her about it but he never raised his voice or showed any kind of aggression towards my mother they just calmly talked for about 15 minutes. During so my mother never showed any kind of regret or remorse, she never even said sorry mostly just saying "believe what you want to believe" she told my father that he was just a friend from high school (Though I think there is more to it than that) and that he was obsessed with her and wanted her to divorce my father for him and even her parents where egging her on to do it but she said she didn't want to give up her family and home just to start all over and that if she wanted to leave she would have already left, but that doesn't really make sense to me as if you cared so much about your family and the life you built then wouldn't you show some kind of emotional response when all of that was threatened? she also implied that the lewd pictures she had sent P he had paid her to send them. After they finished talking they hugged and carried on with their day like nothing had happened and they have been doing things they hadn't done in years, cuddling in bed together, kissing, and hugging. Today I checked my mother's phone again and it seems she has stopped talking to P all together and doesn't even have him as a friend of Facebook anymore and I can't find their messages on Facebook messenger anymore though I doubt she really stopped.
TL,DR: My mother cheated on my father but after exposing her cheating to my father their relationship began to improve, I want to try and fix my relationship with my mother for the sake of my brother but I don't know how to go about it
While their relationship is improving my relationship with my mother is in the trash I have told her to stop talking to me or doing anything with me period as I despise cheating but I would like to attempt to fix my relationship with my mother because I want to be in my brother's life and I feel if things between me and my mother sour she will prevent me from being around him and I plan on moving out as soon as I am able to. I have two (2) older half sister's 21 and 25 respectively (Same father different mother) but I don't get to see them much since they have their own lives and one of them even has her own family, my mother also doesn't like them and I feel she played a role in keeping me from seeing them when I was growing up and I have one (1) younger sister that was put up for adoption though it is an open adoption so I still see her every now and then, I have never been able to form any kind of relationship with my siblings as I never grew up with them and I scarcely saw them during my childhood but my brother is the only one I have been able to be with long-term and I want to be able to build a relationship with my brother as he grows up and I believe fixing my relationship with my mother will help me be able to do this. I want to be able to fix things between me and my mother for my brother but at the same time I don't want to reveal that I was the one that caused her little affair to get exposed as I feel that will damage our relationship even more. How should I approach mending things with her without damaging things further? I don't believe cheaters should be given a second chance with the person they cheated on but I want to fix things between me and mother at least temporarily for my brother.
submitted by The_Maiden_Jaiden to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 05:35 MHMan7 When to ask to meet?

Hello. Male here. Matched with someone on Facebook Dating. Over a 2 week span, went from chatting on FB Dating, to FB Messenger and have now asked for her phone number to text. How long is it best to wait to actually suggest meeting? I'm new to this so trying to figure out the best way to go about this. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
submitted by MHMan7 to OnlineDating [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 04:58 FunRevolutionary1111 clean phone and feels better, but?

Hi! I've found this sub super helpful, so I'm asking for a vibe check. It's been a while since our last d day - months, at least - and everything feels generally positive. I've even got to a point where I can stop thinking about it and be intimate with him. He's in therapy, I'm 34 weeks pregnant, it's all going sort of okay.
I don't like the way jealousy and betrayal makes me feel, so I made a deal with myself to only check his phone when it's totally random, so he doesn't have time to cover any hidden tracks, and when I feel comfortable and not stressed out by it. It's currently 3:45am and I was woken up by him stealing the duvet, snoring loudly and a YouTube video he'd fallen asleep to still on, and by my ear. Not to victim blame here, but he was literally begging for it. I found nothing. Like, at all. Not even the slight whiff of anything. Clean Instagram with a clean Instagram explore page (which he'd deleted and remade his Instagram himself after admitting the algorithm on it was broken and kept showing him stuff). No emails, no texts, no dodgy apps. Nothing on his FB, messenger, whatsapp, his screen time and battery usage was low and clean. He even stopped talking to the girl I half jokingly told him to stop talking to. I mean, I wish he'd have told her he's stopped talking to her, but nothing since early april. His search history told me secrets but nice ones, like parenting stuff and better paying jobs. I also feel like there's nothing. I don't feel suspicious, on the day to day. He tells me when he has urges, he lets me know triggers. I trust that nothing has happened.
My question is, should I live in this contentment or should I push? Is it a too good to be true situation? He's only just started therapy, he's been addicted for years. It's not that I want anything to be wrong but this nice moment will be something I look back on if I find something in a few days/weeks/months. I did say that my only issue was the lying (not strictly true, but necessary as I'd rather know that not know) and if I caught him again I'd leave. When things got a bit sticky, I then made a show of looking for houses and stuff. Maybe that's genuinely worked? Am I being naive? I do suppose trust is a choice but I don't trust the fact that I trust him, you know?
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2024.05.19 03:02 secondredaccount I think I'm getting scammed - help

I didn't know anywhere else to post this that I felt comfortable except for this GENX sub.
My daughter is going out of town for a university internship. I went on a facebook page where they offer summer housing near the university.
Got a lot of responses and one person seemed legit. But now he keeps bugging me like every 6 hours of the day asking if Im still interested in the apartment. He insists on using Zelle to do the deposit. I've never used Zelle but I've read it is not protected like a credit card would be.
I did give him my phone # to text me so it's easier to communicate vs facebook messenger. A few things on his page have brought up red flags so I'm pretty sure now this guy is a scammer. Long story short I learned that these facebook market groups are full of scammers. I'm going to break off all communication but since he has my phone #, can he do something bad to me online or anywhere else?
I feel stupid and should have known better!
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2024.05.19 02:07 Necessary_Adagio5661 Can’t do it anymore, ended for good

Before dating my ex for the last 3 years I found out she has bpd, she was with an “abusive” guy and I helped her out then she started liking me, when she left the relationship she was drinking a few beers a night on top of smoking bong daily. Eventually it became problematic because she’d try to drink in my car which could get me in lots of trouble, she got better when I left the first time and went to AA and stopped the minute I came back.. whenever we went places she’d yell at me saying I was looking at girls when I wasn’t, judging me and letting me have no friends who were females, etc.. eventually we went to a festival where she met two old friends her ex knew but they stopped hanging with him, you can tell these people were trash and druggies, about a year later she went bowling with her family and they were there so she went out with them after, I could tell she did coke and lied about it, and those people told her to lie to me to about it, ended up breaking up with her and eventually after her crying I decided we could be friends because she was like, I’ve never seen someone cry this hard but it was bad, we started to be fwb which was okay for a bit until she started hanging around those guys again and some of their friends who were also friends with her ex, needless to say she made rules saying we couldn’t see other people or anything, I ended up hacking her messenger one morning and saw some messages from the main guy I broke up with her over, the guy and his gf that got her back into coke, and they were disgusting like “you looked good naked last night” “come over me and my gf want a 3 sum” and at that point I screenshotted, picked her up and threw it in her face and she cried again and blamed me for hacking her phone and changed every password, we weren’t together but she made rules, she didn’t fuck anyone but she did make out with the guys gf drunk , I believe the non sex thing because the guys like 500 pounds and gross, after that I took her back once more and she said those guys got kicked out of the group for being gross and she was just trying to get the convo to go away (she deleted it) I told her if I didn’t go on her phone I’d of never known and that’s what hurts the most, she would’ve hid it, she said she couldn’t remove them because she’s scared of them being druggies, in all this I have been caring less and less but we tried one more time and this weekend I picked her up from the house to go on a walk, got her dinner and then she wanted beer and weed and spent like half her paycheck in one night on it, I realized me buying her dinner was just letting her buy more drugs, she kinda said the weather was bad and we should go another day all while texting her new best friend a girl coke head who doesn’t work, I got her in crap before because our hangouts are her messaging them non stop, I realized now I can’t help her out of the addictions and need to leave it kkeeps getting worse, shes caring less about me and barely messages me when shes out with them etc, and i need to leave as hard as it is, she lives paycheck to paycheck and her life revolves around going to their house all weekend and doing drugs, all of them are failures and they rent some crap apartment and buy drugs weekly, it hurts to see but I feel it’s easy to leave as she blocked me the last time we fought and now I blocked the only other way we talked, if she unblocks me on insta after this weekend because she’ll be back at home without them, then I will block her, I need to avoid her social media and move on it sucks
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2024.05.18 21:04 pewtermug Thought y'all would enjoy this - kicked out two bridesmaidzillas 11 days before my wedding

(my post originally from CharlotteDobreYoutube)
TLDR at bottom
I will try to keep as many relevant details in here as possible without going too far off track, since the history with us and with her is utterly a novel. This is long, but worth it, so here goes.
11 days before my wedding I kicked out two bridesmaids (A and M.) This meant I had two left (E and L.) It started with bridesmaid A who asked if her boyfriend could wear a cowboy hat to my wedding. Mind you, my wedding venues were a church for the ceremony and a beach front venue for the reception. I told her that I did not want a cowboy hat in my photos or in my wedding, that that was not the vibe my husband and I were going for, and it just didn’t fit either venue’s décor or environment.
A bit of a backstory – A is not in the best position financially. She was dating her boyfriend for like 2 months before she got pregnant. He promised her a better life closer to his family, she believed it, got fired from her $50k/year job, left her first child w/ her ex-husband (Child 1 was supposed to be my flower girl, whose dress we also bought,) they moved from State A to state B, they don’t make much money. They now have the newborn that they can barely afford while living in a camper.
Before A asked about the cowboy hat, she asked about jeans. I did not want denim at my wedding. Denim is not formal. She said he was going to wear the same outfit to the wedding as his grandmother’s funeral. Fine, not a big deal. I told her if they are black jeans that is fine since from a distance they will look like slacks. (I gave her an inch and she was definitely looking for that mile.) She kept going with it and I eventually said, “I did not want denim, but I made the exception for you two.” And she said “Yeah, it’s not like we could have afforded anything else anyway.” I felt the tension and left it alone for the night.
The next morning, she texted me that she was hurt, that I had an attitude basically and I’ve been acting some type of way, she again brought up the money situation. I tried to be understanding and that I know they are not in the best position financially, but a lot of my family is not, and I know a lot of people are spending quite a bit to get where we are for the wedding (about half our guests were coming from out of state.) I also said I wanted everyone to have a great time and I was sorry if I came off any type of way or insensitive. This was not good enough for her. She decided to say that a wedding was about celebrating our love and if I was focused so much on a cowboy hat my priorities were in the wrong place. I asked her what was going on because this was clearly not about a cowboy hat and she avoided answering. Also did not tell me anything else it might have been about.
She said ever since planning the wedding I have been micromanaging, acting proud, and some other accusations that made no sense. I had no idea what she was talking about because a lot of the decisions my husband and I needed to make were taken care of with both venues – food, DJ, set up, breakdown, clean up, etc. A also said she had been talking to M about the way I was behaving, and that the cowboy hat was the final straw. (What’s that even mean? If I was bothering you with things, why didn’t you tell me so I could fix it or change the way I was approaching things?)
Somewhere in the midst of this whole thing, she said her daughter (Child 1) would just be uncomfortable in her dress and wouldn’t sit still for more than 30 mins (A lie, I have been around her and she is well behaved,) and also said her boyfriend does not like to eat in front of people (Arms must be tired from all that reaching) and all around is just making excuses, trying to call my bluff about this; if the boyfriend can’t even wear the cowboy hat to the reception, then they probably just go fishing after the ceremony, and not even come to the reception. She also said we could have helped with her shoes. In many other words, I told her just because we make more than her does not mean we owe her anything and told her almost everything we were paying for. Then told me to chill and that I was probably emotional from the planning and everything going on. Basically, gaslit me when she was the one that literally threatened not to come because of a cowboy hat. She brought up money again like five more times and how they’re broke – so clearly this is about money.
Husband and I bought the dresses, fronted the Airbnb we needed to get ready in, we fronted hair & makeup without asking for anyone to pay for their portion, bought gifts, A’s plane ticket (she paid us back the next day,) and many other things for our wedding for the bride and grooms party so everyone had a good time, knew they were appreciated, and felt like the event was worth the traveling and time.
Throughout my wedding planning, I pretty much planned everything with my husband, and we asked for hardly any input from anyone since no one was really available, no one was close, and it was just easier. So the whole micromanaging comment made no sense to me. I was doing my best to be flexible and understanding of finances for A, not as much for bridesmaid 2, M, but a little. She was also in a state 3 time zones away from me, so her plane ticket was not cheap.
I have known this girl A for six years. I am crying at this point. It’s the afternoon, I have to get final headcount to the reception venue for catering THE NEXT MORNING. I am texting my mother, bridesmaid E, friend D, a group chat on messenger, and I have not told Husband yet. Every single one of them was on my side. E said, “If she is this way now before your wedding, imagine what she is going to be like on your wedding day.” And being the desperate person I was, I said to friend D “I know this is shitty and a horrible circumstance but if I needed you to be a bridesmaid, would you? The dress color and material are still available on [Vendor’s site.]” She said absolutely. I felt terrible for asking but I trusted her.
M now comes in. She was busy at work so she could not respond to the chat as much, but I was keeping a lot of the chat between A and I because I did not think M needed to be involved. A kept bringing the chat back to the group chat. She brought enough back to the group chat that M picked up on some stuff and basically agreed with A, she said I was being insensitive, and “At least she asked you before she did it.” I’m sorry, what?
Backstory for M – A few months earlier she said she was upset I did not officially ask her to be a bridesmaid and did not think it was worth it to come to my state for the wedding because it would be the second time she is here with her boyfriend but not for them; like not for their own reasons such as a vacation. We had a conversation when I started planning and I asked if she would be comfortable ordering a dress for me to see what it looked like. She said “Aww you want me to be a bridesmaid?” I said “I thought that was obvious!” So maybe it’s a thin line, but she went shopping with A and I, went to try on dresses with her, and LET US BUY HER DRESS. She could have said something beforehand that she did not want to, rather than just thinking she had to. She also was not going to be there for the rehearsal since there was a concert in her state rescheduled for two days before my wedding and she was not going to miss it. Understandable since she would have had to get up at 5 am or earlier the night after the concert to get to my state sometime Thursday evening or Friday afternoon. I did not like this, but I accepted it because she also said “I think I’ve been part of enough weddings to figure it out, -insert laughing crying emoji-
By this point husband also called me for something, I don’t remember what, but I eventually said to him “I don’t think I want either A or M to come.” He said “Okay, whatever you need to do. I’m fine at this point.” I summarized the events and he said “If you want to burn everything to the ground I don’t care, that’s fine with me.” I stewed on everything for a few hours but I knew what I had to do.
I let it sit, I said nothing else, I went to run an errand, I was on the way home, told D when the rehearsal and dinner was, asked if she could make it, she said yes. I told her to order her dress, called the florist, I told them I needed one less bouquet, and got home about 30 mins later. A few hours later I said to both A and M, basically, “You know what? Never mind. I don’t want either of you to come. This is my wedding, we are paying for everything, and I was not wrong. I do not deserve this treatment. It is not my fault A you made shitty decisions and can’t afford anything and M you planned a wedding before, how can you agree with her?” and quite a few other things. (Told them both to send back the dresses but ultimately did not end up caring and said they could do whatever they wanted with them later.) A then said I was attacking because I was frustrated. No, A. You made shit decisions and you’re taking it out on me now. M called me and I didn’t answer. (She was married before, divorced now. Whole other fucking story.)
The other kicker? A kept her flight to STILL COME SEE HER DAUGHTER and was going to need a CAR RENTAL ANYWAY, and A HOTEL ROOM with her boyfriend. So wait, was it NOT actually about money? I don’t even know anymore.
Anyway, D got her dress by Thursday or Friday the same week, we went shoe shopping a few days later, and she bought her own shoes, too.
My wedding party on my wedding day had three girls that were super supportive, loving, and made my day a whole lot easier. They were by my side, made me smile and laugh, and made the day so much more special. I have screenshots, by the way. If anyone wants them, I can attach them to a google doc and have you see them, haha. Just PM me!
TLDR; Bridesmaid didn't like that I didn't like or want a cowboy hat to a non-ranch or country themed/styled wedding and flipped out when I said no, her boyfriend could not wear one. She then said I was focusing too much on it but threatened not to come when I said no, and then gaslit me when I said I didn't want it and told me it was just a cowboy hat and that my emotions were probably all over the place from wedding planning. Bridesmaid two chimed in and agreed with her that I was being "insensitive" about it, even though husband and I fronted everything except shoes, flight, and car rental for both of them, and didn't even ask them to plan any type of bridal party or bachelorette party due to distance. Told them both nevermind, I don't deserve to be treated like I'm the enemy when I didn't do anything wrong other than say no to one thing asked.
Edit: TLDR added
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2024.05.18 20:56 Yurii_S_Kh Anatomy of sin: how adultery darkened David's mind

Anatomy of sin: how adultery darkened David's mind
Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld, “David's Repentance.”
Joab's trickery
When we read how Joab carried out David's orders, we realize: the commander disobeyed the king:
And it came to pass, when Jo´ab observed the city, that he assigned Uri´ah unto a place where he knew that valiant men were. And the men of the city went out, and fought with Jo´ab: and there fell some of the people of the servants of David; and Uri´ah the Hittite died also. (2 Sam. 11:16-17)
Joab makes Uriah's death look like an accident rather than the result of betrayal: he simply puts a warrior in the hot seat. Along with Uriah, other warriors died.
Why does Joab do things his own way and not directly fulfill David's order? On the one hand, it is obvious: as an experienced military commander, he quickly noticed the king's blunder and corrected it accordingly. On the other hand, when we read about his command to notify David of the event, we realize that Joab is not as simple a man as it may seem at first glance. What did Joab want? Let's look at the text of the commander's command to notify the king of the event:
Then Jo´ab sent and told David all the things concerning the war; and charged the messenger, saying, When thou hast made an end of telling the matters of the war unto the king, and if so be that the king's wrath arise, and he say unto thee, Wherefore approached ye so nigh unto the city when ye did fight? knew ye not that they would shoot from the wall? Who smote Abim´elech the son of Jerub´besheth? did not a woman cast a piece of a millstone upon him from the wall, that he died in Thebez? why went ye nigh the wall? then say thou, Thy servant Uri´ah the Hittite is dead also. (2 Sam. 11:18-21)
1) It is striking that Joab is clearly not trying to avoid problems. Instead of telling the story of Uriah's death right away, the commander offers to recount the entire battle.
2) Joab thinks through David's future response in great detail. This suggests a commander who is portraying the king, expressively imitating the intonation and manner of speech of royalty in anger. It is beyond the scope of this article to go into the details of why Joab puts the story of Abimelech's death into David's mouth. Here we will only note that the commander anticipates the king's reaction (as we know from the subsequent story, David did not react in the way Joab portrayed). Why did Joab need all of this?
Joab versus David
It is paramount to note that the relationship between David and Joab was hardly a good one. The warlord had despicably murdered men who were dear to the king: Abenir (2 Samuel 3 ch.) and Absalom (4 Samuel 18 ch.). After the death of Abenir, David, realizing that he was dependent on Joab, nevertheless dared to openly voice his disagreement with the warlord:
And the king said unto his servants, Know ye not that there is a prince and a great man fallen this day in Israel? And I am this day weak, though anointed king; and these men the sons of Zeru-i´ah be too hard for me: the Lord shall reward the doer of evil according to his wickedness. (2 Sam. 3:38-39)
We can assume that Joab was the most experienced strategist of his day (it was not for nothing that David put him in charge of the whole army). It is noteworthy that among the other commanders of King David were very worthy men: “Isbosef the Ahamanite, the chief of the three; he lifted up his spear against eight hundred men, and smote them once” (2 Sam. 23:8). Another, “Eleazar the son of Dodo...The Israelites went out against them, and he stood and smote the Philistines until his hand was weary and stuck to his sword. And the Lord granted a great victory that day, and the people followed him only to pick up the slain.” (2 Sam 23:9-10). Joab was a ruler over such worthy men among others. It is quite possible that Joab saw a worthy rival in David. Realizing that he could not become king, the warlord was simply trying to show his superiority over David.
Returning to the story of Joab sending a messenger to notify David of Uriah's death, we can assume that he played David's reaction to show his superiority over David: "that my actions could so easily make David mad." We do not know with what intonation, facial expressions, and gestures Joab imitated David's reaction. But it is possible that he portrayed the king's helplessness, perhaps even hysteria.
It is also worth noting here that Joab, though not directly, still obeyed the king and, in fact, gave some of the soldiers (including Uriah) to be killed. Why did he do this? It can also be explained by his cold strategic mind as a military commander. He was willing to use such an occasion to demonstrate to David his superior strategic thinking - if he had followed David's plan, the soldiers would have realized that any one of them could be in Uriah's place. In any case, the fact that Joab gives some of the soldiers to the death, fulfilling the king's orders, hardly makes him look good from a Christian moral standpoint.
Three versions of Uriah's death
When we read how the messenger at Joab's command notified the king, we realize that he is not quite listening to the warlord and lays out his own version:
And the messenger said unto David, Surely the men prevailed against us, and came out unto us into the field, and we were upon them even unto the entering of the gate. And the shooters shot from off the wall upon thy servants; and some of the king's servants be dead, and thy servant Uri´ah the Hittite is dead also. (2 Sam. 11:23-24)
Thus we have three versions of the account of the battle in which Uriah was killed. The first is that of the author of Scripture himself (2 Kings 11:16-17); the second is that of Joab (2 Kings 11:18-21), and the third is that of his messenger (2 Kings 11:23-24). Comparing them, we find differences that deserve separate attention. In the messenger's account, the arrows killed Uriah as Joab's army (which included Uriah) pursued the enemy to the gates of the besieged city. In the Scripture author's account, the enemy came out of the city, fought Joab's army, and in the course of doing so, Uriah was killed. It can be assumed that the messenger seeks to make Uriah's death as accidental as possible (no one is safe from archers) and at the same time justifiable (the troops had taken the upper hand over the enemy and in their pursuit of victory had come very close to the city). The messenger does his best not to piss David off. He realizes that it is hardly worth it to anger the king (contrary to what Joab said).
David's derangement
As we read of King David's reaction to the messenger's news, we can hardly remain indifferent:
Then David said unto the messenger, Thus shalt thou say unto Jo´ab, Let not this thing displease thee, for the sword devoureth one as well as another: make thy battle more strong against the city, and overthrow it: and encourage thou him. (2 Sam. 11:25)
Here we can see the depth of David's confusion. On the one hand, he tries to convey his speech in such a way that the messenger does not understand what is going on between the king and the commander. But the king himself does not understand what is going on: he does not know that the commander has deliberately changed his plan in order to ridicule his reckless strategy. He was waiting for news that Joab had carried out his orders: to kill one Uriah. When he heard that the commander had “failed miserably” (instead of killing one Uriah, he allowed other soldiers to die), the king decided to encourage his commander.
It is noteworthy that the author of Scripture does not tell us how the events unfolded: how the messenger reacted to David's words, how he returned to Joab, how they captured the city... But we, the readers, who realize the darkness of the events, understand one thing: David, instead of surrendering to grief and sorrow over the death of his loyal soldiers (as he had done before and would do in the case of Absalom's death), wants to encourage Joab. Instead of surrendering to anger at the commander who “badly” carried out an order, David encourages the one who, in correcting a flaw in the king's order, gives up his soldiers to die.
Every sin darkens the mind. That is why we must not think: I will sin and then repent. We don't know what happens after we sin. It is likely that David too was justifying his desire to give himself over to lust. Perhaps he too thought that afterward he would repent and all would be well. He hardly thought about the fact that he would then kill Uriah and have his firstborn son by Bathsheba die. He did everything he could to make his sin known to as few people as possible. And that only led to everyone finding out about his sin.
Sin is never worth committing. To paraphrase the apostle Paul, one of the Christian's mottos can be summarized as follows: “I will die, but I will not sin!” (Hebrews 12:4) Let us not forget that today's “petty idleness” can lead to a breeding ground for countless and shameful passions. For example, today's idleness can become shameful slander and gossip. And when we sin, we will immediately confess our sin, being broken and if possible mourning for what we have done. For the sin we have committed darkens our mind and corrupts our soul. Only sincere confession, brokenness, rethinking and change can restore the health of mind and soul after sin. May the Lord help us never to justify consenting to sin, but to really fight against sin, even to the point of shedding blood! (Hebrews 12:4)
Source: JesusPortal
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