The great gatsby daisy abuse to tom

My father was abusive. My mother left him, worked very very hard and has provided a very good life for my siblings and I. I am the oldest and every time we fight, her go to threat is that she will send me back to my father. Every time I say anything she doesn’t like, she reminds me that if it wasn’t for her I’d still be getting beaten everyday. She keeps saying she could have just left us with him and gone on to live a great life. And all this is objectively true. But having it lorded over my head every single time we argue takes an emotional toll on me that I can’t deal with anymore. She is a great mother when we don’t fight- however this ugly side of her is getting too much for me to deal with. I know my mother has worked very hard for us. But i can’t help but hate her right now.

CW: Mention of SA People like to say “at some point y’all cared and loved one another and that’s how you have a child” but that simply wasn’t true. I loved him yea but I don’t think he’s capable of loving anyone not even himself but he is great at pretending! Me and him were off and on for 3 years, I got pregnant, then he said I was ruining his life by keeping the baby, he will never make being a family work with me, I’d be a terrible mother, I was homeless when I found out and he said I deserved to be, etc. Naturally that led me to be like okay - I will do this on my own but I also have a village that will help me. At some point he changed his mind and wanted to be in our lives and was begging me the rest of my pregnancy to make it work but also belittling, disrespecting, and being an outright monster to me. The way people treat you when you’re pregnant… you just don’t forget about. I told him he can see the baby whenever he likes but I will not be with him romantically. Every week he is trying to push me to be with him, saying I’m a terrible mother for not giving the relationship a chance for the baby, etc. So the reason I even feel like getting anything off my chest comes around.. Mother’s Day. A girl finds me on instagram and asks if she can talk to me about said ex. We get on the phone and she is crying telling me she never knew he had a baby etc. etc. We put him on the call he said that she was lying and just trying to ruin his life. He had a relationship with the girl for 2 years while trying to be with me at the same time with the excuse that I “treated him terribly”. He lied to this girl and said that I knew about her, didn’t like her, and didn’t want her around my baby because she’s white??? He told this girl that I went to the club with him, drugged him, and forced him to sleep with me. Me and this girl both have a history with SA I don’t know why he would lie about that. He told her I didn’t let him see his baby, that I called CPS on him three times, that I did so many things that were not even close to true??? Then he wants to tell me she’s only telling me half the truth, he never loved her, she’s mad because he “chose” us. He was with her my entire pregnancy and told her when I was in labor that he even had a child on the way. I was alone in the hospital for 3 days after I gave birth and he was with her literally talking about how much he loves her, marrying her, making her a mom, saying having a baby doesn’t change anything etc. all while still trying to get with me. We’ve compared screenshots and experiences and it’s insane how we have no original experiences when it comes to this guy other than me having a baby. I spent the last year healing and getting over him so this was more of a shock about what he portrayed me as and confirmation that I wasn’t crazy this entire time about his weird behavior. I think what also makes me feel so uncomfortable and embarrassed is that his friends all knew and looked me in the eyes comfortably. They all call their girlfriends crazy too and red flag number one should’ve been the fact that all of his friends are cheaters. It’s been such a weird time and I’ve just been focusing on my baby and myself but he still thinks he has a chance with me. He’s acting like everything is normal and fine. The kicker is that to him he doesn’t need to apologize we are both hoes and he can have whoever he wants. This is the sparknotes version but he is a predator, emotional and physical abuser, and the textbook definition of a narcissist. My mind is blown. While my head and heart are okay my stomach and gut have been struggling. I haven’t taken the time to feel because my feelings are so conflicting and I feel this need to be strong for my baby. Now I have to walk on pins and needles and not react while I get things handled or else he reacts… psychotically. I genuinely can’t believe this is my experience.

Hi, I know this is mostly for couple relationships. But I don't know where else to post this. I can't post in aith as mostly foreigners are there
I'm 29M. I have some trouble in my family would be a major understatement. The situation is so worse that I can't explain to anyone in my real life. Situation became so dire, I left my house and staying away and my parents calling me failure and abandoner. Its a toxic household. My brother hits my parents and I end up leaving the house while my parents defend him.
3 weeks back my brother hit my father, my father started crying profusely and started to scream and saying he'll call police. I asked my brother to leave. He does but comes back and starts acting lunatically, saying he's ready to go to Jail and loose his job but he'll expose my father for what he is. They had an argument coz he's not marrying and he has a girlfriend from work living not less 200 m away in a separate society. Which has come to our house and met my parents as well. My father had a agreement with him to get married by March this year. But such a manipulator and liar he is that was another one of his delaying tactics. Or maybe he said one two many lies and this caught up to him. When my father out of anger said to him to leave the house, he shamelessly said he won't he also contributed to it. The reason behind his fearlessness was my mother as she supported it. She actually supported him hitting him and later tried to justified by saying it was a minor hit and it didn't break his bone or something.
My brother has a history, he broke my mother's hand when I was in school and he was in college first year. He wanted to stay in hostel and my parents didn't let him. I come back from tuition and witness that. Looking back at it, this fueled his shamelessness and fearlessness as all the relatives knew this and it didn't bother him later on.
My family quite disfunctional since very beginning. We have lived in major cities for most part, my father was working in government service and got transferred a lot. My elder brother (4 years elder) and I work both in metro city and lived with my family here. Father retired last year. Mother a housewife.
Now here's the issue part. My father has been a wifebeater and sole earner. Him and my mother had issues since beginning. And they generally didn't have any understanding is what I saw. Trust was less as well. Mother used to bitch about him which my elder brother took quite well and to certain extent me too, but I started to see through it few times and ramblings of a frustrated woman as my father used to like being reveled by relatives so she feared him being more involved there.
One other side of this also the relationship of my mother and elder brother, they both grew some sort of symbiotic relationship where they each were masking each other's shortcomings by excuses and became each other's negative support system.
So that was in past then as we grew up our father also matured a bit in past few years but not a lot.
Now, so far it seems like every other family's trouble. Here's the main issue, I started observing certain things since past few years which made me really irked and start to distrust my family.
I don't trust my elder brother since few years 6-7 to be precise. And he has a history of beating me as well. Something in him makes me tick. Like he's trying to treat us like he treats outsiders, for profit of his own. I don't consider him my elder brother either. While my parents always try to shame me by saying I hit him as he is my elder brother, while they themselves flaunt society's rules as they like.
Last few years, I saw some issues with myself and loneliness, one time parents asked me and my brother to come to my father's posted place as he was getting retired and help shift. When I reached I'm told they have planned(my brother and them) a trip and invited me. I hadn't taken any leaves and this was extreme short notice so I couldn't get leaves. They just thought it would be very easy for me to get it. Like I was really pissed. I stayed there alone for 1 week while taking care of their stuff.
When they came back I broke down, and cried and told about my struggles with depression, my mother at that time cried. I suggested them to start searching for a bride for me. Before all this, some stuff was already happening with regards to my brother's marriage since that past year and I wasn't on speaking terms with my brother. But I saw them berating him by saying if he doesn't get married, it will be issue for me. So I tried to calm them separately by telling them to start searching for me if he's not cooperating. Mind you I was settled financially and of age, only thing stopping them was my brother was unmarried then. I thought I had managed to make a breakthrough, and could get some support with my issues but no.
My brother had a girlfriend whom I had met and had visited my house met my parents. She ditched him for reasons only he knows and from then onwards I only saw his hippocrit facade like the way he manipulated lied to my parents about meeting with prospects and finding excuses to not get married. He wasn't interested, just kept delaying and this kept frustrating my parents. He also blamed his failed relationship on my father as he said something angrily along the lines of him hitting his girlfriend when he was angry as he witnessed his father do that all his life.
This caused fights too, sometime I got involved as well. Like he threw food plate at my mother and I intervened. I had to say some harsh stuff and fight ensued. Physical too. This has been an recurring phenomenon.
My parents are no saint either. My father last year beat my mother at age of 60 no less. Like I said very disfunctional family.
After my heart to heart with my parents, they completely forgot about it. They say they didn't but they did. They never mentioned one girl, didn't even make JS/Shaadi profile for me. Look the issue is not that marriage was biggest priority for me. But that it wasn't even a priority for them when I specifically said about it.
Now another tragedy happened. I got laid off. I didn't utter a word. Then in between 6 months later from that talk they stuck me with the most shameless question ever asked by them. They tell me they had it enough with my brother's bullshit and wanted to search for me. I was almost about to lose it. But at that point I was at very low coz of my job situation and was seriously doubting my luck. Still am. Been doubting since Covid. I made up some excuse to make them lose interest in it.
Then some months later in another fight I brought it up and gave them an earful.
During all this I tried leaving my house twice for good. One time I actually rented a place. One time I gave an ultimatum that he leaves or I leave but my parents somehow convinced me to stay. Toxicity was through the roof. Parents fighting often, quite on the edge of physicality, my mother doesn't hold bapck a bit if we are around. My father is I feel is semi bipolar always on ego trip. And my brother a lying manipulator angling for his gains.
This time I couldn't hold back and decided to leavd I won't come back at all. I offered to take my father too. I declared my mother's case hopeless as the way she behaved after my brother hit my father and proudly berated him shamelessly like she felt someone took revenge of all those years of beatings and shame she got. While I held my head in shame by looking at what was unfolding. I couldn't hold back and abused them for their behavior. These shameless people started coming at me.
I was irked at the fact that my brother had his girlfriend living in the neighborhood and she used to come and visit and my folks weren't least bit bothered as they thought these guys were getting married. When in fact my folks had not even talked with her parents. Only with her elder sister who was doing a love marriage inter caste after threatening to take poison. So my mother was like believe in love an all that crap and talk about social and family values too. I am not conservative I met his first girlfriend before anyone else in family. But this was too much, if you are such big into love and family values and keeping appearance in society then marry and end it. Apparently the girl wanted to marry only after elder sister marries, so society rules exist for her but not for my family.
All this combined I stated my discomfort shared an ultimatum that he should leave and stay separately till his matter is resolved. My mother and brother came at me. They called me failure and said I was jealous of him cause of my failures to secure a person in my life. So I realised my mother was with him
I know this is too much but coz of this I left and this time I thought I was leaving with my father's blessings, but I was wrong that was just momentary coz of his anger after getting beaten by my brother.
I have been living away now for few weeks just few km away. So that I can go back if required but now the tune of my parents have changed completely. They are calling me deserter coz I left house. How can I live in that toxic family household ? And a lot of other things, as I can't help but scream at their shamelessness.
I wish old age days come back coz then you could call few relatives to sort things out. Or atleast discuss who's wrong, here they justify their doings as everyone is doing it in society, everyone fights, everyone's a little shameless so its fine. While I can't just become ostrich and deal with things when it strictly affects me. My brother's actions deeply affected me. I was depressed and had to deal with it alone, coz my parents were too busy with his bullshit and then I saw their real self. Lots of stuff I haven't mentioned here. Like how my own father defended him getting beaten as his own fruits of his deeds to defend my brother. That broke the straw for me and made me realise he was the favorite son for both of them. No amount of his shameful deeds can change it. And they will bend backwards to justify it.
Worst part is which I can't shake off, I called them selfish, shameless, mental and stupid fools who got cheated by their own son. They are equating it with my brother's beatings. Saying I'm equally as deplorable as him, as its equal as beating. In which world ?
Am I the asshole ? Should I continue on my path. Discussions and talks with my parents result in screamings as I need a neutral party as they changed the rules of civil society to fit their narrative as society has changed so its fine as everyone does it. I told them if they can find even one person their age group who thinks I'm wrong I'll come back and apologise. They told me they have no interest in getting laughed at and this happens everywhere. And I am equally guilty for abusing them. I can't take it any more. Is staying in family means becoming like then ? Is that the rule ?
My family is saying to come back and stay there and my brother will leave after getting married, saying I'm equally guilty in this as I also said harsh stuff. How is happening in this shitty world ? I send money every month and will continue to do so. Just can't live at that sham place. I have lost complete trust in society if these are my parents.
Edit: today has been extremely shitty day. I thought they would have realised by now their shame and hippocrissy. Apparently the reason my brother is such a good manipulator and liar is coz he knows my parent's weakness, they want the appearance of great family and will go to great lengths to mask it. Hence me saying stuff about my brother and they try to bring me down to his level so I'll stop making noise about it.
TLDR: Left toxic family where brother hits father. Has history of hitting me and mother too. Parents fight too physically and defend him and his actions. And asking me to stay in that environment.

This is a long-winded post, but please bear with me. Okay jumping in…..so, I have this friend. She's 28, totally gorgeous, kinda became successful at a very young age, transplanted to the U.S. from another country when she was 19 to start working more seriously, etc.
She had a serious boyfriend for 3½ years. It seemed like they were soulmates to the rest of us in their friendship circles. After a few months we were all pretty close-knit, since their two friend groups spilled into each other. We did everything together, all the time. Dinners at each other's' houses, going to bars/restaurants, concerts, road trips, etc. Pretty quickly into that relationship my friend basically adopted her boyfriend's passions of photography and hiking into being her own. Let me also say.. this dude was a blue-collar working guy in the same field as her, 7 years older than she, and she was far more “successful” than he was. Didn't matter, they were genuinely in love. Posting each other's photos on Instagram all the time, constantly bringing each other up in conversations, etc.
Things were going well, until 2 years ago. After my friend and her boyfriend went away on separate jobs for a month….. she came back to town in love with her new “coworker”. Totally left-field, and all of us who were mutual friends of the two were shocked by this. No one had any inkling of a problem between them. All we got when we asked what happened was a “well things change, but, we're still staying friends”. Obviously, to those of us who are their friends, something seemed shady about what went down and we couldn't put our finger on what it could be. Sure, people fall out of love, or things run their course, but this was far too random and the timing was so odd. Neither one is religious, neither cares about marriage, non-abusive, they're both liberal, etc. So there was literally no signs of any troubles on that front.
The guy my friend has been with for the past two years since is a great person. Very funny dude, and a sweetheart. Would give someone the shirt off of his back. He's also more successful than she is in her same field, and is only 4 years older. We friends all like him well enough, but the friendship group dynamics have shifted considerably, obviously. Within months of the shocking breakup two years ago, she immediately co-opted this new guy's friend circle as her own, and some of us were kinda left out in the cold for a little while. Gradually she started to include us into the new guy's group, and we all get along well…. But, there's also a weird tension now that wasn't there before. We all feel it.
When a handful of us friends from her group run into mutual friends of her ex, we always wonder amongst ourselves what happened with their relationship…. The ex, still an awesome dude in his own right, hasn't really gotten over the breakup. He says he's doing fine and all that, but we can tell he isn't the same. Granted it has been two years, but his photos of my friend are still on his instagram, along with all of his romantic comments to her from years ago. He throws himself into his job, travels, but when he is home, he just stays inside or goes on long hikes with one other person. My friend still follows him and she likes his posts sometimes, but from what I'm told from his own best friends is that when they've talked since the break-up it's very superficial…. Surface-level conversations with no real substance.
For a year after the breakup, my friend kept talking nostalgically about her past - like it was so distant. Age 19, with a great job, running around L.A. with new friends, etc. She would bring up that back then she felt like an “adult” and was sure of who she was….but since then, she's realized she has no clue who she is and wants to find herself. This kind of talking set off alarm bells with a few of us in her circle, and we sort of felt like maybe there is more to our friend than we realize. She really dove into the relationship with the guy she is with now, and I think it's fair to say the ex was discarded. At least that's the vibe a couple of us have post-breakup.
She doesn't post anything with the guy she's with now. Or, she does… but she doesn't tag him in the photos (and they're long shots from far away). She rarely posts him, and vice versa. The last time I think they posted each other was on their Instagram story on Valentine's Day months ago. Yet, oddly, since she's started dating him she's come out of her “shell” more and is behaving in a much more ambitious outgoing way than she was with the ex. Again, it is like she is adopting her boyfriend’s traits into her own.
I guess the discussion I'd like to have is… is my friend a usemanipulator with a mental illness? Is she capable of being “happy”, or is she bad news? Sure, millions of people have broken up for a multitude of reasons. Maybe she genuinely just wasn't into the ex anymore… but people don't just fall out of love at random and discard someone they say is their soulmate for another man within a month’s time. I'm talking all-in on the relationship with this newer guy, yet she doesn't post it publicly like the previous one, and she keeps us at arm’s length sometimes from him and his friends. One of our mutual buddies, who is more outspoken and is about to end their friendship with her, thinks she's just “recharging her batteries” and will end up discarding this guy as well in a year or two. We're thinking about talking to her about all of this soon.
She's always seemed like such a great friend and an empath. But, given her behavior over the past two years, some of us are wondering if we should continue being friends with her. Breaking up with someone you're “soulmates” with and getting someone new within a month and going 100% all-in… to me just screams emotional immaturity and that she probably has unrealistic expectations of what she wants in someone. Like she traded the ex dude for someone who had a piece of what she thinks she's looking for. Or do you redditors think she likely got bored, and longed for the early honeymoon period of sunshine and rainbows again with someone else (which is selfish/narcissistic)
Please be nice in your responses. Thanks. :)

Hi all, from Citizens Advice: You could get back 1 to 3 times the amount you paid if your landlord didn't: give you the 'prescribed information' - this is information landlords must give tenants, including details about the property and your deposit.
Our previous London landlord did not supply us with the prescribed information re our deposit. I won't go into detail, but he was abusive and threatened to beat us up, etc. and was overall a really poor experience.
Predictably, he fabricated evidence and invoices and tried to keep almost all our deposit and we had to fight it for months. That was finally resolved via arbitration, mostly in our favour; and we received most of it back.
We've now read the above information from CA but cannot find clearly online how best to pursue this. The landlord technically failed to give the information twice: first when we moved in - and then again when he increased rent on us and we had to sign a new tenancy agreement with a larger deposit.
From my understanding of the following information, that entitles us to 2-6 times our deposit:
The case of Superstrike Ltd v Rodrigues in 20131 , found that any statutory periodic tenancy automatically arising upon the expiry of any fixed-term AST (by virtue of S.5 of the 1988 Act), is in effect a new tenancy, and thus any deposit having been given for its predecessor is found to have been also given in respect of the new periodic tenancy. Accordingly, any non-protection of the deposit after the first 30 days of either the fixed-term tenancy or the new statutory periodic tenancy will entitle the tenant to make a double claim for a penalty award (i.e. in respect of each failure).
Any help would be greatly appreciated. This landlord cost my wife and I a large amount of money throughout the whole tenancy and we'd like to get some of that back.
Thank you so much.

Hi all, from Citizens Advice: You could get back 1 to 3 times the amount you paid if your landlord didn't: give you the 'prescribed information' - this is information landlords must give tenants, including details about the property and your deposit.
Our previous London landlord did not supply us with the prescribed information re our deposit. I won't go into detail, but he was abusive and threatened to beat us up, etc. and was overall a really poor experience.
Predictably, he fabricated evidence and invoices and tried to keep almost all our deposit and we had to fight it for months. That was finally resolved via arbitration, mostly in our favour; and we received most of it back.
We've now read the above information from CA but cannot find clearly online how best to pursue this. The landlord technically failed to give the information twice: first when we moved in - and then again when he increased rent on us and we had to sign a new tenancy agreement with a larger deposit.
From my understanding of the following information, that entitles us to 2-6 times our deposit:
The case of Superstrike Ltd v Rodrigues in 20131 , found that any statutory periodic tenancy automatically arising upon the expiry of any fixed-term AST (by virtue of S.5 of the 1988 Act), is in effect a new tenancy, and thus any deposit having been given for its predecessor is found to have been also given in respect of the new periodic tenancy. Accordingly, any non-protection of the deposit after the first 30 days of either the fixed-term tenancy or the new statutory periodic tenancy will entitle the tenant to make a double claim for a penalty award (i.e. in respect of each failure).
Any help would be greatly appreciated. This landlord cost my wife and I a large amount of money throughout the whole tenancy and we'd like to get some of that back.
Thank you so much.

Greetings everyone, praying for a good day for you all!
As you can tell this is abit of a long one XD.
This happened over a year ago but it still haunts and torments me to this day, and is the first time I've told anyone else about it.
There's some context I believe that's necessary to better understand everything going on, going into this situation.
Have been having some issues at a board gaming group with a ex gf I met there.
Please don't take mine or her side. Don't harass, gaslight, insult or generally be cruel towards me about this XD. Have more then a lifetime of that don't want anymore. No one does. Don't assume you know how she's thinking or how I'm thinking, or who's right or wrong.
You don't know her, you don't know me, you weren't there for any of it. Do not assume.
I just want to find a peaceful solution to this problem and for her to stop antagonizing me, her actions cause me insane amounts of stress, anxiety, panic attacks. To the point where I almost have hypertension attacks, where my body goes numb, I can't breathe, and I die!! Horray!! :^D
Even typing this right now I'm having a panic/stress attack.
The amount of courage and energy it's taking me to type this and seek help is very painful.
She was someone I met through the boardgaming group.
I had just had a group of individuals spread sexual harassment gossip and rumors about me and get me kicked out of a Creator Space, another board gaming group and banned from a boardgaming store.
I walked in one day to play Gloomhaven as usual with 2 friends when the owner started yelling and screaming at me to leave the shop immediately or he was going to call the police to have me forcibely removed. I was not told ahead of time of my banning despite being on their discord and having spoken and seen their employees before on a few occasions.
Apparently one of the workers at the store was friends with someone who was accusing me of sexual harassment and spreading lies about me, and that I was silently banned from their discord and store without having been notified ahead of time.
Never once did the store owner or anyone else at the store contact me to get my side of the story before judging the situation.
I was guilty until proven innocent, which they didn't even give me the chance of proving my innocence.
Never had I been more abused or mistreated in my whole life then in that one moment.
Very humorously enough the only good person and friend I made from the Gloomhaven group when he listened to my side of the story believed me! Everyone who listened to me believed me while those who judged me without even talked to me didn't. Weird huh?
Sorry to go off on a tangent, but this is just background to me joining the new boardgaming group and the insane amount of depression and anxiety I was battling and currently still do.
I was insanely nervous and deeply depressed going into the new group, and terrified that news might spread and that I might get cruely kicked out of the new one which luckily did not happen.
It meets up in a church basement, and the fact that I can leave food and drink there, and that it isn't noise or loud or triggers my tinnitus or anxiety is great.
But some drama did occur around me on the discord related to other stuff that did make the "in" group of people dislike and have grudges against me!
So just a very tricky and complicated situation.
After our split up she now seems to antagonize me constantly if I happen to be there when she is there. In very passive aggressive ways.
After we split ways I was hoping to stay friends, but I don't know she herself comes from a abusive family background, with her parents being divorced and seeing different people among other things. One day I texted her a image of a Eclipse 2nd Dawn of the Galaxy supplement that had arrived at 6 or 7am and she blew up about it saying it was way too weird of a hour to message someone about this, despite her being the only person I've ever talked to that had a problem with this despite this being a very common thing for most people, and blocked my number.
Since then I've tried to be as loving and kind as possible not talking to her, avoiding eye contact, generally being as passive as I can. But that's still not enough for her.
I really believe she's trying to bully, cold shoulder me out of the boardgame group despite the fact I get along with almost everyone there and it's the only one that has worked for me.
There was a campaign I was with with her when we were playhing a campaign board game, and she would yell and strictly criticize any little mistake I would make in front of everyone all the time.
There was a time when there was some leftover food in the kitchen from a thanksgiving meal that I was given persmission to layout and share with everyone. I found some paper plates to use and she harshly yelled at me that we weren't allowed to use them. We only had styrofoam at that point and I was trying to find microwaveable plates to use. I went to someone else and asked if I could use the paper plates and he said totally. She was right there too, and she never apologized to me.
Good thing we had paper plates and people could heat their food!
Just the other night I was playing a game of Nemesis with some guys, and one of them happens to have the same name as me.
She came over and constantly just kept saying his name not differentiating between the two of us, despite the face she's called me by the same name multiple times. Continuing to ignore me and engage with everyone else there as if I don't exist. She knows how much it hurts me to say our exact names without differentiating.
It might not be a problem for some people, but for me it's very confusing and heart wrenching.
My Dad recommended we both get nicknames to make differentiating us easier and less painful.
I just don't want to create any more drama for anyone and the group, and maybe approach the other guy who shares a name with me about this issue.
Even he I feel can tell he's being thrown in the middle of something he has nothing to do with.
If anyone would have some kind, loving, empathetic advice I would greatly appreciate it. :^)

Good evening all,
This is my second post in one day, and I have so much respect for everyone on this forum, the advice is great.
My girlfriend (30f) has a 12 year old son. It took me (27m) a long time to accept that the woman I love has a son and what it would mean for me and I understand everything that comes with it. The father has never been in the picture and hasn’t communicated or spoken to the child since birth.
However, my girlfriend has an ex of 8 years that was around since around the birth. He doesn’t live in the country and is visiting London soon and has requested to see the boy and she accepted - I wasn’t a part of the decision making. I think what makes me uneasy are the stories about this person, the fact that he used to mentally abuse her during the relationship, and a bunch of other negative things. What also makes me uneasy is that the ex isn’t even the boys father, so why would you want to continue a relationship? In the future, if I end up marrying this girl, what would the relationship be with me and the boy, this ex and the boy and all of these other things.
Am I being unreasonable to feel uneasy? What would you do if you women were in a similar position? What advice would you give someone like me?
The fact that I don’t have any children makes it hard for me to understand. I’m trying to avoid confrontation before I have this conversation.
Thank you 🙏🏼 🤍

Life is supposed to be a 'gift' because of the great relationships (familial or romantic) and friendships we can have.
However, I get little net benefit out of any of these. I'm not talking 'benefit' like money or anything - I'm talking on a purely emotional, connection level. Both of my parents, particularly my father, were abusive. I have a dissociative disorder because of my dad's neglect. I have an eating disorder because of my mother (on 32nd day of water fasting, thanks mum!)
Then there's the romantic 'options' we women have - men have made sex & the visual their entire personality. You're supposed to be grateful for the bare minimum. While the majority of people understand that fathers are neglectful en masse, we haven't, as a society, recognised that straight men have emotionally neglected straight women en masse (because they only care about sex or what they can take - what should be the absolute basics of a relationship - emotional connection and conversation - are seen as 'luxuries' that women are lucky to have, and sure to lose imminently when they turn 30!). I refuse to put 'not all men'. If the moderators remove this, idc. I'm going to write objective truths - if it's removed, then it's just censorship.
Then there's friends. In the same way I'm turned off having relationships because of how misogynistic/low effort men are, I'm also turned off having friendships with women because of how allistic they are to the patriarchy. Even on Reddit, I'll be scrolling through so-called 'feminist' subreddits and it's all about women supposedly being 'empowered' by hook-up culture.. Meanwhile, complaining that men ghost them after sex (which is r*pe, btw). Apparently, we can't put two-and-two together... If you stop engaging in a culture that was obviously created by men, for men, then they'll have to become better partners or gth. Unfortunately, real feminism is sacrilegious nowadays, due to neoliberalism.
I had some amazing friends in school, but even then, to access my friends I had to ensure extreme bullying from others. Whenever something positive happens, I seem to have to endure knives from all other angles to keep 'access' to it, if that makes sense.
Trauma (from r*pe, abuse and my eating disorder) has fundamentally changed my brain. I have a permanent (thus far) dissociation disorder, rather than periodic episodes of it. I can't connect to anyone, and now I can see that those relationships did not serve me whatsoever. The only relationships I valued were my school friends, who I accidentally ghosted in the 'pushing everyone away' phase of PTSD. I feel too awkward to reach out to them now.
Given that the brain often 'checks out' of emotional connection in response to trauma... It's almost like we know deep down that these relationships are fraught with risk.
What I'm going to say now is quite radical:
We don't actually 'need' connections. Many animals live a solitary life. We evolved to 'need' connections because it was evolutionarily beneficial - it helped us to survive. Antinatalism seems like a good place to post this, because many of us reject the notion that 'what's natural is good' - a naturalistic fallacy. Indeed, many related subreddits discuss how morbid 'mother nature' is.
I argue that a great number of people are actually hurt by our 'need' for connection - particularly in the familial and romantic sense (most parents are quite cruel, and most partners are abusive or cheaters). Even when it comes to friendships, we're deathly afraid of social rejection and bullying is part-and-parcel of everyday life. And don't get me started with 'colleagues'.
I read a great article that said "society is inherently violent, because everyone is trying to control other people." I think this is a great summary of the life we're thrust into - the unique miseries that humans experience, unlike other species. Interacting with people seems to be overwhelmingly fraught with risk with little return, just as dating men as a straight woman is.
I would be quite happy living in solitude, but my biology betrays me. I become lonely and depressed, even though I am free from miseries. There's no actual -reason- for this depression - humans naturally become depressed from loneliness if we have too much solitude, because of our evolutionary drive to survive. Someone like me doesn't actually even miss the interactions!
And that leads me to a final point: I think the evolutionary process is the cause of much pain we have to endure. It's a barrier to antinatalism (we have a biological drive to reproduce - I would love to be a mother, but logically I could never bring a child into the world). It pushes me to try to date men when I objectively get nothing out of it. It pushes me to socialise when I'm actually very content in my own company, until my brain betrays me. etc. etc.
Anticipating some replies: "but we do need to interact sometimes to survive!" Agreed, but we don't necessarily need connections or relationships. I'm a doctor - I'm not besties with people who come to me for a scan. I do it because I care about peoples' wellbeing in general, and I'm paid for it.
Just to reiterate that this does link to AN: I don't think life is worth it because we have pain baked-in, due to the evolutionary process; we humans have to endure unique miseries because of our 'need' for socialising; and, in life, you either have to accept abuse/harassment/cheating from your relationships or be alone, which, as detailed above, our brains and bodies are allergic to needlessly.
I'm a bit weary of rule number 5: 'no venting or lamenting' lol - I'm not sure how I can discuss things that make me AN without venting a little. I prefer to call it 'giving a detailed explanation'. a. These adjacent, related issues make me feel AN -> b. Here's a detailed explanation as to why that is the case. I hope I've at least clarified how it links to AN.

I'm currently rewatching Voyager and watched Future's End last night. Overall a great two-parter.
However, I was wondering why Tom didn't take Rain to the Voyager, given how she already knew way too much about the crew due to her interactions with Tom, Tuvok and Doc.

Hi, I hope it’s okay for me to write here? I saw there was a sub specifically for those with loved ones with BPD but the description immediately threw me off (group for those who have suffered ‘challenges’ and ‘abuse’ at the ‘hands of those with bpd’)… it sounded kind of like there was no room for growth or like people with BPD aren’t just humans who deserve as much love and patience as anyone else?
Anyways — I understand where my boyfriend is coming from when he talks to me about BPD symptoms partially because I have ADHD and experience heavy limerence. I was his FP and he was my limerent object, so we’re kind of hooked in that way, but have mutually agreed to NEVER step on each others toes or cut the other off from external relationships.
I understand the jealousy. Seriously, I do. I get the feeling of rationally knowing a mutual friend poses no threat to your relationship but still feeling antsy and bitter and hating yourself for it. He’s felt sort of apprehensive about someone in our life (old friend of his, new one of mine). It’s ironic because I literally used to be jealous of this person too and I forced myself to befriend them and now we’re great pals.. 😭
He’d gotten pretty emotional while I was trying to talk to him about this.. I don’t want them to be friends if that’s not what he wants — but it kind of just makes me have this pit in my stomach being the reason they aren’t friends anymore. He experiences his feelings regarding BPD super strongly, but always says he knows some of his thoughts are unhealthy and that he never wants to restrain or keep me all to himself. He shows a great amount of self-awareness and maturity and a will to grow, so I really seriously want to make an honest effort to help him. But during this heated conversation he said something super possessive and honestly a little concerning that made me scared. It felt super impulsive — I told him I wasn’t mad and understood how he was feeling, but that his comment made me anxious and that I wanted to talk in the morning when we were both a little more composed. He said that he was sorry and that he didn’t mean it — and that was the end of our conversation.
I guess I’m just kind of antsy about it. In literally every other conversation we’ve had he’s not once shown any sort of unhealthy possessiveness over me. It definitely felt like a charged and unrealistic statement — not a real threat or something I worry about. It was just kind of harsh and slightly triggering and I wonder how I should discuss it with him. I’ve never been offput by anything he’s ever said before.
I don’t want this to be a ‘strike’ against him or anything though. We’re both hurting and I’m DEFINITELY am not his therapist nor do I ever want to take that role but I refuse to give up on someone I love wholeheartedly just because he’s struggling mentally. He’s been showing me nothing but patience and love and respect for my boundaries regarding my own mental issues and I want to show him that same love. That doesn’t mean I won’t advocate for myself or be blunt with him if I need to be.. I just really want to help support him as much as I can.

Hello, this is my (21f) first time posting on Reddit. I don’t know how long these are supposed to be, so I’m really sorry if I wrote too much. Also please forgive any spelling or grammar errors. I'm hoping someone has also gone through what I am experiencing and could give some advice or direct me towards resources that could be helpful. First, I need to say that therapy is unfortunately not an option for me. I cannot afford it and my insurance does not cover it; also, my parents are extremely against therapy, and I am financially dependent on them. Despite this, I am aware I am struggling mentally in different ways, so I have sought out different free resources such as mutual aid groups. I still wanted to share my feelings because maybe someone has felt the same way and can share what they have done to help. This is an extremely brief background, but I grew up in a household where I experienced and witnessed physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. The first two relationships I ever had were very toxic, where the only interest they showed in me was sexual, and both these relationships ended due to me being cheated on. After these, I have struggled with low self-esteem and confidence in myself. I have been dating my current boyfriend, John (23m), for about 7 months. Although this isn’t a long time, we have been friends for a few years, and I can confidently say he is the greatest person I have ever met. He also has been cheated on multiple times, so it’s something we understand about each other. I know he would never cheat on me. Since we started dating, he has shown me love in a way I have never experienced. Every day, he tells me he loves me, brings me my favorite snacks when I am sad, fills up my car with gas because I don’t like to do it, buys me flowers, takes me on dates, speaks to me in the kindest way possible and so much more. He has said he is not always the best at expressing himself, but he wants to show me love in the ways he can. He is an extremely soft and kind person, and I admire him so much. John is very introverted and has clinical depression and anxiety, which can be difficult, but I am always there to support him. Despite him treating me so well, I often find myself unhappy and anxious. John is not a sexual person, he’s explained, probably due to the antidepressants he’s been on for two years. We have sex about two times a month, which is probably very normal and healthy, but it’s so different from my past relationships where sex was expected almost every day. In the beginning of the relationship, there was very brief sexting, nude sending, and sexy talk, but he’s pretty much shut that down and said he isn’t comfortable with it. Ofc I respect his boundaries, so anything he has said he is not comfortable with I have not brought up. I do not push him to do anything he does not want to do. He compliments my personality all the time but not my looks very often. About a month ago, I told him I was struggling with self-esteem, and I asked him to compliment me more because I don’t feel beautiful to him. He did start saying that I’m “cute” or “pretty” more, which I appreciate; however, I still feel unattractive to him. When we do have sex, he often doesn’t finish and I have tried my best to hide that sometimes that makes me feel bad about myself. I think he’s picked up on this, however, because now he apologizes to me when he can’t finish. I feel awful that he feels the need to apologize for something like that. I rationally know this is probably mostly due to his antidepressants but I still end up feeling horrible. In the beginning, I would make the first move, but I could tell that stressed him out so now I just wait until he wants to have sex with me. When we do it’s very routine and it almost makes me feel like he’s doing it out of obligation. I know in his past relationships he sent nudes and was more experimental with sexual things but that was before he was on medication. I don’t feel good about myself until we have sex. I feel pathetic because sometimes it feels like I’m just waiting for him to make a move. Sometimes I wonder if I would feel better about myself if he was objectifying me. Despite all the love he shows me I only feel loved when we are having sex. There have been 2 or 3 times we had sex where it genuinely felt passionate, and I believe we were drunk for them. I tried to tell him that I only feel attractive when we have sex but since then, I feel like we’ve had sex even less frequently. The last time we were together I tried to kiss him a few times and he didn’t kiss back; I got really upset and had to tell him I was feeling sick, so he didn’t see me cry. I usually feel really depressed when we haven’t had sex in a few weeks. I feel disgusting about myself during this time. Has anyone ever experienced something similar? Personally, I wish we had sex more often, but I only want him to be comfortable, so I want to try to deal with these feelings. Is this sex addiction? What do I say to him? I am scared to have this conversation again because I don’t want to drain him. I feel I might be experiencing anxious attachment along with this. What have people done to get over this? When I become sad over this I tend to draw back from him. I’m afraid he’s noticing that I become sad over this and it will start to hurt our relationship. He is so good to me I want to treat him the way he deserves.
TLDR:
My (21f) boyfriend (23m) treats me great but isn’t a sexual person. He has depression and has been on antidepressants for 2 years. I struggle to feel beautiful and desired despite the love he shows me. I only feel loved when we have sex. I am afraid this will hurt our relationship because Im finding it harder to hide my pain and anxiety. What do I do to get over this? How do I talk to him about it?

I keep thinking about my experience in academia (Ph.D. and postdoc), an unsuccessful attempt to escape and how I dug my grave with my own hands.
I keep reading about recent developments in US biotech industry and its has been absolutely disheartening. The job market right now is awful and it has not bottomed out.
I cannot help, but thinking how did I arrive at this point and what could I have done to save myself???
I am speaking here about my experience in life sciences. I hope that the situation is better in other areas, but life sciences are absolutely over-saturated, over-flowing and under-paid area of STEM, probably along with chemistry.
Long time ago, after 1 year into the Ph.D. program, I got a weird feeling. I quietly approached people in the lab, with whom I was on friendly terms and they confirmed my worst expectations. Essentially, the unspoken (and un-communicated!!!) assumption was that after a year or so a Ph.D. student should show to the PI outstanding results, worthy of publication in "Nature", "Science" etc. Obviously, with no help, no guidance, no support. The PI did not want to tarnish his academic CV with publications in low- or medium-impact journals! So, if you could not show a potential for a publication in "Nature" (or similar journal), the PI would simply lose interest in you and "dis-own" you. This meant no support of any kind, no interest in your defense and no recommendation letter. Nothing! I saw this done to several people in our group. The PI tried (in some cases very successfully) to sabotage careers of his subordinates.
Remainder of my Ph.D. was absolute mental torture. I knew that without support of the PI I had not a single chance for academic career. Basically, academic career was dead for me. Every day I experienced a mental torture of senseless work. I knew that it was absolutely pointless to continue my Ph.D. The project was going nowhere. The PI lost all interest. By then I knew very well, how competitive and cutthroat was academia. I could have just sat in my office, collected stipend for another year or more and walked away. There was no point of doing anything. It was like digging a hole in the ground and then filling it back with same soil. Again and again and again! Every day! Coming to the lab, doing senseless work, knowing that it was all meaningless and continue doing it over and over -- just to have something to put in the thesis. This experience crippled me to the point that now I absolutely cannot stand any meaningless work.
I defended my Ph.D. and somehow got a postdoc in a shitty lab. 3 years of my postdoctoral experience could be described by one word: abuse! Constant lies, gaslighting, micromanagement, disrespect, threats, being underpaid, being overworked. I clearly remember that I cried because I did not have a courage to commit suicide.
I tried to seek on-line, on various forums advice on how to get out of this situation. To put it short, I was "trolled" and bullied by academics to the point of mental meltdown.
Recently I tried to find a career coach / mentor. Needless to say, my search was unsuccessful. There is no help out there! Sure, there are people that gladly will take your money in return to sugarcoated fluff. But that's it!
I have been thinking a lot about career coaching / career guidance. You know what? Absence of good advice / a lot of bad advice was, probably, a final "death blow" to my aspirations.
First of all, I did not understand how hiring works and no one explained it to me. It is not that there is a great mystery about hiring, it is that no one ever explained it to me. Secondly, I falsely believed that I could capitalize on Ph.D. itself and a set of so called "transferable skills". Lie! No one hires based on transferrable skills! Transferable skills == soft skills. If you have only transferable skills = soft skills, you can get a job of an admin assistant. Because you need good communication skills and critical thinking when scheduling meetings and taking minutes. But! If you have transferable skills and a Ph.D., you will NOT get a job of admin assistant, because you are "over-qualified".
I always knew that my Ph.D. in molecular biology was completely worthless! Yes, I had to learn every single method and protocol myself, without any help! Yes, I worked 60 hr and 80 hr weeks. But you cannot put this on resume and hope that HR will value it. Even today, years after I completed my Ph.D., I can explain every single methods and every single experiment that I did. Because I did everything on my own, without any help!!! I should be proud of myself, but I actually hate myself -- because I cannot sell it. Because market values "rock-stars", because market values what's trendy and what's in demand!
I was led astray by all this trash advice about "customizing your resume" and "highlighting transferrable skills". I have missed an opportunity of a lifetime!!! 5 or 6 years ago people, who attended coding bootcamps, could actually get a job as a programmer!!! Yes, not too long ago employers were actually scooping people, who completed coding bootcamps!!! That would have been my chance of getting the hell out of academia. I had a gut feeling that my Ph.D. was a complete waste of time, I suspected that I need to write-off Ph.D. as a loss and re-educate myself completely to have a chance! And I have missed an opportunity of a lifetime to learn how to code, to get into bootcamp, to get an entry-level coding job and move on from there. Now there are ongoing layoffs in tech and job market is flooded with junior coders. The gates are closed.
Instead, I wasted my time tinkering / customizing my resume and thinking how to sell "transferrable skills". Wrong, wrong, wrong! I do not think that anything like it will ever come again. When you can teach yourself, when you can get through the bootcamp and get into a field with good pay and career growth!!!
To all people out there: I cannot stress enough, watch out for bad advice!!! Look for a good advice -- its worth it's weight in gold!

My Grandmother is a Caucasian, 70 year old woman, no medication, probably between 4’11- and 5’1, about 160 lbs ( Not sure, she’s got thin arms and legs, and while her body isn’t thin, it’s not really heavyset. She has no problem with her mobility, maybe just slower walking, has a bad hip but refuses to take any medication of any kind for any reason, and is a HUGE chain smoker. Probably one or two packs a day. This would explain her infrequent but still noticeable, phlegmy cough from time to time.
I don’t know everything about her past but I know some: One of seven children, parents used to scream a lot, she used to cry in bed with her sister when it happened, told me she stayed away from home as much as she could, started smoking at about 12 years old, got pregnant with my dad at 15, became a mom at 16, by all accounts was the best mom ever, biking, reading, dancing, encouraging my dad to try new things, but still moved around a lot, and kept going from house to house, to trailer, etc.
When she was about early 20s, she met and married a guy who she later divorced because they had a kind of culture clash. I don’t remember exactly what he was, but he was very controlling of her, forbidding her to wear swimsuits, or going anywhere without him, and eventually he threatened her several times with knives and a hand around her neck. Never did anything but she was afraid of knives for a very long time afterwards.
She met my grandpa, and I guess things were fine until after she had my aunt. Sometime after she was away from home as much as she could by way of bingo.This led to her using what she could out of her own paychecks until she came after my grandpa’s, who let her. He sold stuff around the house and eventually asked people for money. Sometime after being married to my grandpa she randomly developed night terrors and sleepwalking. Full on waking up and screaming, full on walking outside and screaming. I guess it just stopped. Was controlling of my aunt, didn’t want her trying new foods, didn’t go out or do fun things with her like she did with my dad.
Nowadays it is well known that nobody wants to live with her, but she’s not like abusive or stealing. But here is what we have noticed:
Heavy chain smoker. It doesn’t look like she even finishes them, she goes like halfway, stops, lights a new one.
Can’t or won’t sit and watch a movie or show. Will start one, get up and do laundry, take care of the dog, check her phone, play on her phone, and will full on have a conversation with you or someone when she was the one who wanted to watch the movie.
Frequent gambler. We just went on a cruise to place she’s always wanted to go and she spent a good chunk either smoking or gambling.
Very annoyed with the smells or steam of foods to the point where she’ll complain or get up and move. My grandpa famously only had seafood twice while married to her and he loved seafood.
Very irritable if she goes a while without a cigarette. She was pretty rude in the airport.
Gets annoyed easily when starting to board or get off the plane. Will full on loudly complain about the heat or cold. Kept asking my dad to open window, close window, turn ac off, turn ac on. Whiny.
Restless, seems like she can’t sit still or focus on anything in a climate where she has to sit and be quiet. (Planes and shows)
Known to start fights about pretty much anything that she doesn’t like. It is all about her from the thermostat, the entertainment, the volume, food, etc very difficult to live with
Very dramatic. Complained she was so cold on an excursion she couldn’t move her leg, and then refused to see a doctor about a numb leg. Said she’d just take a shower and then was suddenly all better about an hour later when she was smoking. Never showered, shrugged it off by saying she’ll be all right.
Dramatic in a little kid version. Like when a two year old is confused or thinking, they’ll scratch their head, purse their lips. Like their mimicking confusion verbal cues? Like they’re thinking this is what we do when we’re confused so this is what I will do. She seems to react to things dramatically and like a second or two after a proper reaction time?
A dog barked and her whole body moved in startled matter. If she hates something she eats, she makes an audible grunt, forces a sad expression in her face, holds a napkin to her mouth, and will dramatically push the food away. It’s not just dramatic, for some reason it makes me think of a toddler going through the motions so to speak.
Will sometimes ask us questions and then immediately talk to someone else or walk away and do something.
Says she’s an introvert who doesn’t like talking to people, but actively makes a point to talk to people. Not in a rude way or anything, just likes talking to people. Not sure if that means anything but I’ve always noticed that. Why would you say you dont like talking to people if you actually do?
Has quit a few jobs for silly reasons, and made impulse buys, like a new car when she obviously can’t afford it. Even back when I was a kid, she was known to gamble nearly everything, and could never afford anything, even though she made decent money.
Loves to complain. Or she just complains a lot. Going out to eat with her is usually a nightmare unless we go out with her to an approved place.
My dad made a joke that she’s ADD and it got me thinking about everything. Can she have and have had undiagnosed ADD? Can symptoms of an ADD nature appear because of trauma? Can trauma beforehand affect symptoms of ADD?
Or maybe it’s undiagnosed anxiety or depression, but can those lead to restlessness or symptoms like ADD?
My great grandma once told my mom apologetically my grandma has always put herself first before anyone. But dad’s joke had made me wonder if there’s maybe overstimulation or…something?
I know you’re not psychic and I’m happy to give any extra info, but I wondered if a person can be horribly selfish if they have some kind of undiagnosed whatever.
Thank you! :)

Hi reddit,
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Are there other women who’ve gone through this? Were you able to remain amicable? How are the kids? How are you? Did you date or just assume that every male is secretly gay (as I do now)? Any tips or suggestions?
Looking for stories of hope.
Background: I found out husband of 20 years was cheating on me with men. He was hooking up via Sniffies. We have 2 kids.
We got married too young. Before we got married he told me he was abused as a child. I don’t think either of us knew what this meant.
Sex life died early on, I caught him watching gay porn, once texting a male masseur for favors and now this. Each time he would have excuses, told me he wasn’t gay, this was because of what happened to him as a child.
We went to numerous couples therapists, all the same message. That He’s predominantly hetero and we just need to work on things. I would ask In front of therapist if he had feelings for men, if he’s cheated on me. Each time he’d roll his eyes.
I’d suspected for a long time and directly asked him numerous times. He’d laugh or get angry.
I finally caught him actually cheating. I don’t even know with how many men.
I remember feeling relieved. I finally had an answer after years of suspecting and gas lighting. He still says he loves me, it’s all because of his childhood trauma. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.
Whatever the reason is- the answer is the same:

• he wasn’t faithful
• he wasn’t committed
• he cheated
• he lied
• I kept trying and he was living a double life

I’ve filed for divorce and waiting on the final decree.
I want to remain amicable and set a great example for our kids. I’m actually not bitter, but incredibly sad. For him, for us, for our kids. Grieving the dreams I had of our life together.
I tell my kids we’re still a family but will live in separate homes. And we are. I spent half my life with him. And I want him to be okay. But he needs to work on himself, I can’t drag him to therapists anymore.
I’m focussed on myself and my kids. I firmly believe I need to comfortable and happy with myself.
If you’ve read this far. Thank you.

So I guess I deserved to get abused huh. I deserved to have it held against me whenever I confronted my abusers. Together with my mental illness. I deserved everything because I wasn't stable enough to be proper.
What am I supposed to do now. My reputation is beyond repair at this point. But nobody cares either way. I'm just supposed to put up with it and move on. Alone. When every therapist I had only ever insulted me. Because of said ruined reputation. Or couldn't help me. Same reason. Or whatever. Or when nothing of sorta resources is even available.
What am I supposed to do. I'm tired of remembering. But I can't even process it. Reputation huh. Great. Now nobody listens to me at all. Is this karma? No. it's not. I'm done thinking that way. It's not my fault. But nobody cares in the end. It's too late.

Hi!
I'm looking for someone that can spare some time for free to help me improve my Ashe (and perhaps cass and sombra) gameplay. I have been as high as diamond in one previous season in OW1. I am currently Plat 5 support mainly using Ana and Illari (a bit of Bap and moira here and there). As DPS, I was hardstuck Silver 2 for a month, and finally was able to climb a bit to Gold 4, feel like I'm already getting hardstuck here again.
I feel that whenever I get put into a "pressure" game (aka loser queue), I can't get a win. Can't help but feel like a victim of the infamous forced 50/50. Whenever I win 2 or 3 in a row, it feels like you are punished with a bad team because the game wants you to be the carry. I thought this was an urban legend, but Blizz pretty much confirmed it with the May 14 patch.
I HAVE done my homework (I'd enjoy a conversation about my knowledge of the game so you can assess my level of understanding), but feel there's something that needs expert advice. Here's what I've improved on :

• Aim and mechanical skill in general. Being able to consistently hit diving tracers, genjis, sombras, echos, pharas, mercy's and lucios. Being confident in my aim and standing my ground to get the killing shot instead of running (on low targets or targets that i know will die before reaching me).
  
• Taking angles, abusing high ground and smart flanks while complimenting my other dps creating situations where the opposing team has to decide which flank to counter
  
• Creating space with my bob or using it to create an extra flank
  
• Positioning in general and knowing how to get ready for the next fight.
  
• Knowing then a fight is lost and falling back instead of feeding. Invertly, also knowing when to commit to win the fight. This has greatly made me die WAY less.
  
• Target selection (not focusing on a single target unless they are low, not going for tanks unless they are low or if the team needs me to mitigate/suppress a push attempt)
  
• Tracking enemy CD's and ults in general
  
• Trading CD's with the enemy using my dynamite (provoking nades , suzus and sometimes ults)
  

Here's what I feel I need to work on:

• Countering the enemy team when they identify I am the carry and they try to kill me first
  
• Dueling hanzo and widow
  
• Dealing with a full dive comp (is there any way to stay hitscan or do I have to play CounterWatch?)
  
• Dealing with certain maps that are not necessarily convenient for Ashe, especially the newer maps they've added.
  
• Being able to claim a flank space when the enemy team is highly aware of me
  
• Getting a consistent performance / gameplay (playing at the same level performance level in every game)
  

There's even been games where i get 40 - 50 kills, 15k damage, 5 - 6 deaths and still lose. In these cases, my logic tells me the fault is somewhere else, but im sure its me.
I know that there's the concept of VOD reviews, but I feel that I can get the most out of a live session where someone spectates my gameplay and gives me feedback on the fly. Let me know if you can spare some time to view my gameplay and give me some pointers. I would greatly appreciate it!
You can contact me thru DM here on reddit, reply to this post, or discord me at elkioscotv.

Have to smile at Pennywise. She’d been appointed/voted “Class Historian” earlier in the year. An elected position, apparently. Kid finally came out of her shell and actually started being Nice, and making Friends. Picture Wednesday Adams trying hard to pretend to be a normal child. Realized it could be to her advantage, no doubt.
So she got to help format their yearbook: “You’ll like it, Grampa. It’ll have lots of pictures.” (Class activities during the year).”
“That’s Good!”
Smile. “Lots of pictures of Me.”
“…..How’d that happen?”
Even bigger smile: “As Class Historian, I got to help pick out the pictures we’d use. So I made sure I was in each one.”
Momma, later: “She’ll be a great politician, OP. Practicing early. Already has the “abusing the power of elected public office” part down pat.”
Looking forward to the yearbook, lol.

(My fiancé and I have been together for almost 2 years.)
I had my planned c-section birth to my triplet boys on Mother’s Day. I was unconscious during the procedure AND for 3 days after because of a mini coma. I lost a lot of blood and it was hard on my body. I was in the ICU and I didn’t get to see my fiancé or babies until day 4. My fiancé was raising our sons alone for those 3 days in the postpartum room. (We don’t have family or friends.)
I did wake up feeling good on day 4. We were all discharged and got back to our apartment. My body feels good enough to be able to step up to my role as a mom. The only problem is that I haven’t gotten to hold 2 of my triplets yet, and it’s almost day 6. My fiance has left me out of random things like carrying all 3 of them out of the hospital alone, making me run into the store while he stays in the car with them, automatically assuming I won’t breastfeed them, going into the nursery when I’m busy. (He’s not excluding me because he’s worried about my health.)
I talked to him about these things that make me feel excluded. We argued, cried, and talked all today about this. He finally admitted that he feels “possessive” over our kids because he’s been their only caregiver for days. He says he has resentment towards me but knows he shouldn’t. I’ve cried apologies to him multiple times today. We both know I couldn't control the fact that I was sent to the ICU for days in a coma. We both wish our birth experience was different. I feel bad that he had to see our babies take their first breaths alone, as well as raise them for 3 days by himself in a hospital room. But I’m back home now and I’ve only interacted with my first born for 30 minutes, while I haven’t seen my other 2. It makes me cry just thinking about the fact that my other two sons don’t know I exist, and quite frankly, neither do I since I haven’t even touched their skin or seen their eyes open.
When I was in the bathroom this morning, he changed their diapers. (I was only brushing my teeth for a few minutes, I had no idea that he went into the nursery.) When I was on the phone earlier with my therapist, he fed the babies with formula. (Never asked if I wanted to breastfeed them.) I’m in our bedroom doing online school homework right now (it’s nighttime) but he’s in the nursery. I can't just storm into the nursery and pick up our babies, he fixes their needs when I’m busy (without my knowledge or asking for my help) and when my tasks are over, the babies are fast asleep.
And of course I think about how he’s put me through a lot of verbal abuse and minor physical abuse during my pregnancy. I know he’s more good than bad, and he’s someone who is great and dedicated to changing for the better whenever he has to. He’s apologetic and empathetic to this situation. But I have gone through a lot for these babies, by enduring abuse and almost death from the c-section. and the fact that he’s the only parent they know, cuts me deeply. (Also our relationship isn’t abusive to the point of me feeling scared. He’s 5’2, like me, and weighs less than me. I would defend myself if I had to, and I wouldn’t have stayed if I thought he would be abusive to our sons.
He's promised me that tomorrow I'll bond and help out with our babies. But if something bad happens tomorrow with his insecurities and possessiveness over sharing parenthood with me, I want to know how to react. Advice please?!