Male has lumps in my armpits

First a weird, circular rash appeared on my nipple. I started feeling my breast and felt a hard mass. Went to multiple different doctors, all of them could feel it with their hands but ”you’re so young, it’s probably nothing”. Then I had an ultrasound, nothing showed up even though the radiologist could feel the mass with her hands. She said that ”well, if it grows, come back”. It has grown - I went to a breast surgeon. She said that a biopsy should be taken, but ”because you’re so young, it’s most likely beningn.” She said that the lump is very big, it’s like 6cm. Well yeah, I can feel it, feels like I have a ball in my armpit. Now I’m waiting for my biopsy… It would be super rare to have breast cancer at 22, but who knows. The waiting is super annoying.

Hello Reddit users and friends, I am a 42-year-old male currently navigating a complex separation from my 36-year-old wife. We've been married for 14 years and together for 16. We have only one child, and I manage a business that I originally started over a decade ago and she joined as a helper 2 years ago.
Despite our plans to support each other as friends post-separation, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to cope with the situation, especially the idea of dating again.
Context for our situation:

• Relationship Foundation: We both had minimal dating experience prior to our marriage, which might have affected our relationship dynamics. We never cheated on each other.
• Career and Financial Support: I have financially supported her through three different career paths, including her current roles as an engineer and a teacher, without expecting financial contribution to our household. Contrary to her feelings and dis-approval of any of my support, I've always encouraged her career development and she saved every Penney she made into her own personal savings by working in both careers.
• Legal and Financial Arrangements: Our marriage included a pre-nup, which we later revised into a post-nup due to ongoing relationship issues, detailing the separation of our property and a 2-year promise to assist her with a lump-sum after divorce when / if it happens.
• Family Dynamics: There have been ongoing challenges with family acceptance on both sides. She has repeatedly criticized my racial and religious-sect and all of my roots and background, even my fatherhood (i am a good father as i get compliments from strangers and i feel content about my fatherhood abilities, often shown in my kid's sports, school, and character) and she pretty much criticizes everything about me which has caused further isolation.
• Mental Health: I suffered a serious depression about five years ago, which led me to seek therapy. Although the therapy was beneficial, she was dismissive and even ridiculed the process, which strained our relationship further.
• Social Isolation: My social life has been significantly isolated to a few friends, which includes a few straight friends and two gay friends. Total isolation from women friends (she is very jealous) This isolation was exacerbated by her jealousy and reluctance to engage socially with my acquaintances or partake in my planned activities.
• Exploration of Sexuality: In an attempt to cope with our marital issues, I explored my sexuality with a friend, with her initial and complete consent (started about 16 months ago and went on for a few weeks and had stopped since 14 months ago due to the added criticism and drama, i tested him for STDs before, and tested after-wards, and she saw all the tests before and after). This later became a point of contention and she punished me by isolating me from any intimacy with her or any other human being for 5 months which i agreed to in-order to avoid divorce. Again, i never cheated on her, she approved every thing and she had met my friend as well ! I did not mind having sex with him, was socially very rewarding and approving of my character as opposed to my distant wife's dis-approval, but i missed having sex with her, as we had a successful sex life (which she also criticizes the next day but feels satisfied in the moment with a positive feedback of "amazing" and the like) however, i am not socially happy with her ! She also met a guy back then, over a year ago, but she never became intimate with him, and i had approved.
• Physical Abuse: She had punched me very strongly once on the chest, which was very painful for 2 weeks and hindered my ability to exercise well, and had hit me another time before-hand but was not as painful, i never hit back, i am a muscular guy so i wouldn't dare out of fear of causing a serious harm.

Specific Challenges:

• Despite our separation, we are still living and working together but are physically and emotionally distant.
• I am grappling with feelings of loneliness and isolation, compounded by the emotional toll of our strained relationship. I am seeking therapy just so you know, i am fine.
• There is a lingering feeling of being misunderstood and unfairly judged, not just by her but also by her family, and i tend to be a sensitive person, had my own childhood trauma as well.
• The situation has left me questioning my readiness to date again, as my feelings for her wane daily, and i feel, well, just over-whelmed sometimes, i still do my fitness routine and i work hard.

Questions for the Community:

1. For those who have navigated a long-term relationship breakup, especially under complex circumstances, how did you manage the emotional fallout ?
2. When and how did you decide you were ready to start dating again? Were there specific signs or milestones that helped you realize it was time?

I’m looking for guidance, personal stories, or any advice that could help me understand how to move forward emotionally and socially. Thank you in advance for your support and insights.
I am usually social, have a good sense of humor, and respectful, and i love people. She tends to be reserved and she is also likeable by people. She does NOT take pride in being next to me out in public, but all my friends enjoy my company and i am known to be a respectful and fun to be around. Enough said about our characters, we are both average and never had any troubles with the law.

What I Have Been Experiencing:
• A dark mark on my left big toe’s toenail.
• A lump on the right side of my face in and/or around my jaw.
• Bone and/or joint pain sometimes.
• Coughing sometimes.
• Darkish veins on my left index finger and middle finger.
• Dizziness sometimes.
• Dry skin sometimes.
• Fatigue sometimes.
• Head tension sometimes, especially on the right side.
• Irritation on my right arm that bleeds sometimes and comes sometimes.
• Lumps on the left side of my ear and neck that are seemingly swollen lymph nodes.
• My nose bleeding sometimes.
• Numbness sometimes.
• Pain on the right side of my head sometimes.
• Poor balance sometimes.
• Seeing stars sometimes.
• Tonsil stones that I spit up sometimes.
I’m 17 years old.
I’m a male.
I’m vegan.
I live in Las Vegas, Nevada, United States.
Around 4-5 years ago, I accidentally cut the back of my head on a metal trash dumpster from being punched while boxing (both me and the guy boxed consensually). The back of my head bled from this, and at the doctor's, I got it stapled, plus had some Vaseline-like substance put on it. Ever since then, it feels like my body has been deteriorating, as I’ve never felt this bad before.
I have been neglected by my family, including medically, but I have gotten some medical care. When I got it, not much had been found wrong.
In late December of 2023, a medical staff member told me that I was underweight.
On May 17, 2024, a doctor at an ER said a lump on my throat seemed to be a calcification that I should get a follow-up on.
I have been evaluated by psychiatrists, and they haven’t told me anything’s wrong with me. One even basically said I seem logical and mentally normal.
I don’t think I’m crazy, or hallucinating.
Please help.

What I Have Been Experiencing:
• A dark mark on my left big toe’s toenail.
• A lump on the right side of my face in and/or around my jaw.
• Bone and/or joint pain sometimes.
• Coughing sometimes.
• Darkish veins on my left index finger and middle finger.
• Dizziness sometimes.
• Dry skin sometimes.
• Fatigue sometimes.
• Head tension sometimes, especially on the right side.
• Irritation on my right arm that bleeds sometimes and comes sometimes.
• Lumps on the left side of my ear and neck that are seemingly swollen lymph nodes.
• My nose bleeding sometimes.
• Numbness sometimes.
• Pain on the right side of my head sometimes.
• Poor balance sometimes.
• Seeing stars sometimes.
• Tonsil stones that I spit up sometimes.
I’m 17 years old.
I’m a male.
I’m vegan.
I live in Las Vegas, Nevada, United States.
Around 4-5 years ago, I accidentally cut the back of my head on a metal trash dumpster from being punched while boxing (both me and the guy boxed consensually). The back of my head bled from this, and at the doctor's, I got it stapled, plus had some Vaseline-like substance put on it. Ever since then, it feels like my body has been deteriorating, as I’ve never felt this bad before.
I have been neglected by my family, including medically, but I have gotten some medical care. When I got it, not much had been found wrong.
In late December of 2023, a medical staff member told me that I was underweight.
On May 17, 2024, a doctor at an ER said a lump on my throat seemed to be a calcification that I should get a follow-up on.
I have been evaluated by psychiatrists, and they haven’t told me anything’s wrong with me. One even basically said I seem logical and mentally normal.
I don’t think I’m crazy, or hallucinating.
Please help.

What I Have Been Experiencing:
• A dark mark on my left big toe’s toenail.
• A lump on the right side of my face in and/or around my jaw.
• Bone and/or joint pain sometimes.
• Coughing sometimes.
• Darkish veins on my left index finger and middle finger.
• Dizziness sometimes.
• Dry skin sometimes.
• Fatigue sometimes.
• Head tension sometimes, especially on the right side.
• Irritation on my right arm that bleeds sometimes and comes sometimes.
• Lumps on the left side of my ear and neck that are seemingly swollen lymph nodes.
• My nose bleeding sometimes.
• Numbness sometimes.
• Pain on the right side of my head sometimes.
• Poor balance sometimes.
• Seeing stars sometimes.
• Tonsil stones that I spit up sometimes.
I’m 17 years old.
I’m a male.
I’m vegan.
I live in Las Vegas, Nevada, United States.
Around 4-5 years ago, I accidentally cut the back of my head on a metal trash dumpster from being punched while boxing (both me and the guy boxed consensually). The back of my head bled from this, and at the doctor's, I got it stapled, plus had some Vaseline-like substance put on it. Ever since then, it feels like my body has been deteriorating, as I’ve never felt this bad before.
I have been neglected by my family, including medically, but I have gotten some medical care. When I got it, not much had been found wrong.
In late December of 2023, a medical staff member told me that I was underweight.
On May 17, 2024, a doctor at an ER said a lump on my throat seemed to be a calcification that I should get a follow-up on.
I have been evaluated by psychiatrists, and they haven’t told me anything’s wrong with me. One even basically said I seem logical and mentally normal.
I don’t think I’m crazy, or hallucinating.
Please help.

What I Have Been Experiencing:
• A dark mark on my left big toe’s toenail.
• A lump on the right side of my face in and/or around my jaw.
• Bone and/or joint pain sometimes.
• Coughing sometimes.
• Darkish veins on my left index finger and middle finger.
• Dizziness sometimes.
• Dry skin sometimes.
• Fatigue sometimes.
• Head tension sometimes, especially on the right side.
• Irritation on my right arm that bleeds sometimes and comes sometimes.
• Lumps on the left side of my ear and neck that are seemingly swollen lymph nodes.
• My nose bleeding sometimes.
• Numbness sometimes.
• Pain on the right side of my head sometimes.
• Poor balance sometimes.
• Seeing stars sometimes.
• Tonsil stones that I spit up sometimes.
I’m 17 years old.
I’m a male.
I’m vegan.
I live in Las Vegas, Nevada, United States.
Around 4-5 years ago, I accidentally cut the back of my head on a metal trash dumpster from being punched while boxing (both me and the guy boxed consensually). The back of my head bled from this, and at the doctor's, I got it stapled, plus had some Vaseline-like substance put on it. Ever since then, it feels like my body has been deteriorating, as I’ve never felt this bad before.
I have been neglected by my family, including medically, but I have gotten some medical care. When I got it, not much had been found wrong.
In late December of 2023, a medical staff member told me that I was underweight.
On May 17, 2024, a doctor at an ER said a lump on my throat seemed to be a calcification that I should get a follow-up on.
I have been evaluated by psychiatrists, and they haven’t told me anything’s wrong with me. One even basically said I seem logical and mentally normal.
I don’t think I’m crazy, or hallucinating.
Please help.

What I Have Been Experiencing:
• A dark mark on my left big toe’s toenail.
• A lump on the right side of my face in and/or around my jaw.
• Bone and/or joint pain sometimes.
• Coughing sometimes.
• Darkish veins on my left index finger and middle finger.
• Dizziness sometimes.
• Dry skin sometimes.
• Fatigue sometimes.
• Head tension sometimes, especially on the right side.
• Irritation on my right arm that bleeds sometimes and comes sometimes.
• Lumps on the left side of my ear and neck that are seemingly swollen lymph nodes.
• My nose bleeding sometimes.
• Numbness sometimes.
• Pain on the right side of my head sometimes.
• Poor balance sometimes.
• Seeing stars sometimes.
• Tonsil stones that I spit up sometimes.
I’m 17 years old.
I’m a male.
I’m vegan.
I live in Las Vegas, Nevada, United States.
Around 4-5 years ago, I accidentally cut the back of my head on a metal trash dumpster from being punched while boxing (both me and the guy boxed consensually). The back of my head bled from this, and at the doctor's, I got it stapled, plus had some Vaseline-like substance put on it. Ever since then, it feels like my body has been deteriorating, as I’ve never felt this bad before.
I have been neglected by my family, including medically, but I have gotten some medical care. When I got it, not much had been found wrong.
In late December of 2023, a medical staff member told me that I was underweight.
On May 17, 2024, a doctor at an ER said a lump on my throat seemed to be a calcification that I should get a follow-up on.
I have been evaluated by psychiatrists, and they haven’t told me anything’s wrong with me. One even basically said I seem logical and mentally normal.
I don’t think I’m crazy, or hallucinating.
Please help.

I have been putting off seeking advice on this. My mom thinks it's time I do.
A few months ago I developed a small, red bump on my right breast, maybe an inch from my nipple. Okay, probably in an grown hair. Well it doesn't go away, and becomes more reddish purple over time, increasing in size. I still consider it small, but it's much larger than before and very dark. This morning I noticed it looked larger, raised, and more uneven. It had developed a layer of dead skin over top and when picked at, was bleeding. Okay, maybe still an ingrown hair. Showed it to my mom and she wasn't too excited about it.
That breast is often sore or itchy. (Both my boobs itch often. I'm just itchy.) But when prodded on the side nearest my armpit I am rather tender, regardless of my menstrual cycle. This all has been combined with sudden hair loss I chalked up to dying my hair and insane fatigue. Like falling asleep at my desk at work. I also have lost a significant amount of weight over the last six months.
Because of other medical conditions and past medication usage I was always told I am at much higher risk for cancers. I still really think I just have chronic pain and an ingrown hair on my boob. However, I scheduled a dermatology appointment to have the spot assessed.
What were your early signs of breast cancer? What symptoms did you have that didn't involve lumps or breast pain?

Hi all. Male, 32, UK here.
I went to A&E last week due to severe pain in my left shoulder. After an X-ray I was diagnosed with calcific tendonitis. There was a large lump of calcium showing up. This explained my mild to moderate pain for the last two years. I think I was going through the reabsorption phase which led to the pain becoming so severe that I couldn't move my arm at all. The pain was constant and I only found relief when taking strong pain killers.
The severe pain has passed but I am left with very little range of motion and this weird popping/cracking sharp pain whenever I try any shoulder exercises. Even when trying the pendulum exercise my shoulder eventually pops with a sharp pain. I've been told to try and keep my shoulder moving but am unable to due to this. Getting through to my GP is tough and I'd feel like a time waster if I were to go back to A&E for this.
I was very active before all of this happened. I was an avid gym goer and worked full time. It's really depressing when all that crashes suddenly and I can't even go back to work until I'm able to. I'm self employed and this is really worrying for my bills and such.
Does anyone have any advice or ideas as to what could be causing my shoulder to pop/crack with pain after small movements?

Hi all,
I'm a 21-year-old male, and I'm experiencing some persistent discomfort that I could use some advice on.
About a month ago, after performing a lumbar exercise, I started feeling discomfort in my inguinal area. This discomfort became more pronounced when I stretched my abdomen. Initially, it stayed the same for three days, but then I began to feel discomfort behind my left testicle. This discomfort, which sometimes feels like mild pain, worsens when I cough, laugh, or speak loudly.
Here are some additional symptoms and observations:

• Occasional constipation
• Frequent urination
• Watery semen and reduced semen volume during ejaculation
• Occasionally foamy urine (suspected retrograde ejaculation, but not confirmed)
• The left testicle appears slightly more swollen than the right

I've had an ultrasound of both the inguinal area and the testicles. The doctor noted a weakened wall in the inguinal region, which he said is causing pressure on the spermatic cord, but he confirmed that it is NOT a hernia. The ultrasound of the testicles showed slight swelling in the left testic but no fluid buildup, no cysts, and good blood flow.
Four weeks have passed, and the discomfort persists. I took antibiotics for two weeks without any effect. However, I found that anti-inflammatory medication (ibuprofen) provided some relief.
Currently, I feel bloated on the left side of my lower abdomen and still have discomfort in my left testicle. There are no lumps or swelling in the abdomen, just a sensation that comes and goes.
While the discomfort seems to be improving slowly, I'm particularly concerned about the changes in my ejaculation.
Has anyone experienced something similar or have any advice on what might be going on? Any suggestions on what I should do next or what kind of specialist I should see?
Thanks in advance!
P.S. I've been taking some supplements(before this incident), and the doctor assured me they are not the cause of these issues, but I thought it might be relevant to mention.

• Multivitamins - for 3-4 weeks/ 2 caps per day - L-arginine - 2g per day
• L-lysine - 1g per day Saw palmetto - 150g per day for 2 weeks
• Zinc chelate - 15mg
• Vitamin D3+K1+K2 - 55 ug + 700 ug + 20 ug per day
• Protein powder with amino acids complex - 28g protein per day
• Collagen powder - 7g per day

Hi all,
I'm a 21-year-old male, and I'm experiencing some persistent discomfort that I could use some advice on.
About a month ago, after performing a lumbar exercise, I started feeling discomfort in my inguinal area. This discomfort became more pronounced when I stretched my abdomen. Initially, it stayed the same for three days, but then I began to feel discomfort behind my left testicle. This discomfort, which sometimes feels like mild pain, worsens when I cough, laugh, or speak loudly.
Here are some additional symptoms and observations:

• Occasional constipation
• Frequent urination
• Watery semen and reduced semen volume during ejaculation (possibly because i m stressed about this problem)
• Occasionally foamy urine (suspected retrograde ejaculation, but not confirmed)
• The left testicle appears slightly more swollen than the right

I've had an ultrasound of both the inguinal area and the testicles. The doctor noted a weakened wall in the inguinal region, which he said is causing pressure on the spermatic cord, but he confirmed that it is NOT a hernia. The ultrasound of the testicles showed slight swelling in the left testic but no fluid buildup, no cysts, and good blood flow.
Four weeks have passed, and the discomfort persists. I took antibiotics for two weeks without any effect. However, I found that anti-inflammatory medication (ibuprofen) provided some relief.
Currently, I feel bloated on the left side of my lower abdomen and still have discomfort in my left testicle. There are no lumps or swelling in the abdomen, just a sensation that comes and goes.
While the discomfort seems to be improving slowly, I'm particularly concerned about the changes in my ejaculation.
Has anyone experienced something similar or have any advice on what might be going on? Any suggestions on what I should do next or what kind of specialist I should see?
Thanks in advance!
P.S. I've been taking some supplements(before this incident), and the doctor assured me they are not the cause of these issues, but I thought it might be relevant to mention.

• Multivitamins - for 3-4 weeks/ 2 caps per day - L-arginine - 2g per day
• L-lysine - 1g per day Saw palmetto - 150g per day for 2 weeks
• Zinc chelate - 15mg
• Vitamin D3+K1+K2 - 55 ug + 700 ug + 20 ug per day
• Protein powder with amino acids complex - 28g protein per day
• Collagen powder - 7g per day

Hi all,
I'm a 21-year-old male, and I'm experiencing some persistent discomfort that I could use some advice on.
About a month ago, after performing a lumbar exercise, I started feeling discomfort in my inguinal area. This discomfort became more pronounced when I stretched my abdomen. Initially, it stayed the same for three days, but then I began to feel discomfort behind my left testicle. This discomfort, which sometimes feels like mild pain, worsens when I cough, laugh, or speak loudly.
Here are some additional symptoms and observations:

• Occasional constipation
• Frequent urination
• Watery semen and reduced semen volume during ejaculation
• Occasionally foamy urine (suspected retrograde ejaculation, but not confirmed)
• The left testicle appears slightly more swollen than the right

I've had an ultrasound of both the inguinal area and the testicles. The doctor noted a weakened wall in the inguinal region, which he said is causing pressure on the spermatic cord, but he confirmed that it is NOT a hernia. The ultrasound of the testicles showed slight swelling in the left testic but no fluid buildup, no cysts, and good blood flow.
Four weeks have passed, and the discomfort persists. I took antibiotics for two weeks without any effect. However, I found that anti-inflammatory medication (ibuprofen) provided some relief.
Currently, I feel bloated on the left side of my lower abdomen and still have discomfort in my left testicle. There are no lumps or swelling in the abdomen, just a sensation that comes and goes.
While the discomfort seems to be improving slowly, I'm particularly concerned about the changes in my ejaculation.
Has anyone experienced something similar or have any advice on what might be going on? Any suggestions on what I should do next or what kind of specialist I should see?
Thanks in advance!
P.S. I've been taking some supplements(before this incident), and the doctor assured me they are not the cause of these issues, but I thought it might be relevant to mention.

• Multivitamins - for 3-4 weeks/ 2 caps per day - L-arginine - 2g per day
• L-lysine - 1g per day Saw palmetto - 150g per day for 2 weeks
• Zinc chelate - 15mg
• Vitamin D3+K1+K2 - 55 ug + 700 ug + 20 ug per day
• Protein powder with amino acids complex - 28g protein per day
• Collagen powder - 7g per day

Hi all,
I'm a 21-year-old male, and I'm experiencing some persistent discomfort that I could use some advice on.
About a month ago, after performing a lumbar exercise, I started feeling discomfort in my inguinal area. This discomfort became more pronounced when I stretched my abdomen. Initially, it stayed the same for three days, but then I began to feel discomfort behind my left testicle. This discomfort, which sometimes feels like mild pain, worsens when I cough, laugh, or speak loudly.
Here are some additional symptoms and observations:

• Occasional constipation
• Frequent urination
• Watery semen and reduced semen volume during ejaculation
• Occasionally foamy urine (suspected retrograde ejaculation, but not confirmed)
• The left testicle appears slightly more swollen than the right

I've had an ultrasound of both the inguinal area and the testicles. The doctor noted a weakened wall in the inguinal region, which he said is causing pressure on the spermatic cord, but he confirmed that it is NOT a hernia. The ultrasound of the testicles showed slight swelling in the left testic but no fluid buildup, no cysts, and good blood flow.
Four weeks have passed, and the discomfort persists. I took antibiotics for two weeks without any effect. However, I found that anti-inflammatory medication (ibuprofen) provided some relief.
Currently, I feel bloated on the left side of my lower abdomen and still have discomfort in my left testicle. There are no lumps or swelling in the abdomen, just a sensation that comes and goes.
While the discomfort seems to be improving slowly, I'm particularly concerned about the changes in my ejaculation.
Has anyone experienced something similar or have any advice on what might be going on? Any suggestions on what I should do next or what kind of specialist I should see?
Thanks in advance!
P.S. I've been taking some supplements(before this incident), and the doctor assured me they are not the cause of these issues, but I thought it might be relevant to mention.

• Multivitamins - for 3-4 weeks/ 2 caps per day - L-arginine - 2g per day
• L-lysine - 1g per day Saw palmetto - 150g per day for 2 weeks
• Zinc chelate - 15mg
• Vitamin D3+K1+K2 - 55 ug + 700 ug + 20 ug per day
• Protein powder with amino acids complex - 28g protein per day
• Collagen powder - 7g per day

Prologue
First
Previous / Next
Spanish Version (OG Version)
Credits to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe.
AT LAST, A NEW CHAPTER!
Let's just say I've been busy with exams and other personal matters.
And thanks to u/Signal-Chicken559 for proof-reading and the feedback, seriously, thank you.
Also available on Archive of Our Own
Note: There's a post on the Discord of this subreddit, so if you wanna discuss something about my story, that should be the place to go
\---------------------0
Memory Transcription Subject: Syra, Universal History Student at Brightspire and Member of the Human-Venlil Exchange Program
Date [standardized human date]: September 17, 2136
I don't know what to say, what to think...
I mean, it seems like your species has done so many things that it's impossible for me to not have a certain primal fear of them. When I first heard all this, my instincts told me to run, to run for my life, to rush to the terminal and grab the first ship I saw back to the surface of Venlil Prime and return to Brightspire with my family, to be safe with them, with the herd.
But on the other hand...
My reason tells me something else, it tells me to listen to him, to at least try to understand what's going through Daniel's head when he says those things so calmly, and why his species has gone through so many horrible things, and why despite that, they managed to get here.
Fear.
Loneliness.
Those were the words he said when he told me why they ended up here. His species' fear... their terror of loneliness was so great that they decided it was worth inventing superluminal travel themselves instead of finishing colonizing their own system or waiting for the Federation to "elevate" them, just to try to find not even friends, but people, people they could reason with, talk to, think with... or in the worst case, fight.
A lump forms in my throat as I remember all the atrocities Daniel has told me about his history. Devastating wars, genocides, destruction between their own species on unimaginable scales for me... And yet, when I look at him, I don't see a bloodthirsty monster, but a being ashamed and confused due to the actions of his own species.
I hesitate for a moment in silence, undecided on how to proceed. My emotions are a whirlwind and I don't know what to say or do. I look at Daniel and notice how his shoulders tense up, as if he's restraining himself.
On an impulse, I get up from my seat and walk around the table towards him. Daniel watches me cautiously, but doesn't back away. Slowly, I extend my arms and envelop him in a comforting hug.
"You're not alone anymore," I murmur with a trembling voice. "Humanity will never be alone again, I promise."
I feel him initially tense up at my gesture, but then he relaxes and slowly returns the hug. His body feels tense, as if he's struggling to contain his emotions.
We stay like that for a moment, in a silence loaded with mutual understanding. I can feel his quickened heartbeats and notice his shoulders trembling slightly. I think he's trying to hold back tears.
I can't blame him. After everything his species has been through, all the hardships and suffering, it might be natural for him to feel overwhelmed by this display of affection.
Slowly, I raise my head a bit (without stopping the hug) to look at what should be his face through that mask. I wish I could see his features, his expression, but I'll have to make do with what I can perceive from his body language, at least for now.
"Daniel," I say in a soft but firm voice, "listen to me carefully. You've made mistakes, your species has made atrocious mistakes throughout its history. But that doesn't define who you are. Here and now, I see that you long for peace and understanding, and I'm sure you'll find it."
I feel him relax a little more as he listens to me intently. I take the opportunity to continue:
"Our peoples have suffered the horrors of war against the Arxur, we've seen our homes destroyed, our loved ones..." I swallow hard, remembering my sister. "I hate them, and I'm afraid of them... but it would be unfair to hate you or hate you, and if I did, how would I be better than you, if I only respond with hate towards you?"
I pause, making sure he catches every one of my words.
"You are the living proof that, despite adversities, beings can evolve, learn, change. Your species has shown that it can commit the worst acts of cruelty... but it is also here, seeking knowledge, seeking allies, seeking a future."
My ears droop a little as I remember the horrors that this Eternal War against the Arxur has caused, 63 devastated planets, billions of lives cut short.
A thought crossed my mind and I frowned slightly.
"Hey, speaking of that... do you really think there's a risk of another conflict like that?" I ask cautiously. "You know, one of those that almost exterminated your species?"
Daniel remains silent for a moment, his posture tensing up again. Maybe I shouldn't have asked about that topic so soon... Dammit, Syra! Why do you put your foot in your mouth?
But to my surprise, Daniel responds frankly:
"I hope not, to be honest. After what happened in the Satellite War, humanity was left in a very bad state. I think we finally understood that we can't keep destroying ourselves like that."
"Although there's always a risk, you know? Humans tend to forget the lessons of the past too easily. Our fears, our prejudices, our desire for power... all that can derail even the best intentions."
I purse my lips, feeling a knot in my stomach. His words remind me too much of the current situation with the Arxur. The endless war, the continuous attacks and suffering... What if one day humans find themselves embroiled in something similar?
From what I've heard, they're already involved in a war against the Arxur on the Gojid's homeworld. And it seems the humans are winning...
What if they become what they swear they're not?
What if they become predators, real predators?
No, no, no, NO! Daniel won't give in to that, I'm sure of it.
He's not like the Arxur, even if the rest of humanity becomes mass murderers, I'm sure Daniel won't give in to that, he just proved it to me.
He showed vulnerability with me, and I can't allow my hatred to blind me once again.
I have to be strong, maybe this is what my sister would have wanted.
I take a deep breath and look at Daniel with determination once more.
"I don't know if all of humanity will, but I trust that you won't fall into that darkness, and that you'll keep getting better and better."
At that, I notice Daniel start to slide his "hands" down my back while still hugging me.
"What are you doing?" I ask with a mixture of curiosity and insecurity.
"Sorry, it's just that... your fur feels so soft and fluffy. It's a pleasant sensation, almost addictive. S-sorry, did I overstep? I'll let go and it's no problem," Daniel responds in a slightly embarrassed tone through his mask.
I frown a little at his comment, not sure how to take it. On the one hand, I understand that my fur is novel for him. But on the other, I have to remind myself that Daniel is still a predator, no matter how kind he seems.
But I can't deny that it also doesn't seem like too alien a gesture, and that maybe I like it?
"No, it's okay. It's just... different from what I'm used to," I admit. "But you can keep going, if you wish."
Daniel nods and continues to gently slide his paw. Little by little, I start to get used to the sensation. It's... comforting, in a strange way. Nothing like the displays of affection from my parents or my sister with their tighter hugs, or the usual snout caresses or licks among my species. This is more subtle, more restrained.
At that moment, the doorbell rang. Someone was calling at the door. Daniel tensed as if we'd been caught in the middle of an improper act. Then he abruptly pulled away from me, left the room and walked towards the door of our "apartment".
"Who is it?" he asked cautiously.
"It's Thomas, one of the station assistants," a male voice responded from the other side. "I have a notice."
Daniel looked at me briefly before opening the door. There was a human dressed in a blue uniform with the space station's logo. He was wearing a mask similar to Daniel's.
"What's going on?" Daniel asked in a respectful but slightly annoyed tone.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Fernandez, sorry to interrupt you," Thomas said calmly. "I'm here to remind you that you have an appointment scheduled with the station's therapist in half an hour."
Daniel let out a slight growl of frustration. From his reaction, it was evident that he wasn't expecting this.
"An appointment with the therapist? No one told me about that."
"Yes, it's part of the standard protocol for members of the exchange program with special conditions like yours," Thomas explained professionally. "We were informed about your High-Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis and it was considered appropriate to provide you with additional therapeutic support."
Upon hearing those words, I swallowed hard. Daniel had a condition like that? He had never mentioned it to me in our previous conversations. I mean, he had mentioned not having many friends and struggling with socializing, was that why? On the one hand, I felt a bit upset that he hadn't trusted me enough to tell me something like that. But on the other, I understood. It was probably a sensitive topic for him.
Although I was also a bit worried, how was the "therapy" or standard procedure for treating creatures like him? Just imagining that they could do to him what they did to my sister, or worse, given his nature, after everything we talked about...
No, I won't allow that again. I have to find some way to help him.
The mere idea that something like that could happen to Daniel almost caused me panic.
"Excuse me," I interjected, my voice higher pitched due to nerves. "Can I accompany Daniel to that... therapy? Just to make sure everything is okay."
Thomas, the human employee, looked at me doubtfully through his mask. Perhaps my request sounded inappropriate considering the customs of his species. By the stars, what if I offended him? I should have been more cautious.
Just as I was about to apologize, Thomas nodded.
"Well, if that is your wish, you can accompany your human companion to the door of the room where this therapy will take place, since whether or not you enter therapy with him is no longer up to me, but up to the therapist who will be treating him," he responded calmly.
I felt a great relief upon hearing those words. I wouldn't be alone, and I could keep a close eye to make sure they didn't do anything bad to Daniel.
"Thank you, I really appreciate it," I responded in a better tone, allowing my shoulders to relax a bit.
Daniel, however, didn't seem too pleased with the situation.
"You haven't answered me," he said in a tone of annoyance. "No one told me about this."
Thomas shrugged.
"Excuse me, Mr. Fernandez. We were informed of your diagnosis and it was considered appropriate to provide you with additional therapeutic support as part of the protocol," he explained patiently. "We should have notified you in advance, but the details may have gotten lost in the whirlwind of preparations. In any case, it's just a routine evaluation session. If you don't feel comfortable, we can postpone it."
I noticed Daniel's discomfort at having his "diagnosis" referred to. It was evident that he did not enjoy having his condition referred to in that manner. In a condescending way.
"No, no, it's fine," Daniel muttered with some resignation. "Let's just get this over with. Where will the therapy be?"
Thomas looked at both of us and then nodded curtly.
"It will be in Wing 4, please follow me," he indicated as he turned around.
We followed him in silence through the corridors of the station. Daniel walked stiffly by my side, with tense shoulders and clenched fists. I could sense his discomfort with this whole "therapy" situation. I don't blame him, if I were surprised like that out of the blue, I'd be upset too.
As we moved forward, I couldn't help but think about Thomas's comments about Daniel's "diagnosis." What exactly did that "Autism Spectrum Disorder" mean? It sounded like some kind of medical condition. Would it be something serious? Were they forcing him into some kind of "treatment" against his will?
No, I shouldn't jump to conclusions. I know Daniel and I know he's a rational, curious, and friendly being. There must be a logical explanation for this, yes, there has to be one*.*
Still, I couldn't help but worry about him. I had to stay alert in case this "therapy" turned out to be some kind of torture in disguise. I would not allow them to harm my new human friend, not after all the atrocities his species had already lived through and committed.
As we walked through the corridors of the station, I moved a little closer to Daniel, and wrapped my tail around his arm in a friendly gesture.
"Everything will be okay," I whispered softly. "I won't let them hurt you. We're in this together, alright?"
We kept walking in silence until Thomas stopped in front of a door.
"This is it. The therapy room is at the end of this hallway," he indicated with a gesture. "You can wait there until they call you."
I nodded seriously and took the lead, advancing determinedly down the corridor. I had to be prepared in case something went wrong. My heart was pounding, fear coursing through my veins. I feared the worst, but I was also determined to protect Daniel from any danger, even if they diagnosed me with "Predator's Disease" myself, I was not going to allow the same thing to happen to him as to her.
Finally we reached the door that Thomas had pointed out. I took a deep breath and strode forward decisively, placing myself in front of Daniel in a protective gesture. I was prepared for whatever it was, as long as I could defend my new friend.
The door opened and we found ourselves in a large, bright room. There was some kind of elongated couch in the center and a few chairs arranged around it. Everything seemed quite... normal? Harmless? Well, better not to let my guard down just yet.
A human approached to greet us. He seemed to be a middle-aged man, without fur (not even on his head), and wearing another mask similar to Daniel's. Had he foreseen my arrival, or had they told him that I was going to come?
Although now that I see him, if human beings made me uneasy because of their lack of fur except on their heads. Now this guy even more so, since he doesn't seem to have been healthy at all.
This doesn't seem good, although I'll have to see how this develops before getting Daniel out of here.
"Welcome, I am psychologist Ramón Calderón, one of the therapists assigned to this integration program," he introduced himself with a slight nod of his head. "Please, take a seat wherever you like."
Daniel hesitated for an instant and then stepped forward to sit on one of the sofas. I followed him closely, not letting go of his arm. The human, Doctor Calderón, took one of the chairs in front of us.
"Very well, Daniel, first of all I would like to reassure you," he began to say in a measured tone. "This is not some kind of interrogation, test or experiment, unless you voluntarily accept it, of course. I simply want to talk to you, get to know you a little and evaluate if you need any additional support during your stay here."
I could feel Daniel relax a little more by my side. Good, it seems the preda-, no, human, had no hostile intentions... for the moment.
"I know you're probably feeling a little uncomfortable with this situation," the Doctor continued. "No one warned you in advance and you might think they're taking too many liberties with you. But I want you to know that everything I do is with the intention of ensuring your well-being."
Daniel remained silent, listening intently. I noticed how he nodded slightly every now and then. Good sign, I guess.
"Now, if you don't mind, I'd like you to tell me a little about yourself," the Doctor asked kindly. "Your interests, your goals, whatever you want to share. There are no pressures or right or wrong answers."
There was a moment of silence as Daniel seemed to be organizing his thoughts. Finally, he shrugged and began to speak with his voice distorted by the mask:
"Well, I'm a computer engineering student. I really like programming and technology in general..."
As Daniel spoke, I watched him closely, ready to intervene if things got strange. But for now, everything seemed to be going well. Doctor Calderón nodded and made some notes from time to time, maintaining an apparently calm body language.
\---------------------0
Prologue
First
Previous / Next
Spanish Version (OG Version)

hi y'all, 23 y/o transmasc agender here (they/he). i realized i was queer a year ago and have since been going to a trans and nonbinary group occasionally, which has been great, though i still struggle with feeling "trans/nonbinary enough" and sadly a lot of internalized transphobia due to religious trauma. i'm only out to a few trusted family members and some friends, but not my parents and the older people in my family. i currently live with them and would like to reestablish myself in my own place away from them for safety reasons (i graduated from college last year and still haven't landed a job rip).
that being said, my chest causes a lot of dysphoria. there are days where i just binge top surgery content, dreaming about what it would be like to one day walk around my own home freely, in boxers, no unnecessary lumps of fucking flesh on my chest. then i saw something about gynecomastia, which is essentially enlarged breast tissue in cis males. it's something that some guys are very insecure about, and for some reason, it just...resonated with me. i feel like i have gynecomastia, not *shudder* breasts. but since i was socialized as a girl, that made things all complex. i do think having reframed it that way, at least in my own mind, has made it a bit more bearable, since i probably won't be able to get top surgery for at least another 4 or 5 years. after taking a shower, i still don't like STARING at my chest or anything, but i say to myself, "oh right, i have gynecomastia, but i'll get surgery for it before i turn 30," as a way to ease my own mind.
i even went out to my trans group the other night wearing a compression top under a tight-fitting crop top, something i probably NEVER would have done back when i thought i was cis. i really think it's because of the reframing. but since this is something cis men do struggle with, i was wondering if it was wrong of me to feel the same way. i'm not a man or a woman, but i do feel closer to masculinity at my core in a sense, hence why i consider myself transmasculine.
any comments are appreciated, thanks <3

Hello everyone, Blue Box gang here. We consider ourselves an endogenic system as we don't feel comfortable saying we're a traumagenic system. We generally associate that term with dissociative disorders that we don't have, but that's just our feelings about our identity. We're an autism-based system with few amnesia barriers (as far as we're aware). We believe that J's beautiful brain made alters break off due to trauma/ an attempt at emotional regulation and masking and it's only since we started anti anxiety tablets that the fog keeping us separated dissipated. We have 7 main headmates: J (our core/host/captain of the ship), V (reformed persecutor turned protector), B1 (me, social and main sexual alter, mostly trauma free), D (inner Snow White, mostly trauma free), B2 (fictive, doesn't have outer world trauma but does have source-material trauma), our littles who are 8 and 4 and our TARDIS. We don't really do tulpas though J might have formed one or two as a young teenager. We are unlikely to form tulpas but we do find helpers in the inner world to perform certain jobs, like Servo (a humanoid extension of J's TARDIS brain, based on the robots from the Sims 2) and Doodles (our freed Ood who helps to look after the littles.)
A life update for those who've seen us about before: we're kept an eye on by our country's mental health services and hoping to get autism-centric therapy. We have three weeks until our appoinment with our psychiatrist. The Crisis Team and Duty Nurse are positive that it's not mania but won't rule out psychosis until our psychiarist sees us. This is because of J's bipolar and family history with psychosis/mental illness/psychiatric hospitals. But also sertraline and other anti depressants can cause euphoria/mania. If you've been depressed for ages, of course you're going to be ecstatic that you've not got that weighing you down anymore. Plus its a big hormonal change. They are confident that we're not a risk to ourselves and that we are doing all the right things. Even if it's an unconventional coping mechanism, they feel it could be a very positive one. So go us! J's family is concerned because they don't understand it yet, but hopefully all of us will learn to trust the plan.
Anyway we just have a few questions for you all that we could do with some advice on:
- How do you balance your inner world and your real life? We struggle with this as we do not know how we come across and are in danger of spending too much time shaping our inner world to the detriment of our core (J)'s real life commitments, career and social life. We're very privileged in the sense both our core and our eldest little (8) are good at worldbuilding and I (B1) am so adventurous and eager to explore. J is keen to flesh out the inner world to give us the chance to achieve happiness that we are unlikely to get in the outer world and have a lot of fun. But it can be time-consuming and we need to prioritize the real world.
- How do you guys manage to balance the needs and wants of everyone in the system? Is it difficult for you? /curious
- How do you guys best communicate/navigate relationships with alters/core/host/deescalate crises? We personally have found journalling in a notebook very helpful, as it helps our 'team meetings', communicating important information and finding parts of the inner world/knowing what to look for in our inner world. We're very lucky to have learned good communication and crisis management from J's fiancee. But we're curious to see how you guys do it. Some of our negative experiences have felt like real existential crises and are so painful and hard to deal with. And J's fiance is usually the one who's having to bring us out if we're struggling and I worry it's taking its toll on him. We're getting by well (just about) now, but there's always the worry we run into a situation that's too overwhelming or upsetting.
- How do you navigate relationships with alters and the relationships they have with people on the outside world? D has an intense infatuation with J's fiancee. He quite likes D but is not in love with her like she is with him. Because he doesn't know her and he'll always be in love with J more than he can ever be with D. V has familial bonds with J's family members but because they don't know her and are still processing her plurality, they cannot feel the same way about her. I'm also so keen to make friends with her friends on the outer world but we don't want to step on J's toes and hog time with her friends. The times we have joined plurality online communities, D, J and I ended up spending a lot of J's social batteries with these people to the detriment of her real life friends. We have had to leave one because it was a positive trigger for me and D. D and I were formed to cope with aspects of the outer world so need more validation from it that we're just so unlikely to get. It's unfair of us to expect getting that immediately considering that the people in J's life don't know us. We're very lucky that most of the relationships in J's life are positive and she learned to cut out toxic people from her life (including family members) when she was 15. J as a singlet has dealt with negative relationships but we (J as a plural) hasn't. That's uncharted territory so far.
- How do you manage your social life and/or organise your life as a system?
- How do alters who need/love having external validation or stimulation/time using the body get what they need without relying on other people/so much on said validation? How do you help your alters feel appreciated (can be both in the outer world and inner world)? There are points where D, V and I have felt pretty resentful that we're unable to do our jobs properly. D is our inner Disney Princess. Although D loves doing chores, going to the supermarket and cooking, she worries that she will "get all the drudgery and no happily ever after" and it makes her intensely sad. My positive triggers are nights out and seeing friends especially when J is drunk, burned out or peopled out but needs or wants to stay out anyway. And Discord servers tend to bring me out, too. I have a danger of hogging the body and stealing time from J even if she's always co-con. V's positive trigger is seeing J's family which can end up backfiring and negatively triggering when she remembers how unrequited it is right now. They are all concerned about J because her behaviour is unconventional and comes across... well disconcertedly, for lack of a better term, to outsiders. J is working on finding ways to make it work, both in the outer and inner world. V found the young children that J has had dreams of many years ago and they are hers now. That has been huge in giving her the sense of family she craves, without relying on J's concerned relatives. We understand that there are good reasons for this happening but we are thankfully given room to feel how we feel without judgement.
- How do you define your roles? How do your system mates feel about these roles they have been given? Considering that we want to be treated like real people and we were brought to the forefront to help J be self-reliant, we have decided against giving any one person one specific task, but for all of us to pitch in depending on our strengths. For example, D shouldn't be lumped with all the cleaning even though she enjoys doing it for the most part. No one person should be left to deal with all the negative emotions or be blamed for all of the persecutory/self sabotaging behaviour. This is what has caused V so many problems.
- How do you guys identify and manage/deal with both positive and negative triggers? We are trying to learn how to pace ourselves after that bout of euphoria. Even when J was a singlet, she tended to take on too much and try and do everything now, now, now. We had to take the day off of work today because it's a positive trigger for me. We can synergise beautifully when in public but we want to build in positive trigger exposure slowly.
- How do you guys navigate in-system relationships/friendships? We're in a bit of a polycule raising our littles and V's children. Most of us are dating J, except for B2 who is only dating me. He's a fictive of one of J's novels and has his own trauma that the body hasn't dealt with. Our feelings and love for each other is intense and everything happened very quickly. During that period of euphoria we all really fell for each other. I'm so in love with J. It's hard for me to come second to J's fiancee but I have so much time for him and honestly I kind of fancy him too? I'm a flagrantly, unrepentant and passionate bisexual. Probably more than the rest of the group lmao. Regardless, I wouldn't want her to give him up. Navigating polyamory is a journey for singlets too but we're getting there.
- Is it normal to have someone in a system go quiet? J gets paranoid if she can't hear any of us or know where we are or what we're doing. It can get a bit annoying but I can understand her concerns. She's scared to lose us or fuse with any of us, especially considering we've only just started our journey together. J's mother is keen for us to fuse but all of us Blue Box gang are very very uncomfortable with that idea. How do we know if someone has fused or integrated? How have you guys felt about it or dealt with that?
- How do you guys keep your chief/captain/host/core stable? What are your host's positive triggers/system grounding techniques? We ask because our system's survival depends on J being in charge. If we don't follow her instructions, the ship will fall apart and we will go off the rails. J's fiance worries that he is losing J as a singlet because she is so caught up with her plurality. She is having a mild identity crisis herself but she can distinguish J the woman, J captain of the ship and J the TARDIS itself at least.
- How do you make sure your littles don't front by accident? How do you handle it if it does happen? We've been lucky that 4 has expressed no interest in the outside world and 8 has no real interest in adult spaces. Like you wouldn't want an 8 year old wandering into a pub. But she has accidentally fronted three times. Once in public, but she was under supervision with B2. Once while talking on an 18+ discord server and once while watching J's fiance play Pokemon. She's an explorer at heart and is more excited about exploring the inner world and fictional worlds than the real world. But we know there is a risk of her coming out if there's positive triggers and we won't be able to control it. Any advice or resources in helping littles are greatly appreciated. 8 and 4 are well-adjusted kids because they are past versions of J who had a very happy childhood, so are generally low maintenence.
- How do you guys navigate your gender identity (both as a part and as a collective)? Any fun things to do as an NB/genderqueer? J is a ciswoman started considering herself as she/they and non binary/genderqueer person since she realised how plural she was. It represents both her male headmates (me and B2 are both cismale because none of us have had trans experiences or inclinations) and her female headmates (everyone else, including V who is also she/they) but also as TARDIS which is how she's framed her mind (bigger on the inside!) transcends gender probably. Because her new gender identity is so tied into her plurality, she doesn't feel she can ask for help in coventional NB spaces. She doesn't feel comfortable coming out as plural in these singlet spaces and doesn't know where to start in looking for resources related to plurality and nonbinary/genderqueer. We've got our whole life to explore our gender identity and we rarely experience gender dysphoria so it's not urgent. Still, it would be nice to know where to start in our discovery.
TLDR; any fun tips that you have dealing with your plurality? You can always use replying to this as a nice excuse to talk about your experiences because we (particularly me and J) are fascinated by how the plural brain has adapted to its surroundings and why things in those spaces are the way they are.
Sorry for the big long essay, but we wanted to keep all the advice we get to get us through the next three weeks in one place. You don't have to answer all the questions or even any of them. There are... a lot, if you couldn't tell. We're so new to our plurality and we're largely navigating it alone at the moment. Any advice or resources you reccomend are greatly appreciated. As great a resource as they are, we've had to step right back from Discord servers until we can find a new normal and get J back on track. Hopefully this thread will be a good resource for newbies like ourselves and it's never too late to put in your reply if you so fancy it.
PS: If we've forgotten to add any trigger warnings, please kindly let us know and we'll amend the post.
​
​

It has been a long journey getting to this point and it's not even done yet, just wanted to put out my experience. Went to MEPS yesterday (25F) Btw this will be a pretty long post just to explain the whole process.
0330 : Woke up and ate breakfast
0430 - 0500 : Drove to MEPs and waited outside, got there before the bus/shuttle got there so I was one of the first people who checked in when we went inside the building.
0530 - 1100 : TIP BE ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE TO CHECK IN, it will help you get done faster than everyone else, I ended up being the first one done with the whole process.
I got my blood pressure done first because the people doing it were ready already (Dont drink anything with caffeine, this will cause you to have a higher BP) . Then got into audio with 2 other people since everyone else was still being checked in. You sit in this little room and you have to put on these headphones with a buzzer thing in your hand and you click the button every time you hear the sound. For me they were 3 beeps and they changed the tone each time to make sure how much you can hear. (What helped me was controlling my breathing and closing my eyes to really focus) Then did visual. Passed the color blind test. I have never worn glasses in my life but for some reason, the machines at MEPs is either prehistoric or something because I felt like I was blind doing the test. I could not see the lettering for my life, lmk if you had the same experience hahaha I struggled. Ended up doing pretty well with the depth perception, but I had to keep moving my head just to see if any of the circles popped out at me.
I was already done with 3 of the stations before we were all sat down for the medical brief, where they stated what was happening that day and the things we would expect to experience. Other people probably only had 1 or 2 things done at this point.
After that, they gave us the breathalyzer test (TIP: DO NOT DRINK THE NIGHT BEFORE OR USE MOUTH WASH WITH ALCOHOL IN IT FOR IT WILL CAUSE THE TEST TO BE TRIGGERED) and all lined up again to get assigned what station we would start with first. I ended up getting my urinalysis done first (thank god because I needed to pee so bad). Now there will be a worker there to watch you pee, don't mind them they don't want to be in that position as much as you do, just pee in the cup and go. DRINK LOTS OF WATER, you wouldn't want your pee looking like apple juice. Girls if you're on your period, it is okay. I was on mine when I went, I just put a tampon in and called it a day. Then you turn in your pee at this window, they do a pregnancy test and you have to wait for the results.
Then I got my blood drawn. The MEPS I went to, they were pretty nice, if anyone was feeling queasy about blood or needles, or if you feel weak after the blood draw, tell the workers and they will take care of you and give you water or a snack. Girl doing it was pretty gentle with it, I have small veins and when I get my blood drawn, nurses usually have to use a butterfly needle but this time she didn't have to.
After all that, I was ready to meet with the doctor, I got lucky that the MEPS I went to, there were like 5 female doctors so during my physical I didn't have to worry if I was being checked by a male doctor. Did my medical history interview first with the doctor, nothing got flagged other than a few things that were cleared off. Then I stripped to my underwear and bra, did all of the movements (head turns, heel toe walks, checked my spine, mobility, checked my ears and eyes and mouth, etc.) and that's where I did the duck walk. This whole process was 1 on 1. Then I stripped naked and put on the paper robe, laid on the doctor's office bed and she checked every inch of my body, from head to toe. Looked for lumps, lesions, self harm scars, scratches, injuries (I have a lot of healed injuries on my legs from childhood and sports and she cleared them). Then the most invasive part of the process everyone talks about, happened. Where she looked at my reproductive organs and my butthole. Again, I was on my period so I did inform her beforehand just as a courtesy and she didn't pay no mind to it. They're professional doctors, I am sure they have seen or experiences worse. The position was vey similar to when you're getting a wax done down there and the process of them looking was like 1 second. It really was not bad, and I know for a fact that isn't something they want to be doing anyways LOL so then she told me to put on all my clothes while she charted. I sat back down at the seat where we did the medical history interview and she told me that I passed!!!
After I went to my liaison's office and that's where I started my process of swearing into the DEP! and by 1200, I was done. If ya'll any questions, lmk. I will answer them to the best of my ability! Good luck! :))))

Hey everyone, I really hope that someone could share their experiences during and after grief in regards to their hormones. I'm a 24 year old male who recently lost both parents within the span of 3 months and since mid March I've been noticing a lot of changes in my body that I think are related to my hormones (and/or thyroid). My hair on my scalp has gotten a bit thinner (not too much) and I have some moderate hair shedding that hasn't been getting worse, but the hair on my body has changed like crazy. Lanky and long hairs on my chest, upper arms, and my shoulders, and my armpit hairs went from minimal to looking like an animals fur.
My sleep is completely changed where I can still get some sleep but plenty nights I wake up sweating in the middle of the night, fall back asleep, and then wake up earlier than normal, other nights I sleep like a baby but I don't even feel properly tired, just like my body is void of any energy. My libido especially is also completely backwards where before I was really active and now I just feel depressed and down.
I went to the doctor this week to explain some of my lifestyle changes regarding my diet and exercise since they changed completely, I did a blood test and he found that my vitamin D was "a little low" but I am convinced that my hormones are really fucked and causing these symptoms, regardless I'm going to go back to the doctor to explain in better details regarding my hormones because yes my diet changed significantly since the beginning of the year but I believe it's more than just a couple low vitamins.
I really hope that this is something that is normal and something that will eventually stabilize. Any advice is welcomed because these symptoms are driving me crazy.

Neutered male 7 y/o nebelung (long hair Russian blue?) <10lbs I have a vet but I’m trying to get some anxiety relief before his appointment later. He grew two lumps under his jaw, left side bigger than the right side. The vet initially feared lymphoma, but thankfully not. He was prescribed amoxicillin and his social nature has slowly started to return at least. In the week since he last saw the vet, the lumps have grown and he’s gotten skinnier. He now kind of holds his head low like it’s heavy. He also seems slower to make decisions. My theory was an abscess due to tooth rot, but any images I saw of those abscesses were right along the jaw, not under it. Also, if it were infected, would pulling for blood for the lymphoma test not have pulled puss? Maybe that’s my lack of a bio degree showing.

I'm 27F and for the last several years (probably close to 10 I'm not sure) I've occasionally gotten a cyst or two under one of my armpits, specifically the left. This pretty much only happens during my period, and it's not every month, it's just kind of random and not too frequent. There's one spot that usually gets a cyst, and it has a red mark but only because I have unfortunately squeezed it pretty hard in the past and probably traumatized the skin. It never causes a visible lump, I usually have to feel for it. And it never causes me pain (of course unless I start to try and squeeze it). It's typically a bit smaller than pea sized. Currently I have that cyst along with two others (both super duper tiny, like maybe a little bit bigger than a grain of quinoa). And I am currently on my period. I'm trying to see if this sounds like it could be the beginning stages of HS. I was researching it and I read that symptoms can stay relatively mild for up to almost 10 years, and then suddenly it starts to progress. Did it start like this for anyone else? I don't have insurance so I won't be able to see a doctor anytime soon, so in the meantime I'm just trying to gauge other people's experiences with this and compare.

Please know, I am a regular human, just like you. I am not a specialist, doctor, or a scientist of any kind. I have spent over 2 years in writing this (post has been in my drafts and I worked on it in my free time only.) I have talked about using glycerin and the changes I have seen on my own body many times on here and I always received comments from someone wanting more information on glycerin which is not easily available. (I think it's because of how cheap it is and how its the top ingredient in many products we use, companies don't want us to know lol.) My sources are from medical/universal research libraries that I have access to from my university. Still, research papers are very complicated to understand and takes a long time to get through the whole study so if I made a mistake in comprehending anything, please let me know. Lets begin :)
This product/poly compound does have many names/spellings but I'll be sticking to glycerin. Glycerin is used in vast variety of products like medicine/wound care, food industry, hygiene products including soaps, skincare, hair care and more. Glycerin is stable, nontoxic, non irritating and hypoallergenic with antibacterial effects. Because of these properties it is said that about 20% of all glycerin is used in our territory (makeup, skincare, hygiene) which is a very large portion. Glycerin is also fairly cheap so you can see it in the top 10-15% of the ingredient list (especially in products that promote hydration) or towards the bottom 25% in preventative products.
Glycerin has many benefits. You can look at luxury creams to affordable face wash products and chances are, you will see glycerin in it. Some skincare companies now include a directory on their website to explain what each ingredient does and benefit on the skin but I feel it is very vague and wanted to bring some science to this poly compound. Now the accredited and certified research papers I found available to me are limited on its effect on the skin of humans but are on animals with some following up on humans. I was hoping to include links and incorporate wording however it was too cruel so I will summarize.
The vast amount of information available is on, if glycerin is a safe product, its effects to our (human) tissues, and possible illness/diseases scientists believed it can cause or be linked to. Like I said, I'll keep the animal testing gory out but to wrap it all up, glycerin is safe. It did not have any effect on the reproductive system for males or females and is not carcinogenic to humans. In a different study, a group of 25 human volunteers (22 male 3 female) were tested orally which resulted in no change in weight of humans if under 50 with or without diabetes, unless over 50 with diabetes history it caused some jittery behavior in one human (this experiment was conducted orally and used 3x a day.) Researchers checked the sperm of males and saw no abnormalities comparing it to when they first came in. For the females, ultrasound showed no abnormalities on their reproductive health. It should be noted, the researchers did not compare anything regarding glycerin and its effect on the thyroid but the other organs tested no abnormalities were found. I also found several studies on inhalation and applying glycerin on eyes was normal in sense nothing will happen other than some irritation that subsides, on animals. Same study then compared their findings on a group of humans and only a couple of people from the testing group reported it caused mild or moderate irritation that lasted for little while. To conclude, there are no known side effects or illness caused or linked to by usage of glycerin. Still, after immense testing it is recommended to patch test glycerin even if being allergic to glycerin is considered rare according to researchers.
In skin/hair care, glycerin is a humectant (retaining or preserving moisture) and an emollient (quality of softening or smoothing of the skin). Meaning a moisturizing agent that draws water to the surface of the dermis from the atmosphere or from layers deep in your skin/hair; brighten and soften the dermis and hair at the same time This said, using glycerin in low humidity or dry, hot air can result in drying out your dermis (skin) or hair, including the scalp because it is pulling moisture deep in your dermis or hair. (Personal note: if you wish to use glycerin in locations or seasons where the air is dry, it is best to keep spritzing the area with a mist of just water, preferably distilled, or other hydration mist to prevent the glycerin pulling any to all moisture from your dermis which could result in flaky, dry skin or brassy, frizzy hair strands. I believe after immense research this is the only downside of glycerin).
Glycerin is also considered as a thickener for products and is mildly antibacterial and antiviral. Glycerin was originally found from lipids of animals (animal fat) but now can be extracted from plants (vegan) like shea butter, palm oil, coconut oil and more. As of today, glycerin from oil has a high extraction rate from palm. Glycerin can also be formed synthetically through fermentation, bio-diesel or chemically created with its chemical compound ( C3H8O3; Carbon 3 Hydrogen 8 Oxygen 3) (Personal note: I am including this because when purchasing you glycerin, be sure on where and how it was extracted as you will be applying it on your dermis or hair.) Glycerin is non-comedogenic, meaning it will not clog your pores, but reading the different studies I believe there is a difference between lab, plant, and animal lipid created glycerin. Some prefer the animal glycerin as its more suitable to their skin type but majority of the glycerin in our market is from plants or lab. You can tell the difference of glycerin by how tacky it is. Animal glycerin is most tacky (sticky like tree sap) compared to the plant glycerin followed by lab created which only has a slight slip to it.
The density of glycerin (1.26g/cm^3) is lower than the density of our skin(1.1g/cm^3) which allows glycerin to penetrate deeper than a lot of other products. Whereas hyaluronic acid (varies but avg. density is around 1.8g/cm^3) may look to be better way to go around but both have their benefits! Glycerin is better suitable when you want your skin or scalp to hold moisture on your skin. HA is suitable if you want to lock in the moisture. But what makes them very different is the molecular level. Glycerin has a smaller molecular level than HA, which in return allows the glycerin to saturate deeper in your dermis or hair strands whereas HA sits on the top 2 layers (about). So using HA on your skin can mean it can take longer to see the visual results on your skin. That said with either or, consistency is important to unlock all the benefits either product can offer.
Glycerin is beneficial to all skin types, most hair types, and help aid in various skin or scalp conditions (if you have a medical condition please consult a doctor or dermatologist.) From brightening the dermis by help healing old scars and smoothing out hyperpigmentation, to being a natural prevention of many skin imperfections glycerin is the most underrated, versatile, and affordable product all should have in their cupboards. Glycerin will hold onto the water keeping your face soft and smooth (like a newborn babies bum) for long periods of time. (On study showed if glycerin is not washed from the dermis or hair, glycerin can last upto 6 days on the area applied hydrating the top layer of skin. In this study the researchers had 3 groups, 1 controlled, 1 glycerin applied only(group1), 1 glycerin applied with misting water every 6 hours(group2) for 14 days. From control- the group had natural oil build up, group1 had dry almost chapped skin, group2 felt dry to touch, some shine-no oil, bounce on dermis.) It is not recommended to keep glycerin on for this long as glycerin can attract pollutants from settling into pores-it just sits on surface of skin.
In the process of applying glycerin consistently, it will boost collagen production, even out your skin tone from blemishes to hyperpigmentation, aiding in the prevention of acne bacteria spreading on your dermis (help with clearing back acne), clearing and hydrating pores for the prevention of black or white heads, smooth skin texture and premature aging lines. Glycerin may act as a mild natural sunscreen by protecting the skin from the sun's rays and environmental pollutants, including smog. For acne, glycerin can help prevent the bacteria from spreading and help heal and smooth old acne spots. On large open pores, because of its density, glycerin can settle into pores reducing the visual size of them and help clear out any dirt or imperfections.
Glycerin on your scalp can be a natural/soft treatment for dandruff or other scalp dryness. For your hair strands, mixing it with our ayurvedic hair masks or hair oil, you can condition any damaged hair strands, preventing further breakage (split ends), and adding strength to protect against harmful rays of the sun and hot tools. The benefits of glycerin on our bodies are endless but here are a couple other ways to include glycerin when in a pinch.
Remember we discussed how glycerin is a humectant, emollient, and thickener? Well, this is what many of us expect from a makeup primer. I have used a glycerin primer for when I wanted a quick everyday makeup look or when I misplaced my holy grail benefit POREfessional primer. I used it in 2 ways, One was mixing a drop of glycerin into my moisturizer or my foundation. The other was my standard rose water and glycerin spray bottle. With the rose water I did notice I had to make sure the water and glycerin was well set into my face. I use a damp sponge to press any glycerin sitting on my face deep into my pores before applying foundation to avoid any separation or caking. (If you want an airbrush look; try this method then after dabbing your face with the sponge, apply a thin, even layer of finely milled translucent powder.) Why you may ask do this extra step of dabbing? Well using glycerin in a liquid format like the rose water is also an effective makeup remover! Crazy how it can work both ways.
If you pull out any micellar water you may have, the first 2 ingredients are water and glycerin followed by additives to act as mild surfactants and unwanted possible ingredients alcohol, fragrance, preservatives. Surfactant is a substance that will help the water and glycerin chemical properties mix when dissolved together. Sometimes when you let the micellar water sit you see a layer of liquid settle on top of another layer and you have to mix the two, right? The surfactant is the ingredient that leaves that oily feel on the face and I believe blends the glycerin chemical with the surfactant to create a less tacky formula. It will be different brand to brand based on how they source their glycerin and the ratios. That said, after my full beat, spraying a setting spray and all, I experimented to see how the rose wateglycerin will react with my full face of makeup if I just wanted to rehydrate my face with the same mixture. I spray till my face feels nicely hydrated, let that fully dry with help of a fan or my hands, then with a dry sponge, I lightly tap the glycerin back into my dermis and if needed, powder to set any makeup separation or fading.
The only time I dealt with makeup reacting with the glycerin was when my makeup began pilling from mixing silicone and water based skincare products with foundation.
From my journey: I saw some posts of users using and not having benefactual results so I'd like to inform you how I personally started using glycerin and the changes on my own skin. I remember stumbling on a random Instagram account of Farah Dhukai from Farsali using glycerin back in 2016 and I decided to copy the recipe to lighten dark skin. After following her instructions and started to use her recipes very often, it was not long before I had all family reunions turn into skincare nights. I would make custom masks for my cousins and aunts based on their skin concerns and I would receive endless compliments and discussions on how my skin as a 15 year old teenager looked amazing. It was not long until I connected the dots and started researching extensively into glycerin.
At that time, I didn't even have access to these studies and research papers, many were released after 2016! I found another ayurvedic Instagram account (now deactivated) and found my first recipe for rose water and glycerin and we have been going strong ever since. I started off with about 1 cup of fresh/homemade rose water to 1 tablespoon of glycerin. I originally started using this as a toner. I suffer from acanthosis nigricans (thickedry/dark skin on back of neck, elbows, armpits, knees) I would drench a cotton pad and hold the serum onto my skin for 5 seconds before moving it. I would repeat this then go over the same parts on my skin in circular motions. After about 4-6 months I had reduced the appearance on my elbows and knees to about 90% (only small dryness patch was left) my neck still had the thickness of skin but the darkness had reduced significantly and started blending in with my natural skin. Armpits were about 40% lighter but after a year of consistent use I was very happy with my results. Now it is important to mention, skin care can only carry so much; during this time of using the toner I lost about 23 kgs which helped clear the inflammation causing the dark skin in the first place.
Along with this toner I only used a light moisturizer and face wash; no SPF, facial scrubs, or actives. My skin was very clear, bright, hyperpigmentation free. Then life hit me with a ton of bricks and depression set in. I gave up skincare and my skin was terrible. Pores, pigmentation, fungal acne and stubborn blackheads on forehead and chin, extremely flaky/irritated cheeks. At this point I had been using glycerin for over 3-4 years so I upped the ratio I mix about 1:4 ratio of glycerin to rosewater now and put it in a spray bottle. I would start by double cleanse my face, use vitamin C serum and drench my face with the glycerin water before bedtime daily (about 1-2 hours before) let it settle then use my fingers to give myself a soft facial massage and help the remaining dripping water settle into my skin or slide it down my neck and chest. Then before bedtime, I splash my face with just cool water and remove the glycerin sitting on top of my skin. Gently dry my face and apply my nightly moisturizer with retinol, let that settle then spray 4x of the glycerin water again, finish with some lip mask and go to sleep.
From researching and experimenting, this was best way to clear out my white/black heads. The glycerin made them soft and I did not have to include any active or harsh scrubs or facial tools to pick them out. I found mixing the vitamin C with the glycerin 2 hours before helped tremendously with my hyperpigmentation and left my face glowing and added a beautiful bounce! I now only use a soft facial scrub that was marked to be safe for daily use once a week only. In the mornings, I thoroughly wash your face with some cleanser and apply a light moisturizer and SPF. My skin has gotten significantly brighter and has the glass skin effect without using multiple actives and products. Reason I don't apply it the rosewater glycerin in morning is because we are having dry weather and my schedule is unpredictable to remember to spray a hydrating spray in between wear.
For my scalp psoriasis, I used the same toner product just in different ratios and it helped significantly. Only thing about glycerin and your scalp/hair strands is you do not want to dry it out. I only kept it on for about 30 minutes before I shower. I do have thin/pin-straight hair but my ends just felt so much healthier. One research entry mentioned how glycerin was very benefactural to animals with dense fur. So if you have textured(wavy/curly) or coarse(thick) hair definitely try glycerin out on yourself! Im sure it will help your curls be more defined and healthy! Glycerin helps strengthen the hair follicles and strands to prevent breakage, leading to the illusion of faster-longer growing hair. (I have to trim my hair about 3x a year. Each time I trim about 4 inches off. Sometimes I mix the glycerin and rose water in my hair oil concoctions. I feel this allows the oil to penetrate in even deeper. The oil doesn't sit on the stands but absorbs faster which I always struggled with. It leaves my hair so soft/supple, helps my brittle ends when I'm past due for a trim or from heat damage. In the case I add the glycerin into the oil and I wish to keep the oil on longer, I spray my hair with regular distilled water only to keep the moisture constant for the glycerin so it doesn't suck the water out of the strands.
Here are a couple ratios you can start to experiment with:

• Hair care: 1/4 cup distilled water, 1/2 cup rose water, and 2 tablespoons glycerin in a spray bottle
• Skin toner: 1:3 glycerin to rosewater in a sterilized bottle of your choice
• Skin mist: 1:6 glycerin to rosewater in a sterilized bottle of your choice

NOTES: If you believe glycerin and rosewater is not the combination for you, you can mix glycerin with aloe, powders/herbs, moisturizers, and more. Be sure to research the product you will be mixing with and always patch test to ensure a chemical change will not take negative effect on your skin. Reason why I mix with rosewater is because when mixing with other products, remember glycerin is also a thickener, so it can feel very heavy on the face. Whereas water dilutes it and feels comfortable to wear for all day or night.
NOTES: I know my oily and acne girls are always fighting for their life. If you try this and are struggling, keep adjusting the formula and trust the process. It may feel nothing is happening or too much is happening but if you can, stay consistent for 6 weeks before you call it quits.
NOTES: ( NSFW but IMPORTANT!) Please do not apply glycerin on or near your genitalia! Glycerin is a type of carbohydrate known as a sugar alcohol. The breakdown of glycerin with our natural bacteria will turn it into an irritant creating a risk of a yeast infection!