Pretty text

this girl I work with texts me pretty much veryday to say “hope you have a good shift” or good night, I work 3rd shift so she’s usually leaving when I clock in so if she doesn’t see me in person before she leaves she texts me it; when she texts it opens up more conversation and she is fully engaged in all of it. If she wasn’t interested, why would she go out of her way to talk to me like this? There’s more to it than just that but that is the main thing I wonder about because I purposely don’t reach out to test if she will, and she consistently does. Once she reaches out we will talk for hours about whatever, the vibes are really good and I want to ask her out but I’m still afraid incase I’m picking up wrong signals.

CONTEXT:
My boyfriend and I (F) have been dating for almost 9 months. When we first started dating, I started spending more time with him rather than with my friend group (lets call it friend group A), which is a bad move on my part to be honest but I have strict parents and not enough time in the day to hang out with both of them. It's not like I completely ditched them, I tried to split my time half half but it was really difficult to. None of them really had a problem with this except my best friend (Also F). Now, again back then we just started dating, and I was blinded to see that I was ditching my best friend. SO again. That's my fault.
A few months after we started dating, my boyfriend and I hung out with some more people as well, and soon we became something close to a friend group (friend group B). (btw: I hadn't ditched friend group A, I still spent time with both of them.) Friend group B consisted of most of my bgs friends, though I'm pretty much friends with his friends so it was fine for me. One day, I invited my best friend to join friend group B because she was closer to 2 of the friends in friend group B than A anyways. Everything was going pretty good with friend group B until my parents thought they were bad influences and told me to stop hanging out with them. Of course, I listened because well, they're my parents and I didn't want to make them mad. I ended up going back to friend group A, sometimes visiting friend group B mainly to see my bf, but here's the funny part. My best friend didn't come with me.
Now, I get that she was closer with some of the people in friend group B than A, and I wanted to be happy for her, because she seemed happy, but I was already really unhappy getting forced to leave friend group B, and it just sucks she didn't seem to care. We barely talked because we never saw each other anymore, and when we did see each other it seemed awkward or forced, nothing like how "best friends" are supposed to act. I always tried to muster up the courage to speak to her about it, but I was always scared it would ruin our friendship, even if it was dangling by a thread. As I couldn't do anything about it, I decided to just leave it alone, and perhaps things will just fall into place one day. Oh how wrong I was.
So I left it alone. I just hung out with friend group A and minded my own business, and I was completely out of the loop of friend group B, beside the occasional visits. When these visits happened, I noticed my boyfriend and my "best friend" starting to get kinda close. They knew a lot about each other and each others weird 'eras' (eg. my "best friends" old anime phase) and had a lot of inside jokes. I, being the one who introduced them to each other, of course tried to ignore it and be happy for them since I HAD originally wanted them to be friends, but now I was really regretting it. Soon enough, I noticed them texting constantly (snap number one best friend for 2months+ goes crazy), playing video games together (even with my "best friends" little sister like what!?!?!), and hanging out and going to lunch together (okay this was usually with friend group B as well but I thought it was weird my "best friend" was able to go out so much since she had strict parents like I did (even stricter actually) and we went out like once a month, but suddenly she was able to go out with friend group B so often?) Also, whenever I went to go visit my boyfriend and friend group B, I would see them interacting and felt like I was being left out. (Honestly I felt left out of friend group B entirely but that's another story) To be fair, these activities were pretty "friendly" but I just felt like there were some weird areas (I wont get into it since this is getting way too long). Or maybe I'm just a really really jealous person (actually that might be it).
I thought about two solutions. 1. I tell my boyfriend how uncomfortable I feel around the two of them, and make him cut her off, but this could risk my best friend getting mad at me idk. (Okay I'm making this whole thing out to be like my best friends an evil villain and im sure shes not (or she wasn't I'm not sure anymore) but I'm just really uncomfortable with what could be going on behind my back. I do trust my boyfriend, I'm just worried about how much my "best friend" has changed and if she'll backstab me). Also I'd feel really controlling even though I know he would 100% understand, it just feels weird to me if that makes sense? Like he has told me to cut contact with people and I've had no problem with that but I've never told anyone to do that before and I'm scared he'll get offended I don't trust him. And they're so close I feel like I'd be ruining their friendship? I DONT KNOW OKAY I have no idea what to do. 2. I tell my best friend everything she's done and how it really hurt me and try to make her understand. Yeah that seems like a better solution so I did just that. I told her everything that pissed me off and how I felt uncomfortable around them. She seemed to have understood (key word: "seemed to") and apologised and felt the same way as I did about our friendship drifting. She also emphasized how she and my boyfriend were "not that close anymore", but I definitely disagree with that (also agreed by another close friend in friend group B). And though she "seemed to" understand and said she would change, I do see changes in our friendship and out dynamic, even if its not a big one, but I don't think she understood JUST HOW uncomfortable I was with her and my boyfriend, because I didn't see a change there.
So the conclusion is, my boyfriend is really close friends with my best friend (now ex best friend ig) even if they don't admit it but its fairly obvious. I'm trying to be okay with it since I introduced them to eachother because I wanted them to get to know eachother, but I'm really struggling to not break into tears everytime I see them talking or sitting together or honestly everything they do together... I have no idea what to do to stop feeling like this. Am I making it sound really serious when its not? What do you guys think? What should I do?!
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PS: sorry this is so long, I haven't talked to anyone about the true depth of this but its seriously unhealthy. this is my first reddit post so if i should make any changes let me know! also let me know if you guys have any questions! thank you !!!!

Was at a few day long convention last week where I met a woman. We hit it off pretty well, and ended up spending a bit of time together, and towards the end hooked up in my hotel room. We exchanged numbers and she later asked for my Instagram, which I gave to her and followed her back. We talked about it and mutually understood that the relationship couldn't go on past the convention as we live in different parts of the country. After the convention we stayed on good terms, some light texting with her also liking my post I made a few days after and watching my story. Anyways, I tried to pull up her account today, 2 days after the convention, to show a friend of mine a picture and realized she had blocked me. I'm wondering if anyone knows why that would be, as I am a little confused about it.

This happened almost a year ago, but it still bothers me and I am wondering if I did the right thing.
I (26M) had my first relationship last year with my ex-girlfriend (30F), it unfortunately didn't last for long and I broke up with her after 3 months, 2 of which were long distance.
For context:
Growing up, there was a lot of anger in my household, first between my mom and dad, but after they divorced things didn't really change much. Instead, it was my mother and my older brother fighting in one house, and my new stepmom being emotionally abusive in the other house. Whenever it got too much I would just kind of shut down. Mother and brother fighting at dinner? I just quietly eat my dinner. Stepmother shouting at me? I just stared at the floor until she stopped.
This went on for years and has left a big mark on me, I still don't deal well with anger or many other intense emotions. This has made me incredibly anxious about making people angry or sad and as such I always pay very close attention to what I say in order to not make anyone upset. Needless to say, this has lead to a fair bit of general social anxiety, which also lead to bullying in school, which made me shut down my emotions even further. While I realise this is something that I need to work on with a professional, I did want to give this background as it definitely had an impact on who I am now.
Onto the relationship with my ex:
We met while traveling and were friends for a couple of months before anything happened, and while she had some moments of anger over small things it was pretty rare when we were just friends. When we eventually got into a relationship though, it got way worse. It seems like every couple of days I would say something offhand and she would take it completely the wrong way and start an argument. As if looking for a way to twist what I said into the worst possible interpretation, leading to me trying to explain (which never worked) and then me apologising for something I never even said. During some arguments, I would just get sad that she was angry at me, which lead to her getting even more mad because of me not being man enough. She said a couple of time that it's my job to deal with her moodiness and to not take it personally, but how can I not take it personally, especially when she goes for personal insults?
I tried to communicate with her to ask if she could please control her emotions a little bit and have some consideration for me, and while she said she'd try it never lasted for very long. After 3 months of walking on eggshells trying to avoid her moodswinngs, it seems nothing I did was ever enough and no matter what I did, she would find an excuse to get mad at me again. I was really thinking of my future with her and found myself growing resentful of the thought of having to spend the rest of my life with her, having children with her (would she be able to avoid getting needlessly mad at our children? Would that be a healthy mother-child relationship?). I was thinking of her needs and emotions so much, but it felt like she wasn't giving me the same courtesy.
So, after a while I just gave up. The next time she got angry at me I just said I couldn't deal with it anymore and broke up with her, which came as a shock to her. She had sent me a text the day before being very sweet and telling me she loved me, but it felt manipulative somehow. I probably have some trust issues, but I felt like it was not going to get better. Now we still have contact as friends and she keeps giving me signs that she wants something more (In the last couple of weeks, she has 'accidentally' showed me her boobs on facetime at least 4 times). I'm sure I don't want her in that way anymore, but it seems we are (as usual) not on the same page.
As I am very new to relationships, I am really wondering if this is something I should expect in all of my potential future relationships as well? Were we just incompatible? Did I make a mistake? Could I have done anything differently? I realise I'm not the perfect guy either and I have my issues, but it has really made me rethink relationships in general and if it's something for me. I am wondering, in my shoes, how would you have dealt with it?
TLDR: My ex-girlfriend had many moodswings and I took them personally. I tried communicating my issues but it seemed to have no effect. I broke up with her after 3 months because of her moodswings. Now I am wondering if I made a hasty decision..

So it all starts where I’m on my headset on my game library and I noticed that the bonelab thumbnail had like a peasant in halfway park and fucking girlfriend from Friday night funkin was next to him with text above saying “Bonelab jiggle physics harem” I clicked it then it loaded me into halfway park immediately, It had the same layout but everything had much more detail, There were more structures, buildings, And they even brought back that unused bridge in halfway park, The music was pretty different though more upbeat and happy, I then randomly popped to what seemed like the main menu and I immediately noticed there was a small structure pretty far away but didn’t think of it, I turned around and saw this whole gray complex with some weird looking guy next to it, He stared at me, Immediately got mad, Then charged at me with full speed, As soon as he touched me my games vision became small and green like a game boy and it gave me a gun, I don’t know why but I think I needed to shoot the nullbodys and Omni projectors so I did, After I found this door by the complex so I walked in, Suddenly there was another person next to me so in this dream I must’ve had fusion installed, We walked around the place and saw all these weird characters that seemed like extra characters for the bodylog? I have no idea, We found the way back where we came from but the door is locked, One of the people yelled from outside something like “Wrong way!” Or “Wrong door* I really don’t know and then I don’t remember the rest.. Honestly the most weirdest bonelab related dream I’ve had (I got scammed there was no gf from fnf in my dream)

This is gonna be long so bear with me pls. I (f21) used to hook up with this guy (m22), I started liking him a lot, he said he wasn’t interested in a relationship. I didn’t take it personally plus I was transferring to another school abroad at the end of the year and then I’d probably never see him again.
About 3 months after i moved (so march 2023) he spontaneously booked a flight and came to visit me during spring break, he stayed with me and we were together basically the whole time, we hooked up but it was kind of an fwb situation? but throughout he kept dropping hints which I decided to ignore since I knew he wasn’t interested in being more than friends.
I do want to mention that I come from a rather well to do family and i might be a little spoilt in the sense that my family pays my tuition so I don’t have student loans and I get my rent money and some pocket money from home because my family doesn’t want me to work yet so I can focus on school more, but since I moved I have been working 2 jobs (without my family knowing) to save money because I like to live comfortably, go shopping, travel, and I’m trying to save up for my masters so I’m pretty comfortable financially, which he saw on his visit since I paid for p much everything. (Now that I think about it, I took a leave from work and didn’t have school that week so he didn’t actually see how hard I work, to him i was just chilling all day and living rich).
When he went back after his visit he kept talking ab how he has such a good time with me and how he really likes me and we started talking a lot more and I was kinda into him again. After like a month he started telling me that he wants to stop seeing other people and he dsnt want me to see other people either, still no mention of a relationship but he wanted to be exclusive. I had been on a couple dates since I moved but I wasn’t really interested in anyone so I agreed. Within a month of that (so june 2023) he started saying he loves me and for the longest time I hesitated to say it back but eventually i did. He kept saying he wants to visit me again etc but he cnt afford it. I agreed to pay bec i wanted to see him too but I thought that since I didn’t have school all month we could go on a little vacation instead of just him coming over, since I could afford it. We planned an trip for July and decided everything but before I paid for anything I asked him if he sees this ever turning into a relationship and he told me no at first but after i said if it’s not going anywhere (I was going to pay for his flights, all the stay and we would split the money we spend there) I don’t want to invest financially in it like time is one thing but i work really hard for the money, he said he just doesn’t feel like he’s ready for a relationship now but gave me hope saying that might change as we spend time together. I was naive enough to fall for that and we went on our little vacation.
Towards the end of the vacation like 2 days before we were supposed to go back, we were at a club and I was sitting down with my drink while he was on the floor and I saw him make a snapchat call and he was on it for a while and in the middle of it his screen lit up and a girl’s (let’s call her K) bitmoji was on it, so i went up to him to ask who he was talking to, he straight up lied and told me it was one of his guy friends and i just went and sat back down. After he finished the call he came and sat next to me and held his phone in a way that he obviously wanted me to look at the screen bec he had called his guy friend now the bitmoji was on the screen, which was such a failure because his guy friend didn’t even answer the phone he just showed me the “ringing” screen. I didn’t say anything tho because we both were pretty drunk and I didn’t want to start a fight in that condition. The next was our last night there and it went well but on the way back to our hotel at the end of the night i forgot my phone in the uber and used his phone to call the uber driver to ask if there was any way i could get it back. He was almost passed put by the time the uber driver came back around to bring my phone so i asked him if i could take his phone outside while i go to bring my phone just in case I need to contact the driver, he agreed and unlocked his phone and gave it to me. When i was going, K called him and i just rejected the call but then she sent him like a million texts and my suspicion got the best of me and I opened the chat. I barely had to scroll up before I saw several explicit msgs and photos (all very recent) and it made me sick to my stomach. I got my phone back and went back to the room to find him passed out I threw his phone at him and he woke up and we talked about it basically all night, I was crying like the whole time and in the end he promised me he wouldn’t do it again and he only wants to be with me and all this other emo (and in hindsight, toxic) crap that I fell for at the time and the next day we flew back.
Things were okay for like 2 months after that. On Halloween we were both on facetime, getting ready to go to halloween parties (in our respective countries lol) and I was telling him how to do his makeup (he really likes my style and often asks me for advice on clothes, makeup, hair etc) we talked for a while it was all great and after we got ready we ended the call and I went to the party (it was like 10min from my place) and as soon as I got there I tried to send him a snap but couldn’t find him on my snapchat friend list, so i tried to text him on Instagram only to find he had blocked me, on everything.
I DID NOT handle that well. After he had been nc for a week, he called me. Of course, I couldn’t resist and answered. He asked for help with a school project (I would often help him with things like that, even tho he was in a much complex course i would learn his stuff and then help him with homework and stuff). Even tho I was not in good condition physically bec of the withdrawals and even tho he hadn’t even addressed the fact that he had blocked me on everything out of nowhere I decided to help him again because I was just so desperate to talk to him and I basically made the whole thing for him and he got a good grade, he thanked me and stuff and when i asked him why he blocked me he just said “idk i was just upset idk why” he just always refused to talk about it. But i mean social media is so accessible, i did see that he had been commenting on K’s old Instagram posts (he commented on ALL her posts actually) throughout the week, so i’m sure it had something to do with her, but I didn’t ask because he seemed irritable whenever i would bring it up.
We started talking like before again, he graduated (i’m still in school) and we planned for another vacation for new years eve. Big surprise, even tho he was the one who proposed the trip, now he was unemployed so he couldn’t afford it, again. And another big surprise, I agreed to pay for it again. It was all good except I brought about $1000 in cash to spend on the trip and every time I took money out of it he would comment about how it was such a “fat stack” which sussed me out a little but whatever. About halfway through the trip I got really drunk and passed out and when I woke up the next morning all my cash was gone and I asked him if he kept it with him and he refused and got mad at me for losing such a big amount of money (as if I wasn’t stressed enough) and how he was going to have to pay now (hotels and flights were already paid for, he’d be paying for drinks and food basically). I still don’t think he would steal from me bec if he wanted money he could just ask and I would have just given him and not even asked for it back but there’s nowhere it could’ve gone because I never took the whole cash out of the hotel room and it was just us two there. I didn’t want to accuse him of anything so i let that go and never mentioned it. But that was the first time I got sus ab him with the money.
Fast forward to two months ago, we planned another trip (to my home country this time) which was supposed to be two weeks long but while we were there we were having so much fun that we kept extending it and it ended up being a month long. I saved up hella for this trip because I knew exactly what hotels I wanted to stay at, what places i wanted to go etc and i knew it was gonna be kinda expensive but even then because we stayed much longer it also costed way more than expected. At this point he didn’t even have to tell me he couldn’t afford it, it was just understood that i would be paying since he was still unemployed. But this time he had this new credit card and wanted to increase his credit score so he asked if i could use his cards to book everything and pay HIM back instead, i was like sure whatever. So i booked both our flights on my card and hotels and stuff on his. We had the best time on this trip, felt closer to him than ever so I didn’t mind paying. We decided that I would give him a certain amount in cash (to avoid international transfer fee) and transfer the rest (because countries have a limit on how much cash u can bring without having to report to customs). Once again towards the end of the trip I saw he was still talking to that girl, and it wasn’t just sexual, he called her the same nicknames he called me, he sent her the same reels and stuff on Instagram that he sent me it was like reading his chats with me. I didn’t say anything then, but a couple hours later I asked him if we should see other people too, like keep seeing each other but also see other people (i even said “we both” so he dsnt feel the need to get defensive) and he said no he dsnt want to and he dsnt even want me to. Him lying again when i gave him a chance to end his lie really broke my heart completely (bec at this point he was just lying for the sake of it) but it was just 3 days before we were gonna leave so i decided not to ruin the rest of the trip and end things with him after I paid him back for the credit card (I’d already given him more than half the amount in cash as soon as we met). When we were booking flights to go back he insisted that be take pne with a layover in a third completely put of the way country because it was cheaper and i was like sure, but then he also said because it’s two really long flights he wants to stay in this third country for a couple days bec he wouldn’t be too exhausted and wanted me to pay for the airbnb, I already wasn’t a fan of paying for a whole solo trip for him where I wasn’t going (it was one of my bucket list countries too) so i tried to tell him to just suck it up and take a couple hour layover instead but he wouldn’t listen. AND to make it worse, i saw his phone again (I didn’t even checking his phone or anything even once on this trip, he had the conversation open while he was sitting next to me and i could see) and he was talking to this girl who was around that country and asked her if she would travel there for a couple days to meet him and she agreed at first but once he sent her an airbnb and asked what she thought about it, she left him on seen and never responded even after he offered to pay (im guessing bec initially she just thought he meant they would hang out and when he brought up staying together even she got creeped out). THIS MAN WANTED ME TO PAY FOR HIS INTERNATIONAL TRIP TO MEET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HE TOLD HE WAS PAYING FOR EVERYTHING.
That was my last straw i got so mad and we had a big conversation , highlights: (Note: this is all in a very calm tone, i was holding back tears but no one was being aggressive)
Him: she’s just a friend and I haven’t even ever slept with her or anything PLUS that’s not even happening i’m not going to see her Me: because SHE left you on seen, u were clearly trying in fact ur the one who asked her to begin with Him: sighs & shrugs
Me: what about the girl in (hometown)? Him:
Me: why did u block me after halloween Him: i cnt tell u that Me: is it because u were also lying to K, telling her u were not seeing other people n she found out u were talking to me and to keep her from leaving u blocked me till she calmed down? Him: sighs, leans back and looks away
Me: why is one girl not enough Him: bec I’m not 40 Me: so why do u lie instead of just being honest and saying ur also seeing other people Him: bec i dnt wanna hurt feelings Me: i never asked u for anything u were the one who insisted on being exclusive, u were the one who said u loved me first while u knew the whole time u were lying, u really had no reason to lie? Him: u wouldn’t treat me the same if u knew i was seeing other people Me: i was treating u the exact same before u said all that? When u came to visit me i still paid for everything, u really didn’t have reason to lie Him: sighs
Me: what do u expect me to do now? Him: idk i guess u can see other people too(?)
Me: i didn’t mind paying for u if u were seeing other people n honest about it but dnt want to pay for someone who goes out of their way to lie to me for no reason (i p much never get pissed ab anything as long as it’s honest so there’s really no reason to lie which is why i cnt stand when people lie to me) Him: i understand
Me: did u at least use protection with other people (he told me he was clean and wasn’t seeing other people so i agreed to not using protection since i was on birth control anyway) Him: yes u can get tested if u want (i did and turns out he was lying i came home with a nasty std, I haven’t slept with anyone else in about a year)
After the long conversation we went to sleep and he noticed i was still crying so he hugged me and said “i dnt want u to cry talk to me” so i started saying how idk how to feel or what to do it’s just too much to process that he would do this bec i trusted him so much even when I didn’t want to but he rolled his eyes in the middle of my sentence which ticked me off so i turned away and was like “no dont turn away” to which I said “when im not talking u have an issue, when im talking u have an issue, what do u want?” This was the first time i dropped my calm in from of him and picked up an actually annoyed tone, which seemed to set something off in his head and he just blew up at me like YELLING about how im the one making a big deal out of everything and im the one who keeps turning away and refusing to talk to him etc and then he got up from the bed and punched the wall REALLY hard so i grabbed both his hands and sat him down on the bed and told him to shut up and calm down bec he was gonna get hurt if he keeps punching shit. He already hurt his hand p bad and he just held his hand to his chest and i could tell he was trying to hold in screams bec he was so much in pain. I called room service to bring ice and went downstairs to get him a painkiller. He finally calmed down and fell asleep. The next day he didn’t talk to me for 8 hours, didn’t go out or anything, we just sat there in the hotel room in silence, whenever i tried to bring up anything he just shrugged and continued to not say a word, Finally we both got hungry and went to get dinner after which we got drinks, once we got a little buzzed he started talking to me again and told me he got triggered bec i yelled at him (I didn’t yell but i did get annoyed so i got what he meant) and i apologised.
We were fine for the rest of the day and the next day and the night after that we finally flew back home.
He asked me to transfer him the money for his credit card and i asked him how much it was. The number he gave me was ridiculously higher than the number i had on my spreadsheet (since i made the bookings i even had the receipts) so i showed him saying these were the numbers that I had and he said “no but this is what my card got charged” and he sent me his own spreadsheet that me made (v poorly made no dates or anything, there were even some amounts without descriptions) so i said ok this isn’t helpful, just send me the credit card statement and i’ll see what went wrong in my calculations and he has been making dumb excuses for the last 2 weeks every time i ask him to send the statement like “there’s other payments too on the statement so u might get confused” (as if idk how to read??) or “oh i’ll send it when i open the credit card website next” but he keeps asking me to send him the money like constantly. Another thing that’s weird to me is that he completely disregarded the part where I told him I would only be paying for my half of the trip bec of him lying to me, which I already gave him more than half in cash in the beginning of the trip. Thirdly, not only does he want me to pay full he is also disregarding the money i gave him in cash bec he “spent it on the trip so it didn’t go towards the credit card payment” which I never agreed to give him spending money, that’s supposed to be on him, I brought my own spending money separately so it wasn’t even like he had to pay for both of us.
So basically, he wants me to pay for the whole credit card bill (which he won’t send me the statement for) on top of what i gave him in cash which was more than half of the number HE is giving me (and close to 80% of the number I have) ALL AFTER he lied to me, tried to make me pay for him going to meet another girl in a different country, yelled at me, punched a wall and made ME apologise.
The amount he’s asking for is big and I know he’s unemployed and if that’s the actual number, he definitely can’t pay it. While i can afford it (just barely after everything I already paid for including previous trips, flights for this trip and the money i gave him in cash) i did already tell him I would only be paying for my half (which i already did) and he agreed at the time, and i’m still extremely hurt and angry about all the lies and the drama. If he sent me the credit card statement I would still help him a little bit but he even refuses to do that. He hasn’t talked about anything else except asking me to send him the money for the past few days. I was going to cut him off after I paid him but he’s being kind of not cool about it and it’s not like i just have the money lying around. So would I be the asshole if I just ghosted him with his credit card debt that i know he can’t pay?
Also want to add: i keep mentioning his unemployment bec until February i was helping him improve his resume, prepare for interviews etc (I’m studying HR and recruitment) but after this trip he told me he is not even looking for a job bec if he got a job he “wouldn’t be able to travel as much” which pissed me off more bec im working my ass off to afford all this.

Yesterday me and my gf had a fight over a girl i wanted to met.
For context i don't really have friends, so i just met a girl on discord and she lives nearby (i never had the experience of meeting someone irl that i met online)
So, my relationship with my gf is pretty solid, and i told her literally everything, i thought she'd be happy for me start to having friends, but she started to say i broke her trust, and I'm going to cheat and some others things...
Today she texted me apologising for her behaviour yesterday, because she was afraid of losing me...
Confess I'm scared now and no idea what to do...

My (F22) bf (M22) and i have been going out for about 9 months now. My bf's a lot more social than me. Im not exactly an introvert or anything, i just have bad social anxiety. Like im more of a get together with friends and go drinking at apple bees or go bowling type of girl, while hes more clubs and college parties. (He's graduated last year) So I always get anxiety when my boyfriend goes out. But I do believe that's just a me problem that stems from insecurity because I trust him like I don't think he'll cheat on me and all. I just feel anxious. I feel like when he goes out clubbing or partying, he's gonna miss the single life or not cheat, but realize theres better out there. Im pretty insecure and ik thats not cute but i cant help it, but again thats a me problem and i dont ever let myself inflict those feeling onto him. And its sucks cause I get a littlee fomo even thought I get invited sometimes and deny cause I'm too anxious to come or i just genuinely have work. But when he goes out, I never expect him to text me the entire time, but I'm just big in my good mornings, my goodnights and my I got homes. I also wish to know if he's going out for the night, especially if he's drinking. Like I'd never expect him to notify me everytime he leaves the house or anything like that, just sometimes if he's staying out I like to know as a lil reassurance (of his safety and if he cares) Is there any way I can lessen my stress over my anxieties and insecurities? And am I being too overbearing and clingy?

This is an update to my last post on here: https://www.reddit.com/asktransgendes/r2cOMBBEHz
So to get into it... yall were right. it's completely intentional lmfao.
my boyfriend and i had a long very emotional talk about how he should stand up for me more and that i was very disappointed that he would just let me be treated like this by his family. So with that talk he finally decided to have a talk with his father about the constant misgendering of me and how he won't just put up with it anymore.
it was a pretty heated argument, his dad cannot STAND accountability and will do and say anything to get out of it so this was very much trying to talk to a wall. after like 10 minutes of back and forth his father shouted out "I will not change my views for you, FUCK YOU!" in my BFs face. (very mature..) BF fell completely silent and in a genuine moment of pure hatred told him "You are not and will never be my father. you are dead to me. never speak to me again." and that basically was the end of it.
so yeah.. he's finally admitted it! woohoo🎉! at least now i don't have to doubt that anymore. he has been acting horrible to me no matter what age i was (hes been doing this to a 14 year old btw, hes always be awful. he only now admits it when im 18), no matter how nice i was to him, no matter what gifts i got him. he has hated me from the start. he hates me for existing.
that was basically their last conversation. over the last week FIL kept trying to talk to BF as if nothing happened and bf responded here and there at first. but couldn't stand it anymore. he told his father "i will not pretend like nothing happened. i do not want to talk to you or have any relationship with you anymore." and all his father had to say was.. "are you SURE about that..?" in the most snarky sounding way imaginable. as if BF was in the wrong, not him.
i have sent his father one final text that basically told him everything I've thought of him for years now. i will copy the text i have sent below:
"the fact that you're so proudly and openly bigoted disgusts me. your illiterate ass probably won't be able to read past the third sentence. i have tried nothing but be nice to you, and you have openly admitted that you no matter what i (or sean) try, i will NEVER be accepted by you. i have tried so hard to be understanding of you and tried to get on your good side, but i have had ENOUGH. you are an immature, lazy LEECH. that does nothing but make everyone around him miserable. i have tried so hard to see the best in you and give you the benefit of the doubt but the fact that you can openly say to sean "I will not change my views for you, fuck you" is absolutely INSANE. i hope you're fucking happy. you are dead to sean, and you are dead to me. i will never speak to you again, and don't you dare ever put my name in your filthy mouth either. never EVER speak of me again. pretend i am fucking dead for all i care. I can't even imagine the bullshit natalie had to endure from you. You have a queer son and a transgender daughter, and yet you still choose to be a hillbilly conservative daft cunt. Everyone around you fucking hates you, you are nothing but a freeloader pissbaby that leeches off his ex wife. You are pathetic and insane. i am more of a man than your cuck ass ever will be, you pathetic slob. kindly go fuck yourself, good day."
he has yet to respond in any way, but then again that's just like him.
his mother is desperately trying to defend FIL (they are not together btw. they live in the same house but are broken up for years now. IDK why she still defends him like her life depends on it) and saying that BF should be "nicer to FIL" and "Maybe hes trying to talk to you because he doesn't like the situation!!" (if he didn't like it he shouldn't have started it...) and BF has told her off too. she basically deflected it all with "i get your side... i understand your point..." blah blah blah. IDK if she also does it intentionally but it's starting to feel like it since she's so adamant on defending her ex husband. for now i am assuming they are the same way (sadly) but yeah, basically this has burnt down BFs whole relationship with his dad. he has hated him for so long but this was the final straw i guess.
not as happy of an update as i would've liked, but an update nonetheless. i wish i could tell you why he does this or what his reasoning is but we've got nothing.
TLDR: FIL admitted to misgendering me on purpose, he is now dead to BF, and MIL is desperately trying to defend FIL

It's a very late mail that I received this week. Sorry for the delay. Thank you for the 5 cute postcards.
@u/somewhatfoolish- Thank you for the Lovely Halloween postcard. When I first saw it I thought the text was printed at the back but it was your very pretty and neat handwriting. Thanks for telling me your autumn traditions. Loved the card 🧡
@u/melhen16 - Thank you for the Pretty purple and blue Sea themed postcard and sea stickers. I loved the quote that you chose. The card is really very cute! 💙
@u/spookyoneoverthere- Thank you for the Mad libs 😂 and the handmade card is really cute. I agree with you over the kidney part. 💜
@u/hoolu123- Thank you for the chihuly postcard. It's very lovely and the way you decorated it at the back with stickers is really cute, loved it. 💚 (the mail came very late idk why)
@u/sufficient _letter883- Thank you for the Zoological park postcard, it's has a really cute hippopotamus 💛.

Let me start by saying I’m highly introverted and extremely bad at reading social cues. I’ve slowly become friends with a guy at work and we’ve become closer friends as the past year has gone by or so I thought.
We have been going through a semi similar experience the past year as my husband passed away and this guy has been going through a rocky divorce. Not exactly the same thing but we share about the hard stuff and I’ve listened to him vent a lot and talked him through a lot of struggles. We also have a lot of common interests and both work night shift (about five months ago he went to work for a different company). Since he left we went from texting rarely to several times a week to pretty much every day. He even recently told me he wanted me to meet his mom because he thought we’d have a lot in common. I’m an introvert, that struck me as odd but I know other people have friends that meet their families so I was open to it.
I know there’s no interest in anything aside from friendship. My marriage was bad for a lot of reasons; I have a ton of healing to do and haven’t been shy about sharing my lack of interest in dating anyone. He’s never said anything about it aside from he still has feelings for his ex wife and isn’t looking for anything either. On top of that I’m a 2 maybe a 3 lol so I doubt there would be any interest towards me anyway.
I say that because everything has abruptly changed in the past week. One night everything is normal, he stopped by my house to pick up something. Stayed a few minutes and left. We texted more after that. Then the next afternoon I sent him a funny meme (pretty normal for our communication pattern). He saw my messages but didn’t respond, I was like ok he’s busy. Sends a short response towards the end of his shift. Next few days I’ve sent him a couple more memes and a few messages…same thing. He usually messages back very quickly and openly engages. Last message he hasn’t responded at all at this point even though, again, he looked at it. I’m super confused. Did I misread our level of friendship? I stopped messaging him because I obviously don’t want to be that annoying pushy friend who tries too hard but I’m not sure what to do now since I value the friendship quite a bit. I also am afraid of looking like a clingy or overly attached friend if I ask him point blank if everything is ok or if I’ve done something wrong. Any advice on if I misread and thought we were better friends than he did or maybe how I can best handle the situation going forward? Do I just ghost until he actually reaches out?
tl;dr I think I assumed we were better friends than we are and might have messed up by messaging him too much and am not sure how to go forward from here and still salvage the friendship. Advice to help me fix things?

Hello all,
A while back I called One NZ to sign up to their broadband at my house, I was a mobile customer for about 3 years with them and I figured why not move to them so its all under one house. I called up my existing provider, Slingshot, and told them to cancel my service as I wanted to move to One. I then called One and asked to sign up to their plan, I spoke to someone on the phone and they were somewhat helpful, not really listening to me but I was like what ever and she signed me up for their service and I was like great.
Later that day I got a text from Enable, the people that deal with fibre in Christchurch however I assume its probably for the entire country, anyways, they said that they were sending a person out to my house to hook up my service and I was confused as the lady that I spoke to at One said that I didn't need anyone to come to my house and set anything up as most of their stuff was "plug and play", plus I would consider myself someone that is able to handle setting up broadband. I called up Enable and just asked what was up and they told me that they had ticked a box on their form to say that I didn't have fibre on the property even though I told One that I already had fibre on the property, they told me to call back One and ask them to edit the form to be accurate to the information that I provided to them. I was like okay and so I called back One.
I spoke to a gentleman who didn't have a clue what Enable was and after explaining to him what Enable was he was "reviewing" the form that they put in and said that it was all correct and essentially called me a liar even though I am not sure why Enable would lie about anything to do with that as their job is so simple that I feel like almost anyone could do it. He then said some stuff that was completely unintelligible and asked me to hold the line after he had just pretty much called me a liar so I just told them to forget it and act like I never called them.
Anyways, my question to other New Zealanders is does anyone else have such issues with One that you end up pulling out of their service? After this entire interaction I changed my mobile over to Spark as I literally can't be bothered with them.

So I am M 22 and girlfriend 20 I realized she was texting this guy a lot and I asked to see there chats may 1st she wouldn’t let me 2 weeks go by and I get on her phone and find out that on May 1st they did exchange nudes. So for two weeks they continued to talk apparently he was just a friend. Obviously not do you think they had sex?
I am so stuck on this fantasy of her she is so fun and I love her personality we been together six months and is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever had contact with. She also like has these scare tactics to keep me locked into the relationship. But not gonna lie I do too 🥲
she brought up open relationship and when we try she gets so jealous when I talk to girls so we decided not to and she goes and does that so I wanna leave but my heart says no I have really been stuck on this thought loop for weeks.
Like I don’t know why I put up with it but I keep putting up with it like it’s a sickness the sex is amazing maybe that’s all that’s good I wrote down a list of the good and bad and it’s pretty much even.
We also didn’t have sec for four days while this went on obviously I didn’t know at the time she claims she felt bad about the argument we where having at the time and she felt bad for exchanging the nudes.
My gut knew she was hiding something and my gut says they had sex but I might be overthinking she is currently out of town I need to decide before she gets back please help!

So I know some of this is my fault. My apartment has two fire alarms: one in the bedroom and one in the living room. When I moved in, the one in the bedroom was (I think) broken. It was going off pretty much hourly. It was doing that one night and I deactivated it, because I didn’t want to wake the neighbors. The next day I even bought a new fire alarm planning on replacing it. I did put it off like 3 days which I know wasn’t great. But in the 3 days, there was a surprise inspection in which they didn’t give much notice but entered the apartment when I was at work and saw the fire alarm. I got a text saying they were coming to replace it. But I was at work. I woke up the next day and saw a techs business card on the sofa. Basically the tech entered while I was asleep but did not enter my bedroom. I didn’t hear anything for about a week until I got a text about another apt to replace the alarm this time. This time I was ready and the tech came and replaced it. Like 2 weeks later I got 3 charges on my account that I was not aware of. One for the fire alarm, one for installing the alarm, and one for “turning the tech away”. I called and tried to explain I didn’t turn him away but he came while I was asleep.
The charge for the alarm is one thing, but I am a bit bothered because this is not the first time they have entered my apartment without permission. The other times were not safety issues like a fire alarm. When I called- the person in billing said that they enter the apt for the safety issue but won’t enter the room while I’m asleep because it’s “unsettling.” The weird thing is there have been other times where the tech DID enter my bedroom while I was asleep. And as a woman living alone, this WAS unsettling. If they are going to state I’m getting charged because the tech didn’t want to creepily come in the room while I was asleep….well it would be nice if he would stick to it. When I asked they also stated that they have to make an appointment right away due to safety, but since they “made an effort” the first time it’s ok that it took them a week to come back. I live in Colorado. Am I being unreasonable or is this fishy?

almost 18yo male (severe vata) require advice related to females and how to be more consistent
I spent 2 years studying for a collage entrance exam and got distracted and depressed half the time and wasn’t able to complete it 1st major failure in my life . I now have to study another year and redo it(about 60 percent of the people who succeed have to give it another year[consoling myself ig] )
There was a girl in who I knew since I was around 5-12yo (used to sit next to her in the school bus almost everyday) then she moved to usa in 6th grade
when i was in 8th grade I realized that I actually kind of liked the girl the whole time just didn’t know it then As there was no way of contacting her I tried to forget about her
The days when I completely did she would randomly come in my dreams and remind me of her existence (dreams weren't romantic in nature just had her in them)
in 11th i finally mustered up the courage to contact her just for the sake of contacting her
we texted for a bit and then i got busy
Ghosted her for almost a month because of how busy I got
then when i asked her about holi after a month of ghosting she randomly tells me that she liked me in 4rth and figured out that she did so in 9th
Mentally I was like what the fuck you could have told me before and I was also kind of glad that the feeling was mutual
I was also kind of sad because of the geographical restraints , hope and motivated to work harder to reach USA
i wrote her a long letter in a word document and sent it against my better judgement her response was favorable and she send the me a text
which ended with "can I claim you as mine"
later she said this
Hey {my name}- I realized that I sent you a message indicating my feelings for you but after thinking more about it today I came to the conclusion that I just can't be in any form of a relationship rn, casual or not. I'm so sorry if I led you on but I respect you as a person and care about u a lot which is why I wanted to be honest, but I would love for us continue to be friends because reconnecting with you has been so fun and I enjoy our convos (as long as you don't leave me on seen for 12 hours haha). Anyway I appreciate you understanding, I just don't have the capacity for anything more than friendship rn
after more texting
we can reconsider this after May cuz I’ll be busy till then
Sorry i didn’t respond today i just realized that I started talking a lot about you And idk why
i don’t understand female nature but what i one can assume from these snippets is that
either she really likes me and actually does not have the time to persue anything(neither do i honestly) fell for someone else closer to her trying to let me down gently and not completely obliterate my heart
i know that there is no possibility as of now to be with her .And I really need to work hard for a couple of years to create it and to set up a good life for myself
but I just want to know that that the feelings are not volatile and went away permanently in a jiffy on her end. I am too scared to ask (I tried to and got this as a response )
Hey I just wanted to say that I really I really like talking to you but I think that we need to address the fact that we live in completely different places and are in different stages of our lives. I only see you platonically but I really enjoy our friendship and conversations and don’t want to leave that. I really don’t have the capacity to be in a long term relationship right now, and I don’t know what will happen in the future. I’m really only thinking about right now, and I don’t want let you down, but that conversation is not in my head. I don’t want to keep leading you on, but I do enjoy our friendship and value it.
i just needed a place to vent and get help from someone who knows females better than I do the girl just keeps randomly infiltrating my dreams I kind of like the dreams but yeah they distract me a lot
ik meditation is supposed to help with emotional detachment I have tried to do it and improve myself so that I can be worthy of her I am trying my best to become a better human in all walks of life,its just that my vata gets the better of me and de-rails me a lot I am pretty sure I suffer with you tube addiction and try to hide away from the fact that I do so .I am trying to improve but I am scared of failure what if I fail in my entrance exams don’t reach USA stay distracted the rest of my life and then die after accomplishing nothing
Idk how this can be helped I just wanted to know that she may still have even a tiny amount of feelings form me (it would make me less distracted maybe)
the best possible outcome that I can possibly imagine is that she again randomly tells me that she does still like we call each other and talk once every week
i am able to study/work towards my goals for 8hrs a day Build muscle for 1hr a day Walk for 1 hr a day Listen to music only at the end of he day everyday for the next 10 years consistently
making me competent and giving me a good carrier(in electronics computer science or 3d(i like 3d the most rendering part of it making the tools that allow this to be done virtual worlds to be created i think i could learn about it and work for it just through my inherent inclination))
as of now i am only able to follow my timetable by 50 percent
i realize that this piece of text is completely incoherent and jumbled thanks for listening to me and if you have any advice that could help me achieve the my goals do tell

My boyfriend (M20) is from America while I'm (F18) from the Netherlands. We met up last year in November in this country to confirm our relationship under the eyes of my parents, who weren't too happy with it, but still agreed. My boyfriend slept in a hotel for a week and we had a pretty fun time going to events and amusement parks.
I've actually come to miss him a lot and so I wanted to plan a trip to America. I discussed this with my parents upfront, who told me to ask his mother via text what she could offer, and she offered to pick me up from the airport and bring me back, give me shelter, provide food and make sure I was in good hands. I asked her if she was willing to contact my parents too, and she agreed.
Now my problem is, is that my parents shut down the idea as a whole once my boyfriend's mother reached out. They said she wouldn't have contacted them out of own initiative and that I'm crazy for wanting to go there on my own to a family I haven't met before.
So my question is, am I actually that crazy for wanting to go to my boyfriend and thinking it's okay for an 18 year old to travel with an airplane alone? And is there advice for maybe having my parents think twice about it? For all it matters, I'm pretty independent, I got into college at 16 and I travel three hours a day by train to attend college, so maybe it might be me overestimating myself, but I really would love some outside views on this. Thanks in advance!

I don't even know how to phrase this post without immediately looking like a victim, but the years of backstory are extremely important so please go into this avoiding the obvious issue as I knew I was in the wrong even as a child and just address the current problem, please.
When I was 12 I met a 22-year-old woman with borderline personality disorder who lives in Asia while scrolling through self-harm hashtags on Instagram. Initially, I lied to her about my age, but this didn't last long as my guilt caused me to tell the truth within a few weeks. She was reasonably upset, she texted my mother, commented under all of my posts how bad of a person I was, and then blocked me on everything.
We didn't talk again until I was 15 when she randomly texted me to ask how I was doing. She had moved to Canada and wanted to meet one day now that she was much closer. Our sweet talks lasted for a month or so until my teenage hormones led me to try and get sexual, which was when our relationship really began.
It started pretty tame just pictures and texts, but I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I felt a bit of power from it. This lasted for a few months until I got a girlfriend, and access to a woman who wasn't through a screen made me abandon her. I really did care for her though, and I knew that if I didn't fully cut connections with her she would never move on. So I sent her some very very mean messages, telling her I was using her and that she meant nothing to me, that she was just a toy and I played her. I truly didn't mean anything I said, i knew it was cruel then, but looking back it was so so much worse than I knew. I completely disregarded her feelings, her mental health, and even her suicidality. Every time I think about it I cringe knowing I'm capable of being so awful to someone I said I love.
That was enough to stop us from talking, over the years my guilt ate at me, I wondered how she was doing, or if she was even still alive. When I was 19 I found her new Instagram and messaged her, my intentions were pure, I just wanted to make sure she was okay.
This lasted for a while, but soon we went back to how we were before, sending each other pictures, always talking about sex, and even having phone sex almost daily. Me being of age emboldened both of us and soon we planned for her to come to America and meet me.
I absolutely love bombed her. I didn't even know what it was until she told me that's what I did, but it's true. I tried to make up for everything I said to her when I was younger by telling her how much I loved her, that I would always be there for her, supporting her in every decision, and even talking to her about a future together. I truly was unfair, I'm not much more mature now it's only been a year but even now I see how many empty promises I made.
This was when I really started to see the effects of her BPD. She seemed so childish, always needing to be doted on, throwing tantrums when she didn't get her way, wanting to talk at literally every hour of the day. She would scream at me if I didn't stay on calls with her while I was at work. This was when I started getting worried too, as if I was being looked at like something that she cultivated. She started to threaten me with suicide a lot. She had talked to me about it long before she started using it as a threat, so it was very hard for me to differentiate at first.
I felt like I made her this way though, the promises I made, the attention I gave, the focus I put on loving her, I set the expectations how could I be upset at her for wanting what I promised? I was so conflicted, I knew I wasn't mature enough for her, but I kept going I couldn't go back now.
Our relationship escalated past 2 people who knew each other on the internet and we felt like a couple, even though I had never met her we treated each other like we had been together for a long time. Since we had known each other she always told me I felt older than I am, and I believed her, but I don't know if that's true anymore.
Recently things have changed a lot, I've been dealing with my own mental health and trying to progress my life, and she has been so so angry at me, every delay of plan or minute I'm not speaking to her she's afraid I'm leaving. I feel so manipulated, but I simultaneously want to give her the benefit of the doubt i truly believe she is a good woman and her BPD just makes her impulsive.
So I guess what I'm here for advice on is what I should do now. Am I being manipulated? Are my fears justified does she look at me like her toy? I just wanted some opinions cause I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this. I know the obvious issue with our relationship, even if I'm an adult now(currently 20) I still know that feeling will always hang over us. What do I do?
I've never even felt worthy of her, or her forgiveness. I treated her so awfully when I was younger and having these thoughts about her makes me feel so bad already, and as I said earlier I feel like I set these expectations how can I be upset that she wants what was promised to her, I just need an outsider's perspective, please tell me what I should do next.
Edit: Awful grammar.

So, I've just woken up about what, 5 minutes ago? And I had this very vivid dream about what I assumed to be either really old ocs of mine, or a really old fandom I used to be in. The concept was I think a band practice and this person texting this guy, and the guys name was "Connor Hundrell" and I think it's set in Korea or Japan. So anyways this guy he's coming to this person's house and the person with the POV I'm in is terrified if this could get them killed etc etc, so. This guy eventually comes in and climbs through the window, and he isn't exactly like.. Fluent? I think, but it'd also horror based. And that's all I remember, it was like there. But this Connor guy, back to him, he was wearing a mask, right like a really weird mask in my dream, I can't explain it but, im pretry sure after that something weird happens after the person invites over the rest of the band people and im pretty sure they THEN get kidnapped, taken to somewhere and are trying to get out, if anyone recognises this concept or anything then please tell me because I'm SEARCHING to see if these are just ocs of mine or like a really old fandom I used to be in.

Tl;Dr:
My best friend got engaged to someone she knew in high school and hasn't talkd to in years who is long distance in just 5 months. I can't really tell her my honest opinions without it coming off as jealousy. How do I help her, or do I just let her do this?
The meaty version:
I met my best friend years ago. I used to do makeup effects for movies/TV, but when I started I took gigs for basic makeup for various things. She was a model, 19, just starting out. We got along way more than we should and hooked up after the shoot. We went out own ways and life took us in a weird loop back to each other, seven years later.
We met again at my new job. It was hard to stay in the business, so I had to make ends meet with Trader Joe's. That's where I saw her again, and we clicked like we did back then. It was just friends at first. We had both been out of bad relationships and I just wanted to better, so we hung out a lot as friends. After a year, she wanted more and I very hesitantly complied. She broke up with me about a year and a half later, and it broke my heart. I really tried to hate her and not talk to her, and it was easy because at that point she moved stores for other reasons, so I thought I'd never see her again. She understood, too, and left me alone, but checked in on me.
We somehow reconnected a couple months later. I don't even understand how, honestly. We just gravitate to each other. And we became close friends again, and have been for the last 5 or 6 years. She is my best friend, and I care about her a lot. We hang out all the time. If not physically, via text or mostly Discord. We do everything together when not at work.
It's been fine for years. I am demisexual, so dating is usually not a priority to me, but I have dated a bit. Usually friends, all know about my friendship with my Bestie, and nobody has really cared. She is bi and leans way more towards women, and it's pretty evident lol. She's told me I was the only guy she's dated as an adult and she's not usually interested in men. But I was struggling a while back with feeling those feelings for her and as I was going to come out to her, she told me she had been dating someone.
I know she had been to Florida a couple months back, and according to her and her timeline of events she met up with this guy she had a crush on in high school. They both liked each other back then, but both never acted on it and they lost contact. And apparently on this trip, they met and he just started his transition and they met up and things happened. She has gone to Florida twice, for only a week at a time, and around Balentines day he proposed. Five months later. She said she didn't tell me because she felt like she started to suspect I had feelings for her and she didn't want to hurt me, or lose me as a friend.
We were fine after. We had a big talk, I told her my feelings, and look. I get it. It's weird. But she's still my favorite person, so I was in. And being demi, you get feelings for friends and only friends, lol. Would I want more? Absolutely. Do I need it? Absolutely not. My love doesn't end at sexual interest or lack of. I did take some space, though, and we eventually got back into our usual groove.
The timing of everything is already weird, but then I could see little things. The guy got her a gift. I was there when she opened it, and she didnt like it. It was a shirt she'd never wear, and she complained about how he does that often. She complains about him a lot for different things. Usually I try to be devils advocate, I dont want to rag on the guy, but most of the time in my head I'm thinking he doesn't know her at all. How could they? They barely know each other. They've lived whole lives. Hell, he went from being a woman to a man and she didn't even know.
Meanwhile, we go out and I get her. I know her drink, I know her go to food order from any spot, we finish each other's sentences, our characters compliment the other. I'm not saying I want her. I'm just saying that her and this guy don't know what they're doing and they're moving way too fast. And I don't know how to tell her any of this. I'm not fighting for her, I'm just worried she's setting herself up for failure. What if she moves all the way over there?! Away from her family and friends and then this thing implodes. She's going to be alone and too proud to ask for help. Or, I could be wrong and they work.

Short backstory: We started dating about 9 months ago. He's stationed here through the army and wants to stay with me after he's done. Our relationship started really strong and intense. Hour long phone calls every day, seeing each other once or twice a week, we would regularly come up with cute date ideas, and he would seem really excited to come and see me. I know that this amount of effort wasn't sustainable, and we've since mellowed out, but in the past month or two I have often ended up feeling a little neglected.
Right now we usually see each other once every week or two because of work, even though we only live 20 minutes apart. We would often play video games online to make up for it. However, he has now started playing "our games" more with his friends at the army and I've become more of an afterthought. They hang out and go out to eat and play games every single day, sometimes during the weekends too. He'll usually text me once a day to check up on me and the conversation usually ends there. Sometimes he'll tell me that I can join their game "if I want", and sometimes I do. His friends are nice and I don't mind spending time with them, but I feel like I can never catch him without them. When I come over to his place, his friends will also always be in his room with us. Sometimes they'll just play video games without me because the "party is full". Playing games with his friends is also not a substitute for "relationship time" in my eyes.
Having him come over to my place is a challenge too. He's become increasingly apathetic about coming over and when he does, he sulks or is bored. In the past he would sometimes cancel last minute to hang out with his friends. All we do is watch youtube/netflix and sit in bed and cuddle. He says he's comfortable just relaxing with me, and while I feel the same, I'm also starting to miss how he used to to take me out and contribute ideas. "Do you want to do something fun next weekend? Wanna go eat? Wanna go on a walk?" All of my questions are met with "Up to you/Whatever you want to do". And when I come up with plans and we go out he's bored because "we just like different things". If I try to suggest something that he likes, he wants to do it with his friends. I cook meals for him when he comes over and try to make him relax after a long mission, but I'm starting to feel like our relationship is stagnant. For a while I thought he was just less interested in me. Sometimes he'll be sad and after attempting to get him to open up all day, he'll mention that he's homesick and doesn't know if he wants to stay here with me. He has intense ADHD and changes his mind often and it makes me anxious. I don't know how to help him or how to plan our future.
When I tried asking him if he's losing interest, he got mad at me and told me that he's just tired from work and wants to rest. I should stop overthinking and that I'm needy for demanding to "hang out all the time or do things every day". I don't know how to explain that it's not really about hanging out every day, or him wanting time with his friends. I just feel like we stopped bonding and making new experiences, like there's nothing that glues us together anymore except for comfort and the title of a relationship. "Quality time" now consists of staring at a screen and watching shows or videos for a day, and then he goes back to his friends. I have my own hobbies and usually hang out with my own friends, but every time I tell myself that I'll just lower my expactions and focus more on my own things, I feel like I'm mentally abandoning that relationship. At this point we each see and talk to our friends more than we see each other.
I've had pretty toxic relationships in the past and have developed a bit of relationship anxiety, so maybe I really am just overthinking everything. He told me that he's gonna try to do better and I haven't really brought it up since then, but I still can't help but doubt if it's really going to change. It also makes me wonder how life would be if we ever ended up living together.