So, I've been following Star Citizen since it's days on Kickstarter and had made an initial pledge there (one that i can't access due to a vengeful exwife), and started playing a few years ago after finally getting a system powerful enough to play... but I am constantly amazed at how the game is literally built to be a roleplay masterpiece for the player base, yet a lot of players completely ignore this aspect to focus solely on PvP, griefing, and 'ratting in an attempt to make other players miserable.
So why does the RP aspect of the game take a backseat to what amounts to a digital dick measuring contest? I have had a few pirates stop me with actual roleplay, but most of my encounters boils down to some PvP punk just lighting me up for no reason. Is this really what we want the greatest game in existence to become? another MMO that is destroyed by a toxic minority?
Leave your comments on why or why not RP should be a focus for the player base, whether you want to be a pirate (like everyone else it seems), or play something like a trader, a miner, salvager, or something completely out of the norm, like an explorer or passenger pilot?

Welcome to our fifth discussion of Leviathan Wakes. Hold onto your cool detective hats or your environment suits, because we finally get some answers to our mystery! This week, we will discuss Chapters 34-40. The Marginalia post is here. You can find the Schedule here.
The discussion questions are below. One note - this is a very popular book series and TV show, but please keep in mind that not everyone has read or watched already, so be mindful not to include anything that could be a hint or a spoiler! Please mark spoilers not related to this section of the book using the format > ! Spoiler text here !< (without any spaces between the characters themselves or between the characters and the first and last words).
Now brace yourselves: here comes the juice!
Chapter Summaries:
Chapter 34 - Miller: Detective Miller and the crew of the Roci board the hidden ship (the one that captured the crew of the Scopuli before destroying it), wearing environment suits because the ship has no atmosphere - someone left the doors open. They stick together at first as they move through the ship, discovering signs of a struggle, zombie vomit, and twelve torpedo tubes big enough to destroy capital ships like the Donnager or the Canterbury. Miller uses his detective skills to determine that everyone but Julie retreated to engineering. Once there, they discover a truly grisly sight: layers of human flesh and bones are sort of fused around the reactor, which has been shut down. Naomi and Holden gasp in shock and disgust, Miller turns on his cop brain to suppress emotion and view it as a crime scene, and Amos seems… calm and able to ignore the gore. The team splits up to look for more clues.
Amos stays in engineering to start up the computers and get the reactor back online. Naomi works on the ops deck to run diagnostics. Miller and Holden head to the bridge, which wasn’t affected by the fighting onboard. Miller reviews the internal feeds and finds footage showing the captured Scopuli crew being led onto the ship, stripped, and put in restraints. Julie fights back viciously but is knocked unconscious and stuffed in a locker with a jumpsuit (which is where we met her in the prologue). The crew is left in the galley for 132 hours before they decide to make a stand, but it is quickly suppressed. One of the crew is thrown out an airlock and the others are heavily restrained as they scream and cry. Just as Miller gets to the first appearance of a vomit zombie (at hour 160 of footage), Amos yells that he’s been exposed to some radiation because the human flesh blob had damaged the reactor shielding. He decides to keep working while Alex monitors his health status from the Roci.
Then Holden calls Miller over to view one of the last feeds Julie accessed. It’s a corporate presentation video created for a man named Dresden and the board of Protogen. It features a man Miller dubs “the sociopath” because of his cold, practiced smile…and because of the content. The sociopath tells the board (and us) the history of scientific discovery on Phoebe, which was thought to just be a moon and a source of water, but became a research station when a survey found complex silicon structures in the ice. Protogen was tasked with investigating and discovered that Phoebe is not a moon but evidence of a galactic biosphere: it is an alien weapon sent towards Earth 2 ⅓ billion years ago, which never made it because of orbital mechanics. Protogen has discovered that this weapon is not alive per se; rather, it is something they’ve termed the “protomolecule” which has the ability to maintain structure while replicating other systems and manipulating them at scalable rates. Of course, they alerted the proper authorities and made sure… just kidding, they’ve secretly been doing tests. The sociopath believes that whoever controls the protomolecule will gain control of all political and economic power going forward. Chillingly, the sociopath urges them to pursue large-scale testing to understand the protomolecule and its human applications. That large-scale testing is Eros.
TL;DR - Julie found evidence that Protogen (her dad’s company) has discovered an alien weapon, branded it the “protomolecule”, and secretly tested it on the people of Eros (and probably other smaller tests). The entire war has just been a distraction.
Chapter 35 - Holden: Naomi explains that most of the messages on the comm logs have been coded, but the last one is in plain text: the captain informed Thoth Station that the ship was contaminated, everyone was about to die, and the “materials” had been secured. He also planned to send vector data so they could find the ship. The Roci crew put two and alien-symbol-for-two together: they figure out that the captain has locked protomolecule samples in his safe. They also decide that the tightbeam messages were being sent to a secret research station Protogen was using to monitor the Eros experiment. Even though the fact “Naomi is the best” is a proven concept on par with “space is cold”, she is NOT able to open the captain’s safe, so they decide to cut it out of the wall and bring it with them on the Roci. They also scuttle the ship so no one can a) recover the stealth technology and alien weapons, or b) get exposed to the protomolecule-human soup inside. (Amos would have preferred to hack the frozen dead body goo off the reactor with a chainsaw and salvage such an impressive and expensive ship, which is… another way to go.)
It’s clear that someone else with stealth tech is searching actively for this ship, but the Roci won’t see them coming so they decide to get the hell out of Dodge. Naomi jokes that their options include turning the safe over to the OPA (they’d be heroes), selling out to Mars (they’d be rich), or starting their own biotech firm (just kidding, that’s evil). When Miller checks in with Holden about a decision on where to go next, he drops a figurative bomb on him regarding actual bombs in the news. Since Holden did his best Edward Snowden impersonation and leaked the data that the mystery ships are from Earth, Mars asked a few too many questions and in response, Earth has blown up a whole bunch of Martian ships and destroyed the Deimos deep radar station. Miller ruefully gives Holden credit for sticking to his guns about his belief in “free information”. He also points out that Holden’s principles make him responsible for all those deaths and the destruction of the Earth-Mars Coalition… and possibly the universe as they know it.
Chapter 36 - Miller: The war between Mars and the Belt seems like no big deal now that Earth and Mars are fighting. Miller watches the news feeds as the conflict turns into a blockade, and he realizes he is steeling himself for an announcement of a planetary attack on Earth or Mars, but it never comes. He and Amos deal with the stress by having beer for breakfast.
Miller meets up with Holden in the med bay for their routine blood flushes and cancer treatments, and they reopen their debate about what to do with the data files and who is to blame for the war(s).

• Holden’s position: Broadcast everything to everyone! (I know, I know, so out of character, right?) People will understand that they’ve been set up and will turn their wrath on Protogen instead of each other. Also, these are ancient conflicts. The Belt has always hated Mars and the inner planets in general. Mars and Earth have always had animosities secretly brewing and they do military training for the inevitable showdown. Or as Miller puts it, “Not my powder keg; I just brought the match.”
• Miller’s position: Stop and consider what people will do if they hear an Earth company did this. Every other data leak has been used as an excuse to shoot at someone the other side doesn’t like. Also, people suck. They aren’t going to hold hands and sing Kumbaya just because Protogen is the bad guy. They’ll move on to shooting each other so they can be the ones to control the protomolecule. Or as Holden puts it, “Maybe Protogen is a little right. People are too dumb to be trusted with big information so we should keep hard, scary stuff a big secret. That’ll totally work out.”

Holden’s idealism starts to fade as he takes in Miller’s hard truths about humanity. To be fair, Miller loses a little idealism over his perceptions of the inner planets’ relationship which, to the Belt, seemed stable and friendly enough (and united against them). Miller encourages Holden to use Naomi’s judgment as a measuring stick for whether something is right (similar to how he uses illusion-Julie as his conscience and sounding board) and then he goes back to the news feeds to watch Ceres slowly collapse into chaos. Holden decides the only person and place he trusts - or at least doesn’t completely distrust - is Fred Johnson on Tycho Station, so they head there. Holden also wonders why they don’t just destroy the safe and make sure everyone stays away from Eros and Phoebe; Miller admits it’s because the protomolecule might just be the holy grail.
Chapter 37 - Holden: The crew of the Roci is taking a break from doom scrolling to cook fake space lasagna for dinner and bond over the food and conversation. As Holden watches the crew laugh at Amos’s belches and Miller’s wild story about cheese smuggling, he reflects that they represent all three prongs of the conflict: Naomi and Miller are Belters, Amos and he are from Earth, and Alex is from Mars. Yet they’re friends, and Holden knows this is what they have to fight for. The cheese smuggling makes no sense to Amos (why cheese and not drugs?), and Naomi points out that this illustrates how little people from the inner planets understand Belters. Earthers have free air and easy access to resources, while Belters know everything that sustains life is rare and their access to it is fragile. And this is why Protogen didn’t blink an eye before killing 1.5 million Belters on Eros: they’re “other”. Then Alex points out that this doesn’t make sense; it's a risky and unnecessarily complicated way to kill people just to satisfy prejudices. It becomes clear that Eros isn’t a hate crime, it’s a vacuum-sealed test tube to let the protomolecule learn how to do its job better by giving it access to a huge amount of biomass. The early transformations looked incomplete, as if it didn’t know how to work with human flesh yet, so Protogen was giving it a chance to train. Holden wants to know where they would even find enough people who would support an evil operation like this, and Miller promises to ask Dresden (the Protogen board member mentioned in the video) when they meet him. Something tells me that conversation won’t go well.
As the Roci approaches Tycho station, Holden and Miller take in the view of the Nauvoo, the partially constructed Mormon generation ship. When Miller says the Mormans may be in for a long and lonely death if they don’t find a habitable planet, Holden notes that this is the good kind of galactic exploration humans can accomplish (the protomolecule being the bad kind). Miller then asks Holden why he trusts Fred, and Holden explains that in addition to being the only person who hasn’t tried to jail them or blow them up since all this began, Fred is “real OPA”: he’s a politician and not part of the war-mongering factions who think they can survive indefinitely without the inner planets. When Miller points out that there isn’t a political solution to Protogen, Holden insists Fred has other skills, too. Later, Fred reads through all the information on the protomolecule and is incredulous that anyone could think to do this. Miller assures him that genocide is an old-school crime and it’s important that they stop it. Holden offers up the location of the observation station in exchange for enough OPA fighters to take down Protogen, and the right to retain custody of the safe and its contents. Fred agrees only after Holden points out that no one else can be trusted to do the right thing with a secret this big. Plus, he says Fred already knows what Holden will do with it.
Chapter 38 - Miller: It feels strange to Miller to explore the wide open spaces of Tycho Station, the fanciest place he has ever set foot on. He notices Naomi working on her hand terminal and letting her food get cold; she is too preoccupied with trying to figure out the location of the station to enjoy the amenities. As they talk, Miller is reminded of Havelock’s advice to just let go when he got pulled off a case, which jogs his memory that Havelock actually works for Protogen! (I’m surprised he didn’t get there faster; maybe everyone had a point that he was sort of a washed up detective.) He rushes off to make contact with his old buddy - probably his last real partner ever - in an encrypted drop site of a Ganymede server cluster. As he waits for a response, Miller is amused to realize he has started thinking like Holden: he feels like someone should warn the Mormans that they could potentially run into the alien creators of the protomolecule who may want to kill them. Havelock comes through, passing along the coordinates to a “very scary deep research and development lab” and asking Miller to be discreet never contact him again so he doesn’t get killed for betraying his employer. Miller sends him an encrypted warning to quit his job ASAP and not take postings at any black ops sites, before saying goodbye for the last time to the only person that still respected him as a cop. (I may or may not be sniffling a bit at this.)
Miller rounds up Naomi and Holden so they can bring Fred the coordinates. In Fred’s office, Miller starts lecturing him about the serious nature of the mission and the need to have a solid plan with adequate firepower, not the usual OPA shenanigans. Everyone’s a little confused until they realize that Miller doesn’t know that Fred is “the butcher of Anderson Station” and a former Colonel in the Earth Navy. Fred assures Miller he’s no amateur and will plan ahead. Miller then insists that he get to come along for the assault on Thoth Station. Eight days later, the plan is set in motion and Miller begins packing his meager belongings into a very small bag, figuring he’ll never see the Roci again. Even if he makes it off Thoth alive, he’ll have to figure out a way to make money and improvise a life plan of some sort. He tries to thank Holden and say goodbye, but the Roci’s captain interrupts Miller to ask where they’ll all meet up after the mission is complete. Miller is confused at first, then overcome with emotion when he realizes Holden considers Miller part of the crew! I’m not crying, you’re crying. Actually, it’s Miller who is weeping. But he pulls himself together so he can head to the assault ship.
Chapter 39 - Holden: The Rocinante needs to sneak up on Thoth Station, so they are pretending to be a loose cargo container that broke off the Guy Molinari (the Belter ship carrying the assault team, which is pretending to be a cargo ship). They fly with everything shut down so that it’s more convincing, hoping they can get close enough to the station to do some damage before Thoth starts firing back. As they approach and are able to reboot everything needed for battle, a stealth ship is spied hanging out near Thoth Station. Then, suddenly it becomes clear that there are two small stealth ships, which will be much harder to fight off. Everyone does their jobs efficiently on the Roci, but in the ensuing battle with the stealth ships, they start to take some damage. First, the Roci is hit by a gauss cannon that goes straight through the machine shop and galley. Holden mourns his coffee maker. Amos notices a leak in the maneuvering thrusters and heads to fix it between the inner and outer hulls, which isn’t an ideal place to be floating around during a battle. This stresses Naomi out, but Holden orders everyone to stay focused. They are able to take out one of the stealth ships, but the other gets close enough to do some impressive damage to the Roci. There is major hull damage as well as loss of four maneuvering thrusters, a PDC, their O2 storage, and the crew airlock. Alex is about to destroy the second stealth ship when the Roci’s point defense cannons (PDCs) detonate an enemy warhead up close. It knocks everyone out, punches holes throughout the Roci (narrowly missing Naomi), dislodges equipment, and fills the ship with debris. Holden marvels that they are alive at all, and Alex points out that is only because the ship’s anti-spalling webbing eliminates shrapnel. They make contact with Fred, who says he’ll find them a place to land, and the Guy Molinari prepares for the assault on Thoth Station. It’s Miller’s turn to shine!
Chapter 40 - Miller: On the Guy Molinari, Miller is talking to a Belter kid named Diogo as they wait for the assault to start. Miller realizes that while he has fancy Martian armor from the Roci and experience with gunfights in station corridors, he is surrounded by inexperienced young Belters with borrowed gear, and he will likely have to watch dozens of them die during the battle. But Diogo isn’t worried; he is confident and eager to get started. Fred announces that they are ready to start boarding since the Roci gave them the “all clear”, and Miller is happy to hear his friends have survived. The assault on the station starts off rough, with Protogen soldiers fighting them in the corridors and automatic defense lasers taking out some of the Belters in the first wave. But Fred knows how to command his OPA “troops” and keep them in line, and things start to go more smoothly as they slow down and maneuver carefully. Miller and Diogo are part of a group taking shelter at Fred’s direction and fending off Protogen counterattacks, and they start to talk during a lull. When two Protogen soldiers sneak up on them from behind, Diogo is hit and Miller chastises himself for chatting during a battle and not staying alert. He thinks Diogo is dead, but he pops up laughing and streaked with white goo from crowd suppression rounds, which Miller finds an odd choice of weapon. It’s the first sign that Thoth Station may not totally understand what’s happening. The OPA soldiers cut their way through the blast doors to get to the operations center, where they find Dresden (the dude mentioned in the sociopath’s Protogen video). Fred arrives to take command of the station, and Dresden offers to negotiate, clearly misunderstanding the reason for the assault. He offers to give the OPA whatever resources they need to go back to fighting their war (money, medical supplies, weapons, ordnance) if they’ll just leave and let the station get back to their very important work. Fred points out that they know about Eros, but Dresden insists no one knows what they did there, and there won’t be a better bargaining position for Fred when Earth sends its battleships. Fred basically calls Dresden Satan, but Dresden doesn’t understand the reference.

Hey all! This is a bit weird for me being almost 40 and looking for friends. But here I am anyways lol. Mainly looking for someone to message throughout the day and get to know. Maybe game with if we have that in common. I do work from home so there’s no one to really talk to during the day.
I’m married and have 2 kids, a 6 month old son and a 9 year old daughter. I’m into basic nerdy things. Gaming, star wars, super heroes, DnD, etc. Also trading card games like Disney Lorcana and Star Wars Unlimited.
I watch a ton of Critical Role stuff especially Campaign 3! Currently on episode 74, so if you watch too, let me know! Also like to watch Battle of the Brands on YouTube.
I’m also into movies and tv, some sports, pro wrestling. Collecting action figures and retro games is one of hobbies as well. Anything 80s/90s nostalgia i absolutely love so if you want to talk childhood and growing up back then, i’m down! I miss the good old days where we went to arcades and italian sunday dinners at the grandparents and where the world just wasn’t as nutso as it is today lol.
My kids are everything to me and I do love talking about them. Love being silly with them and spending time with them (when they aren’t driving me crazy 🤪 lol)..I would prefer you be around my age and have kids as well just so we have that stuff in common off the bat! I’m socially awkward most times but very easy to get along with. I’m definitely considered an introvert. But once you get to know me I break out of that awkward shell. I do like to use sarcasm, and mostly like to try and make people laugh because a world without laughter would just be horrible.
Alright i’ll shut up now but I’d like to think i’m an awesome person to get to know and hopefully there’s more you’d like to know so feel free to DM me! (I looove using GIFs so if you message me, open up with a funny one! Especially since then i’ll know you actually read this 😂)

finally

This is to all the people in my major, I am finally done. I stand by what I said about the CS program here being bad, but there are good professors here. Regardless, heres some advice.

Learn VIM

If you dont know vim you are depriving yourself of taking amazing notes and coding like a wizard, you will look like a god to those around you and you will be able to work in essentially any environment with a command line. It makes you insanely universal and you can really make it your own. there are great youtube channels online, and having a dotfiles on your github shows employers who care you spend the extra time making your environment your own.

personal projects

no calculator apps, this wont fly anymore. Go on youtube and find an app that looks super amazing and out of your depth and proceed to suck at making it.
You sucking is a good thing, you will pickup on so many frameworks once you admit you will suck at doing this. Making websites used to sound crazy, now its a matter on how i want to build it

Get uncomfortable

The people in this major are kind of anti-social so just talk to people and get into clubs. on the other hand, some people in this major have a head up their ass and think they know it all. find the people in the middle who are willing to work put in the effort to study after class.

For the gamers.

video game addiction really fucked my ethic. get an app like coldturkey and set hard locks on your computer if you know the tempation is real.

Leetcode

neetcode.io if you dont already know, leetcode is still the basis for all interviews worth having. you will be asked questions that appear somewhere on this site, getting good here is the key to employment.
vim, leetcode, talk to people. covid took alot from my experience here. unfortunately my college experience really dulled out because of the fact my time here was spent behind a screen. make friends. catchup to those who you havent caught up with in a while.
bye everyone.
Special shout out to Daniel Hammon, your work is appreciated.

Hey all! This is a bit weird for me being almost 40 and looking for friends. But here I am anyways lol. Mainly looking for someone to message throughout the day and get to know. Maybe game with if we have that in common. I do work from home so there’s no one to really talk to during the day.
I’m married and have 2 kids, a 6 month old son and a 9 year old daughter. I’m into basic nerdy things. Gaming, star wars, super heroes, DnD, anything Disney, etc. Also trading card games like Disney Lorcana and Star Wars Unlimited.
I watch a ton of Critical Role stuff especially Campaign 3! Currently on episode 74, so if you watch too, let me know! Also like to watch Battle of the Brands on YouTube.
I’m also into movies and tv, some sports, pro wrestling. Collecting action figures and retro games is one of hobbies as well. Anything 80s/90s nostalgia i absolutely love so if you want to talk childhood and growing up back then, i’m down! I miss the good old days where we went to arcades and italian sunday dinners at the grandparents and where the world just wasn’t as nutso as it is today lol.
My kids are everything to me and I do love talking about them. Love being silly with them and spending time with them (when they aren’t driving me crazy 🤪 lol)..I would prefer you be around my age and have kids as well just so we have that stuff in common off the bat! I’m socially awkward most times but very easy to get along with. I’m definitely considered an introvert. But once you get to know me I break out of that awkward shell. I do like to use sarcasm, and mostly like to try and make people laugh because a world without laughter would just be horrible.
Alright i’ll shut up now but I’d like to think i’m an awesome person to get to know and hopefully there’s more you’d like to know so feel free to DM me! (I looove using GIFs so if you message me, open up with a funny one! Especially since then i’ll know you actually read this 😂)

I've been making a short list of a rival re-write, it's mainly for me lol, but I'm considering making it a game or series of videos whenever I'm old enough to afford that or learn those skills. The list shows their name, their canon elimination, and lines to introduce them (reminiscent of the rival introduction YandereDev made)!
Here's the list so far:
Rival 1: Amai Odayaka
Canon Elimination: Poisoning (may be changed later, as I plan the canon eliminations to slowly go from safer to violent)
Rival Introduction (normal): Oh, Taro, you're just in time! I made cookies. Your favorite is chocolate chip, right?
Rival Introduction (blushing): You know, it's not a coincidence that I've been making your favorite food ever day...you deserve it, you know?
Rival 2: Sincere Ramirez (the only rival so far who isn't an in-game character)
Canon Elimination: Befriend
Rival introduction (normal): I'm so excited to be at this school! It's the best thing to happen to me!
Rival introduction (blushing): Taro, I knew you were nice online, but you're even cooler in person...we should hang out more.
Rival 3: Kokona Haruka
Canon Elimination: Drive to murder
Rival introduction (normal): Oh, Taro, it's nice to see you! Do you want to join Saki and I for lunch?
Rival introduction (blushing): Do you want to try out for the play with me? I think we'd get along swell together...
Rival 4: Midori Gurin
Canon Elimination: Stabbed (may change later)
Rival Introduction (normal): Oh yeah, I just got a high score in my game! I wonder if you can get a score higher than me, Taro, heh.
Rival Introduction (blushing): Hey, Taro? I know I always ask stupid questions, but have you always been that cute?
I don't know rivals 5 through 9
Rival 10: Osana Najimi
Canon Elimination: Befriend and betray
Rival Introduction (normal): Ugh, Taro, hurry up! I've been waiting forever!
Rival Introduction (blushing): Shut up, Sincere! I do not have a crush on him! He's just, um...let's change the subject, okay?

TLDR; I’m still “in love” with my FP. He reached out and i’m teetering the edge of spiraling. Help 🙃
I met and dated someone who quickly became my FP last year, and it was an absolute shitshow. The most beautiful love i’ve ever felt until it was me feeling like a full-blown “psycho”, begging him not to leave me while doing everything in my power to push him away, soul crushing devotion, all the usual things over the course of 6 months. I could yap about all the emotions and pain but if you’ve ever dated an FP and it didn’t work out, you probably get it.
I was undiagnosed and unmanaged at the time, and while I know he loved me too, a lot of my behaviors were probably scary and intimidating. They were definitely frustrating and difficult to deal with. He kept coming back every time he said we wouldn’t which somehow furthered the attachment. Id all but convinced myself it was this great love story where we just can’t leave eachother alone, we’re gonna make it through this and be that couple that grew & overcame together, etc. In reality he was probably just addicted to the thrill of being with someone who’s unstable until he realized we were unhealthy for eachother. He possessed the skills to walk away. I, clearly, do not.
I am in one of the worst places I’ve ever been as far as emptiness and SI. A few weeks ago, mid-episode, i asked him if he thought we could ever be friends and he told me he’s dating someone. This, obviously, triggered me deeply. I’ve barely been able to avoid falling back into the dependency behaviors I’ve acted on in the past (blowing up his phone, begging him to hang out with me, losing my mind when he doesn’t want me), but even 7 months after breaking up I think about him and miss him every. single. day.
ANYWAYS, I woke up to a text from him this morning. Some stupid meme that we would have laughed at together in the past. It took me an hour and a half of typing and re-typing my response to reply to him. Since, I’ve been checking my phone nonstop, feeling rejected and disgusted with myself while also wanting to physically be next to him more than anything.
Any advice to try and stop the inevitable spiral and embarrassing (hating) myself yet again? Tell me i’m being an idiot maybe? I don’t want to do this but I know myself and it just gets worse from here. I just started DBT and have only made it through the intro so i don’t actually possess very many skills…at all.

Hi, you can call me Storm! I'm 30 and the mom of a loud and demanding cat.
I’m a multiple paragraphs/novella style writer. I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. Not every reply has to be novella length, however. If there are action or dialogue heavy scenes, I tend to do a shorter back and forth to keep the momentum going.
I only do MxF (with me writing the female role). I don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along.
I'm really hoping to find a friendship, someone who can add to our story, and most importantly, someone who wants a long-term connection.It's difficult for me to write with someone if I don't feel that genuine bond. It's also important to me to have a high level of activity, with at least one reply a day.
If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging interest spaced a week apart. But feel free to message me if you want to pick the story back up again, even months later.
Searching For:

• 21+ partners (Our characters will be 21+ as well)
  
• An excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies)
  
• Enthusiasm to chat about our character and ship, how to crush them and then gushing over fluffy moments. I love crying over characters and what the heck they’re doing. I want my heart ripped from my chest from angst, then feeling like it’s going to burst from overwhelming cuteness. I want us to love these characters and the world we create. I want to make pinterest boards, spotify playlists, graphics, and toss headcanons back and forth until late at night.
  
• Have an idea for a scene? Found a picture that inspired you? Send it to me! Be invested when it comes to plotting/worldbuilding. There’s nothing worse than receiving one sentence in reply to two paragraphs of ideas, or having a doormat partner who says “sure” to whatever I ask. Building ideas one on top of the other, watching them snowball into amazing plot threads brings me joy. But having to pull plot ideas like I’m pulling teeth makes me think you’re not interested, and I will lose interest in return. Don't make me carry the entire story.
  
• While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. Though I draw the line at anime/cartoon style art.
  

Interests:
modern fantasy, monsters, sci-fi, post apocalyptic/dystopia, soulmates, southern gothic/midwest gothic (i’m a sucker for that southern/texas drawl), horror, grumpy dark men x fiery sweet women, height/size difference, enemies to lovers, slow burn romance, spooky small towns, mysteries/crime, and much more!
I have lots of original plot ideas in mind as well.
Fandoms (OCS ONLY)
Star Wars, Stranger Things, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, The Last of Us, Hunger Games, Fallout (TV Show)
I only use discord to write. Drop me a PM or chat message. The most effective way to grab my genuine interest is by messaging me as if we've been friends for years. Please let me know which interests you liked from my ad.

Hi, you can call me Storm! I'm 30 and the mom of a loud and demanding cat.
I’m a multiple paragraphs/novella style writer. I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. Not every reply has to be novella length, however. If there are action or dialogue heavy scenes, I tend to do a shorter back and forth to keep the momentum going.
I only do MxF (with me writing the female role). I don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along.
I'm really hoping to find a friendship, someone who can add to our story, and most importantly, someone who wants a long-term connection.It's difficult for me to write with someone if I don't feel that genuine bond. It's also important to me to have a high level of activity, with at least one reply a day.
If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging interest spaced a week apart. But feel free to message me if you want to pick the story back up again, even months later.
Searching For:

• 21+ partners (Our characters will be 21+ as well)
  
• An excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies)
  
• Enthusiasm to chat about our character and ship, how to crush them and then gushing over fluffy moments. I love crying over characters and what the heck they’re doing. I want my heart ripped from my chest from angst, then feeling like it’s going to burst from overwhelming cuteness. I want us to love these characters and the world we create. I want to make pinterest boards, spotify playlists, graphics, and toss headcanons back and forth until late at night.
  
• Have an idea for a scene? Found a picture that inspired you? Send it to me! Be invested when it comes to plotting/worldbuilding. There’s nothing worse than receiving one sentence in reply to two paragraphs of ideas, or having a doormat partner who says “sure” to whatever I ask. Building ideas one on top of the other, watching them snowball into amazing plot threads brings me joy. But having to pull plot ideas like I’m pulling teeth makes me think you’re not interested, and I will lose interest in return. Don't make me carry the entire story.
  
• While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. Though I draw the line at anime/cartoon style art.
  

Interests:
modern fantasy, monsters, sci-fi, post apocalyptic/dystopia, soulmates, southern gothic/midwest gothic (i’m a sucker for that southern/texas drawl), horror, grumpy dark men x fiery sweet women, height/size difference, enemies to lovers, slow burn romance, spooky small towns, mysteries/crime, and much more!
I have lots of original plot ideas in mind as well.
Fandoms (OCS ONLY)
Star Wars, Stranger Things, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, The Last of Us, Hunger Games, Fallout (TV Show)
I only use discord to write. Drop me a PM or chat message. The most effective way to grab my genuine interest is by messaging me as if we've been friends for years. Please let me know which interests you liked from my ad.

Hi, you can call me Storm! I'm 30 and the mom of a loud and demanding cat.
I’m a multiple paragraphs/novella style writer. I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. Not every reply has to be novella length, however. If there are action or dialogue heavy scenes, I tend to do a shorter back and forth to keep the momentum going.
I only do MxF (with me writing the female role). I don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along.
I'm really hoping to find a friendship, someone who can add to our story, and most importantly, someone who wants a long-term connection.It's difficult for me to write with someone if I don't feel that genuine bond. It's also important to me to have a high level of activity, with at least one reply a day.
If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging interest spaced a week apart. But feel free to message me if you want to pick the story back up again, even months later.
Searching For:

• 21+ partners (Our characters will be 21+ as well)
  
• An excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies)
  
• Enthusiasm to chat about our character and ship, how to crush them and then gushing over fluffy moments. I love crying over characters and what the heck they’re doing. I want my heart ripped from my chest from angst, then feeling like it’s going to burst from overwhelming cuteness. I want us to love these characters and the world we create. I want to make pinterest boards, spotify playlists, graphics, and toss headcanons back and forth until late at night.
  
• Have an idea for a scene? Found a picture that inspired you? Send it to me! Be invested when it comes to plotting/worldbuilding. There’s nothing worse than receiving one sentence in reply to two paragraphs of ideas, or having a doormat partner who says “sure” to whatever I ask. Building ideas one on top of the other, watching them snowball into amazing plot threads brings me joy. But having to pull plot ideas like I’m pulling teeth makes me think you’re not interested, and I will lose interest in return. Don't make me carry the entire story.
  
• While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. Though I draw the line at anime/cartoon style art.
  

Interests:
modern fantasy, monsters, sci-fi, post apocalyptic/dystopia, soulmates, southern gothic/midwest gothic (i’m a sucker for that southern/texas drawl), horror, grumpy dark men x fiery sweet women, height/size difference, enemies to lovers, slow burn romance, spooky small towns, mysteries/crime, and much more!
I have lots of original plot ideas in mind as well.
Fandoms (OCS ONLY)
Star Wars, Stranger Things, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, The Last of Us, Hunger Games, Fallout (TV Show)
I only use discord to write. Drop me a PM or chat message. The most effective way to grab my genuine interest is by messaging me as if we've been friends for years. Please let me know which interests you liked from my ad.

Hey there! I am a 30 year old guy from Upstate New York looking for someone that wants to make an emotional connection, and would like to put efforts into conversations.
A bit about me: I'm 6’1". I get height can be a big deal for some women so I think it's best to just put it out there first 😅 I've got black hair, brownish black eyes. Average body, I'm muscular and wanting to start exercising both for health and a little bit for better shape. I like to think I'm fairly attractive but then most of us grew up with a relative always telling us we were not handsome or cute, etc. we can share pictures once we establish some comfort zone. If education is important, I am a college graduate with post-graduation degree as well. Now working as an engineer.
I have to lead with the fact that I can be pretty sarcastic at times. I also joke and (playfully) tease. I'm pretty easy going/chill and I like to keep things light and fun, but also enjoy getting into the really deep conversations as well. I'm a sucker for the whole good morning and goodnight text thing as well as checking in on those busier days. That doesn’t mean we have to just message good morning and good night for the whole week. Haha. I think most important part of knowing someone via online platform is initial conversations and if you don’t have enough time let me know otherwise that conversation is dead in no time.
I love animals. I've always felt very connected and attached to them and just enjoy interacting with them. While I am more of a dog person pet-wise, cats are still pretty cool in my book. Cats are more complex though I love the mysterious nature.
Anything outdoors is great in my opinion. Just feel like going for a walk? Let's do it. I do kayaking a bit in the summers, fish, hike, go for drives. I have the habit of occasionally stopping and taking pictures of plants and flowers I see around (I'm always down to share!). While sending me message write code - “I3U” so that I know it’s someone who actually read my post. Didn’t write in the end cuz some people might just skip to end. This doesn’t mean that you just send me the code. I am strictly gonna monitor now. I have skimmed through soo many texts and my innocent heart always gives chances, I am gonna try to be little strict this time.
It's not just the outdoors I love. I can also get down with chill days at home binging something on Netflix or playing something on my PC. Let's face it, I'm a bit if a nerd (everyone has something nerd about themselves) and if you like Jurassic park, board games, Any Mafia movies, gaming, etc we will get along great. I'm a sucker for horror movies as well and am always looking for recommendations. I listen to a lot of music. I shouldn’t brag but I listen to english ,german, Spanish, french and Hindi songs. Born and brought up in India. Hence, hindi songs.
A bit about (possibly) you: I'd prefer if you were in some sort of professional environment and ambitious. I'm not extremely picky about things like hair and eye color. Height is also not a big deal. If you're alot smaller than me and worried that it's something you’ll be insecure about, it's not. The big thing for me is personality. I think personality can make us a lot more or a lot less attractive. I want someone that is genuinely kind and sweet, someone that likes to laugh, someone that's not afraid to be goofy.
A final note: I'm a single guy and looking for someone dynamic. Sometimes I can respond immediately and sometimes it takes a minute due to the obvious circumstances. I also don't expect you to respond immediately to every message, I get that we all have lives and can be busy at times. It would be awesome if you are up for a voice chat. And please please when responding write something about yourself.
If any if this sounds remotely interesting to you, feel free to reach out via reddit dm or chat!

Hi , hello, hey!! I will say straight away that if you're only interested in nsfw then I AM NOT your girl. Also I can be needy and clingy ! I suffer quite bad with anxiety (who doesnt) i require regular communication, mainly calls and voice notes if you're down? Still here? Great! Im not interested in dating anyone outside of the UK! Mainly because I wanna meet up regularly etc and go on lots of adventures!
Anyways.. hello! curvy, (thicc thighs save lives am I right?) Girl here! Ready and waiting for the one! I have short hair.. with an awesome undercut, you could say im alt? I'm constantly dying it! . I'm more extroverted then introverted so if you are too that would be great. I'm also super impatient lol so you'll have to get good at replying quick ! 😅. I bake , I play video games! Playstation for life! . If you're also a ps console boy then you already have my attention. I also love a good flirt! You can flirt with without making it sexual? Im Not interested in being used either..🤷‍♀️.
My type would be someone who looks after themselves ! Is fit and healthy, has great hygiene and a witty sense of humour. Facial hair is attractive in my eyes so no need to worry about shaving!although its not super important if you dont! I prefer guys taller then me (I'm 5'4ft). Communication is super important too, so if you're the type to ghost then please don't waste your time. UK is my preferred location ! I'm 2hrs from London (wilts) although I don't drive. My age preference is 25 - 35. Although I'm willing to go a little older .. maybe a little younger !
Again I can't stress enough that the key to my heart is all of the above and more! I'm 100% ready for something serious.. I'd like a photo too so I can see who I'm talking too. And if you read my entire post then please include a 👌. Anyways I look forward to meeting you!

I see so much hate for vr especially recently, saying its expensive, makes you motionsick and has no games. but when games come out the same flatscreen supremacists complain that its a vr game. most notably the new batman arkham VR only game.
I hear a lot about motion sickness (me personally i dont even have any friends that get motionsick and ive never gotten it myself so i dont think its as normal as people think) and you can still build up your "vr legs"
And about vr being expensive. most people have a pc and a quest 2 costs under 300 right now. so if people can spend hundreds on random games and ingame currency they can definitely afford vr.
I cant go back to flatscreen after vr, im still gonna play games like TLOU or cyberpunk but the immersion vr gives you is unmatched.
What i think is that people that hate on vr are the same people that have never tried it, or tried it got sick and instead of taking a break tried to push through and got turned off by the experince.
Simply put, vr is just better than flatscreen and you cant change my mind.

Hey there! I am a 30 year old guy from Upstate New York looking for someone that wants to make an emotional connection.
A bit about me: I'm 6’1". I get height can be a big deal for some women so I think it's best to just put it out there first 😅 I've got black hair, brownish black eyes. Average body, I'm muscular and wanting to start exercising both for health and a little bit for better shape. I like to think I'm fairly attractive but then most of us grew up with a relative always telling us we were not handsome or cute, etc. we can share pictures once we establish some comfort zone. If education is important, I am a college graduate with post-graduation degree as well. Now working as an engineer.
I have to lead with the fact that I can be pretty sarcastic at times. I also joke and (playfully) tease. I'm pretty easy going/chill and I like to keep things light and fun, but also enjoy getting into the really deep conversations as well. I'm a sucker for the whole good morning and goodnight text thing as well as checking in on those busier days. That doesn’t mean we have to just message good morning and good night for the whole week. Haha. I think most important part of knowing someone via online platform is initial conversations and if you don’t have enough time let me know otherwise that conversation is dead in no time.
I love animals. I've always felt very connected and attached to them and just enjoy interacting with them. While I am more of a dog person pet-wise, cats are still pretty cool in my book. Cats are more complex though I love the mysterious nature.
Anything outdoors is great in my opinion. Just feel like going for a walk? Let's do it. I do kayaking a bit in the summers, fish, hike, go for drives. I have the habit of occasionally stopping and taking pictures of plants and flowers I see around (I'm always down to share!). While sending me message write code - “I2U” so that I know it’s someone who actually read my post. Didn’t write in the end cuz some people might just skip to end. This doesn’t mean that you just send me the code. I am strictly gonna monitor now. I have skimmed through soo many texts and my innocent heart always gives chances, I am gonna try to be little strict this time.
It's not just the outdoors I love. I can also get down with chill days at home binging something on Netflix or playing something on my PC. Let's face it, I'm a bit if a nerd (everyone has something nerd about themselves) and if you like Jurassic park, board games, Any Mafia movies, gaming, etc we will get along great. I'm a sucker for horror movies as well and am always looking for recommendations. I listen to a lot of music. I shouldn’t brag but I listen to english ,german, Spanish, french and Hindi songs. Born and brought up in India. Hence, hindi songs.
A bit about (possibly) you: I'd prefer if you were in some sort of professional environment and ambitious. I'm not extremely picky about things like hair and eye color. Height is also not a big deal. If you're alot smaller than me and worried that it's something you’ll be insecure about, it's not. The big thing for me is personality. I think personality can make us a lot more or a lot less attractive. I want someone that is genuinely kind and sweet, someone that likes to laugh, someone that's not afraid to be goofy.
A final note: I'm a single guy and looking for someone dynamic. Sometimes I can respond immediately and sometimes it takes a minute due to the obvious circumstances. I also don't expect you to respond immediately to every message, I get that we all have lives and can be busy at times. It would be awesome if you are up for a voice chat. And please when responding write something about yourself.
If any if this sounds remotely interesting to you, feel free to reach out via reddit dm or chat!

this arent nightmares,they are dreams, my nighmares are things i cant describe even if i was god so,ive been having this dreams ,almost everynight sicne my birth they go in to 1 of 3 categories

1. crisis :in this dream type, my family dies in wierd days, of all my dreams this is a 50%
2. in this type of dream, im alone,alone in the whole place the dream has been placed in, usualy followed up with a super power of soem kind to traverse the weird terain of the place im placed trhough of all my dreams this is a 49.9%
3. 0.1% super rare, this are dreams that make me almost punch the wall out of happines that it ended, you allways know that its adream in the other 2 types, but in this one,it feels real,it feals like reality in this type of dream, im placed in,places simular to type 2s ,strange terain, where one hollway comes up behind you, or staircases go nowhere, almost allways in a house of some sorts, simular to the backrooms i think, tho,in this type of dream , im not alone, ive played a game recently called, "it steals" ,and the feeling i felt when playing that game is the thing i can most deifnelty say, is what i feel when im in a type 3, the things i see in there, i m not going to describve it as ive learned that the more you think of them the higher the chance it becomes i get one

so , respectfully things in my dreams, that dont let me sleep fuck you ,and lets not meet

Hey there! I am a 30 year old guy from Upstate New York looking for someone that wants to make an emotional connection.
A bit about me: I'm 6’1". I get height can be a big deal for some women so I think it's best to just put it out there first 😅 I've got black hair, brownish black eyes. Average body, I'm muscular and wanting to start exercising both for health and a little bit for better shape. I like to think I'm fairly attractive but then most of us grew up with a relative always telling us we were not handsome or cute, etc. we can share pictures once we establish some comfort zone. If education is important, I am a college graduate with post-graduation degree as well. Now working as an engineer.
I have to lead with the fact that I can be pretty sarcastic at times. I also joke and (playfully) tease. I'm pretty easy going/chill and I like to keep things light and fun, but also enjoy getting into the really deep conversations as well. I'm a sucker for the whole good morning and goodnight text thing as well as checking in on those busier days. That doesn’t mean we have to just message good morning and good night for the whole week. Haha. I think most important part of knowing someone via online platform is initial conversations and if you don’t have enough time let me know otherwise that conversation is dead in no time.
I love animals. I've always felt very connected and attached to them and just enjoy interacting with them. While I am more of a dog person pet-wise, cats are still pretty cool in my book. Cats are more complex though I love the mysterious nature.
Anything outdoors is great in my opinion. Just feel like going for a walk? Let's do it. I do kayaking a bit in the summers, fish, hike, go for drives. I have the habit of occasionally stopping and taking pictures of plants and flowers I see around (I'm always down to share!). While sending me message write code - “I4U” so that I know it’s someone who actually read my post. Didn’t write in the end cuz some people might just skip to end. This doesn’t mean that you just send me the code. I am strictly gonna monitor now. I have skimmed through soo many texts and my innocent heart always gives chances, I am gonna try to be little strict this time.
It's not just the outdoors I love. I can also get down with chill days at home binging something on Netflix or playing something on my PC. Let's face it, I'm a bit if a nerd (everyone has something nerd about themselves) and if you like Jurassic park, board games, Any Mafia movies, gaming, etc we will get along great. I'm a sucker for horror movies as well and am always looking for recommendations. I listen to a lot of music. I shouldn’t brag but I listen to english ,german, Spanish, french and Hindi songs. Born and brought up in India. Hence, hindi songs.
A bit about (possibly) you: I'd prefer if you were in some sort of professional environment and ambitious. I'm not extremely picky about things like hair and eye color. Height is also not a big deal. If you're alot smaller than me and worried that it's something you’ll be insecure about, it's not. The big thing for me is personality. I think personality can make us a lot more or a lot less attractive. I want someone that is genuinely kind and sweet, someone that likes to laugh, someone that's not afraid to be goofy.
A final note: I'm a single guy and looking for someone dynamic. Sometimes I can respond immediately and sometimes it takes a minute due to the obvious circumstances. I also don't expect you to respond immediately to every message, I get that we all have lives and can be busy at times. It would be awesome if you are up for a voice chat. And please when responding write something about yourself.
If any if this sounds remotely interesting to you, feel free to reach out via reddit dm or chat!

Me (21M) and my best friend “I will call him Jason in this post” (20M) have been friends for almost a decade. And for the last few years, he’s mostly been my only friend. He’s not the most social person either so we spent a lot of time together. We always had mostly similar passions and interests, we have the same humour and therefore had a lot of great times. I experienced a lot of great things together with him, like some really cool trips, or experimenting a little with drugs etc.. Therefore I hold a lot of value to this friendship.
But now for why I’m making this post. For the past few months or maybe even for the last year and a half, things haven’t been the same. When I graduated from school and started at university I tried to use the chance and tried to socialise more. This isn’t easy for me but I found some friends at university that are really cool and I think they find me cool as well. Of course we’re meeting up sometimes, and sometimes I brought Jason along because I thought it’ll be funny and we would have a good time. But it wasn’t, he was quite for almost the whole duration of the meet ups. Even when trying my best to include him it didn’t work out and that made things a bit awkward tbh and I regretted bringing him with me. After multiple times of him not saying anything to anyone i just stopped inviting him, which maybe is uncool from me but no way he actually enjoyed being there. I of course still spend most of the time with him, just for when others are involved I don’t bring him with me. He didn’t say anything to me about wanting to come to such meet ups so that’s just how it is now. My Problem with this is that like I said I mostly didn’t have many friends as a teenager, it was just him. But now I’m a bit older and I don’t want sitting on a bench and smoking weed alone with him be the only thing I do when going out anymore. And he just doesn’t seem to be wanting the same. This of course is really far away from quitting a friendship that lasted a decade, but there has been something else that combined with what I described right now makes me doubt the future of this friendship.
The second Problem is his Attitude in the last one and a half years. In some Moments he is annoyingly sensitive. I’m not a bad guy, I don’t say stuff that may hurt other people just for my own amusement. But of course I, like everybody else, like to do some banter, normal things in a friendship I would say. But for quite some time he can’t take a fucking joke and it’s really unbearable. Like for example last week we wanted to play a shooter game which we played a lot a few years ago, yk for the good old times and stuff. We talked about it the whole week and organised when we would do it. We both are really busy with university right now so time for hour long gaming sessions is spare, we said let’s do it on friday and I was really excited the whole week. Then Friday comes and I was ready for gaming with my bro for the whole night, the first round starts and I die very soon, my skills were a bit rusty. He was still alive and when he got approached by enemies he missed his whole magazine without one hitting one bullet. In my opinion this was a funny situation and I laughed a bit and said something along the lines of "damn not even one hit", after that he didn’t say anything and after a few minutes he said that he wants to go off. We wanted to play for the whole night but finished after 20 minutes because he didn’t like my comment I guess? I personally think this is silly behaviour and this didn’t happen for the first time, I could give you even more examples but don’t want this to get too long. This change in attitude btw happened before I started having some other friends so I think there’s no connection. And I know for a fact that everything’s going fine at home, so no extra stress or something that bothers him. Therefore I have to assume that this is just the person he developed into and I’m going to be honest I personally can’t really stand it. I of course asked him if everything’s right when such things happened but he always said that everything’s fine and pointed to blame to me.
So this is the situation and like I said in the title, I don’t know if this is worth it anymore. I without a doubt wouldn’t wanna be friends with a person that behaves like this but we’ve been best friends for a long time and I feel bad for maybe ending this. Therefore I’m asking you for help, is there maybe something I can do or what would you do in this situation? Or should I just accept that it’s over?
Thanks in Regards.
tl;dr : Best friend makes it hard to be friends with him and I don’t know if the friendship is worth it anymore

I'm not a pvper in osrs. But I love it in wow. I'm a filthy casual dad that works all week and there's not many things better than getting home and smashing out a game or two of battlegrounds in wow.
So it got me thinking, with all the talk of pvp and zombie pirates not hitting the spot, how do you make pvp more popular in osrs. It's just not accessible enough.
LMS is very close to a accessible concept, all you have to do is queue up, no 100s of hours to curate an account build, and you don't lose any items when you die. But, the big issue is the skill gap between avid players and casuals. Casuals dip their toes in, only to find out its to hard to learn with an the tribidding and switching.
So, I propose a similar concept to Lms. Queue up in to 10v10 team matches, with a goal, such as capture the flag, or king of the hill. But to ensure the casual players have a chance, you must select a single class before playing: mage, ranger, or melee. You can't deal any other damage. This also encourages team work, much like battlegrounds in wow.
I think this lowers the barrier to entry for casual players, and decreases the skill gap. And once someone likes pvp, they're much more likely to seek it out in other areas as they gain confidence.

A little back story, my sister is like a second mom to me. She always took care of me when I was younger, we had a little gap in our relationship once I reached my teenage years until I turned 22 I believe. She also helped me out a lot as an adult when I was doing bad, and helped with the kids, which I am very grateful for. I am doing 100% better financially and life wise thankfully and we grew very close. She comes over to my house daily and we chat. I love her very much. She is or was? My best friend.
On Friday, our mom had a gastric balloon inserted and the plan was that my sister will drive her to the hospital, and then she will drop mom off to stay with me and I will look after her for a week.
Unfortunately, or irresponsibly I kept postponing my oil change and drove 400 miles over and my plan was to get that done and a few other tasks on Friday before it was time to get kids from school and watch mom. Plans changed and my sister made an appointment on Friday at 10 AM and I had to go to the hospital and switch out with her. My mom and I left the hospital around 11:30 AM. I called my sister, asked her if she will be able to come keep mom’s company at 3, so I can get kids, change oil, and go get my bonus child “A” from an hour away. She told me no she cannot leave work, and I said ok. She asked me “why?” I answered and told her my to do list. She told me everything can be postponed till Saturday, and my husband can borrow her car and pick up “A” alone. I said “aww ok” she asked why do you wanna go anyways? I told her I enjoy it. She told me ok well u got a more important task which is take care of mom. I agreed and we hung up.
My mom overheard me mention my oil change. She said she was okay because of the strong meds and to go get it done because its bad for the car. I asked her are you sure? About three times before I turned away from the house and went to get it changed. Now, I know what I did was wrong. I should’ve just kept it to myself and drove us home. I was a bit stressed because of the over 400 miles and indeed could’ve waited till Saturday. I was selfish and very wrong for it and was unaware mom was being a mom.
My sister called me yelling and said angrily: “Where are you?! Ima come get mom! Screw my important work I’ll call in so u can go enjoy doing things” Me: “Take 5.” and she proceeded to yell at me extremely loudly bc I’m at Take 5 and about how selfish and unreliable I am. I asked her why is she talking to me like this? She said because I don’t want to watch our mom. I’m selfish, etc. I said to her that was not what happened and that I agreed to watch her and I have no issues. She accused me of gaslighting and that I am only watching her because she “blocked” all the excuses I had to not watch her by lending my husband her car for the long drive, and suggesting it can wait until Saturday. I said “that’s not what happened. You asked me why I was asking you to watch our mom.” (I thought I was talkin to a friend and told her whats on my mind..) Her “This is the first time I see a toxic trait from you!!” and kept interrupting me (the whole time yelling) “I’M NOT UR EFFIN HUSBAND I’M NOT GONNA GO IN CIRCLES WITH YOU. I’M ON MY WAY TO GET HER.” I said “ok I’ll see u” and we said bye then before hanging up she said in a disgusted tone “Gaslighting bich” I sent her the address and texted her that she was very mean.. She called me immediately yelling “You wanna fight?! I’ll fkin fight” and said many mean things yelling… I said “No. I’m not trying to” she kept going off and I repeated many Okay’s as I couldn’t let a sentence out.
The oil change was done, and I had to leave the area, so I called her to let her know. “Hey where are you? I just got done and left take 5” She started screaming at me even more “Are we playing games?!! I’m already effin here!“ Me: “I had to leave to the main road, Take 5 exit force-“ Her: “ ENOUGH WITH THE EXCUSES! COME BACK IMMEDIATELY! YOU SHOULD’VE CHECKED WITH ME BEFORE LEAVING.” Me: thats what I was doing… but no worries I am making a U-Turn, I literally just left.” She said many things and I just kept saying “ok” she called me disrespectful for saying many okays and hung up.
I immediately started crying because I felt so bad about myself. The whole time I was talking in a respectful tone and I felt so misunderstood.. she was not listening to me. Maybe I’m sensitive..I understand what I did was selfish, but I believe in effective communication and not attacking ppl.
Mother’s day comes up, she texts me abt a present at the door. She bought me a balloon and a teddy with flowers with a really sweet note. Mind you, I did not talk to her for almost two days. I was giving her space bc when I tried telling her she was mean to me she went off on me even more. I texted her thank u and cant wait for the day where we celebrate it together. (She wants to be a mom soon)
Monday, mom comes over and my sister calls her and finds out she is at my house. My sister called me and asked “why are you not talking to me?” I said because of Friday. The yelling and calling me gaslighter, toxic, b*ch really hurt my feelings. She yelled at me some more and said “after everything I’ve done for you, YOU cutting ME off?!! YOU?!” And listed a few major things she done for me and that she has a car seat in her car right now for whenever I needed help. Her: “WHO DOES THAT FOR SOMEONE? NOBODY!” Me: “I know you’re a great sister , bu-“ Her:“YOU UPSET WITH ME? WHAT U DID WAS WORSE! AWFUL AND SELFISH”
I couldn’t get a sentence out. She was crying, I was crying. I said please let me talk.. she said go ahead and right as I was starting my sentence she told me she wants nothing to do with me, or my kids. To not show up at her wedding or house or else cops will be called. Then blocked me.
I found out she forgot to block me on an app so I messaged her there but then she blocked me there too without reading any.
Yesterday, Friday, I was driving mom to DPS to get her D.L & sis called mom and asked her to put her on speaker. She indirectly was talking to me “Hey mom I think “M” is tryna come up with excuses to not show up, and using the cops as an excuse. She obviously has lots of grudges deep inside towards me bc no way all these feelings came out of nowhere. She is hateful inside.”
She said I have a victim mentality, and need serious mental help and that I knew she was all talk and sisters fight.
I responded: “I’m not used to being yelled at, disowned and blocked casually. Never happened before. Of course I took it seriously.”
Her: “Obviously I will not call the cops on u if u show up. There ya go. I did what I should do & invited u and ur welcomed but it makes no difference to me whether u show up or not bc now I know where I stand. What my “value” is to you. Obviously ur looking for a reason to not talk to me or show up to my wedding. Just know ur welcomed but idc if u come or not.”
I love her very much but my feelings were hurt badly.. She said I am unappreciative and “you know whats going on with me! I have many issues, the wedding, work/school, and just got my period!” then compared herself to my husband who yelled at me last week that “I kiss his a** and excuse him, but me, u dont excuse me and stopped talking to me for two days?”
Me: “that is not true bc my spouse and I didnt talk till he apolog-“
Her: u know that BS
Me: I always excuse yo-
Anywho she said “we will never go back to being close again.” and as a sister I am welcomed to the wedding. I said to her that I am too old to be yelled and screamed at like this, we’re not kids anymore. She said “Shame on u to say that. That’s exactly what a child would say. If you’re so mature you would’ve came and talked to me like an adult and let me know that you’re upset with me.”
Me: “that’s literally what I did and got screamed at and insulted, I gave you spa-”
Her: stop I’m not acknowledging what ur saying and ur not acknowledging what I’m saying so its best to not talk until you can comprehend what I’m saying. For tonight, lay in bed and put yourself in my shoes. Picture everything I’ve done for you and how you’re treating me.”
Me *sobbing: “BUT I ONLY DIDNT TALK TO YOU FOR TWOO DAYYYYSSS I WAS GIVING YOU SPACEEE YOU WERE YELLING ATT MEE. I SAID A COMMENT TO YOU AND YOU DIDNT TALK TO ME FOR TWO WEEKS AND I APOLOGIZED ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DA-“
Her: Yes and then I came over even cried and apologized for cutting you off for two weeks.”
Me: finishing my sentence I EXPRESSED TO YOU HOW YOU HURT MY FEELINGS U BLOCKED ME AND DISOWNED ME.”
Her: “Yes. and I apologize for calling u a gaslighting bi*ch.”
Me: U DIDNT.
Her “I am now! I just said I APOLOGIZE. And look at you I am talking to you all normal and look at you all yelling at me and I’m still cool and calm.”
Me: “ I WASNT YELLIN I AM SOBBING MY VOICE IS CRACKED IM CRYING AND MOM HAS YOU ON SPEAKER AND I AM DRIVING ON A HIGHWAY”
Her: “no u were yelling. Even ask “S” I have u on speaker she hears u right now. You have a victim mentality, bro. Seriously. If this is how u see it then u just got a victim mentality. I’m genuine ur sick u need that checked out thats very serious.” (S is my other sister, here for the wedding)
Me: “Idk maybe I do. All I know is this is how I feel. I’m very hurt.”
Her: “What broke me the most is that I got you a mother’s day present like an idiot and lost a part of my pride unknowingly while ur there upset. What? Ur waiting for me to come kiss ur a**?”
DetailsI said an insulting comment a few months ago. She spotted and I told her its abnormal and that preggos usually spot. I know she’s a virgin, and have no doubts. That’s why I said it is abnormal. She thought I was hinting she was pregnant, yelled at me and said “YOU THINK EVERYONE IS A WHRE LIKE YOU?!” and she didnt talk to me for two weeks. I cried and apologized to her many times at the time, but she was too angry. Which is why I thought in this current situation space would be a good idea because she seemed very angry at me, but I guess I was wrong.
I am losing my mind. I feel so wronged but she says I’m wrong?! She said I do not value or appreciate her bc I didnt let her know I was upset and that I purposely didn’t talk to her for two days? But when I said “it goes both ways! U do not value me u rather disown me and block me over-“
Her: “theres a big difference between u and me. I did a lot for u. We’re not the same.” Her: “go trauma bond with your husband over what I did and disrespect me together. Isn’t trauma bond the reason y’all together? You’re welcome”
WHAAAAT?!! HOW CAN I DISRESPECT MY SIS OR ALLOW MY HUSBAND TO DISRESPECT HER?!!
She was very angry that she bought me a mothers day present and said if she had known I was upset she wouldn’t have gotten me a teddy. I said “u didn’t know bc I’m the one that got yelled at..” she shut me up basically and said I am sick in the head and love to be a victim.. I’m so frustrated.
What should I do? I am very hurt but also don’t want to make it a bigger deal by not showing up. I felt like dirt.. I’m not a punching bag.. she doesnt yell at me often. Just this week.. Last week she yelled at me for parking her car wrong and I apologized then texted her and apologized some more bc she was furious and then she said its ok that she was just hungry… How is it my fault she’s hungry?
Do I show up to the wedding? Do I let our relationship die and just be casual sisters? Do I apologize to her for overreacting?
P.s. all the dashes are her cutting me off.
I wish it allowed me to upload screenshots of what I texted her

Heyy everyone, Regardless of whoever is looking this I hope that you are going through a good day! As for me I did have a pretty good day!, I talked to my close friends and spent the last 3 hours playing badminton 😂🎖
Imagine this usual scenario......you ever see posts/reels in Instagram/TikTok and wonder when do I get someone who's sweet and caring like that...? Well, it's the same for me as well! I really want to find someone whom I can treat really well like those in romantic novels/K-Drama's haha~
P. S I'm open to LDR as long as we feel we vibe :)
Now, here is what I can offer, I am usually non-biased and straightforward and I am on both emotional/logical side people say that I'm a great listener, So I promise that whenever you come online, I'll listen to you Rant/discuss how much of a great day you are having or if you are having a bad day, let's talk about it and we can make it better :).
what I do expect from you: I just want someone who is willing to open up just as much as I am
Some of my hobbies: I play badminton and practise piano and exercise regurarly as well and I love watching movies/reading manga and all, I'm a big nerd when it comes to sci-fi and other stuff, but there isn't any genre that I don't like. I love reading books and playing online games as well but I don't know where to start, so we can be gaming buds as well!
I don't really mind the ages or anything like that and if in the off chance that I do get lucky, maybe we can start from LDR and end at "I do"? hahaha
If you made it until the end thank you :) I'll let you on a little secret before you go!
Do you know you can't feel your tongue while smiling, haha got you! there you gooo ....smile a bit and have a nice day :

Please don’t come for me!! I’m a big fan and collect all her books and will always read them. Please don’t tell me “just don’t read them” the books were very comforting to me at a time I needed them but that doesn’t mean I can’t be open to discussion about her recent work and how her new direction or perhaps rush to put out books might be affecting quality.
I’m part of her Facebook group as well; which is strictly a fan page.
Spoilers ahead !
Here goes:
I guess I expected Sloane to be a character who looked like Bridget but with the personality of Jules. Instead she behaved exactly like Allesandra, Isabel and Vivian. Speaking of Bridget, the Queen was more icy than Sloan (the series' designated Ice Queen) and she was supposed to be Rhy's sunny counterpart. We were constantly TOLD how icy and emotionless she was and never really shown it. Instead, we find out she's actually insecure and has a lot of issues, which yes is realistic to how Ice Queens typically form their avoidant personalities, but it would have been great to see a few chapters of her being icy before we peel the layers and find out why she puts up these icy walls.
If the book was supposed to be about how she’s NOT the ice queen people think she is…that wasn’t exactly shown either. She does admit it herself that she is icy, just hates that she is and hates being called that.
Xavier is the Jojo Siwa of bad boys. He was a bad boy, he did some bad things. The things that made him Colombia’s biggest bad boy with a bad boy reputation known all over the word: Parties with other rich kids, spends his wealthy father’s money, refuses to behave at publicity events like galas, refuses to inherit his family’s company, gets into shenanigans that land him in a night in jail with other rich kids, got a tattoo of his family rival’ crest….this one’s more stupid than “sticking it to his family”, slept around with whether model/It Girl was around. In the words of Phoebe Buffay “Okay, who hasn’t?!” Even Jules, Ava and Stella have landed themselves in jail after some shenanigan gone wrong. It’s clear that despite being a “spicy” book, AH created a Disney character version of a bad boy.
I feel like Ana forgot how to write from the male's POV after the Twisted series ended. The point of the dual POV is that you feel like you're reading two different people's POV, and honestly it all just blends together. I think Josh's book (Twisted Hate) was the best example of a male's perspective and thoughts/dialogue that a guy in that situation would be saying.
I noticed since King of Greed at least, these Alpha males have been carrying dialogue that mention the most ridiculous things that "Alpha billionaire" males wouldn't even notice. Example: In King of Greed, when Dominic makes a comment about the expression a Chinese food delivery person makes when he realizes he just dropped off a ton of food for two people.....I think that was an Ana Huang thought, not a Domenic thought. While we’re at it, Domenic was just as bad a Xavier…. Dante was the last good “Alpha” she wrote and Kai was such a different character (modeled clearly after the lead in Crazy Rich Asians) that he was hard to mess up ..
The Spanish in King of Sloth was important given the character's background, but felt like it was written with Google Translate. It felt very formal and boring, and doesn't feel like a Spanish-language consultant was brought in to make sure the random sentences and random Spanish words made sense. It was giving the same energy as the Netflix original shows that are set in Los Angeles neighborhoods and the writer's idea of Spanglish is sprinkling random Spanish words into English sentences. There was a little Spanish dialogue in Twisted Games that was way less cringier- maybe because the Spanish was in full sentences and then translated right after….. Latino English speaking people don’t add random “Tios” or “hermano” to their sentences. Look up @Leogonzall “how Latinos talk in movies” videos to see a visual representation of how the Spanish dialogue in these books feel.
Neither Xavier or Sloane had to work very hard to get together. We've seen small bits and pieces of how Sloan is essentially his babysittePR person and he's a chaotic playboy and I get the
Some random things that appear in every single book: - "A thought niggling......" - A table groaning under the weight of food - The first kiss consists of the male's mouth "crashing" into the female's - Every single female character has parental and sibling issues of some sort. - Every male character has parental/abusive parents of some sort. I'm beginning to feel like AH cannot write complex characters that don't rely solely on parental drama, as relatable as it can be...not counting her "If Love..." series, we've seen this 7 times in a row, for EACH main character. - Ana Huang writes parents and siblings the way Amy Sherman-Palladino writes children in Gilmore Girls, just very one-dimensional and for the plot. - Except for Isabel's good relationship with one of her brothers, Alessandra (and Ava and Josh) every female character has severe sibling drama, usually a case where their sibling is an over-achiever and conforms to their parent's expectations (and that's horrifying because it affects the main character and not because that sibling is also a victim that may have used conformity to survive their abusive parents actions)
Things I wanted to learn more about Sloan other than the same repetitive things over and over - How she started her PR agency and the staff she hires- what a girl boss! We only get a vague background about how she started her agency but nothing about how she built experience prior, and how she managed to build a reputation to become one of the best PR agencies in the world. We just have to take the author's word for it, and there's been so much build-up of Sloan in the three previous books.

• I always imagined Sloane having a luxury apartment in NYC, something completely immaculate and stone-cold like her personality. We hear nothing about her apartment despite so many scenes taking place there.
  
• We didn't get that many scenes of Sloane doing anything by herself…anything she eats or wears or anything. I feel we got more of these smaller details about the heroines in the earlier books.
  
• I think Sloane got the Stella treatment- Both heroines's have been teased since the first book in the series but were a bit lackluster once the book came out. The both have parental and sibling drama….but they do yoga
  

The things I enjoyed about KOS and Ana Huang books in general - The world building in NYC and DC and other countries. - I love the scenes that take place in both DC and NYC - they feel so cosmopolitan but I feel we no longer get smaller details about the weather, street details, etc - we got plenty more of this in Twisted Hate and Twisted Games...even details about it being a misty or cold day, make a huge difference in creating imagery in the reader's mind. - The Valhalla scenes are typically entertaining and beautifully written, it's clear how lovely and gorgeous this country club is. - Any cameos where Alex shows up, are well-written. I think Twisted Love was one of her strongest books, so it makes sense he's one of her strongest characters who is stable and can carry any appearance.

I don't know if this is a thing, but I've read somewhere that when you leave the place you've been abused suddenly everything in your brain like starts unfolding to say it in a way?
From the example I've saw, some have had "flashbacks", nightmares, traumatic memories that your mind was hiding suddenly appear, you feel very worse mentally and physically (forgot the specifics on those) and don't know what else. I would like to know of what else can happen, I guess to not get caught by surprise? And would love to know what good things can also happen in oneself.
Flashbacks are a foreign concept to me, I don't understand how it works. I just imagine them very movie like, seeing clearly images of the traumatic events flashing through your eyes as if it were a video, you stay frozen in place unable to move.. probably it's not like that, idk why the hell did I come with something like that tbh, I tried to search on the internet on psychology trustful resources or reading actual people's experiences but couldn't process the info of it.
Nightmares... hmmm, I remember have a particular one but it didn't related to what I was going through, and it was when I was a kid. I don't know what a nightmare is, it sounds strange but it's the truth. Why? Because the 'me' in my dreams is mostly always, apathetic? The expression in the face I mean, and also I'm emotionless. Although there are sometimes I'm the total opposite. But I have the feeling it's always the first option, like I could see something awful and be like a robot standing there not reacting to it? I don't know, I believe that nightmares are scary, and you wake up breathing hard, I always portray them like that.. for some reason.
I'm not mentally well obviously, most of the time I feel numb, like I'm just pacing on life without a purpose, it's like I'm on autopilot and can't tell my emotions so idk I imagine that once I'm out of here, I'll show more expression and cry more, I actually want to show more emotions, I don't like being like a weird empty person because of my depression or whatever the heck I have (or maybe its because I'm autistic?) I do show/feel other emotions or feelings, so it's not always like that. Physically I'm not sure if I have it too bad, no idea, I'm not necessarily a healthy person, I guess the only thing I'm aware off are my sleep problems and lack of energy?
I think this is important to know, because how bad the recovery can be depends on how abused you were, right? I would say medium-high bad? I'm not sure since I gaslight myself a lot, can't tell if I'm crazy or if everything was THAT bad sometimes. I've been mostly psychologically abused since a young age, sometimes been physically, but it wasn't too bad or constant (I think so?) I can't quite remember much about my childhood, teenage years and even adult years? It's not like I'm amnesiac, I know important information about myself. Just parts and bits here and there, I remember some specific bad memories, some good too. Not so long ago I randomly got a very disturbing memory I had long forgotten when I was a child, "luckily" it cuts at the worst part. Whenever I try to remember only that bit I have(don't want to accidentally unlock all of it, no thanks) I space out? I start to talk more slowly, and my head bows down a little by itself, looking down at the floor, staring at nothing, and I can't quite grasp the emotion or feel it, but I think I'm uncomfortable/uneasy, the more I push it, think about it, even worse , visualize it, or dare to recreate what could have happened next, I break down in tears and be upset.. so I try not do that.. And there's a chance that it has affected me in some aspects of my life, for example, I noticed in some things of my behavior that are related to that topic.
Nowadays i do get bothered by other people now and in different ways, i guess you could say I'm not as emotionally punched as before, and not as bad, but sure it's still not gone of my life. There's more but eh idk its too much to add and don't feel comfy enough? Im kinda worried that there's more things I've forgotten or that I'll eventually get the rest of that fragment, making me struggle badly in my daily life. I don't have too much hope that I can afford to find a therapist soon enough.. It worries me It'll take me centuries to get better, I've seen people say it took them years and still haven't improved that much.. So what can I expect?