Simply put, this is a rating for content that would be considered too extreme for even TV-MA. Like this is the kind of content that would be rated 18+ in other countries like Australia and the UK and Germany. Think shows like The Walking Dead or movies like RoboCop, The Human Centipede, and Perfect Blue. What would make TV-NC unique is that it would be banned on network television (not without edits to get it down to a more appropriate rating) whilst on regular cable television TV-NC can only air in the watershed hours (airing such content outside of the watershed hours will result in a fine to the channel not unlike how network television gets subject to fines if they air TV-MA content outside of the watershed hours). The only place where TV-NC content can air at any time of the day would be subscription channels like HBO, Starz and Showtime.
V - extreme violence (i.e. Strong sadistic or sexualised violence is also unlikely to be acceptable)
S - extreme sexual activity (i.e. frequent and/or genital-explicit sex scenes and/or nudity)
L - extreme language (i.e. Aggressive or repeated use of the strongest language, well above TV-MA levels)

(TW for SA/Rape(?) + brief sexual talk)
Hello, I’m posting this on a burner account, and this is kind of going to be a really long and depressing post I guess, I’m not going to disclose my name or age (Entire family uses Reddit just playing it safe) but this has been bothering me for a really long time and I just wanna get it off my chest, idk if I’m looking for comfort or advice, I just need to get this out somewhere. (Sorry for any grammatical mistakes or typos made, just ignore those, I don’t have the guts to proofread this.)
I’m FTM, I’ve been masculine ever since I was a kid, to the point where in my elementary classes I was friends with mostly boys and would have girls ask me out. My family basically just figured I was a lesbian or something. I wasn’t allowed to have closed doors with girls over or be alone with them unsupervised, but on my 10th birthday, I had one of my girl friends spending the night. At the time, me and my parents slept in the same room, so they figured it would be fine that she slept in the room with us (my parents were on different beds.) Before we went to sleep, my friend told me that she massages her siblings a lot so if I wake up and she is massaging me its just her like sleepmassaging me or something idk, I just said “Okay.” And went to sleep. I woke up early in the morning, she had one hand up my shirt and another in my pants. She did not know that I had woken up, but I began to slowly try and wriggle away from her hands, and eventually when I think she got nervous that I was waking up she pulled them out and away. I sent her home as soon as possible after acting normal with her all morning. I did not know what was happening, (I was too young at the time and did not realize until a few years later) but I was scared nonetheless. I still have not told my family about this.
On my 11th birthday, I had a different girl friend over. The same thing happened with her, except I was awake and it was about 1 or 2 PM, the door to my room was open, but nobody was inside the house at the time (except for my father but he was out back in the laundry room.) She touched me inappropriately, and then insisted that she strangle me because she had a ‘kink for that’ in her words, I refused, but she slammed me against the wall my bed is propped against and began to choke me, it hurt incredibly bad, and when she quit she tried to convince me to do it back to her, and I put my hand on her throat, but didn’t end up squeezing, I just told her I wouldn’t and put my hand back down. After that, I excused myself from the room to go cry in the bathroom for a few minutes, before composing myself and going outside to my mother who was on the porch. I remember all of this vividly. I stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, and then said “Mom, can we please send ___ home early? She’s touching me in places I dont like.” My mom said no, and then told me to “Get over it like you always do.” She sent me back to my room. I have not yet told my family what happened in the room.
Present day, I still present as male (My mother knows this now, but we haven’t had an in depth talk about it and my father does not know.) and I think I might be gay, but I want a girlfriend very badly. I feel no attraction to women, but I want to be able to hold hands in public. I want to go on cute dates and kiss in public. I want to feel like a man. At the same time, I only feel passionate about men, I want a boyfriend so badly it hurts, I want to be loved in that way, but I don’t want to live as a trans man. I just want to be a man. I know that is a terrible thing to think. Its not about me seeing trans men as less of a man, its about how other people would perceive me if they found out I was biologically female. They would treat me differently, I know because this has happened before multiple times. I feel so terrible. I know I cannot get into a serious relationship without disclosing this kind of stuff to my partner, I keep trying to justify it to myself, “I plan on getting all of the procedures done, it will be fine then, right?” And stuff along those lines. It isn’t below me to lie about being biologically male, all my friends think I am, and I wont lie about being a better or more moral person than I am, it is just the fear of getting caught that stops me. I’m young, but I frequently think about my sex life. I will never be able to have sex with someone else because I will never be able to tell someone I’m not actually biologically male, even if I get procedures done so that I have a penis (Which I fully intend to do before even dabbling in sex life,) that wont make me a biological male.
Some part of me deep down wants to be friends with those two girls again. They both knew I was a biological female, and they are both straight. I feel like a man. And the worst part is that I would let them do it again if it meant they would see me as a man. I just want to live as a man, I wish I were born a male and I wish I could have a boyfriend and I wish I could be affectionate with him in public. Everytime I think about this, I start sobbing. I have never confided or cried infront of anyone else about this, but it is eating at me. My pillow is stained from my tears and honestly it looks kind of like a shit stain. This is not fair. I feel like my life has been stolen from me. I will never be able to date or have sex. I dont know where to go or what to do.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Born_Analysis8995
Originally posted to self
My (16m) mom (40f) confessed that she is my sister and I now feel bad
Trigger Warnings: death of a loved one, past sexual assault, teen pregnancy, drugs and alcohol use, mentions of overdose
Original Post (Wayback Machine): May 11, 2024
Idk why I feel so much guilt about this whole situation. This happened 5 days ago, 1 week after my 16th birthday.
So my mom (sister) explained our entire family situation. Her mom (my bio mom) was assaulted as a teenager (15) and was forced to keep the child because of her parents, eventually giving birth to my mom. They struggled a lot during this time and my mom was resented by her mom so she moved away as soon as she was 18 and went NC. Her mom began spiralling with drugs, alcohol, etc once she left and eventually ended up pregnant again with me around the time my mom was 23. However, she was deemed unfit to raise me so they managed to contact my mom and she agreed to take me in. My bio mom never really recovered and ended up overdosing a year later.
This completely surprised me because I genuinely never had clue I wasn't actually my mom's child. We look very much alike and she went to great lengths to become my mom. She said that I don't need to call her mom anymore and that I deserved to know the truth before I turn 18. This upset me and I absolutely disagreed with her and said that no matter what she would always be my mom and I would always call her that because she is in every way my mom. And we both cried over this and hugged and I thanked her for telling me the truth also.
The thing that is eating away at me though is that she sacrificed so much to raise me and I can't repay her in any way. Like she hasn't dated at all even though I know that she wants a partner. She also changed professions to better accommodate me. She has done so much and I can't repay her in any way. And I haven't always been the best to her either. I was definitely difficult as a child and recently I haven't really been listening and respecting her as much as I should be. And I know I've probably said some mean things over the years, mostly around wanting to be with my dad (she initially said that she had a husband that abandoned us when I was born). All of this just made me feel so much guilt and sadness. And I know if I talk to her about it she'll just reassure me that she is happy and I shouldn't worry but I can't get rid of this feeling.
I've decided that I'm going to be the best son ever and do everything she says from now on. But I still can't get rid of this feeling. I don't know what to do.
Relevant/Top Comments
YoungeCurmudgeon4: Your sister is an amazing woman and an incredible person and deserves all the love and respect in the world.
As for you, handling this so well takes a lot in a person. Be proud of yourself. And always believe in yourself.

OOP: Thanks I'll try my best ❤️ My love for her is probably at an all time high. I wish I'd know earlier so that I could have always treated her this way.

TraditionalShop6800: Talk to your mom, thank her and tell you are grateful for how she raised you. And now, she should think about herself too. Encourage her to date again and find a partner.

OOP: Okay I will. I think I'll take some time to figure out the right words to say to her 😅

Galactus1701: Repay her by being the best person you can be. Help her, be respectful, study and always be grateful.

OOP: Absolutely will be the best son I can 😅

BiasCutTweed: You have to also give yourself a little grace here - your mom sounds amazing and deserves all the best, but what she clearly wanted for you was to give you a normal, stable childhood. And it’s very normal for children to act out sometimes, to say things in anger, to be difficult. It’s all a part of growing up.
The good thing is that it’s easy to see from your reaction to what she told you that she did an amazing job and you’re well on your way to becoming a great person she will be proud of. Take all of this and let it strengthen those good qualities. Do your best for her and yourself but don’t beat yourself up for past mistakes you can’t change. You don’t need to repay her for the choices she made, you just need to live a life that makes you both happy.

OOP: Thank you for the advice ❤️ I'll definitely try my best to feel proud of myself and also make her happy

 
Mini Update: May 12, 2024
I've literally been tearing up from all the comments and messages from everyone. I am honestly so grateful for all the kind words and reassurance. Genuinely thanks so much ❤️
Not much of an update really but I thought I would still share. I took a few pieces of advice and have done them randomly during day. Firstly Happy Mother's Day everyone. Hope you had a great time. Me and my mom had a few things planned for today and I got back just over an hour ago now. We went to the cinema then a restaurant and ended the day with bowling. Honestly had an absolute blast and she was happy throughout. I got her a gift too, it was a photo engraved bracelet which I gave her at the end of bowling.
One advice I got was saying things that show her I care about her so I said "Your the best" and hugged her after the cinema. I also said "I love you" when giving her the bracelet which made her cry 😭
I still do feel the guilt but I'm not gonna let it get me down. Don't want more stress especially with exams coming up 😅 I saw a lot of comments mentioning that I shouldn't keep my feelings bottled up so I am planning on conveying all my feelings to her soon. I'll probably write a letter because I know I'll probably start crying before I even start speaking 😂 I think that will definitely give me some peace of mind. Thanks all again for taking the time to read this ❤️
(Also I completely forgot how biology works in my last post 😅 She would be my half-sister not sister since I doubt our father's were the same. But regardless I'm still going to call her mom 😁)
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Older masseur looking for local young women interested in a massage by an older man

Older masseur looking for local young women interested in a massage by an older man

I'm going to start off by saying this is both our first serious relationship. She's not very experienced with dating and I stopped dating in my early 20's while I did some serious work on my mental health (still not done). We've been dating since January 1st and while she was graduating her senior year I would visit her about every month. We've had lots of long phone calls. We like having movie nights on discord. I'm crazy for her. I think of her daily. Each visit we've gotten a little friskier. Our recent visit after her graduation we took a step towards sex but she seemed hesitant so I just did what she was comfortable with. We've never seen each other nude.
I'm going out to visit her this upcoming holiday weekend and we have a hotel for a few nights so we have some privacy. She's already consented to a massage. I don't want to make her feel pressured into sex but I would like for us to explore being more sexual with each other. Maybe just use being comfortable being completely nude around each other. She is shy and I'm ok with that. I don't want her to be uncomfortable. I've been fantasize about her for the past week after our last visit and step. If it's worth mentioning this would be both our first time.
TLDR: Girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and have made step towards sex but we haven't had sex yet. She's shy and I'm crazy for her. I want her to be comfortable and feel safe when it happens.
How should I go about furthering our sexual relationship? Am I going to fast/slow?

I am low contact with my mother who has many narcissistic traits. I cut contact with my grandmother, a true malignant narcissist, 7 years ago and haven’t looked back.
It’s so difficult. My mother has been doing overall quite well with the boundaries I set in place for us. I feel comfortable with our relationship and where we stand with each other. I was NC with her for about a year and have been LC for 6 years.
However, the more I grow into an adult (I am 24) the more I see how truly awful some of the things she did to me as a child was. Realizing I don’t “owe” her a relationship is freeing but also complicated.
I have an incredible therapist but I do think as I become more stable and establish independence I am starting to see all the horrible things she did to me in a new light and it is overwhelming.
I want a reason, a big event, to cut contact with her but I probably won’t get it. For my grandmother — she physically assaulted me in public so it’s much easier to explain and justify to myself why I am NC with her. My mother is probably closer to having borderline/maybe narcissistic personality disorder or a combo.
I realize as I’ve gotten older both my parents sexually abused me repeatedly, and I think this is the hardest thing to come to terms with. I want to know why they did this to me or somehow justify it but I just run myself in circles.
How do I maintain a relationship with my abusers? :( right now i have a desire and do want to keep them in my life, but at that distance.
For those who have been through this or are in the LC phase, what are your thoughts? Has anyone continued a relationship with their mother after sexual abuse?

I had been with my partner for 8 years. For full transparency, he told me has was a sex addict the day we met. He was in recovery at the time and was (I thought) dedicated. Part of what drew me to him was that he seemed so in touch with his emotions and was working on himself, which I attributed to the SLAA program, and to be honest I didn't ever think we would be anything. Overall I was non-judgmental. I was young and it was a novelty in a way. He was open and honest, talked about his past experiences with swinger couples (that was his thing), but assured me that was all behind him. What he really wanted was a healthy, monogamous relationship. Against all my better judgement, I fell in love. Looking back, he love-bombed me and I fell for it.
Over the last 8 years there have been multiple D-Days. The first was fairly early on in our relationship. He had moved and we were long-distance at the time (long-distance with a sex addict--I mean wow) and he told me he had been having a hard time with his addiction, was using porn compulsively and started a "No Fap" challenge to reset. I thanked him for being transparent with me and did my best to be supportive. Shortly after, I ended up snooping and found out he got a HJ at a massage parlor. He confessed, I was devastated. He was remorseful. Doubled down on his efforts. We carried on.
Years later we were living together and I noticed he was being more hostile towards me. My gut told me something was up. I snooped again and found lewd text exchanges with strangers. He was not in the program at the time. I did a few therapy sessions, he started weekly therapy and started working the program again. We picked up the pieces and carried on.
Cut to a few years later. We're at a rocky period in our relationship. I get a sense that something is up, and find text exchanges revealing that he had made out with someone at a bar. He was trying to pursue her, hoping to meet up again and pick up where they left off. I took screenshots of the interaction and called her, told her everything, and asked if she would be willing to tell me anything else about their interaction. She said that they had just made out but she did find it weird that when he first started texting her it was from a different number. That tipped off alarm bells. I confronted him. He was defensive. We did couples therapy, he started working the program again. I persisted.
Then the most recent D-Day, this past Saturday. I had been complaining about some pelvic pain for a few weeks, had an appointment scheduled with the OB/GYN to try to see what's up. I fell asleep on the couch with him rubbing my stomach. He told me how happy he was and that I was the love of his life. Then shortly after midnight I woke up and he was in a panic. He told me that he had really fucked up and needed to tell me something. Then he confessed that he had met up with a swinger couple from a website and had unprotected sex in the bathroom of the bar with the wife. He feared he had given me an STD and that was the source of my pain. As far as I knew at the time, this was the first time he had actually had intercourse outside of the relationship.
It felt like my world was caving in around me. He just proposed to me TWO WEEKS AGO. With my grandmother's ring. That D-Day was the day we picked up my ring from the jeweler. I was resolved to do things differently this time, and rather than continue to hide the depths of his addiction I told everyone--my friends, my family. I told him to move out. I got an STD panel. More things started to come out--visits to nudist clubs, more sex with swingers, I'm sure a bunch of other things that he didn't want to tell me at the time. I didn't eat for two days. Started smoking again. And yet. Within 72 hours, I was asking him to come back and trying to "set boundaries", imagining that maybe this was the real wake up call we both needed to fix this for real. He was my best friend. I thought he was the love of my life. We'd been virtually inseparable for the last 8 years. And I mean we just got engaged. In my head I wanted to leave, but in my heart I still, somehow, wasn't ready to let go.
Until yesterday, when my real wake up call came. I was out with my mother and her best friend. They were both aware that I was flirting with reconciliation and were very appropriately concerned. That all changed when my mother told me something that rocked me to my core. Apparently a few months ago she was alone with him in my apartment and he started rubbing himself through his pants in front of her. He said "I can't believe I'm doing this in front of you", and asked her if she wanted to touch it. She was in shock and obviously said no. She said he then put her hand on his penis and she immediately left the apartment. When I asked why she didn't tell me immediately, she said she was too afraid to tell me because she thought I would run toward him and away from her. She was afraid she would lose me and our relationship. I forgive her. But I will never, ever forgive him. I immediately called him and told him it was over, that he needs so so much help and I will no longer be there for him.
I know it sounds crazy given that I knew he was a sex addict from the start, but I didn't know that it would lead to this. I didn't realize the way it would escalate, and that he would eventually sexually assault my mother. It's sick, truly. Obviously I'm not in a great headspace right now and I know I will have to do a ton of therapy to process the trauma of all of this. But ultimately I am grateful. Grateful that this happened before I was married or had a child with this man--who knows what he is truly capable of?
I'm sharing all this in case there is someone else like me out there looking for the courage to leave their sex addict spouse. Please, please don't let it get to this. I would have never imagined that he was capable of this. The addiction WILL continue to escalate. YOUR LIFE and YOUR FAMILY'S LIVES are at stake. If I could go back in time eight years and undo it all I would. No amount of "love" is worth this.
TL;DR--My former fiance's sex addiction escalated to the point that he sexually assaulted my mother.

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Video Tutorial to watch and understand everything before you start

Preface: After doing some digging, I now see that Rythmia is a very controversial place. And frankly I think some of that is warranted. My intention with this review is not to suggest you go or not go to Rythmia. I don't really care what you decide to do with your life. I just hope this helps someone out there make the decision one way or the other. I think I have a very nuanced perspective and I feel like it's worth sharing for any people - like me - who are researching for their first trip. Thanks for reading this far! I'm going to try to make this as brief as possible, and limit how deep I go into my own personal experience.
My first impressions of Rythmia:

• Pretty nice digs, but I wouldn't call them 5-Star from resort standards. That being said, I'm pretty sure this is the nicest, most comfortable experience out there, in terms of just the facilities.
• Resort support staff are amazing. Leadership seems a little disconnected and culty. The program itself seemed pretty comprehensive and valuable at first. The "medical staff" I met with did not seem like doctors at all. They were extremely pretty, young, tattoo'd costa rican women. But maybe it's different down there? Immediately made me dubious of the whole "medically licensed facility" thing, but definitely nice people. The fact they do any sort of medical screening is probably a good sign.
• The food is amazing
• Immediately gained some insight and value from their classes. But by Monday I was starting to get a little turned off by some of what I was seeing/hearing (more on this below).
• I really thought the Shamans, especially 2 of the 4, did a pretty good job facilitating - all things considered. I will mention, that on the first day my immediate thought was "wow these shamans are really young!". I would have liked someone who seemed a little more seasoned, but I'm not entirely familiar with all of the shaman industry/culture, like some people.
• This place clearly calls out to the sick & hopeless. I expected some of that, but did not realize the extent of both physical & emotional trauma, baggage, and overall bad energy would be at a place like this. I grew to have a lot of love and compassion for the people I spent the week with, but I have to say it was pretty intense at times.
• The group experience, which they promote endlessly, is actually pretty horrifying. I would never do this as a solo person, especially if I was a woman. While I think I would probably come back, I’m definitely bringing a bigger group next time.
• Overall, I had a wonderful experience there with my girlfriend, but I don't think everyone would have the same experience as me. If you are in a dark place in your life, I could totally see this doing you more harm than good.

Facilities
Won't say much here, but from what I've seen, Rythmia has the best lodgings, food, etc. It's pretty expensive, even for what it is, but I rationalized it as you are paying for the safety. Which, at the end of the day may or may not even be true. I've read those stories too. But it definitely gives off a safer vibe than some of the more rustic scenarios. This is, obviously, a totally subjective and personal decision on what you would want more - modern or rustic. I personally thought Rythmia was a good first time location.
Staff/Leadership
All the support staff were wonderful and extremely helpful. Most of them had experience at the top resorts on the coast.
The specialty staff - massage therapists, breathework coaches, healers/shamans, etc. - were all equally amazing. I had amazing experiences with each of these people and I felt very deeply that they were there to help me be a better person. They really cared and it showed. Again, some of them seemed very young, but since I'm so new to this type of stuff, I felt like I really got some value from them. This includes the medical staff, but I just want to reiterate, none of the medical staff seemed like any doctor I had ever met. In fact, I didn't feel like 1 person I met the whole weekend was really skilled or experienced in dealing with crazy people or any real health concern. But, there were plenty of hands on deck at least.
The leadership, I have to say, was not impressive. For starters, half the people they brag about being involved in Rythmia, you never get any contact with. You're essentially guided through the program by the same 3-4 people, plus a few special guest speakers they have. I felt like leadership was fairly cold and uninterested in actually facilitating healing. Which makes perfect sense. They see 80 new people every week. But for whatever reason, the support staff are able to get it right, and these people can't. The only person who appeared to care was the 1 woman they have on staff (don't want to say her name). She's the only one that truly mingled with, and gave up her time for the residents. A lot has been said on this reddit about leadership, and I can't really confirm any of that, but I did come away feeling like they were a bunch of self-centered, ego-driven people.
Program
Like I said, I initially thought the program was amazing. You stay 7-8 days, 4 days of aya, and every day is full of classes. It just seems like there are so many resources at your disposal. I think, on some level, this is probably a good thing. I've read a lot about the more rustic experiences and people just having 0 tools to go into this process. So I think they've obviously put some effort into it, which is nice.
That being said, I think most of their classes ended up being pretty redundant for me, and borderline cultish. There were a lot of "hype" stories, including the owner's story, which I found to be an incredibly arrogant creation myth. You never hear about him actually making amends with all the people he apparently was terrible to in his previous life. He just ran away to Costa Rica. A lot of the leadership gave off vibes that they’re running from something. Idk, I just found it all kinda odd and it sort of hit me wrong.
For one, their intentions, and all the advice they give is necessarily vague and not really that helpful at giving context to the situation we are all about to experience. Beyond that, I really felt strongly that they were pushing the whole trauma thing a little heavy. Having heard a few different experiences from other people, I was shocked to not hear a damn thing about finding self love, acceptance, or a higher power in these required classes. It was all about how fucked up this journey is about to be, and you guys better strap in and face your fears head on. I just feel like this was a very iresponsible way of preparing a bunch of clearly traumatized people. They also REAAALLLY pushed consuming a lot of the medicine. The basic rule is, don't think, drink. Sounds like some weird frat rule. I feel like they are so focused on pushing people to the edge, just to induce this vague "miracle" they keep talkiing about. Anyways, didn't like that aspect.
By Tuesday night after my experience, I decided to stop going to the classes/meetings and just spent that time relaxing and integrating my experiences from the night before. After reflecting on it a bit, I really feel like the program is sort of dangerous for certain types of people - anyone who is highly unstable as it is. I just feel like it's not really the setting to have a highly unstable person (of which there seemed to be a handful) do 6-8 cups of medicine or whatever... I feel like it’s just asking for bad things to happen.
Last thing I’ll say is that it was abundantly clear to me that this program was meant to be some cookie-cutter thing. They don't have any real 1-on-1 support available. I talked to the "integration specialist" and it was a joke - just sat there and tried to sell me his books and shit. If you have a bad experience, I think you will be lucky to get any real help on that front.
Shaman Quality
I'm very torn about this aspect of the trip. I will say that I really felt like these people were there for the right reasons. There was only one head shaman I didn't care for out of the four nights (yage night, night 4). Overall, I got pretty good vibes from all the groups and saw numerous people make amazing connections with some of the healers that helped them throughout the week. That being said, all but 1 of the shaman groups seemed to have a lot of trouble keeping watch over our group. And we only had 45 people, rather than the usual 70-80. The thought of having that many people is terrifying to me.
Both night 1 & 2 got very hectic, and included them shutting down the "bar" early in the night. Multiple staff commented on how "fucked up" we must be the next day. I just felt like the shamans lost the rooms on those days. However, Day 3 - the divine feminine night - was absolutely amazing and the energy was entirely different. Some of the shares from that night were just incredible.
I've read reports on what is going on with rythmia and the shaman "industry" and how they've pushed out a lot of good ones and now it's all inexperienced people that don't really have a connection to the lineage. I could definitely see that. I do feel like they did a great job at other aspects of the ceremony though, like cleaning up and just responding to people that needed help. I'm not sure they always knew how to help but the vibe I got was that they were there to genuinely help.
I also felt very connected to the shaman's approach to the medicine - which seemed to differ immensely from Rythmia's approach - and I was saddened by the fact we don't really get to interact with the shaman or healers much throughout the program. Only when we are in a fucked up state at the end of the night do we get any sort of real wisdom from them. That side was a little disappointing. I wish the shaman were more involved in the program itself.
The Ceremony
There were parts of the ceremony I loved and thought were really cool, but overall I would say it was ruined by the number of random, traumatized people you're forced to do this with. Love all you guys, but damn that was horrifying at times. I can't imagine doing it with 80 people. The energy in the maloca was so dark come midnight, especially on the male side. I think if you can find a solid group to go with, it wouldn't be so bad, but I would not want to go solo, especially if I was a woman. I can't exactly describe it but there was just a lot of bad energy coming from the male side and the women there seemed so vulnerable. I've already heard one story of sexual assault from the week I was there and I heard of multiple people sleeping together during this retreat, which I just feel like is a terrible idea on something like this. So yeah, that weird sexual energy is there and worth watching out for.
Beyond that, I did actually have a pretty incredible experience. First, I want to say that I was totally into the music. I thought they did an amazing job curating the music and it was obviously very intentional at certain times of the night. I had a tough time telling what was being played live and what was on the speakers at times, but I think that points to how good of musicians they had there. The weird thing is you could definitely tell certain songs agitated the room. The harmonica in particular seemed to rile up the bad spirits. But yeah, overall I really enjoyed the music.
I also really liked the ritual aspect of it all. I thought the shamans really gave it an authentic feel. I’ve obviously never done it with a super legit well known shaman, but it definitely beats doing it in some guys apartment off the freeway. There was something special about the ritual itself. I found myself, throughout the process, imagining being in some maloca in a jungle 1500 years ago, and what that might have looked like or felt. I also felt like they had enough healers/facilitators to manage the room, which was nice. I’d say it was probably 2.5-3:1. If they didn’t exactly have experience, at least they had numbers and overall did a fantastic job given how crazy the scene was at times.
My Personal Experience
I want to preface this by saying I don’t consider myself a deeply troubled person. I have my fair share of “normal” traumas - past drug/alcohol abuses, toxic romantic relationships, parent traumas, etc. But I feel like I’m at a really great point in my life and feel very at peace with many of my past experiences. Also, I didn’t really buy into what Rythmia was pushing as far as their process and approach. Not that I think it was inherently bad, I just didn’t feel like it was right for me. As a result, I think I had a much different experience than most people.
First off, I didn’t really purge on the same level that most people did. Most nights I pooped once, and I only puked once in the 4 nights. They kept the bathrooms surprisingly clean. According to rythmia, I wasn’t “purging my traumas” but for the most part I didn’t have to fight it. I just focused on relaxing and trying to stay calm when I felt sick and most of the time it subsided. And a lot of the trauma stuff I wanted to work on going in, seems so insignificant now.
On average I did 2-3 cups per night. Of course, each night's brew seemed to be different. I had my most beautiful experience on just 1.5 cups (day 2). I didn’t appreciate all the pressure to consume so much, but I suppose it might make sense for some people.
Day 1, I had 3 cups and nothing really happened. I would equate it to taking about 3 grams of shrooms in terms of the body high. And then I just basically had pretty chill conversations with myself all night. Little did I know that most of those conversations would come back up in night 2 with much more significance.
The main theme for me day 1 was just managing my own energy in a room full of very fucked up energy. The energy was DARK and there was a very palpable sense that things were just barely in control of the shamans.
Day 2 was very nerve wracking for me. I was confused and frustrated with my lack of results the night before but I focused on just trying to stay centered in my own energy, and to surrender fully to whatever the medicine wanted to show me. Early in the night I had a mantra - “you are loved, you are protected, you are safe”. I pulled on the unconditional love from my mother and my beautiful girlfriend and this gave me an incredible sense of peace to start out the night.
Ultimately I was able to stay centered and received a full download from the universe that night. It was revealed to me what my purpose was in life, and the meaning/nature of life in general. I was shown my previous life as a healeshaman, and the medicine taught me to focus inward in order to project my positive energy into the world. I had visions about my girlfriend and our relationship. I had the most incredibly spiritual experience, where I felt like I was communicating directly with god (I’m not religious in the slightest). It was honestly amazing. I felt the deepest sense of gratitude and self love I had ever felt in my life.
That lasted probably half the night and then I was bitten by some bug and had to seek help. Through that sequence of events, I ended up connecting with an amazing healer who was working there and she was able to help me break down what I had just experienced and put it into perspectives for me. The last 3-4 hours of the night I just spent outside on a blanket staring up at the stars. Partly because I was called to nature, but partly because the maloca was a fucking horror show and I couldn’t focus on my own shit while in there lol.
Day 3 was interesting. I got no pintas, and no consultations. The best way I can describe it is I got to know myself more intimately and I experienced the most amazing sense of peace & joy. The energy inside and outside the maloca was beautiful. I got some downloads from the universe on how to live my life, and mainly spent the night in a hammock integrating my experience from the night before. I did 4 cups that night and had an amazing time.
One thing I do want to bring up is the number of people that were just calmly walking around outside, staring into nothing, touching trees, etc. I saw such a deep appreciation that night for nature and it was a beautiful thing.
Day 4, again, nothing much happened. It was a slightly more difficult night in terms of the physical discomfort. I also just didn’t feel connected to the medicine at all. I think part of this was the fact they didn’t really play music most of the night and a lot of time was spent on these group blessings which I just felt were kinda useless. By the time they got to me, even the shamans didn’t seem that interested. I was not a fan of how the day 4 shamans ran things, even tho I think they were the most experienced group of the week. Personal preference.
Overall, I’m incredibly happy with my personal experience. It seemed like most of my peers were going thru hell and back, and I felt pretty lucky to have had such a beautiful experience. As much shit as people seemed to be going thru in ceremony, I have to say I could really feel the healing in the room, especially on the 3rd night. A lot of people seemed to have breakthroughs by the end of it, which was a beautiful thing to see.
Final Thoughts

• Rythmia is one of the nicer options out there, but there does seem to be a disconnect between the support staff & healers vs. leadership. I didn’t really care for the vibes of the place, but I do feel like a lot of the healers and what not really did have the best intentions for you.
• I would personally never go here alone, especially if I was a woman. I really feel like you need some sort of support on this journey.
• While I did see a lot of healing going on over the last couple days, I wouldn’t necessarily suggest this for people who haven’t done a significant amount of work before their first ceremony. It just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do if you’re unstable as is.
• I’m very interested in the shaman tradition and what they believe. Just from hearing them talk a bit each night, I could sense they took a little different approach to it than Rythmia. They talked about it in much different ways. I would have loved to hear more from them throughout the week.
• To me, the medicine is about connecting with your true self (not “who you’ve become”). It’s about realizing your purpose, your special gift on this earth. It’s about finally realizing all the small joys we miss out on by being in our head. It’s about connecting to the deepest sense of self-love, peace, compassion, etc. - all of the higher level energies. It’s about forgiveness, not just for others but for yourself. It’s about letting go of this person you think you are and accepting that there is better out there for you. It’s about feeling worthy. It’s about connecting to nature on an entirely different level. It's about understanding what’s sacred in your life and worth fighting for. I can totally see why they focus so much on trauma, but I feel like you miss out on this much deeper experience. But that’s just my perspective…

This happened a few years ago but it came up in a conversation today.
A few years ago I was in a committed relationship with my boyfriend of two years. After 1,5 years I moved into his apartment in another state temporarily because he couldn’t be alone due to anxiety issues and therefore, I took a break from university for a semester.
Fall came and I moved back to study. I visited him monthly. After Christmas he told me, that he is gay. He drunkenly confessed to cheating on me at least 4 times a week with men since I moved back. Consequently, we broke up in the end of January 2020.
As we had a lot of mutual friends people asked me, why we broke up. I told them he cheated and didn’t go into details as I don’t think the rest is my secret to tell.
As some of you may remember, a certain pandemic occurred a few weeks later. I kept in touch with our friends but my ex seemingly went NC with everybody. After the first lockdown he blocked all our numbers, quit his job and his studies. He moved back to his mom and became an activist for LGBTQ rights and as far as I can see he’s doing a great job.
Our friends read on Instagram how he found out about his sexuality and were hurt, that he didn’t tell them in person. He told them, while he appreciated their support, he doesn’t want anyone from his past in his life anymore. He specifically told them I was lying by not telling the whole truth. I should’ve told our friends that his sexuality was the reason we broke up. Therefore I was a manipulative b* (not beloved) to win over our friends.
So Reddit, AITA for only telling my friends we broke up because he cheated and not mentioning that he’s gay?

My PE started a year and half ago when i had sex after a month and half gap with my girlfriend at that time. We’d have regular sex before that and i could last as long as i wanted most of the times. However, then after a long break when we did it I came under a minute and ever since then I haven’t been able to control this.
The last time i had sex was over a year ago and I’ve been anxious to do it because i fear i will ejaculate in an instant. After that i did have some intimate time with a girl twice and in both the cases I ejaculated as soon as I received a blowjob. Ever since then i have kept myself away from hookups and sex.
Another instance where i came so easily was when i was getting a normal massage at a spa and when the masseuse would massage me around my groin area, the traction of the clothes on my penis (i was hard) made me cum. (Never been so embarrassed in my life).
These were my cases of PE where i had interactions with a girl.
Couple of things i would like to mention about myself, I am 22 and not generally a very sexually active person even before having PE and also do not masturbate often where i could go weeks without but now have been once a week usually just to see how my PE looks like.
I am physically active, indulging myself in exercise almost every day of the week. I used to fight amateur MMA (I mention this because I vaguely remember seeing “hard contact sports could also be the reason for PE”) i might be wrong here too. But now only do grappling. I was also lifting heavy weights to build strength and I wouldn’t necessarily do the cool down exercises after my workout and training.
Another important thing to mention is that my bowel movements a 2-3 times a day, and my gut health isn’t really great. With usual diarrhea and sometimes constipated. But mostly it’s good. I also tend to believe too much bowel movement could also be the cause of it.
I know kegels and reverse kegels help but I haven’t been able to understand it well. And haven’t found what to do for it and what not to do.
Right now my situation is that, when I masturbate a couple of strokes makes me cum, and it is difficult to edge. My butt and thighs get tighter during it. Also the most sensitive part for me seems to be the under side of my penis where I could just give it a touch and i get the hard sensation of ejaculating when my arousal is around 9/10 or 10/10. Also another thing that bothers me is thag if I keep away from masturbating which i really am not fond of to do it usually. If i keep away from it for a week or more I get wet dreams and nightfall which is also a big concern for.
Also i would like to know the concept of overactive (tight I believe) and a weak loose pelvic floor muscle. I know there’s on the internet but from someone here through their own experience would be so much better.
For those of you who have read the entire thing about my case. I am really thankful to you and hope we overcome this together.

The North Carolina Department of Health and Human Services has sent a letter to Trails Carolina director, Jeremy Whitworth, informing the organization that their license has been revoked. This is incredible news and hopefully means Trails will not be able to hurt any more children. Trails has been told that they have 60 days to file an appeal, which they have indicated they will go forward with.
This news, while incredibly validating, does not mean this battle is over. Family Help and Wellness, the parent company of Trails, has a long history of resurrecting and rebranding their shuttered programs. We must ensure that doesn't happen in this case. Too many lives ride on it.
Also, what happened here was a crime against children and humanity. We must push for criminal charges against the leadership of Trails, specifically against Whitworth and the program founder Graham Shannonhouse. Their policies directly led to Clark's death, and they also have a long history of covering up sexual assaults that occurred at their program (which are mandatory to report in NC).
I am not ready to declare victory here with this petition. I still believe there is a lot of work to be done. This will remain up until Graham Shannonhouse is barred from ever operating another program. I still suggest people to share, comment, and sign so we can continue to put pressure on the decision makers in this case.
I'm going to leave an article written by Tyler Kingkade and Elizabeth Chuck detailing the NC D.H.H.S. decision. I'm also going to leave a link to the letter that was sent to Mr. Whitworth informing him of the license revocation.
Thank you to everybody who has signed and commented on this petition! Your voices made a difference and will continue to make a difference. Together, we can put an end to institutional child abuse!
Keep Trails Closed Petition

Look I enjoy nc content as much as the next dude but sometimes after a hard day.. I just want some non sexual intimacy yk. Like I wanna see a bl in which they just hold hands, hug each other, cuddle every morning, talk to each other with less than a cm of difference between their faces. I feel like most bls either have 11 episodes of pining, nc and making out with one episode of actual intimacy that isn’t the aftercare cuddle session. I want some LOVE in the house, I want a couple so clingy it makes people nauseous to be around them. I don’t mind if it has a lot of nc in it too but please some fluff please
Please if you know this recommend it