Left bicep pain swelling chest
Support group for those with costochondritis
2015.07.16 22:45 maaaze Support group for those with costochondritis
A group for those who are suffering from costochondritis and Tietze syndrome (/TietzeSyndrome). Feel free to ask questions, and share what helps you manage the pain and hasten the recovery process.
2024.05.19 01:19 AwayFroyo4140 My girl (28f) left me(35m) abruptly after 4 years of a close relationship. What are my nest steps? What Can I do to get me through this?
My love, the mother of my child, left abruptly 5 days ago now. We have been together and living together for 4 years and our daughter is 3. I got home from work Monday and she moved out everything while I was at work. I got home to a mostly empty house and endlessly broken heart. I was lied to so that I would give consent for my daughter to go away with her parents for the week. I was led to believe this was a date night. She asked when I would be home from work so that way she could have everything gone by The time I got home. Her parents thought I knew this was going to happen. That's why they took my little girl. No one will answer my phone calls or texts or tell me when my daughter is coming home. I cant get more than, "I'm leaving", "we will talk later", "I'm not yours anymore", And many other hurtful things as a response from her. I have given everything. Everything I do and provide is for my girls. I have worked so hard to get my girls in a space where they can have room to grow and be independent. I don't know how I could ever look into my daughter's eyes and tell her mommy isn't coming home, and I don't know why. My abandonment wound is ripped wide open again and my soul is scarred for life... Im trying desperately to make it through the pain of waking up every day and realizing this isn't a bad dream.. I can't wake up because this is really happening to me.
I had such a crazy panic attack yesterday when I woke up I almost had to call 911 because I couldn't breathe. I woke up with an incredible weight on my chest and a pounding heart and no matter what I did I couldn't catch my breath. I assume it was a panic or anxiety attack but it lasted for several hours and I was scared out of my mind. I don't have a single person I can call here to get so much as a hug, talk to me, or Even take me to the hospital. My entire life is completely upside down and I have absolutely no idea what I did to deserve this.
And even worse is that nobody will answer my calls or texts. None of her friends or her mother who literally has my child. I just want to know when my little girls coming home. I provide day-in and day-out for my girls. I pay all the bills I provide the place to live I've worked and given and sacrificed so much for this family and I am utterly destroyed and cannot comprehend how someone can do this.
Of course, there are more details because there always are. I'm a very reasonable understanding emotionally intelligent person and there's no circumstance in which this should be handled like this.
Any advice on what I can do or how to make it through the days and the pain would be helpful. I have ceased communications with her, despite how incredibly hurt, angry and in disbelief I'm in. What can should my next steps be?
I will post a link to some messages to give maybe a little more understanding on the situation.
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submitted by AwayFroyo4140 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I had such a crazy panic attack yesterday when I woke up I almost had to call 911 because I couldn't breathe. I woke up with an incredible weight on my chest and a pounding heart and no matter what I did I couldn't catch my breath. I assume it was a panic or anxiety attack but it lasted for several hours and I was scared out of my mind. I don't have a single person I can call here to get so much as a hug, talk to me, or Even take me to the hospital. My entire life is completely upside down and I have absolutely no idea what I did to deserve this.
And even worse is that nobody will answer my calls or texts. None of her friends or her mother who literally has my child. I just want to know when my little girls coming home. I provide day-in and day-out for my girls. I pay all the bills I provide the place to live I've worked and given and sacrificed so much for this family and I am utterly destroyed and cannot comprehend how someone can do this.
Of course, there are more details because there always are. I'm a very reasonable understanding emotionally intelligent person and there's no circumstance in which this should be handled like this.
Any advice on what I can do or how to make it through the days and the pain would be helpful. I have ceased communications with her, despite how incredibly hurt, angry and in disbelief I'm in. What can should my next steps be?
I will post a link to some messages to give maybe a little more understanding on the situation.
đđ
2024.05.19 01:18 69rekaosrepus Worst sleep paralysis Iâve had
I have sleep paralysis somewhat regularly, it comes and goes. I have noticed I tend to get it more often when I donât have a lot of sleep for a couple days. I have seen different sleep paralysis âdemonsâ how ever the hat man experience I had was probably the worst sleep paralysis I have ever had. Here is the story
At the time I was living by myself in somewhat rural Alaska in a small duplex. My place was sorta small it was about 1000 sq ft with 2 bed 1 bath. When you open the front door the living room opens up to your right, the kitchen then bathroom are to your left and the 2 rooms are straight back with the doors being on the back side of the living room. Both rooms were pretty small, one I used for storage and the other my bedroom. Since the room was small my queen sized bed only fit comfortably in one orientation with the front door to the home being in direct line of sight from my bed and vice versa. Normally I sleep with my door closed but this particular night I slept with it open because I was so tired and accidentally fell asleep when I got home from a long day of work. I remember waking up to a noise and immediately noticed I couldnât move. Since I get sleep paralysis often I have gotten better about not freaking out and normally if I close my eyes and focus on quickly rolling my body or moving my arm or leg I can move myself out of it. So almost routine at this point I quickly get myself out of it and sit up and look out into my living room to see what the noise was. Right next to my front door is a big window, I leave the blinds closed but light goes through them fairly easily. On this night the moon was probably full and the moonlight was coming through the window pretty bright and I could see my living room and kitchen fairly good. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary and I figured the sound came from sleep paralysis because not only do I sometimes see things but I also sometimes hear things. I went back to sleep. I again awoke in sleep paralysis but this time my chest was a bit heavier and my heart was pounding. The anxiety was a little more frightening and I didnât immediately do my routine to get out of the sleep paralysis and mistakenly started looking around. Thatâs when I saw the hat man. My front door was wide open and white moon light shining in. At the door way the completely black figure with the distinct hat stood staring at me. I was in a state of panic and shock, I couldnât tell if it was real or not because normally the environment doesnât change and this time my front door was clearly open. I have a pistol I keep for self defense and it was on my nightstand. I did my routine, rolled my body and quickly grabbed my pistol. I sat up and pointed my pistol at my front door but it was closed and everything was normal. At this point my anxiety was high and I was nervous to fall back asleep because I havenât had such bad sleep paralysis in a while but I laid back down, went on my phone for a bit and decided to go back to sleep. The way my duplex is set up my neighbor is on the bottom unit and Iâm on the top so you have to go up some stairs to get to my front door. There is a small one car garage but it belongs to my downstairs neighbor and was used for storage so I parked my truck in front of it and the stairs to my front door was to the right of the garage and my truck. Now the dream is foggy but for some reason I dreamed that I woke up again, gotten scared and went outside to get in my truck and fell back asleep. I woke up again in sleep paralysis but this time I was in the passenger seat of my truck. Again I didnât follow my routine, my head was foggy, confused, and nervous. I started looking around not being able to move and having my heart have this indescribable heavy pit of anxiety. I looked at my front door open with the hat man standing there looking inside my house. I was at this point, in such a state of panic I wanted to start crying, the type of crying when you make those disgusting audible sobs and gasp for air in between each sob, but because I couldnât still being in sleep paralysis and not being able to move or make sound all I could do is watch this hat man in horror. It would get worse, while being a completely pitch black figure I could see the hat man move and turn his body around. He was now looking at me, my anxiety was at an all time high and at this point everything felt so real and looked so real that I believed it was real. I watched him slowly walk down the steps and make his way to my truck. He walked up to the window and I looked directly at his pitch black figure staring at me through the tinted window of my truck. And for the first time I saw a sleep paralysis âdemonâ with a color other than pitch black when the hat man grinned from ear to ear with pearly white teeth. His smile looked like Chester catâs smile from Alice in Wonderland. I donât think Iâve ever felt this level of fear at any other point in my life, panicked, I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to roll out of the sleep paralysis. I could vividly feel the cold leather of my car seat on my skin but when I finally rolled out of my sleep paralysis I was in my bed. Safe to say I didnât go back to sleep. That was my worst and most frightening sleep paralysis experience and (knock on wood) I havenât experienced anything nearly as scary since.
That was when I was about to turn 20, Iâm now about to turn 23 and I have made significant improvements to my sleep which in turn has caused me to experience way less sleep paralysis. That time still haunts me. The worst part was how real it felt I legit thought I was in my car I couldnât tell the difference between reality and dream, everything felt so real. Sleep paralysis is the worst and none of my friends and family experience it, so when I talk about it they donât seem to grasp how scary it is for me. I have had demons squeeze my throat to where I couldnât breathe while their pitch black face stares at me. Iâve had people stand in my room and all I could do is watch hoping they arenât real feeling so vulnerable from not being able to move. Iâve tried screaming at my partner to help as I watched them sleep next to me not being able to get the scream out and feeling so trapped and anxious. It really does suck and Iâm sorry for all the other folks who have to deal with it. Feel free to share your worst sleep paralysis stories Iâm curious as to what other people have experienced.
submitted by 69rekaosrepus to SleepParalysisStories [link] [comments]
At the time I was living by myself in somewhat rural Alaska in a small duplex. My place was sorta small it was about 1000 sq ft with 2 bed 1 bath. When you open the front door the living room opens up to your right, the kitchen then bathroom are to your left and the 2 rooms are straight back with the doors being on the back side of the living room. Both rooms were pretty small, one I used for storage and the other my bedroom. Since the room was small my queen sized bed only fit comfortably in one orientation with the front door to the home being in direct line of sight from my bed and vice versa. Normally I sleep with my door closed but this particular night I slept with it open because I was so tired and accidentally fell asleep when I got home from a long day of work. I remember waking up to a noise and immediately noticed I couldnât move. Since I get sleep paralysis often I have gotten better about not freaking out and normally if I close my eyes and focus on quickly rolling my body or moving my arm or leg I can move myself out of it. So almost routine at this point I quickly get myself out of it and sit up and look out into my living room to see what the noise was. Right next to my front door is a big window, I leave the blinds closed but light goes through them fairly easily. On this night the moon was probably full and the moonlight was coming through the window pretty bright and I could see my living room and kitchen fairly good. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary and I figured the sound came from sleep paralysis because not only do I sometimes see things but I also sometimes hear things. I went back to sleep. I again awoke in sleep paralysis but this time my chest was a bit heavier and my heart was pounding. The anxiety was a little more frightening and I didnât immediately do my routine to get out of the sleep paralysis and mistakenly started looking around. Thatâs when I saw the hat man. My front door was wide open and white moon light shining in. At the door way the completely black figure with the distinct hat stood staring at me. I was in a state of panic and shock, I couldnât tell if it was real or not because normally the environment doesnât change and this time my front door was clearly open. I have a pistol I keep for self defense and it was on my nightstand. I did my routine, rolled my body and quickly grabbed my pistol. I sat up and pointed my pistol at my front door but it was closed and everything was normal. At this point my anxiety was high and I was nervous to fall back asleep because I havenât had such bad sleep paralysis in a while but I laid back down, went on my phone for a bit and decided to go back to sleep. The way my duplex is set up my neighbor is on the bottom unit and Iâm on the top so you have to go up some stairs to get to my front door. There is a small one car garage but it belongs to my downstairs neighbor and was used for storage so I parked my truck in front of it and the stairs to my front door was to the right of the garage and my truck. Now the dream is foggy but for some reason I dreamed that I woke up again, gotten scared and went outside to get in my truck and fell back asleep. I woke up again in sleep paralysis but this time I was in the passenger seat of my truck. Again I didnât follow my routine, my head was foggy, confused, and nervous. I started looking around not being able to move and having my heart have this indescribable heavy pit of anxiety. I looked at my front door open with the hat man standing there looking inside my house. I was at this point, in such a state of panic I wanted to start crying, the type of crying when you make those disgusting audible sobs and gasp for air in between each sob, but because I couldnât still being in sleep paralysis and not being able to move or make sound all I could do is watch this hat man in horror. It would get worse, while being a completely pitch black figure I could see the hat man move and turn his body around. He was now looking at me, my anxiety was at an all time high and at this point everything felt so real and looked so real that I believed it was real. I watched him slowly walk down the steps and make his way to my truck. He walked up to the window and I looked directly at his pitch black figure staring at me through the tinted window of my truck. And for the first time I saw a sleep paralysis âdemonâ with a color other than pitch black when the hat man grinned from ear to ear with pearly white teeth. His smile looked like Chester catâs smile from Alice in Wonderland. I donât think Iâve ever felt this level of fear at any other point in my life, panicked, I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to roll out of the sleep paralysis. I could vividly feel the cold leather of my car seat on my skin but when I finally rolled out of my sleep paralysis I was in my bed. Safe to say I didnât go back to sleep. That was my worst and most frightening sleep paralysis experience and (knock on wood) I havenât experienced anything nearly as scary since.
That was when I was about to turn 20, Iâm now about to turn 23 and I have made significant improvements to my sleep which in turn has caused me to experience way less sleep paralysis. That time still haunts me. The worst part was how real it felt I legit thought I was in my car I couldnât tell the difference between reality and dream, everything felt so real. Sleep paralysis is the worst and none of my friends and family experience it, so when I talk about it they donât seem to grasp how scary it is for me. I have had demons squeeze my throat to where I couldnât breathe while their pitch black face stares at me. Iâve had people stand in my room and all I could do is watch hoping they arenât real feeling so vulnerable from not being able to move. Iâve tried screaming at my partner to help as I watched them sleep next to me not being able to get the scream out and feeling so trapped and anxious. It really does suck and Iâm sorry for all the other folks who have to deal with it. Feel free to share your worst sleep paralysis stories Iâm curious as to what other people have experienced.
2024.05.19 01:17 thenuttyhazlenut The plan is to emotionally detach first
I thought she could change, but that doesn't seem to be the case. She's acting sneaky again.
And this time I don't care to play detective. I could have opened her chat app she left open on her computer last night, yet I didn't. I don't care to look for proof, because I don't need it.
You know the saying: Where there's smoke, there's fire. There's smoke and there may or may not be fire, but the fact remains - there's smoke when there shouldn't be smoke.
I remained with her despite her not leaving that job. Despite her seeing that co-worker every day, I remained. I gave it a shot knowing that the job market is tough, and didn't require her to leave it even after everything that she did with that guy.
So what's my plan now? It's to emotionally detach. I don't do break ups well. They affect me a little too much. So this time I'll prepare for the pain; I'll ease into it before stripping the band-aid off. She can do as she likes and I won't investigate. I won't even ask. Her deception will only cement my emotional detachment - it will only cement the idea that my decision is the correct one.
I love her, but it's clearly not mutual. She could have left that job for another one. At the minimum, she could have followed my few requirements as she continued working there, while not acting dodgy and sneaky.
I moved countries to be with her. I left my family behind. And gave up on my business prospects. I don't regret it; it was worth a shot - love is always worth a shot. But it doesn't appear to be mutual. Leaving a job to find another one in your country, in your town, should be easy. Yet she has barely tried.
There's no point in further communicating with her. She denies all of this, and claims she loves me. But actions speak so much louder than words. She seems to want two men groveling over her at once, but I'm not into threesomes. She can have this other guy she likely idealized in her head, and experience the reality of things without me in the picture. I welcome it.
How does one detach emotionally while living together and sleeping in the same bed? I'm not completely sure. But I know journaling will help, and that's where I'll start. Her birthday is coming up and I'll celebrate it with her, give her gifts, etc. So that will be difficult. But I still love her, and I can love her in another way - maybe in a paternal way, not a lovers way.
submitted by thenuttyhazlenut to AsOneAfterInfidelity [link] [comments]
And this time I don't care to play detective. I could have opened her chat app she left open on her computer last night, yet I didn't. I don't care to look for proof, because I don't need it.
You know the saying: Where there's smoke, there's fire. There's smoke and there may or may not be fire, but the fact remains - there's smoke when there shouldn't be smoke.
I remained with her despite her not leaving that job. Despite her seeing that co-worker every day, I remained. I gave it a shot knowing that the job market is tough, and didn't require her to leave it even after everything that she did with that guy.
So what's my plan now? It's to emotionally detach. I don't do break ups well. They affect me a little too much. So this time I'll prepare for the pain; I'll ease into it before stripping the band-aid off. She can do as she likes and I won't investigate. I won't even ask. Her deception will only cement my emotional detachment - it will only cement the idea that my decision is the correct one.
I love her, but it's clearly not mutual. She could have left that job for another one. At the minimum, she could have followed my few requirements as she continued working there, while not acting dodgy and sneaky.
I moved countries to be with her. I left my family behind. And gave up on my business prospects. I don't regret it; it was worth a shot - love is always worth a shot. But it doesn't appear to be mutual. Leaving a job to find another one in your country, in your town, should be easy. Yet she has barely tried.
There's no point in further communicating with her. She denies all of this, and claims she loves me. But actions speak so much louder than words. She seems to want two men groveling over her at once, but I'm not into threesomes. She can have this other guy she likely idealized in her head, and experience the reality of things without me in the picture. I welcome it.
How does one detach emotionally while living together and sleeping in the same bed? I'm not completely sure. But I know journaling will help, and that's where I'll start. Her birthday is coming up and I'll celebrate it with her, give her gifts, etc. So that will be difficult. But I still love her, and I can love her in another way - maybe in a paternal way, not a lovers way.
2024.05.19 01:15 Round_Sun_7593 My story and life after myocarditis
Hey guys, I'll try to remember everything I can, because I know how hard it is for everyone, and every little detail someone can relate to will help.
My story started on May 19, 2021, when I got my first COVID-19 vaccine. Within a week, I ended up in the ER with chest pain, numbness, and pressure (it felt like my arm was going to explode). The ER checked me out and said I was fine, but I went to my primary doctor to discuss it further. She did some bloodwork, and everything came back normal. She then referred me to a neurologist and a hematologist, both of whom did everything they could but ultimately told me I was young and had probably pushed myself too hard at the gym.
The pain continued to come and go, but I ignored it because I had been to the ER and seen three doctors who all assured me I was fine. Fast forward to December 2023, and the pain came back with a vengeance. It was worse than ever and lasted for a couple of weeks. I finally decided to go to the ER (in a different country, not the US), and the first thing they did was check my heart. They found that my troponin level was 14,000 ng/l, which is incredibly high. They immediately admitted me to the ICU because they suspected I was having a heart attack. They performed a cath, echo, and MRI, and thankfully, it wasn't a heart attack, just Pericarditis, acute myocarditis with reduced right ventricle function (RVEF 47%) and left ventricle function (LVEF 67%), and a scar in the middle of my heart.
They put me on ramipril 5 mg once a day, bisoprolol 5 mg once a day, and colchicine 0.5 mg twice a day. It's been six months of ups and downs, sometimes feeling better, sometimes worse, but overall, I am gradually getting better. During these six months, I changed doctors because I came back to the United States. The new doctor told me to stay on the same medications but stop taking colchicine and start taking ibuprofen instead. That was the biggest and worst mistake of my life, I'd say! It made me SOOOOOOO much worse! After a month of taking 1200 mg of ibuprofen daily, I stopped and went back to taking colchicine. It's been a little over a month since then, and I am just starting to feel better, but I'm still worse than I was before.
I had my second MRI a week ago, and I got the results. To be honest, I don't know how to feel about them. I want to be mad, but I am also happy to be alive because after the ibuprofen pain, I truly believed I wouldn't survive. The new MRI shows no active inflammation, but there is a patchy scar in the middle of the heart. My LVEF is 65%, and my RVEF is good. My new troponin T level is 13 ng/l. I feel happy that my heart is functioning properly, but I don't know if the scar is permanent. I've read SO MUCH about it, and there may be a chance for it to disappear after a year because it may be just residue from the inflammation. Or it may be permanent.
I contacted my cardiologist outside the US about my results, and he said that if he were my doctor, the next step would be to stop the medication and just start living my life. However, my doctor here in the US told me that I need to be on medication indefinitely.
Who the people who's gonna read this post and going through a hard time with myocarditis it'll get better if you just REST as much as possible if is possible stop stop working and just stay home do it! DON'T TAKE NSAIDs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't experiment with new medications or supplements just stick to what you have and rest eat and drink a lot of water. â¤ď¸
submitted by Round_Sun_7593 to myocarditis [link] [comments]
My story started on May 19, 2021, when I got my first COVID-19 vaccine. Within a week, I ended up in the ER with chest pain, numbness, and pressure (it felt like my arm was going to explode). The ER checked me out and said I was fine, but I went to my primary doctor to discuss it further. She did some bloodwork, and everything came back normal. She then referred me to a neurologist and a hematologist, both of whom did everything they could but ultimately told me I was young and had probably pushed myself too hard at the gym.
The pain continued to come and go, but I ignored it because I had been to the ER and seen three doctors who all assured me I was fine. Fast forward to December 2023, and the pain came back with a vengeance. It was worse than ever and lasted for a couple of weeks. I finally decided to go to the ER (in a different country, not the US), and the first thing they did was check my heart. They found that my troponin level was 14,000 ng/l, which is incredibly high. They immediately admitted me to the ICU because they suspected I was having a heart attack. They performed a cath, echo, and MRI, and thankfully, it wasn't a heart attack, just Pericarditis, acute myocarditis with reduced right ventricle function (RVEF 47%) and left ventricle function (LVEF 67%), and a scar in the middle of my heart.
They put me on ramipril 5 mg once a day, bisoprolol 5 mg once a day, and colchicine 0.5 mg twice a day. It's been six months of ups and downs, sometimes feeling better, sometimes worse, but overall, I am gradually getting better. During these six months, I changed doctors because I came back to the United States. The new doctor told me to stay on the same medications but stop taking colchicine and start taking ibuprofen instead. That was the biggest and worst mistake of my life, I'd say! It made me SOOOOOOO much worse! After a month of taking 1200 mg of ibuprofen daily, I stopped and went back to taking colchicine. It's been a little over a month since then, and I am just starting to feel better, but I'm still worse than I was before.
I had my second MRI a week ago, and I got the results. To be honest, I don't know how to feel about them. I want to be mad, but I am also happy to be alive because after the ibuprofen pain, I truly believed I wouldn't survive. The new MRI shows no active inflammation, but there is a patchy scar in the middle of the heart. My LVEF is 65%, and my RVEF is good. My new troponin T level is 13 ng/l. I feel happy that my heart is functioning properly, but I don't know if the scar is permanent. I've read SO MUCH about it, and there may be a chance for it to disappear after a year because it may be just residue from the inflammation. Or it may be permanent.
I contacted my cardiologist outside the US about my results, and he said that if he were my doctor, the next step would be to stop the medication and just start living my life. However, my doctor here in the US told me that I need to be on medication indefinitely.
Who the people who's gonna read this post and going through a hard time with myocarditis it'll get better if you just REST as much as possible if is possible stop stop working and just stay home do it! DON'T TAKE NSAIDs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't experiment with new medications or supplements just stick to what you have and rest eat and drink a lot of water. â¤ď¸
2024.05.19 01:15 Gazooonga Diary of a Press-Ganged Saurian (#1/?)
Just another fun little story idea I had. I am still working on Humans are the violent ones but I like to bounce around and experiment with ideas to see what I really like. I also suck at writing more casual stories, as they give me severe writer's block as I try to map out how to make a scene feel genuine in my head, but I promise I'll update that soon. If you like this story and want to see more, then like and comment. I'll gladly continue this series as well.
Start of Personal Log
Humans don't like being told what to do. They don't like being commanded, put in their place, or snubbed. It was an inexorable, inalienable trait of humans, at least any noteable humans, to go against any authority that they believed was against their interests.
Humanity would not fit amongst the stars. Few ever did. It was a trait of most successful species to be willful, ambitious, and to desire more. But once they reached the stars the new (and simultaneously very old) pecking order either quashed any spirit such species had or simply eradicated them. Countless tomb worlds and diaspora served as painful reminders of what became of the nails that chose to stick out. The hammer of order would always strike. There could be no compromise, the very soul of the authority that held the Jurisdiction together relied on a show of unmatched power, or at least the illusion of item.
In reality, the Jurisdiction was an old, fat, and lazy beast. It filled its belly on the corpses of empires far and wide, and sated its bloodlust on the shattered dreams of hopeful cubs. It had every right to, for none could challenge it: there were no new frontiers to explore, nor were there any other enemies to conquer. The Milky Way, as humans had so strangely dubbed our cradle galaxy, as well as Andromeda, had long since been warred over and settled for millennia before humanity had arrived, bright-eyed and with familiar yet otherwise foolish dreams of cooperation and prosperity. The Jurisdiction did not cooperate, nor did it ensure prosperity. Oh, it claimed it did, but in reality it simply took. The rest was just the peace that came with not being the direct target of the biggest fish in the pond. The humans didn't like that, but they had no choice.
Slavery was a common tribute. The Jurisdiction had no use for other resources: it simply took. No, it wanted those who could facilitate that unequal exchange, those raised in a world where the only morality was the one set by your lord. The Jurisdiction was held together by expectations, obligations, and dury more than any kind of shared dream, so when you were ordered to take you did so without question. Humanity was new: they had no niche or value that set them apart, but they had a penchant for killing and taking, so the Jurisdiction gave them a taste of how the galaxy worked. They killed and they took. The humans didn't like that, but what choice did they have?
Humans were strange. They learned, but not in the way most species learned. Most species learned to adapt in a passive way, to adhere to the world around them. They flowed like water, moving past and around obstacles and confirming to the boxes they were assigned too. Humans didn't confirm, nor did they adapt: they made their circumstances fit their desires. They would not move around obstacles, but rather smash through them, and they refused to stay in one box for too long. The Jurisdiction merely saw them as a particularly loud nuisance, but those who faced their wrath knew better.
It is said that when a beast seeks to make an example, it shall humble its rival by killing it's cubs. Children were one of those universal constants that brought entire communities together: the Sokâklar saw their hatchlings as gifts, shaped by the fruitful currents of the universe in perfect harmony. The Yarrack saw each and every newborn whelp as an uncut gemstone, ready to be shaped into something magical. Humanity oftentimes referred to their offspring as angels, or spirits of unbridled good sent by the gods themselves. Children were seen by most of the galaxy as gifts.
The Jurisdiction saw them as a lever to inflict suffering. It had become quite effective at enacting psychological punishments on those that stood up and spoke out. You dare to disobey? You believe you can speak out? Your gifts shall be taken from you, and you shall be without joy.
Humans didn't like this, but the Jurisdiction would have their pound of flesh, and humankind would kneel. And they did. But humans were patient creatures: most species who retained that trait of willful spit also lacked patience.
I had long since become desensitized to the Jurisdictionâs actions: it was simply how the universe worked now, as if it were a constant akin to gravity. Cruelty was the unspoken rule of this seemingly unending age, where our lives never appeared to move forward or backwards, only lay dormant. The Jurisdiction had been the unyielding authority that ruled the galaxy for thousands of years, venerable yet feared all the same.
And for the longest time I was just another cog in its wheel. My name is Kalnuracht Sedjuur-Noumar VII, and was the scion of the noble house Sedjuur-Noumar. I was born into what most would describe as veiled apathy, living a life that could be attributed to the privileged class of feared scribes that enacted the will of those above. I was an administrator and nothing more. And now I am doomed to be far less than that in the eyes of my former constituents within the endless administration. I am the only scion, as is tradition, and without an heir I am the last of my house, our name to be scrubbed from the records, worthless, meaningless, and forgotten.
I am merely Kalnuracht, nothing else and nothing more. I have seen from their eyes, the eyes of the downtrodden, and it makes my crimes of association with the Jurisdiction feel all the more damning on my worthless soul. I am worthless to the world, and this is my story.
End Personal Log #1
Start of Neural Lace Narrative Log #1
They came from the black like carrion birds in the night, encircling our convoy as if it were a dying animal ready to be picked clean without remorse. There was no warning, no list of demands sent out as civilized peoples did, nor was there either any requirement for unconditional surrender nor chance to parlay, as was done so under letter of marque: this was an unmistakable call for violence and nothing else. They sought to reduce us to slag and scavenge the rest.
So, as one would expect, the entire bridge of the ship was nearing a panicked state. This was not the actions of those practicing civility, but rather the common behaviors of despoiling barbarians, the kind that tore their way through the dark reaches of the galaxy as if they owned it.
âWayfinder, what do your probes see?â Shouted the shipâs sovereign. He was an older KarâRowmach, an amphibious cephalopod species with a venerable history within the Jurisdiction going back thousands of years. Normally one such as him would be above me if it weren't for the fact that I was under the authority of the Jurisdictionâs seal of office. He didn't like me very much, but most of his kind shared the same sentiment.
âAll dark, honorable Sovereign: the sensor arrays are wailing but the feedback we're reviewing is beyond incomprehensible,â the wayfinder replied with a certain restrained temper in his voice. The Sok'klar wayfinder swayed gently, his tentacled limbs grasping different metallo-liquid braille output arrays, the liquid gallium flexing and reshaping unnaturally to allow him to to take in multiple different sources of sensory output at once, with the primary navigation computer plugged into the cybernetics surrounding his opaque, gelatinous head and plugging directly into his tube-shaped brain.
The Sovereign cursed in Loskat and pointed to his bridge crew while I simply sat in the back, near the Sovereignâs symbolic throne. âPrepare countermeasures and spool up the warp drive, we cannot allow the amanuensis to be taken! He carries sensitive information that only he can translate and transcribe!â
As the bridge crew nodded and began fiddling with their own systems, I preened my feathered hide anxiously. I wasn't a fighter: us nobles of the cloth were the educated minority above all else, not those who waged war or partook in hard labor. Special cybernetics in my brain allowed me to translate triple-encoded messages that usually took a ducal signet codekey or above to parse, but even without that I was a skilled mathematician and logician. I had terabytes worth of knowledge stored within the hardware installed in my head, all well protected of course, but if I were to die it would still be a waste. I could only imagine the damage any malcontenders could do with it if they were able to get their filthy hands on me.
Suddenly, the ship rocked, and the gallium overhead display began to form crescendos like I'd never seen before. âSovereign, decks A-3 through C-12 are venting atmosphere and our coolant systems have been obliterated,â the Wayfinder spoke in an almost serene voice, as if he was completely unconcerned by current events. I knew they were simply incapable of tonal displays, but it was unnerving nonetheless. âOnce we jump, we will not be able to risk another until the vacuum of the void can reduce temperatures to acceptable levels within the plasma capacitors.â
âDamn them,â the armored nautiloid hissed, his barbed feelers coiling in frustration, âMay the currents take them. What are our options? what can we see? This fleet cannot fall to the void today, not with such vital cargo.â My hackles rose lightly at the KarâRowmach referred to me as some object rather than an esteemed amanuensis of the Jurisdiction, but I bit my forked tongue. Now was not the time to squabble with the sovereign over who was what and what titles I deserved, not while he was so desperately attempting to keep what semblance of order within his fleet that he had left.
I could not blame the crew for being panicked either: wars were practically mythologized now, having been long since rendered obsolete with the rise of the Jurisdiction, and that felt like an eternity ago. Now, either being levied into or joining a ducal naval force was simply another career, more akin to serving as an officer of the law rather than a fully fledged soldier. Minimal training was required, most of it being the technicals of one's duty rather than any kind of combat conditioning, so expecting a fleet to actually be prepared for a combat scenario in a universe where peace was the norm was laughable.
âWe are practically blind, Sovereign,â stated the Sok'klar Wayfinder, âour probes are offline, and shipboard graviton displacement sensory arrays have been rendered unreliable at best.â
âWhat about the particle emission array? Has there been a spike in radioactivity where we were hit?â
The Wayfinder seemed to think for a second, his gelatinous form flexing and morphing a bit before answering. âAffirmative, a jump from negligible to forty billion becquerels along decks A through E-5 on our starboard side.â
âTorpedoesâŚâ the Sovereign hissed, stroking his barbed feelers, âHuman Torpedoes. Only those primitives would rely on crude nuclear warheads.â He then turned to his militant leaders on the ship. âNoddos, Relâads: organize your phalanxes and prepare to repel boarders. We are bound to be assailed by those rancorous primates, and I want their skulls piled at my feet if they dare set foot on our ship.â
âYour wish is our command, Sovereign,â the two militant commanders spoke as one. Noddos, a large bipedal with multiple sets of curved spines running down his back, a pair of graceful horns sprouting from his head, and multiple rows of sharp teeth in his snout, bowed first, followed by Relâads, a marsupial with long saberteeth and thick fur. They both must have been fierce warriors in their own right to each lead a phalanx. They wore thick, semi-powered armor and held dueling polearms alongside their usual plasma casters, and seemed completely unfazed by the situation we were in. As they stomped out of the brightly lit bridge, I let out a quiet squawk of discontentment. âSovereign, why haven't we jumped again? We are wasting precious time.â
âI am working on it, you spineless beaurocrat!â He warbled back, his feelers tensing in anger, âbesides, it's not as if you're the one who will be spilling blood today, amanuensis, so flatten your wretched beak or I shall weld it shut with a plasma torch.
I was about to reply with something indignant, but the ship rocked again, this time causing the lights to flicker and the air to become⌠thick. The skin under my feathers began to blister, and I became lightheaded and confused. âSeal the damnable vents, initiate radiation scrubbers, and activate secondary life support!â Shouted the Sovereign, âTheir nuclear weapons are rendering the ship inhospitable!â
I coughed up magenta blood accidentally, and I could feel more seeping from under my eyes. Some of the crew was in a similar position, but others were more resistant to radiation than I. The Sok'klar seemed completely at ease as he ran his tentacles across his morphic braille arrays before calmly announcing the shipâs status. âI've regained some control over our probes: ten, twelve, and seventeen are active and fully functional, the rest are either still malfunctioning or permanently inoperable. A rapid rise in localized radiation is also interfering with the detection of graviton displacement; we can't sense photon redirection, thus readings will remain inconclusive.
âWayfinder, damn you, get me some kind of out here! We're easy prey until we can respond in kind!â
âNegative, something has gone awry with our processing hub, I am attempting to troubleshoot-â
And with that, the Wayfinderâs bulbous head exploded in a cascade of opaque lavender blood, covering the front half of the deck crew like a morbid art piece. Some of the crew screamed and shouted in terror before removing their cranial adaptors and choosing to interact with their displays manually. Others died just as quickly, unable to unplug in time as their brain stems fried or their blood boiled. It was a horrible way to go, having your insides neutralized by your own cybernetics, so I was glad I wasn't connected to the system.
âCybernetic warfare! All systems are to be considered compromised, switch to manual settings or you'll be killed!â
The lights in the bridge flickered again, and the displays went haywire. The bridge crew, which obviously weren't acquainted with working without being hard-linked into the mainframe, moved at a much slower pace.
âLaunch missile pods A through F and set to self-target after five hundred kilometers, then rely on their ballistic coordinates to begin firing broadsides! If we can't see the humans due to their meddling, we'll just have to feel them.â Shouted the Sovereign, âand got me a detailed report on the shipâs diagnostics readings. I need to know if this flagship is still capable of escaping or if we'll have to scuttle it and retreat on another.â
âAcknowledged, Sovereign, launching now,â affirmed another deck officer as he swiped across his own gallium output array. I could hear the dull thunk, thunk, thunk of missiles pushing out of their pods before racing off to their intended targets, then the mechanical whirring as the pods rotated to be reloaded by slaves in the lower decks. I was regaining my bearings as the many horrible sensations of being overwhelmed by radiation poisoning were beginning to subside, but I still felt as if I had been microwaved. The air was stale, the crew was horribly sick as well, and even the sovereign himself seemed to be on his last leg. I was beginning to believe that I might die here.
âSovereign, a message from the lower decks,â shouted a communications officer, his chitin scraping against itself as he turned quickly, âthey're requesting reinforcements, something about being overrun.â
âImpossible,â the Sovereign hissed out in a vain attempt to exude confidence, âWe must outnumber the humans, they always go for bigger targets out of arrogance.â
âI've received reports that it's not just humans: the primates seem to make up only a third or so of the assailing force, along with some Phaeldaer and Vrex.â
The commander slammed his clawed hands down on his own output array in a fit of rage, obviously overwhelmed by the circumstances, âThen this wasn't just a typical assault, but something more sinister!â The nautiloid warbled, blood seeping from his shell as the full effects of the radiation took hold, âGet Relâads on the line, have him divert all spare lances to the lower decks or else we'll lose the only offensive capabilities we can use.â
âRel'ads has gone dark, Sovereign, his vitals are critical.â
âThen either get me Rel'ads tail-leader or get me Noddos!â He screamed in rage, âdon't give me this nonsense! If we don't pick it up we're all going to die, is that what you want?â
âNo, Sovereign, I'm simply overwhelmed-â
âWe're all overwhelmed! By the tides, I'm dying of radiation poisoning you nincompoop! Get me something I can work with!â
The officer didn't even acknowledge the Sovereign after that, simply turning back to his display. Eventually, the Sovereign was able to get Noddos on the line.
âSovereign, two thirds of my phalanxes have been decimated by combat with the primitives and the radiation, the rest are in shambles. We must retreat and fortify elsewhere!â
âThen the ship is compromised! Rel'ads is unresponsive and the lower decks are swarming with intruders. We must evacuate the amanuensis to another ship.â
Just as the Sovereign spoke, I heard several gentle thumps rattle against the bridgeâs door, and it made me uneasy. Some of the bridge crew seemed to feel the same, as they looked incredibly nervous and some even drew their sidearms. Just as the sovereign turned to give further orders, the door blew inward with a deafening explosion, followed by shouting and gunfire. Several of the bridge officers were dispatched quickly, brain matter and blood splattering against the delicate electronics. Others were shot in the legs, the torso, or in any other exotic yet non-vital body parts. The humans poured in, brandishing primitive ballistic firearms and jury-rigged energy weapons while wearing scavenged, legion-grade powered armor.
The Sovereign was the next to go, but he wasn't afforded an honorable death. He was shot along the arm with a particularly potent plasma caster, burning off his clawed hand and cauterizing the wound, the acrid smell of roasting chitin filling the already hot and cramped bridge. He fell back against his output array, the gallium reaching new highs and lows as more diagnostics and casualty reports were delivered, and he clutched his stump angrily. âI'll burn every last one of you in the foundries! I'll tie you to stakes, cover you in wax and set you alight! Your screams will be broadcasted all over the galaxy!â
One human warrior stomped up and slammed the butt of his rifle into the sovereignâs face, shattering his facial plates and causing blue blood to splatter across his section of the bridge. âShut the fuck up, you mutant lobster,â the human said before dragging him by both antennae towards the center of the bridge and receiving a stained breeching axe from one of his comrades. âEmmanuel, start recording. We need proof.â
The other human nodded and pressed a button on his armor before lifting up his gun again. The rest of the humans fanned out, holding everyone else at gunpoint. I tried to get up and sneak out, but a human grabbed me by my neck and nearly wrung it out as he forced me to my knees and pointed a sidearm to my skull. âGet down, you piece of shit, before I blow your brains out too.â
âDamnable primate,â I hissed, but he bashed me in my skull with the base of his sidearmâs grip and sent me sprawling, making my already pounding headache worse. Another human shouted at him in a language I didn't recognize, but he sounded furious. The first brought me back up to my knees again, and I complies with a hiss and a groan, blood still leaking from my eyes and mouth and my world was spinning.
The Sovereign struggled, but he was weak from the radiation poisoning and he couldn't exactly resist on account of his lost arm. The human with the breaching ax kicked the Sovereign down and forced him to kneel before lifting up the breeching ax and splitting his chitinous head down the middle with one powerful swing, sending more blood and brains across the floor. âExecution confirmed, take his antennae just in case and we've got ourselves a bounty. Now all we need is that ugly catâs teeth and the fat hedgehog-thingâs grimy spines and we'll be in business. Although, they do have skulls⌠we might as well just take their heads.â
The real horror of the situation dawned on me at that moment: they were going to kill us all, or maybe worse. They mentioned a bounty for the commanders, and multiple of the higher ranking ship officers were already dead, their brains splattered against the walls or their bodies torn apart by gunfire. I wasn't dead yet, but that didn't mean much since I wasn't an immediate threat.
âAlright, round them up and bring all the grunts to the hanger bay, then kill the rest,â the leader of the humans said in such a lackadaisical manner that his complete disregard for life almost made me sick⌠almost. I had seen worse from the Jurisdiction before, but usually that was from me delivering some kind of ordered judgment on a world that had sinned against order. I might have simply been the messenger, but I had seen many of the outcomes. âAnd make sure to collect whatever proof of bounties you can, we'll need to deliver them to the office to get cashed out. Don't let this be a repeat of last time where Juarez fucking forgot to take a few heads and it ended up cutting our profits in half, the fucking retard.â
Some of the humans chuckled at that as they dragged more of the senior officers away, out of the room and into the hall,where I heard gunshots. The rest of the bridge crew froze in place, different fear instincts kicking in. The remaining Sok'klar corralled together into what seemed to be a singular, semi-congealed mass as if to try and trick the humans into believing that they were much bigger and much more threatening than they actually were. The one Theiâchi on the bridge, an ensign who had clearly thought this would be a simple mission, bore her curved fangs at the humans and growled as they approached, her hackles completely vertical and her eyes dilated. They quickly muzzled and bound her before beating her over the head with a gun stock, sending her sprawling onto the ground. Many others simply cooperated, eyes wide and yet simultaneously empty, as if they couldn't quite process that the ship had been taken and the commanding officers were being executed as the rest were escorted to the hangar.
âGet the damn messenger down to the hanger as well, we need whatever data's in his ugly lizard head, then we can decide on what to do with him.â
I spat at him in spite, as if to try and seem brave, but it was clearly an empty gesture. âYou won't get anything, primate! You couldn't possibly crack the encryption!â
The human holding me seemed to wind up for another swing, but the commanding officer simply held up his hand to stop my tormentor before strolling over to me. He knelt down and removed his helmet, revealing a beige-colored face covered in scars, wiry black hair cut down to the scalp, and multiple tattoos. âYou're really fucking mouthy for a hostage,â he said before punching me across my beak faster than I could register. I heard a sharp crack as his fist connected, and my head spun again as the metallic taste of blood pooled into my mouth. âI'd advise you to shut up, but I'm sure you won't listen: you aristocratic types are so full of yourselves. Maybe I should have you flogged in the public square until your vocal chords give out once we rip those cybernetics from your head, huh? How's that sound?â
âIt won't matter⌠it won't change anything⌠the Jurisdiction will hunt you down.â
âMaybe, but I doubt it will happen for some time: they really suck at doing anything that requires effort, even when they're mad enough. They just keep sending their rabid lapdogs to try and smoke us out, and they always end up full of holes,â the human officer said with a smirk, his yellowish-white teeth and green eyes sending shivers down my spine as he drew his knife. âThey're just horrible at their job, you know? You've all gotten so lazy and incompetent after being able to just take what you want without resistance, and now that you've met people who are angry and crazy enough to fight back you act as if we're committing some grave injustice,â he placed the knife against my throat, the flat just underneath my now bent beak, âNo, we just took a few pages out of your book, âcept we've got standards. No kids, for oneâŚâ he seemed to look off into the distance as his sneer deepened, âbut it's more than that, we don't attack the defenseless in general and we still win against you all in fair fights.â
I went to say something else snarky, but he quickly grabbed my thin tongue with his fingers and yanked it out, blood from my mouth pulling to the floor as he held the blade of his knife against it. âNo no, none of that. Say one more thing and I'll cut that rancid little tongue of yours out of your mouth and feed it to you,â he hissed at me, pressing the blade down just hard enough to draw blood. âDo you know what it's like to see a planet turn into a tomb?" he asked me, gritting his teeth, âDo you know what it's like to see everything you've ever known crumble to ash and glass, all the life and the green stripped away leaving nothing but bones? I do. I've seen it happen to countless worlds, and my grandfather always told me stories of how you bastards did it to Earth. He still prays in its direction five times a day, to Mecca, but he knows the Kaaba is gone now, or maybe it's still there, buried in the bones of those who sought refuge there.â
I didn't care for the humanâs nonsensical beliefs, but I did care to correct him. âI've seen it before, and I'll see it again. And so will you, it's inevitable. The Jurisdiction will always have its judgment fulfilled, there is no alternative.â
âOne day, I hope we can rectify that,â he said, then he sheathed his knife and slammed my head against the metal floor with enough force to nearly knock me out. As I lost consciousness, I could hear him speak. âTake him to the Chop Doc, and make sure the cybernetics don't get damaged: they're supposedly more valuable than any bounty on this ship.â
Warning: Severe radiation poisoning detected. Flush system immediately.
Warning: Neural Lace removal detected, chance of neurological damage high. Proceeded with caution.
submitted by Gazooonga to HFY [link] [comments]
Start of Personal Log
Humans don't like being told what to do. They don't like being commanded, put in their place, or snubbed. It was an inexorable, inalienable trait of humans, at least any noteable humans, to go against any authority that they believed was against their interests.
Humanity would not fit amongst the stars. Few ever did. It was a trait of most successful species to be willful, ambitious, and to desire more. But once they reached the stars the new (and simultaneously very old) pecking order either quashed any spirit such species had or simply eradicated them. Countless tomb worlds and diaspora served as painful reminders of what became of the nails that chose to stick out. The hammer of order would always strike. There could be no compromise, the very soul of the authority that held the Jurisdiction together relied on a show of unmatched power, or at least the illusion of item.
In reality, the Jurisdiction was an old, fat, and lazy beast. It filled its belly on the corpses of empires far and wide, and sated its bloodlust on the shattered dreams of hopeful cubs. It had every right to, for none could challenge it: there were no new frontiers to explore, nor were there any other enemies to conquer. The Milky Way, as humans had so strangely dubbed our cradle galaxy, as well as Andromeda, had long since been warred over and settled for millennia before humanity had arrived, bright-eyed and with familiar yet otherwise foolish dreams of cooperation and prosperity. The Jurisdiction did not cooperate, nor did it ensure prosperity. Oh, it claimed it did, but in reality it simply took. The rest was just the peace that came with not being the direct target of the biggest fish in the pond. The humans didn't like that, but they had no choice.
Slavery was a common tribute. The Jurisdiction had no use for other resources: it simply took. No, it wanted those who could facilitate that unequal exchange, those raised in a world where the only morality was the one set by your lord. The Jurisdiction was held together by expectations, obligations, and dury more than any kind of shared dream, so when you were ordered to take you did so without question. Humanity was new: they had no niche or value that set them apart, but they had a penchant for killing and taking, so the Jurisdiction gave them a taste of how the galaxy worked. They killed and they took. The humans didn't like that, but what choice did they have?
Humans were strange. They learned, but not in the way most species learned. Most species learned to adapt in a passive way, to adhere to the world around them. They flowed like water, moving past and around obstacles and confirming to the boxes they were assigned too. Humans didn't confirm, nor did they adapt: they made their circumstances fit their desires. They would not move around obstacles, but rather smash through them, and they refused to stay in one box for too long. The Jurisdiction merely saw them as a particularly loud nuisance, but those who faced their wrath knew better.
It is said that when a beast seeks to make an example, it shall humble its rival by killing it's cubs. Children were one of those universal constants that brought entire communities together: the Sokâklar saw their hatchlings as gifts, shaped by the fruitful currents of the universe in perfect harmony. The Yarrack saw each and every newborn whelp as an uncut gemstone, ready to be shaped into something magical. Humanity oftentimes referred to their offspring as angels, or spirits of unbridled good sent by the gods themselves. Children were seen by most of the galaxy as gifts.
The Jurisdiction saw them as a lever to inflict suffering. It had become quite effective at enacting psychological punishments on those that stood up and spoke out. You dare to disobey? You believe you can speak out? Your gifts shall be taken from you, and you shall be without joy.
Humans didn't like this, but the Jurisdiction would have their pound of flesh, and humankind would kneel. And they did. But humans were patient creatures: most species who retained that trait of willful spit also lacked patience.
I had long since become desensitized to the Jurisdictionâs actions: it was simply how the universe worked now, as if it were a constant akin to gravity. Cruelty was the unspoken rule of this seemingly unending age, where our lives never appeared to move forward or backwards, only lay dormant. The Jurisdiction had been the unyielding authority that ruled the galaxy for thousands of years, venerable yet feared all the same.
And for the longest time I was just another cog in its wheel. My name is Kalnuracht Sedjuur-Noumar VII, and was the scion of the noble house Sedjuur-Noumar. I was born into what most would describe as veiled apathy, living a life that could be attributed to the privileged class of feared scribes that enacted the will of those above. I was an administrator and nothing more. And now I am doomed to be far less than that in the eyes of my former constituents within the endless administration. I am the only scion, as is tradition, and without an heir I am the last of my house, our name to be scrubbed from the records, worthless, meaningless, and forgotten.
I am merely Kalnuracht, nothing else and nothing more. I have seen from their eyes, the eyes of the downtrodden, and it makes my crimes of association with the Jurisdiction feel all the more damning on my worthless soul. I am worthless to the world, and this is my story.
End Personal Log #1
Start of Neural Lace Narrative Log #1
They came from the black like carrion birds in the night, encircling our convoy as if it were a dying animal ready to be picked clean without remorse. There was no warning, no list of demands sent out as civilized peoples did, nor was there either any requirement for unconditional surrender nor chance to parlay, as was done so under letter of marque: this was an unmistakable call for violence and nothing else. They sought to reduce us to slag and scavenge the rest.
So, as one would expect, the entire bridge of the ship was nearing a panicked state. This was not the actions of those practicing civility, but rather the common behaviors of despoiling barbarians, the kind that tore their way through the dark reaches of the galaxy as if they owned it.
âWayfinder, what do your probes see?â Shouted the shipâs sovereign. He was an older KarâRowmach, an amphibious cephalopod species with a venerable history within the Jurisdiction going back thousands of years. Normally one such as him would be above me if it weren't for the fact that I was under the authority of the Jurisdictionâs seal of office. He didn't like me very much, but most of his kind shared the same sentiment.
âAll dark, honorable Sovereign: the sensor arrays are wailing but the feedback we're reviewing is beyond incomprehensible,â the wayfinder replied with a certain restrained temper in his voice. The Sok'klar wayfinder swayed gently, his tentacled limbs grasping different metallo-liquid braille output arrays, the liquid gallium flexing and reshaping unnaturally to allow him to to take in multiple different sources of sensory output at once, with the primary navigation computer plugged into the cybernetics surrounding his opaque, gelatinous head and plugging directly into his tube-shaped brain.
The Sovereign cursed in Loskat and pointed to his bridge crew while I simply sat in the back, near the Sovereignâs symbolic throne. âPrepare countermeasures and spool up the warp drive, we cannot allow the amanuensis to be taken! He carries sensitive information that only he can translate and transcribe!â
As the bridge crew nodded and began fiddling with their own systems, I preened my feathered hide anxiously. I wasn't a fighter: us nobles of the cloth were the educated minority above all else, not those who waged war or partook in hard labor. Special cybernetics in my brain allowed me to translate triple-encoded messages that usually took a ducal signet codekey or above to parse, but even without that I was a skilled mathematician and logician. I had terabytes worth of knowledge stored within the hardware installed in my head, all well protected of course, but if I were to die it would still be a waste. I could only imagine the damage any malcontenders could do with it if they were able to get their filthy hands on me.
Suddenly, the ship rocked, and the gallium overhead display began to form crescendos like I'd never seen before. âSovereign, decks A-3 through C-12 are venting atmosphere and our coolant systems have been obliterated,â the Wayfinder spoke in an almost serene voice, as if he was completely unconcerned by current events. I knew they were simply incapable of tonal displays, but it was unnerving nonetheless. âOnce we jump, we will not be able to risk another until the vacuum of the void can reduce temperatures to acceptable levels within the plasma capacitors.â
âDamn them,â the armored nautiloid hissed, his barbed feelers coiling in frustration, âMay the currents take them. What are our options? what can we see? This fleet cannot fall to the void today, not with such vital cargo.â My hackles rose lightly at the KarâRowmach referred to me as some object rather than an esteemed amanuensis of the Jurisdiction, but I bit my forked tongue. Now was not the time to squabble with the sovereign over who was what and what titles I deserved, not while he was so desperately attempting to keep what semblance of order within his fleet that he had left.
I could not blame the crew for being panicked either: wars were practically mythologized now, having been long since rendered obsolete with the rise of the Jurisdiction, and that felt like an eternity ago. Now, either being levied into or joining a ducal naval force was simply another career, more akin to serving as an officer of the law rather than a fully fledged soldier. Minimal training was required, most of it being the technicals of one's duty rather than any kind of combat conditioning, so expecting a fleet to actually be prepared for a combat scenario in a universe where peace was the norm was laughable.
âWe are practically blind, Sovereign,â stated the Sok'klar Wayfinder, âour probes are offline, and shipboard graviton displacement sensory arrays have been rendered unreliable at best.â
âWhat about the particle emission array? Has there been a spike in radioactivity where we were hit?â
The Wayfinder seemed to think for a second, his gelatinous form flexing and morphing a bit before answering. âAffirmative, a jump from negligible to forty billion becquerels along decks A through E-5 on our starboard side.â
âTorpedoesâŚâ the Sovereign hissed, stroking his barbed feelers, âHuman Torpedoes. Only those primitives would rely on crude nuclear warheads.â He then turned to his militant leaders on the ship. âNoddos, Relâads: organize your phalanxes and prepare to repel boarders. We are bound to be assailed by those rancorous primates, and I want their skulls piled at my feet if they dare set foot on our ship.â
âYour wish is our command, Sovereign,â the two militant commanders spoke as one. Noddos, a large bipedal with multiple sets of curved spines running down his back, a pair of graceful horns sprouting from his head, and multiple rows of sharp teeth in his snout, bowed first, followed by Relâads, a marsupial with long saberteeth and thick fur. They both must have been fierce warriors in their own right to each lead a phalanx. They wore thick, semi-powered armor and held dueling polearms alongside their usual plasma casters, and seemed completely unfazed by the situation we were in. As they stomped out of the brightly lit bridge, I let out a quiet squawk of discontentment. âSovereign, why haven't we jumped again? We are wasting precious time.â
âI am working on it, you spineless beaurocrat!â He warbled back, his feelers tensing in anger, âbesides, it's not as if you're the one who will be spilling blood today, amanuensis, so flatten your wretched beak or I shall weld it shut with a plasma torch.
I was about to reply with something indignant, but the ship rocked again, this time causing the lights to flicker and the air to become⌠thick. The skin under my feathers began to blister, and I became lightheaded and confused. âSeal the damnable vents, initiate radiation scrubbers, and activate secondary life support!â Shouted the Sovereign, âTheir nuclear weapons are rendering the ship inhospitable!â
I coughed up magenta blood accidentally, and I could feel more seeping from under my eyes. Some of the crew was in a similar position, but others were more resistant to radiation than I. The Sok'klar seemed completely at ease as he ran his tentacles across his morphic braille arrays before calmly announcing the shipâs status. âI've regained some control over our probes: ten, twelve, and seventeen are active and fully functional, the rest are either still malfunctioning or permanently inoperable. A rapid rise in localized radiation is also interfering with the detection of graviton displacement; we can't sense photon redirection, thus readings will remain inconclusive.
âWayfinder, damn you, get me some kind of out here! We're easy prey until we can respond in kind!â
âNegative, something has gone awry with our processing hub, I am attempting to troubleshoot-â
And with that, the Wayfinderâs bulbous head exploded in a cascade of opaque lavender blood, covering the front half of the deck crew like a morbid art piece. Some of the crew screamed and shouted in terror before removing their cranial adaptors and choosing to interact with their displays manually. Others died just as quickly, unable to unplug in time as their brain stems fried or their blood boiled. It was a horrible way to go, having your insides neutralized by your own cybernetics, so I was glad I wasn't connected to the system.
âCybernetic warfare! All systems are to be considered compromised, switch to manual settings or you'll be killed!â
The lights in the bridge flickered again, and the displays went haywire. The bridge crew, which obviously weren't acquainted with working without being hard-linked into the mainframe, moved at a much slower pace.
âLaunch missile pods A through F and set to self-target after five hundred kilometers, then rely on their ballistic coordinates to begin firing broadsides! If we can't see the humans due to their meddling, we'll just have to feel them.â Shouted the Sovereign, âand got me a detailed report on the shipâs diagnostics readings. I need to know if this flagship is still capable of escaping or if we'll have to scuttle it and retreat on another.â
âAcknowledged, Sovereign, launching now,â affirmed another deck officer as he swiped across his own gallium output array. I could hear the dull thunk, thunk, thunk of missiles pushing out of their pods before racing off to their intended targets, then the mechanical whirring as the pods rotated to be reloaded by slaves in the lower decks. I was regaining my bearings as the many horrible sensations of being overwhelmed by radiation poisoning were beginning to subside, but I still felt as if I had been microwaved. The air was stale, the crew was horribly sick as well, and even the sovereign himself seemed to be on his last leg. I was beginning to believe that I might die here.
âSovereign, a message from the lower decks,â shouted a communications officer, his chitin scraping against itself as he turned quickly, âthey're requesting reinforcements, something about being overrun.â
âImpossible,â the Sovereign hissed out in a vain attempt to exude confidence, âWe must outnumber the humans, they always go for bigger targets out of arrogance.â
âI've received reports that it's not just humans: the primates seem to make up only a third or so of the assailing force, along with some Phaeldaer and Vrex.â
The commander slammed his clawed hands down on his own output array in a fit of rage, obviously overwhelmed by the circumstances, âThen this wasn't just a typical assault, but something more sinister!â The nautiloid warbled, blood seeping from his shell as the full effects of the radiation took hold, âGet Relâads on the line, have him divert all spare lances to the lower decks or else we'll lose the only offensive capabilities we can use.â
âRel'ads has gone dark, Sovereign, his vitals are critical.â
âThen either get me Rel'ads tail-leader or get me Noddos!â He screamed in rage, âdon't give me this nonsense! If we don't pick it up we're all going to die, is that what you want?â
âNo, Sovereign, I'm simply overwhelmed-â
âWe're all overwhelmed! By the tides, I'm dying of radiation poisoning you nincompoop! Get me something I can work with!â
The officer didn't even acknowledge the Sovereign after that, simply turning back to his display. Eventually, the Sovereign was able to get Noddos on the line.
âSovereign, two thirds of my phalanxes have been decimated by combat with the primitives and the radiation, the rest are in shambles. We must retreat and fortify elsewhere!â
âThen the ship is compromised! Rel'ads is unresponsive and the lower decks are swarming with intruders. We must evacuate the amanuensis to another ship.â
Just as the Sovereign spoke, I heard several gentle thumps rattle against the bridgeâs door, and it made me uneasy. Some of the bridge crew seemed to feel the same, as they looked incredibly nervous and some even drew their sidearms. Just as the sovereign turned to give further orders, the door blew inward with a deafening explosion, followed by shouting and gunfire. Several of the bridge officers were dispatched quickly, brain matter and blood splattering against the delicate electronics. Others were shot in the legs, the torso, or in any other exotic yet non-vital body parts. The humans poured in, brandishing primitive ballistic firearms and jury-rigged energy weapons while wearing scavenged, legion-grade powered armor.
The Sovereign was the next to go, but he wasn't afforded an honorable death. He was shot along the arm with a particularly potent plasma caster, burning off his clawed hand and cauterizing the wound, the acrid smell of roasting chitin filling the already hot and cramped bridge. He fell back against his output array, the gallium reaching new highs and lows as more diagnostics and casualty reports were delivered, and he clutched his stump angrily. âI'll burn every last one of you in the foundries! I'll tie you to stakes, cover you in wax and set you alight! Your screams will be broadcasted all over the galaxy!â
One human warrior stomped up and slammed the butt of his rifle into the sovereignâs face, shattering his facial plates and causing blue blood to splatter across his section of the bridge. âShut the fuck up, you mutant lobster,â the human said before dragging him by both antennae towards the center of the bridge and receiving a stained breeching axe from one of his comrades. âEmmanuel, start recording. We need proof.â
The other human nodded and pressed a button on his armor before lifting up his gun again. The rest of the humans fanned out, holding everyone else at gunpoint. I tried to get up and sneak out, but a human grabbed me by my neck and nearly wrung it out as he forced me to my knees and pointed a sidearm to my skull. âGet down, you piece of shit, before I blow your brains out too.â
âDamnable primate,â I hissed, but he bashed me in my skull with the base of his sidearmâs grip and sent me sprawling, making my already pounding headache worse. Another human shouted at him in a language I didn't recognize, but he sounded furious. The first brought me back up to my knees again, and I complies with a hiss and a groan, blood still leaking from my eyes and mouth and my world was spinning.
The Sovereign struggled, but he was weak from the radiation poisoning and he couldn't exactly resist on account of his lost arm. The human with the breaching ax kicked the Sovereign down and forced him to kneel before lifting up the breeching ax and splitting his chitinous head down the middle with one powerful swing, sending more blood and brains across the floor. âExecution confirmed, take his antennae just in case and we've got ourselves a bounty. Now all we need is that ugly catâs teeth and the fat hedgehog-thingâs grimy spines and we'll be in business. Although, they do have skulls⌠we might as well just take their heads.â
The real horror of the situation dawned on me at that moment: they were going to kill us all, or maybe worse. They mentioned a bounty for the commanders, and multiple of the higher ranking ship officers were already dead, their brains splattered against the walls or their bodies torn apart by gunfire. I wasn't dead yet, but that didn't mean much since I wasn't an immediate threat.
âAlright, round them up and bring all the grunts to the hanger bay, then kill the rest,â the leader of the humans said in such a lackadaisical manner that his complete disregard for life almost made me sick⌠almost. I had seen worse from the Jurisdiction before, but usually that was from me delivering some kind of ordered judgment on a world that had sinned against order. I might have simply been the messenger, but I had seen many of the outcomes. âAnd make sure to collect whatever proof of bounties you can, we'll need to deliver them to the office to get cashed out. Don't let this be a repeat of last time where Juarez fucking forgot to take a few heads and it ended up cutting our profits in half, the fucking retard.â
Some of the humans chuckled at that as they dragged more of the senior officers away, out of the room and into the hall,where I heard gunshots. The rest of the bridge crew froze in place, different fear instincts kicking in. The remaining Sok'klar corralled together into what seemed to be a singular, semi-congealed mass as if to try and trick the humans into believing that they were much bigger and much more threatening than they actually were. The one Theiâchi on the bridge, an ensign who had clearly thought this would be a simple mission, bore her curved fangs at the humans and growled as they approached, her hackles completely vertical and her eyes dilated. They quickly muzzled and bound her before beating her over the head with a gun stock, sending her sprawling onto the ground. Many others simply cooperated, eyes wide and yet simultaneously empty, as if they couldn't quite process that the ship had been taken and the commanding officers were being executed as the rest were escorted to the hangar.
âGet the damn messenger down to the hanger as well, we need whatever data's in his ugly lizard head, then we can decide on what to do with him.â
I spat at him in spite, as if to try and seem brave, but it was clearly an empty gesture. âYou won't get anything, primate! You couldn't possibly crack the encryption!â
The human holding me seemed to wind up for another swing, but the commanding officer simply held up his hand to stop my tormentor before strolling over to me. He knelt down and removed his helmet, revealing a beige-colored face covered in scars, wiry black hair cut down to the scalp, and multiple tattoos. âYou're really fucking mouthy for a hostage,â he said before punching me across my beak faster than I could register. I heard a sharp crack as his fist connected, and my head spun again as the metallic taste of blood pooled into my mouth. âI'd advise you to shut up, but I'm sure you won't listen: you aristocratic types are so full of yourselves. Maybe I should have you flogged in the public square until your vocal chords give out once we rip those cybernetics from your head, huh? How's that sound?â
âIt won't matter⌠it won't change anything⌠the Jurisdiction will hunt you down.â
âMaybe, but I doubt it will happen for some time: they really suck at doing anything that requires effort, even when they're mad enough. They just keep sending their rabid lapdogs to try and smoke us out, and they always end up full of holes,â the human officer said with a smirk, his yellowish-white teeth and green eyes sending shivers down my spine as he drew his knife. âThey're just horrible at their job, you know? You've all gotten so lazy and incompetent after being able to just take what you want without resistance, and now that you've met people who are angry and crazy enough to fight back you act as if we're committing some grave injustice,â he placed the knife against my throat, the flat just underneath my now bent beak, âNo, we just took a few pages out of your book, âcept we've got standards. No kids, for oneâŚâ he seemed to look off into the distance as his sneer deepened, âbut it's more than that, we don't attack the defenseless in general and we still win against you all in fair fights.â
I went to say something else snarky, but he quickly grabbed my thin tongue with his fingers and yanked it out, blood from my mouth pulling to the floor as he held the blade of his knife against it. âNo no, none of that. Say one more thing and I'll cut that rancid little tongue of yours out of your mouth and feed it to you,â he hissed at me, pressing the blade down just hard enough to draw blood. âDo you know what it's like to see a planet turn into a tomb?" he asked me, gritting his teeth, âDo you know what it's like to see everything you've ever known crumble to ash and glass, all the life and the green stripped away leaving nothing but bones? I do. I've seen it happen to countless worlds, and my grandfather always told me stories of how you bastards did it to Earth. He still prays in its direction five times a day, to Mecca, but he knows the Kaaba is gone now, or maybe it's still there, buried in the bones of those who sought refuge there.â
I didn't care for the humanâs nonsensical beliefs, but I did care to correct him. âI've seen it before, and I'll see it again. And so will you, it's inevitable. The Jurisdiction will always have its judgment fulfilled, there is no alternative.â
âOne day, I hope we can rectify that,â he said, then he sheathed his knife and slammed my head against the metal floor with enough force to nearly knock me out. As I lost consciousness, I could hear him speak. âTake him to the Chop Doc, and make sure the cybernetics don't get damaged: they're supposedly more valuable than any bounty on this ship.â
Warning: Severe radiation poisoning detected. Flush system immediately.
Warning: Neural Lace removal detected, chance of neurological damage high. Proceeded with caution.
2024.05.19 01:14 bettuline Eye bag on one eye after lower blepharoplasty
Hello, I had lower bleph three weeks ago. (No fat transfer only scarless eye bags removal.) My left eye, is was more swollen bruised from the day 1 but now it seems more like it is just fat which wasn't removed. When I look at some pictures from some time ago I can see my left eye was more puffy than the right one. My surgein says I should wait at least 4-6 weeks to see the final result but the last week I feel like my eyes are fully healed. Had anyone similar experience? Do you think I can still expect the swelling go away? First pics is three weeks post op and the second before surgery. Thank you.
submitted by bettuline to PlasticSurgery [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 01:13 bettuline Eye bag on one eye after lower blepharoplasty
Hello, I had lower bleph three weeks ago. (No fat transfer only scarless eye bags removal.) My left eye, is was more swollen bruised from the day 1 but now it seems more like it is just fat which wasn't removed. When I look at some pictures from some time ago I can see my left eye was more puffy than the right one. My surgein says I should wait at least 4-6 weeks to see the final result but the last week I feel like my eyes are fully healed. Had anyone similar experience? Do you think I can still expect the swelling go away? First pics is three weeks post op and the second before surgery. Thank you.
submitted by bettuline to PlasticSurgery [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 01:13 ghost_4reak [PS4] H: legacy groll pa sets W: rare outfits or psa heavy combat chest or left arm
![[PS4] H: legacy groll pa sets W: rare outfits or psa heavy combat chest or left arm](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/DH5tQE9PWlKcW4cANA3y0CUiVCSOq1D9xxUBu3e6Luw.jpg "[PS4] H: legacy groll pa sets W: rare outfits or psa heavy combat chest or left arm") | submitted by ghost_4reak to Fallout76Marketplace [link] [comments] |
2024.05.19 01:13 trisquitbits Received official diagnosis on Thursday, coming to terms with it now
 | After an entire life of being dismissed and my concerns invalidated, finally got diagnosed last Thursday. A man (ok, an orthopedist) really did have me twist and bend, and finally grab my rib and jiggle it to entertain the idea that it could be behind a lot of my recent years-long gastrointestinal distress. I was riding the âI was rightâ high until I remembered that being right didnât really do anything about how awful I feel all of the time, and the raging bitterness about how unfair it is. submitted by trisquitbits to ehlersdanlos [link] [comments] I apologize in advance if my wording both in the meme and the post itself are offensive or wrong. Itâs just how I feel. Iâve been telling people in my life for the longest time that I just donât feel WELL and that I was afraid that there was something WRONG with me. And Iâve always been told that everyone feels what I feel, that if I just try HARDER or DO THE THING or just SUCK IT UP, then all will be well. Thereâs so much information out there. But I wanted to see if anyone here has any suggestions on how to manage that emotional crash post-diagnosis. How can I manage the bitterness? Is there hope that if lifestyle changes are indeed made, that I wonât feel quite so wretched all of the time? I have a 3-year-old and it kills me that more often than not Iâm bed bound :/ (For those interested in more of the medical details about what finally prompted the diagnosis: have been experiencing abdominal pain in my left side, upper area all of my life. Before I gave birth in 2021, it only happened like 15-20 minutes before a bowel movement. In 2022 the pain got considerably worse. Underwent a laparoscopy to rule out endometriosis. Then I started losing weight, feeling nauseous all of the time, vomiting occasionally. In March of this year the pain morphed and now bothered me all of the time. Got bloodwork, đŠ analysis, CT scan, MRI, colonoscopy and endoscopy performed. They found 3 polyps which were not a big deal, and mild indicators of gastritis. I wasnât sold on it, but looked into which diets I should follow for it - this caused me a lot of despair because I already eat gluten free and tree nut free. I was getting distressed trying to see if low histamine or low FODMAP or what I could do. In searching for othersâ experience, I eventually read about slipping rib syndrome and I had a feeling it could be playing a role in everything) |
2024.05.19 01:10 IDontKnowTBH1 My chest felt like it was caving in last night
Iâm 25M, 235 lbs, 5â11, I vape and drink alcohol about 3-4 times a week. No current medications but will take ibuprofen 800mg for back pain as needed.
These last few years I would get chest aches but it was never anything crazy. I can tell I get these aches when I am under extreme stress, I am easily irritable and get angry fast.
I went to bed to at about 3am last night, I was gaming until that time and had a 24oz Coors banquet.
Around 7am I woke up to an intense pain and while I was half asleep I know it was extremely painful and felt like my chest was caving into me. I was loud and woke my wife up.
Iâm transitioning out of the military soon and have a lot of personal things going on that cause me stress. I donât know if this is something I should go to the ER for? I had minor aches today but nothing crazy.
submitted by IDontKnowTBH1 to AskDocs [link] [comments]
These last few years I would get chest aches but it was never anything crazy. I can tell I get these aches when I am under extreme stress, I am easily irritable and get angry fast.
I went to bed to at about 3am last night, I was gaming until that time and had a 24oz Coors banquet.
Around 7am I woke up to an intense pain and while I was half asleep I know it was extremely painful and felt like my chest was caving into me. I was loud and woke my wife up.
Iâm transitioning out of the military soon and have a lot of personal things going on that cause me stress. I donât know if this is something I should go to the ER for? I had minor aches today but nothing crazy.
2024.05.19 01:07 BTJ2019 When fragrance-free lotions STING your skin
I'm experiencing a frustrating battle with eczema on the inside of my arms between my forearms and biceps -- ditto for an eczema patch on my chest + the front of my neck. I've been battling this for around 2 weeks.
I've literally been throwing the kitchen sink --- trying various fragrance-free and lotions accepted by the National Eczema Association that usually have worked well for me in the past. And I've tried several different ones (from LaRoche Posay, Cerave, Aveeno, Bioderma, etc.) -- for whatever reason, when I've applied any of them to those areas with eczema -- it STINGS. Seems like a "broken" skin barrier. Also I use fragrance-free soap-free body washes like Honest Soothing Therapy Eczema Body Wash.
The least irritating over-the-counter topical lotions/creams I've been able to apply with minimum (but not zero) irritation are Cerave Itch Relief Moisturzing Cream --- and Triple Paste diaper rash cream (both products approved by the National Eczema Association). But I'm not seeing any improvement even with those 2 creams.
I'm open to hearing suggestions for any over-the-counter lotions + creams that have worked well for you when your usual lotions + creams for eczema have stung your skin. Thanks!
p.s. -- something one of my friends suggested is to NOT put any lotion or cream on the eczema patches -- is that a solution that has worked for any of you?
submitted by BTJ2019 to eczema [link] [comments]
I've literally been throwing the kitchen sink --- trying various fragrance-free and lotions accepted by the National Eczema Association that usually have worked well for me in the past. And I've tried several different ones (from LaRoche Posay, Cerave, Aveeno, Bioderma, etc.) -- for whatever reason, when I've applied any of them to those areas with eczema -- it STINGS. Seems like a "broken" skin barrier. Also I use fragrance-free soap-free body washes like Honest Soothing Therapy Eczema Body Wash.
The least irritating over-the-counter topical lotions/creams I've been able to apply with minimum (but not zero) irritation are Cerave Itch Relief Moisturzing Cream --- and Triple Paste diaper rash cream (both products approved by the National Eczema Association). But I'm not seeing any improvement even with those 2 creams.
I'm open to hearing suggestions for any over-the-counter lotions + creams that have worked well for you when your usual lotions + creams for eczema have stung your skin. Thanks!
p.s. -- something one of my friends suggested is to NOT put any lotion or cream on the eczema patches -- is that a solution that has worked for any of you?
2024.05.19 01:06 hapalol DAE still live with parents/in hometown/failed to launch their lives after college?? Iâm at a total loss and wish I was dead.
Hi ladies, Iâm really hurting and could use some relatable discussion.
Have any of you spent the majority of your 20s/post-college years in a nonstop downward spiral of struggling/failing miserably to succeed in life? (not just with FAW/romance stuff but other major life areas e.g., career, finances, moving out properly, physical/mental health, personal goals/projects, etc).
Iâm turning 30 this year and been reflecting on how much of a categorical failure Iâve become as an adult and how much I let my younger-self down.
College: I didnât grow or become a better, stronger person during this timeâtotal opposite; I was painfully insecure, lonely, miserable, directionless; FAW-ness started to show; mental health issues started to show; hated my program & school; graduated late with a pathetic useless degree; accumulated all that debt and misery for nothing; watched my former friends at other schools have amazing college experience; the whole ordeal left me bitter, devastated and suicidal⌠I felt chewed up & spit out at barely 23
Post-collegeânow: coming to grips with the broken pieces of my life after graduating; nonstop streak of careefinancial/mental health struggles; financially never even came close to being able to move out of parents/hometown; friends all moved on, found success and settled elsewhere, we lost touch; dating/romantic life obviously non-existent (which is honestly the least of my problems).
Something thatâs also been freaking me out lately is how Iâm now at an age where Iâm seeing a whole generation of younger ppl succeeding in life in ways that I failed (neighborhood kids, parents friends kids, etc).
I wouldnât mind getting older if I actually had solid accomplishments to be proud of/if I hadnât become such a categorical failure in life. This also makes me HATE my birthday because each passing year is just a reminder of how much of a failure I am and how painfully miserable my entire college years & 20s were.
submitted by hapalol to ForeverAloneWomen [link] [comments]
Have any of you spent the majority of your 20s/post-college years in a nonstop downward spiral of struggling/failing miserably to succeed in life? (not just with FAW/romance stuff but other major life areas e.g., career, finances, moving out properly, physical/mental health, personal goals/projects, etc).
Iâm turning 30 this year and been reflecting on how much of a categorical failure Iâve become as an adult and how much I let my younger-self down.
College: I didnât grow or become a better, stronger person during this timeâtotal opposite; I was painfully insecure, lonely, miserable, directionless; FAW-ness started to show; mental health issues started to show; hated my program & school; graduated late with a pathetic useless degree; accumulated all that debt and misery for nothing; watched my former friends at other schools have amazing college experience; the whole ordeal left me bitter, devastated and suicidal⌠I felt chewed up & spit out at barely 23
Post-collegeânow: coming to grips with the broken pieces of my life after graduating; nonstop streak of careefinancial/mental health struggles; financially never even came close to being able to move out of parents/hometown; friends all moved on, found success and settled elsewhere, we lost touch; dating/romantic life obviously non-existent (which is honestly the least of my problems).
Something thatâs also been freaking me out lately is how Iâm now at an age where Iâm seeing a whole generation of younger ppl succeeding in life in ways that I failed (neighborhood kids, parents friends kids, etc).
I wouldnât mind getting older if I actually had solid accomplishments to be proud of/if I hadnât become such a categorical failure in life. This also makes me HATE my birthday because each passing year is just a reminder of how much of a failure I am and how painfully miserable my entire college years & 20s were.
2024.05.19 01:04 Careless_Reaction794 AITA for staying?
I (30F) and my boyfriend (30M) have been together for 5 years. When we were 1 year into dating, his childhood cancer returned at stage 4. We were absolutely devastated. This rare form of cancer is treatable but likely never curable, and at that time there was no treatment working. We were convinced he was not going to make it much more than a year or 2. We stayed together through it all, and that 2nd year we did find a clinical, experimental trial. Fast-forward 3 years and that trial has been working this entire time! The cancer has not changed at all- no growth, no improvement, but he does not and has never had any physical symptoms from the cancer or the treatment. His physical quality of life is ideal, he feels good and is extremely fit, but psychologically the impact has always been extremely tough on him.
The year we were together before the cancer, we had lots of friends and were very happy and sexual. Now, sex has decreased significantly, I have to push for a physical relationship and to include him in my large social life or to encourage him to expand his friendships outside of school/work, and I can see how much pain he is in emotionally knowing the future will likely always be uncertain. To clarify, he is stable on an experimental medication and there is no way to know if and when treatment will stop working.
We moved to a new city together this year, and I am trying really hard to get back the life we had. I have been unhappy in the relationship because he is less sexual, affectionate, social, and generally outwardly unhappy. I love him more than anything and would build a future with him if we had the sex life and social life I need, I have come to terms with what the cancer means for that, but I can no longer stand what we have lost in the relationship. this is where I am afraid that I'm TAH. I came to him (not out-of-the-blue, many smaller conversations built up to this) saying that I cannot continue the relationship without extreme improvements.
Our conversation made it clear to him that I understand his trauma response and that this is not his fault, and that I understand how difficult it is to fix everything I am asking for when it is coming from a place of trauma, but that I simply do not know what to do because I cannot be in a relationship like this at such a young age. I am afraid that I am being TAH by putting him in a tough position where I don't know that it is possible for him to be "fully himself" during this chapter of his cancer. While it is true that I want nothing more than to fix things and be with him, I fear that it would be best for him if I simply left with no conditions for him to meet rather than forcing him to try to keep me when that may be more responsibility than he can take on right now.
He adamantly does not want to break up, and I do not either but am more afraid of continuing to feel like his roommate than I am of breaking up. I proposed the idea of separate apartments but dating, or taking a break from dating so he can focus on himself (this is not an effort on my part to see other people, that is not a thought right now). He does not want to separate in any way and is sure that he can fix things, but this is a cycle that has been going on for years. I have encouraged him to seek therapy and to ride his motorcycle more which makes him really happy, but it has not been long enough into those weekly rides to see if there is improvement for us. So AITA for posing conditions for me to stay, rather than accepting that my choices are to (1) suck it up and support him without posing ultimatums or (2) leaving more swiftly so that he does not feel responsibilities that may be too much right now?
Info:
The specific changes I asked for were more physical initiation from him, more affection and positive words, more social events together and a conscious effort to search for harmony whether that be therapy or something else like motorcycle rides. It was also framed to him as wanting what we had before the cancer took over our lives, and he gets what that means in the broader sense. It's an acceptance of life that we both let go of in different ways, I am not the one with cancer but I also let go of the world for years from the fear of losing him.
He is in agreement that all symptoms in our relationship are direct results of trauma and grief from the cancer diagnosis and the emotional rollercoaster of treatment. He acknowledges that the changed relationship I describe to him is for the most part true.
Cancer is relevant because it is the reason for his psychological change, but it is not a reason for me to leave. I have had years to come to terms with it and am willing to go the long-run with him if cancer itself were the only issue and we were both otherwise very happy. He is the strongest person I have ever known, and I have extreme faith that he will beat this and live a healthy life. If we were both happy with our relationship, I would be thrilled to marry him and adopt babies together even with the risks.
submitted by Careless_Reaction794 to AITAH [link] [comments]
The year we were together before the cancer, we had lots of friends and were very happy and sexual. Now, sex has decreased significantly, I have to push for a physical relationship and to include him in my large social life or to encourage him to expand his friendships outside of school/work, and I can see how much pain he is in emotionally knowing the future will likely always be uncertain. To clarify, he is stable on an experimental medication and there is no way to know if and when treatment will stop working.
We moved to a new city together this year, and I am trying really hard to get back the life we had. I have been unhappy in the relationship because he is less sexual, affectionate, social, and generally outwardly unhappy. I love him more than anything and would build a future with him if we had the sex life and social life I need, I have come to terms with what the cancer means for that, but I can no longer stand what we have lost in the relationship. this is where I am afraid that I'm TAH. I came to him (not out-of-the-blue, many smaller conversations built up to this) saying that I cannot continue the relationship without extreme improvements.
Our conversation made it clear to him that I understand his trauma response and that this is not his fault, and that I understand how difficult it is to fix everything I am asking for when it is coming from a place of trauma, but that I simply do not know what to do because I cannot be in a relationship like this at such a young age. I am afraid that I am being TAH by putting him in a tough position where I don't know that it is possible for him to be "fully himself" during this chapter of his cancer. While it is true that I want nothing more than to fix things and be with him, I fear that it would be best for him if I simply left with no conditions for him to meet rather than forcing him to try to keep me when that may be more responsibility than he can take on right now.
He adamantly does not want to break up, and I do not either but am more afraid of continuing to feel like his roommate than I am of breaking up. I proposed the idea of separate apartments but dating, or taking a break from dating so he can focus on himself (this is not an effort on my part to see other people, that is not a thought right now). He does not want to separate in any way and is sure that he can fix things, but this is a cycle that has been going on for years. I have encouraged him to seek therapy and to ride his motorcycle more which makes him really happy, but it has not been long enough into those weekly rides to see if there is improvement for us. So AITA for posing conditions for me to stay, rather than accepting that my choices are to (1) suck it up and support him without posing ultimatums or (2) leaving more swiftly so that he does not feel responsibilities that may be too much right now?
Info:
The specific changes I asked for were more physical initiation from him, more affection and positive words, more social events together and a conscious effort to search for harmony whether that be therapy or something else like motorcycle rides. It was also framed to him as wanting what we had before the cancer took over our lives, and he gets what that means in the broader sense. It's an acceptance of life that we both let go of in different ways, I am not the one with cancer but I also let go of the world for years from the fear of losing him.
He is in agreement that all symptoms in our relationship are direct results of trauma and grief from the cancer diagnosis and the emotional rollercoaster of treatment. He acknowledges that the changed relationship I describe to him is for the most part true.
Cancer is relevant because it is the reason for his psychological change, but it is not a reason for me to leave. I have had years to come to terms with it and am willing to go the long-run with him if cancer itself were the only issue and we were both otherwise very happy. He is the strongest person I have ever known, and I have extreme faith that he will beat this and live a healthy life. If we were both happy with our relationship, I would be thrilled to marry him and adopt babies together even with the risks.
2024.05.19 01:04 Chopernio Ser Malwyn Blackwood - Lord Commander of the Kingsguard Edwyn Blackwood - Lord of Raventree Hall
PC
Reddit Account: chorongaDiscord Tag: Choner
Name and House: Malwyn Blackwood
Age: 53
Cultural Group: Riverlander (claims First Men heritage)
Appearance: Average in height, perhaps slightly taller than the next man. His build is that of a man who has fought his entire life, toned yet lean. His face sports the marks of battle, a few scars cross it, and his many wrinkles are a clear show of his advanced age, even though he definitely does not look as old as he is. His auburn hair somehow as kept its color, yet his hairline has receded considerably. His eyes are those of a tired man, yet they hold a glint still.
Trait: Strong
Skill(s): THS(e), First Man Warrior (e), Reckless
Talent(s): Complaining, Drinking in moderation, Dice games
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, The Bloodwood, Ser
Starting Location: Opening Event
Biography:
Malwyn was born the second child to Lord Morgan Blackwood and Lady Jeyne Blackwood nee Frey in the year 29 before Aegon's conquest.
His early years were peaceful. He had proven to be able with the blade from a young age, and while his brother Desmond received the education worthy of an heir, Malwyn practice relentlessly, almost obsessively.
The two brothers got along fine, but their relationship strained as Desmond began to feel undermined by his brother, as he wished to excel in everything, and Malwyn's swordfighting was clearly superior to Desmond's. The heir had been pampered and now, he couldn't find himself happy with all the attention he had received, he wished for martial recognition as well.
It would never come.
Desmond was not a bad swordsman, just not a good one. He had a cunning mind for strategy, sharp at numbers, a good memory, as by only one-and-ten he could remember almost all of the Houses' banners, holdings and words from the Kingdom of the Isles and Rivers. However, his blade handling was never even close to his brothers' and the constant attempts were met with failure, which only further enraged the Lord.
A daughter was born to Lord and Lady Blackwood when Malwyn was seven years of age. Cynthea, they called her.
Desmond inherited early. Lord Morgan perished at the hands of Lord Lothar Bracken in the eleventh year before the conquest. The twenty year old Lord Desmond quickly married, having his first son, Brynden, just a year after.
After Brynden followed two more, daughter and son, Jeyne and Addam, then another one, Alys, in the year 1BC and two more after the Conquest, Edwyn and Theomar.
All these years, Malwyn had yet not married, two years younger than his brother. He had been betrothed, but a knight of House Hoare defiled Malwyn's soon to be wife, murdered the girl's brother and the woman took her own life before the bastard of the Hoare monster was born. This left in Malwyn a sense of pure hatred for his Ironborn overlords.
Then, the dragons came.
While many saw this as a threat, Malwyn saw any who could bring the Hoares to a kneel as friends, and when they eventually not only defeated them, but decimated their rotten House, Malwyn jumped to the chance to pledge his sword to Aegon the Conqueror.
He was made a member of the Kingsguard soon after he joined the side of their invaders, which was seen by his family as betrayal. Malwyn saw those who followed the Tullys' call for independence as nothing but fools. A man had come and released them from their Ironborn overlords, and the Riverlords paid that man with bloody rebellion.
Malwyn grew close to the new Targaryen King, due to him being his stationed kingsguard most of the time. The Knight managed to save Aegon from the goldcloaks once, but not twice, and after his death he became Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, as the attack on King Aegon had caused death of Corlys Velaryon.
It is Malwyn, with the help of Willem Ryger, that reveals the Tullys as culprits to Visenya Targaryen, leading to the destruction of the trouts. There were more conspirers, but the Bloodwood remained silent.
The following years were calm. The rest of the Blackwoods had made it clear that they wished for nothing more than the death of Malwyn, for he was a craven, a traitor and a kneeler. Malwyn didn't care, he still held love for his brother, even if it had never been mutual.
Around these years, a young boy of House Mallister became Malwyn's squire, getting knighted by the Lord Commander in the year 11AC.
In the year five-and-ten after the conquest, during a a hunt to celebrate the 18th nameday of Orys Baratheon's heir, bandits attack. It is a surprisingly well organized force and manages to take hostage many of important figures. Malwyn leads the defense, and is forced to take difficult choices. His hands are stained in blood in the end, innocents dead because the Lord Commander chose not to save them in order to save others. The King of the Woods died in the hands of Roland Arryn, and Malwyn fought alongside him.
A year after, Addam Blackwood died, killed in a border skirmish with House Bracken.
Two years later, a foolish Bracken decided that claiming that a Blackwood hill was theirs by right was a great idea. The boy, not older than eight-and-ten, brought a letter for the Hand of the King, and he was met with Malwyn, who laughed at the boy and insulted him plenty. The boy called for a duel, and Malwyn slaughtered him.
This incensed the two ancient enemies' feud. House Blackwood joined with the Mallisters of Seagard and the North. House Bracken had the Riverlords at their side. The two armies met at the Red Fork, and the two Lords dueled. Lord Bracken's leg was maimed by Lord Desmond Blackwood, but Lord Blackwood received a wound on his chest that never healed, and would eventually kill him in the year 24 AC.
Two years after the battle that never was, Cerion Blackwood, Desmond's heir, died from a hunting accident. Suspicious circumstances.
The war was halted by the Belaerys dragon of Aegon's Rest.
Malwyn wouldn't go home until a moon before Desmond's death, being called by Edwyn Blackwood, the Heir to Raventree Hall. There the two spoke, and Malwyn left without saying anything a night after he arrived.
Now, he's back at King's Landing, and someone has pissed on his tent.
Timeline:
- 31BC: Desmond Blackwood is born to Lord and Lady Blackwood
- 29BC: Malwyn Blackwood is born to Lord and Lady Blackwood
- 25BC:
- 22BC: Cynthea Blackwood is born to Lord and Lady Blackwood
- 11BC: Lord Morgan Blackwood dies at the hand of a member of House Bracken, Desmond Blackwood becomes Lord of Raventree Hall.
- 10BC: Cerion Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood
- 7BC: Jeyne Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood
- 6BC: Addam Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood
- 5BC: Malwyn's betrothed is assaulted by a Hoare, the woman's brother killed. The girl takes her own life after the event. Malwyn is left distraught
- 1BC: Alys Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood
- The Conquest:
- Malwyn pledges his sword to Aegon the Conqueror after the burning of Harrenhal
- House Blackwood remains neutral, but is close with House Tully during their call to independence.
- 1AC: Edwyn Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood. Malwyn Blackwood becomes a Kingsguard
- 4AC: Theomar Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood. Malwyn Blackwood manages to fend off an assassination attempt on the life of King Aegon I.
- 6AC: Tristan Mallister becomes Malwyn's squire.
- 7AC: Another attempt, this one successful. Aegon Targaryen, first of his name, is killed. Malwyn becomes Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. He helps in revealing the Tullys as culprits, and is shunned for it.
- 15AC: The Kingswood Catastrophe happens. Malwyn does his best but gains the hatred of many who believe him guilty for the death of their loved ones.
- 16AC: Addam Blackwood is killed by a bracken in an ambush
- 18AC: The Riverwar. Lord Desmond Blackwood is gravely injured. He manages to survive but never properly heals, constantly fighting infection.
- 20AC: Cerion Blackwood dies in a hunting accident. Edwyn becomes Lord Regent, as his father's condition only worsens.
- 24AC: Malwyn Blackwood goes to Raventree Hall, as his nephew calls for him due to Lord Desmond's ever worsening condition. He leaves the night after.
- 25AC: Present. Someone has pissed on me tent
AC
Reddit Account: chorongaDiscord Tag: Choner
Name and House: Edwyn Blackwood
Age: 23
Cultural Group: Riverlander (claims First Men heritage) Appearance: Of average height, slender, with a face often described as "maidenly" by those who seek to mock the Lord of Raventree Hall. His voice is surprisingly deep, with a whispery cadence. His face is lacking a beard, not because he has not attempted to get it to grow. He has jet black hair, as befits a Blackwood.
Trait: Ruthless
Skill(s): Ranger, Schemer, Devious
Talent(s): Poetry, Archery, Gambling
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Lord of Raventree Hall, Wielder of the Weirwood Bow, The Raven
Starting Location: Opening Event
NPCs
- Davos Blackwood: (Master-at-Arms) The captain of Raventree Hall's guard
- Cynthea Blackwood: (Magnate)
2024.05.19 01:03 YTD_40oz Why thereâs no suicide helpline in Algeria đŠđż
Hi im joe and im wondering why algeria government does not have any suicide helpline my friend from algeria committed suicide last 2weeks he was very sick and depressed i told him last year to visit an therapist and he did but nothing changed I tried to help him i was worried about him last to week i was too busy with work he called me but I didnât respond after I checked my phone I found a voicemail from him he told me to care about myself and to keep grinding so i can achieve my dreams he said he took enough and thereâs nothing to do about him he started crying and he said i feel a big hole inside my chest and i feel like im brainless and he cant hold that pain In the end he said â joe⌠I know ur suffering too and ur struggling with ur depression and suicidal thoughts he said pls joe stay strong for me donât be weak like i am now Goodbye joe ur the thing that happened in my life i love you my brother â I tried to call him after this voicemail cuz i was worried but he didnât respond the few hours later heâs friend texted me and he told me everything I started to cry out of my hell i started yelling ur a selfish mohamed ur a fucking selfish u left forever Ngl that day i took every single drugs to stop the pain and the tears I couldnât sleep for a week every sec I spend it thinking about him and to end my life too i felt soo good around him ill miss him forever he was such a great person Ngl i loved him like brother he was my family Idk when its my turn sooner or later cus i donât feel myself living longer If i just respond could he be here with me today? If just theres an suicide helpline in algeria it could be ? Im tired guys ngl i want to end it now but im weak
submitted by YTD_40oz to u/YTD_40oz [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 01:03 lxe 35M - lower back pain for 18 years - herniated disc(s). Thinking of my options.
I feel like I've always had lower back pain on and off ever since I experienced (what I thought was) a pulled muscle when I was around 17 while rowing. I'm 35 now, and the pain this year has been so bad at times that it would wake me up, and spread to my left buttock and leg.
I had to stop my running routine. I decided to get it checked. Turns out I have DDD and bulges/herniation at L5-S1 and L4-L5 which is tugging on a few of my nerves. The spine DR pointed out that due to bone growth on top of one of the bulges it seems that I've already experienced herniation in the past... I'm guessing 18 years ago.
I'm currently on daily Ibuprofen and doing regular PT stretches, foam rolling, and exercises. The pain is bothering me, is on and off, but I'm trying to see if PT helps. I have a toddler and another one on the way, so reducing lifting or prolonged rest is not really an option.
I have more X-rays and surgical consult scheduled, and I'm also considering steroid injections. I've been reading stories about microdiscectomy and ADR here, and I'm trying to judge if this is something for me to undertake.
Anyone experienced something similar? Any stories about the pain going away through PT and exercise alone? I don't want it to get worse and I would like to "fix" it (yes, I know it might not be that simple, but I want to find the best option for me).
Attaching a bunch of MRI and DR results.
https://preview.redd.it/9oeld5p7n91d1.png?width=1292&format=png&auto=webp&s=8a8bf68e5a4cd384a7dbf0e033b87a1a23c70295
https://preview.redd.it/lsj4n4p7n91d1.png?width=3096&format=png&auto=webp&s=36a220d0d856bd83af0b72ac299acc13847daec4
https://preview.redd.it/8xp035p7n91d1.png?width=3028&format=png&auto=webp&s=524bed01c0a00612ca1e0a4fb296ea920f30a177
submitted by lxe to Sciatica [link] [comments]
I had to stop my running routine. I decided to get it checked. Turns out I have DDD and bulges/herniation at L5-S1 and L4-L5 which is tugging on a few of my nerves. The spine DR pointed out that due to bone growth on top of one of the bulges it seems that I've already experienced herniation in the past... I'm guessing 18 years ago.
I'm currently on daily Ibuprofen and doing regular PT stretches, foam rolling, and exercises. The pain is bothering me, is on and off, but I'm trying to see if PT helps. I have a toddler and another one on the way, so reducing lifting or prolonged rest is not really an option.
I have more X-rays and surgical consult scheduled, and I'm also considering steroid injections. I've been reading stories about microdiscectomy and ADR here, and I'm trying to judge if this is something for me to undertake.
Anyone experienced something similar? Any stories about the pain going away through PT and exercise alone? I don't want it to get worse and I would like to "fix" it (yes, I know it might not be that simple, but I want to find the best option for me).
Attaching a bunch of MRI and DR results.
https://preview.redd.it/9oeld5p7n91d1.png?width=1292&format=png&auto=webp&s=8a8bf68e5a4cd384a7dbf0e033b87a1a23c70295
https://preview.redd.it/lsj4n4p7n91d1.png?width=3096&format=png&auto=webp&s=36a220d0d856bd83af0b72ac299acc13847daec4
https://preview.redd.it/8xp035p7n91d1.png?width=3028&format=png&auto=webp&s=524bed01c0a00612ca1e0a4fb296ea920f30a177
Narrative MRI LUMBAR SPINE WITHOUT CONTRAST ** HISTORY **: 35 years old, worsening chronic low back pain. ** TECHNIQUE **: MR images of the lumbar spine acquired without intravenous contrast. COMPARISON: None available. ** FINDINGS **: NUMBERING: Last fully formed disc space is designated L5-S1. SPINAL CORD: Normal conus. Conus terminates at the L1 level. DISCS: Multilevel disc dessication at L4-L5 and L5-S1. BONES: Normal vertebral alignment. Normal vertebral body height. Marrow signal is normal. SOFT TISSUES: Normal. T12-L1: No canal or foraminal stenosis. L1-L2: No canal or foraminal stenosis. L2-L3: No canal or foraminal stenosis. L3-L4: No canal or foraminal stenosis. Mild facet arthropathy bilaterally. L4-L5: Left asymmetric lateral disc bulge causing mild left neural foramen stenosis. Mild facet arthropathy bilaterally. L5-S1: Left asymmetric disc protrusion effacing the left lateral recess and compressing on the left S1 nerve root. No significant central canal stenosis or neural foramen stenosis. Mild facet arthropathy bilaterally. OTHER: None.
2024.05.19 01:01 Dumb_Apologist Pain/pressure in left cheekbone
About a month ago, I experienced pain/pressure in my left cheekbone. It isnât extreme and can be ignored. I experienced it for about a week then it disappeared. It came back about three days ago. What should I do? Im only here because the symptoms seem to match with TMJ symptoms a bit. Thanks!
submitted by Dumb_Apologist to TMJ [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 01:00 le_printemps_arrive Things will never be the same after sleeping with my good friend
This is not new and I know a lot of people have been there, but I really need to get this off my chest. I have this good male friend for almost two years now. There was some tension last year around this time when we spent a lot of time watching movies at his place. But nothing ever happened. Even though I do find him physically very attractive, I never wanted to do anything with him because I know we are just so different and incompatible in terms of relationships. However, last night he came over and we were watching TV. We started drinking and I got really emotional about Palestine and Gaza. All lights off, we got a bit closer. Eventually we kissed and he ate me out. We didnât have sex. He left maybe 4 or 5am. We were definitely both too fucking drunk so this happened.
Iâve been feeling really shitty the whole day because to me, we crossed the line and I canât look at him as a platonic friend any more. I donât want to date him. I donât think he wants to date me either. Itâs just weird and awkward now thinking that heâs seen me naked and heard me moan and itâs just so embarrassing to me. Idk where this friendship could be going and Iâm really sad. This is the only platonic friendship with a straight man and the platonic part just ended. Iâm just upset and feel weird and donât know what to do. I hate myself drinking last night. At the same time, I have to say, I did enjoy the kiss. Cry. Itâs just so unexpected. I was with a common friend today and heard he call this friend and ask him out. I feel sad too cuz he didnât call me, even though normally we three go out together. I regret about last night so much. Us will never be the same.
submitted by le_printemps_arrive to offmychest [link] [comments]
Iâve been feeling really shitty the whole day because to me, we crossed the line and I canât look at him as a platonic friend any more. I donât want to date him. I donât think he wants to date me either. Itâs just weird and awkward now thinking that heâs seen me naked and heard me moan and itâs just so embarrassing to me. Idk where this friendship could be going and Iâm really sad. This is the only platonic friendship with a straight man and the platonic part just ended. Iâm just upset and feel weird and donât know what to do. I hate myself drinking last night. At the same time, I have to say, I did enjoy the kiss. Cry. Itâs just so unexpected. I was with a common friend today and heard he call this friend and ask him out. I feel sad too cuz he didnât call me, even though normally we three go out together. I regret about last night so much. Us will never be the same.
2024.05.19 01:00 lxe 35M - lower back pain for 18 years - herniated disc(s). Thinking of my options
 | I feel like I've always had lower back pain on and off ever since I experienced (what I thought was) a pulled muscle when I was around 17 while rowing. I'm 35 now, and the pain this year has been so bad at times that it would wake me up, and spread to my left buttock and leg. submitted by lxe to backpain [link] [comments] I had to stop my running routine. I decided to get it checked. Turns out I have DDD and bulges/herniation at L5-S1 and L4-L5 which is tugging on a few of my nerves. The spine DR pointed out that due to bone growth on top of one of the bulges it seems that I've already experienced herniation in the past... I'm guessing 18 years ago. I'm currently on daily Ibuprofen and doing regular PT stretches, foam rolling, and exercises. The pain is bothering me, is on and off, but I'm trying to see if PT helps. I have a toddler and another one on the way, so reducing lifting or prolonged rest is not really an option. I have more X-rays and surgical consult scheduled, and I'm also considering steroid injections. I've been reading stories about microdiscectomy and ADR here, and I'm trying to judge if this is something for me to undertake. Anyone experienced something similar? Any stories about the pain going away through PT and exercise alone? I don't want it to get worse and I would like to "fix" it (yes, I know it might not be that simple, but I want to find the best option for me). Attaching a bunch of MRI and DR results. https://preview.redd.it/91i6lx3km91d1.png?width=1292&format=png&auto=webp&s=1482d166263dca2848f282f4e28968a17eee710d https://preview.redd.it/lw73dy3km91d1.png?width=3096&format=png&auto=webp&s=d33eeb369f6b88782afc7e2738a834971d18a065 https://preview.redd.it/2c7rtx3km91d1.png?width=3028&format=png&auto=webp&s=1142e6b6be69de40bbb02ce4e6c88560ca866a1e Narrative MRI LUMBAR SPINE WITHOUT CONTRAST ** HISTORY **: 35 years old, worsening chronic low back pain. ** TECHNIQUE **: MR images of the lumbar spine acquired without intravenous contrast. COMPARISON: None available. ** FINDINGS **: NUMBERING: Last fully formed disc space is designated L5-S1. SPINAL CORD: Normal conus. Conus terminates at the L1 level. DISCS: Multilevel disc dessication at L4-L5 and L5-S1. BONES: Normal vertebral alignment. Normal vertebral body height. Marrow signal is normal. SOFT TISSUES: Normal. T12-L1: No canal or foraminal stenosis. L1-L2: No canal or foraminal stenosis. L2-L3: No canal or foraminal stenosis. L3-L4: No canal or foraminal stenosis. Mild facet arthropathy bilaterally. L4-L5: Left asymmetric lateral disc bulge causing mild left neural foramen stenosis. Mild facet arthropathy bilaterally. L5-S1: Left asymmetric disc protrusion effacing the left lateral recess and compressing on the left S1 nerve root. No significant central canal stenosis or neural foramen stenosis. Mild facet arthropathy bilaterally. OTHER: None. |
2024.05.19 00:59 GoAheadMMDay UPDATE 3: Torment Techniques Used by Canadian and US Militaries
 | Update #3 appears at the bottom. submitted by GoAheadMMDay to Liberty [link] [comments] Due to numerous disparaging comments by multiple individuals, I have reposted my article. Heckling does not change what occurred. People need to know these truths, especially those who have experienced the same. They need to know they are sane, that such things are indeed being perpetrated, and the perpetrators use shame to silence them and protect their activities. I write to encourage them not to listen to disparaging people who speak without knowledge. February 10, 2024 I am Joseph Cafariello, a Canadian citizen and ex-member of the Canadian military. Of sound mind, not on medication, not a drug user, not a marijuana smoker, not an alcohol drinker, with no mental disorders. I recently posted to this Liberty subreddit experiences of harassment by the Vancouver police and fire departments (Vancouver, BC, Canada). Iâm the fellow who was repeatedly ordered by police to stay out of Vancouverâs Stanley Park, and was continually harassed whenever I visited the park (which I do every second day on my early morning walks). I'm happy to say their following me reduced to almost nothing immediately upon posting those experiences here, and people no longer exit their cars to stand on the path as I walk by (which I described in that post). They were either informed of my post or found it themselves, seeing as my internet activity, and phone activity for that matter, are under continuous surveillance (plenty of proof which I will not include here to avoid running off-topic). In this post, I would like to shed some light on other harassment which is still ongoing, since it occurs in private, away from potential observers. It involves the Canadian and US militaries. Havana Syndrome In 2016, numerous employees of the Canadian and US embassies in Havana, Cuba, started experiencing head injuries ranging from mild headaches to concussions. It happened in their sleep, and came to be called Havana Syndrome. Wikipedia explains (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Havana\_syndrome): âHavana syndrome is a cluster of idiopathic symptoms experienced mostly abroad by U.S. government officials and military personnel. The symptoms range in severity from pain and ringing in the ears to cognitive dysfunction and were first reported in 2016 by U.S. and Canadian embassy staff in Havana, Cuba. Beginning in 2017, more people, including U.S. intelligence and military personnel and their families, reported having these symptoms in other places, such as China, India, Europe, and Washington, D.C. The U.S. Department of State, Department of Defense, and other federal entities have called the events "Anomalous Health Incidents" (AHI). Of over a thousand purported cases, the majority of US investigative bodies found only a few dozen cases to be suspicious.â Ladies and gentlemen, I can tell you exactly what happens, because I have been experiencing this since I first joined the Canadian military back in 2002, and am still experiencing these âtormentsâ (as I call them) to this day, already 3 years after leaving the military. I go to bed. In about 15 minutes, just as I am on the cusp of falling asleep, a hear and feel a heavy thud reverberate and ultimately strike my skull. My body releases a sharp burst of adrenalin, my heart starts racing, and my bloodâs circulation speeds up significantly. Depending on the severity of the blow, it can take me anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to fall asleep again. Though there have been times I could not return to sleep for more than 2 hours. A strong headache is felt immediately, and lasts for hours. There have been times when my heart felt like it was going to burst, having been startled as such. The pulse to the head sometimes reverberates through the wall and my bedâs headboard. I distinctly feel as though I have been hit on the top of my skull. At other times, it feels as though the pulse has come through the air, striking the side of my skull. This is not a sleep disorder, for it does not occur regularly. At times, my sleep is disturbed in this manner 3 or 4 days in a row. At other times, there is no disturbance for up to a week. But they never let me go more than a week without such interruptions to my sleep. Neither is it sleep apnea, as I do not awaken gasping for breath. The pounding headaches, sudden release of adrenaline, and heart palpitations I experience are caused by external impacts of sound waves or air bursts. Sonic Weapons How these pulses are produced is not easy to identify. As Wikipedia explains: âOnce the story became public, various U.S. government representatives attributed the incidents to attacks by unidentified foreign actors, and various U.S. officials blamed the reported symptoms on a variety of unidentified and unknown technologies, including ultrasound and microwave weapons.â Sonic weapons have been in use for many years by militaries, and by police in crowd control. As Wikipedia explains (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonic\_weapon): âSome sonic weapons make a focused beam of sound or of ultrasound; others produce an area field of sound. As of 2023 military and police forces make some limited use of sonic weapons.â (Do not believe the 2023 timeline. The Canadian military has been using these weapons since the early 2000âs at the latest.) Wikipedia continues: âExtremely high-power sound waves can disrupt or destroy the eardrums of a target and cause severe pain or disorientation. This is usually sufficient to incapacitate a person. Less powerful sound waves can cause humans to experience nausea or discomfort.â The users of these technologies must also be using thermal detection equipment to monitor the targetâs sleep. As I mentioned, I most often feel these blows the moment I am falling asleep. Body temperature drops when we sleep, and brain activity slows. Heat-detection equipment is likely being used to identify the point at which the target is falling asleep. Why they prefer to strike at the start of someoneâs sleep as opposed to the middle of their sleep, I do not know. Perhaps their intent is to deprive the body of early sleep, limiting the amount of deep sleep available to the person before their alarm rings in the morning. Ordinary Hammers Not all such âtormentsâ (as I call them) are caused by high-tech equipment. I have heard and felt distinct hammer strikes running along the 2x4 beams inside my walls. These strikes can be a single hard strike, or several strikes in a row. It is definitely caused by a person with a hammer because the intervals between strikes are equidistant in time; that is, the time spacing between strikes is not random and does not change from strike to strike, but is constant between strikes, exactly as when someone is hammering. And no, it is not someone hanging pictures at 1:30 am, multiple times a week, for years. On one occasion, when I was standing at my kitchen sink, I felt the floor-board directly under my feet pulse so sharply it felt like a brick had struck the soles of my feet. In this case, my military neighbour likely used a hammer to strike the floorboard on his side of the wall. It is the only plausible explanation. Surveillance This leads to surveillance of oneâs activities at home. I have plenty of proofs of that. They seem insignificant on an individual basis. But when you put them all together, they present a clear picture of home surveillance. My laptop computerâs lid cracked one night, at the bottom left corner of the screen. The next day at work, I heard my military supervisor relate to another co-worker that the night before, his laptop computerâs lid cracked at the bottom left corner. I swear to the Lord in Heaven, I am being truthful. I tested my suspicion of being surveilled. At home one night, I blurted out-loud, âVW Passat. What an ugly sounding word, âPassatââ, I said. A few days later, my military colleagues at work started playing a card game at lunch, invented by one of them. The name he gave his game was âPassatâ, and when he spoke it, he looked at me for a reaction. If you ever contact the Halifax military base, ask for the Claims Department and ask them if they are still playing Passat. On another occasion, at a time when I frequented the gym every second day for a few years, I suspected my van had been fitted with a listening device. I suspected so because a number of things I had spoken with people about on my phone while in my van (nothing illegal) were repeated by people at the gym in conversations among themselves. Too many times, parts of other people's conversations matched parts of conversations I had had with others while I was in my van. I already knew my phone was being tapped, but I also suspected my van was bugged. So one evening while driving in my van, I blurted out-loud a number of things I said I hated. "I hate (this or that)"; "I hate it when...". One of them was, "I hate when people chew gum with their mouths open." I then vocalized an exaggerated gnawing sound, "Gnaw. Gnaw. Gnaw." The very next time I went to the gym, 2 days later, while I was at an exercise, a fellow sat at an exercise directly behind me. And sure enough, he started chewing with his mouth open, vocalizing that gnawing sound, "Gnaw. Gnaw. Gnaw." I didn't look behind at him, because I knew what was going on, and I wanted to avoid playing into his hand. So he repeated himself again and again until I was done and moved to a different station. Now, honestly, who chews gum at the gym? You can't. Or you run the risk of choking for the heavy breathing, not to mention when laying down on benches. And with precisely the same exaggerated vocalized gnawing sound I had made in my van just 2 days prior. Their whole intent is to let you know you are being surveilled. They want you to know, as both a warning and a provocation. They want you to say something, to launch accusations, which they would readily deny, making you look paranoid. If you react too strongly, they could even have you diagnosed with some kind of disorder, and put you on medication, which further plays into their hand. (More regarding medications in the last section of this post.) This is why, as I mentioned in my previous post, they would park their cars shining their high beams on me as I walked past them during my morning walk. And why on some occasions, a group of 3 or 4 would exit their cars and stand on my path just as I approached, forcing me to go around them. They would then remain standing on the path until my return trip through, and after I had passed by the second time, then would then return to their cars - making it absolutely clear I was their interest. Their intent is not only to make me aware, but also to present themselves in close proximity to me, within easy reach, in the hope I would confront them, resulting in an altercation that could land me in a lot of hot water - 4 witnesses against me, all pleading innocence. Again, it is all designed to make you look bad, and to warrant some kind of legal measure against you - preferably a medical diagnosis, discrediting you in everything you say about them. If they can't refute your claims, their only remaining option is to discredit you. That's what all of these tricks are designed to accomplish. Who would believe anything you say, once you have been diagnosed with a disorder? There are plenty more examples. But who would really believe them? Iâll save them for the future. Home Invasion Both during and after my military service, I have had my apartments entered without any signs of break-ins. How? Lock-picking and duplicate keys. Indications? Missing objects; ie: money, phone adaptor, etc. Nothing major. Just something to make us understand we are being watched, and to make us understand what they can do. But it is always something small, something for which you would be ridiculed for divulging. Two more examples: I found my razor, which I always lay-down razor-end to the wall, turned around, razor-end toward me. Also, in one of my house slippers I found a small shoe sticker on the up-side of the heel. I had those slipper for years, and never had any shoe stickers on them. Yet there it was, clearly visible on the top surface of my slipper, not the bottom. Could I have stepped on a shoe sticker when barefoot in my apartment, only to have the sticker transfer itself to my slipper when I wore it? How many shoe stickers do you have laying around your apartment that you can accidentally step onto? If I had stepped onto a sticker in my apartment and had it stick to my heel, that means the sticky side was up against my skin. This means the sticker would have had to flip upside down such that the sticky side would then be down, allowing the sticker to stick to the slipper. Do you really think that happened? That sticker was not there when I left my apartment, but it was there when I returned. And it was the wrong sticker, wrong brand, wrong size. Again, what is their intent? To make someone look ridiculous so no one will believe them should they speak of other more sensitive things. Staged Incidents The above incidents clearly point to coordinated and staged events (at my work, my home, on my walks, etc). This is so frequently met with incredulity. "But that would require coordination on the part of so many people," the public dismisses. "They wouldn't do that." Oh yes they would, and they have, as explained in https://fightgangstalking.com/. Note the documented cases involving the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS, Canada's equivalent to the US' CIA) and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP, Canada's national police force) in the second quote, which were reported in national newspapers. From https://fightgangstalking.com/: âDisruption operations often involve tactics which are illegal, but difficult to prove. These tactics include â but are not limited to â overt surveillance (stalking), slander, blacklisting, âmobbingâ (intense, organized harassment in the workplace), âblack bag jobsâ [home invasions], abusive phone calls, computer hacking, framing, threats, blackmail, vandalism, âstreet theaterâ (staged physical and verbal interactions with minions of the people who orchestrate the stalking), harassment by noises, and other forms of bullying. Many of these tactics were used by the FBI during its illegal COINTELPRO operations, as documented by stolen official documents and subsequent Congressional investigations. "Although the general public is mostly unfamiliar with the practice, references to âdisruptionâ operations â described as such â do occasionally appear in the news media, even though that fact would apparently be news to the editors of The New York Times. In May 2006, for example, an article in The Globe and Mail, a Canadian national newspaper, reported that the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) used âDiffuse and Disruptâ tactics against suspects for whom they lacked sufficient evidence to prosecute. A criminal defense attorney stated that many of her clients complained of harassment by authorities, although they were never arrested." She can add me to that list too. For the Benefit of Others The experiences I have recounted here seem so trivial, so insignificant, they make you look ridiculous if you talk about them. But if we donât talk about such things, no one will ever know about them. Other people have experienced the same, and are forced to endure such torments in silence. They need encouragement to talk about their own experiences, and so I write about mine in the hope they will talk about theirs, even if I do look ridiculous. The perpetrators are more ridiculous for doing them. I remember a military colleague being hauled away by military police one morning, as she was struggling and having a violent fit. A fellow on her floor told me she was throwing chairs at her walls screaming, âStop it! Stop it! Stop it!â. When he mentioned that, I knew exactly what they had done to her. She was considered unruly, and was being watched intently. They wanted her out, and that is how they accomplished it. Through wall tapping and sleep deprivation, they push you to the breaking point. And when you finally lose control and do something rash, they pounce on you, and youâre out. Now she has a criminal record, considered a criminal when in reality she was a victim. Welcome to the Canadian military, and other militaries besides, I am sure. There are dozens upon dozens of experiences I could present. But who will really read them? Worse still, who will really believe them? I overheard my military supervisor in Halifax whisper to another, âDo you think he knows?â, after I had mentioned one of the many âcoincidencesâ I experienced, but with a tone of my being aware it was not a mere coincidence. As I turned my face to my computer screen, I whispered under my breath, but still loud enough for him to hear, âYes, (rank) (name), I know.â A few minutes later, as he walked past my desk, he leaned in by my ear and whispered, âWeâre just trying to help you.â I should have pressed him for answers right then and there, but you just donât know how much trouble you can get into when making such accusations in the military. So I let it go. But I will never forget. Should anyone reading this ever decide to launch some kind of inquiry, I can mention names of over 100 people to contact, including military personnel, family members, neighbours, building managers, and others who have been contacted by military personnel with false narratives about me. They flash their IDâs and other credentials, and people believe anything they say. They turn family, friends, co-workers and neighbours against you, even recruiting their participation. Your acquaintances not only participate, but actually feel justified and emboldened playing tricks on you. It isn't their fault, though; they have been misled. I would reference them solely for corroboration. As a final thought, here are explanations of two military programs in which certain persons (sometimes military, sometimes civilian) are kept under constant surveillance, and are in some cases subjected to conditioning in an attempt to turn them into what is called a âsleeper agentâ. Almost all of the tactics presented below have been experience by me, including constant surveillance (ie: my previous post here regarding being harassed on my morning walks) and sleep deprivation (as per the top portion of this post, which other military members in Cuba and elsewhere around the world have also experienced). Pentagonâs Signature Reduction Program See Newsweekâs article: https://www.newsweek.com/exclusive-inside-militarys-secret-undercover-army-1591881 Some excerpts from that Newsweek article, plus more background information on the Pentagonâs Signature Reduction Program, can be found here: https://fightgangstalking.com/ âThe largest undercover force the world has ever known is the one created by the Pentagon over the past decade. Some 60,000 people now belong to this secret army, many working under masked identities and in low profile, all part of a broad program called âsignature reduction.â The force, more than ten times the size of the clandestine elements of the CIA, carries out domestic and foreign assignments, both in military uniforms and under civilian cover, in real life and online, sometimes hiding in private businesses and consultancies, some of them household name companies. ââŚa little-known sector of the American military, but also a completely unregulated practice. No one knows the programâs total size, and the explosion of signature reduction has never been examined for its impact on military policies and culture. Congress has never held a hearing on the subject. And yet the military developing this gigantic clandestine force challenges U.S. laws, the Geneva Conventions, the code of military conduct and basic accountability. ââŚThe signature reduction effort engages some 130 private companies to administer the new clandestine world. Dozens of little known and secret government organizations support the program, doling out classified contracts and overseeing publicly unacknowledged operations. "Federal spy agencies are using Americans to spy on their fellow citizens â the same approach to governance famously employed by communist East Germany." How to Develop a Hypnotic Sleeper Agent By Dantalion Jones / Masters of Mind Control The following âwasâ on the web, but has been removed. Surprise, surprise. But I saved its web files to my computer years ago, knowing that sooner or later it would be removed. I made a jpeg image of the web page as it once appeared, attached here. Note that I have experienced almost all of the tactics described below, including the stalking I mentioned in my previous post here (regular walks in the park), the sleep deprivation noted at the top of this post, and the surveillance and intrusions described here as well. Quoting the now-removed webpage: âHow to Develop a Hypnotic Sleeper Agentâ (from here to end of post): Amid all the conspiracy theories one of the most feared is that there exist "sleeper agents" in our society who are programmed to come into service when they are triggered by a phone call or key word. These alleged sleeper agents don't even know they are programmed to become saboteurs, soldiers, suicide bomber, etc because of the thoroughness of their programming. They are the feared "Manchurian Candidate" that the movies portray. The question is "Are they real?" If they are true sleeper agents there is no way of telling until they are activated. One can however theorize exactly how they are made. Indoctrination Using indoctrination a person can be made to embrace a religious or philosophical belief that would make becoming a sleeper agent possible. This would be a person so committed to an ideal they would be willing to wait patiently as a member of society until they are called into action. These people would know their mission and consciously hold it secret while interacting with the rest of society. Conditioning Conditioning is a repetitive process where the desired responses are enforced and rewarded and unwanted responses are punished. This can be done consciously as part of training drill and it can be done subconsciously using hypnosis or drugs to create amnesia. Hypnosis It has been demonstrated that hypnosis can create "amnesia walls" in which the subject has no conscious memory of what happened in the hypnosis session. It has further been demonstrated that hypnosis can give post hypnotic instruction to be carried out automatically in the waking state without the subject knowing it or questioning the behavior. What follows is conjecture and theory based on testimonials of people who were alleged to be sleeper agents and soldiers. Continuous Supervisions Continuous supervision doesn't mean that the subject is cut off completely from society. It means that they are constantly overseen and every aspect of their lives are managed (without their knowledge or consent) to support their hypnotic programming. This would include: ⢠Repeated reinforcement of all hypnotic conditioning. ⢠Handlers. Handlers are people who help maintain the subjects environment to maintain all the programming. They can play the role of family, friends, lovers, psychologists, coaches or any roll the subject perceives as supportive. The truth is the handlers are their to support the successful fulfillment of the programming and not the subject as a person. ⢠Minimal sleep so that the mind/brain does not process all the sleeper conditioning during sleep. ⢠Creating constant environmental challenges like unemployment or poverty. This gives the subject something other than their programming to focus on. ⢠Frequent hospitalization. This gives overt opportunity to sedate the subject for conditioning. If the subject has a history of hospitalizations for mental disturbances all the better. No one will take them seriously. Joseph Cafariello PS... Today is the second day after this post (February 12, 2024). A garbage truck just slammed into my parked car. PPS... I finish writing this post because I am satisfied with its shape and content; not because of what happened to my car. It is similar to when you are reaching for your coat, and someone tells you, "Take your coat." Since you have to take your coat, your brain tells you it's ok to obey them, and you comply. They just created an instance where they led you, and you followed them. And your brain accepted it. It's a technique the military uses all the time. It trains you to accept instructions from that person or group. Done enough times, you become comfortable obeying them. I just say, "I take my coat because I choose to, not because you tell me to." It's important to make that clear, to block the conditioning and affirm our self-governance; not just to them, but to ourselves as well. Now our brain realizes we took our coat by our own choice; we are still in command. So too, I say regarding today's event. "Thanks for the warning, but I had already finished writing my post. I finished by my own choosing." UPDATES 1 & 2: February 26 & March 07, 2024: My apartment was once again entered while I was out. Either a key was used or the lock was picked. This may or may not have included assistance from building staff. Home invasions are included in the list of their techniques noted above, referred to as "black bag jobs". All tenants on my floor received new fridges a couple of weeks ago. I removed the tape securing the bins inside my new fridge, and also removed all styrofoam pads from the corners of the glass shelves when I repositioned them. The person(s) who have been invading my living space on a regular basis have struck again. As you can see in the photo below, the styrofoam pads on the corners of my fridge's shelves were restored when I was out of my apartment. I had removed all pads when I repositioned the shelves. Yet now they are back. It is a tactic used to undermine our observational awareness in an attempt to make us second-guess and doubt ourselves. The aim is to cause people to feel less sure not only of the things we have done, but also feel less sure of the things others have done. They want us to question the accuracy of our observations and memory. The idea is to train you to dismiss any anomalies you may observe as being your own misperception of things. Once they convince you not to trust your own judgement, they are free to do whatever they want to you, and you will simply accept it without questioning. UPDATE 3: May 18, 2024: Confrontations with individuals keep occurring, at times potentially violent. Following are just 3 such encounters as of late. 1 - Kick-boxer in the park: As I parked my car in one of the parking lots in Vancouver's Stanley Park one night, another vehicle drove up behind me and parked several spots away. A tall man exited that vehicle, and walked hastily along the path I always walk, down some steps to the water's sea wall path. I took my time and followed my usual walk, also down the steps down to the sea wall. The man knew my routine, and was in a hurry to get ahead of me. As I walked along the sea wall, I saw the same man sitting on a bench, playing a loud Persian-sounding religious sermon on some device I did not clearly see. As I walked past him, he called out to me to stop and chat. I ignored him and continued walking past him. He rose and started walking behind me. I opened my umbrella, turned, and walked past him the other way, returning to the stairs back to the parking lot. He also turned and continued following me. I started running. He also started running. I ran up the steps, as did he. Being taller than I am, his legs are longer than mine, and he quickly caught up to me on a grassy patch at the top of the steps. I turned to him and asked, "Why are you following me?" He did not reply, but stood profile to me, the same stance a kick-boxer uses when ready to kick someone. He was tall, thin, and in excellent physical shape as you would see in a kick-boxer. He did not speak at all, but was just waiting for me to make a move. I turned, entered my vehicle and left. The encounter continued with a chase through the park in our cars. Yes, that is correct. He chased me out of the park in his car. 2 - Told to keep quiet: The perpetrators need to operate with as little detection as possible, and they repeatedly warn their subjects to keep their mouths shut about their experiences. On another of my recent nightly walks, a man stood on the sidewalk ahead of me about half a block away, looked at me, and shouted into the sky at nobody, giving the appearance of being a homeless person shouting for no reason. He then started walking in my direction. I continued walking straight. As he passed me, he leaned into my face and shouted into my ear, "Shut the f_ck up!" I continued walking in my direction, and he resumed walking in his. The idea is to make it seem as though he is just a deranged man wandering the streets at night, shouting at nothing, so that when he shouts at me, any observer would simply dismiss his actions. But in reality, he was sent to send me a message to stop publishing posts like this, which I had done many times on many sites, and continue to. They don't like it when we reveal their methods. But the truth must be known. 3 - You'll be sorry: On another occassion, while returning from grocery shopping one afternoon, I walked past a man sitting by a storefront. He was clean-cut, wearing clean clothes, without any carts or wagons or any belongings of any kind. As I past him, he asked me for some spare change. I replied, "I'm sorry," and continued walking past. He replied, "You will be." There are multiple other experience, like two seemingly unassociated men standing on the sea wall about 100 meters away from each other, each of them spitting just as I walked past each of them. There are too many experiences to mention. Looking at each experience individually, one would easily dismiss them as being unrelated and simply coincidental. But put them all together and a picture starts to form, like putting together the pieces of a puzzle. As I hand you each piece of the puzzle one by one, you dismiss each piece, saying, "This could be anything." And you discard it. You keep discarding each piece as I hand it to you. By the end of it, you look down at the table and say, "You have nothing." That's because you looked at each piece as a separate item and threw it away. But if you leave the pieces on the table as I hand them to you and do not hastily discard them, you will see they form a clear picture when put all together. We must look at all these events as a whole. Individually, each one could be anything. But when all of these experiences are put together and considered as a whole, they form an undeniable picture. Do not be quick to dismiss each piece. Leave the pieces on the table and look at the whole. The picture I present is sound. Remember, I have all the pieces; you do not. I see the picture more clearly than you do. https://preview.redd.it/we31ymcsm91d1.jpg?width=966&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d56ac3dd3558a60d477ba9315104d1b66b139f8 |
2024.05.19 00:59 Boring_Writing4170 How to deal with stuff that he is putting in my head?
Hello, sorry if formatting is bad.
I got out of an abusive relationship just few days ago. It lasted 1,5 years. He is an alcoholic and a drug addict. I am an immigrant in his home country. There are many things that he was putting into my head through the whole thing. The biggest one is about an incident that happened a year ago but is still very traumatic for me and I did not process it. I was at work, night shift, he went off on one of his benders - I begged him to come back, I had no idea what he was doing or with who. When I got home at 6 am, he still wasnât there. Out of frustration and sadness I drank leftover wine of his under the shower. Iâm not a drinker so it hit me hard. Out of exhaustion from working and the alcohol, l I decided to go to bed. Not long after, he shows up at the house with one of his âfriendsâ. I woke up and saw him texting me, so I went downstairs and asked to please go to bed. Of course that was useless, so I went back up alone. He was still texting to come downstairs and have a threesome. I said no, no I will not do that multiple times. He wouldnt stop, thats what made me go downstairs and plead with him to act right and just sleep. He pulled me in and started touching me, I pulled away but he didnt stop. His friend came back from the bathroom and started touching me as well. I froze. My mind went blank. I was molested as a child and he knows it. They used me in a very painful way, I even started crying meanwhile but he was too high and drunk to care. When he finished he got up and left me with that friend. He continued the sexual act. I wanted it to be done, I dont even know whaat was in my head. He says I was wet so I was enjoying it. Afterwards and to this day he says that i cheated on him and embarrassed him by doing it. That its his fault, but also mine because Im an adult and âi also was thereâ. He used it as excuse for his sick behavior. And i felt horrible afterwards and till now it makes me sick. But he says just because we âcontinued â without him, its cheating. He left because he came and took drugs off of his friend. Am I making myself a victim here? Should I be held accountable for something Im missing? It hurts so bad, Iâm not a cheater and I did not want to do it.
Thank you all.
submitted by Boring_Writing4170 to abusesurvivors [link] [comments]
I got out of an abusive relationship just few days ago. It lasted 1,5 years. He is an alcoholic and a drug addict. I am an immigrant in his home country. There are many things that he was putting into my head through the whole thing. The biggest one is about an incident that happened a year ago but is still very traumatic for me and I did not process it. I was at work, night shift, he went off on one of his benders - I begged him to come back, I had no idea what he was doing or with who. When I got home at 6 am, he still wasnât there. Out of frustration and sadness I drank leftover wine of his under the shower. Iâm not a drinker so it hit me hard. Out of exhaustion from working and the alcohol, l I decided to go to bed. Not long after, he shows up at the house with one of his âfriendsâ. I woke up and saw him texting me, so I went downstairs and asked to please go to bed. Of course that was useless, so I went back up alone. He was still texting to come downstairs and have a threesome. I said no, no I will not do that multiple times. He wouldnt stop, thats what made me go downstairs and plead with him to act right and just sleep. He pulled me in and started touching me, I pulled away but he didnt stop. His friend came back from the bathroom and started touching me as well. I froze. My mind went blank. I was molested as a child and he knows it. They used me in a very painful way, I even started crying meanwhile but he was too high and drunk to care. When he finished he got up and left me with that friend. He continued the sexual act. I wanted it to be done, I dont even know whaat was in my head. He says I was wet so I was enjoying it. Afterwards and to this day he says that i cheated on him and embarrassed him by doing it. That its his fault, but also mine because Im an adult and âi also was thereâ. He used it as excuse for his sick behavior. And i felt horrible afterwards and till now it makes me sick. But he says just because we âcontinued â without him, its cheating. He left because he came and took drugs off of his friend. Am I making myself a victim here? Should I be held accountable for something Im missing? It hurts so bad, Iâm not a cheater and I did not want to do it.
Thank you all.
2024.05.19 00:58 neptunes097 Why is this so hard?
Last month in April, one weekend I had a migraine for 48 hours straight. It was kind of scary because Iâve never had a migraineâ i get headaches all the time but not migraines. Then, the very next day, I had the worst abdominal pain iâve ever had in my entire life. Lying in the fetal position is the only thing that gave me some type of relief. No pain medication gave me any relief.
A couple days later, when the pain came to a functional level, I went to an ER. I thought i was getting better but i wanted to be safe. I NEVER went through anything like that in my life. So i go to the ER and I explain my symptoms to the physician and she asks âSo why did you feel the need to come to the ER if you felt your symptoms were getting better?â Iâm sorry, were you not listening? I had a 48 migraine then had the worst abdominal pain iâve ever felt in my life. Is that not a reason to seek help??? Anyway, that hospital was trash. They gave me headache medication and did nothing for my pain.
The very next week I had to go back to another ER because my pain was not getting better. That ER they said I had a UTI and gave me antibiotics. Took them as instructions had said and i had 1.5 days left with developing new symptoms and with the antibiotics did not help.
So i go to a CVS Minute Clinic where i was told it might be a kidney infection, and i was given DIFFERENT antibiotics that worked.
Got my period and had the worst cramps I could have imagined. The pain was constant with no relief, even with OTC medication, a heating pad, or yoga. I got prescribed naproxen and that didnât help either.
It is currently May 18th, and still in pain, and still no answer. I have had pelvic pain for over a month now and i have no clue as to what it is or how to treat it. Iâm losing my mind. I donât want to live my life in chronic pain already, iâm just 26, i donât want to do this. Why is it so hard to just get help, to get answers, to talk to someone that actually wants to help me??
This is a rant but you can comment/ reply, i donât mind.
submitted by neptunes097 to WomensHealth [link] [comments]
A couple days later, when the pain came to a functional level, I went to an ER. I thought i was getting better but i wanted to be safe. I NEVER went through anything like that in my life. So i go to the ER and I explain my symptoms to the physician and she asks âSo why did you feel the need to come to the ER if you felt your symptoms were getting better?â Iâm sorry, were you not listening? I had a 48 migraine then had the worst abdominal pain iâve ever felt in my life. Is that not a reason to seek help??? Anyway, that hospital was trash. They gave me headache medication and did nothing for my pain.
The very next week I had to go back to another ER because my pain was not getting better. That ER they said I had a UTI and gave me antibiotics. Took them as instructions had said and i had 1.5 days left with developing new symptoms and with the antibiotics did not help.
So i go to a CVS Minute Clinic where i was told it might be a kidney infection, and i was given DIFFERENT antibiotics that worked.
Got my period and had the worst cramps I could have imagined. The pain was constant with no relief, even with OTC medication, a heating pad, or yoga. I got prescribed naproxen and that didnât help either.
It is currently May 18th, and still in pain, and still no answer. I have had pelvic pain for over a month now and i have no clue as to what it is or how to treat it. Iâm losing my mind. I donât want to live my life in chronic pain already, iâm just 26, i donât want to do this. Why is it so hard to just get help, to get answers, to talk to someone that actually wants to help me??
This is a rant but you can comment/ reply, i donât mind.