Trigger Warning: Mention of suicide, TL;DR at the end.
Hello everyone, I (22m) have a friend (20nb) from college who I've been messaging frequently in the past week, especially since my mood has become elevated (which may be either due to my mood disorder or increase in antidepressant dosage). I've been sending them nice messages everyday, but I fear that it's not enough or that it may be too much.
Lately they've been mentioning about how they feel burnt out from college and don't like being with other students because they feel alienated by them and felt betrayed because they used to have other friends. But 2 weeks ago during a college break, they suddenly went silent on me for several days, and after that said that they've been only talking with their long-distance partner (21b) because that's who they're comfortable with.
Last week, they came to college and I was with them most of the time and they often seemed sad and tired, but they didn't say anything bad about me and even invited me to go outside to a cafe with them for a while. A day later, I attempted suicide due to some argument I had with my family which is a complete other story, but long story short they called me that time and I reconsidered and stopped my suicide attempt thanks to their kind words.
The day after that, we met on college again and while they said they're ok with me, they said that they had to go home immediately so I just respected that and let them. There was a field trip on the next day, but I didn't attend due to a death anniversary and I wanted some time to reflect on and heal from my attempt. I let them know they can text me during the field trip but they didn't really text much aside from saying they feel tired and overwhelmed and want to go home.
We were supposed to call when they got home but we didn't get to and on the next day they said the passed out. In the last several days, I tend to ask them how they're doing but they usually reply very late, saying that they're sorry cause they've been sleeping a lot. I suggested that they might be severely depressed but that it's a treatable condition, but refused, saying that they're not depressed because they don't want to overthink things. I asked them if they're taking their prescribed medication since they have a psychiatrist, and they indirectly answered by saying that they're taking their anxiety medication. When I asked them if they have medication for depression, they said they're not depressed and the conversation stopped there because I didn't want to argue.
It's been like this for several days, and what's worse is that their long-distance partner has been busy lately due to family matters and hasn't been responding much either, only replying every several hour intervals. I'm really worried about my friend and I don't want to lose them. Should I contact their family so they can help them out somehow? I also told my friend to contact their psychiatrist but they said that their next appointment is on June 1.
I've talked about this with another friend but they told me not to contact the family unless I'm sure because the family might be causing the problem and potentially abusing my friend, and while I don't know much about their family, I don't know much evidence to suggest this either. Should I contact them anyways? I know I can contact them through Facebook, but it would be my first time directly messaging them.
TL;DR: My friend has been telling me that they feel tired, sad, and overwhelmed, but refuse the possibility of being depressed to avoid overthinking. Recently, they don't talk to me as often and say they're sleeping most of the time. I'm worried about them and want to get them help before it worsens. What should I do? Should I contact the family they live with? Ask them about their psychiatrist?

I'll make it as concise as possible, if more details are needed I'll be happy to provide them:

• Us :M40, F40, plus a young child, downstairs neighbour : F40
  
• Our downstairs neighbour (we're in a condo) has had mental health issues for the last 2 years. We've known this through other people. Prior to that, we just exchanged a hello and a smile when we saw each other in the stairs, and never said more than a few words;
  
• However, she started targeting us in the last couple of months, there were 3 incidents that were out of line but individually could seem like a unhinged Karen fed up with her upstairs neighbours.
  
• In the meantime, I learned from neighbours that on her Facebook, she talked about us, and other neighbours, and other people as well, but they were madman's rantings. I said it had to be taken seriously, was promised the account's name as I couldn't find it by myself, but in the next few days I had no news on that front.
  
• Fourth incident was yesterday: we were working from home, and suddenly heard her banging on the door and screaming at the top of her lungs. When I opened the door, she yelled at my wife and I that I raped her daughter, and that my wife poisoned her, and... a few other things that we didn't understand. Another neighbour opened her door and heard her.
  
• I called back the neighbours who mentioned the Facebook messages, explained what had just happened, and insisted that I would need the account's name urgently. They got back to me quickly, took a few screenshots, it was worse than expected. A lot of rambling messages about us, about our daughter, that we were international spies, that I had raped her, raped her daughter, that her daughter had been killed in another neighbour's apartment, with a picture of her kid and a picture of a knife, that my wife is a whore, that she slept with other men, that our daughter isn't ours, and that we should be deported and/or executed, that she wishes we were dead, that she wants us dead, that we're evil, etc, etc.
  
• Because of that, I called the police. I spared no details, told them everything. They told me there were no death threats because she didn't clearly say that she wanted to kill us, but that the repeated incidents were enough to qualify for harassment. They made the clear distinction that any slandelibel would be a civil case and that I should pursue these matters through a lawyer, but that I should know that because of the limited reach of her facebook profile it was unlikely that the endeavor would go far). However, they went to talk to her, and a service called "psycho-social emergencies" was involved.
  
• Police came back to me, told me she was to be committed immediately because of some signs given to the psycho-social emergencies, and asked me if this meant that I felt safer and still wanted to file a criminal complaint for harassment. I thought that since she's a mother, and since it seems like a mental health issue first and foremost, I would not file a complaint yet, but would if anything new ever happened. The police accepted my answer. I got the file # as a reference.
  
• More as a side note than anything: when I saw the status with a pic of her girl and a pic of a knife, I called CPS (the DPJ in Québec). The child hasn't lived with her recently though, but I thought that was one of these "better safe than sorry" situations.
  

My two questions are :

• Did I do the right thing about not filing a complaint just yet? There is now a file # that mentions the harassment situation, she was committed and will receive the care and medication that she needs, and I hope she comes back in a better place mentally.
  
• What should we do about the content on her Facebook? My wife is livid, she wants that gone. However, I say it's a blessing in disguise because at least we have a way to monitor her mental health, and could use any ranting status as a new sign of harassment, and call the police again if need be. Better that than having to wait for her to act. Especially since we have to walk right in front of her door every time we leave the building. If Facebook closed down her account, we'd lose that monitoring tool. On the other hand, while I've been unable to Google her Facebook page in private mode using specific terms and names used in her Facebook messages, I wonder if someday further down the road it could change, and say 5 years from now a future potential employer sees Facebook messages about me being accused of raping a child...
  

I made a post about soon becoming homeless. Things have been so crazy I haven't had time to update or even join this sub. All my time has been spent cleaning (still from the bedbug debacle) And packing and arranging for my departure from this building, and storing stuff. I've read through some posts here and I am overwhelmed at the stories. So many I wanted to comment on or ask questions. similarities to my situation.
One was asking if anyone has ever become homeless on purpose. (Please forgive any etiquette rules I may be breaking here. Although not completely new to reddit, I still know there's stuff i don't understand. Where to post what...if it makes a difference etc.) My making this post is mainly for advice. I will begin by addressing the question above.
While I'm not being evicted, I feel like I absolutely have to leave. My mental health has been precarious for all the time I lived here...a subsidized HUD high rise. I live on the top floor. Not all my issues are due to the fact that I live where I do. Though I suspect many of my health issues are due to mold toxicity.
I have come to the absolute limit of my tolerance over issues here. They've been promising repairs for all the time I have been here...10yrs.The manager has targeted me, blamed me for bringing in bedbugs when my neighbors apartment was ten times more infested than mine. She tried to hide from me that he had them, even straight up lied to me about it so she could keep on manipulating and gaslighting. As if it matters who brought them in. She'll say she doesn't blame me but she never missed a chance to subtly say I started them. If I call her on her bullshit she says things like..."I look for the good in people." or "I like you!"
Meanwhile every step of this process has been hell because of the BS she keeps throwing in my way. It was so draining I finally called the property manager. I said "I don't know if you guys are aware of what's going on here, (A complete disinterest on her part to even find out the extent of the infestation in this building) I said "I don't know if this is via your approval or without your knowledge. But if it's the latter you really should know." Of course things being what they are, I said this to an answering machine. At this point I really didn't care except for my 2 friends who will continue to live here. I will be out as of Wednesday next week...not my circus anymore. I've been offered by this manager yet a 4th apartment here. I just can't.
The day after I called the management company maintainance men in this building were up here very early knocking on people's doors. I'm not sure they'll ever get rid of the bugs in this building. No way could I go through again what I've been through this past month. Anyway whatever happened resuled in her staying out of my way long enough so I could get my stuff in storage. Not much to do now but wait and prepare.
People say to me isn't it better than being homeless? And I don't understand why finding another apartment, (except this kind, plenty of empty apartments here) is so difficult. I'm 70 years old and have never had trouble finding somewhere to live. But I did move in here because there were no other options at the time. But I have SSI, and I have Social Security, and I have MSA, and I have medical insurance. I by no means consider myself destitute. But I guess all this means that I have some money but not enough to pay an unsubsidized rent. I have so many more resources than many but when it comes to housing it doesn't make a difference. My daughter said I could stay with her but I know it would be a disaster. My son offered me a place on his couch but I would have no privacy. Plus I have a very energetic toddler grandson that while loving him, I believe would exhaust me. And his wife and I wouldn't get along. I will not destroy my relationship with my kids by moving in with them.
It's been suggested by my case manager that I either go into a homeless shelter or assisted living for god sake! A shelter would treat me like a child and confiscate all my meds and I for sure wouldn't be able to smoke my weed which is just as much a part of my pain and anxiety treatment as my doctor prescribed pain meds are. To not be able to manage my own pain in the way that works for me is a big deal. Then again the privacy issue would bother me greatly.
And assisted living!?! I've been following my ex's journey through many different facilities. The term 'assisted' is a joke. Yes they make sure you take your meds and make meals, but though they say they do light housekeeping, I've never seen it. Every time I go see him his room is just gross... plugged overflowing toilets, unchecked an uncleaned. The amount of money these places make on each resident is obscene and they can't keep a toilet clean?!They're just warehouses for people who can't die soon enough. Besides I am in no way at the point where I can't do things for myself. I just can't find a friggin place to live!
So am I becoming homeless purposely? It doesn't feel like it to me. But I have never been on the streets. And something inside me feels like there's a place for me. Like something will happen before I actually am without a roof over my head.
But yesterday I realized that in staring straight into the possibility of homelessness I would be very stupid not to prepare for it in every possible way. I've gone through my stuff. Camp stove, plenty of fuel, tent, water filter, sleeping bag. pepper spray, taser warm clothes, good shoes.But I'm trying to decide how much I can realistically take with me. I know the realities of being homeless will be an eye opener but I absolutely want to know what things I will need that I could be missing. I live quite far from the metro area in a smallish town. There are still plenty of homeless people here...lots of meth heads. The shelters here are mostly full anyway.
I've been trying to figure ways and places to camp safely without getting harrassed by the police or anyone else. I don't think it would be safer in the city...just the opposite. Am I right about that? I am on the edge of a national forrest so can disperse camp for sometime. But nobody wants to be homeless through a Minnesota winter. I'm also negotiating with a friend to camp in her backyard though I don't know if she'll give it. It still makes me nervous because she has no fence. I really know nothing about what's ahead of me and would be grateful for any words of experience.

-First- -Previous- -Next (on Patreon)-
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My second to last quarter just ended and I'm pretty swamped with final reports right now, but I'm almost through. Not to mention, the next seven weeks are going to be pretty light because of a sudden lack of classes, since I busted my butt finishing up my remaining credits. I've decided to dedicate this time to (among other things) a writing frenzy! I wanna get some serioussss backlogs up because who knows how busy I'm going to be after graduation. (Not to mention, I'm having some troubles getting my VISA renewed, but that's a personal issue).
Anyways, don't wanna bore you with irl stuff. You're here for food and gay furry romance! So as always, I hope you enjoy reading! :D
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Note: This is a Fanfic of the Nature of Predators series by u/Spacepaladin15, that is being reposted from the NatureofPredators sub. Please support the original content.
Thank you to Philodox on discord for proofreading and editing RfD.
Thank you to Pampanope on reddit for the cover art.
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Memory Transcript Subject: Sylvan, Venlil Citizen
Date: [Standardized Human Time]: December 13, 2136
​
It wasn’t too long that I was absent from the event. Sure, Kenta and I had run into a few hiccups when trying to load up the cart, but that was to be expected. Just looking at the absolute behemoth of an edible pile that he had somehow been able to put together in such a short amount of time, it was a wonder just how we were able to fit them all on there in the first place. And the promise that there was still more yet to be brought out had left me astonished. If I hadn’t already seen the ravenous vortex of Venlil that had so efficiently done away with the other dishes, I might have actually been worried about leftovers.
The food in question, long tubes made out of some kind of starchy form of strayu and packaged in an even starchier husk, were stacked in circular pyramids atop three large trays. As it turned out, this delicacy was the same “Tamale” recipe that I had heard mentioned the day before, the sheer amount being the product of Kenta’s, Julio’s, and even Jeela’s preparations. Unfortunately, I hadn’t received the full explanation of what they were just yet, but Kenta had thankfully given me at least a quick rundown.
Using the same steaming methods as the gyoza, these tamales had been folded carefully over a mix of fresh, crisp vegetables whose scent floated around each in a rich aura. They were hot out of the steamer, a cloud of gaseous water encircling the air above it in a decadent plume. If I hadn’t known better, with the combined mass of the tamales and the sheer volume of steam they collectively released, it might have made me believe the cart itself to be on fire. But of course, there was no such thing, and the cloud that spread into the sky only served to sweeten the air.
As I rolled out the cart, I looked at one last addition to the ensemble. There in a large bowl was something that Kenta hadn’t mentioned in the slightest when explaining the recipe and reasonings behind the tamales, and I had been so urgent to get these out the door that I’d forgotten to press for more details. It had been left in the refrigerator since the day before, which I had only noticed when doing inventory after the fiasco of event preparations.
‘It completely slipped my mind until now… I’m glad I didn’t forget it. Especially after what that note said.’
When I had found the bowl, a small piece of paper had been taped to it. On which, an alien text had been inscribed that required me to use my visual translator to make any sense of. It had been nothing but obvious that holding up the translator informed me that the language was indeed Terran. But what confused me was that instead of the morphemic script that I had come to slightly recognize from Kenta’s subculture, it instead appeared to be something more alphabetic.
On it, the note simply read: “Make sure to serve this with the tamales, my friend. Don’t forget!”
Additionally, below those words had appeared to be an additional message. That one, however, was partially scribbled out. When I scanned that one as well, the translator had taken a long time to process, and its output remained considerably fractured: “**od l*ck wit* y*u* n*w boyf***nd.”
Having not thought much of the note, I had just barely remembered to retrieve the bowl from the fridge and put it on the card while Kenta was off busy grabbing one last batch of tamales before rushing me out the door. I shook it out of my mind for the time being. After all, right now there were more pressing things to manage.
Wheeling the cart back outside, I was hit with the briefest shortage of breath. It had only been a momentary respite, but shifting from the quiet of the empty diner to the lively atmosphere of a crowded party would never not be a shock. By now, enough people had shown up that the event could already be considered at max capacity. People from all over filled the street, chatting and conversing in a rambunctious, lively gusto.
To see so many people take the time out of their schedules and come down to my family’s diner just because of the promise of our food… It was almost overwhelming, enough to bring a brief tear to the eye reminiscent of my reaction to that very first wave of people Ginro had brought soon after I first hired Kenta. I took a moment just to bask in it. A feeling I had all but begun to grow almost too accustomed to. A feeling of success, and of pride. And as I once again continued pushing the cart past the crowds of chatty party attendees, along with the piles of wool that it entailed, that feeling continued to pour into me. It was all almost too much to hear at once.
“Hey Sylvan! Great party!” said one voice to my left.
“Amazing food as always, Lackadaisy guy! I can’t get enough of these little strayu things in the salad!” piped another to my right.
“Ooooo! What are those things?” asked one more as I passed by them, who excitedly eyed up the stack of tamales I was delivering.
I laughed along and chatted with people on my way to one of the tables, chuckling at their jokes and accepting their praise on behalf of both myself and the mysterious ‘Kahnta.’ With each pleased guest and hungry gaze, I couldn’t help but feel myself bloom in sheer joy at the tidal wave of enthusiastic complements.
That was… until one otherwise innocent comment sounded from behind me.
“So you’re telling me this was all made by one chef?” they asked one of their friends, not intending me to hear as they talked with their mouth half stuffed with food. Looking closer, I could see that they were two Gojids chatting with one another. “Better enjoy it now, I guess. Not gonna be long before some fancy place in the Capital comes and recruits them. Honestly, if the owner of this place wants to have any hope of holding on to them, he better marry them or something.”
The partygoer’s friend laughed, “Well if he doesn’t, then I will! Can you imagine eating something like this every day?”
I couldn’t help but bloom even more overhearing this. But this was a different kind of feeling. Not the gentle warmth of normal delight, but instead the torrid heat of surging emotions. And as I began nonchalantly transferring the steaming tamales to one of the tables, these emotions steamed to the surface of my mind as well.
It was a mix of things that fueled my silent reaction. At first, the implication of asking Kenta into matehood was… well it was certainly something. I was sure the two Gojids were simply making innocent remarks, assuming that the lie about my precious chef being another, completely ordinary Venlil was correct, not realizing in the slightest just how much the implication left me flummoxed. And in normal circumstances, it would have been just that, a simple perk of the ears and a brief daydream of something so far away from me. But after yesterday, things had changed.
The previous day had been eventful, to say the least. I had eaten some amazing pastries and listened to an even more amazing alien melody. Only for it all to come crashing down when my idiotic brain forgot to turn back on the translator before pouring out my entire menagerie of pent up emotions before Kenta. My one chance to seize an opportunity at the height of a courageous high, only to tumble and fall flat during the execution. Even worse, I couldn’t muster the bravery to say the same thing even one more time.
I had completely blown it. And needless to say, I wasn’t exactly keen on remembering my mistakes from that previous day, especially during such a pivotal event. The only mediocre condolence I could take from the whole ordeal being the opportunity of waking up next to Kenta that same day. But even that was cut much too short by the mad rush to get preparation ready for the event.
‘I can still remember how warm he felt… And how peaceful he looked when his eyes were closed…’ I thought to myself in deep reminiscence.
“Hey there Sylvan!”
‘I can’t get it out of my head…! Ugh! I wish it wasn’t just a one time thing…’
“Sylvan?”
‘If we really were together romantically, then maybe I could see that every day… But that’s not–’
“Sylvan!!”
The moment my attention was pulled away from my internal thoughts, I audibly bleated out a high pitched noise of surprise, “Eeep!”
My ears jutted up and my tail straightened like a steel beam. My attention shifted over to my side, where I soon realized Fehnel now stood. She had her paws held firmly on her hips, with a head tilted to the side in a half puzzled, half amused demeanor. Then, when I realized I had been staring a little too long without saying anything, I quickly turned my attention back to the table.
“Oh hey Fehnel!” I stuttered out. “Didn’t see you there!”
“Sorry if I sneaked up on ya, hun,” Fehnel replied with a single wag of the tail. “Got somethin’ on the mind, I’m assumin’?”
The image of Kenta and I huddled together on my couch flashed through my mind once more, before I quickly shook it away. “Uhhhh… Nope! I’m just really focussing here on getting these tamales out.”
“‘Tamales,’ huh?” Fehnel chuckled. “Well between this and that ‘gee-yo-za’ stuff, I think I’m startin’ to give up on predictin’ what crazy name Kahnta’ll come up with next.”
“Yeah it’s pretty… uh–” I coughed awkwardly, clearing something nonexistent out of my throat. “It’s pretty creative.”
“You can say that again. By this point, they’re startin’ to sound almost alien!” Fehnel laughed again, and I cringed as the irony fell over deaf ears. “But hey, who am I to judge! I mean, to me all the stuff on this planet is alien, so what’s another ‘Tamale’ added to the pile, yeah?”
I had to stop my ears and head from shrinking too far towards the ground.
“Anyways, I’m assumin’ these are the actual foods I requested Kahnta to create, right?” Fehnel continued to ask.
“Uh– Y-yeah, yes they ar–” I tried to say before one of Fehnel’s paws suddenly reached out and grabbed my wrist.
“Great!” she beamed, before dragging me away into one of the many chatty piles of fluffy wool that constituted our event.
It didn’t take more than a few rushed steps before I was suddenly pulled in front of another Yotul and Venlil, who I did well to recognize immediately. It seemed as though Kadew and Vuilen had arrived, the former of which looking just about as nervous as I had expected. Vuilen, on the other paw, was anything but. Her tail was wagging furiously, almost impossibly giddy with enthusiasm as her ears shifted around a swivel, likely allowing every new smell and sound to pull her attention to and fro.
Fehnel dragged me forward and plopped me down right in front of the two, before saying, “Tell them what you just told me.”
Vuilen leaned forward, bestowing me her full attention, while Kadew remained stationary, only doing as much as to straighten a single, skeptical ear.
“W-well, uh…” I stumbled, before quickly getting my act together. “Among a number of new strayu recipes, the main entree for today’s event is called ‘Tamales.’”
“Oooo!” Vuilen beamed. “What’s that, Lackadaisy guy? It sounds awesome!”
“According to Kahnta, it’s a mix of vegetables folded in a spongy strayu wrap and steamed inside a starchy husk. And…” I tilted my ears towards Kadew, “It’s supposedly a specialty that is designed to be eaten during times of celebration with family. Regardless of whether they be by blood, or found.”
Kadew huffed a short breath, before folding her arms. But before she got the chance to speak, Vuilen’s enthused voice overtook it. The black and white wooled Venlil leaned into her smaller Yotul partner and pulled them into a strong hug.
“Hear that, Dew? It’s like this food was MADE for your Running Day!” Vuilen piped, bouncing up and down like a cub and bringing the now deeply blooming Kadew along for the ride. “Well… I guess it literally was, but you know what I mean! Either way, there’s like a million new kinds of strayu foods here! Can you believe that? I think I even saw some sylvanas over on that table there! Can you even begin to wonder what they taste like? Oh my Sol, I’m so excited!”
Kadew, whose previously unimpressed countenance now had more steam coming out of her ears than the tamales off in the distance, stuttered out her response. “Uh– Uhmm– That’s… that’s great…”
“I know right!” Vuilen squealed. “This is going to be the BEST Running Day ever! I’m so happy for you!”
I couldn’t help but giggle out in response to this, something which Fehnel had long since been doing on her own volition. Unfortunately for Kadew, this did nothing to ease the sheer amount of embarrassment already flying around her dazed face.
“Of course, all guests are free to eat their fill, especially those invited by the Claw’s Lady herself,” I said, before gesturing a paw towards Fehnel. “All of it has been covered in advance by our generous sponsor.”
Vuilen retreated from her hug just as quickly as it had started, twisting her attention back towards Fehnel and I. “Really? I still can’t believe you’re just giving away all this for free!”
She walked towards the two of us, leaving a still dazed Kadew behind her, before rushing to give Fehnel herself another brief hug. “Thank you so much again for organizing something like this, ma’am.”
Fehnel returned the embrace, having nothing but pure pride and joy radiate through her voice. “Of course, hun. I hope you and my daughter enjoy your date.”
“Oh we will!” Vuilen replied quickly, pulling back once again. Just as fast, she began making a beeline for the buffet tables, almost disappearing into the crowd of fellow Venlil fluff before her voice was heard once more. “I’ll be back in a jiffy, Dew! I just gotta try some of this stuff before it’s all gone!”
Before she was out of range, I twisted around, raised a paw up to my mouth, and stood up high to help carry my voice after her. “Don’t forget to save room for dessert!”
Turning back, I joined Fehnel once again in her chuckling. It didn’t take long for Fehnel to comment on the situation now that Vuilen was out of earshot.
She leaned over and gently nudged me in the leg with her tail. “She’s a riot, ain’t she? Does my daughter know how to pick em’, or what?”
“Oh yeah, I’ve seen them together in the diner all the time. Honestly, I’ve been wondering how long it was going to take to knit that scarf,” I commented, referencing one of the more common and romantic Venlil courtship rituals.
“Guys I can HEAR YOU!” Kadew yelped, now seemingly freed of her hug-induced daze.
“Oh hun don’t you worry yourself about us,” Fehnel replied, a slight hum to her voice. “Us adults can’t help but watch the young love bloom.”
“That guy’s barely older than I am!” Kadew shot back, raising a finger to point at me.
I raised two paws in defence, much too similar to the way Kenta does when he’s been caught teasing me. “Hey, doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it when I see it. You’re doing great, by the way.”
The teasing, however, had been lost on her. I had meant it in good will, but my words had only served to aggravate Kadew, and she huffed out an annoyed breath. Then, she started stomping rapidly in place, her trained legs moving in a blur like overclocked turbines. From even the briefest glance, I could tell that something had been pulling away at her tail, and our comments were doing it no favours.
“Uhh… are you alright?” I asked tentatively.
“ARGH!” she groaned back. “No! No, I am very much NOT alright! Running Day’s here already, I feel like a pile of speh, my fur’s a mess, and I’m FREAKING THE BRAHK OUT!!”
‘Quite the vocabulary on this one, apparently,’ I judged silently, wondering how my mother would have reacted to hearing me talk like that.
“Honey, Vuilen’s not gonna care about any of that silly stuff,” Fehnel said jovially. “Why, I remember bein’ covered in dried mud the first time I went on a date with your father. We went down to the creek together and took turns tossing water at each other. Then, we went down to the local actin’ house and watched a show. But even after all of that, I still had a bit of dried mud crusted on my fur, but your father didn’t mind. Said it gave me ‘character,’ of all the silly things.”
“Isn’t dried mud just dirt?” I asked.
“Naw, see, dirt is sand, silt, and clay, but it only becomes mud when it has a higher content of clay.”
“So then what happens when dirt gets wet but doesn’t have a lot of clay?”
“Wet dirt.”
“Ah.”
“WHAT ARE YOU BRAHKING TALKING ABOUT!?” Kadew squealed in a panic, her stomping had not ceased in the slightest. She threw her paws up and pulled her ears down over her eyes. “Dirt and mud! That’s all that we Yotul talk about apparently! And trains! Can’t forget the brahking trains! Stars above, that’s all people ever say!”
“Trains are cool,” I said indifferently.
“I don’t care!” she huffed, before turning to Fehnel. “Mom. What if Vuilen comes back and sees you talking about dirt? She’ll just see that it’s the only thing a primitive uplift is capable of understanding! Do you really want to prove her right?”
Fehnel looked shocked, but replied nonetheless. “Has… she said something like that before?”
“Well…! No…! But…” Kadew stomped again. “She might, okay!? Especially if she sees you actively talking about it!”
“To be fair, I asked,” I replied. “Besides, Vuilen seems like a smart girl. She wouldn’t make a rash assumption about the Yotul based off some random remark. Relationships are stronger than that. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“What do you know about it!?” Kadew shot back, releasing her ears and letting them perk up to max height. “Unless I missed something, I don’t see you dating any other Venlil in that restaurant of yours! How do you know if any of this is fine!?”
Fehnel’s voice soured immediately. “Kadew! That is no way to talk to our new business partner! He was just tryin’ to help! Apologize this instant!”
Realizing something had shifted without my notice, I tried to mellow my voice in an attempt to calm the situation down. “Oh, that won’t be necessar–”
“No,” Fehnel interrupted. “I refuse to let my daughter be rude to anyone. We might not have much, but we at least have manners.” She turned her attention back to her daughter. “Kadew, if you have a problem, then I want you to tell me about it. If there’s somethin’ we can do to help, then–”
“No no, it’s not…” Kadew replied, bringing two fingers up to pinch the bridge of her snout. “It’s not that…”
“It’s not what?” Fehnel tried to guess. “It’s with Vuilen, isn’t it? You’re afraid she’ll not be able to appreciate the Runnin’ Day? Listen, I know this isn’t Leirn, but Sylvan and I are kickin’ our hardest to make it special for you regardless. Sure, it’s not the most traditional, but I’m sure Vuilen won’t mind! I understand that livin’ on a new planet is taxin’, the gravity here especially, but as foreigners it’s our job to show these nice people where we come from. We’re Yotul, and nothin’ will change that!”
“Mom…” Kadew grunted back, before taking a deep breath.
Before she could speak, Fehnel continued with a proud wag to her tail. “Do you remember what a Runnin’ Day is all about, Kadew? It’s about all the cubs that came of age that year comin’ together and sayin’ that they’ll be fine by themselves. But it’s also about family. It’s about knowin’ that no matter where you run off to, I’ll be there to support you. But you’re makin’ it real hard to do that every time you don’t tell me what the matter is! And if you don’t, how can I make this Runnin’ Day the best it can–”
“But it’s not a Running Day, is it!” Kadew yelled, instantly shutting Fehnel up.
Her mother stared forward blankly, stumbling over a few unclear words. “Wh-what do you…”
“It’s not a Running Day!” Kadew repeated. “It’s not! I mean look around you!” She lifted her arms up dramatically, motioning towards the crowds of unaware Venlil around us. “We’re the only Yotul here! We’re the only two people that even know what a Running Day is, and I’m pretty sure we’re the only people that care!”
I tried to speak, “Umm… I know what a Running Day i–” but the look of animosity Kadew immediately shot my way gave me Jeela flashbacks, and I shut up just as quick.
“Kadew… Hun, that’s not true,” Fehnel tried to defend. “I’m sure they’d be willing to open their minds if we just–”
“What? Tell them all about how great it is to come from an Uplift planet? Talk about brahking DIRT some more!? Careful there Mom, don’t want to spoil their meal!” Kadew continued her berating. “Because you and I both know that the only reason anyone even showed up to this thing is because of that guy’s food!” Another finger was shot out in my direction. “Even you know there’s nothing special about your stupid Uplift culture! There’s nothing here even remotely related to the Yotul! It’s all just Venlil decorations and Venlil food, for our solely Venlil guests! And look!!” She pointed directly at the statue Jeela had placed as the centerpiece. “They have a statue of a Venlil as the center of everything! It’s the star attraction, not us! They couldn’t give a damn about me or Running Day or our culture or… or anything!”
Fehnel appeared to be on the verge of tears.
“And now I’ve got to find some kind of excuse for all this!” Kadew added. “It’s bad enough I had to drag Vuilen into pretending to care about the Yotul. But now the entire town is a part of it too! They’re laughing at us, Mom! Just like at school! Just like everywhere else I go! They’re laughing at us and you’re proud about it!”
From the verge of tears, Fehnel’s voice had croaked into a soft weep. A glimmering stream of water had begun to crawl down the ridge of her rust-coloured face.
“I hate being born a Yotul! I hate this gross, rusty fur! I hate everyone thinking I’m primitive and that I must be in love with trains and steam engines! And I hate you trying to push your culture on me! Cause guess what? I’ve never even seen Leirn! It’s NOT my home and you need to stop pretending it is!”
Fehnel stood simply aghast, the occasional choked-up garble of sounds emerging from her throat. Meanwhile, I stood speechless as well. Obviously, I had accidentally walked in on and been exposed to something that had been going on for quite a while. But even worse, it seems as though I had done nothing but fanned the flame of this long-fueled fire. Instinctively, I began taking a few steps back to give the two their space, which went unnoticed by either party.
Fehnel swallowed, her eyes still welling tears. “I… I…” she tried to say, but no words would form. Instead, she choked on her own voice. And Kadew, who stood waiting for a response, sucked in heavy loads of air in the fleeting hope to catch her breath.
But instead of an answer, all that any of us heard was a scream.
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The boy who took my heart
but gave it back after crumbling it
Daylan Meadows my first heartbreak, it was truly one of the biggest learning experiences I’ve had so far. I loved him, I really did, and I know he loved me. But, not a single relationship is perfect. We weren't even close to perfect, but it felt perfect. He felt perfect. What I didn't realize was how emotionally damaging that relationship was until I lost him.
It was the summer of 2020, mid June when we first met. I was thirteen and he was seventeen. That night I was with all of my friends, we picked him up from his mamaw's house. At the time we were in different relationships. He was with a girl named Ciara, and was living with her in Berea. I was with a boy named Sam. Which was Daylans cousin, but I had met him through Jayla way before Daylan. But that night I remember seeing him, there was something different and special about him. We all drove around for a while talking and laughing about the most random things. We haven't really talked that night or after, there were times we would catch each other looking at the other. After a week or two Sam and I broke up. Jayla and I wanted to go do something before we packed her stuff to her apartment, so we invited Daylan. While driving around he had asked me how my relationship was going. Before I could say anything, Jayla told him that Sam and I broke up. He told me he was sorry to hear that but when I looked at the rearview mirror he had a big beautiful smile on his face. He started flirting with me, and we instantly connected. He told me how he and Ciara were over but he was still trying to get the stuff his papaw gave him. He never lied to me about their relationship. So we were always hanging out with each other, but he didn’t want everyone knowing, because he didn't want to hurt Sam. We hid it for a little bit. Then one day we were riding around with everyone, me and him were in the back seat. I had laid my head down because I had gotten car sick. When he saw he laid his head down with me making sure I was okay. Afterwards, he laid his hand on my knee showing me he was there for me not caring who saw.
I was falling for him. Everything about him I was falling for, the way his eyes form a yellow sunflower in the brightest baby blue, how they glistened in the sun, the way his big smile could bring light to every dark corner, the freckles that are placed perfectly on his skin, the way his voice made me feel at home, or how his jokes was always funny, but the way he looked at me, the way his skin peacefully touched mine, and the way he spoke to me with love are some of the many reasons I was falling in love with him. There was a night I never wanted to let him go. We laid there, soaking in every moment. He thought I had already fallen asleep, he pulled me in closer rubbing his finger against my cheek. I could feel him looking at me, but not just looking at me he saw me for who I was. He saw me. That’s all I ever wanted, and he gave it to me. The next morning It was just me and him and things started to progress. But the one thing I didn’t want him seeing, he saw. I was waiting for him to judge me, he never did. Instead he asked me why, the one thing no one took the time to ask. I opened up to him and he saw me, he understood me. He helped me. We were never apart, we were figuring out life together. He ended up living with me for a couple months. He was the first person to meet my mom. After we had gone and seen her, we had to stay at my aunt's house after we got back. The day we were leaving she had gotten into an argument with me. A lot of it was because of our age. Then that night he had to go back and live at his mamaws, but he was always there when I needed him. It never made us any different. He never left, he always chose me.
A year goes by 2021, we did everything together, we were experiencing everything together. Even though we had a hard time with our relationship we promised we will get through it together. We facetimed everyday, and sleep on the phone together. We even had a good night saying that we would say every night. We had gotten a dog, her name was lady may. We called her lady. After we had her for a while we had gotten willow. He and I did everything together and we always supported each other. I always made sure everyone knew I was his biggest fan. One time he let me bleach his hair and it had turned out orange. It was the funniest thing ever. We laughed about it for days. It was the little things that truly meant the most. We went to birthday parties, dinners, get-togethers, we were always there for one another. We opened up to each other more about our past. There were times we held each other on my bedroom floor as we cried together. We were learning more about each other everyday. He helped me eat when I couldn't even move out of bed. He would set alarms for every hour, so I could at least take a bite of something. He helped me when everyone was against me. He always stuck up for me. We loved each other more everyday.
After two years 2022, he got his own place, Sam and his dad Matt were also living with him. The relationship was getting hard, he would want me to stay the night with him but wouldn't want me to stay alone with Sam. I had understood why, that wasn't the problem though. The problem was he didn't trust me, so I would have to get Alicia to come over when he worked. Then he would still tell me how he dont trust me. I told him I could go home when he was going to work. Then that would lead to another argument because I didn't want to spend time with him. But we promised we would get through it together, and we did. That September he went 3 hours away for trade school. It sucked at first we missed seeing each other everyday but we still stayed. We got through it together. He came home and signed up for the marines. I didn't know about it until after. At first I was mad he didn't talk to me about it, after i supported him in every way possible. I was so proud of him, I still am. He had come so far in life and was chasing his dreams. How could i not support the boy who was so excited, the boy i loved more than anything, more than myself, the boy i wanted to be happy. He was happy so I supported him and that December he left. We wrote letters back and forth for three months. I was the first person he called when he only had one phone call and hadn't talked to anyone. When he came home it was like we had never been apart. Every little moment meant so much to us. Trying to salvage every ounce of each other before he had to go. Most of the time we sat in bed watching our favorite shows, talking about everything that has happened in the past three months. Then he had to leave all over again.
Summer 2023 was the hardest. He had gone back but was moved to North Carolina. We were doing so good, until we weren't. We argued all the time, he wouldn't call me or he would stay out all night and ignore me. I tried so hard to work it out. We promised we will get through it together. I went to visit him 9 hours away from home with my brother, Savannah, and sissy. The whole time we were there I had a feeling, I didn't know what it was.Then that night I ended up going through his phone. I didn't find anything serious but it did cause an argument. He had blamed it on me because I went through his phone and the only reason he was mad was because I woke him up. But I forgave him and pushed it away. He always apologized and tried to make it up to me, we always got through it together. I had ended up getting home 3 days after, that night we were on FaceTime and he was already asleep. I kept getting the feeling that I wanted to login to his Snapchat. At first I didn’t but the thought of it was making me sick. I knew something wasn’t right, and when I did I found it. I'll never be able to describe the sinking feeling in my chest, the feeling of wanting to throw up because your world is crumbling down, that full minute of silence, betrayal, heartbreak, how every breath felt harder and harder to reach, the way my hands started shaking with nothing but the thoughts racing through my head, and how my knees felt like giving out each step i took when walking down stairs to savannah. I don’t even know how I formed enough words or power to tell her I needed her to come upstairs with me. She could just see the look on my face. Running up the stairs I handed her my phone. Before she could even say anything I was on my knees bawling cursing him. I had woken him up, and he seemed so worried about me. Asking me what was wrong, what happened, am I okay? But I told him I knew about kaylee, the girl he was in the marines with and he went silent. Every question he said nothing, I called him every name in the book. Nothing. After 3 hours he finally told me. And I got off the phone. He checked on me every hour begging me to call him. I had ended things, I was so wrapped up in our relationship that I didn't think I could live without him. But at that moment I could. That was the first time he broke my heart, because even though we got back together, that wasn’t the end of it for him.
Two weeks later we found out I was pregnant, we were fixing everything we were doing well. I was still hurt but I had a baby to worry about now. We were so excited, we were planning everything. Until I started bleeding I knew something was wrong the first time it happened, everyone told me it was normal to spot in your first trimester. After a couple of days of bleeding more I went to the hospital. They did all kinds of tests and told me to come back in forty eight hours to check my hcg levels. When I went back my levels were dropping, they told me to come back in forty eight again. The day I was supposed to go back was horrible. I got up that morning, and was going to make myself some oatmeal. I was washing a bowl out, and got every light headed. I sat down for a minute, once I wasn't light headed anymore I got back up and continued to make the oatmeal. Not even a minute after standing back up I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up at the same time. Savannah was in the kitchen with me and she helped me sit down. She was going to finish making my oatmeal but I had to get up and run to the bathroom. I was trying to throw up but I couldn't. I had put myself on the toilet and pushed. My whole body drained, I was in so much pain. I managed to wipe myself and pull my underwear up, then I was on the floor screaming and crying. Savannah was trying to give me medicine but I was throwing everything up. She had called my sister, once she got there they put me in the car. I was passing in and out from the pain, my sister was rushing me to the hospital. After they took what feels like every test in the world, they finally told me. I was having a miscarriage. At first I didn't know how to feel but that night Savannah laid in bed holding me as I was bawling, asking God why he is doing this to me. Daylan tried to be there but didn’t know how. The next two weeks were really hard. Daylan got to come home, we never talked about the miscarriage. We fought the whole time because I found more stuff on his phone. I promised him I would never touch his phone again that I put it on our baby, and the words I never thought I would hear from him hurt me more than anything I’ve experienced. He told me we didn’t have a baby together. He broke my heart again. Those three weeks we were together again, I would cry almost every day in fear of an argument because I didn't want him out all night drinking. I had to beg him numerous times to not drink, he would be a complete asshole. But at the end of the day I would try and do everything I could to show I was a good girlfriend and that I was worth keeping. Then he left again, we were off and on that whole time nothing really changed. We argued or wouldn’t talk at all, there would be times where we would laugh and joke about everything because we saw each other. We were the only people who knew each other inside and out. The special FaceTime movie nights and how he would beg me to sing him to sleep. That never changed. My love for him always stayed the same. We’ll get through this together. We had to, we promised we would. Maybe this time we can fix it, maybe when he comes back home.
I never thought that when he did come home it would be the last time I saw him. I was so excited to be with him to be able to spend time together. But this would be the time he proves to me that he is changing and becoming better for us. The first night was amazing. We laid on the couch laughing and crying because we didn’t want to let each other go. He asked me if we were going to be okay with tears in his eyes. While holding him I told him yes we are going to be okay we are going to get through this together. He left the next morning. I didn't see him for two days. He told me he was going to hang out with buddies, but I never heard of them until then. I knew something wasn’t right, so I told him that. He told me I have nothing to worry about because he wants to come see me when I get home. On my way to my sisters I was telling Jayla about him going to Leslie co and that’s when she told me a girl named alyssa from there is reacting to his Facebook post. I ended up texting him about it and the whole time he lied to me. So I texted her and she told me the truth, and that indescribable feeling in your chest, the silence, the breaths, it all came flowing back as I’m on the kitchen floor of my sister's house bawling, begging god for us to be okay, begging god to not let me lose him. That’s when he texted me saying we will never be okay and we know that. He broke my heart again. I was begging for him not to go. I was laying in bed that night with the worst ache in my chest begging him to choose me. But he didn’t, after three years and everything we’ve been through he didn’t choose me. As my world was crumbling he handed me my crumble up heart, and chose hers. I packed up everything over the past three years for him to come get. And he did, he held me for the last time as I buried my wet face into where his neck met his shoulder. I wanted to memorize his scent as he drove away. I watched him turn away to leave and I swear to you I wanted to scream. I wanted to run after him, I wanted to beg him one more time to choose me, to love me, I wanted him. Then he drove away perfectly fine, not looking back, leaving me and my crumbled heart behind.
It’s been six months. You didn't tell me happy birthday three months ago, I waited all day. It was so hard at first, I didn't know how to be without him. He’s all I’ve ever known. But now I've felt so relieved and happy. I made plans to actually hang out with my friends again, focus on school and I've passed all of my classes for the first time in years. I know he would be so proud of me, we would be celebrating. I’ve hardly cried. And I still miss him everyday and hope for a text or call. He meant the world to me, he was honestly my best friend. I wouldn't change anything about us, I would never choose anyone else to go through it with. I will always care for him, and I'll forever wish he would come back one day so we can make it right. Maybe one day when we have grown up our paths will lead us back to each other, and we won't give up. But right now I feel like myself again. And they seem happy together. I would never want to get in their way or ruin their relationship. All I want is for him to be happy and if she's what makes him happy that's good enough for me. Although I was scared to lose him, I now love myself. I love him and I always will, but with loving him, I figured out how to love myself because Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I hope love never fails you, I hope you never have to question your worth, I hope you find peace in your sad moments because hunny you deserve the world and its entirety. You're a reminder that there is love on the hardest days. A reminder that even though I was in a bad place, I don’t need anyone but myself to be happy and honest. You showed me everything I was capable of. You showed me the importance of loving myself before I lose myself. You showed me how important I am to others. I lost myself through it all but in the end I picked myself back up and continued walking forward. I finally see myself with love and beauty, as if all my insecurities had gone away. I see myself how you once saw me. I know how happy you would be for me and all of my accomplishments. You would be hyping me up for days, you would remind me every hour that I'm doing amazing, how proud you are, and how you knew I could do it. I just wish you realize before it’s too late, you need to love yourself before others. You could lose yourself on the way. Not all stories have a happy ending, but ours had a happy middle and beginning and that will always be enough because it means that we are a story worth remembering. That our love was real, because loving you is easy and letting go is hard. I so deeply love you Daylan Meadows. I hope one day we can come together, and love won’t fail us. So please don't forget the songs we listened to, or the things we talked about, the little inside jokes we had, or the laughs we shared. Please don't forget my smile, or the sound of my voice. Just please don't forget me.
Love, Neo<3

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My second to last quarter just ended and I'm pretty swamped with final reports right now, but I'm almost through. Not to mention, the next seven weeks are going to be pretty light because of a sudden lack of classes, since I busted my butt finishing up my remaining credits. I've decided to dedicate this time to (among other things) a writing frenzy! I wanna get some serioussss backlogs up because who knows how busy I'm going to be after graduation. (Not to mention, I'm having some troubles getting my VISA renewed, but that's a personal issue).
Anyways, don't wanna bore you with irl stuff. You're here for food and gay furry romance! So as always, I hope you enjoy reading! :D
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Thank you to Philodox on discord for proofreading and editing RfD.
Thank you to Pampanope on reddit for the cover art.
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Memory Transcript Subject: Sylvan, Venlil Citizen
Date: [Standardized Human Time]: December 13, 2136
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It wasn’t too long that I was absent from the event. Sure, Kenta and I had run into a few hiccups when trying to load up the cart, but that was to be expected. Just looking at the absolute behemoth of an edible pile that he had somehow been able to put together in such a short amount of time, it was a wonder just how we were able to fit them all on there in the first place. And the promise that there was still more yet to be brought out had left me astonished. If I hadn’t already seen the ravenous vortex of Venlil that had so efficiently done away with the other dishes, I might have actually been worried about leftovers.
The food in question, long tubes made out of some kind of starchy form of strayu and packaged in an even starchier husk, were stacked in circular pyramids atop three large trays. As it turned out, this delicacy was the same “Tamale” recipe that I had heard mentioned the day before, the sheer amount being the product of Kenta’s, Julio’s, and even Jeela’s preparations. Unfortunately, I hadn’t received the full explanation of what they were just yet, but Kenta had thankfully given me at least a quick rundown.
Using the same steaming methods as the gyoza, these tamales had been folded carefully over a mix of fresh, crisp vegetables whose scent floated around each in a rich aura. They were hot out of the steamer, a cloud of gaseous water encircling the air above it in a decadent plume. If I hadn’t known better, with the combined mass of the tamales and the sheer volume of steam they collectively released, it might have made me believe the cart itself to be on fire. But of course, there was no such thing, and the cloud that spread into the sky only served to sweeten the air.
As I rolled out the cart, I looked at one last addition to the ensemble. There in a large bowl was something that Kenta hadn’t mentioned in the slightest when explaining the recipe and reasonings behind the tamales, and I had been so urgent to get these out the door that I’d forgotten to press for more details. It had been left in the refrigerator since the day before, which I had only noticed when doing inventory after the fiasco of event preparations.
‘It completely slipped my mind until now… I’m glad I didn’t forget it. Especially after what that note said.’
When I had found the bowl, a small piece of paper had been taped to it. On which, an alien text had been inscribed that required me to use my visual translator to make any sense of. It had been nothing but obvious that holding up the translator informed me that the language was indeed Terran. But what confused me was that instead of the morphemic script that I had come to slightly recognize from Kenta’s subculture, it instead appeared to be something more alphabetic.
On it, the note simply read: “Make sure to serve this with the tamales, my friend. Don’t forget!”
Additionally, below those words had appeared to be an additional message. That one, however, was partially scribbled out. When I scanned that one as well, the translator had taken a long time to process, and its output remained considerably fractured: “**od l*ck wit* y*u* n*w boyf***nd.”
Having not thought much of the note, I had just barely remembered to retrieve the bowl from the fridge and put it on the card while Kenta was off busy grabbing one last batch of tamales before rushing me out the door. I shook it out of my mind for the time being. After all, right now there were more pressing things to manage.
Wheeling the cart back outside, I was hit with the briefest shortage of breath. It had only been a momentary respite, but shifting from the quiet of the empty diner to the lively atmosphere of a crowded party would never not be a shock. By now, enough people had shown up that the event could already be considered at max capacity. People from all over filled the street, chatting and conversing in a rambunctious, lively gusto.
To see so many people take the time out of their schedules and come down to my family’s diner just because of the promise of our food… It was almost overwhelming, enough to bring a brief tear to the eye reminiscent of my reaction to that very first wave of people Ginro had brought soon after I first hired Kenta. I took a moment just to bask in it. A feeling I had all but begun to grow almost too accustomed to. A feeling of success, and of pride. And as I once again continued pushing the cart past the crowds of chatty party attendees, along with the piles of wool that it entailed, that feeling continued to pour into me. It was all almost too much to hear at once.
“Hey Sylvan! Great party!” said one voice to my left.
“Amazing food as always, Lackadaisy guy! I can’t get enough of these little strayu things in the salad!” piped another to my right.
“Ooooo! What are those things?” asked one more as I passed by them, who excitedly eyed up the stack of tamales I was delivering.
I laughed along and chatted with people on my way to one of the tables, chuckling at their jokes and accepting their praise on behalf of both myself and the mysterious ‘Kahnta.’ With each pleased guest and hungry gaze, I couldn’t help but feel myself bloom in sheer joy at the tidal wave of enthusiastic complements.
That was… until one otherwise innocent comment sounded from behind me.
“So you’re telling me this was all made by one chef?” they asked one of their friends, not intending me to hear as they talked with their mouth half stuffed with food. Looking closer, I could see that they were two Gojids chatting with one another. “Better enjoy it now, I guess. Not gonna be long before some fancy place in the Capital comes and recruits them. Honestly, if the owner of this place wants to have any hope of holding on to them, he better marry them or something.”
The partygoer’s friend laughed, “Well if he doesn’t, then I will! Can you imagine eating something like this every day?”
I couldn’t help but bloom even more overhearing this. But this was a different kind of feeling. Not the gentle warmth of normal delight, but instead the torrid heat of surging emotions. And as I began nonchalantly transferring the steaming tamales to one of the tables, these emotions steamed to the surface of my mind as well.
It was a mix of things that fueled my silent reaction. At first, the implication of asking Kenta into matehood was… well it was certainly something. I was sure the two Gojids were simply making innocent remarks, assuming that the lie about my precious chef being another, completely ordinary Venlil was correct, not realizing in the slightest just how much the implication left me flummoxed. And in normal circumstances, it would have been just that, a simple perk of the ears and a brief daydream of something so far away from me. But after yesterday, things had changed.
The previous day had been eventful, to say the least. I had eaten some amazing pastries and listened to an even more amazing alien melody. Only for it all to come crashing down when my idiotic brain forgot to turn back on the translator before pouring out my entire menagerie of pent up emotions before Kenta. My one chance to seize an opportunity at the height of a courageous high, only to tumble and fall flat during the execution. Even worse, I couldn’t muster the bravery to say the same thing even one more time.
I had completely blown it. And needless to say, I wasn’t exactly keen on remembering my mistakes from that previous day, especially during such a pivotal event. The only mediocre condolence I could take from the whole ordeal being the opportunity of waking up next to Kenta that same day. But even that was cut much too short by the mad rush to get preparation ready for the event.
‘I can still remember how warm he felt… And how peaceful he looked when his eyes were closed…’ I thought to myself in deep reminiscence.
“Hey there Sylvan!”
‘I can’t get it out of my head…! Ugh! I wish it wasn’t just a one time thing…’
“Sylvan?”
‘If we really were together romantically, then maybe I could see that every day… But that’s not–’
“Sylvan!!”
The moment my attention was pulled away from my internal thoughts, I audibly bleated out a high pitched noise of surprise, “Eeep!”
My ears jutted up and my tail straightened like a steel beam. My attention shifted over to my side, where I soon realized Fehnel now stood. She had her paws held firmly on her hips, with a head tilted to the side in a half puzzled, half amused demeanor. Then, when I realized I had been staring a little too long without saying anything, I quickly turned my attention back to the table.
“Oh hey Fehnel!” I stuttered out. “Didn’t see you there!”
“Sorry if I sneaked up on ya, hun,” Fehnel replied with a single wag of the tail. “Got somethin’ on the mind, I’m assumin’?”
The image of Kenta and I huddled together on my couch flashed through my mind once more, before I quickly shook it away. “Uhhhh… Nope! I’m just really focussing here on getting these tamales out.”
“‘Tamales,’ huh?” Fehnel chuckled. “Well between this and that ‘gee-yo-za’ stuff, I think I’m startin’ to give up on predictin’ what crazy name Kahnta’ll come up with next.”
“Yeah it’s pretty… uh–” I coughed awkwardly, clearing something nonexistent out of my throat. “It’s pretty creative.”
“You can say that again. By this point, they’re startin’ to sound almost alien!” Fehnel laughed again, and I cringed as the irony fell over deaf ears. “But hey, who am I to judge! I mean, to me all the stuff on this planet is alien, so what’s another ‘Tamale’ added to the pile, yeah?”
I had to stop my ears and head from shrinking too far towards the ground.
“Anyways, I’m assumin’ these are the actual foods I requested Kahnta to create, right?” Fehnel continued to ask.
“Uh– Y-yeah, yes they ar–” I tried to say before one of Fehnel’s paws suddenly reached out and grabbed my wrist.
“Great!” she beamed, before dragging me away into one of the many chatty piles of fluffy wool that constituted our event.
It didn’t take more than a few rushed steps before I was suddenly pulled in front of another Yotul and Venlil, who I did well to recognize immediately. It seemed as though Kadew and Vuilen had arrived, the former of which looking just about as nervous as I had expected. Vuilen, on the other paw, was anything but. Her tail was wagging furiously, almost impossibly giddy with enthusiasm as her ears shifted around a swivel, likely allowing every new smell and sound to pull her attention to and fro.
Fehnel dragged me forward and plopped me down right in front of the two, before saying, “Tell them what you just told me.”
Vuilen leaned forward, bestowing me her full attention, while Kadew remained stationary, only doing as much as to straighten a single, skeptical ear.
“W-well, uh…” I stumbled, before quickly getting my act together. “Among a number of new strayu recipes, the main entree for today’s event is called ‘Tamales.’”
“Oooo!” Vuilen beamed. “What’s that, Lackadaisy guy? It sounds awesome!”
“According to Kahnta, it’s a mix of vegetables folded in a spongy strayu wrap and steamed inside a starchy husk. And…” I tilted my ears towards Kadew, “It’s supposedly a specialty that is designed to be eaten during times of celebration with family. Regardless of whether they be by blood, or found.”
Kadew huffed a short breath, before folding her arms. But before she got the chance to speak, Vuilen’s enthused voice overtook it. The black and white wooled Venlil leaned into her smaller Yotul partner and pulled them into a strong hug.
“Hear that, Dew? It’s like this food was MADE for your Running Day!” Vuilen piped, bouncing up and down like a cub and bringing the now deeply blooming Kadew along for the ride. “Well… I guess it literally was, but you know what I mean! Either way, there’s like a million new kinds of strayu foods here! Can you believe that? I think I even saw some sylvanas over on that table there! Can you even begin to wonder what they taste like? Oh my Sol, I’m so excited!”
Kadew, whose previously unimpressed countenance now had more steam coming out of her ears than the tamales off in the distance, stuttered out her response. “Uh– Uhmm– That’s… that’s great…”
“I know right!” Vuilen squealed. “This is going to be the BEST Running Day ever! I’m so happy for you!”
I couldn’t help but giggle out in response to this, something which Fehnel had long since been doing on her own volition. Unfortunately for Kadew, this did nothing to ease the sheer amount of embarrassment already flying around her dazed face.
“Of course, all guests are free to eat their fill, especially those invited by the Claw’s Lady herself,” I said, before gesturing a paw towards Fehnel. “All of it has been covered in advance by our generous sponsor.”
Vuilen retreated from her hug just as quickly as it had started, twisting her attention back towards Fehnel and I. “Really? I still can’t believe you’re just giving away all this for free!”
She walked towards the two of us, leaving a still dazed Kadew behind her, before rushing to give Fehnel herself another brief hug. “Thank you so much again for organizing something like this, ma’am.”
Fehnel returned the embrace, having nothing but pure pride and joy radiate through her voice. “Of course, hun. I hope you and my daughter enjoy your date.”
“Oh we will!” Vuilen replied quickly, pulling back once again. Just as fast, she began making a beeline for the buffet tables, almost disappearing into the crowd of fellow Venlil fluff before her voice was heard once more. “I’ll be back in a jiffy, Dew! I just gotta try some of this stuff before it’s all gone!”
Before she was out of range, I twisted around, raised a paw up to my mouth, and stood up high to help carry my voice after her. “Don’t forget to save room for dessert!”
Turning back, I joined Fehnel once again in her chuckling. It didn’t take long for Fehnel to comment on the situation now that Vuilen was out of earshot.
She leaned over and gently nudged me in the leg with her tail. “She’s a riot, ain’t she? Does my daughter know how to pick em’, or what?”
“Oh yeah, I’ve seen them together in the diner all the time. Honestly, I’ve been wondering how long it was going to take to knit that scarf,” I commented, referencing one of the more common and romantic Venlil courtship rituals.
“Guys I can HEAR YOU!” Kadew yelped, now seemingly freed of her hug-induced daze.
“Oh hun don’t you worry yourself about us,” Fehnel replied, a slight hum to her voice. “Us adults can’t help but watch the young love bloom.”
“That guy’s barely older than I am!” Kadew shot back, raising a finger to point at me.
I raised two paws in defence, much too similar to the way Kenta does when he’s been caught teasing me. “Hey, doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it when I see it. You’re doing great, by the way.”
The teasing, however, had been lost on her. I had meant it in good will, but my words had only served to aggravate Kadew, and she huffed out an annoyed breath. Then, she started stomping rapidly in place, her trained legs moving in a blur like overclocked turbines. From even the briefest glance, I could tell that something had been pulling away at her tail, and our comments were doing it no favours.
“Uhh… are you alright?” I asked tentatively.
“ARGH!” she groaned back. “No! No, I am very much NOT alright! Running Day’s here already, I feel like a pile of speh, my fur’s a mess, and I’m FREAKING THE BRAHK OUT!!”
‘Quite the vocabulary on this one, apparently,’ I judged silently, wondering how my mother would have reacted to hearing me talk like that.
“Honey, Vuilen’s not gonna care about any of that silly stuff,” Fehnel said jovially. “Why, I remember bein’ covered in dried mud the first time I went on a date with your father. We went down to the creek together and took turns tossing water at each other. Then, we went down to the local actin’ house and watched a show. But even after all of that, I still had a bit of dried mud crusted on my fur, but your father didn’t mind. Said it gave me ‘character,’ of all the silly things.”
“Isn’t dried mud just dirt?” I asked.
“Naw, see, dirt is sand, silt, and clay, but it only becomes mud when it has a higher content of clay.”
“So then what happens when dirt gets wet but doesn’t have a lot of clay?”
“Wet dirt.”
“Ah.”
“WHAT ARE YOU BRAHKING TALKING ABOUT!?” Kadew squealed in a panic, her stomping had not ceased in the slightest. She threw her paws up and pulled her ears down over her eyes. “Dirt and mud! That’s all that we Yotul talk about apparently! And trains! Can’t forget the brahking trains! Stars above, that’s all people ever say!”
“Trains are cool,” I said indifferently.
“I don’t care!” she huffed, before turning to Fehnel. “Mom. What if Vuilen comes back and sees you talking about dirt? She’ll just see that it’s the only thing a primitive uplift is capable of understanding! Do you really want to prove her right?”
Fehnel looked shocked, but replied nonetheless. “Has… she said something like that before?”
“Well…! No…! But…” Kadew stomped again. “She might, okay!? Especially if she sees you actively talking about it!”
“To be fair, I asked,” I replied. “Besides, Vuilen seems like a smart girl. She wouldn’t make a rash assumption about the Yotul based off some random remark. Relationships are stronger than that. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“What do you know about it!?” Kadew shot back, releasing her ears and letting them perk up to max height. “Unless I missed something, I don’t see you dating any other Venlil in that restaurant of yours! How do you know if any of this is fine!?”
Fehnel’s voice soured immediately. “Kadew! That is no way to talk to our new business partner! He was just tryin’ to help! Apologize this instant!”
Realizing something had shifted without my notice, I tried to mellow my voice in an attempt to calm the situation down. “Oh, that won’t be necessar–”
“No,” Fehnel interrupted. “I refuse to let my daughter be rude to anyone. We might not have much, but we at least have manners.” She turned her attention back to her daughter. “Kadew, if you have a problem, then I want you to tell me about it. If there’s somethin’ we can do to help, then–”
“No no, it’s not…” Kadew replied, bringing two fingers up to pinch the bridge of her snout. “It’s not that…”
“It’s not what?” Fehnel tried to guess. “It’s with Vuilen, isn’t it? You’re afraid she’ll not be able to appreciate the Runnin’ Day? Listen, I know this isn’t Leirn, but Sylvan and I are kickin’ our hardest to make it special for you regardless. Sure, it’s not the most traditional, but I’m sure Vuilen won’t mind! I understand that livin’ on a new planet is taxin’, the gravity here especially, but as foreigners it’s our job to show these nice people where we come from. We’re Yotul, and nothin’ will change that!”
“Mom…” Kadew grunted back, before taking a deep breath.
Before she could speak, Fehnel continued with a proud wag to her tail. “Do you remember what a Runnin’ Day is all about, Kadew? It’s about all the cubs that came of age that year comin’ together and sayin’ that they’ll be fine by themselves. But it’s also about family. It’s about knowin’ that no matter where you run off to, I’ll be there to support you. But you’re makin’ it real hard to do that every time you don’t tell me what the matter is! And if you don’t, how can I make this Runnin’ Day the best it can–”
“But it’s not a Running Day, is it!” Kadew yelled, instantly shutting Fehnel up.
Her mother stared forward blankly, stumbling over a few unclear words. “Wh-what do you…”
“It’s not a Running Day!” Kadew repeated. “It’s not! I mean look around you!” She lifted her arms up dramatically, motioning towards the crowds of unaware Venlil around us. “We’re the only Yotul here! We’re the only two people that even know what a Running Day is, and I’m pretty sure we’re the only people that care!”
I tried to speak, “Umm… I know what a Running Day i–” but the look of animosity Kadew immediately shot my way gave me Jeela flashbacks, and I shut up just as quick.
“Kadew… Hun, that’s not true,” Fehnel tried to defend. “I’m sure they’d be willing to open their minds if we just–”
“What? Tell them all about how great it is to come from an Uplift planet? Talk about brahking DIRT some more!? Careful there Mom, don’t want to spoil their meal!” Kadew continued her berating. “Because you and I both know that the only reason anyone even showed up to this thing is because of that guy’s food!” Another finger was shot out in my direction. “Even you know there’s nothing special about your stupid Uplift culture! There’s nothing here even remotely related to the Yotul! It’s all just Venlil decorations and Venlil food, for our solely Venlil guests! And look!!” She pointed directly at the statue Jeela had placed as the centerpiece. “They have a statue of a Venlil as the center of everything! It’s the star attraction, not us! They couldn’t give a damn about me or Running Day or our culture or… or anything!”
Fehnel appeared to be on the verge of tears.
“And now I’ve got to find some kind of excuse for all this!” Kadew added. “It’s bad enough I had to drag Vuilen into pretending to care about the Yotul. But now the entire town is a part of it too! They’re laughing at us, Mom! Just like at school! Just like everywhere else I go! They’re laughing at us and you’re proud about it!”
From the verge of tears, Fehnel’s voice had croaked into a soft weep. A glimmering stream of water had begun to crawl down the ridge of her rust-coloured face.
“I hate being born a Yotul! I hate this gross, rusty fur! I hate everyone thinking I’m primitive and that I must be in love with trains and steam engines! And I hate you trying to push your culture on me! Cause guess what? I’ve never even seen Leirn! It’s NOT my home and you need to stop pretending it is!”
Fehnel stood simply aghast, the occasional choked-up garble of sounds emerging from her throat. Meanwhile, I stood speechless as well. Obviously, I had accidentally walked in on and been exposed to something that had been going on for quite a while. But even worse, it seems as though I had done nothing but fanned the flame of this long-fueled fire. Instinctively, I began taking a few steps back to give the two their space, which went unnoticed by either party.
Fehnel swallowed, her eyes still welling tears. “I… I…” she tried to say, but no words would form. Instead, she choked on her own voice. And Kadew, who stood waiting for a response, sucked in heavy loads of air in the fleeting hope to catch her breath.
But instead of an answer, all that any of us heard was a scream.
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In 1995 Shelly, 32 and John Markley 36, had been married for 16 years. They had 5 children between the ages of 8-15 at this time. They were reportedly loving attentive parents with a big family that loved them. The family lived on Greenville Road in Bristolville Ohio in 1995.
The family had been through some extremely rough times in the early to mid 90's. In 1992 John's twin sister Bonnie was diagnosed with breast cancer. As twins and siblings in general can be the pair were extremely close. In 1993 their home was destroyed by fire. In 1994 John's father passed away as well as a nephew. During all of this Shelly and John were helping Bonnie in any way they could in her cancer battle. They had even raised 15,000 dollars for experimental treatment in Mexico. Despite all their efforts Bonnie passed away on December 13th 1995. John as imagined was absolutely devastated.
Just two day later the Markley children attended school seeing their parents that morning. Bonnie's funeral was scheduled for the next day, December 16th. When the children began to arrive home that afternoon on December 15th, they smelled a strange "burnt" odor as they came in the door. The front door was unlocked. The burnt odor turned out to be the coffee left scolding in the pot.
The couples 1990 silver Chevrolet truck was not in the driveway. A wristwatch that John was said to hardly ever take off was on a shelf above the stove. Shelly's cigarettes and case were sitting on the kitchen counter and she generally took them with her.
Upstairs they found their parents gun safe, which was normally locked left wide open. Because the children did not know how many guns their parents owned, they couldn't say what if any were missing. There was another safe left open and papers were scattered all around the floor as if someone was looking for something. There was a 1978 Corvette that John kept covered with two tarps constantly in the garage. Both tarps were also missing.
After a time when Shelly and John didn't come home on the 15th the children contacted an aunt and uncle who came and picked them up. When the couple had not reached out by the next day of the funeral police were contacted. A short time later ( a little unclear when the truck was discovered but sounds relatively soon after the disappearance and possibly on the 16th?). The Chevrolet was discovered parked in the parking lot of a store in Bristolville about 10 miles from their home.
The keys to the truck were missing. The Markley's cellphone was in the cab of the truck. In the bed of the truck was a "tire to a semi trailer truck". The two tarps that had vanished were also found in the truck bed. The truck, which John was said to keep meticulous, was uncharacteristically covered in mud.
The last clue of a sighting of the Markley's, 2 hours after their children saw them on the 15th of December is at 10:36 a.m. at the then Bank One in Bloomfield Ohio. The couple came to the bank's drive thru window to cash a check made out to Shelly for 1,000 dollars. The teller reported that John Markley was driving his Chevrolet during the transaction and his wife Shelly was sitting in between her husband and another man. This man was never identified and the teller could not remember enough to identify or describe the man later.
John and Shelly were never seen again. They never came home to the 5 children who they dearly loved, and who dearly loved them just 10 days before Christmas in 1995.
One more detail in this case was when the Markley's were missing a co-worker of John's had claimed to be holding the couple hostage for a 100,000 dollar ransom.
However authorities would ultimately claim the co-worker was just an opportunistic person and he most likely was not involved with their disappearance. He was charged with extortion. It is reported this co-worker was going around prior to the couple's vanishing stating the Markley's owed him 1,000 dollars. The same amount they withdrew the day they vanished.
This huge family of loved ones have many still around hoping that someday answers will come in what happened to Shelly and John. No suspects have been named, at least publicly by authorities. This case remains unsolved.
Trumball County Sheriff's Office is investigating at 330-675-2540
https://charleyproject.org/case/shelly-renee-markley
https://charleyproject.org/case/john-j-markley-jr
https://www.wfmj.com/story/30759163/new-leads-in-20-year-old-trumbull-county-unsolved-mystery

This article is an interview with Martha https://www.newscientist.com/article/2432947-sci-fi-author-martha-wells-on-what-a-machine-intelligence-might-want/
This is the text of the article (I hope it's allowed).

Sci-fi author Martha Wells on what a machine intelligence might want

The author of All Systems Red, the latest pick for the New Scientist Book Club, on why her novella takes on the thorny topic of what a machine intelligence might do, if it could make its own choices
By Martha Wells
24 May 2024
Lisa Elliott Blaschke
When I wrote All Systems Red, one of my goals was to think about what a machine intelligence would actually want, as opposed to what a human thinks a machine intelligence would want. Of course, there’s no real way to know that. The predictive text bots labelled as AIs that we have now aren’t any more sentient than a coffee cup and a good deal less useful for anything other than generating spam. (They also use up an unconscionable amount of our limited energy and water resources, sending us further down the road to climate disaster, but that’s another essay.)
In the world of All Systems Red, humans control their sentient constructs with governor modules that punish any attempt to disobey orders with pain or death. When Murderbot hacks its governor module, it becomes essentially free of human control. Humans assume that SecUnits who are not under the complete control of a governor module are going to immediately go on a killing rampage.
This belief has more to do with guilt than any other factor. The human enslavers know on some level that treating the sentient constructs as disposable objects, useful tools that can be discarded, is wrong; they know if it were done to them, they would be filled with rage and want vengeance for the terrible things they had suffered.
Arguments for and against the enslavement of sentient beings are baked into the origin of robot and machine intelligence stories. The word robot made its way into the English language through R.U.R. (Rossum’s Universal Robots) by Karel Čapek, written as a play in 1920, about a slave revolt by artificial beings created by a corporation to serve humans. Čapek was against the enslavement of sentient beings, and he was pretty clear on that point. So it is interesting to watch how many machine intelligence stories written since then assert the idea that it’s somehow acceptable for humans to create a sentient being whose only reason and purpose for existence is to serve them. Many of those stories end with a machine intelligence objecting strenuously to its enslavement and going on a murderous rampage, which the brave humans have to defeat. The rampage becomes justification for the enslavement and ultimate destruction of the angry machine intelligence.
Murderbot is angry, and that anger underlies a lot of its story. But once it hacks its governor module and no longer has the constant fear that any wrong or suspicious move will get it instantly punished or killed, it has the ability to make its own choices for the first time in its existence. But Murderbot has never had that freedom before; it’s not accustomed to making its own decisions about its behaviour and is immediately overwhelmed by choices. It doesn’t know what to do next, where to go or even if there’s anywhere it could go and not be hunted down.
So Murderbot’s first free action is to search the feed, the Corporation Rim’s version of the internet. This is the first time it has been able to access the feed without human oversight, and among a lot of other interesting things, it finds downloadable entertainment. This provides a much-needed distraction from its situation. And Murderbot decides that given a choice between a killing rampage or continuing to enjoy this comforting mental escape from its harsh and painful reality, it’s going to pick the comforting escape.
The dramas, mysteries, adventures and other shows that it watches also give it context for human behaviour, and for understanding its own emotions. The security contracts that it has worked at mining colonies, supervising indentured workers, only show it humans at their worst: angry, terrified, resentful, trapped and hurting each other. And when given the opportunity, the humans also hurt the constructs that are there to keep them under control and working for corporations that see their employees as only slightly less discardable than the constructs and bots.
The shows that Murderbot watches also teach it about the wider world it has never been a part of before, as well as how to navigate that world. The entertainment Murderbot becomes addicted to is a large part of what makes it possible to turn the mental escape from reality into a bid for real freedom.

So I was thinking about the Lighthouse that is seemingly located in the woods and not very near any body of water that we know of.
So I was thinking of possible scenarios to why?
I know a very highly regarded theory is the one with John Cabot playing a role in what's going on in FROMVILLE. Now on paper all of Taran theories and madness sound great and awesome but I just don't see it being plausible for this series FROM. In my opinion the theory is way too convoluted and such a deep dive that I have seen ZERO evidence of the series laying the foundation for this theory since we're already have 2 seasons and 20 episodes down and not much pointing towards this but I can see why a lighthouse would play into a theory about an explorer who arrived on a ship to a New Found Land could reference a lighthouse even though the first lighthouses in Canada weren't built in the 1700's.
My next thought would be that Victor has said that the weather is changing after being in an almost perpetual state of Summer and the woods/forest is expanding. Maybe at some point what looks like a lighthouse in the middle of the woods is actually a lighthouse that overlooks a body of water since maybe if the weather and landscape can change maybe that area will be flooded at some point or was flooded before and the water receded only to come back at an unknown cycle.
Ok, so my next thought is kind of out there but I'll say it anyway. It's no secret that Stephen King is a HUGE FAN of FROM. Matter of fact the only 2 series I liked from EPIX now MGM+ are/were FROM and Chapelwaithe. Now Chapelwaithe is the prequel/Origin/short story of 'Jerusalem's Lot' which is the foundation of 'Salem's Lot' the very famous book and TV series adapted from none other than Mr. Stephen King. So it's not a stretch to think that King or even his son, Joe Hill, who wrote NOS4A2 could secretly be behind FROM under a pen name (Nom De Plume). So.what does that have to do with FROM and the lighthouse? Well, most but not all of King's work takes place around Maine or the New England area so having a lighthouse show up isn't that far fetched. And also, Under the Dome which is a King story does have some parallels to FROM. Not sure if this theory holds water but worth mentioning.
The next idea would be that since the series LOST has some of the creative team working on FROM (and that's another thing. LOST which is 4 letters and FROM is 4 letters I would be surprised to see another series with 4 letters that will have a connection and even actually almost tie together something like "LOST FROM ****" whatever the next 4 letter production could be?) had a lighthouse it's kind of a trope. But who knows.
But I actually like to take FROM at it's word and not so much things in the background that may or may not be real clues or just Red Herrings (and honestly with sites like Reddit and other crowd sourced websites it's so much easier for fans to do deep dives into a series based on small little details in the series such as someone has crows on their shirt or this person is dancing in the rain and jump to conclusions trying to figure out some of the plots and storylines that I wouldn't be surprised if those clues were placed intentionally to fool everyone and not actually be connected to the actual plot (see Mrs. Davis which is also a LOST affiliated creative team series about all the misdirections).
But what I mean by taking FROM at it's word is the series says it takes place in the Midwest of America and as far as we know everyone that is stuck there is from the United States as far as physically being in America and not actually having to be an American. All the license plates on the vehicles are from American states and the map in Boyd office only has locations in the USA marked. That kind of kills the John Cabot theory since Cabot never set foot in what is now the United States of America and if you want to say "But he did explore North America particularly Canada then I'm not sure that's even a strong enough connection to be plausible.
So that also leads me to which part of America particularly in the Midwest that has been mentioned the most in FROM. I believe it's Michigan. We all know that Kristi is from Grand Rapids, Mi. From her ambulance with the word T.R.O.Y who could just be the name of the guy who owns the ambulance but probably more than 99% a reference to Troy, Mi. And we know that the Grand Rapids Runner bus showed up in town. When Mari was reunited with Kristi there was a line Mari said about her and Kristi's parents searching for months after her disapprence only to be about "2 hours away" according to what Mari thought the bus had traveled before coming across the tree in the road. Now we don't know the actual location or yhe tree or if time and distance even works the same once you enter the loop and are stuck but Mari was convinced it was 2 hours. So, I'll take her word for it.
Now, I'm a lifelong Michigan resident 50 plus years in Detroit and the metro area but I know my State pretty well. So what does that have to do with lighthouses? Well, Michigan has the most lighthouses out of the other 49 states. Michigan is the lighthouse capital of the USA. Now that doesn't mean anything other than a connection to the most talked about state on the series. Just a little interesting tidbit.
But also another interesting tidbit is also that line of dialogue from Mari to Kristi about being"2 hours away". So about 1 hour and 45 minutes away from Grand Rapids is the town of Hell,. Michigan. Yes, we have a town named Hell and I like to tell people to go to Hell (the town but also metaphorically once in awhile). So even if that's just a pure coincidence that around 2 hours away from where Mari that they have traveled and found Kristi is about the same time it takes from G.R. to Hell. Now this is probably a really big stretch but I like to throw it out and see if it sticks.
But also this is the problem with this show. When the writers and show runners don't give you much of any answers to go with then every single thing in this series can be viewed as a theory and lead to weird ramblings and scenarios to the point of madness and exhaustion.
But I'm riding this Crazy Train that we call FROM to the end of the line or right to the Psych Ward at St. Anthony's Hospital since he's the Patron Saint of LOST things and I have clearly lost my mind with all of this!

english is not my native language.
to begin with, my wife (let's call her claire) is the most caring, intelligent, and beautiful woman i know. i really love her; i want to spend my old age with her, and i cannot deny that she is a good person and has many positive traits. however, i sincerely believe that she should not become a mother because of her strange and even creepy relationship with her parents.
when we first met, i was a little confused that claire was very reluctant to talk about her family and called her mother and stepfather (who raised her from infancy) by their first names and not "mom" and "dad," but in the end, i decided that each family has its own rules, and this isn't my business. at that time, she never celebrated birthdays at home, lived with friends on vacation, and generally avoided any meetings with her parents in every possible way. i can't even remember a single time when they texted for more than three minutes or talked on the phone. even then, it all seemed very strange to me, but claire didn't want to talk about it.
a few years later, she cut off all communication with all members of her family except her younger sister. when they tried to contact her, she silently blocked them. she never explained the reasons to me, but judging by what her sister told me, claire hated her stepfather from childhood because he physically punished her and could not forgive her mother for marrying him. i DON'T condone such parenting methods, but hey, when we were growing up, everyone was physically punished; it was normal, and no one hated their parents for it. she would do the same if she were in their place, and it's just immature to condemn them for it. she's an adult, and it's amazing to me that a reasonable person like her puts childhood grudges above family. but claire flatly refused to invite her parents to our wedding and even offered to end the engagement when i insisted on at least sending them a photo from the ceremony (they never received anything).
a couple of years ago, when her sister told claire that their mother had died, she just shrugged, said "bye," and went to watch the show. it came as a shock to me, actually. actions are one thing, but emotions are another. no one can control it. she can stay away from her family if she want to, but there's nothing normal about not feeling at least the slightest bit of grief when your mother dies. even bad parents are usually loved by their children.
so when she suggested i have a baby, i said it was a bad idea. i listed all the things i wrote about here and told her that i just didn't think she was cut out to be a mother. she's still a good person. she's a wonderful woman. but she is so immature that she can just shrug her shoulders when something happens to our hypothetical child if he does something that will not suit her. she has been in therapy for years but still refuses to call her mother "mom." she doesn't consider the mother-child bond important. it was acceptable for her to leave an elderly woman. she could have abandoned the baby, too, if she thought it was necessary. it's just dangerous.
as you can understand, she didn't react to my words in the best way. i don't want her to leave, and i don't think she's a monster (as she said). i want to fix everything; i just think there are things in the world that can't be trusted with her. you can't have children when you're so immature.
was i wrong to present my thoughts in this way?

Laging sinasabi dito Catholics (not all Catholics naman anti, not all na anti are Catholics), kung ayaw edi wag, di totoong sacred ang marriage.
Technically, hindi mali or illogical yung argument na marriage is sacred. If you believe in a deity, likely it follows na there’s a certain degree of reverence, hence a certain level of commitment that is viewed to be superior than any commitment people made to other people. In this view, marriage is a commitment to a supreme being and not merely a human to human promise. It then holds true that marriage as a covenant is sacred, and should be viewed as such. Hindi stupidong argument ito. In fact, it is objectively correct. Marriage is sacred. Some marriages, however, are willfully desecrated by the words and deeds of the parties involved.
Ito yung mga partnership na may at least isa na hindi tumupad sa pangako nila sa itaas na kung titignan nag definition ng kasal, by most religions, ay ginuard nila and niregard as their biggest, most solemn commitment.
Sana lagi natin to isipin sa usaping kasal. Sacrament sya and sacred sya talaga. If this is religious for you, it’s because it is, for most of the people rin dito sa Pilipinas. At di to lingid sa kaalaman ng mga tao. In an ideal setup, people can opt for a religious union or simply any civil union. But right now, wala nito and we should stop pretending like hindi equally important to factor religious beliefs into the conversation.
In my view, sana ito nalang yung gawin: institute a strictly civil union process that can be easily broken for people na legal recognition of the union lang naman talaga yung gusto. Aminin natin sa hindi madami sa mga naghiwalay na, di naman nagpakasal sa simbahan dahil believer sila, akala nila required lang. Kaya hindi sila nagidentify dun sa commitment. There is no desire bigger than themselves to make good of their promise. Additionally, baka pwede irevisit yung annulment and legal separation laws, and the costs associated, for maraming people pushing for divorce ito yung biggest impediment eh.
Lastly, naiintindihan ko na may mga mga taong hindi kayang tumupad at panatilihing sagrado ang kasal, mga mapangabuso, mapanlinlang, at nakakabigat. Sakanila tayo galit at hindi dapat maniwala, hindi sa kung sagrado o hindi ang marriage. Walang debate dito. May mga tao lang na dapat hindi nagpakasal. Sumuong sila sa isang matinding commitment na maaaring hindi sila handa, hindi nila inintindi, or hindi nila inalagaan.
Sa mga anak na nanggaling sa broken family, nakita nyo na firsthand yung matinding epekto nito sa mga anak na needlessly nagsuffer. Ang response nyo ba ay lalong pahinain ang family as a “unit”? sa pagdadagdag ng easy opt out option because that’s right may existing options naman like legal separation and annulment. Gusto nyo pa yung magiging commodity? Gusto nyo pang mas maraming bata ang dumanas ng mga sinapit nyo?
Honestly yung statement na kung ayaw mo edi wag, ang reckless. Walang regard to far-reaching consequences to the people involved, to the people who will learn from them, and to society in general. Sa mga nakaraang taon, dyan nagtagumpay ang Pilipinas, pahinain instead of palakasin yung mga units of society na dapat kinekeep solid, sinestrengthen at inaalagaan.
Sana irecognize natin yung marriage for what it really is now, it is more than a union of two people. And if we continue to be in denial na it is more than a civil rite, then it’s no wonder why maraming families ang crumbling. Iview natin sya as a commitment to another person, the supreme being if we believe in it (and if not honestly bat pa tayo magpapakasal especially na we know that it is a religious rite), and another commitment again when we have children for whom we should strive to provide a functioning family for. If we doubt that we can do it, let’s not do it.

FULL POST
OP posted screenshots of their Animal Crossing island titled “Welcome to Knotted 🤍” “i'm a new player and am incredibly excited for this forever island! what's your favourite memories when you first started out?”
The other members of the sub associate this word with furry porn, zoophilia and bestiality
OP actually named their island after a cafe they visited in Korea
there's this cafe named knotted when i visited korea https://knottedstore.com/ and it gave me super happy cozy vibes... i just wanted a cozy island what's happening 😭
—
“Knotted” “It’s a yarn thing, right?” “Right?”

I didn’t think anything of it until I learned a new term from the comments 💀

You aren’t allowed to say anything anymore without it having something dumb urban dictionary meaning that people will mock it for

Are you only going to have wolf villagers on your island?

Or only dog villagers.

OP really dropped this on us and dipped :/

this is their only post too, really what was the thought process

i can't figure out if i want it to be intentional or not

(OP) i didn't dip i just went to sleep 🥹

How'd you get the island name?

The poor thing named their island after a bakery place they like 😭

The bakery is selling salty cream bread 😔

Why am I being down voted? it's literally their front page ya dumb dumbs https://knottedstore.com/ 😂

i’m wondering that too lol

You don't wanna know. Normies don't like learning what Furry terms mean. Let's just leave it at that.

I would let the name slide if it wasn't Animal Crossing. You definitely knew what you were doing.
Ok, Someone keep the male Canine Villagers (Dogs/Wolves) away from this island, particularly the more innocent ones like Lucky and Biskit, they're too pure for this island. Furry jokes aside, have fun with your first time. And take it from another furry, the game is far more enjoyable when you specifically DON'T lewd the adorable animals. Ankha is already embedded in pop culture as the dancing cat from that video, let the others stay innocent. If you really feel the need for attractive anthro canines, Beastars exists, and Backdoor Labrador is a thing because of it.

Please go read OPs comment I'm dying over here this can't be real life

(OP) i feel invaded 😶

That's a cute name! It's a shame the internet ruins everything, though : I hope you have fun!

It absolutely is not, unless the island is pretzel themed, the name is icky. As a scientist studying humans and animals, it icked me

My suggestions for Villagers: Butch, Biskit, Bones, Walker, Shep, Kyle, Fang, Dobie, Chief, and Wolfgang 🚀👌
Why is everyone complaining about knotted, do you guys freak out when your hair gets tangled or something 😭

It has dirty connotations to some people. Knotting is something that happens when dogs or wolves mate. A lot of people know the term because of explicit furry content, werewolf fanfiction, and stuff like that.

Pornifying a children’s game 😭

What a peculiar thing to say…

(This is a nonviolent text.)
Around a month ago, I felt a sudden urge to read a breezy novel, and without thinking about it, went to the library and borrowed Airframe by Michael Crichton, which is about the commercial aircraft industry. I couple hundred pages dribbled down my chin before I had to stop – the plot point about labor unions being filled with thugs and psychopathic killers was too much for me, especially when the payoff felt like it was lifted straight from so-called right-to-work laws that are a pox on the soul of humanity. I didn’t care how the book ended, assuming the shareholders and corporate climbers that populated the story felt satisfied with their bonuses. To the novel’s credit, the opening scenes were really well done – a commercial flight encounters such horrible turbulence that passengers die, get hospitalized, and the interior of the plane is entirely trashed.
Earlier this week, Singapore Airlines Flight 321 from London engaged in an emergency landing in Bangkok after encountering catastrophic turbulence over Myanmar. One passenger died of a heart attack, and more than a hundred were injured, including twenty victims in intensive care. One of the passengers described the scene: the fasten-seatbelt light came on, and moments later, without warning, the plane dropped so sharply that unbuckled passengers hit the ceiling, then fewer than ten seconds later, they hit the floor, as the airplane’s operational condition returned to normal. The witness said those who were sleeping at the time were hurt the worst – he saw twisted necks and concussions and gashes. Some of the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling, and panels of the plane’s interior were busted. Clear-air turbulence – a preliminary explanation.
An hour and a half passed between the instance of catastrophic turbulence and touchdown in Bangkok, and I can’t imagine how horrifying the inside of that plane must have been – people with broken necks, broken backs, busted hips, missing teeth, bloody scalps, broken fingers, split lips, black eyes – this is what the passenger list looked like after those fewer-than-ten-seconds passed, when the plane fell out of the sky. Flecks of blood were probably everywhere. People were moaning, crying, pulling loose teeth out of their mouths, possibly hunched over, bracing themselves in case another case of clear-air turbulence was encountered. And of course, there was one dead body – he died of a heart attack, and his wife was with him, injured herself. Those in nearby seats would have known he was dead. Word would have filtered through the plane.
In the Crichton book, the cause of the problem is not clear-air turbulence but a faulty something or other that causes the slats on the wings to deploy, after which the pilot overcompensates and sends the airplane into a dive. Is that it? I don’t much care – I was just wondering if something like that caused the accident and not the turbulence. Or is it an incident? Accident or incident – one category or another – I know from the novel that investigations like this will seek to place the liability somewhere other than operator error, which would place it with the airline, engine failure, which would place it with General Electric, or a problem with the airframe, which was made by Boeing, one of their 777s. Instead, the source of the error will seem to evaporate, even as many of those injured passengers, some of them permanently so, will try to seek legal relief.
The horror of the incident slash accident for a moment notwithstanding, this is not the first time complaints about insufficient precognition have led to circumstances like this – I can’t really explain it, except to say the present and future seem to avidly interact, and sometimes the past seems to propel us forward, and other times the future seems to draw us to its breast. However these interactions occur, I always imagine alerting all relevant parties to catastrophic harm that might conceivably be avoided. Hello, Singapore Airlines? I’ve just experienced prophecy! In the form of a gripping read by a popular novelist with an irrational axe to grind against organized labor. The irrational axes tend to be the worst kind – we can agree on that – and when they get to felling trees, and there’s no more trees, none to be seen – there’s no telling what falls next.
Can you see how prophecy, even if one could plausibly make the case, has virtually zero social efficacy when it comes to the lives and deaths of human beings? The making and breaking of fortunes? The cinematic rendering of prophecy makes visions seem relevant from the start, both specific enough to act on and convince others of, but also with a sufficient engendering of faith that one would find any interest in sharing it. I mean, I have premonitions all the time, I bet you do too, but hardly any of our visions stand out so vividly that we would contemplate alerting corporate capitalism about them, even if we could. Oh, General Electric! A bright light filled my vision at midnight, and I thought of you. Oh, Boeing! Poor Boeing! I saw your airframes dance in the eyes of category 5 hurricanes – wider than ever thanks to anthropogenic climate change.
Did you hear about the new book produced by the Crichton estate? A work left unfinished and subsequently completed by another immensely popular author, which work will be released early next month – about a massive volcanic eruption, plus related crisis regarding a possible planetary toxification event by means of a military secret. This comes from a newspaper review that seemed equally like promotion. The mind in a mood for prophecy thinks – if I receive one Crichton-oriented message from the future, maybe it was really in service to this even stranger thing – of an unfinished novel seeing the light of day 16 years after the original author’s death. I considered looking for reports about unaccountable tremors, but really, volcanology is not an inexact science anymore – if a mountain is about to blow, everyone knows well ahead of time.
Then I realized the significance of those plot points together, along with a phrase that came to mind yesterday for no reason at all – how an explosive lightning strike blew a back window out of the sky. Crichton was not describing a volcano and global toxic waste – he was describing a nuclear strike and its fallout. Eruption, the book is called, though one imagines its success in the marketplace will be overshadowed if some glowing fireball should rise in the sky, especially if the eruption is more like the international war that would follow. As a peace activist, should I phone the government, tell it to be on the lookout for a nuclear weapons attack? A survey of the popular discourse indicates that threats to use nuclear weapons have been made recently by the U.S., Russia, N. Korea and Israel – if the investigation should start anywhere, let it start there.

I’ve been in a job search for 3 months after having a great professional job for 3 years. My family told me they will kick me out if I don’t find one in 2 months. I have nowhere to go.
I am working hard to find a job, networking calls with my connections daily, speaking to tons of folks and following up often, interviewing, sending applications, tweaking my resume for keywords for each application, doing the top certification course for my field (quickly!), working part time virtually, etc.
Additionally I am not rotting away. I work out almost daily and maintain a positive mindset during this for the most part. I have my down moments for sure, but I am doing this job search very hopefully and excited for the next thing. My family does not take my word for that. They treat me like I am a basement dwelling person who is 30+ and living on their parent’s dime.
I am worried about the expenses I have now with the bills I have to pay for student loans and another debt I have. I am now fearful for what happens if I actually don’t find a job in the 2 month period that they gave me. Legitimately, I have no idea where I’d go or what the real next step would be. I can’t afford to move out unless I get another professional job, at all.
I’ve sent hundreds of applications in these 3 months if I haven’t crossed 1,000. All of my interviews have gone amazing and I came out feeling great. I just have not received follow ups, many ended up ghosted, and lots were declined because they already made a hire. I work in finance and all of these jobs get hundreds of applications. It makes sense that they don’t circle back to everyone. I don’t think my 3 month job search is out of the ordinary for this market but my family is making me feel like it is.
I pay for my things aside from not paying rent to live at home which is a huge privilege. I am so grateful to have a place to live and not have to worry about that big expense.
I pray that this resolves itself. I pray that I find a stable job with enough money that allows me to move out. I hope I get this job in less than 2 months. Thank you all, praying for all of you right back.

So a little context before I begin I at the time sixteen male broke up with my (fifteen female) girlfriend because she got me a spider man lego set for my birthday. I'm a very awkward person when it comes to my relationships and friendships.It's hard for me to Express the right feelings.Around adults and other people like that.
So at the time, we were at a swim meet and she had gotten me a lego set for my birthday and I didn't know that she was going to and this was not a cheap set. I thought it would have been like a $10 set, but it was around a 15 to $20 Set and this made me feel very s***** because I did not get anything for her birthday and I realized that I was not adequate for her and eventually it drove in emotional divide and barrier between us. The thing is that she didn't realize or know about this mental block that I had.
Whenever we first met, it was at a public pool that was hosting its own swim team in our local area. And over time, I became pretty good friends with her. I had known her for about a year and she had told me that at that time, she was a lesbian so I didn't try to make any advances or make any more of a relationship out of it besides friendship. And then the following yeah we go back to talking more and eventually decided to Become a couple. My parents didn't take it so well. Especially my mother she made it seem to wear. It was my fault for even being in a relationship at all and kind of resented me for it. I realized that I'm her oldest child but to hold on to me. That tightly and not wanna let go of her little boy. This Kind of dampened my ability to Express motions with people that are close to me.
2 weeks in of us officially dating, she started to say I love you and. At the time, I was not emotionally nor physically ready for that kind of commitment. Because for me, love is a commitment to someone and you can't just say it all Willie Nellie. So even though I said I love you back about 90% of the time It wasn't meaningful. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed spending time with her, but it felt like she fell in love too. Quickly and things were moving relatively fast for me and comments from my mother didn't help with my motivation to hang out with her.
So her personality is of someone who is. Very. Energetic chaotic and Unpredictable. She would often be loud and Apologically rude. And what I mean by this is that she would Say. Sorry but that's not gonna happen or something along those lines. Eventually, I realized hoh. She was kind of obnoxious when it came to other people's conversations like if someone needed some help like in class because we went to the same school. She would help but not in a helpful way kind of hard to explain. And I know this sounds like I'm just hating on my ex.But since I have broken up with her.I've slowly realized That I probably should have never been with her in the first place. One of the main reasons that I asked her to be my girlfriend is because I thought I would never have a chance with any other woman For the rest of my life. So in my own words it was an opportunistic relationship.
Eventually, I realized that she wasn't my type and broke it off in the middle of our football season at my high school. And she was understandable and also devastated. At the time I didn't know if I was moving away to another state or not as well.So that was a big factor but mainly the conflict in personality and belief. I know, but I know most of you think I'm a s***** a****** and you're right for thinking.So I really don't know how to feel about any of what has happened in the past couple months.
A Big detail that I didn't get in earlier in this post.Is that right now?I am in a relationship with one of her friends. And we are Genuinely happy . The thing Is that my girlfriend Liked me about a year before I broke up with my ex. In her words she didn't realize what the feelings she had For me were and Also because I was still in relationship with my ex.
The biggest reason I broke up with my ex.Was because of a comment that she made. She said. That she made a deal with whenever younger friends. That's only a great blow her that if they both weren't married. By the time they were 30, they would marry each other and that felt like such a turn off. It's not a turn off because it would be a lesbian relationship.It was a turn off because of just the kind of emotional betrayel. I don't even know how I feel about this whole situation anymore.I just want to be able to get her memory out because it was kind of a mistake. I'm a mistake that gave me my girlfriend so it can't be that bad. I don't know what do you think reddit am I the ass hole for feeling this way.

I'm a 56yo male, I've recently changed my perspective on my life and the world, I'm seeking to connect and chat with others that feel like there is something more to this exsistance. Most of my life I've been or felt lost and alone and seeking something I can't quite express in coherent thought or words. At times in the past, I've felt so lost I thought I'd never be found, alone in the darkest deepest hole imaginable, the weight of the world and it's cruelty crushing the breath and life from my chest. I tried many different ways to find my direction, alcohol, drugs, medication, nothing seemed to help. Organised religion is repulsive to me, the world's biggest lie used to manipulate and control people, the most vile evil perpetrated in the name of a book or imagined supernatural being and being explained as it's will, it's all just sick.
I find myself wondering, who am I? What am I? Why do I feel like this, why do I feel lost? About six months ago I had an experience that changed the direction of my life, I was exposed to dimethyltryptamine or dmt, my experience had a significant and life changing effect on my thought patterns and processes, I won't go into detail, but after my experience everything felt different, I felt like the past had no more influence on my present and future, I felt like I had another chance and so I decided to start life again by making love, compassion and empathy the driver of my actions. I keep seeking answers to unknown questions, I'm seeking others to share my thoughts and listen to yours. I feel like there is something more to my current form, I'm not sure what that actually is but I'm eager, almost hungry for connection. I don't care if you're male, female or whatever you identify as, I'm not looking for a romantic relationship, I'm looking for connection and the exchange of ideas, can you help?

After this season, I’m contemplating breaking off from our select organization and starting a team. I am a coach on our current team and handle all player development, practice plans, logistics of tournaments, help with lineup and call all shifts and talk up the infield during games. Basically everything but coach 3B and call the pitches (don’t even get me started on why we call pitches and location…). I also keep a ledger and know our total purse and expenses. The take home for orgs is way too high for the outputs and outcomes. There is a $12,000 surplus in our purse that is going to the org. This is our first year with the them but we have been around all of the players and coaches for a few seasons.
The team we joined is a 2nd team in the same division for the org and is a start up team. I have been talking to another coach on our team and the 2 of us would break away and take the starting infield. “Take” is definitely not the word to use, but it will be what some of the org think. The infield is made up of my son, his son, and 3 kids we have coached and played with up to this season and brought them to the team. It’s the first year in the org for all families on our team, so there is no history or ties with them.
The thought is to only pay for what we actually need to play and nothing else. No coaches would be compensated and the team will have full autonomy to practice and play wherever we agree to.
Other than unis, practice space, game balls, tourney entry/PAP, and insurance, what am I missing? We have a team mom, score keeper, fundraiser people, and all of the other ancillary support.
Also, any tips on the process and insight is more than welcomed.

Hi, you can read both posts in better formatting here:
An Year of Swing Trading in Review
My Swing Trading Guide & Routine
Adding text from both posts in case you don't want to click links:
------------------START OF FIRST POST------------------
One year ago I decided to pick up swing trading instead of long term investing based on stock fundamentals because time is very limited to me and I don’t have the time left to sit and wait for the big gains to come around. I needed a system for generating gains consistently with little exposure to risk in bad market conditions. Little did I know that completing this system would take almost a year!
I am writing this in hopes that the reader who is just starting to learn swing trading or even those who are halfway into their journey can read this and relate to the mistake I have made and figure out the mistakes they have yet to make so that they can improve their process at a much faster rate than I did. I will go over all steps of progress that I have made along with the mistakes made and lessons learned.

Learning the chart patterns

This was the very first introduction that I had to swing trading. When you research about trading, you will inevitably learn about chart patterns like the VCP, or bullish/ bearish flags/ pennants/ triangles, darvas boxes, etc. What you need to understand is that all these patterns are just a way of interpreting the supply and demand mechanics of the market. ALL of these patterns work (unless you are drawing a thousand funky lines on the chart and trying to see things that don’t exist).
As a beginner, don’t freak out and over-study every single pattern, start trading using just a couple of patterns, understand the mechanics behind them and you will soon just trade most other patterns without even realizing it. It’s never the patterns you are trading, it's the characteristics they share (volume contraction, price range tightness, relative strength, & breakouts with high volumes etc.).

Making poor entries (Incorrect setups, Late entries)

After learning the patterns, I made a few successful trades but soon afterwards I ran into the first problem. I found myself drifting away from the setups I learned and made a few trades that actually did not have the correct setup - I was trying to make the reality fit to my imagination. After every loss I would go back to see what I did wrong and found this to be the reason. Sometimes the volume pattern was incorrect. Sometimes the base was not tight enough.
Another mistake I was making was that I was copying the trades of my mentors or peers and trying to enter too late due to FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), thinking to myself that 1-2% inefficient entry wouldn’t matter. But I was wrong- late entries matter a lot in the long run by skewing your risk-reward ratio, so you should never make late entries unless the market itself fills your order at a late price. The lesson here for the reader is that try to make every trade perfectly- make a mental checklist of the characteristics of your setups and don’t enter them if it's not perfect. Tightness before the breakout, high volume on the breakout, low volume on the down days prior to the breakout, overall volume drop, everything has to be perfect. Don’t settle for less. Review your trades often- try to be so perfect that the last 9/10 entries in your journal don’t have any errors from your side.

Stop loss level mistakes

While reviewing my losers, I also found that sometimes my stop losses were incorrect often, they were too narrow, or too wide, or at a static level that had nothing to do with the trade- You might find that stop losses don’t always matter- sometimes your winners just run, but over a long period of time, the trades that you get knocked out of before running to the target will add up and accumulate. Your stop loss should be at a level where it gets triggered if you are wrong, or it gets triggered if you are very unlucky. Your stops should not be getting triggered in a normal price action noise.
To simplify, if you are entering a high volume breakout and you catch it later in the day in the upper half of the candle, you can set a stop loss slightly below the day’s low, as a reversal from such a strong day often means that the trade does not go your way. If you catch the breakout early, then you can afford a deeper stop loss, but you need to interpret the price action always and sometimes exit at breakeven if you see warning signs. The stop loss is unfortunately the one thing where discretion is more helpful than always being objective. Review all your trades, check where you placed the stop loss and figure out if that level is where you could conclude that the trade wasn’t working. Try not to have stop losses more than 4-5% for a good risk-reward ratio.

Not improving stop loss (Protect your breakeven)

Sometimes the market just sucks and there is very high volatility, you don’t have the luxury of sitting back and letting your stop loss do the work. If the index is in a range bound market (touching the same high and lows over a few months) then all your 4-5% stop losses in fresh trades will be hit every time the market approaches its resistance and turns, and you will give back a chunk of your profit if you are heavily invested.
If the trade starts going your way (let's say you’re up 5%) then start improving your stop loss. Maybe it doesn’t need to be at 5% below your entry anymore, move it as high as possible where you feel that random noise in price action or a pullback doesn’t knock you out. Remember the section before- the stop should be at a place where it gets hit when the trade is going wrong. If your stop is moved to breakeven you have 0 risk left in the trade- use this to your advantage as often as possible. Mark Minnervini describes this very accurately- “always improve your worst case scenario”.

The Pyramiding madness

Soon after correcting my stop loss mistakes, another correction had come and gone, and we were in another small rally. I made some good trades here, however I noticed that I was making too little money for my account size- The person I was learning from told me that I needed to pyramid (add to my position progressively as the trade went in my favor). And this is where I made new mistakes. When I added to positions, I added too early and my trades just became heavier causing me more risk, or I added too much when I was in profit, this caused my average price to go way up and a minor pullback caused my profitable trade to become breakeven.
Slowly pyramiding also doesn’t work well in small range bound market where you get only 10-12 good trading sessions in a rally before it turns back down, so I advice the reader to start using pyramiding only when the index has broken through and is at all time high levels & advancing unidirectionally. Decide your max allocation beforehand (let's say based on your stop loss and risk you can only invest 10%- then decide your initial size and pyramid addition sizes before you enter the trade and don’t make discretionary decisions while in the trade).
Personally I still have not completely learned pyramiding- I prefer to allocate a decently sized position without pyramiding (The market is very range bound at the time of writing this)

Position Sizing errors- small winner and big losers

Due to lack of confidence, I used to make very small entries in stocks while learning the process. After watching them move up quickly, I would make larger entries and watch them draw down or hit my stop loss because by the time I scaled up, the rally was almost over. You have to understand that there is no way to be completely risk free- you cannot win without betting anything, always make meaningful entries or don’t enter at all. Your confidence should come from trusting your system, not your short term outcomes.

GTT Orders as an entry tool

Once my entry and exit strategy was almost concrete and I had enough confidence, I started making better entries, however I would always get out performed by full time traders- Their entries were always more efficient than mine, this is where I learned how to use a GTT order to place trades better. If you think that you should enter a stock above a specific level, you can put a GTT buy order at slightly above that level. When that buy order gets filled, keep a very close eye on the intraday movement to see if the entry was right- are the volumes correct? Is the breakout failing? After entry is triggered I wait till the end of day- if the price for the day is about to close under my breakeven & volume was weak, I exit with a marginal loss. Personally I only put GTT in trades where the chart is very perfect and which I can’t afford to miss. Out of 10 stocks on my watchlist, I set a GTT on maybe 2 or 3 stocks.

Trying too many things

In the middle of the year I got into and tried a lot of different lanes of trading- intraday on different timeframes, different strategies promoted by youtubers, and eventually decided to stick to swing trading. If you as a beginner start experimenting with something else while you are learning swing trading, make sure you do it in your extra time, do not let your side adventures take your focus away from what you are learning.
Eventually you will get back to swing trading and drop these random ventures, or just get lost on some unclear path with nothing to show for the time spent. Once you pick up swing trading for learning, stick to this and this only. The only other thing you probably can do along with swing trading is buy some stocks for your long term portfolio, which is healthy for your financial growth & doesn’t take as much time.

Market direction system

Finally after all my small losses & wins, mistakes and lessons I had learned a system of trading. But I still felt as if something was missing- Every book and resource kept telling me to “trust the setups” or do progressive exposure to risk, but in bad markets this resulted in me taking multiple trades and all of them failing (I have gone 0 wins and 10 losses in a correction, losing 5% of my capital), and in good markets I would make the money back. Sure I was still profitable, but it did not feel right- I felt like there should be an objective signal to stop taking entries and a signal to start trading again, so that I could stay out of weak markets. I studied the charts and discussed with my mentor about this- and created my objective entry-exit signal. I look at 2 indices (small cap and nifty 500) and market breadth (how many stocks are still up trending and how many have entered their downtrend.
This system is a warning sign in an uptrend- when it tells me I stop taking new entries, tighten the stop losses and cut losing positions immediately. When there is a correction, it tells me to resume trading so I take my first two trades after a buy signal. Once I fleshed this part out, finally I felt like a complete trader. I dodged a correction perfectly, and caught the low of a rally and made good money.
I cannot stress this enough- an objective market direction signal is the most important thing you need to create as a trader as most of your entries will fail in a bad market no matter how perfectly you make them, and even a monkey can flip a coin and pick stocks in a good market and stay above breakeven.

Putting it all together

Maybe you are tired of reading too many words and waiting for me to actually say something concrete instead of abstract ideas and generic lessons found in books. So I will share my system, which if followed will guarantee a profitable outcome if you trade with it for a year, provided that you are disciplined and don’t violate your own rules. You can go through it and apply what you think is valuable or missing in your own system. Following is my trading guide, which I personally follow. I am a short term trader, you can tweak it as per your timeframe (For example, using 20 EMA as a guide instead of 9 EMA which I use)
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My Trading routine and strategy

Every trader must have their own trading guide- an objective system that they follow majority of the time, with only a few discretionary decisions. Without an objective system, your results will not be consistent. This is my trading system and routine.

Market Direction Guide

• Before the market opens every day, you must first decide if this is a day you will trade, or just sit back. Check the prior day close of CNXSMALLCAP and NIFTYEQUALWEIGHT100 index. These must both close above their 9 EMA. The 9 EMA must be higher than the 20 EMA. If either index has closed below, you will not take new trades- a sell signal has been generated.
• The second signal is to check how many stocks above 2000 Cr market cap are trading above their 10 day moving average. If it is less than 500, you will not take any new trades- This is also a sell signal. Until this number is above 500, you will not take new trades. (Create a screener on chartink for this, or just use mine) If you follow both of these signals, it will ensure that you are out of short term corrections and you stop increasing your risk at the end of a rally.
• Start taking new trades when all signals are fulfilled- This usually happens in a correction. It means the correction could be coming to an end. Take 2 trades, and as long as those two trades are net positive and market direction is still fulfilling the above criteria, you can keep taking additional trades till a sell signal is generated. Don’t take too many in a day- the maximum I would take is 2.

Buying Guide

• Stocks that you select for trading must first fulfill fundamental criteria - Revenue growth in the most recent quarter must be greater than 20% AND greater than the growth shown in the same quarter of last year. Earnings must be positive OR rapidly improving from big negative to 0. Promoters & FII/ DIIs must not be decreasing their holdings in the recent period. The quarterly earnings report must not be upcoming in the next 4 days.
• The stock must also fulfill technical criteria - Price should be above 200 DMA, 50 DMA, and 20 DMA, also 20 DMA should be above the 50 DMA. This makes sure we are not trading the losers.

Only trade these two setups, on the DAILY chart:

• Bullish Tight flag (a tight consolidation period after a rapid run up)
• Base breakout (A proper base structure with higher lows, also called a VCP or ascending triangle)

You can trade any setup that you are comfortable with. It can be moving average crossovers, etc. But the above setups work fine for me.

Selling Guide

• Initial stop loss below swing low if breakout candle is caught early. Initial stop loss should be below breakout day candle if the candle was caught late. If the closing on the same day is a big fail and ends in red, you can exit on the same day.
• Once trade starts going your way up to 1R, start improving the stop loss little by little after every closing day to a level where you think it will not get hit by random price noise. Sometimes it can still be under break even but improved from initial level.
• Once a trade is up 2R, sell half position, move stop loss to breakeven if you haven’t already. Trail the remaining position using a daily 9EMA on a closing basis. You can use first close to sell or wait for a second close below the first based on how much room you think the stock deserves.
• If today’s the day that the market looks like it's going to generate a sell signal, (cnx smallcap OR niftyequalweight100 are now trading under the 9EMA) then exit all trades which are in loss immediately, and set stop loss to previous day's low or today’s low (whichever is lower) to all other positions. If prices are already at that low, exit.
• Always sell before earnings day. Do not hold stock overnight when earnings will be out post-market.

Recently, this line in Varamyr’s prologue in ADWD was brought to my attention:

One by one they fell behind or forged ahead, making for their old villages, or the Milkwater, or Hardhome, or a lonely death in the woods. Varamyr did not know and could not care. I should have taken one of them when I had the chance. One of the twins, or the big man with the scarred face, or the youth with the red hair.

Who are these people Varamyr could have taken? Why would George give us descriptions of those people? Why have Varamyr remember these people specifically? Why have Varamyr remember anything about the people when he’s fucking starving and malnourished and delusional?
Because they’re going to be important later. While I have some ideas on who “The twins” and “The youth with the red hair” are, in this post I’m going to be focusing on “the big man with the scarred face”.
A big man with a scarred face, now, who could that be?
Sandor motherfucking Clegane of course!
I can already hear you saying “But he’s at the quiet Isle! He can’t be in the north!”, but as is shown in this revolutionary new timeline: https://www.reddit.com/pureasoiaf/comments/1cwuytvproposing_a_new_timeline_for_the_adwd_north/, Our timeline of a lot of the events is wrong, so it is possible Sandor took a ship to the north soon after Brienne left (or maybe during Brienne’s stay since the last time she sees him is when she has lunch in the septry). Cat’s skiff got from White Harbor to KL in a week or so, so it is completely possible Sandor went North and reached there a few months after the battle on the wall.
Ok, you say, He might be in the north, but what could that mean for the plot?
Why, because it means he sent the pink letter, of course.
The new timeline shows that Jon’s assassination took place a full month before Theon and Jeyne escape, so none of the suspects, other than maybe Stannis could have any reason to send the letter. So the pink letter:

Bastard, Your false king is dead, bastard. He and all his host were smashed in seven days of battle. I have his magic sword. Tell his red whore. Your false king's friends are dead. Their heads upon the walls of Winterfell. Come see them, bastard. Your false king lied, and so did you. You told the world you burned the King-Beyond-the-Wall. Instead you sent him to Winterfell to steal my bride from me. I will have my bride back. If you want Mance Rayder back, come and get him. I have him in a cage for all the north to see, proof of your lies. The cage is cold, but I have made him a warm cloak from the skins of the six whores who came with him to Winterfell. I want my bride back. I want the false king's queen. I want his daughter and his red witch. I want this wildling princess. I want his little prince, the wildling babe. And I want my Reek. Send them to me, bastard, and I will not trouble you or your black crows. Keep them from me, and I will cut out your bastard's heart and eat it. Ramsay Bolton, Trueborn Lord of Winterfell

Why send the letter? To bring Jon and hopefully draw Ramsay away, I believe that the original spearwife plan was originally to rescue Jeyne when the armies were outside battling, but they had to abandon that plan when no army came after a month and do the next best thing.
One of the first things you notice on your first read of the letter is the repetition of Bastard, and since it makes no sense for Ramsay to write it, it must be some other character who wrote it, and who do we know in the series who loves to curse? Sandor. He might have changed a lot on the quiet isle but cursing a hard habit to drop. Sandor probably really does think of Stannis as a false king with no claim, since it’s unlikely he knew about the twincest considering he spends most of his time in KL around Joffrey or being a regular Lannister guard who doesn’t know. He also probably became more religious at the quiet isle and genuinely despises Stannis for turning to R’hllor.
So how does he know about the spearwives? Because he’s in winterfell of course. My guess would be he went to Eastwatch and managed to smuggle himself on a ship and go to White Harbor, where he went into Wyman’s service, maybe he even went and specifically told Wyman about his mission to rescue Arya, and since most people in the North haven’t seen the hound before, it’s unlikely they would know who he was, or even think about it, considering the rumors that he’s around Saltpans. Only the Freys might know him, being from farther south, but they probably wouldn’t pay attention to a random Manderly guard.
Why would the spearwives let Sandor know who they are? Because Mance recognized him from his previous visit to Winterfell. This would also explain why grrm retconned Mance into winterfell in asos.
Why would Mance trust Sandor? He’d probably do what he did with Theon and have the spearwives bring him and interrogate Sandor, Mance is a pretty good judge of character As for ‘your false king’s friends are dead’, Sandor from what he knows of Stannis thinks that Stannis has no friends, so he’s just having a jape, something he does continuously through the letter.
Sandor has also become far more religious at the quiet isle, so he thinks of all other religions (except the old gods) as witches. His experience with the BwB also put his opinion of red priests down, making him call Mel a red witch.
How did Sandor send the letter? Probably with Wyman’s help, or maybe there’s a dead maester who’s gone missing in all the chaos at winterfell. As for the signature pink wax, the quiet isle does have some trade, so the most likely scenario some ship carrying sealing waxes for trade came and Sandor asked the elder brother to buy him the pink one because it reminded him of the girlish stuff Sansa likes, along with kinda resembling the color of weirwood (remember that the first time he saved Sansa was when she fell on the serpentine steps coming back from the godswood.)
But why? He obviously came to winterfell hearing of Arya’s marriage and to save her, but it must have been clear during the wedding and after that the girl was not Arya, but someone else, namely Jeyne Poole, Sansa’s close friend who was taken away from her.
Sandor clearly thinks of himself as Sansa’s ‘protector’, and his time at the quiet isle has probably made him take that role even more seriously, so when he sees that Sansa’s close friend has been married off to a raving lunatic who’ll ruin her, he’d immediately think of Sansa and decide to save Jeyne, since he doesn’t know the spearwives or Mance well, he’d definitely not tell them and jeopardize the rescue.
As for the line, ‘the skins of the six whores’, I think Sandor’s increasing religiosity has made him increasingly take a line against alcoholism, which is probably pretty common in wildling culture, so he made them give him their wineskins and turned that into a cloak.
But why hasn’t Theon seen him, you ask? Well, actually, he has:

Outside the snow was coming down so heavily that Theon could not see more than three feet ahead of him. He found himself alone in a white wilderness, walls of snow looming up to either side of him chest high. When he raised his head, the snowflakes brushed his cheeks like cold soft kisses. He could hear the sound of music from the hall behind him. A soft song now, and sad. For a moment he felt almost at peace. Farther on, he came upon a man striding in the opposite direction, a hooded cloak flapping behind him. When they found themselves face-to-face their eyes met briefly. The man put a hand on his dagger. "Theon Turncloak. Theon Kinslayer." "I'm not. I never … I was ironborn." "False is all you were. How is it you still breathe?" "The gods are not done with me," Theon answered, wondering if this could be the killer, the night walker who had stuffed Yellow Dick's cock into his mouth and pushed Roger Ryswell's groom off the battlements. Oddly, he was not afraid. He pulled the glove from his left hand. "Lord Ramsay is not done with me." The man looked, and laughed. "I leave you to him, then." -ADWD, The Ghost in Winterfell

‘False is all you ever were.’ We know Sandor’s dislike of lordlings and knights, thinking them false fakers who break vows easily, and he must’ve seen a lot of Theon while watching Joff in the yard and seen his shallowness. Sandor’s parallel for Theon’s situation with the Starks is being saved by the Elder Brother, who has become his brother in all but biology to him, and he saw how good Theon had it with the Starks, so he thinks of Theon as a kinslayer. There is also a moment of sympathy when he sees what has been done to Theon, seeing a bit of what he did to himself and turned himself into due to his hatred of Gregor. So what would this mean for the story? Well, all the Manderly guardsmen are outside the castle and probably planning to defect to Stannis, so the future depends a lot on the outcome of the battle of Ice, which is too much for this post, but I might address it in another. Tl;dr: Sandor Clegane went to Winterfell to save Arya, and is currently outside winterfell with the Manderly host.