WPA – A Completely Average Roadtrip
Disclaimer: Not canon, and I don’t use patreon so please don’t spoil me. Also, any opinion held by a character is that of the characters and not my own. Enjoy.
Town of Ljosalfington, local time 14:00, week 7
Emma Booker
“Again Illunor, I warned you before that this is a utility vehicle, not a party rated smart-limo. I am already compromising more than I should by allowing you to use the sample cooler as a minifridge, one which I can’t even use!” I said as I loaded the materials I had just purchased into the back of the high-G All terrain fusion-ethanol-electric hybrid 24th-century legacy pickup truck that I had printed out earlier this week, carefully avoiding the heavy ordinance hard point.
“That is hardly an excuse for that abysmally cramped leg space barely fit for cattle, never mind the bare minimum for standard decorum suitable for nobility. If this is what a car is like, then I don’t see why you care for your technology,” complained Illunor, who was sitting around idly with a malformed garish bowl of icecream that he had stashed away from lunch.
“If it bothers you so much, perhaps you could help next time with your ‘bigger-on-the-inside’ magic,” I retorted as I slid the last core sample into the back before covering it up with a tarp and strapping it down.
I had originally planned to visit Ljosalfington by myself to acquire much needed exo-materials to test various mana manipulator configurations as I worked to develop my first wand as not all of the materials I needed were procurable locally from Elaseer. I eventually yielded, much to my regret, to allowing Illunor to come with me as he insisted on wanting to deliver a letter personally in town after Thacea had pointed out the wisdom of not travelling alone.
We continued our back and forth for a bit yet as I finished securing my payload a voice called out to me from the direction of the town.
“Excuse me a moment, I couldn’t help but notice but are you from the academy?”
I turned to see an elf dressed in a plain brown buttoned up tunic matched by a slightly shabby pair of trousers with what appeared to be a lute upon his back and a plain and unenchanted longsword on his belt gesturing at our robes. Mine especially were new and unusual, tailored by the academy to go over my armour and allow access to the anchor points and allow me to exit my armour with minimal hassle. Illunor scoffed at what was evidently a commoner’s arrogance at approaching nobility and turned his head away in disgust. I glanced at Illunor and shook my head before turning to face the new man. I had time to spare, and any opportunity to engage in a hearts-and-minds dialogue with the locals outside the bounds of the managed environment of the academy was more than worth the time to chat. Especially as most of the other locals seemed to be content in ignoring me.
“Yes, we are currently studying at the Transgracian Academy. I am Cadet Emma Booker representing the United Nations of Earth and Luna from Earthream, and my aloof compatriot is Lord Illunor Rularia of the Vunerian courts. We were just about to head back but are in no rush. May I ask your name and what brings you by?” I asked with my hand outstretched in greeting.
“Ah yes, yes. My name is Edhel Redoehdelnif, a wandering bard by trade like my father and his father before him. My apologies, Cadet Emma Booker, I am unfamiliar with Earthrealm,” said Edhel as he grasped my hand with both of his and shook it tepidly yet vigorously. Or rather, tried to, as the motors on my suit resisted his efforts.
“News doesn’t seem to spread all that fast around here, so it makes sense you haven’t heard of us. We’re a new realm, and only just got here. Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Edhel Redoehdelnif,” I replied.
“Absolutely fascinating! And a knight no less, or perhaps a squire? I’m sure you have many stories to tell of Earthrealm. Say, by chance are you about to head back to the academy? I have business in Elaseer and the usual coach has been absent as of late so I would rather not go it alone,” said Edhel.
I was hesitant to bring a stranger back in the car with me, even if Illunor was present. However, the opportunity that meeting a bard presented was too good to pass up from an intel perspective and to win the favour of the populace at large.
“That is a great idea. I think I have room for one more…” I paused before gesturing towards Illunor, “provided everyone is ok with it that is.”
Illunor gave a huff and turned his head away in silence.
“Very well, I will allow this. But he will not be joining me in your sorry excuse for a coach,” said Illunor dismissively.
Illunor approached the backseat expectantly and the door opened for him automatically, allowing the dlc kobold to gracefully enter and lounge across the length of the seats, once again ignoring the seatbelts. I sighed as I made my way to the driver’s seat, and Edhel entered from the passenger side as he marveled at the automatic doors and the interior.
“What a strange carriage this is! Although I must say, shouldn’t you be retrieving your horses? I didn’t see any harnesses or sense any artifices,” inquired Edhel as he attempted to make himself comfortable on the car seat, lute in front of him.
“Oh no, this thing doesn’t need horses or magic,” I said with a chuckle as EVI started the car. The elf raised his eyebrows at the sudden hum of the engine and made an expression of alarm when the car started driving itself without my input. “See, purrs like a kitten.”
“Earthrealm must have some large kittens if they purr like that,” noted Edhel, “but you must be concealing the enchantments somewhere. Such a thing as this with such strange yet precise craftsmanship is only possible in the crownlands.”
“Nope, no magic,” I said cheerfully.
“Then how?” Asked Edhel.
“It’s rather simple really. Are you familiar with the workings of a mill?” I asked, deciding to keep things surface level and elementary to avoid provoking the IDOV threshold.
“Somewhat, though I confess to not being familiar with their workings. Are you suggesting this is akin to a mill?” Asked Edhel perplexed.
“It’s the same principal. A mill works by taking a source of rotation such as a waterwheel or windmill, transferring that rotation along a series of rotating shafts and interlocking gears, and finally putting that energy to work by rotating a millstone,” I began as the car pulled out onto the smooth cobbled road in the direction of Elaseer. A notification popped up in the corner of my vision indicating my recon drone swarm had shifted from a holding formation to a convoy screening formation, and while the roads were clear I kept the speed at 60km/h to account for my passenger’s apparent distaste for seatbelts.
“Rotation…” muttered Edhel. He turned to face one of the wheels and EVI pinged an alert for a probable match for a detection spell, “fascinating.”
“Edhel, what are you doing?” I asked.
“Oh, yes, perhaps I should have asked first. Yes, I can see how it all fits together. But the source of this rotation? I see no mighty river or great wind to power this, so where does it come from?” Asked Edhel, not really apologizing. Elven arrogance, it seemed, was not limited by class.
The act reminded me of Sorecar when he inspected my gun, but where the armourer had been respectful with it, Edhel was more flippant. I considered the possibility that he was a spy sent by one of her peers or the crownlands, though this did not mesh with the methods I had seen so far. Edhel may have been just overly enthusiastic. In either case, I quickly decided to only reveal the antique design for the ethanol engine, and not that of the batteries or the emergency coupler to my suit’s fusion reactor.
“Right, well please ask first next time. As to your question, I won’t bore you with the details, but the rotation is generated by creating a periodic sequence of explosions inside of a machine – a manaless artifice – called a combustion engine, said Emma.
“So that’s what that sound is…” pondered Edhel, “are these artifices typical in Earthream?”
“You are awfully inquisitive for a commoner,” noted Illunor as he inspected his nails for dirt, “and rather accepting of something which should be impossible.”
“I wouldn’t be much of a bard if I wasn’t, my lord,” said Edhel shifting uncomfortably in his seat, “perhaps some music might set the mood better?”
“That would be preferable, bard. I have heard enough of the Earthrealmer’s Road Trip Playlist and would like to listen to some music of real culture,” said Illunor.
The bard agreed and proceeded to awkwardly play a ballad about an adventurer who slew a hydra in some frozen wasteland. Partway through, I politely interrupted the Edhel to point out the seat controls much to his fascination and Illunor’s grumbling at their common nature, and after some adjustment the bard went on playing and I half-heartedly listened while I paid attention to the road and my drone feed.
Particularly after EVI detected something unusual and alerted me to its presence.
”Attention Caded Booker. There is a disabled vehicle blocking the primary route to destination. Heat signatures in the woods are consistent with that of an ambush.”
“Damn it,” I muttered.
I glanced at the drone feed to see a broken cart strewn horizontally across a wooden bridge over a brook. On the surface it looked like a pair of civilians who required aid and assistance, but off in the woods were several heat signatures, several of which held weapons of varying levels of enchantments. Occasionally one of the pair on the bridge would talk with them, suggesting they were in cahoots rather than hostages. I recalled crossing that very bridge not a few hours earlier, so the blockade was very recent.
“EVI, did we pass that cart on the way here?” I asked.
”Negative,” replied EVI.
I grimaced. I had been trained to handle road-side ambushes, but it was only something that was a theoretical possibility. Something that should only occur in a warzone or a corrupt and unstable polity. I knew I had the capacity to handle such an encounter, even non-lethally, but that didn’t change the fact that these were civilians and as such were the responsibility of local law enforcement. Combined with the fact that I had passengers I was responsible for and engaging the ambush was a risky option.
“EVI, give me a list of alternative routes,” I commanded.
”Affirmative. Here is a list of routes in order of recommendation,” replied EVI.
I looked over the routes superimposed on a map of the region and quickly dismissed taking a shortcut through the forest and cutting through farmland. A detour caught my eye that extended the journey by roughly ten kilometers and I immediately sent a pair of drones to scout it out before committing to the detour.
“Are you alright, Cadet Emma Booker? You seem distracted,” asked Edhel, snapping me back to reality.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just focused on driving,” replied Emma.
“I suppose it must be quite taxing to command an artificed carriage of this complexity. Perhaps it might ease your mind if you were to regale me a tale of a hero of your realm?” Said Edhel, strumming a complex tune from his lute as he spoke as each and every pluck triggered a low-level spell.
“Well, that may be a problem. We don’t have any monsters to fight, and wars are a thing of the past,” I said while desperately tip-toeing the subject of aunt Ran, the subject of war, and our voyages through the cosmos, “though we are not without the adventurous spirit. We certainly have many stories of grand voyages. Some mythical and fictional such as The Odyssey as told by the Greek poet Homer and some historical such as the race to the south pole.”
“The south pole,” muttered the bard, “so you have explored all of Earthrealm then? I suppose that makes some sense, if you have artifices such as this then traversal of a globe would be quite manageable.”
“You are quite perceptive,” I said, not wishing to elaborate.
“A great performer knows his audience,” said Edhel with a charming, honest, almost human smile.
I felt a pang of homesickness as an intrusive thought reminded me that I could have gone to a real college surrounded by friendly faces my age, engaging in nightly holostreams and dreaming of adventures in the stars from the safety of a college dorm room. The sight of Illunor in the rear camera was the only thing that kept me grounded, as I almost felt like I was back at home on a road trip rather than returning to a fantasy feudal court, constantly evading death at every turn with the fate of humanity on the line. As such, and prompted by EVI, I barely had the wherewithal to take the planned detour.
A fact which did not pass by Edhel.
“I believe you may have taken a wrong turn, Emma,” he commented.
“Nah, I’m just taking the scenic route. I came from that direction on the way here, and you have inspired me to see the other road and I figure it should only add a few extra minutes to our travel time,” I said, gesturing at a paper map which I had referenced exactly once, “though on that subject, you seem to know these lands quite well. Do you have any recommendations on places to visit in the Nexus to scratch that itch?”
Illunor raised his eyebrow at the detour excuse, knowing full well this was not part of the plan. I worried that he might complain about the issue and but thankfully remained silent as he snacked on the contents of the misused sample storage unit. Edhel himself took on a more pensive posture.
“I’m happy to have been such an inspiration, Emma, though I am sure an explorer such as yourself has little need of such. I would normally suggest the skyward fountains of Verdellan or the cloud tides of Asturia, but that may be too casual for someone of your calibre. Perhaps the severed chasm or the fire marsh of Bhandahova may be more to your liking. Or perhaps…” Edhel leaned in, “I have heard rumours of a dragon in the glassy obsidian wastes of Vurcanar.”
I chuckled at that, knowing how I was fortunate enough to fish a dragon scale out of the nearby lake for the ECS. “The thought of going dragon hunting had certainly crossed my mind…” I mused aloud.
“Yet you sound hesitant. Perhaps it is too much for a newrealmer. Perhaps a slime or a dire rat might be more appropriate,” he said with a tease.
“No, it’s not like that! It’s” I stammered, before attempting to change course after realizing I had been goaded, “what I mean is, I was under the impression that dragons were an endangered species. Where I come from, hunting endangered animals is usually illegal, and big game hunting in general is frowned upon. We do make exceptions in the case of problem animals such as if a large predator starts hunting humans, but as a rule we prefer conservation and try to find ways of coexisting with wildlife such as the use of barrier fences and scaring away dangerous animals rather than being forced to cull their numbers. Having a species go extinct would prevent future generations from appreciating them and risks destabilizing the ecosystem they are a part of. Now if this dragon was actively razing villages and eating civilians and livestock, that would be one thing, but this does not look to be the case. I don’t imagine the Nexus has any settlements in this wasteland, and the dragon clearly wants to be left alone. Killing an innocent dragon would be murder.”
I grinned to myself after delivering a diatribe that would have made my tenth grade social and environmental studies teacher beam with pride, though by the expressions of my passengers my view did not appear to be shared. Edhel’s mouth was agape in shock and fascination, while the Venurian in the back seat merely huffed in disapproval.
“I assure you Newrealmer, there are no innocent dragons,” stated Illunor with a hint of terseness breaking through his otherwise regal demeanor.
“Illunor, I understand that Venurians have personal reasons for not liking dragons, but you can’t just extend that disdain to their descendants or those uninvolved just because they are the same species,” I said.
“If I may interject on your behalf, my lord, I believe I can address Cadet Emma Booker’s concerns,” said Edhel with a bow. Illunor nodded in approval.
“Very well, you may proceed,” he said.
“Thank you, my lord. My dear Emma, you must understand that dragons are not simple animals driven entirely off of instinct as it appears to be the case in Earthrealm. They are monsters. Intelligent, long-lived, violent, greedy, cruel, territorial, selfish flesh-eating monsters. They are evil by the very nature of their being, unable to change by their own accord, and unwilling to change when His Eternal Majesty offered them freedom from their nature. It isn’t that they want to be evil. As intelligent animals – intelligent monsters – dragons are capable of understanding morality, and many have tried to overcome their evil nature at great expense to themselves. A well intended and noble sentiment, yet a doomed one as like all animals, they all succumb to their nature in the end. Overcoming one’s nature is impossible,” said Edhel. His eyes took on a stoic, almost remorseful gaze as he spoke, and Illunor nodded with approval.
I was appalled by this claim, not by the contents so much as how blatantly false it was. As a representative of the human race, I was a living counterexample to his whole argument. We had remained physiologically unchanged as a species since the last Ice Age, and yet in spite of that, in spite of our many flaws, we had found peace and balance. If we could do it, anyone could do it.
“Will all due respect Edhel, that is nonsense. Monsters aren’t born, they are made. It is the mark of any intelligent species can adapt their behaviour to their environment for better or worse, and under the right care any so-called monster can grow to be a force for good,” I began, but while I searched for the right words Edhel shook his head.
“I appreciate your race is an empathetic one, Emma, your idealism is unfounded. As flesh eaters, a dragon must take the life of another animal or person to survive, or they will perish. As such, every dragon has taken a life. As long-lived creatures, they will have amassed a significant number of kills. As the land can only support so much animals, a dragon must be fiercely territorial and aggressive to remove competition, lest they starve. As such, even the most kind-hearted dragon alive must be violent and greedy, and their intelligence fuels this even more so if they know a bountiful land of morsels exists just outside their range.
Now perhaps a multitude of dragons may find a way to co-exist together in some settlement, but to support such a venture would require a large territory of prey, or a livestock animal. Perhaps they could support a large colony by farming grain for their livestock, but that would require effort on their behalf. As large animals, such efforts require a great deal of energy. Yet that size makes it easy for them to intimidate smaller races to do their labour for them, and to keep their client race in line dragons must be cruel. And even so, as their numbers grow so do their needs. As such, they must expand into the lands of their neighbours to survive until there is nothing left to devour, at which point they must turn against their own lest they starve. As such, it is the nature of dragons to conquer and devour. That is why there is no such thing as an innocent dragon,” finished Edhel.
I was speechless, not because I believed Edhel had a point, but because I was horrified at how easy he found it to rationalize the extermination of an entire sapient species. If this was how the elves thought, then it wasn’t the dragons who were the monsters. I suppressed that dark thought. Edhel’s thought process was a product of his culture, not a feature of his elven heritage. If there was any hope of peace between our people, I needed to show him there was another way of being. I needed to prove that co-existence was possible, no matter one’s nature.
I took a deep breath to steady myself before replying.
“That- that is a callous way of seeing things,” I began, though the shock was still there in my voice, “you speak as though there is no natural equilibrium with a dragon, that their only state of being must be to be cruel, to devour, to conquer. But I see things differently. In fact, I might wonder if a fledgling civilization might see the presence of a dragon as a boon rather than a curse. Being intelligent, the locals may be able to come to some agreement with the dragon. Perhaps they might leave some land as a hunting ground or offer up a share of their cattle or guard the dragon as it sleeps. In exchange, the dragon might allow them to build a town outside its mountain and protect them in times of danger. An equitable exchange. A civilization might even create artificial lairs to attract dragons for this very reason. True, some dragons may behave tyrannical towards their town, but a well armed populace of a large city would be more than capable of fighting such a threat, and a rational dragon might reason that threatening their own populace would put their reliable source of food and shelter at risk. You see, it’s all a matter of perspective.”
“You certainly are an imaginative one, Emma, to wonder up a quixotic world where the hare and the fox live together in harmony as equals. Even so, you seem to have ignored one key detail to such a society. What would happen should the dragon not be fed for months on end?” Asked Edhel with his eyebrow raised.
“The same thing as stranded a dozen starving, stranded Elves!” I spat back.
[Alert: Vehicle speed above recommended limit for conditions. Recommendation: slow down. ]
“I am driving slow!” I seethed, not realizing I had sped up with manual control enabled.
“I grow tired of this common prattle,” interjected Illunor just in time to prevent an awkward silence, “bard, play us another song.” “As my lord wishes,” said Edhel with a bow before turning to me with another smile, “perhaps a more soothing melody would be in order? A love song perhaps, to honour Cadet Booker’s compassionate nature?”
I said nothing as Edhel began to strum his lute again to the tune of a love story of a pair of doomed lovers named Ramian and Junette, hating his cheeky knowing grin that only served to get under my skin further as I focused on calming down and slowing the car back to a more reasonable pace before investigating a priority alert which I had been blinded to moments prior.
[Alert: hostile roadblock is absent, location unknown.]
Shit.
“Illunor, we may have a problem,” I said.
“Shush, Newrealmer, have you no class? We are almost at the best part! I’m sure it can wait,” replied the contextually clueless lizard.
I had never wanted to throttle Illunor as much as I did now.
“Illunor, shield, now,” I said with a raised voice.
“I don’t see-“ he started, pausing mid-sentence as his ears perked up.
[Alert: Multiple manafield and spell signatures detected!]
I took evasive maneuvers as Illunor tried to piece together a shield spell, fumbling it twice as panic appeared to set in and providing me with a reminder that Illunor was a civilian, not a soldier. A hail of arrows pelted the exterior of the truck, piercing but not penetrating the composite armour. I was tempted to do nothing but just drive away from the arrow fire, but a foreboding premonition of danger filled me as I recalled Sorecar’s hunter-seeker arrows.
Seeking to avoid that fate, I triggered the active defenses.
The smoke screens deployed around the vehicle, obscuring the sight of any who depended on visible light to see me. A barrage of decoy flares equipped with wooden cores shot upward at angles and diffusing to the side like a pair of giant wings which when combined with the MFD, short for mana-field dampener, inside the vehicle meant that the pelting hail of arrowfire softened to a whirr as the arrows whiffed over the top of the truck, retargeted away from the soft flesh of my passengers and even invoking friendly fire amongst the ambushers.
In the chaos, EVI and my drone swarm fed me complete tactical information on the ambush. Of the 26 individuals at the first blockade, 20 were accounted for, and 3 had died from friendly fire. Ahead at the bridge, 5 more of them were at the bridge where a barrier had been hastily erected to cage me in as the river valley was too deep to cross.
“Illunor, we need a bridge,” I said, taking stock of the wellbeing of my passengers.
The bard was huddled down low and suppressing his manafield, but otherwise rather composed. Illunor, on the other hand, was cowering in the gap between the seats with his hands covering his eyes and his tail tucked in.
“A bridge is no small request, Ne- Cadet Emma Booker,” replied Illunor, “and your ‘Emeffdee’ has blinded me to the outside of this moving death trap.”
“If I drop it, can you at least make a ramp?” I asked as I circled the battlefield. Or tried to, at least, as earthen ramparts emerged from the ground from a yet unseen source to cut off other avenues of escape.
“A ramp? Surely you don’t mean-“ he stammered.
“Yes or no,” I said.
Illunor paused, before taking an unsteady breath.
“Yes. But not with that Emeffdee,” he replied.
“Good. Steady your nerves and prepare to make a ramp ahead of us on my signal,” I said, “in the meantime, get your seatbelt on. This is going to be hairy.”
As I circled around to make my approach on the bridge, the final combatant made his appearance on a nearby tree, revealing himself as an elven mage. An alert focused on the air around him indicating he was preparing an unknown high-tier spell, and I locked the predator drone on him indicating the elf as a high-priority target if our escape plan failed, and I was forced to use lethal force.
If I was forced to kill.
It was one thing to know you may have to kill in the line of duty, but it was much harder to reconcile that with reality. No number of simulations could match the real thing, and a part of me wanted to simply offload the responsibility to EVI to keep my hands clean, but to do that would be betraying my duty as a human being. I breathed in deep and tried not to think about it, instead hoping to rely on the ace I held in my sleeve instead.
“EVI, ready the spell jammer,” I said unevenly.
“Acknowledged, the prototype Exo-Radiation Wave-Field Distruptor is primed. High risk target identified and locked, permission to engage?” EVI asked, forcing me to address the dreaded question.
“Negative,” I replied, “hold your fire. If the ramp fails, then you have permission to engage,” I said.
“Affirmative, on your mark,” replied EVI.
I lined up the truck with the bridge and bolted through the smoke, keeping a careful eye on the mage as I went. His spellform took on a more concerning shape as I accelerated, and I realized I could not afford to let him finish his spell. I triggered the spelljammer.
A terrible roar erupted from an array of speakers printed from mana-resistant materials that would have made Godzilla herself beam with pride. The sound was decidedly unnatural, gnarly, dubstep drop composed of an electric eel, a whale, a mountain lion, and a tyrannosaurus rex all being simultaneously assaulted by a swarm of angry cybernetic murder hornets as an equally chaotic wave of mana blasted outwards from the exterior of the truck, with the interior thankfully sheltered by audio and mana dampening.
The ambushing assailants cowered and panicked, and it was enough to cause the Elven mage’s spell to backfire in his face as his form exploded into ashes, meeting a horrific fate which I had tried so desperately to help him avoid. With all the combatants momentarily incapacitated or dead, I lowered the dampener and turned off the smoke.
“Ramp!” I shouted, snapping the lizard back to reality.
The Venerian nodded and hastily formed an earthwork ahead of us right before the blockade, and the truck leapt off the ramp with a not insignificant amount of air beneath our wheels. I braced for impact, regretting skimping on the shocks in the name of preserving materials, but the impact never came.
[Alert: Friendly spell designated ‘Feather Fall’]
Illunor thankfully had enough wherewithal to gently land the steel brick, and I sped off into the distance away from the trap that had unfolded behind us, leaving the interior of the truck in an awkward silence as we each processed our brush with death in our own way. “How many are dead?” I asked EVI.
“6 hostiles confirmed dead,” replied EVI.
I drove on in silence. Those were six deaths I had tried to avoid, and I became lost in thought as I wondered what I should have done differently to avoid the confrontation entirely.
Edhel broke the silence with a bout of laughter.
“Terrific! Absolutely terrific! Why, I can conjure up many a tale from this encounter alone! I live for this kind of inspiration!” Exclaimed Edhel a little too chipperly considering the circumstance.
“I would rather not hear stories about how I bravely ran away,” I moaned in deadpan sarcasm.
“You think too little of yourself, Cadet Emma Booker. It is plain to me that you are no ordinary rabbit. Make no mistake, I see it as a privilege to bear witness to the roar of a vorpal hare!” Said Edhel as he supressed his laughter, “though I am afraid with all the excitement that I must finish my song some other time.”
“How about I play some of our music?” I offered after the elf revealed his thrill-seeking side.
“Splendid, I would like that. Perhaps something of your ‘Roadtrip playlist’ you speak of? It sounds like a collection of your voyages,” said Edhel.
“That would be an improvement on the truth,” said Illunor dismissively as he eased from his state of shock, “it is little more than noise under the pretense of music.”
“Illunor…” I muttered to myself before turning the mic on, “no, no it’s not like that. I have terabytes of pre-recorded songs from various artists back home which can be played by… an artifice called a speaker. A playlist is a set of songs which are grouped together, usually to listen to in specific situations such as studying, partying, or travelling. The latter collection is what Illunor is referring to.”
I very deliberately chose not to reveal my ‘Unfortunate Daughters’ playlist.
“An artifice which plays music, and a magicless one at that. I must say, Emma, I fear for the bards in your realm,” said Edhel with a laugh.
“Your fear is misplaced, Edhel. Entertainers live like kings where I come from,” I retorted with a smirk of my own, “well, the ones with talent at least.”
“Well, well, I suppose I have to hear my competition!” Said Edhel with a laugh.
“Do as you must, though let it be known that I warned you,” said Illunor as he watched a play on his sightseer.
I had EVI compile a list of songs that left out content offensive to Nexian sensibilities or violating OpSec and as it compiled I mused over what type of sample spread I wanted to show off. Then it struck me. What better way to show off our culture than with some good old blue jumpers and nova rock! Sadly, jumpers were unavailable to show but I still had a whole list of modern artists to choose from.
Moments later, the car speakers sprung to life to the tune of ‘Innocent Youth of Mine. Edhel’s eyes lit up like a child visiting a zero-g gravity park for the first time, seemingly star-struck by the antique electric guitar and the synthesizer-drums in particular.
“What… what is this? I have never heard anything like this!” Proclaimed Edhel.
“Dreadful, isn’t it?” said Illunor, doing what he did best and pretending to hate it.
“Oh there is a lot more where that came from,” I said with a cheeky grin of my own, “this one is called ‘Innocent Youth of Mine’ by ‘Cannons and Poppies’. It’s part of the Nova Rock genre.
“And those strange instruments?” Asked Edhel.
“Oh, you mean the electric guitar and the synthesizer. They are electronic instruments, taking advantage of channeled and modulated electricity to create near any sound we can imagine,” I replied.
“Channeled electricity… are you suggesting these sounds were made by some form of lightning?” Asked Edhel.
[Suggestion: Avoid topic of electricity due to OpSec risk]
I nodded at EVI’s warning, thankful that it caught me before I discussed the very thing that all of my equipment ran on.
“It’s not exactly lightning, but close enough,” I said.
“If I had not witnessed to your display of power earlier, I might have perhaps been more skeptical of such a claim, but I suppose a lady must keep her secrets.” said Edhel with a raised eyebrow and chuckle, “but I digress, this music is most interesting.”
“There is a lot more where that came from,” I said with a cheeky grin of my own.
“If I ever have a prisoner in need of torture, I will turn to you first,” replied Illunor, “if you are willing to subject your peers to this madness then I cannot imagine what you would force upon your enemies before dunking them in ice.”
“In your dreams,” I retorted.
I played a few other songs including Astrodesee’s ‘Meteor Struck’, the Martian classic ‘Hotel Cydonia’ and even ‘Switching to Warp’ before Elaseer emerged from the distance, and I pulled up outside the gate to drop Edhel off.
“Here already?” Asked Edhel.
“Well, yeah. I was just running a quick errand, I didn’t want to go too far,” I replied casually.
“That was a distance worth at least five days of walking by foot, and you call that a ‘quick errand’?” Asked Edhel. I shrugged, and he laughed.
“Well in any case, thank you for allowing me passage in your car. I must apologize for my lack of gift or payment…” said Edhel. “Don’t worry about it, it was on the way,” I replied.
“I see, how generous. Perhaps we might one day meet again?” Asked Edhel.
“Maybe, but I’m not sure how likely that is. The academy takes up most of my time,” I replied, “though you never know. I still have a lot of quest hours to complete.”
“Is that so? In that case, I hope we meet again! Goodbye Cadet Emma Booker and farewell Lord Illunor Rularia,” he said. “And good travels to you, bard,” said Illunor.
I waved off Edhel and drove back to the academy, Illunor still sulking in the back seat.
“Perhaps next time, you should steer us away from danger?” Suggested Illunor.
“I tried, but we were tracked,” I replied.
I groaned inwardly at the additional work needed to fix the truck. EVI compiled a list of upgrades for future engagements, batting away my idea for a ‘turbo mode’ and a ‘jump boost’. Though at the end of the day, meeting the bard wasn’t a complete loss. It felt good to talk to someone almost normal for once, and I hoped I met him again.
Edhel Redoehdelnif
I watched as Cadet Emma Booker’s vehicle went off into the distance, getting one last look at the Earthrealmer’s strange artifice before turning towards the gate. The voyage was an exotic experience, not unlike that of a fever dream or a peak into a world completely alien to my own. Indeed, it was a struggle to contain my excitement and enthusiasm and process the experience rationally as I made my way through the southern gates of Elaseer and turned the corner of an alley before entering an impossible structure that did not exist.
“You are earlier than expected,” said the shadowy figure of my handler as I made my way to the meeting hall.
“The Earthrealmer’s means of transportation proved far more expedient than anticipated, my lord” I spoke as I knelt before him, “even with her unexpected departure from the anticipated road and the ambush we traveled for scantly more than an hour.”
“Yes, I will require a full report from you. Perhaps you can shed some light on the ‘smoke dragon’ my men claim intervened on the Earthrealmer’s behalf,” said my handler.
“Smoke Dragon, my lord?” I asked.
My handler responded by activating his sight-seer, revealing how the ambush had appeared from the outside. The Earthrealmer’s uncanny artifice traversed down the road, a pair of manafields displaying proudly from within until the archers began their assault. The artifice then transformed as smoke billowed out from its pores and wings sprung forth above until it was the form of a mighty wrym with a pair of glowing eyes springing forth from its ever extending head where it then gave forth a terrible unholy roar which sent waves of mana outward. The mage working to seal the area and trap their mark vapourized in an instant as his spell backfired. It was apparent to Edhel that his exceptional experience in the carriage was merely a muted rendition of the events unfolding around them.
It would seem the hare had the shadow of a dragon.
“I do have some insight, though I must confess the Earthrealmer did very little in the way of direct action. I suspect she has some unseen means of commanding and scrying through her artifices,” I said, “one which does not utilize magic as we know it.”
“Such a statement is heresy,” said my handler, “but such special circumstances are your reason for being. I will require you submit your memories for verification. What is your appraisal of the new realmer?”
“The girl is far more dangerous than a surface appraisal would suggest, though she prefers to conceal that power rather than utilize it out of a misplaced sense of compassion. Her people appear to have a boundless creative drive through which such artifices are birthed, though again it is misdirected towards more common applications. I believe that if properly tamed, this human animal may provide us with great works of art,” I said with a bow.
“I see. Does the girl know you work for us?” Asked my handler.
“She may harbour some suspicions, though did not voice them outright beyond concealing her knowledge,” I said, “though nothing significant. Provided our next meet is under believable circumstances such as a festival she should view me as cordial.”
“She has indeed proven clever,” conceded my handler, “very well, I will make arrangements for your paths to cross again. Perhaps I will arrange for her to be a contestant at the next inter-academy tournament. In the mean time, prepare your report and don’t wander far. This is a priority assignment.”
“As you wish, my lord,” I said with a bow and a smile.
Emma Booker had proved to be an interesting animal indeed, and I hoped our paths crossed again.

Tldr with short video examples at the bottom.
Small background for me, i have my coaching badges and can coach up to 18 years old kids , i did my training for 2 years and coached a u14 boy team to 27-4 record and win a local tittle , im by no means a pro or expert but a person who enjoys the tactical side of basketball. English isnt my native language so i apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes, i have tried my best to explain as simple as possible and provide video for every play, if you like this content i can make more let me know . My main reason to do this is because i want wnba to grow and i wanna show case that in my personal humble opinion coaching is an issue for Fever.
All videos in this example are free to watch for everyone on wnba app or youtube i did not break any copyright laws etc, just given links to said material this is for the mods coz its big wall of text.
Brink looked the best rookie in her first game, she also seem to fit the game plan really will making alot of room and making centers follow her outside 3 point line( so switch/defense colapsed )coz of her 3 point ability, and she hit one very early so they had to respect her shooting. She dragged people out on couple of play and open free lanes for free layup, this is something you dont see on the stat sheet, but if you watched the game you will have noticed. That`s why people saying is coaching issue, because even tho brink replacement is in my opinion non wnba talent in tank commander Li Yueru28, the team plays different with Brink in and out, and you can tell they are coached that way, for example brink will camp in dunker spots and 'trigger' to run as soon as hand off is done or screen, so she goes to do another stagger screen or hand off action depending, its aways the same meaning it was practiced.
example 1 timestamp yt for brink action/coached Look how they have to swap taller player for her, but then in the paint once she starts to drive is 3enemy players inside the paint , meaning alot of people left open ,easy good look( again coached she starts at dunk spot before hand off)
example 2 similar play to what golden state runs with number 10 here being like curry, and going back door, if they switch and cover cam she will be free because there isnt enough people to cover ,but then weak side 3 corner will
In this case if brink get favorable matchup she can go for layup if not number 10 will be open for a pass similar to play 1 again coached you can tell because the hand off/pass trigger the movement
example 3 again 'trigger action is starting' as soon as ball is passed to Brink, this is same as before look for penetration and miss match and kick out if defense colapses
example 4 abuse weak side defender and miss match, again look that nurse on top of the key is 'triggered' as soon as the ball is exchanged again this means coaching/trained 9/10 time) once she cuts, now there will be over reaction to help coz of her dominant hand being free for layup, this means either Brink or top of the elbow shooter will be open again they execute as practice and get a good look. you can see that number 32 has to react and help with nurse therefore leaving some1 open
Now if you follow the play before you will see similar variation, but in this case Jackson as rookie dosnt sit at her position but goes a bit closer she should be at the corner like Cam for 3 like nurse is at the elbow like last possesion This is how you can tell its coached, good spacing because Nurse is in exact same spot and Rickea should have done the same but she is a rookie therefore you can blame that on the rookie but you can see its good coaching UNLIKE FEVER OFFENSE They get a bucket off it as well instead of kicking it out for 3
example 5 actually setting good/double screens action
Trigger is hemby passing the ball you will see cameron starts to move Exactly after that and hemby makes the screen that's the trigger, idea is to pull out one of the paint people for a drive or over reaction for open 3 corner(in this case nurse will come after brink screen and get a good look or camm will roll and do same play as example 1/2 and kick out or abuse matchup
So you can see how all this make sense, and why is coached because there is aways a 'trigger' or people move when something happens tldr is teached/coached.
Dallas/Chicago ( im trying to make compilation for teams that are around/below us to show why they are better coached already)
example 6 The art of rejecting the screen, have you seen us run even one play like that? well yeah exactly poor coaching. Pretty simple ,very popular very basic play in today day's and age, criminal that we dont do it.
How to properly react to over helping/teaming up tldr when people blitz 2man trap CC You make the easy pass the the open person often to your left/right in this case top of the key, you read the defense colapse (because already its 2v1 before the pass and some one is gonna step up on you the person who just got the ball then that person has to either
A)Drive
B)shoot open /non contested shot
D)keep moving the ball/abuse weak matchup/sleeping defender.
C) wait for screen action then pass to the weak side (same direction first pass came from)
In this case they see Reese who is a rookie have defensive relaps and pass behind her, because again reese shouldnt really help but she 'steps' away from her target and is caught ball watching. Madi did couple of passes like that, and CC and other pg's in this team have the ability to make this simple passes, but the problem is there is no one to help cc when she get double teamed.
Example 7 of coached play with 'trigger'
Double screen action for deep 3 or roll with open free throw line passing lane to weak side/drive.
trigger is number #1 (williams) not keep going to dunker spot but stoping and preparing to do the SECOND screen thats how you can tell this is COACHED AND TRAINED Default play here is to keep penetration obviously not stop her run there for 'no reason'
I also want you to keep in mind that by the end of the play after second screen far 3 is open in this frame you can see her defending steping up to cover roll and free throw passing lane as i mention below leaving the shooter open with alot of space The idea here is the first screener that gets reject dosnt roll so you leave passing lane open for the 3 pointer (aka free throw line to be clear for drive or clear pass of the second screeneroller if you roll you will make the defender of weak side close to hes target and also clog the passing lane) If they don`t step up you take the long 3 (perfect for cc)
here is more in depth and you can see exact same play via golden state
**so again this is also how you can tell this is coached not some random stuff, i want you to find me double screen action from fever GAME THIS SEASON , thank you.

**

Example 8 very early middle of the field screen for ball handler CC +roll and abusing weakness /bad matchup Trigger is obvious even maubrey signals for it with her hand running up to set the screen again coached not something you 'come up' on the spot with.Have you seen a single fever player go deep to set screen and signal yet? Yep exactly. Look how it fast it colapse the defense because of spacing you ahve open corner, you can pull it back to either screeners etc
example 9 using the correct people who usually cant shoot 3 or big to setup screen, move the ball all the way to the oposite side with screen for open 3
I want you to notice the speed and screens quality/ball movement the fact that there is also rookies and this is a team that many said will be below us(Fever) in standings.This isnt a coached/set play, this is just working around screens and playing good ball, the reason it happens is because yes there are few vets doing a good job but the point is most have this team below us in the standings because we have the talent, do we have the coaching, that is up to you to decide and i guess the front office. Notice as i said before people setting up screens are not the 3 point shooters ( like often we will see coach want cc or Katie Lou Samuelson setup screens???? while forward/center Boston etc is afk in paint doing nothing?) In this case brink is Unicorn and can shoot 3 but the idea is the same boston and smith should be coming up setting screens not CC (this is what the coach has said in 2 press conferences now she want CC to setup screens, its wild)
Example 10 Coached/practiced inbound play, trigger is when Lexie Brown start running, notice that this is very similar to previous play cameron is in the same position as previous 3 play to setup the screen.
This is very good for Rookies give them few simple spots to learn and then include them in plays without telling them all the stuff they dont need to know, just keep it simple
Example 11 dealing with double team trap, finding the correct and having people step up outside the paint to offer pass options.Using rookie to setup a screen and roll to create space/have defender follow her
If this is fever, Hamby is Smith she needs to move to prepare another screen or offer option for pass not stayin still in paint, Boston has to be cam(or reversed role with smith either way works but boston is slower then smith), and then roll to take the person away, corner shooters should be mitchel and lou ,ball handler cc. Look how simple it is, you just need the correct players to do the correct things, this is all rookies, and a team that is in theory expected to finish below us in standings. But if we watch fever the wrong people are going up for screens, and we often have people staying in same spot for 10 sec doing nothing, i dont know why, its coaching thing 100%.
Another 2man trap into a bucket Aagain keep eye how brink (boston) should position her self for a pass over the top, while keeping defender away from the action, then hemby ( smith or w/e instead of going to clog the paint or staying still has to offer pass option once again).
Here is example what happens in Fever game so you can see the difference when cc gets trapped
Boston is turbo late, smith dosnt even offer a passing lane and there is 3 people next to clark while boston is not even in the picture yet , notice the difference? From speed to overall positioning and reaction this is coaching 101 dont doubt it. Not a single screen deep unlike the examples above, hell boston didnt even offer a passing line or screen till 4-5 sec later then she should have.
example 12 just running good off the ball and creating space for a shooter, in this case can be either mitchel or katie, i pause with and try to show with my mouse how the person should go they do it pitch perfect off ball movement, also look at the spacing compared to fever.
Example of screen action of Fever here what should happen is in this play after Clark gets the ball of screen , Kristy Wallace need to be all the way in the corner boston has to roll OPOSITE OF HER aka left of CC so she can open lane for CC to drive and then hit the corner Wallace Should look like this sorry for paint job Green is CC line for her strong right hand, red is where people should roll,be position wise compared to original play(You can see how much easier pass and position is corner 3 if Krist wallace went to correct spot also moved her defender away from swiping the ball /contesting clark drive coz if she commits to clark, then kristy is open for 3. They end up scoring, but you can see the way i draw it and sparks play it is far better obviously, again this is down to coaching 100% and practice, this isnt about team synergy its ball 101 basics.
Example 13 inbound play difference Sparks play +good screens/off ball movement versus
Fever inbound play
I would like not to waste my breath on this coaching abomination, thank you.\
Example 14 just being a smart team mate, aways go help if you see double team dont stay still, well done Cameron Brink and Hamby
When you just play good bb iq plays and move without the ball and space well, good things happen if other rookies are coached to do it in such short time i see no reason why indiana can't be too. Even if you dont make the shots or the passs, as long as the movement is there people will be happy, this isnt the case right now. If i'm CC i will be pissed and mad too, because look how others play when team mates get trapped, and look how Indiana play and react when she is trapped or any one really.
Look at how many white shirts near her and how many team mates including nobody left of her in corner 3
Also how come people arrive like a good 3-4 sec after her, is this a joke like? Obviously there is some disconect between the speed she wants to play and they are coached
Example 15 how much faster sparks 'counter attack' and move up the fieldyou can see even brink makes it there full sprint as one of the tallest players and a rookie for rebound if needed and she starts further away and out hustles a veteran , you all saw this play today do you see any indiana players? yeah exactly.
Thank you for taking the time to comment/watch even if this helps 2-3 people get better idea of why people are saying indiana isnt coached well i will be happy, if you want further content like this i will be happy to provide so, i'm doing it becasue i enjoy the game i dont need YT subscribers or likes or anything like that :)
Have a good day everyone, and hopefully we see a better coach for the fever soon enough.
TLDR
even basic screen action is lacking, lack of practice of 'set pieces ( think like soccer free kick/corners ) in this case inbound vs sparks inbound vs fever inbound
2man trap sparks into a bucket vs Fever spacing and nobody coming to open up a passing lane or help out
A simple 101 and popular 2 screen/reject action run by any team but we havent even seen a single such play from Fever

TLDR at the bottom of some quick 10-15 sec video examples
Small background for me, i have my coaching badges and can coach up to 18 years old kids , i did my training for 2 years and coached a u14 boy team to 27-4 record and win a local tittle , im by no means a pro or expert but a person who enjoys the tactical side of basketball. English isnt my native language so i apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes, i have tried my best to explain as simple as possible and provide video for every play, if you like this content i can make more let me know . My main reason to do this is because i want wnba to grow and i wanna show case that in my personal humble opinion coaching is an issue for Fever.
All videos in this example are free to watch for everyone on wnba app or youtube i did not break any copyright laws etc, just given links to said material this is for the mods coz its big wall of text.
Brink looked the best rookie in her first game, she also seem to fit the game plan really will making alot of room and making centers follow her outside 3 point line( so switch/defense colapsed )coz of her 3 point ability, and she hit one very early so they had to respect her shooting. She dragged people out on couple of play and open free lanes for free layup, this is something you dont see on the stat sheet, but if you watched the game you will have noticed. That`s why people saying is coaching issue, because even tho brink replacement is in my opinion non wnba talent in tank commander Li Yueru28, the team plays different with Brink in and out, and you can tell they are coached that way, for example brink will camp in dunker spots and 'trigger' to run as soon as hand off is done or screen, so she goes to do another stagger screen or hand off action depending, its aways the same meaning it was practiced.
example 1 timestamp yt for brink action/coached Look how they have to swap taller player for her, but then in the paint once she starts to drive is 3enemy players inside the paint , meaning alot of people left open ,easy good look( again coached she starts at dunk spot before hand off)
example 2 similar play to what golden state runs with number 10 here being like curry, and going back door, if they switch and cover cam she will be free because there isnt enough people to cover ,but then weak side 3 corner will
In this case if brink get favorable matchup she can go for layup if not number 10 will be open for a pass similar to play 1 again coached you can tell because the hand off/pass trigger the movement
example 3 again 'trigger action is starting' as soon as ball is passed to Brink, this is same as before look for penetration and miss match and kick out if defense colapses
example 4 abuse weak side defender and miss match, again look that nurse on top of the key is 'triggered' as soon as the ball is exchanged again this means coaching/trained 9/10 time) once she cuts, now there will be over reaction to help coz of her dominant hand being free for layup, this means either Brink or top of the elbow shooter will be open again they execute as practice and get a good look. you can see that number 32 has to react and help with nurse therefore leaving some1 open
Now if you follow the play before you will see similar variation, but in this case Jackson as rookie dosnt sit at her position but goes a bit closer she should be at the corner like Cam for 3 like nurse is at the elbow like last possesion This is how you can tell its coached, good spacing because Nurse is in exact same spot and Rickea should have done the same but she is a rookie therefore you can blame that on the rookie but you can see its good coaching UNLIKE FEVER OFFENSE They get a bucket off it as well instead of kicking it out for 3
example 5 actually setting good/double screens action
Trigger is hemby passing the ball you will see cameron starts to move Exactly after that and hemby makes the screen that's the trigger, idea is to pull out one of the paint people for a drive or over reaction for open 3 corner(in this case nurse will come after brink screen and get a good look or camm will roll and do same play as example 1/2 and kick out or abuse matchup
So you can see how all this make sense, and why is coached because there is aways a 'trigger' or people move when something happens tldr is teached/coached.
Dallas/Chicago ( im trying to make compilation for teams that are around/below us to show why they are better coached already)
example 6 The art of rejecting the screen, have you seen us run even one play like that? well yeah exactly poor coaching. Pretty simple ,very popular very basic play in today day's and age, criminal that we dont do it.
How to properly react to over helping/teaming up tldr when people blitz 2man trap CC You make the easy pass the the open person often to your left/right in this case top of the key, you read the defense colapse (because already its 2v1 before the pass and some one is gonna step up on you the person who just got the ball then that person has to either
A)Drive
B)shoot open /non contested shot
D)keep moving the ball/abuse weak matchup/sleeping defender.
C) wait for screen action then pass to the weak side (same direction first pass came from)
In this case they see Reese who is a rookie have defensive relaps and pass behind her, because again reese shouldnt really help but she 'steps' away from her target and is caught ball watching. Madi did couple of passes like that, and CC and other pg's in this team have the ability to make this simple passes, but the problem is there is no one to help cc when she get double teamed.
Example 7 of coached play with 'trigger'
Double screen action for deep 3 or roll with open free throw line passing lane to weak side/drive.
trigger is number #1 (williams) not keep going to dunker spot but stoping and preparing to do the SECOND screen thats how you can tell this is COACHED AND TRAINED Default play here is to keep penetration obviously not stop her run there for 'no reason'
I also want you to keep in mind that by the end of the play after second screen far 3 is open in this frame you can see her defending steping up to cover roll and free throw passing lane as i mention below leaving the shooter open with alot of space The idea here is the first screener that gets reject dosnt roll so you leave passing lane open for the 3 pointer (aka free throw line to be clear for drive or clear pass of the second screeneroller if you roll you will make the defender of weak side close to hes target and also clog the passing lane) If they don`t step up you take the long 3 (perfect for cc)
here is more in depth and you can see exact same play via golden state
**so again this is also how you can tell this is coached not some random stuff, i want you to find me double screen action from fever GAME THIS SEASON , thank you.

**

Example 8 very early middle of the field screen for ball handler CC +roll and abusing weakness /bad matchup Trigger is obvious even maubrey signals for it with her hand running up to set the screen again coached not something you 'come up' on the spot with.Have you seen a single fever player go deep to set screen and signal yet? Yep exactly. Look how it fast it colapse the defense because of spacing you ahve open corner, you can pull it back to either screeners etc
example 9 using the correct people who usually cant shoot 3 or big to setup screen, move the ball all the way to the oposite side with screen for open 3
I want you to notice the speed and screens quality/ball movement the fact that there is also rookies and this is a team that many said will be below us(Fever) in standings.This isnt a coached/set play, this is just working around screens and playing good ball, the reason it happens is because yes there are few vets doing a good job but the point is most have this team below us in the standings because we have the talent, do we have the coaching, that is up to you to decide and i guess the front office. Notice as i said before people setting up screens are not the 3 point shooters ( like often we will see coach want cc or Katie Lou Samuelson setup screens???? while forward/center Boston etc is afk in paint doing nothing?) In this case brink is Unicorn and can shoot 3 but the idea is the same boston and smith should be coming up setting screens not CC (this is what the coach has said in 2 press conferences now she want CC to setup screens, its wild)
Example 10 Coached/practiced inbound play, trigger is when Lexie Brown start running, notice that this is very similar to previous play cameron is in the same position as previous 3 play to setup the screen.
This is very good for Rookies give them few simple spots to learn and then include them in plays without telling them all the stuff they dont need to know, just keep it simple
Example 11 dealing with double team trap, finding the correct and having people step up outside the paint to offer pass options.Using rookie to setup a screen and roll to create space/have defender follow her
If this is fever, Hamby is Smith she needs to move to prepare another screen or offer option for pass not stayin still in paint, Boston has to be cam(or reversed role with smith either way works but boston is slower then smith), and then roll to take the person away, corner shooters should be mitchel and lou ,ball handler cc. Look how simple it is, you just need the correct players to do the correct things, this is all rookies, and a team that is in theory expected to finish below us in standings. But if we watch fever the wrong people are going up for screens, and we often have people staying in same spot for 10 sec doing nothing, i dont know why, its coaching thing 100%.
Another 2man trap into a bucket Aagain keep eye how brink (boston) should position her self for a pass over the top, while keeping defender away from the action, then hemby ( smith or w/e instead of going to clog the paint or staying still has to offer pass option once again).
Here is example what happens in Fever game so you can see the difference when cc gets trapped
Boston is turbo late, smith dosnt even offer a passing lane and there is 3 people next to clark while boston is not even in the picture yet , notice the difference? From speed to overall positioning and reaction this is coaching 101 dont doubt it. Not a single screen deep unlike the examples above, hell boston didnt even offer a passing line or screen till 4-5 sec later then she should have.
example 12 just running good off the ball and creating space for a shooter, in this case can be either mitchel or katie, i pause with and try to show with my mouse how the person should go they do it pitch perfect off ball movement, also look at the spacing compared to fever.
Example of screen action of Fever here what should happen is in this play after Clark gets the ball of screen , Kristy Wallace need to be all the way in the corner boston has to roll OPOSITE OF HER aka left of CC so she can open lane for CC to drive and then hit the corner Wallace Should look like this sorry for paint job Green is CC line for her strong right hand, red is where people should roll,be position wise compared to original play(You can see how much easier pass and position is corner 3 if Krist wallace went to correct spot also moved her defender away from swiping the ball /contesting clark drive coz if she commits to clark, then kristy is open for 3. They end up scoring, but you can see the way i draw it and sparks play it is far better obviously, again this is down to coaching 100% and practice, this isnt about team synergy its ball 101 basics.
Example 13 inbound play difference Sparks play +good screens/off ball movement versus
Fever inbound play
I would like not to waste my breath on this coaching abomination, thank you.\
Example 14 just being a smart team mate, aways go help if you see double team dont stay still, well done Cameron Brink and Hamby
When you just play good bb iq plays and move without the ball and space well, good things happen if other rookies are coached to do it in such short time i see no reason why indiana can't be too. Even if you dont make the shots or the passs, as long as the movement is there people will be happy, this isnt the case right now. If i'm CC i will be pissed and mad too, because look how others play when team mates get trapped, and look how Indiana play and react when she is trapped or any one really.
Look at how many white shirts near her and how many team mates including nobody left of her in corner 3
Also how come people arrive like a good 3-4 sec after her, is this a joke like? Obviously there is some disconect between the speed she wants to play and they are coached
Example 15 how much faster sparks 'counter attack' and move up the fieldyou can see even brink makes it there full sprint as one of the tallest players and a rookie for rebound if needed]( , you all saw this play today do you see any indiana players? yeah exactly.
Thank you for taking the time to comment/watch even if this helps 2-3 people get better idea of why people are saying indiana isnt coached well i will be happy, if you want further content like this i will be happy to provide so, i'm doing it becasue i enjoy the game i dont need YT subscribers or likes or anything like that :)
Have a good day everyone, and hopefully we see a better coach for the fever soon enough.
TLDR
even basic screen action is lacking, lack of practice of 'set pieces ( think like soccer free kick/corners ) in this case inbound vs sparks inbound vs fever inbound
2man trap sparks into a bucket vs Fever spacing and nobody coming to open up a passing lane or help out
A simple 101 and popular 2 screen/reject action run by any team but we havent even seen a single such play from Fever

1991 (Aug. 13, 1991-Dec. 31, 1991):

1. F-ZERO (Launch Title)
   
2. Gradius III (Launch Title)
   
3. Pilotwings (Launch Title)
   
4. SimCity (Launch Title)
   
5. Super Mario World (Launch Title)
   
6. Drakkhen
   
7. Final Fight
   
8. HAL's Hole in One Golf
   
9. HyperZone
   
10. Populous
    
11. Super Bases Loaded
    
12. Super R-Type
    
13. The Chessmaster
    
14. U.N. Squadron
    
15. Ultraman: Towards the Future
    
16. Final Fantasy II
    
17. ActRaiser
    
18. Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball
    
19. Darius Twin
    
20. John Madden Football
    
21. Paperboy 2
    
22. Radical Psycho Machine Racing
    
23. Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts
    
24. Super Tennis
    
25. True Golf Classics: Waialae Country Club
    
26. Super Castlevania IV
    
27. D-Force
    
28. Home Alone
    
29. Lagoon
    
30. Super Baseball Simulator 1.000
    
31. Super Off Road
    
32. The Miracle Piano Teaching System
    

1992 (Jan. 1, 1992-Dec. 31, 1992):

1. Earth Defense Force
   
2. Joe & Mac
   
3. Ys III: Wanderers from Ys
   
4. Nolan Ryan's Baseball
   
5. Super Scope 6
   
6. Super Smash TV
   
7. The Legend of the Mystical Ninja
   
8. Extra Innings
   
9. Lemmings
   
10. PGA Tour Golf
    
11. Pit-Fighter
    
12. Smart Ball
    
13. The Addams Family
    
14. WWF Super WrestleMania
    
15. Contra III: The Alien Wars
    
16. Raiden Trad
    
17. Rival Turf!
    
18. Super Adventure Island
    
19. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
    
20. Top Gear
    
21. True Golf Classics: Pebble Beach Golf Links
    
22. World League Soccer
    
23. Xardion
    
24. Arcana
    
25. Jack Nicklaus Golf
    
26. Mario Paint
    
27. Romance of the Three Kingdoms II
    
28. Super Soccer
    
29. The Rocketeer
    
30. Garry Kitchen's Super Battletank: War in the Gulf
    
31. Krusty's Super Fun House
    
32. Space Football: One on One
    
33. Super Soccer Champ
    
34. Thunder Spirits
    
35. Clue
    
36. Spanky's Quest
    
37. Street Fighter II: The World Warrior
    
38. Ka-blooey
    
39. Magic Sword
    
40. Rampart
    
41. Soul Blazer
    
42. Strike Gunner S.T.G.
    
43. Super Play Action Football
    
44. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time
    
45. Axelay
    
46. DinoCity
    
47. F1 ROC: Race of Champions
    
48. Faceball 2000
    
49. George Foreman's KO Boxing
    
50. Monopoly
    
51. RoboCop 3
    
52. Roger Clemens' MVP Baseball
    
53. Super Bowling
    
54. Super Mario Kart
    
55. The Simpsons: Bart's Nightmare
    
56. Wheel of Fortune: Featuring Vanna White
    
57. Final Fantasy Mystic Quest
    
58. Battle Clash
    
59. BlaZeon: The Bio-Cyborg Challenge
    
60. David Crane's Amazing Tennis
    
61. Desert Strike: Return to the Gulf
    
62. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
    
63. Hook
    
64. James Bond Jr.
    
65. King of the Monsters
    
66. NCAA Basketball
    
67. Phalanx
    
68. Q*bert 3
    
69. Race Drivin'
    
70. Sküljagger: Revolt of the Westicans
    
71. Space Megaforce
    
72. Super Batter Up
    
73. Super Buster Bros.
    
74. Super Double Dragon
    
75. The Irem Skins Game
    
76. TKO Super Championship Boxing
    
77. Wings 2: Aces High
    
78. Bazooka Blitzkrieg
    
79. Best of the Best: Championship Karate
    
80. Captain Novolin
    
81. Chuck Rock
    
82. Cyber Spin
    
83. Firepower 2000
    
84. GunForce
    
85. Imperium
    
86. John Madden Football '93
    
87. On the Ball
    
88. Out of This World
    
89. Prince of Persia
    
90. Road Riot 4WD
    
91. Road Runner's Death Valley Rally
    
92. Spider-Man and the X-Men in Arcade's Revenge
    
93. Super Star Wars
    
94. Wing Commander
    
95. Wordtris
    
96. X-Zone
    
97. Bulls vs. Blazers and the NBA Playoffs
    
98. Cal Ripken Jr. Baseball
    
99. Chester Cheetah: Too Cool to Fool
    
100. Gemfire
     
101. Goal!
     
102. Gods: The Bitmap Brothers
     
103. Jeopardy!
     
104. Jimmy Connors Pro Tennis Tour
     
105. Lethal Weapon
     
106. Musya
     
107. NBA All-Star Challenge
     
108. NHLPA Hockey '93
     
109. Pro Quarterback
     
110. Push-Over
     
111. Test Drive II: The Duel
     
112. The Magical Quest starring Mickey Mouse
     
113. WarpSpeed
     

1993 (Jan. 1, 1993-Dec. 31, 1993):

1. California Games II
   
2. Power Moves
   
3. The Hunt for Red October
   
4. Uncharted Waters
   
5. Aerobiz
   
6. Cool World
   
7. Dragon's Lair
   
8. Harley's Humongous Adventure
   
9. Hit the Ice
   
10. Shanghai II: Dragon's Eye
    
11. SimEarth: The Living Planet
    
12. Sonic Blast Man
    
13. Super Valis IV
    
14. The Addams Family: Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt
    
15. Tiny Toon Adventures: Buster Busts Loose!
    
16. Doomsday Warrior
    
17. Inindo: Way of the Ninja
    
18. King Arthur's World
    
19. Spindizzy Worlds
    
20. Star Fox
    
21. Super Conflict: The Mideast
    
22. Super Strike Eagle
    
23. Tecmo Super NBA Basketball
    
24. The Combatribes
    
25. American Gladiators
    
26. Batman Returns
    
27. Battle Grand Prix
    
28. Brawl Brothers
    
29. Cybernator
    
30. Fatal Fury
    
31. Outlander
    
32. Street Combat
    
33. Super Ninja Boy
    
34. The Lost Vikings
    
35. The Terminator
    
36. Tom and Jerry
    
37. Toys
    
38. Wayne's World
    
39. Alien³
    
40. Bubsy in: Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind
    
41. Congo's Caper
    
42. MechWarrior
    
43. Shadowrun
    
44. Super Black Bass
    
45. Super Turrican
    
46. Taz-Mania
    
47. Vegas Stakes
    
48. Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?
    
49. Rock n' Roll Racing
    
50. Run Saber
    
51. B.O.B.
    
52. Battletoads in Battlemaniacs
    
53. Cacoma Knight in Bizyland
    
54. Dungeon Master
    
55. Family Dog
    
56. Kawasaki Caribbean Challenge
    
57. Mario is Missing!
    
58. Pocky & Rocky
    
59. Super High Impact
    
60. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends
    
61. The Blues Brothers
    
62. The Great Waldo Search
    
63. Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
    
64. Wolfchild
    
65. WWF Royal Rumble
    
66. Yoshi's Cookie
    
67. E.V.O.: Search for Eden
    
68. First Samurai
    
69. Disney's Goof Troop
    
70. NFL Football
    
71. Nigel Mansell's World Championship Racing
    
72. Super Baseball 2020
    
73. Super James Pond
    
74. Super Slam Dunk
    
75. Final Fight 2
    
76. Street Fighter II Turbo: Hyper Fighting
    
77. Super Mario All-Stars
    
78. Super Slap Shot
    
79. Mortal Kombat: Competition Edition
    
80. Alien vs. Predator
    
81. Boxing Legends of the Ring
    
82. Bram Stoker's Dracula
    
83. Captain America and the Avengers
    
84. Cool Spot
    
85. GP-1
    
86. Mecarobot Golf
    
87. Operation Logic Bomb: The Ultimate Search & Destroy
    
88. P.T.O.
    
89. Plok
    
90. Redline F-1 Racer
    
91. Rocky Rodent
    
92. Super Bomberman
    
93. Super Off Road: the Baja
    
94. Super Widget
    
95. The 7th Saga
    
96. Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends: Adventure Series
    
97. Top Gear 2
    
98. Tuff E Nuff
    
99. Utopia: The Creation of a Nation
    
100. Wing Commander: The Secret Missions
     
101. World Heroes
     
102. Yoshi's Safari
     
103. Zombies Ate My Neighbors
     
104. Aero the Acro-Bat
     
105. Battletoads & Double Dragon: The Ultimate Team
     
106. Capcom's MVP Football
     
107. Cliffhanger
     
108. Daffy Duck: The Marvin Missions
     
109. Family Feud
     
110. Football Fury
     
111. Kendo Rage
     
112. Last Action Hero
     
113. Lock On
     
114. Madden NFL '94
     
115. NBA Showdown
     
116. NHL '94
     
117. Pac-Attack
     
118. Paladin's Quest
     
119. Secret of Mana
     
120. SimAnt
     
121. Sunset Riders
     
122. Super Caesars Palace
     
123. Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
     
124. The Incredible Crash Dummies
     
125. The Ren & Stimpy Show: Veediots!
     
126. The Super Aquatic Games Starring the Aquabats
     
127. The Wizard of Oz
     
128. Troddlers
     
129. True Golf Classics: Wicked 18
     
130. ActRaiser 2
     
131. Disney's Aladdin
     
132. BioMetal
     
133. Championship Pool
     
134. ClayFighter
     
135. International Tennis Tour
     
136. Jurassic Park
     
137. Lamborghini American Challenge
     
138. NHL Stanley Cup
     
139. Out to Lunch
     
140. Pink Goes to Hollywood
     
141. Ranma ½: Hard Battle
     
142. RoboCop Versus The Terminator
     
143. Steel Talons
     
144. Super Battleship
     
145. Super Putty
     
146. Tecmo Super Bowl
     
147. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
     
148. The Lawnmower Man
     
149. Time Slip
     
150. Tony Meola's Sidekicks Soccer
     
151. Total Carnage
     
152. We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story
     
153. ABC Monday Night Football
     
154. Art of Fighting
     
155. Barbie: Super Model
     
156. Battle Blaze
     
157. Battle Cars
     
158. Beethoven: The Ultimate Canine Caper
     
159. Dennis the Menace
     
160. Dig & Spike Volleyball
     
161. F1 Pole Position
     
162. Genghis Khan II: Clan of the Gray Wolf
     
163. Inspector Gadget
     
164. Jim Power: The Lost Dimension in 3-D
     
165. Lufia & the Fortress of Doom
     
166. Mario's Time Machine
     
167. Metal Combat: Falcon's Revenge
     
168. Metal Marines
     
169. Nobunaga's Ambition
     
170. Romance of the Three Kingdoms III: Dragon of Destiny
     
171. Side Pocket
     
172. Soldiers of Fortune
     
173. Super Chase H.Q.
     
174. Super Nova
     
175. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters
     
176. The Adventures of Dr. Franken
     
177. World Soccer '94: Road to Glory
     

1994 (Jan. 1, 1994-Dec. 31, 1994):

1. Brett Hull Hockey
   
2. Choplifter III
   
3. Lester the Unlikely
   
4. Lethal Enforcers
   
5. Mega Man X
   
6. Riddick Bowe Boxing
   
7. Skyblazer
   
8. Super Battletank 2
   
9. Super Solitaire
   
10. Zool: Ninja of the Nth Dimension
    
11. Ardy Lightfoot
    
12. Bill Walsh College Football
    
13. Bugs Bunny: Rabbit Rampage
    
14. Flashback: The Quest for Identity
    
15. Mickey's Ultimate Challenge
    
16. Ninja Warriors
    
17. Pro Sport Hockey
    
18. Sports Illustrated: Championship Football & Baseball
    
19. Super Alfred Chicken
    
20. 1. Super Bases Loaded 2
21. Super Troll Islands
    
22. T2: The Arcade Game
    
23. Turn and Burn: No-Fly Zone
    
24. Winter Olympic Games: Lillehammer '94
    
25. X-Kaliber 2097
    
26. Chester Cheetah: Wild Wild Quest
    
27. Claymates
    
28. Equinox
    
29. Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball
    
30. MLBPA Baseball
    
31. NBA Jam
    
32. Star Trek: The Next Generation - Future's Past
    
33. The Flintstones: The Treasure of Sierra Madrock
    
34. The Peace Keepers
    
35. Wolfenstein 3D
    
36. Young Merlin
    
37. Super Metroid
    
38. Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Eye of the Beholder
    
39. Bébé's Kids
    
40. Champions World Class Soccer
    
41. Dream T.V.
    
42. Fatal Fury 2
    
43. Joe & Mac 2: Lost in the Tropics
    
44. King of Dragons
    
45. Knights of the Round
    
46. Legend
    
47. Liberty or Death
    
48. Mega Man Soccer
    
49. Pinball Dreams
    
50. Rocko's Modern Life: Spunky's Dangerous Day
    
51. SOS
    
52. Super Goal! 2
    
53. Time Trax
    
54. Ultima: The False Prophet
    
55. Wheel of Fortune: Deluxe Edition
    
56. Wizardry V: Heart of the Maelstrom
    
57. Andre Agassi Tennis
    
58. ClayFighter: Tournament Edition
    
59. ESPN Baseball Tonight
    
60. FIFA International Soccer
    
61. Jeopardy! Sports Edition
    
62. Relief Pitcher
    
63. Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon
    
64. Space Ace
    
65. Spectre
    
66. Suzuka 8 Hours
    
67. The Pirates of Dark Water
    
68. ESPN SpeedWorld
    
69. Barkley: Shut Up and Jam!
    
70. Capcom's Soccer Shootout
    
71. Championship Soccer '94
    
72. Final Fight Guy
    
73. HardBall III
    
74. Hyper V-Ball
    
75. Jeopardy! Deluxe Edition
    
76. King of the Monsters 2
    
77. Natsume Championship Wrestling
    
78. Operation Europe: Path to Victory 1939-45
    
79. Saturday Night Slam Masters
    
80. Super Street Fighter II: The New Challengers
    
81. The Jetsons: Invasion of the Planet Pirates
    
82. The Ren & Stimpy Show: Fire Dogs
    
83. The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang
    
84. Tommy Moe's Winter Extreme: Skiing & Snowboarding
    
85. Ultimate Fighter
    
86. World Cup USA '94
    
87. Disney's Beauty and the Beast
    
88. F1 ROC II: Race of Champions
    
89. Stunt Race FX
    
90. Super Godzilla
    
91. Breath of Fire
    
92. Aerobiz Supersonic
    
93. An American Tail: Fievel Goes West
    
94. Brain Lord
    
95. Double Dragon V: The Shadow Falls
    
96. Eek! The Cat
    
97. Elite Soccer
    
98. Fighter's History
    
99. Fun 'n Games
    
100. Mr. Nutz
     
101. Tetris 2
     
102. The Adventures of Kid Kleets
     
103. The Death and Return of Superman
     
104. The Incredible Hulk
     
105. Disney's The Jungle Book
     
106. The Untouchables
     
107. Troy Aikman NFL Football
     
108. Kid Klown in Crazy Chase
     
109. Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage
     
110. Blackthorne
     
111. Illusion of Gaia
     
112. Mario's Early Years: Fun with Numbers
     
113. Michael Andretti's Indy Car Challenge
     
114. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
     
115. Mortal Kombat II
     
116. Obitus
     
117. Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures
     
118. Super Bomberman 2
     
119. Tecmo Super Baseball
     
120. Virtual Bart
     
121. Vortex
     
122. WildSnake
     
123. World Heroes 2
     
124. Final Fantasy III
     
125. Adventures of Yogi Bear
     
126. Disney's Bonkers
     
127. Bubsy II
     
128. Earthworm Jim
     
129. Firestriker
     
130. HammerLock Wrestling
     
131. Indiana Jones' Greatest Adventures
     
132. J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings: Volume 1
     
133. Lord of Darkness
     
134. Mario's Early Years: Fun with Letters
     
135. Math Blaster: Episode 1
     
136. Mickey Mania: The Timeless Adventures of Mickey Mouse
     
137. NBA Live '95
     
138. NCAA Football
     
139. Operation Thunderbolt
     
140. R-Type III: The Third Lightning
     
141. Radical Rex
     
142. Robotrek
     
143. Shaq-Fu
     
144. Shien's Revenge
     
145. Snow White in Happily Ever After
     
146. Sparkster
     
147. Super Adventure Island II
     
148. Super Punch-Out!!
     
149. Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
     
150. The Great Circus Mystery Starring Mickey & Minnie
     
151. Disney's The Lion King
     
152. Uncharted Waters: New Horizons
     
153. Donkey Kong Country
     
154. 3 Ninjas Kick Back
     
155. ACME Animation Factory
     
156. Aero Fighters
     
157. Aero the Acro-Bat 2
     
158. Al Unser Jr.'s Road to the Top
     
159. Animaniacs
     
160. Ballz 3D
     
161. Bassin's Black Bass with Hank Parker
     
162. Beavis and Butt-Head
     
163. Cannondale Cup
     
164. Demon's Crest
     
165. Dragon View
     
166. ESPN Sunday Night NFL
     
167. Ghoul Patrol
     
168. Home Improvement
     
169. Jammit
     
170. Jurassic Park Part 2: The Chaos Continues
     
171. Lemmings 2: The Tribes
     
172. Madden NFL '95
     
173. Mario's Early Years: Preschool Fun
     
174. Mary Shelley's Frankenstein
     
175. Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City
     
176. Newman/Haas Indy Car featuring Nigel Mansell
     
177. NHL '95
     
178. Nickelodeon GUTS
     
179. No Escape
     
180. Pitfall: The Mayan Adventure
     
181. Pocky & Rocky 2
     
182. Samurai Shodown
     
183. Sonic Blast Man II
     
184. Speed Racer in My Most Dangerous Adventures
     
185. Stone Protectors
     
186. Street Hockey '95
     
187. Super Bonk
     
188. Super Pinball: Behind the Mask
     
189. The Pagemaster
     
190. The Ren & Stimpy Show: Time Warp
     
191. Tin Star
     
192. TNN Bass Tournament of Champions
     
193. Ultima: Runes of Virtue II
     
194. Ultima: The Black Gate
     
195. WCW SuperBrawl Wrestling
     
196. Wolverine: Adamantium Rage
     
197. WWF Raw
     
198. X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse
     
199. Zero the Kamikaze Squirrel
     
200. Biker Mice from Mars
     
201. Brutal: Paws of Fury
     
202. ESPN National Hockey Night
     
203. GP-1: Part II
     
204. Hurricanes
     
205. Metal Morph
     
206. Micro Machines
     
207. NFL Quarterback Club
     
208. Pieces
     
209. Power Instinct
     
210. Rise of the Robots
     
211. Star Trek: Starfleet Academy – Starship Bridge Simulator
     
212. Street Racer
     
213. Tetris & Dr. Mario
     
214. The Adventures of Batman & Robin
     
215. The Tick
     
216. Tiny Toon Adventures: Wacky Sports Challenge
     
217. Uniracers
     
218. Wario's Woods
     
219. Super Game Boy (if counts)
     

1995 (Jan. 1, 1995-Dec. 31, 1995):

1. A.S.P. Air Strike Patrol
   
2. BreakThru!
   
3. Brett Hull Hockey 95
   
4. Carrier Aces
   
5. ClayFighter 2: Judgment Clay
   
6. Full Throttle: All-American Racing
   
7. Mega Man X2
   
8. Might and Magic III: Isles of Terra
   
9. Pac-In-Time
   
10. Rap Jam: Volume One
    
11. seaQuest DSV
    
12. Tecmo Super Bowl II: Special Edition
    
13. The Ignition Factor
    
14. NBA Jam: Tournament Edition
    
15. Addams Family Values
    
16. The Adventures of Mighty Max
    
17. Brandish
    
18. Kirby's Avalanche
    
19. Kirby's Dream Course
    
20. Looney Tunes B-Ball
    
21. NCAA Final Four Basketball
    
22. Pinball Fantasies
    
23. Rise of the Phoenix
    
24. Spider-Man: The Animated Series
    
25. Super Bases Loaded 3: License to Steal
    
26. The Flintstones : The Movie
    
27. Top Gear 3000
    
28. True Lies
    
29. Bust-A-Move
    
30. Sterling Sharpe: End 2 End
    
31. The Itchy & Scratchy Game
    
32. Warlock
    
33. Fatal Fury Special
    
34. Kyle Petty's No Fear Racing
    
35. Metal Warriors
    
36. Stargate
    
37. The Ren & Stimpy Show: Buckaroo$!
    
38. Timecop
    
39. Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen
    
40. EarthBound
    
41. Air Cavalry
    
42. Bass Masters Classic
    
43. Hagane: The Final Conflict
    
44. International Superstar Soccer
    
45. Judge Dredd
    
46. Jungle Strike
    
47. Justice League Task Force
    
48. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
    
49. Packy & Marlon
    
50. Phantom 2040
    
51. Super R.B.I. Baseball
    
52. The Sporting News: Baseball
    
53. Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story
    
54. King Arthur and the Knights of Justice
    
55. Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV: Wall of Fire
    
56. Tecmo Secret of the Stars
    
57. Wild Guns
    
58. Ninja Gaiden Trilogy
    
59. Chrono Trigger
    
60. Primal Rage
    
61. Batman Forever
    
62. Captain Commando
    
63. Demolition Man
    
64. Killer Instinct
    
65. Speedy Gonzales: Los Gatos Bandidos
    
66. SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron
    
67. DOOM
    
68. Mega Man 7
    
69. Bronkie the Bronchiasaurus
    
70. Castlevania: Dracula X
    
71. Foreman For Real
    
72. Head-On Soccer
    
73. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Fighting Edition
    
74. NHL '96
    
75. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine – Crossroads of Time
    
76. WeaponLord
    
77. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
    
78. Mortal Kombat 3
    
79. Big Sky Trooper
    
80. MechWarrior 3050
    
81. NBA Live '96
    
82. Nosferatu
    
83. Porky Pig's Haunted Holiday
    
84. Secret of Evermore
    
85. Spawn: The Video Game
    
86. Tecmo Super Bowl III: Final Edition
    
87. The Mask
    
88. Madden NFL '96
    
89. AAAHH!! Real Monsters
    
90. Dirt Trax FX
    
91. Doom Troopers
    
92. Earthworm Jim 2
    
93. Emmitt Smith Football
    
94. FIFA Soccer '96
    
95. Frank Thomas Big Hurt Baseball
    
96. International Superstar Soccer Deluxe
    
97. Izzy's Quest for the Olympic Rings
    
98. Jimmy Houston's Bass Tournament U.S.A.
    
99. NBA Give 'N Go
    
100. NFL Quarterback Club 96
     
101. Scooby-Doo Mystery
     
102. Sid Meier's Civilization
     
103. Venom/Spider-Man: Separation Anxiety
     
104. Super Turrican 2
     
105. Urban Strike
     
106. Wild C.A.T.s
     
107. WWF WrestleMania: The Arcade Game
     
108. Boogerman: A Pick and Flick Adventure
     
109. Breath of Fire II
     
110. Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest
     
111. Kawasaki Superbike Challenge
     
112. P.T.O. II: Pacific Theater of Operations
     
113. Revolution X
     
114. Syndicate
     
115. Disney's Toy Story
     
116. War 2410
     
117. Wayne Gretzky and the NHLPA All-Stars
     
118. Zoop
     

1996-1998 (Jan. 1, 1996-Dec. 31, 1998):

1. Final Fight 3
   
2. Mega Man X3
   
3. PGA Tour '96
   
4. Prehistorik Man
   
5. Sink or Swim
   
6. College Slam
   
7. Cutthroat Island
   
8. Frantic Flea
   
9. Mark Davis' The Fishing Master
   
10. The Brainies
    
11. Power Piggs of the Dark Age
    
12. Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars
    
13. Ken Griffey Jr.'s Winning Run
    
14. Olympic Summer Games: Atlanta 1996
    
15. Bass Masters Classic: Pro Edition
    
16. Lufia II: Rise of the Sinistrals
    
17. Magic Boy
    
18. Mohawk & Headphone Jack
    
19. Tetris Attack
    
20. Kirby Super Star
    
21. Ms. Pac-Man
    
22. PGA European Tour
    
23. Power Rangers Zeo: Battle Racers
    
24. Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3
    
25. Madden NFL '97
    
26. NHL '97
    
27. Oscar
    
28. Prince of Persia 2: The Shadow and the Flame
    
29. War 3010: The Revolution
    
30. Williams Arcade's Greatest Hits
    
31. Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble
    
32. Marvel Super Heroes in War of the Gems
    
33. Maui Mallard in Cold Shadow
    
34. NBA Hang Time
    
35. Disney's Pinocchio
    
36. SimCity 2000
    
37. Street Fighter Alpha 2
    
38. Whizz
    
39. Casper
    
40. College Football USA '97
    
41. Incantation
    
42. Mr. Do!
    
43. NBA Live '97
    
44. Realm
    
45. FIFA Soccer '97
    
46. Lost Vikings 2
    
47. Harvest Moon
    
48. Brunswick World: Tournament of Champions
    
49. Midway Presents Arcade's Greatest Hits: The Atari Collection 1
    
50. Kirby's Dream Land 3
    
51. Arkanoid: Doh It Again
    
52. Madden NFL '98
    
53. Space Invaders
    
54. Timon & Pumbaa's Jungle Games
    
55. NHL '98
    
56. NBA Live '98
    
57. Frogger
    

Plus, there are 716 Super Nintendo Entertainment System video games in North America.

FT: Brighton & Hove Albion 0-2 Chelsea

Venue: American Express Stadium
Auto-refreshing reddit comments link
LINE-UPS
Brighton & Hove Albion
Bart Verbruggen, Lewis Dunk (Valentín Barco), Adam Webster, Igor Julio , Tariq Lamptey (Odeluga Offiah), Julio Enciso (Ansu Fati), Billy Gilmour (Carlos Baleba), Pascal Groß, João Pedro , Simon Adingra, Facundo Buonanotte (Danny Welbeck).
Subs: Noël Atom, Jakub Moder, Adam Lallana, Jason Steele.
^{____________________________}
Chelsea
Djordje Petrovic, Benoît Badiashile, Trevoh Chalobah, Marc Cucurella, Malo Gusto (Reece James), Cole Palmer, Conor Gallagher, Moisés Caicedo, Nicolas Jackson (Thiago Silva), Mykhailo Mudryk (Christopher Nkunku), Noni Madueke (Raheem Sterling).
Subs: Levi Colwill, Cesare Casadei, Ben Chilwell, Lesley Ugochukwu, Marcus Bettinelli.
MATCH EVENTS via ESPN
29' Lewis Dunk (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
34' Goal! Brighton and Hove Albion 0, Chelsea 1. Cole Palmer (Chelsea) header from the centre of the box to the high centre of the goal. Assisted by Marc Cucurella with a cross.
42' Substitution, Chelsea. Christopher Nkunku replaces Mykhailo Mudryk because of an injury.
45' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Valentín Barco replaces Lewis Dunk because of an injury.
64' Goal! Brighton and Hove Albion 0, Chelsea 2. Christopher Nkunku (Chelsea) right footed shot from the centre of the box to the centre of the goal. Assisted by Malo Gusto.
69' Substitution, Chelsea. Raheem Sterling replaces Noni Madueke.
69' Substitution, Chelsea. Reece James replaces Malo Gusto.
70' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Carlos Baleba replaces Billy Gilmour.
70' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Danny Welbeck replaces Facundo Buonanotte.
77' Raheem Sterling (Chelsea) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
79' Moisés Caicedo (Chelsea) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
81' Bart Verbruggen (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
85' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Odeluga Offiah replaces Tariq Lamptey.
85' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Ansu Fati replaces Julio Enciso.
88' Reece James (Chelsea) is shown the red card for violent conduct.
90' Substitution, Chelsea. Thiago Silva replaces Nicolas Jackson.
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FT: Brighton & Hove Albion 1-2 Chelsea

Venue: American Express Stadium
Auto-refreshing reddit comments link
LINE-UPS
Brighton & Hove Albion
Bart Verbruggen, Lewis Dunk (Valentín Barco), Adam Webster, Igor Julio , Tariq Lamptey (Odeluga Offiah), Julio Enciso (Ansu Fati), Billy Gilmour (Carlos Baleba), Pascal Groß, João Pedro , Simon Adingra, Facundo Buonanotte (Danny Welbeck).
Subs: Noël Atom, Jakub Moder, Adam Lallana, Jason Steele.
^{____________________________}
Chelsea
Djordje Petrovic, Benoît Badiashile, Trevoh Chalobah, Marc Cucurella, Malo Gusto (Reece James), Cole Palmer (Cesare Casadei), Conor Gallagher (Lesley Ugochukwu), Moisés Caicedo, Nicolas Jackson (Thiago Silva), Mykhailo Mudryk (Christopher Nkunku), Noni Madueke (Raheem Sterling).
Subs: Levi Colwill, Ben Chilwell, Marcus Bettinelli.
MATCH EVENTS via ESPN
29' Lewis Dunk (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
34' Goal! Brighton and Hove Albion 0, Chelsea 1. Cole Palmer (Chelsea) header from the centre of the box to the high centre of the goal. Assisted by Marc Cucurella with a cross.
42' Substitution, Chelsea. Christopher Nkunku replaces Mykhailo Mudryk because of an injury.
45' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Valentín Barco replaces Lewis Dunk because of an injury.
64' Goal! Brighton and Hove Albion 0, Chelsea 2. Christopher Nkunku (Chelsea) right footed shot from the centre of the box to the centre of the goal. Assisted by Malo Gusto.
69' Substitution, Chelsea. Raheem Sterling replaces Noni Madueke.
69' Substitution, Chelsea. Reece James replaces Malo Gusto.
70' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Carlos Baleba replaces Billy Gilmour.
70' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Danny Welbeck replaces Facundo Buonanotte.
77' Raheem Sterling (Chelsea) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
79' Moisés Caicedo (Chelsea) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
81' Bart Verbruggen (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
85' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Odeluga Offiah replaces Tariq Lamptey.
85' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Ansu Fati replaces Julio Enciso.
88' Reece James (Chelsea) is shown the red card for violent conduct.
90' Substitution, Chelsea. Thiago Silva replaces Nicolas Jackson.
90'+7' Goal! Brighton and Hove Albion 1, Chelsea 2. Danny Welbeck (Brighton and Hove Albion) right footed shot from the left side of the six yard box to the bottom left corner. Assisted by João Pedro with a cross.
90'+9' Substitution, Chelsea. Cesare Casadei replaces Cole Palmer.
90'+9' Substitution, Chelsea. Lesley Ugochukwu replaces Conor Gallagher because of an injury.
^{Don't see a thread for a match you're watching? Click here to learn how to request a match thread from this bot.}

FT: Brighton & Hove Albion 1-2 Chelsea

Venue: American Express Stadium
Auto-refreshing reddit comments link
LINE-UPS
Brighton & Hove Albion
Bart Verbruggen, Lewis Dunk (Valentín Barco), Adam Webster, Igor Julio , Tariq Lamptey (Odeluga Offiah), Julio Enciso (Ansu Fati), Billy Gilmour (Carlos Baleba), Pascal Groß, João Pedro , Simon Adingra, Facundo Buonanotte (Danny Welbeck).
Subs: Noël Atom, Jakub Moder, Adam Lallana, Jason Steele.
^{____________________________}
Chelsea
Djordje Petrovic, Benoît Badiashile, Trevoh Chalobah, Marc Cucurella, Malo Gusto (Reece James), Cole Palmer (Cesare Casadei), Conor Gallagher (Lesley Ugochukwu), Moisés Caicedo, Nicolas Jackson (Thiago Silva), Mykhailo Mudryk (Christopher Nkunku), Noni Madueke (Raheem Sterling).
Subs: Levi Colwill, Ben Chilwell, Marcus Bettinelli.
MATCH EVENTS via ESPN
29' Lewis Dunk (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
34' Goal! Brighton and Hove Albion 0, Chelsea 1. Cole Palmer (Chelsea) header from the centre of the box to the high centre of the goal. Assisted by Marc Cucurella with a cross.
42' Substitution, Chelsea. Christopher Nkunku replaces Mykhailo Mudryk because of an injury.
45' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Valentín Barco replaces Lewis Dunk because of an injury.
64' Goal! Brighton and Hove Albion 0, Chelsea 2. Christopher Nkunku (Chelsea) right footed shot from the centre of the box to the centre of the goal. Assisted by Malo Gusto.
69' Substitution, Chelsea. Raheem Sterling replaces Noni Madueke.
69' Substitution, Chelsea. Reece James replaces Malo Gusto.
70' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Carlos Baleba replaces Billy Gilmour.
70' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Danny Welbeck replaces Facundo Buonanotte.
77' Raheem Sterling (Chelsea) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
79' Moisés Caicedo (Chelsea) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
81' Bart Verbruggen (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
85' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Odeluga Offiah replaces Tariq Lamptey.
85' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Ansu Fati replaces Julio Enciso.
88' Reece James (Chelsea) is shown the red card for violent conduct.
90' Substitution, Chelsea. Thiago Silva replaces Nicolas Jackson.
90'+7' Goal! Brighton and Hove Albion 1, Chelsea 2. Danny Welbeck (Brighton and Hove Albion) right footed shot from the left side of the six yard box to the bottom left corner. Assisted by João Pedro with a cross.
90'+9' Substitution, Chelsea. Cesare Casadei replaces Cole Palmer.
90'+9' Substitution, Chelsea. Lesley Ugochukwu replaces Conor Gallagher because of an injury.
^{Don't see a thread for a match you're watching? Click here to learn how to request a match thread from this bot.}

Before going into it, I want to mention how this post was inspired by three things. One was user u/HastyvonFuego2 and their post on going down the rabbit hole on the Kendrick sub last week. It was also inspired by Childish Gambino’s first album release in nearly 6 years where I have been sitting on this idea for a while but he inspired me to finally post this week like he did (never posted on Reddit at all before so be gentle if I am not doing it right)! I was also inspired by an interview Bino gave to GQ about breaking down his most iconic characters. In this interview he says how This is America started out as a Drake diss but then he realized the song was too hard for just Drake so he kept working on it. He also talks in this interview about how all culture is about compression. Which means that yes, This is America is about the gun violence and police issues in America, but compressed in this video is also more about where that culture comes from which he shows is from a small handful of rap moguls, namely Drake, Diddy and Jay-Z (bear with me on this long post, I think/hope it will be worth it). At the end I talk briefly about how Little Foot Big Foot might be in this same vein of cultural compression.
[Intro: Choir]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go away
The beginning of this song has no background music yet, which really gives it an ‘in the beginning’ feel. Then Gambino starts doing his dances with weird facial expressions. I will explain as we go through his video how those expressions and dance moves represent different famous rap moguls. One easy look to pick out right away is Jay-Z’s famous lip curl/growl look that Gambino gives with a head nod repeatedly. The colonial pants have been a hot topic, but since it’s only the pants that are colonial, Gambino is saying the bottom or basis for this violent culture in America is ultimately colonialism. The lyrics ‘Go Away’, are likely foreshadowing the rap moguls wanting other popular rap rivals to ‘go away’ or they will make them (aka murder them) for profit.
[Bridge: Childish Gambino & Young Thug]
We just wanna party
Party just for you
We just want the money
Money just for you (Yeah)
Usually you want money for yourself and to party for yourself, so this is a bit odd. But what Gambino is referring to is similar to these Diddy ‘freakoff parties’ we are hearing about where people who want to be famous are really partying for these rap moguls so they can get close to them. Where they suck up to them saying that they want to earn the mogul money from their songs.
I know you wanna party
Party just for free
Girl, you got me dancin' (Girl, you got me dancin')
Dance and shake the frame (Yeah)
Then this almost feels like the Diddy rebuttal where he’s like ya I know you want to party and you want to do it for free. Like Katt Williams says, “you gotta tell Diddy no”, it is never free to go to those parties. There are always consequences. When you are partying you are dancing, but shaking the frame could refer to how those boundaries/edges are being crossed, lines are blurred, etc.
Then in the video, the fellow who was playing the guitar gets shot and things turn dark from happy music. I believe that this guitar tune is meant to represent 2Pac and Nas’s song Thugz Mansion. It’s one of the original greats from ‘in the beginning’. Nas famously has always had major issues with Jay-Z too (More on why 2Pac and Nas later). It also represents how it was these moguls who murdered 2Pac like Jaguar Wright and Katt Williams keep saying. Where these murders only lead to more money and fame for the killers when the dead artists’ and their music are exploited more easily.
Also note that the gun gets taken away by a school kid after the shooting, more on this later as well.
[Verse 1: Childish Gambino, Young Thug, Blocboy JB & 21 Savage]
This is America (Skrrt, skrrt, woo)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Ayy)
Look how I'm livin' now
Police be trippin' now (Woo)
Yeah, this is America (Woo, ayy)
Guns in my area (Word, my area)
There is a song called Guns in My Area by Lil Weiner and Baby Chapox that paints a vivid picture of the everyday struggles and conflicts faced by those living in communities affected by gun violence. More compression of other songs and the American gun culture.
I got the strap (Ayy, ayy)
I gotta carry 'em
I am almost certain this line is referring to 2Pac’s song Changes. Throughout This is America, Gambino takes lines from Pac’s song: “They get jealous when they see you with your mobile phone” (referred to later in this a Celly, that’s tool) “That's the sound of my tool, you say it ain't cool, My mama didn't raise no fool”
“And as long as I stay black, I gotta stay strapped, And I never get to lay back” It seems like Gambino broke up these lyrics and scattered them throughout his song. This plays into the theme that everyone is using 2Pac and enriching themselves off of his image and music. I show below how this particular section of the video represents Diddy meaning that Diddy himself is exploiting his music (and alleging that Diddy killed Pac?). We could see this exploitation play out at length with how much Diddy milked the death of Biggie like in Every Breath You Take.
Yeah, yeah, I'ma go into this (Ugh)
Yeah, yeah, this is guerilla (Woo)
Yeah, yeah, I'ma go get the bag
The song Gorilla War by $uicideboy$ and Ramirez talks about getting a bag repeatedly in the course. Also in Otis with Kanye and Jay-Z their lyrics talk about going gorilla (I talk about this song more further down), so it could be referring to this as well. It seems like Gambino is trying to pull out lyrics from all across the rap culture and embed them in his song to highlight the ‘cultural compression’.
Yeah, yeah, I'm so cold like, yeah (Yeah)
I'm so dope like, yeah (Woo)
We gon' blow like, yeah (Straight up, uh)
I think that all of the school kids in the video represent all of the rappers that are signed with these big labels. Which is interesting because they are the ones facilitating the guns for the moguls in the video. You can see that the mogul is really focused on the kids and gets agitated and directs them to follow him whenever they stray off a bit like they are his pupils, or like he owns them. Then all of a sudden the camera comes into a scene where you can see more kids shooting a rap video and all shooting money from a Supreme gun. The camera zooms out almost to show you that this is the mogul’s whole rap empire they are looking over, all of their kids in one place (this empire already includes some chaos in the background). It’s subtle but hilarious, Gambino puts fricken chickens on the ground where the kids are filming the rap video. He is directly calling all of these rappers complete chickens for playing up this lifestyle and being the cause of so much chaos rather than coming out and telling somebody what’s really going on. Trying to get their money over everything else.
[Refrain: Choir & Childish Gambino]
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, tell somebody
You go tell somebody
Grandma told me
Get your money, Black man (Get your— Black man)
This is where things start to get interesting. Gambino is literally saying, go tell somebody about this! We all know what’s happening, why don’t you go let people know how bad it is? But like Jaguar Wright said, who do you tell when these moguls have the cops and feds paid off? This video is literally Gambino putting it all out there in this extremely popular song for everyone to see but yet we still just see the dancing and the violent chaos of people and police in the streets and not the root cause that is hidden in plain sight.
The vast majority of those who reviewed this video until now think this scene represents the tragic church shooting in Charleston in 2015. I think it does, but we also have to look at this from an angle of compression.
The people in the choir are all of the people who are currently singing the rap mogul’s praises and who are focused on going and getting what’s owed to them, get their money (who are also profiting off of the dead fellows music since it goes back to the original tune). You can see that each choir member has a distinct look to them. Think about who you are hearing about now who is about to be implicated in these freak offs and evil deeds. Is that Will Smith in the back left corner!? The short bald fellow in the front left maybe Kevin Hart? Rick Ross or TD Jakes maybe the bigger guy towards the back right? When the camera zooms in on the choir right at first to show their faces, doesn’t the guy in the bottom middle look like an uncanny version of Jordan Peele? Or is that meant to be Cuba Gooding Jr? Then just like the guitar fellow at the beginning, bang. You may be singing Diddy’s praises now, but he will cut you down whenever he suddenly feels like it.
I think almost for sure this initial section of the music video is Gambino acting as Diddy, because right after he shoots the choir, he does the elbow pump/chicken dance. At 3:14 in Diddy’s video for P.E. 2000 he does the chicken dance (he is up first in the video and I think Gambino is trying to say here I first present to you the first public enemy of 3 in this song). That elbow dance signals that it was Diddy and this is the end of his section.
[Chorus: Childish Gambino, Young Thug, Slim Jxmmi & Quavo]
This is America (Woo, ayy)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Woo, woo, don't catch you slippin' now)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Ayy, woah)
Look what I'm whippin' now (Slime!)
There have been many accounts of celebrities being given fancy cars after suffering abuse at the hands of these moguls. So these lyrics are saying that you better not slip up and tell people what’s really going on. And if you don’t look at this sweet carecord deal/movie contract I am going to give you. Beiber told this story about Diddy wanting to give him a luxury car.
Now suddenly, the dance switches from the chicken dance to a sudden bicep flex to signal us that we have now moved on from Gambino representing Diddy to our next mogul.
[Verse 2: Childish Gambino, Quavo, Young Thug, 21 Savage & BlocBoy JB]
This next chunk of the video is all about Jay-Z. I think this is the case because he throws his arms up in a bicep flex just like Jay does in the Otis music video at 2:38. And it makes sense Gambino would pick a dance move from a video with a huge American flag in the background to fit the ‘This is America’ theme. Gambino is mocking him saying, who are you really, the pretty guy or this hard gangster like Gambino shows in his dancing. Also right before they pan to the kids on the balcony, Bino also does Jay-Z’s signature lip curl look a couple times so we know it’s him and to signal the end of his section.
Look how I'm geekin' out (Hey)
I'm so fitted (I'm so fitted, woo)
Jay-Z is famous for making the fitted Yankees cap famous, it’s his signature look. More signs this verse is about Jay.
I'm on Gucci (I'm on Gucci)
Jay-Z has been seen in full wallpaper Gucci sweat suits but could also be referring to Gucci Mane who he hung out with at Beyonce’s tour around the time this song was released.
I'm so pretty (Yeah, yeah, woo)
I'm gon' get it (Ayy, I'm gon' get it)
Watch me move (Blaow)
These lines are probably referring to Jay-Z having a hidden preference for men, especially with the way Gambino flicks his wrist in the video when he says I’m so pretty.
This a celly (Ha)
That's a tool (Yeah)
On my Kodak (Woo) Black
I think that “this a celly, that’s a tool” harkens back to 2Pac’s lyrics in Changes where he sings, “They get jealous when they see ya with your mobile phone” then shortly after that he sings about the sound of his tool, referring to shooting a gun. But Childish flips these lyrics on their head. He is saying that it’s really the phone that’s a tool to be using, not a gun. And pans up and shows (the school kids specifically) on the balcony filming everything going on below. He’s telling the kids/other rappers, use your phone as a tool, you can record these bad deeds when you get blackmailed into being at the freak off. That’s how you can kill them and their career, not with a gun. Go tell somebody! There is also the reference to Kodak which plays into the picture taking theme, but also because Kodak Black has been accused of assaulting a teenage girl in a hotel room. So we have a good idea of what Gambino suggests all the kids start filming and collecting evidence of.
Ooh, know that (Yeah, know that, hold on)
Get it (Woo, get it, get it)
Ooh, work it (21)
Now we are onto Drake’s part. In the video Gambino starts doing the BlocBoy JB dance called Shoot. Drake is known for doing these little viral dance moves like in Hotline Bling. But not only that, this dance is also used in the song that both BlocBoy JB and Drake collaborate on for their video Look Alive. It starts at 2:07 in the Look Alive video. So this is Drake’s dance to signal his part is now starting.
Note this is where the pale horse rides by also potentially saying that Drake is one of the horsemen of the apocalypse. Interestingly, Drake’s collab with BlocBoy JB was pretty much the apocalypse for BlocBoy’s career, who hasn’t had a hit since.
Hunnid bands, hunnid bands, hunnid bands (Hunnid bands)
Contraband, contraband, contraband (Contraband)
I got the plug in Oaxaca (Woah)
They gonna find you like "blocka" (Blaow)
Again, we know this is Drake’s section because his song 10 bands starts out by saying “10 bands, 50 bands, 100 bands” almost identical to Bino’s lyrics here. Also Blocka was famously used by Biggie in his song Gimme the Loot which could be referring to Biggie's demise like Pac’s and making money from his death. Everything in this industry originates from pushing drugs, which has been alleged through the trafficking that Diddy, Jay-Z and Drake do through their private jets likely connected to their bosses, the Clive Davises and Lucian Grainges of the world. This escalates rap beefs and the whole culture to the next level where murder is often a consequence for young rappers in their prime when international drug lord money is involved.
An interesting point is this is the only time where Childish was about to shoot someone in the video, but where he didn’t have a school kid either handing him the gun or taking it away carefully from him. (Maybe also a diss at Drake that even though he acts hard he doesn’t shoot, he gets his horseman of the apocalypse to do his dirty deeds for him instead perhaps?). This is the beginning of the end for the rap mogul as he no longer has his kids doing his bidding for him. A simple message to show how the violence can be stopped, that these shootings can end when the kids stop enabling them. So then as soon as he can’t react in that moment and shoot someone his anger is forced to chill out, as shown by smoking a J, and to go back to exploiting the dead man’s music instead. If you don’t put a gun in someone’s hand when they are heated, those feelings too shall pass - kinda feel.
[Refrain: Choir, Childish Gambino, & Young Thug]
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, tell somebody
America, I just checked my following list, and
You mothafuckas owe me
Whose voice does that sound like!? It sounds a lot like Diddy to me, public enemy #1. This is basically saying that the moguls are the ones who we all owe it to for all of this glorified gun violence in America. That we owe them way more follows and likes for what a massive influence they have had on the violence and chaos we see in America today.
Grandma told me
Get your money, Black man (Black man)
(1, 2, 3—get down)
In Moneybagg Yo’s song 1, 2, 3, he also has a line that says “1, 2, 3, let’s go!” in a similar vein.
But something interesting I came across was Nas’s song Get Down where they use a sample from James Brown's “The Boss” that sounds extremely similar to the way Gambino screams “Get Down!” Which would fit well if the guitar singer from the beginning is meant to be Nas and Pac doing Thugz Mansion.
Also make sure you check out Nas’s song Get Down so that you can hear how much Jay-Z outright copied this song for The Story of OJ. From the musical structure with the piano and interwoven samples right down to the theme reiterated by the sample at the end of Nas’s song: “If that’s how our people are gonna get down, how are we ever gonna get up?”
SZA
Finally to wrap up the video, I have been stumped for a long time as to why SZA is randomly at the end of this video sitting on one of the cars. But I think I finally know why and it reconfirms that this last scene is all about Drake. If you watch Drake’s music video for Worst Behavior (not very Canadian of him to spell behaviour that way I might add) you will see Drake rapping and dancing with a few cars surrounding him and one of those cars has other rappers making cameos in it. In Gambino’s video SZA represents that car with a famous cameo. I think this is further confirmed when the black edges of the video start closing inwards at the end of This is America, the exact same way that Worst Behavior ends. So why SZA as the cameo then? Cause it reminds people that Drake is a p*do.
This is from an article in the Rolling Stone: In 2020, Drake revealed publicly that he and SZA had dated over a decade ago, well before she was an established artist (her earliest music goes back to around 2012; her critical breakthrough, Ctrl, came in 2017). On 21 Savage’s “Mr. Right Now,” Drake rapped about a newer fling who was a fan of SZA’s: “Yeah, said she wanna fuck to some SZA, wait / ‘Cause I used to date SZA back in ’08 / If you cool with it, baby, she can still play.” A few days later, SZA responded, corroborating Drake’s claim with a slight correction: they dated in 2009, when both would have been over 18. Since SZA would not have turned 18 until late 2008, she wanted to set the record straight. “in this case a year of poetic rap license mattered 🥴lol I think he jus innocently rhymed 08 w wait [sic],” she tweeted. “I just didn’t want anybody thinking anything underage or creepy was happening . Completely innocent . Lifetimes ago . [sic]”
If you have to specifically say something isn’t creepy and distance yourself from it being lifetimes ago, it usually is creepy. Drake would’ve been 22 when she was 17. Metro Boomin also happens to be on the Mr. Right Now track. He is currently in trouble for resurfaced old tweets showing how Metro used to tweet disgusting things about what he wanted to do to underage girls. Interestingly, Metro Boomin is also now beefing with Drake.
Drake doing his dance on the car of the original musician’s music seems to be accusing Drake directly of stealing 2Pac’s music. Orlando Brown recently said the cryptic statement that “Drake is Pac” which likely means he stole 2Pac’s approach/style/audience after his death. Gambino did some good foreshadowing here too with the recent AI release Drake put out of 2Pac.
This dance scene also signals that the Drake section is now over.
[Outro: Young Thug]
You just a black man in this world
You just a barcode, ayy
You just a black man in this world
Drivin' expensive foreigns, ayy
You just a big dawg, yeah
I kenneled him in the backyard
No, probably ain't life to a dog
For a big dog
The outro lyrics speak to how these gatekeepers keep black men down and control them with things like being forced to wear a dress to become famous or to submit to homosexual/p*do acts.. In the video, as I mentioned above, the black edges close in on Drake’s dancing scene in This is America. But they don’t completely close and end things like they do in the Worst Behavior video. Instead, in Gambino’s video, the camera pans to show the mogul running for his life with Young Thug’s lyrics almost like a quiet echo in the background. He isn’t running from the cops though, he’s running from the kids and from the public. When I mentioned earlier that the kids not handing over the last gun before Drake’s scene signalled the beginning of the end for the moguls, this is that conclusion. Where it is showing that if all the kids come together to stop enabling and rather expose the moguls, people will be chasing these bastards down once we realize what has been going on behind the curtain. Then the song that Young Thug is singing can just be a quiet echo of the way things were in the past.
If you don’t think Gambino would be this deep and that I went too far down the rabbit hole, do a Google search on the calculations that he came up with for why he sings about loving until 3005 in his song. He seems to go real deep with his lyrics. So a big question this leaves us with is, what did Childish Gambino witness in the rap industry? His whole rap career plays out like he is trying to avoid industry norms.
Even in Sweatpants, he has lyrics like:
No hands like soccer teams and y'all fuck boys like Socrates
You niggas ain't coppin' these, niggas ain't lookin' like me (Nah)
Nah, I ain't checkin' I.D. (Nah), but I bounce 'em with no problem
Seems like he is trying to make it really clear across his catalogue of music that he isn’t a p*do but that other rappers are. Where he is saying that he doesn’t need to ID his potential partners because he can tell they are obviously too young and that’s not hard to do.
Tell 'em, Problem (Problem!)
I'm winnin', yeah, yeah, I'm winnin' (What?)...
Rich kid, asshole, paint me as a villain
So who was trying to paint him as a villain, Drake? And that’s why the diss was originally meant for him?
Don't be mad 'cause I'm doing me better than you doing you…
Better than you doing you
Fuck it, what you gon' do? (What?!)
He’s taunting the other rappers cause he knows they can’t say shit if they are creeps. He has the same sentiment in Bonfire “It’s a bonfire, turn the lights out, I’m burning everything you mother fuckers talk about.”
Childish Gambino has always refrained from talking about the meaning of This is America whenever he is asked, and I can only assume that all of this is why.
Little Foot Big Foot
Now with his new release, Little Foot Big Foot and applying cultural compression to it, it has me wondering if he is referring to Megan Thee Stallion and the Nicki beef? People like Nicki (calling Megan Big Foot) have been claiming for some time she wasn’t even shot in the foot by Tory Lanez. There were many people laughing and making fun of Megan over getting shot. Which could be an interesting story for Childish to tell to represent how crazy this violent culture has gotten that people just laugh and blame the victim now when you get shot. Also a good metaphor for things like ‘shooting yourself in the foot’ for not having a lawyer look over potentially predatory industry contracts like in the beginning of his video. That you want to get in the cool kids club so bad you overlook it. Not as sure on this one though since the song just came out and I have only heard it a few times.
One last thing that is really interesting, there have been tons of artists on podcasts like Shay Shay talking about the strings these ultra rich moguls can pull. Like buying awards or gatekeeping people from being in the industry at all. There was even a story, I think maybe it was Gene Deal who told it, that when Killer Mike won at the grammys that Jay-Z was so angry he made sure to mess up his night by getting him locked up as soon as he left the awards stage. These moguls are extremely powerful and have an incredible amount of sway in the world/industry. If you check out Gambino’s profile on Youtube, his old music videos keep getting taken down, like Bonfire for example is just gone. Fans have been having to upload the videos themselves. There is a reply to a comment, on one of the fan uploaded vids, from Gambino’s account himself when someone asks why the videos are being taken down. His account just replies “Noone knows why :(“ Seems a bit odd all things considered and like maybe he has been at the mercy of these gatekeepers for going against the system.
I am so curious to know what the rest of you think about all of this!

"TOTAL FLESHY DEATH! kill fleshies, behead fleshies, roundhouse kick a fleshy into the concrete, slam dunk fleshies into the trash can, absorb filthy fleshy SOULs, report fleshies to the royal guard, feed fleshies to amalgamates, blow fleshy kneecaps off with a six shooter, bomb fleshies with bell bombs, Vaporize fleshies with AXIS MODEL 014, Rip fleshy tongues off with pliers, push fleshies into the pink slime from the steamworks, make fleshies eat gunpowder, dissect fleshy SOULS, drown fleshies in the swamps of waterfall, leave fleshies naked in the snowdin forest so they can get frostbite, push fleshies into the CORE!" - Chujin 20XX after having too much adult soda
P.S can someone draw Chujin as a chud wojak?

Since school ended, I've had more time to read and watch fiction. Though I have trouble finding a good one (I don't like harems). So if you have the time, could you suggest an absolute must-see? Thank youuu! (list below can also be a guide if you’re new to this kind of stuff :)
Heres some of the animes i’ve watched that i liked:
Yumeiro Patisserie, Haikyuuu, Attack on Titan, Demon Slayer, Jujutsu Kaisen, Naruto, One Piece, HunterxHunter, 86 -Eighty Six-, Death Note, My Dress-up Darling, Kakegurui, Fruit Basket, Kuroko no Basket, Dr.Stone, Ghibli Movies, Kamisama Kiss, Kimi no Todoke, SpyxFamily, Ouran High School Host Club, Bleach, Black Clover, Lovely☆Complex, Blue Lock, Chainsaw Man , Slam Dunk, Lookism, That Time I Reincarnated As a Slime and Vinland Saga
Would definitely appreciate your recommendations🩷🩷

FT: Newcastle United 1-1 Brighton & Hove Albion

Venue: St. James' Park
Auto-refreshing reddit comments link
LINE-UPS
Newcastle United
Martin Dúbravka, Dan Burn, Emil Krafth, Lewis Hall (Kieran Trippier), Valentino Livramento, Bruno Guimarães, Elliot Anderson, Sean Longstaff (Joelinton ), Alexander Isak (Harvey Barnes), Anthony Gordon, Jacob Murphy (Miguel Almirón).
Subs: Alex Murphy, Joe White, Paul Dummett, Matt Ritchie, Nick Pope.
^{____________________________}
Brighton & Hove Albion
Bart Verbruggen, Lewis Dunk, Adam Webster, Igor Julio , Joël Veltman (Tariq Lamptey), Julio Enciso (Jakub Moder), Billy Gilmour (Carlos Baleba), Pascal Groß, Danny Welbeck, Simon Adingra (Odeluga Offiah), Facundo Buonanotte (Benicio Baker-Boaitey).
Subs: Mark O’Mahony, Ansu Fati, Adam Lallana, Jason Steele.
MATCH EVENTS via ESPN
18' Goal! Newcastle United 0, Brighton and Hove Albion 1. Joël Veltman (Brighton and Hove Albion) right footed shot from the left side of the six yard box to the bottom right corner following a corner.
40' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Tariq Lamptey replaces Joël Veltman because of an injury.
45'+4' Billy Gilmour (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
45'+5' Goal! Newcastle United 1, Brighton and Hove Albion 1. Sean Longstaff (Newcastle United) right footed shot from the centre of the box to the centre of the goal. Assisted by Elliot Anderson.
54' Julio Enciso (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card.
67' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Jakub Moder replaces Julio Enciso because of an injury.
67' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Benicio Baker-Boaitey replaces Facundo Buonanotte.
68' Substitution, Newcastle United. Joelinton replaces Sean Longstaff.
68' Substitution, Newcastle United. Miguel Almirón replaces Jacob Murphy.
68' Substitution, Newcastle United. Harvey Barnes replaces Alexander Isak.
77' Danny Welbeck (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card.
79' Lewis Hall (Newcastle United) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
87' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Carlos Baleba replaces Billy Gilmour.
87' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Odeluga Offiah replaces Simon Adingra.
88' Harvey Barnes (Newcastle United) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
90'+2' Substitution, Newcastle United. Kieran Trippier replaces Lewis Hall.
90'+3' Miguel Almirón (Newcastle United) is shown the yellow card.
90'+5' Benicio Baker-Boaitey (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
^{Don't see a thread for a match you're watching? Click here to learn how to request a match thread from this bot.}

FT: Newcastle United 1-1 Brighton & Hove Albion

Venue: St. James' Park
Auto-refreshing reddit comments link
LINE-UPS
Newcastle United
Martin Dúbravka, Dan Burn, Emil Krafth, Lewis Hall (Kieran Trippier), Valentino Livramento, Bruno Guimarães, Elliot Anderson, Sean Longstaff (Joelinton ), Alexander Isak (Harvey Barnes), Anthony Gordon, Jacob Murphy (Miguel Almirón).
Subs: Alex Murphy, Joe White, Paul Dummett, Matt Ritchie, Nick Pope.
^{____________________________}
Brighton & Hove Albion
Bart Verbruggen, Lewis Dunk, Adam Webster, Igor Julio , Joël Veltman (Tariq Lamptey), Julio Enciso (Jakub Moder), Billy Gilmour (Carlos Baleba), Pascal Groß, Danny Welbeck, Simon Adingra (Odeluga Offiah), Facundo Buonanotte (Benicio Baker-Boaitey).
Subs: Mark O’Mahony, Ansu Fati, Adam Lallana, Jason Steele.
MATCH EVENTS via ESPN
18' Goal! Newcastle United 0, Brighton and Hove Albion 1. Joël Veltman (Brighton and Hove Albion) right footed shot from the left side of the six yard box to the bottom right corner following a corner.
40' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Tariq Lamptey replaces Joël Veltman because of an injury.
45'+4' Billy Gilmour (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
45'+5' Goal! Newcastle United 1, Brighton and Hove Albion 1. Sean Longstaff (Newcastle United) right footed shot from the centre of the box to the centre of the goal. Assisted by Elliot Anderson.
54' Julio Enciso (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card.
67' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Jakub Moder replaces Julio Enciso because of an injury.
67' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Benicio Baker-Boaitey replaces Facundo Buonanotte.
68' Substitution, Newcastle United. Joelinton replaces Sean Longstaff.
68' Substitution, Newcastle United. Miguel Almirón replaces Jacob Murphy.
68' Substitution, Newcastle United. Harvey Barnes replaces Alexander Isak.
77' Danny Welbeck (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card.
79' Lewis Hall (Newcastle United) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
87' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Carlos Baleba replaces Billy Gilmour.
87' Substitution, Brighton and Hove Albion. Odeluga Offiah replaces Simon Adingra.
88' Harvey Barnes (Newcastle United) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
90'+2' Substitution, Newcastle United. Kieran Trippier replaces Lewis Hall.
90'+3' Miguel Almirón (Newcastle United) is shown the yellow card.
90'+5' Benicio Baker-Boaitey (Brighton and Hove Albion) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.
^{Don't see a thread for a match you're watching? Click here to learn how to request a match thread from this bot.}

With state and district testing over for the year, I am left to my own devices and creativity for the next two months of school and lessons. It is truly my favorite time of year because now that mandatory state objectives have been covered, I can finally teach. I mean I can really teach; I can do the lessons that I love and that I think are engaging. I can really motivate, educate, and inspire. I can do all the things that motivated to me to get into education.
What lesson am I teaching today? We are going to learn about lift, drag, force all with a circular moving object. I call it math and science with the flying disc. That’s right, I am giving the kids a frisbee! Frisbee, one of my favorite toys as a young man growing up in the 70’s and 80.
Let me tell you. As a teenager, I could not shoot a basketball into a hoop. I could not hit a small baseball with a bat. I could not outrun my classmates with a football or even kick a soccer ball into a goal being blocked by a goalie. But you give me a frisbee and I could make that thing fly. The frisbee just requires a certain amount of finesse and let me tell you I had it. Oh, I had it !
But it is not my love of the frisbee that makes me enjoy this lesson so much. It’s seeing a generation raised on technology, boys and girls who would much rather play games digitally than physically actually learn something NEW. Even my quote “student athletes “ struggle with the frisbee. I mean students who I have personally seen dunk a basketball in a game find it difficult, at least at first because most of have never done it before.
You see it doesn’t matter how big or strong you are. To really make a frisbee fly you must have a certain, well again finesse. It is almost like a ballet movement of the hand. The firm but gentleness of the grip. A lightness of your feet. The steady aim at your target, followed by the angle of release. Oh, it has to be level!
As I watch my beloved students, some of them real athletes, learn this complex by simple task I just smile. It warms my heart and rejuvenates my soul. I literally feel that I am imparting a bit of my childhood into theirs. I am really teaching something that I am passionate about and something that I love.
I know that most of the time, things around here can be a bit negative but on this summer day I am smiling, and I wanted to share a bit of that smile with all of you.
And now I have a question for you , my fellow educators . What are you doing now that state and district test are mostly over ?

Right, let’s get a few things out of the way first… (Being vague for privacy)
When I was at university, I studied in the USA and coached/subbed for their CRL team. We made it to the main event and for that reason, I have a CRL Spring 2022 Contender title. Now I have graduated, I moved back home to EU to live and work but I still play ranked with friends from time to time.
I have a lot of wholesome interactions every time I play, with people interested in what my title means and how I got it which I’m more than happy to explain (I’ve even had a few people ask me to sign their steam profile which I’ve had to apologise and say I’m really not anyone special). The problem arises when people get toxic because they think I’m some washed pro player.
I’ll be the first to admit I’m decent, but not insane at the game or anything (sit around GC1-GC2 in 2s and 3s and C3 in 1s). But I always seem to get so much toxicity from smurfs I play against in ranked. They like to tell me I’m washed, I bought my account and every toxic comment you can think of. The reason I love it is because I know for a fact that buying an account with a CRL tag would be so much cheaper than 4 years of tuition at an American university and so what if they’re better than me? At the end of the day it’s just a car soccer game!
What makes me laugh is that they’re already playing at a rank lower than their main, and chose to dunk on a guy who’s just trying to have a good time.
That’s the end of my little rant, or whatever you want to call it. Hope you all have a great day :)

Summary: A young college student is excited to enjoy his first power hour with this roommates to horrifying results.
My Last Power Hour
I haven't thought about this in awhile but it's coming back to me now like it was yesterday. I think they call it “set and setting” or “state dependent memory”. I don't remember exactly I guess I don't have to anymore.
It was two years ago and I was a sophomore in undergrad at a state university in the Midwest. It was the proverbial ivory tower, a land of oz, an urban oasis amid a sea of corn. It was a Friday night some early in Fall Semester either late August or early September. I remember my flooded sinuses and raw eyes vividly as a sign we were downwind of harvesting.
I knew why I wasn't taking my allergy medicine tonight. I sat maniacally mashing my xbox controller beside my HALO brother in arms and roommate Kevin while our second roommate Pete illegally bought tonight's booze from whoever he said he knew could get us some. I wasn't much of a drinker, in fact I only had a couple of beers in my entire life up to that point and all since starting undergrad. I was kind of straight edge kid in high school and I justified drinking now as a breaking point, a landmark of sorts between my cringe high school years and my new maturing college years.
I supported in this endeavor by my high school friend Kevin. Pete on the other hand was a rando from the dorm Kevin and I lived in during freshman year and through the close quarters and mutual interest in HALO and poker, we decided it would be cheaper to split a four bedroom apartment 3 ways rather than two. Kevin and I were childhood friends since peewee soccer. Pete on the other hand, was a bit more, uh, let's say rustic, oh hell, a bit more redneck but seemed to take well to the college life or a form of it. He had kind of become our immoral compass.
Kevin and I were in the midst of losing a round of team death-match online when Pete came bursting through our door hauling a case of beer and a large brown paper bag of clinking bottles and the telltale squeak of foil snack bags. He was a woodland camouflage blur as he stormed purposefully between Kevin and my line of sight to the video game. “Power Hour, bitchesssssssssssss!”
Kevin, with his red side burns jutting around his Chicago Bears baseball hat, reacted to Pete's overt rudeness by rolling his eyes. I shot back the opposite: a bright smile, a burst of boy on Christmas morning enthusiasm and wonder at the prospect of getting really messed up doing a power hour. With that I flew to the kitchen table where Pete stood unpacking goodies.
“Hey, Kevin,” Pete shouted, “Go get your CD player and speakers.” I watched Kevin dutifully obey, duck into his room before hauling out a portable CD player, two brick sized speakers tangling in a mess of their own wiring.
Pete patiently unpacked a thirty case of Coors marked with camouflage and blaze orange. “Jay, count them out, seven a piece. I'll get the shot glasses from my room.”. I blew my nose and counted the chilled cans and placed them within reach across the table. Pete swung out of his bedroom with shot glasses but snapped his fingers and retreated back.
“Hey man, you know, you don't have to do the whole thing.” Kevin said untangling the sound system and a DC adapter.
“What do you mean? Of course I'm going to do it.”
“I'm just saying you're kinda going from zero to sixty pretty damn fast.”
“Oh, right, you're the expert all of the sudden on drinking.”
“Well, I drank in high school and you didn't.”
“They called you chuck 'ems because of your barfing at Jessica Z's birthday party.”
“Right, that's actually sort of my point. I don't do that anymore, I did that because I drank too much without wading into it.”
“I'm sure this is going to be fine.”
“Well, whatever man, I'm just saying don't let Pete bully you into continuing if you're not up for it. I'll support you in that.”
Pete thundered into the room singing something in choir pig latin that I vaguely remember from Monty Python and Holy Grail when they carried out the holy hand grenade. Pressed between his finger tips was a CD jewel case containing a gold re writable disk scribbled with black sharpie “ultimate power hour”.
“So, what exactly are the rules?”
“Silence!” Pete declared as he popped the disk into the CD player. “I'll let the mix do the talking.”
So there we were packed around a circular table in a dingy dimly lit poorly furnished campus apartment with barely painted blotchy drywall ready to kickoff our weekend. The first track crackled to life with fake static and the muffled and occasionally squeaky voice echoing a 1950's educational film reel but with shades of Rod Sterling. “Gentlemen in opposite alphabetical order indicate this quarter's beer master – he is responsible for refilling your beer once per track for the first fifteen tracks. If there are fewer than four of you, simply rotate back to the first or alternate per quarter. Each track is timed for one minute and each player must consume their shot of beer within that one minute period. Each quarter consists of fifteen drinks with a 1 minute pause at the end of the first and third quarters. There will be a five minute half time and shot of liquor.” Pete rummaged displayed an unopened bottle of black labeled whiskey, “A shot at the end is also mandatory. Each person will be permitted 1 five minute time out per game. By the end of the this roughly sixty nine minute game, assuming no timeouts, you gentlemen will be well on your way to a blissful gentlemanly state perfect charming that sweetheart on your wonderful night off. This track will end in five, four, three, two, one.”
“Immigrant Song” by Led Zeppelin blasted through the speakers like a nuclear bomb as I enthusiastically dropped the first once and half of gold down my throat. I gagged a little as I was not accustom to doing shots much less shots of carbonation. I was left with this inoffensive sweet bready taste that slowly turned slightly more irritating and metallic. The only way to get rid of that taste was probably to drink more and I wouldn't have to wait long.
“What's with this old stuff?” Kevin objected to the first track as he cleared his mouth.
“It's got something for everyone.” Pete declared as he splashed around,
Something for everyone indeed but I do not for the life of me remember all sixty tracks and I'll probably get a few wrong as I relay the course of this experience to you.
A minute elapsed and then the intro to Pulp Fiction had me slamming another pour of beer. Recounting all of this now seems kind of dumb I guess I can skip the next twenty eight minutes and let you know I think “Sweet Escape” by Gwen Steffani wrapped half time. None of us had used their time outs. I was feeling it and was kind of besides myself in a swamp of gilded pleasure. I was jarred back to the table by the lack of music to get lost in.
“How you doing there Jay? You gonna puke?” Pete flicked my shoulder hard. I blinked and focused in. I realized Kevin was down the hall in the bathroom. “We're half way through, man. You're doing it!”
“I'm doing it” I mouthed back as I noticed I was losing my ability to control my vocal features with precision. I tried to take my mind off of it by wishfully thinking about what we would be doing after this, where would we go and with whom.
“We should go down to that event down at the Student Union. Show the straight edge kids what they're missing and then maybe hit up Rocko's Cellar.”
In the moment where my thoughts were heavy I was instinctively reactive against the Student Union. “Maybe just go to the Rocko's.”
“Oh, because you know Sydney is going to be there and you don't want her to see you drunk off your ass.” Kevin chimed in with a surly tone from the hallway.
Yup, Kevin was right, that was the underlying reason. I had an undergrad crush on Sydney Cole, a beautiful sleak blonde woman apparently from Nebraska.
“Well, you know its goddamn sensible to not, you know, go to an undergrad thing like that piss ass drunk off a power hour. I'm good to go to Rocko's though.” I explained.
The silent track started to pick up and the coy sickly sweet vibe of “Tubthumping” filled the air. Peter pushed fresh shot glasses brimming with caramel colored whiskey at us. There wasn't a lot of room in my gut but I was okay with this and as the song started to fade we took the shot and as the liquor burn started to linger I was looking forward to another shot of smooth tasty beer as “Down with the sickness” started to play.
I don't remember the last song on the playlist. I remember Pete flicked my ear and then pointed down at my shot while smiling at me. Everything felt like I was wearing a soaking wet wool jacket and a plastic bag over my head. I took the shot without thinking and about half of the burning yet numbing liquid dribbled out of my mouth. Pete clapped his hands and announced he was leading us out to Rocko's. Kevin shrugged and then shook his head violently before nodding. I garbled something to effect I needed to go to the bathroom then with all the grace of walking through a foot of water with inverted buckets strapped to my feet I waded down the dark hallway occasionally bracing myself against the walls.
I wasn't going to throw up. I knew that about myself. I wasn't going to throw up. At least I thought I knew myself. The alcohol was not playing nice with my allergies. I needed some cool water on my face. I shut my eyes hard and blew out my nose in effort to clear some snot and restore equilibrium. I turned on the faucet and I knocked Kevin's contact holder into the sink. I finally felt something pop back into place in my head and sinuses as a stream of snot left my nostrils into the sink.
“Ah crap!” I let out a garbled yell as dunked both hands into the sink to fish out the contact case from the torrent of my snot. My hands dove in and it didn't feel like water nor like snot. It felt sort of rubbery almost like gelatin. I opened my eyes and found my vision had been impaired and distorted, almost like after you rub your eyes really hard and see the dark blotches but this was narrow tunnel with the blotches around the edges and skewed colors. I couldn't really make out much around the sink. I blinked a few times to try to clear my vision but to no avail and that's when I turned my head down and saw what was in the sink.
I nearly leapt back in fright as I saw my eyes, and the flesh of my nose, and my lips floating on of the water in front of the faucet. They were staring back me from the sink for a panicked count of three before they cartoonishly swirled together like a runny egg flushed down the drain with a slurping noise. I gripped the sink with both hands as I mustered the courage to look at myself in the mirror. It was impossible I told myself. What I saw was impossible. In my limited vision I could make out skin covered indentations over my eye sockets, a flat patch of flesh where my nose had been, and my lips were replaced with a small dark hole barely wide enough to fit a pencil.
I shook and held my breath as my hands confirmed what the blotchy after image of missing eyes saw in the mirror. What was worse is my skin felt gelatinous, sweaty, and infirm, like ice cream warming on the counter. I shuttered and fell back against the wall with a painful thud. I heard Kevin and Pete laugh in the kitchen.
Okay, I told myself I must just be going a little nuts. How could I still see, afterall, if I had no eyes? I tested a hypothesis by smelling some soap and I was discouraged by the fact I couldn't smell the Tropical Waterfall scented liquid. I gulped and knew I at least still had a tongue and I could still hear myself make sounds which could loosely be interpreted as words. Mixed results I thought, maybe I could clear my head by casually leaving this nightmare bathroom and checking with my roommates.
I opened the door and made it half down the hall when Kevin casually headed my way cradling a bag of chips. The mushy look on his face lit up and his mouth erupted with a spray of chip crumbles before he literally fell on his back and did his best backward crawling Sarah Conner spots a Terminator impression. He chokes then starts screaming. Then the horror of it all hit me and the next thing I know I'm back in the bathroom with my back laying against the door. My head quaked as I came to grips with the fact this was real. This was really happening and somehow it was getting worse by second.
“It has no face!” I could hear Kevin screaming at Pete.
“Wasn't Jay in there? Where is he?”
“I don't maybe that thing got him!”
I could hear them right outside the bathroom. Pete started yelling for me but I didn't dare yell back. They turned the door handle but I had it locked and they both started pounding their fists on the door.
“Dude...what are we going to do? Who are we going call? The police, hello, police, there's a faceless monster in our bathroom?” Kevin murmured during a lull in their attempts to break in. “How did it even get in here?”
“I don't know man! Let me think!”
“Maybe it climbed up the side of the building and into the window.”
I could hear them pacing back and forth around the door.
“Get a spoon or fork or something okay, there's a little slot and tab in the door handle that will unlock it.”
“And then what? We don't want that thing in here with us.”
“I'm getting my baseball bat.”
I knew I had to get out and going through the apartment was no longer an option. It was only a second floor apartment and the window overlooked the trash and utility area for the complex. My vision was becoming more and more impaired as I braced myself leaning out the window to see if jumping or climbing down was out of the question. I could just barely make out the outline of an abandoned brown couch near a gutter and cable shaft running down to the ground within my reach out of the window.
I heard them jiggling the flatware into the little hole for the lock release and my drunk ass reasoned this was my only out. I punched out the screen and lifted the window as high as it could go and in a single move thrusted my ass out over the ledge turned and grabbed the metal bits that held the gutter and utility cable to the brick siding. I seemed to be a stable but painful place to grip but I had no choice to swing my footing on it as the bathroom door swung open.
My footing slipped and I dangled down one rung when Pete charged his head out of the window with the bat. In the overhead shine of the nearby street lamp his eyes met my featureless face and he gasped in terror. I slipped again and lost both footings and my hands gave way against the pain of the sharp narrow grip. I must have dropped a good eight or nine feet onto that old ratty, smelly, and wet couch.
I was shocked and I groaned but the soggy cushions and my own intoxication seemed to break my fall rather than me. The moment after I realized I was intact I bolted from my block because the last yelling I heard from Pete and Kevin indicated they intended to chase me down. I wasn't thing but graceful and agile as I swerved with wobbly footfalls across the sidewalk. Glare from the street lamps and passing headlights was almost blinding as eyesight continued to fail. To my dismay my ears started to fell wet inside like they were melting and occasionally my hearing was completely overwhelmed by a loud draining sound.
I veered off of the sidewalk and away from the road and ran through gravel planters to keep bushes between myself and possible onlookers who might also violently confront me. I was winded as sucking air through a tiny hole in my face was more like breathing through a gas mask or wet socks.
Ahead was the first thing I recognized in a bit. It was the five story student union building. Despite the event Sydney was attending, the Union was a quiet, unpopulated and dark place to be on a Friday night. The Union also housed the student clinic.
In my head I pictured the doors as grand white rectangles but all I could see now were dark green blotchy oblong outlines on a black and purple surface. I believed I was coming in the back corner of the building where I may give a security camera operator a fright if he looked closely enough but otherwise I believed no one would be near. I remember myself contemplating heading straight for the clinic or hiding out in one of the empty study rooms and waiting this condition out.
Despite the occasional draining sound in my ears I was able to make out Pete and Kevin's winded voices somewhere behind me. My plans went out the window as I ran scared through the wide halls of the Union with my roommates still in pursuit. My luck was running out as I tried multiple study room doors and found them locked, in fact an entire wing, the wing with the student clinic was closed off by an overhead chain link divider. I was a rat in a maze running out of places to run.
I pushed through the first door I found open and froze. There were dozens, maybe hundreds of people in this room. I realized immediately I had stumbled into the event Sydney was involved in. My hearing had steadily degraded to where everything sounded like I had my head dunked in an aquarium but I could still make out someone talking about the sponsor of the event – Students for a Sober Society.
“Oh my god!” I recognized the voice as Sydney. She blindsided me, “That is such a great costume! I love the spandex work over the head! That is hardcore.”
I garbled something back to her. I tried begging her for help but she kept fawning over my costume.
“I've never would have expected someone to be so committed to the cause of sobriety – you're literally an anti-drinking icon. You drank your face off!”
There was a whirlwind of activity as she turned more and more heads and attention my way. Someone came in with something in their hand. Sydney wrapped her arm around my shoulder while I heard someone's flip phone make a fake shutter snap sound.
I backpedaled out of Sydney's embrace and out of the room. I wasn't going to find the help I needed. I was shattered that I had won, for a moment, my crush's attention but had no way of knowing if she recognized me as anything more than a false mascot for the dangers of drinking. I plunged around to the other side of the Union when Pete and Kevin spotted me from the hall. I fell though the doors leading to the Square – the large grassy area at the heart of the campus.
At this point everything was totally fading out. My ears felt like they had been filled with concrete and whatever after image of having eyes I had was almost gone. I ran my hands across the bushes lining the square and weaved between the paths and the open grass hoping to continue to evade my roommates and anyone else. I had a map of campus in my head and there was only one other place I felt I could hide and be safe for now.
The street lamps on the Square seemed to brighten significantly all of the sudden. I wondered if campus security was now after me or maybe after Pete because the last time I saw his outline he was still wielding a baseball bat. I was running, as loosely defined, on rest of my adrenaline and the booze to Underground Library.
I knew it locked automatically late at night, would be poorly attended if not deserted,, and had plenty of places to hide. I pushed into the door and headed down the stairs, about thirty feet down and then ducked into the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and sprawled out on the tile floor. I think I started to cry as the last bit of tactile sensation fled my body. If I had lips I suppose I would have kissed my ass goodbye as last outlines of things blurred into the rest of the deep black.
The next thing I knew I was that I was being poked painfully in the back. I instinctively rolled over and felt an immediate wash of stiffness and pain wash over me. I gasped and groaned but despite the pain I felt a rush of euphoria that I could feel and I feel my mouth unzip and make noise again.
“Another damn drunk kid.” Someone said over me. I could hear again! I willed my newly found eyelids open with the same force I'd open rip open a bag of chips. I blinked a few times and an older grizzled face of the janitor came into full color and full focus.
“My face!” I shouted as I curled myself up to bring my felt under me. My head felt heavy and pulsed and quaked with an unspeakable pain. As I lurched to stand, I felt like I had a manhole cover stuck in my stomach. “What happened to my face?”
“Why don't you check the mirror, kid.” The janitor withdrew his mop stick and let me walk out to the sinks. In the mirror I could someone or something had drawn in black marker on my face the phrase “Gone Drinkin'”.
I shambled home rubbing my head and my stomach. I bewildered by the hangover as I tried to retrace my steps. I walked through the door of my apartment and found Pete and Kevin passed out on the floor and couch respectively with beers spilled on the floor and the bat beside Pete. When finally woke up they wondered where I had been but I told them I left to go to Rocko's. They didn't seem to question it. When I asked them about the bat, they looked at each other and replied by saying they were just goofing around. We never spoke of that evening again.
A few days past and I wondered if I had dreamed this all up or maybe I was just incredibly drunk and had imagined some of it. The only proof I had was a blurred phone camera image of my faceless “costume” printed in the weekly student newspaper in an article about the Students for a Sober Society event. The whole response to my appearance only deepened my terror that something so strange and devastating could occur and no one bats an eye. We are instinctively driven to some banal explanation and go our own way in the face, pun intended, of true strangeness, of things truly unexplained, of things that make no sense.
Needless to say I did not drink again and I tried my hardest to put that night out of my head. The only reason I'm typing all this up and putting this out there is that tonight is my graduation night and it was the closest I've come to drinking since that night. Pete, Kevin, and Sydney are at this frat house celebrating our final night on campus and I've taken shelter in their small makeshift computer lab. Before I ended up here I wondered in a daze with a full solo cup in hand through the entire yard, the pool area, and the house as “Frank Sinatra” by Cake blared over me. There are dozens of people without faces here.
By Theo Plesha

Summary: A young college student is excited to enjoy his first power hour with this roommates to horrifying results.
My Last Power Hour
I haven't thought about this in awhile but it's coming back to me now like it was yesterday. I think they call it “set and setting” or “state dependent memory”. I don't remember exactly I guess I don't have to anymore.
It was two years ago and I was a sophomore in undergrad at a state university in the Midwest. It was the proverbial ivory tower, a land of oz, an urban oasis amid a sea of corn. It was a Friday night some early in Fall Semester either late August or early September. I remember my flooded sinuses and raw eyes vividly as a sign we were downwind of harvesting.
I knew why I wasn't taking my allergy medicine tonight. I sat maniacally mashing my xbox controller beside my HALO brother in arms and roommate Kevin while our second roommate Pete illegally bought tonight's booze from whoever he said he knew could get us some. I wasn't much of a drinker, in fact I only had a couple of beers in my entire life up to that point and all since starting undergrad. I was kind of straight edge kid in high school and I justified drinking now as a breaking point, a landmark of sorts between my cringe high school years and my new maturing college years.
I supported in this endeavor by my high school friend Kevin. Pete on the other hand was a rando from the dorm Kevin and I lived in during freshman year and through the close quarters and mutual interest in HALO and poker, we decided it would be cheaper to split a four bedroom apartment 3 ways rather than two. Kevin and I were childhood friends since peewee soccer. Pete on the other hand, was a bit more, uh, let's say rustic, oh hell, a bit more redneck but seemed to take well to the college life or a form of it. He had kind of become our immoral compass.
Kevin and I were in the midst of losing a round of team death-match online when Pete came bursting through our door hauling a case of beer and a large brown paper bag of clinking bottles and the telltale squeak of foil snack bags. He was a woodland camouflage blur as he stormed purposefully between Kevin and my line of sight to the video game. “Power Hour, bitchesssssssssssss!”
Kevin, with his red side burns jutting around his Chicago Bears baseball hat, reacted to Pete's overt rudeness by rolling his eyes. I shot back the opposite: a bright smile, a burst of boy on Christmas morning enthusiasm and wonder at the prospect of getting really messed up doing a power hour. With that I flew to the kitchen table where Pete stood unpacking goodies.
“Hey, Kevin,” Pete shouted, “Go get your CD player and speakers.” I watched Kevin dutifully obey, duck into his room before hauling out a portable CD player, two brick sized speakers tangling in a mess of their own wiring.
Pete patiently unpacked a thirty case of Coors marked with camouflage and blaze orange. “Jay, count them out, seven a piece. I'll get the shot glasses from my room.”. I blew my nose and counted the chilled cans and placed them within reach across the table. Pete swung out of his bedroom with shot glasses but snapped his fingers and retreated back.
“Hey man, you know, you don't have to do the whole thing.” Kevin said untangling the sound system and a DC adapter.
“What do you mean? Of course I'm going to do it.”
“I'm just saying you're kinda going from zero to sixty pretty damn fast.”
“Oh, right, you're the expert all of the sudden on drinking.”
“Well, I drank in high school and you didn't.”
“They called you chuck 'ems because of your barfing at Jessica Z's birthday party.”
“Right, that's actually sort of my point. I don't do that anymore, I did that because I drank too much without wading into it.”
“I'm sure this is going to be fine.”
“Well, whatever man, I'm just saying don't let Pete bully you into continuing if you're not up for it. I'll support you in that.”
Pete thundered into the room singing something in choir pig latin that I vaguely remember from Monty Python and Holy Grail when they carried out the holy hand grenade. Pressed between his finger tips was a CD jewel case containing a gold re writable disk scribbled with black sharpie “ultimate power hour”.
“So, what exactly are the rules?”
“Silence!” Pete declared as he popped the disk into the CD player. “I'll let the mix do the talking.”
So there we were packed around a circular table in a dingy dimly lit poorly furnished campus apartment with barely painted blotchy drywall ready to kickoff our weekend. The first track crackled to life with fake static and the muffled and occasionally squeaky voice echoing a 1950's educational film reel but with shades of Rod Sterling. “Gentlemen in opposite alphabetical order indicate this quarter's beer master – he is responsible for refilling your beer once per track for the first fifteen tracks. If there are fewer than four of you, simply rotate back to the first or alternate per quarter. Each track is timed for one minute and each player must consume their shot of beer within that one minute period. Each quarter consists of fifteen drinks with a 1 minute pause at the end of the first and third quarters. There will be a five minute half time and shot of liquor.” Pete rummaged displayed an unopened bottle of black labeled whiskey, “A shot at the end is also mandatory. Each person will be permitted 1 five minute time out per game. By the end of the this roughly sixty nine minute game, assuming no timeouts, you gentlemen will be well on your way to a blissful gentlemanly state perfect charming that sweetheart on your wonderful night off. This track will end in five, four, three, two, one.”
“Immigrant Song” by Led Zeppelin blasted through the speakers like a nuclear bomb as I enthusiastically dropped the first once and half of gold down my throat. I gagged a little as I was not accustom to doing shots much less shots of carbonation. I was left with this inoffensive sweet bready taste that slowly turned slightly more irritating and metallic. The only way to get rid of that taste was probably to drink more and I wouldn't have to wait long.
“What's with this old stuff?” Kevin objected to the first track as he cleared his mouth.
“It's got something for everyone.” Pete declared as he splashed around,
Something for everyone indeed but I do not for the life of me remember all sixty tracks and I'll probably get a few wrong as I relay the course of this experience to you.
A minute elapsed and then the intro to Pulp Fiction had me slamming another pour of beer. Recounting all of this now seems kind of dumb I guess I can skip the next twenty eight minutes and let you know I think “Sweet Escape” by Gwen Steffani wrapped half time. None of us had used their time outs. I was feeling it and was kind of besides myself in a swamp of gilded pleasure. I was jarred back to the table by the lack of music to get lost in.
“How you doing there Jay? You gonna puke?” Pete flicked my shoulder hard. I blinked and focused in. I realized Kevin was down the hall in the bathroom. “We're half way through, man. You're doing it!”
“I'm doing it” I mouthed back as I noticed I was losing my ability to control my vocal features with precision. I tried to take my mind off of it by wishfully thinking about what we would be doing after this, where would we go and with whom.
“We should go down to that event down at the Student Union. Show the straight edge kids what they're missing and then maybe hit up Rocko's Cellar.”
In the moment where my thoughts were heavy I was instinctively reactive against the Student Union. “Maybe just go to the Rocko's.”
“Oh, because you know Sydney is going to be there and you don't want her to see you drunk off your ass.” Kevin chimed in with a surly tone from the hallway.
Yup, Kevin was right, that was the underlying reason. I had an undergrad crush on Sydney Cole, a beautiful sleak blonde woman apparently from Nebraska.
“Well, you know its goddamn sensible to not, you know, go to an undergrad thing like that piss ass drunk off a power hour. I'm good to go to Rocko's though.” I explained.
The silent track started to pick up and the coy sickly sweet vibe of “Tubthumping” filled the air. Peter pushed fresh shot glasses brimming with caramel colored whiskey at us. There wasn't a lot of room in my gut but I was okay with this and as the song started to fade we took the shot and as the liquor burn started to linger I was looking forward to another shot of smooth tasty beer as “Down with the sickness” started to play.
I don't remember the last song on the playlist. I remember Pete flicked my ear and then pointed down at my shot while smiling at me. Everything felt like I was wearing a soaking wet wool jacket and a plastic bag over my head. I took the shot without thinking and about half of the burning yet numbing liquid dribbled out of my mouth. Pete clapped his hands and announced he was leading us out to Rocko's. Kevin shrugged and then shook his head violently before nodding. I garbled something to effect I needed to go to the bathroom then with all the grace of walking through a foot of water with inverted buckets strapped to my feet I waded down the dark hallway occasionally bracing myself against the walls.
I wasn't going to throw up. I knew that about myself. I wasn't going to throw up. At least I thought I knew myself. The alcohol was not playing nice with my allergies. I needed some cool water on my face. I shut my eyes hard and blew out my nose in effort to clear some snot and restore equilibrium. I turned on the faucet and I knocked Kevin's contact holder into the sink. I finally felt something pop back into place in my head and sinuses as a stream of snot left my nostrils into the sink.
“Ah crap!” I let out a garbled yell as dunked both hands into the sink to fish out the contact case from the torrent of my snot. My hands dove in and it didn't feel like water nor like snot. It felt sort of rubbery almost like gelatin. I opened my eyes and found my vision had been impaired and distorted, almost like after you rub your eyes really hard and see the dark blotches but this was narrow tunnel with the blotches around the edges and skewed colors. I couldn't really make out much around the sink. I blinked a few times to try to clear my vision but to no avail and that's when I turned my head down and saw what was in the sink.
I nearly leapt back in fright as I saw my eyes, and the flesh of my nose, and my lips floating on of the water in front of the faucet. They were staring back me from the sink for a panicked count of three before they cartoonishly swirled together like a runny egg flushed down the drain with a slurping noise. I gripped the sink with both hands as I mustered the courage to look at myself in the mirror. It was impossible I told myself. What I saw was impossible. In my limited vision I could make out skin covered indentations over my eye sockets, a flat patch of flesh where my nose had been, and my lips were replaced with a small dark hole barely wide enough to fit a pencil.
I shook and held my breath as my hands confirmed what the blotchy after image of missing eyes saw in the mirror. What was worse is my skin felt gelatinous, sweaty, and infirm, like ice cream warming on the counter. I shuttered and fell back against the wall with a painful thud. I heard Kevin and Pete laugh in the kitchen.
Okay, I told myself I must just be going a little nuts. How could I still see, afterall, if I had no eyes? I tested a hypothesis by smelling some soap and I was discouraged by the fact I couldn't smell the Tropical Waterfall scented liquid. I gulped and knew I at least still had a tongue and I could still hear myself make sounds which could loosely be interpreted as words. Mixed results I thought, maybe I could clear my head by casually leaving this nightmare bathroom and checking with my roommates.
I opened the door and made it half down the hall when Kevin casually headed my way cradling a bag of chips. The mushy look on his face lit up and his mouth erupted with a spray of chip crumbles before he literally fell on his back and did his best backward crawling Sarah Conner spots a Terminator impression. He chokes then starts screaming. Then the horror of it all hit me and the next thing I know I'm back in the bathroom with my back laying against the door. My head quaked as I came to grips with the fact this was real. This was really happening and somehow it was getting worse by second.
“It has no face!” I could hear Kevin screaming at Pete.
“Wasn't Jay in there? Where is he?”
“I don't maybe that thing got him!”
I could hear them right outside the bathroom. Pete started yelling for me but I didn't dare yell back. They turned the door handle but I had it locked and they both started pounding their fists on the door.
“Dude...what are we going to do? Who are we going call? The police, hello, police, there's a faceless monster in our bathroom?” Kevin murmured during a lull in their attempts to break in. “How did it even get in here?”
“I don't know man! Let me think!”
“Maybe it climbed up the side of the building and into the window.”
I could hear them pacing back and forth around the door.
“Get a spoon or fork or something okay, there's a little slot and tab in the door handle that will unlock it.”
“And then what? We don't want that thing in here with us.”
“I'm getting my baseball bat.”
I knew I had to get out and going through the apartment was no longer an option. It was only a second floor apartment and the window overlooked the trash and utility area for the complex. My vision was becoming more and more impaired as I braced myself leaning out the window to see if jumping or climbing down was out of the question. I could just barely make out the outline of an abandoned brown couch near a gutter and cable shaft running down to the ground within my reach out of the window.
I heard them jiggling the flatware into the little hole for the lock release and my drunk ass reasoned this was my only out. I punched out the screen and lifted the window as high as it could go and in a single move thrusted my ass out over the ledge turned and grabbed the metal bits that held the gutter and utility cable to the brick siding. I seemed to be a stable but painful place to grip but I had no choice to swing my footing on it as the bathroom door swung open.
My footing slipped and I dangled down one rung when Pete charged his head out of the window with the bat. In the overhead shine of the nearby street lamp his eyes met my featureless face and he gasped in terror. I slipped again and lost both footings and my hands gave way against the pain of the sharp narrow grip. I must have dropped a good eight or nine feet onto that old ratty, smelly, and wet couch.
I was shocked and I groaned but the soggy cushions and my own intoxication seemed to break my fall rather than me. The moment after I realized I was intact I bolted from my block because the last yelling I heard from Pete and Kevin indicated they intended to chase me down. I wasn't thing but graceful and agile as I swerved with wobbly footfalls across the sidewalk. Glare from the street lamps and passing headlights was almost blinding as eyesight continued to fail. To my dismay my ears started to fell wet inside like they were melting and occasionally my hearing was completely overwhelmed by a loud draining sound.
I veered off of the sidewalk and away from the road and ran through gravel planters to keep bushes between myself and possible onlookers who might also violently confront me. I was winded as sucking air through a tiny hole in my face was more like breathing through a gas mask or wet socks.
Ahead was the first thing I recognized in a bit. It was the five story student union building. Despite the event Sydney was attending, the Union was a quiet, unpopulated and dark place to be on a Friday night. The Union also housed the student clinic.
In my head I pictured the doors as grand white rectangles but all I could see now were dark green blotchy oblong outlines on a black and purple surface. I believed I was coming in the back corner of the building where I may give a security camera operator a fright if he looked closely enough but otherwise I believed no one would be near. I remember myself contemplating heading straight for the clinic or hiding out in one of the empty study rooms and waiting this condition out.
Despite the occasional draining sound in my ears I was able to make out Pete and Kevin's winded voices somewhere behind me. My plans went out the window as I ran scared through the wide halls of the Union with my roommates still in pursuit. My luck was running out as I tried multiple study room doors and found them locked, in fact an entire wing, the wing with the student clinic was closed off by an overhead chain link divider. I was a rat in a maze running out of places to run.
I pushed through the first door I found open and froze. There were dozens, maybe hundreds of people in this room. I realized immediately I had stumbled into the event Sydney was involved in. My hearing had steadily degraded to where everything sounded like I had my head dunked in an aquarium but I could still make out someone talking about the sponsor of the event – Students for a Sober Society.
“Oh my god!” I recognized the voice as Sydney. She blindsided me, “That is such a great costume! I love the spandex work over the head! That is hardcore.”
I garbled something back to her. I tried begging her for help but she kept fawning over my costume.
“I've never would have expected someone to be so committed to the cause of sobriety – you're literally an anti-drinking icon. You drank your face off!”
There was a whirlwind of activity as she turned more and more heads and attention my way. Someone came in with something in their hand. Sydney wrapped her arm around my shoulder while I heard someone's flip phone make a fake shutter snap sound.
I backpedaled out of Sydney's embrace and out of the room. I wasn't going to find the help I needed. I was shattered that I had won, for a moment, my crush's attention but had no way of knowing if she recognized me as anything more than a false mascot for the dangers of drinking. I plunged around to the other side of the Union when Pete and Kevin spotted me from the hall. I fell though the doors leading to the Square – the large grassy area at the heart of the campus.
At this point everything was totally fading out. My ears felt like they had been filled with concrete and whatever after image of having eyes I had was almost gone. I ran my hands across the bushes lining the square and weaved between the paths and the open grass hoping to continue to evade my roommates and anyone else. I had a map of campus in my head and there was only one other place I felt I could hide and be safe for now.
The street lamps on the Square seemed to brighten significantly all of the sudden. I wondered if campus security was now after me or maybe after Pete because the last time I saw his outline he was still wielding a baseball bat. I was running, as loosely defined, on rest of my adrenaline and the booze to Underground Library.
I knew it locked automatically late at night, would be poorly attended if not deserted,, and had plenty of places to hide. I pushed into the door and headed down the stairs, about thirty feet down and then ducked into the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and sprawled out on the tile floor. I think I started to cry as the last bit of tactile sensation fled my body. If I had lips I suppose I would have kissed my ass goodbye as last outlines of things blurred into the rest of the deep black.
The next thing I knew I was that I was being poked painfully in the back. I instinctively rolled over and felt an immediate wash of stiffness and pain wash over me. I gasped and groaned but despite the pain I felt a rush of euphoria that I could feel and I feel my mouth unzip and make noise again.
“Another damn drunk kid.” Someone said over me. I could hear again! I willed my newly found eyelids open with the same force I'd open rip open a bag of chips. I blinked a few times and an older grizzled face of the janitor came into full color and full focus.
“My face!” I shouted as I curled myself up to bring my felt under me. My head felt heavy and pulsed and quaked with an unspeakable pain. As I lurched to stand, I felt like I had a manhole cover stuck in my stomach. “What happened to my face?”
“Why don't you check the mirror, kid.” The janitor withdrew his mop stick and let me walk out to the sinks. In the mirror I could someone or something had drawn in black marker on my face the phrase “Gone Drinkin'”.
I shambled home rubbing my head and my stomach. I bewildered by the hangover as I tried to retrace my steps. I walked through the door of my apartment and found Pete and Kevin passed out on the floor and couch respectively with beers spilled on the floor and the bat beside Pete. When finally woke up they wondered where I had been but I told them I left to go to Rocko's. They didn't seem to question it. When I asked them about the bat, they looked at each other and replied by saying they were just goofing around. We never spoke of that evening again.
A few days past and I wondered if I had dreamed this all up or maybe I was just incredibly drunk and had imagined some of it. The only proof I had was a blurred phone camera image of my faceless “costume” printed in the weekly student newspaper in an article about the Students for a Sober Society event. The whole response to my appearance only deepened my terror that something so strange and devastating could occur and no one bats an eye. We are instinctively driven to some banal explanation and go our own way in the face, pun intended, of true strangeness, of things truly unexplained, of things that make no sense.
Needless to say I did not drink again and I tried my hardest to put that night out of my head. The only reason I'm typing all this up and putting this out there is that tonight is my graduation night and it was the closest I've come to drinking since that night. Pete, Kevin, and Sydney are at this frat house celebrating our final night on campus and I've taken shelter in their small makeshift computer lab. Before I ended up here I wondered in a daze with a full solo cup in hand through the entire yard, the pool area, and the house as “Frank Sinatra” by Cake blared over me. There are dozens of people without faces here.
By Theo Plesha