I FIRE'd at probably the worst market conditions in a while on Jan 1, 2022. So it's been about 2.5 years.
Here's my net worth numbers, I am renting, so this is all invested in mutual funds. No additional side income. I am assuming a 3% SWR. I'm now 38 years old, single, no kids.

Date	Net Worth	Percent Change	Safe Withdrawal
Jan 2022	3.4M		104k
July 2022	2.8M	-18%	84k
Oct 2022	2.6M	-24%	78k
Nov 2022	2.8M	-18%	85k
Feb 2023	3M	-12%	91k
Dec 2023	3.3M	-3%	101k
March 2024	3.5M	+2%	105k
May 2024	3.6M	+6%	110k

Withdrawals:

• 2022: 15k ( Had cash on hand already )
• 2023: 77k
• 2024: YTD 32k / Estimated: 64-85k

Analysis / Questions
I think the highest my withdrawals would be this year would be 85k. Given that the lowest my SW number went was around 78k I'm thinking this might be a pretty good baseline to try to keep moving forward?
Aside from tracking my withdrawals, I haven't really been tracking my expenses too much. It's been a breath of fresh air to relax and not be so obsessed with the numbers on a weekly or monthly basis. I have a very simple setup for handling my checking and savings accounts with bills and regular spending that I can share in a follow up post if anyone is interested.
For major upcoming life expenses, I'm looking to buy some land out in the country and eventually build a home on it when / if I decide to move further away from the city center. My strategy for doing this will be most likely a personal line of credit that's secured with investments. I think this will end up being less interest than getting a land loan, but i'm not sure yet. One friend suggests only paying interest on this loan & keeping money in the market as long as possible, but idk. I like the idea of paying it off with whatever excess money I have in my capital gains limit and still be at 0% tax.
The area I'm looking at is an up and coming area that's currently experiencing explosive growth, so it seems like a good time to buy now and I'll be thinking of the purchase as an additional investment for now, since I'll still be renting for a few more years. So I'd keep that amount of money in my safe withdrawal calculations. There's a very good chance it'll appreciate as much or more than the stock market in the next 10 years.
Another area that I have a question: I have about 400k in my 401k and with my excess capital gains I can convert some of it to a Traditional IRA and then roll into a Roth IRA. I'm not sure if this is worth doing vs doing a capital gains harvest if we have another up year.
With a capital gains harvest in 2023, I was able to harvest around 20k and reset the cost basis. I think I could have instead converted 20k from my 401k to my Roth and paid around 10% tax on it in order to do that. I'm curious what y'all think is best?
ChatGPT seems to think the best plan is different depending on up and down years. On up years, harvest as much capital gains as possible while also doing a small roth conversion that keeps me in the lowest income tax bracket of 10%. On down years, harvest losses and do larger roth conversions since the losses can be used to offset taxable income and stay within that 10% bracket.
Learnings
- When you transition to FIRE it's very important to turn off re-invest dividends and have them sent straight to your bank account instead. I made a mistake with this in year 1 & 2 and ended up with a wash sale on some of my re-invested dividends. Then just withdraw extra money as needed throughout the year.

• Retire TO something. This has been mentioned a lot on this forum, but I FIRE'd to escape work hell that I was in and didn't have a solid plan for after. I was under too much stress to formulate much of a plan at the time and I paid for it. I spent almost a year in a deep depression. I would recommend figuring out what you want to do with your time while you're still working. Another thing to consider is you can actually do this stuff a little bit while still working, you'll just have more time afterwards! I did eventually start a few fun projects I wanted to try and made some major life changes, so things are looking up this year!
• Have a consulting side business if it makes sense. If you're planning to actually try to work then you want an LLC otherwise it's cheaper to register as a sole proprietorship. It's pretty fun to hop on phone calls and talk about stuff you're interested in. Very low stress, would recommend. I've only done a few, but I would do more. The major benefit of this is you can write off expenses for a bunch of stuff, which allows you to harvest more gains at the end of the year to reset cost basis and save more money on taxes in the long run. It's important to stay very diligent with separating your income / expenses for business vs personal. But this also provides an opportunity to get a ton of credit card points on a business card if you're planning to set up a home office with a new computer and stuff.
• Pay estimated taxes! I messed this one up last year and got a small penalty.

FAQ

• How did I FIRE at an early age? It was due to a startup that blew up. I consider it to be equal parts hard work and luck to be honest. Not everyone at my company got the same payout though. I had negotiated better terms throughout the time I was there, so that's something to keep in mind.
• Do I plan to stay single and no kids? I'm hoping to find another relationship which I expect will increase my expenses a bit. IDK about kids, but I'm assuming that if I do then I'll need to go back to work or lean on my partner's work if they wish to keep working. I'll make that decision once the time comes. Maybe I'll get with someone that FIRE'd at an even higher amount? hahahaha

Thanks for taking the time to read this and sharing your thoughts!

The Old Machine

By Angel Arevalo
The first time I saw the old machine was as Benny’s father closed his study door to us. It was already a relic then, a heap of beige plastic from a bygone era. The monitor was a beige box with a screen made of thick glass. It must have weighed a ton. It sat odious on the rectangular beige case that contained its thinking guts. Peripherals included a keyboard, a mouse, and a phone.
The phone was not a flat screened supercomputer the way the phones of today are. It was a simple speaker and receiver, with a rotating dial instead of buttons. Technically it was capable of making calls from a connected landline, but this was not its true purpose. Its true purpose was to make communication between the internet and the old machine possible. It did this through the magic of sound. According to Benny, who heard it from his father, the data from the internet came in the form of audible sound. Once it was called, the phone could be placed on a stand from which the old machine could “hear” the signals and translate them back into binary code.
My imagination stirred at the idea of “hearing” the internet. I could put something tangible to the invisible force that allowed me to watch endless streams of videos, or chat with friends from around the world. Benny probably more than me. He lived with the damn thing. However it was off limits.
As much as we wanted to hear the internet, Benny’s father would not have it. His study was entirely forbidden to us, and on the few occasions when he had allowed us entry to give us a word of sage advice or to admonish us for childish antics, he would use himself as a physical barrier between us and the old machine. His physical language was such that neither Benny or I had ever thought to ask for permission. Neither of us believed he would even consider the idea, and the most likely outcome would be that he would make it all that much harder to do so behind his back.
So we waited. Bided our time. As children, this was all that was afforded to us.
This forced patience paid off.
There came a very unusual day in Benny’s house. Often it was Benny’s mother who was charged with the daily maintenance of the household, but outstanding circumstances meant that she was forced to take the day off. If I remember correctly it was to do with Benny’s grandmother, but that is neither here nor there. The important thing is that Benny’s father had to take over the daily run of the house. Part of that was buying the groceries for that night's dinner, so here was a rare moment where the house and the study would be left completely unattended.
The moment we heard his father’s car leave the driveway, we were on it.
The door to his father’s study, where the old machine was kept, was locked, but we accounted for this. Benny had been practicing opening the locks around his house, and they were all the same make and model. Benny stuck the finer end of a hairpin into the keyhole and opened the lock as quickly as if he had the key.
The door swung open, and perched on the desk, was the old machine, in all its pristine beige glory.
It was a comically frightful thing, that heap of beige plastic. It sat there, decades old at least, and yet the casing showed no sign of yellowing. The screen, which showed that it was turned off, was a yawning black abyss; and the deadly silence of the room was disturbed by something that was not quite tangible, but an almost physical mental pressure, like gentle psychic breathing. The pressure was such that you could feel it in the base of your skull, and much more lightly, around your head and in your ears. It made one feel as if they were in the presence of a great monster, and not, in fact, an old beige box of outdated electronics.
“C’mon,” said Benny, stepping into the room. Evidently I had been stuck in place for some time. Benny on the other hand seemed much less wary than me. He scampered forward, smiling as he pulled back his fathers study chair so he could stand on it and reach the strange phone with its rotating dial.
Not nearly as brave, and suddenly three times more cautious, I stood back as he picked up the phone to “listen” to the internet. Depending on how you view it, the phone was luckily, or rather “unluckily”, in its translation stand, meaning that it was at that time communicating with the internet. Benny’s face twisted uncomfortably before breaking into a giddy smile.
“Ooh!” he said, smiling. “That’s creepy!”
He held it to his ear like that for a minute or so, wrinkling his nose from time to time before smiling again and throwing me a conspiratorial smirk. His giddy enthusiasm, despite the sound being what he called “creepy” seemed to calm me down some. Benny always had a way of doing that to me. Suddenly I was excited. He saw this, and offered me his place on his father’s seat.
“Here,” he said, still smirking. “It’s terrible!”
I took his place on the seat, and picked up the phone. It was heavier than I expected. Heavier than any smart phone I had ever held. It was like picking up the lighter end of an animal’s meaty tail. I felt a sudden hesitation, but Benny was still brimming with joy, goading me to have a listen.
I put the phone to my ear, and heard whispers. Surprised, I let the phone slip out of my hands to clatter to the floor.
They had been quiet whispers, barely audible, but audible they were. The whispers painted a picture for me. A sticky red room. A friend, here but not here. I saw the old machine in a new home, and with a new keeper, a willing thrall.
I think Benny would have laughed at me if he had not also been struck stupid in that same moment. Standing in the doorway of his study was his father.
It is difficult to speak ill of the dead, which is funny, because it’s not like they care, but that’s just the way of things. Benny’s father had always been a kind man. If not a kind man then certainly a dutiful father. He was always there for Benny, always there to give a word of wisdom or a consoling hug, but on occasion there was a glint of something sinister behind his eyes. It appeared sporadically, mostly during conversations with other adults. Somewhere in the middle of a conversation between the tragic loss of a child in another state or several towns over, or in discussing the statistic and calculus of death such as a mass shooting, that furtive sparkle behind his eye would manifest, and he would become, for a fraction of a second, someone else. That spark was there now, and it was aimed at me.
Benny’s father saw that I had the phone in my hand. He saw his boy beside me, and that spark behind his eye turned into a barely controlled flame. There was so much hate there.
“Benjamin,” he said in a deathly calm voice, in a heavily restrained voice. “Please tell me you didn’t let your friend here talk you into picking up that phone.”
“He didn’t, dad, he didn’t,” answered Benny.
“Did you pick up the phone too?”
“Of course not dad,” Benny lied.
Relief washed over his father’s face. He ran past the threshold of the study and knelt down to wrap his arms around his boy. He then looked at me.
“Get out,” he said quietly, nearly on the verge of tears. Then again, louder, “GET OUT!”
I was still too stunned to move, even after the second shout, but then Benny’s father rose– with Benny still in his hands. The menace I felt. I bolted from the study, running past Benny and his father.
I learned from Benny at school the next day that we weren’t allowed to play together anymore. Benny’s father didn’t even want to see me anywhere near him. It was ridiculous. We were neighbors for crying out loud! Benny was my best friend, who else was I going to play with? And for what? But it didn’t matter. Benny’s father had made his decree, and Benny had to abide. At least we still had school. Benny’s father couldn’t dictate who he spoke to there.
Benny and I sulked for that whole school day, unable to enjoy the little time we were going to have together. We sulked like that together at school for ages. And in this way, the strange whispers that we heard in the phone were almost forgotten, overshadowed by our forced separation.
Every day after school I hoped and prayed that my exile from Benny’s home would end, and in a roundabout and terrible way, my prayers were answered.
A year later, Benny was pulled from class, after which he disappeared for a week. His home, which was next to mine, sat dark and empty. For a whole week I heard nothing from him, not any social platform or messaging medium. When I finally did hear from him, it was no longer Benny. It was the shell of a person that had once been a child. It was Benny, aged eons.
The broken shell that had been Benny stumbled into class. He said nothing, and looked at no one. It wasn’t until lunch period that I finally got anything out of him, and when I did, I don’t think I could ever have been ready to hear it.
That day that Benny had been pulled out of class was the day that his mother had been arrested for the murder of his father. She was found in his study, and according to police, was basically mid act. How the police were alerted so quickly as to show up with the crime in progress was never fully revealed to Benny personally, but news coverage afterwards revealed that an anonymous tip had arrived at the police station.
Benny’s mother would stand by her innocence until the very end, but the fact that she was witnessed by police in the middle of committing the act made it indefensible. Her trajectory to the lethal injection room was one of the swiftest the state had ever seen.
It was tragic. Benny was out both parents, and it was all the more tragic because Benny didn’t have any other family. His last grandparent had passed the year prior. He was due to go into foster care, but God bless my parents, because they took him in. Benny got to stay in town, with a family that loved him nearly as much as his own had.
Benny stayed in my life, it was the reverse of what had happened the year prior when his father had found us listening to the internet on the old machine. Now Benny was in my life more than ever, but also not.
Physically he was there. Benny and I shared a room, and we hung out all the time. Mentally, or perhaps even spiritually, Benny just wasn’t with me anymore. His soul was in some godsforsaken elsewhere. His inner self was closed off to me. My mind didn’t have the words or wisdom to say what was wrong, only that despite being around him nearly 24 hours a day, he felt absent.
It wasn’t until later, much later, years later really, when Benny and I were well into our teens that I felt like I saw the real him again. His home, and everything in it, the things that had once been his father’s, were his. He’d never cared much about that. He’d never even mentioned his not exactly meager inheritance beyond the vague idea that he supposed he would move into his old home once he became an adult. Other than that he made no mention of his old home, which sat dim and forgotten next to mine. He hadn’t so much as stepped inside of it since he left for school on the day of the murder.
But one day, on the porch, while the sun was beginning to die on the horizon, Benny asked me if I would go into his old house with him. We were pushing seventeen, and college bound so I supposed at the time that he was seeking a kind of closure. Despite the vast chasm that Benny’s depression had carved between us, I wanted to be there for my best friend, so I agreed to go along with him.
Once we were at his old doorstep, Benny produced a small, unopened, envelope. He tore it open, and produced a key that he used to open the door to his old home. I watched him do this and felt a pang in my heart that was something more than sadness. I didn’t have a name for it. I just knew that it was coming from Benny. The straw that broke the camel’s back was Benny looking behind him to see me, and flashing me the barest hint of a smile that was filled with the same sadness that panged in my chest a moment ago. It was the tiniest crease on the corner of his mouth, but it broke me. That crease was the most genuine thing I’d gotten from him in years.
I wish I had been brave enough to cry, but I swallowed those tears. Drowned out all emotion, because I thought that was what the burgeoning man I wanted to become would have done.
We entered the house, which was dark and smelled awful. There was a rot in there that had settled into the very foundation.
“Augh,” I let out, “what is that?”
“I– Uhm… I don’t now.” That’s what he said, but something told me that he did know. He just didn’t want to say it out loud for some reason.
In my role as supportive best friend, I still hadn’t asked why Benny had wanted to come back here. So I decided to do that then, but as he ascended up the stairs I knew there was only one destination he had in mind. His father’s study. The old machine.
I kept my mouth shut, but I wonder sometimes if maybe I should have started protesting. I wonder if maybe I should have dragged Benny back out the door, kicking and screaming, but those are just what ifs and meaningless regrets. Even if I dragged him out then and there, so what? He would just come back without me. If I had barred him in any way he would just choose a different time and place, and he would be doing it alone. No. I had no choice. It was inevitable. There’s no stopping the inevitable. So I did nothing.
We ascended up the stairs together. The smell of deep seeded rot grew heavier. It was in the stairs, in the walls, in wood and the furniture. Apart from the smell, everything looked normal, as if frozen in time. I could practically envision us running down the hallway playing tag.
That changed in the study.
Benny and I reached the door. Yellow police tape from when this was an active crime scene was still there. The rot was strongest here. Had the site of the murder never been cleaned?
As Benny turned the knob I swallowed back some anxious energy, and stowed it away in the same place that I threw that soul breaking pang in my heart.
Inside we found the desk, the books shelves, his father’s office chair. All of it was as it once was, except that now every inch of it was covered in a film of something that was muddy red. The sticky red room.
There was only one part of the study that was disturbingly clean of the muddy red source of the rot. The old machine.
It sat perched on the desk, slumbering and waiting. It was pristine. Its comically mundane beige casing was clean, and every piece and peripheral like the keyboard and attached phone were in mint condition. It was alien, how clean it was compared to everything else in the room.
Benny took a heavy breath, and stepped forward. He approached the old machine, examining it in the dying light of the sun.
“I’m going to need your help carrying this back home,” he said.
This would have been my second opportunity to say “no”. I should have, but again, why? All it would mean was another trip or two for him on his lonesome, and then I would just be the friend that bailed out on him halfway through something that seemed very important for him. So I said “okay.”
We gathered up the odd ends of the old machine. Benny carried the monitor, and I carried the thinking guts, and between us we shared the weight of the peripherals.
Once we were home, Benny got to work putting the thing back together. He seemed to fly into a manic fugue state. He worked rapidly to put the old machine together, connecting every odd end, beginning to sweat as he did so. His eyes became deranged, and then suddenly, with only the power cord left to plug in, he stopped.
He stared into the black abyss of the old machine’s monitor, and did nothing for a long minute that stretched out into eternity. Benny put the power cord down and shoved it into a box. I didn’t question this. If anything I was relieved. I hadn’t realized it until just then, but as Benny was putting the thing together I had started to feel a deadly pressure building in the back of my skull. I didn’t dare ask why he stopped, worried that I might accidentally reignite his resolve.
Together we chose to forget the old machine. Or so I thought.
The last few months of our senior year passed, and they were the best months I’d had with Benny in a long long while. I think collecting that beige heap of plastic, that old machine, it had brought something to a close for him. Whether it was simple catharsis or something more I’ll never know, but I’ll cherish those last few months for the rest of my life. It was the last I’d ever see of Benny again.
With college came real distance, and although we kept in touch through video and text, we never met in person, the times just never lined up. Benny was his own man, and although it brought a small amount of heartbreak to my parents that their adoptive son never seemed to find the time to visit them, they were more than anything glad to see that he at least seemed to be enjoying life. That was definitely the facade he sold on social media.
It was at the start of my second year at college that I got the first wisp that something was wrong with Benny. He sent me something, a file that I couldn’t open, in a format that I didn’t recognize. I thought it must be some kind of obscure meme, but when I couldn’t decipher it, I got a pit in my stomach and I sent him a brisk “wtf?”
He never replied.
It was the last of anything I would ever get from Benny personally. A few weeks later my parents contacted me to tell me that Benny had killed himself.
What followed was a rapid procession of life. That I somehow managed to continue to turn in my school work for the next week or so, was a fact. That I then used the following fall break to attend Benny’s funeral was also true. Mixed in there was a meeting with a lawyer that let me know that I was the sole inheritor of Benny’s estate. This all happened, and I have a very superficial recollection of it all. But in truth I was half a ghost myself. My body– no –my soul, had gone into a form of catatonia. I became an unchanging statue, a rock in the ever flowing stream of life. Things happened, but they seemed to flow past me in a ceaseless stream of almost memories.
On the last day of the fall semester, in a fit of pique depression, looking for something to occupy the void of my soul, I remembered the message that Benny had sent me. I redoubled my efforts to decipher the unknown file type, and scoured the internet for a decoder or playback device that would be able to read it for me. Eventually I stumbled on the answer. It was a type of sound file. With that information it was surprisingly simple to find an app to play it back.
I brought the file over to my phone, and loaded it into the app, and hit play. What came out were whispers. I dropped my phone like it was made of hot iron. The phone clattered to the floor, but kept playing the whispers, which remained just at the edge of audibility no matter how far away I retreated from them.
When it finished playing I was relieved. I also realized I had understood none of it. Unlike the whispers I had heard in my childhood, these had been unintelligible. I tried them again, but although I could hear something I could make out nothing. But I knew a way that I could. The old machine.
The next opportunity I got, I went home. I went back up to my room to look for the old machine, but of course it wasn’t there. It hadn’t been there for a long time. Benny had taken it with him when he went his own way during college. I had to ask my parents to help me find it, and they directed me to the garage, where boxes of Benny’s old things were piled up. Things he had taken with him and things that he had acquired while he was away at college. The old machine was packed into one of those boxes, with a sticky note on the screen. A phone number, possibly left there by Benny himself.
I took the box up to my old room and got to work putting the old machine back together. Slowly it came alive, and bit by bit I felt that dreadful pressure building in the base of my skull. As I connected the monitor to the thinking guts I felt a spark of awareness, as if I was suddenly in danger or being watched. As I connected the peripherals, the pressure around my skull grew heavier and I began to sweat. The feeling only intensified as I plugged the thing into the power, and it came to a pique when I finally connected the strange phone stand to the internet. It’s alive! Gods of all faith and creed, help me! It’s alive!
I turned it on.
The screen lit up, and I noticed that I’d forgotten to remove the sticky note that had been placed there. I ripped it off and crumpled it in my palm as I watched the old machine finish its startup sequence.
I’m not sure what I expected. I certainly hadn’t expected it to feel so normal, or look so mundane. The operating system was definitely proprietary but other than that it felt no more alien than Windows, or Apple. Navigating it felt as natural as anything.
I found the program that would allow me to interpret the whisper recording on my phone. It was the same one that would normally connect to the internet, except this time instead of letting the translator hear the bulky beige phone, I would put my smartphone up to the translator while the recording played. I did this, and for a few tense moments nothing seemed to happen, and then I noticed that something had been downloaded onto the desktop.
The file was called “Dad(1)” and for a moment I felt like an idiot. The “(1)” appearing after the word “Dad” suggested that a version of this file was already downloaded, and of course it would be, this was probably where Benny had sent me the file from. I checked the now translated file and saw that it was a video. The thumbnail showed a man sitting at his desk.
Benny’s dad.
My hand trembled as it reached for the mouse, and clicked on the video.
The video was a top down perspective of the study, and it started at 100, there was no buildup or context to what was happening on the screen. Benny’s father was skinning himself alive. The footage of it was grainy, and was twice as disturbing for it, because the more skin that Benny’s father peeled off the more grainy red pixels appeared on screen.
It was difficult to tell how much of this Benny’s father was doing of his own volition. Heavily pixelated expressions of agony played on his face. He twisted and squirmed, he writhed in pain and appeared to yell into the ceiling as he striped reels of flesh from his arm, and then his legs, and then his chest, and on and on. I couldn’t look away. As much as I wanted to look away I couldn’t, I was forced to watch by my own horribly morbid fascination. God help me. No. God forgive me. I. could. Not. Look. Away.
It was Benny’s father’s twisted and pained flailing that covered the study in blood, leaving the room red and sticky. How he produced so much blood, and in fact, how he had been able to remain conscious this whole time was a mystery to anyone. The act didn’t stop until a light appeared from offscreen, and then suddenly Benny’s mother barged into the study to see her screaming husband. He tried to skin her alive as well, but she fought back. They began to wrestle each other, slipping in the wet puddle of his blood. Soon the blood itself stopped being the worst thing on display, as the father’s viscera began to spill out of him, the membrane that had held it together inside his abdomen splitting open in the tussle. It was an awful scene, and still, I couldn’t look away.
The fight continued like that for some time. With the two of them on the ground, fighting for control of the knife that the father had used to skin himself alive. Even with half the father spilt and spread around the room it was a hard won victory for Benny’s mother. She finally managed to wrestle the knife away from the dying man, and plunged it into his chest, just as shadows appeared from the direction of the doorway. The mother broke down as police aimed their guns at her, and then the video ended.
“Did you like it?” appeared in text over the end of the video.
“What the fuck?” I remember saying out loud.
Why hadn’t Benny turned this in? I thought. His mom was dead, sure, but why not clear her name? Why hadn’t he told me straight away what he’d found? Why had he– I didn’t let myself ask that last question. Instead I unclenched my palm, and looked at the crumpled sticky note. If there was a logical answer to any of this, then maybe it was on the other end of that number. That’s what I told myself anyway.
I put my phone away, and picked up the phone attached to the old machine. It took a few tries to get the method of dialing correct– I’d never used a rotary style phone before, and I didn’t know how to spin the wheel to “dial” the number that I needed, but I managed it. The phone rang for a bit, and then the whispers started to erupt from whatever black beyond I called.
I placed the phone on the translator, and on the monitor, the desktop came alive. The old machine’s proprietary web browser opened and landed on a bare bones white webpage. It reminded me somewhat of a dark web directory.
The dark web isn’t as difficult to navigate as you might think. The difference between a dark web site and a regular one is that dark web sites are unlisted, meaning they don’t show up on search engines, and often they require special browsers and specific URLs. Those URLs are usually kept on some kind of surface web directory. This looked a lot like that. A list of URLs ran down the bare bones page in a ladder of blue.
They were hyperlinks, all of them, and one of them stood out to me immediately.
“Do you want to see how he did it?” It read.
It shouldn’t have freaked me out. There was no way that link could be talking about Benny, which is where my mind went first. There was simply no way.
So I clicked it. And I guess… there was. Somehow there was a way.
I won’t say what I saw. It wasn’t nearly as graphic as his father’s death. In that sense it wasn’t nearly as “interesting”, but even still I can’t bring myself to recount it. It’s too personal. In that way it was much much worse, so much worse. The look in his eyes… despair. There was something almost beautiful about it.
No.
There was something beautiful about it.
At the end of the video, a familiar message popped up.
“Did you like it?”
A box beneath the video asked for a reply. I typed one in.
“Do you want to see more?”
Another box. Another reply.
I saw more.

Welcome to our fifth discussion of Leviathan Wakes. Hold onto your cool detective hats or your environment suits, because we finally get some answers to our mystery! This week, we will discuss Chapters 34-40. The Marginalia post is here. You can find the Schedule here.
The discussion questions are below. One note - this is a very popular book series and TV show, but please keep in mind that not everyone has read or watched already, so be mindful not to include anything that could be a hint or a spoiler! Please mark spoilers not related to this section of the book using the format > ! Spoiler text here !< (without any spaces between the characters themselves or between the characters and the first and last words).
Now brace yourselves: here comes the juice!
Chapter Summaries:
Chapter 34 - Miller: Detective Miller and the crew of the Roci board the hidden ship (the one that captured the crew of the Scopuli before destroying it), wearing environment suits because the ship has no atmosphere - someone left the doors open. They stick together at first as they move through the ship, discovering signs of a struggle, zombie vomit, and twelve torpedo tubes big enough to destroy capital ships like the Donnager or the Canterbury. Miller uses his detective skills to determine that everyone but Julie retreated to engineering. Once there, they discover a truly grisly sight: layers of human flesh and bones are sort of fused around the reactor, which has been shut down. Naomi and Holden gasp in shock and disgust, Miller turns on his cop brain to suppress emotion and view it as a crime scene, and Amos seems… calm and able to ignore the gore. The team splits up to look for more clues.
Amos stays in engineering to start up the computers and get the reactor back online. Naomi works on the ops deck to run diagnostics. Miller and Holden head to the bridge, which wasn’t affected by the fighting onboard. Miller reviews the internal feeds and finds footage showing the captured Scopuli crew being led onto the ship, stripped, and put in restraints. Julie fights back viciously but is knocked unconscious and stuffed in a locker with a jumpsuit (which is where we met her in the prologue). The crew is left in the galley for 132 hours before they decide to make a stand, but it is quickly suppressed. One of the crew is thrown out an airlock and the others are heavily restrained as they scream and cry. Just as Miller gets to the first appearance of a vomit zombie (at hour 160 of footage), Amos yells that he’s been exposed to some radiation because the human flesh blob had damaged the reactor shielding. He decides to keep working while Alex monitors his health status from the Roci.
Then Holden calls Miller over to view one of the last feeds Julie accessed. It’s a corporate presentation video created for a man named Dresden and the board of Protogen. It features a man Miller dubs “the sociopath” because of his cold, practiced smile…and because of the content. The sociopath tells the board (and us) the history of scientific discovery on Phoebe, which was thought to just be a moon and a source of water, but became a research station when a survey found complex silicon structures in the ice. Protogen was tasked with investigating and discovered that Phoebe is not a moon but evidence of a galactic biosphere: it is an alien weapon sent towards Earth 2 ⅓ billion years ago, which never made it because of orbital mechanics. Protogen has discovered that this weapon is not alive per se; rather, it is something they’ve termed the “protomolecule” which has the ability to maintain structure while replicating other systems and manipulating them at scalable rates. Of course, they alerted the proper authorities and made sure… just kidding, they’ve secretly been doing tests. The sociopath believes that whoever controls the protomolecule will gain control of all political and economic power going forward. Chillingly, the sociopath urges them to pursue large-scale testing to understand the protomolecule and its human applications. That large-scale testing is Eros.
TL;DR - Julie found evidence that Protogen has discovered an alien weapon, branded it the “protomolecule”, and secretly tested it on the people of Eros (and probably other smaller tests). The entire war has just been a distraction.
Chapter 35 - Holden: Naomi explains that most of the messages on the comm logs have been coded, but the last one is in plain text: the captain informed Thoth Station that the ship was contaminated, everyone was about to die, and the “materials” had been secured. He also planned to send vector data so they could find the ship. The Roci crew put two and alien-symbol-for-two together: they figure out that the captain has locked protomolecule samples in his safe. They also decide that the tightbeam messages were being sent to a secret research station Protogen was using to monitor the Eros experiment. Even though the fact “Naomi is the best” is a proven concept on par with “space is cold”, she is NOT able to open the captain’s safe, so they decide to cut it out of the wall and bring it with them on the Roci. They also scuttle the ship so no one can a) recover the stealth technology and alien weapons, or b) get exposed to the protomolecule-human soup inside. (Amos would have preferred to hack the frozen dead body goo off the reactor with a chainsaw and salvage such an impressive and expensive ship, which is… another way to go.)
It’s clear that someone else with stealth tech is searching actively for this ship, but the Roci won’t see them coming so they decide to get the hell out of Dodge. Naomi jokes that their options include turning the safe over to the OPA (they’d be heroes), selling out to Mars (they’d be rich), or starting their own biotech firm (just kidding, that’s evil). When Miller checks in with Holden about a decision on where to go next, he drops a figurative bomb on him regarding actual bombs in the news. Since Holden did his best Edward Snowden impersonation and leaked the data that the mystery ships are from Earth, Mars asked a few too many questions and in response, Earth has blown up a whole bunch of Martian ships and destroyed the Deimos deep radar station. Miller ruefully gives Holden credit for sticking to his guns about his belief in “free information”. He also points out that Holden’s principles make him responsible for all those deaths and the destruction of the Earth-Mars Coalition… and possibly the universe as they know it.
Chapter 36 - Miller: The war between Mars and the Belt seems like no big deal now that Earth and Mars are fighting. Miller watches the news feeds as the conflict turns into a blockade, and he realizes he is steeling himself for an announcement of a planetary attack on Earth or Mars, but it never comes. He and Amos deal with the stress by having beer for breakfast.
Miller meets up with Holden in the med bay for their routine blood flushes and cancer treatments, and they reopen their debate about what to do with the data files and who is to blame for the war(s).

• Holden’s position: Broadcast everything to everyone! (I know, I know, so out of character, right?) People will understand that they’ve been set up and will turn their wrath on Protogen instead of each other. Also, these are ancient conflicts. The Belt has always hated Mars and the inner planets in general. Mars and Earth have always had animosities secretly brewing and they do military training for the inevitable showdown. Or as Miller puts it, “Not my powder keg; I just brought the match.”
• Miller’s position: Stop and consider what people will do if they hear an Earth company did this. Every other data leak has been used as an excuse to shoot at someone the other side doesn’t like. Also, people suck. They aren’t going to hold hands and sing Kumbaya just because Protogen is the bad guy. They’ll move on to shooting each other so they can be the ones to control the protomolecule. Or as Holden puts it, “Maybe Protogen is a little right. People are too dumb to be trusted with big information so we should keep hard, scary stuff a big secret. That’ll totally work out.”

Holden’s idealism starts to fade as he takes in Miller’s hard truths about humanity. To be fair, Miller loses a little idealism over his perceptions of the inner planets’ relationship which, to the Belt, seemed stable and friendly enough (and united against them). Miller encourages Holden to use Naomi’s judgment as a measuring stick for whether something is right (similar to how he uses illusion-Julie as his conscience and sounding board) and then he goes back to the news feeds to watch Ceres slowly collapse into chaos. Holden decides the only person and place he trusts - or at least doesn’t completely distrust - is Fred Johnson on Tycho Station, so they head there. Holden also wonders why they don’t just destroy the safe and make sure everyone stays away from Eros and Phoebe; Miller admits it’s because the protomolecule might just be the holy grail.
Chapter 37 - Holden: The crew of the Roci is taking a break from doom scrolling to cook fake space lasagna for dinner and bond over the food and conversation. As Holden watches the crew laugh at Amos’s belches and Miller’s wild story about cheese smuggling, he reflects that they represent all three prongs of the conflict: Naomi and Miller are Belters, Amos and he are from Earth, and Alex is from Mars. Yet they’re friends, and Holden knows this is what they have to fight for. The cheese smuggling makes no sense to Amos (why cheese and not drugs?), and Naomi points out that this illustrates how little people from the inner planets understand Belters. Earthers have free air and easy access to resources, while Belters know everything that sustains life is rare and their access to it is fragile. And this is why Protogen didn’t blink an eye before killing 1.5 million Belters on Eros: they’re “other”. Then Alex points out that this doesn’t make sense; it's a risky and unnecessarily complicated way to kill people just to satisfy prejudices. It becomes clear that Eros isn’t a hate crime, it’s a vacuum-sealed test tube to let the protomolecule learn how to do its job better by giving it access to a huge amount of biomass. The early transformations looked incomplete, as if it didn’t know how to work with human flesh yet, so Protogen was giving it a chance to train. Holden wants to know where they would even find enough people who would support an evil operation like this, and Miller promises to ask Dresden (the Protogen board member mentioned in the video) when they meet him. Something tells me that conversation won’t go well.
As the Roci approaches Tycho station, Holden and Miller take in the view of the Nauvoo, the partially constructed Mormon generation ship. When Miller says the Mormans may be in for a long and lonely death if they don’t find a habitable planet, Holden notes that this is the good kind of galactic exploration humans can accomplish (the protomolecule being the bad kind). Miller then asks Holden why he trusts Fred, and Holden explains that in addition to being the only person who hasn’t tried to jail them or blow them up since all this began, Fred is “real OPA”: he’s a politician and not part of the war-mongering factions who think they can survive indefinitely without the inner planets. When Miller points out that there isn’t a political solution to Protogen, Holden insists Fred has other skills, too. Later, Fred reads through all the information on the protomolecule and is incredulous that anyone could think to do this. Miller assures him that genocide is an old-school crime and it’s important that they stop it. Holden offers up the location of the observation station in exchange for enough OPA fighters to take down Protogen, and the right to retain custody of the safe and its contents. Fred agrees only after Holden points out that no one else can be trusted to do the right thing with a secret this big. Plus, he says Fred already knows what Holden will do with it.
Chapter 38 - Miller: It feels strange to Miller to explore the wide open spaces of Tycho Station, the fanciest place he has ever set foot on. He notices Naomi working on her hand terminal and letting her food get cold; she is too preoccupied with trying to figure out the location of the station to enjoy the amenities. As they talk, Miller is reminded of Havelock’s advice to just let go when he got pulled off a case, which jogs his memory that Havelock actually works for Protogen! (I’m surprised he didn’t get there faster; maybe everyone had a point that he was sort of a washed up detective.) He rushes off to make contact with his old buddy - probably his last real partner ever - in an encrypted drop site of a Ganymede server cluster. As he waits for a response, Miller is amused to realize he has started thinking like Holden: he feels like someone should warn the Mormans that they could potentially run into the alien creators of the protomolecule who may want to kill them. Havelock comes through, passing along the coordinates to a “very scary deep research and development lab” and asking Miller to be discreet never contact him again so he doesn’t get killed for betraying his employer. Miller sends him an encrypted warning to quit his job ASAP and not take postings at any black ops sites, before saying goodbye for the last time to the only person that still respected him as a cop. (I may or may not be sniffling a bit at this.)
Miller rounds up Naomi and Holden so they can bring Fred the coordinates. In Fred’s office, Miller starts lecturing him about the serious nature of the mission and the need to have a solid plan with adequate firepower, not the usual OPA shenanigans. Everyone’s a little confused until they realize that Miller doesn’t know that Fred is “the butcher of Anderson Station” and a former Colonel in the Earth Navy. Fred assures Miller he’s no amateur and will plan ahead. Miller then insists that he get to come along for the assault on Thoth Station. Eight days later, the plan is set in motion and Miller begins packing his meager belongings into a very small bag, figuring he’ll never see the Roci again. Even if he makes it off Thoth alive, he’ll have to figure out a way to make money and improvise a life plan of some sort. He tries to thank Holden and say goodbye, but the Roci’s captain interrupts Miller to ask where they’ll all meet up after the mission is complete. Miller is confused at first, then overcome with emotion when he realizes Holden considers Miller part of the crew! I’m not crying, you’re crying. Actually, it’s Miller who is weeping. But he pulls himself together so he can head to the assault ship.
Chapter 39 - Holden: The Rocinante needs to sneak up on Thoth Station, so they are pretending to be a loose cargo container that broke off the Guy Molinari (the Belter ship carrying the assault team, which is pretending to be a cargo ship). They fly with everything shut down so that it’s more convincing, hoping they can get close enough to the station to do some damage before Thoth starts firing back. As they approach and are able to reboot everything needed for battle, a stealth ship is spied hanging out near Thoth Station. Then, suddenly it becomes clear that there are two small stealth ships, which will be much harder to fight off. Everyone does their jobs efficiently on the Roci, but in the ensuing battle with the stealth ships, they start to take some damage. First, the Roci is hit by a gauss cannon that goes straight through the machine shop and galley. Holden mourns his coffee maker. Amos notices a leak in the maneuvering thrusters and heads to fix it between the inner and outer hulls, which isn’t an ideal place to be floating around during a battle. This stresses Naomi out, but Holden orders everyone to stay focused. They are able to take out one of the stealth ships, but the other gets close enough to do some impressive damage to the Roci. There is major hull damage as well as loss of four maneuvering thrusters, a PDC, their O2 storage, and the crew airlock. Alex is about to destroy the second stealth ship when the Roci’s point defense cannons (PDCs) detonate an enemy warhead up close. It knocks everyone out, punches holes throughout the Roci (narrowly missing Naomi), dislodges equipment, and fills the ship with debris. Holden marvels that they are alive at all, and Alex points out that is only because the ship’s anti-spalling webbing eliminates shrapnel. They make contact with Fred, who says he’ll find them a place to land, and the Guy Molinari prepares for the assault on Thoth Station. It’s Miller’s turn to shine!
Chapter 40 - Miller: On the Guy Molinari, Miller is talking to a Belter kid named Diogo as they wait for the assault to start. Miller realizes that while he has fancy Martian armor from the Roci and experience with gunfights in station corridors, he is surrounded by inexperienced young Belters with borrowed gear, and he will likely have to watch dozens of them die during the battle. But Diogo isn’t worried; he is confident and eager to get started. Fred announces that they are ready to start boarding since the Roci gave them the “all clear”, and Miller is happy to hear his friends have survived. The assault on the station starts off rough, with Protogen soldiers fighting them in the corridors and automatic defense lasers taking out some of the Belters in the first wave. But Fred knows how to command his OPA “troops” and keep them in line, and things start to go more smoothly as they slow down and maneuver carefully. Miller and Diogo are part of a group taking shelter at Fred’s direction and fending off Protogen counterattacks, and they start to talk during a lull. When two Protogen soldiers sneak up on them from behind, Diogo is hit and Miller chastises himself for chatting during a battle and not staying alert. He thinks Diogo is dead, but he pops up laughing and streaked with white goo from crowd suppression rounds, which Miller finds an odd choice of weapon. It’s the first sign that Thoth Station may not totally understand what’s happening. The OPA soldiers cut their way through the blast doors to get to the operations center, where they find Dresden (the dude mentioned in the sociopath’s Protogen video). Fred arrives to take command of the station, and Dresden offers to negotiate, clearly misunderstanding the reason for the assault. He offers to give the OPA whatever resources they need to go back to fighting their war (money, medical supplies, weapons, ordnance) if they’ll just leave and let the station get back to their very important work. Fred points out that they know about Eros, but Dresden insists no one knows what they did there, and there won’t be a better bargaining position for Fred when Earth sends its battleships. Fred basically calls Dresden Satan, but Dresden doesn’t understand the reference.

TLDR: I’m pretty sure I’m ready to pull the plug but how much do I owe to this relationship?
I (38F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (39M) for about 18 months. We met each other shortly after his separation, and I have been with him through his divorce. We both have kids.
This isn’t a bad guy, but I am increasingly feeling like we are not a good fit. As the parent of kids with ADHD, I strongly suspect he has ADHD, and I get how tough that can be. However, as a single mom (my ex lives in another state), the jokes about him being my extra kid have stopped being funny, the downplaying of my requests has stopped being incidental, interrupting me in the middle of sentences to tell me what he would say is no longer endearing, and the ways we connect just feel different.
We are now doing couples therapy (how are we in therapy only 18 moths into a relationship? Isn’t this supposed to be the honeymoon phase?) and after every session I have a few days where he is hyper aware that he is supposed to care about me, and then it just fades away.
Mothers Day was a loss - we had planned to hang out and then he was just feeling too tired so I did Mother’s Day all on my own with my boys and had to take some time to go to my room and just cry.
He is in a tough spot, with an ex who is making sure he rings up every legal bill imaginable and a career that is stable, but not where he wants it to be. It sounds like he wants me to be this super stable support in his life, and I have been, but I am losing sight of a relationship that feels mutually beneficial.
Last year I broke up with him right before his birthday (because he broke yet another promise that I would get to meet his kids). It sounds like he really felt sad about not being in a relationship (with someone - he’s oddly adamant that he wants a relationship and I seem like a good candidate, not that he wants to be with me) for his birthday. He just threw me a big birthday bash, and his birthday is coming up in a few months. Do I stick it out till then and see how things are going so he’s not alone on his birthday again?
Give me your thoughts- what would be a sign that I should keep trying to make this work, and if I’m right and the time has come, how much do I owe him for the time we’ve already spent together?

Greetings. I have an Ethernet cable and router from my internet provider. For the most part router Wi-Fi is good enough, but I feel like some online FPS experience could be better with Ethernet. Provider has shitty system of cable-not-working-by-plugging, you need to create VPN connection (L2TP\IPSec with certificate) with login password authentication.
Ethernet is recognized (no internet status, but PC sees the cable), but when I try to start VPN It doesn't work. It worked on another laptop, I connected earlier so I am sure there are no mistakes on my side, I rechecked the settings and compared side by side;
Connecting to . It fails with a message "The L2TP connection attempt failed because the security layer encountered a processing error during initial negotiations with the remote computer" in red letters;
If I try to cancel it the whole settings tab freezes and closes after some time (or I close it manually) and then reopen again connection has status "connecting" but I can actually press on disconnect button and return to square1;
Windows 11, last updates. Laptop is Asus G16 Strix, tried both with ethernet directly and to USB via LAN-USB connector, same results.
I tried some basic advices, resets, adding suggested lines in register:

REG ADD HKLM\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Services\PolicyAgent /v AssumeUDPEncapsulationContextOnSendRule /t REG_DWORD /d 0x2 /f REG ADD HKLM\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Services\RasMan\Parameters /v ProhibitIpSec /t REG_DWORD /d 0x0 /f 

Also tried to uninstall miniports in Device manager;
No luck so far. Wanna try my luck again tomorrow.
3 questions:

1. How can I fix this L2TP problem ?
   
2. Can VPN which is set like this cause problems in connection? Because on previous laptop I tested I had slightly more loss on cable than on Wi-Fi in CS2 (yet the game felt a bit better)
   
3. Router has WAN slot where Ethernet goes and 4 LAN. If I will get a cable and connect laptop with router using rj45-rj45 cable, would it be the same as direct Ethernet? Would it maybe be more optimized since I didn't have problems with router so far?
   

I've lived in Chicago my whole life. Quite frankly, the unconditional love and defense of Justin Fields has been one of the most puzzling things I've ever seen in this city.
Through their first three seasons, Mitchell Trubisky outperformed Fields in nearly ever passing category. Fields put up very good rushing numbers, but fumbled the ball 38 times in 40 games. That's horrible. Despite starting six more games than Zach Wilson throughout his career, Zach Wilson (13-21 record) has more wins than Fields (11-29) does. The Bears played .500 football in four games with an undrafted rookie behind center last year, and yet, I can't remember a Bears QB that's had more excuses made for him. Trubisky was booed in his first return to Soldier Field, and I would be STUNNED if Fields receives the same treatment.
I guess we can quibble about his untapped potential and physical gifts and whether or not the Bears messed him up or the fact that he just isn't very good - no team wanted to trade more than a 6th round pick for him, no team wanted to make him their starter and the Steelers have been very clear that he will enter camp as Russell Wilson's backup, oh and, he might be their kick returner this season - all day. But what really gets me confused is the unquestioned narrative that Justin Fields is an incredible person. Are we really sure about this? Not to say that he is a bad person, but how did he become Sister Jean? How is it that Justin Fields can do no wrong?
Tyler Dunne's recent story dove deep into the history of the quarterback position for the Bears and dove deep into Fields' time in Chicago. He talked to several former teammates of Fields' who did not think Fields was a great teammate or leader:
"One source plugged into the Bears locker room says the widely held narrative that Fields was a strong leader is inflated, citing the quarterback as “a surface level dude” who didn’t develop authentic relationships with teammates. He called reports that teammates love Fields “bulls—,” adding that the quarterback carried himself with an undeserved aura and lacks emotional intelligence for someone who’s been a quarterback so long.
Another source said Fields lacked a “presence” in the building."
In that same story, Dunne reported on a toxic quarterback room in Fields' rookie season with Nick Foles and Andy Dalton, a room that one source called "f***ing toxic as hell."
"There were several arguments amongst the QBs," Dunne wrote. "Once, per one source, Foles was trying to teach something to Fields in the QB room and—upon turning toward the rookie—Foles realized Fields wasn't even paying attention. His head was down. At that point, Foles was done trying to play mentor. The two could not stand each other.
It got bad enough, a source told Dunne, that the trio ultimately "never were together. It was always Andy and Nick walking side by side and Justin always 15 yards behind them."
This was confirmed by Josh Lucas on the Bears Banter podcast earlier this year, when he called Justin "abrasive" when Dalton and Foles were on the roster.
“Justin wasn’t great his rookie year, we thought having two vets with him would really help him with Andy and Nick and that was not cohesive at all,” Lucas explained.
“The part I kind of liked about it was that Justin knew he was the best and should be out there,” he continued. “But the part you don’t like about it is that there’s a teachable moment in every point of practice. There’s teachable moments in the building during the day, how you carry yourself as a quarterback. There’s teachable moments at press conferences. There’s teachable moments every snap on Sunday. When you’ve got two guys that have won as much as Nick and seen as much as Andy, and you don’t take that information in, because you’re a little standoffish and a little abrasive, you’re wasting that opportunity.”
A few months back, Fields unfollowed the Bears' IG account from his own account and his dog's account. The action correlates with the timeline in which the Bears front office made its decision to draft a QB. It's very likely that the Bears had let Fields know that he would probably be moved soon, and that is why Fields unfollowed the team. When asked about it by the St. Brown Bros, he gave a lame excuse:
“Man, bro, I’m glad we’re talking about it,” Fields told The 33rd Team Podcast on Wednesday. “Because people … why do people take social media so serious? Like I still mess with the Bears, this and that, I’m just trying to take a little break. I unfollowed the Bears and the NFL. I’m just not trying to have football on my timeline.
“I know y’all mess with a girl … EQ, especially you. Just because you don’t follow the girl on IG don’t mean you not messing with her,” Fields said."
Didn't anybody else find this comment about how he treats women at least a little bit scummy? "Just because you don't follow the girl on IG don't mean you not messing with her." My sister loved Fields until she heard him say this.
There was also the time that Justin Fields threw his coaching staff under the bus last season.
And the time that he declared that he was one of the five best running quarterbacks in the history of the National Football League.
But all you hear is about how he's the most humble, incredible person to ever don a Bears jersey.
I also don't know how he didn't catch any heat for saying that he'd take LeBron over Michael Jordan. You cannot be the Chicago Bears QB and say that! Read the room and understand the city!
Did he ever give off the vibe that he really LOVED Chicago and the fans?
Am I saying Justin Fields is a bad guy? Not at all. The fact of the matter is, I feel like I still don't know that much about him, because he didn't really talk that much or show much personality. By that token, I don't understand how most of the fanbase seems to have arrived at the conclusion that he's this outstanding human being, leader, super humble guy, and that all of his failures rest on the Bears doing him dirty. And that he can do no wrong. Furthermore, why did Trubisky get booed in his first return to Soldier Field, and why does it feel like Fields will get a standing ovation?
I honestly haven't seen or heard anybody else say anything like this, so I'm curious if there are any folks that agree with me. Expecting this post to get downvoted into an oblivion.

I bought a fishing rod from an infomercial when I was a teenager. It sounded like a great rod and reel until I got it in the mail. It was cheap, bent, and a waste of my hard-earned money. Sadly, meme stocks are popular again, and I’m afraid they will take a lot of hard-earned money down the drain with them.
The 2021 meme-stock darlings GameStop and AMC theaters are at it again, and I’m afraid it will end just as badly. GameStop soared on Monday, May 13^th, to finish up 74% for the day, and its cohort, AMC, ended the day up 78% after a social media post by an account named “Roaring Kitty” posted a cartoon picture Sunday night, which was viewed over 26 million times.
GameStop's main product is physical video games, and AMC is a movie theater company that was hammered in the pandemic and hasn’t yet recovered. The problem with these two companies is they are the modern version of the buggy whip after cars were invented. The two young adults in my family, the prime customers for both companies, buy games online and rarely go to movies because they can stream them at home.
Stock analysts rarely cover these stocks because they are such non-players. Yet, GameStop and AMC stocks are on another run. Let me make this clear: They aren’t on a run because of any earnings report or merger announcement but because of a picture on social media. Many speculative investors interpreted that picture to mean that something was about to happen.
How big was the frenzy? On Monday and Tuesday, the New York Stock Exchange had to halt trading on the two stocks a combined 38 times. These halts kick in automatically when a stock starts moving extremely fast. For example, GameStop shares were halted on Monday whenever their price went up or down more than 5% in a five-minute window. It’s hard to imagine a company's value going up or down 5% in five minutes. The problem is that the stock price can sometimes outpace the company's actual value, which sets some investors up to lose a lot of money quickly.
Some stocks are speculative, which means they are extremely risky. The problem comes when investors who rarely invest start jumping into a stock, not knowing it is speculative. Generally, people invest in profitable companies. In this case, GameStop isn’t killing it as a business. Its last financial report shows it has gone in the hole each month after paying its bills and is in deep debt. Its next earnings report is on June 5^th, but I doubt it’s doing much better.
In 2021, GameStop was trading at $20 and shot up to $483 in the middle of a trading day, only to fall to $40 a few days later. Many bought on the way up and sold at a huge loss after it crashed because the company's profitability didn’t justify such a high stock price.
Money is hard to come by. In my life, I have dug ditches, hauled hay, built fences, and even cleaned hotel rooms in Branson as a teenager. Making money is hard work, and money is valuable. I highly recommend you stay within your normal risk tolerance.
If I remember correctly, that fishing rod broke the first time I used it. My dad tried to warn me that it was junk, but I wouldn’t listen. I learned my lesson through a telescopic fishing rod that quality matters. Quality matters even more with investments.
Have a blessed week!
www.FerventWM.com
Securities and advisory services offered through LPL Financial, a registered investment advisor, Member FINRA/SIPC. Opinions voiced above are for general information only & not intended as specific advice or recommendations for any person. All performance cited is historical & is no guarantee of future results. All indices are unmanaged and may not be invested directly. The economic forecast outlined in this material may not develop as predicted & there can be no guarantee that strategies promoted will be successful.
Fervent Wealth Management is a financial management and services entity in Springfield, Missouri.

Hi!
I really don’t know where to start with this one. It’s definitely going to be a long post as I don’t want to miss on any potentially crucial detail, hence apologies for posting something this long.
Here’s my best attempt at summarizing what happened without losing on any detail (feel free to ask for clarification if anything isn’t clear):

• I bought a proxmark3 rdv4 as part of a kit which also comes with several of its accessories from an online website selling these kinds of things.
• When I received it, I noticed several smudges on the device itself and the cards that came with it where scratched up to severely, which immediately alarmed me but I really tried to brush it off to just being caused by the manufacturing process.
• Three days after first receiving it, it completely died on me during usage. And showed no signs of life whatsoever.
• Naturally contacted the online website’s support and explained the situation, and they responded asking me to try some troubleshooting steps to try to isolate the issue and potentially fix it remotely, all of which didn’t work.
• Hence they offered to look into it themselves by having me send it back to them.
• However, I insisted on returning the full kit back for a full refund as it is no longer fit for purpose due to both being defective and the fact that I wouldn’t trust a replacement either to not fail the same way now that I experienced this. And since this was 3 days since receiving it, and even 4 days since placing the purchase, it was well within the 14 days period the Consumer Rights Act 2015 allows for. Hence I asked them to just return the full kit for a full refund instead.
• Yet they (or shoud I say he as it turns out this “company” is actually just one person) refused and said since I now opened it I am no longer eligible for a refund and kept insisting that sending it back for repaireplacement was my only option. (Which is nonsense as how was I supposed to even know it was defective if I didn’t open it!!!). They even went as far as stating their ToS also states that defective items aren’t eligible for a refund even if they are within the 14 day period (which is also nonsense as even their own ToS states that you can return faulty items for a full refund within 14 days. And either way the Consumer Rights Act 2015 gives me this right regardless of what their ToS say).
• Then things started getting even more suspicious with this sellecompany. They started ignoring my emails stating my rights under the Consumer Rights Act 2015, and just resending the same email asking me if I accept to return it for a repair or replacement. Obviously I was not going to say yes as then they will use that against me and say I accepted to not get a refund but have it replaced instead.
• So having paid by PayPal, it seemed straightforward. Just open up a dispute, explain the situation clearly and upload evidence. Which is exactly what I did.
• Then through the PayPal disputes seller-buyer chat you get when first opening a dispute to try to sort things out together first, the seller again insisted on this whole ToS nonsense and then asked for the item back and provided a returns address but wouldn’t provide a returns label unless I accepted not to get a refund (again, not going to say yes to that). So what I did was instead return it under my own dime through Royal Mail Special Guarantee so there’s clear evidence. And uploaded the tracking details to the dispute.
• Item gets delivered with proof of delivery and a signature and everything (because I thankfully decided to send it special guarantee), yet the seller kept asking for it back and not acknowledging that it’s already been delivered. (Even more suspicious!).
• And when I clearly stated even the tracking showing proof of delivery and everything, suddenly the story changed and the seller now has it back… and then things got even more interesting.
• The seller went above and beyond straight up making false statements claiming I damaged and modified the item (which I didn’t do). And the funny thing is, not only is what he was saying contradicting with the manufacturer’s own instructions, but his false allegations even contradict themselves! For example, he said the device outer cover is sealed and that I broke the seal and forced the cover open against the manufacturer’s usage instructions. Yet then claimed the tool which is INCLUDED in the box by the manufacturer specifically to open the casing showed signs of usage. Anyone with a brain without even knowing a thing about the device would instantly realize: Why would the manufacturer seal a device and not condone opening it yet include a tool specifically to do exactly that? And to add to that, the reason why you would open the outer casing is to access a SIM slot under there, which you then plug an also INCLUDED SIM-SAM adapter to that slot to use it… hence again, why would the manufacturer include an adapter in the box which can’t even be used without opening the plastic cover. And mind you all of these are part of the main device box, these aren’t the additional accessories that also came with the kit. Hence none of these could have possibly been aftermarket things not recommended by the manufacturer. See how even someone who doesn’t know anything about the device can instantly tell how these allegations conflict with each other? And to add to that, the seller also claimed that I admitted that I flashed aftermarket software to the device and that the device failed immediately after, and pointed towards one of my emails who he previously claimed he never received (again! Super obvious lie!). Yet that wasn’t what I even said, I said that I updated it to the latest version exactly as the manufacturer getting started docs instruct you to, and it was working fine (hence the failure did not occur after the update!) and the failure only happened 3 days later while I was just reading one of the included NFC cards (yes, one of the ones scratched). Hence again, more clear lies.
• So at that point I clearly explained exactly how his lies conflict each other and conflict with the manufacturer instructions and supplied proof as well with manufacturer documentation and the full terminal log showing all of the things I did and commands I ran with the device, and escalated the claim for PayPal to review.
• PayPal despite saying they will provide a verdict in 5 days, took weeks and them suddenly asked me to provide a police report. Yet when contacting the local police they said they don’t deal with these kind of things (which I expected), so now I am being asked for something that the police don’t even provide. Gave the PayPal customer service a call and explained that… and they rudely just kept repeating that I have to provide that or else my case will be closed in the seller’s favor.
• After looking around I found the action fraud website so reported the incident there and thankfully the report letter you get after submitting mentions it being a police service, hence that would definitely work. So I went ahead and supplied that to the dispute and again it said they will provide a verdict within 5 days. This time they took even longer than last time and after keeping me on my toes for possibly a month+ they just simply rejected the claim saying I modified/damaged the item effectively blindly siding with the seller despite the clear lies and despite the clear explanation and evidence I supplied showing that.
• So I appealed the decision and this time re-wrote the full explanation and evidence in case it wasn’t clear the first time and emphasized everything and made sure it was super clear with numbered bullet points and everything. Yet again they took their time and kept me waiting for weeks, eventually rejecting the appeal too for the same reason. (Clearly they couldn’t be bothered to even read a work I said nor even use any brain cells to see how obvious the lies are from the seller).
• Once your appeal gets rejected then there’s no way to re-open the dispute anymore nor create a new one. So rang the PayPal support again and explained the situation and after the agent looked at the dispute even he agreed that the sellers lies were as clear as day and that my explanation and evidence further proves that, and was confused as to why it got rejected. So he said he will escalate to their head office and I should receive a response in 3 working days. And I immediately asked him: They rejected it twice already and blindly sided with the seller, wouldn’t they just do the same? And he assured me that the head office is a different team from the team that handled the dispute.
• Over 2 weeks later… and I still haven’t heard back from anyone. So I gave them another ring. This time the agent that I got straight up started blaming me for “modifying” the item and saying the same nonsense and after straight up going over how all of them are lies (the same way I went over that twice already in my dispute and appeal, but this time I could actually say it verbally in real time to him as it was a phone call), he kept coming up with random nonsense excuses like saying PayPal disputes don’t handle defective items (which is nonsense) and then also went on saying that since the failure occurred 3 days after and not immediately it’s also not covered (again, nonsense), so I reminded him of my rights under the Consumer Rights Act 2015 and he went on saying but that’s not what they PayPal ToS says, and I also reminded him of the signs of usage I also clearly mentioned in the dispute and appeal hence even the item wasn’t as described as it was advertised as new (which in itself entitles me to a full refund even if the device hadn’t failed) and I straight up told him PayPal operates in the UK and all UK laws apply to them and they can’t legally deny my rights regardless of what their ToS says (and by the way, nowhere in the ToS either was it saying anything this guy was claiming). So regardless of what I kept saying he just kept coming up with excuses and nonsense so I knew that phone call was going nowhere. He even went as far as saying that I should resolve this with the seller directly (AS IF I HAVENT BEEN TRYING TO DO THAT FROM THE BEGINNING TO NO AVAIL WHICH IS WHY I HAD TO FILE A DISPUTE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!).
• At that point I had reached a dead end as the seller wasn’t cooperating, PayPal was blindly siding with him regardless of what I did, and to top this off and I couldn’t even file a dispute with my bank as I had used my card from my home country, and apparently when I spoke to them they said they don’t even file disputes unless the item simply hasn’t arrived (which in itself is just stupid on top of all of the stupidity I have faced so far).
• So now I was out £509.99 for the kit, plus the £7.65 I paid out of pocket for postage to return it (which honestly I could have written off if I would have at least gotten the money for the kit refunded), and now I don’t even have the device nor the whole kit as that’s been returned to the seller. So I am out both the money and the kit. And the seller gets to keep the whole kit and probably scam someone else with it as well, plus gets to keep the money.
• So I now filed a case with the financial ombudsman as it been wayyyyyyyyyyyy over 8 weeks and PayPal still hasn’t resolved this nor even wants to (thankfully didn’t need a final response letter due to how long it’s taken otherwise that in itself would have been a nightmare to try to get from PayPal judging by my experience with them so far). But I am honestly not hopeful at all as I have never my life ever won an ombudsman case, as they always blindly side with the company (yes, the same way PayPal blindly sided with the seller), hence no wonder companies confidently refer you to them because they know you probably won’t win.

Hence all of that being said, what are my options now? I am guessing probably small claims court, but if I lose that too then I will also be out the fees for that on top of the already massive losses. Plus I am an international student hence won’t be in the UK over the summer and my schedule during the academic year might not give me time to attend the hearing. Plus I can’t speak legalese and I am generally terrible at communicating on the spot due to my ADHD, hence that also won’t be in my favor. And I can’t afford to have someone represent me either.
I am really sorry if I am sounding super negative, I just really don’t know how to handle this, especially considering how much money I lost now which in itself has been a nightmare.
Any advice would greatly be appreciated whether here or through DMs (my DMs are open if you don’t feel comfortable sharing advice here).
Thanks!

Hey all,
If we need to punt this to homelab, or HomeNetworking - that is fine, but I think* it is applicable because some SOHOs will be using similar equipment to me and in researching this information, I wasn't able to figure out the configuration for my exact situation, a lot of this was trial and error, merging a lot of YouTube together.
So I have a pretty standard configuration (I feel like), DHCP v4 address, and request a /56 from my ISP (Spectrum, North Carolina).
Here is the configuration for my WAN interface:

fw # get system interface physical wan1 == [onboard] ==[wan1] mode: dhcp ip: xx.xx.xx.181 255.255.224.0 ipv6: xx:xx:xx:xx:xx:13ce:c80:5ad9/128 status: up speed: 1000Mbps (Duplex: full) FEC: none FEC_cap: none fw # ## Configuration fw # show system interface config system interface edit "wan1" set vdom "root" set mode dhcp set allowaccess ping set type physical set alias "Spectrum" set lldp-reception enable set lldp-transmission disable set monitor-bandwidth enable set role wan set snmp-index 1 config ipv6 set ip6-mode dhcp set ip6-allowaccess ping set dhcp6-prefix-delegation enable config dhcp6-iapd-list edit 5 set prefix-hint ::/56 set prefix-hint-plt 0 set prefix-hint-vlt 0 next end end set dns-server-override disable next 

Nothing terribly interesting there, getting a /128 from my upstream provider, and a v4 address within a /19 - sweet. No CGNAT. I request a /56 via a IAPD 5 prefix hint (ID = 5).
At work, we have a client wishing to deploy a v6 only network, pretty scary, I've only done BGP unnumbered, and considering that IPv6 knowledge, well.... So - I decided to throw it on my homelab, what's the worst that could happen.
Here is my WiFi subnet -- because who doesn't want to break their partners internet in the middle of a workday... hah. Anywho.

edit "internal5" set vdom "root" set ip 192.168.95.1 255.255.255.0 set allowaccess ping set type physical set alias "WiFi" set device-identification enable set lldp-reception enable set lldp-transmission enable set role lan set snmp-index 8 config ipv6 set ip6-address xx:xx:xx:cb06::/64 set ip6-allowaccess ping set ip6-send-adv enable config ip6-prefix-list edit xx:xx:xx:cb06::/64 set rdnss 2606:4700:4700::1001 set dnssl "home.mydomain.tld" next end end next 

Nothing crazy here, just intending on using SLAAC with Cloudflare (for now) as the DNS provider. I don't have a v6 DNS server deployed yet, moreso just working through some quirks I've noticed thus far and gaining overall familiarity. Not using DHCPv6 Server, as I didn't want to over-complicate things yet. While I would love to deploy the DHCPv6 server so I could stop assigning ::1, ::2, etc to my VMs that I want to transition to v6 and set AAAA DNS records, not in the cards for the homelab in the meantime. Internal DDNS (or whatever v6's equivalent's is) - will happen "soon".
So in hosts that are v4 and v6 enabled, this configuration works great. I can browse the web just fine, I can go to all of the major IPv6 tests and score close to perfect (enabling ICMP in firewall rules to my endpoints, just gives me some anxiety). The problem becomes then when I disable v4. I don't intend on running a native v6 network yet, but that time will come when most of us will be either using none of, or so little of v4 where it becomes a non-importnat focus in our day to days. I wanted to see what that looked like, so I disabled it on my workstation (Mac Mini running Mac OS v13.3.1 -- probably out of date but it's ~fine).
With that in mind, lets verify my routing table, and do some simple MTRs to verify I didn't break anything prior to disabling IPv4.

Mac-mini ~ % Mac-mini ~ % ping6 2606:4700:4700::1001 PING6(56=40+8+8 bytes) xx:xx:xx:cb06:15f3:f870:2674:1a74 2606:4700:4700::1001 16 bytes from 2606:4700:4700::1001, icmp_seq=0 hlim=55 time=26.306 ms ^C --- 2606:4700:4700::1001 ping6 statistics --- 1 packets transmitted, 1 packets received, 0.0% packet loss round-trip min/avg/max/std-dev = 26.306/26.306/26.306/0.000 ms Mac-mini ~ % Mac-mini ~ % ifconfig (filtered a bunch of noise, docker networks and such, etc) en1: flags=8863 mtu 1500 options=400 ether a4:83:e7:17:86:84 inet 192.168.95.11 netmask 0xffffff00 broadcast 192.168.95.255 inet6 fe80::44b:5ae1:60b0:ed7d%en1 prefixlen 64 secured scopeid 0x7 inet6 xx:xx:xx:cb06:103f:7bd8:9d7f:ea7a prefixlen 64 autoconf secured inet6 xx:xx:xx:cb06:15f3:f870:2674:1a74 prefixlen 64 autoconf temporary nd6 options=201 media: autoselect status: active (filtered a bunch of noise, docker networks and such, etc) Mac-mini ~ % netstat -nr Routing tables Internet: Destination Gateway Flags Netif Expire default 192.168.95.1 UGScg en1 127 127.0.0.1 UCS lo0 127.0.0.1 127.0.0.1 UH lo0 169.254 link#7 UCS en1 ! 192.168.95 link#7 UCS en1 ! 192.168.95.1/32 link#7 UCS en1 ! 192.168.95.1 4:d5:90:54:96:7b UHLWIir en1 1182 192.168.95.10 bc:d7:d4:5d:74:76 UHLWIi en1 1158 192.168.95.11/32 link#7 UCS en1 ! 192.168.95.13 fc:67:1f:51:39:a8 UHLWI en1 102 192.168.95.14 48:22:54:38:e9:c4 UHLWI en1 1169 192.168.95.16 e0:98:6:b3:4d:2 UHLWI en1 1197 192.168.95.17 8c:49:62:e0:2a:91 UHLWIi en1 1157 192.168.95.21 84:d:8e:4a:98:25 UHLWI en1 91 192.168.95.22 84:f3:eb:2c:b0:f8 UHLWI en1 91 192.168.95.255 ff:ff:ff:ff:ff:ff UHLWbI en1 ! 224.0.0/4 link#7 UmCS en1 ! 224.0.0.251 1:0:5e:0:0:fb UHmLWI en1 239.255.255.250 1:0:5e:7f:ff:fa UHmLWI en1 255.255.255.255/32 link#7 UCS en1 ! Internet6: Destination Gateway Flags Netif Expire default fe80::6d5:90ff:fe54:967b%en1 UGcg en1 default fe80::%utun0 UGcIg utun0 default fe80::%utun1 UGcIg utun1 default fe80::%utun2 UGcIg utun2 ::1 ::1 UHL lo0 xx:xx:xx:cb06::/64 link#7 UC en1 xx:xx:xx:cb06:103f:7bd8:9d7f:ea7a a4:83:e7:17:86:84 UHL lo0 xx:xx:xx:cb06:15f3:f870:2674:1a74 a4:83:e7:17:86:84 UHL lo0 fe80::%lo0/64 fe80::1%lo0 UcI lo0 Mac-mini ~ % Mac-mini ~ % cat /etc/resolv.conf # # macOS Notice # # This file is not consulted for DNS hostname resolution, address # resolution, or the DNS query routing mechanism used by most # processes on this system. # # To view the DNS configuration used by this system, use: # scutil --dns # # SEE ALSO # dns-sd(1), scutil(8) # # This file is automatically generated. # search lab.mydomain.tld nameserver 192.168.88.4 nameserver 192.168.88.3 Mac-mini ~ % Mac-mini ~ % scutil --dns grep 'nameserver' nameserver[0] : 2606:4700:4700::1001 nameserver[1] : 1.1.1.1 nameserver[2] : 8.8.4.4 nameserver[3] : 192.168.88.3 nameserver[4] : 192.168.88.4 nameserver[0] : 2606:4700:4700::1001 nameserver[1] : 1.1.1.1 nameserver[2] : 8.8.4.4 nameserver[3] : 192.168.88.3 nameserver[4] : 192.168.88.4 Mac-mini ~ % 

This configuration works perfectly, am able to ping Cloudflare's v6 address, in addition, get the IP obtained through SLAAC via curl commands.

Mac-mini ~ % curl icanhazip.com xx.xx.xx.181 Mac-mini ~ % curl ipv6.icanhazip.com xx:xx:xx:cb06:15f3:f870:2674:1a74 Mac-mini ~ % 

After killing v4 -- some really (imo) interesting things occur.

Mac-mini ~ % scutil --dns grep 'nameserver' nameserver[0] : 2606:4700:4700::1001 Mac-mini ~ % Mac-mini ~ % netstat -nr Routing tables Internet: Destination Gateway Flags Netif Expire 127 127.0.0.1 UCS lo0 127.0.0.1 127.0.0.1 UH lo0 224.0.0 link#1 UmCS lo0 Internet6: Destination Gateway Flags Netif Expire default fe80::6d5:90ff:fe54:967b%en1 UGcIg en1 default fe80::%utun0 UGcIg utun0 default fe80::%utun1 UGcIg utun1 default fe80::%utun2 UGcIg utun2 ::1 ::1 UHL lo0 xx:xx:xx:cb06::/64 link#7 UC en1 xx:xx:xx:cb06:103f:7bd8:9d7f:ea7a a4:83:e7:17:86:84 UHL lo0 xx:xx:xx:cb06:15f3:f870:2674:1a74 a4:83:e7:17:86:84 UHL lo0 fe80::%lo0/64 fe80::1%lo0 UcI lo0 Mac-mini ~ % 

So my default route does not change, it is still the link local address of (I assume the VLAN / SVI gateway) -- but potentially the AP, but anyway, I digress.
DNS does exist in "v6 Only" mode -- pointing at CloudFlare.
Anyway. Let's go deeper.

Mac-mini ~ % ping6 fe80::6d5:90ff:fe54:967 ping6: UDP connect: No route to host Mac-mini ~ % 

Interesting, cannot ping the link-local address of the remote peer. Let's go further by pinging the WiFi SVI IP address and Cloudflare itself.

Mac-mini ~ % ping6 xx:xx:xx:cb06::1 PING6(56=40+8+8 bytes) xx:xx:xx:cb06:15f3:f870:2674:1a74 xx:xx:xx:cb06::1 ^C --- xx:xx:xx:cb06::1 ping6 statistics --- 5 packets transmitted, 0 packets received, 100.0% packet loss Mac-mini ~ % Mac-mini ~ % ping6 2606:4700:4700::1001 ping6: UDP connect: No route to host Mac-mini ~ % 

IPv6 ping is allowed by policy to this VLAN.
For science, lets just re-enable IPv4, so it pulls an IP in the 192.168.95.0/24 range.

Mac-mini ~ % ping6 2606:4700:4700::6400 PING6(56=40+8+8 bytes) xx:xx:xx:cb06:15f3:f870:2674:1a74 2606:4700:4700::6400 16 bytes from 2606:4700:4700::6400, icmp_seq=0 hlim=55 time=27.685 ms 16 bytes from 2606:4700:4700::6400, icmp_seq=1 hlim=55 time=24.180 ms ^C --- 2606:4700:4700::6400 ping6 statistics --- 2 packets transmitted, 2 packets received, 0.0% packet loss round-trip min/avg/max/std-dev = 24.180/25.932/27.685/1.753 ms Mac-mini ~ % 

I am a bit lost here, disabling v4, conceptually doesn't seem like it could create problems, but I imagine you folks have more experience than me. Let me know what you think.
Anyone using Spectrum with a Fortinet firewall, don't even bother with the GUI, model your config on what I have, and/or look at these two awesome resources: https://weberblog.net/basic-ipv6-configuration-on-a-fortigate-firewall/ and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eq_eUqPWJwI

From Boom To Bust: Cerence’s Declining Market Share And Financial Turmoil — Shall I hold or exit?

https://medium.com/@jasonlewis01981/from-boom-to-bust-cerence-looses-major-oems-5a9872e1b4f7
In the dynamic realm of finance, few narratives resonate as deeply as the journey of Cerence Inc. (CRNC). Once hailed as a burgeoning force in automotive software under past leadership, boasting a market capitalization exceeding $4 billion, CRNC has since nosedived to a fraction of its former value, hovering at less than $400 million. Shareholders find themselves grappling with significant losses amidst this staggering downturn.
I started investing in the company around Feb 2021, when stock was around $120 and since then the stock has come down to $9.60 range. This has made me do a deeper analysis on what went wrong here.
Amidst the wreckage, several conspicuous elements emerge: the CEO Stefan Ortmann’s hefty $14 million yearly compensation, misleading market share with one-time revenue accounting creating false sense of growth, high-profile executives departures — prompting serious inquiries regarding accountability and the erosion of value.
In 2019, Cerence CRNC was spun off from Nuance Communications to become an independent company, focusing on automotive voice assistant technology. Cerence’s product is speech recognition solutions for automotive OEMs. Automotive voice assistants offer a range of features designed to enhance the driving experience and improve safety. These include voice-activated navigation, real-time traffic updates, personalized recommendations, smart home integration, remote vehicle control (such as locking/unlocking doors or starting the engine), and proactive assistance (such as reminders for scheduled maintenance or refueling).
Competition
The top voice assistants with which Cerence Voice Assistant competes with include the top players like -

1. Amazon Alexa: Developed by Amazon, Alexa powers the Echo line of smart speakers and a wide range of third-party devices. It offers extensive skills and integrations with various smart home devices, services, and applications.
2. Google Assistant: Integrated into Google Home speakers, Android devices, Android Automotive and an array of third-party products, Google Assistant provides robust voice interaction, search capabilities, and smart home control and also is available through Android Auto in automotive.
3. Apple Siri: Siri is Apple’s voice assistant, available on iPhones, iPads, Macs, Apple Watch, HomePod, and AirPods. It is enabled in Automotive through Car Play and offers features like voice commands, reminders, and smart home control.
4. Apple Car Play & Android Auto — Freely available on all user iOS and Android phones and can be connected to car infotainment using Bluetooth.

Until 2020, Cerence products dominated the OEM market but have since ceded ground to free and alternative solutions. By the end of 2023, 98% of new cars supported either Apple CarPlay or Android Auto, indispensable features for nearly 80% of new car buyers. These smartphone integration platforms offer seamless connectivity, contrasting with Cerence’s in-car voice assistant, which lags in technology and performance. Comparatively, Apple CarPlay and Android Auto provide superior user experiences and seamless connectivity through Bluetooth. A simple test is to reflect on one’s usage and experience with the in-built car voice assistant versus home assistants like Google or Alexa, or Apple CarPlay and Android Auto.
Stock Performance
Cerence’s CRNC stock performance has been dismal in recent years, reflecting the company’s declining revenue and bookings, along with confusing metrics and contract consolidations. The stock has plummeted by 63.23% over the past year.
Stock Performance over 3 years
Here’s a snapshot of key points:
⦁ September 2019: Cerence’s earliest available price hovered around $10.57.
⦁ June 2020: The stock experienced a significant surge, reaching $40.09, peaking at $71.81 by November 2020.
⦁ January 2021: Cerence reached its pinnacle at $112.15, followed by a further climb to $120.32 in February 2021.
⦁ Mid-2021: Subsequently, there was a gradual decline, with the stock dropping to $88.31 by May 2021.
⦁ February 2022: Cerence’s stock sharply declined to $45.48.
⦁ June 2023: Despite intermittent recoveries, the stock briefly rose to $30.38 in June 2023.
⦁ January 2024: However, the price saw another downturn, hitting $19.67 in January 2024, and has since continued its descent, currently resting at $9.60.
Decline in Market Share
The decline from its peak could be attributed to Cerence CRNC losing its major market share to competitors and alternative free technology. A cursory examination of the top worldwide Automotive OEMs and their chosen Voice Assistant technology reveals that Cerence technology is no longer preferred by these OEMs.
Below is a table showcasing the top OEMs along with the Voice Assistant technology they currently utilize.
Voice Assistant Adoption by Top Global OEMs
Between late 2021 and early 2022, Burlington-based digital assistant software maker Cerence experienced a wave of high-profile executive departures. This exodus indicates a lack of confidence among management regarding the CEO’s direction & technology failures, as they chose not to align with the company’s vision. As CRNC shares trade well below their initial public offering price, investors have suffered losses. Meanwhile, Stefan Ortmanns, who has lead this Business Unit since Nuance Communications spinoff in 2021, was generously compensated by Cerence’s board. According to a public securities filing dated Jan. 5, he earned approximately $14.4 million in total compensation last year, a significant increase from his $5.3 million total pay in 2022. This discrepancy raises questions about the CRNC board’s approach to rewarding performance.
Cerence Financials
10 Q Financials
Upon closer examination of the chart above, it reveals that the company’s revenue for 2023 amounted to $294 million. However, for fiscal year 2024, CRNC provided guidance for full-year revenue in the range of $355–375 million, suggesting a growth rate of over 20–27%. Yet, this projection includes $77.7 million of deferred revenue accelerated due to an early termination agreement related to the Toyota “Legacy” contract, as well as $20 million from fixed contracts. Consequently, the expected revenue for CRNC in 2024 is effectively $257 million, indicating a decline of $37 million compared to 2023, representing a -13% decrease in revenue.
If you take into effect the above, the revenue table should look like this
Updated Revenue Based on Adjustments from 10Q
A quick look at CRNC KPI metrics disclosed by CEO & CFO shows how continently bookings number has been eliminated from the metrics. If you look in the past CRNC under previous CEO Sanjay Dhawan, reported a clear bookings number and outstanding backlog number.
Company Presentation — missing information
Valuation/Pricing
My target price for CRNC is determined by several assumptions for both bullish and bearish scenarios of the FY 2024 projection, extending into FY 2025. In the bear scenario (with an 80% probability), it is assumed that CRNC will achieve an actual revenue of $250 million for FY 2024 (not misled number of $355m), with a further reduction in forecasted revenue to $200 million -$220 million for FY 2025. Utilizing the latest data and the Causal Intelligence Model, which considers various economic indicators and their intricate interrelations, the forecast for Cerence Inc. stock over the next 12 months, beginning with the current stock price of $9.62, is as follows.
6 months stock analysis
The Bottom Line
In conclusion, I remain unconvinced about CRNC as a short-term or long-term potential investment.
Through my own journey, I’ve learned the importance of delving beyond surface presentations and digging into the underlying figures. Cerence’s recent announcement of their Large Language Model, a technology every OEM is pursuing either through partnership with Microsoft or by utilizing low-barrier tools like ChatGPT AI for assistant development, lacks a compelling narrative. The current leadership’s lack of experience in crafting winning propositions or securing new contracts has already diluted shareholder value and will continue to erode further, unless an activist steps in.
Moreover, the company’s challenges in monetizing its vision cast doubt on its capacity for sustainable growth and profitability. Consequently, I recommend investors approach this stock with caution and consider avoiding it altogether.From Boom To Bust: Cerence’s Declining Market Share And Financial Turmoil — Shall I hold or exit?

Over a year ago (Feb 2023), my laptop (HP Probook 440 G7, running Windows 10) died on me and wouldn't turn on or charge. I determined it was a motherboard issue, so I ordered a new one off of eBay, but then I let it and the laptop sit around for a while. I finally got around to installing the new motherboard a few months ago (Feb 2024), and while the laptop now powers on, my battery wouldn't charge. The battery indicator just said "x% available (plugged in)" (it's never said "charging" or "not charging"), and the battery percentage never rose, only decreased when I unplugged the charger. I ordered a replacement battery, but I got the same issue. I also determined my RTC battery needed replacing, but that didn't fix things either.
Here are other things I've tried:

• Updated the BIOS and all drivers
• Ran a ton of diagnostics (no matter what, the result of the battery test would always say "Charge State - Not Available")
• Looked at the report from the "powercfg /batteryreport" command (for each of the tables, all of the entries (aside from one that was recorded when I installed the new motherboard) are empty and just showing a "-")
• Uninstalled/disabled and reinstalled/re-enabled the battery driver (several times)
• Discharged the capacitors by holding the power button for 30 seconds to 1 minute (many times)
• Ordered yet another replacement battery (still not working)
• I even used a multimeter to check the power rail -- 19.3V are coming from the A/C adapter, and for the 8 battery pins, the first two show 11.83V going in (after replacing the battery the second time and having 88% charge available; the previous battery got down to 19% and the voltage was 11.03V), the next two show 3.27V, and the remaining four are at 0V.

The only thing I haven't done is calibrate each new battery, but since they don't charge, I haven't been able to do so. I don't think it could be the adapter, since all the diagnostic tests for that came back OK, the computer powers on just fine even if the battery is removed, and it seems the proper voltage is being supplied to the charging circuit. This all points to a problem with the charging circuit, but I wonder why there are still voltages going into the battery -- are they the incorrect voltages? If not, is this somehow still a problem with the drivers, even though I've updated/replaced them all? Is there something else on the motherboard that could be causing this? I'm at a loss as to what the problem could be.
Any help is greatly appreciated!

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED. There is some gore, nothing to descriptive, but if you have a weak stomach maybe pass on this one.
THE FINAL DRAF IS NOW AVAILABLE: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1m7gCg5XEeo5qTYelH2mrLN86QFCQCazjXx45bUewfEM/edit?usp=sharing
ALSO: This is a first draft, will post the revised one later.
Adonis came from a backwater mining world that had maintained much of its mining equipment and a base level of industry during the age of strife. Adonis lived a relatively uneventful life on this planet, being the only child to two parents who had gone missing when he was twelve, he would enter the mines earlier than most, but only slightly as although technically mining jobs could only be conducted by those older than eighteen, however through necessity children as young as thirteen would entire the mines to help sustain their families. These younger workers would be given relatively safer jobs compared to the older workers, monitoring equipment and other surface operations as examples. Even still this labor was backbreaking, and would more often than not result in the early demise of many inhabitants of this planet.
On his first day in the mines, Adonis would be paired with a girl who was fifteen years old, slightly taller than him, who stood at 4’11” at the time. She had short, light brown hair, and a thin but muscular build. They were trained on how to monitor the Auto-miner machine, and who to contact if anything went wrong. They were then given some time to get acquainted with one another before beginning their work. The girl introduced herself first.
“Hello, my name is Roleru, I look forward to working with you”, she responded with more enthusiasm than a young teen forced into the mines should.
“Adonis, and likewise”, He responded a bit hesitant. He was not looking to make friends. He barely wanted to be working, let alone in a mine, he would work there no longer than he had to, then he would find better work elsewhere. Adonis was still confused about where his parents had gone, and why they had left him behind
After this they were led down into the mines, making small talk on the rusty service elevator, and it turns out she was an only child as well. They shared a lot in common, her father had died in a mining accident, and her mother was unable to work due to worsening illness. She was working to support both her mother and herself, She seemed relatively upbeat despite a life of tragedy. Maybe he could learn from her, and piece back together his recently shattered life. In this rusted mine elevator a friendship was born, and many days they would start their days talking to each other on this elevator. Their main job was to monitor a large mining machine, and if anything goes wrong to immediately hit the emergency shutdown. This machine was larger than any Adonis had seen, towering over him and with many large grinding wheels to slowly break down rocks into progressively smaller chunks, until they are eventually spit out onto a long conveyor belt. An observation catwalk overlooked this series of crushers, with simple metal railings, and a solid metal floor to prevent any dropped materials from potentially damaging the equipment. They were shown to the cabin, where a vast array of displays and buttons could be found, and one large red button in a plastic case with the panel behind it painted a surprisingly vibrant yellow considering the dirty state of everything, and above it set on a background of hazard stripes the word “Emergency Shut-Down” could be seen in distinct red lettering. The operator that led them here initiated the machine to start up, and their work began in this cramped cabin where Roleru and Adonis would become practically siblings, with Roleru practically becoming Adonis’ older sister.
About 3 years of this work would go by in the blink of an eye, Adonis now fifteen is the same age as Roleru was when she started working in the mines. Now that Roleru could officially work in the mines, she would be given more training on how to actually operate the machine she had monitored for so long. Adonis was so proud of his big sister they celebrated that night, getting some slightly higher quality rations to have a feast that night. Any decent quality food was a real commodity on (insert planet name here).
However, the happy times wouldn’t last, as a couple of months later Roleru’s mother would die due to her illness. Although she would return to a happier mood after properly grieving, she never seemed quite the same to Adonis. They would continue to work in the mines together as they always had, now with no technician to accompany them to start the equipment. Together they would continue to grow closer, practically inseparable at this point, Roleru found a lot of comfort in Adonis’ presence which was sorely needed when she was grieving.
During this entire time Adonis would look for his parents in his free time, following any leads he could find. He would discover at the same time of Roleru’s mother’s passing that his parents had also passed in a mining accident, operating the same machine he and Roleru were working with. This fact would linger in the back of his mind at work from then on, disturbed by the potential lethality of the machine he interacted with daily.
Another 3 years would pass, Adonis and Roleru would continue to grow together. Moving in together, as any family should, and for financial reasons. Adonis, now 18, had recently finished his training on mining machine operation and maintenance. Roleru, now 21, had prepared the same high quality rations they had when she was promoted for that night's dinner. However, tragedy would strike during the workday, as Roleru would slip on the catwalk of the machine while it was in operation, and fall into the crushing gears. Adonis would immediately hit the emergency stop. As the loud machine whirred down, there was still energy in the gears, they would slow to a stop in the silence, but in the silence there was a sickening wet ripping sound, followed by a desperate pained scream. Adonis would quickly call for help before going down to help Roleru, however the sight he saw in the maw of this great devourer was horrifying. The entrails of his sister decorated the grinding gears like some sick and twisted form of party streamers, and the blood oh god the blood. Adonis could hear pained groans and he quickly scrambled to find the rest of Roleru. He would find her shortly after he began searching.
“No. no no no no. Stay with me! Help is on the way, you’ll be okay”, Adonis pleaded with Roleru.
“Sorry cough cough I guess I was too careless” Roleru responded, blood rolling out of her mouth. Internal bleeding, or is it external in this case? Ah semantics don’t matter, thought Adonis. The light was already fading from her eyes, unsurprising for the amount of blood loss, and the gore.
“NO! Don’t leave me, don’t leave like they did.” Adonis pleaded with a raspy voice through choked sobs, unsure of when he started crying. “Please stay with me, you promised you would.” He held her close, trying to comfort her in any way he could while desperately trying to stop the bleeding before the medical team arrived.
“I’m so sorry, I wish I could stay with you longer.”, Roleru said calmly, though the tears rolling down her face betrayed her true emotions. “I’ll always be with you in spirit.”
With that final statement she died in his arms, he would clutch the gorey remains of his sister, screaming and crying until the medical team arrived. They had to peel him off of her remains, essentially dragging him out of the mine for the day, on his walk back to their shared home, he would see a strange looking official giving a speech he only overheard part of it and he was only vaguely paying attention.
“From this day forward you will pay a tithe to the Imperium of man”, the official stated. A new ruler? Happens all the time, nothing to worry about Thought Adonis, little did he know this announcement would soon turn his already tumultuous life upside down.
He entered the hab building, and saw the two ration packets set out on the table, along with a small rectangular box. Adonis opened it, his hands still caked in Roleru’s blood. Inside was a simple silver locket, containing a photo of the two of them 3 years ago, celebrating Roleru’s promotion. Clutching the locket Adonis would fall to his knees and cry. An hour later Adonis would fall asleep, exhausted after showering. He would wake up the next morning, finding the two ration packets still uneaten on the counter.
After eating some breakfast and heading out for work, Adonis would notice something attached to the door of their hab unit.
It reads: Draft notice, You have been drafted to serve the Emperor of mankind. Report to the imperial guard training facility in 2 hours (live updated).

2 hours? Emperor of man, how conceited can one be? Oh well, it doesn't sound like I have a choice. Adonis would change his course, notifying his overseer at work before locating the Imperial guard training center. Little more than a temporary tent, it would appear there are other recruits here as well. A group of nine others were also waiting, clearly also drafted. After a bit of small talk with the other recruits, a man in olive green flak armor, a string of numbers on a plate attached on his left breast clearly some form of ID, wearing a helmet of the same color with a gold skull on the forehead. Walked out of the tent and immediately commanded the attention of all the recruits present. The man spoke in a gravelly voice, “I am Sargent Gordel, And I will make all of your lives hell over the next six weeks. You will have exactly one minute to make calls to get your affairs in order, after that you belong to the Imperial army." With that he turned and walked back into the tent, the recruits panicked at first, then followed him after a short while. That was 6 months ago, and as Adonis sat in some god forsaken trench during a particularly brutal compliance, he had wished for the thirtieth time that day that this was all some horrible nightmare. Alas it was not, he had been stationed on the frontlines, fighting against some technologically advanced humans that used bladed drones to devastating effect. Adonis was not particularly skilled at warfare, his aim was middling, his hand to hand skills less than perfect, and he had no mind for command. However, his previous work had him communicating a lot. This skill in both verbal communication, and communication equipment landed him a job as a vox-caster in his squad, lead by Sargent Gordel. Adonis disliked Gordel, a man of hubris and little talent in leadership. However, due to his role in communications Adonis had to be in close to proximity to the man during all waking hours. Ever since he had received the special vox-caster helmet he kept it on, only taking it off to eat. Adonis felt safe enclosed in his helmet, the constant line of communication meaning he could prepare for any future curveballs that might turn his life upside down, so that what happened after that horrible day will never happen again. Adonis would never be caught off guard again, or so he thought. As this compliance continued, Adonis was hearing fewer fellow vox-casters every day, until nobody responded on short-range communications one day. Alone, Adonis and his squad were all that was left in the trench line. As a forward position high casualties were to be expected, but they hadn’t been reinforced in weeks. Adonis had been given a faulty long-range vox, so he often had to make trips down the trench to the nearest squad to communicate with high command. During his last trip Adonis had heard that surrender of the planet was currently being negotiated, but in the meantime to keep fighting, that was days ago. During his trips down these lines he would often pass segments where the guardsmen had either been butchered by the drones, or fled the battlefield. He was envious of those who fled, but he would feel responsible for the deaths of his comrades if he left them to die. Today Adonis would try to retrieve a long-range vox to talk with high command. Shells were still falling on enemy positions, so they weren't abandoned. An assault on the trenches happened last night, it took 30 minutes of walking for Adonis to reach the next position, all he found there was a puddle of gore, and if he hadn’t known humans were here before, there was no way to identify what organism this pile of entrails used to be now. It sickened him, but he kept moving, not lingering on the thoughts of his past. It would take hours to find a usable long-range vox. It would take more hours to return, but in the meantime he used the vox to get updated on the situation. 

“This is vox-master Adonis in the first trench, position 38. Looks like my squad might be the last one left. High-command please respond.” Adonis hailed, hoping to hear back soon.
It would take 30 minutes for a response, but it came nonetheless. “We read you Adonis, this is High-command vox-master Gunther. How the hell are you guys still alive, the last report we got from the forward trench was 4 days ago. Anyways, peace has been reached and will go into effect tomorrow at dawn, until then keep fighting and we’ll come get you.” The man responded in a shocked voice.
“Copy command, I had to scavenge a long-range vox from a dead squad, mine has been faulty since we landed here. Thanks for the update, I will let the rest know when I get back.” Adonis replied, relieved that he would soon get to leave this hellscape. In the meantime he slowly made his way back to his position.
After hours of slowly progressing through the byzantine trench system, and hearing the wet squelch of viscera beneath his boots more often than not he finally made it back to his position. To his surprise everyone was still alive. After explaining what he heard over the vox to Gordel, Gordel called the other 9 people in the trench.
“Our vox-master has explained to me that we need to hold out until morning. Then this compliance will be over. Do you think you pansies are up to the task?”, Gordel asked, clearly just trying to raise morale.
“YES SIR!”, the squad responded loudly. Hope was something that had been in short supply in the trenches for weeks. To hear there was finally a light at the end of the tunnel made them all ecstatic. However the next 12 hours would be hell.
The first three were spent by the 11 people discussing what they would do on leave, then as the sun set, the next three hours were spent nervously watching the enemy trench. As midnight approached, metallic skittering could be heard across no man’s land. The drones were being used to secure one last victory by some egotistical commander on the other side, to break one full trench line before peace had officially started. At first it was a few, not even making it to the trench as the Guardsmen gunned them down with ease, but as 6 a.m. crept closer, the assault intensified.
Eventually these drones were leaping into the trenches, the 11 people gunned them down, but more took their place, eventually people were being butchered right in front of Adonis, reminding him of his friend's fate. Adonis was sickened by the site of it but swallowed back the bile that had risen in his throat, Gordel was the last to die, ripped apart limb from limb right before Adonis, he gunned the three drones down but by the time he had Gordel was dead, Adonis may not have liked him, but to die like that, Gordel had his sympathies. As Adonis fought on he wondered when the sun would rise, how much longer would he have to fight these horrid engines, designed to kill in the cruelest way imaginable. Adonis did his duty and reported each casualty as they happened over long-range vox. The fighting never seemed to end, he had to pick up his comrades weapons multiple times as he kept running out of ammo.
After what seemed like an eternity the hues of violet and indigo that signified the sun was soon to rise appeared in the sky, and after only 30 more minutes of desperately trying to hold on to his life the drones in the trench suddenly stopped, climbed out and marched back to the other trench line. After this Adonis reported to high-command.
“This is vox-master Adonis, the fighting is over. 10 casualties, I’m all that's left.” Adonis reported grimmly. Exhaustion evident in his voice.
“This is High-command Vox-master Gunther. We hadn’t heard from you in a couple of hours so we thought you were dead. Frankly, the fact that you’re alive is a miracle.” Gunther responded incredulously.
“Is that so?” Adonis responded without any emotion, too exhausted to care.
“Well problem is we canceled evacuations to that trench. I’ll go talk to someone higher up. In the meantime sit tight.” Gunther responded.
Adonis would trudge out of the trench. Seeing a hill, not crater pocked and covered in grass with a large, flat rock on top. Adonis would make his way over to this hill, and sit atop the rock, feet pressed together as he took his vox-caster helmet off. His face covered in sweat, he can see how utterly covered in the blood of his comrades he is. Sickened by this fact and given his reprieve, he ejects what little remains in his stomach. Tears stream down his face as he questions how much longer he’ll be in this army, how many others will he see turned to paste, and why he decided to fight instead of joining his Roleru in the afterlife.
His mental breakdown is set to the backdrop of a beautiful sunset, he has calmed down by the time a gleaming purple transport pulls up to the trench line. A tall woman in purple armor steps out, white hair flowing down her shoulders, with piercing purple eyes. She scans for something before setting eyes on Adonis.
She calls out to him, “Vox-master, your transport awaits.” Adonis walks to the transport, not bothering to go back to the trench. After the imposing, yet elegant woman climbs into the transport after him, the doors close and it speeds off.

Out of boredom, I pulled the data from my Plutus account and looked at how high the real profits through Plutus really are. In other words, I summarized all the transactions in an Excel spreadsheet and looked at what came out in the end and I thought I'd share my results with you. Since 30.10.2022 I have been actively using Plutus for almost all buyers. That's 564 days. In these 564 days, I have spent €64,340.31 via Plutus. As a result, I have generated 466.6853 PLU. Plus additional PLU Bonus of 16,83. in total i have generated 483,5153 PLU. If I convert the daily PLU value into rewards, i.e. on the days when my PLUs are credited, I have generated a cumulative value of €3002,46€ in PLUs. This also includes the perks and Bonus. Since 10.11.2023 I receive 4% cashback, before that 3%. If I now divide the cumulative profit (€3002,46€) by the total expenditure (€64340.31), I get a theoretical cashback of 4.67% - this includes the perks and bonus.
All these values only apply if you convert your rewards directly into real money.
Now I haven't sold any of my PLUs, but have staked them nicely - and the "real" daily value looks completely different.
If we assume the current value of a PLU (€3.95), my generated PLUs have an actual value of €1909.89.
There are also additional costs for the monthly subscription. In the amount of €299.81.
So a loss of €1392,38 compared to the cumulative value of €3002,46.
So a net profit of € 1610.08 in the meantime.
If I now compare my current Profit value of €1610,07 with my total spend of €64,340.31, my actual cashback is reduced to 2,50%. Bitter... This is of course due to the current value of a PLU. If the value of PLUs were to rise to over €6,20, I would be back to around +/- €0.
My decision to just stake and hope for a good moment has not yet been fulfilled after 564 days.
Edit: typo
Edit 2: Added costs of subscription and Bonus Plu
Comment: It is not my intention to speak ill of Plutus. To have a net profit of 1600€ after more than 560 days. That's a bonus of around €85 per month in my wallet. Even if the value varies greatly with the current price of a PLU, the concept behind Plutus is great. For me personally, the question is whether staking really pays off. However, this is complex, as I live in Germany and nobody really knows whether I will trigger a taxable event by selling the PLU immediately after release (normally crypto proceeds are tax-free here after a holding period of one year).

I think there’s something off about my campus
Hey everyone, I’m typing this on my phone so I apologize if there is weird formatting. Anyways, to get to the point, there’s something really off with some people on my campus. I have come seeking answers.I noticed it first walking home from my 7pm class last Wednesday.
To set the scene, most of the campus is tucked back into the woods a little, and my 7pm class is in the farthest building from the parking lot (further into the woods). I get out from that 7pm class around 9pm, so on cloudy nights like last Wednesday, the only lights on that long sidewalk are the lights radiating from the other buildings. Usually, there’s roughly 30 feet where it’s pitch black because the foliage is pretty dense. I usually walk back to my apartment with some classmates that live in the same complex as me, but I told them to go ahead of me while I finished the rest of the project.
After packing my laptop away, I started heading back home. It was roughly 9:30 at this point, and my brain was slowly shutting down preparing for the deep sleep that has yet to come.Walking down the sidewalk, I heard somebody not too far into the woods laughing like they’ve just heard the funniest joke ever. I immediately thought, “probably some Freshman walking the trails with their friends smoking weed”. Chuckling to myself, I put in my AirPods and picked a playlist for my journey back home.
When I looked up from my phone, there was the silhouette of somebody walking towards me. I have no idea how I missed them before, but honestly, it’s very possible they were just in a spot where the light wasn’t quite reaching them. A little unnerved, I shifted over to the left side of the sidewalk.
(Now I’m usually fine walking alone at night; I’m a 6’2 man who’s dabbled in the world of MMA. But something about this person gave me a primal feeling of unrest.)
When they shifted over to the left mirroring me, I felt my blood run cold. But alas, I had to keep walking because this was my only way back home. As I neared closer to the figure, I almost laughed at myself when I realized it was just some harmless girl walking towards the Murphy building. If anything, I’m the intimidating one to her.
This is where it really gets weird. She stopped as I was passing her and turned to me. Thinking she needed to ask me something, I took an AirPod out and asked “what’s up?”. After staring at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, she opened her mouth, and I kid you not, mimicked the laugh I heard moments before perfectly. Before I could chalk it up to it just being her in the trails earlier, I noticed something. Her mouth wasn’t moving at all. If I had left my AirPods in, it would just look like she was just opening her mouth and staring at me. She then shifted into a deep raspy laugh. She did all of this without moving her mouth at all; I couldn’t even see her throat moving as you would expect if someone was laughing. It was almost like she was some fucked up human-shaped gramophone. The feeling of absolute horror that came over me is something I’ve only experienced in my imagination. Before I could think to do anything next, My body began to run off some sort of primal instinct. With my legs burning, it took me about 10 minutes to get all the way back to my apartment and lock myself in relative safety.
I’m coming on here now to ask if anybody knows what I experienced? I have been hearing that same laughter outside my window every night since that night, I am too terrified to sleep well and have refused to go to any of my classes. Please I just want answers, I don’t want to keep living in fear.
Part 2:
Hey everyone, I’ve gotten some DMs telling me what it may be. I’ve heard everything from banshee to skinwalker. After further research I pray to god it was neither of them. I’m praying it was just some girl with a speaker playing some sort of cruel joke. I mean yes there are people who don’t like me on campus, I’ve made some enemies over the past 4 years. But, I just don’t understand what could’ve brought it to this point. I had to stop hiding in fear and go to my classes before my grades plummet, I’m almost done with my degree and only have a few more weeks. If I let some sort of stupid prank ruin my career, It would be everything I swore against to my parents.
A lot of you guys in the DMs were also asking what college I go to and what my name is. First I want to say sorry for not providing that information in the first post, I’m sure you can understand where my head was at typing that. So let me introduce myself, my name is Nick and In order to keep my privacy, I will only provide that I go to a midwest university.
I’m sure you may be wondering, “so did it just stop?”. I would love to say yes, but really things have just gotten weirder. Though, I am pleased to say that there is no longer laughing out my window every night.
Ever since that night, I’ve been noticing more things off with the people on campus. Now you may just think it’s paranoia, but just be patient and listen.
Yesterday, I decided to muster up all of my courage and go to class. Luckily my first class is at 10AM, when the sun is well in the sky, so walking across campus seemed much less threatening. When I sat down in my first class, I noticed something off with the girl that sits in front of me. Usually she’s chatty and excited to be in class, but today she just stared blankly ahead. I tried to say good morning and ask about her weekend, as we do every Monday, but she continued to have that blank stare. She did turn her head towards be, but her eyes read “lights on, but nobody is home”.
Thinking to myself, she may just be hungover, or going through the bout of college student depression. I decided to shrug it off and turn to the front of the class and get my notes ready. But the moment I turned around, I could feel it. Her eyes burrowing deep into the back of my head. When I flipped around to see if I was just being irrational, I quickly learned I wasn’t. Her eyes went from the blank glare, to the most enthusiastic face I’ve seen on her. It was horrible, it almost seemed like she was trying so hard to pretend she was thrilled to be in class and to speak to me. It was inhuman.
I’ve been on the internet long enough to catch on to the term “Uncanny valley”, and what I witnessed In my first hour gives me that same gut feeling I got when I saw that girl last Wednesday.
I was right to be uncomfortable though, I texted her after class to make sure she was doing alright. But her response only reignited the flames of deep fear burning in my soul.
I’ll copy and paste the messages here:
Me: Hey Is everything good? You seemed off in class today.
Steph SCI 101: Uh yeah, I’m fine. but I was not in class today, I’m severely hungover from Tanner’s party last night.
Me: Haha, good one.
Steph SCI 101: No I’m so Fr, are you okay?
Steph SCI 101: Are you trying to fuck with me or something?
Me: Nevermind, I’m sorry to bother you.
(End Of Texts)
Okay so I’m sure that this gives you all the same feeling of dread that it gave me but I’m sure scaled down a bit. This is where I have started to doubt that it’s a prank, because me and Stephanie are cool. There’s no level of hate for either of us, and even if it was some joke, we don’t know each other on that type of level.
Not only did this seem to happen in my first class, but in between classes while I was walking across campus as well. I walk past hundreds of faces in my many treks across campus, and I swear to you, at least 1/4th of the people I walked past had that same dead stare look. And the way they walked, god I hate even thinking of it. It was like they were an alien trying out their new body suits for the first time. The steps and the bends of their legs just seem so meticulous, dramaticized, and puppeteered.
I’m going to try to investigate further, because at this point my fear for my life is more of a reason to try and figure out what it is so I can try to stop it.
I’m no hero, and I’m sure as hell nothing special, but If I can know what to expect for another encounter, maybe I can avoid meeting the demise I have imagined.
Part 3

First off I would like to apologize for my 20-day hiatus. For those who were worried that curiosity killed the cat so to speak, I appreciate your concern. On top of my investigation, I have also had to go through finals and work for a boss who didn't believe in life outside of work. So let's start where we left off. I had a feeling that this task was left for me to solve. it may sound stupid, but let me explain why. That night, after my last post, I had a dream that further solidified my need to solve the mystery. I tried to write all that I remembered down the morning after so here is what I wrote. 

April 4th, 2024
I had a strange dream last night, stranger than usual at least. I awoke in the woods, laying face down in the grass with someone looming over me. I heard their footsteps flee rapidly before I flipped over. I found myself just off the trail where the “incident” happened, on the trail laid a girl, bloodied and motionless. When I got up to approach her, she was quickly dragged into the parallel section of the woods. Seeing this I turned and ran into the section of woods I was in. When my legs gave out I found myself near an old supply shed, worn and long abandoned. Searching for cover, I tried the door, which luckily gave after a quick pull. There I found a trapdoor which emanated a blue hue through the cracks. The only thought on my mind, survival brought me to throw it open and climb down. I clattered down the ladder and right before my feet touched the ground, I was pulled backwards by my shirt. That’s where I woke up.
I have always trusted my gut and having a dream that vivid gave me a sense of courage I did not previously have. I know where to start my search now. I have decided my best course of action will be to record my findings on a tape recorder app. After I finish each entry it will be uploaded to a cloud that will ensure if anything happens to me, the story will get out. I am packing my backpack now with a flashlight, glow sticks to mark my trail, and a machete I was gifted by a local in Mexico. All of my recordings will be uploaded below and auto posted after 10 days. Wish me luck everyone, I’m going to need it.
Entry 1: I have started at the only place that makes sense, the trail. It is currently 1:45 PM and I have plenty of sun left in the sky. I just needed to find exactly where to start my journey into the woods. Strangely it was very easy to find. I recall one of the trees having a funky twist near the middle of the trunk. Probably just some two lovebirds trying to carve their name into the tree and realizing there were softer trees to carve into. Anyways hiking further into the woods I believe I can see the shape of the shed through the branches. I wish you guys could see how dense these trees are so you can understand my struggle.
Entry 2: I made it to the shed, but unfortunately the floor in here is concrete. This really sucks for me because I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. It’s identical on the outside but I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m just delusional, which in that case what a waste of time and energy. I’m going to head back home and just start packing for summer. Maybe it’ll be best if I just forget about all of this and leave it behind me. I am graduating after all. Wait hold on what is this?? there’s a button behind one of these shelves. I am going to press it, but idk how it would work because this floor is seamless. I’m just going to leave this recording so if anything does happen I don’t have to worry about holding the phone the whole time. Holy shit, the entire floor is lowering. It’s a fucking elevator.
Entry 3: Okay so I’ve been going down this elevator for like 30 seconds, how far down am I going?.. Oh wait hold on, Im stopped… There’s a metal door with a padlock. Ig since I have the machete there’s only one thing to do, break it. Im going to use the blunt side so I don’t ruin this thing, I like it too much. the lock clatters to the ground after 3 solid hits. Well ig there’s only one way to go now, there’s no button to get back up so I pray there’s another way up. The metal door creaks loudly. Fuck I regret this, It’s dark and I can tell it’s a big area because it’s so echoey in here. I’m currently praising my past self for thinking about the flashlight and glow sticks. I need to find out what in the hell this place is and most importantly, if there’s a damn light switch.
Entry 4: God this place is terrifying I’ve been walking around the sterile white halls of this place for like 10 minutes and have found nothing, no doors, no light switch. I feel like a rat in a maze. Also scratch what I said about being glad I packed glow sticks, because my stupid ass only brought like 20 of these things and I’m already down to 5. Also I feel like I’m not alone, every now and then I’ll turn a corner and the glow from the previous glow stick quickly vanishes. I feel like it might just be because the darkness seems to envelop everything like a blanket. But I have that feeling that I’m being followed. You know the one, where you know somethings wrong you just can’t pin point what it is. Oh shit no way, there’s light, I think there’s a door or something up ahead.
Entry 5: Holy shit… It’s a lab, and worse, there’s people strapped too tables, completely naked and unconscious. I know they are alive because each of them are hooked up with a million different cords, and one of those are plugged into a heart monitor. This place is huge, there has to be at least 50 people on these tables.
“Hey you, you’re not supposed to be in here” yelled a man adorned in a lab coat.
“What are you doing to these kids you sick fucks.” I yelled back at the man across the lab.
In a haste the scientist rushes towards a red button, setting off a loud alarm, turning the lights to a flashing red. With no exit behind me, I could only do one thing... Rush towards him. My training kicked in as I launched into a flurry of calculated strikes. My first hit connected, a right overhand clean under his eye. The doctor stumbled back, but I didn't give him a chance to recover. I pressed the attack, keeping him off balance with a relentless barrage of punches and kicks. He fought back ferociously, but I was one step ahead, anticipating his moves and countering with swift, efficient strikes. We wrestled, the room around us becoming a blur of pain and adrenaline. I used the environment to my advantage, improvising weapons from the scattered medical equipment and turning the empty tables on my opponent. Pinning him to the ground, I laid down a harsh barrage of final blows. His face was a bloody pulp, unrecognizable. But I didn’t walk away unscathed, somewhere in the tussle, the scientist buried a scalpel deep into my stomach. With my adrenaline wearing off, the pain overtook me, sending me into darkness as I fainted from the blood loss and adrenaline dump. I awoke with my arms and legs strapped to the cold metal operating table. Before I could try to struggle, a face overtook my field of vision.
“Quite a fight you put up, you turned poor Dr.Samson into a soup” the looming face said with a chuckle. “You are the first person to put the pieces together and for that I am thoroughly impressed Mr. Hayes”
“Who are you?!” I said fighting at my binds. “Let me go!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that Mr.Hayes. You have seen far too much, and I definitely can’t have you running around telling the world what you saw here. Although nobody would believe you.” “And to answer your other question, I’m surprised you don’t recognize me… really take a moment and look at me” He said pulling down his face mask.
“Dr.Blackwood?” I said as I looked back on my freshman year biology class.
“Ding ding ding ding. We have a winner!” He said in a maniac joy.
“What are you going to do to me?” I asked.
“Well Mr.Hayes, first I’m going to sew you up from your little tussle you had with my late assistant and then I will put you under and cut into that skull of yours and take out a small piece of what we call in the science world your hippocampus. Then I will draw from that all of the necessary memories to create the perfect clone of you.” He responded.
“Why? Why would you need a clone of any of us. Why can’t you just clone someone willing to be apart of this?” I asked
“Because that’s no fun Mr.Hayes, the hunt excites me. Actually you’re lucky I didn’t get you the first night. Unfortunately my creation had a little bit of a malfunction and formed a wee bit of an attachment to you. I’m sure you remember the ruckus outside your window? Anyways I digress, I do this because everyone of you lowly students will go onto do mediocre jobs where you waste away at a desk. I must also add that with having a clone of you under my control, I can do anything and get away with clean hands. My plan with you originally was to have you go into the admissions office and steal every last cent all for me. On top of that I like the power, because one day I will have a clone of every student on this campus and eventually I will cause a revolt against our comedy of a government. Who will stop me, when I won’t even be on the front lines?” Dr.Blackwood explained.
“I will” I said freeing my last hand from the binds.
What he didn’t realize is that with all of this monologue and the questions I had been feeding him, I was slowly loosening my binds with each wiggle and movement in retaliation.
Lurching forward I grab onto his collar, pulling him into a vicious headbutt. The impact sent Dr. Blackwood reeling backward, his grip on consciousness loosening as he staggered. Seizing the moment, I lunged off the table, adrenaline coursing through my veins despite the searing pain in my abdomen. With a swift motion, I grabbed a nearby surgical instrument, holding it in a defensive stance as I faced my adversary. Dr. Blackwood, recovering from the blow, snarled with rage, his once calm demeanor now replaced by a feral intensity. The room seemed to shrink around us, the tension thickening with each passing second. This was my chance to stop Blackwood's twisted plans. As he lunged forward, I met his attack head-on, the clang of metal reverberating through the room. Blow after blow, we fought with an intensity born of desperation and determination. Despite my injuries, I refused to yield, driven by a fire burnt under me to protect myself and others from Blackwood's actions . In a final, swift move, I delivered a powerful front kick, sending Blackwood crashing to the ground. The room fell silent, the echoes of our struggle fading into the darkness. Coughing he sat in the corner laughing with blood spilling down his face. “You know that it’s too late to save any of these one lying on the tables. I would’ve released you, you know that right? I would’ve simply taken your memory from today out of your brain and leaving you in your bed to wake up thinking you had a fun night” he said with final resolve as he watched me grab the scalpel from the ground taking slow steps near him.
Looking down over him, It was my turn to laugh. Kneeling down to eye level with him I grabbed him by his hair and delivered a final message to him “Fuck you and your little science experiment” as I sliced deep into his throat watching the life fade from his eyes.
I eventually found an exit door, which lead me to a storm drain deep in the woods far from my campus. It took me 2 hours to limp my way onto a main road and flag down a passing car. Pulling over I was rushed to the hospital and later interrogated by some men in suits, my guess is CIA. Here I am now, writing my final entrance. I think I heard them say something about trying a new medical process on me to help me heal quicker

I think there’s something off about my campus
Hey everyone, I’m typing this on my phone so I apologize if there is weird formatting. Anyways, to get to the point, there’s something really off with some people on my campus. I have come seeking answers.I noticed it first walking home from my 7pm class last Wednesday.
To set the scene, most of the campus is tucked back into the woods a little, and my 7pm class is in the farthest building from the parking lot (further into the woods). I get out from that 7pm class around 9pm, so on cloudy nights like last Wednesday, the only lights on that long sidewalk are the lights radiating from the other buildings. Usually, there’s roughly 30 feet where it’s pitch black because the foliage is pretty dense. I usually walk back to my apartment with some classmates that live in the same complex as me, but I told them to go ahead of me while I finished the rest of the project.
After packing my laptop away, I started heading back home. It was roughly 9:30 at this point, and my brain was slowly shutting down preparing for the deep sleep that has yet to come.Walking down the sidewalk, I heard somebody not too far into the woods laughing like they’ve just heard the funniest joke ever. I immediately thought, “probably some Freshman walking the trails with their friends smoking weed”. Chuckling to myself, I put in my AirPods and picked a playlist for my journey back home.
When I looked up from my phone, there was the silhouette of somebody walking towards me. I have no idea how I missed them before, but honestly, it’s very possible they were just in a spot where the light wasn’t quite reaching them. A little unnerved, I shifted over to the left side of the sidewalk.
(Now I’m usually fine walking alone at night; I’m a 6’2 man who’s dabbled in the world of MMA. But something about this person gave me a primal feeling of unrest.)
When they shifted over to the left mirroring me, I felt my blood run cold. But alas, I had to keep walking because this was my only way back home. As I neared closer to the figure, I almost laughed at myself when I realized it was just some harmless girl walking towards the Murphy building. If anything, I’m the intimidating one to her.
This is where it really gets weird. She stopped as I was passing her and turned to me. Thinking she needed to ask me something, I took an AirPod out and asked “what’s up?”. After staring at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, she opened her mouth, and I kid you not, mimicked the laugh I heard moments before perfectly. Before I could chalk it up to it just being her in the trails earlier, I noticed something. Her mouth wasn’t moving at all. If I had left my AirPods in, it would just look like she was just opening her mouth and staring at me. She then shifted into a deep raspy laugh. She did all of this without moving her mouth at all; I couldn’t even see her throat moving as you would expect if someone was laughing. It was almost like she was some fucked up human-shaped gramophone. The feeling of absolute horror that came over me is something I’ve only experienced in my imagination. Before I could think to do anything next, My body began to run off some sort of primal instinct. With my legs burning, it took me about 10 minutes to get all the way back to my apartment and lock myself in relative safety.
I’m coming on here now to ask if anybody knows what I experienced? I have been hearing that same laughter outside my window every night since that night, I am too terrified to sleep well and have refused to go to any of my classes. Please I just want answers, I don’t want to keep living in fear.
Part 2:
Hey everyone, I’ve gotten some DMs telling me what it may be. I’ve heard everything from banshee to skinwalker. After further research I pray to god it was neither of them. I’m praying it was just some girl with a speaker playing some sort of cruel joke. I mean yes there are people who don’t like me on campus, I’ve made some enemies over the past 4 years. But, I just don’t understand what could’ve brought it to this point. I had to stop hiding in fear and go to my classes before my grades plummet, I’m almost done with my degree and only have a few more weeks. If I let some sort of stupid prank ruin my career, It would be everything I swore against to my parents.
A lot of you guys in the DMs were also asking what college I go to and what my name is. First I want to say sorry for not providing that information in the first post, I’m sure you can understand where my head was at typing that. So let me introduce myself, my name is Nick and In order to keep my privacy, I will only provide that I go to a midwest university.
I’m sure you may be wondering, “so did it just stop?”. I would love to say yes, but really things have just gotten weirder. Though, I am pleased to say that there is no longer laughing out my window every night.
Ever since that night, I’ve been noticing more things off with the people on campus. Now you may just think it’s paranoia, but just be patient and listen.
Yesterday, I decided to muster up all of my courage and go to class. Luckily my first class is at 10AM, when the sun is well in the sky, so walking across campus seemed much less threatening. When I sat down in my first class, I noticed something off with the girl that sits in front of me. Usually she’s chatty and excited to be in class, but today she just stared blankly ahead. I tried to say good morning and ask about her weekend, as we do every Monday, but she continued to have that blank stare. She did turn her head towards be, but her eyes read “lights on, but nobody is home”.
Thinking to myself, she may just be hungover, or going through the bout of college student depression. I decided to shrug it off and turn to the front of the class and get my notes ready. But the moment I turned around, I could feel it. Her eyes burrowing deep into the back of my head. When I flipped around to see if I was just being irrational, I quickly learned I wasn’t. Her eyes went from the blank glare, to the most enthusiastic face I’ve seen on her. It was horrible, it almost seemed like she was trying so hard to pretend she was thrilled to be in class and to speak to me. It was inhuman.
I’ve been on the internet long enough to catch on to the term “Uncanny valley”, and what I witnessed In my first hour gives me that same gut feeling I got when I saw that girl last Wednesday.
I was right to be uncomfortable though, I texted her after class to make sure she was doing alright. But her response only reignited the flames of deep fear burning in my soul.
I’ll copy and paste the messages here:
Me: Hey Is everything good? You seemed off in class today.
Steph SCI 101: Uh yeah, I’m fine. but I was not in class today, I’m severely hungover from Tanner’s party last night.
Me: Haha, good one.
Steph SCI 101: No I’m so Fr, are you okay?
Steph SCI 101: Are you trying to fuck with me or something?
Me: Nevermind, I’m sorry to bother you.
(End Of Texts)
Okay so I’m sure that this gives you all the same feeling of dread that it gave me but I’m sure scaled down a bit. This is where I have started to doubt that it’s a prank, because me and Stephanie are cool. There’s no level of hate for either of us, and even if it was some joke, we don’t know each other on that type of level.
Not only did this seem to happen in my first class, but in between classes while I was walking across campus as well. I walk past hundreds of faces in my many treks across campus, and I swear to you, at least 1/4th of the people I walked past had that same dead stare look. And the way they walked, god I hate even thinking of it. It was like they were an alien trying out their new body suits for the first time. The steps and the bends of their legs just seem so meticulous, dramaticized, and puppeteered.
I’m going to try to investigate further, because at this point my fear for my life is more of a reason to try and figure out what it is so I can try to stop it.
I’m no hero, and I’m sure as hell nothing special, but If I can know what to expect for another encounter, maybe I can avoid meeting the demise I have imagined.
Part 3

First off I would like to apologize for my 20-day hiatus. For those who were worried that curiosity killed the cat so to speak, I appreciate your concern. On top of my investigation, I have also had to go through finals and work for a boss who didn't believe in life outside of work. So let's start where we left off. I had a feeling that this task was left for me to solve. it may sound stupid, but let me explain why. That night, after my last post, I had a dream that further solidified my need to solve the mystery. I tried to write all that I remembered down the morning after so here is what I wrote. 

April 4th, 2024
I had a strange dream last night, stranger than usual at least. I awoke in the woods, laying face down in the grass with someone looming over me. I heard their footsteps flee rapidly before I flipped over. I found myself just off the trail where the “incident” happened, on the trail laid a girl, bloodied and motionless. When I got up to approach her, she was quickly dragged into the parallel section of the woods. Seeing this I turned and ran into the section of woods I was in. When my legs gave out I found myself near an old supply shed, worn and long abandoned. Searching for cover, I tried the door, which luckily gave after a quick pull. There I found a trapdoor which emanated a blue hue through the cracks. The only thought on my mind, survival brought me to throw it open and climb down. I clattered down the ladder and right before my feet touched the ground, I was pulled backwards by my shirt. That’s where I woke up.
I have always trusted my gut and having a dream that vivid gave me a sense of courage I did not previously have. I know where to start my search now. I have decided my best course of action will be to record my findings on a tape recorder app. After I finish each entry it will be uploaded to a cloud that will ensure if anything happens to me, the story will get out. I am packing my backpack now with a flashlight, glow sticks to mark my trail, and a machete I was gifted by a local in Mexico. All of my recordings will be uploaded below and auto posted after 10 days. Wish me luck everyone, I’m going to need it.
Entry 1: I have started at the only place that makes sense, the trail. It is currently 1:45 PM and I have plenty of sun left in the sky. I just needed to find exactly where to start my journey into the woods. Strangely it was very easy to find. I recall one of the trees having a funky twist near the middle of the trunk. Probably just some two lovebirds trying to carve their name into the tree and realizing there were softer trees to carve into. Anyways hiking further into the woods I believe I can see the shape of the shed through the branches. I wish you guys could see how dense these trees are so you can understand my struggle.
Entry 2: I made it to the shed, but unfortunately the floor in here is concrete. This really sucks for me because I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. It’s identical on the outside but I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m just delusional, which in that case what a waste of time and energy. I’m going to head back home and just start packing for summer. Maybe it’ll be best if I just forget about all of this and leave it behind me. I am graduating after all. Wait hold on what is this?? there’s a button behind one of these shelves. I am going to press it, but idk how it would work because this floor is seamless. I’m just going to leave this recording so if anything does happen I don’t have to worry about holding the phone the whole time. Holy shit, the entire floor is lowering. It’s a fucking elevator.
Entry 3: Okay so I’ve been going down this elevator for like 30 seconds, how far down am I going?.. Oh wait hold on, Im stopped… There’s a metal door with a padlock. Ig since I have the machete there’s only one thing to do, break it. Im going to use the blunt side so I don’t ruin this thing, I like it too much. the lock clatters to the ground after 3 solid hits. Well ig there’s only one way to go now, there’s no button to get back up so I pray there’s another way up. The metal door creaks loudly. Fuck I regret this, It’s dark and I can tell it’s a big area because it’s so echoey in here. I’m currently praising my past self for thinking about the flashlight and glow sticks. I need to find out what in the hell this place is and most importantly, if there’s a damn light switch.
Entry 4: God this place is terrifying I’ve been walking around the sterile white halls of this place for like 10 minutes and have found nothing, no doors, no light switch. I feel like a rat in a maze. Also scratch what I said about being glad I packed glow sticks, because my stupid ass only brought like 20 of these things and I’m already down to 5. Also I feel like I’m not alone, every now and then I’ll turn a corner and the glow from the previous glow stick quickly vanishes. I feel like it might just be because the darkness seems to envelop everything like a blanket. But I have that feeling that I’m being followed. You know the one, where you know somethings wrong you just can’t pin point what it is. Oh shit no way, there’s light, I think there’s a door or something up ahead.
Entry 5: Holy shit… It’s a lab, and worse, there’s people strapped too tables, completely naked and unconscious. I know they are alive because each of them are hooked up with a million different cords, and one of those are plugged into a heart monitor. This place is huge, there has to be at least 50 people on these tables.
“Hey you, you’re not supposed to be in here” yelled a man adorned in a lab coat.
“What are you doing to these kids you sick fucks.” I yelled back at the man across the lab.
In a haste the scientist rushes towards a red button, setting off a loud alarm, turning the lights to a flashing red. With no exit behind me, I could only do one thing... Rush towards him. My training kicked in as I launched into a flurry of calculated strikes. My first hit connected, a right overhand clean under his eye. The doctor stumbled back, but I didn't give him a chance to recover. I pressed the attack, keeping him off balance with a relentless barrage of punches and kicks. He fought back ferociously, but I was one step ahead, anticipating his moves and countering with swift, efficient strikes. We wrestled, the room around us becoming a blur of pain and adrenaline. I used the environment to my advantage, improvising weapons from the scattered medical equipment and turning the empty tables on my opponent. Pinning him to the ground, I laid down a harsh barrage of final blows. His face was a bloody pulp, unrecognizable. But I didn’t walk away unscathed, somewhere in the tussle, the scientist buried a scalpel deep into my stomach. With my adrenaline wearing off, the pain overtook me, sending me into darkness as I fainted from the blood loss and adrenaline dump. I awoke with my arms and legs strapped to the cold metal operating table. Before I could try to struggle, a face overtook my field of vision.
“Quite a fight you put up, you turned poor Dr.Samson into a soup” the looming face said with a chuckle. “You are the first person to put the pieces together and for that I am thoroughly impressed Mr. Hayes”
“Who are you?!” I said fighting at my binds. “Let me go!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that Mr.Hayes. You have seen far too much, and I definitely can’t have you running around telling the world what you saw here. Although nobody would believe you.” “And to answer your other question, I’m surprised you don’t recognize me… really take a moment and look at me” He said pulling down his face mask.
“Dr.Blackwood?” I said as I looked back on my freshman year biology class.
“Ding ding ding ding. We have a winner!” He said in a maniac joy.
“What are you going to do to me?” I asked.
“Well Mr.Hayes, first I’m going to sew you up from your little tussle you had with my late assistant and then I will put you under and cut into that skull of yours and take out a small piece of what we call in the science world your hippocampus. Then I will draw from that all of the necessary memories to create the perfect clone of you.” He responded.
“Why? Why would you need a clone of any of us. Why can’t you just clone someone willing to be apart of this?” I asked
“Because that’s no fun Mr.Hayes, the hunt excites me. Actually you’re lucky I didn’t get you the first night. Unfortunately my creation had a little bit of a malfunction and formed a wee bit of an attachment to you. I’m sure you remember the ruckus outside your window? Anyways I digress, I do this because everyone of you lowly students will go onto do mediocre jobs where you waste away at a desk. I must also add that with having a clone of you under my control, I can do anything and get away with clean hands. My plan with you originally was to have you go into the admissions office and steal every last cent all for me. On top of that I like the power, because one day I will have a clone of every student on this campus and eventually I will cause a revolt against our comedy of a government. Who will stop me, when I won’t even be on the front lines?” Dr.Blackwood explained.
“I will” I said freeing my last hand from the binds.
What he didn’t realize is that with all of this monologue and the questions I had been feeding him, I was slowly loosening my binds with each wiggle and movement in retaliation.
Lurching forward I grab onto his collar, pulling him into a vicious headbutt. The impact sent Dr. Blackwood reeling backward, his grip on consciousness loosening as he staggered. Seizing the moment, I lunged off the table, adrenaline coursing through my veins despite the searing pain in my abdomen. With a swift motion, I grabbed a nearby surgical instrument, holding it in a defensive stance as I faced my adversary. Dr. Blackwood, recovering from the blow, snarled with rage, his once calm demeanor now replaced by a feral intensity. The room seemed to shrink around us, the tension thickening with each passing second. This was my chance to stop Blackwood's twisted plans. As he lunged forward, I met his attack head-on, the clang of metal reverberating through the room. Blow after blow, we fought with an intensity born of desperation and determination. Despite my injuries, I refused to yield, driven by a fire burnt under me to protect myself and others from Blackwood's actions . In a final, swift move, I delivered a powerful front kick, sending Blackwood crashing to the ground. The room fell silent, the echoes of our struggle fading into the darkness. Coughing he sat in the corner laughing with blood spilling down his face. “You know that it’s too late to save any of these one lying on the tables. I would’ve released you, you know that right? I would’ve simply taken your memory from today out of your brain and leaving you in your bed to wake up thinking you had a fun night” he said with final resolve as he watched me grab the scalpel from the ground taking slow steps near him.
Looking down over him, It was my turn to laugh. Kneeling down to eye level with him I grabbed him by his hair and delivered a final message to him “Fuck you and your little science experiment” as I sliced deep into his throat watching the life fade from his eyes.
I eventually found an exit door, which lead me to a storm drain deep in the woods far from my campus. It took me 2 hours to limp my way onto a main road and flag down a passing car. Pulling over I was rushed to the hospital and later interrogated by some men in suits, my guess is CIA. Here I am now, writing my final entrance. I think I heard them say something about trying a new medical process on me to help me heal quicker

I think there’s something off about my campus
Hey everyone, I’m typing this on my phone so I apologize if there is weird formatting. Anyways, to get to the point, there’s something really off with some people on my campus. I have come seeking answers.I noticed it first walking home from my 7pm class last Wednesday.
To set the scene, most of the campus is tucked back into the woods a little, and my 7pm class is in the farthest building from the parking lot (further into the woods). I get out from that 7pm class around 9pm, so on cloudy nights like last Wednesday, the only lights on that long sidewalk are the lights radiating from the other buildings. Usually, there’s roughly 30 feet where it’s pitch black because the foliage is pretty dense. I usually walk back to my apartment with some classmates that live in the same complex as me, but I told them to go ahead of me while I finished the rest of the project.
After packing my laptop away, I started heading back home. It was roughly 9:30 at this point, and my brain was slowly shutting down preparing for the deep sleep that has yet to come.Walking down the sidewalk, I heard somebody not too far into the woods laughing like they’ve just heard the funniest joke ever. I immediately thought, “probably some Freshman walking the trails with their friends smoking weed”. Chuckling to myself, I put in my AirPods and picked a playlist for my journey back home.
When I looked up from my phone, there was the silhouette of somebody walking towards me. I have no idea how I missed them before, but honestly, it’s very possible they were just in a spot where the light wasn’t quite reaching them. A little unnerved, I shifted over to the left side of the sidewalk.
(Now I’m usually fine walking alone at night; I’m a 6’2 man who’s dabbled in the world of MMA. But something about this person gave me a primal feeling of unrest.)
When they shifted over to the left mirroring me, I felt my blood run cold. But alas, I had to keep walking because this was my only way back home. As I neared closer to the figure, I almost laughed at myself when I realized it was just some harmless girl walking towards the Murphy building. If anything, I’m the intimidating one to her.
This is where it really gets weird. She stopped as I was passing her and turned to me. Thinking she needed to ask me something, I took an AirPod out and asked “what’s up?”. After staring at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, she opened her mouth, and I kid you not, mimicked the laugh I heard moments before perfectly. Before I could chalk it up to it just being her in the trails earlier, I noticed something. Her mouth wasn’t moving at all. If I had left my AirPods in, it would just look like she was just opening her mouth and staring at me. She then shifted into a deep raspy laugh. She did all of this without moving her mouth at all; I couldn’t even see her throat moving as you would expect if someone was laughing. It was almost like she was some fucked up human-shaped gramophone. The feeling of absolute horror that came over me is something I’ve only experienced in my imagination. Before I could think to do anything next, My body began to run off some sort of primal instinct. With my legs burning, it took me about 10 minutes to get all the way back to my apartment and lock myself in relative safety.
I’m coming on here now to ask if anybody knows what I experienced? I have been hearing that same laughter outside my window every night since that night, I am too terrified to sleep well and have refused to go to any of my classes. Please I just want answers, I don’t want to keep living in fear.
Part 2:
Hey everyone, I’ve gotten some DMs telling me what it may be. I’ve heard everything from banshee to skinwalker. After further research I pray to god it was neither of them. I’m praying it was just some girl with a speaker playing some sort of cruel joke. I mean yes there are people who don’t like me on campus, I’ve made some enemies over the past 4 years. But, I just don’t understand what could’ve brought it to this point. I had to stop hiding in fear and go to my classes before my grades plummet, I’m almost done with my degree and only have a few more weeks. If I let some sort of stupid prank ruin my career, It would be everything I swore against to my parents.
A lot of you guys in the DMs were also asking what college I go to and what my name is. First I want to say sorry for not providing that information in the first post, I’m sure you can understand where my head was at typing that. So let me introduce myself, my name is Nick and In order to keep my privacy, I will only provide that I go to a midwest university.
I’m sure you may be wondering, “so did it just stop?”. I would love to say yes, but really things have just gotten weirder. Though, I am pleased to say that there is no longer laughing out my window every night.
Ever since that night, I’ve been noticing more things off with the people on campus. Now you may just think it’s paranoia, but just be patient and listen.
Yesterday, I decided to muster up all of my courage and go to class. Luckily my first class is at 10AM, when the sun is well in the sky, so walking across campus seemed much less threatening. When I sat down in my first class, I noticed something off with the girl that sits in front of me. Usually she’s chatty and excited to be in class, but today she just stared blankly ahead. I tried to say good morning and ask about her weekend, as we do every Monday, but she continued to have that blank stare. She did turn her head towards be, but her eyes read “lights on, but nobody is home”.
Thinking to myself, she may just be hungover, or going through the bout of college student depression. I decided to shrug it off and turn to the front of the class and get my notes ready. But the moment I turned around, I could feel it. Her eyes burrowing deep into the back of my head. When I flipped around to see if I was just being irrational, I quickly learned I wasn’t. Her eyes went from the blank glare, to the most enthusiastic face I’ve seen on her. It was horrible, it almost seemed like she was trying so hard to pretend she was thrilled to be in class and to speak to me. It was inhuman.
I’ve been on the internet long enough to catch on to the term “Uncanny valley”, and what I witnessed In my first hour gives me that same gut feeling I got when I saw that girl last Wednesday.
I was right to be uncomfortable though, I texted her after class to make sure she was doing alright. But her response only reignited the flames of deep fear burning in my soul.
I’ll copy and paste the messages here:
Me: Hey Is everything good? You seemed off in class today.
Steph SCI 101: Uh yeah, I’m fine. but I was not in class today, I’m severely hungover from Tanner’s party last night.
Me: Haha, good one.
Steph SCI 101: No I’m so Fr, are you okay?
Steph SCI 101: Are you trying to fuck with me or something?
Me: Nevermind, I’m sorry to bother you.
(End Of Texts)
Okay so I’m sure that this gives you all the same feeling of dread that it gave me but I’m sure scaled down a bit. This is where I have started to doubt that it’s a prank, because me and Stephanie are cool. There’s no level of hate for either of us, and even if it was some joke, we don’t know each other on that type of level.
Not only did this seem to happen in my first class, but in between classes while I was walking across campus as well. I walk past hundreds of faces in my many treks across campus, and I swear to you, at least 1/4th of the people I walked past had that same dead stare look. And the way they walked, god I hate even thinking of it. It was like they were an alien trying out their new body suits for the first time. The steps and the bends of their legs just seem so meticulous, dramaticized, and puppeteered.
I’m going to try to investigate further, because at this point my fear for my life is more of a reason to try and figure out what it is so I can try to stop it.
I’m no hero, and I’m sure as hell nothing special, but If I can know what to expect for another encounter, maybe I can avoid meeting the demise I have imagined.
Part 3

First off I would like to apologize for my 20-day hiatus. For those who were worried that curiosity killed the cat so to speak, I appreciate your concern. On top of my investigation, I have also had to go through finals and work for a boss who didn't believe in life outside of work. So let's start where we left off. I had a feeling that this task was left for me to solve. it may sound stupid, but let me explain why. That night, after my last post, I had a dream that further solidified my need to solve the mystery. I tried to write all that I remembered down the morning after so here is what I wrote. 

April 4th, 2024
I had a strange dream last night, stranger than usual at least. I awoke in the woods, laying face down in the grass with someone looming over me. I heard their footsteps flee rapidly before I flipped over. I found myself just off the trail where the “incident” happened, on the trail laid a girl, bloodied and motionless. When I got up to approach her, she was quickly dragged into the parallel section of the woods. Seeing this I turned and ran into the section of woods I was in. When my legs gave out I found myself near an old supply shed, worn and long abandoned. Searching for cover, I tried the door, which luckily gave after a quick pull. There I found a trapdoor which emanated a blue hue through the cracks. The only thought on my mind, survival brought me to throw it open and climb down. I clattered down the ladder and right before my feet touched the ground, I was pulled backwards by my shirt. That’s where I woke up.
I have always trusted my gut and having a dream that vivid gave me a sense of courage I did not previously have. I know where to start my search now. I have decided my best course of action will be to record my findings on a tape recorder app. After I finish each entry it will be uploaded to a cloud that will ensure if anything happens to me, the story will get out. I am packing my backpack now with a flashlight, glow sticks to mark my trail, and a machete I was gifted by a local in Mexico. All of my recordings will be uploaded below and auto posted after 10 days. Wish me luck everyone, I’m going to need it.
Entry 1: I have started at the only place that makes sense, the trail. It is currently 1:45 PM and I have plenty of sun left in the sky. I just needed to find exactly where to start my journey into the woods. Strangely it was very easy to find. I recall one of the trees having a funky twist near the middle of the trunk. Probably just some two lovebirds trying to carve their name into the tree and realizing there were softer trees to carve into. Anyways hiking further into the woods I believe I can see the shape of the shed through the branches. I wish you guys could see how dense these trees are so you can understand my struggle.
Entry 2: I made it to the shed, but unfortunately the floor in here is concrete. This really sucks for me because I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. It’s identical on the outside but I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m just delusional, which in that case what a waste of time and energy. I’m going to head back home and just start packing for summer. Maybe it’ll be best if I just forget about all of this and leave it behind me. I am graduating after all. Wait hold on what is this?? there’s a button behind one of these shelves. I am going to press it, but idk how it would work because this floor is seamless. I’m just going to leave this recording so if anything does happen I don’t have to worry about holding the phone the whole time. Holy shit, the entire floor is lowering. It’s a fucking elevator.
Entry 3: Okay so I’ve been going down this elevator for like 30 seconds, how far down am I going?.. Oh wait hold on, Im stopped… There’s a metal door with a padlock. Ig since I have the machete there’s only one thing to do, break it. Im going to use the blunt side so I don’t ruin this thing, I like it too much. the lock clatters to the ground after 3 solid hits. Well ig there’s only one way to go now, there’s no button to get back up so I pray there’s another way up. The metal door creaks loudly. Fuck I regret this, It’s dark and I can tell it’s a big area because it’s so echoey in here. I’m currently praising my past self for thinking about the flashlight and glow sticks. I need to find out what in the hell this place is and most importantly, if there’s a damn light switch.
Entry 4: God this place is terrifying I’ve been walking around the sterile white halls of this place for like 10 minutes and have found nothing, no doors, no light switch. I feel like a rat in a maze. Also scratch what I said about being glad I packed glow sticks, because my stupid ass only brought like 20 of these things and I’m already down to 5. Also I feel like I’m not alone, every now and then I’ll turn a corner and the glow from the previous glow stick quickly vanishes. I feel like it might just be because the darkness seems to envelop everything like a blanket. But I have that feeling that I’m being followed. You know the one, where you know somethings wrong you just can’t pin point what it is. Oh shit no way, there’s light, I think there’s a door or something up ahead.
Entry 5: Holy shit… It’s a lab, and worse, there’s people strapped too tables, completely naked and unconscious. I know they are alive because each of them are hooked up with a million different cords, and one of those are plugged into a heart monitor. This place is huge, there has to be at least 50 people on these tables.
“Hey you, you’re not supposed to be in here” yelled a man adorned in a lab coat.
“What are you doing to these kids you sick fucks.” I yelled back at the man across the lab.
In a haste the scientist rushes towards a red button, setting off a loud alarm, turning the lights to a flashing red. With no exit behind me, I could only do one thing... Rush towards him. My training kicked in as I launched into a flurry of calculated strikes. My first hit connected, a right overhand clean under his eye. The doctor stumbled back, but I didn't give him a chance to recover. I pressed the attack, keeping him off balance with a relentless barrage of punches and kicks. He fought back ferociously, but I was one step ahead, anticipating his moves and countering with swift, efficient strikes. We wrestled, the room around us becoming a blur of pain and adrenaline. I used the environment to my advantage, improvising weapons from the scattered medical equipment and turning the empty tables on my opponent. Pinning him to the ground, I laid down a harsh barrage of final blows. His face was a bloody pulp, unrecognizable. But I didn’t walk away unscathed, somewhere in the tussle, the scientist buried a scalpel deep into my stomach. With my adrenaline wearing off, the pain overtook me, sending me into darkness as I fainted from the blood loss and adrenaline dump. I awoke with my arms and legs strapped to the cold metal operating table. Before I could try to struggle, a face overtook my field of vision.
“Quite a fight you put up, you turned poor Dr.Samson into a soup” the looming face said with a chuckle. “You are the first person to put the pieces together and for that I am thoroughly impressed Mr. Hayes”
“Who are you?!” I said fighting at my binds. “Let me go!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that Mr.Hayes. You have seen far too much, and I definitely can’t have you running around telling the world what you saw here. Although nobody would believe you.” “And to answer your other question, I’m surprised you don’t recognize me… really take a moment and look at me” He said pulling down his face mask.
“Dr.Blackwood?” I said as I looked back on my freshman year biology class.
“Ding ding ding ding. We have a winner!” He said in a maniac joy.
“What are you going to do to me?” I asked.
“Well Mr.Hayes, first I’m going to sew you up from your little tussle you had with my late assistant and then I will put you under and cut into that skull of yours and take out a small piece of what we call in the science world your hippocampus. Then I will draw from that all of the necessary memories to create the perfect clone of you.” He responded.
“Why? Why would you need a clone of any of us. Why can’t you just clone someone willing to be apart of this?” I asked
“Because that’s no fun Mr.Hayes, the hunt excites me. Actually you’re lucky I didn’t get you the first night. Unfortunately my creation had a little bit of a malfunction and formed a wee bit of an attachment to you. I’m sure you remember the ruckus outside your window? Anyways I digress, I do this because everyone of you lowly students will go onto do mediocre jobs where you waste away at a desk. I must also add that with having a clone of you under my control, I can do anything and get away with clean hands. My plan with you originally was to have you go into the admissions office and steal every last cent all for me. On top of that I like the power, because one day I will have a clone of every student on this campus and eventually I will cause a revolt against our comedy of a government. Who will stop me, when I won’t even be on the front lines?” Dr.Blackwood explained.
“I will” I said freeing my last hand from the binds.
What he didn’t realize is that with all of this monologue and the questions I had been feeding him, I was slowly loosening my binds with each wiggle and movement in retaliation.
Lurching forward I grab onto his collar, pulling him into a vicious headbutt. The impact sent Dr. Blackwood reeling backward, his grip on consciousness loosening as he staggered. Seizing the moment, I lunged off the table, adrenaline coursing through my veins despite the searing pain in my abdomen. With a swift motion, I grabbed a nearby surgical instrument, holding it in a defensive stance as I faced my adversary. Dr. Blackwood, recovering from the blow, snarled with rage, his once calm demeanor now replaced by a feral intensity. The room seemed to shrink around us, the tension thickening with each passing second. This was my chance to stop Blackwood's twisted plans. As he lunged forward, I met his attack head-on, the clang of metal reverberating through the room. Blow after blow, we fought with an intensity born of desperation and determination. Despite my injuries, I refused to yield, driven by a fire burnt under me to protect myself and others from Blackwood's actions . In a final, swift move, I delivered a powerful front kick, sending Blackwood crashing to the ground. The room fell silent, the echoes of our struggle fading into the darkness. Coughing he sat in the corner laughing with blood spilling down his face. “You know that it’s too late to save any of these one lying on the tables. I would’ve released you, you know that right? I would’ve simply taken your memory from today out of your brain and leaving you in your bed to wake up thinking you had a fun night” he said with final resolve as he watched me grab the scalpel from the ground taking slow steps near him.
Looking down over him, It was my turn to laugh. Kneeling down to eye level with him I grabbed him by his hair and delivered a final message to him “Fuck you and your little science experiment” as I sliced deep into his throat watching the life fade from his eyes.
I eventually found an exit door, which lead me to a storm drain deep in the woods far from my campus. It took me 2 hours to limp my way onto a main road and flag down a passing car. Pulling over I was rushed to the hospital and later interrogated by some men in suits, my guess is CIA. Here I am now, writing my final entrance. I think I heard them say something about trying a new medical process on me to help me heal quicker

Once again, my next post concerning the localized script of Cold Steel III. With this, I'll tackle the first part of Chapter 3. The points shown here are based on my sensibilities as to what lines cause issues for the dialogue, from being outright wrong to being awkward. My previous posts are listed below:

• Prologue: https://www.reddit.com/Falcom/s/iU44PytvbN
  
• Chapter 1: https://www.reddit.com/Falcom/s/cTjkFwRsAM
  
• Chapter 2 (1/2): https://www.reddit.com/Falcom/s/973QP55DqX
  
• Chapter 2 (2/2): https://www.reddit.com/Falcom/s/XrHBTWb0hr
  

Chapter 3

• 1:「I take it this means House Hyarms will be the only one of the Four Great Houses in attendance?」 / 「“四大”から当主が出席するのはそちらの家だけになりそうだな？」

The localization has Jusis word this an absolute. "当主" should refer to the actual head of the house. Jusis could've said: [I take it this means House Hyarms will be the only one of the Four Great Houses in with it's head attendance?]

• 2:「Every bit as tasty as the pancakes Tilly and I had earlier.」 / 「この前アーちゃんと食べたパンケーキに負けてないかなぁ。」

The phrasing choice of "earlier" in the localization makes this reference to a moment in Chapter 1, pretty much two months ago, strange. It feels like way too much like a direct translation of "この前," without the context. Millium could've said: [Every bit as tasty as the pancakes Tilly and I had (anything that'd make more sense) before/in Leeves/a couple months ago.]

• 3:「I figured Nidhoggr would be good, but the other guys are no slouches themselves.」 / 「“竜”も“連中”も悪くない。」

Random moment in the localization where refering to the jaeger corp in question as just "the dragons"/"竜" is omitted. There were no issues in any other instance. Shirley could've said: [I figured the dragons would be good, but the other guys are no slouches themselves.]

• 4:「The dragon lost its head, and as for the other group, well...」 / 「“竜”は頭が変わり、“彼ら”の方といえば──」

The original has it as "changed"/"変わり," not outright lost. Gareth could've said: [The dragon changed its head, and as for the other group, well...]

• 5:「We've got two of the strongest jaeger corps--the dragons and these jaegers in purple--battling it out...」 / 「──最強の猟兵団２つに“竜”たち、そして紫の一団……」

The localization phrases this in a different way than it should. It's denoted that "the dragons and these jaegers in purple" are emphasized as the "two strongest jager corps"; however, the original is listing the four in the scene. Sara could've said: [We've got two of the strongest jaeger corps--Zephyr and the Red Constelation--the dragons and these jaegers in purple, battling it out.]

• 6:「What's this big conference thing about?」 / 「『領邦会議』って何なの？」

The localization changes the clear question about the actual term she read about, just to make it sillier. Besides the fact that it even chooses to swap "council" for "conference." Juna could've said: [What's this Provincial Council thing about?]

• 7:「One time, some bandits captured me and held me in a stone prison...」 / 「とある小国では、山賊に捕まり一週間も岩牢へぶち込まれた事があったのお……」

The localization omits the time held captive, "one week"/"一週間." Old Man Rod could've said: [One time, some bandits captured me and held me in a stone prison for a whole week...]

• 8:「Speaking of which, was the Azure Knight ever retrieved?」 / 「そういえば《蒼の騎神》は軍に回収されたのよね？」

「I heard that they sealed it up so that the Noble Alliance wouldn't get their hands on it.」 / 「貴族勢力に使われないよう厳重に封印したって聞いたけど……」
Very weird way to phrase this line by the localization. Especially considering that it is also said "they sealed it" in the next line. The original already mentions the "military"/"軍." Celine could've said: [Speaking of which, was/wasn't the Azure Knight ever retrieved by the military?]

• 9:「Mastering this form is more difficult than any other. I do not know if you are even capable of such a feat, yet...」 / 「その極みは他の型よりも遠く、おぬしが“理”に至れるかは分からぬが……」

The localization lumps the meaning of reaching the "pinnacle" or "heights"/"極み" and "enlightenment"/"理" to be the same thing as "mastering"/"奥伝" the 7th form. That's simply wrong. Yun Ka-Fai's letter could've said: [Reaching the pinnacle of this form is more difficult than any other. I do not know if you are even capable of attaining "enlightenment", yet...]

• 10:「Not to mention, I can't imagine you'd need a third. Not at this point in your relationship, anyway♡.」 / 「それにせっかくの２人きりの機会……水を差すのは野暮というものですし♡」

The localization adds what I assume is meant to be a "threesome" joke. Sharon could've said: [Not to mention, I can't imagine you'd like me to intrude on your private time♡]

• 11:「My school and the cathedral are in the same district, in case you were wondering.」 / 「何しろ、女学院と大聖堂は同じサンクト地区にありますしね。」

The localization saw fit to omit the specifications of the district. Elise could've said: [My school/St. Astraia/the Girl's School and the cathedral are both in the Sankt District, in case you were wondering.]

• 12:「(Yes, I have. When I was accompanying the inspection team in Crossbell, I did some studying there.)」 / 「（ええ、ですがクロスベルの視察団に同行するのにあたって一通り勉強しましたから。）」

Actually, it's completely wrong. When questioned, by Rean, that she's never been to Armorica Village before, she's not supposed to have "studied in the village." Elise should've said: [Yes, I haven't. However, when I was accompanying the inspection team in Crossbell, I did some studying/read all *about it.]

• 13:「We have the Goddess of the Sky, but they worship something else.」 / 「彼らは空の女神と同じくらい大切にしているものがあるんだ。」

「What is it that the Nord people worship?」 / 「ノルドの民が、空の女神と同じくらい大切にしているものは？」
There isn't supposed to be a comparison that reads as if the Nord people worship "something else" instead of Aidios. Rean could've said: [They also have the Goddess of the Sky, but they worship something else equally.]

• 14:「He knows a lot about cooking, and he tells me all about the academy. Teehee, he's so helpful.」 / 「お料理も詳しいし、学院の事情なんかも教えてくださるの。ふふ、助かっているわ。」

「With such an amazing faculty member, Thors must really be an excellent school.」 / 「あんなに優秀な職員さんが いるなんて、トールズってやっぱり名門校なのねぇ。」
「Hahaha...(That doesn't quite seem like Celestin, but...)」 / 「ははは……（セレスタンさんはちょっと特別な気もするが……）」
The localization got this one completely wrong. How is describing Celestin as "knowledgeable about cooking" and "helpful" not like him? That response makes no sense. First, the second line should read more generalizing the compliments to the whole staff; Cattleya could've said: [With such an amazing faculty member/members Thors must really be an excellent school.] Second, the meaning is that "Celestin is a unique case among the faculty" (in regards to being so amazing.) Rean could've said: [Hahaha... (That doesn't quite seem like anyone but Celestin...)]

• 15:「Huh...? (Wait, is someone outside...?)」 / 「ふむ……（そういえば部屋の外に……）」

The localization also got this one wrong. The Japanese don't come across as completely unaware. The assumption of this scene is that to Wayne is standing outside the training hall. Rean could've said: [Huh...? (Wait, the one outside would be...)]

• 16:「She also said she apprenticed under a female martial artist and traveled around Erebonia...」 / 「外国人の女性武術家に弟子入りして、半年も帝国を放浪していたなんて話も聞きましたが……」

The localization omits the time spent traveling, "半年." Rean could've said: [She also said she apprenticed under a female martial artist and traveled around Erebonia for six months...]

• 17:「Yeah, thanks to this pendant Emma made me.」 / 「ああ……エマの魔力が込められこのペンダントの力を借りてだが。」

The localization simplifies the explanation. Rean could've said: [Yeah, thanks to this pendant Emma imbued with her magic.)

• 18:「A monster? Wait, that's a cryptid!」 / 「魔獣──いや、魔物のたぐいか！？」

「What a nightmarish beast that cryptid was...」 / 「はぁ、まさかあんな恐ろしい魔物がいるなんて……」
The localization mistranslated "fiend"/"魔物" for "cryptid"/"幻獣." Kurt could've said: [A monster? Wait that's some kind of fiend!] Musse could've said: [What a nightmarish beast that fiend was...]

• 19:「After paying a visit to Professor Schmidt, Rean walked George to the station, where his train back to Roer was waiting.」 / 「シュミット博士に一言挨拶を済ませた後、北東のルーレに向かうジョルジュを駅まで見送ることにしたのだった。」

The localization removes the direction of the city. The narration could've said: [After paying a visit to Professor Schmidt, Rean walked George to the station, where his train back to Roer, in the northeast, was waiting.]

• 20:「I considered making a last stand there, but news of the Northern War reached me.」 / 「１年は抵抗してやろうと思ったがそこへ《北方戦役》の話が降ってきた。」

The localization removes the remark about the duration of the last stand. Aurelia could've said: [I considered making a last stand there for a year, but news of the Northern War reached me.]

• 21:「You'll be just fine, Towa. Now let's get this show on the road!」 / 「フフ、ハーシェル先輩ならきっと大丈夫ですよ。一緒に頑張りましょう！」

The localization changes, addressing Towa by her surname. Munk could've said: [You'll be just fine, Herschel. Now let's get this show on the road!]

• 22:「Not to mention, as the student council president, you were highly regarded by many of your fellow students.」 / 「もとより、士官学院の生徒会長として貴族・平民を問わず多くの学院生たちから高い信頼を受け──」

The localization omits taking social classes into account. Munk could've said: [Not to mention, as the student council president, you were highly regarded by many of your fellow students--nobles and commoners alike.]

• 23:「Heehee. No elegant young maiden can resist the call of beautiful lace.」 / 「ふふっ、淑女の嗜みと言えばやはりマリアージュ・クロスははずせないでしょうね。」

The localization omits the mention of the brand. Musse could've said: [Heehee. No elegant young maiden can resist the call of Mariage Cross beautiful lace/Mariage Cross' beautiful lace.]

• 24:「Nothing draws a man's eye like a bit of lace...in just the right spot.」 / 「姫様から色々とプレゼントされたと聞きましたけど？」

The localization completely changes, from specifically teasing Elise to just be more of a general tease. Musse could've said: [I've heard that the princess has gifted you many such lace.]

• 25:「Although, I was shocked when she tried to pay for it with gunpowder.」 / 「手持ちがないからって報酬を弾薬で払おうとした時は驚いたけどね。」

The localization chooses to translate the general term for "ammunition"/"弾薬" to be specifically gunpowder. Marcus could've said: [Although, I was shocked when she tried to pay for it with ammunition/ammo/(maybe) bullets.]

• 26:「How about assorted Eastern sweets?」 / 「なら……『羊羹の詰め合わせ』はどうだ？」

The localization randomly chooses to translate "yokan"/"羊羹" as just generic "eastern sweets", after having no problem doing it correctly in all other instances. Rean could've said: [How about some assorted yokan?]

• 27:「Well, we've basically just been making whatever we want at the Cooking Club.」 / 「ま、具体的には料理研究会と女子の有志でメニュー追加ですね。」

The localization phrases the arrangement weirdly. Juna could've said: [Well, we've (Elise, Musse and Juna) basically just decided on the menu together with the Cooking Club.]

• 28:「The elder? Is she the one Emma and Vita call their grandmother?」 / 「“長”──エマが“お祖母ちゃん”、クロチルダさんが“婆様”と呼ぶ人だよな？」

「I'm also worried about the 'true story' that Vita mentioned.」 / 「クロチルダさんが言っていた“真なる物語”というのもあったな。」
Again, it's made to use "Vita" instead of "Clotilde." I've already explained in previous posts how these changes can affect the dynamics of characters negatively. Rean could've said: [I'm also worried about the 'true story' that Clotilde mentioned.]

• 29:「From that day, Emma began training and studying as hard as she could with one goal...」 / 「『あやつの事は忘れよ』という“長”の言葉にも納得せず、その日からひたすらに修行と勉学に励んでいったわ。」

The localization removes what Roselia told Emma. Celine could've said: [From the day the Elder said 'forget all about heVita', Emma began training and studying as hard as she could with one goal...)

• 30:「That's the golden Spiegel the principal mentioned!」 / 「分校長が使っていた黄金のシュピーゲル……！」

The localization swaps "used" or "piloted"/"使っていた" for "mentioned." Rean could've said: [That's the golden Spiegel the principal used/piloted!]

• 31:「And so, Aurelia finished training the members of Class VIII...」 / 「──こうしてオーレリアはⅧ組メンバーにも（優しく）稽古を付け……」

The localization omits the joke. The narration could've said: [And so, Aurelia finished (gently) training the members of Class VIII...]

• 32:「Do they really need to have the conference during the Summer Festival...?」 / 「……夏至祭の時期……領邦会議もあるんですよね……」

The localization chose to phrase this as there's supposed to be reservation against these events being held at the same time. That wasn't particularly present originally. Tatiana could've said: [The Summer Festival is going to be held at the same time as Pronvicial Council...]; or: [I hear that the Provincial Council will be held together with the Summer Festival...]

• 33:「From what I heard, Olivier liked to play his lute under it.」 / 「ちなみに、その大橋の下で オリビエさんがリュートの弾き語りを披露したことがあるらしいんです。」

The localization puts this as if it's a 'known regular hobby'. Tita could've said: [From what I heard, Olivier played his lute under it *once.]

• 34:「It reminds me of the fleet. I feel like I'm home.」 / 「まるで船団に戻って来た みたいというか……これだけで里心がついちまうよ。」

「I hope our boss is doing well.」 / 「それにしても──女将さん、元気だといいんだが。」
The localization creates an awkward confusion for these lines. What would be expected is that "boss" would be the fleet's boss, but it's actually talking about the owner of the sailor bar, Miranda, by using "owner" or "landlady"/"女将さん." Leonora could've said: [I hope Miranda/the owner is doing well.]

• 35「Well, thanks to my mom's job, I know all about the nightlife in Raquel. Lemme know if you need any recommendations.」 / 「ま、お袋の職場だったのもあるし、夜のラクウェルなら任せろや。」

「I think it'll be an eye-opening experience for everyone, yeah?」 / 「坊ちゃんやらジャジャ馬にだっていい社会勉強になるんじゃねえか？」
「Though I might consider doing something after we're done with the field exercises.」 / 「せめて演習が終わった最終日なら引率込みで考えなくもないが。」
「Huh...? Well, aren't you a stingy one?」 / 「ハァ……？チッ、ケチくせえ野郎だな。」
The point of the line doesn't really come across that well in the localization. It sounds like the punchline to responding to Ash's proposal to allow Class VII to go out in the nightlife of Raquel is that "I'll consider doing that by myself." That couldn't be more wrong. Rena could've said: [Though I might consider chaperoning you guys after we're done with the field exercises.]

• 36:「The former Duke Cayenne is still under arrest and no replacement has been named.」 / 「現カイエン公は逮捕されたままで地方統括者は不在ですよね。」

Literally mistranslates "current"/"現." Altina could've said: [The current Duke Cayenne is still under arrest and no replacement has been named.]

• 37:「Hmph, you talk a lot for a doll. Must have a really long string in the back.」 / 「ハッ、よく喋る人形だぜ。」

Ash's line originally ends at the first clause.

• 38:「I hear there are some snipers who chose the Hector... but I suppose it all comes down to feeling.」 / 「正規軍の中にはヘクトルを選ぶ狙撃手もいるそうですが……まあ、要は相性ですね。」

The localization omits tthe fact that the snipers are from the army. Maya could've said: [I hear there are some snipers in the Imperial Army who chose the Hector... but I suppose it all comes down to feeling.]

• 39:「We need to focus on getting to Ordis.」 / 「この先はラクウェル方面──まずはオルディスの依頼に集中しよう。」

The localization removes the previous remark. Rean could've said: [This way leads to Raquel--We need to focus on getting to Ordis.]

• 40:「Damn. So that monster used to cozy up in there with fifty-thousand soldiers.」 / 「クク、あんな場所にあの化物が５万の兵と立て籠もったワケだ。」

The choice of "used" makes the sentence read as a characteristic beyond the single event the Japanese refers to. Ash could've said: [Damn. So that monster locked herself/cozied up in there with fifty-thousand soldiers.]

• 41:「During the war, the Imperial Army was at a loss after multiple failed attempts to infiltrate.」 / 「当時、帝国正規軍も攻めあぐねて頭を抱えたそうです。」

「It's fully equipped with multiple Panzer Soldats, large-class airships, and enough supplies and anti-aircraft cannons to last three years.」/ 「多数の機甲兵に大型飛行艇、３年は継戦できるだけの物資、対空砲も完備していましたから。」
In the context of "the Noble Alliance forces, after the civil war ended, barricaded themselves in Juno Naval Fortress," the localization wrongly chooses to put it as "during the war." Much the same, the second line is supposed to be talking about that single past event. Altina could've said: [It was equipped with multiple Panzer Soldats, large-class airships, and enough supplies amd anti-aircraft cannons to last three years.]

• 42:「(And thus a deal was struck that shifted the Northern War.)」 / 「（そんな事態を打開するために北方戦役の話が持ち上がった……）」

The localization translated this line very wrongly. The situation being "shifted" isn't the Northern War. Rean could've said: [To resolve that situation (Aurelia's barricade in Juno), the deal to set out for the Northern War was struck.]

• 44:「I don't see any Goliath Soldats. Do you?」 / 「ああ、そういや主力戦車だの噂の巨人機(ゴライアス)だのは見当たらねぇな？」

The localization omits the mention of the Main Battle Tanks. Ash could've said: [I don't see any Main Battle Tanks/MBTs/Achtzenhs or Goliath Soldats. Do you?]

• 46:「But over the past six months, we've seen some suspicious activity from both jaeger corps.」 / 「だがここ半年、帝国各地で不可解な動きをしていた各猟兵団が半月くらい前から鳴りを潜めていてな。」

「Activity that's led us to believe they're planning something for the Imperial Provincial Council in Lamare.」 / 「ール州で開かれる領邦会議に合わ・せるように。」
「Over the past six months, there haven't been any confirmed reports of jaeger corps activity within the Empire.」 / 「──ここ半月、帝国各地で 活動していた複数の猟兵団の動きが確認できなくなっている模様。」
By virtue of omitting information, the localization causes this line to have the wrong information. In the first line. Wallace could've said: [But over the past half a month/two weeks, we've not seen activity from the multiple jaeger corps which, until then, had been moving suspiciously in the Empire starting six months ago.] Consequentially, it's the lack of movement so close to the Provincial Council that makes them wary. The third line straight up mistranslated "half a month"/"半月." Wallace could've said: [Over the past half a month/two weeks, there haven't been any confirmed reports of jaeger corps activity within the Empire.]

• 47:「Ordis has been holding the Imperial Provincial Council since yesterday. Immediately after that's done is the Summer Festival.」 / 「オルディスは明日より領邦会議、そして《夏至祭》という状況です。」

The localization outright mistranslates "tomorrow"/"明日." The Provincial Army Soldier could've said: [Ordis will hold the Imperial Provincial Council starting tomorrow. Immediately after that's done is the Summer Festival.]

• 49:「Looking at this view, I can see why Ordis is so famous.」 / 「さすがは《紺碧の海都》と称えられるだけはある街だな。」

「The Port City, Ordis.」 / 「《紺碧の海都》オルディスへ。」
The localization refuses to establish a term for this other name that Rean and Musse call Ordis. Given some uses of the Japanese term, it could be "Saphirl Port City"; given the name of a food item in the city, perhaps "Aquamarine Port City"; even if not the same kanji, maybe "Azure Port City." As long as it's not entirely omitted from the game.

• 50:「Yeah, but once we're done sightseein', we've got a monster to kill.」 / 「そんで一通り回ったら南の浜辺で手配された魔獣をブチ倒すわけか。」

The localization omits mentioning the location of the monster. Ash could've said: [Yeah, but once we're done sightseein', we've got a monster to kill on the beach to the south/southern beach/beach south of the city.]

• 51:「I hope Luna isn't too bored.」 / 「はっはっは、ルナたちが退屈していなければいいのだが。」

The localization singles out Luna. Lord Quinn could've said: [I hope Luna and Eclair aren't too bored.]

• 52:「You're in luck. With the Summer Festival going on, the town is really buzzing with activity.」 / 「夏至祭も近いので商業区は賑わっているようです。」

The localization messes up the timeframe a little. The Provincial Army Soldier could've said: [You're in luck. With the Summer Festival happening soon, the town is really buzzing with activity.]

• 53:「My husband doesn't like things that come from the capital.」 / 「うちは旦那様が帝都資本嫌いなんです。」

Just like in Chapter 2, a maid is made to call her "master"/"lord" her husband by virtue of the fact that the Japanese term can be used for both. Pamela could've said: [My Master/Lord doesn't like things that come from the capital.]

• 54:「In addition to the taverns, there's an orbment store, and a glass workshop that is popular with the duke households.」 / 「宿酒場の他に、導力器なども扱う、公爵家御用達の硝子工房などもあります。」

It's not meant to be "households "in plural; the context here is that the glass workshop is used by the Cayenne estate. Musse could've said: [In addition to the taverns, there's an orbment store, and a glass workshop that is popular with the duke household/Cayenne/duke's estate*.]

• 55:「Guess what! My big brother is coming back tomorrow!」 /「あのね！ 今日兄ちゃんが帰ってくるんだ～っ！」

「My big brother is coming back tomorrow!」 / 「今日は兄ちゃんが帰ってくるんだよ！」
Straight up mistranslating "today"/"今日" in the localization. Luka could've said: [Guess what! My big brother is coming back today!]; And: [My big brother is coming back today!]

• 56:「Gramps is the ultimate craftsman. He even received the Golden Emblem.」 / 「じいちゃんは陛下から《黄綬勲章》を賜った最高の職人ですからね。」

The localization omits the line also havimg mention of the fact that the emperor is the award giver. Luther could've said: [Gramps is the ultimate craftsman. He even received the Golden Emblem from His Majesty himself.]

• 57:「Though, all I do nowadays is drink here!」 / 「ま、今はこの店くらいにしか卸しておらんがなぁ！」

「We get all our seafood from Rossel.」 / 「ちなみに魚介はそこのロッセルさんが卸してくれるんだ。」
The localization got this line wrong. It's not about drinking a lot, even the owner of the inn says the same, "卸して." Just as mentioned in the second line, by the tavern owner, Edmond. Old Man Rossel should've said: [Though, all I do nowadays is sell my catches here!]

• 57:「I need to make sure it doesn't compromise the beauty of this.」 / 「《輝き号》の魅力を損ねないよう、極力目立たないようにしたいけど……」

The localization chose to have the guy who's emamored with his new boat, and gave it it's own name, ultimately call it a "this." The Cheerful Man could've said: [I need to make sure it doesn't compromise Radiance's beauty.]

• 58:「I had to rid myself of some of the merchant ships my grandfather passed down to me! Aside from that little head start, I'm a self-made man!」 / 「祖父の代からの商船すらただ同然で手放すことになるなど……！」

The original isn't really about being or not being "self-made." Lord Beckford could've said: [I had to rid myself of some of the merchant ships my grandfather passed down to me as if they were worthless!]

• 59:「I mean, will all four of the Great Houses even participate? This truly is mindboggling.」 / 「そもそも四大の足並みすら揃うかどうか。……やれやれ、悩ませてくれる。」

The localization makes up the logic that the count would somehow still be in doubt of the participation of Great Houses with one day to go. Count Florald should've said: [I mean, will all four of the Great Houses' thoughts even be in alignment? This truly is mindboggling.]

• 60:「So this is a jade shell...It'd make for quite the accessory.」 / 「これがヒスイ貝か……確かに飾りに相応しいな。」

The whole point of the quest is to make "decorations"/"飾り" for the Summer Festival, and the localization decides it should be "accessory." Kurt should've said: [So this is a jade shell...It'd make for quite the decorarion.]

• 61:「We've lost enough men for one day.」 / 「ここで戦力を減らす意味など皆無だからな。」

The original doesn't make it sound like the Purple Jaegers already lost men against Rean and Class VII. The Purple Jaeger should've said: [There's no point in us losing our forces here today.]

• 62:「It's vital that we confirm if there are jaeger corps roaming the area.」 / 「この地で猟兵団が動いているのを実際に捉えたのは大きいだろう。」

The localization mistranslated this line and also makes it sound silly. None of the characters put any doubt that there are jaegers around or that the Purple Jaegers are jaegers; needing to confirm that just comes across as awkward. Patrick should've said: [It would have been great if we had actually captured those jaegers roaming the area.]

• 62:「This is a travesty! Does Marquis Ballad truly intend to reform the government like this?!」 / 「……信じられるか！？バラッド侯はまだ政府の改革案を受け入れるつもりらしいぞ。」

The original is about "accepting the government's reform plan"/"政府の改革案を受け入れる. Lord Beckford should've said: [This is a travesty! Does Marquis Ballad truly intend to accept the reforms of the government like this?!]

• 63:「We'll both be in town while the council is underway.」 / 「毎年領邦会議の時期は二人とも同じ街にいるんです。」

The original is about the lovers being in Ordis "every year"/"毎年" during the Provincial Council. Hearhcliff could've said: [We both come to town every year while the council is underway.]

• 64:「The next Duke Cayenne is about to be decided.」 / 「そろそろ現カイエン公にも判決が出される頃だよなぁ。」

The localizations not only mistranslate "current"/"現" but also "sentenced"/"判決が出される." Reins should've said: [The current Duke Cayenne is about to be sentenced.]

• 65:「Our hotel offers a taxi service.」 / 「当ホテルではラクウェルヘの送迎サービスも行っております。」

「You can enjoy the night life without worrying about the time.」 / 「鉄道のお時間を気にせず歓楽街を楽しむ事ができますよ。」
The first localized line gives the wrong idea. That would cause the second line to likely be interpreted as "Ordis' night life" when it's actually about in "Raquel"/"ラクウェル". Receptionis Harold should've said: [Our hotel offers a taxi service jto and from Raquel*.]

• 66:「Juna, see you later.」 / 「ユウナちゃんたち、お疲れ様ー。」

The localization singles out Juna, when it's her and Class VII. Louise could've said: [Juna and everyone/Everyone/Class VII, see you later.]

• 67:「Haha. Well, the three girls were so cute that I nearly--ahem, excuse me.」 / 「フフ、女の子たち３人が可愛すぎて思わず鼻血が──おっと、失敬。」

The localization leaves to the imagination, for better or for worse to some, that she got a "nosebleed"/"鼻血." Angelica could've said: [Haha. Well, the three girls were so cute that I got a nosebleed--ahem, excuse me.]

• 68:「There was a shooting near a school the other day...」 / 「この前なんて町のすぐ近くで撃ち合いがあって。」

The localization mistranslated "町" as "school," which doesn't have anything to do with it. Sister Olfa should've said: [There was a shooting near the city the other day...]

Prior LEO ptsd troubles
A short background because it’s honestly too many things to go into. I started as a deputy when I was 23. I started as a cadet for the sheriffs office at 18, my first call I witnessed a guy put a 30-06 in his mouth and paint the tree behind him. Within my first year full time was involved In a shooting. First year chased a burglary suspect that carjacked two people and stabbed both. Had to watch a teenage girl burn to death screaming in a car and there was nothing we could do, we couldn’t get her out, couldn’t get the fire out, and her screams are burned in my brain, a 16 year old kid, on the way to school, never made it, and all you can do is watch, hear her scream until there was silence and then the fire department was finally able to get there, minutes too late. Numerous suicide calls. Two of them are seared into my mind. First was on Easter one year I got a call from Sgt asking me and the senior shift deputy to respond to a suicide that was a friend of his. The wife wore ear plugs and outer ear muffs because her husband snored so loud, anyways, the husband shot himself in the bed at night with a 38 to the head and the brain matter was all in her hair, she didn’t know until the kids ran in to wake up the parents for Easter baskets, dad of course didn’t wake up. The second was a 14yr old foster kid whose foster parents went to a movie on a super cold night and came out to not be able to find him. I found him in the back yard, he had hung himself with a dog leash on the swingset to the point to where to do so he had to consciously hold his legs off the ground until he had asphyxiated. Who knows how many other shit calls. But one other that still haunts me was my first child sexual torture. Was a 6 year old little girl whose grandmother called. Her POS dad would put a butter knife to a propane torch and insert it into her, put cigarettes out on her, and slice her private areas. As I went outside to the car to call Sgt and do the report, she ran up to me and demanded that I take her teddy bear in thanks for helping her. This was a decade before I had my own children, and I remember going out to the car and bawling like a baby.
These are the gist. I spent 12 years in law enforcement, worked everything from patrol, investigations, warrants, and ended in the schools as a resource officer. I never had a problem with the violent calls, the shots fired. In fact, those calls I felt most calm, I felt like it was my place because I knew what to expect, I could flick off the emotions and handle whatever came. What ended up getting me was death. The breaking point I was attempting to serve a civil paper and the house looked abandoned. I said, hell I’ll do my due diligence and make sure. As I walked around the back I saw in the window out of the corner of my eye a rope hanging from a ceiling fan, clothes, and a chair kicked over. I’d seen so many hangings before, in my mind I knew that’s what it was. But I couldn’t bring myself to confirm, I couldn’t see it anymore. I had to call my best friend on shift to look. All I could do was go back to my unit and just feel this broken helplessness. It turned out some kids had “hanged” a mannequin and it wasn’t a real person.
I spent the next 3 years after that in the schools and loved it, but I still hated my profession, because it had warped my life, affected every aspect of it irregardless of what I did. I ended up on meds, and ended up taking a job within emergency management and currently love that job.
On to the struggle or rather the question. As many of you know, even with meds the ptsd is still there. I ended up developing issues with loud noises and other things that I never had a problem with when I wore a badge.
I found myself drinking more now than ever. Not so much as an escape, but because I need to feel what I remember, or what’s burned in my brain. Have you had issues where you “know” what you’ve been through, you know how that should affect you and what emotions it should produce, yet you’re not able to get those emotions out that you feel you need to? For example, you are having a bad day of all those memories coming back and their taking over. You want so bad to break down, bawl, and yet it’s like you’re reading a book that someone else experienced it. You question is it real? Why do I have these memories and this pit inside of me that wants to get these things out and break down but it just won’t come out. When I say this I don’t mean it in a positive way that you’ve healed and the trauma no longer bothers you, I mean it grips you but you can’t release or invoke the physical response of what is the turmoil inside of you. I try to tell my wife the video morgan wallen made to “cover me up” is the closest to how life feels a lot of the time. And I can understand how people want to go back, because as fucked up as the experience, watour, job was, it made sense when you were in the grind. When you’re out, you’re alien to yourself, things are different, you’re different, it’s impossible to be normal or what society expects out of you. You’re stuck in between hating it for what it stole from you and did to you and longing for it to be back because in its own fucked up realm, it’s the only thing that makes sense. I’m still in emergency services, so I have a radio that has the frequencies to my prior agency and surrounding. I hear calls come across (the high risk ones) and I find myself when driving going into that mode and wanting to head towards the call. I still if in the area will back up units if they’re solo. It’s like the dangerous calls part I can’t get away from. Not that I receive a “high” off of them, but I feel the most calm and most normal during those type of situations. For those that have gotten out do you feel the same?
I’m sorry for the long read, it’s just not something that’s easy to paraphrase.