The Big List

Prices are firm. Please only redeem the portion of a code you are paying for. All codes are for immediate redemption. All Disney & Sony codes include points unless otherwise noted. As of 4/01/2024 all Google Play options have been removed from Disney codes.
I accept Cashapp, Venmo, Zelle & PayPal F&F without any notes. Comment & pm if interested. Thanks!

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MISC

Barbie 4K [2023] $6 (MA)
Batwoman season 1 HD [2019] $6 (Vudu)
Supergirl season 5 HD $6 (Vudu)
X-Men Trilogy HD [X-Men, X2 & The Last Stand] $8 (MA)

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$5 4K UHD

Blackkklansman (MA)
John Wick 1-3 (iTunes)
Mission: Impossible- Dead Reckoning Part One (iTunes)

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$4 4K UHD

Alien [1979] (iTunes/ports)
Aliens [1986] (iTunes/ports)
Big Lebowski, The (iTunes/ports)
Black Panther (MA + 200 points)
Captain Marvel (MA + 200 points)
Despicable Me [2010] (iTunes/ports)
Dredd (Vudu)
Expendables 4 (Vudu or iTunes)
Frozen 2 [2019] (MA + 200 points)
Gone Girl [2014] (iTunes/ports)
Guardians Of The Galaxy [2014] (MA + 200 points)
Halloween [2018] (MA)
Jungleland [2020] (iTunes)
Maleficent: Mistress Of Evil (MA + 200 points)
Scream [2022] (Vudu or iTunes)
Silent Night [2023] (Vudu or iTunes)
Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (Vudu or iTunes)
Tangled [2010] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Titanic [1997] (iTunes)

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$5 HD

Adventures Of Ichabod & Mr. Toad, The [1949] (MA + 150 points)
Banshee season 2 (iTunes)
Fear The Walking Dead season 2 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 4 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 5 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 6 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 7 (Vudu)
Five Nights At Freddy's [2023] (MA)
Groundhog Day [1993] + Stripes [1981] double feature (MA)
Hunchback Of Notre Dame, The [1996] (MA + 150 points)
Hunchback Of Notre Dame 2, The [2002] (MA + 150 points)
Lady & The Tramp II: Scamps Adventure [2001] (MA + 150 points)
Marvels, The [2023] (MA + 150 points)
Oppenheimer (MA)
Rob Zombie Trilogy [House Of 1,000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects [Unrated] & 3 From Hell [Unrated] (MA)
Silent Night, Deadly Night 3,4 & 5 (Vudu)
Veep season 5 (iTunes)
Veep season 6 (iTunes)

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$4 HD

300 Spartans, The (MA)
Barbie [2023] (MA)
BFG, The [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Color Purple, The [2023] (MA)
Drop, The [2014] (MA or Google Play/ports) PENDING
Fox & The Hound 2, The [2006] (MA + 150 points)
Lady & The Tramp [1955] (MA + 150 points)
Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken [2023] (MA)

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$3 Movies

$3 4K UHD

Aladdin [2019] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Angel Has Fallen (Vudu or iTunes)
Baywatch (Vudu)
Birth Of A Nation, The (iTunes/ports)
Bourne Identity, The [2002] (iTunes/ports)
Cabin In The Woods, The (Vudu)
Doctor Strange (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Frozen 2 [2019] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Guardians Of The Galaxy [2014] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Interstellar (iTunes)
Knives Out (Vudu or iTunes)
Logan Lucky [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Moana (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
mother! [2017] (iTunes)
Prometheus [2012] (iTunes/ports)
Robin Hood [2018] (Vudu)
Sicario (Vudu)
Spy Who Dumped Me, The (Vudu or iTunes)
Star Wars: The Last Jedi (MA + 200 points)
Thor: The Dark World (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Top Gun (iTunes)

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$3 HD

Adjustment Bureau, The (iTunes/ports)
Avatar: The Way Of Water (MA + 150 points)
Baby Driver [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, The (MA or Google Play/ports)
Birds Of Prey [2020] (MA)
Bloodshot [2020] (MA + Sony points)
Bridge Of Spies [2015] (MA + 150 points)
Call Me By Your Name (MA + Sony points)
Candyman: Day Of The Dead (Vudu or Google Play)
Cats & Dogs 3: Paws Unite (MA)
Desperation Road [2023 (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Disneynature: Bears [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Divergent Series Trilogy, The [Divergent, Insurgent & Allegiant] (Vudu or Google Play)
Equalizer 3, The [2023] (MA + Sony points)
Exorcist: Believer, The [2023] (MA)
Fast X [2023] (MA + Universal Rewards points)
Fruitvale Station (Vudu)
Glass [2019] (MA)
Goosebumps [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Grand Budapest Hotel, The (MA or Google Play/ports)
Grown Ups 2 (MA + Sony points)
Halloween Kills [2021] (MA)
Hocus Pocus (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Holmes & Watson [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Hundred Foot Journey, The [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Insidious: Chapter 3 (MA + Sony points)
Into The Woods [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (Vudu)
Killing Gunther (Vudu)
Lion King, The [1994] (MA + 150 points)
Little House On The Prairie season 5 (Vudu)
Midsommar [A24] (Vudu or Google Play)
Mindcage (Vudu or iTunes)
Money Monster [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Nurse Jackie season 7 (Vudu)
Orange Is The New Black season 1 (Vudu)
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (iTunes/ports)
Pete's Dragon [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Planes: Fire & Rescue [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Predator [1987] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Pride + Prejudice + Zombies [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Public Enemies [2009] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Punisher, The [2004] (Vudu or Google Play)
Queen Of Katwe [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Robin Hood [1973] (MA + 150 points)
Scoob! [2020] (MA)
Secret Life Of Pets 2, The [2019] (MA)
Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs [1937] (MA + 150 points)
Spider-Man: Into The Spiderverse (MA + Sony points)
Secret: Dare To Dream, The (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Super Mario Bros. Movie, The [2023] (MA)
Tyler Perry's Diary Of A Mad Black Woman [2005] (Vudu) PENDING
Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail (Vudu or Google Play)
Us [2019] (MA)
Vanishing, The [2019] (Vudu or Google Play)
Venture Bros: Radiant Is The Blood Of The Baboon Heart [2023] (MA)
Walking Dead season 9, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Walking Dead season 10, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Way Way Back, The [2013] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Whiplash [2014] (MA + Sony points)

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$2 Codes

💲2 HD

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi (iTunes 4K)
2 Guns [2013] (iTunes/ports 4K)
31 [2016] (Vudu)
3 From Hell [Unrated] (Vudu 4K or iTunes 4K)
About Last Night [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (MA)
Action Point [2018] (iTunes 4K)
Admission [2013] (iTunes/ports)
Adventures Of Tintin, The (Vudu or iTunes)
After Earth [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Age Of Adaline, The (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Alien Covenant (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Allied [2016] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Aloha [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Alpha [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Alpha & Omega 2: A Howl-lday Adventure (Vudu)
Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
American Girl: Isabelle Dances Into The Spotlight (MA)
American Hustle [2013] (MA + Sony points)
American Reunion [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (Vudu or iTunes)
Annie [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Arrival [2016] (Vudu)
Art Of Self-Defense, The [2019] (MA)
Assassin's Creed (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Atomic Blonde (MA)
Avengers: Infinity War (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Battleship [2012] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Baywatch (iTunes 4K)
Beauty & The Beast [2017] (MA + 150 points/iTunes option is expired)
Beguiled, The [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Beirut [2018] (MA)
Ben-Hur [2016] (Vudu)
Best Man Holiday, The [2013] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Blackhat [2015] (iTunes/ports)
Black Panther [2018] (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Bohemian Rhapsody (MA or Google Play/ports)
Book Club [2018] (iTunes 4K)
Boss Baby, The [2017] (MA)
Bourne Legacy, The (iTunes/ports 4K)
Boy, The [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Boyhood [2014] (iTunes)
Boy Next Door, The [2015] (iTunes/ports)
Breakthrough [2019] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Bridesmaids [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Broken City [2013] (MA)
Bumblebee (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Cabin In The Woods, The (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Captain America: Civil War (MA only/no points or iTunes option)
Captain Phillips [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (MA)
Case For Christ, The [2017] (MA)
Choice, The [2016] (Vudu or iTunes)
Company Of Heroes [2013] (MA)
Contraband (iTunes/ports)
Cowboys & Aliens [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Curse Of Chucky [2013] [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Daddy's Home (iTunes 4K)
Dark Tower, The [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Dead Again In Tombstone [2017] (MA)
Dead In Tombstone [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Dead Man Down [2013] (MA)
Deepwater Horizon (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Despicable Me 2 (iTunes/ports 4K)
Despicable Me 3 (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Devil's Due [2014] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Django Unchained (Vudu)
Downsizing (iTunes 4K)
Downton Abbey [2019] (MA)
Dracula Untold (iTunes/ports 4K)
Dragonheart 3: The Sorcerer's Curse (iTunes/ports)
Dredd [2012] (Vudu)
Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas [2000] (MA)
Duff, The (iTunes or Google Play)
Edward Scissorhands (MA or Google Play/ports)
Emoji Movie, The [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Ender's Game (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Epic [2013] (MA)
Equalizer, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Equalizer 2, The (MA + Sony points)
Escape From Planet Earth (Vudu)
Everest [2015] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Ex Machina (Vudu)
Exodus: Gods & Kings (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
F9: The Fast Saga [2021] [Theatrical & Extended] (MA + Universal Rewards points)
Fast & Furious [2009] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fast & The Furious, The [2001] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift, The (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fate Of The Furious [F8] [Theatrical] (MA 4K)
Fences [2016] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Fifty Shades Darker [2017] [Unrated] (MA 4K)
Fifty Shades Of Grey (iTunes/ports 4K)
Finding Dory (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Flight [2012] (Vudu or iTunes)
Fortress [2021] (Vudu or Google Play)
Frozen [2013] (iTunes/ports 4K+ 150 points)
Fury [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Game Of Thrones season 1 (iTunes)
Get Out [2017] (MA)
Ghost Team One [2013] (Vudu or iTunes)
Gifted [2017] (MA or Google Play/ports, iTunes option is expired)
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (iTunes 4K)
God Bless The Broken Road (Vudu or Google Play)
Gods Not Dead 2 [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Gods Of Egypt (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Great Wall, The [2017] (MA)
Grey, The [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol.2 (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Guilt Trip, The [2012] (Vudu)
Hacksaw Ridge (Vudu or Google Play/iTunes option expired)
Hail, Caesar [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Halloween [2018] (MA)
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters [Unrated] (Vudu or iTunes)
Hateful Eight, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Heat, The [2013] [Theatrical] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Hell Or High Water (Vudu or Google Play)
Hercules [2014] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Hitman's Bodyguard, The (Vudu or Google Play/iTunes option is expired)
Hobbs & Shaw [2019] (MA)
Home [2015] [DreamWorks] (MA)
Home Alone [1990] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Homefront [2013] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Honey 2 [2011] (MA or iTunes/ports)
How To Train Your Dragon 2 (MA)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The (Vudu)
I Am Wrath (Vudu)
Instant Family (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Internship, The [2013] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Invisible Man, The [1933] (MA)
I Still Believe [2020] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
It Follows [2015] (Vudu)
Jackass 3 [Theatrical] (Vudu or iTunes)
Jack Reacher (Vudu)
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (Vudu)
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (iTunes 4K)
Jason Bourne [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K)
John Henry [2020] (Vudu)
John Wick (iTunes 4K)
John Wick 1 & 2 (Vudu or Google Play)
John Wick: Chapter 2 (iTunes 4K)
John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum (iTunes 4K) or all 3 for $5
Joy [2015] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle (MA + Sony points)
Jurassic World (iTunes/ports 4K)
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (MA)
Justice [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Kick-Ass 2 [2013] (MA)
Kidnap [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Killer Elite (iTunes/ports)
Kingsman: The Golden Circle (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Kingsman: The Secret Service (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Last Knights [2015] (Vudu)
Last Vegas [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Last Witch Hunter, The [2015] (iTunes 4K or Google Play)
Let's Be Cops [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Life [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Life Of Pi (iTunes/ports 4K)
Lockout [2012] [Unrated] (MA + Sony points)
Logan [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Lone Survivor [2013] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Longest Ride, The (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Lorax, The [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Love, Simon [2018] (MA)
Lucy [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Maleficent (iTunes/ports 4K + 150 points)
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again [2018] (MA)
Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom (Vudu)
Man With The Iron Fists, The [2012] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Marauders (Vudu)
Martian, The [2015] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Mary Poppins [1964] (MA + 150 points)
Maze Runner, The [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Maze Runner: The Death Cure [2018] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Mechanic: Resurrection (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Men In Black 3 (MA + Sony points)
MI-5 [2015] (Vudu)
Mile 22 (iTunes 4K)
Mindgamers [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Minions [2015] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Miracles From Heaven (MA + Sony points)
Mission Impossible: Fallout (iTunes 4K)
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (iTunes 4K)
Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Moms’ Night Out [2014] (MA)
Monuments Men, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Mortal Engines [2018] (MA)
Mortal Instruments: The City Of Bones, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Mother's Day [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Mountain Between Us, The [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Mummy, The [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Murder On The Orient Express [2017] (MA or Google Play/ports)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (iTunes/ports)
Neighbors [2014] (iTunes/ports)
Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Noah [2014] (Vudu)
Non-Stop [2014] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Norm Of The North (Vudu or iTunes)
Now You See Me 2 (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Nut Job, The [2014] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Oblivion [2013] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Ouija [2014] (MA)
Overlord [2018] (Vudu)
Oz: The Great & Powerful (MA + 100 points)
Paddington (Vudu)
Pain & Gain [2013] (Vudu or iTunes)
Paranormal Activity [2009] [Theatrical] (iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 2 [Unrated Director's Cut] (Vudu or iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 3 [Extended] (Vudu or iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 4 [Unrated] (iTunes)
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones [Theatrical] (iTunes)
Passengers [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Percy Jackson: Sea Of Monsters (MA or Google Play/ports)
Pet Sematary [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Philomena (Vudu)
Pitch Perfect (iTunes/ports 4K)
Playing With Fire (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Predator, The [2018] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Project Almanac (iTunes)
Prometheus (MA or Google Play/ports, no iTunes option)
Proud Mary [2018] (MA)
Purge: Anarchy, The (iTunes/ports 4K)
Quiet Place, A [2018] (iTunes 4K)
Ralph Breaks The Internet (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Red Dawn [2012] (Vudu or Google Play)
Redemption [2013] (Vudu)
Replicas [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Riddick [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Rings [2017] (Vudu)
R.I.P.D. Rest In Peace Department (iTunes/ports 4K)
Rise Of The Guardians [2011] (MA)
Risen [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Robin Hood [2018] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Rock Dog (iTunes)
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (iTunes/ports 4K + 150 points)
Roman J. Israel, Esq [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Rush [2013] (MA)
Saban's Power Rangers (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Safe House [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Savages [2012] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption (iTunes/ports)
Secret Life Of Pets, The (MA 4K or iTunes/ports 4K)
Secret Life Of Walter Mitty, The (MA or Google Play/ports, iTunes option is expired)
Seventh Son [2015] (iTunes/ports)
Sex Tape [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Shack, The [2017] (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Show Dogs [2018] (MA)
Silver Linings Playbook (Vudu or Google Play)
Sing [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Sinister (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Sisters [2015] [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Skyscraper [2018] (MA)
Sleepless [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Sparkle [2012] (MA)
Spider-Man 2 [2004] [Theatrical & Extended] (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: Homecoming [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: No Way Home [2021] (MA + Sony points)
Split [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K or MA HD)
Spy [2015] [Unrated] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Star Trek [2009] (iTunes 4K)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Step Up All In [2014] (Vudu)
Step Up Revolution (Vudu or Google Play)
Straight Outta Compton [Unrated] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Super 8 (Vudu)
Super Buddies (MA without points)
Taken 3 [Unrated] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles [2014] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Terminator: Genisys (iTunes 4K)
The Night Before [2015] (MA + Sony points)
This Is The End [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Top Five [2014] (iTunes)
Top Gun (Vudu)
Total Recall [2012] [Theatrical & Director's Cut] (MA + Sony points)
Tower Heist [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Tremors: A Cold Day In Hell (MA)
True Blood season 4 (iTunes)
True Grit [2010] (Vudu or iTunes)
Tyler Perry's Acrimony (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Tyler Perry's A Madea Family Funeral (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (iTunes 4K)
Uncle Drew [2018] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Underworld: Blood Wars (MA + Sony points)
Vendetta [2016] (Vudu)
Venom [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Walk Among The Tombstones, A (iTunes/ports)
Walking With Dinosaurs: The Movie (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
War Room [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Why Him? [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Wolf Of Wall Street, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Woman In Black, The [2012] (MA)
Wonder [2017] (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Wonder Park [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Woodlawn [2015] (MA or iTunes/ports)
X-Men: Apocalypse (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
X-Men: Days Of Future Past (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Your Highness [2011] [Unrated] (iTunes/ports)
Zootopia (MA without points)

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💲2 SD

127 Hours (iTunes/ports)
12 Rounds [2009] [Extreme Cut] (iTunes/ports)
Aliens In The Attic (iTunes/ports)
Amelia (iTunes/ports)
Beasts Of The Southern Wild (iTunes/ports)
Black Swan (iTunes/ports)
Date Night [Unrated Extended Edition] (iTunes/ports)
Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears A Who! (ITunes/ports)
In Time [2011] (iTunes/ports)
Jumper [2008] (iTunes/ports)
Percy Jackson double feature [Lightning Thief & Sea of Monsters] (MA)
Ramona & Beezus (iTunes/ports)
Street Kings (iTunes/ports)
Three Stooges: The Movie, The [2012] (iTunes/ports)
Unstoppable [2010] (iTunes/ports)

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$1 Codes

💲1 HD

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi (Vudu)
2 Guns (MA)
Alex Cross (Vudu)
Bad Grandpa [Theatrical] (Vudu or iTunes)
Bad Moms (iTunes/ports)
Battleship [2012] (MA)
Big Hero 6 (Google Play/ports)
Book Club (Vudu)
Bourne Legacy, The (MA)
Bring It On: Worldwide Cheersmack [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Deadpool (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Divergent (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Divergent Series: Insurgent, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Duff, The [2015] (Vudu)
Dying Of The Light (Vudu)
Everest [2015] (MA)
Expendables 2, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Expendables 3, The [Theatrical] (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Fast & Furious [2009] (MA)
Fast & Furious 6, The [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fast & The Furious, The [2001] (MA)
Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift, The (MA)
Fast Five [Extended] (MA)
Fate Of The Furious, The [8] [Theatrical or Extended] (MA)
Fault In Our Stars, The [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Frozen: Sing Along Edition (MA without points)
Furious 7 [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Ghost In The Shell [2017] (Vudu)
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (Vudu)
Girls Trip [2017] (MA)
Good Day To Die Hard, A [2012] [Extended] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Hidden Figures [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Hillsong: Let Hope Rise [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Hugo (Vudu)
Hunger Games, The [2012] (iTunes 4K)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The (Vudu)
Huntsman: Winter's War, The [2016] [Extended] (MA)
Identity Thief [2013] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
I, Frankenstein (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Inside Out [2015] (Google Play/ports)
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (Vudu)
Jason Bourne (MA)
Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain (Vudu)
Leprechaun: Origins (Vudu)
Les Misérables [2012] (MA)
Let's Be Cops [2014] (MA only/no iTunes option)
Lucy (MA)
Mission Impossible: Fallout (Vudu)
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (Vudu)
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (Vudu) or both for $2.50
Now You See Me [Extended] (Vudu or iTunes)
Parental Guidance [2012] (MA)
Perks Of Being A Wallflower, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Pitch Perfect (MA)
Quiet Place, A [2018] (Vudu)
Red 2 (Vudu)
Ride Along 2 (MA)
RIPD Rest In Peace Department (MA)
Safe [2012] (Vudu or Google Play)
Secret Life Of Pets, The (MA)
Selma (iTunes)
Skyfall (Vudu or Google Play)
Snitch (iTunes 4K or Vudu/Google Play HD)
Star Trek: Beyond (Vudu)
Star Trek: Into Darkness (iTunes 4K)
Taken 2 (MA or Google Play/ports)
Ted [Unrated] (MA) or [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Terminator: Genisys (Vudu)
Transformers: Age Of Extinction (iTunes 4K)
Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (Vudu)
Trolls [2017] (MA)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (iTunes 4K)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection (iTunes)
Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions Of A Marriage Counselor (Vudu or Google Play)
Unbroken [2014] (MA)
Warm Bodies (Vudu)
What To Expect When You're Expecting (iTunes)
World War Z (Vudu)
Zootopia (Google Play/ports)

🦝

💲1 SD

21 Jump Street (MA + Sony points)
Act Of Valor (iTunes)
After Earth [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Alpha [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Amazing Spider-Man 2, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
American Hustle [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Bad Boys For Life [2020] (MA + Sony points)
Big Mommas Like Father, Like Son (iTunes/ports)
Captain Phillips (MA + Sony points)
Charlie's Angels [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Concussion [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Dirty 30 (Vudu)
Dog's Way Home, A [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Equalizer, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Equalizer 2, The (MA + Sony points)
Evil Dead [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Family, The [2013] (iTunes)
Forbidden Kingdom, The (iTunes)
Glee: The Concert (iTunes/ports)
Goosebumps 2 [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Grown Ups 2 (MA + Sony points)
Hangover, The [2009] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Haywire (iTunes)
Heat, The [2013] (iTunes/ports SD)
Here Comes The Boom [2012] (MA + Sony points)
Hotel Transylvania 3 (MA + Sony points)
Hours [2013] (Vudu)
Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (iTunes/ports)
Immortals [2011] (iTunes)
Insidious: Chapter 3 (MA + Sony points)
Insidious: The Last Key (MA + Sony points)
Insidious: The Red Door [2023] (MA + Sony points)
Interview, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Journey To Bethlehem [2023] (MA + Sony points)
Jumanji: The Next Level (MA + Sony points)
Knight & Day (iTunes/ports)
Looper (MA + Sony points)
Men In Black III [2012] (MA + Sony points)
Mirror Mirror [2012] (iTunes)
Mortal Instruments: The City Of Bones (MA + Sony points)
Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian (iTunes/ports)
Once Upon A Time In Hollywood [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Olympus Has Fallen (MA + Sony points)
Orange Is The New Black season 1 (Vudu)
Overcomer [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Parker [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (iTunes/ports)
Perfect Guy, The [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Perks Of Being A Wallflower, The (iTunes SD only)
Peter Rabbit [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Pixels [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Predators [2010] (iTunes/ports)
Public Enemies [2009] (iTunes/ports)
Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (iTunes/ports)
Robin Hood [2010] [Unrated] (iTunes/ports)
Safe Haven (iTunes)
Scoob [2020] (MA)
Shallows, The [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Sicario: Day Of The Soldado (MA + Sony points)
Sparkle [2012] (MA)
Spider-Man: Far From Home [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: Into The Spiderverse (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: No Way Home [2021] (MA + Sony points)
Star, The [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Still Alice [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Taken [2009] [Extended Cut] (iTunes/ports)
Thousand Words, A [2012] (Vudu)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Vudu SD only or iTunes SD only)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Tough Love (Vudu)
Underworld: Awakening (MA + Sony points)
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (MA + Sony points)
Vow, The [2012] (MA + Sony points)
When The Bough Breaks (MA + Sony points)
Zombieland: Double Tap (MA + Sony points)

🦝

Super Cheap SD & HD Codes

All movies are 3 for $1 each/must spend at least $1 on total order.
Cabin In The Woods, The (Vudu SD only)
Croods, The (iTunes/ports SD)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (iTunes/ports SD)
Expendables 2, The (Vudu SD only or iTunes SD only)
Expendables 3, The [Unrated] (iTunes HD only)
Fast & Furious 6 [Extended] (MA ports HD)
Fast Five [Extended] (iTunes/ports HD)
Furious 7 [Extended] (MA ports HD)
Hunger Games, The (Vudu SD or iTunes SD only)
Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The (Vudu HD only)
John Wick 3 (Google Play HD only)
Jurassic World (MA ports HD)
Life Of Pi (iTunes/ports SD)
Mechanic: Resurrection (Vudu SD only)
Now You See Me 2 (Vudu SD only)
Star Trek: Into Darkness (Vudu HD only)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Google Play/ports HD)
Transformers: Age Of Extinction (Vudu HD only)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Vudu SD only)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (Vudu SD only)

The 3 basic parameters of hashtag #Valzubiriagenda:

1. We artists and everyone else can write and self-publish art- and artist-related books: memoirs, biographies, art books and art catalogs. Books are forever. Pamphlets and brochures are not books.
2. We announce a schedule of increasing prices of our art pieces, which includes quantities (scarcity numbers) per price point and overall (the total quantity of art pieces we might ever make). This helps art traders, art investors and art collectors speculate or even stop speculating and instead join a community of investors working together to hopefully skyrocket to the higher announced prices in a shorter span of time.
3. We can use the NFT world, because NFTs provide the tracking (who owns what) and trading.

We can also not be involved with NFTs. Stores and individuals can help sell art using online presence and our catalogs in the stores. If this trends, or once this trends, even expensive art can be sold by neighboring businesses, without exclusivity. Commission systems do not have to be standardized. Art investors can produce their own catalogs to leave at the cafés. Even the cafés can produce their own catalogs.
Valzubiriagenda NFTs
NFTs only came about a few years ago. But I had been working on this since the 1990s. I wrote a book, Valzubiriagenda, along with fellow artist Silverio Perez, and released it in 2018 (Amazon and elsewhere), tackling everything related to #1 & #2. We'll come up with #3 in a later book/ memoi marketing book.
Any artist, including tangible artists can release 10,000 NFTs if the artist chooses to do so. For tangible artists, the NFT first becomes an Art Commission Contract for sight unseen, yet-to-be made art. Once the art is made, the NFT becomes proof of ownership that the actual, tangible art is theirs.
Warehousing our tangible art
Another related idea is that the tangible art may be warehoused by the artist so that the NFT traders continue to trade. This means that even 10-ton 10-foot tall sculptures can be owned and traded by anyone without worrying about shipping, reshipping, scratches, smudges, parts breaking off, etc. The newness of the pieces remain because they are stored by the artist, source, gallery, etc. The art piece gets shipped to the art collector, the ultimate owner.
An artist who makes ceramic coffee mugs - smaller art pieces, can release 10,000 NFTs with a schedule of increasing prices so that NFT traders can trade immediately. The 10,000 coffee mugs can get damaged, so as they are made, they continue to be stored by the artist, until the time when art collectors decide to have the art pieces shipped to them.
Why only now?
I decided to write as many book-length memoirs as I can before I came out to promote this.
I'm an artist and an author. Both need time to "master." I would not even fully use "master" on myself, because there's always something new, even to my own art, my own writing and publishing.

I am now claiming that I'm the visual artist who has produced the most artist memoirs in the world. I have 5 on Amazon. I count Valzubiriagenda as both a marketing book and a memoir-of-sorts, because it has a lot of my own life lessons on writing and publishing. I would not care to contest my claim of having the most memoirs. I will release 5 more over the next 3 years.

BARTER! Get help to write, photograph art and publish your books!
Anyone can hire 11 ghostwriters for 11 memoirs. If you can make art, but you cannot write, then barter your forever art with those who can help you produce forever books.
I don't feel the pressure of writing and publishing because I feel my focus should be on art students and art experts who would study my art and my books 100 years from now. Don't expect relatives and friends to read your books.
I call myself the Dollman
For my NFTs, I am proposing to make dioramas - my original, costumed, bejeweled porcelain dolls in backdrops that will also have precious metals and gemstones. This way I can incorporate precious metals and gemstones in my work, to make sure that people perceive my art as expensive, just in case I myself don't become "famous" - there's no need to get world famous. We are artists and all we need to do is to satisfy the art niche.
Use your laptop now!
I will encourage you to start writing your book-length memoir. Write, Edit and then Self-publish it. Get help. Why wait a hundred years for someone to write about you when all you need is a laptop and a nearby coffee shop.
Don't start counting chickens before the eggs hatch. I have encountered a lot of would-be writers who immediately see themselves as bestselling. world famous assets to society. Two even wanted me to sign NDAs (Nondisclosure agreements), because they did not want me to steal their book ideas.
Here's a suggestion. I would not personally do it. From one manuscript can come 2 books: The Original Draft (unedited, with misspellings, considered to be an art piece, scanned pages(?) of your handwritten original effort), and The Final Edition (edited).
PROVENANCE!
Another way to enhance our investability, tradability and collectability is PROVENANCE - how art ownership proceeds through time. The way this can be done is also through publishing books. Everyone can write their memoirs, biographies, art books and art catalogs, including traders, investors and art collectors. In effect, we artists can continue to be included or mentioned in even more books, without any additional effort by us.
You as an investor, reseller, trader, art collector should be able to publish a catalog with 250 works by 250 different artists, but they need to agree to this right from the start - it's your money, you should require them to follow your version of the hashtag #valzubiriagenda parameters, which preferably should include permission for you to publish their art. Why would you track down 250 artists later?
No exclusive contracts
If you're a café, you can call for artists, and come up with a book with for example, 30 artists, with a chapter devoted to each artist's profile and images of the artist's art.
You can distribute your catalogs to businesses and individuals near and far and online.
The book Valzubiriagenda even cites that funeral homes and janitors closets can sell art, with or without exclusivity. Airline catalogs can include million dollar art pieces. Car manufacturers, showrooms and even car repair shops can sell art as well. Everyone should be able to do this, anywhere in the world, especially not just because of the pandemic, but right now, we are in really bad economies.
What's with the name #Valzubiriagenda
I was into conspiracy theories in 2018, and this term, "The Mandela Effect," was popular. I had read many times that an artist coined the term, but I had to research online, for her name, many times, before remembering it. I'm not good at remembering names. It took me a year and a half to finally tell you that Fiona Broome coined "The Mandela Effect."
I also thought I might have to research trademarks and copyrights just to come up with a generic name. So I decided on "Valzubiriagenda." I was not really sure at first, but I decided to use it as the title for my book (with co-authoartist Silverio Perez) so that there would be no turning back and I can move on.
Am I a FUTURIST?
Someone I recently met this May 2022 just called me a futurist.
In the 1990s, I proposed to a pension fund that they can raise billions of dollars, especially for emergencies, or as needed, or out of desperation, if the pension fund purchases a quantity of art from an artist who not only has a current, reasonable price, but an announced future price that the artist wants to reach.
That future price would obviously be higher than the current price. The art commission contract for multiple art pieces can be taken to the fund's financial lender for a loan. The higher future price can be used for financing purposes.
The pension fund's treasurer, a publicly elected official, said this idea might work, but we had to keep this a secret and discuss this some more, because other pension funds might copy and do this prematurely. This idea had to come from the two of us. The treasurer needed his votes and I needed credentials.
Added into the pot was my idea that I, as the artist, will also write one book-length artist memoir. This was and still is a strong factor, because the leadership and marketing books I had read then mentioned a strong tip. If you want to advance in your field, write a full-length book that is related to the field.
Unfortunately, the elected official, the treasurer of the pension fund, who was also a friend, passed away - he was old and had ailments. At that point in time, I cannot just approach another pension fund treasurer to share this idea with.
I realized I had to write a few memoirs. I needed to set an example for other artists, so I needed to write more than one memoir. Then I felt I should also make ready another book - the how-to of what I'm up to. I wrote Valzubiriagenda, which was a memoir of sorts. I knew how long it would take me to write a book, so I had to make sure I can also consider this book a memoir.
In 2008, I imagined that someone like Bernie Madoff, or a fund like Lehman Brothers, would be desperate enough to use this to save themselves and their companies. I was not ready. I had only written 1 manuscript for a memoir.
In 2012, I released Dollman the Musical, A Memoir of an Artist as a Dollmaker. Once again, I was not ready because writing it depressed me a little, and I knew I had to write more.
In 2014, I released 3 memoirs, and re-released Dollman the Musical. Besides releasing regular books, I released special editions of the 4 books, which had a "Special Secret Insert for Bankers," which explains my ideas of an announced schedule of exponentially increasing prices, to satisfy investors, and the publication of artist memoirs, to satisfy art collectors.
In 2014, I also issued out a press release. Google "Can Billion Dollar Artist Save Investors and World Economy Valentino Zubiri PRWeb August 19 2014" and you will see the press release.
What I did was stake a claim on my ideas. I did not promote my books and the press release. I just wanted them to stay online, like a sleeping giant or a dormant volcano. I even designed 3 of the book covers to look like indie books from the 1980s. I was planting the seeds, thinking they will eventually grow and bear fruit in the future.
In 2015, I was interviewed by Richard Syrett, about one of my memoirs, Hocus Pocus Lately. This book is my memoir with paranormal stories. I could have pursued promoting my paranormal stories, but I wanted to be known first as a visual artist and memoirist, so I allowed myself one interview related to Hocus Pocus Lately. Richard Syrett has(had?) his own syndicated radio show, The Conspiracy Show with Richard Syrett, about the paranormal. He also guest hosts on Coast to Coast AM, another internationally syndicated show about the paranormal.
In 2018, I released Valzubiriagenda (co-authored by artist Silverio Perez, a fellow artist). Finally, this book is "the how-to of what I'm to."
I'm going to end this with some strangeness. In 1986, a lady at a religious gathering went into a trance and left a good number of messages. Supposedly, anyone who got into a trance would have messages, but once the trance was over, the person would not remember what was said.
I was not part of the group, but the lady turned her head to face me. She "foretold" that whatever I would decide to do in the future, it will take time, but it will be the right thing. This is one of my stories in one of my memoirs, Hocus Pocus Lately.
The Tulipmania of 1634-37
I discovered that there was this incident of rare tulips becoming collectible during the Dutch Golden Age. There were tulips so rare and so well-desired that their prices equaled to that of a house. You can read more about this online (Wikipedia) or watch a few YouTube videos about it.
Here is the most useful idea that I gleaned from the Tulipmania. The tulip bulbs remained safe inside nurseries. The traders were carrying the deeds of ownership to the tulip bulbs.
Then NFTs came to the forefront
I started learning PHP, an HTML scripting language, and MySQL, the database that PHP can connect to in the background, in 1999, when there were only 3 books about PHP and MySQL at the bookstores.
By 2014, I was trying to figure out how to make the "ledger," or database that can be used to update ownership and who can be contacted. If we are trading art, then the art ownership should be updated.
Then NFTs came about. This can be used as our ledger. Everyone can immediately trade NFTs of future, yet-to-be made art pieces, especially because it takes time to make tangible art.
NFTs actually went a step ahead, by allowing digital art to be traded.
The only setback with NFTs, in my opinion, is that it still lacks a commission system for resellers and representatives.
For example, if a café wants to represent me, then they can promote me at their café and on their online pages. If I make one piece of art that will be exclusively represented by a gallery, then that commission will be different and more specific. As ownership is transferred, the subsequent owners should be able to reset the commission. We should also have the option of giving commissions to hundreds of representatives at one time with different percentages if need be.
The recent crypto crash
Lately, we have observed that NFTs and cryptocurrencies have been behaving like the stock market and other markets. They have been fluctuating.
I believe that it is time for a trend which discourages fluctuation of prices.
I have also seen YouTube videos where social influencers are encouraging us to be on the lookout for exponentially profitable ventures, because we have all seen this happen with the exponential increase of Bitcoin and Ethereum.
Let's see if #Valzubiriagenda trends
We can announce present and future art prices. The galleries won't do this (yet?) because they follow a more traditional approach to the business of art.
We have a choice of using incrementally or exponentially increasing prices. We still reserve the right to change things in the future, so everyone should know to follow the latest update.
If this trends, if you as an artist simply announces that you will write an artist memoir, or that you will include the future works in future art books, you might have more art traders, investors and collectors approaching you.
Get your pen, paper and calculator
Imagine yourself as an artist, where you are right now. Let's just say you still do not have a book about yourself and your art yet. Imagine now that you have a memoir out there. Don't you think it makes sense to charge more than what you are charging now? Writing and publishing books is just the beginning. I'm just standardizing this approach. The books also say to do other related projects. In my case, getting Dollman the Musical onstage is one idea. You will have other related projects, but the publication of memoirs, biographies, art books and art catalogs will help all of us.
You can also imagine that a law firm that has meeting rooms, with someone who wants to form a local #valzubiriagenda group, can have meetings. A local café can do the same. Local photographers for your art, writers, editors, book designers, proofreaders and others can join in.
I suggest have printed books to share. 15 copies of your memoir or art books will be better than an e-reader or laptop or your phone to show. These gadgets can be stolen, sabotaged, broken, have coffee spilled on them, etc. 15 printed books means simultaneously showing to 15 people. You can even give them away to potential resellers, investors, traders and collectors.
When it rains, it pours, as in the days of Noah
There's a saying, "When it rains, it pours." There is a negative interpretation and a positive interpretation.
Negative: When trouble comes, they cascade to even more.
Positive: When opportunity comes knocking, more follow suit. We can assume that if one gets our art because of #valzubiriagenda, more want to do it now, because of the rising prices, and FOMO - fear of missing out. What will they lose if they miss the boat?
As I have said earlier, if the #valzubiriagenda trends, if you announce a future memoir or art catalog, you might have an increase of investors, traders and art collectors who would want to check you out. You might encourage more sales. Just remember to write and publish that memoir and art catalog.
There's this saying, "As in the days of Noah." Imagine Noah, building his ark, with members of his own family, putting all his time and effort into it. Noah was a nice guy. I'm sure every once in a while a neighbor offered him coffee, or chai latte, or whatever refreshing drink they might have back then.
Here's the lesson to be learned. Just because they offered him some type of bubble tea drink, or coca cola, they still didn't make it to the ark. Rubbing shoulders with actors does not make you an actor. I have told my artist friends to write their memoirs. They told me that once they see me succeed, after all these many years of seeing my seemingly useless efforts, then they will write their memoirs and follow the road that I had paved for them.
Good luck to them, but if I were you, act now, get my art or make art. Support the 5-year old artist whose parent promised to release a comprehensive art catalog. If you get that 5-year old's art, and mine, I would be honored to be in the same art catalog that you will produce. I'm already successful at that point. You have gotten the mission just right.
I have already claimed to have written the most book-length artist memoirs in the world. Dethrone that claim. Barter. Use ghostwriters. Success to me means facing God one day and saying, I wrote my memoirs and left the world a legacy of books and art. I will not tell God, smiling and proudly, that I encouraged a run for my art by announcing a schedule of exponentially increasing prices that reached 9 figures. I'm sure God knows we had fun.

JOIN THIS GROUP

If you want to try out #valzubiriagenda, in any capacity, join this group. Let others know about this group as well.
If you are an artist, you can let everyone know here that you will produce your memoir, art catalogs, etc. It's okay if you don't know how to go about publishing yet, I will discuss this. Please be honorable enough to produce what you promise to produce.
If you want to meet fellow artists, investors, resellers, etc., join us here.
If you are a book writer, editor, proofreader; if you can photograph art pieces; if you are a book designer, etc., join us here. Let us know if you charge, barter for art, or both.
If you have your own tips and knowledge to share, join us here.
If you have underaged artists you are managing (parents, etc.) join us here.
Join this group if you want to sell works. Post your works. You web links. I'm sure I will.
You can announce meetings in your area. You might have meeting rooms, a café, restaurant, etc. where people can meet. In the future, you can have the regular show and tell, where books can be shown and shared.
​
Thanks for reading. Please let me know if I need to edit some parts. Please share and join this group. - Valentino Zubiri, Dollman, Artist, Memoirist
Underaged artists are welcome here, so please be mindful of your language. We cannot post your adult-oriented art pieces, but you can direct us to a separate page or community. There will be limits to your posts, and there will be adult-oriented art that we cannot allow to be posted.
Thanks for reading. Please let me know if I need to edit some parts. Please share and join this group. - Valentino Zubiri, Dollman, artist & memoirist

I miss how my girlfriend was before she lost her older brother two weeks ago. And the worst thing, with grief, it always takes a while… as right after the funeral, she seemed to be her usual self for a few days, but lately, it almost feels like she is gone from my life.
As the days went on, the physical intimacy also got less and less - at first refusing sex, then cuddles, and then even holding hands… with random moments when she’d be physically affectionate, that became more and more fleeting as time went on.
We went back to her home country for the funeral for a week’s time, and now she changed her mind and said she needs space to deal with her grief, whereas we were supposed to stay together after our trip for the weekend. So I gave her space, and of course will keep checking in on her regularly to make sure she is okay.
She also recently doesn’t want to talk about feelings, and it literally feels like I’ve lost her on both, and emotional and also physical level. She did react positively when I told her that I want her to have that space and spend the weekend having some alone time which she didn’t manage to have since her brother’s death, but it is scary.
She says she loves me and wants to see me soon, but I know that if I now went up to her and tried to show affection, that wouldn’t work. I also miss her usual smiles and good mood and company - after the death, I literally feel like she also ceased to be on the inside. The most upsetting bit is that we never fought, our relationship was lovely. As close to perfect as it can get, despite there obviously being some differences.
I do feel her pain and immensely commiserate with her and the entire family, plus she also knows what her parents are going through, so it’s all very understandable to me, but I am worried because I don’t know what will be tomorrow regarding us.
Losing her would be painful for me, and I just wanted to vent here…

Being totally true to the original game, we would actually add these a week and half into the game after everyone had just been making up their troop numbers. What follows is a slightly modified form of the rules that were on the original wiki.

Code of Chivalry

YOU MUST READ THROUGH THESE RULES IF YOU WISH TO PARTICIPATE IN THE SUBREDDIT! THEY ARE VITAL TO KEEPING THE SUBREDDIT FUNCTIONING IN THE MOST IDEAL MANNER!

1) Time

• Time in /westerospowers does not progress at the same rate as IRL. For more effective interaction, it is sped up.
  
• 1 day IRL = 2 months in WP
  
• Like in /worldpowers, Sunday is not counted in WP, this is a day off where houses can post [NEWS] for the week relating to their holding. [EVENTS] cannot be created, nor [CONFLICTS]. Basically, no action other than [NEWS], [CLAIM] or [META] can take place on Sunday. In your post, put the WP time, not IRL time (for example) : 4 months . (this would be 2 days IRL)
  

2) Claiming

You can claim a holdfast and a house/faction, which will give you dominion over it's adjoining lands. For example; House Baratheon and Storm's End, or Vaes Dothrak and the Dothraki Sea. There cannot be more than one of each house, unless an agreement has been reached, and then no more than two. The two must also be easily distinguishable (i.e. Stannis/Renly Baratheon).
Click here to see what can and can't be claimed.

• When you claim, use the [CLAIM] tag and state the house and holdfast in your title, and then use the description to tell us what you want your style to be (e.g. Kingslayer, Lion of the Rock, Red Viper, Mother of Dragons).
  
• Once you claim a holdfast, we will do the best we can to quickly get it on the Claimed List. Remember, we fuck up too, so feel free to message the mods.
  
• You may abandon your holdfast at any point in the game and claim another one. However, you will only be able to do so again after 1 month.
  
• ORGANIZATIONS NOT MENTIONED IN THE LIST ARE NOT AVAILABLE CLAIMS. It doesn't matter if they exist in the ASOIAF universe, you cannot claim the Faceless Men or Sellsword Company #91238 if they're not listed.
  

3) Wiki

• Once you claim a holdfast, we will make a wiki page for you. Make sure to include your title and , a brief description of your house, your prominent laws and regulations, and any alliances, or allegiances you have.
  
• Example, The Citadel
  
• Please update your wiki, it makes it easier when people want to find out about your house for alliances/fealty etc.
  

4) Etiquette

POSTS
DO

• Use a tag: [CLAIM], [EVENT], [EXPANSION], [CONFLICT], [NEWS], or [META].
  
• Announce anything important, agreements, events, and make decrees. Celebrate or commiserate occasions, such as marriage contracts, welcoming a new sworn sword, mourning a death, completing construction, weddings, funerals, etc.
  

DO NOT

• Be stupid. Play the game of thrones, be patient, forge alliances, and don't unveil your moves until it's too late. Open war is not always the most feasible option. .

.

5) Duel

[DUEL] will be used for starting duels. A duel will consist of a 1v1 battle between two characters. Each belligerent will post a role playing story of the last few minutes before the fight begins. The "home team" gets to make the first post so they can describe the location of the duel. The stories will be voted upon and the post with the most upvotes (not overall score because we're ignoring downvotes) will win. The winner will then post a [DUEL - RESOLVED] post that describes the fight. If a stories score doubles (minimum winner score 4) the other's the winner may kill the loser. Otherwise, all duels end with a capture or injury.

6) Conflict

It is natural that houses will wish to attack other houses for land and resources, or simply to keep things interesting. This is fine, but it is wise to consider diplomacy before calling the banners.

How do I create a Conflict?

• Make a post using the [Conflict - Rally] tag declaring that you are rallying your allies. This step will be used for a lord to call his allies to rally on him for a coming battle. Any lords that wish to participate in a coming battle must respond to this post (with the amount of troops rallied) in order to be counted in the battle. Any forces that were loaned to a lord by an [Event] post can be rallied by the loanee. The opposing side in the conflict should create their own rally post. You can still choose to stand down from a rally.

[Conflict - Rally] The Riverlands call forth their banners against the false King!

• If you wish to betray those who think you allies, Rally as normal for your supposed allies. Then send a message to the moderators with a [Conflict - Betrayal] tag. The mod will take your forces into account on the correct side.
  
• When at least 24 IRL hours have passed since one of the Rallies, you may then commit your forces using a [CONFLICT - COMMIT]. This signals the attack; defenders can not commit. This sets the number of troops that will be on each side to whomever has rallied on each side. If one side does not create a Rally post it is assumed that they use their full local forces (i.e. those still in the holdfast). A mod will then create the next post.
  

[CONFLICT-COMMIT] MyHouse attacks ThatHouse

• If you wish to retire from the field (i.e. if diplomacy succeeds or if you do not want to do battle), please create a [Rally - Release] post. This will count as your troops leaving the field, and neither army will be able to attack after that post has been made. Of course, if you retreat while defending a holdfast, the attackers can freely take it.

How does a conflict end?

• Whichever team of countries has the most points from battles wins. If the loser does not surrender then the battle continues. If the conflict lasts for the full 6 days IRL, then the loser must agree to a fully unconditional surrender.
  
• Another way for a conflict to end is if the attacker calls off the conflict or if the holdfast invaded surrenders or they both come up with a peaceful treaty to end the war.
  

What happens after a Conflict where a winner is declared at the end?

• The losing ruler has two options:

a) The less honourable course: They may rule their holdfast under the authority of the winner by pledging fealty, and becoming vassals. This means they must give their allegiance to the winning house. However, the loser can plot to overthrow the winner, but obviously must find the support to do it. The victor lays claim to the conquered land. The losing ruler still has control of the land, however, will be under control of the victor and will need to report to the victor as the victor may veto any decision the losing ruler makes
b) The honourable way: They may be destroyed by the winning house, root and stem. The losing house will be completely eradicated. The disputed lands will go to the winning house.
If a person's house has been eradicated (i.e. House Reyne), they may claim a new one after 7 days.

6) Expansion

General Guidelines

Because we recognize the reality that houses are going to want to annex unclaimed holdfasts for more land, we are making imperialism to a certain degree allowed.

• YOU CANNOT ANNEX WHOLE COUNTRIES! This doesn't include small islands. We will only allow territories or regions, like Winterfell taking White Harbour.
  
• Small regions are eligible for imperialism, but if your annexation of territory starts to become unreasonable, we will force you to renounce your annexation or just delete your post. Please try to keep it to a reasonable size.
  
• If you claimed a small region at first and want to annex another, message the mods. We will evaluate your request and see if you can take control of another small area.
  
• If you try to claim the entire North, you are going to have a bad time! Be reasonable and realistic, only take over small regions.
  
• Any region that is under the control of a claimed holdfast (read: imperialized) cannot be taken over by someone else.
  
• If you win a war against a house with imperialized territories, the conflict rules apply to the territories as well (refer back to War).
  
• Abandoned/revoked holdfasts belong to the liege lord. If no new player tries to claim them in 3 days, the liege lord is free to give them away. If there's no liege lord, the city/castle will become available in the claim list.
  

How to Imperialize

If you are declaring an annexation, use the tag [EXPANSION]. We will also put a list in the wiki of Annexed Territories. This is how you should go through your annexation:
1) [EXPANSION] House A will be sending delegates over to Holdfast X to discuss fealty.

• Put the proposed terms of your annexation as well as an explanation for it

2) [EXPANSION] Holdfast X has agreed to swear fealty to House A

• Describe any changes to the region annexed.

THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO FOLLOWS THIS FORMAT, IT MAKES THINGS EASIER FOR THE MODS!

7) Mod-Injected Crises

• Every now and then, because we are bored, we will make up a realistic crisis with a [CRISIS] tag. This can be an economic recession, natural disaster, or a magical threat.
  
• Each faction is encouraged to react to the crisis in the comments. You can say what your house is doing for recovery, if it will provide aid, how it affected you, etc.
  

8) Money

Please just be realistic. We aren't going to place limits because we want you guys to have fun, but if you donate 40 trillion gold dragons then obviously we will not allow it. Be aware of your house's economic situation, and just be realistic.

9) Inactivity

• To make sure houses don't become dormant, we will be enforcing active participation.
  
• TO BE CONSIDERED ACTIVE YOU MUST MAKE AT LEAST ONE [EVENT] PER WEEK
  
• You must also participate in News Days and post your [News] on Sundays
  
• If you fail to do so and it comes to our attention, then you will be given 1 day's notice before we default your house.
  

Let the mods know if you will be away for an extended period of time. If you have sufficient reason for your absence, and give a date when you will be able to return, the above does not apply for that time. Arrangements must also be made by the player regarding the temporary ownership of your holdfast. If these conditions are not met, the house may still be defaulted.
These land combat rules are taken from /essospowers, which we originally took from /westerospowers (the original set has been deleted).

Land Combat Rules

Thanks /Westerospowers for the original draft. This system is in effect as of right now.
Starting a Conflict

1. Normally all conflicts must begin with a [CONFLICT - RALLY] post. This post represents a host bringing their forces together for a fight. Normally at least 12 IRL hours must pass before a commit post is made.
   
2. If the two sides agree, or if a mod makes a ruling, you may skip straight to the commit phase.
   
3. The [CONFLICT - COMMIT] post indicates that the attack has been launched by the poster.
   
4. The mods will then make a [CONFLICT-SCORE] post ASAP. This conflict score post will use the below rules to declare a victor.
   

Fighting the Conflict
We will be using simple 6 sided dies (d6), 3 sided dies (d3), and 5 sided dies (d5) to represent combat. We have a bot perform these rolls. The number of which will be decided like this

1. In our example battle we have the following two sides: Side 1 consists of 1,000 men. Side 2 consists of 500 men.
   
2. Add both sides together to get the full number of troops in the battle, then divide each side's forces by that number to see the percentages. For example, a battle of 1,000 vs. 500 would be 66% and 33% respectively.
   
3. Each side's percentages will be rounded to the nearest 5%, so in this example it would be 65% and 35%. Each side will receive 1d6 for every 10%, any remaining 5% will give a 1d3. In the above example,the Side 1 (65%) force will receive 6d6 + 1d3. Side 2 (35%) will receive 3d6 + 1d3.
   
4. The results of the rolls will be added to create the initial score. The defender during a siege will receive a bonus to the their initial score equal to the defense value of the battle site. In this example, Side 2 will have a defense value of 4. The final result of all modifiers is the Battle Score.
   

Note: Defense bonus is based on the location of the defender and added to the end of the final total
Final = Total of Dice + Bonus
Note: Half the Defense value is added to the total dice sides. So a defense rating of 6 would add 3 making a D6 a D9.
In this example let's assume the following rolls:

• Side 1 (1,000, 65%): 1, 5, 4, 6, 3, 6, +2 (from the 1d3)
• Side 2 (500 , 35%): 3, 6, 6, +1 (from the 1d3), +4 (from defense)
  
• Side 1 Battle Score: 25
  
• Side 2 Battle Score: 20
  

Side 1 wins by 5!
During a battle in the open field this usually means the losing side is routed or retreats. During a siege the battle will continue until either side gives in or runs out of troops.
Note: Tie Goes To the Defender
Determining Casualties
Causalities will be determined as follows:
For the smaller army the average of all d6 rolls will be averaged together (round normally). In the above example that would result in an average of 5 ((6 + 6 + 3) / 3) kill dice for side 2. This determines how many kill dice (d5s) will be rolled for enemy causalities.
For the larger army, the highest d6 rolls equal to the amount of the smaller armies rolls will be averaged. In the above example that would mean the 3 highest (6,6,5) rolls would be averaged together for a result of 5.67, rounded to 6. The larger army (side 1) will roll 6d5 kill dice.
These d5 represent the percentage of causalities the opposing side will suffer. The winner will receive a bonus to their kill results equal to the amount of points they win by (in this example 6).

• Side 1 kill dice results: ( 1, 3, 1, 1, 1, 1) = 8 + 5 (excess battle score) = 13
• Side 2 kill dice results: ( 5, 2, 4, 3, 4) = 18

Those numbers represent how much of the opposing army is out of the fight (dead, injured, or captured). In this battle Side 1 won the battle, but Side 2 was able to cause a higher percentage of causalities.
18% x 1,000 = 180 troops out of the fight
13% x 500 = 65 troops out of the fight
What happens next
In an open field battle, the loser retreats and is run from the field. In a defense, another phase of battle will be run until either side gives in.
The mod running the battle will give a short blurb on what occurs in the fight. For this one, I would say something like:

Despite many casualties, Side 1 was able to get over the city's walls. Side 1 takes the inner side of the walls while Side 2 decides to continue the battle in the city streets.

Hi all! I’m hosting a funeral-themed birthday party for my 30th and need some help with the beverage situation. I’d like to have two or three batch cocktails for guests to choose from but I’m not sure what options would be best for minimal maintenance throughout the evening. Ideally, we’d just pour these into a beverage dispenser and let guests serve themselves. Are there any foolproof recipes that would be conducive to this and don’t tend to separate over time?
We have a ton of basil and mint that we are growing at home, so it would be neat to incorporate those if possible. I was thinking maybe a gin basil smash would be good, especially since the party is in the middle of summer, but I don’t know how to achieve this without the shake and strain.
Also, I’m trying to come up with a unique recipe that incorporates kool-aid mix (grape is my go-to) and is slightly more elevated than just kool-aid and vodka.
Any help or recommendations would be greatly, greatly appreciated!

Around Thanksgiving last year, my 22 year old daughter Izzy started complaining about her back hurting. We just assumed she pulled a muscle or had a pinched nerve. After a couple weeks, the pain seemed to be getting worse. She went to urgent care on a Friday and they confirmed she probably had a pinched nerve. They gave her some meds. That following Monday (Dec. 18) she was in a lot of pain, so I rushed her to the hospital. It was her back and her left arm now bothering her. They blew her off and said that she was fine. I insisted that she get an MRI or cat scan done. Finally at my request they did a cat scan on her back and said they didn't see anything wrong. They said it's probably a pinched nerve, gave her more meds and sent us home.
The week of Christmas everything changed. She woke up each night covered in sweat. On the 28th, her heart was beating fast, she was extremely pale, and had two knots appear on the left side of her neck and one under her left underarm. I brought her to a different hospital.
When we got to the ER, they immediately took her to a room. Her vitals were extremely high (170 heart rate) from the pain she was in. They were considering that she could have meningitis or mono. They wanted to get tests ran right away. They admitted her, and did a spinal tap and MRI. 2 days later (Saturday) the doc said they found a large tumor on her spine. Can't say if it's cancer yet, she would need a biopsy first. They informed us that she would be moved that day to their sister hospital that specializes in cancer.
When we arrived, she was put on the neurology ward in a regular room. They immediately put her on a lot of meds. She was on so many pain drugs, (Oxy, Dilaudid, muscle relaxers, Morphine, Xanax, etc.) that I kept asking, "Is this end of life? Can she overdose from all these drugs?" They would respond with, "no, it's just to keep her comfortable and we're trying to get her heart rate down." On New years day they gave her Ativan. She responded horribly to it. It was a rough day. She was hallucinating and freaking out all day and night. The next day she told them to NEVER give her that again. They told her when we first arrived that anything she didn't want to take, they would respect and not put it in her charts to receive. They would put it under allergies. We assumed they would do so as they said they would.
They finally did the biopsy on Wednesday the 3rd. When she came back from surgery, she wouldn't wake up. She slept all day Wednesday and most of Thursday. I was really concerned.They kept adding more pain meds to her chart. I again was scared she would forget to breathe. That night she wasn't breathing properly and her vitals were going down. She had to be rushed to NeuroICU. They got her stable and explained it was from all the different drugs. They explained that it's trial and error. They're trying to figure out what works for her and they decided to put her on a drip line of Dilaudid. They still gave her other drugs but Dilaudid seemed to help her pain somewhat. They also said she had a spot on her lungs what looked like pneumonia starting.
All week she was constantly telling us that she was losing feeling in her legs and her left arm. By Saturday of that week she was paralyzed. They finally took her for an MRI and saw that the tumor had spread up and down her spine and to her ovaries, and it was stealing her blood supply. She would need emergency surgery asap. They of course came to explain what was happening and the surgeon informed me that Ativan would be used during surgery. I immediately told him no, and that she is allergic to it and it was supposed to be on her allergy list. I explained to him what happened when she received it before. On Sunday they rushed her into surgery and cut the blood supply to the tumor. It was too dangerous to try and remove any of the tumor. They didn't know if the paralysis was permanent, but they were hopeful that the surgery would work. It didn't we would later find out.
When she returned from surgery, she was out of control. She was violent and cursing at me. In 22 years I had never heard her curse, but she was fluent! She was hallucinating bad and kept freaking out. It was scary to watch. They decided to give her some meds to make her to sleep, to help her heal. For 2 straight days my baby screamed blood curdling screams, she would cry out "mommy, mommy" while she slept. She screamed so much and so loud that anyone in ear shot were questioning what was going on. It was heartbreaking to witness. I thought she was having a bad reaction to the anesthesia. I later found out that they were giving her Ativan anyway. They NEVER put it in her chart as an allergy the week before, and the doctor disregarded what I said about not giving her that. They had other options they could have used but he still chose to do what he wanted. I only found out because the nurse mentioned that she would be right back with her Ativan. The nurse had no knowledge that my daughter refused that medication previously. I informed her not to give that drug to her. She went and spoke with the attending physician who changed it to haldol and ketemine. That was Monday night. By Wednesday she finally calmed down from screaming, so they decided to try and wake her up.
When she woke up she could no longer speak properly, use her left arm, or move her legs. Her fingers and toes were turning black. They said it was from a certain med she was on. That it's normal. A lay person could see something was horribly wrong.
Everyday we would see up to 30 doctors. I say we, because I never left her side. One would say one thing while another would say something else. It was confusing and scary. We still didn't have a diagnosis. We just knew she had cancer. They suspected stage 4 but couldn't say until pathology came back. It was traumatic and a nightmare. It went from a diagnosis of a pinched nerve to stage 4 cancer in a matter of a week. WTF?
We finally got the diagnosis on Tuesday the 9th.. Stage 4 anaplastic large cell lymphoma. Very rare and aggressive. They said they were starting chemo immediately. They gave her the first dose that Wednesday night. We had hope. It was a rollercoaster of terror, but the doctors kept saying that she could beat this. I googled everything I could and prayed for a miracle. It's always been my girl and I, so I was desperate for her to live through this. She wasn't just my daughter, she was literally my everything.
By week 2, she needed blood on a daily basis. She couldn't eat or drink. She couldn't relieve herself. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak clearly to explain her needs or wants. Her breathing was shallow. Her vitals were not normal. They would go down and then jump extremely high. She was so out of it, that they had to come to me concerning everything. Her oxygen was dropping significantly and they had to keep changing out the masks and oxygen levels to help her breathe. They kept changing her meds and she had multiple complications from that. They couldn't find any good spots on her arms to put her IVs anymore, and her legs were so swollen that they couldn't locate a useable spot anywhere. They put it on her right side of the neck. During all this she had multiple medical emergencies. One example is they said that spot on her lungs wasn't pneumonia but they now suspected a small blood clot. That medicine she was given would hopefully help, the only problem was that medication was causing problems for her back surgery. A few days later we found out it was blood and it was completely filled up in her chest. She was drowning in her own blood. They couldn't do surgery right away because she would bleed out since her platelets were so low even while receiving blood transfusions. That blood was somehow going into her lungs. I was floored. Everyday I would ask about it and I was told it was getting better, nothing to worry about. In fact the doctor said that very morning it had cleared up significantly. Imagine my shock when the critical team comes rushing in that evening to do ultrasounds on her and tells me they suspect it's why her breathing was going downhill.
On Monday she was transferred to a MICU room on a different floor. This floor felt uneasy to me. There was death all around and you could see it. They said that this floor was where her main doctors were, so that she would get the best care. Now they introduce fentanyl to her med regimen. They explained it that it would help with her pain. She would be allowed so much every hour if needed.
The next day they decided to do the surgery to put a tube in her chest to drain the blood. She now had an extremely dangerous back surgery, staples running up her entire back with tubes, a huge scar under her arm from the biopsy with tubes, and now a huge tube coming out her chest. Her fingers and toes at this point were in a stage of necropsy. But they couldn't do anything about it. They would just have to fall off in time. It was devastating. My daughter was a trooper through out this whole time. She never complained or was negative. She was just scared when she understood what was going on. Honestly I've never seen so much courage in my life.
When it came to her pain meds she was only on fentanyl and Dilaudid drip. She would only receive it when she asked. That was her rule. She was scared she would overdose or become hooked on it and didn't want that monster on her back. She would be in so much pain but would just sit through it. Her vitals were better, but when the pain would become to much to bare, her heart rate would go into the 150 to 170 range. As soon as she got some meds it would go down to the teens to low twenty's.
On Thursday night she had a new nurse. He would administer pain meds even when she didn't request it. I saw him give her shot when she was sleeping. I walked in on him. I asked him if she requested it as I saw she was asleep and he said no. He stated he was trying to keep her comfortable. I asked him not to unless she asks. He didn't listen.Throughout the night as we slept, he would give her meds that she didn't even need. He gave her haldol. She only received that for two days after her back surgery. No one had given her that since. He would give her a shot of fentanyl behind it. I later found this out while talking with her doctors and from her records.
That Friday morning she started having these weird episodes, what later looked like seizures to me. Her vitals would drop and she would go into a deep stare. They blamed the meds. It was constant apologies for her being over medicated again. Even the doctor didn't understand why he gave her so much.She had 4 separate episodes before they (at my constant request) sent her to get a MRI done.
She had a blood clot in her brain. Again they said nothing to worry about. But after experiencing what we went through already, I was highly concerned. As I should have been. They kept apologizing and said they would change her medication up again. I told them it wasn't the medicine it was the nurse. I couldn't understand why he would give her two doses of haldol when she didn't need it. The nurse said my daughter was anxious and thought it would help. My daughter was sleeping so how could she have been anxious. I went off. Something in my spirit was telling me to get her out of there. But how could I when she was hooked up to all these tubes. She was suffering and I couldn't help her. The only thing I could do was use my voice to try and protect her and be her advocate. The next day Jan. 20th, I woke up after a couple hours of sleep, and I knew something was wrong. She was awake and trying to talk. Her vitals were back at a steady 170 with high blood pressure and a low oxygen number so I knew she was in pain. I could feel it in every bone of my body something was different that day. I felt my baby didn't have long as I thought cancer was winning. I called all of our family to come see her. I can't explain it. At one point I pulled one of her doctors out of her room and begged him to tell me what was happening. Shoot it to me straight. He kept saying she's always been critical but she would pull through. He had so much hope.
They gave her some meds to help bring her vitals down and it started to work again. Her vitals started going from 160 to 150. At this point she was having a brain scan done in her room to see what the episodes were exactly. She was awake but could no longer move from her neck down. Which had just started the 2 days before. She had a blood infection and they had to move the pic line from the right side of her neck to the left side but we're unsuccessful because she had obstructions there (2 huge tumors) They had to put the new line back on the right side in the back of the neck. I don't know what happened since I wasn't allowed in the room. I do know my daughter said after they finished, she wasn't able to feel anything but her face. She never turned her head again.
During that day she kept having flem and spit from the congestion she had due to the chest infection and surgery. I would sit there and suck it out for her. No problem, I had been doing it for days with no complaints on my end. The doctors were coming in and out constantly all day to check her brain test and at one point the doctor seeing me and my nephew take shifts suctioning her out said he wanted to try a new medicine she had never received. My daughters nurse interrupted him and said that she didn't think that it was a good idea. They went back and forth for a few minutes and I stepped in and said, it was fine, I would sit there and suction out forever if I had to. Something felt different in this exchange as well. In all of 24 days of being in the hospital, I never saw a nurse challenge a doctor. I immediately went to the computer, where the nurse had typed in the order for this drug, and googled it. The first thing that popped up, was not to give this drug to someone with high blood pressure or high heart rate. It causes a person's heart rate to shoot up high quickly. It was too late. They already administered it to her. Since her heart rate was already high it caused her to go into cardiac arrest. I just stood there in shock screaming is she in cardiac arrest? To which the doctor finally responded "I'm sorry, yes"
They ushered me and my nephew out of the room so they could work on her. After about 30 minutes they called my phone and told me she flatlined but they got her heart beating again. I went flying back in that room screaming at them. I refused to leave the room. She was now on life support, but there was no hope for her to ever wake up again. After consulting with my family and her doctors, and looking at where her vitals were, I decided to pull the plug. She passed within seconds. I feel like the doctor should have listened to the nurse, but his ego would not allow him to. I feel like he's somehow responsible, but at the same time I saw what was happening to her on a daily basis and what cancer was doing to her body. I also witnessed a lot of negligence too on their part. I've been going back and forth since January 20th, about contacting an attorney and seeing if I have a case. I requested an autopsy to be performed, because I wanted to know what all was wrong with her. They informed me they normally don't do that because of the cancer. I argued with them and said I wanted one anyway. I wanted to know what happened. I was trying to understand this whole situation. 25 days prior it was just supposed to be a pinched nerve, but it wasn't. They explained I would have to pay for the autopsy, and I was okay with that. The next day after she passed away, I received the phone call to give my permission for an autopsy. They said it would take a couple days and would let me know when it was finished so the funeral home could pick up her body.
I've been calling for months about the autopsy report with no luck. Here we are in May, I go to the hospital to get the autopsy results and it's all of five pages. It's not even an autopsy report. It doesn't even state her cause of death. It's just bullshit paperwork. All it mentions is the necropsy to her fingers and toes and her basic info like height and weight. I'm so angry right now. I have her medical records, and I noticed on the 19th of January they finally put she was allergic to Ativan. There's a lot wrong with this situation. I even asked for a CD of all her images, from pathology. What I received only two images come up. Everything else is blocked from opening. I know my daughter took multiple MRIs, ultrasounds,and CAT scans in those three and a half weeks. There's no way it's only two images.
I counted all the times the nurse gave my daughter pain meds that Thursday night and it was double what any other nurse had given her at any other time plus with other drugs she didn't need at that time. I found out that haldol and fentanyl is something they give to patients that's in end of life care. Which I was constantly told my daughter was not. Her death certificate states she passed from lymphoma related cardiac arrest. I'm just so confused on what to do. I feel like I'm letting my daughter down if I don't look into this further.
I'm sorry this a novel. I couldn't just ask a simple question with out the back story for you to understand. It was so much more believe me, this was the short version!
Do I have a case or should I just move on and accept my daughter died from cancer related complications? Thank you....

(my post originally from CharlotteDobreYoutube)
I will try to keep as many relevant details in here as possible without going too far off track, since the history with us and with her is utterly a novel. This is long, but worth it, so here goes.
11 days before my wedding I kicked out two bridesmaids (A and M.) This meant I had two left (E and L.) It started with bridesmaid A who asked if her boyfriend could wear a cowboy hat to my wedding. Mind you, my wedding venues were a church for the ceremony and a beach front venue for the reception. I told her that I did not want a cowboy hat in my photos or in my wedding, that that was not the vibe my husband and I were going for, and it just didn’t fit either venue’s décor or environment.
A bit of a backstory – A is not in the best position financially. She was dating her boyfriend for like 2 months before she got pregnant. He promised her a better life closer to his family, she believed it, got fired from her $50k/year job, left her first child w/ her ex-husband (Child 1 was supposed to be my flower girl, whose dress we also bought,) they moved from State A to state B, they don’t make much money. They now have the newborn that they can barely afford while living in a camper.
Before A asked about the cowboy hat, she asked about jeans. I did not want denim at my wedding. Denim is not formal. She said he was going to wear the same outfit to the wedding as his grandmother’s funeral. Fine, not a big deal. I told her if they are black jeans that is fine since from a distance they will look like slacks. (I gave her an inch and she was definitely looking for that mile.) She kept going with it and I eventually said, “I did not want denim, but I made the exception for you two.” And she said “Yeah, it’s not like we could have afforded anything else anyway.” I felt the tension and left it alone for the night.
The next morning, she texted me that she was hurt, that I had an attitude basically and I’ve been acting some type of way, she again brought up the money situation. I tried to be understanding and that I know they are not in the best position financially, but a lot of my family is not, and I know a lot of people are spending quite a bit to get where we are for the wedding (about half our guests were coming from out of state.) I also said I wanted everyone to have a great time and I was sorry if I came off any type of way or insensitive. This was not good enough for her. She decided to say that a wedding was about celebrating our love and if I was focused so much on a cowboy hat my priorities were in the wrong place. I asked her what was going on because this was clearly not about a cowboy hat and she avoided answering. Also did not tell me anything else it might have been about.
She said ever since planning the wedding I have been micromanaging, acting proud, and some other accusations that made no sense. I had no idea what she was talking about because a lot of the decisions my husband and I needed to make were taken care of with both venues – food, DJ, set up, breakdown, clean up, etc. A also said she had been talking to M about the way I was behaving, and that the cowboy hat was the final straw. (What’s that even mean? If I was bothering you with things, why didn’t you tell me so I could fix it or change the way I was approaching things?)
Somewhere in the midst of this whole thing, she said her daughter (Child 1) would just be uncomfortable in her dress and wouldn’t sit still for more than 30 mins (A lie, I have been around her and she is well behaved,) and also said her boyfriend does not like to eat in front of people (Arms must be tired from all that reaching) and all around is just making excuses, trying to call my bluff about this; if the boyfriend can’t even wear the cowboy hat to the reception, then they probably just go fishing after the ceremony, and not even come to the reception. She also said we could have helped with her shoes. In many other words, I told her just because we make more than her does not mean we owe her anything and told her almost everything we were paying for. Then told me to chill and that I was probably emotional from the planning and everything going on. Basically, gaslit me when she was the one that literally threatened not to come because of a cowboy hat. She brought up money again like five more times and how they’re broke – so clearly this is about money.
Husband and I bought the dresses, fronted the Airbnb we needed to get ready in, we fronted hair & makeup without asking for anyone to pay for their portion, bought gifts, A’s plane ticket (she paid us back the next day,) and many other things for our wedding for the bride and grooms party so everyone had a good time, knew they were appreciated, and felt like the event was worth the traveling and time.
Throughout my wedding planning, I pretty much planned everything with my husband, and we asked for hardly any input from anyone since no one was really available, no one was close, and it was just easier. So the whole micromanaging comment made no sense to me. I was doing my best to be flexible and understanding of finances for A, not as much for bridesmaid 2, M, but a little. She was also in a state 3 time zones away from me, so her plane ticket was not cheap.
I have known this girl A for six years. I am crying at this point. It’s the afternoon, I have to get final headcount to the reception venue for catering THE NEXT MORNING. I am texting my mother, bridesmaid E, friend D, a group chat on messenger, and I have not told Husband yet. Every single one of them was on my side. E said, “If she is this way now before your wedding, imagine what she is going to be like on your wedding day.” And being the desperate person I was, I said to friend D “I know this is shitty and a horrible circumstance but if I needed you to be a bridesmaid, would you? The dress color and material are still available on [Vendor’s site.]” She said absolutely. I felt terrible for asking but I trusted her.
M now comes in. She was busy at work so she could not respond to the chat as much, but I was keeping a lot of the chat between A and I because I did not think M needed to be involved. A kept bringing the chat back to the group chat. She brought enough back to the group chat that M picked up on some stuff and basically agreed with A, she said I was being insensitive, and “At least she asked you before she did it.” I’m sorry, what?
Backstory for M – A few months earlier she said she was upset I did not officially ask her to be a bridesmaid and did not think it was worth it to come to my state for the wedding because it would be the second time she is here with her boyfriend but not for them; like not for their own reasons such as a vacation. We had a conversation when I started planning and I asked if she would be comfortable ordering a dress for me to see what it looked like. She said “Aww you want me to be a bridesmaid?” I said “I thought that was obvious!” So maybe it’s a thin line, but she went shopping with A and I, went to try on dresses with her, and LET US BUY HER DRESS. She could have said something beforehand that she did not want to, rather than just thinking she had to. She also was not going to be there for the rehearsal since there was a concert in her state rescheduled for two days before my wedding and she was not going to miss it. Understandable since she would have had to get up at 5 am or earlier the night after the concert to get to my state sometime Thursday evening or Friday afternoon. I did not like this, but I accepted it because she also said “I think I’ve been part of enough weddings to figure it out, -insert laughing crying emoji-
By this point husband also called me for something, I don’t remember what, but I eventually said to him “I don’t think I want either A or M to come.” He said “Okay, whatever you need to do. I’m fine at this point.” I summarized the events and he said “If you want to burn everything to the ground I don’t care, that’s fine with me.” I stewed on everything for a few hours but I knew what I had to do.
I let it sit, I said nothing else, I went to run an errand, I was on the way home, told D when the rehearsal and dinner was, asked if she could make it, she said yes. I told her to order her dress, called the florist, I told them I needed one less bouquet, and got home about 30 mins later. A few hours later I said to both A and M, basically, “You know what? Never mind. I don’t want either of you to come. This is my wedding, we are paying for everything, and I was not wrong. I do not deserve this treatment. It is not my fault A you made shitty decisions and can’t afford anything and M you planned a wedding before, how can you agree with her?” and quite a few other things. (Told them both to send back the dresses but ultimately did not end up caring and said they could do whatever they wanted with them later.) A then said I was attacking because I was frustrated. No, A. You made shit decisions and you’re taking it out on me now. M called me and I didn’t answer. (She was married before, divorced now. Whole other fucking story.)
The other kicker? A kept her flight to STILL COME SEE HER DAUGHTER and was going to need a CAR RENTAL ANYWAY, and A HOTEL ROOM with her boyfriend. So wait, was it NOT actually about money? I don’t even know anymore.
Anyway, D got her dress by Thursday or Friday the same week, we went shoe shopping a few days later, and she bought her own shoes, too.
My wedding party on my wedding day had three girls that were super supportive, loving, and made my day a whole lot easier. They were by my side, made me smile and laugh, and made the day so much more special. I have screenshots, by the way. If anyone wants them, I can attach them to a google doc and have you see them, haha. Just PM me!

I (f28) told my girlfriend (f 25) the other day that it feels as if I had to come out twice to my family. I came out and told them that I was PIMO and did not want to continue to go to meetings. Then I had to also tell them that I was also dating a woman. The barrage of information that came at me for weeks about homosexuality and if i thought what i was doing was wrong was hard. I was told I had to go to the elders and was even given a deadline. The elders in my hall were very nice when I had to meet with them. No surprise the decision for me to be disfellowshipped was made and I was announced at the hall.
Even now my grandma will randomly call my crying because of her thinking she won’t see me in the paradise. She has Alzheimer’s so she will briefly forget. But always tells me to go move with her to get away from the city and town I grew up in, basically the Denver area.
All my family is currently down for a funeral and it’s so interesting how much they want to know about my life but not too much. I can interact with them while they are staying at my house but not when they want to go explore the city.
It’s frustrating, and I get annoyed at the arrangement. I want to go spend time with my gf instead of just staying home in case they need me or so they aren’t thinking I’m out sinning all the time. I can’t wait for the day that I stop fully living in fear of what my family thinks. I’m making baby steps tho.
Update: so it’s fine for them to spend time with me while they are at my house. We just spent 2 hours going through our old photos. But they did just all leave to go get food and I have to stay behind.

First of all... i m a complete mess... i get so angry sometimes.... my parents used to fight a lot(i still love them), i remember my mom with bruises on her eyes, he ripper her hair and beat hed(only one time) he would scream at each other every morning. He used to tell her to suck his dick if he would give her a ride to her relatives, I was 12 years old(he wouldn t stand them), right now my dad is dead. December last year he died, my mom said he had a heart attack and that s why he drowned in a lake. Actually she admitted he drowned because he was drunk(actually i m extremelly paranoid and I think someone killed him, I have mental issues), because i just quit a job two weeks before he died and he bringed me back home and i had beef with everyone at work. When i was little he would leave us at the supermarket, he would just leave getting angry for no reason, knowing we don t have money. He worked a lot, he left us an house an apartment two cars and some money.but i have real anger issues. He used to beat me with his belt daily. For nothing i even did. He would say things about having a boner about his mother in law in front of me and my mom. He was really sick... i don t know, at dad funeral my mom put this aunt of mine in charge she would give orders in our house, and i should ve been angry but i was a total mess and a lot of people was therel, she would made fun of me, she even choosed the place where my dad was buried, i can t even explain the mistake my mom did.

On this particular weekend, my parents flew out to for a funeral of a family member. In hindsight I probably should've come with them, but someone needed to watch the dog. Leia is a very hyperactive husky that doesn't really function well without any of us present, and we couldn't bring her with us, so I had to stay behind.
We live in the middle of nowhere, on a secluded road that leads into the woods, the next nearest house is roughly a mile away, which means Leia gets to stay outside for long periods of time, and that dog absolutely loves running around the forest. I've had to go out there and bring her back on numerous occasions simply because she loses track of time and wont return on her own.
And don't get me started on the dead animals she brings back, I wish she wouldn't.
It was a Saturday afternoon when I decided to go for a walk with Leia by my side, I often took walks through the forest to clear my mind, and not being able to attend the funeral was getting to me mentally.
I called out to her inside of the house and she was by my side not even ten seconds later, panting and ready to go out. As soon as I opened the door she bolted out at full speed, which made me grin. I love that dog to death.
There's a hiking trial through the forest that I usually walk to not get lost, and Leia also knows to stay on track, and even if she doesn't, one quick call and she's usually by my side within a minute again.
I was just observing Leia, watching her run back and forth and roll around in the leaves occasionally. She was getting really dirty and I knew I'd have to hose her down before I let her back into the house. The forest felt strangely eerie today, I was feeling uneasy and I couldn't really pinpoint why. I chalked it up to just me feeling upset because of the funeral. But my stomach would not stop churning.
Leia was really loud today, louder than usual. I could hear the leaves crunching even when she was completely out of sight much further ahead than I was. "Leia!" I called out to her, and it echoed through the woods. I stopped to listen more closely, I could hear leaves crunching up ahead, and it was getting closer. Then I saw her emerge from behind a tree. The first thing I noticed was that she was no longer dirty, and then I noticed that she was dripping wet. I sighed, I had forgotten that we were near the river, I was too distracted. I usually turn back before we reach the river.
She ran up to me. "Oh Leia.." now I'll need to give her a bath. She started shaking the water out and onto me, and then ran back off into the direction of the river.
"Leia! Come back!" I called out again, but she was still running. This wasn't like her. I stood there, completely and utterly confused. My bad gut feeling was only growing stronger. That's when I noticed something odd. The forest was eerily silent today, there were no birds chirping, no leaves rustling. Dead silence. I hadn't been paying too much attention to the nature itself.
Just as I was about to call out for Leia again, I saw her shape bolting toward me again, with her tongue out. She was dirty again. I just turned around and beckoned for her to follow. We were going to head home, I couldn't stay here any longer, something felt really off about the forest today.
The walk back took around an hour, I hadn't realized we had gotten that far from home. Time flies by fast when you spend it inside of your head, thinking of your dead cousin and the happy memories you shared together.
Leia behaved during the walk back and didn't run off again which saved me some trouble. I hosed her down when we got back to the house.
I felt more comfortable now that I was finally home, but my gut feeling was still screaming at me that something was wrong. Had I missed something?
I filled the dog bowl for Leia to eat dinner, and then decided to lie down for a nap upstairs, I had a terrible headache.
I woke up sometime later to a phone call from mom, it was dark out now, and raining. They had just gotten to my cousins house and were ready to head to bed.
We talked for a little bit and I felt better after seeing them both.
After some time, we ended the call and I looked around my room, noticing Leia wasn't here. She usually made her way upstairs and slept at the foot of my bed if I was sleeping. I got up from bed and walked downstairs to see if I could find her. I could hear the rain pouring outside and some very distant thunder, Leia hated thunder, she might've been hiding under the dining table.
I checked under it, but she wasn't there. I also checked over a dozen other places, and I couldn't find her.
"Leia!" I yelled into the empty house, my heart was churning even worse than in the forest now. Something was terribly wrong.
Just as I was about to yell again, I heard her footsteps behind me, I turned around and took a sigh of relief. She was right here, she came out of the direction of the living room. She looked alright. I kneeled beside her and gave her some pets. "Good girl."
As I was doing so, my ears picked up on a strange sound. I could hear scratching somewhere. I listened in, it was hard to discern through the pouring rain and thunder. It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen. I stood up and began walking there. Leia followed behind me. Something was off.
In the kitchen the scratching was louder, it sounded like it was coming from outside. I had closed all the blinds earlier on all the windows and the back door, so I couldn't see outside. I slowly tiptoed to the back door, making sure to be silent as to not be heard, and I parted the blinds to look outside.
My heart dropped. Leia was outside, scratching the door asking to be let in.
But.. Leia was right here..? I turned around and looked at my dog. She was standing in the doorway, looking at me funny. If Leia is inside, then what's out there, scratching at the door? The dog outside howled, making me flinch. It sounded like Leia.
I kept staring at Leia in the doorway while listening to the Leia outside, and something finally clicked in my mind. Something was.. wrong with her. She looked like Leia, but she also didn't. The proportions were all.. wrong, her posture was unnatural, her slightly tilted head, the way she was looking at me.. it.. it wasn't Leia. The Leia outside started barking.
My mind was running a thousand miles a minute. Was this Leia, or was the one outside Leia? And more importantly.. what was it, that was imitating her? The Leia in the doorway finally moved, she began walking towards me. It looked so.. wrong. That's not how Leia walked. I turned around and started fumbling with the key to unlock the back door.
The footsteps kept getting closer and closer, they started sounding heavier and heavier. I finally managed to unlock the door and Leia bolted inside, going straight for the other one.. except it didn't look like Leia anymore. It had doubled in size, instead of paws it had hooves, instead of ears it had horns, while still wearing Leia's hide and head. Nothing could've prepared me for that sight.
My fight or flight instincts kicked in and I ran past them both, Leia was barking at the monstrosity.
I bolted upstairs and inside of my room, I locked the door behind me, my heart was beating out of my chest. I could hear the growling and barking downstairs, they were still having a showdown. Leia, and whatever.. it was.
Eventually it grew silent and all I could hear was the rain and occasional thunder outside.
Then I heard a faint sound, I wasn't sure what it was at first, but then it clicked. Something was scratching at my door.
I couldn't be sure if its Leia or not, so I kept the door closed and stayed quiet. Eventually the scratching grew silent. I haven't left my room yet and its the morning now.
I called my parents and they told I was being paranoid. I called the cops and they thought it was a prank call.
I don't feel safe but I have to check the house. I'll be going into my parents room and grabbing their gun before I clear the house and make sure its gone.

The global mortuary bags market is expected to witness a significant Compound Annual Growth Rate (CAGR) of over 6% from 2024 to 2030. This growth is primarily attributed to factors such as the increasing incidence of road accidents and the expansion of recreational activities worldwide. Moreover, factors like the rising consumption of alcohol, reckless driving practices, inadequate use of protective gear such as helmets, and poorly maintained road infrastructure are likely to contribute to a higher number of road accidents. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 1.4 million people lose their lives annually due to road accidents.
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Market Trends:
Advancements in Material and Design: Manufacturers are focusing on developing mortuary bags using advanced materials and innovative designs to enhance durability, ease of use, and safety. This includes the incorporation of features like reinforced handles, leak-proof seals, and antimicrobial properties to maintain the integrity of the deceased and minimize the risk of contamination.
Increasing Demand for Customization: There is a growing demand for customized mortuary bags that cater to specific needs and preferences of funeral homes, hospitals, and morgues. Customization options may include size variations, branding, and specialized features such as extra padding or additional compartments for personal belongings.
Shift Towards Eco-Friendly Solutions: With growing environmental awareness, there is a trend towards eco-friendly mortuary bags made from biodegradable or recyclable materials. Manufacturers are investing in sustainable manufacturing practices and offering greener alternatives to traditional plastic or vinyl bags, aligning with the broader sustainability goals of the funeral industry.
Rising Emphasis on Infection Control: In light of infectious disease outbreaks like COVID-19, there is heightened awareness and emphasis on infection control measures within mortuary facilities. Mortuary bags with enhanced biosecurity features, such as antiviral coatings or disposable liners, are increasingly sought after to minimize the risk of cross-contamination and ensure the safety of mortuary staff and the public.
Integration of Technology: Advancements in technology are being integrated into mortuary bags to improve tracking, identification, and management of deceased individuals. This includes the use of RFID tags, QR codes, or barcodes for efficient inventory management and chain of custody documentation, enhancing operational efficiency and accuracy in mortuary operations.
Market Opportunities:
The mortuary bags market presents several opportunities for growth and innovation driven by various factors. With an increasing emphasis on infection control measures, there is a growing demand for mortuary bags with enhanced biosecurity features, providing opportunities for manufacturers to develop products with antimicrobial properties and disposable liners to minimize the risk of cross-contamination. Additionally, the shift towards eco-friendly solutions presents an opportunity for the development of biodegradable and recyclable mortuary bags, catering to the rising demand for sustainable funeral practices. The globalization of funeral practices and standards offers opportunities for manufacturers to expand their geographical reach and tap into emerging markets. Moreover, advancements in technology, such as RFID tracking and barcode integration, create opportunities for the development of innovative mortuary bag solutions that improve efficiency and accuracy in inventory management and chain of custody documentation.
According to the recent report published by RC Market Analytics, the Global Mortuary Bags Market is expected to provide sustainable growth opportunities during the forecast period from 2024 to 2030. This latest industry research study analyzes the mortuary bags market by various product segments, applications, regions and countries while assessing regional performances of numerous leading market participants. The report offers a holistic view of the mortuary bags industry encompassing numerous stakeholders including raw material suppliers, providers, distributors, consumers and government agencies, among others. Furthermore, the report includes detailed quantitative and qualitative analysis of the global market considering market history, product development, regional dynamics, competitive landscape, and key success factors (KSFs) in the industry.
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Geographically, the mortuary bags market report comprises dedicated sections centering on the regional market revenue and trends. The mortuary bags market has been segmented on the basis of geographic regions into North America, Europe, Asia Pacific, Latin America, and the Middle East & Africa. Mortuary bags market estimates have also been provided for the historical years 2020 to 2023 along with forecast for the period from 2024 - 2030.The report includes a deep-dive analysis of key countries including the U.S., Canada, the U.K., Germany, France, Italy, China, Japan, India, Australia, Mexico, Brazil and South Africa, among others. Thereby, the report identifies unique growth opportunities across the world based on trends occurring in various developed and developing economies.
The Mortuary Bags Market Segmentation:
By Material:

• PVC
• Polyethylene
• Nylon
• Polyester
• Others

By Size:

• Adult Bags
• Child/Infant Bags
• Heavy Duty and Bariatric Bags

By End-Use:

• Hospital
• Morgue
• Others

By Region:

• North America
• Europe
• Asia Pacific
• Latin America
• Middle East & Africa

Some of the leading players in the global mortuary bags market include CLASSIC PLASTICS, Bi Quadro, EMS Mobil Sistemler, Mopec, and Auden Funeral Supplies Ltd. These companies are pursuing market growth through strategies such as expansion, new investments, the introduction of innovative services, and collaborations. By entering new geographical markets and acquiring other businesses, they aim to achieve a competitive advantage and enhance their market presence through synergistic partnerships.
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Key Questions Answered by Mortuary Bags Market Report:

• Product popularity and adoption based on various country-level dynamics
• Regional presence and product development for leading market participants
• Market forecasts and trend analysis based on ongoing investments and economic growth in key countries
• Competitive landscape based on revenue, product offerings, years of presence, number of employees and market concentration, among others
• Various industry models such as SWOT analysis, Pestle Analysis, Porter’s Five Force model, Value Chain Analysis pertaining to Mortuary Bags market
• Analysis of the key factors driving and restraining the growth of the global, regional and country-level markets from 2020-2030

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(I am SO sorry for the needed lengthy) Back Story & Context Leading To My Decision:
I (33F) have 1 sister, “Sam” (38F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life which includes but not limited to; taking her on luxury trips around the world (I was only invited on 1 in the times we lived together), Norma would write her lengthy letters to continue growing their bond, has had so much money spent on her such as down payment on her first house & paid for extravagant events such as majority of the bill for her $50,000 wedding @ 21yo, the rest my father paid for. The only time she worked before graduating with her degree was part time ONE semester in college then quit because it was “so tiring” to work & study. Want to guess who paid her bills & gave her an allowance the rest of the time? Compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card & medical debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma & Susan did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home. Susan started berating Sam for not allowing Susan to take my oldest nephew cross country for a week. When Sam confronted her on the abuse she endured growing up, and will not subject her kids to that, Susan lost it. Not only did Susan say that Sam made that up (I have the court documents in my possession) she screamed at Sam until she began sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father. I stood up for Sam as always, which resulted in Susan screaming in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I cut ties with Susan in that very moment, then made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision which she later went back on.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt “Elizabeth” (61F & Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better. This is literally in the same conversation where I already listed how she was treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 2024) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then Wednesday, May 8, Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. I made it clear to Sam, who told Susan I would not be attending and I had made it clear in January that when the time came, I would l not be attending their funerals. Which clearly they saw as an empty threat. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I was concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.

1. “Your perspective on the situation was clear, you werent coming to be with the family and you arent grieving [Norma’s] death at least in the conventional sense. I had to be the one to answer from most of the family why you werent there, it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
2. “Since late January/Early February things have already been really strained between us. I know that most that comes from my point of view and actions were really hurtful to you. I hate that I hurt you and Its been difficult for me to reconcile that I can't show up for you the way you want me to while also maintaining my own mental health, relationships and boundaries.”

She continually says that she cannot show up for me the way I need without affecting her mental health, jeopardizing her relationship with Susan, Gene or Norma, crossing boundaries (boundaries she never clarified or explicitly said to me ONCE) and I am not someone that would ever want to hinder someone else’s life by my presence or cause inner turmoil by associating with me. I let her know this and said I will stop trying to cultivate a relationship and I will step away for good. I said it as kind as possible, taking an hour to craft a message that can only be seen as kind. I told her if she responds I will not be reading it.
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another moment feeling hurt especially when I wasted hours being angry & upset after receiving her text before crafting my reply.
My dad always preached that Sam is “far more sensitive” than me & needs to basically be treated with kid gloves despite her being almost 5 years older (he held this stance until his passing). He would have surely wanted me to apply that rule to this situation by waiting a few weeks to cut ties once she had time to process her grief. As Norma was the closest person to a loving mother Sam consistently had, I cannot help but compare it with my experience of losing my dad. If someone who always supported me esp. with any family issues, cut contact the same week he passed, it would have added a whole other layer of devastation & loneliness to an already difficult time
So, I am torn on whether it was right of me to put myself first or if I should have done what I am known & expected to do which is making Sam’s feelings the priority over mine.
ADDITIONAL ADVICE REQUESTS: 1. If anyone else has gone through a similar situation or has no immediate family, how do you handle it when having to discuss it with others? Such as explaining it to a new S/O’s, or the least complicated version to their family members or my friends who do not know the full back story but will eventually pick up on me not mentioning my sister or my nephews & niece. 2. If anyone is not able bodied or is limited to working options due to health, what you do for your full or extra income (outside of any government assistance)?
TY to all who comment &/or upvote!☺️

The Old Machine

By Angel Arevalo
The first time I saw the old machine was as Benny’s father closed his study door to us. It was already a relic then, a heap of beige plastic from a bygone era. The monitor was a beige box with a screen made of thick glass. It must have weighed a ton. It sat odious on the rectangular beige case that contained its thinking guts. Peripherals included a keyboard, a mouse, and a phone.
The phone was not a flat screened supercomputer the way the phones of today are. It was a simple speaker and receiver, with a rotating dial instead of buttons. Technically it was capable of making calls from a connected landline, but this was not its true purpose. Its true purpose was to make communication between the internet and the old machine possible. It did this through the magic of sound. According to Benny, who heard it from his father, the data from the internet came in the form of audible sound. Once it was called, the phone could be placed on a stand from which the old machine could “hear” the signals and translate them back into binary code.
My imagination stirred at the idea of “hearing” the internet. I could put something tangible to the invisible force that allowed me to watch endless streams of videos, or chat with friends from around the world. Benny probably more than me. He lived with the damn thing. However it was off limits.
As much as we wanted to hear the internet, Benny’s father would not have it. His study was entirely forbidden to us, and on the few occasions when he had allowed us entry to give us a word of sage advice or to admonish us for childish antics, he would use himself as a physical barrier between us and the old machine. His physical language was such that neither Benny or I had ever thought to ask for permission. Neither of us believed he would even consider the idea, and the most likely outcome would be that he would make it all that much harder to do so behind his back.
So we waited. Bided our time. As children, this was all that was afforded to us.
This forced patience paid off.
There came a very unusual day in Benny’s house. Often it was Benny’s mother who was charged with the daily maintenance of the household, but outstanding circumstances meant that she was forced to take the day off. If I remember correctly it was to do with Benny’s grandmother, but that is neither here nor there. The important thing is that Benny’s father had to take over the daily run of the house. Part of that was buying the groceries for that night's dinner, so here was a rare moment where the house and the study would be left completely unattended.
The moment we heard his father’s car leave the driveway, we were on it.
The door to his father’s study, where the old machine was kept, was locked, but we accounted for this. Benny had been practicing opening the locks around his house, and they were all the same make and model. Benny stuck the finer end of a hairpin into the keyhole and opened the lock as quickly as if he had the key.
The door swung open, and perched on the desk, was the old machine, in all its pristine beige glory.
It was a comically frightful thing, that heap of beige plastic. It sat there, decades old at least, and yet the casing showed no sign of yellowing. The screen, which showed that it was turned off, was a yawning black abyss; and the deadly silence of the room was disturbed by something that was not quite tangible, but an almost physical mental pressure, like gentle psychic breathing. The pressure was such that you could feel it in the base of your skull, and much more lightly, around your head and in your ears. It made one feel as if they were in the presence of a great monster, and not, in fact, an old beige box of outdated electronics.
“C’mon,” said Benny, stepping into the room. Evidently I had been stuck in place for some time. Benny on the other hand seemed much less wary than me. He scampered forward, smiling as he pulled back his fathers study chair so he could stand on it and reach the strange phone with its rotating dial.
Not nearly as brave, and suddenly three times more cautious, I stood back as he picked up the phone to “listen” to the internet. Depending on how you view it, the phone was luckily, or rather “unluckily”, in its translation stand, meaning that it was at that time communicating with the internet. Benny’s face twisted uncomfortably before breaking into a giddy smile.
“Ooh!” he said, smiling. “That’s creepy!”
He held it to his ear like that for a minute or so, wrinkling his nose from time to time before smiling again and throwing me a conspiratorial smirk. His giddy enthusiasm, despite the sound being what he called “creepy” seemed to calm me down some. Benny always had a way of doing that to me. Suddenly I was excited. He saw this, and offered me his place on his father’s seat.
“Here,” he said, still smirking. “It’s terrible!”
I took his place on the seat, and picked up the phone. It was heavier than I expected. Heavier than any smart phone I had ever held. It was like picking up the lighter end of an animal’s meaty tail. I felt a sudden hesitation, but Benny was still brimming with joy, goading me to have a listen.
I put the phone to my ear, and heard whispers. Surprised, I let the phone slip out of my hands to clatter to the floor.
They had been quiet whispers, barely audible, but audible they were. The whispers painted a picture for me. A sticky red room. A friend, here but not here. I saw the old machine in a new home, and with a new keeper, a willing thrall.
I think Benny would have laughed at me if he had not also been struck stupid in that same moment. Standing in the doorway of his study was his father.
It is difficult to speak ill of the dead, which is funny, because it’s not like they care, but that’s just the way of things. Benny’s father had always been a kind man. If not a kind man then certainly a dutiful father. He was always there for Benny, always there to give a word of wisdom or a consoling hug, but on occasion there was a glint of something sinister behind his eyes. It appeared sporadically, mostly during conversations with other adults. Somewhere in the middle of a conversation between the tragic loss of a child in another state or several towns over, or in discussing the statistic and calculus of death such as a mass shooting, that furtive sparkle behind his eye would manifest, and he would become, for a fraction of a second, someone else. That spark was there now, and it was aimed at me.
Benny’s father saw that I had the phone in my hand. He saw his boy beside me, and that spark behind his eye turned into a barely controlled flame. There was so much hate there.
“Benjamin,” he said in a deathly calm voice, in a heavily restrained voice. “Please tell me you didn’t let your friend here talk you into picking up that phone.”
“He didn’t, dad, he didn’t,” answered Benny.
“Did you pick up the phone too?”
“Of course not dad,” Benny lied.
Relief washed over his father’s face. He ran past the threshold of the study and knelt down to wrap his arms around his boy. He then looked at me.
“Get out,” he said quietly, nearly on the verge of tears. Then again, louder, “GET OUT!”
I was still too stunned to move, even after the second shout, but then Benny’s father rose– with Benny still in his hands. The menace I felt. I bolted from the study, running past Benny and his father.
I learned from Benny at school the next day that we weren’t allowed to play together anymore. Benny’s father didn’t even want to see me anywhere near him. It was ridiculous. We were neighbors for crying out loud! Benny was my best friend, who else was I going to play with? And for what? But it didn’t matter. Benny’s father had made his decree, and Benny had to abide. At least we still had school. Benny’s father couldn’t dictate who he spoke to there.
Benny and I sulked for that whole school day, unable to enjoy the little time we were going to have together. We sulked like that together at school for ages. And in this way, the strange whispers that we heard in the phone were almost forgotten, overshadowed by our forced separation.
Every day after school I hoped and prayed that my exile from Benny’s home would end, and in a roundabout and terrible way, my prayers were answered.
A year later, Benny was pulled from class, after which he disappeared for a week. His home, which was next to mine, sat dark and empty. For a whole week I heard nothing from him, not any social platform or messaging medium. When I finally did hear from him, it was no longer Benny. It was the shell of a person that had once been a child. It was Benny, aged eons.
The broken shell that had been Benny stumbled into class. He said nothing, and looked at no one. It wasn’t until lunch period that I finally got anything out of him, and when I did, I don’t think I could ever have been ready to hear it.
That day that Benny had been pulled out of class was the day that his mother had been arrested for the murder of his father. She was found in his study, and according to police, was basically mid act. How the police were alerted so quickly as to show up with the crime in progress was never fully revealed to Benny personally, but news coverage afterwards revealed that an anonymous tip had arrived at the police station.
Benny’s mother would stand by her innocence until the very end, but the fact that she was witnessed by police in the middle of committing the act made it indefensible. Her trajectory to the lethal injection room was one of the swiftest the state had ever seen.
It was tragic. Benny was out both parents, and it was all the more tragic because Benny didn’t have any other family. His last grandparent had passed the year prior. He was due to go into foster care, but God bless my parents, because they took him in. Benny got to stay in town, with a family that loved him nearly as much as his own had.
Benny stayed in my life, it was the reverse of what had happened the year prior when his father had found us listening to the internet on the old machine. Now Benny was in my life more than ever, but also not.
Physically he was there. Benny and I shared a room, and we hung out all the time. Mentally, or perhaps even spiritually, Benny just wasn’t with me anymore. His soul was in some godsforsaken elsewhere. His inner self was closed off to me. My mind didn’t have the words or wisdom to say what was wrong, only that despite being around him nearly 24 hours a day, he felt absent.
It wasn’t until later, much later, years later really, when Benny and I were well into our teens that I felt like I saw the real him again. His home, and everything in it, the things that had once been his father’s, were his. He’d never cared much about that. He’d never even mentioned his not exactly meager inheritance beyond the vague idea that he supposed he would move into his old home once he became an adult. Other than that he made no mention of his old home, which sat dim and forgotten next to mine. He hadn’t so much as stepped inside of it since he left for school on the day of the murder.
But one day, on the porch, while the sun was beginning to die on the horizon, Benny asked me if I would go into his old house with him. We were pushing seventeen, and college bound so I supposed at the time that he was seeking a kind of closure. Despite the vast chasm that Benny’s depression had carved between us, I wanted to be there for my best friend, so I agreed to go along with him.
Once we were at his old doorstep, Benny produced a small, unopened, envelope. He tore it open, and produced a key that he used to open the door to his old home. I watched him do this and felt a pang in my heart that was something more than sadness. I didn’t have a name for it. I just knew that it was coming from Benny. The straw that broke the camel’s back was Benny looking behind him to see me, and flashing me the barest hint of a smile that was filled with the same sadness that panged in my chest a moment ago. It was the tiniest crease on the corner of his mouth, but it broke me. That crease was the most genuine thing I’d gotten from him in years.
I wish I had been brave enough to cry, but I swallowed those tears. Drowned out all emotion, because I thought that was what the burgeoning man I wanted to become would have done.
We entered the house, which was dark and smelled awful. There was a rot in there that had settled into the very foundation.
“Augh,” I let out, “what is that?”
“I– Uhm… I don’t now.” That’s what he said, but something told me that he did know. He just didn’t want to say it out loud for some reason.
In my role as supportive best friend, I still hadn’t asked why Benny had wanted to come back here. So I decided to do that then, but as he ascended up the stairs I knew there was only one destination he had in mind. His father’s study. The old machine.
I kept my mouth shut, but I wonder sometimes if maybe I should have started protesting. I wonder if maybe I should have dragged Benny back out the door, kicking and screaming, but those are just what ifs and meaningless regrets. Even if I dragged him out then and there, so what? He would just come back without me. If I had barred him in any way he would just choose a different time and place, and he would be doing it alone. No. I had no choice. It was inevitable. There’s no stopping the inevitable. So I did nothing.
We ascended up the stairs together. The smell of deep seeded rot grew heavier. It was in the stairs, in the walls, in wood and the furniture. Apart from the smell, everything looked normal, as if frozen in time. I could practically envision us running down the hallway playing tag.
That changed in the study.
Benny and I reached the door. Yellow police tape from when this was an active crime scene was still there. The rot was strongest here. Had the site of the murder never been cleaned?
As Benny turned the knob I swallowed back some anxious energy, and stowed it away in the same place that I threw that soul breaking pang in my heart.
Inside we found the desk, the books shelves, his father’s office chair. All of it was as it once was, except that now every inch of it was covered in a film of something that was muddy red. The sticky red room.
There was only one part of the study that was disturbingly clean of the muddy red source of the rot. The old machine.
It sat perched on the desk, slumbering and waiting. It was pristine. Its comically mundane beige casing was clean, and every piece and peripheral like the keyboard and attached phone were in mint condition. It was alien, how clean it was compared to everything else in the room.
Benny took a heavy breath, and stepped forward. He approached the old machine, examining it in the dying light of the sun.
“I’m going to need your help carrying this back home,” he said.
This would have been my second opportunity to say “no”. I should have, but again, why? All it would mean was another trip or two for him on his lonesome, and then I would just be the friend that bailed out on him halfway through something that seemed very important for him. So I said “okay.”
We gathered up the odd ends of the old machine. Benny carried the monitor, and I carried the thinking guts, and between us we shared the weight of the peripherals.
Once we were home, Benny got to work putting the thing back together. He seemed to fly into a manic fugue state. He worked rapidly to put the old machine together, connecting every odd end, beginning to sweat as he did so. His eyes became deranged, and then suddenly, with only the power cord left to plug in, he stopped.
He stared into the black abyss of the old machine’s monitor, and did nothing for a long minute that stretched out into eternity. Benny put the power cord down and shoved it into a box. I didn’t question this. If anything I was relieved. I hadn’t realized it until just then, but as Benny was putting the thing together I had started to feel a deadly pressure building in the back of my skull. I didn’t dare ask why he stopped, worried that I might accidentally reignite his resolve.
Together we chose to forget the old machine. Or so I thought.
The last few months of our senior year passed, and they were the best months I’d had with Benny in a long long while. I think collecting that beige heap of plastic, that old machine, it had brought something to a close for him. Whether it was simple catharsis or something more I’ll never know, but I’ll cherish those last few months for the rest of my life. It was the last I’d ever see of Benny again.
With college came real distance, and although we kept in touch through video and text, we never met in person, the times just never lined up. Benny was his own man, and although it brought a small amount of heartbreak to my parents that their adoptive son never seemed to find the time to visit them, they were more than anything glad to see that he at least seemed to be enjoying life. That was definitely the facade he sold on social media.
It was at the start of my second year at college that I got the first wisp that something was wrong with Benny. He sent me something, a file that I couldn’t open, in a format that I didn’t recognize. I thought it must be some kind of obscure meme, but when I couldn’t decipher it, I got a pit in my stomach and I sent him a brisk “wtf?”
He never replied.
It was the last of anything I would ever get from Benny personally. A few weeks later my parents contacted me to tell me that Benny had killed himself.
What followed was a rapid procession of life. That I somehow managed to continue to turn in my school work for the next week or so, was a fact. That I then used the following fall break to attend Benny’s funeral was also true. Mixed in there was a meeting with a lawyer that let me know that I was the sole inheritor of Benny’s estate. This all happened, and I have a very superficial recollection of it all. But in truth I was half a ghost myself. My body– no –my soul, had gone into a form of catatonia. I became an unchanging statue, a rock in the ever flowing stream of life. Things happened, but they seemed to flow past me in a ceaseless stream of almost memories.
On the last day of the fall semester, in a fit of pique depression, looking for something to occupy the void of my soul, I remembered the message that Benny had sent me. I redoubled my efforts to decipher the unknown file type, and scoured the internet for a decoder or playback device that would be able to read it for me. Eventually I stumbled on the answer. It was a type of sound file. With that information it was surprisingly simple to find an app to play it back.
I brought the file over to my phone, and loaded it into the app, and hit play. What came out were whispers. I dropped my phone like it was made of hot iron. The phone clattered to the floor, but kept playing the whispers, which remained just at the edge of audibility no matter how far away I retreated from them.
When it finished playing I was relieved. I also realized I had understood none of it. Unlike the whispers I had heard in my childhood, these had been unintelligible. I tried them again, but although I could hear something I could make out nothing. But I knew a way that I could. The old machine.
The next opportunity I got, I went home. I went back up to my room to look for the old machine, but of course it wasn’t there. It hadn’t been there for a long time. Benny had taken it with him when he went his own way during college. I had to ask my parents to help me find it, and they directed me to the garage, where boxes of Benny’s old things were piled up. Things he had taken with him and things that he had acquired while he was away at college. The old machine was packed into one of those boxes, with a sticky note on the screen. A phone number, possibly left there by Benny himself.
I took the box up to my old room and got to work putting the old machine back together. Slowly it came alive, and bit by bit I felt that dreadful pressure building in the base of my skull. As I connected the monitor to the thinking guts I felt a spark of awareness, as if I was suddenly in danger or being watched. As I connected the peripherals, the pressure around my skull grew heavier and I began to sweat. The feeling only intensified as I plugged the thing into the power, and it came to a pique when I finally connected the strange phone stand to the internet. It’s alive! Gods of all faith and creed, help me! It’s alive!
I turned it on.
The screen lit up, and I noticed that I’d forgotten to remove the sticky note that had been placed there. I ripped it off and crumpled it in my palm as I watched the old machine finish its startup sequence.
I’m not sure what I expected. I certainly hadn’t expected it to feel so normal, or look so mundane. The operating system was definitely proprietary but other than that it felt no more alien than Windows, or Apple. Navigating it felt as natural as anything.
I found the program that would allow me to interpret the whisper recording on my phone. It was the same one that would normally connect to the internet, except this time instead of letting the translator hear the bulky beige phone, I would put my smartphone up to the translator while the recording played. I did this, and for a few tense moments nothing seemed to happen, and then I noticed that something had been downloaded onto the desktop.
The file was called “Dad(1)” and for a moment I felt like an idiot. The “(1)” appearing after the word “Dad” suggested that a version of this file was already downloaded, and of course it would be, this was probably where Benny had sent me the file from. I checked the now translated file and saw that it was a video. The thumbnail showed a man sitting at his desk.
Benny’s dad.
My hand trembled as it reached for the mouse, and clicked on the video.
The video was a top down perspective of the study, and it started at 100, there was no buildup or context to what was happening on the screen. Benny’s father was skinning himself alive. The footage of it was grainy, and was twice as disturbing for it, because the more skin that Benny’s father peeled off the more grainy red pixels appeared on screen.
It was difficult to tell how much of this Benny’s father was doing of his own volition. Heavily pixelated expressions of agony played on his face. He twisted and squirmed, he writhed in pain and appeared to yell into the ceiling as he striped reels of flesh from his arm, and then his legs, and then his chest, and on and on. I couldn’t look away. As much as I wanted to look away I couldn’t, I was forced to watch by my own horribly morbid fascination. God help me. No. God forgive me. I. could. Not. Look. Away.
It was Benny’s father’s twisted and pained flailing that covered the study in blood, leaving the room red and sticky. How he produced so much blood, and in fact, how he had been able to remain conscious this whole time was a mystery to anyone. The act didn’t stop until a light appeared from offscreen, and then suddenly Benny’s mother barged into the study to see her screaming husband. He tried to skin her alive as well, but she fought back. They began to wrestle each other, slipping in the wet puddle of his blood. Soon the blood itself stopped being the worst thing on display, as the father’s viscera began to spill out of him, the membrane that had held it together inside his abdomen splitting open in the tussle. It was an awful scene, and still, I couldn’t look away.
The fight continued like that for some time. With the two of them on the ground, fighting for control of the knife that the father had used to skin himself alive. Even with half the father spilt and spread around the room it was a hard won victory for Benny’s mother. She finally managed to wrestle the knife away from the dying man, and plunged it into his chest, just as shadows appeared from the direction of the doorway. The mother broke down as police aimed their guns at her, and then the video ended.
“Did you like it?” appeared in text over the end of the video.
“What the fuck?” I remember saying out loud.
Why hadn’t Benny turned this in? I thought. His mom was dead, sure, but why not clear her name? Why hadn’t he told me straight away what he’d found? Why had he– I didn’t let myself ask that last question. Instead I unclenched my palm, and looked at the crumpled sticky note. If there was a logical answer to any of this, then maybe it was on the other end of that number. That’s what I told myself anyway.
I put my phone away, and picked up the phone attached to the old machine. It took a few tries to get the method of dialing correct– I’d never used a rotary style phone before, and I didn’t know how to spin the wheel to “dial” the number that I needed, but I managed it. The phone rang for a bit, and then the whispers started to erupt from whatever black beyond I called.
I placed the phone on the translator, and on the monitor, the desktop came alive. The old machine’s proprietary web browser opened and landed on a bare bones white webpage. It reminded me somewhat of a dark web directory.
The dark web isn’t as difficult to navigate as you might think. The difference between a dark web site and a regular one is that dark web sites are unlisted, meaning they don’t show up on search engines, and often they require special browsers and specific URLs. Those URLs are usually kept on some kind of surface web directory. This looked a lot like that. A list of URLs ran down the bare bones page in a ladder of blue.
They were hyperlinks, all of them, and one of them stood out to me immediately.
“Do you want to see how he did it?” It read.
It shouldn’t have freaked me out. There was no way that link could be talking about Benny, which is where my mind went first. There was simply no way.
So I clicked it. And I guess… there was. Somehow there was a way.
I won’t say what I saw. It wasn’t nearly as graphic as his father’s death. In that sense it wasn’t nearly as “interesting”, but even still I can’t bring myself to recount it. It’s too personal. In that way it was much much worse, so much worse. The look in his eyes… despair. There was something almost beautiful about it.
No.
There was something beautiful about it.
At the end of the video, a familiar message popped up.
“Did you like it?”
A box beneath the video asked for a reply. I typed one in.
“Do you want to see more?”
Another box. Another reply.
I saw more.

After 6 years I finally did it. I only started with the company as a college job to get me by, and man.. hindsight, am I right? I sold my soul as a DH, and when the opportunity came to be certified, my dad was so proud of me. He was born in 41, didn’t make it past the 9th grade, so all the things I was doing, he was kinda living vicariously through. There’s not a soul that he knew that didn’t know about me and how excited he was for me to be a pharmacy tech. He unfortunately passed before I officially became certified due to my school schedule delaying it. So.. I took a break from school to work full time to try and help my mom, and to finish what my dad was bragging about. And I did it, for him. For 4.5 more years.
I never made a 4 point rating or higher. But I had a patient put me in his will for some of his best knives (I collect, thanks to inheriting my dad’s big collection). When I worked the floor, I was never champion of a bay. But I used my own resources and left over end-of-life care materials, to support my patients when the medical supply store was closed and they ran out of mouth sponges or other things. When I worked photo, it never mattered how many surveys I got. But it did matter to this lady that I helped create photo art of their loved one and printed it off poster size for the funeral. They made sure it was posted in the newspaper, too.
When I worked the floor.. no one but me noticed this young boy’s obsession with magic cards and why he would always come in all alone. I noticed. I noticed when he was short on money, too. Gradually found out on our weekly visits, he’s in foster care, a recent change. He did odd chores to earn spending money, but he felt like it was a chore to them to keep him sometimes. His mom was really sick but was working on getting better. He loved dirt bikes and wizards. His science teacher got on his nerves but he promised he’d keep listening to her anyways because I said to. I always seemed to have just the exact amount on me to make sure he got his cards, and I always made sure he got himself a snack, too. He was so young he never realized when he was short change, but don’t worry we learned lol. A few of my regulars would catch on and eventually we had a small fund for him when he came up short. [Fuck policy; I wanted that kid to have something to look forward to at the end of each week.] I noticed the day he came running in there, with the biggest smile on his face I had ever seen. He had all his cards he had bought from me over the last several months stacked in his hands. Apparently it was a decent set, he was proud of it. His mom was coming home “for real” in a few weeks, and he couldn’t wait to show her all the cards he collected. He also said he couldn’t wait for her to meet me; and that day he wasn’t buying cards, but they were going out to have dinner with his mom. He had to make sure his foster parents stopped by on their way so he could be sure to tell me. I hope our paths cross again someday soon and I can give him the biggest hug. And I’m not a hugger.
When I worked at Walgreens, I had a family transfer to three different locations, across three different counties. Every time I transferred, they followed, even when their insurance wasn’t contracted. And now that I’ve left Walgreens, they’ve followed me yet again as well as several others. Because it’s not the services YOU are providing Walgreens that keeps you in business.. it’s employees like me, like my coworkers, some of the best dang pharmacists I’ve met, that keep business flowing.
When I worked at Walgreens.. I cared about my patients and customers; more than that company has in the last fifteen years. I’ve quite literally cleaned their blood off the floors before. And I was the sole reason EMTs knew the person was on blood thinners and changed their course of action to help save them. Because I chose to care.
Now it’s time to start caring about myself a little more and returning to school in the future.
A sincere and whole-hearted good riddance, Wags.

Hello all,
My brother and I want to visit America from Ireland in Summer 2025. We want to travel throughout the Northeast, hitting the following spots - Boston (3 nights), Rhode Island (2 nights), Connecticut (1 night), NYC (4 nights), Philadelphia (3 nights), Baltimore (1 night), D.C. (3 nights).
We then want to make our way down to Florida, probably by air (but maybe those long-distance buses could be an option), and visit the following - Tampa (3 nights), Miami (3 nights), plus time in the Everglades (We're not sure how many days would suffice there. Is it just a one day trip sort of thing?). Perhaps there should also be a stop in between the west (Tampa) and south (Everglades) before we hit Miami? Maybe Naples? Not sure. We're also not sure about going all the way down to Key West with the tourist prices.
These destinations and the duration in each are of course preliminary and are open to advice. We're don't have a particular interest in Disney or Universal and so are currently omitting Orlando. We'd be flying into Boston or D.C. (whichever is cheaper) and then home from Florida. Or vice-versa if that works out cheaper. It'd be around June into July, roughly 20-30 days.
The main thing we're figuring out is the rough cost of the trip so we can start preparing funds for it. We are budget style backpackers more than comfort travelers who are used to travelling cheaply. We're currently estimating between 3k-4k including the transatlantic flights from Ireland. But we're not sure since we've not done America before. We plan to eat fast food/street food most of the time plus the odd restaurant meal here and there. We won't be going out every single night. If you can offer any guidance, we'd appreciate it. Thanks.

In 2020 my uncle in TX passed away. I drove down to be with my dad and cousins and help with squaring away his affairs and cleaning out his house. That included cleaning everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) out of his truck.
The day before I had to drive back home, the funeral parlor called saying they had his ashes ready to be picked up (in the box on the dashboard in the photo). We decided to take him for one last ride on the backroads of West Texas as he was so prone to do, himself. We loaded up a cooler full of beer and set out in his truck - dad driving, me in the passenger seat and my brother and dad's gf in the back.
Bouncing along the dusty and rutted out roads, we drank and reminisced about my uncle, sharing memories and crazy antics that he had gotten into. As we rode along, I was admiring the layout of the dash in his truck and we kept flipping back and forth between radio stations for songs that he enjoyed and sports updates wondering how much money he would have won or lost on that game.
Dad was telling a story about one of their adventures and just as he was finishing, we both happened to glance down at the dash and saw a beer token from the Legion Hall my uncle belonged to. Dad picks it up and hands it to me, "Here, go have a beer on Danny."
The shocked realization hit us both at the same time. Dad slammed on the brakes. "WHERE the f*ck did THAT come from?!?"
When we were cleaning out the truck earlier that day, we went through EVERYTHING. The console, the door pockets, visors, under the seats... everywhere you could imagine. The only thing left in the truck was the red West Texas dust (which you'll never get rid of). I tried taking that token to see if maybe it had been wedged in a nook or cranny on the dash, but it wouldn't fit anywhere.
I still carry that token in my wallet. When I go the Legion, I'll set it on the bar next to my beer. Bartender knows not to cash it in - that's just me having one more beer with my uncle...