Letters to your boyfriend |

im not sure when else to fit this in but this was when i (F19) was 17. well to start, to say "i went," was an understatement. my parents came into my room at 12 am on a sunday night with school the next day and said "we need to talk" followed by "we're sending you away." and within 3 hours i was on a flight across the country with 0 idea on where i was heading with 2 people i had never met before.
but before i get into all of that ill start from the beginning and give some back story; im not going to lie, i was a shit kid. i stole from my parents, anything from alcohol to money to their vapes. i snuck out on multiple occasions, i lied (A LOT). and this all sounds like typical teenage behavior until you factor in the serious mental health issues (depression, anxiety, etc) and serious drug use. and less important but i had straight A's until my behavior got worse and i started failing almost every class. so although my parents were epitome of helicopter parents, i cannot completely blame my parents for sending me where they did, especially after exhausting every other option they could think of, this was their last resort.
now back to me on a flight, my brain was exhausted and didnt want to fight anymore after i had screamed and cried about going for an hour straight so i slept both flights i got on, i barely remember going through the airports. i lived in the midwest at the time, never travelled west before and was never told where i was going, so imagine my surprise when i wake up in texas, i get on another flight, wake up again in colorado. ill spare the boring details but at this point i was filled in on what was happening and told id be joining my group in just a few hours then we'd all head to utah together. at this point im still getting fast food and the adults im travelling with are letting me pick the music in the car (little did i know this was like last time id experience anything "normal" like that for the next 100 days). now i join my group and it goes well, everyone is accepting and nice enough. we get to dinner, oh god, i think i cried bc it was just straight up burnt instant mashed potatoes. everyone else here was used to that, the last thing i ate just 4 hours ago was a chipotle burrito and a chocolate chip cookie. i know i sound like a drama queen but i did get used to it, eventually and things werent that bad once you figured out the tricks to make it better. and i know im making all of this sound like i was pretty unbothered but trust me i was LIVID with my parents. we could send each other a letter once a week, for the first month all i would write is "hi, im doing fine. -(my name)" i probably wouldnt send anything if my camp guides didnt make me.
now i know a big question a lot of people have about wilderness therapy programs are "did you get abused?" and the answer to that is no, not at all, and i never saw it happen either. there was a VERY strict no touching at all policy for both staff and kids. and any kid had to be with 3 people at all times (example, if it was a kid and a kid there had to be another staff with them, if there was a kid and a staff there had to another staff or another kid, basically kids couldnt be alone with anyone) it was definitely a legit program and im thankful everyday i did get fortunate to get to go to better one than others. every week we'd go on a hikes and camp at a different spot each night, we'd do that friday- monday. tuesday-thursday we'd do chores, showers, therapy sessions, etc. (yes, one shower a week, we were allowed to take more but we'd have to carry the shower bag and soap on trips with already 40 pound packs, and usually when we were done hiking it was near dark and time for dinner then bed, so i never saw anyone take more than one a week)
i dont know how all of this worked or when it clicked in my head that i cant be a little shit anymore but it did. 2 years later i can confidently say my parents and i's relationship has gotten significantly better. i moved out after wilderness bc i had my 18th birthday while there (trust me ik, it sucked, not to mention i also missed halloween, thanksgiving, my dads bday, christmas, and new years,) i moved to the east coast and moving out was probably the best decision, i had broke the news to my parents while in wilderness still, parents/siblings (my brothers stayed home for school) can visit about 2 months in for a few days, i dont think ill ever forget the shock on their faces when i told them i wasnt moving back in after this. i told them i was talking to my therapist about what they called aftercare which was essentially exactly what it sounds like, a place to go after wilderness therapy for more care.
my therapist and i had found a place on the east coast and my parents agreed to pay for it, seeing i was doing much better and they wanted to keep it going. after i got there and got access to my phone back, i did what any single newly 18 year old would do and downloaded tinder, within a week i had a date with a guy who after another 2 weeks became my boyfriend. (sounds fast i know, he told me he knew i was the one after he found out i could start a fire without fuel or a match, he's a big outdoorsy guy lmfao, thanks wilderness therapy for teaching me bow drilling?) he was really accepting and understanding of my situation, it was hard to see each other because i was still under strict rules in my aftercare (only allowed to leave for 2 hours a day without reason 24 hours ahead of time) but we made it work until i confided in him i was getting harassed by my roommate there. after that he moved me out with him within a couple weeks even though we hadnt even been with each other 2 months yet. (i say all of this for a reason, you'll see) now i dont know what me and him were thinking because i had just moved and had 0 money to my name, and he would go out of town for trips once a month which worked for him but now his rent and food costs doubled but we were determined to make it work, especially because we wanted to prove my therapist wrong who had said before i moved out of the aftercare house "if and when, because inevitable you will ask your parents for money because you wont be able to do this alone" this aftercare was supposed to help me get things like my GED, a job, my license, or anything else to help me become independent. and, 2 months of being there, they didn't do any of that. i was basically in the same state i showed up in.
so yes after moving in with my boyfriend we did struggle for about a month, then i got my GED, then a job and my license process started within 2 months. here i am a year and 3 months after moving in, we have our own place, i still have the same job, i have my license, i have a car, and obviously im still with the same guy.
i guess my point of this post were a couple things,

parents, please please please do your research before giving someone else complete care of your kid, i have no doubt in my mind that if i was sent somewhere worse for my mental health i would be a lost cause at this point if not worse, it is so extremely important that the '"help" you're giving is actually helpful
has any one else gone through something similar? havent met many with the same type of backstory.
there is hope and things do get better.

and 4. i guess just to share my story.

Greetings! I'm a guy on the lookout for someone with the potential to become my boyfriend, but let's start as best friends, keeping things strictly SFW. But I am going to ask you that from the start, we both take things seriously, I am not playing here.
What I'm Seeking: I'm searching for a handsome, skinny or average-built, masculine man with a great personality. Let's take the time to get acquainted and see where it leads. Age range: 18 to 25. Could that be you?
About Me: I consider myself more on the masculine side, characterized by love, care, kindness, support, and sensitivity. Writing love letters is a favorite pastime of mine. I value compromise and commitment, and once I fall in love, my loyalty is unwavering.
Physical Description: I have hazel eyes, short dark blonde hair, and an average build. You can also find a picture of me in my profile, along with a heartfelt letter to my future boyfriend, whoever that may be.
Shared Activities: Imagine us making voice and video calls, watching movies, enjoying music together. If this sounds appealing and you fit the description I've given, don't hesitate to send a message. If you don't match what I'm looking for, I'd recommend against it to avoid wasting your time. Thanks, and I'm looking forward to connecting with you all in my DMs.
I'm determined to achieve that success story flair one day! Help me make it a reality!

Hi!
I was in a situationship for a little over 5 months with someone I previously dated. I thought about them often when I was in the relationship I was in between dating them the first time when we were 19-20 and the most recent chapter of time we had together.
When we were younger, we dated for about 2 years and the relationship ended due to hurt feelings on my end because of him being unsure about his feelings compared to how sure I felt in mine, which led to a short, painful period of separation. By the time he realized/decided that he wanted the relationship to continue, I felt myself slowly detaching. I ended up breaking up with him and very quickly began dating someone new. I am not proud of this, and absolutely should have been more communicative about my emotions back then instead of slowly pulling away.
A little over a year ago, I reached out drunkenly after not speaking for almost five years and we began to build a friendship that, after the end of my relationship, quickly evolved into more. We were essentially in a relationship without the label, but with most of the same commitments (frequent texting, sleeping together, etc.). The person in question and I discussed the end of the relationship at length, and I feel like we had worked through many of the emotions and where we could have been better communicators when we were younger, so these sorts of conversations/topics were not off the table.
The situationship ended relatively abruptly, with a late-night text message about a week ago. I do not blame him at all, as I know I feel my emotions very deeply and quickly (similar to all those years ago) and am not good at/have very little experience with casual dating. I entered into the situationship with the hope that it would become more, but that didn't fit with what he needs in his life right now, which I can completely understand and respect. For example, he might want to leave the city where we both currently live to move back to the country where he was born, and he cited enjoying having freedom at this point in his life, which would not be compatible with having a relationship with me.
On the phone after the text message, I told him I would not try to change his mind and I meant it, but I also said things I didn't mean, such as not believing we could have a friendship again. I know it's only been a week, but in that time I've had a lot of time to reflect and do believe that it would be possible for us to have a friendship in time. I do genuinely love this person, and value the role they play/played in my life, even when we were just friends.
I wrote him a letter the day after I received the message and have edited it several times since. The letter is in no way meant to make him change his mind, make him feel guilty, or anything like that. It really is just an opportunity for me to say my piece by thanking him for the time we had together and express that despite what I'd said on the phone, the door is open for a friendship later on. We have to exchange our items with each other next week, and I would put it in the bag with his clothes.
I have only talked to my sister and one friend (a friend from high school who knows me and my heart well) about this, who both think that the letter is a bad idea and that it will leave the door open for me to feel more hurt. I can kind of see where they are coming from, but I also feel like a) I will never know if he reads the letter, so this is less about a desired outcome and more about the cartharsis of knowing that I said/wrote/shared my thoughts, and b) I know nothing will change and that he doesn't want to be with me, so I don't know what the harm is.
HOWEVER, I do want other people's opinions and do not want to share this with many people in my life because it is a little embarrassing.
TLDR: Is there harm in sharing a letter with your ex-boyfriend turned friend turned situationship?

Sorry, this is gonna be a long post! And probably full of typos since English is not my first language, but I really need help here... :(
So, we've been dating since Octobe2022 and living together since July/2023. We've always said we should always be honest and transparent with each other, because we are a team and would always come up with a solution to our problems together, without involving people who are not part of our relationship. We've never argued or anything, we used to have a very healthy relationship, but this changed since we started living together. It's not an abusive or toxic kind of setting, none of that. We just ended up becoming distant because of a few co-living problems (we apparently have very different ways to deal with house stuff and routine, so I'm usually the one doing everything around here and this makes very frustrated sometimes) and mental health issues (we're both autistic and i'm currently going through a depressive episode).
The thing is... 6 months ago he asked me the reason why I was distant and if I regretted our relationship and living together. I said no, absolutely not. And that I knew I was distant, but I didn't feel comfortable with anything at the moment because I was just very stressed out about work, my mental health issues and constantly felt drained because I have to go to the office 2x a week and socializing is really hard for me. He seemed ok with it, but then fast-forward to 3 weeks ago...
I told him we needed to talk eventually because we were avoiding each other and it was becoming unbearable. I felt too overwhelmed and stressed out about everything related to "house stuff". Also, he was being passive-aggressive with me (a friend of mine also pointed it out when we hanged out during a May the 4th gathering my sister organized) and it didn't really make sense because I'm always doing everything to try and make him feel comfortable. He asked me if it was ok for him to leave a letter saying everything he wanted to say, because it was too hard for him to verbalize his feelings and I said I was ok with it, no problem. But then a week passed and he just didn't write a letter whatsoever and I was becoming to anxious, so I said we really needed to talk and if he could at least give me a heads-up about what he wanted to say or at least write the letter down.
We finally talked later that day and I was caught by surprise by him saying that the only problem he had was that I wasn't as affectionate as I used to be before we moved in together. I was surprised because we've had that talk before and I explained to him everything, he also knows that I'm not a huge fan of physical contact. And I've told him before we even dated, when we were just getting to know each other, that I was only able to be a little "touchy" with him because we were only able to spend time together every 2 months or so (we used to live in different states and plane tickets are very expensive). He knew the whole context, but still complained and justified his passive-aggressive and avoidant behavior with the fact that I wasn't as affectionate as before, so he thought he was annoying me and that I was angry with him for not doing as much around the house as I did.
I was a bit frustrated, but we talked about the whole situation again, I explained what I was going through at the moment and how I also felt he was very distant. He said he wanted to break up with me, but he was afraid that I'd be angry at him (he's very traumatized about it because of past relationships) and make him move out immediately, which he couldn't afford at the moment. I said ok, I wouldn't be angry at him (true) and I didn't care if he moved out or stayed because we were friends and it'd be fine by me if he didn't want to move out at all, we could just sleep in separate rooms, I'd help him buy stuff for his room and we could stay like that just fine. I also said that maybe we shouldn't break up right now and, instead, just take a step back to really analyze the whole situation and find out if we truly wanna break up or still date. Like, think about things for a moment to make sure this decision wasn't being made in the heat of the moment and based on misconceptions we both had about what was going on. But if he truly wanted to break up immediately, that'd also be fine by me, I'd have no problem just being friends and I'd give him all the time and space he needed even if we were still living together.
In the end, he decided it was alright to still date for the time being, but take a step back to rethink our relationship and decide what we really wanted. I apologized for not being able to give him what he wanted and needed at the moment (physical contact and affection) because of my mental health issues, but still managed to hug and cuddle him a little because he was crying too much. After that, things seemed a bit fine.
But then, yesterday I found out that he wanted to break up since Septembe2023 and didn't mention anything. He was already looking for apartments to move out since then, but never thought of talking about anything with me, he never even mentioned. Also, he talked about this whole situation with all of his friends (who now hate me and I had no idea, I even told him a few days ago to invite one of his friends to my birthday party next week) and they constantly told him to break up with me. He failed to mention the fact that I was the one doing everything for the both of us, all he did was complain about how I was avoiding him, not talking to him for days (sometimes I go nonverbal, but so does he because we're both autistic...) and also complained I haven't kissed him for months (even after I've explained to him for the first time that I just couldn't be physical at the moment). He's friends said terrible stuff about me, while I was being the dumbass I am and was so nice to them and trying so hard to make them like me. Now that I know they hate me I have no intention of being an asshole, but I'll think twice before going out of my way to make them comfortable, which was something I always did up until now.
I was heartbroken to find out he said awful stuff about me to all of his friends, even his mother (which is completely fine, but seriously?) even after we had that first talk months ago. And what makes me sadder is the fact that he never talked to me about anything, he just went around saying everything he thought was the truth and giving a twisted version of the situation to everyone around us, making it seem like I knew everything he was feeling and just wasn't doing anything about it or changing my behavior to make him comfortable. Meanwhile, he was being passive-aggressive with me and not communicating any of his expectations or feelings.
The worst part for me is that he used to be friends with my ex and before we even started dating I told him I just didn't want him to ever not communicate me stuff. Because my ex would tell me everything was fine, but would say a lot of stuff to his friends behind my back and everyone hated me for stuff I just never did. And now, he's doing exactly the same, which makes me very frustrated. This ex would make up situations and lie a lot about our relationship to his friends who I didn't have contact with... I have a lot of trust issues and I've tried to be transparent with him since the beginning, trying to communicate everything even if it makes me very anxious and stressed out... but he didn't do the same and would also say bad stuff behind my back, as if I wasn't doing anything to keep our relationship together, while I was literally doing more that I could for the both of us.
Right now, I don't know if I should mention that I found out about this whole situation and confront him about why he didn't talk to me about it before, or if I should just let it go and keep my cool. Maybe let him talk about it if he ever feels like it, I don't know. I just feel so betrayed and sad, because it's really hard being around people you now know hate your guts, but pretend to like you while telling your boyfriend to break up with you. I already feel very low because of the depressive episode I'm going through and I feel very alone all the time because I have a hard time making friends, so it's really hard for me finding out that the people I thought I was becoming friends with secretly hate me.
Should I break up immediately, or should I wait some time to have a conversation about this specific topic? I'm not sure if he'll ever mention it later on, and I'm also not sure if I'll be ok with still being in a relationship or even being friends with him knowing he "lied" about a bunch of stuff and made people hate me.

About a year ago I broke up with my ex boyfriend but I never told him the exact reason why and I have felt the urge to get this off my chest in the form of a letter to him. We are no contact now, and it would be rude of me to message him out of the blue with this. He is probably still not over the break up and just wants me out of his life. I respect that. But I really needed to write this down somewhere. So here it goes:
I didnt break up with you because I wanted to meet new people. I broke up with you because you're a coward. You dont want to experience anything because youre too fucking scared of the world. We were together for 6 years and you never cared to do anything together that involved going out of the house. We never went on a proper vacation in 6 YEARS. You take no risks because youre too scared to make mistakes. You have no friends, no hobbies, nothing. All you do is play video games and complain that you're miserable because of your depression and adhd. But youre too scared to actually go out and live your life to improve anything about your situation. Always playing it save, never taking any chances or risks, everything has to be meticulously calculated and planed at least 2 weeks in advance. Near the end of the relationship you did improve a bit, and we actually managed to spontaneously go to the cinema once. I was so happy but at the same time I realized I was living off of crumbs and still starving. I couldnt live like that anymore. It made me miserable and it took all the joy out of my life. Sometimes you just have to jump head first into the cold water and see what happens. But you're a coward. I know you have social anxiety, but that doesnt excuse it because you were never willing to do something about it. I told you many times that I need you to be more active and that I want to do things together. Its not like I didnt try or wasnt patient enough with you. Rather the opposite. I stayed too long in an unfullfilling relationship because your fear of everything rubed off on me. Everytime we would go outside together I could feel your entire aura shift. I became scared to be myself because god forbid I embarass you. You would push me around in the grocery store because you felt like I was inconveniencing others with my presence. And all I was doing was putting tomatoes in the basket and someone behind me was waiting for their turn. God forbid I laugh out loud or be spontaneous. You almost treated me like a stranger when we were outside, not showing any affection, not even holding my hand. I cant even begin to describe to you how much that hurt me. I also never took you with me when I was invited to parties, because you're just not fun the be around, and it would make me not have a good time knowing that you're uncomfortable and just want to go home anyway. Maybe it was unfair of me to expect so much of you. Maybe thats just who you are and we're too incompatible. I saw the fun and outgoing person you can potentially be and clinged onto that, hoping you would change, but you never did.
We've been broken up for a year now. And even though I have my struggles I am so much happier. Because Im actually living my life. I'm meeting so many people and am learning so much about myself. Im making mistakes, sometimes I'm reckless, and I dont always say the right thing but Im learning so much because Im actually living my life, experiencing the bad and the good. I feel alive for the first time in 6 years. Too long I waited for you to change. And when I decided to stop waiting and do what I have felt in my heart was the right thing to do for a very long time, I finally started living the live I had always dreamed of having. I dont have a lot of money, I have my fair share of mental issues, and sometimes life is unfair to me. But I am out here actually living it instead of hiding away being afraid of anything bad that might happen.
I dont know what you are up to these days, but the last time I saw you a few months ago you didnt seem to have changed much. I wish I told you all of this when I broke up with you, maybe it would have helped you, but I couldnt do it at the time. Now I don't really care anymore. I wish you all the best though.
If I have learned anything from this relationship, it's to NEVER date someone's potential. If you are dating someone, ask yourself "would I want to marry this person just like they are right now, knowing they will not change, and spend the rest of my life with them?" and if the answer is no you know you are not dating them, only the person they could potentially be. Don't do it.

(Heyyyyy everyone, it’s currently 2:05 am Pacific standard time and I’m kinda bored and kinda just want to babble and rant so if this isn’t your cup of tea then yall can scroll on by :). )
Anywho, I (22F) have a partner (23M) and we’ve been together for 7 months now. I won’t lie, this is my first healthy relationship I’ve had in a LONG time. Last time I EVER had a healthy relationship was in the 10th grade (was in that relationship for 1yr and 4 months). In my past relationship my exes were toxic, abusive and narcissistic. After my high school boyfriend (10th grade) andI broke up I kinda spiraled into a deep depression and it didn’t help having abusive parents as well so at 16 I went looking for love in all the wrong places, which I totally regret 🤦‍♀️ now obviously. But it eventually got worse and worse after every relationship I went into it was trauma after trauma. My worst relationship was when I was 16 and he was 18 and he had alot of issues. He would get angry and kinda Hulk out and throw things and break things. He would hit me and I didn’t have any help. The police didn’t believe me, my parents said I deserved it so…for a long time I thought that was normal. No one told me otherwise. But somehow I found strength in myself and left that relationship but I still ended up with guys like him because I was so blinded in love and wanted to be loved since I wasn’t loved at home. So I thought I could find it in a man but boy was I wrong. Now fast forward I’m 18 living on my own and started therapy again and I finally found real strength and self love within myself and for a little while I stopped dating and just focused on myself and on my life. When I was 20 I started dating again but eh it wasn’t really working out. Then last year (21 yrs old) I moved in with a friend and started downloaded dating apps and started dating again. That is when I met my current partner, my best friend, my love, my boyfriend 😍🥰! It’s still crazy to me, I was on those dating apps last year just for shits and giggles. I wasn’t expecting anything and I was also just looking for more friends too. But he one day liked my profile and I read his bio and he seemed like an interesting guy so, I liked his profile back. Let me just say that liking his profile was the BESTEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE!!! This maybe cheesy and corny but it truly was like love at first sight but instead of it being at first sight, it was almost like our souls knew each other. When we met for our first date, it was like I knew him, it was like my heart and soul met him before. It’s hard to explain how I felt and still feel. But I just felt INSTANTLY comfortable and connected to my boyfriend. We went on a few more dates and then he asked me to be his girlfriend and of course I said yes 😁. We are currently long distance at the moment, so spending time with him is so precious to me and makes seeing him even more special! But yeah that’s my love story and how I met my partner 😁. He is the first green flag I’ve ever met in real life 😅😂💀. He is so sweet and so caring. It’s so weird to me!! I’m still getting used to being treated like a Queen. I’ve never ever got affection from my exes unless it was sex, I never got gifts or cards or letters from my exes, I never got flowers or valentines day stuff from my exes, it was so bad that I wasn’t even allowed to express myself or my emotions to my exes because they would call me over dramatic or I’m being hormonal or that my feelings don’t matter so I should just shut up…that was all I ever got from my exes. So being treated correctly for the first time in a long time is awesome, sweet, overwhelming and confusing all at the same time. I know these feelings stem from my ptsd from my family and my past relationships, I am getting better ❤️‍🩹 from it. But wow, just wow!! I never knew being loved the right way was a real possibility for me until I met my partner! We have already started talking about marriage and such. He wants to get married and have kids just like me, so we’re on the same page thankfully. We also talked about how we’d want our wedding to look like and I swear! It makes me so giddy and has me kicking my legs up in the air like a little girl whenever we talk about our future!! I 100% see him in my future and he see’s me in his future too. I feel like I’m finally getting my happy ending after 21 years of pain and trauma. To everyone who has reached the bottom of this post, just know NEVER 👏🏼 SETTLE 👏🏼 FOR 👏🏼 LESS!!! It doesn’t matter what age you are or who you are (unless you’re a shitty toxic person) YOU 🫵🏼 deserve to be treated right and loved correctly!! If you’re in a shitty or abusive relationships GET OUT!! You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. If you need help getting out of the relationship, get help. There are resources available to help you. Please remember your worth, love yourself always and don’t take the bare minimum or the bs in a relationship. Anywho, it’s getting REALLY late now (it’s 2:48 am). I’m heading to sleep now. Goodnight you lovely, amazing people! Remember CHOOSE YOU AND LOVE YOURSELF!! Have a great night or day 😄!

So some back story. Ill try to keep it short but there's no way. I just need to vent.
About 5 years ago my wife of 25 years decided she wasn't in love with me any longer. I signed us up for couples therapy and she bailed after 3 sessions. Her reason was it was up to me to make her fall in love with me again. Over the next year it was decided that we were going to divorce. She also comes up with the an agreement where we sell the house after the last 3 kids graduate high school. The agreement is pretty one sided to her favor. She wants to have the house appraised at the time of divorce and I get 50 percent of its value at that point in time. Not when it sells which is a few years later. A few things about the house. Its in a very nice suburb for Seattle. I found it the late 90s for 75K. We bought it and a few years later we had our first child and she decided to be a stay at home mom. I was good with it. Over the next 5 or 6 years we had our other 3 kids and life was good. I worked full time and over that time I fixed up the house on my own. It was originally 750 SF so as the family grew I added on as we needed the extra room for the kids and eventually built the standalone garage. And I did all the work myself. She was a stay at home mom. It went this way as the kids got older. When to 2 youngest were in 7th grade I started pushing for her to get a job or maybe go to back to college or take some classes in some interests that she might develop into a career that she would enjoy. Nothing ever came of that but she did get a few jobs were she worked part time and made minimum wage. I kept the bills paid and provided a nice stable home and life for our family. I even started assistant coaching football and baseball for the kids teams so I could spend after work time with them. During that time she was a great partner, wife and mom. Life was good.
Then, as you know, the SHTF. We start the process of separating. I eventually converted our standalone garage to an apartment to live in as we worked stuff out and I also didn't want to live apart from our 4 kids (15,15, 17 and 20 ) at the time. It gets pretty awkward over time. She wants us to split time in the garage apartment every 30 days where we switch. During that time we had decided to divorce so it was official. So by now its more than a year and a half later. I've moved on and actually started seeing someone and she's getting love letters in the mail from someone. I didn't care if she was seeing anyone but the letters delivered to the house where the kids could see them. That was rough. We start negotiating the divorce and she initially wants alimony for life. In Washington state it's generally 1 year of alimony for every 5 years you're married and she wasn't happy with that but oh well. We do a mediated divorce and I agree to pay 5 years of alimony which mounts to about 125K (2K a month) for her. Also, If you don't know, she gets that money free, and I have to pay the taxes on it. Yet another crappy thing that Im bitter about. And up to that point Im paying for everything, the mortgage, utilities, food ect just like we are one happy family. So after her 2k she gets from me our finances are calculated and we are suppose to be both making the same. She's a bit over with her part time job pay so she's suppose to pay me $200 a month. She doesnt think its fair so anyone want to guess how many months she actually pays that $200 to me. Im sure you know the answer (its 0 BTW)
The divorce is finalized and I moved out. Over the course for the divorce I meet someone and we hit it off. We actually have been living together for 4 years now. Her guy moves into the house I found, fixed up and paid for for 25 years. One of the kids lived with me for a year because of covid and the other kids decide to stay in the house. Not because of the relation with me but I moved about 45 minutes away and they have their friends there and are working closer to their childhood home. Me and the kids have a great relationship.
Any how. over the last 2 years of our last 2 in high school all I got from her is I need more money for the kids. Keep in mind Im Im giving her alimony and monthly money for the kids as well. When they turned 18 I told her that I was going to give the kids money directly to them and not through her. She in turn started charging the kids rent and remember the apartment I built. She charged our oldest son 700 a month to live there while he was still in college barely scraping by. I've also bought every one of my kids cars paid for health car and car insurance as well. It was a rough time for me.
So eventually she offered to buy the house outright. She offered me 60K. I literally laughed at her. I countered with 125K and no more alimony. Which represented a 25% decrease because I was cashing her alimony in a lump sum. She stated that she deserved every bit of the alimony. Tons of back and forth and at this point i'm sick of it and dealing with her and accept 100k just to be done with her. So now, I have nothing to show for 25 years of work. Im so bitter over that. About a year ago my daughter was going to start college in alaska. Her and her long term boyfriend (4 years all though high school) were going to attend the same college and of course they break up 30 days before they were going to leave together. I have to scramble and pay about 5k to get her there. I fly with her to get her settled in. I mentioned to my X that she should help with the cost as well. She says that was a deal make with our daughter and she wouldn't be helping with the cost in anyway. Of course all think about is all the times she called me asking for more money to "help" the kids. Im steaming just thinking about that. Since then I haven't texted the ex even related to the kids.
So its been a rough ride and I have dealt with a ton of emotions. I kept up with seeing the counselor now and then to keep me head on straight. I feel I've lost everything and in this economy there's no way I can purchase another house of my own. Even making the money I do which is pretty good. Im bitter and pissed but every day things come in line and I've learned to move on.
THEN.....THEN after 5 years of ups and downs I get a text from my ex. She's going on about how she wishes her and I can be friends. Hoping someday that we can spend time together with the kids for holidays or something. Then she says "I really never wanted to get a divorce from you" it was just how things worked out. What the fuck?????
All I can think is that she is typing that text to me from my old house that is now worth 1 million on zillow that she lives in with her guy. I wonder if he knows she's sending me that. I really brings me back and messes with my emotions again.

I am not The OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: u/ThrowRA_Elisax & u/WanderingInMyDreams
I (25F) have face blindness, my BF (24M) likes to test me. How do I make it clear this is not okay?
Previous BoRU
Originally posted to relationship_advice & AITAH
Editor's Note: Prosopagnosia, also known as face blindness, is a neurological disorder that makes it difficult to recognize faces and facial expressions
TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse, manipulation, sexual assault
Original Post Apr 4, 2024
Hi y’all, sorry for posting this. If it’s not okay, I can delete it.
I’ve been with my bf for almost a year now. I love him dearly, and he loves me too (I’m guessing) but there’s one thing that’s causing a lot of issues for us.
I suffer from prosopagnosia/face blindness, which means it’s really hard for me to recognise people’s faces. I usually go by other characteristics to put a name to a person, like hairstyle/facial hair, marks, skin colours, accessories, etc. But it’s still really tough.
It’s caused me severe anxiety & other mental health struggles.
I’m lucky to have wonderful people around me though, who are aware & try to help. They’ll introduce themselves when we start talking, wear something they know I’ve linked to them, or whatever.
Usually my bf does this too, but sometimes he likes to ‘test’ me & it’s incredibly stressful. He shaved of his beard once, a few times he wore a completely different style of clothing, or changed his hairstyle, all without warning me. In those moments he won’t tell me who he is, or say someone else’s name, just to see if I’ll figure out it’s him. He’ll make jokes saying he’ll try to switch with one of his friends & see if I’ll stay ‘loyal’.
I usually do realise it’s him, but it causes me a lot of anxiety.
We’ve had big fights on this. He says he’s allowed to change his look (‘i’m not a cartoon character’), I ask him to warn me.
Don’t get me wrong. He cares about me, but I don’t think he get’s how stressful it is. How do I make it clear? (We have A LOT of great times together, there’s just this bump.)
Update: It’s hard to imagine I made this post 19 hours ago & now I’m in the middle of breaking up with him. I’m very tired so I’m going to keep this short.
I went to talk to him, showed him this & told him he can’t do it anymore. The conversation was.. a lot. First he was angry I made this post, then he was angry I was taking it all so serious. Lot’s of apologies & so on.
He again said he was just trying to make a tough situation more light, I said it’s too much. He said I can’t take a joke & I need to let him be him. That he always tells me when he’s been joking and if he was really keen on hurting me he’d just do things & not tell me, so him telling proves he cares. (That one got me v uncomfortable.)
At one point he said he just wanted to test if it was real, because I could just be using it as an excuse to do anything. I left after that cause we were just going in circles. There was a lot of me making an issue of ‘one small thing’.
I’m exhausted. He’s still blowing up my phone with love & apologies, but you guys made me realise a lot. Thanks, really. I’m trying to stay rational about it but it’s hard, because I do care about him a lot.
I’m gonna get a few hours of sleep. Thank you again.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
CheapDepth2155

He is messing with your safety does he not realise that?

OOP

I don’t think he realises how confusing it all is. There’s been a moment he did the opposite, acting all weirded out when I thanked him for a nice date, saying it wasn’t him and though I knew it was, I still started to doubt myself. He did say it was a joke soon after but it caused such a panic. He hasn’t done it again but it took me a long time to feel comfortable again.

shitmykidsays

Making someone feel unsafe is not a joke. Gaslighting someone you care about is not a joke.

~
blueavole

Holy smikes that’s terrifying.
Not to recognize a familiar face with a major change like that. - that is like nightmare fuel.
That your bf does it to you, multiple times on purpose is scary.
I don’t know if there is a way you can explain it to him if he doesn’t get it. It seems he enjoy your panic. Which is not a good thing in a partner.
If this was my partner I would get a tattoo or something. And I don’t have any.

OOP

My dad actually got a tattoo on his arm for me, which is a great comfort.
I hadn’t realised how messed up everything is, until reading all these replies.

~
LegitimateDebate5014

Your boyfriend is basically abusing you in emotional situations. He thinks it’s hilarious you struggle and get severe anxiety which isn’t normal, nor does it mean he cares about you. This is a huge red flag

OOP

Abuse is a really big word, but I do agree it’s not okay. I’m seeing him soon, we’ll see how it goes.

Update Apr 8, 2024
Hi y’all. Hope it’s okay I post a little update. Things went bat-shit crazy.
A lot has happened in the last days.
I’m really grateful to you all, honestly. I wasn’t aware about the real meaning of his ‘pranks’ and what it said about him & our relationship.
I went to talk to him the same evening I made that post, with the intention of making clear he can’t pull all that anymore.
The conversation ESCALATED.
We talked for hours into the night & every day since. There’s been a lot of messages.
He got angry about the redditpost I made (I showed him), angry at you guys, angry that I couldn’t take a joke & listened to strangers.
Said things like he in the beginning didn’t believe I actually suffered from it, and would use it as an excuse to cheat on him. That now he does believe, but - due to bad break-ups in the past - he has a hard time trusting I won’t use it as an excuse regardless.
Said he was joking about it because he wanted to make a tough situation lighter & that’s just his sense of humour. That if I loved him, I’d accept that.
When I made it clear I was done, it got even worse. He began apologising a lot. Said he didn’t realise it was such a big thing for me (again, didn’t make any sense with all said before.)
In the same breath he said that he at least told me. (To the people who thought he actually had planned to trick me by using one of his friends, I think y’all may be very right.)
To be honest I was done. I do care about him a lot (can’t just shut that off), but it’s never going to work.
There’s been many many messages/calls/etc.
He dropped some vague hints that sometimes he pulled ‘pranks’ I wasn’t aware of. I don’t know if that is true, or he’s just in a bad place right now.
He also came to my place to apologise again. But I suspect he didn’t expect I’d immediately recognise him, as he didn’t apologise till I said his name.
He’s not evil, but just very messed up rn.
I blocked him everywhere, told him not to show up anymore & that a friend would give him his stuff.
I’m going to delete this account soon but, I wanted to thank you guys for helping me realise it. I genuinely don’t think I would have. I’m heartbroken, but a bit relieved as well. Thanks for all the support & kindness.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
trippyhippy

I'm glad you broke up! Someone who loves you shouldn't ever do that to you.
Just curious about your condition. Do you also have issues with recognizing voices as well as faces? I can only imagine how hard it must be to deal with.

OOP

Actually voices are one of the traits I go by to recognise someone! Voices, posture, tattoos, hairstyle, and so on.
Thank you loads.

NEW UPDATES

AITAH for not giving my ex the closure he’s asking for because he messed with my face blindness? Apr 21, 2024
This is probably a bit stupid but that boy has got me questioning my own mind. Either way, sorry if this is a bother.
I broke up with my bf a few weeks ago. I had realised - in part thanks to Reddit - that some of his behaviour was absolutely not okay & when I tried to talk to him, the conversation escalated to me breaking up with him.
I have a pretty severe case of face blindness/prosopagnosia. It means I can’t recognise/remember people’s faces & go by other characteristics to try & put a name to someone. (Voice, (hair)style, posture, etc.) People around me know & introduce themselves when we meet & other things to make it easier. (I have a lot of anxiety because of it.)
He used to try & test me, which gave me a lot of stress. Changed up his look without warning to see if I knew it was him, and a lot more. He called it pranks. (He is a jokester.)
So, we broke up. It’s been a lot. He’d been calling/messaging non-stop with both apologies & non-apologies, ‘till I blocked him.
In moments of a lot of emotion I said things like I never wanted to see him again, and he’d reply that he was hurt, that I wouldn’t even know if it was him & I was lucky he wouldn’t do it.
Made me feel icky.
He’s contacted me again yesterday - through a new account - saying he just wants one more face-to-face conversation, if only to give him his stuff that is still at my place & get some closure so we can both move on.
I said my plan was to get a mutual friend to bring it over to him. He was hurt.
He did seem a lot more calm than before & told me we were together for a year, he just wanted one conversation after I suddenly broke things off. That he had some time to process now, etc & that he doesn’t understand how he suddenly - after a year of loving each other - became so evil I couldn’t have one chat with him.
But I don’t feel good about it. My gut’s telling me this will not be a good conversation, my worst fears are telling me he might play a trick to prove some point.
WIBTA if I don’t reply anymore/just say no?
Edit: I didn’t expect all these replies. I hope it’s okay I respond like this. Thank you all, really. I think I knew already but somehow started to doubt myself. (The past weeks have been a lot.) I really appreciate & needed these words.
I’m ready for all of this to be over & done with.
Also just a little thank you in general. Reddit’s been a wonderful community & it’s helped me a lot.
Update: AITAH for not giving my ex the closure he’s asking for because he messed with my face blindness? May 11, 2024
EDITORS NOTE: Changed initials to names for easier reading
Here’s my previous post, for who’s interested. (And before.
Hi!
It’s been a wee bit, and since I’m still getting messages about this, I thought I’d just give one big update for this.
So more than a month ago I broke up with my BF because he kept pulling ‘pranks’ involving my face blindness. (I can’t recognise faces & am dependent on other aspects to recognise someone, and even then it’s still confusing.)
After that he’d been bugging me that he wanted to meet up, so we could get some closure. My gut was telling me not to, but I felt guilty.
With you guys’ advice (& my own gut feeling) in mind, I decided not to go. I asked a friend, Roger, to go bring him his stuff & kept him blocked - including blocking the new accounts he’d made.
Roger came back with a letter from him, to me. The letter in itself was v apologetic. He even said he was grateful for our time together & took full responsibility. It ended with him saying he’d respect it if I chose not to reply or message. Honestly, a lot of very respectful words.
I still decided not to get in touch. (Still trying to get over the break-up myself.) But I did appreciate it, till I found out he wasn’t letting go like he said.
Roger & some other mutual friends let me know he was asking them about me A LOT, if I had read the letter, if I was seeing someone else (already?!), and so on.
Couple of days ago he showed up at my place. He was clearly not sober & v upset. He just seemed so broken, so I - stupidly - let him in.
For a while he was just being miserably nice, while I got him water & stuff. But the more sober, the more angry he got.
At that point I messaged basically everyone I knew to come. I didn’t think he’d hurt me, but I didn’t feel comfortable being alone with him regardless.
Among the many accusations of me not even having the decency to reply, that I clearly never cared about him & that I was a horrendous person, he told me ‘I cheated on him & didn’t even know it’ so how could I blame him for not trusting me?
I’m not gonna lie, I was trying to stay calm but failed. (And I know I should have not lost my cool.) I screamed at him, asked him what he was talking about.
Apparently on a night out with him & others, he asked his friend Mike (who knows of my face blindness & has similar characteristics as my ex, part from a v different voice & smell) to ‘swap’ out with him, and kissed me. And I didn’t know.
I don’t know if he’s lying or not. But knowing I was drinking & in a crowded, loud room, I know it’s a possibility. Especially since Mike tried to kiss me another time, though then I immediately realised it was him & lost my shit at him. (When I told my then bf, he was more angry than I had ever seen him, so idk if that time was a ‘plan’ as well or not. Either way Mike is a disgusting human.)
I know it’s ‘just’ a kiss, but it did make me feel sick to my stomach just thinking about how they might have played me.
I told him to get out, he didn’t. Luckily it didn’t take long for some people to arrive & get him out. I’m endlessly grateful for the people I have around me.
I’m staying at my parents’ place now, took a break from work & am looking into therapy. My mom & dad (who got a tattoo years ago just so I would never doubt it’s him) are treating me like a princess & reminding me of the kindness people deserve.
Haven’t looked into a restraining order, but might if it continues.
Thanks to you all for helping me see what’s right in this situation. Reddit has been a wonderful community I am very grateful for. I probably won’t update anymore, as this is over & done with. But I’m glad I got to pour my heart out to y’all.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Heavy on the spoilers and devoid of all brevity, but if I do not get this off my chest I will lose my mind. I’ve been on a Shatter Me high all week. The first three books have altered my brain chemistry. I have said the words “Aaron Warner, the man you are” so many times I am beginning to question my sanity. I cracked open Restore Me last night, fully prepared to trust-fall into the arms of my #1 Fictional Boyfriend of all time.
So, um, what the fuck was that?
Look, I can forgive messy plotlines and overwriting, I can ignore ill-planned and lazily-executed rebel coups. I can even appreciate the absurd surplus of metaphors and similes crammed in between strings of dialogue, if for no reason other than comedic value.
What I can’t get behind is Book 4 Aaron Warner.
Seriously, who is this guy? Because I’ve gone through the five stages of grief, turned around and reread the entire book in frank disbelief, and the only conclusion I can possibly come to is that I’ve somehow picked up an imposter, written in very bad faith. When Adam Kent did a 180 in Ignite Me and went from “gentle, pathetic childhood crush who can suffer through Juliette’s touch in some small capacity” to “bitter, controlling ex-boyfriend driven mad with jealousy,” we all understood this to be much-needed fan service. Juliette was, after all, being an idiot; she needed a little push, to realize that Aaron Warner was the undisputed crown jewel. Most of us came to this conclusion two and a half books ahead of her, but better late than never. I walked away from Ignite Me feeling content. The power couple has been established. Anderson is dead. Juliette’s rise to Supreme Commander was satisfying, if a bit hasty. I went into Restore Me confident that, with Aaron at her side, Juliette could achieve anything.
The transition was…jarring, to say the least.

“The Reestablishment does not allow time for people to grieve.” - Book 3 Aaron.

(Alas, this is Book 4, and *insert obligatory Bob Dylan joke*)
The Times, They Are a’ Changin’
Anyway, what I’m getting at here is that Aaron is grieving, he is mourning, he is SAD. This is totally understandable, both to me as a reader and to Juliette as a character. It appears to be the guiding factor behind his new penchant for stonewalling and emotional blackmail. Before diving into THAT can of worms, I’d like to add a couple of bullets to my list of “Miscellaneous What-and-Why-the-Fucks:”

Why does Juliette have zero advisors? Where is her council? Her attendants? Her scribe? Her translator? Her GUARDS?
What, exactly, is Kenji’s job? She refers to him as her “second-in-command,” and while I adore his character, I can’t help but feel that lending snarky input does very little in the way of running a tight ship. Why is she entirely on her own?

Moving on.
A TIMELINE OF SHITTY EVENTS, IN WHICH I HANG UP MY ‘ADAM KENT’S #1 HATER’ JACKET AND SHRUG ON MY ‘AARON WARNER SUCKS’ VEST:

~~Juliette is trying to make peace between two unruly schoolboys who refuse to get along at the playground.~~ Sorry, Juliette is trying to make peace between two grown men, both of whom appear, in some capacity, involved in the running of North America. This is going “Not Very Well,” if Aaron’s botched haircut is any indication. Fortunately, he comes to terms with his Slim Shady Era, and while he’s clearly going through some things, I could roll with the punches and learn to love the buzz cut, if only he didn’t IMMEDIATELY TURN INTO THE JOKER AFTER THIS.
Aaron knows better than anyone else about the role and responsibilities of a Supreme Commander. Still yet, he appears completely uninvolved in Juliette’s day-to-day regimen. He makes zero effort to inform her about details that might save her from needless embarrassment. Her fuck-ups seem imminent. Perhaps this is why he has no inclination to avoid them, nor lessen their impact on her pride or public image. Slim Shady is a lone wolf. He has completely forgotten that whole “I’ve told you from the start, we would make an excellent team” spiel. North America is a One-Woman (De?)establishment. Kenji appears to play the role of court jester, though he lends emotional support when necessary–and always with more empathy and forethought than Regent Warner, who, I might remind you, has the power of READING ENERGIES (“hers, especially”).
Enter Delalieu, to inform Juliette her quarters are overflowing with unanswered mail, and worry that this may reflect poorly upon her as a new leader, to which she’s like “I have quarters?” This revelation comes on the heels of Castle’s memo that “all of her correspondence is being monitored.” I suspect somehow this is Castle’s fault, which brings me to my follow-up point.
In Book 4, Castle becomes less of an incompetent hippie and more of a prick to Juliette. He terrorizes her with cryptic warnings, but refuses to divulge any information he may have about Warner’s past, which–given her new status–seems like it ought to be grounds for some sort of official noncompliance. He also had her reach out to the other supreme commanders “as an experiment.” It was at this point I decided I wasn’t a fan of how everyone kept undermining or making a mockery of Juliette at every turn. I couldn’t help but notice how Castle’s comments to Aaron about her went entirely unchecked. I am reminded, if you will, of that scene in Shatter Me, when Aaron staged a big spectacle in which a soldier was killed, to ensure his men knew not to fuck with Juliette. He seems to have forgotten this virtue, in Book 4.
Despite being warned that Ibriham’s children are en route, Aaron lets a conversation with Kent take precedence over informing Juliette what to expect, how to dress, what to say, etc. Castle also informs him once Haider arrives. Juliette chooses to meet Haider without waiting for Aaron, but he should have been there regardless. He can FEEL her energy, he doesn’t need her to say it out loud to realize she’s insecure and needs him to be there, and she wouldn’t BE insecure about so much shit if he would step in and stop allowing everyone to make her the butt of every joke!!! Where’s that supportive boyfriend act you roped us all in with, buddy? Also, literally neither she nor Kenji know jack shit about politics, why would he let them walk into a meeting with the children of foreign leaders entirely blind?
Speaking of the meeting with Haider, Aaron has a closet full of clothes organized by color and shade; yet he didn’t think to help Juliette pick out a new wardrobe for her designation as Supreme Commander? He literally chose her entire last wardrobe, and look, I get it, they’re busy with war things and his evil dad is dead and that’s sad and all, but don’t introduce us to a standard you can’t maintain! She goes to meet this snotty rich boy in BLUE JEANS AND A PINK SWEATER. Kenji “cringes” at her. This was so humiliating I literally felt my face getting hot when I read it.
Again, Castle specifically *told* Aaron when Haider arrived, but when he and Juliette discuss it later, he turns it around on her to justify why he didn’t show up to support her!

“You didn’t tell me he’d arrived earlier. I wish I could’ve been there to assist somehow.”
Like, are you fucking kidding me? Again, he can FEEL her energy; he is well aware that she spent that meeting getting humiliated, and still decides to make his absence a product of her incompetence. Like, his entire pep talk after this left me filled with visceral rage.

Allow me to share this absolutely infuriating passage in Aaron’s POV:

“She [Nazeera] has the same long legs and lean frame as her brother, and she carries herself with great pride, like someone who was born into position and privilege. She wears a gray tunic cut from fine, heavy fabric; skintight leather pants; heavy boots; and a set of glittering gold knuckles on both hands.
And I’m not the only one staring.
Juliette, who’s been watching quietly this whole time, is looking up, amazed. I can practically see her thought process as she suddenly stiffens, glances down at her own outfit, and crosses her arms over her chest as if to hide her pink sweater from view. She’s tugging at her sleeves as though she might tear them off.
It’s so adorable I almost kiss her right then.”

Are you fucking SERIOUS? So she is here, dying of embarrassment, already feeling inferior because she’s comically underdressed and only speaks one language, and his response is to GAWK AT A HOT GIRL IN FRONT OF HER AND INFANTILIZE HER IN HIS INNER MONOLOGUE. “I’m not the only one staring” ???? Be so for real right now, like I am lost for words!

Aaron is “fairly certain” and generally insistent that Castle’s suspicions will prove false. Like, why would Castle just be pulling random hunches like this out of his ass? When I read it, I was like, “Hmm, kinda sounds like Aaron is just rationalizing why he isn’t going to tell Juliette any of this.” Spoiler alert: I was right.
Aaron sits in silence and watches Juliette flounder helplessly while trying to explain to Haider how she only sort of knows what the “Continental Symposium” is.* OH YEAH, DID I MENTION IT IS ALSO TWO DAYS AWAY? Like, Aaron clearly knows this is a big deal, it appears to be a tradition of sorts. Why is he once again letting his girlfriend be humiliated and condescended by their guests? He also *CRINGES,* he CRINGES at her for not knowing about it. Like, at this point I am beginning to greatly resent this man.
He also doesn’t defend Juliette when Haider calls her “some idiot psychotic girl” TO HIS FACE. RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. Actually, SHE steps in and defends HIM. I wish she hadn’t. After this, in his inner monologue, Aaron is like, “I wonder if she knows I would do anything for her.” FUCKING DO SOMETHING WARNER, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
Juliette peeks in on Aaron in his office, finds him listening to old vinyl, discovers he likes Bob Dylan. ME TOO, BUDDY, I’ve seen him live. Might I suggest a little less “Like a Rolling Stone” and a little more “Just Like a Woman,” “Tangled Up in Blue,” “Lay Lady Lay,” ‘COZ I AM BEGINNING TO HATE YOUR ASS FOR THE WAY YOU ARE TREATING JULIETTE!
Again, Aaron is fully aware of Castle’s warnings that people are coming for Juliette. WHY is she walking unarmed and unguarded on the beach at night? That’s right, because he ran off with Haider to count gold coins or suck each other off or something, leaving her to be sad and alone and not on the lookout for danger. Once again, he fails to come through and keep her safe, and she gets hit with some kind of bullet or dart or something.
AGAIN, why is Castle allowed to stand here and disrespect Juliette right to Warner’s face, invalidate her and tell him how HE should have been the one who became Supreme Commander? Like, she already has zero support around her whatsoever and this rat is allowed to talk shit about all the things she does and doesn’t know, what she gets told, and potentially also her MAIL. Why hasn’t Warner killed this fucker yet? Warner, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?
Remember when Aaron was clever? Yeah, me too. He seems to have abandoned that trait in Book 4. Things like “taking basic precaution” no longer hold any precedence. He and Juliette have, however, found the time to fuck twice, despite having no time or opportunity for all the critical conversations they’re not having that could have redeemed Aaron Warner in my heart and mind. P R I O R I T I E S.
*slams the back of his head against the wall in frustration* I actually had an ex who did this once when I caught him cheating. It is not something intelligent people do, in my experience. I am beginning to hate Aaron the way I hated Adam. Side note, I still hate Adam. Glad he kind of disappears after the first couple of chapters.
Great, Juliette is now hallucinating from poison bullets. Good thing Aaron is there to…look really scared and terrify her even more. Moral support? Don’t know him! Just…staring fearfully, jumping in to prevent her from going outside. Maybe a pat on the head or something would help…no? Okay then.
At this point he decides it’s time to fess up. He couldn’t have chosen a worse time, by the way. Juliette asks if it’s okay if she washes the blood and sand off first (she was just attacked on the beach, remember?). She is clearly still sick and “hallucinating” (seeing the bright white lights outside of her window, the way people do right before they die). Maybe he could…I don’t know…HELP HER? Run her bathwater? Help her clean up? Yeah no, he just nods. She can do all that by herself, just like everything around here. Juliette, girl, if you don’t kick this deadbeat to the curb I’m gonna SCREAM. P.S.: WHO IS THIS MAN? THIS IS NOT THE AARON WARNER I KNOW. Remember how he remembered to bring gloves and a coat for her before he dropped her off at Omega Point? They weren’t even dating yet. How hard did he slam his head into the wall? Maybe he should keep going. Maybe he would like a little help? I’m not busy at all rn.
See the thing is, now Aaron has to do a big fess up about Juliette’s life. He’s obviously lied and withheld some vital information, but more importantly he spent a couple of years torturing a sister she doesn’t know about yet. And while I realize he didn’t have any CHOICE in this particular matter, I also loathe him at this point for a ton of other shit he’s done leading up to this, so it’s really hard to feel sorry for him when–REALLY THEY FIND TIME TO FUCK AGAIN AT THIS POINT? SOMETHING IS FUCKING WRONG WITH THESE TWO. I can’t help but notice she’s “crawled on top of him” both times now. Guess she’s doing all the work in the sack, as well. Remember that “flip over on your stomach” line from Ignite Me? That guy is dead now. This dude blows and I hate him. Separate LOL at “onto to the floor.” That’s really in there. You can check.
So the only time these two can communicate is during coitus. Cool. Maybe instead of reminding each other of their mutual love, they could reinforce their bond with something like…confessional hour? Maybe Aaron could use his energy to feel her energy and figure out something safe to say, that isn’t super fucked up and wrong. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.
CONFESSION TIME! She starts crying when he gets to the “Reestablishment is coming for you, they’re coming to take you back” part. This is pretty reasonable, but he doesn’t pause to reassure her about it before he’s like, “Oh yeah and about your SISTER–” At this point she actually asks him to stop, probably so she can digest some of this horrifying information, but he says, and I quote, “No.” I really feel like he could have paused for a few minutes to let her process, maybe find some solid ground to stand on(since the man whose lap she is sitting in is a spineless moron and awful boyfriend, and thus not at all likely to be of any assistance).
Juliette panics. Again, this is not entirely unjustified. Aaron speaks seven languages, none of which are “reassurance,” or “comfort,” and so when she actually gets up and runs away he just…accepts it. I want a refund. I want the first three books to apologize for love-bombing me. I made this man my #1 book boyfriend of all time. THIS Aaron Warner…this man is a fraud and I hate him. She should honestly just hook up with Kenji. At least he still calls her princess. Has Aaron called her love even once in this book? It’s possible I missed it, over the sound of his ceaseless letdowns from Chapter One onward.
Aaron has a panic attack. Luckily his nemesis Kenji is there to comfort him. Why is no one worried about Juliette? While we are all crying over Warner’s psychosomatic breakdown, she is hysterical, hallucinating poison, has a voice in her head, and is being hunted by some kind of evil bureaucrats and possibly her own parents.
Allow me to share yet another passage that made blink in disbelief:

He [Kenji] shakes his head. “You just can’t, man. You can’t be with someone and keep that many secrets from them.”
“It’s never stopped me before.”

At this point, Mafi, I already hate him. You did not need to include this passage, at all.

**PARAPHRASING** Kenji’s like, “Hey man, you’re kind of being shitty to your girlfriend by not telling her about things like all your exes.” Aaron is like, “Well, I wouldn’t have ever done anything to hurt her (barring all those things I did to hurt her), but since I already lost her, who cares? Water under the bridge!” To which Kenji reminds him that ‘water under the bridge’ means Juliette can go out and fuck someone else, and Aaron doesn’t like the idea of that, so he decides he probably wants to fix things, after all.
Aaron: “You couldn’t have called, Lieutenant? Isn’t that what our phones are for?”

Nothing significant here, although it is news to me that they have phones. When did they get phones?
Anyway, turns out Delalieu tried to call him, but Warner disconnected his phone. Can we like, demote this guy or something? This guy SUCKS.

Juliette chooses the moron’s escape route (blind sprint into the open night), and gets snatched up by Jazeera (who can fly). This is the first time Jazeera has shared said secret with anyone, which she confides when they land in a tree. It’s a really great time for these two to kiss, and it’s only fair. After all, Warner never had any friends, so this childhood friend of Warner’s technically doesn’t count. Juliette lets Aaron block her blessings once again, but Jazeera is nonetheless more emotional support than Kenji and Aaron put together. You know, I usually read fantasy to ESCAPE the disappointing reality of Men. This book is reminding me they manage to infiltrate even sacred spaces like fiction. Jazeera is sucking on a hard candy, and I’M turned on, but Juliette is sad, so I’ll be quiet.
Jazeera tells Juliette that Warner isn’t a bad person. Unfortunately, I must disagree. She’s still hot so I’m still listening.
Lena Mishken? Yeah, no, never heard of her, but once again thank the gods for Jazeera, who spills the tea. It is…entirely embarrassing that since-revoked #1 fictional boyfriend Aaron Warner would let this information have to come to his girlfriend through a near stranger’s gossip, but turns out Lena is Aaron’s EX-GIRLFRIEND. I wonder how he could forget to mention a thing like that. Maybe Good Guy Aaron Warner didn’t anticipate she would still be part of the global, troubled teen Brady Bunch they’ve all been part of since they were kids, who are all apparently coming to visit. I’m not sure why he didn’t anticipate this, and I’m also not sure why all these people are showing up for this “Continental Symposium.” Symposiums typically involve presentations of some sort, that is the extent of my knowledge. I am sure if that was the case here, Warner would conveniently forget to remind his girlfriend about it. I am truly convinced at this point he gets off on humiliating her, so he’ll really enjoy making her walk on stage unprepared for something like this. I personally preferred when he was firmly ddlg/cgl coded in books 1-3. Uhhh, I would have appreciated a tw for this kind of content rebranding, but no matter.
Did I mention Lena and Aaron were together for TWO YEARS?
Did I mention Lena and Aaron only broke up EIGHT MONTHS AGO?
Did I mention the Reestablishment is planning to destroy Sector 45?
Also Lena is Russian. That seemed arbitrary, unless we are just supposed to know she’s extra hot or something. I don’t think Juliette needed any more tearing down, actually, but duly noted!
Lena shows up outside of Warner’s room. Let me include this tiny snippet from his POV:

“Open the door, asshole.”
“You never did hold back with the flattery.”

Okay, this second line is what I would consider ‘flirting’ and I don’t like that. Good thing I decided I cannot stand this man like, twenty chapters ago, so at least this isn’t anything unexpected by now. This character is utterly irredeemable to me, and I wish I could act like I didn’t cry about it, but I can’t. I am devastated by the character assassination that took place in this book.

Next up, Lena is attacking him because he broke up with her through a letter to his mom. Nothing surprises me at this point. Also, there is this:

She’s still thrashing against me, landing several kicks at my shins when I finally manage to gentle her arms and pull her close.

Suddenly, she stills.
My lips are at her ear when I say her name once, very gently.

This is an...awfully intimate way to subdue your ex-girlfriend. This would end any relationship in its tracks, for me. Also Kenji is here watching this all happen. He will not say a word to Juliette about it, if my guess is correct.
Why…did the author do this? I am literally sick to my stomach. This is worse than never getting a fourth book. I am really so hurt.

Juliette has gone 2009 Britney and shaved her head. I really cannot take anymore humiliation of this protagonist who spent two and a half books learning how to make eye contact with other human beings and is now being torn down and betrayed by every single person she has ever cared about.
For some reason Kenji and Warner walk in at this point. She is obviously wrecked and in her underwear, with a half shaven head. It’s nice to confirm that Kenji has sided with Warner in the breakup. This is the most debasing experience for me. Like I was really here for the found family and learning how to trust in love tropes. I wish I had never opened this one, to be quite honest.
Warner talks to Juliette like she is a small, crippled animal (she is, essentially, and I would call this at least 75% his fault, but moving on). She is pathetic and drunk and we’ve all been there and I do not want to listen to her idolize her piece of shit boyfriend she broke up with but will get back with in the morning. She begs him to stay and hold her and he obviously can’t do that and still play the victim so he goes to the living room. I am honestly sick to my stomach.
Warner has some “woe-is-me” inner monologue that I skim because I hate him with a burning passion at this point.
Juliette wakes up and is, predictably humiliated. Now she has to go in front of all these terrible rich snobby assholes after manic shaving her head bald the night before. The author attempts to turn it into a big empowering moment, but this simply is not realistic as the author has just spent the entirety of the book tearing down and crippling every shred of confidence this girl gained over the course of the first three books.
Lena is transphobic. That is an odd detail. Moving on.
Warner tells Juliette he likes her hair. She asks him why he didn’t mention Lena. He tells her it “wasn’t a real relationship.” He tells her it was “purely physical.” The only explanation at this point is that the author did not want to write another book, but then she continued o write books after this so…I have no idea why she destroyed this man’s character so meticulously. I am honestly at a loss for words.
Juliette is reasonably upset about this, and Warner launches into explanations and excuses for why he doesn’t think before he speaks or consider her feelings the way he did when he was trying to steal her away from Adam. Like, at this point it is safe to say Adam Kent was telling the truth, despite the fact that he also sucks very hard.
He’s like “blah blah before you I never wanted to get close to anyone.” Well you clearly had no problem getting CLOSE to her, but you also refuse to be emotionally vulnerable with Juliette, so all of this is useless rabble and he is just a narcissist trying to win back a girl who will probably forgive him at the end of the day, to her own undoing. He says some lies and then ends with, “Give me another chance. Please. I swear on my life I won’t disappoint you.” Yes, yes, this is what they always say. If you keep refusing he’ll promise to go to therapy, too, Juliette, this is a universal experience and not the one any of us wanted when we cracked open this book. He kisses her after that and it’s special because it’s in front of all these people he’s been humiliating her in front of for like however many days it’s been now.
After their kiss, Juliette runs away for…I don’t know. Theater?
Castle shows up and pretends to be a father figure to Aaron, for some reason. I don’t like him so I don’t care to elaborate.
Juliette stands at a podium and gives a speech about what she wants to make better in the world and nobody wants that so a bunch of people in the crowd advance on her and she gets shot in the forehead but she’s invincible somehow. Once the first bullet doesn’t do anything they all start shooting. It’s okay because she screams and kills 554 people, which may or may not have been real, I’m not really following at this point. She runs through all her old friends, most of whom she’s just killed, and then a couple greet her and tell her they’re her parents and they’ve come to take her home.
Warner’s POV is blank. He’s probably still alive. Who cares? He’s ruined either way.
Juliette wakes up in a child’s bedroom. Spoiler alert: it’s hers. She starts snooping and finds a letter from Warner’s dad about how they’ve found a suitable family for her (she is obviously the “her”). She finds photos of her and her sister before school, then photos of her, her sister, and Nazeera. Oh yeah, then she finds a photo of her and Aaron together as kids. Her real name is Ella.

This is all good and fine, the plot twist was even cool. But there is literally no salvaging what was done to Aaron Warner’s character or his relationship with Juliette in this book. Like, what was the point? I literally have cried way too many times about this and I thought reading it a second time would convince me I am being dramatic or embellishing the level of betrayal I feel but no, like, I am certain this was devastating.

Basically my ex girlfriend of 2 years and I had a drawn breakup that officially ended yesterday. The breakup lasted about 2 months until we finally decided to move on. I’m still heartbroken and she’s focused on moving forward with life. I expressed how much I wanted to change and fix things and still do throughout those 2 months, yet she finally expressed how if it’s meant to be then it will be. I wasn’t the best boyfriend to her, and after I had crossed her boundaries and didn’t fulfill on promises one too many times, she finally had enough and broke up with me. I had already given her a letter intended for her and another letter Intended for her parents.

Below is the letter that I gave her with some extra few sentences tacked on at the end. Specifically starting with the “I’m in love with your daughter” part. When I gave her both of the letters, we had agreed not to give them to her parents since we still weren’t sure if we’d be talking more or might make up soon at that point in time. So I can only imagine that she didn’t give her parents the letter that I wrote for them and won’t since that will only remind her and them of me again which is the last thing that she wants. But yesterday I had talked to her and told her where my head was at and how I’m still hopeful for a future. She wasn’t and expressed how she just wanted to move forward. I’m well aware that if I do give her parents this letter, regardless I’m going to completely give her space and just let time do it’s thing. I just feel as though this is eating away at me if I don’t get it off of my chest, and I would like her parents to know where my head is at as I already let her know where my head is at. And I would like for them to know how appreciative I am of them.

Let me know if this letter sounds good for my ex girlfriend’s parents and if I should change or leave anything out:

“I just want to say thank you for allowing me to date your wonderful daughter and for always treating me so kind and welcoming whenever I stepped foot into your home. I truly felt like your home was my second one. Thank you for trusting in me that I was always going to take care of her, I would’ve gladly given my life if push came to shove. Whether we were on the other side of the country or at work I knew if I was with her then I was good. She had told me that she always felt safe when she was with me as well which til this day is easily one of my proudest accomplishments. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out between me and your daughter, at least at the moment, but let me tell you, you guys did one hell of a job raising her. She is truly the most remarkable woman that I know by a mile, and knowing how you both are such wonderful people there’s no wonder why she turned out so amazing. She’ll never truly know how much I care about her. Yet thank you again for always cooking for me, playing games with me, inviting me over for events, letting me make myself at home in your home, respecting our privacy and showing me all the love in the world. I never had a close, big family household growing up so every time that I went over and experienced it myself it was truly nothing short of wonderful. I’ll never forget how you guys let me spend Christmas with you when both of my parents were away, and thank you for letting your daughter spend Christmas with my family. I know how big of a deal that was and I wish I could spend every Christmas for the rest of my life with her. You guys are nothing short of amazing people and (my gf’s name) is truly one of a kind. I was excited and looking forward to asking for your permission for (my gf’s name) hand in marriage sometime soon down the line Mr. (My gf’s last name). Given our situation right now it doesn’t look too promising, but a man can dream, can’t he? She knows that I’ll always love her but I’m always going to have an immense appreciation and respect for you two for always treating me like one of your own and letting your daughter give me the greatest experience of my life to date. I’m in love with your daughter. I have told her this already but I believe that she’s the love of my life, and that we’re meant to be. She needs to be away from me right now, which going forward I’ll respect. Yet I told her already that I’m not giving up on her. Changes need to be made, and regardless of if she cares or not, I’m going to make sure that if our paths cross in the same way again, that it will be in a different and better manner. I made mistakes which led us to where we are now. I wasn’t the man that she needed me to be and I didn’t treat her as good as I should have. I’m aware that giving this letter to you guys may only disappoint her further, yet I felt the need to tell the both of you along with her about where my head was at at the moment. I tried to show her how we can work, all the while she was expressing how she just needed to be alone. I let my fear of not being able to live without her turn into reality because I just couldn’t respect her initial request for space. She was kind enough to let me talk to her and hang out with her for a little while after the fact. There are plenty of things that I would do differently if I had the chance, yet our last days of talking and hanging out along with the good memories that we share are ones that I wouldn’t trade for anything. If I ever get the pleasure of being in her life the same way again, and stepping foot in front of you two in the same way again I’ll make sure to keep it that way. Regardless of what the future holds, your daughter gave me the greatest gift that I’ll ever receive, and I’ll forever be grateful. I understand that we may not get back together, yet I’m hopeful that we can and I’m hopeful for a future with her despite her current feelings towards me. Our chemistry has always been undeniable, it still is. I know that what we had wasn’t working, yet I know at one point it was, which gives me hope that it can work again. I love your daughter. I would like to cherish her like she deserves to be cherished for the rest of my life. I want to be by her side for the little moments along with the big events and everything in between. And even if that won’t be the case, I’m grateful for the time that I had with her because I can say that I got to experience true love at least once in my life. I’ve told her this before but you two are great role models of how a healthy relationship/marriage should look. I respect you two for that and I’m glad that she is constantly being exposed to something that wonderful. And I’m glad that I have something to aspire to work towards. Thank you for everything. I wish you all the best and hope that our paths may cross again in happier circumstances.”

TLDR: Is this a good letter to write to my ex girlfriend parents? I want to let them know where my head is at and how appreciative I am of them. Me and my ex ended things on a relatively good note, yet she broke up with me because I wasn’t treating her good and she had to put herself first. She is now almost adamant that she doesn’t want to get back together and wants to move forward with her life. Should I send this letter and if so what should I change or take out?

Basically my ex girlfriend of 2 years and I had a drawn breakup that officially ended yesterday. The breakup lasted about 2 months until we finally decided to move on. I’m still heartbroken and she’s focused on moving forward with life. I expressed how much I wanted to change and fix things and still do throughout those 2 months, yet she finally expressed how if it’s meant to be then it will be. I wasn’t the best boyfriend to her, and after I had crossed her boundaries and didn’t fulfill on promises one too many times, she finally had enough and broke up with me. I had already given her a letter intended for her and another letter Intended for her parents.
Below is the letter that I gave her with some extra few sentences tacked on at the end. Specifically starting with the “I’m in love with your daughter” part. When I gave her both of the letters, we had agreed not to give them to her parents since we still weren’t sure if we’d be talking more or might make up soon at that point in time. So I can only imagine that she didn’t give her parents the letter that I wrote for them and won’t since that will only remind her and them of me again which is the last thing that she wants. But yesterday I had talked to her and told her where my head was at and how I’m still hopeful for a future. She wasn’t and expressed how she just wanted to move forward. I’m well aware that if I do give her parents this letter, regardless I’m going to completely give her space and just let time do it’s thing. I just feel as though this is eating away at me if I don’t get it off of my chest, and I would like her parents to know where my head is at as I already let her know where my head is at. And I would like for them to know how appreciative I am of them.
Let me know if this letter sounds good for my ex girlfriend’s parents and if I should change or leave anything out:
“I just want to say thank you for allowing me to date your wonderful daughter and for always treating me so kind and welcoming whenever I stepped foot into your home. I truly felt like your home was my second one. Thank you for trusting in me that I was always going to take care of her, I would’ve gladly given my life if push came to shove. Whether we were on the other side of the country or at work I knew if I was with her then I was good. She had told me that she always felt safe when she was with me as well which til this day is easily one of my proudest accomplishments. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out between me and your daughter, at least at the moment, but let me tell you, you guys did one hell of a job raising her. She is truly the most remarkable woman that I know by a mile, and knowing how you both are such wonderful people there’s no wonder why she turned out so amazing. She’ll never truly know how much I care about her. Yet thank you again for always cooking for me, playing games with me, inviting me over for events, letting me make myself at home in your home, respecting our privacy and showing me all the love in the world. I never had a close, big family household growing up so every time that I went over and experienced it myself it was truly nothing short of wonderful. I’ll never forget how you guys let me spend Christmas with you when both of my parents were away, and thank you for letting your daughter spend Christmas with my family. I know how big of a deal that was and I wish I could spend every Christmas for the rest of my life with her. You guys are nothing short of amazing people and (my gf’s name) is truly one of a kind. I was excited and looking forward to asking for your permission for (my gf’s name) hand in marriage sometime soon down the line Mr. (My gf’s last name). Given our situation right now it doesn’t look too promising, but a man can dream, can’t he? She knows that I’ll always love her but I’m always going to have an immense appreciation and respect for you two for always treating me like one of your own and letting your daughter give me the greatest experience of my life to date. I’m in love with your daughter. I have told her this already but I believe that she’s the love of my life, and that we’re meant to be. She needs to be away from me right now, which going forward I’ll respect. Yet I told her already that I’m not giving up on her. Changes need to be made, and regardless of if she cares or not, I’m going to make sure that if our paths cross in the same way again, that it will be in a different and better manner. I made mistakes which led us to where we are now. I wasn’t the man that she needed me to be and I didn’t treat her as good as I should have. I’m aware that giving this letter to you guys may only disappoint her further, yet I felt the need to tell the both of you along with her about where my head was at at the moment. I tried to show her how we can work, all the while she was expressing how she just needed to be alone. I let my fear of not being able to live without her turn into reality because I just couldn’t respect her initial request for space. She was kind enough to let me talk to her and hang out with her for a little while after the fact. There are plenty of things that I would do differently if I had the chance, yet our last days of talking and hanging out along with the good memories that we share are ones that I wouldn’t trade for anything. If I ever get the pleasure of being in her life the same way again, and stepping foot in front of you two in the same way again I’ll make sure to keep it that way. Regardless of what the future holds, your daughter gave me the greatest gift that I’ll ever receive, and I’ll forever be grateful. I understand that we may not get back together, yet I’m hopeful that we can and I’m hopeful for a future with her despite her current feelings towards me. Our chemistry has always been undeniable, it still is. I know that what we had wasn’t working, yet I know at one point it was, which gives me hope that it can work again. I love your daughter. I would like to cherish her like she deserves to be cherished for the rest of my life. I want to be by her side for the little moments along with the big events and everything in between. And even if that won’t be the case, I’m grateful for the time that I had with her because I can say that I got to experience true love at least once in my life. I’ve told her this before but you two are great role models of how a healthy relationship/marriage should look. I respect you two for that and I’m glad that she is constantly being exposed to something that wonderful. And I’m glad that I have something to aspire to work towards. Thank you for everything. I wish you all the best and hope that our paths may cross again in happier circumstances.”
TLDR: Is this a good letter to write to my ex girlfriend parents? I want to let them know where my head is at and how appreciative I am of them. Me and my ex ended things on a relatively good note, yet she broke up with me because I wasn’t treating her good and she had to put herself first. She is now almost adamant that she doesn’t want to get back together and wants to move forward with her life. Should I send this letter and if so what should I change or take out?

Basically my ex girlfriend of 2 years and I had a drawn breakup that officially ended yesterday. The breakup lasted about 2 months until we finally decided to move on. I’m still heartbroken and she’s focused on moving forward with life. I expressed how much I wanted to change and fix things and still do throughout those 2 months, yet she finally expressed how if it’s meant to be then it will be. I wasn’t the best boyfriend to her, and after I had crossed her boundaries and didn’t fulfill on promises one too many times, she finally had enough and broke up with me. I had already given her a letter intended for her and another letter Intended for her parents.

Below is the letter that I gave her with some extra few sentences tacked on at the end. Specifically starting with the “I’m in love with your daughter” part. When I gave her both of the letters, we had agreed not to give them to her parents since we still weren’t sure if we’d be talking more or might make up soon at that point in time. So I can only imagine that she didn’t give her parents the letter that I wrote for them and won’t since that will only remind her and them of me again which is the last thing that she wants. But yesterday I had talked to her and told her where my head was at and how I’m still hopeful for a future. She wasn’t and expressed how she just wanted to move forward. I’m well aware that if I do give her parents this letter, regardless I’m going to completely give her space and just let time do it’s thing. I just feel as though this is eating away at me if I don’t get it off of my chest, and I would like her parents to know where my head is at as I already let her know where my head is at. And I would like for them to know how appreciative I am of them.

Let me know if this letter sounds good for my ex girlfriend’s parents and if I should change or leave anything out:

“I just want to say thank you for allowing me to date your wonderful daughter and for always treating me so kind and welcoming whenever I stepped foot into your home. I truly felt like your home was my second one. Thank you for trusting in me that I was always going to take care of her, I would’ve gladly given my life if push came to shove. Whether we were on the other side of the country or at work I knew if I was with her then I was good. She had told me that she always felt safe when she was with me as well which til this day is easily one of my proudest accomplishments. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out between me and your daughter, at least at the moment, but let me tell you, you guys did one hell of a job raising her. She is truly the most remarkable woman that I know by a mile, and knowing how you both are such wonderful people there’s no wonder why she turned out so amazing. She’ll never truly know how much I care about her. Yet thank you again for always cooking for me, playing games with me, inviting me over for events, letting me make myself at home in your home, respecting our privacy and showing me all the love in the world. I never had a close, big family household growing up so every time that I went over and experienced it myself it was truly nothing short of wonderful. I’ll never forget how you guys let me spend Christmas with you when both of my parents were away, and thank you for letting your daughter spend Christmas with my family. I know how big of a deal that was and I wish I could spend every Christmas for the rest of my life with her. You guys are nothing short of amazing people and (my gf’s name) is truly one of a kind. I was excited and looking forward to asking for your permission for (my gf’s name) hand in marriage sometime soon down the line Mr. (My gf’s last name). Given our situation right now it doesn’t look too promising, but a man can dream, can’t he? She knows that I’ll always love her but I’m always going to have an immense appreciation and respect for you two for always treating me like one of your own and letting your daughter give me the greatest experience of my life to date. I’m in love with your daughter. I have told her this already but I believe that she’s the love of my life, and that we’re meant to be. She needs to be away from me right now, which going forward I’ll respect. Yet I told her already that I’m not giving up on her. Changes need to be made, and regardless of if she cares or not, I’m going to make sure that if our paths cross in the same way again, that it will be in a different and better manner. I made mistakes which led us to where we are now. I wasn’t the man that she needed me to be and I didn’t treat her as good as I should have. I’m aware that giving this letter to you guys may only disappoint her further, yet I felt the need to tell the both of you along with her about where my head was at at the moment. I tried to show her how we can work, all the while she was expressing how she just needed to be alone. I let my fear of not being able to live without her turn into reality because I just couldn’t respect her initial request for space. She was kind enough to let me talk to her and hang out with her for a little while after the fact. There are plenty of things that I would do differently if I had the chance, yet our last days of talking and hanging out along with the good memories that we share are ones that I wouldn’t trade for anything. If I ever get the pleasure of being in her life the same way again, and stepping foot in front of you two in the same way again I’ll make sure to keep it that way. Regardless of what the future holds, your daughter gave me the greatest gift that I’ll ever receive, and I’ll forever be grateful. I understand that we may not get back together, yet I’m hopeful that we can and I’m hopeful for a future with her despite her current feelings towards me. Our chemistry has always been undeniable, it still is. I know that what we had wasn’t working, yet I know at one point it was, which gives me hope that it can work again. I love your daughter. I would like to cherish her like she deserves to be cherished for the rest of my life. I want to be by her side for the little moments along with the big events and everything in between. And even if that won’t be the case, I’m grateful for the time that I had with her because I can say that I got to experience true love at least once in my life. I’ve told her this before but you two are great role models of how a healthy relationship/marriage should look. I respect you two for that and I’m glad that she is constantly being exposed to something that wonderful. And I’m glad that I have something to aspire to work towards. Thank you for everything. I wish you all the best and hope that our paths may cross again in happier circumstances.”

TLDR: Is this a good letter to write to my ex girlfriend parents? I want to let them know where my head is at and how appreciative I am of them. Me and my ex ended things on a relatively good note, yet she broke up with me because I wasn’t treating her good and she had to put herself first. She is now almost adamant that she doesn’t want to get back together and wants to move forward with her life. Should I send this letter and if so what should I change or take out?

Basically my ex girlfriend of 2 years and I had a drawn breakup that officially ended yesterday. The breakup lasted about 2 months until we finally decided to move on. I’m still heartbroken and she’s focused on moving forward with life. I expressed how much I wanted to change and fix things and still do throughout those 2 months, yet she finally expressed how if it’s meant to be then it will be. I wasn’t the best boyfriend to her, and after I had crossed her boundaries and didn’t fulfill on promises one too many times, she finally had enough and broke up with me. I had already given her a letter intended for her and another letter Intended for her parents.
Below is the letter that I gave her with some extra few sentences tacked on at the end. Specifically starting with the “I’m in love with your daughter” part. When I gave her both of the letters, we had agreed not to give them to her parents since we still weren’t sure if we’d be talking more or might make up soon at that point in time. So I can only imagine that she didn’t give her parents the letter that I wrote for them and won’t since that will only remind her and them of me again which is the last thing that she wants. But yesterday I had talked to her and told her where my head was at and how I’m still hopeful for a future. She wasn’t and expressed how she just wanted to move forward. I’m well aware that if I do give her parents this letter, regardless I’m going to completely give her space and just let time do it’s thing. I just feel as though this is eating away at me if I don’t get it off of my chest, and I would like her parents to know where my head is at as I already let her know where my head is at. And I would like for them to know how appreciative I am of them.
Let me know if this letter sounds good for my ex girlfriend’s parents and if I should change or leave anything out:
“I just want to say thank you for allowing me to date your wonderful daughter and for always treating me so kind and welcoming whenever I stepped foot into your home. I truly felt like your home was my second one. Thank you for trusting in me that I was always going to take care of her, I would’ve gladly given my life if push came to shove. Whether we were on the other side of the country or at work I knew if I was with her then I was good. She had told me that she always felt safe when she was with me as well which til this day is easily one of my proudest accomplishments. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out between me and your daughter, at least at the moment, but let me tell you, you guys did one hell of a job raising her. She is truly the most remarkable woman that I know by a mile, and knowing how you both are such wonderful people there’s no wonder why she turned out so amazing. She’ll never truly know how much I care about her. Yet thank you again for always cooking for me, playing games with me, inviting me over for events, letting me make myself at home in your home, respecting our privacy and showing me all the love in the world. I never had a close, big family household growing up so every time that I went over and experienced it myself it was truly nothing short of wonderful. I’ll never forget how you guys let me spend Christmas with you when both of my parents were away, and thank you for letting your daughter spend Christmas with my family. I know how big of a deal that was and I wish I could spend every Christmas for the rest of my life with her. You guys are nothing short of amazing people and (my gf’s name) is truly one of a kind. I was excited and looking forward to asking for your permission for (my gf’s name) hand in marriage sometime soon down the line Mr. (My gf’s last name). Given our situation right now it doesn’t look too promising, but a man can dream, can’t he? She knows that I’ll always love her but I’m always going to have an immense appreciation and respect for you two for always treating me like one of your own and letting your daughter give me the greatest experience of my life to date. I’m in love with your daughter. I have told her this already but I believe that she’s the love of my life, and that we’re meant to be. She needs to be away from me right now, which going forward I’ll respect. Yet I told her already that I’m not giving up on her. Changes need to be made, and regardless of if she cares or not, I’m going to make sure that if our paths cross in the same way again, that it will be in a different and better manner. I made mistakes which led us to where we are now. I wasn’t the man that she needed me to be and I didn’t treat her as good as I should have. I’m aware that giving this letter to you guys may only disappoint her further, yet I felt the need to tell the both of you along with her about where my head was at at the moment. I tried to show her how we can work, all the while she was expressing how she just needed to be alone. I let my fear of not being able to live without her turn into reality because I just couldn’t respect her initial request for space. She was kind enough to let me talk to her and hang out with her for a little while after the fact. There are plenty of things that I would do differently if I had the chance, yet our last days of talking and hanging out along with the good memories that we share are ones that I wouldn’t trade for anything. If I ever get the pleasure of being in her life the same way again, and stepping foot in front of you two in the same way again I’ll make sure to keep it that way. Regardless of what the future holds, your daughter gave me the greatest gift that I’ll ever receive, and I’ll forever be grateful. I understand that we may not get back together, yet I’m hopeful that we can and I’m hopeful for a future with her despite her current feelings towards me. Our chemistry has always been undeniable, it still is. I know that what we had wasn’t working, yet I know at one point it was, which gives me hope that it can work again. I love your daughter. I would like to cherish her like she deserves to be cherished for the rest of my life. I want to be by her side for the little moments along with the big events and everything in between. And even if that won’t be the case, I’m grateful for the time that I had with her because I can say that I got to experience true love at least once in my life. I’ve told her this before but you two are great role models of how a healthy relationship/marriage should look. I respect you two for that and I’m glad that she is constantly being exposed to something that wonderful. And I’m glad that I have something to aspire to work towards. Thank you for everything. I wish you all the best and hope that our paths may cross again in happier circumstances.”
TLDR: Is this a good letter to write to my ex girlfriend parents? I want to let them know where my head is at and how appreciative I am of them. Me and my ex ended things on a relatively good note, yet she broke up with me because I wasn’t treating her good and she had to put herself first. She is now almost adamant that she doesn’t want to get back together and wants to move forward with her life. Should I send this letter and if so what should I change or take out?

Basically my ex girlfriend of 2 years and I had a drawn breakup that officially ended yesterday. The breakup lasted about 2 months until we finally decided to move on. I’m still heartbroken and she’s focused on moving forward with life. I expressed how much I wanted to change and fix things and still do throughout those 2 months, yet she finally expressed how if it’s meant to be then it will be. I wasn’t the best boyfriend to her, and after I had crossed her boundaries and didn’t fulfill on promises one too many times, she finally had enough and broke up with me. I had already given her a letter intended for her and another letter Intended for her parents.

Below is the letter that I gave her with some extra few sentences tacked on at the end. Specifically starting with the “I’m in love with your daughter” part. When I gave her both of the letters, we had agreed not to give them to her parents since we still weren’t sure if we’d be talking more or might make up soon at that point in time. So I can only imagine that she didn’t give her parents the letter that I wrote for them and won’t since that will only remind her and them of me again which is the last thing that she wants. But yesterday I had talked to her and told her where my head was at and how I’m still hopeful for a future. She wasn’t and expressed how she just wanted to move forward. I’m well aware that if I do give her parents this letter, regardless I’m going to completely give her space and just let time do it’s thing. I just feel as though this is eating away at me if I don’t get it off of my chest, and I would like her parents to know where my head is at as I already let her know where my head is at. And I would like for them to know how appreciative I am of them.

Let me know if this letter sounds good for my ex girlfriend’s parents and if I should change or leave anything out:

“I just want to say thank you for allowing me to date your wonderful daughter and for always treating me so kind and welcoming whenever I stepped foot into your home. I truly felt like your home was my second one. Thank you for trusting in me that I was always going to take care of her, I would’ve gladly given my life if push came to shove. Whether we were on the other side of the country or at work I knew if I was with her then I was good. She had told me that she always felt safe when she was with me as well which til this day is easily one of my proudest accomplishments. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out between me and your daughter, at least at the moment, but let me tell you, you guys did one hell of a job raising her. She is truly the most remarkable woman that I know by a mile, and knowing how you both are such wonderful people there’s no wonder why she turned out so amazing. She’ll never truly know how much I care about her. Yet thank you again for always cooking for me, playing games with me, inviting me over for events, letting me make myself at home in your home, respecting our privacy and showing me all the love in the world. I never had a close, big family household growing up so every time that I went over and experienced it myself it was truly nothing short of wonderful. I’ll never forget how you guys let me spend Christmas with you when both of my parents were away, and thank you for letting your daughter spend Christmas with my family. I know how big of a deal that was and I wish I could spend every Christmas for the rest of my life with her. You guys are nothing short of amazing people and (my gf’s name) is truly one of a kind. I was excited and looking forward to asking for your permission for (my gf’s name) hand in marriage sometime soon down the line Mr. (My gf’s last name). Given our situation right now it doesn’t look too promising, but a man can dream, can’t he? She knows that I’ll always love her but I’m always going to have an immense appreciation and respect for you two for always treating me like one of your own and letting your daughter give me the greatest experience of my life to date. I’m in love with your daughter. I have told her this already but I believe that she’s the love of my life, and that we’re meant to be. She needs to be away from me right now, which going forward I’ll respect. Yet I told her already that I’m not giving up on her. Changes need to be made, and regardless of if she cares or not, I’m going to make sure that if our paths cross in the same way again, that it will be in a different and better manner. I made mistakes which led us to where we are now. I wasn’t the man that she needed me to be and I didn’t treat her as good as I should have. I’m aware that giving this letter to you guys may only disappoint her further, yet I felt the need to tell the both of you along with her about where my head was at at the moment. I tried to show her how we can work, all the while she was expressing how she just needed to be alone. I let my fear of not being able to live without her turn into reality because I just couldn’t respect her initial request for space. She was kind enough to let me talk to her and hang out with her for a little while after the fact. There are plenty of things that I would do differently if I had the chance, yet our last days of talking and hanging out along with the good memories that we share are ones that I wouldn’t trade for anything. If I ever get the pleasure of being in her life the same way again, and stepping foot in front of you two in the same way again I’ll make sure to keep it that way. Regardless of what the future holds, your daughter gave me the greatest gift that I’ll ever receive, and I’ll forever be grateful. I understand that we may not get back together, yet I’m hopeful that we can and I’m hopeful for a future with her despite her current feelings towards me. Our chemistry has always been undeniable, it still is. I know that what we had wasn’t working, yet I know at one point it was, which gives me hope that it can work again. I love your daughter. I would like to cherish her like she deserves to be cherished for the rest of my life. I want to be by her side for the little moments along with the big events and everything in between. And even if that won’t be the case, I’m grateful for the time that I had with her because I can say that I got to experience true love at least once in my life. I’ve told her this before but you two are great role models of how a healthy relationship/marriage should look. I respect you two for that and I’m glad that she is constantly being exposed to something that wonderful. And I’m glad that I have something to aspire to work towards. Thank you for everything. I wish you all the best and hope that our paths may cross again in happier circumstances.”

TLDR: Is this a good letter to write to my ex girlfriend parents? I want to let them know where my head is at and how appreciative I am of them. Me and my ex ended things on a relatively good note, yet she broke up with me because I wasn’t treating her good and she had to put herself first. She is now almost adamant that she doesn’t want to get back together and wants to move forward with her life. Should I send this letter and if so what should I change or take out?

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