Sorry if this is not the right sub.
I’m currently dating the most amazing and kind person. We are both in university and have been living together since the past 4 months. We have also travelled twice and we survived both trips together. We communicate well, never afraid to address if there’s something bugging us. We are also best friends, apart from just being romantic partners. I genuinely see a future in him and he also sees a future in me. We have both told our families and everything.
Now, here’s the thing that’s been eating at me at the back of my mind. In freshman year, my tarot friend enthusiast did a reading for all my friends. She did really accurate readings, especially this one friend who was kind of on the verge of breaking up with her LDR boyfriend. Everything that was predicted was true.
I was single then and as for me, it was predicted that I would be in a loving and serious university relationship that will last for ~2 years but we will eventually breakup. I thought it was sweet and didn’t care too much about it.
Cue to a few weeks back, my mom did a birth chart at some astrologer (? i’m not sure what they exactly are) reading for me from back home. Everything he said was accurate about my current relationship — (guy(my bf) loved girl(me) first but girl didn’t like him back, eventually the girl fell in love with his kind actions for her, girl is very deep into thinking she will marry the guy. However, I have like a weird and bad aura in my life till next year apparently, and whoever I date during this period will definitely not work out, including him.
I am not someone who invests time and energy in astrology and really 100% believing these practices, it’s just something I hear for fun, and now even though Im perfectly happy with my partner & see a future with him, there’s a thought that the back of my mind that keeps reminding me about these readings and I get stressed out. I need advice, thank you so much.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I'm a single dad and my daughter just graduated from college. I invited my twin brother to the ceremony. He has narc traits (golden child, I was the outcast). He's not an outright narc but enough that I don't let my guard down around him and limit my time spent with him for mental health reasons. My daughter is the only Grandkid in that generation that wanted a degree. I raised her alone. Her mom just wasn't around. She came around later but couldn't help out financially. When she did I was just glad she was stable and present. My little girl worked her butt off and so did I to get this degree for her. We had other obstacles earlier along the way like a cancer Diagnosis that we battled together alone before mom came around as well. Needless to say, she and I are close. Covid robbed her of walking the stage for her diploma, so this commencement ceremony had extra special meaning. I was probably embarrassing trying not to cry as everything over the past 6 years just flooded over me into 15 minutes. That and an incredible speech from a classmate and watching her walk on stage and look for us. I just couldn't hold back the tears any longer. Afterwards we did the pictures and went on our way. One of the annoying things about being a twin is that we share a lot of the same friends from high school, family etc. After getting home, unloading everything etc and starting to look at my phone, I notice my brother has already posted on fb about her graduation. I mentioned that I thought it was messed up and got a lecture about how weird that was so I hung up. I honestly don't care. I've worked hard for this. I wanted to post about it. I felt like it was my news to share not his. Or at least he could have waited until we posted . It's our news . Right? I feel like he is just always an attention piggy. Am I off here?

I apologize to all of those that are truly living in poverty- that is how I was raised and I know that I am now at a relatively secure place in my life, which I am very grateful for.
I live in a high cost of living area but barely survive as a single mom with two kids. I was blessed to be able to scrimp and save enough to buy a home. But it is a simple place, relatively small (1200 sq ft) and a townhome. We are surrounded by million dollar homes in a great school district.
Sounds wonderful, right?
Yet everytime we go to another families home for birthdays or other events, I am floored by how fancy their homes are. I feel like a kid again in the sense that I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. No matter my salary, I could never afford one of these homes. Everything I have goes into providing for my kids as I drive around in a 10 yo car and wear clothes from when I was pregnant 8 years ago.
I don't want my kids to feel like I did when I was young. I always felt "inferior" but I constantly have to tell them we can't afford this or that. Is there a better way to deal with being the poorer family in a ridiculously rich area? I don't know how to do this.

I (18F) have always known my dad (53M) wasn’t the most healthy person in the world. For some context on my family and to make sure it’s a whole picture i’m basically going to trauma dump, so TW for sexual assault i guess? When i was two he and my mom(48F) got a divorce because he was using drugs and alcohol to cope with some of his past traumas, while never putting in any work to get past them. After the divorce he ended up being put in prison after receiving multiple DUI’s (im not entirely sure how it happened exactly, i was two or three when he was locked up) and it got him locked up till I was six. My mom, despite having every reason to speak badly of my father, never said anything negative about him. She would take me to visit him, let me read the letters he sent me (when i actually could read, and she would write my replies down for me), and always let me talk to him when he called. We lived with my grandparents while he was locked up. After he got out he spent a long time working to get past his unhealthy coping mechanisms. He lives with his parents for two years and i would visit often. When i was eight he finally had a stable enough job to have both me and my mother move back in with him. I was young, and stupid, and when they asked me if i was okay with it I said yes. We moved into a single wide mobile home in my dad’s home town. My entire life was uprooted and replanted. I began classes in my new school and was bullied for most of my time there. I was told to “suck it up, bullies aren’t that bad.” even though in middle school i was pushed down a very steep flight of stairs and almost broke my arm. My grades began slipping and i went from a gifted child to a burn out really quick. My dad would yell at me and my mom for my grades, then get mad when i couldn’t understand how explained something to me. By thirteen i was suicidal and it was “an attempt to get attention” according to my dad. He had begun to pick fights with my mom over the littlest things. The house wasn’t clean enough, she didn’t make dinner fast enough, my room was a mess. (it was the size of a medium sized walk in closet.) And then my older (half) brother moved in with us. He (32M, let’s call him Michael) had never had a stable life and my dad coddled him because he felt like he had failed him. He had, but Michael was always a screwed up dude, so it only added into it. Anyways, over the course of the next three years my older brother would come to sexually assault me about five times over the next three years. We ended up moving into a larger house when i was about fifteen and i ended up going into counseling and learning that i had been groomed and conditioned to be basically unaware of the trauma inflicted on my by my brother since i was a kid. My dad, when i was seven and my brother a teenager, would turn a blind eye to Michael basically bashing my head into the island counter whenever he would steal something like food from me. My grandparents would always intervene and he would call me a whiner. At night he would tell me all sorts of things and make it seem like he was my only friend in the world. He kept doing it my entire life. My father, who had stopped drinking, had begun again because my grandfather was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and has been fighting for him life since, it’s been about eight years i think since they had to pull him out of remission because the cancer came back. This is when he really became a nightmare. Depending on what type of alchohol he drinks his mood goes a few ways. Whiskey and he gets angry. Tequila and he gets all sappy and lovey dovey(this makes me very uncomfortable because he hasn’t ever been very openly affectionate), beer and he’s just a happy drunk, and wine and he gets sad. Sometimes it switches up but normally this is how it goes. After i finally told my parents about my brother and what he had done and him getting kicked out, he began to bury himself in alcohol. I had to get over it fast because he was blaming anyone within pissing distance. Eventually he would cry to me about how he had failed him son, to the daughter that his son had raped. it was really fucked up, and he only ever said that when he was drunk. (I want to say that my dad isn’t an inherently terrible person, he didn’t have a good life growing up and generational trauma hits hard.)He has been using drinking as a way to escape reality for a long time. It’s caused a great deal of arguments and both of my parents asking “what they do to deserve this” while my dad accuses me of treating him like garbage (he says the same thing to my mom). We’ve had to leave the house and spend a few days with other people before because i was scared he was going to hit us instead of the walls next time, multiple times. The most recent bought of fighting has been happening over the last three days. (for more context i moved out right after i turned eighteen, i became a manager at my workplace and was able to live with friends) I’ve been visiting my family and spending time with them since i haven’t really had time the past few months. I guess my mom found out that he had been receiving nudes from other women on messenger and wanted AT LEAST an apology. My dad blamed it on a married friend who was using his phone. it was a lie because he’s been receiving them almost every day. and commenting on them. it makes me sick to think about. he has begun blaming my mom for it. saying she ruined our old house, that she has to one up him, and saying “do you really wanna go there?” while he was the one who fucked up. After screaming at each other for nearly an hour he said he wanted to break up. My mom spiraled and wanted to kill herself. Her psychiatrist that she had a tele-health call with that day, asked me to basically watch my mom to make sure she doesn’t kill herself. I took her pills and asked my dad to lock up his guns. he took this as her “one -upping him”. Yesterday while i was back at my apartment i got a call from my mom explaining that he had gotten drunk and had told her to kill herself. She had left and was at a bridge to watch the water. I drove back in a panic since i live a town over. Today, my father was drunk again and asked me to go spend time alone so he could screw my mom. I didn’t want to be there so i showered and got ready to leave. Turns out their conversation had shifted and he was berating her for “not letting him discipline me”. I guess that after years of pent up anger never being touched on, i finally snapped and began yelling at him. I called him a hypocrite and he called me a bitch. And basically i left as he began to destroy things around the house. That was after i told him if he kept going this way i would cut contact. I’m currently sitting at our outdoor sports complex writing this because everyone i know is busy and i don’t want to bother them. I just needed to get it out. I don’t know if cutting contact is the right thing to do. Of if it makes me an asshole. I’m only eighteen. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I (23F) am really struggling to find ways to impress my boyfriend’s (20M) parents. All of us are Christians but they’ve had more time and dedication to God than I had growing up. My family and I went to church and even volunteered but besides that, we never went home to pray, study the bible, have conversations, etc. Now everytime I go over, they are asking me all these questions about my walk and I get very confused and flustered. I’ve been honest with them and they even have helped me throughout it all so thankfully, I don’t feel completely left out. When you think of Christian parents, they are exactly what you would expect: no living together until married, mom only works part-time job to help with kids, son has a curfew, purity until marriage, etc. As frustrating as it can be, I’ve learned to be okay with their rules, even as both their son and I are adults. Here’s where I’m struggling, when I first met them, I told them I was in college (which was true). I have recently dropped out due to the career path not being something I was interested in anymore and already working a full-time job along with other responsibilities. I’ve had a detailed conversation with my boyfriend saying things like, “If you want to be the main provider for our future family, why would I spend $10,000+ just for a degree I may not even use?” He was fully supportive and loved that conversation between us but how do I express that to his family the next time they ask without it making it seem like I just want to use him for his money? Considering we are only dating, and not engaged or even married, you never know what could happen between us, I’m aware of that. I want to come off as very “traditional” but I also grew up in a single-mother home where my mom was the only one providing for me and my siblings. Also, any pointers to help impress them entirely would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

The Context:

A user posts to /BoomersBeingFools wondering if boomers don’t eat enough and are “starving” themselves, and by extension pushing their expectations unfairly onto others.
Many users quickly take issue with OOP’s premise. The discussion quickly devolves into multiple slapfights, insults over weight, and the war in Gaza.

The Drama:

Does metabolism change as people age?

People commenting it’s cause they’re older and don’t need to eat as much. Yes, I know that could be a part of it, but let’s be honest, it’s mostly them just being judgy/brainwashed by diet culture/think it’s absurd to spend money on eating out…

"Brainwashed by diet culture" ah so in other words you are obese and need to eat a lot and probably deeply into healthy at any size/fat acceptance.
No they just know they don't need 5000 calori3s a day to exist.

I’m obese for wanting to eat some lunch and dinner? 🤯

No I say that because of "brainwashed by diet culture" there's exactly one group that talks like that.

You must not get out much

[Continued:]

I do actually it's how I maintain not being fat. Limiting calories to under 2500 and being outside moving a lot.

I lost 140 pounds by eating more. 🤷 starving myself led to weight gain.

I'm sure you eat more but less calories in total. No one increases their calories and losses sorry.

You're wrong. Instunted my metabolism and my body was holding on to the weight to protect me.
I was eating skinless baked chicken and plain broccoli for 2 years and could not lose weight. I was sick and exhausted but worked out all the time.
Started eating carbs and the weight came melting off.
Sorry :)

[Continued:]

For sure. Thats why all the body builders are morbidly obese. They eat chicken and broccoli and their body just goes into starvation mode and holds all the fat. Same with like the concentration camps. All those poor morbidly obese starving people. Once we saved them and fed them the weight just shed off. It's the craziest thing.

It's almost like bodies are different, user name doesn't check out, a nerd would know that 🤔

Whatever you need to tell yourself.

[…]

i guess the law of thermodymanics doesnt apply to you.
You should get studied. Defying the laws of thermodynamics is pretty impressive!

[…]

Tell me you see someone fat in the store and cringe inside/judge them for no reason without ever speaking to them without telling me 😂
You dislike/hate fat people for the horrid crime of being fat when they don't think about you at all and haven't ever wronged you in any way at all.
Also, I can tell you have never struggled with your weight in the past due to not giving a shit how hating random people for looking a certain way effects them. That, or you did struggle once, and bought into the haters telling you you were worth less based on the number on the scale, in which case I am sorry you believe that.

Dude I was 350lbs at my heaviest. People love saying "oh he says weightloss is eat less move more? Clearly he wants to genocide fat people" but no that's not it at all. I lost tons and most of the people around me went from morbid obesity to overweight or a normal weight. We changed our lifestyles and got in shape. The people that didn't lose weight claim all kinds of medical issues but none of them changed their diet and not of them want to work out. It's pretty clear how to lose weight. That's all.
No more no less no hate.

Wanna know how I know you're a liar or incredibly ignorant of how you come off?
You say you don't dislike them but make fun of their physical disabilities like it's funny. It's not funny. You're making fun of them. It's not funny to make fun of people for having disabilities or for how they look. You perpetuate hate against them that makes them feel like crap for being alive. I don't care about your spiel about medical issues or dieting in general or the fat acceptance movement. When you make fun of disabled people who have trouble walking i'm going to call you out on it. That's exactly what you did. Whether they're fat or not I refuse to make fun of people for that.

I have never made fun of a single person. Only a movement that claims you can be healthy at any size. You can't be vastly under or over weight and be healthy.

Whatever you say buddy. Keep on making fun of people because they can't walk or cope some more that it wasn't directed at a specific person. Have fun with that.

[Continued:]

Shut the fuck up fatty

Insults are made, ending with accusations of sockpuppeting:

I don't think you realize how pathetic you sound. When my jaw was broken I went 6 weeks without solid food and I'm sitting here rolling my eyes at your propensity for letting your stomach color your opinions of other people. I'd bet dollars to dimes that your body mass index is over 30.

Hey.
You should know:
It costs $0 to not be a dick.

I'll pay that cover charge any day of the week. Especially when I'm dealing with a major league dipshit like [Candy_cane999]
Radagast was brown, nerd.

Wow, you’re disgusting. It’s not that deep

Says the person here gossiping about their relative's metabolism. "Not that deep" lol you made a judgment about an entire generation of people because your family member wasn't hungry..lol fuck off
I bet you are high as a kite right now from all the users here agreeing with you, even if they haven't a fucking clue what they are talking about.
Seriously, though, how fat are you? I'm guessing fat enough that you can't hide that stomach roll when you sit down.

High as a kite? Huh? Relax weirdo, it’s just Reddit

You still haven't told us how fat you are.

Damn this guy hates fat people !

I used to be one.

[Continued:]

So now you just hate fat people for fun?

People with no self control, ESPECIALLY when that self control would benefit their health, are people who are functionally useless as human beings. They are the pieces of shit who would hoard food while everyone else is starving.
It ain't for fun.
Do you comment on Reddit to be an annoying middle child?

Ahhh yes. The fat people are useless excuse. Okay bud have fun out there!

It seems you have to self control over your feelings little guy. Go out there and practice some self control!
Bitter, party of one.

[…]

Get a life, chill

Get a life, chill

Ah yes, the mating call of people who "have lives"...ohhhhhh the irony.

😂sounds like you’re projecting. What’s it like still living in your boomer mom’s basement?

lol "projecting", I see you have your masters in Reddit psychology.

What’s it like still living in your boomer mom’s basement?

Oooooof, sounds like someone is...................................................................................projecting.

You do realize calling someone fat is the easiest most insecure insult to throw out there. Classic textbook. Hypocrite

I used to be fat as fuck, 270lbs at 5'10. I'll judge you fatties all I damn well please.
You keep avoiding answering the question. You're a landwhale, aren't you?

Ahha! There it is. It’s because you hate yourself. Hope you’re in therapy

[Continued:]

The more you avoid this the more we know what kind of person we are dealing with.
You talk shit about people who have self control to excuse how fat and disgusting you are.

[…]

Dude why admit that, all you are showing is that you had become really fat, and rather than learn a healthy relationship with food even at that extreme point, you just chose to hate food in general. You took the easy way out because nobody ever taught you portion control. Your loss I guess.

I admit it because I was raised in a home where I couldn't get up until my plate was clean and my mother made sure there were never leftovers that way. I admit it because it is the truth and I don't lie or omit details to make myself sound better. I admit it to show I can relate to being a fatfuck. I admit it because being fat is a choice.
”why would you say something true about yourself!?" - if that isn't Reddit-in-a-nutshell I don't know what is.

I'm just saying it makes you look like you just hated yourself and were pushing that onto another person that may or may not have a healthier relationship with food than you, that's all.

[…]

They didn't answer did they?

After several attempts they've avoided even talking about their fat stores and are now trying the victim angle.

No doubt. Fatty McFat Fat can't comprehend people not being addicted to constant feedings.
Reddit in a nutshell.

Bro's talking to himself on an alt ​

Then, there’s this:

OP is a fat fuck

As a former fatass this was my immediate thought

I knew as soon as he said road trip to Florida

For wanting lunch and dinner? You’re sick
They’re someone whos whole identity is shoving food in their mouth. Look at their username

Eat shit.

One user thinks they’re speaking uncomfortable truths:

If StandardSafe isn’t willing to say it again, I will: grow up and get over it. 99% of the people who say they “aren’t heavy” actually are, your dad was probably just being a concerned parent. “unhealthy relationship with food”, LMAO. A first-world problem for sure

No, he was just a bully and abusive. But thanks for playing.
That’s a really weird thing to say to a stranger, dude
You ok bro? Did that make you feel good about yourself? To insult a stranger because you personally didn’t have to deal with abuse? Or let me guess, you did, but it made you a “strong man” who knows what’s best for everyone.
You don’t know me. You have no idea what my childhood and young adulthood was like and maybe it sounds like a “first world problem” (which by the way, is so fucking dismissive and gross to say to people when they an issue) to you, but for me it became an eating disorder that I still struggle with in my 40s.
I’m going to try to say this as politely as I can, please fuck off into the sun with your bullshit and go troll somewhere else. You’re an asshole who seems to get off on insulting people to get your pathetic dick hard. I hope you don’t have kids because I worry if you do how fucked up they are and if you’re married I feel terrible for your wife. But let’s be honest, you’re a sad, lonely, angry man who has nothing better to do.
Dumbass takes like this are part of the reason people develop eating disorders on both ends of the spectrum.
You're gonna tell me someone who is suffering from Anorexia/Bulimia just needs to "grow up and get over it"?
You need to grow up and take a biology class.

When did the commenter say she had anorexia/bulimia? Those are actual eating disorders…she just said she eats very little and blames her dad.
A biology class, really? Psychology sounds more like it. Or are you telling me you learned about eating disorders in a bio class? Where was that, at some sort of school that gives out certificates in self-actualization or holistic-healing?

Sorry -- from what school did you get a psychology degree that allows you to label Anoerixa/Bulimia as "actual" eating disorders but not what OP described?

The school of hard knocks 😂 he’s so superior to us that he can diagnose a stranger through the internet on Reddit based on a paragraph that seemed to make him bigly angry.
He’s just a sad man who needs to get off by insulting people. He can go live that life and we’ll be over on this said being human to each other.

Finally, the war in Gaza is brought up for some reason:

You know that on the other side of the apartheid wall Israel set up there are thousands of people who had access to the Dead Sea (and their homes), that was changed by the establishment of Israel. Millions of people around the world are coming to the decision to boycott any company that supports the Israeli Apartheid Occupation. Millions are urging their universities and employers to divest any money and programs with the genocidal force that is Israel. I urge you and your family to take a hard look at yourselves and learn what Israel really is made of. Then the logical decision will be to never visit or spend a dime in Israel until their genocide and apartheid ends. Ty

Take a walk off a short pier.

This response is unhinged.
“Learn about an ongoing genocide, with bombs falling through the air as we speak, that you knowingly or unknowingly support, that we can do something about”
“Your response”
Please just look someone in the eyes today and remember what it means to be a human. Each of us is a library of life, and we’re constantly diminishing the value of each other as “enemies”.
I’d rather that than share air with someone who supports the ongoing genocide. Not for me, not for you, but for the kids and our collective humanity: please learn something new today.

You’re supporting the death of my family in Israel. Seriously, you’re a PoS

Before Israel was, there was Palestine. Palestine was for all. Muslims, Christians, and Jewish families all lived together. We all visited Jerusalem.
When Israel decided that only Jewish people would now be allowed in to these random borders drawn over Palestine, well, that should come off as racist. Now the Christian and Muslim Palestinians had their villages raided and their women raped by a well funded militia, before it became the IDF. This terrorised the Palestinians that lived in their homes, so they ran.
Then these homes were empty.
The land without people for the People without a land. Fabulous. Absolutely fabulous. The people that were born there were displaced by a terrorist militia, and now it was a land magically without a people.
And your family came in, and settled in “Israel”. A family out there has the keys to the very home your family lives in in Israel, although you’ve probably changed the locks by now.
But for generations this land fed them and protected them from the elements. All of a sudden it’s yours?
And the people Israel oppresses, the thousands of Palestinians that are in prison with no trial. Children and women Palestinians have been taken captive for over 70 years!! Where’s the outrage?
Are we not human?
When we say free Palestine from the river to the sea. It’s for everybody. Come by and buy my home. But please don’t show up with an armed force ready to exterminate me for refusing you the home my forefathers have called their own.
TLDR Israel is the fire nation in avatar the last airbender.
The best way I can put it is.. if a bunch of armed chickens showed up and kicked you and your family out of their homes, one day you might want to fight those armed chickens back instead of being homeless. Israel are the armed chickens

The Flairs:

• “We boomers don’t hungry as often as you gamers”
  
• “ok nerdguy 👍🏼”
  
• “Radagast was brown, nerd.”
  

Hello, I know there’s already been some posts about this in the past (i’m sorry) and I’ve searched through them to get advice, but I feel like I’ve tried everything and I wanted to get my full story laid out and get updated advice from anyone willing to give it. As the title says, my cat will pee in the litter box every single time, but will not poop in it.
I’ve taken her to the vet more than once, they said she’s all good and nothing seems out of ordinary.
She’s been doing this since she was a kitten. My mom got her declawed (I was against it but only 13 at the time, she was originally a family cat and then bonded with me and now i’m 22 and she’s mine) and she’s been doing this since.
things I’ve tried: paw sensitive litter, cat attracting litter, all sorts of litters a litter box with a hood, a litter box with no hood, a bigger litter box, a litter box with a lot of litter, a litter box with barely any litter, multiple litter boxes, in case she wants to poop and pee in separate places, cleaning it every single day so it’s always fresh, changing her diet, changing her diet back
I genuinely feel like i’ve tried everything and don’t know what else to do, it’s been 9 years of this and I’m willing to try anything.
She does very occasionally use it, and when she does we can’t figure out why. Specifically she seems to use it once or twice when we move to a new place before using the floor again. Literally any advice would be helpful and I’m willing to try at this point. Thanks to anyone who can help

I (36m) lost my mom not long ago, just this past February. She had been chronically ill for a while, but never imagined it was life threatening. Inconvenient, poor quality of life, but not terminal. She started taking ill about 5 years ago in mid 2019, and since I had quit my previous full time job to go back to college I too care of her pretty much full time in addition to school and a part time job at Walmart. My dad travels too much to be able to help and my slightly younger brother left the house upon getting a job out of state. So I didn’t really complain about taking care of her. My mom and I were always super close,so I was glad to. It wasn’t even like I had a girlfriend at the time to have to split attention with. My last relationship ended pretty amicably, but I just didn’t have the self confidence to try again. This went on for the rest of 2019, and it was a pretty soothing routine, she could mostly help herself most days, but she had pretty major fatigue from time to time unpredictably. We imagined she’d get better eventually. I graduated at the end of 2019 and applied to jobs with that in mind. Then Covid hit and somehow she ended up getting worse. She never told me what she was ill with, if she even knew, she distrusted doctors except for vaccines and acute injury care. I still cared for her as best I could, she still had good days and bad so it wasn’t a burden. I even managed to get an okay job that let me work remotely thanks to my degree. It was a little stressful, but mostly sedentary, the occasional run to get food or something. During that time I was pretty glad to be not dating. It carried on like that all through the pandemic and I found myself becoming somewhat of a hermit, just working and taking care of my mom, keeping her company since my dad/her husband still needed to travel for work even if it was less. I naturally put on weight, picked up bad eating habits, resumed my gaming habit and that kind of thing.
And then she died. I assume it was peaceful since it was in her sleep.
Now I’m just alone. Dad, despite his best efforts was never wired to be especially emotionally intelligent or available. My brother, god bless him, has a fiancée and responsibilities across the country. And I’m just here. Fat. Alone. No real self esteem to speak of(not to disparage fat people or anything, I’m all about body positivity. For thee, anyway).
I don’t know how to rebuild myself. I’ve never been especially social. This whole thing has made it worse. I’ve always had negative self talk, but being able to give and care for someone helped quiet the inner monologue. But now the most important person in my life is gone, and I feel like the past five years were simultaneously the best and worst years of my life.
Funnily, while I’m sure I’m grieving still in some way, I’m glad my mom isn’t trapped in her body anymore. So this far out, not that it’s that far, I’m not shattered or wracked with grief over my mom. I miss her every single day. But I understand that she wasn’t living her best life. And I’d rather she go on to a better place than be trapped. So I’m not destroyed anymore. I was. I cried and was unable to get out of bed for a week. And I’m sure I deliriously talked to her during that time too. But that passed.
Now I just feel aimless. I work. I sleep. I eat poorly. I want to get back into life but I don’t know how anymore.
Hell. I don’t even know how to close this post out. I just need advice. So that’s the deal. Yeah. Sorry for the rambling.

It's not deja vu. It's not a feeling that things have happened before, I remember it. Everything that happens I remember as if it had happened to me months before. Every single detail. What I did while showering. The clothes I put on. How there was something in my eye while watching a video my dad sent me. Making this post. I remember it all.
I know it's a delusion, but the only logical conclusion is time travel. Something horrible happened that I traveled back in time to fix, only I didn't retain the memory of what happened. First thing I thought about was my dad was gonna die. So I texted him and he calmed me down. Now I'm worried about my mom and finally myself.
The clinic isn't open until Monday to call them and see if my psych can prepone my appointment or if she does urgencies. I don't think this warrants a hospital visit but if I have another crisis like yesterday I'm going to a different hospital and seeing a psych there. I can't keep doing this. I can tell myself nothing horrible will happen a thousand times and I still won't shake the feeling that whenever the time period ends it'll either loop back around or something horrible will happen.

I've been in my current role for 4 years, last year we opened up a position which fills a gap between mine, and my actual boss. Thus she's in a way one of my two superiors in the job I work. Well I've quite literally been myself as I always have at work, but I guess her overt need to share and talk in between tasks allowed me to come out of my shell somewhat and she's obviously taken to that in kind...
For context, I haven't really had much dating experience throughout my 20's since leaving school-- she's even quipped about that, which I'll get to.
For context about her: She's a single mom, has her ups and downs and from what I gather had to flee her ex because he was an abusive piece of work. So in that regard, challenged as she's been, she's managed to do quite well for herself. She overshares on the job when she otherwise isn't being a stellar employee, but she does it with everyone so I didn't think much of it.
In short, we've chat a little bit here and there, mostly joking about things, she's referred to me as a work husband at this point to some staff, presumably again as a fun jab at things.
Well all of us were leaving a meeting the other day, a quip comes up around just how long it's been since any of us got any bedroom action basically-- my boss goes on ahead and this is where my female superior decides to jokingly mention "it's been so long for you you've probably forgotten how to right?" to which I just passingly say "yeah, probably.." only for her to follow-up by saying "don't worry I'll show you.."
I laughed this off but the next day she basically pulled me aside and after briefly acknowledging the awkwardness of what she was about to do, plainly stated she's into me and is 'pretty sure' it isn't mutual but had to ask. I was kind of shocked honestly, it explains a lot of her actions in a different light, but I can't honestly remember exactly how I responded other than just lightly implying that it wasn't mutual. Beyond this point she's been alright with me for a couple of days since-- I'm just wondering why she chose to do this in the middle of tasks at work? Do I start documenting things at all or...?
I feel she's built up an image of me that doesn't quite align to how I am outside of work. If I could be more polite about things I'd have respected her forwardness but ultimately pointed out while she's a terrific person I don't actually see myself as dateworthy right now until I've worked on myself further. I'd hate for this to force either of us out of the job but I don't know how she'll handle things, as we're probably working with one another at least 30hrs~ week.
tl;dr - my direct superior manager confessed she likes me out of the blue, not sure how to handle the work dynamic going forward after shooting things down relatively quietly or where I stand.

Hi Reddit, throw away account for obvious reasons but y’all are a lot cheaper than therapy so here we go. I know this is long but I feel that the context is important.
TL;DR - I need advice for how to tell my mom that I intend to go no contact with my mom because I can’t deal with her husband’s alcohol fueled innappropriate behavior in my life anymore especially now that I have a family of my own. I already had a long heart to heart explaining where I’m coming from and she appeared to understand and even agree, but she still makes excuses for her husband.
I (31 F) have a young daughter only a few months old. My mom (57 F) has been married to my stepdad (60 M) for 28 years, and I’ve never gotten along with him. He’s an alcoholic, and for lack of a better description, turns into a belligerent asshole when he’s drunk, which is of course all the time. He’s extremely inappropriate and vulgar in public and even at important family events (weddings, funerals, etc), and generally makes everyone, including his own family members uncomfortable. Unfortunately, my mom has been with him for so long that she makes excuses for him, and is constantly manipulated by him. There have been prior domestic violence incidents where I’ve called the police, and she lies for him. They’re both retired, and she’s super intelligent so is constantly wanting to learn new things, but he prevents her from doing any hobbies or additional education that makes her happy - especially if alcohol isn’t involved or if it’s inconveniences him.
So this weekend, both of them flew in from out of town - we live almost 1,000 miles away across a few states - to spend some time with my daughter, and to celebrate my birthday and Mother’s Day. We also scheduled our daughter’s baptism for this same weekend so my mom could attend since she’s recently taken up an interest in my religion.
I knew there would be a problem pretty quickly after they landed. We have small a local airport only 10 minutes away from us, but they always choose to fly to a larger international airport in a different state, rent a car, and drive over 2 hours to get here. There was an issue with their rental car and my mom started texting me to complain about it. I tried to brush it off and not get annoyed, but this happens every single time they come and there are obviously more convenient options. It took them over 3 1/2 hours to get to our city from the airport and I get texts like “omg we finally just now made it to our airbnb”.
I called her and it was clear that they had been drinking either on the plane, in the airports, or more likely than not, both - even though it was barely noon. She was annoyed and asked about our impending dinner reservation, which was several hours away still. I asked if she was going to come to our house to see her granddaughter beforehand, but she wanted to “relax” at the airbnb (aka drink more) and that my stepdad was trying to find a last minute barber in town because he was apparently unhappy with how his hair was overgrown. Never heard him mention a barber in my life so this was extremely strange to me.
A few hours go by and we’ve got about 30 minutes before we have to leave for dinner. I get a text from my mom asking if we can go pick her up at the airbnb alone. Due to my stepdads history I asked if everything was ok, and all I got in reply was “no”. I sent my husband over there and she was waiting on the street. When she got in his car and he asked if she was alright, she jokingly said “oh well I’m single now”.
I didn’t get much info out of her except he was “cranky” about their travel day and mad he couldn’t find a barber - again - so fucking random. They had gotten into a verbal altercation and he locked himself in the bathroom for over an hour. We’re talking about a 60 year old man here.. some people never grow up I guess. So she comes to dinner with the rest of our group of family and friends and acts like everything is ok. I tried to insist that she stay at our house that night because I didn’t feel that it was safe, but she went back to the airbnb anyway.
When she got back there, my stepdad and their rental car was gone, and he had turned off his location from her view. I called her and had a long hour conversation about how this behavior isn’t ok, that he’s manipulative, and that we’d be happy to let her live with us if that’s what it takes to get her out of this toxic relationship. She cried and agreed that what he does isn’t ok and that it’s a huge struggle for her and said “I’m not 100% sure but I think this is it for me finally”.
I wasn’t happy that it had come to this but I was glad to have a breakthrough with her, and be able to be blatantly honest. Also needs to be mentioned that when I talk to her on the phone, it is ALWAYS on speaker and he’s listening in. Even if he’s in the bathroom, she asks me to recap what I said if he comes back. Not just me, other family members notice this too.
While on this hour long conversation we talked about how he is no longer invited to my daughters baptism the next day or to my house and I offered to have my husband and I tell him ourselves, which she insisted that she wanted to handle herself to “soften the blow”.
So all this transpires, he apparently came back to the airbnb very late and apologized to her, and today she attended my daughter’s baptism alone. She was clearly upset about his absence, but I stood my ground. She asked if I had changed my mind about the rest of the weekend because “he was so apologetic” to her, and I again said no. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last time but I’ve had enough over the last 28 years of him manipulating my mom. While we were packing up to leave the church she told me that she would probably be spending time with him because “he wouldn’t be ok” hanging out alone for the rest of the weekend. She also suggested that she would try to fly out again in a few weeks alone after the dust settles to spend time with me and my daughter.
When we were walking to our cars, my mom was borderline crying, didn’t say goodbye to me or my daughter, got into the car (she hitched a right with one of our friends since we didn’t have room in our car) and left. She didn’t come to our house, she didn’t show up for our planned lunch reservation, and she hasn’t said a word to me since.
At this point even if she does reach out and not just fly home in the next few days I’ve decided that the option is 1) she can be a part of my life and my family’s life if her husband isn’t around or 2) no-contact. I wish I could say this is the first time I’ve gone no-contact with them, but there were a time period over 10 years ago that I didn’t speak to them either and that lasted 3 years.
I know she’s not going to take it well when I tell her, and I’ve accepted the fact that she’s likely going to stay with him even if it means never seeing her granddaughter again. Or IF I get to tell her at all since she is not talking to me. Her airbnb is literally 1/2 mile from my house and we can see each other’s location so I know she’s just there with him and ghosting me.
So now I feel that I’m in a stalemate waiting for her to talk to me, just so that I can tell her that I can’t have her as a part of my life if her husband is always tagging along. I also want to make it clear that while I think it would be better that she divorce him, that’s not the ultimatum I’m wanting to communicate to her.

All right here it is finally, thank you all for your patience and let's hope chapter 5 is a little more expedient. As usual I hope you enjoy and would love to get everyone's thoughts.
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4: Memory transcription subject: Zeak, Harchen orphan, citizen of the Venlil Republic. Date: standardized human time July 13th 2136.
The sky was a roaring mass of fire and pungent black smoke that choked out the light of the sun. As I ran down the street, green blood flowed like a broad shallow river. It splashed up with every step I took, sticking to my scales, the smell of it made me feel sick. As the piercing wail of the emergency sirens seemed to grow louder and louder with every step I took making my ears ring and filling my head with a thunderous pain. My heart pounded, my lungs were on fire, and my legs felt like they were made of lead.
A herd of towering blurry figures appeared out of nowhere and ran past me, some almost knocking me down. In their panic they began to look more like crazed wild animals than people. I cried for help but they couldn't hear me. I waved my paws then grabbed one of them a male Venlil, tightening my grip with all the strength I had hoping this would get his attention. He threw me off like I was trash, less than trash. I turned around and continued pleading for anyone to help me, reaching out for others. But their frantic idiot eyes looked only straight ahead and not down, never down, as the herd passed me.
I turned back around and continued to run, blood splashing up soaking me all the way to my knees. I stumbled, my legs were so tired I could barely stand, and I fell down catching myself, plunging my paws into blood as deep as my wrists. I felt myself scream but I couldn't hear it over the ringing in my ears. A scrap of paper gently floated past me, a single word written on it that echoed in my mind “Weakling.” It passed and four more took its place, “Coward”, “Liar”, “Oath breaker”, “Murderer.” I screamed in rage and slapped the pieces of paper aside, blood splashing onto my snout, but the meanings of those words remained. Getting back up I stumbled forward, and fell down again. Then with an effort born out of sheer desperation I managed to stand again lurching forward. My legs were too tired to run but I had to keep going, I had to save them. Or at least her, please Protector if you're listening please let me save at least her.
It felt like I was searching for an endless time. Lurching forward, stumbling, falling down, getting back up, lurching forward once more. Eventually I saw it and my heart fell into the pit of my stomach. My family's car was turned over on its roof, the driver's side had been caved in. It was engulfed in fire and thick black smoke that rose up into the sky. I struggled forward and when I reached it I collapsed, my knees hitting the hot pavement. The smell of burning metal and something else I didn't know assaulted my senses making my stomach turn. Every muscle in my body begged me to run away. Calling out their names l looked inside, and a wave of nausea and horror flooded through me.
I turned away and vomited, then reached up with my blood soaked paws and covered my eyes. Those words thundered in my head making me think it was going to burst open, as hot tears welled up. “WEAKLING! COWARD! LIAR! OATH BREAKER! MURDERER! MURDERER! MURDERER! MURDERER! “I'm sorry I'm sorry, I should have stayed, I should have helped. Why did I run?” I wailed, still unable to hear myself. Someone rested a delicate paw on my shoulder, and the world went quiet. As the pain in my head melted away.
My eyes snapped open and I was greeted by the gentle ringing of my alarm. In a rush of adrenaline I leaped out of bed not even bothering to wipe the sleep out of my eyes. Running out of my bedroom and down the narrow hallway towards the living room. Convincing myself It had all just been a horrible, horrible nightmare and everything was alright. Mom and Dad would be fixing breakfast, Dad softly singing a Harchen folk song while making something savory and delicious as mom sang along in harmony, preparing something special for my baby sister Naila. Oh yes and Naila, she would probably be sitting on a cushion in the sunny part of the living room. Holding her crooked tail, a birth defect which my parents said could be fixed when she was older. And making excited chirping noises at my arrival, while sunlight shone against her emerald scales. I loved my baby sister, I knew other kids resented having a younger sibling. Dismissing their responsibilities and spending less time with their family and more with their friends. I never once felt that way, the moment Naila hatched I devoted every spare minute I had to her. Finding music that would help her fall asleep, watching over her when my mom needed a break. Excitedly telling her about the day's events and what I learned at school, especially what I learned in computer science which was my favorite class.
“Mom! Dad!” I yelled bursting into the living room. “I just had the worst…” My voice trailed off as I was greeted with nothing “dream.” My heart tightened painfully in my chest, as I frantically ran through the house throwing open every door, knowing that they had to be here somewhere. They were just playing a game on me that was all, a game I would tell them I didn't appreciate. After the final door had been opened and no one was there to yell “Surprise!” My body slumped and I felt heavy as reality set back in, and the memories of what happened hit me like a hammer. I made my way back down the hall to my room, tail dragging behind me as I crawled back into bed. Wrapping myself tightly in a blanket, trying to find some comfort.
It must have been hours I lay there feeling numb all over, wishing I could get up the energy to just cry. I think I might have fallen asleep at one point. If I did it was a dreamless sleep, thank the stars for that. Eventually I did get up, sitting cross-legged on my bed, resting my chin in my paws, staring holes into the wall. I took a deep breath and side numbly looked out the window, searching for anything to distract myself with.
It was overcast, and eerily quiet. The emergency sirens had stopped blaring yesterday mere hours after everyone had gotten to the bunkers. The bodies of the dead had already been collected and their blood cleaned from the pavement. So as to not attract any predators into the neighborhood. I saw my neighbor A'shul was home, his white vehicle was sporting some new dents. I wondered, when he got into his vehicle yesterday morning and drove to the nearest bunker; did he try to help anyone? Or was he thinking only of himself? I suppose it didn't matter really. Nothing mattered.
I turned my head away and looked around my small room taking in everything, every trinket, misplaced item, my old second-hand desk, a big green crackle finished monster. Better suited for a Venlil than a young Harchen, heck I needed a stool just to use it. I had gotten it for basically nothing about a year ago, when the local extermination office was getting rid of their old furniture. All it took was a small bribe and they put it in my bedroom when no one was home. My parents, but especially my mom we're not happy when they saw it the next day. They would tell me at least once a week that It was too big for me and they were going to get rid of that eyesore. “Wouldn't you like something a little more modern dear?” My mom would ask, practically pleading for me to say yes. I used to pray that my parents would just shut up and stop bugging me about that stupid desk. I thought it was great, it made me think of private detective Bal from the exterminators show. Bal was a no nonsense Harchen who was so often pivotal in tracking down the predator or predator diseased person. My desk was very similar to his and that's why I wanted it. But at that moment, I would have given anything to hear those words again.
On the desk there was an ornate wooden box, with a fruit tree in full bloom delicately carved into its lid. There were also scuff marks where it had been dropped, and a deep crack running down the center. It was known as a blessing box, Naila's blessing box to be specific. When she hatched nearly ten months ago the whole neighborhood had been invited to come and write a blessing on a scrap of paper and put it in the box. I had written one too, not a blessing but a promise, a promise I couldn't keep. The belief was that if kept near the infant, the combined power of all those blessings would keep the hatchling safe until their first birthday. Where on that day the box would be set on fire and burned to ash. Releasing those blessings back into the world so they may protect someone else. It was an old tradition and not commonly practiced anymore, but as my dad always said “It is important to keep the old traditions alive my son. Both in song and action.” I remember asking him why? And he looked at me like he had been waiting for that question for a long time. “Because” He said, his tail moving with authority. “Someday when you lose your way, and you don't know where to turn to. You will always have something to guide you back to your center.”
Looking away from the box not wanting to look or think about the damn thing, I shifted my gaze down to my bedside table. There was a little holographic projector showing pictures of me, Mom, Dad and Naila on holiday back on Fahl, the Harchen home world to see family. I was born and raised on Venlil prime, so I didn't really know any of my extended family. There was a picture of my mom and Naila sleeping at the beach. Naila’s crooked tail coiled around mom’s arm, their scales a deep emerald in the light of the sun. The picture changed to me and Dad putting the finishing touches on a sand skyscraper taller than him. I had to sit on his shoulders to place the last bucket full of sand on top. Both of our scales were as blue as the ocean. My tail flicked sadly thinking of that day. I reached over and turned the holo protector off.
My holopad lay next to me flashing, alerting me to an urgent message. I hadn't really looked at my holopad since yesterday morning. Picking it up I tapped the flashing icon. It was an official government statement signed by Governor Tarva herself, saying that the humans Noah and Sarah were peaceful explorers, and that they only wished to be our friends. ‘No, that's impossible, they’re predators. Predators don't want peace, they want to conquer, kill and eat us,’ stunned and confused I kept reading. The rest of the message stated that the two human scientists were completely unaware there was intelligent life of any kind on Venlil prime. ‘No! Lies! Predator lies!’ I yelled inside my head. Something hot began to form in my chest as I read the last bit. Governor Tarver had shown the two predators footage of the Arxur torturing Venlil pups. It said that the humans were capable of empathy and felt deeply saddened and angered by what they saw. They vowed to do everything in their power to get their united nations into the war against the Arxur.
I scrolled all the way down and what I saw stopped me cold. Standing in her office being flanked by General Kam, stood Governor Tarva. Beside them looming over the two Venlil one bigger than the other, both of them covered in some sort of protective suit. Their faces were obscured by dark visored helmets. It said that the larger of the two Noah was male, and the smaller one was Sarah female. Sarah had her hands clasped in front of her, while Noah kept his to his side. Neither were acting threatening, and neither Tarva or Kam looked to be harmed in any way.
Something in me snapped, that hot thing inside my chest erupted and I could feel my scales turn black. I very carefully set my holopad down beside me, then I uncrossed my legs and got out of bed. I stood there in the center of my room shaking slightly, feeling terribly calm as white hot rage flooded my body, spreading to my paws and all the way out to the tip of my long tail. It never had to happen, the panic, the stampede, the death, we could have stayed home and avoided those people. ‘No… no not people,’ a bitter thought came over me. ‘They're not people at all, people stop and help, like that Venlil girl Kayleik, she was a person maybe the only one. But the rest of them were just wild animals, masquerading as sentient beings. ‘Do you really think you're any better, coward?’ Some internal voice said.
A sudden impulse took control of me and I grabbed my desks stool and hurled it against the wall. It dented the wall and bounced off still in one piece. Enraged, I leaped forward grabbing it by the legs, then turned around and slammed it into my desk. The sheet metal dented and the green crackle finish paint flew off, but the stool made of good dense wood from the string fruit tree stayed whole. “DAMN THEM! DAMN THEM! DAMN THEM! DAMN THEM!” I screamed, slamming the stool down again and again, my tail whipping wildly, striking the bed and the floor. The tip of my tail began to hurt, which only fueled my anger. Finally I heard cracking and wood began to splinter off. They didn't have to die, we could have stayed home. The muscles in my shoulders burned and my heart pounded as hot tears began to well up. I brought it down one final time narrowly avoiding the blessing box, and the stool broke in two. I hurled the pieces away from me, one slamming into the corner the other crashing through the window.
I leaned against the desk catching my breath as tears flowed freely. ‘Well that definitely showed them didn't it. Hey I got a great idea! Let's go break some more stuff, that will definitely make you feel better. Idiot!’ That internal voice said all coldness and bitterness. As I cried, the burning in my chest cooled, and I was filled with the same numbness as before. After a while my stomach growled, reminding me I hadn't eaten since yesterday. I moved sluggishly out of my bedroom and went straight to the kitchen, quickly grabbed some fruit and left to go and watch the view screen or something. The moment I entered the living room, memories came flooding back. Mom and Dad laughing, Naila sleeping peacefully, the lingering aroma of breakfast, and the warmth of our home. But now it was all gone and I was alone. For the first time in my life, I had no one to go to.
It was right then I realized I couldn't stay here anymore. This place felt like a tomb, all cold and filled with the memories of the dead. Besides, if I stayed here someone would eventually send the authorities to come and get me. Ship me off to an orphanage, foster care or maybe to my extended family back on Fahl. I balked at the idea of being forced to live with people I didn't know or trust. Memories of yesterday's stampede invaded my mind and I shuddered. I couldn't trust any of them not anymore. No, there was one person I could think of that maybe I could trust. Turning around I went back to my room, found my backpack and grabbed my holopad, the blessing box, the holo projector and my blanket stuffing it into my pack. Then I went to the kitchen and filled my pack up the rest of the way with dried fruit and vegetable snacks. With my backpack looking like it was going to burst I shouldered it and made my way to the front door. When I rested my scaly paw on the door handle I stopped and looked back at the place that was once my home. “Goodbye” I said in a shaky voice, knowing this would be the last time I would never set foot in this house. With my head low I opened the door and stepped out, into the dim light of a new unfamiliar world.

For context I (m60) raised my SD21 since she was 11 and have been married to her mom for 5 yrs. I know that my SD doesn’t have the best relationship with her bio dad & doesn’t like to talk about him much. But anyway she was telling me and her mom this morning that her friends have never seen a pic of her dad & that she decided to post a pic of her and her dad on her Instagram account yesterday.
I felt kind of off about it because I don’t want her to post anything that’s gonna start something since everyone thinks I’m her biological father. But we all go to church and my SD’d friends have heard about her dad but never seen a photo of him and she felt that it was time for them to see.
Anyway back to the story, I told my SD that she shouldn’t have posted the picture of her and her dad because it’s gonna stir conflict and that she’s gonna start nothing but drama. She tried telling me that it doesn’t matter because that’s still her dad and she still loves him. I tried to tell her that not everyone needs to know all the stuff that goes on between her and her dad. She said she wasn’t gonna tell anyone about their estranged relationship, that she just wanted to post a picture. But I think otherwise.
She tried telling me “it’s literally my dad. Why is that such a problem to you? I don’t see you getting so defensive when I post pictures of me and you? Why can’t you just understand that? What is so hard about this?? At least I post about you online, I don’t ever see your 4 bio kids posting about you at all. They don’t even want to talk to you!”
I got in self defense mode and told her “that’s different and you KNOW that. You seriously need to stop causing all this drama. You need to GROW UP! Maybe this is why you don’t have a lot of friends because you run your mouth too much and try to start something stupid every single time. It’s pathetic that you’re almost 22 yrs old and still act like a freaking child. Grow up man and go get a stupid job. I’m so tired of this. I don’t even know why you want to post about your dad after all the crap he’s said and done to you and when your relationship is barely making ends meet.”
There’s no way she’s gonna talk about my 4 kids like that and butt in like that. So I told her off and said that I said and walked out the door to my back yard to cool off. When I came back inside I could see that she had been crying and noticed tissues in the trash can. Her mom/my wife (f60) tried telling me that I crossed a major line and had no business to tell her daughter who is an adult what to & what not to post on her social media profiles. Now I feel pretty bad because of what my wife said but I dont feel bad about what I said, even though she told me I should be.

i’m so sorry if this is rlly long, im new to reddit so pls let me know if i need to shorten it and how to do so😭
hi so this is kinda hard to explain fully so i’ll try to explain the most important parts.
this maybe a TW to a lot of ppl so please be careful reading this i don’t want to upset anyone! ⚠️
so i’m 20(f) and i’ve been with this guy (also 20)for about over two years. we met in highschool when i was going through a breakup and he was one of my only closest friends. as with all abusive relationships, it started off so amazing, it was my first in person serious relationship so i was fully heard over heels. so much so that when red flags started popping up i ignored them. it started off with him telling me to drop my closest guy friends, etc… and i did because he used him having no friends at all to make me feel like i had to do the same. he also got me into smoking weed, which i have nothing against btw, it was just bad for me because i used it to cope with a lot of my depression. since i smoked weed more often, i started gaining weight which i had no problem with since i had gone through a severe case of anorexia about 2 years prior, but it did make me a little insecure. slowly he started insulting my weight, my body, and so many other things, until it led to the point where he got physical after around six or seven months of us dating. i remember his mom walking in on him about to hit me with a belt and she had been abused by his dad and my bf witnessed it all, so she was very angry at him and she took my side, and i’ll never forget what she told me; “this isn’t love. someone who loves you would never even think of putting their hands on you”. i still feel guilty for not listening to her. i wanted to believe in him so badly, so i stayed and things just got worse.
everyday there was a fight, either verbally or physically (most of the time both), and i just felt so horrible. so i eventually wanted to adopt a cat, something i always wanted to do since i was a little girl. i adopted a kitten and unfortunately my parents did not allow me to keep him at my house because of my dog, and i asked my bf if i could keep him at his house for the meantime while i can work with my parents on how he can live with me (the kitten). i am not exaggerating when i say that that little kitten was my soulmate in a little cat body. he seemed to understand me and love me in a way no other human did. and i loved him more than anything. i eventually went on vacation with my family for a few days and when i came back i could tell somehow things were different. he wouldn’t let me see my kitten and when i pretty much forced him to let me see him, he started crying and begging me not to leave him. i of course panicked and agreed because i thought something bad happened to my kitten, and he showed me him and told me that he had broken one of his paws. i was so horrified, i felt so much pain at seeing my little buddy in that state, so i freaked out and i demanded and begged that he let me take him to the vet or anywhere else that wasn’t his house so that he can get help. but he refused, and even threatened me if i took him, saying it was his cat and just making me feel like it was my fault that this happened and not his. my biggest regret and the reason i feel guilty to this day is that i stayed out of fear, instead of taking my kitten with me and never looking back. he ended up killing my kitten one night that i went home (i have always lived with my parents), and he didn’t tell me until i came over the next day. it was the most painful and traumatic day of my life, knowing that i never got to say goodbye to my kitten, knowing how much my kitten loved me and how much i loved him, and now he was gone when he shouldn’t have been. i screamed and cried so much, and his (my bfs) only response was to aggressively attack me so i would be quiet, and blaming me that if i had taken him he would still be alive.
i felt so guilty and ashamed that i didn’t tell anyone until a month later, when i started having an onset of ptsd because of everything that happened, i decided to tell my therapist. she was horrified, saying that it was one of the most horrific things she ever heard, and honestly if it wasn’t for her help, i would’ve never survived that pain and guilt of losing my kitten. i know now that i was in a heavy denial that my bf would do something so horrible, so i continued on seeing him, but things just got worse and worse. he did so many fucked up things to me, physically, mentally, sexually, in almost every single way possible that you can imagine. i used weed as my coping mechanism for a lot of it, and it was the only way i could numb all the pain he was causing me. i was so depressed, i never felt suicidal with intentions of offing myself, but i did just want to go to sleep and never wake up. the guilt of my kittens death, combined with the horrible abuse this person that was supposed to love me was doing, was so painful. eventually i told my family what happened, but all they did was basically say that i “let it happen” and that “i should’ve left the first time he put his hands on me”, and that “why didn’t i defend myself the way i defended myself against them (referring to my family)”. it hurt but i understand they weren’t educated on it, especially coming from a minority family.
eventually a few months passed, and i found out i was pregnant. it was honestly one of the best days of my life, even if i was young, i still was happy because there was this little life in me. and i knew from the second i found out that i couldn’t stay with him. i couldn’t allow my baby to have that same life that i was living, but i didn’t know how to get out. he didn’t want me to continue the pregnancy when i told him, and even threatened to leave me and not support me at all, but i was determined to stand by my decision; he wasn’t going to take away my choice of having my baby. i stopped smoking weed the day i found out, and he always tried to make me smoke, which i refused, which would get him so upset. but i was determined to take care of my lil baby from the start, he had taken away too much already from me. i told my parents and they were disappointed but quickly became supportive, and encouraged me to leave him for good. it took a few months of me seeing him occasionally, but things not really changing, for me to leave him for good.
i left a few weeks ago due to me realizing that the only thing i was doing by going over to his house was putting myself and my baby in danger. and after a very scary traumatizing incident, i realized while crying and praying to God, that the only true love i’ve ever felt and feel at this point, is for my baby. my bf was no longer my whole world, it was my baby, and as a mother to be, i was going to do everything to protect my baby. i rather go through the pain of breaking away from my bf then something bad happening to me or even to my baby. not only does my baby deserve a happy and safe life, but i realized that i do too. and in order for my baby to be happy, i have to be happy as well. so i made a promise to God and to myself and my baby, that i was never ever going to see my bf again. so that day after i left his house, i never went back. i don’t blame other moms in these situations, because it is so incredibly difficult to get out, i know, trust me i do. but for me what has helped me stay strong in my decision, is seeing how much happier me and my baby are already. i only have a few more months until i give birth, and i can already feel him kicking so hard now and being much more active. i truly believe it’s because he senses that we’re truly safe now, that our nightmare is over.
it’s been really hard i’m not going to lie, i cry sometimes and miss the person i fell in love with, but my faith in God and my baby have helped me a lot, as well as my family! that person i fell in love with, left a long time ago, and was never truly there. i know that i’m doing the right decision for me and my baby, to be safe and to have a happy life together. i know i can be both mommy and daddy to him, and most importantly i’ll teach him that he has God as his father too, which is much much better than having a pos father tbh.
going back to the title of my post though, i realized in these recent days that i know it’s time to go no contact completely. i haven’t seen him at all which i know is good, but i know to fully move on i have to cut off all communication with him. i think he can sense i’m breaking away from him, because yesterday he begged me to come over, saying all the things he used to say before, like that he “wants to hold me”, he wants to get our favorite drink together and food, that he wants to feel our baby kick, which honestly made it so hard to say no but i stood by my decision as painful as it was 🫠i told him i will not see him because i know things are going to remain the same and i’m doing what’s best for my baby and for me. and that as much as i still have love for him and miss him, i will not put myself or my baby in danger any longer. he proved my point after i said that, because he basically said so many horrible things to me, including that i was a “dumb overweight bitch”, “fuck you”, and he got mad that i saved a video of MY kitten that HE killed, saying that “fuck you for saving a video of me and my boy”, and a bunch of other hurtful stuff. it was honestly so disgusting and it made me glad i stuck by my decision to not ever see him again. i left him on read so he spam called me and i only answered once to tell him to leave me alone, but he basically only called me to say “i rather spend money on drugs and alcohol than you and that fucking baby🥲”. i’m not going to lie and act like it didn’t hurt, it really did. it really really did. but it also strangely gives me strength and makes me feel reassured that i made the best decision ever by leaving, not only for myself but for most importantly my baby. i don’t need him in my life anymore, all i need is my baby, God, and my family.
ever since then i want to send him a message that i want to breakup with him for good and basically go no contact from there. it sounds stupid, but i’m still scared to do so, i’m scared i’ll regret it in a way, even though i know for certain i won’t. i also remember the “good times” and it makes me sad and feel guilty for “giving up on him” even tho i know he doesn’t deserve me at all🫠. i guess that’s the abused part of me being scared still. i know i’ve taken an important big step by cutting off physical contact, but i know i can’t keep talking to him because he’ll only find other ways to torment me and make me feel bad even from far away. i guess i just wanted to ask for reassurance that i’m doing the right thing? idk🥲 sometimes it feels like i’m not strong enough, but my baby always reminds me with his kicks (lol) of why i’m doing all of this, which is for him!! a mothers love is truly so strong, i never really knew that until now. i would do anything to protect my baby. the only thing that has kept me happy and strong enough to continue is him! :’) and i also want to cut off contact for good because i want to enjoy the last months of my pregnancy in peace lol, and once he’s born soon i def do not need my bf stressing me out nor do i want him to. i also do not want him to be apart of my baby’s life once he’s born, i made sure to collect evidence just in case he ever wants to ask for visitation rights, cuz there is NO WAY in hell i will ever allow him to be near my baby let alone be alone with him ever. it’s sad but it’s the reality of his actions, it’s my job to protect my baby first. i’m lucky to have my family’s financial support as well while i finish up college, so i def do not care if he threatens me with not paying child support. i just want him out of our lives for good.
so yeah im just looking for reassurance that im doing the right thing and any advice if anyone has some! 🥹🫶i just want to be a good mommy to my baby and i hope i’m doing just that already 🥲❤️‍🩹i haven’t really told many people about my story out of fear of judgment, so it’s really a big step for me to share, even if it’s anonymous in a way. im just focusing on trusting God and myself, and im so excited to meet my baby soon! 🥹and to do better in college since i’ve been slacking ever since i started due to all the trauma and problems my bf put me through. i’m excited in general, to get my life back and to start a new chapter with my little one! 🥹🥲🫶 i got in contact with my old friends which has been nice, i know i should try to socialize more so i won’t feel as depressed. i also am looking for a new therapist (i stopped going to my old one a few months ago due to it being out of pocket😭), which i’ve been procrastinating but i know it’s important to help me heal from my trauma and to help me with my ocd (which has gotten worse tbh and it makes me more anxious about my baby🥲 even tho i know he’s okay i’m just really paranoid always). i am sad, but not as sad as i was when i was with him. and while i don’t really want to find a partner in the future because my priority is my baby, i do hope i’ll one day find someone who can love me as i deserve. it feels impossible though, but i know that might just be because of all the effects of his abuse…
i hope even if you don’t have advice for me or anything to say (which is totally fine!) i hope people reading this can find comfort that all bad moments come to an end, and that you have the power to leave, as hard as it is ❤️‍🩹even if it doesn’t seem like it, i promise you will get through it. i’m still not over it completely, i def have a long way to go, but i know it’ll all be worth it, and tbh it already is worth it!
thank you for taking the time to read this, i send all my love and good vibes to all of you warriors! <3 :’)

I (26F) matched with this guy on tinder, (28M)we haven’t met yet because I just had ankle surgery and I’m still recovering. He’s been the one to initiate the conversations the first few times. First on tinder, then we exchanged numbers and he wanted to talk on the phone, then he texted me a couple of days later and we texted back and forth all night then we said goodnight. I’m definitely attracted to him and he seems to have a fun and extroverted personality. He’s a single dad with a 5 year old boy and I’m a single mom with a 3 year old girl. He said he’d like us all to hangout and go to the arcade or something. I thought that was sweet but I’ve never thought to take my kid on a first date lol 😆 he also knows my ex they have worked on a job together but through a different company is this a bad sign already?? Lol anyways I’m so shy to text him first it’s been a few days since we talked. Should I just play it cool and wait for him to text me? Or should I make a move? A part of me feels like it’s my turn but another part of me isn’t trying to look desperate. I feel like men should initiate more in the beginning because they are most likely to have a roster of women they are interested in/talking to whereas I don’t 🤷🏽‍♀️ so if he’s genuinely interested but has a roster I’d feel silly for trying to even make a move if that makes any sense??

Selamun aleykum. I noticed a pattern in my life and wanted to warn you guys to, let my mistakes be a lesson for y'all.
A couple years ago, I started really obsessing with music, it even became my passion and I even wanted to learn to play the drums (couldn't because lack of money). The last few years of my life have been THE worst. I became a horrible muslim, even almost leaving itg (alhamdulillah I never did). I became really depressed, struggled with burnout, all that kind of horrible stuff. Last ramadan I decided to better myself and become a better muslim and make Allah (and my mom XD) proud of me. When I started I had a lot of waswasa. The MOMENT I stopped listening to music, I felt SO MUCH closer to my deen, the waswasa stopped and I felt so much happier. I am now a much better muslim alhamdulillah and I am still trying to better myself.
Now I want to mention 2 of my muslim friends who also struggle: 1 of them, his heart is empty when it comes to islam. He believes in his mind, but not his heart. I tell him something about islam, which really effects me, but he does not care at all. Guess what? He regularly listens to music
My other friends CONSTANTLY has waswasa like I did. He is trying to better himself, but it seems like no matter what he does, he cannot get rid of the waswasa. Guess what? He also regularly listens to music.
We are much worse muslims than muslims just a 100 years ago used to be. Why? Because music is ALL around us. You watch tv or a movie? Music. You watch Youtube or Tiktok? Music. You go to the store? Music. Having music basically everywhere became much more common, and the ummah is suffering because of it.
Music is the invention of the Iblis. It's single purpose in this dunya is to take you away from your deen. Please, do not make the same mistake my friends and I did/do, and quit music as fast as you can. Start listening to Nasheeds (without instruments), or Kuran recitation, or even podcast if you really don't feel like it.
May Allah help all of our struggling brothers and sisters.

Selamun aleykum. I noticed a pattern in my life and wanted to warn you guys to, let my mistakes be a lesson for y'all.
A couple years ago, I started really obsessing with music, it even became my passion and I even wanted to learn to play the drums (couldn't because lack of money). The last few years of my life have been THE worst. I became a horrible muslim, even almost leaving itg (alhamdulillah I never did). I became really depressed, struggled with burnout, all that kind of horrible stuff. Last ramadan I decided to better myself and become a better muslim and make Allah (and my mom XD) proud of me. When I started I had a lot of waswasa. The MOMENT I stopped listening to music, I felt SO MUCH closer to my deen, the waswasa stopped and I felt so much happier. I am now a much better muslim alhamdulillah and I am still trying to better myself.
Now I want to mention 2 of my muslim friends who also struggle: 1 of them, his heart is empty when it comes to islam. He believes in his mind, but not his heart. I tell him something about islam, which really effects me, but he does not care at all. Guess what? He regularly listens to music
My other friends CONSTANTLY has waswasa like I did. He is trying to better himself, but it seems like no matter what he does, he cannot get rid of the waswasa. Guess what? He also regularly listens to music.
We are much worse muslims than muslims just a 100 years ago used to be. Why? Because music is ALL around us. You watch tv or a movie? Music. You watch Youtube or Tiktok? Music. You go to the store? Music. Having music basically everywhere became much more common, and the ummah is suffering because of it.
Music is the invention of the Iblis. It's single purpose in this dunya is to take you away from your deen. Please, do not make the same mistake my friends and I did/do, and quit music as fast as you can. Start listening to Nasheeds (without instruments), or Kuran recitation, or even podcast if you really don't feel like it.
May Allah help all of our struggling brothers and sisters.

Hi, I'd like to start with introducing myself. I'm 24F and Last year this time of the year, I was dating a guy who was a follower of the red pill community. We were in a long distance relationship and met only a few times. The relationship was about 8-9 Months long. For people who are not aware about it, Red pill community is a group of guys that blame females for all there problems and they feel that females are privileged and hence, They've always have an upper hand and have ruined their life by taking away their opportunities and what now.
I wasnt aware what i was getting myself into but I want to make others aware. So I'll talk about the various "red flags" of my relationship and how it affected me. I am not longer in a relationship with that guys.

1. Guy Friends: We meet online and his initial communication never showed any hatred for women as such. He seemed interested in me and quickly asked me to date him as well. He would often "praise" that I had no guy friends which was a "green flag". (In reality I had no friends, let alone male friends.) He said girls with boyfriends should not have guy friends. Its disrespectful to the boyfriend. Even thou, He has a female best friend. I took this lightly. Later in our relationship, he made me unfollow a bunch of guys on instagram. They were former classmates and colleagues. I'd not met most of them for years and months. He would often ask me if my dad had female friends or if my mom had male friends and when I would say no. He would say, See because one shouldnt friends of opposite gender
   
2. Clubbing: He hated girls who were open about their sexuality and would call them names. He said girls in a relationship should not go to clubs as thats a "hoe" place to be in. I remember fighting to go to a club when an old friend was visiting me and she wanted to go to one of our fave clubs from our college days. He said he is disappointed in me and that going to clubs with a single friend is the worst as she might try to hook up with guys and I'll be left alone and then someone will hookup with me. He said and I quote "I will not leave my car in a shady areas and pray to god that it doesnt get stolen. It's my mistake I went there at the first place." I ended up going to a bar instead of a club. He made me feel really bad about that as well later.
   
3. Content: After the 2nd month he would send me red pill youtube and reddit content to normalize such preaching and thats when things really got out of hand because I didnt know what to believe and what not to. I thought maybe I was delusional my whole life and that this is the "reality of the world" where women are these "ruthless" beings. (He said I was special because I was trying to make myself aware about it). He specifically showed and talked about this one story where the wife cheats on her husband because he's always busy at work (He said the poor guy is working his ass off for the family and the wife is so ungrateful) The wife cheats and marries her boyfriend and takes the kid and the guy's money and what not. I'm not saying cheating is good but the interruption of every story led to the same conclusion that women are bad. He said this is the reality. I started questioning myself more and more as I got trapped in the red-pill community.
   
4. Future: He was very sure about our future and said that he wanted me to be his wife. He said he doesnt want me to work. Females should stay at home cook and clean and take care of the babies. He said it would hurt him to see me work as he's the man of the house.
   
5. Comments on Body: I'm overweight atm but when I was dating him I used to be in better shape. He said He likes that I take care of my body and anything else would be a disrespect to the person you are dating. One should always look like how they looked when they first started dating. One shouldnt "let go" of their body. He used to go to the gym and would insist that I go to. Later in the relationship towards the end, I started my masters and Couldnt be active. The relationship was taking a toll on me as well and I started gaining weight. He would comment on it. I would share photos with him and the first comment would always be like "you look thin in this" or " Oh! In picture toh you look fine only " He did motivate me to go to the gym which i was grateful about but at that point I only went to make him happy and not because I actually wanted to go.
   

These were some of the red flags I could think about. He cheated on me. He had been cheating the last 3 Months of our relationship. He initially broke up saying I had gained weight and he wasnt attracted to me and also because he couldnt see any future in our LDR. Later he confessed that he had been cheating on me and left me because he started getting physical with the other girl and it was no longer "just talking". He said I was trying to get rid of me for a while but I never let him leave. All in All. It ended. It took me quite some thing to realize how I was brainwashed into accepting a whole new reality masked as ' I love you thats why I'm helping you understand the real world'.
I have trust issues (ofc!) and It's been hard to undo the damage. I started dated a new guy recently and caught myself saying You cant have girl best friends and it broke my heart later when I realized. Its a long healing path for me. If any of you are experiencing something similar, Please be aware.

These are things that normal non-famous people do and you mean to tell me Chrisean couldn’t do none of these things for her “billion dollar baby” ?? She has to rely on the rocktards who she also refers to as “broke ass fans” to buy Jr what he needs ?? This is all a clear indication that she doesn’t give af about Jr she never wanted him he’s just a pawn to keep blueface around.

I have another question about OLD for the group, as a woman, how sexy should my profile pictures be? My goal is long term and monogamous. I've been on Stir for about a month now, and I set up a Hinge profile this week. I have a full makeup face selfie or two, and the rest of my pictures are hobby based, which generally means hiking - casual clothes and no makeup. I don't know what other women's profiles look like in my age range (42). I have a home, a car, and a job. None of those things are glamorous, but they are reliable. I'm a single mom to a grade school child looking for companionship that slowly grows into more. I definitely could stand to lose some weight, but I also have enough curves that I could sell those extra pounds reasonably well. I've put a fair amount of thought into the written part of my profile. But a picture is worth a thousand words.
I've been telling myself to keep it real and true to life. Some pictures without makeup, no filters, etc. I'm getting some attention, and handful of conversations a week that eventually fade away. I'm fine with that, overall. But its a lazy Saturday, and I'm tempted to make a play for more attention to see what would happen.
Ladies, do you show much of your physical assets do you show on your dating profiles? Men, especially those seeking long term relationships, what gets your attention as you move through profiles?

Damn this is a long post. 😅 Sorry to whoever reads this I'm a wordy person.
I'm kind of thinking of nachoing. Not because I hate my step daughter but because I really really love her and her relationship is so important to me.
Basically since my fiance and I got serious I have stepped in as a parental figure to my SD who is now a young 5. I love her as much as I could love a kid that I didn't give birth to. She is smart, funny, sweet, energetic, sassy and curious.
We have 60/40 custody and her mom is involved and HC only with my fiance. Her mom teaches her bad manners (like that it's funny to be mean to people, she doesn't need to say please and thank you, swearing is encouraged etc etc), let's her eat all the junk food and treats she wants, is a little neglectful in the love and comfort area and both of her parents (and both sets of grandparents) baby her and coddle her (she RARELY gets told no from anyone in her life). She has a switch (from dad) and an iPad (from mom) with snapchat and messanger on it (which I get the premise. She can talk to us while at mom's and mom while here) and both her and my fiance call our Xbox her Xbox. I can already see a technology addiction surfacing in her, she's already talking about us getting her a phone, 1000 times a day she's like "I just need to snapchat this" and she spends probably a good hour a day staring at herself with filters on. At our house we only let her have her iPad when we are actively watching her. But I am so concerned over the long term affects this will have on her. My fiance says he is concerned only when I push him on it and sometimes comes back with "yes of course I agree. I can't do anything about it. Her mom got her the iPad".
We are also trying to encourage her to be more independent and help out a bit around the house....things like bringing her plate to the kitchen after supper, putting her shoes away in her cubby, hanging up her towel and hair towel after her bath and filling up her water bottle.
This week has been a very taxing week because my fiance hasn't been home much because of work so I've been home with her 24/7 and everyday has been met with "I don't want to do it I want you to do it for me", "I hate doing things for myself", "I like when you do it", "I can't do it", her throwing her hair towel at me while she is playing her switch and saying "here go hang this up" with a bossy tone or full on temper tantrums. This went on the last time we had her too. She sometimes has had bad days where she throws a tantrum but this week especially it's been multiple times every single day. It is mostly stemming from her not wanting to do things for herself because she's so used to us catering 24 hours a day.
The other dynamic is that she wants everything I have. She loves me and I'm her idol and it's absolutely exhausting. She will happily be playing until she sees me and my fiance holding hands and then she needs to break it up and go in the middle. Or we are holding hands in the car and she tells me to let you of his hand so I can hold hers. I get a new dress why didn't I get her the matching one and she gets upset. My fiance buys me flowers and she complains she didn't get any (last time I got flowers I happened to be in the city and found a cute sticker book I thought she would love.) when she came home I gave her her books and she was happy for 2 minutes until she realized my fiance got me flowers and for the next 24 hours she constantly was like "why did you get SM flowers but not me" "I want flowers too", my best friend made me a painting for my engagement and she kept asking why my best friend made me one and not her. She even talks nonstop about how her dad is gonna buy her a ring like mine (engagement ring) for like a month after my engagement. I don't blame her and I understand that a) she wants to be included and b) she wants to be exactly like me (she has told me as much). But it's exhausting and sometimes when I can't even get a kiss from my fiance without her needing one too it stings. (I don't blame her and I would never expect my fiance to not give her a kiss if she asks for one after I get one)
So like I said this week I have been with her 90% of the time. I've kept up with laundry, housework, yard work, transportation and I usually get up before my fiance to make him coffee and pack his lunch so he can sleep in a bit (it's something I LOVE doing for him so he can sleep in.) she has been a bit of a menace with talking back and arguing, entitlement and tantrums but I've dealt with it and always bounce back and try to stay calm and steady and understanding in the face of her big emotions.
Last night my fiance and I talked about how if we ask her to do something we are not going to be doing it for her.
So flash forward to this morning. I wake up and brush my teeth with SD (she complains nonstop or doesn't do it unless Indo it with her). Go downstairs and my fiance comes down 10 minutes later he gives me a kiss and SD starts asking why I get a kiss and she doesn't so he gave her one as well. Things like that sometimes sting and it did this morning so I went upstairs for 5 minutes to regroup and tell myself it's not a big deal. I can be hurt but no one did anything wrong. Then my fiance was taking SD with him and asked her to get her water bottle and fill it up (he asked her like 5 times). She refused to fill it up so he went to do it and I reminded I'm about our talk last night and he disregarded that and did it anyway.
I texted him and told him that when he brushes me off that way it makes me feel like he doesn't value what we decide on together and it's very important to me that when we ask her to do something she does it and if she refuses to she deals with the natural consequences (ie she chose not to fill her water bottle up she will have to go the car ride without water). He brushed that off and told me he was just not wanting to fight with her about it. And then told me that he felt "unloved when I went upstairs this morning" and so I explained that when I can't get a moment of affection for myself sometimes it really stings and today was one of those days (but that I also don't expect him to refuse to give SD a kiss because that's unfair to her and she deserves affection too) so I went upstairs to regroup and came back down after I had 5 minutes. And he responded with "how unacceptable that a child wants affection from her parent" and that just felt very condescending and cycled into a fight.
Anyways I kind of feel like I am at my limit. I don't feel like my perspective and advice is valued and that response from my fiance really makes me feel icky. There was no kindness and compassion in it.
I'm thinking maybe I should nacho from any parental duties for the time being, still give her love and affection but really prioritize myself and my needs day to day instead of bending over backwards for her and my fiance. Let him deal with his child. And I know the affection thing I'm just gonna have to get over and figure out a way to handle better when it feel like it stings.
Any advice or encouragement or even constructive criticism would be so helpful