Printable outline of mans body

I know Jesus is your best friend now. Love is surrounding you in a way I will never comprehend until I am there with you ❤️ I'm still down here though, I'm living & learning without you ❤️ I went to a restaurant with a patio today. I know those were your favorite.. especially at nighttime ~ super brownie points if there was a fire to sit next to. 🩵 I experienced the trigger of a life time. I sat there as it began happening and had to distract myself to keep from crying. The sky was beautiful. 🧡 The air felt blissful. It breaks my heart.. The darkness of life took you away from me & I had to watch you struggle to climb out of that darkness. 🙏🏼 Alcohol took your life away & when you would be able to defeat it & the real you, the man I married, the husband who loves me more than anything on this earth was able to be the one doing the talking and walking... Those moments were everything. I wish you didn't have to fight that fight. 🌷 Even you didn't want to do the things you did, but whatever was inside of you was out to get me and you. 💚 I am thankful before God called you to be looking down on me from above instead of into my eyes by my side that you found Him again. 🧡 Your heart was where it was supposed to be my love 💕 & I hope you're getting the most amazing moments with your dad, I know you missed him more than anything. 🩷 I remembered at the restaurant today when everything went white at that bar and I had what I could only guess was an anxiety attack. I wasn't drinking, but I told you I was scared and I felt like I was going to fall. My body got hot & I got weak and dizzy & you pulled me on top of you & kept running your fingers through my hair until I could see again. You told me I am okay, you had me, you would never let anything happen to me, and how much you loved me & how beautiful I am.. until I could see again and my strength came back. 🥹 I miss you & I'll always love you.. 💞. I know alcohol was a demon and it always was, but I always picked you. No matter what. I hope you got to see the story of your life and got to see how much I loved you. How you were the only one. I've got a lot I've had to heal from and there are some small remnants left but none of my story would have been successful without you. The good and the bad. 🧡 I love you.. yes I am still your noodle ~ Disney princess ~ snow white 🥰 I was so lucky to have been able to love you and be loved by you. Please tell Jesus I love Him so He hears it from you too. 💚

Hello everyone! I wanted to write and share something constructive for this space, that hopefully goes beyond snarking specific names and personalities and helps those who have been harmed in one way or another find a bit of understanding around what happened to them and why.
I've shared pieces of my story here before but the gist is: I am not from the coaching world. I'm from the general spirituality world - from a spiritual modality that has an aspect of divine feminine and divine masculine that has always interested me, but few others in the community. I learned about this whole specific mess listening to love & light confessionals, and went deep into the rabbit hole. The perversion of understanding of masculine/feminine energy dynamics was horrifying but also enlightening. I'm big on learning how NOT to be from people who give me the major ick. This is why I've done a lot of deep diving in general on cults, gurus, and manipulative spirituality in general - and there's a lot to take away if you can go in with this mindset. I'm also hella autistic and love infiltrating niche internet subgroups whose experiences are much different than mine so I can - again - learn from the experieneces of others, and gain more empathy and understanding of the vast human experience.
I was a very forward facing person for the nonprofit I volunteered for for over 4 years. There was no "guru" that I supplicated, however there was a person formally in charge who abused their power and the willingness of others to help the organization, and was known to be cruel in private, when it suited them. I didn't see this person as above me - in fact in a lot of ways they were quite pitiful and needed a lot of help/support in their role - which is what I did, willingly and for practically free. At one point, the entire org sat down and did a call in of this person, however, they were able to push everyone that they couldn't control out of the way and rewrote the story with themselves as the victim (we all know this one). The final falling out happened at the end of 2019, so luckily for them Covid gave them some time to figure out how to run their events without me (they hired a paid staff).
Anyway, I gave many many hundreds of hours to this cause, and then the person in charge was able to take advantage of me and then push me out of the community I had served very seriously for 6 years with rumors that I had been trying to steal money. This is so far beyond the truth, and everyone involved directly knows this, but no one came to dispell the rumor. So, I've been heartbroken by supposedly "spiritual" leaders of a community, that's for sure. In fact listening to Katya was part of the cult deprogramming that me and a group who had left together went through (this group also used, abused, and betrayed me but that's another story!)
So, this isn't going to be about me, I just wanted to share my background. This is about what the divine feminine and the divine masculine "REALLY" are. This may get a bit woo in here but I can't imagine anyone here is afraid of woo. In fact it's the mystery of the spiritual experience that allows these people to cause so much harm. So let me try to remove some of that mystery.
The creation is polarized, in many ways. One of those ways is masculine/feminine. The masculine force is the will, the conscious mind, and that which puts the infinity of possible experience into order. It in and of itself is quite fallible. The feminine force is the subconscious mind - all that is - and the untapped potential of this reservoir. The masculine reaches for the feminine, and if the will (masculine) is properly configured, the unmanifest creation (feminine) will give him something in return. The masculine NEEDS the feminine but the feminine doesn't really NEED the masculine, however it does desire the masculine's attention being focused it its direction (instead of random mundane wordly experiences). And the feminine wants the masculine's attention consistently, lest the feminine will not be consistent at all in its response. This attention can be forceful or gentle, but it must be consistent.
Every human has a balance of masculine/feminine energy in them, and while women are socially conditioned to tend towards feminine expression and men towards masculine, biological sex really has very very little to do with it. There are of course, positive feminine expressions and negative, and positive male expressions and negative. What these polarity goons do is mostly focus on a mix of positive/negative masculine expression for the man, 0 female expression, and then only positive feminine expression for the woman with maybe, possibly, a bit of positive masculine expression (only during working hours when you're in seperate offices, and only if you're paying the bills, ofc)
Typically, we are attracted to partners who "balance" out our spiritual energy - so the "polarization" in a relationship can be anywhere from hyper masc/hyper femme to barely masc/barely femme - and again, this is NOT a hard and fast rule and has almost NOTHING to do with sex other than a general (mostly cultural) bias. The hyper femme/hyper masc scenario can definitely be more, well, exciting and dramatic than a relationship between two people who have very little polarized charge in that way between them. But that's likely why few of these polarity gurus have any experience in longevity of relationships - they are fueling their "twin flame" relationship with manufactured drama and trauma bonding. In reality, in a relationship, you are supposed to grow together and be more willing to meet each other where you are at in the moment, instead of demanding they be a near perfect idealized form before you offer them any attention/respect.
The reason these male teachers push polarity doctrine is literally because of their own wounding of the expression of the masculine/feminine. Men (especially USian men) have been taught that expressing any aspect of their feminine selves is repulsive and weak and probably gay. So, their solution to their own inability to be vulnerable is to attack women - for being "too masculine" - aka some balanced expression of both, normal! They want their women to be 100% pure unformed childlike energy with no will of their own, just a will that can be given to the man. They want them to embody this feminine space as close to 100% of the time so that they are forced into their masculine 100% of the time. Girlies, if you are in your masculine, this makes them feel more in their feminine and - gosh that's just icky and disgusting. You don't want your man to get a boner for you when you're in the masculine - that might make him GAY! In the very least it's totally beta to be attracted to a masculine woman and basically gay anyway. No thanks!
I'm sorry to be facetious, but this is in general a lot of the subconscious and even sometimes conscious thought processes behind these hyper polarity relationships. These are not evolved, embodied people. These are people who are still very invested in the old fashioned human status quo that has served them for a long time. We had the thread a few weeks back with the Desire on Fire lady (ugh her name escapes me) talking about how her husband had to "put her in her place" for being "too masculine" and how he really just "didnt want her" when she was in her masculine, when she was literally just running her business. Masculine wounding almost ALWAYS shows up as men being jealous of women being better at them in their own field - or really successful publicly at all - and this is why women STILL have a hard time breaking into male dominated spaces. We are systemically kept out because men die inside when they feel inferior to women. They were told this wasn't supposed to happen!!!! In fact, the person who spiritually abused me was a man - I see now how he "kept" me as a pet because of my high standing in the community. But this meant I was still firmly below him in certain ways - a much more comfortable place for me to be, someone who challenged him on his "expertise".
This polarity movement is taking a true spiritual concept and distorting it just to set women back. They don't want you to have an opinion or agency - other than "me want money" and "me want sex". They want you to play on Instagram all day and recruit ladies for them to sexually assault at your joint "retreats". They want you to only feel valued if you're made up and dressed up and "desired" by men. None of this internalized self worth stuff, only external male validation is allowed. Ladies, if any of you reading this are with some sort of this type of man, please, I beg you, choose the bear. This is the type of man who leaves you as soon as your body culminates too many signs of being aged. They are entitlted to a specific cartoon image of what they think a "woman" is, and sadly this culture has made young women INCREDIBLY easy to manipulate, so finding another partner is often quite easy for older men. It's all by design.
Here's another spiritual truth that is often obscured: One of the polarities of divinity is the left hand path and the right hand path. The left hand path is the path of control, wealth, using others, egocentrism, etc. The right hand path is about acceptance, generosity, helping others, and sacrifice. The middle path is a path with little to no power - it's the path of comfort, the path most people are on.
When one walks the middle path - i.e. has not really begun to truly develop their spiritual side - they do not yet have spiritual discernment. What happens when they come across someone who has been using spiritual principles to "build their wealth/power" is that they see someone with a spiritual light - and this isn't super common on social media. When we're hungry for it, we're like a moth to the flame. That's why they always know they'll be another mark. The problem then is when we don't have discernment, we cannot tell which "hand" the light is coming from, and often it's very easy to confuse the left hand for the right and vice versa. For instance, I am giving up a large part of my day to write this purely to help others in this community - Carly or MAL or someone might stumble upon this and see it as "evil". But that's because they see the light, but to them it's against their light, so I'm the evil one. But all I'm trying to offer is freedom of mind, and they're mad because they want your bag, and this is dependent on you being confused and them keeping a crumb of clarity behind a paywall. 💰
Now, some of these girlies are walking the "left hand path" a lot better than the others. I dont know many coaches beyond those talked about here, but I would say someone like MAL has a pretty firm grasp on who she is - a scam artist, a liar, and a user. She's always making up stories and whatnot - she's a pathological liar. She will do anything to get her way. This is pretty serious when you've been behaving this way for years and years. Her image is very rigid and polished, and despite showing up unprepared and offering word salad to her paying persons, her "outer circle" (social media feed etc) is much more curated than most of the other coaches I've seen. She's at the top of the pyramid so she has a huge amount of control and influence. If she cracks someday, we'll see it, and usually people struggle to return to the top once they falter. I'm sure she's already showing some signs of paranoia, which is the first sign a high control person is starting to become unhinged.
Then there are the messier girlies, like Carly, and Karen who has recently been more thoroughly exposed here. These ladies show up very vulnerable to social media, and often are struggling with illness - as someone has said here before, Carly's early coaching gigs were about health and dealing with chronic illness, until she realized that space wasn't sexy or profitable. I'm not saying this is the root of all illness, but transient illness can be a sign of a spiritual mismatch in intentions/action - especially with these people who claim to be "healers" or adjacent to that space. You have to walk your talk, or your body begins to show your hypocrisy. There is a part of these ladies who feel they are truly "helping the planet" and get confused internally when the reaction of their "offers" isn't for people to fall down at their feet worshipping them. This is why they say stuff like "wealth is a mindset!" and other magical thinking - most of them have lived privileged lives and have never been "out" of abundance. They think their "luck" is a carefully curated vibration that they can rub off on others. And like, while I believe that being in the vibrations of someone who is more spiritually mature can help "elevate" someone - these people are playing with spiritual practices and, while seeing some results, truly have no clue what they are talking about and dealing with. People who truly understand manifestation, whether left or right hand, are not busting their ass all day on Instagram trying to recruit lukewarm clients for peanuts. Carly tries SO HARD to sell that all of her work is "easy" and she can "take a walk in the middle of the day!" and not work while she's bleeding and whatnot. But girl, you're hustling and thirsty all over Insta all day every day - this is not abundance, this is not wealth and gratitude, it's giving "big empty black hole in my soul that will never be filled except with more money" energy, babe.
Then there are the girlies like xogingy and The Content Queen whose whole brand seems to be just being a mess all over the place. This sells because it makes people think "well I'm messy maybe I can be messy and rich/successful" but the mess for these girls is much more embraced and embodied than with the prim types like Carly and Karen, who want to be pure luxe and sexy and divine feminine perfection. But the luxe and sexy types are really doing the recruiting for their sexual in-person retreats (or clothing optional zooms) because they're just mega horny all the time (which - btw - is another sign of spiritual imbalance)
And that's the thing - being horny all of the time means your energy body is JACKED. It's not a sign of a free flow of creative energy to crave sex all of the time. Of course a major aspect of this is the sexual magic - yes, there is magic in sex, and I think it's where these folks get most of their magic, because they follow left hand sexual magic practice exclusively (control BDSM). They do play rapes (and borderline real rapes and, in some cases, actual real rapes on their clients/partners), orgasm denial, humiliation, pain rituals - all stuff that truly, objectively, isn't good for the soul. And notice how it's almost always one sided - the male being in total control of the female - though, Carly's substack did have a story about how they did a "role reversal" where she raped/humiliated him and that was um, something I read. 😳 But generally it's the women's job to always be turned on and "dripping wet" and whatnot, so that when her masculine partner gets a boner she's ready for him to slide it in. And then that's always the best sex, the sex that you "surrender" to.... On the contrary, sex between "right hand" practitioners tends to leave both partners feeling quite satisfied and sated - heck, even if only one happens to orgasm! Whereas control oriented sex often has orgasm denial which intentionally leaves the person craving more.
All this is to say, no one should feel guilty for being duped, or conned, or confused, even still. Almost all of these people have weaponized spiritual concepts in some ways and are wielding them with the intention to separate you from your money. They actually do have something that works. But they will NEVER sell you the whole story. And the fact is, this experience likely did happen to you because your soul was aching for some sort of uplevel - or initiation. It's just that initiation rarely looks like getting what we want. MAL et al makes it look like initiation is giving a rich lady 5 figures, popping a bottle of champagne, and roleplaying as that rich lady to which you just gave all that money (or at least, roleplaying as her social media feed). But if you're truly in it for the soul, your experience is going to help you uncover your soul. And part of uncovering our souls at this point in time seems to be having some serious spiritual trauma. And I know some people here probably only did this as "playing around" and not serious and unfortunately, playing with spirituality can be can be dangerous in and of itself. These is not to victim blame at all. It just is the nature of the spiritual path that it may growl and bite at you to test your growth. It's not just a sexy pleasure party 24/7, unless you want to step on a LOT of people to get there.
Anyway, this is very long and I'm not sure it's going to even fit into a reddit post at this point. But I just wanted to share some of the spiritual insights I've had over the years (been on my spiritual journey for over a decade at this point). I don't know it all, but I do know that I live with a general peace of mind that I wish I could sell in a coaching package or voxer group. But I can't/won't do that. So I'll keep to my lifelong duty of making longwinded, mega autistic posts on internet forums that might help a few people orient to a less painful or confused frame of mind, free of charge.
But on that note, before I finish, I'll offer my general spiritual advice: Firstly, take a short time every day to do some sort of sitting/meditation. Learning how to quiet the mind is a skill, and it's the first skill required to learn discernment. Once we can quiet the mind, we can start to learn which thoughts are our own and which thoughts we have absorbed from others - and if you haven't begun this process yet, you may be surprised to find out that the vast majority of your thoughts are actually just society, family, teachers, social media, advertising, etc etc, repeating in your mind and taking up valuable real estate. This is the real hurdle to "manifestation" - clearing away all the false desires that get in the way of our true desires. Subsequently, learning about chakras and tuning into my energy body has also given me a good base for insight and clarity that comes from within my own body.
Secondly, just try to think of others before yourself more often than not. Don't justify manipulating people for your own benefit. Oneness means you treat others how you want to be treated - in a gentle, and nurturing way. When we harm others, especially from a spiritual place, we perpetuate harm, and therefore accept that potential harmful treatment of ourselves. Treating others sincerely with reverence and respect, and setting boundaries so that we don't allow people to treat us with disrespect, is how we generate a reality that treats us with reverence and respect by default. A lot easier said than done, but it is possible.
Love and light to you all.

(Before I begin to explain this park, note that this is a little side quest passion project of mine that I've been planning for 2 years from now, and I'll always keep you guys interested)
The whole point of the park is about progress in the human civilization or the earth itself, and how unique each time period was to its creativity and design. These areas include: Celebrating different cultures and religion with the small Japanese village of Ritorubirejji, venturing into the uncharted with the Scarlet Jungle and its secrets, the clashing of the ancient and the modern into one (creating the symbolism of the eclipse, 2 solar bodies combining for an spectacle, the old being the moon and the new being the sun) with Eclipse Kingdom, the possibility of what the future might become with Apollyon, the nature and how we should preserve it with the Heartlands National Park, the dangers of nuclear world wars with "No Man's Land", architecture in the renaissance period with "Crystal Bay", and teaching the kids the evolution of the human creations such as the airplane through "Little Pilots" and its family-friendly attractions!

Hi everyone,
as a preface, I am currently looking for a therapist to help me with this but that takes a while and I wanted to get some input from people with lived experiences. As a heads-up, I will be talking about my personal struggle with my (male)body and sexuality so if you would rather avoid confronting a similar part of yourself, please feel free to skip this one :).
Also, I am thoroughly inexperienced in this area. If I am saying something that might be insensitive, please to tell, I want to be better.
So for starters I am not out to anyone (even myself). I am currently AMAB, straight, have identified as such all my life and use he/him pronouns. However, I have never felt "masculine"; neither in actions, nor my body.
After many years of slight doubts that I suppressed over and over, I want to finally figure out what I really want/am. I am exhibiting some signs of transgenderism, but I am finding it hard to entertain the thought that I really might be. I am currently just dabbling in thought experiments towards slowly loosening my self-image of "just" male some and I have no idea where this might lead.
As for my actual experience, I have always been the "soft" guy. I danced, sang in choirs, liked to go shopping, enjoyed nice clothes, was mostly friends with girls in high school, hated anything stereotypically "male" and it is and always has been hard for me to connect with other people on that "male" friendship level. I have never, however, had the urge to actively outwardly be more feminine either at least when it comes to anything related to mannerism or dress. It's more when I look at the kinds of social interactions my GFs/sistemother have had with their friends, that I find myself craving similar connections.
My biggest inner struggle is permanently my relationship with my body. In a nutshell, I hate my exterior genitals. I will avoid looking in any mirror, only wear tight underwear that prevents me from noticing things moving around. If I'm having a good day and, say, look down while wearing swimming shorts and I see the outline, my mood sours. I cannot really enjoy receiving intimate attention where that thing is the focus (receiving oral is terrible) while I adore giving pleasure. This makes equitable sexual relations ... a struggle (also I consider myself somewhere on the demi-greysexual side). I have felt like this in some way for probably 20 years (I'm 34 ... kinda late to the game of questioning my gender). I experience pretty strong arousal at the thought of being a woman. Whatever sexual imagery I see, whether in real life or in media, I cannot help but imagine myself as the female part. Just seeing male primary genitals is just about the biggest turn-off. I have tried tucking and have had moderately decent results temporarily but have not found it useful or effective for anything more than a quick feel-good around the house and to see how I would feel when I look down and don't see him (spoiler: pretty good). I would like to be better at it.
I don't know that I would call it gender dysphoria though ... I am generally not unhappy living life as a (soft) guy and while I wouldn't mind exploring some and see how I feel, I currently don't know that living my social life as a woman is what I want. If I could choose to by reborn as a woman, sure, I would say yes but with the path I am currently on, that seems very far away.
I guess I am just confused and finally want to address it and try to do justice by myself. I would be grateful for any insights, experiences, resources, kind words, smiling faces :) Y'all are fantastic and I love the positivity here! Cheers!

I (35f) married my husband (42m) in 2010. We we’re soul mates. We we’re perfect for each other. My husband was very successful, but he liked to use drugs recreationally occasionally. I didn’t mind back then until we had our daughter (now 10). Then I slowly started to nag about it to the point he would attempt to hide it. But after so many years together I could definitely tell when he was high on something. It still wasn’t that big of an issue until covid. We went through a lot during covid. First his grandfather (who raised him) passed from covid. This sent his grandmother (also raised him) into severe dementia, needing full care. Then his best friend was murdered, shot in the back twice. Finally I was facing a breast cancer scare (luckily it wasn’t and I’m fine now). With all this happening in a two year span, he turned to drugs pretty regularly to escape his feelings. I had to deal with the aftermath of it all. The mood swings, the violence afterwards, taking care of our daughter full time, the embarrassment from friends and family, etc. These losses took a toll on me as well but I had to keep everyone moving forward in life. He would never admit he had a problem and continued to hide and lie to me about using. I couldn’t get him to any rehab with him denying it all the time. Eventually I told him I wanted a divorce. This was devastating to him and he began using drugs even more. Daily at this point. He lost his job, lost his reputation and essentially lost his family (me and our daughter). His image has changed dramatically. He’s skinny, has open sores and scars all over his body now. Patches of hair that won’t grow back.
I’ve waited 4 years to actually file the paperwork. We’ve stayed in touch and he sees his child sometimes but not often. I waited for him to clean up and get his life back together. We never tried counseling, and he did suggest it long after we were separated. But he was still using AND he started having girlfriends live with him. So I declined council. Was I wrong for that?
Anyway I finally filed the paperwork and have a lawyer. I’ve given him the papers and he cried and cried, still wanting to be together. 4 years. He’s shown little improvement and has lost everything. Of course I’ll always love him. But it’s as if the person I married is gone. He’ll never be that same man again. I’ve accepted this. AITA for going through with this?

That’s all it was. A game.
Something my friends and I used to play during the summer when we had nothing better to do. I never expected that it would get so out of hand.
I never expected it to come back long after recovery.
To anyone reading, please don’t do what I did.
I’m putting this out there to warn people.
On that warm summer evening, we played the role of Pandora.
Except, the monsters we released were far worse than what’s told in stories.
Because stories end.
And this doesn’t.
I still remember the date. July 16, 2013. I was an upcoming senior in high school while the others were getting prepared for their freshman year of college, raving on about their majors, life plans, dorms, you get the point. The summer had been bittersweet as those months would be the last I’d see them for a while. Because of this, Anthony, Lola, Eliza, and I would spend the bulk of our time together going to festivals and various camping trips, trying to make the most out of the summer while we could. On that day, the day I wish I could forget, Eliza had run late to one of our hangouts at my place. This was odd since as an Ivy league student, she was usually early or right on time to these kind of things. Half past three, we heard her knocking on my door rapidly, which was also out of character considering that she was usually the calm one in our group. A bit worried, I hurried down the stairs with Anthony and Lola following close behind, expecting Eliza to be in hysterics due to her frantic behavior. When I opened the door, however, there she was with a bright smile on her face, her red hair getting in the way of her eyes, which were a dark green shade. She pushed her hair out of her face with one hand and held a brown box in the other, and she was bouncing up and down as she usually does when she’s about to talk about something exciting.
“You’ll never believe what I found.” Eliza’s voice could barely hold her impatience as she stepped inside and kicked her shoes off once she crossed over my threshold.
“What’s up with you today?” Anthony questioned, looking more confused than concerned now.
“I’ll show you guys in a minute. Can we go up to your room, Felix?” Eliza looked over at me with her trademark smile, knowing damn well we were all too curious to just leave that box unopened. Without a word, I led the group up to my room and shut the door after everyone had walked in. Anthony took his usual spot on my beanbag and unzipped his hoodie, which had the MSM logo sprawled across the front in big red letters. He adjusted his dark rimmed glasses and took on his usual stoic expression. Lola wore a dark blue FIT shirt, which she revealed more of when she moved her locs over her shoulder as she sat on my desk chair and wheeled over to us. As she did, the various necklaces she wore clinked against each other. Eliza herself was the smartest out of the group, and probably in the whole school as well. She had gotten accepted into multiple prestigious schools, but ultimately settled for Harvard to pursue a degree in some obscure philanthropic career. Unlike Anthony and Lola, Eliza wore her regular outfit –usually a white tank top and jeans– and sat on my bed with the box in her lap. I took a seat next to her to get a closer look.
“So what’d you find?” The others moved closer.
“Something we probably haven’t thought about for a really long time. Do you guys remember that one game we used to play in middle school? The one we made after Felix joined our class?” Eliza looked at our puzzled faces to see if we had connected the dots, but her clue didn’t seem to strike any of us with familiarity.
“After Felix joined? Didn’t we just hang out or something that weekend?” Anthony questioned.
“We did, but there was something else,” Eliza raised an eyebrow, “you guys seriously don’t remember?”
At that moment, I saw Lola’s eyes light up and a thin smile grew on her lips, something she always did whenever she was able to figure something out.
“You mean that little map game we played? Where we would go out to the woods and explore?”
Both Anthony and I seemed to have remembered as well with the mention of a ‘map game.’ I chimed in, “ yeah I remember! Every once in a while when we were all bored, we’d pick a random spot on a map to go to and explore there for a bit, right? When did we stop doing that anyways? I remember really enjoying it.”
“Well life happens,” Eliza responded to me, “but I was thinking of things to do for the rest of the summer when I suddenly remembered that game! That’s why I was so late for our meetup today, I was looking through my attic for this.” Eliza shook the box slightly and a couple things clattered around inside.
“There’s no way.” Anthony sounded like he was in disbelief.
“You mean…?” Lola sat forward in the chair. Eliza smirked, her adventurous nature creeping out as realization swept over us like a wave.
“Mhm! I found the map we used to use as well as the things we collected from our little escapades.” With that, Eliza opened the box, revealing a folded piece of paper and various trinkets scattered over the bottom of the capsule. Lola squealed with excitement and immediately snatched the box from Eliza, who simply chuckled and leaned back on the bed.
“No way! Everything’s still in here!” Lola digged through the box and placed whatever objects she found across the blanket. Anthony got up and sat at the foot of my bed, to observe our findings more closely. There was a piece of some clay pottery, some rusty springs and scraps of metal, an old digital camera, and some other random stuff I can’t recall to memory right now. Anthony picked up a spring and turned it in his palm.
“Shit man, this is from that abandoned junkyard we found in 8th grade…that feels like such a long time ago now.”
I examined the piece of pottery with Eliza looking over my shoulder. Lola picked up the digital camera.
“Do you remember where this came from?” I turned to Eliza and held up my discovery.
“No clue,” she shrugged. It must have been a while ago if even she didn’t remember. I turned the piece over and grew curious when I saw weird symbols inscribed on the inside of it. I squinted a bit, trying to discern some sort of pattern within the scribbles.
I turned to Eliza again, “hey, what do you think-”
“OH MY GOD GUYS IT STILL WORKS!” Lola’s voice went up a whole octave as she motioned to us.
The rest of us looked up as she turned the camera to face us. There were various photos we went through. All of us at lakes, museums, exploring the woods; everything we did from 7th grade until my freshman year seemed to be documented. The last photo was arguable the best and msot bittersweet. It was a picture of the whole group from a while ago. We were sitting at Eliza’s dinner table with a giant chocolate cake on the middle of it adorned with two candles shaped like the numbers one and five. Eliza was talking to me in the photo. Her hair was even more red at the time and she wore it in a braid. I looked about the same in the photo as I did then, with light brown hair, blue eyes, and freckles scattered all over my body and face. I was smiling sheepishly at Eliza. I now knew why Anthony said it was obvious I had a crush on her in 8th grade. Lola went through the most changes out of all of us. At the time in the photo, she had her hair straightened and side-swept, with a bright pink streak in her bangs. She wore clunky jewlery and a frilly skirt underneath a long tank top, leaning over the table to cut another slice of cake. All of us had birthday hats on except for Anthony, who kept his sitting on the table. He held up a peace sign staring straight into the camera with a stoic expression. He looked like a statue compared to the rest of us, who were laughing and smiling. You could tell he was having fun, though.
“Well don’t you look like a ray of sunshine,” Lola snickered as Anthony shot her a dirty look.
“At least I didn’t go through some weird scene phase in freshman year,” He smiled and watched Lola’s face, knowing she was blushing despite her dark skin which made it practically invisible. I let a laugh slip out, but quickly stifled it knowing that if I kept going it would mean death. Lola side-eyed me and continued, “I was using my creative liberty to experiment with my options as an artist,” she said with an overly-posh accent that made Eliza laugh.
“Yeah Anthony, don’t be such a downer,” Eliza teased. Anthony simply rolled his eyes and suppressed a smile to pretend like he was mad at all of us. He looked into the box and picked up the paper we left, unfolding it with a hint of excitement and curiosity. When he looked at it, only two words came out of his mouth.
“Holy shit.”
“What, what is it?” Lola tried to look at the other side of the paper, but Anthony quickly held it out of her view.
“What if I didn’t want to show you?” A smile crept onto his face. This was one of those rare moments where he’d be in the moos to joke around with us.
“Don’t be a dick bro,” I said, laughing as I went to grab for the paper. Anthony just held it up in the air and pushed me off of him and I landed on my floor. While he was distracted, though, Eliza took her chance and snatched the paper right out of his hand.
“You boys need to learn to be nice,” she warned in her jokingly stern voice as she unfolded the paper and spread it out onto my bed. We all leaned over to look.
It was a map of a couple towns including ours. There were around ten small star stickers placed on different areas on the map near the streets the four of us lived in. On the top of the map, a couple words were scrawled in black sharpie; “Pick a Place!” I could see everyone’s faces light up.
“Oh my god it’s our map!” Lola shouted and pointed to one of the stars near her street, “this was where we found that old junkyard right?”
Eliza smiled, “I remember that. It feels like such a long time ago now.” She pointed to another star, “and this is where we found that lake we made a hideout of. I still remember swimming in there in 8th grade…”
The four of us reminisced for a while, talking about where we had gone and what we did there, and how impressive it was that we didn’t get tetanus from that junkyard. After nearly an hour of conversation, Eliza asked something that made all of us stop.
“So how about it guys? Do you want to do one last round before the summer ends?”
The rest of us looked around at each other. It was clear we all wanted to do it. Eliza seemed to catch on and she nodded.
“Who wants to pick where we go?”
“How about you do the honors?” Lola suggested, motioning towards the map. “You’re the one that brought this stuff in anyways.”
Eliza raised her eyebrow but didn’t object. Without a word, she examined the map for a few minutes, then placed her finger on one spot a bit far from my house.
“How about here?”
“You think we can make it that far?” Anthony asked.
“Well, we can drive now so why not?”
“You sure there’s some type of trail we can drive on? That spot looks pretty deep in the woods”
“We can find a path to drive on for a bit then walk the rest of the way. C’mon guys, this is probably our last chance to do something like this! Felix, you can drive right?”
Eliza and the rest turned to me with a hopeful expression. I had to comply.
“Sure. No big deal, right?”
All three of them cheered and high fived each other, looking pretty excited to go on one last adventure.
“So when do we leave?” I questioned.
Eliza flashed that smile again, “right now.”
“Right now?!”
“Hell yeah,” Lola chimed in. “It shouldn’t take that long, right?”
“I guess…” Even then I felt uneasy about the whole thing. I didn’t feel prepared enough to go on some random trip into the woods. I needed to pack food, water, flashlights, I had no idea how long this was going to take. Little did I know that those things would be the least of my worries a couple hours from then. I wish I could go back and convince my 17-year-old self that it wasn’t worth it, that I should just convince my friends to stay and talk for the rest of the day. I wish Eliza had never remembered that stupid game. In a way, I’m almost mad at her for what happened, but I know it wasn’t anyones fault. We just wanted to have fun. I wish we could’ve just had fun. But God had a different plan for us. One that made me think Satan himself devised it instead. On July 16, 2013, Anthony He, Lola Smith, Eliza Landserson, and Felix Johanson went on an adventure that none of them were ready for.
Author's Note:
If you just read all of that then thank you so so so much for doing so! I'm a rookie writer, so feel free to comment any constructive criticism you might have if you have actual writing experience! This is the first silly little story I'm posting here, so I hope you enjoyed :)

Hi V01CE here or Ice whichever is easiest! So today we learned about "our bodies" well I didn't but my older sibling is going to.

Hehe... boobies! Heheehee - - She gets so uncomfortable! \poke** \poke back** Boooooooobies!

DAD: Hey, hey, hey there young man those aren't your boobies, you had your territory marked over here with your mom.
SISTER: Stooooooooooop.....Ugh (rolls eyes) So embarrassing!
MOM: Pay attention the road...DEER- - DEER!!!
DAD: Huh!
MOM: NO!!!!!! THERES A DEER IN THE ROAD STO-----------OP!
DAD: FUUUUUUUUU--- (CRASH, BANG, CRUSHING TIN CAN SOUND, BATHUNK)

So yea... nice to meet ghowl, I am that voice in your head, you know the one that makes you think you are crazy, gives you chills up your spin, or when you think someone is watching.
THE GREAT DOGMA or whatever, "GOD" let me through to where I am, and I am still figuring this floating thing out, but the deal was to always tell the truth. Pretty much, he wanted to know about all these things I knew. So GOD is taking me on a trip so I can help and he can do what he does.... I think I am still a bit out of it!

“The room feels cold as ice creeps into my veins. Nothing seems to make sense as my vision blurs and swirls into a cacophony of blues and golds. ‘Oli? Oli are you alright?!’ I think I hear someone call out to me as my body goes limp and plops onto the scratchy carpet flooring. I can’t seem to recognize who it is that’s speaking though. I go to a world that’s devoid of darkness and lacks nothing but fear. It’s a strange sense of belonging I really strive for after feeling left alone for so long.”
“What is this feeling of loneliness?” Dr. Andrews asks after sitting through my two pages of drivel. “Well when you asked me to put myself into a story I figured it wouldn’t do me any good to leave things out.” “I appreciate that, it helps me understand what’s on your mind more clearly. I think it’s important to dissect this as we go and possibly focus on individual concerns as we progress.” He was looking over his large clear framed glasses as he picked my brain. It feels like that too. “I think the break up still has a lot to do with it. I haven’t felt quite like me since. I sometimes go through half the day when I finally realize I haven’t spoken a single word. When I do go to say something the voice I hear isn’t mine. I mean, it’s me but it doesn’t sound right to my ears. Like repeating the word porridge or square over and over. Eventually they don’t even feel like real words. That’s how my whole world has felt lately.”
“The end of a relationship can be a very draining experience. It’s perfectly okay to allow yourself to feel through it as you need to.” I let out a slight scoff. “It ‘feels’ like I need to let myself stop feeling for a while.” Doc looks down at his notes and scribbles something else down in there, I’d love to see all of those, find out how twisted and fucked he really thinks I am. “How about the notion of a world full of everything but fear?” “Well I used to think there’s only two real emotions. Love and fear. They both push people to the farthest of ledges and sometimes even can make them jump off. I say used to because I get now that those are just the extremes. There’s a spectrum in between those two things still. That terrifies me. I think a world where we get rid of one would be a lot simpler.”
That damn pencil scribbles something on the page again. I’m not sure if I should hate that or the man holding it. He looks up and calmly begins the conversation again, “I think it’d be much more meaningless as well. With nothing to fear maybe there’d be nothing to love? With no sadness nothing to be joyful towards.” “Yeah, and maybe I’d finally be able to just exist.” “I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit. You exist here, proof of that being the fear you feel. If you have that then that means the other side of the scale is waiting for you too.” It makes me angry that what he’s saying makes so much damn sense. Even angrier that he’s using my logic against me to solidify that.
“So what do I do?” I really do want to know the answer to this, but don’t really expect a clear one. “Give yourself up.” He states clearly and smoothly. “I wasn’t expecting a guide book but what is that supposed to mean?” “If you don’t feel like you, maybe you should give that up and find who you are. Are you chasing something that isn’t yours to chase? There are other options.” This feels like a solid departure from the usual, he’s never been so concise with his advice. It had always felt open ended before. “Did you have something in mind? It kinda seems like you do.” He pushes his glasses up on his face as he lets out a hefty chuckle, “Who’s supposed to be reading people here? Me or you?” I’m not feeling right here, this is nothing like the manner he’d carried for our 3 months of sessions before. “I do actually have a slight suggestion. It’s not what I recommend often but I think you’d be a perfect candidate for it.”
He stands up and moves over to the cabinet that sits below the painting of a ship on a rolling ocean and the monstrous creature trying to swallow it into the depths. He pulls some keys out of his pocket and jiggles them into place. Once inside he muddles through some prescription bottles and tonics. Reaching into the far back to grab a single vial colored pale blue. He brings it with him back to his seat and crosses his legs, “This may help.” He twists open the vial and removes a single tablet. Reaching over he drops it into my hand. It’s slightly warm to the touch, it doesn’t really look like a tablet holding it up close. Almost like a small stone or scale. It’s jagged and more of a misshapen oval. Shimmering gold with the sunlight streaming in from the window behind me.
“Yeah, okay. What is this?” I ask with obvious amounts of skepticism. “It’s an experimental treatment I’ve been shown recently. I actually took it myself. One time and you’ll see the world you want to see.” “Right.. So what is this like a fancy new mushroom?” “Something like that.” He says with no clear expression on. “I mean, alright, can’t make things any worse right?” I pop the pearl-like piece into my mouth and swallow it dry. Almost immediately it makes me feel warm from the inside out. Swarmed with a sense of euphoria and bliss I haven’t felt for a long time. The colors in the room seem to shift. Everything gets brighter and starts swimming in front of my eyes. The portrait of the sea began to actually tread along and the tentacled beast succeeds in pulling in its prey. The walls smile at me like old friends and greet me in tongues I shouldn’t be able to understand. Sunlight warms me from behind while love warms me from inside. It’s here I finally ask myself, love for what? “What did you just give me?” I sort of slur out, I don’t sound right to myself. “Something to open your mind and your heart to the world beyond and a glimpse of what it offers. Only the glimpse is all you’ll be able to see.”
When he says this the sun behind me goes cold, sending a shiver through my body. I hear the window shatter and what seems to be the writhing of something coming inside. My muscles won’t respond as I’m trying to scream at them to turn around. All I can see is Doc standing before falling to his knees and bowing his head. The room feels cold as ice creeps into my veins. Nothing seems to make sense as my vision blurs and swirls into a cacophony of blues and golds. ‘Oli? Oli are you alright?!’ I think I hear someone call out to me as my body goes limp and plops onto the scratchy carpet flooring. Why can’t I remember that voice?

I am 32 weeks pregnant and I have been having a hard time getting family (both mine but more so the in laws) to respect the boundaries I am trying to put in place around labor and delivery and after baby boy arrives.
I am thinking I would like for us to just let my in laws know that baby is safe and ready for visitors when that time comes rather than letting them know we are in labor. My mother in law told my husband today that she did not care how I felt about it or what I said, they would be in the waiting room expecting updates if she can’t be in the delivery room. She also had a lot to say when she found out I was planning on getting an epidural.
I have been a part of the family for over 15 years and my husband and I have been married for 10. We have always had a complicated relationship as she is extremely passive aggressive and will only tell her complaints about me to everyone else (a big issue that has been and is being worked on with my husband) and then I find out much later and there is no tactful way to bring the issue back up.
During my pregnancy she has done/said several things that have made me uncomfortable and just pushed me further in the direction of wanting to extremely limit my contact with her and by extension, our future son’s as well. She has made comments about my body changing (boobs getting bigger) to her other son in front of me, her thoughts on how my breastfeeding should go (must wear a cover as to not upset anyone), asking what baby’s name will be and after getting an answer suggesting alternatives of family member’s names (multiple times), saying I shouldn’t get an epidural, having a fit when she found out we weren’t planning on having a changing table (seriously?!), many other small off-hand comments, and now saying that she doesn’t care how I feel about it- she’ll be in the waiting room…
I’m trying to be kind and tactful but I’m pretty much to the end of my patience with this woman and I’m going to explode.
How do I deal with putting boundaries in place with both her and my family regarding baby? I am hoping for a good outcome for everyone but my stress levels are through the roof and I have a lot of resentment that I’m already feeling this way and being put in these positions before little man even arrives.
Thank you!

I am 32 weeks pregnant and I have been having a hard time getting family (both mine but more so the in laws) to respect the boundaries I am trying to put in place around labor and delivery and after baby boy arrives.
I am thinking I would like for us to just let my in laws know that baby is safe and ready for visitors when that time comes rather than letting them know we are in labor. My mother in law told my husband today that she did not care how I felt about it or what I said, they would be in the waiting room expecting updates if she can’t be in the delivery room. She also had a lot to say when she found out I was planning on getting an epidural.
I have been a part of the family for over 15 years and my husband and I have been married for 10. We have always had a complicated relationship as she is extremely passive aggressive and will only tell her complaints about me to everyone else (a big issue that has been and is being worked on with my husband) and then I find out much later and there is no tactful way to bring the issue back up.
During my pregnancy she has done/said several things that have made me uncomfortable and just pushed me further in the direction of wanting to extremely limit my contact with her and by extension, our future son’s as well. She has made comments about my body changing (boobs getting bigger) to her other son in front of me, her thoughts on how my breastfeeding should go (must wear a cover as to not upset anyone), asking what baby’s name will be and after getting an answer suggesting alternatives of family member’s names (multiple times), saying I shouldn’t get an epidural, having a fit when she found out we weren’t planning on having a changing table (seriously?!), many other small off-hand comments, and now saying that she doesn’t care how I feel about it- she’ll be in the waiting room…
I’m trying to be kind and tactful but I’m pretty much to the end of my patience with this woman and I’m going to explode.
How do I deal with putting boundaries in place with both her and my family regarding baby? I am hoping for a good outcome for everyone but my stress levels are through the roof and I have a lot of resentment that I’m already feeling this way and being put in these positions before little man even arrives.
Thank you!

I am 32 weeks pregnant and I have been having a hard time getting family (both mine but more so the in laws) to respect the boundaries I am trying to put in place around labor and delivery and after baby boy arrives.
I am thinking I would like for us to just let my in laws know that baby is safe and ready for visitors when that time comes rather than letting them know we are in labor. My mother in law told my husband today that she did not care how I felt about it or what I said, they would be in the waiting room expecting updates if she can’t be in the delivery room. She also had a lot to say when she found out I was planning on getting an epidural.
I have been a part of the family for over 15 years and my husband and I have been married for 10. We have always had a complicated relationship as she is extremely passive aggressive and will only tell her complaints about me to everyone else (a big issue that has been and is being worked on with my husband) and then I find out much later and there is no tactful way to bring the issue back up.
During my pregnancy she has done/said several things that have made me uncomfortable and just pushed me further in the direction of wanting to extremely limit my contact with her and by extension, our future son’s as well. She has made comments about my body changing (boobs getting bigger) to her other son in front of me, her thoughts on how my breastfeeding should go (must wear a cover as to not upset anyone), asking what baby’s name will be and after getting an answer suggesting alternatives of family member’s names (multiple times), saying I shouldn’t get an epidural, having a fit when she found out we weren’t planning on having a changing table (seriously?!), many other small off-hand comments, and now saying that she doesn’t care how I feel about it- she’ll be in the waiting room…
I’m trying to be kind and tactful but I’m pretty much to the end of my patience with this woman and I’m going to explode.
How do I deal with putting boundaries in place with both her and my family regarding baby? I am hoping for a good outcome for everyone but my stress levels are through the roof and I have a lot of resentment that I’m already feeling this way and being put in these positions before little man even arrives.
Thank you!

I am 32 weeks pregnant and I have been having a hard time getting family (both mine but more so the in laws) to respect the boundaries I am trying to put in place around labor and delivery and after baby boy arrives.
I am thinking I would like for us to just let my in laws know that baby is safe and ready for visitors when that time comes rather than letting them know we are in labor. My mother in law told my husband today that she did not care how I felt about it or what I said, they would be in the waiting room expecting updates if she can’t be in the delivery room. She also had a lot to say when she found out I was planning on getting an epidural.
I have been a part of the family for over 15 years and my husband and I have been married for 10. We have always had a complicated relationship as she is extremely passive aggressive and will only tell her complaints about me to everyone else (a big issue that has been and is being worked on with my husband) and then I find out much later and there is no tactful way to bring the issue back up.
During my pregnancy she has done/said several things that have made me uncomfortable and just pushed me further in the direction of wanting to extremely limit my contact with her and by extension, our future son’s as well. She has made comments about my body changing (boobs getting bigger) to her other son in front of me, her thoughts on how my breastfeeding should go (must wear a cover as to not upset anyone), asking what baby’s name will be and after getting an answer suggesting alternatives of family member’s names (multiple times), saying I shouldn’t get an epidural, having a fit when she found out we weren’t planning on having a changing table (seriously?!), many other small off-hand comments, and now saying that she doesn’t care how I feel about it- she’ll be in the waiting room…
I’m trying to be kind and tactful but I’m pretty much to the end of my patience with this woman and I’m going to explode.
How do I deal with putting boundaries in place with both her and my family regarding baby? I am hoping for a good outcome for everyone but my stress levels are through the roof and I have a lot of resentment that I’m already feeling this way and being put in these positions before little man even arrives.
Thank you!

I generally never cared about my body at all before starting T, solely because it didn't feel like mine at all.
I've been on T for a few months now and i'm definitely happy. I'm just starting to get more dysmorphic over stretch marks (related to weight) specifically thinking about how it's scar tissue, it won't grow hair and i'll look insanely weird. I've had issues w stretch marks for as long as I can remember and they are everywhere around my chest and stomach. Every man in my family grows body hair like a damn bear, I want to be similar to that as well and not look hairless in areas??
I don't really see anyone who shares similar body type at all so I cannot really feel reassured that it will be alright in the end.
I was curious if anyone has had similar experiences or advice on how to decrease the size of the stretch marks & the color of them?

I am 32 weeks pregnant and I have been having a hard time getting family (both mine but more so the in laws) to respect the boundaries I am trying to put in place around labor and delivery and after baby boy arrives.
I am thinking I would like for us to just let my in laws know that baby is safe and ready for visitors when that time comes rather than letting them know we are in labor. My mother in law told my husband today that she did not care how I felt about it or what I said, they would be in the waiting room expecting updates if she can’t be in the delivery room. She also had a lot to say when she found out I was planning on getting an epidural.
I have been a part of the family for over 15 years and my husband and I have been married for 10. We have always had a complicated relationship as she is extremely passive aggressive and will only tell her complaints about me to everyone else (a big issue that has been and is being worked on with my husband) and then I find out much later and there is no tactful way to bring the issue back up.
During my pregnancy she has done/said several things that have made me uncomfortable and just pushed me further in the direction of wanting to extremely limit my contact with her and by extension, our future son’s as well. She has made comments about my body changing (boobs getting bigger) to her other son in front of me, her thoughts on how my breastfeeding should go (must wear a cover as to not upset anyone), asking what baby’s name will be and after getting an answer suggesting alternatives of family member’s names (multiple times), saying I shouldn’t get an epidural, having a fit when she found out we weren’t planning on having a changing table (seriously?!), many other small off-hand comments, and now saying that she doesn’t care how I feel about it- she’ll be in the waiting room…
I’m trying to be kind and tactful but I’m pretty much to the end of my patience with this woman and I’m going to explode.
How do I deal with putting boundaries in place with both her and my family regarding baby? I am hoping for a good outcome for everyone but my stress levels are through the roof and I have a lot of resentment that I’m already feeling this way and being put in these positions before little man even arrives.
Thank you!

In the the episode The Quest p2 Merlin is unfrozen and uses the last of his strength to download his knowledge into the ancient computer. Soon after the cave transport elsewhere leaving Merlin's body behind. Why didn't Adria just wake him back up and question him. Surely she would have been able get at least a interesting conversation out of him. But instead she just dismisses the old man and continues searching for the next address.

In hindsight, I should have known something was wrong with The Caeles Academy of Acting.
Maybe the fact that it doesn't exist to the outside world.
This place prided itself on famous alumni it didn't actually name, and a once in a lifetime opportunity to work with the best in the business.
It's what I wanted.
More than anything.
After enduring four years of high school with barely a semblance of a drama club (we met every month, and our teacher was an alcoholic), and countless failed auditions, I was ready to take my acting career seriously. I had one year.
According to my parents, I had one year to make a living from my passion.
If it didn't work out, I would be on the first plane back to Connecticut.
It's not like they didn't trust me. I think they were just scared I wouldn't be able to financially support myself. So, I got a job right out of high school and slipped a year. Drama schools are expensive, and college’s are cut-throat on who they take on. I found Caeles Academy by accident–or, I guess it found me?
After researching cheap drama classes, auditions, academy’s, literally anything to progress my career, an ad popped up.
Not exactly flashy.
Just a date, a time, and a promise that they only take the best. I ignored it, but throughout the week, I started getting more ads. Just the words, “IMPRESS US - - JOIN CAELES ACADEMY NOW.”
Followed by, “BE WITH THE BEST, AND BE THE BEST. JOIN THE S CLASS NOW.”
When I googled the academy, nothing came up.
I gave up, clicking on the ad, which sent me straight to an application form.
I filled in my details as more of a joke. But I wasn't expecting to get an email back. Again, it was a time, a date, and that exact same tagline: “Impress us.”
However, Caeles Academy was different from what I imagined.
I was expecting a university building, or at least some modern structure.
Judging from their marketing and ads, I figured they could at least afford decent premises. Though I was mistaken. When I stepped out of the Uber, I found myself staring at what looked like an abandoned office tower, a red-brick monolith in the middle of nowhere.
Which was crazy, because I swore a girl wearing a bikini had strode through the doors, with nothing but her phone, and a coffee tucked under her elbow.
According to the text sent from the academy, the auditioning rooms were on the third floor.
Tipping my head back, the checkerboard of broken windows didn't exactly instil confidence.
Neither did the clunky set of automatic doors that took a while to open.
It was a summer's day, and the heat was already baking through my dress, sweat sticky on the back of my neck.
I wanted to make a good impression, but the heels were a little over the top.
Though I had also seen a girl casually walk in wearing a two piece bikini.
“Well?”
Freddie’s voice made me jump. I forgot I was on the phone to him. I was excited the whole car-ride, already high on five coffees, and now I was silent.
If I perceived the ‘academy’ from an objective standpoint, it definitely looked like the perfect place to be brutally murdered. But my own personal opinion was it was.. okay.
“What's it like?”
I pretended not to see a rat scuttling under an old candy wrapper.
“It's… fine.”
“Just fine?”
I could hear the smirk in my friend’s tone. He couldn't wait to tell me it was a scam, and had been reminding me all week I was essentially willingly selling myself to the black market. I was stubborn, so, fine sounded better than my initial first impression.
Which was to turn around, walk away, and completely block the place from my memory.
Unfortunately, at that moment, I valued my pride over my awareness.
“It's… okay.” I said, trying to find positives. I was staring at a looming grey building with shattered windows and a resident rat living near the door. I had a hard time figuring out how the girl from earlier had just casually strode inside, barefoot too. I glanced down at the ground, immediately regretting it.
Like there weren't bits of chewing gum and grime stuck to the concrete.
“Huh.” Freddie said, his tone creeping into teasing territory. “You're really selling it.”
“It just looks like a building,” I muttered, my gaze glued to the rat, who looked a little too comfortable.
Maybe it was a pet.
I was getting progressively more infuriated the more I stared down this place. Judging from the decades old writing ingrained into the door, it used to be a dentist surgery. “What do you want me to say?” I wasn't even trying to hide the scorn from my voice. “It's a building that looks like an academy.”
“Can you send a picture?” Freddie asked, “Ooh, wait, I'll face-time you.”
“That's, uh, that’s not really necessary–”
I was cut off, suddenly, when a guy threw himself through the automatic doors, palms first. He took two stumbled steps forwards, one back, and lifted his head, half lidded eyes finding the sky, before dropping to his knees and heaving up pinkish liquid.
I could see him trying to hold it in, slamming his hands over his mouth, only for it to splurge through his fingers, showering the ground in greyish pink froth.
Like he'd downed a bottle of Pepto Bismol.
Inching towards him, I realized it was Pepto Bismol.
The stink made my own stomach churn.
“Missy?”
I found my voice. “Uh, can I call you back later?”
Before my friend could answer, I ended the call, slipping my phone in my pocket.
The guy was still heaving, coughing up globules of pink.
“Are you okay?”
The sound of my heels click-clacking on concrete made me cringe. The guy noticed, flinching away. Closer, and I could see his scraggly blonde hair.
He was handsome.
Without the bile spewing down his chin.
Early twenties, wearing a fitted white shirt now covered in streaks of bright pink. Part of me wanted to make a half-hearted joke, but getting even closer, so close I could smell his pepto-breath, I noticed he was trembling, his hands clenched into fists.
When I attempted to awkwardly pat him on the shoulder, he twisted around, so fast my morning coffee slithered its way back up my throat.
His eyes were wide, almost feral, studying me like a wild animal.
I noticed the whites of his pupils were red, like he'd burst a blood vessel.
Theatre kids were intense, though I had never met THIS kind of intense.
“Are you… going in there?” The guy’s voice was a child-like whimper I wasn't expecting.
It looked like he was slowly regaining clarity, staring down at his filthy shirt, his hands stained bright pink.
I nodded, uncertainly, offering him my water. “Yeah. Did you audition?”
He shoved it away, slapping himself in the face. “I… I don't know.”
“You… don’t know?”
Suddenly, it was like something had contorted in his expression, a switch being pulled. I wasn't expecting him to twist around so fast. The guy slowly cocked his head, his lips breaking into a grin. His eyes, however, stayed the same.
“Of course I've auditioned.” He said, with a laugh.
“It was the best experience of my life!" His mouth formed an almost mocking frown.
“Unfortunately, I didn't make the cut. Which is a real shame. I'm sure Caeles would have benefited from my talents.”
What was weird, is that his mouth was moving, but he wasn't even looking at me, frenzied eyes caught in an oblivion I couldn't see.
When he did look at me, his expression crumpled all over again.
Pepto jumped to his feet, brushing himself down.
I couldn't take his over the top smile seriously, when his eyes were screaming, hollowed out caverns silently begging me to listen.
This guy was fucking crazy.
“Wait.” Pepto whispered, when I turned to walk away.
He pulled out his phone, tapping the screen before shoving it in my face.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN AT THE CAELES ACADEMY AUDITIONS :)
When I could only stare at him in confusion, Pepto’s gaze flicked to his phone, swiping bile from his lips.
His eyes went cartoon wide, like he couldn't believe what he himself was typing.
“That… that's not what I was trying to say!” He tried retyping it, but the guy was just writing strings of emoji hearts.
I didn't know what to say. I had dealt with rejection before, but I had never gone this far. Pepto was having a full on mental breakdown, his body shuddering, teeth chattering, blinking eyes and lips parting as if to speak, but choking on his words. When he started clawing out his hair, I took the opportunity to make a quick getaway.
Before I could make it to the doors, though, Pepto jumped in front of me, waving his phone directly in my face.
“Just…” he pointed at the screen. “It won't let me…” Growing frustrated with himself, he let out a wet sounding sob, clawing his fingers through his hair.
“Fuck, it won't let me…it won't let me type! It's not letting me type!”
By now, he had tufts of hair stuck between his fingernails. I don't know why his first reaction was to immediately try ripping his hair out.
A quick glance at my own phone reminded me of my own audition that was in five minutes.
Meanwhile, I was dealing with what I was pretty sure was delusion, denial, or a mixture of both.
I was considering pushing past him, when Pepto’s phone screen hit me in the face. Again.
This time, though, there was coherent writing.
“FIND LUKE.”
“Luke?” I said. “Who's that?”
“Luke!” The guy was bouncing on the heels of his feet. “He's my…” Pepto drifted off, his eyes going vacant, as if I could physically see his brain being plucked from his skull. Pepto dropped his phone, and I grabbed it before it could hit the ground. His hands went to his curls, clawing, scratching, until he was drawing blood across his forehead.
“I… I don't know! I can't… I can't remember. Luke. He was my… he was my… I don't know, I can't… I can't–”
I stumbled back when he let out a shriek, scratching at his face.
“Fuck!” He whimpered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!”
Pepto grabbed my shoulders, shaking me, his fingers digging into my skin.
“I don't know who he is.” He gritted out, pink froth pooling from his lips.
Pepto broke out into a sob. “I don't… I don't know who he is, but you can find him, right? You can… you can find…”
Again, he trailed off mid sentence, his hands going limp around my shoulders.
I managed to side step him, swallowing a cry.
“Yeah, I'll, um, I'll find him for you.”
Pepto backed away, suddenly, stumbling over himself.
His gaze found mine, vacant, like a baby deer.
“Find who?”
I didn't wait around to answer him, pushing through the doors and stepping inside.
The interior was unsurprisingly even worse than the exterior.
The elevator was broken, so I had to run up three flights of stairs.
I expected at least an attempt at an academy, even in the dregs of an old dentist surgery.
What I got, though, was a never ending staircase, obnoxious photos of teeth greeting me on every level.
The third floor was… less clinical.
I strode directly into a waiting room filled with college aged students, either sitting on plastic chairs, or standing around, rehearsing.
The room itself was cosy enough, a navy carpet and a TV playing a random Twitch stream.
Situated in the middle was a desk with a bored looking woman behind it.
Her smile was fake. I could understand her pain. She was stuck in a room with theatre kids all day.
“Sign here.” She prodded a sheet of paper.
I was convinced her voice was AI.
While I was scribbling my details, I took a moment to notice the stark difference from the kids entering the room, to the ones leaving. The kids entering wore wide, confident smiles and were social butterflies, chatting amongst themselves.
The kids leaving reminded me of pod people.
They left the room silent, in an orderly line with dazed smiles on their faces, like they weren't sure where they were.
I watched one guy walk directly into the wall instead of taking a left toward the exit, and a girl straight up just toppled down the stairs.
The kids waiting with me named them rejects.
I wasn't convinced until I glimpsed an empty bottle of Pepto Bismol sitting on the floor by the window.
Thinking back to Pepto, that made a lot of sense.
I was still dazedly staring at the bottle, when my name was called.
Jumping to my feet, I did my best to calm myself down, straightening my ponytail. Pepto had really screwed with my head. I could barely even remember the lines I had been rehearsing for a week straight.
I was muttering my lines to myself, when I stepped through the door.
The door that apparently turned you into a pod-person on the way out.
For a moment, I thought I was blinded by stage lights.
It was so bright.
The glow bathing me was clinical, stabbing into my eyes.
When I blinked, I found myself standing in front of three shadows sitting in front of me.
Their chairs were made of leather, far different from the plastic ones in the waiting room.
So, they did have filthy cash.
I was looking at one man, and two women.
They were… average?
I expected them to be more glitzier, but they were just regular people.
The man was in his late twenties, maybe early thirties, a stiff looking brunette wearing a suit and tie, one leg crossed over the other. His eyes were narrowed slightly, lips curved into the start of a smile. Like I amused him.
The women were polar opposites.
One of them was my Mom’s age, grey hair and floral clothing. She took a sip of water, her gaze burning into me.
Google told me not to be intimidated by their stares, but it was impossible.
These people were carving holes into my skull.
Sitting next to her, a younger girl who seemed to own the color red.
Her hair simmered, blood red, while she herself was sculpted in a dress, perfect cherry lips spread in a wide smile.
With a little too many teeth.
They studied my face like I was already theirs, drinking in every inch of me.
Freddie said I had to find a weakness in their expression and use it to my advantage.
If I could find the prick of a genuine smile, I could become their favorite.
“Hi!” I said. My caffeine intake was starting to take effect.
I didn't realize I was bouncing up and down until I caught myself.
Red’s smile stretched wider.
Maybe they liked my eagerness.
“My name is Misa.” I introduced myself, staying casual, keeping my arms by my sides. “I'm twenty one years old–”
I choked on my next words when Red spoke up. “Impress us, Misa,” Her voice was a smooth, almost seductive rasp, and I felt myself fall into it, enveloped in sugar that was too sweet, and yet I couldn't stop myself. She folded her arms across her chest, her gaze challenging me to do something different. To make her want me.
“Show us something we have never seen before.” She stood up, cat-like eyes narrowing, “Show us how desperate you are to join this prestigious class.”
I nodded, and began.
I had planned a whole monologue, practised it over and over again, forcing Freddie to judge me with a none biassed opinion.
I was three lines in, when Red started laughing.
“Stop.”
I did, my cheeks heating up, and she started clapping.
“Sweetie, oh, stop, you're adorable!” She said, her lips curving into a cruel smirk.
She leaned forward, like I was something that entertained her, jostling her heeled foot. “We don't take amateurs. I think you need to go back to school.”
This woman was definitely a psychopath.
Empty eyes sparkling with a gleam that definitely enjoyed humiliating candidates, and a twisted smile that was a little too wide. Red made me want to crawl into the ground.
She made me want to turn around, leave the room, and quit my dream. I was aware of my own fury, my embarrassment turning my cheeks crimson. I matched her.
Maybe that's what she wanted all along. To wear the color of her victims.
Taking a shaky step back, I started to nod, started to agree, my mouth choking with the words, “You're right. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
I had never received proper constructive criticism from a professional standpoint.
Which meant I really did suck.
But I didn't move. I didn't want to move, and Red continued laughing, her companions sitting in silence.
The man rolled his eyes with a loud, exaggerated sigh.
Like I was boring.
The older woman pulled out her phone.
“Misa, you are…cute.” Red said. “But you're not quite what we are looking for.”
I wasn't sure I could admit it right there, but she made me feel things.
Like I was ignited.
Like I was going to prove this crazy bitch wrong.
I found my voice, strong and confident, despite my hammering heart.
“Give me another chance.”
Red’s lips curled. “So cute, Misa. Oh, sugar bear, It would be better if you left the room. Unless you want to embarrass yourself further! In that case, be my guest!”
She turned her attention to her nails, nudging the guy.
“Dinner?” She hummed. “I'm thinking of Italian. You are quite the wine connoisseur, Nicholas. Why don't you introduce me to your favorite?”
“Hey.” I blurted.
They ignored me, getting a little too close.
I don't know why I continued, reading my lines, screaming them, so I would be heard. I read them perfectly, and tweaking the genre from drama to romance, and then to horror. I became three different characters, a high school girl struggling with cancer, a final girl, and a woman going through a divorce.
I was fucking perfect.
But they weren't listening to me, caught up in their own conversation.
I tried again.
And again.
And again.
By now, I was on my knees, my fingers ripping into my hair. I was seeing red.
“We want originality, Misa,” Red said, sucking her teeth.
Her voice crawling into my skull was enough.
She still wanted me.
The thought polluted the back of my mind, taking a strangling hold. She still wanted me. When I lifted my head, Red wasn't looking at me, her gaze on the table grains. “Show us something new.”
I got to my feet, panting, my breath in my throat.
I became a screaming, strangled mess, a woman who lost her baby.
Red’s interest was piqued. Only slightly. Through my fraying vision, she slowly turned in her chair. “Again.” She clapped her hands, “Come on, Misa! We want new! We want never been fucking done before! Are you deaf?”
I couldn't stop the sobs escaping my mouth.
They lost interest again, right in the middle of my reading.
“Why can't you look at me?” I found myself spluttering.
When the man pulled out a bottle of water, I pulled off my heel and lobbed it at his face.
“Look at me!”
He did. Slowly. His gaze found me, for perhaps the first time.
Not as an amateur, but as a potential candidate.
Around the twentieth attempt, I started to laugh. Never been done before? I could feel my fingernails already in my scalp, clawing chunks of my hair out.
Reality contorted, and I felt myself drop to my knees. I was still laughing, spluttering, sobbing. I could still hear her in my head. Never Been Done Before. I started slowly, dragging my fingernails down my face until I felt the harsh sting.
“Again.” Red said, and her voice led me to stare down at my hands, at pinkish flesh glued to my bones, fleshy mounds.
So easy to tear. I didn't even feel it.
Only the sudden, unbridled euphoria of biting into my own skin, locking in my jaw, and ripping into myself.
When I tore it from the bone, warmth filled my mouth, and I was choking, guzzling down my own flesh, mulling it in my mouth and swallowing.
I can't remember how I got so deep, and why I didn't stop.
Why I didn't fucking scream.
But it didn't matter.
Red was standing up. She was clapping, her lips spread into a grin.
Her applause filled me with stars.
So, I ripped my hair from my scalp, a hysterical giggle escaping my lips.
She loved me.
I could see her jumping up and down, clapping.
Louder, and louder.
Her applause controlled me, twisting and contorting me into hers.
I didn't even think. I wanted to impress her, and doing this was doing just that.
My fingers were delving into my right eye socket, clawing my eye out. It didn't even hurt. Not with her thundering applause that was deafening, beautiful, an orchestra in my ears.
When I was semi conscious, my eye was crushed in my hand, but my vision was still mine, almost too clear. I could see streaks of red blurred between my lashes. My hair was caught between my fingers. But I wanted to do more.
When I stumbled to my feet, Red’s smile was so beautiful.
The man, however, looked horrified.
“Someone bring in the one of the successes,” Red’s voice was a shrill giggle, “Bring him in!” she clapped her hands together, and I spat out a fleshy thing. “I want to see them together! I want to see the future in front of us!”
Footsteps coming towards me in slow, shuddery thumps. I looked up, and a shadow was dancing around me.
When I slowly rose to my feet, I half realized I’d bitten my toe off. The shadow had a face, a boy who was younger than me. I think he used to have hair, but half of it was gone, half of it was still stuck between his fists. When I found his eyes, I found twin caverns instead.
Eyes that were still physically there, and yet there was no life.
No spark.
I was staring at a dead body, a flesh puppet who had lost his strings.
When he grabbed my hands, pulling me into a waltz, I caught a smear of scarlet trickling down the back of his neck. When I followed it upwards, his head was covered, slick, dripping with red.
Like me, he matched her too.
And he was beautiful, she told me, her push, her thunderous applause, guiding me into a waltz.
His feet moved, perfecting every step, and my foggy mind couldn't understand why. He matched my every move, the two of us floating across the floor.
My feet knew the steps before my mind.
How could he dance? I thought, dizzily.
How could he dance, when smeared scarlet followed his twisting, and turning and pirouetting feet?
Because underneath that swimming clinical light, the back of the boy’s head had been carved away, a perfectly sculpted cavern where his brain should have been. I could see the severed stem, where it had cleanly plucked out.
His fingers cradled in mine were wet. Swimming in blood.
His own blood.
Spinning round and around, I imagined myself as a princess.
I saw an 18th century ballroom lit up around us. Glittering smiles and glasses of champagne, long, flowing ball gowns.
I blinked, and my head was tipped back, gliding in blood once again.
When he pulled me to his chest, I stumbled, and a name came to light.
Luke.
I had found him.
Our finishing spin left me hard to breathe.
My body was broken, ripped into, and yet somehow not.
By the time we were finished, the two of us bowing, my mind was full of fog.
Cotton candy.
“Congratulations!” Red’s smile was inhuman, stretching right off of her face.
“You're in the S class!”
I was led through a door that wasn't the one I entered from. Inside the room were a dozen or so students, kneeling on the floor. They were missing parts of themselves, like unfinished puzzle pieces.
I dropped onto my knees next to a girl without a head. I could only see her torso, but I knew she was smiling.
Looming over us, was the goddess Athena drenched in blood that was still wet.
Dripping, pooling from every crevice of her dress.
Looking closer, this statue was moving.
Something sickly crept into my mouth.
Her right eye was human, a twitching eyeball sandwiched inside the stone.
It didn't match her. It was wrong, horrifying, like a painting, a real human eye struggling to focus on us.
And then, my own gaze found the statues head, where a real human brain had been forced inside perfect white, pink, greyish mush dripping down the sculpted, slender neck.
I could see where it had been pushed, pulverised through the stone.
The statue’s singular eye found me.
Its dancing pupil jumped up and down.
Before it blinked.
Next to me, Luke was on his knees, as if in prayer.
I can't remember leaving the room.
I just remember running.
Back down the stairs, stumbling, staggering over myself.
I was screaming by the time I reached the doors.
They opened, as usual.
But I couldn't get through. I tried, but I was slamming into something I couldn't see.
Pepto was still waiting outside. The sky was dark.
When he saw me, he stumbled over, slamming his hands into the glass.
I couldn't even understand myself. I was just fucking screaming.
Pepto held up his phone.
“DID YOU FIND HIM?”
I shook my head.
“No.” I lied.
I can't tell him the truth. I don't even know what it is.
“I can't get out!”
Pepto nodded slowly, typing something and showing me his phone.
I'm getting you both out of there. I think I know how I can get inside.
It's been 3 days, and Pepto is yet to return.
I’ve tried multiple times to cry out for the H word. But it won't let me type it.
Please H me. I need to get out of this place.
Fuck. Get me OUT OF HERE.
Classes start tomorrow.

Asalamualaikum,
First I’d like to say that Allah swt forgives all sins no matter what. He is the most merciful, forgiving and compassionate.
The reason why I’m saying the below is to give you guys another thought to think about before committing sins.
Let’s think about smoking. Some schools of thought say it’s haram and some say it’s makhruh and others find.
But let’s take a step back and think. When you smoke, the others who inhale it get the worse end of the stick as it’s just as bad for them even though they’re not smoking. Not only that if you get cancer or a weakened body or whoever knows what else but any disease or issues from this. This puts more strain on doctors who could be busy helping out others who have had conditions that came naturally if that makes sense. Look in the UK at the NHS, they’re swamped with people on drugs, addicts and all sorts. It’s unfair on them.
Let’s look at zina, when you commit zina with a man or woman. You’re effecting them mentally too. You’re practically getting intimate with them and letting them know it’s fine to sleep around which could affect their future marriage and people they meet and it’s a never ending cycle. On top of that STDs, getting them and that effecting others too.
Both of the above actually affect your family too. Commiting zina makes you naturally more aggy and lazy. Smoking makes you smell and can also change how you feel. Hence it can effect the way you act around others
There is many other ways I can talk about other private sins effecting others but I’m just putting this out here to help others try more to stop what they’re doing inshallah
Jazakhallah khair

One of the biggest questions posed in Sun Eater is what it means to be human. You have the dominant view among the Extrasollarians, that humans are only flesh. And you have the Cielcin, who say the material world is a lie, and we are all really spirit. Both of these lead to similar conclusions: our bodies are totally disposable.
Hadrian comes to the conclusion that we are more than just bodies (or “raw material” as CS Lewis would say), and our spirit and flesh are united. I think the aftermath of Hadrian’s second resurrection illustrates this well too.
I’ve been going through some annotations I made in Howling Dark and made some more connections to The Abolition of Man by CS Lewis and A Canticle for Leibowitz. I’ve found that The Abolition of Man is a pretty good guide to deciphering themes about Transhumanism in Sun Eater.

“You don’t have a soul, Doctor. You are a soul. You have a body, temporarily.” -A Canticle for Leibowitz, by Walter Miller
“But we are not bodies. We have bodies. And though who we are is rooted in that animal matter we rise higher, growing like a tree towards heaven. I can think of no greater evil than the insistence that we are only meat. How many lives have been demeaned—destroyed—by that insistence? How many millions? That city, what it offered, suggested that we were nothing more, and so the men who traded in flesh—offering surgery, therapy, and replacement—offered people a version of their best selves. As if identity were fluid. As if who we are is only granted to us by others and is by others taken away. As if no part of us is our own. I saw signs selling memories and offering dreams, selling experiences and emotions wholesale. Those buying such services imagined they improved themselves, when in truth it was theirselves they destroyed. Their souls.” -Howling Dark, Chapter 20
“if man chooses to treat himself as raw material, raw material he will be: not raw material to be manipulated, as he fondly imagined, by himself, but by mere appetite, that is, mere Nature, in the person of his de-humanized Conditioners… Either we are rational spirit obliged for ever to obey the absolute values of the Tao, or else we are mere nature to be kneaded and cut into new shapes for the pleasures of masters who must, by hypothesis, have no motive but their own ‘natural’ impulses. Only the Tao provides a common human law of action which can over-arch rulers and ruled alike. A dogmatic belief in objective value is necessary to the very idea of a rule which is not tyranny or an obedience which is not slavery.” -The Abolition of Man, by CS Lewis

Of course the connection of body and soul in Sun Eater is also influenced by Ruocchio’s faith.

“Man, though made of body and soul, is a unity. Through his very bodily condition he sums up in himself the elements of the material world. Through him they are thus brought to their highest perfection and can raise their voice in praise freely given to the Creator. For this reason man may not despise his bodily life. Rather he is obliged to regard his body as good and to hold it in honor since God has created it and will raise it up on the last day.” -Gaudium et spes, Pope Paul VI

(Attempt number 3! Give it up fooooorrr attempt number 3!)
His name is Ester, a member of the Ars Goetia! He's a crow with dark grey fur (So that features like his grey beak, facial scar, thorn pattern, and eye outline stand out), he stands at 6'7 and has a fairly average body type.
His arms, legs, and facial structure are similar to Stolas's (Refer to Imgur link below), although Ester has a vertical third eye on his forehead that has a grey thorn pattern around it. Ester's eye colours are also more of a sangria shade.
Ester's grey beak has a scar-like streak across it.
He has a mid-length tail with a small spread of rhombus like patterns of mauve colour, strictly near the end of the feathers on the tail.
As for clothing, I will provide an imgur link that shows the clothing he will wear. The only desired changes is that he will not wear the fingerless gloves displayed in the jacket image, and the jeans will end at the knees. Also no shoes. As for the undershirt, the image of the rat does not need to be drawn but we would like the text to still be added, and also for some of his midrif to be exposed (Since the shirt does not fit 100%) The link will also contain a facial reference for Stolas just for details like his eyes (Minus the second upper pair), his mouth and whatnot.
https://imgur.com/a/oFEGcuC
"Thanks, and have fun." - Gabe Newell

I was diagnosed with hsv-2 (downstairs region) last December. I’m on valacyclovir 500mg once a day, until September to help my body adjust to the hsv and to prevent outbreaks. Now all that is manageable and I’ve come to terms with it. However, I’ve met a man… and he really likes me, I really like him. We haven’t had s*x yet, due to me being terrified of giving it to him.
What do I do? I’m getting to the point where I’m thinking it’ll be better to just end things now, save myself the embarrassment of having to tell him I have it, and the lingering fear that I’ll spread it.
I haven’t been able to tell anyone of my friends or family about my diagnosis for the shame I feel over it so I dont have anyone to ask for advice or help in this predicament.
Any help is appreciated

Hello ! Currently feeling very bored, lonely and attention starved.. surely there has to be someone out there for me right.. right? 👀. Anyways I will say now that I would prefer you to be UK based so we can meet up, hangout and possibly play video games?! I'm a gamer after all 😅. I am NOT looking for nsa or casual. I am however looking for something longterm where we can both slowly fall for eachother. Please also be SINGLE.. (so many guys willing to cheat on here lmao).
Here's where I'll describe myself!
Alt, curvy, cute? ( You decide) nice accent, nerdy , gamer (Playstation) 👌. 5"4ft and I've been told I look like a total snack! 👀. Again you can decide for yourself! I love music, memes, movies , eating pizza and ice cream... I'm clingy, needy and I fall fast ! So hopefully you'll be there to catch me. I am also a night owl ! Yay... Still here? Good! I love voice calls and voice notes so please do too! Confidence is key with me, I find it very attractive.
Here's what I am seeking!
A man! Obviously.😅. Gamer too! Taller then me , clean, hygienic, I love men with dark hair and glasses. My preferred body type is lean/athletic (again that's my preference).You must be an effective communicator ! And love voice notes and calls too :). I also do require alot of attention so hopefully your schedule isn't super busy or you can at least make time for me. If you're near London then I would like to meet up ASAP! Although I don't drive lol. I do make a great passenger tho!
I'd respectfully ask that you include as much details as possible in your response and a photo too! Bonus points if you read my whole post and can tell me your favourite colour ! 🩷.