Letters to college about refund

just a quick rant lol but please lmk if it gets better or what I can do to make it better
I feel that I grew up way too fast because I grew up in a setting where my parents barely spoke English, so I was constantly translating for them. Even receiving difficult news, I was the one who had to break it to my parents.
Since I was very little, I always wanted my parents to think I'm doing fine and that I am always happy. So, I never opened up to them and I also felt so uncomfortable showing any emotions to them. Even when I was being severely bullied for the first two years of middle school, I never said a word. However, they eventually found out from my guidance counselor, and even then I pretended that it was nothing. Even my past relationships, I kept a secret. I feel like my parents don't even know who I am. I know it's partially my fault for not telling them, but at the same time (I don't mean to blame my parents but..) they did not create that environment for me to feel comfortable to do so. Therefore, they overlook my feelings a lot and even claimed that I am not sympathetic enough. For example there has been situations where people I know have passed but I am so uncomfortable to expressing my emotions to the point where it came off as disrespectful. But the thing is, I am an extremely sensitive person. I just hide it very well. I feel things deeply and little words affect me a lot.
What hurts more is that I have younger siblings who I have always looked after. I literally felt like a mother to them even though our age gaps are not a big difference at all. But I see the difference in my life and their lives. I love them so much and I really do want to do anything to support them. But my whole life I have been making appointments for them, making an environment where they never have to feel like how I do and hide everything going on, and more, to the point where I am still like a mother. My parents also treat them so much differently. Everytime they go through a failure, my parents are there with open arms and rather worried about my siblings being stressed about it. Meanwhile, I feel the opposite way. Whenever I experience a failure that my parents know about, I feel stressed due to the way my parents will be stressed and worked up about it. I realized I never put myself first. Especially my mother, she will even sometimes yell at me for my mistakes and while she has never yelled at my siblings once but rather hugged them and told them it's fine. I have NEVER received that treatment.
I also feel that my parents have never been satisfied with me. Yk the classical AP. I'm not tall enough, I don't have a high enough GPA for them (even though at the moment I am in the top 3% in GPAs out of 800 people in a high achieving high school), I'm not skinny enough (even though I have a below average weight for my height), and etc etc. Once, my mom expected me to make the soccer team when I never even got training and I was competing against kids who have been training since they were young. When I didn't make it, she was so disappointed in me and I was freaking out so much because she gave me a silent treatment. This same thing happened with my brother for hockey, and he also did not make it. However, my mom reassured him and said it's fine and that it isn't fair that the other kids were already on teams for several years. It's just so so frustrating to see this. I know I'm being somewhat selfish and I am not at all saying I want my mom to be tougher on my brother. But it's rather that why didn't I get this treatment? Why do I always have to be on my toes and why do I always have to feel like a disappointment?
Regardless, I have so much love for my parents. I have a great relationship with them. They are always rooting for me and wanting the best for me. However, it's just so difficult especially because I live in an area that is white dominated and it's so so difficult for me to constantly wish I got the same treatment as the rest of the kids at my school. I am also fully aware that what I'm complaining about is nothing in comparison to some of the other stories here, but it's just that I am extremely fed up. I know I am being unfair by saying this, but if I try to communicate with my parents in English, it's English that is just jumbled up, pronounced wrong, and doesn't make sense. And I KNOW that they are trying their best, but it can just get so frustrating sometimes because my siblings cannot speak our native language as well as I do, so I ALWAYS translate back and forth to the point where I am so fed up. This isn't just about not knowing definitions, but rather the college process, banking related things, medical related things, etc etc. The only person in my family who is taking care of all this is me. And recently I have been so busy and I am just so tired. I have so much anger building up because nobody from my town has the same experience as me and neither do my siblings. So I am just constantly jealous.
I am going to be applying to colleges this Fall, and I have never been so stressed. My parents have extremely high expectations for me, and I have consistently not been meeting them. My parents will say stuff every once in a while that really hurt. They do not have faith in me for the college process and honestly I don't either. When they suggest some colleges (ofc all with super low acceptance rates) and if I say something like "I don't like the location" they will be shocked because for them it's only academics that matter. But I want to be happy and I want to enjoy it if I am spending four years of my life there. My dad has even said that I should apply because ofc it doesn't matter what I want but he emphasizes that he doesn't know if I am even going to have options from being accepted to many and being able to choose. It's just so frustrating especially because my whole life I have been doing everything myself (well it feels that way) and all of a sudden due to college applications coming up, my parents are somewhat trying to make sure I'm doing this and that. I know that this also sounds so bad of me but for example my parents asked me "did you ask for recommendation letters yet" or "did you participate in school today" and I know that this is nice of them but from my perspective, it frustrates me. This is because yes, I did already, and I have been in control my whole life and I just don't like how they decide to interfere now. They have been completely clueless about so many things and honestly I really know that they are trying to help me and I know that it's nice but pls someone say they understand my frustration lol. It's like my whole life I have been responsible about anything coming up, and them making sure I did something (which I did) just frustrates me because I know!!!!! Like ofcourse I did it already. I feel like it's too late for them to all of a sudden want to manage and be more involved in my responsibilities, and I just want them to back off. I know that this is the support that I want but they should've been like this when I was so much younger. I would now much rather just tell the good news and they don't need to know the process I took or setbacks that got in the way. I know I am being ungrateful but I am just so exhausted and done.
And again, yes my parents want the best for me, and yes they don't mean harm, and yes I am living a financially stable life because they work so hard...etc.. But all I want is emotionally available parents. That has been missing my entire life, and it's too late to reverse this. Btw, I have tried and tried multiple times to express my feelings. But the same events just repeat. They have apologized but there is no change. It was even to the point where I cried in front of them (which is so humiliating to me), and there is just no change. I also feel like since college applications are coming up, my whole conversations with my APs have been about that.

Hi all,
I have a 750 credit score, and perfect payment history.
I received a letter stating that I owe $1000 to my college, not as a student loan but as a payment (accurate info! I didn’t pay my last semester). They state that the debt will be going to collections next month.
What are the implications to my credit if I let it go to collections?
I truly mostly care about my payment history, I appreciate as much information as possible
Thank you in advanced.

Backstory: my ex and I separated in 2021, divorced finalized a year later. While not everything was perfect, we both have told many others we are a great parenting team, we have become good friends, we are both happier, and we respect each other.
When we separated, I moved out of state. Before our divorce was finalized, she moved in with her bf (now fiancé), and my then 16 year old son. Our older son has been in college since we separated, and is living with me this summer.
Thursday my oldest son and I flew home for youngest son’s graduation. The youngest son picks us up from the airport and we go to my ex’s house. Her fiancé is out of town for work. My ex wife shows me a show box that’s wrapped up in gift paper, and tells (reminds) me it’s the ‘time capsule’ he made in kindergarten, to be opened when he graduates. I remembered writing him a letter to his older self after she showed it to me.
I suggested he open it right then and there, as it was just the four of us. My thinking was this: youngest son had SIGNIFICANT health issues from 18 months - 6 years old. As in, Make A Wish trip health issues. There were times we didn’t know what the future would hold for him. I expected the capsule to hold many memories of that time in our lives.
Ex wife was clear, “he’s waited 13 years for this, he can wait two more days.” (He was held back a year along the way).
Fair point. We can wait.
Fast forward to today. I’d been at my brothers house cleaning and prepping food for the graduation cookout and met ex, fiancé, former MIL, and both sons at graduation. When I walk in, ex wife hands me an envelope - the letter I wrote to my son that had been in the time capsule. Her, finance, and MIL start telling me about everything else that was in it and I just…. Fucking died inside.
That was us, the core 4, that was in that box from 13 years ago. It really hurt that she couldn’t wait until I was present to have him open it. I did my best to hide my face and not make a reaction. I barely spoke to ex or her fiancé the rest of the three hour ceremony. I know a few times tears welled up as I kept thinking about that time era in our lives during the graduation, but tried to play it off like I was just an emotionally happy and proud dad.
Truth is, ex has forgotten to include me in quite a few things since we separated. When I have the boys (we travel a lot, or they come see me), I send her pics and keep her updated on our adventures. She didn’t do that until I made a big deal about it, and even then I have to ask/remind her to take and send pics for things I miss. She’s also ‘forgotten’ several items of family business that usually negatively impact me. I’m beginning to think it may be somewhat petty intention on her part.
It really sucks because I thought even divorced we could remain a good parenting duo. Now I feel like with both boys being 18 and out of high school I shouldn’t ever have expectations that she’ll keep me informed or share things with me. I feel like I should make less effort to do so for her, and just do my own things with the boys. If her and I fail to communicate from this point forward, so be it.
Edit: grammar

Yesterday, I had my graduation ceremony. After years of university with absolutely no help besides occasional rides to the bus stop and, very rarely, to campus, I finally graduated. Here's what my parents have done in the lead-up to graduation and the day after instead of supporting me.
My parents spent months leading up to the graduation freaking out about how I'll get a job, trying to control my hair and clothing (even implying I'm ugly when I choose my own hair and clothing), harassing me to hand out business cards to everyone I meet (especially if the situation would be an immense faux pas), grilling me on if my grades are good, lecturing me relentlessly about how I need to keep in contact with people in my class and it's soooo important and would I like to hear about how my dad got a job through nepotism for the eightieth time, asking me questions they already know the answers to (Yes, I'm still talking to my former classmates. Yes, I know that you worked in the Yukon when you were 18. Yes, I know about your friend who worked in a weather station. Yes, I know you had to move to find a job in the 1980s. Yes, I am aware that it is a possibility I might have to move too. Yes, I know that it's okay to invite people over to the house, you've only "informed" me about a hundred times. Yes, I know that school is important.) Every single thing that they "inform" me about is something I have very clearly expressed that I understand, and is just thinly veiled criticism. But my dad needs to lecture more than he needs oxygen.
Just constant nitpicking, criticism, and nothing I ever did was enough. I couldn't even focus on grades, because they would in their own words "put pressure on" me to do what they wanted. To handle their emotions for them. They're obsessed with the idea that I would have to move to a tiny town or work in a coal mine to find a job, because I'm more highly educated than my dad (who dropped out of university despite having all expenses paid by his father), and because my dad worked in the Yukon for two summers. He will never shut up about that, and he even goes so far as to hold us hostage with implicit threat of a massive tantrum to listen to him tell us the story again and again and again and to show us pictures of the place he worked on Google maps and point to everything he remembers. Sometimes he can go on for half an hour just repeating himself over and over.
Last summer, my parents even went and took action without my knowledge or approval to try and get a job set up for me cleaning up a mine contaminated with arsenic in the middle of nowhere, NWT. They tried to guilt and shame me into it ("What are your plans instead? Do you have another job lined up? Because you need to have a job. You can't sit around all day." This coming almost literally one week into summer vacation after my second-last year of university, when I could be using my energy to find interesting co-ops or explore hobbies or travel, instead dealing with their harassment and obsession with trying to literally trap me in a fucking arsenic mine.) They went on and on, lectured me over and over, implied that I would be embarrassing my grandfather if I didn't go, and so on. Eventually they said "You can go work or get a certification", and I picked the certification, but then they got grumpy anyways, and every week for the entire summer they would ask "Are you still working on the certification?". Of course, dipsh*t. I've told you fifty times how long the program lasts.
They don't care about what I'm learning in class, don't care about my hobbies or interests, only care about my friends as either a means to get backdoored into a job or a "nice French Canadian woman" to have babies with. They don't care if I'm struggling, and are completely unavailable to help in any regard. Any request for help would result in a guilt trip. Even if I actually couldn't eat dinner with the family for one day because I had a test, my father would get raw emotions and I'd have to walk on eggshells for a few days. The one time I mentioned I was having trouble studying, instead of shutting up and no longer ranting in the main floor where I could hear him or turning the TV off, he just dragged a table into the unfurnished boiler room (without asking me) and then told me that I would have to study there. I wasn't allowed to choose not to, because he'd already set it up. Ironically, my anger at him did let me study pretty well for the one day that I was forced there. He tried to keep me there long-term because he thought it was just such a great idea, but I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't need help studying anymore, so I got to study at a desk with a light on it and flooring that wasn't bare cement. Hooray for the most minor victory imaginable.
In the months leading up to graduation, did they care about how hard I was working at my capstone project and offer support? Absolutely not! Did they care about how well my sleep quality was, how many times the cat woke me up because they didn't play with her enough or give her enough attention? Nope! Did they care about how exhausting it was to deal with their constant lectures on the same topics, and to have to give them affirmations ("Yes, you're right, that's right, good job, nice, very tasty, good work, oh really?, neat, that's cool, how'd you make that?, mhm, I agree, you're being reasonable, they're being ridiculous, that's crazy") a hundred times a day? Not even in the slightest!
We spend more time talking about my dad's college friends than about anything I or my brother care about.
Then, leading up to graduation. all I've gotten are the most humiliating, infuriating, insulting messages and lectures from my parents. I get almost daily emails and texts saying "You need to get a job, it's important to look for a job" despite the fact I've told them I am looking probably fifty times. Too cowardly to say it to my face. I've been texted literal links to a Google search for "[degree name] jobs [city]" more than once. Both my parents treat me like I don't listen, when I do. They treat me like I'm lazy, when I've put myself through university with no help even after they lied to me about giving me financial aid and made me out to be a bully demanding more money when all I did was say "alright" and then pay for it myself. They must have sternly given me a talking to about how "I'm not going to pay for university, you know that, right? You need to pay. Don't expect us to pay. Because we paid for your first semesters, you know that, right? We've already paid for enough." thirty times, even after I'd made the final payment. They treat me like I'm stupid when I have expressed understanding before. They treat me like I'm a bully while I always bend over backwards for them, just because I don't play my role as "surrogate mommy but this time I get to tell her what to do" well enough.
It feels like they're almost raising me into a replacement or surrogate parent. Like my dad wants me to be his mom or dad, except this time he gets to be in charge. And my mom wants me to be her mom, except this time when she freaks out or has her deer in headlights look, she'll get someone to step up and take care of everything for her. I distinctly remember having to comfort her even for things she did to me, like tell me that a pair of comfortable shoes I picked out was good and she'd get them, and then immediately scream "take it out, take it out!" after it was scanned at the register. I could not have been older than twelve. And for my dad, he always rants and raves to me exactly like he does to his parents, except without including blame for them sending him to boarding school and instead having tons of old "life updates" like where he worked when he was 18 and what music he liked to listen to in high school, stuff like that. Then he expects me to praise him or be interested like his parents never were (he always tells me that his parents only cared about his car when they called).
So now I graduated. All they had to say in the days coming up to it was to grill me on the time I'd have to be at the venue and the time I was planning to leave the house to get there on time, with a distinct air of "you're too lazy to think of this in advance and too stupid to figure it out without a plan". Of course, I had to answer this question probably five times, because they don't care to ever listen to me. Before the ceremony I got text messages showing they were way more excited about themselves being here than anything relating to me, with multiple messages expressing how they arrived and it was exciting, then they asked me how the atmosphere was and their only reply was a one-word "nice" with no punctuation, because they don't care about me and only ask droll questions to segue into their next bit.
After grad, there was two generic sentences spoken with no emotion about how it was nice I graduated, and then they made a whole song and dance about the amazing gifts they got me. It was a degree frame I picked out myself that my dad presented as new and exciting (because he never pays attention to me, of course, when I told him I had picked one out and ordered it with my mother. Also she had another freakout about price and acted like I was holding her hostage by taking her unforced offer to buy me the second-cheapest degree frame on offer.). Then he presented the free gift small frame they got with it as though I should praise him for it, then a congratulation card that was alright I suppose if only because my brother drew a little creature in it that made me smile (my parents did not add anything special or meaningful to it). There was also a cap, which I genuinely enjoy and is nice, and a cheap ballpoint pen for some reason. He said there was more gifts at home, which okay, I don't care about gifts but I'd like him to at least be as excited for my graduation as he was for the picture frame. I didn't get any souvenirs from the bookstore because I knew if I got something he'd also gotten he'd freak out and accuse me of not listening to him or whatever, so I waited. When I got home my gift was Skittles. I don't know why I thought me might have gone to the bookstore and gotten me something special related to my actual interests. He doesn't care to know what those are anyways. I guess I hoped that at least this one day would be different.
Today, the day after graduation, all I've gotten from my parents is:
- Involved in a lecture and manufactured drama about my brother not using my car to drive to his job, even though my dad had the exact opposite position the entire rest of the year, because "what if you need to drive somewhere?", trying to manufacture a fight between my brother and me while also guilting and shaming me for not driving as a hobby like he does.
- A text message from my mother asking me if I'm awake because she wants more ammo to paint me as lazy. Nevermind that I barely slept the night before to make it to grad (of course neither of my parents would care enough about me to come with me as a family. I was literally the only person I saw who went on my own and without their family showing up early too, to support them. I walked past so many families in the parking lot knowing my mother couldn't be bothered to change out of her pajamas for me.) Nevermind I had a huge day that day, and that I was taking care of the cat's energy all that night too because attending my grad is apparently soooo draining my parents can't look after their own pet, and somehow it falls to me. All that matters is she woke up early and I didn't (after I handled all her inconveniences for her, funny how that works).
- Rapid knocks on my door because my dad is making bread as a hobby and apparently "needs" me there to help him with it, and then also "needed" me to stay and make cookies with him.
- A lecture about someone I never knew who apparently once threw something at another kid on my street when I was about 5, and about how he died and how his wife's hobby was really expensive or whatever and if I really don't remember him?
- I went to a showhome for fun and brought back the brochure. My dad jabbed his finger at the pictures on it to explain the house to me like I wasn't the one who literally brought the brochure back. Never asked if I cared or anything, just immediate launch into lecture and expecting me to stay and listen and praise him for being so smart or whatever.
- A lecture about D Day for some fucking reason. My dad is obsessed with history, and he doesn't have any friends to talk to (wonder why) so his lectures always fall on my ears.
- An email from my mother explaining in an extremely condescending way how important it is to have a cover letter when applying for jobs (just completely assuming I don't write them and also am too lazy or stupid to think about having them) including copy-pasted text from a sample cover letter that is no doubt one of the first results on google for "cover letter example"
- An angry email from my mother including a job she found on google
But, contrast that to my neighbors across the street. I was friends them in grade school, haven't seen them in like ten years, and just on my way past to the showhome we said hi and chatted in a genuinely nice conversation that wasn't a one-sided lecture like usual in my house. They could sense my emotions and didn't try to keep me there longer than I wanted to rant, they were genuinely interested in me and gave me space and interest to express myself, their mother even hugged me for graduating and it was the most genuine hug and congratulations I've ever received in person. Every other hug was my family members forcing me to hug them for their own sole benefit. I admit I cried a bit later on my walk thinking about it.
Compared to my parents, the parents of old friends care more about me, trust me more, believe in me more, have more hope for my future, are more interested in me, and understand me better. It's tremendously sad that all throughout my graduation ceremony I was worried about my parents becoming upset for some random reason and blowing up at me. I'm glad I at least focused and made myself feel some pride and joy in myself for graduating.
Even the random people I met who were also taking part in the open house were nicer and better conversationalists than my parents. A random elderly couple I have never seen in my life can have a better interaction with me than my own parents. The realtor was more chill and less perfectionistic than my parents by a mile. His million-dollar house sale was something he was less stressed and perfectionistic about and something he beat himself up over less than my parents are about my hairstyle when I'm going to class because "What if you meet someone in industry and they see you're not professional".
It's absurd.

Dear E. T. E.,
I am sorry that I wrecked our friendship by impulsively showing my true, strong feelings towards you. When I put my hand on top of yours, and told you the funny little fumble you did those slightly over 2 years ago was “Kind of cute”, I immediately regretted it, even though it is what I truly feel. When I asked if I could walk you home, what did you then think? I hope you did not suddenly think I was some creep, who wanted to force myself on you and into your home. The only reason I asked was I would love to talk for another 10-ish minutes more. I am wondering if this is truly some sort of avoidant tendency? I do not truly know the reason that you blocked me. We spent so many hours playing board games, laughing, chatting, opening up about our lives. When we reminisced about the summer courses, I told you something you had done 2 years ago that you did not quite recall for the alcohol you had drunk that evening, and you seemed to smile so genuinely and widely, even, I swear, blushing. I thought it was a good sign, so I made the move. But I think I may have been too hasty. Now I regret it. I may never see or speak to you again. You are the person I care about the most in this world, and I never had the courage to tell you that. You knew I liked you, at least 2 years ago. I thought you liked me too, which is likewise why I did what I did. Of course, you may also simply been super excited about becoming much closer friends, getting to know each other and found yourself uncomfortable and unable to do so knowing the other person had such strong seemingly romantic feelings towards you while you did not have the same towards them. And did not want to hurt their feelings. But I wish you’d be direct instead, I’d be able to take it, distance myself for a time, ride myself of these feelings and only just be a friend. Or perhaps you are angry at me for trying again even though you had told me you were not interested in dating where you were in your life at the moment, but then again that was over 2 years ago and a lot can change in that time. Including feelings, yours, if you had any, having gone too…
Remember our coffee “date” after the movie? You put your foot on top of mine, and rubbed it there. I never knew whether you thought what you had it on was the table’s foot. It was dark after all. But the smiling, blushing face I seem to recall you giving me makes me think you did in on purpose? Was it flirting? Did you like me back then? You did this for 30 minutes… before we parted ways. For the last 15 or so minutes I had suddenly pressed my leg and knee into yours. You seemed to feel it and know, but you did not remove your leg or knee. Even if the foot thing was an accident, the leg thing was definitely flirting. That’s what your old “roomie” M. told me too, when I told her of our meeting. Another reason I asked if I could walk you home, that Thursday a few weeks ago, is that I never got the chance to do so back then. I think I was too chicken? I remember it was dark, there was a light drizzle over Copenhagen, the streets illuminated by pi k and blue neon signs. You had stood up when you announced it was getting late and it was time to head home, then mentioned you had your bike but asked me if I was going home by train and bus? Many people have since told me this was your way to trying to make me ask if I could walk you home that night. I wish I had done it…
So, now you know part of the reason why I had asked. But now, I need to tell you, the reason I even was impulsive enough to make a move was that I have been in love with you for around 8 years… the first time I saw you, on that tour of the college building, in 2017, I immediately crushed hard. Your dark brown hair with its slight reddish sheen, your long dark translucent floral print skirt, tall and confidently moving around. And your eyes, with their dark green hazel-ish pupils, with its glint every time you’d smile… I was smitten on the spot! Throughout that course I only crushed harder and harder… you were so intelligent, having practically a database of TV Tropes inside of your head! I also felt we’d often steal glances at each other, in the theatre, in the dining/meeting room, and elsewhere. The kind where you’d look away when you noticed the other looking at you…
After 5 or so years of our courses, we’d gotten to know each other enough, too, for you to declare me to be the nerdiest person you knew as you teased me, with mock anger, for not having seen a particularly nerdy movie… this moment, when I told you, was that made you smile that way I really love. Both the actual moment - and the long, warm good night hug that followed - and your smile at hearing of the moment, will be moments that will stick out in my brain forever. True core memories.
You grew a little distant in the months that followed our first 1-on-1 outing, but you also had people to see you hadn’t seen in a year for COVID… I regret being pushy in my texts in this period of time… I am so sorry! The flirty moment between us, though, had me very confused, especially for the text I got the next day as I wrote to you that I liked you and would like to ask you out on a “proper” date. M. told me your reaction was probably just you being a little taken aback, perhaps scared, at what this “proper date” thing would really mean. That’s why I started thinking you may simply have an avoidant attachment style? I thought perhaps eventually, you’d trust I’d never reject you, or judge you. After all, I have been in love with you for such a long time. Now for nearly a decade. Almost a decade… even if you don’t have romantic feelings for me, even if you once did but lost them, I know I won’t be comfortable having you in my life, supporting you, getting to know you better, at all, after nearly a decade. Please, I hope if you ever read this letter that you won’t be too overwhelmed and disappear even more. I really hope that you will unblock me. In any case, we really need to talk…
I hope your imminent trip to one of your favorite Asian nation is a lovely one!
With love, L.S.

I bought a ticket months in advance for this race and I thought I would have everything planned out to run decently. I can't get a refund so I was just thinking of having fun during the race but I am still livid because this was supposed to be one of my faster races. Plus college got the best of me this semester so I couldnt really block my time to train intensely or anything. It feels like everything went downhill and I am going to be a total sick slug for this half marathon. I am constantly coughing up mucus and my lungs are very irritated however my body aches went away and my cough is getting less and less because I had it for about a week. I was out on vacation last week so thats where I picked it up but I still dont regret going on vacation. Has anyone ran half marathons with chest irritation? Of course the only time I try to sign up for a race this happens to me.

So in march I got a refund from my college after I withdrew and it was about $1500, I had thought I closed my old bank and went to a new one and deposited the check there, turns out it was double deposited and has been sitting in my old bank account that isn't closed for months. They haven't said anything to me and in fact it's been gaining interest. I'm just not sure if I should pull it out and close my bank or what.

To all guys and girls reading this and to the super Mom of 5 who lives near Selden who I once knew and saw intimately and dated for over a year. First out of respect, I wish your health and your wellbeing is good and all the best for your kids.
I mean this letter in whole heart, respect and honest of how I felt and I am man who admits when im wrong and I feel Im Right about all of this. I came across a nice facebook post real, where it showed a nice Love scene from the movie “The notebook. by angel alure. (Look it up)
Yeah, you are probably thinking im crazy for maybe writing about a woman I once knew. To the woman I once knew:
That fact is, I’m crazy about being in love with you.- I do miss you and im willing to “maybe” sit down with you , maybe and I consider it again. But not yet. your friend T******* was right when I saw her in april 2024 on a food delivery run, that “the heart wants what the heart wants”. After I surprisingly I delivered food for her. I guess that isn’t a sign right too? That we are not mean to be together and then hitting up your friend N**** in april 2024 who didn’t want to date me because she was friend with you. – Yeah both signs in my eyes that maybe we are meant to be together but I know you don’t believe in Love signs. – I do!
I wanted to let you know that our ultimate missed connection was not forgotten. This is the ultimate 21 year “missed connection”. I give you this story and a nice “song story” after this missed connection story to a woman I once knew and the “song story” is a song she once loved and grew up loving and she probably still does like the song below. I wanted to let you know from the facebook reel and the notebook that "This love does exist for a season or a year with a woman i once knew. I’m keeping her name private out of respect for me and her.
I dated a woman and was with her for off/on a year. Then she went back to her ex for the 4th time , in between me, and current fiancé per her FB post from 2017 lol ( i guess he was the whole time) like and you cheated on him. Like every girl i know and here does and plays commitment games with a guy. – Yeah I saw that old post you still make public for me and people to see , and way to rub it in to a guy who maybe still loves you.
For you and for everyone watch out for a woman like this. Sometimes, they use a guy to fill a void from the guy they hate, so she said, or the home life they are depressed from, used my good qualities for months to a year,, then go back to the guy she loved and has 3 kids with in the first place (and two others with a former exbf) after one little argument we had over edibles and nothing and trying to see you! She told me she loved me and then went to him "cause they worked it out for the kids" BS!.
The love existed for a season but when the love stress gets tough, women aren’t mature enough to find a solution to make it work! You say, you thought I was mentally ill or mentally retarted to not know your social boundaries, I knew your social boundaries and sometimes, I just didn’t care and maybe I would have respect you more if your life wasn’t an anxiety attack on me. I was sure as hell stable and good when we were dating from November to april 2023- oh well., - oh well , It didnt work out but we still have the future and its never too late to change :) She last told me she isn't interested in me anymore back in February 2024 after "calling me by mistake " according to her and just dialed me after i said goodbye to her in January 2024 to start a new chapter without you!. - I call bullshit and I’m right because according to dating experts, girls "will say they call a ex by mistake" to play games and see my reaction.
– Well this isn’t a game, it was true love and we messed up at it due to you not fighting for me. I guess everyone online that i read about is wrong and you are right? Pssh You just lied to me on how you really feel and you didn’t want the hard road and the transition to being with me over one argument we had back in april 2023 and December 2023. Ohh my god. Big deal. Guess what? people who love each other fight! and then they work it out! Good, I feel so much better now and not dealing with your toxic moments anymore.
By the way,- When we dated, even in June to august, then November to December 23rd 2024 while you were with your BF M***, I wasn’t mentally crazy was i? NOPE, Was i a mentally ill? NOPE i was not and you adored me when we dated. I was stable. - Maybe If you didn’t have your ex around, i wouldn’t have to feel anxious. Maybe I would not have texted you a lot and I would have felt comfortable dating you with him not around and I would have given you the space that you and I like. Yes, I liked my space too- Maybe if you didn’t hide me from your kids, If would have been special and stable for me to treated you stable. - Your actions created my instability and your home life affected both of us.
Simple You secreted dated me and him at the same time! - I’m not stupid! You made me crazy with your unstable life and not listening to my advice. I don’t control anyone but we could have been special and developed a possible long term relationship, leading to marriage. - I felt it and sorry you didn’t! You are just a user and woman who used men for your desperate time, and yes, I would have helped you watched your kids, in time, and changed my life for you and for the better. You just used me to get over your negative home life since Nov 2022 and lost the best guy that would love you until the end of time and your death, - I hope you are happy , Have fun being mentally happy with your award winning fiancé who you cheated on. Yup! (you know who you are) Life goes on! ""
To any woman that was with me and wants to be with me, in the future, they will get go with me to my 5 star Miami beach hotel getaway, like I did in march and share my beautiful 5 star new bathroom I have - Yup, I improved myself and will be better to improve my life.
Love will maybe exist one day again for me with a stable woman who knows how to commit to dating and not being shady! - I am so happy in my life , in at peace and back to being a cool confident person like I was in 2022.
So cheers to you and Im happy i let you go and so did you but only because i chose to walk away originally, - Don’t forget it, it was my idea to let you be in Janaury 2024 because of you choosing him over me. I knew it then and every time you left me. It was because of him and your kids driving you nuts.
– Admit it! I did everything I could as a good possible boyfriend to you. I cherished our memories but now I cherish my peace and maybe I will consider and be open to sitting down and having a positive conversation down the road with you when you are no longer with your ex or current boyfriend, whatever you two are, and no longer LIVING with him for good, not just sharing his bed for a month, and he moves back in like you did in NovembeDecember 2023.
Yeah I knew you were going to let him move back in after not allowing me over on weekends you had the apt to yourself and telling me you told him, Keep your bed here. Doesn’t matter right?. - If not, Im happy with or without you . Im not saying i will or will not ever date you and be with you again, but i "might" be down to having a nice catch up conversation with you one day when more times passes and maybe we both want that and maybe when I run into you again in life. Who knows? Small world as I connect with your two friends post breakup. - . Just "maybe" - like you always said to me and mess with my mind - Just one day....If not and .If we dont meet again for a open conversation IN PERSON like real adults doo. Not over the phone or social media., oh well, I guess you will never know what our love "could have been" and what i am and what i do on the side (That i never told you about) that would make you or any woman feel good about me and being with a husband who helps people and certain individuals you love, all over the country.
Too bad, I guess we will never know and you never got to see and date me in a healthy way, without your ex and fiancé "again" around you in your home. - Good luck until then or see you in the next life. Happy being happy with or without you! - At the end of the day, I truly do miss you and our time together but i dont miss our toxic times and it could have been positive if you wanted it to be. You wanted him over me, simple.
Admit and tell the truth. Honesty is the best policy as my grandma used to say, Just like your grandma used to tell you, "If someone doesn’t want you in your life, Leave them the F alone" – Well I did leave you alone 4 times and I was a fool in love with you and you came back to me as well. Four times over. Did you tell your dad and family you did continuing seeing me? Who cares what other people think and I only cared about seeing you and that’s it and trying to be with you. You just cared about how me or anyone helps our your situation because you were desperate and its all About you right??? . What do you expect me to do? With a woman I’ve known since 2002.
I guess you didn’t want your childhood crush and adult crush like I did.
You say, you cant force love? Well what do you call meeting you in 2002 at our legendary casino hotel?? What do you call talking to you over social media for decades? What do you call running into you again in 2012 at subway?
And chatting again on POF in 2014/2015 , which you never got back to me. yeah I remember “Ghost” - What do you call meeting you and reconnecting with you in 2017 at the very place we met in 2002? – what do you call re-connecting on tinder? Then we dated in 2022/2023 – Well I call it fate, you call it, taking advantage of a guy who YOU know always like you. You took advantage of my feelings. When we dated off and on - <- That why I hated you and miss you and was pissed at you in February 2024. – You used my feelings and energy to get back at your live in Ex boyfriend or finance now.
– Yeah, I still see your old post from 2017, I guess you always did love him while we dated. & you cheated on him from November to April 2023, June, July August 2023, Nov/Dec 2023. - Shame on you and you lied right to my freaking face. That you said “I hate him and I will never go back to my EX M*** in 2023 & end of 2022 - No, I cant get over you sometimes, because the heart wants, what the hearts wants.
Most of the time im good, but to be honest, whenever our songs come on, I have to let them turn off or I shed a tear and cry at work thinking of us. - However, I choose not to see you while you live with him and be with a unstable boyfriend and not go through what we went through again.
I choose my peace over us being toxic again. – IF you want it again, It could happen but it has to be healthy like IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SINCE NOV. 2022 AND IN FEBRUARY 2023 WHEN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO MOVE OUT? Did he really even move out by the way? Or was that another lie?
Now,. You said to me earlier this year, you don’t want to see me anymore, I call bullshit and I say you were confused. You wanted me in your life when you were with me, I just think you are confused and lost that loving feeling from you two exs or negative boyfriend. Im sorry you felt that way about me and you really lost out on a good and confident man! - Ohh well...and now I begin the process of becoming more confident and greater at loving myself and someone else then I ever did before! Have fun watching from a distance.
–P.S. I’m glad I didn’t date your so called friend N******A who you went to mall with in March. People like her need to give a guy like me a chance. Glad I avoided that train wreck and her thinking she is too good enough to date me because she is friends with you. – Who gives a fuck? Every girl and yes, I didn’t care about dating her either way, Tell her to stop showing her boobs if she wants a decent guy to respect her wishes lol. JK. See every girl has excuses to let love get in the way. .
Be well to you "super mama" Bella".. To give a happy ending, because I know you like one like a happy meal at McDonalds, and If you read this and got this far, I will now let you read a “song story” I wrote and tell you about a song that a woman I once knew grew up loving this song.
I will tell you a story about a little boy liking a girl he grew up with and fell in love with while he seen and was in love with her& did anything to just see her but with a twist……
.The song lyrics goes like this and maybe you know the song, not sure….but here goes…
“Once, I was seven years old, my mama told me "Go make yourself some friends, or you'll be lonely"
Once I was a seven years old and I started to learn about girls and wanted to make some friends.
“Once, I was 11 years old, my daddy told me "Go get yourself a wife, or you'll be lonely"
I was always dreamed when I was 11 years old of being and going down a wedding aisle with a beautiful brown skin girl and her kids but I couldn’t see her face after watching a lot of movies and love shows. – foundation of my love life 
Once I was 17 years old, and I met a beautiful brown skin Panamanian at a hotel party with friends who looked like Pocahontas and had the most beautiful face I have ever seen. – Ever! I wanted her like a hungry kid wanted McDonalds.
Once I was 18 years old and I heard she moved away from me. I asked a girl she grew up with me for her phone number but she didn’t give it to me or did not have it.I was sad and didn’t know how to contact her and wanted to be with her and going out on a date with her. I thought maybe we could be friends and maybe be in a relationship. I wanted love at that time and I loved her beautiful 1000 years and million dollar smile. – That move of her, was the start of the 21 year missed connection “Once, I was 20 years old, my story got told Before the morning sun, when life was lonely”
Once I was 20 years old & 21 years old and I thought about her in college and decided to write her on myspace or facebook. Don’t remember if she replied but I knew I wanted to see her millon dollar Panamanian smile. I missed seeing her in my college year. We chatted for years on social media or chatted through the years until my mid 20s and when I was 27 years old, Fated happen and we met again in October 2012
Once I was 27 years old and I met the beautiful brown skin Panamanian mom of two in front of and inside Medford subway sandwich restaurant, the same day I got out of the hospital in October 2012. I looked at her in surprise. She looked at me too but I don’t think she recognized me as she had her little girl and young son with her. I was too afraid to talk to her as I was feeling down that day. I watched her walk away from my life at that point and didn’t say a word. It just wasn’t met to be another “missed connection”
Once I was 29/30 years old and in 2015, I messaged her on a dating website called POF and I didn’t hear back from her for whatever reason, another internet “missed connection” we chatted for another 5 years until 2017.
“Soon, we'll be 30 years old, our songs have been sold We've traveled around the world, and we're still roaming Soon, we'll be 30 years old. Im still learning about life, my woman [I wanted a woman like her to bring] children for me [in marriage] So I can sing them all my songs, and I can tell them stories Most of my boys are with me, some are still out seeking glory And some I had to leave behind, my brother, I'm still sorry”
Once I was 32 years old and I met her again as a casino hotel where I shared a bed with her back in 2002. I had a talk with her and her boyfriend was somewhere there. She didn’t tell me that until after. I enjoyed reconnected and talking to her with her two woman friends, as she played the slots. – I certainly wanted her and I think she liked me then but didn’t wanted to say anything. We talked and then I left. We chatted all through the next 6 years until I met her again when I was 37 years old. – another missed connection or was it?
Once I was 37 years old, and I found out she “was single” through tinder. We dated in “sweet november 2022” and until april 2023. We broke up 2 times and then reconnected in July 2023 and then again in Sweet November 2023. I was so happy being with her off and on 4 times until the last day I saw her was in December 23rd 2024 to complete my Christmas wish. We also spend the days leading up to holidays together and I was so happy and in love with her.
Once I was 38 years old . I was unsure about her as I felt she used my feelings and she went back to her 4 times after she criticized my imperfections and made any excuse to just use my feelings since November 2022. I showed her good intent and her intent was to take advantage of me. throughout 2023, I was in love and hated our toxic times because of her home situation and her ex..
Once I was 38 years old and the beautiful brown skin woman saw me at night and slept over my place in November 2023 and December 2023. We had beautiful moments together and when we there for each other when times got tough for both of us. She saw me during the day when I was out of work and needed someone to talk to. I loved her as a friend , a possible dating girlfriend, a lover, a future girlfriend and maybe wife, but I think all she saw me was someone to make love to and use me for love and physical sex and love when it was convenient for her and she wasn’t getting it at home. I blame her and I don’t blame her. It was another truly good and bad missed connection at a shot at love that didn’t work due to whats written above this song story.
Once I was still 38 years old and once Im about to be 39 years old, I miss the woman I grew up with and miss the woman I want to maybe see one day over a conversation, when she doesn’t live with him or her boyfriend or ex finance anymore. If not, I will be happy and cherished our 21 year missed ultimate connection and cherish our times together. I will love you from afar, maybe, but only the good times.
Once I am 38 years old now, I am happy without you and maybe even happier if you find in your heart to realize how good I was to you, and how we had special times at C**** beach, Casino hotel, movies, restaurants, my place, your place a couple times. - I said goodbye to you in person on January 4th 2024, told you I love you . I was crying and looked at you as I was driving away. You then called me by mistake in February 2024 and we had our last argument. I wanted you so bad and to have another connection.
Once I was 38 years old and it now May/June 2024. – I haven’t seen you for real in over 6 months since 2 days xmas and for 5 mintues on January 4th, - I am really sorry, that me and you could not be together. It was not meant to be, because you didn’t want it to be and you didn’t see yourself with me. – I now realize you wanted him. So go be with you ultimate connection of your life with who you share 3 kids with. We had our time and I will cherish it..........
I am now happy without you but like I said, I “might” consider sitting down and talking to you in time If you would maybe want that after times, If that time comes and we run into each other again for another “connection” . – will it be a missed connection or a ultimate connection?
I last saw you on January 4th 2024, we average “running into each other” every 5 ot 6 years . so maybe see when Im 43 or 44 years old and I can say.
Once I was 44 years old…..To be continued Thank you for reading and Be Well to the super mama that lives near selden.
P.S. I do miss our times and our moments at the “selden post office” and our time together - Well see what the future holds for us and if we ever get to see what it would be like dating healthy and just us and no living with ex’s
Did you enjoy reading my story?
Do you see me and my story and what its like to be a boy being and wanting to be with a mom of 5? – do you see him?........
Now imagine it’s a girl chasing a boy she loved when was 17 and not 16 and now imagine it’s a woman chasing a guy of 5 kids when the guy was 37 years old and wanted it make it work What would you do B*******?
Would the girl continue to try and get that ultimate connection?
Time will tell and time heals all wounds. – Less is more right?
– How would you feel if the roles would be reversed. – Well See
To all : I hoped you enjoyed reading my “song story” – The real song is sang by Lukas Graham and it’s called 7 years. Feel free to listen to it. – I have to turn it off and aother songs that make me remind me of her. ..To everyone else and all of my single guys "this love doesn’t exist anymore, unless 2 people make it work and not make excuses! - simple as that. - Watch who you date and watch out for the narcissist two faced woman who I seen and dated. Love is sure interesting sometime in your life. Lesson learned. Good luck to all and thanks for reading.-
Would could have been B****? – Once I was XX year old and we will find out or we wont with us – Follow your heart and the rest we’ll figure out – I promise and I don’t break them. – simple 