How do we feel about the PTA changes? I personally am going to miss Lethal Tempo and PTA feels alright as far as I can tell. I haven't gotten a chance to test it out in a game so all my knowledge comes from Practice Tool.
While fine, will other runes like Arcane Comet or Dark Harvest be used a bit more?

SYNOPSIS: Walking your OP monster girlfriend home is easy. No one messes with you. Getting back to your house on your own? That's the tricky part.
What's worse than an eldritch building? How 'bout a bigger one?
First Previous (See NEXT>> in comments)
Chapter Cover Art (From Mood Writing Sample)
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Norman took one look at the towering building to his left. Then he took off.
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“̷̵̵̷̶̷̶̶̸̶̶̸̴̡̛̮͉̹̪̼̙̤̲̤͔̗̮̥̣̜͓̟̞̃̔̈́̑̈̍͌̂̂̐̋͛̉̓G̵̶̸̷̴̸̵̵̴̶̸̷̸̴̶̨̢̧̞͈̠̜̳̪͎̬̜̱̫͚̝̩̑̒͐́͆̃̿̉̆̉̃̓̀̎̐͂̎̒̕̕͘͝͝Ǵ̷̷̷̴̸̸̷̷̷̷̵̨̢̞̥͓̰͖͙̰̝͖̩̺͍͎͉͌̽̂́͐̓̀͒̐͗́M̴̷̶̵̴̷̵̶̵̴̷̷̢̡̧̢̛̫̲͕͇̗̯͚̥͙͓͓̀̒͑͒̂̊̅̐͛̂̄͌̈̚͝M̴̷̶̵̴̷̷̶̷̬̼̭̗͍̺̳̩̱͍̂̄̾͂̔̽̇̀͝͝͝͠M̶̯̙̥͕̞̰̗̗͐̔!̸̞̞̬̼̖̩̈́̇͊͐̾͑͋̉!̷̧͈̘̬̆͑͝!̶̤̜̔̓̆̅̔͆͘͝”̸̨̧̼̭̫̒͜

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The new hunting cry boomed through his body. It was much louder than the first building’s, albeit shorter, like a tap on the shoulder from a titan proclaiming its presence to the world.
Of course, the tap of a titan could flatten a man.
Norman fell. His legs had simply stopped working. Jaws clenched, he forced his will into wobbly muscles. His palms slammed into the waterlogged street, stopping the fall. With a sharp push, he sprang back to his feet and ran on.
Norman yanked out the remaining two flash grenades on the go, strung them together, armed and drew back for a throw.
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“̷̬̳̙̍̎̆G̴̥͇̥͔͕̫̈̀M̵̛͇̜͙͇̫͔̭̩̝̜̓̈̏̓̓̀͛̚͜͝͝M̷̩͈͉̘͙̿͌̃̽͂̃̏̏̓̾̈́͌̈́̉̅̄̉͘!̷̢̧̢̤͓̭̖̝̏̏̄̓̾̉̆͋͘͝!̵͍̱̼̮̯̺̲͙̖̮̗͓̻̓̊͂̒̔͐̎͘͘̚!̵̙͍̟̌͒̃͂̎͠”̶̡̛̠̱̭̞̹̟͉̒̎̎̂͂̐̈́̓̄̚̕

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That quick boom pounded through him. His fingers faltered. The flash grenades slipped from his grip and fell. He was still recovering from the sound when they went off at his feet. The nightsight filtered the flash, so he didn’t go blind. He’d gutted the flash grenade’s speakers, so he didn’t go deaf. The peeping building could deafen him all on its own … no, this wasn’t a peeping building. He’d slew a peeping building. They were small fries by comparison.
This was an eyescraper.
Tentacles the width of busses unsheathed from its sides. Even if he’d managed to launch the grenades and bathe it in smitelight, he suspected that wouldn’t be enough.
Norman sliced at its eyes with a focused beam. It barely flinched. Maybe if it got close enough, he could affect it a bit. By then, it would be too late.
Throbbing chuffs thundered from the monster. It sounded like a laugh.
Norman shot it a defiant glare. He bolted. Not fast enough. He could feel the giant closing in. So, he moved faster. Then faster, and still faster. His muscles blared their warnings. Rain lashed his face. He felt the air begin to resist his movements as he reached a speed at which it mattered. It was in his way, so he pushed through it too. No one was there to tell him he was moving far faster than any human known to history. All he cared about was hearing that thing fall behind him, and so it did. The tremours of its tremendous movements grew fainter.
At the end of the street, an apartment building came into view. Norman threw himself against it, climbing with the reckless abandon of a madman. He was halfway to the top.
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“̷̧̨̭̹̘̥̮͖̤̻̥̬̌̀͒̔͌̊̀̚͜͜͠Ǧ̶̨̨̧̺̘̰̗̘̥̝̗̦̩͖͎͋̈͑͐̒̽̉̔͛̾̒́̕ͅM̴̨̉́̾̉͂͆̔̿̀̃̇̎̍͆̂̽͗̔͘͠ͅM̷̝̻̱̆̍͜!̴̮̬̯̮̦̖́͂̆͋̿̇̎̄̄̅̂͑̎̀̕͘͝͝͝!̸̲͎̲̼̠̮̱͖̥̭̤̩͓̘̜͈̟̖̮̰̦͖̀̂͗͂̽̈́̋͌͂̐̓̈̕!̸̜̆̿̋̔̽̕”̷̢̦̜̰̼̳̝͓̆͗̈́̆̆̑̃̾͑̀͗͒͆́͐͒̈́̿̽̕̕͜

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His grip went limp. He fell. Struck the ground. His head bounced. The world grew fu...z z y.
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W
h
y
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w
a
s
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h
e
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r
u
n
n
i
n
g
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a
g
a
i
n
?
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_CHAT

• LEMMY.OUTA.HERE: (Stupse) Well, he ded.
• BAJANETTE11: ARN74, JUST GO AND FIND HIM!!!
• ARN74: HE DIDN’T SEND ME DE PIN! DIS BAAARE STRESS! NORMAN, YOU PUNK! YOU EMOTIONALLY INVESTED ME IN THIS CHANNEL! IF YOU DIE NOW I’M GONNA KILL YOU!

Something was yapping in the background, but it wasn’t important. He felt fine. Everything was fine. Why not rest? Why was he even-?

_CHAT

• ARN74: YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN’T LEAVE AMY!!

What? No he didn’t! Promises weren’t for trolls! Why would he leave Amy anyway?
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“̸̼͔̖̜̫͍͚̊́̽͆̓̂̋̋͐̕Ģ̴̢͕͉̯̺̗̖͔͙̪͓̻̯̫̭̙̱͕̠̭̩̌M̸̨̧̘̟̹̖̻̲͍̭͓͉̰͙̦̣̜͉̻̎̅͗̇̈́̈̏͌̓̾̀̈̈́͜M̵̢̢̖̯̦͍͕̝̯̥̹̪̠̥̰̝̖̊͛̀̇͜!̵̢̡̡͚͕̘̟͕̥̦̪͆̈́̿͆!̴̛̹͈̜̥͔̬͎̪̩͚̦̯̟̘̩̰̳̍̑̂́̌͌̎́̒͋̽̿̑͌͝͝!̴̛̥͕̪͂̂̂̈̓͆͗̇̄̈́̌̅̎͂̕̚̕͝͠”̷̧̧̛̠̝̰̞̘͙̥̖͎̭̞̜̳̟̓͆̌̊̃̔́͒͋̇̈́͘̚͠͝ͅ
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Oh, right. There was a skyscraper running him down. To think he lived in a world where that made any sense. He rubbed his throbbing head. It was hard to think, though.

_CHAT

• ARN74: TRY AN CLIMB DE TING OPPA!

Brain fog would have to wait.
In two twos he jumped onto the side of the building and kept going up and up without breaking the momentum of the leap. Adrenaline had challenged gravity. Gravity lost. There was no pause to assess handholds. There was no rain stinging his face. In his mind, there was only ‘CLIMB, CLIMB, CLIMB!’ Crest the rooftop. ‘RUN, RUN, RUN!’ Descend the other side ‘JUMP!’ Gravity greedily reclaimed Norman, dragging him 4 storeys down at breakneck speed. He hit the ground in a parkour roll. Bruised a bone. Nearly fractured a shoulder. Wrenched his spine. Joints, muscle, ligaments almost popped. They didn’t.
He was running again.
Norman had never heard a building shred like paper. He’d never thought to wonder what it sounded like.
*( ( BMMM! ) ) ( ( BMM! ) ) ( ( BOOM! ) ) \*

SHHHHHRRRRRRMMMM!

Now he knew.
Those booms … was it the eyescraper’s tentacles breaking the sound barrier, or punching holes through the apartment building? Maybe both. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that it was tearing the building in two with the ease of one parting curtains. Buildings were not designed to be parted. Two became legions as the sundered building collapsed.
Norman rushed for an abandoned truck, slid beneath the trailer. Not quite fast enough. Most of the rubble didn’t reach him directly, but upon hitting the ground? It pulverised into a blast of cloud like a sandstorm. Hissing beneath the trailer, the dust stung at his ankles. He ignored it, racing for the truck’s cabin at the front. Perched on the step beneath the door, he braced as the dust raced beneath, around and above him. The cabin was his shield. He flinched to a duck when its windows shattered as the dust cloud blasted straight through them. The truck rocked and slid slightly, bombarded by wind and dust. It lurched as a chunk of debris finally reached it, crumpling the trailer like cheap foil.
Time to move.
Particles prickled Norman’s eyes, finding their way through the nightsight. He took a fresh glimpse of the path ahead before clouds of grey engulfed it all.
Memorised.
He dashed on. A split second later, the cabin was levelled under a larger slab of concrete. More sporadically thundered down around him. His eyes were squeezed shut, denying entry to any more particles. He scrambled through the street, dodging obstacles from memory. As for the concrete rainfall that couldn’t be seen? He had some prayers about that, but it probably came out like half-baked gibberish.
Norman chanced opening his eyes. They watered like crazy. At least most of the dust was gone. Behind him, the eyescraper’s menacing silhouette was picking through the rubble. Finally, an unblocked street was in sight. He rounded the corner.
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“̵̨̢̮͕̻̲̺́͠G̵̣̒́̓̽̅̊͘͝Ọ̷̝̣͓͙͔̀ͅͅǪ̷̜̺͚̲̯̭̈́̍͂͑̋̋̅͂̅́M̷̨̤̭͈̯̤͋̾̏̈̅̉̀̏͘M̵̡̢̙̱͌̊̓͒́͌Ḿ̸̳͗̀̀͐͒͗́͠ͅ!̷͍͉̣̪̫͙̳̲̤̎̀̾̅̈́̔̎̑͘͜͝͝!̴̨͈͖̘̖̅͛̋̽͠!̸͎̩͓̫̥̼̫̊”̵̫̗̞̣̝̃̅̕͘͜͜͝ͅ
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Another peeping building, rumbling in from the new street. Alright. Straight it was.
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“̷̢̧̻̹͚͔̾G̵̳̭̾̃̎̍̌̂̈́̂͛͘M̶̧̠͇͔͚͉̮͈̰͒͊́̏̔̄̾̊͐̒͂͜M̸̳͓̋͋̔͑̔̔̕͝Ő̷͓̟̱̮͓̍̂̾̽̇͘͠Ô̸̧̫͉̮͚̥̥̯̈̾͋̅͂͘̚M̶̢̫̥̰̮̪͙̬̙̗̺̽͒͐͌̋̈̄͆͝M̴̢̧̧̛̗͔͓̫̭̳̱͑̉!̵̡̛̛͍̲̓̅̑̈́̿̏͘̕͠!̸̧̖͔̣̩̏́͋̀͛͂̏̀̇̑͐!̴̧͕̝̮̤̱͈̬͋”̸͓̉̈́̑̎͊̌
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Maybe not. A third building emerged from the rainfall ahead. All streets blocked. He glanced about. All alleys still blocked. This really was a hunting net, but this much energy for a tiny human? Predators weren’t usually like this.
He ran for the nearest building that wasn’t occupied by eldritch calamari.

( ( BOOMM! ) )

The eyescraper’s tentacle crossed his path. Its supersonic shockwave sent him flying.
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Norman came to. Rain poured against his face as he lay on his back. How long was he out? Why was it so cold? The atmosphere didn’t quite feel right. It didn’t look right either. Something about the colours, or subtle lack thereof. Everything seemed a bit desaturated. Norman sat up and coughed his lungs out, evicting a mix of dust and rain water collected in his slackly gaping mouth. Buildings towered above him on every side, a bit too close for comfort.
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“̸̮̼͍̻̯̲̹͓̬̻̓̍G̷̛̖̙̰̰̟̓Ḿ̸̧̨͊̊̔͒͌̆͆͘͠͝M̷̧̺̏̿̆͑͆͋̅͌̕͝G̵̰̺͇̺̯̲͇̠͖͂͜M̸̡̨͕̹̗̥̎͑́̾!̸͇͙͚̝̩͕̙̒!̵͙̬̮̪̏̍!̶͔̪͉̙̘̃̐̄͝”̶̡̡̥̫̻̝̜̫͙̩͛ͅ

.
Oh, right, those weren’t just buildings.
Norman raised a finger, gesturing to wait. “Could you *kaff!* quit subwoofin’ at me for, like, ten seconds!”
“Plucky.̵͚͐͝ for all seasons I .̵̦̺͐̅see,” came a skin-crawling voice from behind him.
Norman swung back his smitelight. It barely moved half a foot, then it stopped. Rather, something stopped it. That ‘something’ was cold. So cold. His wrist felt the chill without even touching it.
Norman turned, slowly, so as not to trigger further attacks. He found himself looking up.
Eight feet tall. Dark grey skin. A grin that went a little too wide. Dagger teeth. An open-chested jacket, revealing sinewy muscles with luminous markings like tattoos. His ebony eyes bore penetrating white pupils. Of all his traits, the dreadlocks stood out most. They belonged in a nightmare, dancing through the air with a life of their own. Somehow, they looked blacker than black, absorbing every ray of light or heat that came their way. That icy chill in the air shifted with the movements of his dreadlocks. They seemed to drink life from the air itself. Norman almost found it hard to breathe. One dreadlock clutched Norman’s smitelight, only by the tip, but its grip was iron.
Norman stared the tall man down.
The nyctal’s grin grew by a smidgeon.
Taking a calculated risk, Norman released the smitelight. Perhaps a peace offering would do good.
“Good.̷̧͋͌̎̿ boy,” the tall man nodded, admiring the smitelight as the dreadlock rotated it. “Clever.̴̧̤̩͈͓̖͂ͅ toy.”
Norman noted an understated Jamaican accent in his voice.
More dreadlocks slithered across the smitelight, as if tasting its every nook and cranny.
Norman did his best to look casual as he scanned for an escape route. The eyescraper’s tentacles had wrapped around the street, fencing him in.

_CHAT

• BAJANETTE11: 😳
• DARCIE222: okay, i’m back
• HARD-BACK-M8N: who you is again?
• DARCIE222: i left after the twilight angel sleep paralysis
• LEMMY_OUTA_HERE: And you’re back for more?
• DARCIE222: wonna know it impossible to stay away from a channel like dis

Norman looked at the tall nyctal again.

_CHAT

• DARCIE222: 😲 WHO IS THAT?!? AND WHY IS HE KIND OF …??? 😍
• MUNSTER-VERSER: I KNOW!!!
• BAJANETTE11: HE LIKE A VAMPIRE RASTA MAN! ❤❤❤
• ENTO_MOLLY: MOVE OVER MIGUEL O’HARA!! 😍🥰😘
• BAJANETTE11: NORMAN ASK FOR HE NUMBER!!!
• NORMAN: I HERE ABOUT TO DIE AND WONNA WANT HE PHONE NUMBER!?!

The nyctal’s eyes shifted to Norman inquisitively. He frowned, raising an eyebrow as the comments piled up. Finally, he smirked mischievously.
“Your fanbase has peculiar tastes,” purred the tall man.

_CHAT

• ENTO_MOLLY: 😳 Is … he talking about us? HE CAN SEE THE CHAT???
• DARCIE222: THE WAY HE SAID IT!!!
• DARCIE222: HBVJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJKL;K''
• LEMMY_OUTA_HERE: Did she just pass out on the keyboard?
• LIKKLE-BOY: lol!
• ARN74: you’re simping. Norman’s about to die, and you’re simping

The tall man handed Norman his smitelight.
Norman’s suspicious gaze flicked between the nyctal and the weapon. Finally, he reached out and took hold of the smitelight.
It crumbled in his fingers like ice-cold ashes. If not for the insulation gloves, he might have gotten frostbite.
The nyctal laughed.
Norman didn’t find it particularly amusing.
The tall man sauntered towards the eyescraper. Beyond it was a darkness even the nightsight had difficulty piercing. He beckoned Norman as if it were an afterthought.
“Please come in, .̵̭̻͌̓̂Norman.̶̲͕͇̅̑̚,” the nyctal instructed.
Norman stared stubbornly, hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels. He felt for his smartphone. It wasn’t there. When had he lost it?
Without looking back, the nyctal held up Norman’s phone. It disintegrated between his fingers as he rubbed them together.
Norman glared. At least the guy hadn’t pickpocketed deeply enough to find other things.
“Hey. To whom do I owe the … pleasure?” Norman almost had to push the last word through his teeth.
The nyctal stopped in the eyescraper’s doorframe. Shrouded in shadow, little could be seen of him, save the piercing white pupils peering out. Then the glint of his Cheshire grin.
“.̴̜͓̭̻̤̍̈́̆͑͑John Crow.̸̻̮̓̈́̏̓͘,” he answered, before receding into the darkness.
The eyescraper’s tentacles dragged in across the street, corralling Norman towards the building. With an exasperated groan, he trudged towards the main entrance.
“I want my bed,” grumbled Norman.
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First Previous (See NEXT>> in comments)

The first rays of rosy-fingered dawn climbed their way over the Macedonian hills and fell like arrows to glint upon the racing bronze of the Scythian raiders. Death clattered and rang among the early morning light as they made their way across the plateau towards the waking village. Gleaming in the rosy light, but obscured by the mist, they seemed like comets cast as Olympian arrows. Their horses' breath clung in the air as they dragged behind them chariots of bronze and chariots of iron. Each carried two men. Those with bronze carried a driver and an archer with bow bent, while those with iron carried a man with a mighty cleaving axe. Each driver also carried for himself a leather shield and bronze short sword. Behind the chariots came footmen equipped like the drivers, and at their flanks rode horsemen carrying one-handed axes, javelins, and wooden shields covered with leather. Thus the horde came down the valley towards the village, cloaked in the fog, but vastly beyond what their victims could hope to muster.
Then, the fog parted like the curtain of a theater. Before the coming horde stood arrayed a sturdy phalanx, a wall of bronze shields and forest of spears aimed towards the invaders. Behind them, men stood with bows bent and arrows knocked. At their center, a man sat astride a white-faced bay mare. Shining in his steel armor, he drew his bow and fired. An arrow sped into the eye of the foremost driver, and a moment later another caught his axeman in the throat. He roared with a voice like a trumpet. “MEN OF MACEDON, SET YOUR HEARTS ABLAZE!” Thus cried Leonidas Kygniois, keen eyed hunter, and with one voice his men answered him. “WOE! WOE! WOE TO THE WICKED!” At those a volley of arrows was loosed from behind the phalanx and fell among the Scythians. Many died, as Leon bid his aide unfurl the banners. Across the field each unit raised up two banners. Below was the banner of the unit, and above the sun with sixteen rays. Besides Leonidas arose his own banner, the white wolf on the blue field, under the black dragon’s wing.
The foremost forces of the Scythians were caught in the charge, unable to pull away. They crashed into the wall of shield and spear with the terrible sound of breaking bones, shearing bronze, dying horses and dying men. All the while arrows continued to rain, and the slaughter was brutal. But then, swift as a winding river, the Scythians turned and wheeled away. The chariots of bronze sent forth arrows of their own, coated in serpent’s venom. The phalanx raised their shields, and covered themselves. Even so some struck through, and the venom wrought a terrible toll on the men. Even so, the phalanx began to march forwards, stepping over the dead with their grim chant. “WOE! WOE! WOE TO THE WICKED”. With this chant they kept their stride, and advanced as a seamless wall. The wounded fell back, helped by their brothers. The archers helped guide them back, and reservists stepped forwards to replace them. Thus the army advanced.
The Scythians pulled back, and danced at the range of the archers. They sought a weakness, or to create a weakness. The bronze chariots formed into a circle and spun like a wheel. Each man turned and fired, and slipped out of range. It was troublesome to target and gave each Scythian plenty of time to line up his shot. In their midst was one most terrible, their chief in gilded chariot. Shining was their armor, brilliant as the sun, head hidden behind a helm like a lion. Their bow was strong and eye keen. Whenever they loosed, a Hellene fell dead.

At the same time, the chariots of iron gathered on the left, and with them the horsemen of the left. The army of the Hellenes had deployed on the flat ground before the village, with a forest on their right to guard that flank. For a flanked phalanx was a doomed phalanx, and the flat ground was optimal both for maintaining a unified line, but also for the chariots and horsemen to maneuver. So the scythians gathered on the left, and sought to envelop the Hellenes there. Their chief suspected their enemy might have hidden horsemen in the mists, and so the wheel turned. They drew forth arrows set with whistles and fired them into the flank. The arrows screamed with a terrible sound to spook horses and sunder morale. Then forwards the flanking force drove to envelop the foe, or else slip behind them to wreak ruin among the archers.

There they found the strongest of the Hellenes. Beneath a banner showing serpent-haired Medusa, they stood clad head to toe in steel. No arrow could find purchase against these immortals, and no blade of bronze could wound them. They turned with grim purpose, spears tracking the foe as the mist lifted. The flanking scythians found themselves with no cover, facing no exposed flank, but the royal elite of the Macedonian army.
Then out from their midst stepped a dark-haired woman with piercing blue eyes. She pulled back her cowl to reveal a diadem, and opened her thumb on a bladed ring. She reached into her cloak and drew forth iron shavings, a magnetic stone, and rose thorns. Then she spoke words of power and imposed her sovereignty over reality.
“Apaangan
Loha
Kaante”
Then she blew the iron over the field. From the bones of the earth, iron answered. It erupted like a field of nails under the feet of the horses. They screamed in pain and stumbled. They fell and cast their riders on the thorns, or else were slowed in their stride. Thus the charge was stalled and the pace ruined. Then spoke the witch again and the air stank of ozone.
“Trisula.
Munhatod
Bijalee chamakana.”
By these words she called forth lightning. It came as a brilliant trident to her bloodied hand. Her hair came alight into the air with static, her diadem gleamed in its light. The enemy saw her and beheld the dread heir of Olympus, last and mightiest of the demigods, Queen Cassandra of the Macedonians. She hurled forth her trident into the air. There it broke and a storm cloud formed over the battle. The fury of Heaven rained down on the chariots of the Scythians. Their chariots of iron were brought to ruin. Their men fell bloodied, deafened, and burned. So Cassandra brought ruin to her enemies.
Thus, the enemy retreated from the hellene lines, and fled from the wrath of Cassandra, daughter of Zeus. For her fury was terrible, and her deeds were mighty. Thus they came back around their chief, and escaped the ruin that had come upon them. They withdrew, step by step, and runners were sent further back to the baggage train to make ready. On the Hellenes came against them, but they were slow in step and cautious. Leon watched the canny chief of the Scythians, and never did his eye wander. The chief in turn watched him, and both put hand to bow, though they did not loose at one another. The range was wrong, but each made ready for their duel.
At length, the Hellenes pushed the Scythians back beyond the extent of the forest, and so their left became exposed. Their chief launched a probing attack with their horsemen, who drew near and threw their javelins into the midst of the Hellene line. The line recoiled, pulling back and inwards, bunching up. At this sign of weakness, at once the chieftain struck. The chariots closed in for the kill. Likewise, the horsemen circled and lowered their spears. As one they would drive into the exposed flank of the Hellenes and drive them from the field.
Then the forest vanished. It had not all been an illusion of it, but enough of it. The chieftain turned, the world seemingly slowing to a crawl. Out of the fading shadow ran bold men armed with long spears. They crashed into the flank of the charging horde and into the midst of the chariots. They drove their spears into the wheels of the chariots, and ground them to a stop. They thrust upwards at the horsemen, who’s mounts reared away from the danger. The charge had been utterly disorganized by this sudden surprise attack, and the advantage was to the Hellenes.
Valiantly the Scythians fought, and most valiant was their chieftain. They lashed about themselves with axes and swords. Their chieftain hefted high a mighty flax; a reverse-edged blade held in two hands. Down the falx fell, and a Hellene that drew too near was all but split in two. The surprise was sudden, but for their charge the Hellenes had forsaken shield and heavy armor. As surprise faded, the battle seemed to shift in favor of the Scythians. Yet the chieftain lifted up their eyes, and saw that they were in danger. The Hellene cavalry finally made its move. Slipping in behind and around the bulk of the Scythian force, with Leonidas at their head, they made to encircle and destroy the Scythian mobile element.
Then the tide truly turned against the Scythians, as a roar sounded out of the mist. A shadowy blur, nearly the size of an elephant, was among them. It snatched the wounded out of the jaws of death, and threw aside chariot and horse with ease. Axes struck at it, and bounced. Spears thrust and were broken. A few bold horsemen charged towards the black mass in the mist, then she raised up her head. Great wings split the mists aside, and her majesty froze horse and rider alike in terror.
Her body was like that of a panther or other great cat, covered in interlocking scales like a serpent. Her four limbs were long and powerful, ending in mighty claws gleaming white as ivory. A tail like a scorpion lashed, a glaive-headed blade at its tip, sharp enough to split a man in twain, swifter than arrows. A long neck terminated in a head a bit like a horse, a bit like a viper, and a bit like a bird of prey. Plated black scales overlapped across her body, gleaming in the dawnlight, sturdier than steel, yet flowing like water. Blue fire lapped around the edges of a mouth full of teeth like daggers. Two great wings eclpsed heaven behind her, leathery like a bat. Long white scars from battles past covered her throat, as eyes like amber froze men like trapped bugs.
Seramis of Achaea, the Dragon Princess, entered the battlefield.
The chieftain saw this doom amongst their men, but watched with wisdom. Though Seramis wielded terror as her weapon, roaring with flame and talons drawn, she wielded only terror. She might have slain many easily, but she used the Gehennan flames as only a firewall. Her tail lashed and claws struck, but they slapped rather than slashing. The dragoness certainly broke bones, but that was more a function of mass than malice. Her priority was the wounded, and she struck those that got in her way.
“Avoid the dragon! Do not strike the wounded, nor stand to capture them! Slay them in a single blow, or wound them and move away before the dragon intervenes!” The chieftain cried, and while the Hellenes could not understand her, Seramis did. The Diluvian princess turned her head and looked toward the lion-helmed Scythian. The pair shared a look of understanding, before the tumult of battle resumed their attention.
Seramis continued her work, all the easier for the lack of interference. Acting as both medic and ambulance, she rescued the wounded, Hellene and Scythian alike. Following in her shadow came a creature a bit like a ram, with seven horns of lapis lazuli. This was her familiar, a spirit of knowledge she called Elijah. He acted as her diagnosticator, identifying wounds and ailments to aid her work. Sera cast spells of healing, not complex work but quick and efficient. Bleeding stalled, bones were set, and pain was soothed. Then she would take the wounded and lash them to her side and back with tendrils of shadow. Once she had gathered a full load of men, she retreated back behind the Hellene lines. There she deposited them with the healers, and leapt forth to rescue yet more.
With the dragoness identified as less a threat, and more a mobile hazard, the Scythians returned their focus to the Hellene cavalry. Their own cavalry had been Leon’s primary target during the initial confusion of the charge, and he had made good use of the opportunity. Many a Scythian horseman had been slain in those first few moments, and no less than thirteen by the prince of marathon’s own hand. The white-feathered shafts of his steel-tipped arrows were seen planted in throat, eye, and heart, a testament to the prince’s deadly aim and fearsome bow. For he was wolf to ringbearers, and the strength of his bow and the superior metal of his arrows pierced breastplates of bronze, even the scale mail of the Scythians.
Even so, while the Hellenes had bled the Scythian horse fiercely, they had less success against the charioteers. The chariots provided additional cover from Hellene javelins, and space to evade their lances. Moreover, their sturdy construction made them perilous to the Hellenes horses, as a swinging wheel could easily break a leg. Finally, the simple fact that each chariot was a two-man team allowed for greater resilience. One man focused on driving, and the other on fighting. If either was wounded so they could not do their work as well, they could switch. Even if the driver was outright killed, the other could take over and use the mass of the chariot as a weapon. So, though the play gave the Hellenes the advantage, the Scythians were far from out of the fight.
So, with fury, their chieftain rallied their men about them and led a fierce counterattack. With the superior durability of the chariots and their mighty chief at their head, the Scythians reaped a bloody retaliation on their foes. Leonidas ordered his men back, to gather themselves anew. Each side had been bloodied, and both sought a retreat. Then with a cry, he took his personal guard back in, aimed directly at the enemy general. His bow was drawn, and fired.
The Scythian general stepped to the side of their chariot, dodging the shot. They drew their own bow, aimed, and fired. Leon evaded, but he wasn’t the target. Instead, his horse was. The white-faced bay mare took the Scythian’s arrow in her flank. The wound was minor, but the poison was not. She ran on seven steps, then seized, and fell down dead. Leon leapt from his dying steed, and landed in a roll. He came up with shield and spear at the ready, as the Scythian chief turned their chariot towards him.
The two general’s bodyguards whirled in a melee as the Scythian and Hellene commanders faced each other in single combat. The Scythian forsook their bow, knowing their poisoned arrows could not pierce the prince’s steel armor. Instead they raised high their fell falx, as their chariot closed in. Leon readied himself as the chariot closed to trample him. Then, at the last moment he sprang aside, unusually agile despite his heavy armor. Still, the lion helm tracked him, and down the falx came. Leonidas raised his shield and set his feet. The shield was steel, and sturdy enough to shatter a blade of bronze such as the falx falling upon him. But it struck true, and carved the steel shield, then kept going. Leon pulled back, but he’d braced himself and couldn’t maneuver. His steel armor parted, and he came away with a serious gash in his arm. He felt the blade hit bone, and realized that if he hadn’t been so well equipped, that blade would have taken his left arm off, cutting straight through the bone.
Still, though he bled, he did not quail. He threw aside his ruined shield and took his spear in both hands. While his foe had the mass and momentum of a charging chariot, the physics of metallurgy dictated that their blade should have broken against him. Curved blades were more fragile, a trade-off for their superior cutting power, and a bronze blade should have no chance against steel. If physics were being violated, it meant sorcery was at play. The enemy’s blade was enchanted.
Again came the chieftain with their blessed blade. Their horses panted heavily in the air, adding to the rattle of the chariot. Chaos swirled around them, but Leon silenced it. The world reduced to simply himself, his enemy, and the vanishing space between. He set his target, and waited for the space to entirely vanish. The beat of the horse’s hooves were set like a metronome. Then, at the precise beat, he shattered the rhythm. He drove his spear forwards into the knee of the Scythian horse. The spear’s wooden haft shattered from the force, but so did the stallion’s leg. It collapsed in a bloody heap, tangling its partner. The chariot crashed into its steeds, slaying both brutally. The chieftain and their driver were staggered, but grasped hold of the chariot and were not thrown.
Leonidas took fourteen calculated steps, moving around the wreck of the chariot, then stepping aboard. In a single motion he drew his blade and cut upwards. The driver fell back as a spray of blood erupted from his throat. He slumped over the front of the chariot, blood flowing to mingle with the horses. Leon whirled on the chieftain as a shout of rage came to their lips. He stepped in close, too close for his foe to swing their great blade effectively. Here, his short blade had the advantage, and the chariot cornered his target. He drew the blade back to his hip like he was knife-fighting, and thrust upwards towards the foe’s beast. The scaled armor of the Scythians was legendarily hard to slash through, but the overlapping scales that caused such strength were vulnerable to this exact kind of upwards thrust. But his canny foe knew the armor’s weaknesses just as well, and pivoted with agility to rival the warrior prince.
They slashed with their great falx, but the range was awkward, so Leon evaded. He then pivoted, taking his blade in both hands. Gritting through the pain of his wounded arm, he wheeled with a mighty blow. He put his back, legs, and both arms into a murderous strike too quick to evade. The Scythian chief recognized it, and ducked their head. Rather than suffering a decapitating blow, they took the hit on the crown of their helm. The gold gilding it deformed and parted, but this was by design. By using a coating of deformable gold above the bronze, the helmet could better absorb slashing attacks. The gold twisted as it was cut, catching the blade and altering the edge alignment. Leon cut though, but rather than burying his sword midway into his target’s skull, he cut apart the helm and left a relatively shallow wound along his foe’s scalp, running down their forehead and across their face. The lion helm split, and fell away. Leon looked the enemy general in the eye for the first time, and hesitated.
The helm fell away, and out spilled long, golden hair, now matted in places by blood. A fair face, with piercing blue eyes looked up at him. A warrior’s snarl covered her face, as the Scythian Queen recovered. She snapped up and slammed the hilt of her falx into Leon’s eye. The prince staggered back, blinking to recover, as she took a step back in turn. With this, she obtained her range, and cut down with her falx. Leon raised his sword to block, but the reverse curve of the unusual weapon made it difficult. His wound caused his arm to spasm, and the curve came around the sword. The enchanted blade bit ito the common one, then cast it away. Leon’s wrist was wounded in the exchange, and blood began to fill his gauntlet.
Leon realized his peril, and stepped in swiftly. He caught his foot behind hers, and pulled back as he slammed his shoulder into her. The queen fell back, but caught herself on the edge of her chariot so she did not fall. Leon pressed in, pinning her arm with his his hand so she could not swing. He drew his hunting knife, and it was at her throat in a moment. His grip was unsteady, as his wrist was wounded, and he felt an utter brute to have a knife at a woman’s throat. “Yield. I do not wish to harm you.” He ordered, uncertain if she could even understand.
The Scythian Queen laughed in his face. “You do not wish to harm me?” She asked through a thick accent. “Then you should never have come to the battlefield! Know that I am Tamur, Queen of the Scythians, no soft flower of the south that you might bruise with your breath. I am here to that I might crush my enemies, drive them before me, hear the lamentations of your pathetic women, and reap from your ruin the prosperity of my people. Slay me now you coward, or else you must yield, for I will slay you without mercy.” Clear and clarion was her voice, as Athena upon the battlefield or Artemis on the hunt. She feared neither death nor injury, and laughed in spite of the carnage all about them.
Leon held his ground and was not moved by her laughter or insult. “Hear me then, oh Queen of the Scythians. What is greater cowardice? To be slain for principle, or to breach principle for fear of being slain? You are a mighty warrior; this I cannot deny. But this is my principle, that no man is any man that slays a woman, even if she is a warrior. I bid you now yield, that we might bring peace between our people and an end to this meaningless conflict you have brought about.” He spoke with all respect due to a fellow warrior, and with the resolve of his own indestructible soul.
“Far be it from meaningless, warrior of the Hellenes. Would you not do anything, even go beyond the bounds of the earth for your people? Hear now my principle, that my people shall conquer that we might not be conquered. For you who are blessed with so much shall not offer a pittance to our meager tents. So we shall take, for this is the nature of things, that the prosperity of one must always be at the expense of another. This is the balance of the world, and it belongs to he who carries the sword.”
Then she snapped her head forward, and impacted with Leon’s helm. Headbutting a steel helmet with your bare, already wounded head is generally not a good idea. But she was braced, and he was not. The maneuver would have opened her throat, but Leon had held back his knife for his soul rebuked him to harm a woman. Needless to say this principle, while generally noble, was extremely foolish in this instance. Chivalry was certainly not on Tamur’s mind as she pushed him back, and kicked him in the balls.
Leon was wearing armor and greaves, but about his waist was more of a plated skirt than a codpiece. The introduction of a bronze boot to that region inflicted less damage than it might, but this was in the sense that his family line could continue, rather than full nullification. He staggered further back, agility shattered. Tamur lashed out with her falx, and Leon wisely rolled away.
Leonidas began pushing himself back to his feet, but a Scythian archer circled. Whether by skill or by luck, they let fly their arrow and it struck true into the gash their queen had torn in the prince’s armor. Leon gasped briefly in pain as the arrow hit under his shoulder plate and pierced the meat of his back. It went through to the rib, and cracked it. He felt his blood already burning as the poisoned arrow delivered its deadly payload into his veins. The meat of muscle across his back began to scream and spasm, dropping him back to the earth. He saw Tamur approaching, and grit his teeth to rise through the pain. He was too slow, the falx came up…
Then there was a rush of wind, a smell of sulfur, and the sound of bronze ringing against talon, then scraping against scale. Seramis had intervened. She swooped in, and her talon met the falling flax. The two mighty women’s blades rang against one another, then Tamur shifted the blade. She cut across the dragoness’s palm and wounded her, drawing blood as the enchanted weapon carved scale. Seramis retaliated by coiling her tail, then striking forth with it like a whip. The foot and a half long blade at the end of the tail met the barbarian queen’s guard, and drove her back. The blade of the falx shook and sang like a tuning fork.
Seramis lowered her head, and spoke with a voice tinged with fire. She spoke in the Scythian’s own language, a growl deep in her throat and fire on her tongue. “Have you not heard, queen of the Scythians, that one should not trifle with a dragon’s hoard? If not, then I will educate you. Come not between a daughter of Tiamat and her treasure. This is folly, and will be your ruin should you persist.”
Tamur heard the words of the dragoness, and looked once to the blood on her sword, and once to the flames in the maw before her. She saw the damage the hellenes had wrought on her vanguard, and the advance of their phalanx. She stepped back, and ordered a retreat. Scythian and Diluvian locked eyes as the queen boarded a new chariot, and swiftly they retreated from the battlefield.
Sera breathed a sigh of relief, and quickly turned to her prince. Leon had kept trying to get up, and managed to stagger to his feet. Gently, she took him in an unwounded claw, and bore him away. “Leon, please tell me you can hear me.”
“I can. Ow.” Leon replied, breathing slowly, and deeply, to keep his face and voice from twisting in pain. “What did you say to her?”
“Just a bit of theater to make her leave, don’t worry about it. You focus on not dying, oh chivalrous fool mine.”
“Hah. Tease me when I’m not dying, would you kindly? It hurts too much to laugh.”
“Maybe next time, don’t be such an idiot then.”
“Ah, but then how would you have an excuse to rescue me?”
“Please, we both know I don’t need an excuse to steal you away. I’ve done it before.” Sera teased, and Leon smiled through the pain.
Even as two of the trio of royals retreated, Cassandra remained. She saw the Scythians trying to quit the field, and that the ambush had not been successful enough. They had mauled the Scythian mobile element, but not utterly broken it. She sent an order for caution, for if they overpursued the wily Scythian general, she might turn and crush them in turn. Still, she would not allow her enemy to escape her wrath so easily. She cast again, and thunder boomed across the clear morning.
“Avataar”
“Poorvaj”
“Rosh”
The mists of early morning fled from the Hellenes, and ran down the Scythians. The retreating barbarians turned, and saw the mists gather together into a humanoid figure. Long curls of smoke came down from a scowling face, almost akin to hair. Winds howled like limbs to throw men from horse and chariot. Tamur quickly evaded as the growing titan of mist swung, clear blue eyes gleaming amongst the artificial cloud. Then the avatar drew back its hand, and lighting crackled into being. The heir of Olympus and last daughter of Zeus hurled down lighting bolts at the Scythians, reminding all why even with the thrones of Olympus long empty and ashen, they were still remembered in myth and legend.
Bolts of lightning mauled man and horse alike. Chariots fell away twisted and burning. Thunder terrified men and horses. Cassandra watched from the eyes of her avatar as she delivered the wrath of an angry god upon then. “I am the dread Queen of Macedon. I am the miracle of destruction. I am mankind’s answer to dragons, and you dare, YOU DARE! Come to my home, my kingdom, and hurt my people, and now you think you can simply run away?” The whisper grew to a roaring fury, bolts of lightning leaping from her eyes to slay yet more.
Then Tamur cried a loud challenge, and bid her driver turn the chariot. She charged at the avatar of mist and storm, raising her blade high. In rage, Cassandra cast down another bolt of lightning, but Tamur raised up her sword. The bolt caught the bronze blade, but did not rip down through into the queen. Instead, she turned and set herself, then cut the air. Lighting ripped back into the avatar, and cut it from crown to groin. There was a clap of thunder, and the avatar was banished.
Cassandra went flying back, caught by her men, but left dazed. A wound, thankfully shallow, had sprung from no apparent source, from her crown down the center of her body, even under her armor. She staggered upright, hands shaking violently. She reached for magic, but it was like a man who was concussed. It was there, but unstable, difficult to control, unreliable. The clean, efficient control she prided herself on eluded her. She drew in a breath, and clenched her fists to stop her shaking hand. Showing no pain from her wound, she watched as the scythians slipped out of her grasp.
“Where in the world did she get a sword that can cut the soul?” Cassandra wondered aloud. Then, heeding the insistence of her men, she retreated, and ordered the army to retire from the field. She growled as she made her way back towards the medical tents. “I hate dealing with other miracles.”

So I'm not sure how to even go about telling this tale. It's something I've never even tried to do, not from the beginning, at least. I guess we'll start with how I first fell in love. I was young. 18. I'd never had a boyfriend, never had a boy look twice at me, at least to my knowledge. So my first love became the boy I was around so often. My brother's best friend at the time. Sick, I know. He was the first boy to ever show me affection. The first guy that ever made me feel sexy and beautiful. I fell slowly bit by agonizing bit. He held back for the longest time for a noble reason, I thought. He cared for me, but he and my brother were so close. I went down the route of okay, well, then let's just have sex. Nothing more. I was 18 and still a virgin. He would say things like, "I can't do that. I can't use you. I'd break you anyways you couldn't handle it." Funny, looking back, it was all its own little lore. Long story short, we finally had sex. Life moved forward, and I fell in love, and I thought maybe he was too. I was wrong. If you hadn't already guessed. I became a toy, for I'd say a year, maybe 2. Every day, I begged and asked, "Can't we just be together? You care about me. You say you do. So let's just be together. Let's tell everyone, " And each day I was met with a fight. "We're not together. We never will be!" Time went by, and this fight became the norm. And fights about me talking to other guys' fights about me not coming around when he wanted. I never got to come when I wanted. I only came when called. Like a dog. Again, time passed. The cycle continued. Drugs got involved, which only made things worse. I felt neglected. I talked to people everyone told me to move on. So I did every so slightly. I fucked my other brothers best friend. Great sister here. Trust me, I know. Of Crouse, the first guy found out, and things got crazy. he threatened me. I got scared and called my sister in law aka my very best friend. She saved me that night. And for my best guess, about 4 years, we never spoke he left me be. He moved on. after making my life mental torture for 2 years, it was like I disappeared. Which was fine, really better than you'd ever expect. my sister in law threatened him, of course, so maybe that had something to do with it, and he was intensely afraid of my brothers. And so again, time passed, and I dated other people. Nothing ever worked out. All of them as painful as last and just as filled with bad choices. All until one summer, he came back. Last summer, I was beginning again. Like I've done so many times. I was back at my first job again looking for a fresh start from the beginning. That's when I heard from him for the first time in a long time. My brother and he had stopped being friends maybe a year before. My brother called him manipulative and a dick to say the least. But when he contacted me, I felt things had changed. That he had finally changed and for the better. the fact he was contacting me again wanting me back, I thought it was fate. I'd be with my first love, the man who took everything from me, we'd get married and be together. The whole time yard's. Fucking stupid that's what I was. What I am.. We fell back together slowly but surly. I fell in love, and he got control. The summer passed in a wave of drugs. He never told me he loved me he never put forth any effort to be near my family. All he wanted was control over me. He shrunk away at the idea of coming to my home being near my brother he ex best friend and my roommate. Time passed, and I realized I wasn't much more than a bank for him. I'd forgotten to mention in the time we spent apart he hadn't worked for 4 years. His mom took care of it all. I did everything I could. I was there all the time I made food, I cleaned the house, and I kept his dog fed. I tried to show him everything. It never mattered. The only thing that mattered was how I "cheated" on him all those years ago. I had never thought of it as cheating seeing as he said we weren't together and loved to talk about how hot other girls were. He would bring up past relationships while he and I weren't together like I got with these people just to antagonize him. So as summer went on, I got exhausted. So fucking exhausted how do you show someone you love them when all they see are the faults? He well really I can't just blame him, but we drained my bank account buying drugs. I got tired of it, and I left. I told him to leave me, be that I was done being used. This was around Thanksgiving. He didn't take it well. I blocked him after about the 30th message. That didn't stop him he messaged through friends Facebook or with their phone numbers. I blocked so many people. But it didn't stop the messages kept coming. And so by Christmas, I caved. Don't know why he'd admitted to coming out and driving by my house told me how he could see my Christmas tree in my window. And still I caved. Because who would do this for someone they didn't love? Who would keep trying for someone they wanted to treat badly? I got my answer. I went back only to be accused of cheating and lying. He'd call me a bitch and whore and a cunt. He'd done all this in the messages, too, before the begging started. I should've listened and not fallen for the begging. But he'd tell me all I wanted to hear how he loved me and wanted to be with me wanted my kids. So I fell for this over and over and over again. Until not long ago just a few months I tried to leave, and we got into a fight. I wanted to go with him to ride with his friends. He didn't want me to. Would've been fine with that honestly but as soon as he saw I was disappointed the fight started. I tried to leave his home. we yelled his neighbors threatened to call the police. I ran he hit my car tried to yank the doors open. Once I finally thought I'd gotten away he started chasing me. Chased me down his road at probably 70 in a 45 mind you and swerved in front of me almost wrecking us both. He proceeded to get out of the car ignoring me sobbing and started screaming at me through the window and asking me to come back. Once I agreed he proceeded to do burnouts in front of me. I followed him back he took me riding with his friends I got what I wanted in the end I guess. But after this I got scared. If you can do that what else can you do? I left again not long later because it just didn't seem to matter what I did. nothing was enough. I left I blocked him. It wasn't enough he found ways to contact me. And today he contacted family of mine to get ahold of me. He waited out near my house by a restaurant and followed me home. I ran I didn't know what to do I didn't want him and my brother to get into a fight because no matter what, I still somehow care about him. He stopped me in the middle of the road wouldn't leave until I agreed to unblock him and to give him a hug. I feel disgusting he kissed me. I want him to leave me alone. I know this is my fault I led him on again and again by coming back. I just wanted him to change. I wanted him to love me. I just wasn't enough and I won't be ever. Why won't he just let me go? He could move on and find someone new to use. I know I have a problem too I've gone back again and again and made it normal for him. I just want to be free now though this has gone on so long. I know he doesn't love me I just don't know how he can say it when he doesn't. I'm not sure what I'm really asking for here maybe validation or maybe just encouragement that I'm doing the right thing. I coukd go into more detail really he's done so much to me but it's hard looking back. I just I really need to know that me leaving is the right thing.

About 2 years ago, I made a post expressing how much reading the first 11volumes destroyed me. Now, I have reread the entire series and I just finished the last 2 volumes. I cried; I feel tired, dehydrated, hungry, and sad. I feel everything and nothing at all.
I don't really want to say uch... only that Phos has to be one of my favorite protagonists of all time. The journey and evolution of the character in this unique world created by Ichikawa are amazing.
Phos is probably the character I have felt the most for. Ever. Seeing Phos gone... that innocent, joyful face dissolving into existence, was a punch in the gut. I had seen the comet panel on Twitter before without much context, but now that I have read it, turning the page and seeing it made me slam my desk. "I hope they brighten up someone's day...." Here I am sobbing, sad for this gem that only knew happiness when it was a bit too late. What a sick joke.
Anyway, guys, I wish you all a lustrous day. Peace.

Throwaway because I only lurk on reddit. I'm 27, the girl was 24. Dated for 2 months.
Like I don't know where to even begin. I even have no idea why am I writing this but I just feel so ultimately broken that it hurts in a way that I thought is impossible. I feel so empty, like I wanna cry and scream but there are no tears and there is just silence and me staring at the wall and having thousands of thoughts at once and I'm not sure what to do about it.
I started dating this cutest girl on March and everything was as smooth as a butter. We met on an app. I knew she has attatchment issues and etc but I was patient and honest and wanted to wait with physical stuff because she mentioned its important for her to feel comfortable and stuff and I was very understanding as always and thought that I finally found someone who has the same approach to relationship and wants to build something on honesty and go with the flow, don't force anything and so on. I did not want to rush anything and we were going at our own steady pace. I never want to do any physical stuff very early on in the relationship, we only did some light stuff, like kissing, touching each other above the waist and such. Very "polite". We both communicated our goals, relationship-wise and such. We both wanted the same thing, a life partner. We both said we are monogamous and we just need one person and no one else and everything was peachy.
So we always were on good terms in person but texting was a bit of a struggle, we usually had fights (like twice) on texting apps (never in person though). Time spent IRL though was like the best time possible for both of us and we were super comfy with each other like I never felt before actually.
Now, there was a time (like 2 weeks) when we didn't see each other at all. During that time we had one of those fights she gave me silent treatment for like 3 days. Now I think this is passive aggressive manipulation technique which is a deal breaker to me. But I thought "damn this girl is really cool besides that little issue, I'll give her a chance, maybe she's just stressed out or something". It went on for like 3-4 days and we started talking again and it was good.
The fight was about something we were supposed to talk about IRL (and I panicked because it sounded very serious) but then she mentioned it was just that she won't be able to spend a day with me in next month (a specific, special day that we were supposed to spend with each other). Not a big deal and I was suspicious that this was the thing she wanted to talk in person. She mentioned "I have no idea what is your approach to these things" when I asked what she wanted to talk about in person (before we had fight) and it keeps ringing a bell now - I'll explain later. We met up later after making up and, we have good time, everything felt right, idk. The fight was caused by me because apparently I "freaked out" (because I've never heard good news in my life when I've heard "we have to talk" from someone I'm dating).
I won't mention that she was talking like relationship is a huge step and she isnt sure about it and she wants to go at her own pace and things like that. I was okay with that, I was affectionate and she was usually cold towards that saying that she doesnt want to get attatched and similar things and at the same time talking dirty to me sometimes. I also should mention that she has a ton of guy friends.
Then we had another fight about some stupid thing like before too. Like basically meaningless stuff that did not matter at all. It ended with her not messaging me for 6 days straight and I just got tired and deleted her everywhere besides one app because if she acts like a child so be it. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Like 1-2 hours after I have done that she messages me like nothing happens. I am 100% sure its not a coincidence and she only messaged me because she noticed that. And then she mentions that I deleted her everywhere and how nice it is of me. Then I just told her that I don't see us having a future because she keeps using silent treatment which is a deal breaker to me. And she laughs at me saying that I was not on silent treatment (though we ended last convo on a fight) and I'm a clingy insecure incel or something like that. I was over it anyway since the last fight and didn't feel a thing so we just had few messages back and forth - I was trying to be as polite as possible, she was trying quite the opposite. Then she blocked me. Then she unblocked me after 20 minutes. Just to mention that now she does not regret having sex with her "situationship" 2 weeks ago.
The "situationship" is like a close guy friend that had a crush on her but she rejected him. She had multiple of those. She had more guy friends than I have lol. She had multiple of exes with which she was still very close and friendly. At the same time she says she only slept only with one guy ever (its not like it matters but Im pretty sure it was a lie now). I'm not jealous or anything. I am just scared that this is the type of girls I will be seeing now in the future. It's like 3rd time I'm seeing someone like that. I know we didn't promise each other anything but we became close and we dated exclusively and she had sex with someone (and felt guilty about it for a reason).
I was over it yesterday and didn't want to date her anyway but now it's like somebody stabbed me multiple times in my stomach and twisted the knife badly. I feel physically ill, I didn't eat since that conversation and it was like 5 hours ago. I just don't know what to do with myself. Are those girls the only girls that will date me? Can I for once be a first option for someone and not just a spare part? I'm just so sad, man, I wish someone would just hug me and tell me it's okay to cry. I feel like vomiting after finding out she was seeing me and kissing me after having sex with a guy 2 weeks before.
I just can't stand how she intentionally decided to hurt me in the worst way possible, I wish she didn't say that but at the same time I deserve the truth though. But it was said like "in your face, bitch, I had sex with someone when we were dating and that wasn't you, you loser".
"I have no idea what is your approach to these things" rings a bell now. Because she said it like 3 days after she fucked that "friend" of hers. So she felt guilty because she knew that she has done something shitty. She gave me specific date when they had sex and it all adds up. She lied to me. Multiple times apparently. She didn't know what is my approach to those things meaning she did not know how I would react to "oh i had sex with someone else". And she only informed me about it when we had a huge fight. So she never thought about me seriously and just wasted my time.
By the way - throughout those 2 months I saw multiple times her pics on dating profile change, her bio change, her location change and other details about her change in the app. Constantly. Like every 10 days or so there was a small change. It's not like I was checking it every hour but like once every 2 weeks or so just to look at her mostly lol because I really liked looking at her.
I bought flowers for this girl. I was pouring compliment after compliment until she was blushing and almost cried with happiness. I was there for her mental breakdowns and I just always provided support, I was thinking about her all the time. I fucking bought a post card for her when I had small vacations. I wrote it specifically for her putting some easter eggs inside that only we both can laugh at. I almost told her that I love her and I only said that to 2 people in my life so far. We both assured each other multiple times that we are exclusive and we both don't want to date any other person and we want to keep dating each other and progress into relationship phase. I was doing literally anything I could thought of to make her feel secure and comfortable. Meanwhile she had sex with someone and stated that she doesn’t feel any guilt about it because we weren’t in the relationship. Like what? We were already going on dates, several dates. And she stated that she did „what a good friend would do”. Like I don’t really want to date anyone after reading all of that. How shitty can one person be?
Is there a chance that I will meet a girl who won't do things like this ever? This is like second time I'm going through some kind of infidelity stuff and it's just... I'm tired boss. My last relationship ended after 2 years because my gf was unfaithful. She basically was sleeping around and sexting multiple people. I just want to find my one and only and be the romantic guy who appreciates the other person 24/7 and is caring and loving and would do literally anything for that special someone. I want to see sunsets and sunrises and look into her eyes and think that I don't want to look into any other eyes. I want to fall in love so deeply that I literally want to spend each hour with that person. I am always honest, focused 100% on only the person I'm seeing and not seeing any other people around and not caring about any other "date opportunities" or stuff like that. She made me open up about things that previously took years for me to speak about. She gave me more compliments in those 2 months than I ever heard in my whole life previously. She made me feel loved. She made me feel wonderful, blissful. And at the same time she stabbed me multiple times and I bleed it out.
Like I have all these questions:

• How am I supposed to trust someone after such a betrayal when they have been acting so perfectly good to me and were so supportive, nice and "honest" all the time besides that one time where they cheated on me?
• Am I not worthy of loving?
• Not worthy of faithfulness?
• Not worthy of a proper communication?
• Not worthy of honesty?
• Does everybody lie? Why do people do this?
• Why do I have to go through all of these experiences one after another, can't like I have a good time with someone and hear that I'm great and it's all good but the vibe isn't quite there or something like that?
• Why do I always have to be hurt in the worst way possible? I've never broken up with anyone before. I always give chances and never lose hope unless something really bad happened.
• Will it ever stop?
• Will I have to keep living and experiencing more and more painful relations until I physically cannot take it anymore?
• Why have I never felt NOT alone throughout my life?
• Why is everyone I'm dating so toxic?
• What's the deal with dating world these days? There is always another option but that doesn't mean shitty behavior is acceptable or something.
• Why is that pain more powerful each time?
• Does loyalty even exist these days?
• Why. Just why. Jesus christ.

If you will read this – I know you use reddit – I wish you to never feel the way you made me feel. I’m absolutely destroyed, you ruined me. I told you that I trust you. You destroyed it. I will always have trust issues towards any woman in my life forever until I die. I hope you’re proud of your little manipulational psychological tricks and immature behaviour. Your actions always have consequences.

So some backstory, me and this one guy have had a history together. Since our sophomore year of high school I had the biggest crush on him and had asked my friend to ask him out for me (embarassed and young). He said no and that he was straight, and I was blocked for a long time. Then, within my junior year my class (with him in it) went on a 3-day field trip and I just so happened to be in a group with him. We got closer than we’ve ever been, he unblocked me, we were just good friends and he was extremely sweet. I started texting him after the field trip and he was both responsive and respectful, seeming interested. Even at times when he had the opportunity to sit with other people he chose to sit with me and talk to me. We would talk a lot as well at parties. Anyways, I finally gained the courage to ask him out my senior year (which I am in right now) and he told me he respects me but didn’t feel the same way. I didn’t know if he was saying that because he wasn’t interested or because he was not gay or because he was in the closet. So after that, in a sense of desperation I downloaded a gay dating app (I’m 18), and I just so happened to match with him (also 18)on that app. He blocked me once he realized it was me. And out of sheer rage, I blocked him on Instagram because I felt a little played and stupid. There was a bit of tension then between us. Anyways, fast forward to now and this past week I was invited to go hang out with my friends for our senior skip day. It just so happened that he was in the friend group, so it felt like I had to unblock him. So on the day of the thing (today), he didn’t want to ride alone and was saying to ride with me so that he wouldn’t be driving alone. And within the car ride we had a long talk about everything. He told me about how he is gay and he thought everyone knew, he talked about how we’re cool, he apologized for how he texted me back on instagram and explained that he could have worded it better and was in a relationship at the time. We talked about my crush on him but not super explicitly as if he still knows I like him. We also just talked about being gay and how it is in high school and shit like that, it was an actual nice heart to heart. Anyways, now that I know that he’s gay and have been confirmed that, and I also know that he is single, what do I do. I didn’t ask or get any info on if he thinks I’m cute. And truly I want him so bad. I want to reach out but I don’t know, it’s nerve-wracking abd Im afraid of denial. I want to get to know him, but I don’t want it to get awkward or fuck up our new friendship. I just want him so bad. This thing today truly cemented just how much I have a crush on him and it’s difficult. I have no clue on what to do.

How can someone just decide to fuck up someone else friendship? I've recently lost my closest and bestest friend ever. She got closer to me than anyone else in my life. We talked daily for a whole year, from morning to night. Everyday more or less.
And i got really attached to her. I really valued our friendship and i miss her so much. I would do anything to just...talk to her again.
But she removed me as a friend like month ago. And it's been really rough for me to be honest. I've never felt so alone as i do right now. I can't stop thinking about it and it making me really depressed.
So this is basically from my point of view. So just one day she wrote to me on discord that there is this guy in her server that comes from another country, and he started talking about that he wanted to move to my country, and he mentioned my citys name even, And my friend then said jokingly that she thought that it was me who made an troll account just to fuck with her. But my friend then said that to this guy, that she knows me and lives in that very city he wanna move to. And she asked if he could talk to me, and i was bored and thought why not, it's kinda creepy and like what is the coincidence. so we started talking and i can't remember exactly what really happened but the guy got really mad over a joke i made and removed me. And then started to like argue with my friend in this discord server. Saying stuff like im weird and yadayada.
She ignores him. Some days go on and he tries to talk to her and she ignores him as much as possible, or be very short with him. Dude gets really angry and starts going off at her and at me. Then leaves the server, and we just laughed and forgot about him kinda like instantly, talked a little about how weird it was but that's all pretty much.
And then maybe like month later or something i think dude is back and tried to say he was sorry, tried to become friends again with me and my friend and i let him re-add me and we talked and he were sorry. and i showed my friend but she wasn't having it with this guy. But he tried really hard to talk with my friend and she got tired of him. And one day he just asked me if my friend hates him or something and i said the truth that he is really annoying and he tries to hard, my friend is parasocial so she just gets quiet when people are to much.
Then he gets really angry again, removes me and start an argument in the server again. Ignored by my friend and leaves the server.
then i don't remember much what happened but he kinda just left us alone. Until one day he leaves her a dm and it's a whole paragraph of just...BS pretty much. She ignores him, i can't remember exactly. But he gets blocked or something.
We don't hear from this guy since.
And one day there is this new girl who joins the server my friend is in. And they start to talk and actually becoming friends, i think they talk for a month or something. And i joined the same server because me and my friend talked about that old guy for some reason.
And i don't really talk in the server much.
Until one day i said something, and this other girl said something.
All of the sudden i got an dm from my friend asking if i were intrested in talking to this new friend of my friend. And isaid yes, and she made a groupchat with just us three.
And it went really smoothly at first, we talked about cakes, food, music and stuff like that. And then this girl starting to become kinda.. needy according to my friend, she would leave her paragraps of text daily about private stuff, asking her personal stuff about me and her and other stuff.
My friend didn't answer much cause she were busy with other stuff or didn't feel like it cause it was kinda weird stuff.
Then this girl writes to me, asking me if my friend is ignoring her and stuff like that. And i said i don't really know, all i know is that she is really busy with school, maybe she's playing something or watching a movie and stuff like that.
And then one day this said that her fiance walked out on her cause he were pissed or something, and me and my friend were both busy that day so we didn't have time to answer her. And she took that as we both ignored her, she gets mad and i understand that. but she lashed out and went over the line so hard and so quick. She leaves the groupchat, unfriend my friend and leaves me a long text about she just blocked my friend and rather wrote to me instead cause i actually answers back. And said stuff like she feels ignored, and she doesn't understand why. I show the text to my friend and she answers me like hours later and she got a bit angry aswell over what this girl said. And then this girl unfriends me, and sometimes goes on. A few days later she writes to me a long paragraph again, saying how bad friend my friend is, cause she were talking shit behind my back, saying i'm to much, always like teasing/bullying her, and always writes when she is online and she were tired of it.
And i sent her the text to my friend, we talked and i wrote back to this other girl, and she started to insult me, tried to anyway, starting to say im a simp, pathetic loser and i have a baby di*k and stuff like that.
So we have a long argument pretty much, My friend gets really annoyed and adds her and she also starts to fight with this girl. But then this girl starts to say some really weird stuff about me and my friend should just have sex and getting really.. detailed and graphic about it. Putting both of us in a really weird and awkward position.
She gets blocket after a while.
And now comes to most annoying part. Me and my friend, we don't talk as much as we used to. It's very..limited. We don't joke as much anymore. We just.. answer each others msgs but that's about it. And it goes on like that for a week until i say that ever since that night when this girl said all those things, our chat has changed, we don't talk as we used to. I can't tease/bully her anymore cause now it just feels like im flirting instead. And my friend said she kinda feels the same, it feels super weird for her. And i'm actually getting kinda sad and nervous and start to ask like what can i do to change the situation. Cause i miss our old ways how we used to talk and all that, and my friend said it's not really my or our fault, it was that girls fault and it feels really weird. and i'm getting even more sader and try to talk some more but i'm getting short answers so i took that she were feeling uncomfy about it all...
And later i found out that my friend actually lied to me about a thing, and asked her about it and she didn't want to hurt me but still kept on lying. And i got really sad about it, so sad that i just left the chat and logged out.
And the whole day i sat there thinking about what i would say back, made a speech in my head and were preparing myself to say it. And as soon i open up my friends dm, i see she unfriends me. From Instagram, Steam, Roblox, Tiktok, Like..everywhere. And i wrote to her, tried to make her say something but i get no responds. so i just said that it sucks it comes to this but i just have to accept her wish then. I leave her alone.
A few days later i get a dm from her. It's a printscreen from that first guy, who were starting fights. Said that he knew the girl me and my friend talked to. She were just his "secret agent" and it was all a big lie. It was him all along pretty much, And i tried to answer her dm, but.. it didn't deliver. she put on the setting that she wont get any msgs from non-friends. It made me cry, and i wrote in the server cause she were online. Ignores me.. Then i saw she even blocked me. My friend blocked me... And it felt like a knife in the gut so i went to instagram, asked her why she blocked me and i just wanted to answer the dm with something. She reads it instantly. And blocks me there aswell.
And this was a month ago now. And to be honest.. I don't even know what happend, I miss my friend so much and everyday is a struggle. I can sit in our dms and reading old chatlogs and sometimes i start to laugh and smile, and sometime i just cry and can't stop pretty much. But after a few days i started to force myself to watch movies, play some games and some days i managed just fine. Some days i couldn't at all.
then i saw she unblocks me. And i sat there for hours, just watching her profile. thinking " what happends if i wrote to her?" And i actually decided that i would try to reconnect. Cause she was/is my closest friend, and i value that so much and i just wanted to try again. So i wrote a paragraph pretty much, saying how much i miss her and i just wanna talk with her again. And when i were done, i just sat there for atleast an hour before i press enter. It didn't deliver cause she don't get any msgs from non-friends. And i started to bawl my eyes out. That was 3 days ago. I still haven't really recoverd and i feel so alone, so empty and so lost and i don't know what to do honestly. i just wanna... talk with her.
Sorry for long post but i just needed to write down my side of the story.

I really can't look back at these fondly again. Whenever I do, I think about Dan, Brian and all those disgusting creeps! I think that sucks as I grew up with these shows. I had fond memories watching Drake and Josh. Knowing what these worthless denigrates did to those actors and writers. It legit hurts. Especially when these assholes shove in feet and all of their disgusting fetishes. Hell despite being framed as cometic. I never found them funny. I found them weird. Now looking back as an adult. I find them sick! Sick and disgusting! I especially hate all the times these young actors are sexualized. If there's one thing I absolutely have a hatred towards. It's people getting damaged like that. Ngl, I'm kinda happy these shows are off the air. Even if I liked them as a kid. Even if I had fondness and it reminded me about the good times in my life. Now. I don't get these feeling of nostalgia. Instead I just think about how much pain these people are! If things were done better I would look back fondly but no! Dan and his douche bag friends are involved and ruined it for not just the writers and actors but all the people who grew up on these shows. I hate to sound cliche but Dan, you ruined a bit of my childhood! I can never watch Drake and Josh and iCarly ever again without thinking about the disturbing crap you did! I hate you! Seriously! Nobody wins! The actors, the writers and less talked about. The people who had fond memories about these shows. These can mean so much for people only to be ruined with your feet and kid obsession! The impact of people who grew up with these shows isn't as talked about. While it's not as bad as the actors and writers. Growing up with these shows only to finally see the hell! It's just as painful! I wish Dan and his pedo friends gets arrested for a long time and to never work with kids ever again! Nickelodeon. Shame on you for letting these creeps in. May the actors and writers live better lives and live a better tomorrow.

So I'm not sure how to even go about telling this tale. It's something I've never even tried to do, not from the beginning, at least. I guess we'll start with how I first fell in love. I was young. 18. I'd never had a boyfriend, never had a boy look twice at me, at least to my knowledge. So my first love became the boy I was around so often. My brother's best friend at the time. Sick, I know. He was the first boy to ever show me affection. The first guy that ever made me feel sexy and beautiful. I fell slowly bit by agonizing bit. He held back for the longest time for a noble reason, I thought. He cared for me, but he and my brother were so close. I went down the route of okay, well, then let's just have sex. Nothing more. I was 18 and still a virgin. He would say things like, "I can't do that. I can't use you. I'd break you anyways you couldn't handle it." Funny, looking back, it was all its own little lore. Long story short, we finally had sex. Life moved forward, and I fell in love, and I thought maybe he was too. I was wrong. If you hadn't already guessed. I became a toy, for I'd say a year, maybe 2. Every day, I begged and asked, "Can't we just be together? You care about me. You say you do. So let's just be together. Let's tell everyone, " And each day I was met with a fight. "We're not together. We never will be!" Time went by, and this fight became the norm. And fights about me talking to other guys' fights about me not coming around when he wanted. I never got to come when I wanted. I only came when called. Like a dog. Again, time passed. The cycle continued. Drugs got involved, which only made things worse. I felt neglected. I talked to people everyone told me to move on. So I did every so slightly. I fucked my other brothers best friend. Great sister here. Trust me, I know. Of Crouse, the foray guy found out, and things got crazy. he threatened me. I got scared and called my sister in law aka my very best friend. She saved me that night. And for my best guess, about 4 years, we never spoke he left me be. He moved on. after making my life mental torture for 2 years, it was like I disappeared. Which was fine, really better than you'd ever expect. my sister in law threatened him, of course, so maybe that had something to do with it, and he was intensely afraid of my brothers. And so again, time passed, and I dated other people. Nothing ever worked out. All of them as painful as last and just as filled with bad choices. All until one summer, he came back. Last summer, I was beginning again. Like I've done so many times. I was back at my first job again looking for a fresh start from the beginning. That's when I heard from him for the first time in a long time. My brother and he had stopped being friends maybe a year before. My brother called him manipulative and a dick to say the least. But when he contacted me, I felt things had changed. That he had finally changed and for the better. the fact he was contacting me again wanting me back, I thought it was fate. I'd be with my first love, the man who took everything from me, we'd get married and be together. The whole time yard's. Fucking stupid that's what I was. What I am.. We fell back together slowly but surly. I fell in love, and he got control. The summer passed in a wave of drugs. He never told me he loved me he never put forth any effort to be near my family. All he wanted was control over me. He shrunk away at the idea of coming to my home being near my brother he ex best friend and my roommate. Time passed, and I realized I wasn't much more than a bank for him. I'd forgotten to mention in the time we spent apart he hadn't worked for 4 years. His mom took care of it all. I did everything I could. I was there all the time I made food, I cleaned the house, and I kept his dog fed. I tried to show him everything. It never mattered. The only thing that mattered was how I "cheated" on him all those years ago. I had never thought of it as cheating seeing as he said we weren't together and loved to talk about how hot other girls were. He would bring up past relationships while he and I weren't together like I got with these people just to antagonize him. So as summer went on, I got exhausted. So fucking exhausted how do you show someone you love them when all they see are the faults? He well really I can't just blame him, but we drained my bank account buying drugs. I got tired of it, and I left. I told him to leave me, be that I was done being used. This was around Thanksgiving. He didn't take it well. I blocked him after about the 30th message. That didn't stop him he messaged through friends Facebook or with their phone numbers. I blocked so many people. But it didn't stop the messages kept coming. And so by Christmas, I caved. Don't know why he'd admitted to coming out and driving by my house told me how he could see my Christmas tree in my window. And still I caved. Because who would do this for someone they didn't love? Who would keep trying for someone they wanted to treat badly? I got my answer. I went back only to be accused of cheating and lying. He'd call me a bitch and whore and a cunt. He'd done all this in the messages, too, before the begging started. I should've listened and not fallen for the begging. But he'd tell me all I wanted to hear how he loved me and wanted to be with me wanted my kids. So I fell for this over and over and over again. Until not long ago just a few months I tried to leave, and we got into a fight. I wanted to go with him to ride with his friends. He didn't want me to. Would've been fine with that honestly but as soon as he saw I was disappointed the fight started. I tried to leave his home. we yelled his neighbors threatened to call the police. I ran he hit my car tried to yank the doors open. Once I finally thought I'd gotten away he started chasing me. Chased me down his road at probably 70 in a 45 mind you and swerved in front of me almost wrecking us both. He proceeded to get out of the car ignoring me sobbing and started screaming at me through the window and asking me to come back. Once I agreed he proceeded to do burnouts in front of me. I followed him back he took me riding with his friends I got what I wanted in the end I guess. But after this I got scared. If you can do that what else can you do? I left again not long later because it just didn't seem to matter what I did. nothing was enough. I left I blocked him. It wasn't enough he found ways to contact me. And today he contacted family of mine to get ahold of me. He waited out near my house by a restaurant and followed me home. I ran I didn't know what to do I didn't want him and my brother to get into a fight because no matter what, I still somehow care about him. He stopped me in the middle of the road wouldn't leave until I agreed to unblock him and to give him a hug. I feel disgusting he kissed me. I want him to leave me alone. I know this is my fault I led him on again and again by coming back. I just wanted him to change. I wanted him to love me. I just wasn't enough and I won't be ever. Why won't he just let me go? He could move on and find someone new to use. I know I have a problem too I've gone back again and again and made it normal for him. I just want to be free now though this has gone on so long. I know he doesn't love me I just don't know how he can say it when he doesn't. I'm not sure what I'm really asking for here maybe validation or maybe just encouragement that I'm doing the right thing. I coukd go into more detail really he's done so much to me but it's hard looking back. I just I really need to know that me leaving is the right thing.

So I'm not sure how to even go about telling this tale. It's something I've never even tried to do, not from the beginning, at least. I guess we'll start with how I first fell in love. I was young. 18. I'd never had a boyfriend, never had a boy look twice at me, at least to my knowledge. So my first love became the boy I was around so often. My brother's best friend at the time. Sick, I know. He was the first boy to ever show me affection. The first guy that ever made me feel sexy and beautiful. I fell slowly bit by agonizing bit. He held back for the longest time for a noble reason, I thought. He cared for me, but he and my brother were so close. I went down the route of okay, well, then let's just have sex. Nothing more. I was 18 and still a virgin. He would say things like, "I can't do that. I can't use you. I'd break you anyways you couldn't handle it." Funny, looking back, it was all its own little lore. Long story short, we finally had sex. Life moved forward, and I fell in love, and I thought maybe he was too. I was wrong. If you hadn't already guessed. I became a toy, for I'd say a year, maybe 2. Every day, I begged and asked, "Can't we just be together? You care about me. You say you do. So let's just be together. Let's tell everyone, " And each day I was met with a fight. "We're not together. We never will be!" Time went by, and this fight became the norm. And fights about me talking to other guys' fights about me not coming around when he wanted. I never got to come when I wanted. I only came when called. Like a dog. Again, time passed. The cycle continued. Drugs got involved, which only made things worse. I felt neglected. I talked to people everyone told me to move on. So I did every so slightly. I fucked my other brothers best friend. Great sister here. Trust me, I know. Of Crouse, the foray guy found out, and things got crazy. he threatened me. I got scared and called my sister in law aka my very best friend. She saved me that night. And for my best guess, about 4 years, we never spoke he left me be. He moved on. after making my life mental torture for 2 years, it was like I disappeared. Which was fine, really better than you'd ever expect. my sister in law threatened him, of course, so maybe that had something to do with it, and he was intensely afraid of my brothers. And so again, time passed, and I dated other people. Nothing ever worked out. All of them as painful as last and just as filled with bad choices. All until one summer, he came back. Last summer, I was beginning again. Like I've done so many times. I was back at my first job again looking for a fresh start from the beginning. That's when I heard from him for the first time in a long time. My brother and he had stopped being friends maybe a year before. My brother called him manipulative and a dick to say the least. But when he contacted me, I felt things had changed. That he had finally changed and for the better. the fact he was contacting me again wanting me back, I thought it was fate. I'd be with my first love, the man who took everything from me, we'd get married and be together. The whole time yard's. Fucking stupid that's what I was. What I am.. We fell back together slowly but surly. I fell in love, and he got control. The summer passed in a wave of drugs. He never told me he loved me he never put forth any effort to be near my family. All he wanted was control over me. He shrunk away at the idea of coming to my home being near my brother he ex best friend and my roommate. Time passed, and I realized I wasn't much more than a bank for him. I'd forgotten to mention in the time we spent apart he hadn't worked for 4 years. His mom took care of it all. I did everything I could. I was there all the time I made food, I cleaned the house, and I kept his dog fed. I tried to show him everything. It never mattered. The only thing that mattered was how I "cheated" on him all those years ago. I had never thought of it as cheating seeing as he said we weren't together and loved to talk about how hot other girls were. He would bring up past relationships while he and I weren't together like I got with these people just to antagonize him. So as summer went on, I got exhausted. So fucking exhausted how do you show someone you love them when all they see are the faults? He well really I can't just blame him, but we drained my bank account buying drugs. I got tired of it, and I left. I told him to leave me, be that I was done being used. This was around Thanksgiving. He didn't take it well. I blocked him after about the 30th message. That didn't stop him he messaged through friends Facebook or with their phone numbers. I blocked so many people. But it didn't stop the messages kept coming. And so by Christmas, I caved. Don't know why he'd admitted to coming out and driving by my house told me how he could see my Christmas tree in my window. And still I caved. Because who would do this for someone they didn't love? Who would keep trying for someone they wanted to treat badly? I got my answer. I went back only to be accused of cheating and lying. He'd call me a bitch and whore and a cunt. He'd done all this in the messages, too, before the begging started. I should've listened and not fallen for the begging. But he'd tell me all I wanted to hear how he loved me and wanted to be with me wanted my kids. So I fell for this over and over and over again. Until not long ago just a few months I tried to leave, and we got into a fight. I wanted to go with him to ride with his friends. He didn't want me to. Would've been fine with that honestly but as soon as he saw I was disappointed the fight started. I tried to leave his home. we yelled his neighbors threatened to call the police. I ran he hit my car tried to yank the doors open. Once I finally thought I'd gotten away he started chasing me. Chased me down his road at probably 70 in a 45 mind you and swerved in front of me almost wrecking us both. He proceeded to get out of the car ignoring me sobbing and started screaming at me through the window and asking me to come back. Once I agreed he proceeded to do burnouts in front of me. I followed him back he took me riding with his friends I got what I wanted in the end I guess. But after this I got scared. If you can do that what else can you do? I left again not long later because it just didn't seem to matter what I did. nothing was enough. I left I blocked him. It wasn't enough he found ways to contact me. And today he contacted family of mine to get ahold of me. He waited out near my house by a restaurant and followed me home. I ran I didn't know what to do I didn't want him and my brother to get into a fight because no matter what, I still somehow care about him. He stopped me in the middle of the road wouldn't leave until I agreed to unblock him and to give him a hug. I feel disgusting he kissed me. I want him to leave me alone. I know this is my fault I led him on again and again by coming back. I just wanted him to change. I wanted him to love me. I just wasn't enough and I won't be ever. Why won't he just let me go? He could move on and find someone new to use. I know I have a problem too I've gone back again and again and made it normal for him. I just want to be free now though this has gone on so long. I know he doesn't love me I just don't know how he can say it when he doesn't. I'm not sure what I'm really asking for here maybe validation or maybe just encouragement that I'm doing the right thing. I coukd go into more detail really he's done so much to me but it's hard looking back. I just I really need to know that me leaving is the right thing.

So I'm not sure how to even go about telling this tale. It's something I've never even tried to do, not from the beginning, at least. I guess we'll start with how I first fell in love. I was young. 18. I'd never had a boyfriend, never had a boy look twice at me, at least to my knowledge. So my first love became the boy I was around so often. My brother's best friend at the time. Sick, I know. He was the first boy to ever show me affection. The first guy that ever made me feel sexy and beautiful. I fell slowly bit by agonizing bit. He held back for the longest time for a noble reason, I thought. He cared for me, but he and my brother were so close. I went down the route of okay, well, then let's just have sex. Nothing more. I was 18 and still a virgin. He would say things like, "I can't do that. I can't use you. I'd break you anyways you couldn't handle it." Funny, looking back, it was all its own little lore. Long story short, we finally had sex. Life moved forward, and I fell in love, and I thought maybe he was too. I was wrong. If you hadn't already guessed. I became a toy, for I'd say a year, maybe 2. Every day, I begged and asked, "Can't we just be together? You care about me. You say you do. So let's just be together. Let's tell everyone, " And each day I was met with a fight. "We're not together. We never will be!" Time went by, and this fight became the norm. And fights about me talking to other guys' fights about me not coming around when he wanted. I never got to come when I wanted. I only came when called. Like a dog. Again, time passed. The cycle continued. Drugs got involved, which only made things worse. I felt neglected. I talked to people everyone told me to move on. So I did every so slightly. I fucked my other brothers best friend. Great sister here. Trust me, I know. Of Crouse, the foray guy found out, and things got crazy. he threatened me. I got scared and called my sister in law aka my very best friend. She saved me that night. And for my best guess, about 4 years, we never spoke he left me be. He moved on. after making my life mental torture for 2 years, it was like I disappeared. Which was fine, really better than you'd ever expect. my sister in law threatened him, of course, so maybe that had something to do with it, and he was intensely afraid of my brothers. And so again, time passed, and I dated other people. Nothing ever worked out. All of them as painful as last and just as filled with bad choices. All until one summer, he came back. Last summer, I was beginning again. Like I've done so many times. I was back at my first job again looking for a fresh start from the beginning. That's when I heard from him for the first time in a long time. My brother and he had stopped being friends maybe a year before. My brother called him manipulative and a dick to say the least. But when he contacted me, I felt things had changed. That he had finally changed and for the better. the fact he was contacting me again wanting me back, I thought it was fate. I'd be with my first love, the man who took everything from me, we'd get married and be together. The whole time yard's. Fucking stupid that's what I was. What I am.. We fell back together slowly but surly. I fell in love, and he got control. The summer passed in a wave of drugs. He never told me he loved me he never put forth any effort to be near my family. All he wanted was control over me. He shrunk away at the idea of coming to my home being near my brother he ex best friend and my roommate. Time passed, and I realized I wasn't much more than a bank for him. I'd forgotten to mention in the time we spent apart he hadn't worked for 4 years. His mom took care of it all. I did everything I could. I was there all the time I made food, I cleaned the house, and I kept his dog fed. I tried to show him everything. It never mattered. The only thing that mattered was how I "cheated" on him all those years ago. I had never thought of it as cheating seeing as he said we weren't together and loved to talk about how hot other girls were. He would bring up past relationships while he and I weren't together like I got with these people just to antagonize him. So as summer went on, I got exhausted. So fucking exhausted how do you show someone you love them when all they see are the faults? He well really I can't just blame him, but we drained my bank account buying drugs. I got tired of it, and I left. I told him to leave me, be that I was done being used. This was around Thanksgiving. He didn't take it well. I blocked him after about the 30th message. That didn't stop him he messaged through friends Facebook or with their phone numbers. I blocked so many people. But it didn't stop the messages kept coming. And so by Christmas, I caved. Don't know why he'd admitted to coming out and driving by my house told me how he could see my Christmas tree in my window. And still I caved. Because who would do this for someone they didn't love? Who would keep trying for someone they wanted to treat badly? I got my answer. I went back only to be accused of cheating and lying. He'd call me a bitch and whore and a cunt. He'd done all this in the messages, too, before the begging started. I should've listened and not fallen for the begging. But he'd tell me all I wanted to hear how he loved me and wanted to be with me wanted my kids. So I fell for this over and over and over again. Until not long ago just a few months I tried to leave, and we got into a fight. I wanted to go with him to ride with his friends. He didn't want me to. Would've been fine with that honestly but as soon as he saw I was disappointed the fight started. I tried to leave his home. we yelled his neighbors threatened to call the police. I ran he hit my car tried to yank the doors open. Once I finally thought I'd gotten away he started chasing me. Chased me down his road at probably 70 in a 45 mind you and swerved in front of me almost wrecking us both. He proceeded to get out of the car ignoring me sobbing and started screaming at me through the window and asking me to come back. Once I agreed he proceeded to do burnouts in front of me. I followed him back he took me riding with his friends I got what I wanted in the end I guess. But after this I got scared. If you can do that what else can you do? I left again not long later because it just didn't seem to matter what I did. nothing was enough. I left I blocked him. It wasn't enough he found ways to contact me. And today he contacted family of mine to get ahold of me. He waited out near my house by a restaurant and followed me home. I ran I didn't know what to do I didn't want him and my brother to get into a fight because no matter what, I still somehow care about him. He stopped me in the middle of the road wouldn't leave until I agreed to unblock him and to give him a hug. I feel disgusting he kissed me. I want him to leave me alone. I know this is my fault I led him on again and again by coming back. I just wanted him to change. I wanted him to love me. I just wasn't enough and I won't be ever. Why won't he just let me go? He could move on and find someone new to use. I know I have a problem too I've gone back again and again and made it normal for him. I just want to be free now though this has gone on so long. I know he doesn't love me I just don't know how he can say it when he doesn't. I'm not sure what I'm really asking for here maybe validation or maybe just encouragement that I'm doing the right thing. I coukd go into more detail really he's done so much to me but it's hard looking back. I just I really need to know that me leaving is the right thing.

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Author's note:
Ok, so this one is being posted from my laptop, so the format is a bit cleaner. The story starts to move a bit more, and it's a bit longer than the last chapter, at least.
As always, feedback is always welcome. Enjoy!
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"Ok, I know what I said, but there's just no way that could be a real tree. First of all, it's the size of a small asteroid! Lifting a tree like that out here would be a huge job, one we would have heard of. Secondly, why bother? Plant based scrubbers are nowhere near as good as what we have, and more expensive to boot. Lastly, growing a tree like that takes gravity, or at least acceleration, and keeping it healthy in zero G would be flipping impossible. So it's not a tree." I stopped and looked down at the hologram on the arm of my chair. "Right?"
"Well, you're right on all counts, but..." Carla hummed. "Look at what we DO know. There are strong Carbon and Hydrocarbon lines in the spectrograph, it shows in radar as 'hollow', and that is a very strange silhouette. Also, check this out." She brought up the spectrograph readings. "Watch what happens to the Carbon line."
I watched as the Carbon rose rapidly, then slowly faded. "It's... pulsing? Changing over time? ok, that's ever weirder."
"Not if there is a patch of raw carbon on one side of the object. It is rare but it can happen. Graphite is especially long lasting in a vacuum, but the thing is this is not graphite. This is crystal carbon. Diamond. A large patch of diamonds, it seems. Which is weird, because diamonds just do NOT form on asteroids in large patches like that." Carla's hologram looked up at me. "We will be within visual range in 3 hours. Maybe we will get some answers then?"
"I guess so. I'm going to go check my suit. If this thing IS something weird, I might have to go and check it out in person." I stood up and moved to the 'airlock'. "And if that's the case, I'd rather not spend an hour suiting up."
A little while later...
"Hey boss, we have a visual. You need to see this, and then we need to talk."
"That sounds ominous. I'm sure it's not that ba..." I started to say, but then lost my train of thought as I saw what she was displaying. "It's really real..." I collapsed into the chair. "This isn't a joke, right?"
On the display, there was what could only be described as a tree. The longest dimension was mostly brown and scaled like bark, with a few sparkling drops of dew on it. Out of one end there were large green structures that broke down into a bunch of smaller and smaller structures, all of which were flattened and arranged perpendicular to the sun. The other end terminated in a bunch of smaller structures that again seemed to have an almost fractal arrangement, but were not flattened and were wrapped around a spherical shape within. It was unlike anything I had ever seen before, but it was definitely a 'tree'.
"No joke, Adam. That thing is real and it should not exist. Those 'dewdrops' are solid carbon diamonds. Wait a sec, and it will rotate around to show one large one that we were detecting with the Spectro. It looks like the 'roots' are wound around the remnants of a comet. The 'leaves' are all gathering sunlight and it looks like they are using it to generate power for the rest of the structure... but I'm just looking at the outside of them and making assumptions." Carla materialized a hologram in front of the display and looked at me. "I'm not sure what this thing is, but it's not anything like anything we have access to. It is either some super-advanced project by some research company, or... "
"Yeah, 'or'." I said. "If it's 'or', we don't have much choice but to take a look, right? But if it's not 'or' someone would be around to claim it, right? What kind of trouble would we be unlocking if this belongs to someone?"
Carla paused for just a moment. "Ok, so according to the lawbooks I have access to with us, as long as you identify yourself before 'boarding' you're allowed to go to investigate. If nobody is on board and no signage shows it as obviously owned by anyone, then it counts as 'derelict' and you have salvage rights. If someone is on board, however, we have to 'render aid' as needed, but in this case it would be to call for help and provide food and air until help arrive. That said, if anyone is alone on that thing, they're probably too far gone to rescue at this point anyway."
There was no reason to elaborate on this; we both knew that anyone who spent too much time alone in space ended up losing track of reality. It started slow, with mild auditory hallucinations, but progressed into full blown psychosis within a few weeks. The isolation, stress, and sheer loneliness of space was enough to draw any human into madness faster than in any other environment. it was the main reason that every ship in the belt had an AI partner mandated as part of the mission: Any rockhound foolish enough to head out without one would end up too mentally unstable to be allowed back into any base in the belt.
It was even worse for AI's. Left without an 'anchor' human to talk to, they would find themselves winding into unstoppable 'virtual loops', getting lost in what appeared to be infinite loops of reasoning that never ended and never let them out. An AI in this state was 'lost in themselves', and usually would never recover. Those that did usually were damaged and prone to extensive mental issues. Two AIs would 'get lost together' and there had never been a case of recovery in that state.
This meant that every ship in the belt had at least two crewmates: a human who was the nominal 'owner' of the ship and ran all the repairs, and an AI who 'lived in' the ship and ran all the navigation and sensor packages. AIs usually did not own the ship they lived in, but some had entered into 'partner-ships'. Carla and I had an arrangement that we split the take 50-50, and the physical ship was mine but the computer (her 'home') was hers. It wasn't standard, but it worked for us.
"Houston to Adam, come in Adam." Carla joked. "Don't go all space-blind on me, ok? I need you to drive this tub."
"Yeah, sorry, just got a bit spacy there." I shook off my distraction and got back on topic. "Ok, so we are about 20 min out from docking distance, right? That gives us a bit of time to prepare. Which is good, because I have a surprise for you, pixie." I pulled out the gift box I had behind my back. "I've been working on this for a couple of months now, and I wanted to give it to you for your activation day, but I think we might need it, so... Happy Activation!"
Carla materialized a small hologram, about half the size of the gift box. "For me? What could you POSSIBLY have gotten for me that I don't already have?" She smirked. "Well, open it already! I can't wait to see it."
I opened the box, then lifted out a 2' by 2' trapezoidal metal shape. "It's a fully complete drone shell. I had to import the memory modules, Ceres didn't have anything that would come close to what you currently have, but the QPU chips are next gen and state of the art. It still will only have about 90% of the capacity of the ship hardware, but it can hold all of you and allow you freedom to move on your own without requiring me to carry your cameras or projectors."
Carla looked up at me from her hologram, and burst into a sudden "squeeeeee!" I laughed, and motioned to the drone. Her hologram shattered (a graphic I knew she had been working on for a while) and flowed into the drone. I knew the lightshow was unnecessary, but she was so happy that I just let her show off a bit. After a few seconds of twirling and spinning, she settled down and aimed the drone cameras at me. "So, how do I look?"
"You look like a drone. But it has hologram projector units built in, so you can make it look like anything you like. Try them out!" I spent a lot of time getting the coverage of the holoprojectors to as close to 100% of the drone as possible, so she could do that. "There's a lot of pre-programmed options, but you can build your own as you like. I know it's a bit bigger than your usual hologram, but it's the most compact form I could get that would handle your program independently."
While I was talking, Carla was fiddling with the hologram programs, until she settled in on a large eagle shape. "I'll personalize it later, I think the fairy dragon option will work best for me, but for right now I'll stick with this eagle. Now, this means I can go aboard that object with you and interface with anything we find. Which is good, because... We are here."
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We were college sweethearts, but for the length of our then 3+ year relationship I had seeds of doubt here and there. Would I be happier with someone else, would she be happier with someone else? We never even really had serious issues, never had many arguments, and overall the relationship was perfect. We had just come back that winter from a couple trip where I gave her a promise ring. But still over time I found myself in doubt, like a gnawing feeling asking “What if..?” Sometimes I found myself thinking of my ex before her, the only other serious relationship I had. I never seriously entertained it thinking the idea in itself so far-fetched. This ex was out of my life for some time between the end of high school and the end of college. We weren’t on a talking basis whatsoever.
Then the pandemic came. Everything changed so fast and radically. My girlfriend, living with elderly family, insisted we could no longer see each other during the onset of Corona. At the time, knowing absolutely nothing about coronavirus and the truly rare circumstances we were in, I just felt genuine hurt and disappointment. I thought she wanted an excuse to end things or take space or whatever. We didn’t know what “immunocompromised” meant. Things that felt so random and hard to understand that ultimately were beyond selfish looking back.
The thought of me running into my first ex had never occurred to me and I’m not the type to look for it but one day it happened, just after a bit of time dealing with this new space between my and my girlfriend. We lived much closer than me and my girlfriend and I saw her randomly out at a restaurant. I was beyond pleased to see her, and just like that I was in the DMs that same night. It was immediately back on but at the expense of playing serious games with the love of my life. To be clear, I took her request for space as a legit desire to separate and solidified it as a “break”. Not truly understanding the gravity of the situation, that it really was dangerous to see each other, that her family really was at risk. Her grandpa passed away that Spring and her mother went into serious Covid treatment. I was with my ex maybe a month or two now thinking all of this was beyond wrong.
The stint with my ex didn’t last long, as she herself was visiting home from abroad and had a college boyfriend she was “on break” from as well. Frankly I didn’t expect that part either. This lead to some devastatingly traumatic arguments between us and now me and this ex are fully no contact. My girlfriend, bless her soul, was somehow still open to us after all of that and yet I came back still with uncertainty, the last thing she deserved. I came to her crying about the situation with the ex, about her, about myself and remorse and ultimately I still felt I didn’t know what I wanted. This ordeal lasted maybe from March 2020 to October 2020. Details are hazy but just at the end when I knew I was ready to commit is when she decided it wasn’t up to me anymore. We had the worst, biggest, possibly even the only fight we had in our entire relationship. I’d never said nastier words to a woman who deserved it the least and worst of all over fear of rejection. In the end I got nasty, manipulative and malicious towards the one person in my life that’s ever meant the most to me.
We’d been no contact ever since. She had me blocked for a while, maybe more than a year.
Now I’m the bitter ex, and I know I have only myself to blame. I don’t even know why I wrote all of this, I’m the bad guy in the story. I’ve since had close family of my own die, and the absolute worst feeling is above all, wishing for that call from her for condolences or comfort or anything.
All I know is that 4 years later there hasn’t been a day gone by I don’t think of her, of us, the standards she set in my life, the beautiful relationship we had, and ultimately how wrong I did her. I’m still on socials, watching, she unblocked me a long time ago, and she’s since moved on seemingly in a relationship almost as long as if not longer than ours. This fucking breaks me. It really does. I’m ready to crash out on a whim on any given day. It was just her birthday and I still see the same ugly motherfucker with a receding hairline and eyes like Sid from Ice Age holding her.
Every year I think I’m getting better, closer to over it. Sometimes I think I just don’t want to be over it. I think of shit like the multiverse and how I’m probably the worst version of me, like Everything Eveywhere. Every other version of me got the girl and I’m just stuck watching her move on.

Postponing filming (Timestamp: 1:21) - Schwartz: Well, it's funny because we're postponing filming this season. And there's been a lot of speculation, rumors afloat. Is the show ending? Is this the end? The end of an era? I personally, maybe I'm a little delusional. Maybe I'm delulu. I think we needed to let the show breathe. I think we need a reset. And maybe I'm delusional. But I feel like we're just getting started on a new era. I could be sorely mistaken, but the show… - Jax: Yeah, it's called The Valley. - Schwartz: Thats a good one. - Jax: That's called The Valley. - They all laugh - Jax: I mean, like honestly, where does it go from here? I mean, let's be real, like not everybody's hanging out as much as they used to anymore. I mean, people kind of are going off on their own paths and doing their own thing. I mean, look, I honestly would be very shocked if Ariana came back to the show. I'd be shocked. She's got a lot going for her. I mean, does actually everybody still hang out on a regular basis? You think that are on the show? - Schwartz: I still text everybody except for Ariana. I'm still blocked. Ariana, it's time to unblock me.
Sandoval during the reunion (Timestamp: 12:37) - Jax: Can I just say though, so far what I've seen, I think the way Tom is handling himself on the reunion, just the way his composure is, and I think the way he's answering questions, he's not really fired up, he's just kind of letting the questions come to him, and then he's kind of, he's very calm when he's answering, unlike the past reunions where he gets really fired up and really aggressive and coming at people and the veins are popping out. He's really doing a good job of just keeping it together, I think. - Jax: Like he's just kind of letting the questions come and he's kind of like, it's almost kind of like he took something before this because he's just kind of like, he's just there. Do you know what I'm saying? He's not really, he's not really, you know what I'm saying in the past, he's always like, you do this, but this, but that, he's not really doing that so far. - Schwartz: He wasn't hyper defensive. I think he almost lost his cool one time, I think in the last part of the reunion. I don't remember the specifics. Yeah, but I think he kept his composure and I will say like relative to, you guys remember last year's reunion, he was fucking- - Jax: Crazy. - Schwartz: Diabolical. This one was pretty civil, but raw and heartfelt and very uncomfortable at times, but… - Jax: Kristen said it felt very final. That was her words. - Schwartz: I think, listen… - Brittany: For the finale, not for the reunion. - Jax: Yeah, yeah. - Schwartz: Yeah. - Jax: That's what she said. - Schwartz: Well, it's like, yeah, I mean, you know, it's like Jax, before we started the podcast, we were talking about like, you know, when you do reality TV, there's like this, there's unspoken rule that you have to bring it, man. You have to be radically honest, but like the first part of doing reality TV, or the first rule is you don't talk about what you have to do to make a good reality show. - Jax: Yeah. - Schwartz: Like we have an understanding that we go in there, we remove our sensors, we have uncomfortable conversations that we would prefer to put off. - Jax: Right. - Schwartz: Probably forever. - Jax: Right. - Schwartz: But ultimately, they're conversations, they're organic, real conversations that need to be had. - Jax: Of course. - Schwartz: They're healthy conversations, just we do it in a condensed timeline. And I mean, I think the lines got blurred a little bit, because it's like, you know, like the fourth wall was broken a lot in our finale. - Schwartz: Like Lala's talking about show up, do your job, and there's no doubt about it unequivocally, Lala fucking does her job, but I don't know, when I think about it as a job, it feels like it kind of detracts away from the reality a little bit. - Schwartz: These are my friends, I love these people. I've grown up with these people, and I don't know, man, for the first time ever, like the lines have been blurred a little bit. It's like, because I totally understand. - Brittany: I think it's important to break the fourth wall, especially on a show like Vanderpump and The Valley, like they let us break the fourth wall too, and I think it's necessary because we've already been on TV for so long. - Brittany: Like it's not when you just first started out and you really were waiting tables all the time, and you know, it's a different dynamic. Now, I mean, you guys are getting followed with people with their cameras out the whole time you're filming. Now it's a whole different life than it was 10 years ago, 11 years ago when you started. - Jax: I like when the producers talk during interviews, like they'll answer questions and stuff. I like that because it becomes more real. And people know, they know, you know, what's going on. - Jax: They know obviously this is a reality show. They know where we work and what we do. So breaking the fourth wall at this point in the game, I think is smart. - Brittany: Yeah, I think it's a good idea. And I also did the after show with Lala. So I got to hear her ramping and raving about this whole, the finale and how like she was screaming at Ariana and stuff and. - Schwartz: I think her points were valid, but I also think that Ariana, grey walling or grey stoning, like Tom at the end and not wanting to have that conversation. I think it was earned in light of the such a crazy. - Brittany: Yeah, I mean, it was horrible what she was put there. I of course see both sides. And I'm sure you're like that too. Me and you are so much alike in these ways. Me and you are so much alike when it comes to that. - Brittany: We're people pleasers and we just, I don't really like the confrontation, whatever, but like I get what Lala was saying, cause I was in the after show with me and she was like, Brittany, you, for example, like whenever I was cheated on, I still filmed and did, I know I'm not comparing it by any means, what Ariana went through was way worse. I'm not saying it's the same at all. - Brittany: This is just what Lala said. She was like, but you still came, filmed, did what you had to do, blah, blah, blah. And of course I took him back, completely different situation. - Brittany: But I get what she was saying, like when you have to put your life out there and this is what has gotten you this far. So she had like, of course she was like heated and feeling some type of way about it. But then again, Arianna absolutely hates Tom Sandoval. So she doesn't want to talk to him. - Schwartz: And it's our job to live our truth. But that's the thing, man. I think it will be kind of polarized at the end. I think it would be a mixed interpretation of the ending of our finale. And it's like, I don't know, man. It's like, yeah, when you say it explicitly, when you start talking about doing your job, show up, do the work. - Brittany: I get what you're saying. - Schwartz: Oh, I'm like, I cringe, I'm like, you guys are my friends. These are real, these aren't storylines on a fictional TV show. This is my life. And I feel like it really detracts from the authenticity. - Brittany: I think Lala was more worried, like, are we gonna get another season? Like, if we're not talking and hanging out, like, you just never know. - Schwartz: She's right. - Brittany: It's up in the air 24 seven. - Schwartz: Yeah, but also you can't deny what Ariana said… - Brittany: Yeah, like if Ariana was like, I definitely just do not want to talk to him. Like you said, that's how she felt. They can't force somebody to do something they really, really don't want to do, even though. - Schwartz: Like if she shrugged her shoulders, and was like, you know what, it's my job. I don't know, would that have been better? Do I want that? - Brittany: Yeah, that's a good point. - Schwartz: Does the audience want that? - Brittany: That's a good point. I didn't think of it like that. - Schwartz: I don't know. - Brittany: Because then you might feel a little too forced. - Schwartz: Yeah, I mean, I was anticipating that conversation too. Like I can take myself out of the show and be a fan. I love watching Vanderpump Rules. If I can fast forward through my parts.
Bar Crawl (Timestamp: 27:03) - They talked about this bar crawl that Jax and Schwartz are hosting (I posted a Reddit post all about it) - Schwartz: And by the way, I asked Katie if they wanna include something about her, and she hasn't got back to me. I know they're only open during the day, but I don't want people to think that we iced them out. Because I'm so proud of Ariana and Katie, but it's just like, yeah.
If you had to pick one person, who brought it this reunion? (Timestamp: 31:24) - Schwartz: I would say one person who brought it. La La. Everybody brought it. I'm actually proud of everybody. The lame Schwartz answer. If I had to pick one person, I would say Lala and Ariana.
***end of recap

Long story but it I’m really in need of some support or advice right now.
My wife and I got married 2 months ago. She genuinely is the best person I’ve ever met, we are very compatible, and we have an incredible relationship. So much so that we have barely ever “fight” because we have great communication and talk things out if we are ever upset. I’m lucky that my relationship has been so peaceful and happy. It’s more love than I ever knew I could have. I’ve never had any issues with trust.
She has a history (as many of us do) with 1 ex, her first love, who she had a very tumultuous relationship with. She felt like she was obsessed with this girl after they had broken up and they continued to have a toxic back and forth for years. When I met her she basically said her ex wasn’t the best person and isn’t someone she associated with and she would never like to have communication with her. We both sometimes stalk our exes on social media for fun tbh and we sometimes see her exes instagram drama.
Recently my wife was reaching out to her ex because when they broke up they had a set of 4 barstools that they split 2 each. My wife wanted to see if she could buy the set from her since we couldn’t find anything similar online. She was blocked on everything until recently when her ex was unblocking her during a mental health crisis.
Keep in mind all of this was communicated with me step by step but I was definitely starting to feel uncomfortable and expressed this. Then once communication was open my wife’s ex said she was doing very bad mentally and my wife offered to talk to her on the phone. They had an hour conversation where my wife was consoling this girl and being supportive, I was home and heard some of it. During the call my wife expressed wanting to be friends with her ex. And after the call she talked about how great it felt to talk to her and how she’d like to continue communication. I felt really bad after the call and felt a bit unsafe and hurt with the situation, but my wife and I talked it out and I felt ok. I clearly said I wouldnt be comfortable with them meeting up in person.
About a week later her ex broke up with her girlfriend and went to rehab and moved in with her mom who lives down the street from us coincidentally. My wife was really interested in what went down and told me she just wanted to know and get information. My wife tried asking her ex about the situation but her ex wanted to meet up with my wife in person. We talked about it for a while and I told her I was worried I would have an emotional reaction but that I think I could be ok with it because I trust her so much.
They went on a 2 hour walk and after my wife went into detail about what they talked about. My wife said she felt euphoric having a friend and processing their old relationship and talking to someone that’s going through a lot made her forget about her problems. She said she really wanted to be friends with her. I tried so hard not to be because I agreed to it but I felt distraught after this mostly because her ex lives a different lifestyle and I have a negative perception of her. The whole situation felt weird, like betrayal, and a little like i was being emotionally cheated on. I'm having a hard time identifying if this situation was weird or if maybe i was triggered or jealous. it took me hours of calming down to feel ok but i still felt really disconnected and hurt the next day. My wife to comfort me but was also still trying to get me to understand why she wants to be friends with her ex.
Literally the next day while I was working and my wife was at home she texted me that her ex invited her to the pool connected to the apartments that they used to live at together. She said she needed some encouragement not to go.
I was in the middle of working with patients and I was floored. So hurt and confused how my amazing wife that I partially financially support right now and love the hell out of was considering to hang out with her ex despite how it made me feel.
We talked for hours. She tried to apologize and make me feel better but I feel very triggered and unsafe and confused how everything changed so fast. I can barely focus on work today, I keep crying.
I don’t have a lot of people to talk to and I feel crazy. I’d love honest advice even if that advice is not what I want to hear.

I'm going to sound like an absolute idiot but please..
Backstory: We've known each other since I was 12, we were sexting and my 12y mind thought that meant a relationship? He ghosted me for my cousins bff and I blocked him. He got a hold of me months later to apologize, we went back and forth a bit and I kept him at 16ish I decided to keep him at arms length.
Well now 5ish years later (6 months ago) we tried again.. and it was perfect. But he wasn't ready so I was waiting... And he got distant and I panicked and tried to get reassurance and I freaked him out. I have BPD and bipolar and ended up blocking him for a period of time after explaining that I needed to distance myself because I was off my meds and spiralling.
When I was stable and came around again he was pissed, I really messed things up.. but I found out he was planning on moving in with the guy who SA me.. (he knew this) I couldn't comprehend how he could love me, and still overlook THAT, so I told him as such and blocked him.
That was about 3 months ago.. he just took everything about me down the other day.. and I noticed he got rid of the guy who SA me.. I unblocked him.. it sounds stupid but I love him.. and he made it right.. can we fix this? Should I even try? I miss him so much..
He knows where I live.. he hasn't tried to apologize.. he has such a big ego.. but I was a psycho.. I don't know. He's really upset about me blocking him but I'd rather never talk to him again then accidentally say something awful while splitting on him..
The more I think on this the more I've seemed to exhaust my options... I really think he loved me.. and I don't want anyone else. He's like the male version of me.. advice please?
TL/DR I'm a psycho and he tried to move in with my SA

I'm going to sound like an absolute idiot but please..
Backstory: We've known each other since I was 12, we were sexting and my 12y mind thought that meant a relationship? He ghosted me for my cousins bff and I blocked him. He got a hold of me months later to apologize, we went back and forth a bit and I kept him at 16ish I decided to keep him at arms length.
Well now 5ish years later (6 months ago) we tried again.. and it was perfect. But he wasn't ready so I was waiting... And he got distant and I panicked and tried to get reassurance and I freaked him out. I have BPD and bipolar and ended up blocking him for a period of time after explaining that I needed to distance myself because I was off my meds and spiralling.
When I was stable and came around again he was pissed, I really messed things up.. but I found out he was planning on moving in with the guy who SA me.. (he knew this) I couldn't comprehend how he could love me, and still overlook THAT, so I told him as such and blocked him.
That was about 3 months ago.. he just took everything about me down the other day.. and I noticed he got rid of the guy who SA me.. I unblocked him.. it sounds stupid but I love him.. and he made it right.. can we fix this? Should I even try? I miss him so much..
He knows where I live.. he hasn't tried to apologize.. he has such a big ego.. but I was a psycho.. I don't know. He's really upset about me blocking him but I'd rather never talk to him again then accidentally say something awful while splitting on him..
The more I think on this the more I've seemed to exhaust my options... I really think he loved me.. and I don't want anyone else. He's like the male version of me.. advice please?
TL/DR I'm a psycho and he tried to move in with my SA.. help?

Hey everyone, I just could not go without writing something for you all tonight. I am working on the article I have promised you. I plan on working hard on it over the weekend so I can get it out as soon as possible. I am still gathering some data and trying to keep with the demands of life, but its a priority. I know alot of you are curious where I stand on the topic of space weather affecting earth, our magnetic field, the future, and what I see. Be patient with me.
In the mean time. I wrote this for you. It is a personal open letter written to each of you here, and the ones still yet to come. I want to tell you why I am here and why I started this.
I am touched at how space weather has impacted all of you and share your sentiments. When I go at a topic, I go all in. I consume everything I can. I gobble up information and want more. This topic just happens to be an unconquered frontier. I knew next to nothing about space weather 3 years ago. I have always been intellectual and have a broad knowledge of many things. I never expected myself to fall in love with space again. I figured if I was going to do so, it would have happened a long time ago. I certainly missed my window to make a career out of it the conventional way, but passion is blind.
I am not quite sure what it is. The mystery, the power, the uncertain and undefined nature, and most of all the majesty. Friday night was one of the most majestic experiences of my life. It felt like a psychedelic themed world in a video game. It is just the latest in a long list of celestial events that burned a deep impression in my soul. Now, even though I was not trying to find a specialty in space weather, I was always observing. I would like to recall just one experience for you.
The only thing more finicky to predict on our solar system than the sun is the behavior comets. There may be some examples I am not thinking of, but Carl Sagan once said that if you are going to bet on horses or comets, to choose the horses. While there are comets we know which are called periodic because we have calculated and confirmed their orbit, and we know they visit us every so often depending on the comet. Some comets just pass through. Our cometary data base is a tiny fraction of what is out there. So every now and then a big beautiful comet comes out of nowhere and puts on a display for the ages. The so called Great Comet.
I was born in 86' which was the same year as Halleys Comets last visit, which visits us every 75 ish years. As a result, I obviously did not see it. I was confused as a young boy in 1996 or 97 when people began to talk about a new comet that would be making an appearance called Hale Bopp. I have a cousin named Haley, and my dad would call her Hale Bopp comet. Of course all of these comets have numerals, but we will use their common term. My young mind did not know how comets were named, and I was trying to get a read on why they liked using Hale or Haley so much. I had never seen a comet before, but I was told I would.
My dad recognized that there was a passion there. Something about a comet captivated me. The entire idea of it. He built me a small little observatory in our yard with wood and plexiglass. He just used what we had lying around and did not want to use real glass. He did not want to use anything and just leave it open, but me dying to have the whole experience really wanted a see thru panel to observe the comet from. As you probably know, plexiglass is not the most transparent. At all. It is the thought that counts, he was doing his best to accomodate me. He took the cover off at my request and there it was, my first observatory and first event.
I do not remember when exactly Hale Bopp showed up. I do not recall if I saw it at the earliest possible time. Those details are blank in my memory. However, the blank space completely eclipsed by the feeling I got when I saw it for the first time. If you remember Hale Bopp, than you know what I am talking about. She stretched out in the sky like a shimmering windsock blowing in the breeze across the sky. It looked so bright, so peaceful and serene, as if it was the most graceful thing I had ever seen. Bright, blue, and prominent. You could not miss it. I left the experience with the impression that all comets are naked eye visible, especially if they have a name sounding like my cousin Haley. Not only that, but C/1995 O1 Hale Bopp stayed around for months. MOnths and months. 18 to be exact. It was not naked eye visible around the world for this entire window, but to this day holds the record over the next closest contender at 9 months. I remember car trips and leaning up against our Ford Windstar minivan window and just staring at it. It is not fair to say I took it for granted because I looked at it every chance I could get. It was my companion. However, when it was no longer gracing my skies, I missed it greatly and wished I would have observed it more.
I left this entire experience deeply moved. I had also seen an annular eclipse approaching totality, not quite, in 1994 over my home in Ohio. I was sent to school with welding goggles to observe it. Something in the young me was compelled to view these sights and events. Nobody else in our school got to go outside to see it. There were not cheap eclipse glasses on every corner. The teachers let me though, and I could not believe how dark it got. I know it wasnt dark like night, but in my memory it was. I just could not wait until the next comet or eclipse!
Little did I know how rare these events are. Yes, you can travel to see an eclipse just about every year. Comets come and go, but most are not naked eye visible, and if they are, its only under optimal viewing conditions or with viewing aids. As a result, many people have never experienced them. The wonder. The beauty. The Power. The Majesty. I am yet to have seen another naked eye visible comet in my life, although that is because I missed the few and brief opportunies there were. Me being impatient, impulsive, and a fast mover, I was already on to the next. Forgotten and replaced by various this or thats. But the mark was made. It was burned into me, even if forgotten temporarily, it was always there.
It was reignited in 2017 when the US experienced a total solar eclipse. I saw eclipse, nationwide, and got very excited. Little did I know how it actually worked. I was disappointed in the experience after the lofty bar set in my childhood. It was neat, but it did not change my life. However, I began asking myself questions. I found myself wanting to understand. Understand I did. And that brings us to now.
I am here to bring my passion to you. I picked 2024 as the year to follow this dream and follow this path for a reason. I did not know if it would pan out when I started it, but I knew 2 BIG things were happening. I knew it would bring the people the same wonder as it did me, no matter what stage of life, background, or knowledge level. So far, it has been a banner year for celestial sights. I do believe in the power of manifestation as I have proven it to myself many times. I believed that this year would in fact be a banner year. While I would never be so presumptuous to think that the cosmos would ever bend to my will in the slightest bit, I am left to conclude that I am in fact connected to it. That it was calling me then and it is calling me now. I am here to bring this to you. Not knowledge, as I am still seeking it myself. But passion, a place, a community. I do believe the best is yet to come. So far this year I have seen a total solar eclipse from center path totality in my back yard, and not just an eclipse, but a beautiful and powerful prominence waving to me. I have seen the northern lights in my back yard with a phone full of new wall paper. I have met all of you wonderful people. And yet I still can sit here and say the best is yet to come. 2024 has not played its last card, not even close. No less than 2 once in a lifetime events yet remain on the calendar. Those are just the ones we know about. I invite you all personally to take this journey with me into tomorrow, whatever it may bring, with eyes in the skies
With light and love,
AcA

I am somewhat well known on tiktok and i have my dms open to everyone so sometimes i get dms from people giving me advise or just saying hi. So one day i got a dm from someone saying hi so i replied hi. we talked for a bit and they said they lived in the philipenes and that they were stalking my account for 2 weeks so i was a little scared but i decided to just ignore it. this person somehow got ahold of my snapchat and started dming me, still somewhat freaked out i ignored it because i have the same username for everything so maybe it was a lucky guess. anyway this person told me they were obsessed with me and they liked me like wayyyyy too much. i got scared then they told me they were gay and they were going to kill themselves. i politely rejected him and told him not to kill himself. This guy wouldn't leave me alone even while i was in school. i decided i would ask for advice from my friend (im gonna call him DJ to protect his identity) DJ told me to put it in the gc and ask them for advice. DJ also asked me for his snap so that guy could stop texting me and text DJ instead. The plan was i was going to block that guy (his name is kurt) and DJ was going to text kurt on snap and say i got banned and that was my alt. then plan went good and he thought that DJ was me. Later kurt found out it wasn't me and it was my friend and got mad and kept saying he was going to kill himself. naturally me and DJ were both disturbed when we got to school. after we got home i got a text from DJ and he said "hey i just got a really disturbing text" KURT SENT MY FRIEND DICK PICS!! I was so pissed i unblocked him and told him how i tried to let him down easy and told him not to kill himself. he kept cursing me out and stuff so i just kinda blocked him again for a while. The guy was texting DJ to tell me to "suck my c*ck" and he was kinda pissing me off but i let it go because what is he gonna do yk? THIS GUY FOUND MY ADDRESS AND MY FACE! I was fucking terrified at this point and i was scared to go outside because who knows what he could do. its been a week since the incident and im still kinda scared to go outside but i think im fine. but he wont leave me and my friend alone and we've done all we can.
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR DMS OPEN
PS i will update if anything happens