I'm the type of guy that could get a girlfriend without it being a struggle. I'm confident, good looking, and a nice personality. But since my last relationship, I haven't felt like I meet the criteria to be a good serious boyfriend to anyone. I still find many women attractive, but ultimately I haven't figured out how to let go of my ex after 2 years, and for that reason I won't allow myself to pursue or be pursued by anyone. It just wouldn't be fair to them. AMA

Hi everyone,
I'm a 22-year-old male who recently went through a breakup with my girlfriend of 3 years. She’s a year younger than me, and we graduated together. We broke up two months ago, and I’m feeling really conflicted about it.
Our relationship had become toxic, with frequent fights and both of us struggling with our own issues. I felt that we needed to address our personal problems separately. We were planning to study abroad and live together, with dreams of getting married and starting a family abroad. However, I worried that if we didn’t break up then, we’d end up trapped in an unhealthy relationship.
For the past two months, I’ve been seeing a psychologist weekly, and it’s been incredibly helpful. I’ve realized that I might have contributed to many of the issues in our relationship. It’s hard to separate what was my fault and what she needs to work on herself.
She was a wonderful person—gentle, empathetic, and truly loving. However, I was bothered by her lack of ambition, which I didn’t find attractive. My psychologist helped me see that I probably imposed my worldview on her. I expected her to follow a similar path to mine (good grades, internships, etc.), which I now realize was wrong. My well-intentioned advice likely made her feel constantly judged, affecting her self-confidence, which later became another issue in our relationship.
Reflecting on the relationship, I’ve come to understand that I took many things for granted. I could have been a better boyfriend by showing more interest in her passions and being more romantic. I can’t stop thinking that if I hadn’t imposed my ideas of success on her and had been more supportive, she might have had more self-confidence and become more ambitious by herself.
However, she did have self-confidence issues before we met, due to a toxic family environment. When we broke up, I tried to do it respectfully, explaining my reasons and ending on good terms. I asked for no contact, which she mostly respected (except for one message wishing me good luck with something important I had to do). She asked if we could set a date to possibly try again, but I said I didn’t want to make any promises because of the uncertainty and potential for more hurt.
I’ve been wanting to reach out to her to see how she’s been, but I don’t want to hurt her again. I’m still learning a lot about myself and trying to change my utilitarian view of the world, shaped by my life experiences.
We’ll both be starting the same studies abroad in a few months, so we’ll see each other again.
I don't know if this is relevant at all, but for some context, I believe in having a deep connection before any physical relationship, so I’m not interested in dating anyone else right now.
I’m conflicted because I now see her in a new light and realize I wasn’t the best boyfriend. But I’m also unsure if this newfound perspective is genuine personal growth facilitated by my sessions with the psychologist, or if it’s just regret and idealization. Additionally, I’m afraid that if we were to try again, she may not have addressed her personal issues yet.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I balance these feelings, especially considering she has her own issues to work through?
Thanks for reading, and I appreciate any advice you can offer.

So I am in a really tough spot right now, I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost 3 months now. But before we started dating, me and her were really really close friends, so close that some people even thought we were dating. We’ve been friends for a little over 2 years now, and having been her friend for that long I’ve seen her go through 2 boyfriends before me. Her last boyfriend is a friend of mine, not necessarily a close friend, but we hang out every now and then and catch up. I went out with him tonight and this was the first time I’ve seen him since him and my now girlfriend broke up, and he asked if I’ve been hanging out with anyone lately and I said my girlfriend’s name. After I gave him the answer he took a deep breath and sighed. After we were done hanging out he asked me how she was doing and I said she is doing alright and then I asked him how he was doing regarding his situation with my girlfriend and he said that he still has his ups and downs, which makes me think he still thinks about her. Now some key things about all this, he is the one who broke up with my girlfriend, my girlfriend is who made the first move in between me and her, they broke up in early January, and me and her started dating in late February. So I’m not really sure what to do, should I tell my friend that me and my girlfriend are dating, should I not tell him, should I have someone else tell him? I’m in a really tough spot because now there’s always this feeling of awkwardness when I’m with him.

I love her, care for her, more than i do for myself. We had a 9 month long distance relationship that i ended just a little over a year ago because, well, she is really socially awkward, shy, alone, naive and with self confidence issues. I love helping people a lot myself, but literally having to act like someones parent; trying to make them make any friends, giving advices about life, trying to encourage her hobbies, solving her every problem and giving her attention got tiring after time. Dont get me wrong, someone who loves anyone should provide these supports anyway, but shes like a fucking child sometimes, not to mention she takes way too much effort to perform basic tasks. Lol, i once begged her to study for her exam for 45 minutes straight (not with a demanding tone of course, rather inspiring), she went to sleep after 15 minutes of studying.
Last drop was when i finally could have time to meet her since my mothers cancer treatment took a break, she didnt want to meet with me after 2 days of meeting. Which was, okay, made me sad of course, so i decided to stay silent until she offers to meet, which never happened for the other 2 weeks . Before i left i asked her why she didnt want to meet and the reasoning was because she was shy of me acting close (i kissed her cheek basically). Which was okay, even though we are fucking 20, if she told me she was uncomfortable i would stop acting like that and maybe we could meet more before i left. I got really heartbroken on my way back home, ended the relationship, got heavily depressed.
Eventually hooked up with another girl from where i live (21f) who helped me in those hard times after a couple months, whom i also loved. But she didnt really liked me having contact with my ex, because she said she treated me bad. And i had to respect that. We had a somewhat good relationship, but my mothers cancer got worse, i had to stay in hospital with her while our university classes started, she started to act distant to me, doctors told me it was my mothers last month, and suddenly while i was at the hospital, my gf who i was together with at the time decided to left me because i got jealous after seeing a video with her, having a 'gay' friend who she met a week ago laying on her breasts.She left me and after 2 weeks my mom passed away.
Took me like 6 months to get my shit somewhat together. Then i started texting with my first ex again, explained her i never stopped caring for her, but i had to respect my partners choices at the time. She was okay with it and we started being friends again, just like in old days, and i missed her a lot. I never feel this calm with any other person i have ever met, she is really special for me, though i never want to have a romantic relationship with her.
Now recently, the boyfriend of my ex's twin, who is also my ex's best and only friend secretly told me she has a boyfriend, which i was cool about, but then he told me they meet, a lot, unlike i got to. It made me very sad, i always thought maybe she was like this to every person. But learning it isnt hurts me a lot to be honest, even if our relationship is finished. Her twin, and her best and only friend tells me, no one cares more about her than i did, that she doesnt deserve me, and i should let her go. But i cant. As i always used to say, she is like my child sometimes.
I dont know if i should let her go, and if so, how to. After we broke up i had better girlfriends, but never better friends to spend time with. She might be a terrible girlfriend, but shes a good person other than that, and whether she deserves my care or not, i worry about her.
It still hurts me what happened then, just wish she could at least say sorry for not caring about me then, then i would forgive and be friends, but i cant confront her, beacuse i am not supposed to know.

Need a help for a friend who was approached by a girl on insta and then after a period of interaction on Instagram he was invited to her girlfriend's house in Pune. She is not from Pune. They had consensual sex. Marriage was out of the question as she and he were both aware of caste differences and likely objection from Girls parents. Girls belongs to a dominant caste in Maharashtra. Fast forward girl comes to Bangalore to visit him. They have sex on multiple occasions in my friends house and she visits him on a daily basis. My friend now is in love with this girl.They go out and act as a girlfriend and boyfriend. Out of nowhere girl asks for access to insta, gmail, Facebook and reads messages as old as 10 years and then goes batshit crazy accusing him of cheating on her as this guy had asked out other girls too even she was aware that they were not gonna marry and it was casual fling. Now she is threatening to file false cases of rape and she is threatening him on daily basis also telling him that she will implicate his family too. Note: she have had past history of posting obsene content of her intimate moments with her ex bf on his Instagram. Her threats revolve around - I will get you beaten, will shame you and your family and file case of rape against him.
Please help here with what should be ideal modus operandi?

For context this all started 9 years ago I have had a lot of time to reflect on this and I guess I just want to share my story.
Back in 2014 during my (18 m) freshman year of college I met a girl (18 f) I'll call her A. She was fun and cool with lots of common interests. We were in the same clubs and I developed a crush on her. She had some emotional issues which made her drop out of school but she came back in the spring semester. Looking back on it I did a bit of "white knighting" for her to try to be there for her in order to have her like me. Eventually that summer we ended up fake dating because she wanted her parents to stop asking her if she was going to date anyone. Later that summer we made it official and actually dated. I visited her once during the summer and she visited me during the following fall semester because she decided that she wasn't going back to college, but I slowly started to feel more and more distant from her.
During my sophomore year I met another girl (19) (I'll call her B) and we started to get along. I was feeling lonely so I would invite her to watch a few shows in my dorm common room. I knew she had a boyfriend but I kinda got the feeling she didn't care about him much. At first I was trying to encourage my friends to date her, because they were single. She started to develop feelings for me and I developed feelings for her and we ended up hooking up. I felt terrible about it and the line from Hamilton "I wish I could say that was the last time, I said that last time, it became a pastime." Kept ringing in my head.
In the end A broke up with me. I assume that a friend of hers from the college told her what was happening. She never confronted me about it, she simply said we were better as friends abd ended it there. I felt like crap and wanted to end it there with B. B ended up using guilt to encourage me to date her properly after her boyfriend broke up with her.
We dated through out college, at first people were excited because they thought we were a cute couple. Then for a while my friends started asking me if I was happy in my relationship with B. I would tell then yes because I was young and stupid.
Skip to 2020 during the pandemic we were fresh out of college and living together. We would still have my 2 best friends over but didn't really talk to anyone else or go out much due to covid. She never liked me leaving the house or doing anything because of covid. She ended up making me miss my grandfather's birthday. Which should have been a sign, but I kept trying to rationalize it as her being worried about covid. My friends were still asking me if I was happy and it kept getting harder to say yes. I watched philosophytube's video "Men.Abuse.Trauma" and started tearing up and I couldn't understand why. I kept rationalizing it as "She isn't as bad as thier ex."
In December she broke up with me. I felt devastated because I kept trying to sacrifice more and more for her. I kept hoping and praying that there was something that I could do to make myself the perfect boyfriend agian.
4 years later I am only left with the quote from Romeo and Juliet "These violent delights have violent ends And in their triumph die, like fire and powder, Which as they kiss consume. The sweetest honey Is loathsome in his own deliciousness And in the taste confounds the appetite. Therefore love moderately; long love doth so; Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow."

Hi everyone, I I would like to hear this communities advice about a trouble that I’m having me and her have a long and very troubled history. There is a lot of downs in our relationship, but for a bit of context cheated on me and then a year later left me for the person cheat on me with
As I expected, that relationship was extremely abusive and she left him late last year I supported her and I helped her. She wanted to see me so I had to plan a few months in advance to go and see her where she was my exes a bit toxic so at one point, she tried to go through my phone when I visit her
She got into my phone and saw a chat with me and another person of the same sex. I presents it to her mostly straight the entire time that I knew her but when she left me, I thought I should be free and experimented only through messages my ex saw that, and now she saying she doesn’t want to be with me because it is considered gross to her that I texted another guy in a sexual manner
But my ex-girlfriend has told me the first year that I met her that she thinks that she’s bisexual or at least bi curious she has had an online relationship with a woman that she knew when she was in middle school with them she kissed a woman. She has flirted with many women before, including in two previous relationships. She has an ex-boyfriend who is pansexual
And in our conversations, she said that it was weird that I was texting a guy I bring up her ex-boyfriend. I bring up her ex-girlfriend and she says that it’s weird is because she did it when she was in her late teens, but I did it a year ago And she calls me weird for texting another guy and thinks that it’s gross that I want to still be with her even though I texted someone of the same sex
Is it just me or is she just being weird being nonsensical like I don’t know how someone can do that if they kinda went farther than what the other person did
Am I wrong?

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

My boyfriend (35M) and I (28F) have been together for 5 years. Today he told me that he asked his female friend from social media if he could jerk off to her nudes and she said yes.
To add more details, the conversation didn’t start off that way. He was telling me how she got into a fight with her ex. Then he started to tell me how they support each other emotionally which I didn’t have a problem with. Everyone needs friends and I have always trusted him to not cross any boundaries. He then proceeded to tell me about how he told her that he was sexually frustrated in our relationship. For some background I’ve been on antidepressants and birth control for the entire duration of our relationship and it has essentially killed my libido so the intimacy isn’t the same as it was in the beginning of the relationship. We discussed it and now I’m on medication to get things back to normal. I was annoyed that he would tell another woman this but again I rationalized this as everyone needs someone to talk to.
Out of curiosity I asked him how did she respond to that information. I wanted to gauge if she was a woman trying to get into the middle of my relationship or if she was being a genuine friend. She told him that it wasn’t my fault and that she hoped we could work it out. That’s when he told me that he jerked off to her nudes but asked her for consent first.
When he asked me how I felt, I told him rationally I get it but emotionally I don’t like it but the more I think about it the more pissed off I get because

1. There was no apology
2. He had enough conscience to ask her if he could use her nudes but no one considered how that would make me feel
3. He talked to her about our sexual problems before he talked to me and when we talked about it, I had to pull his feelings out of him
4. If I didn’t ask him how she responded, I don’t think he would have told me
5. He still had her nudes from when they talked romantically

I don’t really know how to navigate this one. I’ve never been the type of girlfriend who bans their partner from talking to certain people or from having female friends but they both crossed a line. I need advice on how to move forward in this situation because I’m at a lost and most of his friends are females.
TL;DR: When my boyfriend of 5 years and I were having intimacy issues, he asked his female friend if he could relieve himself to her nudes and she said yes. I don’t want to be the girlfriend that bans their partner from having female friends but he crossed the line. How should I proceed?

I(19M) and my girlfriend (19F) are in long distance relationship. It's my first relationship and I am not a good communicator but I guess I do am a good listener but not always. It's been an year with our relationship and 3 years for friendship. Whenever I talk to her I can't really keep up the conversation and always she has to talk about something or has to find anything to talk about. And I feel bad. I want to be a better communicator, I try but idk I stress out too much during talking. It's the same thing that happened with my friend in past. I feel history is repeating itself. I also feel like my life is not at all interesting and to talk about something, anything interesting should have happened but even if I chose to talk about what all I did during my day, it's nothing more than 3-4 lines. I cannot elaborate and speak about it or anything. Even with friends I find myself not talking at all and they are the ones talking about things. I can't come up with topics to talk about. I cannot crack any jokes, or roast or anything else. I fear I might make the relationship more dry in future when we meet. My life is like as if it's trying to give me a sign that it's me who is the problem and not others or her particularly. What are some tips that can help me better myself in communication. I want to be a better friend, boyfriend and a better person. Thank you in advance.

Hello INTJ I am once again back…
Mostly just a thought dump but also I am genuinely curious about your opinions about the line between a boundary and an ultimatum.
I (27 F ENTJ-A) am still in relationship limbo with someone (34 M INTJ-A). We have been seeing each other for almost 3 months. We live in different cities, though not super far away, but I would say that we would still count as medium distance. It takes about 1.5-2 hrs one way. That said, I did a little math and we have spent 45% of those three months meeting in person. The data is a bit skewed because we went on a trip to Japan about a month into seeing each other but in any case, we see each other a lot. A minimum of twice a week, with pretty equal effort of me going to his city or him coming to mine. Daily texting (not uncommon in his culture) typically each morning, throughout the work day. Phone calls 2-3 times a week. I have no doubts that we seeing each other exclusively because lmao there is literally no other time to be spent elsewhere.
We have in these three months: Met some of each other’s friends, spent 4 days abroad, he had a surgery and recovered at my house (I removed his IV for heaven’s sake lol), spent both our birthdays together, and I met his sister.
When we were in Japan, he introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend assuming I wouldn’t understand the Japanese. When discussing it later, he back tracked. He has continued to skirt defining the relationship. My feelings about this have been mixed from neutral, to relieved, to a little annoyed. I don’t think I’m very quick to develop feelings but proximity, stability, and all that jazz will do that to a person. I have checked in every few weeks to get a read on his feelings and he says we’re “still getting to know each other” and often says “/if/ we were dating” which is one thing and if this was his constant narrative I wouldn’t mind as much.
The bigger issue is if he gets a drop of alcohol in him, he talks a lot about marriage. We’re both divorcés with similar stories—we both got married very young so it’s not surprising his mind defaults to marriage. Mine does too, but I keep that fairly under wraps. He’ll say things like, “When we have a son… When you move in… Oh when you meet my mom, you should bring…” things like this. I live abroad in his country and said something about worrying about my visa extension next year on one such phone calls and he replied immediately, “Why are you worried? Don’t you think we’ll be married by then?” Which would be cute and maybe endearing if he wasn’t so adamant that we are not dating when he is sober. It’s the back and forth that bothers me more. I don’t drink much, so maybe I could just be misunderstanding, but I certainly don’t say things opposite of what I mean when I drink so the whiplash in his stances is getting to be a bit much.
He also asked me to move to his city and speaks often about how great it will be once I do. I think, if we’re dating, that makes sense because I’m a freelancer and can work from anywhere, he is tethered to his job. I have a chance to extend my lease for 3 months or move at the end of June. But… we are not dating.
Aside from the fact this may hint at a bit of a drinking problem, one’s patience tends to grow thin. I know INTJs can be slower to act, and enjoy having the chance to weigh their options, and perhaps I have a bit of that ENTJ self inflated ego but I don’t love being deliberated on. I have been patient, warm, and accommodating and while I don’t think that automatically should be rewarded with a relationship, I also worry about developing deeper feelings for someone who doesn’t have the intention of committing. Of course, the last three months has also been a significant investment of time, and money, but opening up and falling for someone isn’t easy for either of the NTJs I don’t think. I would say that I’m in the beginning stages of in love with him and I worry about letting that deepen without commitment.
On top of that, I worry that being overly accommodating will backfire. A lot of dating advice for women is to not be /too/ easy to date. While that doesn’t come naturally to me, I think it’s time to assert a boundary. We’re currently at about 75 days since we met but truly an insane amount of hours spent together, which I think is fair enough time to decide whether this is a relationship or not.
We have a date planned this week after a job interview in his city and I think I plan to approach the conversation like this:

1. “How do you define dating? Objectively.” Get a sense of what constitutes as a relationship and then compare and contrast with what we’re doing. Share my definition of dating. Try to keep the conversation open and exploratory.
   
2. Tell him that I don’t feel confident about moving to his city given the uncertainty of our relationship at the moment. Even if this conversation results in a title, I will push the move to the Fall at the earliest.
   
3. Set my timeline. If we’re not /officially/ dating by the 3 month mark, I have to take a step back. It’s not good for my self-esteem and I can’t give so much of my time without some security. I’m not sure I would stop seeing him all together but ~* girlfriend treatment *~ would have to be reduced for the sake of my own feelings. If possible, it would probably be healthiest to stop altogether.
   

Depending on his reaction, I could be flexible of course. My instinct is to want to continue dating but it does feel like a betrayal of my own standards not to assert a boundary. Does this seem unfair? Am I impatient? I married my first boyfriend at 20 and that didn’t work out the greatest obviously lol. I have since spent a year or so in the dating market so in truth, I really don’t have a lot of experience in this department. I’m genuinely curious and outside perspectives are welcome.

For context, I broke my arm badly and ended up needing surgery to repair both my humerus and my radial nerve. I lost complete use of my right hand and wrist right after my boyfriend and I used our savings to move into our new home.
My father is quite literally rich. He owns a business and makes VERY good money. He’s bought cars for his girlfriends.. his daughter in laws.. he even helps out with my brother’s BM’s rent. The hospital wanted $1500 down before I could have my surgery and I was struggling to get the money together. I could’ve taken out a loan, but my credit had actually been ruined by my dad. When he got out of jail years ago he opened tons of credit cards under my name and subsequently never paid them off.
When I asked him he kept putting it off. I begged him to call me for about a week, never did. He couldn’t talk to me when I needed it most but he was actively posting pictures of his new corvette on FB. After this I kinda just snapped, told him to eat shit. Asked why he could buy his girlfriends fancy cars but couldn’t shell out a grand to pay for a surgery that I genuinely needed and then I blocked him. He then FINALLY decided to reply by sending me a long, nasty messages via Facebook. He bad mouthed both me, my mother, and my half sisters mother. I told him he had no place to be talking bad about anyone, especially my mother, as he has walked out on every kid he’s ever had.
My mother ended up paying for my surgery, I paid her back shortly after as this all happened right before tax season started. I just pretty much gave her my tax return. I was hesitant to ask her to begin with because I always feel bad for asking her for stuff when she struggled so much as a single mother. She has a good amount of money now but I never really ask her for anything. She was actually the one who insisted I message my dad since he's always saying that he'd help if anything major were to happen.
My father has since tried to reach out, he’s apologized through alt Facebook accounts but I really want nothing to do with him. His girlfriend has even reached out pretty much shaming me calling me an asshole for ignoring him because apparently he really is genuinely upset about the whole thing. He’s had a lot of kids, I know I have brothers and sisters I’m probably never going to meet. Yet I still tried to see the best in him, I let him vent to me when he lost his dad, when he felt lonely saying that all of his kids hate him (rightfully so) and I’m the only one of his kids who would actually visit him just to visit him. I never asked for much from him growing up and the one time I genuinely needed help he flaked out. I dunno, guess I just needed to vent. I feel like I’m the asshole for asking him to help out to begin with.

MEGAN: There is no hope when Billie Elish is the voice of gen Z.
CHRIS: I like her songs. She is gifted.
MEGAN: Just Name three song that she has sung.
CHRIS: Bad guys, no times to die from James bond soundtrack, and there is this song that I watched on MTV her dancing with her girlfriends… it’s on the tip of my tongue I think it’s titled Happier than ever.
MEGAN: That’s a totally different song. The song that you are talking about is lost cause… from the album Happier than ever.
CHRIS: At least, I got the album right.
MEGAN: Okay. Give me the first two line of the lyrics from Bad guys or no times to die.
CHRIS: I am not good at lyrics. But she is talented. She has a soulful voice.
MEGAN: Her songs are depressing. I can’t listen to it while I am cooking or driving to work. I will shoot myself in the head. She is the most overrated singer in the history of music. You know, I want to play songs that make me want to sing along, dance and fall in love… not throw up. She is the voice of our generation. It tells you a lot about the direction we are going. Generation Z in America don’t know what the fuck is going on in this world. They complain too much. They are faking it like Billie Eilish.
CHRIS: I think they are lost. They just want a voice to express their pain, confusion, frustration, and sadness. That’s all.
MEGAN: I know that. But when you listen to music, you want to hear something that resonates with your soul and brings joy to your heart. For example, if you listen to Diana Rose and the Supremes’ Baby love, or come see about me and Where did our love go, you will realize that music is dead with Billie Elish whispering that she’s not happy and talking about how her boyfriend is a loser. You know, you wonder what’s happening to music nowadays. Why is so bad? Billie Eilish and Labrinth singing Never Felt So Alone. It’s a setback for Labrinth from Jealous to Never so Alone. He was our hope. We all counted on him to save music. But he has begun to whisper like Billie Eilish. Everybody is following her footstep. Music Critics are falsely saying that Billie Elish is a trailblazer. She is changing music single handedly. So far, she has received 7 Grammy awards. She is only 21. Diana Rose has never won a grammy in her life. There seems to be something fishy going on. You are not supposed to sing in your head. It’s not real music. It’s MTV. You know, they said that video killed a radio star. But video killed music all together. Thanks to MTV. We get asses, boobs, and whispers instead of real music.
CHRIS: I like MTV. I grew up watching it. It changed how we see music forever. You know, music is not music without a music video. Nobody is going to listen to it if you didn’t put out an amazing music video like Thriller by Michael Jackson. I can’t even imagine what Thriller would have sounded like on a radio. It’s the greatest music video ever made. Every time I watch it, it’s new to me.
MEGAN: I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Thriller deserve special praise. It’s one of its kind. However, music died after the introduction of MTV. At least, they don’t make it like how they used to make it in 60s’.
CHRIS: That’s the golden age of music. It can never be replicated again. But who knows? Billie Eilish might change it if she gets her act together.
MEGAN: I can listen to Vision of love, honey, and fantasy by Mariah Carey or I will always love you and I have nothing by Whitney Houston or Rolling in the deep by Adele a million times over and over. But I can’t listen to Happier than ever more than 1 time. Maybe Ocean eyes and When the party is over. They are okay. But the rest is garbage. She is nowhere near to legendry female singers like Aretha Franklin, Celine Dion, and Sinead O'Connor. You know, when you listen to Natural woman by Aretha Franklin or Celine Dion’s It's All Coming Back to Me Now or Because you loved me or nothing Compared to you by Sinead O'Connor, you get goosebumps. You are witnessing a soul exiting the human anatomy disguised in soundwave. It breezes through your skin, kiss your soul, and intertwine with your DNA before it rewrites the rhythm of your heart with a beautiful melody. You couldn’t help but cry, smile, sing, and fall in love with life whether it is wonderful or a bitch.
CHRIS: You have to give her credit the benefit of the doubt. At least, she writes her own lyrics. I mean, No disrespect to Diana Rose and Supremes, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Adele, Aretha Franklin, Celine Dion, and Sinead O'Connor. God bless her soul - Sinead O'Connor. She was an Angel disguised in fire. Her voice is from another world. When I listen to nothing compare to you, I get goosebumps, too. I have always been blown away by her voice. Don’t even get me started with Whitney Houston. She is an angel. When you listen to “I will always love you,” you know that God loves music more than he loves us. She was flawless. It should be illegal to sing like that. And Maria Carey will shatter the glass in your soul, cut your heart to millions of pieces, kiss it, and heals it without a scar. Your heart can’t help but grow wings, burst out of your chest and fly away. She is phenomenal. Celine Dian is in a different league, so was Aretha Franklin. Nobody can question their gifts. But Billie Eilish has brought hope to a lot of people
MEGAN: I feel like that you are playing the devil advocate for the sake of argument. What hope are you talking about? You haven’t even listened to a song that she sang. You watched her playing with her girlfriend in underwear. All of a sudden, you want to defend her. If you are going to defend her. Defend her from your heart. I know you can’t do it because you hate her songs, too.
CHRIS: That’s not it. Just give her a break. She has a beautiful voice. She just doesn’t want to disappoint her fans. Imagine if she sings I will always love you or vision of love. Her fans will accuse her of selling out.
MEGAN: Fuck her fans. They are fake anyway. They don’t know anything about music. She should not let them hold her back. They just want to see her wearing oversize baggies like a boy, who drops out of high school and who breaks his skating boards, and whisper like a wounded cat that got a fight with a Rottweiler and talk about fake pain, bad relationship, and girls standing up to abusive boyfriends. Even country music has more sense of humor than her.
CHRIS: I like country music.
MEGAN: Don’t get me started with country music. I don’t even know why it’s still alive. It should have died with Western movies long time ago. You know, I would rather listen to Disco and 90s’ electronic dance music than country music.
CHRIS: What’s wrong with 90s’ electronic dance music? DJs still play them at club.
MEGAN: That’s true. But you don’t want to get caught playing that shit in your car. People will look at you weird.
CHRIS: I still listen to What’s love by Hardaway and couldn’t help dancing.
MEGAN: I hear you. Life is not fair. You have songs that makes you want to dance. Before you know it, it goes out of fashion. You have country music talking about how hard they work and their wife living them for their brothers and how they just want to drink whiskey and forget about them.
CHRIS: Country music is not bad. They know how to tell stories. It’s definitely better than electronic dance music when it comes to lyrics.
MEGAN: Okay. name three countries songs and artists.
CHRIS: Dolly Parton.
MEGAN: Dolly Parton doesn’t count. She wrote I will always love you. You would not have known her if she had it written that.
CHRIS: Fair enough. I get the point. What about Garth Brooks?
MEGAN: Okay 1.
CHRIS: Carrie Underwood and Morgan Wallen.
MEGAN: Okay, name three songs.
CHRIS: Friends in low places, by Garth Brook. Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood. And Island in Stream by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers.
MEGAN: That’s not bad. I didn’t know that you were a country music fan.
CHRIS: To be honest, I am not a fan of country music. I don’t listen to country. I only know very few songs here and there and Shania Twain. But it doesn’t mean that it’s not good just because it’s not your cup of tea. In fact, country music is becoming popular. They are bringing original materials.
MEGAN: How do you know that they are bringing original materials if you have never listened to country music.
CHRIS: I just assumed that they must have brought original materials. It’s because they are dominating the chart… like Morgan Wallen. His songs are no 1.
MEGAN: What song is that?
CHRIS: I don’t know. But most of his songs are in Billboard top 10. He is bigger than Justin Bieber.
MEGAN: I used to have crush on Justin Bieber. I still listen to his song… except Peaches. I don’t know what was he thinking when sings I get my weed from California. Who care if he got it from Jamaica? The lyrics is terrible. That’s why sometimes, I hate pop songs. They talk nonsense and get away with it.
CHRIS: What kind of music do you like?
MEGAN: I like all kinds of music… except country. Pop is on the top.
CHRIS: What about Billie Eilish? You don’t like her.
MEGAN: Sometimes, I like her. She does have a unique voice. Other times, I can’t stand her when she whispers and talk nonsense. She would have been an amazing jazz singer if she just opens her mouth and sings like a regular person.
CHRIS: You don’t want Billie Eilish to limit herself with only Jazz. Let her try everything: Pop, R&B, rock, blues, jazz, indie what have you. She has a hypnotic, alluring, and haunting voice and she knows how to control the tone of her voice. But if she must limit herself, she should choose classic rock. It soothes her like ice cream melting in her mouth.
MEGAN: What kind of music do you listen to?
CHRIS: I listen all kinds of music. You know, Sexual healing by Marvin Gaye, let’s get together by Al Green, against all the odds by Phil Collins, In your eyes by Peter Gabriel, Kiss from a rose by Seal, and Earn it by Weeknd to name a few.
MEGAN: You have a beautiful taste. Sensual, seductive and erotic and romantic. But what’s your favorite lines in music.
CHRIS: It’s either the way you look tonight by Frank Sinatra. Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft
There is nothing for me but to love you
And the way you look tonight.
Or My girl by Temptations.
I've got so much honey
The bees envy me
I've got a sweeter song
Than the birds in the trees
Well, I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way
My girl, my girl, my girl
Talkin' 'bout my girl.

MEGAN: You are romantic.
CHRIS: What about you? What’s your favorite lines in music?
MEGAN: Halo by Beyonce.
Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night.
You’re the only one that I want.
Think I’m addicted to your light.

I don’t really know what to do. I think he is cheating on me. My boyfriend of over a year and a half has had a couple of incidents of talking to other girls while we have been dating. For context, we are both on the summer break in between freshman and sophomore year of college. We started dating when we were seniors in high school and I knew I would be attending a 4-year university when I graduated. His parents were advising him to attending Community College to save money, but ultimately followed me to college and we lived together in the dorms. We are looking into renting an apartment for the upcoming school year. The first time, it was right around my 19th birthday and our one year anniversary. He was texting a multitude of other girls on both Snapchat and Instagram. The messages did not consist of much, and many of the girls didn’t even respond. I don’t remember how I found out, all I know is that it crushed me. We’ve known each other our entire lives. My parents both work together with his dad and our mom’s were pregnant with us at the same time. We didn’t grow up close but we’ve known each other for a long time. We’ve had on and off crushes on each other for a while, but the timing never worked out. After I found out, it was really tough for me to get over it. I’ve been cheated on in the past and had a really hard time trusting a significant other again, all of which he knows about. The second time it happened was only a few months after the first, right at the beginning of December. I found out because he had a secret account on Snapchat that connected him through his phone number. I went through his phone, just to verify to make sure I wasn’t bringing it up without evidence. The texting, again, was over both Snapchat (on a second account) and Instagram (another secret account). The messages consisted of the same thing, with a limited response from the women. This time, he decided to text his ex-girlfriend. This one was really hard for me because he dated me very very quickly after breaking up with her (he claims she cheated on him, but I can’t know for sure because he never confirmed it from her, which was his reason for reaching out to her in the first place, for “closure”). We had a company Christmas party that we were attending together only three days after I found out (both sets of parents and the entire company that we grew up around would be there. It would have been awful explaining we had broken up). After that, he deleted all social media and I worked on building my trust back up. For 4 months it was great. We were in a super great place… until I started getting new suspicions. He downloaded Instagram about two months ago for a valid reason that I was okay with and just kept it downloaded, which I knew. About a week until we are supposed to move out of the dorms, I see him get an Instagram notification. He clicked on it, and when the app popped up, it asked if he wanted to view on his personal account. This only happens if you are logged into a different account before and it has to switch to the account of which the notification was received from. I simply took this as a red flag, and looked through his phone the next day, but didn’t find anything. Fast forward to now, only two weeks into summer break and I saw another thing that raises a red flag. He was on Instagram, and it was very clearly an empty (or maybe only one or two texts) DM of someone. I didn’t get a good look at the screen before he swiped out of it (not fast, like he was trying to hide it though). Now I’m just wondering what the hell im gonna do. We are both staying at our respective parents’ houses for the summer, so we don’t see much of each other during the week because I work 40 hour weeks and he is taking summer classes online. I trusted him enough to download his socials again, but I don’t know if I will ever get completely over this situation, even if he isn’t talking to anyone. We have our fair share of issues within our relationship, my dad and him have a slightly strained relationship, and me and my parents do NOT like his dad (but his dad doesn’t know I don’t like him). His family is wonderful, and I truly do love him, and I genuinely believe that he loves me. But my trust is so thin and I don’t know if I will ever fully trust him if he has social media. The first time I stayed with him because he was sorry and I knew that, I needed to put more effort into the relationship. The second time, I felt like I was staying more out of convenience, and told him that if this ever happened again, I will walk out without even speaking to him. I don’t know what to do. The strain that he has between himself, me, and my family is a major factor into my decisions because I am super close with my family and there have been many arguments about him between us. I don’t know if I should go through his phone to see if I’m just making a big deal out of nothing. I don’t know if I should just break up with him because I don’t trust him. I don’t know if I should confront him and see if he will come clean. I don’t know if I should just shut up because our families are so intertwined. I don’t know where I would live next year when I go back to school (my parents think it’s a bad idea to get an apartment, his parents fully support it). There are just so many factors pulling me in different directions that I don’t know how to handle it. I never told anyone about his shenanigans, so I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it either. If you were me (or have been in a similar position), let me know what you would do. We are so young, but he has told me many times that he wants to marry me, and he would today if I would let him. I’m just so upset that I thought I could trust him, and he’s broken it many times. Please help!
TL;DR; My bf (19m) and I (19f) have been together over 1.5yrs. We live together at university, but are apart for summer break. I have caught him texting other girls (not full convos, and many without response from the girls) two times, but I am starting to suspect that he is doing it again. What should I do? Try to find an opportunity to look through his phone? Just break up? We have a lot of family that know each other (our parents work together) so it would be so awkward. Confront him? Open to ideas!

Throwaway account, my friends follow my personal account, and I need some neutral opinions. I apologize in advance for my english, I'm argentinian and never actually studied the language. Plus I'm a little rusty.
So I (27M) am a bisexual guy. I discovered this in my teenage years, and I started dating this guy called Nahuel (29M) when I was sixteen. We dated for three years, but one weekend, we were visiting my parents (they were never really okay with me dating both boys and girl, but they liked Nahuel) and I found him on bed with my sister Virginia (22F). Yeah, I know, it sounds kinda cliché here, I know it seems not really possible, but I don't know what to say, cheaters are just pieces of shit. Just that. Anyway, I exploded. When he tried to come and talk to me, to ask for forgiveness I punched him several times. I'm not violent, but this situation send me to the edge. When I was done, I pushed him to bed, and I told my sister she could keep that motherfucker all to herself as she cried and screamed, and finally said that hopefully, they would both get an std. I also told her she was no longer my sister. We used to be really close. My parents sided with them, telling me I needed to accept the fact that Nahuel had chosen my sister, and that by choosing to be with a man, it was a possibility, and I needed to move on. I told them to fuck off, and I cut all of them off. That same day, I packed my bags, changed my number and never looked back. I was living in another city, and Nahuel tried several times to contact me again, but I never answer. At the end of the year, I transferred to another university and moved to the capital city, got another part time job and had to move to real small one bedroom apartment, since I had no help from my parents. I was on my own. I was really depressed for a while, real heartbroken. I felt so betrayed from so many people. I just tried to focus on university and work, but I was on a bad place. One day, one of friends forced me to go to a party, and there I met the love of my life, Olivia (27F). She was and is this beautiful charming girl with dimples and green eyes. I caught her eye, she noticed I didn't want to be there and convince me to have some fun, and with her help, I actually had a good time for the first time in a while. We were friends at first, but it quickly escalated to something else, and I fall hard for her. It was easy to open up to her, and she ended up encouraging me to go to therapy, and I was able to heal with time. It wasn't easy, but she held me when it got hard, and I don't know where I would be now if I hadn't met her. We're currently living together, she inherited some money from her dad, and along with her savings, she was able to buy an appartment last year, and I went to live with her. We're both working good jobs, and I'm planning on proposing to her this year.
The point is, I was recently contacted by Virginia. She called me and started to apologize, and I don't know why, but I didn't hung up. She said that Nahuel really messed her up, that she now realized that he groomed her, and told me he cheated on her with some guy, and she broke up with him, she's currently on therapy and dating a good guy. I just listened, and she begin to tell me she heard from a cousin that I was now dating a nice girl and living good. Virginia apologized again and asked to meet up. I responded I didn't want to see her ever again, and to not contact me. I blocked her number afterwards, and that was it.
Now, my friends are all telling me I should forgive her. They say that they understand that it was a big betrayal, but that I have to understand that she was just sixteen and Nahuel was twenty one, that she was a child and was definitly manipulated, and I know that, but for me it doesn't excuse the fact that she slept with my then boyfriend. It just doesn't. Nothing could ever excuse that. Yeah, she was groomed, she was manipulated, but sixteen is grown enough to know that sleeping with your brother's boyfriend is simply fucked up and unforgivable. But they all seem to think that I'm crazy, and I just don't know. My girlfriend is on visiting her family now, and I don't want to bother her, but damn, I just want to grab the phone and talk to her. It's what I need. But since I think it would be better to talk in person, I'm here. AITA?

This week, after our plans for a similar show got blown up twice, it's a battle of the Hong Kong action stars as Jackie Chan, Donnie Yen, and Jet Li kick bad guy faces and save the witnesses from mob bosses, corrupt cops, and influential businessmen.

• First up, Jackie Chan was so disappointed in the American film he did early that year that he made this in response, where he plays an honest Hong Kong cop who attempts to protect an informant waiting to testify in the trial of her mob boss boyfriend. Some of our links on this one are subtitled while others are dubbed, it'll come down to where you live.
  
• Then, you can disregard the "4" in the title as this is a standalone film where Hong Kong cop Donnie Yen is forced to team up with American cop Cynthia Khan on the trail of a drug syndicate.
  
• Finally, Jet Li is hired as a bodyguard to a powerful businessman's girlfriend who witnesses a murder, and starts to grow feelings for her. Keep it in your pants, Jet Li!
  

We are starting at 8:00pm Central.
All links here

• Police Story dubbed/subbed (1985 run 1:40:31) - Max, subtitled, start at 6s
  
• In the Line of Duty 4: Witness dubbed (1989 run 1:35:20)
  
• The Bodyguard from Beijing dubbed (1994 run 1:32:17)
  

Fusion Friday: your home of lazy programming!

I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (18M) for almost 2 years now. We met when we were both in high school and a friend introduced us together and eventually it became something more intimate. In some point of my life, I was kick out of my parents house and now living with him at his parents’ house, but that’s a different story. Don’t worry guys, his parents are very supportive and offered me to stay with them until me and my boyfriend find a place on our own.
Our relationship right now has been a little rocky here and there, only because I believe the honeymoon phase is over and part of that reason is because we’re living together now. I’m not saying it’s bad or toxic or whatever, we just have some disagreements and argue from time to time but nothing really major. My boyfriend is a great and mature man for his age, he’s been working hard and raising money for the both of us so he hasn’t been treating me bad at all.
But here’s the problem.. So I actually don’t have many friends anymore after high school because we eventually just drift apart, but my boyfriend on the other hand has a group of friends that he still hangs out with. And yes, I have met most of his friends and they’re really nice, most of them say hi to me when we see each other out in public. But there is this one friend who just kind of seems like they have a problem with me. Let’s call this friend, John. I met John when my boyfriend, myself, and his friend group were at the park skipping class and just playing card games together. We talked for a little bit and he seemed nice and cool so I just thought he was just simply some nice dude. But I was wrong. After i graduated, I had to look for a warehouse job because I wasn’t on my parents’ insurance anymore and I ended up working for some warehouse bakery factory. During that time I work there, I had bumped into John. We saw each other and just said “oh my god, you work here too??!” Blah, blah. So from there, I figured every time I see him, I might as well just be nice and say hi to him. John works 3rd shift while I work 2nd shift. So when leaving to go to my car, I always see him on the way and just simply wave or say hi. John only greeted me once and then never said anything back. I figured he was just grumpy because he didn’t want to go to work. But soon, he just totally ignored me in total.
Have I talked to my partner about this? Yes, yes I have. And you know what he said? He said “John doesn’t want to speak to you because he’s doing it out of respect” Respect of what exactly? It’s not like I’m trying to flirt with him or anything, I am simply trying to say hi to him. So this actually made me angry because John is an 18 year old man who can’t simply say hi to me? Sounds like someone who’s just ignorant and rude. I explain to my boyfriend and even said “baby, I bet you’re like that too. If someone comes up to you right now and asks if you have a girlfriend, you would ignore them too right?” I know, I know. Some of you girls want your man to do that. But you have to look at their perspective, they don’t know your man isn’t single, it’s better for them to say “I have a girlfriend” and most of the time they apologize and move along. And if they don’t, then your man can ignore, insult, or do whatever you want to them. But I digress, I called out my boyfriend for that and he just only said “I’ll say that next time” and he’ll talk to John about it. So I just left it like that.
Until today, I was going through my stuff while he was laying down on the bed looking for houses for us. He came across a house with 5 bedroom and jokingly said “omg baby we should have roommates” and then I said “yeah but all our roommates is gonna be boys” which he mentions “oh yeah, John, he can stay with us because he can afford it.” I look at him with the ‘are you fucking serious look?’ And mention I didn’t like John after he just straight up ignored me. My boyfriend then proceeded to tell “baby, he has money.” And that’s where he fucked up. I took that as ‘who cares about your feelings, money matters.’ So from there, I started spitting out the meanest things, like to the point where i suggested for my ex to come stay with us because he also has money too. My boyfriend is good guy and told me he didn’t mean it like that and he actually said “I’m not on John’s side at all. I think what he did was wrong and yes, he should apologize for it, I’m just trying to understand why you’re holding this grudge on him for so long?” I explain to him because it hurts me that I’m just doing something so simple and now being ignored just because I’m labeled as “the girlfriend we don’t mess with.” The reason why I want to be comfortable with his friends so that way it wouldn’t be so awkward and I have some help like figuring out my boyfriend’s birthday present. Especially John. Since he is the closest friend to my boyfriend. I’m not trying to be friends, I’m not trying to flirt with them, I just simply want the awkwardness to go away. But part of the reason, why I was arguing with my boyfriend because deep inside I told myself ‘my boyfriend is on John’s side because they’re exactly alike.’ My boyfriend eventually gave up and said “whatever, hate him all you want.” Because I just kept saying nonsense.
We made up after a little bit of silence. But for some reason, I’m still a little upset about this and is crying while typing this as we speak. But what do you guys think? Am I over exaggerating about this and should let go of my hate for John? Or should I talk to my boyfriend more about it?

Hi all! I’m 21 MtF and I saw baby reindeer a few days ago and they bring up the topic of cis people hiding trans partners due to the shame it brings to them because they feel they’ll be frowned upon for dating someone trans. This is something I’ve dealt with in many if not all of my relationships.
I feel like with parents it’s a different situation, but I feel like as a transwoman having dated both men and women I feel like I’m always kept as a secret in public or from friends, I’m never introduced as girlfriend, at the most I’ll be introduced as partner but I do feel like I’m being pushed to play the role of a boyfriend or something. I rarely got posted but when I did there wouldn’t be any indication that I was a partner? When I had dated an ex boyfriend briefly I wasn’t even regarded as a partner infront of his friends as well, I wasn’t allowed to hold hands with him in public, I’ve been kept a secret from family as well and it feels really infuriating, because sometimes I do feel like I project this on partners too because of how often I’ve dealt with it. I feel in some way shape or form all my partners are ashamed to be with me because I’m not their “ideal” partner because I’m trans.
Is this common for trans people? Please share similar stories or experiences I feel really frustrated by this, I feel like I’m always kept as a secret and I can’t do it anymore because I’ve kept myself as a secret for most of my life.

What did you not expect about relationships that you’ve learnt now having that experience? People often say relationships are hard work. In your opinion what makes them hard work?
To expand on the “I love you” question I mean did you date for several months then become boyfriend and girlfriend then after a few more months say I love you or did you say you love them around the time you asked them to be exclusive? Hopefully that made more sense.
Do you feel that eventually infidelity is a given? Is cheating truly as common as it seems?
Is the shift from boyfriend and girlfriend to married a big one or does it feel the same?
People in happy long term relationships how did you prevent the relationship from getting stale?
I know I’ve asked a lot of questions but I have so much I want to know and learn from others.
As I’ve dated but it’s always been short term I’ve never had a boyfriend, introduced someone to friends or moved in with someone so a lot of these experiences are foreign to me.

My girlfriend and I broke up about two years ago. I still miss her. She called me about a year ago and said she still loved me. I told her I felt the same. We made arrangements to see each other and then she found a new boyfriend and ghosted me. I sent her an email mentioning that I have a new girlfriend and she responded, asking how long it’s been going on for. In the time since I wrote that email, I broke up with the other girl, in part because I miss my ex.
It’s her birthday today. I tried to contact her but I’m still blocked. I’ve pretty much given up. But I’m curious as to people’s thoughts on why she responded to my email and if it means anything about a possible change in our dynamic at some point.

I fell asleep and woke up randomly thinking about my ex boyfriend that I was with until spring of last year and I checked my phone to see his mom messaged me that he passed away in a traumatic car accident. We were together for a few years and I was very close with his family, I was even in his mom’s wedding and went on vacations with his family. I’ve felt just shocked and confused all day today trying to process it. We stayed close and had friendly communication after our breakup (we wanted different things) and we only stopped talking once I started dating my current boyfriend about 5 months ago. I feel like I’m a bad girlfriend if I grieve my ex but he was a very important part of my life, treated me very very well, and I became a part of his family. I’ve just felt guilty and selfish all day.