Before I jump in, it's 4:57 am and I'm still awake. Please be kind to my poorly worded stream of consciousness. If I got something wrong or if you disagree, please let me in the comments below.
I will apologize in advance as many of these points have been brought up multiple times by other members of the community; there not entirely my own thoughts. I won't however, apologize for asking the devs again. I'm greedy. Ask and you shall receive! :]
I, once again, ask of the devs to rework the Aztecs for both playability, competitiveness, and for the experience of historical immersion.
Improvements to Historical Immersion: (skip this section if you only care about game mechanics)

1. Please correct the in-game spoken language. I know the community has been asking this for years and we will continue to ask. We just love this game too much. An immersive language experience just makes the game that much more fun. Nahuatl speakers are readily accessible both in the US and Mexico. Classical Nahuatl is a well documented and studied academic study and there are TONS of professors and students that would jump at the opportunity to bring the language to gamers everywhere. Fun fact about Nahuatl: Spanish did not become the most spoken language in Mexico until 1895, at the latest. The 1895 census showed nearly one third of all Mexicans were still monolingual Nahuatl speakers. This does not reflect the percentage of bilingual speakers. In which case, Spanish would have still not been the most widely spoken language. For context, in 1895 the first automobile patent was filed. America was producing 77% of the global oil supply. The light bulb had been invented 10 years earlier. In the next decade, we would have the first airplanes and the Model T. In the decade that followed WW1 would begin. It is still mind boggling how recent this was. Today there are still 1.5 million speakers. That's only slightly less than the entire population of Manhattan Borough, New York, New York. We can find someone to voice-over lines. I will literally pay you for another DLC. Just shush up and take my money! -phillip j fry
   
2. While it's not wrong to say Aztecs per say, it's also not exactly quite right. For historical and naming reasons I won't be getting into, just change it to Mexica. Source: Trust Me Bro.
   

Improvements to Playability and Competitiveness:

1. I propose that Mexica buildings be reworked give better late game balance and further differentiate the Mexica economy from the Incan economy.
   1. Rather than giving Mexica access to a plantation or a farm, they should only be allowed to build chinampas, or more accurately chināmitl. The coding for haciendas can be reused to add Mexica chinampas, albeit with the appropriate art work change. Chinampas should trickle food, coin, wood upon being worked regardless of what mode it is in. Their deck can be reworked to give improvements to the trickle and gather rate. In age 4 or 5, they should be given the option to switch the work mode to wood, similar to Mexico's Yucatan revolution card. This aligns with their historical uses.

Chinampas, were man-made raised bed that were built in swampy or submerged areas dating as far back to the Toltecs in the 9th and 10th century. Both historically and also in modern times, Chinampas produce food (corn, beans, squash, etc), wood (usually cypress and willow), and cash crops. Important pre-hispanic cash crops included cempōhualxōchitl or cempasúchil, the Mexican Marigold commonly used during day of the dead, cochineal, and agave (did someone say tequila? It's 5:00 somewhere right?), cotton, and chicle/chewing gum, among other things. 2. The community plaza's art work should be replaced with Huēyi Teōcalli, today known as Templo Mayor. For those unfamiliar, it is the big temple that can be found in both Mexico and Aztec's current home city screen. On the exterior of the Huēyi Teōcalli, a fire could be lit indicating the number each Warrior Priest garrisoned inside without the player needing to click on the building to check. Mexica villagers should not be permitted to work at the Huēyi Teōcalli for balancing purposes. On the building's interface, a bar should appear that fills up as the player kills enemy units. This of course would be representative of the high priests, with an obsidian blade in hand, slicing open a poor Sepoy, a Voltiguer, or hapless villager to appease Huītzilōpōchtli, lest the sun not rise tomorrow. You heathens. Feed my man Huītzilōpōchtli. The player should be allowed to click on a big button witin the community plaza's interface that grants special bonuses for a short time. There are numerous possibilities here. The player could be allowed access to two bonuses simultaneously. Another possibility could be access to a whole set of Mexica-specific temporary abilities like farming gather rate bonuses, increased age-up speed, increased siege resistance, or a small speed boost to all Mexica units, to name a few possible examples. Obviously this would require testing and balancing, but I feel these changes could offer more late game survivability as the Mexica. 2. I propose that Mexica have their military units reworked to allow for better balancing. 1. Mexica need a schiavone-type ranged unit that counters other enemy light infantry. Even with improvements to path finding, melee units will never be an acceptable counter to spammed ranged light infantry. Starting in age 4, Mexica should get access to this additional unit. Alternatively, the existing Eagle Runner Knight could be given a card that gives it alternative damage modifiers and resistance based on it's stance. This would require micro and skill on the player, preventing the unit from being abused. Given how many times Eagle Runner Knights have been nerfed, I concede that this is a fair compromise. 2. Mexica do not have access to any native units that deal ranged area of effect. The Otonin Slinger should be given a card which gives them one area of affect in exchange for lower base damage. The Inca have the anti-cavalry bolas warrior, which has an area of effect. Given that the Mexica sling, the tēmātlatl, could be loaded with either rounded stones or clay balls containing obsidian/pebbles projects that would send shrapnel flying on impact, it makes sense to give the Otonin Slinger area of effect after sending a card. Balancing could be achieved by making it an age 4 card. Thus allowing the player to respond to late game threats without the risk of abuse in earlier ages. 3. Coyote Runners need additional protection from siege damage and range damage. The base resist on a Coyote Runner is 10% ranged. It's base HP is 155. This is just too low to be an effective counter to late game cannons even after upgrades. The card Temple of Xipe Totec Support grants 0.15 armor. The card Coyote Tactics grants +20% hit points. Since Coyote Runners are not cavalry and thus lack trampling, I think it would be interesting to experiment with an Age 4 card that gives improved speed while Coyote Runners are in cover mode. This would allow them to better serve their role as shock infantry and making Mexica more viable for late game and treaty when used in conjunction with Arrow Knights.
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A lot of history books I’ve read have interesting (but brief) tidbits about how certain vegetables came to be, like how wild mustard became broccoli and cabbage, or how the incans invented potatoes and tomatoes. Are there any good books that focus on the history and origin of vegetables/fruits? I’m especially interested in the incans in this regard since they seem to have been really prolific at it.

A lot of history books I’ve read have interesting (but brief) tidbits about how certain vegetables came to be, like how wild mustard became broccoli and cabbage, or how the incans invented potatoes and tomatoes. Are there any good books that focus on the history and origin of vegetables/fruits? I’m especially interested in the incans in this regard since they seem to have been really prolific at it.

Pt1
Henry Jr. the third, aka Mutt, is introduced and outroduced in the worst way possible. I know that outroduced is not a word, but I have no idea what we call “forced to leave the story” in one word.
The scene is where Indy just got fired, and he decides to go… somewhere. It’s not clear. I think he’s on his way to another university or museum, or he's taking public transportation to hide from the public FBI. But he gets on a train and Mutt is riding a motorcycle on the platform, because he’s supposed to be a bad boy, who has the face and voice of a stoner. I’m sorry, but Shia LaBeouf is not good casting at all for this role. The second I see him is the second I know he’s there because he had Transformers cred. There is also talk about how Spielberg rejected having a daughter find Indy because he thought it was too close to Jurassic Park, thus robbing us of a young girl in danger to then relate to the villain to cause the villain to be the evil sorceress and the daughter to be the princess in need of her king.
Remember when I said Marion lost her father and that’s why she was all messed up? This daughter of Indy could have been that tie in with that movie’s theme, showing that family is important and that Indy would want to make his own father proud, and to be that father that Marion wanted in her life and couldn't have. He would want to preserve his family’s history, so that he’s not lost to time. The theme had potential, far greater than having a son, because it was all established. But because Spielberg thought he couldn’t repeat something, despite repeating tropes constantly, he ended up casting Even Stevens to become the worst sidekick in history.
Mutt, who also has the worst nickname possible, finds Indy by driving one way, and the train goes the other way. And somehow he saw Indiana Jones in a sea of old white men and chases him down. Why do it like this? Well, the theme is there, but not the scene. Indy is going through his path, the train is controlling him, he is hopeless in decision making because he’s on a train, on something else that leads him, aka fate. Mutt is going on his own, in another direction, on his motorcycle, meaning his means of independence. But luckily, destiny brought them together and will send them to glory, because Mutt has info and Indy has knowledge.
I can understand why they picked these events and why they had the characters meet like this, but if Indy didn’t go on a train, how could Mutt find him? How could Mutt even find him when Indy is on the train? He didn’t even double check a picture or nothing. Just glanced over, shouted at a stranger, asked if he’s Dr. Jones, and then they appear at a soda fountain to talk over the info Mutt has.
This info pissed me off.
Apparently, another character called Ox found a crystal skull in the grave of a conquistador, and this conquistador found the skull in a place called El Dorado. At this point, it’s okay. This is how they were looking for the staff of Ra before and then the place where you shove the staff into so it points people to where the Ark is kept. That’s fine, I like it, good setup. But then there is the reason Mutt has this information and then what he has after.
There is a giant piece of paper that Mutt has, sent to him by Ox, who is imprisoned by the Soviets, in Peru. The paper has a riddle written in a dead language, and somehow only Indy can translate it. This is not how a MacGuffin works. This is how a Mary Sue is made. The reason why we hate Crystal Skulls is that Indy becomes a Mary Sue throughout the entire movie.
He’s the only one who can translate a riddle, he’s the only one who can find the random alien that isn’t even part of the plot, and he’s the only one who can survive being nuked in a fridge. All while being so old that he can’t even react to being punched or else his back will go out of whack and his arthritis will flare up. All while never shooting any guns to kill the bad guys. All while having the entire movie carry him around like he’s a puppet on strings. The amount of carrying the world does to get Indy from point A to point B is face melting.
Near the end, there is literally a scene where everything is crumbling and everyone has to run forward, only to end up in a dead end. So then a bunch of water comes up and it shoots everyone up a well and into a safe zone, perfectly far away from the area where the UFO is taking off. Yes, I said UFO, and I’ll get more into that later.
The first bit of globetrotting and we have Mutt tag along with Indy to find a grave. Remember, we don’t need to care about the first alien from the warehouse, because that one doesn’t matter. What’s important is this new alien skull that we haven’t seen yet. So they go to a gravesite and this is where, I shit you not, Mexican goblins attack them with blowguns.
They attack, Indy and Mutt beat them up with shovels and kill them with their own blowguns, and then they easily find the skull within a crypt that had zero boobytraps and zero thrills. We are just handed a crystal skull that apparently nobody could find, except for Ox, who… put it there? It’s not clear whether he found it in the crypt or put it there.
If he found it there: Why have the Mexican goblins?
If he put it there: Why have the Mexican goblins?
And, I swear, they are growling and hobbling around like goblins, not using any words and are just there to kill anyone who goes to the gravesite, I guess.
This is meant to be an action scene and all it does is confuse us. We’re no longer thinking in the movie, but now we’re questioning the movie for its choices. Suspension of disbelief is royally removed. But it gets worse, because right after they get the skull, the Russians come in and capture them, right after they had some argument about absolutely nothing. The scenes between Indy and Mutt are mostly wasted and the spooky part about this gravesite is that there are non-poisonous scorpions covering the entrance.
That’s it.
This is where we meet ox, who is shown as insane from staring at the skull too much, and Marion, who is insane because she’s an alcoholic. However, for being in her late 50s, she’s still a GMILF, so she’s looking great for her age. But for the sex appeal of the movie, I think they overestimated her abilities or they decided the psychic babe is the sex appeal, aka the villain. Also, the idea that they were able to capture Marion, only to bring her back, just so we can awkwardly have her say “Henry” and then hug her son, making Indy think she was talking to him, is a giant mess.
Another massive problem with this movie is that massive important plot points that tie the entire story together are done as jokes and they are delivered in a deadpan way, with zero musical cues or even much of a reaction. For example, in Temple of Doom, Indy is mind controlled through some kind of evil blood from a ritual, and he is put on a stone bed and is slowly going insane. There is echoing and the music is sinister and this is shown to be important. Meanwhile, something like “Indy has a son and his almost wife is captured by the Soviets” is done as quickly as possible and everyone reads their lines like kids in a school play.
To make it worse, this area of jungle is all we see for the rest of the movie, and it’s boring. Civilization is long gone and the only people we see from now on are the heroes, the Soviet soldiers, and some ageless natives who crawl out of stone walls. Yes, I’ll get to that later. I’m just struggling to get through the plot first because of so many problems.
The Soviets tell Indy that they need information that only Ox has, but Ox went crazy. This is where they use the skull for Indy to stare into and somehow they know that the Skull is connected to Ox. How? Never explained, but they really wanted a scene where Indy is staring at the skull and repeats “return” and he steadily shakes around so that he doesn’t blow out a shoulder blade. And, again, I understand the themes. They have shadows over Ox except for his eyes to do an old fashion camera trick for when someone is mentally talking into another’s head, the also put a shadow of Indy over Indy with a thin curtain between him and the camera(which I barely noticed), and the entire time the music is swelling in a sinister way.
The most powerful scene so far is Indy being told the plot from the skull itself. The skull is telling him that he must return it to El Dorado, and specifically him. Why? I don’t know, but this sounds like Chosen One material. And that’s fine if he’s suddenly the Chosen One, but it’s weird they do this so late in the series if that kind of thing exists. Maybe he’s enlightened because of the Holy Grail of The Last Crusade, but even then that would tie every magical thing of the series to aliens… which is the retcon problem.
You see, it’s not a problem that aliens are in the Indiana Jones world. In fact, the complaint that aliens are there is a moot point. There’s a novel where Indiana Jones finds dinosaur eggs and they hatch and he fights dinosaurs. We don’t mind magic or sci-fi in an Indiana Jones story. The problem is when all of the magic is explained away with sci-fi, because that then removes the mystery and magic of the entire series. It turns it into strictly sci-fi instead of science fantasy.
A good example of this problem is the story of Dracula. Van Helsing is a naturalist scientist, he believes everything is of the natural world. He then meets a magical demonic vampire and has to accept the supernatural, because it’s now in his rational perception. This is a horror to him because the idea of going insane is more likely and preferred than the reality of having the supernatural existing before him and this unexplainable mystery now challenging everything he dedicated his life to. Now imagine that movie suddenly having an alien appear and go “lol jk, it was just a hologram.”
That is Indiana Jones 4 in a nutshell.
Turning the entire thing from allowing the supernatural to then restricting it into the natural, but now the natural is this crazy and wild world, completely changes everything, even though the on-screen addition is the existence of an alien race. But if it simply had an alien AND the fantasy aspects, then that’s an entirely different story, which is why the retcon of causing everything to be sci-fi to remove the fantasy is a problem. It’s the same reason the addition of midi-chlorians in Star Wars to explain the force was a bad call. Not everything has to be explained and the explanation is a lazy way to remove the mystery and thus the fun of exploration. It’s no longer able to charm us, which is why we felt this lack of charm the second they searched for the first alien.
Speaking of the first alien, it is there in the camp with them, and Spalko examines it on an operating table, very casually, while telling Indy about how psychic powers from El Dorado will allow the Soviets to take over the world, right under everyone’s nose. That’s cool as a doomsday plot, but why bring the alien if it has nothing to do with the plot? This is part of the “have something goofy happen during the exposition” that Temple of Doom mastered, but here it is more like “have something unrelated sort of lying there to remind the viewer that it exists”. Yes, they are talking about aliens, and yes that is an alien, but we don’t need to have an alien present in the middle of a jungle with a camp the size of a football team to make this point.
This isn’t something enjoyable or wacky, it is yet another reason for us to question the movie and this brings us out of the suspension of disbelief.
What does it even more is what happens next, where while being held at gunpoint, Mutt flips a table and somehow that distracts EVERY soldier in the camp so that the heroes can run away into a tent, which then Mutt burns down to “hide their escape”. Zero bullets are fired through this scene, despite every soldier holding an AK. But it gets worse. We then have Indy and Marion get trapped in quicksand while they are hiding from the search teams.
Quicksand in the jungle? Great, love the idea.
During a chase scene where Soviets are 3 inches away behind a flimsy cluster of jungle foliage? Awful and I have no idea why they wanted it at this moment.
The point of the quicksand was to show that Indy and Marion are both sinking together in their relationship, trapped in one bad decision after another because of the first wrong step. It’s actually a great metaphor also seen a wonderful movie called Quicksand, featuring Mickey Rooney, where he steals some money from his job and it results in him running away to Mexico after thinking he killed a man. The chain of events is the quicksand, and the two have Mutt pull them out using a snake. The snake is chaos, it is the thing Indy fears dramatically, and now Indy has to face his fear to allow Mutt to help him.
This is a theme that is great as a theme, through the symbolism, and I can support it up to that point. However, the timing, the tone, the lack of tension, and the messy dialogue that’s attached to it makes it entirely unbearable to watch. It’s caused and solved in a minute with Indy explaining that it’s not quicksand the second his feet get caught, as comedic effect. He also tells Mutt to lie about the snake and say it’s a rope, so that he can close his eyes and grab onto the snake. The problem is that as a theme, this is saying Mutt needs to lie to Indy so that Indy can accept his help and join Marion in their matrimony.
That is a terrible theme, because it’s like saying “lie to yourself and never face your fear of tying the knot” which is then countered later when Indy marries Marion, which in Dial of Destiny, fun fact, results in their divorce and Mutt getting killed in the Vietnam War. If anything, Dial of Destiny causes this entire movie to become meaningless, which only adds to the uselessness in retrospect, which is hilarious since the movie is already incoherent within itself. The fact that the next installment makes it worse shows that all of the themes they forced into the story to wedge these scenes in were for nothing.
They get captured, again, thanks to Ox getting “help”, because Indy was dumb enough to ask for help in the middle of the jungle and Ox was mentally deranged enough to ask the Soviets. It’s done for a gag, but the main problem is Indy causing the stupidity when he’s the one who’s supposed to be intelligent and collected. Yes, he can have a goofball moment or a social issue, because he’s human, but I have no idea why he thought there was help in the middle of nowhere, three feet away from the enemy camp. And remember: they are captured like 3 minutes after they just got done escaping.
The scene instantly changes to a giant machine sawing and grinding through the rainforest to create a path to El Dorado because… I actually am not sure why. They said something about a river, and so they’re going to a river. They’re going off of a riddle that Ox made and it’s still hard to understand why Indy is told to return the skull, but then the aliens don’t show him how, don’t tell him how, don’t give him the riddle, nothing. So how exactly does Ox get this riddle and why can’t Indy get it when he does the same exact thing? This is a giant issue of not explaining anything and being inconsistent, all while trying to explain every other movie with the alien retcon. It’s like walling over someone else’s door and then leaving your walls full of holes. It defeats the purpose of both subjects.
The giant contraption that’s clearing the way for the rest of the cars is also a problem, because this is meant to be Soviet tech that has saws and arms and stuff to attack our heroes with, but it’s blown up with an RPG and the threat from it is in the form of flying sawblades and tires that crush through other vehicles but don’t stop them from moving. It’s a bunch of CGI from both the background and the vehicles as they appear like they’re in a pod race from Star Wars. This is the giant chase scene that the movie was really proud of, because it takes up the entire last third of the movie. It starts by having Indy kick a guard and then escape from the back of a truck, which is where he blows up the bushwhacker 3000.
The chase sends our heroes from vehicle to vehicle as they are forced to hide from gunfire and go between tree lines and steer away from a ledge, which then turns into a fencing match between Mutt and Spalko because… Mutt found a box of rapiers in a random jeep. I know we’re supposed to enjoy the scene for its wacky nature and see the sword fight on top of two jeeps as fun, but why didn’t they just have Mutt be a sword wielder if he knew how to use a sword? Why not give him, I don’t know, a MACHETE?! You know, the thing people take with them the fucking jungle?!
There could have been a scene where they took some Conquistador contraband and an old golden rapier could have been in the box of trinkets and gizmos.
The amount of nonsense they want us to believe to get a scene they wanted for the trailer is astounding, and honestly I think 90% of the movie is the way it is because they wanted something for the trailer. Every scene feels rushed and like it’s only there to explain why the trailer scene is there, which is why the nuking of a fridge is so out of place. The story says “Indy must escape from Soviets who are hunting him” and then quickly says “then he gets in a fridge and is blown up by a nuke” right after. I know the fridge is not in the trailer itself, but it feels like it was supposed to be with the way he’s looking at the nuke, but then again I haven’t seen all of the trailers or promotion works since this came out 15 years ago.
Ironically, the Soviets realized that there is something in film where the viewer will connect things just because one comes after another with what’s called Soviet Montage Theory, SMT. A great way to summarize the theory is that editing causes sequential elements to be on top of each other, meaning a group of scenes or shots in a scene are combined to create a more complex idea that presents the film’s ideological and influential power. Alfred Hitchock never mentioned SMT directly, but did discuss heavily about how editing is important for the movie to both make sense and be effective, because it’s vital to have the editing please the audience. Makes sense to me, but postmodernists want to claim that we can pick and choose things from a movie to then determine the value based on what we subjectively enjoyed, and that’s probably why this movie came out as a mess.
One of these giant messes that happen during the chase scene is where Mutt is sword fighting and gets whisked away by vines, which somehow send him up into the treeline and he meets a monkey. Mutt is then seen swinging vine to vine, with a giant army of monkeys, ready to take on the Russians. Also, there is a scene where Spalko fights Marion(good theme) and then when Spalko is thrown over the hood of the jeep, she grabs onto a machinegun that is placed in the worst part of the jeep for the machinegun to be used. It’s on the hood, fixed as low as possible to the hood, and away from the driver or the passenger.
So who the hell is this gun for?
Again, I know it’s an action scene and I know it’s meant to be intense for Spalko to be falling off the jeep and hanging on in a way to fire back at Marion as she’s driving, but why waste CGI money on such a stupid setup? It’s like they have an idea of what they want, they have the basic abstract, but then don’t understand how to show it to the viewer because they outsourced everything to Indian call centers. And it gets worse in terms of CGI waste when the ants come. Yes, the infamous giant ants, who make a bunch of goo when they get crushed. Somehow they get into the jeep Spalko is in and somehow the ants come out of the ground for no reason, and this is meant to be this movie’s bug scene.
Raiders had a pile of snakes in a crypt, Temple had a cave full of bugs, Crusade had a pile of snakes on a train(see the pattern?), and so this movie wanted to involve bugs again. Yes, we had a gravesite with a handful of scorpions and they could have used that as a way for Mutt to say he hates scorpions or something. They could have had a swarm of bees or wasps or something actually dangerous and relatable. But instead they invented a giant endless swarm of ants that can carry a human being into their ant hill and also work together to make an ant ladder to reach people hanging on trees. Also, notice how none of the Soviets brought flamethrowers or anything to fight off wildlife; but they brought a rocket launcher, swords, and a tank with giant saw blades.
I understand that the ants are directly in reference to this other adventure movie, called Naked Jungle, where it features Charlton Heston in a role that’s similar to his role in Secrets of the Incas, with these two movies being huge influences on the creation of Indiana Jones. So they took a movie about Brazilian ants, then a movie about Incan treasure, and combined them to have it be about Musica mythology in El Dorado, as one giant connected homage. I like the idea of having ants, and it’s not that bad, but the theme about ants in Naked Jungle was about how two people had a romance and not even an army would remove them from their relationship or their home, with this army represented by army ants. It was done to be romantic. Here, the theme of giant red ants is about communism, and these are the things that are killing the Soviet soldiers. So the biggest threat to the Soviets is communism, but this communism just comes out of nowhere and there is no threat to the romance.
The lack of dedication for this hectic scene reaches its lowest form when it has a fight between Indy and the heavy, which is done a second time since the first time is back in the warehouse where the heavy and him punch each other until Indy activates a rocket and they shoot through the desert, causing the heavy to be too dizzy to fight. If this was a real Indiana Jones movie, the heavy would have been run over by the jet instead of riding with him on the jet, or maybe burnt to a crisp instead of having the random goons burnt by the flames that they did. I feel like they were afraid of sticking to the formula and wanted to change things up, and all that did was cause the movie to no longer feel like an Indiana Jones movie, because they changed it down to the core level, especially with how much CGI was added.
In this fight with the heavy, the ants are crawling everywhere and the skull splits them away from a circle around Ox(who’s holding it), and this makes a fighting ring for Indy and the heavy to duke it out. This is stupid because… Indy is in his 60s. This is his moment to pull out a gun and kill the guy, or take out a sword and stab the guy, but he doesn’t do this because they wanted to repeat tropes and destroy them at the same time. The death of the heavy is also lacking because there is no blood, which is a staple of the series. Last Crusade actually lacked that staple as well, but because the heavy was a tank and it was blown up after being thrown off a cliff, so it’s a little more enjoyable due to an explosion.
This one just had a Russian guy scream at the camera as CGI ants crawled around him.
The idea of shooting a tank with an RPG, to then have a forced fight with a heavy, to then have the heavy get a mouth full of CGI ants, to then have this heavy squirming and struggling while the ants carry him into an anthill… is just dumb. I have no idea who said they like this scene over any other movie. I don’t know who would even say “the jungle chase is good in its own way”. The way it ends is just as stupid, where Marion rides right off the cliff, to then have a tree catch them, and it gently lowers them into the river below, which then sends them down 3 waterfalls.
Surviving the ordeal is not the problem, because it’s an adventure story and we like the idea of surviving a waterfall. It’s a trope where someone falls from their position and is also cleansed by the water to present a sort of “I built a tower of bullshit and now it’s gone” kind of theme. And that’s kind of true, since the waterfall is where El Dorado is located, which the Soviets find and I’m shocked so many Soviets survived the attack by simply hanging onto ropes from the cliff.
The ants were able to climb on top of each other to reach Spalko up in a tree, but the ants are not able to climb trees or ropes, apparently. Also, I feel like mentioning this again just because I sort of brushed past it: Mutt summoned an army of monkeys from the jungle to attack the Soviets and all the monkeys did was distract one car. I’m not joking. Their Ewoks taking on the AT-ST moment resulted in a slight distraction, which Mutt could have done by himself. There was zero reason to add the monkeys. I think they just wanted to say their monkeys look better than the ones from 90s Jumanji. There was something going on, and it wasn’t film making.
Now we’re at the last scene, and it is the worst scene in the movie. One word: natives. The natives of El Dorado exist, somehow, unchanged and using bolas to capture our heroes for whatever reason. The natives, and I shit you not, crawl out of the walls and break through stone to slowly creep around behind our heroes, as if they are a trap that is activated to take out intruders. So these human people, these flesh and bone humans who are people, simply exist in the walls, for thousands of years, waiting for someone to walk by. Then, they use ancient technology despite being part of an advanced civilization.
This is actually one of the moments where I would accept a bug eating scene as they are welcomed to El Dorado, because it’s meant to be a city. Instead, it’s a single temple, filled with relics of the past, because the aliens are archaeologists. Yes, they are saying Indy and the aliens are on the same mission: to preserve history. History of Earth, because… aliens are nice? Again, it’s not explained, but they are happy to say that the Ark was alien tech for some reason. Aliens also like to collect gold, which causes Mac to scrounge around for gold because he’s meant to be greedy.
Speaking of, Mac’s character is written in the dumbest way possible. In the beginning, he claims to be a double agent, working for the Soviets. But then during the jungle chase, he keeps saying “Jonesy!” and getting punched in the face, where he then says that he was only pretending to work for the Russians. Then right after, he is seen leaving trackers for Spalko to follow, meaning he’s actually working for the Russians. Also, I find it hilarious that he’s working for the Russians because of the money, because the Russians didn’t really pay more to their spies than the capitalists, unless he’s saying the Russian spy stuff allows him to steal and do dirty jobs that the capitalists don’t allow.
Now that I think of the theme about socialist “worker owns the means of production” and “Soviets don’t care if you kill someone and take their wallet” it kind of makes sense. It’s like how Belloq was able to enjoy being a scoundrel with the Nazis, because they both wanted the same means of handling the expedition. And I can sort of see a theme with the quadruple agent nonsense. Mac is Indy’s shadow, who is this person who betrays him constantly, and does it for the money. He also seeks fortune and glory, and is willing to die for it. The movie has Mac sucked away by the alien ship and I assume his life essence is turned into UFO fuel, all because he wanted to stay in the treasure chamber, collecting jewels and doubloons.
The movie is saying “This is what happens to Indy if he stops being moral” and it almost works. Again, the tone is out of place, the timing is out of whack, and he didn’t really establish himself as such a character except for the idea that he wants money. It’s sort of trying to mirror the idea of the blonde babe from Crusade, where she reaches for the grail and then falls to her death, due to her greed. But Mac dying because the aliens are leaving doesn’t make any sense, no matter how you look at it, because the skull left the room somehow and nobody knows how. It’s even worse when I mention how the villain dies.
They get to the chamber because of a staircase that moves into the wall, and they waste time looking for the skull in a bunch of dirty Mexican water, which then leads them to a chamber that has a bunch of alien skeletons circled around a room. I figured they were some kind of council that ruled the area and it would have been great if we had a bunch of aliens eating bugs, but we don’t get that. Instead, the alien gets the skull back, and then the room spins around, with the walls flying away, revealing gold, and then the gold flies away to reveal the UFO. Then the villain sees the alien come back alive and she says “I want to know everything”.
What the hell are you talking about, lady? First you wanted to use the psychic powers as a weapon, and now you get the alien that you can capture and you want it to invade your brain? Does she not understand what a dead crystal skull does to someone? Now she sees one alive and trusts it with her body. Of course, she dies, with her eyes bursting into flames and her body being whisked away as a cloud of ashes, getting sucked into the UFO. I guess she’s powdered food for the trip or something.
In any case, there was zero reason for her to demand her own death and there was zero reason for the alien to be split into multiple aliens to then be combined into one fleshed out alien. If this is what happens, why was the skull removed from the alien in the first place? How was it removed? Did the natives remove it? Oh yeah, and the reason the natives don’t follow them into the temple is because the Soviets shot all of them dead, off screen. It’s like they spent all of their money on the chase scene nobody liked and didn’t have enough money for a bug eating scene because they wanted CGI monkeys.
The UFO then leaves our world to enter a “space between space”, meaning that the stuff about Mars was a bold face lie. There is also the problem where the alien is a typical grey alien who stares at the screen and this is meant to be scary. I’m sorry but grey aliens are not scary, they are just silly. This is like trying to get me to be afraid of Harry and the Hendersons. You have a better chance of having Christopher Lloyd look scary in My Favorite Martian than the greys in this movie. This is meant to be a mirror of the ghost scene from Raiders and it doesn’t work here because the threat of death is delivered as a meta joke.
Indy says he’s going to stay back, because he knows what happens, while Spalko delivers her infamous line. This then leads to the well scene where everyone is just carried around to escape a perfect distance away, as convenient as possible and in a way to show off their CGI. This usage of CGI was the biggest detriment for the finale, because we’re supposed to have a set get involved with clouds and lightning and crumbling of the location. Instead we get perfectly timed collapsing of CGI stuff flying around and missing our characters because it’s just there to fly around and force our heroes to run forward. And then the water pushes them forward. It’s like that scene from South Park where Clyde is the Chosen One and he’s sent to the jungle, and then he’s just trying to leave but the world spins him around and causes him to defeat the person who summoned a bunch of giant guinea pigs to startle Randy.
The world pushes our heroes into safety, which is absolutely boring because there is zero tension.
The only other thing to mention is the very end where Indy is married to Marion and now they’re a normal American family. But then a magical wind blows into the church and a hat rolls towards Mutt. He’s about to put on the hat, but then Indy takes the hat back, and gives him a look like “in your dreams, loser.” This is the directors saying that we won’t have Mutt as the new Indy because Harrison Ford is Indy, and we’re not done with him.” It’s a way to also say that Mutt was introduced for absolutely no reason. Why not have him carry on the legacy? He’s literally Henry Jones the third, in a long line of Dr. Jones’. He was put into the movie to be the new Jones, and yet he’s not going to be, and it’s confirmed because he was killed in Vietnam.
To summarize it, Crystal Skulls failed because of: 1. Horrible tone 2. Lack of delivery in scenes 3. Wasteful CGI 4. No encounter with foreign cultures 5. Mexican goblins 6. Nuking the fridge 7. The dreadful retcon 8. Indy never fires a pistol 9. Mutt is there to be useless 10. Scenes hold theme but not entertainment 11. The Roswell alien is useless 12. The villain is for Marion 13. Exposition is delivered with nonsense 14. The plot is forced to exist 15. The things that should be explained are not 16. Forced nostalgia 17. Awful editing 18. And many more
The idea of it not being realistic enough has nothing to do with these 18 points, which is why it sort of annoys me when people use that as a reason. Indiana Jones is meant to be wacky, silly, and fantastic. It’s no different than something like 10,000 Leagues Under the Sea or a DC comic. It would make sense to see something like Batman or The Shadow join him, because it’s based on Zorro and something like Spysmasher, as well as James Bond. The setting of Peru was not a bad idea, just horribly executed because there was zero culture to drink in or enjoy. We couldn’t even have Mutt fall in love with a beautiful native girl or something. They could have learned so much from The Road to El Dorado, you know the Dreamworks cartoon one, and yet they used none of it as a reference.
One last thing I want to mention to show my disappointment in the movie is that we already had this plot and it was already done better by an Indiana Jones game. Indiana Jones and the Infernal Machine has Indy starting in the US desert, finding an infernal machine part(given to him by a CIA agent), which is a machine that unlocks the interdimensional realm of Marduk, the Babylonian god of chaos, which ends up looking like a Blue Eyes White Dragon. Already, that’s fucking awesome, but the game gets better as Indy is forced to go around the world to search for the different parts, and each location is a different setting. Snow, jungle, temple, then finally the other dimension. The game has a giant snake, a lava monster, a giant ancient robot, and a fucking dragon as the boss battles, and nobody said this is out of the ordinary for Indiana Jones.
The only problem with this game is that the main villain is not killed, and I think it’s because it’s a game for kids and there wasn’t really a way to get him killed unless he is eaten by the dragon or something, so that’s the only flaw. But they make it kind of cute when he offers to go to dinner with Indy and learns the errors of his ways since he just saw another dimension. It’s a dumb ending but they waited for the ending to offer that nonsense. Here, the nonsense is throughout the entire movie and it's the first foot forward.
In fact, I say they did the aliens wrong because they tried to make them 50s style grey aliens instead of what would be more appropriately something like a dragon or a mythological creature. The games always have a giant creature or like a kraken for Indy to fight, and a tentacle monster would have been perfect for the Indiana Jones world to add in some cosmicism and Lovecraftian horror to the pulp aesthetic. I think they figured it could be related to B movies, rather than pulp, and that’s a big problem to overlook. That’s like saying we could feature a woman who’s a talking head without a body, because there is that B movie “The Brain That Wouldn’t Die” where a woman is kept alive with science. It’s weird to realize that we’re better off with gothic creatures like a headless horseman or a vampire than a grey alien, and we’re also better off with a Lovecraftian alien than a grey alien.
So, the next time someone says aliens don’t belong in Indiana Jones, you tell them that they do, just not these aliens and not in this way.
What people don’t want to mention is that Raiders made 20x its budget.
Temple of doom made about 10x.
Last Crusade made about 10x.
Crystal Skull made 4x.
Dial of Destiny is trying to stay out of the negative and is failing horribly since it's still barely halfway to make a profit.
As you can see, the ROI is terrible as time goes on, and as sequels are made, because they stopped understanding what makes it an Indiana Jones movie. Now the new director, James Mangold, is only known for making Logan and a western called 3:10 to Yuma, with the western being a remake and Logan being based on a Mark Millar comic. In the movie, they have Logan give up being Wolverine and hand the mantle to X-23, who is meant to be female Wolverine. Already, in 2017, Hollywood was saying to remove the men from legacy properties and hand the legacy to women. They did this in Star Wars with Rey, they did this in Fury Road with that bald chick, and now they’re doing it with Indy in Dial of Destiny.
The things that made Crystal Skull not work are all in Dial of Destiny. I have zero faith in this movie, I do not plan to see it, and I am sad to say that it’s something from Indiana Jones that I have to avoid because this is perhaps one of my favorite adventure franchises. I like it more than Star Wars, more than Uncharted, more than Tomb Raider, and the only thing I like more than this in this genre is The Mummy from 1999. That’s the only movie that can try to compete with this powerhouse. Now it’s, as ironic as possible, a thing of the past and a remnant of its former self. It’s as if this series went into that secret chamber in Last Crusade and chose poorly.
Skeleton of its former self, and visibly rotting before our very eyes.
Till next time.
Pt1

Most of the movies in Disney’s extended lineup are in the same universe. The multiverse concept can be confusing, but the way I see it is that the different realities are formed by branching timelines, from the different possibilities that could come from any specific event. It’s all a big question of what if. The following are not part of the main timeline:
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• The Pixar Timeline:

https://www.reddit.com/Pixacomments/145sndj/the_pixar_timeline_theory/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
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• Disney Dog-Verse Timeline: Air Bud extended franchises, including Buddies, Santa Paws, and Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

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• The Furryverse: This universe is where anthropomorphic animals replaced humans. This timeline splits before human evolution, and the animals became smarter and civilized. Includes Zootopia, Chicken Little, Robin Hood, Mickey/Donald/Goofy franchises. Other animated movies like Illumination’s Sing, Sony’s Surfs Up, and Dreamworks’ Kung Fu Panda could easily fit in this timeline too.

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• Big Hero 6: (Based on Marvel Comics, in different universe)

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• Meet the Robinsons

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• Wreck It Ralph: (Essentially exists in our world.)

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• Treasure Planet: (Either in its own universe or far future or this theory: humans from the early 1800s were taken from Earth by aliens and influenced extraterrestrial inventions and transport.)

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DISNEY MOVIE TIMELINE:
These Disney films are all in the same universe. Direct-to-video sequels, some remakes, and connected TV shows included.

• Dinosaur - 65+ million years ago, early Cretaceous
• Brother Bear - 10,000 BC, Alaska (Inuit)
• The Lion King - unspecified time, Serengeti, Africa
• Hercules - 1200s BC, Greece
• Moana - 1000s BC, Polynesia
• The Sword in the Stone - 400s, England
• Mulan - 500s, China
• The Black Cauldron - 600s, Wales
• Aladdin - 800s, Middle East/Arabia
• Robin Hood - 1194, England (replace animals with humans)
• Raya and the Last Dragon - 1200s, Kumandra (Southeast Asia)
• Sleeping Beauty - 1300s, France
• Hunchback of Notre Dame - 1482, France
• The Emperor’s New Groove - 1500s, Peru (Incan Empire)
• Wish - Iberian Peninsula, 1500s
• Snow White - 1520s, Germany
• Pocahontas - 1607, Virginia, USA
• The Little Mermaid - 1700s, Atlantica
• Pirates of the Caribbean series - Caribbean, 1720s - 1750s
• Beauty and the Beast - 1770s, France
• Ichabod and Mister Toad - 1790, New York, USA
• Tangled - 1830s, Germany
• Frozen (1 & 2)- 1840s, Norway
• Alice in Wonderland - 1862, England (and Wonderland)
• Wonderland is another dimension accessible many random nexus points
• Cinderella - 1860s, France
• Haunted Mansion - 1877, New Orleans
• Tarzan - 1882, Congo Rainforest, Africa
• Pinocchio - 1883, Italy
• Jungle Book - 1894, India
• Home on the Range - 1890s, Western USA
• The Great Mouse Detective - 1897, London
• Peter Pan - 1900, England (and Neverland)

1. Neverland is a pocket dimension island in the Caribbean.
2. Time works differently, the island is stuck set in the 1600s

• Lady and the Tramp - 1908, Connecticut
• The Aristocats - 1910, France
• Atlantis: The Lost Empire - 1914, Atlantis
• Jungle Cruise - 1916, Amazon Rainforest
• Princess and the Frog - 1926, New Orleans
• Winnie the Pooh franchise - 1928, England
• Bambi - 1940s, Northwest USA
• Dumbo - 1941, Florida
• The Rescuers movies - 1950s, Louisiana/Australia
• Encanto - 1950s, Columbia
• The Fox and the Hound - 1953, Pennsylvania
• 101 Dalmatians - 1958, England
• Oliver and Company - 1980s, New York
• Lilo and Stitch series - 2000s, Hawaii
• Bolt - 2008, United States
• Strange World - 2010s, Avalonia

1. Avalonia is a “living kingdom”, similar to Ego’s Planet in Marvel.
2. And I can hypothesize that the “Strange World” is like the Quantum Realm sorta.

*(the latter three movies/franchises are not part of Auradon)
THE WORLD OF ‘DESCENDANTS’:
How does the world of Descendants work? Without explanation, it can be confusing. Here are some ideas:
1.
It’s in a different universe where all Disney stories coexist in the modern era, with stories taking place at the same time. Some possible connections can be drawn to Dreamworks' "Shrek" franchise and the ABC series "Once Upon A Time," where various fairy tales unfold around the same time with interconnected storylines, sometimes tied to our world. Auradon is similar to ‘Far Far Away’ and the ‘United Realms’ in this way. And based on timelines, all of the stories would’ve taken place in the 80s and 90s, twenty years before the first movie.
2.
I had a theory of how Descendants is in canon in the main timeline (seen above). The world of Descendants was created by the Fairy Godmother, who used magic to bring various locations and inhabitants from the past into the present, forming her own magical country (Auradon) and a seemingly perfect world. Similar to “Once Upon a Time”, where their magical world and timelines was brought/combined in the present due to a magic conspiracy. Dead characters were brought back to life in the same place and time, and all the bad guys sent to the slums on the Isle.
However, new information from the spin-off "The Rise of Red" reveals that all the villains knew each other as teenagers, suggesting that they were born in the closer-to-modern time rather than the distant past. I had another part of theory where history repeated itself after everyone was brought to the present, their souls were reborn as new people but with the same fates, kinda like how ‘Storybrooke” works in OUAT. This theory seems to be all but contradicted, and I’d still like to believe it.

It’s simply just Disneyland with a plot. Kingdom Keepers, anyone?
THE DESCENDANTS KIDS

• Mal = Maleficent x Hades
• Evie = Evil Queen x (???)
• Jay = Jafar x Gothel
• Carlos = Cruella de Vil x Clayton
• Ben = Belle x Adam
• Uma = Ursula x Dr. Facilier
• Harry = Captain Hook x Helga Sinclair
• Gil = Gaston x (one of the Bimbettes)
• Celia = Dr. Facilier x Tia Dalma
• Dizzy = Drizella x Sir Kay
• Chad, Chloe = Cinderella x Charming
• Lonnie = Mulan x Shang
• Jane = Fairy Godmother x (???)
• Audrey = Aurora x Phillip
• Dude = Dodger x (???)

OTHER THINGS

• The books also give a lot of other characters not mentioned in the movies, probably a good thing because they have the worst and most lazily made names ever.
  
• Why is magic frowned upon and retired in Auradon now? Seems like a society-crippling issue with all that’s happened. Like, the Fairy Godmother could’ve solved a lot of problems with magic, but she didn’t because she’s “retired?”
  
• At the end of the third movie, the barrier is gone. But what about the villains there? Are they just able to run free (and possibly cause chaos again)? I know it’s more about letting the VKs be free, but their parents are still criminals. I’d like to think they were placed in rehab.
  
• There appears to be two Cinderellas in this timeline, the original one and the Brandy one. Chad and Chloe don’t seem to be related. Is it some sort of paradox?
  

How about the slinger from Aoe1?
tl:dr slings were actually used in medieval warfare, skip to the end for my in-game unit pitch
In that game:
-Costs food and stone (the only unit ever to cost stone)

• Has a very rare 2 pierce armor (most units have 0 or 1, only infantry get an armor upgrade)

-Has much lower attack than other ranged
-Has large bonuses vs other ranged, minor bonus vs towers and walls (in practice they're quite good, they got nerfed in Aoe1 DE by 50%)
What's different in Aoe2?
-towers have minimum range, so melee units can effectively take them down
-pierce armor is more universally higher and well distributed
-castles exist, town centers can shoot arrows
-skirmishers exist, the Incan slinger exists
Historical justification/basis:
Slings were used in medieval times, as cheaper counterparts to bows/crossbows, in particular by our "meso" civs. At range they were actually generally more accurate (physics and projectile shennanigans), and manufactured bullets (made out of lead) had more "stopping power" than arrows. Until the invention of the bodkin arrow head, slung bullets were more effective against armor (the same reason why gunpowder became so effective over arrows/bolts). Slings were actively used in medieval armies and warfare until about the 1600's, when firearms completely took over warfare in general. The most effective use of slinging was staff-slings firing early grenades (e.g. quicklime, greek fire, sulphur, pitch/tar, glass). Slings are noted to be universally developed and used across the world, with the exception of Australia.
Aoe2 adaptation:
Staff slinger-
30f 10g
30hp, 3 attack (ignores armor, including building armor, make sure you get masonry), 5 range, 0.05 blast radius, speed is somewhere in between an archer and a plumed archer, slow fire rate, 0/0 armor, trained at Archery range
Elite upgrade adds 1 attack, 10hp, 1 range, 0.02 blast radius
Alternative upgrade route:
Slinger
Reinforced sling
Staff slinger (has blast radius)
Role: a very cheap skirmisher-type that can soften up large unit formations, with uses against early buildings, offers some ranged mobility for civs without calvary (or usable cav archers)

After more than a week of break, I finally started continuing my binging. I'm refreshed after watching a lot, now time to head back. The motifs for this season are gymnastic sports in general, while the secondary motif is ancient civilizations, Atlantean, Asian, Egyptian, Lemurian, Mayan, and Incan. (Spoilers)
The season starts off with Dr. Hongo finding a secret castle Dark Science Empire Deathdark. This kinda awakened Deathdark, and they set off their main base to Japan. This led to Dr. Hongo forming a team of 5 called the Goggle V to stop Deathdark. Deathdark is a terrorist organization that wants to bring destruction to the world, it is canon that Oppenheimer doesn't exist in this universe since Deathdark is the original creator of nuclear weapons.
In the 2nd episode, Dr. Hongo left as their mentor but mentioned that he would continue to watch the rangers, this left the rangers completely in charge. There are 2 women who help the team as agents, same old same old, and 5 children who help them and are also technical geniuses. Nothing much happened from here on out until the movie.
After Episode 6, the movie occurred. It's not much, it's a longer normal episode. But it does give Dr. Zazoriya and Dr. Iguana some screentime. Here, Dr. Zazoriya, one of their monster makers, escaped from Deathdark, vowing to never return to evil. She told them the location of a weapon they were making with Dr. Iguana, turns out it was a trap. Back in the city, Dr. Zazoriya was evil all along (Who could've guessed), she then kidnapped a child who has been recovering from an illness. Then they saved the day, normal stuff.
Kenichi Akama (GoggleRed) is the leader of the team and the first one we see, he is an explorer and a mountaineer. In Episode 16, he really showed his capabilities when he had to deliver blood for a blood transfusion. However, Deathdark unleashed a mozoo that was able to detect any electricity and can travel quickly. The mozoo can detect their location while morphed. Deathdark was planning on foiling their plans and stopping them from delivering the blood. Here he basically ran like 10km unmorphed while chased just to save one child and he got pretty injured. I liked this about him since he's doing all he can just for one person, which shows how good of a leader he is.
Kanpei Kuroda (GoggleBlack) is a professional Shogi player and the second in command. He is actually pretty overpowered since he can teleport, he could just turn invisible and take the enemy's weapon. In Episode 26, a mozoo was able to delete everyone's memories, including Kuroda's, or at least we thought. He acted like he lost his memories and was attacked by Deathdark constantly, his entrance for the final battle looked very cool too like he tricked all of them. He then had another pretty badass episode in Episode 29, where he had to stop Deathdark from transporting sleeping gases, while trying, he lost his morpher and had to do most of the work unmorphed, and he stood a great chance too against footsoldiers with guns. In Episode 42, he once again proved that he was a badass, Deathdark kidnapped a group of kids and their teacher, who was his friend. The teacher was told that Kuroda is Goggle Black, and to save the children, she had to lead him to their trap, and she had no choice. He was able to find her and she took him to where they were captured, but he was stabbed with a poisoned knife. Kuroda then literally just pulled it right out of his arm. He tried morphing but couldn't, and just fought Deathdark unmorphed, while escaping, he got beat up so badly but still withstood an explosion. He came out of the smoke looking all badass-like and said "I am Kanpei Kuroda! As long as I live, I will protect these children!". Kuroda was aided by the others and they saved the day.
Saburo Aoyama (GoggleBlue) is a professional hockey player. In Episode 8, he spoke semi-broken English and flirted with the scientist they were trying to escort. They were both kidnapped as she has blueprints for a destructive weapon. They both escaped but she was caught again, with Aoyama getting pretty injured. Turns out she was just a distraction, a fake scientist to hide the true blueprints. Aoyama managed to save her but she had to ultimately leave. This wasn't much but he did so much to save this woman. He doesn't get that much focus as a second in command but he gets some simple stories that show him helping people.
Futoshi Kijima (GoggleYellow) is a zookeeper before being chosen with very keen hearing. He's the comic relief for this season, again the yellow ranger. He can also dig, which makes him super similar to VulPanther, but at least he isn't annoying. In Episode 13, he went spelunking to look for the causes of earthquakes that have been happening frequently, while exploring, he found a man that could be his missing father since they share a necklace that can connect with each other. It was a little confusing for me but the wiki stated that that man was his father. They didn't reunite or hug afterward, instead, going separate ways so as to not bring him any harm, but in their minds, they are father and son. It actually got me surprised when they went their separate ways since I thought it would be obvious that they would hug.
In Episode 38, both Kijima and Aoyama kinda got a 2 in 1 episode, where they got to shine. Aoyama, surprisingly being the brains of the group, was able to make a jetpack. Kijima tested the jetpack and was interfered with by Deathdark and a Rhino Mozoo. The jetpack was stolen and Deathdark used it to destroy buildings. Aoyama, saddened by the destruction his invention made, almost gave up, but Kijima was there to motivate him. They actually seem like really good friends. They worked on two tasks that they think could beat the rhino mozoo, Kijima practiced getting hit with a WRECKING BALL to endure the rhino's attacks, and Aoyama recreated his jetpack. In the end, their plan succeeded and this episode was really good. Like the first time to feature 2 characters and not just 1. They redid their jetpacks in the final scene but failed and it blew up in their faces.
Miki Momozono (GogglePink) is a gymnast and the youngest of the group, probably the youngest ranger character, according to the wiki, she's 16. She also breaks the streak of female main characters swimming in the intro, instead, doing rhythmic gymnastics. In Episode 22, Deathdark created a machine that would transform toys that were thrown away into vengeful people. Miki did some very quick wardrobe changes and infiltrated their base. In Episode 39, a book was able to trap children inside them, whilst saving a kid, Miki got pulled into the book instead. She was basically a free kill to Deathdark, she couldn't morph. She was able to dodge their attacks but was roped to the ceiling and couldn't get out. Deathdark then planned on burning the book she's trapped in, and subsequently, the inside of the book was also in flames. Luckily due to her gymnastic skills, she was smart enough to think on her feet and burn the ropes but was caged again. Luckily again, she was able to escape. It was probably one of the few times I actually felt that the rangers were in danger. I also have one thing to say to her, she grunts like Tommy from MMPR in battle.
Dr. Hongo is the first character we saw, the person who initiated the project but he left early on. As mentioned before, We do get 2 agents. There are also 5 children who help the rangers, called Computer Boys and Girls or Comboys. There are 5 of them since Dr. Hongo plans on them being the future of the world and future Goggle V members, and they also assist one ranger each. They're actually pretty interesting since they have a purpose in the story and not just kids in distress.
The suit looks so similar to Sun Vulcan, and I don't think it's not just me who thinks this though. This is also the first time this color motif of Red, Blue, Black, Yellow, and Pink is used. Overall, the suit looks okay. Their powers are listed here, red got super strength and can heal, yellow can dig, black can turn invisible and phase through enemies, blue can run very quickly, confusing the enemies, and pink can charm the enemies, and can also confuse them. They also use gymnastic weapons, like balls and ropes. I also noticed that they used a lot of slow-motion and fast-forward fight scenes, like when a scene slows down to show the cool moment and speeds up after a second. It does look cool for me but they overuse it for some simple scenes.
They have a different kind of Megazord this time. They control 4 different components, 3 vehicles, and 1 main ship, Goggle Caesae, which is controlled by 2 people, it also houses the 3 vehicles I mentioned. The 3 vehicles are able to connect to the main zord, the Goggle Robo. However, the Megazord only houses 3 people and it's separate cockpits too, which I dislike, but the 2 people piloting Goggle Caesae are able to assist them by firing rockets which is effective. They have a finisher called Electron Galaxy Cut, similar to other finishers which is a sword slash from the galaxy. Their normal finisher on the other hand is the Goggle Victory Flash, which is a giant V, this was changed into the Goggle Spear, which has red throwing a spear into the mozoo.
The villain lineup consists of Fuhrer Taboo, the big bad who is hidden for most of the series because of course he is, and he looks like an eye with tentacles. General Desgiller is another general, whom I bet will die juuuuust right before the final episode. There is also another major enemy named Mazurka. They also had two doctors named Dr. Zazoriya and Dr. Iguana, responsible for building the mozoos. The monsters are called Mozoos here, and they do not get "revived" when defeated, but the mozoo are regenerated(?) and control the robots, which are named Kong.
The first cliffhanger happened in Episode 14, due to Dr. Zazoriya and Dr. Iguana's failures, they were almost executed but promised to get one more chance to not disappoint Fuhrer Taboo. They then headed to the South Pole, where in the next episode, they awakened the Commander-In-Chief of Deathdark, Desmark, along with pink spandex-covered allies, Bella and Beth. They ordered the two doctors to capture the essence of people to make Desmark stronger, but they failed to do so, and they were ultimately executed, removing 2 villains but adding 3.
Some of my other favorite moments or episodes:

• Episode 6, a wrestler named Hell Mask, was suspected of robbery and was being chased by the police, he was also a thief in this episode. Turns out he was doing some Robin Hood thing where he steals toys and gives them to children while dressed up as Santa Claus. This was actually a pretty cute filler episode, wherein the wrestler had a huge heart and just wanted to give gifts to kids, but had to hide his identity due to his profession.
• Episode 9, Kenichi was investigating a mushroom that could hypnotize many people into turning evil. He fell off a cliff and landed in a civilization stuck in the Edo era, turns out the village has yet to explore far away and is far behind civilization. They fought all the evil village people in style as well. They even did something akin to Denziman, where they fought the mozoo using different fighting techniques and costumes. With pink, instead of fighting the mozoo, she just turned into a cop and arrested him.
• Episode 12, a kid accidentally made a small cult since he saw a UFO.
• Episode 36, the mozoo here had a good concept. He is basically a master marksman, he targeted Akama and observed how fast he's patrolling on sunny and rainy days, and where he usually patrols. He almost killed him though only missing 15 cm. In the same episode, they cosplayed as sheriffs and gunslingers.
• Episode 39, Miki was trapped Hellraiser style, but with ropes instead of chains and less blood.
• Episode 45, the mozoo was able to shapeshift into any of the rangers, leading to moments of "anything you can do I can do better".

In Episode 46, the 5 part endgame arc happened. A meteor landed in Japan that stores "intergalactic energy source" or Hightron or Hitron. Deathdark was able to get their hands on this meteor and their first plan of attack came in the next episode, Episode 47. The Hightron can teleport and destroy atoms, and their plan was to build a death ray using it in the middle of Tokyo. The Hightron can also be used on people to create barriers for protection. They halted their progress and planned on infiltrating the Goggle V base.
In Episode 48, another use of Hightron was revealed, it can turn people invisible at will. Mazurka was used as a test subject for this and she infiltrated their base successfully. Turns out Desmark placed a bomb on her and have her commit a suicide bombing without her knowledge. Turn out Desgiller and Desmark were working together on betraying Mazurka. Mazurka was able to grab the remote for her bomb and actually bombed herself, destroying the base, and herself. In Episode 49, Desgiller turned out to be alive but was in critical condition, they repaired him and Desgiller saved Goggle V from a monster. However, this was only to get even with the rangers for saving him, he still planned on attacking them. In another battle with the mozoo, they were trapped and got a disadvantage, but Dr. Hongo, the person that recruited them, came back while piloting Goggle Caesae. He had a backup base in case anything bad happened. They were stalked by Desgiller, and Goggle V was attacked. They managed to fend them off and defeat the mozoo.
Desgiller came back to their base and threatened Desmark with a mini death ray. He wanted to pilot the Kong. He wanted to be the one to kill the rangers, but he was defeated by them. In the final episode, Episode 50, Goggle V was able to infiltrate the base of Deathdark before they could unleash their giant death ray. Akama managed to destroy the case where Fuhrer Taboo was in and revealed a seaweed-like person with one giant eye who is the embodiment of all the genes of every mozoo. Along the way, they defeated Desmark, Bella, and Beth. And in the final fight against Fuhrer Taboo, they defeated him, ending the 5000 years of terror of Deathdark.
And there it is, I finally finished Goggle V. It was actually a pretty good ride. I would say the villains are a bit underwhelming, Mazurka and Desgiller only really got my attention in the final episode even if they were always active along with the mozoos. Desmark was eh, he didn't give me any feeling of threat because he didn't do much anyway, as well as Bella and Beth, who I almost forgot. Fuhrer Taboo, I liked the design, but the villain itself? Not at all. The arsenal I think was good, the gymnast weapon and motif were unique and cool. The mecha is okay, I like how they can disassemble for a bit to fight the enemy with their individual vehicles. The intro also slaps so hard, that I don't skip the fight scenes like Sun Vulcan. As for the characters they're good, Akama is a good and capable leader, Aoyama and Kijima were pretty good, even if they were sometimes invisible to me, they were still entertaining. Miki got just the right amount and she's fine as well. The best one for me though was Kuroda, who was so badass, even if he was the second leader, he's a great character and the highlight of the season for me. Overall, the season is very good, I watched like 5 episodes per day for like 3 days but after that, I was engaged and binged the entire season in my free time.
Extra: They didn't think I won't notice but I sure did, THEIR NAMES HAVE THEIR RESPECTIVE COLORS. Aka, Kuro, Ao, Ki, and Momo. This is also the first season without any baseball episode, but Goggle Caesae does come out of a Baseball Stadium so I guess that counts.
Goggle V is done, 6/46. 40 to go, next is the Exploding explosions of Dynaman.

In 2016, u/lolt64 posted a guide explaining all of the operator's callsigns (a nickname meant to identify someone via radio contact). The list is really outdated, only having the original 20 operators + Y1S1 ops Frost and Buck. I thought it was a pretty cool idea and updating his list would give me a nice distraction from all the things that are important in my life. Hope you enjoy!
I've left the first 22 operators, from the pathfinder operators to Y1S1, unchanged, aside from the info marked by parenthesis.
u/lolt64:

• Sledge: In this case, "Sledge" is short for sledgehammer, which is his gadget. The word "sledge" also comes from the old English word "slecg" meaning "to strike".
• Thatcher: "Thatch" is a word for leaves, long grass, and straw commonly placed on roofs. A "thatcher" is both the term for the person who applies it, and the term for the tool that collects thatch from lawns or removed it from roofs. This seems to be analogous to Thatcher "thatching" electronics from enemy locations. (While this is an interesting take, his namesake most likely comes from former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, who was in office during most of Thatcher's (operator) military deployments, including the Iranian embassy siege in 1980.)
• Smoke: Smoke's gadgets are grenades that release a harmful smoke.
• Mute: To "mute" something is to silence or quiet it. Mute's device is a jammer that "mutes" nearby enemy devices, stopping them from sending or receiving signal.
• Twitch: To "twitch" is to convulse or spasm involuntarily. Twitch's gadget is a drone equipped with a taser, an electric device that shocks people and can cause them to twitch. (Now that her drone has been updated to fire a laser projectile, her name does not make sense anymore.)
• Montagne: "Montagne" is the French word for "mountain". A mountain is a large mass of rock, generally characterized as sturdy and immovable. This fits with his shield, "Le Roc" which translates to "The Rock".
• Doc: "Doc" is short for "Doctor". Doc is a doctor.
• Rook: In chess, a rook is a piece stylized with battlements typical of a castle or tower. Castles are fortified structures. Rook's gadget, armor, "fortifies" your body with increased resistance to damage.
• Ash: Not only is "Ash" a real name (commonly short for Ashley), ash is also a powdery residue that remains after something combusts. Ash's gadget, a breaching gun, causes combustion.
• Thermite: "Thermite" is a mixture that produces extreme temperature, used commonly in incendiary bombs. Thermite's gadget, a special breaching charge, uses thermite to burn through reinforcements.
• Castle: A castle is a fortified structure meant to be strong and durable. Castle's gadget, highly durable barricades, are strong and durable, like a castle.
• Pulse: A "pulse" is a heartbeat. Pulse can detect enemies by hearing their heartbeat with his sensor.
• Glaz: "Glaz" is a word meaning "eye". A sniper has a very trained eye, and Glaz is a sniper. "Glaz" is also in his last name.
• Fuze: A "fuze" is a small length of material that allows a small flame to eventually detonate an explosive. Fuze's gadget is an explosive.
• Tachanka: A "tachanka" is a horse drawn cart fitted with a machine gun, typically crewed by 3 people. Tachanka's gadget is a machine gun. (His gadget is no longer a machine gun, but he still carries it as a primary weapon.)
• Kapkan: The word "kapkan" means a man trap. Kapkan uses five of these.
• Blitz: "Blitz" means an intense and sudden effort, as well as "flash". Blitz's gadget, a shield fitted with five flash bangs, blinds enemies and protects Blitz, allowing for intense and sudden assaults.
• IQ: "IQ" stands for Intelligence Quotient, a number score indicating one's reasoning capabilities and problem solving. IQ invented her electronics detector, presumably because she is very smart and as a result has a high IQ.
• Jäger: The word "Jäger" means "hunter" and was used to refer to elite infantry in the German army in the past. Jäger "hunts" grenades, shooting them out of the air with his gadget.
• Bandit: A "bandit" is a robber or outlaw belonging to a gang. Bandit used to be an undercover officer posing as a criminal, and was very good at it. It is during this time he invented his gadget.
• Buck: Buck is interesting. "Buck" is an actual name, as well as a verb meaning to resist or oppose something. It also is the male variety of some antlered animals that are commonly hunted. This ties in to Buck being a hunter as well as a fighter. (Again, interesting take, but it most likely refers to the "buckshot" shotgun shells that are loaded into his under-barrel 12 gauge shotgun)
• Frost: Frost is small ice crystals that form at cold temperatures. There really isn't any connection to her gadget trap with this, other than she hunts animals in cold environments using traps. (Most likely, when Ubisoft named her Frost, they had the condition "Frostbite" in mind. Frostbite occurs to ligaments of your body when you are too cold for your heart to get blood to every part of your body. Your cells start to die and if not treated, can lead to amputation or death. Hence, Frost's Welcome Mats "bite" attackers who step on them, putting them into a DBNO state, where they will eventually die if they are not revived.)

u/xD_Calitrocity:

• Blackbeard: "Blackbeard" is the name of an 18th century pirate who sailed with his crew around the West indies and East Coast of North America, stealing from merchants. Blackbeard, the operator, is a NAVY SEAL whose training and combat operations involve the ocean. His long black beard also plays into his name.
• Valkyrie: A Valkyrie is a being of ancient Norse mythology. They assisted soldiers in combat and led the fallen away. This ties into her role as a support operator. The word Valkyrie literally means, "chooser of the slain". In the game, Valkyrie can pinpoint the enemies' location using her hidden cameras, and kill them or call them out to a teammate to kill them. They also symbolize feminine strength, which Valkyrie certainly has with her defining biceps.
• Capitão: Capitão is the Portuguese word for "captain". Capitão is a distinguished military veteran who has lost an eye in his service. At this point in his military career, he has become a man of impressive stature and gained a high rank within the Brazilian armed forces.
• Caveira: "Caveira" is the Portuguese word for 'skull'. She represents death, and even has a skull painted on her face for intimidation purposes. Her intimidation factor is a big part of her playstyle, as operators won't see or hear her coming thanks to her silent step ability.
• Hibana: The most direct translation for the Japanese word "Hibana" is sparks, or sparkle. Sparks can happen when there is friction between two metal or rock surfaces. Hibana's 40mm grenade launcher fires explosive munitions that "sparkle" when burning themselves and exploding into the surface of a metal, reinforced wall.
• Echo: An Echo is a soundwave that bounces off, or reflects from other surfaces. Echo's drone fires a sonic burst of sound that bounces off of the ground and disorients enemies.
• Jackal: A jackal is a wild dog that is known for its hunting capability and co-operation with other animals to track and kill prey. Jackal in R6 can literally track operators' footprints and pinpoint their exact location to teammates.
• Mira: Mira is the Spanish word for "look". Mira's Black Mirror gadget is used by defenders to see where the attackers are coming from, through reinforced walls. Additionally, this is a play on her middle name, Maria. (Elena María "Mira" Álvarez)
• Ying: The word "Ying" in Chinese means, "a flickering light" or "a glimmer from the stars". Her gadget, the Candela, is a flickering light that blinds anyone within line of sight of the Candela. This is also a play on words of the Yin and Yang, the opposing life-energies that balance each other out and influence everything in the universe. Yin represents a dark, feminine power while Yang represents a bright, masculine power. Ying's name is only one letter off of both of them, representing balance.
• Lesion: A Lesion is an area of tissue where there is a serious infection or wound. Lesion's gadget is a poisonous mine that can damage the enemy over time if it is not removed immediately.
• Zofia: Zofia is a popular name for girls in Poland. Zofia is Polish. That is her name. (Sofia)
• Ela: Ela is short for her first name, Elżbieta. Elżbieta is a Polish name for girls. (Elizabeth)
• Dokkaebi: A Korean goblin-like entity, known for their supernatural abilities to interact with humans. Her ability to give away operator locations by calling their phone has to do with this. They are mischievous and known for playing tricks on people, but not necessarily evil: they can sometimes help humans when they choose to. Dokkaebi has had a history of mischief in her academic past.
• Vigil: The definition of vigil as a verb or noun means to stay in a place and quietly keep watch, waiting. This relates to Vigil as an operator because his playstyle involves waiting for enemies to walk close to his position, and to Vigil's ERC-7 gadget because he can become invisible to cameras.
• Lion: The drone used by Lion scans the area and a very loud audio cue plays during the scan. However, the real reason behind Lion's callsign is linked to his deployment history in Africa, fighting a Yellow Fever outbreak. He was part of a protection detail during an incursion into a village, when an angry mob showed up, looking to blame someone for the tragedy. His loud "roar" scared a mob of people who threatened his field investigation team, and the locals gave him the name "Lion".
• Finka: A "Finka" is a Finnish combat knife that is very popular in Russia, and is used by the Russian military. Finka is a skilled knife fighter. She and Kapkan had a training fight with knives, where both seriously injured each other. Kapkan gave her the nickname, Finka. She has a scar on the left side of her face, as a reminder of that moment.
• Maestro: Italian word for teacher, or master of a certain field. Maestro is a distinguished military character whose personality reflects that of a teacher. He serves a mediator between his teammates in quarrels, and doesn't hold ill-will towards anybody.
• Alibi: An Alibi is a claim, used by someone being accused of a crime, to say that they were somewhere else whilst a criminal act was occurring. Not only is Alibi a police interrogator, who deals with this tactic commonly, but her holograms reveal the ACTUAL location of operators who disrupt the projection of her holograms.
• Maverick: An archetype of person or animal who wanders from the flock and keeps an independent mind. It's also a word for someone who ignores organizational constraints and guidelines. These apply to Maverick, a member of Delta Force who spent much of his time in Kabul, Afghanistan undercover and alone. His personality also seems to reflect that of the quiet and self-conscious type.
• Clash: Her name refers to the riots and mob fights that she deals with as a crowd controller.
• Nomad: Nomad's name comes from her past as an explorer. She travelled the world and climbed the tallest mountains on Earth. A Nomad is a person who doesn't stay in one place. Her gadget ties into her name. It prevents roamers from accessing certain chokepoints of the building, while Nomad and the attackers have full range.
• Kaid: The commander (the Kaid) of the Fortress, a legendary training institution in the Atlas Mountains for the Moroccan Special Forces.
• Gridlock: A Gridlock is a traffic phenomenon which occurs in large cities during rush hour or crowded times. Traffic becomes backed up in every direction, which causes complete blockages of other intersections until every vehicle is at a standstill. Gridlocks' Trax prevent defenders from moving through areas that the Trax are deployed in, putting the defenders into a 'gridlock' so to speak.
• Mozzie: An Aussie slang word for "mosquito". Mozzie's "pests" (yes they are literally called pests) are a reference to a mosquito or parasite that attaches itself to attacker drones and repurposes them for defender use.
• Nøkk: A dangerous, shapeshifting water-spirit in Scandinavian folklore known to lure people towards a river or lake and drown them. Nøkk is a frogwoman in the Jaeger Corps of Denmark, a marine unit. She has the ability to completely vanish from camera view, relating to the shapeshifting ability of the Nøkk.
• Warden: A Warden is someone who is responsible for the oversight of a certain place or thing, who ensures that it runs smoothly and without implications. Warden, the operator, is a part of the United States Secret Service, and was previously responsible for directly saving the life of the Secretary of State.
• Amaru: An Amaru is a mythical serpent commonly associated with the native Peruvian Incan civilization. Amaru's family is linked to a history of explorers, and her background is associated with the cultural preservation of Peru, and the defense from cartels , giving Amaru the chance to protect her nation from invaders like the Incans never had.
• Goyo: The nickname given to the Popocatepetl Volcano near Mexico City, Mexico. Goyo's gadget is called a "Vulcan" canister, which means 'volcano' in Spanish.
• Kali: In Hinduism, Kali is the goddess of time, death, and apocalypse. Kali, the operator is the founder of a PMC (Private Military Corporation) and an expert sniper. She is very ego-oriented and is concerned with complete victory. Many of Kali's voicelines when she gets kills make direct references to the Hindu goddess.
• Wamai: A Swahili phrase which means, "of water". Wamai has a deep background in water, directly correlating to his naval background.
• Iana: A variation of the name 'Diana', the Moon goddess in Helenistic religion. She is a cosmonaut who briefly lived aboard the International Space Station. Her mother worked on spacecraft and encouraged her interest in the stars. Her quote on her biography alludes to constellations:"All systems are complementary, if you know how to connect them."
• Oryx: A class of Antelopes that live in harsh, arid regions of Africa and Asia, with dark markings on their face and horns being their primary defining features. They are extremely agile and fast when running. Oryx the operator is extremely physically fit, being able to climb through hatches and rush through soft walls.
• Ace: An Ace is someone who excels at a certain activity. In Western culture, the Ace card represents the highest chance for success in a situation, but the highest stakes. Ace, the operator excels and prevails in Search and Rescue operations. He is an ego-oriented person who saves people for clout, and because he knows he easily can.
• Melusi: A name of Zulu origin, meaning, "Shepard." Melusi serves with the Inkaba Task Force Anti-Poaching Unit, and protects endangered wild animals from being hunted by poachers. Her gadget, the Banshee Sonic Defense reveals the presence of attackers and leaves them vulnerable.
• Zero: A callsign picked up by Sam Fisher. It refers to his current position on Team Rainbow, as part of Rainbow Operation Staff.
• Aruni: An Sanskrit-derived word meaning 'Rising Sun'. Her laser gates reflect this name, as well as the season she was released in, Neon Dawn.
• Flores: Flores' callsign is a reference to the region he operated out of, Flores, Argentina. In this region, he robbed powerful criminals of their valuables and money to return to the poor.
• Thunderbird: In Nakoda culture, the Thunderbird represents a symbol of strength, power, and protection. Thunderbird the operator works as a flight medic, who pilots a helicopter and saves lives in the dense woodland. Her gadget also serves as a benefit to her teammates, healing them and providing similar aspects to that of the Thunderbird.
• Osa: The Croatian word for 'wasp'. This could be the result of a multitude of things. Her love of science-fiction movies, where wasp-like aliens seem to be prevalent in, her ability to dominate window control thanks to her clear shield, or because she just thought it was a cool name.
• Thorn: Thorn's gadget is an explosive device that fires extremely sharp flechette projectiles in every direction upon detonation. Flechette is sometimes used by militaries in shotgun shells to maim and incapacitate armored enemies. These projectiles are very similar to thorns: sharp, plant-based natural defense mechanisms. Her operator icon is a Celtic knot symbol adorned with thorns.
• Azami: Means "thistle-flower" in Japanese. Similar to Thorn's Celtic knot, the thistle flower represents a rough exterior, pride, and protection. All of those qualities are reflected in Azami.

Well this took a long time! If anybody found this useful then I'll be sure to update it! If not, I'll let it sit for 6 years and have someone else take it over for me.

For many historiers, the middle ages started after the fall of the Roman Empire and ended circa 1000 years later. The events related with the end of the middle age are many, but the most important are:

1. Americas discover by Colombus (1492)
2. Gutenberg's printer invention (1453)
3. Fall of Constantinopla (1453)
4. Hundred Years' War end (1453)

So, in that case, at least Aztecs and Incans civilization and campaings are outdated for the 1000 years span of AoE 2.

• The fall of Tenochtitlan ocurred in 1521, implied in Moctezuma campaign
• Capture of Atahualpa and the end of the Incan empire ocurred in 1533, implied in El Dorado campaign (HD) and Pachacuti (DE)

So... we can have until the 16th century to define new civilizations for AoE2 DE, one century and nothing more. With that, mapuches and some other civilizations and people can fit without issues.

Or if not the Horse specifically, what if the New World had more domesticatable animals which the peoples of the Americas could use for agriculture & transport? As this implies speculative evolution, I will be reposting this on the speculative evolution subreddit. Apparently, Horses originated in North America and crossed the land bridge into the open plains of central Asia before Beringia became the Bering Strait. The Horse would not be scene in North America until the Spanish reintroduced feral populations to the American plains (where it played a crucial transformative role in many Native societies like the Apache & Comanche). Let's say that in this timeline, the land bridge closed... but many species which went extinct somehow either survived or managed to evolve to the changing climate. I will let those with more expertise in Evolutionary biology point out all the problems with this or let their minds go wild with how certain creatures could adapt to this change. But while I am interested in the evolutionary route certain species could take, I am more concerned about retaining or containing creatures which could greatly impact the way societies in the New World are built. The kind which would provide societies in the New World with at least one major aspect of the Old World which allowed the large scale civilizations we think of today. I just put the Horse in because the impact of the Horse on early civilization cannot be understated. It is the Horse which allowed nomadic peoples like the Mongols to traverse and maintain such a large span of territory. Before the invention of the telegram, a man on a Horse was your internet. The Horse allowed the scope of civilization to expand in ways which certain other species simply could not. Sure, Oxes can pull carts. But do you really see them allowing civilizations to conquer the same amount of land and hold the same advantage of cavalry warfare which the Horse provided? The Horse was a valuable asset to the creation of modern civilization. Hell, the largest empire in the New World, the Incan Empire, was already managing a network of messengers on foot with a line of fire signals to send messages. Imagine how the Horse (or perhaps some alternative evolutionary equivalent) would impact the ability of Native populations to form entire Empires. Like I said, I am interested in the Evolutionary biology. But only to the extent that the timeline can be manageable for a thought experiment. So while species which originated in North America existing in both the old & new world has potential dramatic ratifications for the course of the evolution of certain species, let's just say that the only major changes happen in the New World. I don't know how realistic this is, and I'll let the Speculative evolution community & Evolutionary biology community dispute the potential problems with this. I'm just interested in what the Spanish Empire could find by the time they first set foot in the New World. I'm not expecting them to immediately become like the Old World in every possible way. In some cases, due to a slew of unforeseeable events, they could very much still fall behind in some places. This scenario is more speculative than actual. The existence of a slew of domesticatable species in the New World would dramatically change the formation of entire cultures. So feel free to be creative with the potential civilizations which could arise from this.

Since nobody has attempted to take a closer look at LaVey’s list of infernal names in The Satanic Bible, or at least has not made it publicly available, I decided to explore what was not surprisingly a large number of rabbit holes.
Abaddon—(Hebrew) the destroyer
Abaddon is equivalent to the Greek Apollyon, meaning “destruction” and “destroyer,” respectively. The Christian Bible refers to Abaddon as both a place of destruction and as an archangel of the pit. The Bible describes him as the king of an army of locusts. Methodist writing tells us that Abaddon is an angel in the service of God, however, and Jehova’s Witnesses consider him a representative of God who possesses the key of the abyss. Abaddon in rabbinical scripture appears to be a physical compartment of “the burning place”, the Valley of Gehenna (now Hinnom).
Adramelech—Samarian devil
The residents of the ancient Babylonian city of Sepharvaim was the center of the worship of the god Adrammelech. At the deportation of the Israelite tribes, some of them resettled in Samaria, and they would not have taken the gods of another religion with them. However, lamenting the fate of the Israelites, the Christian Bible would have us believe that the Sepharvites burned their children in a fire sacrifice to Adrammelech. It is believable that the Samarian Israelites had a bone to pick with their former host and would describe their practices as barbarous, effectively turning their gods into devils.
Ahpuch—Mayan devil
Ah Puch is one of the former many names of the Maya death god. He is lord of the Underworld, where he rules over the world of the dead; also, he is the god of darkness, disaster, childbirth, and beginnings. The name “Ah Puch” means to melt but does not seem to be an original Maya name; it rather comes from books about the Maya. Mayans today call him Yum Cim or Yum Cimil.
Ahriman—Mazdean devil
Ahriman is the Middle Persian equivalent of Angra Mainyu, and is the Zoroastrian “destructive spirit” and adversary of the Zoroastrian highest deity. (“Mazdean” is another word for Zoroastrianism.)
Amon—Egyptian ram-headed god of life and reproduction
Amun was a major Egyptian deity and was the champion of the poor or troubled, and central to personal piety. He held chief importance in ancient Egypt and was even worshiped outside of Egypt; in Greece, Amun became associated with Zeus as Zeus Ammon. He was not equipped with a ram’s head until the Egyptian conquest of the Kingdom of Kush, when they identified the ram-headed chief deity of the Kushites as Amun. From then, by the association with the ram, Amun became thought of as a god of fertility.
Apollyon—Greek synonym for Satan, the arch fiend
The Greek mythology had no concept of Satan. Apollyon is the Greek name for Abaddon. Any connection to Satan would be the Christian Bible’s use of Abaddon.
Asmodeus—Hebrew devil of sensuality and luxury, originally "creature of judgement"
This Hebrew devil was considered a prince of demons and most known for slaying seven successive men on their wedding nights to prevent the Biblical Sarah from having children, and for being tricked by King Solomon into collaborating in the construction of the Temple of Jerusalem. Asmodeus was not associated with lust until the European witch trials when the Malleus Maleficarum defined this far worse trait. Lemegeton Clavicula Salomonis, also known as The Lesser Key of Solomon, describes him with three heads: a bull’s head, a human head, and a ram’s head. (The Lesser Key of Solomon is a mid-17th century anonymous grimoire on demonology compiled of various sources a few centuries older.)
Astaroth—Phoenician goddess of lasciviousness, equivalent of Babylonian Ishtar
The Phoenician goddess was named Astarte, which is written as Ashtoreth in the Hebrew Bible. Astarte was associated in various cultures with war, sexuality, royal power, healing, and hunting. However, although war was the most significant, LaVey mentions only sexuality in the specific form of lasciviousness. Astarte is analogous to the Mesopotamian goddess Ishtar (see below), originally know as Inanna.
Azazel—(Hebrew) taught man to make weapons of war, introduced cosmetics
The name Azazel was associated with the Hebrew scapegoat rite, where a goat was blamed with all the sins of the Jews during Yom Kippur, and was sent to a desolate place represented by Azazel’s name. Greek influence and Christian narrative caused Azazel to be interpreted as a fallen angel in the apocryphal Book of Enoch, responsible for introducing forbidden knowledge to man—more specifically, for teaching people to make weapons and cosmetics.
Baalberith—Canaanite Lord of the covenant who was later made a devil
According to the Christian Bible, Baʿalberith was indeed Lord of the Covenant and worshiped in ancient Canaan. Rabbinic literature instead equates him with Baʿal Zebub, below. The notion that he was Lord of the Covenant is that Jews were reported so devoted to his idol, a fly, which they would carry with them everywhere that they made a covenant with him.
Balaam—Hebrew Devil of avarice and greed
The Hebrew Balaam is described as a human being, albeit a wicked one, as he told the Israelite enemy how to get the Israelites to commit sin by enticing them with sexual immorality and food sacrificed to idols. It apparently worked, and their resulting punishment from God with a deadly plague made him quite unpopular. LaVey’s source is unknown, but the Hebrew story seems even better from a Satanic point of view. This points towards the Second Epistle of Peter, in which Balaam is a false prophet motivated by greed and avarice.
Baphomet—worshipped by the Templars as symbolic of Satan
Baphomet was never worshiped by the Knights Templars. It was a later accusation of idolatry and probably a misnomer for the Muslim prophet Mohammad that the Templars had obvious reasons to talk about. Some Templars were tortured into confessions of devil-worship, giving historians convenient written, albeit dubious, sources for such claims.
Bast—Egyptian goddess of pleasure represented by the cat
Bastet (with a female suffix) was an Egyptian lioness warrior goddess representing a powerful warrior and protector aspect. As Bastet and Sekhmet became two aspects of the same goddess, Bastet was increasingly depicted as a cat with the gentler aspect. The latter also earned her the role of goddess of pregnancy and childbirth.
Beelzebub—(Hebrew) Lord of the Flies, taken from symbolism of the scarab
The name of the Philistine Beelzebub, once the Canaanite deity Baal, literally translated means “lord of the flies,” and has nothing to do with the scarab. There is speculation that this interpretation of the name was used by Israelites to call the god of their long-standing Philistine enemies a pile of dung. Later, Christian theologists further demoted Beelzebub to a devil.
Behemoth—Hebrew personification of Satan in the form of an elephant
Behemoth appeared in the Christian Bible, where he was described as a kind of primeval creature so powerful that only God could defeat him. There are no records that Behemoth was Satan (especially since Satan did not become the villain we now know until later Biblical texts) nor had Behemoth form of an elephant. Younger writing has Behemoth be the land counterpart of the sea monster, Leviathan, and the sky monster, Ziz. In fact, the Biblical description of Behemoth describes features that are absent on the elephant; the only feature shared is size.
Beherit—Syriac name for Satan
El Berith and Baʿalberith, above, were two gods worshiped in ancient Canaan. Their names mean “God of the Covenant” and “Lord of the Covenant.” It is unclear whether they were the same one god, and it is unclear what the covenant is.
Bilé—Celtic god of Hell
The Celtic deity was named Belenus, with Bile as a rare variant of its name; Bilé is a character in the medieval Christian history of Ireland where he is the legendary ancestor of the Irish. Belenus was a sun god and a healing god, and is often identified with the Greek Apollo. Nothing indicates any connection with Hell—which is understandable, because the Celtic mythology had no such place. (However, Roman influence supplied Celtic mythology with concepts of an underworld, and Caesar described Belenus as Dis Pater or Pluto.)
Chemosh—national god of Moabites, later a devil
Chemosh was indeed the Moabite god. There is no indication that it became a devil (of the Moabites?) but considering that Moab and Israel were at each others’ teeth, the worship of Chemosh was frowned upon.
Cimeries—rides a black horse and rules Africa
This description of Kimaris is found in The Lesser Key of Solomon. The specific source of Kimaris is Johann Weyer’s Pseudomonarchia Daemonium, a catalog of demons that is thought to be a satirical description of the organization of the Catholic church at the time. Here, he is a godly warrior riding a black horse, controlling twenty legions. He teaches grammar, logic, and rhetoric, and to make man into a warrior like himself, and he has the ability to locate hidden treasures.
Coyote—American Indian devil
Coyote is common to many of the American Indian cultures, and is not surprisingly based on its namesake animal. The myths vary greatly, but Coyote is usually male and anthropomorphic, sometimes with coyote-like features such as claws, yellow eyes, or a tail. Coyote played the role of the trickster, not a devil. The purpose of the trickster is to spur change in a universe that is governed by gods who would otherwise be able to direct the future.
Dagon—Philistine avenging devil of the sea
Dagon was a Sumerian “father of gods” that was worshiped in ancient Syria. Hebrew scripture claims that Dagon was the national god of the Philistine, but no evidence supports this. The Hebrew translation of the name has an association with “fish,” which has incorrectly led to the interpretation of Dagon having to do with the sea. Nothing indicates that Dagon had any devilish or avenging features.
Damballa—Voodoo serpent god
Damballa is one of the most important spirits of Voodoo religion, and is usually portrayed as a great white serpent. Damballa is generally considered the primordial creator of all life. It is seen as benevolent, patient, wise, and kind. Mixture with Christian mythology has merged Damballa with either Saint Patrick or Moses.
Demogorgon—Greek name of the devil, it is said should not be known to mortals
Demogorgon is thought to be a misreading of the Greek word “demiurge.” An original text had said “the supreme being of the three-fold world,” but one manuscript turned this into speaking of the Demogorgon, the supreme god, whose name the speaker in the manuscript is not permitted to know. How demiurge (mistranslated into Demogorgon) had entered the text is a mystery, too, but it took on a life of its own in later literature. If the use of demiurge has any merit, it meant the fashioning and maintenance (but not the creation) of the universe, and only in Gnostic dualism was it turned evil for its direct connection with the material universe.
Diabolus—(Greek) "flowing downwards"
Diabolus is Latin, but it is derived from the Greek “diábolos.” This is a contraction of the Greek words for “dia” and “bállein,” that is, “across” and “hurl,” becoming “slander.” (Think of throwing smut at someone.) Diabolus was borrowed by Germanic languages, and “Devil” is the modern spelling of the Middle English “devel,” from the Old English “dēofol.”
Dracula—Romanian name for devil
Bram Stoker, the author of the famous 1897 novel Dracula, would agree, because he had come across the name during a vacation in Romania, and believed it meant “devil.” Alas, it is just a name, albeit Romanian it is. Some think Bram Stoker was inspired by the historical figures of the Romanian emperor Vlad the Impaler (especially due to being named Vlad Drăculea, being a son of Vlad Dracul, as an alternative to his name Vlad Țepeș), or the Hungarian countess Elizabeth Báthory, but there is no consensus. If one wishes to use a Romanian word for a blood-sucking monster, I recommend looking into strigoi instead. They are troubled spirits said to have risen from the grave.
Emma-O—Japanese ruler of Hell
In Buddhist mythology, Yama is the Son of Heaven and the King of Hell in the sense that he is a wrathful god who judges and presides over the purgatories (lacking a better term) and the cycle of afterlife, Saṃsāra. One may consider this a devil, but the Buddhist “hell” has a very different meaning than that of the Christian Hell that LaVey usually speaks of.
Euronymous—Greek prince of death
“Prince of death” is an overstatement. The only source of Euronymous is Greek geographer Pausanias describing a painting in the 2nd century. According to the Delphian guides, the painting illustrated Euronymous as one of the daimones (that is, a helper, not a demon in our modern understanding) of Hades, who eats off the flesh of the corpses.
Fenriz—son of Loki, depicted as a wolf
Fenrir was not merely depicted as a wolf, it was a wolf in Norse mythology. It would eventually swallow Odin, the king of the gods, during Ragnarök.
Gorgo—dim. of Demogorgon, Greek name of the devil
Gorgo is another term for Demogorgon; see the comments above.
Haborym—Hebrew synonym for Satan
LaVey has again consulted The Lesser Key of Solomon where we learn that Haborym is a Duke of Hell. He burns cities and castles, makes men witty, and gives true answers on private matters. He reportedly has the body of a man but the three heads of a serpent, a man, and a cat.
Hecate—Greek goddess of the underworld and witchcraft
Hecate’s connection to the underworld stems mainly from being a goddess of entrance-ways and crossroads, including those between realms, especially in the late antiquity. She was associated with magic and witchcraft, knowledge of plant lore, medicine, and poison, sorcery, and necromancy. But, she was also worshiped as the protector of households.
Ishtar—Babylonian goddess of fertility
Mesopotanian goddess Inanna, later to become Ishtar to the Babylonians, was associated with love, beauty, and sex, but also with war, justice, and political power.
Kali—(Hindu) daughter of Shiva, high priestess of the Thuggees
Kali was considered the goddess of time, change, creation, destruction, and power. She is also thought to be the ultimate reality. Kali emerged from Shiva rather than being born, and is the mother of all living beings, who destroys evil to protect the innocent. Kali is the manifestation of Shakti, Hinduism’s concept of the primordial cosmic energy, which can be creative, sustaining, as well as destructive. One may find this thought useful in the context of LaVey’s notion of “the powers of darkness” is mentioned later in the same chapter as the infernal names.
The Thuggees were a gang of murderers and robbers, as the name implies (“thug” comes from Hindi “ṭhag”). Many of them considered themselves to be the children of Kali, but, Kali being an imaginary entity, obviously Kali cannot have been anyone’s high priestess.
Lilith—Hebrew female devil, Adam's first wife who taught him the ropes
Some Jewish satirical folklore, but not any recognized belief, has it that Lilith was Adam’s first wife, who had to be replaced because she refused to obey him, and that, being Adam’s wife, she was the first to cohabit with man. Apparently this was worse than having Eve taking the latter role. The idea of Lilith as a devil may have emerged from the similarity between her name and the Akkadian words lilu, meaning spirit, and alu, meaning demon.
Loki—Teutonic devil
Loki is a figure in Norse mythology and was no devil. Like Coyote, he occupies the role of the trickster in the otherwise highly predetermined universe of the Norse gods. It is unclear why LaVey classifies Loki as a Teutonic character; he may have mistaken Loki’s origin due to his excitement with Wagner’s music, or because the Norse gods appear in Germanic folklore.
Mammon—Aramaic god of wealth and profit
“Mammon” merely meant wealth and profit, or means to gain it. In the Christian Bible, it became personified as a bad guy a few centuries after Jesus reportedly had said that one cannot serve both God and mammon.
Mania—Etruscan goddess of Hell
Etruscan goddess of the dead, Mania ruled the underworld together with Mantus (coming up next), and was the mother of ghosts and the undead. Roman and Etruscan mythology describes her as goddess of spirits and chaos. In Greek mythology, however, Mania describes a group of spirits personifying insanity, and its use has persisted beyond the 20th century psychology where its use describes affective behavior.
Mantus—Etruscan god of Hell
Mantus was an Etruscan god of the underworld alongside Mania (see above), and a a spirit of the dead. LaVey’s association of Mantus with Hell is unconfirmed, however, because few religions equate the underworld with the Christian Hell.
Marduk—god of the city of Babylon
Marduk was the “calf of the sun” and for centuries was the head of the Babylonian pantheon. He was associated with water, vegetation, judgment, and magic. Marduk appears to have been a patron deity of the city Babylon serving the same social cohesion purpose for the city as religion does for a nation.
Mastema—Hebrew synonym for Satan
Mastema was an angel who appears in The Book of Jubilees, a Jewish text outside of the Bible. He persecuted evil, and, like Satan, carried out punishments for God and tempted humans to test their faith. He is considered the angel of disaster and the father of all evil. Mastema is nonetheless not Satan according to the Bible, because he has a function to fulfill under God rather than that of Satan, who is the uttermost enemy of God. Mastema is the chief of the Nephilim (children of fallen angels and humans), but it is unclear whether he is considered a Nephilim himself. Like Mammon, Mastema is a personification of a Hebrew word, this one meaning “hatred,” “hostility,” or “persecution.”
Melek Taus—Yezidi devil
The Yazidi do not consider this leader of the Archangels to be a devil. In fact, their mythology reveres the angel for its loyalty towards God when, as a test of loyalty, God ordered the angel to bow before Adam (the first Man). By refusing to prostrate itself to anyone but its creator, Melek Taûs passed the test. This seemed so similar to the myth of the fall of Lucifer in Christian and Muslim mythology that both religions concluded Melek Taûs was their fallen angel in spite of its opposite fate. The accusations led to centuries of violent religious persecution, expulsion, and genocide extending into the 21st century.
Mephistopheles—(Greek) he who shuns the light, q. v. Faust
Mephistopheles is a fictional character (which of course does not distinguish him from any of the other gods) in German folklore, where he appears as a demon in the Faust legend. The name can mean three things: not loving light, not loving Faust, or as a designation for poisonous earthly vapors. The name was most likely invented for the historical alchemist Johann Georg Faust. The legend of Faust has it that Faust made a pact with the Devil, with Mephistopheles acting as the Devil’s agent.
Metztli—Aztec goddess of the night
Metztli was a god or a goddess—the gender is unknown—of the moon, the night, and farmers. Metztli is speculated to be the same deity as Yohaulticetl or Coyolxauhqui and the (male) moon god Tecciztecatl. The latter feared the Sun because of its fire.
Mictian—Aztec god of death
Mictlāntēcutli was the most prominent of several Aztec gods of death and the underworld. The worship of Mictlāntēcutli sometimes involved ritualistic cannibalism. Mictlan was the underworld.
Midgard—son of Loki, depicted as a serpent
Midgard was the realm of humans in Norse mythology; the monster was named Jörmungandr, or the “World Serpent” which encircled the earth, and thus was the ouroberos of Norse mythology; its releasing it tail marks the beginning of Ragnarök. Naming it “Midgard” is like renaming Godzilla “Tokyo” for its choice of playground.
Milcom—Ammonite devil
Milcom was the national god of the Ammonites. Seals of Milcom indicate that he was seen as benevolent, exalted, and strong. Hebrew literature, on the other hand, has him on a blacklist of deities whose worship offends the Israeli god, Yahweh.
Moloch—Phoenician and Canaanite devil
The name Moloch occurs in several places of the Hebrew Bible. It condemns practices associated with Moloch, which apparently included child sacrifice. There is doubt whether Moloch was a Canaanite god or whether it rather refers to a type of sacrifice performed to Yahweh or other gods.
Mormo—(Greek) King of the Ghouls, consort of Hecate
Mormo was a female spirit in Greek folklore. Her name was used by mothers and nurses to frighten children to keep them from misbehaving. Hecate had a consort named Mormo who would bite children—it may be the same figure.
Naamah—Hebrew female devil of seduction
Naamah was a human being who earned her name, meaning “pleasant,” by seducing men through playing the cymbals. Later Jewish mysticism converts Naamah to a demon, who seduced Adam and had demonic children with him that became the plagues of mankind. She and Lilith cause epilepsy in children. Naamah is also the mother of Asmodeus whom we met earlier.
Nergal—Babylonian god of Hades
Hades is found in Greek mythology, and is either the underworld or the god of the underworld, depending on the period. Nergal occupies a similar role as a Babylonian god that is related to war, disease, and the underworld. He eventually developed from a war god into a god of the underworld.
Nihasa—American Indian devil
I have not been able to find any mention of a devil or god named Nihasa.
Nija—Polish god of the underworld
Niya is a Polish god of the underworld, but its function and gender are unkown. It was first mentioned in a sermon in the 15th century. Remnants of a cult site has later been found that supports a 15th century mention of a Niya cult and an equivalence with Pluto.
O-Yama—Japanese name for Satan
Buddhist mythology has Yama be a wrathful god that judges the dead and presides over the purgatories and sometimes the cycle of rebirth, like Emma-O, above. Yama is also the Hindu god of death
Pan—Greek god of lust, later relegated to devildom
Pan was the Greek god of the wild, shepherds and flocks, and rustic music, and is a companion of the nymphs. Pan is famous for his sexual prowess. The conversion to a devil seems to have been made by Aleister Crowley and Anton LaVey himself, although Pan’s goatish image is similar to conventional faun-like depictions of Satan.
Pluto—Greek god of the underworld
The underworld of Greek mythology was once ruled by the god Hades. This became the name of the underworld itself, and the god was renamed Pluto. Hades and Pluto differ in character, where Pluto represents the more positive concept. Christianity of course identified the underworld with their Hell, and the classical deities, including Pluto, became casually interchangeable with Satan.
Proserpine—Greek queen of the underworld
Proserpina was found in the Roman mythology. In Greek she is known as Persephone. She became a queen of the underworld by being abducted by Hades, who kept her as his wife. By a curse made by her mother, her captivity would prevent vegetation on Earth. The king of the gods arranged with Hades that she spend only the winter with Hades, and her return each spring would cause the crops to grow. She is thus associated with spring and growth.
Pwcca—Welsh name for Satan
The púca are spirits of Celtic folklore that were bringers of both good and bad fortune, and could help or hinder a community. They were said to be shape-changers who could take the appearance of common animals. The púca was often associated with Samhain, i.e., Halloween. They are similar to pixies in English and pookas in Ireland.
Rimmon—Syrian devil worshipped at Damascus
Rimmon is the name of the figure and temple of the Syrian deity Baal. The Biblical passage that mentions Rimmon indicates that it may have been in Damascus, and that the Israeli considered it a false god.
Sabazios—Phrygian origin, identified with Dionysos, snake worship
Sabazios was the “sky father” god of the Phrygians and the Thracians. The Greek identified him with Zeus or Dionysos, but unlike these two deities, Sabazios was always shown as a nomadic god on horseback where he wielded a characteristic staff of power. The origin appears to be Macedonian, and Macedonians were noted horsemen. A place of Sabazios worship has been found in what is now Bulgaria. Serpent worship is a later Christian claim.
Saitan—Enochian equivalent of Satan
A genuine reference to Satan (at last!), Saitan is found nowhere—including the artificial Enochian language created by Edward Kelley and John Dee (see The Book of Leviathan in The Satanic Bible). This name for Satan was inserted by LaVey, replacing the Enochian word for God (“Iad” or “Iaida”) in some places.
Sammael—(Hebrew) "venom of God"
Samael is an archangel whose name means “Venom of God” in Hebrew. He took the role of the accuser (Ha-Satan), a seducer, and a destroyer. These functions parallel the Christian notion of Satan; however, his functions of carrying out the will of God are regarded as resulting in good, such as destroying sinners. In the Kabbalah (that is, much later) he figures as a demon and partner of Lilith, with whom he sires plenty of demonic offspring.
Samnu—Central Asian devil
Tiānmó, Tenma, or, the most commonly used name Mara is a Buddhist demonic celestica king who attempted to seduce Buddha with visions of beautiful women. Buddhist cosmology associates Mara with death, rebirth, and desire.
Sedit—American Indian devil
Sedit appears in the Wintun mythology, where he reportedly thwarted the creator deity’s attempt to build a bridge for humans to reunite with their Creator by talking the constructors into having sex to procreate the human species. In his attempt to escape the crime scene, Sedit dies himself, thus—according to the Creator—turning humans into mortals.
While this could be a genuine myth of Wintu origin, the only source is William Guy Carr, a devout Christian, antisemitic conspiracy theorist, who believed in the existence of a Satanic World Order bent on world domination since the antique. Carr wrote about this in Satan, Prince of this World, 1959. With this title, it is sure to have caught LaVey’s attention and he must have learned of Sedit there. Still, as a character unwittingly causing human mortality, Sedit may be a useful identification, but the validity of its origins remains in question.
Sekhmet—Egyptian goddess of vengeance
Sekhmet was an Egyptian solar deity. She was a warrior lioness goddess (like Bastet, above) and a goddess of healing. She acted as the vengeful manifestation of Ra’s (the Sun god) power, being said to breathe fire. Sekhmet was believed to cause plagues but could also be asked to ward off disease.
Set—Egyptian devil
Set was an Egyptian god of the desert, storms, disorder, violence, and foreigners. The most important Egyptian myth has it that Set is an usurper who killed and mutilated his brother. The wife of the brother resurrected him long enough to beget a son, Horus, who sought revenge on Set. He is portrayed as the “Set animal,” an animal figure that does not resemble any known animal, but was later portrayed as a donkey. The demonization of Set occurred as a result of Egypt’s many conquests when the conquered nations associated the god of foreigners with oppressive foreigners.
Shaitan—Arabic name for Satan
Islamic beliefs include a variety of Shayāṭīn, meaning devils or demons; the singular is Shaiṭān. The Arabic name for Satan, in the Quran, is Iblis, who is the father of the shayatin. That said, Shaitan sometimes refers to Iblis in his role as a tempter. Islamic literature make the shayatin teach sorcery, assault heaven to steal the news of the angels, lurk on humans, and has them responsible for various calamities which may affect personal life. Both Hadith and folklore usually speak about the shayatin in abstract terms, describing their evil influence only.
Shiva—(Hindu) the destroyer
Lord Shiva is “The Great God” in Hinduism, and the major tradition of Shaivism considers him the supreme being. Shiva is the deity of death and time, and is “the destroyer” in the triple deity of supreme gods that includes Brahma and Vishnu. Shiva is described as benevolent, leading an ascetic life with his family, or as a fearsome slayer of demons.
Supay—Inca god of the underworld
Incan mythology casts Supay as the god of death and the ruler of the underworld and a race of demons. Christian priests used his name to refer to the Devil during the Spanish colonization. Fearing Supay, the Inca would beg him to spare them, but unlike the Christians, they did not repudiate him. In South America, Supay has obtained the symbology of the Devil, and his name is roughly translated into “diablo,” the Spanish word for devil.
T'an-mo—Chinese counterpart to the devil, covetousness, desire
Another spelling of Samnu, above.
Tchort—Russian name for Satan, "black god"
A chort is an anthropomorphic malign spirit or demon in Slavic folklore. Chorts are often depicted as similar to the Christian devils, that is, with horns, hooves, and a tail. Stories about them often revolve around how they attempt to trick people into selling their souls. Turkish/Anatolian folklore have a variant of this spirit as well.
Tezcatlipoca—Aztec god of Hell
Tezcatlipoca was a central deity in Aztec mythology. He was the God of providence, and was associated with a wide range of concepts, including the night and the invisible, the north, the earth, hostility and discord, rulership, divination, temptation, sorcery, beauty, and war. His being “the invisible” appears to be because of the lack of surviving depictions, due to Catholics destroying as many sources as they could. Tezcatlipoca and Quetzalcoatl created the world together.
Thamuz—Sumerian god who later was relegated to devildom
Dumuzid, later to become known as Tammuz, was a Sumerian god associated with shepherds, fertility, and vegetation. Dumuzid was forced to spend half of his time in the underworld for not having mourned the death of the goddess Inanna (later known as Ishtar), thus representing the cycling of the seasons. Any relegation to devildom would be that Christians habitually consider all other gods to be the Devil in His many disguises.
Thoth—Egyptian god of magic
Thoth was an Egyptian deity with the head of an ibis or a baboon, was the god of the moon, wisdom, writing, hieroglyphs, science, magic, art, and judgment. His Greek equivalent is Hermes. Thoth later became strongly associated with the arbitration of godly disputes, the arts of magic, the system of writing, and the judgment of the dead. As A’an (baboon-headed) he was also the god of equilibrium, when the hearts of the deceased were weighed.
Tunrida—Scandanavian female devil
Scandinavian mythology is either Norse mythology or Finnish mythology, and neither mention a character named Tunrida. I speculate that it may be LaVey’s rendition of Tuonetar: she was the blind mistress and daughter of Tuoni, the personification of Death, with whom she ruled over the underworld Tuonela. She was the mother of a great selection of plagues, monsters, and demons. If anything, any name ending with “tar” was either a demon or a girl.
Typhon—Greek personification of Satan
Typhon was a monstrous serpentine giant and one of the deadliest creatures in Greek mythology. Typhon challenged the king of the gods for the rule of cosmos, but lost the cataclysmic battle and was cast into Tartarus, the underworld. There is no known association with the Christian Satan, but LaVey may have had the Biblical myth of Lucifer being cast to Hell in mind.
Yaotzin—Aztec god of Hell
Yaotzin is one of many names of Xipe Totec, the Aztec god of force and agriculture, and lord of the seasons, regeneration, and crafts. He was also associated with inflammation, eye diseases, and pimples. The Aztecs believed that Xipe Totec invented war.
Yen-lo-Wang—Chinese ruler of Hell
Yanluo Wang is a deity in Chinese religion and Taoism. He is the fifth judge in a court of the underworld, where he judges the dead. Those who had committed misdeeds were sentenced to torture or a future miserable life. The Chinese religion has a significant number of different hells, but Yanluo Wang is the most famous in terms of iconography. Yanluo Wang is possibly an equivalent of the Yama-variants above, Emma-O and O-Yama.

I've discussed this before, but a plenty of times I really want to listen to a book, but it just won't be available for various reasons. Of course, over the years, my patience has been rewarded in some very big ways. Case in point, the book we're going to be reviewing today. We're going to be taking a look at A Different Flesh by Harry Turtledove
A Different Flesh is a collection of short stories set in the same universe. In the world of A Different Flesh, the ancestors of the Native Americans never crossed the Bering land bridge during the Ice Age. However, Homo Erectus did cross into the Americas. Thus, when the Europeans discover the Americas, they don't find any Native American civilizations, but they do find tribes of Homo Erectus, whom they refer to as sims. Also, the Ice Age megafauna of the Americas never went extinct, so the Europeans also discover a land full of woolly mammoths, sabertooth cats, giant ground sloths, and giant armadillos among other things.
The stories follow the history of the Federated Commonwealths of America, this world's equivalent of the United States of America. Before the start of each story, the mood is set with an excerpt from a book about the history of the FCA. It also provides great details about the history of this world that don't quite make it into the stories. The excerpts also chronicle the relationship between humans and sims.
We're going to take a look at each of the stories individually, but I'm going to give some overall thoughts first. Well, I can most certainly say that this book was well worth the wait. Harry Turtledove says that he got the idea for this series when he read an article by the late great paleontologist Stephen Jay Gould. Gould pondered what might have happened if John Smith and the Jamestown colonists had discovered Australopithecus rather than Native Americans in Virginia. Gould concluded that it would not have ended well for Australopithecus. Turtledove certainly seems to have come to the same conclusion. One thing I think he did well was that, though he wrote the sims as sympathetic, he never made them too anthropomorphized. You can definitely see similarities between humans and sims, as is to be expected, but at the same time sims clearly act and think differently than humans.
The first story is called "Vilest Beast" and is set in Jamestown, Virginia in the year 1610. Without the Native Americans and their corn, the colonists are having an even hard time than they did in our world. Despite this, Edward Wingfield and his wife Anne are making the best of things. Things change when their infant daughter Joanna is kidnapped by a tribe of sims. Edward must lead a search party to get her back.
Given what inspired these stories, it's fitting that the first should take place in Jamestown. Speaking which, we learn how things went with John Smith and the Sims. It ended badly...for John Smith. Apparently, the sims killed him in 1607, and his death was a considerable blow to the moral of the colony. Overall, I would say the way Turtledove portrays the sims still holds up based on what we know about Homo Erectus. There's never called Homo Erectus in any of the stories, but Turtledove has confirmed this is the case in interviews. Also, the excerpt from the text book mentions that sim fossils have been discovered in East Africa, South China, and the island of Java. All of which are places Homo Erectus fossils have been found.
It might come across as a bit silly that they're called sims, but how was Turtledove to know that there would one day be a video game called The Sims? These stories were written between 1985-1988, with A Different Flesh being published in 1988. I'm guessing it was intended to be short for simians, or something like that.
Also, fun fact, Edward Wingfield was a real person who existed in our world. I've got to admit, this story hooked me from the start. I've always been fascinated by the colonization of the Americas, especially the different ways it often plays out in alternate history. I'm also a big paleontology fan, so this story was kind of a match made in heaven. Really, the whole book was kind of like that. I found it realistic that the colonist struggled more without corn to supplement their diets. It can't be stressed enough what a difference corn made to the early colonization of the Americas. Curiously, later stories make mention of a colony in Massachusetts, which is called Plymouth in this world because Massachusetts got its name from the Native Americans. Obviously, this means the Pilgrims still happened, but without any corn they would have been completely screwed.
Anyway, I loved how the story resolves. Turns out the sims took Joanna because they wanted to learn more about the colonists by studying one of their young. By all accounts, the sims treated Joanna no differently than one of their own young Edward spends most of the story viewing the sims as nothing more than wild animals, but after this, he starts to realize they aren't so different. He even briefly worries about what's going to happen to the sims as the European continue to colonize the New World. All in all, "Vilest Beast" is a great start to the collection.
The next story is called "And So To Bed". It is set in 1661 and is told in the form of the diary of Samuel Pepys. He's a figure from our world, a great English statesman, and the Pepys of our world is indeed famous for his diary. In the world of A Different Flesh, however, Pepys' diary holds a different significance. He notes that there is a clear link between chimps, Sims and humans. He wonders if there's some process that slowly changes life over time.
This was one of the weaker stories, but it has some interesting ideas. It makes sense that the Theory of Evolution was developed earlier. Sims are an obvious link between humans and animals. It was also fun to learn about a historical figure I'd never heard of before. Well, anyway, moving right along.
The third story is titled "Around the Salt Lick". It takes place in the year 1691 and follows a scout named Thomas Kenton and his loyal sim companion Charles. Thomas is hunting spearfang cats for their valuable fangs. Spearfang cats have gotten a bit rare in Virginia, so Thomas and Charles have had to push into the frontier to find the bounty. However, things get a bit complicated when they come into conflict with a tribe of wild sims.
This one was maybe not my favorite, but not too bad either. I did find it funny at the end where Charles turns out to be snobby towards wild sims. He views them much the same as humans do. We learn that sims can communicate via sign language, but not vocal speech. The excerpt from the history book provides more worldbuilding hints. Apparently, England adopted the Divine Right of Kings model of government. People who objected to this moved to America in droves. This would suggest that the English Civil War never happened in this world. Well, that or maybe the Royalist won. Also, apparently Spain had a much harder time colonizing the New World without the Aztec and Inca to conquer. By the time of "Around the Salt Lick" they've only got two successful colonies: Argentina and New Grenada.
Argentina makes sense, because it has a fairly European climate, but New Grenada? That was in Colombia, Venezuela and Ecuador in our world. Unless it was somewhere else, that makes a bit less sense, especially since it is said Spain struggled to colonize the tropics without any corn. Also, without Aztec and Incan gold and silver, Spain would have a harder time financing their wars in Europe. That would potentially mean the European History took some very different turns. Of course, that might explain what happened in England. Turtledove is mostly focused on stories about the sims, but he's certainly lead tantalizing hints at a wider world.
The fourth story is titled "The Iron Elephant" and is set in 1782. Hairy elephants play a major role in the Federated Commonwealths of America. They haul passenger carriages and freight cars all across the nation. However, this time-honored institution is facing competition from the new invention of steam-powered locomotives. A race has been organized between a team of mammoth drivers and a train engineer. Can flesh and blood triumph over iron and steam?
Yeah, this one is sort of an alternate history retelling of the legend of John Henry. John Henry is my favorite American Folk Hero, so I'm not complaining. We get even more worldbuilding here. Apparently, in order to tame the wooly mammoths, America started importing elephant trainers from India. The protagonist of the story, Premier Chand, is descended from these. Also, the Federated Commonwealths got their independence in 1732, so the American Revolution happened earlier. This story appear to be set in Illinois based on mention of Cairo (pronounced Kay-Roe) and the New Nile is obviously the Mississippi River. Again, no Native Americans, so it isn't called Illinois. I guess that means Chicago, if it exists, is named something else as well. It's kind of amazing how many places in America get their names from the Native Americans.
As fascinating as the world of A Different Flesh is, not sure I'd wanted to live there. True, I'd get to see all sorts of Ice Age animals, but it would be a poorer world without the richness of Native American culture. Also, I have a small amount of Native American ancestry, so I would not exist in the world of A Different Flesh.
It's interesting that this story features sims the least of all the stories in the collection. Oh, but they're not absent from this story. The sims appear towards the end of the story, and they're are the ones who get the last laugh in the big race. Without giving too much away, I can say it shows that sims are smarter than they are given credit for. "The Iron Elephant" is another great story in the collection.
The fifth story is titled "Though Heavens Fall" and takes places in 1804. From the textbook excerpt we learn that Americans used sims as laborers on plantations and farms. This blunted the Transatlantic Slave Trade to a large extent, but didn't completely prevent it. Africans were brought to America as slaves, but most of them wound up as house slaves. Sims make terrible housekeepers, apparently. The story follows a slave named Jeremiah. He's got a pretty good life on the Gillen plantation in Virginia. Still, he dreams of the day he saves up enough money to buy his freedom. Unfortunately, the sims have recently come down with an illness, and Jeremiah gets sends to the fields to supplement the work force. After a day of hard labor he decides to make a run for it try his luck in Portsmouth, Virginia. He takes up residence with lawyer Alfred Douglas, and together they set out to put the institution of slavery on trial. The outcome of the trail will impact not just Jeremiah, but Black Americans as a whole.
I think this was possibly my favorite story of the bunch. Well, "Vilest Beast" was pretty good too, but it is tied with "Though Heavens Fall". I think the way slavery was depicted made sense. Slavery has existed as far back as Ancient Mesopotamia, and I don't think sims would completely element it. The Greeks and Romans believed in human-like creatures such satyrs, cyclopes, and centaurs, yet they still had slavery. Still, as is noted in the story, people would have to recognize that a white person has far more in common with a black person than with a sim.
Even before the trails you can kind of see that the characters have kind of figured this out. Mr. Gillen treats Jeremiah almost like an employee rather than a slave, and seems almost apologetic when he has to send Jeremiah to the fields. Still, the overseer makes it clear that he has nothing but contempt for Jeremiah, and black people as a whole. Moreover, Jeremiah is under no delusions that he is anything other than a slave. On the flip side, I enjoyed how Jeremiah and Alfred's relationship developed. They start off as employee and employer, but soon develop a genuine friendship with one another.
We also get a glimpse into the legal and political system of the Federated Commonwealths. Apparently, courts use three judges, one senior judge and two junior judges, for trials. Two of the three judges must agree for a verdict to pass. Also, the government of the Federated Commonwealths is bi-cameral legislature divided into the Popular Assembly and the Senate. Popular Assembly is directly elected by the people, while the Senate is made of former governors and censors who serve lifetime terms. At the top of the government are the two censors. They are elected by the people and serve a single five-year term. The thinking is that they'll keep each other in check, especially if they're from opposing parities. As you can see, the Conscript Fathers of the Federated Commonwealths modeled the nation very closely on the Roman Republic.
I also noticed some similarities to British Parliament, but that makes sense. We know that America got a lot of political refugees after England adopted the Divine Right of Kings. That means that ideas of parliamentary government were floating around in America. Some of those ideas probably got incorporated into the fabric of the Federated Commonwealths. It also turns out that sims can speak, but it takes a considerable amount of effort, and they can only say like one or two simple words at a time. This is why they use sign language.
There's a really great scene at the end where Jeremiah is mean to sim that bumps into him on the street. He knows he's being kind of a dick, but he also knows that blacks would be at the bottom of society if the sims didn't exist. All in all, a really great addition to A Different Flesh.
The penultimate story is titled "Trapping Run". It is set in the Rocky Mountains in 1814 and follows a trapper named Henry Quick. During a trapping run he gets attacked by a bear, but fortunately, a tribe of sims find him and nurse him back to health. Quick has always though to the sims as nothing more than animals, but spending so much time with them allows Quick to see them as something almost human.
This one took me a but to get into, but I did enjoy it once it took off. I guess you could say that Quick was really having some Dances with Sims after his leg healed. Also, from this story we learn that sims and humans can indeed have hybrid children. I really did enjoy how Quick came to view the sims as more human as the story went on. He apparently goes on to become the founder of the Sims Justice Movement. As we learn in the next story, Henry Quick became quite famous among the sims because of this. Well, I think that's enough for this one, let's move on.
The final story is called "Freedom" and is set in 1988. Over the years, sims have been used in all sorts of scientific research, including AIDS research. The story follows a sim named Matt. He's a teat subject at the AIDS research center in Terminus, Georgia. Overall, he's got a pretty cushy life with plenty of food, females, and regular injections of HIV inhibitor than suppress his symptoms and make him feel like he doesn't have HIV at all. Maybe he's not technically free, but he's not complaining. However, a group of sims rights activists disagrees and decide to kidnap him to set him free. Of course, as they soon discover, this is easier said than done.
The collection began on a strong note, and it certainly ends on a strong note as well. A recusing theme throughout A Different Flesh is about what it means to be humans. Sims are far more intelligent than most animals, but aren't quite at human levels of intelligence. This certainly creates a moral conundrum about their place in society. Even the sims rights activists acknowledge that sims will never, for example, be elected to public office. Before we get to anything else, let's address the city name. Terminus is the A Different Flesh version of Atlanta, Georgia. It might seem odd that this is the case, given that Atlanta is from Classic Mythology, and wouldn’t be impacted by the lack of Native Americans. However, Terminus was indeed the original name of the city. It was changed in 1732, when the colonial governor of Georgia renamed the city after his daughter. We know that the alternate American Revolution happened in 1732, or else that’s when America officially became independent. So, that means the rename never happened. That, or the Americans refused to acknowledge the name change.
Anyway, the Sims Rights activists kind of reminded me of certain more extreme animal rights groups. I'm talking PETA and their ilk. Given that this was written in 1988, I can't help but wonder if Turtledove had that in mind. The activist are certainly well intentioned, but they clearly didn't think things through, and you know what they say about the road to hell. They have a hard time convincing Matt not to have sex with other sims, lest he give them HIV, and they don't bring nearly enough HIV inhibitor. So, in the end, they have to return him to the AIDS research center.
From the excerpt we learn that sims were used as slave labor in factories, and that many displaced factory workers lead sims rights movements. However, they did this less because they cared about sims, and more because they didn't like that the sims were taking their jobs. It's interesting that they helped the sims, but not necessarily for altruistic reasons. Also, apparently the FCA equivalent of NASA used sims to test their spacecrafts.
Another theme in this story is about how a freedom is relative and subjective. The activist think they're freeing Matt, but they're way more restrictive and stifling than the institute ever was. In the end, Matt's happy to return to the institute. I especially liked the end where the other sims ask him what it was like outside. He says that it isn't like on TV, and that the activist are like all the other humans; they only care about sims when it serves their personal goals. The story ends on a bittersweet note. Matt is happy and back home, but the future of sims remains uncertain. True, it is mentioned that there are three major reserves the size of moderate sized states, but the sims are also losing their habitats to development and the continued encroachment of humans. And, as mentioned, there's the question of just how do that fit into society. Both issues have been pretty consistent across all the stories, and I guess it just goes to show that, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Ending on a bittersweet note seems pretty realistic to me. A lot of times, bittersweet is the best you can hope for in real life. But hey, that's history for you.
Before we wrap things up I've got to talk about the audiobook edition that is here at long last. It is narrated by Paul Woodson. He's equally adept at pulling off both British and American accents. I also closed how he gave the sims a distinct accent of their own. What can I say? The audiobook was worth the wait.
Link to the original review on my blog: https://drakoniandgriffalco.blogspot.com/2019/04/book-review-different-flesh-by-harry.html?m=1