Help! I may have messed up pretty bad this semester. It's my final semester for my major in computer science and I just went through my graduation ceremony. To finish my degree, I had to take an advanced algorithms class with a professor I really strongly disliked. I had a previous class with him and didn't learn a thing, and I only passed by struggling through it with friends. This semester, however, I had no one to rely on, and to make matters worse, it was an early morning class. Long story short, I let the assignments fly by and didn't attend many classes, instead choosing to focus on my other courses.
Of course, this was a HORRIBLE idea. I realized that the last month of class, and managed to complete every homework I missed (he wouldn't regrade them of course, but they make up a bigger report thats due at the end of the semester). I also worked hard on the final project for the course, teaming up with a random classmate, and ended up with a solid final product on time (I hope it was good, at least. I put a lot of time into it). Then, I also completed the final essays on time as well. According to my calculations, with everything I've submitted, I may BARELY pass with a 72% (70% is passing). I could be wrong though, the grading rubric is somewhat unclear.
Obviously, I need to email the professor. But what do I say? I know this was all on me, and even though I pulled it together at the end, I feel like he hates me. If I fail this class, I have to pay for another semester of rent and tuition, which I can't afford. Additionally, I'll disappoint everyone by having to admit that I never finished after all. Then to top it all off, I may not be able to find a job until next year. Please help!
tl;dr I was a dumbass senior and didnt attend or do work for a class up until the last month or so. Now I'm not sure if I'll pass it or not. This is the only class I'm at risk for failing, and I won't be able to get my degree for another semester if I fail it.

To make this as short as possible, I was a bored teenager on the internet without many friends in real life, so at 16 I started talking to this 30 year old guy. Initially he told me he just wanted to practice his English, because he’s from Eastern Europe, but we started communicating daily. I viewed him as a friend, but after a few months he started to tell me that I was so beautiful, he wanted to be my boyfriend, and so on.
Around ~2 years ago he told me he moved to America, but he still lived pretty far from me, so we never met in person. At this point we only spoke every once in a while. When we did, he’d offer to buy a me plane ticket and hotel room to come visit him, but I always had some excuse as to why I couldn’t.
In the past few months, he’s showed up in my area (with no prior notice) asking if I could meet him. I’d say that I was out of town, or I had a family emergency, or something like that. Recently, he told me he’s coming again next month and he really, really wants to meet. And this time, I have mixed feelings.
I know it’s shallow, but I’m not physically attracted to him. Maybe he’s better in person, but he’s not really that interesting or funny either. There’s also the whole talking to teenage me on the internet thing.
On the other hand, I’ve tried to date before, but was always unsuccessful. I’d get ghosted when I made it clear I didn’t want to have sex yet. In contrast, he’s never mentioned anything sexual, even once. He also made it clear that his physical “type” is for girls who look like me, which isn’t very common.
I’m kind of a failure in life. I’m 23, I live with my parents, I can’t drive, I don’t have any friends, I’ve never had a real job. I had a few retail/food service sort of jobs, but I never lasted long because I got overwhelmed with being around people all day. I did go to college, but I wasn’t very good at what I majored in, and I don’t know what to with my life. I’m honestly not good at anything. In contrast, he has a house, a car, and a job.
He’s talked about me moving in with him, us getting married, having a family, and he’ll take care of everything. I never saw myself living that kind of life, but maybe I’m not suited for anything else. I’m awkward and don’t have any other skills.
Honestly, I think he’s probably the best I’ll ever get. Most people don’t get their perfect 10/10 person, and I should be happy that someone has been this persistent in their interest of me. The only hurdle is finding a way to go meet him when he comes, but I could figure something out. I’m not sure if it’s an ok idea or if I could possibly try to learn to love him? Should I meet him?

You guys know what an alpine coaster is? They are like a small roller coaster you find in the mountains. They are also called summer toboggans or mountain coasters and I think there’s some long German compound word they are called in parts of Europe. They are like a roller coaster, but with much smaller one or two person sleds you just sit on instead of multi-person cars you ride in, and instead of being built with like a scaffolding or a framework the tracks are just on the ground, using the elevation of the mountain. Basically it’s a coaster track on the side of a mountain where you ride a sled down.
They are pretty fun. Or at least I used to think so. They are more “personal” than roller coasters and although you get nowhere near the speed on them that you do on a good traditional roller coaster and they can’t do corkscrews or loops or anything like that the openness and simplicity of the ride gives an impression of a much greater speed. You’re just sitting there with nothing but a little plastic sled and the track between you and the ground as it goes zooming by. It’s like the difference between how fast a go-cart feels compared to how fast a sports car feels. You know the sports car goes faster but the open, simpleness of a go-cart feels a different kind of fast. There’s plenty of POV Youtube videos if you want to get the basic idea of what they are.
I used to love alpine coasters. Used to.
My family used to go to Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge and up and down the Smokey Mountains for vacations when I was a kid and they are common in that area and I’d always rode them every chance I got.
But as with so many things after I grew up and went to college they just became part of my childhood that slipped away. They aren’t exactly common once you get away from the mountains.
Until one cool spring afternoon in 2004. I was in my final year at college and I was driving back to campus in Tennessee after a short visit to my folks in North Carolina. It was only like a 4 or 5 hour drive via the most efficient route and I had no need to be back at campus early so instead of taking the freeway all the way I got off and took part of my trip through the mountains. The scenery was nicer and I admit I liked pushing my Camaro just a little faster than I should through the twisty mountain roads.
Just after lunchtime happened upon one of those little by-the-highway tourist towns deep somewhere in the Smoky Mountains near the Carolina/Tennessee border. Nothing fancy, a gas station/truck stop, a diner, a couple of places selling tourist merch nestled deep in the mountains. I pulled into the gas station. My tank was getting low and I needed to stretch my legs, maybe grab something to eat. It was still early and I only had another couple of hours. I could kill an hour or so and still make it back to campus at a decent hour.
I pulled into the gas station and was filling my tank when I happened to glance across the road and… well I’ll be damned. There it was. “The Blue Ridge Alpine Coaster.” Nestled on the side of the mountain was a building, a mockup of a red barn, where a single railed track that led up into the mountains, where it soon got lost in the greenery. Wooden hand painted standees of cartoon character bears dressed in stereotypical “Hillbilly” getup stood around, some of them holding signs showing the ride hours and ticket costs and other info. I had to admit, as silly as it was, it made me smile.I finished pumping my gas and, well, nostalgia is a helluva thing. I decided then and there I could waste a little time riding an Alpine Coaster again after all these years before getting back on the road.
I parked my car in a corner of the truck stop's parking lot, put my phone in the center console, this being the days before smart phones when people didn’t keep their phones with them 24/7 and I didn’t want my old Nokia brick phone to fall out during the ride, locked my car and walked across the mountain highway to the Alpine Coaster building.
Getting closer, the place was less inviting. The half hearted attempt at a whimsical faux-Americana kitsch was far less effective when it brushed up against the actual decaying, run down wooden building. Hell calling it a building was generous. It was a wood frame holding up a long roof that covered the area where you got on the sleds. The wood boards creaked under my footsteps.
The only real enclosed structure was a shack that held, what I assumed, was a ticket booth. A door on the side had both a single occupancy bathroom with an out of order sign on it. An old Pepsi machine buzzed and glowed next to it.
Still the place looked alive. Ahead of me a bored looking attendant was helping a mother and her young son into one of the sleds while in a bored monotone repeating the safety brief. A few people were waiting in line at the ticket booth. Up in the mountains the playful shouts of people on the ride echoed down. Fond memories of my own childhood rides flooded my mind.10 minutes and 15 dollars later I was settling into the hard plastic seat of a bright red sled sat atop a simple aluminum rail.
I couldn’t help but grin as the sled slowly climbed the track up the mountains, making click-clack ratcheting sounds that hit my nostalgia centers hard. I felt good. The air was cool and crisp and smelled of pine.Higher and higher in the mountains we went. I don’t know if this is my mind trying to make sense of it after the fact but when I remember these moments, the last good moments, I sometimes think I remember a very slight, very subtle pit of fear in my stomach. I honestly don’t know if I felt it at the time or not or it’s just how my mind tries to make sense of it looking back at.
But either way mostly I was enjoying myself. I smiled. I was a kid again. I could hear riders in front of me let out that initial yell of terrified glee you get at the first drop of any good ride.
It peaked. I glanced around. I could see for miles, rolling hills and mountains. I the sled tipped over and zoomed down the mountain and I let out the same happy yell I heard from the other passengers.The ride zoomed down the mountain, catching speed. The mountain forest floor zoomed past, only a few feet under me. Trees zoomed past. I gave out a happy whoop as the ride banked hard around a curve and then looped back under itself.Another dip, another curve. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of the G-forces pulling me every which way.
There was no one exact single moment where things started to go “wrong.” The ride kept going. And going. At this point the first creeping thought entered my head.
The ride… was still going.
It just started to hit me… this ride was going on for a really long time. I had taken a dozen rides on various coasters of this type before that day and they topped out at about 5 minutes or so, and that was the long ones. Longer than a traditional roller coaster but not that long. This one had been going on for what felt like 10, maybe even 15 minutes.
I looked back over my shoulder and could only see trees, moving too fast to really get a bearing on where I was at in relation to anything.
I wasn't exactly really worried yet. Okay so I had found a particularly long alpine coaster. At the time I wasn’t 100% wasn't sure they didn’t exist or anything like that. I was a little… unnerved but nothing was happening that was impossible. Yet.
I was trying to talk myself back into just enjoying the ride and stop overthinking it, and halfway succeeded, when out of nowhere I suddenly banked hard, the track jutting out almost over a sheer cliffside. I gripped the sled more tightly as I was whipped around. The ride then dipped hard and picked up speed, barreling down the side of the mountain.
I was pushed back against the seat by the force of the drop. Jesus I didn’t remember them being this rough. I was feeling slightly nauseous. And where had this elevation drop come from I wondered? I was still in the foothills and I didn’t remember seeing anything but gentle rolling hills and light drops from looking at the ride’s route earlier. How the ride had managed such a long, steep drop in this area I didn’t know. . For the first time I hoped that the ride would be over soon. I had no idea then how much I would want that same hope to be true so much more as time went on.
With a whiplash motion I was whipped forward and then back as the ride leveled out on flat ground again, but by this point I was going fast, too fast. My neck hurt from the mild whiplash and I felt sour in my throat and for a moment the contents of my stomach threatened to come back up. For the first, but hardly the last time the ride felt unsafe. Alpine Coasters are tame affairs, much slower and gentler than full on roller coasters but this thing was throwing me around like no thrill ride I had ever been on.
I looked around. I mean I wasn’t that deep into the woods. I should have been able to see a glimpse of something; the highway, the gas station, the tourist shops, the Alpine Coaster office, something, anything. But nothing. Just trees.
I forced back some panic for the first time. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. The ride zoomed along. I counted to 60. I counted to 60 again. And again. Okay this was getting uncomfortably harder and harder to explain.
Suddenly I noticed that up ahead the track seemed to just end, for one brief, terrible moment I thought the track just ended but I was wrong. Almost without warning the track dipped in an almost vertical drop. I almost screamed as I plummeted for 20, maybe 30 seconds before flattening out again.
By this point the voice in my head that was telling me something was wrong was louder and I could no longer tell myself it was wrong. This ride could not have been this long. I tried to make sense of it, wondering if somehow I had gotten diverted onto some kind of maintenance track or, hell for one brief irrational moment even entertaining the idea that I had wound up on an actual train track somehow. But that was absurd. The rail below me was not a train track, it was still just the simple, aluminum rail of an alpine coaster and there had been no diversions or junctions in the track. I was still on the ride, as insane as that was starting to feel. Had the ride somehow looped? Again after having the thought I immediately dismissed it as crazy. There’s no way I could have missed the ride building where I got on. And what kind of ride loops over and over?
The sled zoomed through the forest, oddly never seeming to lose speed despite the relatively flat grade of the track. I cursed myself for leaving my phone in the car and not wearing a watch. I don’t know exactly how long I had been on the ride at that point but it felt like I had been on the ride for a half hour, maybe more. But time is a funny thing when you’re in a situation you’ve never been in. Could have been more, could have been less, at that point.
My pride finally failed me. I started to scream for help. I screamed out that the ride was broken, to stop it, that I needed help. I did that for about ten minutes or so I think. The ride kept going. Mostly flat, level track with occasional mild dips and turns. But the simple length of the ride grew more and more unnerving and unexplainable.
I thought about just bailing out. But the ride, impossibly, was still not slowing down and chunks of mountain rock and thick tree trunks were all around me. Bailing out without risking smashing into a rock or a tree seemed impossible.
The ride kept going.
Up ahead the forest was clearing out some, I could see the forest brightening, more sunlight making it through the canopy.
I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.
The trees stopped and I had just enough time to take in a flat, open area of rock maybe 40, 50 yards at most before another sheer cliff. The tracks twisted and turned and then shot straight down. But that wasn’t the worst of it. For a moment, a very short moment, I had a clear view for miles and the landscape was, to be blunt, totally impossible. Any possibility that I had just stumbled on some incredibly long ride was blasted out of my head. Barren, volcanic looking rock stretched for miles. Jagged, black rocky outcroppings as far as the eye could see. I was in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. They don’t look like that.
I had a few moments for the terror of that view to settle in before the cart plunged into another horrifying drop. I gripped the handles of the cheap plastic sled until my knuckles turned white. The drop felt completely vertical, like I was falling at terminal velocity. I screamed. My stomach dropped and turned. I imagined the sled coming away from the track and me just plummeting screaming to my death on the rocks below. But somehow the ride still functioned. I closed my eyes tightly and just waited for whatever was going to happen. Eventually after several what felt like a full minute of steep plunging the track again leveled out, and I opened my eyes to see myself moving at breakneck speed over that black, rocky landscape.
Now that I was moving on a more or less flat horizontal track again I took a few deep breaths. I looked over the edge of the track. Nothing but that black, jagged rock, almost looking like obsidian, zooming past. I had no idea how fast the sled was moving now. Fast. Faster than a gravity powered sled should be moving. And the track was higher off the ground now. Alpine slides usually stick pretty close to the ground, but I was 20 feet or so in the air, the track suspended in the air, a simple metal tube tower like a power pylon every few yards.
Without any immediate threat and the sled moving fast but steadily and level I was able to think about my situation again, for all the good that did me. Ahead of me the track just continued to the horizon, nothing but the same rocky landscape as far as I could see. I craned my neck to look back over my shoulder and looked back behind me and it looked the same. Even the mountains were but distant specs on the horizon behind me.
This was insane. There’s not a giant seemingly endless field of black jagged rock in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. There’s no cliff faces tall and steep enough for a multi-minute vertical drop. And alpine coasters were small affairs, not major engineering projects that span miles with pylons and vertical tracks. It made no sense.
Sadly it wasn’t going to start making any more sense anytime soon.
The ride kept going.
I was on this rocky landscape for several hours. I feel comfortable saying this because I could actually notice the sun getting lower in the sky. And the sled wasn’t slowing down despite the grade of the track being flat. I was getting cramped from sitting and stretched my legs and twisted my back as best I could. Didn’t do much help. My eyes were starting to get irritated from the constant wind in them. Worst of all it was starting to get chilly. I only had on a light jacket, a windbreaker, just something to keep the breeze off me, no real insulation. I was cold, my joints were stiff, I was hungry and thirsty. My eyes watered and my throat was so dry it was sore.
But none of that was as bad as just how little sense this all made. There’s nothing like this place anywhere near the Smoky Mountains. This was like some volcanic rock landscape. The more I thought about it the less sense it made.
The ride kept going.
My mind didn’t even try to process this. Whatever I was experiencing simply couldn’t be possible. I was crazy. I was dreaming. The CIA had kidnapped me and dosed me with some new version of LSD and I was in a straightjacket in a padded room at Area 51.
The sled kept zooming along as the sky turned to dusk. Soon the bridge disappeared from my view and I continued on along the endless, rocky, featureless landscape.
I sat back against the sled, mentally and physically numb. I was exhausted. I was thirsty. I was cramping up. I was hungry. I had to pee. I held it for as long as I could, then had no choice but just wet myself. I cried until I had no more tears left. Then I just sat there.
The ride kept going.
By the time the sun dipped below the horizon my throat felt like sandpaper. I dug around in my jacket pockets hoping to find a stick of gum or piece of candy. Nothing. I checked again, having nothing else to do. Under a crumpled store receipt in the inner pocket of my jacket was a single old, forgotten cough drop. I unwrapped it from the paper and popped it in my mouth. Saliva flooded back into my mouth and I was overwhelmed by the methanol and medicine taste. It was something at least, although I knew it would be a brief and temporary fix at best.
I felt my eyes get heavy. It was getting colder. That mountain cold. That deep cold the mountains have even into the early spring when the sun goes down. That kind that just pulls the heat right out of you. I shivered. A terrible, horrible certainty came to me. I would ride until I passed out from exhaustion or the hypothermia set in. My body would tumble off the sled to fall and skip across the rocky ground like a stone skipping across a lake, my bones breaking as I tumbled until my body finally came to a stop. If I was lucky I would be killed and not have to lie for days, broken and bruised, on the ground until death took me.
The ride kept going. The ride kept going. The fucking ride kept going.
“Fuck you” I said to the ride, my voice a horse whisper. I pulled my jacket closer around me, for all the good it did. The cold wind was slowly but surely pulling my body heat away. My shivering got worse, crossing the line from a simple normal shiver into those deep, almost violent full body ones.. I wasn’t anything you could call an experienced outdoorsman, but I knew enough to know that wasn’t a good sign.
It was getting dark. There was a full moon at least so I wasn’t totally in the dark.
About then I noticed something. The landscape, what little I could see in the fading light, was changing. It was smoothing out, becoming less rocky and craggy. Up ahead an odd, shimmering light was starting to appear on the ground.
I was over it before I even realized what it was. The tracks were going over a smooth surface.
Water. It was a lake. The odd lights I had seen were the moon, reflected in ripples on the lake.
Within minutes I was out of the view of the land. After the nearly endless rocky landscape and everything else I had seen, it scared me how little I was shocked. I didn’t like how mentally numb I was getting. I leaned over. There was enough moonlight to see the water, 15 or 20 feet below the track. The pylons holding up the track went into the water, the light wasn’t good enough to even make a guess at how far they went down or how deep the water was.I leaned back in the sled. My eyes were red and bloodshot from the constant wind. I closed them. This was a mistake.I jerked awake. I don’t know if I dozed off for a split second or an hour. My weight had shifted and I caught myself as my center of gravity was in danger of sending me off the sled and into the water.
I screamed in anger. A deep primal scream. I hurt so bad. My joints felt like they were full of glass. My limbs were full of pins and needles. I glanced over at the water. For the first time on the very edges of my brain a tiny voice started to speak up, telling me that I could be all over if I just jumped. I shut the voice up, but it scared me still.
I sat there as the ride went on. It felt like hours. Eventually the lake ended in a rocky shore line. The damned ride. There was no safe place to bail out. If the ride slowed down, it was high in the air, if it moved toward the ground it sped up. Sharp rocks, big trees, nothing you could safely bail out into.
I kept having to force myself awake. I kept dozing off. Once I felt myself falling asleep and drove a vicious uppercut into my own nose to stave it off.
I seriously started to think about how much longer I could hang on. The voice came back again. This time I didn’t shut it up. I wasn’t admitting it to myself yet, but I was starting to think about the best way to land that would end it quickly if I needed to.
Something was ahead. The track seemed to dip into the ground. I was too tired, too beaten to even get scared. I was just resigned to whatever happened at this point.
With little warning the track took my sled into a tunnel in the ground. Everything went completely pitch black. After several moments even the dim moonlight was gone.
This was the worst part. The creepy forest, the immense rocky landscape, the eerie lake… those were bad. But this was just nothing. Nothing to look at, nothing to hear, nothing for reference or sense of where I was going. The walls of the tunnel felt like they were inches from me in every direction. The air felt thick, like there wasn’t enough oxygen.
With every moment I was in that tunnel I lost a little more hope. After a long, long time I made a decision. When I got out of this tunnel, I would jump. I didn’t care anymore. Hopefully there would be a spot where I could be certain the fall would instantly kill me. I was done. The ride had beaten me. I sat there, waiting for a chance to end this on my terms. That was all I had left.
Eventually up ahead, a tiny speck of light appeared. I gathered my strength, ready to end it. I sat up, getting my legs under me so I could jump as soon as we were clear. The sled burst out of the tunnel. The dim light of the full moon was enough to be momentarily blinding after the pitch black of the tunnel.. I gave my eyes a moment to adjust.
I was back in a normal looking Appalachian forest. Rolling hills, green trees. The air smelled of pine again. I heard an owl hoot off somewhere.
Slowly I lowered myself back into a setting position, in shock. At first I refused to believe it but the ride was slowing down. I held still, making sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, but no, the cheap plastic sled that had been my world for what felt like an eternity was slowing down.
Up ahead, a structure was visible, peeking out from among the trees in the dim lighting as the sled moved down the track.
It was the Alpine Slide building. The crappy fake red barn where I had boarded this cursed ride so long ago. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, sure it was either my mind or the cursed ride playing tricks with me. But the building stayed there.
It grew closer and closer. The track leveled completely out. The sled slowed down more. Before I had the time to really come to terms with it I arrived back at the building.
The sled slowed to a stop, gently pumping against another sled parked on the track. I sat there for a few moments, gasping in great big gulping fear breaths, trying to assure myself the ride didn’t have one last trick of its sleeve.
I looked around. The place was empty, deserted. The overhead lights were still on and the old Pepsi machine still glowed and buzzed, but the ticket booth was dark and empty, a metal gate pulled down over the ticket window.
Suddenly it hit me that I was free and I practically leapt out of the sled and onto the platform. I immediately collapsed. My legs were jelly and my head was spinning. I tried to stand up again and doubled over, dry heaving. Have you ever been out on a boat for a day and have that weird reverse motion sickness when you’re back on solid land? It was like that times a hundred. My inner ear was literally pounding, all the motion had really done a number on it.
I laid there for a few moments and eventually forced myself to stand up on my two wobbling legs. I looked around, a horrible certainty creeping into my mind that there would be no exit, no way off the platform but to my relief an exit turnstyle, one of those full height ones, was set into the fence that surrounded the ride property.
I went through it and found myself back on the main road. The truckstop was still there, still open but far less busy. My car sat in the same corner of the parking lot I had left it.
I allowed myself one look back, just one quick one. The metal skeleton of the Alpine Slide track sat there, dark and quiet but otherwise normal.
I stumbled-ran back to my car, dug the keys out of my pocket, and collapsed inside. When the door shut I let out a primal scream, the tons of fear and confusion and anger all fusing into a single, raw emotion. I screamed again and again.
After a few moments I felt like I was emotionally at least back to a place where I could act, although I wasn’t sure yet what to do next. Not really knowing what to do I cranked the car. The A/C had been on low when I shut off the car and it came roaring back to life and cold air blowing on me almost sent me back into a full on panic attack. I fumbled with the climate controls until the air stopped blowing directly on me, then calmed down enough to turn the heat on, helping to get the chill out of my bones. There was a half full bottle of water in the center console cup holder and I grabbed it and chugged it. Nothing ever tasted as good before or sense as that few ounces of water.
That was when I noticed the clock on the radio head unit. It was 4:17 in the morning. It had been about one, one thirty or so in the afternoon when I got on the accursed ride.
Over 15 hours. I had been on the goddamn ride for over 15 hours. Over half a day.
I just sat there. Warming up. Calming down. I was exhausted. I was dehydrated. I can’t even describe how my head felt. I probably had at least a minor case of hypothermia. I thought about going into the gas station and asking for help but what would I even say, and more than anything I just wanted to get away from this place. And I just wanted to get away. I wanted to be nowhere near that damn ride.
I put the Camaro in gear and pulled into the street and in panic I immediately slammed on the brakes. I was lucky there was no traffic on the road at that moment. The feeling of accelerating to just normal surface street speeds made me sick to my stomach. I gathered myself and very slowly accelerated the car I usually treated with a very heavy foot up to 30 miles an hour. Every time I tried to accelerate at a pace faster than “Old Lady Going to Church, Uphill” I would have a panic attack. I was okay once I was up to speed, but accelerating freaked me out after being on that ride.
I drove about 30 minutes, putting some arbitrary amount of distance between myself and the coaster. Eventually I made it back to where the twisty mountain road met back up with a major road that would eventually meet back up with the highway. After a few more minutes of driving I saw the onramp for the highway. There was one of those big truckstop travel plazas and pulled in, parking right up at the door. I smelled like pee and I can only imagine how I looked, but I didn’t care.
I kept a couple of emergency 20s in the back of my wallet and spent it on the biggest bottle of water the store had, an overpriced bottle of eye drops, and a huge travel mug of coffee. The clerk looked at me as if he was expecting me to either drop dead or rob him the entire time.
Back in my car I downed the coffee. I put a few eye drops in each of my eyes and sat there as the caffeine took effect until I felt like I could make it back to my apartment. The sun was just coming up when I finally pulled out of the truck stop and got on the freeway. I slowly, very slowly, accelerated up to highway speed, put the Camaro in cruise control, and let the miles start to drift away. I turned on the radio, I needed to hear human voices. Every time my mind went back to what had just happened I turned the radio up louder, eventually drowning it out with painful levels of rock music. I wasn’t ready to think about it yet. Yes looking back I know I was just in denial. I finally made it back to the crappy little apartment I had off campus, a little two story walk up studio. I let myself in and collapsed on the cheap couch. I was asleep before I even had the time to decide whether or not to do anything else. I woke up later that afternoon. I took a shower and ate a meal and didn’t think about the ride. I washed the pee stained filthy clothes I had been wearing and didn’t think about the ride. I went back to class and didn’t think about the ride. Every time I thought about the ride I forced it out of my head. I’m sure this wasn’t the most mentally healthy thing to do but what can you say?
I didn’t forget about it, don’t be silly. This isn’t the kind of thing you forget. One day while looking up something else in the university’s library my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up the Alpine Slide. No website but a few Google Map and Yelp mentions. None of them mentioned anything weird, certainly nothing even remotely like what I experienced. Near as I can tell it closed sometimes in the winter of 2012.
Life went on. I mean, that’s what it does. The next day was a little better. And the day after that a little better. And the day after that a little better still. I met a nice girl. Graduated. Got married. Got a nice house in the suburbs. Got a dog. Had a daughter. Spent a lot of time happy and not thinking about being trapped on an endless alpine coaster.And that was my life for many, many years after that.
Until a few weeks back when as a very different person I found myself driving a boring and safe mid sized family SUV through those same mountains. My wife Carol, 5 months pregnant, sat in the passenger seat, our 6 year old daughter Emily in a booster seat in the back, and Max our mixed breed mutt next to her. It had been a nice pleasant trip, driving back from visiting her folks.
I hadn’t thought about that fucking ride in so long I barely registered that I was in the same general area until it was too late. Suddenly I realized that little mountain tourist trap town was only a few minutes down the road. I swallowed hard and gripped the steering wheel hard. Carol was looking out the window at the scenery and Emily was deep into some kid’s Youtube video on an iPad. I forced myself to keep my breath steady as we rounded the corner.The town was still there, sorta. Time had not been kind to it. The gas station was still there, at some point it had been bought out by Shell. The tourist trap shops were still there. One of them was now a vape shop. The diner was closed, the building looking like it sat unused for a long time.
But of course that’s not what I cared about. A looked over at the site where the Alpine Coaster once stood. It was gone. The kitschy fake barn was gone. The site was just a bare concrete slab with a chainlink fence around it. Faded “no trespassing” and “for sale” signs hung off the fence. A pile of old, decaying lumber that might have once long ago been part of the structure covered part of the old lot. No sign of the track remained outside of some old concrete support posts dotting the side of the mountain.
I exhaled out a breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding in. Soon the little town disappeared in my rear view mirror.
About a half hour later we stopped for gas. I pulled up to a gas pump across from a massive motorhome. Max stuck his head out the window and started barking at a little white dog, a toy breed of some kind, in the window of the motorhome. Carol and Emily immediately headed into the store to restock on snacks while I fueled up.
I stood there, a half smile on my lips as Max barked and wagged his tail in an attempt to attract the attention of the other dog while I filled up the tank, said dog doing an admirable job of ignoring him.
Right about the time I finished fueling up and cleaning the bugs off the windshield Carol returned from inside the store, Emily in tow, arms filled with two full sized bags of Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips and what looked to be a half dozen individually wrapped pickles.
I raised an eyebrow at the collection of food but knew better than to question a pregnant woman's snack choices.
“Should we take Max for a quick walk?” Carol asked. The travel plaza had a nice little gated dog walking area off to the side.
“Yeah probably not a bad idea, he’s been cooped up in the car for a few hours.” I said. Max, upon hearing his name and the word “walk” , forgot about the other dog and upgraded from wagging his tail to wagging his entire body while making whining sounds and staring right at me.
About this time I became half aware that the big motor home next to us was pulling away. I didn’t think much of it, outside of doing a quick automatic mental check to make sure Emily was well clear of the moving vehicle, but she was safely between me and our SUV, well out of the way.
But that was when Emily looked behind me and cheerfully yelled “Daddy look a roller coaster! Can I ride the coaster?”
It’s cliche as fuck I know but my blood went cold.
I turned around slowly, certain in my knowledge that terrible old decrepit Alpine Coaster would be there, having just popped into existence to trap me again.
That.. is not what I saw. Sure enough there was a coaster there, one I hadn’t noticed earlier because it had mostly been blocked by the motor home, but there it was. It was even an Alpine Coaster.
But it was not the same coaster I had encountered those years ago. That was immediately obvious. It was a small but modern and newish looking setup with neon lights and a bunch of people. There was an actual building where you bought tickets and a little snack stand.
“Daddy! Can we go on the coaster!” Emily asked again.
My mouth made motions but no words came out. I glanced over at Carol, hoping she’d say we didn’t have time but to my horror she smiled and said “You know what? That does sound like fun. Daddy will take you while I take Max for a walk.”
My mind raced, trying to think of a way to get out of it. But Emily was already dragging me across the parking lot to the entrance.
I patted my pocket, making sure my phone was in it. Every fiber of my being was screaming to run away. I slept walked through the line and the ticket booth while Emily bounced happily.
We got into a two seat plastic sled. This one was actually a lot nicer than the one my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about. It had two nice cushioned seats, big grab handles, even a nice rollbar.
The sled started up the track. I fought back the panic. I swerved my head around, keeping the building in my view. I was terrified of losing sight of it. We made it to the top and Emily did a happy squeal as we started down the side of the mountain.
My heart raced. Any second, any second my mind told me we’d lose sight of the building and then the ride would never end. The ride sped down the mountain. My mind tortured me with thoughts of not only going through it again, but seeing Emily go through it. The ride went around a big, banking turn. Emily kept shouting happily. How long before Carol reported us missing I wondered? Could I keep Emily calm? What if it lasted even longer this time? What if this time it never ended?
And then we were back at the start of the ride. The same attendant who had helped us into the sled was helping Emily out. I stepped out. The attendant gave me a brief look but said nothing. I guess I looked a little wild eyed.
I was fine. Emily was fine. It had been a perfectly normal, fun ride.
“That was fun Daddy! Thank you!” Emily said. I forced a smile back. “It was fun.” I responded, hoping like I sounded like I meant it.
I took Emily’s hand and we walked back to the car. Max saw us coming and barked happily. Carol looked up from the pint of Ben and Jerry’s she had somehow acquired and added to her snack collection while we were gone and smiled at us.
“Did you have fun?” she asked.
“It was so fun Mommy!” Emily said.
Carol smiled down at her, but then looked at me and frowned. “Are you okay?” Carol could read my face a lot better than the attendant could. “You’re pale.”
I smiled and this time the smile felt real. “Ya know what. Yeah, I think I am okay.”
Carol looked a little puzzled, but didn’t press it. We loaded Emily back in her booster seat, stopped Max from trying desperately to eat half a discarded gas station hot dog off the ground and got him back in the car. Carol and her small collection of snack food took her place in the passenger seat and I got in the driver's seat.I smiled. I cranked the car. I put it in gear. I pulled out of the gas station and back on the road, this time accelerating just a little faster than I had in years.

Obviously, MAJOR spoilers ahead.
Hi all! My group just finished playing through Spelljammer Academy and then straight into Light of Xaryxis, and while it was a great experience overall and my players had a lot of fun, I have some bones to pick with LoX specifically. Disclaimers: I'm not a super experienced DM (I've run a couple one shots and Tomb of Annihilation before this) and I tend to kind of fly by the seat of my pants and lean heavily on the Rule of Cool. Also, I know I'm not the first one to complain about LoX or rewrite portions of it, this is just what worked for me, maybe it will help someone else. Feel free to ask any questions.
So, my group and I decided on a spelljammer campaign- the vibes sounded cool and it was a big tone shift from the campaign we had just finished so I was excited to have some lighthearted fun in space. Fast forward to us getting a third of the way through Light of Xaryxis and me realizing that this adventure makes no fucking sense.
My issues with the story as written and how I fixed them:

1. Too many NPCs. My players couldn't keep them all straight and honestly a lot of them are not necessary to the plot. If they weren't necessary for the story, I just omitted them completely. It's easy enough to just use a couple main NPCs for most roles.
   
2. Most of the chapters end in cliffhangers, which sounds fun in theory, but in practice is just annoying, especially when it turns out to be a fake-out. I let go of the idea of these cliffhangers early on and just let the sessions end whenever felt natural.
   
3. I think this adventure leans a bit too heavily on whatever the writers think will be fun to put the players through, while not considering what players are most likely to actually do. One example of this is in Chapter 3, when players arrive at Aruun. The adventure wants your players to land on the planet and pick up Blastimoff, who is being chased by Artuuks a la Jack Sparrow and the cannibals. However, considering Aruun is a dangerous jungle planet home to rampaging Tarrasques, my players understandably refused to land there. Also, wtf was Blastimoff doing on this moon? "Peaceful entreaty" to the Artuuks? He's been attempting to form a coalition for how long and only just now got around to trying to talk to them?
   
4. The whole second half of the adventure doesn't make any sense. The Xedalli vs Xeleth plot is boring. Why does it matter who gets the crown if the player's world is going to die either way? Why are the only outcomes of this adventure "save your planet and genocide an entire civilization" or "let the Xaryxians live and genocide your own planet"? Like, that sucks. And what the HELL is up with that Zodar battle? I got so annoyed, I just rewrote the entire plot to be as follows:
   

the Xaryxians plant astral seeds on Toril to harvest the planet’s energy in order to feed their own dying star. Up until now, they have only harvested uninhabited planets, but because Xeleth and Xedalli want more power for themselves, they have decided to target a living world.
The prince and princess want more than just a thriving star for their people, they want power for themselves. They create two starlight rings that divert a portion of the harvested energy into themselves, effectively making themselves immortal.
The twins were meant to rule together and share the power, but Xeleth betrays Xedalli. He frames her for treason and she is banished from xaryxispace, so that he may be crowned instead. Xeleth believes that he destroyed Xedalli’s ring, but it was only a clever copy. Xedalli still has her own starlight ring, which Xeleth will eventually realize.
When the characters find Xedalli aboard the Last Breath, she will play the victim and will use the party to get back to Xaryxis and hopefully kill her brother. She claims:

• The Xaryxian empire drew on their own star to supplement their magic, and it eventually started to dim. They harvest other planet’s energy to keep Xaryxis alive. (true)
• Her evil brother Xeleth orchestrated the attack on Toril even though the elves usually harvest uninhabited planets (true, kind of- they were in on it together)
• Xeleth commanded her to be dropped on Toril so that she would be destroyed by the astral blight but the ship was boarded by vampirates and she was captured (true)
• She wants vengeance (true) and will do her best to save toril if the characters help her become empress (false)
• the only way to stop the energy harvest is by destroying the energy harvesting device at the top of the temple of light on the Citadel, which orbits Xaryxis (false- the device is just a decoy at this point, the set of rings belonging to the twins are the real harvesting devices)

This sets up Xedalli as a wolf-in-sheep's-clothing ally to the party, and they agreed to help her, believing that she could set the Xaryxian Empire back on a peaceful path and save their planet. I also think there's nothing more fun than a good final act NPC betrayal, and this worked out pretty well.
This is how it ended up playing out:
characters arrive in doomspace to search for the coalition.
They find Warwyck Blastimoff, who has not been able to form a coalition. the factions in doomspace don’t see the empire as a threat.
Characters seek out Vocath to convince the factions to join together. He wants them to fight in an arena in exchange for an audience with all the factions.
At the end of the fight, three Xaryxian star moths attack and try to kidnap Xedalli. The factions must all fight together to survive and win the battle. Xedalli is not captured. With that, the factions can be convinced that the empire is a threat. Whatever factions can be convinced, will join the coalition and lend their ships to the fleet. Note- I did not have prince Xeleth present for this fight, only a representative of the Empire.
The players plan an attack on the Citadel. NPCs from earlier in the adventure travel out to join the fight if informed. The fleet takes on Xaryxis’ forces while PC’s ship infiltrates their defences using Gargenhale's invisibility spell and reaches the Temple of Light.
Xedalli and PCs battle Xeleth at the Temple of Light and attempt to destroy the harvesting device (which, unbeknownst to anyone, is pretty much inert and breaking it does nothing), while the coalition fleet battles the Xaryxian forces outside. In the temple, a projection of Toril shows the planet dying in real time, crystal vines choking the surface and motes of energy concentrating in a beam toward Xaryxis. The climactic moment: Xeleth lays dying, a final blow is dealt to the device, and… nothing happens. The vines still grow and energy motes still gather. PCs turn to see Xedalli taking the twin Ring of Shooting Stars from Xeleth’s finger, and she performs a fusion spell that turns two rings into one, concentrating the diverted energy into herself, healing herself to full, surrounding herself with motes of Toril’s energy. And then I wrote a whole evil monologue revealing that this was her plan all along.
Phase 2 boss fight with powered-up Xedalli! My players have a crazy ability to blow through 'deadly' combat encounters with ease, so I gave Xedalli some extra powers, including hp replenishing at the start of every turn from her ring. The party can only kill her and save their planet by destroying her fused ring. Once they do, the crystal vines on Toril wither and die.
This leaves the Xaryxian Empire intact but without leadership, and players can convince the priests or whoever else has some authority to go back to their more peaceful methods and never again try to harvest a living planet.
And that's the adventure! I won't pretend that this rewrite is perfect, I'm sure there are plenty of plot holes, but it was still a lot of fun for me and my players.
A note on the segue from Spelljammer Academy to Light of Xaryxis: as written, the adventures don't connect well. What I did was change the villain of Spelljammer Academy to be Hastain the reigar. While hiding behind his noble title on the Rock of Braal, Hastain had been working with the Xaryxian Empire to sabotage the Academy in preparation of the Empire's attack on Toril. I planted clues that led to Hastain being behind it all, and that way my party had someone to focus on chasing down in the first half of LoX. Of course, this did mean that we veered majorly off course and spent more than a couple sessions on Braal, as my party wanted to not only break into his house, but discredit him, embarrass him, and eventually kill him. It was worth it though, it was very funny and gave them a good way to uncover the Xaryxian Empire's plot.

We had a babysitter need to back out on us and can’t make our 7:30 reservation tonight. Anyone want it? PM me your email address if so

I'm actually playing in a campaign where my Pandaren is the team's cook. After speaking with my DM, he gave me the opportunity to prepare some special funny recipes to flavor up the downtime activities. Here are some of my ideas.
Look at me stew
This magic mushroom stew makes you get the best out of the shroom. After eating this glowing delicacy, you slowly start to glow, shedding dim light in a 20-foot radius and dim-light for an additional 20 feet. The effect lasts for 1 hour.
Divorce snail soup
When you eat this dish, you grow two snail antennas and are able to see through them. After 10 minute your skin starts to get slimy and wet. The effect lasts for 24 hours.
Aphrodite’s berries
These berries make you shine like the most good-looking being in the house! Most people want to flirt with you but you cannot understand their language while they’re flirting with you. It lasts 3 hours.
Hush Hush broth
This broth is made of chamomile and other herbs. It makes you relax and you cannot speak at a normal tone anymore, since you’re forced to whisper. It lasts 3 hours.
Punch that stuffed chili
This super spicy stuffed chili is the best for a tavern brawl. When you eat this chili, its spiciness makes you want to punch everybody and start a brawl. It last 30 minutes.
Plant-man
This soup is prepared with a special mixture of herbs from a very far and remote land. After eating it, your hairs becomes little leaves and you turn into a plant-like being. It lasts 24 hours.
Sleeping walnuts
These little walnuts are a must-use for everyone who’s suffering from Insomnia. Mixed with beef or other kind of meat, they’re a cure-all for your non-sleeping disorders. After eating them, you just want to sleep. It lasts 30 minutes.
Show me your inside
This multicolor soup reveals all your emotions. When you finish your last sip, your skin changes its color based on your current emotion, as shown in the table below. It lasts 24 hours.
Red: anger
Orange: excitment
Yellow: happiness
Green: boredom
Blue: sadness
Purple: anxiety
Polyglot tofu
Wanna learn new languages but got no time to learn? Here we are! When you finish this dish, you forget a language you know and must roll 2d6 to determine which new languages you learn. It lasts 24 hours.
1: Celestial
2: Draconic
3: Infernal
4: Deep Speech
5: Primordial
6: Sylvan
Dwarf me more
This hot stew lets you become a dwarf for an hour. After finishing this delicacy, you can speak dwarvish and grow a long black beard. Roll a d20, if it’s a 20, you mantain the beard for a month.
Smiley lime
Got a beef with a stranger? Got divorced recently? Got fired by your badass boss? No problem. After you finish this dish, you become happy, your mouth starts to bend upwards and you are forced to smile. It lasts 24 hours.
I just want to add some more recipes but I cannot think of anything else. Everything is welcomed. thank you in advance.

I asked for a quote and this is what they sent me.

Hello, I recently applied for a job on Indeed and a person contacted me on the phone describing the position, pay, etc. They emailed me a link to a website called 'ding-aerotek.allegisgroup.com'. On this "onboarding process" they asked me to fill out my social security, W2 info such as my dependents and address, etc. They made me sign electrical documents over the internet accepting the job. Does anyone who has any knowledge of working as a recruiter or working at Aerotek knows if this is legit. Please help ASAP because I am very nervous should I freeze my Social security and all my information and would I be asked to do all of this without meeting anyone in person. They're also asking me to do a drug screening and sent me a email with a 'escreen' I'm supposed to show them. All help appreciated Thanks

Help! I may have messed up pretty bad this semester. It's my final semester for my major in computer science and I just went through my graduation ceremony. To finish my degree, I had to take an advanced algorithms class with a professor I really strongly disliked. I had a previous class with him and didn't learn a thing, and I only passed by struggling through it with friends. This semester, however, I had no one to rely on, and to make matters worse, it was an early morning class. Long story short, I let the assignments fly by and didn't attend many classes, instead choosing to focus on my other courses.
Of course, this was a HORRIBLE idea. I realized that the last month of class, and managed to complete every homework I missed (he wouldn't regrade them of course, but they make up a bigger report thats due at the end of the semester). I also worked hard on the final project for the course, teaming up with a random classmate, and ended up with a solid final product on time (I hope it was good, at least. I put a lot of time into it). Then, I also completed the final essays on time as well. According to my calculations, with everything I've submitted, I may BARELY pass with a 72% (70% is passing). I could be wrong though, the grading rubric is somewhat unclear.
​
Obviously, I need to email the professor. But what do I say? I know this was all on me, and even though I pulled it together at the end, I feel like he hates me. If I fail this class, I have to pay for another semester of rent and tuition, which I can't afford. Additionally, I'll disappoint everyone by having to admit that I never finished after all. Then to top it all off, I may not be able to find a job until next year. Please help!
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tl;dr I was a dumbass senior and didnt attend or do work for a class up until the last month or so. Now I'm not sure if I'll pass it or not. This is the only class I'm at risk for failing, and I won't be able to get my degree for another semester if I fail it.

The new weapons are a lot of fun for PvE but they haven't really seen a lot of serious use in PvP, and at this point in the season people seem to agree that they're just not as strong as the classic blundesnipe (or pistol/snipe once in a blue moon if you're feeling spicy) meta. Scattershots are also pretty unreliable in my experience because of the sheer randomness of the spread making 2 or more of the shots whiff even at point-blank. Overall, to me this just feels like the harpoon tightrope season so far. Rare seems to know this, as they hinted towards a balance update in their latest update video.
This is a tricky topic to talk about because while people have been sick of blundersnipe & boarding meta for ages, it is objectively hard to use and making the more technical strategies equally as strong as blind sword-spamming would be bad game design. At the same time, I think this game's pirate-v-pirate combat really fails to satisfy the pirate fantasy unlike the naval and the open world. Bhopping around, spamming food as soon as you get hit, gambling on oneshots... It's all very videogamey. Right now is the perfect opportunity to touch up one of the game's only objective weak points. Here's a list of ideas I've had:

• Remove the one-blundy. Make the thing shoot one fewer pellet. It's just too much. It's uninteractive, it's overcentralizing. This one feature completely warps the dynamics of boarding PvP. You are throwing by not having access to it on ladder defense, and you are throwing by not having access to it on offense. It doesn't make sense for the big loud clumsy shotgun to be the perfect stealth weapon, and it makes kills and deaths feel unearned.
• To compensate, slightly tighten the spread and increase the knockback. This turns it into more of a two-tap combo tool, while making it more consistent at ranges other than melee. Still synergizes well with the sniper
• Give throwing knives their 1-hit-KO backstab. Honestly I think knives are pretty well balanced, maybe make them a bit quicker to arm for how hard to hit they are. But the fact that you can't sneak up behind a cannoneer and spy tf2 backstab them is just heartbreaking. The stab doesn't feel like it has a usecase. It would probably be a pain in the ass to add back detection codewise, but if they plan on giving more content to stealth pirates later this year, this is an absolute must.
• Make sword blocking and whiffing more important. Take some cues from fighting games here - in sword v sword duels, committing to the whole 3-hit combo should be risky. If you block all 3 hits, the opponent should be recovering for long enough that you get to guarantee some serious hits on them. The "hitstun" / combo interruption also needs to be addressed, as at the moment its janky nature just leads to mindless M1 spamming. This would add a nice dynamic of patience to sword duels. A parry system would also be awesome, but that's beyond the scope of a simple mid-season balance pass.
• Add some sort of jump cooldown or something. Endless bhopping artificially buffs long-reload weapons like the sniper and blundy. More mobility does not always mean more fun.
• Make eating a slightly longer animation that can't be cancelled. Make people quit complaining about "foodreg" when they mess up their swap times by just eliminating that as a concern.
• Increase the reload times on the sniper. It's important that the eye of reach stays strong in ship-to-ship combat, but right now I don't think it has much of an opportunity cost when you're on the same deck.
• Let the double-barrel charge its shot faster. Right now it just feels so gummy and terrible to use. Maybe even put the charge on a different key or something, like R when you're already reloaded.

Hi everyone,
I wanted to share with you my response to the introduction found in the only edition of Use of the Self currently in print. I believe it's a rather misleading intro to FM Alexander's work, so I'm sharing this in the hope that I can help clear up misconceptions people may have about the Alexander Technique, not derived only from Anthony Kingsley, but many bland blog posts one tends to encounter when researching the Alexander Technique. That said, this is not intended to be an introduction of its own, but rather something experienced students, teachers, and anyone enthusiastically learning the Technique may find useful. In the tradition of Alexander himself, I've included extensive footnotes, some painfully long. I'm happy to answer any questions or otherwise discuss what I've written. Understand these are my own interpretations and opinions about what some call "the work," so take them as you will. I've taken lessons for a number of years and currently am training as a teacher, so my view of the Technique is based on these experiences, as well as my interpretations of Alexander's writings. Some of these interpretations you may object to, but I hope you find my arguments reasonable.
Response to Anthony Kingsley's Introduction to The Use of the Self
The Use of the Self may be FM Alexander's most important work, since it contains his own account of how he developed what is now called the Alexander Technique. While Alexander's other volumes are available from Mouritz, the only edition of The Use of the Self currently in print is published by Orion Spring. This edition replaces the philosopher John Dewey's introduction—which praises the technique's "genuinely scientific character"—with one by the contemporary teacher Anthony Kingsley, who is heralded on the book's front cover as a "leading Alexander Technique teacher." Therefore it is probable that many readers' first impressions of the Alexander Technique will be framed by Mr. Kingsley's opinions. I submit this is problematic, since his introduction is in my view contradictory to fundamental principles of the Alexander Technique. I write this response to address the introduction's two most dire faults: Kingsley's misrepresentation of the concepts inhibition and direction, and his dismissal of the concept of the primary control. I'll begin with the second, since it is a more straightforward error.
Primary Control
Kingsley opens his paragraphs on the primary control with the opinion that the concept should be "recast," then describes Alexander's definition of the primary control as a "particular relationship of his head, neck and back [that] acted as a master reflex that conditioned his whole organism." Then he discards this definition, claiming the head-neck-back relativity should instead be "regarded as an indicator[sic] of overall health rather than an area considered in isolation." He concedes the "region of the neck and back is a [...] barometer of our state of being," but concludes that "no single element is actually primary," since our eyes, breath, digestive system, and all other psychophysical elements are "simultaneous and interdependent" and also like barometers. Finally, he reveals his "recast" of the primary control, defining it as "the unknown and unseen self-righting and self-healing mechanism that can be restored and vitalized."
In sum, Mr. Kingsley has presented the primary control—which Alexander wrote extensively about and considered central to his technique—with an ill-defined mystical force which, accordingly, Alexander must have unwittingly stumbled upon and mistaken for a certain relativity of the head, neck and back.
Ironically, it is in The Use of the Self where Alexander wrote of discovering the necessity to first free his neck in seeking a better condition for his vocal apparatus, since that was the sine qua non of taking his head forward and up, of widening the back, and so forth, which are in turn the necessary conditions of freedom and stability in the limbs. This is the genesis of Alexander's use of the word "primary" in describing the head-neck-back relationship, and in my experience, as in Alexander's, it holds true: the sequence of directions given to oneself matters greatly, since tense feet, for example, can hardly flatten on the floor if the head is taken back and down, whereas the head can be taken "forward and up"1 to a fine degree even if there is tension in the lower extremities, particularly while sitting. Further, and maybe most significantly, the relativity of the head-neck-back rarely need change during any manner of activity, whereas the arms and legs are constantly bending, rising, stretching, and so on. Small wonder Alexander considered this relativity primary.
Of course, Kingsley is not wrong to point out the interdependence of all processes in the body. It is certainly true that undue tension in the feet creates a downward pull on the head, neck and back. Yet what is crucial to understand here is that in the context of learning and teaching the Alexander Technique, the primary control is an indispensable concept. It instructs the pupil to guide his or her attention through the body in the sequence most fit to facilitate proper relativity of all the parts, and it names succinctly that natural, visible, dynamic yet enduring relativity of the head, neck and back observable in little children and animals as well as many great musicians and athletes. Thus Kingsley discards a practical concept in favor of a truism about "interdependence;" and so we come to his second, graver error.
Direction
Here it begins to seem that what Kingsley writes of in his introduction is not the Alexander Technique at all, but in fact the Kingsley Technique, since he has redefined not only the primary control, but two other conceptual pillars of the technique: inhibition and direction.
First, he takes aim at direction, neglecting to elucidate Alexander's own definition of the concept before setting out the axiom that "aiming for postural improvements using postural directions leads to a bodymind[sic] attitude of effort and trying, which simply reinforces the problem." Dismissing as superfluous all "ideas and images about heads, necks and backs," he declares that "the trying[sic] self is the obstacle, and the shift towards a non-trying[sic] self is the solution." Finally, he offers his own definition of the directions as "the natural flow of energy and vibrancy that exists within the organism," directions which are interfered with "when we are in a condition of stress and reactivity."
Here, again, Kingsley takes a practical concept which Alexander developed based on careful observation of his own muscular action, and replaces it with a kind of mystical or spiritual phenomenon which, implicitly, only the initiated can perceive.2 Thus the famous directions are not, as Alexander described repeatedly, a series of mental orders or intentions projected to oneself before and during muscular activity along lines one has reasoned out in advance, but a "natural flow of energy and vibrancy"—just as the primary control is not, as Alexander saw it, a concrete, observable relativity of the head, neck and back, but an "unknown and unseen self-righting and self-healing mechanism." These pseudo-spiritual definitions do a massive disservice to neophyte readers, and reveal Kingsley's muddled seeing in relation to the central problem addressed by the Alexander Technique: how to shed habit and coordinate the bodymind through reasoned conception and conscious awareness.
But for a moment let us leave aside direction, since a subtler and more misleading error still lurks in Kingsley's presentation: his dismissal of conception itself. He explicitly warns that "ideas, concepts and cognitive efforts reinforce the very mental instrument that is the problem in the first place," he advises us to simply trust that "the prevention or inhibition[sic] of reaction, maintains or liberates this stream of energy [or direction] in the body."
To understand Kingsley's error, we must return to Alexander. In Man's Supreme Inheritance, Alexander sets out four stages to the "performance of any muscular action by conscious guidance and control:"

1. The conception of the movement required;
2. The inhibition of erroneous preconceived ideas which subconsciously suggest the manner in which the movement or series of movements should be performed;
3. The new and conscious mental orders which will set in motion the muscular mechanism essential to the correct performance of the action;
4. The movements (contractions and expansions) of the muscles which carry out the mental orders.

Alexander considered "conception of the movement required" the very first stage in his technique, to precede even inhibition. Thus he made clear, if indirectly, that in the context of his technique, clear conception is essential to achieving a desired end. Incidentally, this is a fact any competent artist can attest to; if a composition is not unambiguously understood and organized within one's memory, it cannot be brought to fruition. Even the most simple act, such as extending one's arm to grasp a nearby object, requires a detailed conception of distance, weight, strength, and so forth; if the object turns out to be heavier than expected, the conception of these variables and their relation to one another, and hence the muscular action, must change. This is direction in action, albeit subconscious.
Yet Kingsley belittles conception, instead leaning on concepts like "ease," "letting go" "acceptance," and the like. He is not alone in this among teachers, but in my opinion, they overlook the influence of what Alexander termed "erroneous beliefs," a concept closely related to that of "unreliable sensory appreciation." Both could be read in the spiritual lexicon alongside "letting go," etc.; but that would place their referent outside the realm of what words and concepts can describe. On the contrary, Alexander was pointing to something concrete and empirically observable: to errors of spatio-motor perception able to be observed phenomenologically and in other people's behavior; not to transcendent truths about observation itself. Thus the classic example of an Alexandrian "erroneous belief" is a person who raises their arm and believes their shoulder has remained still when it has not. The key for the pupil in this instance is to gain an accurate conception5 of their own muscular action, in reference to bodily sensations; not to simply "let go" or "do nothing."3 And this conception must come about through active tutelage—e.g. Alexander Technique lessons—or, dare I say, the way Alexander himself did it: by reasoned experimentation, conceiving hypotheses based on careful register and analysis of his own sensations, and also by watching the behavior of others. John Dewey called the technique scientific for a reason.
All of this is not to understate the importance of concepts like "release" and "effortlessness," including in the context of the Alexander Technique. Seeing more or less what is meant by them is doubtless the key to mastery of all activities, all practices, all techniques. Yet those spiritual concepts should not blot out the very concrete technique Alexander developed for improving what he called "the use of the self:" that coordination of the muscular system, achieved through conscious reason, which influences for better or worse the functioning of the whole organism.4
Inhibition
So much for direction. What about inhibition? Under the heading "Inhibition and Non-Doing," Kingsley describes Alexander's understanding of inhibition as "an artificial pause between stimulus and reaction," after which he could "give directions to himself." Then he lays down the gauntlet, stating that in the "real world […] life does not offer us the choice to inhibit:" since according to neuroscience research, "neural reactions take milliseconds and are faster than conscious thought processes." In other words, "we either react to the stimulus, or not." So, with inhibition proven impossible, Kingsley is left with no choice but to "reformulate" another of Alexander's concepts, offering us a supposedly scientifically enlightened6 view that inhibition is really "a quality of non-doing[sic] that needs to be already available in the organism before the receipt of a stimulus." This is "a way of being[sic] rather than a way of doing[sic]."
This Kingsleyan inhibition turns out to be the essence of the technique, since it is this very "condition of non-doing[sic]" the teacher is supposed to transmit, through a touch Kingsley describes as "a dance of poetry and a symphony of silence." With it, the teacher imparts a "deep sense of acceptance" by which "change emerges in the pupil."7 He goes on to compare the Alexander Technique to "Zen Buddhism, mindfulness and the philosophy of non-duality," identifying the uniqueness of the Alexander Technique in "the transmission of immediate experience." In fact, there is no Alexander Technique as such, but only inhibition:
The Chinese Tao has a concept of Wu Wei[sic], which translates as surrendering to the effortless flow of life[sic], or non-doing[sic] action. Ultimately, the Alexander Technique needs to reinvent itself and relinquish the Technique. The Alexander Teacher really teaches nothing[sic!]. But this nothing or emptiness is in fact the deepest essence of being and the fullness of life. Like grace, it drops onto us and into us when the conditions are ripe.
The problem is that Alexander's own writings indicate that inhibition is not a "quality," a "condition," or a "surrendering to the effortless flow of life." On the contrary, according to Universal Constant in Living, it is "the act of refusing to respond to the primary desire to gain an end, [which] becomes the act of responding (volitionary act) to the conscious reasoned desire to employ the means whereby that end may be gained." As clear as day: inhibition is an action in response to the stimulus of conscious desire: a conscious, continuing refusal to do a thing the way one normally does it. Alexander saw that this inhibitory act had to precede in every instance any attempt to change his habits. Everyone is well familiar with the inhibitory act. The act of not indulging an immediate desire, however small, is it. So, inhibition is not an "artificial pause," but a phenomenologically observable process within the organism, a process that can be made habitual through practice. It is no more abstract and transcendent than blinking or moving one's finger.7
Here Kingsley again takes something ordinary and concrete and makes it mystical, going so far as to "relinquish the Technique." The trouble is that there is a good reason the Alexander Technique came to be known as such. A technique is a skillful way of doing something; a mental tool; a procedure. Ways of doing can be found everywhere: techniques for dance, for romance, for healing, even for attaining nirvana or enlightenment. Each has a goal in mind and is based on what worked in the past; each resorts to concepts to explain itself; each prescribes action, or doing something a certain way. Yet Kingsley dismisses the idea of doing anything at all. Equating the Alexander Technique with "nothing," he tosses out the concepts Alexander spent decades refining, when Alexander's genius was precisely to conceive a useful, coherent way of doing things through patient observation of the phenomena he termed inhibition, direction, primary control, and the rest.
So, the technique may encompass all the acts of living, but it is still a technique. Alexander often used the term "procedure" to describe it, and I think procedure is as apt a word as any to describe the application of his technique to the acts of living. He constantly stressed the technique's sequential, stepwise nature and recorded countless practical examples of it in action, both in hypotheticals and accounts of lessons. The technique is not a metaphysics or a philosophy like non-duality; it is a practical procedure with a clear purpose: restoring
advantageous, natural relativity of the head, neck and back.
Conclusion
The technique is blindingly simple but surprisingly subtle and difficult to master; and, as far as I am aware, it is unique. Unfortunately, Kingsley is not alone in overlooking the uniqueness and subtleties of the technique in favor of spiritual truisms and platitudes. I suspect there are two main reasons for this.
The first is the tendency of serious pupils of the technique to become more open to "spirituality," both philosophically (e.g. non-duality) and in terms of sadhana (e.g. meditation, yoga, self-inquiry). Many are enthusiastic about the similarities between the Alexander Technique and, for example, mindfulness practice. It is certainly true that the technique requires the pupil to have some degree of "mindfulness," or the ability to realize when the mind has wandered; and it is also true that a few people who devote themselves to the technique come upon some of the same insights one might find in spiritual practice. Yet spiritual insight is not the purpose of the technique. In my opinion, the Alexander Technique is a relative of energy practices such as Hatha yoga, qigong, and TRE (trauma release exercises). Such techniques are often used in tandem with spiritual practices meant for the cultivation of insight, but their purpose has traditionally been preparatory and salutary, not "spiritual." One need not stray too esoteric to encounter the idea that the real goal of spirituality has nothing to do with "ways of doing." On the other hand, Qigong explicitly aims to regulate qi in the body; kundalini yoga is concerned with the flow of prana; the Alexander Technique seeks to restore the good use of the primary control. More practically, the technique teaches mental discipline, and ultimately the ability of the nervous system to regulate itself. Such a practice may lay the groundwork for spiritual realization, but it is by no means indistinguishable from it.
While there is no point speculating about Alexander's private insights, one thing can be certain: he left us a definite procedure with a practical, concrete purpose—not a transcendental one. Yet Kingsley's introduction continually implies the Alexander Technique is an essentially spiritual practice with heavenly fruit. Disparaging the core concepts that constitute the Alexander Technique, he invites us instead to simply "surrender," "let go in faith," and blindly trust that its real essence—nothing less than Wu Wei—will be transmitted through the "rare, "unconditional" touch of the teacher.
The second, more obvious reason Alexander has been so misunderstood is that he rarely wrote concisely, and in any case, recognition and conception of the primary control can never be refined through words, but only through unfamiliar sensory experiences—either reasoned out, as Alexander did, or in the hands of a good teacher. Hence there is more than a kernel of truth to Kingsley's view of the "supreme value of guidance with the hands;" yet I differ from him in that I insist the Alexander Technique cannot be divorced from intellectual understanding and, indeed, conception.
The Use of the Self and Alexander's other works certainly were not without their flaws, but at their best they illuminate concepts which are nuanced, rich, and useful when applied. Primary control, direction and inhibition are three such concepts. Whatever their flaws, Alexander's books point the way to a wonderful technique, and they deserve thoughtful, probing introductions like Dewey's—not dismissals.
1 Like many other Alexandrian terms, the concrete meaning of "forward and up" seems incredibly controversial among Alexander Technique teachers. While I conceive it roughly as freedom of the atlanto-occipital joint, the term cannot be understood in isolation from the rest of the parts—namely, from one's conception of the primary control. It seems to experience it, one must discover it, as Alexander did, or be shown it by a teacher.
2 This is not to say there are not phenomena only some people perceive.
3An overemphasis on "letting go" and the like obscures the fact that Alexander always described the technique as consisting of stages or sequential steps, which in my opinion constitute the "means whereby" he wrote of.
4 "Use of the self" is another problematic term. Related to the concept of "good form" and "good technique" among athletes and musicians, it refers essentially to coordination of the musculature along reasoned lines, which is not separate from conception of the primary control. Equal and opposite is the term "misuse," since one's idea of misuse depends on one's idea of good use. Different teachers understand the term differently. Kingsley states that "bodily tensions and distortions become fixed and reinforced as we react to the general stimuli of living." True enough. Yet he goes on to imply it is associated only with fear, anxiety and distress. Again he couples this concept to the language of contemporary spirituality, trumpeting that it "alienates us from our own true nature." This is to completely ignore the point Alexander returned to again and again in his own writing: that the use of the self is inextricably linked with conception. No doubt, tension and imbalance are very often inextricable from fear. But there may be another class of misuse: one based on misconceptions about the body, unexamined movement patterns from childhood which have little or nothing to do with manifestations of stress or emotions in the body. I suspect one may experience profound psychophysical quietude yet still tend to throw their head back and down in relation to their neck and back, especially in movement.
5Kingsley writes that the teacher's touch indicates the "negation of trying and doing within the pupil." Even a token mention of guidance viz. the relativity of the body parts is nowhere to be found. Yet in my opinion this discussion of touch is misleading, since nothing like it can be found at all in Alexander's writings. On the contrary, Alexander stressed that the teacher's role was to demonstrate manually the proper relativity of the pupil's parts, with the means whereby of the technique; not to transmit "a way of being," nor indeed enlightenment or gnosis.
6 Neuroscientific findings relating to will and volition have proliferated in recent years. They may raise fundamental questions about the nature of self and will, but in my opinion they have little to do with the Alexander Technique, no more than they do with dancing or playing an instrument. If there are really recognizable activities Alexander termed "inhibition" and "direction," then his writings are timeless, since they speak from direct observation and experiment, not philosophy about "free will" and the like.
7 In spiritual literature one encounters, almost universally, the idea that there is no "doer" of action, or no "doer" but God. Hence Kingsley is implying that Alexandrian inhibition is somehow related to this concept, which Buddha famously summarized: "Events happen, deeds are done, but there is no doer thereof." In my opinion, the Alexander Technique has nothing more to do with this than does reading, writing, or playing a game. There may be "procedures followed, but no follower thereof."

Hail, fellow Helldivers!
I’m a game dev with over 20 years experience, half of that on live service games or MMOs, all of it on core combat for action games, on game teams ranging from 10 people to over 600.
I play a ton of hard co-op action games, and I was a huge fan of Helldivers 1. I’m honestly in awe of how good Helldivers 2 is, even after the hundreds of hours I’ve put into it, and how they’ve sustained the pace of updates for so long after launch.
Yes, this is a throwaway Reddit account, I wanted to share some of my thoughts without inviting death threats.
Development
This game must have been in development since shortly after Arrowhead’s last released game, Helldivers 1 (plus whatever DLC and maintenance), so, 8 years give or take (I sent Pilestedt a congratulatory email, but presumably he’s drowning in them, haha).
I ran into the devs at GDC 2019, shared a few drinks and we talked shop about our similar games. They were super cagey but very excited about what they were working on, even moreso when they found out I was a huge fan of HD1. They were clearly already deep in development of HD2 at that point.
This has been discussed elsewhere, but it adds to how impressive this game is: this is the same engine (Autodesk Stingray) as Helldivers 1, a top-down game with 2D gameplay and much lower visual fidelity. Stingray is no longer supported by Autodesk as of sometime after 2018, so most of the features HD2 required would have been built in-house by Arrowhead. To my knowledge there’s only one other studio actively using the engine, and that’s Fat Shark, the developers of (most recently) Warhammer 40,000: Darktide.
The AH team has grown massively in size over the past 8 years. I don’t have the exact numbers, but it’s a 5x to 10x increase in size. Scaling up that fast and not ruining your company culture is super hard, and you can see plenty of other studios that have tried to grow so they can build bigger games and have fallen apart doing it.
Helldivers 2 easily has a AAA level of polish. I’ve gone back to HD1 recently, which at the time looked and played super well, and the improvements are night and day. HD2’s production values compare favorably to any random AAA game released in the last few years
Weapons
Building first or third person weapons to this level of quality is extremely expensive. A unique gun for a AAA first person shooter might take 4-6 weeks of artist time and the same (or more) of designer time to set up and tune the gameplay. For any completely new type of weapon, factor in around 6 months of animator time, and a few weeks for a variant that has a different reload animation or similar. E.g. all rifle-sized shotguns might use the same base shotgun animation set, but the continuous reload shotguns would have a different reload animation than the Breaker family. Then you need VFX and audio too.
Vehicles are even moreso, taking months for each, more if they can seat multiple players or have points that contact the ground (e.g. wheels).
Environments
Building environments that look this good is expensive even if you know what you want, having built a prototype version, you then have to iterate on it while you refine the gameplay and then build the final art. Building environments that look this good and are procedurally generated in as freeform a way as in HD2 is mind-boggling. Let alone doing that in a way that runs fast enough. Sure once it’s all up and running you have a ton of variety for relatively cheap, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen the proc gen create a serious gameplay problem, and that indicates very clever design and thorough testing.
AI
AI that works as well as this is expensive to build, and typically computationally expensive at runtime too. In games like Call of Duty or whatever, you have a static environment, with maybe 10-20 active AI at a time, prebuilt navmesh (which is a hand-drawn or generated map that allows AI to move around the environment without having to calculate valid geometry constantly at runtime), and level or encounter designers have hand scripted a lot of what looks like emergent AI behavior. HD2 can’t do any of that; there can be hundreds of enemies active at once, the environments are procedurally generated, AND terrain can be deformed, buildings can be destroyed etc. The AI can’t be scripted to the same degree as on a static map, probably the devs have hints that are procedurally added to the world and not much more. It helps that all of the enemies we’ve seen so far are the “implacably advancing” kind, typically they don’t have any complex behaviors, and instead the design of the character themselves and their attacks carries the gameplay. Smart design. The Illuminate in HD1 were much sneakier, it’ll be interesting to see how that faction translates to a full 3D game with a lot more enemies active at once.
UI
This game has a lot of quality of life features that it’s easy to take for granted, but are hard to build, and hard to retrofit to an existing game, for example:
· A zoomable, pingable minimap (IMO this is a best-in-class minimap implementation)
· A ping system
· Battlepass implementation allowing for not expiring old battle passes.
And all of this is UI-heavy, where UI is one of the most expensive things to make in AAA games. Every project I’ve shipped, UI has been a bottleneck. It doesn’t help that every company basically builds a UI system from scratch, since engines rarely have something shippable built in, and Scaleform (the most prominent UI middleware) went away. And then it takes a ton of iteration to get to a point where a feature is powerful and intuitive to players.
Gamefeel
If you play much of the most highly-regarded AAA shooters, you might not like the feel of some of the weapons in Helldivers 2 by comparison. They often feel slow to use, hard to aim, and punishing of misses, bad timing or bad positioning. Some of this is a polish thing and probably isn’t intended, e.g. scopes that look janky in first person, misaligned reticles and similar stuff. Most of it though looks deliberate, and supports the gameplay they’re laser-focused on building. The weapons are largely useful in very specific situations, and are not power fantasy moments for the player. There are serious tradeoffs, including “if I’m caught by a melee enemy with a Recoilless Rifle out, I’m in trouble”, the most powerful support weapons preventing you from bringing a shield, the snappiest weapons typically only being useful against weak enemies, etc. Most mass-market shooters sacrifice this extreme level of tradeoff in service of making the game feel better to play, and can lack gameplay variety as a result.
Given all of the above, most of the content that Arrowhead has released post ship must have been built alongside the rest of the game. It’s unlikely that they’re able to turn around 3 new weapons, new giant enemies, new mission types etc every month for several months in a row building them from scratch since ship. And yet, the game at launch still felt complete. This is a hard balance to strike. I wonder how much near-shippable content they have in their war-chest, and whether they’ll be able to generate more quickly enough to satisfy the appetite of the community on an ongoing basis.
Balance
Typically on a live game, the same designers build gameplay, ship it, and then balance it in patches post-ship. Sometimes a studio will have a separate “live team”, either dedicated, or rotating members of the dev team through it, but this isn’t common and it doesn’t look like Arrowhead splits the team up like this.
In any case, players always ask why developers ever nerf anything, and it’s for three reasons:
· Typically only a small number of things (weapons, abilities, heroes) are dominant, and a very large number are OK or weak in the current meta – buffing everything else would be extremely expensive, and since it’s the same people doing this work and building new content, it’d reduce the amount of new content the team could make. So it’s much more efficient to tamp down the overpowered things as a priority, and buff some other options at the same time.
· “No nerf, only buff” results in player power creep over time, which makes the game easier, and eventually will require a correction either in the form of a large scale nerf pass or buffs to enemies – both of these are bad: players hate widespread nerfs, and buffing enemies can put the game in a degenerate state where lethality is skewed, or only the best players can compete because they have all the best gear, or you end up in an arms race between player design and enemy design as both teams try to react to player feedback or overall game difficulty.
· Having a small number of overpowered things is much more destructive to a varied meta than a small number of weak things. Say you have 100 abilities and 3 of them are overpowered. Well, now everyone’s only using 3% of the possible content. Say you have 100 abilities and 3 of them are too weak.The other 97% is viable. Overly simplistic, clearly there’s a gradient, but you get the idea.
BTW the pace at which Arrowhead has updated balance is extremely fast for a large PvE game. Some small PvP-only games can react this quickly to a developing meta, but on large-scale games it takes weeks or months of testing and platform certification to ship balance updates on consoles. And “hotfixes”, i.e. very quick responses to critical issues, have a high level of scrutiny on them, i.e. lots of justifiable red tape, and often require crunch.
Community Interaction
It’s extremely rare for developers from large studios at any level to talk directly to the community, mostly because the gaming community burned those bridges long ago, by doxing devs they don’t agree with, sending them death threats, or just generally abusing them publicly and anonymously. No way in hell would I be public facing, and no one at any studio should be required to unless it’s explicitly part of their job. And even then, I feel for community managers. Direct communication from devs is a precious thing, and not one that should be taken for granted or used as an avenue for abuse.
*Salutes* to Arrowhead
Huge, huge kudos to Arrowhead. This game is an absolute triumph. To go from a small team making top-down games, to a medium-sized AAA team that shipped a game that catapulted right to the top of the most-played charts and game of the year lists and has stayed there is a massive accomplishment. I hope you’re all seeing a big payday from this success!

Edit: *onboarding process
ello, I recently applied for a job on Indeed and a person contacted me on the phone describing the position, pay, etc. They sent me a link to a website called 'ding-aerotek.allegisgroup.com'. On this "onboarding process" they asked me to fill out my social security, W2 info such as my dependents and address, etc. They made me sign electrical documents over the internet accepting the job. Does anyone who has any knowledge of working as a recruiter or working at Aerotek knows if this is legit. Please help ASAP because I am very nervous should I freeze my Social security and all my information and would I be asked to do all of this without meeting anyone in person. They're also asking me to do a drug screening and sent me a email with a 'escreen' I'm supposed to show them. All help appreciated thank you

I just stumbled upon this card messing around.
‘When this card has been sent to the Graveyard. It is returned to the top of your deck instead.’
Not amazing, but is there a way of making your opponent keep a card for the game? I could see some funny ideas if so

My and my gf just got unfairly kicked out from AVA Hollywood. We moved there last year in July. The place was a little expensive but it was a pet friendly places with really nice amenities and my gf was looking to get a dog, which she did two weeks after we moved in (I would like to mention that my gf and I both do music related stuff, I’m a musician and she is a producer so we tend to stay up late working or I sometimes come back late for shows too). For the first couple months we lived our lives our lives normally and had no noise complaints, it all changed in September when the security guard knocked on my door and told me not to do laundry at night which made it hard because it was usually the only time I had to do my laundry but I agreed since it was stated in our resident agreement. I didn’t give it much importance but the next week I started to get notes on my door asking to stop stomping, then she started sending the guards over, at first I thought it was the dog so we started locking him but we were still getting complaints (I would like to mention my gf is Asian so we never wear shoes inside). The complaints kept going so I started sending my neighbor notes too saying that we are not doing anything but she kept saying we were stomping, so we decided to buy cameras and sound level meters and saw that we were in fact not noisy and that all of our levels were within the legal threshold (I would like to bring the fact that we make music, if they had complained about music it would’ve been more reasonable but she was complaining about waking, and it got worse but we’ll get to that). Around October the knocks on my door became more and more common, it got to a point where we would get the SAME guard knock on our door 2 or 3 times a day, sometimes with the apartment completely empty in November management started calling me to my personal number too and here comes Christine. She is one staff member who was very rude and would always discredit everything I said she told me she has talked to my neighbors and they all said we were loud, she also said something that was interesting she said she had heard me stomping the previous day which would not have been possible since that happened at around 10 pm and the office is open from 10 am to 6 pm, not to mention it is in another building so the only 2 options were that she was either lying or she lived under me so I decided to talk to my other neighbors (next door and upstairs) and ask if they thought we were noisy and if management had asked them about us and surprise surprise the answer was no to both questions but they all mentioned hearing their upstairs neighbors walk some even used the term stomp too. So I started gathering all that information along with security footage and sound level graphs with the results thrown by the sound level meter we got and and I started putting it on a Power Point presentation being so focused on this made me start paying attention to my upstairs neighbors too, and I heard the so called stomps to, I decided to measure with the sound level meter and to my surprise the results were similar to a quiet room around 30 dB the only difference was that the so called stomps just showed some higher peaks but they were all within the legal threshold. I kept compiling evidence and talking to other residents to learn about the building and how good was the staff when handling this stuff and one of my neighbors said her upstairs neighbors were throwing a party and that she told management but they said she had to call the security team next time it happened and she did but they couldn’t hear anything outside the door then she asked them to go inside her unit so they can hear it but they said they can’t because that’s against company rules. The complaints kept going but they started sending different guards now, thanks to the information provided by my neighbor I started asking them if they had heard anything and they all said no, I even went as far as having my GF play with the dog and went outside our apartment and downstairs and heard nothing. Eventually Mr Daniel Doroteo who was the guard who had been bothering us came again and I asked him if he had heard anything and he said he did and I asked him how because I was 100% sure there was no way to hear it from outside and he said I was right and that he went inside the apartment so I mentioned that I heard from another resident that was against the rules to which he said they can do it with our permission, I let him off the hook that time which was a big mistake since he denied it all the other times I brought up. On December I got my first notice and they had the times and dates of all the verified noise complaint and there were a couple interesting things, for starters the only person who had verified them was Daniel Doroteo, and then I saw that they omitted a lot of complaints including the ones where Daniel went there more than once, and to make it worse there’s complaints that were verified with the apartment completely empty or when we were sleeping they also omitted one complaint where Daniel said he heard a TV when we have no TV. So I got the security footage from the dates and times mentioned in the notice and scheduled a meeting a little before that Christine (remember her?) called me and started the call by threatening to take me to court so that got mixed with all the stress I was getting from this, I could not sleep and even the slightest noise even if I was outside would trigger a panic attack so I got heated and just started talking over her and screaming so she hung up, I mention this because when I went to tal to the staff, they said they scheduled me with Christine so I would have to wait for her. Meeting her in person was more unpleasant than on the phone she was loud, rude,cocky, and she would do anything to try dismissing my evidence stuff from saying my sound levels were not valid because they were recorded from source which showed she clearly has no clue about how sound works, luckily I had recorded my upstairs neighbor and after she saw that she tried to gain the upper hand by saying I was taking to her like that because she was a woman, to which I responded that I was using the same tone she was using on me and that if I was addressing the other person differently was because he was addressing me in the same way, she did apologize so I gotta give her that. I think we were lucky there was another staff member called Zach because if it wasn’t for her presence we wouldn’t have gotten anywhere if he wasn’t there, but he was only helpful in preventing Christine and I from further escalating this. Like I said I was only met with dismissal from them even with all my evidence they kept deflecting it by saying it had been verified by a third party (that third party being Mr Daniel Doroteo who was hired through the company allied universal making him a third party), they also forced me to buy carpet to cover 70% of the unit. Zach also asked me to email him the evidence and that he would look at it (I later found out that was a big mistake). That’s all for now, I’ll post the next part later, it’s a very long story and I omitted some details to keep it as short as possible (but it didn’t do much haha). But feel free to ask anything.

I gave it my address and my email but didn't fill anything out in regards to dues.
Yet, I still got an email thanking me for my application. I hate to say this but is it possible I could rescind my application? I did it yesterday.
Its nothing personal I just realized I'm not politically as aligned as I had thought.

This might not be the right sub to post this issue but It wouldn't allow me to post on fiverr subreddit for some reason. The answer might be obvious but I'm new to fiverr and a potential buyer sent me a message with the following text
"Hello, I was choosing between several offers, yours seemed to be the most suitable. I want to place an order, but when I click "Continue", Fiverr asks for your email address. Could you write it to me?"
Does Fiverr asks for your the seller Email? I mean, they already have all the info so I wanted to ask first. Thanks in advance! 🤍

Well first of all, I know that I could be a lot worse off and I truly feel for everyone on this sub, some stories are truly heartbreaking. But I don’t feel myself anymore and I feel myself going a lot worse, so I think it would really help to address the problem to prevent it from getting worse.
Firstly my (17F) parents are pretty good parents and all, but I just feel like something is lacking. I’m not being an ungrateful daughter that can just point out faults but something is just… off. I’m quite convinced that my dad has anger management issues, since he’s usually fine. But sometimes something that he would react normally to he EXPLODES. He can also get vicious with me now and again, I’ll say around once a month. In general he’s pretty chilled, but when he’s angry it gets bad.
Next, there’s my mom, who I’m quite sure might have narcissistic personality disorder, explaining it will need a whole other story, but she and my dad just don’t seem to care about my feelings as much as, let’s say, my friends parents. At school I was being borderline bullied, I kept it secret for almost a year and I remember the dread of going in, and when I was there I felt pure fear when I would be in the same class or close proximity to any of the bullies. I could even feel my legs shaking. I would skip PE so I didn’t feel a fool in front of them. And I skipped school quite a few times without my parents knowing. When I finally built up the courage to tell my mom, she didn’t do much at all. She refused to let me move school or be homeschooled, and when I’d come home upset she’d be annoyed at me for being ‘weak’, she also said she was GLAD I was being picked on since it helps ‘build character’. She also refused to do anything since school was nearly over, and she said that I need to focus on my final exams. I honestly think I would have done way better on those exams without having those bullies on my mind for the last couple years. Now I’m looking for a job, which I still don’t have since it’s very hard to find one and a lot won’t take me on coz I’m under 18. My grandma suggested I go with my mom about once a month to her self employed business, so I at least feel a purpose. When I brought this up to my mom she flat out REFUSED and said she ‘has a reputation she needs to keep’. I have begged to go on a training course like a couple of my friends have, but again my parents have said no and that everyone else is doing nails like my friends. I told them that at least I’d be doing something and they can’t complain about that anymore, and that it’s MY life so they can’t dictate what career path I go down.
Another problem in my life right now is church and my grandma. I loved going to church and I love the idea of it, but in my church, the audience can contribute when asked questions in a certain part of the service, which I have basically done all my life. People LOVE it when I comment and they always give me praise, but it has made me popular. So much that if I miss church once, there will be worried people asking my family where I am and my phone will be flooded with text messages. I hate to sound narcissistic but this doesn’t happen to any of the other kids, and I’m normally left thinking ‘why is it always me?’ Whenever any one of my family members is talking to someone from church, my name always gets a mention without fail, they always praise me and even though they’re being kind I’m getting fed up of hearing about myself all the time. Another reason why Im not so sure about being popular is because there’s a big gossip culture in my church and if you step out of line ONCE, everyone’s talking about you. It’s honestly like paparazzi. While some lesser known members of my church can easily slip away and do things unnoticed, I can’t take that risk. I feel like I always need to be perfect and it’s putting so much pressure on me. I have also had to go up on the platform many times, and as much as I don’t like saying it, performing from a young age has contributed to me craving attention. I have a love hate relationship with me being popular since I like to feel wanted but I don’t want to be a puppet. Another problem is that I don’t want to go to church tomorrow and my grandma is FORCING me to. She says she’ll drag me there and make me go. She has 3 grandkids but it’s always me getting pressurised. One of the other 2 wanted to leave the church altogether, but he was just sweet talked into coming back. When I took one day off my grandma threatened having those with authority have a serious word with me. One of my friends has also recently got baptised, I’m so happy for her but my grandma was complaining that I’m not making any progress and that all of my friends will be baptised and that I will have no status to my name still. She was also saying what a great job an 8 year old was doing at church and knew all of the bible scriptures. She told me that I probably couldn’t do that when, first of all, it’s not a competition and second, I actually stood up to a teacher in school about my faith. But this is really depressing me with all this pressure on me there’s literally 3 grandkids and it’s always me getting in trouble for not being good enough, not commenting enough, not performing enough.
Sorry that I ranted, there’s just so much I need to get off my chest. I literally wake up some days with no purpose or hope. I tell my parents about how I feel at church and all I get is the shrug of their shoulders. I’m just curious if it’s valid for all of this to be affecting my mental health and if my parents or church is taking a bigger toll on it. Any advice is always appreciated :)