*** Comments mentioning anything related to treatment, trying to conceive, or family building measures in this thread will be removed via our OFF TOPIC rule. Consider if you were taking a break from treatment because you were exhausted and sad - treatment (yes anything related to it) goes in treatment **\*
Coping with infertility is complex, and it is our imperative to create places where we can honor the distinctly unique needs created by infertility. Sit beside us and share what’s on your mind and going on in your life. This is a great place to get to know your fellow members outside the gravity of treatment. Discussion here includes, but is not limited to:

• Venting about the impact of infertility on our lives/relationships/careers
• Non-IF Rants of all kind – marriage, career, societal, social media, friendships, mental health, and yes… politics too. It doesn’t need to be infertility related!
• Discussions around dealing with the influence of infertility – therapy, coping methods, finding supportive friends, getting lapped by a friend, dealing with pregnancy announcements, pushy parents, people that don’t understand, etc. The big picture stuff.
• Sharing stories and parts of your life (pictures of pets always welcome!) outside of infertility

​
Example of the difference between the Treatment and Chat Thread:
Comments for the Treatment Thread

• Literally anything that involves or mentions treatment, trying to conceive, or any family building measures: paying for it, being exhausted by it, fighting about it, telling other people about it. If anything about your comment has anything to do with treatment or TTC, it belongs in the treatment thread. Also including diagnostic tests, medication, lab results, or lifestyle measures taking in the hopes of improving treatment outcome.
  • I'm in the TWW, and I'm glad I scheduled a vacation as a distraction!
  • I'm trying to decide if I should delay my egg retrieval cycle because this is a big work month for me.
  • I told my parents about IVF, and they were incredibly supportive. I feel really grateful.

Comments for the Chat Thread

• You can of course still discuss infertility in the chat thread:
  • I am super bummed about being lapped by a friend.
  • I have two currently pregnant coworkers, and I am losing my mind with all the pregnancy discussion.
  • Today is the anniversary of my loss, and I'm really struggling.
• Or you can discuss things unrelated to infertility:
  • Whoa, my dogwalker taught my dog to roll over.
  • There's this donut place next to my work that sells donuts for $5 each, but the WILD thing is that they're worth it!
  • My spouse and I are planning a trip to Europe. Opinions on Italy vs Greece?

A few notes:

• Positive HPT or Beta Results (including Beta Hell) should only be posted in the Results thread as per the rules (except for confirmed loss): https://www.reddit.com/infertility/search?q=flair_name%3A%22Results%22
• We recognize that the AM/PM distinction doesn’t match up with every time zone in our global community, we ask that you pick the most recently posted thread wherever you are.
• Standalone culture here is saved for complex topics, usually including detailed conversations around scientific studies, or asking multi-part complex questions around treatment plans. We strongly recommend posting in the community threads first. If you aren’t sure, ask in the daily threads first!

Above all - Science minded perspective and respect for others is important here. Please treat your fellow peers with compassion.
Last reminder - this is the CHAT thread. Not the place to discuss anything focused on treatment, TTC, or family building measures.

For some, intensive meditation can cause mental suffering. The predominantly positive image of meditation makes it difficult for those affected to be heard in the event of side effects, as SWR research shows.
By Linda Huber, SWR
Millions of people in Germany meditate regularly. The offerings range from apps and online courses to meditation in studios and multi-day retreats. According to a Statista Consumer Survey, almost one in four people between the ages of 18 and 64 have a meditation app on their cell phone. A Buddhist tradition has long since become a mass phenomenon and the market for mindfulness is booming, with meditation often being praised as a cure for stress and mental health problems. However, recent scientific studies show that intensive meditation can also trigger serious psychological side effects. This side effect is often ignored or trivialized, as research by the investigative format Vollbild revealed.
One in ten meditators suffers from side effects
In a ten-year long-term study, US psychologist Willoughby Britton from Brown University was able to prove that around one in ten meditators develop side effects that severely restrict them in their everyday life. According to Britton, anxiety, traumatic flashbacks and hypersensitivity are the most common side effects of meditation. German studies also point to undesirable side effects of meditation: a study by a working group at Charité Berlin found that a total of 22 percent of 1,397 meditating test subjects had undesirable effects. Of these, around nine percent were classified as mild and temporary, while 13 percent had moderate to extreme adverse effects that required treatment, were permanent or even required hospitalization.
Negative effects often underestimated
Research on meditation over the past 20 years has mostly shown positive effects such as the reduction of stress or depression. Psychologist Britton criticizes the research on contemplative practices and points out that the negative effects of meditation are often underestimated.
In Germany, the first contact point for victims of meditation side effects has been open for two years at the Institute for Frontier Areas of Psychology and Mental Hygiene in Freiburg. Psychologists Ulrich Ott and Liane Hofmann set up the contact point. They report that the consultation hours are already very popular and that the level of suffering of many of those affected is high. The psychologists suspect a high number of unreported cases and assume that there is a great need for counseling in Germany.
Panic attacks, hospitalization, suicide after meditation
Fullscreen has spoken to several people who have developed severe psychological problems after intensive meditation and had to be treated in a clinic. A 26-year-old student from Wiesbaden describes how he developed panic attacks after intensive meditation with an app and had to be treated in a clinic. A 28-year-old doctoral student from Düsseldorf reports that she developed delusions after an intensive retreat and had to be hospitalized, while a particularly drastic case from Canada shows extreme consequences: A young woman left a ten-day meditation retreat early and took her own life. Her mother reports that her daughter already felt unwell during the retreat. When asked, the meditation center explained that it was deeply saddened by the tragic incident. Teachers are trained to recognize signs of mental imbalance, and students are not asked to continue meditating if they are in distress.
Responsibility seen in meditators
The predominantly positive image of meditation often means that those affected have difficulty being heard and understood when side effects occur, and that providers often see meditators as being responsible.US researcher Britton also observes this: "Blaming the victim is probably the most common reaction. It comes in many different varieties." It is often said that the person has already brought the problems with them. The retreat or the provider are therefore not responsible. Or the person has meditated incorrectly. "The normal meditation teacher wants to be helpful, and then to hear that you have caused harm is a very difficult kind of feedback," says Britton.The psychologists Ott and Hofmann criticize the fact that meditation providers often deny responsibility for possible side effects: "It is of course also the responsibility of the providers to check in advance whether the people are mentally healthy, whether they are stable and not to deny all responsibility with such a disclaimer," says Ott. However, the offers often state: "Participation at your own risk. This clearly places the responsibility on the participants," says Ott.
No mandatory training, no monitoring
How little attention is paid to risks is also shown by an undercover investigation: in a self-experiment, Vollbild asked around 20 meditation providers for a course and stated that the supposed interested party had mental health problems. Only a few advised her to consult a doctor or therapist beforehand. The providers' websites did not provide any information on the risks and side effects of meditation in advance. In Germany, there is the Association of Mindfulness Teachers with eight training institutes and around 1,000 mindfulness teachers. According to full-screen research, undesirable side effects of meditation are an issue in training here. However, the training is voluntary. Anyone who wants to can offer meditation. There are no controls. This is another reason why many meditation teachers are apparently overwhelmed by the psychological damage and side effects of meditation.
Translated with DeepL.com (free version)
https://www.tagesschau.de/investigativ/swmeditation-risiken-nebenwirkungen-100.html
Comments to the video:
"The fact that meditation or Buddhist practice in general (not just sitting) has dark sides has always been described. In Buddhist sutras, entire texts are dedicated to the spiritual decline of some practitioners. In Zen, "meditation sickness" is a well-known term, as is "lung" in Tibetan Buddhism. Various studies prove that there are often psychological problems, especially during intensive meditation sessions. For example, one psychologist describes that deprivatized sitting without movement can stress the neurons to such an extent that psychosis-like states can be reached. If you need help or would like more information on the possible symptoms and side effects (based on scientific data), please visit Cheetaw House, they can also help those affected. What Micki describes at the beginning is also something that I consider extremely dangerous, if any teacher says to you "you have to go through this", then you should distance yourself as quickly as possible. Meditation should never be associated with thoughts of self-optimization or the desire for eternal happiness, in Zen they say "Zen brings nothing", or you could say, seek neither happiness nor unhappiness, only in this way can an authentic path be realized, with in my opinion clearly more serenity. Unfortunately, it is not without reason that many practitioners have been saying for a long time that 80 percent of Buddhist offerings are not authentic. Just look at the charlatans who serve as role models these days: Hinnerk Polenski, Shi Heng Yi, Zensho W Kopp... All people who are self-proclaimed masters."
"Shi Heng Yi has never studied Shaolin Buddhism, but has a martial arts master title under an American, yet the Otterberg Temple claimed to teach people on official behalf of the Henan Mother Temple, the warning then came quickly, officially Shi Heng Yi has recently made the first pin in the Warrior Monk Duan Pin System, so he is at the level of a novice. Nevertheless, he sells books on Zen Buddhism and the like. (Shaolin is Chan, Japanese Zen) and also meditation courses with dubious people for thousands of euros, which of course has nothing to do with Zen or Shaolin. Then Hinnerk, could never prove his mastery, like many others of the controversial Oi Saidan lineage he was only in the monastery for a few weeks. Zensho W Kopp, claims to have received Zen mastery from a teacher, but as I said, this man is only a teacher and not a master and therefore cannot confer mastery, but has never claimed to do so. It is clear that this can only result in spiritual confusion, but people who have no prior knowledge of religious integrity find it difficult to differentiate. In the end, a spiritual ego is built. But that doesn't mean that the “authentic” path isn't full of stumbling blocks. Who wants to let go of their ego? For some it can actually brighten up life again, but I think it is much more difficult to find an authentic guru these days than the danger on the path itself. For Buddhist practice, at least in Zen, sitting meditation is not necessary.
“I do not wash my hands or shave my head, I do not read sutras or observe precepts, I do not burn incense, I do not do sitting meditation, I do not perform memorial ceremonies for a master or Buddha.”
Chin'g gak Kuksa Hyesim (1178-1234)
How about that? :)"
Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

I have never before in my life lost respect for someone as fast as I did for Astrid. If you can't remember, she's the cook in the first episode who's thrown a bunch of garbage on the floor behind her work station and gets reprimanded by Joe.
At first, I thought that maybe under pressure she was flailing around and things were going flying. Then I noticed what might have been a trash can when the camera zoomed on her throwing something and I thought to myself that maybe she was aiming for the trash can and was missing but in her haste, she didn't stop to pick up whatever missed the bin. I gave her the benefit of the doubt because obviously masterchef is reality TV and they might try to make situations seem more dramatic than it is.
She said she was embarrassed which made me feel bad for her because obviously, no one wants to be yelled at by Joe of all people. But then she says the line that instantly made me lose respect for her and come on here to rant about it.
"I thought they had people that clean."
She has four kids? What exactly is she going to teach them? That you can make a mess because there will be people to clean it? I'm sorry. You don't intentionally give them more work. Cleaners do not want to be doing that job. They're hardworking people who make a living regardless of the work conditions but no one is doing that because it's their passion unless they're a neat freak, and even then I doubt they want to be picking up after others. She's 41. Has she not learned basic respect and common courtesy? That one line will keep me feeling disgusted with her for the rest of the season. I haven't even finished the episode so I have no idea if she gets through to the kitchen, but I hope not and if she does, well, I doubt someone like that would go on to win anyways. Her mentality is absolutely disgusting. She should be embarrassed and not because Joe chewed her up but because she IS an embarassment.
They've sent people home for less early on and I know that purposely creating a mess doesn't effect her cooking but they should have sent her home regardless. They said they were looking at if a person's work station was organized and not all over the place. Well I'd call that all over the place. No one who behaves like that or disrespects food like that, especially in a country where there's so much food insecurity, should be allowed to continue competing. That's just my opinion though.
Anyway, like I said, I haven't finished the episode yet so time to go see what becomes of this gross woman. I hope she's at least teaching her kids better but I doubt it if she's talking like that on national television.

Context: I work in Private limited MNC , parent company in Japan. They claim to follow policys of Human rights and data protection. Case: I work here for like 12 years now I got diagnosed with ADHD last year My Department head is difficult to talk to insensitive,rude and all never give feedback of performance and kept me in silence and self doubt. I didn't complaint about it as 99% of us do let it be and focus on other thing . But my condition did went to normal to worst because of silence about my performance. I was worried about ADHD meds and Therapy bills so I try to find if medical insurance covers for it but it didn't. So I become naive and sent my diagnosis and accomodation request to HR head . HR try to avoid it but as it was on EMAIL he forwarded my diagnosis to my Manager ( I did told him last month about ADHD because I thought he might understand and stop treating me like this) so HR asked for discussion and said that I already told him about diagnosis and let's discuss what can done if I am even fit or not to work. So now the problem started as my manager got email he called me to meeting room and also included his junior (Chamcha) and let him read My diagnosis Email read a loud to sort of shaming on me and what have you done , It will be difficult for you in future and all.
Now to present day I escalated this to Top management under whistle _blower policy and callout my Manager in it on Human rights and Data protection ground. I did face extreme mental stress and my condition got even worst. Apart from they deny my claim and make me to quit are general thinking of everyone.
But what can I do to get justice if they throw me out ?
I know I don't write properly and my ADHD is not madeup and I have history OCD anxiety. Just need some Objective points here. I know fighting for rights is western phenomena and didn't work in India but I also believe if there are rules some do try to follow.
I don't want to read lecture that I am stupid for doing all this . I know this and I am tired of this . Thanks peace to everyone:)

MY COLLAGE FRIEND

hey there let's go for a erotic story

I mean this will be the best story you had ever listened, so first of all my name is Joe
so it all started when I was around 17 I had addicted to porn. i mean i started watching porn everyday and then masturbate, but then due to some self belief and internal feelings I left it as you know I got motivated from YouTube and successfully get rid from masturbation, it was a miracle for me.
afterwards when I turn 18 I got admission into a collage and decided to stay in the hostel after all. there I found that there were separate hostels for girls and boys and hence I had hoped for making a female friend who can talk with me and we both play and study together.
after a year I found that I had got many friends and somewhat female friends too. in there one girl named Lily. she was a attractive girl if I explain her body then she was petite meaning she was skinny and also with blonde hairs and she wears metal silver frame glasses, I mean I was like I love her, I don't know whether I can make her my friend or not but I thought I should give it a try.
after another year passed and I had successfully made her my friend, I know you are curious about how does this happen, talking about how does this happen I had tried to talk with her whenever I got chance and I think that she had also understanded me that I wanted to be her friend and so then she come by herself to make a good friendship, I was happy no happiest I can't explain how I feel, she was so kind and full of good humour
after collage last day I was like a best friend of her in male section as I always talk with her and crack jokes and fun, and she also seem to like it.
so after collage I invited her to be my guest in my house, my parents will definitely love it, by this she had first denied it for she thought that this is a fast decision but after my several requests she finally accept it, I feel a lot good inside.
so we came home my parents were happy to see me as I had come hack home after half year as collage have vacations on every 6 months and I came to spend my time with my parents, I introduces lily and made her to stay with my room.
yes of course I had taken her permission as if she feels uncomfortable in my room she can head to my room and I will sleep in living room. but she said that she is comfortable in there.
then at night she wearied her night dress it was kind of a very short cloth heading to her chest to below of her panties, I feel something but I think that she is my friend and then she and I went for sleep, as we had shifted to my new home my parents had a new double bed and the old double bad had given to me and it was in a good condition, so lily slept besides me.
when we are sleeping she was watching her phone and I acted as I was asleep but when I moved to her direction she took her phone away, I thought she is hiding something from me I pretended to be slept, she still had taken her phone away from my eyes as I think she was making it sure I don't watch her phone, I pretended to be in sleep after around 15 to 20 minutes. lily thought that now I am in a deep sleep she took her phone and I shocked she was watching porn, and as I see her another hand I found that she is trying to masturbate, I think I should have taken her chance and found to be done for it.
next day I wake up early and head to medical store to buy condom and then make it hide into my secret drawer in my room and then I spend my rest of the day enjoying with me parents and my friend lily.
now as we had dinner and watched tv, we finally gone for sleep and it was her last night for my house as she also wanted to go to her parents house to met them and to spend time with them.
then I asked what she was hiding from me, she said nothing interesting, I told her what I had seen, she blushed and said you finally got it huh I am feeling shy don't discuss about it huh
I took out my condom packet and shown to her, she said what are you thinking about it , she was like she wanted to do this with me from very past. I said yes and then I gone to bathroom and watched tutorial for how to wear it as I had never seen a condom I had just known that it avoids pregnancy and safe for mating, I wearied it and first came to lily with my shirt removed already, she said come on it is so fast.
I kissed her again do the same and like doing it for around 2 to 3 minutes, I took my hands and take it into her chest I found out that she had wearied a pink bra, she was like oh what you are going, I rapidly took my hand inside the bra and touched her boob and it was so soft and small and one more thing that I love small boobs girl, she had a small nipple which I just touched and rubbed softly and squeeze her boobs gently, after that I removed her single cloth I found that she had wearied pink bra and panties, I removed her bra while hugging, she was saying stop! stop! also she was smiling it meaning she wanted to do this but this is giving her some nice feeling.
after I came down the bed and make lily sit on a stool and then I set between her legs and then I sided her pink panties to left with my left arm, it was my first time watching pussy in real life, I had just watched it in porn videos, it was a clear white pussy that has no hairs meaning she had shaved pussy and it was very pleasureful , I took out her panties from her legs she had closed her legs so that I could not give a look at it, a opened her legs with my hands and it barely opened , when it opened I quickly get a look it was so nice with a soft vibrant pinkish colour and more beautiful as it is shaved I touched the top of its entrance and then the bottom and touched and rubbed it gently for some time, she again started to close her legs I quickly opened her legs more and just give a kiss to her pussy, she give a sound oh, then I quickly sound that it isn't smelly found that she keep her pussy so cleaned
I quickly touched my tongue on her pussy, she vibrated and then I started to move my tongue and she feel a lot tickled and vibrating more as it was her first time too, I touched her boobs and licked her pussy , her whole pussy was vibrating and she was feeling good
then I make her sleep in bed I slept onto her and kissed her still for a bit , then I moved down and put my face between her boobs and touched them both with my hands and then licked them too, then I again moved down and just kissed her belly it was so slim and good, I again moved below and kissed the upper part of the pussy where her panties lies and moved my lips gently down and finally reached to her pussy, I then started to put my finger into her pussy and she was telling no don't do it in a funny way, I moved it inside slowly I had a smooth entry and after letting my finger in and out from her pussy 2 to 3 times I found her pussy started to produce lubricant meaning she wanted to do it too mentally, I increased my fingering speed , and she was producing sounds like oh, uh,. then I gently licked it and touched all her body parts, then I opened me pants and put my cock into her pussy I had slowed it to much as I don't know whether I or she does feel pain she stopped smiling and when I injected my cock further she started telling that it is burning a bit but it is acceptable she said, as soon as I put my cock in it to get lubricated, and to get it much smoother I put my saliva in there too then it got smooth and she said that she is feeling some strange as something is going inside her and coming out she said that I should put it more further so it get more comfortable, I put my cock further and also fasted the speed, she shouted oh , I tell her to make low noise as her parents would know about this, I change her position and again started putting it again and like this I don't it for half a hour and it was midnight and finally she got satisfied but I do not so I keep it on more, she stopped feeling horny as she got satisfied but I know that I should do same for myself too, she said to stop as she is not liking it any more and she produced more sounds as she started feeling little pain, I do in and out more fast and she started producing high sound too, I covered her mouth with my hand and said her that it will be just more around 2 to 3 minutes, after about 5 minutes I feel satisfied too she was like huh finally and smiled at me and said it was a good experience isn't it
I accepted it and the next day she finally went and also promised to both of us to keep it a secret and it wouldn't happen again and be best friends forever.
that is it for today see you all tomorrow.
bye...

I have been trying to understand Putin's way of thinking but I think there is simply no rational reason to justify his attitude.
In my opinion, Russia should immediately put an end to this terrible war. This attack has already led to significant casualties, both military and civilian. The war has also led to a refugee crisis affecting neighboring countries and beyond not to mention the destruction of homes, schools, hospitals, and critical infrastructure that have left lasting scars on the society.
Ukraine is an independent country and Putin should accept is and deal with it. What is more, neighboring countries might be drawn into the conflict, either directly or through increased tensions and border skirmishes. The conflict has also disrupted trade routes, energy supplies, and overall economic stability in the region.
And think about the blatant violation of Ukraine’s sovereignty and international law, undermining the global order. What is even more worrisome is that the escalation of conflict in a region with nuclear capabilities poses a grave risk of a wider, possibly nuclear, war.
Instead, spreading liberal notions in the territory could emphasize the protection of individual rights and freedoms, ensuring that people could live without the Russian oppression. Equality should be promoted there, reducing discrimination and providing equal opportunities for all.
So what could be the solution in this present situation? I think the nations should resolve this conflict through dialogue and legal mechanisms rather than violence.
It needs more international cooperation and the formation of institutions that help manage global issues collaboratively.

Hi, I wasn't sure where to post this, so please let me know if there's a better sub for this, but I wanted to ask for multiple different opinions on this because I've been so confused about it. I might still be in denial? Hold on tight, this one is a doozy. And I'll probably delete it after a couple days or so.
So I was in an online relationship with this man for a couple years until we met in person in 2016, then married in 2019. I'm counting all 7 years as the whole relationship, but we were only married for 1. Some background information about him is he was abused as a kid. By his dad physically, and by his neighbor (SA). Now he was also in an accident involving a semitruck, which ruptured a couple disks in his back I believe? And this is why he told me he smoked marijuana. For his back, for medical reasons. I was ok with that. It was whatever. None of this seemed to truly bother him, so he seemed pretty easy going.
Fast forward to the marriage. (For informational purposes related to the story, I'm christian and don't believe in living with a man before marriage so I was unaware of a lot.) About 3 months in, he stops doing the marijuana and things go downhill fast. He only stopped because he knew I never really liked him smoking, but again, I was fine with it because his was for medical reasons. I told him this. He didn't want to smoke it again. Okay.
He starts taking up drinking instead to dowse the pain (he never went to the doctor for it and refused), but then some other issues started rising. He told me he wasn't drinking much, but I'd find empty bottles of alcohol stuffed into the couch, under the bed, behind the dresser, etc. It just didn't add up to the amount of times I saw him drinking. I told him we couldn't afford his alcohol, he kept buying it anyway.
Another point: I was the only one working and paying bills majority of the time. He couldn't hold a job and stayed home doing nothing I guess. No cleaning, no anything. I didn't know it was going to be like this before we got married. He seemed like he knew his priorities with saving money and getting bills paid and keeping things organized. That's what he told me anyway. But everything was always a mess when I got home and I was the only one making sure anything got paid.
Anyways, he also said he started seeing this... demon figure? Or something. In our apartment. It bothered him and freaked him out. I never saw it, but he'd sometimes see it in the closet or going from room to room or in the corner, and he even told me its name was Seth. One time we were arguing and he yelled out BEHIND me to "SHUT UP." And... to clarify... he made sure I knew he wasn't talking to me, but the thing behind me. There was no thing behind me. It was just us. So that periodically was happening through this entire ordeal.
Now when he started drinking, he started having these "episodes." They happened maybe once a week, once every other week? He seemed to get really frustrated about his past or something related to it, and he'd get so angry. So angry that he'd start punching things like the wall. And during these episodes he seemed like a completely different person. I NEVER saw anything close to this side of him before marrying him. Nobody warned me of this. None of his family. I didn't know what was going on. I'm not even sure if his family knows??? He just went on a rampage. I just tried my best to console him quietly for the longest time until he seemed somewhat normal again. Then he was ok in the morning again. These episodes only seemed to happen at night. Over the course of the next few months, these episodes only got more frequent to the point where they were happening pretty much every night (I think the alcohol just helps trigger it along) and more aggressive. I stayed around each time to try and calm him down, but it never really worked. So I just ended up losing sleep over it in the long run.
I mentioned several times that we/he should see a therapist or counseling or something, but he refused. He told me he was fine and that all he needed was me. He didn't believe in therapy... which sucked for me because he needed it majorly.
During these months while he was jobless, he'd find some way to fracture his fingers, whether it be punching a wall, or just... hitting something? Idk. I legit can't count how many times he had to put his fingers in splints. Idk if he was accident prone, or if he REALLY wanted to get out of finding a job, liked being the victim and getting me to feel sorry for him (which I did a LOT), or all of the above. He needed babying a lot, let me just say. When I said he needed a job to help me with the bills, he wanted me to come with him to this temp ageny place I went to to get a job, so I agreed. But every time I came home from work and asked to go, he said "tomorrow," or "next week." Always coming up with excuses of not feeling good or he fractured another finger, or something. Idk.
(Warning, sexual topic here) Another thing was happening during these months as well. During my sleep, he'd finger me in my sleep (and then proceed to try to put himself in me). At like 1am, when I had to get up at 4:30am to go to work and needed sleep (keep in mind, all his nightly episodes were ALSO happening still, so 1am is probably not too long after I ACTUALLY went to sleep. He kept me up a lot). I told him no several times but he wouldn't stop. This happened multiple times. I was exhausted. His excuse? "You were wet." Yes, because my body naturally reacted to stimulation. It took maybe 5-10 minutes or so until he gave up.
(More sexual topic) Whenever we DID have sex was fine. But obviously there were times where he wanted it and I didn't, and when I did and he didn't. The issue came when he wanted it and I didn't. If I said no, I had to say no several times. And eventually he'd stop. Everything. Stop cuddling, stop talking, stop everything, turn his back to me and just... lay there silently. The cold shoulder. Idk what else to call this but it seriously hurt. I didn't treat him that way. If he didn't want to, I'd accept it and stay cuddling. Over time this really messed with my thinking on whether or not he really loved me or just wanted to use me as a live in sex doll.
I made all the excuses in the book for his actions. His past abuse for one. I guess I felt like he needed me? Or I couldn't leave him? Idk.
There was one night where I stayed up for 5 hours straight, from 10pm to 3am, trying to stop him from punching holes in the walls. I stayed up trying to help him so often, it wore me out to the point where sex was off the table completely for aboouutt the last 4 months of our marriage I believe. I was drained mentally and physically. Frankly I was losing my emotional attachment to him. Then he started claiming I was cheating, because I didn't want sex with him, so I had to be "getting it from somewhere." Lol I went to work and came home. What cheating?
Also, suicidal thoughts. He had those too. He'd say things like "I don't deserve you. I'm better off not here. You deserve so much more. I'm a failure." frequently. I reassured him every time. Eventually I got tired of this too.
Towards the end I was speaking seriously with him. I bluntly told him things would need to change and he'd need a therapist or I'd be divorcing him. And I wouldn't throw that word around if I didn't mean it. I was on my last straw because I couldn't help him and he was dragging me down into depression avenue too and making me lose tons of sleep on top of everything. He didn't take my words seriously.
The last night that made me leave was the worst. Now, it started off with me going to bed because I had work in the morning. He wanted sex again. Surprise surprise. I said no, I need to sleep. He went quiet for a minute. My anxiety went up because I felt like something was going to happen, and sure enough....... he suddenly pops off the bed and says he can destroy his Pokémon cards to prove his love. What kind of insanity is that?
Firstly, this is the 3rd time he'd attempt to destroy his cards. Secondly, I knew how much they meant to him so I stopped him from doing that both times before. Thirdly, haha these were original Pocket Monster backed cards. Yay. Fourth... I didn't give a crap anymore and let him destroy them. He took them out of the closet and to the bathtub. He just submerged them all in water. I finally got out of bed and went "here we go again..." and went to go watch him so he wouldn't hurt himself. Idk. I couldn't stop him. I was dead tired.
After he successfully ruined all the cards, it's like a switch flipped and he was suddenly yelling "what did I do?!?!" Over and over again. He was in the tub with the cards and was throwing the cards up in the air. He was angry with himself.
This was around 12am. He decides to throw the cards in a trash bag and take them out to the dump at the front of the complex... now. Like he couldn't wait. (I also want to mention I hated when he stayed up later than I did because he always forgot to lock the doors even if I reminded him, so I always felt like I had to stay up. I woke up one morning with our porch door just... open. Not even closed. I couldn't trust it after that.) He also mentioned offing himself again, and then stuffed one of our glocks in his pocket while taking the bag (yes, stupid to have guns in this situation, I know). He claimed it was for protection while he went to the trash. While I believed that, I wasn't going to chance anything, so I managed to get the gun from his pocket and unload it. Then I quickly stashed it next to mine on my side of the bed.
Obviously he wanted to get it back, so I was wrestling him the whole way. Managed to keep him from it, so he got angry and punched the wall behind me, causing his knuckles to bleed. (This triggered me because by this point, I already cleaned up his blood numerous times before. Walls and my shirt because he flung his hand and it sprayed both) So I start crying and asking to take him to the bathroom to clean him up so I don't have to clean up anything else. I was tired, I wanted to go to bed and sleep so I could just get up for work. He refused, but I managed to push him there. Where... he proceeded to fling his hand and the blood splattered across the bathroom wall instead. sigh
This is when we hear a knock at the door and "POLICE." The neighbors called in domestic violence on us because we were so loud. I never had any run ins with police, so I got scared to open the door, but he opened it. I stood beside him. I had blood on my shirt from him pushing me aside and he had blood on him obviously. It didn't look good.
The police asked if they could come in and it was like another switch flipped in my ex's head (because he never acted like this around anybody else but me) so he started acting almost normal again instead of whatever his hysteria was. He told them it was completely fine and they didn't have to come in. But in that moment, my ex scared me so bad by that one flip of his personality that I told the police to come in. I was just glad to be able to speak to someone sane.
When they questioned us, they quickly realized I was the only one capable of answering their questions coherently and spoke with us separately. Eventually it ended with them waiting for me to gather my things and walking me out to my car so I could drive to my parent's house. Meanwhile my ex legit told the police "it's your fault we're separating." And I just told him that it wasn't, and walked out.
He later claims the police had to hold him back from going after me but I never saw this and don't know how true it is after his lies. He lied about his bills to me over the phone when we were still online dating. He also held back information about "almost sleeping with a random woman" when we were online dating. They "got naked" and "didn't do anything" and claims he didn't know we were dating at the time, but still felt guilty about it and told me about it after we got married?? Idk. And I still forgave him on the spot. Maybe that stuff doesn't matter so much, but still. Yes, I got tested. Clear.
I never went back. I was too scared. I still don't know what to make of it to this day because a lot of things were nonsense (a lot of craziness still left out, but this was the main stuff). I realize his past may play a major part of this, but I still feel messed up from it. (Yes I probably need to go to a therapist myself, but I've also doing forms of positive self therapy exercises as well for the time being until I can actually go. I'm MUCH happier now, don't worry.)
What are your opinions on this, if you actually made it this far? I'm just struggling to call it abuse maybe because he was abused himself? Or was this even abuse? What are your outside perspectives on it?
Tl;dr: Abused ex husband becomes enraged at night, punching holes in walls, causing me to lose sleep and sanity.

I am Indian. I am grateful to have comparatively much more accessible healthcare facility here in India.
We all know the absolute insanity that is the American Healthcare system. It makes no sense that one of the most developed nations has such broken healthcare.
Since there is no way to fix this in a quick and easy way, I feel like Americans can simply avail medical treatment from outside.
I feel like Americans should start considering foreign healthcare. For major issues and procedures that cost a lot, even if you travel to say India and avail medical facilities from here it probably wont even cost you 10% of what you spend in the US. Even for minor issues you could consult doctors online.
The doctors sitting at one of the most premium private hospitals in India with 20-30+ years of experience charge 2000-3000 rupees for a consultation, which is around $30-40.... You can get doctors for way lesser, not to mention even for free for consultation at government hospitals. You can consult them online without much hassle. No one should pay $200-300 dollars for consultation for just a fever, which in some cases might be ignored but could actually be a precursor to a much more serious underlying issue.
I have seen countless reels of couples sharing the cost of having a baby and it's insane. Even if most of the cost gets covered by insurance, what you end up actually paying is still quite a lot. In India you could have a baby in a hospital for almost no money. Even if you choose private hospitals, it won't cost you more than $1000.
Now before someone starts stereotyping let me tell you that medical facilities in India are one of the best in the world and people from around the world travel here to get treatments and complex procedures.
This is not an option you could choose at an emergency but for long term treatments this may as well be a viable option for our American folks.

[21 F] 5’4” 145 lbs I’m not sure if I have any relevant diagnoses but I’ll list everything I’ve ever been told by a doc I have. I’m very literal and I want to follow the first rule as well as I can. Mental: adhd (revoked), cptsd with dissociation, depression, ppd, and was in process of being diagnosed with BPD, experienced psychosis Physical: bursitis on hips, bone deterioration in hips, TMJ (orthodontist, dentist, OMT Specialist all said my jaw was permanently dislocated and would need surgery or something), hypothyroidism, chronic tonsillitis, chronic bladder infections as child, and at one point minor back spasms.
I was in a RZR accident as a teen where we flipped uphill. No medical attention provided as I didn’t have health insurance and my parents wouldn’t take me. Then in a car accident at 18 with no medical attention. Finally another car accident where I was rear ended on the highway and did seek medical attention. X-ray is what led the DR to tell me I did have minor bone deterioration. My brother would also hold me in an arm lock on both arms until my shoulder would pop and be painful to move after constantly when I was a kid. Not sure if that would cause spasms in my arms.
suspected POTS (multiple fainting spells as a kid, once hit my head and went unconscious but was screaming/shaking; now I can recognize when I’m about to go down)
I am a cannabis smoker but I’m getting sober for work. I have used LSD, molly, xtc, mdma, ketamine, Xanax, nicotine, shrooms, and alcohol and other pills. Nothing was ever long term use, mostly just once or twice. I do believe I overdosed on xtc.
I don’t currently take medications.
Anyways, I’m having this consistent problem as mentioned in the title. My entire body spasms and twitches and moved uncontrollably throughout the entire day. Sometimes it’s worse and other times I forget about it.
I can have eye muscle spasms and I constantly have little muscle spasms throughout my legs, back, arms and sometimes feet. Never painful just tiny little areas and you can see it happen. My legs jerk around usually inwards towards the other leg, or my toes will randomly clench for a split second, my leg will lift up from the knee or I will suddenly bring my foot inwards to my butt. My arms/hand will jerk outwards or my fingers will twitch/curl in. Or my hip or shoulders will just like jerk quickly on its own. My head will also jerk in different directions. Again all of this happens within seconds and is painless. On bad days it just happens consistently and I usually ignore this. Sometimes though I get much stronger and more painful symptoms. I will experience acute burning/itching in my legs that hurt for a fraction of time that cause my legs to shake/jerk/tremospasm (not sure how to best describe it) involuntarily. Sometimes it happens only once or twice but has lasted minutes. The closest thing I can compare to the feeling is the zap I got during my epidural.
I’m not sure if it’s something everyone experienced or if I should get it checked out. Any advice, ideas, etc is very welcome. I am starting a partially physical laborer job and want to make sure this isn’t something that could possibly put my in danger hauling the product or when I’m running the machinery.

My problems are legitimate in my opinion, but probably not others'. By that, I mean that the problems exist, and that they have a serious negative impact on my life, and that they've done so for over two decades now. But on the surface they seem stupid or trivial or easily fixable. Other people have been dealt much worse hands than I have.
I can't and don't want to go into full detail here, because it'd be long and inappropriate. However theoretically I'd be happy to share the full detail with anyone who might happen to be interested. But I can't just pour it all out in this thread.
I'm 34, and have had serious mental health issues since I was 8ish. Throughout all my teen years and most of my twenties, I was aware of these issues and was always trying to "fix" them, despite not truly understanding them. I think I've made progress over the past few years. I forced myself into cognitive behavioral therapy, by going to Uni late at 27, at the other side of the country. Big shock to the system for me. Was entirely outside of my comfort zone, yet a huge help to me. There are various reasons for why I've changed and improved as a person, but a relevant one is recreational drugs.
Ok I'll cut the shit and get to why I made this post. I really like cocaine and am very open and chatty on it, like most tend to be. I feel like since I became a regular user, my sober self has declined in openness and chattiness. I think this is common too. Anyway, I need someone to speak to. I'm always in my head. I'm obsessive, always thinking about every little detail. I need a sounding board for my thoughts. I have no one in my life who can be this. I have family members I live with or near to, whom I used to be very close with, but can no longer speak to, for crazy reasons. I can't speak to my friends about this, as I don't have many left, our relationships mostly exist via WhatsApp, and I can't burden them with all my shit.
So, while high, I booked an NHS appointment with a therapist. While high, I was very open and willing to talk about anything. A therapist seemed like a great idea. But obviously, when the appointment came around, I was sober, and unable to talk. I cancelled the appointment on the phone, at the start of the conversation. I assured her that I was fine, and no longer needed to talk. I work a 9-5 Mon-Fri. I've been banned from drinking while at my house, for no good reason (genuinely). This is relevant because I need the drink to take away the anxiety of the coke. I'm fully aware that this is bad shit for my health. But one problem at a time. Anyway, I'm trapped. I need to find a way to schedule in a therapy appointment outside of work hours, where I'm free to self-medicate with alcohol and coke. I really wish alcohol had no scent.
I'm sure this post makes me look like an idiot, but I can justify everything. I'm not saying I don't do anything wrong; but I am saying that I have honest and good intentions, and that the things I do that are wrong, are to fix an even worse wrong. I'm happy to go into more detail. I'm not sure what I even expect in terms of responses.
I'm from England, and thank you for reading!

Burner account cause he knows about my normal one, and I don't want to hurt him more. Also, long post incoming with some potentially triggering topics, but its all relevent information to set up my situation
My husband (34M) and I(34F) loved each other from the bottom of our hearts, but its not like that anymore. 5 years ago, things changed between us and now everything is so differemt.
He came from an abusive household, and also has a pair of mental health disorders. His parents died in his teens, and that is when his Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder flared for the first time ever. Since then, he has been battling his own mind, and not always succesfully (He has scars up and down his arms, which is why he only wears long sleeved clothes now). When we got together, things where initially rough between us, but it got much better and it quickly bloomed into a relationship, which culminated in marrying one another. Even thouhh he was medicated, had a stable job and income, and a house of his own, his trauma used to come back and his meds where sometimes not enough. But even still, life was good for us. We traveled together to whereever we wantes. We had a great sex life (He was a Dom and I a Sub). We had anything we could ever want. And our future was set due to some savvy and lucky investments.
This culminated about 5 years ago, when I became pregnant. I will admit, I did not handle it with grace because I was not certain that I wantes to have children, nor did I want to bring a child into this world who cpuld pote tially inherit my Depression and Anxiety, and his Bipolar and Schizophrenia. I ended up running away back to my parents home, without telling him, and was there for weeks, during which I miscarried, which sadly I feel grateful for. I feel terrible about being happy about this, even to this day, but at the time it was a relief. My husband however basically went off the deep end. He didn't eat for 12 days, didnt drink wster for 12 days, didn't take his meds for 12 days, didn't sleep for 12 days, and the worst of his cutting happened during these 12 days. After that, he was incarcerated at a mental hospital after an altercation with the police, until I finally gathered the courage to return home and found him missing (the police ended up putting the pieces together and telling me where he was).
When I saw him, I was shocked. He was quite literally skin and bones. His eyes where still sunken in from a lack of sleep. And I will never forget the fresh scars on his arms. According to both himself, he thought that I had left him, he went off his meds, and the voices told him that the only way to "win me back" was to prove that he was good enough to go without the crutches. I have never, ever felt so guilty in my life, because I shouldn't have bolted like that, and I shouldn't have kept him in the dark about it. Maybe of I had been better then, things would be different, but alas here we are.
The man I knew is now gone. He was kind, fun-loving, gentle, great in bad, and more importantly he wanted to have a real relationshio and be better then his parents. Now, he doesn't do anything for himself. Literally the week after he came hoeme, he went WFH full time. While I am at work, he is at home all the time. The dishes are always done. Food is always on the table. The garden never has any weeds. The floors are always dusted. All of these things we used to do together, and we enjoyed doing it together. Now when I get home at the end of the day, there is nothing to do with him. Even in bed, things have changed. I mentioned how he used to be a Dom, and me a Sub, well thats completely inverted now. I have to tell him what to do, and even then all he does is pleasure me, but when I try to reciprocate it, he doesn't respond and it always ends with him getting me off and thats it. He doesn't express any emotion for himself. Its always for me
Its not just this stuff between us either. Its like he is not even living his life anymore. He used to be great friends with his coworkers and other from the nieghborhood and go out once or twice a week. Now he doesn't even talk to them or anyone else outside of work or the 1 minute of small talk whikst getting the mail. His favorite band of all time was having an anniversary tour, and he got tickets months in advance. When the time came around, I had a business trip to go on, and he insisted on not only taking a day off work to drop me off at the airport, but he also skipped the concert to pick me up. Mind you, this band was what got him through his rough childhood, and this man has posters plastered over the walls, and listens to them non-stop. And he skipped their concert to pick me up from the fucking airport. I did not even ask him to do it, I was originally going to take an Uber to and from, and I told him to go to the concert. Lo and behold, there he was waiting at the airport for me.
I have tried to talk with him about all of this, so many times, and his usual response is something like, "If you are happy, then I am happy" even though I know thats not true. The man waits on me hand and foot, does everything to make me happy, and I can tell that he is the inverse of happy. I don't/can't complain about what he is doing, because I am the cause of this and because he does everything for me, to try and make me happy.
Its like...he isn't living life actively anymore. Everything is just a routine for him. Only once has the facade ever broken, and it was when I found him curled up on our bed, in the middle of the day, sobbing his eyes put. He just kept telling me not to leave him, over and over again, for hours, which is how I know this is my fault.
I really have no idea what to do anymore. I have resorted to doing things I know he liked to do, just so that he can live some part of his life. I love this man, but he is a husk of his former self, and I miss him so much. I would do anything to get him back, but I just don't know what to do.
We have tried therapy together for a year now, and individually he has been in therapy for a very log time. Nothing seems to be working. If I have to throw myself off a bridge so that he can forget about me and live normally, I would do it at this point. I normally would not come onto the internet for advice from strangers, but I have no idea what to do, and I desperatly need suggestions/ideas on how to fix things between us.

Hello, guys how are you I hope you all are fine and preparing for your exam with very hard work. If students are looking for a NEET and JEE preparation physics book, Errorless Physics PDF, then they come to the right place. In today’s article, we will give you a link to download the Errorless Physics 2025 pdf free download book totally free of cost. This book is very famous and very important from the NEET’s point of view. So to ensure your selection with a good rank in the NEET medical exam please solve this book as soon as possible.
In this study material type article, always try to give your best study material to make your preparation at a different level in different examinations. There number of books are present in the market for the preparation of medical exams but Errorless Physics book or Universal Errorless Physics is awesome and there is no comparison of this book with the other books. This book provides you the questions and solutions in a very understandable manner. So to download, read the whole article to the end and you will find the link in the article anywhere.
Download Errorless Physics PDF

What will you get inside the errorless physics PDF?

In the errorless Physics PDF, you will get different types of questions as well as the theory. This theory is very concise and plays a very crucial role in the selection of any participant. Because the three given in this book are very easy to understand and make your doubt clear in a very easy way. After the theory portion, you can go for the multiple-choice questions. Because this type of question is the absolute pattern of the competitive exams. The questions asked in the MCQs form. So we request the student to solve the MCQ questions as much as possible from the Errorless Physics PDF book.

Errorless Physics Updated New Edition 2025

You can check the price of Errorless Physics (Bhavniki in Hindi) for NEET / IIT-JEE (Main & Advanced) as per UBD1960 (Original Errorless Self Scorer USS Book with Trademark Certificate) by NTA/JAB (Paperback+ Smart eBook) Revised Updated New Edition 2025 (2 Volumes). The price of this product is 1389 but the lowest price is 900. If you want to buy Errorless Physics Books, then its average and highest price is 1329 and 1560 respectively. According to which you can buy it online and offline.

Errorless Physics PDF 2025 (NEET/JEE)

Universal Errorless Physics Books is a leading publishing house, which specializes in competitive exam books in India for medical And Engineering exams. Errorless Physics books are written and recommended by top professionals and toppers. It is available in English and Hindi medium. It is an excellent book for the aspiring students preparing for medical. Errorless books is based on the syllabus and exam pattern prescribed by the National Testing Agency (NTA). This book contains a comprehensive set of questions and answers based on NEET/JEE as well as other medical exams. Errorless Physics PDF is very helpful and sufficient for the candidates preparing for medical And Engineering.

Physics Chapter Given in the Errorless Book

There is a total of 32 chapters according to the NCERT of both classes 12th and 11th. These 32 chapters are given in the errorless book. So you don’t need to hesitate or be doubtful with the errorless book. This Errorless Physics PDF would be your last and ultimate solution in Physics to give you a high score in your NEET and JEE preparation. These total 32 chapters are given below- Read More...

I haven’t worked for two years now, and the job I had before this I walked out of mid-shift because I just couldn’t handle it, and the one before that I got too depressed to show up.
But now I’m medicated like a good lad and shit, feeling mostly stable (turns out stopping my medication and spiralling into paranoiac, manic, freak behaviour is not good for my mental health) but now I’m getting ready to go to a trial shift/interview and I’m feeling pretty okay.
Just wanted to share cause it’s hard to explain to people why this thing that everyone’s doing feels like such big shit to me.

I’m a 24yr old female, I have a variety of diagnosed mental health issues ranging from borderline personality to pre menstrual dysphoric disorder among others. I take medications for them like lamictal, abilify, and Wellbutrin. I’ve been experiencing some skin problems for the past 2 years now ( I know it’s been awhile) I’ve had no health insurance or extra money and just haven’t cared enough about myself to get this looked at but now I’m wondering if it’s psoriasis. There are two problem areas the first one is my back which has a big dark dry spot that is very itchy and bleeds when I itch it. The next spots are red spots with flaky outer bits and they generally pop up on my thigh and butt area.

I've been in an extremely rough spot lately, and want to leave my 2 kids and husband. Now before you judge I do have, in my eyes, good reasoning. I would rather leave my kids and let them know when they want to either via letter or face to face.. reasoning would be that I could not take care of them properly, I would do more harm being there than leaving. I do know myself after all... although its so hard to believe someone could be so cruel to their own kids..I fear I lack control in my emotions. After being on medication for years I still lose my cool. I'm a whole different person when I'm over stimulated and things keep going wrong.. After having 2 under 2... already my fault I know.. I have just been spiraling mentally. I don't think I would ever hurt my kids but I can definitely understand why people do hurt themselves or their kids. IM NOT SAYING ITS RIGHT BY ANY MEAN. I'm starting to yell at my babies, 2 under 2 (one is hardly half of a year old while the other is just under 2) I know this is my fault because I know what happens due to my actions. But this is so much mentally for me, my husband helps as much as he can but due to late nights and between sleep its really just me. But I'm also constantly on the go and lack sleep. I'm puking, losing weight rapidly 40 lbs in 3 months, and am not the nicest person to my kids when I'm overstimulated. In fact if I don't straighten up my kids will start to remember me as someone who would yell often or even abused them (different for everyone yanno). I feel like I constantly am unintentionally trying to pick a fight with my husband every day.. It's like its an unintentional cry for some adult conversation. All I hear everyday is crying and screaming more than laughter. We dont have transportation for the kids and I to get out to see other people and we just moved across country away from all our friends and family. As a kid I had parents who fought often, due to ones mental health being so bad.. More than 90% of my memories are yelling or just not being the parent I knew they could be.. I would much rather them parent from a distance until they had gotten better to parent us.. If at all.. as a kid I dont believe I would have understood but as an adult I would have thanked them more than doing what they had.. I just dont want that for my kids. I dont want to be a villain in their story. I know this wont last forever but I need a break to get better.. I dont know who to turn to.. Family cant just drop everything to help us nor can they home me/my kids & I. Husband cant stop working due to bills and needing to home 2 kids.. But if I continue to stay and not get sleep and continuously hear children day in and out I fear what I might do when I snap..
Now that I think of it... is this a cry for help? Who can lead me in the right direction or have multiple directions if A-Z doesn't work

i started seroquel (25mg) 4 days ago that i take before bed, as well as completely coming off venlafaxine/effexor (37.5mg). i know these 2 changes are a lot for my body at the moment, and it will take 2-4 weeks for the side effects to subside.
one of the main side effects ive been experiencing since, is the constant brain fog/feeling spaced out during the day. im finding this is causing my dexamphetamine (ADHD meds) to not be as effective, and im finding myself taking more than the maximum dosage (ik its bad, but i need the medication to work as im a fulltime uni student). even though i've been exceeding the max dose, im still struggling to focus and my mental clarity is so mushy (thats the only way to describe it). i know this is a common side effect with seroquel -- im not sure if its the same for venlafaxine/effexor withdraws (perhaps the combination of both?).
even if the brain fog/spaced out eventually goes away, im worried my dexamphetamine will forever be less effective. i know ADHD meds work by increasing mostly dopamine and serotonin, whereas seroquel basically does the opposite and balances them out. has anyone had any success with taking both? will the ADHD meds go back to being just as effective once my body has adjusted to the changes?
thank you!

I was active duty in the Marines as an Infantryman and joined the Army National Guard after. From my active time in the Marines I got out with an honorable discharge and received a 90% rating from the VA. I’ve been in the guard now for a few years but my mental health has declined. In the last year I felt myself lose all motivation for the guard. As a matter of fact I hate it. I get anxious just thinking of going to drill. I’ve gone awol, talked back to command staff and told them to kick me out even purposely came to drill with a beard. I don’t know why my mindset towards the army. I don’t recognize myself. I don’t know what changed but I’m a cunt-hair away from getting an Other than honorable discharge. At this point I don’t care anymore. I’ve talked to my command about it but It hasn’t changed much. If I get an other than honorable discharge from the guard will that affect my benefits earned from the Marines? Please help

Burner for privacy. I have anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, and depression. I’ve been on meds for over 20 years, usually SSRIs.
Every five to ten years the meds stop working and I have to work with a psychiatrist to find a new solution – but we’re always able find something that works.
A few years ago, I needed the reboot on my meds and, for the first time ever, a benzo was added to my daily SSRI. We went through a few before we landed on one that didn’t have any sedating effects on me – I ended up with a daily SSRI combined with 1mg of clonazepam 2x daily, and that’s what I’ve been on for years.
I don’t drink (ever, not even an occasional beer or cocktail) and other than occasional weed (very occasional – unless I’m in a really good place mentally, I just end up having a panic attack) I’ve never done a “drug” in my life. (I’m not judging anyone who has used benzos – or any other drug – recreationally; I’m only sharing because it provides context for my specific situation.)
My use of clonazepam is purely therapeutic and even in the beginning, I never felt anything that seemed like “hey, I get why people use this recreationally!” There was no “high” for me – just slowly my panic attacks and other symptoms started to subside, similar to the gradual improvement that an SSRI provides.
At this point, I know that it’s unlikely that the clonazepam is even doing anything for me – I know tolerance builds up quickly and my dose has never increased, so this is probably just a maintenance dose that I’m taking.
I recently moved and along with that move came a new psychiatrist. The new psychiatrist wants me off of the clonazepam, primarily because of the increased risk of early onset dementia (which I also looked into and it seems like the research isn’t conclusive and this might be a correlation doesn’t equal causation thing).
Despite that, I’m not opposed to removing clonazepam from my medication, especially since I know that it’s probably not even doing anything at this point, considering tolerance etc…
My psychiatrist wants to move me from clonazepam to diazepam (Valium) and begin a low and slow taper of at least nine months. I was looking into this and it sounds like his plan is to use the Ashton Manual, although he never said as much.
I’m diligent with my meds – I have a pill box I fill up weekly and I rarely miss a dose, but on the off chance that I do miss a dose, I’ve never had a “craving” for clonazepam or a feeling of mental addiction – I usually notice a missed dose only after more than 48 hours has passed and it’s usually a headache that acts as my reminder. But, again, there’s no desire – it’s just like “what the hell is with this headache?… oh, crap, I forgot to take my meds the last couple of days.”
I know, logically, that my body is physically addicted to the meds but from an emotional standpoint, if someone said “I’m throwing the clonazepam away and you can never have it again!” my reaction would mostly be… 🤷‍♂️
…until I started looking into what the discontinuation process would be like!
At first, my primary concern was moving to diazepam because I didn’t want to feel groggy or sedated.
Now that I made the mistake of Googling this, I’m terrified that I’m going to have hallucinations, experience horrible body pains, go into a deep depression, have constant panic attacks, and maybe even have grand mal seizures – and that it could last for years even after the taper is done and the last pill has been taken?! WTF?!?!
Most of the info I’ve been able to find is from people who were using benzodiazepines recreationally (and at potentially far higher doses than me) and went cold turkey or did a fast (like one month) taper in rehab.
My dose (1mg 2x daily) isn’t “low” but it’s an average therapeutic dose. My taper is going to be long – at least nine months.
Is there anyone here that can speak to a very long, very slow, very gradual, medically-supervised taper and discontinuation? Is it possible to do this safely and with minimal side effects? (If it makes a difference, I’m more concerned about mental side effects than physical.)
If you have a success story or a good story, I’d love to hear it – especially if you’re comfortable providing details like what benzo it was, how many years you were on it, what dose you were on, and what your taper schedule was like.
If you have a horror story, no need to share – the internet is already full of those! I’m looking for some reassurance, not more panic attack fuel.
Thank you!
Gender: Male Age: 45 Weight: 275lbs Additional Meds: Escitalopram, Bupropion, Omeprazole, Valacyclovir Additional Medical Issues: Sleep apnea Additional Info: Non-Smoker, No Drinking, No Recreational Drug Use (with the exception of very infrequent marijuana)

It’s super late where I live but boyyyy I’m just so mf upset, I need to get this off my chest. I have never felt pretty. Never in my life. All my girlfriends can get any guy they want and are constantly approached by them. But not me. Just yesterday I went out with one of my gilrfriends for a girl’s night. She had multiple guys glued to her all night while I played chaperone to make sure she was safe. I tried to have fun and I danced by myself and vibed with my drink but I won’t lie, it absolutely hurt my confidence. I stupidly have a crush and I’m 30000% certain it is not reciprocated. But that’s fine and I’m not surprised.
I’ve never had a crush be reciprocated. I’ve never looked good in a candid photo and even posed ones I will take a million and look at one I sorta like until I hate it. I feel absolutely horrific about myself and it thinking about it too much makes me feel like all the air in the room is gone. My last boyfriend constantly made fun of me and my weight and never complimented me even when I tried really hard to make myself look good. I’ll admit he did a number to my mental health and self esteem for 2 years but I feel horrible even after leaving him.
I eat healthy, go to the gym, take care of my skin, hair, and nails, and keep myself active with hobbies but it never helps. I am working with some doctors on specific medical issues I have that make it much harder for me to lose weight compared to others. I’m not 200 lbs or anything crazy but I am short so I look stocky-ish. My nose is too big for my face and I have a weak jawline with no definition, even when I was under 115lbs.
I feel like I’m absolutely losing my mind over my appearance. It consumes my thoughts constantly. If I could get filler and plastic surgery, I would. My siblings are gorgeous but I definitely got the shit end of the stick. I am so deep in this cycle of self hatred that I’ve started skipping meals. Food scares me now. I weigh myself multiple times a day. I have made myself throw up to speed up the weight loss process and think about it every time I eat. Because to me, maybe being skinny would give me SOME points and make me feel better somehow. It is so pathetic and attention seeking but I can’t help it anymore.
My friend posted a picture of me and my pet in our group chat with friends after a hangout. I am barely in the picture, just from my mouth/chin and down but I burst into tears over my friend sharing it when I was alone. I don’t believe anyone who tells me I’m beautiful because I know they’ve just become accustomed to my looks because of my personality and being funny.
I know personality is important but I want to also be desired. I want to be wanted. I want to like who I am and what I look like so badly. I have no idea how to truly love myself and that’s the scariest and loneliest feeling in the planet. It is so pathetic and humiliating to be a grown woman and feel this way. I honestly wouldn’t mind wasting away into nothingness. I’m not fishing for compliments here and I’m sure this won’t get seen anyways cause it’s so mf long. I hope ranting at least makes me feel somewhat better. We’ll see.

I’m overthinking this again. Perhaps my mental state is way too erratic, but now I suddenly am thinking I’ve been too inaccurate beforehand, so now I think my typing may be wrong (again). It’s not easy to be as truthful as I can. Honestly, my view of myself is very strange. I have always been very unsure. So I wonder if I’ll get the same or a possible different answer. I apologize if I wrote way too much here or got off topic to the question.
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I’m a minor (15), so perhaps accuracy could be affected by that. I’m a female. I think I’m very quiet and blend into the surroundings most of the time (and it’s not easy for me to be otherwise if I, for some reason, ever attempt to be that way). I either talk way too much, or talk too little. This is because if I don’t talk that means I really don’t know what to say, and when I end up wanting to say something it’s a lot of built up things. Also I think I end up adding random things to what I say for some reason. When I’m having a conversation, I usually spend most of the time while they’re talking thinking of how to properly respond, because I DO have an idea for what I want to say, I just don’t know how to formulate or back it up properly that quickly. For this reason, I realize I might miss out most of the details they’re saying, so I try to do both now. This is why I find texting much easier. From what I hear from others, perhaps I’m a little too reserved that it could be seen as rude. However, I myself think I talk just well enough. I’m actually somewhat hyper and energetic most of the time, but not verbally. This is because I think it would be too exhausting to express that in such ways. I think a lot about what some things mean. I’m unfortunately very quick to anger, especially if I believe someone is being way too idiotic or if I’m told I’m incorrect in how I think. Perhaps this may be normal to get annoyed about? But I know I get very irrationally angry about these. I don’t think anybody in real life would notice I have anger issues unless we’re close. I’m very neurotic. Actually, I’m going to mention that generalizing myself is difficult simply because it’s strangely difficult for myself to describe or identify my own traits. Also, it’s a bit difficult to not start explaining too much and focusing on small things (but I think I already did that).
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
No diagnosis.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
Religious influence? Perhaps not strongly, although my family is Christian, they are not very strict on it nor have they forced it upon me. Actually, it was very interesting and I did believe in it at first, but due to my curiosity I think I ended up asking so many questions that eventually it somehow led me to stop believing in any sort of theistic way.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I don’t have any, but I want to answer this with what I used to aspire to be. Very early on, I really wanted to be a scientist and kept insisting to be, but then lost interest, I don’t remember why, but right now I’m thinking it’s because something about it is slightly terrifying. Very recently I wanted to become a writer because I think I was very passionate about stories in general, but I have realized how unsuccessful I might be if I chase for that with the amount of motivation and skill I have for it right now, so recently I’ve been thinking I’ll do something math-related, since I am good at it.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
Refreshing for most of the time, but I think I would get lonely a few times. This is assuming I have nothing else to do and can do what I want.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I don’t really know what activities I prefer, maybe more of ones that are having to do with dexterity. I am TERRIBLE at sports, I am too wary during ball games (but this is because I’ve been hurt a lot playing with other people too many times). Badminton is the sport I am best at. I can play with quite average skill there. I actually enjoy it too, but I’m not sure how to explain why, perhaps due to liking the feeling of light movements (if that sounds correct). I like to walk, it helps me think when I imagine things. I don’t like walking if I have to do anything else with it, it’s much harder to focus.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I think I’m pretty curious. I’m not sure though. I have more ideas than I can execute ONLY BECAUSE I don’t have the required skills to execute those ideas. My curiosities are about whatever another person brings up, perhaps. Or I’m curious about people’s analysis. My ideas are very conceptual, I suppose. My ideas are more like creating a story, or combining two stories together. Or I take one small thing from a story I know of and imagine things focusing on that. I think I’m imagining too much about media I consume, but I don’t normally do otherwise.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
I would enjoy it for the sake of a false sense of responsibility, either that or for the sake of trying something new that I’m not good at. However, I know I am not responsible enough to be good at it. As long as there is time for our team to do the task, I think I could possibly be able to do it. But I’m a terrible leader since I would end up being unable to think of anything. I would rather lead by being a participative leader, because that’s the only way I can lead properly.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
Perhaps I am coordinated, but I don’t understand this question at all. I may enjoy working with my hands. I don’t understand what this question means by “describe your activity”.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
Perhaps I am artistic, I do draw sometimes, especially if I’m bored. My art is likely just drawing humans, and nothing unordinary, just normality, I don’t know why I prefer doing so. However if I was able to draw something that was quite surreal, then I would like to do that a few times. I just wouldn’t do it all the time because I don’t think I would have that many ideas.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
The past is just gone. You apparently can’t change the past, though it would be interesting if we could go to the past. But it’s not easy for me to think so much about the past voluntarily. Sometimes I do connect the past with the future, but it’s not because I actually think hard of it, it just happens. But usually if I think about the past too much, or actually try to think of the past, the first things I start focusing on are bad memories. I did mention in previous times that I answered this sort of question that I did not like the past, but of course as long as it’s not because I’m focused on one terrible thing that happened to me or one terrible thing I did, it’s not bad. The present is just a moment and then gone. So what? Also, we’re not really in the present, are we? I don’t even know what’s going to happen in my future, so I think I can only form an opinion on the idea. I mostly have a bit of an optimistic thought that it will go well since it always isn’t as bad as I think, but at the same time there’s a feeling of dread.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I don’t think I would react that strongly unless it is bothering me when I’m trying to do something and I’m focused on doing it. Otherwise I would try to help without feeling any bother, but I may wonder why they need my help even if it’s incredibly obvious why. If I decide to help them I’ll just do so because otherwise they’ll likely bother me with it. Either that or just because I can.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
I don’t think this is a good question, do some people really think they don’t need it? If there are such people, I wonder what their thought process is with that. Basically, why wouldn’t I?
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
I don’t think I’m efficient or have good productivity, but I do think I stress out over it. Low efficiency annoys me which is probably hypocritical. Although, I mostly do get annoyed about those when it comes to group work, because personally in those I would try my best to be efficient and productive.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I don’t think I do, but I might have done it without noticing. I think I would likely do it if I had the incredible need to change the topic of the conversation. Otherwise I don’t think I would bother doing it, why should I care enough to control others, especially since that takes too much effort?
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
I draw sometimes, to pass the time when I’m bored and to just picture things I want to picture. Also to show people. I just mostly like drawing to see the results. Strangely with painting it’s different, I just like the act of doing so, but I don’t really care about results, so it ends up very messy. I like to write sometimes but only because I get overwhelmed and end up wanting to write what has been stuck in my head for so long onto something. So I guess that’s a hobby, but it’s somewhat tiring so I don’t write for long periods of time. I do photography as a hobby, but I only picked it up because other people in my family I have noticed are incredibly terrible at taking photos, so out of annoyance I end up volunteering to do so. I end up liking it just because I like to look at how it looks on camera, I suppose. Especially with lights, because I recently noticed how it looks on photo.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
A few years ago I took a test for this kind of thing during secondary/middle school. I suppose it said auditory. Though that’s likely inaccurate now since I prefer reading the instructions and everything else, because it’s easier to figure out where to go from there and I can focus on it better. I don’t know what learning environment I struggle in most, though I do struggle slightly if I have to do exact memorization, but as long as I can attach it to something and I put effort in it perhaps it’s alright. I prefer classes with logic.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I usually improvise but have a slight idea of what I’m doing. As in, I have a slight idea on the topic but I’d rather not be rigid on it because otherwise I would be focusing too much on one thing and likely miss something that would be good to add, rather than just having an idea then adding onto it if I thought of something. I’m not sure if that counts as winging it and improvisation though. I’m not good at strategizing but I can certainly try if I have a certain goal.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
Improve myself in general, because what else can I do? Just be successful and become someone that has a lot of capability. That first, then I perhaps could focus on something else. My reasoning is, I don’t improve myself first, how can I actually end up being able to do any other aspirations that I have?
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I fear the idea of losing thought of everything. Or losing all rationale. I don’t know what makes me uncomfortable. I hate it when I’m dragged into something when I made it clear I would rather not be, especially when they never even told me about it until a second before dragging me into it. I hate it when people bring up something, and when I finally decide to express my thoughts about it, they talk over me or interrupt me. Either that, or they just tell me to not think so much. This is incredibly annoying to me, but I suppose it would annoy anyone.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
I think I would be very calm and focused. I think I would feel very lucid.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
I think my lows would be feeling an incredible amount of dread. Or I would be very anxious and slightly more impulsive. Though, I think nobody would notice much in real life.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I think I do pay attention sometimes but it’s inconsistent when I do or don’t. I pay attention if I have to. I like to daydream sometimes. I’m not sure if I pay attention more or daydream more. How would I be aware of my surroundings if I do daydream though? Obviously not.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
First of all, do I know why I'm there? If I don’t I would wonder about that. Also is it that I suddenly got there, or was I brought there? I think I wasn’t sure of any of these, especially why I’m there, then I would think I was kidnapped and just try to get out of that room. Ignoring all that, I would probably walk around a lot and think of the same things I always daydream about or imagine about. But wait, how long am I supposed to be staying there? Is there an obvious part of this room where I can just leave or is it basically just nothing? Really this is a bit too unspecific.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I usually try to think a lot before making an important decision, after all, there is always the chance my first idea could go wrong if I don’t think it over first. I usually doubt myself once I made that decision even though I thought it through a lot. I rarely end up regretting it and changing my mind though. However, I sometimes end up doing things on impulse either if I’m tired or for some reason I don’t even know. In which case I 100% change my mind.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
It takes a while. I do know how I feel towards certain things but it takes time to understand or explain why, otherwise it’s difficult to express. I usually process this myself. Emotions are important, I guess. Aren’t they motivators though? It’s the entire reason why I’m actually doing anything, so I don’t see why it wouldn’t be.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
I end up doing this sometimes, just not directly saying I agree or not directly saying they are right, because most of the times I do this I do know I disagree, I just don’t have a coherent argument that is enough to be convincing, or one that is enough that my view seems rational, because most of the times I notice the other person would see the opposing viewpoint as incredibly irrational and stupid. I am working on not doing this though, because it’s likely better to make them think about it than doing nothing and keep them thinking something that they could change their mind on or I could change my mind on. Another reason why I’m working on this because I realize agreeing without actually agreeing would end up nagging me in the head.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
No, I don't break rules often. I’m either afraid of being punished, or because I see the rules are pretty rational and I understand them, even if I wouldn’t personally impose those rules myself. It’s not too difficult for me to try and adapt to those rules if different places have different rules. I do find myself re-checking the rules a lot though. I only don’t give any mind about rules if I really hate the community or place in which these rules have been imposed on. But if I hated it in the first place, why would I even be there? Anyways, challenged or not challenged, it’s not one or the other, it really depends on how the authority does things. Consider what they’re like first and what they do in their role then judge if they should be challenged or not challenged.