Pulmonary embolism more condition symptoms
Anemia
2018.11.20 00:51 Anemia
A subreddit dedicated to sufferers of Anemia. Anything anemic related can be discussed here, whether it’s questions, support or advice. For more info on Iron Deficiency with or without Anemia, check out The Iron Protocol FB Group Guides and www.theironprotocol.com
2013.08.05 18:25 Soupdeloup Living disconnected.
For help, discussion, treatment, and management of derealization/ depersonalization.
2012.10.17 07:30 Dickton_Bungeye Sciatica
The sciatica subreddit is the internet's largest community to find support, share stories (successful or otherwise!), and learn more about the challenging medical condition of radiculopathy.
2024.06.02 09:48 tardigradebabe Constant struggle with UTIs getting out of control (23 F)
I’m a 23F who started having UTIs when I was just 6 years old. Less frequently than I do now. I’ve had them pretty much constantly (5-6 times a year) since about age 18. Many times I’ll go in with symptoms and the doctors will say that the test came back negative, so I started buying home tests. A lot of the time they’ll come back positive, but other times they’ll come back (+) for leukocytes but (-) for nitrites. When I take antibiotics for these symptoms they often times don’t truly ever go away. They’ll just get to be a little less and more tolerable. Every once in a while (maybe once every 2 weeks) I try to pee but I cannot because it feels like there are knives in my abdomen and pelvis. I won’t be able to stand up straight or continue to pee when this happens. I just have to wait the pain out, which might take hours. If I try to pee while this pain occurs, it feels like the muscles in my abdomen get tighter and tighter and knot up. It is important to note that I have ulcerative colitis (since age 10), which is an inflammatory condition. I’m also on an immunosuppressant which makes me more susceptible to infections. My everyday UTI symptoms are burning when urinating, burning in general, stabbing-like pain in my pelvis, pressure in my pelvis, and frequent urge to pee. What should I do? What should I look into? Could this be related to my ulcerative colitis or my immunosuppressant? How can I ease my painful symptoms? Can someone give me more information on interstitial cystitis?
submitted by tardigradebabe to AskDocs [link] [comments]
2024.06.02 08:31 RagefulShrimp Constantly mentally tired after covid 3 years ago. Neurologists and psychiatrists find nothing and sending to each other
30M,173cm,64kg,W. In may 2021 I had a 10 day period of fever 39.5 degrees with other symptoms such as severe headache(more than usual when I have high temp), particles in urine and itchiness in urethra after urination, added weird odor to both gases from colon and from mouth(took 2 years to disappear). After the illness I had a period of muscle weakness for about a month. Also I had issues with severe decrease in bowel movement which took more than 2 years to heal(things become much better after I've started eating white rice). Although it was not confirmed but it's likely that I had a covid19.
After a month and a half I felt like I've almost recovered but some symptoms remained which I expected to just disappear over a longer period of time but they did not. At first I just stopped feeling well rested after waking up and I couldn't get energized from anything like music or sports. I've started quickly getting mentally exhausted from any activity. Right now after 3 years I can't even look straight when walking because processing that amount of visual information is already too exhausting for me. I have to look at the ground to not waste my mental energy when walking outside. Before the easiest and the most enjoyable things for me were reading and playing games which I could do for days or weeks almost ignoring sleep and eating but now even 30 minutes of playing video games could feel like previous 9 hours of office work.
Before this issue I was very healthy and still don't feel physically anything wrong. Did some sports, eat only healthy boiled food, mostly grains and eggs/meat. Never consumed any harmful substances like alcohol or drugs. Don't have any phycological issues. I have a decent family, no reason being stressed, accept myself for who I am and even if I'm not doing my best - I'm having fun with my life and it is all I care about.
I did brain MRI, encephalogram, neck vessels ultrasound which showed venous insufficiency which does not explain the symptoms, blood(general, hepatitis, ferritin, thyroid functions), urine tests.
In December 2023 neurologist assumed I have a depression and prescribed escitalopram. I took 5mg for 24 days with no positive results. But it helped me realize that I at least don't have the kind of depression that this drug induced. It completely cut off my concept of having fun reading a book. I stopped being able to understand this. And it made everything else felt much more bland till I've stopped taking the drug. I feel everything the same way I felt before the illness and I can enjoy everything I could before but I'm just constantly very tired with nothing being able to alleviate this.
In February 2024 I visited a psychiatrist as previous neurologist advised and after some talk no mental disorders or other issues were discovered. Got advised to check in with neurologist and received a prescription for emoxypine 250mg/day, idebenone 60mg/day and sulpiride 100mg 2 times/day. After 24 days of taking this stuff also got zero improvement.
Other drugs and vitamins I've taken over the period of 3 years with no short of long term improvement for the main symptoms: B1+3+6+9+12, D, Iron, Mg, Zinc, Ca, potassium iodide Ginkgo biloba, choline alfoscerate, vinpocetine, detralex, cinnarizine, pentoxifylline, inosine, piracetam, phenibut, levocarnitine, meldonium
Would be important to mention that I had 3 remissions since then: 1st for about 2-3 weeks starting at 1st of July 2022. It took 1 or 2 days to get from pretty bad condition to somewhat alright 2nd was for about 1.5 - 2 weeks at around 12 sep 2022. Took around 12h including sleep to get from bad into a decent condition(but worse then in previous remission) 3rd was for 4 days from around 11 of july 2023. My condition was gradually improving for 2 weeks before that stating from when I began taking ginkgo biloba and choline alfoscerate. I'm not sure if those drugs actually did anything or if it was a placebo effect.
From at least the first two remissions I would assume that my condition is reversible and should have an easy fix but I haven't found anything that energizes me or makes me less tired, Sports which I liked my whole life only makes me sleepy depending on intensity of physical exercises. Also my condition continues to deteriorate. Now I feel a little but noticeable worse than at June previous year. My condition does not have any effect on mood or irritability. At beast it is an indirect result of me having hard time doing things I liked to do before and being frustrated about it.
submitted by RagefulShrimp to AskDocs [link] [comments]
After a month and a half I felt like I've almost recovered but some symptoms remained which I expected to just disappear over a longer period of time but they did not. At first I just stopped feeling well rested after waking up and I couldn't get energized from anything like music or sports. I've started quickly getting mentally exhausted from any activity. Right now after 3 years I can't even look straight when walking because processing that amount of visual information is already too exhausting for me. I have to look at the ground to not waste my mental energy when walking outside. Before the easiest and the most enjoyable things for me were reading and playing games which I could do for days or weeks almost ignoring sleep and eating but now even 30 minutes of playing video games could feel like previous 9 hours of office work.
Before this issue I was very healthy and still don't feel physically anything wrong. Did some sports, eat only healthy boiled food, mostly grains and eggs/meat. Never consumed any harmful substances like alcohol or drugs. Don't have any phycological issues. I have a decent family, no reason being stressed, accept myself for who I am and even if I'm not doing my best - I'm having fun with my life and it is all I care about.
I did brain MRI, encephalogram, neck vessels ultrasound which showed venous insufficiency which does not explain the symptoms, blood(general, hepatitis, ferritin, thyroid functions), urine tests.
In December 2023 neurologist assumed I have a depression and prescribed escitalopram. I took 5mg for 24 days with no positive results. But it helped me realize that I at least don't have the kind of depression that this drug induced. It completely cut off my concept of having fun reading a book. I stopped being able to understand this. And it made everything else felt much more bland till I've stopped taking the drug. I feel everything the same way I felt before the illness and I can enjoy everything I could before but I'm just constantly very tired with nothing being able to alleviate this.
In February 2024 I visited a psychiatrist as previous neurologist advised and after some talk no mental disorders or other issues were discovered. Got advised to check in with neurologist and received a prescription for emoxypine 250mg/day, idebenone 60mg/day and sulpiride 100mg 2 times/day. After 24 days of taking this stuff also got zero improvement.
Other drugs and vitamins I've taken over the period of 3 years with no short of long term improvement for the main symptoms: B1+3+6+9+12, D, Iron, Mg, Zinc, Ca, potassium iodide Ginkgo biloba, choline alfoscerate, vinpocetine, detralex, cinnarizine, pentoxifylline, inosine, piracetam, phenibut, levocarnitine, meldonium
Would be important to mention that I had 3 remissions since then: 1st for about 2-3 weeks starting at 1st of July 2022. It took 1 or 2 days to get from pretty bad condition to somewhat alright 2nd was for about 1.5 - 2 weeks at around 12 sep 2022. Took around 12h including sleep to get from bad into a decent condition(but worse then in previous remission) 3rd was for 4 days from around 11 of july 2023. My condition was gradually improving for 2 weeks before that stating from when I began taking ginkgo biloba and choline alfoscerate. I'm not sure if those drugs actually did anything or if it was a placebo effect.
From at least the first two remissions I would assume that my condition is reversible and should have an easy fix but I haven't found anything that energizes me or makes me less tired, Sports which I liked my whole life only makes me sleepy depending on intensity of physical exercises. Also my condition continues to deteriorate. Now I feel a little but noticeable worse than at June previous year. My condition does not have any effect on mood or irritability. At beast it is an indirect result of me having hard time doing things I liked to do before and being frustrated about it.
2024.06.02 07:57 Fabulous_Patient_303 diagnosis troubles (i know this is long but pls if u can give me some advice)
hi everyone!
so in simplest terms, here is what has been happening:
have been having chronic stomach pain with constipation in the beginning but now it is diarrhea. have been working with gi for years now and have done a thorough workup. only thing that is found is anemia that does not go away with iron pills at all and only iv iron, and a high esr rate.
after having scopes, they have seen EVERYTHING (yes even the small intestine) 3 times now. and it is all normal with biopsies.
and about 1 year ago, i started getting back pain when i need to bend down to grab something, etc.
then it started in the hips and the back pain went away, the hips kept getting worse so i told my primary doctor, she sent me to physical therapy and a 4-6 sessions later, no significant improvement, i was then sent to orthopedics, then sports med (even though its not a sports injury), sports med did rheumatology blood test workup which was all negative (ana, hla-b27, rheumatoid factor, anti-ccp) so we did a pelvis mri with and without contrast.
this is what they saw:
Enthesitis at bilateral greater trochanters and possibly also iliac crests. Mild iliac crest apophysitis.
Fatty proliferation within the mesocolon and mesorectum are findings typically seen in Crohn's disease,
my sports med recommended i work with gi to find the inflammation in my gut that may be causing the hip issues. gi was already doing more scopes so we were hoping to find something that will account for both issues but it was once again negative.
gi referred me to a rheumatologist.
rheumatology thinks that enthesitis is sometimes found in normal patient mri's as well. though, since i am having pain right where the mri is showing enthesitis it may be what's causing it. anyways, he wanted me to try meloxicam, tried it for about 1 - 1 1/2 months with no improvement (in the first few days it helped a little but it stopped helping within those first few days)
i also had some hand pain, my rheumatologist ordered hand xrays which showed possible periarticular demineralization. because of this, he ordered a hand mri (with and without contrast) which was normal, there was a cyst in my wrist but i think my rheumatologist says it should not be causing pain in my hands
we did another mri of the hips (with and without contrast) and it shows:
Enthesitis at the gluteal insertion on the greater trochanters.
Similar mild fatty proliferation of the mesocolon and mesorectum. Mild apparent rectal wall thickening and enhancement is likely exaggerated by underdistention, however clinical correlation is needed.
because of this my rheumatologist said we can try enbrel but i did research and in some cases enbrel can cause or provoke ibd so if i already had that then it could potentially worsen it. so we went with humira + hydroxycloriquine which is what i am on now.
i am talking to my gi with my anal symptoms and the rectal mri findings but he said they are non-specific and there wasn't enough contrast. i messaged him again asking what i should do about anal symptoms so will hopefully hear back from him soon.
in the meantime, this is my 2nd week on humira + hydroxycloriquine, and my rheumatologist wants to try this for 3 months.
does this look like ankylosing spondylitis? i also heard ankylosing spondylitis is a diagnosis of exclusion, is that true? i also know that some times patients with this condition have enthesitis, is it possible i just have enthesitis wthout other common issues found in ankylosing spondylitis? also what is the treatment for this, i know that it is an autoimmune disease so i am guessing same treatment as what i am on now? and what is the diagnostic criteria for this, do i meet it at this time?
thanks
submitted by Fabulous_Patient_303 to ankylosingspondylitis [link] [comments]
so in simplest terms, here is what has been happening:
have been having chronic stomach pain with constipation in the beginning but now it is diarrhea. have been working with gi for years now and have done a thorough workup. only thing that is found is anemia that does not go away with iron pills at all and only iv iron, and a high esr rate.
after having scopes, they have seen EVERYTHING (yes even the small intestine) 3 times now. and it is all normal with biopsies.
and about 1 year ago, i started getting back pain when i need to bend down to grab something, etc.
then it started in the hips and the back pain went away, the hips kept getting worse so i told my primary doctor, she sent me to physical therapy and a 4-6 sessions later, no significant improvement, i was then sent to orthopedics, then sports med (even though its not a sports injury), sports med did rheumatology blood test workup which was all negative (ana, hla-b27, rheumatoid factor, anti-ccp) so we did a pelvis mri with and without contrast.
this is what they saw:
Enthesitis at bilateral greater trochanters and possibly also iliac crests. Mild iliac crest apophysitis.
Fatty proliferation within the mesocolon and mesorectum are findings typically seen in Crohn's disease,
my sports med recommended i work with gi to find the inflammation in my gut that may be causing the hip issues. gi was already doing more scopes so we were hoping to find something that will account for both issues but it was once again negative.
gi referred me to a rheumatologist.
rheumatology thinks that enthesitis is sometimes found in normal patient mri's as well. though, since i am having pain right where the mri is showing enthesitis it may be what's causing it. anyways, he wanted me to try meloxicam, tried it for about 1 - 1 1/2 months with no improvement (in the first few days it helped a little but it stopped helping within those first few days)
i also had some hand pain, my rheumatologist ordered hand xrays which showed possible periarticular demineralization. because of this, he ordered a hand mri (with and without contrast) which was normal, there was a cyst in my wrist but i think my rheumatologist says it should not be causing pain in my hands
we did another mri of the hips (with and without contrast) and it shows:
Enthesitis at the gluteal insertion on the greater trochanters.
Similar mild fatty proliferation of the mesocolon and mesorectum. Mild apparent rectal wall thickening and enhancement is likely exaggerated by underdistention, however clinical correlation is needed.
because of this my rheumatologist said we can try enbrel but i did research and in some cases enbrel can cause or provoke ibd so if i already had that then it could potentially worsen it. so we went with humira + hydroxycloriquine which is what i am on now.
i am talking to my gi with my anal symptoms and the rectal mri findings but he said they are non-specific and there wasn't enough contrast. i messaged him again asking what i should do about anal symptoms so will hopefully hear back from him soon.
in the meantime, this is my 2nd week on humira + hydroxycloriquine, and my rheumatologist wants to try this for 3 months.
does this look like ankylosing spondylitis? i also heard ankylosing spondylitis is a diagnosis of exclusion, is that true? i also know that some times patients with this condition have enthesitis, is it possible i just have enthesitis wthout other common issues found in ankylosing spondylitis? also what is the treatment for this, i know that it is an autoimmune disease so i am guessing same treatment as what i am on now? and what is the diagnostic criteria for this, do i meet it at this time?
thanks
2024.06.02 07:31 neon_batman 35 [M4F] #San Diego #Usa - Quadriplegic man seeking connection with the hope of it leading to more
Let's get this out of the way first....I was born with a degenerative muscle disorder and I use a power wheelchair. I have severe muscle weakness throughout my entire body which includes my cardiac and pulmonary muscles. As you can imagine dating is a bit more difficult for me but I have found love on Reddit before so I’m back to find it again.
A LITTLE ABOUT ME: I would definitely call myself an introvert. I'm extremely even-tempered so it takes a lot to piss me off and/or offend me. I'm a good listener and very easy to talk to, I have been described by previous partners as genuine, kind and sweet. In person I can come across as quiet and shy at first but, I just need a little time to get comfortable with someone before I really open up. Me---https://imgur.com/a/Qf6HHVg
Some things I enjoy....
-Making people smile/laugh
-Watching sports(Padres and Chargers)
-The cringiest of puns d4d jokes
-Standup comedy...Tom Segura, Bill Burr, Bert Kreischer, Andrew Schulz, Bobby Lee, Norm MacDonald, Mark Normand, Dave Chapelle, and many more.
-Collecting Batman memorabilia
-Podcasts like YMH, Tigerbelly, Kill Tony, TYSO, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bad Friends, etc.
-Music...I mostly like Alternative and Classic Rock but I'm into some pop and open to everything really. Foo Fighters, Wet Leg, Cage The Elephant, RHCP, Queen, The Eagles, AURORA, and so many more
-Going to concerts
-Shows...Currently watching Hacks on Max. all time favorite show is Breaking Bad
-Watching movies like horror, thrillers, sci-fi, comedy, and Super Hero stuff is fun Taskmaster!
ABOUT YOU: I’m looking for my best friend and partner, someone who wants a serious relationship. I want someone who is kind and compassionate, trustworthy and genuine. Someone with a sense of (sometimes dark)humor who can make me laugh and doesn’t take themselves too seriously. Someone who is not afraid to be silly sometimes. As for location, the closer the better so it's easier to meet up but I don’t mind long distance as long as there is a plan to see each other often. It would be ideal if you could eventually relocate because that is currently not an option for me.
To show me that you’ve read the entire post and are serious please include the word football in your message. If you have any questions regarding my condition please feel free to ask me ANYTHING.
Don’t be put off by my disability, I don’t bite....unless you're into that ;)
submitted by neon_batman to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]
A LITTLE ABOUT ME: I would definitely call myself an introvert. I'm extremely even-tempered so it takes a lot to piss me off and/or offend me. I'm a good listener and very easy to talk to, I have been described by previous partners as genuine, kind and sweet. In person I can come across as quiet and shy at first but, I just need a little time to get comfortable with someone before I really open up. Me---https://imgur.com/a/Qf6HHVg
Some things I enjoy....
-Making people smile/laugh
-Watching sports(Padres and Chargers)
-The cringiest of puns d4d jokes
-Standup comedy...Tom Segura, Bill Burr, Bert Kreischer, Andrew Schulz, Bobby Lee, Norm MacDonald, Mark Normand, Dave Chapelle, and many more.
-Collecting Batman memorabilia
-Podcasts like YMH, Tigerbelly, Kill Tony, TYSO, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bad Friends, etc.
-Music...I mostly like Alternative and Classic Rock but I'm into some pop and open to everything really. Foo Fighters, Wet Leg, Cage The Elephant, RHCP, Queen, The Eagles, AURORA, and so many more
-Going to concerts
-Shows...Currently watching Hacks on Max. all time favorite show is Breaking Bad
-Watching movies like horror, thrillers, sci-fi, comedy, and Super Hero stuff is fun Taskmaster!
ABOUT YOU: I’m looking for my best friend and partner, someone who wants a serious relationship. I want someone who is kind and compassionate, trustworthy and genuine. Someone with a sense of (sometimes dark)humor who can make me laugh and doesn’t take themselves too seriously. Someone who is not afraid to be silly sometimes. As for location, the closer the better so it's easier to meet up but I don’t mind long distance as long as there is a plan to see each other often. It would be ideal if you could eventually relocate because that is currently not an option for me.
To show me that you’ve read the entire post and are serious please include the word football in your message. If you have any questions regarding my condition please feel free to ask me ANYTHING.
Don’t be put off by my disability, I don’t bite....unless you're into that ;)
2024.06.02 07:16 MarinReiter Odd Urthicaria - Does anyone know what this is??
Hi, Im 27F and I have a weird and annoying case of urthicaria that pops up from time to time. This has been going on for more than 5 years. Description: It appears as small circles of varying size of raised, red, itchy skin. Usually only on my limbs, my hands or feet, but in specially troublesome cases like today, it can also appear beneath my chin and around the part my neck meets the back of my head. Another symptom is that the skin of my palms and thumbs not only gets itchy (without the bumps), but starts feeling inflammated and palpitating, like they just got stung by a bee. Thumbs tend to swell and become kinda purpleish. And after a while, they start to hurt. It's always worse on my left hand than on my right, for some reason.
The first time it popped up I was under stressful conditions, so I just chalked it up to it being psychosomatic. But then it kept popping up. Today, for example, I'm down with a cold and it popped up when I went to bed. (perhaps it's related to a momentarily lower immune system?)
I definitely want to have it checked out, but when I went to a dermatologist they told me I should go when I'm actually suffering from these symptoms... Which is impossible, since they usually begin and end within a day, if not a few hours.
I'm not allergic to anything at all, though I have close family members who are very allergic to stuff. I have no medical conditions except Schizoid Personality Disorder, for which I take a small dose of escitalopram daily. I have a normal BMI and on my last blood test everything was fine. If I do certain activities that involve extensive use of my palms and thumbs, like gaming, the symptoms related to those parts pop up. (swelling, palpitation, pain)
Antihistamines don't do much. The only thing that provides momentary relief is, well, ice. So, docs, do you have any idea what this is? Or at the very least what may be the mechanism causing it? Theories are very much appreciated haha.
submitted by MarinReiter to AskDocs [link] [comments]
The first time it popped up I was under stressful conditions, so I just chalked it up to it being psychosomatic. But then it kept popping up. Today, for example, I'm down with a cold and it popped up when I went to bed. (perhaps it's related to a momentarily lower immune system?)
I definitely want to have it checked out, but when I went to a dermatologist they told me I should go when I'm actually suffering from these symptoms... Which is impossible, since they usually begin and end within a day, if not a few hours.
I'm not allergic to anything at all, though I have close family members who are very allergic to stuff. I have no medical conditions except Schizoid Personality Disorder, for which I take a small dose of escitalopram daily. I have a normal BMI and on my last blood test everything was fine. If I do certain activities that involve extensive use of my palms and thumbs, like gaming, the symptoms related to those parts pop up. (swelling, palpitation, pain)
Antihistamines don't do much. The only thing that provides momentary relief is, well, ice. So, docs, do you have any idea what this is? Or at the very least what may be the mechanism causing it? Theories are very much appreciated haha.
2024.06.02 07:04 LonelyMaleficent Advice: Intern Applications with Academic Misconduct
Hey everyone, would really appreciate some advice. As the title indicates, I'm a final year student currently applying for internship, and I unfortunately have academic misconduct on my transcript.
To explain the situation (not excuse it), this happened during one of the worst years of my life. I was very socially isolated, with no family and friends to support me and it was also my first clinical year. I was diagnosed with multiple medical conditions which impaired my ability to study / function / attend placement at times (sorry, being vague to protect identity). One of my specialists would also constantly tell me that I should reconsider pursuing medicine, which led to even more isolation along with a lot of shame and self-doubt.
All in all, it was a bit of a shit-show, and then I got COVID. I was immunocompromised at the time, so I was hit really hard (pretty much bed-ridden for 3 weeks with 4 months of ongoing symptoms). This happened towards the end of the year, closer to exams. I was barely hanging on, incredibly stressed about studying, and conscious of required placement catch-up during my break (this was also worrying me as I was really burned out and homesick). The uni increased my placement hours to facilitate catch up, but I wasn't able to cope. Thus, I made one of the stupidest decisions of my life and forged about 1.5 weeks worth of placement attendance.
I truly regret what I did, I've never had any other professionalism or misconduct concerns in my life, including warnings, and it was an incredibly stupid choice I made out of desperation. I made amends with both the med school and the placement, taking full accountability for my actions. I received a 0 grade, repeated the year, and the misconduct is recorded on my official academic transcript.
Onto my current situation - the state I'm in requires an academic transcript with our application, so the misconduct will be noted.
submitted by LonelyMaleficent to ausjdocs [link] [comments]
To explain the situation (not excuse it), this happened during one of the worst years of my life. I was very socially isolated, with no family and friends to support me and it was also my first clinical year. I was diagnosed with multiple medical conditions which impaired my ability to study / function / attend placement at times (sorry, being vague to protect identity). One of my specialists would also constantly tell me that I should reconsider pursuing medicine, which led to even more isolation along with a lot of shame and self-doubt.
All in all, it was a bit of a shit-show, and then I got COVID. I was immunocompromised at the time, so I was hit really hard (pretty much bed-ridden for 3 weeks with 4 months of ongoing symptoms). This happened towards the end of the year, closer to exams. I was barely hanging on, incredibly stressed about studying, and conscious of required placement catch-up during my break (this was also worrying me as I was really burned out and homesick). The uni increased my placement hours to facilitate catch up, but I wasn't able to cope. Thus, I made one of the stupidest decisions of my life and forged about 1.5 weeks worth of placement attendance.
I truly regret what I did, I've never had any other professionalism or misconduct concerns in my life, including warnings, and it was an incredibly stupid choice I made out of desperation. I made amends with both the med school and the placement, taking full accountability for my actions. I received a 0 grade, repeated the year, and the misconduct is recorded on my official academic transcript.
Onto my current situation - the state I'm in requires an academic transcript with our application, so the misconduct will be noted.
- The bulk of advice regarding applications is to 'sell ourselves' and focus on positive attributes, but I feel that I should address the misconduct in my application and be transparent - would I be shooting myself in the foot? There are no interviews where I might be able to address it instead.
- I'm able to eventually petition to have the misconduct removed from my transcript - if I'm successful in doing so, is there any way for hospitals / recruitment to still see it? Do hospitals I apply to now keep a record of the original transcript (and would this impact me down the line?)
- For both current applications and future, is this something I can bring up in response to questions like biggest mistake / failure / set-back or would it again be shooting myself in the foot? I learned and grew so much from all of this and it's something that has really shaped me, but I'm not sure if I'd be stupid to disclose it (where they wouldn't know already). If I were to mention that I repeated a year (without mentioning the misconduct), would this be seen as dishonest or cause someone to look into my transcript - thus discovering it?
2024.06.02 06:39 Mission-Stuff-9898 Boyfriend is not considerate when it comes to illness and it’s starting to drive me crazy
I (early 20s F) have a chronic health condition which means I am immunocompromised, when I get sick it’s often more severe and lasts twice as long as other people. It also aggravates my health condition more so it’s a pretty bad feedback loop.
My partner (early 20s M) is aware of this and does try to do stuff like get covid vaccine boosters and such but can’t help but get sick constantly and “not notice” before passing it onto me. So far this year he had two pretty prominent warts on one of his fingers that I had to point out and ask him to deal with (I had persistent warts years ago and broke records at the clinic which treated them for the treatment duration, it took years of effort and painful intense treatments, being constantly vigilant to get rid of them). He told me he’d sort of noticed them but didn’t want to tell me because I’d “freak out”. Needless to say, his went away in a month or so with over the counter treatments and I’ve of course caught them, they’ve spread to almost half of my fingers and I’m back to sustaining really invasive treatment as they seem to only spread and grow over 4 months or so.
He also has chronic allergies which he doesn’t really take his prescribed medication for. This sort of bothers me because he sniffles every day and spreads snot with stuff like snotty tissues that he leaves everywhere. This is kind of gross already but means that when he has a cold he “can’t distinguish between it and the allergies” even though the first sign of a cold is usually a sore throat which I would imagine is sort of easy to notice as standing out from other hayfever symptoms? Usually he’ll complain of a sore throat offhand and I will have to explain to him that he’s sick and needs to take this more seriously and be more on top of his symptoms so I know to avoid him for a few days and avoid getting sick myself. Because when I inevitably always do, already 2-3 times this year, I’m impacted for closer to 3-4 weeks.
The most recent incident has been him coming down with gastro which he initially put down to food poisoning (as he isn’t great with food safety either). I get that it can be hard to distinguish, and that he doesn’t want to make me sick. But yesterday he told me that he he was better and wanted to hang out so we spent the day together. Only for him to be visibly sick the whole time, offended when I didn’t want to eat something his cutlery had touched, and for me to be invited to his home without the knowledge that his parents had caught his “food poisoning” and were both throwing up, and had still invited a guest over to dinner?? I only found out when I got there and immediately left. If I come down with something like gastro and can’t keep food/fluids down I will need to go to the emergency room immediately as it is dangerous for me.
I asked him today if he washed his hands properly and he said yes but when not sick he doesn’t even always use soap. I’m starting to get really tired of his bad hygiene/self-care practices which keep becoming my problem and I’m not warned about before it’s too late (and often I have to pick up on it myself and tell him to deal with it and be more careful next time).
Even if he does genuinely makes a mistake each time, I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t care enough. And I know that my condition sounds bad and that I should be more vigilant/expect to be sick sometimes which of course I understand. But why can’t he be bothered to notice something is up/why does he avoid telling me every time! I’m starting to really resent him for this
submitted by Mission-Stuff-9898 to offmychest [link] [comments]
My partner (early 20s M) is aware of this and does try to do stuff like get covid vaccine boosters and such but can’t help but get sick constantly and “not notice” before passing it onto me. So far this year he had two pretty prominent warts on one of his fingers that I had to point out and ask him to deal with (I had persistent warts years ago and broke records at the clinic which treated them for the treatment duration, it took years of effort and painful intense treatments, being constantly vigilant to get rid of them). He told me he’d sort of noticed them but didn’t want to tell me because I’d “freak out”. Needless to say, his went away in a month or so with over the counter treatments and I’ve of course caught them, they’ve spread to almost half of my fingers and I’m back to sustaining really invasive treatment as they seem to only spread and grow over 4 months or so.
He also has chronic allergies which he doesn’t really take his prescribed medication for. This sort of bothers me because he sniffles every day and spreads snot with stuff like snotty tissues that he leaves everywhere. This is kind of gross already but means that when he has a cold he “can’t distinguish between it and the allergies” even though the first sign of a cold is usually a sore throat which I would imagine is sort of easy to notice as standing out from other hayfever symptoms? Usually he’ll complain of a sore throat offhand and I will have to explain to him that he’s sick and needs to take this more seriously and be more on top of his symptoms so I know to avoid him for a few days and avoid getting sick myself. Because when I inevitably always do, already 2-3 times this year, I’m impacted for closer to 3-4 weeks.
The most recent incident has been him coming down with gastro which he initially put down to food poisoning (as he isn’t great with food safety either). I get that it can be hard to distinguish, and that he doesn’t want to make me sick. But yesterday he told me that he he was better and wanted to hang out so we spent the day together. Only for him to be visibly sick the whole time, offended when I didn’t want to eat something his cutlery had touched, and for me to be invited to his home without the knowledge that his parents had caught his “food poisoning” and were both throwing up, and had still invited a guest over to dinner?? I only found out when I got there and immediately left. If I come down with something like gastro and can’t keep food/fluids down I will need to go to the emergency room immediately as it is dangerous for me.
I asked him today if he washed his hands properly and he said yes but when not sick he doesn’t even always use soap. I’m starting to get really tired of his bad hygiene/self-care practices which keep becoming my problem and I’m not warned about before it’s too late (and often I have to pick up on it myself and tell him to deal with it and be more careful next time).
Even if he does genuinely makes a mistake each time, I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t care enough. And I know that my condition sounds bad and that I should be more vigilant/expect to be sick sometimes which of course I understand. But why can’t he be bothered to notice something is up/why does he avoid telling me every time! I’m starting to really resent him for this
2024.06.02 06:14 Big_Apartment_3422 I've Hurt Animals And I Dont Know Why I Did It
I would like to get this off my chest because trying to search for help with "what to do when my child hurts animals on purpose" isn't getting me anywhere.
I've had moments in my life where I've done violent things for seemingly no reason. Before animals it was violence towards my brother who is 4 years younger than me and I am currently 23. One time maybe at about 8 or 9 years old I was given one of those weighted metal bell balls (I dont know what these are actually called but it's a pair that you fidget with in one hand). I ended up going to my brother and dropping it onto his head and reasonably getting in a lot of trouble for it. When we got a little older he had a loose tooth that wouldn't fall out. One day he came up to me and I noticed it. I ended punching him in the mouth and his tooth did come out but again I shouldn't have done it in the first place. At some random moments I would even just punch him for being near me. It's such shitty behavior and it's horrible how violent I've been to him for no reason. We have a pretty close relationship now as adults and often hangout to share memes but regardless I still hurt him.
Now here's the really shitty stuff. It was years later our family adopted dogs, two dachshunds. I love these sweet little hotdogs a lot and constantly think about these moments with extreme guilt and self hatred. I would pinch their ears, smack them on the head on days I was angry, or just scream at them for no reason. But I think my worst act in the long run was a form of playing where I tossed them up the air and roughly caught them. I did it occasionally when I was younger and now they've become elderly dogs that now have trouble doing things they used to. One of the dogs developed cateracts and a curved spine overtime and is now much more aggressive around people. I believe my actions are what has caused his spinal condition and aggressive behavior. I know he is suffering and I should never forgive myself for tormenting him. They are beloved members of our family and I hurt them. They did nothing to deserve any of this but the reality is that I hurt them and I am so ashamed that I think I would prefer to die.
Something more recent maybe two-ish years ago happened to some freshly caught crabs my father had bought. We were preparing to steam them soon and had moved them from a cooler to the kitchen sink. I was the kitchen to look after them in case they managed to climb out. At one point I turned on the faucet and hot water and watched them. They were going to be cooked soon but I made the choice to make them suffer and just stood there blankly.
All these events replay in my mind and telling myself I didn't know what I was doing is complete bullshit. There was a choice made that day and it was choosing disgusting inhumane violence against innocent living beings who have done nothing to deserve it.
Even now I get violent thoughts to hurt people and animals and it makes me so sick. We see this type of behavior in serial killers for fucks sake. There is definately something seriously wrong in my brain and I don't know what or why. This isn't a normal symptom of anything I have. I can feel bad for myself and say I'm sorry as much as I want but it will never undo what I did to them. I think if I ended up as a murderer in the future I wouldn't be surprised, but I hope to be put down or stopped before that happens.
I am forever sorry for all those I have hurt and hope to never forget what I've done.
submitted by Big_Apartment_3422 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
I've had moments in my life where I've done violent things for seemingly no reason. Before animals it was violence towards my brother who is 4 years younger than me and I am currently 23. One time maybe at about 8 or 9 years old I was given one of those weighted metal bell balls (I dont know what these are actually called but it's a pair that you fidget with in one hand). I ended up going to my brother and dropping it onto his head and reasonably getting in a lot of trouble for it. When we got a little older he had a loose tooth that wouldn't fall out. One day he came up to me and I noticed it. I ended punching him in the mouth and his tooth did come out but again I shouldn't have done it in the first place. At some random moments I would even just punch him for being near me. It's such shitty behavior and it's horrible how violent I've been to him for no reason. We have a pretty close relationship now as adults and often hangout to share memes but regardless I still hurt him.
Now here's the really shitty stuff. It was years later our family adopted dogs, two dachshunds. I love these sweet little hotdogs a lot and constantly think about these moments with extreme guilt and self hatred. I would pinch their ears, smack them on the head on days I was angry, or just scream at them for no reason. But I think my worst act in the long run was a form of playing where I tossed them up the air and roughly caught them. I did it occasionally when I was younger and now they've become elderly dogs that now have trouble doing things they used to. One of the dogs developed cateracts and a curved spine overtime and is now much more aggressive around people. I believe my actions are what has caused his spinal condition and aggressive behavior. I know he is suffering and I should never forgive myself for tormenting him. They are beloved members of our family and I hurt them. They did nothing to deserve any of this but the reality is that I hurt them and I am so ashamed that I think I would prefer to die.
Something more recent maybe two-ish years ago happened to some freshly caught crabs my father had bought. We were preparing to steam them soon and had moved them from a cooler to the kitchen sink. I was the kitchen to look after them in case they managed to climb out. At one point I turned on the faucet and hot water and watched them. They were going to be cooked soon but I made the choice to make them suffer and just stood there blankly.
All these events replay in my mind and telling myself I didn't know what I was doing is complete bullshit. There was a choice made that day and it was choosing disgusting inhumane violence against innocent living beings who have done nothing to deserve it.
Even now I get violent thoughts to hurt people and animals and it makes me so sick. We see this type of behavior in serial killers for fucks sake. There is definately something seriously wrong in my brain and I don't know what or why. This isn't a normal symptom of anything I have. I can feel bad for myself and say I'm sorry as much as I want but it will never undo what I did to them. I think if I ended up as a murderer in the future I wouldn't be surprised, but I hope to be put down or stopped before that happens.
I am forever sorry for all those I have hurt and hope to never forget what I've done.
2024.06.02 06:06 ParkingAd144 14yo cat has front leg flesh eating bacteria infection
Hi all,
I was going to post on catadvice but saw the no medical advice rule and thought here might be more appropriate.
Tldr: cats front leg is FUBAR from flesh eating bacteria; amputate or put down. Vet thinks he's got a good shot, and more life to give. Unsure if it is worth putting him through it, outlook looks grim from the limit resources online. Any advice, own experiences or input anyone can share?
Our 14yo male desexed mixed breed cat has been diagnosed with a flesh eating bacterial infection in his front left leg. Most of the tissue afrer his elbow joint is necrotic. We are going in tomorrow morning for either amputation, or euthenisation.
Unfortunately we only got the lab results Friday afternoon with very little opportunity to discuss the facts and stats with the vet, we are very ill prepared to make this decision (especially me).
An antibiotic injection was given 7 days after the first pink bump and swelling started, it is now 23 days in. The cat is quite healthy otherwise, except a heart murmur that has recently been discovered (will require assessment from a cardiologist). Arthritis is his only known health condition. Full blood and urine works were done, aerobic and anaerobic sample cultures and tissue samples were sent for testing. The urine testing revealed his live kidney function was on the highest range before it is considered unhealthy, suggested to be due to 2 weeks of being on anti inflammitories (meloxicam). In retrospect this appears to be a symptom of the infection also. 4 xrays have been done, 2 on the leg (separate days) and one on each half of his body. No abnormalities showed up (nor any indicators on blood tests). Cancer not suspected but the vet noted he cannot guarantee he doesn't have any, just the tests done did not reveal any.
He is progressively getting worse, the leg is almost entirely necrotic after his elbow. The fight in him has been remarkable, I don't think he's ready to go.
He is still very enthusiastic for food ( though has gone off dry food) he comes running up meowing and purring at food time. Until yesterday all waste was normal, but his poos have significantly reduced in size since yesterday. Regularitywise, it's been good. Resting heart rate is 84bpm seems wildly low, but did it twice with identical results. Breaths per minute is 32. He is very tolerant of our kids getting up in his face when they check on him Mobility however has significantly reduced. He barely leaves his new spot on a couch in an unused room.
My reservations is that from what I can find online, very few pets survive this. Though in the same articles, the majority forgoed treatment and opted for euthenising. And above all, i could barely find anything on it, and what was available is very uninformative for me. Is there any basic stats for acual treatment success rates? Does it being contained to leg increase his chances? Knowing nothing is guaranteed, but we need some sort of baseline. An "it might work" isn't the most comforting, nor helpful.
For me if it was 50/50 chance, there is no hesitation, I would go the amputation. My partner is not comfortable with 60% success likelihood, for her he is too far gone and think he's too old, it's too much for him to go through, it's time to let go etc. Given the disparity, we are concerned of a stalemate in the morning, trying to prepare as best we can.
Costs we can afford, but it's certainly not insignificant. Looking at almost $4000AUD, + cost for a needed teeth scaling, and obviously would then need to get that heart murmur diagnosed, so another $1600 for the cardiologist alone. About $3800 spent on this issue so far...definitely adding up
Seeking advice on: What would you do? What do you think is best for the cat? Do you know any statistics on survival rates of this treatment? We've been cautious, but should we be concerned of being infected by him?
submitted by ParkingAd144 to AskVet [link] [comments]
I was going to post on catadvice but saw the no medical advice rule and thought here might be more appropriate.
Tldr: cats front leg is FUBAR from flesh eating bacteria; amputate or put down. Vet thinks he's got a good shot, and more life to give. Unsure if it is worth putting him through it, outlook looks grim from the limit resources online. Any advice, own experiences or input anyone can share?
Our 14yo male desexed mixed breed cat has been diagnosed with a flesh eating bacterial infection in his front left leg. Most of the tissue afrer his elbow joint is necrotic. We are going in tomorrow morning for either amputation, or euthenisation.
Unfortunately we only got the lab results Friday afternoon with very little opportunity to discuss the facts and stats with the vet, we are very ill prepared to make this decision (especially me).
An antibiotic injection was given 7 days after the first pink bump and swelling started, it is now 23 days in. The cat is quite healthy otherwise, except a heart murmur that has recently been discovered (will require assessment from a cardiologist). Arthritis is his only known health condition. Full blood and urine works were done, aerobic and anaerobic sample cultures and tissue samples were sent for testing. The urine testing revealed his live kidney function was on the highest range before it is considered unhealthy, suggested to be due to 2 weeks of being on anti inflammitories (meloxicam). In retrospect this appears to be a symptom of the infection also. 4 xrays have been done, 2 on the leg (separate days) and one on each half of his body. No abnormalities showed up (nor any indicators on blood tests). Cancer not suspected but the vet noted he cannot guarantee he doesn't have any, just the tests done did not reveal any.
He is progressively getting worse, the leg is almost entirely necrotic after his elbow. The fight in him has been remarkable, I don't think he's ready to go.
He is still very enthusiastic for food ( though has gone off dry food) he comes running up meowing and purring at food time. Until yesterday all waste was normal, but his poos have significantly reduced in size since yesterday. Regularitywise, it's been good. Resting heart rate is 84bpm seems wildly low, but did it twice with identical results. Breaths per minute is 32. He is very tolerant of our kids getting up in his face when they check on him Mobility however has significantly reduced. He barely leaves his new spot on a couch in an unused room.
My reservations is that from what I can find online, very few pets survive this. Though in the same articles, the majority forgoed treatment and opted for euthenising. And above all, i could barely find anything on it, and what was available is very uninformative for me. Is there any basic stats for acual treatment success rates? Does it being contained to leg increase his chances? Knowing nothing is guaranteed, but we need some sort of baseline. An "it might work" isn't the most comforting, nor helpful.
For me if it was 50/50 chance, there is no hesitation, I would go the amputation. My partner is not comfortable with 60% success likelihood, for her he is too far gone and think he's too old, it's too much for him to go through, it's time to let go etc. Given the disparity, we are concerned of a stalemate in the morning, trying to prepare as best we can.
Costs we can afford, but it's certainly not insignificant. Looking at almost $4000AUD, + cost for a needed teeth scaling, and obviously would then need to get that heart murmur diagnosed, so another $1600 for the cardiologist alone. About $3800 spent on this issue so far...definitely adding up
Seeking advice on: What would you do? What do you think is best for the cat? Do you know any statistics on survival rates of this treatment? We've been cautious, but should we be concerned of being infected by him?
2024.06.02 06:01 AutoModerator Weekly Suspected Lupus Thread - Week Of June 02, 2024
This is a weekly thread for those who haven't been diagnosed, but still have questions about the diagnostic process. Please read the posting guidelines and rules! Everyone is welcome to contribute, and this is a safe space.
QUESTIONS ARE LIMITED TO 400 WORDS
____________________________________________
Please read this before posting as it may answer some of your questions:
If you use the search bar at the top of Reddit and make sure it’s set to lupus, it will search just the subreddit for your keywords. That way you can get the full breadth of questions and answers. This isn’t to say that you can’t ask questions in the general forum.
The rheumatologist/PCP will take a detailed history. I highly recommend writing down as many of your symptoms as possible, especially focusing on the symptoms you have that are in the American College of Rheumatology diagnostic criteria for lupus - see link above.
Include all your symptoms, but I would make those at the top of the list. Write down how long they’ve been going on, anything that makes them better or worse, and how much they impact your life. Do they prevent you from dressing yourself, eating/cooking, bathing yourself, doing hobbies, meeting your obligations?
ANA varies from person to person and doesn’t necessarily correlate with disease activity. Anti-dsDNA is more indicative of disease activity and can be elevated prior to and during a flare. Symptoms can also come and go, and over time you may develop additional symptoms. If you scroll through the last week of posts or so, there are a few posts that will have pretty detailed answers to your questions from multiple community members so you can get a better sense of just how full on fickle lupus can be.
Here are some good posts, one is other people experiences in general, the others are rashes (warning: some are particularly severe):
User community diagnosis experiences
This is a malar rash
Photosensitive Lupus Rash
SLE Malar rash
QUESTIONS ARE LIMITED TO 400 WORDS
submitted by AutoModerator to lupus [link] [comments]
QUESTIONS ARE LIMITED TO 400 WORDS
____________________________________________
Please read this before posting as it may answer some of your questions:
If you use the search bar at the top of Reddit and make sure it’s set to lupus, it will search just the subreddit for your keywords. That way you can get the full breadth of questions and answers. This isn’t to say that you can’t ask questions in the general forum.
ANA tests
Positive ANA does not equal lupus! While more of a rule out screening (negative ANA = very unlikely to have SLE). Upwards of 15-20% of healthy individuals in the population at large will have a positive ANA. Only about 10-15% of people who have a positive ANA will later be diagnosed with SLE.Tests used in diagnosing lupus
- anti-dsDNA - anti-Double Strand DNA is sometimes automatically tested for, but may need to be ordered separately. This test, when highly positive (2-3 times max cut off at least) is almost exclusively seen in SLE. However, only about 30% of SLE patients have this antibody. It's great if it's there to confirm diagnosis, it does not rule out diagnosis if it is absent.
- ENA Panel - Extractable Nuclear Antigen panel, usually automatically done if ANA comes back positive
- anti-Sm - Anti-Smith. Typically included in the ENA panel. This is another antibody, that when highly positive, almost always means SLE, but only about 25% of SLE patients have this antibody.
- RNP - Anti-Ribonucleoprotein. Typically included in the ENA panel
- anti-chromatin - Anti-chromatin is a relative newcomer in diagnostic testing for SLE and probably will NOT be ordered automatically. Its exact utility in diagnosis is still being determined.
- Apl panel - Antiphospholipid Antibody Panel, which consists of 3 tests:
- LA - lupus anticoagulant
- aCL - anti-cardiolipin antibodies
- Anti-β2GP - anti-beta 2-glycoprotien antibodies
- CBC - Complete Blood Count, some abnormalities in WBC, RBC and PLT counts can be significant.
- CMP - Comprehensive Metabolic Panel, here the doctors are generally looking for kidney dysfunction (GFR, BUN/CR).
- ESR - Erythrocyte Sedimentation Rate, this is a nonspecific inflammation marker.
- CRP- C-Reactive Protein, another nonspecific inflammation marker.
- C3 - Compliment C3
- C4 - Compliment C4
- CH50 - Compliments, Total, these are part of the compliment system, which is a tertiary part of the immune system.
Diagnostic Process
ACR Diagnostic Criteria on lupus wikiThe rheumatologist/PCP will take a detailed history. I highly recommend writing down as many of your symptoms as possible, especially focusing on the symptoms you have that are in the American College of Rheumatology diagnostic criteria for lupus - see link above.
Include all your symptoms, but I would make those at the top of the list. Write down how long they’ve been going on, anything that makes them better or worse, and how much they impact your life. Do they prevent you from dressing yourself, eating/cooking, bathing yourself, doing hobbies, meeting your obligations?
ANA varies from person to person and doesn’t necessarily correlate with disease activity. Anti-dsDNA is more indicative of disease activity and can be elevated prior to and during a flare. Symptoms can also come and go, and over time you may develop additional symptoms. If you scroll through the last week of posts or so, there are a few posts that will have pretty detailed answers to your questions from multiple community members so you can get a better sense of just how full on fickle lupus can be.
Here are some good posts, one is other people experiences in general, the others are rashes (warning: some are particularly severe):
User community diagnosis experiences
This is a malar rash
Photosensitive Lupus Rash
SLE Malar rash
QUESTIONS ARE LIMITED TO 400 WORDS
- Shorter questions get more feedback
- Use ChatGPT to summarize your question if you don't know what to leave out
2024.06.02 05:32 Careful_Target_6753 Advice for Upcoming Doctor’s Appointment
Are GI doctors are more receptive to the condition than others? I’ve seen many doctors who ignore my symptoms and say nothing is physically wrong with me. The last one told me that they wouldn’t diagnose me with TMAU based off of symptoms and referred me to a geneticist. I finally have an appointment with a geneticist and I want them to take me seriously. I know that I should ask to be tested for TMAU but what other possible conditions could I have? I want to make sure that I am prepared and seen knowledgeable so this doctor cannot dismiss me. It took months for me to get this appointment 😭 I’ve been being misdiagnosed for having BV because I’m a woman. So I was taking antibiotics for years for no reason. But everywhere I go people are complaining about my smell or looking at me like I am the dirtiest person ever. I’m tired of my concerns being made fun of or dismissed by doctors. People have been telling me that I stank since I was in elementary school. My aunt also nicknamed me garbage can at a certain age and I was like wtf. My urine and feces always smell like fish. I also can smell like a pungent fishy odor from my sweat in the mornings. Any advice would be helpful because I am experiencing hardships with jobs and recently got fired because of my odor. I’m only 25 and feel like my odor controls my life atp.
submitted by Careful_Target_6753 to TMAU [link] [comments]
2024.06.02 05:16 PerfectBread28 Sign the urge to research Tirz for PCOS petition!
I was scouring the internet to see if there’s been any legit medical research or clinical trials evaluating the treatment efficacy of Tirz for PCOS. Unsurprisingly, there isn’t much. And Eli Lilly has come out and said they haven’t sponsored any (unknown if they plan to). But they’re sure quick to sponsor trials researching other conditions, like fatty liver disease.
I stumbled upon this Change.org petition…. it’s halfway to goal. I’m begging everyone here to sign it!! The more noise we make, maybe Eli Lilly will take us seriously.
https://www.change.org/p/urge-lilly-novo-nordisk-to-research-tirzepatide-semaglutide-use-for-pcos-symptoms
An FDA approval would mean insurance companies would cover the drug for those who suffer from PCOS without T2D, making this life altering medicine cheaper for us.
submitted by PerfectBread28 to TirzepatidePCOS [link] [comments]
I stumbled upon this Change.org petition…. it’s halfway to goal. I’m begging everyone here to sign it!! The more noise we make, maybe Eli Lilly will take us seriously.
https://www.change.org/p/urge-lilly-novo-nordisk-to-research-tirzepatide-semaglutide-use-for-pcos-symptoms
An FDA approval would mean insurance companies would cover the drug for those who suffer from PCOS without T2D, making this life altering medicine cheaper for us.
2024.06.02 05:08 Dried_mint Private clinic/rheumathologist in Montréal?
This is my first post, so I'm sorry if it's a bit wonky. Also my native language is French, so sorry for any mistakes, I'm posting in English hoping for more answers.
TLDR; I have chronic joints pain and dizziness, chronic fatigue and I'm tired of waiting in the public health system, my pain is just getting worse, so I'm looking into private clinics. Looking for recommendations. Full story below, if anyone is interested...
So long story short, my friend suggested I posted here after seeing situations a bit similar too mine. I've been having a lot of pain since I was a child, then it evolved in chronic knee pain when I was 12 (I'm now 22), that is now also affecting my wrists and hips. I saw doctors, tell my GP about it each appointment, but all they ever did was recommend physio, go for blood tests and X-Rays. My CRP is a bit over the "normal" limit but my doctor just... don't seem to bother. My X-Rays are clean. I had to get surgery after a bad fall in gymnastics, and my patellas were quite damaged but then again, they just sand it and closed me up!
Last year I picked up physical therapy again after a very bad flare up. My PT looked at me for 5 minutes, looked at my gait, and was like "yup, I think I know what's wrong". This PT is an angel, first professional to believe me. She wrote TWO letters to my doctor about my condition before my doctor called me back. She just refered me to a sport doctor at Laval University (I'm in Québec city but willing to go up to Montréal for treatment) who just took x-rays and blood tests... All "normal". My PT told me about Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which is what she thinks I might have, as it explains all my symptoms.
As mentionned earlier, my pain is just getting worse and worse. Last flare, I could barely move my leg without pain. I can't sew anymore without my wrists popping out of place. I feel unsafe in my body because of how dizzy and unstable I feel. My doctor gave me a referal for a rheumathologist last december, but put me as the lowest priority, so I might as well wait another full year... Hence why I'm looking into private clinics, hoping to speed things up. I feel so hopeless, I'm lowkey wishing to get worse or thiking of hurting myself to be believed haha.
Welp if you made it this far, thanks for reading and thanks for the recommandations.
submitted by Dried_mint to montreal [link] [comments]
TLDR; I have chronic joints pain and dizziness, chronic fatigue and I'm tired of waiting in the public health system, my pain is just getting worse, so I'm looking into private clinics. Looking for recommendations. Full story below, if anyone is interested...
So long story short, my friend suggested I posted here after seeing situations a bit similar too mine. I've been having a lot of pain since I was a child, then it evolved in chronic knee pain when I was 12 (I'm now 22), that is now also affecting my wrists and hips. I saw doctors, tell my GP about it each appointment, but all they ever did was recommend physio, go for blood tests and X-Rays. My CRP is a bit over the "normal" limit but my doctor just... don't seem to bother. My X-Rays are clean. I had to get surgery after a bad fall in gymnastics, and my patellas were quite damaged but then again, they just sand it and closed me up!
Last year I picked up physical therapy again after a very bad flare up. My PT looked at me for 5 minutes, looked at my gait, and was like "yup, I think I know what's wrong". This PT is an angel, first professional to believe me. She wrote TWO letters to my doctor about my condition before my doctor called me back. She just refered me to a sport doctor at Laval University (I'm in Québec city but willing to go up to Montréal for treatment) who just took x-rays and blood tests... All "normal". My PT told me about Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which is what she thinks I might have, as it explains all my symptoms.
As mentionned earlier, my pain is just getting worse and worse. Last flare, I could barely move my leg without pain. I can't sew anymore without my wrists popping out of place. I feel unsafe in my body because of how dizzy and unstable I feel. My doctor gave me a referal for a rheumathologist last december, but put me as the lowest priority, so I might as well wait another full year... Hence why I'm looking into private clinics, hoping to speed things up. I feel so hopeless, I'm lowkey wishing to get worse or thiking of hurting myself to be believed haha.
Welp if you made it this far, thanks for reading and thanks for the recommandations.
2024.06.02 04:56 imsotilted New health issues in friends, family, etc.
A friend of mine told me his girlfriend has been fainting, blood pressure issues. POTS maybe, I told her about the condition. She said her doctor told her about it. Was about a week ago. My friend and dad told me they haven’t really been 100% since COVID. A streamer I watch took his wife to the hospital yesterday. She’s been having health issues since February. For her case, “doctors and medical professionals don’t know what’s causing her issues.” I don’t know specifically what her symptoms are, but she’s undiagnosed for months now and whatever her symptoms may be, they’re bad enough to go to the hospital.
These are just the ones I noticed. Just a gut feeling that there’s a lot more going on than people realize.
submitted by imsotilted to covidlonghaulers [link] [comments]
These are just the ones I noticed. Just a gut feeling that there’s a lot more going on than people realize.
2024.06.02 04:56 Anvj Solar injuries (2024 Eclipse)
 | I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced vision symptoms such as mine, which are: submitted by Anvj to solareclipse [link] [comments] Sensitivity to direct sunlight and reflections Astigmatism (streaks/halos) Floaters (strings/blurry specks/worms) Possible coloboma (perforation in iris) Possible corectopia (off-center iris) Possible retinal detachment During the solar eclipse I looked at the sun after totality for a few seconds unprotected. I also glimpsed at it a couple times inadvertently before totality and immediately put the solar glasses back on, when I noticed a bright blurry patch in my right eye (pictured) about where the darkened area in the top left is. Obviously it wasn't my plan to look at partial coverage unprotected and I did have adequate solar glasses that I used the rest of the time and didn't notice this afterward. I rested my eyes as much as possible while I was on the trip to Ohio where I saw the eclipse for the next 2 or 3 days and noted a mild discomfort and minor headaches, but had no problems driving 8 hours home. I noticed the main symptoms about 4 or 5 days in when I went back to work and could no longer look at cars because the sun glare from them would leave streaks from my retinas being overexposed, which hadn't been an issue the days before when I was driving to and from the trip I took to see it or the day or two after. I went to work for the next few days after initially noticing this and things only seemed to worsen. I sceduled an eye exam and rested my eyes as much as I could before my appointment with an eye clinic I found near where I worked. The following days I drove with polarized sunglasses (unsure if they are UV blocking), drank more water and intermittently took fish oil pills, which might be in vain but I figured it couldn't hurt. 11 days after the exposure I noticed an increase in eye floaters and I decided to research what could cause them and learned a lot about how the eyes actually work. Floaters can often be caused by the gel-like substance that fills the eye clumping up and solidifying, causing small, blurry streaks that look kind of like an out-of-focus hair in your vision, although they may be precursors to other conditions. They are common, I've noticed them now and again since I was a child, and they're often associated with normal changes in the eyes and typically don't last very long. However, I hadn't noticed these ones until the past few weeks and have been around since. Before I had even visited the clinic, I thought I might have solar retinopathy, which is damage or inflammation of the light-sensitive tissue in the back of the eye, since that was one of the first results for web searches for "light sensitivity after eclipse". I didn't get examined until over 2 weeks (15 days) since the exposure, where I had a dilated eye exam that concluded I was nearsighted and was otherwise fine, with either minimal or no damage to my retinas. I was told if I hadn't noticed anything by this point it was unlikely I'd have issues later on. I've been nearsighted since I was a kid, and wore glasses for a short time, but decided to stop wearing them before 5th grade so I didn't think much of this. I'd read that most cases of sensitivity are resolved after a couple weeks and thought mine might just take longer. Between days 22 and 41 I still continued to report symptoms of sensitivity, floaters and astigmatism more extreme than it had been just a month ago, and had to drive with sunglasses on as it was often the only way I could handle reflections off auto glass and paint unless it was cloudy. The floaters hadn't been too bad by this point so I didn't have any cause for concern about them, and I thought they might be fading. Most of the time they aren't noticeable. A couple days ago I decided to research my symptoms of sensitivity and astigmatism again. I found this can be associated with a damaged iris. After a visual analysis (looking in the sunvisor mirror of my car) a full 6 weeks after exposure, I saw that there was a lightened ring in my iris and some groups of the stroma (strands) looked broken/split and white which I hadn't noticed until now. The patch where I saw the bright spot suring the eclipse is in the same place as the darkened area in the top right above the pupil in the first image, though this could be totally normal. I'd been looking at my eyes in the mirror trying to denote any changes for the past couple weeks and never noticed this before, though I'm not really sure what I was looking for in my eyes to begin with. An older photo of my eye (second image) from February shows a somewhat drastic difference, at least in my opinion. I've also been having this twitching sensation a couple days prior to this discovery, which I theorized might be the stoma breaking, although I have very little to otherwise back this as I've only just begun recording this specific symptom and taking pictures of my eyes a few days ago. My pupilary (inneunder) stroma seem to take up more area of my eye than they did before and are darker, but this could be a lighting thing. I took the first photo in my bathroom and the other during late afternoon in a car. My pupil might also be off-center in both photos which I've just realized. Most recently I've been been noticing light flashes, usually quick phases of certain colors in my peripherals, which can be a symptom of retinal detachment (though the visit with the optometrist suggested this wasn't likely), and I haven't experienced other symptoms associated with it like blind/black spots or curtain vision (darkened peripherals). Sometimes I'll get a general discomfort/mild ache/"weird" feeling in my eyes. Sometimes they'd feel like they were strained like I'd been looking at a screen too long, others like they had something in them, and sometimes oddly cold or unusually warm. Sometimes I had a sensation where it feels itchy or twitchy, or causes me to reflexively blink. Though this comes and goes they are some of the newest symptoms and may be concurrent with damage to the iris. As I write this I can notice a slight blurring around some of the text and my eyes take a little longer to focus but can still read, type and see just fine with no central vision defects or color distortion. I'm really unsure how to go about this. Am I set to lose my vision? Could this just be a minor but permanent situation? Is there anything I can do to treat/negate it? I'm only 20 years old and likely not able to afford surgery since I don't have vision coverage in my health insurance, but if it's my only option I may just have to look into it more. I've also read that the iris can heal over time, but I haven't seen a ton of evidence. I may just have to live with it without treatment and hope it doesn't progress any further. It may just be that I'm having intense anxiety about this, that I'll probably be fine and it's "all in my head" as the astigmatism and nearsightedness may have been preexisting and I'm imagining some of these, however I still feel my symptoms could be very real and might require attention. As much as I want to say things have improved, I'm not sure whether or not that's true or if I've just learned to ignore it most of the time. I wanted to ask the community to see if anyone happens to have noticed a similar progression of symptoms or have similar conditions and how they've treated it if at all. I figured the best thing I can do is document my experience in case anyone else has any symptoms similar to mine. I'm not sure who else to talk to so any guidance, advice, suggestions, help or information is greatly appreciated. I'll update this if anything major changes. TL;DR - I looked at the sun past totality for a few seconds and now sun glare is extra mean to me and I have floaters and astigmatism. Does anyone else have or know of eye injuries from the eclipse and what they are like? |
2024.06.02 04:13 fro60ol New member to this group
I was haveing some issues in the winter short of breath kind of stuff nothing crazy. On 1-19 I got to shovel my driveway. Get done come back inside my heart rate is still over 150bbm like 45 min after I was done. I take a BP as well and it was high. 184/99 then 10 min later 192/101. At that point I am like I need to go to the hospital. I get there they do all the tests the d-dhlimar comes back negative all 3 times. They go we want to hold you till Monday so we can do a cardio catheterization I go fine. Even tho I was super not thrilled being up with they do that. They said to ask for more meds when you feel île you need them, and belive me I asked a ton. Anyway that goes smoothly. After that test, you need to lay down for about six hours in order to make sure that your groin clots. My time passes I get up go to the bathroom have no issues come back to my bed. I’m standing next to my bed. I’ll eat something. It’s been a while since I’ve eaten because of the procedure so I figured I’d start off with something light with an Italian ice. They gave me on my try. And next thing I know, I am asking the person next to me to call the nurse because I was going down
I passed out cold woke up on the floor with a ton of people around me asking questions, taking blood and other measurements. They finally get me to a point where they’re gonna help me up and get back into the hospital bed we go to do that. I can’t put any weight on my ankle at all. My leg is actually killing me four days later. I am headed home as I am home my leg progressively worse. I couldn’t even have a sheet brush up against it. Finally go to the emergency room. I was complaining of not being able to keep food down for two days so they do a CT scan of my lowercase and abdomen to rule out any blockages.
During that test, it was revealed that I have a large pulmonary embolism in the lung. My right leg as well, and there were four or five clots in the leg as well. So I’ve been being treated for the PE and the other clots I’ve been being treated with warfarin.
It has been a super scary time. I found out a few weeks after I was released from the hospital that the PE in my lung was massive and that there was a good chance that I could have died multiple multiple people have said I told them what I had were well you were lucky one.
Edit— I did break my ankle and tibia when I passed out
submitted by fro60ol to ClotSurvivors [link] [comments]
I passed out cold woke up on the floor with a ton of people around me asking questions, taking blood and other measurements. They finally get me to a point where they’re gonna help me up and get back into the hospital bed we go to do that. I can’t put any weight on my ankle at all. My leg is actually killing me four days later. I am headed home as I am home my leg progressively worse. I couldn’t even have a sheet brush up against it. Finally go to the emergency room. I was complaining of not being able to keep food down for two days so they do a CT scan of my lowercase and abdomen to rule out any blockages.
During that test, it was revealed that I have a large pulmonary embolism in the lung. My right leg as well, and there were four or five clots in the leg as well. So I’ve been being treated for the PE and the other clots I’ve been being treated with warfarin.
It has been a super scary time. I found out a few weeks after I was released from the hospital that the PE in my lung was massive and that there was a good chance that I could have died multiple multiple people have said I told them what I had were well you were lucky one.
Edit— I did break my ankle and tibia when I passed out
2024.06.02 03:37 imahugemoron For those that have tried low dose naltrexone, what were the things you noticed when you started taking it?
Did it make you worse at first? What were the side effects? Was your usual symptoms immediately affected or did it take a while? What type of symptoms do you have and which did it help/make worse? Anything else you experienced with this medication?
Just a few things about myself, my main symptom is a constant burning pressure in my head for over 2 years, a few secondary things are tinnitus, gastrointestinal issues, and brain fog.
I’m starting at 1.5 mg of naltrexone. I’m currently in a bad flare and I’m hesitant to try the medication til it passes, I’m just very afraid of how it might affect me while I’m in a flare. I realize it could help with my flare but I’m also terrified that if it makes my condition any worse or more difficult to deal with at first, I can’t handle that at the moment while my symptoms are out of control. So I think I’ll have to wait til the flare is over before I try the naltrexone, even despite the possibility of it helping.
submitted by imahugemoron to covidlonghaulers [link] [comments]
Just a few things about myself, my main symptom is a constant burning pressure in my head for over 2 years, a few secondary things are tinnitus, gastrointestinal issues, and brain fog.
I’m starting at 1.5 mg of naltrexone. I’m currently in a bad flare and I’m hesitant to try the medication til it passes, I’m just very afraid of how it might affect me while I’m in a flare. I realize it could help with my flare but I’m also terrified that if it makes my condition any worse or more difficult to deal with at first, I can’t handle that at the moment while my symptoms are out of control. So I think I’ll have to wait til the flare is over before I try the naltrexone, even despite the possibility of it helping.
2024.06.02 03:26 MulberryPleasant1287 First true ex-Mormon blog: need support!
I’m ready to share this on my social media but honestly a little nervous about the backlash.
Can I get some honest feedback?
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Unpopular opinion: modest is not hottest
If you grew up in a controlling religion in the 90s or early 2000s, you may have heard this phrase before: modest is hottest.
If you never heard this phrase, you are in for a wild ride.
Watch 30 seconds of this women-shaming video and you’ll understand the culture I was raised in: https://youtu.be/jeiVw1X_-Lc?si=PdKwOFAw2QDTEj_D
So much cringe. I honestly can’t decide which is worst: -the entire video shames women for tattoos and clothing choices, explicitly saying they aren’t worthy of marriage -an adult thought this was worth sharing -these boys wrote and practiced this -their local church agreed so much (taught them this) that they put their name on the video and thought nothing wrong of it
Modest isn’t hottest.
Well yes, it actually is the hottest. Cover up your entire body in the summer and you might be uncomfortable. There might be health risks. You might pass out.
I know from experience.
I will never forget. I was about 5 months pregnant. I would break out in unbearable sweats any time of day. It was completely unpredictable, except that it happened a lot.
I was adamant that I was going to stay modest. I was going to keep gods commandments. I was not going to show my shoulders or wear shorts or dresses that went above my knees.
I lived in fear of living immodest. Only a few years earlier, I watched as local women in my congregation struggled with heat flashes menopause. It was expected of them to maintain their modesty through these medical health conditions. As a nurse, it bothered me. This did not seem safe. They were miserable.
So I followed their example and I struggled too. I drank plenty of water, I still got hot, sweaty and dizzy. More than a few times, I had to lay down, elevate my feet and cool off.
My husband had no problem expressing his frustration with me. I needed to wear less clothing. Who was I to risk our unborn child’s wellbeing? Who cares if my shoulders are showing? His number one concern was my safety and our unborn child’s safety.
I wouldn’t say it out loud at the time, but I perceived the situation very differently. I was staying modest but God was not blessing me for this choice. It felt like God was testing me and punishing me. How could I keep his commandments and protect my unborn child at the same time?
Why would a loving God do this to me?
Like Eve, I was forced to make a decision between two choices that contradicted each other. It wasn’t possible for me to honor God without risking my health. I had to make a choice. And after I was forced to see a cardiologist due to my symptoms, I gave up on the modesty.
I wore sleeveless tops. I wore shorter dresses.
And the hot flashes were less often and a lot more tolerable. And yet I was conflicted again.
I wasn’t hustling downtown but I was wearing immodest clothing. And it was such a moral issue for me.
Please take a moment and think about that.
My religious programming was “modest is hottest”. I made covenants that I would not bare my shoulders or wear clothing shorter than my knee.
Yet I had to do these things to maintain a healthy pregnancy.
And, as a fully grown adult, I felt guilt and shame about this.
I felt unworthy. I was shamed. I felt dirty.
And believe you me, I felt the judgement at church.
There’s no “medical exemption” for modest clothing in most religions. Just baseless, uninformed male-led judgement and questioning why God is punishing you for not being able to withstand the physical demands of the covenant.
And it’s deeply psychologically damaging. This is what led me to question my religion. I believed in the dogma so much that I was willing to risk my health and our unborn’s son health. Over the length of my sleeves. It’s embarrassing to me now that I struggled so much with that decision. It should have been an easy call.
Th health and safety of both my child and myself should have been my first priority. Not fear of God’s wrath for wearing less clothing.
I now live in Central Florida, where it is hot year round.
I am often reminding my children to dress for the weather: shorts, short sleeves, hats and often tank tops.
My four year old loves fashion. She’ll change outfits in the middle of the day just because she can. And some of the outfits she comes up with are questionable. Her favorite shirt right now is a long sleeve white shirt with black stripes. It reminds her of her favorite cartoon character.
It’s now June and it’s over 90 all day. It’s over 100 in the middle of the day. It doesn’t cool down to 95 until after dinner.
So when she comes out with shorts and this long sleeve top, I have to bargain with her to put a short sleeve or tank top on if we are going to go outside.
I frequently think about how ironic this is.
I was shamed (not by my parents, but by the church and the adults teaching me these insane “principles”) that my worth was dependent on my obedience to wearing modest clothing.
And here I am reminding my daughter it’s hot and due to safety, we need to dress appropriately.
If anyone tries to shame or sexualize my daughter, I am not hesitant to advise them where the shame belongs: on them.
Purity culture is no different. I’ll have a full blog on how damaging that teaching is and why I’m teaching my daughter (and my son) that virginity is a myth. It’s a teaching intentionally designed to damage women with the sole purpose to make men feel good about themselves.
Just like “modest is hottest”.
What other religious or cultural teachings have you outgrown or unlearned as adults?
How are you purposely raising your children differently?
submitted by MulberryPleasant1287 to exmormon [link] [comments]
Can I get some honest feedback?
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Unpopular opinion: modest is not hottest
If you grew up in a controlling religion in the 90s or early 2000s, you may have heard this phrase before: modest is hottest.
If you never heard this phrase, you are in for a wild ride.
Watch 30 seconds of this women-shaming video and you’ll understand the culture I was raised in: https://youtu.be/jeiVw1X_-Lc?si=PdKwOFAw2QDTEj_D
So much cringe. I honestly can’t decide which is worst: -the entire video shames women for tattoos and clothing choices, explicitly saying they aren’t worthy of marriage -an adult thought this was worth sharing -these boys wrote and practiced this -their local church agreed so much (taught them this) that they put their name on the video and thought nothing wrong of it
Modest isn’t hottest.
Well yes, it actually is the hottest. Cover up your entire body in the summer and you might be uncomfortable. There might be health risks. You might pass out.
I know from experience.
I will never forget. I was about 5 months pregnant. I would break out in unbearable sweats any time of day. It was completely unpredictable, except that it happened a lot.
I was adamant that I was going to stay modest. I was going to keep gods commandments. I was not going to show my shoulders or wear shorts or dresses that went above my knees.
I lived in fear of living immodest. Only a few years earlier, I watched as local women in my congregation struggled with heat flashes menopause. It was expected of them to maintain their modesty through these medical health conditions. As a nurse, it bothered me. This did not seem safe. They were miserable.
So I followed their example and I struggled too. I drank plenty of water, I still got hot, sweaty and dizzy. More than a few times, I had to lay down, elevate my feet and cool off.
My husband had no problem expressing his frustration with me. I needed to wear less clothing. Who was I to risk our unborn child’s wellbeing? Who cares if my shoulders are showing? His number one concern was my safety and our unborn child’s safety.
I wouldn’t say it out loud at the time, but I perceived the situation very differently. I was staying modest but God was not blessing me for this choice. It felt like God was testing me and punishing me. How could I keep his commandments and protect my unborn child at the same time?
Why would a loving God do this to me?
Like Eve, I was forced to make a decision between two choices that contradicted each other. It wasn’t possible for me to honor God without risking my health. I had to make a choice. And after I was forced to see a cardiologist due to my symptoms, I gave up on the modesty.
I wore sleeveless tops. I wore shorter dresses.
And the hot flashes were less often and a lot more tolerable. And yet I was conflicted again.
I wasn’t hustling downtown but I was wearing immodest clothing. And it was such a moral issue for me.
Please take a moment and think about that.
My religious programming was “modest is hottest”. I made covenants that I would not bare my shoulders or wear clothing shorter than my knee.
Yet I had to do these things to maintain a healthy pregnancy.
And, as a fully grown adult, I felt guilt and shame about this.
I felt unworthy. I was shamed. I felt dirty.
And believe you me, I felt the judgement at church.
There’s no “medical exemption” for modest clothing in most religions. Just baseless, uninformed male-led judgement and questioning why God is punishing you for not being able to withstand the physical demands of the covenant.
And it’s deeply psychologically damaging. This is what led me to question my religion. I believed in the dogma so much that I was willing to risk my health and our unborn’s son health. Over the length of my sleeves. It’s embarrassing to me now that I struggled so much with that decision. It should have been an easy call.
Th health and safety of both my child and myself should have been my first priority. Not fear of God’s wrath for wearing less clothing.
I now live in Central Florida, where it is hot year round.
I am often reminding my children to dress for the weather: shorts, short sleeves, hats and often tank tops.
My four year old loves fashion. She’ll change outfits in the middle of the day just because she can. And some of the outfits she comes up with are questionable. Her favorite shirt right now is a long sleeve white shirt with black stripes. It reminds her of her favorite cartoon character.
It’s now June and it’s over 90 all day. It’s over 100 in the middle of the day. It doesn’t cool down to 95 until after dinner.
So when she comes out with shorts and this long sleeve top, I have to bargain with her to put a short sleeve or tank top on if we are going to go outside.
I frequently think about how ironic this is.
I was shamed (not by my parents, but by the church and the adults teaching me these insane “principles”) that my worth was dependent on my obedience to wearing modest clothing.
And here I am reminding my daughter it’s hot and due to safety, we need to dress appropriately.
If anyone tries to shame or sexualize my daughter, I am not hesitant to advise them where the shame belongs: on them.
Purity culture is no different. I’ll have a full blog on how damaging that teaching is and why I’m teaching my daughter (and my son) that virginity is a myth. It’s a teaching intentionally designed to damage women with the sole purpose to make men feel good about themselves.
Just like “modest is hottest”.
What other religious or cultural teachings have you outgrown or unlearned as adults?
How are you purposely raising your children differently?
2024.06.02 01:38 MeanDebate Anyone else with a split household in mixed roles? GC here, SG there?
If your parents are divorced, is your role in the family system consistent between the two households? I'm just now realizing that while I was the scapegoat in one, I've been the golden child in the other without ever realizing it and I don't know what to think or do.
I'm very sorry for the long post, I can't figure out which details matter and which don't.
My parents split up when I was two. My dad was my mom's second husband, and I was her only kid. My mom was my dad's third wife, and I was his third kid. I grew up with my mom, occasional visits with my dad.
My mom was a narcissist who (like most of them, I'm realizing) treated me like a favorite pet until I hit ten years old and became something more than an extension of her. Unfortunately, this is also roughly the time she began showing symptoms of late-onset paranoid schizophrenia, which runs in her family.
It went about as badly as you can imagine. I don't want to go into details but it went from "you're a mean child and an ungrateful monster who will never be as smart as me" to "you're working with the local government and the HOA and your father and Kaiser to spy on me and try and take my house". It was a living nightmare, just her and me, and gaslighting to make herself look better became gaslighting because she heard voices no one else did. Violence went from a punishment to unpredictable rage during fits of psychosis.
My two half-brothers are almost twenty years older than me, and I only got to meet them a handful of times as a child because my mom hated them and my father. I was only allowed to leave the house for court-mandated visits and school, so obviously I absolutely loved both. I excelled in school (other than homework I couldn't do without Internet and attendance) and worshipped my dad.
When I was 17, she had started threatening to kill me and herself. I woke up to her watching me through the place where my doorknob used to be. I moved out and got a cousin to cosign on an apartment for me and a slightly older classmate. She killed herself and our pet bunny a few years later. That was about ten years ago now.
My dad was the opposite. He always had gifts for me, couldn't say enough how smart and pretty and kind and so on I was, talked me up to everyone he met. I thought my mom was the only abuser and that my dad just made the mistake of falling into her clutches and couldn't get me out too when he left. I'm disabled as a result of my mother's parenting and some genetic predispositions.
One of my brothers lives in another state and doesn't talk to any of us. I only met him three times, so he's always been a mystery to me. My other brother hasn't worked for more than fifteen years, has some serious addictions, and has a criminal record involving stealing and selling drugs. Despite that, I can honestly say he's the kindest, most patient and loving person I have ever met in my life.
In the last year, that brother and I have gotten a lot closer as he's been taking care of our dad. And I'm realizing, to my absolute horror, that for my brothers' entire adult lives they've been treated like shit by our dad while having to hear about how wonderful I am. Every time one of them has asked him for help, they've had to hear about how I never ask for anything and my job and my academic accomplishments and so on.
I've learned more about their childhoods before I was born, and I'm realizing that I became the favorite for our dad because my mother had conditioned me to never, ever, ever ask for anything. I worshipped our dad for the few hours a week I saw him because he was nice to me, and it's easy to be nice to someone who worships you for a few hours a week. I succeeded in school and career stuff because it was the only place I was ever told anything about me was good or worthwhile and because I was desperate to survive.
It never occurred to me to ask what had happened to my brothers to put them where they were. I had always low-key resented them for having been able to grow up without being afraid their mom was going to kill them in their sleep. I had assumed without ever asking that my dad was as nice to them as he was to me, but full-time rather than on visitation days. And I had been angry and hurt that neither of them had ever tried to help me, despite being full-grown adults themselves while I was a child with no legal rights living in a house where I was not always allowed to eat or bathe and where I was constantly terrified.
Now I learn they never knew any of that any more than I knew how our dad treated them. And as the younger of the two has been literally washing shit off of our dad and cooking for him and taking care of him despite being essentially homeless himself, I've heard for the first time how our dad talks to him. And it sounds so much like my mother that I've been physically sick after calls.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? From either side? I thought I was the only child scapegoat, and now I learn at nearly 30 that everything I did to survive my childhood has been used to hurt my older brothers.
submitted by MeanDebate to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
I'm very sorry for the long post, I can't figure out which details matter and which don't.
My parents split up when I was two. My dad was my mom's second husband, and I was her only kid. My mom was my dad's third wife, and I was his third kid. I grew up with my mom, occasional visits with my dad.
My mom was a narcissist who (like most of them, I'm realizing) treated me like a favorite pet until I hit ten years old and became something more than an extension of her. Unfortunately, this is also roughly the time she began showing symptoms of late-onset paranoid schizophrenia, which runs in her family.
It went about as badly as you can imagine. I don't want to go into details but it went from "you're a mean child and an ungrateful monster who will never be as smart as me" to "you're working with the local government and the HOA and your father and Kaiser to spy on me and try and take my house". It was a living nightmare, just her and me, and gaslighting to make herself look better became gaslighting because she heard voices no one else did. Violence went from a punishment to unpredictable rage during fits of psychosis.
My two half-brothers are almost twenty years older than me, and I only got to meet them a handful of times as a child because my mom hated them and my father. I was only allowed to leave the house for court-mandated visits and school, so obviously I absolutely loved both. I excelled in school (other than homework I couldn't do without Internet and attendance) and worshipped my dad.
When I was 17, she had started threatening to kill me and herself. I woke up to her watching me through the place where my doorknob used to be. I moved out and got a cousin to cosign on an apartment for me and a slightly older classmate. She killed herself and our pet bunny a few years later. That was about ten years ago now.
My dad was the opposite. He always had gifts for me, couldn't say enough how smart and pretty and kind and so on I was, talked me up to everyone he met. I thought my mom was the only abuser and that my dad just made the mistake of falling into her clutches and couldn't get me out too when he left. I'm disabled as a result of my mother's parenting and some genetic predispositions.
One of my brothers lives in another state and doesn't talk to any of us. I only met him three times, so he's always been a mystery to me. My other brother hasn't worked for more than fifteen years, has some serious addictions, and has a criminal record involving stealing and selling drugs. Despite that, I can honestly say he's the kindest, most patient and loving person I have ever met in my life.
In the last year, that brother and I have gotten a lot closer as he's been taking care of our dad. And I'm realizing, to my absolute horror, that for my brothers' entire adult lives they've been treated like shit by our dad while having to hear about how wonderful I am. Every time one of them has asked him for help, they've had to hear about how I never ask for anything and my job and my academic accomplishments and so on.
I've learned more about their childhoods before I was born, and I'm realizing that I became the favorite for our dad because my mother had conditioned me to never, ever, ever ask for anything. I worshipped our dad for the few hours a week I saw him because he was nice to me, and it's easy to be nice to someone who worships you for a few hours a week. I succeeded in school and career stuff because it was the only place I was ever told anything about me was good or worthwhile and because I was desperate to survive.
It never occurred to me to ask what had happened to my brothers to put them where they were. I had always low-key resented them for having been able to grow up without being afraid their mom was going to kill them in their sleep. I had assumed without ever asking that my dad was as nice to them as he was to me, but full-time rather than on visitation days. And I had been angry and hurt that neither of them had ever tried to help me, despite being full-grown adults themselves while I was a child with no legal rights living in a house where I was not always allowed to eat or bathe and where I was constantly terrified.
Now I learn they never knew any of that any more than I knew how our dad treated them. And as the younger of the two has been literally washing shit off of our dad and cooking for him and taking care of him despite being essentially homeless himself, I've heard for the first time how our dad talks to him. And it sounds so much like my mother that I've been physically sick after calls.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? From either side? I thought I was the only child scapegoat, and now I learn at nearly 30 that everything I did to survive my childhood has been used to hurt my older brothers.
2024.06.02 01:21 papajo_r Can't afford visiting a doctor but I need help probably have some sort of inflammation.
 | So I am a 35 yo male No issues that I know off (like I dont feel discomfort in my life other than some minor issue related maybe to fatty liver like I have a small gallbladder stone, have some reflux, my stool is not as hard as it used to and a light brown color and I suspect without having seen an expert that maybe my thyroid is either not "working" or almost not working ) submitted by papajo_r to DermatologyQuestions [link] [comments] And i may be prediabetic (last time I had my blood sugar taken it wasnt at the prediabetic level but was very close to it but since then I have some symptoms that may point to that but also could be due to my potential thyroid issue -I feel small symptoms such as chronic fatigue, insomnia, esy fat gain very hard fat loss, to body hair loss and numbness in my front thighs and maybe up to the muscle that come and go while I lie or stand up e.g doing the dishes) 220 kilos 183 cm No member of my family has alopecia my father starting losing e little bit of front hairline at his deep 50s (now he is 65) and that's when his hair started growing a little bit gray. I hat VERY thick hair on my scalp like every barber I can remember was telling that to me and it was indeed so but since my 23 I started to get lots of white hair and I lost tons of hair too (like I can block the sing on my shower easily and every time I shower) but I had lots of "supply" and I didnt seem to have an isue to others although me knowing how thick I was I can notice I lost more than 50% of my hair. And I started to lose a lot in the middle of my scalp and in the front also all my temples are gone (I just took this photo I am about to sleep and my hair are not combed and they are long and hiding the real extend of the issue its far worse than it looks here) https://preview.redd.it/gmvxwnh4j14d1.jpg?width=722&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5e94ab54e398570390b7d048d2827a4ed0c42b5c But that's like the symptom, I think I have some sort of condition because using a cheap Chinese mini microscope/camera I have I saw concerning stuff like every follicle in the area I start to get seriously bald looks like infected.. (also in general in the top scalp where I have the biggest issue on my sides I dont have the same issue) https://preview.redd.it/t6albzjpj14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2548c11849f70c1dbcc012c82f7e3868b3092cd3 https://preview.redd.it/iwqgokg1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=134523924be086776aba40904b00e50d747a4f75 https://preview.redd.it/vrodllg1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d17a27b763a9b93c59719be2fb564ced20d5caac https://preview.redd.it/0q4uq7h1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fde8701a89d4e180fca8d7314c93940c5c5b7939 https://preview.redd.it/8m0dhog1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f1d4a238eedb5d5b29c30e0e9186f50aa29d0152 https://preview.redd.it/yrm7rrg1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f88f9829d467f863c94a18f795b394ecdadb2ab9 https://preview.redd.it/arlling1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=20c9deee246f9125f0ec3773f3113f975533d310 https://preview.redd.it/ne7o9sg1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=89a5fa39c47d0171adcf8dc5cbb5ab5f912e6c24 https://preview.redd.it/r2n5fpg1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cb038e0733abfecf835015ebd27ade23db6887cb https://preview.redd.it/o9anosg1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fa8244a8bba5c7bae4defaa1627731828bd3bf0f https://preview.redd.it/d95s4og1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=924dd12a69cf748f224a27c8817657514962de4a https://preview.redd.it/9s69yog1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=61105de4e3ee18bd9e5de86ea4b2a0634e50aead https://preview.redd.it/tz2d3pg1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1d06d3885546bd9f8e467b5dd1693b9ca45daac0 https://preview.redd.it/6zri2xh1k14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ac9eb7ad42891dc75f4345521080e757c866fd0d While on the sides its more "normal" looking https://preview.redd.it/ofljfpyak14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6a374ae8bb103c84eef9d27d68fe04d5d8691c97 https://preview.redd.it/0qq33uzak14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d8098c90738cc1655b96d0a8e07a19c67a303c5f https://preview.redd.it/0814rgzak14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9deed2ebb0ffe4e3a5a0b4cdeb93192f4a8864c8 https://preview.redd.it/6bdq3yzak14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f00b439723fa324ea34c0e2419bb1295b7e069c2 https://preview.redd.it/196dxsyak14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=15c6fae96f77d30277e2eb6c7a87ac11a499c695 https://preview.redd.it/m8my7vzak14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49e93a1954388133240c1c19f53bf0d7d77443e5 https://preview.redd.it/yogjwwzak14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3632d208a09c99718009696f2baf3b1777f74b73 https://preview.redd.it/eqskuyzak14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=89a15a1f1c9c56e8d0340f1666cef5e72b2be232 https://preview.redd.it/8m6tdzzak14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=758a138812890d4c29acd5ab29f7d6ec495bc185 https://preview.redd.it/2wmg6wzak14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=480cc930a09a048a274af7e8353f22b1706f28bc https://preview.redd.it/7r6e3yzak14d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=63c2dcb60ec9e6651fae99351c566a22deaa4830 Also the hair is a lot thinner than what it used to be (I found an old hair of mine in a an old comb I had back when I was a student and left it in my mothers house and checked it with this camera and the hair was like for times thicker than what I have now also they are feeling like thin nylon fibers I mean they stretch almost like as if they are plastic now and tear or cut very easy) but even now the thinnest hair are on my scalp sideways my hair is about 1.5 to 2 times thicker I think I have a skin condition because I lose also hair in my body (half my thigh is smooth like a shaved woman's my feed dont have hair up to my ankles -while they used to have hair when younger and since I remember my self) my belly is bald around the belly button but has some hair around that bald ring.. (and it used to be all hair) my pubes are almost non existent and my hair loss started with them (it sounds funny but it is not I had girlfriends rejecting me because I used to lose so many publican hair during intercourse or in general e.g they used to find pubic hair of mine left and right ) and in general my skin looks like inflamed (tons of small red spots) these pics are form my HANDS now (all the others up until now where from my head ) https://i.imgur.com/fwdPPqi.jpg https://i.imgur.com/ihqdd1o.jpg also I get from time to time something like thick big (as in surface area almost as frostiest the cereal) but soft dandruff that's yellowish and the skin under it gets especially red but that comes and goes, now (while I took the above photos) I dont have it, but between my ears and the side of my head I gets lots of puss or oils and they get crusty I also started to get something that look like dandruff on my FACIAL hair.... like I never had that... I know its anti deontological but I really cant afford to visit a doctor especially someone who specializes and cares to cure me and doesnt see me like a burden or an easy buck.... Is there some sort of therapy and treatment I should try? please help. |
2024.06.02 01:02 HarmonyDragon It’s official…..this dose needs to be upped.
Two months ago my thyroid shrunk to being non existent or as I like to say the damn thing died on me finally. I was told that my endocrinologist wanted to wait 6 months instead of three to reevaluate my dosage of Levothyroxine and talk about a new treatment plan. Why? Because I am also smack dab in the biggest change I have had to this date with perimenopause, heading into late stage perimenopause (now being referred to as Cougar Puberty because that’s what it feels like…puberty all over again).
Two months….its been two months and already symptoms that were fully controlled or fully manageable on my current dose 100mcg are taking advantage and raising hell. Thankfully it’s one or two at a time unlike the first time they popped in for a visit only to end up staying. That time it was 4-6 within 6 months time spans until my proper dose locked them down and wouldn’t let them out.
But it’s official, despite what my numbers will say I need to go up at least one or two doses just to fully control all my symptoms that have not been eliminated. It doesn’t help either than my Levothyroxine is also working hard at locking down all my thyroid/Hashimoto’s symptoms that are shared with Cougar Puberty so a rise in dosage will even the playing field and help control both shared plus the ones taking advantage of the sudden changes going on. Bright side to this annoying transition period….if I bring up why I want a higher dose to my endocrinologist she will actually consider it instead of ignoring me.
I was placed with her by the head of the endocrinology department because I am in Cougar Puberty and this endocrinologist is now in the mist. of doing research on how thyroid conditions plus Cougar puberty affect her patients.
Now if I can only figure out the new limitations being set up by this new transition and what symptoms are fully eliminated, like that fucking goiter that started this whole mess, and which ones are still hanging out now that I have no more thyroid. I will be a little better off, still annoying/pushy/overbearing/informative/helpful/understanding mom to my daughter as she starts her own journey with Hashimoto’s but at least I will be back to my old “Hashimoto’s is a bitch” self because I will have figured out what I need to.
I know this seems small compared to most of what you all are going through but for me it’s a big deal. I also know compared to most my journey has been easy but I contribute that to my first endocrinologist’s bypassing surgery option and medicating me at 13. That right there was the best thing he could have done and did to prepare me for my journey.
Sorry for the rant. Just feeling insecure and overwhelmed right now. It’s been one thing after another since October 2023 and I can’t seem to catch up.
submitted by HarmonyDragon to Hashimotos [link] [comments]
Two months….its been two months and already symptoms that were fully controlled or fully manageable on my current dose 100mcg are taking advantage and raising hell. Thankfully it’s one or two at a time unlike the first time they popped in for a visit only to end up staying. That time it was 4-6 within 6 months time spans until my proper dose locked them down and wouldn’t let them out.
But it’s official, despite what my numbers will say I need to go up at least one or two doses just to fully control all my symptoms that have not been eliminated. It doesn’t help either than my Levothyroxine is also working hard at locking down all my thyroid/Hashimoto’s symptoms that are shared with Cougar Puberty so a rise in dosage will even the playing field and help control both shared plus the ones taking advantage of the sudden changes going on. Bright side to this annoying transition period….if I bring up why I want a higher dose to my endocrinologist she will actually consider it instead of ignoring me.
I was placed with her by the head of the endocrinology department because I am in Cougar Puberty and this endocrinologist is now in the mist. of doing research on how thyroid conditions plus Cougar puberty affect her patients.
Now if I can only figure out the new limitations being set up by this new transition and what symptoms are fully eliminated, like that fucking goiter that started this whole mess, and which ones are still hanging out now that I have no more thyroid. I will be a little better off, still annoying/pushy/overbearing/informative/helpful/understanding mom to my daughter as she starts her own journey with Hashimoto’s but at least I will be back to my old “Hashimoto’s is a bitch” self because I will have figured out what I need to.
I know this seems small compared to most of what you all are going through but for me it’s a big deal. I also know compared to most my journey has been easy but I contribute that to my first endocrinologist’s bypassing surgery option and medicating me at 13. That right there was the best thing he could have done and did to prepare me for my journey.
Sorry for the rant. Just feeling insecure and overwhelmed right now. It’s been one thing after another since October 2023 and I can’t seem to catch up.
2024.06.02 00:20 Assinthesky I F26 and my BF M27 are going through a rough patch. What is the thin line that separates being selfish and taking care of yourself?
Hello Reddit, I'm not really sure if I'm here to seek validation or advice, or maybe just a place to vent. I just feel like I'm being selfish and too demanding on my partner.. Also I would like to apologize for any run on sentences, my mind has been in a haze for the past week with this concern..
I (F26) have been with my boyfriend (M27) for 4 years this August. It was a relationship that started during the covid lockdown. Perhaps at that time, I was just looking for someone to talk to but it evolved into something deeper. I was happy and I felt like I had found someone who really understood and accepted me for who I was no matter how broken and flawed I was.
But I was straight with my expectations for this friendship turned relationship. I knew that I was careless with money but I was willing to go 50-50 on dates or even just having simple coffee dates which was really my thing. I don't really care for the extravagant out of town overnight dates but if it was thoroughly planned as a surprise, I would just as grateful and happy.
He too was straight with me, he was looking for a long term relationship and someone to be honest and straight with him, no beating around the bush or no bullshit kind of guy. Honestly, I needed someone like that in my life too. Sorry I'm rambling.
I am confident to say that I grew in this relationship. Before this one, I came from a 2 year relationship that ended with my partner cheating on me so I found it hard to trust someone else in that regard hence, I wasn't really looking for one (a relationship that is).
But after getting in this one, I learned how to compromise for spending time with each other because at that time, he was working a night shift job and I had a typical 9-5. Weekends was really our only time to spend time and since this started during lockdown, the good majority of us getting to know each other and being in a relationship was spent online.
I also learned to compromise with distance, since he is 2 cities away, in my country that is a good 2-3 hour commute to my place from his so I offered to meet him halfway.
Another thing I learned from this relationship is how to get along with someone of different views or preferences. Nothing too drastic that would cause serious fights, and thankfully we were morally aligned so nothing to worry about right?
But he seems to have taken the sentiment "cutting off all toxic people from your life" a little bit too extreme. It's gotten to the point that it was just me and his mom that he kept in his life. At first I thought that was romantic, like wow I'm literally his whole world. Me being an introvert that doesn't really like to go out to meet new people, I thought it was something really cute. But that didn't mean I didn't have any friends or family... He would get really jealous that I was more willing to plan spontaneous game nights or long night talks with my friends or cousins than with him despite his night shift schedule?? At first it was him being jealous and voicing out that he wanted to talk to me more but as the months went by of him calling me out for it, it ultimately led to him finally telling me that I'm all he has and so it hurts him that I'd rather spend my time with other people.
And I am no saint as well, sometimes I would cut my calls with him short because one of my girlfriends needed me or my cousin wanted to gossip and I knew he didn't like that... So I would try to make it up to him by planning dates or fun things to do while trying to stay sane in the lockdown. (In my country, we had extended lockdown which was longer than the rest of the world's for no good reason).
But we made it work. We communicated, voiced out our concerns and preferences and adapted to it. And I envisioned the rest of the issues we'd face down the line would be resolved the same way.
Now on to my current predicament. He makes me feel like I'm not doing enough in the relationship. That I don't put in as much effort as he does. We have always agreed to split the bill evenly in every date but recently, I have been paying the full cost of it because he's broke. He is broke because March of this year, he experienced heart attack symptoms which got him rushed to the ER. Fortunately (?), it was found that he wasn't experiencing a heart attack but just his heart working too hard... He was diagnosed with hypertension and all his savings went to hospital bills and medicine but when he was short, guess who had to come to the rescue... And I did that because I love him even if he is earning more than me, I wanted to help him as much as I can but I wasn't expecting to be drained both financially and emotionally. Because even after all that, he still demands that I drop everything I'm doing to call him and listen to his woes about being sick.
Now before anyone comments that I'm the bad guy for complaining about him getting sick. One of the things we agreed on when we got together is that he'd stop smoking, not because I don't like guys who smoke but because we both knew that it was a vice that could kill him one day. Hell his closest cousin whom he didn't cut off from his life, died from tuberculosis. So I would've thought that losing him was a big wake up call for him to quit. And he was able to stay sober for 3 years until a few months ago, before he got diagnosed with hypertension. He went back to smoking 2 packs a day as a stress reliever and never told me anything about it until I had to rush to the hospital when his doctor told his mom that he might have a possible blockage in his valve and might need surgery for it.. She of course called me and told me about it. Only then did he admit to me, his mother and hia doctor that he's been smoking 2 packs a day in the months leading up to his heart issue.
Well that was all the context that explains why I've been on edge till now. Because hardships really do bring out the worst in people. All his flaws that I've accepted as a part of him that I saw earlier in the relationship, just got enhanced with panic and paranoia that he got when he was diagnosed with hypertension. So much so that we almost broke up 4 times in a span of 3 months... All because of what he said were my shortcomings:
His response? "If you can't help me, maybe I'll just die then..."
Damn. If I wasn't so mentally, physically, emotionally tired, I would've totally seen this as manipulation to the extreme... But all the years spent molding me into instinctively giving him majority of my time and attention, and most importantly, I do love him. I folded and I rescinded everything I said.
Fast forward to now, he's more stable now and has adapted to a healthier lifestyle. He's overall happier now and finally he was able to apologize for the torment he put me through when he was sick. But the apology didn't feel sincere... It still somehow made me feel that he said sorry I exploded but I had to understand him BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE WHO GOT SICK NOT ME.
I'm really sorry for the long context. But I think my mind and my heart is tired and I want to let go... But how do I do that? I know it's going to be painful, but does it get better? What is the difference between being selfish and taking care of yourself?
submitted by Assinthesky to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I (F26) have been with my boyfriend (M27) for 4 years this August. It was a relationship that started during the covid lockdown. Perhaps at that time, I was just looking for someone to talk to but it evolved into something deeper. I was happy and I felt like I had found someone who really understood and accepted me for who I was no matter how broken and flawed I was.
But I was straight with my expectations for this friendship turned relationship. I knew that I was careless with money but I was willing to go 50-50 on dates or even just having simple coffee dates which was really my thing. I don't really care for the extravagant out of town overnight dates but if it was thoroughly planned as a surprise, I would just as grateful and happy.
He too was straight with me, he was looking for a long term relationship and someone to be honest and straight with him, no beating around the bush or no bullshit kind of guy. Honestly, I needed someone like that in my life too. Sorry I'm rambling.
I am confident to say that I grew in this relationship. Before this one, I came from a 2 year relationship that ended with my partner cheating on me so I found it hard to trust someone else in that regard hence, I wasn't really looking for one (a relationship that is).
But after getting in this one, I learned how to compromise for spending time with each other because at that time, he was working a night shift job and I had a typical 9-5. Weekends was really our only time to spend time and since this started during lockdown, the good majority of us getting to know each other and being in a relationship was spent online.
I also learned to compromise with distance, since he is 2 cities away, in my country that is a good 2-3 hour commute to my place from his so I offered to meet him halfway.
Another thing I learned from this relationship is how to get along with someone of different views or preferences. Nothing too drastic that would cause serious fights, and thankfully we were morally aligned so nothing to worry about right?
But he seems to have taken the sentiment "cutting off all toxic people from your life" a little bit too extreme. It's gotten to the point that it was just me and his mom that he kept in his life. At first I thought that was romantic, like wow I'm literally his whole world. Me being an introvert that doesn't really like to go out to meet new people, I thought it was something really cute. But that didn't mean I didn't have any friends or family... He would get really jealous that I was more willing to plan spontaneous game nights or long night talks with my friends or cousins than with him despite his night shift schedule?? At first it was him being jealous and voicing out that he wanted to talk to me more but as the months went by of him calling me out for it, it ultimately led to him finally telling me that I'm all he has and so it hurts him that I'd rather spend my time with other people.
And I am no saint as well, sometimes I would cut my calls with him short because one of my girlfriends needed me or my cousin wanted to gossip and I knew he didn't like that... So I would try to make it up to him by planning dates or fun things to do while trying to stay sane in the lockdown. (In my country, we had extended lockdown which was longer than the rest of the world's for no good reason).
But we made it work. We communicated, voiced out our concerns and preferences and adapted to it. And I envisioned the rest of the issues we'd face down the line would be resolved the same way.
Now on to my current predicament. He makes me feel like I'm not doing enough in the relationship. That I don't put in as much effort as he does. We have always agreed to split the bill evenly in every date but recently, I have been paying the full cost of it because he's broke. He is broke because March of this year, he experienced heart attack symptoms which got him rushed to the ER. Fortunately (?), it was found that he wasn't experiencing a heart attack but just his heart working too hard... He was diagnosed with hypertension and all his savings went to hospital bills and medicine but when he was short, guess who had to come to the rescue... And I did that because I love him even if he is earning more than me, I wanted to help him as much as I can but I wasn't expecting to be drained both financially and emotionally. Because even after all that, he still demands that I drop everything I'm doing to call him and listen to his woes about being sick.
Now before anyone comments that I'm the bad guy for complaining about him getting sick. One of the things we agreed on when we got together is that he'd stop smoking, not because I don't like guys who smoke but because we both knew that it was a vice that could kill him one day. Hell his closest cousin whom he didn't cut off from his life, died from tuberculosis. So I would've thought that losing him was a big wake up call for him to quit. And he was able to stay sober for 3 years until a few months ago, before he got diagnosed with hypertension. He went back to smoking 2 packs a day as a stress reliever and never told me anything about it until I had to rush to the hospital when his doctor told his mom that he might have a possible blockage in his valve and might need surgery for it.. She of course called me and told me about it. Only then did he admit to me, his mother and hia doctor that he's been smoking 2 packs a day in the months leading up to his heart issue.
Well that was all the context that explains why I've been on edge till now. Because hardships really do bring out the worst in people. All his flaws that I've accepted as a part of him that I saw earlier in the relationship, just got enhanced with panic and paranoia that he got when he was diagnosed with hypertension. So much so that we almost broke up 4 times in a span of 3 months... All because of what he said were my shortcomings:
- I was not being understanding enough about his condition. That paying for his hospital bill, meds and heart tests were nothing compared to the pain he's been feeling everyday and I should spend more of my time helping him feel like he's not alone in this suffering.
- That even if I had notified him ahead of time that I wanted time for myself for at least half a day, I should still be able to answer his call if he had a panic attack (this reason I would normally agree with had he only called when he was panicking and not every hour good god).
- That if I had planned to go out for dinner with my friends that I should get home as early as I can so I could make up for the time I missed because I was out spending time with others and not him...
- and that he wanted to see me more often cause he felt like he was dying but that meant me going to his house once a week during his off days but because I just changed jobs and my schedule was now night shift, I had work on his off days. He expected that I had enough energy to go visit him, spend a couple of hours with him, go back home to work (cause it's a WFH job) and still stay on the phone with him as I worked...
His response? "If you can't help me, maybe I'll just die then..."
Damn. If I wasn't so mentally, physically, emotionally tired, I would've totally seen this as manipulation to the extreme... But all the years spent molding me into instinctively giving him majority of my time and attention, and most importantly, I do love him. I folded and I rescinded everything I said.
Fast forward to now, he's more stable now and has adapted to a healthier lifestyle. He's overall happier now and finally he was able to apologize for the torment he put me through when he was sick. But the apology didn't feel sincere... It still somehow made me feel that he said sorry I exploded but I had to understand him BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE WHO GOT SICK NOT ME.
I'm really sorry for the long context. But I think my mind and my heart is tired and I want to let go... But how do I do that? I know it's going to be painful, but does it get better? What is the difference between being selfish and taking care of yourself?