Graffiti word friends

Hey yall so for context I got married a couple years back and moved states to my husbands hometown. It was extremely difficult moving at such a young age and not knowing anyone here and i really struggled in many aspects of my life the first year or two. This isn’t capturing the severity of it but I was rlly depressed lol. Not to mention we briefly lived with his parents (abt 8months) before literally escaping (and yes I use the word escape) and moving out. I am no contact with my husbands immediate family except occasionally seeing them at holidays and bigger family events and life is better and less stressful that way for all of us. I can get into the reasons why but I promise you it’s completely valid and it’s either no contact or I called the police and cps so I’ll leave it at that. That being said, I am extremely close to my husbands extended family. Especially his three cousins. Their mom is like a second mother to me and we live down the street from each other because of how close we all are. Or so I thought. One of his cousins (all my age or younger) decided to completely cut me off. And It was immediately noticeable because we all usually hang out regularly. Every weekend if not multiple times a week. We grab food sometimes or go out to the mall or school events or we just hang out at their house talking till late at night and having so much fun. I genuinely love these girls and felt like I finally had close friends for the first time in my life. We talk about our innermost thoughts, vent to each other, and just behave as a usual girl group of friends do and I absolutely loved it. They’re pretty much the only friends I have here despite having moved over three years ago and I never felt like I needed to find others because my new relatives provided me with such a great friendship. One of the girls (I’d say I was actually closest to her) decided to cut me off. And I noticed right away because no texts came weeks after she decided to stay silent at my bday dinner. The entire. Evening. . When I’d drop by the house like I always do she’d never come out her room. I heard her mom at one point yelling at her to come greet me at least and she refused. I ignored it but it really started to hurt me. Especially when their parents started asking why I haven’t been around like we usually hang out. I asked the other siblings and they brushed it off saying how weird we were being and we should just talk if something is bothering us or whatever. But I noticed they stopped reaching out as well. A few days ago it was her graduation ceremony. And despite us making plans for over a year about the bouquet she wanted me to make, decorating her huge grad party, all these things, I was not invited or even made aware of the event until they posted it. That was the ultimate slap since her mom had asked me weeks before to make her a grad cake for the party (over 100people attending). After her ceremony she texted me asking to speak to me in a very hostile message, mentioning how it will be in private as “it’s no one’s business”. I agreed and went over after my shift and she called me to her room and sat down and proceeded to say the most hurtful things I’ve ever heard. She preyed on every insecurity she could think of and started to say how since the day I moved here she’s never felt comfortable around me and she shouldn’t have to put herself thru this tension and stress to be around me and how every conversation we‘be ever had has added no benefit to her life. She said she feels uneasy whenever I come over and that she just decided she doesn’t want to fake having to like me anymore and I can’t do anything to change that. And she said this all smirking and smiling as I had tears pouring down my face. It’s been three years of slumber parties shopping birthdays holidays family events weekends pool days everything u could think of we’ve experienced it together and those are some of my happiest times. All for her to say it was all fake? I kept asking her how she could say such hurtful things when I see her truly as a younger sister and one of my closest friends and after I’ve opened up to them so much over the years. I swear I even told them how grateful I am for their friendship and how I struggle to make friends because I feel like others judge me or make me feel bad for my personality. But I never in all these years felt that with them. Not to mention that I am literally married to their cousin. I’m the closest thing to a sister in law. How could she throw all that away? And she just shrugged and said none of that matters and I don’t get to decide who she speaks to. I asked if she really means she doesn’t want to speak to me anymore and she just chuckled and said ya. “It’s better I don’t see you or that you don’t come around here and make me uncomfortable.” A lot more was said but for the sake of reading I’ll leave it out. I left her room sobbing and she slammed her door shut behind me. Her sister was in the room next door and did not say anything. the rest of the family was asleep or in bed. I cried all night and literally feel Ike I’m going thru a breakup or something. My poor husband is so confused and mad but we have no idea what to do. It’s more deep rooted since I’ve literally bonded so much with this family I love them all truly and now Ifeel crazy like I imagined these three years of friendship. i keep thinking back and doubting every second I spent there. I have so many pictures in my apartment of all of us and thousands on my phone of us just hanging out and I keep looking at them and doubting if she hated me all those times we talked.
Her mother called me the next morning saying how her husband told her what he heard of the convo and how they were both so so sorry for what she said. She said her daughter has done this before with her own brother and didn’t speak to him for weeks but I told her this is different. She could very well go the rest of our lives not speaking and there goes my future of comfort in my only family here. She said she will talk to her and get her to apologize but I don’t want to even hear that. I can never bring myself to see these people again and I will not beg for a friendship with someone who doesn’t want me around. I have that much self respect at least. I’ve done so much for these girls I bake every bday cake I buy them great bday presents I celebrate every happy moment with them and support them when they feel low. I’ve given them the most kind and genuine friendship… the kind I hoped to receive in turn. I honestly cannot believe that chapter of my life is over and now I feel so alone. I spoke to one of the other cousins when she jokingly asked why I left crying (she lives with them too) and I broke down and told her everything said and how hurt I was. This girl just shrugs and says “ya that’s how she is we can’t change that” like are u kidding me??? I mean absolutely nothing to these people. They all went out and posted it and I’m here crying all day. How do I get over this pain and how do I handle the rest of my life with these people. I still care about their parents I’m just so hurt and offended and shocked at how shitty this one person made me feel. Sorry if this is all confusing I’ll probably delete this in an hour. I just have no one to talk to.

So I am 15, and at school I am depicted as the quiet and shy person. People seem to think I am shy and a bit awkward.
They treat me well, even although they could tell I am quiet and kinda awkward in social situations.
But the thing is, I just use the quiet and invisible persona to hide my weird personality.
When I am alone I do weird stuff like rock back and forth and pace randomly to help me think and not get bored. I repeat words several times that I am thinking of out loud, and I would sometimes talk to myself. I also would blurt random facts and stuff. I hide all of these idiosyncrasies and more at home; I don't reveal them at school often.
I also have speech problems as well, so me being quiet helps suppress that.
So should should I stop being quiet and start embracing my personality? I am afraid of being socially ostracized if I do that though.
I've already tried revealing some of my weird personality traits around a few friends I've made but it ended poorly.

Disclaimer: THIS POST IS VERY LONG!!!
Other disclaimer: This is a post I made on a website a month ago but no one responded unfortunately. So when you read stuff like “a week ago” and see the dates don’t correlate to now, that’s why.
Background information: I had two friends, one a guy and the other a girl. We were all online friends for years, me and the guy were friends since I was in elementary school.
Starting with the guy who from here on I’ll call Blake (not his real name of course) me and Blake were the best of buds, we played the game basically every day, and regardless of our different lives and us only being online friends, I actually liked Blake a lot (as a friend). But Blake had a tendency of bullying me, which didn't bother me too much when I was younger, but as I got older, I did. For example, I told Blake one time that I failed/got held back in first grade, and he would bring that fact up whenever anything intelligence-wise come up or just bring it up out the blue. “N word, you failed the first grade” or “ok…flunky” and other variations. He would say all that…even though first grade was a million years ago (I’m a senior about to graduate high school, and I haven’t gotten held back or struggled with grades since.) (I’ve graduated high school now!). Like I'm about to graduate and he would still make fun of me with that fact, saying stuff like "you would've graduated soon if you didn't fail the first grade" and if I tried to rebuttal saying how I do well in school, he would say "well you did the first grade twice so of course you'd do better. you've done it twice".
He would constantly compare his life to mine, making fun of how I’m a virgin who never done anything with a girl, my social anxiety, me being a loner, how I don’t have as much money as him, how my parents are not as laid-back as his, how I didn’t have as much money as him, make fun of the type of girls I like, my music taste, and more.
He was controlling while we played games. He would always decide what games we played, and he would bitch and moan when I wouldn’t get onto a game he wanted to play with me despite valid reasons like it being too expensive. He would always be on his phone or just be otherwise distracted for long periods of time when we're playing, and then he would expect me to wait for him. He was especially very controlling when we play a game like R6s, he would be in my ear after he died ordering me around and telling me what to do and where to go, expecting me to get kills when I’m completely trash at the game, then he would complain heavily when I would of course die. Note: he was a frequent rage quitter and frequently switched games, which was very annoying
There is way more things he would do but if I typed them all out, I would be typing all damn day, so I’ll stop here.
Next is the girl, who I’ll refer to as Amber.
Amber was not so bad, she was annoying at times, and she would sometimes mimic the things Blake did but overall, she was alright. But she did contribute to the situation I’m in as well as Blake did overall.
For the last year, It got to the point where I would be so fed up with them, mostly with Blake, that I would ghost them, not talk or play with them for a few days to basically recover before interacting with the two again. I would even groan in annoyance when either one of them would call me. I would either ignore their calls or make up a lie of me being busy with other things so i wouldn’t have to play with them.
Now I know what you guys are thinking, "why didn't you tell them how you felt about their treatment of you???", well, I tried, but I would just be met with being called a "pussy" or "soft" and the behavior wouldn't change.
Now: Now let’s go back about three weeks ago, April 1st, my 19th birthday, Amber called me up and told me to hop on the game, I was in the ignoring them phase, but I decided to hop on because they wouldn’t be mean to me, right? Wrong, they told me to install rocket league, a game I’ve never played in my entire life and when I was able to join their game and we got into a match, I was obviously performing very very poorly, but that didn’t stop them very berating me and telling me how trash I am…even though they been playing longer than me.
Then we got on Roblox, and I was having technical difficulties because I was using the Microsoft store version of Roblox as I didn’t know that there was an actual Roblox client and launcher. when the two found out that I was using the Microsoft store version, they proceeded to berate me and belittle me some more, calling me stupid and dumb and questioning how in the world did I not know about the Roblox launcher and just basically making it feel like I just committed a cardinal sin. Then we play some Roblox, and somehow someway I kept on doing things wrong and games were playing because I kept on getting berated and belittled. Eventually, I got off.
I didn’t talk to them on the second, but I did talk to them and play with them on the third. We ended up playing Roblox again and just like last time I was getting berated and belittled because I would do things that they didn’t like. And after a couple hours, we eventually stopped playing Roblox and it suddenly goes into Blake diss tracking me. He would find random rap instrumentals on YouTube and then he would rap over them dissing me. He then told me to diss him back but I didn’t want to cause I was already in a bad mood, and I’m not good with words so I would make a fool of myself. And despite me saying multiple times that I didn’t want to rap, they both kept saying that I had to rap, eventually I just unplugged my mic and said that my mic was broken, which caused Blake to be like “if you don’t want to rap just say that dude, you don’t have to do all that”, like, bruh, I said I didn’t want to rap multiple times…
Eventually, I left a discord call and went to sleep because I had school in the morning, and when I woke up in the morning and checked my Discord, I saw that I had a message from Blake and the message said “pussy”. After that, I ignored them again until the 6th. When I took my phone off chill mode (do not disturb which I have specifically to hide text and calls from Blake and Amber) I noticed that Blake unfollowed me on Instagram and that he kicked me out of the discord server (it was of course his server as he liked being in control of everything). I was like "damn", but I just went on about my day, Amber was still following me though.
Now today, the 25th of April, I realized that Amber unfollowed me on Instagram as well, and that they both blocked me on Steam. So, I thought our friendship was over, so decide to unfollow both of them on Instagram, Discord, Steam, and delete both of their contacts from my phone.
I wasn't perfect in the friendship either, but I never berate or belittle either of them, bully and make fun of either of them constantly for their struggles in life or interest, and I never made either of them feel inferior. Never...
Part of me feel relief that I no longer have to deal with them anymore, but another part of me feels sad as they were both my only friends. I don't really know how to feel or if I should try to reach out to them somehow and apologize for ghosting them.
As I’m sure a lot of you can gather, I’m not a very confident person nor I’m I one that does conflict. But I feel like if I tried harder to preserve our friendship, maybe we’d still be friends? Like, maybe if I was more adamant and forceful about them stopping with their behavior? I just feel like I should have tried harder to preserve the friendship like reaching out to them both instead of just blocking them…
Am I The Asshole? For not trying harder?

So, I had to create a new profile just to post it as a way of processing my emotions. I couldn't risk posting it from my main account, since this (Reddit) is the very place I met HIM :( And if he ever stumbled upon my profile again, I wouldn't want him to see it.
It's not a rhymed poem or anything, but it helped me express what I feel, maybe some of you can relate. I know I found comfort in reading the words of others here earlier.
Here it is :(
You’re not even here, yet you keep me up
Sick to my stomach, thoughts of you weigh me down
My tear-stained pillow feels comfortless under my cheek
You’re ever present.
Why did I welcome you into my heart + life
When all the signs and logic warned me “Tread with care.”
Blame you now, I could
But I failed to draw the line myself.
Why, oh, why did I let you in?
Little by little I opened the doors of my heart,
Only to swing them way too wide in the end,
Now I want to close them again, but you linger there,
On the doorstep, like a ghost.
It hurts to recall all you’d said to me
My silly heart leaps at those memories
Oh, I know you meant it then,
It baffles me how fickle it all was.
How can you move on so fast,
Erase every thoughts of me from your life,
While you’re nearly all I think about.
You said you cared, you’d never want to leave,
But when things didn’t work out,
And plans went askew,
You shut me away.
I gave you a good piece of my heart,
I told you, “It’s fragile,”
Your hand grasped it eagerly,
And then it was yours, to keep or to toss,
Well, you chose the latter.
I’m angry at you, but mostly, at myself
Because your texts still mean the world to me
While you shut me out from yours for good.
For you I’m a bleep, nothing but a fleeting memory.
You left an imprint on my soul
Oh, don’t flatter yourself, it was small
But deep enough
And I don’t understand why you left
When it was you chasing me all along.
My mind recalls these hours-long conversations,
How I wish I could hear your warm voice again,
But suddenly, even two words from you,
Seem too much, don’t they?
You’re glad to never talk.
Your apparent indifference
After all your lovely words and hot promises
stuns me,
I shake my head in disbelief.
And the thing is, you said you want my friendship,
You begged me to stay and just be your friend,
Through tears I agreed, though I wanted more,
but then you decided to just let me go.
Well, I’m done waiting around,
Hoping endlessly to hear from you
My naive heart stands at attention each time my phone lights up,
Though it hurts so badly now,
I know I’ll be okay.
A part of me wants to scream and shout,
For you to feel a fraction of the pain that gnaws at my soul
But I can’t because I still care too much.
I know with time this aching void you used to fill with yourself will fade
I’ll find my inner peace,
Rebuild the world you wrecked
In such a short time.
This is the last time I let myself cry
(but haven’t I said that before?)
I guess you’re not worthy of my time and attention,
You’re oh-so-important
Because I’ve made you so
But I know it was pure,
I did not need your validation.
I didn’t need you at all, you know,
But I wanted you,
to share my life and give my love.
Well, I choose to wish you well - I do, I really do
So I swallow my tears (I never liked their salty taste anyway)
And say “Goodbye.”

Donald Trump referred to Stormy Daniels as “Horse-face” and somehow people fail to appreciate this golden era in history.
The debacle in itself was just ludicrous with her national stripper tour. Democrats actually taking her seriously. Anderson Cooper interviewing her with such peculiar earnestness. I mean we’re talking 60 minutes, people, and Anderson had his empath mask on asking a porn star about the presidents private parts.
Stuff like that makes some people crazy with hatred for not only Trump but also for those who refuse to jump on the “I’m so mad” bandwagon. I don’t care if he banged a porn star, I think a lot of presidents have done a lot worse, in some cases the media knew, and powers that be decided to conceal it.
The “powers that be” all hate this president. He fights back. It’s awesome to behold. Most politicians submit and prostrate themselves for media cooperation like it’s their job. Not this guy.
Russia. It’s unbelievable and incredibly annoying the amount of times I’ve had to hear the word collusion and Russia within 4 words of one another. I’ve had my fill. It doesn’t bother Trump’s detractors that a democratic administration, in cooperation with the democratic campaign, who COLLUDED with foreign agents to, lets just say it - fabricate - a farcical document I knew was utterly fictitious at a glance. The fact these people used this amazing collection of unsubstantiated, nonsensical material, gravely labeled “the dossier” to unconstitutionally materialize FISA warrants (FISA, a law created for gathering intelligence on foreign terrorists, FYI) on a United States citizen is explosively egregious to say the least. And nobody seems to care?! The media just totally ignores this totally unacceptable abuse of power.
When Trump was saying he was wiretapped, the media made fun of him for weeks and weeks on end. Then we find out, yah they more than wiretapped him.
It’s been 2 years and they STILL have nothing. The media talks of convictions and indictments, none of which are relevant to the story. All of which would happen to most multi-millionaires investigated by the FBI under that kind of scrutiny. I don’t care about Manafort’s tax fraud from 8 years before he even knew the president. They’ve shown nothing of relevance and they never will. It’s all conjecture or worse.
What we know is that Obama appointed FBI and CIA officials were not only politically biased, but acted on that bias. Regardless of whether Trump’s f^*k it attitude drives you insane, that should bother all of us. I swear to God it would bother me deeply if roles were reversed and it was the GOP who coordinated this unprecedented attack; aided and abetted by the media. The ‘1984’ comparisons may be cliche but man, it’s hard not to notice them.
We’ve always known Washington D.C. is full of corruption, people. I know many are passionately convinced of Trump’s corruption, but do you ever think of the constant inundating of negative attacks on the man and how that affects the psyche? What about the motivations for such attacks? Isn’t it a bit out of control?
Meanwhile they’re disrespecting not only the president, but all those who elected him. It’s a big “F*^k you” to all of us who wish to support him. You’d think if literally half the country voted for the guy, the media would be closer to 50% negative than the 95% we hear as he keeps promise after promise he made to his constituents who adore this president?
Obama broke more promises than I can count. Every chance he had to bring the country together he chose to divide. He had the potential to take our people with all our differences leaps and bounds and he chose to exploit those differences every single chance he got. People say the country is divided over Trump? They’re lying to themselves. Everyone knows we became divided beyond measure under our previous president and it’s a damned shame.
In my opinion and the opinion of many of his supporters, what we’re seeing is the price you pay for refusing to play status quo. It should frighten every American that this is what happens to a non-politician who runs for office against the high and mighties of the nation - dragged through the mud, mostly unfairly, always taken out of context, always attacked with hyperbolic rhetoric, routinely lacking both logic and reason.
Detractors say he did it for his ego… He did it to somehow benefit his rich friends. He was living in the lap of luxury and loved by most people before signing onto this nightmare. I’ve seen Donald Trump consistently throughout his history in the media advocate for this nation with respect, admiration, and appreciation for what it represents.
When Donald Trump promised he would appoint a special counsel to investigate Hillary Clinton for her many misdeeds he ensured it was he who would have the table flipped on him.
This guy is the most vetted president of all time. Nobody thought Trump would win that election, hell he lost the popular vote. He won that election because our founding fathers were wise enough to keep us safe from a tyranny of the majority. New York City and LA doesn’t represent our people. Frankly, I think they’ve collectively lost their minds. And balls.
The FBI actually leaked, either Wray or Comey LEAKED the dossier to Yahoo! News to use that very leaked article for FISA justification to spy on an American citizen and a political opposition campaign. How are we not all amazed and bewildered? It’s just beyond me. Every day I just see blind hatred with no regard for the underlying, truly heinous betrayal of the American people going unnoticed and unrealized.
The DNC didn’t allow democrats to choose your candidate. They cheated, lied, manipulated and double-crossed every single Bernie supporter. Donna Brazile, CNN Anchomoderator of a Democratic Party town-hall sent debate questions to Hillary Clinton ahead of time but not Bernie.
And these are the people you believe? CNN? The democrat party? I’m sorry, I don’t understand democrats. I don’t understand the misdirection of your anger. Participation is great, but informed participation where people actually look at what’s happened and forget partisanship for just long enough to find the cynic in yourself. Find the seeker of truth. You’re certainly not going to get it from talking heads. These people editorialize every piece of news while being far from qualified from such a monumentally influential task.

I have gotten to a point where living day to day is excruciating. I'm in a constant state of dread and anxiety that will not calm down no matter what I do. And that constant feeling of being on the edge has left me stagnant and hopless. I have been trying for months for get a steady job after my first job (a job I really enjoyed and had decent pay) went bankrupt. And then I got another job but the boss was so terrible that me and half the staff quit. And since then I have been applying everyday to all sorts of places but I would never hear back from them after applying. Or I will hear back, then I'll go to an interview, sometime 2 or 3, only for me to never hear back from them afterwards. Or I get rejected when they actually have the decency to send an email saying so. So I don't have a job and I'm not in school cause I took a gap year to work and save money, only for my plans to fall through. And now I'm on my second year away from school because I had to deffer my acceptance into university because I couldn't pay my tuition even with my scholarship.
On top of all of this, I have only one friends, I'm not in a relationship, and my family is very toxic and draining. Especially my eldest brother, who used to use me for free labour when i was young and would always act like he had authority over me because he was older. He would be completely dismissive of my feelings and would often rage at everyone in the house over the smallest things. Yet he would also always try to cling to me and try to "hang out" with me even though not even an 10 minutes ago he was screaming and my mom or my other siblings. He's always been the type of person to hold grudges against people who did him wrong but if anyone did the same to him, he would cry or scream or threaten to kill himself. And he is honestly a really big part of the trauma I think I have. Because just being around him makes me feel unbelievably anxious and unsafe. But I can't do anything about it cause I dont have the money to move out.
I just feel so alone and so trapped and I have no idea how to get myself out of it and I'm scared. I'm scared that at 16 I felt so terrible all the time. I would have panic attacks before going to school then I would cry myself to sleep when I got back home. I wrote a lot of suicide note then too. It was a way to get the feelings out. And one day I felt so terrible that I set a death date for myself. I promised myself that if things didn't get better by then, that would be my out. And the closer I get to that date the more it looks like the most viable option.
I'm just so sick of feeling helpless and terrible. It's so hard to breath most days. And all the stress has made it hard to sleep or eat in a healthy way. And it feels like all my emotions are messed up. I've lost interest in everything that isn't scrolling through tik toks for hours. And when I'm not depressed and anxious, I'm angry and annoyed. Which has led me to ignore or be snappy with my best friend and my family. And I hate that side of myself. I don't like taking out my frustrations on them cause they didn't do anything. And I don't even know why I'm so angry. I was never this angry l, I didn't use to be this person. But I also don't know who I was before the regret, the guilt and sadness. I feel like myself but also like I have no idea who the hell I am most days.
And no one understands this. I don't have anyone who is there for me or who I can confide in. My family won't get it. I use to be a high honor roll student, was in student government and played sports and everything. They have such high expectations of me and they won't understand my inability to be how I once was. They wouldn't get it if I told them about how I can barley function now or do anything other than rot in my bed. And don't ask me to "try to talk to them cause they are family". Because I have multiple times and everytime was they told me the same things; "you'll get through it." Or "Everyone goes through stress." Or "its not that big a deal."
I can't go through the same sweep it under the rug pep talks they always give. I think if I hear the words "you're going be okay" again I might explode. Nothing about how I feel is okay. Nothing about my life is fine and im tired. I'm just so fucking tired. I only have a couple more months of trying before the date I set is here. Hopefully I will feel relief then.

FTM had my baby boy at 39 weeks and 6 days! The first sign was period like cramps throughout the night. Woke up and felt super constipated. It wasn’t super obvious that I was feeling contractions and not constipation at first. Took me about an hour to realize it was labor as the contractions got worse. Went into labor around 730 am and had him at 11pm the same day. No epidural but used the nitrous oxide. The contractions were painful but honestly more uncomfortable than anything. It is so hard to find a position to get through them easily but for me, the nitrous oxide REALLY helped and I didn’t feel I needed an epidural at all.
I had my husband and mom with me and we hung out in the hospital room from 10am until delivery was over. The day surprisingly went by SO FAST. It was nice to be able to get up and move around freely and we ordered room service a few times and it was actually pretty good! All the nurses were amazing and so super friendly.
Okay but here’s the thing - the pushing. My labor is broken up into two parts in my head- the contractions and then the PUSHING. In hindsight, I realize I was completely unprepared for what I was about to go through. I pushed for two hours, which apparently isn’t even that long for a first time mom. And let me tell you - I did not expect it to hurt as much as it did. I gave birth four days ago and I’m still in shock at the experience. I know everyone says how painful it is….but that was something else. If you are a FTM planning to do no epidural, spend some time preparing your pain tolerance however you can. I wish I had squeezed more ice cubes or done whatever other things the internet says will help. It was such a crazy experience there were points I thought I really truly couldn’t do it (obviously at that point you have no choice 😂) but I really felt like I was going to pass out from the pain. I can’t put into words what I was feeling to give it justice. Just try to prepare yourself. My mother, who has had three kids with epidurals, told me she couldn’t feel any of the things I was describing. And those things were the most painful parts. I don’t say this to encourage people to get an epidural - I say it so you can be more prepared than me. I feel like I was blind sided even though everyone says how painful it is.
Something else I wasn’t prepared for - the blood. It is a lot. Today I stood up from the toilet and a blood clot the size of a baseball fell out of me. (I called my OB, not of concern due to no bleeding following). They say clots the size of a ping pong ball or smaller are to be expected. It’s crazy. They just fall right out. I’m filling adult diapers with more blood than I expected and my vagina is currently unrecognizable. At the hospital they constantly checked my uterus by pressing down and clots of blood just flew out. Something no one ever told me beforehand.
That all being said - I would do it again in a heartbeat. I type this out as my beautiful baby is skin to skin with me sleeping on my chest. Child birth was an amazing experience even if parts of it were extremely difficult. The most difficult thing I have done in my life. The recovery is more than I anticipated, and I am so grateful to have my husband helping. It really is amazing what our bodies are capable of.
Our baby is happy and healthy now, but we did have some unexpected hiccups along the way. Our second night at the hospital was not easy and I thank God my baby is okay. There is some trauma I am still processing as a newly postpartum mom and I look back on my experience in awe that this happens every day thousands of times a day. Women have their own birth stories of challenges and feats along the way that they live with forever, and it is just seen as something so normal or ordinary for a woman to do. I have found such a new respect for all moms out there. This has been a crazy experience already and I am just in shock trying to process at how much love I feel for this tiny human I brought into the world. So surreal. Being a mom really is the best feeling I’ve ever had.

To preface, I am a 26 year old female, alot of the events that I'm going to talk about occurred when I was a child, some will be more recent, but as I keep low to no contact with my parents now, there wouldn't be much to tell.
As far back as I can remember, my mom would say and do things that made me feel like I wasn't as important as my brother(s). Before my younger brother (22M) was born, if my older brother (29M) broke or damaged something, he'd blame it on me. She always believed him. Sometimes he'd pinch himself, run to our mom crying and say that I pinched him for no reason and I'd end up getting punished. If he wanted to use the PS1 (for those who remember that) and I was using it, I'd be forced to get off so he could have a turn, regardless of how little time I had been using it. The same applied to the family computer. Anything he wanted, he got.
After my little brother came into the picture I assumed my older brother would be forced to share the game systems, computer, toys etc. But I was mistaken. Instead, my mom began to spoil them both, giving them whatever they asked for. Citing their recent autism diagnosis as the reason for the special treatment. "You're the only normal one, you have to compromise on these things for your brothers because they're special." "You have to be mature and responsible because they can't." Were essentially the messages I was fed for years.
I was often the one left in charge if my parents went out, not my older brother. If I wasn't in charge, they would have our oldest brother, (32M) who was adopted by our maternal grandparents, my mom's parents, watch us. Unfortunately, he was also spoiled rotten, but by my grandparents in an attempt to make up for the fact that my mom didn't raise him. Which only fueled my older brother's need for the latest and greatest toys/games at the time. So they got into arguments all the time and I'd end up being the mediatoone in charge regardless. I always had to keep a close eye on my little brother regardless of who was left in charge also, he's not as self sufficient as my older brother and lacked the understanding that most kids his age had, so he needed constant supervision or else he'd end up getting hurt. Which happened a few times, but surprisingly only while my parents were the ones watching him.
When I was 10, my dad lost his job after a seizure (he's an epileptic) caused him to slam his face into a coffee table. He wasn't able to immediately return to work due to the damage, and was fired as a result. We were then evicted from our apartment and were forced to move in with my maternal grandmother. My grandfather had passed a few years prior so it was just her, my uncle and my oldest brother living in the house at the time. My grandmother didn't want us there, to put it simply. My uncle is the one who kept bothering her about how my mom was going to lose custody of us if we didn't have somewhere to go, and she eventually caved. But she wasn't discreet about how little she enjoyed having us there.
At 13, we were still living with my grandmother, my dad had gotten a new job and I finally got a cell phone. Not my own, but my Dad shared his with me after he'd get off work. So from the hours of 4pm to 10pm, I was a regular teen with a phone, which felt nice. One day, I had to text a friend about something related to school, so I asked my mom if I could borrow her phone to text this friend. As I was getting the info on the assignment that I needed, a text came across the screen. It was from my mom's ex Jay. Jay was the father of my two older brothers, (29M & 32M) he was also physically abusive towards my mom when they were together. I admit I shouldn't have gone through her messages, but as far as our entire family was aware, Jay wanted nothing to do with my mom or my brothers, so I was curious as to why/how my mom had his number saved, let alone why they were speaking. To my horror, my mom was flirting with and sending very explicitly worded messages about how much she wanted him and how terrible my dad was. I'll admit, neither of my parents were perfect, my mom had her favoritism of my brothers, while my dad was verbally and physically abusive towards me and my older brother, but never my little brother. My dad also cheated on my mom with a coworker shortly after I was born. Which my mom made common knowledge to us kids by the time I was 7. So our relationship as a family, was tumultuous to say the least. Nevertheless, I brought the texts to my dad, who then confronted my mom. I mean, I was a kid, I had no idea how to navigate that. So I brought it to an adult, as I thought I was supposed to. But boy, I had no idea that things would turn they way they did. My mom essentially told my dad, who barely understands technology, that the texts he thought she sent, her ex sent and that I was just trying to break them up because I hate her. He believed her. This affected me for years because she'd always use it as leverage to accuse me of lying. "Well you lied about those texts, so obviously you'd lie about this too!" I was branded a liar and to this day, despite her admitting that she was lying back then, everyone in my family just sees me as a melodramatic liar and I've come to accept that will probably never change.
At 14, one of my best friends died in a train accident. I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral because my parents had booked a vacation to see my dad's family. My parents knew that telling me no before we left would result in me sneaking out and going to the funeral anyway, so they lied to me, saying that they'd think about it and let me know in the morning before we'd leave, saying it with that tone they use when you know they're going to say yes just to make me think I'd be able to go to the funeral and avoid having to look for me. They've admitted to all of this which is even more chilling to me. The next morning, they'd already packed my luggage in the car by the time I had woken up. My dad sat down and told me in no uncertain terms that I was not going to the funeral and that I was going with them, regardless of what I thought or did. I kicked, screamed, cried, bit, everything I could possibly do to get my dad to put me down. But in the end he turned on the child safety locks and he threw me in the car with my younger brother, we left and spent 3 days with my dad's family. All the while I was made fun of and mocked for crying constantly on what was "supposed to be" a happy vacation according to my parents. My older brother didn't want to go, so he didn't have to. But apparently that only applied to him. To this day I still haven't forgiven them for that.
At 15, I was kicked out of my grandmothers house, and only my dad was against it. But in the end, I had to go live with my boyfriend because I had nowhere else to go and nothing my dad said changed the minds of my mom or grandmother. Until I turned 18, my mom would get me $100 in groceries a month, to keep me alive. (I think she was just afraid I'd report her for abandonment if she didn't atleast feed me) Even then, she would say that she couldn't afford the $100 sometimes and I'd have to get a month of food out of $50 or less.
At 18, I became pregnant. My dad was very unhappy. I had my first born and I thought we were on the road to mending our relationship.
At 21, my parents invited me and my child to their house for dinner, they also invited my boyfriend but he was unable to join us because he was tired from work, but these dinners had become a regular occurrence at this point. Unfortunately, my older brother (29M) still lives at home with them and my younger brother, so I was forced to interact with him. He ended up saying something like "Mom and Dad only put up with you because they want to see your kid." It struck a nerve with me, because it had already felt that way to me for awhile, and my parents were right there, but didn't deny what he said and I started to cry. I excused myself outside but I wasn't calming down.
For some context, back when I lived at my grandmother's house, I had regular breakdowns. My parents were constantly yelling at me or hitting me for one thing or another. I didn't have a room or a bed back then, I slept on the couch in the living room from the ages of 10-15. So when my dad would go off, he'd repeatedly slam me down into whatever surface was in the room if I tried to get up or leave the room we were in. So the couch if it was the living room, my parents bed if we were arguing in their room, etc. My mom never stopped this. Sometimes it would go on for hours, and it'd get to the point where I'd either freak out and get physical with my dad or I would start to rip out my hair and beg him to leave me alone. I was regularly laughed at by my mom or older brother and called dramatic for reacting that way during these screaming sessions.
But in that moment l, as I was crying outside, I felt like that kid again. I was small and meaningless. I wanted to go home. So I collected myself as best I could and walked inside, grabbing my son as I walked up to my parents at the dining table. I told my mom that I was sorry, but we're going home. She got as far as saying, "But we're about to have di- ." before my dad began to scream at me like I had never heard him scream before. My mom took my son into another room as soon as she saw that I was caught off guard by my dad's outburst, and locked him in my uncles bedroom. For over an hour my dad berrated me, as I could hear my son wailing for me from the other room. He kept pushing me and getting in my face, not letting me leave the dining room, he almost slapped me but for whatever reason, didn't. My mom and older brother, just like when I was a kid, stood there and laughed at my reactions. Eventually, he stopped because I said something that made him really mad, so he charged outside and left. My uncle came out of his room with my son soon after and he drove us home. I sent them a long message afterwards stating that I'm going no contact. That lasted about three years, and we've since reconnected in the past 2 years, my dad hasn't pulled anything like that, seemingly because he knows I'm serious when I say I will never speak to them again. My mom on the other hand is back on the "she's out to get me" "she hates me" train again. Anytime I ask her something, even simple yes or no questions, she sends me a novel detailing her yes or no answer. If she's saying no, she always phrases things like I'm this unhinged person who goes crazy over being told no and that she's just an innocent victim to my rage? Which is funny because regardless of what her answer is my response is always "Okay." Or "Okay, thank you." And any question is prefaced heavily with "You really don't have to if you don't want to." "It's totally fine if you cant." "It's fine if you say no, I can figure out something else if need be." I don't want to be a burden and I don't like exerting more energy than absolutely necessary, so I have no reason to try to argue with her. It's gotten to the point where we have so little contact, she has to blow up small misunderstandings that happen when we do converse. My uncle sent me a screenshot from my mom to him, which was her saying I needed to do something, I honestly don't remember what. But whatever it was, apparently my dad and my uncle were the ones who wanted me to know that, not her. Which honestly doesn't matter either way to me. But I guess she took whatever I said in response as an attack despite only saying okay or alright as a response, and I had to deal with her and my dad spamming my phone in the middle of the night trying to make this literal non issue, an issue. So I ended up replying that I have no idea why or how this had devolved into what it did, but I have nothing to do with this, and to stop messaging me about it. Surprisingly they did. Finally the most recent thing was that I had talked to my parents, in front of everyone at their house, including my boyfriend and our kids. I told them I wanted to start looking for a job and was wondering if they'd be willing to watch my now two kids for a couple of hours on some of the days that I work, just until we save enough for the down payment at a daycare for them. My main driver for this was that my mom and dad had been pushing for my kids to stay ovespend time with them so i figured if we could do that while I also work that'd really help. Nowhere in my mind do I think I am entitled to my parents help, I just thought that if they were pushing to spend time with them, that this was a perfect opportunity to do so. My parents agreed initially, but when I called them to make plans about it because I had an interview lined up, my mom said she never agreed to anything like that and that she "wasn't going to raise my kids for me." In the end, it wasn't worth an argument and I just said that she could have just said no the first time I brought it up, and I would have just started looking at alternatives for childcare. Pulling this hurtful stunt was unnecessary and cruel. And we haven't spoken much since.
Honestly I doubt they'll ever actually change, which is why I keep them at an arms length. Sorry for the rant, I just needed somewhere to put all of this.

I have three speeches. One on Thursday, another one in 3 weeks and another in 4 weeks. I haven’t spoken in front of people in about 5 years and whenever I’m asked to read aloud in class, I literally can’t breathe and start shaking uncontrollably.
I have no idea what to do. I’m 16 years old and I’ve been nervous for these speeches for months. Now that one of them is so close I’m actually breaking down. I want to tell a teacher or something but I’m afraid of confrontation and genuinely so embarrassed about it. Everyone in my class is so confident and I panic at even the thought of reading out loud.
I want to take something to calm me down but my mother doesn’t believe in ‘anxiety’ and just think I’m overthinking the whole thing, and once I get up on the stage I’ll relax. I told her I literally might have a panic attack but she thinks I’m ‘too young to be having problems’ and just being dramatic.
I have a friend that bursts into tears whenever she goes up to the present and everyone is pretty much used to it atp, so when she does it’s not a big deal. I asked her for advice and she says that she tells herself to ‘stop being a pussy’ and get over herself. She tells me it makes her feel worse so if someone makes fun of her, the words they say is not as bad as what she tells herself. I think she might be a masochist so I’m not sure if I should take her advice.
My other friend told me to just start crying/panicking in front of everyone and then they’ll understand to never make me read aloud again. I’m lowkey considering it just to prove that I do have problems and need help. But the thing is, I don’t think I’d be able to handle being in that class with the same people during the aftermath of my breakdown.
To make things worse, one of the speeches I have is for a subject called ‘society and culture’ and I basically have to talk about my interests for 6 minutes without palm cards or anything. This whole assignment is worth 40% of my overall grade and the teachers are judging us purely on our confidence, eye contact and how engaging we are.
My teacher was talking about anxiety and if you can’t present, you have to get a doctor’s certificate confirming you have actual speech issues and you’ll just present in front of just one teacher instead of the whole class. And like I said, my mother doesn’t believe in anxiety and pretty much hates doctors.
I’ve tried everything to try and help me relax, but nothing is working. Breathing techniques make me more anxious and heart rate quicken even worse.
Am I fucked? Any advice??

keith and zach, as owners of 2nd try, hosted a fundraiser livestream that raised $500k in 4.5 hours, and $1.5 million overall. throughout the stream, they and the other creators have explicitly said the words "palestine" "israel" "genocide" and "zionist". the set was decorated with palestinian-related items including the flag. zach started the stream with a personal note saying that standing up for the palestinian people is not antisemitic. one of the organizers, caprisunnpapi, is palestinian-american and he was featured heavily throughout the stream. they interviewed the president and founder of the PCRF. the stream ends with them saying "free palestine" and the description of the livestream VOD ends with this phrase as well.
these were all explicitly anti-zionist, pro-palestine actions and sentiments. there were no "free the hostages" "israelis are not their government" "peace for both sides" fence-sitting bullshit. this wasn't a stream to raise money for some apolitical charity, it was for charities specifically founded to help palestine.
but is anybody else curious what exactly is their relationship going to be with lewbergehughie stone fish moving forward? i assume they're not going to feature lewberger in future 2nd try content anymore, even just for the sake of taking in audience feedback (both about how lewberger isn't funny AND how the audience don't want to see a zionist), but i assume zach put his foot down and banned hughie from appearing in more content. i really am just curious how keith and hughie went about this. i know a lot of people in this sub have said "adults can disagree and still be friends" but in this specific scenario... can they? can they really? even if keith is willing to stay and try to change hughie's mind, i just can't imagine a zionist like hughie stone fish, who is a full-grown adult in his mid 30s set in his ways, would just change his mind in the span of a few months for the sake of keeping a friendship. i also can't imagine him wanting to be friends with someone who hosted a fundraiser where they've condemned israel multiple times.
i don't follow keith, hughie, or lewberger on any social media, so maybe i've missed something. i really just want to know what you guys think, either pure speculation or your observations based on their social media.

I don't use the word lightly. I've tried countless times to be the person someone else can love. I'm still alone.
My father never loved me, and made it clear my brother was his favorite. While he would go out of his ways to spend time with him and even call off of work some days, I would be lucky to say good morning to him and receive one back. He died 5 years ago now and his last words ever spoken to me were him yelling at me while I was throwing up. Those words still echo in my head every night.
My mother makes it a bit less obvious but to her I'm a workhorse. She doesn't take interest in anything I do, only if it's something that would prevent me from helping her. Recently she's been asking for all my free time since she is moving, and when I had to leave early for an event she had called me the next day to berate me for not getting enough work done.
My siblings couldn't care less about me, they are kind when I'm around but I don't think I've talked to either outside of family events or gatherings in a year
My friends don't want me around. I'm always the one to reach out and start conversations. I'm always the one inviting them to play games online or go grab something to eat. When I'm around them I feel like a burden, someone they deal with rather than hang out with.
Any romantic attempts have been shot down quickly. Always excuses and nobody just telling me they don't want to be around me. I had one friend who said they were aromantic when I asked them out and then the next day told me about a person they want to date.
I'm truly unlovable.
Don't worry about me internet strangers, I'm coming to terms with it and I won't be doing anything crazy. Just another night I'm reminded of how I spent the day alone and end the day alone. My 'friends' don't like it when I open up to them like this so I've resorted to this.
I don't believe I've done anything to deserve this. Maybe in a past life I was a real asshole and this is karma catching up on her paperwork. She seems to be the only person who checks in on me.
Goodnight random reader, please take care of yourself.

So I knew this friend Ginny[26f] through a common friend Mary [23f]. I thought I hit it off pretty well with her and we have become at least friends, but she never accepts my invitation to hangout, only being there whenever Mary is there. Some months ago, because I was fed up of my invitations being always turned down, I asked her why she was never accepting my invitations to hang out. Her reasoning was because she would feel bad for Mary if she was to hang out with my without Mary. I was pretty upset because that made me feel like a third wheel, or as if she never really saw me as a friend to begin with.
Then, I did stop initiating, as stopped asking Ginny if she wanted to hang out and stopped initiating texts. The only thing I have received afterwards is just a text from Ginny talking about something mundane, then radio silence. It has been 3 months and I haven't reached out to Ginny and I haven't heard anything from her neither. Now, I do miss her because I did consider her a friend, but I thought her comment was kinda disrespectful and makes me think the feeling was just one-sided. The fact that she did not initiate anything made me think this is true even more. But then, I don't know if I misinterpreted her words or something. Any advice on how I should approach this?

Context: My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. We have two young children and I am 37 weeks pregnant. I full time 40 hours a week and come home very late at night as it is a Twilight midnight shift. My husband has his own business that's up and down. 70 percent of our house is under construction for remodeling which my husband does mostly himself and I help where I physically can. It takes a lot of money and work. The kitchen isn't ready still which will be really important to have when the baby comes to safely make found and clean bottles etc.
We moved here in a rush because my husband's PTSD is triggered by the town we lived by. Into that my husband has PSTD because of a whole complicated situation that happened two years ago where I lied a I had been raped and blackmailed by an ex but was trying to handle it by myself and no I didn't trust my husband at the time and we had a terrible relationship so I was admittedly absolutely stupid and tried to handle the situation myself and then just came clean and it all exploded. My husband is an EXTREMELY trusting person so that's basically ruined our relationship and no matter what I do it's not improving trust by a ton so I basically live by clearing activities with him and constantly updating him on everything I'm doing and have a constant location on me... No the point but His trust in people is 100% related. He's been burned by other people before and he keeps trust in others ESPECIALLY his guy friends.
My mental health isn't great as I have anxiety depression and trauma disorder. I have huge trust issues with men and my house I'm in is the closest thing I have to are sanctuary where I can be myself.
Other related context: I've had a lot of death in my life in the past few years. Namingly about 2 years ago my brother committed suicide sadly and just last year a friend from work also committed suicide. Others in my family have passed away from health related reasons.
So story time. Today I'm having a major mental health struggle, feeling trapped (partially from my husband telling me to come home instead of going out with some friends from work which happens about every week ... I don't really see many people unless he gets to supervise.), and I just was struggling. Hormones probably. I tried to text him about it but I brushed it off saying maybe it'll pass and then he lets me know one of his friends tried to commit suicide last week and he's okay physically. I sympathized and he didn't say much after but talked about other stuff. Anyways he gets home from his guys get together and announced his friend has to stay with someone and move out of his sister's house. He says a friend with a stable home and no kids said he would but wants to discuss it with his wife first. I say oh that's great! Then he says that he volunteered our house if his friends can help him build a wall to make a bedroom for his friend. And tells me they said they would. I was kinda shocked that he just made this decision without me and wasn't asking me but seemed to be telling me. It'll cost $600 or more and we would have to buy a bed for him then I'll have to move all that stuff somewhere else but everything is already crowded in there from the kitchen. I don't know what I'll do with those things. He just says yeah and walks out of the room. I don't know when this is, how long, anything about his schedule, if he's eating our food, or what any of this entails. It's just adding to our list and I wasn't even thought of or consulted. We still need to finish cleaning and moving things around the house so it's ready when the baby comes. A chunk is his stuff and I'm not sure what to do with it and we need to purchase a few things for the baby still...he's been telling me we have no money.
I think about these concerns and questions for a bit (20 minutes) and come out and I ask: when you were talking about ___ staying with us, were you informing me or consulting me? He sarcastically says informing, laughs, then goes on to say it we didnt because of me I'm a horrible person or an evil person (yes those words). I asked if he thought his other friend who is consulting his wife is evil because she might decline and he said "she might be!" I was shocked. I kept trying to explain that as a partnership and with my background and current state (preggers) I think it's definitely appropriate to consult me and for us to talk about any concerns or obstacles. He starts calling me manipulative and a terrible person and say I help no one (I did help a friend who was homeless a couple years ago when we had a different house where she could stay and I help his sisters and mom once a month at least but oh well). He also doesn't count my job in that. Then he starts calling me a liar randomly and calls me horrible again. I said I am feeling really cornered in this that if I feel uncomfortable I am apparently evil but if I say yeah I'm good with it I'm a liar. I was crying pretty bad (hormones mixed with the situation) and he kept telling me to leave and go to work but I was trying to work it out. It wasn't a straight no from me, I just didn't see it working out and I wanted to work through the concerns and obstacles together to see if it really made sense. Its a big deal right now with everything going on. In my mind that means a discussion.
I don't know though. I ended up sleeping on his sister's couch after work tonight. I'll get up early and get back home before the kids wake up so they don't think I left for good or anything. He goes polar opposite on how he treats me and what he says about me.
So reddit? Let's have it ... Am I the a-hole?

I haven't played D&D for a year now because my wonderful dearest amazing friend who was also our DM quit! 😭 But now My other friend group has been getting into it and now I'm for the first time actually really liking my OC!! When I created him I just kind of created him so I had a character to play with because it was my first time but now I'm hyped to get to like actually make him a personality all the shenanigans ‼️
(Also, this is now my second time typing all this because I always forget that some subs require you to have a bunch of words.)
He has very little backstory right now because I have no idea what is fine for backstorys in DnD and what is not so so far he's been living in his tribe for most of his life but felt like he needed to explore the world (I swear I'll work on this more lmao)
I also made him a cowboy because I love cowboys and I can do whatever I want
I have no idea how to draw a dragon my friend drew the main dragon and I just did the little doodles
Also I spelt his name and Torrin with two rr's instead of nn's because I felt like it (I thought it looked nicer)
Ignore my jank ass hand writing because my gel pen wasn't working with me 😔
Ok please let this be enough I fear I can't yap for much longer 🙏😣

I(24F) and my boyfriend (26M) just had our worst fight yet. We have been together for 6 years and our relationship is very healthy overall and I consider us being really happy together and communicating well with no large trust issues.
My boyfriend rarely gets drunk but today it was his friend’s birthday so he got home very drunk. I was already upset with him drinking so much and then he mentioned a girl who he kissed once 10 years ago( he didn’t say it like that) that was there and I got into a stupid jealousy argument when I saw he followed her and liked some of her posts. I didn’t really suspect something and it didn’t bother me too much honestly and I think just because I was already upset at him I was picking fights. I know I am at fault for starting accusing him and arguing when he clearly was drunk but what came next I did not expect. My boyfriend started getting so mad he became unrecognizable. He started saying to me the most hurtful things like: that I am always like that with my stupid trauma and insecurities ruining our relationship he was screaming over and over with trears “why are you like this” “why are you like this”. He just was screaming at me fck you fck this. He was acting unrecognizable where I never heard him talk to me and treat me this way ever. I was just sitting shocked when he kept going on and on slurring his words saying the most terrible things to me. When he saw me crying he said he doesn’t even care I can cry as much as I want to. I was checking something on my phone and he took the phone from my hands because he thought it was his phone and when he realized it was actually my phone he threw my phone on the floor. He was clearly really drunk and I did my best through the tears to help him lay down and sleep but I am just crying in bed still in shock of what just happened. He never showed any signs of violence or aggression before so I really don’t even know how to process it. He started crying after I layed him down and he was crying over and over how sorry he is and how much he loves me.
I want to make it clear that I am not gonna just leave him after 6 years because of an isolated case like this. But I want an advice of how can I move forward with this and how do I bring it up to him? I doubt he would even remember anything he said. I feel like even though I shouldn’t have started arguing with him liking this girl’s insta pictures he was way way overreacting to it. I love him very much and he makes me always so happy that’s why this is just shaking up my world. i just want to know how can we leave this behind us but also make sure this won’t happen again?
What is the best way to go about it without letting it ruin our relationship?
TLDR: boyfriend of 6 years was bordeline abusive when drunk which is really out of character for him. I love him very much and I want to know of how to move on from this situation but make sure this won’t happen again.

I have a weird aspect of my personality. As a child I could be shy, especially around those I didn’t know well. I often felt like I was voiceless because I could never get a word in edgewise with my dad or speak honestly and confide in my mother. In high school I found weed and lots of other things, and made friends at last with the “cool” crowd, which felt good. I did funny shit when I was high and I learned that friends loved this kooky side of my personality. Then 18-23 I moved away and immediately reverted to no drugs, naturally even as there was no longer a social expectation for me to smoke weed. My boyfriend was much older and mature and just drank on occasion. Reverting to no drugs however meant reverting to myself and my introvertedness. I continued this way until two more cities later, when in my mid to late twenties started going to grad school. Most of these people in my class were nerds like me, and having missed out on all the fun of 18-24, we bonded over drinking a lot. Like copious, in everyone’s desks, nights out were daily and debaucherous. Having something again to mask my extreme shyness I began to depend on alcohol even subconsciously to carry me through social situations. After 2-3 years it became hard wired into my brain. And I went awol after a year or two of constant binge drinking and began to act well crazy, more and more boisterous and unruly as time went on. I became the loudest, craziest, most unshy seeming person In the room. The more my shyness was triggered, the more I would drink to calm it until it in addition to my original personality were obliterated anytime I drank.
So yeah… that’s my story.

I (15F) and my Older sister Eli (22F) have gotten along for most of my childhood, I remember her as my hero and Shield for helping me and my younger sister Luz (12F) to not get grounded. But over the past few years I can see how she changed as a person, for context, I was her first course of help and advise before my parents because I was well known for knowing more than a 30 year old person, I was the first one to know when she decided to get married at the age of 18 with her now ex Vincent (21M). I was her Bridesmaids and the one that helped her thought the whole thing, like choices of dresses and Make-up, as well as Hair, basically her right hand.
Not long after the marriage Vincent came to my parents house, asking if we've seen her wife, apparently, they got into a fight over some texts on Eli's phone during a party, Vincent was mad, as he had a right to be, his mother was on his side as my mom and dad called Eli with no response. This happened one day before my 13th birthday, I was upset as to why she had runned away and not told me anything as she did always. The next day Eli came to my parents house for some clothes, she looked miserable, she told my dad she was staying over her Grandparents (me and her are only related thanks to my father), my father got mad at her, and she cried in me and now Luz' room for at least an hour, I said nothing because my father told me to.
For months we lost contact with her, and we didn't knew were or with who she was. Until she actually reached out to us, se tried to fix her relationship with Us over gifts, visits and even calls, my mom and dad Helped Eli thought the whole divorce process, everything was okay until we lost contact with her once again. My mom was pissed but said nothing, as well as my dad. Some months later we come to contact again, she told us she had some problems with her partner (who I just had the chance to meet like five times), but everything was okay now. Until her partner died from Blood cancer, she was devastated and she slept with us for a few days, during those few days I stayed up all night to watch over her (me and my sisters slept in the same room and bed), as she talked and moved during her sleep, I bought a night lamp so she could fell secure as she was now scared of darkness, and my mother noticed, she thanked me for taking care of Eli and Luz during sleep.
Our relationship grew, until she found another partner, and left her old MIL's house. Her partner was really chill, overall a great guy, but I never got to meet him fully. They broke up at least 2 times and got back before actually breaking up because the guy cheated. Not a month latter Eli got another partner, During that time as she lived in my parents house, she got into a Fight/Chat with my mom, I was present to whole thing where she claimed she had Depression, anxiety and other problems I can't recall, she never actually went to therapy so she was self diagnosing herself (I hate when people do that). During the fight she claimed that no one cares about her and she had to endure everything alone basically forgetting how I stayed up at night watching over her, helping her to distract herself on other stuff, taking her side at most fights etcetera. I told her "You have a family who cares about you, if you can't see that, is your problem because you're so selfish and Mentally unstable" She looked at me with shocked eyes as I was always a person to keep silent during fights, she told me to not get into the fight as it wasn't none of my business, I told her to suck it up because it was the truth and I went to sleep.
She became distant of me and I didn't mind, I had my friends to distract myself from my family problems. She had at least 2 or 3 other relationships after the during fight guy. She got with a guy who I don't like in any way a few months ago, she now lives with him. She had at least fought with him over 5 times, everytime she "Broke up" with him she would go with me and my mom, Telling us how she will not come back with him because of how he and his mother treats her, at one point my mom got mad, and my dad had to give Eli a long talk as he always did when something wrong happened.
1 month ago my dad died from a heart attack and blood cancer related. I was the one to maintain my composure for more long, i basically helped the rest of my family during the whole funeral, watching over my sister and mother when they slept. Eli cried, saying how she didn't said she loved my dad enough, or that she had a lot to things to apologize for, she hugged the box for the longest as my mother cried uncontrollably, mainly my two sisters and mom cried in my shoulders and chest as I only let some tears go.
We became more closer with my sister, only two days later Eli told us that her MIL told her to suck up her pain as my dad was already dead and another stuff (she sent us an audio of her MIL saying this). I obviously got mad and I told her to tell her MIL to f off.
In the 9th day of my dad's passing (as my dad's family is very religious) they made a praying, I didn't felt good and Eli took me outside, I talked to her and I cried so hard on her shoulder, my eyes where swollen and I could barely Oppen them. She told me that I could rely on her anytime I wanted, going to the beach, for a walk, anytime I wished. Everything went well until her birthday a few weeks ago. We visited and cleaned my dads grave, she told us how her partner called her all sorts of hurtful names because the guy saw her with another dude on a bike (her best friends boyfriend), she told us how her MIL called her name's and made her the bay guy, Bethen other things. She told us she was not going to get back with him, two days latter she went out with her friend, she didn't came Back until 9am the next day, apparently she went back with her "ex" over some cute words he told her, and that was it. Shes now on a business trip, she's posting stuff with her boyfriend and cute stuff that I now find disgusting realising how toxic that couple is.
I realised that Eli can't be without a man, I don't know what to do or what to tell her so she could realize that he's not the one as she said in her WhatsApp status. I can't let her live like this, i really care about her, i suggested therapy but she brushed it off, my mother told me to let her go, but I don't want Eli to end in the streets, or something to happen to her. She's my sister and I care about her, but anytime I want to talk to her privately my mother tells me to not do it and that is not worth it.
So, AITAH for wanting to slap some common sense into my sister?

Hi, I’m a 37yo female happily married with 2 kids 10,9. My family is complete. Life is good. Finally was able to become a SAHM in the last year. I was on BC for the first 8 years of our relationship, and after my second I was on the iud for 5 years and 4 years ago I decided I wanted to be hormone free for the first time in a long time. I have been tracking my cycle religiously (condoms when ovulating or near ovulation). Well my period was 4 days late, tender boobs and nipples. Sometimes my period is late when highly stressed or anxious. Took several tests today and they’re all positive.
I freaked out. I have been vocal about my family being complete, not wanting any more children. My husband has always wanted more but I feel like I have ptsd raising my 2 kids. I took on 98% of child rearing and household chores all while working a career (part of my controlling personality). I have had nightmares through the years of being pregnant and freaking out. My plans for the future of our family, the lack of attention my 2 kids will lose, the ptsd of caring for a newborn it’s all a little much for me. I feel like a terrible person for even considering abortion, especially since my husband wants more children, and the fact that I just don’t feel excited or happy. I honestly feel sad/angry at myself for allowing this to happen.
I am blessed to have a comfortable life, and I honestly feel like if I had this child I will feel resentment to my husband, and I’m not sure I mentally can handle that. I don’t want to discuss this with friends or family, I feel lost.
I’ve envisioned keeping this child, but I don’t feel joy, feels like doom. I suffer from anxiety, and I don’t know what choice to make.
My husband says he will support whatever decision I make. He could see the shock and sadness in my face, but I’m not so sure how supportive he would actually be.
I need words of encouragement 😭

I was talking to a female friend of mine who made the claim that my love and respect for dogs is a massive red flag to most women. I'm interested in any input from anyone, but particularly females. I wouldn't call my love for dogs weird, or over the top. I have a border collie, and I fkn love him to the end of the earth, he's a really really good boy. But I don't understand how this is a red flag, he a good boy, but submissive isn't how I'd describe him. Respectful, loving and responsible are the words that come to mind when describing my boy.
But I am always willing to hear another's point of view.

Listen, It’s busy in paint this time of year. They assigned us bays about 4 days ago. I’m in charge of the spray paint. The spray paint area is hard to tame even if I weren’t busy.
We have new team members and they’ve crowned me the pro of paint. They seek me out when they don’t know what to do or if a computer isn’t working. The customers remember me and pull me to help them. People take breaks leaving me to tend to the desk.
It’s hectic and I work hard but nobody notices because I’m a nice girl who jokes a lot, wears Tommy Bahama shirts, and has dreadlocks.
So my supervisor appeared out of nowhere and starts accusing me of slacking off. I try to explain but he hears nothing and starts speaking down to me. Things like using a funny tone and sarcastically dismissing my words.
I comply and drop everything to do what he says which is the buckets. He calls me over the intercom when I’m on my last row of buckets. He tells me I’m taking too long to do the buckets. He starts laughing and saying it shouldn’t take so long. He starts asking everyone around (all male) if they would take 30 minutes to do the buckets. They kind of just go along and laugh hesitantly. Then he starts asking me if I’m mad.
This was pretty much the last straw. I had to leave before I screamed or cried.
I don’t deserve this. I’m kind, well mannered, friendly, and cooperative. And before a few weeks ago we got along well enough. Now he’s just making fun of me at every turn and I don’t know what to do.
I don’t have many other job options.