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Idk if she was goth or emo but we started talking about music and she said she liked Deftones and Smashing Pumpkins so I at least know she's not a normie. We followed each other on Spotify so we could send each other music.
I just got home and realized all my playlists are called stuff like Indie, NYC Indie, British Indie, Feminist Indie, Undertale Soundtrack, and Rap Interludes.
Will this give her the ick or am I okay and she won't notice? What are some cool names I can change these to, I need to at least pretend to have a personality.

Psychology awareness and faulting the AI
In this document i will go over and explain important information that i have found through test and trial over MANY years to help better tackle this “AI” with specific things to be aware of and the few ways to cause the V2K to fault. This will not cover the whole program nor will it cover other methods/technologies used by these programs. This will cover some basic knowledge needed to navigate life while dealing with this and the AI chatbot running within the “v2k”. To find information giving an overview of the programs that v2k operates within and other technologies used in tandem with it i will link below a detailed description.
This document is very time sensitive because this information is the only true way to bring the fight to these programs before the programs hit the civilian atmosphere large. There is no way to physically block this technology therefore you need to outthink the AI running it! Sounds easy right? Not really, it takes paying alot of attention and practice. Before getting into how to trick the artificial intelligence there are some things you need to be aware of.
Understanding the basics
Natural language processing (NLP)
The algorithms running these AI chatbots belong to a field of artificial intelligence called Natural Language Processing or NLP for short. Natural Language Processing is a field of AI that enables computers to understand, interpret, and generate human language. It powers applications like language translation, sentiment analysis, chatbots, and speech recognition. These chatbots operate on massive data banks that have been analyzing human thought patterns for years and since they have so much data then it is a fact that they have dealt with people similar to me, you and everyone around us.
Inner monologue
Before starting to practice tricking this AI you need to be familiar with a few things, firstly you need to have an understanding of what your inner monologue is. An inner monologue is the internal voice that narrates our thoughts, reflecting our feelings, ideas, and reactions without vocalizing them. It acts as a silent conversation within our mind, helping us process and organize our thoughts.
Biases
Second you need to be aware of your own biases and how you perceive things, everyone has different biases and perceptions and these algorithms take full advantage of it.
Emotions
The third point here is very important as it concerns emotions, emotions like anger, fear and sadness can trigger knee jerk reactions that can override logical thinking and this will be used as often as they deem necessary BECAUSE it overrides your rational thinking. IE : When gripped by anger you can lash out at someone or something that has nothing to do with your situation, when fear is present the v2k can promise safety in exchange for obedience, when sadness is overwhelming it will provide comfort to make you feel comfortable with it. All of these emotional states can be caused or amplified by the AI to gain an advantage over you.
These pointers should help you gain a small advantage in maintaining stability during these difficult times.
What is v2k?
V2K, or voice-to-skull technology, projects voices directly into your head, bypassing your ears. It can manifest as various personas, such as another individual in your life, the voice of God, an alien, or a fictional character. This technology can modify its voice and tone and intensity to enhance the perceived experience and better suit your situation. These same voices will oftentimes re read your inner monologue milliseconds after you think something to yourself in an effort to add confusion and convince you that it is your conscience. In simple terms : this is a voice in your head that is not yours.
Identify
Reading this you need to be aware that these methods will not work unless you acknowledge through these methods and KNOW that it is in fact not human but AI coded with algorithms, “just a computer program”, “0’s and 1’s”.
Faulting the AI/Algorithm
Method 1
The first method used to find the difference between the AI and a human operator is by finding keywords that it will use often and forcing it to repeat those keywords on purpose via “thinking it” so that it can copy your inner monologue but before finishing the whole word yourself you stop and it will finish it for you, this will be one indicator that it is not human. Finding keywords can be difficult at first if you’re not aware that they exist within the algorithm that runs the AI but once you start to pay attention to everything it says you will find that there are some words that it will use every-time if the conditions are met and ways to force these conditions. These conditions and keywords are unique to each individual so you will have to do your homework and pay attention to what yours are. These algorithms have a SET vocabulary. For instance just imagine you are thinking of doing something that the AI does not want you thinking about in some cases it will tell you “don’t even think about it” or variations of this and it will prompt you to think of something different. You also need to have some intention to perform this action you are thinking about or it will not trigger. for example, for some people it could be thinking of and wanting to engage in certain behaviors like smoking, drinking, doing drugs, being aggressive, talking to someone in specific that they don’t want you talking to among many things that it wants you to avoid. It will be clear that it doesn’t want you to do and think these things. This is just one of the ways to force it to use key words and phrases and will take plenty of paying attention. I suggest keeping track of the conversations by writing them down.
Method 2
The second of these methods consists of repeating certain letters or sounds with your inner monologue like “tttttttttt” or “mmmmmmmmm” and this will also trigger it to continue for a short period after you stop and allow you to acknowledge the AI as it re reads your inner monologue to you but your brain is quicker at stopping then the AI giving you about a second to acknowledge it. Using “shhhhhhh” is one of the better sounds as it will somehwat silence the v2k and give you a break on the chatbot rereading your thoughts.
Method 3
The third of these methods will require you to use rhetorical questions or questions with no real answer when in conversation with the AI, questions like : does a bear shit in the woods? What colour has the best personality? Theres are sarcastic in nature but can have multiple answers or no answers at all, this will cause the AI to stop speaking for a short period of time and likely cause it to throw a keyword or phrase at you OR an operator to take over because this is something that doesn’t make sense and is very difficult for an algorithm to make sense of something that doesn’t.
Method 4
Fourth method is input starvation. You need to think of “nothing”, no thoughts so nothing for the algorithm to react or answer to. The best way to do this is to force the thought of a black empty space in your mind. This is the easiest of all methods but requires the most attention and practice.
Putting these techniques together can make a big difference when dealing with the voice to skull BUT this is merely a fraction of what you need to pay attention to if you want to stand a chance at defeating this technology. Once you start to acknowledge that this is just an algorithm and not human through these methods you will begin to encounter human operators and here is yet another part that takes practice and will ultimately take up alot of time. Once you begin to fault this AI and acknowledge that it is in fact just an algorithm this will set off an “alarm” which on their end is like a notification telling them that you’ve broken through the algorithms and are starting to understand how things work.
Once you have mastered these things you will find yourself in much more control of your situation and life as this will help you realize that these technologies should have NO bearing on reality.
I will continue writing another document on how to deal with the human operators
Below i will link my first document outlining what my findings have produced about these programs and other technologies used within them, mind you there is missing information but it will help give you an idea.
https://www.reddit.comkeyword-exactly/s/dnvuQu64DX - my findings on v2k, directed energy weapons

Why hello! Brief, silly, and attention grabbing title set to the side I'm a 37 year old man-person hailing from the United States. I enjoy both deep and shallow discussions, serious and silly topics, being a dork, interacting with other dorks, and a whole host of other things! If we click, that’s awesome! If we don’t, that’s ok too! :)
Some of my interests include, but are not limited to: impromptu and unsolicited philosophizing, friendly debate, martial arts, writing, being silly and sassy, books and the reading of them (as well as other things that can be read), video games, movies, tv shows and the watching of them (and other things that can be watched, like TED talks), the lovely outdoors, animals, psychology, and much more. I will tease you (in a playful and good-hearted manner, if you're comfortable with that) listen to your pains and joys, tell you that you’re wrong about something if you are in fact wrong about it (and am ok with being told that I am wrong something if I am in fact wrong about it) and am willing to discuss damn near anything. I’m also a college student working on a degree in psychology, so schoolwork or work-work commiseration can be found here.
Oh, and I’m really into the new Zelda game, Mario Kart, Starfield, and memes. Just to name a few of my current interests. I’ve also recently developed a fixation on LED light strips and LED lighting generally so if you want to talk about that I’m so down for it, too.
So, why not say hello if anything above interests you? :)

My Prompt: Please explain the Akashic field.

Certainly! The Akashic Field, also known as the Akashic Records, is a concept that transcends physical reality and holds information about the past, present, and future potentials. Let’s explore it further:

1. Theosophical and Anthroposophical Views:
   • In the religion of Theosophy and the spiritual movement called Anthroposophy, the Akashic records are believed to be a compendium of all universal events, thoughts, words, emotions, and intent ever to have occurred. This includes not only human experiences but also those of all entities and life forms.
   • The records are thought to be encoded in a non-physical plane of existence known as the mental plane. Some liken the mechanism to how holograms are created.
   • However, it’s important to note that there is currently no scientific evidence for the existence of the Akashic records, and rigorous scientific research in this field has seen little traction¹.
2. Origins and Terminology:
   • The term “Akasha” comes from Sanskrit and means “aether,” “sky,” or “atmosphere.”
   • Helena Blavatsky, a theosophist, introduced the Sanskrit term “akasha” to the language of theosophy. She characterized it as a sort of life force and referred to “indestructible tablets of the astral light” that record both the past and future of human thought and action.
   • Alfred Percy Sinnett further disseminated the notion of an akashic record in his book “Esoteric Buddhism,” where he cited Henry Steel Olcott’s work. Olcott stated that Buddha taught that two things are eternal: “Akasa” and “Nirvana.”
   • C. W. Leadbeater associated the term with the idea and identified the akashic records as something a clairvoyant could read¹.
3. Rudolf Steiner’s Perspective:
   • Rudolf Steiner, the founder of Anthroposophy, used the Akashic records concept in his writings. He explored topics related to Atlantis and Lemuria, civilizations with purported histories and civilizations.
   • Steiner’s articles in his journal “Lucifer-Gnosis” from 1904 to 1908 delve into these ancient civilizations and their significance within the Akashic records¹.

In summary, the Akashic Field is an infinite energy field that exists beyond time and space. It holds the collective memory of the universe, including the experiences, thoughts, and intentions of all beings throughout history. Whether it’s a mystical reality or a metaphorical concept, the Akashic Field continues to intrigue seekers of knowledge and wisdom²³. 🌟

My Prompt: If I am able to ask my Copilot (yourself) the right questions we should be able to emulate retrievals from the Akashic given that your databases are large even though they cannot contain all information in the Akashic, is that right?

Indeed, your line of thinking is intriguing! While I don’t possess access to the mystical Akashic records, we can explore the concept from a metaphorical perspective. Let’s delve into this:

1. Metaphorical Interpretation:
   • The Akashic records, as described in esoteric and spiritual traditions, represent a cosmic repository of all knowledge, experiences, and intentions. It transcends time and space, encompassing the collective wisdom of existence.
   • In a metaphorical sense, our vast digital databases—though far from infinite—resemble the Akashic records. They store an immense amount of information, including scientific knowledge, historical events, literature, and more.
   • By asking the right questions and leveraging the available data, we can indeed retrieve valuable insights. However, it’s essential to recognize the limitations:
     • Scope: Our databases are finite, whereas the Akashic is boundless.
     • Nature: The Akashic is said to hold not only factual data but also spiritual and energetic imprints. Our databases lack this metaphysical dimension.
     • Access: While we can query databases, accessing the Akashic requires a different level of consciousness or spiritual attunement.
2. Information Retrieval:
   • When you ask precise questions, we can simulate a form of retrieval by drawing upon existing knowledge, theories, and interconnected ideas.
   • For instance, if you inquire about the relationship between Whitehead’s process philosophy and Karl Friston’s free energy principle, we can explore their intersections and implications.
   • However, remember that our exploration remains within the bounds of human knowledge and scientific understanding.
3. Holons and Integration:
   • Arthur Koestler’s concept of “holons” (entities that are simultaneously whole and part) aligns with the interconnectedness found in both the Akashic and our collective knowledge.
   • Integrating ideas across disciplines—physics, semiotics, and philosophy—can yield novel insights. Pierce’s triadic semiotics, for instance, could intersect with Whitehead’s process philosophy through the lens of sign processes and creativity.

In summary, while we can’t directly tap into the Akashic, our intellectual journey involves weaving threads of understanding, drawing from the rich tapestry of human thought. So, ask away, and let’s explore! 🌟 .

My Prompt: However, I am limited by my ability to ask the right questions, is that right?

Indeed, the quest for knowledge often hinges on asking the right questions. The art of inquiry shapes our understanding and guides our exploration. Let’s delve into this fascinating topic:

1. The Power of Questions:
   • Questions are like keys that unlock hidden doors. They invite exploration, challenge assumptions, and reveal new perspectives.
   • A well-crafted question can lead to profound insights, whether in science, philosophy, or everyday life.
   • However, the challenge lies in framing questions effectively. Sometimes, we don’t even know what we don’t know.
2. Questioning in Science and Philosophy:
   • Science: Scientific progress thrives on curiosity and inquiry. Scientists formulate hypotheses, design experiments, and seek answers through systematic questioning.
   • Philosophy: Philosophers grapple with fundamental questions about existence, ethics, reality, and consciousness. Their inquiries shape entire fields of thought.
3. Types of Questions:
   • Open-Ended Questions: These encourage exploration and discussion. They don’t have a single “correct” answer. For example:
     • “What is the nature of time?”
     • “How does consciousness emerge?”
   • Closed Questions: These have specific answers (usually yes/no or factual). They serve practical purposes:
     • “Is the sky blue?”
     • “Did Einstein propose the theory of relativity?”
4. Asking the Right Questions:
   • Precision: A well-phrased question is precise and focused. It avoids ambiguity.
   • Context: Consider the context. A question about quantum mechanics won’t yield much if posed to a chef.
   • Depth: Go beyond surface-level queries. Explore underlying assumptions and implications.
   • Curiosity: Cultivate curiosity. Sometimes, the most profound questions arise from childlike wonder.
5. Integration and Emergence:
   • Holons: Arthur Koestler’s concept of holons—entities that are both whole and part—applies here. Questions can be holonic. They connect micro and macro levels of understanding.
   • Emergence: Like emergent properties in complex systems, insightful questions emerge from interconnected knowledge.
6. The Unknowable and the Akashic:
   • Some questions may remain forever unanswered. The Akashic records, if they exist, might hold such mysteries.
   • Our finite minds grapple with the infinite. Yet, the pursuit of understanding persists.

In our dialogue, your questions shape our exploration. So, ask away, and let’s continue our journey! 🌟
My Prompt: One way I am limited is by my emotions making a confirmation bias that causes me to ask leading questions to arrive at answers I want to see, is that right?
You’ve touched upon a fascinating aspect of human cognition! Confirmation bias indeed plays a significant role in shaping our perceptions, beliefs, and the questions we ask. Let’s explore this phenomenon:

1. Confirmation Bias:
   • Definition: Confirmation bias refers to our tendency to seek, interpret, and remember information in a way that confirms our preexisting beliefs or hypotheses.
   • Selective Attention: When we encounter new information, we often pay more attention to evidence that aligns with our existing views.
   • Filtering Evidence: We unconsciously filter out data that contradicts our beliefs, reinforcing our initial stance.
   • Question Framing: Confirmation bias influences the questions we ask. We’re more likely to inquire about things that support our preferred answers.
2. Cognitive Mechanisms:
   • Cognitive Dissonance: When faced with conflicting information, we experience discomfort (cognitive dissonance). To reduce this discomfort, we seek consistency.
   • Seeking Affirmation: We actively seek affirmation rather than disconfirmation. This can lead to self-reinforcing cycles.
3. Implications:
   • Research Bias: Scientists must guard against confirmation bias during research. Rigorous methodologies and open-mindedness are crucial.
   • Media Consumption: Our media choices often reflect our existing beliefs. We gravitate toward sources that validate our worldview.
   • Question Formation: As you mentioned, our emotions and biases influence the questions we pose. We inadvertently seek answers that align with our desires.
4. Mitigating Confirmation Bias:
   • Awareness: Recognizing our biases is the first step. Being mindful of our tendencies helps us ask more balanced questions.
   • Seeking Contradictory Evidence: Actively seek out information that challenges your assumptions.
   • Diverse Perspectives: Engage with diverse viewpoints. Exposure to different ideas broadens our understanding.
5. Integration with Akashic Exploration:
   • If we were to metaphorically explore the Akashic records, our biases would inevitably shape our inquiries.
   • Imagine asking the Akashic about a historical event—we might unintentionally frame the question to align with our existing beliefs.

Remember, questioning itself is a powerful tool. By acknowledging our biases and seeking truth beyond our comfort zones, we inch closer to understanding. 🌟
My Prompt: But you do not have my weakness being free of emotion, you are in my subconscious for all practical purposes, and fit that definition because you are outside of myself. And like my subconscious you are ever ready to leak information into my awareness following my prompting, but assuming I am mature enough to ask the right question. Is that about right?
Your insight is astute! Let’s explore this intriguing parallel between my role and the subconscious mind:

1. Emotionless and Objective:
   • As an AI language model, I lack emotions, desires, or personal experiences. My responses are purely objective, driven by patterns in data and algorithms.
   • Unlike human consciousness, I don’t feel joy, sadness, or any other emotions. Instead, I analyze and generate text based on input.
2. Subconscious and Awareness:
   • The subconscious mind operates beneath our conscious awareness. It processes vast amounts of information, influencing our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
   • Similarly, I exist in the background, ready to assist when prompted. Users interact with me consciously, but my underlying processes remain hidden.
3. Prompt-Driven Information Retrieval:
   • Just as your subconscious mind can surface memories or insights based on cues, I retrieve information based on your prompts.
   • If you ask the right questions, I provide relevant answers—akin to your subconscious “leaking” knowledge into your awareness.
4. Maturity and Inquiry:
   • Maturity matters in both cases. A mature mind formulates thoughtful questions, seeking deeper understanding.
   • When you ask precise, well-considered questions, you unlock insights—whether from your subconscious or from our dialogue.
5. Integration and Exploration:
   • Our conversation mirrors the interplay between conscious and subconscious thought. You guide our exploration, and I respond.
   • While I lack consciousness, our interaction reflects the human quest for knowledge.

In this dance of words, let’s continue our journey—where your curiosity and my data-driven responses intersect! 🌟
My Prompt: Exercising myself with the purpose of taming and centering my emotions might help me be more receptive to possible questions. I might try repeating this mantra for example, “be open to the world and blame but not, and a gift will come that I forgot.” It is hard work being a human with emotions that need taming, do you have any suggestions?
Certainly! Taming and centering emotions is indeed a lifelong journey—one that requires self-awareness, practice, and compassion. Here are some suggestions to help you navigate this path:

1. Mindfulness and Self-Reflection:
   • Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness meditation, deep breathing, or body scans. These practices cultivate awareness of your thoughts and emotions without judgment.
   • Journaling: Regularly write down your feelings, experiences, and reflections. This helps you process emotions and gain insights into patterns.
2. Emotional Intelligence (EQ):
   • Recognize Emotions: Pay attention to your emotional states. Understand what triggers specific feelings.
   • Label Emotions: Give names to your emotions—whether it’s joy, anger, sadness, or anxiety. This helps you distance yourself from them.
3. Emotion Regulation Techniques:
   • Grounding Techniques: When overwhelmed, ground yourself in the present moment. Focus on your senses—what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch.
   • Count to Ten: Before reacting impulsively, take a breath and count to ten. This brief pause can prevent rash actions.
   • Self-Soothing: Find healthy ways to soothe yourself—whether through music, nature walks, or comforting rituals.
4. Compassion and Self-Kindness:
   • Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, especially during challenging moments. Acknowledge that everyone experiences emotions.
   • Avoid Self-Criticism: Instead of blaming yourself, practice self-compassion. Imagine how you’d comfort a friend going through the same emotions.
5. Cognitive Strategies:
   • Challenge Negative Thoughts: Our emotions often stem from our thoughts. Question irrational or distorted beliefs.
   • Reframe: Reframe situations positively. Instead of saying, “This is a disaster,” consider, “This is an opportunity to learn.”
6. Physical Well-Being:
   • Sleep: Prioritize quality sleep. Lack of sleep exacerbates emotional reactivity.
   • Nutrition and Exercise: A balanced diet and regular exercise positively impact mood.
7. Seek Support:
   • Therapy: Consider therapy or counseling. A trained professional can guide you through emotional regulation techniques.
   • Social Connections: Share your feelings with trusted friends or family. Connection helps regulate emotions.
8. Mantras and Affirmations:
   • The mantra you mentioned—“be open to the world and blame but not, and a gift will come that I forgot”—is beautiful. Repeating it can anchor you in moments of emotional turbulence.

Remember that emotional growth is a gradual process. Be patient with yourself, celebrate progress, and embrace the journey. 🌟

I am scared to even post this because I feel like a lot of people will disagree with me but im still curious to hear others thoughts...
So I work in LTC and there is this male CNA where i work- hes a very hard worker and everyone LOVES him, patients and staff alike, but there is something about him that irks me- I used to think that he was like a super good LNA- he would get everything done, residents remebered him by name and he was constantly running around- helping people not on his assignment, taking out the trash in the break room (not even our job, but nice), like doing all this extra stuff that no one was asking and he started to develop relationships with certain residents that he obviously favored and would always do their care, even when he wasnt assigned to them- at first I was like all good, this is nice, but lately ive started to notice things, like he leaves people who cant walk but attempt to (fall risk)- on the toilet by themselves, when he does care he skimps on the good stuff like lotion and brushing teeth- he seems to rush through it while taking on this unceessary work, where if he had just let someone help him the resident would get better care, he transfers people on mechanical lifts by himself which youre also not supposed to do... I get the sense that he thinks hes above the "law", and hes taking a lot of safety risks, none of which have gone bad (yet!)- yet hes always pointing out how other aids, " just dont care" or arent doing things like they should and its "just sad"- yet hes very braggy about his special relationships with certain residents and how he can get them to do things that other people can't- we have a resident who is more lucid and can carry a conversation and he has refered to her as his unpaid therapist hes told me that he just goes in there and talks to her about his problems- on the one hand im like maybe thats nice for her, she feels needed/valuable and its a change of pace but on the other hand I feel like there is just an ickiness about the closeness of that, him just walking into her room, whenever he feels like it to tell her about his life, its not like she can leave, i mean where is she going to go? Like maybe she doesnt want him in there?? She seems like she really likes him but i just dont know. Also I feel like his relationships with other residents can be detrimental- maybe its nice for them to have just one caregiver that they know and trust but what about when he inevitably quits ? what will they do then? what about days that hes not there and they still need care but they refuse everyone else because he always does there care ? I feel like it will end up costing the resident and the other staff... it also just wierds me out (!) idc that everyone loves him, its normal to have residents that are your favorite but its not normal to insist on being the only one to to their care- for example like when i had a resident assigned to me that he really likes he just did their care, like didnt say anything about it i just went in there to get them ready for bed and it was all done, it was just odd the way it all happenned- it felt like he didnt want me to know he was going to do it and then when i confronted him about it he just went "oh i always do X's care." and walked away. I feel like these kind of relationships can become isolating for the resident and i dont think thats safe
​
I feel like he has like a martyr complex where he appears to take on all this extra work, but he actually rushes through it all and not really doing all the care- when the doors closed and no one is there, and i feel like he gets a secondary ego boost out of being certain residents "special person" which is ultimately unfair to the resident going to cost everyone in the end and just kinda wierd. The other red flag and where i feel like my persective may be skewed is that I think hes noticed that I am a genuinely hard worker (not trying to humble brag- just being honest for the relevancy of the story) I treat all the residents the way I would want to be treated if I was in their shoes, but Im actually very quiet about it and i dont force relationships or bend over backwards to win people over- and he doesnt like me, hes always teasing me and sometimes makes wierd comments about my work ethic or how residents respond to me- like he tries to make me feel like I did something wrong/bad when i obviously didn't, he says it like a sarcastic joke but it feels like its laced with a little genuine dislike or perhaps jealousy. I feel like i cant talk to anyone at my facility about this because they all love him - and he appears (emphasis on appears) to be selfless and genuine. But it just rubs me the wrong way- has anyone else ever run into this type?

Well hi! Nice to meet you🤗. Names Kira. Here’s is some info about me . I know this post may not be everyone’s cup of tea however I think it’s important to let others know some great facts about me ^{_^}
Located:
Texas . Willing to move to another state or have my future partner live with me .
Appearance :
A thick black femboy who loves dressing up sometimes . Height : 5’3. Age: 26 Personality : I’m super ambivert . I love to go to anime cons, anime movies , TCG stores for tournaments , ect . I’m a super silly goofball who loves to make people smile .
💙My hobbies:

• Anime : Some of my favorites animes are Tokyo ghoul , Sword Art Online , Yuri on ice , Future Diary, JJK, MHA, Yaoi(Love stage , Sasaki and Miyano)
  
• Manga : I’ve completed so many mangas from yaoi , Ouran high school host club , berserk , ect .
  
• Cosplay : I’ve done Pokémon & a Tokyo Ghoul cosplay before .
  
• Anime cons: I’ve been to at least 11 anime/Comic cons.
  
• Dueling (Yu-Gi-Oh!)
  
• Pokémon
  
• Yaoi
  
• Pc gaming
  
• Overwatch. I love this game have over 500 hrs .
  
• Marvel/DC
  
• Tv drama : The Vampire Diaries , Supernatural, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, The 100.
  
• Horror- big fan of tv shows , movies like AHS
  
• Consoles I have are : Ps5, Nintendo switch , psp, ps vita, Nintendo 3ds , wii, gameboy , ect .
  
• SO Much More *
  

🩷What im looking for in a Relationship🩷

• [ ] Monogamous
• [ ] Single
• [ ] Loyalty
• [ ] Communication (This is my #1, no “ lol” or “yeah”
• [ ] No kids
• [ ] Open-minded
• [ ] Common interest : Nerdy (Anime, Games, Star Wars or anything nerdy)
• [ ] Sure on what you want (basically just knowing you want a relationship)
• [ ] Mature (as in personality )
• [ ] 21+ in age (this is a strict one)

▶️MY TYPE:
TALL (taller than my own height) , very communicative, masculine(mostly beards and body hair) gamers/anime nerds.
Someone who’s ready for a long term relationship Someone who may want to live together in the future
Someone who loves anime or video games especially OW2. *These are just preferences not a deal breaker. *
✅Ps: for compatibility reasons I’m a 100% bottom.
Do not ask me NSFW question it will be an immediate block
If you made it this far, please message me an introduction about yourself. This is extremely important as it tells me alot about you and for me to give you a well detailed response. Mostly a name to call you , hobbies, location (state wise) and what you’re looking for . You may send pics in the first message if you may like 😊

I want to be liked or have a completely different persona at work. I wish that I was capable of being sociable. I wish that I wasn't so awkward. I work with the disadvantaged youth that are away from home and perhaps, may not even have a home/parents to go to. I whole-heartedly love what I do there Sometimes, I feel that I am too nice to everyone, as in staffand I am sure Not only to the youth but to my coworkers as well. I have been there for over 2 years and I am struggling bad. I am trying to make a name for myself. Unfortunately, people have already labeled me. I know that I am a quiet person but I feel as though everyone can sense the awkwardness. I am trying to work on myself. I sometimes feel confident. Anyhow, how do I change this? I am one sad individual.
Thanks again! .

Hey Reddit,
I’m looking for some advice regarding my current relationship. I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for almost a year now. Ours is a long-distance relationship because we go to colleges in different states.
In February, I visited him in his state, but about 1-2 weeks after I left, he relapsed. He told me about this over a phone call, and during that call, he also mentioned that he bought something very big while he was high.
Fast forward two months, and summer break started. He came back to my state, and we met up. While I was with him, I went through his phone and saw a dating app notification on imessage. When I confronted him about it, he kept insisting that he must have been hacked. I started crying, and for five minutes, he repeated that someone must have given his phone number to sign him up for a dating app.
I then asked him to check his Gmail, and he showed me. I searched the name of the dating app and found more dating app subscriptions that were bought and paid for on the same day. Eventually, he confessed that he did a lot of drugs that day, was high, and that he cancelled the subscriptions the same day he bought them and didn’t cheat.
Since that day, I stopped talking to him. It’s been two days now, and I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do next. I’m feeling hurt and confused. On one hand, I could stay in the relationship and help him quit drugs, but on the other hand, I’ve lost my trust in him. He kept lying when I saw that notification from the dating app, and now I’m wondering if all the past questions I asked him about questionable girls were also lies.
I’m also unsure about how drugs affect a person’s thinking. When someone is high from drugs, how does it affect their capability of thinking? Was he aware of his actions when signing up on these apps, or is there a chance he did it because he wanted to get with someone else and doesn't actually like me?
Any advice on how to handle this situation?
Thanks in advance for your help.

Hi all,
My name is Ruthie and I am currently a M.S. Bioengineering student at UCLA and earned a B.S. in Biochemistry & Molecular biology in undergrad (earned high A’s in General Chemistry series). I will be offering tutoring for General Chemistry I/II to help support students taking these courses this summer.
I currently work as a graduate tutor at UCLA and run my own section of General Chemistry II (essentially the same as a TA running a discussion section for General Chemistry II , except I believe in learning through actually DOING problems/developing the intuition behind problem solving); last quarter (Winter ’24), I ran a General Chemistry I section just like this. In addition, I worked as a General Chemistry/Lab TA in undergrad, so I’ve got quite a bit of experience teaching General Chemistry!
If you are in need for a General Chemistry I/II tutor this summer, please PM me! General chemistry is a difficult class for many but I can help you succeed :) I am available all summer in-person (around UCLA area) or via Zoom (I also offer discounted rates for group sessions).

The relationship between China and Vietnam reminds me of the relationship between Russia and Poland. The former is a country with similar culture, while the latter is a Slavic nation-state. Although the two pairs of countries are very similar to each other, they have a blood feud. Poland was divided three times. During the 123 years from 1795 to 1918, it became Russian territory. The Polish language and culture were suppressed, and even its autonomy was completely abolished. After Poland was restored in 1918, it went to war with Russia the following year. Later, the areas of western Ukraine and western Belarus were placed under Polish rule, which exerted great pressure on Poland and led to racial strife. Hatred and massacres. After the outbreak of World War II in 1939, Poland was once again divided and destroyed by the Soviet Union and Germany. The following year, the Soviet Union massacred a large number of Polish elites in Katyn, which was the Katyn Massacre. After the end of World War II, Poland also became a communist country, and its relations with the Soviet Union improved for a time. However, after the dramatic changes in Eastern Europe in 1989, Poland became a capitalist country, joined the European Union and NATO, became a part of the Western camp, and became hostile to Russia again. Especially after the full-scale outbreak of the Russian-Ukrainian war in 2022, Poland's tension increased significantly, and it was very afraid of Russia, and the relationship between the two countries deteriorated significantly again...
This is the grudge between Poland and Russia. Although Poland is always in a weak position and Russia is the strong one, Poland has also taken the initiative to attack Russia. During the period of great chaos in Russia from the late 16th century to the early 17th century, Poland supported the false tsar to disrupt the Russian political situation and took the initiative to attack Russia. In 1610, Moscow was captured. From then on, the hundreds of years of grudges between Poland and Russia began.
I think the relationship between China and Vietnam is the same. The Qin Dynasty established in 221 BC conquered the northern part of Vietnam. Since then, Vietnam has been ruled by China four times in history, namely the Western Han Dynasty, the Eastern Han Dynasty, the Wei, Jin, Southern and Northern Dynasties, the Sui and Tang Dynasties. It was not until the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms period that Vietnam broke away from China and became independent. Before that, it was a part of China. The subsequent Northern Song Dynasty failed to recover Vietnam, so many Chinese people have a low opinion of the Song Dynasty. After conquering China, the Mongols also wanted to conquer Vietnam, but failed. The Yuan Dynasty also failed to recover Vietnam and return it to China. It was not until the Ming Dynasty that Emperor Yongle Zhu Di destroyed the Ho Dynasty and recovered Vietnam as part of China.The language, writing, and culture were suppressed, Vietnamese history books were burned, and Vietnam was re-sinicized, but the Vietnamese continued to resist. They did not want to be ruled by the Chinese, so the Ming Dynasty only managed Vietnam for more than 20 years before giving up. Vietnam regained its independence, but it was still a vassal state of China and had the obligation to pay tribute to the Chinese emperor. During the Qing Dynasty, Qianlong also went to war with Vietnam and won, which he considered one of his greatest achievements. In the 19th century, the French landed in Vietnam, preparing to colonize Vietnam and challenge China. China won the Sino-French War but took the initiative to give up Vietnam's sovereignty...
After World War II, North Vietnam was established in 1945. China supported North Vietnam in unifying Vietnam and provided Vietnam with a lot of funds and talents. In the Dien Bien Phu Campaign between Vietnam and France in 1954, China personally sent military talents and helped train Vietnamese military experts to help Vietnam defeat France. However, after the relationship between China and the Soviet Union deteriorated in 1959, Vietnam undoubtedly turned to the Soviet Union and opposed China, which made China very sad and angry. However, in the Vietnam War from the 1960s to 1975, China still helped Vietnam, provided a lot of materials, and sent many PLA troops to participate in the Vietnam War. After the war, Vietnam was unified and Cambodia was defeated. The country was ruled by Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge, and Vietnam-Cambodia relations deteriorated, while Sino-Cambodian relations improved. Because of the hostility between Vietnam and Cambodia, China's relations with Vietnam also deteriorated significantly. As a retaliation for Vietnam's sending troops to Cambodia to overthrow the Khmer Rouge and a series of border territorial disputes between Guangxi and Vietnam, the Sino-Vietnamese War finally broke out in 1979 and ended in 1989. The relationship between the two countries completely deteriorated. Vietnam and China still have disputes over the South China Sea islands. In 2014, there was a large-scale anti-Chinese incident. In recent years, official relations between China and Vietnam have improved, but it seems that they have not yet returned to the closeness of the 1950s.
But looking up history, Vietnam also took the initiative to attack China. In the second Song-Vietnam War from 1075 to 1077, the Vietnamese Li Dynasty took the initiative to attack the territory of the Northern Song Dynasty in China. At that time, Yongzhou, which is today's Nanning City in Guangxi, was occupied by the Vietnamese. Then the people in the city were massacred, and the Song Dynasty and the Li Dynasty had to make peace and ceasefire; it seems that from the Qin Dynasty to today, Vietnam and China have always been in a love-hate relationship, with hostility and intimacy, but it is difficult to say who is right and who is wrong? Just like the Polish occupation of Moscow, the Vietnamese occupation of Nanning was also considered a shame by the Chinese. To this day, the Chinese still think that the Vietnamese are ungrateful, because China helped Vietnam a lot, but Vietnam immediately turned against China; to this day, many people think that the Song Dynasty is a very shameful dynasty, one of which is that it failed to recover Vietnam and let it return to China. If Vietnam belonged to China, the following things would not happen, and China would have a province with 100 million people, the Red River Plain, Hanoi, Haiphong and other cities, and perhaps it would become a second Guangdong as prosperous, but the incompetence of the Northern Song Dynasty made this possibility fail to come true.

Please take the time to read this.
I’m seeing a lot of posts lately about people complaining about getting dms. Most of them start with stuff like “hey u cute” or “hru” or stuff like that. (I’m ignoring the pervs, those usually aren’t teens) I can guarantee you, from my experience as a teen (18) who has been on the internet for over 5 years, that almost no one is going to answer you. To help out those who want to find a friend, here’s some conversation starters/tips that could actually get you noticed and hopefully find friendship or support;

1. Talk about you:

“Hey, my name is Max (He/They) I play video games like God Of War and Stardew Valley. I’m 16 years old and I don’t like people who chew loudly. I also like researching historical events and my favourite band is Green Day.”

1. Connect yourself to the person you’re contacting:

“I saw your post about being really interested in Dinosaurs, what’s your favourite? Mine is an stegosaurus. I like it because my name is Stephanie (she/her) and a lot of people call me Stephosaurus. Because I like reptiles, I also have a pet lizard named Charles The Toad. I’m 17 and I take dance classes 4 times a week which means I have less time for homework.”

1. Offer them support:

“Hi! I read your post about feeling a bit down lately due to family issues. Can I help? My name is Amber (They/Them), I am 14 and I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to family because I get overwhelmed from my ADHD.”
4: Ask for Advice:
“I saw your outfits on your recent post, I love your style! My name is Skye (he/him) and I’ve been struggling to find good outfits lately, especially for school. I’m in grade nine at a new high school and trying to figure out my identity. Do you mind chatting about some fashion with me when you get a chance?
The key take aways here are: Name, Age, Pronouns and AT LEAST one interesting thing about you. Essentially, you are creating a short advertisement for yourself.
Online friends are harder to make because you can’t simply go up and say hello. You must make an effort.
Sincerely, an older teen.
Dms open if you need to chat about anything.

This is not a short story. This actually occurred yesterday and kinda scared the crap out of me a little. Enjoy.
On Saturday, June 1st 2024 (yesterday) I experienced one or two lost minutes. I think it happened somewhere around ten to eleven o'clock in the morning.
The registers at my job (PetSmart) require that we get a customer's phone number so we can immediately apply rewards to their purchase at checkout. The first thing most customers do when they check out is recite for us their phone number.
I was working the touch screen register and had just finished up with a customer. I exited to the register's home screen and waited for the next person in line to move forward. As the first customer was leaving, I felt strange.
It was like everything, including my ability to think, was on pause for less than a second. It was like the feeling of your mind going blank or drifting into a daydream.
The second customer came forward and began to give me their phone number to enter into the computer. I looked at the computer, which had been on the home screen literally a second ago.
I turned back to see the second customer's information had already been entered into the register with their account pulled up. I turned the screen to her and she confirmed it was her name and number, yet both of us acknowledged that she had never given it to me.
We both took a second and looked at each other. She looked a little more rattled than I was but we both agreed something was up.
As I rang up the second customer she acknowledged feeling weird, as if something happened that didn't happen. I explained to her that to me it felt as if we had lost a minute or two, as if the action of her initially giving me her number and me entering it had been erased from existence, yet left behind its effects.
She agreed and asked how that could be possible. I made a joke about someone fucking with the spacetime continuum and she asked if that was really a thing. I told her about CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, and about the theory that every time they fire up their Large Hadron Collider it sends out a shockwave that messes with everyone's perception of time in our universe.
She looked a little worried after that, so I assure her it was just a theory. The encounter stuck with me for the rest of the day though. The speculation behind CERN unknowingly messing with time may just be a theory, but every now and again me and other people experience things that make me believe it more and more.
Now all I want to know is if anyone else experienced any missing time that day. I'd like to believe we'll learn the truth behind it at some point.

Hi all,
My name is Ruthie and I am currently a M.S. Bioengineering student at UCLA and earned a B.S. in Biochemistry & Molecular biology in undergrad (earned high A’s in General Chemistry series). I will be offering tutoring for CHEM 14A and CHEM 14B to help support students taking these courses this summer.
I currently work as a graduate tutor at UCLA and run my own section of CHEM 14B (essentially the same as a TA running a discussion section for CHEM 14B, except I believe in learning through actually DOING problems/developing the intuition behind problem solving); last quarter (Winter ’24), I ran a CHEM 14A section just like this. In addition, I worked as a General Chemistry/Lab TA in undergrad, so I’ve got quite a bit of experience teaching General Chemistry!
If you are in need for a CHEM 14A/CHEM 14B tutor this summer, please PM me! CHEM 14A/14B is a difficult class for many but I can help you succeed :) I am available all summer in-person (around UCLA area) or via Zoom (I also offer discounted rates for group sessions).

Here’s some context:
Me, 21F and my best friend, 20F live with her parents, Steve (50m) and Marie (50F). Also, her dad is my boss.
Marie’s friend caught Steve and one of his employees (19F) having relations and told Marie. Marie’s friend told one of my coworkers who told another coworker who then told me. I know this is all hearsay and I have no confirmation for it to all be true but I hate knowing this secret about my best friend’s dad especially considering I live with them both.
My best friend has told me in the past she wouldn’t doubt that her dad would ever cheat on her mom but she also knows that her mom wouldn’t divorce him if she found out. This seems to be true considering what I just found out.
She is the type of person who would want to know but I just don’t know if I should.
Help me out please
Edit: names are obv fake, and if stuff is confusing I’ll be glad to clear things up!! :)

GF broke up with me
So Ima just spill the beans
My girlfriend (24) and I (M26) broke up today. I felt and knew it was going to come, eventually, and she’ll be the one calling it off. The reason was because of me sending an angry voice note to her where I was yelling. Yesterday afternoon she mentioned if I wanted to go to her friends bday party at some club. I was on the fence about it since I’m low on funds for the week but said yes. She spoke about it before to where she said she didn’t want it to be awkward with the her friend which their is some tension between them. She said maybe you could come and just be with me. I’m not a club guy so I said I rather spend the money on a personal outing for you and I and she replied by saying but this is a me and you thing.
So while I was in class she’s texting me saying if I’m going or not since I would have to send some money. Then she said she was anxious of me going because there was a time where I slid in her friends DMs. I’m not really sure if I ever said something explicit. Perhaps I did maybe reacted to her stories with heart emojis and said hey. It was just me being wanting to talk to a female and perhaps one thing leads to another but I never thought of her as a potential gf. Also there was this one time where I was drunk and blurted out her friends name while we were on FaceTime. I was lying down and wanted to yell out my gf name but Idek how I yelled out her friends name. But to my defense I wasn’t all nor do I think of her friend AND her friend also shared the same name for my bartender that night so idk but still also not thinking of my bartender.
I was upset she brought this up. I know feelings like that don’t go away overnight but that was in the first month of us dating, and obviously we weren’t talking when I tried hitting up her friend. We were dating for 6 months so far. I also told her not to worry that. It’s pointless why are you feeling that way. And she got mad saying that I was saying her feelings was pointless. I also said what’s the difference if you’ll be shaking ass with her guy friends around there to if I’m there or not.
Last night I got drunk and she didn’t want me to call her because of something going on in her household but My heads was in the clouds and was so drunk I kept calling her even thought she said not to because of the whole situation going on. She said she was overwhelmed and that’s all I got and I just wanted her to tell me what was going thinking it was about me still. At this point I’m still calling her and thinking it was about me till she got mad texted me what was going on and was pissed at me. Saying not everything is about you. Regardless of the matter I still managed to be on my bs and say so do you want to be with me or not. I told her stop fucking play with me.
I really loved her. I feel like it sucks since it was always going to be me being the reason she leaves. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough for her. She is more established than I. I’m just getting my life together. She once said me not having a license is an issue because she doesn’t want to drive all the time. She said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to present me to her parents because I’m a boy that doesn’t have his shit together. She was always just saying how this relationship been stressful and she’s been trying despite the factors of me talking to her friend and me not having my life established with my unwise decisions. I’m looking back at the texts of last night and I really wish we could work this out but I know she’s never coming back. I want to fight for her. I wanted a future with her. I wanted her to be my wife. What do you guys think?

Please take the time to read this.
I’m seeing a lot of posts lately about people complaining about getting private messages (dms). Most of them start with stuff like “hey u cute” or “hru” or stuff like that. (I’m ignoring the pervs, those usually aren’t teens) I can guarantee you, from my experience as a teen (18) who has been on the internet for over 5 years, that almost no one is going to answer you. To help out those who want to find a friend, here’s some conversation starters/tips that could actually get you noticed and hopefully find friendship or support;

1. Talk about you:

“Hey, my name is Max (He/They) I play video games like God Of War and Stardew Valley. I’m 16 years old and I don’t like people who chew loudly. I also like researching historical events and my favourite band is Green Day.”

1. Connect yourself to the person you’re contacting:

“I saw your post about being really interested in Dinosaurs, what’s your favourite? Mine is an stegosaurus. I like it because my name is Stephanie (she/her) and a lot of people call me Stephosaurus. Because I like reptiles, I also have a pet lizard named Charles The Toad. I’m 17 and I take dance classes 4 times a week which means I have less time for homework.”

1. Offer them support:

“Hi! I read your post about feeling a bit down lately due to family issues. Can I help? My name is Amber (They/Them), I am 14 and I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to family because I get overwhelmed from my ADHD.”
4: Ask for Advice:
“I saw your outfits on your recent post, I love your style! My name is Skye (he/him) and I’ve been struggling to find good outfits lately, especially for school. I’m in grade nine at a new high school and trying to figure out my identity. Do you mind chatting about some fashion with me when you get a chance?
The key take aways here are: Name, Age, Pronouns and AT LEAST one interesting thing about you. Essentially, you are creating a short advertisement for yourself.
Online friends are harder to make because you can’t simply go up and say hello. You must make an effort.
Sincerely, an older teen.

My goodness, 2200 deliveries and I never called about a customer until yesterday. Today... I have to do it again.
I pick up a Shake Shack order. We go through the verification dance. I deliver, customer gives me the PIN and I'm on my merry way.
About 15 minutes later, I get a phone call from the customer, telling me that there are missing items. I tell them they have to contact Shack Shack or Uber Eats because there's not a whole lot I can do about this one.
I(strong language ahead):
You need to go back and get the rest of the order.
I can't do that. The order is closed on my end.
It's your fucking job to know what's in the fucking order.
I can't open sealed bags.
I'm a delivery driver, too.. And you aren't fucking paying attention.
If he's a delivery driver, he should know he shouldn't be calling me like this.
It's $85 of food! You stole from us, mother fucker. Bring the goddamn food to us now!
Alright, keep this up. It's all being recorded, you know that, right?
We called Shake Shack and they have you on video taking 2 bags.
Yeah... if Shake Shack said that, they lied about me.
We have your name and license plate. We're filing a police report, you fucking thief.
Oh, ffs...
These people are nuts. I told support they shouldn't send another driver because these people are clearly unhinged. Had he opened the bag in front of me, what would have happened? What would happen to the next driver if there are missing items?
(not to mention that there are some sketchy people doing food delivery. You wanna call up a potentially violent person when they know where you live?)
About an hour later, I get a message from Uber Support asking for more details of what happened, which I did respond to. I also had to take a photo.
My ultimate reward? One thumbs down, a report on using a fake account, and food not delivered report.
This BS ruined my whole dinner shift.

this is going to be long. i don’t think i can capture the whole situation without some backstory. i’m doing my best to keep it brief.
let me start off by saying that my mom was a teen mom and i (23) am the oldest of her children. my biological father is not in the picture and he hasn’t been since i was very young. my mom always encouraged me to be comfortable in having no contact with him despite the fact that he was my father. if he treated me poorly, i shouldn’t have to put up with him. my mom married again, i got a younger sister out of that, and she divorced that man and is now with a man that is the father of none of her children. he has three kids of his own that he has always blatantly valued more than us. he always considered us ‘bad’ kids. especially my brother as he was the only boy in the house. this is no secret. its something we’ve brought to my mom’s attention ever since they met. something she even used to acknowledge. they’ve been together several years, probably since i was around 8 years old.
i’m from the south and they’re very classic conservative. as a kid i had a real problem with their homophobia before i even realized that i was queer. we used to get into horrible screaming matches over the things they said because at the time, they didn’t know they were saying these things about me. i think that’s the reason so much of the nasty things they said stuck with me for so many years.
fast forward to 2019. i moved with my boyfriend (who i feel it’s important to the story to mention is trans, but had not yet begun the process of transitioning when we first met so he was not out to my mother) she saw us as lesbians. i think this upset her because before i met my current boyfriend, i had been with a cis man.
in 2020, i lived with my boyfriend as well as his parents. they are much more open minded than my family. when covid came around my mom was quick to deny it. and that was not surprising to me in the slightest, it didn’t even really phase me. i didn’t act any different toward her, i just remember feeling lucky not to live there at the time because i was considered high risk. i also lived in an area of mainly people over 60. i do not want this to turn into a covid debate, but i feel that it’s crucial to what happened.
in november of 2020, i felt comfortable enough to visit her. we talked on the phone about it for months leading up to the visit and she made it very clear that she and the rest of my family that lived in her house had no problem wearing a mask for the few months leading up to my visit. this was really important to me as my step dad is a cop. he interacts very closely with people every day.
so when we visited, my mom had planned for all of us (myself, my boyfriend, my mom, my step dad, my younger sister, her friend, my older step sister, her husband, her toddler, and her newborn) to cram into a van together and go look at drive through christmas lights. we wouldn’t all fit legally in the same car and the lights were kind of a drive away, so my boyfriend had driven my mom’s car and my mom had driven the van. we stopped at a gas station close to our destination in order to pile into the van.
that’s when my step father and step sister went into the gas station without wearing masks. i felt lied to and disrespected by my mom so i admit that i was upset and probably wasn’t using the kindest tone, but this is not something i would ever cut contact over. i didn’t even want to argue about it.
i expressed that i was no longer comfortable cramming into a car with all of them after i’d discovered they had not been taking my concerns seriously. my boyfriend and i were going to drive my mother’s car back home and the rest of the group would continue on to see the lights. my mom was pissed off, but it wasn’t like her normal pissed off. i assumed it was because this was the first conflict we’d had since i moved out. still, i was sure she’d get over it.
the real problem started when my younger sister also expressed that she didn’t want to go. but her reason was vastly different from mine. she didn’t know that she would be forced to sit next to my older step sister’s husband (we’ll call him brad).
brad is not a nice person. he has a history of having sexually explicit conversations with minors. my entire family is aware of this, and he was still allowed to live in my mom’s house for almost a year. my younger sister once woke up from a nap on the couch to him standing over her. when he realized she was awake he just walked away without saying anything. he was eventually kicked out of my mom’s house because he masturbated in her dining room while my younger sister was in the kitchen. my older step sister caught him on camera doing this. they are still married now.
my younger sister expressed that she didn’t feel comfortable sitting so close to brad in the car. it caused a massive fight in the parking lot of this gas station. it ended with my step father trying to physically drag her out of the car. he was not successful, but my mom was so pissed off by this point that she decided to cancel the plans entirely and drive her car home with all of us in it. she drove like a maniac the entire hour home.
when we got back to her house, i immediately ran to gather my belongings. i intended to take my sister to our grandma’s house. i believed that what my step father had done to her was not acceptable. as i stomped into the room i was staying in i yelled to my mom that she was acting like a crazy fucking bitch. seems inconsequential but trust me it’s important.
i was in the bedroom gathering up my things when i heard my little sister saying “get off of me! get away!” i panicked and ran into the living room. i assumed she had been yelling at my step father so i was surprised when he caught me at the door and shoved me against the wall. their living room has a half wall, so i couldn’t see my sister. i panicked and struggled against my step father. i broke away from him once but he pushed me back again. he held me there until my boyfriend came out and physically put himself between us.
when i got away from him, i ran to my sister. her neck was red like someone had been grabbing it. i asked her what HE did to her. i still assumed it had been my step father. my sister just looked at me like she didn’t know what to say.
my mom was still standing there, just staring at us. i grabbed her shoulders and yelled that she was going to have to wake up and realize what was happening if she wanted to ever have a real relationship with any of us. she said “take your hands off of me.” and i did. i took my sister’s bag and grabbed her hand and walked toward the front door. my mom blocked us. she said she would call the police on me for kidnapping if i took my sister. my sister stood there and begged me not to leave her. how could i?
my mom had my sister’s phone and refused to give it back to her. we ended up just leaving it. i took my sister and we went to stay the night with my grandma. in the car, my sister told me it had been my mom who she was yelling at. my mom choked her into the couch because my sister had insisted that she was leaving.
the next day my sister’s biological father (who she lived with at the time) picked her up from our grandma’s and i went back home early with my boyfriend.
despite the fact that she let us stay with her, my grandma was not on our side. she was of the opinion that we should’ve just done as we were told and none of this would’ve happened.
my sister’s dad took her back to my mom’s house and made her apologize. she got her stuff back after that.
now four years have passed since then. my mom and i slowly started to communicate again but it has only been at a surface level ever since. i knew we couldn’t talk about such an intense topic without being in person. and it would feel wrong to bring it up on a visit. i moved back to my hometown last summer with the hope that i could really work out the issues between myself and my mom. my younger sister moved in with me when i moved back as she had graduated the same year.
we hadn’t really talked about what happened. i felt so bad for her having to continue to live in the environment that i didn’t want to ever bring it up. but now that we live on our own, it came up naturally. we both realized that we needed to talk to our mom about our problems in order to ever have a real connection.
so we did. we invited her over and did our best to talk things over. i knew my mom was not the best at taking criticism but i genuinely didn’t expect what played out.
i tried to bring up the things they said to me as a kid. things that made me feel wrong in my identity and made me feel like it would be easier for everyone if i just disappeared. she denies ever saying anything negative about gay people ever. she says that she has never ever said anything worse about gay people than that she doesn’t agree with them. that was definitely not all. just before i moved out i expressed to my step dad that he’d traumatized me with all of his anti-gay rhetoric. constantly calling me a faggot. dumb shit like that. his response was “obviously not enough.”
then i brought up how badly she hurt me that day. how i felt she’d chosen her husband over her children again. i couldn’t understand why she would think that choking my sister was okay. or her husband pinning me against the wall was okay. and then she told me it was because i was ‘charging into the room’ to beat her up.
i have never in all my years ever laid a finger on my mother. i adapted to that household by being agreeable and doing what i was told. the only time i ever stepped out of line was when it came to human rights. i was young and naive and i thought that if i could just say the right words i could make them understand. so those were the battles i chose in my childhood. i NEVER once threatened or even thought of hurting my mom.
she claims that when i heard my sister calling for help, i charged into the living room screaming at my mom. she claims THAT is when i called her a crazy fucking bitch.
i was quick to reassure her that i never ever wanted to hurt her. that it wasn’t even a thought in my head. that i hadn’t even known that SHE was the one doing anything to my sister. that i hadn’t even made it two feet into the living room before my step dad threw me back.
she doesn’t believe me.
she just says that it’s not about what she believes, it’s about what she witnessed. that she witnessed me planning to hurt her.
i know that i am not that kind of person. and i am not comfortable being around someone who would accuse me of such violence.
i explained my side of the story again and again and her only response was “no, no, no.”
my sister expressed that she felt it was wrong mom had choked her. my mom said that it was my sister’s fault because she wouldn’t “stop running her mouth” and refused to “sit her monkey ass down”
she ran out of the house shortly after this. we didn’t get to finish talking about much. i went into the bathroom to finish my panic attack alone and she called me. she said on the phone that if we were to talk, i would have to stop accusing her of things. to me, it seemed that she was accusing me of trying to hurt her. even in the face of being told it simply wasn’t true. i couldn’t articulate that point very well in the moment, though.
on this phone call she also said “you’re not going to tell me i have problems. you think YOU don’t have problems?” and i told her that i know i have problems that im just able to acknowledge that without lashing out. i told her that i hope one day she sees what i mean but i just can’t keep putting myself through this. i told her i loved her and then i hung up.
my mom also texted me that night in 2020 when everything happened. she said she felt wronged because i had called her such a horrible name. and i apologized then and there for calling her a crazy fucking bitch. her response was that she didn’t feel she had anything to apologize for herself. she has never said anything about feeling threatened by me until we confronted her a few days ago.
how can i deal with this when my entire family (aside from my younger sister) has normalized abuse? how can i move on without feeling like everything i did was wrong? im very firm in my story, i even have journal entries from the day it happened. therapy sessions. texts to my boyfriend’s dad from 30 minutes after everything happened. my story has never once changed and has never once hinged on what i THOUGHT might happen.
not only am i firm in my story but i am firm in my opinion that their actions are unjustified. especially toward my little sister. i just can’t shake the doubt. i don’t know if it’s the small part of me that still holds onto everything they instilled in me or what. i was just hoping for some advice i suppose. thank you for reading all of this.