You've finished all 5 LNs, and want more, well this thread has you covered. This will go over what you can read next.

Official Stuff

• Turn Around and Face Me

Well, you've read the LNs, why not read Turn Around and Face Me, the sequel series, set years after the original? May and Aleah Francois are now teenagers, going to an All-Girls Academy. This series is more lighthearted, and won't have any earth-shattering consequences to it. It's just two dumb teenagers in love with people who aren't interested in them. TAFM is still ongoing, and we should be getting chapter 3 fairly soon.

• I'm in Love With the Villainess manga.

Same story from the LNs, with a lot more detail. Aono Shimo's art takes what is already a great light novel series, and brings it to life in greater detail. There is a lot added on here, helping to make this a wonderful experience. It's currently in the Investigation arc, and runs monthly in Yuri Hime.

• Inori's Skeb Stories.

These are commissioned works she's done, and their canoncity is essentially TBD. Only a handful are translated here, I'm unsure as to where the rest are.

• Manwha....sorta?

Look, I'll be real here, there's no legal way to read it in english, nor any illegal ways. If you're Korean, or read Korean, it's here.

Fanfiction

It's the lifeblood of this community, and there are so many talented writers to share. This one will be broken down into a few different categories, to help direct people towards something they might love.

Alternate Universes.

• Before the Morning Rush, AKA Coffee Loop.

Rae Taylor is a coffee shop barista, who has a crush on a regular customer, named Claire Francois. It's your typical Coffee Shop AU, that was one of the first big fics in the community, and continues to influence AU works. The sequel "A Quiet Cup of Cheer" is very good, and I highly recommend.

• Even in the Next One

"Claire Francois awakens to find herself in Japan, where Rae once lived out her past life. It’s not hard to find her wife once more, and given a second life surely it will be easy to live that one out with Rae once again and help Rae as she had helped her in Bauer. It’s hardly as if Rae will need convincing, right?
Rei Oohashi has had a crush on the icy Francois-san ever since university classes started, she is just so pretty. One would not have expected those feelings to be returned nor to have Francois-san claim they were wives in a previous life. And does Francois-san have no memories from this life either… oh no."
Essentially it's a reverse isekai, with Claire being a fish out of water. And it's full of Persona and Dungeon Meshi references. This has a NSFW companion piece from the lovely brooklynapple, which I will not link here.

• I Fragged the Villainess "American high school student Claire Francois has always risen to the occasion in her every endeavor. Now, however, she's facing perhaps her greatest challenge yet -- a first-person shooter game??? Determined to succeed, she logs in every night only to be thwarted again and again by another player with a rather peculiar gamertag. How will she react when she learns that her mysterious rival is actually another student from her school?"

The same writer also did an ESO Crossover, which I recommend reading!

• "The Queen's New Life"

"Rei "Quinn" Oohashi has a decently normal life. A job she excels at, a bothersome sister, a hobby she is undefeatable at. Things start to change when a blonde-haired fashion designer enters her life."
The story isn't very far along, but the writer is definitely having fun with this one.

• Villainess Calling

"Two trans women with very different backgrounds, and personalities. Claire Francois, is the epitome of elegance and grace, her father a wealthy politician. Beneath the facade of elegance however, lies a painful past, that she fears coming to haunt her. The Violin becoming her means of escaping her world, if only for a moment.
Rae Taylor, is a Punk Rock Bassist, who found solace in the raw energy of punk, channeling her anger and frustration into the pounding rhythms of her bass guitar. Running from her past, she attempts to make a fresh start somewhere much different. Despite the lonely pain she feels, she pushes past it, in an attempt to pretend she's someone she's not: Someone confident, and able to hide the pain from everyone around her.
A chance meeting intertwines their paths, forcing them to confront their painful pasts, and embrace their true selves. Through their shared love of music, a bond is formed, that may just help them both find happiness."
Fully admit, this is a shameless self-promotion. The first few chapters are rough, but if you enjoy punk music, or just want to see what it would be like if Rae and Claire, were trans? You'll enjoy this! This also has a NSFW companion piece which I will not link.

• Steam Punk Loop "We enter an era where technology is advancing. Not many of the common folks are capable of magic. Machines are developed to make their lives easier. The discovery of Steam Power has greatly advanced the lives of the Lower Class, at the displeasure of the Aristocrats. Magic, however, is still regarded as a higher power which most Aristocrats still wield and follow traditions. As technology grows, magic starts to fade as a higher power for the Lower Classes and questions arise, why are they bowing to Aristocrats' Magic when Steam is far greater now? Tensions grow, unrest spreads, how will the growing chaos be stopped?

Rae Taylor is the daughter of the General Store owners who sell all kinds of items and are part of the middle class.
Claire Francois is the daughter of one of the most powerful and influential Aristocrats who has control on most of the trades in the metropolis.
How can two hearts from two worlds meet at a time of uncertainty?"
Easily one of the most creative AU series, it's a fun one!

• From Enemies to Lovers.

"Rae Taylor works for the Lilium Mafia House-one of their best agents, never failed a mission. She is send to the Francois House to act as a spy and eventually eliminate their sole daughter-Claire Francois. However, little did she expect that this mission would not be as easy as she deemed."
Mafia Gays? Say no more, I'm in.

• Half-Outlaw, Half-Villainess

"Four years after the Black Mesa Incident, a gang of Outlaws including former Bureaucrat Orla Maguire and her Physicist Step-Brother, Gustavo Freeman are decimated following a disastrous heist in Panama, scattering them to the wind, and sending Orla adrift to another world, with a blonde noble girl glaring down at her.
Claire Francois must now teach this upstart commoner, who appears to go by Rae Taylor, the proper ways to act in the Kingdom of Bauer, while attempting to truly decipher who she is, why she does what she does, and why she keeps talking about 'Home' as if it were some far away place. Rae, formerly Orla Maguire, must hold out and come up with a plan in the scheming shadows of Bauer if she wants any chance of seeing her old world and family again, all while continuing to work for Claire, and realizing they have a much deeper connection than she initially thought.
Meanwhile in Panama, Dr. Gustavo Freeman is surprised by the arrival of another Noblewoman, facing evidence of string theory, and the ever encroaching threat of the so-called 'Combine' Empire that is now aware of Earth's existence. Time will tell, the currents are swirling... can Outlaws and Nobles truly find redemption?"
Half-Life meets ILTV, in an unexpected crossover!

Canon Divergent

These fics cover stories set within the main universe, but diverge from canon in some way.

• In Search of Spring.

"Claire François is madly in love—and that's a problem.
All the things she once valued now stand in her way. The nobility could never accept her loving a commoner. The church could never accept her loving a woman. Her father would be so disappointed in her. None of that matters to her anymore, not as much as creating a future for herself and Rae Taylor. To do that, they'll first have to survive the coming revolution, and to survive, they'll have to change.
But, maybe, even with the entire world is standing against her and her love, if they can change themselves they'll have a chance to change the world. So that's what they'll have to do—whatever it takes."
It's the top rated Wataoshi fic, and for a reason. It's extremely well written, and there is so much care put into this series.

• A Cleaved Soul

"In which Rae's Soul isn't simply a copy of the Demon Queen's Soul Data, but merely one half of the whole."
This has spoilers for LN5, so I recommend avoiding it, if you're reading this and have yet to complete LN5. In addition, the other has written "Memories of Another World" and "I'm in Love With my Best Friend"

• ILTV- Withering Begonia: Maybe in another life

"An exploration of Rei Oohashi's lives with Claire Francois. Major LN5 spoilers.
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.” -Anias Nin"

• Head Over Heels

"Claire is accidentally hit with a love spell during magic class and suddenly can't keep her hands off of Rae. Rae doesn't know what to do now that Claire is giving her a taste of her own medicine. How will our heroine overcome this daunting challenge?"
Brooklynapple has also written "a day worth celebrating" a cute Claire birthday piece, and "what we deserve"

• Please Don't Leave Me

"Rae's Duel with Manaria goes wrong
She wakes up back in her old life in Japan
Claire is left alone"
From the author of Eitno, we have a tearjerker, that is excellent.

• Perfectly Flawed

"A collection of short stories concerning Manaria Sousse from "I'm in Love With the Villainess." I recommend reading this after at least reading Volume 2, or after reading the whole story."

• Right Person, Different Status

"Rei wakes up in Revolution like in the original but.... She's royalty?"

• Manaria Murder Mystery

"After becoming Queen, Manaria tasks have piled up. However, something sinister has happened. Someone from her family has been murdered! She has to recruit her friends to help her solve the mystery."

• Black Lilies

" As the dust settles, and the world begins to heal, the once mighty Demon Queen, Rei Oohashi has been defeated. But her story does not end with her defeat, it is only just beginning. Rei has been offered a second chance, a chance to repent for her actions as the Demon Queen. Despite her inability to forgive herself, despite her lingering scars, one person sees through them all: Lilly Lilium.
A girl who despite her own scars, from her time as her father's assassin, wishes for nothing more than to help Rei to heal, even if she's incapable of doing so herself. Together they begin a journey spanning the Kingdom of Bauer, and beyond, whilst battling their own inner turmoil."
Again, shameless self-promotion.

• Lilly Lilium Is Not A Princess!

"After deciding to take another pilgrimage, Lilly finds herself in Melica, where a certain chestnut-haired woman waits."
A fic dedicated to an underrated pairing. It's cute, check it out
I realize I am missing quite a few fics, but it's almost 2AM and I'm tired. Is there a fic you enjoy that should be on the list? Comment and I'll add it! Writing your own and need tips? Comment!

Summer break is almost here for me at my school, and our last English assignment of the year was to recreate a scene from a book we read. I was put into a group of people Who were what you’d expect from your average middle schoolers, anyway i volunteered to film and edit, and another person was going to find background music. We create a group chat so we could chat about when we meet up which was on a Saturday, filming was hell, no one could focus, some were way too fixed on perfection and there was a baseball game playing in the background. After 2 hours of filming I go home to edit, i lock in and don’t even eat. 3 hours of editing and I’m done, i ask for the background music and then everyone seems like i just spoke gibberish and I tell them to find some music and i’ll add it when i can. I decide to check up on them and they said they thought i was doing the music. I was so mad, i had spent my entire day working with these people who knew i was doing most of the work. I sat in my bed and cried, then I thought if I sent the video to my English teacher that along with everything I had to endure. WIBTA?

Hello. It's a Saturday night and my family and I are still grieving the tragic loss of our 2 1/2 year old english bulldog Chi Chi. The most perfect pup in the world.
On Tuesday night, around 8:40 pm, my mom parked directly across from our house after picking up our dogs from the spa (Chi Chi - 50 lb English bulldog & Scooby - 135 lb Great Dane). She opened the door to let both dogs out and, while she was grabbing some things from the trunk (not realizing Chi Chi had walked a few steps away into the middle of the street to likely sniff something that caught her attention), a dark SUV turned at the corner of our neighborhood street, ran over our dog (2 times, both front and back tires), breaking her neck and immediately killing her.
The car did not stop but, rather, drove away into our neighborhood where they likely pulled into their driveway and went to sleep for the rest of the night. Its's been 5 days now and still no one has come forward.
My family and I are unequivocally saddened and emotionally distraught, especially given a lack of apology or transparency from whoever killed our dog.
We've tried video footage but no luck (both form our own cameras & neighbors). Police won't take up the case and my mom can't recall most details, given she witnessed the accident and immediately went into shock.
If you had met Chi Chi, you'd understand our sorrow. She was an absolute light to anyone who met her and almost too perfect and pure for this world.
If anyone has recommendations or opinions on how to get some closure or possibly find whoever did this, please feel free to message me or comment. It's been difficult for my mind to rest and I'd like for this person to take up some responsibility because.... honestly.... Chi was not light at all... and that could've very well been a kid.
Some additional details:
We (my family of 5) have lived in the same house / neighborhood for 22 years. I have driven countless times turning in from that same stop sign. We are also very well known in the neighborhood given our length of time here.
In my 22 years of living and turning on that stop sign, I can undoubtedly remark that there was enough time for the person to realize an animal was in front of them had they been paying attention and / or driving at a safe speed limit.
Our neighborhood is filled with small children, all of whom are riding bikes and playing in the street most of the week.
There was a blood trail that ran a couple hundred feet but then stopped. There'd likely be blood on the person's tires but probably gone by now.
No one saw the car leave from the neighborhood after the hit and run. We would've noticed the car exiting because there's only one way to get in and out my neighborhood.
More than happy to provide further details if necessary.

just a quick rant lol but please lmk if it gets better or what I can do to make it better
I feel that I grew up way too fast because I grew up in a setting where my parents barely spoke English, so I was constantly translating for them. Even receiving difficult news, I was the one who had to break it to my parents.
Since I was very little, I always wanted my parents to think I'm doing fine and that I am always happy. So, I never opened up to them and I also felt so uncomfortable showing any emotions to them. Even when I was being severely bullied for the first two years of middle school, I never said a word. However, they eventually found out from my guidance counselor, and even then I pretended that it was nothing. Even my past relationships, I kept a secret. I feel like my parents don't even know who I am. I know it's partially my fault for not telling them, but at the same time (I don't mean to blame my parents but..) they did not create that environment for me to feel comfortable to do so. Therefore, they overlook my feelings a lot and even claimed that I am not sympathetic enough. For example there has been situations where people I know have passed but I am so uncomfortable to expressing my emotions to the point where it came off as disrespectful. But the thing is, I am an extremely sensitive person. I just hide it very well. I feel things deeply and little words affect me a lot.
What hurts more is that I have younger siblings who I have always looked after. I literally felt like a mother to them even though our age gaps are not a big difference at all. But I see the difference in my life and their lives. I love them so much and I really do want to do anything to support them. But my whole life I have been making appointments for them, making an environment where they never have to feel like how I do and hide everything going on, and more, to the point where I am still like a mother. My parents also treat them so much differently. Everytime they go through a failure, my parents are there with open arms and rather worried about my siblings being stressed about it. Meanwhile, I feel the opposite way. Whenever I experience a failure that my parents know about, I feel stressed due to the way my parents will be stressed and worked up about it. I realized I never put myself first. Especially my mother, she will even sometimes yell at me for my mistakes and while she has never yelled at my siblings once but rather hugged them and told them it's fine. I have NEVER received that treatment.
I also feel that my parents have never been satisfied with me. Yk the classical AP. I'm not tall enough, I don't have a high enough GPA for them (even though at the moment I am in the top 3% in GPAs out of 800 people in a high achieving high school), I'm not skinny enough (even though I have a below average weight for my height), and etc etc. Once, my mom expected me to make the soccer team when I never even got training and I was competing against kids who have been training since they were young. When I didn't make it, she was so disappointed in me and I was freaking out so much because she gave me a silent treatment. This same thing happened with my brother for hockey, and he also did not make it. However, my mom reassured him and said it's fine and that it isn't fair that the other kids were already on teams for several years. It's just so so frustrating to see this. I know I'm being somewhat selfish and I am not at all saying I want my mom to be tougher on my brother. But it's rather that why didn't I get this treatment? Why do I always have to be on my toes and why do I always have to feel like a disappointment?
Regardless, I have so much love for my parents. I have a great relationship with them. They are always rooting for me and wanting the best for me. However, it's just so difficult especially because I live in an area that is white dominated and it's so so difficult for me to constantly wish I got the same treatment as the rest of the kids at my school. I am also fully aware that what I'm complaining about is nothing in comparison to some of the other stories here, but it's just that I am extremely fed up. I know I am being unfair by saying this, but if I try to communicate with my parents in English, it's English that is just jumbled up, pronounced wrong, and doesn't make sense. And I KNOW that they are trying their best, but it can just get so frustrating sometimes because my siblings cannot speak our native language as well as I do, so I ALWAYS translate back and forth to the point where I am so fed up. This isn't just about not knowing definitions, but rather the college process, banking related things, medical related things, etc etc. The only person in my family who is taking care of all this is me. And recently I have been so busy and I am just so tired. I have so much anger building up because nobody from my town has the same experience as me and neither do my siblings. So I am just constantly jealous.
I am going to be applying to colleges this Fall, and I have never been so stressed. My parents have extremely high expectations for me, and I have consistently not been meeting them. My parents will say stuff every once in a while that really hurt. They do not have faith in me for the college process and honestly I don't either. When they suggest some colleges (ofc all with super low acceptance rates) and if I say something like "I don't like the location" they will be shocked because for them it's only academics that matter. But I want to be happy and I want to enjoy it if I am spending four years of my life there. My dad has even said that I should apply because ofc it doesn't matter what I want but he emphasizes that he doesn't know if I am even going to have options from being accepted to many and being able to choose. It's just so frustrating especially because my whole life I have been doing everything myself (well it feels that way) and all of a sudden due to college applications coming up, my parents are somewhat trying to make sure I'm doing this and that. I know that this also sounds so bad of me but for example my parents asked me "did you ask for recommendation letters yet" or "did you participate in school today" and I know that this is nice of them but from my perspective, it frustrates me. This is because yes, I did already, and I have been in control my whole life and I just don't like how they decide to interfere now. They have been completely clueless about so many things and honestly I really know that they are trying to help me and I know that it's nice but pls someone say they understand my frustration lol. It's like my whole life I have been responsible about anything coming up, and them making sure I did something (which I did) just frustrates me because I know!!!!! Like ofcourse I did it already. I feel like it's too late for them to all of a sudden want to manage and be more involved in my responsibilities, and I just want them to back off. I know that this is the support that I want but they should've been like this when I was so much younger. I would now much rather just tell the good news and they don't need to know the process I took or setbacks that got in the way. I know I am being ungrateful but I am just so exhausted and done.
And again, yes my parents want the best for me, and yes they don't mean harm, and yes I am living a financially stable life because they work so hard...etc.. But all I want is emotionally available parents. That has been missing my entire life, and it's too late to reverse this. Btw, I have tried and tried multiple times to express my feelings. But the same events just repeat. They have apologized but there is no change. It was even to the point where I cried in front of them (which is so humiliating to me), and there is just no change. I also feel like since college applications are coming up, my whole conversations with my APs have been about that.

I watched a few reviews of TTPD on YouTube. Some of them pointed out that the songwriting on this album is clunky, but I'm not sure what they mean. The reviews I watched reference "My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys" as an example. I sense something is off about that song, but I can't put my finger on it.
I can recognize that the line about removing the ring on her middle finger is awkward. I also realize "handcuffed to the spell I was under" on "Fresh Out the Slammer" is redundant. Handcuffs make sense because she's writing about jail, but why are we bringing magic into this song? How do you handcuff yourself to a spell? Lastly, I recognize,"Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?" is doing too much. We start off talking about witches escaping execution, but then we go on about asylums and the circus. Either she decided to turn her AHS crossover fanfic into a song, or she's mixing up several metaphors. I know the songwriting on this album is messy, but I'm having trouble picking out other clunky writing moments.
I'll admit, I mostly use music as background noise. Maybe if I sat down and read some of these songs loud, I would recognize how awkward some of them are. I can recognize a metaphor, but I have trouble determining if a metaphor isn't very good.
What are some other examples of clunky metaphors or lines you've found on TTPD (or any of her other albums)? Conversely, what are some examples of good, clever metaphors, whether in Taylor's songs or other songwriters' songs?
Sorry to turning this into English class. Something about her songwriting on the last two albums has really bothered me, but I'm having trouble articulating what it is.

chinese history can’t be separated from the problem of eunuchs, a political class, that was in theory supposed to be loyal to the emperor but turned out to be as self-interested as any other clique
a particularly messy rebellion against them
as a matter of interest, they also had the penis as well as the testicles removed giving rise to urinary tract problems that were highly unpleasant and even so, the imperial concubines usually took eunuchs as lovers
i think on balance they probably did facilitate many centuries of highly centralised rule, a role today filled by communications and surveillance technology
the bottom line of any addiction is what is it excluding ?
what is the opportunity cost ?
usually its so high because you have recognised it as an addiction
human beauty
i have none of
its not sadness that leads one to grasp it
too fragile to be held
but a deep melancholy
death is too close
to
beauty
the female world
sorta isolated
its own bubble
sorta tangential
to reality
propaganda and dictatorships work by controlling information and hence beliefs and opinions and it is amazing how easily we driven by these into various insanities
from the control point of view, any creativity is a threat or poison and is dealt with by the force of suppression or aversion
in delusian terms "creativity is an act of resistance"
when on reddit and you get downvoted, just repeat to yourself "a downvote is an upvote" which it really is since you have distressed an idiot !
the freedom
of good health
in old age
there
is
no
other
women
the burden of ovaries
undercuts
an entire life
seeker and sought
the religious parlance
meaning
nothing
"zen" is a wrapped up box with some writing on it saying "i promise the answer’s inside" and when you open it up, its empty
i would guess the royal family has been boosted to the gills for covid and king charles and princess catherine both getting cancer makes me wonder
the precipice’s edge
unstable
dangerous to be there
walking
back
takes
time
on the other hand
stability
is an illusion
st. isaac the syrian
quotes I
quotes II
“ for it is more expedient to be bruised than dead ”
he’s very underappreciated
the
female
need
for
faces
deep
genetic
programming
han china
umpteen million
one
grain of sand
amongst many
must alter your perspective
the
system
can
do
without
you
existential angst
when tears roll from a baby’s eyes
its a bit early to be thinking about these matters
pillars of salt
we are always looking behind
but at least we can see
what has gone behind
what we can’t see
is
what is behind
other pillars
of
salt
plucked from life
unto death
another state of being
the former from the latter
distinctive is
but how the latter
views the former
we can never know
ed. a poem i wrote on looking at a photo of emily dickinson’s nephew, gilbert dickinson who died of typhoid aged eight, the rhythms and semantics of the poem make it seem like it could have been written by emily ?
a non traumatic demonstration of how a caesarean delivery is done
its not a trivial procedure, i’ll say that
something i had never thought about
not surviving an operation
it happens
even
with
the
routine
the unwanted
stalks
us
everywhere
.
something i had never thought about
surviving an operation
it happens
even
with
the
routine
the unwanted
stalks
us
everywhere
feeling
the travesty
of how ill it fits
with the way this world works
the thought of nothing squared
halve it
then triple it again
is still nothing squared
travelling and living in a new place you like for a while and then leaving again
its like falling in love and then breaking up, what can you do ?
continuities
dreams
stitching together
what is discontinuous
interior stresses rend
apart
what is held together
for a while
all rivers run
as coleridge said
to oblivion
ed. these lines below from coleridge’s most famous poem have always puzzled me, now i think about it, my poem is an alternative, more abstract version of his full poem which has always puzzled me and now it has sort of solved itself, i can’t believe it has sat in my brain for thirty or forty years as a puzzle looking for a solution
where alph, the sacred river, ran
through caverns measureless to man
down to a sunless sea
i give credit to coleridge claiming the poem is unfinished, but i am not sure that level of intense creativity can be sustained and even in terms of the existing poem it was starting to fall apart by the end
this is such a zen/religious thing, taking other’s words and paintings, not a single thing is their own
this is because the moment they say something or draw something of their own its laughable
you can’t tell 'em, diet and exercise are extremely important in keeping good mental health “ recent research published in the journal clinical nutrition reveals a significant link between high consumption of ultra-processed foods and an increased risk of developing depression
this study, conducted in brazil, indicates that individuals adhering to diets rich in ultra-processed foods are more likely to experience depressive symptoms over time these findings underscore the potential mental health risks associated with dietary patterns characterized by processed and convenience foods ”
i nearly ran into a cyclist a week ago on a windy back road because neither of us was keeping far enough to the left, then a little later nearly hit a car because, again i was not keeping far enough to the left
hopefully i have learnt, i think i was driving like i drive at night when you can assume you will see any oncoming traffic well ahead because of their headlights
daylight gives no such clues and cutting blind corners seems to be a local habit
“ taken together, our data highlight the profound impact of exercise in rejuvenating aged microglia (ed. reverting their gene expression signature to that of young microglia), associated pro-neurogenic effects and on peripheral immune cell presence in the ageing female mouse brain ”
julliard
clone factory
squashes
creativity
assembly line
performance
when OP’s bleed
their writers
in denial
about their injury
but
a portion
of
their
brain
cries
ed. certified GPT-free
the double edged sword
cuts
its holder
as one brought up on a very patriarchal version of english history its interesting to see that william the conquerer’s success was in part due to having a very politically competent wife
ed. video has 3 parts
also interesting is that due to harold godwinson having been captured in normandy and kept there for a while, he knew both mitilda (possibly even having an affair with her) and william very well and should have been more au fait with norman battle tactics and strengths i have a theory that the middle ages and somewhat later had in effect a breeding program through intermarriage within the nobility/aristocracy creating a politically competent class, because politics is not a natural skill to the species, same thing for ancient egypt, in fact today’s international politics suffers a lot from people lacking any sort of the rationality and largeness of mind required

I've been underestimated most of my life by my superiors and parents, even to this very day.
This has been going on ever since middle school, up until recently which prompted me to write this post.
I'll give a few notable examples;
We've had an assignment about Robinson Crusoe that we were supposed to prepare during the summer break. I liked the book so much that I've read 5 different publications of it and both in my native and English language. When we got back in school, I wrote a 5 page essay in 45 minutes for the test which included a short biography of Daniel Defoe, the entirety of the book recapped and the intricacies explained up until the very end of the book. I expected to get an A on the assignment, only for the teacher to return the paper and tell me: "There is no way you managed to perform this by yourself. Someone helped you." And she gave me a C.
A few years ago, I was working in a Mexican restaurant and I've noticed that we've been wasting 1 kilogram (2.205 lbs) of beans per day, which would accumulate to 30 kilograms (66 lbs) of waste. I ran some calculations and I proposed two solutions to my manager:

1. We could increase the amount of beans we put inside burritos so that the customer gets a better price per amount ratio.
   
2. We could modify the amount that was cooked at the time and save us some money in the long run.
   

I also mentioned that if the change was not made anytime soon, that we would be forced to use canned beans as a cheaper alternative, which would completely destroy the taste.
My manager just shrugged and brushed the idea off with "We will review your proposal accordingly and inform you of the verdict."
I left shortly after and in about 6 months my prediction came true and they started cutting down on everything, going so far as to use cheaper plastic trays as the metal ones were harder to wash.
After that job, I started working as a Customer Support Agent for a bus company. It was mainly working on live channels (Chatting and calling). I noticed that my hands were getting tired from all the typing and I found an interesting solution:
There was a free software on the internet that let me assign macros on my keyboard containing the opening, middle and closing lines of the conversation. This reduced the AHT (Average Handling Time) by 70% increased the CPH (Cases Per Hour) by 45%.
The best part of it all was that the software was entirely open source, required no licensing and was able to be distributed easily in a portable exe file that took around 2 Mbs. The macros could also be exported and imported easily, meaning that the entire office would be ready in about 30 minutes.
I assembled a meeting with my managers and the project lead, demonstrated the software and got the same answer: "We will review your proposal accordingly and inform you of the verdict."
A year and a half later, they're still using the excel sheets they've made.
I also remember going to my uncle and being excited that I finally managed to overcome some personal BS that was torturing me for quite some time, only to be met with: "Oh my, this must've been a work of the holy spirit!"
I'm just so fed up with people honestly.

First of all sorry for my English I'm not native. Hi I used to play the original cdda and was by far my favorite game of all time. The enjoyment, fun and experience it bringt me was like no other videogame in a veryyyy long time. First of all I'm grateful cdda and the team developing it ever existed because it is the game I ever wanted to play and I feel like it was the only game I was ever gonna play (with some pauses in the middle) for the rest of my life. Sadly after months of felling stress and with a heavy heart last week after felling like I was literally WORKING on a videogame I decided that I....had enough with one real life to go involve myself on a videogame where realism seems to be the absolute pinnacle of development and some people where REALLY obsessed with creating another world where to live because it seems the only real world some people have is on their screen of their desktop. I hear about bright nights and I'll admit at the beginning I was not enthusiastic not even remotely interested on it....but now it seems is the original cdda where the devs didn't go mental about this realism almost CREED IDEOLOGY of a second virtual life with all the grinding and chore of it. But I have some doubts do you guys have a roadmap or plan as to where this fork is heading...like features ,future content, plot quest,are you guys gonna make a simulation where the world is alive and dynamic ever evolving where at least is gonna be fun to play or is this not feasible for this fork without falling in to the death trap of REALISM. Sorry for my big rant/post I honestly wanted to make it short but I guess I really wanted to vent myself a little bit. Thanks in advance.

Hi it's my first post on reddit and English isn't my first language so sorry for anything wrong or weird. I'm a 23yo from Portugal. So to summ it up i lended money to a "friend" that promised to give it back on March and it's now June and I have no money. A little background, on summer 2023 my aunt sold my late grandpas "summer house" and since my dad was dead and divided 50% my aunt and 50 between me, my older brother and older sister. I'm a college dropout looking for a job with no income but this money didn't really put pressure in finding a job. This so called "friend" is actually a friend of my sister and just an acquaintance to me, that asked for money because "it was all she needed to put her life together". Now I knew from my sister that she was moving houses and she has a 13yo daughter and a 1yo son so I didn't ask (mistake no 1) and assumed something was wrong with the house or with the kids and gave her 12.000€, basically half of what I still had from the sold summer house, and she said she would repay everything + interest by may 3rd. She asked if I wanted to make a contract to make sure she pays but I said no (mistake no 2) bc I thought why waste money on that if she's my sister's friend and coworker and we know where she lives blabla. 2 weeks later she asks me for another 6.000€ and that was when I was starting to get nervous bc if I did that I would only have 4.000 but both she and my sister were practically begging so I reluctantly gave it to her, this was in January and these 6.000 she said she would pay back in February. So time passed no worries I still had money but February came and she didn't have the money, a little back and forth she said she needed more time and by March she would give it back. She was sending long texts about she's sorry, she would never betray us, she will definitely give it make and things like that. So February passed it was march and nothing again but I didn't start the conversation to see when or what she would say, nothing. I asked my sister to talk to her and she did, the friend said she's working on it and will definitely give it back. In April I found out through my sister that besides the work they have together, the friend and someone else have a cleaning company and that's what the money was for, what's worse the company wasn't doing very well that's why she hasn't paid us yet. Now in the middle of May I'm talking with my sister and the topic of the friend comes up, I want my money back but my sister gets a little annoyed bc I stopped talking to the friend by phone and ask her to do it face to face but it's always the same thing, well the topic of the friend was when they last talked she made the excuse that she isn't the one that deals with that company's money, it's the other person that me and my don't know. I'm really pissed that I'm going in circles with her, I just want my money back bc now I'm depending on my sister for money (we live together) we said it doesn't have to be all at one but she still hasn't given 1 cent back. My sister said that nothing legal can be done about it and I don't have the money for a lawyer so I'm asking here. Is this situation just a "sucks to be you" or can I do something? I have the text conversations and the the money was transfered so I have a receipt of when and how much was given. If some people ask why the friend asked me and not my sister if we both had the sold house money, my sister had a little debt that was paid with most of it the rest was spent because leaving is really expensive nowadays.
Again sorry for any writing mistake and the long post, it was my first time talking about this with someone besides my sister so I vented a little. I'm so angry I want to cry from feeling so helpless. Please help, any advice is welcome.

I already dropped my ultimate reading order in the comments of a post about a week ago, but the post was asking for worst reading order. I'm afraid some people may have gotten the wrong impression. This is objectively the best reading order. It's Brandon-approved. By which I mean that Brandon Sanderson himself revealed it to me in a dream.
I refuse to gatekeep this. The people deserve to know.
Okay, so you need to start at Stormlight, but those books are very long and intimidating so start small and ease yourself into it with one of the novellas - doesn't matter which one.
Then pick up Elantris, but only read Hrathen's chapters. The other characters don't matter.
Next is Mistborn era 2, but backwards. It's better that way. So start with book 4, then book 3, etc.
Then read The Wheel of Time book 12. People will tell you Wheel of Time isn't in the Cosmere. They're wrong. Also don't worry if you haven't read books 1-11. Nothing important happens.
Pick another Stormlight book. Doesn't really matter which one, but I'd recommend Oathbringer because it's my favorite. Make sure to skip all the Moash chapters because fuck Moash.
Drink a glass of water. This doesn't have anything to do with the Cosmere, but I know you're dehydrated. Because I'm living in your walls right now.
Next you need to read The Emperor's Soul twice. But this is important, you can't take any breaks, and you have to read it straight through twice in one sitting. If you get up to do anything in the middle, you have to start again. Trust me, it's important.
Okay, now stay with me. You're going to experience Tress of the Emerald Sea. Find a mushroom, or a nice mold perhaps... even a fern would do. Anything that produces spores. Then just get a nice handfull of those spores and breathe them in. Get em all up in your lungs. The entire plot of Tress will then be uploaded into your brain. I did this last year and I no longer need sleep. I can taste sounds. It's been great.
Now pick another Stormlight book. Any is fine but Way of Kings Prime is a good one at this stage. Whatever you do, don't read The Way of Kings. The Prime one is the correct one, which is why it's called Prime. The non-Prime one is a mistake that was supposed to be taken out of print, but couldn't because of contracts and legal issues. So make sure you read Prime.
Wheel of Time book 13.
One book of Mistborn era 1. You will only read one, so choose any of them. They're all the same, though, so it doesn't matter.
Put a bag of shredded cheddar cheese at the top of your basement stairs. Don't worry if it's gone tomorrow morning. That's normal.
Then read The Rithmatist but just look at the pictures. Don't bother reading it. It's not in the Cosmere anyway but the pictures are fun. At least I think so. I only read the audiobook.
Read Warbreaker but you can only read between the hours of 3am and 4:30am Pacific Time. It also has to be a signed copy.
Another Stormlight book. If you read Rhythm of War at this stage, also read the other novella. If you read anything other than Rhythm of War at this stage, also read all of Moash's Oathbringer chapters. Twice.
Now this one is tricky, but it can be done. You need to break into Brandon Sanderson's house and find his Secret Project Vault™. Trust me that it exists, I found it last year. (The spores told me where it was.) Anyway, steal his latest work in progress and read it. Then return it because the rest of us want to read it too.
Listen to Red (Taylor's Version) but only the songs State of Grace, Stay Stay Stay, and Forever Winter.
Next you're going to go onto Goodreads and read the review Brandon Sanderson left on The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss. There's some deep Cosmere lore in there that you'll need to understand for what we're going to do next.
Go to your local library and check out a copy of The Sunlit Man. It has to be a library copy, or it won't be right.
Wheel of Time book 14.
Read exactly 57 pages of Arcanum Unbounded. It doesn't matter which 57. I just flipped randomly and read a few here and there. It's the best way to expeirence it.
Another Stormlight book. If you're following my advice, it's probably Words of Radiance. Throw the book off a bridge once you've read it in honor of Bridge 4.
Then read Yumi and the Nightmare Painter, but you need to have Naruto playing at full volume in the background. The English sub, of course, because people who watch dubbed anime are losers.
Time for another Stormlight book. If you've already read them all, read Oathbringer again. Just make sure that you never, under any circumstances, read the non-Prime version of The Way of Kings.
Watch all of Brandon's BYU creative writing lectures on YouTube.
Read the White Sand graphic novels. It's a manga though so they have to be read back to front from right to left.
Lastly, read Mistborn Secret History, but you need to lick a piece of metal while you do. I don't make the rules.
And that's it! You've optimized your Cosmere reading experience! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go microwave a plate of shredded cheese. It's past my dinner time.

Sorry in advance for any mistakes, English is not my native language. And sorry, it's very long but I am really lost.
I would like to have your opinion because I don't know at all how to interpret this. I have the impression that she doesn't understand at all what I want her to understand.
The context: she's my bff, let's call her Clara (21), since we were 15 and we've known each other since we were 7.
Since last summer, she has gotten closer to a high school friend whom she had not seen again and they have clearly become best friends. They talk together every day, they do almost everything together, and they videotape or actually tell each other everything they do. You should know that when I was in the same city, we never did all that. We just talked to each other almost every day on a social network.
Since September, I have had to go abroad for my studies and obviously, my bff has become closer to her than to me.
It hurt my feelings but I preferred not to say anything because it's cool that she's making new friends and I wasn't going to make a fuss about jealousy.
There was a lot going on, Clara met her boyfriend while going to her bff's wedding around September. Eventually it turned out that her boyfriend was an idiot. And she went back with him once in April. She didn't stay with him very long (around 1 or 2 months each time). She knows I never loved her.
I decided to send a message to Clara this morning because the situation was weighing more and more on my heart.
I would like to know what you understand in this message :
​
"Hello Clara, I waited a bit to be sure before sending you this message. I wanted to see if I was imagining things or if I was just hiding, but I have the impression that this is more likely to be confirmed.
The last time I didn't talk to you for a week to see if you sent me messages from yourself was when you were with your boyfriend but this time I can see that it doesn't come from there the problem.
I noticed especially recently that you were taking longer to respond to me or that you weren't trying to continue the conversation. And I think what opened my eyes was when I noticed that you were doing that because you were either talking to your guy or Karen.
At New Year's, I was surprised that you didn't go to the mountains with your parents like every year. I thought we could finally celebrate it together but in the end you suggested that we all go to a villa with Karen's friends which I couldn't because: 1. I had to study and I couldn't afford to leaving for 3 days and 2. I clearly didn't want to spend my New Year with people I don't know, especially with Eloise and Charlotte who I clearly don't like. It surprised me that you wanted to spend it with them knowing everything they did in middle and high school. Afterwards maybe they have changed since then but I haven't kept good memories of them and I plan to never speak to them again.
When we met at Scarllet's house together, it surprised me that you wanted to come home early to talk with your boyfriend. I thought you were going to call him at Scarllet's and that we would spend the evening together, especially since we don't see each other often. Afterwards you didn't seem so happy to find yourself there.
When you spoke to your boyfriend again, you only told me a few days later. But I told myself that it wasn't safe and that you preferred not to talk about it beforehand even though I would have liked you to tell me, especially given what he did to you the first time. And I told myself that it didn't matter that you told Karen about it before because in the end you told me. Even the fact that you didn't put your position when you went out was quite worrying. The worst part was the first time, you only shared it with Karen but you didn't think I wanted to check.
Same when you saw it again, you warned me at the last moment and I said to myself that it was a bit of a shame that you told me after Karen. I felt like your plan B to talk about it.
After thinking about it, I realized that it wasn't the first time that you talked to me about important things a few days after the fact or at the last minute. Afterwards I told myself that I had done the same in 3rd grade with John but I thought that since then we had moved on to something else.
When you talked to me about your boyfriend for a long time and directly, I realized that in fact it was only because Karen was busy or that you talked to me about it after telling her, when you had finished talking. talk about.
Even at your cousin's wedding, I told you to send me the preparation of your dresses and everything. And when I watched your private stories, it hurt me a little that you said that only Karen will watch your entire stories, as if I didn't count or that you had completely forgotten me. Especially since you know very well, that I watch all your stories all the time, even when you send me videos and everything, I always answer you everything. I really felt like I was counting for nothing.
On snap you tell me that you send videos to Karen all the time, so much so that you get fired up, and in the end, even when I send them to you, you don't send them back.
Even on bereal I noticed you reacted more to mine but I told myself it was nothing. Afterwards when I noticed that you weren't doing it on my Instagram stories either, I was a little disappointed all the same but hey I told myself that afterwards there wasn't much to say and that it wasn't very serious .
I think it started to change this summer without me paying attention and it really accelerated when you had your guy. But afterwards I didn't really pay attention to it because I told myself that you also wanted to change even if I didn't think it was going to be in the bad direction on that point.
This Thursday it had already been a few days since you had tried to restart the conversation, but I told myself that afterwards it was probably because you were revising and that I was too.
When you posted your story on your oral, I told myself that afterwards you would talk to me about it as I told you when responding to your story, but in the end you sent me 0 messages. I saw that you went shopping so I thought maybe you wanted to talk to me about it in the evening by voicemail. When I saw that you were at the restaurant in the evening I told myself that maybe you were going to do it when you got home or the next day if you were tired. In the end, I have the impression that you just forgot about me and that it didn't impact you a lot, or that you just didn't want to talk to me actually. Especially since I had wished you good luck for your oral exam, but you didn't wish me good luck for my exams in return, probably because you had forgotten.
The next day, I saw that you still hadn't sent a message and that's when I really realized that you actually didn't like talking with me that much. I hid my face until you posted another story, I was really convinced that you were going to tell me. I took it really badly, it was the straw that broke the camel's back especially since I was super tired with the accumulation of exams. So I told myself that it was often me who asked you and that I was going to wait for you to tell me this time but ultimately no.
So I decided to wait if you were going to send me a message for 1 week but ultimately I only found out from Camille that it had gone well.
I thought that seeing that I watched your stories might remind you, but in the end I was wrong. Even when I didn't react to your bereal you didn't seem to care so I really didn't know how to take it.
Afterwards I understand if you prefer that we talk just from time to time or not at all, I will stop forcing it. But I didn't think that was really what you wanted and I really considered you my best friend who I talk to all the time.
I know you consider Karen your best friend, and that in itself doesn't bother me. But the fact that you left me aside really hurt me and I think that either you didn't realize it or it was me who didn't understand the message.
We've been friends since elementary school and even throughout middle school and high school we always got along so I didn't think it was going to change like that.
I admit that being next to two friends already didn't help me think.
Afterwards, I prefer that things be clarified rather than misunderstanding things. So tell me clearly if you want to talk to me anymore or something else."
She responds :
"hello already yes I noticed that you were distant for a few days. I think you have a hard time getting used to the idea that I can have other friends without just replacing you. Plus you're in [country] so I don't see how you want us to see each other and that we are as close as before me at no time, when you tell me about your friends from [country], I felt in competition or ordinary on the contrary, I always said to myself so much the better if she has - new friends there because at least she is not alone and even at the beginning when you started telling me about your arrival in [country]. I was waiting for you to make new friends so you don't feel alone
I clearly wasn't aware that you had a problem between Eloise and Charlotte, and that you don't like them at all. You never told me about it. Even less. Tell yourself that I had some preconceptions about Eloise and Charlotte from primary school but I have learned to rediscover them especially since I have been seeing Karen and frankly they are super super nice. Super cool with me, it's really a shame that you have this vision because precisely in relation to the New Year when I proposed to you it was a matter of bringing together all my friends and that we have a good time together so from there to talk to me again about a story from six months ago and moreover in a bad way whereas when I proposed it to you, it was clearly more positive than well I find it a shameAnd in relation to the New Year, I also have the right to party with my friends and not necessarily to stick to my parents. You know after a while I grow up I'm 21
compared to [her bf] I didn't talk to you about it from the start because I know very well that you don't appreciate it and so it slowed me down a little so I preferred to wait before talking to you. talk about it to be sure. Tell yourself that all the things I told you, it's often just you and Karen that I talk to you about, but I don't understand at all this focus that you have on Karen, it's really too much, it's really a shame what do you think of Eloise Karen because they really had nothing against you and on the contrary they were open because we all see each other at the New Year with our group also in relation to my defense, tell yourself that Thursday I had my defense the morning after I left I came home super late after midnight because yes I celebrated it with Karen and Eloise and I was really disconnected from my phone. That day. Yesterday I worked. I came home very late and I only told my parents about it this morning. It was really since this morning that I told myself that it had been a few days since I had heard from you and I was planning to send you a message especially when I saw that you hadn't reacted too much to my last Stories I told myself that it wasn't normal, because I know that you usually react all the time even when I wake up I already had it I I had noticed it but I really didn't expect you to send me a text like that or to be really that angry and for me to get it in the face. I admit to you that That I'm a little surprised
There I admit to you that I don't really know anymore, we're not at the level of friendship, what you have just done to send me a message on things that I have done to go over each element of my life for a year I I don't really know how to take it though I have the impression that you feel very much in competition with Karen when really there's nothing wrong with it, you're just as much my friend and you just have to accept that I can have d 'other friends and I have a social life because you're not in [city] so I don't see how we can see each other "
I was really shocked by his response, I wasn't expecting that at all. I asked three friends (two who know her and one who doesn't) what they understood in my message and in hers. I would like you to tell me what you think about it too because maybe, it's me who is not clear.
​
I respond :
" I don't think you understand the meaning of my message at all.
The aim of my message was not at all to criticize you for being friends with other people, on the contrary good for you. I just wanted to compare the situation with Karen to show you that I feel left out.
I don't see why the fact that we're far away means we can't stay close. Knowing that when I was in [city], we hardly ever saw each other except last summer. I never said I wanted to see each other even though I'm not in [city]. I just wanted us to continue talking to each other often on social media, like before.
I never wanted competition. I just compared the situation with Karen because that I wanted to make you understand that you were telling me everything late and that it made me feel left out.
I never said that I wasn't happy that you made new friends, on the contrary I was happy for you. That really wasn't the point of my message.
The fact that I don't like Eloise and Charlotte that much is just that I don't appreciate what they did throughout school and I don't necessarily want to get closer to her. Afterwards, if you say that they have changed and that you get along well with them, that's really good for you.
For the New Year, it was very nice of you to suggest but you knew very well that I couldn't afford not to revise for several days anyway.
And I never said you had to stick to your parents, on the contrary it's cool if you go out with friends. I wanted you to understand how I felt about the fact that for once you weren't celebrating it with your parents, I felt like plan B when you preferred to celebrate it elsewhere.
Regarding your boyfriend, even if you knew very well that I didn't like him, you knew that you were going to talk to me about him at one point or another.
The fact that apparently I focused on Karen was just to compare and for you to understand that I felt left out. I never said I wasn't open to her.
And I knew very well that you were going to come home late at night and that you weren't necessarily going to answer me but I would have thought that you would send me a message later, just on the bus to let me know or during your break, the next day for example. Because we're even friends, suddenly.
When I wrote this message it was only so that you understand how I feel about the situation, that I feel abandoned. It was only so that we could talk about it and communicate, which is the goal of a friendship when there is a problem. I just took up the things that happened over the course of a year to argue and show you how I felt.
Throughout my message, I have never tried to compare myself with other people. On the contrary, I really tried to explain and show you how I felt.
I never said I wanted to see each other even though I'm not even in [city]. Obviously it's cool if you have a social life and you see other people and I'm happy for you.
I just talked about how you left me aside and didn't talk to me for 3 days, how you didn't even try to contact me even when you noticed things weren't going well.
If for you it was an aggressive message that really wasn't the goal. I just wanted to resolve this problem that was making me sad.
If the fact that we are not in the same city for you is a reason for us to move away, I respect your choice.
Afterwards I really didn't think that long distance relationships were condemned in love but also in friendship for you."
​
She responds :
I find that between what you say this morning and this evening you contradict yourself a lot. You say that you don't compare yourself with other people but if throughout your message this morning you compare the friendship that I have with you and Karen, that's why I have the impression that you feel in competition with Karen
You're clearly blaming me for telling her things before you and seeing her, so I have the impression that it really bothers you a lot.
It's really stupid to put our whole friendship into question just because of that because on my side there's really no animosity, you've always been someone that I've greatly considered.
But I don't at all condemn long-distance relationships in friendship re it's you who thinks that if for 2 days we talk it's the end of our friendship and that's a shame really you shouldn't think that
Instead of sending me a huge message about everything you've been feeling for the past year, you should have told me before if you had this feeling.
Afterwards I find that you extrapolate a lot and that you take things the wrong way. Honestly, I would have sent you a message and I would never have known that it was the end of our friendship if for 2 days we didn't speak, especially since Thursday I had my defense after which I disconnected from my phone a little and yesterday I was working and when I work I don't calculate my phone at all practically so sorry if for 2 days I didn't think about talking to you lol
Afterwards you could also have reacted to my stories it's a bit like messages but grouped so it's not pck I'm not sending you a message privately that you can't react to
I admit that this is a bit of a shock. I realize that it's been a year since you analyzed everything I'm doing wrong to bring it all out today without talking to me about it before and that even what I'm doing in Well, like having proposed to you for the New Year, you are turning it around for the worse.
There's a lot of things you're talking to me about that I've gotten over for a long time and I wish you remembered it all at this point. We have to move forward and not worry about things that happened a year ago and that you didn't even talk to me about.
So concretely tell me what you expect from me
And for the New Year this year you had absolutely nothing planned in advance, even the day before we were bowling you hadn't planned anything even though it was the next day whereas with Alyssa and everything we said well We had been planning to do something 3 months in advance so blaming me for not having done it with you is a bit cheeky"
​
​
I respond :
"Well you still don't understand so I don't know what else to add.
I really wanted to know your point of view on our friendship. I think we just didn't have the same vision.
Basically I just wanted to improve the problem.
And I don't blame you at all for telling Karen everything before me, I was just explaining to you that telling me things several days later, for me, means you're not close to someone.
And it wasn't the story of the 2 days that put me in this state, it was just an accumulation of things that hurt me and that I wanted to talk to you about. But there's nothing more I can do if you don't understand
And yes, I could have reacted to your stories but I just wanted to check if it was still up to me to ask you things.
I didn't tell you everything directly because I already told myself that it was nothing and I knew that it wasn't going to change much if I told you about it. I told myself it would just pass.
The fact that I've been analyzing everything for a year, I can't control my memory and my brain. And it's normal that in a friendship we talk about our feelings.
Afterwards if you think that I said all that as reproaches and that I take things badly because you didn't understand, I can't change anything. Really, I just wanted to talk to sort things out and for us to share our points of view but if you take that as an attack, I apologize, that wasn't the goal.
And if for you we have to forget all the problems, sorry but I can't do it
Afterwards for me, I thought that with our friendship you would have asked about my exams and you would have told me about yourself about your oral exams.
And for the New Year, I didn't even try to organize anything since I knew you were going to celebrate it somewhere else.
I was just waiting for you to be a little more present, for me to feel less left out. That I be made aware of things without necessarily being the one to ask you.
Afterwards I know it will never be like before, given the distance and this conversation. I really just wanted to talk about it so you would understand me. But suddenly, we know that we don't have the same vision of friendship.
But now I get the message.
We were both hurt by what the other said so I don't think it helps move the conversation forward either. And I think if we talk about it over the phone or face to face, we might understand each other better. But I think we should perhaps give ourselves time to think about it while you finish your internship and I finish my exams"
​
I don't open already her message but I have read that she said that she finds it completely stupid that I want to take a friendship “break”
​
I felt really sad for all the responds but I am really angry that she tells it is stupid for the break because I never said that I didn't want a friendship break, I just said to wait until the end of the exams and the internship to talk about it again
​
Please, tell me if I am wrong or if I was not clear.
​
​
​
​
​
​

aiya!
i'm from wales, so i grew up speaking welsh. but don't worry, my english is excellent!
i work with books all day long
i make music for fun, but it's not fun music. you'll probably hate it, tbh. say hi if you play drums, though
i like films and i go to the cinema ALONE. but if you wanna to join me, i'm in row B, seat 15
i don't drink, but i will dance. and sweat. i'm gross
i studied linguistics, and might do so again
i run and swim and cycle, but i'm not brilliant at any of those things. got the beginnings of a middle-aged belly, so that'll need to be shifted somehow - chum along to the gym with me?
that's plenty about me - howaboutyou?

aiya!
i'm from wales, so i grew up speaking welsh. but don't worry, my english is excellent!
i work with books all day long
i make music for fun, but it's not fun music. you'll probably hate it, tbh. say hi if you play drums, though
i like films and i go to the cinema ALONE. but if you wanna to join me, i'm in row B, seat 15
i don't drink, but i will dance. and sweat. i'm gross
i studied linguistics, and might do so again
i run and swim and cycle, but i'm not brilliant at any of those things. got the beginnings of a middle-aged belly, so that'll need to be shifted somehow - chum along to the gym with me?
that's plenty about me - howaboutyou?

I wrote this comment the other day, and did not realize how far I have gone until I have summarized it myself: https://www.reddit.com/Healthygamergg/comments/1cuy7u8/comment/l59hf2i/
This is my story since January of 2024. I thought I'd write it down and give myself a bit of recap.
I (23M) started working as a English teacher at a test prep center in June of 2023. Basically I help middle / high school kids with their foreign language exams. For context, working in my country is super stressful and especially in this field, I work on a tight schedule. Stress and anxiety started to build up as a result of not being able to finish the work assigned on time. There really isn't a sense of meaning in my job because I see hardly any sense of purpose in helping kids with merely academics while seeing them having a hard time dealing with their parents / even disliking coming to the test prep center in the first place. It is hard to teach a group of demotivated kids with hardly any passion in learning. I am doing my job for money basically.
And perfectionism is not helping me in this case either. As a new teacher, I am supposed to construct a set of teaching tools (such as slides) myself. So it absolutely does not help when my supervisor asked me to present my demo class to an audience of experienced teachers who are about to criticize me. (In hindsight, their criticism is very constructive and comes from a place of compassion, but at the time, all I hear are harsh words.) It was my worst nightmare for a whole month. I prepare for demo classes, all anxious, get up and present, selectively excludes all the helpful parts of the advice from the presentation, feel bad about myself, come home with another lesson to prepare, only to get all anxious again. This went on and on. Until I just couldn't do anything, anymore. I couldn't function. I would freeze on stage, completely blanking on my notes and slides. I could see the secondhand embarrassment from my supervisor's face. (In hindsight, again, all they were trying to do was to help me. I was just too biased in my own head to see it.)
Fast forward to December, I was going through 5 months of anxiety, burnout, perfectionism and working very hard trying to keep myself together. And then I was told that all the teachers that signed up half a year ago was supposed to give a presentation to the head manager of this test prep center, to demonstrate what they have iterated and learned throughout this period of training and teaching.
I did not show up. In fact, I did not prepare anything for it. I was procrastinating the preparation 1 months ahead, and then 2 weeks ahead, and then 3 days ahead. The day before the presentation, I was playing Minecraft until 3 AM, with almost nothing prepared. I. Just. Overslept.
People at work started calling me. I started ghosting them. I bet that was the worst week of my life for the past year.
A week later, (and this is January 2024) my supervisor was kind enough to talk to me and asked me if I was okay. I said I was not, and that I had went to the doctors, received some meds, and asked if I could do anything to make it up for the missed presentation. She said that I could really need a break. We talked a bit, and I decided to leave, in good terms with everyone.
I stumbled upon Dr. K's video during December, a friend recommended to me a video during my burnout phase and I was not in the headspace to take care of myself, let alone watch some videos. But I started watching them. I also joined the coaching program because I felt like I could really need some external help tailored to my needs.
It is now June of 2024, 6 months later, and I am confident enough to say to my coach that I don't think I need a coach anymore, not because it is not helping me anymore, but because I feel like I have reached a point in my life where I am comfortable enough with myself and my state of mind to explore life on my own.
My lessons learnt throughout the 6 months period is pretty much summarize in this comment: https://www.reddit.com/Healthygamergg/comments/1cuy7u8/comment/l59hf2i/ But tldr, a large amount of self reflection + effort into developing my emotional awareness.
A win is a win. I think I have reached the other side. I hope everyone else does too.
Take care, y'all.

First, sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, english is not my first language. Second, Vent account.
I dont know how to start things off because I dont even know what depression truly is. I try to talk myself into believing that I'm not depressed and that this is just a phase.
I will start off by listing what I do and who I am so you can maybe help me. Im 21 male & live in germany. I do athletics 2 times a week and swimming 2 times a week in two sports clubs and go to the gym. I study and I sometimes play video games and often hang out with friends, as of right now: Everyone is sleeping but I cant.
I cant sleep, at all. My thoughts are haunting me, permanently all the time. When I drive, when I cook when I try to sleep, only at sports and Gaming I often can truly relax. I dont feel specifically tired in the day, but sometimes when I for example need to eat (not cook, just eat) I get this overwhelming sense of tiredness and just prolonge with what I was doing instead (sleep or gaming for the most part in this example).
I cant get anything out of my head, I tried meditating, I tried finding an idol or mentor. I have tried to talk to close friends about it but I feel like they dont understand me, and truly, I dont even understand myself, yet trying to express what I feel. I feel hopeless, alone, lonely, worthless and senseless. I dont feel stressed. I know Im not worthless, Im rational enough to see that, but I feel insignificant.
Anytime I try to sleep, my thoughts wont leave me alone, they are so bad that I cant talk about them, not even here. I feel deeply ashamed on what is going on in my mind because I cant control it. I cant talk to myself about what is going on. Im scared and afraid of what may be behind that wall of emotion and thoughts, Im scared to loose everything. All the sacrifices I did all the things I did
When I try to sleep now I just make up scenarios in my head to get myself distracted until I fall asleep. For example I create a whole story in my head with a fantasy world or something.
I often get this urge to just workout in the middle of the night.
I need help, I cant talk about what is going on, no one understands me and I feel like im the only person in the world who feels like this. But I KNOW Im not alone, there has to be another person out there experiencing the same or has been experiencing the same. Please help me. Im bot suicidal or anything at all, I'm fine. But please someone help me reestablish my peace, I just want to sleep I just want to be alone and not be bothered every single night

Here’s the script for desired reality that I made:
DR Script: Name: Chase Jay Friskerman (male). Nickname: CJ. Age (DOB): 76 (01/05/1948). Nationality: American. Ethnicity: African-American. Personality: Cheerful, intelligent, funny, and happy-go-lucky. Hair: Small blackish gray afro hair. Eyes: Brown. Body Type: Dark skin with muscular body and wearing glasses. Height: 200cm (6ft 7in). Weight: 158lbs. Language: Any kind of language. Wealth: Fame, wealth, and power. Hobbies: Drawing, writing, cooking, and studying. Hometown: Houston, TX (born and raised in 1948). Elementary School: River Oaks (1953-1959). Middle School: Bob Lanier (1959-1962). High School: Lamar (1962-1966). Colleges/Universities: University of Houston and received a Master of Fine Arts (1966-1970). Lived: Los Angeles, CA (since 1976). Superpowers: Flight, super strength, teleportation, and healing.
Family names: The Friskermans Parents: Keith (08/01/1914) and Terri (07/30/1916) Siblings: Bruce (06/14/1944), Aaron (04/11/1946), Drake (03/31/1950), Sarah (05/25/1952), and Jerry (02/27/1954). Personalities: Cheerful, fun, perfect, caring, loving, and very sweet people. Superpowers: My siblings have the same powers as me. Hometown: Inwood Dr, Houston, TX 77019 (living in a wealthy city on River Oaks). Lived: Los Angeles, CA. (me and my siblings since 1976)
Married: Zelda Ann Starknight (04/06/1953) on March 6, 1980. Zelda’s physical appearance: She is an American woman with an English descent. Born and raised in West University Place before moving to Los Angeles in 1975, at the age of 22, a wealthy Caucasian woman with long dark blue hair and blue eyes, light skin, slim body, wearing glasses, and her height is 175cm (5’9). She is also an intelligent woman who graduated from Rice University in 1975. Children: Tucker (03/25/1985), an African-American son with short black hair and his height is 188 (6’2) and Cassie (08/13/1988), a Caucasian daughter with long aqua blue hair and her height is 161cm (5’3). Pets: Selena (a Russian Blue female cat) and Tyler (a Beagle male dog) Lived: Beverly Hills, CA (for my wife and kids while living in a luxury house).
Things that I want: - Shift into other decades, including the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, and even the 1990s. - My brain or my mind to become more smarteintelligent. - Exercising everyday by eating healthy food, doing weight loss, having muscles, and my height will be 6’7. - Me and my family would have our own movie or TV special to be set or filmed in Houston from the early 1960s to the mid-1970s. - Meet Zelda (age 12) at her fancy house in West University Place at the age of 17, then began engaging with her at the age of 29 after moving to Los Angeles in 1976, and before getting married to her in 1980, at the age of 32. - Moving to Hollywood on July 31, 1976, along with my siblings and focusing our careers on movies and TV shows. - Became an actor for live-action and voice actor for Western animation, Japanese anime, and video games. - Get a job at Disney (film or television) or other companies, such as Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Warner Bros., Fox, Sony, and Universal as an artist or a creator. - Teleport to Houston, alongside my wife and siblings to visited with my parents for the holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. - Teleport to NYC, where I can appear in late-night shows such as Saturday Night Live and The Late Night Show since the late 1980s as a special guest. - Teleport to Dallas, where I can recorded shows and movies for Funimation and OkraTron 5000 since the early 2000s as a recurring guest. - Would shown the street view from the 1900s to the 2000s on Google Maps by using high quality instead of low quality. - Shown the old websites from the 1990s to the 2000s on Wayback Machine and completely using Adobe Flash Player instead of shutting down in December 2020. - Most of the color people, including black and white, were became freedom, instead of being racism. - Prevent terrible things, such as the September 11 attacks, WGA Strike, SAG-AFTRA, and the COVID-19 pandemic. - Meet the comic book creators (Bob Kane, Stan Lee, Dwayne McDuffie, Todd McFarlane) and manga artists (Akira Toriyama, Eiichiro Oda, Masashi Kishimoto, Kazuki Takahashi). - Fan conventions such as San Diego Comic-Con and New York Comic Con as an actor, creator or voice actor. - Become a writer or voice director for cartoons, anime, and video games. - All of the people and animals who were born from the 1900s to the 2020s to become immortal instead of being killed or having diagnosed. - All of the countries from around the world to become rich and wealthy. - Erase my memories where I was first born in 1998.
What are you guys think? Can any of you help me how to permashifting? I really want to stuck in my DR forever.

Demographics:
White, male, competitive public high school
Major(s):
Biochem/Chem (maybe electrical/biomed engineering?), thinking premed
Hooks:
Working on getting recruited at University of Michigan and Georgetown for debate (nothing set in stone yet, but chances are good as I’ve already been talking with both of the coaches)
ACT/SAT:
34 on ACT (31M, 36S, 34E, 35R), 1470 on SAT (770R, 700M) (I may only submit my ACT score)
GPA: 3.97 UW, school doesn’t have weighted, no class rankings
Coursework:
14 AP/IB courses in total for all 4 years
AP Human Geo (5), AP Psych (5), APUSH (5), IB Chem SL, AP Bio, AP Calc BC, AP Euro, IB English HL I
Senior Coursework:
IB Bio HL, IB European History HL, IB Spanish SL, IB Math AA SL, AP Physics C E+M, IB English HL II
Awards:
In IB program
2x Region Debate Placer
3x FBLA Region Placer
2x FBLA State Placer
1x DECA State Placer (qualified for nationals and attended)
2x top 3 HOSA State for biomedical debate
Ranked third in state for Debate
Placed 2nd in State for Debate
NHS
ECs:
Debate

• Nationally ranked
• Debate captain for 2 years
  
• Coached 2 debate teams to qualify for nationals
  
• Worked at a debate summer camp to help bring debate to underfunded communities across America
  
• Volunteered at middle schools to teach debate to bring opportunities to more kids
  
• Worked with an international non-profit to host my own debate “workshops” throughout summers to provide opportunities to people who may be interested in debate.
  

Ran non-profit that aims to reduce food waste in my community by harvesting fruit and donating to homeless shelters. 150 hours of volunteer work has saved 1000+ pounds of food from going to waste. (currently trying to collaborate with the local gov. Institutions to expand this project)
Working to publish research in the world's premier pulmonology journal on the effects of vaping (working with a PhD at local hospital)Participated in FBLA for 3 years, placed twice at regions and state
Participated in DECA for 3 years, qualified for nationals and attended
Participated in Mock Trial for 3 years
Participated in HOSA for 3 years
Attended a summer seminar at Johns Hopkins which focused on public health (9% acceptance rate)
Play in a rock band which has been hired by my city the last 3 years to play for festivals
Have played guitar for 10 years and I record and make my own music
Essays/LOR:
Still working on my essays. Tying personal growth into hardships I faced coaching debate. Probably around a 7-8/10
Hnrs Chem/IB chem teacher 9/10: Bonded with this teacher a lot throughout highschool. One of the best performing students in his classes. Can attest to my love of science and learning.
Debate Coach 10/10: Known him for 3+ years and knows how much work I put into debate and how much I love it.
Counselor 5/10: I don’t really know my counselor lol, hopefully this will still be good.
Schools:
Reaches:
UChicago (ED)
University of Michigan (EA)
Georgetown
Johns Hopkins
Northwestern
Targets:
Case Western
CU Boulder
Purdue
UW Madison
Safeties:
University of Utah
University of Washington

Demographics: Asian, Male, Public, No Hooks
Intended Major(s): Biology
ACT/SAT/SAT II: 1570 (W 770, M 800)
UW/W GPA and Rank: 3.4/3.7 -> large upward trend, 4.0 in junior year
Coursework: 2 Honors, 7 APs + 1 Self Study, 3 Dual Enrollment

• AP Psychology, AP Environmental Science, AP Microeconomics, AP Macroeconomics, AP Statistics, AP Biology, AP English Language and Composition, AP Chemistry (Self-Study)

Awards:
ISEF top 10 regionals -> qualified for internationals
(Placed 1st out of 40 Teams) in State HOSA Competitive Event (State) & one of 3 teams in Michigan sent to ILC
Top 3 Place at International Leadership Conference Competition in HOSA Competitive Event (International)
AP Scholar w/ Distinction - Granted to students who receive an average score of at least 3.5 on all AP Exams taken, and scores of 3 or higher on five or more of these exams
Econ School Award - 5s on Both AP Exams
Honor Roll
Extracurriculars:
Research Poster and Paper on Biotechnology and Next Genome Sequencing - Research to detect how genetic variation could lead to inherited diseases. Also touched upon Nucleotide Hybridization. The Research Poster will compete in SefMed/ISEF, as well as IFoRE. The Research Paper is peer-edited by professors and will compete in JSHS.

1. 11th and 12th grade, 10hrs/wk, 20wk/yr
   1. Biotechnology and Research Sequencing at the University of Michigan (501c3 research organization) - Explored Nucleotide Hybridization, and led group research linking it to a real-world disease. Analyzed related Thermodynamics, PCR, Advanced Linux, and mapping genomes. Presented a business plan on Biotechnology and Next Generation Sequencing Technology (showing how genetic variation could lead to disease).
2. 11th and 12th grade, 20hrs/wk, 3wk/yr
   1. Co-Founder of Biomed Club (Only Student-Made Medical Club @ School) (4yrs) - Led in-school Biomedical-Based Medical Club focused on healthcare careers, connecting with licensed doctors and current medical students to inspire youth and teach them about the experience through the medical process. Expanded membership from 4 to 150 in 4 years by organizing talks for younger classmen about life as a doctor.
3. 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th grade, 8hrs/wk, 35wk/yr
   1. Shadowed Internal Medicine Physician at University of Michigan - Physician has won several awards in America’s top Physicians by Consumers Research Council, as well as is a part of the John Hopkins Delta Omega Honor Society. I worked in the Biomedical Lab analyzing samples and results for patients (in real-time). I shadowed the actual checkups as well.
4. 11th and 12th grade, 30hrs/wk, 3wk/yr
   1. HOSA (Health Occupations Students of America) Competitor (all 50 states + 11 countries competed) (2yrs) - State Champion (1st out of 40 teams) in my 1st year, Only three teams are sent to ILC from Michigan, Qualified for ILC (International Leadership Conference), and placed Top 3 at ILC. Posted on 10+ nationwide news sites, as well as covered by the media. 260,000 members nationwide.
5. 11th and 12th grade, 10hrs/wk, 30wk/yr
   1. Goldfish Summer Volunteer connected w/City's Children’s Care Center (most vulnerable kids) - Instructed and taught children who have been impaired with neurological, social, and developmental challenges, as well as kids that have dealt with major trauma at a very young age to swim. Participated in a 3-week long program teaching them the basics of swimming.
6. 11th, 12th grade, 8-10hrs/wk, 4wk/yr
   1. Swim Instructor at Swim School - Worked for ~1 year, over 400 hours of work, about 8-10 hours weekly on school weeks, and closer to 15 hours during summer, CPR and Lifeguard Certified. Had several classes, weekly, with kids with disabilities, such as Down Syndrome, Autism, and ADHD.
7. 11th, 12th grade, 8-10hrs/wk, 40wk/yr
   1. Medical Student Shadowing and Cardiac Medicine Exploration at the University of Brown Alpert Medical School - Completed a Medical Interview, a Cardiopulmonary Physical Exam with a patient, reviewed different medical careers, learned about the pathophysiology of the heart, and completed an ethics course on heart transplants.
8. 11th and 12th grade, 20hrs/wk, 4wk/yr
   1. Student Made Club Tutor Board - Nonprofit focused in middle schools to help struggling middle school students with tutoring. We have tutored in homeless shelters, libraries, as well as all 7 middle schools in our district, K-8th grade. We have also tutored at Child Care centers, affiliated with Rescue Mission Ministries.
9. 11th, 12th grade, 5-6hrs/wk, 25wk/yr
   1. Michigan Ref Certified - Participated in overall 50+ hours of ref-related activities, played soccer for 13 years and competed in competitive/travel soccer for 10 years.
10. 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th grade, 2hrs/wk, 13wk/yr (for reffing)
11. 9th, 10th grade, 8hrs/wk, 35wk/yr (for soccer)

Essays/LORs/Other:
2 strong LORS from ap science teachers, 1 from doctor I shadowed
Really good essays/essay writers, will explain reasons why gpa was so low in additional sections
Schools: (in michigan) applying to a shit ton of reaches but only expecting to get into 1 or 2 that I pass the gpa check on
UPenn (ED)
UMich (EA)
Duke
JHU
Stanford
WashU
Brown
Northwestern
MSU
Wayne State
UNC
Georgetown
Columbia, Yale, Harvard
UCB
NYU
Uchicago
Boston U
Purdue

Hey guys!!!!
Currently freaking out that I'm not applying broadly enough/ won't get in anywhere. Idk if it's just anxiety or being chronically on premed forums. Would LOVE any advice about my current school list (how I can change it, what my chances are etc. etc.)
Little Bit About Me
MCAT: 514 GPA: 3.76 sGPA: 3.51 (not an upward trend...had a not great junior year)
CA Resident, First Gen and on FAP
I'm Middle Eastern (idk if that's considered URM or not)
Research: 325 hours, mostly non-clinical and no publications. one project was focused on sense of belonging among students at my college. I presented the results to college admin and spent a year using the results to implement change at my uni.
Clinical: 500 hours scribing at a free diabetic clinic, 150 hours shadowing
Non Clinical Volunteering: 600 hours, tutoring inner city kids, keeping old ppl with dementia company, making appointments and driving ppl from my community to get the covid vaccine because a lot of them don't speak English
Teaching: 100 hours as a biostats TA
Leadership: 1340 hours total, was in student government for 3 years, vp finance of my sorority, summer resident advisor
Current School List
Keck SOM
UC Los Angeles
Loma Linda SOM
UC Riverside
Kaiser Permanente SOM
Stanford SOM
UC Irvine SOM
UC San Francisco
UC San Diego
UC Davis SOM
California University of Science and Medicine
California Northstate SOM
Geisel SOM at Dartmouth
Georgetown University SOM
Warren Alpert SOM at Brown
University of Colorado SOM
University of Cincinnati COM Creighton University SOM
Boston University SOM
Wake Forest University SOM
Tufts University SOM
New York Upstate Medical SOM
New York Medical College
Hackensack Meridian SOM
George Washington SOM
Frank Netter SOM at Quinnipiac
Emory University SOM
Chicago Medical School at Rosalind Franklin SOM
University of Miami SOM
UNC Chapel Hill SOM
Pennsylvania University SOM
Ohio State SOM
Geisinger Commonwealth SOM
Drexel University College of Medicine
Albert Einstein SOM
Virginia Tech Carilion SOM
University of Illinois SOM
Tulane SOM
Rush Medical College
Northeast Ohio Medical University
Loyola SOM
Lewis Katz SOM at Temple University
Jacobs SOM
Anne Burnettt SOM at TCU
Albany Medical College

(Very much an early draft, so criticism and advice is absolutely appreciated, lol-)
​
Entry 1203
12/4/24
Hey! I thought I’d start a new book- a new diary. You know, new house, new part of my life, I guess. Anyway, it starts here. This one, at least- I lost most of the others a while ago, I’m afraid.
I walked back into that house for the first time today, since last I visited my uncle. It was- weird. But also kind of nostalgic? Like, I remember these rooms and places from my childhood- but they seem different now. Empty- with him gone. I suppose that makes sense. I don’t know if I’m still processing the grief, or whatever- I’ve done enough crying, I mean. He’s gone, and that’s all there is to it, right? I’ve always seen it that way, with losing people. But I guess a lot of it is subconscious. I don’t know that we can really, like- manipulate that aspect of ourselves? It’s weird.
That’s probably it- the house is nice, and normal- I’m writing from inside his study. It’s this massive room with a load of papers and books- and a really cluttered desk in the middle. I love this desk, always have. It’s awesome too, to be able to go in there, and, like- be able to actually read the manuscripts. He never let me before- I can see why now, there’s some pretty disturbing stuff in there. He was such an amazing writer, and even the rejected concepts he kept in there are amazing. There are some letters, too! I have most of them enclosed in old entries, but there are some he didn’t seem to have sent? There’s a weird one- I’ll put a copy in here. Most of them are to me, anyway- I didn’t realize that at the time. I didn’t know he was so lonely here. I’m starting to
I’ve talked in here before about the house being, like, you know- creepy? I had a nightmare about here, once. Must’ve been, like- a kid. 12 or 13? Long before I started writing this diary. I used to get a lot of nightmares. But this one wasn’t like the rest- it wasn’t that there was some big monster chasing me, or that someone I loved was dead, or that it was that I was just- here. In the house. Alone, somehow- I don’t know how to talk about it, really. But I keep thinking about it- keep remembering it. I think I still have the page where I talked about the dream somewhere- I’ll put it in here if I find it. I remember submitting the page to English- top of the class. I really have him to thank for that, suppose I inherited some of his talents.
Well, I’ll write again tomorrow- Oh, and- I made a friend! There’s this cat in the house. It’s weirdly thin, but I guess it’s been living round here. Probably taking food from Lindow, and sleeping in the house- anyway, I’ve decided to take care of it. Cute little thing- I’ll put in a photo, too.
-Emily
Writing Task: Dreams- Emily Woodley
Write at least four sentences of descriptive writing based on a dream you have recently had, or one you find online.
15/20 Marks
Feedback Under Work
I’m alone. I’m alone in a place that seems so familiar, so peaceful to me- a place which once felt so comforting, but which is now my prison. My lonely prison. I haven’t seen another person in days- I just wander these hallways by myself, through this endless twisting labyrinth of the house I used to love- I think I’m trying to find someone. But I don’t. I don’t even know who I’m looking for- is it someone specific, or just- another life? Another face in the loneliness? I hope I don’t find anyone else. Because then- it’d mean someone else was stuck here too. I wish I didn’t know this place- that it was as much a stranger to me as I am to it. That it was simply somewhere, a meaningless spot in the universe that nobody would care for. I don’t like caring for it. Now, I know it’s wrong. It might be easier if I didn’t.
Feedback: Excellent work! Very emotive- I can tell you’ve put a lot of yourself into this. My only criticism would be your use of “but” at the beginning of a sentence- that’s a habit you should probably break. Amazing work though!
-This is actually pretty funny in retrospect, I never really broke that habit.
-I found that letter from my uncle, by the way-
Dr Grayson,
I’d like to issue an apology for how I acted in my last session. It was wrong, and I am sorry.
Your use of specific terms to describe what I am going through was simply- disconcerting. I do not like to think of myself as insane. I have a degree in psychology, and I can tell you that what I feel is not a simple insanity or psychosis. However, your methods have helped, apart from that-
The rest of it is torn off. It’s weird though- I never knew he had a therapist. I guess he must’ve lived in Lindow? Maybe he’s still there. Hmm- I’ll ask around tomorrow, see what I can find about him. I don’t know why I’m so weirded out by this- why would he tell us if he had mental health problems? He was always a private person. But I’m still curious. He said that was always my trouble.
Oh and- speaking of Lindow tomorrow, I’d better buy some cat food while I’m in there- I’m not sure what to name him yet, but here’s a photo:
Entry 1204
13/4/24
Hi again. Emily here, obviously- I’m writing from the study again- Decided to start saying the time, as well. It’s the morning, about 9:30, so I thought I’d write a shorter entry now before I go into Lindow later. I slept okay- I’ve never been good at adjusting to new beds, so that’s amazing for me. The cat helped, too- he curled up near my legs while I slept. I’m glad he likes me- I’ve never had a pet before. Well- not much else to say. I’ll write again after Lindow, bye!
Hi! It’s the evening now- I just got back from Lindow, like you probably expected. Nice old place- I can see why my uncle liked the area so much. There’s this really beautiful forest between here and the town- I drove through it on the way, but it doesn’t beat walking there today. Lindow was nice, like I said- Quaint, I guess the word would be. I got some groceries at the shop in town, well, I think it was. Hard to say. I sure as heck wasn’t going to the supermarket on the edge of town. I hate those- definitely my least favorite part of city life.
I did end up having to go to the supermarket- for the cat food. It was horrible. I don’t feel like writing too much about it- oh well, at least Toffee’s happy. The cat, I mean- I’ve decided to call him Toffee. You probably guessed- oh well. I asked the cashier lady- Angie, her name was- about that Dr Grayson, too. She didn’t know anyone by that name-, I don’t know why I assumed she did, I suppose I thought everyone in a town like Lindow knows each other. I’ll ask someone else next time I’m there.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful- mostly cleaning since I got back. Sorting out the study so it’s fit for a new writer. It still feels pretty morbid- but it is giving me a lot of writing inspiration. I keep remembering these little things that happened when I was here last, when my uncle was still alive, just small anecdotes. I have walked in that forest before- with him. We were talking about my story, at the time- it never went anywhere, of course. But even so, he had so much faith it would. I almost feel bad that it never did, and now he’s gone. At least now I can keep going without him, keep up the legacy, you know?
That’ll be all from me today- it’s been quite uneventful. I’ll include the draft of what I’ve been working on below- see you next time I feel like writing.
This Old House- First Draft
The rain pours down in great sheets, as if itself is trying to rot the wood of the supports that hold the thing in place- to bring down the affront that is this old house. That is this thing of wood and stone and blood and bone- that is this endless maze of deceit and insanity, that is this lonely miasma of violence, that is this flesh-stained, cold-blooded predator- like a shark circling in the waters of the world who has just smelt blood in the ocean.
This wasn’t my writing, actually- I just found this. I went over to the study to write what I mentioned before- but I found this thing from my Uncle, I think. It’s just a bit of scrap paper on the floor. But… I’ve never heard of this before. “This Old House.” A novel he was working on? Must’ve been… About the house? Maybe I’m not the first to feel this way about this place. I don’t know. We had similar imaginations, I suppose… A coincidence. It must’ve been.
I’m going to bed now, anyway. Goodnight.
Entry 1205
14/4/24
Hi again. I’ve been thinking about that draft I found yesterday, it was so different from his usual style- He always hated that flowery language, the way those sorts of books created imagery with emotional language, rather than literal descriptions. His descriptions were beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but he’d sooner describe a house in literal construction rather than a shark in the water. So, he changed, right? Only reasonable explanation- but, thing is, I can’t find anything else that matches this style. Everything else in the study is his normal writing style- the letters, the texts- it wasn’t the only draft. There were others- here.
Chapter 16 of “Why They Left”
The shadow of the chair was cast at an odd angle from the window- there seemed to be a lump, sticking out strangely. The boy heard no sound, as he slowly crept into the room. He didn’t know why he was scared, even as a sound did start to creep into his head. It was a slow, steady drip. He found the source of the dripping from behind the chair, and as he watched a droplet fall to the ground, his eyes followed it as it coalesced into the rest of the pool on the floor. It was dark and red, like water stained with copper- only it wasn’t copper. The smell, which he somehow hadn’t noticed up until now- became obvious, and the boy finally realized what it was that stuck out of the shadow of the chair.
He wasn’t the sort of author to describe a house in a similar way. I don’t see him just changing styles like that, he was extremely rigid. I don’t know- I haven’t searched all of the study, of course. But then, if it was a new book he was working on, why would he hide it? Even if it’s somewhere here- what would be the point of
It if it was just a normal manuscript?
I was thinking about this earlier- that’s why I checked the library. Books, I suppose. Before I arrived here, I was given the houses’ master key. It's meant to have access to every room in the house- that’s what I was told, you know? Well- it didn’t, simply. After thinking about it this morning, I went over to the library, in the west wing of the first floor, and looked at the lock. I didn’t bother trying the key, because the lock was so different- it was big and brass, old fashioned, and the key was just normal. I knew, somehow, that it wouldn’t get into this lock. I just… Turned away. I didn’t want to keep looking at it. Maybe, I’ll try to get a photo later.
There’s only one other lock in the house I haven’t tried, apart from the basement- the door to my uncle’s bedroom. Currently, I’m sleeping in a guest bedroom which my parents stayed in when we used to come over. It’s on the second floor, and the study is on the third, which is also just the attic.
Anyway, I haven’t been in his bedroom. I don’t know- even if I’m okay with the rest of the morbidity, it still seems too much. I don’t know exactly how he So I won’t be going in there- not yet. Not ever, I hope.
The loneliness is really starting to set in- it’s only the third day, and I’m already missing everyone. I didn’t have many real friends in the city, I know, and in many ways I’m glad to be away from my family- but still. It’s this house. It’s so big, but it’s only me in here. It’s not meant to be that way. I haven’t seen Toffee all day- but I have heard him, once or twice. It was when I was at the library- I swear I heard him meow, on the other side. I wonder how he got in there- cats have their ways, I suppose. I’m not sure what I’ll do now- I think I’ll go into Lindow again tomorrow. There’s still so much cleaning and tidying to do around here, but I don’t feel able to do it myself- not when I feel like this.
Oh- it’s the evening. Sorry, I forgot to say before. I’m thinking of taking this diary with me- so I can jot down whatever, on the fly. I keep getting this sense of deja vu- but not like I’ve been here before, more like… Like I’ve thought this before. I don’t know what it means. I… I think I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight. -Emily
Here’s a photo of the lock- along with the key, and the others in the house. Weird, right?
There is something that should not be there. The familiar, taken, replaced, hidden behind lock and key. Except that I have no key, and the lock is far unfamiliar. There is something that should not be here. What is familiar, lost, replaced, gone behind lock and key. Except that I have no key, and the lock is far unfamiliar. There is something that should not be here. The familiar, taken, replaced, hidden behind some great beast. Except that I have no weapon to slay it, and it is unknown to me how. I should not be here. I am taken, unfamiliar, to a place I should know so well except that I know nothing, and all but myself is gone. This place should not exist. The familiar, which should never have been, taken, replaced, hidden among the unknown like a grain of sand in a desert. Except that I have no means of finding it, and no means of destroying this place. There is something that should not be there. The familiar, taken, replaced, hidden behind lock and key. Except that I have no key, and the lock is far unfamiliar. There is something that should not be here. What is familiar, lost, replaced, gone behind lock and key. Except that I have no key, and the lock is far unfamiliar. There is something that should not be here. The familiar, taken, replaced, hidden behind some great beast. Except that I have no weapon to slay it, and it is unknown to me how. I should not be here. I am taken, unfamiliar, to a place I should know so well except that I know nothing, and all but myself is gone. This place should not exist. The familiar, which should never have been, taken, replaced, hidden among the unknown like a grain of sand in a desert. Except that I have no means of finding it, and no means of destroying this place. There is something that should not be there. The familiar, taken, replaced, hidden behind lock and key. Except that I have no key, and the lock is far unfamiliar. There is something that should not be here. What is familiar, lost, replaced, gone behind lock and key. Except that I have no key, and the lock is far unfamiliar. There is something that should not be here. The familiar, taken, replaced, hidden behind some great beast. Except that I have no weapon to slay it, and it is unknown to me how. I should not be here. I am taken, unfamiliar, to a place I should know so well except that I know nothing, and all but myself is gone. This place should not exist. The familiar, which should never have been, taken, replaced, hidden among the unknown like a grain of sand in a desert. Except that I have no means of finding it, and no means of destroying this place. There is something that should not be there. The familiar, taken, replaced, hidden behind lock and key. Except that I have no key, and the lock is far unfamiliar. There is something that should not be here. What is familiar, lost, replaced, gone behind lock and key. Except that I have no key, and the lock is far unfamiliar. There is something that should not be here. The familiar, taken, replaced, hidden behind some great beast. Except that I have no weapon to slay it, and it is unknown to me how. I should not be here. I am taken, unfamiliar, to a place I should know so well except that I know nothing, and all but myself is gone. This place should not exist. The familiar, which should never have been, taken, replaced, hidden among the unknown like a grain of sand in a desert. Except that I have no means of finding it, and no means of destroying this place. There is something that should not be there. The familiar, taken, replaced, hidden behind lock and key. Except that I have no key, and the lock is far unfamiliar. There is something that should not be here. What is familiar, lost, replaced, gone behind lock and key. Except that I have no key, and the lock is far unfamiliar. There is something
I decided not to go into Lindow today, after I found this, clearing out the study. I don’t know what it is. Well… Obviously, it’s some kind of writing by my uncle, for one of his books, but- I mean, you can see it? You can see why it’s so… Unnerving? Just… Just that paragraph, repeated for a page. It’s ripped off at the bottom, too- I don’t know how much longer it would’ve gone on for, but… I don’t know. I don’t know why this’s unsettled me so much. It’s obviously just a passage from that book he was working on, the same one as before- “This Old House.” but, I don’t know.
The other weird thing is… I’ve finished clearing out the study. I’ve been here four days, and it’s already done- I started doing it first because I thought it would take the longest, but no, it’s finished. It seemed so cluttered, so full of letters and manuscripts- but reading most of them, and putting the interesting ones into here, it’s only taken this long. I’m surprised, I suppose- but I don’t know why I’m still scared. It’s the library, it’s still locked, and… finding this, and finishing with the study has just reminded me of it too much. I thought that that study was his stash. Where he kept all his secrets, all his best works- but it wasn’t. I barely learned anything. Now that I write that- I don’t know what I expected to learn. I didn’t come here to learn more about my dead uncle. He’s gone, and that’s all there is to it. I came here to live here, and that’s what I’m going to do.
I’m… I’m going for a walk. I haven’t seen the lake yet, and I’d like to.
The lake was nice. It’s ironic really- I was always so scared of it, growing up. It used to seem so deep, and I was convinced for years there was some kind of monster inside it. There wasn’t, of course, monsters aren’t real. For all his faults, my uncle had done his best to impress that upon me- that however terrifying things seemed, there was no such thing as the supernatural. I still believe him- but now I don’t know if he said it because he agreed with himself, or that he just wanted to reassure me. I’m going to make dinner. I might write this evening, but probably not. I don’t know what it is today, but I just feel so sluggish and tired. Oh well, the walk did help. I’m not afraid anymore. Just tired, really. Oh, I forgot to put the date- I’ll do that now, sorry.
Entry 1206
15/6/24
Entry 1207
16/4/24
Afternoon
Going into Lindow helped a lot, I think. Being able to actually see and talk to other faces, I feel less scared and isolated now. Even if… Even if later, I have to go back into the house. I’m not there now, I’m in the town square- there’s a fountain, and some benches next to it. I’m on one of them, writing this.
I thought I may as well buy food while I was in here, so I was just in the same shop as last time. Turns out it doesn’t really have a name, but most people call it “Broken Tree Supplies,” after, well, a tree- it’d fallen a couple years back, apparently, and just narrowly missed the shop. Angie told me that- the cashier? We got to talking. She asked who I was- just traveling through, or staying. I told her the truth. She seemed surprised to hear that the “weird old guy” as she had described my uncle, had had family- even estranged. She knew the place, though. Everyone did. Apparently, my uncle had quite a reputation, as the rich recluse outside of town. No offense though, Angie had said. “You seem nicer.” She smiled. I smiled back, slightly shyly. “Em, is it?” “Emily.” “Nice to meet you. It’s not every day we see a new face around here, most people are creeped out by the forest- or housing prices.” I smiled again at the joke. “I don’t mind the woods- they’re nice actually. And, as for housing prices, well- not like I bought the place.” Angie smiled back at me.
“Quite. Well… how is it?” “The house?” “Oh, yeah. If it’s not too personal, we’ve always been interested in the place. Your uncle ran a tight ship, though. Hated intruders.” I nodded. It sounded like him. “You do seem nicer though.” Angie smiled again. “Always good to see a new friendly face.” “Same to you.” I nodded again, and turned away, before Angie called me to wait. “You think I could ever… I don’t know, come round there? I’ve always been really curious.” She must have noticed my small blush, because she shook her head suddenly. “No, I didn’t mean- I just…” I shook my head, the blush clearing. “It’s okay! Actually… That’d be nice. It’s pretty lonely in there, and… A second opinion might help.” Angie opened her mouth, as if to ask another question, but the shop's door swung open behind me, and I hastily walked out as the other stepped in.
It’s only writing this now that I remember that I forgot to ask about that Dr Grayson from a few days ago. Oh well- I doubt she’d have known anything anyway. I’m going home in any case.
Huh. I’m back at the house now, and, re-reading what I wrote earlier, I see the word “home.” I’m not sure how to feel about that. I suppose it is my home now, for better or worse. I don’t know why I still feel like this, still that the house itself is somehow odd, sinister- it isn’t. It’s just a house. I hope I can see Angie again soon. I don’t know if I’ll be able to explain any of this to her, but it’ll be nice to have someone else anyway.
I was lying yesterday. I do want to know him- my uncle, I mean. Of course I do. He was always so secretive, so reclusive- and, as a kid, I always accepted that. He was just my cool and weird, albeit slightly scary sometimes, uncle. My inspiration as a writer. But lately, I keep remembering things, details, stuff that I’d forgotten from my childhood. Both at home, and when we started visiting. I remember a very definite dividing line, somehow, from when I was about nine or ten. Before that, I don’t think I knew he existed. After that, though, we visited on about a bi-yearly basis, up until the months leading up to his death.
Now that I come to think of it, my parents, my mother- his sister- had always resented him. I don’t think they hated each other, not really, but still. Why visit a brother you were so bitter towards? My mother was never a woman for family ties, either. If she didn’t want to see him, she wouldn’t have bothered. And it was never my idea, not at first. I barely remember that first visit. He’d been the most reclusive I would see until the last visit I made to him- until I’d made some joke. He just stared at me for a moment, blinking almost uncomprehendingly, before heartily. For all that could be said about my uncle, he had a sense of humor. A dark and arguably twisted one, but one nonetheless. Kindred spirits, I suppose.
I wasn’t allowed in the study on that first visit. He’d shook his head, said it was too scary a place for a little girl. I was allowed in the library though.
I wish I could say more, but I don’t remember it. I think I would if it was unusual in any way, but- I have no idea. It was just a library, from what I recall. It was locked on my later visits, and, when on my second at around twelve- I mentioned that I wanted to be a writer, he’d shown me the study, and a manuscript he’d been working on. I’d shown him my diary, where I wrote all my stories. I won’t put what I showed him here. I still have it, but it’s embarrassing to read my writing from seven years ago, so I won’t put it here.
It’s getting late, and I haven’t slept much these past few days. Granted, I never sleep well, but this is bad, even for me. I’m signing off for today. Goodnight.
I know I said I cleaned out the study. I know I did, actually- but I just get this feeling, like there’s something I’m missing.
I didn’t sleep. I haven’t slept. It’s 3AM, and I’m still writing, I can barely see the ink in the dark. I’ve decided to give up on this- I’m that close to starting a corkboard with red string and pins. I’m curious, of course I am- he was so mysterious, and I feel as if I’m just starting to know him, even if I have my whole life. But- this, the writing, the theorizing, the “mystery” it isn’t helping. It’s just a house that I have to live in now, and, if I keep treating it like it's some kind of monster, it won’t exactly be happy. I might write in here again, but I’m done for now. Bye.
-Em