I’ve heard people say that it doesn’t matter how much sugar you eat just how long you eat it. Is this true?
Does slowly eating a burger with 3 grams of sugar worse for your teeth than quickly eating a candy bar with 20 grams?
Everyone who answers questions is awesome

Hi there, so I have quit sugar several times, the last time was when I did the Whole 30 from nov 2022 to April 2023. I noticed that I started to get too thin and was losing muscle. I began watching YT videos on strength training and body building content where they strongly advocate eating sugars (often process sugars like cereal) post work out to "get bigger" and replenish your glycogen stores post workout. This led me down a dark path with sugar and by October 2023 I was back to overeating sugar. I steadily binged on sugar from Oct 2023 to current, with today being day two of no added sugar. I would eat chocolate candies at the office, eat several granola bars (fig bars), then stopped at the grocery store and get pastries for dinner. I stopped eating most fruits, veg, and protein and would just eat sugar all day. I know how bad this is.
I have a history of alcoholism and I quit drinking in 2018 when I found out I was accepted into Master's program and was getting my life together. What currently prevents me from drinking is knowing that if I pick up the bottle, I would lose everything. I wouldn't be able to work and support myself and my drinking would absolutely culminate in my losing my license and everything I have worked so hard for. I know this mentality doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me, I follow the "only one drop" recovery model and yes I know some view this as a self fulfilling prophecy, however it works for me. With sugar, it's doesn't have the same gravity and it can be easy to justify. If I pick up a hersey's kiss it likely won't culminate in me losing everything, therefore I need help thinking of what I have to lose if I relapse on sugar. I think about being so grumpy and depressed that it's hard to function and I could eventually start missing work, I think of diabetes, heart disease, losing limbs, I think of how I isolate when I feel self conscious, fat and bloated, I think of money wasted on sugar, how sick and sad I feel after sugar, but I feel like I am missing something. What are your whys for quitting and sustaining your sobriety? Is there something I am missing?

Scott Masterson had first met Scarlett at a rooftop party in downtown Dallas. Their age and the time of year were both in late springtime, them in their mid twenties and the date in early May. He had on a sharp yet breezy blazer and she astonished in a thigh length sleeveless blue dress.
“Oh hey Scott I don’t believe you two have met…” his then happily married friend had remarked with a slow swinging open hand toward her.
“Scott Masterson…reluctant friend to this knucklehead” he said with a tight lipped grin, trying not to be so obvious with his instant rapture.
“Scarlett…a pleasure…”
Her hand was so delicate to Scott’s touch. They locked eyes. It was like looking back through centuries of connection, endless days of laying in the sun next to the Seine River, or rising to Hollywood fame in the 1940’s and only having each other who would understand the glory and the pain of it all, or generations of quiet, simple country love that would bear such beautiful, happy children that would go on to raise beautiful, happy children, all with their dark blue eyes. Yes, the memories of every love story since the beginning of time was swirling right there in Scarlett’s irises. Scott had to catch himself before he stared embarrassingly too long.
“Sorry Scottie here doesn’t get out often” his friend quipped, which Scott appreciated actually, it helped him snap back to professionalism.
“Well I don’t either…at least I prefer not to.” Scarlett’s words flowed through the air like a flock of rose petals.
“Hey, kindred spirits.” Scott was really sensing a rising energy out of her, they had barely broken eye contact.
“Well, I’ll let you two have at it, I got a wife around here somewhere. Hey…Scott and Scarlett…not bad, not bad.” His friend exited stage right with a sly chuckle.
“Nice guy…so…what are you drinking, Scarlett?” Scott looked around for the emptiest corner of the rooftop bar, hoping to find a nice place for them to be able to hear each other. This night had just become something.
“That depends, Scott…what do you like?”
Oh man.
Well, as you can expect, the evening blossomed into a beautiful, long winded conversation that etched a long list of similarities between the two. They both lived in the city, had never married, and had dreamed of stable, simpler lives far away from tall buildings and busy streets. The next morning Scott awoke in her arms, which warmed much deeper than just his skin. He could feel her soothing his very identity, his future, everything. Her arms were tailor made to fit his very soul, and he had never felt more safe and at home.
“Mmm…you can stay right here…” she whispered, eyes still closed.
“I will…I will”
They both fell back asleep, into a dream that wouldn’t end upon waking.
Two years passed and suddenly they lived that simple backwoods life, way out where acres of land far out-populated the few and far between people. They took a lovely home, which happily looked over a long backyard, right up to a lively yet mostly undisturbed river. Their only neighbor within a mile was an older ranch worker named Charles, who rarely made himself perceivable. Days were spent way on into town where they both had offices. They didn’t mind the commute. Nights were spent mostly like this night, cuddled outside near a lovely little fire, with a slowly shrinking amount of wine sitting between them. Enjoying their Kingdom. Tonight, however, would prove to be a special night, for many reasons, all unexpected.
“Honey, I’ve been thinking…” Scott began, sitting up and opening his hands to the warmth of the fire.
“Oh?” Scarlett also sat up, eyes widening.
“So look, Scarlett, the last two years have been the best of my life. An absolute dream…”
She held her breath, her focus darting between his eyes and mouth.
“Yeah?”
“We have everything we ever want out here. But…what if there’s more?”
“More?” She had envisioned this very conversation hundreds of times.
“Our dreams have come true, but what if we…made some new dreams?” Scott turned and embedded his eyes into hers. He burst into a big smile.
“Scott…I thought…”
“Nevermind what I said” he cut her off, which he always made a point to never do, but this was a good exception.
“I’m ready, Scarlett…let’s have a family.”
“Ohhhh Scott, oh Scott”
They hugged tight enough to where it hurt.
“Well, in that case, we may need to open another bottle.” She said playfully, bouncing her eyebrows twice.
“Excellent. I’ll be right up. I’ll put this fire out and then start yours up.”
“Oh stop!” She bounded away girlishly, up the snowy back steps and into the house.
Scott let out a big sigh that he could see in the cold air and sat back in his chair, taking in his decision. He really was ready. He had secretly been keeping a long list of names that he liked and that he thought would work in front of Masterson. Especially little girl names. He stared into the campfire flames, getting lost imagining the three of them sitting right here, a little girl resting securely in Scarlett’s arms, as Scott had found himself, and stayed within these past two years.
Suddenly his trance was broken when, from the road in front of their house, came the sound of a vehicle approaching at high speed. Scott snapped his head back toward the house to get a better listen. He could see, around the house and through the trees, a large truck barreling down the country road, its headlights racing and bouncing with intensity. In an instant, it had passed up the road and out of sight.
“Huh?”
Soon, after a moment of silence, another sound echoed into the night. This sound rattled Scott to the bone and tore all that was right in his world into pieces. A sharp, bellowing squeal. His eyes shot over to his neighbors house, which was about a tenth of a mile to his right but still had a couple dim lights on that he could see. The shriek seemed to come from there.
Then, more squeals. It was hellish. More than animal but not quite human. Scott stood up. He heard crashing and tearing and further destruction coming from Charles’ house.
“Scarlett!! Scarlett!” He yelled toward his house, where he looked and could see her silhouette behind the curtains at the kitchen window. She didn’t seem to hear him.
He turned back toward his neighbors. The chaos had gone quiet. Not a half a moment after, though, he heard something big barreling through the trees as fast as that truck had been sprinting. Running, running furiously between the two houses. Searching, hunting. Scott was taken aback so hard that his heel had caught the edge of the fire pit, throwing him down only inches away from severe burns. He had knocked his head in the whiplash, making him groan and take a moment to regain his bearings.
“SCARLETT!!!!”
He screamed out toward his home as he sat up, rubbing a quickly rising bump on the back of his head. He heard a loud breaching on the side of his house. The patio door. No. No. Then, all hell broke loose. Scarlett started wailing and crying and he could hear crashes of plates and glasses and deep guttural roars coming from the kitchen inside. Shadows danced in a frenzy from the curtained windows. Sounds of instinctual survival seemed to be thrown from Scarlett inside. Sounds of defeat. Sounds of agony. Sounds of insanity. Scott sprang to his feet, his equilibrium being more damaged than he realized after his fall. He had to catch his hand on a chair to stabilize himself. Scarlett’s symphony of pain had gone quiet. Soon after something burst back out the patio door again and off in the same direction as that truck before.
Scott struggled back up to the house, slowly climbing the wintered, crunching stairs that led to the patio. He no longer yelled for Scarlett. In fact, the only thing that came to his senses was the sound of his own heavy breathing. Everything else had been turned off, save for a heavy and sudden dread that he had prayed he would never feel. He came to the side of his house where indeed the patio door had been busted and forced open. It laid inside the kitchen, its hinges snapped like toothpicks. Scott, with eyes wide and twitching, slowly entered his home and looked into the kitchen.
He didn’t scream. He didn’t even change his breathing. He didn’t blink. He just got a good long look at what laid before him.
Everything was broken. The fridge was on its side, the door hanging open and food and drink scattered all over the floor. The table was upended, its legs to the ceiling. A chair was resting on the counter, possibly having been thrown in defense. And Scarlett. Oh Scarlett. She…was…everywhere. She was all over the floor. She was sprayed against the walls. She was stuck to the window. She was in the sink.
Scott gently walked through the carnal mess and sabotage of his world. Long ago he had known exactly what he would do if something anywhere near this bad were to happen to him. He politely stumbled through the kitchen, down the hall, and into the bedroom. He opened his closet door and lowered a fire safe from the top rack. He unlocked it with a passcode. 511, after that warm May date when he had first met Scarlett. In the safe was a Sig Sauer P320 handgun. Scott took it out, along with a box of bullets, loaded one into the gun, put the safe back on its rack, and walked out of the closet, sitting on his bed. Their bed. Where they should’ve been laying right at this very moment, working toward a happy future. Where he would’ve kissed her forehead and put a hand on her growing midsection. Where they would have awoken on Christmas morning to the sound of children who were way too excited to remain asleep. Where they would’ve grown old. Where they would’ve smiled at each other through wrinkles, satisfied with all the love they shared and passed on to the next generations. Where they would’ve held each other in deep peace as they finally fell asleep to this world.
“I will…I will”
In one quick motion Scott pulled back the hammer and stuck the barrel of that pistol right up against his Governor and blew himself away, far away, right back into Scarlett’s loving arms.
Jeremy “Smallmouth” Bassett quickly yet stealthily made his way back to his Uncle’s house. He hugged the sides of the dark country road, keeping his eyes and ears wide open as to notice any sounds pertaining to the event that he had just witnessed there in the field next to the huge blaze. His only thought was Uncle Chuck. His house was right on the warpath of that horrible thing and Smallmouth had to go to him and make sure he was safe. He dared not go back to his truck, which would bring a lot of unwanted attention. No, Smallmouth walked and walked and finally saw the lights of his Uncle’s house. He carefully approached the front door from the shadowed driveway. Suddenly it occurred to Smallmouth that something was very wrong here. The door was busted in, having been plowed through by something very large and very strong.
“No…no…no”
Smallmouth slowly entered the house. The kitchen and living room were a disaster, chairs and tables and bottles strewn about and shattered. Bloody hoof-prints covered the floors, each of them the size of dinner plates. Smallmouth heard no noise. He felt himself well with tears, his nose a faucet that he began to sniff up as he worked his way through to his Uncle’s room, the door there also being broken in. A small whine growing in his throat, Smallmouth peaked into his uncles bedroom.
It was all in tatters. The bed had been attacked and shredded, the mattress being ripped up and thrown about as if it were made of cotton candy. More bloody hoof-prints were painted all over the brown carpet. Smallmouth trembled and put a hand up to his wet face. He didn’t see a way that his Uncle was anywhere near alive, knowing what he knew about the monster that had been in this house.
Smallmouth slowly walked to the living room, to the only little table that had been untouched in the attack. It was almost as if the bottle of whiskey teleported into his hand from the overturned cabinet, unopened. He fixed that real quick.
Soon he was several pulls deep of the only thing in the world that he knew would make him feel better, even if only for a few hours. He found his pack of cigarettes in his coat pocket and lit one up, although he was indoors. What did it matter? He sat in a chair that he had turned right side up and set the bottle on the table and looked out the back window into the pitch black. He cried for his Uncle and he cried for the world. He cried for himself. He cried for broken promises and his own weakness. He drank and drank until his vision shook from right to left everywhere he looked. At first he didn’t even notice the figures on the back porch. Then his vibrating focus did pick up on them, but by then it was too late. It was so dark out there but in their outlines he could see they wore long robes and hoods.
“HA!! COME AND GET ME! HAHA!! YOU COME AND YOU GET ME!!” Smallmouth boasted with a delusional amount of courage.
A creak escaped from the kitchen and he drunkenly slung his head over toward it. Three more figures stood there. Or was it just one? Smallmouth was none the wiser. All at once the hooded intruders from both inside and outside began to chant a strange, twisted rhyme in strikingly low and dissonant harmony:
“A sliver…of liver…goes down…with a shiver… …and gives…your gullet…to gall… …but drink…the Cider…that drowns…the Spider… …and you…will be free…of it all… …so tighten the grip…that loosens your lips… …O raise…the bottle…of brown… …and wake tomorrow…to find…in sorrow… …ANOTHER…SPIDER…TO…DROWN”
Smallmouth groaned at them in dissatisfaction and turned his bottle up again and began to chug the whiskey. As he did they repeated the chant except this time it was louder and closer. By the time Smallmouth had finished his bottle he was quickly losing consciousness. This wasn’t just whiskey. As he closed his eyes he felt hands grabbing him from all sides.
Smallmouth pulled open his sticky eyelids. His head felt like someone had bowled a strike into it. Wind froze his face. The smell of sickly, wet iron stung his nostrils. His vantage was higher than usual. Way higher. He was looking out into another field, but from easily ten feet up. He saw an old church, formerly painted white but now a flaky pale-beige. He heard the friction of a quick pull of rope below him, matched with a slight, tight pain at his feet. He looked down. A red-robed figure was fastening him against a wooden structure of some kind. His feet sat on a small flat platform perpendicular to a post that went from the ground up past smallmouths head. He couldn’t move his arms, so he quickly shot his eyes side to side. They were also tied to another horizontal post. A cross. He was being tied to a crude wooden cross. His shirt had been removed, exposing a hairy, overweight belly. Smallmouth tried to speak, but all that came out was a slow, unintelligible grumble. He was still drunk. No, this was more than that. He was under the influence of something strong and absolutely inhibitive. He wallowed again, and took in a deep breath. The smell of iron once again hit his nose. He looked down at himself. He was covered in a thick, red liquid. That wasn’t just the smell of iron. He had been splashed full body with blood.
“Now now, young servant…” the figure at his feet had finished his task and took a couple of steps out to admire his own handiwork.
“Ahh…perfect. The picture of martyrdom. Yes, you will always be remembered, Brother Bassett. You are to be the first Saint of The New Bible.” He opened his arms in his declaration.
Smallmouth looked up into the cold night sky. The moon shown down, giving everything a midnight spotlight. It was a gorgeous waxing gibbous, big and bright but not quite full. Yes, he was in a great big snowy field that housed an old worn down church. From the windows of the church he saw candles glowing, showing dark heads and shoulders looking out to him, also covered in loose hoods, hiding faces. He was hanging on a cross about one hundred feet from the old church. In front of the cross was a partially covered pit, a couple of two by fours supporting double armfuls of branches and dead leaves.
The figure at the base of the cross put his arms back to his side. He was still looking right at the drugged Smallmouth’s dumbstruck face. Even with a veiled mouth you could hear the twisted smile in his voice.
“Tonight you will help us finally defeat this legion, Smallmouth. You see, it may have the evil spirits within it, but at its core, it is still an owned animal. An animal that knows its Master very well. An animal that will remember the smell of its Master. You, my friend, are covered in its Master right now. And you are hanging on a cross, the symbol of this brute’s most hated enemy. But take heart, young Brother. Before you is our pit of spears. Yes you will attract the beast, but our Divine plan will intercept it and the beast will fall and be pierced. And then, oh dear brother, you will forever be immortalized. You will be purified in fire by the hands of your church brethren. Out of your screams and into the smoke the iniquities of all will be released. We will go on to preach your good example and your sainthood forever and ever.”
Smallmouth began to drool and hum pathetically. He could hear and understand the words of the robed man but he couldn’t fight back. His body was useless, limp inside its rope confines. All he could do now is think, and watch, and wait, and dread his fate.
The figure turned away from him, walking over near the pit and gathering up a bundle of brambles and throwing them over the last open area, covering it completely. He then crunched through the snow over to the front door of the old church, groaning open the door. He stood at the dark doorway for a few seconds in silence, and then began to make a noise. An over exaggerated pig squealing noise, high pitched and infuriating. Soon after other voices from inside the church began to do the same, their wailing echoing out of the building and all across the field, loudly signaling, calling out. It may as well have been a dinner bell. Not a half minute after they began the distress signal it was loudly answered by a distant squall. A furious squall.
This was it. Either way it happened Smallmouth was about to die. Experience terror, and then die, and not even have the ability to put up any kind of defense. It wasn’t fair. He just slowly lifted up his head and watched out far into the moonlit, white field. He then raised his heavy head further and took a good gander at the moon and stars for the last time.
“God,” he thought to himself, still having full inner monologue yet no outer motor function, “I am so sorry. I am so sorry for being what I am. I am so sorry for ending up in this place. It’s only my own fault. If it wasn’t for me being so stupid and messy and drunk and terrible then this wouldnt be happening to me.”
He began to shed tears that washed lines into the blood on his face.
“Please forgive me God. Please, please, please forgive me for all of my sins. This is it. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!” He yelled inside his own mind, hoping and trying to send his silent words as far up into heaven as they could go.
He lowered his eyes back to the ground. He looked over at the church again. The windows were empty, the candles were extinguished. Those hooded cowards were hiding from their own handmade sacrificial service. All was quiet for a long pause until a much louder, closer bleating began at the edge of the forest not even three hundred feet away from Smallmouth’s glazed over eyes. It was time, and it was too late for a miracle.
Out of the woods, slowly and heavily, stomped the massive hog. As it marched closer and closer Smallmouth could see its white, boiled over eyes and black-burnt skin. Its jaws were flying open and snapping its sharp, pocket knife-sized teeth together in an intimidating “clack”. It was now less than a hundred feet away, the dark old church to its right shoulder. It stopped, its pale glowing eyes fixed right on Smallmouth on the crude cross. It truly was a monster. It stood as tall as a man and as long as a canoe. Around its murderous mouth were stains of red, the remnants of all that it had taken from the world on this unholy night. In its clanging jaws were bits of flesh. It snorted and scowled.
Then, in a fury, it wailed that horrible squeal and started off into a dead sprint. It galloped and galloped toward Smallmouth at a high, blistering speed. It kept yawping and howling as it cut the distance from the cross down to fifty feet, forty feet, thirty, twenty. All at once it passed over the covered pit and plunged in. In his doomed, dead eyed stupor Smallmouth could hear what sounded like paint being dumped from a rooftop onto concrete. Trails of black liquid squirted and splashed up from the pit, which had been uncovered in the fall of the beast. Unbelieving, Smallmouth saw dozens of steel spear tips standing up from the dug-in ground. Right in the middle of them the beast was stuck. The sheer weight of the animal had caused the spears to pierce through its tough skin, sticking out of its back, soaked in black blood. One spear had stabbed right under the hogs chin, passing up through its jaws and out its black snout. It made agonized sounds. It roared and roared and shook the spears inside it, beginning furiously, then growing weaker and weaker within seconds. Finally, it let out one last weak little squeal, before it went still and quiet.
Smallmouth was frozen both physically by drugs and constraints and mentally by shock. His mouth hung open toward the pit of spears, his vision blurry. He took in a deep, troubled breath and let out a moan of disbelief and relief. The old church doors sprang open, and the sound of jubilation within flowed out into the night. The red robed figures flocked out of the building toward the pit, arms raised in celebration. They surrounded the hole, getting a good look at their success and their enemies defeat. Some held additional spears and began further stabbing the dead animal, causing more black blood to be shed up at them. They all yelled loudly and triumphantly. Some danced around the pit. Some skipped over to Smallmouth on the cross and danced around him, slapping his legs and spinning in circles.
Smallmouth looked on at the raucous celebration, both in utter disbelief of their trap actually working and also in turmoil. How long now until they fully execute their plan.
A taller robed man, whose voice matched the same one who spoke to Smallmouth as he tied his feet, spoke up, sounding almost happily intoxicated.
“Ahh yes my Brothers!! It is done!! We have won!!!”
They all whooped and cheered.
“Brother Norman, go into the church and bring me the small tank of fuel. Let us send our dear Saint Bassett to the Holy lands, where he will be adored for all eternity!”
They all clapped and hollered. One figure began childishly skipping away from the pit and over toward the front door of the church.
Then, it happened.
From the pit all of a sudden a great blaze erupted instantly. It stood as tall as the cross, and it burned a furious red and blue. It raged and raged, blinding Smallmouth and making him clumsily turn his face away from the heat.
All of the figures panicked, screaming and scattering away toward the church. They didn’t get far. Up from the fiery pit, dozens of long, long, black arms, adorned with six hooking claws emerged and stretched out of the flames and latched on to the legs of those trying to escape. Smallmouth heard crying and wailing from the men as the black, razor clawed-hands of the legion grabbed them and began pulling them back, into the blazes. One by one the red robed people were dragged into the flames, their clothes catching instantly. Smallmouth could see violently shaking bodies in the evil furnace. Oh, the screams. Above the tortured howling, the sound of laughing broke out. Deep, menacing laughter, hundreds of voices, echoed up into the air from the burning hole. Then, in one extinguishing squeeze, the ground swallowed the entirety of the fiery pit, leaving it completely covered in dirt, still and quiet. Soon after, and just like the pit of spears, the old church building caught in an instant and raging fire, quickly toppling the walls and dropping the steeple into its ruins. The smoke towered high in the night sky, which had just began to hint at a pale morning blue. Smallmouth hung on his cross in utter horror and surprise.
As the late evening hours glowed into early morning the smoke eventually tapered off, as Smallmouth’s drugs finally began to wear off as well. The fires of the church did garner long distance attention, though. Just as Smallmouth was able to regain control of his muscles and voice he heard emergency sirens call out into the cold morning air. Not long after, two fire trucks, an ambulance and a sheriffs truck tore into the field and toward Smallmouth on the cross. Not long after Smallmouth could feel the tied ropes being cut loose by firemen, their uniforms easily the best red clothes he had seen all night.
“What on God’s green Earth happened here son?” A bearded man with a dark hat and brown shirt and pants asked Smallmouth once he had been lowered down from the cross and sat on the ground with a shock blanket around his shoulders. The Sheriff, no doubt.
“God’s green Earth. It really is God’s, isn’t it?” Smallmouth whispered, staring out across the cold field. Then, at the very place he was staring, an old, familiar truck came barreling out of the gravel road in the woods and through the field in the steadily growing morning light. It was Uncle Chuck’s truck. It hurried over toward the other emergency vehicles, parked, the driver’s side door burst open, and Uncle Chuck came bounding out over to Smallmouth, his eyes wide and his mouth a wonderfully shocked “O”.
“JEREMY! JEREMY!!!” He basically fell on Smallmouth in a tight, warm hug. Smallmouth was caught off guard by Chuck using his real name.
His Uncle held him for several seconds and then let up, but kept his hands on Smallmouth’s shoulders.
“I thought you were dead.” Both of them said at almost the exact same time.
“I came back and your house was a mess and there was blood everywhere. I thought you were dead.” Smallmouth weakly spat out.
“Well, I woke up and you were gone, son, so I walked to the ranch to get my truck. I was worried bout ya son. I came back home and the whole place had been turned upside down. Blood on the carpet. I just thought the worst. Then I tried my neighbors house. Buddy, they’re dead. Looks like some wacko murder-suicide if I ever saw one. Scott probably tried to come kill us too and wrecked the place when he found it empty. I don’t know. But what I DO know is that you are right here! You are okay Jeremy!! Ahhh Praise Jesus!!”
“It’s not that, Uncle. That isn’t what happened out here. It’s..it was a..a, uh…”
Smallmouth’s fried brain couldn’t even comprehend what he had witnessed over the past few hours. It was all a violent blur.
“Dont worry bout it son, you can tell me everything on the way to the hospital. We gotta go get you checked out and cleaned up. C’mon.” He helped Smallmouth up and they walked over to the ambulance, his Uncle’s arm thrown around his shoulder.
Smallmouth would be sent home later that afternoon. It would take him and his Uncle a long time to sort through the chaos of that deadly night and rebuild their lives. But life kept on. Smallmouth would remain living with his Uncle, and would begin a job working with him down at the ranch. Together they started to attend a local church. Smallmouth never touched a drink or a drug or even a cigarette ever again, and remained steadfast in his newly revitalized faith.

Looking to get my wife a nice keyboard for a new job! Needs to be hotswap for her, but open to offers on any 65-1800 keyboard in purple, green, or poly. Also open to small board layouts w/numpad if hotswap or built (candy bar, TKC M0lly, etc).
Looking for a macropad or numpad as well, if I go with a smaller board for her.
Budget is around $500.
Please comment before chat/DM, thanks!

TW: kcal talk, specific kcal numbers
new post, again. 🤣.
basically i was wondering this after reading some stuff about BED etc. and i know you can’t “swap” to bed after a restrictive habit etc. but: i remember during my quasi-recovery, or “more relaxed” ed phases id allow myself to eat above maintenance calories. i also remember i then ate above, above that number of maintenance calories by a bit (or was going to). it was somewhat a situation of just eating a cereal bar or something during a work out that wasn’t accounted for and while i thought to myself “ah we’re planning to go 500kcal above maintenance, why not treat yourself a bit” that led to me having to “walk off” those extra kcal and just being in the regular 500 surplus.
i guess i just need reassurance. i see people literally starving and then going all in and i feel so invalid when i was eating 3000-4000 kcal a day to maintain my weight. granted there have been phases where i did restrict more severely and some that i got really obsessive over certain things. it just seems like it wasn’t that bad.
fyi, i’m not going to restrict again, fuck counting calories, but also i am wondering if this EH/mental hunger is even real if i wasn’t “that” deprived? does that make sense.. also i always enjoyed eating a lot even during my restrictive times, i wasn’t scared of food, i just didn’t eat sweets or candy or anything because they never fit my macros and i was kinda always hungry ish and trying to eat the most amount of food for the kcal i had set. i remember when i went on that surplus for a week reading people that were saying stuff like omg it’s so hard to eat that much and i need to drink olive oil and some bullshit. i was able to eat these high kcal numbers with chicken rice broccoli some sandwiches and oatmeal and still sometimes feel hungryish, i remember i was looking for friends, jobs, meeting people to distract my brain from thinking about food 24/7.
i just wanna be valid, i wanna honour my EH, idgaf about my weight rn (i do but this is me try a convince myself i don’t) but i wanna just know that this is the case..
thanks for any insights as always guys :)

Why does each and every candy bar have to have nougat? Snickers had a bar a few years ago that I loved, and of course it was discontinued for some reason. Snickers Xtreme, red wrapper, all nuts and caramel. It was hands down the most delicious bar I've ever had, and to this day I'm still trying to find a comparable match, with no luck.

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What’s up everyone!
I’ve recently been spending a lot of time in the older games since once Pokemon bank shuts down, there will be a ton of legendary and mythical Pokemon that are locked behind the paywall of Pokemon Go…
I saw a YouTuber named Trails Pokemon and they inspired me to set out on a journey to try and catch all the Shiny Mythical and legendary Pokémon in the older games, so I could have unique ribbons and markings on them! I really wanted to do all of this in hardware though so I decided to see what I could do to try and get my favorite mythical Mew, and Celebi shiny before they become incredibly hard to get if Game freak doesn't port these games to VC on the Switch / Switch 2 which I feel like if they were going to do they'd of done already.
https://preview.redd.it/slwixku8l51d1.png?width=2560&format=png&auto=webp&s=6581f56691739e071b6e5a055a8eea1065854194
The Set Up - Video Version https://youtu.be/CmawneiP9L8?si=HVBLQnLEOssLTUlC
I figured I’d start with the first two generations, Pokémon Red and Blue to get a shiny Mew, and Pokemon Gold and Silver to get a shiny Celebi. Both of these are awesome shinies, and I missed out on the Pokemon Go Masterwork research for them… so this was my only chance to get them. I was going to be working on doing the 8F Glitch, and the Coin case glitch to get them. I am pretty familiar with the Missingno glitch in gen 1 but that’s about the only glitch I’ve ever done until attempting this.
Thankfully I had already beat Pokemon Blue in a Hardcore Nuzlocke I had done earlier in the year. So I booted up my copy of Blue, and went to catch all of the legendary Pokémon, because if I’m making a transferable, good enough for Austin John Shiny Mew, I might as well make everything shiny right?
Once I caught the legendary birds, Mewtwo, and finally Mew, I then had to to some prep work:

• Catch evolve it into Parasect.
• Use the ditto glitch to catch Arbok using a Pokemon when I do the warp glitch than encounter ditto that has 108 special to get Ekans to spawn. (since it’s not in red natively) evolve it into Arbok. (https://www.reddit.com/pokemon/comments/532i5o/a\_mostly\_handdrawn\_guide\_to\_the\_mewditto\_glitch/)
• Catch a Pidgey that I’ll need a lot later but this will need to be at 233 Hp, total Hp does not matter, current Hp needs to be 233.
• Catch an Onix
• Catch a Tentacool

Now I set up my party

1. Mew
2. Pidgey with 233 hp
3. Parasect
4. Onix
5. Tentacool
6. Arbok

Now it’s time to obtain my items I need for the 8F glitch, this uses Missingno, if you don’t know how to do the Missingno Glitch there are lots of videos. But briefly, if you speak to the catch tutorial man in viridian city, watch him catch Weedle, fly to cinnabar island and surf along the coastline you will encounter a Missingno among other Pokemon. M and Missingno are the two new needs. Whenever you encounter them they increase the item value by 128, so if you have 1 it would make it 1+128 or 129 in your inventory.
Items for 8F Glitch
Now I needed to obtain a lot of items to get ready and prepped once we obtained 8F. Most of the items here can be purchased from Celadon city mart, PP UP can be obtained in celadon city in a block right outside of the city near the fake Pokemon center.

1. 8F (we will obtain it later)
2. Any item x89 (Missingno glitch, sell 40)
3. Dire Hit x58 (Missingno glitch, sell 71)
4. Iron x37 (Missingno glitch, sell 92)
5. X Accuracy x119 (1 + Missingno glitch, sell 10)
6. Water Stone x62 (Missingno glitch, sell 67)
7. Burn Heal x50 (Missingno glitch, sell 79)
8. Pokeball x43 (Missingno glitch, sell 86)
9. Antidote x43 (Missingno glitch, sell 86)
10. Protein x62 (Missingno glitch, sell 67)
11. PP Up x60 (Missingno glitch, sell 69 (nice))
12. Ice Heal x50 (Missingno glitch, sell 79)
13. Lemonade x133 (5 + Missingno glitch)
14. Great Ball x50 (Missingno glitch, sell 79)
15. Fresh Water x34 (Missingno glitch, sell 95)
16. TM01 any #

Once I have obtained all of these items, place them in your Pc. I make sure to clean my pc out of redundant items, because we need to make sure there is still room for one more item later to complete this. Now I put all of these items into my pc, along with my Masterball to keep it all safe.
Now I go buy an X special, and make sure I have 7 items in my inventory making sure to have a Masterball in slot 7. And my x accuracy in slot 6.

1. Any item
2. Any item
3. Any item
4. Any item
5. Any item
6. X special
7. Masterball

Making sure I have a Pokémon with fly and surf in my party. Perform the Missingno glitch, once I encounter Missingno use X Special twice, use the Masterball to catch Missingno, and you should now have 255 X Special in your inventory.
With this part complete, now I move my X special to slot 3 in my inventory, and toss my first two items, this duplicates my X special. Now I start tossing stacks of X Special until there is only two scrollable spots in my inventory. Then I toss 253 specials which does some crazy things with my inventory, then swap item one with item 2 in my box, then swap them back. Now I had activated item under flow which is what I need to be able to obtain 8F.
Now I fly to Celadon city and go to the right, 1 step before the route changes. Now I toss my entire stack of X specials in slot 1, press select and pick the x special left, and scroll down into the item under flow until I find a nugget. The. I press select there to swap the nugget for the x special.
Now I walk 5 steps right, 5 steps down, and 20 steps to the right, press select on the first item, and scroll down into the item under flow, until I find 8F, press select and swap them. (This part is super sketchy. I was so worried I was going to crash my game and lose my save file here but we freaking did it!)
Now not touching anything in the menu and NOT using 8F I fly back to Cinnabar island, and deposit 8F into the pc, making sure to ONLY deposit 8F. Close the pc save, and reset my game. Now I have the 8F item! Huzzah!!
This is the first step but it felt so good to get this, it looks like the game is breaking while you’re doing this because it pretty much is lol, but if you follow the steps it works easily.
Now I deposit my x special and withdraw all of the items we set up earlier.

1. 8F
2. Any item x89
3. Dire Hit x58
4. Iron x37
5. X Accuracy x119
6. Water Stone x62
7. Burn Heal x50
8. Pokeball x43
9. Antidote x43
10. Protein x62
11. PP Up x60
12. Ice Heal x50
13. Lemonade x133
14. Great Ball x50
15. Fresh Water x34
16. TM01 any #

And setup my Pokémon I had prepared earlier:

1. Mew
2. Pidgey with 233 hp
3. Parasect
4. Onix
5. Tentacool
6. Arbok

Now with my party set up, and my items in the appropriate order (I checked like 12 times lol) I made my Mew from GF with the OT ID 22796. But this was only part one, now I needed to make it Shiny!
To set this up I needed to change everything around. I deposit my Mew into my pc into box slot one, moving all of my other Pokemon from the box mew is in into box 2 so I only had Mew in my Box 1.
I then go to the safari zone and catch a Kangaskhan.
With Kangaskhan on my team it now looks like this

1. Pidgey with 233 current hp
2. Parasect
3. Onix
4. Tentacool
5. Kangaskan

With my party of avengers Pokemon assembled, now I needed to get my bag set up. This includes changing up lots of items. So I deposit unneeded items into my pc
Bag:

1. Any item (any #)
2. 8F
3. Lemonade x170 (42 + Missingno)
4. X Accuracy x178/177* (50 + Missingno)
5. Carbos x218 (90 + Missingno)
6. Pokeball x119
7. Fresh Water x201 (73 + Missingno)

• *you use 8F then toss 1 accuracy and use 8F again

Now with everything set up, I go to my PC, double checking all of my items and my Pokémon team is correct. Then use 8F with 178 X Accuracy, drop 1 X Accuracy, and then use 8F again with 177 X Accuracy again. Now I check my Mew and all its stats have changed. And my HP stat goes beyond the hp bar but I fix this issue by going to nurse Joy and healing my Pokémon in the Pokémon center.
With this power in my hands, I then made my Articuno, Moltres, Zapdos, and Mewtwo Shiny. I also decided to make my Blastoise Johnathan shiny as well, which was my ace in my Nuzlocke run that died in the very last battle against Gary. I felt like it had earned its spot as a shiny that I could transfer to generation 9’s Scarlet and Violet.
Phewwwwwwwwwe generation 1 done… Now I need to do generation 2.. so I start out on a fresh copy of Pokemon silver and pick my boy Totodile (it's my fave starter so I of course have to pick it) name him Lyle and then proceed through the rest of the game to beat the Elite 4. During my journey from Littleroot town, I had a couple goals in this game.

1. I need to get Shiny Celebi, and the 1/8192 encounter rate wasn’t the ticket, with an unknown end date to bank I needed to get it much sooner.
2. Catch all of the legendary beasts shiny
3. Get the legendary duo Ho-Oh and Lugia Shiny
4. Make Lyle the Feraligatr shiny

Getting the Coin Case Glitch
Now I have actually never done any glitches in Pokemon Silver or gold ever so this will be my first attempt… I wipe the floor with Lance and my super OP Feraligatr. Then start setting up to get everything I need.
The first thing I snag is the namesake, the coin case. I go down into the underground in Goldenrod city and find the Coin Case that will allow us to actually perform this glitch. With Coin Case in hand, I head off to get TM27 Return from the Market top floor, this TM can only be gotten on Sunday though and if you have high friendship with the lead Pokemon, it's possible to change your date and time and it was a Thursday when I started to initiate this, so I changed my in game time and day so you don’t have to wait (https://legendarypkmn.net/pass/) Then I went off to Then off to Ilex forest to get TM02 Headbutt.
With this done, it’s now time to set up my avengers team, so I catch a Wooper, and Evolve it into Quagsire. I teach it Surf so it knows 4 moves, then teach it TM 27 Return as its first move. Once complete I hand it TM02 headbutt to hold (Do not teach it Headbutt it should be a held item). Catch a flying Pokemon, which I ended up snagging one of my favorite regional birds HootHoot. And finally a slide pokemon. So I learned that a slide Pokemon is one with Low DV’s, low friendship and is low level. Through doing this glitch three times, the best Pokemon I found was catching a Bellsprout outside of Violet city, then trade it to someone in the city for an Onix named Rocky, this Onix works every time you run this glitch (for me it has anyways) and makes this harder part of doing the glitch easy.
Now it was time to get my change pokemon so I caught 6 pokemon on Victory road to use as my pokemon I’ll be changing. Multiple Golbats, Donphan etc.
Once complete this is what my party looks like

1. Pokemon we are changing
2. Flying Pokemon
3. My Slide Pokemon in my case Rocky the Onix
4. Quagsire with Return as its first move, and holding TM02 Headbutt

Using this guide on Bulbapedia I select the box layout that I need to have set up to run these codes to get my desired outcome. I figured I’d try with Celebi first. https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Coin_Case_glitches
I change my box to match for Celebi, fly to cherry Grove city and enter the Mart. Save the game, walk out of the mart taking 4 steps to the right, opening my pokedex on Bellsprout to hear its cry, then use the coin case after switching pockets in my inventory. It glitches out my game, but after I save it the issue is fixed.
Now my Pokemon in Slot 1 is extremely broken. If I encounter anything it looks like a Celebi, but on the menu it still looks like a Golbat.
With my broken Golbat I head over to the Daycare in Goldenrod and deposit my Pokemon, here you either pay a ton of money to get your Pokemon out, or 100 pokedollars. I found if you take one step down, then walk straight out, turn right back around and enter, he only charges you 100 Poke dollars, it worked several times when I did this so hopefully if you do this it does for you as well. Once I get my Golbat back it is now a Celebi! But its not legal to transfer to home… yet anyways.
I head to Blackthorn to delete all of my Celebi’s moves that it doesn’t know legitimately, and use TMs to teach it moves it does, if you didn’t nickname your Pokemon is actual name too I would use the name rater to change the name to whatever Pokemon you changed it too.
I then proceeded to do this Glitch multiple times to obtain:
Entei
Suicune
Raikou
Ho-Oh
Lugia
Celebi (Tink)
With all of the Pokemon I was looking for obtained now it was time to turn them shiny! So I use the Bulbapedia guide again change my box names to match those of changing the shiny pokemon, https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Coin\_Case\_glitches. And keep my part composition the same.

1. Pokemon we are changing
2. Flying Pokemon
3. My Slide Pokemon in my case Rocky the Onix
4. Quagsire with Return as its first move, and holding TM02 Headbutt

Then run the coin case glitch again doing the same as above, this changes the Pokemon in slot 1 to its shiny variant! I do this multiple times, for all 6 legendaries, then to Feraligatr, and Nidoking as well. I love Nidoking shiny, it looks so freaking cool imo.
Now the last thing I needed to do was to get the Pokemon to the correct levels as a lot of these Pokemon are under the level cap that will flag as a legitimate Pokemon… so I run about 8 hrs of Elite 4 runs, and eventually get the Pokemon to the required level they need to be.
Celebi - Lvl 30
Entei - Lvl 40
Suicune - Lvl 40
Raikou - Lvl 40
Lugia - Lvl 40
Ho-Oh - Lvl 40
The fastest way to do this if I had to to do it over again, would be to change Pokemon I caught in Mount Silver, vs Pokemon on Victory Road, as Pokemon in Mt Silver are over 40, so all you would have to do is change the Pokemon itself, delete its moves, and then it would be ready to go.
Lyle the Feraligatr will live forever with me now in the current games, and so will all of these awesome legendary Pokemon.
With all of this work done, It was finally time to transfer these pokemon up to Generation 9, this was pretty time consuming. It took about 70-75 hrs to beat both games and perform the glitches / learn what I needed to do. But it was super rewarding to get them into Pokemon scarlet and Violet. The Coin case glitch is leagues easier than the 8F glitch as you can see, and way less stressful. I wasn’t worried about my game blowing up to smithereens lol. Especially with this being the first time I had ever manipulated a Pokemon game to get more out of it then just extra rare candies to level up my Pokemon
As far as the future holds, Gen 3 and Gen 4 have some opportunities as well so I will be looking at those games next! Cannot wait to get going on them!

https://preview.redd.it/hhbqrh27m51d1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=7061ac211368addf5111709234765150811d5a4b

All the normal things in life are getting harder: Harder to cook for my family and smell the food and know they get to eat it and I can't. Harder to grocery shop & see all the pastries, chips, cookies, desserts that I want but can't have. Harder to pack my kids' lunches having to smell the peanut butter butter and the bread that I want so badly. Harder to walk around the mall when I smell the pizza shop, Subway, cookies baking, pretzels, popcorn from the movies knowing I can't have it. It's harder to buy snacks for my family and see them sitting in the cupboards waiting to be eaten by them. Harder to look at the food hoard Ive created. I've had to buy 2 additional freezers because I hoard bread, bagels, lean cuisine dinners, desserts, candy bars, Crumbl Cookies but never eat them. Harder to know my family is out at a restaurant eating good food while I eat canned chicken with sugar free BBQ sauce and veggies. I am miserable. Absolutely miserable. Restriction feels amazing, yet at the same time it is misery..how can that be? I want to recover, but I don't.... I am so conflicted and tormented. I could scream. I could cry. I see an eating disorder specialized therapist Monday. I don't know what will come of it. At a 14 BMI, I need to make a decision quick. Recover or not. I just don't know if I can give up this coping mechanism. I love it and hate it.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That was u/sadhusbandry and u/sadhusbandry2. He posted in AITAH and has now deleted both accounts.
Posts were preserved using rareddit and by users in the SpilledSpicedTea community.
Thanks to u/VivienneSection for the rec!
Mood Spoiler: somewhat puzzling; I guess OOP is happy with his choices?
Original Post: February 6, 2024
My wife and I have been together for 5 years now, we have a 2 years old and we were planning to expand our family. I decided to tidy up my wife's closet because there was a mold problem in garage and I decided to inspect the whole house. There I found a gym bag with clothes, some dry fruits, some tampons and like $1000. I asked my wife about it and her face suddenly lost its color.
At first she told me that it was just an emergency bag in case we are hit by earthquake or something. I asked her why did she hid it from me then?? After a bit of back and forth, she sheepishly confessed that its a go bag. Basically women who need to flee their abusers are told to keep a go bag with all essential supplies like money and clothes and stuff. I asked her why exactly does she ever feel the need to do this. I have never even talked to her in loud voice, we barely have arguments, why does she thinks that I am gonna become an abuser.
She said she is not saying I am an abuser, she just wanted to do it for the peace of her mind. I dont buy her excuse, I dont think she trust me. Otherwise she wouldnt have to go so far. I took some days to mull it over and I have come to conclusion that I cant be with a woman who cant trust me and who see me as a abuser.
I asked her for separation and told her that I cant be with a woman who does not trust me. I believe that trust is foundation of relationship and if she doesnt trust me then its better we part ways. Now she is making excuses that she read too many "mommy forums" and let herself influenced by them.
She showed me the forums where they discuss "go bags" and how every women should have one. I get the logic but I cant stay with a woman who does not trust me to know that she never needed to do such a thing.
I agreed to take more time to think about it but I think divorce will let her find a man she trusts not to be an abuser, because she does not trust me.
​AITAH??
EDIT I am taking a break, will read and reply to good faith comments later
I would like to address common things here
Statistics should not be applied to individual cases. This kind of thinking lead to racial profiling of African Americans by unfair law enforcement. Statistics does not dictate individuals and I believe that every individual has the right to not be seen as a part of group and have statistics applied to them blindely
No she does not have history of abusive relationship.
"sounds like" is not carte blanche to accuse anyone of anything. "Dingo ate my Baby" woman was also convicted because she sounded like a murderer and its a shame that you guys feel so at ease of doing something so disgusting.
A relationship without trust is no relationship
There is no consensus bot in AITAH, but a majority of comments were YTA, or that they should try marriage counseling instead of OOP going nuclear
Update Post: May 11, 2024 (3 months later)
I made a post 3 months ago but it was removed before I deleted my account. It has been cross-posted literally everywhere that I think you guys will have no problem finding it if you are interested.
After I made my first post, I decided to officially ask for divorce. She did not take it well. She cried and refused to eat food for two days until I filled the house with candy bars. She hasnt pulled that kind of stunt after that thankfully.
For past 3 months I have to endure her crying, begging me to change my mind. She promised to never make a "go bag" again. Honestly the previous post has been eye opening to me. People here called me an abuser when I never did anything to abusive. I read every comment posted here, on other subreddits, and it seems like people will call me abuser no matter what. Some people even made up stories to paint me in bad light.
It seems that general sentiment is that its okay to mistrust men because statistics and if he complains about it, he is potentially an abuser. Why is it wrong to want to be trusted by your own wife? If I made her get rid of her "go bag", I am as good as an abuser in all of your eyes. It seems like I will be painted as an abuser unless proven otherwise. I just dont know how to prove a negative, its not like I can wear a camera all the time.
Initially my feelings were very hurt but now I am realizing the gravity of situation I am in. I just cant risk my future on a wife who does not trust me because her mere act of making a go bag was used by people here to paint me as an abuser. They said that she must have reason to make a "go bag".
How was it my fault that she read some blogs and decided to do it. I never did anything and yet people are just gonna accuse me even if I didnt do anything. You guys dont care what the truth is so what am I even supposed to do? My only choice is to leave.
I have finally moved out yesterday and I am pushing forward with divorce. I would like things to be amicable but my wife is still hellbent on stopping the divorce so that is a pipe dream for now. I am hoping when divorce becomes real, she will accept the reality.
Top comments (not from OOP):
"I'm not sure basing a divorce on Reddit opinions is the best life choice."
"Me and my husband spoke about the original post, I told him I had one for me and our daughter, he just asked can I help him prepare one… a few weeks later a house caught fire down in our town and those people had go bags, they grabbed them on the way out the fire so wasn’t left as destitute… there are a lot reasons why having a go bag is handy, I thought everyone had one until I spoke to my husband and read the comments in the first post!"
"Why not make a go-bag yourself? Plenty of reasons to have one, other than an abusive partner. Natural disasters, last minute emergencies, unplanned trips etc. But sure, blow up your marriage."

Long distance cyclists need to eat on the bike regularly. There are lots of gels and bars to choose from, but one of the most common foods to eat are Gummy Bears. Simple carbohydrates are easier to digest while exercising than complex carbs and lots of cyclists swear that "sugar is sugar," so they get the least expensive and most convenient candy. Hence, gummy bears.
Is this true? At the end of the day, is there a meaningful difference between candy and energy bars, or a gummy bear and, say, a waffle cookie?
I'm not concerned with overall nutrition here. I understand off the bike is a whole different thing, where fibre, macro- and micronutrients are essential. I'm just curious if, in your experience, the cyclists are correct and all sugar sources are basically the same?

Heavy on the spoilers and devoid of all brevity, but if I do not get this off my chest I will lose my mind. I’ve been on a Shatter Me high all week. The first three books have altered my brain chemistry. I have said the words “Aaron Warner, the man you are” so many times I am beginning to question my sanity. I cracked open Restore Me last night, fully prepared to trust-fall into the arms of my #1 Fictional Boyfriend of all time.
So, um, what the fuck was that?
Look, I can forgive messy plotlines and overwriting, I can ignore ill-planned and lazily-executed rebel coups. I can even appreciate the absurd surplus of metaphors and similes crammed in between strings of dialogue, if for no reason other than comedic value.
What I can’t get behind is Book 4 Aaron Warner.
Seriously, who is this guy? Because I’ve gone through the five stages of grief, turned around and reread the entire book in frank disbelief, and the only conclusion I can possibly come to is that I’ve somehow picked up an imposter, written in very bad faith. When Adam Kent did a 180 in Ignite Me and went from “gentle, pathetic childhood crush who can suffer through Juliette’s touch in some small capacity” to “bitter, controlling ex-boyfriend driven mad with jealousy,” we all understood this to be much-needed fan service. Juliette was, after all, being an idiot; she needed a little push, to realize that Aaron Warner was the undisputed crown jewel. Most of us came to this conclusion two and a half books ahead of her, but better late than never. I walked away from Ignite Me feeling content. The power couple has been established. Anderson is dead. Juliette’s rise to Supreme Commander was satisfying, if a bit hasty. I went into Restore Me confident that, with Aaron at her side, Juliette could achieve anything.
The transition was…jarring, to say the least.

“The Reestablishment does not allow time for people to grieve.” - Book 3 Aaron.

(Alas, this is Book 4, and *insert obligatory Bob Dylan joke*)
The Times, They Are a’ Changin’
Anyway, what I’m getting at here is that Aaron is grieving, he is mourning, he is SAD. This is totally understandable, both to me as a reader and to Juliette as a character. It appears to be the guiding factor behind his new penchant for stonewalling and emotional blackmail. Before diving into THAT can of worms, I’d like to add a couple of bullets to my list of “Miscellaneous What-and-Why-the-Fucks:”

• Why does Juliette have zero advisors? Where is her council? Her attendants? Her scribe? Her translator? Her GUARDS?
• What, exactly, is Kenji’s job? She refers to him as her “second-in-command,” and while I adore his character, I can’t help but feel that lending snarky input does very little in the way of running a tight ship. Why is she entirely on her own?

Moving on.
A TIMELINE OF SHITTY EVENTS, IN WHICH I HANG UP MY ‘ADAM KENT’S #1 HATER’ JACKET AND SHRUG ON MY ‘AARON WARNER SUCKS’ VEST:

• Juliette is trying to make peace between two unruly schoolboys who refuse to get along at the playground. Sorry, Juliette is trying to make peace between two grown men, both of whom appear, in some capacity, involved in the running of North America. This is going “Not Very Well,” if Aaron’s botched haircut is any indication. Fortunately, he comes to terms with his Slim Shady Era, and while he’s clearly going through some things, I could roll with the punches and learn to love the buzz cut, if only he didn’t IMMEDIATELY TURN INTO THE JOKER AFTER THIS.
• Aaron knows better than anyone else about the role and responsibilities of a Supreme Commander. Still yet, he appears completely uninvolved in Juliette’s day-to-day regimen. He makes zero effort to inform her about details that might save her from needless embarrassment. Her fuck-ups seem imminent. Perhaps this is why he has no inclination to avoid them, nor lessen their impact on her pride or public image. Slim Shady is a lone wolf. He has completely forgotten that whole “I’ve told you from the start, we would make an excellent team” spiel. North America is a One-Woman (De?)establishment. Kenji appears to play the role of court jester, though he lends emotional support when necessary–and always with more empathy and forethought than Regent Warner, who, I might remind you, has the power of READING ENERGIES (“hers, especially”).
• Enter Delalieu, to inform Juliette her quarters are overflowing with unanswered mail, and worry that this may reflect poorly upon her as a new leader, to which she’s like “I have quarters?” This revelation comes on the heels of Castle’s memo that “all of her correspondence is being monitored.” I suspect somehow this is Castle’s fault, which brings me to my follow-up point.
• In Book 4, Castle becomes less of an incompetent hippie and more of a prick to Juliette. He terrorizes her with cryptic warnings, but refuses to divulge any information he may have about Warner’s past, which–given her new status–seems like it ought to be grounds for some sort of official noncompliance. He also had her reach out to the other supreme commanders “as an experiment.” It was at this point I decided I wasn’t a fan of how everyone kept undermining or making a mockery of Juliette at every turn. I couldn’t help but notice how Castle’s comments to Aaron about her went entirely unchecked. I am reminded, if you will, of that scene in Shatter Me, when Aaron staged a big spectacle in which a soldier was killed, to ensure his men knew not to fuck with Juliette. He seems to have forgotten this virtue, in Book 4.
• Despite being warned that Ibriham’s children are en route, Aaron lets a conversation with Kent take precedence over informing Juliette what to expect, how to dress, what to say, etc. Castle also informs him once Haider arrives. Juliette chooses to meet Haider without waiting for Aaron, but he should have been there regardless. He can FEEL her energy, he doesn’t need her to say it out loud to realize she’s insecure and needs him to be there, and she wouldn’t BE insecure about so much shit if he would step in and stop allowing everyone to make her the butt of every joke!!! Where’s that supportive boyfriend act you roped us all in with, buddy? Also, literally neither she nor Kenji know jack shit about politics, why would he let them walk into a meeting with the children of foreign leaders entirely blind?
• Speaking of the meeting with Haider, Aaron has a closet full of clothes organized by color and shade; yet he didn’t think to help Juliette pick out a new wardrobe for her designation as Supreme Commander? He literally chose her entire last wardrobe, and look, I get it, they’re busy with war things and his evil dad is dead and that’s sad and all, but don’t introduce us to a standard you can’t maintain! She goes to meet this snotty rich boy in BLUE JEANS AND A PINK SWEATER. Kenji “cringes” at her. This was so humiliating I literally felt my face getting hot when I read it.
• Again, Castle specifically *told* Aaron when Haider arrived, but when he and Juliette discuss it later, he turns it around on her to justify why he didn’t show up to support her!

“You didn’t tell me he’d arrived earlier. I wish I could’ve been there to assist somehow.”
Like, are you fucking kidding me? Again, he can FEEL her energy; he is well aware that she spent that meeting getting humiliated, and still decides to make his absence a product of her incompetence. Like, his entire pep talk after this left me filled with visceral rage.

• Allow me to share this absolutely infuriating passage in Aaron’s POV:

“She [Nazeera] has the same long legs and lean frame as her brother, and she carries herself with great pride, like someone who was born into position and privilege. She wears a gray tunic cut from fine, heavy fabric; skintight leather pants; heavy boots; and a set of glittering gold knuckles on both hands.
And I’m not the only one staring.
Juliette, who’s been watching quietly this whole time, is looking up, amazed. I can practically see her thought process as she suddenly stiffens, glances down at her own outfit, and crosses her arms over her chest as if to hide her pink sweater from view. She’s tugging at her sleeves as though she might tear them off.
It’s so adorable I almost kiss her right then.”

Are you fucking SERIOUS? So she is here, dying of embarrassment, already feeling inferior because she’s comically underdressed and only speaks one language, and his response is to GAWK AT A HOT GIRL IN FRONT OF HER AND INFANTILIZE HER IN HIS INNER MONOLOGUE. “I’m not the only one staring” ???? Be so for real right now, like I am lost for words!

• Aaron is “fairly certain” and generally insistent that Castle’s suspicions will prove false. Like, why would Castle just be pulling random hunches like this out of his ass? When I read it, I was like, “Hmm, kinda sounds like Aaron is just rationalizing why he isn’t going to tell Juliette any of this.” Spoiler alert: I was right.
• Aaron sits in silence and watches Juliette flounder helplessly while trying to explain to Haider how she only sort of knows what the “Continental Symposium” is.* OH YEAH, DID I MENTION IT IS ALSO TWO DAYS AWAY? Like, Aaron clearly knows this is a big deal, it appears to be a tradition of sorts. Why is he once again letting his girlfriend be humiliated and condescended by their guests? He also *CRINGES,* he CRINGES at her for not knowing about it. Like, at this point I am beginning to greatly resent this man.
• He also doesn’t defend Juliette when Haider calls her “some idiot psychotic girl” TO HIS FACE. RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. Actually, SHE steps in and defends HIM. I wish she hadn’t. After this, in his inner monologue, Aaron is like, “I wonder if she knows I would do anything for her.” FUCKING DO SOMETHING WARNER, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
• Juliette peeks in on Aaron in his office, finds him listening to old vinyl, discovers he likes Bob Dylan. ME TOO, BUDDY, I’ve seen him live. Might I suggest a little less “Like a Rolling Stone” and a little more “Just Like a Woman,” “Tangled Up in Blue,” “Lay Lady Lay,” ‘COZ I AM BEGINNING TO HATE YOUR ASS FOR THE WAY YOU ARE TREATING JULIETTE!
• Again, Aaron is fully aware of Castle’s warnings that people are coming for Juliette. WHY is she walking unarmed and unguarded on the beach at night? That’s right, because he ran off with Haider to count gold coins or suck each other off or something, leaving her to be sad and alone and not on the lookout for danger. Once again, he fails to come through and keep her safe, and she gets hit with some kind of bullet or dart or something.
• AGAIN, why is Castle allowed to stand here and disrespect Juliette right to Warner’s face, invalidate her and tell him how HE should have been the one who became Supreme Commander? Like, she already has zero support around her whatsoever and this rat is allowed to talk shit about all the things she does and doesn’t know, what she gets told, and potentially also her MAIL. Why hasn’t Warner killed this fucker yet? Warner, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?
• Remember when Aaron was clever? Yeah, me too. He seems to have abandoned that trait in Book 4. Things like “taking basic precaution” no longer hold any precedence. He and Juliette have, however, found the time to fuck twice, despite having no time or opportunity for all the critical conversations they’re not having that could have redeemed Aaron Warner in my heart and mind. P R I O R I T I E S.
• *slams the back of his head against the wall in frustration* I actually had an ex who did this once when I caught him cheating. It is not something intelligent people do, in my experience. I am beginning to hate Aaron the way I hated Adam. Side note, I still hate Adam. Glad he kind of disappears after the first couple of chapters.
• Great, Juliette is now hallucinating from poison bullets. Good thing Aaron is there to…look really scared and terrify her even more. Moral support? Don’t know him! Just…staring fearfully, jumping in to prevent her from going outside. Maybe a pat on the head or something would help…no? Okay then.
• At this point he decides it’s time to fess up. He couldn’t have chosen a worse time, by the way. Juliette asks if it’s okay if she washes the blood and sand off first (she was just attacked on the beach, remember?). She is clearly still sick and “hallucinating” (seeing the bright white lights outside of her window, the way people do right before they die). Maybe he could…I don’t know…HELP HER? Run her bathwater? Help her clean up? Yeah no, he just nods. She can do all that by herself, just like everything around here. Juliette, girl, if you don’t kick this deadbeat to the curb I’m gonna SCREAM. P.S.: WHO IS THIS MAN? THIS IS NOT THE AARON WARNER I KNOW. Remember how he remembered to bring gloves and a coat for her before he dropped her off at Omega Point? They weren’t even dating yet. How hard did he slam his head into the wall? Maybe he should keep going. Maybe he would like a little help? I’m not busy at all rn.
• See the thing is, now Aaron has to do a big fess up about Juliette’s life. He’s obviously lied and withheld some vital information, but more importantly he spent a couple of years torturing a sister she doesn’t know about yet. And while I realize he didn’t have any CHOICE in this particular matter, I also loathe him at this point for a ton of other shit he’s done leading up to this, so it’s really hard to feel sorry for him when–REALLY THEY FIND TIME TO FUCK AGAIN AT THIS POINT? SOMETHING IS FUCKING WRONG WITH THESE TWO. I can’t help but notice she’s “crawled on top of him” both times now. Guess she’s doing all the work in the sack, as well. Remember that “flip over on your stomach” line from Ignite Me? That guy is dead now. This dude blows and I hate him. Separate LOL at “onto to the floor.” That’s really in there. You can check.
• So the only time these two can communicate is during coitus. Cool. Maybe instead of reminding each other of their mutual love, they could reinforce their bond with something like…confessional hour? Maybe Aaron could use his energy to feel her energy and figure out something safe to say, that isn’t super fucked up and wrong. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.
• CONFESSION TIME! She starts crying when he gets to the “Reestablishment is coming for you, they’re coming to take you back” part. This is pretty reasonable, but he doesn’t pause to reassure her about it before he’s like, “Oh yeah and about your SISTER–” At this point she actually asks him to stop, probably so she can digest some of this horrifying information, but he says, and I quote, “No.” I really feel like he could have paused for a few minutes to let her process, maybe find some solid ground to stand on(since the man whose lap she is sitting in is a spineless moron and awful boyfriend, and thus not at all likely to be of any assistance).
• Juliette panics. Again, this is not entirely unjustified. Aaron speaks seven languages, none of which are “reassurance,” or “comfort,” and so when she actually gets up and runs away he just…accepts it. I want a refund. I want the first three books to apologize for love-bombing me. I made this man my #1 book boyfriend of all time. THIS Aaron Warner…this man is a fraud and I hate him. She should honestly just hook up with Kenji. At least he still calls her princess. Has Aaron called her love even once in this book? It’s possible I missed it, over the sound of his ceaseless letdowns from Chapter One onward.
• Aaron has a panic attack. Luckily his nemesis Kenji is there to comfort him. Why is no one worried about Juliette? While we are all crying over Warner’s psychosomatic breakdown, she is hysterical, hallucinating poison, has a voice in her head, and is being hunted by some kind of evil bureaucrats and possibly her own parents.
• Allow me to share yet another passage that made blink in disbelief:

He [Kenji] shakes his head. “You just can’t, man. You can’t be with someone and keep that many secrets from them.”
“It’s never stopped me before.”

At this point, Mafi, I already hate him. You did not need to include this passage, at all.

• **PARAPHRASING** Kenji’s like, “Hey man, you’re kind of being shitty to your girlfriend by not telling her about things like all your exes.” Aaron is like, “Well, I wouldn’t have ever done anything to hurt her (barring all those things I did to hurt her), but since I already lost her, who cares? Water under the bridge!” To which Kenji reminds him that ‘water under the bridge’ means Juliette can go out and fuck someone else, and Aaron doesn’t like the idea of that, so he decides he probably wants to fix things, after all.
• Aaron: “You couldn’t have called, Lieutenant? Isn’t that what our phones are for?”

Nothing significant here, although it is news to me that they have phones. When did they get phones?
Anyway, turns out Delalieu tried to call him, but Warner disconnected his phone. Can we like, demote this guy or something? This guy SUCKS.

• Juliette chooses the moron’s escape route (blind sprint into the open night), and gets snatched up by Jazeera (who can fly). This is the first time Jazeera has shared said secret with anyone, which she confides when they land in a tree. It’s a really great time for these two to kiss, and it’s only fair. After all, Warner never had any friends, so this childhood friend of Warner’s technically doesn’t count. Juliette lets Aaron block her blessings once again, but Jazeera is nonetheless more emotional support than Kenji and Aaron put together. You know, I usually read fantasy to ESCAPE the disappointing reality of Men. This book is reminding me they manage to infiltrate even sacred spaces like fiction. Jazeera is sucking on a hard candy, and I’M turned on, but Juliette is sad, so I’ll be quiet.
• Jazeera tells Juliette that Warner isn’t a bad person. Unfortunately, I must disagree. She’s still hot so I’m still listening.
• Lena Mishken? Yeah, no, never heard of her, but once again thank the gods for Jazeera, who spills the tea. It is…entirely embarrassing that since-revoked #1 fictional boyfriend Aaron Warner would let this information have to come to his girlfriend through a near stranger’s gossip, but turns out Lena is Aaron’s EX-GIRLFRIEND. I wonder how he could forget to mention a thing like that. Maybe Good Guy Aaron Warner didn’t anticipate she would still be part of the global, troubled teen Brady Bunch they’ve all been part of since they were kids, who are all apparently coming to visit. I’m not sure why he didn’t anticipate this, and I’m also not sure why all these people are showing up for this “Continental Symposium.” Symposiums typically involve presentations of some sort, that is the extent of my knowledge. I am sure if that was the case here, Warner would conveniently forget to remind his girlfriend about it. I am truly convinced at this point he gets off on humiliating her, so he’ll really enjoy making her walk on stage unprepared for something like this. I personally preferred when he was firmly ddlg/cgl coded in books 1-3. Uhhh, I would have appreciated a tw for this kind of content rebranding, but no matter.
• Did I mention Lena and Aaron were together for TWO YEARS?
• Did I mention Lena and Aaron only broke up EIGHT MONTHS AGO?
• Did I mention the Reestablishment is planning to destroy Sector 45?
• Also Lena is Russian. That seemed arbitrary, unless we are just supposed to know she’s extra hot or something. I don’t think Juliette needed any more tearing down, actually, but duly noted!
• Lena shows up outside of Warner’s room. Let me include this tiny snippet from his POV:

“Open the door, asshole.”
“You never did hold back with the flattery.”

Okay, this second line is what I would consider ‘flirting’ and I don’t like that. Good thing I decided I cannot stand this man like, twenty chapters ago, so at least this isn’t anything unexpected by now. This character is utterly irredeemable to me, and I wish I could act like I didn’t cry about it, but I can’t. I am devastated by the character assassination that took place in this book.

• Next up, Lena is attacking him because he broke up with her through a letter to his mom. Nothing surprises me at this point. Also, there is this:

She’s still thrashing against me, landing several kicks at my shins when I finally manage to gentle her arms and pull her close.

Suddenly, she stills.
My lips are at her ear when I say her name once, very gently.

This is an...awfully intimate way to subdue your ex-girlfriend. This would end any relationship in its tracks, for me. Also Kenji is here watching this all happen. He will not say a word to Juliette about it, if my guess is correct.
Why…did the author do this? I am literally sick to my stomach. This is worse than never getting a fourth book. I am really so hurt.

• Juliette has gone 2009 Britney and shaved her head. I really cannot take anymore humiliation of this protagonist who spent two and a half books learning how to make eye contact with other human beings and is now being torn down and betrayed by every single person she has ever cared about.
• For some reason Kenji and Warner walk in at this point. She is obviously wrecked and in her underwear, with a half shaven head. It’s nice to confirm that Kenji has sided with Warner in the breakup. This is the most debasing experience for me. Like I was really here for the found family and learning how to trust in love tropes. I wish I had never opened this one, to be quite honest.
• Warner talks to Juliette like she is a small, crippled animal (she is, essentially, and I would call this at least 75% his fault, but moving on). She is pathetic and drunk and we’ve all been there and I do not want to listen to her idolize her piece of shit boyfriend she broke up with but will get back with in the morning. She begs him to stay and hold her and he obviously can’t do that and still play the victim so he goes to the living room. I am honestly sick to my stomach.
• Warner has some “woe-is-me” inner monologue that I skim because I hate him with a burning passion at this point.
• Juliette wakes up and is, predictably humiliated. Now she has to go in front of all these terrible rich snobby assholes after manic shaving her head bald the night before. The author attempts to turn it into a big empowering moment, but this simply is not realistic as the author has just spent the entirety of the book tearing down and crippling every shred of confidence this girl gained over the course of the first three books.
• Lena is transphobic. That is an odd detail. Moving on.
• Warner tells Juliette he likes her hair. She asks him why he didn’t mention Lena. He tells her it “wasn’t a real relationship.” He tells her it was “purely physical.” The only explanation at this point is that the author did not want to write another book, but then she continued o write books after this so…I have no idea why she destroyed this man’s character so meticulously. I am honestly at a loss for words.
• Juliette is reasonably upset about this, and Warner launches into explanations and excuses for why he doesn’t think before he speaks or consider her feelings the way he did when he was trying to steal her away from Adam. Like, at this point it is safe to say Adam Kent was telling the truth, despite the fact that he also sucks very hard.
• He’s like “blah blah before you I never wanted to get close to anyone.” Well you clearly had no problem getting CLOSE to her, but you also refuse to be emotionally vulnerable with Juliette, so all of this is useless rabble and he is just a narcissist trying to win back a girl who will probably forgive him at the end of the day, to her own undoing. He says some lies and then ends with, “Give me another chance. Please. I swear on my life I won’t disappoint you.” Yes, yes, this is what they always say. If you keep refusing he’ll promise to go to therapy, too, Juliette, this is a universal experience and not the one any of us wanted when we cracked open this book. He kisses her after that and it’s special because it’s in front of all these people he’s been humiliating her in front of for like however many days it’s been now.
• After their kiss, Juliette runs away for…I don’t know. Theater?
• Castle shows up and pretends to be a father figure to Aaron, for some reason. I don’t like him so I don’t care to elaborate.
• Juliette stands at a podium and gives a speech about what she wants to make better in the world and nobody wants that so a bunch of people in the crowd advance on her and she gets shot in the forehead but she’s invincible somehow. Once the first bullet doesn’t do anything they all start shooting. It’s okay because she screams and kills 554 people, which may or may not have been real, I’m not really following at this point. She runs through all her old friends, most of whom she’s just killed, and then a couple greet her and tell her they’re her parents and they’ve come to take her home.
• Warner’s POV is blank. He’s probably still alive. Who cares? He’s ruined either way.
• Juliette wakes up in a child’s bedroom. Spoiler alert: it’s hers. She starts snooping and finds a letter from Warner’s dad about how they’ve found a suitable family for her (she is obviously the “her”). She finds photos of her and her sister before school, then photos of her, her sister, and Nazeera. Oh yeah, then she finds a photo of her and Aaron together as kids. Her real name is Ella.

This is all good and fine, the plot twist was even cool. But there is literally no salvaging what was done to Aaron Warner’s character or his relationship with Juliette in this book. Like, what was the point? I literally have cried way too many times about this and I thought reading it a second time would convince me I am being dramatic or embellishing the level of betrayal I feel but no, like, I am certain this was devastating.

I’ll start:
I’d be somewhere on a beach, that’s like Bali. In a beach club setting. Watching an almost surreal sunset, maybe about 2 steps down from surreal. Cotton candy clouds scatter the sky but not too cloudy. The sky is hues of light pink and fiery orange.
The water is crystal clear, light blue but reflecting the sky’s colors to where it almost looks pink and orange. Lit tiki torches all around the beach that keep the bugs away. String lights around the torches and small overhanging canopies and table-umbrellas in different colors.
Amazing music playing that’s a combination of beach vibes, tropical house, with slight overtones of hip hop and r&b. Mostly mainstream artists with recognizable songs remixed to fit the vibe.
A small bonfire in front of me though the weather isn’t cold, but it’s not too hot or humid. A tropical drink like a Mai-Tai with a tiny umbrella, garnished with fruit on a table in front of me and slightly to the side. I’m on a divinely comfortable padded lounger. A small canopy over head that really cool laser lights are projected onto.
A Lu-au in the distance, but not too far with a pig roasting by a top, traditional island chef. Some attractive Lu-au girls doing a traditional dance and in respective attire.
Behind me there is a bar that has an open buffet of fresh tropical fruits in a pretty arrangement. Happy workers that are paid well and full of joy.
I have a sleek, state of the art laptop on the table next to my drink. On it, I’m monitoring my successful online store where everything is running smoothly and profits are steadily rising. I have employees who are amazing at their job leaving me no worries.
Around me are other digital nomads; interesting, cool, youthful people who also make money remotely and are talented at their jobs and are like minded. Besides me are two attractive women that are good friends that I will most likely be in a threesome with later that night. One is a successful copywriter and the other is a model/also owns an online store that sells spiritual holistic stuff.
Also on my lap I have a mildly shaggy black and brown dog, maybe a cross between a golden retriever and a German shepherd resting.
In the distance in the ocean are large cliffs with a sick waterfall on one. There’s also a bay of rocks moderately far away that has a base of really cool fireworks that periodically go off throughout the night. The island I’m on has a tropical jungle like ecosystem.
To top it off, perhaps a light high of a CBD blunt and maybe even a micro dose of LSD. Theres a surrounding atmosphere of a Heaven-like vibe, between moderate and a tinge.
Theres an all around festive vibe, with a decent amount of people but nothing crazy.
I sit back, taking a sip of my drink and enjoy the company of my peers. The world is at peace.

i just don’t know what to do anymore. i’m fine alone it’s just i devoted all my years in okc to my various boyfriends since i moved here going on 5 years ago. i do have family but became estranged back in 2023. i just feel alone
edit: i felt like it’d be a good idea to add more. i’m a 25 year old female, originally from New York. the things that occupies my time the most these days is freeze drying candy, which is my job. today, i’d be referred to as a “girl’s girl”, i care deeply and although i’m open to meeting and befriending anyone, i would love to have some girl friends! i would love to meet people who have the same interests, like: going to bars, hiking, going to the gym, watching tons of TV shows or podcasts and discussing them, making crafts, even getting things done with company like running errands or cooking.

I know, I KNOW!!! We are supposed to avoid goodies and treats. But if you still wanna have some ice cream or sweet things. My nutritionist said these are good in modrations and should not effect your blood pressure or sugar levels. I've tried some of these and honestly they aren't bad at all.
The Brand NICKS! : It was made by guy who has prediabetes and had a bad sweet tooth. They sell ice cream, protien bars, and other snacks ( WARNING!) they do use sugar alcohols but not a huge amount, so it still safe for those who are sleeved. Also, the calories and carbs are significantly lower then most suger free products.
My current fav is : Sälta Karamell
Joyride: Zero Sugar Peachy Mango Rings. (WARNING!) High carb and please eat in modration is you have craving for kiddy nostalgia candy.
Apparetnly anything from the brand "Halva" is good. They use alot of natural sweetners like, stevia etc.
More importantly double check with your dietitian and or nutritionist to make sure these are okay for you. :)